Semi-transparent background 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, January 31.

I just finished a new site for the Griffiths Senior Center
here in Black Diamond and they invited me to come over and 
join their Floor Curling, and hopefuly take some pictures.
Well, at -22 cameras chill off and pictures get a bluish
tinge, so for today I just walked without any camera, just
to see what is going on.

I expected half a dozen octogenarians shuffling around, and 
was quite surprised. There were about 60 very lively people
between 50 and 90, and before I knew it, I had been drafted
to fill in on a team. Since I had never competed or even 
played Floor Curling, they graciously allowed me six practise 
shots. I blew them all. My aim was exellent, but unlike
bowling, you don't put much force into a shot. 

Halfway through the game I learned to just gently slide the
stone and we did win, just barely. That's how good the rest
of the team were!

I'll take some pictures next Wednesday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The gods too are fond of a joke. --- Aristotle I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he says to St. Peter , "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes?" St. Peter said, "That's a question only God can answer". So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, "God, please ~ I must know. Am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?" God simply replied "You are what you are." The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked, "Well, did God answer your question?" The zebra looked puzzled. "No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.'" St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, "Well then, that answers it ~ you are a white horse with black stripes." The zebra asked, "How do you know that?" "Because," said St. Peter, "If you were a black horse with white stripes, God would have said, "Yo is what yo is."
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" Well, the mother did not really want to get into a deep discussion about innocence and virginity, especially since this was the fourth wedding of the bride, so she fibbed: "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is one of the happiest days of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "Mom, why is the groom wearing black?"
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Click on the picture for the large version Super Soaker in North Curl Curl, Sindey, Australia
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Laura Morgan, 48, Chatanooga, Tennessee Wheelchair Bound Prostitute Beats Boyfriend To Death With Crowbar For Drug Money Reported by The Weekly Vice Laura Morgan, a 48-year-old wheelchair bound prostitute, allegedly beat her 73-year-old boyfriend to death with a crowbar for drug money. According to Chattanooga police, officers were dispatched to the victim's residence after Morgan called 911 to report that she had struck her boyfriend in the head with a crowbar. When officers arrived on the scene, they found 73-year-old James Masingill dead on the floor with obvious head trauma. During a police interview, Morgan stated that she struck the victim in the head, took $200 from his wallet and used it to purchase crack cocaine. She then returned to the residence and called 911. Morgan, whose previous arrests include prostitution, had both legs amputated due to an illness. Neighbors say Morgan was known as the "neighborhood prostitute" and it was well known that she was addicted to crack cocaine, and a fugitive. They said Masingill took her in and tried to help her, however the relationship became strained over time. Morgan was booked into jail and charged with first-degree murder and aggravated battery. Court records show that Morgan has an extensive criminal past, including charges of prostitution and theft. She was also known for being a fugitive. Tech Support Pits From: Clara Re: Semi-transparent background Dear Webby I have a page background, that varies in brighness, making text difficult to read. I need to overlay that with a semi-transparent black div to give the text more contrast. How do I do that? Clara Dear Clara Keep in mind that the semi-transparent div background will OVERlay your text! It will be readable, but not sharp. I am leaving off the Smaller-than sign at thestart and the Lager-than sign at the end, to make sure your email program does not execute that. div style="background-color:black; opacity:0.6; filter:alpha(opacity=60);" The first line is for standard browsers, the filter:alpha is for Internet Explorer. It works, but is not a good solution. A table with a solid background or a reasonably uniformly bright or dark picture background gives you better readability, even though it does not look as geeky. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cardboard Tubes for Tongs My wife has several sets of kitchen tongs she uses occasionally while preparing meals. They are usually tangled with each other and once in a while I will see one of the pairs sailing across the kitchen. My solution was to grab a couple empty TP cardboard tubes and slide the tongs inside. Because the tubes are cardboard and the tongs metal, I covered the tubes with clear shipping tape to make them last longer. Since then I have used the empty tubes for extension cords up to 9', spare cables, and computer cords. The list is endless. By John from Midland, MI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

>Thanks to Billie for this story: A few years ago I went to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that enough Germans would speak English so that I could at least get around. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I just nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German. "No," I confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train going in the wrong direction."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."
» Word Games


Today, Jan 28, in 
0876 Charles becomes king of Italy
1578 Battle of Gembloers
1627 Spanish government goes bankrupt
1696 Revolt of undertakers after funeral reforms (Amsterdam)
1779 Charles Messier adds M57 (Ring Nebula in Lyra) to his catalog
1851 Gail Borden announces invention of evaporated milk
1855 Western railroads blocked by snow
1862 Telescope maker Alvin Clark discovers dwarf companion of Sirius
1865 Congress passes 13th Amendment, abolishing slavery in America (121-24)
1871 Millions of birds fly over western San Francisco, darken the sky
1874 Jesse James gang robs train at Gads Hill MO
1905 1st auto to exceed 100 mph (161 kph), A G MacDonald, Daytona Beach
1906 Strongest instrumentally recorded earthquake, Colombia, 8.6 Richter
1911 Congress names San Francisco as Panamá Canal opening celebration site
1915 1st (German) poison gas attack, against Russians
1928 Scotch tape 1st marketed by 3-M Company
1929 Leon Trotsky expelled from Russia to Turkey
1930 1st US glider flight from a dirigible, Lakehurst New Jersey
1932 US railway unions accept 10% wage reduction
1933 Hitler promises parliamentary democracy
1934 FDR devalues the dollar in relation to gold at $35 per ounce
1940 40 U boats sunk this month (111,000 ton)
1941 21 U boats sunk this month (127,000 ton)
1942 62 U boats sunk this month (327,000 ton)
1943 39 U boats sunk this month (203,100 ton)
1943 Chile breaks contact with Germany & Japan
1943 General Friedrich von Paul surrenders to Russian 
   troops at Stalingrad
1944 U-592 sunk off Ireland
1948 Magnetic tape recorder developed by Wireway
1950 President Truman reveals that he ordered the Atomic 
   Energy Commission to develop the hydrogen bomb
1953 "Princess Victoria" capsized off Stanraer Scotland; 133 die
1955 RCA demonstrates 1st music synthesizer
1957 Liz Taylor's 2nd divorce (Michael Wilding)
1957 Trans-Iranian oil pipe line finished
1958 US launches their 1st artificial satellite, Explorer 1
1961 Ham is 1st primate in space (158 miles) aboard Mercury/Redstone 2
1961 USAF launches Samos spy satellite to replace U-2 flights
1968 Viet Cong's Tet offensive begins
1974 McDonald's founder Ray Kroc buys San Diego Padres
1978 Israel turns 3 military outposts in West Bank into civilian settlements
1980 Police storm occupied Spanish embassy in Guatemala City, killing 41
1990 1st McDonald's in Russia opens in Moscow, world's biggest McDonald's
1994 Barcelona opera theater "Gran Teatro del Liceo" burns down 
2013  smiled


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What to do when camera monitor goes dark? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, January 30.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. --- Rita Rudner Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. --- Walter Lippmann The highest reward for man's toil is not what he gets for it, but what he becomes by it. --- John Ruskin (1819 - 1900)
Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged. Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit. Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all col- lapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apart- ment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!" As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?" "Sure," he replied. "Did you run into any problems?" "No." "Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!" Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said, "Geez, you idiots! The legs unscrew!"
In one of the restrooms at City hall I saw this neatly printed sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers. It read, "Please push button and listen to a short message from the President."
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Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tina Rucker, 42, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina Jailed After Strangling Boyfriend Because He Hogged Too Much Blanket Reported by The Weekly Vice Tina Berryhill Rucker, a 42-year-old Myrtle Beach woman, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly tried to strangle her live-in boyfriend because he was "hogging too much of the blanket". According to Myrtle Beach Police, officers were dispatched to the couple's residence around 11 p.m. after 911 operators received a complaint alleging domestic violence. When officers arrived on the scene, a man living at the residence told them that Rucker attacked and tried to choke him while they were in bed together. He explained that she became enraged when he unintentionally pulled too much of the blanket over to his side of the bed. Officers observed red marks, scratches and bleeding on the victim's neck, according to the arrest report. Investigators also noted that Rucker was intoxicated and became belligerent with officers when they placed her into custody. Rucker was booked into jail and charged with criminal domestic violence. She is currently being held without bond. Tech Support Pits From: Nancy Re: Camera Screen Goes Dark Dear Webby My digital camera screen goes dark or does not work in daylight outside, but works fine inside the house. Is there a setting for outside, to make it brighter? Nancy Dear Nancy Some of the better cameras have a monitor brihtness setting, but by default, that is always set to the brightest possible setting. It's not the camera, it's your eyes that adjust to the bright light outside. Compared to that, the screen appears black. You can get cheap glare shield funnels, or make one, but they are very klutzy and bulky. Professional fotographers have used a black cape to flip over the head and the camera for 200 years. They are still the best solution if your camera does not have a true through the lens optical viewfinder in addition to the screen. You don't need a lined velvet cape like the old time photographers needed to change plates. The thinnest silk you can find is best, so that you can fold it up small and stick it into one of those film containers that clip onto the camera strap. Your "cape" does not have to be as large as traditional ones. It just has to cover your head and the camera. I have seen photographers with small shoulder capes, just slightly larger than the soulder piece, that you would see on a sailor's uniform, that they could fip over their head by bending over and pointing their back to the wind. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rubber Band To Keep Cut Apples Fresh Recycle the Heat From Your Oven If we have been using the oven during the winter or cooler months, we leave the oven door open after baking. The heat is turned off of course but my goodness, all the heat you can "recycle" by simply leaving the oven door open for a few minutes. I refer to it as "recycled heat" because we've just paid for it to cook/bake with and now we can use it for additional warmth to the kitchen area. You don't want to do this during the summer or hotter months because it will make your kitchen even hotter. However, during the cold winter months, it sure feels good to feel it rolling out of the oven. By Marsha from Greenville, NC The stove has small vents at the top and back to let the heat out. It does not stay in there until you bake again a week later, if you keep the door closed. Normally it is better to let the oven and the elements cool off slowly. They will last longer. You still get the same amount of heating for your kitchen, just slower. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
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A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck" he said with admiration. "Thanks" the little girl said. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster." The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he googles and sure enough, there's a site for "Gorilla Removers" in his area. He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do", the homeowner asks? "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"
» Sky Dogs


Today, Jan 28, in 
1349 Jews of Freilsburg Germany are massacred
1487 Bell chimes invented
1647 Scots agree to sell King Charles I to English Parliament 
  for £400,
1774 Captain Cook reaches 71º 10' S, 1820 km from S pole
1790 Lifeboat 1st tested at sea, by Mr Greathead, the inventor
1800 US population 5,308,483; Black population 1,002,037 (18.9%)
1835 Richard Lawrence misfires at President Andrew Jackson
1847 Yerba Buena renamed San Francisco
1862 US Navy's 1st ironclad warship (Monitor) launched
1889 John Herschel uses camera obscura to photograph 48" 
   (120cm) telescope
1894 Pneumatic hammer patented by Charles King of Detroit
1894 US flag fired on in Rio; prompt satisfaction exacted 
   by Admiral Benham
1895 SS Elbe sinks after collision in North Sea, 332 killed
1911 1st rescue of an air passenger by a ship, near Havana, Cuba
1913 House of Lords rejects Irish Home Rule Bill
1915 German submarine attack on Le Havre
1917 1st jazz record recorded (Dark Town Strutters Ball)
1925 Turkish government throws out Constantine VI of Constantinople
1928 1st radio telephone connection between Netherlands & US
1933 "The Lone Ranger" premieres on ABC radio
1933 German President von Hindenburg appoints Hitler chancellor, 
   Hitler forms government with Von Papen
1934 Hitler proclamation on German unified states
1937 2nd of Stalin's purge trials; Pyatakov & 16 others 
  sentenced to death
1941 Australian troops conquer Derna Libya
1942 Japanese troops land on Ambon
1943 6 British Mosquito's daylight bomb Berlin
1943 German assault on French in Tunisia
1943 USS Chicago sinks in Pacific Ocean
1944 US invades Majuro, Marshall Islands
1945 Unarmed German ship "Wilhelm Gustloff" torpedoed off 
  Danzig by Soviet sub-c 7,700 die
1951 Belgium refuses to allow communists to make speeches 
  on radio
1954 Belgium ends trade agreement with USSR
1956 Martin Luther King Jr's home bombed
1956 Elvis Presley records his version of "Blue Suede Shoes"
1958 1st 2-way moving sidewalk in service, Dallas TX
1960 CIA oks Lockheed to produce a new U-2 aircraft (Oxcart)
1962 UN General Assembly censures Portugal (because of Angola)
1964 Ranger 6 launched; makes perfect flight to Moon, but cameras fail
1966 -27ºF (-33ºC), New Market AL (state record)
1968 Vietcong launch Tet-offensive on US embassy in Saigon
1969 US/Canada ISIS 1 launched to study ionosphere
1972 Pakistan withdraws from the Commonwealth
1972 Bloody Sunday British soldiers shoot on catholics in 
  Londonderry, 13 die
1976 George Bush becomes 11th director of CIA (until 1977)
1979 Rhodesia agrees to new constitution
1989 Olympian, Bruce Kimball, is sentenced to 17 years in prison for 
  killing 2 teenagers in a drunk driving accident
1989 5 pharoah sculptures from 1470 BC found at temple of Luxor
1995 Car bomb explodes in Algiers, 42 killed/296 injured
1997 Minuteman III launches
1998 Paul Simon's "The Capeman" premieres 
2013  smiled


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PPT to Exe 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, January 29.




Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

People find life entirely too time-consuming. --- Stanislaw J. Lec "The free-lance writer is the person who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps." --- Robert Benchley
woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other redneck starts to panic, then whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He frantically blurts out to the operator, "O my gawd! Help! My friend just died. He's Dead! What can I do?" The operator, trying to calm him says, "Take it easy. I can help. Just listen to me and follow my instructions. First, lets make sure he's really dead." There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun shot. The redneck comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?"
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint... my... house."
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Thanks to Jim for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version just to share ... have a great week! Jim
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Samantha Kurdilla, 22, Washington, Pennsylvania Jailed After texting "Smuggling Cocaine & Heroin In My Coochie" Reported by The Smoking Gun The 22-year-old was walking back into the United States last week from Tijuana, Mexico when a drug detection dog “alerted to a narcotic odor” emanating from her “groin area.” Kurdilla was walking arm-in-arm with James Perry, who announced, “I’m not with her” when the canine signaled interest in his female companion. Detained at a “pedestrian crossing facility” by Customs and Border Protection agents, Kurdilla was asked if she was “bringing anything from Mexico.” In response, the Pennsylvania resident “gave two negative declarations,” according to a January 18 probable cause statement. Claiming that she was returning to a Best Western hotel in San Diego, Kurdilla (seen above) told investigators that she had been partying with Perry, 44, in Tijuana, where they had been smoking marijuana. Despite Kurdilla’s denials, federal agents later determined that she had a condom filled with 100 grams of cocaine “within her vaginal cavity.” After being read her rights, Kurdilla admitted to drug smuggling “in exchange for compensation,” adding that the cocaine--worth several thousand dollars--belonged to Perry. When he was questioned, Perry reportedly confessed to the smuggling attempt, saying that he directed Kurdilla to hide the narcotics in her vagina so that he could resell the cocaine in the U.S.. In addition to the confessions, federal agents retrieved some particularly damning evidence during a search of Kurdilla’s cell phone. Text messages sent to an unknown individual left little doubt as to what Kurdilla was doing south of the border. “I’m smuggling cocaine and heroin in my coochie,” Kurdilla had written. No way to claim she did not know what she was doing. Kurdilla and Perry are scheduled for separate court appearances Thursday in U.S. District Court in San Diego. Tech Support Pits From: Jackie Re: PPT to Exe ? Dear Webby I was told yesterday that I could convert Power Point presentations to EXE. For some reason the 2003 free Power Point opener from Microsoft won't open presentations anymore. I Googled and found a few tips but do you know an easy way? Thanks! Jackie Dear Jackie Don't bother with converting PPS to exe, unless it is for your own in-house use only. Most virus and spam controls won't allow .exe files through any more. As for your 2003 PPS viewer, just un-install it. It probably got infected with soemthing nasty. Do a good virus scan and after cleaning up, download a new viewer. Nowadays there are many PPT and PPS viewers available. Open Office, for example, has a PPS viewer / composer included. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rubber Band To Keep Cut Apples Fresh A cut apple that is held together with a rubberband to keep from browning. After cutting an apple, put it back together with an elastic band. This will keep it from going brown in lunches. By coville123 from brockville, ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A young boy came to Sunday School late one day. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy said, "No, there is nothing wrong. I was just going to go fishing, but my dad told me that I needed to go to church." The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. And the boy said, "Yes he did, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young man goes to the pet store, looks around, sees a dog he likes somewhat, and asks the manager for help. "I like this breed, but this one's legs are too short" he says to the clerk. And the clerk says, "What do you mean, 'Too short'? They reach the floor, don't they?"
» Rays... the wet variety


Today, Jan 28, in 
1523 Sermon of Constanz Zwingli defends 67 Schlussreden
1613 Galileo observes Neptune but fails to recognize what 
  he sees
1834 President Jackson orders 1st use of US troops to suppress a labor dispute
1861 Kansas becomes 34th state
1863 Battle at Bear River WA US Army vs Indians
1886 1st successful gasoline-driven car patented, Karl Benz
1896 Emile Grubbe is 1st doctor to use radiation treatment 
   for breast cancer
1900 Boers under Joubert beat English at Spionkop Natal, 
   2,000 killed
1916 1st bombings of Paris by German Zeppelins takes place
1917 English submarine K13 leaves Gaire Loch
1919 Secretary of state proclaims the 18th amendment 
   (prohibition)
1921 Hurricane hits Washington & Oregon
1923 1st flight of the autogiro (Juan de la Cierva, Madrid Spain)
1924 Ice cream cone rolling machine patented by Carl Taylor, Cleveland
1929 Seeing Eye Guide Dog Organization forms
1942 German & Italian troops occupy Benghazi
1943 New Zealand's Kiwi cruiser collides with Japanese sub 
   I-1 at Guadalcanal
1964 Unmanned Apollo 1 Saturn launcher test attains Earth orbit
1979 President Carter commuted Patricia Hearst's 7 year 
   sentence to 2 years
1980 6 Iranian held US hostages escape with help of the Canadians
1988 United Airlines Boeing 747SP, circles world in 36 hours 
1989 USSR's Phobos II enters Martian orbit
1991 Battle for Khafji in Saudi Arabia (begins)
1998 Thick Fog causes highway carnage in Belgium & Netherlands, 6 die
1998 Woman's Clinic in Birmingham AL bombed, 1 killed 
2013  smiled


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Sound recorder 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, January 28.

Thank you, John McC !
Thank you, Cookie !

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right. --- Albert Guinon
>Thanks to Dianne for this one: A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass." The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
President Calvin Coolidge, 30th U.S. president (1923 to 1929) was a man of very few words. One Sunday he went to church, but his wife, Grace, stayed home. When he returned, she asked, "Was the sermon good?" "Yup," was Coolidge's brief reply. "What was it about?" Grace asked. "Sin." "And what did the minister say?" "Seems to be against it."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Russell Kent Gordon, 44, Portland, Oregon Jailed After Using Spy Pen To Record Woman Using Breast Pump Reported by The Weekly Vice Russell Kent Gordon, a 44-year-old Portland bonehead, was jailed after he allegedly hid a pen camera on a female co-worker's desk so he could record her using a breast pump. According to the Portland Police Department, Gordon reportedly entered a co-worker's office and hid a pen-style spy camera on her desk to capture recordings of her as she used a breast pump. The woman reportedly found the camera and turned it over to her supervisors. Gordon was fired January 15th after he was recorded placing the camera on the woman's desk. Gordon was booked into the Multnomah County Jail and charged with burglary and invasion of privacy. He was released on his own recognizance. Tech Support Pits From: Gary Re: Sound recorder Dear Webby Was reading the humour letter today and thought I'd send you a link for your readers. this is a great little - simple like falling off a log digital audio workstation (recording program). I have been using it for years and it's still free. It's also possibly the most stable and easiest program I have ever used. Just plug into the Aux In and away you go. They don't make it for Mac so I had to spend $700 on Pro Tools, LOL. If anyone needs, you can certainly give out my e-mail address and I can answer questions on how to get the most out of it… Cheers and have a great week, It is at http://www.kreatives.org/kristal/ Gary Dear Gary Thanks for that link! Now anybody, who can string a microphone into the shower, can easily produce better music, than what all the silly Hollywiood favorite screechers foist upon us. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Go Barefoot Whenever Possible I agree with all the comments that said to buy decent, well-fitting shoes instead of cheap ones but sometimes this is really not possible. Forty years back after buying the children properly fitting shoes, there was usually only enough money left for jumble sale shoes for me. My solution was to go barefoot whenever possible. It helps to control the damage done by second hand shoes that don't 'quite' fit! And when the kids grow up and living gets easier, oh, the pleasure of buying new shoes! By Marg from England Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Chicken council says Super Bowl covered WASHINGTON (UPI) -- The National Chicken Council in Washington said rumors of a chicken wing shortage ahead of the Super Bowl are unfounded. Bill Roenigk, chief economist and market analyst for the National Chicken Council, said this week in the 2013 "Wing Report" that Super Bowl watchers shouldn't have too much trouble finding chicken wings to enjoy along with the Feb. 3 showdown between the San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens, Tribune Newspapers reported Friday. "The good news for consumers is that restaurants plan well in advance to ensure they have plenty of wings for the big game," Roenigk wrote. However, Roenigk cautioned wing-lovers not to wait until the last minute. "If you're planning to cook your own wings, I wouldn't advise being in line at the supermarket two hours before kickoff," he wrote. The report said U.S. consumers are expected to eat 1.23 billion chicken wing "portions" during Super Bowl weekend. "To put that in perspective," the report said, if 1.23 billion wing segments were laid end to end, they would stretch from Candlestick Park in San Francisco to M&T Bank Stadium in Baltimore ... 27 times.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a goodnight story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek and his. Finally she spoke. "Grampa, did God make you?" "Yes, Lucy" he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh" she said, then "Grampa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed Lucy" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago." "Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"
» Sweet Sachets


