Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 22

Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs.
No fun for me. 
You get a vacation on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
The Monday issue will be in your mail again.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested for DUI,
again, said she 'knows the game'
Bonehead
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Today, March 22 in
1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer).
See More of what happened on this day in history.

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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



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Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision 
for the limits of the world.
--- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) 

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
--- Joseph Stalin (1879 - 1953) 
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

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Peter decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They
loaded up Peter's station wagon and headed north. After
driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible
blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and
asked the attractive lady of the house if they could
spend the night.

"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid
the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Peter said, "we'll be happy to sleep in
the barn."

Nine months later, Peter got a letter from the widow's
attorney. He then went up to visit his friend Bob and
said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at
the farm we stayed at?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night,
go up to the house and have sex with her?"

"Yes, I have to admit that I did."

"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her
your name?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I
did."

"Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"
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After a two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank
robbery case, the judge turns to the jury foreman and asks,

"Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"

"Yes, we have, your honor," the foreman responded.

"Would you please pass it to me," the judge declared, as he
motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from
the foreman and deliver it to him.

After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the
verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the
foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict
to the court."

"We find the defendant Not Guilty of all four counts of bank
robbery," stated the foreman.

The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the
verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of
divine gratitude.

The man's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what
do you think about that?"

The defendant, with a bewildered look on his face turns to
his attorney and says, "I'm real confused here. Does this
mean that I have to give all the money back, or do I have
to do it again?"
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Frederick II, the eighteenth-century king of Prussia, fancied
himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he
was.  On one occasion he is supposed to have interested
himself in conditions in the Berlin prison and was escorted
through it so that he might speak to the prisoners.  One after
the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him,
bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter
innocence of all charges that had been brought against them.

Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's
curiosity was aroused.
"You," he called.  "You there."

The prisoner looked up.  "Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Why are you here?"

"Armed robbery, Your Majesty."

"And are you guilty?"

"Entirely guilty, Your Majesty.  I deserve my punishment."

At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and
said, "Warden, release this guilty wretch at once.  I will not
have him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the
splendid innocent people who occupy it."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

 Lacie Faye Schuman, 32,
Jacksonville,
Florida

Florida woman arrested for DUI,
again, said she 'knows the game'

A woman has been arrested for driving under the influence with a
unrestrained toddler in the vehicle, according to a St. Johns
County Sheriff's Office police report. 

On Sunday at approximately 2:14 a.m., an officer came across Lacie
Faye Schuman, 32, driving recklessly on Cypress Links Boulevard. 

St. Johns County police conducted a traffic stop and noticed a
strong odor alcohol coming from the vehicle and found a 2-year-old
boy inside.The toddler was not properly restrained, according to
the report. Schuman's eyes were described as bloodshot and watery.
She refused to perform a sobriety test or give a breath sample,
stating "she knows the game."

Schuman was arrested and charged with child neglect, DUI, and
driving as a habitual offender. She has been arre3stedfor DUI a
few times before.


Tech Support Pits
From: Beverly
Re: Mail Size Restrictions

Dear Webby
the size of each email that we can receive and now I am
having trouble receiving any email with pictures.  I wondered
if you can give me a referral to Gmail?  The Service Tech
from my ISP said he thought you could receive any size email
through it, and I have read several times in the Humor Letter
where you speak pretty highly of it.  I went to Google and read
about it and really would like to try it.  I hope you can help me.

Thanks!
Beverly M

Dear Beverly
You don't need referals anymore. Just go to http://gmail.com

Yes, with gmail there are no kindergarten limits.

Just take your time to customize it to your liking,
and you'll be quite happy with it.

You can even use it with regular POP programs
like Eudora or Outlook, not just with it's web interface.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



An Irishman walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round
for everyone, on me!"  The bartender says, "Well, Murph,
seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hm?"

Murphy says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired
by the city to go around and remove all the money
from parking meters.  I start on Monday!"

The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to
pour the round.

Monday evening arrives.  Murphy comes back into the bar
and says
"Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"

The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over
having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be
when you get your paycheck!"

Murphy looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his
face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says
"You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?"


Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
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It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where
I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would
mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for
my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and
can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving
to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the
sister-to-be, answered.

"Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?"
Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have
a delivery for her."

The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!"
she shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



Cajun math
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three
sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest
boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the
youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty
of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.

Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and
drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17,
making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the
second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got
one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle,
having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove
home.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Jigsaw Puzzle
Make a personalized homemade jigsaw puzzle by gluing a
photograph to a piece of 1/4 inch plywood. If you have a
color ink jet printer you can print the photo yourself. Then
use a jigsaw to cut your puzzle pieces. Glue a copy of
the same picture to the lid of a cigar box and wrap the
box for a great gift.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Even easier and much faster is taking an
old jigsaw puzzle and gluing a new picture on it. Then cut the
pieces apart with a knive or even a pen.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived
babies)  "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled!  Isn't she
adorable?"

