How to save pictures from a newsletter?
Saturday, January 18, 2014, 12:29 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, January 18.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Naked Woman Wearing Angel Wings jailed in Arkansas
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced
the approval of a saliva-based ovulation test.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Most people have seen worse things in private than they
pretend to be shocked at in public.
--- Edgar Watson Howe (1853 - 1937)
We are none of us infallible--not even the youngest of us.
--- W. H. Thompson
The only way to avoid being miserable is not to have enough
leisure to wonder whether you are happy or not."
--- George Bernard Shaw
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her
a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the
book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately
stroking her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
"Oh," she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while
ago."
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting
a lot better at it, isn't he?"
Sometimes...
when you cry,
no one sees your tears.
Sometimes...
when you are in pain,
no one sees your hurt.
Sometimes...
when you are worried,
no one sees your stress.
Sometimes...
when you are happy,
no one sees your smile.
But fart just ONE TIME...!
Thanks to Anastassia for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Christine Lawrence, 47, Mountain Home, Arkansas
Naked Woman Wearing Angel
Wings jailed in Arkansas
reported by the Smoking Gun
JANUARY 15--A naked woman wearing a pair of angel wings was
arrested early yesterday after police spotted her walking
on an Arkansas street.
Christine Lawrence, 47, was busted for indecent exposure
after a pair of Mountain Home Police Department officers
responded to a 3:20 AM call about “a female walking down
the middle of the road with nothing on besides angel wings,”
according to a police report.
When one patrolman sought to speak with Lawrence, she fled
into her nearby Circle Drive residence. As Lawrence was
subsequently being arrested, she struggled with police,
leading to an additional charge of resisting arrest.
The police report does not indicate why Lawrence was
promenading in her birthday suit, though yesterday
happened to be her birthday.
Seen in the above mug shot, Lawrence was booked into the
Baxter County jail on the two misdemeanor charges. She
remains locked up in lieu of $790 bond, and is scheduled
for a February 4 court appearance. Dressed up.
It is not a violent or nasty crime, but she should have
known that in Arkansas they like their angels in long,
white dresses!
Tech Support Pits
From: Cora
Re: How do I save pictures from the Humor Letter
Dear Webby,
How do I save pictures from the Humor Letter, so that I can
use them for other purposes?
Thanks
Cora
Dear Cora
Click through the picture to the full size version.
That will show in your browser. Once you see it in your
browser, right-clcik the picture, select "Copy Image",
jump to your graphics program, and hit CTRL V to paste it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Rubber Bands to Keep Tools from Slipping
To keep tools from slipping in your hands, wrap those free
rubber bands that come on vegetables or newspapers around
the handle. It really makes for a good grip and sure a lot
cheaper than the liquid you can buy for the purpose. When
working on a roof, it keeps them from sliding also. I also
use them on cans of aerosol hairspray, my hands seem to
slip when I push the button.
By latrtatr
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was
having trouble reading the newspaper. "Now that you're over
40," the doctor told him, "you've developed a condition called
'presbyopia,' in which the lens of your eye can no longer
focus as well as it used to."
Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. "Con-
gratulations!" he said. "You're now officially a presbyope!"
Doug leaned over and asked seriously, "If that means I'm no
longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Rose for this one:
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I
passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least
ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered
buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an
all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all
in one."
A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside
an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control
himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart.
Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and
asked her "Do you by any chance have todays paper?"
The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we
pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves."
Today, January 18, in
1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the
Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich Islands."
1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia's
Botany Bay to establish a penal colony. The group moved
north eight days later and settled at Port Jackson.
1871 Wilhelm, King of Prussia from 1861, was proclaimed
the first German Emperor.
1896 The x-ray machine was exhibited for the first time.
1911 For the first time an aircraft landed on a ship. Pilot
Eugene B. Ely flew onto the deck of the USS Pennsylvania
in San Francisco harbor.
1939 Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded "Jeepers
Creepers."
1943 During World War II, the Soviets announced that they
had broken the Nazi siege of Leningrad, which had began
in September of 1941.
1943 U.S. commercial bakers stopped selling sliced bread.
Only whole loaves were sold during the ban until the end
of World War II.
1950 The federal tax on oleomargarine was repealed.
1957 The first, non-stop, around-the-world, jet flight came
to an end at Riverside, CA. The plane was refueled in mid-flight
by huge aerial tankers.
1964 The plans for the World Trade Center in New York were
disclosed.
1978 The European Court of Human Rights cleared the British
government of torture but found it guilty of inhuman and
degrading treatment of prisoners in Northern Ireland.
1990 In an FBI sting, Washington, DC, Mayor Marion Barry was
arrested for drug possession. He was later convicted of a
misdemeanor.
1991 Eastern Airlines shut down after 62 years in business
due to financial problems.
1995 A network of caves were discovered near the town of
Vallon-Pont-d'Arc in southern France. The caves contained
paintings and engravings that were 17,000 to 20,000 years
old.
1997 Hutu militiamen killed three Spanish aid workers and
three soldiers and seriously wounded an American in a
night attack in NW Rwanda.
2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced
the approval of a saliva-based ovulation test.
2012 Wikipedia began a 24-hour "blackout" in protest against
proposed anti-piracy legislation (S. 968 and H.R. 3261)
known as the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) in
the Senate and the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the
House. Many websites, including Reddit, Google, Facebook,
Amazon and others, contended would make it challenging
if not impossible for them to operate.
2014 smiled.
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Can you mix IDE and ATA drives ?
Friday, January 17, 2014, 10:57 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, January 17.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Thank you George!
This evening at the end of my 4 km walk the full moon came
out. I was tempted to walk another round, but had too much
work left to do, so had to limit that to a bit of staring
at the moon and the stars.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Florida woman jailed for trying to run over boyfriend
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition
of stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and
elsewhere would come to an immediate end.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well
as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets,
nd to steal bread.
--- Anatole France (1844 - 1924)
"It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes
to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently."
--- Warren Buffett
>From Evan
A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase
coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused
him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?"
"I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the
same thing?"
A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into
a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room
might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went
immediately to eat.
After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and
realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back
to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry
Davis, could you please tell me what room I am in?"
"Goodness Gwacious me! Certaintly, sir" said the clerk.
"You in the lobby, sir."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Lisa de Lapi, 28, Royal Palm Beach, Floriduh
Jailed for Trying To Run Over Boyfriend
reported by Huffington Post
Floridian and wanna-be model Lisa de Lapi, 28, was arrested
after she allegedly tried to run over her boyfriend with a
car on their special day of love Monday, WPBF reported.
Palm Beach Deputies say de Lapi, a Royal Palm Beach resident,
told them her 27-year-old boyfriend "set her off," so she
responded by attempting to mow him down with her red Pontiac.
She missed him, but then apparently drove over his bike
and crashed into his parked car. Investigators also said
de Lapi informed them it was the couple's anniversary and
they have been dating for a year and a half.
The report did not state why she got enraged at her boyfriend.
Maybe he gave her an honest answer about her chances to ever
make a buck modeling.
Tech Support Pits
From: Bob
Re: Mix and match IDE and ATA
Dear Webby,
Dear Webby,
Can you mix and match IDE and ATA hard drives? I want to
use my old IDE drive as a second (slave) drive with my new
DELL machine, which has an ATA drive.
Bob
Dear Bob
Even though the sales people at DELL tell you that you can,
you can't. They are lying.
The way around that problem is to simply use a USB harddrive
enclosure for the old IDE drive. USB harddrive enclosures cost
$12 and up on-line. However, check PriceGrabber and see if a
nearby store has a good deal. With low cost items the shipping
costs can make an on-line purchase more expensive than a
local storefront.
With most USB harddrive enclosures you get a bunch of tiny
screws to attach the drive inside the usually almost too snug
enclosure. Don't fret if the little screws don't line up or are a
nuisance. Once the lid is closed, the drive is held quite nicely.
By the way, even though your old IDE drive measures about
4" x 6", it's called a 3.5" drive, because the platter inside
is a 3.5" platter. If you ask for a 4" drive enclosure, they
will tell you that you are on the wrong planet. Look for a
3.5 inch USB 2 Hard Drive Enclosure for IDE drives.
USB 2 standard is 40 times faster than USB 1.
Take your old drive along unless you are confident, that
the sales staff know the difference between IDE and ATA,
and make sure the socket inside fits your drive.
The sockets are quite different and few enclosures have
both types of sockets.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Bamboo Rod For Mug Storage
Save yourself several cup hooks. Instead of one hook for
each cup, use two to hold a slender rod. I used a
disassembled bamboo placemat, cost:$1, and it has been
used before for similar needs.
Slip your cups onto the rod and set it onto the cup hooks.
I saved one hook on one side of the cabinet and two on the
side with four cups! The cups can still be used with very
little effort of carefully lifting an end of the rod off
one of the hooks and taking the cup(s) off.
My espresso cups are seldom used and take up valuable
cabinet space so in hanging them for display they are
no longer in the way!
By melody_yesterday from Otterville, MO
Too complicated for an (again)
untamed batchelor. Cup hooks are 25 for a Dollar.
Mark the layout on masking tape and stick that under the
upper cabinet. The marks have to be the diameter of the
cups plus a bit apart.
You can of course have more than just one row.
Then drill with a small drill bit about 1/2 inch deep through
the marks on the masking tape.
If you don't like twisting your body for that chore, assign
that to a kid, drill through a bottle cork and use that as
a spacer, so that they don't drill too deep.
After that it is easy to peel off the tape and twist in
the cup hooks.
The masking tape keeps the drill bit from skating and keeps
the hole nice and tidy.
There are T-handle hook wrenches available, but you can
easily make one by simply cutting a slot into a piece
of scrap. That way you can turn the cup hooks in easily,
even if you have arthritis.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, "After a worship service at
First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with
a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got
her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through
the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, if you don't
be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place
and will have to start his sermon all over again!'
It worked."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A college drama group presented a play in which one character would
stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand
below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the
character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the
actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite
overweight took his place.
When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand
pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly
stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.
One student on the balcony jumped up and yelled:
"Hallelujah! Hell is full!"
>From Andrew
My wife and I, both graduate students, recently celebrated
the arrival of our first child. At my wife's insistence, we
had paid our entire medical bill and were now worried about
meeting other payments.
We were discussing our sad financial situation one evening
when our son demanded a diaper change. As my wife leaned
over the baby's crib, I heard her mutter, "The only thing
in the house that's paid for, and it leaks."
Today, January 17, in
1377 The Papal See was transferred from Avignon in France
back to Rome.
1562 French Protestants were recognized under the Edict of
St. Germain.
1773 Captain Cook's Resolution became the first ship to
cross the Antarctic Circle.
1852 The independence of the Transvaal Boers was
recognized by Britain.
1871 Andrew S. Hallidie received a patent for a cable
car system.
1893 Hawaii's monarchy was overthrown when a group of
businessmen and sugar planters forced Queen Liliuokalani
to abdicate.
1900 The U.S. took Wake Island where there was an important
cable link between Hawaii and Manila.
1900 Yaqui Indians in Texas proclaimed their independence
from Mexico.
1900 Mormon Brigham Roberts was denied a seat in the U.S.
House of Representatives for his practicing of polygamy.
1912 English explorer Robert Falcon Scott reached the South
Pole. Norwegian Roald Amundsen had beaten him there by one
month. Scott and his party died during the return trip.
1913 All partner interests in 36 Golden Rule Stores were
consolidated and incorporated in Utah into one company.
The new corporation was the J.C. Penney Company.
1928 The fully automatic film-developing machine was patented
by A.M. Josepho.
1934 Ferdinand Porsche submitted a design for a people's car,
a "Volkswagen," to the new German Reich government.
1945 Soviet and Polish forces liberated Warsaw during World War II.
1945 Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg disappeared in Hungary
while in Soviet custody. Wallenberg was credited with saving
tens of thousands of Jews.
1966 A B-52 carrying four H-bombs collided with a refuelling
tanker. The bombs were released and eight crewmembers were
killed.
1991 Coalition airstrikes began against Iraq after negotiations
failed to get Iraq to retreat from the country of Kuwait.
1994 The Northridge earthquake rocked Los Angeles, CA,
registering a 6.7 on the Richter Scale. At least 61 people were
killed and about $20 billion in damage was caused.
1995 More than 6,000 people were killed when an earthquake with
a magnitude of 7.2 devastated the city of Kobe, Japan.
1997 A court in Ireland granted the first divorce in the Roman
Catholic country's history.
1997 Israel gave over 80% of Hebron to Palestinian rule, but
held the remainder where several hundred Jewish settlers lived
among 20,000 Palestinians.
1998 U.S. President Clinton gave his deposition in the Paula
Jones sexual harassment lawsuit against him. He was the first
U.S. President to testify as a defendant in a criminal or
civil lawsuit.
2002 It was announced that Microsoft had signed a joint
venture agreement to produce software with two partners
in China. The two partners were Beijin Centergate Technologies
(Holding) Co. and the Stone Group.
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Forwarding just parts of an email
Thursday, January 16, 2014, 12:33 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, January 16.
The "consultation" about cataract surgery was mostly
sitting around various waiting rooms, occasionally
interrupted by brusque recent imports mumbling impatient
instructions and briefly doing some tests. They seemed
to be paid by the number of patients they can hustle
through per day.
It took about three hours and included probably almost
ten minutes of actual staff time.
In the meantime Barb, who was driving me there and back,
was fuming about the lack of nearby parking and the cost
per minute of parking. Eventually i was told that there
was a six month waiting list, and that my turn would come
in July.
We did finally get out of there, me with two sets of not
very cool shades on, and headed for Dennys, Barb's treat
for the driving. Barb is a friend and neighbor and the
owner of Copper, the dog I walk with in the evening.
