Good Morning, !

Thank you very much, Frank!!!
Today is Saturday, December 8

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Utah Mom Lured Ex Out of Apartment Before 
Murdering his current wife

Blondie jumping onto frozen lake 
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Today, December 8 in
1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate 
Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus, 
was free of original sin from the moment she was conceived. 
More of today in history at History
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



There are sadistic scientists who hurry to hunt down errors
 instead of establishing the truth.
--- Marie Curie (1867 - 1934)  

It is always a silly thing to give advice, 
but to give good advice is fatal.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) 

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like 
who drinks as much as you do."
--- Dylan Thomas

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A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas.   
She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What   
rotten luck I've had today! What in the world should I do   
now?"   

A man standing next to her suggests, "I don't know... why   
don't you play your age?"   

He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by   
a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He   
rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the   
crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table   
operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks,   
"What happened? Is she all right?"   

The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money   
on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"   

________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

In a grocery store a cashier held up a small dairy carton   
and yelled to a co-worker, "How much is half-and-half?"   

Without a moment's hesitation the other cashier replied,   
"One."   

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DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICANISM
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his
cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you
with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive
and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of
cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. Under the new farm program the government pays
you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down
the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do
an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk
of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin
an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and
are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the
size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They
learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the
top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink
lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred
miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of
vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While
ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn
you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them
again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes
over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't
milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of
their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed
attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow
thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow
won't share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of
the Flemish cow's milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in
half. The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best
looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best
accidentally vote for the black one. Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to
vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only
five speak English. Many are illegals. Arnold likes the ones with
the big udders. 

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Waiting for hubby

_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
___________________________________________________





An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Chelsea Watrous Cook,
32,
Salt Lake City,
Utah

Utah Mom Lured Ex Out of Apartment Before 
Murdering his current wife

Utah has never executed a woman or had a woman on death row, but
that could change after Sunday night's murder in suburban Salt
Lake City. Chelsea Watrous Cook, 32, has been charged with
aggravated murder in the shooting of Lisa Vilate Williams, 26,
and could face the death penalty, Deseret News reports. Police
say the teacher lured ex-husband Travis Cook out of his apartment
by saying she had cold medicine for one of their 3-year-twins,
reports the AP. Security camera footage captured her hiding in
the hallway as he walked out to the parking lot. Police say she
then sneaked into the apartment, where she ended up shooting
Williams, her ex-husband's new girlfriend, who had been making
Christmas tree ornaments with the twins.

Authorities say Travis Cook managed to get the gun away from his
ex-wife and pin her to a wall until police arrived. Williams'
mother and sister tell the AP that they feared for her safety
after Cook harassed her and bullied her online for months. Public
records state that Cook was charged with misdemeanor domestic
violence last month after arguing with her ex-husband when he
tried to pick up the twins. Court records state that she yelled
"disparaging comments" about Williams, who was not present, and
grabbed her ex-husband by the hair, causing him to tumble down
stairs. Cook, who worked as a health and yoga teacher at a Lehi
high school, is being held without bail.



From: Kitty
Re: Locked icons

Dear Webby,
here i am again. how do i unlock the icons. to where we can 
move them around the screen. not all bunched toughther. ?
 
  Kitty

Dear Kitty
Right-click on the desktop and choose Arrange Icons. 
Unclick Auto Arrange. 
Unclick Align to grid.
They should now stay where you put them. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

Thanks to Sandie for this story:

The doctor said to a patient's husband, "I'm sorry. We did 
all that was humanly possible, but we just can't wake her 
from her coma. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid." 

"But doctor, she's so young! She's only thirty-nine." 

Upon which the comatose wife weakly said, "Thirty-seven!" 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Old buddies Father Mulhaney and Rabbi Silverman were having 
their monthly breakfast. Father Mulhaney was enjoying his usual 
bacon and eggs, while Rabbi Silverman was savoring his lox 
and bagels . 

Father Mulhaney asked, "Would you like to try a piece of bacon? 
Lots of people eat bacon, and it is very tasty. Why don't 
you try a piece?"

Rabbi Silverman replied, "You are quite right, my friend. 
I think I will try some bacon."
"When?" asked the priest.
"At your wedding, of course," responded the rabbi.

___________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thriftyfun.com
Storing Dry Dog Food
If you have a large dog, store dog food in a plastic garbage 
can or large tub. For smaller dogs, you can you use a small 
plastic tub or one of those decorative tins that popcorn 
comes in. Just empty the bag of dry food into the container 
and keep a scoop in it. 
Tip provided by 
Thriftyfun.com

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C
Stop Everything and Discover the World of 3D Cat Portraiture

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Today at work, the boss wanted to know when Father's Day
was. "Easy," I answered. "It's nine months before Mother's
Day."

