Dear Webby: Resale Rights 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  January 17, 2007
======================================

"It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes
to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently."
--- Warren Buffett

=======================================

How can you easily determine how much dirt
there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at
one end and two feet deep at the other end,
and four feet wide at one end and two feet
wide at the other end?

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Tim for this one:
My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas.

The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a
Western or English saddle, and she asked what the
difference was.

He told her one had a horn and other one didn't, she replied,
"The one without the horn is fine.  I don't expect we'll run
into too much traffic out here."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award goes to Kenneth Ellingson, 37, of Missoula, Montana Not a Cat Burglar, maybe Pig ? January 13, 2007 - Missoula, Montana - AP A 280-pound man who tried to break into a craft and hobby store by crawling in through a cooling duct got stuck and died, authorities said. The Missoula County coroner's office identified the man as Kenneth Ellingson, 37, of Missoula, and said the cause of death was positional asphyxiation. The owner of the Treasure Chest hobby store arrived for work around 8:30 a.m. and called 911 when he found the store had no electricity and the phone was out, said police Lt. Mike Brady. "In the course of looking into what happened, officers found the phone lines had been cut and the power to the building had been tampered with," Brady said. "They also found a ladder leaning against the back of the business and used it to get access to the roof." There, they found Ellingson wedged headfirst in a cooling duct, Brady said. Authorities said the 6-foot-tall, 280 pound man got stuck in an L-shaped portion of the duct probably around 3 a.m. or 4 a.m. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Arturas for this picture: Lithuanian air conditioner installers ===========================================
Get ready for Valentines Day
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?" "I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the same thing?" =========================================== A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat. After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry Davis, could you please tell me what room I am in?" "Certainly, sir" said the clerk. "You're in the lobby." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mannie Re: What are "Resale Rights" ? Dear Webby, I have seen that phrase a lot lately, and now I see it even in your side menu. What are these "Resale rights" about ? Tks Mannie Dear Mannie Normally, when you buy a book or e-book or software, the author retains the copyright, and you go to jail or get a discouragingly big fine if you sell copies. However, some people want to get their message out far and wide, but they don't have a Multi Billion Dollar advertising budget like promoters of certain books. So they condense their books so that they are short enough for anybody's attention span, and they sell them cheap, for example for $5. Then, to further spread their books, they let each buyer sell copies to her or his friends and acquaintances, and make a bit of money. Usually they even provide nice sales pages customized for the reseller, so that all the reseller has to worry about is having a PayPal account to receive their money. What's in it for the author? Her or his name is spread a lot farther, and sometime in the future she or he can cash in on that fame by selling a slightly more expensive book. Will you get insanely rich by reselling some book? That depends entirely on how many you sell. If you sold five Million by Thursday, you would have twentyfive Million bucks in your PayPal account by the weekend. Yeah, right. But if you sell one to aunt Bertha, and a dozen to the people at work, and another dozen to the people to whom you forward jokes, that puts $125 into your account. Not bad for a $5 investment. Can you give somebody a free copy? No. When you buy it, you agree not to do that. You get reSELL rights, not give-away rights. In addition to that, if somebody just has a donated copy but has not paid their $5, then they don't get the sales page with THEIR PayPal button. In summary, it's not a get rich quick scheme, but a very low investment way to make grocery money or put gas into your tank, or to upgrade to a faster Internet connection. If you can afford to invest $5, go for it! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 12, 2007 - Yonkers, New York - AP A homeowner used a kitchen fire extinguisher to beat back an intruder before catching him early Thursday, police said. The homeowner woke up around 1:30 a.m. when he heard a man banging on the kitchen door and fumbling with the doorknob while trying to get in, police said. When the homeowner opened the door to see who was there, the man barged in. The homeowner, fearing for the safety of his wife and children upstairs, grabbed the fire extinguisher, sprayed the intruder with foam, smacked him over the head and held him on the floor, said police, who arrested the thug and took him to a hospital. The intruder, who was treated for minor injuries, was scheduled to be arraigned late Thursday in Yonkers City Court on a felony charge of second-degree attempted burglary, police said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Zippers on Sofa Cushions Food Lost During a Power Outage If you have homeowners insurance, food that has to be thrown out during a power outage may be covered by your policy. Check with your insurance company to be sure. Some insurance policies will cover up to $500.00 per appliance if you provide a general list of what was lost and its replacement value. Your annual insurance cost for the following 20 years will usually go up by the amount you claimed.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, if you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Wild Things http://www.wildthingsphotography.com/de ... =&pass
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Upside Down Video 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  January 16, 2007
======================================

The only thing that separates successful people from the
ones who aren't is the willingness to work very very hard.
--- Helen Gurley Brown

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.
--- John Lubbock

=======================================

Thanks to Rick A for sending this report:

Why God Made Moms
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following
questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.

2. Mostly to clean the house.

3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me.
He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and
everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they
mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mom?

1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's
moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would
be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she
married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook?
Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to
drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world.
And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because
dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the
stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more
to do than dad.

What's the difference between Moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home & dads just go
to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Moms have all the real
power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep
over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without
medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think
some kind of plastic surgery would help..
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean.
I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my
sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes
on the back of her head.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

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Thanks to Roland for this story:
Ruth is in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for  breakfast.
Roland walks in.

Ruth turns and says, "You've got to make  love to me this
very moment."

Roland's eyes light up and he thinks, "This is my lucky  day."
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraces her and then
gives her his best effort on the kitchen table.

Afterwards Ruth says, "Thanks," and returns to the  stove.

More than a little puzzled, Roland asks,
"What was that all  about?"

Ruth explains, "The egg timer's broken."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Xu Jun, Shanghai, China Can't take a joke January 13, 2007 - Shanghai, China - AP A Shanghai tea house whose name translates roughly as "Frog Keeps a Mistress" has been deemed a threat to public morality and told to get a new moniker, local media said Friday. The "Qingwa Bao Ernai" shop was violating China's advertising law, the Shanghai Daily and other newspapers said, citing a local commercial bureau official, Xu Jun. "The name is also against social morality and common ethics," Xu was quoted as saying, adding the change was needed to "purify the city's ad markets." The shop had no listed phone number, although a manager identified in the reports only by his surname, Li, was quoted as saying the name was meant to be funny, not risque. Despite rising wealth and sophistication, Shanghai remains highly conservative in politics and culture and its communist leaders are quick to crack down on ads, art exhibits or media seen as exceeding the vaguely drawn limits. The move also underscores extreme sensitivity over the widespread practice of keeping mistresses, particularly among government officials who have been ordered by the party to declare any such liaisons. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Arturas for this picture: Lithuanian Snow Man, this year. ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A college kid goes to library and checks out a book called, "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia =========================================== During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb. When Bubba asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him. "Does your dog have a license?" he asked. "No way," Bubba said, "Ol' Blue don't need none. He's too old to drive." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Renae Re: Upside Down Video Dear Webby, I'm new to your ezine but I want to let you know that I am enjoying it very much. Now I have a question for you. About a week ago my mother called and said her computer was upside down. I sent my husband over and he found the desktop was upside down. The wallpaper was upside down and the icons were upside down and in the bottom right corner. He didn't know what to do for it so he solved the problem by picking up the monitor and turning it over making everything appear right-side-up. Any suggestions how to solve this problem? Renae Dear Renae In the old days of Windows 3 and before, there used to be a lot of TSR prank programs that we used to put on coworkers machines. With those you could set a trigger key, for example SHIFT Q. Nothing happened until the user hit SHIFT Q during their normal typing. When they did, then three seconds later the video flipped upside down. Other TSR's flippd the screen sideways, some had letters dropping out of the text and accumulating in a pile at the bottom of the screen, and one even had a cute little gopher popping at random spots out of the page. However, those harmless fun days are gone and I have not seen any of those TSRs for ten years or more. Your mother can try opening a new text document and then hitting every key on the keyboard one after the other, to see if one of them toggles the video back to normal, just to rule out that possibility. Within Windows XP, certain video drivers or graphics card chipsets supporting 180 degree screen rotation can cause the Windows XP display to be presented upside down. This can be (but is not always) tied to lowering the screen resolution in some accessibility programs. To revert to a right-side up display, hold down the CTRL, ALT and UP (arrow) keys. If CTRL ALT UP does not help, increase the screen resolution. From what I read, this problem is very rare and only occurs in the coarse resolutions. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 12, 2007 - Oslo, Norway - Canadian Press Thirty-six years of suffering a guilty conscience finally proved too much for a German man who shoplifted from a small store while on vacation in Norway in 1970. Seeking to make amends, he sent a cheque for the equivalent of C$380 to the small mountain town of Lom, and asked them to find the shopkeeper, Mayor Simen Bjoergen said on the town's website Thursday. "For many years, my conscience has bothered me. With the enclosed cheque, I hope to free myself from that and request your help," wrote the German, whose name was not released. "I would also like to ask for forgiveness for the wrong I did so long ago." In the letter, the man said he had been travelling in Scandinavia with his young brother and girlfriend, now his wife, when they stopped in Lom, a town of about 2,300 people 250 kilometres north of Oslo. He said he shoplifted about 40 German marks or the equivalent of C$30 worth of items from a local store, which he recalled only as "a souvenir shop with a big parking lot." He asked Bjoergen to find the shop owner and give him the cheque, and if that was not possible to use the money for a good cause. Bjoergen finally found retired 78-year-old shop owner Gabriel Lund, who owned the Fjoset gift shop in 1970, and gave him the cheque. In a letter to the German, the Mayor said Lund asked him to say "that he forgives you" and that he had given the money to the local retirement home to do something nice for its residents.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Zippers on Sofa Cushions Many people make the mistake of assuming that the zipper on sofa cushion covers is so you can remove it and toss it in the washing machine. Look for a tag on the cushion for cleaning instructions. Most cushion covers will shrink if you launder them like you would sheets or clothing, leaving them unusable.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, I have placed an order for it just yesterday." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" And the clerk said, "Robberies at the ATM machine." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Thanks to Lisa for this story: Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the elegant home of an older couple. Among other duties, I had to dust their many imported carvings and petrified collectibles as well as pick up after their pets. One day I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying on the floor beside the bookcase. I quickly picked them up and put them back on the shelf. The next week the same thing happened. That afternoon my employer came into the parlor, her faithful canine behind her. Looking around, she eyed the bookcase. "Tricky," she asked the dog, "how in the world do you keep getting your bones up there...?" ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Rescue data from crashed computer 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  January 15, 2007
======================================

Walk away from the 97% crowd. Don't use their excuses.
Take charge of your own life."
--- Jim Rohn

It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true
that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually
attracted by other things than power.
--- David Brin

=======================================

"I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the
overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three
hundred pounds.

"I don't want you to swallow them.  Just spill them on the
floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer.
For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after
the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo.

The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated
words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us some e-mail. "

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a joking bride in Steyr, Austria January 2007 - Vienna, Austria - Newsday Wedding jokes aren't always funny. When a bride in Austria jokingly answered "no" instead of "yes" when asked if she wanted to marry her husband-to-be, the official performing the civil wedding promptly broke off the ceremony. Not even the bride's sobs could reverse the decision and the couple had to wait two and a half months before they could give it another -- successful -- try, the Austrian newspaper Oberoesterreichischen Nachrichten reported Friday. Officials at the registry office in the city of Steyr where the mishap occurred declined to comment directly but noted the incident was highly unusual, according to the newspaper. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Bubba's Fishing Catameran ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== There was a zebra who had lived her entire life in a zoo and was getting on a bit in age so the zoo keeper decided as a treat that she could spend her final years in bliss on a farm. The zebra was so excited, she got to see this huge space with green grass and hill and trees and all these strange animals. She saw a big fat weird looking brown thing and ran up to it very excited, Hi, I'm a zebra. What are you? I'm a cow. Right, right. What do you do? I make milk for the farmer. Cool. The zebra then saw this funny looking little white thing and ran over to it. Hi, I'm a zebra. What are you? I'm a chicken. Oh, right. What do you do? I make eggs for the farmer. Right, great, see ya round. Then the zebra saw this very handsome beast that looked almost exactly like her without the stripes. She ran over to it and said, Hi, I'm a zebra. What are you? I am a stallion, said the horse. Wow, said the zebra. What do you do? Take off your pajamas, darling, and I'll show you. =========================================== An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened. He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of chocolate cake." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: DiAnne Re: Rescue data from crashed computer Dear Webby, I like your newsletter & photos and read it everyday. I have never written to you, but, I thought you might have an opinion about my latest problem. My desktop crashed or I got the "terrible" blue screen with a warning code. nvd.displ. I could run in safe mode, but, now I just get a black screen and it freezes when I try to go to safe mode. My Dell is only 4 years old. I am not sure what the problem is yet, but, I called Dell support and of course in touch with a barely speaking English person from who knows where. What I was told was to hit F12 and then told it what it said, also I was asked if I had 4 green lights on the back. I was then ask if I had downloaded anything. I did download 2 days prior to the crash a free version of Quick Books from Intuit. I was then told by Dell Tech that I did not have a hardware problem, it was corrupted software. So I was told to find all my CDs and call them back. They told me I would lose anything I had put on the computer all my e-mail messages and folders (Of course, I knew that & and I had backup somethings, but, not my e-mail saved folders - I don't know how). I told them there had to be a better solution and the tech said I could find a local tech and get my hard drive backup at my expense. Then call them back. I do have a Dell warranty through 2008. So, I was just curious as to your opinion on what they told me and any suggestions. And, do you really think the Quick Books I downloaded did the dirty deed? I am now communicating through my laptop and wireless. Thanks for your time, Di Anne Dear Di Anne I have never heard of QuickBooks causing a problem. Just get a $15-$35 3.5" IDE USB2 hard drive enclosure. Check Pricegrabber.com for a source near you or buy it on-line. Then set the jumper on your old drive as slave drive, put your old drive into that enclosure and plug the cable into your laptop. Even if the old drive doesn't boot, it will still have the data. Copy anything worth keeping onto the laptop. You'll have to contact Incredimail support to find out how to find and back up the mail. I have never used that program and am not familiar with it. However, with a bit of searching, I am sure you will be able to find your Incredimail data. Check and see if the old drive is too full, and do some weeding out. You should have at least 4 times the RAM space free. If the desktop has 1 GB of RAM, keep at least 4 GB drive space free. If you have DisKeeper, defragment the old drive. Don't waste time with the Windows defrag. If necessary, get DisKeeper from the left side of the HumorLetter or from http://webby.com/diskeeper . Then re-set the jumper to the master position and put the old drive back into the desktop machine. Try if it works. If not, call DELL and let them step you through whatever procedure they had in mind. Quite possibly that procedure is to first try re-installing Windows from the CD, and if that does not work, to format the drive and then installing Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 5, 2007 - Taiwan - AP Scientists in Taiwan have developed a simple, five-gene test aimed at showing which lung cancer patients most need chemotherapy, as similar tests now do for people with breast cancer and lymphoma. The experimental test needs to be validated in larger groups of patients, so widespread use is perhaps a few years away. However, it's already winning praise for its possible use in everyday hospital settings instead of in limited situations by people with special genetics training.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing Tweezers Have your tweezers flattened out and lost their spring? Close the tweezers with a pencil placed halfway between the hinge and the points to increase the bend. Then they should grip again. To sharpen tweezers, use a double sided, super fine diamond grit nailfile or fine sand paper folded over. First trim the nose or point so that you don't see any more reflections from nicks or rounding off. Then hold the file gently with the tweezers and push the file so that it smoothly goes to the joint of the tweezers. The less wobble, the fewer strokes it takes. Don't use any pressure at all on the return stroke, and only very light pressure on the forward stroke. Parting and bending should be done after the sharpening. Have FUN DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
From Lynn: Dear Webby, could you please run that Toddler's Diet joke again? Thanks, Lynn Sure. Here it is: THE TODDLER DIET You folks with toddlers should relate to this one! Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days, or go right back to stuffing their faces after it is all over. Is there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends you have a gland problem? Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a glass of water and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason. After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught Moms, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet, however, be sure to check with your doctor -- otherwise, you might have to see him afterward. Good luck! DAY ONE Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest). Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi. Bedtime snack: Toast a piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor. DAY TWO Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug. Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon. DAY THREE Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair. Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. FINAL DAY Breakfast: A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of Cornflakes, add a half cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Lunch: Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it. Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Wheat Weaving http://www.wheatweaving.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Desktop Appearance and icon sizing 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  January 14, 2007
======================================

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive
and all the impersonators would be dead.
--- Johnny Carson

The truth does not change according to
our ability to stomach it.
--- Flannery O'Connor

=======================================

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho", and
went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through
the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation:

"Say, look at that big bunch of buffalos."

The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch' but 'herd'."

"Heard what?"

"Herd of buffalos."

"Sure, I've heard of buffalos. There's a big bunch of 'em
right over there."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle
ranch, and finally made enough money to buy his dream spread
in Wyoming.
"So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend
when he flew out to visit

"We had a heck of a time," admitted the new cowboy."Couldn't
agree on anything. We finally settled on the Double R Lazy L
Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch."
"Wow!" his friend was impressed. "So where are all the cows?"

"When they saw that branding iron, they all ran away."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kymberly Smith, 38, of Burlington, CT January 3, 2007 - Farmington, Connecticut - AP A Burlington woman has been charged with trying to obtain painkillers from a drug store by using her dog's name. Kymberly Smith, 38, faces more than two dozen charges related to her alleged repeated attempts to fraudulently obtain painkillers at a Farmington pharmacy under her dog's name. Police said Smith is charged with using her dog Zack's name to get Hydrocodone, which is marketed under several names including Vicodin. Simsbury police said Smith was also arrested in June after she was allegedly caught calling in a fraudulent prescription for the same drug. Farmington police said Smith was a veterinary technician for several area veterinarians when she began using their ID number to call in prescriptions for herself under the name "Zack Smith." She turned herself in Dec. 29 and was released after posting bond. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: More colorful weeds from Sandie's back yard ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the ..., in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys." =========================================== "What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your incredible sense of humor." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rose Re: Wrong icon size Dear Webby, I hope you can help me one more time. After getting my computer back from the repair shop all my " Icons " and everything on the computer is double in size, how can I get things back to normal. Thank you Rose Dear Rose Let's hope and assume that the computer is not stuck in safe mode. Right-click on the desktop Properties Settings move the slider to the right. I set mine at 1600 x 1200 and the color quality at Highest (32 bit) If that makes the icons too small, Right-click on the desktop Properties Appearance Advanced and in there set the icon sizes and font sizes for everything. Also make sure you call the owner of that repair shop and tell her or him that you were not impressed with the unprofessional set-up. Unless they know about stuff like that, they won't get help or training for their staff. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 28, 2007 - Pensacola, Florida - AP When the bikes Dennis and Tamie Leporin bought themselves for Christmas to ride with their young son disappeared from their front lawn, the couple posted a sign to let the thieves know their disappointment. "I hope U crooks enjoy our bikes U stole; Merry X-Mas," the sign read. The next evening the couple heard a knock at their door and found an envelope with $200 inside. A pickup truck was driving away. "Inside was a note that read, 'For every crook, there are 1,000 good people'," Dennis Leporin told the Pensacola News Journal. "I thought it was awesome. We moved here from St. Louis, and folks just don't do that in St. Louis," he said. Tamie Leporin said she and her husband were concentrating so much on the theft that they forgot about the true meaning of Christmas, until they were reminded by the kindness of strangers. "We just wish there was some way we could thank them," she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cellphones for Less Last month I was in the market for a new cellphone and a new cellphone carrier so I went online looking for the best deal. For various reasons I was unable to complete an order online and ended up going directly to a Cingular store (one managed by Cingular). They matched the deal I found online plus gave me an addition rebate on each phone. They were also able to transfer my existing numbers, something that was not allowed with the online retailers offer. By Fisher
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
"I've got to get to the doctor and renew my prescription of birth control pills. I can't afford to get pregnant!" said Rita to Nina. "But I thought you said your husband had a vasectomy," Nina responded. "He did. That's why I can't afford to get pregnant." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Galaxies http://www.noao.edu/outreach/aop/observers/galaxy.html Amazing what kinda stuff is buzzing around above my roof!
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Dual Subscription 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  January 13, 2007
======================================

The power of intuitive understanding will protect you from
harm until the end of your days.
--- Lao Tzu
(There are no women on his planet)

=======================================

Isaac bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
His friend Morris said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty
4-Wheel drive vehicles."

"Yes, that she did," he replied.
"But where in the world was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to
take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In
court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" said the
lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just
loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the ..."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the
question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'"

Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was
driving down the road ..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway
Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after
the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and
said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
favorite mule Bessie."

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just
loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her
down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign
and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and
Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want
to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew
she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after, a Highway
Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning,
so he went over to her. After he looked at her then he took out his gun
and shot her between the eyes.

"Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and
looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot
her. How are you feeling?'"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to January 4, 2007 - Sydney, Australia - Reuters An Australian bank has apologized for issuing a credit card to a cat after its owner decided to test the bank's identity security system. The Bank of Queensland issued a credit card to Messiah the cat when his owner Katherine Campbell applied for a secondary card on her account under its name. "I just couldn't believe it. People need to be aware of this and banks need to have better security," Campbell told local media on Thursday. The bank said the cat's card had been cancelled. "We apologies as this should not have happened," it said in a statement. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for these pictures: ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Talk about having second thoughts upon choosing a place to eat. I went into this place in Abilene Texas and said to the waitress, "I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse." She smiled, handed me a menu and replied, "Well... you've come to the right place." =========================================== Two American women stop at an inexpensive pension in Paris. When they get to the room, they find they have only one chair, so one asks the bellboy to bring them another. Unfortunately, the bellboy can't understand a word of English, and neither of the young women can speak French. To solve the problem, one of the women points to the only chair in the room, then tries to pantomime sitting down in an imaginary chair. With a knowing smile, the bellboy bows and motions for her to follow him. At the end of the corridor, he stops, smiles, and bows again. Then he points triumphantly to the door of the ladies' room. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Keith Re: Dual Subscription Dear Webby, I have been receiving two copies of each day's letter. I still wish to receive the daily letter, but only one copy. Thanks, Keith Dear Keith Down near the bottom you will see the email address that the subscription is for. You probably have two different subscriptions funneling to the same address. Pick the one that you don't want to keep, and hit the unsubscribe line for it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 2, 2007 - Summerville, South Carolina - AP A private sanctuary on the edge of this Lowcountry town is home to 26 gibbons rescued from poor zoo situations, medical experimental facilities or private pet collections. The sanctuary, off limits to the public, can never release its rescued primates into the wild because they have spent their lives in captivity. However, the International Primate Protection League, based here, does support international charities that preserve primates in their natural environments. The league, which has representatives in 31 countries, received more than $1.1 million in donations this year and gave away about $200,000. It recently sent about $100,000 to primate rescue centers in Africa, Asia and South America. It keeps only enough funds ($900,000) to operate the sanctuary, where gibbons live in wired enclosures with runs and 30-foot towers made of corn cribs. One resident gibbon is 50-year-old Igor, whose former years in a laboratory left him a psychological mess, said Sharon Strong, a league worker.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Creating Quality Home Movies When making home movies of your family be sure to keep the camera steady. Camera work that moves violently is very difficult to watch. When moving the camera, pan as slowly as possible and avoid zooming quickly or too often.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Leroy was in court charged with parking in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defense. "They shouldn't put up such misleading notices," said the guy. "The sign said 'FINE FOR PARKING HERE'." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Thanks to Lois for this story: I thought I had finally found a way to convince Susan, my continually harried friend, that she needed to find ways to relax. I invited her to dinner and, while I was busy cooking, she agreed to watch my videotape on stress management and relaxation techniques. Fifteen minutes later, she came into the kitdchen and handed me the tape. "It was good," she said, "but I don't need it." "But it's a 70-minute video," I replied. "You couldn't have watched the whole thing." "Yes, I did," Susan assured me. "I put it on fast-forward." ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Set File Types 


Good Morning,  !
Friday,  January 11, 2007
Wear something red to show your support to the troops!
======================================


The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who
can do him absolutely no good.
---  Ann Landers


He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult
to make his words good.
--- Confucius


=======================================


Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to
give a few of your loudest screams?"


Patient: "Why, Doc? I didn't feel a thing!"


Dentist: "I know, but there are so many people in the waiting
room right now, and I don't want to miss the five o'clock foot-
ball game."


======================================


Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!


===========================================


Andy was reading the paper while his son was doing homework
on the opposite side of the table.
"Dad", his son asked, "how many people work in the Government?"


Without looking up, Andy responded: "Oh, about half of them."


===========================================


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Public and Commercial Services Union in England Worried about becoming efficient January 6, 2007 - UK - Ananova Black tape is being stuck on civil servants' desks to show them where to put their keyboard and pens - at a cost of £7million. Union officials slammed the efficiency drive as "madness" and added: "It's demoralising and demeaning." Workers at the National Insurance offices in Longbenton, North Tyneside, were picked for the pilot project. The Public and Commercial Services Union's Kevin McHugh said: "This office has been open for 60 years and people have managed to find their pens and staplers without consultants helping them in that time. The black-tape project is part of the nationwide Lean programme, run by consultants Unipart, which has already required staff to move their personal belongings off desks. The PCSU said: "We had a situation in Scotland where staff were asked, 'Is that banana on your desk active or inactive?' meaning were they going to eat it? If not, it had to be cleared away. It's madness." But a HM Revenue and Customs spokesman said: "Lean is all about how we can work more efficiently to deliver an even better service to customers." ----------------------------------------- It's not a matter of eventually finding a stapler, but of finding it in a reasonable time. And correct keyboard placement makes the difference between carpal tunnel syndrome or not. It seems to me the PCSU is just worried that, if efficiency breaks out in British government offices, half of their members would be out of work. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for these pictures: A horse race had to be abandoned after an angry flock of seagulls attacked riders. Five jockeys were dismounted when gulls interrupted the 5.20pm Goldenway Handicap at Sandown Races in Melbourne, Australia. The gulls seemingly panicked and flew directly at the horses, causing five to shed their riders and the rest to scatter. ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on." The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too..." ------------------------- That reminds me of a landing in Burwash in the Yukon in 71. Burwash is at the end of Kluane Lake, beside Kluane National Park. Very scenic. Also the worlds windiest airport. There was a short dirt taxi-way and parking area between the gravel runway and the occasionally staffed airport building. We used an old Piper Cub to get from there to Tincup Lake, where another guy and me were pretending to be carpenters and built a big fishing lodge without anybody ever catching on that we were learning carpentry as we went. We stayed in tents at Tincup Lake and once a week flew out to Burwash for hot showers and a meal that we did not have to poach, to pick up nails and other supplies, and to flirt at the waitresses. Top speed of the old souped up Cub was about 85 miles per hour when the tank was near empty. This one day the wind was 80, gusting to 90. Just before Burwash our route was near the Alaska Highway. Cars on the highway below sure looked fast whenever we were drifting backwards! When we finally got to the airport, we realized that there was just no way we would be able to taxi from the runway across the wind over to the parking area without getting flipped sideways. Gerry, who was just as crazy as me, hovered over the taxi way like a tethered kite and slowly forced the plane down to the tiedowns. The tiedowns were 55 gallon drums filled with cast iron engine blocks and old batteries. When we were low enough, I climbed out onto the wing to wheel support strut, and while hanging on with one hand and one leg, fished for the rope on the first barrel. After a few tries I got hold of it and cinched down the left wing. With the engine still running at full blast, I clambered over to the other side, being careful not to touch the ground and taking any weight off the little plane, and finally tied down that side, just before we ran out fuel. After climbing out, Gerry tied the stick to the seat, -yes, the front had a real seat, not just a cooler-, so that the wind forced the tail down. Then we carried a couple of 10 gallon drums filled with concrete and chains over to the tail to tie it down. It's amazing how fast you can run while carrying those drums, when you are in a hurry and you have an 80 mile per hour wind at your back! The waitresses in Burwash didn't want us to fly back that night and managed to persuade us to spend the night. By morning the wind had slowed down considerably, but we didn't need the real runway. The width of the taxi strip was plenty. =========================================== A group of friends who prided themselves on their intelligence set out to have a contest of wits. Each person in turn asked a question, and anyone who volunteered an answer that was wrong dropped out. If no one could answer,the questioner himself had to answer, and if he was wrong,he dropped out. Each dropout had to put $5 into the pot. Eventually the matter boiled down to Thompson and Brown, and the erudition of each one boiled up so that both were held even for half an hour. Finally Thompson said, "How does a gopher dig a hole without leaving a mound of sand at the lip?" Brown thought about that and said, "I can't answer that. However, since it's your question, you had better answer it." Thompson said coolly, as he reached for the accumulated pile of bills. "Easy. The gopher starts at the bottom of the hole and that's where he leaves the sand." "Hold on," said Brown heatedly, grasping Thompson's wrist to prevent him from taking the pot. "How does the gopher get to the bottom of the hole in the first place?" "That's YOUR question," said Thompson as he took the money. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joy Re: Set file types Dear Webby, Sometimes I can't open picture attachments in email. The message I get is,"This file does not have a program associated with it for performing this action. Create an association in the Folders Options Control Panel. I don't really know what to do after opening the Folder Options folder. Can you help me? Thanks, Joy Dear Joy Right-Click on START select EXPLORE Click on TOOLS FOLDER OPTIONS FILE TYPES Scroll down to the file type that you need a program for, highlight it click on advanced, and select a suitable program for it. For GIF, JPG, PNG, BMP select PaintShop Pro or whatever you use for graphics. For PDF use Foxit or Adobe Acrobat, for PPT use Microsoft PowerPoint viewer. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 9, 2006 - Mexico, Missouri - AP Ray Heilwagen has his wallet back, 62 years after he lost it in France during World War II. Late last year, Heilwagen received a call from Stephen Breitenstein of Palatine, Ill. ''He said, 'Did you lose a billfold?' and I remembered I did,'' Heilwagen told the Hannibal Courier-Post. ''Then he said, 'I found it and will send it to you.' ''I could hardly believe it.'' Breitenstein's father, who also served in France during World War II, recently died. Digging through his father's possessions — ironically on Veteran's Day — Stephen Breitenstein found the old wallet. He figured his dad found it during the war and brought it home, hoping to find the owner. Not knowing how to do so, he left it in a drawer for more than six decades. Using the Internet, Breitenstein tracked down Heilwagen. After their phone conversation, he mailed the wallet to him. ''He sent it to me, and I received it in very good order,'' Heilwagen said. ''It had everything in it — (French) francs and pictures and my original Social Security card and some receipts.'' The wallet also included an article from the Courier-Post (Heilwagen grew up in Hannibal) that his parents had mailed to him during the war. Heilwagen served with the Army's 79th Infantry Division of the U.S. Army, which was in combat in France from their arrival in July 1944 until he was injured and hospitalized that November with a leg injury. He received a Purple Heart and a Bronze Star. ''We were in combat continuously, every day almost,'' he recalled. ''We were in a battle and received small arms fire, then a German mortar came in and exploded. It blew me into the river, and I had about five pieces of shrapnel in my right leg.'' As medics helped him in the field, Heilwagen recalled pulling out his billfold to look at pictures. The next day, he was taken to a French hospital, where the shrapnel was removed. ''They were getting ready to ship me out to another hospital, and I looked for my billfold, and it was gone,'' said Heilwagen, who was later discharged and returned to Missouri. He retired after a 39-year career with Southwestern Bell Telephone. As for Breitenstein, ''I was impressed that a stranger would go to such trouble to locate me and return my wallet,'' Heilwagen said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Junk Mail? I recently received a letter in the mail that looked like a credit card offer or junk mail from my bank on the outside of the envelope. I opened it and at a glance, it still looked like marketing of some sort. Fortunately, I took time to read it. It was promotional material, but it was detailing the virtues of a the new checking account that my bank had signed me up for. This new account has monthly fees, in contrast to the free checking account I had signed up for 15 years ago. The moral of the story, be sure to read anything your bank sends you. By Fisher
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if we're at the right funeral." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience. Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to omit them from their articles. One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that cannot be printed." ========================================
Thanks to Walter for today's Bonus Link: Chachapoyas Mummies http://snipurl.com/17atv
======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well,, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Lost Files 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  January 11, 2007
======================================

If you can't, you must. If you must, you can.
-- Anthony Robbins

The louder he talked of his honor,
the faster we counted our spoons.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

=======================================

A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill in the cash reg-
ister of a local grocery store. "Hey, where have you been?
I haven't seen you around here much."

The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos,
went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship. I just got
back to the States recently, went to a couple of baseball
games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"

The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff - church,
church, church..."

Confused the twenty replied: "What's a church?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned
from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're
going to be three in this house instead of two."The
husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his
wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the
world."

But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel this way
about my mother moving in with us tomorrow morning ."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sebrina Hill, 35 of Cleveland Heights, Ohio Dumb as a snake January 6, 2007 - Cleveland Heights, Ohio - Canadian Press Call it the cost of an education: a mother and son accused of stealing a snake from a pet store were arrested when they returned to the store and asked for books on how to care for the animal, police said. Store clerks recognized the suspects from surveillance video taken during the theft and stalled them until police arrived. The video showed the 15-year-old taking the 75-centimetre baby boa from its cage, wrapping it around his neck and hiding it with his jacket, while his mother acted as a lookout, police said. The video appeared to show the head of the red-tail boa sticking out of the boy's jacket collar, police said. Mother and son were arrested Dec. 22. The snake, worth US$300, was recovered from their home and returned to the Petland in this Cleveland suburb, police said. Sebrina Hill, 35, faces theft charges and is scheduled to appear in court next month. Her son was booked and placed in the custody of relatives, police said. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A man decides to have a face lift for his birthday. Even though it cost almost twice as much as what his wife had spent for an invenstment in silicone at Jiffy Boobs, he feels really good about the result. On his way home, he stops at a news-stand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the order clerk the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47." This makes him feel really good. While standing at the bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young,there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I were to put my hand down your pants, I would be able to tell your exact age." As there was no one around, the man thought what the heck, and let her slip her hand down his pants. After a few minutes, the old lady says, "OK, that's fine, I'm done...you are 47." Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old lady replies, "I was behind you in McDonalds." =========================================== One day a man drove his secretary home after she fell quite ill at work. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly, he looked down and spotted a high heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: Dear Webby, Hello! I need to ask you a question about my Documents settings.I went to click on my Documents this morning and got a box with instructions that it was not recognized and to rt click my documents icon then click properties and check path to target location is correct.So I went there and clicked on the default thinking maybe this would help. It only came up as if I had just started it today.I had tons of pics. and all on there that can never be replaced. Could you tell me where I might be able to retrieve the files? Also last week we installed the latest version of Mcaffee Total Protection.Everything seems to be running by Internet Explorer.Is there some way Internet Explorer 7 could have been installed when we installed the Mcaffee?I've heard bad things about IE7.Thought about putting the old Mcaffee back on here to see if that would help. I don't understand how my documents could just disappear or not work anymore.Never had this problem before. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Love you letters everyday. Thank you. Rita in Texas Dear Rita McAfee has nothing to do with that. It does not move files. It just blocks bad files from coming in. IE7 is bad news, but I don't think it is the cause of this particular problem. Probably the cat batted the mouse around and drug the files elsewhere. Click on START Search and search for *.jpg That will find all the JPG files, and let you drag them back to where you used to have them, or to a more appropriate location. The same trick works with .gif, mp3 and whatever files you are looking for. You will soon find out where they got drug to. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 9, 2007 - Louisville, Kentucky - Kids Wish Network An extraordinary little girl from Louisville recently enjoyed an exciting dream come true thanks to Kids Wish Network, an organization in Florida that grants wishes to children with life-threatening illnesses. 11-year-old Hannah, who suffers from a severe seizure disorder, had the time of her life on her special trip to Coffee Creek Ranch in California! Hannah has been diagnosed as having a rare and severe neuromuscular seizure disorder that even her doctors do not fully understand. Hannah's muscles have been severely affected and she is confined mostly to a wheelchair, though she can walk a little with the help of a walker. She is also unable to speak and must use a communication device. Hannah experiences extremely serious seizures and has been in and out of the hospital most of her young life. A huge animal lover, Hannah is especially fond of horses and loves to ride whenever she can - it's also great therapy for her! So it was no surprise when, after Hannah was approved for a wish with Kids Wish Network, that she decided what she wanted most of all was to visit a dude ranch and ride with some real cowboys! Kids Wish Network would like to thank the following for helping to make Hannah's wish come true: Aviation Mobility, Avis, Coffee Creak Ranch, the Hilton Garden Inn Sacramento, Scott Valley Respiratory and Timberlake Home Health Supply.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soap Pest Spray Mix two tablespoons liquid Ivory soap and one gallon water. Use a spray bottle to apply to your plant's leaves. It will help eliminate aphids, cinch bugs, spider mites, and white flies.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school and the principal said, "Hello, this is Dunn Elementary." The caller said, "Hi. I'm calling to let you know that Little Johnny Johnson won't be able to come to school all next week." "What seems to be the problem with him?" asked the principal. The caller said, "We are all going on a family vacation. I sure hope there is not a problem with that." "I guess that would be fine," said the principal. "May I ask who is calling?" The caller said, "Sure. This is my father." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== While down south on a visit, the young Yankee made a date with a local lovely. When he called for her, she was clad in a low-cut, tight-fitting, long dress. He remarked, "That's certainly a beautiful dress." "Sho 'nough?" she asked sweetly. "It sure does," he replied. ========================================
Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Start Cooking http://startcooking.com/blog/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Strip Flags 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  January 10, 2007
======================================

Action may not always be happiness,
but there is no happiness without action.
--- Sir Benjamin Disraeli

I daresay one profits more by the mistakes
one makes off one's own bat than by doing
the right thing on somebody's else advice.
--- W. Somerset Maugham

=======================================

Two church members were going door to door,
and knocked on the door of a woman who was
not happy to see them.  She told them in no
uncertain terms that she did not want to hear
their message and slammed the door in their
faces. To her surprise, however, the door did
not close and, in fact, bounced back open.

She tried again, really put her back into it,
and slammed the door again with the same result
- the door bounced   back open.

Convinced these rude young people were sticking
their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a
slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of
them yelled, "Ma'am, STOP!
You knocked out your cat with the first slam.
If you are going to keep doing that, you are going to
get some very expensive vet bills!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Two storks are on a nest-a father stork and baby stork. The
baby stork is crying and father stork is trying to calm him.
"Don't worry Son, your mother will come back. She's only
bringing people babies and making them happy," he says.

The next night, it's father's turn to do the job.

"Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now
he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies," the mother
stork says to the crying baby stork.

A few days later, the stork parents are desperate-their son
is gone from the nest all night. Finally, shortly before
dawn, he returns. The parents ask their son where he has
been all night.

The baby stork says, "Awww, just scaring the hell out of
teenagers!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to a murderer in Polk County, Florida Minimum Paperwork Orlando Sentinel Another case of underestimating the ammo requirements As reported earlier this week, man who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop in Florida ended up "executing" the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close range. Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed. A statewide manhunt ensued. The low-life was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun. SWAT team officers fired and hit said low-life 68 times. Now here's the kicker: Asked why they shot the guy 68 times, Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd told the Orlando Sentinel: "That's all the bullets we had." ------------------------------- Sherrif Judd and his crew have a reputation for "minimum paperwork", and it is extremely dumb to actively mess with them. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Communicate! Don't just sit there like a stump! ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm, and Little Johnny asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny said, "Well I can see why they threw HIM out!" =========================================== Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?" "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Doug Re: AOL Flag Dear Webby, I have never heard anybody calling those chevron forwarding marks "AOL Flag", but I sure will from now on! Once upon a time, long, long ago, you mentioned a program that strips those AOL flags from mails. Do you still have the link to that program? Thanks Doug Dear Doug Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and look for a n icon that looks like a traffic sign with an AOL flag on it. The Program is called "STRIP". and it's free. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 5, 2007 - New York - AP Two passers-by rescued a toddler who fell four storeys, scrambling to catch him as he tumbled from a fire escape, police said. Julio Gonzalez, 43, and Pedro Nevarez, 40, saw three-year-old Timothy Addo dangling from a Bronx building on Thursday, police said. The boy had crawled out of a window when his babysitter briefly took her eyes off him, police said. "He was hanging on for dear life," Gonzalez said. Hearing people in the building scream for help as the boy's grip weakened, the men rushed over to position themselves under the fire escape to catch him. "No one came," Nevarez said. "We knew it was up to us." The boy tumbled and hit Nevarez in the chest so hard the impact knocked him off balance, but the child bounced into Gonzalez's arms. Timothy was treated in hospital for a cut to his forehead. "He's fine. He's happy. He's smiling," said his mother, Katrina Cosme, 26, who was working at the time of the incident. Police talked to the babysitter, and an investigation was continuing Friday, Det. John Sweeney said. The crucial catch came two days after a bystander threw himself onto a Manhattan subway track to save a man who had fallen, and a day after three police officers delivered a baby on a Brooklyn subway platform. "This is the week of heroes in New York," Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Apply for Financial Aid Early If you or a loved one is going to college this fall, apply for financial aid as early as possible. The amount of aid you get is based on your need level, fund availability, and the date your application process is completed. It pays to be on top of it. File your financial aid application as soon as you file your taxes. You should have all the paperwork you need in February.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda was like that. So when she and her new husband husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own suitcase." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way." ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: AOL Improvement 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  January 8, 2007
======================================

If you can dream it, you can do it.
--- Walt Disney

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
--- Dean Martin

I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman
with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's
willing to make a decision she'll regret in the future.
--- Richard Jeni

=======================================

Thanks to Deeli for this story:
Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with
his drinking buddy, Paddy.  He took off his shoes to avoid
waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading
to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.
As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body
swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.
A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made
the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants,
and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks
were cut and bleeding.  He managed to quietly find a full
box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best
he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and
shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both
his head and butt and Mary screaming at him from across
the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Flynn said, "Why do you say such a mean thing?"

Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could
be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could
be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could
be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly....
it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Bernie was unfortunate enough to be hit by a truck and ended
up in the hospital. His best friend Morris came to visit him.

Bernie struggles to tell Morris, "My wife Sadie visits me
three times a day. She's so good to me. Every day, she
reads  to me at the bedside."

"What does she read?" asks Morris.

