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Today is Monday, December 18

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Todays Bonehead Award:
Traffic stop leads to big heroin bust
Today, December 18 in
1898 A new automobile speed record was set at 39 mph 
(63 kmh). 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience. --- Doug Larson Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had. The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the world, it's called turpentine." The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby." The little boy replied, "You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's butt and he'll pass a Harley Davidson." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for this story: The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she screamed. "How dare you do this to me, a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!" And Paddy (for it was he) replied "Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened." "Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!" And Paddy began - "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night , the ones you wouldn't eat because you think I am a bad cook. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good cleanup I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair just the same..." Here Paddy took a quick breath and continued, "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, "Please... do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?" So, if you want a divorce, dont let the door slam your butt." ______________________________________________________ ____________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Ray and his live-in girlfriend were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. She said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." Ray said, "You are in charge of the cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." She replied, "No you should do it, and besides it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Ray replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and shows him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says "HEBREWS" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mai Ly Thuy Johnson, 35, Dujuan Jerel Johnson, 36, Covington, Lopuisiana Traffic stop leads to big heroin bust A traffic stop on Interstate 10 in Calcasieu Parish has led to the arrest of a Covington-area woman on multiple narcotics and weapons related charges. Mai Ly Thuy Johnson, 35, was booked into the St. Tammany Parish jail Monday after investigators found 3.3 kilograms of heroin with an estimated street value of $825,000 along with $9,614 in cash in her apartment, Louisiana State Police reported Wednesday (Dec. 6). An investigation began Monday when Calcasieu Parish Sheriff's Office deputies stopped a vehicle on I-10 driven by Dujuan Jerel Johnson, 36, of Covington. During the traffic stop, deputies found Johnson to be in possession of $72,600 in cash. He was arrested and booked into the Calcasieu Parish jail on a charge of money laundering, State Police reported in a news release. Through an investigation, deputies and troopers assigned to the Combined Anti-Drug Team (C.A.T.) Narcotics Task Force discovered evidence linking Johnson to an apartment in the River Chase area, south of Covington. On Tuesday (Dec. 5), agents went to the apartment and spoke with Mai Ly Thuy Johnson, the wife of Dujuan Jerel Johnson, State Police said. The woman gave troopers written consent to search the apartment. During the search, agents discovered a Century Arms AK-47 pistol, $9,614.00 in cash, about five grams of marijuana, drug paraphernalia, a 20-ton hydraulic press used to press and brand kilograms of narcotics, a vacuum sealer, a table top currency counter and several other items used for the distribution and manufacture of illegal narcotics, according to the news release. Investigators also found a locked safe in the residence. A search warrant was obtained for the safe, which was found to contain a stolen Ruger LCP .380-caliber handgun and more than seven pounds of heroin with an estimated street value of $825,000, State Police said. Mai Ly Thuy Johnson was arrested and booked into the St. Tammany Parish jail on the following charges: Possession with intent to distribute a schedule I controlled dangerous substance [heroin] Possession of schedule I controlled dangerous substance [marijuana] Transactions Involving proceeds from drug offenses Possession of a firearm in the presence of a controlled dangerous substance Possession of a stolen firearm Possession of drug paraphernalia The criminal investigation is ongoing and additional arrests are anticipated, State Police said. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Linda Re: Network Solutions Dear Webby, I have been told by my friends that you are the most patient coach on the net, and I have found that to be more than true enough when you taught me HTML over the net. How do YOU deal with the morons at Network Solutions? They messed up my domain registration again, and refuse to fix it. Linda Dear Linda Usually it is a total waste of time trying to argue with them. Neither diplomacy nor cussing works. Just put them behind you and move your domain registration to a better registrar. The only good thing I can say about Notwork Delusions is that they annoyed me enough in the early 90's to not only move all domains away from them, but to offer registration services to all of our clients myself. It was really easy to do. All I had to do was do the opposite of what they do. And I can do it for $25 LESS than what they charge. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Two contafiters way up nort in Chicargo wuz makin sum contafit money an dey accidently made sum twelve dollar bill by mistake. Dey made a whole bunch of dem before dey foun dere mistake, so insted of startin over dey decide to try to pass dem off. Dey always herd how backward people in Louisiana wuz, especially dem folks name Boudreaux frum down neer Lafayette so dey jumpin dere car an drive down to Lafayette, LA an wen dey got dere dey look in da fone book an shore enuf dey fine Boudreaux's General Store an Mercantile listed rite dere in da yeller pages. Dey went to Boudreaux's store an walk up to da man at da counter. Da firs contafiter say, "Are you Mr. Boudreaux?" Boudreaux say, "Mais shore, dat's me. Wat can Ah do fer you fellers?" Da contafiter wisper to his frien, "This is gonna be easier than I thought." Da contafiter say, "Can you give us change for a twelve dollar bill?" Boudreaux say, "Mais shore Ah can! How you want dat, tree fores, fore trees, or too sixes?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?" Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from A Separate Bag for Socks I use a clothespin to attach a mesh lingerie washing bag to everyone's hamper and trained them to put socks and tights in there. No more single socks! If for some reason we do find single socks lying around they go directly into the hamper. When I pull one out of the dryer I then know to put it in the "single sock" basket to await it's mate. Every few months I throw out any unmated socks. By Lily Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ From Steve I was working in the sun all day, putting finishing touches on the new deck outside my house. My sister pulled into the driveway, greeted me, and looked over my work. "Wow, Steve," she gushed, "you're an expert." Gloating, feeling like the king that I am, but trying not to seem egotistical, I responded, "Once you get going, it's pretty easy." She looked puzzled, and I wondered if I'd misunderstood her. So I asked, "What did you say, Jen?" She replied, "I said, your neck's burnt!"
Strange doodles in the margins of Medieval books.
Mrs. Morris Spiegelbaum beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman's, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy, so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?" "That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snotty salesman. "Oy! For $99.95 I could get the same dress at Klein's Bargain Store downtown!" "But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool." "Nu! So for $800 I should be caring what the sheep do at night?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, December 18, in 
1796 The "Monitor," of Baltimore, MD, was published as the
first Sunday newspaper. 