Today, Jan 28, in 
1099 1st Crusaders begin siege of Hosn-el-Akrad Syria
1393 Fire during Royal Ball at Paris, 4 die (Ball of the Ardents)
1495 Pope gives his son Cesare Borgia as hostage to 
   Charles VIII of France
1547 9-year-old Edward VI succeeds Henry VIII as king of England
1561 By Edict of Orleans persecution of French Huguenots is 
   suspended
1613 Galileo may have unknowingly viewed undiscovered planet Neptune
1807 London's Pall Mall is 1st street lit by gaslight
1846 Battle of Allwal, Brits beat Sikhs in Punjab (India)
1871 Paris surrenders to Prussians
1878 1st telephone exchange (New Haven CT)
1878 George W Coy hired as 1st full-time telephone operator
1909 US military forces leave Cuba for 2nd time
1916 German colony of Cameroon surrenders to Britain & France
1918 Bomb Strike on Berlin ammunitions factory
1918 Trotsky becomes leader of Reds
1932 Japan occupies Shanghai
1934 1st US ski tow (rope) begins operation (Woodstock VT)
1935 Iceland becomes 1st country to legalize abortion
1942 General Timoshenko's troops move into Ukraine
1942 German troops occupy Benghazi Libya
1944 683 British bombers attack Berlin
1944 U-271 & U-571 sunk off Ireland
1945 General "Vinegar Joe" Stillwell & truck convoy reopen 
   Burma Road to China
1945 Dutch airplanes dump pamphlets on Java
1945 Swedish ships bring food to starving Netherlands
1949 UN Security council condemns Dutch aggression in Indonesia
1958 Construction began on 1st private thorium-uranium 
   nuclear reactor
1960 1st photograph bounced off Moon, Washington DC
1986 25th Space Shuttle (51L)-Challenger 10 explodes 73 
   seconds after liftoff
1988 Canada's Supreme court declares anti-abortion law 
   unconstitutional
1998 Michelangelo's "Christ & the Woman of Samaria", sold for $7.4 million
2013  smiled


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Copy music from tape to CD 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, January 27.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric. --- Pam Brown "A new study says that obese people can lose weight if they walk 12 miles per week. As a result Applebee's is intro- ducing a new 12 mile long buffet." ---Conan O'Brien
Judge: "You say you're petitioning for a legal name change?" Leon: "Yes, your honor." Judge: (looking at petition) "I can see why, your nane is Mr... Leon Shitferbrains, is it?" Leon: "Yes, your honor." Judge: "And what do you want to change your name to, Mr. Shitferbrains?" Leon: " Melvin, your honor."
THESE ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS: Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle. When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
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Thanks to Jim for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Possible caption: "What bird-proof cap?" In our backyard Friday, AM (Central FL, east coast) I enjoy your humor letter immensely. Keep up the good work! Jim
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jennalin Garcia-Calle, 28, in Plainfield, NJ NJ Teacher Arrested In Florida For Sex With Underage Student Reported by Subscriber Sailor A New Jersey school teacher was arrested in Florida this week for allegedly having sex with her 16-year-old male student in NJ. 28-year-old Jennalin Garcia-Calle, who teaches algebra at Plainfield High School in NJ, is accused of starting a sexual relationship with her student in December, and prosecutors say at least three encounters occurred in her classroom. The student reportedly told a family member about the relationship, and they alerted the authorities. Friends say the student bragged to them about the relationship as well. Prosecutors say Garcia-Calle knew she was being investigated, and flew to Florida earlier this week. U.S. Marshalls caught up with her on Thursday and arrested her. She is expected to return to New Jersey this week, where she may be charged with second-degree sexual assault and fourth-degree child abuse. "She made calls to him to destroy certain evidence. And we knew that she knew” authorities were looking for her, Romankow told the Star Ledger. The school board has placed her on administrative suspension. Florida is obviously not far enough away to get away with it. Cuba or Panama were close, but a bit further than she went. Tech Support Pits From: Jessie Re: Tape to CD Dear Webby I get a lot of good tips from you. Thank you. Can you tell me if there is a way to record from a Cassette to a CD? I have an Iomega Super DVD/CD burner that I can record from my camcorder to, but haven't figured out the cassette. Thanks for any help. Jessie Dear Jessie Yes, sure there is a way. Connect a cable with male 1/8" headphone plugs on each end from the headphone socket on your tape player to the AUX-IN or the microphone socket on your computer, then record it with any sound recording software. The AUX-IN socket is the one that has neither a headphone nor a microphone symbol, but something weird and incomprehensible. Most sound cards come with some basic sound recording software, and you can find lots more with google. Windows Sound Recorder works quite fine too. Recording quality is the same. The difference between different recording software is usually in how easy or complicated it is to splice and edit. Almost all of them are either free or have a free trial period. Just try a bunch of them and find the one that suits you the best. Some of the not-free programs even have fancy scratch and static filters. Save the music in MP3 format, so that you can play it in Audio CD and MP3 players. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crib Mattress As Dog Bed If you're tired of having to replace your large dog's bed and spending a lot of money, I suggest you buy a baby crib mattress and a plastic zippered mattress cover. Put a crib sheet over it and you're set, clean up is a breeze and you'll never need another dog bed. By Gloria Z from Hoffman Estates, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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While waiting in line at a busy airport check-in counter, I noticed a set of rambunctious little boys in front of me. As the line inched along, their mother tried in vain to get them to calm down. Finally she reached the counter, where the ticket agent asked her, "Have any of the items you plan to take with you on this flight been out of your immediate control since your arrival at the airport?" The young mother replied honestly, "The luggage, no; the brats, yes."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Bible Brain Twister By John Kezer I once made a remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lulu, kept people looking so hard for facts, and for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the books are not capitalized, but the truth finally struck home to numbers of readers. To others, it was a real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you. Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a minister to find one of the 17, and there will be loud lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax now, for there really are the names of 17 books of the Bible in these sentences. See how many books of the bible you can find in the text above. Answer Below: Bible Brain Twister By [John] Kezer I once made a re[mark] about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lu[lu, ke]pt people loo [king s]o hard for f[acts], and for others it was a [revelation]. Some were in a [jam, es] pecially since the names of the books are not capitalized, but the t[ruth] finally struck home to [numbers] of readers. To others, it was a real [job]. We want it to be [a mos]t fascinating few moments for you. Y[es, ther]e will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require [judges] to help them. I will quickly admi[t it us]ually takes a minister to find one of the 17, and there will be loud [lamentations] when it is found. A little lady says s[he brews] a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can com [pete. R]elax now, for there really are the names of 17 books of the Bible in these sentences.
» Water Sculptures


Today, Jan 27, in 
1302 Dante becomes a Florentine political exile
1593 Vatican opens 7 year trial against scholar Giordano Bruno
1662 1st American lime kiln begins operation (Providence RI)
1671 Pirate Henry Morgen lands at Panama City
1870 Manitoba & Northwest Territories incorporated
1880 Thomas Edison patents electric incandescent lamp
1915 US Marines occupy Haiti
1916 Communist party "Spartacus Letters" 1st published in Berlin
1924 Lenin placed in Mausoleum in Red Square
1927 Harlem Globetrotters play their 1st game
1941 Peruvian agent Rivera-Schreibér warns of Japanese assault on 
  Pearl Harbor
1943 1st US air attack on Germany (Wilhelmshafen)
1944 Leningrad liberated from Germany in 880 days with 600,000 killed
1948 1st locomotive to carry 1,000,000 pounds (450,000 kg) operates
1948 1st tape recorder sold
1951 US begins 126 nuclear tests at Nevada Test Site
1953 Netherlands end Marshall aid
1965 1st ground station-to-aircraft radio communication via satellite
1967 Apollo 1 fire kills astronauts Grissom, White & Chaffee
1969 14 spies hung in Baghdad
1969 9 Jews publicly executed in Damascus Syria
1973 US & Vietnam sign cease-fire, ending longest US war & military draft
1976 Morocco-Algeria battles in Westerly Sahara
1977 President Carter pardons most Vietnam War draft evaders (10,000)
1992 Presidential candidate Bill Clinton (D) & Genifer Flowers accuse 
  each other of lying over her assertion they had a 12-year affair
1996 France performs nuclear test at Muruora Island
1998 Crane crashes into Roosevelt Is (New York City NY) Tram, injuring 10 
2013  smiled


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Code to make printer add date to page bottom 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, January 26.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." ---Johnny Carson Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. --- Will Rogers
When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks. A student came in, and her eyes widened. "Wow!" she exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look, like, twenty years younger." I told her to put a dollar into the " 'Like' out of context" jar.
>From Dianne It was a warm spring morning, and my husband decided to come home from work early to paint our deck. Before I left the house, I located all the necessary supplies and wrote him a note: "I put the paint in the closet downstairs. The brush is on the garage shelf." When I returned that evening, nothing had been done. My husband had left this written explanation: "I found the paint and the brush. Couldn't find the deck. Went fishing."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Trishia Moody, 26, Knoxville, Tenn Leads Deputies On High Speed Chase, Rams Patrol Cars, All While Holding Beer Reported by The Weekly Vice Trishia Moody, a 26-year-old Tennessee drunk was jailed Monday after she allegedly led deputies on high speed chase that spanned two counties without dropping the beer that was in her hand. According to the Knox County Sheriff's Office, the chase began after a deputy saw Moody enter Ashville Highway via the exit ramp and drive north against the southbound lanes. When the deputy activated his lights to pull Moody over, she ignored the deputy and punched the gas. At some point in the chase, Moody slammed on her brakes, left the highway and attempted to flee down a side road. When she reached a dead end, she turned around and rammed her vehicle head-on into a deputy's patrol car as he attempted to box her in. Moody then entered Andrew Johnson Highway and drove into Jefferson County. When a deputy pulled alongside her, she slammed into his patrol car, forcing it from the road. A Jefferson County deputy who joined the chase performed a pit manuever on Moody's vehicle, bringing the chase to a sudden end. Deputies that approached the vehicle noticed that she had been holding a 16-ounce beer in her hand during the chase. She continued to hold the beer until deputies placed her into custody. Moody was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault, evading arrest, DUI, reckless endangerment and driving on a suspended license. Moody also had an outstanding warrant for her arrest. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Codes for date added by printer Dear Webby Good morning and I hope this finds you and yours well. A few weeks ago I had deleted the date/time that is printed at the bottom of pages from the printer. I need that date again, and can't figure out how to fix it. Thanks in advance. Keep up the great work! Chris Dear Chris I use &u &b &d in the footer field of the printer page set-up. &t &d prints the time and date. If you want the long date format, use a &D instead of &d If you want 24 hour time, use &T instead of &t &u adds the URL or file name to the footer. &b makes everything after the "&b" right aligned So, with my format, you get the URL or file name on the left, and the date in short format on the right. With some non-standard printers you try to accomplish the same by mousing around for a while, but most will recognize the standard code. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Switch Bottle Tops and Dispensers I get a really big bottle of hand soap out of Dollar General bubble bath, by using a Germ X large size bottle squirt top on the bubble bath bottle. By Robyn By robynfederspiel Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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The passenger sat in the backseat, clutching the door handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip. The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets,weaving in and out of traffic. The passenger watched as one pedestrian after another ran to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver. She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck. He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver!" the passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us both killed?" "Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm ok but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say," asked the nurse. "Sheeet!"
» 3D Virtual Tours:


Today, Jan 25, in 
0066 5th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet
1340 English king Edward III proclaimed king of France
1531 Lisbon hit by Earthquake; about 30,000 die
1748 England, Netherlands, Austria & Sardinia sign 
   anti-French treaty
1784 Ben Franklin expresses unhappiness over the eagle as 
   America's symbol, same as everybody else's.
1790 Mozart's opera "Cosi Fan Tutte" premieres in Vienna
1838 Tennessee becomes 1st state to prohibit alcohol
1841 Hong Kong proclaimed a sovereign territory of Britain
1862 Lincoln issues General War Order #1, calling for a 
   Union offensive McClellan ignores order
1863 War Department authorizes Massachusetts Governor to recruit black troops
1870 Virginia rejoins the US
1871 US income tax repealed
1875 Electric dental drill is patented by George F Green
1886 Karl Benz patents 1st auto with gasoline burning motor
1905 World's largest diamond, the 3,106-carat Cullinan, is found in South Africa
1911 Richard Strauss's opera "Rosenkavalier" premieres, Dresden
1913 Jim Thorpe relinquishes his 1912 Olympic medals for being a pro
1914 Vatican puts Belgian Nobel winner Maeterlinck's works 
   in their index (you get excommunicated for reading books 
   that are on the index)
1918 US food administrator Hoover calls for "wheatless" & 
   "meatless" days for war effort
1920 Amadeo Modigliani's mistress jumps out of a window
1930 Cleveland's Terminal Tower opens (52 stories)
1931 Hungary-Austria sign peace treaty
1939 Franco conquers Barcelona
1940 Nazis forbid Polish Jews to travel on trains
1942 1st US force in Europe during WWII goes ashore in Northern Ireland
1950 India becomes a republic ceasing to be a British dominion
1957 India annexes Kashmir
1962 US launches Ranger 3, misses Moon by 22,000-mile (37,000-km)
1962 Bishop Burke of Buffalo Catholic dioceses declares 
  Chubby Checker's "Twist" is impure & bans it from all 
  Catholic schools
1962 Canadian Marine Service renamed Coast Guard
1965 South Vietnam military coup under General Nguyen Khanh
1968 Israeli submarine Dakar crashes in Mediterranean Sea, 69 die
1972 Stewardess Vesna Vulovic survives 10,160m fall without parachute
1979 "The Dukes of Hazzard" premieres on CBS
1980 175,000 pay to hear Frank Sinatra sing in Rio de Janeiro!
1980 Israel & Egypt establish diplomatic relations
1985 Edmonton Oiler Wayne Gretzky scores 50th goal in 49th game of season
1998 Intel launches 333 MHz Pentium II chip
1998 President Clinton says "I want to say one thing to the 
  American people, I did not have sexual relations with that 
  woman, Miss Lewinsky"
2013  smiled


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Multiple Spam Controls 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, January 25.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!




Have FUN!
DearWebby


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All that is necessary for the forces of evil to take root in the world is for enough good men to do nothing. --- Edmund Burke
After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank goodness," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
>From Nan My husband seems to feel one should get their money's worth on vacation. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to frolic every minute or not. But once when I was sitting in a beach chair on the sand, he came out of the surf and said, "This is costing us $300 a day - and you sit there reading a book!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Bryan Wendler, 30, Marathon County, Wisconsin Wearing "Breathalyzer" T-Shirt while Arrested Sixth Time For Drunk Driving Reported by The Weekly Vice The 30-year-old drunk was arrested early Saturday morning for drunk driving after he was found passed out at the wheel of a Chevrolet Cavalier that was parked with its engine running in the middle of a Wisconsin road. Wendler, who reeked of intoxicants, failed a series of field sobriety tests and appeared “dazed and confused,” according to a Marathon County Sheriff’s Department report, which noted that a deputy spotted an unopened six-pack of beer on the vehicle’s passenger seat. A breath sample recorded Wendler’s blood alcohol content as .19, more than twice the legal limit. As a result, he was charged with operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated- -the sixth time he has been busted for drunk driving. Wendler’s extensive DWI history, of course, makes his t-shirt choice a strange one. Along with the DWI count, Wendler, who is locked up in the county jail, faces a probation violation rap and a driving with a revoked license charge. He is scheduled for a preliminary hearing on January 30. Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: Multiple Spam Controls Dear Webby First, kudos to your forever refreshing Humor Letter. Your willingness to help with technical advice is more valuable than you can imagine to folks who need help and don't know where where to turn. I see many people raving about Mail Washer. I have Norton installed on my computer, which already has a spam filter. Can I use them both without any problem? Thanks, Webby! You're the best! Helen Dear Helen It's best to use just one spam control program at a time. As long as Norton takes care of the spam well enough, use that. When it gets overwhelmed and can't quite cope with it any more, then turn it's spam control off and get MailWasher. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rubber Glove Finger To Protect Bandages I cut my finger at work the other day and when we finally got it bandaged I wanted it protected from germs. I am in Nursing so we come in contact with lots of germs every day and I wash my hands multiple times. I got a rubber glove, cut off one finger of it and fit it over my bandaged finger. I then put tape all the way around the bottom of it to keep water and germs from getting in it. This works great for me but I do not recommend you keep it on more than 8 hours at a time. I changed mine when I got home and just left the band-aid on it. You don't want it to get infected and the best thing for a cut is air. So if you find yourself in a germ infested environment and need to protect a cut or wound that a glove finger will cover I highly recommend using my method. Years ago they had "finger cots" that served the same purpose. They are hard to find today. By Gem from VA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during your lunch hour, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're drunk, than to realize that you're stupid.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked gently on the door. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked politely. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I just have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?"
» Hot Stuff


Today, Jan 25, in 
1327 King Edward III accedes to British throne
1348 Earthquake destroys Villach, Austria, killing 5,000
1533 England's King Henry VIII marries Anne Boleyn
1721 Czar Peter the Great ends Russian-orthodox patriarchy
1775 Americans drag cannon up hill to fight British 
   (Gun Hill Road, Bronx)
1799 1st US patent for a seeding machine, Eliakim Spooner
1802 Napoleon elected President of the Italian 
   (Cisalpine) Republic
1856 Battle of Seattle; skirmish between settlers & Indians
1870 Soda fountain patented by Gustavus Dows
1875 Anti-slavery society formed in NY
1918 Russia declared a republic of Soviets
1946 Richard Strauss' "Metamorphosis" premieres in Zurich
1950 73ºF (23ºC) highest temperature ever recorded in 
   Cleveland in January
1951 UN begins counter offensive in Korea
1955 Russia ends state of war with Germany
1955 US & Panamá sign canal treaty
1971 Military coup in Uganda under General Idi Amin Dada
1974 South African surgeon Christiaan Barnard transplanted the 
first human heart without removal of the old one
1981 52 Americans held hostage by Iran for 444 days arrived back in US
1981 Mao's widow Jiang Qing sentenced to death
1990 Former Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega is transferred to a Miami jail
1991 Manuel Noriega is given access to assets frozen by US government
1985 "We are the World" is recorded 
2013  smiled


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Phony PayPal Alert 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, January 24

The U.S. military will end its policy of excluding women 
from combat, US officials said. 

"Combat" does not necessarily mean infantry or any face 
to face combat, but includes piloting armed drones via
the Internet, being in combat helicopters, tanks and
other armored vehicles.

This is a great victory for the women, who have fought for
even this step for many years.

It reminds me of a joke, that has been around since they
started fighting for combat roles.
Some general supposedly said: "Motivating women is no problem
at all. I just tell them that those Taliban had said that 
their uniforms make their butts look fat. Then we step back
and watch the fur fly!"