"My life insurance policy."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to AOLers AOL boasts that 99.46 % of AOLers have a higher IQ than bra size Today only 0.54% of AOLers mixed up the "FORWARD" and the "THIS IS SPAM" button. An AOL spokesman, who insisted on anonymity, speculated that the apparent increase in overall intelligence amongst AOLers is probably due to relatives of AOLers sneaking Smarties into their Christmas gifts. However, AOL wants me to do something about the AOL user malfunctions. Dear webby.com, You are receiving this message via our automated "Report Card" process (which helps analyze AOL's Internet inbound mail) because our available data indicate that webby.com's subscribers are still above the acceptable threshold for user malfunctions: 0.46% This is an automated notification. Replies to this email will not be answered. Thank you for your prompt attention to this important matter. ------------------- Well, about the only way I can attend to this important matter is to encourage all AOLers to eat more Smarties! Try to get the percentage of AOL user malfunctions down a bit. Otherwise the AOL postmaster is going to block ALL AOL uers from receiving the Humor Letter. DearWebby ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Dear Webby, What is a "cozy snow bank"? See the attached picture, taken on December 3 2006 in Yarmouth Nova Scotia. Although the flowers have finally stopped blooming here, we haven't seen a "snow bank" yet this winter. Today it is 7c and sunny. Just thought I'd share. :-) Debbie ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A car with Massachusetts plates drove up to the Canadian customs booth I was manning. When I asked the driver his name, he looked at me strangely and asked, "How much?" I repeated my question, and this time he answered. But when I proceeded to question him further, he told me he just wanted to pay the toll and go. "You're not at a tollbooth, Sir," I patiently explained. "This is Canadian customs." The man paled. He had left Boston six hours earlier-- headed for New York City. =========================================== Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "This till can only process six items per customer. Which six items would you like to buy?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lucille Re:Ezines through Earthlink Dear Webby, I am a fan of Gopher Central ezines. Their ads are goofy, but their content is usually good. My problem is that I subscribe to their ezines, recieve them without problem for a couple months, and suddenly they get cut off. I have them in my approved sender's list. Is there anything else I can do? I am on Earthlink. Lucille Dear Lucille When those ezines get cut off, do you need to subscribe again? In that case the problem is on Gopher Central's side. If not, then contact Earthlink Support through the member chat support, and haggle out with them whether it's your spam control or Earthlink's. Earthlink is a good dial-up provider and I have used them whenever I travel for over 10 years, but in the last few years. I found that their email is not quite reliable enough for business purposes. Your email goes out OK, but their incoming filtering is sometimes a bit heavy-handed. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 5, 2007 - Spartansburg, South Carolina - AP Norman Rattliff Jr.'s cell phone gave him away, police said. Authorities were able to arrest Rattliff on Wednesday night by using the global positioning system in his cell phone to track the fleeing suspect, Sheriff Chuck Wright said. Rattliff, who was wanted in West Virginia for forgery and failing to register as a sex offender, ran from officers trying to arrest him at a Spartanburg home where he had been staying for about six months, Wright said. But he didn't get far, the sheriff said. "The GPS locator on his cell phone told us about where he was, so we went and started knocking on doors," Wright said. Deputies found Rattliff in the back bedroom of one of the homes and arrested him, the sheriff said. Rattliff is awaiting extradition back to West Virginia.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Monthly Resolutions Statistically, most people don't succeed with their New Year's resolutions. If you are one of those people, try starting smaller, with weekly or monthly resolutions. If you are trying to cut down on fast food, commit yourself to not eating out for a month. It can be easier to achieve goals when the finish isn't so far in the future.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
*Helping Daddy* One day a young boy ran crying to his mother and rubbing his behind. His mother said, "Bobby, why are you crying?" "Because daddy hit his thumb with the hammer!" little Bobby wailed. "Why, that's not something to cry over," his mother told him. "That should make you laugh." Bobby rubbed his behind and said tearfully, "I DID laugh!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They sit down on a bench to rest for awhile. Soon they overhear voices coming from a secluded spot nearby. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realizes that a young man is about to propose. Not wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment, she gently nudges her husband and whispers, "Whistle to let that young couple know that someone can hear them." To which Murphy replies, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Stone Gardens http://www.sticksandstonesfarm.com/MossTroughs.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Full Size Browser by default 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  January 7, 2007
======================================

A fellow doesn't last long on what he has done.
He has to keep on delivering."
--- Carl Hubbell

=======================================

Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief
sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang.

Apparently, that sound was "uh oh."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Please start the year with a vote to show that you are a
member of the liveliest audience of any newsletter!

===========================================

Resume bloopers:

"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment,
I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to
at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed
heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately
lead to the application of more rarefied facets of
financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

Try the Salvation Army Thrift Shop. They are always
looking for empty shirts.


"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

Tell Greg not to apply here either.


"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed
and my employer does not know I am looking for
another job."

If somebody calls you after 5:30, it will be a telemarketer.


My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since
I have no training in meteorology, I suppose
I should try stock brokerage.

Don't call us, we'll call you.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Mark Steven Valladares, 48, Loveland, Colorado From the frying pan into the fire January 5, 2007 - Loveland, Colorado - The Denver Channel A man who allegedly robbed a Loveland bank so he could avoid jail time is now back in jail. Mark Steven Valladares, 48, is accused of robbing a Wells Fargo Bank last week for money that he wanted to use to pay off outsanding driving fines. One hour after the bank robbery, Valladares was pulled over about one block from the Loveland police and courts building, police said. He allegedly told investigators that he was headed to the police station to pay the fines and that the robbery was an act of desperation, the Loveland Daily Reporter-Herald said. "He said if he didn’t pay them, he was going back to prison, and he didn't want to go there," Detective Chuck Sutterfield told the newspaper. Larimer County Court records show that Valladares owes $325 for a misdemeanor driving-under-the-influence conviction, the newspaper said. Not paying the fine could result in a local jail sentence, but not federal prison. Valladares is being held at the Larimer County Detention Center on $45,000 bond. A felony charge was filed against Valladares on Wednesday, and he is scheduled to be back in court on Monday. While police have not said how much money he allegedly stole, they did say they recovered all but $166, which Valladares reportedly spent to pay money owed to a neighbor and to buy a few items at a local store, the newspaper reported. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture of one of her yellow Cannas. While we comfortably relax in cozy snow banks, Sandie apparently has been slaving away in her garden and yesterday filled eight garbage cans with cannas that got away on her and other assorted weeds and stuff. Must be a rough life in the jungle! ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== An American was waiting on a London street corner. An attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of wind blew her dress above her waist. "A bit airy..." remarked the American. Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly, " 'ell yes! What did you expect ..... feathers?!" =========================================== One day, a foreign family arrived in New York City. This was the first time out of their native village, and it didn't take long before the wife got lost. The husband asked a passerby for help and was told to go to the police and report it. When he got there, a police officer asked him for the wife's description. "What's that?" asked the man. "Well, you see a description is telling what something looks like. For example, my wife is 25-years-old, 5'11", 140 lbs, 38-25-36 measurements. Now, what can you tell me about your wife?" "The hell with her, lets go look for yours!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Full Size Browser default Dear Webby, I've got a stupid question for you. It used to be, when I clicked on a link that opened a new page, it would come up as a full new page. Now when I click the link, I get a half page. I used to know how to change this but I haven't had to do it for so long that I've forgotten. A little help please. How do I change the size of a new page? David Dear David Viewing pages full size has gone out of fashion, because you don't see what might be opening behind it. Also, with the higher resolutions commonly used nowadays, you can comfortably have two pages open side by side if you squish them a bit. F11 toggles a window to full screen and back. To set full screen as the default, even though Microsoft has decided it is a dumb idea and refuses to tell you how to do it, follow this top secret rigmarole: Close all browser windows but one. Open a new window from a link on the remaining window. Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up). Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what you want the windows to automatically open up as). Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window. From now on, all your new windows should open up to that size until perform a similar process telling IE that you want all new windows to be the new size. Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your preferred window size. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 6, 2007 - Devon, UK - Ananova A former nurse has celebrated her silver wedding anniversary - for the second time. Eileen George wed for the first time in 1952 and celebrated 25 years of marriage with her husband Patrick before he died in 1977. She brought up four children alone in Edmonton, North London. When her youngest son, Ian was ten he made friends with the nine-year-old son of divorcee Ronnie George at a social club. Romance blossomed between Eileen and Ronnie and the couple married in 1981. Eileen who now lives in Devon with Ronnie said: "It never dawned on me that two silver wedings was unique until my daughter Jacqueline mentioned it." According to the Sun, Ronnie said the secret to a happy marriage is: "Let your wife be the boss."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Birthdays on Your New Calendar When putting up your new calendar for the new year, take a moment and fill in all the birthdays that you need to remember throughout the year. It's also good to note any anniversaries or other important dates. One good method is to flip through your old calendar and transfer any dates which apply to the new year.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?" "I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A bishop discovered a tribe of Indians in the Amazon who had never recorded a baptism, confirm- ation or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every couple that walked by and desired such. Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives...!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: World Heritage Sites http://whc.unesco.org/en/list/rss/ 450 pictures! Takes a while to load, but well worth the wait!
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Mix ATA and IDE drives 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  January 6, 2007
======================================

He who believes in nobody knows that he
himself is not to be trusted.
--- Red Auerbach

"Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work."
--- Aristotle

=======================================

Thanks to Glenn for this story:

You know, I've never been much for shopping
In fact I try to stay away from town
Except when shipping time comes,
I ain't easily found.

But the day came when I had to go
And I left the kids with ma
But before I left she asked me,
"Would you pick me up a bra?"

Without thinkin' I said "sure,"
How tough could that job be?
I bent down and kissed her
And said, "I'll be back by three."

Well, when I done the things I needed
I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing,
I was working up a sweat.

I crossed the street to the ladies shop
With my hat pulled over my eyes,
I wasn't takin' any chances
On bein' recognized.

I walked right up to the sales clerk
I didn't hem or haw
I told the lady right straight out,
"Ma'am, I'm here to buy a bra."

From behind I heard some snickers
So I turned around to see
At least fifteen women in the store
And they's all gawkin' at me!

"What kind would you be looking for?"
"Well," I just scratched my head
I'd only seen one kind before
"Thought bras was bras," I said.

She gives me a disgusted look
"Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
Come with me," I heard her say,
And like a dog, I tagged along.

She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display
Well I thought my jaw'd hit the floor
When I seen that lingerie.

They had all these different styles
That I'd not seen before
I thought that I'd go crazy
'fore I left that women's store.

They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
And bras that cross your heart
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.

They had bras that made you feel
Like you weren't wearing one at all
And bras that you can train in
When you start off when you're small.

Well I finally make my mind up
Picked a black and lacy one
I told the lady,
"Bag it up," And figured I was done.

But then she asked me for the size.
I didn't hesitate.
I knew them measurements by heart,
"Six and seven eighths."

"Six and seven eighths, well sir,
That really isn't right."
"Oh yes ma'am, I'm positive,
I just measured them last night."

I thought that she'd go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife's bust
Was the same as my hat size.

"That's what I use to measure with,
I figured it was fair
But If I'm wrong I'm sorry ma'am."
This drew another stare.

By now a crowd had gathered
And they's all crackin' up
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.

When she finally had it figured
I gave the gal her pay
I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, "Good day."

My wife heard the whole story
'fore I ever made it home
She'd talked to fifteen women
Who'd called her on the phone.

She was still a-laughin'
But by then I didn't care
Now she don't ask and I don't shop
For women's underwear.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Please start the year with a vote to show that you are a
member of the liveliest audience of any newsletter!

===========================================

Thanks to Dave for this story:
Aaron came home from school one day, all banged up, bloodied, and
bruised. His father asked him what on earth had happened.

"Well, dad, it's like this," Aaron began. "I challenged Larry to a
duel and you know how that goes...I gave him his choice of
weapons."

"Uh huh," said the father. "That seems fair."

"I know...but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Rocco Bove, 24, of Westbury, NY Hemp in Hempstead January 5, 2007 - Hempstead, New York - AP Leave the cannoli, take the marijuana. A Nassau County correction officer was arrested and due in court Thursday on charges he tried to smuggle marijuana into the jail - stashed inside a box of the Italian pastries. Rocco Bove, 24, of Westbury, was arrested Wednesday following an investigation into the discovery of pot inside the box. Police say Bove dropped off the box for an unidentified inmate on Christmas Eve, and when officers checked it, they found the marijuana, along with rolling papers, matches and a flint pad. The drugs were actually inside the cannoli, Nassau County Police spokesman Kevin Smith said. It was "enough so someone could have a little personal consumption around Christmastime," Smith said. He said police believe Bove removed the cream filling in the tube shaped shells of fried pasta, stashed the pot inside in plastic bags, and then refilled the shells. Bove was suspended without pay and scheduled to be arraigned on charges of promoting prison contraband and unlawful possession of marijuana. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for sending this picture that his son Greg sent him from England. It's a bit out of season, but I agree with Martin, it's too nice a picture not to share it. ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Thanks to Rosie for this one: I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband. "What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?" =========================================== The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked. "Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We'll get a new cat tomorrow." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Mix and match IDE and ATA Dear Webby, Can you mix and match IDE and ATA hard drives? I want to use my old IDE drive as a second (slave) drive with my new machine, which has an ATA drive. Bob Dear Bob Some motherboards have sockets for both IDE and ATA cables, but unless you have looked yourself and seen both types of sockets side by side, don't count on them being there. On new motherboards usually they aren't. The way around that problem is to simply use a USB harddrive enclosure for the old IDE drive. USB harddrive enclosures cost $15 and up on-line. However, check PriceGrabber and see if a nearby store has a good deal. With low cost items the shipping costs can make an on-line purchase more expensive than a local storefront. With most USB harddrive enclosures you get a bunch of tiny screws to attach the drive inside the usually almost too snug enclosure. Don't fret if the little screws don't line up or are a nuisance. Once the lid is closed, the drive is held quite nicely. By the way, even though your old IDE drive measures about 4" x 6", it's called a 3.5" drive, because the platter inside is a 3.5" platter. If you ask for a 4" drive enclosure, they will tell you that you are on the wrong planet. Look for a 3.5 inch USB 2 Hard Drive Enclosure. USB 2 standard is 40 times faster than USB 1. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 5, 2007 - St. Petersburg, Florida - AP One woman discovered on New Year's Eve that her bra could do more than lift and support when a falling bullet was stopped by the bra strap on her left shoulder. Debbie Bingham, 46, an Atlanta resident visiting family in St. Petersburg, said her bra slowed the falling bullet during the holiday celebrations. Her injuries may have been much more severe had it not been for her bra strap, said George Kajtsa, spokesman for the St. Petersburg Police Department. Bingham says she was outside with her daughter and son, ringing in the New Year and viewing the local fireworks display when she felt a sharp pain in her left shoulder at 11:40 p.m. It was Bingham's daughter, Solanda Bingham, 30, who first noticed the blood seeping through her mother's white shirt. ''We were sitting at the picnic table and listening to music and my mom said, 'Ow,''' the daughter said. The daughter said she looked over and saw the blood and shouted ''My mother's been shot. My mother's been shot.'' The bullet was halfway inside of Bingham's bra, and the other half barely breaking the skin, Bingham later told WTSP-TV. Someone had fired a gun into the air and as the .45-caliber bullet fell back to earth, Bingham was struck. Kajtsa described the wound as a ''big scratch with bruising.'' Bingham was taken to Bayfront Medical Center in St. Petersburg where she was given five stitches. The bullet was lodged into the bra tap was only removed when doctors intervened and cut the bullet from the strap. St. Petersburg police are still searching for the shooter to determine if Bingham was the target of the gunfire or if she was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, Kajtsa said. Shooting a weapon inside the city limits is a misdemeanor with a maximum fine of $1,000 and up to one year in jail, Kajtsa said. As for Bingham, she said she is just thankful for her bra. ''It was a very cheap bra. It wasn't very expensive, and I'd love to have a couple more of those bras,'' she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Checkers You can make your own checkers game by saving plastic milk bottle caps. You need two different colors, 12 checkers for each player. If all your bottle caps are the same color, color the top of half the caps with permanent marker. Then make a game board using a square piece of card board. Use a ruler to measure and draw squares with a marker. A checker board is 8 by 8 squares of alternating colors, the same as a chess board. You can make a very nice checkerboard quickly by weaving 4 strips of dark and 4 strips of light paper, felt, or wood veneer into a square. Then cut some plywood or paneling to size and lay some iron-on glue gauze onto that, slide the weave onto it, and iron it on. After it has cooled, you can pour marine spar varnish or a clear epoxy on it. For a finishing touch, glue some felt table protector disks onto the bottom. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone . . . "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up. The next morning, at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back . . . "Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to tell you that I don't HAVE a dog." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But, if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Internet Movie Database http://www.imdb.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: More questions re tripods 


Good Morning,   !
Friday,  January 5, 2007
Wear something red to show your support of the troops!
======================================

Nothing is stronger than habit.
--- Ovid

There is no nonsense so gross that society will not,
at some time, make a doctrine of it and defend it with
every weapon of communal stupidity.
--- Robertson Davies

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into
nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes
easy."
--- Albert Einstein

=======================================

When I was visiting a friend who lived on the edge of a
wilderness preserve, we drove along a rutted trail, and we
saw a small creek ahead whose bridge was under water.

"We have a serious beaver problem," our friend said. "They
build dams that cause the creek to flood. Forest rangers
take down the dams, and the beavers rebuild them."

As we got closer, we could see a large scoreboard posted
by the bridge.

It read: BEAVERS 3 RANGERS 2

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Please start the year with a vote to show that you are a
member of the liveliest audience of any newsletter!

===========================================

When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local
motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for
almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his
license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented
to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking
pretty grouchy in this picture."

The woman beside him peered over his shoulder, then
reassured him, "It's okay. That's how you're going to look
when the cops pull you over anyway."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to North Hollywood kidnappers OOPS, wrong victim January 3, 2007 - North Hollywood, California - CBS News In what was apparently a case of mistaken identity, a woman was kidnapped, bound and abandoned in her car. Authorities found the victim in North Hollywood on Tuesday night. Though she was still bound, the victim dialed 911 around 9 p.m. She summoned authorities to the intersection of Fulton Avenue and Burbank Boulevard, near Los Angeles Valley College, where her kidnappers had left her, Lt. Alan Hamilton of the Los Angeles Police Department's North Hollywood Station said. Though the victim did not know her kidnappers the case was not considered “stranger abduction” because she was not taken at random, Hamilton said. According to Hamilton, the kidnapping was allegedly an attempt to retaliate against a failed relationship ... one that involved the woman’s male roommate. "She was completely innocent," he said. Apparently the kidnappers acted upon orders from a person who wanted revenge, but picked up the wrong person, Hamilton said. "It was a kidnap by proxy," he said. The victim’s roommate had already contacted police by the time the victim called 911. He had apparently been tipped off about the kidnapping by the suspects, Hamilton said. After the woman was found, she was taken to Los Angeles County-USC Medical Center, where she was examined and released, he said. Though authorities are not totally clear on how the kidnappers mistook the female victim for her male roommate, Hamilton said that the suspects "aren't the sharpest tools in the shed." ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture Sandie's way of showing that she is envious about our yards full of snow men and women and sidewalks to shovel. ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== We were all celebrating our friend's 80th birthday when the mail arrived. In the mail was a summons for my friend to appear for jury duty. My friend called the court clerk. "I received a jury duty summons, but I have an age exemption." The clerk said, "Ma'am, you need to fill out an exemption form to be granted the exemption." "I did that last year." "Ma'am, you have to do it every year." "Why? Are you worried I might get younger ?" =========================================== A woman went to her dentist to have her dentures adjusted for the fifth time. She said they still didn’t fit. “Well,” said the dentist “I’ll do it again this time, but no more. There’s no reason why these shouldn’t fit your mouth easily.” “Who said anything about my mouth?” the woman answered.“They don’t fit in the glass!” ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Unc Wes Re: Tripod Sources Dear Webby, Can you give us a few websites or good tripods on eBay??? unk wes Dear Unc Wes With tripods you have to check them out personally. The staff at camera stores rarely have a clue about tripods, and it's even worse on the net. First make sure that the rotator is not a threaded pipe or bolt. If it is, don't waste time on it. It's sloppy junk. It's OK if a bolt holds down the rotator or turntable, but if it rides up on the threads when you turn it, forget it. If it passed that all important Pass/Fail test, then put a camera with a long, heavy lens on it, focus on something very far away, and lock it in position while watching the viewfinder or LCD. Does the locking action move the focus three trees over, or does it stay put? All the rest is of minor importance. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 3, 2006 - Juneau, Wisconsin - AP An elderly man fended off a would-be burglar with a shoehorn before the man invaded another home and was arrested, the Dodge County Sheriff's Department said. The man kicked in the door of an elderly couple's home in Lebanon about 1 a.m. Monday, demanded money and threatened to shoot them, the sheriff's department said in a news release. But the husband, who is in his 80s, beat the man around the head with a long shoehorn, forcing him from the home. The intruder and another man then committed another home invasion in the Oconomowoc area and were arrested in Waukesha County, the release said. The Dodge County District Attorney's Office is reviewing the matter for potential charges.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com January's Best Food Buys Buy food that is in season and you can save money at the grocery store. Here are January's Best Buys: Apples, Beef, Broccoli, Brussels sprouts, Chicken, Eggs, Grapefruit, Oranges, Pork, Rhubarb, and Turnips.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery." "Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Is the bank account for a girdle business called a truss fund? Or is that stretching it a bit. ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Dangerous saves 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  January 3, 2007
======================================

The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to
sacrifice what we are for what we could become.
--- Charles Du Bos

It's a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate
gratitude with moderation.
--- Roberto Benigni

=======================================

What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A private tutor.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Please start the year with a vote to show that you are a
member of the liveliest audience of any newsletter!

