Dear Webby: How to send pictures 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  January 31, 2007
======================================

You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.
--- Michael Jordan

Shoot for the moon.
Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
--- Les Brown

=======================================

An American tourist travelling in Limerick came across a little
antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a
mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick.

Included in the price was a certificate of the skull's
authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself.

Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the
antique shop owner if he had any more bargains.

"I've got the very thing for you," said the Irishman. "It's the
genuine skull of Saint Patrick".

"You swindler," said the American. "You sold me that ten
years ago," and, producing the skull, added, "Look, they're not
even the same size".

"You have it all wrong," said the Irishman. "This is the skull of
Saint Patrick when he was a lad".

======================================

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"What's the matter?" Bill asked.

"I don't' get it," Bob sighed. "The dating scene is so confusing.
There are so many damn people you have to please.

"Like this one woman,  she liked me, her mom liked me, but
her father hated me.

"Then there was this other woman, both of her parents really
liked me, but SHE didn't like me.

"And then there was this woman I met last night.  She
absolutely loved me, her parents seemed to really like me
too, BUT her husband couldn't stand me!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the wife of a United Manchester soccer fan Cruel Gift January 23, 2007 - Manchester, UK - The Sun A Utd fan's wife gave her hubby a £550 season ticket - four months after the Premiership kicked off. She bought it last year but didn't hand it to him until his 40th birthday earlier this month, reports the Sun. Her blunder meant the fan missed 11 games. To make matters worse, she also bought her son a junior ticket. A United supporter who sits near the man at Old Trafford said: "A few of us noticed the seats were empty. "His wife mustn't know much about football. He must be gutted." ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Arturas for this picture: Lithuanian Real Estate: The Handyman Special ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Jon and George, both farmers, met at the state fair. "Tell me," asked Jon, "what did you give your mule when he had the colic?" "Turpentine," George answered. A few months after the fair, they meet up again. "Say, George, WHAT did you say you gave your mule when he was sick with colic?" Jon asked. "I said I gave him turpentine." "Well, I gave turpentine to MINE and it died!" George nods his head. "That's strange. So did mine." =========================================== An English parachutist and an Irish parachutist were arguing about who was best at folding a parachute. Unable to resolve their dispute on the ground, they decided to go up in a plane and judge by the mid-air performance of their parachutes. The Irishman jumped first, pulled his cord, and started floating down towards the earth. Then the Englishman jumped, pulled his cord and nothing happened; he pulled his safety cord - nothing. In a matter of seconds he whizzed past the Irishman, plummeting like a stone. "Oh," shouted the Irishman, yanking off his harness, "so ya wanna race, do ya?!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Julie Re: How to send pictures Dear Webby, How do you get pictures to post in your humor letter? I have noticed that sometimes they are from subscribers. What would I need to do? Thanks, Julie. Dear Julie Just attach or embed the pictures in email. A lot safer than putting them under your pillow for a late-night pick-up. That would just get your hubby upset. To embed a picture, copy it in your graphics program, and paste it into the email. To attach it, find the icon in your email program for attaching files, click on it and then browse to where you got that picture saved. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 26, 2007 - Beaufort, North Carolina - AP Rescue workers have freed a rare whale caught up in fishing line in Onslow Bay. Part of the line remains stuck in the animal's mouth, but workers said the North Atlantic right whale can eat and seemed safe from serious harm. ''We felt we did the best we could with this animal,'' said Greg Krutzikowsky of the Provincetown Center for Coastal Studies, part of a multistate consortium trying to save right whales. ''We have no clue when we'll have our next opportunity. It is the middle of winter.'' The young whale, estimated at 2 or 3 years old, was first seen in September in Canada's Bay of Fundy, where many right whales spend summers. Fishing line was caught in its mouth, knotted behind its blow hole and stretching about 40 feet behind it. Marine biologists didn't see any sign of the whale again until Jan. 15, when it was spotted off the coast of Georgia near calving grounds where the whales winter. Workers with ropes and a buoy attached a global positioning system to the whale that allowed officials to track the animal after it fled. A whale specialist with the Provincetown Center used satellite transmissions to predict the whale would arrive in Onslow Bay off the North Carolina coast this week. It was found Wednesday about 4 miles offshore from Camp Lejeune. Crews from Duke University, the University of North Carolina at Wilmington, and elsewhere, took part in the rescue. The whale tried to evade them, but workers in an inflatable boat got close enough to cut some ropes with a hook knife on a long pole. Repeated tries to cut the line near the mouth failed. Officials aren't sure whether the animal was male or female. North Atlantic right whales are among the most endangered large whales on the planet, with fewer than 400 surviving after being hunted nearly to extinction.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Moving Large Planters Large planters can be very difficult to move. Since most planters are wider on top than on the bottom, they can be difficult to move with a hand truck. If you have an old skateboard lying around, try moving the planters with it. If you don't have one you can probably find one at your local thrift store. They work well for moving other heavy objects as well.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The other day in the old Joke A Day Trivia Chat Room I happened to be watching two folks play the game, when this question came up: "In what club are all the members liars?" Both players, almost simultaneously, answered, "Congress." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled her in Catholic school in the hopes to improve her math grades. During the first marking period, her mother noticed a dramatic improvement in her math studies. The girl would refuse playing with friends and eating dessert after dinner in order to study more. On report card day, her mother was astonished to see that her daughter got an A+ in math. She asked her daughter, "Why the sudden change of attitude about math -- do the nuns punish you?" The girl replied, "No, but when I saw the little man on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school is very serious about math!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Weather Folklore http://snipurl.com/18uv0
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: getting rid of Limewire 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  January 30, 2007
======================================

People of mediocre ability sometimes achieve outstanding
success because they don't know when to quit.
Most people succeed because they are determined to."
--- George E. Allen
=======================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks.
"I've somethin' to tell ya"..
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim.
But where's me husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus
is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim.
"How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat
of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim.
Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact,
he got out three times to pee."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A professor at the University of Kentucky is giving a
lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his
audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in
ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who
believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen
a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. Has anyone here ever talked to a
ghost?" 15 students raise their hands.

"That's great. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3
students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question
further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One student way in the back raises his hand.

The professor is astonished and says, "Son, all the
years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever
claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come
up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and
begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor
says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a
ghost."

The student replies, "Ghost?!? From way back there I
thought you said "goats."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Halifax Bank of Scotland in Aberdeen, Scotland Data Leak January 29, 2007 - Aberdeen, UK - The Mirror A woman who asked for her bank statement was sent financial details of 75,000 other customers too. Stephanie McLaughlan, 22, recieved five packages from Halifax Bank of Scotland, each containing 500 sheets crammed with confidential information. Each page details 30 customers' names, their account and sort code numbers and how much they have paid in and out. According to the Mirror, Stephanie from Aberdeen said: "I did not expect them to be so lax with security as to be sending out private and confidential information of so many of their customers. "In the wrong hands these documents would allow criminals to run amok through people's personal and financial lives." The bank has apologised and is launching an immediate inquiry. ----------------------------- 2500 sheets, that's half a bushel box of paper. Wonder who got the other half? ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to AP for this picture of global warming: ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw his crutches down the stairs. An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle!" the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?" "Uh, he's over there by the holy water, sprawled on the floor, and cussing up a real storm." =========================================== This is a classic joke from the days when computers did not have monitors yet. The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line, at which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This", he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it." A smartass who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and asked, "Where is my father?" There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task. Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the printer printed out a piece of paper: "Fishing off Florida." The smartass laughed, "Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question." The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps a rewording of the question might work better. The smartass said to the Ultimate Computer, "Where is my mother's husband?" Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the room. After a moment, the printer whirred to life. The paper said: "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Judy Re: Getting rid of Limewire Dear Webby, Re/Limewire - my grandson (15years old) was using my computer and I found he'd downloaded Limewire onto it and was insisting it was 'free' downloads. And tho we've not been charged 'money' for this, I've tried everything I can think of to get it off my computer and it still pops up onto the screen when I turn it on!! Been about 6 months now, have gotten rid most of it but, that one screen is still there no matter what I do!! Please stress this to everyone as I'd hate to see anyone else in this predicament! In the meantime I've promised to break both his arms off if he so much as looks at my computer again!! I hope that person listens to you and dosen't get into the same predicament!! And by the way, I thank you for getting the word out on 'junk' like this, if I'd seen what he was going to do before he did it, it wouldn't be on my machine because I've read and listened to you about stuff like this before! My personal addage is 'if I didn't pay for it, it won't be on my computer'.... Thanks again Webby! and people - LISTEN to this man!! He KNOWS!! Judy Dear Judy Even though you deleted the files needed for downloading music from other people's computers, Limewire stil opens a back door for everybody to come in and grab copies of the music that you paid for elsewhere. I searched the forums about that and found this: __________________ Well to begin with you said you deleted the file. When you delete the file it does not uninstall LimeWire it just deletes a portion of it. You will have to reinstall it and then go to Add / Remove Software, and uninstall it. 2nd. I have a felling you may have deleted it because it kept starting up by itself all of the time . If this is the case you probably downloaded and opened a file 851.7kb in size which you found nothing in. Guess what! If that is what happened, there was something inside a virus that makes LimeWire start up by itself and creates 1000's of copies of itself. If that is what happened the link below will help. If you can't get rid of it your self, there is a link to Norbie's world in the link below, He will be able to help you get rid of it. And by the way this virus disables most anti virus apps, so they will not detect it. And even if they do, a lot of them can not get rid of it. http://www.gnutellaforums.com/showthread.php?t=41432 ________________ Tell me if that works. If not, I'll dig deeper. However, the guy who posted that in the forum seems to know what he is talking about. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 26, 2007 - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - PR Newswire United Way of Southeastern Pennsylvania and 135 other Philadelphia area businesses and organizations celebrated Shadowing Day on Wednesday by welcoming 1,552 ninth grade students from Philadelphia public schools into their workplaces to give them firsthand exposure to the world of work. Each student participant is paired with an employee host to see how an individual in a particular career spends the workday. Shadowing Day also serves to ignite corporate interest in creating ongoing work-based mentoring opportunities for youth.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Soap Scum If you use liquid soap in your bath and shower instead of bar you will not have as much soap scum. The paraffin in the solid soap helps cause the scum buildup. By Carol If you have hard mineralized soap residue from hard water, like the great water that we have here, with more minerals and metals in it than a bottle of concentrated mineral supplements for city slickers, and if your tub has real enamel, then you can use Watkins toilet bow cleaner to get rid of the residue effortlesly. Let the tub dry thoroughly first. Watkins toilet bowl cleaner is almost pure hydrocloric acid, and it literally vaporizes mineralized soap residue. Make sure you have a window open, otherwise it can develop an unpleasant and iritating odor as it vaporizes the stuff. Squirt the cleaner onto the affected areas and after a few minutes, come back and rinse with the shower wand. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
*Sixteen Steps to Build a Campfire* 1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left thumb. 3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments 4. Bandage left foot. 5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand) 6. Light Match 7. Light Match 8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match. 9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire. 10. Apply burn ointment to nose. 11. When fire is burning, collect more wood. 12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene." 13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns. 14. Relabel can to read "gasoline." 15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood. 16. When thunderstorm has passed, repeat steps. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Man to Ticket Agent: I want to buy a bus ticket for Norwald. Ticket Agent, Searching Book: Norwald? Let me find that. Hmm... never heard of it. Let me see... Norwald. I don't see Norwald listed, and I can't find it on the map. Just where is Norwald, anyway? Man: Over there. He's my brother-in-law. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Red Green Glass http://tinyurl.com/24kpp4 Hit the NEXT for more pictures
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Limewire 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  January 29, 2007
======================================

First secure an independent income, then practice virtue.
--- Greek Proverb

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
--- Evan Esar

=======================================

Thanks to Rubye for this story:

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river,
Her thimble fell into the river.  When she cried out, the Lord appeared
And asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and
That she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their
Family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble
Set with pearls.  "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked

The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river.  He held out a silver thimble
Ringed with sapphires.  "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.  "Is
This your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes.

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three
Thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the
Riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under
The
Water.When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why
Are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river.

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.
"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious.  "You lied!  That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord it is a
Misunderstanding.  You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you
Would have come up with Brad Pitt.  Then if I said 'no' to him, you
Would have come up with my husband.  Had I then said 'yes,' you would
Have given me all three.  Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would
Not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said
'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and
honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional,
illogical liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an
unscrupulous liberal press, which holds forth the proposition
that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

(This definition has been attributed to students at Texas A&M
University. Just so you will know that Aggies know how to do
more than build bonfires.)

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Hilldreth the Fourth of Fayetteville, North Carolina January 26, 2007 - Belleair, Florida - AP Pinellas County authorities said a man who stripped naked to elude police is behind bars. According to the sheriff's office, Charles Hilldreth the Fourth of Fayetteville, North Carolina tried to rob a man, then stripped naked and jumped into the Intercoastal Waterway. During Thursday's chase, authorities said Hilldreth bit one of the deputies on the chest. He was later subdued and taken to the hospital and then to jail. Belleair Beach police charged Hilldreth with one count each of strong-arm robbery and resisting arrest without violence. Pinellas Sheriff's Deputies also charged him with one count of battery on a law enforcement officer and two counts of resisting arrest with violence. Hildreth is being held in the Pinellas County Jail on bond. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Gobal warming? ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A sweet young lady visiting Brooklyn's Zoo in Prospect Park asked the keeper where the monkeys were. Keeper: "They're in the back, making love." Young lady: "Would they come out for some peanuts?" Keeper: "Would you? =========================================== Thanks to Obie Alexander for this story: I know you old salts will remember the old days of wooden ships and Iron men, and signalmen. The aircraft carrier U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln was finally inching up to the pier at Pearl Harbor when the Captain of the ship noticed a sailor on the flight deck gesturing wildly with semaphore flags. He then noticed an attractive young woman standing on top of a station wagon, also waving semaphore flags. Always concerned about security and never having seen something like this, the Captain barked at his Bridge Signalman, "What message are those two people sending?" The Signalman concentrated intently and soon reported, "Sir, he is sending FOXTROT-FOXTROT and she is sending ECHO -FOXTROT." Not having any clue as to what these messages could mean, the Captain dispatched an armed Marine to escort the sailor back to the Bridge. The sailor arrived, out of breath from running up the many ladders to the bridge, and saluted smartly. "Seaman Endicott reporting as ordered, sir!" "Seaman", shouted the Captain, "Who is that woman on the pier and why are you exchanging signals FF and EF?" "Sir, that's my wife, Sir, and she wants to eat first!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pris Re: Limewire Dear Webby, Is it legal to download free music from Limewire? Dear Pris They are still fighting about that. The record companies claim you are ripping tthem off, and the artist claim you will get bad karma and grow hair in your ears. However, as the law stands now, as long as you are not selling your not paid for downloads, they won't sue you. That can of course change any day. You will have to occasionally check on the legal situation. What is more worrysome is that with Limewire you are downloading stuff from random strangers, not from any site that has any responsibility to be virus free. If the nearest computer, that has the piece of music that you want, belongs to some bozo down the street, who has a collection of 5000 viruses and trojans, you might get more than just music. At the same time, you are opening your computer to any other Limewire user to come and get music from you. If you are using your computer for actual work, not just for listening to music, you will notice programs slowing down and occasionally stalling. You canI buy music from Musicmatch.com for 99 cents per track. Totally legal and guaranteed clean and complete, and you don't have to buy tracks that you don't want. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 26, 2007 - Washington - AP About 100 homeless people were guests of the mayor's office Thursday for a screening of ''The Pursuit of Happyness,'' the real-life story of a homeless man who worked his way to becoming a millionaire. The crowd of mostly homeless adults and elderly people groaned at some of the familiar difficulties faced by Will Smith's character, Chris Gardner, and clapped at his triumphs. When Gardner, who gets evicted along with his young son, is finally offered the stockbroker job he painfully strove for, the audience burst into applause and wiped away tears. ''Everybody here not only has a story, but they have gifts and skills,'' said Arafa Speaks, a 52-year-old homeless woman and advocate who brought the idea to Mayor Adrian M. Fenty's administration last month. The crowd was smiling as they came out of the screening at the theater that had donated the time and space. Last month, the mayor of Chattanooga, Tenn., invited 15 homeless guests to see the movie and at the time Gardner told The Associated Press that he wants homeless viewers to ''take one thing away from those two hours: Chris Gardner isn't doing anything I can't do.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Breaking in a Baseball Glove The best way to break in a baseball glove is to use it, but here's a way to speed up the process. The goal of breaking it in is to create a nice pocket for the ball and soften the leather. Apply a dab of shaving cream to the center of the glove and then put a baseball in the pocket. Secure the glove closed by tying a shoelace around the glove and put it between your mattresses overnight.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Thanks to Linda for this story: My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often he turns to me for advice. Recently, I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily for lunch?" "That's up to you," I replied. "There's all kinds of food. Why don't you pretend I'm not at home?" A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to hear my husband asking, "Yeah, hi, Honey. Uh..what should I feed Lily for lunch?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Albinos http://tinyurl.com/2ersfq
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Bad Floppy 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  January 28, 2007
======================================

Whatever you choose to believe,
will be the concept that runs your mind."
--- Joe Vitale

Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?
--- James Thurber

=======================================

Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were
sitting together in church.  Joel giggled, sang, and talked out
loud.  Finally, his big sister had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed
at Joel.

"Why?  Who's going to stop me?"  Joel shot back.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those
two big men standing by the door?"

Joel nodded.

"They're hushers."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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===========================================

Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first
boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad
owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied:
"That's nothin'. My dad owns hell."

"No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?"

"Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my
grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Covington, Louisiana teen Too much rear cleavage January 25, 2007 - Covington, Louisiana - AP Police said they caught a 16-year-old robbery suspect who had eluded authorities on several previous occasions when his baggy pants fell down, causing him to stumble as officers chased him. "We literally caught him with his pants down," Lt. Jack West of Covington police said. Suspected of robbing a man at gunpoint and stealing another man's car after beating him with a brick, the teenager had run away from police several times in recent weeks, West said. An officer spotted the teen standing on a street corner Monday, called in for two backup officers, then tried to make an arrest. "They all converged on him from different directions," West said. "He started to run, but his low-riding pants fell down and he stumbled to his knees." The suspect, whose name was not released because he is a juvenile, was booked on warrants for armed robbery, carjacking, two counts of aggravated battery and being a child in need of supervision. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Bet she could not do that when-sober! ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room. "No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there." =========================================== The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Louis Re: Retrieving data from floppy Dear Webby, question: how can I retrieve information from floppy disk without having the computer asking me if I want to format the diskette first. I do not want to lose items. I have a windows xp and I have an external usb port drive for my diskettes. any help would be greatly appreciated. and I have voted once again for your great site once again. keep them coming. Louis Dear Louis If Windows can read other floppies but with that one asks you to format the disk, then it can't read it. Has the disk been used on a Mac? Mac's format disks to their standard without asking you first. Try reading the disk on somebody else's computer, or at the library. If you can read it there, upload the contents to the web. If you don't have a site, just get a geocities freebie site. Yes, I know they are a nuisance. But it's good enough for holding your files untill you get home and can download them and copy them onto a fresh disk. Sooner or later all floppies die. The sooner you rescue the contents, the better your chances of getting all of them. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos August 26, 2006 - Northern California - BBC A 65-year-old Californian woman has saved the life of her husband, 70, by fighting off an attacking mountain lion with a small log and his pen. Jim and Nell Hamm were walking in the Prairie Creek Redwoods State Park when the cougar wrestled Jim to the ground. Nell started hitting the animal with the log but it kept hold of Jim's head. She then tried to stick the pen in its eye. The cougar eventually let go. Mr. Hamm is in fair condition after having his lips stitched back together. He also suffered scalp lacerations and puncture wounds. "She saved his life, there's no doubt," said Steve Martarano, spokesman for the Department of Fish and Game.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Aphid Repellent Plants You can help prevent aphid infestations on your vegetables by interplanting them with plants that repel aphids. Some examples are anise, chives, coriander, garlic, onions, petunias and radish. Another trick is lay some aluminum foil around the base of a plant, the reflection will help deter the aphids.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Closing sermon words A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closching schong, let ussch sching Hymn # 365: "Schall We Gather at the River." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== The very first sex education classes were in the 50's. Naturally, some of the teachers were embarrassed and used only very carefully chosen words. In one class, the teacher was explaining the anatomy of the male genitalia. He said, "The human male testicles are about the size of Plover's eggs." A female voice from the back quipped, "Hey... Neat !!! I've always wondered how big Plover's eggs were." ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Update for moving 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  January 26, 2007
======================================

Whatever you're working on, take small bites.
The task will not be overwhelming if you can reduce it
to its smallest component."
--- Richard Russo

Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence,
is the quality that most frequently makes for success.
--- Dale Carnegie

=======================================

I had just moved from an apartment to a house in the same
small town. One day at the grocery store, I used the last
of my personalized checks bearing my old address. The
cashier examined the document and asked if everything on
it was correct. I assured her that it was, and she started
to put the check in the cash drawer. But then she inquired
again if everything was accurate.

"Why do you ask?" I responded.

