How to install Spybot-Search&Destroy 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, February 1, 2010

In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known. --- Thomas Pickering The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards. --- Arthur Koestler
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
As an elderly lady was boarding the plane, she said to the flight attendant, "Do these things crash very often?" The attendant replied, "No -- just once!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jason Miles, 22 of Crestview, Florida "Man You Don't Know How Much Weed I Smoke" CRESTVIEW -- A man pulled over for failing to maintain a single lane and for speeding was arrested after telling police he had $2,000 worth of "weed" in his trunk. The 25-year-old Crestview man was stopped Jan. 22 after a Crestview Police Department officer noticed him speeding on James Lee Blvd. The driver, Jason Miles, appeared nervous and there was a strong odor of marijuana coming from inside the truck, the officer noted. When the officer asked him if there was anything illegal in the truck, Miles said, "I got $2,000 worth of weed in the truck!" During a search, police found 110 grams of marijuana, two digital scales and a package of peach-flavored cigars. He was charged with possession of marijuana with intent to distribute and possession of paraphernalia. After being read his rights, Miles told police he only sold the marijuana on weekends because he was a full-time student during the week. He also said he sold some and kept some. "Man, you don't know how much weed I smoke," he told the officer. He has a March 2 court date.
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hubcap Re: How do I install Spybot Dear Webby I would like to download Spybot search and destroy on my Vista home premium computer from you web site but don't know quite how to do it. Any help appreciated. Hubcap Dear Hubcap Just click on the Spybot-Search&Destroy button in the left side menu. Scroll down to where it says DOWNLOAD and click on the blue cube. That gets you to the Mirrors. Depending on your connection speed, pick the one closest to you. It will ask you where on your computer you want it. Most people are fanatic Easter Egg Hunters and tell it to put it ANYWHERE, and then go hunt for it later. I tell it to put it into E:\TOOLS\Spybot After it has downloaded, tell it to RUN. It will again ask you where you want the program to be set up. Again, tell it to do it in a place like E:\TOOLS\Spybot or let it go to the Windows default place at C:\Program Files\Miscellaneous\Stuff and Such\Programs\More Stuff\ In your case it probably makes little difference, since it produces a desktop icon anyway. When it finishes the installation, run it. It will show you what it found, and you can un-check stuff that you might want to keep, for example the cookies from your bank. Then hit the "Fix It" button, and it does. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
You are 100% Texan if you have ever had this conversation : "You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Set Up A Pet Care Savings Account I see a lot of requests for advice about sick pets from people unwilling or unable to go to the vet due to the expense. Here is what has worked for me. I have added pet care into my weekly budget. I started a savings account and each payday the amount I have determined I can afford goes directly into that account. I do not use it for anything except vet costs. It adds up quickly and I always have enough for at least a checkup in that account. Pets who receive regular checkups have less emergencies in the long run, as trouble can be detected before it is too late. We owe them nothing less. By Kelly from Portland, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly a woman in front turned around, slapped him and left in a huff. The little girl remarked, "That's okay, Daddy, I didn't like her either, she was stepping all over my toes. That's why I pinched her."
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Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor.. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him and knocking their teeth out on the counter."

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Humor: Spybot 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, January 31, 2010

Spare no expense to save money on this one. --- Samuel Goldwyn Bureaucrats write memoranda both because they appear to be busy when they are writing and because the memos, once written, immediately become proof that they were busy. --- Charles Peters History is more or less bunk. --- Henry Ford
A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ". "No,no, I mean are you lost ?" "No, I've been here thirty years." "I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?" "When is it ?" "It could be today or tomorrow ". "Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me know . My wife will probably want to go both days !"
A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic up to that point anyway. They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the problem. Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: under a Live Oak in Ft Myers, FL
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Douglas J. Koufman in Palm Beach MIAMI -- Authorities say a Miami man cleaned out his elderly mother's savings, worth over $800,000. Douglas J. Koufman is charged with exploitation of an elderly person or disabled adult for more than $100,000. The 57-year-old surrendered Tuesday at the Palm Beach County Jail and posted bail Wednesday. According to an affidavit by the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office, Koufman misappropriated at least $873,000 from his mother's trust fund. His mother, Charlotte Koufman, is now 88 and suffers from dementia. Records show the woman's trust contained over $2 million in July 2004. Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for their annual intelligence test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," he replies. The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Johnny Re: Spybot Dear Webby Wish I knew about the Spyware two weeks ago. Had to shut my computer down until son could fix it. Johnny Dear Johnny It pays to look at the side menu in the Humor Letter every now and then. I have donated free space there for Spybot-Search&Destroy for 10 years now. Everything you see there is an "Essential" that we put on every Webby computer, before we let a user touch it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Lucy went to college. However, she really worried her folks because all she ever wrote home about was boys and good times. Her mother decided to have a serious talk with Lucy when she came home for a weekend. The mother started out by saying, "Now, dear, if you are only going to college to find a husband, it certainly will be expensive shopping." "Yes, I know, Mom," said Lucy, "but what a supermarket."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Important Items In Dishwasher in an Emergency If you ever need to leave in a hurry because of a flood approaching, a good place to store important items (computer tower, pictures, etc.) is in your dishwasher. It has a watertight seal that will protect your items. You could also put items in your front loading clothes washer. It will not work with a top loader clothes washer. By Fred from Michigan Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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» Baby Birds
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Short URLs 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, January 30, 2010

Life is not merely to be alive, but to be well. --- Marcus Valerius Martial An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. --- Alfred A. Knopf
An inter-church gathering was well attended when someone suddenly cried "FIRE!" The Methodists gathered in a corner to pray. The Baptists hollered "Everyone in the water !" The Lutherans nailed a paper to the door declaring fire was evil. The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out in an orderly manner. The Unitarians concluded the fire had as much right to be there as anyone. The Christian Scientists agreed there really wasn't a fire. The 7th Day Adventists said it was "the vengeance of an angry God." The Presbyterians formed a committee to study the problem. The Catholics passed the plate to cover the damages. The janitor grabbed a fire extinguisher and put the fire out.
Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by. They saw this old fellow sort of duck waddling down the street at a slow pace. The two students introduced themselves to the gentleman and told him that they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the old mans problem. One says, "my friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids, and I think you have a hernia." The old man said, "Well, I thought it was a going to be fart, but it looks like all three of us were wrong with our guessing."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jessica Kathleen Alexander, 18, and Tammy Nicole Ortega, 29, from Telford, Tennessee 2 cheap Tennessee hookers jailed Two Telford, TN women have been arrested and charged with filing a false rape report. Washington County, TN investigators arrested Tammy Nicole Ortega, age 29, 255 Browning Road, Telford and Jessica Kathleen Alexander, age 18, 255 Browning Road, Telford. Both were charged with Filing a False Police Report. Both women claimed they went outside their residence to check on barking dogs and two men threw them down and started raping them. Both women later recanted, telling Sheriff’s investigators that the rapes did not happen. Ortega and Alexander stated they met a man on a telephone chat line, then offered to meet him and have sex in exchange for a pack of cigarettes. Police say the women met the male subject and did indeed trade sex for a pack of cigarettes. After the sex, the man left, and the women decided to file a police report claiming they were raped. Alexander later stated they filed the false police report because they didn’t enjoy the sex. Ortega was charged with an additional count of Filing a False Police Report from an incident in November of 2008, in which she reported a Vandalism/Arson to the front porch of her rented residence. Ortega stated she gave false information to Sheriff’s Deputies regarding the incident. The investigation is ongoing and more arrests are pending. Tammy Nicole Ortega is being held in the Washington County Detention Center on a $10,000.00 bond and is scheduled for arraignment in Jonesborough Session Court on January 29, 2010 at 9:00am. Jessica Kathleen Alexander is being held in the Washington County Detention Center on a $5,000.00 bond and is scheduled for arraignment in Jonesborough Session Court on January 29, 2010 at 9:00am
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Annabel Re: Short URLs Dear Webby Sometimes you use some very short URLs for links. How do you get those? I realize that some yahoos are griping and sniveling about them, and call them "cloaking" and deceiving, but I sure prefer the shorter ones. Annabel Dear Annabel Depending on the browser and version of subscription a subscriber has, a long URL can really mess up the formatting. Whenever a URL is longer than an average line, I shorten it. You can go to http://snipurl.com, or similar sites, and paste the long URL. They shorten it down for you.It is a free service. Have FUN! DearWebby
A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead dinosaur with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked: "Did you kill that?". The pigmy said "Yes." The hunter asked "How could a little guy like you kill a huge beast like that?" Said the pigmy: "With my club." The astonished hunter asked: "How big is your club?" The pigmy replied: "There's about 60 of us."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse the Plastic Bags You Already Have Instead of buying re-usable bags for your purchases, save and re-use the plastic bags that you already have at home. I bought the re-usable ones, and found that I did not have enough of them. I buy a lot of groceries at a time, and just simply did not have enough bags. Buying as many as I needed was a cost factor; plus, I always wound up not having them in the car, which totally defeated the purpose in the first place. Then I thought of just keeping the plastic bags that I already had, in the car. Takes up far less space, didn't cost me anything, and I have lots more of them. By Carole from Locust Fork, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a attractive young woman asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk." That's fine," replied the woman. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old woman standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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An IRS man asks a farmer, "How much is your prize bull worth?" The farmer says, "For tax purposes, or has he been hit by a train?"

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Can I check Gmail from any computer? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, January 29, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. --- Will Rogers Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down. --- Hector Berlioz The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready. --- Henry David Thoreau
Thanks to Roland for this confession: I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me.... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod. ...and how was your day?
It's comforting to know that real estate agents are required to be more candid about the properties they represent these days. A Newport Beach, California Internet listing of a duplex revealed that the other inhabitant possessed two cats and "a Scottish terrorist." Taken from Steve Harvey's column in the LA Times. ------------------------------------ Well you got to watch those Scots. There is aparently no sound on earth more terrifying than a bunch of Scots coming home from the bar and deciding to practise their bagpipes indoors.
George had minor surgery after a bad accident and gets on the bus one afternoon. He looks quite bedraggled and more like he had been in a bar fight than being hit by a cab, and is still a bit groggy from the anesthetic staggers up the aisle, and sits down next to an elderly woman. She looks George up and down and screeches at him: "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" George jumps up out of his seat and shouts: "Hold it, driver. I'm on the wrong bus! I don't wanna go where SHE goes!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sleepy burglars STUART, Fla. -- Four Miami-area men were arrested Tuesday after they broke into a Stuart business and stole nearly $10,000 worth of equipment, including 22 chainsaws, according to the Martin County Sheriff's Office. Martin County sheriff's deputies arrested Armando Garcia and Abel Lahera, both of Miami; Emilio Moreira, of Hialeah; and Jorge Amador, of Cutler Bay. Deputies were called to a burglary at Stuart Lawn & Garden, 3326 SE Dixie Highway, at about 3:30 a.m. Surveillance video from the store showed a white van with one wheel that was a different color than the others. The video also showed two men entering the store and removing items. "It was mainly items that they knew they were after because they didn't spend any time looking around," said Justin Suggs, vice president of Stuart Lawn & Garden. Deputies said they later found the van abandoned at Harbor Bay Plaza in Sewalls Point. The suspects were found sleeping in a nearby Jaguar and taken into custody. According to the arrest affidavit, one of the suspects told investigators that they burglarized the store, parked the van in a parking lot and left in the Jaguar. It stated that they planned to wait a few hours and then blend in with the morning traffic. Stuart Lawn & Garden had a sign outside the store Tuesday that read, "The Last 4 Idiots Who Broke In Here And Stole From Us Are At The Martin County Correctional Facility Getting Acquainted With BUBBA." All four suspects are charged with burglary and grand theft. They were each being held on $10,000 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: G! Re: Can I use Gmail from any computer? Dear Webby I have often considered changing mail providers but I've had yahoo since 1996 (and grown very fond of my address ... Can I access Gmail from any computer? G! Dear G! Yahoo may give you the same warm feeling as a full diaper, and in much the same way, it doesn't really earn you a lot of respect. Yes, you sure can use Gmail from any computer, UNIX, Linux, Windows, or Mac, anywhere in the solar system where you can go onto the net and open a browser. A lobby computer in a hotel or hospital or old-folks home, or the one at the Contractor's desk at the Home Depot is just fine. You don't have to dump Yahoo, in order to use Gmail. You can still be "That thilly yahoo", whenever you crave that warm and wet feeling, but at least you will have reliable mail for the important stuff on the side. Have FUN! DearWebby
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin ploughing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "The twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars may now return to class."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Once a Week Cooking There are no "leftovers" at our house! We prefer to call them pre-planned meals. We buy meats on sale and I usually spend a Sunday evening cooking. I often make meat loaves, barbecued spare ribs and baked chicken. These are all proportioned to what my husband and I will eat at one meal and then sealed in our food saver bags. Off to the freezer they go for whatever meal we want. For a working gal it sure saves time preparing dinner. Just snip the corner of the food saver bag and pop into the microwave. Open a can or two of veggies or make a fresh salad and you have a quick and delicious meal - real quick! By MissMakeDo Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about a word his lover said. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before his wife finishes talking.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?" "Well, I outweighed him by fifty pounds."