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. --- Dick Gregory Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. --- George Santayana
Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover!" under his breath. On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time. On the third hole, a miracle occured and Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!" He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!!!!" By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover". "It's the biggest dam I know."
>From Bill: After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but I put off calling them. Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine from my ex-wife. "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don't call the one in the second column. That's me, and don't call the one in the fourth column, that's mom."
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From Carol Dear Webby, Just want to thank you again for the Humor Letter. I guess I am prompted to say it today because I particularly liked this photo and the quotes. It would be hard for me to pick out my favorite component of the Letter on the whole, though! Good job, hope your eyes become less troublesome. Carol T
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Willie Brown, 58, Lealman, Pinellas County, Florida Jailed After Stabbing Roommate Ten Times During Argument Over Radio Station Reported by The Weekly Vice Willie Brown, a 58-year-old Lealman man was jailed Wednesday after he repeatedly stabbed his roommate during an argument over a radio station. According to the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, Brown and his roommate, 72-year-old Abraham Shedrack, got into a heated argument after disagreeing about what radio station to listen to. Investigators say the argument, fueled by alcohol, quickly turned violent when Brown stabbed his roommate outside their mobile home at least 10 times during the confrontation. The victim was rushed to a local hospital and is expected to survive the attack. Brown was booked into jail and charged with attempted murder. Tech Support Pits From: Irene Re: PayPal alert Dear Webby I got a few alerts, supposedly from PayPal, but they ask me to click on a link. I remember you telling us to NEVER NEVER NEVER click on any link on ANY mail that looks like it is from PayPal. What's the story with this one. Irene Dear Irene I got those mails too. MailWasher nailed them with the Cyrillic filter, AND the hidden recipient filter, AND the "X-Mailer: Microsoft Outlook Express" filter, AND some other ones. I had to laugh. It's quite OK if some grannie uses Outlook Express, but PayPal most definitely does not use Outlook Express. Ever. It is amazing what some people will do to amuse me! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using Drink Carrier for Cutlery and Condiments Use an empty drink carrier when picnicking or in your back yard. Put forks, spoons, napkins, ketchup and mustard in each slot. It's easy to carry and keeps stuff organized. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

>From Jan One of our clients brought in his massive Doberman pinscher to be spayed. As a veterinary assistant, I escort the patient into the doctor's office. Before taking this dog's leash, I glimpsed those large teeth of hers and asked the owner, "Is she friendly?" "Friendly?" said the man. "Friendly? She's had five litters! How much 'friendlier' than that can she get?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," said to his Uncle Rodney, the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas present I ever got." "That's great," said his Uncle Rodney. "Do you know how to play it?" "Oh, I don't play it," said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week to not play it at night."
» Tigran


Today, Jan 24, in 
1076 Synod of Worms German King Henry IV fires Pope Gregory VII
1328 King Edward III of England marries Philippa of Henegouwen
1656 1st Jewish doctor in US, Jacob Lumbrozo, arrives in Maryland
1679 King Charles II fires English parliament
1722 Czar Peter the Great begins civil system
1847 1,500 New Mexican Indians & Mexicans killed by US Colonel Price
1892 Battle at Mengo, Uganda French missionaries attack British missionaries
1899 Rubber heel patented by Humphrey O'Sullivan
1901 Emily Hobhouse views Lord Kitchener's concentration camp 
   at Bloemfontein
1924 Mussolini disallows non-fascists work union
1924 Russian city of St Petersburg renamed Leningrad
1925 Moving picture of a solar eclipse taken from 
   dirigible above the smog of Long Island
1935 1st canned beer, "Krueger Cream Ale"
1939 30,000 killed by earthquake in Concepcion Chile
1941 British troops march into Abyssinia
1943 Hitler orders nazi troops at Stalingrad to fight to death
1945 Scottish 52nd Lowland division occupies Heinsberg
1958 After warming to 100,000,000º, 2 light atoms are bashed 
  together to create a heavier atom, resulting in 1st 
  man-made nuclear fusion
1960 Algeria uprises against French President De Gaulle
1962 28 refugees escape from East to West Germany
1962 Brian Epstein signs management contract with the Beatles
1976 George Foreman KOs Ron Lyle in 5th round of a 
  real slugfest
1984 Apple Computer Inc unveils its Macintosh personal computer
1993 US male Figure Skating championship won by Scott Davis 
2013  smiled


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Tiny but sharp font 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, January 23



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Live always in the best company when you read. --- Sydney Smith In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared mind. --- Louis Pasteur Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. --- Laurence J. Peter, "The Peter Principle" I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. --- Dorothy Parker
One employee said to another, "When the boss' son starts work here next week, remember that he's not supposed to have any special privileges or authority. Treat him just like you would anyone, who is due to take over the whole company in a year or two, and be your boss."
>From Annie I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son for a haircut. Without hesitation, the barber said, "When he's four."
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From Fran Dear Webby I sure am glad you talked me into getting MailWasher! All of a sudden email is useable again, and just shows the real mail, without any of the junk. Many, many thanks! Fran
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Ricardo Davis, 35, Palm Bay, Florida Jailed After Biting Off Girlfriend's Thumb During Argument Reported by The Weekly Vice Ricardo Marquis Davis, a 35-year-old Palm Bay man was jailed Wednesday after he allegedly bit his girlfriend's thumb off during a fight while he was driving. According to the Palm Bay Police Department, officers were called to the Holmes Regional Medical Center on reports that an unidentified woman had arrived with her thumb completely severed. When officers arrived on the scene, she had already left the hospital, but she told the staff the grisly details of how she was injured. Investigators say a nurse told police that the woman's boyfriend, later identified as Davis, was reportedly taking her to work when they began arguing. The fight became physical when the woman pushed Davis's head, and he retaliated (-or defended himself-) by biting her left thumb completely off. He then reportedly spit it out on the floorboard of the car. Officers were able to track down and question the victim, who confirmed the story. When officers later apprehended Davis, he confessed to the accusations. Davis was booked into the Brevard County Jail and charged with aggravated battery with intent to cause bodily harm. The girlfriend was not charged. Tech Support Pits From: Phil Re: Small font Dear Webby I need a small but still reasonably nice looking font. I realize that the font you use on the mug shots is very tiny but always legible. Do you write it onto abig picture and then afterwards reduce the picture size, or is that font that small? I can't find any, that does not look sloppy when a small point size is used. Phil Dear Phil Yes, I agree, most fonts look sloppy at point sizes below 10. I usually use "Calibri" for the mugshots or when I need a small but still neat font. You can get that font from many sources, and might even already have it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Counter Top Paper Towel Holder Uses When we moved into a house there was a paper towel holder installed in the kitchen and I no longer needed my countertop paper towel holder. I discovered that it was very handy in the bathroom to hold extra rolls of toilet tissue. By vinnyswoman Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An airline pilot with poor eyesight managed to pass his periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand. One year, though, his doctor used a new chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded to recite the old chart and the doctor realized that he'd been suckered all these years. Then the doctor could not contain his curiosity. "How is it that someone with your eyesight can manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you taxi the plane out to the runway?" "Well," said the pilot, "it's really not very hard. All you have to do is follow the instructions of the ground controller over the radio. And besides, the landmarks have all become quite familiar to me over the years." "I can understand that," replied the doctor. "But what about the take-off?" "Again, a simple procedure. I just aim the plane down the runway, go to full throttle, pull back on the stick, and off we go!" "But once you're aloft?" "Oh, everything's fully automated these days. The flight computer knows our destination, and all I have to do is hit the auto-pilot and the plane pretty much flies itself." "But I still don't see how you land!" "Oh, that's the easiest part of all. All I do is use the airport's radio beacon to get us on the proper glide path. Then I just throttle down and wait for the co-pilot to yell, 'AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! We're gonna DIEEEEEEE!!!!', then I pull the nose up, and the plane lands just fine!"
» Ice magic


Today, Jan 22, in 
0638 Start of Islamic calendar
1265 1st English Parliament formally convened
1490 1st printing of Ramban's Sha'ar ha-Gemul
1492 "Pentateuch" (Jewish holy book) 1st printed
1552 2nd version of Book of Common Prayer becomes mandatory 
   in England
1556 Most deadly earthquake kills 830,000 in Shansi Province, China
1631 France & Sweden sign anti-German Treaty of Bärwald
1668 England, Netherlands & Sweden signs Triple Alliance 
   against French
1719 Principality of Liechtenstein created within Holy Roman Empire
1861 Agoston Haraszthy, 1st vintner in Sonoma Valley, 
  imports 100,000 cuttings of 350 varieties from Europe
1909 1st radio rescue at sea
1916 Temp falls from 44ºF (7ºC) to -56ºF (-49ºC) 
   night of 23-24, Browning MT
1932 El Salvador army kills 4,000 protesting farmers
1943 British 8th army marches into Tripoli
1950 Israeli Knesset resolves that Jerusalem is the capital of Israel
1968 Spy ship USS Pueblo & 83-man crew seized in Sea of Japan by N Korea
1970 US launches 2nd generation weather satellite, ITOS 1
1972 Entire population of Istanbul under 24 hour house arrest
1973 Helgafell, island of Heimaey Iceland erupts for 1st 
   time in 7,000 years
1973 President Nixon announces an accord has been reached
   to end the Vietnam War
1983 Russian radioactive satellite falls into Indian Ocean
1984 Greatest unpaced 1-hour bicycle distance, 
   F Moser (Italy), 51.15 km
1987 Japan exceeds military spending cap of 1% of GNP 
   ($23 billion)
1988 Experimental airplane Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan & 
   Jeana Yeager, complete 1st nonstop, round-the-world flight 
   without refueling lands
1998 Pope John Paul II condemns US embargo against Cuba 
2013  smiled


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What is the "Book of Mother" ? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, January 22

Dear Terri
It looks like live.com has kicked you out.
..........whaty@live.com... User unknown

Try subscribing with a valid address.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Every improvement in communication makes the bore more terrible. --- Frank Moore Colby Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad. --- Diogenes the Cynic (412 BC - 323 BC) Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see. --- Arthur Schopenhauer He who lives without folly isn't so wise as he thinks. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take 10 yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old lady standing behind her. "Grandma is paying for it," she smiled.
A psychiatrist who had tired of listening to the assorted troubles and dreams that poured from his consulting couch, rigged up a tape recorder. Explaining to his patients that he could analyze a case better this way, he would turn on the machine, tell the patient to keep talking and quietly slip out for a beer. This worked well for a while, but one day he looked up from his beer to see the patient who was supposed to be upstairs on the couch. "What are you doing here?" asked the doctor. "Well, Doc," said the patient, "I've taped my dreams and stuff for the last couple of days, and now my tape recorder is upstairs talking to your tape recorder."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Cassandra Elfers, 21, Independence, KY Volleyball Coach - Jailed for Having Sexual Relationship With 13-Year-Old Reported by The Weekly Vice Cassandra Elfers, a 21-year-old volleyball coach at Sharp Middle School, was jailed Friday after she allegedly had a sexual relationship with a 13-year-old student. According to police, an investigation was launched Sunday after the Pendleton County School District became aware of rumors at the middle school that involved Elfers and the alleged victim. Investigators have released few details about the case except that the alleged victim is a 13-year-old boy who played basketball at the school. Elfers was booked into the Kenton County Detention Center on charges of first-degree sexual abuse. She was released at about 7:30 p.m. the same day after posting bond. Tech Support Pits From: Sandra Q Re: What is the Book of Mother? Dear Webby What is the Book of Mother? Sandra Dear Sandra All I could find on the net was: 820 January 20 Abu Abdallah M ibn Idris al-Sjafi'i, Islamic (Book of Mother), dies. The Book of Mother is published. So I asked Susan, a University lecturer in Washington (state). Her instant answer was: al-Shaf'i' was a Muslim jurist who wrote many works in the 8th-9th centuries (Common Era). His main book on Islamic Jurisprudence is al-Risaalah (the Letter) and the Kitaab al-Umm (Book of the Mother). That one is on his particular interpretation of jurisprudence according to his own philosophy. He is one of the main jurists and has a school of thought named after him. It doesn't really have anything to do with mothers :) it's meant to be a standard for other jurists and judges. even good old wiki has a blurbette on it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitab_al-Umm Susan E. B. Thanks to Susan, now we know. It's the Mother of handbooks for jurists and judges. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fertilize Now For Spring Planting We farm, so we have an abundance of "fresh" fertilizer. The past 2 weeks, we have been collecting it and moving it to our raised garden beds. Many manures, such as horse and cow (among others), will kill a plant if applied directly to it while fresh. Each is different, but cow manure takes 30-45 days to age, so that it is safe for the plants. By adding them to my raised beds now, the heat will be gone by the time we start our planting in mid to late March. If you know a farmer, most will be more than willing to let you go gather some from their pastures at no charge. It's free, organic, and better on the environment than using the ones with chemicals or found in plastic bags. Source: I learned this the hard way, after applying it too close to the growing season years ago. By April from Plattsburg, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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Two cab drivers met and one asked the other, "Hey, why do you have one side of your cab painted red and the other side blue?" The other driver said, "When I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."
» SPCA Pet Adoption


Today, Jan 22, in 
0871 Battle at Basing Danish invasion army beats 
   Ethelred of Wessex
1371 King Robert II Stuart of Scotland crowned
1510 Jews are expelled from Colmar Germany
1517 Turks conquer Cairo
1528 England & France declare war on Emperor Charles V
1575 English queen Elizabeth I grants 
  Thomas Tallis & William Byrd music press monopoly
1690 Iroquois tribes renew allegiance to British against French
1760 Battle at Wandewash India British troops beat French
1771 Spain cedes the Falkland Islands to Britain
1775 Marshal Oscar von Lubomirski expels Jews from Warsaw Poland
1873 Britains SS Northfleet sinks at Dungeness England, 300 die
1881 Ancient Egyptian obelisk "Cleopatra's Needle" erected in Central Park
1905 "Bloody Sunday"; Russian demonstrators fired on by tsarist troops
1918 Ukraine proclaimed a free republic (Pro German)
1939 Uranium atom 1st split, Columbia University
1941 1st mass killing of Jews in Romania
1951 Fidel Castro ejected from a Winter League game after 
   beaning batter
1957 Israeli forces withdraw from the Sinai Penisula
1964 World's largest cheese (15,723 kg) manufactured, Wisconsin
1965 US launches TIROS 9 weather satellite
1968 Apollo 5 launched to Moon; unmanned lunar module tests made
1970 1st commercial Boeing 747 flight (Pan Am), 
   New York to London in 6½ hours
1973 US, North & South Vietnam & Vietcong sign boundary accord
1976 Bank robbery in Beirut nets $20-50 million (record)
1992 Princess Sarah Ferguson wears paper bag over her head 
   on airline ride
1995 Palestinian bomb attack in Beit Lid Israel, 21-22 killed
1998 World League of American Football becomes NFL East 
2013  smiled


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Saving pictures off the net 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, January 21

Thank you, Nancy!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. --- Douglas Adams I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy. --- Richard Feynman
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after an entire semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
>From Dean: This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my wife. I'll never forget that lucky game of cards.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Barry Scott Vick, 41, Barry Scott Vick Jailed After Cutting Relative with Razor Blade Reported by The Weekly Vice Barry Scott Vick, a 41-year-old Alabama man, was jailed Friday after he allegedly attacked a relative with a razor blade. According to the Shelby County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to residence in Westover after receiving a report of domestic violence assault. When deputies arrived on the scene, they found two male relatives that had been involved in a physical altercation. One of the men had been cut across the chest with a razor blade. Both men were treated at the scene and then transported to a local hospital for evaluation. The victim, identified as Joshua Henderson, was treated and released. Vick was booked into jail and charged with first-degree domestic violence and is currently being held without bond. Tech Support Pits From: Kitty Re: Saving pictures Dear Webby i tried the print screen and nothing hapend. the ctrl and v did nothing. ...i guess i'm just not as smart as i thought. thanks anyway. have a good one. . kitty Dear Kitty Make the window, that has the picture that you want to take, active. Then hold down the ALT key, and hit PrintScreen. Don't worry, it won't print. That is just from the old days of dot matrix printers. Nowadays that key "prints" whatever is in the active window into the clipboard. Now you can "print" or paste from the clipboard into most programs. Not all, some Microsoft programs are not quite compatible there. However, if you have any graphics program open, you can put the cursor into a new picture, and then hold down CTRL and hit V. With some programs, CTRL V will open a new picture on it's own. CTRL L will squish the new picture into an outlined selection, and CTRL E will just overlay it into whatever picture is open. Usually CTRL V is best, then you can crop it, shrink it, do whatever you want. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get Partial Fill On New Prescriptions Due to a serious illness, I developed allergy/reactions to various medications, especially prescription drugs. This was costing me a small fortune, as I would fill a script and after 1 or 2 pills have to dispose of the rest because I could not tolerate them. We have no insurance so all scripts were paid in full by us. My pharmacist finally told me that I could request a partial fill of a couple of pills and if they worked, get the rest and if not cancel the script! This tip has saved me hundreds of dollars. Now I always ask for a partial when getting a new drug script filled. By PlumCottage from the beach in NJ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied. The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the exhaust pipe.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Marina: Last summer, my husband, Steve, took me camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor-survival lore. One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. Steve tried the usual tactics to determine direction - moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day). Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off in the distance. Steve pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led us right back to our camp. "That was terrific," I said. "How did you do it?" "Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south."
» Best of Winter


Today, Jan 21, in 
1189 Philip II, Henry II & Richard Lion-Hearted initiate 
  3rd Crusade
1677 1st medical publication in America (pamphlet on 
  smallpox), Boston
1789 1st American novel, WH Brown's "The Power of Sympathy"
1793 Prussia & Russia sign partition treaty (Poland divided)
1799 Edward Jenner's smallpox vaccination is introduced
1830 Portsmouth (Ohio) blacks forcibly deported
1853 Envelope-folding machine patented by Russell Hawes
1863 City of Dublin leases part of Cattle Market for 
   100,000 years
1880 1st US sewage disposal system separate from storm 
   drains, Memphis TN
1903 "Wizard of Oz" premieres in New York City NY
1903 Harry Houdini escapes police station in Amsterdam
1908 New York City NY regulation makes it illegal for a 
  woman to smoke in public
1910 British-Russian military intervention in Persia
1919 Sinn Fein proclaims parliament of Free Ireland
1922 1st slalom ski race run, Mürren, Switzerland
1927 1st national opera broadcast from a US opera house (Faust, Chicago)
1932 USSR & Finland stop non-attack treaty
1941 1st anti-Jewish measures in Bulgaria
1941 Australia & Britain attack Tobruk Libya
1942 Bronx magistrate rules all pinball machines illegal
1944 447 German bombers attack London
1944 649 British bombers attack Magdeburg
1949 1st inaugural parade televised (Harry Truman)
1954 1st gas turbine automobile exhibited (New York City NY)
1954 1st atomic submarine, USS Nautilus, launched on Thames River
1960 Little Joe 4 suborbital Mercury test reaches 16 km
1961 Portuguese rebels seize cruise ship Santa Maria
1968 US B-52 bombers with nuclear bomb crashes in Greenland
1973 Leslie Nielsen appears on M*A*S*H in "Ringbanger"
1976 Supersonic Concorde, 1st commercial flight
1977 President Jimmy Carter pardons almost all Vietnam War draft evaders
1977 Italy legalizes abortion
1979 Neptune becomes outermost planet (Pluto moves closer)
1986 100 participate in Nude Olympics race in 38ºF (3ºC), Indiana
1988 US accept immigration of 30,000 US-Vietnamese children
1994 Lorena Bobbitt found temporarily insane for chopping off spouse's penis
1998 Pope John Paul II visits Cuba 
2013  smiled


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Is Windows Update really reporting to Microsoft? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, January 20

Thank you, Nancy!

Some interesting numbers from the end of 2012:
2.4 Billion – Internet users worldwide.
1.1 Billion – Internet users in Asia.
519 million – Internet users in Europe.
274 million – Internet users in North America.
255 million – Internet users in Latin America/Caribbean.
167 million – Internet users in Africa.
90 million – Internet users in the Middle East.
24.3 million – Internet users in Oceania/Australia.

565 million – Internet users in China, 
   more than any other country in the world.
42.1% – Internet penetration in China.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything - or nothing. --- Nancy Astor Man has to suffer. When he has no real afflictions, he invents some. --- Jose Marti
A guy is bragging to a friend about his new hearing aid. "Yeah, it's a beaut," he says. "Top of the line. Deluxe model. Cost me $4,000 bucks." "What kind is it?" his friend asks politely. "Twelve-thirty."
On the way back to New York as I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight to Vegas was full. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward."
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Click on the picture for the large version Castle_Howard_North_Yorkshire
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to James Flenniken, 48, Manatee, Floriduh Jailed After Stealing Steak And Wine Dinner From Walmart, Said He Wanted To Impress His Date Reported by The Weekly Vice James Flenniken, a 48-year-old Manatee man was jailed Monday after he allegedly stole beer, wine, and steaks from a local Walmart because he wanted to impress his date. According to the Manatee County Sheriff's Office, Flenniken reportedly went into Walmart around 5:00 p.m. and stole the booze and steaks, worth a total of $79.30. A loss prevention officer who saw Flenniken steal the items stopped him at the door and called authorities. Without even being questioned, Flenniken allegedly told deputies that he had taken the items to impress a lady-friend that he was set to have a date with that night. Flenniken was booked into the Manatee County Jail and charged with petit theft-shoplifting. He is currently being held without bond. Tech Support Pits From: Vicky Re: Windows update reporting to Microsoft Dear Webby Is Windows really reporting all my sinse to Microsoft, like you had written yesterday? Vicky Dear Vicky Nah, not ALL your sins, that would take too long. Probably just the juicier ones. Do you remember clicking that AGREE button, without reading 27 pages of small print? There you agreed, that they can upload reports of your sins, in order to make the next version of Windows better. Considering the lack of speed of Windows 7, somebody must have paused a lot for some really dedicated sinning. Was that you? Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Retrieve Long Hair in a Plugged Shower Drain If drain cleaners are not working in a shower or bathtub drain, the problem might be higher up. The shower drain in my long-haired teenage daughter's bathroom was plugged so badly she ended up standing in water up to her ankles when she took a shower. I tried all kinds of drain cleaners, to no avail. Then one day, I took the grate off the top of the drain so that I could look down with a flashlight and possibly see something. What a surprise: I could only see a couple of inches down! The crossbars in the pipe, like a plus sign about two inches down, were completely covered with hair! I used needle-nose pliers to pull out a wad of long hairs as thick as my thumb, that was draped over the crossbars, hanging down like a fringe, almost completely blocking the pipe where drain cleaners had no effect. By Mary from Hummeltwown, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

>From Val Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture. "Why don't you wait till your husband gets home?" someone asked. "I could," my mother told the group," but the couch is a lot easier to move if he's not on it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In a hat shop a saleslady gushed: "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!"
» The Diamonds, with a trip down memory lane


Today, Jan 20, in 
0820 Book of mother, published
1503 Casa Contratacion (Board of Trade) found (Spain) 
   to deal with American affairs
1785 Samuel Ellis advertises to sell Oyster Island 
  (Ellis Island), no takers
1800 Napoleon I's sister Carolina marries 
   King Joachim Murat of Naples
1841 China cedes Hong Kong to the British
1850 Investigator, 1st ship to effect northwest passage, leaves England
1887 US Senate approves the naval base lease of Pearl Harbor
1921 Turkey declared in remnants of the Ottoman Empire
1921 British submarine K5 leaves with man & mouse
1925 USSR & Japan sign treaty of Peking, Seychelles back to USSR
1929 1st feature talking motion picture taken outdoors, "In Old Arizona"
1930 1st radio broadcast of "Lone Ranger" (WXYZ-Detroit)
1936 Edward VIII succeeds British king George V
1939 Hitler proclaims to German parliament to exterminate 
   all European Jews
1944 RAF drops 2300 tons of bombs on Berlin
1949 J Edgar Hoover gives Shirley Temple a tear gas fountain pen
1952 British army occupies Ismailiya, Suez Canal Zone
1980 President Jimmy Carter announces US boycott of Olympics in Moscow
1981 52 Americans held hostage in Iran for 444 days freed
1986 Chunnel announced (railroad tunnel under English Channel)
1991 US Patriot missiles begins shooting down Iraqi missiles
1997 Comet Hale-Bopp crosses Mars' orbit
1998 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inducts Mama & Papas, Eagles
2013  smiled


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Windows update takes too long 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, January 19

Thank you, John P!

I hope that the few companies, who got Boeing 787s,
have leased them and not bought them!

Considering the history of lithium-ion batteries and their
ability to set anything from cell phones to submarines on 
fire, it was rather stupid to put them into expensive planes.

Lithium-ion batteries CAN be good performers, but they are
not fully understood yet, and the slightest manufacturing
anomaly makes them unpredictable.

Boeing COULD have used nickel-metal hydride batteries like 
the ones in the Toyota Prius. Proven, safe performers.
Sure, Lithium-ion batteries weigh a bit less at the same
power rating, but when you count the cooling and safety
measures necessary, there is no real advantage.

Cessna had to switch to nickel-metal hydride batteries 
in its CJ4 jet, and Boeing should have taken that as a hint
with a fence post. They didn't, and now all 787s are grounded,
and will stay grounded for the foreseeable future, until
some technology has been developed to make the lithium-ion
batteries safer and more predictable. That could take years!

