Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Due to a total lack of Gullible Warming, we had snow today.
Obama says it's trump's fault.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Burglar drank 24 bottles of beer and 
Jägermeister and tried to escape on bike

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Today, September 14 in
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon
 Bonaparte's troops invaded. One way to stop  looting!
More of today in history at HIstory
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



The nice thing about egotists is that they don't 
talk about other people.
--- Lucille S. Harper 

Some people will never learn anything because 
they understand everything too soon.
--- Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744) 
----------or think they do
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If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

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The following was overheard at a recent high society party...

"My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great,"
said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked,
"How far does your family go back?"

"I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost
in the flood."

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A Statistician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in
a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the
house on the other side of the street. First they see two
people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they
notice three persons coming out of the house.

The Physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate." The
Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced."
The Statistician says: "Now if another person enters the house,
it'll be empty again."

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Rugby hurts!

_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

A mother may hope that her daughter will get
a better husband than she did, but she knows her
son will never get as good a wife as his father did.

___________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by


Jy Kennedy, 24,
Weoley Castle, 
Birmingham
England


Burglar drank 24 bottles of beer and 
Jägermeister and tried to escape on bike

A burglar downed 24 bottles of beer and a bottle of
Jägermeister before he tried to escape from police on a
bicycle. Jy Kennedy, who had also taken cocaine, was chased by
police for a mile as he made a number of U-turns to shake them
off. The 24-year-old eventually crashed into a police car and
fell off, ending the chase on August 5 in Weoley Castle,
Birmingham.

Kennedy, of Pershore Road, Selly Oak, who had previously
admitted burglary and theft, and had asked for three other
burglaries to be taken into consideration, was jailed for two
years. The chase began after two officers heard a burglar alarm
go off in Bournville Lane and spotted Kennedy cycling along
clutching a flat screen TV. Mark Phillips, prosecuting at
Birmingham Crown Court, said: It was quite clear the defendant
was drunk. He tried to run but did not get very far and was
arrested. When police searched his home they found a number of
items he had taken from the same address earlier laid out on
his bed including a jewellery box, a camcorder and a watch.
When quizzed, Kennedy said he had been recently released from
prison and was bored.

Mr Phillips said: ‘He took cocaine at about 6am and bought and
drank 24 bottles of Budweiser followed by a bottle of
Jagermeister. ‘It was in that state he had gone out to burgle.’
Judge Roderick Henderson said it was clear Kennedy had visited
the address more than once and that he had taken some items of
sentimental value which had never been recovered. Delroy Henry,
defending, said Kennedy had shown a lack of maturity and still
had a lot of growing up to do. He was soon to be a father and
would miss his first born’s birth if sent to jail.



From: Barbara C
Re: Infected Mac

Hello Webby, I have had a Mac lap top for less than 2 years. A
while back I allowed who I thought was An Amazon rep into the
computer. When I realized the mistake the link was severed.
Soooo I had Best Buy take a look because I wasn’t sure if it
had been compromised.  They added Webroot. Now it buffers and
is slow to take commands. Is that protection really neccesary
since I thought Mac was set up to be protected against attack.
Can I just stop that program? Some help would be a appreciated.
Thanks Barbara

Dear Barbara
I have not touched a Mac since the days, when you were still
jail bait. 
However, I know that the concept that Macs are protected is
just BS and advertising. As you found out, they are not
protected.

On the Humor Letter, you see the links for 
Malwarebytes.
Get that to clean up your Mac and to protect it.
Then you can UNinstall that webroot.
Have FUN
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

One woman was talking to her friend, "You should listen to   
my neighbor," she says. "She is always bad-mouthing her poor   
husband behind his back. I think that's so rude. Look at me!
My husband is fat, lazy and cheap; but have you ever heard   
me say a bad word about about him?" 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




> Uncle Chuk
Life has taught me that no matter how dark it seems, there's
always a light on at the Motel 6.

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Socks Together
Attach pairs of socks with a safety pin before putting them
in the washer. Even better, pin them together when you take
them off and toss them in the dirty clothes hamper. The best
safety pins are diaper safety pins which are less likely to
damage other clothing.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

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Wildly beautiful photos of Flamingos from the air.

