Dear Webby, how to attach files to email? 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday! Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. --- Wilson Mizner
Hillary had been busy campaigning, and her last stop of the day was at a Senior Citizens Home. After walking in and looking around for a while she approached an elderly woman in a wheel chair. Bending over to be on eye level with her, she asked her "Do you know who I am?" The elderly lady gave her a good looking over, then told her "No I don't. You don't look familiar. Just go to the front desk, they will tell you who you are."
Thanks to georgina for this report: I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our kids to an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. When she poured a small amount for my husband to taste, our six-year-old piped up, "Mom can drink a lot more than that!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
About a year ago a friend, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk funny?" "Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kelvin Ethelbert Roberts, 28, of Cherryville, New Jersey A bit too klutzy! January 23, 2008 - Cherryville, New Jersey - AP Thanks to Ross for this submission Authorities said an unsuccessful robber shot himself in the foot. Police said Kelvin Ethelbert Roberts, 28, botched his plans to rob a Cherryville convenience store by accidentally shooting his right foot. According to an arrest warrant, Roberts dropped a .45-caliber handgun in front of Gasland USA on Sunday. The gun hit the ground and went off, a bullet striking Roberts in the foot. Roberts faces several charges that include attempted robbery with a dangerous weapon and possession of a weapon of mass destruction. Police said the handgun had been altered to fire .410 shotgun shells. Authorities said Roberts was in illegal possession of the gun because of his felony cocaine possession conviction in 2002 in Chautauqua County, New York, and was not allowed to possess or carry any gun. http://www.bakersfield.com/917/story/342790.html
Thanks to Roland for sending this picture: Printed in the Rocky Mountain News, January 30th 2008
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nora Re: Attach files to email Could you explain how to send and attachment's. I have had my computer for 7 year's now and no one to show me how to do it. And sometime's there are thing's I would like to send on and I can't because I don't know how. If you could would you print it out so I can follow it in your column . I have window's xp I catch on really fast but that is one thing I don't even know how to start doing it. Nora Dear Nora I don't really know what email program you use. With Eudora, you simply drag a file from an Explorer or File Save window into the header area of a mail that you are writing, or onto the Eudora shortcut on your desktop. Or if you prefer to do it with just the keyboard, hit CTRL H, and a file browser opens to let you find and select what to attach. Eudora is one of the oldest email programs, and most others copied most or all of Eudora's code, and will therefore work similarly. Considering the ad on your mail, you might have Incredimail, which is sometimes called the funky great-granddaughter of Eudora and has inherited a lot from it. Chances are very good that the same procedure still works. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to Rodney for this story: The owner of a business was confused about paying a bill, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help... "You went to college, you should be able to figure this out. If I were to give you $200, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings!"

Deeli's Kudos January 30, 2008 – Worldwide Web Check out your telephone number by simply typing in your telephone number, including area code, on a Google search. http://www.google.com/ You just might find your name and address and a map to your location. Just like it happened to Deeli today! Current personal PC document information also showed up on this search link which I was able to open those documents from that link :-o Maybe you’ll get lucky and nothing will show up at all. If you do find information, which you don’t want announced to the world or others who have access to your PC, you can request your phone number be removed from the Google site and it will be done within 48 hours. My information was hidden from the general public almost immediately. If personal documents do show on your search, click on ‘hide’. If you choose to go further, you can block Google from divulging your name and address by: Clicking on *Phone book results for* And then click on *Request to have your named removed from this list Deeli

Thanks to Jim for this report: My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told >me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better,....."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No Snow Pants? If you don't want to buy snow pants, just spray an old pair of jeans with water repellent. Wear a pair of long johns underneath to help keep you warm. Plastic bags work as a substitute to snow boots in a pinch Baby Oil works great as an emergency water repellant, especially in the cold, and washes out clean. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Sandie for this story: Visiting the National Museum of the American Indian in Washington, D.C., my sister and I were admiring a beautiful tribal headdress decorated with eagle feathers. A man came up to us and identified himself as a Native American. "Do you know how warriors got those?" the man asked, pointing to the feathers. "They covered a hole with brush, tied a live rabbit on top of it and hid underneath. When an eagle swooped down for the kill, they would grab its wing or tail." "Fascinating," I said. "You learned that from your tribal elders?" "Actually, no," the man confessed. "I saw it on the Discovery Channel."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Guess the spot
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 217 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 302 )
Dear Webby: File Associations 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever. --- Albert Einstein
Thanks to Ross for this story: A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" "Oh yes, Papa" the girl replied, "and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard or stupid **** head!"
A doctor sees the old man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm! The next time the old man had an appointment, the doc says, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing what you told me, Doctor. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." "I didn't say that... I said, You've got a heart murmur, be careful..."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
"Why Men Can't Win" If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you are a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you are a pansy. If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.. If you don't work enough, you are a good for nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your rear and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference. If you cry, you are a wimp. If you don't, you are an insensitive bastard. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charlena Graham in Augusta, Georgia Should have known better! January 25, 2008 - Augusta, Georgia - UPI A deputy coroner in Georgia has been charged with stealing gift cards from a woman who killed herself on New Year's Eve. Charlena Graham was arrested Wednesday in her office in Richmond County. She was immediately dismissed from her position after being charged with a single count of theft by taking. Graham allegedly appropriated five gift cards with a total value of about $400 from stores that included Target, Macy's and Victoria's Secret, officials said. Because Graham is a public official, the theft is automatically a felony. Sheriff's deputies gave the woman's personal items to Graham, the report said. Family members later reported that gift cards appeared to be missing. Investigators have evidence that includes videotapes of Graham allegedly using the gift cards to buy items for her own use, Sheriff Ronnie Strength reported. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-293029-412858
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: No global warming yet!
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barry Re: Powerpoint Association Dear Webby-I frequently get e-mails with PPS attachments. When I try to open them, I get a window that tells me to create an association for the file. I went to Micro soft, and downloaded Power Point viewer, but I still can't open these e-mails. How do I create an association? Thanx for any help you can give me. ~~~Barry Dear Barry Open the file explorer and go to where you stash your PPS files. Highlight one, and right-click it. Select: OPEN WITH Select the PowerPoint Viewer Put a checkmark on "Always use this program for this type of file" Hit Apply and OK. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
"Why Men Can't Win" Cont'd If you make a decision without consulting her, you are a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you are a pervert. If you don't, you are a fag. If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you are a sexist. If you don't, you are unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain. If you don't, you are a slob. If you buy her flowers, you are after something. If you don't, you are not thoughtful. If you are proud of your achievements, you are up yourself. If you don't, you are not ambitious. If she has a headache, she is tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often, you are oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.

Deeli's Kudos January 28, 2008 - Koolunga, Australia - Herald Sun A boy has been hailed a hero after he gave his father mouth-to-mouth and ran 2 miles for help when their car rolled over. Lachlan "Lochie" Nally, 11, saw that dad Matthew's chest wasn't moving after their car rolled in the South Australian north yesterday. The brave boy, who suffered minor injuries, performed CPR on his father then ran barefoot 3km to the Koolunga hotel. He bashed on the door and woke the owner, who called an ambulance. Chief Insp Graham Goodwin said it was "one of the most heroic acts I've seen". "As you can imagine he's been in a very serious collision so that's distressing in itself," he said. He said Lochie's bravery should be recognised. Mr Nally, 36, is in a serious condition in an Adelaide hospital. http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/ ... 61,00.html


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Paint From Hands Try rubbing baby oil or Vaseline on your hands to loosen paint stains. Keep paint from lodging under your fingernails by rubbing them over a bar of soap before painting. Prevent paint from getting on your hands altogether by wearing rubber gloves when you paint. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine," said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you." "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny. "That would be no fun. I asked Him to make you not notice it."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Hard Shell Cats & Mice
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 237 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1648 )
Dear Webby: Windows can't open attachments 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Every calling is great when greatly pursued. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so. --- Robert Orben
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this true story. A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small new England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited. One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone. She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron in the store. Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee. The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes. The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely. Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three children, you're forty-five years old, not a teenager! The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction. When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something. No ice cream cone was in sight. With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his familiar warm friendly grin and he said to the woman, "You put it in your purse."
Jon lived in Anchorage, Alaska. Right downtown. His house was literally right downtown. But he had no indoor plumbing. He did, however, have an outhouse. The older he got, though, the further away it seemed to get. One night, he decided to just skip the trip. Instead, he decided to just relieve himself right there off the front porch. His wife was pretty pissed about his decision. "Jon, you moron. Our neighbors can see you when you do this, you know." He'd not given THAT scenario much thought, so he promised his wife he'd not do it again. Not too many nights later, though, it turned bitterly cold. Right in the middle of the night he had to piss like a race horse. He got up, put on his slippers, and headed out of the bedroom to do his business. He was back in two shakes (so to speak). His wife, suspicious as wives are apt to be, said, "You weren't gone very long." "That's right." "You went off the porch again, didn't you?" "Yes, I did." "We had a talk about this, remember? The neighbors could see you, right. They'll know it was you and what you're doing out there." "Naw, they won't know it's me! This time I was squatting down!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. "Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?" "Sure. Do you know the bulls only service the cows once a year?" "Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?" "And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?" "Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?" "Lady, the point is this: if I was playing with your boobs twice a day for half an hour, but you got laid only once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award goes to James and Jon Herbert in Charlotte, North Carolina Should have known better! January 27, 2008 - Charlotte, North Carolina - UPI National Hot Rod Association drag racer Doug Herbert's two sons were killed in a car crash in North Carolina, it was reported Sunday. Herbert's sons, James, 12, and Jon, 18, reportedly were on their way to get some breakfast Saturday when they collided with an oncoming vehicle while attempting to pass another car in Cornelius. Both boys died at the scene, while those in the other vehicle were treated for non-life-threatening injuries at a local hospital. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-294133-693060
Thanks to my Roberta for sending this picture: Erect-Crested penguin My Family and I spent a wonderful week in Boston and Salem. Here is one of our Many pictures Roberta
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Judy Re: Windows can't open attachments Good Morning Webby I receive e-mails with attachements. Some of them I cannot open. Invalid file type error. Windows does not reconize the file and unable to open attachement . I have WindowXP and Internet Explore 7.It was suggested to use Reg Care a free download to correct the problem. do you know anythig about Reg Care and would it help my problem. Judy Dear Judy If Windows refuses to open an attachment, it quite possibly is malicious stuff. Reg Care won't help you at all, it's probably bad stuff too. What kinds of attachments do you get, that Windows refuses to open ? The safest policy nowadays is: When in doubt, dump it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Two Greek virgins get married and go on their honeymoon. However, they have no idea what there supposed to do once they get to their hotel room. The newlyweds decide to call his mother and get some advice on what to do. The mother says that they should sit on the bed together and snuggle with each other and things should start to happen from there. The newlyweds start to do this but nothing else happens. He calls his mother back to find out what to do next. She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers in bed, and nature should takes its course. The bride and groom take his mother's advice but still nothing. He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation she says, "Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest thing!" and hangs up on him. A few minutes later he reluctantly calls his mother back, "Well, I have my nose in her armpit. What do I do next?"

Deeli's Kudos January 4, 2008 - Chicago, Illinois - Reuters A Chicago tavern said on Thursday it will begin selling chicken wings coated in one of the world's hottest peppers -- a dish so hot that patrons first have to sign a waiver agreeing not to sue for injuries. Jake Melnick's Corner Tap said the wings made with Red Savina pepper will be served with an alarm bell for patrons to summon waiters with sour cream, milk, sugar and white bread if things get out of hand. Levy Restaurants, which owns the tavern, said its chef d'Cuisine Robin Rosenberg had been working on the concept for years but was never sure he'd be able to serve it. "This isn't the right sauce for everyone, but for someone out there, this is going to be absolute heaven. Of course, for a handful of people, it's going to be hell," he said. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0801 ... d_wings_dc

The high-school cheerleader confessed to her kindly old Priest that she'd often have sex with her boyfriend in the front seat of his car. "Now my daughter," consoled the Priest, "I'm sure if you think about it, you'll know you've been doing something wrong." "Yeah, I guess you right." replied the cheerleader. "Maybe it would be more comfortable in the back seat."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Lemon Rinds When you use a lemon, don't throw away the peel. Put it in a baggy and toss it in the freezer. Then you will have it handy if you encounter a recipe that needs lemon zest. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," he said, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that's impossible we could never do it. Yes Mr. President, we will try." and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars . . . he wants us to try to find it in senators!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Birds of Australia
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 176 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1688 )
Dear Webby: Moving mail to the flash drive 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Monday, January 28, 2008
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. --- Groucho Marx The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked. "Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We can get a new cat tomorrow."
One day three redneck couples in a mini van are heading to Yellowstone National Park on a vacation. One couple is from Nebraska, one is from Kansas, and one is from New Jersey. They stop at a little cafe on the side of the road for breakfast. Their waitress serves them their food, and the husband from Nebraska says, "Could you pass the honey, Honey?" to whom his wife, hands over the honey. Then, the husband from Kansas says, "Could you pass the sugar, Sugar?" and she passes him the sugar. The third husband sits there for a minute, then looks at his wife and says, "Wanna pass me the bacon, porky?"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But, if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Police administration in England Six year holiday January 27, 2008 - Hampshire, UK - Ananova A policeman is returning to work after being suspended on full pay for more than six years. PC Gerry Dawson's "gardening leave" has reportedly cost the taxpayer more than £200,000. He was told to stay at home in September 2001 while he was investigated for alleged corruption, reports The Sun. It was two years and three months before he was charged and a year and four months later he was cleared by a court. Another seven months on he was tried again on fresh charges but PC Dawson was again cleared. But he stayed suspended while bosses launched a misconduct investigation. After two years they decided they had no case and ordered the £32,000-a-year officer back on the beat. A fellow Hampshire PC joked: "The lads reckon Gerry's garden should be good enough to enter in the Chelsea Flower Show." Last year nearly 300 officers were suspended on full pay at a cost of £8million. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2698054.html?menu=
Thanks to my dad for sending this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fred Re: Moving mail to flash drive I may be having a senior moment- But how do I save my e-mails to a flash drive???? Thanks in advance-- FRED Dear Fred That depends on the email program you use. With Eudora, you simply drag IN.MBX and IN.TOC onto the flash drive, to get whatever you have in the IN mailbox. OUT.MBX and OUT.TOC would be your OUT mailbox. And so on. Different programs use different names, but most have two files per mailbox. If you use a 1 or 2 GB key-fob flash drive, you can easily drag all of your mailboxes to and from it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Some helpful rules for better writing: 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat) 6. Comparisons are as bad as clichs. 7. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 8. Be more or less specific. 9. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 10. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 11. No sentence fragments. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should NEVER generalize. 15. Don't use no double negatives. 16. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 18. The passive voice is to be ignored. 19. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 20. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 21. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 22. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

Deeli's Kudos January 26, 2008 - Painesville, Ohio - UPI A judge in Ohio sentenced a man convicted of stealing a Salvation Army kettle to live 24 hours as a homeless person. Painesville Municipal Judge Michael Cicconetti gave Nathen Smith a choice -- serve a 90-day jail sentence, or live 24 hours as a homeless man and serve only three days in jail. Smith has been outfitted with a global positioning system tracker to ensure he doesn't go home or stay with friends overnight. The judge also had all of the man's money and credit cards confiscated. "He was like everyone else who finds themselves out on the street," Cicconetti said. "I don't want him to have any money on him. I want him to learn. It's not going to hurt to be a little cold." Weather forecasts for the city predicted the wind chill could go as low as 5 below zero overnight. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-293890-982075