Friend: "But your kid didn't smile."

Father: "I was talking about the nurse!"



People are awesome, for the week.

___________________________________________________

Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye
to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here
lies only the shell--the nut has gone!"
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, March 22 in
1457 Gutenberg Bible became the first bible printed with moveable
type. 

1622 Indians attacked a group of colonists in the James River area
of Virginia. 347 residents were killed. 

1630 The first legislation to prohibit gambling was enacted. It
was in Boston, MA. 

1638 Anne Hutchinsoon, a religious dissident, was expelled from
the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 

1719 Frederick William abolished serfdom on crown property in
Prussia. 

1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer). 

1765 The Stamp Act was passed. It was the first direct British tax
on the American colonists. It was repealed on March 17, 1766. 

1794 The U.S. Congress banned U.S. vessels from supplying slaves
to other countries. 

1841 Englishman Orlando Jones patented cornstarch. 

1872 Illinois became the first state to require sexual equality in
employment. 

1873 Slavery was abolished in Puerto Rico. 

1882 The U.S. Congress outlawed polygamy. 

1894 The first playoff competition for the Stanley Cup began.
Montreal played Ottawa. 

1895 Auguste and Louis Lumiere showed their first movie to an
invited audience in Paris. 

1901 Japan proclaimed that it was determined to keep Russia from
encroaching on Korea. 

1902 Great Britain and Persia agreed to link Europe and India by
telegraph. 

1903 Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought. 

1903 In Columbia, the region near Galera De Zamba was devastated
by a volcanic eruption. 

1904 The first color photograph was published in the London Daily
Illustrated Mirror. 

1905 Child miners in Britain received a maximum 8-hour workday. 

1906 France lost the first ever rugby game ever played against
Britain. 

1907 Russians troops completed the evacuation of Manchuria in the
face of advancing Japanese forces. 

1907 In Paris, it was reported that male cab drivers dressed as
women to attract riders. 

1910 In Liberia, a telegraph cable linked Tenerife and Monrovia. 

1915 A German zeppelin made a night raid on Paris railway
stations. 

1919 The first international airline service was inaugurated on a
weekly schedule between Paris and Brussels. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill legalizing
the sale and possession of beer and wine containing up to 3.2%
alcohol. 

1934 The first Masters golf championship began in Augusta, GA. 

1935 In New York, blood tests were authorized as evidence in court
cases. 

1935 Persia was renamed Iran. 

1941 The Grand Coulee Dam in Washington began operations. 

1943 The Dutch workweek was extended to 54 hours. 

1943 Obligatory work for woman ends in Belgium. 

1945 The Arab League was formed with the adoption of a charter in
Cairo, Egypt. 

1946 The first U.S. built rocket to leave the earth's atmosphere
reached a height of 50-miles. It was a modifioed captured German
V2.

1948 The United States announced a land reform plan for Korea. 

1954 The first US shopping mall opened in Southfield, Michigan. 

1954 The London gold market reopened for the first time since
1939. 

1960 A.L. Schawlow & C.H. Townes obtained a patent for the laser.
It was the first patent for any laser. 

1965 U.S. confirmed that its troops used chemical warfare against
the Vietcong. 

1974 The Viet Cong proposed a new truce with the U.S. and South
Vietnam. The truce included general elections. 

1977 Indira Ghandi resigned as the prime minister of India. 

1978 Karl Wallenda, of the Flying Wallendas, fell to his death
while walking a cable strung between two hotels in San Juan,
Puerto Rico. 

1982 The Space Shuttle Columbia was launched into orbit on mission
STS-3. It was the third orbital flight for the Columbia. 

1987 A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, to
find a place to unload. After being refused by several states and
three countries space was found back in Islip. 

1990 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Captain Hazelwood not
guilty in the Valdez oil spill. 

1991 Pamela Smart, a high school teacher, was found guilty in New
Hampshire of manipulating her student-lover to kill her husband. 

1992 A Fokker F-28 veered off a runway at New York's LaGuardia
airport and into Flushing Bay, killing 27 people. 

1993 Intel introduced the Pentium-processor (80586) 64 bits-60
MHz-100+ MIPS. 

1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Polyakov returned to Earth after
setting a record for 438 days in space. 

1997 Tara Lipinski, at 14 years and 10 months, became the youngest
women's world figure skating champion. 

2002 A collection of letters and cards sent by Princess Diana of
Wales sold for $33,000. The letters and cards were written to a
former housekeeper at Diana's teenage home.

2018  smiled.

 
 

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