"Because," she replied, "my husband and I moved to this
address last week."
Then she paused while she kicked the 911 floor button a
few times, and then continued: "and I don't remember
seeing you at breakfast."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Diplomat: A man who can convince his wife she would look fat
in a fur coat.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lucia di Matta, 46, Turin, Italy Fussy Crook January 25, 2007 - Turin, Italy - Ananova An Italian burglar was caught after failing to steal a digital camera which she had used to take a picture of herself. Lucia di Matta, 46, took jewelry and other valuables from a flat in Turin, but left the camera with her picture on it after she decided it was old and not worth stealing. An Italian police spokesman said: "She put it down on a table without realising that she had accidentally taken her own picture with it." Police identified her after the owner of the flat came back to find the money and jewellery missing but the extra picture on his digital camera. The woman was given a suspended sentence and ordered to return the money and valuables to her victim. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Mr. Allen, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, "Miss Hunter, get my broker!" The client was impressed until he heard the secretary's clear voice saying, "Yes, sir, stock or pawn!" =========================================== As paramedics, my partner and I were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. We decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going, I questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, I asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?" He slowly looked up at me, then gazed out the ambulance window. "Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 50, maybe 55." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: Moving Dear Webby, My question and PLEASE don't laugh because I never did this before and I don't know how. This is my very first computer. I have things on here, by checking acct., bills I pay online, other web sites, stored things like recipes etc., How do I go about changing addresses on all of them if I have to move and once moved will my computer still have all the info once plugged back in? Seriously Webby, I DO NOT know that's why I'm asking you. You never steered me wrong before. Thank You. Chris Dear Chris It depends on how far you are going to move. If you move to the moon, then your address will change from gmail to gmoon. There is also gmars, gvenus, and gheaven. There is no ghell. If you go to hell, you'll have to use AOL. However, if you stay on earth, then your gmail email address won't change. If you use the same ISP at the new place, for example earthlink, then all you change is the dial-up number to the number of that town. Everything else will stay the same. You can change the default shipping address at DELL, Victoria's Secret, and wherever you shop, when you place a new order. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 24, 2007 - Mount Laurel, Pennsylvania - AP Talk about interfaith cooperation. On Tuesday, Methodist Rev. Karen Onesti and Reform Rabbi Andrew Bossov underwent surgery to transplant one of Onesti's kidneys into Bossov's body. Both are leaders of congregations in the Philadelphia suburb of Mount Laurel. The surgery was performed at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia. A hospital spokesman said the 3½-hour surgery went well. Both patients were awake Wednesday night and speaking with their families. Onesti and Bossov have known each other for about four years.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Roadside Assistance A lot of people pay for roadside assistance but don't have the numbers handy. Check to make sure you have numbers to call in your wallet or purse and program them into your cell phone. It's much better to make the call yourself rather than have the police arrange towing for your vehicle. Check out your local AAA (or CMA) ! You get road side assistance for the cost of a magazine subscription, AND you get their very nice magazine! You also get their foil sticker to put onto your bumper or window. The foil sticker not only tells them from the distance that you are a member, it also has their 1-800 and your membership number on it. If you are concerned that people will think you are worried about your klunker making it home, when they see the AAA sticker, keep it in the glove box until needed or stick it to the sun visor. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Maturity means being emotionally and mentally healthy. It is that time when you know when to say yes and when to say no, and when to say WHOOPEE! ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== "Look at ME!!" boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat and firm stomach, having just finished 100 sit-ups before a group of young people. "Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why?? I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after loose women!!" He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes aglitter, "And tomorrow, YAHOO, I'm going to celebrate my *95th* birthday!!!" "Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers, "How? With an extra bran muffin?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Popular Myths in Science http://tinyurl.com/398w4o
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Master, Slave setting 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  January 25, 2007
======================================

I believe one of the most important priorities is to do
whatever we do as well as we can.
--- Victor Kermit Kiam

=======================================

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication
you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady
replied, "I'm wondering, then just how serious is my
condition, because this prescription is marked
'NO REFILLS."

======================================

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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===========================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:
A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's
house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked
to see her daughter-in-law in the kitchen, totally naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled
the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work, " the
daughter-in-law answered

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"My husband loves me to wear this dress, " she explained.

"It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this
dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for
hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed,
showered and put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights,
put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her
husband to arrive home from work.

Finally her husband came home, dirty, sweaty and grouchy
as usual. He walked in and saw her laying there so
provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress, " she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing, " he said. "What's for dinner?"

His funeral will be held Tuesday.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julie and Gerry Kulesza from Boston Parents fail to control a 3 year old ORLANDO, Fla. (Jan. 23) - AirTran Airways on Tuesday defended its decision to remove a Massachusetts couple from a flight after their crying 3-year-old daughter refused to take her seat before takeoff. AirTran officials said they followed Federal Aviation Administration rules that children age 2 and above must have their own seat and be wearing a seat belt upon takeoff. "The flight was already delayed 15 minutes and in fairness to the other 112 passengers on the plane, the crew made an operational decision to remove the family," AirTran spokeswoman Judy Graham-Weaver said. Julie and Gerry Kulesza, who were headed home to Boston on Jan. 14 from Fort Myers, said they just needed a little more time to calm their daughter, Elly. "We weren't given an opportunity to hold her, console her or anything," Julie Kulesza said in a telephone interview Tuesday. The Kuleszas said they told a flight attendant they had paid for their daughter's seat, but asked whether she could sit in her mother's lap. The request was denied. She was removed because "she was climbing under the seat and hitting the parents and wouldn't get in her seat", Graham-Weaver said. The Orlando-based carrier reimbursed the family $595.80, the cost of the three tickets, and the Kuleszas flew home the next day. They also were offered three roundtrip tickets anywhere the airline flies, Graham-Weaver said. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Bill and Shirley for this picture: Saskatchewan Sled ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife!" =========================================== The building contractor proudly pointed to the nearly completed residence. "Lady, this house may seem a little shaky right now, but you just wait until we put up the wallpaper." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ricky Re: Slave setting Dear Webby, How do I change a master hard drive to a slave? I have a couple older hard drives that I would like to be able to add to my com. There is one particular drive that I got out of a computer from freecycle.org, lets call that drive I, always starts when I turn on the computer. I end up running on "Windows 95" I dont' want that. I want to run my current drive, C, and be able to access I as a seperate drive. You see, drive I has a lot of music on it and I just want to be able to access it like I do any of my other spare drives.... Thanks Webby -Ricky Dear Ricky On really old drives the jumpers for that are on the circuit board, on newer ones they are between the ribbon cable and the power plug-in. If you look close, you'll see one or two miniature Lego blocks. Those are the jumpers. Now, if you look at the label side of the drive, there is a small diagram showing you how to set the jumper to tell it to be a Master drive, Slave drive or RAID drive. If you use dual drive flat ribbon cables you can run four drives internally (if you give up on the CD player and CD burner). Externally, with USB-2 drive enclosures you can run another two drives. USB drives also have to be set as Slaves. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 22, 2007 - Vancouver, British Columbia - AP Canada announced Sunday it will spend $25 million to protect one of the largest intact temperate rainforests left in the world. The Great Bear Rainforest, a 16-million-acre preserve that stretches 250 miles along British Columbia's rugged Pacific coastline, is teeming with grizzly bears, wolves and wild salmon and is the ancestral home of many native tribes. Last February, British Columbia Premier Gordon Campbell said the province would protect close to one-third of the region from all logging and would require sustainable logging practices in the rest. The latest funds, announced by Environment Minister John Baird, are in addition to the $51 million that private organizations and philanthropic groups committed to the rainforest. Temperate rain forests are coniferous or broadleaf forests that occur in the mid-latitudes in areas of high rainfall.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Surge Protector or Just a Power Strip It's a good idea to plug your computer into a power strip that has a surge protector in it. Not all power strips have this feature. If your power strip doesn't state that it has a surge protector it probably does not and you should upgrade to help protect your expensive electronics. Powerstrip surge protectors come in various grades. The under $10 type is good enough for power tools, but offers very little protection for delicate electronics. The component in a powerstrip that absorbs minor surges is so fanatically loyal that it suicides trying to protect the stuff plugged into it. It can only suicide once. To show you that it can not do that again, the little light will flicker or not stay on steadily. So, if you see the light on your surge protector flicker, it has become a hand-me-down to the work shop or garage. It will still be a much appreciated power strip there. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
There was a king in Africa who had a close friend that he grew up with. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!" One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail. About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied him to a stake surrounded by wood. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king had but one thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. They untied the king and sent him away. As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt so very badly about his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right" he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this." "No," his friend replied, "this is good!" "What do you mean, 'this is good'! How could it be good that I sent you, my good friend, to jail for all this time?" "If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you - and eaten! ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Early in the semester, a student stops by during the professor's office hours. He bids her enter. She glances up and down the hall, steps in, closes the door and says, "I would do anything to pass this class." She steps closer to his desk, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean," she whispers, "I would do...anything." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" "Anything," she replies. The professor's voice drops to a whisper and he says, "Would you...study?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Park Remark http://www.parkremark.com/category/3
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Hard Drive recommendation 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  January 24, 2007
======================================

Obstacles don't have to stop you.
If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
--- Michael Jordan

Don't live down to expectations.
Go out there and do something remarkable.
--- Wendy Wasserstein

=======================================

Thanks to Allen for this story:

I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana,
it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed
twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft,
I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight
attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights
went out. Clearly she'd solved the problem by turning off the lights.

A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned
over and said,
"Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Sorry about accidentally pasting the quote into this joke yesterday.
Here it is the way it should have been:

Crazy Abe, the used-car dealer, was out to break all sales records
with his "like new" models. A large sign in his window announced:
"A Blonde for a day Free With Each Car."

A delighted young wolf plunked down his cash and, hot with
anticipation, drove his newly won blonde out into the country.
He parked, gave her a couple of preliminary kisses, and
whispered a suggestion in her ear

She shook her head, smiled, and said:
"You got that when you bought this car."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Faisal Khetani, West Allis (Milwaukee), Wisconsin. Sheethead needs an IRS audit An American GI assigned to one of the harshest posts in Iraq had a simple request last week for a Wisconsin mattress company: Do you sell floor mats to help ease the hardship of sleeping on the cold, bug-infested ground. What he got, instead, was a swift kick from the company's Web site, which not only refused the request but added insult to injury with the admonition, "If you were sensible, you and your troops would pull out of Iraq." Army Sgt. Jason Hess, stationed in Taji, Iraq, with the 1st Cavalry Division, said he emailed his request to Discount-mats.com because he and his fellow soldiers sleep on the cold ground, which contains sand mites, sand flies and other disease carriers. In his email, dated Jan. 16, 2007, he asked the Web-based company, registered to Faisal Khetani, an Muslim of Pakistani descent: "Do you ship to APO (military) addresses? I'm in the 1st Cavalry Division stationed in Iraq and we are trying to order some mats but we are looking for ships to APO first. SGT Hess" On the same day, Hess received this reply: "We do not ship to APO addresses, and even if we did, we would NEVER ship to Iraq. If you were sensible, you and your troops would pull out of Iraq. Bargain Suppliers Discount-Mats.com" After the story hit the news, Faisal Khetani claimed that it was not him who wrote that email, and that the person who did, is not working for his home based business any more. --------------------------------- Faisal Khetanis web site, http://discount-mats.com appears to have been disabled, and probably not because of a lot of orders: Discount-Mats.com is Experiencing Technical Difficulties... If you want to contact Khetani about this matter, here is the info: Khetani, Faisal sportsfitness@gmail.com 3259 S.106th Street West Allis, Wisconsin 53227 United States (414) 543-9634 No matter how you feel about the war, whether it is bad because it was ordered by a Republican President instead of a Democrat getting the credit for it, or whether the problems with Iraq should be taken care of by social workers instead of soldiers, or whatever, soldiers who daily risk their lives to protect your freedom, should not be treated like that by a muslim merchant enjoying the benefits of living in the US. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: These animals were photographed just north of the Wisconsin border on a highway near Marenisco, MI I wonder if they are relatives of the white moose from Drayton valley here in Alberta, which I featured in the March 20/06 Humor Letter: ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
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=========================================== In the mood for joking, a vacationer strolled over to a farmer working in a field and asked, "Did you happen to see a wagonload of monkeys go by?" "Nope," replied the farmer. "Did you fall off?" =========================================== "Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny "can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not." "If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop." His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? What did he say?" "He said, 'Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks before the weekend.' " ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Randy Re: Hard drive source Dear Webby, I came into a bit of money and want to use it to add a second hard drive to each of the five residents lounge computers at our old folks and extended care home. The computers are about three years old and use IDE drives. I can go as high as $120 per drive. What is the best deal I can get for that? Randy Dear Randy That is very noble of you! Dalco.com has Western Digital WD3200JB 320 MB drives, nice and fast 7200RPM with 8 MB buffer, for $114 I have bought drives from Dalco before, and they always shipped on the same day and I never had any problem with them. I can highly recommend them. Dalco.com 1 800 445 5342 If you call them, make sure you specify IDE drives for those machines. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 23, 2007 - Shandong Province, China - Ananova A thief has returned a mobile phone to his victim in China after she sent him 21 'emotional' text messages. Pan Aiying, was riding her bicycle when a motorcycle rider snatched her bag containing her mobile phone, bank cards and about £300 in cash. The schoolteacher, from Qihe in Shandong Province, decided to try to persuade the thief to return her belongings, instead of going to the police. China Daily, quoting the Qilu Evening News, says she wrote: "You must be going through a difficult time. If so, I will not blame you. "Keep the money if you really need it, but please return the other things to me. You are still young. To err is human. Correcting your mistake is more important than anything." The following morning Pan found her bag in the courtyard of her home and found nothing had been taken. The thief left a letter with the bag, saying: "Dear Pan: I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Please forgive me. You are so tolerant even though I stole from you. I'll correct my ways and be an upright person."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tax Write Offs for Home Businesses If you work from home, be sure to take advantage of any tax deductions that are available to you. For example, if you set up an office in your home that is only used for business purposes, you can write of the space on your tax return. The IRS has information for business owners at http://www.irs.gov/.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Good, what are we having for breakfast," said the new husband. "Toast and juice," she replied. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== One of the burdens of office of the small town mayor was his brother in-law, a fellow who liked to throw his or, rather, his in-law's political weight around. The mayor had instructed his policemen and other city officials to treat him just like they would any other taxpayer. The brother-in-law got a ticket for overtime parking. He im- mediately descended in fury on police headquarters, waving the ticket and sputtering, "Hey, do you know who I am?" The desk sergeant surveyed him calmly, picked up his telephone and dialed the mayor's office. "Tell the mayor," he said to the secretary, "that his brother-in-law is down here and can't remember his name." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: creative photos by Chema Madoz http://tinyurl.com/nnaa7
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Dogfood Diet 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  January 23, 2007
======================================

Marriage is like a cage;
one sees the birds outside desperate to get in,
and those inside desperate to get out.
--- Montaigne

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche

=======================================

Laura is driving down the highway with her hand stuck out
the window and waving in every direction.  The police officer
that is following behind her finally has had enough and hits
the lights and signals Laura to pull over.

"First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then
you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said
the officer.

"I decided not to turn right," Laura explains.

"Then why the up and down?" asks the officer.

"Officer," Laura sniffs, "I was erasing!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Crazy Abe, the used-car dealer, was out to break all sales records
with his "like new" models. A large sign in his window announced:
"A Blonde for a day Free With Each Car."

A delighted young wolf plunked down his cash and, hot with
anticipation, drove his newly won blonde out into the country.
He parked, gave her a couple of preliminary kisses, and
whispered a suggestion in her ear

She shook her head, smiled, "Marriage is like a cage;  one sees the birds
outside desperate to get in, and those inside
desperate to get out."
-Montaigneand said,
"You got that when you bought this car."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chana and Simon Taub from New York Spite for spite's sake January 21, 2007 - New York, New York - AP Like two Cold War adversaries, Chana and Simon Taub are separated by a wall - one that was built straight down the middle of their home to keep the bickering spouses apart. Neither one wanted to move out of their beloved Brooklyn house and so - in one of the strangest divorce battles the city has ever seen - a white drywall partition was erected a few weeks ago on orders from a judge. The divorce case, which has been staggering through the courts for nearly two years, has been dubbed Brooklyn's "War of the Roses," after the 1989 movie starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner as a battling couple. Aside from the wall, the Taub version of the story has some other farcical elements: Chana said her husband of more than 20 years has bugged her phones. Simon said his wife owns too many shoes. It is not as if the Taubs have no place else to go. For one thing, they own a place two doors down. But for reasons that include stubbornness, spite and their love of the home, both insist on staying in this particular house in Borough Park. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: It's been raining a bit in Riga, Latvia ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Two guys are walking down the street and one is telling the other how he hates Slobovians, but when they turn the corner there is an Slobovian organ grinder with a little monkey holding a tin cup. The guy who hates Slobovians puts some coins in the monkey's cup. When they walk away his friend says, "I thought you hated Slobovians, yet you gave him money?" And he answers, "Yes, but they are so cute when they're little." =========================================== How many gears in a French tank? Sixteen, fifteen reverse, and one forward in case they are attacked from behind. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jazzye Re: Dogfood Diet Hey, Dear Webby, Thanx for your GREAT humour letter...it's a cool read from start to finish! I have a special request, and I'm sending a 'reply' as you say to get in touch with you. Is there any way possible or a link I can access to find the 'dog food diet' joke that I believe you put in the letter on 7/28/06?? I would greatly appreciate it! If you can't email it to me directly, can you tell me which letter I can watch for to find it again? I tried your 'archive' link, but it goes back starting with today's letter. Just wondering. Thanx again! Jazzye Dear Jazzye DOGFOOD DIET I have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?) On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he roared with laughter staggering to the door and fresh air. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 20, 2007 - Tallahassee, Florida - AP Neither gunfire nor two days in a refrigerator could slay this duck. When the wife of the hunter who shot it opened the refrigerator door, the duck lifted its head, giving her a scare. The man’s wife “was going to check on the refrigerator because it hadn’t been working right and when she opened the door, it looked up at her,” said Laina Whipple, a receptionist at Killearn Animal Hospital. “She freaked out and told the daughter to take it to the hospital right then and there.” The 1-pound female ringneck ended up at Goose Creek Wildlife Sanctuary, where it has been treated since Tuesday for wounds to its wing and leg. Sanctuary veterinarian David Hale said it has about a 75 percent chance of survival, but probably won’t ever be well enough to be released back into the wild. He said the duck, which has a low metabolism, could have survived in a big enough refrigerator, especially if the door was opened and closed several times. And he said he understands how the hunter thought the duck was dead. “This duck is very passive,” Hale said. “It’s not like trying to pick up a Muscovy at Lake Ella, where you put your life in your hands.” ------------------------------------- A kudo for the duck is possibly justified, but a hunter who fails to kill a slow ringneck duck, and does not bleed and gut it before bringing it home, should be required to write the Hunter's Guide Book by hand, three times, and get fined for unnecessary cruelty to animals. I sincerely hope the Killearn Animal Hospital charges him an arm and a leg.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Saving a Part of Your Budget Make saving a fixed part of your budget. Determine a reasonable amount of money each month and have it automatically deposited into a savings account.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
My boss' wife Sherry was exasperated with her younger sister, who bought an unreliable car and called for a ride every time it broke down. One day Sherry got yet another one of those calls. "What happened this time?" she asked. "My brakes went out," her sister said. "Can you come to get me?" "Where are you?" Sherry asked. "I'm in the drugstore," her sister responded. "And where's the car?" "It's in here with me." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my ducks!" ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: frame.dll 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  January 21, 2007
======================================

For every minute you remain angry,
you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Instead of worrying about what people say of you,
why not spend time trying to accomplish something
they will admire."
--- Dale Carnegie

=======================================

As an English teacher, my cousin spent a lot of time marking
grammatical errors on her students' written work. She wasn't
sure how much impact she was having until one really busy
day when she was sitting at her desk rubbing her temples
while worrying about how to arrange her lunch time shopping
and banking and still be back in time for afternoon casses..

A student asked, "What's the matter, Mrs. Van Tine ?" -

Describing her emotional state, she replied, "Tense,"

After a slight pause the student tried again ... "What was
the matter? What has been the matter? What might have
been the matter? ... ???"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

My sister Tammy went through knee surgery a few weeks ago.
I called her to see how she was doing.

My nephew Bryan answered the phone. "Hello?" he whispered.

"Hey, B, how's your mama?"

"She's sleeping," he whispered again.

"She go back to the doctor for a checkup?"

"Yeah. She got some medicine," he said softly. "She's doing
ok."

"All right. Don't wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are
you doing, by the way?"