It would have been a lot smarter to simply dump those 
lithium-ion batteries into the nearest dumpster and 
replace them with nickel-metal hydride or even lead-acid
car batteries.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater. --- Gail Godwin People ask for criticism, but they only want praise. --- W. Somerset Maugham A good listener is usually thinking about something else. --- Kin Hubbard
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad.
A Kansas farm couple who are sleeping early one morning when a tornado roars over their farmhouse. It lifts the roof off, picks up the bed the farmer and his wife are sleeping in and sets them down gently in the next county. The wife begins to cry. "Don't be scared, dear," her husband says. "We're not hurt." The woman continues to cry. "I'm not scared," she says between sobs. "I'm crying because I'm happy. This is the first time in 14 years we've been out together."
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jeremy Rusin, 21, Oak Lawn, Illinois Wimp jailed for Setting Pit Bull Loose On His Own Mother, Three Times Reported by The Weekly Vice Jeremy Rusin, a 21-year-old Illinois wimp, has been jailed after he repeatedly turned a pit bull loose on his mother because he didn't want her to go outside and get help. According to Oak Lawn police, officers were dispatched to the woman's home after receiving a report from a motorist stating that a woman was being attacked by a pit bull while several other witnesses stood by and watched without helping her. According to police, the incident began when the victim's son emerged from his bedroom yelling and in an agitated state. Rusin's angry rant caused his girlfriend's 75-pound pit bull to attack his mother. Initially, Rusin pulled the dog away after it had been biting his mother's arm and stomach, but when the woman tried to run outside to get help, Rusin set the dog loose on his mother in an attempt to stop her. Rusin then grabbed his mother by the shoulder and threw her into a wall, prompting the dog to attack again. Eventually Rusin pulled the dog back, however, when his mother finally made it outside, he set the dog loose on his mother a third time. The motorist who called 911 explained that he was driving by the residence when he saw the dog attacking a woman. As the driver slowed down to see if the woman was being helped, Rusin shouted "Mind your own business and get the fuck out of here," according to the arrest affidavit. The mother was able to break free of the dog and run to a neighbor's house for help as Rusin and two other people watched. When the motorist left the scene to call 911, Rusin pulled up behind him, pulled off his shirt and began walking toward him. Rusin then allegedly told the motorist that he was going to "kick his ass." Police arrived on the scene before a fight could ensue. As officers were placing Rusin under arrest, Rusin rammed his shoulder into an officer and then dropped to the ground complaining of shoulder pain. After a brief struggle, Rusin was placed into a patrol car and transported to jail. At the jail, Rusin refused to be fingerprinted and banged his head repeatedly against the cell door. Rusin's girlfriend was told to take her dog to the Animal Welfare League until further notice. She continues to list herself as "in a relationship" with Rusin on her Facebook profile. Photographs of Rusin and a pit bull can be found on her profile. Rusin was booked into the Cook County Jail and charged with battery, domestic battery and assault. His bail has been set at $20,000 Tech Support Pits From: Rosa Re: Windows update stalling Dear Webby Tonight finally was my turn for last Tuesday's Windows bug fix. However, it seemed to stall. Even giving it time to report all my sins to Microsoft and re-installing Windows, nothing happened, just the screen with the message, that I should not turn the computer off. Well, eventually I did anyway. I can sit here looing silly only for so long. What is going on? Rosa Dear Rosa I guess your sins took a lot longer to report this time. Do the update again, and when that "Do not turn the computer off" screen shows up, go and do the dishes and some floors. And have a nap. Eventually it will finish and work like before, just maybe a tad slower. The same as the XP bugfixes slowed it down to the speed of Windows 7, the Windows 7 bugfixes seem to be slowing it down to the speed (or lack thereof) of Windows 8. Supposedly that will make the transition less painful. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Medical Alert Jewelry As a diabetic and a person severely allergic to Tetanus, I needed a medical ID bracelet or necklace. However, even the cheapest ones are upward of $39.95 plus shipping. Ouch! So, at my local department store, I stopped at a machine and spent $5.00 to have a literal dog tag engraved with "Diabetic" on the first line and "Tetanus Allergy" on the second line. With my own chain from home, I now can wear an alert that only cost me $5.00. It's really easy to do and fast, and saves 700% of the cost. Win Win for us frugal folks! By Sandi from Salem, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

A man is struck by a bus on a busy New York City street. He lies on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd, but there's no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. "A priest, please," the injured man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a wrinkled and wizened Jewish man of advanced years. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for 50 years now I've lived behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I've listened to the Catholic rites. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man." The policeman agrees and brings the old man over to where the man lies. The old man kneels down on the sidewalk, leans over the injured victim and intones in a solemn voice: "Under the B - 4. Under the I - 19. Under the N - 38. Under the G - 54. Under the O - 72."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Back in the days when Roman galleys plied the Mediterranean, a crew of oarsmen was sweating and straining to propel the ship through high seas when the first mate appeared. "I've got good news and bad news," he says. "The good news is we've spotted an island, so the plan is to stop, drink rum, hunt a couple of wild boars, have a feast and relax with the native girls." The sailors all cheer in happiness, all but one, who asks, "And what is the bad news?" "Well," the first mate replies, "tomorrow, the captain wants to go water skiing."
» Sliced n Diced


Today, Jan 18, in 
0379 Theodosius installed as co-emperor of East Roman Empire
0570 Mohammed Islamic prophet (Koran) 
1793 French King Louis XVI sentenced to death
1806 Britain occupies the Cape of Good Hope
1808 Louis Napoleon signs 1st Dutch aviation law
1825 Ezra Daggett & nephew Thomas Kensett patent 
   food storage in tin cans 
1829 Johann von Goethe's "Faust, Part 1" premieres
1840 Antarctica discovered, Charles Wilkes expedition 
1903 New bicycle race "Tour de France" announced 
1915 1st German Zeppelin attack over Great Britain, 4 die 
1915 Neon Tube sign patented by George Claude 
1927 British government decides to send troops to China 
1937 Millionaire Howard Hughes sets transcontinental air
   record (7h 28m 25s)
1938 GM began mass production of diesel engines 
1942 Japanese forces invade Burma 
1943 Joint Chiefs of Staff decide on invasion in Sicily
1947 SS Himera runs aground at Athens, kills 392
1950 Maiden flight by Canada's Avro Canada CF-100 military
   plane (First ducted fan jet. Project was scrapped and
   the plane and blueprints packed up and shipped south)
1955 "Scrabble" debuts on board game market
1992 IBM announces a nearly $5B loss for 1992 
1993 Israel recognizes PLO as no longer criminal 
1996 NHL approves move of Winnipeg Jets to Phoenix
2013  smiled


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Removing an address from Windows Live 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, January 18.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!




If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Don't wait. The time will never be just right. --- Napoleon Hill The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. --- Dorothy Parker
A theatergoer who gets to his seat only to find that he's far away from the stage. He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery play, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip." The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter. The usher looks at the quarter, frowns at him, then leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Dale Wisniewski, 45, New Smyrna Beach, Florida Jailed Exposing Herself To Nine Minor Boys Playing Basketball Reported by The Weekly Vice Dale Wisniewski, a 45-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Friday after she allegedly pulled down her pants and exposed herself to a group of boys playing basketball. According to New Smyrna Beach police, officers were dispatched to the Babe James Community Center on Myrtle Avenue after witnesses reported that a woman was exposing herself in public. Investigators say Wisniewski approached a group of nine boys, ages 7 to 14, who were playing basketball outside the community center. That's when she allegedly pulled down her jeans and exposed herself to the boys. When officers arrested Wisniewski and took her to the police station, she allegedly became combative with officers. Wisniewski, who has been arrested at least 14 times in Volusia County alone, was booked into jail and charged with nine counts of lewd and lascivious exhibition and battery on a police officer. Her bond bail has been set at $24,000. Her face looks familiar. Didn't she get a Bonehead Award before? Tech Support Pits From: DJ Re: delete an address from windows live mail how do I delete an address from windows live mail D.J. Hi DJ Most likely you open your list of addresses, highlight the naughty one, and hit DELETE, or right-click it and select Delete. That is how all the other programs do it. I have never used Windows Live Mail. If that does not work, check the built in Help. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing a Broken Window Apply pieces of masking tape to the window in a crisscross pattern on both sides of the window. Then gently tap around the outer edge of the window with a hammer until the glass breaks out. The tape should help keep the window from shattering but be sure to wear protective gloves. By ThriftyFun If you do that, it will cost you twice as much. Normally you tape the window and remove it. Then you take it outside and put it onto a sheet of plastic or plastic tarp, which preferbly is on some plywood. Then you use a sharp putty-knife to losen the moulding strips, that hold the glass against the stationery ledge. When the strips are removed, you take the window and turn it upside down over a dumpster or garbage can. The taped window falls out clean. without leaving a lot of broken splinters between the ledge and the moulding strip. While still over the dumpster, scrape the ledge and moulding to remove putty or fine splinters. Then you are ready to insert a new double-glazing pack or take the frame to a glazier. It is quite simple and fast, as long as you don't use a hammer to double your cost. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

Consider what happened when a governor's most trusted assistant died in his sleep one night. The fellow had been the governor's closest friend, and the governor had depended on him for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. Almost immediately, ambitious office seekers begin besieging the governor with requests to fill the assistant's post. "They don't even have the decency to wait until the man is buried," the governor complains. Even at the funeral, one eager beaver makes his way to the governor's side. "Governor," the man says, "is there a chance that I could take Joe's place?" "Certainly," says the governor. "But you'd better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids. "WOW," the social worker exclaims,"are they ALL YOURS???" "Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats. "Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names." "This one's my oldest - he is Leroy." "OK, and who's next?" "Well, this one he is Leroy, also." The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy! "All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Leroy?" Their Momma replied, "Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes arunnin.' An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy." The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?" "Then I call them by their last names."
» SPCA Pet Adoption


Today, Jan 18, in 
0336 St Mark begins his reign as Catholic Pope 
0350 General Maxentius drives out Western Roman 
   emperor Constans 
0532 Nika uprising at Constantinople fails, 30-40,000 die 
1486 King Henry VII of England marries Elizabeth
1520 Christian II of Denmark & Norway defeats the Swedes
1644 Perplexed Pilgrims in Boston reported America's 1st 
   UFO sighting
1671 Pirate Henry Morgan defeats Spanish defenders, 
   captures Panamá
1733 1st captive polar bear exhibited in America (Boston)
1777 San Jose CA founded
1778 Captain James Cook stumbles over Sandwich Islands 
  (Hawaiian Islands) 
1850 British blockade Piræus, Greece to enforce mercantile 
  claims
1911 1st shipboard landing of a plane (Tanforan Park 
   to USS Pennsylvania) 
1913 Turkish-Greek sea battle near Troy
1915 Train crashes at Colima-Guadalajara Mexico, 
   about 600 die 
1943 Jews in the Warsaw Ghetto begin resistance of Nazis 
1947 Small river steamer sank on Yangtze River, kills 400
1962 US begins spraying foliage in Vietnam to reveal 
   Viet Cong guerrillas 
1964 Plans for the World Trade Center announced 
1974 Israel & Egypt sign weapons accord 
1980 Gold reaches $1,000 an ounce
1981 Iran accepts US offer of $7.9 billion in frozen assets
1983 IOC restores Jim Thorpe's Olympic medals 70 years 
  after they were taken from him for being paid $25 in 
  semipro baseball 
1989 Astronomers discover pulsar in remnants of 
   Supernova 1987A (LMC) 
1990 Washington DC, Mayor Marion Barry arrested in 
   drug enforcement sting 
1991 Iraq launches SCUD missiles against Israel
1991 US acknowledges CIA and US Army paid Noriega $320,000
   over his career 
1996 Lisa Marie Presley filed for divorce from Michael
  Jackson in NY 
2013  smiled


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How to stop Mysterious FireFox crashes 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, January 17

Thank you Admiral James!


Sandie got her wings today.
There won't be any more pictures and jokes from her.
They still have no email upstairs.



Click through for the full story
Do It Yourself Train Wreck

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

All things are difficult before they are easy. --- Dr. Thomas Fuller (1654 - 1734) There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness. --- Franz Kafka (1883 - 1924)
Time to run this one again: JESUS AND SATAN ON THE COMPUTER Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test which will take two hours and I will judge who does the better job." So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job. But, ten minutes before the time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted computers. Satan started searching frantically screaming, "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past 2 hours. Satan observed this and became even more irate. "Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?" God shrugged and said, "Jesus saves!" ---------------- The above is NOT a theological item, it's a pun intended to get you to hit CTRL S now and then.
My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Ashley Stillwell, 24, Mankato, Minn. Jailed After Asking Two Men To Beat Her Husband With Baseball Bats Reported by The Weekly Vice Ashley Stillwell, a 24-year-old Minnesota woman, was jailed after she allegedly asked two men to beat her husband with a baseball bat, all while the victim's children watched. According to the Blue Earth County Sheriff's Office, Stillwell and her husband were arguing over bills when Stillwell left the residence and returned with two men who wore dark hooded sweatshirts. Each man was in possession of an aluminum baseball bat. When the husband, identified as Gary Stillwell, asked the men to leave, they refused and began beating him repeatedly with the bats. The victim told deputies that he was kicked in the face and struck four of five times with a bat during the assault. He also told deputies that he heard his wife tell the attackers "Not in front of my babies." The children told deputies that they witnessed their father being assaulted by the two men. After the assault, the husband found a car key on the floor which was given to the Sheriff's Office. Deputies tracked the key to a Jeep that had been parked a short distance away from the Stillwell's residence. After giving several different stories, Stillwell admitted to asking two men in a Jeep to come to her house and give her husband "an attitude adjustment." Stillwell was booked into jail and charged with second-degree assault with a dangerous weapon. The two assailants have not yet been identified, however, the cops have their jeep. Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: Mysterious Firefox Crashes Dear Webby, I really appreciate your newsletter and respect your tech advice. I am having lots of trouble with Firefox lately, crashing almost every day. I have tried to contact them with no results. I have updated as suggested and am to the point of going back to Internet Explorer Do you have any suggestions? Thanks again Helen Dear Helen It is not FireFox, since nobody else experiences that. Maybe you have more add-ons going, than your computer has memory for. Try disabling all your add-ons, and then enable them one at a time, maybe one every two days. When you get the crashes again, then you know which add-on is causing that. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cedar Shavings for Pantry Pests While it won't do anything about any little hitchhikers already in your food, bugs absolutely hate cedar, so sprinkling a few shavings or hanging up a little bag of it in your pantry may discourage anything investigating the place from hanging around. (Same goes for your closets and drawers.) By JayKay To repel pests you need the fragrant red "Aromatic Cedar", not the white or yellow cedar, that is used for cage floors. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel and says, "Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make. The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way. In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five year old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what they were for. "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by" his father said. "Wouldn't you know it", the boy fumed, "The one Sunday I don't go, He shows up!"
» Haboob


Today, Jan 16, in 
1501 Cesare Borgia returns in triumph to Rome from Romagna 
1718 Avalanche destroys every building in Leukerbad, 
   Switzerland; kills 53 
1746 Battle of Falkirk, Scotland-Prince Charles Edward Stuart 
   defeated by Scots 
1775 9 old women burnt as witches for causing bad harvests,
  Kalisk, Poland 
1821 México permits Moses Austin & 300 US families to settle
  in Texas
1874 Armed Democrats seize Texas government ending 
   Radical Reconstruction
1893 Queen Liliuokalani deposed, Kingdom of Hawaii 
   becomes a republic 
1912 English explorer Robert Falcon Scott & his expedition
  reach the South Pole, only to discover that Roald Amundsen
  had gotten there 1 month before 
1915 Russia occupies Bukovina & Western Ukraine 
1917 US pays Denmark $25 million for the Virgin Islands
1928 1st fully automatic photographic film developing machine
  patented
1929 Popeye makes 1st appearance, in comic strip "Thimble"
1950 11 men rob Brink's office in Boston of $1.2M cash & 
   $1.5M securities
1961 Eisenhower orders the assassination of Congo's Lumumba
1968 Soyuz 4 & 5 completed 1st docking of 2 manned spacecraft
1969 Beatles release Yellow Submarine album in UK 
1983 Nigeria expels 2 million illegal aliens, mostly 
  Ghanaians 
1987 President Reagan signs secret order permitting covert
   sale of arms to Iran 
1989 Gunman opens fire in California schoolyard; 5 students
  slain, 30 wounded
1991 Iraq fires 8 SCUD missiles on Israel - 1st US pilot shot
   down (Jeffrey Zahn)
1994 6.6 Earthquake hits Los Angeles killing 60, $30B damage 
1995 7.2 earthquake destroys Kobe Japan (5,372 die) 
1998 President Clinton faces sexual harassment charges 
   from Paula Jones 
2013  smiled


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Sort by size in Windows 7 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, January 16

US-CERT recommends that Internet Explorer 6,7,8 users 
run today's Windows Update as soon as possible to 
apply the MS13-008 update, and plug a big security hole.


Most of you have seen pictures, stories and jokes from 
Sandie in Cape Coral over the last 15 years. 
The doctors said that Sandie is dying and has maybe two 
weeks left. Let's see if we can give her a boost and prove
them wrong!

Right now we have a storm.
The two foot tall pyramid gong, that Sandie had sent me after
I helped her get through Hurricance Wilma, is making a bigger
racket in the storm than a herd of cop cars.

This is how the storm sky looks now, 5PM



Yes, I know, similar picture to one a few days ago,
but this one has even better colors.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

What luck for rulers that men do not think. --- B.H.Obama Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week. --- George Bernard Shaw
When the waitress brought the customer the soup du jour, the man was a bit dismayed and said, "Good heavens! What is this?" "Why, it's bean soup," she replied. The man said, "I don't care what it has been. What is it now?"
Grandpa Cartmell was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well preserved he appeared. "I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk. Gentlemen, I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Thanks to Jim for this picture of his Night Blooming Cereus Click on the picture for the large version Night Blooming Cereus
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Stephanie Forbes, 40, League City, Tx. Jailed for Ongoing Sexual Relationship With Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Stephanie Forbes, a 40-year-old teacher at Clear Creek High School, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly had an ongoing sexual relationship with a student. According to the Galveston County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched in December after the student's family learned about the alleged relationship and contacted authorities. Little information has been released in the case except that the victim was 16 years of age or younger. Forbes resigned her position with the school district a short time after learning that an investigation into the alleged relationship had begun. Forbes was booked into jail and charged with sexual assault of a child and improper relationship between educator and student. She was released after posting bond and has been ordered to stay away from children while the case is pending. Tech Support Pits From: Wes Re: Sorting by size Dear Webby, I used to be able to look at a directory of all my files on Windows to see if there were any big files that I could delete, but am unable to locate a way to do that now. Any answers for Windows 7, oh wise one??? Wes Dear Wes In the File Explorer look near the top left for an icon, that looks like what you are used to seeing as the icon for bulleted lists. Beside that is a tiny pull-down arrow. Pull that down and select Details. Then you can again sort by size. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cedar Shavings for Pantry Pests While it won't do anything about any little hitchhikers already in your food, bugs absolutely hate cedar, so sprinkling a few shavings or hanging up a little bag of it in your pantry may discourage anything investigating the place from hanging around. (Same goes for your closets and drawers.) The shavings themselves are the same kind you'll find in any pet store, though exposure to cedar in large quantities or enclosed spaces can actually be toxic to small animals, so I wouldn't suggest ever buying the stuff for its intended use. By JayKay For pest control you have to use aromatic (red) cedar, not the white or yellow cedar, that is used for cage lining and similar purposes. The aromatic cedar is toxic, not just to small animals. A tiny splinter will cause a painful inflammation even in an adult. You can buy aromatic cedar at most lumber yards quite cheaply. Just get a small board and rasp or saw or sand it to get enough small stuff to fill some sachets. Just be careful that you don't get any splinters! If you sand it, use a good face mask. "Hope Chests" used to be lined with aromatic cedar to repel moths, and linens kept in those Hope Chests never went bad. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

"Old Jethro's next door's a-makin' moonshine again." the wife told her husband. "How can you tell ?" he asked. "Did you smell it ?" "Nope. But a bunch of mice from his place came over here this morning and beat up our cats."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
» Comical Telephrumps


Today, Jan 16, in 
1219 Floods in Northern Netherlands after storm, 1,000s killed
1493 Columbus returns to Spain on his 1st trip
1547 Ivan IV the Terrible (17) crowns himself 1st tsar of Russia
1581 English parliament passes laws against Catholicism
1765 Charles Messier catalogs M41 (galactic cluster in Canis Major)
1868 Refrigerator car patented by William Davis, Detroit
1877 Color organ (for light shows) patented, by Bainbridge Bishop
1909 British explorer Ernest Shackleton finds magnetic south pole
1919 Prohibition ratified by 3/4 of the states; Nebraska is 36th
1920 18th Amendment, prohibition, becomes the law of the land - 
   one year after ratification; it is repealed in 1933
1920 Georgia declares independence
1939 Comic strip "Superman" debuts
1941 US vice admiral Bellinger warns of an assault on 
   Pearl Harbor
1951 Viet Minh offensive against Hanoi
1953 Egyptian Premier General Naguib disbands all political parties
1956 Egyptian President Nassar pledges to reconquer Palestine
1963 Khrushchev claims to have a 100-megaton nuclear bomb
1970 Colonel Kadhaffi becomes premier of Libya
1979 Shah Mohammed Reza Pahlevi of Iran flees Iran for Egypt
1981 Boxer Leon Spinks is mugged, his assailants even 
   take his gold teeth
1985 "Playboy" announces end of stapling centerfolds
1989 USSR announces plan for 2-year manned mission to Mars
1991 Operation Desert Storm begins - US & 27 allies 
   attack Iraq for occupying Kuwait
2013  smiled


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Java again! 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, January 15

Thank you, Linda!

It looks like the French troops in Mali are going to get
chased all over the place. They sent their best elite 
regular troops, looking like scared, undernourished, 
big-city gang members. Even after the French Air Force 
bombed the Islamists for hours, their ground troops were
chased and the Islamists took another town.