===========================================

Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.

"We don't need anyone" they replied.

"You can't afford not to hire me.
I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!"

"Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell.
If you can sell just one, you have a job."

He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them
two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.

"How in the world did you do that ?" they asked.

"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman,
I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"

"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a
urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine
samples."

Morris was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when in
he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets
the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two
bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says "Here's Mr.Brown's
and this one is Mr.Smith's."

"Thats good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"

"Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a state
teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Adam Croot, 39 of of Wokingham, Berks, England Jilted man auctions holiday A man has advertised on eBay for a girl to replace his former lover on a Caribbean holiday. So far 67 strangers have bid on the trip with insurance expert Adam Croot. The highest bid currently stands at £870 reports the Sun. Adam, 39, reveals on the website how he booked the 5 star break in Jamaica as a romantic break. But his girlfriend dumped him and he faces losing his money on non-refundable tickets if he does not go. He explains: "We've all been there I'm sure - booked a nice holiday with your partner, paid 50 per cent of the costs and then found yourself dumped. Bummer. "Maybe I'm just a tightwad, or maybe I just hate seeing anything go to waste, but I want to go to Jamaica." Adam, of Wokingham, Berks, adds: "The only catch is you have to come with me." The auction closes on January 6. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line." "This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now." "He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied. "Right now I'd say he's sheepish." =========================================== The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap. All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional had been watching. "What club should I use now?" he asked the pro. "I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nellie Re: Saving during power failure Dear Webby, Is it true that you should not try to save stuff while the electricity is failing? I have a few seconds on my UPS to bridge short blips, but was told not to frantically try to save anything, in case the blip turns into a longer outage. What's the real story? Nellie Dear Nellie That advice is absolutely correct. If you are trying to save a long document or large spreadsheet and the write power fizzles out while saving, you most likely trash that document. At best, you will be able to re-use the oldest parts of it, but you most likely will miss the newest ones. If your data is important to you, get a UPS that can run your machine for a few minutes and allow you to properly save and shut down. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos A HOTEL owner had to pay more than £1,000 to guests because it didn't snow over the festive period. Andrew Cox promised visitors to his Loch Kinord Hotel in Dinnet, Aberdeenshire, a white Christmas or a £50 refund.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mixing Meatloaf and Other Sticky Things When mixing meat loaf or patting marshmallow candy into a pan, kneading pizza dough etc., I first spray my hands with non-stick cooking spray. It keeps the food from sticking and washes off easily with soap and water.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two men who work in the same office are talking about their sons who are in their first year of college. "You know," says one, "my boy's letters nowadays always send me to the dictionary." "You're lucky," says the other. "My son's letters always send me to the bank." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ========================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" His wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Air Kix http://airkix.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: IE7 Picture Blocks 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  January 2, 2007
======================================

The biggest difference between sex for money and
sex for love is that  sex for money usually costs a lot less.
--- Fred Barling

Most people have seen worse things in private than they
pretend to be shocked at in public.
--- Edgar Watson Howe

=======================================

I know it's bad luck to be superstitious, but Sandie's
collection of New Year's superstitions is just too funny
not to share:

New Year's Superstitions

Besides getting sloppy drunk and kissing everybody in the
room at the stroke of midnight, celebrants throughout the
ages have observed numerous lesser-known New Year's
customs and superstitions. Many of the superstitions
associated with the event bear the common theme that
activities engaged in on that day set the pattern for the
year to come. Others have to do with warding off evil spirits
or attracting luck.

Because January 1 is the first day of the new year, we have
drawn a connection between what we do on that day and
our fate throughout the rest of the year. Here are some of
the ways we attempt to guarantee a good outcome through
our acts on that portentous first day:

Kissing at midnight:   We kiss those dearest to us at midnight
not only to share a moment of celebration with our favorite
people, but also to ensure those affections and ties will
continue throughout the next twelve months. To fail to smooch
our significant others at the stroke of twelve would be to set
the stage for a year of coldness.

Stocking Up:   The new year must not be seen in with bare
cupboards, lest that be the way of things for the year. Larders
must be topped up and plenty of money must be placed in
every wallet in the home to guarantee prosperity.

Paying Off Bills:   The new year should not be begun with
the household in debt, so checks should be written and mailed
off prior to January 1st. Likewise, personal debts should be
settled before the New Year arrives.

First Footing:   The first person to enter your home after the
stroke of midnight will influence the year you're about to have.
Ideally, he should be dark-haired, tall, and good-looking, and
it would be even better if he came bearing certain small gifts
such as a lump of coal, a silver coin, a bit of bread, a sprig
of evergreen, and some salt. Blonde and redhead first footers
bring bad luck, and female first footers should be shooed
away before they bring disaster down on the household.
Aim a gun at them if you have to, but don't let them near
your door before a man crosses the threshold.

The first footer (sometimes called the "Lucky Bird") should
knock and be let in rather than unceremoniously use a key,
even if he is one of the householders. After greeting those
in the house and dropping off whatever small tokens of luck
he has brought with him, he should make his way through
the house and leave by a different door than the one through
which he entered. No one should leave the premises before
the first footer arrives — the first traffic across the threshold
must be headed in rather than striking out.

First footers must not be cross-eyed or have flat feet or
eyebrows that meet in the middle.

Nothing prevents the cagey householder from stationing a
dark-haired man outside the home just before midnight to
ensure the speedy arrival of a suitable first footer as soon
as the chimes sound. If one of the partygoers is recruited
for this purpose, impress upon him the need to slip out
quietly just prior to the witching hour.

Nothing Goes Out:   Nothing — absolutely nothing, not even
garbage — is to leave the house on the first day of the year.
If you've presents to deliver on New Year's Day, leave them
in the car overnight. Don't so much as shake out a rug or
take the empties to the recycle bin.

Some people soften this rule by saying it's okay to remove
things from the home on New Year's Day provided something
else has been brought in first. This is similar to the caution
regarding first footers; the year must begin with something's
being added to the home before anything subtracts from it.

One who lives alone might place a lucky item or two in a
basket that has a string tied to it, then place the basket just
outside the front door before midnight. After midnight, the
lone celebrant hauls in his catch, being careful to bring the
item across the door jamb by pulling the string rather than
by reaching out to retrieve it and thus breaking the plane
of the threshold.

Black-Eyed Peas:   A tradition common to the southern
states of the USA dictates that the eating of black-eyed
peas on New Year's Day will attract both general good
luck and money in particular to the one doing the dining.
Some choose to add other Southern fare (such as ham
hocks, collard greens, or cabbage) to this tradition, but
the black-eyed peas are key.

Work:   Make sure to do — and be successful at —
something related to your work on the first day of the year,
even if you don't go near your place of employment that day.
Limit your activity to a token amount, though, because to
engage in a serious work project on that day is very
unlucky.

Also, do not do the laundry on New Year's Day, lest a
member of the family be 'washed away' (die) in the
upcoming months. The more cautious eschew even
washing dishes.

New Clothes:   Wear something new on January 1 to
increase the likelihood of your receiving more new
garments during the year to follow.

Money:   Do not pay back loans or lend money or other
precious items on New Year's Day. To do so is to guarantee
you'll be paying out all year.

Breakage:   Avoid breaking things on that first day lest
wreckage be part of your year. Also, avoid crying on the first
day of the year lest that activity set the tone for the next
twelve months.

Other superstitions attaching to the beginning of the new
year are:

Letting the Old Year Out:   At midnight, all the doors of a
house must be opened to let the old year escape unimpeded.
He must leave before the New Year can come in, says
popular wisdom, so doors are flung open to assist him in
finding his way out.

Loud Noise:   Make as much noise as possible at midnight.
You're not just celebrating; you're scaring away evil spirits,
so do a darned good job of it!

According to widespread superstition, evil spirits and the
Devil himself hate loud noise. We celebrate by making as
much of a din as possible not just as an expression of joy
at having a new year at our disposal, but also to make sure
Old Scratch and his minions don't stick around.
(Church bells are rung on a couple's wedding day for the
same reason.)

The Weather:   Examine the weather in the early hours of
New Year's Day. If the wind blows from the south, there will
be fine weather and prosperous times in the year ahead.
If it comes from the north, it will be a year of bad weather.
The wind blowing from the east brings famine and calamities.
Strangest of all, if the wind blows from the west, the year
will witness plentiful supplies of milk and fish but will also
see the death of a very important person. If there's no wind
at all, a joyful and prosperous year may be expected by all.

Born on January 1:   Babies born on this day will always
have luck on their side.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

Please start the year with a vote to show that you are a
member of the liveliest audience of any newsletter!

===========================================

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female,
faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came
down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them,
"That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you
both to life for thirty minutes and in that time, you can do
anything you want." With a clap of his hands, the angel brought
the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the
bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling,
laughter, and shaking of branches.

Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes,
wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking
knowingly.

Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the
male statue and said,
"Great! Only this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap
on its head."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to a sleazy beer drinker in Berlin, Germany December 29, 2006 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters) A thirsty German sold his 6-year-old step-daughter's pet beagle to the owner of a bar to pay for beer, the Bild newspaper reported Friday. The unemployed man offered to take the dog for a walk and then stopped at a bar where he convinced the owner to buy the 3-year-old dog for 40 euros ($53). The man spent the proceeds quenching his thirst for beer. The bar owner has now returned the dog to its owner. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions. At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does anyone here think they are without sin?" He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of the back pews stood up. The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand after such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are completely without sin?" The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for myself, but for my wife's first husband." =========================================== A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This place," the guide told them, "is 1600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years." "Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: Dear Webby, I just recently purchased a newer computer with Windows Office 64. It has a 64 bit graphics card, and the first thing I noticed was how many programs were set up for 32 but not for 64. That is not the question. I run IE on the 64 bit and Mozilla on the 32 bit, and it appears to work fine, but on IE I cannot get the pictures to download. All I get is a red "X" in the boxes. In my e-mails it states "some pictures have been blocked to help prevent the sender from identifying your computer. Click here to download pictures". Very easy thing to do so your humor letter can be seen in its entirety, but that option is not available when I am searching the web. I just get the x's where the picture should be. Can you help, please? Thank You Very, Very Much for your time! (Virwolf) a long time subscriber and fan. Dear Virwolf The graphics card has nothing to do with that. It will make some games a bit faster and will let the kids brag about it on the bus. That's all. Your machine may be handicapped with MSIE7. If you can, get rid of that half-baked nuisance and revert to MSIE6. If you can't get rid of IE7, set the Internet Options in it one step at a time for a lighter and lighter security, until the pictures show up. According to Microsoft it's actually a default setting in Outlook Depressed that sorta leaks over into the browser. Here is what I found on their site: To turn off the Don’t download pictures or other content automatically in HTML e-mail option, follow these steps: 1. Start Outlook. 2. On the Tools menu, click Options. 3. Click the Security tab, and then click Change Automatic Download Settings. 4. In the Automatic Picture Download Settings dialog box, click to clear the Don’t download pictures or other content automatically in HTML e-mail check box. 5. Click OK two times. Good Luck! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 30. 2006 - Cairns, Australia - BBC A pet cat came to the rescue when a family home in Australia caught fire - by scratching the face of its sleeping owner, officials say. The cat's prompt actions meant the family of four escaped before the blaze took hold of the home, in Cairns, north Queensland. "The cat was probably the best smoke alarm system," fire service spokesman Robert White-MacFarlane said. He said the home suffered only minor damage as a result. The fire started after a mattress caught fire, possible from a cigarette, he added. But before the blaze engulfed the home, the cat sprang into action. "The occupant was woken by the household cat which was scratching his face, alerting (him) to the ensuing dangers," Mr White-MacFarlane told the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. The owner was then able to wake the rest of the family, who fled the house and alerted the fire service. "There were alarms throughout the house, but the smoke saturation hadn't reached a point where they'd activated the alarms in the adjacent room," Mr White-MacFarlane added.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Bacon Cooking bacon in the oven allows you to cook large quantities of bacon quickly. Just line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and lay your bacon flat. Cook at 400 degrees F for 15 to 20 minutes.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'" The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play, he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time comes. The curtain goes up, the actor walks onto the stage, and with great passion delivers the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress." The theatre erupts. The audience is screaming with laughter, but the director is steaming! "You bloody fool!" he cries. "You have ruined me!" The actor is bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?" "No!" screams the director. "You forgot the rose!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. The head nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" The head nurse said, "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" The patient said, "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Tournament of roses http://tinyurl.com/spnkk
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: 2006 Darwin Award Roundup 

Good morning,   !
Sunday,  December 31, 2006
======================================

The darkest day of any man's life is when he sits down to
plan how to get money without earning it." -- Horace Greeley

=======================================

LAST DAY!
If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! Tomorrow it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================
****  December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space
        will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the
        Darwin Awards today
===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 is the Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to these former people: January 9, 2006 - DOWNEY, Calif. - AP Southern California officials said an elderly man's attempt to get revenge on his neighbors ended with his own death. Police in Downey said the man in his 80s tried to set fire to two neighbors' homes with homemade bombs. Police took a call about a blast early Sunday and found the man in the street holding two handguns. One of his arms was on fire. Police told him to drop the guns, but he fled into his house. Officials say smoke and flames quickly came from the home, followed by several explosions. A police sergeant says fire apparently set off ammunition in the house. Investigators say the man had a long feud with neighbors about parking on the cul-de-sac. One of the targeted neighbors said the man "hated everybody." ======================================== January 10, 2006 - RANCHO CUCAMONGA, Calif. - AP An intoxicated man who was shot to death last week in an apartment mistook a neighbor's unit for his own and broke in when his key wouldn't work, authorities said. Hector Soto, 21, had recently moved to the apartment complex and had been out celebrating his upcoming graduation from a trade school, his stepfather, Robert Ward, said Monday. Soto was "fairly well intoxicated" when his friends drove him home early Friday, said San Bernardino County Sheriff's Sgt. Tom Bradford. All the buildings in the complex look the same, he said. Soto got into the wrong apartment through an open front window and headed to the bathroom, where he encountered the resident, a 65-year-old state prison counselor, authorities said. They scuffled and the resident, thinking Soto was an intruder, shot him once. The shooter will not be charged, Bradford said. ======================================== February 13, 2006 - FORT COLLINS, Colo. - AP A man who went missing for several days, prompting a massive search in Buckhorn Canyon, died when a shotgun accidentally fired as he crossed a downed tree, the Larimer County coroner's office has determined. The body of Bart Strain, 30, a married father of one, was found Thursday in a heavily forested area near Donner Trail. He was last seen on Jan. 31. An autopsy determined that Strain died from a contact gunshot wound to the chest. ======================================== March 1, 2006 - NORMAN, Okla. - AP A University of Oklahoma student from Colorado who blew himself up outside a packed Gaylord Family/Oklahoma Memorial Stadium probably didn't commit suicide, a Norman police bomb expert said. "I believe he accidentally blew himself up," Sgt. George Mauldin said Tuesday of Joel Henry Hinrichs III, a 21-year old engineering student who died in the explosion Oct. 1. Hinrichs, of Colorado Springs, Colo., had two to three pounds of triacetone triperoxide, or TATP, in a backpack on his lap when it exploded about 173 yards from the stadium during the second quarter of the Oklahoma-Kansas State football game, Mauldin said. "Someone saw him fiddling with it (the backpack) shortly before the explosion occurred. I think he got cocky, and it went off," Mauldin said. Mauldin, head of the Norman bomb unit, said investigators detonated at the scene the remains of Hinrichs' backpack, which contained wires, a battery and a circuit board. Photos showed that Hinrichs was decapitated and his headless body was still upright on the park bench next to the backpack. Investigators also found more TATP, components to make the substance, a fuse and live military rounds at Hinrichs' off-campus apartment. "We found evidence of him compressing TATP, which is foolhardy, given its properties," the officer said. Making TATP is a seven-step process, with the substance becoming explosive after three steps, he said. ======================================== March 27, 2006 - AHMEDABAD, India - Reuters A jobless alcoholic burned himself to death after his wife refused to serve him meat for dinner, Indian police said Sunday. Sixty-year-old Mithailal Ram Sanjivan doused his body with a flammable liquid and set himself ablaze outside his one-room house in Ahmedabad, the main city of western Gujarat state. Police said the victim, who had been without a job for years, and his wife, Geeta Sanjivan, 54, had a scuffle over the dinner menu. The wife refused to cook meat as they could not afford it. Irritated by this, Sanjivan locked her in the house before setting himself on fire outside. May 1, 2006 - NEW YORK - AP A 76-year-old woman who drove to a cemetery to visit her husband's grave has been killed by her own car. The woman inadvertently left the car running and in gear when she stopped at the Maple Grove Cemetery in Queens Sunday afternoon, police said. She was about 50 feet from her husband's grave when the car mowed her down. She died at the scene. ======================================== May 28, 2006 - Scotland - The Scotsman Two members of a stag party from Scotland drowned yesterday when they were swept away while taking souvenir photographs on Blackpool seafront. Barry Bryce, 23, and 33-year-old Scott Hunter, both from West Lothian, were part of a 20-strong group staying at the resort. Police said that the men had gone down to the waterfront at about 9.45am and had undressed before heading for the water with the intention of going swimming. One climbed over a chain guard on the sea wall and posed for a picture on steps leading down to the water's edge. Seconds later he was hit by a wave which swept him into the sea. His friend dived in to save him but also became trapped by the steep, curving sea wall, which is 30ft high and difficult to climb. Emergency crews were alerted by dozens of 999 calls from people seeing the pair in trouble in the water near Blackpool Tower. The men were pulled from the water by a lifeboat crew, but were pronounced dead half an hour later at Blackpool Victoria Hospital. ======================================== June 7, 2006 - Grand Rapids, MI - Deeli A Jenison man died after his mini-van hit a guard rail on I-196 Sunday at 2:20 am. Ronald 'Sushi' Hammink, 32, hit the guard rail and was thrown from his van onto the highway where he was hit by another vehicle. He had been out partying with the boys, was driving while drunk, and did not have his seatbelt on. Apparently he had not learned a lesson from a similar death of another of his friends which occurred eight years ago. Sushi leaves behind a wife and two small children. ======================================== June 19, 2006 - YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, Wyo. - AP A woman lost her footing after stepping over a retaining wall to take a photograph and went over a cliff, falling 500 feet to her death in a canyon, park officials said. Deborah Chamberlin, 52, of Rockford, Mich., was visiting the park with her husband and two children, park spokesman Al Nash said Sunday. She was vice president of the school board in her west Michigan community, The Grand Rapids, Michigan Press reported in its Sunday edition. Her husband flagged down a passing motorist, who called 911 after the Saturday morning accident at an overlook along the Yellowstone River, park officials said. A ranger rappelled down the canyon wall to reach the woman, but she was dead at the scene. ======================================== August 10, 2006 - Hudson, Colo. - The Denver Channel A mother and child were killed crossing a train track in Hudson Wednesday night. The accident happened just after 11:30 p.m. near Highway 52. Adams County deputies said the victims were a 26-year-old woman and a 2-year-old child. Their identities have not been released but they were believed to be Hudson residents. Investigators believe the mother was trying to beat the Amtrak train by running across the track while carrying her child. "The train personnel looked and couldn't find anything, then fire (fire department) got on scene and found body parts," said Margie Martinez, Weld County undersheriff. The train was headed from California to Chicago and was delayed for several hours while police investigated the deaths. ======================================== September 14, 2006 - Vietnam - The Scotsman A Vietnamese man who once appeared on national television to demonstrate his ability to resist electric shocks has been electrocuted while repairing a generator. Nguyen Van Hung was killed in Tay Ninh province near the Cambodian border while repairing the generator without first cutting the power supply, a local official said. ======================================== December 17, 2006 - Cincinnati, Ohio - AP A 13-foot boa constrictor wrapped itself around its owner's neck and killed the man in his home, authorities said. An acquaintance found Ted Dres, 48, inside the snake's cage Saturday and called police, the Hamilton County Sheriff's office said. The snake was still strangling Dres when deputies arrived, and the officers had to work with members of an animal protection group to remove the reptile, the sheriff's office said. Dres' snake will be kept at an animal shelter awaiting instructions from police or Dres' family, said Andy Mahlman, spokesman for the Cincinnati Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. ======================================== If you have information about any other 2006 boneheads who earned a Darwin award, please send them to me. The information has to be real, and verifyable, not just a forward of 1994 Darwin Awards with the date changed. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== **** December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the Darwin Awards today =========================================== **** December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the Darwin Awards today ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Loretta Re: Getting rid of old download files Dear Webby: I believe I read somewhere that after updates to programs had been received and installed, then those updates could be deleted and one would have more space on the computer. Is that true, and if so, how do I do it? Loretta Dear Loretta If you are reasonably disciplined and always download updates into a download directory, for example C:\downloads, then it is easy. Then you just clean out that folder. However, if you don't pay attention and just download them to anywhere, then it becomes almost impossible. Usually, the downloads don't amount to very much, since they are zipped up or compressed in some fashion. If you are so cramped for space that deleting the download files would make a significant difference, then you are way overdue for a bigger hard drive. You can hunt down ".zip" files and delete those. CrapCleaner also makes extra space for you. You can download CrapCleaner from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 21, 2006 - Hamilton, Ontario - Reuters A video posted on the ultra-popular Web site YouTube has helped Canadian police find a man they believe responsible for a murder. Police in the Southern Ontario city of Hamilton said Thursday that they uploaded a one-minute, 12-second clip from a surveillance tape onto the video-sharing YouTube site. The video, which showed suspects arriving at a local nightclub for a Sean Price hip-hop concert, garnered media attention and was viewed more than 30,000 times. "This is the first time Hamilton police have utilized video web posting in an investigation, and to the best of its knowledge, the first time that law enforcement has ever used it as a direct investigative tool," Staff Sgt. Jorge Lasso told a news conference. George Gallow, 24, of Hamilton, who is seen in the clip wearing a baseball cap with the word "JOKER" on the front, turned himself into police Tuesday and has been charged with second degree murder and attempted murder. Gallow is accused of stabbing Ryan Milner, 22, and his friend, whom police did not name, in a parking lot after the November concert. Police said Milner died shortly after being stabbed in the chest. His friend is still recovering. "(There is) little doubt that the extra media generated by the use of YouTube contributed to the fact that this man turned himself in," Lasso said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Coconut Meat After cracking a coconut open and draining the liquid, bake the two halves in a 400 degree F oven for 25-30 minutes. The fresh coconut meat will come out very easily with a little help from a soup spoon. And your kitchen will have a tropical scent! By Annette
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
**** December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the Darwin Awards today ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== **** December 31 is the Darwin Award Roundup. This space will again have a joke tomorrow but is donated to the Darwin Awards today
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Ston, Croatia... Birthplace of Marco Polo http://tinyurl.com/sqstl Another site about Ston: Ston
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Pipe Dream 

Good morning,   !
Saturday,  December 30, 2006
======================================

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
--- Mark Twain

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Chris for this story:
My wife and her friend were talking about their
labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway.
Her friend said, "I love my new garage-door opener."
"I love mine too," my wife replied, and she honked the
horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out
and open the garage....!