We got a fairly good medical system, about as good as the
US is hoping to get in twenty years, after all the bugs
have been fixed, but even with the bugs fixed, a Government
system with no competition is much more annoying than
a Free Enterprise system with competition.
The drops they put into my eyes for the convenience of
their staff are slowly wearing off, but vision is nowhere
near normal. Expect the odd typo and irregularity!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
an Alabama couple Jailed After Hanging Dog By Neck,
Posting Photos On Facebook
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition
of stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and
elsewhere would come to an immediate end.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
--- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)
The unpaid ones do too!
>from Lisa:
Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the elegant
home of an older couple. Among other duties, I had to dust
their many imported carvings and petrified collectibles as
well as pick up after their pets.
One day I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying on
the floor beside the bookcase. I quickly picked them up and
put them back on the shelf. The next week the same thing
happened.
That afternoon my employer came into the parlor, her faithful
canine behind her. Looking around, she eyed the bookcase.
"Tricky," she asked the dog, "how in the world do you keep
getting your bones up there?"
A health-food restaurant in Cambridge Mass. had a billboard
proclaiming, "Eat here and live a long life!"
The barbecue pit next door posted this response,
"Eat here and die happy!"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Caroline Dunnam, 26 and Andrew Parrish, 23,
in Valley Grande, AL
an Alabama couple Jailed After
Hanging Dog By Neck,
Posting Photos On Facebook
reported by the Weekly Vice
Alabama couple Caroline Dunnam, 26, and Andrew Parrish, 23,
have been jailed after they allegedly hung their dog by the
neck, snapped a photo of the assault and posted it to
Facebook.
According to police, an investigation was launched after
Dunnam and Parrish tied a rope to their dog's neck and
hung the animal from a ceiling tile in what appeared to
be their living room.
After snapping a photograph of the hanging dog, the couple
posted the images to Dunnam's Facebook page. When several
people complained about the photographs, Dunnam (or someone
using her account) defended the photographs.
SIC "If u have a problem with my personal (expletive) FB
page, delete me and go on somewhere I don't give a
(expletive) what anybody on here thinks end of story,"
Dunnam allegedly responded.
Investigators began looking into the matter after someone
saw the post and called police.
Although the incident took place in late November, the
couple eventually turned themselves in on January 10.
The dog was placed into the custody of Selma Animal
Hospital.
Dunnam and Parish were booked into the Dallas County
Jail and charged with animal cruelty. They were
released after posting $500 bond each.
Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: How do I forward just one joke?
Dear Webby,
Greeting from Northern Minnesota, enjoy your humor letter
every day, keep up the great work.
question is there any way I can take a joke from your
humor letter and forward it to others without sending
the whole humor letter ? I'm able to do it with the
pictures just right click and save picture but it doesn't
work for print. thanks for any help,
Jim Two Harbors,Mn
Dear Jim
Highlight the joke
Click on the Forward icon
and type in the address of the recipient.
Another method is to highlight the joke
hit CTRL C to copy
jump to a letter to that recipient
place the cursor where you want that joke
hit CTRL V to paste it.
That's all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Sturdy Kitty Litter Scoop
If you have cats, go to a restaurant supply store and
buy a metal mess scoop that is used to remove items
from the deep fryer. Use this as your kitty litter
scoop. It will never break, bend, or fail you in
any way.
By Brenda
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
In the days when you couldn't count on a public facility
to have indoor plumbing, an English woman was planning
a trip to Germany.
She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned
by the local schoolmaster. She was concerned as to whether
the guest house contained a WC. In England, a bathroom is
commonly called a WC which stands for water closet.
She wrote the schoolmaster inquiring into the location
of the nearest WC.
The school master, not fluent in English, asked the local
priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered
possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the
lady wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near
the house . . . a bathroom never entered their minds.
So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I ta! ke great pleasure in informing you that the WC is
located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the
middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely
grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is
open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many
people expected in the summer months, I suggest you
arrive early.
There is, however, plenty of standing room.
This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are
in the habit of going regularly. It may be of some interest
to you that my daughter was married in the WC as it was
there that! she met her husband. It was a wonderful event.
There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to
see the expressions on their faces.
My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently.
It has been almost a year since she went last, which
pains her greatly.
You will be pleased to know that many people bring their
lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till
the last minute and arrive just in time! I would
recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there
is an organ accomp! animent. The acoustics are excellent
and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.
The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a
person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush
seats for all since many feel it is long needed.
I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating
you in a place where you can be seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
How can you easily determine how much dirt
there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at
one end and two feet deep at the other end,
and four feet wide at one end and two feet
wide at the other end?
*
Thanks to Tim for this one:
My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas.
The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a
Western or English saddle, and she asked what the
difference was.
He told her one had a horn and other one didn't, she replied,
"The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run
into too much traffic out here."
---------------
*
There is no dirt in a hole
Today, January 14, in
1547 Ivan the Terrible was crowned Czar of Russia.
1572 The Duke of Norfolk was tried for treason for complicity
in the Ridolfi plot to restore Catholicism in England. He
was executed on June 2.
1809 The British defeated the French at the Battle of
Corunna, in the Peninsular War.
1866 Everett Barney patented the metal screw clamp skate.
1900 The U.S. Senate consented to the Anglo-German treaty
of 1899, by which the U.K. renounced rights to the
Samoan islands.
1919 The 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which
prohibited the sale or transportation of alcoholic beverages,
was ratified. It was later repealed by the 21st Amendment.
1920 Prohibition went into effect in the U.S.
1920 The motion picture "The Kid" opened.
1925 Leon Trotsky was dismissed as Chairman of the
Revolutionary Council of the USSR.
1944 General Dwight D. Eisenhower took command of the
Allied invasion force in London.
1970 Colonel Muammar el-Quaddafi became virtual president
of Libya.
1970 Buckminster Fuller, the designer of the geodesic dome,
was awarded the Gold Medal of the American Institute of
Architects.
1979 The Shah of Iran and his family fled Iran for Egypt.
1982 Britain and the Vatican resumed full diplomatic
relations after a break of over 400 years.
1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition
of stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and
elsewhere would come to an immediate end.
1998 Researchers announce that an altered gene helped
to defend against HIV.
1991 The White House announced the start of Operation
Desert Storm. The operation was designed to drive
Iraqi forces out of Kuwait.
1998 It was announced that Texas would receive $15.3
billion in a tobacco industry settlement. The payouts
were planned to take place over 25 years.
2002 The U.N. Security Council unanimously adopted sanctions
against Osama bin Laden, his terror network and the remnants
of the Taliban. The sanctions required that all nations
impose arms embargoes and freeze their finances.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 500 million applications downloaded.
2014 smiled.
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How to forward just one paragraph?
Wednesday, January 15, 2014, 09:50 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, January 15.
Next Wednesday I have to go for more injections into my
eyeballs. Today I have to go for "consultation" about
cataract surgery.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Missouri Woman who was Jailed After Showing Up To
Court Drunk With Baby In Tow
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back
pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan.
The mission was launched on October 15, 1997.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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It is possible to store the mind with a million facts
and still be entirely uneducated.
--- Alec Bourne
What we see depends mainly on what we look for.
--- John Lubbock
An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination
of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked
what had happened.
He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my
heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of chocolate cake."
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with
a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a
proposal.
"Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he
asked a friend.
"Your chances are better," said the friend,
"if you tell her you're 90 and have a heart problem."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Terisha Wallace, 19, Edwardsville, Missouri
Jailed After Showing Up To Court
Drunk With Baby In Tow
Terisha Wallace, a 19-year-old Missouri woman, was jailed
Friday after she allegedly showed up to court intoxicated
and with her baby in tow.
And that's not all she apparently got wrong.
According to the Madison County Sheriff's Office, Wallace
was taken into custody after she brought her baby to the
Madison County Criminal Justice Center while under the
influence of alcohol.
Although the charge is a misdemeanor, Wallace has developed
a history of alcohol related charges and two felony arrests.
Investigators say Wallace was placed under arrest as soon
as she arrived at the courthouse after they received a tip
from her mother alleging that she had been drinking the
night before and would likely still be intoxicated.
A breath test later confirmed that she had consumed alcohol.
To make matters more ironic, Wallace wasn't scheduled to
show up for her court appearance until Monday.
Wallace was reportedly ordered into court for a probation
status hearing after she was accused last June of assaulting
a 13-year-old boy. In that case, Wallace and a 16-year-old
male reportedly punched and kicked the victim in the head.
In April of 2012 Wallace reportedly pleaded guilty to a
charge of burglary and was placed on two years of probation.
She was also convicted in 2009 of unlawful consumption of
alcohol by a minor.
Wallace's mother, Cheri, has filed a motion asking the
court for an order of protection for herself and the baby.
Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: How do I forward just one joke?
Dear Webby,
Greeting from Northern Minnesota, enjoy your humor letter
every day, keep up the great work.
question is there any way I can take a joke from your
humor letter and forward it to others without sending
the whole humor letter ? I'm able to do it with the
pictures just right click and save picture but it doesn't
work for print. thanks for any help,
Jim Two Harbors,Mn
Dear Jim
Highlight the joke
Click on the Forward icon
and type in the address of the recipient.
Another method is to highlight the joke
hit CTRL C to copy
jump to a letter to that recipient
place the cursor where you want that joke
hit CTRL V to paste it.
That's all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Don't Toss That Broken Fan!
Don't toss that broken fan until you've removed both parts
of the round wire blade cover and cleaned them well, for
two of the finest and sturdiest patio table/garden baskets,
chip servers you will ever find for free!
By Lynda from TX
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
I was shocked, confused, bewildered as I entered Heaven's
door, Not by the beauty of it all, by the lights or its
decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven who made me sputter and
gasp-- the thieves, the liars, the sinners, the alcoholics,
the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade who swiped my lunch
money twice. Next to him was my old neighbor who never said
anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought was rotting away in hell, was
sitting pretty on cloud nine, looking incredibly well.
I nudged the angel, "What's the deal? I would love to hear
your take. How'd all these sinners get up here? God must've
made a mistake.
And why's everyone so quiet, so somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said he. "They're all in shock. No one thought
they'd see you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
At the end of the college year, a star football player
celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a
late night campus party. Soon after arriving, he became
captivated by a beautiful young thing and eased into a
conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at
parties.
"Oh, I have a 3.9, so I'm much more attracted to the strong
academic types than to dumb party animals," she said.
"What's your G.P.A.?"
Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about
27 in the city and 38 on the highway.
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer,
"No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and
it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."
Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over
to the customer who was walking out the door and said,
"That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon.
In fact, I have placed an order for it just yesterday."
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never,
never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't
have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was
it she asked about?"
And the clerk said, "Rapes down in the parkade."
Today, January 14, in
1559 England's Queen Elizabeth I (Elizabeth Tudor) was crowned
in Westminster Abbey.
1624 Many riots occurred in Mexico when it was announced that
all churches were to be closed.
1863 "The Boston Morning Journal" became the first paper in
the U.S. to be published on wood pulp paper.
1870 A cartoon by Thomas Nast titled "A Live Jackass Kicking
a Dead Lion" appeared in "Harper's Weekly." The cartoon
used the donkey to symbolize the Democratic Party for the
first time.
1892 "Triangle" magazine in Springfield, MA, published the
rules for a brand new game. The original rules involved
attaching peach baskets to a suspended board. It is now
known as basketball.
1913 The first telephone line between Berlin and New York
was inaugurated.
1943 The Pentagon was dedicated as the world's largest office
building just outside Washington, DC, in Arlington, VA.
The structure covers 34 acres of land and has 17 miles of
corridors. It has since been extended.
1955 The first solar-heated, radiation-cooled house was built
by Raymond Bliss in Tucson, AZ.
1973 U.S. President Nixon announced the suspension of all
U.S. offensive action in North Vietnam.
1974 "Happy Days" premiered on ABC-TV.
2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the U.S. Congress
had permission to repeatedly extend copyright protection.
2014 smiled.
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Tuesday, January 14, 2014, 12:07 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, January 14.
Had to go up to the hospital for my quarter year blood
sampling. Dianne Skyped me to put rocks into my pockets,
because the blizzard apparently was 80, gusting to 100.
I thought she was exaggerating a bit, especially since
the blizzard was at my back going up there. No problem
at all!
When I shook the snow off my back at the hospital entrance,
and there was enough for a snow man, that was my first clue,
that the way home might not be as easy.
It wasn't.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a Kentucky jail breaker, who got so cold,
that he asked to be let inside again.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back
pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan.
The mission was launched on October 15, 1997.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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To punish me for my contempt for authority,
fate made me an authority myself.
--- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)
>From Penny
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.
The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband ?"
All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him ?"
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."
The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Who the hell is this ?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what ?
3. Yeh, and I love you too. What's up with you ??
4. What now? Did you crash the car again ?
5. I don't understand what you mean ?
6. What the f*ck did you do now ?
7. ?!?
8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need ?
9. Am I dreaming ?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for,
someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she ??
13. Are you pregnant AGAIN?
Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame
was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a
football player told the priest that he had acted in an
unsportsmanlike-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost
my temper and said some bad words to one of my
opponents."
"Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be
doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a
mark across the sleeve of his coat.
"That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my
opponents."
"Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk
mark.
"There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the
other team's players in the ..., in a sensitive area."
"Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more
chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin'
when you did these awful things?"
"Southern Methodist."
"Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be
boys."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Wylene Crissel, Titusville, Floriduh
Titusville Woman held after box-cutter attack
A Titusville woman wielding a box cutter slashed another
woman’s neck during a Sunday night argument at the Emerald
Place Apartments on Tree Lane, police said.
Wylene Crissel was charged with aggravated battery with a
deadly weapon after the 8:36 p.m. confrontation. She was
taken to the Brevard County Jail Complex.
Witnesses told police Crissel began arguing with the victim,
and the argument escalated into a fight. That’s when Crissel
produced a box cutter and sliced the victim’s neck,
police said.