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Restore Media Player 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, January 28, 2010


Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions. --- Albert Einstein
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to church. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the pastor went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the pastor asked, "Why after all these years don't we see you at services anymore?" The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, reverend," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
Thanks to Len for this picture: The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Whitney Alison Holte, 21, of Knoxville, Tennessee Not a sugared donut When officers pulled a 21-year-old Knoxville woman over on Airport Highway in Alcoa early Thursday, she allegedly told officers it was a powdered donut she was eating when they came to the window. But a field test on the substance indicated the white powder she put in her mouth was not from a sugary pastry, but, rather, was cocaine, according to an Alcoa police report. Whitney Alison Holte was arrested and charged with possession of a Schedule II substance with intent to sell or deliver and three attachments for contempt; she was also cited with driving on a suspended driver's license, driving without proof of insurance, failure to maintain her lane of traffic and possession of drug paraphernalia. She was being held at the Blount County Jail in lieu of bonds totaling $12,250 pending 1:30 p.m. Jan. 25 and 9 a.m. Jan. 28 hearings in Blount County General Sessions Court.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ed Re: MediaPlayer Dear Webby Somehow my media player got trashed. How do I restore it from the XP Set-up CD? Ed Dear Ed Don't. On the CD you have the 2000 or 2001 version, which is probably not safe to use these days. Just go to Media Player 11 and download it straight from Microsoft. That way you got the newest version. Have FUN! DearWebby
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better,....."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Over The Door Organizers For Crafts Keep your craft room organized with this over-the-door hanger made for shoes. It's perfect for keeping sharp things up high away from small hands. It also separates items nicely, and this one is clear so I can easily see where my items are located. It also saves a lot of space and is a less expensive version than a piece of furniture. By Ci Ci from Yakima, WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A customer at Morris' Gourmet Deli marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Morris, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Morris replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only $4 apiece," says Morris. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough, " says Morris. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Morris," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. ...You're ripping me off!" "You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor. "'Putt' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means a klutzy but unsuccessful attempt to do the same thing."

» Magma
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More than one USB hard drive 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, January 27, 2010


The problem with communication is the illusion that is has occurred. --- George Bernard Shaw Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it. --- Cullen Hightower
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother, Mrs. Goldberg, he has fallen in love and is going to get married. He says to his mother, "Just for fun, Momma, tomorrow I'm going to bring three women to your house to meet you, and you can try and guess which one I'm going to marry." Of course, Mrs. Goldberg agrees. The next day he brings three beautiful women into his mother's house and sits them all down on her couch. They chat for a while with Mrs. Goldberg, who serves them coffee and pastries. That evening, after the three women have left Mrs. Goldberg's home, the son says, "Okay, Momma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The redhead." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her."
You don't stop laughing because you grow old, but your age gets mentioned when you stop laughing.
Thanks to dad for this picture: This arm of an old cactus had to be broken off because it had grown into the way of the door. To make it more eager to root, dad laid it onto a shelf to let it dry out. Then it bloomed! He just stuck it onto an empty glass to prop it up for the picture. You can see where it will shoot out roots the moment it is put into dirt. The amazing part is that it ceated "one last blossom", even though it had been broken off, and was not getting any more water or nutrients.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher L. Schaumburger, 20, Palm Bay, Florida Burglary or adventure?y PALM HARBOR — By pedal boat and bicycle, a fleeing burglar clad only in boxer shorts couldn't get away quite fast enough, authorities say. Pinellas County sheriff's deputies arrested Christopher L. Schaumburger on Monday morning 200 yards offshore in Lake Tarpon after witnesses said he burglarized two homes on the 3000 block of Marian Drive. "We've had suspects try to jump in the water before, but never before have I seen a pedal boat used as a means of escape," said sheriff's spokesman Thomas Nestor, who has more than 23 years in law enforcement. The Sheriff's Office says Schaumburger, 20, first broke into the home of Mary Vogelsberg, who heard breaking glass around 9 a.m. and found a pair of sunglasses on her windowsill. She did not see anyone suspicious around. But not long after, someone did. Vogelsberg's neighbor, Nicholas Hammond, awoke to use the bathroom and found Schaumburger, a transient, ransacking his home, the arrest report said. Deputies said that when Hammond confronted Schaumburger, the man fled and jumped on a bicycle he had hidden a block away. Hammond gave chase on foot and eventually caught up with the fleeing suspect. But Schaumburger was armed — with a pocket knife. Hammond backed off and called authorities. Deputies said Schaumburger fled down a street with a dead end at Lake Tarpon. With nowhere to go, authorities said he hijacked a docked pedal boat and tried to escape across the lake. A Sheriff's Office helicopter was called in. According to the arrest report, the helicopter crew reported that "there was a lone male pedaling the boat dressed only in boxer shorts, and the boat appeared to be taking on water." Deputies enlisted the help of resident Robert Putnam, whose pontoon boat was docked at the lake, to intercept Schaumburger. Schaumburger was charged with armed burglary, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and attempted burglary of an occupied dwelling. He is being held in the Pinellas County Jail in lieu of $65,000 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ilsa Re: More than one remote hard drive Dear Webby, I was told that you can't use more than one remote USB hard drive without really slowing down the computer and risking loosing all the data. Is that true? Ilsa Dear Ilsa Not true at all. Since you are not usually writing to two drives at the same time, it makes no difference. Just don't try to download different movies to different drives at the same time. There is no problem with the writing, but your Internet connection will really get bogged down. Have FUN! DearWebby
A lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." "Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite because the electricity was cut off this morning."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Your Snow Shovel With Silicon Snow was sticking to my snow shovel until I coated the blade with silicon. The silicon spray I used was for my knitting machine but I've seen cheaper silicon spray at the hardware store. Now the snow doesn't stick. I like not having to lift the same snow more than once. By Holly from Holly, MI WD40 works as well, and so does ordinary spray-on cooking oil. For absolute highest performance lasting the longest, use a Molybdenum Mold Release spray. It produces a dry, waxy feeling surface, that does not attract dust when the shovel hangs in the shed. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Daughter: Mom, Can I have some money for a new dress? Mother: Go ask your father, dear. You are getting married in a month and you need the practise.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States and got shot for it."

» USA State Lotteries
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printing labels 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, January 26, 2010


I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. --- Thomas Jefferson
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep.She loved auctions; his hobby was golf. One night, the golfer yelled, "Fore!". His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter!"
Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his 5 kids together to ask which one should have the present. "Who is the most obedient?" he asked. The children all stared back at him in silence. Then he asked, "Who never talks back to mother?" Again the kids appeared to be mystified by the question. Then Tom asked, "Who does everything she says?" With that question, the kids were finally able to come to a conclusion. The five small voices answered in unison, "Okay, dad, you get the toy."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Field, London, England Robbers tried to use a cab for a getaway Two thieves that failed to plan ahead sufficiently were foiled when their getaway driver proved uncooperative during a raid on the Holyhead branch of Argos. David Field and an accomplice attempted to make their escape with two stolen TVs by the same cab that ferried them to then store. Having run inside and picked up two widescreen sets, they jumped into the back seat with another two accessories and told cabbie Darren Renton to “drive”. Unfortunately for the robbers, their unwilling partner in the crime told them: “Are you having a laugh?” “They really started to panic then, and started offering to make it worth my while, to pay me off,” said Mr Renton. “But I just told them to get out of the car.” Three of the thieves escaped when store staff got the two TVs out of the boot of the taxi, but Field was caught. Yesterday, Field pleaded guilty in court to the theft of a television worth £279 and was given a 12-month conditional discharge order, to run concurrently with a six-month order given for an earlier offence.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rosalie Re: printing labels Good Morning Webby: You start my mornings off with a good laugh each day. I need to know how to print labels for envelopes. It's getting difficult to write them all out for holidays, etc. What program is the easiest to learn? Thanks for your reply. Rosalie Dear Rosalie Open Office is free and has a very complete word processor included. It has step by step instructions included for everything from selecting the brand and type of label that you use, to merging address lists, even huge databases. Word Perfect, now part of Corel Office, is pretty smooth and slick too. Word Perfect got the envelope and label printing licked in the days when you still had to lick the labels, and an entire generation of office workers used nothing but Word Perfect for tasks like that. You can get OEM versions of Corel Office from OEM suppliers or on eBay fro $5 - $15. Have FUN! DearWebby
An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is "gross" and the other is "cool." From the back of the room a voice called out, "So, what are these gross and cool words?
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Prepare for Tax Time Here are a few things I do to prepare for tax time. 1. Start only when feeling sharp, refreshed, and clear headed. If there are errors, it will only delay that return you need so badly. 2. Have a space where you can leave your papers and documents out for a day or two, and do not have to be gathered up for the evening meal. 3. Use the free tax services online instead of the expensive tax prep places. Even this old non-tax-savvy granny can do it. 4. Read the instructions on the site carefully. Mistakes can be made. Read your answers over carefully and double check your figures, even if you are sure you made no errors. You may be surprised to find that info you type often (name,soc. sec. # etc.) can have a typo because of haste. 5. If you get too frazzled, stop and take a break. A walk, cup of coffee, time with the family etc can give your brain a fresh jump-start. 6. Have a quiet environment to do your taxes in. Pets running, or kids playing loudly are not helpful to detailed work. 7. Have all your papers together before you even start. Searching for important stuff can break your concentration and cause some confusion. (Where was I now?) By Phyllis from Wisconsin Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

On a balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship spied smoke coming from one of three huts on an island they thought was deserted. Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more than three years!" The captain of the ship replied, "But we saw THREE huts." The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another." "What about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain. "That's where I USED to go to church."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a bloody nose and a black eye. "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked. "No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."

» Waterfalls
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Print list of files 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, January 25, 2010


It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. --- James Thurber The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work. --- Harry Golden
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A group of 40 years old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts and they can smoke without getting hassled. 10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also. 10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free. 10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator. 10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea since they have never been there before..
Thanks to Andy for this story: A census taker in a rural area of Mississippi went up to a farmhouse and knocked.. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages. She said, 'Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're thirty-two. And the twins, Mickey & Beth, they're twenty-six. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're twenty-four.' 'Hold on!' said the census taker, 'Did you get twins EVERY time?' The woman answered, 'Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nothin.'

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Ray Ekes, 30 in haines City, Florida Car thief playing Grand Theft Auto game when caught ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) - Sheriff's deputies in central Florida found a suspected car thief playing the "Grand Theft Auto" video game, and they later charged him with just that. Polk County deputies investigating the theft of a 1998 Dodge Durango arrested 30-year-old Michael Ray Ekes on Thursday. They found the SUV outside a Haines City home. Ekes was inside in the house, playing the popular video game. Ekes was charged with grand theft auto, burglary and drug possession. At the time of his arrest, he was out of jail on bond for another grand theft auto charge.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Edna Re: printable file list Dear Webby, I need to print the list of files in a directory, and want to do it without any fancy program. I am sure you have some little trick. By the way, I downloaded your "Open Command Line Here" patch for the file explorer from your tool box, and am not scared of the command line. Oh, I want the files sorted by date, but don't need the date or the file size, and I want the result in a file, that I can pick up with my spreadsheet. Edna Dear Edna That is quite easy from the command line. dir /O:D /b > files.txt the /O:D orders them by date, and the /b gives you a Bare format without dates and file size. The > directs the result to whatever file name you put after it. Have FUN! DearWebby
"May I try on that dress in the window?" the gorgeous woman asked the manager of the designer boutique. "Go ahead," the manager replied. "Maybe it'll attract some business."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycle a Spiral Christmas Tree as a Trellis At Christmas one year, I bought one of those lighted spiral decoration trees. After a few years, it just didn't work. I was looking for a trellis for some plants, and guess what I used? The spiral frame made the flowering vine that grew up it, look like a tree in my yard. Everyone would ask what kind of tree it was. BC from Bloomingdale, MI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

It's official: Rap music does cause crime. Research shows that in over half the shootings that occur on the street, the gunman is aiming at the boombox.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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The tourist was admiring the Native's necklace. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," he replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Actually", he replied, "here the alligator hunters get paid quite a bit more than the oyster cutters at the packing plant."

» beautiful America
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Can Spyware Doctor be trusted? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, January 24, 2010


---------------------------------- All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. --- Mark Twain Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for many years. --- Oscar Wilde
Here is a delightful Classic: Terror Threat The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose". Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Canada is planning to set up a scale of threat levels after the hockey season is over.It's too cold for terrorists anyway. New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue us". Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
When Kevin came home, his wife, Liz, was crying. "Your mother insulted me," Liz sobbed. "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" Kevin asked. "I know. But this morning a letter from her addressed to you and marked "Confidential" arrived. I opened it because I was curious." "And?" "At the end of the letter it said, 'PS. Dear Liz, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my Kevin.'"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Justin Brown, 24,in Austin, Texas Conman 'posed as swimwear model A US conman allegedly posed as a stunning female model on the Internet to trick male admirers into sending him gifts and money. Police in Texas said Justin Brown, 24, masqueraded as jeans and swimwear model Bree Condon, 23, for two years. He posted a fake online profile on seekingmillionaire.com, 'the meeting place for wealthy and beautiful singles', reports the LA Times. Brown allegedly identified himself as 'Bree - just looking for Mr Right', with accompanying photos of the brunette cover girl. Police say he enticed rich suitors by sending them fake nude pictures, setting up web chats and even had intimate telephone conversations with his contingent of male fans, using his "very feminine voice". The admirers were charmed into sending gifts to 'Bree', including an iPhone and a small dog. One affluent doctor even handed over nearly £10,000. The scam was only uncovered after authorities, prompted by an investigator hired by the real Bree Condon, tracked Brown down to a budget motel room in Austin, Texas. Private investigator John Carbona said he was stunned to find out that the fraudster was a man. "I'd been talking to this person for three months," Mr Carbona said. "I'm telling you this guy has either had his gonads removed or he is talking through a voice synthesizer." Austin police are also investigating whether Brown also created a fake website for Condon, as well as Facebook and MySpace profiles in her name.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Aaron Re: PC-Tools Spyware Doctor Dear Webby, How safe is PC-Tools Spyware Doctor ? Can it be trusted? Aaron Dear Aaron No, it can not be trusted. It reports fake infections to sleaze you into buying/renewing, just like the lowest class of ransom-ware. I have observed that myself on the machine of a friend. If you have a trial version of it, UN-install it with the Add/Remove Programs in the Control Panel and get more legitimate Anti-malware program Like McAfee. Have FUN! DearWebby
My forgetter's getting better . My rememberer is broke, It's seriously not a joke. It's driving me plumb rotten. (Author's name forgotten)
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Sandbox Sand in the Garden Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?" The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The whole rest of your life."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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This country is so full of opportunity. Where else can a woman hire another woman to do her housework so that she can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning woman leaves her child?