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this story: John "Jack" Bolt, who went to his final reward in 2004, was the only two-war US Marine Corps ace. As a junior officer during World War II, he scored six enemy kills while flying the Vought F4U Corsair. As a major during the Korean War, he scored six more while flying the North American F-86 Sabre on an exchange tour with the US Air Force. Jack Bolt was a hoot! During a commercial airline flight several years ago, he was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms. When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing him as discreetly as possible. Jack pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related impedimenta. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, Bolt responded: "Gosh, that's a good looking baby... and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. Jack sadly shook his head, and in true fighter pilot fashion exclaimed, "Damn! And all these years I've been chewing gum. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Claude King, 31, of Boca Raton, Florida Lost Carjacker December 28, 2006 - Boca Raton, Florida - IBS Police said a man who carjacked an SUV in Boca Raton drove all the way to Palm Springs before becoming lost and calling 911 on himself. According to police reports, Claude King, 31, approached Caroline Funkey's black GMC Envoy while it was stopped at a red light in Boca Raton. The report said King smashed the driver's side window and pulled the driver out of the vehicle. Once inside, police said King began to punch the other four passengers. One of Funkey's friends, Kellina Beach, 18, struck her head on the pavement as she fell from the SUV and had to receive stitches at Boca Raton Community Hospital, police said. According to the report, once King got the passengers out of the SUV, he began to drive wildly around the area, finally heading southbound down Interstate 95. Police said that, while heading southbound, King struck a white Chevrolet pickup and decided to turn around and head north. According to the report, he then struck another vehicle along the way and decided to pull over in Palm Springs. A few minutes after the alleged carjacking, police said they received a 911 call from a pay phone in Palm Springs. It was King. "Um, I committed a crime," King allegedly told the dispatcher. "I stole a vehicle." When the dispatcher asked for his name, King allegedy said, "I'd rather do this: Could you just send the police over here?" The dispatcher then asked where the stolen car was located, to which King replied, "I couldn't even tell you. I don't even know where I'm at." Palm Springs police Officer Lt. Mark Hall said they found King sitting on the curb near the stolen SUV. According to the police report, Boca Raton police arrested King and took him to the hospital for a swollen right hand. King was then booked into the Palm Beach County Jail, where he was being held without bail. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Western sky as seen from my office yesterday, 12/29/06 If you want the big version, let me know. ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic: One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat." The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion. The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" Then he closed the door. Now THAT, my friends, is getting even! =========================================== A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carole Re: Where to return Norton Dear Webby: How can I find a phsical address to return this junky norton anti virus? I appreciate your help in this. Carole Dear Carole They would probably lock me up for conspiracy to murder if I told you. However, I really don't know. You can check their site at http://symantec.com/feedback/contactus.jsp By the way, in case you need the Norton removal tool, it's in my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 20, 2006 - Birmingham, Alabama - AP The scales of ''American Idol'' may have tipped in Ruben Studdard's favor in 2003, but there are other scales he would like to tip a bit less. After shedding almost 100 pounds, the Birmingham native and ''American Idol'' winner says he wants to help other residents of Alabama to lose weight. He's asking the 25 percent of the state's residents who are obese to lose 10 pounds in eight weeks — a total of 10 million pounds. Since committing to a weight-loss program this summer, Studdard has lost nearly 100 pounds, started eating healthier and begun exercising, according to a news release announcing the program. ''I'm not where I want to be, but I'm on the right track, and I'm excited about encouraging other Alabamians to begin their own weight-loss journeys,'' said the 28-year-old singer, whose third album, ''The Return,'' was released in October by J Records. Scale Back Alabama, an eight-week weight-loss campaign, kicks off Jan. 4 with an event featuring Studdard. The campaign is being jointly sponsored by Alabama's hospitals, the Alabama Department of Public Health and Barber Dairies.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Slicing Round Food To prevent an onion, bagel, or anything round from rolling while you slice it, cut a small slice from an edge and use that as a base. Then it it will not roll as easily and is much safer. By Janet
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, Honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== The Math Professor. posed this problem: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-third is to go to his son from his first marriage, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" A student in the back of the room answered, "A lawyer?"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Funny ad videos http://veryfunnyads.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Pipe Dream There will be a minute of ads first, just like with TV. THEN the movie will start. By the way, that music machine was NOT built from John Deere parts! Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Family Tree Program 


Good morning,   !
Friday,  December 29, 2006
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
======================================

Where is there dignity unless there is honesty?
--- Cicero

Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the
absolute rejection of authority.
--- Thomas H. Huxley

The impossible has a kind of integrity which the
merely improbable lacks.
--- Douglas Adams

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change,
and then goes back and says to the cashier,
"Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"

Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't
make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do
about it now. That's the policy of this bank!"

Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave
me twenty dollars too much. Bye. "

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three-year-old, "If you pretend you're asleep, he stops." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Miyoko Kawahara, 59, in Heguri, Nara Prefecture, Japan Woman gets 20-months for loud music Tue Dec 26, 4:23 PM ET TOKYO - A Japanese woman charged with inflicting injury on her neighbor by blasting rock music at her house for more than two years was given a 20-month prison term Tuesday, a court official said. Miyoko Kawahara, 59, was sentenced by the Osaka High Court, revoking an initial ruling that had given her a one-year prison term, court spokesman Takanao Kawasaki said. Kawahara in Heguri, Nara Prefecture (state) in western Japan, was accused of causing insomnia and headaches to her next-door neighbor by playing loud dance music almost 24 hours a day on a portable stereo she had pointed at her neighbor's house, 20 feet away. She was arrested on April 11, 2005. The two women had had a number of disagreements that police did not elaborate on. "The defendant ignored calls by local authorities and continuously played music at a high volume for some 29 months," Kyodo News agency quoted presiding Judge Hiroshi Furukawa as telling the court. In handing down a longer prison term than a local court ruling in April, this year, Furukawa told the court that the defendant "still maintains a hostile attitude toward the victim and it is highly likely she will commit the crime again," Kyodo said. Doctors had diagnosed the neighbor as having insomnia and headaches they attributed to the noise. Kawahara started blasting the music in November 2002 and continued until her arrest. Under Japanese law, those convicted of inflicting injury on another person face up to 10 years in prison and a fine of up to 300,000 yen ($2,520). ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Kids dressed up as Santas in India ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Accident Report Form I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient.... I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using a pully, which fortunately was attached to the building at the 6th floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident Reporting Form, that I weigh 145 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence-of-mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a high rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, I met the barrel coming down--this explains the fractured skull and broken collar bone.... Slowed, only so slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my hand were 2 knuckles deep into the pully. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence-of-mind, and was able to hold tightly to the rope inspite of my increasing pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottem fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 3, and as you might imagine--I began a rapid decent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, yes, I met the barrel coming up, this accounts for the 2 fractured ankles, and the lacerations on my legs and lower body.... The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only 3 vertebrae were cracked.... I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 6 stories above me, I again lost my presence-of-mind, and let go of the rope. The empty barrel weighed more than the rope--so it came down on me and broke both my legs.... I trust I have furnished you the information you require as to how this accident occurred =========================================== Safety officials in America who evacuated a school because of a disgusting smell have found its cause - a rotting packed lunch. A hazardous materials unit was sent to the secondary school in Berkeley, New Jersey to investigate the smell. They found the rotting lunch behind a row of lockers. Two teachers and a student were admitted to hospital complaining of breathing problems ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maggie Re: Family Tree Maker Dear Webby: do you have a family tree maker? maggie maggie Dear Maggie Here are the suggestions that came in: I've used Family Tree Maker http://www.familytreemaker.com/ for years and it's done a good job. The newest version, # 16 runs about $40 up to $70 when bundled with other software. I think mine is version 5 or 6 and I've seen no need to upgrade. Would imagine there are oodles of older versions available on Amazon. First though, for Maggie, or anyone else just starting out or an old hand, take a look at this site: Cyndi's List of Genealogy Sites on the Internet http://www.cyndislist.com/ Martin ---------------------------- My mom has used PAF (Personal Ancestral File) for years and years. It's free from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I believe they specialize in ancestry and have volumes upon volumes of ancestery information also. Their website is: http://www.familysearch.org/ Noella --------------------------- Here is agood source for a Family Tree maker... Bill R: http://snipurl.com/15yya http://store.worldstart.com/product.php ... amp;page=1 ---------------------------- I use Broderbund Deluxe 10 CD Set Find it easy to use and lots of good information: Roland I located that on Amazon: Amazon --------------------------- This is what I have, also you can go to www.familysearch.org/ and do a search There is pedigree charts that can be used there also. You would be surprised what you can find on that site regarding your family history, even though my family is not of the Mormon faith Jackie --------------------------- Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 20, 2006 - Sandusky, Ohio - AP Cedar Point Amusement Park roller coasters and rides shake a lot of loose change from its visitors' pockets during the summer. Now, the park is giving all of it to charity -- to the tune of $7,500. The amusement park on the shores of Lake Erie will donate the money to Victory Temple Soup Kitchen here from its loose change fund, officials said. Cedar Point employees collect and turn in any loose change found underneath rides, on the midway or in the park's fountains. The park has donated more than $170,000 to local organizations since 1988.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar for Fish Odors After frying fish or something that leaves a lingering odor in the house, put out several bowls with about a 1/2 cup white vinegar. This works well particularly in the kitchen, for several hours or overnight. The odor will disappear. By Pam
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A Slobodian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said "Let's all go to O'Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness." The Italian said "That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini's with every third round they bring a free bottle of wine to the table." The Slobodian said "That sounds fine but if we go to Kowalski's we drink for free all night and then go out into the parking lot and get laid a few times." "That sounds to good to be true!" the Irishman exclaimed. "Have you actually been there?" "No," the Slobodian replied, "but my wife goes there all the time." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== A Girl Guide troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a couple was engaged in an activity that had their heads pointing in different dirctions. "Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!" But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing. "Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!" "WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Dogsled.com's 2007 Alaska Getaway Giveaway http://www.dogsled.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Tree Maker 

Good morning,   !
Thursday,  December 28, 2006

======================================

My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits
with my net income.
--- Errol Flynn

If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self.
— Napoleon Hill

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Two friends were driving to the store and on the way, they came
upon an intersection with a stoplight.  The light showed red, but
the driver went right through the red light.  The passenger
screamed at the driver, "What are you doing?  You're going to
get us killed!"

The drive said, "Don't worry, my mother always drives like this."

Later on, they came to another stoplight which was red.  The
driver sped right through the light.  Again the passenger looked
at the driver and said, "I  thought I told you, you're gonna get
us killed!  Would you please stop this nonsense!"

The driver said, "All right!  I get it, but I told you my mother
drives like this all the time."

They came to another intersection, but this time the light was
green.  The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car
completely.  The passenger yelled, "What are you doing now?
This is the third time you almost got us killed.  Why did you
stop at a green light?"

The driver said, "My mother might be coming the other way."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== One day, a man got drunk in a bar and started a fight. The police came and took the drunk man to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked him, "Where do you work?" The man said, "Here and there." The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?" The man said, "This and that." Then the judge said, "Take him away." The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?" The judge laughed and said, "Sooner or later" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 911 callers (999 in England) December 26, 2006 - Most Assuredly Worldwide - Ananova A woman in a nightclub phoned for an ambulance after breaking a fingernail. Another woman dialed 999 saying a mouse had swallowed her medicine. Other calls included a man who needed someone to change the television channel, a man who had a dream he was unconscious and had collapsed and a caller who wanted a can of pop out of the fridge. They were among thousands of timewasters revealed to have blocked 999 lines. The North East Ambulance Service also highlighted the growing number of revellers who call an ambulance to save queuing for taxis. They fake injury then wrongly assume ambulance staff will take them home after treatment. "One was from a woman who said her boyfriend was drunk and she needed help to get him upstairs to bed. Another was from someone who wanted us to deliver a takeaway to them." Last year demand rose by 15% from November to December. Control room manager Graham Robinson said: "At this time of year, our demand increases dramatically. We urge members of the public not to call 999 unnecessarily." ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this picture: <<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Learn to fly here Learn to land there <<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ===========================================
Special New Years postcards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== "Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?" "No, but that didn't keep her from talking for two hours." =========================================== "Are you saying that your wife is outspoken?" "Not by anyone I know of." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maggie Re: Family Tree Maker Dear Webby: do you have a family tree maker? maggie maggie Dear Maggie Unfortunately, I don't. But that reminds me of a story my dad told me about 50 years ago. Seems he overheard some kid telling his father that he had learned in school that people were descendants of apes. Apparently the father blew up and yelled at his kid: "Nonsense! YOU might have decended from an ape, but I sure didn't!" If any of you have a program that you can recommend to Maggie for enumerating who climebed the tree whith whom, and who descended it, please send me the info and I'll list it here. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Christmas spirit sees off robbers A GERMAN taxi driver who shouted: "Oh, for Christ's sake, it's Christmas Eve!" when a teenage robber put a gun to his head, scared the thief away. An 18-year-old and his 16-year-old accomplice were later arrested.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Returning Items After Christmas Some stores after Christmas return policies have gotten stricter in recent years especially for people trying to return gifts without a receipt. Be sure to call ahead to find out the store's return policies to avoid waiting in long lines for nothing.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Being a husband is like any other job . . . It helps a lot if you like the boss. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living. "Mary, what does your parents do?" Lil' Mary replied "My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse." "Thats very nice," said the teacher, "Robert, what do your parents do?" Robert proudly exclaimed ,"My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!" "Thats very nice," said the teacher , "Johnny, what do your parents do?" He stood up and pronounced, "My dad's dead and my mom's a hooker." Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Fifteen minutes later, he returned. "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" asked the teacher. Johnny replied, "Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, gave me an apple and asked for my address and phone number."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Linkable Midis http://norbert26.com/midi_1/index.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Likker Screen Saver 

Good morning,   !
Wednesday,  December 27, 2006

======================================

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues,
but the parent of all others.
--- Cicero

Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing
harmful can enter except by your promotion.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on
their first morning in Ski Camp. He was surprised to see
one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked,
"Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?"

The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother....?"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== HER SIDE OF THE STORY He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar, I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit late but he didn't say anything much about it. The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny. I tried to cheer him up and started to wonder whether it was me or something else. I asked him, and he said no. But I wasn't really sure. So anyway, in the cab on the way back to his house, I said that I love him and he just put his arm around me. I didn't know what the heck that meant, because you know he doesn't say it back or anything. We finally got back to his place and I was wondering if he was going to dump me! So I tried to ask him about it but he just switched on the TV. Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to sleep. Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and we had sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave but I just cried myself to sleep. I dunno, I just don't know what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else??? HIS SIDE OF THE STORY My team lost. Felt Kinda Tired. Got laid though. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to grinches December 24, 2006 - New York - AP There's nobody nice on this Christmas list: snowman stabbers, Grinch snatchers, wreath-robbing weasels. 'Tis the season for strange crimes by even stranger people, with police blotters expanding faster than a 6-year-old's wish list of gifts. David Allen Rodgers, 42, was arrested Dec. 3 for driving while intoxicated at the wheel of a float during the annual Christmas parade in Anderson, S.C. According to witnesses, Rodgers sped down Main Street in the Steppin' Out Dance Studio float with 19 people aboard, ran a red light and led police on a 3-mile chase. In Chicago, 32 plastic baby Jesus dolls were stolen from nativity scenes set up in people's front yards. The kidnappers then lined up all the dolls along the fence outside a Chicago woman's home; she rounded them up and turned them over to her parish priest. Similar creche crimes occurred in 35 cities from Fayateville, N.C., to Mission Viejo, Calif., according to The Catholic League, which tracks nativity vandalism. In Houghton, Mich., somebody stole an inflatable Grinch from outside an apartment complex. That was just one instance in the area's rash of seasonal thievery: Two brown plastic reindeer, a baby Jesus statue and several wreaths were also stolen. In Ohio's Hamilton County, a pair of 18-year-olds were arrested for using screwdrivers to stab an inflatable 12-foot-tall Frosty the Snowman. "Why me?" asked Frosty's owner, Matt Williquette. "And why Frosty?" The snowman had survived two previous stabbing attacks. Two other local teens were arrested in an unrelated incident where they allegedly smashed a car with a large decorative candy cane, causing $1,000 worth of damage. An Oklahoma woman was arrested after she visited the Delaware County Jail with a Christmas card for her incarcerated boyfriend. Police said the card held marijuana, leading to Dawn Smith's arrest. A real-life Grinch in Yonkers, N.Y., made off with $14,000 in staff bonuses and money from the office safe during a Christmas party, police said. Daniel Rios, 38, spent $7,500 in cash but returned about $6,500 in checks, authorities said. And then there's the case of the Santa Claus kidnapping. A motorcycle-riding Santa Claus with a stuffed Rudolph in his sidecar was arrested after allegedly grabbing an 8-year old girl from outside a South Carolina convenience store. John Michael Barton, 55, was in his Claus outfit filling his bike with gas when the girl's family stopped by the store. The girl's father then saw Barton speeding off with her. After a chase at speeds of up to 80 mph, Barton pulled over his motorcycle and turned over the girl, police said. Barton was arrested later in a nearby bar. ----------------------------- Usually little ol' Australia seems to match or beat the mighty US when it comes to wacky crimes and pranks. However, they have been very quiet lately. So it seems that these wacky crimes are not really Christmas related, but more due to the short daylight hours and are just Season's Greetings. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "but no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute." =========================================== Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road, when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood. The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again; this time he is crouched behind a tree stump. "My, what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," claims Little Red Riding Hood. Again, the surprised wolf jumps up and runs away. About 2 miles down the path, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign. "My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood. With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost? I'm just trying to go to the bathroom!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Vi Re: Likker Screen Saver Dear Webby: My computer crashed again and Son-in-law ( David) took it home..... Christmas eve he and daughter Roberta gave me a new one...he was tired of trying to fix the (4years) old one. I hope this one will last until I get Eudora and DSL when we get moved to AR. in the Spring. Do me another favor, pretty please with sugar on it?? resend me "Likker" the kitty screensaver. It is missing from my folders along with all my Webshot pictures. David at least didn't delete my pictures from Family Tree Maker. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, just that I like what I save. I just saved your tree and the ornament you attached with it. lol Hugs, great granny Vi Dear Vi You can download likker.exe from http://webby.com/humor/likker.exe As for your webshot and other pictures, ask him to 1) Make a new folder in C:\ and label it JPG 2) Do a search for *.JPG and move all the JPG's that the computer finds into that new JPG folder. 3) Burn that folder onto one or more CD's. It's fast and easy, and can even be done from safe mode. They won't be sorted the way you had them, but all your JPG pictures will be on that CD. Then the same can be done for GIF, PPS, mwv, etc. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Michael Warren had a lot of lose. The 20-year-old Wintersville resident who once tipped the scales at more than 300 pounds lost 125 pounds in 18 months to pursue a career in law enforcement. He was sworn in as a deputy sheriff in Ohio County on Monday, two days after he married his high-school sweetheart of six and a half years. "I got a wedding ring and a badge, and I closed on a house in one weekend," Warren said. Before embarking on his journey to better fitness, Warren said, he couldn't do one push up and didn't have the endurance to run very far. Now he can do 30 push-ups and runs nearly every day, managing to clock 1.5 miles in under 16 minutes. He said his new wife Theresa, was the "angel on my shoulder" who helped him curb his urge to splurge. "I'm sure she whacked my hands a few times," he said Tuesday. With his wife's help, Warren said he limited his daily intake to no more than 30 grams of fat a day and worked up to running a mile or two every day, lifting weights and doing bench presses. Warren, a self-professed band geek, was studying music education at Cleveland State University when he decided to pursue a career in law enforcement. He transferred to the Weirton campus of West Virginia Northern Community College to study criminal justice before taking an internship with the Steubenville Police Department. Jim Tully, a criminal justice professor, said Warren excelled in the classroom. "He set the standard in every course," Tully said. "In class, he demonstrates leadership." Warren's wife said she is proud of her husband. "He didn't think he had the confidence, but he showed what can be done if you really want to do something," she said. Warren said he is in a job surrounded by people who are committed to fitness. There's no way he would ever slip back to the days when he ate just "to pass time," he said. "I'm happy to be where I am now."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save on Wrapping Paper The best time to buy cheap wrapping is just after Christmas. If you buy plain colors or less seasonal patterns the wrapping paper can be used year round for other gifts.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Morris sent his wife a message that he'd be home a day earlier than planned. Arriving at the house, he discovered his wife Sherry in bed with another man. Bitterly, Morris stormed out of the house, checked into a hotel, and planned a divorce action. His thoughts were interrupted by a call from his mother-in-law. She believed that there was no doubt a good explanation for her daughter's behavior. Morris told her to buzz off. The next day his mother-in-law called again. "Didn't I tell you?" she said. "Didn't I tell you there was a simple explanation? I just got through talking to Sherry your wife....... She never got your telegram! You should have used email! It's all YOUR fault!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== After church, Johnny tells his parents he has to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree, and the pastor greets the family. "Pastor," Johnny says, "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust." "That's right, Johnny, I did," he says. "And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust." "Yes, I'm glad you were listening," the pastor replies. "Why do you ask?" "Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cookie Jar Collection http://cookiejarcollection.com/slideshow.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: What's a Clickbook ? 

