Dogfood diet 

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Todays Bonehead Award:
Man’s own dashboard camera shows him 
committing burglary
Today, April 15 in
1948 The Arabs were defeated in the first Jewish-Arab battle. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
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______________________________________________________ Laughter is the closest distance between two people. --- Victor Borge (1909 - 2000) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man from New York City found himself in a spot of bother after the IRS returned his tax return to him due to an incorrectly-answered question. One of the questions on his tax return asked him to list his dependents. A few days later, they received the following response: “15.1 million illegal immigrants, 1.1 million crackheads, 4.4 million unemployed deadbeats, 180,000 criminals in over 85 prisons, at least 450 idiots in Congress and numerous others who call themselves politicians, but are in fact nothing of the sort.” In a strongly-worded letter accompanying the man’s tax return, the IRS responded: “This answer is completely unacceptable and an insult to this government institution.” In turn, he replied: “I thought it was quite detailed. Who did I leave out?” _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Colibri Topaze _____________________________________________________
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_____________________________________________________ The Christian missionary was making his first visit to a cannibal tribe. The missionary asked the cannibal chief, "Do you people know anything about religion?" After a pause, the chief answered, "We got a little taste of it when the last missionary was here." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Xavier Inocencio Moran, 25, Royal Palm Beach, Florida Man’s own dashboard camera shows him committing burglary A Royal Palm Beach man accused of burglary has his vehicle’s dashboard camera to thank for landing him in the Palm Beach County Jail, according to an arrest report. Xavier Inocencio Moran, 25, is accused of using a baseball bat first to break into the Sally’s Beauty Supply in Royal Palm Beach on April 5, then on a safe in order to attempt entry. More than three hours after the alleged burglary, on State Road 7 near Southern Boulevard, Moran was involved in a crash on Belvedere Road. Moran told a Palm Beach County sheriff’s deputy that he was cut off by another driver and could prove it through his dashboard camera. Moran signed a consent waiver to search the camera. While reviewing the video footage, the deputy observed Moran’s 2014 Nissan backing into a parking space in front of the Sally’s Beauty Supply store. The video then allegedly shows Moran taking a bat from the car’s trunk and breaking the glass door leading into the business. The report states that Moran was arrested Tuesday at the Palm Beach County Courthouse, but does not detail the circumstances. Records show that Moran was also arrested on April 7 after he allegedly threatened to shoot his brother with an assault rifle and pistol. Moran and his brother live with their parents in Royal Palm Beach. During the incident, Moran allegedly pointed the gun at his father and threatened to harm his parents as well as his brother. After he was arrested, Moran allegedly ran from authorities. Despite being restricted by handcuffs, he jumped over a fence and attempted to hide behind bushes, according to a sheriff’s report. Moran is facing two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and one count each of battery, resisting an officer without violence and escape in the April 7 incident. He was released from jail Sunday under court-ordered supervision. Tech Support Pits From: Jazzye Re: Dogfood Diet Dear Webby, Thanx for your GREAT humour's a cool read from start to finish! I have a special request, and I'm sending a 'reply' as you say to get in touch with you. Is there any way possible or a link I can access to find the 'dog food diet' joke that I believe you put in the letter a few months ago?? I would greatly appreciate it! Thanx again! Jazzye Dear Jazzye DOGFOOD DIET I have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he roared with laughter and staggered to the door and fresh air. Have FUN DearWebby Addressing the Catholic school class, the nun asked, "Is it wrong to have sex before you're married?" Promiscuous Mary piped up, "Only if you're late for the ceremony."
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Thanks to Connie for this story: The telemarketer did his best to convince me to renew my subscription for another year. "At this price, it's really a great bargain," he said. I'm elderly," I laughed. "I might die before the subscription ends." "No problem," he assured me. "You'll get a refund."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Margaret for this story: Jesse Jackson got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked in the mirror and noticed he was white from the neck up to the top of his head. In sheer panic and fearing he really was turning white and might have to start working for a living, he called his doctor and told him of his problem. The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately. After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Jesse, and told him to drink it all. Jesse did and replied, "That tasted like bull sh..!" The doctor replied, "It was, Jesse. You were a quart low." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Meatloaf Muffins To make meatloaf in convenient serving size, make your favorite meatloaf recipe in muffin tins. The meatloaf will cook faster and it's the perfect size for freezing. Tip provided by Reduce temperature and time, or you will get hockey pucks! Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Laura is driving down the highway with her hand stuck out the window and waving in every direction. The police officer that is following behind her finally has had enough and hits the lights and signals Laura to pull over. "First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer. "I decided not to turn right," Laura explains. "Then why the up and down?" asks the officer. "Officer," Laura sniffs, "I was erasing!"
The Shirk Report
___________________________________________________ A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my little ducks!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, April 15 in
1784 The first balloon was flown in Ireland. 