» Toothpick Art
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How to write bats? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, January 23, 2010


The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. --- Maureen Murphy
Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."
Two Cajun commercial fishermen, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux, went out in the Gulf fishing. They were gone a couple of months. On their return, they noticed a Taco Bell had been built while they were away. Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says "Sacri Bleu! Look it dat! You run over a fone pole an it takes 9 mons ta get Southern Bell ta put in a new pole an fix da fone. We go fish a bit, an dem Mexicans done come over here an build a whole telifone company!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Myesha Williams, 20, of Deland, Florida Robber complains about being shown on the news DELAND -- Two women suspected of robbing a beauty supply store showed up at the DeLand police station wanting to know why they were shown on news reports, a sheriff's spokesman said Tuesday night. "At 8 p.m. the two women in the video went to the DeLand police station saying they had seen themselves on the news and they wanted to know what is going on," sheriff's spokesman Brandon Haught said. A sheriff's deputy then escorted the women to the sheriff's District 2 Office and an investigator interviewed them, Haught said. It was determined that Myesha Williams, 20, was the one who robbed the store, Haught said. Williams was charged with strong arm robbery and retail theft, Haught said. The other woman, whose identity was not available late Tuesday night, was not charged because she had left the store when Williams confronted the store employee, he said. According to investigators, the women were in Isis Beauty Supply & Accessories on East New York Avenue on Friday at 5:31 p.m. when a worker saw the women look at hairpieces and suspected they might be shoplifting, Haught said. The worker confronted the two and one of the women walked toward the exit and left the store. But Williams headed to the cash register, said she had a gun and asked for money, Haught said. The suspects then left the store with an unknown amount of money and about $150 in beauty supplies, Haught said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Benny Re: How do you write bat files? Dear Webby, You mentioned turning that tedious command into a bat file. How do you do that? Benny Dear Benny Open a new plain text file with NoteMaid, Notepad or any plain text editor. Save it as, for example, bat1.bat and make sure that Notepad does not add .txt at the end of it. Let's assume that you want to take the Read-Only attributes off the files in C:\alpha\Eudora and it's sub-directories In the file write @echo off echo working.... attrib -R -S -H /S C:\Alpha\Eudora\*.* pause exit Save that, and make a shortcut icon to it. The "working..." tells you that it is working. The pause asks you to hit any key before it closes. In case there is a problem, like for example a typo in the name of the directory, where you want to take the Read-Only, System, and Hidden attributes off, that error will be shown above the "Hit any key to contonue" message. Once you have it working right, you can delete that line with the pause, but until you get comfortable with bats, it's a good idea to add it above the exit. That's all there is to it. There are lots of commands like the attrib. You can for example copyt all JPG files from one location to another, or move them, etc. Just look up DOS commands or ask me. Have FUN! DearWebby
Success is relative - the more success, the more relatives.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Sandbox Sand in the Garden When I was recently shopping at a well known kitchen ware shop, I found the grater I wanted with a slightly bent handle. At the checkout, I asked for the item to be discounted because of the handle, and it was the only one. 10% was taken off the whole price. I do this on a regular basis especially if the item is the last one or there is any visible damage. This is especially applicable if you are paying cash. Always be extremely polite, remember they are doing you a favor. You'll be surprised who will discount. My son who is in the military always asks for the military discount and he gets it. Don't be afraid to ask for the discount. By Morganna from Anderson, IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ever have one of those days? Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on? He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up quite a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on- this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Finally that task was accomplished and she asked him, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

» Toothpick Art
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Automatic 'Read Only' nuisance  



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, January 22, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. ---- Jane Wagner, (and Lily Tomlin) The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful --- Frederick Locker-Lampson Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. --- Socratex
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. Later the lawyers speak and the judge listens.
During an arctic training exercise in Alaska intense cold played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what else could go wrong when the tent flap opened and a soldier rushed in to announce, "Hey, captain, the northern lights are out!" Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, "Well, go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the @#$% lights!" ---- With northern lights the phrase "the lights are out" goes back a lot farther than electric lights, and actually means "the northern lights have come out from behind the clouds, they are visible".

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Peter, the terror-pisser in Hamburg, Germany Terror Pisser Online: http://www.thelocal.de/society/20100116-24617.html A couple in Hamburg have finally got to the bottom of why the plants in their front garden keep turning brown and dying – their neighbour has been urinating on them at night. A years-long feud between the two families could now be finished, after the weed-upon couple confronted their urinating neighbour – dubbed the "terror-pisser" – with video evidence of his night-time activities. The Hamburger Morgenpost newspaper reported that Dieter and Rosemarie Friebel, who live in the Farmsen area of the city, had problems with plants in their front garden for years. “A hibiscus suddenly looked like it had been burned by the sun,” said Mrs Friebel. She kept buying and planting new plants, but they too soon succumbed to what she started to suspect was poisoned soil. The Friebels said they had long had problems with the family next door, particularly with excessive noise. A year ago Mrs Friebel saw the man, named only as Peter M., hit another car while parking his, and was called as a witness in a court case. “Since then he has not spoken to us at all,” she told the paper. The problems with her plants continued to be a mystery until she found a CD in the post. “One day we found a CD in our post box. A neighbour must have given it to us,” said Mr Friebel. “When we played it, we could not believe our eyes.” The paper said there were 12 short films, taken between October 28 and December 5 – all showing Peter M. leaving his house at night and urinating over their front garden. They confronted him with the evidence and he has apologised. “It makes me feel sick when I think how often I ran my fingers over the leaves and wondered where the liquid came from,” said Mrs Freibel.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Billie Re: Automatic Read Only after file transfers Dear Webby, Whenever I transfer files from the laptop to the home machine, I can't edit them. After a lot of cussing, I found that is because they are read only. While I CAN fix that, it is a nuisance. Is there a way around that? She-Billie Dear Billie That is just an ancient Microsoft bug that goes back to Windows 95. There is no permanent bugfix for it. You can either right-click the folder and take the Read-Only checkmark off, and hit APPLY, or you can go to the DOS command line, cd to that folder and type attrib -R -H /S * Naturally, you can also put that into a bat and make an icon for it. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term in latin, so that I can tell my wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Sandbox Sand in the Garden In the fall when we put things away, it was always "What do we do with the sand from the sandbox?" Well, I assess what areas of my veggie and flower garden soil needs some soil treatment and divide out the sand box to the garden needing it most. Many veggies grow better in sandier soil. Some flowers need better drainage. By Joyce from Benson, MN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ron has been telling his wife for 37 years that diamonds look tacky on younger women. So far, it has worked.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any papers!"

» Old Car Center
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Can't install SpyBot 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, January 20, 2010


This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. --- Will Rogers
The nickname that you deserve! ========================= If your Humor Letter is greeting you properly with your first name, then you can skip this paragraph. But if the line above reads "Good Morning Friend!" or is calling you some nickname that you don't really like any more, then hit REPLY and tell me what it should be. Go ahead and give yourself the name or nickname that you would like to be called by! I may be only the first one in the world to do so, but I will faithfully call you by that name every morning. What's the big deal you wonder ? Read what My-Lil-Empress wrote: ===From My-Lil-Empress Dear Dear Webby I wish I could tell you how grateful I am to you for keeping my husband and coach alive even though he died in an accident four years ago today. While everybody else calls me nicknames like "half-pint" and "evil-runt" and worse, Roy always called me "My-Lil-Empress" and in his eyes I was a real person, not just a half size. The more everybody else put me down, the more Roy always did things to build up my self confidence and make me feel good about myself. Giving me a subscription to the Humor Letter under the name that he used for me, that was one of those things. Even though he is long dead, every morning when the Humor Letter greets me with "Dear My-Lil-Empress !", it's Roy boosting me up, and even though I am only 4' 6", I walk tall ! Thanks Roy, and Thanks Webby! My-Lil-Empress=== Dear My-Lil-Empress It's real people like you who are the reason that I don't mind if the sky turns pink in the east before my previous day's shift is over, as long as the Humor Letter goes out. DearWebby
The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Brandy will be setting the pace on our morning run.' With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Brandy was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Brandy will be driving the ambulance, that we might need for those who don't manage to stay ahead of me."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shane Thomas Williams-Allen, 19, of Orlando, Florida Burglar tases and handcuffs himself TAVARES — Lake County authorities say they have a serial car burglar in custody, one who shocked himself with a Taser and put himself in handcuffs. Shane Thomas Williams-Allen of Orlando was arrested this week on multiple burglary and grand-theft counts, and the Lake County Sheriff's Office said he may be linked to as many as nine car burglaries around Clermont and Minneola. And one of the burglaries involved an unmarked Ocoee Police car, the Sheriff's Office said. Stolen from that car were a Taser, an expandable baton, handcuffs, a Glock handgun magazine, a digital camera and a digital recorder. Williams-Allen, 19, discharged the stolen Taser and shocked himself when he first discovered it, the investigation found. Last week, he accidentally locked himself up with the handcuffs and had to call authorities to set him free, according to his arrest report. Many of the other stolen items were recovered following his arrest. Williams-Allen is held on charges that include grand theft, burglary to a conveyance and armed burglary to a conveyance. He may face additional counts, Lake officials said. He later told investigators that he probably entered four or five cars, including one from which he took cameras and an iPod with a docking station, according to the report. He said others were involved in "car hopping," which he described as going around and pulling on car door handles.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Denjan Re:Can't install Spybot Hi Webby, I have tried twice to install Spybot and the first time I got almost to the end and it stalled and I can't ove or delete it from my screen.I decided to reinstall it and it gets to a certin spot and stalls and tell me to retry,abort or ingore which it does not recomend..How do I get the icon on my screen off.I uninstalled Spybot and that did'nt come off and now will not move or respond.I am stuck. Denjan Dear Denjan if the problem is not lack of space, run a good Anti-Virus program like McAfee and try to get rid of whatever is blocking Spybot-Search&Destroy. Have FUN! DearWebby
A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always Be Polite and don't talk about private matters in public. At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose". And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom. When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?" "Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox. "Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Tax Season Every January I set up a new manila folder and mark it with the year. Then every time I have a receipt or statement I need to save, I just put it in the folder. Come tax season all the paperwork is in one place. By Rebecca from Lancaster, NY With a computer it is even easier. However, if you want to do it manually, get a harmonica folder. Brand new, with 13 indexed folder size poly pouches, and a closure flap with carry handle, they are $10-$15, or a dollar at yard sales. That way you can write the category names on the colorful tabs and toss receipts into the proper category. If you need a receipt, you don't have to search through everything, but just that one category. You can hang them high with their carry handle, out of reach of kids but convenient for you. If you have a book keeper or accountant, ask them for the category names required in your particular case. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Johnny's mother decided that he should get something 'practical' for his birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?" his mother suggested. Little Johnny thought that was a fine idea. "It's your account", his mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application." Little Johnny was doing fine until he came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, he put down 'Piggy'.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Jason was having a tough day and had stretched himself out on the couch to do a bit of what he thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. He moaned to his wife, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!" His wife, busily occupied with other things, hardly looked up at and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Jason. Can't be everybody. Some people don't know you."

» Old Car Center
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Audio Recorder 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, January 19, 2010


You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty. --- Cecil Baxter Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty. --- Leo Rosten
"My wooden leg was hurting me something fierce last night," complained Art. "That's impossible," said his neighbour, "How can a wooden leg hurt you?" Art replied, "My old lady hit me over the head with it a dozen times when I came home drunk."
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you would look trying to milk a bicycle!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: There is a butterfly hiding in there!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Jesse Johnson, 40, of Perry, Florida Driver with deputy behind him runs red light DESTIN -- A man sitting at a red light on Christmas Day turned left before the light changed, despite the fact that an Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office deputy was sitting behind him. The two were sitting at the light on U.S. Highway 98 and Matthew Blvd. The deputy initiated a traffic stop and found the driver, 40-year-old Charles Jesse Johnson of Perry, in the back seat. He had jumped in there when the vehicle came to a stop, according to his arrest report. The deputy checked the man's driving history and found out that his license had been revoked in June, and that he also had seven other suspensions and four other revocations. He was again charged with driving with a revoked license as a habitual traffic offender.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Arturas Re: Audio recorder Dear Webby; Any suggestions other than plain Googling for a free programme to record streaming music from the internet? I know you have addressed this in previous letters but I cannot find it in the four years of letters on my computer, didn't find where your archive is searchable for specific terms, did not see such a programme in your tools box. I tend too be leary of using any programme at random off the internet, which is why I am asking. Have fun, Arturas Dear Arturas I have used Audacity for years. It will record any sound, even from tele-seminars, conferences, Skype Voice Calls, Internet Radio, etc. You can even edit and delete boring portions of the recording. The archive searcher in the blog (archive) is near the bottom. The one near the top is for searching on the web. Have FUN! DearWebby
An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 9:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Baby Bottle Nipple for Transferring Liquids When you need to transfer something from a larger bottle to a smaller one, I use an old baby bottle nipple. I cut the hole bigger and in most cases, the larger bottle opening fits in just right. Works every time! By Sandra from Salem OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In the dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the resident assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, 'Those idiots actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!' It was then, that he realized, that "those idiots" had removed the drainpipe beneath the sink and turned the "U" shaped part of it to point just below his waistline.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A tourist parked his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?" "What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?" "Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. Guess I better find somebody more respectable and trustworthy."