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Think Twice About to Rent-To-Own They offer expensive financing which will cost at least double for any products you buy. You are much better served by getting a loan from a credit union, using a low interest credit card, or better yet, saving money every month so you can buy the product outright. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" I asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," the doctor said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: All Season Mix
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 182 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1539 )
Dear Webby: Extra USB Port 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Sunday, January 27, 2008
The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you to not to have any. --- Katharine Whitehorn Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them. --- Suzanne Necker
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, wildy gesturing with one hand and jerking the mike cord along with the other. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, we better run!"
A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be held against you, you don't have the right to have an attorney present, but you may kiss the bride."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandma in bloomers." Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tomas Delgado January 25, 2008 - Madrid, Spain - Reuters Thanks to Ross for this submission A Spanish driver who collided with a bicyclist is suing the dead youth's family $29,300 for the damage the impact of his body did to his luxury car. Businessman Tomas Delgado says 17-year-old Enaitz Iriondo caused $20,500 of damage to his Audi A8 in the fatal 2004 crash in La Rioja region. The youth had been cycling alone at night without reflective clothing or a helmet, according to a police report cited by El Pais. Delgado, who has faced no criminal charges for the incident, wants a further 6,000 euros to cover the cost of hiring another vehicle while his car was being repaired. "I'm also a victim in all of this, you can't fix the lad's problems, but you can fix mine," Delgado said ahead of a January 30 legal decision on his suit. The family said they had previously pitied Delgado for the guilt he must feel at killing their son but were now disgusted that his greatest concern appeared to be money. http://snipurl.com/1ycbp
Thanks to My dad for sending this picture: These bloomed today, they are Mammilaria Sanchez
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mellie Re: Extra USB Port Hi Webby, I enjoy your column every day, but lately I've had to enjoy it from my work computer. I have discovered the joys of flash drives, and use them to save my email til I can get home an put them on my personal computer. The problem is that my USB ports are on the back of my computer and it's hard to reach that area. Is there some sort of thing that I can plug into the back of my computer that has USB ports on it so I don't have to bend over and tip my CPU every time I want to load files to my computer? Thanks, mellie Dear Mellie You need a USB hub. With some shopping around you can find 4 to 7 port USB hubs for under $5. Here is one for $4.75 USB Hub $4.75 You just stick that to the side of the monitor with double sided tape, and have 4 USB ports where they are the most convenient. Some hubs come with a cable to reach from the back of your computer to the monitor, some don't. However, any USB cable from any, no longer used device will do fine. Once you have chosen a USB hub, have a look and see what kind of cable it needs. The most common are the AB cables. A is for the flat male plug B is for the little house shaped male plug. A 6 foot long AB cable is usually around $2.50 - $3, less at garage sales. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the next time they are in need. --- Socratex

Deeli's Kudos January 25, 2008 - St. Paul, Minnesota - UPI The University of St. Thomas received an anonymous donation of $50 million, which the Minnesota university says is one of its three largest gifts. The donation was given to the university's Opus College of Business as part of the St.Paul, Minn., institution's $500 million "Opening Doors" capital campaign. University officials said the donation will help increase the college's endowment and support student scholarships and faculty research. Last fall, the university got a $60 million gift from Penny and Lee Anderson, owner and chairman of APi Group Inc. In 2000, St. Thomas received a $50 million gift from Best Buy founder and chairman Richard Schulze and his late wife, Sandra. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-293025-423593

Steve wasn't feeling well and so he went to the doctor to get himself checked. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, Steve, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking." "To be honest with you, Doc," said Steve, "I don't deserve the best. What's the SECOND best?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Track Your Energy Costs with a Home Energy Audit An energy audit will show you which areas of your home use the most energy and help you decide the most effective way to reduce energy costs. You can conduct a simple audit yourself, contact your local utility, or call an independent energy auditor for a more comprehensive examination. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: All Season Mix
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 188 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.8 / 9 )
Dear Webby: Another registry cleaner 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Saturday, January 26, 2008
Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. --- Thomas Jefferson Is that why Ted Kennedy, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton want gun control so badly?
Thanks to Rubye for bringing back this Classic: A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.' The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take..! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.' The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives I want to know how she feels inside what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment.., why she cries.., what she means when she says: 'Nothing's wrong'.., and how I can make a woman truly happy..!' The Lord replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I was taking a ground school class for private pilots. During the session on weather, the instructor wanted to discuss the concept of sublimation, which is the act of going from a gas to a solid, while skipping the intermediate liquid stage. As an example, he gave water vapor in the air condensing on a windshield to form ice. Wanting to see if the class had understood the concept, the instructor asked if anyone could provide an example of something that went straight from a solid to a gas. He was expecting dry ice as the answer when one of the students blurted out, "Burritos!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one of our employees. After reviewing the different plans and monthly deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000 worth of life insurance. But he had one last question. "Now," he said, "what do I have to do to collect the money?" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Has No Patience, Now Will Have No Patients ... January 25, 2008 - New York - UPI A New York physician has been indicted on charges he bilked his 92-year-old mother out of nearly $1 million. Dr. Robin Motz, 64, who allegedly used power-of-attorney to extract money from his ailing mother's accounts, also is being investigated to see if he used prescription drugs to speed her demise. The mother, Minnie Motz, had a career as a librarian but was able to amass nearly a million dollars by playing the stock market, prosecutors said. In 2004, Motz began slowly liquidating his mother's investments by writing checks to cover his credit-card bills, the Manhattan District Attorney's Office charged. Prosecutors said Motz ran up $400,000 in credit-card bills by eating out every night, taking $18,000 luxury European vacations, and picking up a third wife. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-293023-514565
Thanks to Shirley for sending this picture: Albino Deer Photographed near Dauphin, Manitoba (110 miles or so from Winnipeg). These pictures were taken by one of the teachers from the high school in Dauphin. He took the pictures while going home from work. He lives in Onanole and travels through the park every day. This deer apparently has been seen before but never photographed.
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lee Re: Another registry cleaner Hi Webby, Enjoy your newsletter.'I have a question. Are you familiar with a software program called "Advenced Cleaner"? If so, is it effective, and is there any cost involved with it. Will it interfere with any other cleaning programs I have unstalled such as window washer, or Quick clean? The company website does not have a phone number, etc. so cannot talk to anyone live. Thank you, Lee Dear Lee Dear Lee I am not familiar with that program. Windows seems to work just fine without it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Q. How many sorority girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Sorority girls don't screw in lightbulbs, silly -- they prefer couches, carpets and broom closets

Deeli's Kudos January 19, 2008 - Brevard County, Florida Thanks to Dianne for this submission Retired Army Green Beret Smokey Taylor got his court martial this weekend and came away feeling good about it. Taylor, at age 80, is the oldest member of Chapter XXXIII of the Special Forces Association. He was on trial by his peers under the charge of failing to use a weapon of sufficient caliber in the shooting of an intruder at his home in Knoxville, TN, in December. Taylor had been awakened in the early morning hours of Dec. 17, 2007, when an intruder broke into his home. Then the intruder threatened him with a knife, Taylor warned him, then brought his .22 caliber pistol to bear and shot him right between the eyes. That boy had the hardest head I've ever seen, Taylor said after his trial. The bullet bounced right off. The impact knocked the would-be thief down momentarily. He crawled out of the room then got up and ran out the door and down the street. Knoxville police apprehended him a few blocks away and he now awaits trial in the Knox County jail. Charges were brought against Taylor under the premise that he should have saved the county and taxpayers the expense of a trial, could have used a .45 or .38. The .22 just wasn't enough to get the job done. Following testimony from both sides, Taylor was acquitted of the charges and was given a round of applause. After the trial new information was given that the perp had soiled his pants as he crawled out of the house. Meanwhile, back in Knox County, the word is out: Don’t go messing with Smokey Taylor. He just bought a whole bunch of fresh ammo.

Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too: "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry." she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you intending to marry?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Paint Off Hinges It can be difficult to put masking tape on hinges to keep paint off them. Instead, cover them with petroleum jelly. Any paint that gets on them will be easy to wipe off, even after the paint dries. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Presently everything was on, the guest came in, and everyone sat down. Then Mother noticed something was missing. "Susan," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smith's place." "I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susan. "Daddy says he always eats like a horse!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Festival Net
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 194 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1620 )
Dear Webby: Open Office or Google ? 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Friday, January 25, 2008 Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. --- Author unknown
Thanks to Angela for bringing back this classic: Yesterday I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dog and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had? PIGEONS since I'm retired, with little to do? I told her that no I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. I explained that I probably shouldn't be going back on this diet because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, although I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story). Horrified , she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; that I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
An elderly woman walked into a liquor store with two guns, pointed them at the shop-keeper and said "Give me six bottles of scotch whiskey, all the money in the till, and then I want you to take me into your storeroom and make love to me." The shopkeeper got her the six bottles of scotch, emptied the money from the till into the old woman's handbag, and then went with her into the storeroom and made love to her. In the excitement the old lady dropped the guns on the floor. The shop-keeper paused a moment, then said "Madam, could you please pick up your guns again, I'm expecting my wife to arrive any minute."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
When Bush was visiting Israel he met the Israeli Prime Minister. In classic Bush style, the U.S. President offers a gift to his guest. "Here you go, says Bush. "Try out this shiny new Cadillac. It's their finest model." "Thank you, Mr. President, but I can not accept this magnificent gift." replies the Prime Minister. "Oh. I understand about gift limits. Ok then ... give me a half dollar for it. Then it won't be a gift." replies Bush. The Prime Minister gives Bush a dollar. "I don't have any change ... too bad" says the President. "No big deal... you'll just give me two Cadillacs" retorts the Prime Minister. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gregory Scott Hinkle, 53, of Davis, West Virginia Not clued in to Airport procedures January 23, 2008 - Washington - CNN Thanks to Ross for this submission. A passenger who went through an airport security checkpoint, before remembering that he had a loaded gun, is facing charges after going back to report his error. Gregory Scott Hinkle, 53, of Davis, West Virginia, went through a Transportation Security Administration checkpoint at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport about 7:30 a.m. The TSA contacted airport police, who charged the man with possessing or transporting a firearm into an air carrier terminal where prohibited, a misdemeanor, and released him. He is scheduled to appear April 2 in Arlington County, Virginia, General District Court. A TSA spokesman said the agency reviewed airport surveillance camera videos of the incident and removed the screener from security duties while an investigation is under way. "Appropriate actions will be taken once the investigation is complete," spokesman Christopher White said. http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/01/23/airpor ... =hpmostpop
Thanks to alert reader Roland for spotting this ad: Picking potatoes from the top, while they are in flower?
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Donny Re: Open Office or Google? Thank you again for your newsletter and for your help in the past. I am just wondering if you know whether or not "Google Spreadsheets and Documents" are as good as "Open Office". I am now running Vista Home Premium with MS Office 2000 and can no longer get updates so I'm considering changing. Also. will these other programs read my previously created documents (Word, Excel) and allow editing of them ? Any advice would be helpful and a reply would be appreciated - I will, however, watch the newsletter; which I am getting with no problems in Gmail. Thank you, Donny Dear Donny Google spreadsheets and documents are in Google format, and stored on Google, so that collaborators can work on them from various locations. While that may be handy for some specific tasks, it's not really what you need. Open Office uses OPEN format, totally independent of the type of machine or operating system. It can read your WORD DOC and Excel stuff and even save in that format Converting to Open Office is totally painless and there is no need to get rid of M$ Office. It is a huge program, though, and will take a while to download. But it is well worth it! Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
When John died, his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered than a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I knew he died of diarrhea. But it was his last wish, for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than just full of crap, like he always was."

Deeli's Kudos January 22, 2008 - Pemberton, New Jersey - UPI A dog stolen with its owner's Jeep Cherokee outside a South Jersey convenience store was back home Saturday. Princess, a 7-month-old mix of Pekingese and Chihuahua, was turned over to an animal shelter in Pennsauken by someone who found her whimpering on the street Friday, WCAU-TV reported. The shelter's name, Almost Home, proved prophetic for Princess. Susan Fishman left the motor running when she stopped at a convenience store in Hanover because she did not want the dog to get cold. During the few minutes she was in the store, someone drove off in the Jeep. The car thief remains unknown, but a security camera at the store taped the theft. The Jeep was recovered in Camden.

Q. What do you call a redneck couple with only two kids, each? A. Newlyweds.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Writing Notes on the Bathroom Mirror When I need to do something in the AM, I jot a note on the bathroom mirror with a dry-erase marker at night. I see it as I am dressing and brushing teeth, and I can then wipe it off the mirror with a tissue. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Kati for this story: One day, Johnny Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. Bubba, where'd ya git dat truck?!?" "Tina gived it to me" Bubba replied "She gived it to ya? "I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?" "Well, Johnny, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin' out on County Road 301, in the middle of nowheres. Tina pulled off the road, put the truck in four-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want.' So I took the truck! " "Bubba, yore a smart man! Her clothes woulda never fit ya

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Getty Gallery
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 206 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 1755 )
Dear Webby: AVG users like it 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Thursday, January 24, 2008
You can set yourself up to be sick, or you can choose to stay well. — Wayne Dyer One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. --- Bertrand Russell
Thanks to Martin for this story: A 3-year-old tells all One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other injuries. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favourite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??' And sure enough........!!!
The psychiatrist was holding a group consultation with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he told them. To the first one, he said, "Your obsession is eating. Why you've even named your daughter Candy." The second, he said, was obsessed by money. "Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother arose and, taking her little boy by the hand, whispered, "Let's go, Peter."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?' She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.' The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?' She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.' The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.' She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways. Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan , how are ye these days?' She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!' The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?' She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!' The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?' She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow up yer fookin' candle.' Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the dog stealing Mayor of Alice, Texas Not the ideal dog sitter! January 20, 2008 - Alice, Texas - AP Mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez was indicted Friday on two felony counts of tampering with physical evidence related to a dog her neighbours say she took from them. Mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez had agreed to take care of Puddles while Rudy Gutierrez and Shelly Cavazos were on vacation over the summer. A day after they left, she called to say the dog was dead, but three months later a relative of Cavazos saw Puddles - renamed Panchito - at a dog groomer. Puddles' family sued and filed a criminal complaint, but the case took a new turn Monday when the mayor filed a police report saying the dog was missing. A television crew found the dog 15 kilometres from Alice in Ben Bolt, at the home of Mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez's twin, Graciela Garcia. Garcia said a "mysterious lady" had found the dog and dropped it off. http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2 ... 64-ap.html
Thanks to the many who sent this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: many Re: Free Anti Virus programs A lot of people wrote in and reported that AVG seems to be working fine for them, even on old ME systems. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to Jai for this story: A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?" The mother answered: "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made." Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them." The confused girl returns to her mother and says: "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says we developed from monkeys?" The mother answers: "Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."