1813 U.S. troops under James Wilkinson attacked the Spanish-held city
of Mobile that would be in the future state of Alabama. 

1817 The first American school for the deaf was opened in Hartford, CT.

1858 At the Battle of Azimghur, the Mexicans defeated Spanish

1861 U.S. President Lincoln mobilized the Federal army. 

1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln died from injuries inflicted by
John Wilkes Booth. 

1871 "Wild Bill" Hickok became the marshal of Abilene, Kansas. 

1892 The General Electric Company was organized. 

1899 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Portland Cement Company. 

1912 The ocean liner Titanic sank in the North Atlantic after hitting
an iceberg the evening before. 1,517 people died and more than 700
people survived. 

1917 The British defeated the Germans at the battle of Arras. 

1923 Insulin became generally available for people suffering with

1934 In the comic strip "Blondie," Dagwood and Blondie Bumstead
welcomed a baby boy, Alexander. The child would be nicknamed, Baby

1940 French and British troops landed at Narvik, Norway. 

1945 During World War II, British and Canadian troops liberated the
Nazi concentration camp Bergen-Belsen. 

1948 The Arabs were defeated in the first Jewish-Arab battle. 

1952 U.S. President Harry Truman signed the official Japanese peace

1952 The first B-52 prototype was tested in the air. 

1953 In Buenos Aires, six people were killed by a bomb at a rally
addressed by President Peron. 

1953 Pope Pius XII gave his approval of psychoanalysis but warned of
possible abuses. 

1953 Charlie Chaplin surrendered his U.S. re-entry permit rather than
face proceedings by the U.S. Justice Department. Chaplin was accused of
sympathizing with Communist groups. 

1956 General Motors announced that the first free piston automobile had
been developed. 

1959 Cuban leader Fidel Castro began a U.S. goodwill tour. 

1967 Richard Speck was found guilty of murdering eight student nurses. 

1983 In Urayasu, Chiba, Japan, the Tokyo Disneyland themepark opened. 

1986 U.S. F-111 warplanes attacked Libya in response to the bombing of
a discotheque in Berlin on April 5, 1986. 

1989 Students in Beijing launched a series of pro democracy protests
upon the death of former Communist Party leader Hu Yaobang. The
protests led to the Tienanmen Square massacre. 

1989 In Sheffield, England, 96 people were killed and hundreds were
injured at a soccer game at Hillsborough Stadium when a crowd surged
into an overcrowded standing area. Ninety-four died on the day of the
incident and two more later died from their injuries. 

1994 The World Trade Organization was established. 

1998 Pol Pot died at the age of 73. The leader of the Khmer Rouge
regime thereby evaded prosecution for the deaths of 2 million

1999 In Algeria, former Foreign Minister Abdelaziz Bouteflika was
elected president. All of the opposition candidates claimed that the
vote was fraudulent and withdrew from the election. 

1999 In Rawalpindi, Pakistan, a panel of two Lahore High Court judges
convicted former Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto and her husband, Asif
Ali Zardari, of corruption. 

2000 600 anti-IMF (International Monetary Fund) protesters were
arrested in Washington, DC, for demonstrating without a permit. 

2010 In Prospect Harbor, ME, the Stinson Seafood plant stopped sardine
processing after 135 years in operation. 

2018  smiled.

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