» Water Drop
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Gross incompetence at Yahoo 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, January 18, 2010


The road to hell is paved with adverbs. --- Stephen King Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. --- Thomas Szasz
Monica N. wrote: "... I was wandering around the 'net recently, and GOSH! I found a whole bunch of PHILATELISTS. And then I discovered groups populated by THESPIANS and HOMO SAPIENS. And I found hundreds -- not dozens, but HUNDREDS -- of educational institutions funded by MY TAX DOLLARS... teaching people to MATRICULATE. We need to pass laws to control the Internet and protect our children!"
Dwayne, his wife, and Dwayne's mother-in-law went camping. Dwayne's wife announced that her mother had been gone on her stroll in the woods way too long. So the two of them went looking for her. After a while they spotted a gigantic, ferocious grizzly bear squared off with the mother-in-law! Immediately the daughter said to her husband, in a frantic voice, "Dwayne you gotta do something, or there's gonna be trouble fer sure!" Dwayne calmly said, "Nah, those grizzllies are a lot tougher than they look. He'll live."
A guy is driving along with his wife in their Cadillac, asked his wife: "Darling, if I lose all my money, will you still love me?" She answers: "of course I will, I will probably miss you too."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Bike Riding OK Bike Riding NOT OK Above confusion does NOT apply to Mopeds Above confusion DOES apply to bridge. Apparently they have some confused bridges on bicycles in Sweden!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mark Turner, 23, of Lower Bank Road, Fulwood, Preston, UK Man busted as he helped girlfriend out of trousers A man was nailed for drug possession after he went into the ladies loos to undo his girlfriend's trousers so she would not ruin her new nail varnish. Mark Turner, a jobless 23-year-old, of Lower Bank Road, Fulwood, Preston, pleaded guilty to illegal possession of cannabis. Blackpool magistrates decided the 18 hours he had spent in custody would serve in lieu of a £65 fine and ordered the drugs to be destroyed by someone other than him.. Philip Turner, prosecuting, said a police officer became suspicious when he saw Turner and a woman go into the ladies public toilets at Blackpool's Talbot Road bus station on Tuesday (January 12) at 4.15pm. The prosecutor added: "The officer followed them and knocked on the cubicle door. The defendant said he was helping his girlfriend." Turner was searched when he left the cubicle and two wraps of cannabis were found on him. Stephen Duffy, defending, said Turner and his girlfriend were waiting for a bus home when she had to go to the toilet. Mr Duffy added: "She had just had her nails done and was apparently unable to unfasten her trousers herself without damaging her new nail polish, so he accompanied her to assist her.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Randall Re: Incompetence at Yahoo Dear Webby; I have enjoyed receiving your newletter for a long time now and recently i wrote and told you i was having a problem with receiving it, well the problem has occured again.I sent some friends of mine a gift subscription and after that i havent gotten another issue of your fine newletters. I have contacted Yahoo and they said all of thier affairs are in order and for me to contact you and see if you could correct the problem for me.....I truly enjoy the articles and the tech help especially seeing how i am just now getting comfortable in this cyberworld of ours...... so please could you help out a big fan of yours out. thanks for any and all assistance. Randall Dear Randall The Taliban at Yahoo lied to you, again. Their affairs are NOT in order. You are not the only one whose subscriptions they fail to deliver. Judging by the feedback, Yahoo fails to deliver to more than half of their victims. The Humor Letter is sent out to you every night, however, once it has entered the Yahoo server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. Then it is strictly between them and you. The Humor letter jumps through all 20 Best Practises hoops: 1) Listed Sender ID, 2) Permanent IP address, 3) Proper SPF record, 4) Matching forward and reverse DNS, 5) Approved privacy policy, 6) Full contact information, 7) Strictly Double Opt-In, 8) Not on any blacklist, 9) Uses an IP address that has never been used for spamming, 10) Is family safe 11) Has live, same day response to replies, no auto-responders 12) Has an on-line copy that is top listed at Google AND Bing 13) Unsubscribe link at the bottom of every newsletter 14) More than 10 year history of compliance to Best Practises 15) Works fine with all competent mail services 16) Does not have any attachments 17) Does not burden email with embedded pictures or movies 18) Calls pictures from a properly identified server with matching forward and reverse DNS and SPF record 19) Does NOT send solo ads or ANY advertising mails to subscribers 20) Is listed with the Ezinefinder (http://ezinefinder.com) There is nothing more that I or anyone can do. You can try wasting more time arguing with the incompetent yahoos and tell them what they are full of, or you can get yourself a respectable address on the side. Gmail is free and reliable, and you can make basic filters. Have FUN! DearWebby
Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor got rather upset that his word was doubted and yelled: "You just wait until the autopsy, then you will see that I was right."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thrifty Fabric for Homemade Clothing I have made shorts and blouses from a large bed sheet, also curtains, pillow cases etc. It's often cheaper than fabric from fabric store. You can make skirts from neck ties. Take them apart, press with steam or wet cloth, sew together. Put a zipper and a band on it, make a button hole, sew button on band. I also make shorts out of pant legs. Cut legs off as high up as you can (the crotch), remove seams. Press with wet cloth or steam iron, you are ready to cut shorts out Good luck. By Kathleen from Dothan, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

On vacation one year Joe went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from the resort to participate in a cattle drive. After watching 120 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, Joe rode up to the ranch-owner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and yappy dog. It's the noise that'll get the cattle to move."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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On vacation one year Joe went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch allowed guests from the resort to participate in a cattle drive for a mere $25. After watching 120 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, Joe rode up to the ranch-owner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and yappy dog. They are not scared, but the noise bothers cattle, and that'll get them to move."

» Food Safety
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Avast's Auto-Corrupt problem 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, January 17, 2010


Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate. --- Mark B. Cohen Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. --- Oscar Wilde
Before his daring escape from prison, an infamous criminal had been photographed from four different angles. The FBI sent copies of the pictures to police chiefs all across the state, with orders to notify the FBI the moment an arrest was made. The next day, the Bureau received a faxed reply from the ambitious sheriff of a small town: "PICTURES RECEIVED. ALL FOUR SHOT DEAD WHILE RESISTING ARREST."
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his good suit, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that you always have a headache next morning after wearing that suit!"
Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver for this picture: Ponti enlarging photo viewer, made in Venice, a few hundred years ago. Photo Viewer
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Lebanese counterfeiter $500 Tip Leads Police to $66 Million In Fake Bills Malaysian police have arrested a Lebanese man allegedly carrying fake currency with a face value of $66 million after he tipped a hotel staff with a $500 note, an official said Friday. The largest U.S. note currently in wide circulation is a $100 bill. But police found bundles of $1 million, $100,000 and $500 notes in the man's hotel room in Kuala Lumpur on Sunday, said Izany Abdul Ghany, head of the city's commercial crime unit.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Avast's auto-corrupt problem Dear webby; Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. Here is what they suggest; "Reinstall avast! completely, please. It seems to be the easiest solution of the problem. Even if you did it before, do it again this way, using the uninstall utility, please: Uninstall the version of avast! that's currently installed on your computer using our uninstall utility, that can be downloaded from this page: http://www.avast.com/eng/avast-uninstall-utility.html Use it in safe mode of Windows - in this mode you don't need to disable the self-defense module. Here you can learn how to start Windows in safe mode: http://www.pchell.com/support/safemode.shtml After using that tool, restart your computer" Do you think I should just go to the uninstall link here & then maybe get a fee trail of McAfee & after that go back to installing Avast again would be ok? This is the 1st time in several years of having Avast I have encountered this. I am leary of trying to use safe mode for staring up. really can't affors to pay for a virus prigram just yet & I have had avast for a long time. I know you recommend McAfee. Sharon Dear Sharon McAfee VirusScan is only about $30 a year! 2 - 3 hours baby-sitting. Personally, the only way I like babies is barbecued, with lots of onions. Normally, I am the one who keeps the hands in the pocket, when somebody thrusts a baby at me, and the one who asks them what kind of sound they make when they are dropped. But to get McAfee, I would cheerfully pretend for 2 - 3 hours, that I can babysit, if properly motivated. I would UN-install Avast in Safe mode, reboot to normal mode, get McAfee. and book another baby-sitting session for next January. Have FUN! DearWebby
We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town. Early the next morning, our 3 1/2-year old ran into our bedroom to wake us up. I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to quit bothering us. About 20 minutes later, he came running back. "Mommy, Mommy," he exclaimed, "everybody here has doorbells.... ... and they all work."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dental Floss for Sturdy Buttons When my children were little, I used to secure buttons on their clothing with dental floss. There is no need to remove the button or existing thread. Just thread a needle with the floss and go through the shank or thread holes of the button once or even twice and tie it off. If it's a dark colored button, you can color the floss with a permanent marker to make it less noticeable. You can't break dental floss with your bare hands and the buttons will stay on until you want them off. This is especially helpful on coats/jackets and jean waistbands. No more lost buttons! Source: My Mom By Carol from TX Dental Floss works just fine for many types of sewing. When I lived in the bush in the Yukon, I used it for everything from sled dog harnesses to sewing leather knee and elbow patches on, tent repair, general mending, and of course buttons and zippers. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A paramedic was asked on a local TV talk-show program: "What was your most unusual and challenging 911 call?" "Recently we got a call from that big white church at 11th and Walnut," the paramedic said. "A frantic usher was very concerned that during the sermon an elderly man passed out in a pew and appeared to be dead. The usher could find no pulse and there was no noticeable breathing." "What was so unusual and demanding about this particular call?" the interviewer asked. "Well," the paramedic said, "we carried out four guys before we found the one who was dead."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Frantic Woman on phone: "Doctor, my Son just swallowed a nickel, and he's coughing up dimes. What do I do?!?" Doctor: "Keep feeding him Nickels!!!"

» Wooly Nonsense
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How to resize digital pictures 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, January 16, 2010


The gods too are fond of a joke. --- Aristotle If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld A motion to adjourn is always in order. --- Robert Heinlein
An elderly couple were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Greg noticed something funny about Keli's ear and he said, "Keli, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Keli answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Greg, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I know why my farts sound so loud."
My Grandmother is ninetyfive and still doesn't need glasses... She drinks straight out of the bottle.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Maloy, 24 in Viera, Florida Peanutter VIERA, Fla. — A 24-year-old man who has peanuts to blame for leading police to him pleaded guilty Monday to a robbery charge. Michael Maloy was sentenced to three years in prison and five years probation by Brevard Circuit Court Judge David Dugan. Maloy was captured on video Sept. 9, 2009, walking into the Walgreens store while snacking on seasoned peanuts. He approached a female clerk and told her to give him money from the cash register, officials said. Maloy, who was unarmed, tossed his head back and put a handful of nuts into his mouth, allowing the store's surveillance cameras to capture his face, officials said. He then ran out of the store, spilling some of the munchies on the floor before fleeing, officials said. Police later collected the peanuts for potential DNA evidence linking the incident to Maloy, and when Maloy was caught, he still had peanuts in his pocket. An undisclosed amount of cash was taken during the robbery, officials said. "Here's someone who over the last year or two has shown a propensity for criminal behavior up to the point where he progressed to robbery, a violent crime," said Yvonne Martinez, spokeswoman for the Palm Bay Police Department.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Resizing pictures Dear Webby, Even though I've had a computer for about 15 years I call myself a self-taught illerate. I got the computer for email and to play games. I surf sometimes but don't use it for business. My question is about pictures. How do I make my digital camera pictures smaller to email? Right now the dimensions are 2048x1536 and are 1105K when I email one to myself. Isn't that to large to email several at a time? Can you help me please. And I love your vacation pictures and especially your Dad's pics. Carolyn Dear Carolyn For that you need a resizer or a graphics program. Resizers are just dumb. You put in the dimensions you want, and it will shrink the picture to that dimension. With a graphics program you can crop the picture. If the picture is for example 4000 x 3000 pixels, and you really just want the butterfly in the corner, and the result to be 640 x 480, then you use the cropping tool and stretch a 640x480 outline in that corner, and crop that. GIMP is probably the best of the free graphics tools. Paint Shop Pro from Corel is the most common among the paid ones, though Photoshop is pretty close, but a lot more expensive. Have FUN! DearWebby
"Mummy, tomorrow I have an oral exam. One question the teacher will ask me is "who made you?" What shall I say?" asked Little Johnny. "Say God made you." replied his mother. The next day, when the question came up, poor Little Johnny forgot what his mother had said, so he explained, "Teacher, until yesterday I was sure it was my father who made me. But then my mother said it was someone else - but I can't remember who it was."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bagged Salads Bagged salad fixings are great, except they go bad so quickly due to excess moisture in the bag. To extend your salad greens' life, open the bag once you get home, place a paper towel inside and then close with a bag clip. The paper towel absorbs the extra moisture. This gives salad about an extra week. By Morganna from Anderson, IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony $18 bills would be in some small "hick town." So, he got into his very expensive new luxury car and off he went. After driving for a while, he found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Can you change this for me, please?" he asked. The store clerk looked at the $18 bill for a short time, then smiled and said to the man, "Ah reckon so, Mister. Ya want 2 nines or 3 sixes?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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"I'm ashamed of the way we live," a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job. "My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I'm just so ashamed." The husband rolled over on the couch. "You *should* be ashamed," he agreed. "Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a cent."

