Slave Drives 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, January 31.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


It cooled off enough so that the snow became noisy when
walked on. In case you are a Southerner, and have never
heard that, it is a sound half way between a creak and
a scream.

Traction is quite good on snow, when it is noisy. My left
elbow and both hips are still sore from bombing the 
sidewalks yesterday, so I was quite apopreciative of the 
noisy new snow.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Floriduh Deputy charged with scorching 3 year old child's genitals with blow dryer because child wouldn't let him sleep Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"The Constitution does not specify how long the State of the Union address must be. You know who gave the longest State of the Union address ever? Bill Clinton. You know who gave the shortest? George Washington. It was just a couple of minutes. Well sure, when a politician cannot tell a lie, it limits how much they can say." --- Jay Leno ------------ That may have to be updated. Not sure, though, since I don't have time to listen that long.
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>From Roland Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher. I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately. "You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied. "I just threw my wife's credit cards in there."
>From George Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals .......very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now.
A still evening a few days ago. You still see the almost smoothed over snow angel and drift I mentioned a couple of weeks ago. During a Chinook that chime in the foreground flies straight horizontally. Noisily too! Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cody Marrone, 21, Spring Hill, Floriduh Deputy charged with scorching 3 year old child's genitals with blow dryer because child wouldn't let him sleep reported by the Weekly Vice Cody Marrone, a 21-year-old Florida man, was jailed Friday after he allegedly burned a 3-year-old boy's genitals because the child wouldn't let him sleep. According to the Hernando County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to Spring Hill Regional Hospital after a 3-year-old boy was admitted for burn marks that didn't appear accidental. The boy reportedly had burn marks to multiple parts of his body including his genital area, buttocks and chest. To make matters worse, the boy's genital area had become inflamed and severely swollen from the burns. The burn marks also took the shape of a grill, which the mother noted as being the same shape and pattern of her blow dryer. Investigators say the mother, Meghan Sherron, had been at work when the boy was injured and had placed the child in the care of her ex-boyfriend, Cody, as she had done many times in the past. When deputies questioned Marrone about the burns, Marrone told them that the boy injured himself while playing with the blow dryer. However, after he was read his Miranda Rights, Marrone admitted to causing the child's injuries. Marrone, who is a Hernando County Detention Deputy, went on to inform investigators that he burned the little boy with the blow dryer because the child would not "let him sleep," according to the arrest affidavit. Marrone was booked into jail and charged with aggravated child abuse and child neglect. His bond has been set at $20,000. Now the detention deputy is in detention. Tech Support Pits From: Ricky Re: Slave setting Dear Webby, How do I change a master hard drive to a slave? I have a couple older hard drives that I would like to be able to add to my com. There is one particular drive that I got out of a computer from freecycle.org, lets call that drive I, always starts when I turn on the computer. I end up running on "Windows 95" I dont' want that. I want to run my current drive, C, and be able to access I as a seperate drive. You see, drive I has a lot of music on it and I just want to be able to access it like I do any of my other spare drives.... Thanks Webby -Ricky On really old drives the jumpers for that are on the circuit board, on newer ones they are between the ribbon cable and the power plug-in. If you look close, you'll see one or two miniature Lego blocks. Those are the jumpers. Now, if you look at the label side of the drive, there is a small diagram showing you how to set the jumper to tell it to be a Master drive, Slave drive or RAID drive. Nowadays the simples way to run extra drives is in external drive enclosures and plugged into a USB port. Externally, with USB-2 drive enclosures you can run another two drives. USB drives have to be set as Slaves. Your C: drive is the Master, it determines which Operating system is used. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ski Mask For Winter Cycling Cold weather cycling can be made much more comfortable by a trip to your local ski shop. Ski gear is designed for breaking the cold wind you're likely to face when winter cycling. A knit ski mask with a vapor-permeable membrane will protect your face from icy winds but won't get soggy as you breathe hard during exertion. It should fit closely enough to allow you to wear your normal helmet on top. By joesgirl Make sure you take it off before going into the bank or even stopping at a drive-through! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
There was a king in Africa who had a close friend that he grew up with. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, "This is good!" One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail. About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied him to a stake surrounded by wood. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king had but one thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. They untied the king and sent him away. As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt so very badly about his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right" he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this." "No," his friend replied, "this is good!" "What do you mean, 'this is good'! How could it be good that I sent you, my good friend, to jail for all this time?" "If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you - and eaten!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

I know my company has made a big effort to be family friendly, but I was baffled when I read this holiday an- nouncement posted on the bulletin board: "All employees are invited to the annual Valentines Day party. All children under the age of ten will receive a gift. Employees who have no children may bring grandchildren."
>From Myrna Using a new painting program on my computer, I managed to come up with a very credible still life of fruit. I made a color printout and sent it to my daughter, a graphic designer. She called when it arrived. "Isn't it good?" I asked. She chuckled, and in a tone that echoed mine from years ago, replied, "Mom, it's beautiful. We put it on the refrigerator."

» Land of Hope

Today, January 31, in
1606 - Guy Fawkes was executed after being convicted for his 
 role in the "Gunpowder Plot" against the English 
 Parliament and King James I.
1747 - The first clinic specializing in the treatment of 
 venereal diseases was opened at London Dock Hospital.
1858 - The Great Eastern, the five-funnelled steamship 
 designed by Brunel, was launched at Millwall.
1865 - In America, General Robert E. Lee was named 
 general-in-chief of the Confederate armies.
1865 - The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed 
 by the U.S. House of Representatives. It was ratified by the 
 necessary number of states on December 6, 1865. The amendment 
 abolished slavery in the United States.
1876 - All Native American Indians were ordered to move into 
 reservations.
1893 - The trademark "Coca-Cola" was first registered in the 
 United States Patent Office.
1917 - Germany announced its policy of unrestricted submarine 
 warfare.
1929 - The USSR exiled Leon Trotsky. He found asylum in 
 Mexico.
1930 - U.S. Navy Lt. Ralph S. Barnaby became the first glider 
 pilot to have his craft released from a Zeppelin, at 
 Lakehurst, NJ.
1940 - The first Social Security check was issued by the 
 U.S. Government.
1944 - During World War II, U.S. forces invaded Kwajalein 
 Atoll and other areas of the Japanese-held Marshall Islands.
1945 - Private Eddie Slovik became the only U.S. soldier 
 since the U.S. Civil War to be executed for desertion.
1946 - A new constitution in Yugoslavia created six 
 constituent republics (Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia, Slovenia, 
 Bosnia-Herzegovina, Macedonia) subordinated to a central 
 authority, on the model of the USSR.
1949 - The first TV daytime soap opera was broadcast from 
 NBC's station in Chicago, IL. It was "These Are My Children."
1950 - U.S. President Truman announced that he had ordered 
 development of the hydrogen bomb.
1958 - Explorer I was put into orbit around the earth. It was 
 the first U.S. earth satellite.
1971 - Astronauts Alan B. Shepard Jr., Edgar D. Mitchell and 
 Stuart A. Roosa blasted off aboard Apollo 14 on a mission 
 to the moon.
1971 - Telephone service between East and West Berlin was 
 re-established after 19 years.
1982 - Sandy Duncan gave her final performance as "Peter Pan" 
 in Los Angeles, CA. She completed 956 performances without 
 missing a show.
1983 - The wearing of seat belts in cars became compulsory 
 in Britain.
1983 - JCPenney announced plans to spend in excess of $1 B
 over the next five years to modernize stores
1985 - The final Jeep rolled off the assembly line at the 
 AMC plant in Toledo, OH.
1990 - McDonald's Corp. opened its first fast-food restaurant 
 in Moscow, Russia.
1995 - U.S. President Clinton invoked presidential emergency 
 authority to provide a $20 billion loan to Mexico to 
 stabilize its economy.
1996 - In Columbo, Sri Lanka, a truck was rammed into the 
 gates of the Central Bank. The truck filled with explosives 
 killed at least 86 and injured 1,400.
2000 - An Alaska Airlines jet crashed into the ocean off 
 Southern California. All 88 people on board were killed.
2001 - A Scottish court in the Netherlands convicted one 
 Libyan and acquitted a second in the bombing of Pan Am 
 Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland, that occurred in 1988.
 Ten years later Col.Gadhafi was blamed for it.
2014  smiled.


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Recommend a printer 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, January 30.
We got a couple inches of new snow.
There was some ice hidden underneath and on tonight's walk
I bombed the sidewalk in a few places. No real damage done,
but it took the fun out of the walk.
I am going to try the Yak-tracks that a friend gave me.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to British Escort, who got taxpayer funded 32-A to 36-DD implants, now wants reduction surgery Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2002 Japan's last coal mine was closed. The closures were due to too high wages and cheap imports. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. --- H. H. Williams Every crowd has a silver lining. --- Phineas Taylor Barnum "Politics is a dirty business. And with Hillary Clinton announcing that she is running for president, Republicans are already digging up dirt on her. And they found out that she once slept with Bill Clinton." --- Dave Letterman
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

An elderly gentleman checked into a New York hotel. The clerk mentioned the phone service the establishment made available for calling guests who wished to rise at an early hour. "No need for that, young man," snapped the old timer. "I always wake up at five A.M. sharp - without an alarm clock." "Very good, sir," the clerk replied, then asked, "Would you mind calling me at six?"
Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn and down in the mouth. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?" The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars." "I'm sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, eh?" "Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear." "Well, you can't be disappointed with that!" "Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars." "Incredible... so how come you look so glum?" "Well, this week...nothing!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Josie Cunningham, 23, London, England Escort, who got taxpayer funded 32-A to 36-DD implants, now wants reduction surgery reported by the Huffington Post Josie Cunningham incurred some wrath when she revealed she’d had a Ł4,800 tax payer-funded breast enlargement. Despite proudly posing topless in The Sun to show off her 36DD breasts, shortly afterwards Cunningham announced her new chest was “ruining her life” and that she intended to sue the NHS for clinical negligence and emotional distress. (NHS is England's version of Obamacare) A skin cancer scare caused Cunningham to perform yet another U-turn and now the 23-year-old single mother of two has vowed to pay for her own reduction surgery, as well as reimburse the NHS for the original implants – by working as an escort. Cunningham, who had her surgery at St James’ Hospital in Leeds a year ago, tells Closer magazine: “Escorting is a fast way to make money and I’ve discovered it’s a great job. “The only hard part is not falling for the client because some are really attractive. I enjoy sex so it’s not like it’s a chore and the free dinners are great – it’s like being paid to date. “I charge Ł450 for dinner and Ł1,000 for the night, including sex. It’s much better than scraping by on minimum wages working in a shop!” The mother-of-two had hoped to re-launch herself as the “new Katie Price” after the surgery, which was approved after she told doctors her 32A chest was “ruining her life” (there's that phrase again!) But despite claims she had been “inundated” with further offers to pose, Cunningham’s glamour modelling dreams fell flat. She said: “I thought I’d give up when I made enough money for the reduction and to pay back the NHS, but I’ve been splashing out on gifts for my family instead. “I’ve saved Ł1,000 so far (in two years since the implant surgery) and I’m having my reduction in the next few months. It won’t take me long to raise the rest I need to reimburse the NHS. So far her threat of reduction surgery seems to be just a publicity stunt to get escort clients. Tech Support Pits From: Marj Re: Recommend a printer Dear Webby, please recommend printer, copier, fax that is economical but reliable . I value your opinion and appreciate you help. Marj Dear Marj I use a DELL 13020c color laser for printing for about 6 years now. For scanning I use a twelve year old Brother 4-function printer, that stopped printing about yen years ago, but still scans just fine. For faxing I use Windows. You can fax straight out of any word processor, spreadsheet or graphics program. You hit CTRL P, select FAX as the printer, and then POPP (Print Other People's Paper) Setting up Fax on your computer is easy. Just hit F1, type FAX, and let it guide you through it. DELL now has much cheaper printers than the old 1320c, but it is still available too. Just get a color laser that is in your price range. Inkjets are cheaper to purchase, but then you really get punished with the ink. If you get a 4 function Inkjet printer free with a magazine subscription, watch out! Good Luck! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Vinegar You can save on cleaning products by using white vinegar and newspaper to clean your windows, windows come out sparkling clean. You can also use white vinegar for washing your floors, add 1/2 cup white vinegar to last rinse cycle of your wash to control static cling. Also white vinegar is good for cleaning coffeemakers, tea kettles, tea pots, coffee and tea mugs. There are so many uses for white vinegar and it is non-toxic and does many jobs much better than cleaners from the store. By Anita in Toms River, NJ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then just how serious is my condition, because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The building contractor proudly pointed to the nearly completed residence. "Lady, this house may seem a little shaky right now, but you just wait until we put up the wallpaper."
An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son. "Yes Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous son, do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife!"

» Frozen in Time

Today, January 30, in
1649 England's King Charles I was beheaded.
1790 The first purpose-built lifeboat was launched on the 
 River Tyne.
1798 The first brawl in the U.S. House of Representatives 
 took place. Congressmen Matthew Lyon and Roger Griswold 
 fought on the House floor.
1847 The town of Yerba Buena was renamed San Francisco.
1862 The U.S. Navy's first ironclad warship, the 
 "Monitor", was launched.
1889 Rudolph, crown prince of Austria, and his 17-year-old 
 mistress, Baroness Marie Vetsera, were found shot in his 
 hunting lodge at Mayerling, near Vienna.
1894 C.B. King received a patent for the pneumatic hammer.
1900 The British fighting the Boers in South Africa ask 
 for a larger army.
1910 Work began on the first board-track automobile 
 speedway. The track was built in Playa del Ray, CA.
1911 The first airplane rescue at sea was made by the 
destroyer "Terry." Pilot James McCurdy was forced to land 
 in the ocean about 10 miles from Havana, Cuba.
1933 "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the first 
 time. The program ran for 2,956 episodes and ended in 1955.
1933 Adolf Hitler was named the German Chancellor.
1948 Indian political and spiritual leader Mahatma Gandhi 
 was murdered by a Hindu extremist.
1958 The first two-way moving sidewalk was put in service 
 at Love Field in Dallas, TX. The length of the walkway 
 through the airport was 1,435 feet.
1964 The U.S. launched Ranger 6. The unmanned spacecraft 
 carried television cameras and was intentionally crash-landed
 on the moon. The cameras did not return any pictures to Earth.
1968 The Tet Offensive began as Communist forces launched 
 surprise attacks against South Vietnamese provincial capitals.
1972 In Northern Ireland, British soldiers shot and killed 
 thirteen Roman Catholic civil rights marchers. The day is 
 known as "Bloody Sunday."
1979 The civilian government of Iran announced it had decided 
 to allow Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini to return. He had been 
 living in exile in France sending tape recordings to Iran,
 that were instrumental in getting the Shah kicked out.
1989 The U.S. embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan was closed.
1995 The U.N. Security Council authorized the deployment of a 
 6,000-member U.N. peace-keeping contingent to assume security 
 responsibilities in Haiti from U.S. forces.
1996 Gino Gallagher, the reputed leader of the Irish National 
 Liberation Army, was shot and killed as he queued for his 
 unemployment benefit.
1997 A New Jersey judge ruled that the unborn child of a 
 female prisoner must have legal representation. He denied 
 the prisoner bail reduction to enable her to leave the 
 jail and obtain an abortion.
2002 Japan's last coal mine was closed. The closures were 
 due to too high wages and cheap imports. 
2014  smiled.


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How to get rid of Conduit malware 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, January 29.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Shahzad Iqbal, who was jailed after threatening Walmart employee with BB Gun when he couldn't return a used tablet without receipt. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1997 - America Online agreed to give refunds to frustrated customers under threat of lawsuits Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. --- Mignon McLaughlin For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. --- Bob Wells
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A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I guess so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my ducks!"
Thanks to Allen for this story: I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she'd solved the problem by turning off the lights. A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't tell her about the engines."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shahzad Iqbal, 41, Laurel, MD Shahzad Iqbal, who was jailed after threatening Walmart employee with Gun, when he couldn't return a used tablet without receipt reported by the Weekly Vice Shahzad Iqbal, a 41-year-old Maryland man, was jailed Monday after he allegedly threatened a Walmart employee with a BB gun when he was told he could not return an item without a receipt. (After the "Entitlement Crowd" used to march in, take items off the shelf, walk them to the Cutomer Service counter and cash them in, ahem, return them for cash, they started asking for a receipt long before they expanded to Maryland.) According to police, the mayhem started Monday at about 11 p.m. when Iqbal walked into a Laural Walmart, approached the customer service counter and attempted to "return" a used electronic tablet device. Investigators say a woman working at the customer service counter asked to see a purchase receipt, however Iqbal was unable to provide one. He then removed a pair of headphones from his head and demanded cash in return for them as well. When the employee informed Iqbal that no items could be returned without a receipt, he reportedly became angry. That's when he allegedly placed a backpack on the counter, removed what appeared to be a machine gun and pointed it at the employee. When the employee screamed, Iqbal reportedly fled the scene. He was located a short time later a short distance from the store. The gun was located in Iqbal's backpack and was later identified as a CO2 powered BB gun. He was booked into jail and charged with attempted robbery, attempted first-degree assault and possession of a controlled dangerous substance. ____________ Yeah, ya gotta watch that CO2. Dangerous stuff! It can cause Government grants! Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: How do you get rid of Conduit? Dear Webby Hi there. Here I come with another question and I'm thinking you could be making a mint by charging for all these questions! HA!HA! I have this horrid "Conduit Search" on my screen after downloading Firefox which I love. Switched from IE to Firefox and just love it, but can't seem to figure out how I got the "Conduit Search" and now , how to get rid of it. Have you got any suggestions? I'm open to just about anything. Went to Control Panel, Add & Remove Programs but there's nothing there resembling "Conduit Search" so no help from that avenue. Hope you're toughing out this very cold winter right across Canada. We live in Ontario and it's been bitterly cold for so long that I'm wondering if spring will ever come! Thanks for all your help, Wendy Dear Wendy It's nice and warm here. Clear sky, warm sun, +3C, and the snow around the West side of the house is gone. On the South side there are still snow drifts. Conduit is a very nasty browser hijacker. It has nothing to do with FireFox, it just hijacks it. It also hijacks other browsers. You get it when you download stuff from dubious sources like Open Candy. For example, if you are searching for a replacement for the no longer working Windows clock gadget, you might find some really cute clocks and fall in love with them. Then, when you are downloading them, there are a few "User Agreement" forms, that APPEAR harmless enough, but somewhere in the small print you agree to the Conduit search and tool bar. It won't necessarily appear right away, so that you won't know, how you got infected with it. Because you agreed to the crap, Anti-Virus programs can't do anything. Conduit burrows deep into your computer, and is not easy to remove. You can try CrapCleaner and Spybot-Search&Destroy from my tool box at http://webby.com/tools. Chances are pretty good that CrapCleaner will get rid of that crap. Run Spybot afterwards for extra cleaning. If those do not do the trick, here are some removal guides: http://botcrawl.com/how-to-remove-condu ... h-malware/ http://www.wikihow.com/Remove-Conduit-Search-Protect http://malwaretips.com/blogs/remove-con ... d-toolbar/ (scroll down past the BS) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6V83Z0YIhY This one has the instructions in a video Good Luck! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lysine for Treating a Cold Sore Regarding cold sores, I find it much easier to take extra Lysine. One or two 1,000 mg tabs stops it in its tracks. Lysine is an amino acid and unless one has had an actual fever, most cold sores are caused from an amino acid imbalance (too much arginine - for me from nuts). I first heard about Lysine from the Parade Magazine that was carried in the St. Louis Post Dispatch back in the 1970s. The weekend that paper came out, grocery and pharmaceutical shelves were cleared of Lysine. However, it soon became available again. It is not expensive and it works. I always keep a bottle on hand. Noella Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
In the mood for joking, a vacationer strolled over to a farmer working in a field and asked, "Did you happen to see a wagonload of monkeys go by?" "Nope," replied the farmer. "Did you fall off?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

"If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said the newlywed bride, "breakfast will be ready." "Good, what are we having for breakfast," said the new husband. "Toast and juice," she replied.
One of the burdens of office of the small town mayor was his brother in-law, a fellow who liked to throw his or, rather, his in-law's political weight around. The mayor had instructed his policemen and other city officials to treat him just like they would any other taxpayer. The brother-in-law got a ticket for overtime parking. He immediately descended in fury on police headquarters, waving the ticket and sputtering, "Hey, do you know who I am?" The desk sergeant surveyed him calmly, picked up his phone and dialed the mayor's office. "Tell the mayor," he said to the secretary, "that his brother-in-law is down here and can't remember his name. Should we send him to the loonie bin, or just lock him up for a few days and see if his memory returns?"

» Ugly Critters

Today, January 29, in
1820 - Britain's King George III died insane at Windsor Castle.
1848 - Greenwich Mean Time was adopted by Scotland.
1850 - Henry Clay introduced in the Senate a compromise bill 
 on slavery that included the admission of California into 
 the Union as a free state.
1886 - The first successful petrol-driven motorcar, built 
 by Karl Benz, was patented.
1916 - In World War I, Paris was bombed by German zeppelins 
 for the first time.
1924 - R. Taylor patented the ice cream cone rolling machine.
1949 - "The Newport News" was commissioned as the first 
 air-conditioned naval ship in Virginia.
1963 - Britain was refused entry into the EEC.
1987 - "Physician’s Weekly" announced that the smile on 
 the face of Leonardo DeVinci's Mona Lisa was caused by a 
 "...facial paralysis resulting from a swollen nerve 
 behind the ear."
1990 - Joseph Hazelwood, the former skipper of the Exxon 
 Valdez, went on trial in Anchorage, AK, on charges that 
 stemmed from America's worst oil spill. Hazelwood was 
 later acquitted of all the major charges and was 
 convicted of a misdemeanor.
1997 - America Online agreed to give refunds to 
 frustrated customers under threat of lawsuits 
1998 - A bomb exploded at an abortion clinic in Birmingham, 
 AL, killing an off-duty policeman and severely wounding 
 a nurse. Eric Rudolph was charged with this bombing and 
 three other attacks in Atlanta.
1999 - Paris prosecutors announced the end of the 
 investigation into the accident that killed Britain's 
 ex-Princess Diana.
2001 - In Indonesia, thousands of student protesters 
 stormed the parliament property and demanded that President 
 Abdurrahman Wahid quit due to his alleged involvement in 
 two corruption scandals. Wahid announced that he would 
 not resign.
2014  smiled.