Eduardo del Buey, a United Nations spokesman, said Monday 
that an estimated 30,000 Malian civilians may have been 
displaced since the French started "fighting" last week. 

If they want to make a noticeable difference, they will have
to send in the French Foreign Legion. You can tell the 
difference instantly. Instead of pale and scared kids, the
Legionaires are usually older, well fed and muscled, and
because they live in Madagascar and on Corsica, are quite
nicely tanned, as you would expect from somebody, who chooses
to sign up for training and body-building in the sunshine
for 25 years, or whatever time it takes, until what he had 
done is no longer a reason to chase him. 

I worked in Corsica one summer and got to know some 
Legionaires. Unless things have changed drastically, those 
guys would not have been chased out of town by the Islamists.

So for now, France is just dropping bombs. Lots of them, 
and hopes to get reasonably accurate by mid summer.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability. ---George Bernard Shaw In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. --- Thomas Jefferson Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain
The Greenbaum twins had stumbled across a dead horse. 'What shall we do with it?' asked Johnathan. 'Let's raffle it,' said Joseph. '£2 a ticket, limited sale of 201 tickets.' 'But what happens when the winner finds out it's dead?' reasoned Johnathan. 'So, we'll give him his money back!' was the reply.
As the funeral procession went by, the American tourist inquired of a Dublin policeman: 'Who's dead?' 'I'm not sure,' said the Bobby, 'but I think it's the feller in the front car.'
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Vanessa Brooks, 22, St. Petersburg, Florida Jailed After Stealing Police Cruiser, Fleeing To McDonalds Reported by The Weekly Vice Vanessa Brooks, a 22-year-old Florida woman was jailed Saturday after she allegedly stole a cell phone, stole an officer's patrol car and then fled to a McDonalds in Tampa. According to the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office, police had been called to a St. Petersburg apartment complex on a domestic violence complaint when one of the officers left his patrol car running because a fight was in progress at the scene. Another officer arrived on the scene and parked directly behind the first officer, but did not leave the keys in the car. While the officers were dealing with the domestic dispute, Brooks flagged down a motorist on a nearby road - then reached into his vehicle, grabbed a cell phone out of his car and then fled on foot. She then ran to a nearby apartment building, where police were dealing with the domestic dispute case. She got into the running police cruiser, backed into the parked cruiser, then took off with the vehicle. The officers were unaware of the incident until they were finished with the domestic case. According to the Tampa Bay Police Department, the stolen cruiser was spotted by officers around 10:00 p.m. with Brooks sitting in the driver's seat. When Brooks saw an officer approach her, she jumped out of the patrol car and fled on foot. She was apprehended a short distance away. Brooks was booked into the Hillsborough County Jail and charged with grand theft auto, obstructing an officer, and burglary. Amazing what some people will do just to get a free glamor shot at the Hillsborough County Sheriffs office! Tech Support Pits From: Darla Re: Java Again Dear Webby, What are your thoughts on the lastest Java News ? Read a clip that is advising people to disable Java & have read other info to update it. I have version 6, update 31. I do have McAfee and wanted to know if I need to do anything. Always appreciate your advice & love your humor letter too. Thanks, Darla Dear Darla Everybody and their dog is trying to get listed as having also commented about Java. Ho Hum. That was Sunday's topic. As I have mentioned, it is easy enough to disable from your browser, and you can just as easily enable it, if you need it for banking. And disable it again afterward. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Epsom Salts For Fabric Softener If you are out of fabric softener, add 1 Tbsp. of Epsom salts to your rinse cycle to make your towels fluffy. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

'She's a horrible woman,' said Murphy about his mother-in-law. 'She makes her own yoghurt. She puts a pint of milk on the table and stares at it!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A teacher caught a student in the hall during class time and said, "Brooke, tell me, whose class you're cutting this time?" The young teen said, "Like, uh, see, okay, like it's like, I really don't like, think like, that's really important, y'know, like because I'm, y'know, like I don't get anything out of it." The teacher smiled and said, "It's your English class, isn't it?"
» Rainbows


Today, Jan 15, in 
0946 Caliph al-Mustaqfi blinded and ousted
1346 Emperor Louis IV of Bavaria gives Holland/Zealand to 
  his wife Margaretha, 
1535 Henry VIII declares himself head of English Church
1552 France signs secret treaty with German Protestants
1582 Russia cedes Livonia & Estonia to Poland, loses 
   access to the Baltic
1586 Battle at Boxum. Spanish troops under Tassis 
   beat state army
1777 People of New Connecticut (Vermont) declare 
   independence from England
1785 Mozarts string quartet opus 10 premieres
1831 1st US-built locomotive to pull a passenger train
1861 Steam elevator patented by Elisha Otis
1863 1st US newspaper printed on wood-pulp paper, 
   Boston Morning Journal
1870 Donkey 1st used as symbol of Democratic Party, 
   in Harper's Weekly
1895 Tchaikovsky's ballet "Swan Lake" premieres, St Petersburg
1907 3-element vacuum tube patented by Dr Lee de Forest
1907 Gold dental inlays 1st described by William Taggart, 
   who invented them
1915 Japan claims economic control of China
1919 2 million gallons of molasses "Tidal wave" 
   Boston MA, drowning 21
1923 Lithuania seizes & annexes the country of Memel
1934 8.4 earthquake in India/Nepal, 10,700 die
1935 300 Dutch ice cream salesmen protest against Italian
  competition
1936 1st all-glass windowless structure in US completed, 
   Toledo, Ohio
1943 1,000 workers complete the air conditioning system 
   for the Pentagon
1943 Japanese driven off Guadalcanal
1949 Mao's Red army conquers Ten-tsin
1951 "Cloud of Death" rolls down Mount Lamington, 
   New Guinea kills 3-5,000
1955 USSR ends state of war with German Federal Republic
1962 Dutch & Indonesian navy encounter in Etna Bay New Guinea
1964 Teamsters negotiate 1st national labor contract
1971 George Harrison releases "My Sweet Lord"
1971 Russian financed Aswan Dam official opens in Egypt
1973 President Nixon suspends all US offensive action in 
   North Vietnam
1974 "Happy Days" begins an 11 year run on ABC
1988 Arab uprising in Israel begins
1991 UN's deadline for Iraq to withdraw from Kuwait passes - 
   (they don't)
1992 Bulgaria recognizes Macedonia
1994 Queen Elizabeth falls off her horse & breaks her left wrist
1998 NASA announces John Glenn, 76, may fly in space again
2013  smiled


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Now you need IE7 or IE8 on your machine to get McAfee updates 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, January 14

The days are noticeably longer.
Soon they will get warmer too.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Only sick music makes money today. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) Silly is you in a natural state, and serious is something you have to do until you can get silly again. --- Mike Myers
One day, Doug was playing ball in the house, which was strictly against the rules, and he accidentally broke a vase in the living room. "Oh, no, my mom's gonna kill me!", he thought desperately. He frantically tried to fix it, any way he could. But tape, glue, even Superglue wouldn't hold all the shards together. He finally left the pieces in a pile on the table, and went to hide in his room. Soon, his mother came home, and he heard her calling him. "Doug, do you know who broke my vase? It's in here all in pieces!" Doug tried to drum up his courage, but at the last minute, he found himself answering, "No, Mom, I don't know." He cringed, waiting for her answer. "That's funny," she said, appearing at his door. "I wanted to thank whoever it was. I've never liked that ugly thing, and if it had not been a gift from your daddy's mom, I would have broken it myself years ago!"
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth . . ."
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Click on the picture for the large version Uh-Oh!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jonathon Sullivan, 31, Tewksbury, New Hampshire Picked The Wrong Spot To Burn Off A Buzz Reported by The Weekly Vice Jonathon Sullivan, a 31-year-old Tewksbury man was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly drove drunk to a police station parking lot, where he proceeded to catch a few ZZZ's. According to Windham Police, a dispatcher was viewing live surveillance video of the police station parking lot at about 1:45 a.m. when she spotted a suspicious vehicle parked in the employee parking lot with its engine still running. An officer sent to check on the vehicle found Sullivan asleep in the driver's seat. Officers woke him up and administered a field sobriety test, which he failed. He was apprehended at the scene. Sullivan was booked into jail and charged with driving while intoxicated. He was released after posting a $500 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Steff Re: McAfee Update Dear Webby, I do hope that the injections are helping your eyes. Every time you have to go I am amazed at how much courage it takes - I doubt that I could do it. I have McAfee software on my computer, and I have been using Firefox instead of Explorer, but lately I have been getting a message from McAfee that the updates cannot be installed until I get a more recent version of Internet Explorer. I downloaded the IE7 and IE8 blockers that you have on your "tools" page and I have had no problem with McAfee updates until about a month ago. I know that you use McAfee and you do not use Internet Explorer, so have you had any similar messages? Do you have any suggestions? The simpler the better since I mostly use my computer for email and am lost with anything more technical. Thanks for all of your tech help, and my doctors appreciate the jokes. They are disappointed when I don't have one to tell them at the end of my appointments. Stay well. Steff Dear Steff Currently, and unfortunately, I am using Windows 7. Until the day my XP died, I have used only Firefox there too. I did a whole bunch of searching and it looks like Microsoft has gained control of McAfee. Since then, you need to have IE7 or IE8 installed for Microsoft&McAfee updates. You are allowed to use Firefox for regular work, but for Microsoft&McAfee updates, you have to have IE7 or IE8 ON the machine. It doesn't use it, of course, but it checks if you have it ON the machine. I even wasted almost an hour waiting for and arguing with the Taliban at Microsoft&McAfee. They told me exactly the same. The good news from Microsoft directly is that even with the blocker installed, you can manually download and install IE8. Just download and install it, so that Microsoft&McAfee will stop sniveling. You don't have to actually use it. Also, the current version of IE8 seems to be harmless and not causing any problems. Sorry to be the bearer of sad news, but unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about that. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Dish Drainer to Organize Your Desk Dish drainers are cheap nowadays and can be bought at the dollar store. You can use them to organize your desk and kids books in their rooms. Some drainers even have silverware holders to hold your pens and pencils. I thought this was a cool idea! Source: Simply Frugal By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

My friend's husband always teases her about her lack of in- terest in household chores. One day he came home with a gag gift, a refrigerator magnet that read: "Martha Stewart doesn't live here." The next day he came home to find the magnet holding up a slip of paper. The note read: "Neither does Bob Vila."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and carousing?' said the do-gooder. 'It's too late,' replied Murphy. 'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous one. 'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy.
» 3D Pencil Art


Today, Jan 14, in 
1641 United East Indian Company conquerors city of Malakka, 
   7,000 killed
1659 Battle at Elvas Portuguese beat Spanish
1690 Clarinet is invented, in Nüremberg, Germany
1699 Massachusetts holds day of fasting for wrongly 
   persecuting "witches"
1717 German mob leader "Sjako" sentenced to death in Amsterdam
1746 Bonnie Prince Charlie's army leaves Glasgow
1783 Congress ratifies peace treaty between US & England
1784 Revolutionary War ends; Congress ratifies the Treaty 
   of Paris
1785 Mozart completes "Dissonantenquartet" (opus 10)
1794 Dr Jessee Bennet of Edom VA, performs 1st successful 
   Cesarean section operation on his wife
1799 Eli Whitney receives government contract for 10,000 muskets
1799 King of Naples flees before the advancing French armies
1814 King of Denmark cedes Norway to King of Sweden
1858 French Emperor Napoleon III escapes attempt on his life 
  by Felice Orsini, an Italian patriot who was later executed
1861 Fort Pikens FL falls into state hands
1863 Battle between gunboats at Bayou Teched LA
1864 General Sherman begins his march to the South
1897 6,960-m (22,834') Cerro Aconcagua (Argentina) 1st climbed
1914 Henry Ford introduces assembly line, for T-Fords
1916 Dutch South Sea dike cracks
1929 Afghan King Amanullah forced to resign
1935 Oil pipeline Iraq-Mediterranean goes into use
1939 All commercial ferry service to East Bay ends
1939 Norway claims Queen Maud Land in Antarctica
1942 Japanese troops land at oil center Balikpapan in Borneo
1950 US recalls all consular officials from China
1950 "As the Girls Go" closes at Winter Garden Theater New 
   York City NY after 420 performances
1952 Snow storm in Sierra NV kills 26
1953 Yugoslavia elects its 1st president (Marshal Tito)
1954 Marilyn Monroe marries baseball star, New York Yankee,
   Joe DiMaggio
1960 US Army promoted Elvis Presley to Sergeant
1963 George C Wallace sworn in as Governor of Alabamaorever!"
1964 Jacqueline Kennedy's 1st public appearance (TV) 
   since assassination
1967 Sonny & Cher release "The Beat Goes On"
1967 Earthquake in Sicily kills 231
1969 25 members of US aircraft carrier Enterprise die 
   during maneuvers
1973 Tap dancer Ray Castle measured at 1440 taps/minutes 
   on BBC TV
1975 USSR breaks trade agreement with US
1989 1,000 muslims burn Rushdies' "Satanic Verses" in 
   Bradford England
1993 Polish ferry boat capsizes in storm, 50 die
1995 10,000s South Africans attend state funeral of Joe Slovo
2013  smiled


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Phony Java Alert 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, January 13

Thank you, Sig!


Click through for the big version

Looks like we are going to have a beautiful day 
in the morning!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

All great truths begin as blasphemies. --- George Bernard Shaw Work to become, not to acquire. --- Confucius It's a great satisfaction knowing that for a brief point in time you made a difference. --- Socratex
Minister, after listening to an impromptu campaign speech, "Before I vote for you for sheriff, I'd like to know if you partake of intoxicating beverages?" Candidate for sheriff, "Before I answer, tell me if this is an inquiry or an invitation."
>From Marion During an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely for two days. To help me communicate with him, my husband devised a system of taps. One tap meant, "Give me a kiss," two taps meant "Yes," seven taps meant "No," and 95 taps meant "Take out the garbage."
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Click on the picture for the large version One of Brenda's Tennessee Walking Horses playing
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Trudy Miller, 34, Crowley, Louisiana Jailed After Sending Herself Threatening Messages, Blaming Estranged Boyfriend Reported by The Weekly Vice Trudy Miller, a 34-year-old Louisiana woman, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly sent threatening messages to herself in an attempt to gain sole custody of a child she shares with her estranged boyfriend. According to Crowley Police, an investigation was launched after Miller filed 5 complaints with the department stating that she was being threatened and harassed by her estranged boyfriend. Investigators say Crowley showed them text messages on her cell phone that she claimed came from her boyfriend's cell phone. The messages were increasingly hostile and threatened bodily harm to her. When officers spoke with Miller's estranged boyfriend, he repeatedly insisted that he didn't send the messages and no longer owned the phone that was used to send them. Detectives investigated further and found that Miller was in possession of the phone in question. The boyfriend had left the phone with Miller when the couple broke up. "We also revealed that over 30 threatening text messages received on Miller's phone had been in fact sent to Miller's phone by Miller," said Crowley Police Chief, K.P. Gibson. "With criminal charges pending for stalking, Miller thought she would get full custody (of the couple's child)," said Gibson. Miller was booked into the Acadia Parish Jail and charged with a felony count of false swearing for violation of health or safety (filing a false police report). Her bid for getting full custody AND ALIMONY is on hold. Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: Java Hi Webby I heard we may want to temporally disable Java because of a hacker problem. How do you do that. I have never done anything with Java but update it. I am not even sure what it does and I have only been computering since 1998 So please teach me. Dear Ron If you have proper protection, like for example McAfee, then don't worry. If you don't have proper protection, then you are in trouble anyway and disabling Java won't make any difference. If you do want to disable Java, in FireFox click on TOOLS, Add-Ons, and in there find Java and click to disable it. Depending on where you browse to, having Java disabled can lock you out, or it won't make a difference. Most banks require Java to be enabled, and also most sites, that have any interactive features. If you don't have good overall protection, you can always enable Java for your banking, and after that, turn it off. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Fishing Line for Cake Cutter Fishing line is a great cake cutter when you want to avoid the cake and icing transferring to the next piece. We did this at my wedding to avoid the vanilla and chocolate cake from mixing and making the icing on the cake look sloppy. I now use the line for my kids party cakes the icing stays where it's supposed to and I don't have to hear kids saying their chocolate has white on it or vise versa. By Kristi from Deer Park, TX By momoffour Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

A man was on a hiking holiday in Wales. He became thirsty, so he decided to stop at a stranger's home to ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen -- running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ummm, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Sandie Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp. The quite smaller one turned to the quite bigger one and said, "I jes can't unnerstand hows you kin be so much bigger'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it." "Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin', boy?" "Politicians - same as you," replied the small 'gator. "Hmmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?" "Down 'tother side of the old swamp near the parkin' lot by the capitol." "Same here. Hmmm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexuses and wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jumps out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. Ya see, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a politician, there ain't nothin' left but an mouth and a briefcase."
» 3D Pencil Art


Today, Jan 13, in 
0888 Duke Odo becomes king of West-France
1099 Crusaders set fire to Mara Syria
1559 Elizabeth I crowned queen of England in Westminster
  Abbey
1610 Galileo Galilei discovers Callisto, 4th satellite 
  of Jupiter 
1830 Great fire in New Orleans thought to be set by 
  rebel slaves 
1849 Vancouver Island granted to Hudson's Bay Co
1854 Anthony Foss patents the accordion
1863 Chenille manufacturing machine patented by William 
   Canter, New York City NY
1863 Thomas Crapper pioneers one-piece pedestal 
   flushing toilet 
1874 US troops land in Honolulu to protect the king
1883 Fire in circus Ferroni in Berditschoft Poland kills 430
1915 Earthquake in Avezzano Italy kills 30,000
1927 US & Mexico battle over oil interests 
1935 Plebiscite in Saar, indicates a desire (90.3%) to join
  Nazi Germany 
1942 German U-boats begin harassing shipping on US east 
   coast 
1942 Henry Ford patents a method of constructing plastic
  auto bodies 
1951 9 Jewish Kremlin physicians "exposed" as British/US
  agents; known as the Doctors' Plot 
1958 9,000 "scientists" of 43 nations petition UN for 
  nuclear test ban 
1968 Beginning of Tet-offensive in Vietnam
1980 Head of narcotic brigade arrested for drug smuggling 
   in Belgium
1985 Express train derails in Ethiopia, kills at least 428
1987 7 top New York Mafia bosses sentenced to 100 years 
   in prison each 
1998 CBS pays $4 billion to televise AFC games for 8-years 
2013  smiled


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Explain how IF formulas work in spreadsheets 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, January 12

-17 and a stiff North Wind makes the walk to the Post office
quite unpleasant, but coming back is fun, with the wind 
pushing at my back, and the sun thawing out my face.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. --- Augusten Burroughs Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. --- Lily Tomlin
Moishe is being interrogated by the Russian Government: Govt. official: "If you had a yacht, what would you do with it?" Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia." Govt. Official: "And if you had a palace, what would you do with it?" Moishe: "Give it to Mother Russia." Govt. Official: "And if you had a sweater, what would you do with it?" No reply. Government official asks the question again. And still no reply. Finally he shouts: "Moishe, why don't you reply?" Moishe: "Because I have a sweater."
Going to the front desk of New York's exclusive Pierre Hotel, Mr. Mendelbaum requested some stationery. The clerk asked, "Are you a guest at the hotel?" Mr. Mendelbaum snapped indignantly, "No, I am not a guest. I am paying $300 a day!"
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Click on the picture for the large version Snow In Jerusalem 1-10-2013 No gullible Warming there either!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brenda Shumann, 51, Vera Beach, Florida Jailed After Confronting Estranged Husband And New Girlfriend With Rifle, Defecating On Floor Reported by The Weekly Vice Brenda Schumann, a 51-year-old Vero Beach woman was jailed after she allegedly defecated on her estranged husband's floor after finding him in bed with his new girlfriend. According to the Indian River County Sheriff's Office, Brenda Schumann and her husband are in the process of a divorce and Mrs. Schumann moved out of the couple's home several months ago. There was just one problem. Mrs. Schumann didn't forget where all the guns in the house were kept. Investigators say Schumann forced her way into her husband's home, armed herself with a rifle that was stored inside the house and then stormed into her husband's bedroom where he was sleeping naked with his new girlfriend. She then allegedly pointed the rifle at the couple and told them that she was going to kill them both. As Mrs. Schumann argued with her estranged husband, the female victim attempted to grab the gun, prompting Mrs. Schumann to kick her several times. Mr. Schumann, feeling a bit inferior to his girlfriend at this point, jumped into the fray and wrestled the gun away from Mrs. Schumann. He then hid the gun in a closet. The bewildered Mrs. Schumann left the bedroom and proceeded to urinate on the floor of a hallway that extended to the bedroom. Unsatisfied with saturating the carpet with her urine, she then proceeded down to the kitchen where she defecated on the floor. Inspired with a renewed sense of purpose, Mrs. Shumann found another rifle that was stored in the house and began breaking pictures, mirrors, Christmas decorations, and other belongings. She then left in her vehicle still carrying the second rifle. When officers went to her residence to question her, she initially opened the door but then slammed it shut in the officers' faces. They did not like that and she was taken into custody a short time later. During a police interview, Schumann asked the officers "I found him in bed with a naked chick. What was I supposed to do?" Apparently she believed that even after moving out, she still owned him and could demand everlasting celibacy. Officers involved were just glad they aren't in the housecleaning business. Schumann was booked into jail and was charged with aggravated domestic assault, and resisting arrest without violence. More charges are likely to follow. Tech Support Pits From: Annelie Re: Spreadsheet Dear Webby I was quite impressed with your automatic date comparison formula for Excel, and have of course copied it carefully. It works exactly as you described, if the date is in the warning zone, it puts it into the first column. Fancy! I played around with it a bit, and got it to do different things, but I don't really understand how to craft formulas like that from scratch. How do they work? Thanks Annelie Dear Annelie The heart of that formula is the "=IF" (In Quattro it would be @IF) "=IF" starts the IF comparison Lets say you put the formula into the top cell of the left-most column, into A1 Into the second column put a bunch of random numbers The same with the thrird, the C column. Now write into A1 =IF(B1>C1,"Larger","Smaller") The formula checks IF B1 is Larger (>) than C1 IF that is TRUE, then it prints the first option, the word "Larger", into A1, where the formula is. IF that comparison is FALSE, then it prints the second option, the word "Smaller". Now copy the formula and paste it down the first column. You will see, wherever the number in the second column is larger, it prints or shows the word "Larger". Now, go back to A1. We are going to mess with the formula. Instead of "Smaller" as the second option, just put two double quotes "" with nothing in between them. Copy the formula and paste it down the first column. As you probably suspected, now it shows a blank cell, whenever the comparison was False. Clear enough? OK, so we will mess with it some more! Go to A1 change the formula to =IF(B1>C1,"B1+C1","B1-C1") What we did, we told that if the comparison is true, then ADD what is in B1 plus C1, but if it is false, then subtract B1 from C1. Go ahead, copy the formula from A1 and paste it down the first column. As you saw, you can put all kinds of further formulas into the Result options of the IF formula, not just text. Now go to cell D1 and type: Your invoice is due And into cell E1 type Thank you for paying Copy both D1 and E1 down their columns And change the formula in A1 to =IF(B1>C1,D1,E1) Now, if the IF comparison is true, it prints whatever is in D1 but if it is False, it prints whatever is in E1 Copy the formula down the A column. You see how you can use the formula to automatically generate the text to put into an email. You can, of course write much more than just one line and count on the word-wrap in the email program. ALT and ENTER gives you a line break, two of them give you a paragraph break. Instead of just numbers in the second and third column, you can of course put dates and make it more useful. The comparison spots don't have to be adjacent to the formula. They can even be on different sheets! If you have the dates to compare on Sheet 2, then you would use =IF(Sheet2!B3>Sheet2!C3,D3,E3) Sheet2!B3 tells it to look at the data in B3 on Sheet 2, On Quattro, you would use B: for the second sheet, C: for the third, and so on. That means you can have a nice, clean front page, pulling data or looking up data and text on other sheets. You could, for example, have payment dates on sheet 2, and response texts on sheet 3. If you don't watch it, that kind of tricks will get you organized before you know it! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Smoke Free Items Online I've seen a lot of complaints about items purchased on eBay smelling bad. It happened to me too. I bought a vintage perfume and the presentation box so reeked of cigarette smoke, I had to throw that beautiful box away. So now, before bidding, I contact the seller and ask, "Does this item have any odors of tobacco products, pets, or cooking on it?". Beware of vague answers like, "I don't know", "I'm not sure", "I don't think so", "I can't tell" etc. You get the picture. If items have no odors, the seller will come right out and tell you. Especially beware of sellers who don't answer the question at all. Be sure to save the email. Unfortunately, some sellers are dishonest. You can use the email to file a complaint under "item misrepresented". Happy shopping! By perfume and powder from Chesapeake, VA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

