¸Printing in Landscape Orientation 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, February 20

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
A 24-year-old Missouri man has been charged 
with killing parents and baby last week.

Today, February 20 in
1809 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal government
was greater than that of any individual state. Unfortunately, that did
not last.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
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______________________________________________________ Ordinarily she was insane, but she had lucid moments when she was merely stupid. --- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856) Pelosi? ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness, and gave her the dollar, the said, "There you are, my dear, but tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?" "Oh yes," said the little girl. "She sells candy." ______________________________________________________ A minister announced to the congregation that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50." From the back of the sanctuary, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only fifty cents?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
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_____________________________________________________ A man was just falling off to sleep when his wife nudged him and said the telephone was ringing. "At this hour it's probably for you," she said, closing her eyes. The phone by their bed was not working, so the man rolled out of bed and trundled downstairs. When he returned, his wife was asleep. He woke her and said, "It wasn't for me, after all." He waited as she drug herself out of bed, pulled on her robe and headed for the stairs. Then he added, "It was a wrong number." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Drew D. Atchison, 24, Williamsville, Missouri Man stabbed couple to death, returned to kill their baby one day later A 24-year-old Missouri man has been charged with killing parents and baby last week. Drew D. Atchison, 24, of Williamsville, which is roughly two hours south of St. Louis, has been charged with three counts of felony murder in the first degree, three counts of felony armed criminal action, felony child kidnapping and felony tampering in the first degree, CBS affiliate KFVS reported. The three victims were Harley Million, Samara Kitts and Willa Million, who was Harley and Samara's 17-month-old daughter. Atchison's killing spree allegedly started Jan. 25. Sheriff's deputies claim Atchison "confessed to killing Million and Kitts while at the home with a knife. He then allegedly put their bodies in the back of Million's truck and went back inside and placed the child in a room with dogs and shut her inside so she could not get out. He then left the home and drove to his home," KFVS added. The next morning, Atchison allegedly went back to the couple's home and tried to destroy evidence before putting the 17-month-old baby in the truck. He eventually pulled off the highway and threw the knife in some woods, according to the report. Atchison then took the baby out of the truck and shot her to death, myAJC reported. Samara Kitts' mother Christa has used Facebook to share her sorrow and anger over what happened. "Never felt so much hate in my heart for anyone. And to think he sat at my kitchen table when they were teens. Was at my grand daughter first birthday party with his own daughter," Christa Kitts wrote on Facebook. "I hope u never see light of day and burn in hell for eternity. And that life here on earth you don't deserve." _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Trudy Re: Print wide patterns Dear Webby, I am sorry to bother you with this question: Besides your Humor Letter, my other favorite pasttime is knitting. I found some great patterns on the internet, but I am stomped. It says that I have to be in the landscape mode to make copies to fit on letter-size paper. I checked into the space, it is on landscape, but when I want to make copies, it still only prints about 3/4 of the pattern on each line. What gives?? Thank you for your help. I have a Microsoft Windows 7. Thumbs up for your daily humor letter, it makes my day! Sincerely ---Trudy Dear Trudy That is slightly different depending on which printer you use, and also which browser. Usually, you can set ORIENTATION, if you go to CTRL P ORIENTATION and select Landscape. Most printers will remember that, and print in Landscape mode foreverafter, until you change the ORIENTATION back to Portrait. Some printers call the orientation LAYOUOT. It is the same thing. My 12 year old DELL 1320c color laser even shows a preview of the printed page. Just play with the settings page and get comfortable with it. Have FUN! DearWebby

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The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your daddy home?" "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes," came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes," whispered the child, "A policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy," whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed, whispering voice, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?" Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Tammy is having a bad day at the roulette tables in 'Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to Tammy, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Thinking Maybe she'd won, he rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. Tammy is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted...!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fresh Frozen Lasagna Instead of buying frozen lasagna, make your own. Any basic lasagna recipe and be frozen for later use. Line your baking dish with aluminum foil and then prepare the lasagna as if you were getting it ready to bake it. Then fold the foil over the top of the lasagna and either put it in a large freezer bag or wrap it in plastic wrap. When you are ready to use it, remove the plastic wrap or plastic bag and put it back in the same baking dish in which you prepared it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ From Connie Top 9 Things I Hate 1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? When they point at their wrist, I look at THEIR wrist, and tell them "I dont know." 2. People who are willing to hunt all over the house to search for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. 3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? 4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? 5 When people say while watching a movie "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor. 6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine? I tell them "NO!, I am allergic to questions." 7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has neve r been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new. 8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer? 9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". Think about it...If the bus came would I be standing here?
A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride is concerned "What if the place is still bugged?" The groom says, "I'll look for a bug." He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug "AHA!" Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the disc out the window. The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds "How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?" The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?" The hotel manager says, "Well, the room under you complained about the chandelier falling on them!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 20, in
1673 The first recorded wine auction took place in London. 

1809 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal government
was greater than that of any individual state. Unfortunately, that did
not last.

1815 The USS Constitution, under Captain Charles Stewart fought the
British ships Cyane and Levant. The Constitution captured both, but
lost the Levant after encountering a British squadron. The
Constitution and the Cyane returned to New York safely on May 15,
1815. The Cyane was purchased and became the USS Cyane. 

1839 The U.S. Congress prohibited dueling in the District of Columbia.

1872 Luther Crowell received a patent for a machine that manufactured
paper bags. 

1872 Silas Noble and J.P. Cooley patented the toothpick manufacturing

1873 The University of California got its first Medical School. 

1880 The American Bell Company was incorporated. 

1921 The motion picture "The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" was
released starring Rudolph Valentino.

1931 The U.S. Congress allowed California to build the Oakland Bay

1933 The U.S. House of Representatives completed congressional action
on the amendment to repeal Prohibition. 

1944 "Big Week" began as U.S. bombers began raiding German aircraft
manufacturing centers during World War II. 

1962 John Glenn made space history when he orbited the world three
times in 4 hours, 55 minutes. He was the first American to orbit the
Earth. He was aboard the Friendship 7 Mercury capsule. Glenn witnessed
the Devil's Cigarette Lighter while in flight. 

1965 Ranger 8 crashed on the moon after sending back thousands of
pictures of its surface. 

1987 A bomb exploded in a computer store in Salt Lake City, UT. The
blast was blamed on the Unabomber. 

1993 Two ten-year-old boys were charged by police in Liverpool,
England, in the abduction and death of a toddler. The two boys were
later convicted. 

1998 American Tara Lipinski, at age 15, became the youngest gold
medalist in winter Olympics history when she won the ladies' figure
skating title at Nagano, Japan. 

2001 FBI Agent Robert Phillip Hanssen was arrested and charged with
spying for the Russians for 15 years. 

2002 In Reqa Al-Gharbiya, Egypt, a fire raced through a train killing
at least 370 people and injuring at least 65. 

2003 In West Warwick, RI, 100 people were killed and more than 230
were injured when fire destroyed the nightclub The Station. The fire
started with sparks from a pyrotechnic display being used by Jack
Russel's Great White. Ty Longley, guitarist for the band, was one of
the victims in the fire. 

2008 The U.S. Navy destroyed an inoperable spy satellite with a
missile from the USS Lake Erie. 

2018  smiled.

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