Deeli's Kudos January 16, 2008 -Chicago, Illinois - UPI Five former federal prosecutors are asking Illinois' governor to order DNA testing for a man they believe was wrongfully convicted of murder. Johnnie Lee Savory of Peoria, Ill., was convicted in 1977 of double murder when he was 14 years old. The former prosecutors and other supporters say Savory, who has been released on parole and now lives in Chicago, was denied the right to post-conviction DNA testing in Illinois when it is relevant to a claim of actual innocence. They are asking Gov. Rod Blagojevich to order the testing in the context of a clemency proceeding. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-289092-464908

Moshe Rosenberg is a new recruit in the British Army. One day an officer asked him "What is your name?" "Moshe Rosenberg" he replied. The officer responded "You must say 'Sir' when you answer an officer of the British Army. What is your name?" "Sir Moshe Rosenberg."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning With Salt A paste of salt and vinegar help clean tarnished brass or copper. You can cover spilled juice or wine with salt to absorb much of the stain. Soaking washable fabrics in salt water will help remove many stubborn stains. For cleaning purposes use plain salt not iodized salt. Cast iron frying pans and Woks that have an age old "seasoning" or oil patina can be safely cleaned with salt, without endangering the patina or enraging the chef. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Bill was attending an outdoor music concertwith a young woman he had recently begun dating. Standing at the back of the crowd, they wrapped their arms around each other, swaying to the music. After a particularly romantic song, his date turned to face him. With a loving smile, she said, "I wish we were closer..." Totally thrilled, he looked into her eyes and whispered, "Do you mean our houses or our friendship?" Puzzled, she replied, "No, you dummy! ...To the stage."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Curves
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 182 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1695 )
Dear Webby: Free Anti Virus Programs 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Wednesday, January 23, 2008
"It's cold here in the Northeast. You have to dress in layers when it's this cold. For instance, right now I'm wearing two hairpieces." --- David Letterman
Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something." Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid."
The new patient was sharing his woes with an understanding doctor: "After the first, I'm usually tired and winded, Doc. After the second, my chest aches and I start getting pains in my legs. After the third, I feel like fainting and it takes half-an-hour for my heart and respiration to return to normal." "Why don't you quit after the first?" inquired the doctor. "How can I do that, Doc?" said the patient. "I live on the third."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Just do it!!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Wrong time and place January 22, 2008 - Fargo, North Dakota - UPI A North Dakota man was cited for a snow emergency parking violation, in St. Paul, Minnesota, for a car he hasn't used in decades. Actually, Brian Nelson of Fargo received a notice that he was tardy in paying the $50 parking fine from December and would be assessed penalties until the matter was resolved. One small problem: The ticket was issued against his 1941 Ford, which hasn't seen the road in years, having been stored in Nelson's garage. "It's just nuts," Nelson said. He called St. Paul officials, who told him he either needed to appear in person or pay the fine. St. Paul is about 250 miles from Fargo. Then Nelson contacted KARE-TV, which spoke with a city official who said the matter could be corrected with a phone call. "Somebody made a mistake," the official said. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-289758-968979
just for you, here is the 2008 snow angel
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Free Anti Virus programs Dear Webby, I have been reading your letter for several years now & really do enjoy a fresh way to start the day. I love the good clean jokes & some wonderful pictures. Also your tech dept has been very useful. Thanks, ever so much. I am curious about what you know about the free" avast" antivirus" program & free "avg antivirus" program. Thanks so much for all the help. Sharon Dear Sharon Those free anti-virus programs are definitely better than nothing at all. Personally, I consider paying $30 a year to McAfee well worth it. It all depends on how much your data is worth to you. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A church had a man in the choir who could not sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I am going to resign and the choir members are going to quit too. Please do something." So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir." "Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked. "Well, five or six people have told me that you can't sing." "That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"

Deeli's Kudos January 22, 2008 - Newport News, Virginia - Gimundo Atlanta Falcons player Michael Vick's mansion was the site of unspeakable atrocities against our favorite four-legged friends. Now, with Vick spending some well-earned time in the Big House, his dog-fighting operation has finally been shut down for good, and the Newport News, Virginia house where he based his operation is vacant and up for sale. Michael Morford, the founder of a nonprofit group called Jalie's Butterflies, has initiated The Vick House Project – a plan to raise money in donations to purchase the house, and then convert it into an animal shelter for abused and mistreated dogs. According to the nonprofit's website it is simply "a chance to give back to the spirit of the animals that were harmed. It is a chance for animal lovers to contribute to a noble cause. It is a chance to create a happy final chapter to a sordid and tragic tale." http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/8 ... al_Shelter

Thanks to Millie for this one: My husband, sons, and I had stopped to take in a spectacular sunset and were on our way back to our car when four Buddhist monks walked by. When our sons asked about them, I explained, "Their life is a quest for enlightenment." "I wonder what kind of car they drive," my husband said and jokingly suggested, "A Ford Focus?" "Or a Honda Odyssey," I said. The monks got into a Pathfinder.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Canned Cream Soups Cream soups, like cream of mushrooms, make easy sauces for vegetables, sauces and casserole filling. Stock up on cream soups when they are sale, they are a great time saving staple to have in your pantry. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

GROAN ALERT! (Some of you may have to read this one out loud, to get it.) Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at all her bean soup made her the talk of New England society. At a party celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles Street restaurant, an old matron approached Mrs. O'Malley and said, "My dear girl, what is the secret of your soup?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is that I use but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it." The woman said, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it too farty."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Harbin 2008 Ice and Snow sculptures
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 199 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 1639 )
Dear Webby: Compaq Problems 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Tuesday, January 22, 2008
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. --- Thomas A. Edison
A bad joke bonehead award goes to a Texas rancher who depreciated 15 to 20 animals, something only allowed if the animals are used in breeding who, when asked by the IRS agent at an audit, "I presume you breed these animals?" replied that he didn't, giving his accountant a heart attack. But then, after a pregnant pause, continued, "I've got a bull for that."
Two nuns decide they're going to sneak out of the convent and have a real night on the town. They hit all the bars and dance clubs, and decide they've finally got to head back to the convent. To enter the convent's grounds they have to crawl under some barbed wire. The nuns start crawling under the wire on their bellies. As they're crawling under the wire, the first nun turns to the second and says, "I feel like a Marine." The second replies, "Yeah, me too, but where can you find one this time of night?"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Everybody's heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They fueled up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way. The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people inside. The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!" ------------------------ If you ARE interested in Area 51, head up Interstate 15 from Las Vegas towards Utah, hang a left at Highway 93, turn left at Extraterrestrial Highway, yes it's really called that!, about 40 Miles to 51 Road on the left. If you don't get stopped, about half an hour down that road is Area 51. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a wannabe robber in Edmonton, Alberta Wrong time and place January 18, 2008 - Edmondton, Alberta, Canada - Reuters A would-be Canadian robber picked the wrong place at the wrong time this week, attempting to hit a liquor store -- right across the street from a police station in the midst of a shift change. Police in the western Canadian city of Edmonton, Alberta, said a man wearing a ski mask walked into the liquor store and demanded cash. The clerk refused to co-operate and the man, unable to fill his pockets, fled the store. The clerk called the police just as the station was packed with officers preparing for the shift change. Several of them just walked to the store parking lot and arrested the man there. The 37-year-old has been charged with attempted robbery. http://uk.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnou ... 2520080118
Thanks to VeeGee for sending this picture: Art Carr who is now retired from NB Power took this picture at his home in Douglas Tuesday, January 15, 2008, A few more people sent the same picture later on in the day, each time supposedly from a different location. By afternoon the deer and cat had migrated as far south as Pennsylvania.
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Compaq Woes Dear Webby, I am having a tough time finding the serial # and the Product number for the Compaq I gave to my neighbors. We have lQQked everywhere on that Computer...I called Hewlett Packard 5 times already and they tell me they are not the right numbers...They said the serial # has to start with an MY, MX or CN...cannot find the product # either and we went over the Computer with fine tooth comb...Nothing we give the Compaq techs comes close. Guessing there will never be a recovery disk for it...Avast will not install no how...She told me she removed Google from her ADD-REMOVE programs since she thought maybe all the Pop-ups were coming faster than she can X them out but I don't think it has anything to do with it...Webby is there any way to re-do it without the Recovery Disk. Jaye Dear Jaye That is typical for HP. They have a reputation to live up to. Don't expect any useful help from them. I am assuming that you already ran Spybot-Search&Destroy and the free McAfee one time on-line Virus Scan. You can try running the Belarc Advisor from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools. It MIGHT show the number. If not,.... If you can't find the set-up CD, you can either march down to Staples, plunk down $100 for an XP package, or go to the second hand store and buy some old klunker, that has the set-up CD with it, for $50 - $75. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to John for this story: I made the decision to finally do something about the 600 pounds I'm carrying on my 5'4" frame. So, I headed down to the local sports shoe store and was just amazed at the tremendous selection of different shoes. Flat arch, high arch, over-pronator, neutral-pronator, under-pronator . . . my God! I finally selected a pair and, as I was trying 'em on, I asked the saleslady, "What's this little pocket thing on the side for?" She said, "Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call a cab when you've jogged too far."

Deeli's Kudos January 19, 2008 - Mountain, North Dakota - AP A small North Dakota town is getting a bit of foreign aid to help build its community center: a $75,000 donation from Iceland. Officials in Mountain, a northeastern North Dakota community with a rich Icelandic heritage told Iceland Prime Minister Geir Haarde about the $1.3 million community center project when he came to the town last year for the 108th annual August the Deuce Icelandic Celebration. It commemorates the beginning of Iceland's journey to independence from Denmark. Mountain's community center will house the local fire department, a cafe and other businesses, a banquet room and a church office. Mountain Mayor Tim Moore said it will serve not only the town but the region, where people from Iceland settled in the 1870s. http://www.happynews.com/news/1192008/i ... a-town.htm

Thanks to marion for this: Women's Lament: The nice men are ugly. The handsome men are not nice. The handsome and nice men are gay. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money. The handsome men without money are after our money. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!! And yet, WOMEN are the CONFUSED sex??? ----------------------- What's so confusing with clear guidelines like that? Make the first move and get on with life!

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Marked Down Meat Grocery stores mark down meat when it gets near its "sell by" date. If you are shopping for tonight's dinner then this meat can be real bargain. If you don't plan on eating the meat quickly, freeze it for future use. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Wendy tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to Paul her good friend. Paul told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied Wendy, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said Paul. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, Wendy made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Paul asked Wendy, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied Wendy, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Mallards on the Wing
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 181 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1622 )
Dear Webby: PDF Reader 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Monday, January 21, 2008
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. --- Alfred Hitchcock Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. --- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
Hi Webby You can tell Danialle that I live in Sydney on the east coast of Australia! Along with sulphur-crested cockatoos!! Kind regards Cheryl
Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage. Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse."
The big thing today is computer dating. If you don't know how to run a computer, it really dates you.

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park --the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into McDonalds they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a theater to see Star Wars--more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant dress size." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Police in Brighton, England Pol-ice January 20, 2008 - Szigliget, Hungary - Ananova "Pol-ice" An entire police squad had to be rescued from a frozen lake in Hungary after an officer tried to chase a robber across the ice. Policewoman Ani Kosut fell through ice in Szigliget in the west of the country. Passers-by called other police but as they tried to fish her out, they fell in as well and more officers had to be called. Thirty policemen ended up in the freezing waters before a team of fire fighters finally dragged them all to safety. The robber was not caught. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2685944.html?menu=
Thanks to Arturas for this picture: It's a bird
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: PDF Reader Dear Webby, Really like your humor[most of the time]. Anyway, I'd like to ask you a question about the Acrabat Reader. I don't have one on my computer and to get certain e-mails to open I must have one. Especially the bill for my internet service. Is there a free service or do you know where I can get it.? Thanks so much and for all your good advice. It has helped me alot. Carole Dear Carole You can use Open Office or Foxit Foxit or Adobe Acrobat Reader Acrobat Reader In case you forget these links, they are alos in my toolbox: Tool Box Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery for this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I Dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk."

Deeli's Kudos January 18, 2008 - Odessa, Texas - AP A local church has given US$145,000 to the Odessa Police Department for the money to distributed among underpaid officers. Rev. Don Caywood of Odessa Christian Faith Center handed the money over to police Chief Chris Pipes at a Sunday service. The department will distribute $1,000 cheques to 145 employees. "It became obvious our men and women in blue are underpaid," Caywood told the congregation during the service. Caywood said the church, which has a weekly attendance of about 1,600, raised most of the money since late October. Caywood said he was inspired after hearing of officers battling for better pay and benefits. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0801 ... otes_texas

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?" The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The whole rest of your life."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Food Fix - Freshen Stale Snacks If your chips, cracker or pretzels have gone a bit stale, freshen them up by placing on a cookie sheet, single layer, in a 250 degree oven for 10 or 15 minutes. They will be as good as new. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

This country is so full of opportunity. Where else can a woman hire another woman to do her housework so that she can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning woman leaves her child?

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Things Exotic
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 198 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1546 )
Dear Webby: Storage for back-ups 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Sunday, January 20, 2008
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. --- Mark Twain If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. --- Dick Cavett We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements in life, when all we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about." --- Charles Kingsley
Hi Webby, Where is it that Cheryl lives that has sulphur-crested cockatoos? Thank You, Danialle
Thanks to VK for this story: A guy had a major argument with his wife. He thought maybe he was in the wrong, but not enough to back down without an argument. So after storming away and cooling off, the guy reconsidered his position and realized he was clearly in the wrong and felt pretty guilty about all the trauma he had caused. So to make it up to his wife he said he'd buy her a gift. "Any thing at all, my love", the guy said overcome with remorse. "Oh, I don't know," she replied, "you really don't have to do this, you know. But if you insist, just get me something really expensive that I don't need." The following day he booked her for a complete set of dental crowns.
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?" The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you." The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
An American tourist was visiting in the Netherlands. During his stay in Amsterdam his watch stopped running. He asked one of the locals where he could get his watch fixed. The tourist was guided to the Jewish section of town. He was then directed toward a shop that had clocks displayed in the window. The American tourist entered the shop. Inside, behind a desk, sat an elderly Jewish man with a full beard. TOURIST: Hello. JEWISH MAN: Hello. TOURIST: I came here to have my watch fixed. JEWISH MAN: Sorry, I don't fix watches. I am a Mohel. TOURIST: What's a Mohel? JEWISH MAN: A Mohel is a Jewish Man who performs ritual circumcisions. TOURIST: Ritual circumcisions! But why do you have all those clocks in the window?! JEWISH MAN: So what you want me to have in my window? Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Police in Brighton, England Clouded Not sure about this one but certainly seems a huge waste of tax dollars to me ... January 15, 2008 - Brighton, England - UPI Police in Brighton, England, have handed out almost $4,000 to an artist to paint clouds on the walls of a rundown bar in an attempt to keep its patrons "calm." Sussex police and Brighton and Hove City Council brought in artist Stig Evans to paint blue skies and fluffy clouds on the windows of the derelict pub, which had become a magnet for rude behavior and allegedly was even used a crack house, The Daily Mail reported Monday. City officials claim the artwork in Brighton cheers up vandals by making them think of sunny days instead of going on a wrecking spree. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-288108-984820
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Winter walk
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Gale Re: Back-up storage Dear Webby I want to tell you how much I admire your picture in which you are wearing the red shirt and hood. You make it look good! Months ago you were highly recommending a storage/recovery system for pictures; alas, I did not note the name of it. My skills are remedial and now I know enough to wish I had such a good system. Thank you for your newsletter. Gale Dear Gale Thanks for the compliments! If you have a digital camera and a chip reader, you can store files on spare camera memory chips. If you don't, then use a USB Hard Drive. I just saw this one: Seagate 250 GB removable USB Hard Drive $89 http://www.tigerdirect.com/applications ... CatId=2422 250 GB is probably way more than you need, but it is a good example. With a bit of looking around, you can probably find a 40 GB USB hard drive for under $50. They just plug into a USB port and you instantly have an additional hard drive. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends. Giovanni said, 'Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?' Luigi said, 'Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down. 'Whata you mean, Luigi?' asked Giovanni. 'Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. She broughta vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket. The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us andasay, 'no eat indisa car. Musta use a dining car.' So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta at open da bottle of a nice a vino! Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car. While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga his finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car.'. 'We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar. Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he walka through da hall shouting at a top of his a voice 'Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !' 'Nexta time, I'ma justa gonna taka da bus!'