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Here is how to make filters in Gmail 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, January 28.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes for Most memorable mug shot after getting jailed for criminal impersonation Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1986 The U.S. space shuttle Challenger exploded just after takeoff. All seven of its crewmembers were killed. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. --- Phyllis Diller He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. --- Friedrich Nietzsche
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

Thanks to Connie for this story: The telemarketer did his best to convince me to renew my subscription for another year. "At this price, it's really a great bargain," he said. I'm elderly," I laughed. "I might die before the subscription ends." "No problem," he assured me. "You'll get a refund."
Thanks to Margaret for this story: Jesse Jackson got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked in the mirror and noticed he was white from the neck up to the top of his head. In sheer panic and fearing he really was turning white and might have to start working for a living, he called his doctor and told him of his problem. The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately. After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to Jesse, and told him to drink it all. Jesse did and replied, "That tasted like bull sh..!" The doctor replied, "It was, Jesse. You were a quart low."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Arena Arnold, 27, Penfield, NY Most memorable mug shot after getting jailed for criminal impersonation reported by Huff Post Investigators say Arnold was in a car crash, and tried to portray herself as a passenger when she was the driver, WHEC.com reported. Arnold was allegedly untruthful about her identity and also was intoxicated, investigators told the Victor Post. Arnold was arraigned and taken to the Monroe County Jail where she remains in lieu of $2,500 cash bail or $5,000 bond. Regardless of the outcome of the case, her bug-eyed, cross-eyed mug is one for the ages. Arnold is hamming it up in her mugshot and apparently doesn't have cross-eyes. Tech Support Pits From: Ruby Re: How do you make filters on Gmail? Dear Webby You have mentioned lots of times to make filters on Gmail, but the issue where you told us how to do that, must have been censored by the ś@#$%&!! at Verizon. They are getting to be a real nuisance. So I need to know the tricks for customizing Gmail to my needs. Thanks Sweetie! Ruby (jewelry please, not lips!) Dear Ruby In Gmail look for the cutesy little gear at the top right corner. Click that Select Settings In there near the top you see a long line of topics. Usually the 5th from the left is "Filters". They are "Alternate Lifestyle" type links without underline. Click "Filters". Scroll all the way to the bottom. There you see another one of those lukewarm links, called "Create a new filter". That gets you to a form, where you can create a filter. It looks confusing, but is probably quite clear to the people at Google. What they mean is you can put in what to look for in the FROM line, or the TO line or the Subject line or the Body. Don't put stuff into more than one field. Their filters are not as robust as the ones in MailWasher. Just fill one field, for example put humor@webby.com into the FROM field. DON'T click on the magnifying glass at the left bottom to test, unless you want to start all over. They klutz3ed up the return from test. So don't do a test unless you really doubt your ability to enter valid criteria. Instead click on CREATE FILTER In the next screen you have all kinds of options for what to do with caught stuff. For example put a checkmark into "Never send it to Spam" and into "Apply the label" and pull that down to the letter H You can even make new labels there. Thenn, down near the bottom is a checkbox "Also apply filter to matching conversations." Check that one. Then hit CREATE FILTER In there the test works without messing up, and from now on that filter will protect your Humor Letter from getting tossed into the Spam, if I am thundering about certain Malware. You can just as easily make filters to nuke unwanted stuff. Theoretically they were going to make it so that it learns about what people deliberately toss into Spam, but that does not work yet. You have to make filters. After the first one it is quite easy. Just don't click on the TEST button. Gmail has VERY good spam filtering, but sometimes their well intentiond efforts go a bit too far and you need filters more to protect legitimate mail than to dump bad stuff. For fine tuning the results I use MailWasher. There you can use "but not if" and similar rules. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ice for Treating a Cold Sore When you first start to feel the uncomfortable tingle start applying ice to the infected area on and off till the cube has melted. Afterward pat dry. Make a mixture out of extra virgin coconut oil about 1 tbs, and tea tree oil (3-4 drops). Heat the coconut oil in a small bottle by submerging it with a lid on it in warm water, then add the tea tree oil shake to mix. Use ice, then mixture 3-5× daily. It should not get any bigger and heal in 2-4 days in my experience. It is best if the mixture is applied with a Q-tip. By mrs.emmert Aloe Vera works well too. I cut or puncture a capsule and squeeze a drop onto the starting cold sore, and repeat that half a day later, if necessary. If not, I eat the cut capsule. Like honey, Aloe Vera does not go bad, but cut capsules littering the medicine shelf are a nuisance. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Laura is driving down the highway with her hand stuck out the window and waving in every direction. The police officer that is following behind her finally has had enough and hits the lights and signals Laura to pull over. "First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer. "I decided not to turn right," Laura explains. "Then why the up and down?" asks the officer. "Officer," Laura sniffs, "I was erasing!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

How many gears in a French tank? Sixteen, fifteen reverse, and one forward in case they are attacked from behind.
>From Chris Dear Webby, can you please bring the "Dogfood Diet" again? Sure! DOGFOOD DIET I have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?) On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a truck hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he roared with laughter staggering to the door and fresh air.

» Black Top Art

Today, January 28, in
1521 The Diet of Worms began, at which Protestant reformer 
 Luther was declared an outlaw by the Roman Catholic church.
 Diets have had a bad name ever since.
1547 England's King Henry VIII died. He was succeeded by 
 his 9 year-old son, Edward VI.
1788 The first British penal settlement was founded at 
 Botany Bay.
1807 London's Pall Mall became the first street lit 
 by gaslight.
1871 France surrendered in the Franco-Prussian War.
1878 The first telephone switchboard was installed 
 in New Haven, CT.
1909 The United States ended direct control over Cuba.
1915 The Coast Guard was created to fight contraband trade
1918 The Bolsheviks occupied Helsinki, Finland.
1935 Iceland became the first country to introduce 
 legalized abortion.
1938 The first US ski tow started operation in Vermont.
1945 During World War II, Allied supplies began reaching 
 China over the newly reopened Burma Road.
1958 Construction began on first private thorium-uranium 
 nuclear reactor.
1965 General Motors reported the biggest profit of any 
 U.S. company in history.
1980 Six Americans who had fled the U.S. embassy in Tehran, 
 Iran, on November 4, 1979, left Iran using false Canadian 
 diplomatic passports. The Americans had been hidden at 
 the Canadian embassy in Tehran.
1982 Italian anti-terrorism forces rescued U.S. Brigadier 
 General James L. Dozier 42 days after he had been kidnapped 
 by the Red Brigades.
1986 The U.S. space shuttle Challenger exploded just after 
 takeoff. All seven of its crewmembers were killed.
1999 Ford Motor Company announced the purchase of Sweden's 
 Volvo AB for $6.45 billion.
2014  smiled.


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Lost Excel data 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, January 27.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a bonehead who was jailed after stealing 480 ton ferry. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2003 Altria Group, Inc. became the name of the parent company of Kraft Foods, Philip Morris USA, Philip Morris International and Philip Morris Capital Corporation. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All movements go too far. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>From Bev One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?" As I thought of a simple explanation, my five-year-old son piped up, "It's the one they have in front of the grocery store."
Here is a Classic: A thief in Paris planned to steal some Paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.' I had no Monet To buy Degas To make the Van Gogh.' Do you have De Gaulle to tell this to someone else? Hey, you have nothing Toulouse .
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of one of her Calla Lilies: Click on the picture for the large version In our yard today. This is the medium size flower. The big kind gets over 6 feet tall,with flowers to match. We live on the Central Coast of California. ~~ Lillemor
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Samuel McDonough, 33, Preston, Washington Jailed after stealing 480 ton ferry reported by Huff Post A man who told police he took the Victoria Clipper ferry from its Seattle waterfront berth as a birthday present to himself has been sentenced to nearly 2 ˝ years in prison. Samuel McDonough of Preston was able to break the ferry away from the dock on Dec. 1 but didn't know how to operate the vessel, which was spotted drifting in Elliott Bay. The 33-year-old was eventually arrested. McDonough was sentenced Friday. He earlier pleaded guilty to burglary and theft charges. He also told police he was a "pirate" and said he wanted to go to Victoria, British Columbia. In charging papers, prosecutors say McDonough took the $8 million, 480-ton boat after climbing through a hole in a fence and using keys he found in the boat's pilot house. Tech Support Pits From: Ken Re: Lost Excel data I took your suggestion and downloaded crap cleaner. To my chagrin it seems to have have cleaned out all my addresses I had in Microsoft Excel. Any suggestions on how/where to recover them if it is even possible? Thanks. Ken Dear Ken I have never heard of CrapCleaner messing with Excel files. I use it all the time and have Excel files all over the place. It has never touched them. If your Excel file was in the recycle Bin, then it is gone, because one of the first things CrapCleaner does, is dump the Recycle Bin to give you some elbow room. If you "hid" it in the Recycle Bin, chances of recovery are slim. You can try the Undeleter Possibly you had more than one shortcut going to that Excel file. If you did, depending on your settings, it could have deleted the redundant ones. Look for older shortcuts, or search for *.xls with the Search in the START button. Once you find it again, make a new desktop shortcut to it. CrapCleaner most definitely does not reach into Excel files and delete anything inside them. If you have the file, just not the addresses, check the tabs at the bottom. Are you on Sheet 1? If the cat tabbed it to Sheet 5, it would look like the addresses have been cleaned out. I often use tabs further back as a scratch pad, but delete my calculations after pasting the result into an email or invoice. It HAS happened to me that I opened a spreadsheet and not realized, that I was not on Sheet 1 and was momentarily quite worried. Once I checked the tabs and clicked onto Sheet 1, everything was there. I HAVE called myself names over that issue! Check that first. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Liquid Soap in Purse Often when we need hand soap in a public place; none is available. An empty pill bottle is easy to carry with liquid soap in your pocket or purse. No spills or mess. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The missionary asked the cannibal chief, "Do you people know anything about Christian religion?" After a pause, the chief answered, "We got a little taste of it when the last missionary was here."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two men were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freight vessel. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth! This particular genie, however, stated that she could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" Immediately the genie clapped her hands with a deafening crash, and the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished to her freedom. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. The other man looked disgustedly at the one whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going! Now we're going to have to pee into the boat."
Thanks to Martin for this story: A woman named Jill stood up at her church's Testimony Meeting, or as some churches call it, "Cry Sunday," one Sunday morning. She took the microphone from one of the church ushers and bared her soul to the enrapt congregation: "I want to tell you about the awful accident that my husband, Jim, has suffered this past month. He was riding his bike, lost control, ran off the highway and hit a tree. He was rushed to the hospital, and could have died, but thank the Lord, all he suffered was a broken scrotum." The congregation gasped in horror. The men in the congregation were obviously uneasy and writhed in their seats. "Jim has been in terrible pain all month since the accident. He has trouble breathing. He has trouble swallowing his food. He can hardly lift anything, he's in so much pain, and he has missed work because of it. "He can't lift our children up to hold them and give them the personal love that they need. Worst of all, we can no longer cuddle and have intimate relations. He is in constant pain, a pain so terrible that our love life has all but slipped away into oblivion. I would like to ask you all in the congregation to pray for Jim, and pray for us, that his broken scrotum will soon heal and be as good as new." A dull murmur erupted within the congregation as the full impact of this terrible accident sunk in and the men in the congregation were visibly shaken. Then, as the murmuring settled down, a lone figure stood up in midst of the congregation, worked his way up to the pulpit, obviously in pain, adjusted the microphone to his liking, then said to the congregation: "I'm Jim and I have only one word to say: The word is STERNUM."

» Lifestyle

Today, January 27, in
1606 The trial of Guy Fawkes and his fellow conspirators began. 
 They were executed on January 31.
1880 Thomas Edison patented the electric incandescent lamp.
1900 In China, foreign diplomats in Peking, fearing a revolt, 
 demanded that the imperial government discipline the Boxer 
 rebels.
1926 John Baird, a Scottish inventor, demonstrated a pictorial 
 transmission machine called television.
1943 During World War II, the first all American air raid 
 against Germany took place when about 50 bombers attacked 
 Wilhlemshaven.
1944 The Soviet Union announced that the two year German 
 siege of Leningrad had come to an end.
1945 Soviet troops liberated the Nazi concentration camps 
 Auschwitz and Birkenau in Poland.
1948 Wire Recording Corporation of America announced the 
 first magnetic tape recorder. The ‘Wireway’ machine with 
 a built-in oscillator sold for $149.50.
1951 In the U.S., atomic testing in the Nevada desert began 
 as an Air Force plane dropped a one-kiloton bomb on 
 Frenchman Flats.
1967 At Cape Kennedy, FL, astronauts Virgil I. "Gus" Grissom, 
 Edward H. White and Roger B. Chaffee died in a flash fire 
 during a test aboard their Apollo I spacecraft.
1973 The Vietnam peace accords were signed in Paris.
1977 The Vatican reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's ban 
 on female priests.
1981 U.S. President Reagan greeted the 52 former American 
 hostages released by Iran at the White House.
1984 Wayne Gretzky set a National Hockey League (NHL) record 
 for consecutive game scoring. He ended the streak at 51 games.
1985 The Coca-Cola Company, of Atlanta, GA, announced a plan 
 to sell its soft drinks in the Soviet Union.
1992 Former world boxing champion Mike Tyson went on trial for 
 allegedly raping an 18-year-old contestant in the 1991 Miss 
 Black America Contest.
1997 It was revealed that French national museums were 
 holding nearly 2,000 works of art confiscated from Jews 
 by the Nazis during World War II.
1998 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton appeared on NBC's 
 "Today" show. She charged that the allegations against her 
 husband were the work of a "vast right-wing conspiracy."
1999 The U.S. Senate blocked dismissal of the impeachment 
 case against President Clinton and voted for new testimony 
 from Monica Lewinsky and two other witnesses.
2002 A series of explosions occurred at a military dump in 
 Lagos, Nigeria. More than 1,000 people were killed in the 
 blast and in the attempt to escape.
2003 Altria Group, Inc. became the name of the parent company 
 of Kraft Foods, Philip Morris USA, Philip Morris International 
 and Philip Morris Capital Corporation.
2010 Steve Jobs unveiled the Apple iPad.
2014  smiled.


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Printing in Black 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, January 26.
Back in the saddle again!

Aileen from PayPal wrote about Betty's problem:

Hi! My name is Aileen from PayPal Customer Support. 
I'll definitely help you with the website payment inquiry.

I checked your site and the payment or checkout process 
was smooth. If the drop down menu for the state does not 
show up, rest assured it has nothing to do with your site. 
It's a browser issue, I suggest to contact the client 
and advice her to clear the browsing history, cache and 
cookies and try it again.

In case you need further assistance, please let us know. 
You can also reach us at 1-877-569-1116 during these 
hours:
4:00 AM PT to 10:00 PM PT, Monday–Friday
6:00 AM PT to 8:00 PM PT, Saturday and Sunday

I'm glad I was able to resolve your concern and assisted 
an important customer like you. Thank you for choosing 
PayPal for your online payments. Take care and have a 
wonderful day!
Sincerely,
Aileen
PayPal Consumer Support


Isn't it nice to get prompt and friendly customer service?
I have used PayPal for about 15 years and never had a 
problem with them.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Freeland, Pa. crook, who was jailed after posting his WANTED poster on his Facebook page. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2009 - The Icelandic government and banking system collapsed. Prime Minister Geir Haarde resigned. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. --- Robert Frost
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>From sexysassysatin Lab Report: Our lab results confirm that the red ring around your penis was not cancer. It was lipstick. We are sincerely sorry for the diagnostic error. We apologize for the amputation and regret any inconvenience this might have caused. Your Obamacare Surgeon
>From Dianne This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk. The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and quite a few glasses of single malt there after. Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he has just been arrested. The Englishman answers With humour: "No! Do you know that this is a British car and that my wife is the driver... on the other side???
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version One of our Camelias has started to bloom.It should really be a 'showcase' soon with all those buds. ~~ Lillemor
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jim Lescowitch Jr., 35, FREELAND, Pa. Jailed after posting his WANTED poster on his Facebook page reported by Mail Online He has evaded police since November, but Anthony James Lescowitch Jr. was finally nabbed yesterday - after sharing a wanted picture of himself on his own Facebook page. Freeland Police Department hunted Lescowitch for two months over allegations he assaulted a man in July last year, before posting the wanted bulletin on their Facebook about 9.20pm yesterday. When the Pennsylvania man unwittingly shared the bulletin on his own page about three minutes later, undercover cops baited him. Police arrest Jim Lescowitch Jr., 35, less than two hours after he shared a wanted photo of himself on Facebook and taunted police for not being able to find him Lescowitch was one one of four men charged by police over the July 14 assault of a man on Ridge St. Court papers filed against Lescowitch on November 27 said he was wanted for hitting the victim in the head. Police said the victim fell to the street, was knocked out and robbed while incapacitated. According to court papers, Lescowitch, who was also wanted by Luzerne County Adult Probation, was arraigned. Lescowitch had reportedly been incarcerated about 15 times, the first time for stealing computers when he was 18. He is now 35. Posing as an attractive woman, one of the investigating officers, T.J. Rentschler, began chatting online with Lescowitch about his wanted picture. Over about 30 minutes, the 'woman' was able to gather key information about Lescowitch which led to his arrest. The undercover cop invited Lescowitch to meet for a drink. When the fugitive declined, the cop said: 'The least you can do is come out and have a cigarette with me.' Lescowitch agreed and when he pulled up in a car at the specified location, cops arrested him. Tech Support Pits From: Sir Squirrel Re: Printing in Black I have a problem I have not seen you address as yet. As we both know when typing a letter with the computer and include your e-mail address, your printer is going to print the e-mail address in blue. Until after the 3rd of Feb. I'm stuck with an empty color ink cartridge. SO! My question is, how can I make the printer print out the e-mail address in black? Sir Squirrel Dear Sir Squirrel Just set your printer to print in Black/White instead of color. You can usually do that in File, PageSetup, where you tell it whether to print in Portrait or Landscape. Most printers have a checkbox there for selecting color or Black. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Loose Leaf Paper In Your Printer Here is a great tip that I came up with out of "desperation": I love to peruse craft websites and print out free directions for ones I want to do later. Well, one day I went to print out a couple and found I was out of printer paper. Bummer! But, I found that loose leaf paper worked just as well, plus it has the holes, so now I can put my collection in a 3 ring binder! Now I always print my crafts and recipes on loose leaf paper, cheap and handy! :) By Carol from Landisville, PA On cheap inkjet printers that is quite OK, but I would not advise it on color laser printers. You can get "copy" paper at Costco for $30 a case (5000 sheets) or under $20 for half a case. Loose leaf is much more expensive. Keep in mind, though, that once you have a case, relatives and friends will want to borrow reams (250 packs) of paper. Set a price and write it onto the case, for example $2 / ream. They will still come and get paper from you, but at least your paper will be paid for. (Your actual cost is about $1.50 per 250 sheet ream, if you buy a $30 case.) What is called "Copy" paper is fine for inkjet and laser and normal correspondence. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Ed My wife and I were stopped by a state policeman. He started to write up a speeding ticket. My wife, who is a hairstylist, said, "If you let us off with a warning, I'll give you free haircuts for a year." The policeman removed his hat. He was completely bald.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

“Look at this mess!” roared an angry customer at a local cafe, pointing to his squashed doughnut. “It’s just as you ordered it, sir,” the waitress replied meekly. "You told me to bring you coffee and a doughnut and step on it. So I did.”
As I pulled into the parking lot at the grocery store, I noticed a car with its headlights on. I jotted down the make, color and license number. Inside the store I joined the line at the information desk, and when it was my turn, I told the clerk that there was a green Ford in the parking lot that had its lights on and gave her the license number. "Thank you," she replied, and went on to another customer. The gentleman next to me asked her indignantly, "Aren't you going to announce it?" "There's no need," she replied sheepishly. "That's my car."

» 1947 Ford Truck

Today, January 26, in
1500 - Vicente Yáńez Pinzón discovered Brazil.
1736 - Stanislaus I formally abdicated as King of Poland.
1784 - In a letter to his daughter, Benjamin Franklin 
 expressed unhappiness over the eagle as the symbol of 
 America. He wanted the symbol to be the turkey.
1788 - The first European settlers in Australia, led by 
 Captain Arthur Phillip, landed in what became known as 
 Sydney. The group had first settled at Botany Bay eight 
 days before. This day is celebrated as Australia Day.
1827 - Peru seceded from Colombia in protest against 
 Simón Bolívar's alleged tyranny.
1841 - Britain formally occupied Hong Kong, which the 
 Chinese had ceded to the British.
1861 - In the U.S., Louisiana seceded from the Union.
1870 - The state of Virgina rejoined the Union.
1875 - George F. Green patented the electric dental drill 
 for sawing, filing, dressing and polishing teeth.
1905 - The Cullinan diamond, at 3,106.75 carats, was found 
 by Captain Wells at the Premier Mine, near Pretoria
1911 - Inventor Glenn H. Curtiss flew the first successful 
 seaplane.
1939 - In the Spanish Civil War, Franco's forces, with 
 Italian aid, took Barcelona.
1942 - The first American expeditionary force to go to 
 Europe during World War II went ashore in Northern Ireland.
1950 - India officially proclaimed itself a republic as 
 Rajendra Prasad took the oath of office as president.
1950 - The American Associated Insurance Companies, of  St. 
 Louis, MO, issued the first baby sitter’s insurance policy.
1962 - The U.S. launched Ranger 3 to land scientific 
 instruments on the moon. The probe missed its target 
 by about 22,000 miles.
1965 - Hindi was made the official language of India.
1969 - California was declared a disaster area two days 
 of flooding and mudslides.
1972 - In Hermsdorf, Czechoslovakia, a JAT Yugoslav Airlines
 flight crashed after the detonation of a bomb in the forward 
 cargo hold killing 27 people. The bomb was believed to have 
 been placed on the plane by a Croatian extremist group. 
 Vesna Vulovic, a stewardess, survived after falling 33,000 
 feet in the tail section. She broke both legs and became 
 paralyzed from the waist down.
1992 - Russian president Boris Yeltsin announced that his 
 country would stop targeting U.S. cities with nuclear weapons.
1993 - Former Czechoslovak President Vaclav Havel was elected 
 president of the new Czech Republic.
1994 - In Sydney, Australia, a young man lunged at and fired 
 two blank shots at Britain's Prince Charles.
1996 - U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton testified 
 before a grand jury concerning the Whitewater probe.
1998 - U.S. President Clinton denied having an affair with 
 a former White House intern, saying "I did not have 
 sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky."
1999 - Saddam Hussein vowed revenge against the U.S. in 
 response to air-strikes that reportedly killed civilians. 
 The strikes were U.S. planes cratering areas with 
 anti-aircraft guns.
1999 - Gary Busey was released from jail after being arrested 
 the night before for investigation of misdemeanor spousal 
 abuse. Tiana Busey had no visible injuries.
2001 - Near Ciudad Boliva, Venezuela, twenty four people 
 were killed when a 50-year-old DC-3 crashed.
2009 - The first trial at the International Criminal Court 
 was held. Former Union of Congolese Patriots leader Thomas 
 Lubanga was accused of training child soldiers to kill, 
 pillage, and rape.
2009 - The Icelandic government and banking system collapsed. 
 Prime Minister Geir Haarde resigned.
2010 - It was announced that James Cameron's movie "Avatar" 
 had become the highest-grossing film worldwide. 
2014  smiled.


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One subscriber's PayPal problem 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, January 22.

Today I have to go for injections into my eyeballs again.
There will be no Humor Letters in Thursday, Friday or
Saturday.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to A teacher who blew her carreer away Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2003 - It was reported that scientists in China had found fossilized remains of a dinosaur with four feathered wings. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) Instead of worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire." --- Dale Carnegie
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>From Anna One Sunday sermon... "Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
My sister Tammy went through knee surgery a few weeks ago. I called her to see how she was doing. My nephew Bryan answered the phone. "Hello?" he whispered. "Hey, B, how's your mama?" "She's sleeping," he whispered again. "She go back to the doctor for a checkup?" "Yeah. She got some medicine," he said softly. "She's doing ok." "All right. Don't wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?" Again, softly, "Practicing on my drums."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nicole Winberry, 28, Oceola, Arkansas Jailed for having sex with multiple students reported by the Huffington Post Nicole Winberry, a 28-year-old math teacher at Osceola High School, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly had sex with three students. According to Arkansas State Police, an investigation was launched after the Arkansas Child Abuse Hotline received a tip alleging that Winberry had engaged in sexual activities with at least one student. Since then, three male students, two 17-year-olds and one 18-year-old, have come forward to say they were sexually assaulted by Winberry. Investigators say Winberry was charged with four counts of sexual assault because she allegedly assaulted one of the students on two occasions. Before placing a call to the Child Abuse Hotline, school officials reportedly investigated the allegations and found evidence they say backed up the students' claims. One major source of information the school used to report the alleged abuse came from chat messages found on at least one student's phone. Winberry, who has been married for 10 years and has 5-year-old twin boys, resigned from her position on Friday. She was booked into jail and charged with four counts of first-degree sexual assault. Her bond has been set at $15,000. Her arraignment hearing has been set for January 31. -------- I can't understand why these boneheaded bimbos keep picking on gossippy students, and then annoying them with one night stands. Teachers sure used to have more class! Tech Support Pits From: Betty Re: PayPal Problem Forwarded from Ophelia I have tried http://webby.com/humor and it is still the same way. So maybe someone can get this taken care of so I can send money this way. I have not seen a post office in this Walmart and the post office is a bit far away. I do not have the correct postage so I can not send it. All I have is stamps. I have sent money to both of you through the Internet before and I am sure other people are having this same problem. In fact I sent it just a little while ago when Wendy needed the money. And it worked fine then. Betty Dear Betty I wrote to Dianne and asked her to try. She sent me a dollar to test. No problem at all. [4:43:39 PM] D.A. Funk: tell her to be patient and go slowly... when I first started I wrote everything down in LARGE LETTERS for ez reading rather than trying to squint at credit card The part where you enter your PayPal address or your Credit Card info is handled by PayPal. We just get you TO that page. Their part is used by Millions of people every day. You can try calling PayPal 1-877-569-1116 or 1-402-935-2050 I am sure they will be interested in finding out why it does not work from your village. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar for Wallpaper Removal I decided to finally re-do the kid's bathroom after finding a great bargain at a yard sale for a bathroom set. The bathroom had really ugly wallpaper and border on the wall. It was stuck on there good and tight - 2 layers in fact! I filled a spray bottle (new one from Dollar Tree) with an equal mix of water and white vinegar. I sprayed the wall paper and used a pan scraper and started peeling. It took the paper off quickly and without much work. I thought I would share this as a safe, environmentally friendly and, best of all, super cheap - less then $1 for a large bottle of vinegar. I was able to do the entire bathroom for less then $1! By Betsy from Hernando, MS By Betsy Butler Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
During the weeks before Jill's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making some mistakes at the ceremony. The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult and she will do just fine. "All you have to remember," he said, "is that when you enter the church you walk up the AISLE. The groom and best man will be waiting before the ALTAR. Then I shall request the congregation to sing a HYMN....then we shall get on with the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in which those things happen and you can't go wrong." The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited nervously for his bride to appear. When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her quietly repeating to herself, "Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle, altar, hymn." Or, as it sounded to him, "I'll alter him!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Marketing 101 . . . Revised People often ask for an explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is: You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising. You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing. You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed," That's Brand Recognition. You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep. Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support. You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" . That's spam. You see two great looking brothers at a party. You decide to take them both home. That's a 2 for 1 sale. You are at a party, this well-built man walks up to you and gropes your breast and grabs your bottom. That's Arnold Schwarzenegger. You like it, but 15 years later your attorney decides you were offended and files suit. That's America.
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Wow doc, exactly what's my problem?" The doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."

