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Todays Bonehead Award:
Illegal immigrant runs over, 
kills a father of 4, does not stop
Today, April 19 in
1971 Russia launched the Salyut into orbit around Earth. It was the
first space station. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
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______________________________________________________ Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. --- John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963) Whatever you choose to believe, will be the concept that runs your mind." --- Joe Vitale First secure an independent income, then practice virtue. --- Greek Proverb Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings. --- Evan Esar _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room. "No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Marais Harbor _____________________________________________________
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_____________________________________________________ Closing sermon words A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closching schong, let ussch sching Hymn # 365: "Schall We Gather at the River." _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Luis Velasquez-Ortiz, 42, Omaha, Nebraska Illegal immigrant runs over, kills a father of 4, does not stop An illegal immigrant from Guatemala is under arrest and charged in the hit-and-run death of a motorcyclist in Omaha, Nebraska. Juan J. Moreno-Tamayo, a father of four kids, was riding his motorcycle last week when Luis Velasquez-Ortiz, an illegal immigrant, ran through a stop sign and struck Moreno-Tamayo. Velasquez-Ortiz then fled the scene, running over Moreno-Tamayo, killing him in the process. Velasquez-Ortiz was later arrested at his home, after police tracked his Ford Explorer registration through witnesses, who got his license plate. He has been in the United States illegally for 15 years, but used forged documents to work at a local beef company and register his car. He had been arrested twice before, including on a DUI charge. It is unclear if authorities discovered his illegal status prior to his current arrest. Luis Velasquez-Ortiz, 42, faced court on Monday in Omaha where a judge set his bond at $2 million after deeming him to be a flight risk. Officials said Velasquez-Ortiz has lived in Omaha for 15 years but he is in the US illegally from Guatemala. He worked at Nebraska Beef. He is accused of fleeing the crash scene at 32nd and Q Streets last Wednesday after his Ford Explorer collided with the motorcycle. Police said he failed to stop at a stop sign and pulled into the intersection. Juan J. Moreno-Tamayo, the 31-year-old motorcyclist, ended up stuck under the Ford Explorer. Velasquez-Ortiz is accused of then accelerating and running over the father of four as he fled the scene. Moreno-Tamayo, who was wearing a DOT approves helmet, died at the scene. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Moving Dear Webby, My question and PLEASE don't laugh because I never did this before and I don't know how. This is my very first computer. I have things on here, by checking acct., bills I pay online, other web sites, stored things like recipes etc., How do I go about changing addresses on all of them if I have to move and once moved will my computer still have all the info once plugged back in? Seriously Webby, I DO NOT know that's why I'm asking you. You never steered me wrong before. Thank You. Chris Dear Chris It depends on how far you are going to move. If you move to the moon, then your address will change from gmail to gmoon. There is also gmars, gvenus, and gheaven. There is no ghell. If you go to hell, you'll have to use AOL. However, if you stay on earth, then your gmail email address won't change. If you use the same ISP at the new place, for example earthlink, then all you change is the dial-up number to the number of that town. They even have a 1-800 for areas between towns, where they have a proper dial-up number. Everything else will stay the same. You can change the default shipping address at DELL, Victoria's Secret, and wherever you shop, when you place a new order. Have FUN DearWebby The very first sex education classes were in the 50's. Naturally, some of the teachers were embarrassed and used only very carefully chosen words. In one class, the teacher was explaining the anatomy of the male genitalia. He said, "The human male testicles are about the size of Plover's eggs." A female voice from the back quipped, "Hey... Neat !!! I've always wondered how big Plover's eggs were."
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"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous liberal press, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end." (This definition has been attributed to students at Texas A&M University. Just so you will know that Aggies know how to do more than build bonfires.)
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A sweet young lady visiting Brooklyn's Zoo in Prospect Park asked the keeper where the monkeys were. Keeper: "They're in the back, making love." Young lady: "Would they come out for some peanuts?" Keeper: "Would you? ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Aphid Repellent Plants You can help prevent aphid infestations on your vegetables by interplanting them with plants that repel aphids. Some examples are anise, chives, coriander, garlic, onions, petunias and radish. Another trick is lay some aluminum foil around the base of a plant, the reflection will help deter the aphids. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ I know you old salts will remember the old days of wooden ships and Iron men, and signalmen. The aircraft carrier U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln was finally inching up to the pier at Pearl Harbor when the Captain of the ship noticed a sailor on the flight deck gesturing wildly with semaphore flags. He then noticed an attractive young woman standing on top of a station wagon, also waving semaphore flags. Always concerned about security and never having seen something like this, the Captain barked at his Bridge Signalman, "What message are those two people sending?" The Signalman concentrated intently and soon reported, "Sir, he is sending FOXTROT-FOXTROT and she is sending ECHO -FOXTROT." Not having any clue as to what these messages could mean, the Captain dispatched an armed Marine to escort the sailor back to the Bridge. The sailor arrived, out of breath from running up the many ladders to the bridge, and saluted smartly. "Seaman Endicott reporting as ordered, sir!" "Seaman", shouted the Captain, "Who is that woman on the pier and why are you exchanging signals FF and EF?" "Sir, that's my wife, Sir, and she wants to eat first!"
Want to sky dive without jumping out of a plane? This looks like a lot of fun!
___________________________________________________ Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, April 19 in
1012 Aelfheah was murdered by Danes who had been ravaging the south of
England. Aelfhear became the 29th Archbishop of Canterbury in 1005. 