The victim was hospitalized with serious but non-life
threatening injuries.
Tech Support Pits
From: Darla
Re: April panic
Dear Webby,
When I try to vote for your site, I never get an e-mail
to confirm. It's been happening for a long time, is
there anything I can do ?
I also have a computer question to ask you if you don't
mind. Both My Mom and I have XP on our computer's & use
Outlook Express. After April when Microsoft no longer
supports XP, is there anything we can do beside's buy a
new computer ? We have been using XP for many years and
I don't want to get stuck with Windows 8. I have saved
lots of Outlook Express e-mails on my hard drive and I'm
wondering what will happen to them. Some have picture's
included and some don't.
Thank you for your time,
Darla
Dear Darla
the voting is done at the Ezinefinder, not at any of our
servers. Write to support@cumuli.com or use the contact
form on their site.
Re XP supposedly no longer getting support from Microsoft
after April:
How much support have you received from them on a regular
basis?
Would you actually notice it, if they stopped providing
that ?
They are not going to come visiting you and risk a rolling
pin over their noggin for tying to turn your computer off
or deleting your emails. All they are threatening, if you
don't buy a new computer from one of the many companies they
own shares in, is that they will no longer have a support
desk to answer questions, and that Mujibar will be on the
W7 desk after April.
Keep in mind, a LOT of industry and commerce are using XP,
and have often enough threatened to move to Linux, if they
can't continue to use XP.
They MEAN IT! They all have Linux installation CD's ready
to pop in.
With industry and commerce all that counts is the applications,
that they actually use, like a word processor or spreadsheet
or database or email. Those programs all have their Linux
versions. All the other frills are not really necessary, and
frequently even frowned upon.
Sure, you can play games on Linux too, but it will take
people some time to find and install the games, and in the
meantime, productivity might break out!
As far as the monthly updates to slow XP down to the speed
of W7, don't worry, as long as you got decent anti-malware
protection like McAfee.
So, there is absolutely no panic about April,
except for Mujibar, of course. He is probably busy cussing
about W7 or W8.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Uses for Juice from Canned Fruit
Use it when making yeast breads; including cinnamon rolls
and or quick breads. It adds another layer of delicious
flavor and nutrition. You may want to reduce the amount
of sugar by a Tbsp. or so to keep from having your breads
or rolls too sweet. I especially like to use peach syrup
(heavy syrup) in cinnamon rolls. Yummy.
It is also one of the best additions when making Jello,
instead of cold water.
Canned fruit liquid or syrup is a delicious addition to
making salad dressings. I add a bit of vinegar and a dash
of black pepper. Use over any sort of green leafy lettuce.
Thicken it with a spoonful of corn starch, cook until
mixture thickens, cool and spoon over ice-cream or pudding,
fresh fruit salad or pound cake.
Source: My dislike of having to waste anything good.
By Julia from Boca Raton, FL
WHOA!!!!
Learn the diffwerence between fruit juice and fruit syrup!
Fruit JUICE is juice from that fruit. Pineapple often has
Fruit JUICE.
Fruit SYRUP is corn syrup with fruit flavor, and will
cause you to wonder what made your rear end so wide.
Peaches are often in SYRUP. Be very careful at the store!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
"What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife,
"my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?"
"What I love most about you," responded the man's wife,
"is your incredible sense of humor."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer
in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by
and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked
outside.
One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend
didn't see us or recognize my pickup."
The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it
make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one
who counts."
The first deacon countered, "But God won't fink to my wife."
A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer.
For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after
the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo.
The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated
words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us my e-mail. "
Today, January 14, in
1639 Connecticut's first constitution, the "Fundamental
Orders," was adopted.
1784 The United States ratified a peace treaty with England
ending the Revolutionary War.
1858 French emperor Napoleon III escaped an attempt on
his life.
1873 John Hyatt's 1869 invention ‘Celluloid’ was
registered as a trademark.
1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for
Britain's Queen Victoria.
1907 An earthquake killed over 1,000 people in Kingston,
Jamaica.
1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first
U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office. He
flew from Miami, FL, to French Morocco where he met with
British Prime Minister Winston Churchill to discuss WWII.
1953 Josip Broz Tito was elected president of Yugoslavia
1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were married. The
marriage only lasted nine months.
1954 The Hudson Motor Car Company merged with Nash-Kelvinator.
The new company was called the American Motors Corporation.
1969 An explosion aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Enterprise
off Hawaii killed 25 crew members.
1993 The British government pledged to introduce legislation
to criminalize invasions of privacy by the press.
1994 U.S. President Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin
signed Kremlin accords to stop aiming missiles at any nation
and to dismantle the nuclear arsenal of Ukraine.
1998 Whitewater prosecutors questioned Hillary Rodham Clinton
at the White House for 10 minutes about the gathering of
FBI background files on past Republican political appointees.
1999 The impeachment trial of U.S. President Clinton began in
Washington, DC.
1999 The U.S. proposed the lifting of the U.N. ceilings on the
sale of oil in Iraq. The restriction being that the money be
used to buy medicine and food for the Iraqi people.
2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back
pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan.
The mission was launched on October 15, 1997.
2014 smiled.
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Set programs for different file types
Monday, January 13, 2014, 01:28 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, January 13.
Voting works again!
Please vote!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a Kentucky jail breaker, who got so cold,
that he asked to be let inside again.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile, which
allowed for a 30% decrease in car weight.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd.
--- Allan Goldfein
The one function TV news performs very well is that when
there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis
as if there were.
--- David Brinkley (1920 - 2003)
Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a
large city to deliver a series of speeches. At a banquet
the first evening, he noticed some reporters in the audience.
Because he wanted to use some of the stories he told that
night in his speeches the next day, he asked the reporters
to omit them from their articles.
One article that came out the next day, written by a cub
reporter, concluded with this line: "Reverend Smith also
told a number of stories that cannot be printed."
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in
progress and the country preacher talked at length
of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest
man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father
he was.
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of
her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin
and see if we're at the right funeral."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Robert Vick, 42, Lexington, Kentucky
Kentucky jail breaker, who got so cold,
that he asked to be let inside again.
Robert Vick, a 42-year-old inmate who escaped from Blackburn
Correctional Complex in Lexington, turned himself back in
less than 48 hours later when he decided jail was better
than freezing to death.
According to police, Vick escaped from a minimum security
facility in Lexington Sunday, however, the plan quickly
backfired when he encountered an unexpected dose of cold
weather.
Local wind chill temperatures were 20 degrees below zero
Monday in Lexington, according to weather reports. Vick
would have been dressed in prison issued khaki pants, a
hirt and a jacket, according to Department of Correction
spokesperson, Lisa Lamb.
As temperatures dropped between Sunday and Tuesday morning,
Vick reportedly walked into a motel and asked the clerk to
call police. He reportedly told the clerk that he wanted
to turn himself in because it was too cold outside.
Arriving officers called in paramedics to check Vick out
before he was returned to Blackburn, said Lexington police
spokesperson Sherelle Roberts
"This was definitely of his own volition," said Roberts. "
It's cold out there, too cold to run around. I can understand
why the suspect would turn himself in.
Vick was serving a six-year sentence for burglary and criminal
possession of a forged instrument when he escaped.
Tech Support Pits
From: Joy
Re: Set file types
Dear Webby,
Sometimes I can't open picture attachments in email.
The message I get is,"This file does not have a program
associated with it for performing this action. Create an
association in the Folders Options Control Panel. I don't
really know what to do after opening the Folder Options
folder. Can you help me?
Thanks,
Joy
Dear Joy
Right-Click on START
select EXPLORE
Click on TOOLS
FOLDER OPTIONS
FILE TYPES
Scroll down to the file type that you need a program for,
highlight it
click on advanced, and select a suitable program for it.
For GIF, JPG, PNG, BMP select PaintShop Pro or
whatever you use for graphics.
For PDF use Foxit or Adobe Acrobat,
for PPT use Microsoft PowerPoint viewer.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Strain Sugar from Cereal
When you get to the end of the cereal box or bag, you'll see
sugar or tiny particles that you don't want to eat. Take a
strainer and dump the cereal into the strainer and shake
around. The small parts and sugar will fall into the sink
or garbage can.
By lnygaard
Poking some small holes into the bottom of the bag or box
works quite well too. That way, if you ar not as far down
the box as you thought, you don't have to try getting it
back in there.
Even easier is buying un-sugared cereal and adding whatever
sweetener you are in the mood for in the amounts you want
right on the plate, for example dark Demarara sugar.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Isaac guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
His friend Morris said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty
4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"Yes, that she did," he replied.
"But where in the world was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "Macho", and
went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through
the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation:
"Say, look at that big bunch of buffalos."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch' but 'herd'."
"Heard what?"
"Herd of buffalos."
"Sure, I've heard of buffalos. There's a big bunch of 'em
right over there."
"Yep. You can go ride one of them for the afternoon."
The Easterner had always dreamed of owning his own cattle
ranch, and finally made enough money to buy his dream spread
in Wyoming.
"So, what did you name the ranch?" asked his best friend
when he flew out to visit
"We had a heck of a time," admitted the new cowboy."Couldn't
agree on anything. We finally settled on the Double R Lazy L
Triple Horseshoe Bar-7 Lucky Diamond Ranch."
"Wow!" his friend was impressed. "So where are all the cows?"
"When they saw that branding iron, they all ran away."
Today, January 13, in
1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military
order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an
army of God.
1854 Anthony Faas of Philadelphia, PA, patented the accordion.
1898 Emile Zola's "J'accuse" was published in Paris.
1900 In Austria-Hungary, Emperor Franz Joseph decreed that
German would be the language of the imperial army to combat
Czech nationalism.
1906 Hugh Gernsback, of the Electro Importing Company,
advertised radio receivers for sale for the price of just
$7.50 in "Scientific American" magazine.
1928 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson gave the first public
demonstration of television.
1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile, which
allowed for a 30% decrease in car weight.
1982 An Air Florida 737 crashed into the capital's 14th
Street Bridge after takeoff and fell into the Potomac River.
78 people were killed.
1984 Wayne Gretzky extended his NHL consecutive scoring
streak to 45 games.
1992 Japan apologized for forcing tens of thousands of Korean
women to serve as sex slaves for Japanese soldiers during WQII.
1998 ABC and ESPN negotiated to keep "Monday Night Football"
for $1.15 billion a season.
1998 One of the 110 missing episodes of the British TV show
"Doctor Who" was found in New Zealand.
2002 Japan and Singapore signed a free trade pact
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush fainted after choking
on a pretzel.
2009 Ethiopian military forces began pulling out of Somalia,
where they had tried to maintain order for nearly two years.
2014 smiled.
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Good results with Crap Cleaner
Sunday, January 12, 2014, 12:16 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, January 12.
Voting works again!
Please vote!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Meth dealers dining at classy restaurant
jailed after leaving waitress a methamphetamine tip
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1998 Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's
office with taped conversations between herself and former
White House intern Monica Lewinsky.
Today we had a nice and rambunctious Chinook. My wind chimes
were gonging like crazy, and one of them tore loose and took
off. It sure was funny watching plastic lawn chairs scooting
along on the crusty snow.
For a while there were dry leaves getting blown along by the
storm. They were definitely not from Alberta, where all
leaves are covered by a foot or more of snow. They must have
come across the Rockies from BC.
When I saw a downed wheelie-bin sailing along on the street
I went to check on mine, It was OK, down, but firmly wedged
between the back steps and the garage. It sure was funny,
though, to see a wheelie bin sailing along at slightly over
the speed limit.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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America believes in education: the average professor earns
more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in
a whole week.
--- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste.
--- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)
>From Roland
Do you have one in your files about this mother visiting
her son and was concerned about them sleeping together so
she hid the soup spoon under the girl friends pillow.
Something like that.
Yes, I found it. Here it is:
HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER
You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one.
Bryan invited his mother over for dinner.
During the course of the meal, Bryan's mother couldn't
help but keep noticing how beautiful Bryan's roommate,
Jessica, was. Bryan's mother had long been suspicious
of a relationship between Bryan and Jessica, and this
had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the
two react, Mother started to wonder if there was more
between Bryan and Jessica than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts,
Bryan volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking,
but I assure you Jessica and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Jessica came to Bryan saying,
"Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been
unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Bryan said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an
e-mail just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mother:
I'm not saying that you "did"
take the gravy ladle from the house,
I'm not saying that you "did not"
take the gravy ladle.
But the fact remains that one has been missing
ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Bryan
Several days later, Bryan received an email from his
mother that read:
Dear Son:
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jessica,
and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with
Jessica.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping
in her own bed, she would have found the gravy
ladle by now.
Love,
Mom
Andy was reading the paper while his son was doing homework
on the opposite side of the table.
"Dad", his son asked, "how many people work in the
Government?"
Without looking up, Andy responded: "Oh, about a quarter
of them."
Thanks to Terry for sending this picture, that she took in October:
Click on the picture for the large versi">
Click on the picture for the large version
Outdoor exercise machines in Black Diamond, AB
I think it was around -25 that day,
Guess who that is!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Ryan Bensen, 40, and Erica Manley, 37, in Seaside, Oregon
Meth dealers Dining At Classy Restaurant
Jailed After Leaving Waitress A
Methamphetamine Tip
Ryan Bensen, 40, and Erica Manley, 37, were jailed Thursday
night after they allegedly left crystal meth as a tip while
dining out.
According to Seaside Police, Bensen and Manley were having
dinner and drinks at the Twisted Fish Steakhouse Thursday
night when stupidity became the guest of honor.
When it came time to settle the bill, the couple used a gift
card to pay the balance due. Instead of offering the waitress
a cash tip, the couple handed her an envelope that had a
question mark scribbled on the front. Inside the envelope,
the waitress found an undisclosed amount of crystal meth.