» Workers Fail

Today, January 22, in
1666 - Shah Jahan, a descendant of Genghis Khan and Timur, 
 died at the age of 74. He was the Mongul emperor of India 
 that built the Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife 
 Mumtaz-i-Mahal.
1771 - The Falkland Islands were ceded to Britain by Spain.
1824 - The Asante army crushed British troops in the Gold Coast.
1879 - British troops were massacred by the Zulus at Isandhlwana.
1889 - The Columbia Phonograph Company was formed in 
 Washington, DC.
1900 - Off of South Africa, the British released the German steamer 
 Herzog, which had been seized on January 6.
1901 - Queen Victoria of England died after reigning for nearly 
 64 years. Edward VII, her son, succeeded her.
1905 - Insurgent workers were fired on in St Petersburg, Russia, 
 resulting in "Bloody Sunday." 500 people were killed.
1917 - U.S. President Wilson pleaded for an end to war in 
 Europe, calling for "peace without victory." America entered 
 the war the following April.
1941 - Britain captured Tobruk from German forces.
1944 - Allied forces began landing at Anzio, Italy, during WWII.
1951 - Fidel Castro was ejected from a Winter League baseball 
 game after hitting a batter. He later gave up baseball for 
 politics.
1957 - Suspected "Mad Bomber" was arrested in Waterbury, CT. 
 George P. Metesky was accused of planting more than 30 
 explosive devices in the New York City area.
1957 - The Israeli army withdrew from the Sinai. They had 
 invaded Egypt on October 29, 1956.
1962 - Cuba's membership in the Organization of American 
 States (OAS) was suspended.
1970 - The first regularly scheduled commercial flight of 
 the Boeing 747 began in New York City and ended in London 
 about 6 1/2 hours later.
1972 - The United Kingdom, the Irish Republic, and Denmark 
 joined the EEC.
1973 - Joe Frazier lost the first fight of his professional 
 career to George Foreman. He been the undefeated heavyweight 
 world champion since February 16, 1970 when he knocked out 
 Jimmy Ellis.
1973 - The U.S. Supreme Court struck down state laws that 
 had been restricting abortions during the first six months 
 of pregnancy. The case (Roe vs. Wade) legalized abortion.
1984 - Apple introduced the Macintosh during the third 
 quarter of Super Bowl XVIII.
1995 - Two Palestinian suicide bombers from Gaza detonated 
 powerful explosives at a military transit point in central 
 Israel, killing 19 Israelis.
1998 - Theodore Kaczynski pled guilty to federal charges 
 for his role as the Unabomber. He agreed to life in prison 
 without parole.
2002 - Amazon.com announced that it had posted its first net 
 profit in the fourth quarter (quarter ending Dec 31, 2001).
2002 - AOL Time Warner filed suit against Microsoft in 
 federal court seeking damages for harm done to AOL's 
 Netscape Internet Browser when Microsoft began giving 
 away its competing browser.
2002 - Kmart Corp. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy making 
 it the largest retailer in history to seek legal protection 
 from its creditors.
2003 - It was reported that scientists in China had found 
 fossilized remains of a dinosaur with four feathered wings. 
2014  smiled.


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Picture location 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, January 21.

Tomorrow I have to go for injections into my eyeballs again.
You will get the Wednesday issue, but no Thursday, Friday or
Saturday.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Wannabe gunslinger, who takes a taser prong to the eyeball at One Eyed Jack's bar Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2003 It was announced by the U.S. Census Bureau that estimates showed that the Hispanic population had passed the black population for the first time. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A rumor without a leg to stand on will get around some other way. --- John Tudor Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive. --- G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936) All we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about. --- Charles Kingsley
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"The young army doctor was stationed at a remote dispensary in the South Pacific. One day he was puzzled about treatment for one of his patients. He radioed a base hospital: 'Have case of beriberi. What shall I do?' A prankster got hold of the message. This was the reply: 'Give it to the Marines. They'll drink anything.' --------- Beriberi used to be the name for Vitamin C deficinecy. The cure, of course, was a lemon a day, or a lime for British soldiers. Limes were much cheaper in those days. They didn't really help much, though. That is how the English got tagged as 'Limeys".
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six ."
Thanks to Lillemor for sedning this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Gorge in Norway
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Travis James Rodriguez, 22, Orlando, Floriduh Wannabe gunslinger takes taser prong to the eyeball at One Eyed Jack's bar reported by the Huffington Post One Eyed Jack's has a new mascot. When Travis James Rodriguez, 22, allegedly refused to put down his Glock pistol outside a popular Orlando bar last month, cops took him down -- with an electric shock from a Taser to his eye. The police report released last week states that Rodriguez pulled the pistol out of his waistband on Dec. 8 and held it up, according to the Orlando Sentinel. When an officer deployed his Taser, Rodriguez turned, and received 50,000 volts to the right eyeball and the left side of his face. Rodriguez's mugshot, pictured above, is from a previous arrest and doesn't show the damage done to his eye, the paper reports. "Rodriguez had removed the gun from his waistband and was holding it up at chest level, parallel to his body," Officer Jason Portilla wrote in the report. "As a result of Rodriguez turning his body…one of the Taser prongs struck Rodriguez in the right eye. The other Taser prong struck …his left side." The suspect was admitted to a nearby hospital for an undisclosed amount of time, the Daily Mail reports. It's unclear what led to the scuffle with police. He was charged with carrying a concealed firearm and resisting arrest. Rodriguez reportedly gave a false address and couldn't be reached on Friday, so police revealed his information in an attempt to track him down. Tech Support Pits From: Dan Re: Picture location Dear Webby do you know where todays picture was taken? reminds me of utah. dan Dear Dan In Utah the rock would be more reddish. I am not 100% sure, but it looks like one of the holes up in the mountain SouthEast of Organpipe Park in Arizona. Don't go too far South from there. That area has been given up by the border patrol. Nothing but dope and human smugglers there. They hunt with drones there. However, South of Organpipe Park the scenery becomes rather boring anyway. For that hole and a couple similar ones, go up the dirt road to the East of Organpipe Park. Very rough and VERY exciting scenery up there. The cacti up there bloom at the end of April, and there are LOTS of them! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peanut Butter Banana Sushi Make your kids a fun and healthy sushi snack. They can even join in on the fun while making it! Ingredients 1 banana 1 tortilla 2 Tbsp. peanut butter 1 Tbsp. honey 1 Tbsp. raisins 1/4 tsp. cinnamon Instructions: Spread the tortilla with peanut butter and drizzle with half tablespoon of honey. Then place the peeled banana at one edge and roll up the the tortilla around the banana. Trim off any extra tortilla. Drizzle the top of the tortilla with half tablespoon of honey and sprinkle with cinnamon. Using a sharp knife cut into 1 inch pieces and top each one with a raisin. Approximate Time: 5-10 minutes By Domestic Charm Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love." "Well," said the other, "that would certainly revolutionize hockey!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Liz for this story: I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"

» One Hit Wonders

Today, January 21, in
1789 W.H. Brown's "Power of Sympathy" was published. It was 
 the first American novel to be published.
1793 During the French Revolution, King Louis XVI was 
 executed on the guillotine.
1812 The Y-bridge in Zanesville, OH, was approved for 
 construction.
1846 The first issue of the "Daily News," edited by 
 Charles Dickens, was published.
1853 Dr. Russell L. Hawes patented the envelope 
 folding machine.
1865 An oil well was drilled by torpedoes for the first time.
1900 Canadian troops set sail to fight in South Africa. The 
 Boers had attacked Ladysmith on January 8, 1900.
1911 The first Monte Carlo car rally was held. Seven days 
 later it was won by Henri Rougier.
1915 The first Kiwanis club was formed in Detroit, MI.
1924 Soviet leader Vladimir Llyich Lenin died. Joseph Stalin 
 began a purge of his rivals for the leadership of the 
 Soviet Union.
1927 The first opera broadcast over a national radio network 
 was presented in Chicago, IL. The opera was "Faust".
1941 The British communist newspaper, the "Daily Worker," was 
 banned due to wartime restrictions.
1954 The Nautilus was launched in Groton, CT. It was the 
 first atomic-powered submarine. U.S. First Lady Mamie 
 Eisenhower broke the traditional bottle of champagne 
 across the bow.
1954 The gas turbine automobile was introduced in 
 New York City.
1970 The Boeing 747 made its first commercial flight from 
 New York to London for Pan American.
1976 The French Concorde SST aircraft began regular commercial 
 service for Air France and British Airways.
1977 U.S. President Carter pardoned almost all Vietnam War 
 draft evaders.
1980 Gold was valued at $850 an ounce.
1994 A jury in Manassas, VA, acquitted Lorena Bobbitt by 
 reason of temporary insanity of maliciously wounding 
 (severing his penis) her husband John. She accused him 
 of sexually assaulting her.
1997 Newt Gingrich was fined as the U.S. House of 
 Representatvies voted for first time in history to discipline 
 its leader for ethical misconduct.
1998 A former White House intern said on tape that she had an 
 affair with U.S. President Clinton.
1999 The U.S. Coast Guard intercepted a ship headed for Houston, TX, 
 that had over 9,500 pounds of cocaine aboard. 
2002 In Goma, Congo, about fifty people were killed when lava 
 flow ignited a gas station. The people killed were trying to 
 steal fuel from elevated tanks. The eruption of Mount 
 Nyiragongo began on January 17, 2002.
2002 In London, a 17th century book by Capt. John Smith, founder 
 of the English settlement at Jamestown, was sold at auction for 
 $48,800. "The General History of Virginia, New England and the 
 Summer Isles" was published in 1632.
2003 It was announced by the U.S. Census Bureau that estimates showed 
 that the Hispanic population had passed the black population for the 
 first time.
2014  smiled.


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Why use a wacky subject line? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, January 20.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Man in Texas got jailed for stabbing girlfriend after she got him a pizza instead of a chicken sandwich Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1952 - In Juarez, Mexico, Patricia McCormick debuted as the first professional woman bullfighter from the United States. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Television – a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done. --- Ernie Kovacs ...when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. --- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930),
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A fight broke out between a couple redneck locals and a lone biker at closing time in the local watering hole. After easily laying out the drunken hillbillies the biker heard someone behind him! So he swung around and landed a kick to a butt, realizing too late that it was only the barmaid picking up empty glasses. When the case went to court, the judge asked, "Are you the woman alleging she was kicked in the altercation?" To which she answered, "I ain't never had no altercation! These is all my original parts."
"I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club. "Wow," said the young man, "that's pretty impressive." "Not really," said the little old man. "Any hotter and I'd probably have a stroke."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Corsey, 32, Waco, Texas Man in Texas got jailed for stabbing girlfriend after she got him a pizza instead of a chicken sandwich reported by the Weekly Vice Michael Corsey, a 32-year-old Texas man, was jailed Friday after he allegedly stabbed his girlfriend with a kitchen knife when she returned home with pizza instead of the chicken sandwich he ordered. According to police, Corsey and his girlfriend had been arguing off and on for several days when a chicken sandwich appeared to be the final straw that led to a violent confrontation between the pair. Investigators say Corsey told his girlfriend that he was in the mood for a chicken sandwich, but she returned home with pizza instead. When Corsey confronted the woman, she tried to flee the residence. That's when Corsey grabbed the woman by the throat, forced her back into the residence and then strangled and punched her until she nearly passed out. As the attack continued, Corsey allegedly grabbed a knife and held it to her throat before eventually stabbing her. The woman eventually seized an opportunity to flee the residence and call 911. Corsey was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Tech Support Pits From: Vinnie Re: Why the weird subject line? Dear Webby Wht do you always have 'humor:" at the begin of the subject line? That makes it difficult to search for any particular issue. Vinnie Dear Vinnie I started that in 1994 to make it easy to automatically filter the humor letter into a hidden mailbox, that the boss did not know about. Then, from the late 90's on it helped to exclude it from spam filters, even if the subject line or the body mentioned specific malware or how how to get rid of it. As for searching, after a few months searching by hand becomes impossible anyway. That is why all, or almost all, email programs have a SEARCH feature, that will search tens of years back by one or multiple key words. For that you usually search the BODY, not the SUBJECT. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Post-It Notes in Half When using "Post-it Notes" cut them in half before using them. You'll have twice as many to use. By donnington from Yorktown, VA You can get glue sticks with the same removable type glue. Cut any paper, that has one side blank, into business card size pieces, "write" a glue line on the printed side, and stack them. Any kid can do it, and will cheerfully build you a tall tower of post-it notes. You can probably make more than 5000 post-it notes with one $2.95 glue stick. You don't really need a whole line along the top of glue. A little dab 'll do ya. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
According to a new medical study, it's healthier for a wife to get angry at her husband, than to keep it all inside which can lead to disease. So guys when the wife runs you over with the SUV, she's just trying to live a healthier lifestyle.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Ellen Discovering that I'd overslept, I abandoned my usual morning routine and rushed out. In the van, though, I realized I had time to stop for a take-out coffee. I got my coffee and returned to the van, only to find I had not only left it running but had locked it! The day was going from bad to worse. I returned to the shop, sheepishly explained my situation to the clerk and asked if I could borrow a broom. I managed to open a side window and pop the lock on the back door using the broom handle. Walking from the parking lot to the shop, some smart-ass eye my broom and asked me what kind of mileage I got with it. He almost got to ride that broom! When I returned the broom, the clerk said, "I know you're having a bad day, but..." "I know, I know," I interrupted. "You want to know how I can unlock my van with a broom." "No," she said. "I wanted to tell you that your polo shirt is on inside out, and you forgot your skirt."
A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine."

» On The Hoof

Today, January 20, in
1265 - The first English parliament met in Westminster Hall.
1801 - John Marshall was appointed chief justice of the US
1839 - Chile defeated a confederation of Peru and Bolivia 
 in the Battle of Yungay.
1841 - The island of Hong Kong was ceded to Great Britain. 
 It returned to Chinese control in July 1997.
1885 - The roller coaster was patented by L.A. Thompson.
1886 - The Mersey Railway Tunnel was officially opened by 
 the Prince of Wales.
1887 - The U.S. Senate approved an agreement to lease Pearl 
 Harbor in Hawaii as a naval base.
1929 - The movie "In Old Arizona" was released. The film was 
 the first full-length talking film to be filmed outdoors.
1942 - Nazi officials held the Wannsee conference, during 
 which they arrived at their "final solution" that called 
 for exterminating Europe's Jews.
1944 - The British RAF dropped 2,300 tons of bombs on Berlin.
1952 - In Juarez, Mexico, Patricia McCormick debuted as the 
 first professional woman bullfighter from the United States.
1981 - Iran released 52 Americans that had been held hostage 
 for 444 days. The hostages were flown to Algeria and then 
 to a U.S. base in Wiesbaden, West Germany. The release 
 occurred minutes after the U.S. presidency had passed from 
 Jimmy Carter to Ronald Reagan, who was going to go "fix 
 their wagon".
1986 - Britain and France announced their plans to build 
 the Channel Tunnel.
1987 - Anglican Church envoy Terry Waite was kidnapped in 
 Beirut, Lebanon. He was there attempting to negotiate the 
 release of Western hostages. He was not freed until 
 November 1991.
1994 - Shannon Faulkner became the first woman to attend 
 classes at The Citadel in South Carolina. Faulkner joined 
 the cadet corps in August 1995 under court order but soon 
 dropped out.
1998 - American researchers announced that they had cloned 
 calves that may produce medicinal milk.
1998 - In Chile, a judge agreed to hear a lawsuit that 
 accused Chile's former dictator Augusto Pinochet with 
 genocide.
1999 - The China News Service announced that the Chinese 
 government was tightening restrictions on internet use. 
 The rules were aimed at 'Internet Bars.'
2014  smiled.


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Line break problem in Hotmail 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, January 18.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Heroin seller at Pensylvania McDonalds got busted Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1825 Ezra Daggett and Thomas Kensett of New York City patented a canning process to preserve salmon, oysters and lobsters. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. --- Will Rogers Now it all makes sense. And on the 8th day God said, "OK Murphy, you take over." --- Socratex
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A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the Canadian Rockies spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 900-foot embankment, slid on it's roof 200 more feet, crashed into a canyon and burst into flames. There were no injuries and nobody got sued.
A driver who was bringing a meticulously prepared and pre-dented bus to a location in New York City for an on-location movie shoot, was too early and drove to a nearby restaurant to wait there. Just to be funny, he carefully lined up the artificial dent at the front with a light pole. When he came back out of the restaurant, there were eight passengers in the bus, moaning and groaning about whiplash and talking to their lawyers on their cellphones.
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Theodore Levon Upshaw, 28, Murrysville, PA Heroin seller at Pensylvania McDonalds got busted reported by the Smoking Gun JANUARY 16--A McDonald’s employee who recently served time in prison on a narcotics charge has been arrested for selling heroin from the fast food restaurant, police report. Theodore Levon Upshaw, 28, was busted yesterday after selling “20 stamp bags of heroin” to a confidential police informant, according to a criminal complaint. While Wednesday’s transaction took place in the eatery’s parking lot--after Upshaw took a break from work--the informant had “previously made multiple purchases of heroin” from Upshaw inside the McDonald’s in Murrysville, a municipality in Westmoreland County. Following the buy, cops busted Upshaw--who was wearing his work uniform--on several felony narcotics charges, including heroin possession and delivery of heroin. He was booked into the county jail, where he is being held in lieu of $50,000 bond. Upshaw, pictured in the above mug shot, has been living in an alternative housing facility since his early release from state prison, where he was serving three years on a conviction for possession with intent to deliver narcotics. Since Upshaw is on parole for that conviction, a detainer has been entered for alleged violations of his terms of supervision. Tech Support Pits From: Carl Re: Line break problem in hotmail Dr. Webby, when I copy and paste to send a section of your newsletter (Ophelia's letter also), I don't seem to get the correct point to start a new line. I must go through and add return where I want to end a line.... Carl For instance:... How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? That is due to the Word-Wrap setting in your Hotmail. Set that at "As Original" or 60 characters or somewhere around there, and the wordwrap will be right. Apparently right now you got it set at a large number or flow. Flow means it will flow freely depending on the width of the window. If you squish or stretch the window, the lines will flow to adjust to that. "Flow" looks neat, but is actually quite a nuisance, because it kills the original line breaks. Look for "WORD WRAP" and experiment with the settings in there. If they still have "AS ORIGINAL", pick that. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheap Teeth Whitening Clean your teeth by chewing on a raw potato. It works fast and better than those expensive whiting strips! By Ann from Saint Peters, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. You drive on Mondays, you idiot."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

I was at the local drug store when a sweet young lady from the neighborhood, who had recently gotten married, came into the store. She was looking at the men's toiletries and the clerk asked her if she needed any assistance. I heard her say, "Well, I'm looking for some deodorant for my new husband , but I don't know what kind he uses." The clerk asked, "Is it the ball type?" I almost lost it when she responded, "Oh No! It's for his under his arms."
Jill, in the personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. She sent this reply: "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we do have a few alcoholics."

» Paleolithic Caves of France

Today, January 19, in
1419 Rouen surrendered to Henry V, completing his 
 conquest of Normandy.
1793 King Louis XVI was tried by the French Convention, 
 found guilty of treason and sentenced to the guillotine.
1825 Ezra Daggett and Thomas Kensett of New York City 
 patented a canning process to preserve salmon, oysters 
 and lobsters.
1883 Thomas Edison's first village electric lighting 
 system using overhead wires began operation in Roselle, NJ.
1907 The first film reviews appeared in "Variety" magazine.
1915 George Claude, of Paris, France, patented the neon 
 discharge tube for use in advertising signs.
1915 More than 20 people were killed when German zeppelins 
 bombed England for the first time. The bombs were dropped 
 on Great Yarmouth and King's Lynn.
1937 Howard Hughes set a transcontinental air record. He flew 
 from Los Angeles to New York City in 7 hours, 28 minutes 
1942 The Japanese invaded Burma (later Myanmar).
1944 The U.S. federal government relinquished control of the 
 nation's railroads after the settlement of a wage dispute.
1949 The salary of the President of the United States was 
 increased from $75,000 to $100,000 with an additional 
 $50,000 expense allowance for each year in office.
1969 In protest against the Russian invasion of 1968, Czech 
 student Jan Palach set himself on fire in Prague's 
 Wenceslas Square.
1977 U.S. President Ford pardoned Iva Toguri D'Aquino 
 (the "Tokyo Rose").
1981 The U.S. and Iran signed an agreement paving the way for the 
 release of 52 Americans held hostage for more than 14 months and 
 for arrangements to unfreeze Iranian assets and to resolve all 
 claims against Iran.
1983 China announced that it was bannning 1983 purchases of cotton, 
 soybeans and chemical fibers from the United States.
1993 IBM announced a loss of $4.97 billion for 1992. It was the 
 largest single-year loss in U.S. corporate history.
1995 Russian forces overwhelmed the resistance forces in Chechnya.
1996 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was subpoenaed to 
 appear before a federal grand jury. The investigation was 
 concerning the discovery of billing records related to the 
 Whitewater real estate investment venture.
1997 Yasser Arafat returned to Hebron for the first time in 
 more than 30 years. He joined 60,000 Palestinians in 
 celebration over the handover of the last West Bank city 
 in Israeli control.
2000 In New York's Time Square, the first WWF restaurant opened. 
2014  smiled.


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How to save pictures from a newsletter? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, January 18.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Naked Woman Wearing Angel Wings jailed in Arkansas Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced the approval of a saliva-based ovulation test. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Most people have seen worse things in private than they pretend to be shocked at in public. --- Edgar Watson Howe (1853 - 1937) We are none of us infallible--not even the youngest of us. --- W. H. Thompson The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not." --- George Bernard Shaw
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting a lot better at it, isn't he?"
Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME...!
Thanks to Anastassia for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christine Lawrence, 47, Mountain Home, Arkansas Naked Woman Wearing Angel Wings jailed in Arkansas reported by the Smoking Gun JANUARY 15--A naked woman wearing a pair of angel wings was arrested early yesterday after police spotted her walking on an Arkansas street. Christine Lawrence, 47, was busted for indecent exposure after a pair of Mountain Home Police Department officers responded to a 3:20 AM call about “a female walking down the middle of the road with nothing on besides angel wings,” according to a police report. When one patrolman sought to speak with Lawrence, she fled into her nearby Circle Drive residence. As Lawrence was subsequently being arrested, she struggled with police, leading to an additional charge of resisting arrest. The police report does not indicate why Lawrence was promenading in her birthday suit, though yesterday happened to be her birthday. Seen in the above mug shot, Lawrence was booked into the Baxter County jail on the two misdemeanor charges. She remains locked up in lieu of $790 bond, and is scheduled for a February 4 court appearance. Dressed up. It is not a violent or nasty crime, but she should have known that in Arkansas they like their angels in long, white dresses! Tech Support Pits From: Cora Re: How do I save pictures from the Humor Letter Dear Webby, How do I save pictures from the Humor Letter, so that I can use them for other purposes? Thanks Cora Dear Cora Click through the picture to the full size version. That will show in your browser. Once you see it in your browser, right-clcik the picture, select "Copy Image", jump to your graphics program, and hit CTRL V to paste it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rubber Bands to Keep Tools from Slipping To keep tools from slipping in your hands, wrap those free rubber bands that come on vegetables or newspapers around the handle. It really makes for a good grip and sure a lot cheaper than the liquid you can buy for the purpose. When working on a roof, it keeps them from sliding also. I also use them on cans of aerosol hairspray, my hands seem to slip when I push the button. By latrtatr Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. "Now that you're over 40," the doctor told him, "you've developed a condition called 'presbyopia,' in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to." Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. "Con- gratulations!" he said. "You're now officially a presbyope!" Doug leaned over and asked seriously, "If that means I'm no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Rose for this one: While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart. Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have todays paper?" The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves."