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 Rosh Hashanah is a time for introspection, and purifying one's
soul, In conjunction with this is the custom of Tashlich, where
people take crumbs and throw them into a river or other body of
water to symbolize throwing away one's sins and starting the
new year fresh.

However, times have changed...

Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread is in
the house lacks subtlety, nuance and religious sensitivity.
Instead, consider these options this year for Rosh Hashanah:

For ordinary sins, use White Bread
For exotic sins, French Bread
For particularly dark sins, Pumpernickel
For complex sins, Multi-grain
For twisted sins, Pretzels
For tasteless sins, Rice Cakes
For sins of indecision, Waffles
For sins committed in haste, Matzah
For sins of chutzpah, Bread that's fresh
For substance abuse, Poppy Seed
For committing arson, Toast
For committing auto theft, Caraway
For being ill tempered, Sourdough
For silliness, Nut Bread
For jingoism,Yankee Doodles
For excessive use of irony, Rye Bread
For telling bad jokes, Corn Bread
For hardening our hearts, Jelly doughnuts
For war-mongering, Kaiser Rolls
For immodest dressing, Tarts
For causing injury or damage to others, Tortes
For promiscuity, Hot Buns
For being holier than thou, Bagels
For unfairly upbraiding another, Challah
For trashing the environment, Dumplings
For sins of laziness, Any Very Long Loaf
For lying, Baked Goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra
For the sins of the righteous, Angel Food Cake
For selling your soul, Devils Food Cake
For lust in your heart, Wonder Bread
For inhaling, Stoned Wheat

For your convenience, your local delicatessen has pre-mixed
bread crumbs for sale.

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which
had just opened in a nearby village . When they arrived, he
took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the
hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of
learnin' are you teachin'?"

"Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at
the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic."

"What's this ?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith...
what did you say?"

"'Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in
geometry, algebra and trigonometry."

"Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. "That's what my
boy needs.
He's the worst darn shot in the family."

____________________________________________________



Today, September 14 in
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon
Bonaparte's troops invaded. One way to stop  looting! 

1814 Francis Scott Key wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner," a poem
originally known as "Defense of Fort McHenry," after witnessing
the British bombardment of Fort McHenry, MD, during the War of
1812. The song became the official U.S. national anthem on
March 3, 1931. 

1847 U.S. forces took control of Mexico City under the
leadership of General Winfield Scott. 

1866 George K. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon. 

1899 In New York City, Henry Bliss became the first automobile
fatality. 

1901 U.S. President William McKinley died of gunshot wounds
inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt, at
age 42, succeeded him. 

1915 Carl G. Muench received a patent for Insulit, the first
sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings. 

1938 The VS-300 made its first flight. The craft was based on
the helicopter technology patented by Igor Sikorsky. 

1940 The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S. Congress
providing the first peacetime draft in the United States. 

1959 Luna II, a Soviet space probe, became the first man-made
object on the moon when it crash landed on the surface. 

1960 The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries
(OPEC) was founded. The core members were Iran, Iraq, Kuwait,
Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela. 

1963 Mary Ann Fischer gave birth to America's first surviving
quintuplets. 

1972 "The Waltons" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1975 Pope Paul VI declared Mother Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton
the first U.S.-born saint. 

1978 "Mork & Mindy" premiered on ABC-TV. 

1983 The U.S. House of Representatives voted 416-0 in a
resolution condemning the Soviet Union for the shooting down of
a Korean jet on September 1. 

1984 Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon
solo across the Atlantic Ocean. 

1987 Tony Magnuson cleared 9.5 feet above the top of the U-ramp
and set a new skateboard high jump record. 

1998 Israel announced that they had successfully tested its
Arrow-2 missile defense system. The system successfully
destroyed a simulated target. 

2001 The FBI released the names of the 19 suspected hijackers
that had taken part in the September 11 terror attacks on the
U.S.

2009 Greyhound UK began operations as an hourly service between
London and Portsmouth or Southampton. 

2015 In Livingston, LA, and Hanford, WA, the Laser
Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO) detectors
detected gravitational waves for the first time. The news was
reported on February 11, 2016. 

2018  smiled.






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