Deeli's Kudos January 15, 2008 - Yacolt, Washington - UPI Several parrots who migrated to the Yacolt, Wash., area now have their very own custom-built, 30-foot-high nesting platforms. Joy Tindall spearheaded the project to get the parrots off a utility pole transformer platform that was dangerous for them to live on. Tindall and a group of bird lovers installed the first of several 30-foot-high nesting platforms to lure the 20 or so parrots in town away from Clark Public Utilities property. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-288107-909369

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living. "Mary, what does your parents do?" Lil' Mary replied "My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse." "Thats very nice," said the teacher, "Robert, what do your parents do?" Robert proudly exclaimed ,"My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!" "Thats very nice," said the teacher , "Johnny, what do your parents do?" He stood up and pronounced, "My dad's dead and my mom's a hooker." Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. 15 minutes later, he returned. "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" asked the teacher. Johnny replied, "Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, gave me an apple and asked for my phone number."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Day of the Week Hangers To make things easier, I made up a set of hangers with the days of the week on them. On Sundays, I go through my son's closet and put outfits together, then hang one on each "day of the week" hanger. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor. "'Putt' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means a vain attempt to do the same thing.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Endeavour Space Photos
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 315 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1578 )
Dear Webby, I have problems with junkmail 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Saturday, January 19, 2008
Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow. --- Plato
Thanks to Cookie for this story: (As sent by her, from the hospital) Cookie, Upset over the recent death of her husband Bob, So she decided to just kill herself And join him in death. Thinking it would be best to get it Over with quickly, she took out Bob's old Army pistol and made the decision to Shoot herself in the heart since it was So badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become A vegetable and a burden to someone, she called Her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location. "Since you're a woman ," The doctor said, "the easiest way to locate your heart is, it is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung up without answering Later that night, Cookie was admitted to the hospital With a gunshot wound to her knee.

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Martin for this story: A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made contact, "Connie....Connie." "Is that you, Joe?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's wonderful! What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud- lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again." "Oh, Joe you surely must be in Heaven!" "Not exactly... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona ." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Carpool Cheater in Seattle, WA Carpool Annie January 15, 2008 - Seattle, Washington - UPI A Washington state trooper said a motorist cited for driving alone in the carpool lane was traveling with an elaborately decorated dummy disguised as a human. State Patrol Trooper Jeff Merrill said the driver was pulled over after his dummy, which was in the rear passenger seat, slumped over so it could not be seen from outside the car, The Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported. Merrill said the driver admitted the dummy -- dressed in a denim jacket, a hoodie and glasses with a painted-on black beard -- was intended to fool traffic cops into thinking a passenger was riding along while the driver used the carpool lane. The man was given a $124 citation, but he was allowed to keep his mannequin.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: This one bloomed today.
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Problem with junkmail Dear Webby Getting flooded with a ton of junk mail and need to know if there is a good spam catcher. Thanks for all your hellp.... You advice keeps my Computer running smoothly. Jaye. Dear Jaye Go to http://webby.com/mailwasher and get MailWasher. You can get a free 30 day trial and get started immediately. I have been using MailWasher for years and it takes care of over 4000 pieces of spam in my mail every day. When you do eventually buy it, it is just under $30, and well worth it. Plus they buy me a regular coffee for dragging you in out of the rain. I have tried many spam control products over the years, and MailWasher beats them all. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
"Hello?" Linda responded, answering the phone. "I bet you want me to come over to your house, take you into the bedroom, undress you, lick you from head to toe, and then make mad passionate love to you all night long," the male voice whispered sensuously. "Gee," she replied. "You could tell all that just from me saying 'hello?

Deeli's Kudos January 16, 2008 - Brisbane, Australia - AP Boomerangs really do come back, even after 25 years. Officials in an Australian Outback town were surprised when a boomerang arrived in the post. Along with it was a note from a guilt-ridden American who said he stole it years earlier from a museum in the mining town of Mount Isa, and now felt rotten about it. ''I removed this back in 1983 when I was younger and dumber,'' said the note, according to Mount Isa Mayor Ron McCullough. ''It was the wrong thing to do, I'm sorry, and I'm going to send it back,'' said the note. McCullough on Thursday gave the contrite thief's first name as Peter but said it would be unfair to release his full identity. Boomerangs were traditionally used by Aborigines as a hunting weapon. A typical returning boomerang can travel up to 150 feet in the air before returning to the thrower. http://www.happynews.com/news/1182008/b ... -years.htm

After meeting with the boss, the head salesperson mustered the troops. "People," she said, "I've just been informed that we're going to be having a fire sale." "A fire sale?" spoke up one agent. "But we sell insurance." "I said a fire sale, and I meant it," she replied coldly. "Anyone who doesn't make a sale gets fired."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Roadside Assistance A lot of people pay for roadside assistance but don't have the numbers handy. Check to make sure you have numbers to call in your wallet or purse and program them into your cell phone. It's much better to make the call yourself rather than have the police arrange towing for your vehicle. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A computer program crashed in the lawyer's office, so he called a programmer. The programmer arrived, unpacked his case, did mysterious programmer-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $600. The lawyer exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a lawyer!." The programmer quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a lawyer."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Think Geek - Stuff for Smart Masses
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 198 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 311 )
Dear Webby: Internet Shortcuts not linking to browser 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Friday, January 18, 2008 Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years. --- Nick Faldo There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have. --- Don Herold
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for an hour about staying out late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, smack her on the butt and say, 'Are you as horny as I am?' She always acts like she's sound asleep!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A truck loaded with new cars had to be at the dealership before opening time the next morning. The trucker's trip had gone well except for one headlight had burned out. There was nowhere to buy a replacement along this rural road so he kept going - until the other headlight burned out, too. Well, being a fast thinker, he got out, turned on the headlights of the car on the top rack, right over his cab. This worked pretty well, he could see the road but had to slow his speed somewhat. He was watching the road carefully when he saw what looked like a tractor coming in his direction. He wasn't worried since he had lights and the tractor driver could see him. He was horrified when the other driver veered wildly off the road and ended up in a ditch. The trucker stopped, got out and ran to the farmer. "Are you OK?", he asked. The farmer looked at the wrecked tractor but found that he wasn't injured and said he was fine. The trucker was happy that the farmer was OK and asked him why he swerved off the road. The farmer replied, "When I saw you coming I thought that if you was a wide as you was high, I better git off the road!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a dopey dealer in Apple Valley, Minnesota Dopey Dealer January 17, 2008 - St. Paul, Minnesota - UPI An alleged drug dealer called Apple Valley, Minn., police to his home after his stash of marijuana and $3,200 in cash were stolen. Once the police showed up the man conceded that the thief had made off with his marijuana stash, breaking into a locked closet to complete the deed. An officer also reported scraps of paper with names, amounts and weights in another closet. "He also implied that his drug dealing was all right, stating, 'I just sell to my friends,'" said the police report. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: Internet Shortcuts not linking to browser HI I HAVE PASTED INTERNET SHORT CUTS ONTO MY DESKTOP, BUT WHEN I CLICK ON THEM THEY GIVE A MESSAGE THAT I WILL HAVE TO CREATE A ASSOCIATION FOR THEM IN THE FOLDER OPTIONS. I HAVE TRIED THIS BUT I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG, CAN YOU HELP ? THANKS BILL Dear Bill Open a File Explorer, Click on Tools, Folder Options File Types In there scroll down to Internet Shortcut and make sure your chosen browser is associated with it. You might also want to try to just drag the little icon on the left of the browser address bar onto the desktop, instead of pasting anything. Dragging that icon to the desktop makes an instant Internet shortcut, that can even be used to open your chosen browser. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com

Deeli's Kudos January 17, 2008 - Florida - Gimundo Restaurant kitchens are full of delicious dishes. But in many U.S. states, including Florida, when the kitchen closes, everything that hasn't been sold gets tossed out with the trash. 11-year-old Jack Davis wasn't a fan of this policy, which is due to a law stating that restaurants can be sued if the food makes anyone sick, even if given away. "I thought it pretty disturbing to see pounds of food being thrown away every single day." So he decided to do something about it. State Senator Nan Rich fell in love with Jack's idea. Now, Jack's bright idea is on the fast track to becoming a state law, which means that restaurants will be free to hand out their leftovers with no fear of lawsuits. Thanks to his work, thousands of hungry people around Florida will have access to food that would otherwise be wasted. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/7 ... the_Hungry

Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, Keli would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, Greg found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Greg," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry." replied Greg. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Losing Weight A common New Year's Resolution is losing weight. Companies will sell you products that claim to help you lose weight, when accompanied with changes in diet and exercise. Rather than buying these products, start by developing a good exercise routine and a healthy diet first. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Wife: Oh, come on. Husband: Leave me alone! Wife: It won't take long. Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards. Wife: I can't sleep without it. Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night? Wife: Because I'm hot. Husband: You get hot at the darnedest times. Wife: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you. Husband: If you love me you'd be more considerate. Wife: You don't love me anymore. Husband: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight. Wife: (Sob-Sob) Husband: Alright, I'll do it. Wife: What's the matter? Need a flashlight? Husband: I can't find it. Wife: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it! Husband: There! Are you satisfied? Wife: Oh, yes, honey. Husband: Is it up far enough? Wife: Oh, that's fine. Husband: Now go to sleep and from now on, when you want the window open, open it before you go to bed.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Dragon Fruit
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 165 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1494 )
Dear Webby: Open Office and PPS 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Thursday, January 17, 2008 Tomorrow is Friday!
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. --- Albert Einstein
Thanks to Sandie for this story: My creative mother enjoys doing crafts, such as making potpourri boxes decorated with ribbon and lace. Sometimes she gets so involved that she disappears into her upstairs workroom for hours, forgetting about more mundane things, like making dinner. One evening, I arrived home to find the kitchen empty again. But this time, I found a note that said, "Warning! Small craft advisory. Buy yourself a pizza!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Scorpio9 for this story: A little old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?" "Are you nuts?!!!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does." Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again. "Listen you, I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?" She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars. Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there." So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them. The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?" "Nah", says the little old Jewish man ... costs too much." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Derrick Kosch, 25, in Kokomo, Indiana KOKOMO, Ind. (UPI) -- Police in Kokomo, Ind., said a robbery suspect accidentally shot himself in the groin as he put his gun in the waistband of his pants during a holdup. Authorities were called to the Village Pantry store at about 4:20 a.m. Tuesday by a female clerk who said a man fled after accidentally shooting himself during a robbery. The clerk did not see the shot, as she was retrieving cigarettes for the robber at the time, but surveillance footage shows the man accidentally firing the gun into his genitals while depositing it in his waistband. The robber ran off with the money, but police were called shortly after the incident and told there was a man who had been shot in a house on East North Street . Derrick Kosch, 25, was found with wounds to a testicle and one of his legs. Police said he would be arrested for armed robbery and related charges following surgery. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-288479-393524
Thanks to Cheryl for this picture: Hi Webby Re the photo on Monday- Maybe those cats in the tree were watching these birds in the tree near my house!!They are sulphur-crested cockatoos. They eat everything from the fruit off my trees to my outdoor fairy lights! Have even seen them attacking the baby clothes on next door's clothesline! Think we need those cats! Cheryl
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cookie Re: Open Office and PPS Dear Webby: My personal computer Guru, Do I understand this correctly??? With Open Office you can snag individual pictures from pps shows? I sure hope so...there are so many fantastic pictures in pps files. Cookie Dear Cookie Yes, you can! It opens the PPS with thumbnails of the individual pictures down along the left margin, and the highlighted thumbnail as the big picture in the center. You can edit the pictures, put text on them, change the duration of the show time, etc. And you can of course save the individual pictures that are "keepers". Or you can hit F5 for a traditional sit-back show. I can just hear you now: "Oh WOW! This is the way it should have been all along!" All of Open Office is that way. Like Microsoft Office SHOULD have been all along. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to Meredith for this famous classic: ( For English as a second language students: The old word for donkey, as used in the bible, is ass. When used in that sense, the word is no more obscene or objectionable than the word donkey. ) The Pastor's Ass The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the ad lines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The bishop was buried the next day.

Deeli's Kudos January 14, 2008 - Fairburn, South Dakota - UPI An 80-year-old Fairburn, S.D., woman shot and killed a mountain lion that was squaring off with her dog in her yard. Martha Smith said she first fired at the lion when she came outside and saw the cat snarling at her Border collie, Bo, whose barking alerted Smith to the unwelcome guest, The Rapid City (S.D.) Journal reported Wednesday. Smith missed with her first shot, which failed to scare off the intruder, and went inside to phone the authorities. However, the 911 dispatcher told Smith no one from Game, Fish & Parks was immediately available to take care of the lion. Smith said she saw no other option than to take a second shot at the big cat. "I knew I'd have to kill him," she said. "You can't have a mountain lion in your yard." She said she got within 20 or 25 feet of the lion and felled the beast in a single, second shot.

Thanks to Sandie for this story: My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements and the director showed us into a room in which containers for ashes were on display. After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had decided. She sighed, "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go into the ground." After a moment's pause, however, she continued, "But I really prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com January's Best Food Buys Buy food that is in season and you can save money at the grocery store. Here are January's Best Buys: Apples, Beef, Broccoli, Brussels sprouts, Chicken, Eggs, Grapefruit, Oranges, Pork, Rhubarb, and Turnips. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife brought his lunch to him. Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly. At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the women offered their sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side. When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?" Well, Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty," so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, "Is that mule for sale.....!?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lightning
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 144 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1448 )
Dear Webby, how do I unlock the icons? 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young. --- Henry Ford
Thanks to Cookie for this: I Saw a billboard that said: Need help? Call Jesus. 1-800-005-3787 ...Out of curiosity I did. A Mexican showed up with a tow truck.