» Painted feathers
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Remove RightMedia malware 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, January 15, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel. --- Franklin P. Adams The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives. --- Anthony Robbins:
Thanks to Roland for this story: Doctor Bloom who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis had waiting room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and, amazingly, emerged within half an hour walking completely erect with her head held high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?" She answered, "Miracle, shmiracle, he gave me a longer cane."
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately she began flattering him outrageously. The guy liked the young lady, but was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch. He was amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage. "Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," she smiled. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the back of the bank where you have your account. I know all I need to know about you."
Thanks to my dad for this picture. He DOES set a nice breakfast table. Too bad none of the ladies can keep up with him!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Carolyn Paulsen-Riat, 33 of Olympia, Washington Support mailbox over quota OLYMPIA, Wash. — Court papers allege that an Olympia woman, angry that her husband left her, tampered with his power tools so that he received a powerful electric shock. Carolyn Paulsen-Riat was booked Friday into the Thurston County Jail for investigation of third-degree assault, domestic violence, and second-degree malicious mischief. A judge released the 33-year-old woman on her own recognizance. The Olympian newspaper reported that court documents said that on Jan. 1, the man was using a 220-volt table saw when he received the shock, knocking him to the ground. Thurston County sheriff's deputies said the man did not need to go to a hospital. In the documents, deputies said the woman told them she had reversed the wires on his power tools because she was angry he was leaving. The husband told detectives that Paulsen-Riat also had destroyed his vintage Da Vinci accordion, valued at about $5,000, and an antique tool chest valued at about $3,000. A deputy seized Paulsen-Riat’s 9 mm semi-automatic pistol while investigators were at the residence. In most places tampering with the wiring like that is considered attempted first degree murder.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Infected by Rightmedia Hello Webby, After running Spybot today it said there is trouble with Right Media. What is that? I clicked fix troubles but wondered if Right Media is something serious. I enjoy your newsletter and appreciate all your help. Thanks, Carolyn Dear Carolyn Rightmedia is indeed a very wicked trojan. Usually Spyware-Search&Destroy can get rid of it. You may have to update it beforehand. If it doesn't get rid of it, try Super Anti-Spyware or Malwarebytes’ Anti-Malware. Have FUN! DearWebby
Being able to turn your grandchildren into spoiled brats is God's reward for not killing your children.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bargain Plants at Garden Centers Have a green thumb and a tight budget? I have found that if I go to garden centers in the big box home improvement stores on the day after their vendors go through the plants, I can find some real bargains. I have bought some puny plants that were in planters which cost more than the plant was reduced to! Generally all the plants need is a little water and some TLC. I bring them home, put them in a shady spot, and keep them well-watered for several days before planting them out. The stores usually have them on rolling carts toward the back of the garden section. If you don't see them, ask someone. The folks in the garden center are happy to show you to help get them out of there. Don't be afraid to ask if they will reduce something that is less than vibrant. A little clipping, plant fertilizer and watering can revive most annuals which are droopy. I have been doing this for several years and have lost very few plants. At the price I got them for, that didn't amount to much money. By Sandy from Elon, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A first-grade girl came home from school. She was very happy, and her Mom noticed this. Mom asked, "What makes you so happy today?" The girl said, "Mom, we learned how to make babies in school today!" Thinking that first grade was a bit early for that, she asked her daughter to tell her how. "It's easy, Mom -- you just drop the 'y', and add 'i-e-s', " the daughter said.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker said, "What the @#$%& is excuse me?"

» Reynold's Wild West
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Gmail Filters 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, January 14, 2010


A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions than anything else in the world. --- Edmond de Goncourt To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle. --- George Orwell
Miss Prissy was going over Melvin's records with his anxious parents. On one page was the statement, "Melvin used fowl language today." Mr. Messpot, hoping to put the teacher in a bad light, snickered, "Ha! You spelled foul wrong." Miss Prussy corrected, "No, I meant F-O-W-L. Your precious child called me a 'dumb cluck' ."
Son: Why is Father singing to the baby so much tonight? Mother: He is trying to sing her asleep. Son: Well, If I were her, I'd pretend I was asleep.
Thanks to Lillemor for this pictrue from Finland Sure reminds me of the Yukon, but doesn't really make me homesick.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sympatico.ca and BELL Support mailbox over quota This Message was undeliverable due to the following reason: The user(s) account is temporarily over quota. support@sympatico.ca Reporting-MTA: dns; tomts21.bellnexxia.net Arrival-Date: Wed, 13 Jan 2010 16:38:02 -0500 Received-From-MTA: dns; toip29.srvr.bell.ca (67.69.240.31) Original-Recipient: RFC822; support@sympatico.ca Final-Recipient: RFC822; support@sympatico.ca Sympatico has never been praised for reliability, but it must be pretty bad these days, if even their support mailbox is over quota. Those boneheads need support desperately!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marlene Re: Your letter is blocked i have subscribed on hotmail, gmail both and your letter is blocked most of the time so now i keep a link on the desktop and just read from the web everyday. so glad you mentioned the voting favorites recently, i thought i could only vote for one, so was voting every other day between you and ophelia. now you both get voted for. -- Marlene Dear Marlene With Gmail you can make a filter. Click on Settings Make Filter In the filter, you can use the FROM field and put in humor@webby.com or the SUBJECT field. The subject line always starts with Humor: and has since 1994, to make it easy to automatically filter it into a humor mailbox. In the early days, spam was not a problem, but neat sorting was high on people's priority list. For the Action select "Never send it to spam" A lot of people use Gmail for filtering their mail. It does an excellent job on that, and keeps a searchable archive of the spam. Just make sure the spam doesn't get you over the 73 GB limit. Otherwise ALL mail stops. Set Gmail to forward the (filtered) mail to a new ISP based address, and tell your ISP to exclude it from any and all filtering. Have FUN! DearWebby
I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... She told me that they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Sewing Patterns in Ziplock Bags I do a lot of sewing, using the same patterns over and over. After a while, I've lost pieces, which drives me nuts! I finally figured how to solve the problem. After I cut a pattern apart, I put it in a ziploc bag, with it's envelope. I don't have to worry about pieces slipping out if it's turned upside down, and it's easy to store. Won't get torn or wet. By crafty nanny from Hartwick, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
A fellow who's just reached his 150th birthday was giving a press conference to the assembled media. "Excuse me, sir," one of the reporters said, "but how did you come to live to 150? "It's actually quite simple," the old fellow replied. "I just never argue." "That's impossible," the reporter responded. "There must be something else, like diet, or meditation, or something. Just not arguing won't keep you alive for 150 years!" The old fellow shrugged his shoulders and said: "Hmmm, could be you're right."

» Snow Deep
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How to re-install Windows 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. --- Sir Winston Churchill Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. --- Albert Schweitzer
Thanks to Scooter for this: My wife asked me what I was doing today, I told her "nothing". She told me that’s what you did yesterday. I told her, I’m not finished yet.
German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig too. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber network. Scottish scientists were outraged. They dug 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. So they concluded that the bulge in the kilts of the ancient Scotts 55,000 years ago, must have been cellphones.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Escobar, 40, Vasquez, 29, Ramos, 25 and Machados-Chicas, 34.of Conroe, Texas. 4 men arrested in botched Conroe jewelry store burglary Police captured a band of burglars who made several mistakes when they broke into a Conroe jewelry store Monday morning, officials said. The lookout man failed to disable the alarm system at Camillo's Fine Jewelry, 2107 W. Davis. The suspected getaway driver was found sleeping in his car, Conroe police said. The alarm company notified Conroe police about 2 a.m. about the break-in. Officers converged on the store, covering the front and back of the building. As the officers were checking the back of the building, two men suddenly ran out the front door. They were arrested about 100 yards away. A man believed to be the lookout also was captured, authorities said. Conroe police said the burglars cut a hole through the roof to gain entry the store but tripped the still-operating alarm system. The getaway driver was asleep in a 1998 Chevrolet Lumina less than a mile away from the store when police arrived. Evidence was found linking him to the break-in, authorities said. Conroe police identified the suspects as Alberto Carlos Escobar, 40; William Renee Vasquez, 29 ; Christian Javier Ramos, 25, and Santos Orlando Machados-Chicas, 34. They have been charged with burglary of a building and engaging in organized criminal activity.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joanne Re: Can't re-install Windows Dear Webby, I have been a fan of yours for years and have used a lot of the advice you have given. Now I have a problem I hope you can help me with. My computer is so slow, takes about 15 or 20 minutes just to get it up and running. I was told to reboot it. I tried to put the original CD's in but it would not work. Then someone told me I had to dump it all first, but wasn't told how. Can you help me. I am to the point I don't want to even use it as it is just too slow. Thanks for any help you can give me. Joanne Dear Joanne First, back up your addresses, bookmarks, pictures and music, either onto CDs, DVDs or onto the net. Don't bother backing up programs. You have to re-install them anyway, but make sure you print the registration numbers for every program that you paid for! To format and re-install Windows you first have to tell it to consider the CD drive as the first choice of boot devices. To do that you need to get into the BIOS Set-up. When you turn it on, you first see a black screen with just the message which Function key to press to get into the setup. It shows that for only a second or so. The Support at your computer maker can also tell you. In the BIOS set the first boot device to the CD, then put the Windows Set-Up CD into the drive, and do a full power-off reboot. Once you have done that and boot up with the Windows Set-Up CD, it will ask you if you REALLY want to permanently dump the mess on the hard drive. When you tell it to go ahead, it does that. Permanently. You can't undo that if you remember later, that you forgot to back up your half finished tax return. After formatting, it will install Windows and your computer will again be just as fast as on the day you bought it. Have FUN! DearWebby
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. When he finally gets home, he starts tiptoeing up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs, he falls over backwards. An empty pint bottle in his back pocket broke, and carved up his buttocks. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror and noticed the injury. He repaired the damage as well as he could under the circumstances and went to bed. The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom. "Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?" "I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers." "A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered !" "What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?" he asked. "Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of Band-Aids stuck to the mirror."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Your Raises I recently got my annual raise and have been putting it into savings. If i don't use it, it's like I never got it! A friend of mine read somewhere (not sure where) that a person has been living on the same salary for 10 years by doing this! So yes, it can be done! By Donna from Northlake, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The other night I was waiting for a date getting ready to go out. She sat there and put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick and all kinds of stuff I don't even know the names of, then turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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During a phone conversation, my niece mentioned that she was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," she replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester."

» Edgar Mueller
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Stop Taskbar from hiding under open windows 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, January 12, 2010


The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking. --- John Kenneth Galbraith The great tragedy of Science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis by an ugly fact. --- Thomas H. Huxley (Facts didn't stop Al Gore and the Algorian Sheep!)
An old Jewish woman has been invited to help screen a movie for the rating it willl carry. The movie is a remake of a Roman Gladiator-type movie. In the middle of the movie is a scene where the Romans are feeding people to the lions. The little old lady hits the buzzer she's been given, which stops the movie. The attendant comes down to her chair and says, "Yes, ma'am?" "This movie should be rated 'R'," she says, "because those Jews are being fed to the lions!" The attendant says, "Ma'am, those are Christians, not Jews." "Oh..... Ok. Well, start the movie up again." A few minutes later she again presses the buzzer. The attendant comes down to her chair. "Yes ma'am?" She points to the screen. "Those lions over there... they're not eating!"
A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country outhouse, had the misfortune to fall through the opening and land in the muck at the bottom. He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs. The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens blaring as they approached the privy. "Where's the fire?" called the chief. "No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole. "But if I had yelled about what is down here, would you have rescued me?"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Anthony Flores, 25, of Chandler, AZ One man Bozo Parade A Chandler man suspected of standing through his open sunroof while speeding on Valley freeways has turned himself in. Arizona Department of Public Safety officers arrested 25-year-old Richard Anthony Flores on suspicion of reckless driving and criminal speed. Flores was involved in three incidents on Valley freeways. During the first incident on Nov. 6, Flores reportedly reached 90 mph in a 65 mph zone on the San Tan portion of the Loop 202 near Lindsay Road. In the other two incidents, Flores was captured on camera driving his Volkswagen Passat while standing through his sunroof. Those incidents occurred minutes apart on Nov. 11 on westbound U.S. 60 near Mesa Drive, then Alma School Road. Flores reached speeds of just under 80 mph, according to DPS. is car insurance is expected to be higher than his car payments for a long, long time.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Deeli Re: Taskbar is hiding Dear Webby, Had to reformat so lots of things are working differently now :-( I'll adjust ;-) The one thing that's driving me crazy though is that when I open email or Google they are completely full screen and not on top of the task bar anymore (hiding the task bar) :-( Is there any way to fix that or am I just stuck with it ??? It's a pain in the butt to have to minimize when several things are open and having to move them around to find what I am looking for instead of being able to directly minimize to the task bar :-( Deeli Dear Deeli Click Start Click Settings and then Taskbar and Start Menu Once in the Taskbar and Start Menu Properties window check the Auto-hide the taskbar option if you wish to enable this feature or uncheck this option to disable it. Depending on your version it might be worded differently, but meaning the same. Like most things, this works easier and more predictably in Classic mode than in Yuppie mode. Have FUN! DearWebby
Joe sets Jim up to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Jim is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly and scary?" says Jim, "I'll be stuck with her all night." "Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack." So that night, Jim knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: ..."Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Small Jars Organized in a Plastic Basket I live alone and have a pretty small refrigerator. I bought a little plastic basket from the dollar store and put all my jams, jellies, etc. in it on the bottom shelf of my refrigerator. It makes it a lot easier to find smaller items, just pull out the basket and it's all there. It's just something I thought up while cleaning out my refrigerator one day and found jars here, there and everywhere. By Barbara from Evington, VA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Marietta phones up her husband at work for a chat. HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today." HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news." HER "Well, the air bag works."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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One day a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you good?", they ask. It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

» Windchill Factors
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how to uninstall Personal Security? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, January 11, 2010