Again, softly, "Practicing on my drums."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a judge in Barcelona, Spain Blind to facts Thu Jan 18, 10:59 AM ET MADRID (Reuters) - A blind man caught speeding on a Spanish motorway has been cleared of fraud after a judge rejected an insurance company's allegation that he could really see, court officials said on Thursday. Domingo Merino was charged with fraud after insurers Mapfre said he had not been blinded in a traffic accident for which they were ordered to pay him 550,000 euros in compensation in a 1998 case. Mapfre argued that Merino could see since he had been caught driving at 154 km per hour (96 miles per hour) in a BMW just months before the trial. A Barcelona judge ruled Merino did lose his sight in the previous traffic accident and accepted his explanation that his wife gave him the wheel of the BMW on a straight stretch of road, but he could not see where he was driving. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== During the weeks before Jill's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making some mistakes at the ceremony. The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult and she will do just fine. "All you have to remember," he said, "is that when you enter the church you walk up the AISLE. The groom and best man will be waiting before the ALTAR. Then I shall request the congregation to sing a HYMN....then we shall get on with the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in which those things happen and you can't go wrong." The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited nervously for his bride to appear. When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her quietly repeating to herself, "Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle, altar, hymn." Or, as it sounded to him, "I'll alter him!" =========================================== When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER." So, I call them and say, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Daniel Re: frame.dll Dear Webby, every time i try to download a program i get an error message " this application failed to start because frame.dll was not found " where do i find this frame thing and is it downloadable ? thanks, daniel Dear Daniel You should be able to download it from Download DLL's http://www.pcmightymax.net/cgi-bin/view ... dllfix.net Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 19, 2007 - Clinton, Iowa - AP Tigger has impeccable timing. The cat alerted its Clinton owner, Carole Behr, to smoke early Tuesday morning, allowing Behr and her daughter just enough time to call 911 and escape from the fire that destroyed much of their home. Behr said the cat jumped on her and then sat until she woke up, to find it staring out the door of her bedroom. Firefighters used a ladder to rescue them from a second-story window, Behr said. Behr and her 15-year-old daughter, Connie Chapman, were not injured. Tigger, who jumped from the window, was also unharmed. The family adopted the cat last year from the Humane Society. ''I told my daughter, 'See, you saved the cat and now the cat saved you,''' Behr said. The cause of the fire is under investigation.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Tip Calculations Here's a trick for computing a 15% tip in your head. Start by calculating 10% of the bill and then add half. For example, if the bill is $24 dollars, a 15% tip would be $2.40 (10%) plus $1.20 (half of 15%), for a total of $3.60. Another easy method is to use the sales tax rate in your state. If it the tax rate happens to be around %7 or 8%, the tip should be roughly double the amount of tax that is charged. Another option is to carry a tip card, a small wallet sized card that has a table on it for calculating tips.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Marketing 101 . . . Revised People often ask for an explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is: You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed," That's Telemarketing. You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed," That's Brand Recognition. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep. Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support. You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" . That's spam. You see two great looking brothers at a party. You decide to take them both home. That's a 2 for 1 sale. You are at a party, this well-built man walks up to you and gropes your breast and grabs your bottom. That's Arnold Schwarzenegger. You like it, but 10 years later your attorney decides you were offended and files suit. That's America. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Wow doc, exactly what's my problem?" The doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: British Panoramas http://tinyurl.com/ywk3ox
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Bouncing Spam 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  January 20, 2007
======================================

All we need to make us really happy is something to be
enthusiastic about.

-- Charles Kingsley

=======================================

Oregon Drivers:
Oregon Drivers

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Murphy had been drinking at the pub all night.
The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So Murphy
stood up to leave fell flat on his face.

He tried to stand one more time; same result.
He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and
maybe that would sober him up.

Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again.
So he decided to crawl the four blocks home.

When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on
his face. He managed to crawl through the door and into
his bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly
fell right into the bed and was sound asleep as soon as his
head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over
him, shouting,"SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"

Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he
said, "What makes you say that?"

"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to some Seattle car dealers Worse than regular Seattle car dealers January 19, 2007 - Seattle, Washington - KOMO In bizarre series of events that have led to multiple arrests, Seattle police say a group of employees at a car dealership in West Seattle stole more than $100,000 from a disabled man. Seattle police spokesman Sean Whitcomb said the bizarre series of events began when the victim, a 60-year-old man with a diminished mental capacity, went to the Huling Brothers dealership in late July. The man was covered in his own urine and feces and asked a salesman about buying a truck. Despite the man's appearance, the salesman gave the man a ride home where he said he had enough cash to buy the truck. The man came back out with a sack full of $30,000 in cash and told the salesman that he had more than $70,000 still in his house. The salesman sold the truck to the man at the maximum price along with an expensive warranty, and then bragged to his co-workers about the man's claim of having a hoard of cash in his house, Whitcomb said. The next day the man returned to the dealership and said his truck had been stolen. The car had actually been towed and, Whitcomb said, this is when a group of employees at the dealership decided to steal the victim's remaining cash. While one salesman drove the victim to pick up his truck, the dealership's sales manager, Adrian Dillard, and five other employees drove in three groups to the victim's home, police said. Dillard and Theodore Coxwell allegedly broke into the man's house and stole $70,000. Whitcomb said that they told the other group of employees, who arrived at the house later, that they didn't find any money. On July 27th, the victim's truck was again towed and the man called police to report it stolen, along with his missing $70,000. When a Seattle police officer arrived, he found the man living in filth and had him taken to Harborview Medical Center. Despite already taking the man's money, Whitcomb said that the man was again victimized by an employee at the dealership. While he was at the hospital, the man called the dealership to express his concern that his truck would be auctioned by the towing company. The employee he spoke with, Paul Rimbey, convinced the man to sign over the truck to him and had him sign a bill of sale. Rimbey allegedly even went so far as to have a notary public at the dealership help fraudulently notarize the needed sales documents. Seattle Police Detective Caryn Lee investigates cases involving exploitation of vulnerable adults and said she was surprised by the complexity of the scheme. "This was in depth," she said. Dillard and Coxwell, who allegedly stole the $70,000, were arrested and charged with burglary, theft and conspiracy. Rimbey was charged with theft. Investigators said that 11 people at the dealership were involved in the various crimes. Whitcomb said that the car dealership has been cooperating with investigators and repaid the victim the $30,000 he paid for the truck. The man is currently being treated at Western State Hospital. The Huling Brothers dealership changed to the Gee Automotive Group earlier this month, and the new owners said Friday that they have an entirely new sales staff and were unaware of the pending legal action against the former employees. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this picture: no damage to the shopping cart ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
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=========================================== "The young army doctor was stationed at a remote dispensary in the South Pacific. One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of his patients. He radioed a base hospital: 'Have case of beriberi. What shall I do?' A prankster got hold of the message. This was the reply: 'Give it to the Marines. They'll drink anything.' =========================================== Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little sh.., O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a horrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy... "Cindy O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but terribly useless in a fight." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ella Re: Bouncing spam Dear Webby, I have always been bouncing spam back at the sender, but now my daughter told me that you had written once that was a dumb idea. She couldn't remember the details, though, and told me to write you myself. So, what's the story with bouncing spam? Ella Dear Ella The only email to bounce is when your mother-in-law writes that she will come for an uninvited but extended visit. Spammers never use their own address as the sender address, and often they even forge the recipient's address as the sender address. Not all, but some spammers use a collector address to catch all the bounces. They can tell if the mail was bounced by a spam control program. A fake bounce to them is confirmation that the address works, and they sell it as "guaranteed live". Except for the one exception mentioned above, bouncing does not work in your favor. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos 09:23 Friday 5th January 2007 Boy gets his own postbox An eight-year-old boy has got his own postbox because he loves sending letters. Gareth Scott, who is autistic, now has his own postbox in his garden in Gatley, Greater Manchester. His mum Denise wrote to Royal Mail to see if they'd supply a box. They couldn't but put her in touch with the Romec company. Company boss Paul Carr was so touched by Gareth's story he sent a weighted fibreglass box and postman's hat to Gareth for free. According to the Sun, Denise said: "He's over the moon."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Contact Lenses Before cleaning your contact lenses, close the drain in your bathroom sink or cover it with a washcloth. This will keep the lenses from going down the drain if you drop them.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love." "Well," said the other, "that would certainly revolutionize hockey!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Thanks to Liz for this story: I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park." ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Resale Rights 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  January 17, 2007
======================================

"It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes
to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently."
--- Warren Buffett

=======================================

How can you easily determine how much dirt
there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at
one end and two feet deep at the other end,
and four feet wide at one end and two feet
wide at the other end?

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Tim for this one:
My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas.

The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a
Western or English saddle, and she asked what the
difference was.

He told her one had a horn and other one didn't, she replied,
"The one without the horn is fine.  I don't expect we'll run
into too much traffic out here."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award goes to Kenneth Ellingson, 37, of Missoula, Montana Not a Cat Burglar, maybe Pig ? January 13, 2007 - Missoula, Montana - AP A 280-pound man who tried to break into a craft and hobby store by crawling in through a cooling duct got stuck and died, authorities said. The Missoula County coroner's office identified the man as Kenneth Ellingson, 37, of Missoula, and said the cause of death was positional asphyxiation. The owner of the Treasure Chest hobby store arrived for work around 8:30 a.m. and called 911 when he found the store had no electricity and the phone was out, said police Lt. Mike Brady. "In the course of looking into what happened, officers found the phone lines had been cut and the power to the building had been tampered with," Brady said. "They also found a ladder leaning against the back of the business and used it to get access to the roof." There, they found Ellingson wedged headfirst in a cooling duct, Brady said. Authorities said the 6-foot-tall, 280 pound man got stuck in an L-shaped portion of the duct probably around 3 a.m. or 4 a.m. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Arturas for this picture: Lithuanian air conditioner installers ===========================================
Get ready for Valentines Day
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=========================================== A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?" "I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the same thing?" =========================================== A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat. After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry Davis, could you please tell me what room I am in?" "Certainly, sir" said the clerk. "You're in the lobby." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mannie Re: What are "Resale Rights" ? Dear Webby, I have seen that phrase a lot lately, and now I see it even in your side menu. What are these "Resale rights" about ? Tks Mannie Dear Mannie Normally, when you buy a book or e-book or software, the author retains the copyright, and you go to jail or get a discouragingly big fine if you sell copies. However, some people want to get their message out far and wide, but they don't have a Multi Billion Dollar advertising budget like promoters of certain books. So they condense their books so that they are short enough for anybody's attention span, and they sell them cheap, for example for $5. Then, to further spread their books, they let each buyer sell copies to her or his friends and acquaintances, and make a bit of money. Usually they even provide nice sales pages customized for the reseller, so that all the reseller has to worry about is having a PayPal account to receive their money. What's in it for the author? Her or his name is spread a lot farther, and sometime in the future she or he can cash in on that fame by selling a slightly more expensive book. Will you get insanely rich by reselling some book? That depends entirely on how many you sell. If you sold five Million by Thursday, you would have twentyfive Million bucks in your PayPal account by the weekend. Yeah, right. But if you sell one to aunt Bertha, and a dozen to the people at work, and another dozen to the people to whom you forward jokes, that puts $125 into your account. Not bad for a $5 investment. Can you give somebody a free copy? No. When you buy it, you agree not to do that. You get reSELL rights, not give-away rights. In addition to that, if somebody just has a donated copy but has not paid their $5, then they don't get the sales page with THEIR PayPal button. In summary, it's not a get rich quick scheme, but a very low investment way to make grocery money or put gas into your tank, or to upgrade to a faster Internet connection. If you can afford to invest $5, go for it! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 12, 2007 - Yonkers, New York - AP A homeowner used a kitchen fire extinguisher to beat back an intruder before catching him early Thursday, police said. The homeowner woke up around 1:30 a.m. when he heard a man banging on the kitchen door and fumbling with the doorknob while trying to get in, police said. When the homeowner opened the door to see who was there, the man barged in. The homeowner, fearing for the safety of his wife and children upstairs, grabbed the fire extinguisher, sprayed the intruder with foam, smacked him over the head and held him on the floor, said police, who arrested the thug and took him to a hospital. The intruder, who was treated for minor injuries, was scheduled to be arraigned late Thursday in Yonkers City Court on a felony charge of second-degree attempted burglary, police said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Zippers on Sofa Cushions Food Lost During a Power Outage If you have homeowners insurance, food that has to be thrown out during a power outage may be covered by your policy. Check with your insurance company to be sure. Some insurance policies will cover up to $500.00 per appliance if you provide a general list of what was lost and its replacement value. Your annual insurance cost for the following 20 years will usually go up by the amount you claimed.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, if you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Wild Things http://www.wildthingsphotography.com/de ... =&pass
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Upside Down Video 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  January 16, 2007
======================================

The only thing that separates successful people from the
ones who aren't is the willingness to work very very hard.
--- Helen Gurley Brown

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.
--- John Lubbock

=======================================

Thanks to Rick A for sending this report:

Why God Made Moms
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following
questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me.
He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and
everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they
mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mom?

1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's
moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would
be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she
married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook?
Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to
drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.
And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because
dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the
stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more
to do than dad.

What's the difference between Moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home & dads just go
to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Moms have all the real
power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep
over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without
medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think
some kind of plastic surgery would help..
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.
I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my
sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes
on the back of her head.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Roland for this story:
Ruth is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for  breakfast.
Roland walks in.

Ruth turns and says, "You've got to make  love to me this
very moment."

Roland's eyes light up and he thinks, "This is my lucky  day."
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then
gives her his best effort on the kitchen table.

Afterwards Ruth says, "Thanks," and returns to the  stove.

More than a little puzzled, Roland asks,
"What was that all  about?"

Ruth explains, "The egg timer's broken."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Xu Jun, Shanghai, China Can't take a joke January 13, 2007 - Shanghai, China - AP A Shanghai tea house whose name translates roughly as "Frog Keeps a Mistress" has been deemed a threat to public morality and told to get a new moniker, local media said Friday. The "Qingwa Bao Ernai" shop was violating China's advertising law, the Shanghai Daily and other newspapers said, citing a local commercial bureau official, Xu Jun. "The name is also against social morality and common ethics," Xu was quoted as saying, adding the change was needed to "purify the city's ad markets." The shop had no listed phone number, although a manager identified in the reports only by his surname, Li, was quoted as saying the name was meant to be funny, not risque. Despite rising wealth and sophistication, Shanghai remains highly conservative in politics and culture and its communist leaders are quick to crack down on ads, art exhibits or media seen as exceeding the vaguely drawn limits. The move also underscores extreme sensitivity over the widespread practice of keeping mistresses, particularly among government officials who have been ordered by the party to declare any such liaisons. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Arturas for this picture: Lithuanian Snow Man, this year. ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
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=========================================== A college kid goes to library and checks out a book called, "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia =========================================== During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb. When Bubba asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him. "Does your dog have a license?" he asked. "No way," Bubba said, "Ol' Blue don't need none. He's too old to drive." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Renae Re: Upside Down Video Dear Webby, I'm new to your ezine but I want to let you know that I am enjoying it very much. Now I have a question for you. About a week ago my mother called and said her computer was upside down. I sent my husband over and he found the desktop was upside down. The wallpaper was upside down and the icons were upside down and in the bottom right corner. He didn't know what to do for it so he solved the problem by picking up the monitor and turning it over making everything appear right-side-up. Any suggestions how to solve this problem? Renae Dear Renae In the old days of Windows 3 and before, there used to be a lot of TSR prank programs that we used to put on coworkers machines. With those you could set a trigger key, for example SHIFT Q. Nothing happened until the user hit SHIFT Q during their normal typing. When they did, then three seconds later the video flipped upside down. Other TSR's flippd the screen sideways, some had letters dropping out of the text and accumulating in a pile at the bottom of the screen, and one even had a cute little gopher popping at random spots out of the page. However, those harmless fun days are gone and I have not seen any of those TSRs for ten years or more. Your mother can try opening a new text document and then hitting every key on the keyboard one after the other, to see if one of them toggles the video back to normal, just to rule out that possibility. Within Windows XP, certain video drivers or graphics card chipsets supporting 180 degree screen rotation can cause the Windows XP display to be presented upside down. This can be (but is not always) tied to lowering the screen resolution in some accessibility programs. To revert to a right-side up display, hold down the CTRL, ALT and UP (arrow) keys. If CTRL ALT UP does not help, increase the screen resolution. From what I read, this problem is very rare and only occurs in the coarse resolutions. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 12, 2007 - Oslo, Norway - Canadian Press Thirty-six years of suffering a guilty conscience finally proved too much for a German man who shoplifted from a small store while on vacation in Norway in 1970. Seeking to make amends, he sent a cheque for the equivalent of C$380 to the small mountain town of Lom, and asked them to find the shopkeeper, Mayor Simen Bjoergen said on the town's website Thursday. "For many years, my conscience has bothered me. With the enclosed cheque, I hope to free myself from that and request your help," wrote the German, whose name was not released. "I would also like to ask for forgiveness for the wrong I did so long ago." In the letter, the man said he had been travelling in Scandinavia with his young brother and girlfriend, now his wife, when they stopped in Lom, a town of about 2,300 people 250 kilometres north of Oslo. He said he shoplifted about 40 German marks or the equivalent of C$30 worth of items from a local store, which he recalled only as "a souvenir shop with a big parking lot." He asked Bjoergen to find the shop owner and give him the cheque, and if that was not possible to use the money for a good cause. Bjoergen finally found retired 78-year-old shop owner Gabriel Lund, who owned the Fjoset gift shop in 1970, and gave him the cheque. In a letter to the German, the Mayor said Lund asked him to say "that he forgives you" and that he had given the money to the local retirement home to do something nice for its residents.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Zippers on Sofa Cushions Many people make the mistake of assuming that the zipper on sofa cushion covers is so you can remove it and toss it in the washing machine. Look for a tag on the cushion for cleaning instructions. Most cushion covers will shrink if you launder them like you would sheets or clothing, leaving them unusable.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, I have placed an order for it just yesterday." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" And the clerk said, "Robberies at the ATM machine." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Thanks to Lisa for this story: Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the elegant home of an older couple. Among other duties, I had to dust their many imported carvings and petrified collectibles as well as pick up after their pets. One day I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying on the floor beside the bookcase. I quickly picked them up and put them back on the shelf. The next week the same thing happened. That afternoon my employer came into the parlor, her faithful canine behind her. Looking around, she eyed the bookcase. "Tricky," she asked the dog, "how in the world do you keep getting your bones up there...?" ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Rescue data from crashed computer 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  January 15, 2007
======================================

Walk away from the 97% crowd. Don't use their excuses.
Take charge of your own life."
--- Jim Rohn

It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true
that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually
attracted by other things than power.
--- David Brin

=======================================

"I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the
overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three
hundred pounds.

"I don't want you to swallow them.  Just spill them on the
floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer.
For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after
the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo.