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: The doctor said to a patient's husband, "I'm sorry. We did all that was humanly possible, but we just can't wake her from her coma. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid." "But doctor, she's so young! She's only thirty-nine." Upon which the comatose wife said weakly, "Thirty-seven." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a driver in Restalrig, Scotland Rude Scott January 15, 2008 - Restalrig, Scotland - UPI After running down an 11-year-old boy in Restalrig, Scotland, a driver stopped only briefly to rant about the damage to his vehicle. Lee Robertson suffered a broken collarbone, a broken shoulder and needed 12 stitches above his left eye after the Saturday crash, the Edinburgh Evening News reported. His mother, Michelle Robertson, said her son is lucky to be alive. "After hitting Lee, the driver stopped further on down the road and then ran back up," Robertson said Monday. "He didn't try to help him though and shouted 'look what you have done to my car.'" A Lothian and Borders Police spokesman said no arrests had been made in the incident and the investigation was ongoing. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-287997-895835
Thanks to Arturas for this picture: Tesla Fun!
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kitty Re: Locked icons Dear webby: here i am again. how do i unlock the icons. to where we can move them around the screen. not all bunched toughther. ? Kitty Dear Kitty Right-click on the desktop and choose Arrange Icons. Unclick Auto Arrange. Unclick Align to grid. They should now stay where you put them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Old buddies Father Mulhaney and Rabbi Silverman were having their monthly breakfast. Father Mulhaney was enjoying his usual bacon and eggs, while Rabbi Silverman was savoring his lox and bagels . Father Mulhaney asked, "Would you like to try a piece of bacon? Lots of people eat bacon, and it is very tasty. Why don't you try a piece?" Rabbi Silverman replied, "You are quite right, my friend. I think I will try some bacon." "When?" asked the priest. "At your wedding, of course," responded the rabbi

Deeli's Kudos January 12, 2008 - LONDON -AP An 88-year-old Briton is perfecting his pirouettes in preparation for his debut as a ballet dancer in Prokofiev's "The Stone Flower." John Lowe, a grandfather of 11, began ballet dancing nine years ago after his daughter became a professional dancer. Now he is scheduled to perform Sunday at The Maltings theatre in Ely, about 120 kilometres north of London. According to Lowe there is nothing effeminate about ballet dancing. He says a person has to be incredibly fit to do ballet and that personally, it gives him a wonderful feeling. Lowe adds that he always wanted to dance and that it's never too late to learn. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0801 ... old_dancer

An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," St. Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship style golf course that the home was located at. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" St. Peter replied, "This is heaven, you play for free." Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine of the World laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" St. Peter replied, with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. St. Peter lectured, "That's the best part - you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven." With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly. St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here years ago!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Dry Dog Food If you have a large dog, store dog food in a plastic garbage can or large tub. For smaller dogs, you can you use a small plastic tub or one of those decorative tins that popcorn comes in. Just empty the bag of dry food into the container and keep a scoop in it. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Today at work, the boss wanted to know when Father's Day was. "Easy," I answered. "It's nine months before Mother's Day."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Arturas for today's Bonus Link: Tesla Coil Fun: Man made lightning
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 365 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.8 / 310 )
Dear Webby, how do I read PPS files? 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Tuesday, January 15, 2008
There are four ways, and only four ways, in which we have contact with the world. We are evaluated and classified by these four contacts: what we do, how we look, what we say, and how we say it. --- Dale Carnegie
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A husky biker stopped by the local Harley shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He also stopped by the feed store and livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?' The biker said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane . I would walk you home but I can't carry this stuff.' The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?' 'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he said 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.' The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall and have your way with me?' The biker said, 'Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?' The lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A father is In church with three of his young children, including his five-year-old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The five-year-old was taken by the whole procedure of pouring water over the infant's head... With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and whispered, "Daddy, is he brainwashing that baby? Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Herrios Coronilla in Durham, North Carolina Smelly Evidence January 10, 2008 - Durham, North Carolina - AP Dog isn't this man's best friend. Police in North Carolina say Josue Herrios-Coronilla, 18, drove his black Camaro on the wrong side of the road Wednesday and crashed into the yard of a man who owns four dogs. Police found crushed bushes, a damaged fence, an inoperable car - and a fresh shoe print in a pile of dog feces. Following an odoriferous trail down the street, Sgt. Dale Gunter noticed a white van driving toward him. When he asked the passenger to step out, he noticed the smell of alcohol on the man's breath and evidence all over his shoes. Herrios-Coronilla was charged with driving while impaired and drinking underage and released on $1,500 bail. http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/080110/K011006AU.html
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Roseate Spoonbill
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maggie Re: PPS problem Dear Webby, I have a question to ask you and hope you can help me. i have windows 2000 professional and hispeed internet and i can't get any of the pps things to open. can you help me ? maggie Dear Maggie You need a PowerPoint reader, either the one from Microsoft or the one from Open Office. If you like "adopting" pictures from PPS shows, get the one from Open Office. You can get the entire Open Office suite, the equivalent of Microsoft Office 2009, free at http://www.openoffice.org/ Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A man goes into a bar very thirsty. He sits down waiting for the bartender to see him. The man next to him calls for the bartender saying, "I'll have another waterloo." The bartender gives him a tall, ice-cold drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Wanting to try this new drink he says, "I'll have a waterloo too.'" The bartender gives him a tall, ice-cold drink. He takes a big drink and says "HEY! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water ! " The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it IS water...right Lou?"

Deeli's Kudos January 13, 2008 - Deerfield, Massachusetts - AP John Carney was dumping a load of brush at the local waste transfer station last week when he noticed a man's gold wedding band partially buried in the sand. Intrigued by the ''Ed and Linda'' and ''June 9, 1996'' engravings inside the band, Carney decided to do some detective work. With the help of local librarians, the 57-year-old South Deerfield man went through the Deerfield town report for 1996 and looked up weddings. He found a listing for Ed and Linda LaCoille on June 9 of that year. Last week, he returned the ring to the LaCoilles' house. Ed Lacoille had lost the ring more than six months ago. ''I never expected to find it again,'' Linda LaCoille said. ''It was amazing.'' LaCoille said he recently lost weight, which may explain why the ring keeps slipping off his finger. He's keeping it in a box now until he can get it resized. http://www.happynews.com/news/1092007/m ... d-time.htm

A wife was getting tired of her husband golfing every Saturday, so she decided to go with him to see what the attraction was. His first drive of the day went into the rough, then his second shot bounced across the fairway into the lake. After retrieving his ball, his third shot wasn't any better. It went back across the fairway into the rough again. After taking several more shots to finally reach the green, he turned to his wife and said, "And you thought I was having a good time."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Start Your Day With a List To stay organized, get a spiral notebook and start making lists. Start by writing today's date followed by everything you need to do that day. As you finish items, cross them out with a single line, so you can still read what it said. Anything that is still on the list at the end of the day, goes on the top of the next day. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, Do you have to tell it all? Where do you get the glaring right To make my clothes look just too tight? I think I'm fine but I can see you won't co-operate with me; The way you let the shadows play, You'd think my hair was getting grey What's that, you say? A double chin? No, that's the way the light comes in; If you persist in peering so, You'll confiscate my facial glow, And then if you're not hanging straight, You'll tell me next I'm gaining weight; I'm really quite upset with you, For giving this distorted view; I hate you being smug and wise... O, look what's happened to my thighs! I warn you now, O mirrored wall, Since we're not on speaking terms at all, If I look like this in my new jeans, You'll find yourself in smithereens!!

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Smurfs: 50th birthday!
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 235 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1257 )
Dear Webby, how do I reset the Admin password in Windows? 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Monday, January 14, 2008
Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. --- Doug Larson
Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God." "Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Two voices, male and female, on an overnight "red eye" plane flight. "I think everyone's asleep, lets go" Sound of steps. "This one's empty. No ones is looking. You go in first" "It a bit cramped, let me sit down" "Have you got the condom? Quick, put it on" Sniff sniff "Ah perfume you think of everything" "This is great..." (long sigh) Static on the loud speaker then a new voice. "This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing and it is expressly forbidden by airline regulations. Now put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the fake smoke detector!" ------------- Frequent fliers know that airplane toilets have "fart extractors", the smelly air is suckd down the toilet and allowed to escape to the thin air outside. By bending low over the toilet, as if praying to Ralph, the god of drunks, you can have that smelly cigarette, that is between going berserk and relaxed calmness. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the FBI confidential funds department Who's in charge of phone bills? January 11, 2008 - Washington - UPI The FBI has failed to pay phone bills on time, causing telecommunication firms to temporarily cut off wiretaps used for terrorism investigations, an audit found. In a review of the FBI's handling of special funds used for secret operations, the Justice Department's inspector general found an archaic payment system that goes through disorganized third-party offices. A summary of the audit released Thursday noted that a telecommunication specialist pled guilty in June 2006 to stealing more than 25,000 dollars in confidential funds. The audit found that the employee had taken advantage of the FBI's mismanagement of bills to steal money from refund checks, as the agency even has trouble cashing refunds from overpaid bills. The audit concluded that the Federal Bureau of Investigation was particularly bad about paying phone bills by their due date. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/080111/o ... us_spy_fbi
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Lost Win 2000 Admin password Dear Webby, I am having a problem with my computer. Windows 2000 Pro will not accept the administrative password that has been acceptable for the past four years. What suggestions do you have for solving this problem? Thanks, Bob Dear Bob Somebody must have accidentally changed it, or let it expire, like Microsoft wants it to, in order of reminding you that it is time to buy new software from them. I found this remedy: Reset Password Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization. That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus." "We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth, because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin." "You're both wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins when the children have graduated from college and moved out of the house."

Deeli's Kudos January 13, 2008 - Vernon, B.C. - Canadian Press A 10 year -old is being credited with halting what had the potential to be a mini crime wave in Vernon, B.C. The youngster was among two families renting a chalet at the Silver Star Mountain ski resort near Vernon. Both families were victimized when someone apparently used the proper code to open the door of their chalet and made off with numerous items ranging from passports to cash, computers and sunglasses. The description of the suspect was passed to the robbery victims and the 10-year-old quickly recognized the man as part of the cleaning crew working in the suite when the families arrived at the chalet. Officers traced the man through the cleaning company, recovered all the stolen items at the his home and are continuing their investigation. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0801 ... kid_sleuth

Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Acron, Ohio."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Video Tapes Be careful that your video and camcorder tapes are stored away from electronics that have a magnetic field, like stereo speakers and TV's. Store your tapes somewhere dry and room temperature (60-70 F). Consider having a backup created on DVD of irreplaceable home movies. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friend's house. Knowing his sweet tooth, Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No, but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without asking."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Bowling Ball Art
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 220 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 287 )
Dear Webby: Extend range of cell phone 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Sunday, January 13, 2008
Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge's chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view. --- Lillian Hellman
A bishop discovered a tribe of Indians in the Amazon who had never recorded a baptism, confirm- ation or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every couple that walked by and desired such. Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives...!"
While attending a convention, I breakfasted in a cafe, next to two gray-haired men from the same symposium. I overheard one remark, "You know, this is the first time in 40 years we've gone to one of these without our wives." His pal leaned back, contemplating what such freedom might portend. "I know," he said, laying his menu aside. "Let's have biscuits and gravy!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Young Judy, the editor of a trivia publication, was having trouble with her computer. So she called Prem, the computer guy, over to her desk. Prem clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Judy called after him, "So, what was wrong?" And he replied, "It was an "ID ten T" error." A puzzled expression ran over Judy's face. "An "ID ten T" error? What's that?.. in case I need to fix it again??" He gave her a grin... "Haven't you ever heard of an "ID ten T" error before?" "No," replied Judy. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." She wrote..... I D 1 0 T Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David J. Dalaia and James O'Hare, in Manhattan Danger to himself January 9, 2008 - New York - AP Two men wheeled a dead man through the streets in an office chair to a check-cashing store and tried to cash his Social Security check before being arrested on fraud charges, police said. David J. Dalaia and James O'Hare pushed Virgilio Cintron's body from the Manhattan apartment that O'Hare and Cintron shared to Pay-O-Matic, about a block away. The men left Cintron's body outside the store, went inside and tried to cash his $355 check. The store's clerk, who knew Cintron, asked the men where he was, and O'Hare told the clerk they would go and get him. A police detective who was having lunch at a restaurant next to the check-cashing store noticed a crowd forming around Cintron's body and called the local precinct. Uniformed police and EMT's arrived as O'Hare and Dalaia were preparing to wheel Cintron's body into the check-cashing store. http://apnews.myway.com/article/20080109/D8U24GJ80.html
Thanks to Arturos for this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nita Re: Remote Cellphone Access Dear Webby, We live in a very remote area where it is difficult to use a cell phone. Do you know if an outside antenna would help and if so which one? Enjoy your tech support every day, Thank you, Nita Dear Nita You need more than just an antenna. You need a base station transceiver, which doesn't just improve the incoming signal, but also boosts the outgoing signal. I installed a few of them in the 80's in the Yukon, for people who live outside the range of the cell towers. The first step is to contact your cell provider and ask them which brand and model of base station to use with their signal and at your location. Mobile cell phones are strictly limited as to how much power they are allowed to transmit, but with fixed base stations located out of normal range, you are allowed to exceed that a bit. You probably won't get a lot of cooperation, because too many people have abused remote base station transceivers to increase their downtown traffic talking power, and given them a bad name. If you don't get any useful advice from your cell provider, contact the people at CellPhoneSolutions. Their booster is at http://www.cellphoneantennas.com/booster1.html It is said to "move" you 20 Miles closer to the cell tower. You can call them at (866) 591-8313 Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
During our Marine boot-camp class on combat gear, the drill instructor told us to put on the equipment we had been issued; then he would inspect us. Soon after, a frantic recruit, helmet liner in hand, ran up to the DI. "Sir," he began, "the private's helmet liner does not fit the private's head, sir." The DI, obviously perturbed that the recruit hadn't listened to his instructions on how to adjust the liner, looked into the Marine's face. "Okay, private," he said. "This is what I want you to do. Go into the gear locker, find a new head to fit your helmet liner and use that one!"

Deeli's Kudos January 3, 2007 - New York - AP Doctors say they have never seen anything like it. A window washer who fell 47 stories from the roof of a Manhattan skyscraper is now awake, talking to his family and expected to walk again. Thirty-seven-year-old Alcides Moreno plummeted more than 150 metres in a Dec. 7 scaffolding collapse that killed his brother. Somehow, Moreno lived, and doctors at New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center announced today that his recovery has been astonishing. He has movement in all his limbs, is breathing on his own and on Christmas Day, he opened his mouth and spoke for the first time since the accident. His wife, Rosario Moreno, says her husband keeps telling her that it just wasn't his time. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0801 ... l_survivor

A missionary recruit goes to Venezuela for the first time, struggling with the language. He visits one of the local churches and sits in the front row. So as not to make a fool of himself, he decides to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He decides to follow the man sitting next to him in the front pew. As they sing, the man claps his hands, so the missionary recruit claps, too. When the man stands up to pray, the missionary recruit stands up, too. When the man sits down, the missionary sits down. Later in the service, the man next to him stands up again, so the missionary stands up, too. Suddenly a hush falls over the entire congregation. A few people gasp. The missionary looks around and sees that no one else is standing. So he sits down. After the service ends, the missionary recruit greets the preacher. "I take it you don't speak Spanish," the preacher says. The missionary replies, "No, I don't. It's that obvious?" "Well yes," the preacher says. "I announced that the Acosta family had a new-born baby boy, and I asked the proud father to please stand up."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Monthly Resolutions Most people don't succeed with their New Year's resolutions. Try starting smaller, with weekly or monthly resolutions. If you are trying to cut down on fast food, commit yourself to not eating out for a month. It can be easier to achieve goals when the finish isn't so far in the future. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

I walked into Dairy Queen the other day and asked for a hot fudge sundae with extra hot fudge. The girl replied, "The hot fudge only comes in one temperature, Sir."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Life under the sea
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 327 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1193 )
Dear Webby: No right click 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Saturday, January 12, 2008
You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. --- Henry Ford The man or woman who treasures his friends is usually solid gold himself. ---Marjorie Holmes
Bernie was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the grocery store!" "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Bernie boy decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answered and Bernie said, "May I speak with the Vice President of prunes, please?" The clerk replied, "Dried, canned or frozen?"
While driving through Buffalo after a heavy snow storm, a motorist noted a cop, apparently waist deep in snow, directing traffic. Feeling sorry for him, the motorist called out "I'm sorry you have to work half buried in the snow." The cop called back "Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for my horse!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but they always had a somewhat lively effect on him. After he met the woman of his dreams, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave them up; he couldn't imagine subjecting his new wife to his beastly emissions. On his birthday, his car broke down, so he called his wife and told her he'd have to walk home. He walked past a cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he was still a couple of miles from home, he figured he could indulge, and then walk off any ill effects. So he had three extra-large helpings of beans, and he "put-putted" all the way home. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She blindfolded him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table, making him promise not to peek. At this point, he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang and she went to answer it. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He gasped and felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. This one sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. He tried flapping his arms, to clear the air. But another one snuck out, and the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead. When he heard his wife ending her conversation, he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. He was the picture of innocence when she walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. He assured her he had not, so she removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!!" To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a klutzy shoplifter in Grand Rapids, Michigan Danger to himself January 10, 2008 - Grand Rapids, Michigan - AP A man who hid hunting knives in his pants to try to steal them from a western Michigan store tripped while fleeing and stabbed himself in the abdomen, police say. The suspect was hospitalized after Monday night's attempted theft from a Meijer Inc. superstore in Grand Rapids and is expected to face a misdemeanor shoplifting charge, police say. The man had put about $300 worth of hunting knives in his waistband and as he tried to leave the store Meijer employees confronted him and a scuffle followed. The man then fell and was stabbed by the knives he had hidden in his clothing, police said. Police said the suspect has a record of retail fraud. http://wcco.com/watercooler/knives.robb ... 25954.html
Thanks to Niki for these pictures: Hi Webby, I have been a fan of your emails for many years now and just a silent reader. But I finally have something worth sharing to your readers. Attached is some pictures for you to choose from to post of a cute humming bird that has moved in just outside our office. I'l send you updated pictures when the eggs hatch. Niki
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helene Re: No Right Click Dear Webby, Although I disagree with most of your political & social beliefs, your letter is really addictive and, hate to admit this, but enjoy -- a lot. So, thanks. Before I go through an elaborate process, any hints about what causes the right button of a mouse to suddenly stop functioning? It worked fine yesterday. Appreciate any advice. Helene Dear Helene First go into Settings, Control Panel, Mouse, Buttons and make sure that right clicking has not been turned off by some left-wing liberal program. If that is OK, shake and bash the mouse on the table. Don't be too gentle, except with the mouse cord. Make sure that there won't be any strain on the mouse cord during that. If that does not help either, replace the mouse. They are not made to last forever. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your truck?" "Manure," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy. "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar and cream on ours."