Merry Christmas,   !
Tuesday,  December 26, 2006
Traditionally St Walmart's day, and recently also
Kwaanza, at least for politically correct Afro-Americans
in the USA, who want to extend the gift buying season
by a week beyond the Christmas Specials.
Happy Kwaanza!

======================================

Never go out to meet trouble. If you will just sit still,
in nine cases out of ten
someone will intercept it before it reaches you.
--- Calvin Coolidge

So many of our dreams at first seem impossible,
then they seem improbable, and then when we summon
the will, they soon become inevitable."
--- Christopher Reeve

Things could be worse. I could be one of my creditors.
---Henny Youngman

=======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got Clickbook years ago and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
60 day warranty!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Two caterpillars are sitting on a leaf when a butterfly
zooms by, startling them.

One turns to the other and says, "Boy, you'll never get ME
up in one of those things."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Barry Cooper, of Tyler, Texas December 22, 2006 - Tyler, Texas - AP A one-time Texas drug agent described by his former boss as perhaps the best narcotics officer in the country plans to market a how-to video on concealing drugs and fooling police. Barry Cooper, who has worked for small police departments in East Texas, plans to launch a Web site next week where he will sell his video, "Never Get Busted Again," the Tyler Morning Telegraph reported in its online edition Thursday. A promotional video says Cooper will show viewers how to "conceal their stash," "avoid narcotics profiling" and "fool canines every time." Cooper, who said he favors the legalization of marijuana, made the video in part because he believes the nation's fight against drugs is a waste of resources. Cooper said his Web site should be operating by Tuesday. As a drug officer, Cooper said, he made more than 800 drug arrests and seized more than 50 vehicles and $500,000 in cash and assets. "He was even better than he says he was," said Tom Finley, Cooper's former boss on a West Texas drug task force and now a private investigator in Midland. "He was probably the best narcotics officer in the state and maybe the country during his time with the task force." News of the video has angered authorities, including Richard Sanders, an agent with the Tyler Drug Enforcement Agency. Sanders said he plans to investigate whether the video violates any laws. Smith County Deputy Constable Mark Waters, a narcotics officer, said the video is insulting to law enforcement officials. "This is a slap in the face to all that we do to uphold the laws and keep the public safe," he said. ------------------------------------------------- Double Bonehead: 1) Guess which places the cops are going to check first, once the video is out? 2) Telling th 800 or so people that he busted, exactly where his office is, might not be such a smart idea, especially considering that he probably won't get very enthusiastic help from the current cops. ===========================================
Need some unique New Years cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== hanks to my dad for sending this picture. ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A state trooper notices a car weaving in the road, and when he pulls it over a beautiful woman gets out. She is clearly under the influence, but just to make sure he gives her the breathalyzer test. Sure enough, she's over the limit, so the trooper says, "Madam, you've had a couple of stiff ones. "Oh," says the lady, "it shows that too?" =========================================== Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally the 10 year old said to her younger sister, "Well you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill farmer Re: ClickBook Dear Webby: I might buy one if I knew what a clickbook is - any help? Bill Dear Bill ClickBook is printer software. Once you install it, you can print stuff in about 170 different formats,from day-planners to posters. You just hit PRINT and then select for example "Folded Paperback". It then re-formats whatever you plan to print, runs all the front sides, then tells you to drop the printed stack down into the input tray again, and prints the back sides. When done, you just fold it, and you have a paperback book size booklet, all correctly collated and ready for stapling. That way you have smaller, easier to read pages, and save 75% on paper and on ink. You don't have to worry about what page goes onto the back side of page 1 or beside page 15. It does all that for you. All you do is select the format. I use it for all e-books. Instead of a stack of loose papers, I have nice, paperback size booklets that are easy to stand on the shelf like any other books, and are of course a LOT more manageable for reading on a plane or in a car. I also print out warranties and manuals the same way. "Folded Paperback" is just one out of about 170 different formats that you can choose from. It's not just e-books that you can print, but EVERYTHING. ClickBook doesn't care if the stuff to be printed originated in email, a spreadsheet, word processor, web page, paint program, whatever. It just intercepts the print jobs and formats them the way you want them. And when you want to print normal, full size, you simply select the normal printer. CTRL P brings up the Print dialog, and you hit OK to print with your default printer or select ClickBook. In that dialog box it appears as if it was a different printer. If you choose it, you get to choose the format, and then you hit OK. Probably sounds complicated the way I describe it, but it's actually quite simple and straightforward. You can order it from the link in the side menu, where I have had it amongst the essentials for ages, or with this shortcut: ClickBook http://webby.com/clickbook Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 17, 2006 - Sussex, UK -BBC News A 91-year-old man from East Sussex has become the oldest person in Britain to go paragliding, according to his son. Reg Rose-Innes, from Beddingham, flew above Devil's Dyke in Sussex for a 20-minute flight at 800ft (243m). He said after the tandem flight: "It was marvellous being up in the air. It was a gorgeous view and lovely day." Mr Rose-Innes' son, Crispin, 57, said: "We thought it would be a wonderful opportunity for my father to have a go before he bites the bullet." The 91-year-old added that his son, Crispin, "pushed me into it." Crispin Rose-Innes, who has been paragliding with his wife for seven years, said his father was "most definitely the oldest person in Britain to have ever flown in a paraglider". Pilot Owen Latham said Mr Rose-Innes had watched paragliders out of his kitchen window for the past 20 years and had always thought about doing it. "It just shows that the sport is open to all ages. I think it's amazing," he said. Asked if he would repeat today's flight, Mr Rose-Innes, a retired grassland ecologist, said: "If I get a chance. If people can put up with doddery old men trying to fly. It was terrific."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Label Boxes of Decorations Be sure to label your boxes of Christmas decorations and try to be as detailed as possible. This could save you time next Christmas if you decide you don't want to use all your decorations but just select some items.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Sadie and Yetta, two widows, are talking: Sadie: "That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Yetta: "Vell.... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. An like such a mench he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die from. Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but such a beautiful car.....a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for a dinner.....Marvelous dinner. Lobster even. Den ve go see a show....let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much I could just die from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment, and into an ANIMAL he turns. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me, two times he does!" Sadie: "Oy! Vey...so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Yetta: "No... I'm just saying that if you go, wear an old dress...." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== The suave Central American diplomat was talking to the prim and proper Washington hostess. "In my country," he said, "the most popular of all activities is making love." Shocked, the wide eyed hostess said, "Oh!! Isnt that revolting!" "No," the diplomat said. "That's our second favorite activity...."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Christmas in Antarctica http://www.cvc.org/christmas/antarctica.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Sand Pillow 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  December 23, 2006
======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

I got mine and use it all the time.
Sooner or later you are going to get it too,
but if you snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
_________________________________________

The secret of joy in work is contained in one word -
excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it.
--- Pearl S. Buck

Economics is extremely useful as a form of
employment for economists.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith

A husband is like a fire,
he goes out when unattended.
--- Evan Esar

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices
that one of the items for sale is a large parrot.
He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it
comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding
proceeds hot and heavy with someone always
bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot
is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes
to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer,
"Can the bird talk?"

The auctioneer replied,
"Who do you think was bidding against you...?"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== This woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone." The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? My goodness, how big was it?" Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dawn E. Smith, 44, of Grove, Oklahoma Free Christmas dinner for her December 18, 2006 - Jay, Oklahoma - AP Police arrested a woman after finding marijuana in a Christmas card she tried to give her jailed boyfriend. Dawn E. Smith, 44, of Grove, was arrested in connection with the incident at the Delaware County Jail. She is accused of trying to distribute a controlled substance and bringing a controlled substance into a jail. Her boyfriend, Steven McRae Jones, 26, pleaded guilty on Nov. 1 to charges that he repeatedly rammed Smiths car and took a swing at the arresting officer. He is awaiting transport to the Department of Corrections, where he will serve four years. Dawn Smith will likely spend a similar amount of time in jail. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Santa training for Sunday night ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== The young lady said to Grandpa, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you put your hand in front of your mouth." "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???" =========================================== A synagogue honors its Rabbi for a quarter-century of service by sending him to Hawaii on a well-deserved vacation, all expenses paid. The President of the synagogue decides that in addition to the trip, the Rabbi should have fun and he makes arrangements to have a call-girl available for the Rabbi at all times. When the Rabbi walks into his hotel room, there is this nude girl lying on the bed and she informs the Rabbi that she is his at any time during his vacation. The Rabbi, stunned and extremely embarrassed, demands to know who arranged this little situation, and of course, the girl is compelled to tell him. The Rabbi immediately picks up the phone, calls the synagogue, and gets through to the President of the congregation. 'Where is your respect'? he growls. 'How could you do something like this?' 'I must be held in high esteem by each and every member of this congregation. As your Rabbi, I am very, very angry with you!' As he continues to berate the President, the girl rises sheepishly from the bed, not wanting to further embarrass the Rabbi. As she stands, the Rabbi says 'Where the heck are you going? ....I'm not mad at you!' ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: More camera rests There is another type of camera rest that I have used quite a bit and that you can quickly make as a Christmas gift. It's called a Sand Pillow. Find an old, scuffed leather purse about 3" x 4" or a bit smaller. Fill it with dry sand or uncooked rice or corn meal. Avoid shiny patent leather. Ideal is limp old suede. A short length of sleeve from an old motorcycle jacket works quite nicely too. Sew or glue it shut permanently. A sand pillow like that works beautifully on a car roof, rocks, wood, anything. You can nestle the camera into the pillow and it will hold it steady enough for even the longest zoom shots. Any serious photographer will definhitely appreciate a sand pillow as a Christmas gift and keep it around longer than the current camera. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Bakersfield.com News Alert KHSD to change winter and spring breaks to Christmas and Easter breaks Kern High School District trustees voted 4-1 Thursday morning to change the names of winter and spring breaks to Christmas and Easter breaks. Trustees Ken Mettler, Chad Vegas, Bryan Batey and Joel Heinrichs voted in favor of the name change. Board president Bob Hampton voted against it. Mettler and Vegas said they voted for the name change to uphold American tradition. “Christmas is a federal holiday,” Mettler said. “It can certainly be recognized at the Kern High School District level.” Batey said he voted in favor of the change for many reasons including that he believes it has wide community support. Heinrichs hesitated and said he was torn before the vote. He said he ultimately voted in favor of the change so the community could move on to other educational issues. “It is a reasonable accommodation of tradition and less distracting for students in the long term,” Heinrichs said after the vote. -------------------------------- And I bet none of them were willing to give up the statutory Christmas Day holiday pay.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Liquor Store Boxes Visit your local liquor store and see if they have any boxes to spare. They almost always do. Pick out some boxes with cardboard dividers which are used for shipping bottles. These boxes are great for storing and protecting breakable ornaments. Save your tissue paper and wrapping paper from presents to wrap your ornaments before putting them in the box. Christmas time is when they have the biggest pile of boxes and a good time to stock up on clean, sturdy boxes.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Dear Webby, Thank you for the humor letter. The hints are great about the computers. Love the pictures and the jokes. Keep up the good work. Merry Chritmas and a very Happy New Year, Shirley -------------------- Dear Webby, Your "Scared of Santa" extra today did me in. I was crying from laughing so hard. Some of the Santas are funnier than the kids. Thanks for a good laugh. Carol --------------------- There were lot more letters and many Christmas cards. I only got room for two here, but want to thank all of you! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Ladder Pod 

Good Morning,   !

Friday,  December 22, 2006
wear something red today to show your support of the troops
======================================

If you want Clickbook for your own or somebody else's
Christmas present at $20 off, better hurry! In a few days it
will go back to the normal price. Click on the ClickBook
icon in the left side menu, or go to
Clickbook

Sooner or later you are going to get it anyway, but if you
snooze, you loose $20. Click on it now!
_________________________________________


O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
--- Saint Augustine

There are two types of people--
those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!'
and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'
--- Frederick L Collins

Sanity is a madness put to good use.
--- George Santayana

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Rubye for this story:
Little  Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few
days. He'd been playing  outside with the other kids for
a while when he came into the house and  asked her,
"Grandma, what is that called when two people are
sleeping in  the same room and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken  aback, but decided to tell him
the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse,  darling."

Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK"
and went back outside to talk and  play with the other
kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said
angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual  intercourse!
It's  called Bunk Beds!"

"And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to  you!!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this story: Officer Candidate School at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, was tough. During an inspection, a fellow soldier received 30 demerits for a single penny found in his area. Ten demerits were for "valuables insecure," ten demerits because the penny wasn't shined, and ten more because Abraham Lincoln needed a shave. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an absentminded granny in Los Angeles, CA Free X-Ray December 20, 2006 - Los Angeles, California - AP A woman mistakenly put her month-old grandson through an X-ray machine at Los Angeles International Airport, authorities said. A startled security worker noticed the shape of a child on the carry-on baggage screening monitor and immediately pulled him out, the Los Angeles Times reported for a story in Wednesday's editions. The infant was taken to a local hospital, where doctors determined he did not receive a dangerous dose of radiation. ------------------------------------- The "Flying Dot" X-Ray used at airports is so weak and harmless, that it does not even fog or mark camera film, yet it can show more detail than the high powered hospital X-Ray. I have often wondered why they are not upgrading to the same technology in hospitals. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Gary for this picture: S116-E-05983 (12 Dec. 2006) --- Backdropped by New Zealand and Cook Strait in the Pacific Ocean, astronaut Robert L. Curbeam Jr. (left) and European Space Agency (ESA) astronaut Christer Fuglesang. Cook Strait divides New Zealand's North and South Islands. ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Recently my girlfriend, Karen, got a job at a local hardware store. "The owner doesn't want us hanging out with our friends," she said. "If you stop by, tell them you're my brother." On my first visit I walked to the customer service desk and asked the older woman there, "Is Karen around?" When she looked at me quizzically, I added, "I'm her brother." She smiled. "What a nice surprise. I'm Karen's mother." =========================================== Dave irritated everyone in our office. Whether it was the tone of his voice or his condescending attitude, we all steered clear. He must have suspected he was annoying, because he asked a co-worker, "Why does everyone take an instant dislike to me?" Larry responded, "It saves time." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: Camera tripod bolt Dear Webby, I am very interested in what you were saying about the bolt and the camera. I followed your instructions to connecting to a camera, but you lost me when you menitoned it bolting to a ladder. How? For the life of me I cannot visualize how you are doing that. Please 'splain! Thanks, just plain Jai Dear Jai Sometimes it's easier to draw a diagram: By the way, the "20" in 1/4" x 20 refers to the type of thread. 20 threads per inch, not to the length of the bolt. The length is not critical, as long as it is long enough. Instead of drilling a hole through the step, you can of course do the same with a shelf. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 16, 2006 - Union, South Carolina - AP A man who parked illegally in a space reserved for handicapped drivers was sentenced to stand outside the store with a sign telling everyone about his crime. Ragheem Smith, 29, stood in front of a Bi-Lo grocery store Thursday with a handmade sign that read "I am not handicapped. I just parked there, sorry." Magistrate Jeff Bailey imposed the sentence. "I figured he needed to apologize in a public way," Bailey said. Smith told Bailey he didn't have the money and couldn't afford the time away from work that a jail sentence would require. He could have been sentenced to 30 days in jail or fined $325. "That was better than having to pay a lot of money," Smith said of his punishment. "I know I won't do it no more."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Newspaper and Ornaments Do not store Christmas ornaments wrapped in newspaper. The ink may come off on the ornaments while in storage. The ink can be tough to remove from some ornaments, especially cloth and plastic ones. Instead use tissue paper, wrapping paper, or kraft paper.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Todd was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?" Todd replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?" Todd replied, "The same place where you got that silly train." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Dear Webby, Thank you and a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and you staff. Keep up thegreat work. It is wonderful. Goldy --------------------- Thank you so very much for your newsletter. It's a touch of sunshine in my life and although I'm pretty computer illiterate, I manage to share some of the jokes with others in my e-mails, to spread the rays a little farther. A very Merry Christmas to you and yours, Rae
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: made HOW ? http://www.madehow.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Shading Camera LCD 

Good Morning,   !
Wenesday,  December 20, 2006
======================================

"Seasons Greetings" is a snowball onto the snout of a bigot.
From me to you, it's Merry Christmas!
DearWebby

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to
discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely
under water.

"That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he
said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"

"Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are
you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== An old lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse, broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her not to climb any stairs. Several months later, the doctor took off the cast. "Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady. "Yes," he replied. "Thank goodness!" she said. "I'm sick and tired of shinnying up and down that drainpipe!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== December 31 will be a Darwin Award special with all the Darwin Awards of THIS year. (Not re-runs of ancient ones) Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Timothy Clinch, 31, in Laguna Niguel, California Dopey Robber December 17, 2006 - Laguna Niguel, California - AP A woman outsmarted an apparently drug-addled burglar who threatened her with a sword, authorities said. Robin Ricketts, 52, said she awoke early Thursday when she heard strange noises coming from her home office. Downstairs, she found a man with an 18-inch sword getting ready to make off with her computer and other electronics, said sheriff's spokesman Jim Amormino. The man, identified as Timothy Clinch, 31, allegedly then held the sword to Ricketts' throat, forcing her into a chair. The burglar told Ricketts that he had tied up her husband. But Ricketts said she knew her husband was sleeping upstairs, along with their two children. "He was completely delusional," Ricketts said. When the intruder ran outside, apparently in pursuit of Rickett's husband, whom he believed had escaped, Ricketts locked the door behind him. Authorities soon found Clinch hiding behind a nearby SUV and arrested him. Sheriff's officials who booked Clinch on charges of burglary, kidnapping and assault with a deadly weapon said he had narcotics in his system. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this picture: OOPS, should have parked a bit closer to hang those Christmas lights! ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== The manager of a large office noticed one of his department heads had hired a new man, so the boss called him into his office for a little orientation speech. "What is your name?" he asked. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last names only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. John Darling." "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..." =========================================== Asked by his teacher to spell "straight," the third-grade boy did so without error. "Excellent," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?" "Without water." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Shading Camera LCD Dear Webby, I just read this letter. Thanks so much for the fun. Reading your tip on digital flash brought up a question I have had for some time now. I find it difficult to see what I am trying to take when taking pics in the sunlight, before actually taking the pic. I usually have the sun at my back. Do you have any suggestions on how I can cut the glare on the LCD screen? Thanks for the letter & help section. Merry Christmas to a good friend. Sharon Dear Sharon Nothing new about that. Look at a drawing or picture of a photographer from 200 years ago. You will see them wear a stylish Count Dracula cape, but made from lightweight, cool black or navy satin. You just flip that forward over your head, and the camera is in the shade. Sure, you can do the same with a skirt if you don't mind some extra exposure. A large sombrero can also be helpful, and I have seen funnels made from stiff leather, but they are very cumbersome and awkward. You can make a cape from an old satin sheet or fake silk scarves, and I have seen some that were white or pearl on the outside and lined with black on the inside. A cape made from parachute rayon "silk" folds small enough to fit into a shirt pocket. Just don't lend your cape to another photographer. You'll never get it back. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 19, 2006 - Grand Rapids, Michigan - Deeli When Akayla Weatherbee was merely four years old, she and her father sought the assistance of the local wildlife rehab center www.wildlife-rehab-center.org to seek their assistance in helping an injured animal. Even at the tender age of four, Akayla never forgot the kindness, compassion and commitment that the WRC staff demonstrated for its wildlife. Nearly two years later, Akayla returned the favor. On the eve of her sixth birthday, Akayla demonstrated her love and compassion for the animals by asking for WRC donations in lieu of birthday presents for her upcoming birthday party. Armed with a grin and over $100.00 in donations, Akayla proudly presented her donation, asking only for a few fallen swan feathers in return as a souvenir of her visit to WRC.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Address Books and Christmas Card List I came up with an idea for remembering those friends and families you wish to send a Christmas card to every year. In your address book, using a red or green marker, place a "C" for Christmas next to last name of each person you wish to have on your Christmas list. This can easily been done even if you have your list on a PDA or computerized. By Marnita
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl asked, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out & wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a grinning little old lady who was standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Amy Der Webby: I just wanted to say how much I appreciate your site and have grown to depend on it for a steady stream of laughs. I simply love the Sniveling Ninny award and would love to donate some family names to the list. Have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful and insightful New Year! Amy in Franklin, IN. Dear Amy For family members like that, there is the personal Sniveling Ninnie Award. You can print it off the page at Ninnies http://webby.com/humor/i/ninnie.jpg and just fill in the names. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Easter Island http://www.mysteriousplaces.com/Easter_Island/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Lighting for Digital Cameras 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  December 19, 2006
======================================

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes,
only sooner.
--- Tallulah Bankhead

Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
--- Milton Friedman

We are bits of stellar matter that got cold by accident,
bits of a star gone wrong.
--- Sir Arthur Eddington

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses.
Drinks right out of the bottle.
--- Henny Youngman

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Martin for this story:

Mrs. Johnson decided to have her portrait painted by a famous
artist. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings,
a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."