The waitress then calmly walked away from the table and
contacted police.
Investigators say Bensen and Manley were still at the
restaurant when officers arrived at the scene. Upon search
of Manley's purse, officers recovered a half-kilo of meth.
Police later searched the couple's car and the motel room
and recovered a large cache of crystal meth. Officers also
found materials inside the motel room used for manufacturing
methamphetamine.
Bensen was booked into jail and charged with manufacturing
methamphetamine. Manley was booked into jail and charged
with possessing, delivering and manufacturing meth.
Tech Support Pits
From: Dan
Re: Crap Cleaner
Dear Webby,
Thank You for the infomation on crap cleaner.
I used it on windows xp where it worked very well
But, it was remarkable what it did on my laptop that uses win7
It is like a new computer
Thank you.
Dan
Dear Dan
You are most welcome!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Wooden Spoon To Prevent Boil Over
When boiling potatoes, noodles, etc on top of stove, place
a wooden spoon over top of pan to keep it from boiling over
and having to clean up a mess.
By mjbretz
It doesn't have to be a wooden spoon. A stick works fine
when cooking on a camp fire. Metal works too.
With anything, that requires a rolling boil or when cooking
at high altitude, that trick is indispensible!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by
fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on
the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps,
check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check.
Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on."
The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt;
just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims
the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever
landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says
"Yeah, and about the widest, too..."
-------------------------
That reminds me of a landing in Burwash in the Yukon
in 71. Burwash is at the end of Kluane Lake, beside
Kluane National Park. Very scenic. Also the worlds
windiest airport. There was a short dirt taxi-way and parking
area between the gravel runway and the occasionally staffed
airport building. We used an old Piper Cub to get from there
to Tincup Lake, where another guy and me were pretending
to be carpenters and built a big fishing lodge without anybody
ever catching on that we were learning carpentry as we went.
We stayed in tents at Tincup Lake and once a week flew out
to Burwash for hot showers and a meal that we did not have
to poach, to pick up nails and other supplies, and to flirt at
the waitresses.
Top speed of the old souped up Cub was about 85 miles
per hour when the tank was near empty. This one day the wind
was 80, gusting to 90. Just before Burwash our route was
near the Alaska Highway. Cars on the highway below sure looked
fast whenever we were drifting backwards!
When we finally got to the airport, we realized that there
was just no way we would be able to taxi from the runway
across the wind over to the parking area without getting
flipped sideways. Gerry, who was just as crazy as me,
hovered over the taxi way like a tethered kite and slowly
forced the plane down to the tiedowns.
The tiedowns were 55 gallon drums filled with cast iron
engine blocks and old batteries. When we were low enough,
I climbed out onto the wing to wheel support strut, and
while hanging on with one hand and one leg, fished for the
rope on the first barrel. After a few tries I got hold of it
and cinched down the left wing. With the engine still running
at full blast, I clambered over to the other side, being
careful not to touch the ground and taking any weight off
the little plane, and finally tied down that side, just before
we ran out fuel. After climbing out, Gerry tied the stick
to the seat, -yes, the front had a real seat, not just a cooler-,
so that the wind forced the tail down. Then we carried a
couple of 10 gallon drums filled with concrete and chains
over to the tail to tie it down.
It's amazing how fast you can run while carrying those drums,
when you are in a hurry and you have an 80 mile per hour
wind at your back!
The waitresses in Burwash didn't want us to fly back that
night and managed to persuade us to spend the night.
By morning the wind had slowed down considerably,
but we didn't need the real runway. The width of the taxi
strip was plenty.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by
fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on
the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps,
check," he says to the co-pilot, "Landing Gear, check.
Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on."
The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt;
just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims
the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever
landed on!" The co-pilot looks left and right and says
"Yeah, and about the widest, too..."
-------------------------
That reminds me of a landing in Burwash in the Yukon
in 71. Burwash is at the end of Kluane Lake, beside
Kluane National Park. Very scenic. Also the worlds
windiest airport. There was a short dirt taxi-way and parking
area between the gravel runway and the occasionally staffed
airport building. We used an old Piper Cub to get from there
to Tincup Lake, where another guy and me were pretending
to be carpenters and built a big fishing lodge without anybody
ever catching on that we were learning carpentry as we went.
We stayed in tents at Tincup Lake and once a week flew out
to Burwash for hot showers and a meal that we did not have
to poach, to pick up nails and other supplies, and to flirt at
the waitresses.
Top speed of the old souped up Cub was about 85 miles
per hour when the tank was near empty. This one day the wind
was 80, gusting to 90. Just before Burwash our route was
near the Alaska Highway. Cars on the highway below sure looked
fast whenever we were drifting backwards!
When we finally got to the airport, we realized that there
was just no way we would be able to taxi from the runway
across the wind over to the parking area without getting
flipped sideways. Gerry, who was just as crazy as me,
hovered over the taxi way like a tethered kite and slowly
forced the plane down to the tiedowns.
The tiedowns were 55 gallon drums filled with cast iron
engine blocks and old batteries. When we were low enough,
I climbed out onto the wing to wheel support strut, and
while hanging on with one hand and one leg, fished for the
rope on the first barrel. After a few tries I got hold of it
and cinched down the left wing. With the engine still running
at full blast, I clambered over to the other side, being
careful not to touch the ground and taking any weight off
the little plane, and finally tied down that side, just before
we ran out fuel. After climbing out, Gerry tied the stick
to the seat, -yes, the front had a real seat, not just a cooler-,
so that the wind forced the tail down. Then we carried a
couple of 10 gallon drums filled with concrete and chains
over to the tail to tie it down.
It's amazing how fast you can run while carrying those drums,
when you are in a hurry and you have an 80 mile per hour
wind at your back!
The waitresses in Burwash didn't want us to fly back that
night and managed to persuade us to spend the night.
By morning the wind had slowed down considerably,
but we didn't need the real runway. The width of the taxi
strip was plenty.
A group of friends who prided themselves on their
intelligence set out to have a contest of wits. Each
person in turn asked a question, and anyone who
volunteered an answer that was wrong dropped out. If no
one could answer,the questioner himself had to answer, and
if he was wrong,he dropped out. Each dropout had to put
$5 into the pot.
Eventually the matter boiled down to Thompson and Brown,
and the erudition of each one boiled up so that both were
held even for half an hour.
Finally Thompson said, "How does a gopher dig a hole
without leaving a mound of sand at the lip?"
Brown thought about that and said, "I can't answer that.
However, since it's your question, you had better answer
it."
Thompson said coolly, as he reached for the accumulated
pile of bills. "Easy. The gopher starts at the bottom of the
hole and that's where he leaves the sand."
"Hold on," said Brown heatedly, grasping Thompson's wrist
to prevent him from taking the pot. "How does the gopher get
to the bottom of the hole in the first place?"
"That's YOUR question," said Thompson as he took the
money.
Today, January 11, in
49 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon River signaling a
war between Rome and Gaul.
1519 Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I died.
1866 The Royal Aeronautical Society was founded in London.
1875 Kwang-su was made emperor of China.
1882 Thomas Edison's central station on Holborn Viaduct
in London began operation.
1896 At Davidson College, several students took x-ray
photographs. They created the first X-ray photographs
to be made in America.
1908 A wireless message was sent long-distance for the first
time from the Eiffel Tower in Paris.
1915 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a proposal
to give women the right to vote.
1915 The U.S. Congress established the Rocky Mountain National Park.
1932 Hattie W. Caraway became the first woman elected to the
U.S. Senate.
1938 Austria recognized the Franco government in Spain.
1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland.
1943 The Office of Price Administration announced that standard
Frankfurters/hot dogs/Wieners would be replaced by
'Victory Sausages.'
1945 During World War II, Soviet forces began a huge offensive
against the Germans in Eastern Europe.
1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not discriminate
against law-school applicants because of race.
1964 Leftist rebels in Zanzibar began their successful revolt
against the government and a republic was proclaimed.
1966 U.S. President Johnson said in his State of the Union
address that the United States should stay in South Vietnam
until Communist aggression there was ended.
1970 The breakaway state of Biafra capitulated and the
Nigerian civil war came to an end.
1971 "All In the Family" debuted on CBS-TV.
1991 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution authorizing
President Bush to use military power to force Iraq out
of Kuwait.
1998 Tyson Foods Inc. pled guilty to giving $12,000 to
former Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy. Tyson was fined
$6 million.
1998 19 European nations agreed to prohibit human cloning.
1998 Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's
office with taped conversations between herself and former
White House intern Monica Lewinsky.
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, gave police
broad authority to stop and question people who run at
the sight of an officer.
2005 NASA launched "Deep Impact". The spacecraft was planned
to impact on Comet Tempel 1 after a six-month, 268 million
-mile journey.
2006 The U.S. Mint began shipping new 5-cent coins to the 12
regional Federal Reserve Banks. The coin has an image of
Thomas Jefferson taken from a 1800 Rembrandt Peale portrait
in which the president is looking forward. Since 1909, when
presidents were first depicted on circulating coins, all
presidents had been shown in profile.
2014 smiled.
|
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Saturday, January 11, 2014, 12:02 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, January 11.
Voting works again!
Please vote!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
an Indiana man who was jailed after trooper on
routine traffic stop finds nearly 50 bombs.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the History section at the bottom:
Today, in
1922 At Toronto General Hospital, Leonard Thompson became the
first person to be successfully treated with insulin.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
|
|
|
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who
can do him absolutely no good.
--- Ann Landers
He who speaks without modesty will find it difficult
to make his words good.
--- Confucius
>From Roland
The couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a
baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told
them that there was a wonderful Russian baby boy available.
The couple accepted him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by
the local college so they each could enroll in night
courses.
After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk
inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby.
In a year or so, when he begins to talk, we want to be
able to understand him."
The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned
from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're
going to be three in this house instead of two."The
husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his
wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the
world."
But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel this way
about my mother moving in with us tomorrow morning ."
Thanks to Nanarina for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Frost Flower
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Andrew Boguslawski,
an Indiana man who was jailed after trooper on
routine traffic stop finds nearly 50 bombs.
Andrew Boguslawski, a 43-year-old Indiana man, was jailed
New Year's Day after police found nearly 50 bombs and a
remote detonating device in his vehicle during a routine
traffic stop for speeding.
According to Ohio State Police, Boguslawski was traveling
85 mph in a 70-mph section of Interstate 70 Wednesday when
Troopers pulled him over for speeding.
When the Trooper approached the window, Boguslawski stated
that he had no weapons or other unlawful materials in his
vehicle. However, the officer saw the handle of a gun between
Boguslawski's legs when he returned to the car with a ticket.
The officer then held Boguslawski at gun point while waiting
for backup to arrive. Officers later recovered 48 explosive
devices, a remote detonating system, additional bomb making
materials, two pistols and two rifles from Boguslawski's
vehicle.
Investigators are working to determine why Boguslawski had
so many explosives and what he intended to do with them
in Ohio.
He was booked into jail and charged with illegal manufacture
or processing of explosives. He remains held in lieu of
$1 million bond.
Tech Support Pits
From: Rita
Re: Lost files
Dear Webby,
Hello! I need to ask you a question about my Documents
settings.I went to click on my Documents this morning and
got a box with instructions that it was not recognized and
to rt click my documents icon then click properties and
check path to target location is correct.So I went there
and clicked on the default thinking maybe this would help.
It only came up as if I had just started it today.I had tons
of pics. and all on there that can never be replaced.
Could you tell me where I might be able to retrieve the
files?
I updated IE, but it has never done this before.
I don't understand how my documents could just disappear
or not work anymore.Never had this problem before.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Love you letters everyday.
Thank you.
Rita in Texas
Dear Rita
IE is bad news, but I don't think it is the cause of this
particular problem. Probably the cat batted the mouse
around and drug the files elsewhere. Or an errant elbow.
Click on START
Search
and search for *.jpg
That will find all the JPG files, and let you drag them back to
where you used to have them, or to a more appropriate
location. The same trick works with .gif, mp3, doc, docx,
and whatever files you are looking for. You will soon find
out where they got drug to.
Chances are they are all at the same place.
This is a chance for you to drag them all to a more convenient
location than the rather klutzy default.
I put them onto the external USB drive into the !! folder.
"!!" is always right near the top and really easy to find.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cooking Pasta or Rice in the Microwave
When we got our first microwave, we were without a stove so
I learned to cook in the microwave. For any type of pasta
or rice:
Put in a microwave safe bowl.
Add twice as much water or other liquid as there is of the
pasta.
Microwave on high.
15 minutes for noodles or small pasta.
20-25 minutes for macaroni or thicker pasta.
30 minutes for rice.
IMPORTANT, stir well after the first 5 minutes. This keeps
the pasta from clumping together. Rice doesn't need to be
stirred.
Drain and use.
Since microwaves vary in their cooking, check 5 minutes
before time. You can use stock, tomatoes in juice, et cetera
for liquid.
When cooking rice, cover and let set for 5-7 minutes and it
will soak up the liquid and will be nice and fluffy.
Source: Experience
By Nightsong
If you add a bit of salt and butter and boiling hot liquid
5 minutes earlier, you can drastically reduce cooking time
and energy use. Keep in mind, on HIGH the Microwave uses just
as much power as the big burner on a stove.
KD and generic copies, which often seems to be from WWII,
or maybe the pyramids, to save on shipping costs and
warehouse space, really benefit from a hot pre-soak.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that
he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should
he do?
His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers,
and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-
cooked meal?"
He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later,
the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day
to see how things had gone.
"I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on
washing the dishes."
"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "I think it's
a wonderful gesture."
"We hadn't started eating yet."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A telephone repairman was working late in a big office
building and became lost.
After a long search of the rambling first floor to find an
exit, he spotted a woman at the end of a corridor.
"Excuse me, can you tell me how do I get outside?" he asked.
