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Today is Monday, September 17

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Today's Bonehead Award: 

Russia's Dominos Pizza regrets telling 
customers they’ll get 100 years of pizza 
if they tattoo themselves with the Dominos logo

Today, September 17 in
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance 
that expelled all Jews from France. 
More of today in history at HIstory
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Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery. --- Dr. Joyce Brothers (1928 - ) Children are natural mimics who act like their parents in spite of every effort to teach them good manners. --- Socratex ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Out in space two alien forms are speaking with each other. The first spaceman says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based weapons." The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?" The first spaceman says, "I don't think so...They have them aimed at themselves." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious patient. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today." the caller said. "Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked. "No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette." ----------- Don't feel bad. I have been a diabetic for about a dozen years, but I still have no clue what being light headed means. Smart-Ass I know, but light-headed???? ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
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_____________________________________________________ Benjamin is in the midst of a long dry spell in Las Vegas. Eventually he gambles away all his money and has to borrow a quarter from another gambler just to use the men's room. He finds a stall that happens to be open and pockets the quarter. Believing that his luck has finally changed, he puts the quarter in a slot machine and hits the jackpot. He takes his winnings and goes to the blackjack table and turns his modest winnings into a million dollars. Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, Benjamin goes on the lecture circuit, where he tells his incredible story. He tells his audiences that he will always be eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever finds the man, he will share his fortune with him. After months of speaking, a man in the audience jumps up and says, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the quarter." "Yes, I ! remember you well, but you aren't the one I'm looking for. I mean the guy who left the stall door open!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dominos Pizza Russia Russia's Dominos Pizza regrets telling customers they’ll get 100 years of pizza if they tattoo themselves with the Dominos logo Domino’s Pizza have done a U-turn on a promotion that promised free pizzas for life to anyone who got a tattoo of their logo. The Russian branch of the fast food company promised those that got the inkings 100 free pizzas for the next 100 years. But it would appear the brand were not expecting so many people to take part, as they quickly had to change their promotion to the ‘first 350 people’ within days of it going live. And with many Russians desperate for their chance to have 10,000 free pizzas, the quota filled up at a rapid speed. ‘Friends, we already have 350 participants!’ Domino’s Russia urgently wrote on Facebook on September 10. ‘We are not receiving any new tattoos! ‘If you are at a tattoo artist’s and getting tattoos, we will include you in the list of participants. But we are waiting for pictures before 12:00 today. ‘For those [getting tattoos] later, we recommend cancelling the appointment, because unfortunately we will not be able to include you.’ The ‘Domino’s forever’ campaign had originally been due for two months, from August 31 until October 31. But while the promotion has now been officially closed, it would appear that some Russians have not quite got the memo. The latest image shared on Instagram was just four hours ago and is yet to warrant a reply from the company. While another picture posted yesterday depicting the logo embedded in a heart-shaped pizza has also been met with silence.
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"Prison officials in New Jersey, this week, had to use tear gas to break up a prison riot. You know what they call tear gas in New Jersey? Air freshener." ---Jay Leno
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The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the woman he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposal. He began what can only be called a "Campaign" and sent her a token of his affection every day for a month to her house. The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love with the UPS man. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Cooking Different Cuts of Meat Tough cuts of meat are best cooked with moisture like stewing or using a slow cooker. The moisture will soften tough cuts of meat and make them more appetizing. Tender cuts of meat should be cooked with dry heat by pan frying, barbecuing or oven roasting. Tip provided by
21 Simple but genius ideas that need to be implemented in every country immediately.
___________________________________________________ On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under- ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room. "Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes into labor!" The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 17 in
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that expelled
all Jews from France. 

1778 The United States signed its first treaty with a Native
American tribe, the Delaware Nation. 

1787 The Constitution of the United States of America was
signed by delegates at the Constitutional Convention. 

1862 The Battle of Antietam took place during the American
Civil War. More than 23,000 men were killed, wounded, or
missing. The Rebel advance was ended with heavy losses to both

1872 Phillip W. Pratt patented a version of the sprinkler

1911 The first transcontinental airplane flight started. It
took C.P. Rogers 82 hours to fly from New York City to
Pasadena, CA. 

1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam,
began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV. 

1932 Sir Malcolm Campbell set a speed record when he reached
276.27 mph over a half mile. 

1939 The Soviet Union invaded Poland. Germany had invaded
Poland on September 1. Germany's invasion caused Britain to
declare war against Germany and start WWII. Russia invading the
other half of Poland was considered traditional European border
re-arrangement and quite OK.

1944 Operation "Market Garden" was launched by Allied
paratroopers during World War II. The landing point was behind
German lines in the Netherlands. 

1953 The Ochsner Foundation Hospital in New Orleans, LA,
successfully separated Siamese twins. Carolyn Anne and
Catherine Anne Mouton were connected at the waist when born. 

1962 U.S. space officials announced the selection of Neil A.
Armstrong and eight others as new astronauts. 

1965 "Hogan's Heroes" debuted on CBS-TV. 

1966 "Mission Impossible" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1972 "M*A*S*H" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1976 NASA unveiled the space shuttle Enterprise in Palmdale,

1983 Vanessa Williams, as Miss New York, became the first black
woman to be crowned Miss America. 

1984 9,706 immigrants became naturalized citizens when they
were sworn in by U.S. Vice-President George Bush in Miami, FL.
It was the largest group to become U.S. citizens. 

1984 Gordon P. Getty was named the richest person in the U.S.
His fortune was $4.1 billion. 

1992 Lawrence Walsh called a halt to his probe of the Iran-
Contra scandal. The investigation had lasted 5 1/2 years. 

1995 Hong Kong held its last legislative election before being
taken over by China in 1997. 

1997 Northern Ireland's main Protestant party joined in peace
talks. It was the first time that all of the major players had
come together. 

1998 The U.S. announced a plan that would compensate victims in
the Kenya and Tanzania U.S. Embassy bombings on August 7, 1998.

2018  smiled.

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