PATIENT REPORTS The following quotes are reported to have been taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians... * By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. * Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. * On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared. * The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983. * Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. * I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor. * The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him. * Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful. * The patient refused an autopsy. * The patient has no past history of suicides. * The patient expired on the floor uneventfully. * Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital. * The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. * She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. * The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints. * The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. * She is numb from her toes down. * The skin was moist and dry. * Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. * Coming from Detroit, this man has no children. * Patient was alert and unresponsive. * When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple trying to break into society hosted a dinner party. As the guests were enjoying their dinner salad, the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid informed her that the cat had climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of the salmon's midsection. The hostess decided to drive to the corner store to get some canned salmon to fill the eaten portion. Later, as the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess into the kitchen and announced while wringing her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead." The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their stomachs pumped. Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put the cat. "It is still out on the driveway where you ran over it on the way back from the corner store."
» Best Winter Trips


Today, Jan 12, in 
1493 Last day for all Jews to leave Sicily 
1807 Gunpowder-ship explodes in Leiden Netherlands, 150 die
1812 1st cargo arrives in New Orleans by steam, from Natchez
1839 Anthracite coal 1st used to smelt iron, Mauch Chunk PA
1896 1st X-ray photo in US (Dr Henry Smith, Davidson NC) 
1929 Seatrain (RR cars on ships) service begins, 
   New Orleans-Havana 
1937 Plow for laying submarine cable patented
1943 Frankfurters replaced by Victory Sausages (mix of 
   meat & soy meal) 
1945 US Task Force 38 destroys 41 Japanese ships in 
   Battle of South China Sea 
1950 Swedish tanker rams British submarine Truculent 
   in Thames, 64 die 
1954 Austria's worst avalanche-kills 200; 
   9hours later 2nd one-kills 115 
1970 Boeing 747 makes its maiden voyage 
1990 Romania bans Communist party (1st Warsaw Pact 
   member to do so) 
1994 Malcolm X's daughter arrested for plotting 
   Louis Farrakhan's murder 
2013  smiled


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Excel formula for IF and the DATE 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, January 9

By the time you read this, I will be on the way to
Calgary for more injections into my eyes.
That means there won't be any newsletters on 
Thursday, Friday, and probably Saturday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. --- Thomas Jones
>From Ed My father is a skilled CPA who is not great at self-promotion. So when an advertising company offered to put my father's business placard in the shopping carts of a supermarket, my dad jumped at the chance. Fully a year went by before we got a call that could be traced to those placards. "Richard Larson, CPA?" the caller asked. "That's right," my father answered. "May I help you?" "Yes," the voice said. "One of your shopping carts is in my yard, and I want you to come and get it."
Chinese Switchboard: Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? Operator : Yes, you can speak to me. Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan! Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this? Caller: I'm Sum Wan, and I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent. Operator: I know U are someone and U want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about? Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother, Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital. Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this! Caller: You are so rude! Who are you? Operator: I'm Saw Lee. Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Taped Icelander Bonehead tapd to chair after becoming unruly during flight. Reported by The Weekly Vice An unidentified man aboard a flight from Iceland to New York was reportedly restrained by the flight crew and passengers after he allegedly became unruly during the flight and threatened the safety of other passengers. Witnesses say the man began to choke a woman seated next to him while screaming that the plane was going to crash. Efforts to calm the man down failed, prompting passengers and flight crew to restrain the man with duct tape and plastic zip ties. According to the port authority of New York and New Jersey, a 46-year-old man was taken into custody at JFK airport after he became intoxicated and created a disturbance during the flight. Because the passengers and crew had to meet connecting flights or meet relatives, they did not want to spend time giving detailed statements and so prosecutors declined to charge the bonehead. It seems he was released after he had sobered up. Tech Support Pits From: Lisa Re: Spreadsheet IF formula Dear Webby I use an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of birthdays. I got the dates in the second column, and need a formula to put the date also in the first column, if the date is within one day of today or before. Can that be done? Lisa Dear Lisa Yes, sure! Type or paste this into the topmost cell of the area, where you got the dates in the second column: =IF(B1-2<.TODAY(),B1,"") (Ignore the red period, that is just to make the formula show as a formula on all email programs.) Then copy that down as far as where the dates in the second column end. All the birthdays, that are within the range you specify between the - and the < will show up in the first column. If the first column shows some silly number, then format that column to show in date format. To make it a bit more elegant, insert a new row above all that stuff, and type column headings into it. If column K is free, put for example the number 3 into the top there. Then edit the formula to read =IF(B1-$K$1<.TODAY(),B1,"") (Ignore the red period, that is just to make the formula show as a formula on all email programs.) and copy that down the first column. Now the formula will look up what you got in K1 and use that as the criteria, in this case, 3 You will get a safety margin of whatever you got in K1 days minus 1. If you want a 7 day safety margin, put 8 into K1 You can change the safety margin without messing with the dates. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Old Liquid Makeup as a Fun Learning Tool Use old liquid makeup for a fun learning tool. There are some foundation liquids that I don't like or they get old so I lay waxed paper down and let my granddaughter practice her letter writing. It is a fun, tactile way to use up some of the old makeup instead of throwing it away. By lnygaard By LMN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of her first child. When I telephoned the hospital to see if the baby had arrived, the nurse said it had. I asked if it was a boy or girl and was told that it was against hospital policy to give this information over the phone. "Fine," I said. "I can understand that. But can you tell me what she didn't have?" "It wasn't a boy," came the reply.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The teacher told the kids to draw a grassy meadow and a cow eating the grass. By the end of the hour, all the kids had some more or less artistic rendering of that topic, except for . had a blank page. So the teacher asked, "Where is your grass?" answered: "The cow ate it all." Then the teacher asked: "Where is the cow?" answered: "When there was no grass left, the cow walked away. ---------------------- If you have "Mrs Endaphelia Crofton-Dinglebert-Smythe III" in the filed, where I had asked you to put your FIRST NAME, then that joke falls flat. Tell me what your first name is, and I will fix that.
» Amazing Photos


Today, Jan 9, in 
1349 700 Jews of Basel Switzerland, burned alive in their
  houses
1493 1st sight of manatees (by Christopher Columbus) 
1570 Tsar Ivan the terrible kills 1000-2000 residents 
   of Novgorod 
1760 Afghans defeat Marathas in battle of Barari Ghat 
1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard makes 1st balloon flight in 
   North America
1839 Daguerrotype photo process announced at French 
   Academy of Science 
1839 Thomas Henderson measures 1st stellar parallax 
   (Alpha Centauri) 
1855 Clipper Guiding Star disappears in Atlantic, 480 die
1861 1st hostile act of Civil War; Star of the West fired on,
   Sumter SC
1861 Mississippi becomes 2nd state to secede
1880 6' (1.8 meters) of snow falls in Seattle in 5 days
1912 US marines invade Honduras 
1936 Semi-automatic rifles adopted by US army
1941 6,000 Jews exterminated in pogrom in Bucharest Romania
1945 US soldiers led by General Douglas MacArthur invade
   Philippines 
1951 Life After Tomorrow, 1st film to receive an "X" rating,
   premieres
1956 Abigail Van Buren's "Dear Abby" column 1st appears 
   in newspapers
1964 Anti-US rioting breaks out in the Panamá Canal Zone
1969 Concorde jetliner's 1st test flight (Bristol England) 
1972 Billionaire Howard Hughes said Clifford Irving's 
   biography is a fake
1972 Passenger ship Queen Elizabeth destroyed by fire 
1980 63 beheaded in Mecca, Saudi Arabia 
1985 Calgary Flames set NHL record 264th regular season game
   without being shut-out 
1987 Chinese/Vietnamese border fights, 1500 killed 
1995 Ecuador & Peru involve in boundary fight 
1998 Decapitated head of Danish Little Mermaid is returned
1998 Hockey News selects Wayne Gretzky best NHL player ever 
2013  smiled


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Quacking a Telemarketer 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, January 8

To the thousands who wrote about Pearl Harbor:
Yes, you are right and I was wrong.
Somehow the history feed got messed up and I had 
Dec 7 instead of January 7.
Sorry about that!

I will write a Wednesday newsletter, but tomorrow morning 
I have to go to Calgary and get more injections into my 
eyeballs. That means there won't be any newsletters on 
Thursday, Friday, and probably Saturday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. --- Arthur C. Clarke The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously. --- Henry Kissinger
Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up. Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, "Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?" They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. "Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me." Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares: "Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home." "Tell him to drop dead!", says Murphy's wife. "OK, if you insist. I'll go tell him." says Gallagher
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Zachariah Dalton Howard, 22, in Niceville, Florida Jailed After Failing To Successfully Rob Convenience Store, Calling His Mother For A Ride Home Niceville, Florida Reported by The Weekly Vice Zachariah Dalton Howard, a 22-year-old Niceville man was jailed Saturday after he allegedly tried to rob a convenience store, then called his mother for a ride home. According to the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office, Howard reportedly walked into the 'Thumbs Up' convenience store around 10:00 p.m., told the clerk he had a gun, and demanded money. The robbery attempt went bust when the clerk opened the cash drawer and showed Howard that it didn't contain any money. Investigators say Howard fled the scene and went to a nearby grocery store where he called his mother and asked her for a ride home. Howard was identified as the would-be robber and taken into custody a short time later. During an interview with detectives, Howard stated that he did not originally intend to rob the store, but decided to commit the robbery when he arrived at the store. Officers determined that Howard did not have a gun with him at the time of the robbery attempt. He was booked into the Okaloosa County Jail and charged with robbery without a weapon or firearm. His bond was set at $15,000. Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: Telemarketers Dear Webby My Mother-in-Law is helping out in my business now, doing book keeping and answering the phone. The problem is, if she is in the middle of something complex, and a telemarketer interrupts her, she gets quite irate and obnoxious and nearly blows a gasket. I don't want her to have a stroke or heart attack. What do you recommend? Ellen Dear Ellen Go to the Dollar Store or any store that has squeaky toys and get a "Donald Duck" with a duck-like squawk. (Quack Quack instead of Squqak Squeak) Give it to her and tell her to answer the phone with that, whenever she does not recognize the number. If it is a customer after all, she can still switch to her own voice and blame the quacking on the phone company. However, if it is a telemarketer, as usual when there is a 1-888 or similar number showing, she can answer by squeezing her Donal Duck. She might wet her knickers from laughing, and so would any innocent bystanders, but she won't get irate and cussing and scaring customers. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hide Spare House Key Under Vinyl Siding My uncle taught me a good way to hide a key, under the vinyl on the house. He had a spot on his vinyl siding that he put a extra key in case they were locked out, or if someone had to get in for emergency purposes. He told very few of us in the family where it was. There is a little lip on the vinyl siding that held the key in place. By Lindaspy from South Beloit, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

A drunk man, who smelled like beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of booze was sticking out of his coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked. "Say,Father, what causes arthritis?" The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living; being with cheap, wicked women; too much alcohol; contempt for your fellow man; sleeping around with prostitutes; and lack of bathing." The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be darned," then returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation. In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers." And the congregation said, "Amen."
» Amazing Photos


Today, Jan 8, in 
0624 Moslem army occupies Kurash
0794 Church at Lindisfarne, England destroyed by Vikings
1598 Jews are expelled from Genoa Italy
1806 Lewis & Clark find skeleton of 105' blue whale in Oregon
1838 1st telegraph message sent using dots & dashes, New Jersey 
1856 Dr John A Veatch discovers borax, Tuscan Springs CA 
1884 Chrome tanning process for leather patented by 
   Augustus Schultz 
1929 1st telephone connection between Netherlands & West-Indies 
1935 Spectrophotometer patented, AC Hardy
1940 Britain's 1st WWII rationing (bacon, butter & sugar) 
1954 Elvis Presley pays $4 to a Memphis studio & records 
  his 1st two songs, "Casual Love" & "I'll Never Stand 
  in Your Way" 
1956 Elvis Presley's "Don't Be Cruel/Hound Dog" single 
  goes to #1 & stays #1 for a record 11 weeks 
1958 Cuban revolutionary forces capture Havana 
1962 Dutch express train crashes into slow commuter train, 
  91 die
1971 29 pilot whales beach themselves & die at 
   San Clemente Island CA
1979 512 die as oil tanker Bantry Bay blows up
1979 Vietnamese troops overtook Khmer Rouge & 
   occupy Phnom Penh
1985 Japan launches Sakigake space probe to Halley's Comet 
1986 President Reagan freezes Libyan assets in the US
1995 15th United Negro College Fund raises $12,200,000 
1996 Blizzard buries eastern US causing at least 50 deaths 
1998 Roseanne files for divorce from 3rd husband Ben Thomas
1998 Unabomber suspect Theodore Kaczynski asks to act as 
   his own lawyer
1998 World Trade Center bomber Ramzi Ahmed Yousef 
   sentenced to life 
2013 NHL strike ends. Players fire their union, Owners
   and Players accept arbitrator's recommendation. 2013
   will be a short season abut it will start next weekend.
2013  smiled


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How do I get rid of invisible XLS files? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, January 7

Thank you Reuben!


In the late 1930s and early 1940s Japan and the US had a
steady shoving match going on in Asia, practising ships guns
and sinking each others ships, even including expensive
submarines, but since neither side attacked the other side's
homeland, that was all considered peaceful practise.
Who would have thought, that the Japanese scoundrels would
take it serious?

Well, it seems, they did.
Today in 1941 they attacked Pearl Harbor, 
and the knives came out.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

All phone calls are obscene. --- Karen Elizabeth Gordon If only we'd stop trying to be happy, we could have a pretty good time. --- Edith Wharton
Thanks to Katie for this classic: Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes" WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, ..go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$65,000" MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!" MAN: "Bye, I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment. Then he grins and asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?
A man was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. The plane had a layover in Sacramento. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft, the plane would re-board in one hour. Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. Another man had noticed him as he walked by and could tell the gentleman was blind because his Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. He could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him, and calling him by name, said, "Keith, we're in Sacramento for an hour, would you like to get off and stretch your legs? " The blind man replied, "No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs." Picture this: All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were trying to change airlines! True story....Have a great day and remember... Things aren't always as they appear.
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jacob Cox-Brown, 18, Astoria, Oregon Jailed after posting about drunken driving, hit-and-run on Facebook Reported by SlashDot Police arrested an Oregon teenager who confessed on Facebook that he had been driving drunk on New Year's Eve and hit someone's car. Astoria police say officers were investigating a hit and run involving a sideswiped car when two Facebook friends of Jacob Cox-Brown contacted authorities to report a Facebook post in which the 18-year-old wrote: "Drivin drunk ... classsic;) but to whoever's vehicle i hit i am sorry. :P" Deputy Chief Brad Johnston says Cox-Brown was charged with failure to perform the duties of a driver. He was not charged with drunken driving because in Oregon the written admission on Facebook is not sufficient evidence that he was intoxicated. He will have to kill somebody first. Tech Support Pits From: Anita Re: Invisible files Dear Webby I got an email from ??™? with no text, but an attachment called ½µµÍ²É¹ºfu³É±¾.xls Naturally, Windoze7 can't cope with that and won't let me delete that attachment, which most likely has some wicked Excel macros in it. Windoze7 won't even show it in a way, that would let me rename it to a name, that I could delete. How do I get rid of it? Anita Dear Anita For that you have to step back into good old DOS. First hover over the attachment, without clicking of course, and watch in the status line what the file location is. In my case it would be: D:\Alpha\Eudora\Attachments Then go to the directory above that, in my case that would be D:\Alpha\Eudora\ In yours it is bound to be different, but you get the idea. Highlight the Attachments directory, Hold down the SHIFT key Rightclick the mouse Open Command Window here That is a secret trick that they accidentally left in there from troubleshooting. When the black DOS window is open, type: dir *.xls Probably that bad news file is the only Excel file that will show up. If it is the only one, then type del *.xls hit Enter, and it is gone. You can verify it by again typing dir *.xls and hitting Enter. If a whole bunch of XLS files showed up, then you have to move the keepers somewhere else. No big deal. Type md XLS-Keepers and hit Enter. md stands for Make Directory. Everything in DOS is that simple, just like in Linux. Now look at one of the files, that you want to keep, for exmple grammas-tax-receipts.xls You saw that md stands for Make Directory What would be a good command for move? try mv /? That tells you all about it. a space and /? will show you the help file on any command. Yes, mv filename destination will work. So type mv grammas-tax-receipts.xls XLS-Keepers And do the same with all the XLS files, that you have received as attachments, and that you want to keep for good. dir *.xls will show you which ones are left. Once all the keepers are moved out of the way, then you can safely type del *.xls and get rid of the malicious file. * is a wildcard, and simply means anything on that side of the dot, even if you can't type the weird characters. If you were not able to fall back to good old DOS, or boot up with a linux Live CD, you would not be able to get rid of that file. I get those files too now and then. Luckily I use MailWasher, which shows them to me, so that I can nuke them right on the server. My MailWasher of course recognized the threat and flagged it for deletion. If I don't touch anything and just hit F6 for PROCESS, that mail and it's attachment will be sent to hell, without ever downloading it. Why all the fuss? Why not just ignore that file, since Windows 7 can't see it anyway? Excel files can have macros in them, that activate other macros (programs) at a certain calendar date. Personally, I really don't want to find out what somebody in North Korea wants my computer to do at that time and date. If I didn't have MailWasher, I would spend three or four seconds in DOS, and then dump the recycle bin. I have absolutely nothing against Excel files, that I created, or that people I know have created. However, when they come from somebody. whose name I can't read, then I do NOT want them anywhere near my computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Extra Garbage Bags Under the One in Use When one full bag of garbage is taken out, I replace it with a new one. I make sure there are 6 folded bags under the new one. I always have a full week of garbage bags without hunting for them when they have to be replaced. That way the bags are out of the way and ready for the next bag of garbage. By Macie4 from Walnut Creek, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

A priest was vested in his surplice and cassock ready to proceed at the beginning of a procession. His surplice was very ornate, and he was swinging the incense pot, which had smoke coming from it. Lance, the flaming fruit from across the street, touched him on the shoulder and said, "Darling, I love your dress, but your purse is on fire!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A large dog walks into a butcher's shop with a purse in its mouth. He puts the purse down and sits in front of the meat case. "What is it, boy?" the butcher asks, joking around with his customers. "Want to buy some meat?" "Woof!" barks the dog. "Hmm," says the butcher. "What kind? Liver, bacon, steak--" "Woof!" interrupts the dog. "And how much steak? Half a kilo, one kilo--" "Woof!" says the dog. The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds the money in the dog's purse. As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to follow. The dog enters an apartment house, climbs to the third floor, and begins to scratch on the door. With that, the door swings open and an angry woman starts shouting at the dog. "Stop!" yells the butcher. "What are you doing? That's the most clever animal I've ever seen!" "Clever?" counters the woman. "This is the third time this week he's forgotten his keys!"
» Amazing Photos


Today in 
0036 -BC- Earliest known Mayan inscription, Stela 2 at 
   Chiapa de Corzo
0043 -BC- Marcus Tullius Cicero, Roman writer, gets his 
  head & right hand chopped off by Mark Antony's soldiers 
0185 Emperor Lo-Yang, China sees supernova (MSH15-52?) 
1868 Jesse James gang robs bank in Gallatin MO, kills 1 
1877 Thomas A Edison demonstrates the gramophone 
1909 Leo Baekeland, Yonkers NY, patents 1st thermosetting 
   plastic (Bakelite) 
1912 Bust of Queen Nefertete found in El-Amarna, Egypt 
1917 US becomes 13th country to declare war on Austria 
   during World War I
1926 Gas refrigerator patented
1932 1st gyro-stabilized vessel to cross the Atlantic 
   arrives in New York  
1934 Wiley Post discovers the jet stream
1941 Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor
1941 Japanese submarine sunk by a US ship (USS Ward) 
1941 Australian bombers land on Timor/Ambon 
1941 German siege of Tobruk after 8 months ends
1945 Microwave oven patented 
1949 Chiang Kai-shek flees to Taiwan
1972 Apollo 17 (US), final manned lunar landing mission 
   (last of Apollo Moon series), launched 
1975 Indonesian army occupies East Timor 
1976 UN Security Council endorses Kurt Waldheim, 
  Secretary-General for 2nd 5 year term 
1981 Spain becomes a member of the NATO
1986 President Jean-Claude Duvalier flees Haïti 
1987 Palestinian uprising against Israel in West Bank 
1988 Yasser Arafat recognizes existence of Israel 
1988 Earthquake in Armenia - 6.9, >100,000 killed, 
   5,000,000 homeless
1990 Ted Turner  (CNN) & Hanoi Jane announce their 
   engagement
2013 NHL strike ends. Players fire their union, Owners
   and Players accept arbitrator's recommendation. 2013
   will be a short season abut it will start next weekend.
2013  smiled


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Converting MP4 for use in old CD players 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, January 6

Thank you Reuben!