"Dial 9," she replied.
Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to
give a few of your loudest screams?"
Patient: "Why, Doc? I didn't feel a thing!"
Dentist: "I know, but there are so many people in the waiting
room right now, and I don't want to miss the five o'clock foot-
ball game."
Today, January 11, in
1569 England's first state lottery was held.
1770 The first shipment of rhubarb was sent to the US
from London.
1815 U.S. General Andrew Jackson achieved victory at the
Battle of New Orleans. The War of 1812 had officially ended
on December 24, 1814, with the signing of the Treaty of
Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached British
troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans.
1861 Alabama seceded from the United States.
1867 Benito Juarez returned to the Mexican presidency,
following the withdrawal of French troops and the
execution of Emperor Maximilian.
1878 In New York, milk was delivered in glass bottles for
the first time by Alexander Campbell.
1902 "Popular Mechanics" magazine was published for the first time.
1913 The first sedan-type car was unveiled at the National
Automobile Show in New York City. The car was manufactured
by the Hudson Motor Company.
1922 At Toronto General Hospital, Leonard Thompson became the
first person to be successfully treated with insulin.
1935 Amelia Earhart Putnam became the first woman to fly solo
from Hawaii to California.
1942 Japan declared war against the Netherlands. The same day,
Japanese forces invaded the Dutch East Indies.
1943 The United States and Britain signed treaties relinquishing
extraterritorial rights in China.
1977 France released Abu Daoud, a Palestinian suspected of
involvement in the massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972
Munich Olympics.
1978 Two Soviet cosmonauts aboard the Soyuz 27 capsule linked
up with the Salyut 6 orbiting space station, where the Soyuz
26 capsule was already docked.
1988 U.S. Vice President George Bush met with representatives
of independent counsel Lawrence E. Walsh to answer questions
about the Iran-Contra affair.
1991 An auction of silver and paintings that had been acquired
by the late Ferdinand Marcos and his wife, Imelda, brought
in a total of $20.29 million at Christie's in New York.
2014 smiled.
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Where to get Crap Cleaner?
Friday, January 10, 2014, 11:06 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, January 10.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to 3
crooks who got jailed for Robbing Woman As She
Lay Dying Of Brain Aneurysm
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Today, in
2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all
women could get the morning-after contraception pill for
free in pharmacies.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
|
|
|
"I don't mind what Congress does,
as long as they don't do it in the streets
and frighten the horses."
--- Victor Hugo
"When you're a professional, you come back no matter
what happened the day before."
--- Billy Martin
"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
--- Socrates
>From Roland
HE MUST PAY!
Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said,
"He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."
Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake.
I am coming to live with you.”
>From Roland:
A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC:
THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC, PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST
WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS. 45% of the women in this country
are on medication for mental illness. That's scary. It means
55% are running around untreated.
-------
If Ruth reads this, you are in trouble, Roland!
Thanks to Cookie for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
California Wine Country
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Daquantrius Shaquill Johnson, Quanique Dontrell Thomas-Hameen,
Keith Byron Heckels Jr., all 19, in Wichita, Kansas
Three crooks got jailed for Robbing a
Woman As She Lay Dying Of Brain Aneurysm
Danielle Zimmerman and family
Three heartless thugs have been arrested after they allegedly
robbed a woman as she lay dying of a brain aneurysm while
picking up dinner for her family at a Wichita Taco Bell
restaurant.
According to police, 43-year-old Danielle Zimmerman suffered
a brain aneurysm as she was traveling through a Taco Bell
drive-thru lane on the evening of Dec. 29. Zimmerman was
later taken to a local hospital where she died the next day.
Paramedics and police were dispatched to the scene after
customers at the restaurant realized that something was
wrong, rushed to Zimmerman's aid and called 911. But in
the short time before Zimmerman received help, the three
goons you see above allegedly paid her a visit first.
Investigators say at least three suspects robbed Zimmerman
as she lay dying in her car. The thieves reportedly made off
with Zimmerman's wedding ring, purse, cell phone and credit
cards.
On Friday, Daquantrius Shaquill Johnson (left) and Quanique
Dontrell Thomas-Hameen (center) were arrested after investigators
received a tip through the Crime Stoppers hotline. Both suspects
are 19 years old. Both suspects had been charged and convicted
of burglary in the past.
A third suspect, 19-year-old Keith Byron Heckels Jr., (right)
was arrested when he turned himself in for an unrelated
probation violation.
Johnson was booked into jail and charged with robbery, criminal
possession of a firearm and probation violation. He remains
held in lieu of $315,000 bond.
Thomas-Hameen was booked into jail and charged with robbery,
failure to appear and driving while suspended. He remains
held in lieu of $200,500 bond.
Heckels was booked into jail and charged with robbery and
probation violation. Bail has not been announced in his case.
--------
I know all about brain aneurisms. My mother died of one at
the same age as Danielle.
I had one at age 38 and another one at 44. In my case, I was
med-evaced from the Yukon to Vancouver, BC, where they sawed
my head open and fixed the busted blood vessel in the brain.
My heartfelt condolences go to Kris Zimmerman and sons, and
I hope those crooks get tuned up and clued in in jail!
Tech Support Pits
From: john
Re: Crap Cleaner
Dear Webby,
I have seen you mention crap cleaner.
I went on google and found several possible downloads.
I was hoping you could tell me witch is the one you recommend.
Some of these type of programs create more problems that they solve.
thank you john
Hi John
Just go to my tool box at http://webby.com/tools
and grab it from there.
That way you get the legitimate one,
with the fewest ads trying to sidetrack you
while getting to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dry Out Paint Before Adding To Trash
I open the cans and let the paint dry out and dispose of
in the trash. I haven't needed to do this in Ocean City,
so I am not sure of their legal disposal rules, which is
probably the best place to start. Make sure you're "green"!
By looneylulu from Ocean City, MD
The reaspn for drying out paint cans is so that they don't
spill and glue a big garbage bag onto the bottom of your
wheelie bin or trash can. That can turn into a very smelly
problem.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Irene
While carpenters were working outside the old house I had
just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had
just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen
asked to use the bathroom.
With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my newly
scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," I said, thinking of a
quick solution. "I'll put down newspapers."
"It's all right, lady," he responded.
"I'm already potty trained."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should
brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here
and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can
just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in
the Bible that the man should brew the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and
showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says:
"HEBREWS"
A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill in the cash reg-
ister of a local grocery store. "Hey, where have you been?
I haven't seen you around here!"
The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos,
went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship. I just got
back to the States recently, went to a couple of baseball
games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"
The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff - church,
church, church..."
Confused the twenty replied: "What's a church?"
Today, January 10, in
1840 The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a standard
charge rather than paid for by the recipient, began in
Britain.
1861 Florida seceded from the United States.
1863 Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of
the London Underground Railway system, from Paddington
to Farringdon Street.
1870 John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil.
1901 Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near
Beaumont, TX.
1911 Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from
an airplane while flying over San Diego, CA.
1920 The League of Nations ratified the Treaty of Versailles,
officially ending World War I with Germany.
1928 The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky.
1949 Vinyl records were introduced by RCA (45 rpm) and
Columbia (33.3 rpm).
1978 The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a Soyuz
capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space laboratory.
1981 In El Salvador, Marxist insurgents launched a
"final offensive".
1984 The United States and the Vatican established full
diplomatic relations for the first time in more than a
century.
1990 Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing
after seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy
protests had saved China from "the abyss of misery."
1990 Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a
$14 billion merger. The new company, Time Warner, was the
world's largest entertainment company.
1994 In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She
had been charged with maliciously wounding her husband John.
She was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity.
2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy
America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever corporate
merger priced at $162 billion. The Federal Trade Commission
(FTC) approved the deal on December 14, 2000.
2001 American Airlines agreed to acquire most of Trans World
Airlines (TWA) assets for about $500 million. The deal
brought an end to the financially troubled TWA.
2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all
women could get the morning-after contraception pill for
free in pharmacies.
2003 North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from the
global nuclear arms control treaty and that it had no
plans to develop nuclear weapons.
2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.3 million feature
length films sold and 50 million television episodes sold.
2014 smiled.
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How to get rid of AOL flags >>>
Thursday, January 9, 2014, 11:07 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, January 9.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an
Oregon Spousal Abuser, who was Busted While
Wearing A "She's Kind Of A Slut" T-Shirt
Details at International Bonehead Awards
From the history part at the bottom:
Today in
1902 New York State introduced a bill to
outlaw flirting in public.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
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|
"I have never understood why it is "greed" to want to keep
the money you've earned, but not greed to want to take
somebody else's money."
--- Thomas Sowell
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Two church members were going door to door,
and knocked on the door of a woman who was
not happy to see them. She told them in no
uncertain terms that she did not want to hear
their message and slammed the door in their
faces. To her surprise, however, the door did
not close and, in fact, bounced back open.
She tried again, really put her back into it,
and slammed the door again with the same result
- the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking
their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a
slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of
them yelled, "Ma'am, STOP!
You knocked out your cat with the first slam.
If you are going to keep doing that, you are going
to get some very expensive vet bills!"
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a
storm, and Little Johnny asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."
Johnny said, "Well I can see why they threw HIM out!"
Click on the picture for the large version
Canola In China
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Michael Wolfer, 23, Hermiston, Oregon
Spousal Abuser Busted While Wearing
A "She's Kind Of A Slut" T-Shirt
The 23-year-old Oregon man was arrested early Saturday
morning for allegedly punching and choking his wife during
an argument in front of their three children, according
to a Hermiston Police Department summary.
Wolfer was booked into the Umatilla County Jail for felony
domestic violence and strangulation, a misdemeanor. He is
locked up in lieu of $11,000 bond.
Perhaps Wolfer’s spouse will wear an “I’m Not With Stupid”
shirt at his next court appearance.
Tech Support Pits
From: Doug
Re: AOL Flag
Dear Webby,
I have never heard anybody calling those chevron forwarding
marks "AOL Flag", but I sure will from now on!
Once upon a time, long, long ago, you mentioned a program
that strips those AOL flags from mails. Do you still have the
link to that program?
Thanks
Doug
Dear Doug
Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools
and look for a n icon that looks like a traffic sign with an
AOL flag on it.
The Program is called "STRIP".
and it's free, really free, without any sleazy tool bars
or browser helpers or hijackers.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Rub Zippers with Candle Wax
You can fix a stuck zipper by running a candle up and
down on the teeth of the zipper. You should then be
able to slide it the back and forth easier.
By Gerique from Cleveland, Ohio
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with
vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon
meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner
waited nervously for the clerics' reaction.
"Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did
they say?"
"Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy
slipping the seeds into their pockets."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit
embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda
was like that. So when she and her new husband
husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there
was any way that they could make it appear that they
had been married a long time.
He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own suitcase."
A couple with three children waited in line at San
Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip
to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched
with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation
as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched
one another.
The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail.
Finally, they reached the ticket window.
"Five tickets, please," the father said.
"Two round trip, three one way."
Today, January 9, in
1793 Jean-Pierre Blanchard made the first successful balloon
flight in the U.S.
1799 British Prime Minister William Pitt the Younger
introduced income tax, at two shillings (10p) in the pound,
to raise funds for the Napoleonic Wars.
1861 The state of Mississippi seceded from the United States.
1894 The New England Telephone and Telegraph Company put the
first battery-operated switchboard into operation in
Lexington, MA.
1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting
in public.
1905 In Russia, the civil disturbances known as the Revolution
of 1905 forced Czar Nicholas II to grant some civil rights.
1929 The Seeing Eye was incorporated in Nashville, TN. The
company's purpose was to train dogs to guide the blind.
1936 The United States Army adopted the semi-automatic rifle.
1969 The supersonic aeroplane Concorde made its first trial
flight, at Bristol.
1972 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth was destroyed by fire
in Hong Kong harbor.
1972 British miners went on strike for the first time since 1926.
1986 Kodak got out of the instant camera business after 10
years due to a loss in a court battle that claimed that
Kodak copied Polaroid patents.
1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Poliakov, 51, completed his
366th day in outer space aboard the Mir space station,
breaking the record for the longest continuous time
spent in outer space.
2002 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was
pursuing a criminal investigation of Enron Corp. The
company had filed for bankruptcy on December 2, 2001.
2003 Archaeologists announced that they had found five
more chambers in the tomb of Qin Shihuang, China's first
emperor. The rooms were believed to cover about 750,000
square feet.
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Wednesday, January 8, 2014, 09:53 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, January 8.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
A New York woman, who was Jailed After Starving
Baby Son To Death, Nearly Starving Daughter To Death
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
|
|
|
When I'm working on a problem, I never think about beauty.
I think only how to solve the problem. But when I have
finished, if the solution is not beautiful,
I know it is wrong.
--- R. Buckminster Fuller (1895 - 1983)
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs,
a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb.
When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer
pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him.
"Does your dog have a license?" he asked.
"Oh, no," the man said, "He doesn't need one;
I usually do the driving."
A man meets a guru in the road. The man asks the guru,
"Which way is success?"
The berobed, bearded sage speaks not, but points to a
place off in the distance.
The man, thrilled by the prospect of quick and easy
success, rushes off in the appropriate direction.
Suddenly, there comes a loud "SPLAT."
Eventually, the man limps back, tattered and stunned,
assuming he must have misinterpreted the message. He
repeats his question to the guru, who again points
silently in the same direction.
The man obediently walks off once more. This time the
splat is deafening, and when the man crawls back, he is
bloody, broken, tattered, and irate. "I asked you which
way is success," he screams at the guru. "I followed
the direction you indicated. And all I got was
splatted! No more of this pointing! Talk!"
Only then does the guru speak, and what he says is
this: "Success IS that way. Just a little PAST splat."