» Pedal Power

Today, January 18, in
1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the 
 Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich Islands."
1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia's 
 Botany Bay to establish a penal colony. The group moved 
 north eight days later and settled at Port Jackson.
1871 Wilhelm, King of Prussia from 1861, was proclaimed 
 the first German Emperor.
1896 The x-ray machine was exhibited for the first time.
1911 For the first time an aircraft landed on a ship. Pilot 
 Eugene B. Ely flew onto the deck of the USS Pennsylvania 
 in San Francisco harbor.
1939 Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded "Jeepers 
 Creepers."
1943 During World War II, the Soviets announced that they 
 had broken the Nazi siege of Leningrad, which had began 
 in September of 1941.
1943 U.S. commercial bakers stopped selling sliced bread. 
 Only whole loaves were sold during the ban until the end 
 of World War II.
1950 The federal tax on oleomargarine was repealed.
1957 The first, non-stop, around-the-world, jet flight came 
 to an end at Riverside, CA. The plane was refueled in mid-flight 
 by huge aerial tankers.
1964 The plans for the World Trade Center in New York were 
 disclosed.
1978 The European Court of Human Rights cleared the British 
 government of torture but found it guilty of inhuman and 
 degrading treatment of prisoners in Northern Ireland.
1990 In an FBI sting, Washington, DC, Mayor Marion Barry was 
 arrested for drug possession. He was later convicted of a 
 misdemeanor.
1991 Eastern Airlines shut down after 62 years in business 
 due to financial problems.
1995 A network of caves were discovered near the town of 
 Vallon-Pont-d'Arc in southern France. The caves contained 
 paintings and engravings that were 17,000 to 20,000 years 
 old.
1997 Hutu militiamen killed three Spanish aid workers and 
 three soldiers and seriously wounded an American in a 
 night attack in NW Rwanda.
2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced 
 the approval of a saliva-based ovulation test.
2012 Wikipedia began a 24-hour "blackout" in protest against 
 proposed anti-piracy legislation (S. 968 and H.R. 3261) 
 known as the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) in 
 the Senate and the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the 
 House. Many websites, including Reddit, Google, Facebook, 
 Amazon and others, contended would make it challenging 
 if not impossible for them to operate. 
2014  smiled.


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Can you mix IDE and ATA drives ? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, January 17.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you George!

This evening at the end of my 4 km walk the full moon came 
out. I was tempted to walk another round, but had too much 
work left to do, so had to limit that to a bit of staring
at the moon and the stars.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Florida woman jailed for trying to run over boyfriend Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition of stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and elsewhere would come to an immediate end. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, nd to steal bread. --- Anatole France (1844 - 1924) "It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently." --- Warren Buffett
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>From Evan A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?" "I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the same thing?"
A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat. After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry Davis, could you please tell me what room I am in?" "Goodness Gwacious me! Certaintly, sir" said the clerk. "You in the lobby, sir."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lisa de Lapi, 28, Royal Palm Beach, Floriduh Jailed for Trying To Run Over Boyfriend reported by Huffington Post Floridian and wanna-be model Lisa de Lapi, 28, was arrested after she allegedly tried to run over her boyfriend with a car on their special day of love Monday, WPBF reported. Palm Beach Deputies say de Lapi, a Royal Palm Beach resident, told them her 27-year-old boyfriend "set her off," so she responded by attempting to mow him down with her red Pontiac. She missed him, but then apparently drove over his bike and crashed into his parked car. Investigators also said de Lapi informed them it was the couple's anniversary and they have been dating for a year and a half. The report did not state why she got enraged at her boyfriend. Maybe he gave her an honest answer about her chances to ever make a buck modeling. Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: Mix and match IDE and ATA Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Can you mix and match IDE and ATA hard drives? I want to use my old IDE drive as a second (slave) drive with my new DELL machine, which has an ATA drive. Bob Dear Bob Even though the sales people at DELL tell you that you can, you can't. They are lying. The way around that problem is to simply use a USB harddrive enclosure for the old IDE drive. USB harddrive enclosures cost $12 and up on-line. However, check PriceGrabber and see if a nearby store has a good deal. With low cost items the shipping costs can make an on-line purchase more expensive than a local storefront. With most USB harddrive enclosures you get a bunch of tiny screws to attach the drive inside the usually almost too snug enclosure. Don't fret if the little screws don't line up or are a nuisance. Once the lid is closed, the drive is held quite nicely. By the way, even though your old IDE drive measures about 4" x 6", it's called a 3.5" drive, because the platter inside is a 3.5" platter. If you ask for a 4" drive enclosure, they will tell you that you are on the wrong planet. Look for a 3.5 inch USB 2 Hard Drive Enclosure for IDE drives. USB 2 standard is 40 times faster than USB 1. Take your old drive along unless you are confident, that the sales staff know the difference between IDE and ATA, and make sure the socket inside fits your drive. The sockets are quite different and few enclosures have both types of sockets. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bamboo Rod For Mug Storage Save yourself several cup hooks. Instead of one hook for each cup, use two to hold a slender rod. I used a disassembled bamboo placemat, cost:$1, and it has been used before for similar needs. Slip your cups onto the rod and set it onto the cup hooks. I saved one hook on one side of the cabinet and two on the side with four cups! The cups can still be used with very little effort of carefully lifting an end of the rod off one of the hooks and taking the cup(s) off. My espresso cups are seldom used and take up valuable cabinet space so in hanging them for display they are no longer in the way! By melody_yesterday from Otterville, MO Too complicated for an (again) untamed batchelor. Cup hooks are 25 for a Dollar. Mark the layout on masking tape and stick that under the upper cabinet. The marks have to be the diameter of the cups plus a bit apart. You can of course have more than just one row. Then drill with a small drill bit about 1/2 inch deep through the marks on the masking tape. If you don't like twisting your body for that chore, assign that to a kid, drill through a bottle cork and use that as a spacer, so that they don't drill too deep. After that it is easy to peel off the tape and twist in the cup hooks. The masking tape keeps the drill bit from skating and keeps the hole nice and tidy. There are T-handle hook wrenches available, but you can easily make one by simply cutting a slot into a piece of scrap. That way you can turn the cup hooks in easily, even if you have arthritis. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, if you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!' It worked."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student on the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
>From Andrew My wife and I, both graduate students, recently celebrated the arrival of our first child. At my wife's insistence, we had paid our entire medical bill and were now worried about meeting other payments. We were discussing our sad financial situation one evening when our son demanded a diaper change. As my wife leaned over the baby's crib, I heard her mutter, "The only thing in the house that's paid for, and it leaks."

» Petal Power

Today, January 17, in
1377 The Papal See was transferred from Avignon in France 
 back to Rome.
1562 French Protestants were recognized under the Edict of 
 St. Germain.
1773 Captain Cook's Resolution became the first ship to 
 cross the Antarctic Circle.
1852 The independence of the Transvaal Boers was 
 recognized by Britain.
1871 Andrew S. Hallidie received a patent for a cable 
 car system.
1893 Hawaii's monarchy was overthrown when a group of 
 businessmen and sugar planters forced Queen Liliuokalani 
 to abdicate.
1900 The U.S. took Wake Island where there was an important 
 cable link between Hawaii and Manila.
1900 Yaqui Indians in Texas proclaimed their independence 
 from Mexico.
1900 Mormon Brigham Roberts was denied a seat in the U.S. 
 House of Representatives for his practicing of polygamy.
1912 English explorer Robert Falcon Scott reached the South 
 Pole. Norwegian Roald Amundsen had beaten him there by one 
 month. Scott and his party died during the return trip.
1913 All partner interests in 36 Golden Rule Stores were 
 consolidated and incorporated in Utah into one company. 
 The new corporation was the J.C. Penney Company.
1928 The fully automatic film-developing machine was patented 
 by A.M. Josepho.
1934 Ferdinand Porsche submitted a design for a people's car, 
 a "Volkswagen," to the new German Reich government.
1945 Soviet and Polish forces liberated Warsaw during World War II.
1945 Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg disappeared in Hungary 
 while in Soviet custody. Wallenberg was credited with saving 
 tens of thousands of Jews.
1966 A B-52 carrying four H-bombs collided with a refuelling 
 tanker. The bombs were released and eight crewmembers were 
 killed.
1991 Coalition airstrikes began against Iraq after negotiations 
 failed to get Iraq to retreat from the country of Kuwait.
1994 The Northridge earthquake rocked Los Angeles, CA, 
 registering a 6.7 on the Richter Scale. At least 61 people were 
 killed and about $20 billion in damage was caused.
1995 More than 6,000 people were killed when an earthquake with 
 a magnitude of 7.2 devastated the city of Kobe, Japan.
1997 A court in Ireland granted the first divorce in the Roman 
 Catholic country's history.
1997 Israel gave over 80% of Hebron to Palestinian rule, but 
 held the remainder where several hundred Jewish settlers lived 
 among 20,000 Palestinians.
1998 U.S. President Clinton gave his deposition in the Paula 
 Jones sexual harassment lawsuit against him. He was the first 
 U.S. President to testify as a defendant in a criminal or 
 civil lawsuit.
2002 It was announced that Microsoft had signed a joint 
 venture agreement to produce software with two partners 
 in China. The two partners were Beijin Centergate Technologies 
 (Holding) Co. and the Stone Group.
2014  smiled.


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Forwarding just parts of an email 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, January 16.

The "consultation" about cataract surgery was mostly 
sitting around various waiting rooms, occasionally 
interrupted by brusque recent imports mumbling impatient
instructions and briefly doing some tests. They seemed 
to be paid by the number of patients they can hustle 
through per day. 

It took about three hours and included probably almost 
ten minutes of actual staff time.
In the meantime Barb, who was driving me there and back,
was fuming about the lack of nearby parking and the cost
per minute of parking. Eventually i was told that there 
was a six month waiting list, and that my turn would come
in July.

We did finally get out of there, me with two sets of not
very cool shades on, and headed for Dennys, Barb's treat 
for the driving. Barb is a friend and neighbor and the 
owner of Copper, the dog I walk with in the evening.

We got a fairly good medical system, about as good as the 
US is hoping to get in twenty years, after all the bugs 
have been fixed, but even with the bugs fixed, a Government
system with no competition is much more annoying than
a Free Enterprise system with competition.

The drops they put into my eyes for the convenience of 
their staff are slowly wearing off, but vision is nowhere
near normal. Expect the odd typo and irregularity!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Alabama couple Jailed After Hanging Dog By Neck, Posting Photos On Facebook Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition of stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and elsewhere would come to an immediate end. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. --- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC) The unpaid ones do too!
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>from Lisa: Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the elegant home of an older couple. Among other duties, I had to dust their many imported carvings and petrified collectibles as well as pick up after their pets. One day I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying on the floor beside the bookcase. I quickly picked them up and put them back on the shelf. The next week the same thing happened. That afternoon my employer came into the parlor, her faithful canine behind her. Looking around, she eyed the bookcase. "Tricky," she asked the dog, "how in the world do you keep getting your bones up there?"
A health-food restaurant in Cambridge Mass. had a billboard proclaiming, "Eat here and live a long life!" The barbecue pit next door posted this response, "Eat here and die happy!"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Caroline Dunnam, 26 and Andrew Parrish, 23, in Valley Grande, AL an Alabama couple Jailed After Hanging Dog By Neck, Posting Photos On Facebook reported by the Weekly Vice Alabama couple Caroline Dunnam, 26, and Andrew Parrish, 23, have been jailed after they allegedly hung their dog by the neck, snapped a photo of the assault and posted it to Facebook. According to police, an investigation was launched after Dunnam and Parrish tied a rope to their dog's neck and hung the animal from a ceiling tile in what appeared to be their living room. After snapping a photograph of the hanging dog, the couple posted the images to Dunnam's Facebook page. When several people complained about the photographs, Dunnam (or someone using her account) defended the photographs. SIC "If u have a problem with my personal (expletive) FB page, delete me and go on somewhere I don't give a (expletive) what anybody on here thinks end of story," Dunnam allegedly responded. Investigators began looking into the matter after someone saw the post and called police. Although the incident took place in late November, the couple eventually turned themselves in on January 10. The dog was placed into the custody of Selma Animal Hospital. Dunnam and Parish were booked into the Dallas County Jail and charged with animal cruelty. They were released after posting $500 bond each. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: How do I forward just one joke? Dear Webby, Greeting from Northern Minnesota, enjoy your humor letter every day, keep up the great work. question is there any way I can take a joke from your humor letter and forward it to others without sending the whole humor letter ? I'm able to do it with the pictures just right click and save picture but it doesn't work for print. thanks for any help, Jim Two Harbors,Mn Dear Jim Highlight the joke Click on the Forward icon and type in the address of the recipient. Another method is to highlight the joke hit CTRL C to copy jump to a letter to that recipient place the cursor where you want that joke hit CTRL V to paste it. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sturdy Kitty Litter Scoop If you have cats, go to a restaurant supply store and buy a metal mess scoop that is used to remove items from the deep fryer. Use this as your kitty litter scoop. It will never break, bend, or fail you in any way. By Brenda Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
In the days when you couldn't count on a public facility to have indoor plumbing, an English woman was planning a trip to Germany. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for water closet. She wrote the schoolmaster inquiring into the location of the nearest WC. The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply: Dear Madam, I ta! ke great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was there that! she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly. You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time! I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accomp! animent. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all. With deepest regards, The Schoolmaster
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? *
Thanks to Tim for this one: My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. He told her one had a horn and other one didn't, she replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic out here." --------------- * There is no dirt in a hole

» Puppy Power

Today, January 14, in
1547 Ivan the Terrible was crowned Czar of Russia.
1572 The Duke of Norfolk was tried for treason for complicity 
 in the Ridolfi plot to restore Catholicism in England. He 
 was executed on June 2.
1809 The British defeated the French at the Battle of 
 Corunna, in the Peninsular War.
1866 Everett Barney patented the metal screw clamp skate.
1900 The U.S. Senate consented to the Anglo-German treaty 
 of 1899, by which the U.K. renounced rights to the 
 Samoan islands.
1919 The 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which 
 prohibited the sale or transportation of alcoholic beverages, 
 was ratified. It was later repealed by the 21st Amendment.
1920 Prohibition went into effect in the U.S.
1920 The motion picture "The Kid" opened.
1925 Leon Trotsky was dismissed as Chairman of the 
 Revolutionary Council of the USSR.
1944 General Dwight D. Eisenhower took command of the 
 Allied invasion force in London.
1970 Colonel Muammar el-Quaddafi became virtual president 
 of Libya.
1970 Buckminster Fuller, the designer of the geodesic dome, 
 was awarded the Gold Medal of the American Institute of 
 Architects.
1979 The Shah of Iran and his family fled Iran for Egypt.
1982 Britain and the Vatican resumed full diplomatic 
 relations after a break of over 400 years.
1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition 
 of stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and 
 elsewhere would come to an immediate end.
1998 Researchers announce that an altered gene helped 
 to defend against HIV.
1991 The White House announced the start of Operation 
 Desert Storm. The operation was designed to drive 
 Iraqi forces out of Kuwait.
1998 It was announced that Texas would receive $15.3 
 billion in a tobacco industry settlement. The payouts 
 were planned to take place over 25 years.
2002 The U.N. Security Council unanimously adopted sanctions 
 against Osama bin Laden, his terror network and the remnants 
 of the Taliban. The sanctions required that all nations 
 impose arms embargoes and freeze their finances.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 500 million applications downloaded. 
2014  smiled.


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How to forward just one paragraph? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, January 15.
Next Wednesday I have to go for more injections into my 
eyeballs. Today I have to go for "consultation" about
cataract surgery. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Missouri Woman who was Jailed After Showing Up To Court Drunk With Baby In Tow Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. The mission was launched on October 15, 1997. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated. --- Alec Bourne What we see depends mainly on what we look for. --- John Lubbock
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened. He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of chocolate cake."
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90 and have a heart problem."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Terisha Wallace, 19, Edwardsville, Missouri Jailed After Showing Up To Court Drunk With Baby In Tow Terisha Wallace, a 19-year-old Missouri woman, was jailed Friday after she allegedly showed up to court intoxicated and with her baby in tow. And that's not all she apparently got wrong. According to the Madison County Sheriff's Office, Wallace was taken into custody after she brought her baby to the Madison County Criminal Justice Center while under the influence of alcohol. Although the charge is a misdemeanor, Wallace has developed a history of alcohol related charges and two felony arrests. Investigators say Wallace was placed under arrest as soon as she arrived at the courthouse after they received a tip from her mother alleging that she had been drinking the night before and would likely still be intoxicated. A breath test later confirmed that she had consumed alcohol. To make matters more ironic, Wallace wasn't scheduled to show up for her court appearance until Monday. Wallace was reportedly ordered into court for a probation status hearing after she was accused last June of assaulting a 13-year-old boy. In that case, Wallace and a 16-year-old male reportedly punched and kicked the victim in the head. In April of 2012 Wallace reportedly pleaded guilty to a charge of burglary and was placed on two years of probation. She was also convicted in 2009 of unlawful consumption of alcohol by a minor. Wallace's mother, Cheri, has filed a motion asking the court for an order of protection for herself and the baby. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: How do I forward just one joke? Dear Webby, Greeting from Northern Minnesota, enjoy your humor letter every day, keep up the great work. question is there any way I can take a joke from your humor letter and forward it to others without sending the whole humor letter ? I'm able to do it with the pictures just right click and save picture but it doesn't work for print. thanks for any help, Jim Two Harbors,Mn Dear Jim Highlight the joke Click on the Forward icon and type in the address of the recipient. Another method is to highlight the joke hit CTRL C to copy jump to a letter to that recipient place the cursor where you want that joke hit CTRL V to paste it. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Toss That Broken Fan! Don't toss that broken fan until you've removed both parts of the round wire blade cover and cleaned them well, for two of the finest and sturdiest patio table/garden baskets, chip servers you will ever find for free! By Lynda from TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
I was shocked, confused, bewildered as I entered Heaven's door, Not by the beauty of it all, by the lights or its decor. But it was the folks in Heaven who made me sputter and gasp-- the thieves, the liars, the sinners, the alcoholics, the trash. There stood the kid from seventh grade who swiped my lunch money twice. Next to him was my old neighbor who never said anything nice. Herb, who I always thought was rotting away in hell, was sitting pretty on cloud nine, looking incredibly well. I nudged the angel, "What's the deal? I would love to hear your take. How'd all these sinners get up here? God must've made a mistake. And why's everyone so quiet, so somber? Give me a clue." "Hush, child," said he. "They're all in shock. No one thought they'd see you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

At the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus party. Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful young thing and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at parties. "Oh, I have a 3.9, so I'm much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb party animals," she said. "What's your G.P.A.?" Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about 27 in the city and 38 on the highway.
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, I have placed an order for it just yesterday." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" And the clerk said, "Rapes down in the parkade."

» Pucker Power

Today, January 14, in
1559 England's Queen Elizabeth I (Elizabeth Tudor) was crowned 
in Westminster Abbey.
1624 Many riots occurred in Mexico when it was announced that 
all churches were to be closed.
1863 "The Boston Morning Journal" became the first paper in 
 the U.S. to be published on wood pulp paper.
1870 A cartoon by Thomas Nast titled "A Live Jackass Kicking 
 a Dead Lion" appeared in "Harper's Weekly." The cartoon 
 used the donkey to symbolize the Democratic Party for the 
 first time.
1892 "Triangle" magazine in Springfield, MA, published the 
 rules for a brand new game. The original rules involved 
 attaching peach baskets to a suspended board. It is now 
 known as basketball.
1913 The first telephone line between Berlin and New York 
 was inaugurated.
1943 The Pentagon was dedicated as the world's largest office 
 building just outside Washington, DC, in Arlington, VA. 
 The structure covers 34 acres of land and has 17 miles of 
 corridors. It has since been extended.
1955 The first solar-heated, radiation-cooled house was built 
 by Raymond Bliss in Tucson, AZ.
1973 U.S. President Nixon announced the suspension of all 
 U.S. offensive action in North Vietnam. 
1974 "Happy Days" premiered on ABC-TV.
2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the U.S. Congress 
had permission to repeatedly extend copyright protection.
2014  smiled.


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April Panic 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, January 14.

Had to go up to the hospital for my quarter year blood 
sampling. Dianne Skyped me to put rocks into my pockets,
because the blizzard apparently was 80, gusting to 100.
I thought she was exaggerating a bit, especially since
the blizzard was at my back going up there. No problem
at all!

When I shook the snow off my back at the hospital entrance,
and there was enough for a snow man, that was my first clue,
that the way home might not be as easy.
It wasn't.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Kentucky jail breaker, who got so cold, that he asked to be let inside again. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. The mission was launched on October 15, 1997. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

>From Penny A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband ?" All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him ?" Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart." The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response. Here are some of the replies: 1. Who the hell is this ? 2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what ? 3. Yeh, and I love you too. What's up with you ?? 4. What now? Did you crash the car again ? 5. I don't understand what you mean ? 6. What the f*ck did you do now ? 7. ?!? 8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need ? 9. Am I dreaming ? 10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die. 11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. 12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she ?? 13. Are you pregnant AGAIN?
Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the ..., in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Wylene Crissel, Titusville, Floriduh Titusville Woman held after box-cutter attack A Titusville woman wielding a box cutter slashed another woman’s neck during a Sunday night argument at the Emerald Place Apartments on Tree Lane, police said. Wylene Crissel was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon after the 8:36 p.m. confrontation. She was taken to the Brevard County Jail Complex. Witnesses told police Crissel began arguing with the victim, and the argument escalated into a fight. That’s when Crissel produced a box cutter and sliced the victim’s neck, police said. The victim was hospitalized with serious but non-life threatening injuries. Tech Support Pits From: Darla Re: April panic Dear Webby, When I try to vote for your site, I never get an e-mail to confirm. It's been happening for a long time, is there anything I can do ? I also have a computer question to ask you if you don't mind. Both My Mom and I have XP on our computer's & use Outlook Express. After April when Microsoft no longer supports XP, is there anything we can do beside's buy a new computer ? We have been using XP for many years and I don't want to get stuck with Windows 8. I have saved lots of Outlook Express e-mails on my hard drive and I'm wondering what will happen to them. Some have picture's included and some don't. Thank you for your time, Darla Dear Darla the voting is done at the Ezinefinder, not at any of our servers. Write to support@cumuli.com or use the contact form on their site. Re XP supposedly no longer getting support from Microsoft after April: How much support have you received from them on a regular basis? Would you actually notice it, if they stopped providing that ? They are not going to come visiting you and risk a rolling pin over their noggin for tying to turn your computer off or deleting your emails. All they are threatening, if you don't buy a new computer from one of the many companies they own shares in, is that they will no longer have a support desk to answer questions, and that Mujibar will be on the W7 desk after April. Keep in mind, a LOT of industry and commerce are using XP, and have often enough threatened to move to Linux, if they can't continue to use XP. They MEAN IT! They all have Linux installation CD's ready to pop in. With industry and commerce all that counts is the applications, that they actually use, like a word processor or spreadsheet or database or email. Those programs all have their Linux versions. All the other frills are not really necessary, and frequently even frowned upon. Sure, you can play games on Linux too, but it will take people some time to find and install the games, and in the meantime, productivity might break out! As far as the monthly updates to slow XP down to the speed of W7, don't worry, as long as you got decent anti-malware protection like McAfee. So, there is absolutely no panic about April, except for Mujibar, of course. He is probably busy cussing about W7 or W8. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Juice from Canned Fruit Use it when making yeast breads; including cinnamon rolls and or quick breads. It adds another layer of delicious flavor and nutrition. You may want to reduce the amount of sugar by a Tbsp. or so to keep from having your breads or rolls too sweet. I especially like to use peach syrup (heavy syrup) in cinnamon rolls. Yummy. It is also one of the best additions when making Jello, instead of cold water. Canned fruit liquid or syrup is a delicious addition to making salad dressings. I add a bit of vinegar and a dash of black pepper. Use over any sort of green leafy lettuce. Thicken it with a spoonful of corn starch, cook until mixture thickens, cool and spoon over ice-cream or pudding, fresh fruit salad or pound cake. Source: My dislike of having to waste anything good. By Julia from Boca Raton, FL WHOA!!!! Learn the diffwerence between fruit juice and fruit syrup! Fruit JUICE is juice from that fruit. Pineapple often has Fruit JUICE. Fruit SYRUP is corn syrup with fruit flavor, and will cause you to wonder what made your rear end so wide. Peaches are often in SYRUP. Be very careful at the store! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
"What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your incredible sense of humor."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "But God won't fink to my wife."
A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us my e-mail. "

» Watermelon

Today, January 14, in
1639 Connecticut's first constitution, the "Fundamental 
 Orders," was adopted.
1784 The United States ratified a peace treaty with England 
 ending the Revolutionary War.
1858 French emperor Napoleon III escaped an attempt on 
 his life.
1873 John Hyatt's 1869 invention ‘Celluloid’ was 
 registered as a trademark.
1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for 
 Britain's Queen Victoria.
1907 An earthquake killed over 1,000 people in Kingston, 
 Jamaica.
1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first 
 U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office. He 
 flew from Miami, FL, to French Morocco where he met with 
 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill to discuss WWII.
1953 Josip Broz Tito was elected president of Yugoslavia 
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were married. The 
 marriage only lasted nine months.
1954 The Hudson Motor Car Company merged with Nash-Kelvinator. 
 The new company was called the American Motors Corporation.
1969 An explosion aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Enterprise 
 off Hawaii killed 25 crew members.
1993 The British government pledged to introduce legislation 
 to criminalize invasions of privacy by the press.
1994 U.S. President Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin 
 signed Kremlin accords to stop aiming missiles at any nation 
 and to dismantle the nuclear arsenal of Ukraine.
1998 Whitewater prosecutors questioned Hillary Rodham Clinton 
 at the White House for 10 minutes about the gathering of 
 FBI background files on past Republican political appointees.
1999 The impeachment trial of U.S. President Clinton began in 
 Washington, DC.
1999 The U.S. proposed the lifting of the U.N. ceilings on the 
 sale of oil in Iraq. The restriction being that the money be 
 used to buy medicine and food for the Iraqi people.
2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back 
 pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. 
 The mission was launched on October 15, 1997.
2014  smiled.