"But you are not wearing any of those things."

"I know," said Mrs. Johnson. "My health is not good and my
husband is having an affair with his secretary.
When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want her to go
nuts looking for the jewelry."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Glenn for this story: A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll." The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box.. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?" "Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Ted Dres, 48, of Hamilton County, Ohio Constrictor constricted December 17, 2006 - Cincinnati, Ohio - AP A 13-foot boa constrictor wrapped itself around its owner's neck and killed the man in his home, authorities said. An acquaintance found Ted Dres, 48, inside the snake's cage Saturday and called police, the Hamilton County Sheriff's office said. The snake was still strangling Dres when deputies arrived, and the officers had to work with members of an animal protection group to remove the reptile, the sheriff's office said. Dres' snake will be kept at an animal shelter awaiting instructions from police or Dres' family, said Andy Mahlman, spokesman for the Cincinnati Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Thanks to Trevor for this story: Did you follow my advice about kissing your girl when she least expects it?" asked the sophisticated college senior of his younger fraternity brother. "Oh, heck," said the fellow with the swollen eye, "I thought you said where." =========================================== The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that we need more supervision. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Georgina Re: Lighting Dear Webby, I realize that flash ruins pictures, so what's your secret for Christmas pictures? Thanks Georgina Dear Georgina You can use a flash, if it is a detachable or remote slave flash, held about as far away as you can reach. If you don't have a slave flash, get one of those rectangular Quartz work lights, that look like an outdoor security light but have a big alligator clip instead of a pipe mount, and can be clipped to a stepladder or shelf. They cost about $12 and provide a very nice and warm light. Again, the best location for the light is an arms length to the side of you and half an arms length higher than the camera. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 16, 2006 - Milwaukee, Wisconsin -AP A remote control invented by a Cedarburg, Wis., man has been added to a device that lets people turn off their lights by clapping and is being test-marketed in several U.S. cities. "I've taken that to the next generation," Mark Grossmeyer, 51, said. "It's called The Clapper Plus." The Clapper has been demonstrated in television commercials for years by a grey-haired lady who keeps forgetting to turn her light off before crawling into bed and uses the device to do so by clapping. Grossmeyer combined the original device with a portable remote control to create The Clapper Plus, which is now being test-marketed by Joseph Enterprises of San Francisco in Milwaukee; Boston; Detroit; Tampa, Fla.; Providence, R.I.; and Portland, Ore. Company owner Joseph Pedott would like to broaden the product's appeal to a younger demographic and said the addition of the remote control, which operates from eight metres away, should help people who can't move around easily. "And (it could) also (help) if they have arthritic hands and they can't clap," he said. Grossmeyer, a full-time electrical engineer and part-time basement inventor, has also dreamed the VCR Co-Pilot. The later device was also sold by Joseph Enterprises. Grossmeyer said VCR Co-Pilot said sold almost one million units.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plant Cuttings for Gifts I often give plants that I have started from cuttings as gifts. To brighten these up I use a water pic from the florist with one or 2 blossoms from my yard to add a bit of color. I stick the pic into the soil, and make a bow that matches in color or compliments the flowers or the pot and voila! By Linda
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all." ========================================== A prospective juror was being questioned by the District Attorney for a murder trial that had been in all the papers. "If the defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could you kill him for his crime ?" "Well, no." replied the man. "But I could do it on Saturday if that would be OK." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Der Webby: This is to wish you a very Merry Christmas, and all the thank you's in the world for your daily Humor Letter, which has cheered us all year round. Cheers! Manin ----------------------- Just wanted to take a moment and thank you for all the work and effort that goes into this newsletter that is enjoyed so much! Merry Christmas to you and yours! Billie in Fl
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Rebel Yell 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  December 18, 2006
======================================

Whether you think you can, or you think you can not...
     ... You are Right!
--- Henry Ford

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I
grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well,"
said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday  anyway, and I
figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a good Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys instead!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michelle Baldwin of Riverside, California Severe Bimbo Malfunction December 14, 2006 - Riverside, California - AP A high school choir was told to stop singing Christmas carols by Michelle Baldwin, acting like a bigoted bimbo, and backed up by a city policeman, AFTER an ice skating show featuring Olympic medalist Sasha Cohen, faking concern the skater would be offended because Michelle Baldwin decided that Cohen must be Jewish, with a name like that. While that proves Baldwin to be a racist bigot, it does not make Cohen Jewish. Cohen, who is half-Christian and "celebrates everything" during the holidays, learned only through news reports that the choir had been cut off on her account, the 22-year-old skater's mother and manager said. "Sasha was stunned. We both thought the voices were just lovely, they were doing such a wonderful job," Galina Cohen told Reuters. "Christmas carols are part of celebrating the holiday season." Cohen's mother said the 2006 Olympic silver medalist and U.S. National Champion had taken part in Christmas tree lighting ceremonies at New York's Rockefeller Center and in California. -------------------------------- Well, Virginia, now you know what kind of person we call a bigot. And if you throw a snowball onto that bigot's snout, we would call that "Season's Greetings". But from me to you, it's "Merry Christmas!" And yes, it is quite OK to wish a "Merry Christmas" to people who are not Christians. They too get a paid statutory holiday on Christmas Day, and they too can, and usually do, take advantage of all the Christmas specials at Walmart and DELL and many other stores. If you have Jewish friends, please keep in mind that most of them would prefer that you wish them a Merry Christmas, rather than asking them for the exact dates of Chanukhah. And they are not going to get into a snit if you send them a Christmas card or gift. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: WhiteOrchid taken121606 ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A man walked into a dress shop and told the clerk he wanted to buy an evening gown for his wife for Christmas. "What size?" asked the clerk. The man shrugged blankly. Trying to help, the clerk inquired, "Well then, what are your wife's measurements?" The man thought for a moment. "Small, medium, and large, in that order...." =========================================== The old lady was aging more rapidly than he wanted. "Your gout is getting worse," said the doctor. "I recommend that you give up smoking, drinking and sex for a while." "WHAT!" said the woman, "just so's I can walk a little better? If it wasn't for smoking, drinking and sex I wouldn't get out of my rocker in the first place!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Paul Re: Typo Dear Webby, Enjoy your newsletter daily. I noted a typo a few days ago that has been reappearing. I write a newsletter too and have someone else proof read as I tend to see what I wrote, not actually what I may have typed. In you promotion for your Christmas book the line This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that shold could be corrected. Thanks again, and I hope your efforts bring you as much prosperity as they bring enjoyment to your fans. Merry Christmas Paul D Dear Paul Thanks for the "heads-up" ! Got it fixed now. You got a very interesting site there. Even a quick glance showed me that I could spend a lot of time learning there. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 16, 2006 - San Antonio, Texas - AP The Good Bytes Cafe has stained concrete floors, jars of scones and a small bank of computers in the corner, making it much like any Internet cafe. But the computers _ outfitted with a joystick mouse, magnifying software and equipment allowing people to point and click with their eye movements, make Good Bytes one of just a handful nationwide specifically designed for disabled users. The cafe, which held its grand opening Friday, is a first for Goodwill Industries, the nonprofit best known for selling used clothing and furniture at its thrift stores nationwide. "We're the first, but we won't be the last," said Rebecca Helterbrand, marketing vice president for Goodwill Industries of San Antonio. Goodwill has long had job centers around San Antonio to help disabled residents find work, but surveys found that 70 percent of the area's disabled are unemployed and 60 percent don't have computer skills, she said. Because of the correlation between joblessness and lack of computer skills, Goodwill wanted to build something that would give more disabled people access to assistive technology. The nonprofit also wanted to do it in a setting as likely to be filled with nearby office workers and tourists as the disabled, Helterbrand said. The cafe, funded with a $125,000 grant from San Antonio based AT&T Inc., will be supported by food sales and will double as a location to train disabled food service workers, she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thrifty Gift Tags Cut the top part of used greeting cards off, then cut this down to whatever size (and shape) you wish, depending on the design. (If it's an angel, just cut her out.) I also like to use hearts or other shapes that perhaps match the occasion for the gift you will use them on. Punch a hole in it, write your sentiments on the back, and attach to your package with a colored ribbon or raffia. By Patricia
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Pete had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Pete went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Pete slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday...?" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Chenli for this Chinese Christmas Link Chinese Christmas http://christmas.8wish.com/?stra=%u9648%u4E3D Thanks to Sandie for this old favorite Bonus Link: Dominic The Donkey http://members.shaw.ca/cybernana/funpag ... minick.htm Thanks to Dianne for the Southern Christmas Link Southern Reindeer http://home.att.net/~mcp3_2000/_christm ... indeer.htm Interestingly enough, the Chinese censorship won't allow access to that page. It seems the concept of a reindeer with a John Deere tractor hat letting out a rebel yell is considered a bit too subversive and revolutionary.
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Screen saver / Power saver 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  December 17, 2006
======================================

It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
--- Voltaire

If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
--- Mel Brooks

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Deeli for bringing back this classic:
 As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each
of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young
Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?", she
asked.

Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my
twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we
sing hymns, then we come home very late, and we put mince
pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then, all
excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come
with all our toys".

"Very nice Patrick", she said.

"Now, Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?"
"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mom
and Dad and we sing carols, and we get home ever so late.
We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our
stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring
our presents."

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting
to leave him out of the discussion, she asked,
"Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes
home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we
drive to his toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the
empty shelves and begin to sing
'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'.
Then we all go to the Bahamas ...."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Rheta for sending this poem: When I was very little, All the Grandmas that I knew All walked around this world, In ugly grandma shoes. You know the ones I speak of, Those black clunky heeled kind, They just looked so very awful That it weighed upon my mind, For I knew, when I grew old, I'd have to wear those shoes, I'd think of that, from time to time It seemed like such bad news. I never was a rebel, I wore saddle shoes to school. And next came ballerinas Then the sandals, pretty cool. And then came spikes with pointed toes, Then platforms, very tall, As each new fashion came I wore them, one and all. But always, in the distance, Looming in my future, there, Was that awful pair of ugly shoes, The kind that Grandmas wear. I eventually got married And then I became a Mom. Our kids grew up and left, And then their children came along. I knew I was a Grandma And the time was drawing near, When those clunky, black, old lace up shoes Was what I'd have to wear. How would I do my gardening? Or take my morning hike? I couldn't even think about How I would ride my bike! But fashions kept evolving, And one day I realized That the shape of things to come Was changing, right before my eyes. And now, when I go shopping What I see, fills me with glee. For, in my jeans and Reeboks I'm as comfy as can be. And I look at all these teenage girls And there, upon their feet Are clunky, black, old Grandma shoes, And they really think they're neat. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michelle Baldwin of Riverside, California Bimbo Malfunction December 14, 2006 - Riverside, California - AP A high school choir was asked to stop singing Christmas carols during an ice skating show featuring Olympic medalist Sasha Cohen out of concern the skater would be offended because she's Jewish. A city staff member, accompanied by a police officer, approached the Rubidoux High School Madrigals at the Riverside Outdoor Ice Skating Rink just as they launched into "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman" and requested that the troupe stop singing, the Riverside Press-Enterprise reported Thursday. Cohen, the 2006 Olympic silver medalist and 2006 U.S. National Champion, had just finished her performance at the rink on the downtown pedestrian mall, and was signing autographs. Choir director Staci Della-Rocco said she complied with the request "because a policeman told me to stop. I didn't want to have a big huge scene in front of my kids," according to the newspaper. The city staff member, special-events employee Michelle Baldwin, could not be reached for comment. City Development Director Belinda J. Graham confirmed the incident. "This request was simply made by a staff member who was attempting to be sensitive to the celebrity guest, without considering the wider implications ... or consulting with her supervisor for guidance," Graham said in an e-mail to the newspaper. Mayor Ron Loveridge called the incident "unfortunate." "You kind of wish people do a little checking first. You certainly have my apology," he said, referring to the choir members. A spokeswoman with the New York-based PR firm that helped promote the event said Cohen did not make the request to silence the singers. -------------------------- Cohen was not performing a religious ceremony, but was simply paid to skate, and had finished with the skating. If she even heard the carolers, she probably would have enjoyed the music. There was no need for Michelle Baldwin to get a cop to back her up while she was being a silly nuisance. I would hope the cop got a reprimand for abusing his office to support a bigoted music critic. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for these pictures of a baby hawk ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for forwarding a Jewish friend's observations and comparisons between Christmas and Hannukha: Jews love Dec. 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go to movies and out for Chinese food, and Israeli dancing. Chanukah is eight days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a calendar so we don't look like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided free with a donation from either the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher, or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in Florida). * Christmas is a major holiday. * Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays: They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat!!! * Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos... * Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks, or a the collected works of the Rambam which looks impressive on the bookshelf. * There is only one way to spell Christmas. * No one can decide how to spell Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanukka, Channukah,Hanukah, Hannuka, whatever. * Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and boyfriends. Their partners expect special gifts. * Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects a diamond ring on Chanukah. * Christmas brings enormous electric bills. * Candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis. * Christmas carols are beautiful. Silent Night, Come o Ye Faithful..... * Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or about having a party and dancing the Hora. Of course, we are secretly pleased that many of the beautiful carols were composed and written by Jews. And don't Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing them beautifully? And made tons of money singing them? * A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet smell of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered around in festive moods. * A home preparing for Cha nukah smells of oil, potatoes and onions. The home, as always, is full of loud people all talking at once. * Christian women have fun baking Christmas cookies. * Jewish women burn their eyes and cut their hands grating potatoes and onions for latkes on Chanukah. Another reminder of our suffering through the ages. * Parents deliver gifts to their children during Christmas. * Jewish parents have no qualms about withholding a gift any of the eight nights of Chanukah. * The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names such as Mary, Joseph and Jesus. * The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus, Judah, Maccabee, and Matta-whatever. No one can spell it or pronounce it the same twice in a row. On the plus side, we can tell our friends anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our history. * In recent years, Christmas has become more and more commercialized. * The same holds true for Chanukah, even though it is a minor holiday. It makes sense. How could we market a major holiday such as Yom Kippur? Forget about celebrating. Think observing. Come to synagogue, starve yourself for... 27 hours, become one with your dehydrated soul, beat your chest, confess your sins, make everybody else feel guiltier than you, a guaranteed good time for you and your family. Tickets a mere $200 per person. =========================================== Thanks to Rose for this story: I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror--- wearing nothing but a camera! ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trish Re: Screen Saver Hi Webby After reading today's letter it occurred to me that I don't have a 'screen saver' on. I don't know if it's best to have it on or not to, I'm sure some other readers would be interested to know. I did look at the 'clock screensavers' "Chuck" recommended, downloaded the mickey mouse one (or all of them for all I know), it did appear after whatever time I have screen saver on for but after half an hour or so the screen went black as it usually is when I leave my computer on. Is this the 'power saving thing happening' or what, I really am not sure why one should have a 'screen saver', does it 'save the screen' or what, "please explain". Think I read once that they just take up space on the computer. Not talking about the desktop picture, just screen saver and why if you put one on the thing goes black after a short while anyway. Thanks if you can answer this. Regards to you and yours, Trish Dear Trish The screensaver makes sure that you don't burn the default desktop into the screen. With today's monitors that is not so common, but I remember when I was a mobile computer tech and taking care of the government computers in the Yukon, and seeing all the 10 inch greenie monitors clearly showing the IBM DisplayWrite 4 menu, even when turned off. A moving picture prevents that from happening. The reason your monitor eventually turns off is not because it gets tired of amusing the dust bunnies, but to reduce your electricity bill. You can set the length of time it burns electricity, after you finish doing anything on it, in the power options. A monitor burns about the same amount of electricity as two 75 Watt lightbulbs, and produces about the same amount of heat. Where you are, that means you got to spend again as much power on the air conditioner, to get rid of that heat. That translates into a 300 Watt Mickey Mouse watch, just to amuse your dust bunnies while you are sleeping. Microsoft thought that was kinda silly and gave you the option to save some money. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 13, 2006 - Arlington, Virginia - AP It took a second or two for Jaimen Ortiz to fully comprehend what he was seeing: two toddlers playing in an open second- floor window, and one of them hanging from the window sill. So Ortiz hopped a fence and ran to the apartment building. Just as he got there, the two-year-old girl fell, screaming. Ortiz put out his arms and caught her cleanly, perhaps saving her life and certainly preventing serious injury. "If I had delayed one more second, she would have fallen to the ground," Ortiz said through a Spanish interpreter, recalling the Oct. 13 incident. The toddlers' father was charged with reckless endangerment. Ortiz's quick thinking was honoured Tuesday in Arlington, where the County Board presented him a certificate of recognition for heroism. Ortiz, 29, seemed slightly overwhelmed by the attention he received Tuesday as he fielded multiple interview requests. "I have a five-year-old child, and you never know. Maybe someday he might need help like I was able to give to this girl," he said. While he was unaccustomed to the recognition, it's not the first time he has been a hero. As a teenager growing up in Guatemala, he helped save the wife of a friend from drowning.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gift Wrapping Center I have an old dresser that I converted into a gift wrap center. The dresser has four good sized drawers to hold: tissue paper, cards, gift bags and bows. I keep my rolls of gift wrap in plastic boxes on top of the dresser with tape and a scissor. When I need to wrap a present, I just remove the two boxes of gift wrap from the top and I have a nice wrapping surface. By Tammy B.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A certain tax attorney took on a very complex case of tax evasion for a rather mysterious client. He devoted over a year to the case, familiarizing himself with every loophole and angle of current legislation, and made a brilliant argument before the court. His client was called out of town when the jury returned with its verdict, a sweeping victory for his client on every count. Flushed with victory, the lawyer exuberantly cabled his client, "Justice has triumphed!" A realistic fellow, the client immediately wired back, "Appeal at once!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== From Glenis Dear Webby I just want to tell you how much I appreciate the time and effort you put into creating the Humor Letter every day, and that wonderful Heirloom Christmas book. You should charge a lot more for it! Most 20 - 30 page e-books cost $69 and up, and yours has 192 pages for just $10. You would probably sell a lot more if you raised the price! Have a Merry Christmas Glenis Dear Glenis I will definitely consider that for the next book, but I won't change the price on this one. It's a Heirloom that should be in every house, and a higher price might be too steep for some people. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Newgrange http://www.knowth.com/newgrange.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Clean House 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  December 16, 2006
======================================

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more,
do more and become more, you are a leader.
— John Quincy Adams

Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art.
--- Charles McCabe

-------------------
There sure seem to be a lot of "artists" out there!

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He
took the wheel off, but when he stood up he tipped over the
hubcap containing the bolts, spilling them all down a sewer
drain.

A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that the
man take one bolt from the remaining three wheels to hold
the fourth wheel in place until he could get to a service
station.

The motorist thanked his profusely and said, "I don't know
why you are in that place."