Click on the picture for the large version
Learn to land over there ====>
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Louisa Givens, 21, Ronkonkoma, NY
Jailed After Starving Baby Son
To Death, Nearly Starved
Daughter To Death
Louisa Givens, a 21-year-old New York woman, has been
indicted after she allegedly starved her 10-month-old
son to death.
According to Suffolk County prosecutors, Givens' indictment
came after she was originally arrested on charges seven
months ago.
Police say Givens called 911 on May 19th to report that
she found her son, Kayden Givens, unresponsive and not
breathing. The boy was rushed to Brookhaven Memorial Hospital
where he was pronounced dead.
Kayden's older sister, 2-year-old Ava Johnson, was also
found to be suffering from malnutrition and dehydration. She
was taken to Stony Brook University Hospital where she
required nine days of treatment.
An investigation into the death revealed that Givens had left
the child unattended for at least 17 hours prior to her 911
call. An autopsy and months of toxicology tests revealed
that the boy died from malnutrition and dehydration.
Givens was booked into jail and charged with second-degree
manslaughter, reckless endangerment and endangering the
welfare of a child. Givens remains held in lieu of a
half-million dollar bond.
Tech Support Pits
From: David
Re: Full Size Browser default
Dear Webby,
I've got a stupid question for you. It used to be, when I
clicked on a link that opened a new page, it would come
up as a full new page. Now when I click the link, I get a half
page. I used to know how to change this but I haven't had
to do it for so long that I've forgotten. A little help please.
How do I change the size of a new page?
David
Dear David
Viewing pages full size has gone out of fashion, because
you don't see what might be opening behind it. Also, with
the higher resolutions commonly used nowadays, you can
comfortably have two pages open side by side if you squish
them a bit.
F11 toggles a window to full screen and back.
To set full screen as the default, even though Microsoft has
decided it is a dumb idea and refuses to tell you how to do it,
follow this top secret rigmarole:
Close all browser windows but one.
Open a new window from a link on the remaining window.
Close the old window (not the new one that just opened up).
Adjust the window to be the size you want all the new windows
to be (you cannot use the maximize button for this, you have
to actually squish or stretch the size of the window to be what
you want the windows to automatically open up as).
Hold down the CTRL key while closing the window.
From now on, all your new windows should open up to that
size until perform a similar process telling IE that you want
all new windows to be the new size.
Most likely what occurred is that you manually sized a window
to that size, closed it, and IE remembered that as your
preferred window size.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easing Leg Cramps
My legs tend to cramp at night. I tried elevating on a
pillow but I always lost it at night. So I started
putting my heavier reading pillow, the kind that fits
behind you and props you up, under my legs at night.
I never lose my pillow, and it has really helped with
the leg cramp.
By ann from Climax, NC
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
John and Bob were two of the bitterest golf rivals at the
club. Neither man trusted the others arithmetic. One day
they were playing a heated match and watching each other
like hawks. After holing out on the fourth green and marking
his six on the scorecard, John asked Bob, "What'd you have?"
Bob went through the motions of mentally counting up.
"Six!" he said and then hastily corrected himself.
"No--a five."
Calmly John marked the scorecard, saying out loud "Eight!"
"Eight?" Bob said, "I couldn't have had eight."
John said, "Nope, you claimed six, then changed it to five.
But actually you had seven."
"Then why did you mark down eight?" asked Bob. John told him,
"One stroke penalty, for improving your LIE."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education
program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the
gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older
students. My observations were confirmed the day a new
student walked into our library area and glanced at the
encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf.
"What are all these books?" he asked.
Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias.
"Really?" he said. "Someone printed out the whole CD?"
An irritated father complained to his buddy. "When I was a
kid, my parents sent me to my room without supper if I
misbehaved. But my son has his own color TV, telephone,
computer, every computer game and CD player in his room!"
"So how do you handle it?" his friend asked.
"I send him to MY room!"
Today, January 8, in
1642 Astronomer Galileo Galilei died in Arcetri, Italy.
1675 The first corporation was charted in the United States.
The company was the New York Fishing Company.
1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had
officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of
the Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached
British troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans.
1838 Alfred Vail demonstrated a telegraph code he had devised
using dots and dashes as letters. The code was the predecessor
to Samuel Morse's code.
1856 Borax (hydrated sodium borate) was discovered by Dr.
John Veatch.
1877 Crazy Horse (Tashunca-uitco) and his warriors fought
their final battle against the U.S. Cavalry in Montana.
1886 The Severn Railway Tunnel, Britain's longest, was opened.
1889 The tabulating machine was patented by Dr. Herman Hollerith.
His firm, Tabulating Machine Company, later became
International Business Machines Corporation (IBM).
1900 U.S. President McKinley placed Alaska under military rule.
1908 A catastrophic train collision occurred in the smoke-filled
Park Avenue Tunnel in New York City. Seventeen were killed
and thirty-eight were injured. The accident caused a public
outcry and increased demand for electric trains.
1935 The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy.
1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson declared a "War on Poverty."
1973 Secret peace talks between the United States and
North Vietnam resumed near Paris, France.
1973 The trial opened in Washington, of seven men accused
of bugging Democratic Party headquarters in the Watergate
apartment complex in Washington, DC.
1982 American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) settled the
Justice Department's antitrust lawsuit against it by
agreeing to divest itself of the 22 Bell System companies.
1982 The U.S. Justice Department withdrew an antitrust
suit against IBM.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush collapsed during a
state dinner in Tokyo. White House officials said Bush was
suffering from stomach flu.
1998 Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for his
role of mastermind behind the World Trade Center bombing
in New York.
1998 Scientists announced that they had discovered that
galaxies were accelerating and moving apart and at
faster speeds.
1999 The top two executives of Salt Lake City's Olympic
Organizing Committee resigned amid disclosures that
civic boosters had given cash to members of the
International Olympic Committee.
2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old
pyramid and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet.
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How to get rid of the "Conduit" hijacker?
Tuesday, January 7, 2014, 12:55 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, January 7.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
A California woman, who was arrested for burglaring the
home of an ex, murdering the cat and stealing stuff.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
|
|
|
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into
a committee -- that will do them in.
--- Bradley's Bromide
Red meat is NOT bad for you.
Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you!
--- Tommy Smothers
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Resume bloopers:
"While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment,
I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to
at least partially incorporate the experience enjoyed
heretofore and that it be configured so as to ultimately
lead to the application of more rarefied facets of
financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."
Try the Salvation Army Thrift Shop. They are always
looking for empty shirts.
-------------
"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."
Tell Greg not to apply here either.
-------------
"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed
and my employer does not know I am looking for
another job."
If somebody calls you after 5:30,
it will be a telemarketer.
-------------
My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since
I have no training in meteorology, I suppose
I should try stock brokerage.
Don't call us, we'll call you.
-------------
I am very computer laterate both on Apple, Ipad
and X-box and can sove most oficce chalenges.
Once you beat the computer at Solitaire, try spelling.
-------------
Very proficcient at all office procedures as long
as I can use a computer and have acess to the net.
I already have a facebook account and can upload any
kind of file. Don't call before 11 am.
Don't worry, we won't call after 11 am either.
The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We were
married twenty-five years before he died," she said,
dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those
years."
"Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?"
"I outweighed him by sixty pounds and he was a coward."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Nellie Marie Palacios, Santa Maria, 43, California
A California woman, who was arrested
for burglaring the home of an ex,
murdering the cat and stealing stuff.
Nellie Palacios, a 43-year-old California woman, was jailed
Thursday after she broke into an ex-boyfriend's home and
stabbed a cat to death.
According to the Santa Barbara County Sheriff's Office,
deputies were dispatched to an Orcutt residence at around
3:30 p.m. Thursday after a man called to report that his
ex girlfriend had gone into a home and began removing
several paintings from the walls.
When deputies arrived at the residence, they detained
Palacios at the scene while continuing to investigate
why she was at the residence and what had transpired
inside the home.
Investigators say a search of the property turned up
a cat that had been stabbed to death before it was
placed inside a doghouse located in the yard. Deputies
also recovered a knife from under the doghouse that
was covered with blood and cat hair.
Further investigation revealed that the house didn't
belong to a cousin of her, as she claimed, but instead
belonged to Palacios' ex-boyfriend.
During questioning, Palacios told deputies that she stabbed
the cat in self defense. Several paintings and other items
that had been removed from the home were found inside
her car.
She was booked into the Santa Barbara County jail and
charged with burglary and animal cruelty. Her bail has
been set at $50,000.
Tech Support Pits
From: Ron
Re: How to get rid of "Conduit" hijacker?
Dear Webby,
Evidently I was not awake enough when I was installing some
freeware on a couple of computers because when I looked at
my browsers I had a tool bar for Conduit, so I removed it.
However, now every time I restart the computers I get the
message
“ There was a problem starting C:\users\xxxxxx\AppData\Local\
Conduit\Background container\BackgroundContainer.dll.â€
I have tried everything in my limited knowledge to cure this
problem, so I thought I would come to the expert and see if
he has any thoughts. I am unsure of which site the problem
occurred, because I was doing many downloads to update the
computers. Please help.
Thanks,
Ron R
Dear Ron
Here is the information for getting rid of that Conduit
infection:
http://www.techsupportall.com/how-to-re ... it-search/
Tedious, but not difficult.
You just have to be stubborn and wade through it all to
the very end.
I have a hunch, after that you will be extremely picky about
which "freeware" you really need. Stuff like Conduit really
give freeware a bad name.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easing Leg Cramps
My legs tend to cramp at night. I tried elevating on a
pillow but I always lost it at night. So I started
putting my heavier reading pillow, the kind that fits
behind you and props you up, under my legs at night.
I never lose my pillow, and it has really helped with
the leg cramp.
By ann from Climax, NC
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A missionary discovered a tribe of Indians in the
Amazon, who had never recorded a baptism, confirm-
ation or marriage. The missionary soon rectified the
situation by baptizing and confirming everyone.
He also married every couple that walked by and
desired such.
Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe
had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the
chief which part they enjoyed the most.
"The marriage service," the chief said, smiling.
"We all got new wives!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
This one is a Classic:
After just a few years of marriage filled with constant
arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way
to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had
been at each other's throats for some time and felt that
this was their last straw.
When they arrived at the counsellor's office, the counselor
jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
"What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband
held his long face down without anything to say.
In contrast, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour,
describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After
15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went
over to her, picked her up by her waist, kissed her
passionately and sat her back down.
Afterwards, the wife sat speechless.
The marriage counselor looked over at the husband,
who stared in disbelief. The counselor said to the
husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"
The husband scratched his head and replied:
"I can bring her over on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor
feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the
following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch
about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down,
I called the fire department.
"We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said.
"One guy missed his shot and hit a street light by accident."
When I persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come
down when it gets hungry enough."
How do you know that?" I asked.
"Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" she said.
Two hours later the cat was back, meowing for breakfast.
Today, January 7, in
1558 Calais, the last English possession on mainland France,
was recaptured by the French.
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He
named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto.
1782 The Bank of North America opened in Philadelphia. It was
the first commercial bank in the United States.
1785 French aeronaut/balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard
successfully made the first air-crossing of the English
Channel from the English coast to France.
1789 Americans voted for the electors that would choose
George Washington to be the first U.S. president.
1887 Thomas Stevens completed the first worldwide bicycle
trip. He started his trip in April 1884. Stevens and his
bike traveled 13,500 miles in almost three years time.
1894 W.K. Dickson received a patent for motion picture film.
1896 "Fannie Farmer Cookbook" cookbook was published.
1904 The distress signal "CQD" was established. Two years
later "SOS" became the radio distress signal because it
was quicker to send by wireless radio.
1927 Transatlantic telephone service Service began between
New York and London. 31 calls were made on this first day.
1927 In Hinckley IL, the Harlem Globetrotters played their
first game.
1932 Chancellor Heinrich Brüning declared that Germany
cannot, and will not, resume reparations payments.
1942 The World War II siege of Bataan began.
1949 The announcement of the first photograph of genes was
shown at the University of Southern California, L.A.
1953 U.S. President Harry Truman announced the development
of the hydrogen bomb.
1954 The Duoscopic TV receiver was unveiled this day. The
TV set allowed the watching of two different shows at the
same time.
1959 The United States recognized Fidel Castro's new
government in Cuba.
1975 OPEC agreed to raise crude oil prices by 10%, which
began a time of world economic inflation.
1979 Vietnamese forces captured the Cambodian capital of
Phnom Penh, overthrowing the Khmer Rouge government.
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that
authorized $1.5 billion in loans for the bail out of
Chrysler Corp.
1989 Crown Prince Akihito became the emperor of Japan
following the death of his father, Emperor Hirohito.
1990 The Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed to the public.
The accelerated rate of "leaning" raised fears for the
safety of its visitors.
1996 One of the biggest blizzards in U.S. history hit
the eastern states. More than 100 deaths were later
blamed on the severe weather.
1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky signed an
affidavit denying that she had an affair with U.S.
President Clinton.
1999 U.S. President Clinton went on trial before the Senate.
It was only the second time in U.S. history that an
impeached president had gone to trial. Clinton was later
acquitted of perjury and obstruction of justice charges.
2002 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates introduced a new
device code named Mira. The device was tablet-like and
was a cross between a handheld computer and a TV remote
control.
2009 Russia shut off all gas supplies to Europe through
Ukraine. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin publicly endorsed
the move and urged greater international involvement in
the energy dispute.
2010 Apple's iPad was unveiled.
2014 smiled.
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Sonic Activation Module alert
Monday, January 6, 2014, 10:25 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, January 6.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
A Florida man who was arrested for giving dope,
booze, cigarettes to minor, and letting him drive
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you;
But if you really make them think, they'll hate you.
--- Don Marquis (1878 - 1937)
A fellow doesn't last long on what he has done.
He has to keep on delivering."