Deeli's Kudos A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, 'Marian, Marian!' Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, 'You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know.' 'I know,' said the child, 'but the store is full of mothers.' January 10, 2008 - Buesum, Germany - News.com.au The owner of a small German computer company has fired three non-smoking workers because they were threatening to disturb the peace after they requested a smoke-free environment. The manager of the 10-person IT company in Buesum, named Thomas J, told the Hamburger Morgenpost newspaper he had fired the trio because their non-smoking was causing disruptions. Germany introduced non-smoking rules in pubs and restaurants on January 1, but Germans working in small offices are still allowed to smoke. "I can't be bothered with trouble-makers," Thomas was quoted saying. "We're on the phone all the time and it's just easier to work while smoking. Everyone picks on smokers these days. It's time for revenge. I'm only going to hire smokers from now on." http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23 ... 62,00.html

A customer at Goldblatt's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Goldblatt, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Goldblatt replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on my secret: Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only $4 apiece," says Goldblatt. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting, and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough of them," says Goldblatt. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Goldblatt," he says, "you're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!" "You see?" says Goldblatt. "You're smarter already."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Eat Half Your Entree Restaurant serving sizes are often more than a person can or should eat. Try this: as soon as the server sets down a plate, divide your meal in half. Eat half at the restaurant and take the other half home to eat for lunch the following day. Denny's Restaurants tend to get carried away a bit, in some towns. Here is a picture of my dad when I took him into Dennys for a well deserved Banana Split in Barstow. We had been driving and running through the desert all day, taking pictures of cacti, but that was too much. Dennys also gets quite carried away with their Chef Salad. You can eat one normal portion and have enough left over to take home for side salads for four people the next day. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" "Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Bumper Stickers
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 183 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1237 )
Dear Webby: Wandering Arrow 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Friday, January 11, 2008 Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!
I believe that people would be alive today if there were a death penalty. --- Nancy Reagan Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. --- John Russell
David was a crotchety old fellow who always took breakfast with his wife. He would read the morning paper while she fumed at his neglect, and today of all days because it was their 25th wedding anniversary. “David!! David!! Put down that paper and let’s talk about how we are going to celebrate our wedding anniversary today. What do you suggest?” David put his newspaper down, removed and polished his glasses, stared for a moment into the distance, then said, “How about two minutes of silence?”
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby- sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him." At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you clowns asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Mary for this: When you get angry it's because you're ill-tempered... It just happens that my nerves are bothering me. When you don't like someone it's because you're prejudiced... I just happen to be a good judge of human nature. When you compliment people it's because you use flattery to get your way... I only encourage people. When you take a long time to do a job it's because you're unbearable slow and pokey... I take a long time because I believe in quality workmanship. When you spend your paycheck in 24 hours, it's because you're a spendthrift... When I do, it's because I'm generous. When you stay in bed until 11 A.M., it's because you're a lazy good-for-nothing bum... When I stay in bed a little longer, it's because I'm totally exhausted. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a hotel in Auckland, new Zealand Total lack of security January 9, 2008 - Auckland, New Zealand - UPI A con man pretending to be an intoxicated guest tricked the staff at a New Zealand hotel into giving him a room key that he used to rob an entire family. Evelyn Black said her family had been eating dinner one night in Auckland when an unidentified man falsely identified himself as a member of their family and was given the key to their room. "He came to the desk clearly intoxicated, although we think now that may have been part of his con game. He said, 'I'm Black. Can I have my room key?" Black said that without asking for identification, hotel staff gave the man a key to the family's room, and the mistake resulted in the family losing all its valuables, including a computer and even their passports. The Canadian family was able to get new travel documents and return home, but Black told the Herald she was upset with the hotel staff's performance. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-284034-703953
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: I want one of them, blue on one side, and green on the other!
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joyce Re: Wandering Arrow Dear Webby, I hope you can help me.I thought i seen it once on here & forgot to save it. What a ninnie i was there. OK when i am just reading or browesing pages my arrow just takes off. How can i stop it from doing that, but i need step by step instrustion, or i can't do it cause i am a ninnie & my daughter don't like helping. Love your letter every morning Thank You Joyce Dear Joyce The ninnie is your daughter for not helping. The mouse arrow taking off is usually not due to a program setting, but to too much shiny wax on your desk. Use a mouse pad, or some paper, that is not glossy, as a mouse pad. If that does not help, replace the mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
An English professor wrote the words, "A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing." The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Deeli's Kudos January 9, 2008 - Des Moines, Iowa - Des Moines Register Thanks to Dave for this submission After finding alcohol in her son's car, Jane Hambleton decided to sell the car and share her 19-year-old's misdeed with everyone by placing an ad in the local newspaper. The ad reads: "OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom, who needs to get a life, found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet." The 48-year-old from Fort Dodge says she has fielded more than 70 telephone calls from emergency room technicians, nurses, school counselors and even a Georgia man who wanted to congratulate her. The car has been sold, but Hambleton says she will continue the ad for another week — just for the feedback. http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080109/ap_ ... odd_car_ad

Sam had proposed to young Anni, and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. "Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked Sam the suitor. "Yes, sir," replied Sam, "I'm sure that I am." "Think long and carefully now," said Anni's father. "There are twelve of us...including uncle Izzy"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bank Those Savings for Next Christmas When I save money by using coupons or buying something on sale, I put the saved money into a savings account. By the end of the year I have enough money in the account to pay for Christmas presents without having to go into debt. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year." His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: 2007 Darwin Awards
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 221 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1131 )
Dear Webby: Occasional printing 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Thursday, January 10, 2008
Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it. --- David Starr Jordan
Thanks to Sandie for this story: At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!"
On the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Billy-Bob decided to forego a big party and treat Linda-Sue to a memorable evening at home. Quietly filling the bathtub with champagne, he called her into the bathroom and they spent a sensual evening soaking in the tub by candlelight. When they were finished, Billy-Bob decided he couldn't let all that expensive champagne go to waste, so he carefully poured it back into the empty bottles. However, when he was finished, he found he had nearly a half-bottle too much.

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Susan for this story: A Texas cowboy walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The elderly woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and as she and her also widowed elderly sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help the gentleman. The cowpoke said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism. The old bronco-buster agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it." The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister. When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3,000 a month plus living expenses. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an Sniveling Ninnies January 9, 2008 - Washington - UPI The U.S. Supreme Court heard argument Wednesday on whether a law requiring a photo ID for voting is an unconstitutional burden on the poor. Democrats are challenging an Indiana law requiring a photo ID, such as a driver's license or passport, to vote. Indiana voters showing up at the polls without a photo ID are only allowed to cast provisional ballots and then must show officials a photo ID later in order for the ballot to be counted. Democrats argue that the photo ID requirement is a thinly disguised effort to discourage voting among the poor, the elderly and minorities, those least likely to have the IDs, Republicans argue that photo IDs are essential to cut down on voter fraud by illegal aliens and others. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-285565-715827 ------------------------- Why don't they just tell them that they can't cash in winning lottery tickets without picture ID. The problem will be solved overnight.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Careful what you teach them!
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Armond Re: Occasional priting Dear Webby, I only use my printer for one week every quarter year, but then print quite a lot. After sitting for three months, even fresh name brand cartridges are dead. Is there a way to keep them from dying in the meantime? Would it help to take them out and put them into the freezer? Armond Dear Armond The freezer will destroy them for sure. Wrapping them tightly with Saran wrap, or similar stretch film wrap, may help occasionally, with some brands, but is not really a reliable solution. Especially if you 'print quite a lot', get a laser printer. Laser printers are cheaper per page, and since the toner that they use instead of ink, is a dry powder, it does not make any difference how long it sits between print jobs. A Laser takes 5 - 10 seconds to warm up after cold hibernation, but it does not care if the hibernation was during lunch hour or a few years. Once warmed up, it will print quite a bit faster than an inkjet printer. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATES!!!"

Deeli's Kudos January 8, 2008 - Albuquerque, New Mexico - UPI Six members of two families who disappeared on a snowmobiling trip have been found safe in Colorado near the New Mexico state line. The Groen and Martin families of Farmington, N.M., broke into a cabin in Colorado's San Luis Valley Friday to survive and stayed put. "We just stayed in the cabin. It was safe. We were aware there would be people looking out for us. We didn't want to split up and take unnecessary risks," said Jason Groen, one of those rescued. Authorities said the families did the right thing to survive. "We were confident we would find them. It was just impossible to get to them Saturday or Sunday because it was snowing so hard," said Conejos County Sheriff Robert Gurule. The family members managed to call authorities soon after search crews left to look for them once avalanche threats in northern New Mexico and southern Colorado had passed. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-284529-635428

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong. She must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The vicar spoke to Jane in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Old Toothbrushes Save old toothbrushes to use in your cleaning kit and tool box. Hard bristled toothbrushes work well for cleaning stubborn grout or hard to reach places. Soft bristled toothbrushes are effective on jewelry. They are useful for a variety of cleaning jobs. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your nurse, even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy businessman learned this the hard way after ordering his nurses around as if they were his employees. But the head nurse stood up to him. One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry," the nurse stated," but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back!" She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" "Yes," said the doctor. "But never with a carnation."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Sound Effects
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 242 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1345 )
Dear Webby, when is it time to switch from Ink to Laser 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Self pity is our worst enemy, and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world. --- Helen Keller The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. --- Robert Frost
Thanks to Cookie for this story: A Minnesota Department of Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road." The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field." The Highways employee said, "Listen mister, I have the authority of the State of Minnesota to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land." So the old farmer went over, sat down and picked up his newpaper. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Department of Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the Highways employee at every step. The old farmer called out, "Show him your card, smartass!"
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Ruth took her car to her mechanic. She told him 'Every time I Take any of my friends out in my car, After a while there is this terrible smell !! . It never happens when I am driving alone'?? This intrigued the mechanic, so he said, 'OK, lets go for a spin And see what the problem is.' Off they went. She drove down a one-way street in the wrong direction At 70 MPH, swerving, Hitting the curb on both sides of the street, Narrowly missed three pedestrians in Pedestrian crossings, Ran several red lights, And just missed a Policeman on street traffic duty. Then, they returned to the shop, and she said, 'There it is now... there's that terrible smell! Can you smell it?' 'Smell it? Lady, I'm sittin' in it !

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Mother cat with several kittens are walking in the park when a handsome Tom cat walks by and says, "Hi, Honey." Mother cat says, "Don't you 'Honey' me! You said we were only fighting!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an Unhappy barber client in San Diego January 8, 2008 - San Diego, California - UPI San Diego police said a customer who didn't like the way a barber cut his hair stabbed the barber to show his displeasure. Police Sgt. Rich Nemetz said the unhappy customer, described only as a man in his 20s, waited until the 60-year-old barber was closing his shop at 6 p.m. Wednesday and then stabbed him twice in the face, The San Diego Union-Tribune reported. A witness followed the suspect to a nearby church parking lot and held him until police arrived, the newspaper said. The victim, whose identity was not reported, was hospitalized. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-282854-301869
Captain America, Jr
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elsie Re: Ink or Laser printer Dear Webby, You mentioned a number of pages per month one time, that would be time to switch from ink to laser printers. But I forgot what that number was. And it probably has changed in the meantime. What is that number nowadays? Elsie Dear Elsie That magical number used to be one case (5000 sheets) per month. That number is still OK, if you switch to same function printers, for example 4-function to 4-function. However, if your old inkjet is still OK for fax and scanning, then you can buy a cheap single function network laser printer, and the magical number drops to a quarter case of paper per month. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, a father asked the boy how much his last date had cost. The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15 or so I think." "Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening." "To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have spent more, but that was all the money she had."

Deeli's Kudos January 8, 2008 - Male, Maldives - UPI Maldives President Maumoon Abdul Gayoom escaped a stabbing attack Tuesday, thanks to a Boy Scout who reportedly pinned down the attacker. A 20-year-old man wielding a knife jumped out and tried to stab Gayoom in the stomach on an atoll. Mohamed Jaisham, a 15-year-old Boy Scout, wrestled the attacker to the ground, the report said quoting officials. "The president escaped this serious attack without any harm. However, the Boy Scout was injured in the incident," in an official statement. The extent Jaisham's injuries was not available. The motive for the attack is under investigation. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-284947-761827

"Vocabulary Building" 404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. Used as in: "Don't bother asking him ... he's 404 man." ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. ALPHA GEEK: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. ASSMOSIS - The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss. BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible. DILBERTED - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week." IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their idea generators running in reverse.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Firewood Tips: Bring Wood In As You Need It While it's nice to have a lot of wood on hand in the house, you inevitably bring in insects even if you clean off the wood. So don't bring more than a days worth of wood into your home at a time. A wood pile in your house is basically a guest room for little critters. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. He was served a piece of meat, and as he picked it up with his fork, he held it up and smirked: "Is this pig?" Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: "To which end of the fork are you referring?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Whyte Museum on-line Exhibition
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 165 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1465 )
Dear Webby: Not sent mail returned 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier. --- Colin Powell If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. --- Alfred North Whitehead
A Jewish lady goes into a furniture store owned by a Jewish man. She picks out a lamp she likes and brings it to the counter. She finds out the price is $69.95 and says, "Oy, down the street at Goldstein's these are only $49.95!" The owner asks why she doesn't buy it from Goldstein's, and she says because they just ran out of them. The owner then says, "Ha! When I'm out of them, they're only $29.95!"
Thanks to Martin for returning this classic: A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter, 'I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?' St. Peter said, 'That's a question only God can answer.' So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, 'God, please - I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?' God simply replied 'You are what you are.' The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, 'Well, did God straighten out your query for you?' The zebra looked puzzled. 'No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.'' St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, 'Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes.' The zebra asked St. Peter, 'How do you know that for certain?' 'Because,' said St. Peter, 'If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, 'You is what you is.'' (.. Caution... If you laugh at this, Al Sharpton & Jesse will be on yo' ahss)

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Dolly for this: My face in the mirror Isn't wrinkled or drawn. My house isn't dirty. The cobwebs are gone. My garden looks lovely, And so does my lawn. I think I might never..... Put my glasses back on. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Arens More money than brains January 4, 2008 - New York - AFP A lone trader out to win a little fame made the purchase that took oil prices to the historic 100 dollars a barrel level this week. The trader has been named by US and British media as Richard Arens who runs a one man oil brokerage, ABS. The magic figure was hit apparently on the back of a single trade, rumoured to be a local intent on fame. Arens offered 100,000 dollars on the New York market on Wednesday for 1,000 barrels of oil, producing the much talked of 100 dollars per barrel which sparked anguish across the financial markets. He later sold on the contract for slightly below 100 dollars, taking a 600 dollar loss. "It was just for the form; he wanted to be the first in the world to buy oil at 100 dollars," said Antoine Heff, an analyst at NewEdge. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/080104/o ... ce_offbeat
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Scarlet Ibis
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Debbie Re: Not sent mail returned Dear Webby, Here I am again...:o) I just got an email that said "Your message has encountered delivery problems to the following recipient(s): claudio.oliveira@twaron.com.br Delivery failed User not known" I know I can trust you. I don't know who this person is. I didn't email anyone with that address. Attached are two files AT00026.dat and AT00029.dat could these be some kind of a virus or spy ware? Thank you so much for saving my day so many times! Debbie Dear Debbie Delete the attached files and then delete that email. That Brasilian address is just a spoof, to make you curious enough to click on those attachments. That email was sent from an infected machine that has your address in an Outlook Express address book, probably the machine of a friend or relative of yours. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery. He strolled into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said the proprietor. "Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to twenty dollars." "It's a deal," said the proprietor, and pocketed the twenty on the spot. "For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the connoisseur. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it." "Nothing doing," said the proprietor firmly. "That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week I've sold 34 stray cats."