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Set programs for different file types 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, January 13.
Voting works again!
Please vote!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Kentucky jail breaker, who got so cold, that he asked to be let inside again. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile, which allowed for a 30% decrease in car weight. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd. --- Allan Goldfein The one function TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were. --- David Brinkley (1920 - 2003)
360 degree background check: The best and most complete Background check you can get. Professional results!

Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience. Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters to omit them from their articles. One article that came out the next day, written by a cub reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also told a number of stories that cannot be printed."
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if we're at the right funeral."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Vick, 42, Lexington, Kentucky Kentucky jail breaker, who got so cold, that he asked to be let inside again. Robert Vick, a 42-year-old inmate who escaped from Blackburn Correctional Complex in Lexington, turned himself back in less than 48 hours later when he decided jail was better than freezing to death. According to police, Vick escaped from a minimum security facility in Lexington Sunday, however, the plan quickly backfired when he encountered an unexpected dose of cold weather. Local wind chill temperatures were 20 degrees below zero Monday in Lexington, according to weather reports. Vick would have been dressed in prison issued khaki pants, a hirt and a jacket, according to Department of Correction spokesperson, Lisa Lamb. As temperatures dropped between Sunday and Tuesday morning, Vick reportedly walked into a motel and asked the clerk to call police. He reportedly told the clerk that he wanted to turn himself in because it was too cold outside. Arriving officers called in paramedics to check Vick out before he was returned to Blackburn, said Lexington police spokesperson Sherelle Roberts "This was definitely of his own volition," said Roberts. " It's cold out there, too cold to run around. I can understand why the suspect would turn himself in. Vick was serving a six-year sentence for burglary and criminal possession of a forged instrument when he escaped. Tech Support Pits From: Joy Re: Set file types Dear Webby, Sometimes I can't open picture attachments in email. The message I get is,"This file does not have a program associated with it for performing this action. Create an association in the Folders Options Control Panel. I don't really know what to do after opening the Folder Options folder. Can you help me? Thanks, Joy Dear Joy Right-Click on START select EXPLORE Click on TOOLS FOLDER OPTIONS FILE TYPES Scroll down to the file type that you need a program for, highlight it click on advanced, and select a suitable program for it. For GIF, JPG, PNG, BMP select PaintShop Pro or whatever you use for graphics. For PDF use Foxit or Adobe Acrobat, for PPT use Microsoft PowerPoint viewer. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Strain Sugar from Cereal When you get to the end of the cereal box or bag, you'll see sugar or tiny particles that you don't want to eat. Take a strainer and dump the cereal into the strainer and shake around. The small parts and sugar will fall into the sink or garbage can. By lnygaard Poking some small holes into the bottom of the bag or box works quite well too. That way, if you ar not as far down the box as you thought, you don't have to try getting it back in there. Even easier is buying un-sugared cereal and adding whatever sweetener you are in the mood for in the amounts you want right on the plate, for example dark Demarara sugar. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Isaac guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. His friend Morris said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "Yes, that she did," he replied. "But where in the world was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho", and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of buffalos." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch' but 'herd'." "Heard what?" "Herd of buffalos." "Sure, I've heard of buffalos. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there." "Yep. You can go ride one of them for the afternoon."
The Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle ranch, and finally made enough money to buy his dream spread in Wyoming. "So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend when he flew out to visit "We had a heck of a time," admitted the new cowboy."Couldn't agree on anything. We finally settled on the Double R Lazy L Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch." "Wow!" his friend was impressed. "So where are all the cows?" "When they saw that branding iron, they all ran away."

» Critter Chatter

Today, January 13, in
1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military 
 order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an 
 army of God.
1854 Anthony Faas of Philadelphia, PA, patented the accordion.
1898 Emile Zola's "J'accuse" was published in Paris.
1900 In Austria-Hungary, Emperor Franz Joseph decreed that 
 German would be the language of the imperial army to combat 
 Czech nationalism.
1906 Hugh Gernsback, of the Electro Importing Company, 
 advertised radio receivers for sale for the price of just 
 $7.50 in "Scientific American" magazine.
1928 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson gave the first public 
 demonstration of television.
1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile, which 
 allowed for a 30% decrease in car weight.
1982 An Air Florida 737 crashed into the capital's 14th 
 Street Bridge after takeoff and fell into the Potomac River. 
 78 people were killed.
1984 Wayne Gretzky extended his NHL consecutive scoring 
 streak to 45 games.
1992 Japan apologized for forcing tens of thousands of Korean 
 women to serve as sex slaves for Japanese soldiers during WQII.
1998 ABC and ESPN negotiated to keep "Monday Night Football" 
 for $1.15 billion a season.
1998 One of the 110 missing episodes of the British TV show 
 "Doctor Who" was found in New Zealand.
2002 Japan and Singapore signed a free trade pact
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush fainted after choking 
 on a pretzel.
2009 Ethiopian military forces began pulling out of Somalia, 
 where they had tried to maintain order for nearly two years. 
2014  smiled.


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Good results with Crap Cleaner 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, January 12.
Voting works again!
Please vote!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Meth dealers dining at classy restaurant jailed after leaving waitress a methamphetamine tip Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's office with taped conversations between herself and former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. Today we had a nice and rambunctious Chinook. My wind chimes were gonging like crazy, and one of them tore loose and took off. It sure was funny watching plastic lawn chairs scooting along on the crusty snow. For a while there were dry leaves getting blown along by the storm. They were definitely not from Alberta, where all leaves are covered by a foot or more of snow. They must have come across the Rockies from BC. When I saw a downed wheelie-bin sailing along on the street I went to check on mine, It was OK, down, but firmly wedged between the back steps and the garage. It sure was funny, though, to see a wheelie bin sailing along at slightly over the speed limit. Have FUN! DearWebby
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America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)
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>From Roland Do you have one in your files about this mother visiting her son and was concerned about them sleeping together so she hid the soup spoon under the girl friends pillow. Something like that. Yes, I found it. Here it is: HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one. Bryan invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Bryan's mother couldn't help but keep noticing how beautiful Bryan's roommate, Jessica, was. Bryan's mother had long been suspicious of a relationship between Bryan and Jessica, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mother started to wonder if there was more between Bryan and Jessica than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Bryan volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jessica and I are just roommates." About a week later, Jessica came to Bryan saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Bryan said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mother: I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Bryan Several days later, Bryan received an email from his mother that read: Dear Son: I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jessica, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Jessica. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom
Andy was reading the paper while his son was doing homework on the opposite side of the table. "Dad", his son asked, "how many people work in the Government?" Without looking up, Andy responded: "Oh, about a quarter of them."
Thanks to Terry for sending this picture, that she took in October: Click on the picture for the large versi"> Click on the picture for the large version Outdoor exercise machines in Black Diamond, AB I think it was around -25 that day, Guess who that is!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ryan Bensen, 40, and Erica Manley, 37, in Seaside, Oregon Meth dealers Dining At Classy Restaurant Jailed After Leaving Waitress A Methamphetamine Tip Ryan Bensen, 40, and Erica Manley, 37, were jailed Thursday night after they allegedly left crystal meth as a tip while dining out. According to Seaside Police, Bensen and Manley were having dinner and drinks at the Twisted Fish Steakhouse Thursday night when stupidity became the guest of honor. When it came time to settle the bill, the couple used a gift card to pay the balance due. Instead of offering the waitress a cash tip, the couple handed her an envelope that had a question mark scribbled on the front. Inside the envelope, the waitress found an undisclosed amount of crystal meth. The waitress then calmly walked away from the table and contacted police. Investigators say Bensen and Manley were still at the restaurant when officers arrived at the scene. Upon search of Manley's purse, officers recovered a half-kilo of meth. Police later searched the couple's car and the motel room and recovered a large cache of crystal meth. Officers also found materials inside the motel room used for manufacturing methamphetamine. Bensen was booked into jail and charged with manufacturing methamphetamine. Manley was booked into jail and charged with possessing, delivering and manufacturing meth. Tech Support Pits From: Dan Re: Crap Cleaner Dear Webby, Thank You for the infomation on crap cleaner. I used it on windows xp where it worked very well But, it was remarkable what it did on my laptop that uses win7 It is like a new computer Thank you. Dan Dear Dan You are most welcome! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Wooden Spoon To Prevent Boil Over When boiling potatoes, noodles, etc on top of stove, place a wooden spoon over top of pan to keep it from boiling over and having to clean up a mess. By mjbretz It doesn't have to be a wooden spoon. A stick works fine when cooking on a camp fire. Metal works too. With anything, that requires a rolling boil or when cooking at high altitude, that trick is indispensible! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on." The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too..." ------------------------- That reminds me of a landing in Burwash in the Yukon in 71. Burwash is at the end of Kluane Lake, beside Kluane National Park. Very scenic. Also the worlds windiest airport. There was a short dirt taxi-way and parking area between the gravel runway and the occasionally staffed airport building. We used an old Piper Cub to get from there to Tincup Lake, where another guy and me were pretending to be carpenters and built a big fishing lodge without anybody ever catching on that we were learning carpentry as we went. We stayed in tents at Tincup Lake and once a week flew out to Burwash for hot showers and a meal that we did not have to poach, to pick up nails and other supplies, and to flirt at the waitresses. Top speed of the old souped up Cub was about 85 miles per hour when the tank was near empty. This one day the wind was 80, gusting to 90. Just before Burwash our route was near the Alaska Highway. Cars on the highway below sure looked fast whenever we were drifting backwards! When we finally got to the airport, we realized that there was just no way we would be able to taxi from the runway across the wind over to the parking area without getting flipped sideways. Gerry, who was just as crazy as me, hovered over the taxi way like a tethered kite and slowly forced the plane down to the tiedowns. The tiedowns were 55 gallon drums filled with cast iron engine blocks and old batteries. When we were low enough, I climbed out onto the wing to wheel support strut, and while hanging on with one hand and one leg, fished for the rope on the first barrel. After a few tries I got hold of it and cinched down the left wing. With the engine still running at full blast, I clambered over to the other side, being careful not to touch the ground and taking any weight off the little plane, and finally tied down that side, just before we ran out fuel. After climbing out, Gerry tied the stick to the seat, -yes, the front had a real seat, not just a cooler-, so that the wind forced the tail down. Then we carried a couple of 10 gallon drums filled with concrete and chains over to the tail to tie it down. It's amazing how fast you can run while carrying those drums, when you are in a hurry and you have an 80 mile per hour wind at your back! The waitresses in Burwash didn't want us to fly back that night and managed to persuade us to spend the night. By morning the wind had slowed down considerably, but we didn't need the real runway. The width of the taxi strip was plenty.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on." The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too..." ------------------------- That reminds me of a landing in Burwash in the Yukon in 71. Burwash is at the end of Kluane Lake, beside Kluane National Park. Very scenic. Also the worlds windiest airport. There was a short dirt taxi-way and parking area between the gravel runway and the occasionally staffed airport building. We used an old Piper Cub to get from there to Tincup Lake, where another guy and me were pretending to be carpenters and built a big fishing lodge without anybody ever catching on that we were learning carpentry as we went. We stayed in tents at Tincup Lake and once a week flew out to Burwash for hot showers and a meal that we did not have to poach, to pick up nails and other supplies, and to flirt at the waitresses. Top speed of the old souped up Cub was about 85 miles per hour when the tank was near empty. This one day the wind was 80, gusting to 90. Just before Burwash our route was near the Alaska Highway. Cars on the highway below sure looked fast whenever we were drifting backwards! When we finally got to the airport, we realized that there was just no way we would be able to taxi from the runway across the wind over to the parking area without getting flipped sideways. Gerry, who was just as crazy as me, hovered over the taxi way like a tethered kite and slowly forced the plane down to the tiedowns. The tiedowns were 55 gallon drums filled with cast iron engine blocks and old batteries. When we were low enough, I climbed out onto the wing to wheel support strut, and while hanging on with one hand and one leg, fished for the rope on the first barrel. After a few tries I got hold of it and cinched down the left wing. With the engine still running at full blast, I clambered over to the other side, being careful not to touch the ground and taking any weight off the little plane, and finally tied down that side, just before we ran out fuel. After climbing out, Gerry tied the stick to the seat, -yes, the front had a real seat, not just a cooler-, so that the wind forced the tail down. Then we carried a couple of 10 gallon drums filled with concrete and chains over to the tail to tie it down. It's amazing how fast you can run while carrying those drums, when you are in a hurry and you have an 80 mile per hour wind at your back! The waitresses in Burwash didn't want us to fly back that night and managed to persuade us to spend the night. By morning the wind had slowed down considerably, but we didn't need the real runway. The width of the taxi strip was plenty.
A group of friends who prided themselves on their intelligence set out to have a contest of wits. Each person in turn asked a question, and anyone who volunteered an answer that was wrong dropped out. If no one could answer,the questioner himself had to answer, and if he was wrong,he dropped out. Each dropout had to put $5 into the pot. Eventually the matter boiled down to Thompson and Brown, and the erudition of each one boiled up so that both were held even for half an hour. Finally Thompson said, "How does a gopher dig a hole without leaving a mound of sand at the lip?" Brown thought about that and said, "I can't answer that. However, since it's your question, you had better answer it." Thompson said coolly, as he reached for the accumulated pile of bills. "Easy. The gopher starts at the bottom of the hole and that's where he leaves the sand." "Hold on," said Brown heatedly, grasping Thompson's wrist to prevent him from taking the pot. "How does the gopher get to the bottom of the hole in the first place?" "That's YOUR question," said Thompson as he took the money.

» Frozen Bubles

Today, January 11, in
49 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon River signaling a 
 war between Rome and Gaul.
1519 Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I died.
1866 The Royal Aeronautical Society was founded in London.
1875 Kwang-su was made emperor of China.
1882 Thomas Edison's central station on Holborn Viaduct 
 in London began operation.
1896 At Davidson College, several students took x-ray 
 photographs. They created the first X-ray photographs 
 to be made in America.
1908 A wireless message was sent long-distance for the first 
 time from the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
1915 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a proposal 
 to give women the right to vote.
1915 The U.S. Congress established the Rocky Mountain National Park.
1932 Hattie W. Caraway became the first woman elected to the 
 U.S. Senate.
1938 Austria recognized the Franco government in Spain.
1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland.
1943 The Office of Price Administration announced that standard 
 Frankfurters/hot dogs/Wieners would be replaced by 
 'Victory Sausages.'
1945 During World War II, Soviet forces began a huge offensive 
 against the Germans in Eastern Europe.
1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not discriminate 
 against law-school applicants because of race.
1964 Leftist rebels in Zanzibar began their successful revolt 
 against the government and a republic was proclaimed.
1966 U.S. President Johnson said in his State of the Union 
 address that the United States should stay in South Vietnam 
 until Communist aggression there was ended.
1970 The breakaway state of Biafra capitulated and the 
 Nigerian civil war came to an end.
1971 "All In the Family" debuted on CBS-TV.
1991 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution authorizing 
 President Bush to use military power to force Iraq out 
 of Kuwait.
1998 Tyson Foods Inc. pled guilty to giving $12,000 to 
 former Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy. Tyson was fined 
 $6 million.
1998 19 European nations agreed to prohibit human cloning.
1998 Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's 
 office with taped conversations between herself and former 
 White House intern Monica Lewinsky.
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, gave police 
 broad authority to stop and question people who run at 
 the sight of an officer.
2005 NASA launched "Deep Impact". The spacecraft was planned 
 to impact on Comet Tempel 1 after a six-month, 268 million
 -mile journey.
2006 The U.S. Mint began shipping new 5-cent coins to the 12 
 regional Federal Reserve Banks. The coin has an image of 
 Thomas Jefferson taken from a 1800 Rembrandt Peale portrait 
 in which the president is looking forward. Since 1909, when 
 presidents were first depicted on circulating coins, all 
 presidents had been shown in profile.
2014  smiled.


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Lost Files 



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Today is Saturday, January 11.
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Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Indiana man who was jailed after trooper on routine traffic stop finds nearly 50 bombs. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1922 At Toronto General Hospital, Leonard Thompson became the first person to be successfully treated with insulin. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. --- Ann Landers He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult to make his words good. --- Confucius
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>From Roland The couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that there was a wonderful Russian baby boy available. The couple accepted him without hesitation. On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?" The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby. In a year or so, when he begins to talk, we want to be able to understand him."
The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two."The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world." But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel this way about my mother moving in with us tomorrow morning ."
Thanks to Nanarina for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Frost Flower
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew Boguslawski, an Indiana man who was jailed after trooper on routine traffic stop finds nearly 50 bombs. Andrew Boguslawski, a 43-year-old Indiana man, was jailed New Year's Day after police found nearly 50 bombs and a remote detonating device in his vehicle during a routine traffic stop for speeding. According to Ohio State Police, Boguslawski was traveling 85 mph in a 70-mph section of Interstate 70 Wednesday when Troopers pulled him over for speeding. When the Trooper approached the window, Boguslawski stated that he had no weapons or other unlawful materials in his vehicle. However, the officer saw the handle of a gun between Boguslawski's legs when he returned to the car with a ticket. The officer then held Boguslawski at gun point while waiting for backup to arrive. Officers later recovered 48 explosive devices, a remote detonating system, additional bomb making materials, two pistols and two rifles from Boguslawski's vehicle. Investigators are working to determine why Boguslawski had so many explosives and what he intended to do with them in Ohio. He was booked into jail and charged with illegal manufacture or processing of explosives. He remains held in lieu of $1 million bond. Tech Support Pits From: Rita Re: Lost files Dear Webby, Hello! I need to ask you a question about my Documents settings.I went to click on my Documents this morning and got a box with instructions that it was not recognized and to rt click my documents icon then click properties and check path to target location is correct.So I went there and clicked on the default thinking maybe this would help. It only came up as if I had just started it today.I had tons of pics. and all on there that can never be replaced. Could you tell me where I might be able to retrieve the files? I updated IE, but it has never done this before. I don't understand how my documents could just disappear or not work anymore.Never had this problem before. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Love you letters everyday. Thank you. Rita in Texas Dear Rita IE is bad news, but I don't think it is the cause of this particular problem. Probably the cat batted the mouse around and drug the files elsewhere. Or an errant elbow. Click on START Search and search for *.jpg That will find all the JPG files, and let you drag them back to where you used to have them, or to a more appropriate location. The same trick works with .gif, mp3, doc, docx, and whatever files you are looking for. You will soon find out where they got drug to. Chances are they are all at the same place. This is a chance for you to drag them all to a more convenient location than the rather klutzy default. I put them onto the external USB drive into the !! folder. "!!" is always right near the top and really easy to find. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Pasta or Rice in the Microwave When we got our first microwave, we were without a stove so I learned to cook in the microwave. For any type of pasta or rice: Put in a microwave safe bowl. Add twice as much water or other liquid as there is of the pasta. Microwave on high. 15 minutes for noodles or small pasta. 20-25 minutes for macaroni or thicker pasta. 30 minutes for rice. IMPORTANT, stir well after the first 5 minutes. This keeps the pasta from clumping together. Rice doesn't need to be stirred. Drain and use. Since microwaves vary in their cooking, check 5 minutes before time. You can use stock, tomatoes in juice, et cetera for liquid. When cooking rice, cover and let set for 5-7 minutes and it will soak up the liquid and will be nice and fluffy. Source: Experience By Nightsong If you add a bit of salt and butter and boiling hot liquid 5 minutes earlier, you can drastically reduce cooking time and energy use. Keep in mind, on HIGH the Microwave uses just as much power as the big burner on a stove. KD and generic copies, which often seems to be from WWII, or maybe the pyramids, to save on shipping costs and warehouse space, really benefit from a hot pre-soak. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home- cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. "I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." "What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "I think it's a wonderful gesture." "We hadn't started eating yet."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A telephone repairman was working late in a big office building and became lost. After a long search of the rambling first floor to find an exit, he spotted a woman at the end of a corridor. "Excuse me, can you tell me how do I get outside?" he asked. "Dial 9," she replied.
Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams?" Patient: "Why, Doc? I didn't feel a thing!" Dentist: "I know, but there are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the five o'clock foot- ball game."

» Thimnbles Clubs

Today, January 11, in
1569 England's first state lottery was held.
1770 The first shipment of rhubarb was sent to the US
 from London.
1815 U.S. General Andrew Jackson achieved victory at the 
 Battle of New Orleans. The War of 1812 had officially ended 
 on December 24, 1814, with the signing of the Treaty of 
 Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached British 
 troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans.
1861 Alabama seceded from the United States.
1867 Benito Juarez returned to the Mexican presidency, 
 following the withdrawal of French troops and the 
 execution of Emperor Maximilian.
1878 In New York, milk was delivered in glass bottles for 
 the first time by Alexander Campbell.
1902 "Popular Mechanics" magazine was published for the first time.
1913 The first sedan-type car was unveiled at the National 
 Automobile Show in New York City. The car was manufactured 
 by the Hudson Motor Company.
1922 At Toronto General Hospital, Leonard Thompson became the 
 first person to be successfully treated with insulin.
1935 Amelia Earhart Putnam became the first woman to fly solo 
 from Hawaii to California.
1942 Japan declared war against the Netherlands. The same day, 
 Japanese forces invaded the Dutch East Indies.
1943 The United States and Britain signed treaties relinquishing 
 extraterritorial rights in China.
1977 France released Abu Daoud, a Palestinian suspected of 
 involvement in the massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972 
 Munich Olympics.
1978 Two Soviet cosmonauts aboard the Soyuz 27 capsule linked 
 up with the Salyut 6 orbiting space station, where the Soyuz 
 26 capsule was already docked.
1988 U.S. Vice President George Bush met with representatives 
 of independent counsel Lawrence E. Walsh to answer questions 
 about the Iran-Contra affair.
1991 An auction of silver and paintings that had been acquired 
 by the late Ferdinand Marcos and his wife, Imelda, brought 
 in a total of $20.29 million at Christie's in New York.
2014  smiled.


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Where to get Crap Cleaner? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, January 10.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!