___________________________________________________

While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor 
announced that their prison quartet would be singing the 
following evening. 

I wasn't aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked 
forward to hearing them.

The next evening, I was puzzled when four members of the 
church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them.
"This is our prison quartet," he said, "behind a few bars and 
always looking for the key." 

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.


>From Tom
My mother has a "lead foot," so I was not surprised when a
state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through
Georgia.

Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear
shocked when the trooper walked up to the car.

"I have never been stopped like this before," she said to
the officer.

"What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires
out?"

___________________________________________________



Today December 8 in
1765 Eli Whitney was born in Westboro, MA. Whitney invented the
cotton gin and developed the concept of mass-production of
interchangeable parts. Before him only plows were mass produced
with interchangeable parts.

1776 George Washington's retreating army in the American
Revolution crossed the Delaware River from New Jersey to
Pennsylvania. 

1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate
Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus, was free
of original sin from the moment she was conceived. 

1863 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln announced his plan for the
Reconstruction of the South. 

1863 Tom King of England defeated American John Heenan and became
the first world heavyweight champion. 

1886 At a convention of union leaders in Columbus, OH, the
American Federation of Labor was founded. 

1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared war
against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese attacked
Pearl Harbor. Canada declared war on Japan on the day of the
Pearl Harbor attack. 

1949 The Chinese Nationalist government moved from the Chinese
mainland to Formosa (Taiwan) due to Communists pressure. 

1952 On the show "I Love Lucy," a pregnancy was acknowledged in a
TV show for the first time. 

1953 Los Angeles became the third largest city in the United
States. 

1962 Workers of the International Typographical Union began
striking and closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike
lasted 114 days and ended April 1, 1963. 

1980 Zimbabwe’s manpower minister, Edgar Tekere, was found guilty
in the killing of a white farmer. He was freed under a law that
protected ministers acting to suppress terrorism. 

1982 Norman D. Mayer demanding an end to nuclear weapons held the
Washington Monument hostage. He threatened to blow it up with
explosives he claimed were inside a van. 10 hours later he was
shot to death by police. 

1984 In Roanoke, Virginia, a jury found Hustler magazine
publisher Larry Flynt innocent of libeling Reverend Jerry Falwell
with a parody advertisement. However Falwell was awarded $200,000
for emotional distress. 

1987 U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev
signed a treaty agreeing to destroy their nations' arsenals of
intermediate-range nuclear missiles. 

1987 The "intefadeh" (Arabic for uprising) by Palestinians in the
Israeli-occupied territories began. 

1989 Communist leaders in Czechoslovakia offered to surrender
their control over the government and accept a minority role in a
coalition Cabinet. 

1991 Russia, Byelorussia and Ukraine declared the Soviet national
government to be dead. They forged a new alliance to be known as
the Commonwealth of Independent States. The act was denounced by
Russian President Gorbachev as unconstitutional. 

1992 Americans got to see live television coverage of U.S. troops
landing on the beaches of Somalia during Operation Restore Hope.
(Due to the time difference, it was December 9 in Somalia.) 

1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the North American
Free Trade Agreement. 

1994 Bosnian Serbs released dozens of hostage peacekeepers, but
continued to detain about 300 others. 

1994 In Los Angeles, 12 alternate jurors were chosen for the O.J.
Simpson murder trial. 

1997 The second largest bank was created with the announcement
that Union Bank Switzerland and the Swiss Bank Corporation would
merge. The combined assets were more than $590 billion. 

1997 Jenny Shipley was sworn in as the first female prime
minister of New Zealand. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police could not search a
person or their cars after ticketing for a routine traffic
violation. 

1998 The FBI opened its files on Frank Sinatra to the public. The
file contained over 1,300 pages. 

1998 Nkem Chukwu and Iyke Louis Udobi's first of eight babies was
born. The other seven were delivered 12 days later.

1998 AT&T Corp. announced that it was buying IBM's data
networking business for $5 billion cash. 

1998 The first female ice hockey game in Olympic history was
played. Finland beat Sweden 6-0. 

1999 In Memphis, TN, a jury found that Rev. Martin Luther King
Jr. had been the victim of a vast murder conspiracy, not a lone
assassin. 

1999 Russia and Belarus agreed in principle to form an economic
and political confederation. 

2000 Mario Lemieux announced to the Pittsburgh Penguins that he
planned to return to the National Hockey League (NHL) as a player
at age 35. He would be the first modern owner-player in U.S. pro
sports. 

2018  smiled.






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