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Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 29

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

Driving with revoked license, 
carrying stolen gun and dope

Today, September 29 in
1977 Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a heavyweight
title boxing match. About 70 million people watched Muhammad Ali
defeat Ernie Shavers on NBC-TV. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness. --- Franz Kafka (1883 - 1924) ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Craig for this one: Like a lot of married men, I got the "You just don't appreciate me" speech once from Juanita. I promised to treat her royally for the remainder of the day. I took her to lunch at Burger King and Dairy Queen for dessert. She's never mentioned it since. ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play. One said, "Let's play doctor." "Good idea." said the other. "You operate, and I'll sue." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned. Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Ah, no. That wasn't my husband. My husband just walked in the front door." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jason Salkeld, 41, Lincoln, Nebraska Driving with revoked license, carrying stolen gun and dope Lincoln Police arrested a 41-year-old man after he was found to be in possession of methamphetamine and a gun stolen from a Lincoln business in 2016. LPD said on Tuesday around 7:30 p.m., Jason Salkeld, 41, was observed driving a vehicle near 86th and Lexington Avenue. The officer recognized Salkeld and was aware his license was revoked. After making contact, Salkeld was found to be in possession of 2.1 grams of suspected meth, and a stolen handgun was also found in his backpack. The gun had been reported stolen from Acher Arms on Dec. 25, 2016 during a burglary.
>From Edith Re: Free Fax Dear Webby, You mentioned a free fax service once, but that was before I disconnected my fax line and sold my fax machine when I retired. So at that time I did not pay attention and bookmark that site. Can you please look it up and mention it again? I need it to fax my prescription to Costco. I still have my scanner and scanned the 2 pages from my doctor's prescreiption. Thanks Edith Dear Edith I don't have to look it up. I use it often enough so that I remember it. is a fantastic service! I have used them for many years and never a problem. The first time you use them it may seem a bit intimidating. Don't worry! It is actually really easy, and your browser will remember everything for the next time. Just put in your name and phone number, so that the pharmacy can call you back and confirm each line item, in case you don't need the full amount of some of the stuff. And also your email address. Then you enter the recipient name and fax number Next you browse to the two pages you scanned and highlight them and click OK. It doesn't bother to show their names, but don't worry. It has got them. Then you hit send. It may seem that nothing is happening. It just silently hauls your scanned pages up to them. Now check your email. It has a line to click on to confirm that it is indeed you who wants to send a fax. Then they actually send the fax. Well, they try. If the recipient's machine is busy or out of paper, they keep trying until it goes through. That may take some time. However, don't worry. They will keep tryiing until it does go through. When it does, you get an email telling you that your fax has been received by the pharmacy, or wherever you faxed to. Three pages per fax are free. For $1.99 you can get their "Almost Free Fax" deal and send 25 pages. So far I have never needed to send more than 3 pages at a time, but if I ever have to, I know I can with I can highly recommend This is not an ad or commission deal, just a recommendation from a frequent user. Have FUN DearWebby

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There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATE!!!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A husband asks his wife, "If I should die first would you marry again?" "I would be heart-broken, of course," was her reply, "but I think eventually I would remarry." "But you wouldn't bring him here to our house?" "Why not? I've worked and slaved to make this house a home. There is no reason to abandon it." "But you wouldn't sleep in our bed?" "Well, I wouldn't run out and buy a new bed right away." "Surely, you wouldn't let him use my golf clubs?" "Of course not! He's lefthanded!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Don't Mow Wet Grass Try to avoid mowing your lawn when it's wet. The clippings will stick to the blade and interior of the mower and will clog it. If you do mow grass when it's a little wet, spray the blade with some spray cooking oil (like Pam) to help prevent sticking. Here the grass has frost on it. I won't mow that today! Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
It's a hairy situation! Take a look at the beard and mustache winners of the 2017 contest.
___________________________________________________ From The Office Party Planning Committee... 16 Reasons Why Alcohol Should Be Served At Work... 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It leads to more honest communications. 3. It reduces complaints about low pay 4. Employees tell management what they think, not what they want to hear. 5. It encourages car pooling. 6. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad job, you don't care. 7. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 8. It makes fellow employees look better. 9. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 10. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 11. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable. 12. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at the bar. 13. It makes everyone more open with their ideas. 14. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on their lunch break. 15. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up. 16. Sitting "Bare ass" on the copy machine will no longer be seen as gross." ----------- I don't drink, but find that funny anyway. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
While touring historic buildings in Alexandria, Virginia, we visited an old church. The guide told us that George Washington had attended services there and pointed to his pew. A reverent silence fell. The guide, encouraged by this, went on to tell us that church services back then had been very lengthy -- frequently lasting three hours or more. The mood of the moment was shattered when an anonymous voice whispered loudly, "So George Washington slept here too!" ____________________________________________________

Today, September 29 in
1789 A regular army was established by the U.S. War Department
with several hundred men. 

1829 The first public appearance by London's re-organized police
force was met with jeers from political opponents. The force
became known as Scotland Yard. 

1943 U.S. Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower and Italian Marshal Pietro
Badoglio signed an armistice aboard the British ship Nelson. 

1946 "The Adventures of Sam Spade" debuted on CBS Radio. 

1951 The first network football game was televised by CBS-TV in
color. The game was between the University of California and the
University of Pennsylvania. 

1962 U.S. President John F. Kennedy nationalized the Mississippi
National guard in response to city officials defying federal
court orders. The orders had been to enroll James Meredith at the
University of Mississippi. 

1967 The International Monetary Fund reformed monetary systems
around the world. 

1977 Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a heavyweight
title boxing match. About 70 million people watched Muhammad Ali
defeat Ernie Shavers on NBC-TV. 

1982 In Chicago, IL, seven people died after taking capsules of
Extra-Strength Tylenol that had been laced with cyanide. 264,000
bottles were recalled. 

1983 The War Powers Act was used for the first time by the U.S.
Congress when they authorized President Reagan to keep U.S.
Marines in Lebanon for 18 more months. 

1983 "A Chorus Line" with performance number 3,389 became the
longest running show on Broadway. 

1984 Irish officials announced that they had intercepted the
Marita Anne carrying seven tons of U.S.-purchased weapons. The
weapons were intended for the Irish Republican Army. 

1984 Elizabeth Taylor was voted to be the world's most beautiful
woman in a Louis Harris poll. Taylor was at the time in the Betty
Ford Clinic overcoming a weight problem. 

1988 The space shuttle Discovery took off from Cape Canaveral in
Florida. It was the first manned space flight since the
Challenger disaster. 

1990 "Millie's Book" by First Lady Barbara Bush was the best-
selling non-fiction book in the U.S. 

1992 Brazilian lawmakers overwhelmingly voted to impeach
President Fernando Collor de Mello. 

1993 Bosnia's parliament voted overwhelmingly to reject an
international peace plan unless Bosnian Serbs returned land that
had been taken by force. 

1994 The U.S. House voted to end the practice of lobbyist buying
meals and entertainment for members of Congress. 

1998 Hasbro announced plans to introduce an action figure of
retired U.S. General Colin Powell. 

2008 The Dow Industrial Average lost 777 points. It was the
largest one-day decline to date. The drop came after the U.S.
House of Representatives had voted down a $700 billion bank
bailout plan. 

2010 In China, Canton Tower became operational. 

2018  smiled.

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