The patient said, "I'm here for being crazy, not for being
stupid."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Rose for this story: While trying to explain to our six-year-old daughter how much technology had changed, my husband pointed to our brand-new laptop and told her that when he was a kid, a computer with the same amount of power would have been the size of the school next door. Wide-eyed, our daughter asked, "WOW! How big was the mouse?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 59-year-old woman from Youngstown, Ohio Wrong way to shop December 13, 2006 - Liberty, Ohio - AP A grocery store manager was struck in the head with a 10-pound sack of potatoes by a customer angry about having to wait in line, police say. Police in Liberty, near Youngstown in northeast Ohio, say a 59-year-old woman from Youngstown is suspected in the attack. Scott Renzenbrink, 45, told police a clerk having problems with a customer called him to the register. The customer told him she was upset about the wait and struck the manager in the back of head with the potatoes when he was walking away after the conversation, according to police. A witness followed the woman out to the parking lot and took down her license plate number. Renzenbrink, who was not seriously hurt in the attack last Thursday, identified the woman by a Bureau of Motor Vehicles photo. He may file assault charges. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture, rubbing it in that they have very little snow in Florida. ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== "You say you're petitioning for a legal name change?" the judge asked. "Yes, your honor." The judge looked at the petition. "I can, ummm, see why, ummm, Mr. Leon . . . Birdbrain, is it?" "Yes, your honor, that's correct." "And what do you want to change your name to, Mr., ummm, Birdbrain?" "Jim, your honor." =========================================== An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the unusual findings he had made. "For instance," he said, "some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles." "What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked a sarcastic member of the group. "I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it sounds something like this: 'Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?!' ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Peter Re: VISA versus PayPal Dear Webby, I tried to order above ebook. Do I have to pay with PayPal - I do not have an account them? I can pay with VISA? Thanks, Peter Dear Peter Yes, sure you can use VISA or Mastercard. Through the PayPal cart you can pay with VISA or Mastercard. I realize now that Malta's banking laws currently only allow you to have a Receive-only account, and that you can't use your PayPal account for paying, but you can still use any PayPal shopping cart and pay with your credit card in it. If you have any problems, you can also order the e-book through the Webby shopping cart. The shortcut to that e-book is http://webby.com/cbp http://webby.com/cbp Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 13, 2006 - Grand Forks, North Dakota - AP A thrift store worker checking donated items found nearly $7,000 in a coat pocket and money belt, police say. "I guess I was shocked," said Shirley Meagher, who works at the Home Place Thrift Store in Grand Forks. Meagher, who has worked part time at the thrift store since September, said she occasionally finds strange objects mixed in with donations. On Monday, she found a can of soup. Tuesday's find was an eye-opener. "I was sorting through some donations and came across a belt that looked unusual," she said. "It looked awfully thick." Meagher remembered hearing that some belts had zippers so their owners could hide money, so she checked the donated belt a little closer. She found a zipper, opened it and pulled out a bunch of $100 bills. She contacted her boss, Prairie Harvest executive director Debra Johnson, who decided to notify police. Meagher said she started sorting through other items that arrived with the belt, to try to find the person who donated it, and found more money in a coat. The total amount in the coat and the belt came to nearly $7,000. Police said they would keep the money until it can be returned to the family of the coat's owner, Gary Beaton, who died last month. His relatives live out of the state, police Lt. Jim Remer said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Folding Chair Bags For Storing Wrapping Paper If you don't keep your collapsible (camping) chairs in the pouch they came in you can store your rolls of wrapping paper in them. It keeps light and dust from ruining the rolls of paper. By Sandy
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes. "Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?" "Yes, on rare occasions," answered the handler. "Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?" "I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound." "What, uh...what would happen if you were to accidentally sit on a rattler?" persisted the woman. "Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "I suppose," the husband responded, "we could clean the house."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Vancouver Parks http://members.shaw.ca/panthers6/MainPage.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Missing Mime 

Good Morning,   !

Friday,  December 15, 2006
======================================
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
======================================

I have often been afraid, but I would not give in to it.
I made myself act as though I was not afraid and
gradually my fear disappeared."
--- Theodore Roosevelt

Once the game is over,
the King and the pawn go back in the same box.
--- Italian Proverb

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Sories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Rubye for this story:
Even Mother Superior knew good milk when she drank it.
The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying.
The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last
journey comfortable.

They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused.

Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift
the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a
generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her
lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more and
before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down
to the last drop.

"Mother," the nuns asked with humility, "please give us
some wisdom before you die."

She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her
face said, "Don't sell that cow."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going." "Why not?" she asked. I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them." His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. (1) You're 57 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Perez, 43, of Lake Station. Indiana Wrong way to shop December 12, 2006 -Merrillville, Indiana - AP Instead of impressing "Honey Bunny" on Christmas morning with a 42-inch plasma television, "Big Papa" is facing a charge of theft. Richard Perez, 43, of Lake Station, was charged Monday with stealing the TV and a Sleep Number bedding system from a hotel where he worked as a security officer. Security video showed Perez walking into a room at the Radisson Hotel on Nov. 29 with an empty luggage cart, then leaving minutes later with a full cart covered with cloth, Merrillville police Detective Donald Toth said. Police said they searched Perez's Lake Station home Friday and found the Sleep Number system installed on Perez's bed and the TV underneath the tree, wrapped in green, Santa-themed paper. The attached card was addressed to "Mom, Honey Bunny from Big Papa, Daddy," Toth said. Perez, who has been fired from his hotel job, was released Monday after posting a $10,000 surety bond. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Decked out with a big Christmas tree on the locomotive and 200,000 LED lights on its freight cars, The CPR Holiday Train provides high class entertainment in exchange for food and donations for foodbanks. ===========================================
Beautiful Christmas eCards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== THE IMPORTANCE OF USING CORRECT EMAIL ADDRESSES A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules, it was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an email back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the email without realizing his error. In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she shrieked, fainted, and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife From: Your Already Departed Husband Subject: I've Arrived! I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is hot down here! =========================================== Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found his wife Fanny in the arms of another man. He started to yell at the interloper, "What right have you got to be messing with my wife?" The man answered calmly, "You may as well know that I am in love with Fanny and I would like to marry her. I understand you're a gambler. Why don't you be a good sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I'll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce her.... Okay?" "Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little more interesting, why don't we play for a dollar a point?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: George Re: Not receiving pictures properly Dear Webby Just today, 12/14/2006, I viewed an email with images in it, and forwarded to my son - He only received ONE of the images at the end of a page or two of gibberish! The one image that he received was in my attached folder. So I went back to the original message to forward him the images and they had ALL changed to red Xs in little boxes! I use Eudora 7.0.1.0 to up/download my mail to/from comcast.net - So where did these images go? Dear George With Eudora you specify the location of your attachment folder. All pictures wind up either in the attachment folder, or in the Embedded folder. Exceptions are pictures that are linked to the source, the way I do with the Humor Letter. Those pictures can always be retrieved from there, and no file transfer is required between you and your recipient. For example, if you forward the Humor Letter to your son, only the links to the pictures are sent, and his mail program then retrieves the pictures from my server. What happened in your case is that most likely you sent an HTML page, but your son did not have MIME turned on or enabled in his mail program. That is why he saw pages of gibberish, the pictures in binary form. Once he turns on MIME, he should receive your pictures OK. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 13, 2006 - Omaha, Nebraska - AP While many Christmas trees sparkle with tinsel and lights during the holiday season, some reek of fox urine or wear a splatter of pink stain. A surge in Christmas tree poaching has forced growers and property owners to take action. Smelly, discolored trees are less likely to be cut and dragged off by thieves. At the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, for example, evergreens are sprayed with a fox urine mixture and tagged with a warning to discourage tree thieves. "It is a strong odor, and it smells just like what it is," said Kirby Baird, a landscape manager at the school. When the tree is out in the cold, the smell isn't noticeable, Baird said. But once the tree is inside and starts to warm up... "It's nasty," he said. Tree poaching once was a problem at Washington State University, which has more than 150 evergreen, spruce and fir trees on campus. "We did have a lot of trees cut for Christmas trees, either entire small trees or tops of large trees," said grounds supervisor Kappy Brun. The poaching all but stopped after groundskeepers began to spray campus trees with the oily, odorous liquid produced by skunks. While Nebraska and Washington fought tree poachers with odor, Cornell University made their trees less appealing as Christmas decorations. Workers there painted trees with "ugly mix" — a solution of hydrated lime and red food coloring developed by one of Cornell's veteran gardeners. The result: fluorescent pink trees. The mix stays on trees for about a month before fading, and is credited with saving dozens of evergreens over the years.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop for Gifts at the Dollar Store This year when Christmas shopping, consider buying gifts as well as decorative items from your local dollar store. I went into our dollar store yesterday and was very pleasantly surprised at the amount of decorative items as well as gift items available - and at such a reasonable price! By Robin
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
WHERE YA FROM ? A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.'' The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. ''Sir,'' the usher said, ''if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.'' Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly. ''All right buddy, what's your name?'' ''Sam,'' the man moaned. ''Where ya from, Sam?'' the cop asked. ''The balcony.'' ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Liked the clock link, but I dug a little further and there are a series of clock screen savers here http://beeks.eu/Screensaver.htm some are pretty cute. Chuck ------------------------------- Hi there and very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you and yous. Your great newsletter keeps us all in a good mood and everyone I talked to seems to entoy it. I certainly do. Keep up the good work. Cathy
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Tow To Go 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  December 14, 2006
======================================

The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.
--- Henry Stimson

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up
- they have no holidays.
--- Henny Youngman

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

This book of Christmas Sories is a cultural treasure, that shold
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Frederick II, the eighteenth-century king of Prussia, fancied
himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he
was.  On one occasion he is supposed to have interested
himself in conditions in the Berlin prison and was escorted
through it so that he might speak to the prisoners.  One after
the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him,
bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter
innocence of all charges that had been brought against them.

Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's
curiosity was aroused.
"You," he called.  "You there."

The prisoner looked up.  "Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Why are you here?"

"Armed robbery, Your Majesty."

"And are you guilty?"

"Entirely guilty, Your Majesty.  I deserve my punishment."

At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and
said, "Warden, release this guilty wretch at once.  I will not
have him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the
splendid innocent people who occupy it."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== An Irishman walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Murph, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hm?" Murphy says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!" The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round. Monday evening arrives. Murphy comes back into the bar and says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!" Murphy looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chesterfield County school officials in Virginia Illegal Art December 13, 2006 - Richmond, Virginia - AP To hear the students tell it, Stephen Murmer is a fun, popular art teacher who is always quick to crack a joke. But there is another side to Murmer. A side that has agitated school officials and resulted in his suspension. A side that focuses, almost entirely, on the crack in his backside. Outside of class and under an alter ego, the self-proclaimed "butt-printing artist" creates floral and abstract art by plastering his posterior and genitals with paint and pressing them against canvas. His cheeky creations sell for hundreds of dollars. This has not gone over well with Chesterfield County school officials, who placed Murmer on administrative leave from his job at Monacan High School. Murmer contacted the American Civil Liberties Union of Virginia after he was suspended on Friday, ACLU legal director Rebecca Glenberg said. He told Glenberg that administrators had suspended him with pay for five days because of his work as a butt-print painter and that he also could face unpaid suspension pending an investigation. Murmer went to great lengths to keep his work life separate from his activities as an artist, said ACLU executive director Kent Willis. As a butt-printing artist, he goes by the name "Stan Murmur," and appears in disguise in photographs and videos promoting his art. "As a public employee, he has constitutional rights, and he certainly has the right to engage in private legal activities protected by the First Amendment of the Constitution," Willis said. "I'm certainly proud of the butt painting," Murmer said in response to questions about his disguise. "I do have a real job where I do have real clients and I don't think they'd be too understanding if I was also the guy who painted with my butt." That video has made the rounds at Monacan High, where the mere mention of Murmer's name was enough to elicit grins from students Tuesday. Most appeared to be firmly behind their teacher, describing his suspension as "stupid," "ignorant" and "kinda retarded." ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her." The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!" she shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!" =========================================== Cajun math A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jeannie Re: Tow To Go Dear Webby Tow To Go is a Partnership between AAA Auto Club South & Anheuser Busch This program offers Members and Nonmembers, a confidential free-ride home and tow of their vehicle in order to avoid a potential drunk-driving situation. * Call 1-800-AAA-HELP -- the call will be directed to an ERS Call Center, depending on where the call originates * The AAA call taker knows to dispatch a contractor participating in the program (contractors have already agreed to be a part of the program) * The AAA contractor arrives at the vehicle and takes the vehicle and the driver safely home, free of charge to the motorist. Tow to Go Holiday Dates are November 23rd - December 31st Jeannie Dear Jeannie Tow To Go is a great program, and probably has saved many thousands of lives. However, I would strongly advise to call them first, and find out if that service is actually available in your town or village. Bar closing time could be an awkward time to find out that your town is not included in the program. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 13, 2006 - Atlanta, Georgia Living in balmy south Georgia, Gene Long knew his wife Crystal pined for the winter snows of her native Pennsylvania. So he decided to do something about it. Armed with a homemade snowmaking machine, the 41-year-old paramedic and firefighter stayed up overnight during a rare subfreezing snap and crisscrossed their property. Saturday morning, he presented her with an inch-deep blanket of snow on their lawn. "She thought it was pretty cool," Long said. "We actually had a little snowball fight." Crystal Long laughed out loud, recalling the vision that greeted her when she got up.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vegetable Oil on Your Snow Shovel Coat your snow shovel with some vegetable oil to keep snow from sticking to it. Use the cheapest cooking oil you have on hand.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled! Isn't she adorable?" Friend: "But your kid didn't smile." Father: "I was talking about the nurse!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here lies only the shell--the nut has gone!"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Tin Tiles http://www.oldhousejournal.com/magazine ... sedl.shtml
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Red X 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  December 13, 2006
======================================

One isn't necessarily born with courage, but one is born with
potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other
virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful,
generous, or honest."
— Maya Angelou

Never exaggerate your faults. Your friends will attend to that.
--- Sir Francis Bacon

=======================================

What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?

It is a BIG e-book with all the stories that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.

You will know what it is about, when somebody talks about
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.

Not all of the stories in the Heirloom Christmas Book are for
reading to all ages, but it is a cultural treasure that shold be
passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes.

I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.

The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb



======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two
truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read
CLEARANCE 11'3."

They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4."

"What do you think?" one asked the other.

The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first.
"Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Pat Davis, Seattle December 12, 2006 - Seattle, Washington - AP Christmas trees are going back up at Seattle-Tacoma International Airport. Pat Davis, president of the Port of Seattle commission, which directs airport operations, said late Monday that maintenance staff would restore the 14 plastic holiday trees, festooned with red ribbons and bows, that were removed over the weekend because of a rabbi's complaint that holiday decor did not include a menorah. Airport managers believed that if they allowed the addition of a 2.5-metre-tall menorah to the display, as Seattle Rabbi Elazar Bogomilsky had requested, they would also have to display symbols of other religions and cultures, which was not something airport workers had time for during the busiest travel season of the year, Airport Director Mark Reis said earlier Monday. Port officials received word Monday afternoon that Bogomilsky's organization would not file a lawsuit at this time over the placement of a menorah, Davis said in a statement. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== For over 30 years Dave had worked in construction in New York City. Those many years working around loud machinery had taken its toll on Dave's body and he began to fear that he was losing his hearing. So Dave went to the doctor and told him the problem. He explained to the doctor that things had gotten so bad that he couldn't even hear himself fart. The doctor examined Dave and then gave him some pills. Dave asked, "Will these help me to hear better?" The doctor replied, "No. They will make you fart louder." =========================================== Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a nurse over there to read the picket signs. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rita T Re: red X Dear Webby I have a question I would like to ask you. When a picture comes up with a box and red x in the center of it how can I open it up? Love reading your letters everyday. Thank you, Rita T Dear Rita The red x indicates that the sender has messed up and that the picture is not there, or that the webmaster has messed up and mis-spelled the name of the picture or forgot to upload it. There is nothing you can do, except complain to who dun it (or didn't do it). Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos December 11, 2006 - Los Angeles - AP The Los Angeles Opera has received a $4 million donation for a multi-year ''Recovered Voices'' project that will produce music the Nazis tried to silence. Marilyn Ziering, a philanthropist and opera board member, donated $3.25 million and raised an additional $750,000 from various donors, LA Opera General Director Placido Domingo announced Monday. The ''Recovered Voices'' project will highlight the music of early 20th-century composers such as Alexander Zemlinsky, Kurt Weill and Viktor Ullmann.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Sheets of Stamps Keep stamps from sticking together by storing them in-between sheets of wax paper. Wax paper also works well for saving stickers, just put them on the shiny side of the wax paper.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
John was in the hospital and it was time for lunch. He looked at his lunch and said, "I don't like chicken soup, bring something else." The orderly said, "It's good for you, the doctor said you should have it." John refused to eat. That night, the John's roommate had bad stomach pain, so the nurses came in to give him an enema. By mistake, they gave the enema to John. The following week, when he was leaving the hospital, a new patient asked him how he liked the hospital. John told him, "Well, the hospital itself is pretty good, but they're very strict about their food. Here's a good tip: when they bring up chicken soup you better eat it, or else they'll come back in the middle of the night and give it to you the hard way, from the other end!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist: "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?" "Probably" the mother answered. "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?" she replied.
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Mints http://tinyurl.com/y6z4n4
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: AOL spam control tip 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  December 11, 2006
======================================

Another late night, but since the sun rises late this time of
the year, it won't chase me from my desk this shift.
The Heirloom Christmas Book is finally finished, and
uploaded. I had to redo all the pictures, because the book
was 5 MB large. That could be a bit too large for some
of the computers out there. So now I trimmed it down to
just 2.6 MB. Still a monster with almost 200 pages, but
a more manageable file size.

I won't guarantee that you will like ALL the stories, but
I am pretty sure I got all the classics, that your great-grandma
read or recited to your grandma, when she was a kid.
Plus a couple of contempory ones.


Click on the
book cover
to get your copy


or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb




By the way, I formatted the book so that you can print it
regular letter size, or with ClickBook in paperback size
printed front andback on a quarter the number of sheets
of paper.

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were
sitting together in church.  Joel giggled, sang, and talked out
loud.  Finally, his big sister had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed
at Joel.

"Why?  Who's going to stop me?"  Joel shot back.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those
two big men standing by the door?"

Joel nodded.

"They're hushers."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Bellsouth.net for censoring mail
   Yahoo for losing mail
   Hotmail.com for losing mail
   MSN for losing mail
   Shaw.ca for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== After the college boy delivered the pizza to Rob's's trailer house, Rob asked: "What is the usual tip?" "Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great." "Is that so?" snorted Rob. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars." "Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund." "What are you studying?" asked Rob. The lad smiled and said: "Reverse psychology." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Viscount Oliver's Legendary Four Tops band 'Sorry - we won't be there' A Four Tops tribute band missed a sell-out gig - when they set their satnav for Chelmsford instead of Cheltenham. Viscount Oliver's Legendary Four Tops, based on the Motown band whose biggest hit was 'I'll Be There', ended up 140 miles from the venue. Tour manager Alan Frazer said: "They were very upset to let down their fans because they put on such a great show. "Whoever tapped the place into the satnav got it wrong. They don't know British geography very well because they're American. "The guys have had a stressful tour playing 74 dates in Britain this year. The driver's been given a severe reprimand because of the error. It's cost me and the band a small fortune. "It was a nightmare. It wasn't as if they stopped the car and were sitting in the pub. They're all nonalcoholic vegetarians. ===========================================
Need some unique Christmas cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== More about this in today's bonus link ===========================================
Mycheers Christmas Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== "I got married," said the first tavern regular, "so that I could get laid three or four times a week." "That's funny," said another patron. "That's why I got divorced." =========================================== One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. "You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" "What's that got to do with it?" he asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Amber Rose Re: Cause of missed letters Dear Webby I keep wondering what the problem is that some people have with getting your newsletter through AOL. I don't have any problem whatsoever, and I have AOL. Could the difference be that they do not have your e-mail address in their Address Book? AOL kept putting it into my Address Book whenever I received a newsletter. I kept deleting it because it was not one of my personal friends that I contact frequently. I was keeping my Address Book just for them. When I realized your newsletters were going into my Spam box, I finally realized. Now you are prominent in my Address Book along with my other friends, and I do believe you are a friend also. Your newsletter is the very best I have ever received. AmberRose Dear AmberRose You are 100% right. Nowadays AOL has become quite reliable, much better than for example Yahoo, and when the sender address is in the address book, the mail always gets through. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Speeding couple given toy A German couple caught speeding on their way to give birth were given a toy for their new baby instead of a ticket. Barbara and Johann Meyer, from Wachtberg, initially received a ticket after a speed camera photographed them breaking the speed limit. But when they told authorities that they were on their way to hospital where Barbara gave birth to their first baby, police cancelled the fine. Instead, they sent them a toy police officer in uniform - holding a speed camera. Police also recommended the Meyers put the original speeding camera image into their son's first photo album.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Packing Peanuts Garland Do you have some styrofoam packaging peanuts lying around? String them together using a large needle and sturdy thread (or fishing line). You can even spruce them up a bit by painting the peanuts in Christmas colors. You can easily dye them by pouring food coloring or textile dye over them. The easiest way to string them up is with #19 magnet or motor wire. Most electrical rewind shops will gladly give you 20 - 50 foot leftover pieces of wire. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two men sitting side by side in a 747 plane started to talk. One explained he had never flown before. They left the airport in New York City headed for Los Angeles. They landed in Chicago, whereupon a little red truck pulled up and refueled the plane. They again landed to refuel at Denver. The little red truck pulled up to the plane and refueled it. As they were about to land at their destination the veteran flier pointed out to the novice what great time they had made. The novice said, " Yes we made good time, but that little red wagon wasn't doing bad either." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ ======================================== Martin, the nifty guy from Oklahoma, who sends so many neat pictures and jokes, has a Christmas Greeting for you: Martin http://www.elfyourself.com/?userid=bd57 ... 8G20061210
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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