The Wizard of Oz is 70 years old. Today, if Dorothy were to encounter Men with no brains, no hearts, and no courage, She wouldn't be in Oz. She'd be in Congress. --- David A. Sonntag
(When you re-tell this joke, you'll have to replace Kentucky and Tennesee with the names of states in your area.) On the border of Kentucky and Tennessee there's a small forest. Half of the forest belongs to a Kentucky farmer, while the other half belongs to a Tennessee man. One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Tennessee man comes across a wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his house and calls his Kentucky neighbor. "There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of the forest." "How do you know it's one of *our* wolves?" the Kentucky farmer asked. "Well," the Tennessee man replied, "he's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped."
Sam made an appointment with a urologist, famous for his work in the field of impotence. The doctor examined him and said, "You're in remarkably good condition for a man of 85. Why are you here?" Sam replied, "My friend Max says he has sex twice a week. I can't do that." The doctor shrugged. "Yes you can. You can certainly SAY you have sex as many times a week as you like."
A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said: "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me either doc." said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
Thanks to dad for this picture: What is THAT?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Steven Alan Locasio, 48, and Christine Locasio, 50, in Marathon, Florida Cops plant ransom note for pot plants A marijuana grower thought his small crop was being held for ransom after a suspicious note was left in place of his plants, the Monroe County Sheriff's Office said. "Thanks for the grow! You want them back? Call for the price … we'll talk," read the note left in place of the stash that was growing on a lot near his apartment. Unfortunately for Steven Alan Locasio, 48, the ransom note was written by detectives, who arrested Locasio when he showed up with $200 in exchange for the safe return of the pot plants. According to the Sheriff's Office, a resident called to report that the plants were growing in a wooded lot off of Coco Plum Drive in Marathon. Police found six plants, took them for evidence and left behind the note. Locasio called the number to arrange the exchange. He handed detectives the cash and they arrested him, the Sheriff's Office said. A search of his apartment turned up 20 more marijuana plants, several Oxycontin pills and $1,380 in cash. Locasio and his wife, Christine Locasio, 50, were both charged with cultivation of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia and sale of marijuana.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Linda Re: how to uninstall Personal Security? Dear Webby, Please help! Can you tell me how to uninstall Personal Security? Thanks, Linda Dear Linda That is some wicked malware! Considering the places, that you apparently have surfed to, you really should get a reasonably decent anti virus program! The removal instructions are here Print them out and get a highlighter or crayon to mark off each step. Please note that at one point you are supposed to ignore the on-screen istructions about rebooting, and at another spot you are supposed to follow the instrucions. So, don't try to memorize the instructions, print them out and check off each step. Have FUN! DearWebby
While carpenters were working outside the old house a woman had just bought, she busied myself with indoor cleaning. She had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay she looked from his muddy boots to her newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," She said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down some newspapers." "That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already house trained."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thanks to Deeli for this update on yesterday's tip: Here's something that might be helpful to you (or maybe not) but you can get 100 tea light candles from Walgreen's Pharmacy if you buy four packages of 25 for only $10.00 total ;-) They're two packs of 25 for $5.00 each, and they are even scented ;-) My choice is Vanilla ;-) Deeli Thanks to Elsie for another update tip: You better put a real or fake cactus onto those box sconces! Cats just love jumping up on them to look down on their servants. While that looks cute, when they are kittens, an old, fat cat will eventually wreck the box and the candles spill all over the place. Now each of ours have a nasty looking cactus on them, and the cats don't even try to jump up onto them from half way across the room. Elsie Use Plastic Coffee Containers for Paint Cans This is one from my hubby. He has me keeping all of the 2 pound plastic coffee containers with the handles on them for future use in his shop. He builds houses and remodels them as well. He says these containers are perfect for holding paint while working on a house. He can hang on to it easily with the handle and they are very sturdy. By Julie C. from Liberty, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A puzzled expression ran riot over Joanne's face. "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again??" He gave her a grin... ;-) ... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," replied Joanne. "Write it down," he said, as he was walking away, "and I think you'll figure it out." (She wrote...) I D 1 0 T
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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What is THAT? It is one of hundreds of benches along a scenic road. A ski lift company upgraded from 4-seater chairs to six seaters, and donated the old 4-seaters to be used as road side benches. In sunshine they get quite toasty and comfortable inside.

» Spehrical Photos
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Is this letter from the bank a fake? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, January 10, 2010


With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another. --- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. --- Lily Tomlin
At an annual Bosses Night dinner for Helena, Montana, lawyers, sponsored by legal secretaries, it was time to announce the Boss of the Year. The master of ceremonies began: "First of all, our winner is a graduate of the University of Montana. So that already eliminates some of you as candidates." "Our winner also is a partner in a downtown Helena law firm. That eliminates some more of you. "Our nominee is honest, upright, dedicated..." A voice from the audience cut in: "Well, there go the rest of us!"
A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R." The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R." Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." Then the teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?" Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?" Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and --WHACK!!-- he knocks him off the bar stool and says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ" but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden --WHACK-- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this so he leaves and is gone for an hour or so and when comes back. --WHACK!!!"-- He knocks the big dude off his stool and out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to himself, tell him that was ....... a pipe wrench from Snap-On..
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: The fish find their work environment quite interesting.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Swiss court fines speeding millionaire $290,000 By The Associated Press ST. GALLEN, Switzerland (AP) - A Swiss court has slapped a wealthy speeder with a chalet-sized fine - a full $290,000. Judges at the cantonal court in St. Gallen, in eastern Switzerland, based the record-breaking fine on the speeder's estimated wealth of over $20 million. A statement on the court's Web site says the driver - a repeat offender - drove up to 35 miles an hour (57 kilometers an hour) faster than the 50-mile-an-hour (80-kilometer-an-hour) in-town limit. Court clerk Heidi Baumann-Becker said Thursday the unidentified driver can appeal the decision, handed down in November, to the Swiss supreme court. (they usually just laugh at appealing speeders and charge them Supreme Court fees.) The Blick daily newspaper in Zurich reported the fine was more than twice the previous Swiss record of about $107,000. ----- I grew up just across the Rhine from there, in Austria, and everybody there knows that traffic violation fines are based on the law breaker's estimated wealth. If you rent or lease an expensive car, they will fine you, as if you owned it. Keep that firmly in mind if you ever go there and rent a car.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Beth Re:Is this letter from the bank a fake? is this fake? ~ Beth --- On Sat, 1/9/10, `chasebank.com` wrote: From: `chasebank.com` Subject: `notification: To: Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 2:27 PM We have detected a slight error in your account information. To eliminate securely this information error please download the form attached to this email and open it in a web browser. Once opened, you will be provided with steps to protect your account access. Thank you ! *Chase-Bank-Team* Dear Beth Yes, totally fake. Just dump it. And dump that attached html file too, without clicking on anything on it. If you click on anything in it, the crooks own your computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?" "The glaciers brought them down," said the guide. "But where are the glaciers?" "The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice, "have gone back for more rocks."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Be Ready For A Nighttime Power Outage We just had an hour long power outage (unexpected as it is 9 pm on a cold winter night). I learned three things tonight that I want to share (common sense but we all know that is not the way it works, LOL) 1. Make sure you KNOW where the candles ARE! it is easy to think "oh sure, I know exactly where they are" (want to bet?) and, during the day or when there is power by flipping the switch, it is easy to find them. It is not so easy when there are no lights (and damn it is BLACK) in here! 2. Make sure if you have pets (cats especially) that candles are not a novelty when they are lit. I had 2 out of three tonight who were determined that they had to stick their noses into the flame (or thought that they should) 3. In a pinch, a small tin can makes a good candle snuffer (something else I DO HAVE, but couldn't find it) Have a good night. By Cinnamon from Williams Lake, BC In most households, flashlights are devices for holding dead batteries. Don't fall for those shaker flashlights, unless you have spastic kids. They are quite a nuissance, and by the time you have used them long enough to find candles, you are ready to toss them for good. You can buy rechargeable flashlights that sit in the charger, always ready to use. As for candles, the only ones that are really safe and useful are "Tea Candles", the little candles in aluminum cupcake liners, used by better restaurants to keep tear or food hot. They are dirt cheap. At a restaurant supply store or over the net you can usually get a bag of 100 for around $20. If you have frequent power outages, then it is a good idea to make a sconce (wall bracket). Just get a rectangular cookie or shortbread tin with a hinged lid and a piece of scrap wood or cardboard as a spacer between it and the wall, so that the lid can open. Attach it in a horizontal position, with the lid on top, and the hinge towards the wall. Keep your tea lights and a lighter in the tin. When needed, open the lid as a reflector and light multiplier, and light one or more of the tea lites. You will be surprised how much good and usable light you get! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"Anni caught a Peeping Tom last night, and she'd have killed him if we hadn't stopped her," said Sam. "He must have made her very angry, peeking at her, huh?" replied his friend. "No, that's not what made her the maddest," Sam chuckled. "It's not?" asked the friend. "No, she got mad when he reached in the window and closed the curtains!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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From Cindy Sometimes, when I'm in class, I dream that I'm on a tropical island, with a dozen or more scantily clad females beside me, sitting under a huge palm tree, with some soft gentle music being played on some traditional wood instruments of that region, and a cool gentle breeze caressing my tanned body. I do all this while trying to forget I'm in a classroom. Of course, it would be so much easier without everyone yelling at me to wake up and teach.

» Chevy Collection
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Voting for more than one newsletter 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, January 9, 2010


A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves. --- Edward R. Murrow
A nursery school teacher was telling her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said "I'm not free!" Taken aback by the boy's positive attitude, she said, "well, at your age I will admit that you are not allowed to do anything you want, but what I meant is that your family can do anything that is legal. Now, do you understand that you are free?" "No -- I'm NOT free," he said looking up defiantly, "I'm four!"
"I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds. "I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time."
The Father, passing through the son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whattya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!", replied the voice. "Just dump him on the front porch as usual, and we'll sober him up in the morning."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Some people quite enjoy the end of the Gullible Warming ripple!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ryan Densmore, 22, of Wallingford, Conn., and Travis McKeaveney, 23, of Middletown, Conn. Lost crooks asked police for directions BRANFORD, Conn. (UPI) -- Police in Connecticut said two thieves were arrested after stopping to ask a police officer for directions back to the highway. Branford police said Ryan Densmore, 22, of Wallingford, Conn., and Travis McKeaveney, 23, of Middletown, Conn., took eight catalytic converters from the parking lots of several automotive businesses in Branford before stopping at about 4 a.m. to ask a police officer for directions to Interstate 91, WTNH-TV, New Haven, Conn., reported. "As the pair drove away, Officer Eula noticed that the rear license plate of the vehicle Densmore was operating was covered with some sort of material," Sgt. Gregory Watrous said. "The officer became suspicious and stopped the vehicle as it entered I-95." Watrous said police found the catalytic converters in the car, along with metal cutting saws and blades. "I knew that we had a group of thieves taking these items, I just figured that that may have been a little better organized and more intelligent," Chief John DeCarlo said. "Some criminals never cease to amaze me."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerry Re:Voting for more than one newsletter Hi Webby My Friend, Here's a question I've always have been wonderin' about... I vote for your page almost everyday from the EzlineFinder link... I then go to Ophelia Dingbatter's News page and read her daily humor and also "vote" for her page... I was just wondering if both votes count, due to the fact that after I vote for yours it will not let me vote again till after midnight... But I can still vote for her's ... Ya know what I mean, Do Both Votes Count ??? Thanks for keepin' us all in good sprites !!! ~~~~~Jerry~~~~~ Dear Jerry Yes, both votes count. If you simplify voting by registering, then you can click on FAVORITES in there, and add any number of newsletters to your Favorites. Then next time you come in to vote, it shows you the vote buttons for all your favorites, and you can click on them one after the other, all on the same page. AND, using that method, you don't have to worry about confirmation request emails. You take care of that by logging in. Since you can tell your browser to remember your log-in, that is no effort at all. Have FUN! DearWebby
A mother was teaching her four-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail Amen. "
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cook for Other Families to Save Money To save money on groceries, you could find one or two families who you know are very busy and either eat out a lot or order in a lot. See if they would be interested in having you make meals for them. The key is they buy enough groceries to make enough for their family and yours. I find if you're making a meal anyways, it is very easy to double it. I personally make meals for two separate families. One family I will cook for two days a week and the second I will cook for the remaining three days, with the weekends being leftover days. Then on Fridays, I sit down and make up the menus for the coming week and the ingredient list for both families. They go buy the food and drop it off to me for the week. By Vicki from Nanaimo, B.C. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

I came across some notes from the days, when I was traveling around the Yukon a lot. Some were quite funny. From the granny in the "Scare North" parka (the stewardess): "They remembered to put the gas cap on today, so we won't be doing the usual circling back to the airport. Which is unfortunate, because they forgot to put the cap on the coffee thermos." And from the pilot during his message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... They will be on the next flight." One time in the 70s when they were still using their drafty see-through DC3 from Whitehorse to Dawson City, Dennis the pilot was in a serious looking conference with the stewardess and then came walking back, looking pointedly at the bright red toolcase on the floor between my feet and asked: "Does anybody by any chance have a 3/4" wrench?" I was on my way to fix a big generator and certainly did have all the wrenches with me. After I handed him a 3/4" wrench, he went back to the stewardess. She handed him a beer. In those days the beer still had crown-caps instead of screw-tops. He grabbed the bottle tighly around the neck with one hand, leveraged the wrench over his thumb and expertly popped the cap. Seems they had forgotten the bottle opener on that trip, and by the time we reached Dawson City the stewardess got pretty good at opening beer with a wrench.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Georgina likes sitting in the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought half a loaf of bread that had gone a bit moldy to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone. Then suddenly a man rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere, when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. After staring at him for a few seconds, she handed him the last chunk of bread and said: "Since you are so full of hot air and good advice, I'll let you take this to Africa"

