How to turn an upside down screen upright again 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, April 1

Happy Easter!


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Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Vomit-covered woman arrested after 
huffing binge at Callahan Walgreens
Bonehead
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Today, April 1 in
1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, 
created the "$" symbol. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. --- William H. Borah The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. --- Herbert Spencer In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker. --- Woody Allen George Burns (1896 - 1996) I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. --- Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998) ---------- They do so! April 1 _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: John "Jack" Bolt, who went to his final reward in 2004, was the only two-war US Marine Corps ace. As a junior officer during World War II, he scored six enemy kills while flying the Vought F4U Corsair. As a major during the Korean War, he scored six more while flying the North American F-86 Sabre on an exchange tour with the US Air Force. Jack Bolt was a hoot! During a commercial airline flight several years ago, he was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing him as discreetly as possible. Jack pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, Bolt responded: "Gosh, that's a good looking baby... and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. Jack sadly shook his head, and in true fighter pilot fashion exclaimed, "Damn! And all these years I've been chewing gum. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thursday, March 29, 2018: Egypt's famous Giza pyramid complex towers over the Western Desert in this view from the European Space Agency's Proba-1 minisatellite. The largest of the three pyramids (bottom left) is the Great Pyramid of Giza. To its right is the slightly smaller Pyramid of Khafre, and the smallest of the three is the Pyramid of Menkaure. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic: One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat." The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion. The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" Then he closed the door. Now THAT, my friends, is getting even! _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tammy Irvin, 34, Callahan, Floriduh Vomit-covered woman arrested after huffing binge at Callahan Walgreens A Callahan woman was arrested after she repeatedly inhaled air duster bottles over the course of six hours, the Nassau County Sheriff's Office said. Tammy Irvin, 34, had vomit on her shirt and was still clutching a bottle of air duster when confronted by a deputy in a Walgreens parking lot on March 20, the report said. The heater in her Ford F-150 was turned on to the highest setting, consistent with heating a bottle of air duster, the report said. The arresting deputy said three other bottles were on the floorboard of the truck. Employees of the Walgreens said that Irvin bought a bottle of compressed air at 10:21 a.m., a second at 12:09 p.m., a third at 1:38 p.m. and a fourth at 3:58 p.m. Irvin told deputies said she was just going to sit in her truck and "not go anywhere." Irvin is charged with inhalation of a dangerous chemical. One more bottle, and she would have received a Darwin Award. Usually kids stop experimenting with huffing at age 14, when they realize that they don't get stoned from the refrigerant in the duster cans, they just feel weird for a bit, and some even pass out from that. Like with inhaling gasoline fumes, they just feel weird and sick. For most kids once is enough. Very few adults are dumb enough to huff. One of them will get tomorrow's bonehead award. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Turned monitor
Dear Webby, Last year on April Fools day some a**hole did some trick as he was walking by on his way out, and turned my screen 90 degrees. I could not fix that and had to send the computer to the shop. It cost me $120 to get it fixed, and they would not even tell me how they fixed it. They said they just worked on it and suddenly the screen was upright again. Just in case somebody else tries that, how can I fix it without paying the idjits at the shop? By the way, I punished the a**hole with skunk oil in his keyboard and on his chair seat once a month, every month. Thanks Chris Dear Chris On single monitor setups it is easy: CTRL ALT (down Arrow) or Left or right arrow turns the screen. Don't get impatient and expect instant results. If you keep hitting that key combination, the action lags behind the keys and you and your machine will get as confused as the bozos at your computer repair shop. Try one combo, and count to 30 while you wait for your machine to recalculate the screen. If you have a 2 monitor setup, don't even try that method. It will make it worse. IN that case, forget all the easy or common sense approaches. Remember, you are dealing with Microsoft and really weird dope now. Right-Click a blank spot on the desktop. Slect SCREEN RESOLUTION. Don't ask me why. I don't smoke that stuff. In SCREEN RESOLUTION, use IDENTIFY to tell you which is monitor #1 and which is #2. SELECT the monitor, that needs to be turned. Sometimes you can upright one of the monitors with the key combos, but be really patient! Don't expect instant results! OK, so you select the naughty monitor and change the orientation in the pull-down to LANDSCAPE. Hit OK, and that monitor is OK. You may have to step through that rigmarole for the other monitor too. Just in case somebody else tries the same stunt, stock up on the skunk oil, and put some in his shoes too! Have FUN DearWebby
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The Math Professor. posed this problem: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-third is to go to his son from his first marriage, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" A student in the back of the room answered, "A lawyer?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Slicing Round Food To prevent an onion, bagel, or anything round from rolling while you slice it, cut a small slice from an edge and use that as a base. Then it it will not roll as easily and is much safer. By Janet Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ An eighty-five-year-old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly as a result of her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and a master bath suite with a sauna and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to new one that represented one of the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply: "This is heaven; you play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven; it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part: You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is heaven." With that, the old man threw down his hat, stomped on it, and shrieked wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here twenty years ago!"
World Easter, holy week fast facts.
___________________________________________________ A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but you've heard of a widower marrying again, haven't you?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
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Today, April 1 in
0527 Justinianus became the emperor of Byzantium. 