Today's International Bonehead Award goes to 3 crooks who got jailed for Robbing Woman As She Lay Dying Of Brain Aneurysm Details at International Bonehead Awards Today, in 2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all women could get the morning-after contraception pill for free in pharmacies. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses." --- Victor Hugo "When you're a professional, you come back no matter what happened the day before." --- Billy Martin "By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." --- Socrates
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>From Roland HE MUST PAY! Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you." Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.”
>From Roland: A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC: THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS. 45% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary. It means 55% are running around untreated. ------- If Ruth reads this, you are in trouble, Roland!
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version California Wine Country
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daquantrius Shaquill Johnson, Quanique Dontrell Thomas-Hameen, Keith Byron Heckels Jr., all 19, in Wichita, Kansas Three crooks got jailed for Robbing a Woman As She Lay Dying Of Brain Aneurysm Danielle Zimmerman and family Three heartless thugs have been arrested after they allegedly robbed a woman as she lay dying of a brain aneurysm while picking up dinner for her family at a Wichita Taco Bell restaurant. According to police, 43-year-old Danielle Zimmerman suffered a brain aneurysm as she was traveling through a Taco Bell drive-thru lane on the evening of Dec. 29. Zimmerman was later taken to a local hospital where she died the next day. Paramedics and police were dispatched to the scene after customers at the restaurant realized that something was wrong, rushed to Zimmerman's aid and called 911. But in the short time before Zimmerman received help, the three goons you see above allegedly paid her a visit first. Investigators say at least three suspects robbed Zimmerman as she lay dying in her car. The thieves reportedly made off with Zimmerman's wedding ring, purse, cell phone and credit cards. On Friday, Daquantrius Shaquill Johnson (left) and Quanique Dontrell Thomas-Hameen (center) were arrested after investigators received a tip through the Crime Stoppers hotline. Both suspects are 19 years old. Both suspects had been charged and convicted of burglary in the past. A third suspect, 19-year-old Keith Byron Heckels Jr., (right) was arrested when he turned himself in for an unrelated probation violation. Johnson was booked into jail and charged with robbery, criminal possession of a firearm and probation violation. He remains held in lieu of $315,000 bond. Thomas-Hameen was booked into jail and charged with robbery, failure to appear and driving while suspended. He remains held in lieu of $200,500 bond. Heckels was booked into jail and charged with robbery and probation violation. Bail has not been announced in his case. -------- I know all about brain aneurisms. My mother died of one at the same age as Danielle. I had one at age 38 and another one at 44. In my case, I was med-evaced from the Yukon to Vancouver, BC, where they sawed my head open and fixed the busted blood vessel in the brain. My heartfelt condolences go to Kris Zimmerman and sons, and I hope those crooks get tuned up and clued in in jail! Tech Support Pits From: john Re: Crap Cleaner Dear Webby, I have seen you mention crap cleaner. I went on google and found several possible downloads. I was hoping you could tell me witch is the one you recommend. Some of these type of programs create more problems that they solve. thank you john Hi John Just go to my tool box at http://webby.com/tools and grab it from there. That way you get the legitimate one, with the fewest ads trying to sidetrack you while getting to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dry Out Paint Before Adding To Trash I open the cans and let the paint dry out and dispose of in the trash. I haven't needed to do this in Ocean City, so I am not sure of their legal disposal rules, which is probably the best place to start. Make sure you're "green"! By looneylulu from Ocean City, MD The reaspn for drying out paint cans is so that they don't spill and glue a big garbage bag onto the bottom of your wheelie bin or trash can. That can turn into a very smelly problem. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Irene While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers." "It's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already potty trained."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should brew the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says: "HEBREWS"
A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill in the cash reg- ister of a local grocery store. "Hey, where have you been? I haven't seen you around here!" The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship. I just got back to the States recently, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?" The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff - church, church, church..." Confused the twenty replied: "What's a church?"

» Thimnbles Clubs

Today, January 10, in
1840 The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a standard 
 charge rather than paid for by the recipient, began in 
 Britain.
1861 Florida seceded from the United States.
1863 Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of 
 the London Underground Railway system, from Paddington 
 to Farringdon Street.
1870 John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil.
1901 Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near 
 Beaumont, TX.
1911 Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from 
 an airplane while flying over San Diego, CA.
1920 The League of Nations ratified the Treaty of Versailles, 
 officially ending World War I with Germany.
1928 The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky.
1949 Vinyl records were introduced by RCA (45 rpm) and 
 Columbia (33.3 rpm).
1978 The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a Soyuz 
 capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space laboratory.
1981 In El Salvador, Marxist insurgents launched a 
 "final offensive".
1984 The United States and the Vatican established full 
 diplomatic relations for the first time in more than a 
 century.
1990 Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing 
 after seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy 
 protests had saved China from "the abyss of misery."
1990 Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a 
 $14 billion merger. The new company, Time Warner, was the 
 world's largest entertainment company.
1994 In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She 
 had been charged with maliciously wounding her husband John. 
 She was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity.
2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy 
 America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever corporate 
 merger priced at $162 billion. The Federal Trade Commission 
 (FTC) approved the deal on December 14, 2000.
2001 American Airlines agreed to acquire most of Trans World 
 Airlines (TWA) assets for about $500 million. The deal 
 brought an end to the financially troubled TWA.
2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all 
 women could get the morning-after contraception pill for 
 free in pharmacies.
2003 North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from the 
 global nuclear arms control treaty and that it had no 
 plans to develop nuclear weapons.
2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.3 million feature 
 length films sold and 50 million television episodes sold. 
2014  smiled.


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How to get rid of AOL flags >>> 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, January 9.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Oregon Spousal Abuser, who was Busted While Wearing A "She's Kind Of A Slut" T-Shirt Details at International Bonehead Awards From the history part at the bottom: Today in 1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting in public. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"I have never understood why it is "greed" to want to keep the money you've earned, but not greed to want to take somebody else's money." --- Thomas Sowell
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them yelled, "Ma'am, STOP! You knocked out your cat with the first slam. If you are going to keep doing that, you are going to get some very expensive vet bills!"
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm, and Little Johnny asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny said, "Well I can see why they threw HIM out!"
Click on the picture for the large version Canola In China
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Wolfer, 23, Hermiston, Oregon Spousal Abuser Busted While Wearing A "She's Kind Of A Slut" T-Shirt The 23-year-old Oregon man was arrested early Saturday morning for allegedly punching and choking his wife during an argument in front of their three children, according to a Hermiston Police Department summary. Wolfer was booked into the Umatilla County Jail for felony domestic violence and strangulation, a misdemeanor. He is locked up in lieu of $11,000 bond. Perhaps Wolfer’s spouse will wear an “I’m Not With Stupid” shirt at his next court appearance. Tech Support Pits From: Doug Re: AOL Flag Dear Webby, I have never heard anybody calling those chevron forwarding marks "AOL Flag", but I sure will from now on! Once upon a time, long, long ago, you mentioned a program that strips those AOL flags from mails. Do you still have the link to that program? Thanks Doug Dear Doug Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and look for a n icon that looks like a traffic sign with an AOL flag on it. The Program is called "STRIP". and it's free, really free, without any sleazy tool bars or browser helpers or hijackers. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rub Zippers with Candle Wax You can fix a stuck zipper by running a candle up and down on the teeth of the zipper. You should then be able to slide it the back and forth easier. By Gerique from Cleveland, Ohio Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?" "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda was like that. So when she and her new husband husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own suitcase."
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."

» Snow Flukes

Today, January 9, in
1793 Jean-Pierre Blanchard made the first successful balloon 
 flight in the U.S.
1799 British Prime Minister William Pitt the Younger 
 introduced income tax, at two shillings (10p) in the pound, 
 to raise funds for the Napoleonic Wars.
1861 The state of Mississippi seceded from the United States.
1894 The New England Telephone and Telegraph Company put the 
 first battery-operated switchboard into operation in 
 Lexington, MA.
1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting 
in public.
1905 In Russia, the civil disturbances known as the Revolution 
 of 1905 forced Czar Nicholas II to grant some civil rights.
1929 The Seeing Eye was incorporated in Nashville, TN. The 
 company's purpose was to train dogs to guide the blind.
1936 The United States Army adopted the semi-automatic rifle.
1969 The supersonic aeroplane Concorde made its first trial 
 flight, at Bristol.
1972 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth was destroyed by fire 
 in Hong Kong harbor.
1972 British miners went on strike for the first time since 1926.
1986 Kodak got out of the instant camera business after 10 
 years due to a loss in a court battle that claimed that 
 Kodak copied Polaroid patents.
1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Poliakov, 51, completed his 
 366th day in outer space aboard the Mir space station, 
 breaking the record for the longest continuous time 
 spent in outer space.
2002 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was 
 pursuing a criminal investigation of Enron Corp. The 
 company had filed for bankruptcy on December 2, 2001.
2003 Archaeologists announced that they had found five 
 more chambers in the tomb of Qin Shihuang, China's first 
 emperor. The rooms were believed to cover about 750,000 
 square feet. 
2014  smiled.


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Fix IE Window size 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, January 8.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a A New York woman, who was Jailed After Starving Baby Son To Death, Nearly Starving Daughter To Death Details at International Bonehead Awards Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty. I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong. --- R. Buckminster Fuller (1895 - 1983)
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb. When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him. "Does your dog have a license?" he asked. "Oh, no," the man said, "He doesn't need one; I usually do the driving."
A man meets a guru in the road. The man asks the guru, "Which way is success?" The berobed, bearded sage speaks not, but points to a place off in the distance. The man, thrilled by the prospect of quick and easy success, rushes off in the appropriate direction. Suddenly, there comes a loud "SPLAT." Eventually, the man limps back, tattered and stunned, assuming he must have misinterpreted the message. He repeats his question to the guru, who again points silently in the same direction. The man obediently walks off once more. This time the splat is deafening, and when the man crawls back, he is bloody, broken, tattered, and irate. "I asked you which way is success," he screams at the guru. "I followed the direction you indicated. And all I got was splatted! No more of this pointing! Talk!" Only then does the guru speak, and what he says is this: "Success IS that way. Just a little PAST splat."
Click on the picture for the large version Learn to land over there ====>
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Louisa Givens, 21, Ronkonkoma, NY Jailed After Starving Baby Son To Death, Nearly Starved Daughter To Death Louisa Givens, a 21-year-old New York woman, has been indicted after she allegedly starved her 10-month-old son to death. According to Suffolk County prosecutors, Givens' indictment came after she was originally arrested on charges seven months ago. Police say Givens called 911 on May 19th to report that she found her son, Kayden Givens, unresponsive and not breathing. The boy was rushed to Brookhaven Memorial Hospital where he was pronounced dead. Kayden's older sister, 2-year-old Ava Johnson, was also found to be suffering from malnutrition and dehydration. She was taken to Stony Brook University Hospital where she required nine days of treatment. An investigation into the death revealed that Givens had left the child unattended for at least 17 hours prior to her 911 call. An autopsy and months of toxicology tests revealed that the boy died from malnutrition and dehydration. Givens was booked into jail and charged with second-degree manslaughter, reckless endangerment and endangering the welfare of a child. Givens remains held in lieu of a half-million dollar bond. Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Full Size Browser default Dear Webby, I've got a stupid question for you. It used to be, when I clicked on a link that opened a new page, it would come up as a full new page. Now when I click the link, I get a half page. I used to know how to change this but I haven't had to do it for so long that I've forgotten. A little help please. How do I change the size of a new page? David Dear David Viewing pages full size has gone out of fashion, because you don't see what might be opening behind it. Also, with the higher resolutions commonly used nowadays, you can comfortably have two pages open side by side if you squish them a bit. F11 toggles a window to full screen and back. To set full screen as the default, even though Microsoft has decided it is a dumb idea and refuses to tell you how to do it, follow this top secret rigmarole: Close all browser windows but one. Open a new window from a link on the remaining window. Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up). Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what you want the windows to automatically open up as). Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window. From now on, all your new windows should open up to that size until perform a similar process telling IE that you want all new windows to be the new size. Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your preferred window size. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easing Leg Cramps My legs tend to cramp at night. I tried elevating on a pillow but I always lost it at night. So I started putting my heavier reading pillow, the kind that fits behind you and props you up, under my legs at night. I never lose my pillow, and it has really helped with the leg cramp. By ann from Climax, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
John and Bob were two of the bitterest golf rivals at the club. Neither man trusted the others arithmetic. One day they were playing a heated match and watching each other like hawks. After holing out on the fourth green and marking his six on the scorecard, John asked Bob, "What'd you have?" Bob went through the motions of mentally counting up. "Six!" he said and then hastily corrected himself. "No--a five." Calmly John marked the scorecard, saying out loud "Eight!" "Eight?" Bob said, "I couldn't have had eight." John said, "Nope, you claimed six, then changed it to five. But actually you had seven." "Then why did you mark down eight?" asked Bob. John told him, "One stroke penalty, for improving your LIE."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students. My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf. "What are all these books?" he asked. Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. "Really?" he said. "Someone printed out the whole CD?"
An irritated father complained to his buddy. "When I was a kid, my parents sent me to my room without supper if I misbehaved. But my son has his own color TV, telephone, computer, every computer game and CD player in his room!" "So how do you handle it?" his friend asked. "I send him to MY room!"

» Corkscrews

Today, January 8, in
1642 Astronomer Galileo Galilei died in Arcetri, Italy.
1675 The first corporation was charted in the United States. 
 The company was the New York Fishing Company.
1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had 
 officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of 
 the Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached 
 British troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans.
1838 Alfred Vail demonstrated a telegraph code he had devised 
 using dots and dashes as letters. The code was the predecessor 
 to Samuel Morse's code.
1856 Borax (hydrated sodium borate) was discovered by Dr. 
 John Veatch.
1877 Crazy Horse (Tashunca-uitco) and his warriors fought 
 their final battle against the U.S. Cavalry in Montana.
1886 The Severn Railway Tunnel, Britain's longest, was opened.
1889 The tabulating machine was patented by Dr. Herman Hollerith. 
 His firm, Tabulating Machine Company, later became 
 International Business Machines Corporation (IBM).
1900 U.S. President McKinley placed Alaska under military rule.
1908 A catastrophic train collision occurred in the smoke-filled 
 Park Avenue Tunnel in New York City. Seventeen were killed 
 and thirty-eight were injured. The accident caused a public 
 outcry and increased demand for electric trains.
1935 The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy.
1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson declared a "War on Poverty."
1973 Secret peace talks between the United States and 
 North Vietnam resumed near Paris, France.
1973 The trial opened in Washington, of seven men accused 
 of bugging Democratic Party headquarters in the Watergate 
 apartment complex in Washington, DC.
1982 American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) settled the 
 Justice Department's antitrust lawsuit against it by 
 agreeing to divest itself of the 22 Bell System companies.
1982 The U.S. Justice Department withdrew an antitrust 
 suit against IBM.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush collapsed during a 
 state dinner in Tokyo. White House officials said Bush was 
 suffering from stomach flu.
1998 Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for his 
 role of mastermind behind the World Trade Center bombing 
 in New York.
1998 Scientists announced that they had discovered that 
 galaxies were accelerating and moving apart and at 
 faster speeds.
1999 The top two executives of Salt Lake City's Olympic 
 Organizing Committee resigned amid disclosures that 
 civic boosters had given cash to members of the 
 International Olympic Committee.
2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old 
 pyramid and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet. 
2014  smiled.


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How to get rid of the "Conduit" hijacker? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, January 7.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a A California woman, who was arrested for burglaring the home of an ex, murdering the cat and stealing stuff. Details at International Bonehead Awards Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in. --- Bradley's Bromide Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you! --- Tommy Smothers
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

Resume bloopers: "While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility." Try the Salvation Army Thrift Shop. They are always looking for empty shirts. ------------- "I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award." Tell Greg not to apply here either. ------------- "Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job." If somebody calls you after 5:30, it will be a telemarketer. ------------- My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. Don't call us, we'll call you. ------------- I am very computer laterate both on Apple, Ipad and X-box and can sove most oficce chalenges. Once you beat the computer at Solitaire, try spelling. ------------- Very proficcient at all office procedures as long as I can use a computer and have acess to the net. I already have a facebook account and can upload any kind of file. Don't call before 11 am. Don't worry, we won't call after 11 am either.
The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?" "I outweighed him by sixty pounds and he was a coward."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nellie Marie Palacios, Santa Maria, 43, California A California woman, who was arrested for burglaring the home of an ex, murdering the cat and stealing stuff. Nellie Palacios, a 43-year-old California woman, was jailed Thursday after she broke into an ex-boyfriend's home and stabbed a cat to death. According to the Santa Barbara County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to an Orcutt residence at around 3:30 p.m. Thursday after a man called to report that his ex girlfriend had gone into a home and began removing several paintings from the walls. When deputies arrived at the residence, they detained Palacios at the scene while continuing to investigate why she was at the residence and what had transpired inside the home. Investigators say a search of the property turned up a cat that had been stabbed to death before it was placed inside a doghouse located in the yard. Deputies also recovered a knife from under the doghouse that was covered with blood and cat hair. Further investigation revealed that the house didn't belong to a cousin of her, as she claimed, but instead belonged to Palacios' ex-boyfriend. During questioning, Palacios told deputies that she stabbed the cat in self defense. Several paintings and other items that had been removed from the home were found inside her car. She was booked into the Santa Barbara County jail and charged with burglary and animal cruelty. Her bail has been set at $50,000. Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: How to get rid of "Conduit" hijacker? Dear Webby, Evidently I was not awake enough when I was installing some freeware on a couple of computers because when I looked at my browsers I had a tool bar for Conduit, so I removed it. However, now every time I restart the computers I get the message “ There was a problem starting C:\users\xxxxxx\AppData\Local\ Conduit\Background container\BackgroundContainer.dll.” I have tried everything in my limited knowledge to cure this problem, so I thought I would come to the expert and see if he has any thoughts. I am unsure of which site the problem occurred, because I was doing many downloads to update the computers. Please help. Thanks, Ron R Dear Ron Here is the information for getting rid of that Conduit infection: http://www.techsupportall.com/how-to-re ... it-search/ Tedious, but not difficult. You just have to be stubborn and wade through it all to the very end. I have a hunch, after that you will be extremely picky about which "freeware" you really need. Stuff like Conduit really give freeware a bad name. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easing Leg Cramps My legs tend to cramp at night. I tried elevating on a pillow but I always lost it at night. So I started putting my heavier reading pillow, the kind that fits behind you and props you up, under my legs at night. I never lose my pillow, and it has really helped with the leg cramp. By ann from Climax, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A missionary discovered a tribe of Indians in the Amazon, who had never recorded a baptism, confirm- ation or marriage. The missionary soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every couple that walked by and desired such. Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

This one is a Classic: After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. In contrast, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour, describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her waist, kissed her passionately and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat speechless. The marriage counselor looked over at the husband, who stared in disbelief. The counselor said to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied: "I can bring her over on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department. "We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said. "One guy missed his shot and hit a street light by accident." When I persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough." How do you know that?" I asked. "Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" she said. Two hours later the cat was back, meowing for breakfast.

» Schwerin Castle

Today, January 7, in
1558 Calais, the last English possession on mainland France, 
 was recaptured by the French.
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He 
 named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto.
1782 The Bank of North America opened in Philadelphia. It was 
 the first commercial bank in the United States.
1785 French aeronaut/balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard 
 successfully made the first air-crossing of the English 
 Channel from the English coast to France.
1789 Americans voted for the electors that would choose 
 George Washington to be the first U.S. president.
1887 Thomas Stevens completed the first worldwide bicycle 
 trip. He started his trip in April 1884. Stevens and his 
 bike traveled 13,500 miles in almost three years time.
1894 W.K. Dickson received a patent for motion picture film.
1896 "Fannie Farmer Cookbook" cookbook was published.
1904 The distress signal "CQD" was established. Two years 
 later "SOS" became the radio distress signal because it 
 was quicker to send by wireless radio.
1927 Transatlantic telephone service Service began between 
 New York and London. 31 calls were made on this first day.
1927 In Hinckley IL, the Harlem Globetrotters played their 
 first game.
1932 Chancellor Heinrich Brüning declared that Germany 
 cannot, and will not, resume reparations payments.
1942 The World War II siege of Bataan began.
1949 The announcement of the first photograph of genes was 
 shown at the University of Southern California, L.A.
1953 U.S. President Harry Truman announced the development 
 of the hydrogen bomb.
1954 The Duoscopic TV receiver was unveiled this day. The 
 TV set allowed the watching of two different shows at the 
 same time.
1959 The United States recognized Fidel Castro's new 
 government in Cuba.
1975 OPEC agreed to raise crude oil prices by 10%, which 
 began a time of world economic inflation.
1979 Vietnamese forces captured the Cambodian capital of 
 Phnom Penh, overthrowing the Khmer Rouge government.
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that 
 authorized $1.5 billion in loans for the bail out of 
 Chrysler Corp.
1989 Crown Prince Akihito became the emperor of Japan 
 following the death of his father, Emperor Hirohito.
1990 The Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed to the public. 
 The accelerated rate of "leaning" raised fears for the 
 safety of its visitors.
1996 One of the biggest blizzards in U.S. history hit 
 the eastern states. More than 100 deaths were later 
 blamed on the severe weather.
1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky signed an 
 affidavit denying that she had an affair with U.S. 
 President Clinton.
1999 U.S. President Clinton went on trial before the Senate. 
 It was only the second time in U.S. history that an 
 impeached president had gone to trial. Clinton was later 
 acquitted of perjury and obstruction of justice charges.
2002 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates introduced a new 
 device code named Mira. The device was tablet-like and 
 was a cross between a handheld computer and a TV remote 
 control.
2009 Russia shut off all gas supplies to Europe through 
 Ukraine. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin publicly endorsed 
 the move and urged greater international involvement in 
 the energy dispute.
2010 Apple's iPad was unveiled. 
2014  smiled.


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Sonic Activation Module alert 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, January 6.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a A Florida man who was arrested for giving dope, booze, cigarettes to minor, and letting him drive Details at International Bonehead Awards Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you. --- Don Marquis (1878 - 1937) A fellow doesn't last long on what he has done. He has to keep on delivering." --- Carl Hubbell
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

Thanks to Dianne for this one: A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy." Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say : "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy." At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice : "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William." Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says : "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad." "Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little bastard's name is Kevin."
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone . . . "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name and number before hanging up. The next morning, at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard called his neighbor back . . . "Good morning, Mr. Williams. I just called to tell you that I don't HAVE a dog."
Thanks to Terry for the picture of a sandpiper she caught at her creek yesterday. Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rusty Douglas Johnson, 41, Rockledge, Floriduh Arrested for giving dope, booze, cigarettes to minor, and letting him drive A Rockledge pair has been arrested after police say they gave a child marijuana, beer and cigarettes and then let the child drive a car, according to police documents. Rockledge Police would not release the name, age or sex of the child, who they say was under the care of the two people they arrested. Rusty Douglas Johnson, 41, and Kim Johnson, 32, were arrested Thursday and booked on charges of child abuse and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Police determined the child was given marijuana during four separate smoke sessions, according to the documents. While it sounds like a custody dispute with a vindictive ex, and the "child" being close to, but not quite 18, the law is very picky about those things. Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Sonic Activation Module alert Hi, Webby. For some reason that I can't fathom I have that silly "Sonic Activation Module" alert popping up once again. Why do I have it? How to get rid of it permanently? And do I need to have computer technician do it? On another front, how can I tell if my computer is Wireless compatible? Thanks for all your help. You're a lifesaver and have saved all of us lots of money. Good work, Wendy Dear Wendy That is due to either an incomplete installation of a Sonic program like Roxio or most DVD reader/writer programs, and many music programs, or an incomplete UNinstallation of one of those programs. The easiest way to fix that is to dig up the CDs, that came with your computer, look for anything related to DVD, sound, music,etc., and has the word Sonic on it somewhere. Then run the installation from that CD again, but don't stop half way through, even if it is rather tedious. The other method is to get the troubleshooter for Windows XP, Windows Vista, and Windows 7: Program Install and Uninstall Troubleshooter That might save you from having to search for the installation CD for that software, but is probably a bit tedious too. The easiest way to tell if your computer is wireless compatible is to contact the vendor, who sold you that machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Home made Checkers Board You can make your own checkers game by saving plastic milk bottle caps. You need two different colors, 12 checkers for each player. If all your bottle caps are the same color, color the top of half the caps with permanent marker. Then make a game board using a square piece of card board. Use a ruler to measure and draw squares with a marker. A checker board is 8 by 8 squares of alternating colors, the same as a chess board. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But, if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you..."
Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "Uh oh!" ------------- The "scientists" in the Antarctic, who believed Al Gore and in fudging figures more than actual instruments, and got stuck in real ice, that was not acting according to their wacky theories, got rescued by a Chinese helicopter ferrying them in small bunches first to the Chinese ice breaker, which is also stuck, and then from there to the Australian ice breaker, which is stuck too. The French ice breaker, that was going to show off it's awesome power, appears to have gotten North and South mixed up and is headed in the wrong direction. The biggest US ice breaker is now headed there, hoping to open a channel for the Australian and the Chinese ice breakers, before the local mid-summer wanes and the weather cools off. If theose ice breakers don't get out before it gets cold, they might be stuck there for years. I find that hilarious!