Deeli's Kudos January 6, 2008 - UK to NZ - Ananova A 102-year-old Southampton man is set to emigrate to New Zealand. Eric King-Turner has become the oldest Brit to emigrate when he set sail on Saturday, January 5. He will make the six-week voyage from Southampton with Kiwi wife Doris, 87, to start a new life 12,000 miles away. Retired dentist Eric, who will turn 103 weeks after they arrive, said: "Being in the Guinness Book of Records is not important." "What's important is that when I'm 105 I don't want to be thinking, 'I wish I'd moved to the other side of the world when I was 102'." The pair, both widowed, wed 13 years ago. Eric said: "It's not so crowded and the weather's better. It's a wonderful adventure." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2666526.html?menu=

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your father a big hug."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Credit Card Rewards Don't be fooled by a credit card company's claims that credit cards can help you save money. Finance charges quickly erase any benefits that credit cards offer in cash back incentives unless you pay your credit card off at the end of each month. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The teenager was developing rapidly, so her mother thought it about time that she understood the facts of life. "Ann," she began, "I think it would be nice if we had a little chat about how life is formed. As you know, a baby grows in a lady's tummy and..." "It might be interesting to hear you tell it, Mom," interrupted the daughter, "but what I really need to know is how to fake an orgasm."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Edible flowers
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 171 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1500 )
Deaar Webby, which browser should I design for? 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Monday, January 7, 2008
A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. --- Wilson Mizner
Thanks to Connie for this report: In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says: "So how is your strange business going?" "What do you mean strange?" "Because you sell only trumpets and guns!" "So?" "Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?" "It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" A grandmotherly patron at the next table overheard and spoke up, "Girl, what you are asking for is a television set!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
The aged patient doddered into the doctor's office with a serious complaint. "Doc, you've got to do something to lower my sex drive." "Come on now GopherBait," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head." "That's what I mean, you've got to lower it a little." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bored Meddlers January 3, 2008 - Couer D'Alene, Idaho - AP Several older residents of a town in Idaho are protesting plans to open a funeral home across the street from a senior centre, saying it would be a little too close for comfort. About 100 people have signed a petition calling on the City Council to deny the Aspen Funeral Home the right to lease a building across the street from the Lake City Senior Center as a funeral home. The city's planning commission approved a special use permit in December for the business, but a neighbour appealed the decision, citing concerns over traffic and parking. Sixty-five-year-old Marg Dunkle, who signed the petition, says the idea of a funeral home across the street gives her an uncomfortable feeling. But 81-year-old Doy Seng has a practical view of the proposed funeral home saying that since "we're all ready to go," a funeral home nearby "will be handy." http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0801 ... me_protest
Thanks to Ross for this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elaine Re: Which browser to design for Dear Webby, there are so many browsers out there now that it is hard to decide for which one to design a site for. Each one seems to have a few things different, and it is too timeconsuming to study all of them. Elaine Dear Elaine If you design your pages so that they look OK on MSIE6, then they will work fine for most of your visitors. The FireFox fanatics know that some stuff doesn't work right, but they consider that a fair price to pay for religious fredom and the right to use a non-Microsoft browser. The same goes for Mac users. They know that the Safari browser has a few teeth missing and can't cope with Java as well as other browsers, but that is a battle scar that they learned to live with. As long as you don't use the newest and weirdest gimmicks, all browsers can display your stuff, if it is designed for MSIE6. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. The man comes out and finding the politicians, buries them. The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?" The man answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."

Deeli's Kudos January 4, 2008 - Moscow - AFP Eleven Russian fishermen, feared dead for three months, were rescued after surviving on rations in an abandoned military base in Russia's Far East. The 11 men were rescued by soldiers after five of them ventured from the base this week on Kamchatka peninsula, 8,000 kilometres east of Moscow, where they had been sheltering since October. The group found shelter at the base after being hit by bad weather during an October fishing trip off Kamchatka in October. They lived for weeks on flour and other food reserves, trapped in the frigid, volcanic area because of adverse weather. Their ordeal is not over, however. The group may face charges for having fished in a military zone were civilians are not allowed. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/080104/o ... ng_offbeat

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lillies. "Tch Tch!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Winter Clothes Now is a great time of year to get good deal on winter clothing as stores make space for spring apparel. You can also find deep discounts on ski and snowboarding equipment in the next couple months. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Edible flowers
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 180 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1481 )
Dear Webby, what is the cost of a small business site? 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Sunday, January 6, 2008
There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't. --- Robert Benchley There is no kind of dishonesty into which otherwise good people more easily and frequently fall than that of defrauding the government. --- Benjamin Franklin
Thanks to Angela for this story: Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with some other kids for awhile when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, dear." Tony just said, "Oh, okay," and went back outside to play again. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse, it's called bunk beds! and Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you."
A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?" Shouting back, the woman replies, "For crying out loud, Ed, I've been telling you for the last two hours... I'll be ready in a minute!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him. To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball, directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age, I hit the ball right over that pine." With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back and hit him right in the groin. The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only 3 feet tall." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Craig Bigos of Taunton, Massachusetts Deadly texting December 28, 2007 - Taunton, Massachusetts - UPI A Massachusetts man told police he was typing a text message on his cell phone when he lost control of his car, killing a teenage boy, a prosecutor said Friday. Craig Bigos of Taunton appeared in court in Bristol County. He was freed on $1,000 bail after being charged with motor vehicle homicide and leaving the scene of an accident. Prosecutor Aaron Strojny said Bigos also said he did not realize he had hit Earman Machado, 13, until hours after he struck the boy's bicycle. Bigos told police he believed he had hit a mailbox. The boy, who was spending Wednesday night at a friend's house in Taunton, was hit early Thursday morning. The friend tried to call police after Earman was hit but was unable to reach them on his cell phone. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-280336-860632
Thanks to Mim for this picture: Would you consider this photo for your news letter? Story behind it: During 2007, I crocheted this shawl as a Christmas gift for my 10 year grand daughter, Bailee Rae. After I finished it, my "cajun" pea brain had a vision! How pretty she would look in a "prairie girl" dress with that shawl around her shoulders! So.........pattern came out, material was found, sewing machine oiled, and VOILA! Now she had yet another hand made gift to open! All I wanted was a picture of her in this outfit to be blown up to hang on my wall. And her Mom, Kimberly, sure caught it just as I asked...left profile!
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: George Re: My own web site You advertise web space from $2.50 up. I can get web space for free from my ISP, but their support is somewhere in Asia and anything but helpful. They just deal with complaints and don't volunteer any useful information. For design they charge a ridiculous amount that obviously is just intended to totally discourage that avenue. I would imagine that the design costs extra even with your set-up. What would be a reasonable guess for a small business site? George Dear George That depends entirely on how much information you can provide. Actual design is cheap, because we are good and fast with it. However, interrogation to drag the information out of you, about what you might want on your site, that is $150 / hour. If you gather the information together and put it into an email, attach the pictures you want on the site and describe what you want to accomplish, then the design will be $50. We will set it up with re-usable blocks like headers, side-menu, footers, etc. and easy to update content blocks. For a consistent corporate look and feel you can clone any page and just use a different content block, and we show you how to do that. With our system, the only difficult part is the getting around to getting started. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
AUDI : Accelerates Under Downward Influence BMW : Big Money Works CHEVROLET : Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time DODGE : Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere FIAT : Fix It All the Time FORD : Fix Or Repair Daily GMC : Garage Man's Companion HONDA : Had One, Never Did Again HYUNDAI : Hope You Understand Nothing is Drivable and Inexpensive SAAB : Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown TOYOTA : Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto VOLVO : Very Odd-Looking Vehicular Object

Deeli's Kudos Talk about a snail's pace. A postcard featuring a colour drawing of Santa Claus and a young girl took almost a century to reach its destination. The card, mailed in 1914, just arrived in northwest Kansas. The Christmas card was dated Dec. 23, 1914, and mailed to Ethel Martin of Oberlin, Kansas, apparently from her cousins in Alma, Nebraska. Oberlin postmaster Steve Schultz says it's a mystery where the card spent most of the last century. He says: "It's surprising that it never got thrown away." Ethel Martin is deceased, but Schultz says the post office wanted a relative to have the card. That's how it ended up with Bernice Martin, Ethel's sister-in-law. She says the 93-year-old card was apparently found somewhere in Illinois. "That's all we know," she said. "But it is kind of curious. We'd like to know how it got down there." The card was placed inside another envelope with modern postage for the trip to Oberlin, since the one-cent postage of the early 20th century wouldn't have covered it. "We don't know much about it," said Martin. "But wherever they kept it, it was in perfect shape." http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0712 ... _lost_card

A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing their waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Year End Budget Analysis Even if you didn't save all your receipts from last year, you still can analyze your expenses and use that information to help save money next year. For example, did you buy a latte every day before work? The average latte costs about three dollars. That works out to $15 per week for a grand total of $780 a year. Switching to drip coffee could save you $390. Even if you can't live without your lattes, maybe there is something else you can forgo next year? Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R." The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R." Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?" Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?" Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Harbin Snow and Ice World 2007 This is a "warm-up" for the pictures of the 2008 event, which is going on right now. Pictures of that should be up in a couple of weeks.
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 135 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1577 )
Dear Webby: Pre-existing condition 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Saturday, January 5, 2008
The secret of being a bore is to tell everything. --- Voltaire, 1737
One morning a California highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels. The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation. The supervisor radios back and says, "Don't worry, we'll send some shovels... just lean on each other until the shovels arrive."
A man went on a ski trip and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover his injury. "Why is the injury not covered?" he asked. "You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot and we consider that a pre-existing condition."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Shella for this: A butcher fresh out of trade school in Canada gets a job skinning and cutting up the kills of local hunters. His first assignment is a moose. He cuts the moose up and puts the parts into carefully-marked bags: chops, steak, ribs, sirloin, etc, etc. When he finishes, he still has a pile of unidentifiable parts. He shrugs and puts them all into one large bag, which he marks "Moosellaneous." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Way Jr., 28, from Blair County, PA Insurance Ride December 28, 2007 - Harrisburg, Pennsylvania - AP A man pushed his Ford Mustang down a mountain as part of a scheme to claim it was stolen, authorities said. Richard Way Jr., 28, pushed the car down an embankment along Wopsy Mountain in Blair County last year, then reported it had been stolen from the parking lot of a hot dog restaurant, the Pennsylvania attorney general's office said. Way, of Claysburg, was arraigned last week on charges of filing false police reports, theft and insurance fraud. A cousin, Travis Knox, told police he saw Way remove stereo equipment from the Mustang and was asked to help push the car off a cliff, according to the arrest affidavit. Knox said he refused to help, and told investigators that Way confessed the crime to him a few days later. http://www.kirotv.com/irresistible/14939163/detail.html
Thanks to Joan for this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Missing Humor Letter Dear Webby, Was there a humor letter for today Friday January 4 ? *1@shaw.ca Dear Frank yes, sure. I have not missed any since spring 1994. When the sniveling ninnies censor your subscription, you can always read it on-line at http://webby.com/humor Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "He's A basketball coach?"

Deeli's Kudos December 14, 2007 - Hudson, New Hampshire Kathy Desrosiers is determined to make her late husband's dreams come true. Dick Desrosiers was 58 years old when he passed away from brain cancer last March. He was a lifelong Pittsburgh Steelers fan. His illness stopped him from ever seeing a game in person. Dick told his wife he had two final wishes. "One was to have the Pittsburgh Steelers logo on his gravestone, which I did," said Kathy Desrosiers. "The other was to go to a Pittsburgh Steelers game." Kathy Desrosiers will bring her husband's urn to this Sunday's Steelers game. The oncology department at Exeter Hospital, where Dick Desrosiers was cared for, took a donation and contacted the Steelers. They are helping send Kathy Desrosiers and her son to the game. http://www.wmur.com/news/14860227/detail.html

I was working at the grocery-store checkout counter, and a woman and her son came through the line. The son unloaded the cart. Two eggs in a carton had been cracked, and half a loaf of bread had been mysteriously crushed. His mother chided him, remarking that she would have to make French toast with the injured items. He looked properly repentant until his mother walked off. Then he whispered to me, "A friend told me to try the broken egg/squashed bread routine. That's how he gets his mom to make French toast for him!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Christmas Lights It is hard to get Christmas lights back in the original packaging. A quicker method is to reuse wrapping paper tubes. Attach the lights to one of the paper tubes and then wrap it around. Tape both ends and store in a large box with padding. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school in the morning. "Nobody in school likes me," he complained. "The teachers don't like me, the kids don't like me, the superintendent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me, the school board wants me to drop out, and the custodians have it in for me. I don't want to go to school." "But you have to go to school," countered his mother. "You are healthy, you have a lot to learn, you have something to offer others, you are a leader. And besides, you are forty-five years old and you are the principal."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Best 2007 Lists on anything
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 194 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1475 )
Dear Webby, my computer clock is not updating! 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Friday, January 4, 2008 Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
The search for truth is more precious than its possession. –- Albert Einstein The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. --- Paula Poundstone
On their way home, after celebrating their 25th anniversary, the wife thanks her husband for a wonderful evening. "Oh, it's not over yet." He said. Once home, he gives her a little black velvet box. She opens it in anticipation, inside are two small tablets. She asked, "But what are these two little pills?" "Aspirin." The man replied. "But, I don't have a headache." She said. He replied, "There you go, I told you the evening wasn't over yet!"
George and Harriet were married twenty-five years. They decided to celebrate with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt, became very friendly. George brushed her off rather rudely. Harriet objected, "George, she was nice, that young woman, and you were so rude." "Harriet, she's a prostitute." "I don't believe you. That sweet young thing? "Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it." In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for Bambi to come to room 1217. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, okay?" She did. Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. "So, I see you're interested after all," she said. George asked, "How much do you charge?" "$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services." George was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25." Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price." "Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye." After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. "I just can't believe it." George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner." At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get for $25?"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
As you know, there is a possibility of another outbreak of swine flu during the next few months of flu season. In order that you may be on the alert for indications that you or members of you family may have contracted the Swine Flu Virus, you should be aware of the symptoms associated with this disease. 1) Sore throat. 2) Slight headache. 3) Moderate to high temperature. 4) Nausea or upset stomach. 5) A strong urge to have sex in the mud. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Cabral, 22 from New Bedford, Massachusetts December 29, 2007 - New Bedford, Massachusetts - AP A burglary suspect who gave a false home address to police after his arrest didn't count on one thing - getting robbed himself. Police say 22-year-old Daniel Cabral was arrested Wednesday and charged with burglarizing a University of Massachusetts- Dartmouth building. He was arraigned and released until his next court date. Hours later, he was robbed at gunpoint while walking home from a bar. He reported the robbery to police, this time giving them his real address instead of the phony address he reported earlier in the day, according to authorities. Police arrested two suspects and a man accused of being an accomplice after the fact. They also obtained a search warrant for Cabral's real address and found computer equipment that had been taken from the UMass building as well as power tools that had been reported missing from a local theater. http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/ ... source=rss
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marion Re: Clock not updating Dear Webby, the clock on my computer is getting more and more out of whack. I got it set to update automatically, but it doesn't seem to. Help! Marion Dear Marion Most likely your fire wall does not allow ET to phone home and get the correct time. If you want to get the time from time-b.timefreq.bldrdoc.gov then make this number range a "Trusted IP" in your fire wall. 132.163.4.101 - 132.163.4.103 There are other time servers too. Just get their IP numbers and make them "Trusted" Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Mrs. Morris Siegel beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman's, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannikin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy , so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?" "That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snotty salesman. "Oy! For $99.95 I could get the same dress at S. Klein's downtown!" "But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool." "Nu! So for $800 I should be caring what the lambs do at night?"