The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated
words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us some e-mail. "

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a joking bride in Steyr, Austria January 2007 - Vienna, Austria - Newsday Wedding jokes aren't always funny. When a bride in Austria jokingly answered "no" instead of "yes" when asked if she wanted to marry her husband-to-be, the official performing the civil wedding promptly broke off the ceremony. Not even the bride's sobs could reverse the decision and the couple had to wait two and a half months before they could give it another -- successful -- try, the Austrian newspaper Oberoesterreichischen Nachrichten reported Friday. Officials at the registry office in the city of Steyr where the mishap occurred declined to comment directly but noted the incident was highly unusual, according to the newspaper. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Bubba's Fishing Catameran ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== There was a zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on a bit in age so the zoo keeper decided as a treat that she could spend her final years in bliss on a farm. The zebra was so excited, she got to see this huge space with green grass and hill and trees and all these strange animals. She saw a big fat weird looking brown thing and ran up to it very excited, Hi, I'm a zebra. What are you? I'm a cow. Right, right. What do you do? I make milk for the farmer. Cool. The zebra then saw this funny looking little white thing and ran over to it. Hi, I'm a zebra. What are you? I'm a chicken. Oh, right. What do you do? I make eggs for the farmer. Right, great, see ya round. Then the zebra saw this very handsome beast that looked almost exactly like her without the stripes. She ran over to it and said, Hi, I'm a zebra. What are you? I am a stallion, said the horse. Wow, said the zebra. What do you do? Take off your pajamas, darling, and I'll show you. =========================================== An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened. He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of chocolate cake." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: DiAnne Re: Rescue data from crashed computer Dear Webby, I like your newsletter & photos and read it everyday. I have never written to you, but, I thought you might have an opinion about my latest problem. My desktop crashed or I got the "terrible" blue screen with a warning code. nvd.displ. I could run in safe mode, but, now I just get a black screen and it freezes when I try to go to safe mode. My Dell is only 4 years old. I am not sure what the problem is yet, but, I called Dell support and of course in touch with a barely speaking English person from who knows where. What I was told was to hit F12 and then told it what it said, also I was asked if I had 4 green lights on the back. I was then ask if I had downloaded anything. I did download 2 days prior to the crash a free version of Quick Books from Intuit. I was then told by Dell Tech that I did not have a hardware problem, it was corrupted software. So I was told to find all my CDs and call them back. They told me I would lose anything I had put on the computer all my e-mail messages and folders (Of course, I knew that & and I had backup somethings, but, not my e-mail saved folders - I don't know how). I told them there had to be a better solution and the tech said I could find a local tech and get my hard drive backup at my expense. Then call them back. I do have a Dell warranty through 2008. So, I was just curious as to your opinion on what they told me and any suggestions. And, do you really think the Quick Books I downloaded did the dirty deed? I am now communicating through my laptop and wireless. Thanks for your time, Di Anne Dear Di Anne I have never heard of QuickBooks causing a problem. Just get a $15-$35 3.5" IDE USB2 hard drive enclosure. Check Pricegrabber.com for a source near you or buy it on-line. Then set the jumper on your old drive as slave drive, put your old drive into that enclosure and plug the cable into your laptop. Even if the old drive doesn't boot, it will still have the data. Copy anything worth keeping onto the laptop. You'll have to contact Incredimail support to find out how to find and back up the mail. I have never used that program and am not familiar with it. However, with a bit of searching, I am sure you will be able to find your Incredimail data. Check and see if the old drive is too full, and do some weeding out. You should have at least 4 times the RAM space free. If the desktop has 1 GB of RAM, keep at least 4 GB drive space free. If you have DisKeeper, defragment the old drive. Don't waste time with the Windows defrag. If necessary, get DisKeeper from the left side of the HumorLetter or from http://webby.com/diskeeper . Then re-set the jumper to the master position and put the old drive back into the desktop machine. Try if it works. If not, call DELL and let them step you through whatever procedure they had in mind. Quite possibly that procedure is to first try re-installing Windows from the CD, and if that does not work, to format the drive and then installing Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 5, 2007 - Taiwan - AP Scientists in Taiwan have developed a simple, five-gene test aimed at showing which lung cancer patients most need chemotherapy, as similar tests now do for people with breast cancer and lymphoma. The experimental test needs to be validated in larger groups of patients, so widespread use is perhaps a few years away. However, it's already winning praise for its possible use in everyday hospital settings instead of in limited situations by people with special genetics training.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing Tweezers Have your tweezers flattened out and lost their spring? Close the tweezers with a pencil placed halfway between the hinge and the points to increase the bend. Then they should grip again. To sharpen tweezers, use a double sided, super fine diamond grit nailfile or fine sand paper folded over. First trim the nose or point so that you don't see any more reflections from nicks or rounding off. Then hold the file gently with the tweezers and push the file so that it smoothly goes to the joint of the tweezers. The less wobble, the fewer strokes it takes. Don't use any pressure at all on the return stroke, and only very light pressure on the forward stroke. Parting and bending should be done after the sharpening. Have FUN DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
From Lynn: Dear Webby, could you please run that Toddler's Diet joke again? Thanks, Lynn Sure. Here it is: THE TODDLER DIET You folks with toddlers should relate to this one! Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days, or go right back to stuffing their faces after it is all over. Is there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends you have a gland problem? Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a glass of water and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason. After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught Moms, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet, however, be sure to check with your doctor -- otherwise, you might have to see him afterward. Good luck! DAY ONE Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest). Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi. Bedtime snack: Toast a piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor. DAY TWO Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug. Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon. DAY THREE Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair. Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. FINAL DAY Breakfast: A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of Cornflakes, add a half cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Lunch: Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it. Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Wheat Weaving http://www.wheatweaving.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Desktop Appearance and icon sizing 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  January 14, 2007
======================================

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive
and all the impersonators would be dead.
--- Johnny Carson

The truth does not change according to
our ability to stomach it.
--- Flannery O'Connor

=======================================

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho", and
went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through
the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation:

"Say, look at that big bunch of buffalos."

The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch' but 'herd'."

"Heard what?"

"Herd of buffalos."

"Sure, I've heard of buffalos. There's a big bunch of 'em
right over there."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle
ranch, and finally made enough money to buy his dream spread
in Wyoming.
"So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend
when he flew out to visit

"We had a heck of a time," admitted the new cowboy."Couldn't
agree on anything. We finally settled on the Double R Lazy L
Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch."
"Wow!" his friend was impressed. "So where are all the cows?"

"When they saw that branding iron, they all ran away."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kymberly Smith, 38, of Burlington, CT January 3, 2007 - Farmington, Connecticut - AP A Burlington woman has been charged with trying to obtain painkillers from a drug store by using her dog's name. Kymberly Smith, 38, faces more than two dozen charges related to her alleged repeated attempts to fraudulently obtain painkillers at a Farmington pharmacy under her dog's name. Police said Smith is charged with using her dog Zack's name to get Hydrocodone, which is marketed under several names including Vicodin. Simsbury police said Smith was also arrested in June after she was allegedly caught calling in a fraudulent prescription for the same drug. Farmington police said Smith was a veterinary technician for several area veterinarians when she began using their ID number to call in prescriptions for herself under the name "Zack Smith." She turned herself in Dec. 29 and was released after posting bond. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: More colorful weeds from Sandie's back yard ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the ..., in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys." =========================================== "What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your incredible sense of humor." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rose Re: Wrong icon size Dear Webby, I hope you can help me one more time. After getting my computer back from the repair shop all my " Icons " and everything on the computer is double in size, how can I get things back to normal. Thank you Rose Dear Rose Let's hope and assume that the computer is not stuck in safe mode. Right-click on the desktop Properties Settings move the slider to the right. I set mine at 1600 x 1200 and the color quality at Highest (32 bit) If that makes the icons too small, Right-click on the desktop Properties Appearance Advanced and in there set the icon sizes and font sizes for everything. Also make sure you call the owner of that repair shop and tell her or him that you were not impressed with the unprofessional set-up. Unless they know about stuff like that, they won't get help or training for their staff. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 28, 2007 - Pensacola, Florida - AP When the bikes Dennis and Tamie Leporin bought themselves for Christmas to ride with their young son disappeared from their front lawn, the couple posted a sign to let the thieves know their disappointment. "I hope U crooks enjoy our bikes U stole; Merry X-Mas," the sign read. The next evening the couple heard a knock at their door and found an envelope with $200 inside. A pickup truck was driving away. "Inside was a note that read, 'For every crook, there are 1,000 good people'," Dennis Leporin told the Pensacola News Journal. "I thought it was awesome. We moved here from St. Louis, and folks just don't do that in St. Louis," he said. Tamie Leporin said she and her husband were concentrating so much on the theft that they forgot about the true meaning of Christmas, until they were reminded by the kindness of strangers. "We just wish there was some way we could thank them," she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cellphones for Less Last month I was in the market for a new cellphone and a new cellphone carrier so I went online looking for the best deal. For various reasons I was unable to complete an order online and ended up going directly to a Cingular store (one managed by Cingular). They matched the deal I found online plus gave me an addition rebate on each phone. They were also able to transfer my existing numbers, something that was not allowed with the online retailers offer. By Fisher
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
"I've got to get to the doctor and renew my prescription of birth control pills. I can't afford to get pregnant!" said Rita to Nina. "But I thought you said your husband had a vasectomy," Nina responded. "He did. That's why I can't afford to get pregnant." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Galaxies http://www.noao.edu/outreach/aop/observers/galaxy.html Amazing what kinda stuff is buzzing around above my roof!
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Dual Subscription 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  January 13, 2007
======================================

The power of intuitive understanding will protect you from
harm until the end of your days.
--- Lao Tzu
(There are no women on his planet)

=======================================

Isaac bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
His friend Morris said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty
4-Wheel drive vehicles."

"Yes, that she did," he replied.
"But where in the world was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to
take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In
court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" said the
lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just
loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the ..."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the
question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'"

Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was
driving down the road ..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway
Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after
the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and
said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
favorite mule Bessie."

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just
loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her
down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign
and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and
Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want
to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew
she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after, a Highway
Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning,
so he went over to her. After he looked at her then he took out his gun
and shot her between the eyes.

"Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and
looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot
her. How are you feeling?'"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to January 4, 2007 - Sydney, Australia - Reuters An Australian bank has apologized for issuing a credit card to a cat after its owner decided to test the bank's identity security system. The Bank of Queensland issued a credit card to Messiah the cat when his owner Katherine Campbell applied for a secondary card on her account under its name. "I just couldn't believe it. People need to be aware of this and banks need to have better security," Campbell told local media on Thursday. The bank said the cat's card had been cancelled. "We apologies as this should not have happened," it said in a statement. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for these pictures: ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Talk about having second thoughts upon choosing a place to eat. I went into this place in Abilene Texas and said to the waitress, "I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse." She smiled, handed me a menu and replied, "Well... you've come to the right place." =========================================== Two American women stop at an inexpensive pension in Paris. When they get to the room, they find they have only one chair, so one asks the bellboy to bring them another. Unfortunately, the bellboy can't understand a word of English, and neither of the young women can speak French. To solve the problem, one of the women points to the only chair in the room, then tries to pantomime sitting down in an imaginary chair. With a knowing smile, the bellboy bows and motions for her to follow him. At the end of the corridor, he stops, smiles, and bows again. Then he points triumphantly to the door of the ladies' room. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Keith Re: Dual Subscription Dear Webby, I have been receiving two copies of each day's letter. I still wish to receive the daily letter, but only one copy. Thanks, Keith Dear Keith Down near the bottom you will see the email address that the subscription is for. You probably have two different subscriptions funneling to the same address. Pick the one that you don't want to keep, and hit the unsubscribe line for it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 2, 2007 - Summerville, South Carolina - AP A private sanctuary on the edge of this Lowcountry town is home to 26 gibbons rescued from poor zoo situations, medical experimental facilities or private pet collections. The sanctuary, off limits to the public, can never release its rescued primates into the wild because they have spent their lives in captivity. However, the International Primate Protection League, based here, does support international charities that preserve primates in their natural environments. The league, which has representatives in 31 countries, received more than $1.1 million in donations this year and gave away about $200,000. It recently sent about $100,000 to primate rescue centers in Africa, Asia and South America. It keeps only enough funds ($900,000) to operate the sanctuary, where gibbons live in wired enclosures with runs and 30-foot towers made of corn cribs. One resident gibbon is 50-year-old Igor, whose former years in a laboratory left him a psychological mess, said Sharon Strong, a league worker.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Creating Quality Home Movies When making home movies of your family be sure to keep the camera steady. Camera work that moves violently is very difficult to watch. When moving the camera, pan as slowly as possible and avoid zooming quickly or too often.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Leroy was in court charged with parking in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense. "They shouldn't put up such misleading notices," said the guy. "The sign said 'FINE FOR PARKING HERE'." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Thanks to Lois for this story: I thought I had finally found a way to convince Susan, my continually harried friend, that she needed to find ways to relax. I invited her to dinner and, while I was busy cooking, she agreed to watch my videotape on stress management and relaxation techniques. Fifteen minutes later, she came into the kitdchen and handed me the tape. "It was good," she said, "but I don't need it." "But it's a 70-minute video," I replied. "You couldn't have watched the whole thing." "Yes, I did," Susan assured me. "I put it on fast-forward." ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Set File Types 


Good Morning,  !
Friday,  January 11, 2007
Wear something red to show your support to the troops!
======================================


The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who
can do him absolutely no good.
---  Ann Landers


He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult
to make his words good.
--- Confucius


=======================================


Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to
give a few of your loudest screams?"


Patient: "Why, Doc? I didn't feel a thing!"


Dentist: "I know, but there are so many people in the waiting
room right now, and I don't want to miss the five o'clock foot-
ball game."


======================================


Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!


===========================================


Andy was reading the paper while his son was doing homework
on the opposite side of the table.
"Dad", his son asked, "how many people work in the Government?"


Without looking up, Andy responded: "Oh, about half of them."


===========================================


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Public and Commercial Services Union in England Worried about becoming efficient January 6, 2007 - UK - Ananova Black tape is being stuck on civil servants' desks to show them where to put their keyboard and pens - at a cost of £7million. Union officials slammed the efficiency drive as "madness" and added: "It's demoralising and demeaning." Workers at the National Insurance offices in Longbenton, North Tyneside, were picked for the pilot project. The Public and Commercial Services Union's Kevin McHugh said: "This office has been open for 60 years and people have managed to find their pens and staplers without consultants helping them in that time. The black-tape project is part of the nationwide Lean programme, run by consultants Unipart, which has already required staff to move their personal belongings off desks. The PCSU said: "We had a situation in Scotland where staff were asked, 'Is that banana on your desk active or inactive?' meaning were they going to eat it? If not, it had to be cleared away. It's madness." But a HM Revenue and Customs spokesman said: "Lean is all about how we can work more efficiently to deliver an even better service to customers." ----------------------------------------- It's not a matter of eventually finding a stapler, but of finding it in a reasonable time. And correct keyboard placement makes the difference between carpal tunnel syndrome or not. It seems to me the PCSU is just worried that, if efficiency breaks out in British government offices, half of their members would be out of work. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for these pictures: A horse race had to be abandoned after an angry flock of seagulls attacked riders. Five jockeys were dismounted when gulls interrupted the 5.20pm Goldenway Handicap at Sandown Races in Melbourne, Australia. The gulls seemingly panicked and flew directly at the horses, causing five to shed their riders and the rest to scatter. ===========================================
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=========================================== An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on." The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too..." ------------------------- That reminds me of a landing in Burwash in the Yukon in 71. Burwash is at the end of Kluane Lake, beside Kluane National Park. Very scenic. Also the worlds windiest airport. There was a short dirt taxi-way and parking area between the gravel runway and the occasionally staffed airport building. We used an old Piper Cub to get from there to Tincup Lake, where another guy and me were pretending to be carpenters and built a big fishing lodge without anybody ever catching on that we were learning carpentry as we went. We stayed in tents at Tincup Lake and once a week flew out to Burwash for hot showers and a meal that we did not have to poach, to pick up nails and other supplies, and to flirt at the waitresses. Top speed of the old souped up Cub was about 85 miles per hour when the tank was near empty. This one day the wind was 80, gusting to 90. Just before Burwash our route was near the Alaska Highway. Cars on the highway below sure looked fast whenever we were drifting backwards! When we finally got to the airport, we realized that there was just no way we would be able to taxi from the runway across the wind over to the parking area without getting flipped sideways. Gerry, who was just as crazy as me, hovered over the taxi way like a tethered kite and slowly forced the plane down to the tiedowns. The tiedowns were 55 gallon drums filled with cast iron engine blocks and old batteries. When we were low enough, I climbed out onto the wing to wheel support strut, and while hanging on with one hand and one leg, fished for the rope on the first barrel. After a few tries I got hold of it and cinched down the left wing. With the engine still running at full blast, I clambered over to the other side, being careful not to touch the ground and taking any weight off the little plane, and finally tied down that side, just before we ran out fuel. After climbing out, Gerry tied the stick to the seat, -yes, the front had a real seat, not just a cooler-, so that the wind forced the tail down. Then we carried a couple of 10 gallon drums filled with concrete and chains over to the tail to tie it down. It's amazing how fast you can run while carrying those drums, when you are in a hurry and you have an 80 mile per hour wind at your back! The waitresses in Burwash didn't want us to fly back that night and managed to persuade us to spend the night. By morning the wind had slowed down considerably, but we didn't need the real runway. The width of the taxi strip was plenty. =========================================== A group of friends who prided themselves on their intelligence set out to have a contest of wits. Each person in turn asked a question, and anyone who volunteered an answer that was wrong dropped out. If no one could answer,the questioner himself had to answer, and if he was wrong,he dropped out. Each dropout had to put $5 into the pot. Eventually the matter boiled down to Thompson and Brown, and the erudition of each one boiled up so that both were held even for half an hour. Finally Thompson said, "How does a gopher dig a hole without leaving a mound of sand at the lip?" Brown thought about that and said, "I can't answer that. However, since it's your question, you had better answer it." Thompson said coolly, as he reached for the accumulated pile of bills. "Easy. The gopher starts at the bottom of the hole and that's where he leaves the sand." "Hold on," said Brown heatedly, grasping Thompson's wrist to prevent him from taking the pot. "How does the gopher get to the bottom of the hole in the first place?" "That's YOUR question," said Thompson as he took the money. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joy Re: Set file types Dear Webby, Sometimes I can't open picture attachments in email. The message I get is,"This file does not have a program associated with it for performing this action. Create an association in the Folders Options Control Panel. I don't really know what to do after opening the Folder Options folder. Can you help me? Thanks, Joy Dear Joy Right-Click on START select EXPLORE Click on TOOLS FOLDER OPTIONS FILE TYPES Scroll down to the file type that you need a program for, highlight it click on advanced, and select a suitable program for it. For GIF, JPG, PNG, BMP select PaintShop Pro or whatever you use for graphics. For PDF use Foxit or Adobe Acrobat, for PPT use Microsoft PowerPoint viewer. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 9, 2006 - Mexico, Missouri - AP Ray Heilwagen has his wallet back, 62 years after he lost it in France during World War II. Late last year, Heilwagen received a call from Stephen Breitenstein of Palatine, Ill. ''He said, 'Did you lose a billfold?' and I remembered I did,'' Heilwagen told the Hannibal Courier-Post. ''Then he said, 'I found it and will send it to you.' ''I could hardly believe it.'' Breitenstein's father, who also served in France during World War II, recently died. Digging through his father's possessions — ironically on Veteran's Day — Stephen Breitenstein found the old wallet. He figured his dad found it during the war and brought it home, hoping to find the owner. Not knowing how to do so, he left it in a drawer for more than six decades. Using the Internet, Breitenstein tracked down Heilwagen. After their phone conversation, he mailed the wallet to him. ''He sent it to me, and I received it in very good order,'' Heilwagen said. ''It had everything in it — (French) francs and pictures and my original Social Security card and some receipts.'' The wallet also included an article from the Courier-Post (Heilwagen grew up in Hannibal) that his parents had mailed to him during the war. Heilwagen served with the Army's 79th Infantry Division of the U.S. Army, which was in combat in France from their arrival in July 1944 until he was injured and hospitalized that November with a leg injury. He received a Purple Heart and a Bronze Star. ''We were in combat continuously, every day almost,'' he recalled. ''We were in a battle and received small arms fire, then a German mortar came in and exploded. It blew me into the river, and I had about five pieces of shrapnel in my right leg.'' As medics helped him in the field, Heilwagen recalled pulling out his billfold to look at pictures. The next day, he was taken to a French hospital, where the shrapnel was removed. ''They were getting ready to ship me out to another hospital, and I looked for my billfold, and it was gone,'' said Heilwagen, who was later discharged and returned to Missouri. He retired after a 39-year career with Southwestern Bell Telephone. As for Breitenstein, ''I was impressed that a stranger would go to such trouble to locate me and return my wallet,'' Heilwagen said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Junk Mail? I recently received a letter in the mail that looked like a credit card offer or junk mail from my bank on the outside of the envelope. I opened it and at a glance, it still looked like marketing of some sort. Fortunately, I took time to read it. It was promotional material, but it was detailing the virtues of a the new checking account that my bank had signed me up for. This new account has monthly fees, in contrast to the free checking account I had signed up for 15 years ago. The moral of the story, be sure to read anything your bank sends you. By Fisher
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if we're at the right funeral." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience. Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to omit them from their articles. One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that cannot be printed." ========================================
Thanks to Walter for today's Bonus Link: Chachapoyas Mummies http://snipurl.com/17atv
======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well,, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Lost Files 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  January 11, 2007
======================================

If you can't, you must. If you must, you can.
-- Anthony Robbins

The louder he talked of his honor,
the faster we counted our spoons.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

=======================================

A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill in the cash reg-
ister of a local grocery store. "Hey, where have you been?
I haven't seen you around here much."

The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos,
went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship. I just got
back to the States recently, went to a couple of baseball
games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"

The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff - church,
church, church..."

Confused the twenty replied: "What's a church?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned
from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're
going to be three in this house instead of two."The
husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his
wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the
world."

But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel this way
about my mother moving in with us tomorrow morning ."