» Best time to buy
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Voting Mystery 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, January 8, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers. --- William James Confusion is always the most honest response. --- Marty Indik
Thanks to Wendy for sending back this classic: Harry urgently needed a few days off work, but, He knew the Boss would not Allow me to take leave. He thought that maybe if he acted 'Crazy' then the boss would tell him to take a Few days off. He hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny Noises. Harry's co-worker who's blonde) asked him what he was doing. Harry told her that he was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think he was 'Crazy' and give him a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in The name of good GOD are you doing?' Harry told him that he was a light bulb. The Boss said, 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.' Harry jumped down and walked out of the office... When Harry's co-worker followed him, the Boss asked her, '...And Where do you think you're going?!' She said, 'I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.'
A Columbia lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep." The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up."
Alex sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?" Elmer smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue." Alex said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern." "Yes, sure Alex, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !"
Some Policemen in Britain are having a riot on the shields.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Augusta Cannon, 80 in Kansas City, MO 80-year-old plays Robin Hood, robs banks KANSAS CITY, Mo. (UPI) -- An 80-year-old Missouri man with a pellet gun said he robbed a bank and tried to hold up another so he could give away the money, court documents show. Retired railroad engineer Augusta Cannon was charged with attempted robbery of a U.S. Bank branch in Kansas City. U.S. Magistrate Judge Robert E. Larsen ordered him held without bond pending trial, The Kansas City Star reported. Cannon allegedly pointed a gun at the teller demanding money, but left when told the teller had none, the newspaper said. After his arrest Monday, Cannon allegedly told FBI investigators he had used the same pellet gun about 15 minutes after the attempted robbery to rob a UMB branch of about $8,700. He said his motive for the robbery and robbery attempt was to give the stolen money to underprivileged children, the Star reported. Bank employees said $,8,700 was taken in the robbery, but Cannon told police he had given away most of what he took. Cannon has not been charged in the alleged robbery and less than $1,000 was found at his home in a subsequent search, police said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Len Re:Voting mystery Good morning Webby A curious question about the Ezine Finder voting system. Last week your number was over 50,000 votes. Today, they are showing 645. Is that right or even realistic? Keep up the good work? Len Dear Len The votes get zeroed for everybody on January 1, and traditionally they mess up the first two-three days of the year, then the vote count becomes realistic and believable. By the end of January those first two-three days won't make any difference any more. Have FUN! DearWebby
During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 12 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror. "There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 1 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything." Both were excused.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Swimming Pool as a Garden We used to have a swimming pool. We did not like to swim or spend so much money to keep the pool clean, it takes lots of money and time to keep it clean. I suggested we have it filled up with dirt so I could have a garden, We had it filled up, I had a very pretty garden all the year, very good idea. By Kathleen from Dothan, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over. Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time. It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone. So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down. On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile. Bob says, "It's the only way down. I will go first." Bob jumped. Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, "Hey Bob! How deep did you go?" Bob yells back, "I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!" Dan jumps and goes clear up to his neck in manure. He says to Bob, "I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?" Bob replies, "I did, but I landed head first!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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My friend's sister was to be married on short notice but still wanted an elaborate wedding. The invitations were ready to be mailed when someone noticed that there were no inserted cards inviting guests to the reception. Undaunted, the mother of the bride typed up a note, made 280 copies and enclosed one with each formal invitation. Family and friends were surprised to read: "Conception immediately following the ceremony in the grand Ballroom of the Holiday Inn. Everyone is invited to participate in this memorable event."

» Cold Comfort
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Alternate blog locations 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, January 7, 2010


Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it. --- Soren Kierkegaard If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had. --- I. F. Stone
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied. "Baked tongue of chicken?... baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.
A minister was rather long-winded. During his sermon a young wife in the congregation remembered that she had left the Sunday dinner in the gas range without regulating the flame. She hastily wrote a note and slipped it to her husband, who was an usher. He, thinking it was for the minister, calmly walked up and laid it on the pulpit. The minister paused, took the note with a smile, which turned into a terrific frown as he read: "Please hurry home and shut off the gas."
Little Johnny was reading from a Hans Christian Anderson book. "Miss Figpot?" Little Johnny asked, "Does m-i-r-a-g-e spell marriage?" "No Johnny," sighed the teacher. "But it should."
To get ready for the coming Ice Age, Ford Canada showed off their all new Ford Freezom SXY with dual front furnaces and rear engine.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Dwight J. Brock Jr. of Mesa, AZ Sister Accidentally Runs Over, Kills Brother MESA, Ariz. (Jan. 3) - Police say a teenage girl accidentally ran over and killed her 17-year-old brother as the two played around in an Arizona shopping mall parking lot. Mesa Police spokesman Ed Wessing on Sunday identified the brother as Dwight J. Brock Jr. and his sister as 16-year-old Nicole M. Brock, both residents of Mesa. Wessing says the sister had dropped off her brother at Superstition Springs Mall Saturday evening. And then they started playing around, with the brother jumping in front of the car and the sister slamming on the brakes. The last time that happened the sister was unable to stop and ran over the brother. He was rushed to a hospital in critical condition and later pronounced dead.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re:Blog type Dear Webby If dstokes79 has a domain, she can use the full version of Wordpress from http://wordpress.org, or any of the full featrued blogs, like the one you or I use. Bill Dear Bill Yes, maybe she could, theoretically. However, owning a domain name does not mean having a web site actually set up and working, or that they have enough web skills to manage a full featured blog. When somebody is not a subscriber, has no signature block on their email, and doesn't even sign off with their name, then they are most likely not quite ready to go beyond the most basic type of blog. She can always upgrade later. Have FUN! DearWebby
Casey came home from the doctor looking very worried. his wife said, "What's the problem?" He said, "The doctor told me I have to take a pill every day for the rest of my life." She said, "So what? Lots of people have to take a pill every day their whole lives." He said, "I know, but he only gave me a dozen pills!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cutting Down on Craft Mess My whole family loves to paint and do crafts. To help keep messes to a minimum, I save all the foam trays from the meats we buy. They work great for everything: glitter, paint, glue and sorting beads. I even have other family members saving theirs for me. By Sarah from Berrien Springs, MI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When Jean arrived for her daughter's parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling her that her little girl didn't always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty. "For example, she'll do the wrong page in the workbook," the teacher explained, "and I've even found her sitting in the wrong desk." "I don't understand that," Jean replied defensively. "Where could she have gotten that?" The teacher went on to reassure her that her daughter was still doing fine in school and was sweet and likeable. Finally, after a pause, she added, "By the way, Mrs. Johnson, our appointment was for tomorrow."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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College student: "Hey, Dad! I've got some great news for you!" Father: "What, son?" College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?" Father (beaming): "I certainly do." College student: "Well, you get to keep it!"

» Snazzy Shacks
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Where to put a blog? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, January 6, 2010


If you would be known, and not know, vegetate in a village; If you would know, and not be known, live in a city. --- Charles Caleb Colton There MIGHT be Gullible Warming. On this planet it seems to have moved indoors. --- DearWebby
A Border Patrol Agent catches a guy that just might be an illegal alien. However he begs and pleads and asks for a chance to stay. The BPA decides to give him a chance and says: "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use three English words in a sentence". Of course, the man agrees to this. The BPA tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in one sentence." The guy thinks really hard for about two minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok...... The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"
A college professor asked his class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?" One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor you're 44.." The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's half nuts."
A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and commanded him: "Tell me when you will die!" The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately, no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will die," he answered finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will die a horrible death three days later...."
Mom! Does "can opener" have a meow in it?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeremiah Gilliam, 22, of New York Xbox IP leads police to suspect NEW YORK (UPI) -- Police said a suspected serial burglar was arrested in New York after he used an Xbox taken during one of his alleged crimes to play games online. Pelham, N.Y., police said they traced the Internet protocol address of the stolen Xbox to the New York home of Jeremiah Gilliam, 22, who had already been under police investigation for his suspected involvement in 13 unlocked car burglaries, the New York Post reported Friday. "On the day of the burglary, the victim used another Xbox and saw his system was already online," Pelham Detective John Hynes said. "At the house, we found Xboxes, PlayStations, GPS units, laptops -- a total of 53 items, including stolen credit cards." Hynes said the items are believed to be from as many as 200 car break-ins and multiple home burglaries. Gilliam was arrested and charged with grand larceny.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: dstokes79 Re:Blog Hello Webby Rep, I'll would like to set up a new web site and blog for a very inexpensive cost. I juat di=on;t no where to begin. Can you help me. I already have my domain. Hi dstokes79 Just go to http://wordpress.com and register your blog. You need to have a name for it, choose a user name and a password. They will set it up and send you all the information and links on uploading and maintaining it. A Wordpress.com blog is very basic and simple, and allows you to get the experience needed to get into fancier blogs like the one at http://webby.com/humor/blog You don't need to have a web site of your own for a Wordpress.com blog, and there are many hundreds of eBooks available with detailed instructions and tips and tricks about Wordpres.com style blogs. Have FUN! DearWebby
The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't go no crayons." "Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons.' You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Willie said, "What happened to all them crayons that nobody ain't got?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Give Each Child Their Own Colored Towel Do less wash, buy each child a towel in their own color. When my 4 kids were growing up, I had a problem with them just throwing their bath towels onto the bathroom floor. I remedied this by buying each child their own towel in their own color. The rule was that they were each responsible for their own towel. They had to use the same towel all week long. I'd wash them all every Saturday. If I saw a towel on the floor, I knew who it belonged to. This not only stopped me from yelling about it, it also taught them to take care of their belongings. Believe me, you'll do whole lot less wash! By Cyinda from Seattle Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When Gore put both feet in his mouth at the same time, he didn't really have a leg to stand on.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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» 1st Olympic Archway
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Music Extraction 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, January 5, 2010


I have long been of the opinion that if work were such a splendid thing the rich would have kept more of it for themselves. --- Bruce Grocott Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves. --- Henri-Frédéric Amiel
Officers were being lectured about a new computer. The instructor said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Then he hollered, "There will be no eating or drinking in my class! Get rid of that coffee!" Joe inquired meekly "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill will wreck the Keyboard".
A careful study of economics reveals that the best time to buy anything, was last year.
That reminds me.... Greg complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore." "What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks. "It's Keli. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!" "You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling. "No, I mean HISTORICAL," Greg insists. "Every argument we have, she'll go "But I still remember that time five years ago when you said...."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Melodi Dushane, 24 of Toledo, Ohio Ohio woman hit window over lack of nuggets TOLEDO, Ohio (AP) -- Police say an Ohio woman punched through a McDonald's drive-through window because Chicken McNuggets weren't available. Police were called Friday to the restaurant in Toledo. Police say 24-year-old Melodi Dushane was treated for injuries, then jailed. She pleaded not guilty to a vandalism charge. She was released on a recognizance bond and ordered not to have contact with the restaurant.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Anise Re:Get the music from PPS files Dear Webby, How do I get the music from PPS files? Most of the PPS files sent to me have either great pictures OR great music, but usually one of them is not worth keeping. So, how do I get just the music? Anise Dear Anise You need a Program: PowerpointImageExtractor by Alain Lecomte It is Freeware. You can download it from http://alainlecomte.free.fr It puts the music and the pictures into a new and separate folder, so that they are easy to find. Using the program is a LOT easier than finding it to download it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and....' "
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Lemon Peels to Freshen Garbage Disposal Save Money By Baking Your Own Bread One way to save money on food is to learn about baking yeast. You can find a whole pound of it for about $2.50 at little shops or places that sell in bulk and you use it a tablespoon at a time - it lasts for months in the refrigerator. There are plenty of sites on the internet that will walk you through the process of making bread. The best advice I ever read about baking bread concerns how to know if your dough is kneaded well enough. If you stretch a piece of it and it holds together like a smooth sheet, it's ready to set aside to rise. Another trick of the trade is to let the dough rise three times before you shape it into loaves. The yeast will have thoroughly altered the flour, making it easy to digest and easing any worry that there is still live yeast in the bread. I also have learned to bake as much bread as our family will eat in a day or two and freeze the rest of the completely risen dough. When I'm ready to bake it I let it thaw completely, then shape it, rest it and bake it. The finished product will taste better than anything you can buy in the store, and will cost less than the most marked down loaf on the shelf. By Linda from Weirton, WV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic a while back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?" "Not a bit," the husband replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate just for you!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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"I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my boy as illiterate. This is a dirty lie. I was married to his father a week before he was born."

» Borneo Critters
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Extract music from PPS and PPT 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, January 4, 2010


What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong. --- Mo Udall
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks. As he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red in horror and goes, "Geez, oh..I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
A doctor told Mrs. Stone to give her husband one pill a day and one drink of whiskey to improve his stamina. A month later, when Mrs. Stone came in for another visit, the doctor asked, "How are we doing with the pill and the whiskey?" Mrs. Stone answered, "Well, he's a little behind with the pills, but he's about six months ahead with the whiskey."
One beautiful Sunday morning, a priest announced to his congregation: "My good people, I have here in my hands three sermons... a $100 sermon that lasts five minutes, a $50 sermon that lasts fifteen minutes, a $10 sermon that lasts a full hour, and a coin sermon that lasts till noon. Now, we'll take the collection to see which one you want."
Don't Tell!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Larry Bernard in Franklin, Indiana Underwear a poor disguise for robber INDIANAPOLIS (UPI) -- A robber's disguise -- women's panties -- wasn't enough to keep witnesses from identifying him, leading to an arrest by Indiana police, officials said. A man brandishing a large knife and covering his face with underwear robbed a convenience store in Franklin, Ind., Monday. He made off with cash, cigarettes and a lighter, WRTV, Indianapolis reported. A customer and the station clerk saw through the disguise and were able to provide a description of the robber detailed enough to lead police to set up surveillance around a Franklin home. Officers spotted Larry Bernard stumbling and intoxicated with a 12-inch knife in his waistband, Franklin Police Lt Chris Tennell said. Panties, cash, cigarettes and a lighter matching the stolen one were found in his pockets, police said. Bernard was taken to Johnson County Jail and held on $21,000 bond, WRTV reported.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Anise Re:Get the music from PPS files Dear Webby, How do I get the music from PPS files? Most of the PPS files sent to me have either great pictures OR great music, but usually one of them is not worth keeping. So, how do I get just the music? Anise Dear Anise You need Program: PowerpointImageExtractor by Alain Lecomte It is Freeware. You can download it from http://alainlecomte.free.fr It puts the music and the pictures into a new and separate folder, so that they are easy to find. Using the program is a LOT easier than finding it. Have FUN! DearWebby
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, what is the matter?" he asks. "Sweetheart," she sobs, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. I'll get you a new cat in the morning..."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Lemon Peels to Freshen Garbage Disposal I appreciated the tip about saving lemon peels in the freezer for future recipes, that call for lemon rind or zest. I would like to add that by saving lemon peels in the freezer, you can use a few of them in the garbage disposal periodically. This will freshen the smell, and cleanse the disposal. Hope this helps some people. By Donna Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A farmer stood leaning on a fence at the edge of his property. He watched as a red sports car came over the top of a hill and followed the road up to the spot where he stood. The driver pulled over to the side of the road and called out to the farmer. "Do you know how I can get to Route 91?" the driver asked. The farmer thought for a few seconds. Then he said, "Nope." "Do you know where the nearest turnpike entrance is?" the driver asked. "Nope." "How about the town of Hadley. Do you know which direction it is from here?" "Nope." Exasperated, the driver raced his engine. "You don't know very much, do you?" he said. "Nope," the farmer replied. "But I don't have to. I'm not lost."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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John was describing a 30 pound Bass he'd caught recently after fighting it for three hours. Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that fish. You're lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds." John replied, "Well . . . a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting."