Deeli's Kudos December 19, 2007 - United States - CBS News Ever heard of Secret Santa? This month, an anonymous businessman from Kansas City is criss-crossing the country with $75,000 in cash. He won't be sliding down any chimneys, but he's stopping in at bus stations, thrift shops, and Laundromats, seeking out friendly strangers who seem down on their luck. All he asks in return for his generous cash gift is that his beneficiaries do a good deed for someone else. This Good Samaritan may seem saintly, but he's merely stepping into the boots of an old friend: the original Secret Santa, Larry Stewart. Stewart, who died of cancer last year, spent 25 Christmases traveling the country, doling out over $1 million to people in need. When Stewart was on his deathbed, his friend promised him that the Secret Santa tradition would live on long after he was gone. "Secret Santa lives in each and every one of us," Santa told CBS News. "It's just a matter of letting him out." http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/7 ... _Strangers

Thanks to Connie for this story: A guy is stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years. One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years!", he says. She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asked, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow! That's fantastic!" Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?" And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a computer in there?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Goals and Budgeting The beginning of the year is a good time to set goals and set up a budget. Plan your strategy for saving money throughout the year. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis. A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!" The Priest replied, "Sister Mary Elizabeth, I know you to be on a diet, and yet I saw you ogling the buffet."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: RockOnIce
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 167 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 1543 )
Dear Webby: Java Puzzles 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Thursday, January 3, 2008
If you cannot convince them, confuse them. --- Harry S Truman
Thanks to Sandie for this story: The company I work for offers tours through the historic district of Annapolis, Md., led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, Dave, one of our guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at Dave in his 18th-century garb, he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?"
Upon retiring from the service, Don needed a new ID card, showing he had gone from active duty to retirement status. But the photo taken of him was not particularly good. And he wasn't at all quiet about it. "If I have to carry that ID around with me for the rest of my life," he complained to the photographer, "I want a better picture." "Want a better picture?" asked the photographer defiantly. "Then bring us a better face!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Bonnie and about 50 others who sent me this story: In a news conference Deanna Favre announced she will be the starting QB for the Packers this coming Sunday. Deanna asserts that she is qualified to be starting QB because she has spent the past 16 years married to Brett while he played QB for the Packers. During this period of time she became familiar with the definition of a corner blitz, and is now completely comfortable with other terminology of the Packers offense. A survey of Packers fans shows that 50% of those polled supported the move. Does this sounds idiotic and unbelievable to you? Well, Hillary Clinton makes the same claims as to why she is qualified to be President and 50% of democrats polled agreed. She has never run a City, County, or State. When told Hillary Clinton has experience because she has 8 years in the white house, Dick Morris stated "so has the pastry chef". Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Glasser and Joey Acosta, both 22, of Chaparral, texas If they had brains, they could be dangerous! January 1, 2008 - Chaparral, Texas - AP Getting a tattoo can be a painful proposition, but usually it's just the needle you have to worry about. Two men trying to trace a loaded .357-caliber Magnum as a pattern for a tattoo accidentally shot themselves. Robert Glasser and Joey Acosta, both 22, were treated at a hospital in El Paso, Texas, after the shooting Thursday evening in nearby Chaparral. Authorities said Glasser was struck in the hand when the gun accidentally went off, and Acosta was hit in the left arm. Their injuries were not life-threatening, authorities said. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/01/ ... 2445.shtml
Thanks to Janice for this picture: I took thhis picture from my patio Jan. 1, 2008 at 9;04 am. It looks like a giant candle, lit for all the world to see. It lasted for only a few minutes and was gone, never to be see again. Janice
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cay Re: Puzzles? Dear Webby, Am I missing something??? What puzzle is the questioner referring to in the Tech section??? Cay from FL P.S. You must have sent us some of your weather today...it was 28 this morning in Green Cove Springs where I live! Send some more, please. Dear Cay I think she was referring to the Puzzle card in the daily POD letter from http://Angelwinks.net or some other site that sends out daily puzzles. I also do the tech support for about 50,000 postcard sites and their visitors. Sometimes, when a reply seems of interest to you, I also show it over here. Right now we have +8C, that would be about 40 in the quaint British Imperial Loyalist measurement units you use. But we also have a Chinook going on, a warm storm that will cross the prairies in 3-4 days, arrive in the East as "The Alberta Clipper", and dump onto Ontario and Illinois. Then it will possibly hang a right there and bring you more cool weather in about a week or so. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
One psychiatrist has discovered a great way to get his patients to talk freely: He puts a cell phone in their hands.

Deeli's Kudos December 24, 2007 - Deckerville, Michigan - AP A man gave his 74-year-old grandmother an early Christmas present this year when he donated more than half of his liver to her. Patricia Middleton, a retired school bus driver, had been battling a chronic liver disease for a quarter-century. In August, she was told she would need a transplant. Several family members stepped forward as possible donors, and at least four of them were good matches. Grandson Chad McMaster, 29, was the best prospect of all. ''It was a perfect match. It was unbelievable,'' she said. ''I said, 'Chad, are you sure you want to do this?''' McMaster, who co-owns a trucking company with his father, agreed to the donation. On Dec. 3, both underwent surgery at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit. ''She got one heck of a Christmas present, didn't she?'' he said, punctuating the question with a laugh. His grandmother agreed, choking back tears when she said: ''I cry a lot. How often do you see this? A grandson and a grandmother? How often?'' http://www.happynews.com/news/12242007/ ... randma.htm

"REDNECK GUIDE TO MEDICAL TERMS " BENIGN--------------------What you be after you be eight ARTERY--------------------The study of paintings BACTERIA------------------Back door to the cafeteria BARIUM----------------------What doctors do when patients die CESAREAN SECTION--A neighborhood in Rome CAT-SCAN-------------------- Searching for kitty CAUTERIZE------------------Made eye contact with her COLIC--------------------------A sheep dog COMA---------------------------Punctuation mark D&C------------------------------Where Washington is DILATE---------------------------To live long ENEMA---------------------------Not a friend FESTER---------------------------Quicker than someone else FIBULA-----------------------------A small lie GENITAL---------------------------Non-Jewish person G.I. SERIES----------------------World Series of military baseball HANGNAIL-------------------------What you hang your coat on IMPOTENT--------------------------Distinguished or well-known LABOR PAIN-----------------------Getting hurt at work MEDICAL STAFF------------------Doctors' cane MORBID-------------------------------A higher offer than I bid NITRATES-----------------------------Cheaper than day rates NODE------------------------------------I knew it OUTPATIENT--------------------------A person who has fainted PAP SMEAR---------------------------A fatherhood test PELVIS------------------------------------Second cousin to Elvis POST OPERATIVE-------------------A letter carrier RECOVERY ROOM-------------------Place to do upholstery RECTUM-----------------------------------Damn near killed him SECRETION------------------------------Hiding something SEIZURE-----------------------------------Roman emperor TABLET-------------------------------------A small table TERMINAL ILLNESS-------------------Getting sick at the airport TUMOR---------------------------------------More than one URINE-----------------------------------------Opposite of you're out VARICOSE-----------------------------------Near or close by

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Holiday Decorations Whenever I store something I always mark the contents on the outside of the box with a large permanent markers. For Christmas decorations I also tape a piece of wrapping paper to each box so I can clearly see which boxes contain Christmas items the following year. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two little girls were sitting in the lunchroom of an elementary school in Beverly Hills. "Guess what," one said. "Mommy's getting married again, so I'll have a new daddy." "Really," said the other girl. "Who's she marrying?" "Winston James, the famous director." "Oh, you'll like him," the other girl exclaimed. "He was my daddy last spring. Just don't let your dog chew his slippers!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cold Weather Comfort Food
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 224 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 330 )
Dear Webby: Problem with Java Applets 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Life takes on meaning when you become motivated, set goals and charge after them in an unstoppable manner. --- Les Brown "Sometimes people ask me: 'Dave, what is the essence of parenthood?' I always answer: 'Lowering your standards.'" --- Dave Barry
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerk blurted to the customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway!"
Astrological "Afterwards" Comments Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!" Taurus: "I'm hungry -- do you want some pizza?" Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?" Cancer: "When are we getting married?" Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?" Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets." Libra: "I liked it if you liked it." Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you." Sagittarius: "Don't call me -- I'll call you." Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?" Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!" Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A married couple in New York's "Little Italy" went to their Priest to discuss birth control, since they already had five children. The husband inquired if perhaps oral sex would be an acceptable substitute in the eyes of the Church. The Priest explained that it was still considered a sin; totally banned according to their faith. The wife spoke up fuming, "Look Father, you no play-a da game, you no make-a da rules." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Not sure who the bigger bonehead is here ... Wal-Mart for re-sale of the item or the dad for not just accepting the replacement and dropping the subject so his daughter isn't more traumatized ... December 28, 2007 - Cookeville, Tennessee - AP A man in Cookeville, Tennessee, is thinking about suing Wal-Mart because the MP3 video player he gave to his little girl for Christmas turned out to be loaded with explicit tunes and porn videos. Daryl Hill says the 10-year-old child burst into tears when she saw it. He says he just wishes he could get those "thoughts and images" out of her head. Hill figures the player must have been returned by somebody who had loaded it with sex clips and songs about drugs. Wal-Mart says it's investigating because returned items that have been opened are not supposed to be resold. In the meantime it's offering Hill a replacement. But he says he's going to hang on to it until he talks to a lawyer. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0712 ... mp3_player

Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: PJ Re: Problem with Java Applets i got a different computer, and now when i try to open the puzzle, by clicking on it, it wont open up. I did install Java, hoping that would help, but it still wont work. Hopin you can help me, as i sure miss working your puzzles. tks, pj Dear PJ You probably have the Active-X setting messed up. Some browsers treat old fashioned Java applets, that have worked fine for a dozen years, as if they were newfangled and maybe dangerous ActiveX. Just allow Active X, and the applets will work fine. Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad on the Internet. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian outback. They end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. "What happened?" she asks. "I've never been with a woman," he says, "but if it's anything like with a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get."

Deeli's Kudos December 28, 2007 - Brownsville, Texas - AP Patience is not only kind but also pays :-) For nearly seven years Melina Salazar did her best to put on a smile and tend to the every need of her most loyal and cantankerous customer. She made sure his food was as hot as he wanted, even if it meant he burned his mouth. And she smiled through his demands and curses. The 89-year-old Walter "Buck" Swords obviously appreciated it, leaving the waitress $50,000 and a 2000 Buick when he died. "I still can't believe it," the Luby's cafeteria employee told Harlingen television station KGBT-TV in an interview during which she described Swords as "kind of mean." Swords, a World War II veteran, died in July. But Salazar learned just a few days before Christmas that he had left her the money and car. http://www.ibtimes.com/articles/2007122 ... itress.htm

At the Checkout counter of the discount department store where I was a cashier, customers frequently asked me under what circumstances items were returnable. One woman who came through my line must have been aware of store policy. She pointed to the lacy red-and-black negligee she was about to purchase. "May I bring this back if it doesn't work?" she asked.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Apply for Financial Aid Early Apply for financial aid as early as possible. The amount of aid you get is based on your need level, fund availability, and the date your application process is completed. File your financial aid application as soon as you file your taxes. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Marion for this story: I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Frozen Waves
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 137 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 1478 )
From Dear Webby, Happy New Year! 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Happy New Year, ! Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Congratulations! You have proved, again, beyond ANY doubt whatsoever, that you are in the most alive and active family of subscribers! I am mighty proud of you! Let's make 2008 even better! DearWebby
German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber network. Irish scientists were outraged. They dug 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that the ancient Irish 55,000 years ago obviously must have used cellphones.
Brian and Pete were talking about premarital sex and Brian says to Pete "I never slept with my wife before marriage. Did you?" Pete replies: "I don't know, what was her maiden name?"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
One day a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you good?", they ask. It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ernesto Ponce, 19, currently in Roseburg, Oregon ROSEBURG, Ore. - A man had bad luck in his choice of stolen vehicles. The Douglas County Sheriff's Office said Ernesto Ponce took a pickup from a Chevrolet lot in Roseburg on Friday, but had to switch vehicles when a tire blew. Ponce, 19, then allegedly took a Subaru Legacy from a driveway on Lookingglass Road. He had that car for about 15 minutes before the engine overheated, causing it to catch fire at an intersection in Winston. Jeff Herbert, of Cottage Grove, spotted the blaze and pulled over to help. As Herbert rushed over with a fire extinguisher, the suspect stole his Dodge pickup. "He jumped in when I had my back to him," Herbert said of Friday's theft. But the suspect didn't get very far. Spike strips placed by investigating officers punctured two tires, and the pickup slid into a ditch. Ponce was lodged at the Douglas County Jail on charges of unauthorized use of a vehicle, first-degree criminal mischief and reckless driving.

Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Karl Re: PUSH Mail Thanks, Webby. I love it when I not only get an answer, but I understand it! I like the push mail. I use it at work. It saves me a lot of radio time. I have a specific account just for that. When I first started driving a cab 29 years ago, I never dreamed that I would be using portable email for dispatching. Karl in Denco Dear Karl Yes, I can imagine that for you it will be handy. Why don't you post an article about how you use it onto your http://thetaxinews.com/ site? Have FUN! DearWebby

Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan." - George Burns

Deeli's Kudos Kudos to the relatives and mom who turned the boys in ... December 28, 2007 - South Brunswick, New Jersey - AP Police in New Jersey said it was a typical holiday Grinch tale: A home was broken into on Christmas Eve, and wrapped presents were stolen off a kitchen table. Authorities in South Brunswick say a nine-year-old girl and a five-year-old boy used a gift card to pick the lock on the back door of a home a block away. They then made off with about $200 in wrapped presents. The couple who lived in the home returned from some Christmas Eve shopping to find the house broken into, and the presents gone. One of the children's relatives who also lived in the neighborhood spoke with the couple and realized the gifts matched some mysterious extra presents the children appeared to receive on Christmas. The relative contacted the children's mother, who got the truth out of them on Wednesday, and then contacted police. No charges are planned. "A nine-and five-year-old would never be on our suspect list," said South Brunswick police Detective Jim Ryan said. "For a burglary? Maybe for taking a bike or something like that, but not for a burglary." http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0712 ... e_grinches

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm . . . that's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remembering the New Year on Checks Take a moment to date every check in your checkbook with the new year. By the time those checks are gone, you'll be remembering the proper year automatically. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Al for this: The other night, my wife and I were going out. She sat there and put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick, then turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Photos at just the right angle
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 177 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1340 )

<<First <Back | 114 | 115 | 116 | 117 | 118 | 119 | 120 | 121 | 122 | 123 | Next> Last>>