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sebrina Hill, 35 of Cleveland Heights, Ohio Dumb as a snake January 6, 2007 - Cleveland Heights, Ohio - Canadian Press Call it the cost of an education: a mother and son accused of stealing a snake from a pet store were arrested when they returned to the store and asked for books on how to care for the animal, police said. Store clerks recognized the suspects from surveillance video taken during the theft and stalled them until police arrived. The video showed the 15-year-old taking the 75-centimetre baby boa from its cage, wrapping it around his neck and hiding it with his jacket, while his mother acted as a lookout, police said. The video appeared to show the head of the red-tail boa sticking out of the boy's jacket collar, police said. Mother and son were arrested Dec. 22. The snake, worth US$300, was recovered from their home and returned to the Petland in this Cleveland suburb, police said. Sebrina Hill, 35, faces theft charges and is scheduled to appear in court next month. Her son was booked and placed in the custody of relatives, police said. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
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=========================================== A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. Even though it cost almost twice as much as what his wife had spent for an invenstment in silicone at Jiffy Boobs, he feels really good about the result. On his way home, he stops at a news-stand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the order clerk the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47." This makes him feel really good. While standing at the bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young,there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I were to put my hand down your pants, I would be able to tell your exact age." As there was no one around, the man thought what the heck, and let her slip her hand down his pants. After a few minutes, the old lady says, "OK, that's fine, I'm done...you are 47." Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds." =========================================== One day a man drove his secretary home after she fell quite ill at work. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly, he looked down and spotted a high heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: Dear Webby, Hello! I need to ask you a question about my Documents settings.I went to click on my Documents this morning and got a box with instructions that it was not recognized and to rt click my documents icon then click properties and check path to target location is correct.So I went there and clicked on the default thinking maybe this would help. It only came up as if I had just started it today.I had tons of pics. and all on there that can never be replaced. Could you tell me where I might be able to retrieve the files? Also last week we installed the latest version of Mcaffee Total Protection.Everything seems to be running by Internet Explorer.Is there some way Internet Explorer 7 could have been installed when we installed the Mcaffee?I've heard bad things about IE7.Thought about putting the old Mcaffee back on here to see if that would help. I don't understand how my documents could just disappear or not work anymore.Never had this problem before. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Love you letters everyday. Thank you. Rita in Texas Dear Rita McAfee has nothing to do with that. It does not move files. It just blocks bad files from coming in. IE7 is bad news, but I don't think it is the cause of this particular problem. Probably the cat batted the mouse around and drug the files elsewhere. Click on START Search and search for *.jpg That will find all the JPG files, and let you drag them back to where you used to have them, or to a more appropriate location. The same trick works with .gif, mp3 and whatever files you are looking for. You will soon find out where they got drug to. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 9, 2007 - Louisville, Kentucky - Kids Wish Network An extraordinary little girl from Louisville recently enjoyed an exciting dream come true thanks to Kids Wish Network, an organization in Florida that grants wishes to children with life-threatening illnesses. 11-year-old Hannah, who suffers from a severe seizure disorder, had the time of her life on her special trip to Coffee Creek Ranch in California! Hannah has been diagnosed as having a rare and severe neuromuscular seizure disorder that even her doctors do not fully understand. Hannah's muscles have been severely affected and she is confined mostly to a wheelchair, though she can walk a little with the help of a walker. She is also unable to speak and must use a communication device. Hannah experiences extremely serious seizures and has been in and out of the hospital most of her young life. A huge animal lover, Hannah is especially fond of horses and loves to ride whenever she can - it's also great therapy for her! So it was no surprise when, after Hannah was approved for a wish with Kids Wish Network, that she decided what she wanted most of all was to visit a dude ranch and ride with some real cowboys! Kids Wish Network would like to thank the following for helping to make Hannah's wish come true: Aviation Mobility, Avis, Coffee Creak Ranch, the Hilton Garden Inn Sacramento, Scott Valley Respiratory and Timberlake Home Health Supply.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soap Pest Spray Mix two tablespoons liquid Ivory soap and one gallon water. Use a spray bottle to apply to your plant's leaves. It will help eliminate aphids, cinch bugs, spider mites, and white flies.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school and the principal said, "Hello, this is Dunn Elementary." The caller said, "Hi. I'm calling to let you know that Little Johnny Johnson won't be able to come to school all next week." "What seems to be the problem with him?" asked the principal. The caller said, "We are all going on a family vacation. I sure hope there is not a problem with that." "I guess that would be fine," said the principal. "May I ask who is calling?" The caller said, "Sure. This is my father." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== While down south on a visit, the young Yankee made a date with a local lovely. When he called for her, she was clad in a low-cut, tight-fitting, long dress. He remarked, "That's certainly a beautiful dress." "Sho 'nough?" she asked sweetly. "It sure does," he replied. ========================================
Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Start Cooking http://startcooking.com/blog/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Strip Flags 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  January 10, 2007
======================================

Action may not always be happiness,
but there is no happiness without action.
--- Sir Benjamin Disraeli

I daresay one profits more by the mistakes
one makes off one's own bat than by doing
the right thing on somebody's else advice.
--- W. Somerset Maugham

=======================================

Two church members were going door to door,
and knocked on the door of a woman who was
not happy to see them.  She told them in no
uncertain terms that she did not want to hear
their message and slammed the door in their
faces. To her surprise, however, the door did
not close and, in fact, bounced back open.

She tried again, really put her back into it,
and slammed the door again with the same result
- the door bounced   back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking
their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a
slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of
them yelled, "Ma'am, STOP!
You knocked out your cat with the first slam.
If you are going to keep doing that, you are going to
get some very expensive vet bills!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Two storks are on a nest-a father stork and baby stork. The
baby stork is crying and father stork is trying to calm him.
"Don't worry Son, your mother will come back. She's only
bringing people babies and making them happy," he says.

The next night, it's father's turn to do the job.

"Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now
he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies," the mother
stork says to the crying baby stork.

A few days later, the stork parents are desperate-their son
is gone from the nest all night. Finally, shortly before
dawn, he returns. The parents ask their son where he has
been all night.

The baby stork says, "Awww, just scaring the hell out of
teenagers!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to a murderer in Polk County, Florida Minimum Paperwork Orlando Sentinel Another case of underestimating the ammo requirements As reported earlier this week, man who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop in Florida ended up "executing" the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range. Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed. A statewide manhunt ensued. The low-life was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun. SWAT team officers fired and hit said low-life 68 times. Now here's the kicker: Asked why they shot the guy 68 times, Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd told the Orlando Sentinel: "That's all the bullets we had." ------------------------------- Sherrif Judd and his crew have a reputation for "minimum paperwork", and it is extremely dumb to actively mess with them. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Communicate! Don't just sit there like a stump! ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm, and Little Johnny asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny said, "Well I can see why they threw HIM out!" =========================================== Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?" "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Doug Re: AOL Flag Dear Webby, I have never heard anybody calling those chevron forwarding marks "AOL Flag", but I sure will from now on! Once upon a time, long, long ago, you mentioned a program that strips those AOL flags from mails. Do you still have the link to that program? Thanks Doug Dear Doug Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and look for a n icon that looks like a traffic sign with an AOL flag on it. The Program is called "STRIP". and it's free. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 5, 2007 - New York - AP Two passers-by rescued a toddler who fell four storeys, scrambling to catch him as he tumbled from a fire escape, police said. Julio Gonzalez, 43, and Pedro Nevarez, 40, saw three-year-old Timothy Addo dangling from a Bronx building on Thursday, police said. The boy had crawled out of a window when his babysitter briefly took her eyes off him, police said. "He was hanging on for dear life," Gonzalez said. Hearing people in the building scream for help as the boy's grip weakened, the men rushed over to position themselves under the fire escape to catch him. "No one came," Nevarez said. "We knew it was up to us." The boy tumbled and hit Nevarez in the chest so hard the impact knocked him off balance, but the child bounced into Gonzalez's arms. Timothy was treated in hospital for a cut to his forehead. "He's fine. He's happy. He's smiling," said his mother, Katrina Cosme, 26, who was working at the time of the incident. Police talked to the babysitter, and an investigation was continuing Friday, Det. John Sweeney said. The crucial catch came two days after a bystander threw himself onto a Manhattan subway track to save a man who had fallen, and a day after three police officers delivered a baby on a Brooklyn subway platform. "This is the week of heroes in New York," Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Apply for Financial Aid Early If you or a loved one is going to college this fall, apply for financial aid as early as possible. The amount of aid you get is based on your need level, fund availability, and the date your application process is completed. It pays to be on top of it. File your financial aid application as soon as you file your taxes. You should have all the paperwork you need in February.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda was like that. So when she and her new husband husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own suitcase." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way." ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: AOL Improvement 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  January 8, 2007
======================================

If you can dream it, you can do it.
--- Walt Disney

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
--- Dean Martin

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman
with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's
willing to make a decision she'll regret in the future.
--- Richard Jeni

=======================================

Thanks to Deeli for this story:
Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with
his drinking buddy, Paddy.  He took off his shoes to avoid
waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading
to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.
As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body
swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.
A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made
the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants,
and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks
were cut and bleeding.  He managed to quietly find a full
box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best
he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and
shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both
his head and butt and Mary screaming at him from across
the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Flynn said, "Why do you say such a mean thing?"

Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could
be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could
be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could
be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly....
it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Bernie was unfortunate enough to be hit by a truck and ended
up in the hospital. His best friend Morris came to visit him.

Bernie struggles to tell Morris, "My wife Sadie visits me
three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she
reads  to me at the bedside."

"What does she read?" asks Morris.

"My life insurance policy."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to AOLers AOL boasts that 99.46 % of AOLers have a higher IQ than bra size Today only 0.54% of AOLers mixed up the "FORWARD" and the "THIS IS SPAM" button. An AOL spokesman, who insisted on anonymity, speculated that the apparent increase in overall intelligence amongst AOLers is probably due to relatives of AOLers sneaking Smarties into their Christmas gifts. However, AOL wants me to do something about the AOL user malfunctions. Dear webby.com, You are receiving this message via our automated "Report Card" process (which helps analyze AOL's Internet inbound mail) because our available data indicate that webby.com's subscribers are still above the acceptable threshold for user malfunctions: 0.46% This is an automated notification. Replies to this email will not be answered. Thank you for your prompt attention to this important matter. ------------------- Well, about the only way I can attend to this important matter is to encourage all AOLers to eat more Smarties! Try to get the percentage of AOL user malfunctions down a bit. Otherwise the AOL postmaster is going to block ALL AOL uers from receiving the Humor Letter. DearWebby ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Dear Webby, What is a "cozy snow bank"? See the attached picture, taken on December 3 2006 in Yarmouth Nova Scotia. Although the flowers have finally stopped blooming here, we haven't seen a "snow bank" yet this winter. Today it is 7c and sunny. Just thought I'd share. :-) Debbie ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A car with Massachusetts plates drove up to the Canadian customs booth I was manning. When I asked the driver his name, he looked at me strangely and asked, "How much?" I repeated my question, and this time he answered. But when I proceeded to question him further, he told me he just wanted to pay the toll and go. "You're not at a tollbooth, Sir," I patiently explained. "This is Canadian customs." The man paled. He had left Boston six hours earlier-- headed for New York City. =========================================== Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "This till can only process six items per customer. Which six items would you like to buy?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lucille Re:Ezines through Earthlink Dear Webby, I am a fan of Gopher Central ezines. Their ads are goofy, but their content is usually good. My problem is that I subscribe to their ezines, recieve them without problem for a couple months, and suddenly they get cut off. I have them in my approved sender's list. Is there anything else I can do? I am on Earthlink. Lucille Dear Lucille When those ezines get cut off, do you need to subscribe again? In that case the problem is on Gopher Central's side. If not, then contact Earthlink Support through the member chat support, and haggle out with them whether it's your spam control or Earthlink's. Earthlink is a good dial-up provider and I have used them whenever I travel for over 10 years, but in the last few years. I found that their email is not quite reliable enough for business purposes. Your email goes out OK, but their incoming filtering is sometimes a bit heavy-handed. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 5, 2007 - Spartansburg, South Carolina - AP Norman Rattliff Jr.'s cell phone gave him away, police said. Authorities were able to arrest Rattliff on Wednesday night by using the global positioning system in his cell phone to track the fleeing suspect, Sheriff Chuck Wright said. Rattliff, who was wanted in West Virginia for forgery and failing to register as a sex offender, ran from officers trying to arrest him at a Spartanburg home where he had been staying for about six months, Wright said. But he didn't get far, the sheriff said. "The GPS locator on his cell phone told us about where he was, so we went and started knocking on doors," Wright said. Deputies found Rattliff in the back bedroom of one of the homes and arrested him, the sheriff said. Rattliff is awaiting extradition back to West Virginia.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Monthly Resolutions Statistically, most people don't succeed with their New Year's resolutions. If you are one of those people, try starting smaller, with weekly or monthly resolutions. If you are trying to cut down on fast food, commit yourself to not eating out for a month. It can be easier to achieve goals when the finish isn't so far in the future.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
*Helping Daddy* One day a young boy ran crying to his mother and rubbing his behind. His mother said, "Bobby, why are you crying?" "Because daddy hit his thumb with the hammer!" little Bobby wailed. "Why, that's not something to cry over," his mother told him. "That should make you laugh." Bobby rubbed his behind and said tearfully, "I DID laugh!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They sit down on a bench to rest for awhile. Soon they overhear voices coming from a secluded spot nearby. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realizes that a young man is about to propose. Not wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment, she gently nudges her husband and whispers, "Whistle to let that young couple know that someone can hear them." To which Murphy replies, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Stone Gardens http://www.sticksandstonesfarm.com/MossTroughs.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Full Size Browser by default 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  January 7, 2007
======================================

A fellow doesn't last long on what he has done.
He has to keep on delivering."
--- Carl Hubbell

=======================================

Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief
sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang.

Apparently, that sound was "uh oh."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Please start the year with a vote to show that you are a
member of the liveliest audience of any newsletter!

===========================================

Resume bloopers:

"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment,
I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to
at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed
heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately
lead to the application of more rarefied facets of
financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

Try the Salvation Army Thrift Shop. They are always
looking for empty shirts.


"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

Tell Greg not to apply here either.


"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed
and my employer does not know I am looking for
another job."

If somebody calls you after 5:30, it will be a telemarketer.


My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since
I have no training in meteorology, I suppose
I should try stock brokerage.

Don't call us, we'll call you.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Mark Steven Valladares, 48, Loveland, Colorado From the frying pan into the fire January 5, 2007 - Loveland, Colorado - The Denver Channel A man who allegedly robbed a Loveland bank so he could avoid jail time is now back in jail. Mark Steven Valladares, 48, is accused of robbing a Wells Fargo Bank last week for money that he wanted to use to pay off outsanding driving fines. One hour after the bank robbery, Valladares was pulled over about one block from the Loveland police and courts building, police said. He allegedly told investigators that he was headed to the police station to pay the fines and that the robbery was an act of desperation, the Loveland Daily Reporter-Herald said. "He said if he didn’t pay them, he was going back to prison, and he didn't want to go there," Detective Chuck Sutterfield told the newspaper. Larimer County Court records show that Valladares owes $325 for a misdemeanor driving-under-the-influence conviction, the newspaper said. Not paying the fine could result in a local jail sentence, but not federal prison. Valladares is being held at the Larimer County Detention Center on $45,000 bond. A felony charge was filed against Valladares on Wednesday, and he is scheduled to be back in court on Monday. While police have not said how much money he allegedly stole, they did say they recovered all but $166, which Valladares reportedly spent to pay money owed to a neighbor and to buy a few items at a local store, the newspaper reported. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture of one of her yellow Cannas. While we comfortably relax in cozy snow banks, Sandie apparently has been slaving away in her garden and yesterday filled eight garbage cans with cannas that got away on her and other assorted weeds and stuff. Must be a rough life in the jungle! ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist. "A bit airy..." remarked the American. Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, " 'ell yes! What did you expect ..... feathers?!" =========================================== One day, a foreign family arrived in New York City. This was the first time out of their native village, and it didn't take long before the wife got lost. The husband asked a passerby for help and was told to go to the police and report it. When he got there, a police officer asked him for the wife's description. "What's that?" asked the man. "Well, you see a description is telling what something looks like. For example, my wife is 25-years-old, 5'11", 140 lbs, 38-25-36 measurements. Now, what can you tell me about your wife?" "The hell with her, lets go look for yours!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Full Size Browser default Dear Webby, I've got a stupid question for you. It used to be, when I clicked on a link that opened a new page, it would come up as a full new page. Now when I click the link, I get a half page. I used to know how to change this but I haven't had to do it for so long that I've forgotten. A little help please. How do I change the size of a new page? David Dear David Viewing pages full size has gone out of fashion, because you don't see what might be opening behind it. Also, with the higher resolutions commonly used nowadays, you can comfortably have two pages open side by side if you squish them a bit. F11 toggles a window to full screen and back. To set full screen as the default, even though Microsoft has decided it is a dumb idea and refuses to tell you how to do it, follow this top secret rigmarole: Close all browser windows but one. Open a new window from a link on the remaining window. Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up). Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what you want the windows to automatically open up as). Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window. From now on, all your new windows should open up to that size until perform a similar process telling IE that you want all new windows to be the new size. Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your preferred window size. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 6, 2007 - Devon, UK - Ananova A former nurse has celebrated her silver wedding anniversary - for the second time. Eileen George wed for the first time in 1952 and celebrated 25 years of marriage with her husband Patrick before he died in 1977. She brought up four children alone in Edmonton, North London. When her youngest son, Ian was ten he made friends with the nine-year-old son of divorcee Ronnie George at a social club. Romance blossomed between Eileen and Ronnie and the couple married in 1981. Eileen who now lives in Devon with Ronnie said: "It never dawned on me that two silver wedings was unique until my daughter Jacqueline mentioned it." According to the Sun, Ronnie said the secret to a happy marriage is: "Let your wife be the boss."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Birthdays on Your New Calendar When putting up your new calendar for the new year, take a moment and fill in all the birthdays that you need to remember throughout the year. It's also good to note any anniversaries or other important dates. One good method is to flip through your old calendar and transfer any dates which apply to the new year.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?" "I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A bishop discovered a tribe of Indians in the Amazon who had never recorded a baptism, confirm- ation or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every couple that walked by and desired such. Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives...!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: World Heritage Sites http://whc.unesco.org/en/list/rss/ 450 pictures! Takes a while to load, but well worth the wait!
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Mix ATA and IDE drives 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  January 6, 2007
======================================

He who believes in nobody knows that he
himself is not to be trusted.
--- Red Auerbach

"Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work."
--- Aristotle

=======================================

Thanks to Glenn for this story:

You know, I've never been much for shopping
In fact I try to stay away from town
Except when shipping time comes,
I ain't easily found.

But the day came when I had to go
And I left the kids with ma
But before I left she asked me,
"Would you pick me up a bra?"

Without thinkin' I said "sure,"
How tough could that job be?
I bent down and kissed her
And said, "I'll be back by three."

Well, when I done the things I needed
I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing,
I was working up a sweat.

I crossed the street to the ladies shop
With my hat pulled over my eyes,
I wasn't takin' any chances
On bein' recognized.

I walked right up to the sales clerk
I didn't hem or haw
I told the lady right straight out,
"Ma'am, I'm here to buy a bra."

From behind I heard some snickers
So I turned around to see
At least fifteen women in the store
And they's all gawkin' at me!

"What kind would you be looking for?"
"Well," I just scratched my head
I'd only seen one kind before
"Thought bras was bras," I said.

She gives me a disgusted look
"Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
Come with me," I heard her say,
And like a dog, I tagged along.

She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display
Well I thought my jaw'd hit the floor
When I seen that lingerie.

They had all these different styles
That I'd not seen before
I thought that I'd go crazy
'fore I left that women's store.

They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
And bras that cross your heart
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.

They had bras that made you feel
Like you weren't wearing one at all
And bras that you can train in
When you start off when you're small.

Well I finally make my mind up
Picked a black and lacy one
I told the lady,
"Bag it up," And figured I was done.

But then she asked me for the size.
I didn't hesitate.
I knew them measurements by heart,
"Six and seven eighths."

"Six and seven eighths, well sir,
That really isn't right."
"Oh yes ma'am, I'm positive,
I just measured them last night."

I thought that she'd go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife's bust
Was the same as my hat size.

"That's what I use to measure with,
I figured it was fair
But If I'm wrong I'm sorry ma'am."
This drew another stare.

By now a crowd had gathered
And they's all crackin' up
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.

When she finally had it figured
I gave the gal her pay
I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, "Good day."

My wife heard the whole story
'fore I ever made it home
She'd talked to fifteen women
Who'd called her on the phone.

She was still a-laughin'
But by then I didn't care
Now she don't ask and I don't shop
For women's underwear.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Please start the year with a vote to show that you are a
member of the liveliest audience of any newsletter!

===========================================

Thanks to Dave for this story:
Aaron came home from school one day, all banged up, bloodied, and
bruised. His father asked him what on earth had happened.

"Well, dad, it's like this," Aaron began. "I challenged Larry to a
duel and you know how that goes...I gave him his choice of
weapons."

"Uh huh," said the father. "That seems fair."