1862 The first orthopedic hospital was organized in New
York City. It was called the Hospital for Ruptured and

1865 U.S. Secretary of State William Seward issued a
statement verifying the ratification of the 13th Amendment
to the U.S. Constitution abolishing slavery. 

1898 A new automobile speed record was set at 39 mph (63

1903 The Panama Canal Zone was acquired 'in perpetuity' by
the U.S. for an annual rent. 

1912 The discovery of the Piltdown Man in East Sussex was
announced. It was proved to be a hoax in 1953. 

1915 U.S. President Wilson, widowed the year before,
married Edith Bolling Galt at her Washington home. 

1916 During World War I, after 10 months of fighting the
French, with the help of the Allies, defeated the Germans
in the Battle of Verdun. 

1935 A $1 silver certificate was issued for the first time
in the U.S. 

1940 Adolf Hitler signed a secret directive ordering
preparations for a Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union.
Operation "Barbarossa" was launched in June 1941. 

1944 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the wartime relocation
of Japanese-Americans, but also stated that undeniably
loyal Americans of Japanese ancestry could not be detained.

1950 NATO foreign ministers approved plans to defend
Western Europe, including the use of nuclear weapons, if

1953 WPTZ, in Philadelphia, PA, presented a Felso
commercial, it was the first color telecast seen on a local

1956 Japan was admitted to the United Nations. 

1957 The Shippingport Atomic Power Station in Pennsylvania
went online. It was the first nuclear facility to generate
electricity in the United States. It was taken out of
service in 1982. 

1965 Kenneth LeBel jumped 17 barrels on ice skates. 

1969 Britain's Parliament abolished the death penalty for

1970 Divorce became legal in Italy. 

1972 The United States began the heaviest bombing of North
Vietnam during the Vietnam War. The attack ended 12 days

1973 The IRA launched its Christmas bombing campaign in

1979 The sound barrier was broken on land for the first
time by Stanley Barrett when he drove at 739.6 mph. 

1983 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) scored his 100th point
in the 34th game of the season. 

1987 Ivan F. Boesky was sentenced to three years in prison
for plotting Wall Street's biggest insider-trading scandal.
He only served about two years of the sentence. 

1996 Despite a U.N. truce, factional fighting in the Somali
capital of Mogadishu, broke out in which at least 300
fighters and civilians were killed. 

1998 Russia recalled its U.S. ambassador in protest of the
U.S. attacks on Iraq. 

1998 South Carolina proceeded with the U.S.' 500th
execution since capital punishment was restored. 

1999 After living atop an ancient redwood in Humboldt
County, CA, for two years, environmental activist Julia
"Butterfly" Hill came down, ending her anti-logging

2001 A fire damaged New York City's St. John Cathedral. The
cathedral is the largest in the United States. 

2001 In Seattle, WA, Gary Leon Ridgeway pled innocent to
the charge of murder for four of the Green River serial
killings. He had been arrested on November 30, 2001. 

2003 Adam Rich was arrested for driving onto a closed
section of Interstate 10 and nearly struck a California
Highway Patrol car. 

2009 General Motors announced that it would shut down its
Saab brand. 

2009 A Paris court ruled that Google was breaking French
law with its policy of digitizing books and fined the
company a $14,300-a-day fine until it rids its search
engine of the literary extracts. 

2009 James Cameron's movie "Avatar" was released in the
United States. On January 26, the movie became the highest-
grossing film worldwide. 

2010 In Nanjing, China, the Zifeng Tower opened. 

2017  smiled.

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