» Striped icebergs
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Fried Video 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, January 3, 2010


"THE BUDGET SHOULD BE BALANCED, THE TREASURY SHOULD BE REFILLED, PUBLIC DEBT SHOULD BE REDUCED, THE ARROGANCE OF OFFICIALDOM SHOULD BE TEMPERED AND CONTROLLED, AND THE ASSISTANCE TO FOREIGN LANDS SHOULD BE CURTAILED LEST ROME BECOME BANKRUPT. PEOPLE MUST AGAIN LEARN TO WORK, INSTEAD OF LIVING ON PUBLIC ASSISTANCE". --- CICERO, 55 BC
Jill walked up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket. "Where to?" Asked the smiling ticket agent. Jill rolled her eyes and said, "Duuuuuh, back here!"
After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asked, "Are these time release pills?" The pharmacist replied, "Yes. They begin to work just as soon as your check clears!"
The boss went up to the bartender and asked, "Have you been fooling around with the waitress?!" "Oh no, sir, I sure haven't" replied the bartender. The boss replied, "Good, then YOU fire her!"
Thanks to Sandie for sending this:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to A Sicilian man Man opts for jail over New Year with relatives Fri Jan 1, 2010 10:53am EST ROME (Reuters) - A Sicilian man stole sweets and a packet of chewing gum so he could get arrested and spend New Year's Eve in a jail cell rather than be with his wife and relatives, Italian media reported on Friday. The 35-year old Sicilian first showed up at a police station on Thursday asking to be arrested because he preferred spending the night in prison rather than with his family, but was rebuffed because he had not committed a crime, the Agi news agency said. The man immediately went to a tobacco shop next door, where he threatened the owner with a box cutter as he grabbed a few sweets and a packet of gum. He then waited until police arrived to arrest him for robbery, the news agency said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Earl Re:Fried video Hi Webby, Sure enjoy your newsletter and tek tips. A few days ago I hooked my old computer up to my 22 inch HDTV and monitor and as it was booting up everything was blurry, then I heard a weard sound and the monitor said no signal, now it won't do anything and the same message is displayed. Could this be a Mother board problem? or what else could it be? Is there anyway to reset it?. It's an e-machine I have had several years with XP build 2. I was using it as a backup and was wondering if it is worth fooling with or just take out the hard drive and take files off the hard drive. Thanks for any advice you can give me. Earl Dear Earl eMachines typically just have a chip on the board instead of a replaceable video card. Luckily motherboards are fairly cheap these days, just a nuisance to swap all the wiring from the old board to the new board. It is not difficult at all, but best delegated to a kid with good eye sight. The writing on the board is too small for most grown-ups. You might add a dedicated video card at the same time, so that the next TV monitor mishap won't blow the motherboard. Some video cards are made for different types of TV monitors, and some even have inputs for CCTV (surveillance cameras) and translate the analog signal to digital for use by the computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
Robert, age eight, was the son of strict Presbyterian parents. He was very, very good, worked hard at school, did his chores, and was generally helpful and obedient. But one morning, for some reason, he came down to breakfast in a very nasty mood. When his mother served him prunes, he snarled, "I don't want prunes," and he refused to eat them. His parents were aghast, and his father said, "Robert, you know that Lord commanded children to honor and obey their parents, and He will punish those who do not." But Robert still refused and was angrily sent back to bed, and the prunes were put in the refrigerator. A few minutes later, a terrible thunderstorm came up with great roars of thunder and flashes of lightning. "Ah, wonderful," said Robert's mother, "this will teach him a lesson." To their great surprise though, Robert came to the top of the stairs and called down: "Sounds like God doesn't want you to make such a fuss about some silly prunes!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Second Hand Appliances We sold our 3 bedroom home and moved into what is known as a 2 bedroom apartment home. We sold all our appliances with the house because we just didn't want to move them. I've spent over $200.00 + at the complex laundromat for 11 months. I was getting tired of the washers and dryers breaking down. And I only did my wash once a week. All the apartments have a space for a washer and dryer. We had to buy an electric dryer because they don't provide the gas connection. And we can't make any modifications to the apartment according to our lease agreement. We purchased a used 3-year old matching Kenmore Washer and dryer for $375.00 + $40.00 delivery charge. Kenmore Washer (large capacity) - $200 Kenmore Dryer (large capacity) - $175 The used appliance store gave us a 90 day warranty. You sure can't beat the price of $415.00. Now is that being frugal or what? By MCW from Lewiston, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams. "I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream." "I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life." His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you had two women, and you didn't call me?" "Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, you'd gone fishing."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh replied: "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup Play-Offs. I put my foot through the television."

» Lotus Flower
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Internet caused shaking 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, January 2, 2010

Recap of last year:
Most ridiculous lawsuits of 2009


My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. --- Ronnie Shakes Wealth is not a matter of intelligence; it's a matter of inspiration. --- Jim Rohn
A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes says to his friend,"I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from making me go visit my weird aunt Helen with them."
While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the man left his hat on the bench, but didn't miss it until they were back on the freeway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The woman fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant, that they would be late getting to their destination, etc. She called her husband every bad name she could think of. When they finally arrived at the restaurant, as the man got out of the car to retrieve his hat, the woman yelled to him, "While you're in there, you might as well get my purse, too."
David and an Italian and an Irishman, all first time fathers, are pacing nervously in a maternity ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding up a newborn black baby. "Yours?" she asked the Italian man, who immediately curses her out in Italian and says "No! notta my kid!" "Yours?" The nurse asks the Irishman, who answers "It blodie will betta not be!" "OK, then it must be yours", she informs David, who sheepishly looks at the ground and mumbles "It must be, my wife burns everything!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a truck thief in Tacoma, Washington Called 911 because stolen truck ran out of gas RENTON, Wash. – A Tacoma man called 911 to report the truck he had just stolen had run out of gas. But not only was he arrested, he learned not all vehicles run on the same type of fuel. The Washington State Patrol says at about 12:30 p.m. Monday, a City Transfer employee headed south on State Route 167 spotted the silver 1985 Chevy truck that was stolen from their yard earlier that day. Someone was seen in the truck as it sat, disabled, on the shoulder in Renton. Minutes later, and before troopers arrived, the suspect called 911 to report the vehicle had run out of gas. When troopers got there, they say the suspect tried to disguise himself as a City Transfer worker by wearing a fluorescent green reflector vest he found in the truck. A City transfer worker identified the suspect as the person who stole the truck. The suspect was arrested and booked into the King County Jail. As it turns out, the truck did not run out of gas. The suspect apparently didn't realize that the truck took diesel. He topped it off with gasoline and it became disabled.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: Internet caused shaking Dear Webby Thank you for all the computer information. Love your letter. My question is why does a computer like shake when on the internet? I read where a computer should be reformated every three years is this so? Thanking you in advance. Shirley Dear Shirley So far I have not heard about Internet shaking yet. Usually the reasons for formatting and re-installing everything is to get rid of all the utilities and fake speeder-upper programs that you had fallen for, and also all other accumulated junk, that would be too tedious to weed out. Another reason for formatting is when somebody doesn't have a good defragmenter like DisKeeper, and the computer is slowing down, because most files are in fragments here and there. Formatting and re-installing everything brings the computer up to exactly the same speed as it had the day you bought it. Have FUN! DearWebby
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied, "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Browse eBay for Unwanted Gift Certificates After Christmas is a great time to browse ebay for gift certificates. You can get them for considerably less most of the time. People get these gift cards and don't want them, and would rather have the cash. Therefore you get more bang for your buck, by bidding for them on online auctions, such as eBay. Source: Something I discovered while searching eBay. By Karen from Union, SC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

I was just visiting some friends who have a farm. I was watching this one rooster chasing after this hen, when the friend's wife came out to feed them. The rooster stopped chasing the hen at once and ran over to begin eating. I just stood there thinking to myself, "I hope I never get THAT hungry."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Poor Ole was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept telling him the chickens had the right to go where they wanted. But the birds were ruining Ole's prize-winning flowerbeds. Two weeks later, a friend visited Ole and noticed his flowerbeds were doing great. The flowers were even beginning to bloom! The friend asked, "How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?" Ole replied, "Easy! One night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. He put up a fence before noon."

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Laptop earphone jack problems 



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Good Morning,  !
Happy New Year!

It's Friday, January 1, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



The more memorable the New Years Eve party, the harder it is to remember to use the correct number of the new year.
Then the preacher introduced the choir: "This is our prison choir," he said, "behind a few bars and always looking for the key."
Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that the elders of our church gave it to him last night."
A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested to the drunk to prove he wasn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor. As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy on the floor doing push-ups. He looks at him for a minute and then nudges him in the ribs saying, "Fella, I think your girl friend has gone home."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gregory J. Oras, 37, of Oldsmar, Florida Called 911 for a ride to another bar OLDSMAR, Fla. (AP) - Authorities say a Florida man who called 911 claiming he'd been beaten and shot at was hoping the tale would get him a ride to a bar. Instead, 37-year-old Gregory J. Oras is facing charges of misusing the 911 system and battery of a law enforcement officer. An arrest report says Oras called 911 three times before his arrest early Tuesday in Oldsmar, northwest of Tampa. He told the dispatcher he had a broken nose and bleeding ears, and claimed people were shooting at him. Authorities say he was actually looking for a ride to another bar. The report also says Oras kicked a Pinellas County sheriff's deputy in the knees and a Taser had to be used to subdue him. Online records show he is being held at the Pinellas County Jail
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Laptop headphone jack Dear Webby, I have no sound (I wrote you about it before and it was just what you thought. Where my headphones were plugged in, caused the problem.) Of course it is connected to the Motherboard. Dell said for $449 they would send me a new computer since my laptop is a 2004. They will put Windows XP for me but they wanted $85 for Powerpoint. I can get that free, I believe so told them no on that. Is it best to go to your tools and download power point from there when my computer comes? Thanks again for letting me "bug" you! I have certainly appreciated your help in 2009 and know I will in 2010. Happy New Year to you!!! Carolyn Dear Carolyn That headphone socket, that is soldered onto the board, just needs some tweaking with tweezers. It has some little "feelers", little flat springs. They just need to be bent inwards a little bit, and the sound will be fine again until the next time you have sex on the desk. Ahem, I mean until next time you accidentally drop the bible onto that corner of the laptop. If you do buy a new laptop, keep in mind that in the low price ranges the screens are sawed off! The yuppies just need them as status symbols, like their fake $19.95 Roleggs, and they don't care if the screen is sawed off. Most of them hardly know how to use them anyway, they just need something to carry around for show. If you are used to a proper 4:3 screen, you will NOT be amused or satisfied with a sawed off screen! (Wide Screen) To test your bullshit-tolerance, put some wide duck tape or masking tape over the bottom third of your monitor. If you tear that tape off in less than an hour, don't buy anything with "Wide Screen" written on it. I and a few other people have been bitching about the sappy wide screen BS for years, and they are reluctantly re-introducing high resolution screens. They are still pricey, but they ARE available again now. We will not have to wait until astronauts walk on the moon again. It would be to your advantage to stroke those little feelers a bit, and make your current laptop last another year, until the prices for high resolution screens come down again. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He was surprised to see God Himself at the Pearly Gates, but God explained that this was St. Peter's day off, and that He, God would check him in and show him around. Well, Heaven turned out to be everything the man had always been told: angles flying around, playing harps, reading, and just enjoying the things they had on earth. There were also pets there, and they were right by their earthly masters. Presently, God and the man arrive at a section of cubicles, and in each of these cubicles, there resides one person. "What's this section Lord?" the man asks. "Oh this is the section for those people who think they're the only ones up here!" the Lord answers.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plant a Tree for Each Grandchild We planted a tree as each of our grandchildren was born. We took a picture of the child along with the tree as it was being planted. We planted a Red Maple for our oldest grandson. Thirteen years later, it is a beautiful sight, especially in the fall. Our grandchildren range in age from 6 to 13 and I love to watch the trees grow as they do. By Tammie from Moody, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

This guy says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what happened last night." His buddy says, "Well then, tell me what happened." The guy says, "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch." She said, "Can I stay here for a few days?" So I said, "Of course, you can there," and shut the door."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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Little Johnny's dad was a farmer in a poor district of the country. One day his Uncle Festus came to visit. Since there were limited accommodations, he was required to sleep with his young nephew, Little Johnny. When Uncle Festus came into the bedroom, he saw the Little Johnny kneeling at the far side of the bed with his head bowed. Thinking this was the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed. Little Johnny looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?" "Why, the same thing you're doing", replied Uncle Festus. "Ma's gonna be mad", said Little Johnny. "The potty is on this side...."

» New Year Around the World
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