"I know...but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Rocco Bove, 24, of Westbury, NY Hemp in Hempstead January 5, 2007 - Hempstead, New York - AP Leave the cannoli, take the marijuana. A Nassau County correction officer was arrested and due in court Thursday on charges he tried to smuggle marijuana into the jail - stashed inside a box of the Italian pastries. Rocco Bove, 24, of Westbury, was arrested Wednesday following an investigation into the discovery of pot inside the box. Police say Bove dropped off the box for an unidentified inmate on Christmas Eve, and when officers checked it, they found the marijuana, along with rolling papers, matches and a flint pad. The drugs were actually inside the cannoli, Nassau County Police spokesman Kevin Smith said. It was "enough so someone could have a little personal consumption around Christmastime," Smith said. He said police believe Bove removed the cream filling in the tube shaped shells of fried pasta, stashed the pot inside in plastic bags, and then refilled the shells. Bove was suspended without pay and scheduled to be arraigned on charges of promoting prison contraband and unlawful possession of marijuana. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for sending this picture that his son Greg sent him from England. It's a bit out of season, but I agree with Martin, it's too nice a picture not to share it. ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Thanks to Rosie for this one: I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband. "What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?" =========================================== The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked. "Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We'll get a new cat tomorrow." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Mix and match IDE and ATA Dear Webby, Can you mix and match IDE and ATA hard drives? I want to use my old IDE drive as a second (slave) drive with my new machine, which has an ATA drive. Bob Dear Bob Some motherboards have sockets for both IDE and ATA cables, but unless you have looked yourself and seen both types of sockets side by side, don't count on them being there. On new motherboards usually they aren't. The way around that problem is to simply use a USB harddrive enclosure for the old IDE drive. USB harddrive enclosures cost $15 and up on-line. However, check PriceGrabber and see if a nearby store has a good deal. With low cost items the shipping costs can make an on-line purchase more expensive than a local storefront. With most USB harddrive enclosures you get a bunch of tiny screws to attach the drive inside the usually almost too snug enclosure. Don't fret if the little screws don't line up or are a nuisance. Once the lid is closed, the drive is held quite nicely. By the way, even though your old IDE drive measures about 4" x 6", it's called a 3.5" drive, because the platter inside is a 3.5" platter. If you ask for a 4" drive enclosure, they will tell you that you are on the wrong planet. Look for a 3.5 inch USB 2 Hard Drive Enclosure. USB 2 standard is 40 times faster than USB 1. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 5, 2007 - St. Petersburg, Florida - AP One woman discovered on New Year's Eve that her bra could do more than lift and support when a falling bullet was stopped by the bra strap on her left shoulder. Debbie Bingham, 46, an Atlanta resident visiting family in St. Petersburg, said her bra slowed the falling bullet during the holiday celebrations. Her injuries may have been much more severe had it not been for her bra strap, said George Kajtsa, spokesman for the St. Petersburg Police Department. Bingham says she was outside with her daughter and son, ringing in the New Year and viewing the local fireworks display when she felt a sharp pain in her left shoulder at 11:40 p.m. It was Bingham's daughter, Solanda Bingham, 30, who first noticed the blood seeping through her mother's white shirt. ''We were sitting at the picnic table and listening to music and my mom said, 'Ow,''' the daughter said. The daughter said she looked over and saw the blood and shouted ''My mother's been shot. My mother's been shot.'' The bullet was halfway inside of Bingham's bra, and the other half barely breaking the skin, Bingham later told WTSP-TV. Someone had fired a gun into the air and as the .45-caliber bullet fell back to earth, Bingham was struck. Kajtsa described the wound as a ''big scratch with bruising.'' Bingham was taken to Bayfront Medical Center in St. Petersburg where she was given five stitches. The bullet was lodged into the bra tap was only removed when doctors intervened and cut the bullet from the strap. St. Petersburg police are still searching for the shooter to determine if Bingham was the target of the gunfire or if she was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, Kajtsa said. Shooting a weapon inside the city limits is a misdemeanor with a maximum fine of $1,000 and up to one year in jail, Kajtsa said. As for Bingham, she said she is just thankful for her bra. ''It was a very cheap bra. It wasn't very expensive, and I'd love to have a couple more of those bras,'' she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Checkers You can make your own checkers game by saving plastic milk bottle caps. You need two different colors, 12 checkers for each player. If all your bottle caps are the same color, color the top of half the caps with permanent marker. Then make a game board using a square piece of card board. Use a ruler to measure and draw squares with a marker. A checker board is 8 by 8 squares of alternating colors, the same as a chess board. You can make a very nice checkerboard quickly by weaving 4 strips of dark and 4 strips of light paper, felt, or wood veneer into a square. Then cut some plywood or paneling to size and lay some iron-on glue gauze onto that, slide the weave onto it, and iron it on. After it has cooled, you can pour marine spar varnish or a clear epoxy on it. For a finishing touch, glue some felt table protector disks onto the bottom. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone . . . "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up. The next morning, at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back . . . "Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to tell you that I don't HAVE a dog." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But, if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Internet Movie Database http://www.imdb.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: More questions re tripods 


Good Morning,   !
Friday,  January 5, 2007
Wear something red to show your support of the troops!
======================================

Nothing is stronger than habit.
--- Ovid

There is no nonsense so gross that society will not,
at some time, make a doctrine of it and defend it with
every weapon of communal stupidity.
--- Robertson Davies

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into
nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes
easy."
--- Albert Einstein

=======================================

When I was visiting a friend who lived on the edge of a
wilderness preserve, we drove along a rutted trail, and we
saw a small creek ahead whose bridge was under water.

"We have a serious beaver problem," our friend said. "They
build dams that cause the creek to flood. Forest rangers
take down the dams, and the beavers rebuild them."

As we got closer, we could see a large scoreboard posted
by the bridge.

It read: BEAVERS 3 RANGERS 2

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Please start the year with a vote to show that you are a
member of the liveliest audience of any newsletter!

===========================================

When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local
motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for
almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his
license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented
to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking
pretty grouchy in this picture."

The woman beside him peered over his shoulder, then
reassured him, "It's okay. That's how you're going to look
when the cops pull you over anyway."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to North Hollywood kidnappers OOPS, wrong victim January 3, 2007 - North Hollywood, California - CBS News In what was apparently a case of mistaken identity, a woman was kidnapped, bound and abandoned in her car. Authorities found the victim in North Hollywood on Tuesday night. Though she was still bound, the victim dialed 911 around 9 p.m. She summoned authorities to the intersection of Fulton Avenue and Burbank Boulevard, near Los Angeles Valley College, where her kidnappers had left her, Lt. Alan Hamilton of the Los Angeles Police Department's North Hollywood Station said. Though the victim did not know her kidnappers the case was not considered “stranger abduction” because she was not taken at random, Hamilton said. According to Hamilton, the kidnapping was allegedly an attempt to retaliate against a failed relationship ... one that involved the woman’s male roommate. "She was completely innocent," he said. Apparently the kidnappers acted upon orders from a person who wanted revenge, but picked up the wrong person, Hamilton said. "It was a kidnap by proxy," he said. The victim’s roommate had already contacted police by the time the victim called 911. He had apparently been tipped off about the kidnapping by the suspects, Hamilton said. After the woman was found, she was taken to Los Angeles County-USC Medical Center, where she was examined and released, he said. Though authorities are not totally clear on how the kidnappers mistook the female victim for her male roommate, Hamilton said that the suspects "aren't the sharpest tools in the shed." ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture Sandie's way of showing that she is envious about our yards full of snow men and women and sidewalks to shovel. ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== We were all celebrating our friend's 80th birthday when the mail arrived. In the mail was a summons for my friend to appear for jury duty. My friend called the court clerk. "I received a jury duty summons, but I have an age exemption." The clerk said, "Ma'am, you need to fill out an exemption form to be granted the exemption." "I did that last year." "Ma'am, you have to do it every year." "Why? Are you worried I might get younger ?" =========================================== A woman went to her dentist to have her dentures adjusted for the fifth time. She said they still didn’t fit. “Well,” said the dentist “I’ll do it again this time, but no more. There’s no reason why these shouldn’t fit your mouth easily.” “Who said anything about my mouth?” the woman answered.“They don’t fit in the glass!” ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Unc Wes Re: Tripod Sources Dear Webby, Can you give us a few websites or good tripods on eBay??? unk wes Dear Unc Wes With tripods you have to check them out personally. The staff at camera stores rarely have a clue about tripods, and it's even worse on the net. First make sure that the rotator is not a threaded pipe or bolt. If it is, don't waste time on it. It's sloppy junk. It's OK if a bolt holds down the rotator or turntable, but if it rides up on the threads when you turn it, forget it. If it passed that all important Pass/Fail test, then put a camera with a long, heavy lens on it, focus on something very far away, and lock it in position while watching the viewfinder or LCD. Does the locking action move the focus three trees over, or does it stay put? All the rest is of minor importance. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 3, 2006 - Juneau, Wisconsin - AP An elderly man fended off a would-be burglar with a shoehorn before the man invaded another home and was arrested, the Dodge County Sheriff's Department said. The man kicked in the door of an elderly couple's home in Lebanon about 1 a.m. Monday, demanded money and threatened to shoot them, the sheriff's department said in a news release. But the husband, who is in his 80s, beat the man around the head with a long shoehorn, forcing him from the home. The intruder and another man then committed another home invasion in the Oconomowoc area and were arrested in Waukesha County, the release said. The Dodge County District Attorney's Office is reviewing the matter for potential charges.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com January's Best Food Buys Buy food that is in season and you can save money at the grocery store. Here are January's Best Buys: Apples, Beef, Broccoli, Brussels sprouts, Chicken, Eggs, Grapefruit, Oranges, Pork, Rhubarb, and Turnips.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery." "Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Is the bank account for a girdle business called a truss fund? Or is that stretching it a bit. ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Dangerous saves 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  January 3, 2007
======================================

The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to
sacrifice what we are for what we could become.
--- Charles Du Bos

It's a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate
gratitude with moderation.
--- Roberto Benigni

=======================================

What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A private tutor.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Please start the year with a vote to show that you are a
member of the liveliest audience of any newsletter!

===========================================

Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.

"We don't need anyone" they replied.

"You can't afford not to hire me.
I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!"

"Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell.
If you can sell just one, you have a job."

He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them
two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.

"How in the world did you do that ?" they asked.

"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman,
I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"

"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a
urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine
samples."

Morris was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when in
he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets
the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two
bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says "Here's Mr.Brown's
and this one is Mr.Smith's."

"Thats good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"

"Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a state
teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Adam Croot, 39 of of Wokingham, Berks, England Jilted man auctions holiday A man has advertised on eBay for a girl to replace his former lover on a Caribbean holiday. So far 67 strangers have bid on the trip with insurance expert Adam Croot. The highest bid currently stands at £870 reports the Sun. Adam, 39, reveals on the website how he booked the 5 star break in Jamaica as a romantic break. But his girlfriend dumped him and he faces losing his money on non-refundable tickets if he does not go. He explains: "We've all been there I'm sure - booked a nice holiday with your partner, paid 50 per cent of the costs and then found yourself dumped. Bummer. "Maybe I'm just a tightwad, or maybe I just hate seeing anything go to waste, but I want to go to Jamaica." Adam, of Wokingham, Berks, adds: "The only catch is you have to come with me." The auction closes on January 6. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line." "This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now." "He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied. "Right now I'd say he's sheepish." =========================================== The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap. All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional had been watching. "What club should I use now?" he asked the pro. "I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nellie Re: Saving during power failure Dear Webby, Is it true that you should not try to save stuff while the electricity is failing? I have a few seconds on my UPS to bridge short blips, but was told not to frantically try to save anything, in case the blip turns into a longer outage. What's the real story? Nellie Dear Nellie That advice is absolutely correct. If you are trying to save a long document or large spreadsheet and the write power fizzles out while saving, you most likely trash that document. At best, you will be able to re-use the oldest parts of it, but you most likely will miss the newest ones. If your data is important to you, get a UPS that can run your machine for a few minutes and allow you to properly save and shut down. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos A HOTEL owner had to pay more than £1,000 to guests because it didn't snow over the festive period. Andrew Cox promised visitors to his Loch Kinord Hotel in Dinnet, Aberdeenshire, a white Christmas or a £50 refund.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mixing Meatloaf and Other Sticky Things When mixing meat loaf or patting marshmallow candy into a pan, kneading pizza dough etc., I first spray my hands with non-stick cooking spray. It keeps the food from sticking and washes off easily with soap and water.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two men who work in the same office are talking about their sons who are in their first year of college. "You know," says one, "my boy's letters nowadays always send me to the dictionary." "You're lucky," says the other. "My son's letters always send me to the bank." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" His wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Air Kix http://airkix.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: IE7 Picture Blocks 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  January 2, 2007
======================================

The biggest difference between sex for money and
sex for love is that  sex for money usually costs a lot less.
--- Fred Barling

Most people have seen worse things in private than they
pretend to be shocked at in public.
--- Edgar Watson Howe

=======================================

I know it's bad luck to be superstitious, but Sandie's
collection of New Year's superstitions is just too funny
not to share:

New Year's Superstitions

Besides getting sloppy drunk and kissing everybody in the
room at the stroke of midnight, celebrants throughout the
ages have observed numerous lesser-known New Year's
customs and superstitions. Many of the superstitions
associated with the event bear the common theme that
activities engaged in on that day set the pattern for the
year to come. Others have to do with warding off evil spirits
or attracting luck.

Because January 1 is the first day of the new year, we have
drawn a connection between what we do on that day and
our fate throughout the rest of the year. Here are some of
the ways we attempt to guarantee a good outcome through
our acts on that portentous first day:

Kissing at midnight:   We kiss those dearest to us at midnight
not only to share a moment of celebration with our favorite
people, but also to ensure those affections and ties will
continue throughout the next twelve months. To fail to smooch
our significant others at the stroke of twelve would be to set
the stage for a year of coldness.

Stocking Up:   The new year must not be seen in with bare
cupboards, lest that be the way of things for the year. Larders
must be topped up and plenty of money must be placed in
every wallet in the home to guarantee prosperity.

Paying Off Bills:   The new year should not be begun with
the household in debt, so checks should be written and mailed
off prior to January 1st. Likewise, personal debts should be
settled before the New Year arrives.

First Footing:   The first person to enter your home after the
stroke of midnight will influence the year you're about to have.
Ideally, he should be dark-haired, tall, and good-looking, and
it would be even better if he came bearing certain small gifts
such as a lump of coal, a silver coin, a bit of bread, a sprig
of evergreen, and some salt. Blonde and redhead first footers
bring bad luck, and female first footers should be shooed
away before they bring disaster down on the household.
Aim a gun at them if you have to, but don't let them near
your door before a man crosses the threshold.

The first footer (sometimes called the "Lucky Bird") should
knock and be let in rather than unceremoniously use a key,
even if he is one of the householders. After greeting those
in the house and dropping off whatever small tokens of luck
he has brought with him, he should make his way through
the house and leave by a different door than the one through
which he entered. No one should leave the premises before
the first footer arrives — the first traffic across the threshold
must be headed in rather than striking out.

First footers must not be cross-eyed or have flat feet or
eyebrows that meet in the middle.

Nothing prevents the cagey householder from stationing a
dark-haired man outside the home just before midnight to
ensure the speedy arrival of a suitable first footer as soon
as the chimes sound. If one of the partygoers is recruited
for this purpose, impress upon him the need to slip out
quietly just prior to the witching hour.

Nothing Goes Out:   Nothing — absolutely nothing, not even
garbage — is to leave the house on the first day of the year.
If you've presents to deliver on New Year's Day, leave them
in the car overnight. Don't so much as shake out a rug or
take the empties to the recycle bin.

Some people soften this rule by saying it's okay to remove
things from the home on New Year's Day provided something
else has been brought in first. This is similar to the caution
regarding first footers; the year must begin with something's
being added to the home before anything subtracts from it.

One who lives alone might place a lucky item or two in a
basket that has a string tied to it, then place the basket just
outside the front door before midnight. After midnight, the
lone celebrant hauls in his catch, being careful to bring the
item across the door jamb by pulling the string rather than
by reaching out to retrieve it and thus breaking the plane
of the threshold.

Black-Eyed Peas:   A tradition common to the southern
states of the USA dictates that the eating of black-eyed
peas on New Year's Day will attract both general good
luck and money in particular to the one doing the dining.
Some choose to add other Southern fare (such as ham
hocks, collard greens, or cabbage) to this tradition, but
the black-eyed peas are key.

Work:   Make sure to do — and be successful at —
something related to your work on the first day of the year,
even if you don't go near your place of employment that day.
Limit your activity to a token amount, though, because to
engage in a serious work project on that day is very
unlucky.

Also, do not do the laundry on New Year's Day, lest a
member of the family be 'washed away' (die) in the
upcoming months. The more cautious eschew even
washing dishes.

New Clothes:   Wear something new on January 1 to
increase the likelihood of your receiving more new
garments during the year to follow.

Money:   Do not pay back loans or lend money or other
precious items on New Year's Day. To do so is to guarantee
you'll be paying out all year.

Breakage:   Avoid breaking things on that first day lest
wreckage be part of your year. Also, avoid crying on the first
day of the year lest that activity set the tone for the next
twelve months.

Other superstitions attaching to the beginning of the new
year are:

Letting the Old Year Out:   At midnight, all the doors of a
house must be opened to let the old year escape unimpeded.
He must leave before the New Year can come in, says
popular wisdom, so doors are flung open to assist him in
finding his way out.

Loud Noise:   Make as much noise as possible at midnight.
You're not just celebrating; you're scaring away evil spirits,
so do a darned good job of it!

According to widespread superstition, evil spirits and the
Devil himself hate loud noise. We celebrate by making as
much of a din as possible not just as an expression of joy
at having a new year at our disposal, but also to make sure
Old Scratch and his minions don't stick around.
(Church bells are rung on a couple's wedding day for the
same reason.)

The Weather:   Examine the weather in the early hours of
New Year's Day. If the wind blows from the south, there will
be fine weather and prosperous times in the year ahead.
If it comes from the north, it will be a year of bad weather.
The wind blowing from the east brings famine and calamities.
Strangest of all, if the wind blows from the west, the year
will witness plentiful supplies of milk and fish but will also
see the death of a very important person. If there's no wind
at all, a joyful and prosperous year may be expected by all.

Born on January 1:   Babies born on this day will always
have luck on their side.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Please start the year with a vote to show that you are a
member of the liveliest audience of any newsletter!

===========================================

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female,
faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came
down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them,
"That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you
both to life for thirty minutes and in that time, you can do
anything you want." With a clap of his hands, the angel brought
the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the
bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling,
laughter, and shaking of branches.

Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes,
wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking
knowingly.

Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the
male statue and said,
"Great! Only this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap
on its head."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to a sleazy beer drinker in Berlin, Germany December 29, 2006 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters) A thirsty German sold his 6-year-old step-daughter's pet beagle to the owner of a bar to pay for beer, the Bild newspaper reported Friday. The unemployed man offered to take the dog for a walk and then stopped at a bar where he convinced the owner to buy the 3-year-old dog for 40 euros ($53). The man spent the proceeds quenching his thirst for beer. The bar owner has now returned the dog to its owner. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions. At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does anyone here think they are without sin?" He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of the back pews stood up. The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand after such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are completely without sin?" The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for myself, but for my wife's first husband." =========================================== A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This place," the guide told them, "is 1600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years." "Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: Dear Webby, I just recently purchased a newer computer with Windows Office 64. It has a 64 bit graphics card, and the first thing I noticed was how many programs were set up for 32 but not for 64. That is not the question. I run IE on the 64 bit and Mozilla on the 32 bit, and it appears to work fine, but on IE I cannot get the pictures to download. All I get is a red "X" in the boxes. In my e-mails it states "some pictures have been blocked to help prevent the sender from identifying your computer. Click here to download pictures". Very easy thing to do so your humor letter can be seen in its entirety, but that option is not available when I am searching the web. I just get the x's where the picture should be. Can you help, please? Thank You Very, Very Much for your time! (Virwolf) a long time subscriber and fan. Dear Virwolf The graphics card has nothing to do with that. It will make some games a bit faster and will let the kids brag about it on the bus. That's all. Your machine may be handicapped with MSIE7. If you can, get rid of that half-baked nuisance and revert to MSIE6. If you can't get rid of IE7, set the Internet Options in it one step at a time for a lighter and lighter security, until the pictures show up. According to Microsoft it's actually a default setting in Outlook Depressed that sorta leaks over into the browser. Here is what I found on their site: To turn off the Don’t download pictures or other content automatically in HTML e-mail option, follow these steps: 1. Start Outlook. 2. On the Tools menu, click Options. 3. Click the Security tab, and then click Change Automatic Download Settings. 4. In the Automatic Picture Download Settings dialog box, click to clear the Don’t download pictures or other content automatically in HTML e-mail check box. 5. Click OK two times. Good Luck! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 30. 2006 - Cairns, Australia - BBC A pet cat came to the rescue when a family home in Australia caught fire - by scratching the face of its sleeping owner, officials say. The cat's prompt actions meant the family of four escaped before the blaze took hold of the home, in Cairns, north Queensland. "The cat was probably the best smoke alarm system," fire service spokesman Robert White-MacFarlane said. He said the home suffered only minor damage as a result. The fire started after a mattress caught fire, possible from a cigarette, he added. But before the blaze engulfed the home, the cat sprang into action. "The occupant was woken by the household cat which was scratching his face, alerting (him) to the ensuing dangers," Mr White-MacFarlane told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. The owner was then able to wake the rest of the family, who fled the house and alerted the fire service. "There were alarms throughout the house, but the smoke saturation hadn't reached a point where they'd activated the alarms in the adjacent room," Mr White-MacFarlane added.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Bacon Cooking bacon in the oven allows you to cook large quantities of bacon quickly. Just line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and lay your bacon flat. Cook at 400 degrees F for 15 to 20 minutes.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'" The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play, he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time comes. The curtain goes up, the actor walks onto the stage, and with great passion delivers the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The theatre erupts. The audience is screaming with laughter, but the director is steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cries. "You have ruined me!" The actor is bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?" "No!" screams the director. "You forgot the rose!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. The head nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" The head nurse said, "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" The patient said, "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Tournament of roses http://tinyurl.com/spnkk
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: 2006 Darwin Award Roundup 

Good morning,   !
Sunday,  December 31, 2006
======================================

The darkest day of any man's life is when he sits down to
plan how to get money without earning it." -- Horace Greeley