» Best Folk Songs

Today, January 6, in
0871 England's King Alfred defeated the Danes at the Battle 
 of Ashdown.
1205 Philip of Swabia was crowned as King of the Romans.
1453 Frederick III erected Austria into an Archduchy.
1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to Anne of 
 Cleves, his fourth wife.
1720 The Committee of Inquiry on the South Sea Bubble 
 published its findings.
1838 Samuel Morse publicly demonstrated the telegraph 
 for the first time.
1896 The first American women’s six-day bicycle race was 
 held at Madison Square Garden in New York City.
1900 In India, it was reported that millions of people were 
 dying from starvation.
1900 Off of South Africa, the British seized the German steamer 
 Herzog. The boat was released on January 22, 1900.
1930 The first diesel-engine automobile trip was completed 
 after a run of 792 miles, Indianapolis, to New York City, NY.
1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and 
 77,000 Allied casualties.
1950 Britain recognized the Communist government of China.
1967 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces launched a major 
 offensive, known as Operation "Deckhouse V", in the 
 Mekong River delta.
1987 After a 29-year lapse, the Ford Thunderbird was presented 
 with the Motor Trend Car of the Year Award. It was the first 
 occurrence of a repeat winner of the award.
1994 Figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed on the right leg 
 by an assailant at Cobo Arena in Detroit, MI. Four men were 
 later sentenced to prison for the attack, including Tonya 
 Harding's ex-husband.
1998 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect was launched into orbit 
 around the moon. The craft was crashed into the moon, in an 
 effort to find water under the lunar surface, on July 31, 1999.
2013  smiled.


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Pictures floating on a page 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, January 5.

Yes, I know, the voting is not working.
It never does at the begin of the year. Usually by about 
the 5th ot 6th of January the good people at the 
Ezinefinder have received enough complaints, that they
reset it for the current year. 

Since it affects ALL newsletters equally, it's not a big 
panic. I'll tell you when they got it fixed.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Speedy topless dope seller Details at International Bonehead Awards Too bad you were not here today. You would have almost laughed yourself a hernia. We got more snow last night and today I saw Billy with his green John Deere drive by, to do the neighbor's sidewalk. So I ran out to catch him. I usually wear shorts unless I go out. Well, I was sprinting from the deck towards 2nd Street, and in the light overcast with no shadows did not see the hip high snow drift half way to 2nd Street. When I hit that hip high dune at high speed, I went flying. Instant Angel. Yes, complete face plant. Even I had to laugh. Without my arms being able to touch ground, it was surprisingly difficult getting up. I did manage, though, waded through the dune and caught Billy. It sure would have looked funny, if anybody had watched, the way I went flying when I hit that snow drift! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work." --- Aristotle
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

We were all celebrating our friend's 80th birthday when the mail arrived. In the mail was a summons for my friend to appear for jury duty. My friend called the court clerk. "I received a jury duty summons, but I have an age exemption." The clerk said, "Ma'am, you need to fill out an exemption form to be granted the exemption." "I did that last year." "Ma'am, you have to do it every year." "Why? Are you worried I might get younger ?"
Is the bank account for a girdle business called a truss fund? Or is that stretching it a bit.
Thanks to Terry for the picture of a robin she caught at the creek yesterday. Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Claudia Salinas, 27, West Palm Beach, Floriduh Speedy topless dope seller arrested From NYDailyNews Claudia Salinas, a 27-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Monday after she was allegedly caught driving naked with cocaine and a large amount of cash in her car. According to the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office, Salinas was stopped by a deputy while driving in the area of Okeechobee Blvd and Baywinds Drive after she was caught driving 75 mph in a 25 mph zone. While approaching the vehicle, the deputy noticed that Salinas wasn't wearing a top and the car smelled like marijuana. The deputy asked Salinas to cover herself and then called in a drug detecting canine unit. Deputies searched Salinas' car after the dog alerted to the presence of drugs. Powdered cocaine, crack cocaine and $1,000 cash was recovered from the vehicle. She was booked into jail and charged with trafficking cocaine. Although she was released from jail, she was re-arrested Monday after violating the terms of her release. Tech Support Pits From: Carina Re: Floating pictures Dear Webby, How do I fix pictures of carvings, that I want to sell, into pictures where they float on the page, like in catalogs? Thanks Carina Dear Carina Dye a sheet with the exact same color as you have for your page background, or paint some plywood with that color. Then set up the items as far in front of that background as you can, and still have background margins on all sides. Take the pictures with a remote slave flash at least an arms length to the side and above the camera, just like old time photographers did with their flash pans. If you want warmer colors, use a 250 Watt Quartz worklight, and put some duck tape over your camera flash. With some cameras you can disable the flash from the menu. Once you have the pictures on the computer, use the Magic Wand selector and select the background. You may have to use fairly high tolerance to grab all the background, but be careful not to grab any of the foreground. Set the background color in your pallette to a solid color exactly the same as your page background color. Now, when you hit DELETE, the selected picture background is deleted and replaced with the page background. Next set the transparency to the background color. You may think you got the exact page color, but different browsers and monitors will show a slight difference. So just turn the background transparent. The reason we used closely related colors for the wall and the cut is because of the fuzzy anti-aliasing used to smooth the jaggies from the cut. If you ignore that, you will wind up with amateurish halos around your pictures. For an extra touch you can add a drop shadow. Use 50% more blur than offset. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dip-It to Clean Stainless Coffee Pots There is a product called Dip It - you just pour a package along with boiling water into the pot and all the YUK will float to the surface and inside is shiny steel! The Dip It powder works so much better than the cleaner they also offer - you can find it anywhere! By Villette R. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A woman went to her dentist to have her dentures adjusted for the fifth time. She said they still didn’t fit. “Well,” said the dentist “I’ll do it again this time, but no more. There’s no reason why these shouldn’t fit your mouth easily.” “Who said anything about my mouth?” the woman answered.“They don’t fit in the glass!”
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>Thanks to Dave for this story: Aaron came home from school one day, all banged up, bloodied, and bruised. His father asked him what on earth had happened. "Well, dad, it's like this," Aaron began. "I challenged Larry to a duel and you know how that goes...I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh huh," said the father. "That seems fair." "I know...but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked. "Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We'll get a new cat tomorrow."

» Balls

Today, January 5, in
1781 Richmond, VA, was burned by a British naval expedition 
 led by Benedict Arnold.
1885 The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to 
 offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation 
 of farm wagons on trains.
1896 It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm 
 Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that became 
 known as X-rays.
1900 In Ireland, Nationalist leader John Edward Redmond 
 called for a revolt against British rule.
1903 The general public could use the Pacific cable for 
 the very first time.
1914 Ford Motor Company announced that there would be a 
 new daily minimum wage of $5 and an eight-hour workday.
1933 Construction of the Golden Gate Bridge began.
1940 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) got its 
 very first demonstration of FM radio.
1956 In the Peanuts comic strip, Snoopy walked on two legs 
 for the first time.
1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon ordered the development 
 of the space shuttle.
1998 U.S. Representative Sonny Bono was murdered.
2002 A 15 year-old student pilot, Charles Bishop, crashed a 
 small plane into a building in Tampa, FL. Bishop was about 
 to begin a flying lesson when he took off without permission 
 and without an instructor.
2013  smiled.


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Don't frantically save during power problems! 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, January 4.

More goofy town names from James:
Study Butte, TX
Titcum Beach, OR
Oral, SD
Lesbos Island, Greece
Wet Beaver Creek, AZ
Assawoman Bay, DE
Blowtown, PA 
Bumpass, VA


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Florida hooker, who texted her offer to a cop Details at International Bonehead Awards
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nothing is stronger than habit. --- Ovid There is no nonsense so gross that society will not, at some time, make a doctrine of it and defend it with every weapon of communal stupidity. --- Robertson Davies Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy." --- Albert Einstein
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

>From Erin I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband. "What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?" He was exiled to the old couch in the garage.
Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University of Maine. To enforce that rule, the management posted this notice: "Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria." Next to it, a student added, "Socks can eat wherever they want."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Schquita Alaysha Warren, Pensacola Florida hooker arrested after texting offer to cop From NYDailyNews A Pensacola woman was arrested on prostitution charges after she accidentally solicited an Escambia County Sheriff’s investigator by cellphone, the Sheriff’s Office said. The investigator reportedly received a text from an unknown individual on his county-issued phone asking if he wanted to “have fun,” the release said. An investigation revealed the texts were from Schquita Alaysha Warren, 27, who reportedly believed that the number belonged to an acquaintance named “Sam,” the release said. Posing as Sam, the investigator arranged to meet with Warren at a local motel for paid sex, according to the report. At the motel, Warren was arrested and charged with prostitution. Tech Support Pits From: Dianne Re: AutoSave Dear Webby, In XP and W7 you can set programs to save automatically every five seconds. Dianne Dear Dianne Itis the saving during a power failure, that corrupts and trashes hard drives. Windows opens the File Allocation table to mark down the locations of the saved file. Since an edited file is usualy in many fragments all over, that is not a negigible or instant task. If the power goes out while the file allocation table is open, then most likely your hard drive is cooked. Dead. Please refrain from frantically saving while the power fizzles. I once lost a perfectly good hard drive that way. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dip-It to Clean Stainless Coffee Pots There is a product called Dip It - you just pour a package along with boiling water into the pot and all the YUK will float to the surface and inside is shiny steel! The Dip It powder works so much better than the cleaner they also offer - you can find it anywhere! By Villette R. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The 104-year-old building that had served as the priory and primary student residence of the small Catholic university where I work was about to be demolished. As the wrecker's ball began to strike, I sensed the anxiety and sadness ex- perienced by one of the older monks whose order had founded the college. "This must be difficult to watch, Father," I said. "The tradition associated with that building, the memories of all the students and monks who lived and worked there. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you." "It's worse than that," the monk replied. "I think I left my iPad in there."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

When I was visiting a friend who lived on the edge of a wilderness preserve, we drove along a rutted trail, and we saw a small creek ahead whose bridge was under water. "We have a serious beaver problem," our friend said. "They build dams that cause the creek to flood. Forest rangers take down the dams, and the beavers rebuild them." As we got closer, we could see a large scoreboard posted by the bridge. It read: BEAVERS 6 RANGERS 5
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The woman beside him peered over his shoulder, then reassured him, "It's okay. That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."

» Moonbeams

Today, January 4, in
1884 The socialist Fabian Society was founded in London.
1885 Dr. William Grant performed the first successful appendectomy.
1935 Bob Hope was heard for the first time on network radio
1936 The first pop music chart based on national sales was published 
 by "Billboard" magazine.
1944 The attack on Monte Cassino was launched by the British Fifth 
 Army in Italy.
1948 Britain granted independence to Burma.
1951 During the Korean conflict, North Korean and Communist Chinese 
 forces captured the city of Seoul.
1953 Tufted plastic carpeting was introduced by Barwick Mills.
1958 The Soviet satellite Sputknik I fell to the earth 
 from its orbit. The craft had been launched on 
 October 4, 1957.
1960 French author Albert Camus died in an automobile 
 accident at age 46.
1962 New York City introduced a train that operated without 
 conductors and motormen.
1965 The Fender Guitar Company was sold to CBS for 
 $13 million.
1974 U.S. President Nixon refused to hand over tape recordings 
 and documents subpoenaed by the Senate Watergate Committee.
1981 The Broadway show "Frankenstein" lost an estimated $2 M, 
 when it opened and closed on the same night.
1984 Wayne ‘The Great One’ Gretzky scored eight points 
 (four goals and four assists) for the second time in his 
 National Hockey League (NHL) career. Edmonton’s Oilers 
 defeated the Minnesota North Stars, 12-8. The game was 
 the highest-scoring NHL game to date.
1990 Deposed Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega was arraigned 
 in U.S. federal district court in Miami on drug-trafficking 
 charges.
1991 The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously to condemn 
 Israel's treatment of the Palestinians in the occupied 
 territories.
1997 The Greek Cypriot government signed an agreement to 
 buy S-300 surface-to-air missiles from Russia.
1999 A drifting Nicaraguan fishing boat was found by the 
 Norwegian oil tanker Joelm. The fisherman had been lost at 
 sea for 35 days after the engine of their vessel quit.
1999 Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura was sworn 
 in as Minnesota's 37th governor.
2006 Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the U.S. House of 
 Representatives, the first woman to hold the position.
2010 In Dubai, United Arab Emirates, the Burj Dubai 
 (Dubai Tower) opened as the world's tallest tower at 
 2,625 feet. 
2013  smiled.


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Should you try to save during power failurs? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, January 3.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!




Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a SC woman stabs fiancee over wedding color dispute Details at International Bonehead Awards
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my own country. I make up for lost time when I come home. --- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

>From Nanarina An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?' He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line." "This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now." "He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied. "Right now I'd say he's sheepish."
Thanks to Alianne for this: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Krysta James, 34, Blythewood, SC SC woman Krysta James, stabs fiance on Christmas in wedding colors fight From NYDailyNews COLUMBIA, S.C. — Richland County deputies say a 34-year-old woman stabbed her fiancé on Christmas Day after they argued over what colors should be used in their wedding. Investigators say the man was trying to leave a home near Blythewood after the argument when Krysta James attacked him around 8:30 p.m. Wednesday. Deputies say the man was stabbed in the upper body, but his injuries weren't life-threatening. James is charged with criminal domestic violence of a high and aggravated nature. She remains in jail on a $10,000 bond. The wedding may be postponed or off. Tech Support Pits From: Nellie Re: Saving during power failure Dear Webby, Is it true that you should not try to save stuff while the electricity is failing? I have a few seconds on my UPS to bridge short blips, but was told not to frantically try to save anything, in case the blip turns into a longer outage. What's the real story? Nellie Dear Nellie That advice is absolutely correct. If you are trying to save a long document or large spreadsheet and the write power fizzles out while saving, you most likely trash that document. At best, you will be able to re-use the oldest parts of it, but you most likely will miss the newest ones. If your data is important to you, get a UPS that can run your machine for a few minutes and allow you to properly save and shut down. Forget about the fakes built into power bars. They are only good for a second or two, less if you got something in every outlet of that power bar. With a real UPS plug ONLY the computer in, and maybe the monitor. If you can't do a formal save and shut-down by the light of the monitor, then get one of those $2.49 solar lawn lights. They won't take precious battery power from the UPS and give you plenty of light for an orderly shut-down. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Grocery List in Cell Phone I keep my grocery list on the "notepad" of my cell phone, so that when I go to the store, all I have to do is check on my phone to see what I need. No more forgotten grocery list at home. I always have my cell phone with me. By Pam from Pittsburgh, PA My dad told me that to keep his memory sharp, he memorizes his shopping list, without ever writing it down. He is 90+. So I am now doing the same. Initially I forgot the odd item, but I am getting better. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap. All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional had been watching. "What club should I use now?" he asked the pro. "I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Two men who work in the same office are talking about their sons who are in their first year of college. "You know," says one, "my boy's letters nowadays always send me to the dictionary." "You're lucky," says the other. "My son's letters always send me to the bank."
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" His wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."

» Moonbeams

Today, January 3, in
1496 References in Leonardo da Vinci notebooks suggested 
 that he tested his flying machine. The test didn't succeed 
and he didn't try to fly again for several years.
1521 Pope Leo X excommunicated Martin Luther.

1777 The Battle of Princeton took place in the War of 
 Independence, in which George Washington defeated the British 
 forces, led by Cornwallis.
1823 Stephen F. Austin received a grant from the Mexican 
 government and began colonization in the region of the 
 Brazos River in Texas.
1833 Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands in the 
 South Atlantic. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the 
 islands from the British, but Britain took them back after 
 a 74-day war.
1868 The Shogunate was abolished in Japan and Meiji dynasty 
 was restored.
1871 Henry W. Bradley patented oleomargarine.
1888 The drinking straw was patented by Marvin C. Stone.
1924 English explorer Howard Carter discovered the sarcophagus 
of Tutankhamen in the Valley of the Kings, near Luxor, Egypt.
1925 In Italy, Mussolini announced that he would take 
 dictatorial powers.
1947 In Trenton, NJ, Al Herrin, passed away at age 92. He had 
 claimed that he had not slept at all during his life.
1957 The Hamilton Watch Company introduced the first electric 
 wrist watch.
1959 In the U.S., Alaska became the 49th state.
1961 The U.S. severed diplomatic relations with Cuba.
1962 Pope John XXIII excommunicated Cuban prime minister 
 Fidel Castro.
1980 Conservationist Joy Adamson, author of "Born Free," 
 was killed in northern Kenya by a servant.
1990 Ousted Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega surrendered to 
 U.S. forces, 10 days after taking refuge in the Vatican's 
 diplomatic mission.
1993 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Russian President 
 Boris Yeltsin signed the second Strategic Arms Reduction 
 Treaty (START) in Moscow.
1998 China announced that it would spend $27.7 billion to 
 fight erosion and pollution in the Yangtze and Yellow river
 valleys.
1999 Israeli authorities detained, and later expelled, 14 
 members of Concerned Christians. Israili officials claimed 
 that the Denver, CO based cult was plotting violence in 
 Jerusalem to bring about the Second Coming of Christ.
2000 Charles M. Schulz's final original daily comic strip 
 appeared in newspapers.
2004 NASA's Spirit rover landed on Mars. The craft was able 
 to send back black and white images three hours after 
 landing.
2013  smiled.


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How to get pictures from CD to email and FB ? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, January 2.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a California man, who falls off Bay bridge after allegedly attempting to throw wife off it. Details at International Bonehead Awards
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It's a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation. --- Roberto Benigni
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. The head nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" The head nurse said, "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" The patient said, "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
"The first thing I did after being hired as the director of learning technology at a high school was to change the sign outside my door -- the one that had my name followed by the acronym D.O.L.T."
Thanks to Alianne for this: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Xavier McClinton, 47, of Mill Valley, California California man, who falls off Bay bridge after allegedly attempting to throw wife off it. From NYDailyNews A California man who plunged from a San Francisco Bay bridge was trying to throw his wife off when he went over himself instead, according to a prosecutor. Authorities say Xavier McClinton, 47, of Mill Valley, was driving over the San Mateo-Hayward Bridge with his wife of eight years when he began violently crashing his car in an attempt to go over the edge, NBC reports. When the vehicle hit a barrier and could go no further, McClinton allegedly grabbed the mother of his three children and forcefully pulled her out of the car. His wife, identified as Nadia McClinton, was then narrowly tossed over the edge where Good Samaritans were able to grab her legs and hold on. McClinton, however, went over, falling about 15 feet into the water. He was rescued by the U.S. Coast Guard and arraigned on one felony count each of attempted murder and domestic violence. His wife was treated for a severe gash on the side of her mouth that required stitches. Investigators say Xavier McClinton in recent days had been showing signs of paranoia before the terrifying attack, CBS reported. San Mateo County District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe said McClinton feared that people were trying to break into his home and kill him. The 47-year-old father contacted authorities about his irrational behavior just two days before the attack and submitted to a mental health evaluation, Mercury News reported. He was deemed not a danger to himself before being released. He's being held without bail. Tech Support Pits From: Wayne Re: Loading pictures onto email and FB Dear Webby, Just got a new computer [new to me] .. I am a newbie.. to this, but was shown your site where you offered some limited advice on PCs.. I want to find out just how to load photos onto email or a web site. I have photos on a CD.. from drug store.. and would like to send them to someone or post them on Facebook. Will you help me.. I need a step by step approach, please. Thanks, Wayne Dear Wayne The first step is to get a graphics program, if you haven't got one. I use PaintShopPro since the 1980s , but nowadays there are tons of free ones available. Try a few and settle on one, that you are comfortable with. Then reduce the 3 acre pictures from the drugstore to a practical size, that you can use in email and FaceBook. You would for example, reduce a family portrait from 4000 x 3000 to 600 x 480 Save the reduced picture under a short, descriptive name, with no brainless empty spaces in the file name. Some programs can cope with brainless empty spaces, but many can't. After that, you can drag them into emails, or copy them while showing in the graphics program, and paste them into emails. With FaceBook start a message, then click on PHOTO, click on the wire frame that shows, and then browse to the picture. That is where the descriptive name, that you gave it instead of the long number from the drugstore, will come in handy. That is all there is to it. When you are comfortable with this, then we go to retrieving the pictures straight into the computer, without going to the drugstore. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Bacon Cooking bacon in the oven allows you to cook large quantities of bacon quickly. Just line a cookie sheet with aluminum foil and lay your bacon flat. Cook at 400 degrees F for 15 to 20 minutes. Remember to turn on the vent hood, just like you would if you cooked the bacon on the stove top. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
There are three religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "We don't need anyone" they replied. "You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!" "Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job." He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00. "How in the world did you do that ?" they asked. "I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!" "Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him. "What's that?" he asked. "Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples." Morris was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says "Here's Mr.Brown's and this one is Mr.Smith's." "Thats good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?" "Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a state teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"

» Avians Aloft

Today, January 2, in
1492 The leader of the last Arab stronghold in Spain 
 surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to King Ferdinand II 
 and Queen Isabella I.
1788 Georgia became the 4th state to ratify the U.S. 
 Constitution.
1842 In Fairmount, PA, the first wire suspension bridge 
 was opened to traffic.
1859 Erastus Beadle published "The Dime Book of 
 Practical Etiquette."
1872 Brigham Young, the 71-year-old leader of the Mormon 
 Church, was arrested on a charge of bigamy. He had 25 wives.
1890 Alice Sanger became the first female White House staffer.
1900 The Chicago Canal opened.
1917 Royal Bank of Canada took over the Quebec Bank.
1935 Bruno Richard Hauptmann went on trial for the 
 kidnap-murder of Charles Lindberghs baby. Hauptmann was 
 found guilty and executed.
1942 The Philippine capital of Manila was captured by 
 Japanese forces during World War II.
1955 Panamanian President Jose Antonio Remon assassinated.
1960 U.S. Sen. John F. Kennedy of Massachusetts announced 
 his candidacy for the Democratic presidential nomination.
1968 Fidel Castro announced petroleum and sugar rationing 
 in Cuba.
1971 In the U.S., a federally imposed ban on television 
 cigarette advertisements went into effect.
1974 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon signed a bill requiring 
 all states to lower the maximum speed limit to 55 MPH. The 
 law was intended to conserve gasoline supplies during an 
 embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries. Federal 
 speed limits were abolished in 1995.
1996 AT&T announced that it would eliminate 40,000 jobs over 
three years.
1998 Russia began circulating new rubles in effort to keep 
inflation in check and promote confidence. 
2013  smiled.


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Getting rid of download files 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, January 1.



Click through for full size


Thank you Lillemor!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Florida woman who was Jailed After Assaulting Boyfriend When He Refused To Cuddle With Her Details at International Bonehead Awards Re the Gmail malfunction and "DANGEROUS" flag: >From Doug: Your letter wasn't being sent to 'spam. It was being flagged jn my inbox with a 'dangerous' flag/banner in the letter, and the images and color blocked. I removed the promotion 'label' gmail gave your letter, and added your address to my contacts list, last night. This morning's letter came through without the red 'dangerous' flag, and all the images and color came through. Such is life dealing with nerds trying to help my world. All-in-all, they filter 95% of the spam, protect my world, but the 'better ideas' slay me. Happy New Year to you and your loved ones. Keep safe and take care of yourself. Cheers, Doug. Thanks Doug!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. --- Herbert Spencer Never believe anything until it has been officially denied. --- Claud Cockburn (1904 - 1981)
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

Customer: "My computer crashed!" Tech Support: "It crashed?" Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game." Tech Support: "All right, hit Sart, Restart." Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed." Tech Support: "Huh?" Customer: "I crashed my game.That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work." Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'" Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and shovel for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" the friend asked. "Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering whack with the shovel. Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this: Click on the picture for the large version Aetna
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shavonna Rumph, 31, Manatee County, Floriduh Jailed After Assaulting Boyfriend When He Refused To Cuddle With Her Shavonna Rumph, a 31-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Saturday after she allegedly assaulted her boyfriend because he refused to "cuddle" with her. According to the Manatee County Sheriff's office, Shavonna and her boyfriend had been drinking Saturday night when Shavonna expressed that she was in the mood for some "cuddling" when the couple settled down to sleep. An argument ensued when the boyfriend, 33-year-old Henry Price, refused to cuddle with Shavonna. The dispute turned physical when Shavonna grabbed Henry's shirt, causing it to tear. When Henry attempted to leave the residence, Shavonna dragged a table in front of the door to prevent him from leaving. When that failed to deter Henry from leaving, Shavonna allegedly grabbed a kitchen knife and threatened Henry with it. During questioning, Shavonna admitted to grabbing Henry by the shirt when he refused to "cuddle" with her but denied threatening him with a knife. She was booked into the Manatee County Jail and charged with battery domestic violence. Tech Support Pits From: Loretta Re: Getting rid of old download files Dear Webby, I believe I read somewhere that after updates to programs had been received and installed, then those updates could be deleted and one would have more space on the computer. Is that true, and if so, how do I do it? Loretta Dear Loretta If you are reasonably disciplined and always download updates into a download directory, for example C:\downloads, then it is easy. Then you just clean out that folder. However, if you don't pay attention and just download them to anywhere, then it becomes almost impossible. Usually, the downloads don't amount to very much, since they are zipped up or compressed in some fashion. If you are so cramped for space that deleting the download files would make a significant difference, then you are way overdue for a bigger hard drive. You can hunt down ".zip" files and delete those. CrapCleaner also makes extra space for you. You can download CrapCleaner from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lemon Air Freshener To freshen the air in your kitchen, especially after cooking fish or cabbage, place a whole, unpeeled lemon in a 300 degree F oven for about 15 minutes, leaving the door slightly open. Turn off the oven and let the lemon cool before removing it. You can also boil lemon rind in water for a citrus scent. If you use the whole lemon make a pot of lemon tea after removing it from the oven by placing the lemon (sliced) into boiling water and add sugar as needed. By joesgirl Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes and in that time, you can do anything you want." With a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking knowingly. Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A group of American tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Europe. "This place," the guide told them, "is 1600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years." "Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have."
The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions. At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does anyone here think they are without sin?" He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of the back pews stood up. The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand after such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are completely without sin?" The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for myself, but for my wife's first husband."