1572 The Sea Beggars under Guillaume de la Marck landed in Holland
and captured the small town of Briel. 

1621 The Plymouth, MA, colonists created the first treaty with
Native Americans. 

1748 The ruins of Pompeii were found. 

1778 Oliver Pollock, a New Orleans businessman, created the "$"
symbol. 

1793 In Japan, the volcano Unsen erupted killing about 53,000. 

1826 Samuel Mory patented the internal combustion engine. 

1853 Cincinnati became the first U.S. city to pay fire fighters a
regular salary. 

1863 The first wartime conscription law went into effect in the U.S.


1864 The first travel accident policy was issued to James Batterson
by the Travelers Insurance Company. 

1865 At the Battle of Five Forks in Petersburg, VA, Gen. Robert E.
Lee began his final offensive. 

1867 The International Exhibition opened in Paris. 

1867 Singapore, Penang & Malakka became British crown colonies. 

1873 The British White Star steamship Atlantic sank off Nova Scotia
killing 547. 

1881 Anti-Jewish riots took place in Jerusalem. 

1881 Kingdom post office in Netherlands opened. 

1889 The first dishwashing machine was marketed (in Chicago). 

1891 The London-Paris telephone connection opened. 

1891 The William Wrigley Jr. Company was founded in Chicago, IL. The
company is most known for its Juicy Fruit gum. 

1905 The British East African Protectorate became the colony of
Kenya. 

1905 Paris and Berlin were linked by telephone. 

1918 England's Royal Flying Corps was replaced by the Royal Air
Force. 

1924 Adolf Hitler was sentenced to five years in prison for high
treason in relation to the "Beer Hall Putsch." 

1924 Imperial Airways was formed in Britain. 

1927 The first automatic record changer was introduced by His
Master's Voice. 

1928 China's Chiang Kai-shek began attacking communists. 

1929 Louie Marx introduced the Yo-Yo. 

1930 Leo Hartnett of the Chicago Cubs broke the altitude record for
a catch by catching a baseball dropped from the Goodyear blimp 800
feet over Los Angeles, CA. 

1931 An Earthquake devastated Managua Nicaragua killing 2,000. 

1933 Nazi Germany began the persecution of Jews by boycotting Jewish
businesses. 

1935 The first radio tube to be made of metal was announced. 

1937 Aden became a British colony. 

1938 The first commercially successful fluorescent lamps were
introduced. 

1939 The U.S. recognized the Franco government in Spain at end of
Spanish civil war. 

1941 The first contract for advertising on a commercial FM radio
station began on W71NY in New York City. 

1945 U.S. forces invaded Okinawa during World War II. It was the
last campaign of World War II. 

1946 Weight Watchers was formed. 

1946 A tidal wave (tsunami) struck the Hawaiian Islands killing more
than 170 people. 

1948 The Berlin Airlift began. 

1950 Italian Somalia became a United Nations trust territory under
Italian administration. 

1952 The Big Bang theory was proposed in "Physical Review" by
Alpher, Bethe & Gamow. 

1960 France exploded 2 atom bombs in the Sahara Desert. 

1960 The U.S. launched TIROS-1. It was the first weather satellite. 

1963 Workers of the International Typographical Union ended their
strike that had closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike
ended 114 days after it began on December 8, 1962. 

1970 The U.S. Army charged Captain Ernest Medina in the My Lai
massacre. 

1970 U.S. President Nixon signed the bill, the Public Health
Cigarette Smoking Act, that banned cigarette advertisements to be
effective on January 1, 1971. 

1971 The United Kingdom lifted all restrictions on gold ownership. 

1972 North Vietnamese and Viet Cong troops renewed their offensive
in South Vietnam. 

1973 Japan allowed its citizens to own gold. 

1976 Apple Computer began operations. 

1979 Iran was proclaimed to be an Islamic Republic by Ayatollah
Ruhollah Khomeini after the fall of the Shah. 

1980 A failed assassination attempt against Iraqi vice-premier Tariq
Aziz occurred. 

1982 The U.S. transferred the Canal Zone to Panama. 

1985 World oil prices dropped below $10 a barrel. 

1986 The U.S. submarine Nathaniel Green ran aground in the Irish
Sea. 

1987 Steve Newman became the first man to walk around the world. The
walk was 22,000 miles and took 4 years. 

1987 U.S. President Reagan told doctors in Philadelphia, "We've
declared AIDS public health enemy No. 1." 

1991 Iran released British hostage Roger Cooper after 5 years. 

1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that jurors could not be barred
from serving due to their race. 

1991 The Warsaw Pact was officially dissolved. 

1992 Players began the first strike in the 75-year history of the
National Hockey League (NHL). 

1998 A federal judge dismissed the Paula Jones' sexual harassment
lawsuit against U.S. President Clinton saying that the claims fell
"far short" of being worthy of a trial. 

1999 In Zhytomyr, Ukraine, Anatoliy Onoprienko was sentenced to
death for the deaths of 52 men, women and children. 43 of the
killings occurred in a 6-month period. 

1999 The Canadian territory of Nunavut was created. It was carved
from the eastern part of the Northwest Territories and covered about
772,000 square miles. 

2001 China began holding 24 crewmembers of a U.S. surveillance
plane. The EP-3E U.S. Navy crew had made an emergency landing after
an in-flight collision with a Chinese fighter jet. The Chinese pilot
was missing and presumed dead. The U.S. crew was released on April
11, 2001. 

2001 Former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic was arrested on
corruption charges after a 26-hour standoff with the police at his
Belgrade villa. 

2003 North Korea test-fired an anti-ship missile off its west coast.


2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed the Unborn Victims of
Violence Act. The bill made it a crime to harm a fetus during an
assault on a pregnant woman. 

2004 Gateway Inc. announced that it would be closing all of its 188
stores on April 9. 

2009 Albania and Croatia joined the North Atlantic Treaty
Organization (NATO). 

2010 The U.S. Congress cut Medicare reimbursements to physicians by
21%. 

2018  smiled.


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