=======================================

LAST DAY!
If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! Tomorrow it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
****  December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space
        will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the
        Darwin Awards today
===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 is the Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to these former people: January 9, 2006 - DOWNEY, Calif. - AP Southern California officials said an elderly man's attempt to get revenge on his neighbors ended with his own death. Police in Downey said the man in his 80s tried to set fire to two neighbors' homes with homemade bombs. Police took a call about a blast early Sunday and found the man in the street holding two handguns. One of his arms was on fire. Police told him to drop the guns, but he fled into his house. Officials say smoke and flames quickly came from the home, followed by several explosions. A police sergeant says fire apparently set off ammunition in the house. Investigators say the man had a long feud with neighbors about parking on the cul-de-sac. One of the targeted neighbors said the man "hated everybody." ======================================== January 10, 2006 - RANCHO CUCAMONGA, Calif. - AP An intoxicated man who was shot to death last week in an apartment mistook a neighbor's unit for his own and broke in when his key wouldn't work, authorities said. Hector Soto, 21, had recently moved to the apartment complex and had been out celebrating his upcoming graduation from a trade school, his stepfather, Robert Ward, said Monday. Soto was "fairly well intoxicated" when his friends drove him home early Friday, said San Bernardino County Sheriff's Sgt. Tom Bradford. All the buildings in the complex look the same, he said. Soto got into the wrong apartment through an open front window and headed to the bathroom, where he encountered the resident, a 65-year-old state prison counselor, authorities said. They scuffled and the resident, thinking Soto was an intruder, shot him once. The shooter will not be charged, Bradford said. ======================================== February 13, 2006 - FORT COLLINS, Colo. - AP A man who went missing for several days, prompting a massive search in Buckhorn Canyon, died when a shotgun accidentally fired as he crossed a downed tree, the Larimer County coroner's office has determined. The body of Bart Strain, 30, a married father of one, was found Thursday in a heavily forested area near Donner Trail. He was last seen on Jan. 31. An autopsy determined that Strain died from a contact gunshot wound to the chest. ======================================== March 1, 2006 - NORMAN, Okla. - AP A University of Oklahoma student from Colorado who blew himself up outside a packed Gaylord Family/Oklahoma Memorial Stadium probably didn't commit suicide, a Norman police bomb expert said. "I believe he accidentally blew himself up," Sgt. George Mauldin said Tuesday of Joel Henry Hinrichs III, a 21-year old engineering student who died in the explosion Oct. 1. Hinrichs, of Colorado Springs, Colo., had two to three pounds of triacetone triperoxide, or TATP, in a backpack on his lap when it exploded about 173 yards from the stadium during the second quarter of the Oklahoma-Kansas State football game, Mauldin said. "Someone saw him fiddling with it (the backpack) shortly before the explosion occurred. I think he got cocky, and it went off," Mauldin said. Mauldin, head of the Norman bomb unit, said investigators detonated at the scene the remains of Hinrichs' backpack, which contained wires, a battery and a circuit board. Photos showed that Hinrichs was decapitated and his headless body was still upright on the park bench next to the backpack. Investigators also found more TATP, components to make the substance, a fuse and live military rounds at Hinrichs' off-campus apartment. "We found evidence of him compressing TATP, which is foolhardy, given its properties," the officer said. Making TATP is a seven-step process, with the substance becoming explosive after three steps, he said. ======================================== March 27, 2006 - AHMEDABAD, India - Reuters A jobless alcoholic burned himself to death after his wife refused to serve him meat for dinner, Indian police said Sunday. Sixty-year-old Mithailal Ram Sanjivan doused his body with a flammable liquid and set himself ablaze outside his one-room house in Ahmedabad, the main city of western Gujarat state. Police said the victim, who had been without a job for years, and his wife, Geeta Sanjivan, 54, had a scuffle over the dinner menu. The wife refused to cook meat as they could not afford it. Irritated by this, Sanjivan locked her in the house before setting himself on fire outside. May 1, 2006 - NEW YORK - AP A 76-year-old woman who drove to a cemetery to visit her husband's grave has been killed by her own car. The woman inadvertently left the car running and in gear when she stopped at the Maple Grove Cemetery in Queens Sunday afternoon, police said. She was about 50 feet from her husband's grave when the car mowed her down. She died at the scene. ======================================== May 28, 2006 - Scotland - The Scotsman Two members of a stag party from Scotland drowned yesterday when they were swept away while taking souvenir photographs on Blackpool seafront. Barry Bryce, 23, and 33-year-old Scott Hunter, both from West Lothian, were part of a 20-strong group staying at the resort. Police said that the men had gone down to the waterfront at about 9.45am and had undressed before heading for the water with the intention of going swimming. One climbed over a chain guard on the sea wall and posed for a picture on steps leading down to the water's edge. Seconds later he was hit by a wave which swept him into the sea. His friend dived in to save him but also became trapped by the steep, curving sea wall, which is 30ft high and difficult to climb. Emergency crews were alerted by dozens of 999 calls from people seeing the pair in trouble in the water near Blackpool Tower. The men were pulled from the water by a lifeboat crew, but were pronounced dead half an hour later at Blackpool Victoria Hospital. ======================================== June 7, 2006 - Grand Rapids, MI - Deeli A Jenison man died after his mini-van hit a guard rail on I-196 Sunday at 2:20 am. Ronald 'Sushi' Hammink, 32, hit the guard rail and was thrown from his van onto the highway where he was hit by another vehicle. He had been out partying with the boys, was driving while drunk, and did not have his seatbelt on. Apparently he had not learned a lesson from a similar death of another of his friends which occurred eight years ago. Sushi leaves behind a wife and two small children. ======================================== June 19, 2006 - YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, Wyo. - AP A woman lost her footing after stepping over a retaining wall to take a photograph and went over a cliff, falling 500 feet to her death in a canyon, park officials said. Deborah Chamberlin, 52, of Rockford, Mich., was visiting the park with her husband and two children, park spokesman Al Nash said Sunday. She was vice president of the school board in her west Michigan community, The Grand Rapids, Michigan Press reported in its Sunday edition. Her husband flagged down a passing motorist, who called 911 after the Saturday morning accident at an overlook along the Yellowstone River, park officials said. A ranger rappelled down the canyon wall to reach the woman, but she was dead at the scene. ======================================== August 10, 2006 - Hudson, Colo. - The Denver Channel A mother and child were killed crossing a train track in Hudson Wednesday night. The accident happened just after 11:30 p.m. near Highway 52. Adams County deputies said the victims were a 26-year-old woman and a 2-year-old child. Their identities have not been released but they were believed to be Hudson residents. Investigators believe the mother was trying to beat the Amtrak train by running across the track while carrying her child. "The train personnel looked and couldn't find anything, then fire (fire department) got on scene and found body parts," said Margie Martinez, Weld County undersheriff. The train was headed from California to Chicago and was delayed for several hours while police investigated the deaths. ======================================== September 14, 2006 - Vietnam - The Scotsman A Vietnamese man who once appeared on national television to demonstrate his ability to resist electric shocks has been electrocuted while repairing a generator. Nguyen Van Hung was killed in Tay Ninh province near the Cambodian border while repairing the generator without first cutting the power supply, a local official said. ======================================== December 17, 2006 - Cincinnati, Ohio - AP A 13-foot boa constrictor wrapped itself around its owner's neck and killed the man in his home, authorities said. An acquaintance found Ted Dres, 48, inside the snake's cage Saturday and called police, the Hamilton County Sheriff's office said. The snake was still strangling Dres when deputies arrived, and the officers had to work with members of an animal protection group to remove the reptile, the sheriff's office said. Dres' snake will be kept at an animal shelter awaiting instructions from police or Dres' family, said Andy Mahlman, spokesman for the Cincinnati Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. ======================================== If you have information about any other 2006 boneheads who earned a Darwin award, please send them to me. The information has to be real, and verifyable, not just a forward of 1994 Darwin Awards with the date changed. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
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=========================================== **** December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the Darwin Awards today =========================================== **** December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the Darwin Awards today ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Loretta Re: Getting rid of old download files Dear Webby: I believe I read somewhere that after updates to programs had been received and installed, then those updates could be deleted and one would have more space on the computer. Is that true, and if so, how do I do it? Loretta Dear Loretta If you are reasonably disciplined and always download updates into a download directory, for example C:\downloads, then it is easy. Then you just clean out that folder. However, if you don't pay attention and just download them to anywhere, then it becomes almost impossible. Usually, the downloads don't amount to very much, since they are zipped up or compressed in some fashion. If you are so cramped for space that deleting the download files would make a significant difference, then you are way overdue for a bigger hard drive. You can hunt down ".zip" files and delete those. CrapCleaner also makes extra space for you. You can download CrapCleaner from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 21, 2006 - Hamilton, Ontario - Reuters A video posted on the ultra-popular Web site YouTube has helped Canadian police find a man they believe responsible for a murder. Police in the Southern Ontario city of Hamilton said Thursday that they uploaded a one-minute, 12-second clip from a surveillance tape onto the video-sharing YouTube site. The video, which showed suspects arriving at a local nightclub for a Sean Price hip-hop concert, garnered media attention and was viewed more than 30,000 times. "This is the first time Hamilton police have utilized video web posting in an investigation, and to the best of its knowledge, the first time that law enforcement has ever used it as a direct investigative tool," Staff Sgt. Jorge Lasso told a news conference. George Gallow, 24, of Hamilton, who is seen in the clip wearing a baseball cap with the word "JOKER" on the front, turned himself into police Tuesday and has been charged with second degree murder and attempted murder. Gallow is accused of stabbing Ryan Milner, 22, and his friend, whom police did not name, in a parking lot after the November concert. Police said Milner died shortly after being stabbed in the chest. His friend is still recovering. "(There is) little doubt that the extra media generated by the use of YouTube contributed to the fact that this man turned himself in," Lasso said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Coconut Meat After cracking a coconut open and draining the liquid, bake the two halves in a 400 degree F oven for 25-30 minutes. The fresh coconut meat will come out very easily with a little help from a soup spoon. And your kitchen will have a tropical scent! By Annette
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
**** December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the Darwin Awards today ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== **** December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the Darwin Awards today
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Ston, Croatia... Birthplace of Marco Polo http://tinyurl.com/sqstl Another site about Ston: Ston
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Pipe Dream 

Good morning,   !
Saturday,  December 30, 2006
======================================

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
--- Mark Twain

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Chris for this story:
My wife and her friend were talking about their
labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway.
Her friend said, "I love my new garage-door opener."
"I love mine too," my wife replied, and she honked the
horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out
and open the garage....!

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this story: John "Jack" Bolt, who went to his final reward in 2004, was the only two-war US Marine Corps ace. As a junior officer during World War II, he scored six enemy kills while flying the Vought F4U Corsair. As a major during the Korean War, he scored six more while flying the North American F-86 Sabre on an exchange tour with the US Air Force. Jack Bolt was a hoot! During a commercial airline flight several years ago, he was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing him as discreetly as possible. Jack pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, Bolt responded: "Gosh, that's a good looking baby... and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. Jack sadly shook his head, and in true fighter pilot fashion exclaimed, "Damn! And all these years I've been chewing gum. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Claude King, 31, of Boca Raton, Florida Lost Carjacker December 28, 2006 - Boca Raton, Florida - IBS Police said a man who carjacked an SUV in Boca Raton drove all the way to Palm Springs before becoming lost and calling 911 on himself. According to police reports, Claude King, 31, approached Caroline Funkey's black GMC Envoy while it was stopped at a red light in Boca Raton. The report said King smashed the driver's side window and pulled the driver out of the vehicle. Once inside, police said King began to punch the other four passengers. One of Funkey's friends, Kellina Beach, 18, struck her head on the pavement as she fell from the SUV and had to receive stitches at Boca Raton Community Hospital, police said. According to the report, once King got the passengers out of the SUV, he began to drive wildly around the area, finally heading southbound down Interstate 95. Police said that, while heading southbound, King struck a white Chevrolet pickup and decided to turn around and head north. According to the report, he then struck another vehicle along the way and decided to pull over in Palm Springs. A few minutes after the alleged carjacking, police said they received a 911 call from a pay phone in Palm Springs. It was King. "Um, I committed a crime," King allegedly told the dispatcher. "I stole a vehicle." When the dispatcher asked for his name, King allegedy said, "I'd rather do this: Could you just send the police over here?" The dispatcher then asked where the stolen car was located, to which King replied, "I couldn't even tell you. I don't even know where I'm at." Palm Springs police Officer Lt. Mark Hall said they found King sitting on the curb near the stolen SUV. According to the police report, Boca Raton police arrested King and took him to the hospital for a swollen right hand. King was then booked into the Palm Beach County Jail, where he was being held without bail. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Western sky as seen from my office yesterday, 12/29/06 If you want the big version, let me know. ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic: One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat." The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion. The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" Then he closed the door. Now THAT, my friends, is getting even! =========================================== A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carole Re: Where to return Norton Dear Webby: How can I find a phsical address to return this junky norton anti virus? I appreciate your help in this. Carole Dear Carole They would probably lock me up for conspiracy to murder if I told you. However, I really don't know. You can check their site at http://symantec.com/feedback/contactus.jsp By the way, in case you need the Norton removal tool, it's in my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 20, 2006 - Birmingham, Alabama - AP The scales of ''American Idol'' may have tipped in Ruben Studdard's favor in 2003, but there are other scales he would like to tip a bit less. After shedding almost 100 pounds, the Birmingham native and ''American Idol'' winner says he wants to help other residents of Alabama to lose weight. He's asking the 25 percent of the state's residents who are obese to lose 10 pounds in eight weeks — a total of 10 million pounds. Since committing to a weight-loss program this summer, Studdard has lost nearly 100 pounds, started eating healthier and begun exercising, according to a news release announcing the program. ''I'm not where I want to be, but I'm on the right track, and I'm excited about encouraging other Alabamians to begin their own weight-loss journeys,'' said the 28-year-old singer, whose third album, ''The Return,'' was released in October by J Records. Scale Back Alabama, an eight-week weight-loss campaign, kicks off Jan. 4 with an event featuring Studdard. The campaign is being jointly sponsored by Alabama's hospitals, the Alabama Department of Public Health and Barber Dairies.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Slicing Round Food To prevent an onion, bagel, or anything round from rolling while you slice it, cut a small slice from an edge and use that as a base. Then it it will not roll as easily and is much safer. By Janet
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== The Math Professor. posed this problem: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-third is to go to his son from his first marriage, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" A student in the back of the room answered, "A lawyer?"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Funny ad videos http://veryfunnyads.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Pipe Dream There will be a minute of ads first, just like with TV. THEN the movie will start. By the way, that music machine was NOT built from John Deere parts! Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Family Tree Program 


Good morning,   !
Friday,  December 29, 2006
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
======================================

Where is there dignity unless there is honesty?
--- Cicero

Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the
absolute rejection of authority.
--- Thomas H. Huxley

The impossible has a kind of integrity which the
merely improbable lacks.
--- Douglas Adams

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change,
and then goes back and says to the cashier,
"Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"

Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't
make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do
about it now. That's the policy of this bank!"

Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave
me twenty dollars too much. Bye. "

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three-year-old, "If you pretend you're asleep, he stops." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Miyoko Kawahara, 59, in Heguri, Nara Prefecture, Japan Woman gets 20-months for loud music Tue Dec 26, 4:23 PM ET TOKYO - A Japanese woman charged with inflicting injury on her neighbor by blasting rock music at her house for more than two years was given a 20-month prison term Tuesday, a court official said. Miyoko Kawahara, 59, was sentenced by the Osaka High Court, revoking an initial ruling that had given her a one-year prison term, court spokesman Takanao Kawasaki said. Kawahara in Heguri, Nara Prefecture (state) in western Japan, was accused of causing insomnia and headaches to her next-door neighbor by playing loud dance music almost 24 hours a day on a portable stereo she had pointed at her neighbor's house, 20 feet away. She was arrested on April 11, 2005. The two women had had a number of disagreements that police did not elaborate on. "The defendant ignored calls by local authorities and continuously played music at a high volume for some 29 months," Kyodo News agency quoted presiding Judge Hiroshi Furukawa as telling the court. In handing down a longer prison term than a local court ruling in April, this year, Furukawa told the court that the defendant "still maintains a hostile attitude toward the victim and it is highly likely she will commit the crime again," Kyodo said. Doctors had diagnosed the neighbor as having insomnia and headaches they attributed to the noise. Kawahara started blasting the music in November 2002 and continued until her arrest. Under Japanese law, those convicted of inflicting injury on another person face up to 10 years in prison and a fine of up to 300,000 yen ($2,520). ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Kids dressed up as Santas in India ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Accident Report Form I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient.... I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using a pully, which fortunately was attached to the building at the 6th floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident Reporting Form, that I weigh 145 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence-of-mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a high rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, I met the barrel coming down--this explains the fractured skull and broken collar bone.... Slowed, only so slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my hand were 2 knuckles deep into the pully. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence-of-mind, and was able to hold tightly to the rope inspite of my increasing pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottem fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 3, and as you might imagine--I began a rapid decent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, yes, I met the barrel coming up, this accounts for the 2 fractured ankles, and the lacerations on my legs and lower body.... The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only 3 vertebrae were cracked.... I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 6 stories above me, I again lost my presence-of-mind, and let go of the rope. The empty barrel weighed more than the rope--so it came down on me and broke both my legs.... I trust I have furnished you the information you require as to how this accident occurred =========================================== Safety officials in America who evacuated a school because of a disgusting smell have found its cause - a rotting packed lunch. A hazardous materials unit was sent to the secondary school in Berkeley, New Jersey to investigate the smell. They found the rotting lunch behind a row of lockers. Two teachers and a student were admitted to hospital complaining of breathing problems ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maggie Re: Family Tree Maker Dear Webby: do you have a family tree maker? maggie maggie Dear Maggie Here are the suggestions that came in: I've used Family Tree Maker http://www.familytreemaker.com/ for years and it's done a good job. The newest version, # 16 runs about $40 up to $70 when bundled with other software. I think mine is version 5 or 6 and I've seen no need to upgrade. Would imagine there are oodles of older versions available on Amazon. First though, for Maggie, or anyone else just starting out or an old hand, take a look at this site: Cyndi's List of Genealogy Sites on the Internet http://www.cyndislist.com/ Martin ---------------------------- My mom has used PAF (Personal Ancestral File) for years and years. It's free from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I believe they specialize in ancestry and have volumes upon volumes of ancestery information also. Their website is: http://www.familysearch.org/ Noella --------------------------- Here is agood source for a Family Tree maker... Bill R: http://snipurl.com/15yya http://store.worldstart.com/product.php ... amp;page=1 ---------------------------- I use Broderbund Deluxe 10 CD Set Find it easy to use and lots of good information: Roland I located that on Amazon: Amazon --------------------------- This is what I have, also you can go to www.familysearch.org/ and do a search There is pedigree charts that can be used there also. You would be surprised what you can find on that site regarding your family history, even though my family is not of the Mormon faith Jackie --------------------------- Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 20, 2006 - Sandusky, Ohio - AP Cedar Point Amusement Park roller coasters and rides shake a lot of loose change from its visitors' pockets during the summer. Now, the park is giving all of it to charity -- to the tune of $7,500. The amusement park on the shores of Lake Erie will donate the money to Victory Temple Soup Kitchen here from its loose change fund, officials said. Cedar Point employees collect and turn in any loose change found underneath rides, on the midway or in the park's fountains. The park has donated more than $170,000 to local organizations since 1988.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar for Fish Odors After frying fish or something that leaves a lingering odor in the house, put out several bowls with about a 1/2 cup white vinegar. This works well particularly in the kitchen, for several hours or overnight. The odor will disappear. By Pam
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A Slobodian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said "Let's all go to O'Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness." The Italian said "That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini's with every third round they bring a free bottle of wine to the table." The Slobodian said "That sounds fine but if we go to Kowalski's we drink for free all night and then go out into the parking lot and get laid a few times." "That sounds to good to be true!" the Irishman exclaimed. "Have you actually been there?" "No," the Slobodian replied, "but my wife goes there all the time." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== A Girl Guide troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a couple was engaged in an activity that had their heads pointing in different dirctions. "Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!" But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing. "Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!" "WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Dogsled.com's 2007 Alaska Getaway Giveaway http://www.dogsled.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Tree Maker 

Good morning,   !
Thursday,  December 28, 2006

======================================

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits
with my net income.
--- Errol Flynn

If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self.
— Napoleon Hill

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Two friends were driving to the store and on the way, they came
upon an intersection with a stoplight.  The light showed red, but
the driver went right through the red light.  The passenger
screamed at the driver, "What are you doing?  You're going to
get us killed!"

The drive said, "Don't worry, my mother always drives like this."

Later on, they came to another stoplight which was red.  The
driver sped right through the light.  Again the passenger looked
at the driver and said, "I  thought I told you, you're gonna get
us killed!  Would you please stop this nonsense!"

The driver said, "All right!  I get it, but I told you my mother
drives like this all the time."

They came to another intersection, but this time the light was
green.  The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car
completely.  The passenger yelled, "What are you doing now?
This is the third time you almost got us killed.  Why did you
stop at a green light?"