» Who would have guessed?
Wishing you
a
Frantic Foist!
from Dianne!

Click on the picture for full size

Today, January 1, in
0404 The last gladiator competition was held in Rome, an early
 form of all-star wrestling.
1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning of 
 the New Year (instead of March 25th).
1772 The first traveler's checks were issued in London.
1797 Albany became the capital of New York state, replacing 
 New York City.
1801 The Act of Union of England and Ireland came into force.
1801 Italian astronomer Giuseppe Piazzi became the first person 
 to discover an asteroid. He named it Ceres.
1804 Haiti gained its independence.
1808 The U.S. prohibited import of slaves from Africa.
1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, 
 which declared that all slaves in the rebel states were free.
1887 Queen Victoria was proclaimed empress of India in Delhi.
1892 Ellis Island Immigrant Station formally opened in New York.
1894 The Manchester Ship Canal was officially opened to traffic.
1898 Manhattan, the Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens and Staten Island 
 were consolidated into New York City.
1901 The Commonwealth of Australia was founded. Lord Hopetoun 
 officially assumed the duties as the first Governor-General.
1902 The first Tournament of Roses (later the Rose Bowl) 
 collegiate football game was played in Pasadena, CA.
1909 The first payments of old-age pensions were made in 
 Britain. People over 70 received five shillings a week.
1913 The post office began parcel post deliveries.
1924 Frank B. Cooney received a patent for ink paste.
1926 The Rose Bowl was carried coast to coast on network 
 radio for the first time.
1934 Alcatraz Island officially became a Federal Prison.
1956 Sudan gained its independence.
1958 The European Economic Community (EEC) started operations.
1959 Fidel Castro overthrew the government of Fulgencio Batista, 
 and seized power in Cuba.
1968 Evel Knievel, stunt performing daredevil, lost control 
 of his motorcycle midway through a jump of 141 feet over 
 the ornamental fountains in front of Caesar’s Palace in 
 Las Vegas.
1971 Tobacco ads representing $20 million dollars in 
 advertising were banned from TV and radio broadcast.
1973 Britain, Ireland, Denmark and Norway joined the EEC.
1975 The magazine "Popular Electronics" announced the 
 invention of a personal computer called Altair. MITS, 
 using an Intel microprocessor, developed the computer.
1979 The United States and China held celebrations in 
 Washington, DC, and Beijing to mark the establishment 
 of diplomatic relations between the two countries.
1981 Greece joined the European Community.
1984 AT&T was broken up into 22 Bell System companies under 
 terms of an antitrust agreement with the U.S. Federal 
 government.
1986 Spain and Portugal joined the European Community (EC).
1987 A pro-democracy rally took place in Beijing's Tiananmen 
 Square (China).
1993 Czechoslovakia split into two separate states, the 
 Czech Republic and Slovakia. The peaceful division had 
 been engineered in 1992.
1994 The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) went 
 into effect.
1995 The World Trade Organization came into existence. The 
 group of 125 nations monitors global trade.
1998 A new anti-smoking law went into effect in California. 
 The law prohibiting people from lighting up in bars.
1999 In California, a law went into effect that defined 
 "invasion of privacy as trespassing with the intent to capture 
 audio or video images of a celebrity or crime victim engaging 
 in a personal or family activity." 
2013  smiled.


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Ancestry Programs 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, December 31.

How are your resolutions coming along?
Are you going to have one ready, in case somebody asks you?
if you don't, they WILL ask you!





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Thank you Claude!
Please send me your email address!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a fake cop in Floriduh, who got caught the second time for pulling over a real cop. Details at International Bonehead Awards A few subscribers got a wacky notice from Gmail about HTML emails being used to steal information. Don't worry. The sniveling ninnies attach that to some HTML based mails. Feel free to tell them to grow up. The DearWebby Humor Letter has been in HTML format for almost twenty years and does not harvest any private information. Maybe they want you to learn how to make filters to exclude legitimate mail from their sniveling. If YOU got that silly warning, tell them they are being a silly nuisance and to stop that nonsense. Hilarious news from the Antarctic: Gullible Warming "scientists" on the Russian ship MV Akademik Shokalskiy,trying to prove that manmade CO2 causes Gullible Warming, ahem Climate Change, are stuck in the ice. A big, huge Chinese icebreaker trying to get to them, is now ALSO stuck. A French and an Australian icebreaker are heading towards them. They hope to at least get the Chinese icebreaker loose. It is mid summer in the Antarctic, and going to cool off soon. Those "scientists", pretending to be able to predict the climate for the next 300 years, apparently failed to predict the climate a week ahead. I could have told them. Look what happened in the early 70's. Due to cycles, we got a replay. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Never believe anything until it has been officially denied. --- Claud Cockburn (1904 - 1981)
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

The Math Professor. posed this problem: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-third is to go to his son from his first marriage, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" A student in the back of the room answered, "A lawyer?"
An eighty-five-year-old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly as a result of her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and a master bath suite with a sauna and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to new one that represented one of the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply: "This is heaven; you play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven; it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old woman asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part: You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is heaven." With that, the old man threw down his hat, stomped on it, and shrieked wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your stoopid bran muffins, we could have been here twenty years ago!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this: Click on the picture for the large version ANTARCTICA-SHIP-stuck-in-global-warming
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Johnathan Stevens, 24, in Tampa, Floriduh Fake cop jailed for pulling over real cop Reported by Tom A Manatee County man has been charged with impersonating a police officer. Police say 24-year-old Jonathan Stevens was arrested in Tampa over the weekend after flagging down a police officer. He had flashing red and blue lights on his SUV, and had a gun and a badge around his neck. "The officer was suspicious. It just didn't seem right to her," said TPD spokesperson Andrea Davis. Stevens' car was not from a government agency, and he was not a government employee. Police say he admitted to making the whole thing up, and it's not the first time. In September, the Manatee Sheriff's Office says he pulled over a driver in the parking lot of the Ellenton Outlets. He also faces charges related to that incident. Tech Support Pits From: Maggie Re: Family Tree Maker Dear Webby: do you have a family tree maker? maggie maggie Dear Maggie Three subscribers responded: From Leon Either of the following are good programs, I have used both and am pleased with them: "Family Tree Maker" "Roots Magic" They are both user friendly and easy to use. Leon ------- From Jessie Hi Dear Webby, I've used Family Tree Maker for genealogy over 15 years. It's easy to use and offers help if you have a problem. I've tried other programs, but have better luck with FTM than any others. Jessie -------- From Noella Regarding ancestry programs: My mom was very much into geneaology for many, many years and she used PAF (Personal Ancestral File). As I googled to find the website, I notice it is still available, but will no longer have "support" services. There are three alternative programs suggested on their page. The site is run by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and is FREE. According to her it is the best around as the church members have been into geneaology for many, many, many years. https://familysearch.org/paf Noella Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Mop And Glo To Shine Your Old Car First of all, do not try this on any car that you care about! I had an old, old Toyota and the paint was very dull and had lost it's shine. I tried something very simple to renew the shine. I used Mop and Glo on it and, wow, what a shine. I know my neighbors thought I was crazy, but it worked and looked good. By Jackie from Orlando, FL Yes, sure it works, just make sure you thoroughly scrub it perfectly clean first. Does wonders on fake leather dash too. Don't use it to clean, just to seal cleaned surfaces and make them shine. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Hey, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but you've heard of a widower marrying again, haven't you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Judi had just returned to the United States from a month-long trip to Europe. She'd been to England, France, Spain, Italy, Germany, and Switzerland. Bob met her at the airline gate, hugged her, and asked, "So, how was your trip?" "Oh, it was terrible,." she replied, "The scenery was nice, but the whole place is just full of foreigners."
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their truck. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guywas right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther away from the truck."

» To Next Year
Wishing you
a
Frantic Foist!
from Dianne!

Click on the picture for full size

Today, December 31, in
1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape 
 of Good Hope, where they would later create the South 
 African wine industry with the vines they took with 
 them on the voyage.
1695 The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted 
 in many windows being bricked up.
1775 The British repulsed an attack by Continental Army 
 generals Richard Montgomery and Benedict Arnold at Quebec. 
 Montgomery was killed in the battle.
1857 Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the 
 capital of Canada.
1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of 
 incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ.
1891 New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis 
 Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive 
 numbers of arrivals.
1923 In London, the BBC first broadcast the chimes of Big Ben.
1929 Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played "Auld Lang Syne" 
 as a New Year's Eve song for the first time.
1946 U.S. President Truman officially proclaimed the end of 
 hostilities in World War II.
1955 General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to 
 earn more than one billion dollars in a single year.
1960 The farthing coin, which had been in use in Great 
 Britain since the 13th century, ceased to be legal tender.
1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold 
 for the first time in more than 40 years.
1978 Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final 
 time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The event 
 marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S.
1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the 
 start of 1979.
1997 Michael Kennedy, 39-year-old son of the late U.S. Sen. 
 Robert F. Kennedy, was killed in a skiing accident on 
 Aspen Mountain in Colorado.
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime Minister 
 Vladimir Putin was designated acting president.
1999 Sarah Knauss died at the age of 119 years. She was the 
world's oldest person. She was born September 24, 1880. 
2013  smiled.


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Family Tree Maker 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, December 30.

Thank you Claude!
Please send me your email address!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Florida woman, who set her ex-fiance's house on fire Details at International Bonehead Awards How are your resolutions coming along? Are you going to have one ready, in case somebody asks you? if you don't, they WILL ask you! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost. --- Russell Baker (1925 - ) Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of authority. --- Thomas H. Huxley
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

A man walked into a bar and with a disconcerted look on his face immediately called out, "Who is the owner of that Saint Bernard tied up outside?" Another man looked over and replied, "It's mine. His name's Rudy. Why do you ask?" The first man walked up to him, put an arm on his shouldner and said, "I'm sorry, but my dog just killed your dog." The owner of the dog was shocked. "Are you kidding me?! It's a Saint Bernard! That dog is huge! He's bigger than my car!" The first man nodded in agreement and then said: "Well, he choked on my Chihuahua."
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank!" Customer: "Well, okay, if you insist. Just thought you'd like to know you gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jill Marie Batchelor, 48, Rockledge, Floriduh a Florida woman, who set her ex-fiance's house on fire A 48-year-old woman who police say was annoyed by her ex-fiancé’s request for her to leave his house by New Year’s, remains jailed on charges she deliberately set off a Christmas Day fire in front of her children that gutted the man’s home. No one – including the woman’s 14-year-old son and family pets - was injured in the fire. Jill Marie Batchelor, of Rockledge, was charged with first-degree arson and child abuse after Rockledge Police were called to a home at 1044 Bernice Rd., to investigate a disturbance. Rockledge firefighters were also called out to douse the flames and smoke that spread through the home. “I’m told that nothing was salvageable and that the home was seriously damaged,” said Donna Seyferth, spokeswoman for the Rockledge Police Department. Police say Batchelor’s boyfriend has told her several days before that she would have to leave the home and find somewhere else to live. On Christmas morning, the man, ‘left the house to stave off any problems, and avoid being blamed for any expected violence' police said. Police, however, said Batchelor, identified by the butterfly tattoo on her knee, was at the home about 9 a.m. and was seen by at least one witness lighting matches and throwing them on the floor of the home. Batchelor also stacked up a pile of stuff, set them on fire and added more to the rising flames before it grew out of control, police said. Police are also familiar with Batchelor, Seyferth said. Batchelor was taken to the Brevard County Detention Center in Sharpes where she remains under a special watch, records show. She will go before a judge for a first appearance on Friday. Tech Support Pits From: Maggie Re: Family Tree Maker Dear Webby: do you have a family tree maker? maggie maggie Dear Maggie Unfortunately, I don't. But that reminds me of a story my dad told me about 50 years ago. Seems he overheard some kid telling his father that he had learned in school that people were descendants of apes. Apparently the father blew up and yelled at his kid: "Nonsense! YOU might have decended from an ape, but I sure didn't!" If any of you have a program that you can recommend to Maggie for enumerating who climbed down from the tree whith whom, and who descended from that, please send me the info and I'll list it here. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Jars for Drinking Glasses After pricing drinking glasses in the store, I bought a case of a dozen pint canning jars for about 1/3 the cost. I enjoy the "country" look, and can use the jars next fall to can. By Sandra Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Marnie Dear Webby, can you please bring that bricklayer's accident report again? I was hoping you would without me asking, but I think I waited long enough. I am getting on in years, ya know. Marnie Dear marni Sure! Here it is: Accident Report Form I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using a pully, which fortunately was attached to the building at the 6th floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident Reporting Form, that I weigh 145 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence-of-mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a high rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, I met the barrel coming down--this explains the fractured skull and broken collar bone. Slowed, only so slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my hand were 2 knuckles deep into the pully. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence-of-mind, and was able to hold tightly to the rope inspite of my increasing pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottem fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 3, and as you might imagine--I began a rapid decent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, yes, I met the barrel coming up, this accounts for the 2 fractured ankles, and the lacerations on my legs and lower body.... The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only 3 vertebrae were cracked.... I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel 6 stories above me, I again lost my presence-of-mind, and let go of the rope. The empty barrel weighed more than the rope--so it came down on me and broke both my legs.... I trust I have furnished you the information you require as to how this accident occurred
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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>Thanks to Chris for this story: My wife and her friend were talking about their labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway. Her friend said, "I love my new garage-door opener." "I love mine too," my wife replied, and she honked the horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage.
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."

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Today, December 30, in
1460 At the Battle of Wakefield, in England's Wars of the 
 Roses, the Duke of York was defeated and killed by the 
 Lancastrians.
1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of 
 land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase.
1880 The Transvaal was declared a republic. Paul Kruger 
 became its first president.
1887 A petition to Queen Victoria with over one million 
 names of women appealing for public houses to be closed 
 on Sundays was handed to the home secretary.
1903 About 600 people died when fire broke out at the 
 Iroquois Theater in Chicago, IL.
1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was formed.
1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galactic 
 systems.
1927 The first subway in the Orient was dedicated in Tokyo
1935 Italian bombers destroyed a Sweedish Red Cross unit 
 in Ethiopia.
1936 The United Auto Workers union staged its first sit-down 
 strike, at the Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI.
1940 California's first freeway was officially opened. It was 
 the Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles and Pasadena.
1944 King George II of Greece proclaimed a regency to rule 
 his country, virtually renouncing the throne.
1947 King Michael of Romania abdicated in favor of a 
 Communist Republic. He claimed he was forced from his throne.
1953 The first color TV sets went on sale for about $1,175.
1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of North Vietnam.
1993 Israel and the Vatican established diplomatic relations.
2013  smiled.


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Phony Notice to appear 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, December 29.
No more Sundays after this one 
for the whole rest of the year!

Thank you Claude!


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an idiot, who huffed compressed air, and plowed into cars parked at restaurant Details at International Bonehead Awards Have FUN! DearWebby
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There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. --- Doctor Who
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist.

Two friends were driving to the store and on the way, they came upon an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red, but the driver went right through the red light. The passenger screamed at the driver, "What are you doing? You're going to get us killed!" The drive said, "Don't worry, my mother always drives like this." Later on, they came to another stoplight which was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, "I thought I told you, you're gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!" The driver said, "All right! I get it, but I told you my mother drives like this all the time." They came to another intersection, but this time the light was green. The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car completely. The passenger yelled, "What are you doing now? This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?" The driver said, "My mother might be coming the other way."
One day, a man got drunk in a bar and started a fight. The police came and took the drunk man to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked him, "Where do you work?" The man said, "Here and there." The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?" The man said, "This and that." Then the judge said, "Take him away." The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?" The judge laughed and said, "Sooner or later"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew Jonathan Ecker, 23, Boynton Beach, Floriduh an idiot, who huffed compressed air, and plowed into cars parked at restaurant A man police say was driving dopey on compressed air plowed through bushes and crashed into three cars parked in a TGI Friday's parking lot Monday, according to a Boynton Beach Police arrest report. Police said Andrew Jonathan Ecker, 23, who has no fixed address, was heading north on North Congress Avenue just south of Old Boynton Road at about 11 p.m. when he veered off the road. He passed out after "huffing" a compressed air can, then drove over a sidewalk, through bushes and into the parked cars in the restaurant parking lot at 382 N. Congress Ave., according to the report. An officer at the scene said he found Ecker in the driver's seat of the still running blue 2007 BMW 328XI, which had its air bag deployed. Boynton Beach Fire Rescue gave Ecker first aid but said he refused to be taken to a hospital, insisting he was fine. First responders took him to Bethesda Memorial Hospital anyway, because they believed he possibly had a head injury. Police said Ecker refused to give a blood, breath or urine sample after being asked twice. Under the driver's seat, an officer discovered the compressed air can. A records check revealed Ecker's driver's license had been suspended after an unpaid traffic ticket, according to the report. The officer said Ecker told him he left Walmart and was on his way to the Ashley Lake Development in Boynton Beach when he started huffing the compressed air can and passed out. Ecker awoke to find police and bystanders asking him if he was okay. He faces inhaling a harmful chemical substance and driving on a suspended license charges and was booked into Palm Beach County Jail where he is held in lieu of $1,500 bail. ----------------------- I have long lost track of how many times I have thundered against those stoopid compressed air cans. They are totally useless and if there are idiots around, they will abuse them. For cleaning purposes they are totally moronic. Why would anybody blow any dirt or dust into harder to reach places? DUH! Those cans don't have just air in them. They have a low grade waste refrigerant in there as a propellant. When the pressure in the can drops, it evaporates and adds itself to the air. That refrigerat production waste product does not produce a high when huffed, not like the Nitrous Oxide in whipped cream cans. All it does is make the huffer pass out. For morons that twilight on the edge of passing out, similar to the relaxed feeling on the edge of falling asleep after a hard day's work, is the substitute for a real high, that the idiots are after. Unlike falling asleep in bed or on the couch, getting hammered with a refrigerant production waste product, causes brain damage. Considering that only real idiots huff those compressed air cans, letting those real idiots make themselves even dumber is pretty stoopid too. Here those cans are outlawed, and as far as I am concerned, they should be outlawed everywhere. If you see any of those "Compressed Air" cans, pitch a temper tantrum at whoever bought them, and trash the cans. Tech Support Pits From: Christina Re: Notice to appear Dear Webby, I keep getting these notices to appear in a court in New York, and that I am supposed to download court forms and fill them out. I remember you telling me, if anything is suspicious and I don't really and absolutely need it, to dump it. I have never been anywhere near New York, neither the town nor the state, so it seems phony. What do you recommend? Christina Dear Christina Most of us get that phony crap. Just dump the attached zip file into the trash, and then use CrapCleaner to dump the recycle bin. If you hover the mouse over that attachment in the email, the status line should show you WHERE the attachment is parked. I use Eudora, and have it set to put all attachments into the ! folder on the removable USB drive. That makes it easy to find craap like that. I sort that folder by date, and it is right on top. Some sneaky stuff comes with a forged older date, to hide way down. So I sort by name and get it that way, or by type. Zip files are at the bottom, and easy to dump. No matter what method you use, go after that attachment and nuke it. Then dump the email. Don't waste time replying. The address is probably phony anyway. Just dump it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Condensation from Car Windows When your windshield steams up on you, a clean blackboard eraser kept in the glove compartment of your car or truck can be quite handy for wiping off the moisture. The eraser is less bulky than a cloth and doesn't shed lint on the glass. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Before entering a tunnel it is important to open a side window or crank up hot air to the windshield. Most tunnels are a bit cooler and tend to cause some fogging of your windshield. Be prepared for that to happen to other drivers and them suddenly slowing down or doing silly stuff, like searching for anything to wipe their windshield. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
In England they use 999 instead of 911. In December they usually experience a 15% increase in fake emergency calls. A woman in a nightclub phoned for an ambulance after breaking a fingernail. Another woman dialed 999 saying a mouse had swallowed her medicine. Other calls included a man who needed someone to change the television channel, a man who had a dream he was unconscious and had collapsed and a caller who wanted a can of pop out of the fridge. They were among thousands of timewasters revealed to have blocked 999 lines. The North East Ambulance Service also highlighted the growing number of revellers who call an ambulance to save queuing for taxis. They fake injury then wrongly assume ambulance staff will take them home after treatment. "One was from a woman who said her boyfriend was drunk and she needed help to get him upstairs to bed. Another was from someone who wanted us to deliver a takeaway to them."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

"Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?" "No, but that didn't keep her from screaming for two hours."
Being a husband is like any other job . . . It helps a lot if you like the boss.

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Wishing you
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Frantic Foist!
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Today, December 29, in
1170 St. Thomas ŕ Becket, the 40th archbishop of Canterbury, 
 was murdered in his own cathedral by four knights acting 
 on Henry II's orders.
1812 The USS Constitution won a battle with the British ship 
 HMS Java about 30 miles off the coast of Brazil. Before 
 Commodore William Bainbridge ordered the sinking of the 
 Java he had her wheel removed to replace the one the 
 Constitution had lost during the battle.
1813 The British burned Buffalo, NY, during the War of 1812.
1837 Canadian militiamen destroyed the Caroline, a U.S. 
 steamboat docked at Buffalo, NY.
1848 U.S. President James Polk turned on the first gas 
 light at the White House.
1860 The HMS Warrior, Britain's first seagoing iron-hulled 
 warship, was launched.
1890 The U.S. Seventh Cavalry massacred over 400 men, 
 women and children at Wounded Knee Creek, SD. This was 
 the last major conflict between Indians and U.S. troops.
1895 The Jameson Raid from Mafikeng into Transvaal, which 
 attempted to overthrow Kruger's Boer government, started.
1911 Sun Yat-sen became the first president of a 
 republican China.
1913 "The Unwelcome Throne" was released by Selig’s 
 Polyscope Company. This was a moving picture and the 
 first serial motion picture.
1934 Japan renounced the Washington Naval Treaty of 
 1922 and the London Naval Treaty of 1930.
1940 During World War II, Germany began dropping 
 incendiary bombs on London.
1952 The first transistorized hearing aid was offered 
 for sale by Sonotone Corporation.
1975 A bomb exploded in the main terminal of New York's 
 LaGuardia Airport. 11 people were killed.
1986 The Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables, FL, reopened 
 for business after eighteen years and $47 million 
 expended on restoration.
1989 Following Hong Kong's decision to forcibly repatriate 
 some Vietnamese refugees, thousands of Vietnamese 
 'boat people' battled with riot police.
1996 The Guatemalan government and leaders of the leftist 
 Guatemalan National Revolutionary Union signed a peace 
 accord in Guatemala City, ending a civil war that had 
 lasted 36 years.
1997 Hong Kong began killing 1.25 million chickens, the 
 entire population, for fear of the spread of 'bird flu'.
1998 Khmer Rouge leaders apologized for the 1970s genocide 
 in Cambodia that claimed 1 million lives. 
2013  smiled.


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