>From Chuck 
Hi Webby,
I held on to hotmail for years until a few months ago. 
I finally had to bite the bullet. It will take months 
to wean all my contacts off that address, but I was forced 
into it because the account has been consistently highjacked 
every 2-3 weeks. I don't know how the crooks get my new 
password, but they do. And it's been consistent for several 
months. I have no problem with any other emails or accounts. 
I run McAfee. Strange, but it finally got me to dump homail.
Chuck


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"The trouble with political jokes is that very often they get elected." --- Will Rogers
One beautiful winter evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu." "Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee. "Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu, I love you and its the perfect time," Huan Cho begged. "But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon." "Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me." Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu." Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and both sang: "Weeweechu a merry Christmas, Weeweechu a merry Christmas, Weeweechu a merry Christmas, ann a happy New Year."
Seen in the parking lot of a brand new department store, painted on the ground at a crosswalk in letters 4 feet tall: YELD Close, but not close enough. The next week I drove through the same parking lot and found it was changed. They had painted an I between the existing letters. Now it read YEILD. About two months later they finally fixed it. The old lettering was painted over with black and freshly painted on top of that was the word SPOT.
What is Metabolic Cooking? Basically it is simply adding certain ingredients, that will cause your body to utilize and use up fat as fuel instead of storing it. No, not buying all kinds of tricky stuff, just using one type of berry instead of another with your pancakes, one type of garnish instead of another with your hamburger, and so on. You get understanding and skills with this, not a pile of expensive bottles. Learn Metabolic Cooking!

Click on the picture for the large version Aurora from ISS
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Deni Noa, 24, Stock Island, Florida Jailed for Assaulting Woman, Laying Naked In Street, Assaulting Deputies Reported by The Weekly Vice Deni Noa, a 24-year-old Florida man was jailed Monday after he allegedly punched a random female driver in the face, stripped naked in the street, then threatened to kill arresting deputies. According to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office, deputies were called to the scene of an altercation after a witness reported that he saw a man, later identified as Noa, reach into a woman's car and punch her in the face before fleeing the scene on foot. When deputies arrived on the scene, they spoke to the victim who gave a description of the suspect. While the deputy was talking to the victim, deputies received a report that a man had stripped off his clothing and was laying in the middle of a nearby road. The description of that suspect matched the description provided by the woman from the assault report. When the deputy arrived at the scene, he found two men struggling with a naked man in the middle of the road, attempting to put him in the trunk of a vehicle. The deputy held all three men at "Taser point" until back-up arrived on the scene. It was later determined that the other two men where Noa's brothers. Deputies helped Noa get dressed, and he was positively identified by the woman and a witness as the suspect from the first incident. When deputies tried to handcuff Noa, he resisted and threatened the deputies' lives. He continued to be physically belligerent at the station, even kicking an officer in the knee while being transported by elevator to the jail's upper floors. He was placed in a restraint chair for both his safety and the safety of the officers. Noa was booked into the Monroe County Jail and charged with assault and battery on a law enforcement officer, making threats to a law enforcement officer, resisting arrest with violence, and resisting arrest without violence. A ccording to inmate records, this is his fifth time in that jail alone. More charges may be added later.
Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: Convert MP4 for old CD player Dear Webby I downloaded several songs from I-tunes that are in the MPEG-4 audio format and I cannot play them on my older CD player. What do you recommend? Thanks for any help. Bob Dear Bob There are lots of free converters on the net, that let you convert MP4 to MP3, WAV, whatever you want, even MIDI. Pick one that suits you, download it and install it. Then you can convert anything you got to whatever format your player demands. There is even an online converter in my Tool Box. With that, you don't need to install anything on your computer, you just upload your music in one format, and download it in another one. Or try for example Pconverter from http://pconverter.com/d/ Install it and convert your files without going online. That too is in my Tool Box. That and all the better converters also handle the videos, that are combined with most of today's music. For your old style player you simply rip the music and ignore the video. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Excess Coffee In Cubes When I have left over coffee that I did not have time to finish, I put it in ice cube trays and freeze, then I put in a ziplock bag. If I feel like having iced coffee or mocha, I put it in the blender. Pour into a glass and enjoy! By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

A young honeymoon couple were touring southern Florida and happened to stop at one of the rattlesnake farms along the road. After seeing the sights, they engaged in small talk with the man that handled the snakes. "Gosh!" exclaimed the new bride. "You certainly have a dangerous job. Don't you ever get bitten by the snakes?" "Yes, upon rare occasions," answered the handler. "Well," she continued, "just what do you do when you're bitten by a snake?" "I always carry a razor-sharp knife in my pocket, and as soon as I am bitten, I make deep criss-cross marks across the fang entry and then suck the poison from the wound." "What, uh... what would happen if you were to accidentally *sit* on a rattler?" persisted the woman. "Ma'am," answered the snake handler, "that will be the day I learn who my real friends are."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Q. What is your name? A. Ernestine McDowell. Q. And what is your marital status? A. Fair. Q. Now, Mrs. McDowell, how was your first marriage terminated? A. By death. Q. And by whose death was it terminated? Q. Mrs. McDowell, did you say he was shot in the woods? A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You too were shot in the fracas? A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.
» Tallest Buildings


Today in 
1066 King Harald of England crowned 
1496 Moorish fortress Alhambra, near Grenada, 
   surrenders to the Christians 
1540 King Henry VIII of England married his 4th wife, 
   Anne of Cleves
1639 Virginia is 1st colony to order surplus crops 
 (tobacco) destroyed to keep the price up
1681 1st recorded boxing match (Duke of Albemarle's 
  butler vs his butcher) 
1838 Samuel Morse made 1st show of telegraph
1842 4,500 British & Indian troops leave Kabul, 
   get massacred before they get to safety in India 
1857 Patent for reducing zinc ore granted to Samuel 
   Wetherill, Pennsylvania
1893 Great Northern Railway connects Seattle with east coast
1898 1st telephone message from a submerged submarine by 
   Simon Lake 
1912 New Mexico becomes 47th state
1914 Stock brokerage firm of Merrill Lynch founded
1950 Britain recognizes Communist government of China
1958 Gibson patents the Flying V Guitar
1971 Berkeley chemists announces 1st synthetic 
  growth hormones 
1972 Vladimir Bukovski is exiled from USSR
1974 England begins 3 day work week during mine strike
1978 US hand over St Stephan crown to Hungary 
1980 Philadelphia Flyers set NHL record of 35 straight 
   games without a defeat 
1986 Impala Platinum fires 20,000 black mine workers 
   in Johannesburg 
1987 Astronomers at University of California see 1st sight
  of birth of a galaxy 
1994 Ice skater Nancy Kerrigan is attacked by Tonya 
  Harding's bodyguard 
1998 Don Sutton selected to Baseball Hall of Fame 
2013  smiled


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What is the Friends List? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, January 5

I have a feeling that HotMail is going to be eliminated
soon. I unsubscribed about a few hundred HotMail users
today, because their newsletter has bounced too many times,
and I still have about two hundred to do.

Online viewing has risen proportionately. We didn't
lose all those people, some will be reading the Humor Letter
at http://webby.com/humor, and some probably 
migrated to Gmail.

If you are still on Hotmail, I would highly recommend
that you get an alternate email address, 
and shift anything important over to that.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. --- Voltaire Drink nothing without seeing it; sign nothing without reading it. --- Spanish Proverb Vegetarianism is harmless enough, though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness. --- Sir Robert Hutchinson Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right. --- Kurt Herbert Alder
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?" "Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings before the inlaws get at them ?"
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Click on the picture for the large version Devvetashka Cave, Bulgaria
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to June Ortega, 21, Albuquerque Jailed for killing her 1 yr old baby Reported by Carole Albuquerque police have charged a mother with killing her baby, who was only days away from her first birthday. The child, Nevaeh, died right before Christmas, but now investigators have determined the injuries made her death a murder. June Ortega, 21, appeared in court Friday. Police said the child's autopsy uncovered multiple skull fractures and blood in the brain. Doctors said the injuries appeared to be from being hit with a blunt object. “This child had apparently suffered ongoing child abuse and the results were astounding,” Albuquerque police officer Tasia Martinez said. “Detectives did find a screwdriver in the playpen, tucked in the side of the playpen. We don't if (her skull fractures) are related, but the doctors say this wasn't an accident.” Police were called to Ortega’s apartment on Dec. 22 because the child wasn’t breathing. Officers said the child’s cause of death wasn’t clear at the time, so Ortega wasn’t arrested then. Martinez said police hope this tragic case is a wake-up call to the community to prevent and report child abuse. “We don't want things to escalate to the point where anyone is harmed, much less a sweet innocent child that hasn't had the chance to experience her first Christmas or her first birthday,” Martinez said.
Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Friends List Dear Webby Some time ago, when my daughter had problems getting the Humor Letter, you suggested having her put humor@webby.com into her friends list or white list. I'm not too sharp on computer lingo, please explain friends list and white list. Thanks Lee Dear Lee All spam control programs and most email programs have a list of authorized addresses. Some call it address book, some call it White-List, some call it Friends-List. When an address is in that list, then mail from that address is not checked with the regular junk-mail filters. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Pump Bottles in the Bath Save money on shampoo by buying the bulk, pump-style bottles. Make it a rule in your house that for short hair, one pump is used; two for long hair, etc. By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

From Candy My engineer husband is meticulous but mild-mannered. While our new house was being built, he would leave notes for the workmen, politely calling their attention to mistakes or oversights. Two weeks before we were to move in, the floors still were not finished, the bathrooms not tiled, nor were necessary fixtures installed. I was sure that the work would never be completed in time. However, on moving day, we found that the house was ready to receive us. Curious as to how this miracle had been accomplished, I went and checked where my husband always left his notes for the workmen. Posted prominently on the living room wall was my husband's last note: "After January 5, all work will be supervised by my wife and 5 children."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Ken My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. Uncle Joe reassured his buddy, though. "Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us." They shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again. Still no response. When they decided to try once more, Bubba said, "It better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows."
» Invisible Animals


Today in 
1477 Battle at Nancy, Burgundy vs Switzerland, 7000+ killed
1527 Swiss Anabaptist reformer Felix Manz, 29, was drowned 
  in punishment for preaching adult (re-)baptism. 
  Manz's death made him the first Protestant in history 
  to be martyred at the hands of other Protestants. 
1531 Pope Clemens VII forbids English king Henry VIII 
   to re-marry 
1638 Petition in Recife Brazil leads to closing of 
   their 2 synagogues
1709 Sudden extreme cold kills 1000s of Europeans 
1781 British naval expedition led by Benedict Arnold 
   burns Richmond VA 
1822 Central America proclaims annexation to 
  Mexican Empire 
1903 San Francisco-Hawaii telegraph cable opens 
1911 Portugal expels Jesuits 
1914 James Cox of Ford Motor Co announces wages will jump 
   from $2.40/9-hour day to $5.00/8-hour day 
1916 Austria-Hungary offensive against Montenegro 
1930 Mao Tse-tung writes "A Single Spark Can Start a 
   Prairie Fire" 
1940 Finnish offensive at Suomossalmi against Russia 
1956 Elvis Presley records "Heartbreak Hotel" 
1969 USSR Venera 5 launched for 1st successful 
   planet landing (Venus) 
1970 23,000 Belgian mine workers strike
1972 President Nixon signs a bill for NASA to begin 
   research on manned shuttle 
1975 Salyut 4 with crew of 2 is launched for 30 days 
1998 Ice storm knocks out electricity in Québec & Ontario 
1998 Vandals decapitate Copenhagen's Little Mermaid 
2013  smiled


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Is Skype Safe? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, January 4.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Yes, I know that the voting at the Ezinefinder is down, 
as usual at this time of the year. They use a Mac system,
and that seems to be expected with them.
Don't worry, around January 4 or 5 they always get it
working again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. --- Steven Wright The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. --- Flannery O'Connor Sometimes creativity is a compulsion, not an ambition. --- Ed Norton
Scott knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at him, and said, "Scott, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
A drummer got bored with his instrument and decided to take up the accordion instead. Walking into a music shop, he spotted one he liked and asked the shopkeeper, "how much is that accordion by the wall?" The shopkeeper looked at him and said, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" "Yes, how did you know?" he said. "That's the radiator."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Nicole Dobol, 26, Islamorada, Florida Jailed After Attempting To Set Ex-Boyfriend And Woman On Fire As They Slept Reported by The Weekly Vice Nicole Ingram Dobol, a 26-year-old Islamorada woman was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly stalked her ex-boyfriend to his house, then set fire to his mattress as he and another woman slept. According to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office, Dobol reportedly ran into her ex-boyfriend's roommate at the Hog Heaven Bar and Grill, then asked him where she could find her former lover. The roommate stated that the ex-boyfriend had gone home for the night, but told her not to visit the apartment. Dobol ignored the warning and went to the apartment anyway. Investigators say Dobol forced her way into the apartment, snuck into her ex-boyfriend's room and found him asleep with a woman. That's when Dobol allegedly set fire to the mattress, then taunted the couple as they awoke to the smell of smoke. The couple, who were not injured by the fire, dragged the mattress to the apartment's balcony and extinguished the flames outside. The victim's roommate, who had returned to the apartment during the ordeal, said Dobol admitted to lighting the fire and told him that it "made her crazy" to see her ex-boyfriend with another woman. During Dobol's arrest, it was discovered that she also had an outstanding warrant for her arrest from a previous incident. Dobol was booked into jail and charged with arson and burglary.
Tech Support Pits From: Karen Re: How safe is Skype Dear Webby My daughter wants me to install Skype in my computer at home and in the office, to save on phone bills. How safe is that? Karen Dear Karen Skype is perfectly safe. It is so heavily encrypted, that even if somebody figured a way to intercept it, they could not extract any information. Also, it does not open any security holes like many other programs do. It's not just for talking for free over the net. It includes a chat module for typing back and forth and sending pictures, movies, music, links, etc. If both sides have a camera, any $10 camera will do, you can even video chat for free. I do that with my dad every noon my time, 9PM his time, for about 5 minutes. Voice quality is excellent, much better than over a phone. We have used Skype for tech support for a dozen years now, and have never had a problem with it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Salad Spinner for Wringing Delicate Hand Wash Items Do you often hand wash delicate items such as hosiery or bras? For an easier way to wring out the water, keep a spare salad spinner under your sink! People with painful arthritic hands, or those recovering from surgery, may find it especially difficult to squeeze items dry. The center push-button or battery operated type spinners make the job very easy. Even the inexpensive crank ones work, in about a dozen turns and will hold two or three items. By Mary from Mountain Pine, AR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

Travel Agent Term Translations "Old World Charm" Room with no TV, radio and only 1 light. "Tropical" Rainy. "Majestic Setting" A long way from town, at end of dirt road. "Options Galore" Nothing is included in the price. "Secluded Hideaway" Directions to locate unclear. "Some budget rooms" Sorry, already occupied. "Explore on your own" At your own expense. "Minutes From ... " By Plane "Romantic" No Phone in room. "Knowledgeable trip hosts" They've flown in an airplane before. "Bird Watchers Paradise" Your car's paint will never be the same . "Nominal Fee" Outrageous charge. "Superior Accommodations" One complimentary chocolate, free shower cap. "All the Amenities" Two chocolates, two shower caps. "Just Like Home" No Maid service "Plush" Both top and bottom sheets, bed shakes. "Light and airy" No air conditioning. "Picturesque" Theme park nearby. "24-hour bar" Ice cubes at additional cost (when available). "Wireless Internet" For the first six to log on before they go out on the town.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From David My mom got mad at my dad the other day and went shopping to relieve her irritation. When she returned home she informed him that she had purchased ten new dresses. "Ten!" he hollered, "What could any woman want with ten new dresses??" My mom calmly replied, "Ten new pairs of shoes."
» Invisible Animals
Sew much Comfort

Today in 
0871 Battle at Reading Ethelred beats Danish invasion
1493 Columbus left new world on return from 1st voyage
1519 1st Altenburger sermon (Luther & Karl von Miltitz) 
1863 4 wheeled roller skates patd by James Plimpton of NY
1884 Last sighting of an eastern cougar (Ontario)
1896 Following Mormon abandonment of polygamy, 
  Utah admitted as 45th state 
1912 Smallest earth-moon distance this century, 
  356,375 km center-to-center 
1915 Trans-Caucausus Russian defeat Turkish troops 
1945 US aircraft carrier Ommaney Bay sinks after 
   kamikaze attack
1951 During Korean conflict, North Korean forces
   captured Seoul 
1958 Sputnik 1 reenters atmosphere & burns up 
1959 Luna 1 (Mechta) becomes 1st craft to leave 
  Earth's gravity 
1969 France begins arms embargo against Israel 
1975 Ice thickness measured at 4776 m, Wilkes Land, Antarctica
1975 Montréal Canadiens vs Washington Capitals 10-0
2013  smiled


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Drain cleaner without going to the store 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, January 3.






Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy. --- Nora Ephron The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. --- Victor Hugo
My 2 1/2-year-old niece, Kelly, went with a neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the "Host," in this case, a piece of bread, he says, "God be with you." Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelly took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice, "God will get you."
Thanks to Dianne for this confession: The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students took over. "Your hard drive crashed," he said. I called the computer services office and explained, "My computer is down. The hard drive crashed." "We can't just send people down on your say-so. How do you know that's the problem?" "A student told me," I answered. "We'll send someone over right away."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Heather Cooksey, 27, Alexandria, La. Cutest caught teacher of the week: Jailed for Having Sex With Student Reported by The Weekly Vice Heather Cooksey, a 27-year-old teacher at Tioga High School was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly had sex with a student. According to the Rapides Parish Sheriff's Office, Cooksey was arrested after it was discovered that she had engaged in a sexual relationship with an underage student who attends the school. Investigators have not released additional information, citing that the investigation is ongoing and expect more to be revealed soon. She was booked into the Rapides Parish Detention Center and charged with two counts of carnal knowledge of juveniles.
Tech Support Pits From: Rosie Re: Drain cleaner without going to the store Dear Webby How do I clean out my sink drain if I don't have any drain cleaner? Mine is running slow and I can't get to the store to get drain cleaner. Rosie Dear Rosie Coffee grounds help to clean out a drain, that is only slow and not stopped up. Always dump the used filters into the sink and rinse them off, before you heave them into the garbage. As long as you don't have a peach pit or anything hard like that, daily use of coffee grounds will keep your drains clean and fast. By the way, I learned from Ophelia, if you rinse off your coffe filters and drape them over a can or glass to dry, you can get over hundred uses out of each filter. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Liquid Paper to Fix Chips in Paint I bought a used white formica bedroom set with chips. The moving man told me to use white Liquid Paper correction fluid to cover it up. This was for a matte finish. It worked great. Many years later, my white refrigerator had a small chip. I fixed it the same way. No one can tell where the chip is. If I had a glossy finish, I would then put a coat of clear nail polish on top. By Judy Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week, and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer." He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Dianne for this story: I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh", ... I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.
» Comical critters
Sew much Comfort

Today in 
1431 Joan of Arc handed over to the bishop 
1521 Martin Luther excommunicated by Roman Catholic Church
1825 Scottish factory owner Robert Owen buys 30,000 acres
  in Indiana as site for New Harmony utopian community
1833 Britain seizes control of Falkland Islands
1847 California town of Yerba Buena renamed San Francisco
1865 Con Orem & Hugh O'Neill box 193 rounds before 
  darkness ends match
1870 Brooklyn Bridge construction begins; completed 
  May 24, 1883 
1871 Oleomargarine patented by Henry Bradley, Binghamton NY
1872 1st patent list issued by US Patent Office
1888 1st waxed drinking straw patented, by Marvin C Stone
   in Washington DC
1910 British miners strike for 8 hour working day 
1921 Turkey makes peace with Armenia 
1924 British Egyptologist Howard Carter finds sarcophagus
  of Tutankhamun
1925 Mussolini dissolves Italian parliament/becomes dictator 
1938 March of Dimes established to fight polio
1941 Canada & US acquire air bases in Newfoundland 
   (99 year lease)
1941 Italian counter offensive in Albania 
1943 Canadian Army troops arrive in North Africa 
1945 US aircraft carriers attack Okinawa
1957 1st electric watch introduced, Lancaster PA 
1958 Edmund Hillary reaches South Pole overland 
1959 Alaska admitted as 49th US state
1961 US breaks diplomatic relations with Cuba
1962 Pope John XXIII excommunicates Fidel Castro
1969 John Lennon's "2 Virgins" album declared 
  pornographic in New Jersey 
1977 Apple Computer incorporated 
1989 Jim & Tammy Bakker return to TV
1990 Panamá's leader General Manuel Noriega surrenders to US
1991 Los Angeles King Wayne Gretzky scores his 700th goal
1994 35-foot-tall Chief Wahoo, trademark of Indians on top 
  of Stadium since 1962, is taken down, to be moved to 
  Jacob's Field 
2013  smiled