The driver said, "My mother might be coming the other way."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== One day, a man got drunk in a bar and started a fight. The police came and took the drunk man to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked him, "Where do you work?" The man said, "Here and there." The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?" The man said, "This and that." Then the judge said, "Take him away." The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?" The judge laughed and said, "Sooner or later" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 911 callers (999 in England) December 26, 2006 - Most Assuredly Worldwide - Ananova A woman in a nightclub phoned for an ambulance after breaking a fingernail. Another woman dialed 999 saying a mouse had swallowed her medicine. Other calls included a man who needed someone to change the television channel, a man who had a dream he was unconscious and had collapsed and a caller who wanted a can of pop out of the fridge. They were among thousands of timewasters revealed to have blocked 999 lines. The North East Ambulance Service also highlighted the growing number of revellers who call an ambulance to save queuing for taxis. They fake injury then wrongly assume ambulance staff will take them home after treatment. "One was from a woman who said her boyfriend was drunk and she needed help to get him upstairs to bed. Another was from someone who wanted us to deliver a takeaway to them." Last year demand rose by 15% from November to December. Control room manager Graham Robinson said: "At this time of year, our demand increases dramatically. We urge members of the public not to call 999 unnecessarily." ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this picture: <<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Learn to fly here Learn to land there <<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== "Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?" "No, but that didn't keep her from talking for two hours." =========================================== "Are you saying that your wife is outspoken?" "Not by anyone I know of." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maggie Re: Family Tree Maker Dear Webby: do you have a family tree maker? maggie maggie Dear Maggie Unfortunately, I don't. But that reminds me of a story my dad told me about 50 years ago. Seems he overheard some kid telling his father that he had learned in school that people were descendants of apes. Apparently the father blew up and yelled at his kid: "Nonsense! YOU might have decended from an ape, but I sure didn't!" If any of you have a program that you can recommend to Maggie for enumerating who climebed the tree whith whom, and who descended it, please send me the info and I'll list it here. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Christmas spirit sees off robbers A GERMAN taxi driver who shouted: "Oh, for Christ's sake, it's Christmas Eve!" when a teenage robber put a gun to his head, scared the thief away. An 18-year-old and his 16-year-old accomplice were later arrested.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Returning Items After Christmas Some stores after Christmas return policies have gotten stricter in recent years especially for people trying to return gifts without a receipt. Be sure to call ahead to find out the store's return policies to avoid waiting in long lines for nothing.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Being a husband is like any other job . . . It helps a lot if you like the boss. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living. "Mary, what does your parents do?" Lil' Mary replied "My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse." "Thats very nice," said the teacher, "Robert, what do your parents do?" Robert proudly exclaimed ,"My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!" "Thats very nice," said the teacher , "Johnny, what do your parents do?" He stood up and pronounced, "My dad's dead and my mom's a hooker." Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Fifteen minutes later, he returned. "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" asked the teacher. Johnny replied, "Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, gave me an apple and asked for my address and phone number."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Linkable Midis http://norbert26.com/midi_1/index.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Likker Screen Saver 

Good morning,   !
Wednesday,  December 27, 2006

======================================

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues,
but the parent of all others.
--- Cicero

Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing
harmful can enter except by your promotion.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on
their first morning in Ski Camp. He was surprised to see
one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked,
"Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?"

The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother....?"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== HER SIDE OF THE STORY He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I love him and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the heck that meant, because you know he doesn't say it back or anything. We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else??? HIS SIDE OF THE STORY My team lost. Felt Kinda Tired. Got laid though. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to grinches December 24, 2006 - New York - AP There's nobody nice on this Christmas list: snowman stabbers, Grinch snatchers, wreath-robbing weasels. 'Tis the season for strange crimes by even stranger people, with police blotters expanding faster than a 6-year-old's wish list of gifts. David Allen Rodgers, 42, was arrested Dec. 3 for driving while intoxicated at the wheel of a float during the annual Christmas parade in Anderson, S.C. According to witnesses, Rodgers sped down Main Street in the Steppin' Out Dance Studio float with 19 people aboard, ran a red light and led police on a 3-mile chase. In Chicago, 32 plastic baby Jesus dolls were stolen from nativity scenes set up in people's front yards. The kidnappers then lined up all the dolls along the fence outside a Chicago woman's home; she rounded them up and turned them over to her parish priest. Similar creche crimes occurred in 35 cities from Fayateville, N.C., to Mission Viejo, Calif., according to The Catholic League, which tracks nativity vandalism. In Houghton, Mich., somebody stole an inflatable Grinch from outside an apartment complex. That was just one instance in the area's rash of seasonal thievery: Two brown plastic reindeer, a baby Jesus statue and several wreaths were also stolen. In Ohio's Hamilton County, a pair of 18-year-olds were arrested for using screwdrivers to stab an inflatable 12-foot-tall Frosty the Snowman. "Why me?" asked Frosty's owner, Matt Williquette. "And why Frosty?" The snowman had survived two previous stabbing attacks. Two other local teens were arrested in an unrelated incident where they allegedly smashed a car with a large decorative candy cane, causing $1,000 worth of damage. An Oklahoma woman was arrested after she visited the Delaware County Jail with a Christmas card for her incarcerated boyfriend. Police said the card held marijuana, leading to Dawn Smith's arrest. A real-life Grinch in Yonkers, N.Y., made off with $14,000 in staff bonuses and money from the office safe during a Christmas party, police said. Daniel Rios, 38, spent $7,500 in cash but returned about $6,500 in checks, authorities said. And then there's the case of the Santa Claus kidnapping. A motorcycle-riding Santa Claus with a stuffed Rudolph in his sidecar was arrested after allegedly grabbing an 8-year old girl from outside a South Carolina convenience store. John Michael Barton, 55, was in his Claus outfit filling his bike with gas when the girl's family stopped by the store. The girl's father then saw Barton speeding off with her. After a chase at speeds of up to 80 mph, Barton pulled over his motorcycle and turned over the girl, police said. Barton was arrested later in a nearby bar. ----------------------------- Usually little ol' Australia seems to match or beat the mighty US when it comes to wacky crimes and pranks. However, they have been very quiet lately. So it seems that these wacky crimes are not really Christmas related, but more due to the short daylight hours and are just Season's Greetings. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute." =========================================== Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road, when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood. The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again; this time he is crouched behind a tree stump. "My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," claims Little Red Riding Hood. Again, the surprised wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the path, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign. "My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood. With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost? I'm just trying to go to the bathroom!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Vi Re: Likker Screen Saver Dear Webby: My computer crashed again and Son-in-law ( David) took it home..... Christmas eve he and daughter Roberta gave me a new one...he was tired of trying to fix the (4years) old one. I hope this one will last until I get Eudora and DSL when we get moved to AR. in the Spring. Do me another favor, pretty please with sugar on it?? resend me "Likker" the kitty screensaver. It is missing from my folders along with all my Webshot pictures. David at least didn't delete my pictures from Family Tree Maker. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, just that I like what I save. I just saved your tree and the ornament you attached with it. lol Hugs, great granny Vi Dear Vi You can download likker.exe from http://webby.com/humor/likker.exe As for your webshot and other pictures, ask him to 1) Make a new folder in C:\ and label it JPG 2) Do a search for *.JPG and move all the JPG's that the computer finds into that new JPG folder. 3) Burn that folder onto one or more CD's. It's fast and easy, and can even be done from safe mode. They won't be sorted the way you had them, but all your JPG pictures will be on that CD. Then the same can be done for GIF, PPS, mwv, etc. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Michael Warren had a lot of lose. The 20-year-old Wintersville resident who once tipped the scales at more than 300 pounds lost 125 pounds in 18 months to pursue a career in law enforcement. He was sworn in as a deputy sheriff in Ohio County on Monday, two days after he married his high-school sweetheart of six and a half years. "I got a wedding ring and a badge, and I closed on a house in one weekend," Warren said. Before embarking on his journey to better fitness, Warren said, he couldn't do one push up and didn't have the endurance to run very far. Now he can do 30 push-ups and runs nearly every day, managing to clock 1.5 miles in under 16 minutes. He said his new wife Theresa, was the "angel on my shoulder" who helped him curb his urge to splurge. "I'm sure she whacked my hands a few times," he said Tuesday. With his wife's help, Warren said he limited his daily intake to no more than 30 grams of fat a day and worked up to running a mile or two every day, lifting weights and doing bench presses. Warren, a self-professed band geek, was studying music education at Cleveland State University when he decided to pursue a career in law enforcement. He transferred to the Weirton campus of West Virginia Northern Community College to study criminal justice before taking an internship with the Steubenville Police Department. Jim Tully, a criminal justice professor, said Warren excelled in the classroom. "He set the standard in every course," Tully said. "In class, he demonstrates leadership." Warren's wife said she is proud of her husband. "He didn't think he had the confidence, but he showed what can be done if you really want to do something," she said. Warren said he is in a job surrounded by people who are committed to fitness. There's no way he would ever slip back to the days when he ate just "to pass time," he said. "I'm happy to be where I am now."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save on Wrapping Paper The best time to buy cheap wrapping is just after Christmas. If you buy plain colors or less seasonal patterns the wrapping paper can be used year round for other gifts.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Morris sent his wife a message that he'd be home a day earlier than planned. Arriving at the house, he discovered his wife Sherry in bed with another man. Bitterly, Morris stormed out of the house, checked into a hotel, and planned a divorce action. His thoughts were interrupted by a call from his mother-in-law. She believed that there was no doubt a good explanation for her daughter's behavior. Morris told her to buzz off. The next day his mother-in-law called again. "Didn't I tell you?" she said. "Didn't I tell you there was a simple explanation? I just got through talking to Sherry your wife....... She never got your telegram! You should have used email! It's all YOUR fault!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree, and the pastor greets the family. "Pastor," Johnny says, "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust." "That's right, Johnny, I did," he says. "And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust." "Yes, I'm glad you were listening," the pastor replies. "Why do you ask?" "Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cookie Jar Collection http://cookiejarcollection.com/slideshow.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: What's a Clickbook ? 

Merry Christmas,   !
Tuesday,  December 26, 2006
Traditionally St Walmart's day, and recently also
Kwaanza, at least for politically correct Afro-Americans
in the USA, who want to extend the gift buying season
by a week beyond the Christmas Specials.
Happy Kwaanza!

======================================

Never go out to meet trouble. If you will just sit still,
in nine cases out of ten
someone will intercept it before it reaches you.
--- Calvin Coolidge

So many of our dreams at first seem impossible,
then they seem improbable, and then when we summon
the will, they soon become inevitable."
--- Christopher Reeve

Things could be worse. I could be one of my creditors.
---Henny Youngman

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Two caterpillars are sitting on a leaf when a butterfly
zooms by, startling them.

One turns to the other and says, "Boy, you'll never get ME
up in one of those things."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Barry Cooper, of Tyler, Texas December 22, 2006 - Tyler, Texas - AP A one-time Texas drug agent described by his former boss as perhaps the best narcotics officer in the country plans to market a how-to video on concealing drugs and fooling police. Barry Cooper, who has worked for small police departments in East Texas, plans to launch a Web site next week where he will sell his video, "Never Get Busted Again," the Tyler Morning Telegraph reported in its online edition Thursday. A promotional video says Cooper will show viewers how to "conceal their stash," "avoid narcotics profiling" and "fool canines every time." Cooper, who said he favors the legalization of marijuana, made the video in part because he believes the nation's fight against drugs is a waste of resources. Cooper said his Web site should be operating by Tuesday. As a drug officer, Cooper said, he made more than 800 drug arrests and seized more than 50 vehicles and $500,000 in cash and assets. "He was even better than he says he was," said Tom Finley, Cooper's former boss on a West Texas drug task force and now a private investigator in Midland. "He was probably the best narcotics officer in the state and maybe the country during his time with the task force." News of the video has angered authorities, including Richard Sanders, an agent with the Tyler Drug Enforcement Agency. Sanders said he plans to investigate whether the video violates any laws. Smith County Deputy Constable Mark Waters, a narcotics officer, said the video is insulting to law enforcement officials. "This is a slap in the face to all that we do to uphold the laws and keep the public safe," he said. ------------------------------------------------- Double Bonehead: 1) Guess which places the cops are going to check first, once the video is out? 2) Telling th 800 or so people that he busted, exactly where his office is, might not be such a smart idea, especially considering that he probably won't get very enthusiastic help from the current cops. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== hanks to my dad for sending this picture. ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A state trooper notices a car weaving in the road, and when he pulls it over a beautiful woman gets out. She is clearly under the influence, but just to make sure he gives her the breathalyzer test. Sure enough, she's over the limit, so the trooper says, "Madam, you've had a couple of stiff ones. "Oh," says the lady, "it shows that too?" =========================================== Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally the 10 year old said to her younger sister, "Well you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill farmer Re: ClickBook Dear Webby: I might buy one if I knew what a clickbook is - any help? Bill Dear Bill ClickBook is printer software. Once you install it, you can print stuff in about 170 different formats,from day-planners to posters. You just hit PRINT and then select for example "Folded Paperback". It then re-formats whatever you plan to print, runs all the front sides, then tells you to drop the printed stack down into the input tray again, and prints the back sides. When done, you just fold it, and you have a paperback book size booklet, all correctly collated and ready for stapling. That way you have smaller, easier to read pages, and save 75% on paper and on ink. You don't have to worry about what page goes onto the back side of page 1 or beside page 15. It does all that for you. All you do is select the format. I use it for all e-books. Instead of a stack of loose papers, I have nice, paperback size booklets that are easy to stand on the shelf like any other books, and are of course a LOT more manageable for reading on a plane or in a car. I also print out warranties and manuals the same way. "Folded Paperback" is just one out of about 170 different formats that you can choose from. It's not just e-books that you can print, but EVERYTHING. ClickBook doesn't care if the stuff to be printed originated in email, a spreadsheet, word processor, web page, paint program, whatever. It just intercepts the print jobs and formats them the way you want them. And when you want to print normal, full size, you simply select the normal printer. CTRL P brings up the Print dialog, and you hit OK to print with your default printer or select ClickBook. In that dialog box it appears as if it was a different printer. If you choose it, you get to choose the format, and then you hit OK. Probably sounds complicated the way I describe it, but it's actually quite simple and straightforward. You can order it from the link in the side menu, where I have had it amongst the essentials for ages, or with this shortcut: ClickBook http://webby.com/clickbook Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 17, 2006 - Sussex, UK -BBC News A 91-year-old man from East Sussex has become the oldest person in Britain to go paragliding, according to his son. Reg Rose-Innes, from Beddingham, flew above Devil's Dyke in Sussex for a 20-minute flight at 800ft (243m). He said after the tandem flight: "It was marvellous being up in the air. It was a gorgeous view and lovely day." Mr Rose-Innes' son, Crispin, 57, said: "We thought it would be a wonderful opportunity for my father to have a go before he bites the bullet." The 91-year-old added that his son, Crispin, "pushed me into it." Crispin Rose-Innes, who has been paragliding with his wife for seven years, said his father was "most definitely the oldest person in Britain to have ever flown in a paraglider". Pilot Owen Latham said Mr Rose-Innes had watched paragliders out of his kitchen window for the past 20 years and had always thought about doing it. "It just shows that the sport is open to all ages. I think it's amazing," he said. Asked if he would repeat today's flight, Mr Rose-Innes, a retired grassland ecologist, said: "If I get a chance. If people can put up with doddery old men trying to fly. It was terrific."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Label Boxes of Decorations Be sure to label your boxes of Christmas decorations and try to be as detailed as possible. This could save you time next Christmas if you decide you don't want to use all your decorations but just select some items.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Sadie and Yetta, two widows, are talking: Sadie: "That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Yetta: "Vell.... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. An like such a mench he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from. Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but such a beautiful car.....a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for a dinner.....Marvelous dinner. Lobster even. Den ve go see a show....let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much I could just die from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment, and into an ANIMAL he turns. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me, two times he does!" Sadie: "Oy! Vey...so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Yetta: "No... I'm just saying that if you go, wear an old dress...." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== The suave Central American diplomat was talking to the prim and proper Washington hostess. "In my country," he said, "the most popular of all activities is making love." Shocked, the wide eyed hostess said, "Oh!! Isnt that revolting!" "No," the diplomat said. "That's our second favorite activity...."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Christmas in Antarctica http://www.cvc.org/christmas/antarctica.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Sand Pillow 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  December 23, 2006
======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got mine and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
_________________________________________

The secret of joy in work is contained in one word -
excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it.
--- Pearl S. Buck

Economics is extremely useful as a form of
employment for economists.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith

A husband is like a fire,
he goes out when unattended.
--- Evan Esar

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices
that one of the items for sale is a large parrot.
He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it
comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding
proceeds hot and heavy with someone always
bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot
is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes
to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer,
"Can the bird talk?"

The auctioneer replied,
"Who do you think was bidding against you...?"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== This woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone." The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? My goodness, how big was it?" Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dawn E. Smith, 44, of Grove, Oklahoma Free Christmas dinner for her December 18, 2006 - Jay, Oklahoma - AP Police arrested a woman after finding marijuana in a Christmas card she tried to give her jailed boyfriend. Dawn E. Smith, 44, of Grove, was arrested in connection with the incident at the Delaware County Jail. She is accused of trying to distribute a controlled substance and bringing a controlled substance into a jail. Her boyfriend, Steven McRae Jones, 26, pleaded guilty on Nov. 1 to charges that he repeatedly rammed Smiths car and took a swing at the arresting officer. He is awaiting transport to the Department of Corrections, where he will serve four years. Dawn Smith will likely spend a similar amount of time in jail. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Santa training for Sunday night ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== The young lady said to Grandpa, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you put your hand in front of your mouth." "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???" =========================================== A synagogue honors its Rabbi for a quarter-century of service by sending him to Hawaii on a well-deserved vacation, all expenses paid. The President of the synagogue decides that in addition to the trip, the Rabbi should have fun and he makes arrangements to have a call-girl available for the Rabbi at all times. When the Rabbi walks into his hotel room, there is this nude girl lying on the bed and she informs the Rabbi that she is his at any time during his vacation. The Rabbi, stunned and extremely embarrassed, demands to know who arranged this little situation, and of course, the girl is compelled to tell him. The Rabbi immediately picks up the phone, calls the synagogue, and gets through to the President of the congregation. 'Where is your respect'? he growls. 'How could you do something like this?' 'I must be held in high esteem by each and every member of this congregation. As your Rabbi, I am very, very angry with you!' As he continues to berate the President, the girl rises sheepishly from the bed, not wanting to further embarrass the Rabbi. As she stands, the Rabbi says 'Where the heck are you going? ....I'm not mad at you!' ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: More camera rests There is another type of camera rest that I have used quite a bit and that you can quickly make as a Christmas gift. It's called a Sand Pillow. Find an old, scuffed leather purse about 3" x 4" or a bit smaller. Fill it with dry sand or uncooked rice or corn meal. Avoid shiny patent leather. Ideal is limp old suede. A short length of sleeve from an old motorcycle jacket works quite nicely too. Sew or glue it shut permanently. A sand pillow like that works beautifully on a car roof, rocks, wood, anything. You can nestle the camera into the pillow and it will hold it steady enough for even the longest zoom shots. Any serious photographer will definhitely appreciate a sand pillow as a Christmas gift and keep it around longer than the current camera. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Bakersfield.com News Alert KHSD to change winter and spring breaks to Christmas and Easter breaks Kern High School District trustees voted 4-1 Thursday morning to change the names of winter and spring breaks to Christmas and Easter breaks. Trustees Ken Mettler, Chad Vegas, Bryan Batey and Joel Heinrichs voted in favor of the name change. Board president Bob Hampton voted against it. Mettler and Vegas said they voted for the name change to uphold American tradition. “Christmas is a federal holiday,” Mettler said. “It can certainly be recognized at the Kern High School District level.” Batey said he voted in favor of the change for many reasons including that he believes it has wide community support. Heinrichs hesitated and said he was torn before the vote. He said he ultimately voted in favor of the change so the community could move on to other educational issues. “It is a reasonable accommodation of tradition and less distracting for students in the long term,” Heinrichs said after the vote. -------------------------------- And I bet none of them were willing to give up the statutory Christmas Day holiday pay.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Liquor Store Boxes Visit your local liquor store and see if they have any boxes to spare. They almost always do. Pick out some boxes with cardboard dividers which are used for shipping bottles. These boxes are great for storing and protecting breakable ornaments. Save your tissue paper and wrapping paper from presents to wrap your ornaments before putting them in the box. Christmas time is when they have the biggest pile of boxes and a good time to stock up on clean, sturdy boxes.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Dear Webby, Thank you for the humor letter. The hints are great about the computers. Love the pictures and the jokes. Keep up the good work. Merry Chritmas and a very Happy New Year, Shirley -------------------- Dear Webby, Your "Scared of Santa" extra today did me in. I was crying from laughing so hard. Some of the Santas are funnier than the kids. Thanks for a good laugh. Carol --------------------- There were lot more letters and many Christmas cards. I only got room for two here, but want to thank all of you! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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