1539 Emperor Charles V reached a truce with German Protestants at
Frankfurt, Germany. 

1587 English admiral Sir Francis Drake entered Cadiz harbor and sank
the Spanish fleet. 

1689 Residents of Boston ousted their governor, Edmond Andros. 

1713 Holy Roman Emperor Charles VI issued the Pragmatic Sanction, which
gave women the rights of succession to Hapsburg possessions.

1764 The English Parliament banned the American colonies from printing
paper money. 

1770 Captain James Cook discovered New South Wales, Australia. Cook
originally named the land Point Hicks. 

1775 The American Revolution began as fighting broke out at Lexington,

1782 The Netherlands recognized the new United States. 

1794 Tadeusz Kosciuszko forced the Russians out of Warsaw. 

1802 The Spanish reopened the New Orleans port to American merchants. 

1839 The Kingdom of Belgium was recognized by all the states of Europe
when the Treaty of London was signed. 

1861 Thaddeus S. C. Lowe sailed 900 miles in nine hours in a hot air
balloon from Cincinnati, OH, to Unionville, SC. 

1861 The Baltimore riots resulted in four Union soldiers and nine
civilians killed. 

1861 U.S. President Lincoln ordered a blockade of Confederate ports. 

1892 The Duryea gasoline buggy was introduced in the U.S. by Charles
and Frank Duryea. 

1897 The first annual Boston Marathon was held. It was the first of its
type in the U.S. 

1927 In China, Hankow communists declared war on Chaing Kai-shek. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt issued a proclamation that
removed the U.S. from the gold standard. 

1938 General Francisco Franco declared victory in the Spanish Civil

1939 Connecticut approved the Bill of Rights for the U.S. Constitution
after 148 years. 

1943 The Warsaw Ghetto uprising against Nazi rule began. The Jews were
able to fight off the Germans for 28 days. 

1951 General Douglas MacArthur gave his "Old Soldiers" speech before
the U.S. Congress after being relieved by U.S. President Truman. In the
address General MacArthur said that "Old soldiers never die, they just
fade away." 

1951 Shigeki Tanaka won the Boston Marathon. Tanaka had survived the
atomic blast at Hiroshima, Japan during World War II. 

1960 Baseball uniforms began displaying player's names on their backs. 

1967 Surveyor 3 landed on the moon and began sending photos back to the

1971 Russia launched the Salyut into orbit around Earth. It was the
first space station. 

1975 India launched its first satellite with aid from the USSR. 

1977 Alex Haley received a special Pulitzer Prize for his book "Roots."

1981 In Davao, Philippines, thirteen people were killed when members of
the New People's Army threw hand grenades into the Roman Catholic
cathedral during Easter services. 

1982 The U.S. announced a ban on U.S. tourist and business traval to
Cuba. The U.S. charged the Cuban government with subversion in Central

1987 In Phoenix, AZ, skydiver Gregory Robertson went into a 200-mph
free-fall to save an unconscious colleague 3,500 feet from the ground. 

1987 The last California condor known to be in the wild was captured
and placed in a breeding program at the San Diego Wild Animal Park. 

1989 A gun turret exploded aboard the USS Iowa. 47 sailors were killed.

1989 In El Salvador, Attorney General Alvadora was killed by a car

1993 The Branch-Davidianís compound in Waco, TX, burned to the ground.
It was the end of a 51-day standoff between the cult and U.S. federal
agents. 86 people were killed including 17 children. Nine of the Branch
Davidians escaped the fire. 

1994 A Los Angeles jury awarded $3.8 million to Rodney King for
violation of his civil rights. 

1995 The Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, OK, was
destroyed by a bomb. It was the worst bombing on U.S. territory. 168
people were killed including 19 children, and 500 were injured. Timothy
McVeigh was found guilty of the bombing on June 2, 1997. 

1998 Wang Dan, a leader of 1989 Tienanmen Square pro democracy
protests, was freed by the Chinese government. 

2000 The Oklahoma City National Memorial was dedicated on the fifth
anniversary of the bombing in Oklahoma that killed 168 people. 

2000 In the Philippines, Air Philippines GAP 541 crashed while
preparing to land. 131 people were killed. 

2002 The USS Cole was relaunched. In Yemen, 17 sailors were killed when
the ship was attacked by terrorists on October 12, 2000. The attack was
blamed on Osama bin Laden's Al-Qaida network. 

2018  smiled.

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