--- Carl Hubbell
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Thanks to Dianne for this one:
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his
badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child
screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The
grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William,
we won't be long . . . easy boy."
Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say :
"It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll
be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of
the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice :
"William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be
home in five minutes, stay cool William."
Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather
is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says :
"It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there.
I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your
composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you
just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is
very lucky to have you as his grandad."
"Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little
bastard's name is Kevin."
Bernard, who is noted for his gracious manners, was awakened one
morning at four forty four a.m. by his ringing telephone . . .
"Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an angry
voice. Bernard thanked the caller and politely asked his name
and number before hanging up.
The next morning, at precisely four forty four a.m., Bernard
called his neighbor back . . . "Good morning, Mr. Williams.
I just called to tell you that I don't HAVE a dog."
Thanks to Terry for the picture of a sandpiper she
caught at her creek yesterday.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Rusty Douglas Johnson, 41, Rockledge, Floriduh
Arrested for giving dope, booze,
cigarettes to minor,
and letting him drive
A Rockledge pair has been arrested after police say they
gave a child marijuana, beer and cigarettes and then let
the child drive a car, according to police documents.
Rockledge Police would not release the name, age or sex
of the child, who they say was under the care of the two
people they arrested.
Rusty Douglas Johnson, 41, and Kim Johnson, 32, were
arrested Thursday and booked on charges of child abuse
and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.
Police determined the child was given marijuana during
four separate smoke sessions, according to the documents.
While it sounds like a custody dispute with a vindictive ex,
and the "child" being close to, but not quite 18, the law is
very picky about those things.
Tech Support Pits
From: Wendy
Re: Sonic Activation Module alert
Hi, Webby.
For some reason that I can't fathom I have that silly
"Sonic Activation Module" alert popping up once again.
Why do I have it? How to get rid of it permanently?
And do I need to have computer technician do it?
On another front, how can I tell if my computer is Wireless
compatible?
Thanks for all your help. You're a lifesaver and have saved
all of us lots of money.
Good work,
Wendy
Dear Wendy
That is due to either an incomplete installation of a Sonic
program like Roxio or most DVD reader/writer programs, and
many music programs,
or an incomplete UNinstallation of one of those programs.
The easiest way to fix that is to dig up the CDs, that came
with your computer, look for anything related to DVD, sound,
music,etc., and has the word Sonic on it somewhere.
Then run the installation from that CD again, but don't stop
half way through, even if it is rather tedious.
The other method is to get the troubleshooter for Windows XP,
Windows Vista, and Windows 7:
Program Install and Uninstall Troubleshooter
That might save you from having to search for the installation
CD for that software, but is probably a bit tedious too.
The easiest way to tell if your computer is wireless compatible
is to contact the vendor, who sold you that machine.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Home made Checkers Board
You can make your own checkers game by saving plastic milk
bottle caps. You need two different colors, 12 checkers for
each player. If all your bottle caps are the same color,
color the top of half the caps with permanent marker. Then
make a game board using a square piece of card board.
Use a ruler to measure and draw squares with a marker. A
checker board is 8 by 8 squares of alternating colors,
the same as a chess board.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the
body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against
it. But, if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against
winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public
coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.
This is my position, and I will not compromise."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the
first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the
choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.
All was quiet until the little one started to sing in
a loud voice,
"Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you..."
Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief
sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang.
Apparently, that sound was "Uh oh!"
-------------
The "scientists" in the Antarctic, who believed Al Gore and
in fudging figures more than actual instruments, and got stuck
in real ice, that was not acting according to their wacky
theories, got rescued by a Chinese helicopter ferrying them
in small bunches first to the Chinese ice breaker, which is
also stuck, and then from there to the Australian ice breaker,
which is stuck too.
The French ice breaker, that was going to show off it's awesome
power, appears to have gotten North and South mixed up and is
headed in the wrong direction.
The biggest US ice breaker is now headed there, hoping to open
a channel for the Australian and the Chinese ice breakers, before
the local mid-summer wanes and the weather cools off.
If theose ice breakers don't get out before it gets cold, they
might be stuck there for years.
I find that hilarious!
Today, January 6, in
0871 England's King Alfred defeated the Danes at the Battle
of Ashdown.
1205 Philip of Swabia was crowned as King of the Romans.
1453 Frederick III erected Austria into an Archduchy.
1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to Anne of
Cleves, his fourth wife.
1720 The Committee of Inquiry on the South Sea Bubble
published its findings.
1838 Samuel Morse publicly demonstrated the telegraph
for the first time.
1896 The first American women’s six-day bicycle race was
held at Madison Square Garden in New York City.
1900 In India, it was reported that millions of people were
dying from starvation.
1900 Off of South Africa, the British seized the German steamer
Herzog. The boat was released on January 22, 1900.
1930 The first diesel-engine automobile trip was completed
after a run of 792 miles, Indianapolis, to New York City, NY.
1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and
77,000 Allied casualties.
1950 Britain recognized the Communist government of China.
1967 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces launched a major
offensive, known as Operation "Deckhouse V", in the
Mekong River delta.
1987 After a 29-year lapse, the Ford Thunderbird was presented
with the Motor Trend Car of the Year Award. It was the first
occurrence of a repeat winner of the award.
1994 Figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed on the right leg
by an assailant at Cobo Arena in Detroit, MI. Four men were
later sentenced to prison for the attack, including Tonya
Harding's ex-husband.
1998 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect was launched into orbit
around the moon. The craft was crashed into the moon, in an
effort to find water under the lunar surface, on July 31, 1999.
2013 smiled.
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Pictures floating on a page
Sunday, January 5, 2014, 01:19 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, January 5.
Yes, I know, the voting is not working.
It never does at the begin of the year. Usually by about
the 5th ot 6th of January the good people at the
Ezinefinder have received enough complaints, that they
reset it for the current year.
Since it affects ALL newsletters equally, it's not a big
panic. I'll tell you when they got it fixed.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Speedy topless dope seller
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Too bad you were not here today.
You would have almost laughed yourself a hernia.
We got more snow last night and today I saw Billy with his
green John Deere drive by, to do the neighbor's sidewalk.
So I ran out to catch him.
I usually wear shorts unless I go out.
Well, I was sprinting from the deck towards 2nd Street,
and in the light overcast with no shadows did not see the
hip high snow drift half way to 2nd Street.
When I hit that hip high dune at high speed, I went flying.
Instant Angel.
Yes, complete face plant. Even I had to laugh.
Without my arms being able to touch ground, it was
surprisingly difficult getting up. I did manage, though,
waded through the dune and caught Billy.
It sure would have looked funny, if anybody had watched,
the way I went flying when I hit that snow drift!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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"Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work."
--- Aristotle
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
We were all celebrating our friend's 80th birthday when the
mail arrived. In the mail was a summons for my friend to
appear for jury duty.
My friend called the court clerk. "I received a jury duty
summons, but I have an age exemption."
The clerk said, "Ma'am, you need to fill out an exemption form
to be granted the exemption."
"I did that last year."
"Ma'am, you have to do it every year."
"Why? Are you worried I might get younger ?"
Is the bank account for a girdle business called a
truss fund?
Or is that stretching it a bit.
Thanks to Terry for the picture of a robin she
caught at the creek yesterday.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Claudia Salinas, 27, West Palm Beach, Floriduh
Speedy topless dope
seller arrested
From NYDailyNews
Claudia Salinas, a 27-year-old Florida woman, was jailed
Monday after she was allegedly caught driving naked with
cocaine and a large amount of cash in her car.
According to the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office, Salinas
was stopped by a deputy while driving in the area of
Okeechobee Blvd and Baywinds Drive after she was caught
driving 75 mph in a 25 mph zone.
While approaching the vehicle, the deputy noticed that
Salinas wasn't wearing a top and the car smelled like
marijuana. The deputy asked Salinas to cover herself
and then called in a drug detecting canine unit.
Deputies searched Salinas' car after the dog alerted to
the presence of drugs. Powdered cocaine, crack cocaine
and $1,000 cash was recovered from the vehicle.
She was booked into jail and charged with trafficking
cocaine. Although she was released from jail, she was
re-arrested Monday after violating the terms of her release.
Tech Support Pits
From: Carina
Re: Floating pictures
Dear Webby,
How do I fix pictures of carvings, that I want to sell, into
pictures where they float on the page, like in catalogs?
Thanks
Carina
Dear Carina
Dye a sheet with the exact same color as you have for
your page background, or paint some plywood with that
color. Then set up the items as far in front of that background
as you can, and still have background margins on all sides.
Take the pictures with a remote slave flash at least an arms
length to the side and above the camera, just like old time
photographers did with their flash pans. If you want warmer
colors, use a 250 Watt Quartz worklight, and put some duck
tape over your camera flash. With some cameras you can
disable the flash from the menu.
Once you have the pictures on the computer, use the Magic
Wand selector and select the background. You may have to
use fairly high tolerance to grab all the background, but
be careful not to grab any of the foreground.
Set the background color in your pallette to a solid color
exactly the same as your page background color.
Now, when you hit DELETE, the selected picture background
is deleted and replaced with the page background.
Next set the transparency to the background color.
You may think you got the exact page color, but different
browsers and monitors will show a slight difference. So
just turn the background transparent.
The reason we used closely related colors for the wall
and the cut is because of the fuzzy anti-aliasing used to
smooth the jaggies from the cut. If you ignore that, you
will wind up with amateurish halos around your pictures.
For an extra touch you can add a drop shadow. Use 50%
more blur than offset.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Dip-It to Clean
Stainless Coffee Pots
There is a product called Dip It - you just pour a package
along with boiling water into the pot and all the YUK will
float to the surface and inside is shiny steel! The Dip
It powder works so much better than the cleaner they also
offer - you can find it anywhere!
By Villette R.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A woman went to her dentist to have her dentures
adjusted for the fifth time.
She said they still didn’t fit.
“Well,” said the dentist “I’ll do it again
this time, but no more. There’s no reason why
these shouldn’t fit your mouth easily.”
“Who said anything about my mouth?” the woman
answered.“They don’t fit in the glass!”
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
>Thanks to Dave for this story:
Aaron came home from school one day, all banged up, bloodied, and
bruised. His father asked him what on earth had happened.
"Well, dad, it's like this," Aaron began. "I challenged Larry to a
duel and you know how that goes...I gave him his choice of
weapons."
"Uh huh," said the father. "That seems fair."
"I know...but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his
young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?"
he asked.
"Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened!
I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out
of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back
from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the
cat had eaten it!"
"Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry.
We'll get a new cat tomorrow."
Today, January 5, in
1781 Richmond, VA, was burned by a British naval expedition
led by Benedict Arnold.
1885 The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to
offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation
of farm wagons on trains.
1896 It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm
Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that became
known as X-rays.
1900 In Ireland, Nationalist leader John Edward Redmond
called for a revolt against British rule.
1903 The general public could use the Pacific cable for
the very first time.
1914 Ford Motor Company announced that there would be a
new daily minimum wage of $5 and an eight-hour workday.
1933 Construction of the Golden Gate Bridge began.
1940 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) got its
very first demonstration of FM radio.
1956 In the Peanuts comic strip, Snoopy walked on two legs
for the first time.
1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon ordered the development
of the space shuttle.
1998 U.S. Representative Sonny Bono was murdered.
2002 A 15 year-old student pilot, Charles Bishop, crashed a
small plane into a building in Tampa, FL. Bishop was about
to begin a flying lesson when he took off without permission
and without an instructor.
2013 smiled.
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Don't frantically save during power problems!
Saturday, January 4, 2014, 12:29 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, January 4.
More goofy town names from James:
Study Butte, TX
Titcum Beach, OR
Oral, SD
Lesbos Island, Greece
Wet Beaver Creek, AZ
Assawoman Bay, DE
Blowtown, PA
Bumpass, VA
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida hooker, who texted
her offer to a cop
Details at International Bonehead Awards
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
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Nothing is stronger than habit.
--- Ovid
There is no nonsense so gross that society will not,
at some time, make a doctrine of it and defend it with
every weapon of communal stupidity.
--- Robertson Davies
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into
nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes
easy."
--- Albert Einstein
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
>From Erin
I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was
oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found
a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead.
"Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband.
"What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?"
He was exiled to the old couch in the garage.
Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University
of Maine. To enforce that rule, the management posted this
notice: "Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria."
Next to it, a student added, "Socks can eat wherever they
want."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Schquita Alaysha Warren, Pensacola
Florida hooker arrested
after texting offer to cop
From NYDailyNews
A Pensacola woman was arrested on prostitution charges after
she accidentally solicited an Escambia County Sheriff’s
investigator by cellphone, the Sheriff’s Office said.
The investigator reportedly received a text from an unknown
individual on his county-issued phone asking if he wanted to
“have fun,” the release said.
An investigation revealed the texts were from Schquita
Alaysha Warren, 27, who reportedly believed that the number
belonged to an acquaintance named “Sam,” the release said.
Posing as Sam, the investigator arranged to meet with Warren
at a local motel for paid sex, according to the report.
At the motel, Warren was arrested and charged with prostitution.
Tech Support Pits
From: Dianne
Re: AutoSave
Dear Webby,
In XP and W7 you can set programs to save automatically
every five seconds.
Dianne
Dear Dianne
Itis the saving during a power failure, that corrupts and
trashes hard drives. Windows opens the File Allocation table
to mark down the locations of the saved file. Since an edited
file is usualy in many fragments all over, that is not a
negigible or instant task. If the power goes out while the
file allocation table is open, then most likely your hard
drive is cooked. Dead.
Please refrain from frantically saving while the power
fizzles. I once lost a perfectly good hard drive that way.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Dip-It to Clean
Stainless Coffee Pots
There is a product called Dip It - you just pour a package
along with boiling water into the pot and all the YUK will
float to the surface and inside is shiny steel! The Dip
It powder works so much better than the cleaner they also
offer - you can find it anywhere!
