When a computer slows down 

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October 17

By the time you read this I will have had my October shots
into my eyeballs and will be stumbling around groping walls
and of course any females within reach. 
It is surprising what one can get away with while wearing 
dark glasses at the Eye Center. 
Some even grope back!

That means I won't be sending out newsletters or 
answering mail or Skype for 3 days.

Enjoy your vacation!

home4christmas.com is for sale! 
Make an offer! $50 minimum.
You  can use it for anything you want.

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 

SC man shot cousin over potato chips

Today, October 17 in
1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga, NY. It
was the turning point in the American Revolutionary War. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution. --- Edward Teller (1908 - 2003) ______________________________________________________ Masculine, Feminine... Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non- living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples: FREEZER BAGS They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. PHOTOCOPIERS These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong buttons. TIRES Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated. HOT AIR BALLOONS Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt. SPONGES These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water. WEB PAGES Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on. TRAINS Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people. HOURGLASS An hourglass is female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom. HAMMERS Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around. THE REMOTE CONTROL Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny's father was a pastor in a small church. One day, his father told Little Johnny that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them. Little Johnny became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet him. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Little Johnny bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Little Johnny agreed to do this and was very excited. His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishops room and then say to him "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up." Little Johnny was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally the day came and Little Johnny had learned all his lines. He went to the door and knocked. He was so excited and nervous though that his lines got mixed up and the boy said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team's response times. "Since we installed our new satellite navigation system," bragged the first one, "we cut our emergency response time by ten percent." The other paramedics nodded in approval. "Not bad," the second paramedic commented. "But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we've cut our average ERT by 20 percent." Again, the other team members gave their congratulations, until the third paramedic said, "That's nothing! Since our ambulance driver passed the bar exam, we've cut our emergency response time in half!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ryan Dean Langdale, 19, Ruffin South Carolina SC man shot cousin over potato chips A South Carolina man was arrested and charged with attempted murder after shooting his cousin over a bag of salt and vinegar potato chips, according to news reports. Authorities in Colleton County took Ryan Dean Langdale, 19, into custody Wednesday after learning the details about the shooting of his 17-year-old cousin on Sept. 29, The Post and Courier reported. The shooting happened in Ruffin about 60 miles west of Charleston. Langdale first told investigators that the victim accidentally shot himself when he dropped a hunting rifle, according to the newspaper. But after undergoing surgery for the gunshot wound, the victim admitted to authorities that Langdale shot him over a bag of chips. “Do not touch my chips, or I’ll shoot you,” Langdale told his cousin, the Post reported, citing a sheriff’s incident report. Langdale then grabbed a rifle, pointed it at the victim and “the rifle went off,” the report said. Langdale was arrested and held on a $55,000 bail, according to the Post. He’s charged with attempted murder, using a firearm in a violent crime and obstructing justice, according to the newspaper. Salt and vinegar potato chips are easy to come by in Colleton County and the victim reportedly told investigators he never actually ate the chips.
From: Denise Re: Computer slowing down Dear Webby My computer slows down whenever I have 3-4 Windows open. I used to be able to have a dozen of then open without a problem. If i don't reboot it when it slows down, it stalls and hangs and I have to shut it off the hard way. I don't think it is infected, since I use Spybot and McAfee. What's the prescribed fix? Denise Dear Denise There seems to be a lot of that going around. Luckily there is an easy remedy. Get CrapCleaner from my tool box at http://webby.com/tools and run it. It is free, and it will make a huge difference. It has helped everybody to whom I recommended it. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
>Fron Eras It was a hectic day of running errands with my wife and son. As if the stress weren't enough, four-year-old Christopher insisted on asking questions about everything, told me how to drive better, and sang every song he knew. Finally, fed up with the incessant chatter, I made him an offer: "Christopher, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you a quarter." It worked. But when we stopped for lunch, I unknowingly began to harp on him. "Christopher, sit up straight ... don't spill your drink ... don't talk with your mouth full." Finally he said seriously, "Dad, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you a quarter."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?" The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Cold Weather Bed Tip During cold weather, I put the fitted sheet on as usual then I put a blanket on and tuck it in. Another blanket goes on top of that one and then I proceed with the flat sheet and as many other blankets and quilts as we need. No need for an electric blanket! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
The Dazzling Quilts of 19th-Century British Soldiers Are Threaded With Mystery
___________________________________________________ Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!" "That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in the living room and tell me about it." "Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math, and 20 in science." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Hailey, 4, heard a thunderstorm rumbling overhead and asked her parents and grandparents to listen to it. After the thunder stopped, Hailey told everyone to be quiet for a minute and she began to pray and asked God to stop the thunder and lightning. Immediately after she said "Amen," another clap of thunder was heard. Hailey looked up towards heaven and said, "You're not listening!"

Today October 17 in
1739 Thomas Coram was granted a Royal Charter from George II so a
"hospital for the maintenance and education of exposed and
deserted young children" in London, England. 

1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga, NY. It
was the turning point in the American Revolutionary War. 

1888 The first issue of "National Geographic Magazine" was
released at newsstands. 

1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was
sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. 

1933 Dr. Albert Einstein moved to Princeton, NJ, after leaving

1945 Colonel Juan Peron became the dictator of Argentina after
staging a coup in Buenos Aires. 

1973 The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC)
began an oil-embargo against several countries including the U.S.
and Great Britain. The incident stemmed from Western support of
Israel when Egypt and Syria attacked the nation on October 6,
1973. The embargo lasted until March of 1974. 

1978 U.S. President Carter signed a bill that restored full U.S.
citizenship rights to Confederate President Jefferson Davis. 

1979 Mother Teresa of India was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. 

1987 U.S. First Lady Nancy Reagan underwent a modified radical
mastectomy at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland. 

1989 An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale hit the San
Francisco Bay area in California. The quake caused about 67
deaths, 3,000 injuries, and damages up to $7 billion. 

1994 Israel and Jordan initialed a draft peace treaty. 

1994 The Angolan government and rebels agreed to a peace treaty
that ended their 19 years of civil war. 

1997 The remains of revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara were laid
to rest in his adopted Cuba, 30 years after his execution in

2000 In New York City, Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum opened to the
public. The 42nd Street location joined Tussaud's other
exhibitions already in London, Hong Kong, Amsterdam and Las

2000 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) achieved his 448th victory
as a goalie in the NHL. Roy passed Terry Sawchuck to become the
record holder for career victories. 

2001 Israel's tourism minister was killed. A radical Palestinian
faction claimed that it had carried out the assassination to
avenge the killing of its leader by Israel 2 months earlier. 

2001 Pakistan placed its armed forces on high alert because of
troop movements by India in the disputed territory of Kashmir.
India said that the movements were part of a normal troop

2001 Italian priest Giuseppe "Beppe" Pierantoni was kidnapped by
the terrorist group the "Pentagon." He was released on April 8,

2003 In the U.S., the Food and Drug Administration approved a
drug, known as memantine, to help people with Alzheimer's

2003 In Taipei, Taiwan, construction crews finished 1,676-foot-
tall-building called Taipei 101. The building was planned to open
for business in 2004. 

2018  smiled.

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