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Good Morning, !

Today is Monday, December 10

Have FUN!

Today's Bonehead Award: 
Fla. Man Stole Sneakers After Job 
Interview at Kohl's

Blondie jumping onto frozen lake 
Today, December 10 in
1520 Martin Luther publicly burned the papal edict. The papacy
demanded that he recant or face excommunication. Luther refused
and was formally expelled from the church in January 1521. 
More of today in history at History
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow. --- Plato ______________________________________________________ What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about? It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she was a kid. I want these stories to be preserved. You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions "bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi'," but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers, probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put them all together into one e-book. This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format, you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the CD with family pictures and other keepsakes, making it a true heirloom. I have produced a smaller version last year. This final edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the price down to the same $10. The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice Christmas gift! Click on the book cover to get your copy or click on Heirloom Christmas Book You can download it and give the file as a gift! ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for this story: A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made contact, "Connie....Connie." "Is that you, Joe?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's wonderful! What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud- lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again." "Oh, Joe you surely must be in Heaven!" "Not exactly... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona ." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: (As sent by her, from the hospital) Cookie, Upset over the recent death of her husband Bob, So she decided to just kill herself And join him in death. Thinking it would be best to get it Over with quickly, she took out Bob's old Army pistol and made the decision to Shoot herself in the heart since it was So badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location. "Since you're a woman ," the doctor said, "the easiest way to locate your heart is, it is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung up without answering Later that night, Cookie was admitted to the hospital With a gunshot wound to her left knee. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
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___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Heather Mapes, 43, Des Moines, Iowa Mom drove to school drop-off while drunk, nearly plowed into elementary students Police said a Des Moines mother drove to the school drop-off while drunk and nearly plowed into a group of elementary students. Heather Mapes, 43, is in jail Monday after police charged her with child endangerment. Police said Mapes was drunk, with slurred speech and watery eyes, as she swerved into the bus lane at Garton Elementary School and narrowly missed hitting a group of students. "(It is) probably one of the worst-case scenarios, when you think about it," said Des Moines police Sgt. Paul Parizek. Parizek said Mapes was dropping off her 5-year-old daughter when she hit the curb, and that the curb prevented her from hitting students getting off the bus. "It's really scary, because we've got not just her children involved, which is bad enough, but now you're putting the children of a lot of other families at risk when you show up at the school in that condition," he said. Jessica Bensley, whose 7-year-old daughter attends the school, said she is thankful her child is safe. "That's really scary that my daughter goes here and that could have been her," Bensley said. A bus driver, the principal and the dean of students at Garton Elementary intervened and wouldn't let Mapes leave the scene. According to a police report, Mapes told officers, "I didn't hit the kids." "There was a little bit of a dispute that began between Mapes and one of the staff members at the school where there might have been some pushing and shoving," Parizek said. "They called 911 (and) did the absolute right thing to keep the kids safe." School officials also reported that Mapes had her 5-year-old daughter in the front seat without a seat belt or a booster seat. Police reports said Mapes told school officials that she had taken prescription medications, but the school officials reported smelling alcohol. "She might need some help, you know, and I hope that she can be honest and say that, because there (are) other people's lives that are at factor and that she needs to be concerned about that," Bensley said. A spokesperson for Des Moines Public Schools said the district commends the principal, dean of students and bus driver for their quick response in making sure the incident did not turn out worse.
From: Bill Re: Internet Shortcuts not linking to browser Dear Webby, HI I HAVE PASTED INTERNET SHORT CUTS ONTO MY DESKTOP, BUT WHEN I CLICK ON THEM THEY GIVE A MESSAGE THAT I WILL HAVE TO CREATE A ASSOCIATION FOR THEM IN THE FOLDER OPTIONS. I HAVE TRIED THIS BUT I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG, CAN YOU HELP ? THANKS BILL Dear Bill Open a File Explorer, Click on Tools, Folder Options File Types In there scroll down to Internet Shortcut and make sure your chosen browser is associated with it. You might also want to try to just drag the little icon on the left of the browser address bar onto the desktop, instead of pasting anything. Dragging that icon to the desktop makes an instant Internet shortcut, that can even be used to open your chosen browser. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, Keli would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, Greg found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Greg," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry." replied Greg. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains."
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Wife: Oh, come on. Husband: Leave me alone! Wife: It won't take long. Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards. Wife: I can't sleep without it. Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night? Wife: Because I'm hot. Husband: You get hot at the darnedest times. Wife: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you. Husband: If you love me you'd be more considerate. Wife: You don't love me anymore. Husband: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight. Wife: (Sob-Sob) Husband: Alright, I'll do it. Wife: What's the matter? Need a flashlight? Husband: I can't find it. Wife: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it! Husband: There! Are you satisfied? Wife: Oh, yes, honey. Husband: Is it up far enough? Wife: Oh, that's fine. Husband: Now go to sleep and from now on, when you want the window open, open it before you go to bed. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Losing Weight A common New Year's Resolution is losing weight. Companies will sell you products that claim to help you lose weight, when accompanied with changes in diet and exercise. Rather than buying these products, start by developing a good exercise routine and a healthy diet first. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Hundreds of caves filled with thousands of centuries-old statues and murals In China.
___________________________________________________ "Hello?" Linda responded, answering the phone. "I bet you want me to come over to your house, take you into the bedroom, undress you, lick you from head to toe, and then make mad passionate love to you all night long," the male voice whispered sensuously. "Gee," she replied. "You think you could tell all that just from me saying 'hello' ? Well, you are wrong. But if you are good at cleaning toilets, come on down to the High School." ___________________________________________________ After meeting with the boss, the head salesperson mustered the troops. "People," she said, "I've just been informed that we're going to be having a fire sale." "A fire sale?" spoke up one agent. "But we sell insurance." "I said a fire sale, and I meant it," she replied coldly. "Anyone who doesn't make a sale gets fired." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A computer program crashed in the lawyer's office, so he called a programmer. The programmer arrived, unpacked his case, did mysterious programmer-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $600. The lawyer exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a lawyer!." The programmer quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a lawyer." ___________________________________________________

