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Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 10

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Florida Woman Facing Criminal 
Charges For Ruff Sex 

Today, September 10 in
1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine. 
More of today in history at HIstory
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Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. --- Alfred E. Newman, Hillary ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From when I was filling in for Stormy and her supposedly daily animal stories: One time a summer storm got a bit carried away and tree branches and pine cones and squirrels and pieces of bark and who knows what were flying along horizontally. Luckily my workshop was sheltered bythe garage on the windy side and all the windows were on the safe sides. I watched how the dogs were coping with it. Most were lying down in their favorite naptime configurations, except Dora. She stood there, facing the wind, snapping at pine cones and whatever flew by. Then she actually caught a squirrel! Either she or the squirrel must have made a certain noise, because instantly all the other dogs were on their feet and playing the same game, catching wind-blown stuff, and having a great time. It only lasted about a few minutes, then the wind slowed down. The dogs all turned to look down to the workshop and giving short barks, as if they were trying to coax me to turn the wind on again. ______________________________________________________ North Korean Military Parade last week, the first one since the Trump meeting, showed no more nukes, no more Intercontinental missiles, but more military women in mini skirts showing off trim legs, and medals. They are rubbing it in to Trump, that THEY can afford a parade and no Democrat mayor is going to stop them. They have camps for mayors like that. They still showed impressive numbers of tanks and artillery, but most impressive were the legions of women in mini skirts. _____________________________________________________
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_____________________________________________________ On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?" ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ashley Miller, 18, Bradenton, Florida Florida Woman Facing Criminal Charges For Ruff Sex A Florida woman has been charged with engaging in sexual activity with her pit bull, according to cops who found photos of the canine encounters stored on the suspectís cell phone. In the course of an investigation into the transmission of harmful material to a minor, police earlier this month searched the phone of Ashley Miller, an 18-year-old Bradenton resident, according to an arrest warrant affidavit. In a folder titled "2-face fun," investigators found 17 photos of a "canine performing oral sex on an unknown white female." In a subsequent interview with cops, Miller acknowledged she was the woman in the photos and that she was being licked by her dog "2-face." Miller said that the female dog, which she has owned since 2006, has "licked her vagina on approximately 30 to 40 occasions" police reported. Miller further explained that she "would call 2-face into her room, take her pants off, open her legs and 2-face would lick her vagina." She added that a prior dog, named "Scarface", also licked her on a similar number of occasions. Seen in the above mug shot, Miller was arrested Friday and charged with two misdemeanor counts of sexual activities involving animals. Miller was freed from jail Saturday after posting $1000 bond.
From: Pam Re: Export Chrome bookmarks Dear Webby, How do I back up the Chrome Bookmarks? All the info I can find is obsolete and does not work with current versions of Chrome. Pam Dear Pam Ctrl SHift o Hit the 3 dots in the right top of the Bookmark Page, not the browser page. Now it acts as if it is in a snit because you are using forbidden shortcuts and makes you wait. Eventually, it brings up the Save page, suggesting that you save it to some Windows typical and very forgettable location. Change that to a place you can find easily. You can even select your USB Key-fob. For the file name, it suggests something like bookmarks_9_9_18.html That is nicely descriptive. The Windows lady must have been on maternity leave when they programmed that! If you have another computer networked, and have a directory there with permissions for you to save to it, you can save it to there. Then you can IMPORT the bookmarks to that computer. You can, of course do that too by sticking your USB key fob drive into the other machine. Saves you messing with permissions. If you don't have a keyfob USB drive for a "Sneaker Net", you can save the bookmarks onto a camera chip. It doesn't take much room. Mine is 265 KB, the equivalent of a very small picture. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
When I worked as a technical-support specialist for a service company, customer help calls ranged from the mundane to the bizarre. One memorable problem I had to trouble-shoot came from a man who complained that every time he flushed his toilet, his computer would reboot. It turned out that he lived in a rural area with water supplied by a well with an electric pump. Every time he flushed, it would turn on the pump, causing a dip in the electric power, which in turn would cause his computer to restart itself. I recommended a UPS (Uninterruptible Power Supply), just a cheap one with 5 minutes capacity. Actually, even the ones built into some overpriced power bars promise that, but don't deliver that outside of the store. For stuff like that you need one that has a motorcycle battery or a drone battery pack. The motorcycle battery is usually much cheaper, and will give you plenty of time for a proper shut-down if the lights go out. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Sandie for this story: Woman comes home and tells her husband, the local minister: "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies: "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone." Well, that is wonderful" Said the husband. His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she Sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!" His funeral service will be held on Friday. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save All The Receipts Save all the receipts from back to school shopping so you can return items that turn out to not be needed. Also, your child may decide they want to wear a different style clothes after school starts, keep tags and receipts so unwanted (and unused) items can be returned. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Coral Castle is the Stonehenge of Florida.
___________________________________________________ This is an oldie. I ran it before. Let's see if you can do better this time! Can you find the names of 16 books from the Bible in the paragraph below without the aid of your bible? (One minister found 15 of the books in 20 minutes, but it took him weeks to find the last one.) I once made the remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lulu; kept people looking so hard for facts... and for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the books were not capitalized. But the truth finally struck home to numbers of our readers. To others it was a real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you. Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a minister to find one of them, and there will be loud lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax now, for there really are sixteen names of books of the Bible in this paragraph. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Pilot: "Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land. 600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please instruct!" Tower: "Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, who art in heaven...'" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 10 in
1608 John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA
colony council. 

1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred in
the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The leader of
the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have met the
enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William Henry

1845 King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange. 

1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine. 

1897 British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving.
It was the first DWI. 

1913 The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved
coast-to-coast highway in the U.S. 

1919 New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and General
John J. Pershing who had served in the First Division during
World War I. 

1919 Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of St.-Germain-
en-Laye. Austria recognized the independence of Poland,
Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia. 

1921 The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin. The
road is known for its nonexistent speed limit. 

1923 The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations. 

1926 Germany joined the League of Nations. 

1939 Canada declared war on Germany. 

1940 In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb. 

1942 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline
rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort. 

1943 German forces began their occupation of Rome during
World War II. 

1948 Mildred "Axis Sally" Gillars was indicted for treason in
Washington, DC. Gillars was a Nazi radio propagandist during
World War II. She was convicted and spent 12 years in prison.

1951 Britain began an economic boycott of Iran. 

1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner." 

1955 "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS. 

1956 Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga,

1963 Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama
at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and
Alabama governor George C. Wallace. 

1979 U.S. President Carter granted clemency to four Puerto
Rican nationalists who had been imprisoned for an attack on
the U.S. House of Representatives in 1954 and an attempted
assassination of U.S. President Truman in 1950. 

1981 Pablo Picasso's mural Guernica was received in the town
of Guernica. 

1989 Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German
refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany. 

1990 Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with past
enemy Iraq. 

1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free oil to developing
nations in an attempt to win their support during the Gulf
War Crisis. 

1998 Northwest Airlines announced an agreement with pilots,
ending a nearly two-week walkout. 

1999 A bronze sculpture of a war horse just over 24 feet high
was dedicated in Milan, Italy. 

2002 Florida tested its new elections system. The test
resulted in polling stations opening late and problems
occurred with the touch screen voting machines. 

2002 The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit
opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of American

2002 Switzerland became the 190th member of the United

2018  smiled.

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