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Can't get rid of old mail in Outlook Express 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, January 2. Unless you are a teacher, it's back to work as usual today. Seems weird to me, since I worked every day through the holidays, even more hours than the rest of the year, because the postcard traffic is naturally the biggest during the Christmas Holidays and over New Years. The next big postcard event will be Guilt Day: Valentines If you forget to send a Valentines Card, you will be made to feel guilty! Feb 12,13, 14 I will again be working around the clock. Until then it's just routine. January 9 I have to go for injections into my eyes, so January 10,11 and possibly 12, there won't be a Humor Letter. So, for now, it's back to the grind. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

As I get older, I've learned to listen to people rather than accuse them of things. --- Po Bronson If you think you can, you can. And if you think you can't, you're right. --- Mary Kay Ash Those who bring sunshine into the lives of others, cannot keep it from themselves. --- Sir James M. Barrie
The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had had enough and actually pounded on the wall between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned, only to get the answering machine. Finally she went to the model's door and just kept ringing the bell. When the model answered, the wife fumed, "I would like to know why it is my husband takes so long to get something over here." "Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure wouldn't be helping, if he was doing what you suspect him of doing. However, he's out on the balcony exchanging fishing lies with my dad."
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?" He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your feelings." "Communicate my feelings?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means." The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Thomasine Harjo, 25, Oklahoma City, OK Tells Police She Couldn't Be Arrested For Drunk Driving Because She Was Required To Appear In DUI Court The Next Morning Reported by The Weekly Vice Thomasine Harjo, a 25-year-old Oklahoma woman was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly drove drunk through a traffic accident scene - then told officers that she couldn't be arrested because she had DUI court the next morning. According to Oklahoma City police, officers were processing an accident scene where a fatality had occurred when Harjo ignored a police barricade and drove her vehicle through it anyway. Investigators say the accident scene had been blocked off with patrol cars - with lights flashing - and had been corded off with crime scene tape. Several officers tried to get Harjo to stop prior to entering the accident scene, however she didn't acknowledge them. When officers finally did get Harjo to stop, they smelled a strong odor of alcohol when she opened her door. When Harjo was asked why she did not stop for the barricade, she stated that she was simply following the car in front of her. No other cars, however, entered the accident scene. While officers were placing Harjo into custody, she stated that she couldn't be arrested because she had to appear in court the next morning. When an officer asked what the court appearance was for, Harjo stated that it was for a previous DUI charge. Harjo was booked into the Oklahoma County Jail and charged with DUI, driving without a valid driver's license and obstruction of justice.
Tech Support Pits From: Lela Re: Can't delete mail from Outlook Express Dear Webby I have tried every thing I can think of doing, but I can not delete unwante or read mail from my OutLook Express 6. Any suggestions? Your insites and vast knowledge is greatly appreciated. Yes, I have done defrags, disc clean ups and virus scans, nothing helps. Thank you in advance. Lela Dear Lela I don't use Outlook Express or Outlook, but I would try dumping the trash first, and also the recycle bin. Then try deleting mails. I asked Dianne, the lady, who emails me the Daily Bonus Links. She suggested this: She has been using OE as a warehouse. Get all of that stuff out of there. If it is important, make new folders on the desktop and save them to appropriate folders. when that is done, everything should work. Dianne Try that! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Liquid Paper to Fix Chips in Paint I bought a used white formica bedroom set with chips. The moving man told me to use white Liquid Paper correction fluid to cover it up. This was for a matte finish. It worked great. Many years later, my white refrigerator had a small chip. I fixed it the same way. No one can tell where the chip is. If I had a glossy finish, I would then put a coat of clear nail polish on top. By Judy Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

>From Dora I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM machine over there."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young woman wasn't feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician. "I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that." The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced. "I'm back!" Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, "Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit."
» Columnades
Sew much Comfort

Today in 
0069 Roman Lower Rhine army proclaims its commander,
 Vitellius, emperor
1235 Emperor Joseph II orders Jews of Galicia Austria 
  to adopt family names 
1570 Tsar Ivan the Terrible march to Novgorod begins
1757 British troops occupy Calcutta India
1776 1st revolutionary flag displayed
1776 Austria ends interrogation torture
1839 1st photo of the Moon (French photographer Louis
  Daguerre) 
1842 1st US wire suspension bridge for general traffic 
   opens in Pennsylvania 
1879 British battleship Thunder explodes in Gulf of
  Ismid, 9 die
1900 E Verlinger begins manufacturing 7" single-sided
  records (Montréal)
1919 Anti-British uprising in Ireland
1919 Lithuania gains independence
1920 10,000 US union & socialist organizers arrested 
  (Palmer Raids)  
1929 US & Canada agree to preserve Niagara Falls
1942 28 nations, at war with Axis, pledge no 
  separate peace 
1944 1st use of helicopters during warfare (British 
   Atlantic patrol) 
1945 Allied air raid on Nuerenburg
1959 USSR launches Mechta (Luna 1) for 1st lunar 
  fly-by, 1st solar orbit 
1968 Christiaan Barnard performs 2nd heart transplant 
1971 A barrier collapses at Ibrox Park football ground
  at end of a soccer match in Glasgow Scotland, killing 66
1972 Mariner 9 begins mapping Mars 
1974 55 MPH speed limit imposed by Richard Nixon
1984 Riot in Tunis kills over 100 
1988 Ashland Oil storage tank spills 3.8 million 
   gallons, Pennsylvania 
1988 Mulroney & Reagan sign Canada-US free trade agreement 
1994 Battles between army & rebellious Indians in 
  South Mexico, kill 57 
2013  smiled


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Can't find newsletters due to wrong computer date 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, January 1. Happy New year, ! I wish you All the Best for the New Year! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Yesterday a Tupolev 204 (Russian-made aircraft equivalent to an Airbus 321 or a shortened 757) overran the runway at Moscow Vnukovo airport and crashed into a nearby highway. View from the car behind the car, that got hit by a flying nose wheel and four seats. After the crash
Q. According to Cosmo magazine, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment
Thanks to Dianne for this story: Although I had never met my maternal grandfather, I knew that he had been five feet, six inches tall, while my stately grandmother stood five feet, eleven inches. As a teen-ager while leafing through an old photograph album with my Grandmother, I finally realized how unusual they must have looked together. "Grand," I asked, "how could you have dated and fallen in love a man almost half a foot shorter than you?" She turned to me, gave me a sensuous wink and said, "Honey, we fell in love sitting down, and by the time I stood up, it was way too late for him."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Michele McLaughlin, 25, Orlando, Florida Pantless Woman Jailed for Repeatedly Honking Horn, Pulling Fire Alarm Reported by The Weekly Vice Michele McLaughlin, a 25-year-old Florida woman was jailed early Wednesday morning after she allegedly woke up an apartment complex when she ran outside without pants, honked her horn for 20 minutes and pulled a fire alarm. According to police, officers were dispatched to an Orlando apartment complex when neighbors reported that a woman was continually honking her horn and had activated a fire alarm. Officers arrived to find McLaughlin, who wasn't wearing pants and appeared intoxicated. When officers asked Mclaughlin why she was causing a commotion at 4:30 in the morning, she stated that she went out to her car but was unable to find her way back to her friend's apartment. She went on to say that she honked her horn in an attempt to get her friend's attention. Witnesses told police that McLaughlin honked her horn for 20 minutes, then went to the second floor and tried to open every apartment door before pulling the fire alarm. McLaughlin was booked into the Orange County Jail and charged with preventing or obstructing fire-suppression equipment. There was no report whether police checked if her friend had died, or just sent her for a paper bag or sobered up.
Tech Support Pits From: Kitty Re: Not getting my Newsletter Dear Webby I don't know what happened. But I'm not getting your humor letter anymore. This is the last one I got. Always kitty Dear Kitty You are in the list and I sent your newsletter out every night. You may have to white-list mail from humor@webby.com to get it through your or your ISP's spam control. Are you aware that either your your date or your time zone setting is totally wacky? It tries to indicate, that you are in my future. Look at the date stamp of your letter! With the date wrong, your email program will sort everything wrongly. If you sort by Sender, you will probably see your newsletter. Once you got your date and time zone fixed, everything should show up again as usual. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Microwave To Refresh Masking Tape If your masking tape comes off in little pieces, zap the roll of tape in the microwave 10-20 seconds and it will work as it should. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

Suffering from a bad case of the flu, the outraged patient bellowed, "Three weeks? The doctor can't see me for three weeks? I could well be dead by then!" Calmly the voice at the other end of the line replied, "If so, would you have your wife call to cancel the appointment?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress... The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered. The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems. The computer scientist says, "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"
» Seriously Twisted Trees
Sew much Comfort

Today in 
5777 -BC- Origin of Solar Cycle
4714 -BC- Origin of Julian Period (Year 0) 
0001 Origin of Christian Era 
0069 Roman garrison of Mainz uprising 
0404 Last gladiator competition in Rome
1502 Portuguese navigators discover Rio de Janeiro 
1622 Papal Chancery adopts Jan 1 as beginning of the year
   (was Mar 25) 
1700 Protestant West-Europe (except England) begin using
   Gregorian calendar 
1701 Great Britain & Ireland union is in effect, creating 
  United Kingdom
1772 1st traveler's checks issued (London) 
1788 Quakers in Pennsylvania emancipate their slaves 
1797 Albany replaces New York City as capital of NY 
1808 Congress prohibits importation of slaves 
1818 Official reopening of the White House 
 (the dastardly Canucks had burned it down in the War of 1812)
1833 British government demands Falkland islands
1833 British government demands Falkland islands
1853 1st practical fire engine (horse-drawn) in US
1858 Canada begins using decimal currency system 
1862 1st US income tax (3% of incomes > $600, 
  5% of incomes > $10,000) 
1880 Building of Panamá Canal, begins 
1896 Wilhelm Röntgen announces his discovery of x-rays
1899 Cuba liberated from Spain by US (National Day) 
   (US occupies till 1902) 
1912 Sun Yat-sen forms Chinese Republic
1922 Vancouver BC starts driving on the right side of road 
1934 Alcatraz officially becomes a federal prison
1947 Britain nationalizes its coal industry 
1948 Britain nationalizes its railways
1950 Ho Chi Minh begins offensive against French 
   troops in Indo-China
1951 Massive Chinese/North Korean assault on UN-lines
1957 France returns Saar to becomes the 10th state of 
  German Federal Republic
1958 European Economic Community (Common Market) starts 
   operation 
1959 Castro leads Cuba to victory as Fulgencio Batista 
   flees to Dominican Republic
1965 Palestinian al-Fatah organization forms 
1971 Cigarette advertisements banned on TV 
1976 Venezuela nationalizes oil fields
1979 Jura, 26th canton of Switzerland, established 
1980 Mob storms Russian embassy in Teheran 
1984 Brunei becomes independent of UK 
1992 Europe breaks down internal trade barriers 
1993 Czechoslovakia separates into Czech Republic (Bohemia) 
   & Slovakia 
1995 Austria, Finland & Sweden act to join European Union
1998 All California bars, clubs & card rooms must be 
   smoke-free 
2012  smiled


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What to do when a Windows Update changes all the fonts? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, December 31. In case you did not get yesterday's picture, it is at Bearly Cab I wish you ll the Best for the New Year! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away. --- Ronald Reagan A billion here, a billion there, pretty soon it adds up to real money. --- Senator Everett Dirksen
>From SaxySassySatin New Years Drinking Warning Just Released: Vodka And Ice Will Ruin Your Kidneys. Rum And Ice Will Ruin Your Liver. Whiskey And Ice Will Ruin Your Heart. Gin And Ice Will Ruin Your Brain. Pepsi And Ice Will Ruin Your Sugar Levels..... There You Have It! Ice Is Freaking Lethal! Warn All Your Friends: Lay Off The Ice, Just Drink It Straight!! You Could Save A Life!!! And Don't Forget What Ice Did To The Titanic!!! sex c sass c :)
Seven year old Johnny had finished his winter vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that John was misbehaving. "Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny here for two weeks, day and night, and I never called you once when he misbehaved."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Chewanna Henderson, 33, Lincoln Heights, Ohio Jailed After Exposing Man To HIV Virus, Stabbing Him In The Head When He Complained Reported by The Weekly Vice Chewanna Henderson, a 33-year-old Anderson Township woman was jailed Friday after she allegedly had sex with man without telling him she was HIV positive, then stabbed him in the head to abuse him further. According to police, Henderson and the victim reportedly got into an argument after she failed to tell him that she was HIV positive until after they had sex. In retaliation, Henderson grabbed a kitchen knife from the kitchen counter and stabbed him in the back of his head. He was taken to a local hospital, where he was treated for non life-threatening injuries. When officers questioned Henderson, she stated that she didn't tell the victim that she was HIV positive because he had purchased a puppy for her and provided a place for her to stay. When deputies were booking her into jail, she took an officer's keys, slipped off her handcuffs and attempted to escape. She was stopped before reaching the door. Henderson was booked into the Hamilton County Justice Center and charged with escape, theft, and two counts of felonious assault. She is currently being held in lieu of $81,500 bond.
Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Different font after Windows Update Dear Webby We were away for Christmas and I shut down the computer while away to save power etc. Came home, rebooted it, and guess what? All the fonts are changed. Email fonts changed, fonts on desktop changed, and fonts on browser changed as well. Haven't a clue what happened, and don't have a clue how to rectify it. Any suggestions? Love the newsletter, love the jokes, and love the info included in it. Cheers, Happy New Year, Wendy Dear Wendy It has never happened to me, but searching on the net showed that it seems to be a fairly common bug with Windows7 updates. As soon as you reboot after certain updates, it changes everything in Windows to a certain font, that Microsoft figures is good for cute widdle goilies like you. Do a restore to prior to the last Windows Update, and your fonts will be back. Microsoft has no bug fix for that and is still searching for somebody or something to blame. In one post they venture that possibly it has something to do with a certain anti-virus program clashing with their update. Which anti-virus program are you using? Please let me know if this mail gets through to you. Sympatico often blocks me because of all the Christmas cards sent via my servers. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Microwave To Refresh Masking Tape If your masking tape comes off in little pieces, zap the roll of tape in the microwave 10-20 seconds and it will work as it should. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

Since he runs a pawnshop, I decided to ask a friend of mine to appraise my grandfather's violin. "Old fiddles aren't worth much, I'm afraid," he explained. "What makes it a fiddle and not a violin?" I asked. "If you're buying it from me, it's a violin. If I'm buying it from you, it's a fiddle."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At the counter, a woman was complaining about the departure time, saying, "Young man, I could stick a feather in my butt and get there faster." The clerk smiled and said, "Yeah, and you'd save extra time by not having to go through Security! Go for it!"
» Street Art Utopia
Sew much Comfort

Today in 
-406 80,000 Vandals attack Mainz at the Rhine
1492 100,000 Jews expelled from Sicily 
1687 1st Huguenots depart France to Cape of Good Hope 
1776 Rhode Island establishes wage & price controls to curb 
  inflation: Limit is 70¢ a day for carpenters, 42¢ for tailors 
1779 English fleet beat Dutch Merchant vessels
1783 Import of African slaves banned by all of the 
  Northern states 
1857 Queen Victoria chooses Ottawa as new capital of Canada 
1859 Dutch colony in Dutch Indies counts 4,800 slaves
1862 Union ironclad ship "Monitor" sinks off 
   Cape Hatteras NC 
1890 Ellis Island (New York NY) opens as a US immigration depot 
1896 25th auto built in US
1910 US tobacco industry produced 9 billion cigarettes in 1910 
1924 Edwin Hubble announces existence of distant galaxies
1930 US tobacco industry produced 123 billion cigarettes in 1930 
1935 Charles Darrow patents Monopoly
1938 Dr R N Harger's "drunkometer", 1st breath test, 
   introduced in Indiana 
1938 Dutch national debt hits ƒ3,986,629,805.70 
1939 Dutch national debt hits ƒ4,218,553,180.99
1940 37 U boats sunk this month (213,000 ton) 
1942 60 U boats sunk this month (330,000 ton) 
1946 French troops leave Lebanon 
1958 Cuban dictator Batista flees 
1974 Gold legal in US
1974 Popular Electronics displays Altair 8800 computer
1977 Ted Bundy escapes from jail in Colorado
1978 Taiwan's final day of diplomatic relations with the US 
1990 United Somali Congress seizes Presidential Palace 
1991 USSR, last day of existence
1992 Target date set for Europe's single market 
1994 1st snowless December in Baltimore MD 
1997 Intel cuts price of Pentium II-233 MHz 
   from $401 to $268 
1997 Microsoft buys Hotmail E-mail service
1997 More Swedes died than were born in 1997, 
   1st time since 1809 
1999 Control of Panamá Canal reverts to Panamá
2012  smiled


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Wireless Camera Chip 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, December 30. Thank you Cathi! Quite a few asked me what all this "Fiscal Cliff" BS is all about. Well, basically it is tax increases and funding cuts to pay for election campaign goodies and to pay for bills, that were due during the election campaign, but would have been inconvenient to mention at the time. So those inconvenient measures were postponed and set to happen like automatic time bombs during the next president's term. The next president could then have said, it's all Obama's fault, just like Obama claims it is all Bush's fault. Well, Obama got re-elected, and is stuck with those automatic time bombs, that will go off on January 1st, unless he figures out some really good excuse to make your great-grand-kids pay for all that stuff. The House and he Senate are playing hard to get, and uncooperative, just like they were in Bush's second term. They know that the pendulum is swinging towards the right, and they are more concerned about securing themselves a warm place to crap, than anything Obama is panicking about. All those automatically scheduled meaures don't affect them anyway, they just affect people, who are not in the Senate or the House. Those automatic time bombs were put in place a year ago. They are like a promise made to the electrical company, that if you don't pay your overdue bill by January 1, they are welcome to disconnect your electricity. It is going to hurt, but that is what the majority voted for. There is absolutely nothing you or I can do about it, except try to remember it during the next election. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. --- Bill Watterson Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. --- Jackie Mason
>From Patti One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, mudpack on her face, and wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her. "I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!"
Company Policy Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it and beat him up. Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. Again, replace a third original monkey with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four monkeys that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey. After replacing the fourth and fifth original monkeys, all the monkeys that have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been around here. And that's how company policy begins
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Amanda Rowles, 27, El Paso County, CO. Teacher Jailed for Repeatedly Having Sex With Two Male Students Reported by The Weekly Vice Amanda Rowles, a 27-year-old drama and choir teacher at Calhan High School has been jailed after she allegedly had sex with two male students. According to the El Paso County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched last September after Calhan School administrators advised the Sheriff's Office of a possible relationship between Rowles and a student. The investigation revealed that Rowles allegedly engaged in sexual relationships with two 17-year-old students during the 2011-2012 school year. Investigators say one student stated that he had sex with Rowles "on at least 40 occasions" over a six month period. The sexual encounters reportedly took place while Rowles and the student were hiking together or when they were at her mother's house. A second student told investigators that he pursued a relationship with Rowles after she kissed him in the classroom after school. A sexual relationship developed between Rowles and the student even after she had pushed him away at one point and acknowledged that the relationship was wrong. The student told investigators that he was "hurt" when Rowles abruptly ended their relationship and moved away. At the end of the 2011-2012 school year, Rowles resigned her position at the school and moved to the Denver area where she was arrested by the Aurora County Sheriff's Office. She was booked into the Aurora County Jail and charged with two counts each of sexual assault on a child by one in a position of trust and sexual assault/pattern of abuse. Her bond has been set at $50,000.
Tech Support Pits From: Margene Re: Wireless Camera Dear Webby You spent a lot of time answering about camera’s. There is one more option. For any camera with a memory card, you can buy an eye-fi card. They have 3 cards with varying amounts of storage. I have a picnic once a year. I take the pictures in the back yard and by the time I get in the house they are loaded on my computer. This card can go from camera to camera. Check it out at http://www.eye.fi/products, A great product. Margene Dear Margene Thank you for that info and link! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Microwave To Refresh Masking Tape If your masking tape comes off in little pieces, zap the roll of tape in the microwave 10-20 seconds and it will work as it should. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
The World’s Shortest Excel Book This condensed e-Book has all you need to become a relaxed and confident Excel expert, instead of a scared novice. Written in easy to understand language and without all the confusing and intimidating fillers. Excellent deal even if you use spreadsheets only occasionally. Get The World’s Shortest Excel Book now!

A father thought it was about time to lecture his son, who was somewhat scatter-brained and frivolous. "Jim," he said, "You're getting to be a man now and you ought to take life more seriously. Just think . . . if I died all of a sudden, where would you be?" "I'd be right here, dad," said Jim. "The question is, where would YOU be?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On a U.S. cruiser the officer of the deck asked the starboard lookout, "What would you do if a sailor was washed overboard?" "I'd yell 'Man overboard,'" answered the lookout snappily. "Good," said the officer. "Now what would you do if an officer fell overboard?" The lookout asked, "Which one, sir?"
» Department Store Museum
Sew much Comfort

Today in 
0987 French King Hugo Capet crowns his son Robert the 
   compassionate king
1317 Pontifical decree "Sancta Romania" against spiritualists
  (Gypsy fortune tellers) 
1703 Tokyo hit by Earthquake; about 37,000 die
1835 After gold discovery in Georgia, Cherokees are forced 
to move across Mississippi River 
1853 Gadsden Purchase - 45,000 square miles (120,000 km) 
   by Gila River from México for $10 million; 
   Area is now southern Arizona & New Mexico 
1861 US, banks stops payments in gold 
1906 Iran becomes a constitutional monarchy 
1922 Soviet Union organized
1935 Italian bombers destroy Swedish Red Cross unit in Ethiopia
1936 United Auto Workers stage 1st sit-down strike
1938 Electronic television system patented by V K Zworykin
1949 India recognizes People's Republic of China
1950 Vietnam, Laos & Cambodia become Independent states 
  in France Union
1958 French franc devalued
1972 President Nixon halts bombing of North Vietnam 
   & announces peace talks 
1988 Canadian Senate OK's free trade pact; with US
1993 Vatican recognizes Israel 
2012  smiled


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