Today December 10 in
1520 Martin Luther publicly burned the papal edict. The papacy
demanded that he recant or face excommunication. Luther refused
and was formally expelled from the church in January 1521. 

1845 British civil engineer Robert Thompson patented the first
pneumatic tires. 

1851 American librarian Melvil Dewey was born. He created the
"Dewey Decimal Classification" system. 

1898 A treaty was signed in Paris that officially ended the
Spanish-American War. Also, Cuba became independent of Spain. 

1901 The first Nobel prizes were awarded. 

1906 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt became the first American
to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, for helping mediate an end
to the Russo-Japanese War. 

1941 Japan invaded the Philippines. 

1941 The Royal Naval battleships Prince of Wales and Repulse were
sunk by Japanese aircraft in the Battle of Malaya. 

1950 Dr. Ralph J. Bunche was presented the Nobel Peace Prize. He
was the first African-American to receive the award. Bunche was
awarded the prize for his efforts in mediation between Israel and
neighboring Arab states. 

1953 Hugh Hefner published the first "Playboy" magazine with an
investment of $7,600. 

1958 The first domestic passenger jet flight took place in the
U.S. when 111 passengers flew from New York to Miami on a
National Airlines Boeing 707. 

1964 In Oslo, Norway, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. received the
Nobel Peace Prize. He was the youngest person to receive the

1982 The Law of the Sea Convention was signed by 118 countries in
Montego Bay, Jamaica. 23 nations and the U.S. were excluded. 

1984 South African Bishop Desmond Tutu received the Nobel Peace

1990 The U.S. Food & Drug Administration approved Norplant, a
long-acting contraceptive implant. 

1992 Oregon Senator Bob Packwood apologized for what he called
"unwelcome and offensive" actions toward women. However, he
refused to resign. 

1993 The crew of the space shuttle Endeavor deployed the repaired
Hubble Space Telescope into Earth's orbit. 

1994 Advertising executive Thomas Mosser of North Caldwell, NJ,
was killed by a mail bomb that was blamed on the Unabomber. 

1994 Yasser Arafat, Shimon Peres and Yitzhak Rabin received the
Nobel Peace Prize. They pledged to pursue their mission of
healing the Middle East. 

1995 The first U.S. Marines arrived in the Bosnian capital of
Sarajevo to join NATO soldiers sent to enforce peace in the
former Yugoslavia. 

1996 South Africa's President Mandela signed into law a new
democratic constitution, completing the country's transition from
white-minority rule to a non-racial democracy. 

1998 Six astronauts opened the doors to the new international
space station 250 miles above the Earth's surface. 

1998 The Palestinian leadership scrapped constitutional clauses
that rejected Israel's existence. 

1999 After three years under suspicion of being a spy for China,
computer scientist Wen Ho Lee was arrested. He was charged with
removing secrets from the Los Alamos weapons lab. Lee later pled
guilty to one count of downloading restricted data to tape and
was freed. The other 58 counts were dropped. 

2003 The U.S. barred firms based in certain countries, opponents
of the Iraq war, from bidding on Iraqi reconstruction projects.
The ban did not prevent companies from winning subcontracts. 

2007 Cristina Fernandez was sworn in as Argentina's first elected
female president. 

2018  smiled.

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