By Villette R.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The 104-year-old building that had served as the priory and
primary student residence of the small Catholic university
where I work was about to be demolished. As the wrecker's
ball began to strike, I sensed the anxiety and sadness ex-
perienced by one of the older monks whose order had founded
the college.
"This must be difficult to watch, Father," I said. "The
tradition associated with that building, the memories of
all the students and monks who lived and worked there. I
can't imagine how hard this must be for you."
"It's worse than that," the monk replied. "I think I left
my iPad in there."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
When I was visiting a friend who lived on the edge of a
wilderness preserve, we drove along a rutted trail, and we
saw a small creek ahead whose bridge was under water.
"We have a serious beaver problem," our friend said. "They
build dams that cause the creek to flood. Forest rangers
take down the dams, and the beavers rebuild them."
As we got closer, we could see a large scoreboard posted
by the bridge.
It read: BEAVERS 6 RANGERS 5
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local
motor-vehicle bureau was packed. The line inched along for
almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his
license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented
to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking
pretty grouchy in this picture."
The woman beside him peered over his shoulder, then
reassured him, "It's okay. That's how you're going to look
when the cops pull you over anyway."
Today, January 4, in
1884 The socialist Fabian Society was founded in London.
1885 Dr. William Grant performed the first successful appendectomy.
1935 Bob Hope was heard for the first time on network radio
1936 The first pop music chart based on national sales was published
by "Billboard" magazine.
1944 The attack on Monte Cassino was launched by the British Fifth
Army in Italy.
1948 Britain granted independence to Burma.
1951 During the Korean conflict, North Korean and Communist Chinese
forces captured the city of Seoul.
1953 Tufted plastic carpeting was introduced by Barwick Mills.
1958 The Soviet satellite Sputknik I fell to the earth
from its orbit. The craft had been launched on
October 4, 1957.
1960 French author Albert Camus died in an automobile
accident at age 46.
1962 New York City introduced a train that operated without
conductors and motormen.
1965 The Fender Guitar Company was sold to CBS for
$13 million.
1974 U.S. President Nixon refused to hand over tape recordings
and documents subpoenaed by the Senate Watergate Committee.
1981 The Broadway show "Frankenstein" lost an estimated $2 M,
when it opened and closed on the same night.
1984 Wayne ‘The Great One’ Gretzky scored eight points
(four goals and four assists) for the second time in his
National Hockey League (NHL) career. Edmonton’s Oilers
defeated the Minnesota North Stars, 12-8. The game was
the highest-scoring NHL game to date.
1990 Deposed Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega was arraigned
in U.S. federal district court in Miami on drug-trafficking
charges.
1991 The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously to condemn
Israel's treatment of the Palestinians in the occupied
territories.
1997 The Greek Cypriot government signed an agreement to
buy S-300 surface-to-air missiles from Russia.
1999 A drifting Nicaraguan fishing boat was found by the
Norwegian oil tanker Joelm. The fisherman had been lost at
sea for 35 days after the engine of their vessel quit.
1999 Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura was sworn
in as Minnesota's 37th governor.
2006 Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the U.S. House of
Representatives, the first woman to hold the position.
2010 In Dubai, United Arab Emirates, the Burj Dubai
(Dubai Tower) opened as the world's tallest tower at
2,625 feet.
2013 smiled.
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Should you try to save during power failurs?
Friday, January 3, 2014, 12:39 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, January 3.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
SC woman stabs fiancee
over wedding color dispute
Details at International Bonehead Awards
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize
or attack the government of my own country. I make up for
lost time when I come home.
--- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing,
you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
The one that's out always looks the best.
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
>From Nanarina
An elderly couple is attending Mass. About halfway through,
the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let
out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one
morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on
another line."
"This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd
like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now."
"He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied.
"Right now I'd say he's sheepish."
Thanks to Alianne for this:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Krysta James, 34, Blythewood, SC
SC woman Krysta James, stabs fiance on
Christmas in wedding colors fight
From NYDailyNews
COLUMBIA, S.C. — Richland County deputies say a 34-year-old
woman stabbed her fiancé on Christmas Day after they argued
over what colors should be used in their wedding.
Investigators say the man was trying to leave a home near
Blythewood after the argument when Krysta James attacked
him around 8:30 p.m. Wednesday.
Deputies say the man was stabbed in the upper body, but his
injuries weren't life-threatening.
James is charged with criminal domestic violence of a high
and aggravated nature. She remains in jail on a $10,000 bond.
The wedding may be postponed or off.
Tech Support Pits
From: Nellie
Re: Saving during power failure
Dear Webby,
Is it true that you should not try to save stuff while the
electricity is failing? I have a few seconds on my UPS
to bridge short blips, but was told not to frantically try
to save anything, in case the blip turns into a longer
outage.
What's the real story?
Nellie
Dear Nellie
That advice is absolutely correct.
If you are trying to save a long document or large
spreadsheet and the write power fizzles out while
saving, you most likely trash that document.
At best, you will be able to re-use the oldest parts
of it, but you most likely will miss the newest ones.
If your data is important to you, get a UPS that can
run your machine for a few minutes and allow you to
properly save and shut down.
Forget about the fakes built into power bars. They are
only good for a second or two, less if you got something
in every outlet of that power bar.
With a real UPS plug ONLY the computer in, and maybe the
monitor. If you can't do a formal save and shut-down by
the light of the monitor, then get one of those $2.49 solar
lawn lights. They won't take precious battery power from
the UPS and give you plenty of light for an orderly
shut-down.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Grocery List in Cell Phone
I keep my grocery list on the "notepad" of my cell phone,
so that when I go to the store, all I have to do is check
on my phone to see what I need. No more forgotten grocery
list at home. I always have my cell phone with me.
By Pam from Pittsburgh, PA
My dad told me that to keep his memory sharp,
he memorizes his shopping list, without ever writing it down.
He is 90+.
So I am now doing the same. Initially I forgot the odd item,
but I am getting better.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods,
then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to
hit across the fairway into another woods.
Finally, after banging away several more times,
he proceeded to hit into a sand trap.
All the while, he'd noticed that the club
professional had been watching.
"What club should I use now?" he asked the pro.
"I don't know," the pro replied.
"What game are you playing?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Two men who work in the same office are talking about their
sons who are in their first year of college.
"You know," says one, "my boy's letters nowadays always
send me to the dictionary."
"You're lucky," says the other. "My son's letters always
send me to the bank."
A couple was having a discussion about family
finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it
weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be
here!"
His wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your
money, I wouldn't be here."
Today, January 3, in
1496 References in Leonardo da Vinci notebooks suggested
that he tested his flying machine. The test didn't succeed
and he didn't try to fly again for several years.
1521 Pope Leo X excommunicated Martin Luther.
1777 The Battle of Princeton took place in the War of
Independence, in which George Washington defeated the British
forces, led by Cornwallis.
1823 Stephen F. Austin received a grant from the Mexican
government and began colonization in the region of the
Brazos River in Texas.
1833 Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands in the
South Atlantic. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the
islands from the British, but Britain took them back after
a 74-day war.
1868 The Shogunate was abolished in Japan and Meiji dynasty
was restored.
1871 Henry W. Bradley patented oleomargarine.
1888 The drinking straw was patented by Marvin C. Stone.
1924 English explorer Howard Carter discovered the sarcophagus
of Tutankhamen in the Valley of the Kings, near Luxor, Egypt.
1925 In Italy, Mussolini announced that he would take
dictatorial powers.
1947 In Trenton, NJ, Al Herrin, passed away at age 92. He had
claimed that he had not slept at all during his life.
1957 The Hamilton Watch Company introduced the first electric
wrist watch.
1959 In the U.S., Alaska became the 49th state.
1961 The U.S. severed diplomatic relations with Cuba.
1962 Pope John XXIII excommunicated Cuban prime minister
Fidel Castro.
1980 Conservationist Joy Adamson, author of "Born Free,"
was killed in northern Kenya by a servant.
1990 Ousted Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega surrendered to
U.S. forces, 10 days after taking refuge in the Vatican's
diplomatic mission.
1993 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Russian President
Boris Yeltsin signed the second Strategic Arms Reduction
Treaty (START) in Moscow.
1998 China announced that it would spend $27.7 billion to
fight erosion and pollution in the Yangtze and Yellow river
valleys.
1999 Israeli authorities detained, and later expelled, 14
members of Concerned Christians. Israili officials claimed
that the Denver, CO based cult was plotting violence in
Jerusalem to bring about the Second Coming of Christ.
2000 Charles M. Schulz's final original daily comic strip
appeared in newspapers.
2004 NASA's Spirit rover landed on Mars. The craft was able
to send back black and white images three hours after
landing.
2013 smiled.
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How to get pictures from CD to email and FB ?
Thursday, January 2, 2014, 10:27 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, January 2.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a
California man, who falls off Bay bridge after
allegedly attempting to throw wife off it.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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It's a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate
gratitude with moderation.
--- Roberto Benigni
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the
hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. The
head nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple
operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
The head nurse said, "She was just trying to comfort you,
what's so frightening about that?"
The patient said, "She wasn't talking to me.
She was talking to the doctor!"
"The first thing I did after being hired as the director of
learning technology at a high school was to change the sign
outside my door -- the one that had my name followed by the
acronym D.O.L.T."
Thanks to Alianne for this:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Xavier McClinton, 47, of Mill Valley, California
California man, who falls off
Bay bridge after allegedly
attempting to throw wife off it.
From NYDailyNews
A California man who plunged from a San Francisco Bay
bridge was trying to throw his wife off when he went over
himself instead, according to a prosecutor.
Authorities say Xavier McClinton, 47, of Mill Valley, was
driving over the San Mateo-Hayward Bridge with his wife of
eight years when he began violently crashing his car in an
attempt to go over the edge, NBC reports.
When the vehicle hit a barrier and could go no further,
McClinton allegedly grabbed the mother of his three
children and forcefully pulled her out of the car.
His wife, identified as Nadia McClinton, was then narrowly
tossed over the edge where Good Samaritans were able to grab
her legs and hold on.
McClinton, however, went over, falling about 15 feet into
the water.
He was rescued by the U.S. Coast Guard and arraigned on one
felony count each of attempted murder and domestic violence.
His wife was treated for a severe gash on the side of her
mouth that required stitches.
Investigators say Xavier McClinton in recent days had been
showing signs of paranoia before the terrifying attack,
CBS reported.
San Mateo County District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe said
McClinton feared that people were trying to break into his
home and kill him. The 47-year-old father contacted
authorities about his irrational behavior just two days
before the attack and submitted to a mental health evaluation,
Mercury News reported.
He was deemed not a danger to himself before being released.
He's being held without bail.
Tech Support Pits
From: Wayne
Re: Loading pictures onto email and FB
Dear Webby,
Just got a new computer [new to me] .. I am a newbie..
to this, but was shown your site where you offered some
limited advice on PCs.. I want to find out just how to
load photos onto email or a web site. I have photos on
a CD.. from drug store.. and would like to send them to
someone or post them on Facebook. Will you help me..
I need a step by step approach, please.
Thanks, Wayne
Dear Wayne
The first step is to get a graphics program,
if you haven't got one.
I use PaintShopPro since the 1980s , but nowadays there
are tons of free ones available. Try a few and settle on one,
that you are comfortable with.
Then reduce the 3 acre pictures from the drugstore to a
practical size, that you can use in email and FaceBook.
You would for example, reduce a family portrait from
4000 x 3000 to
600 x 480
Save the reduced picture under a short, descriptive name,
with no brainless empty spaces in the file name.
Some programs can cope with brainless empty spaces,
but many can't.
After that, you can drag them into emails, or copy them
while showing in the graphics program, and paste them
into emails.
With FaceBook start a message, then click on PHOTO,
click on the wire frame that shows, and then browse to the
picture. That is where the descriptive name, that you gave
it instead of the long number from the drugstore,
will come in handy.
That is all there is to it.
When you are comfortable with this, then we go to
retrieving the pictures straight into the computer,
without going to the drugstore.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Baking Bacon
Cooking bacon in the oven allows you to cook large
quantities of bacon quickly. Just line a cookie sheet
with aluminum foil and lay your bacon flat. Cook at
400 degrees F for 15 to 20 minutes.
Remember to turn on the vent hood, just like you would
if you cooked the bacon on the stove top.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
There are three religious truths:
1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of
the Christian faith.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store
or at Hooters
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A private tutor.
Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"We don't need anyone" they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me.
I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!"
"Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell.
If you can sell just one, you have a job."
He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them
two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.
"How in the world did you do that ?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman,
I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a
urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine
samples."
Morris was gone about 6 hours and they were fixing to close when in
he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets
the buckets down, and reaches in his shirt pocket and produces two
bottles of urine, and sets them on the desk and says "Here's Mr.Brown's
and this one is Mr.Smith's."
"Thats good" they said, "but what's in those two buckets?"
"Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a state
teachers convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy!"
Today, January 2, in
1492 The leader of the last Arab stronghold in Spain
surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to King Ferdinand II
and Queen Isabella I.
1788 Georgia became the 4th state to ratify the U.S.
Constitution.
1842 In Fairmount, PA, the first wire suspension bridge
was opened to traffic.
1859 Erastus Beadle published "The Dime Book of
Practical Etiquette."
1872 Brigham Young, the 71-year-old leader of the Mormon
Church, was arrested on a charge of bigamy. He had 25 wives.
1890 Alice Sanger became the first female White House staffer.
1900 The Chicago Canal opened.
1917 Royal Bank of Canada took over the Quebec Bank.
1935 Bruno Richard Hauptmann went on trial for the
kidnap-murder of Charles Lindberghs baby. Hauptmann was
found guilty and executed.
1942 The Philippine capital of Manila was captured by
Japanese forces during World War II.
1955 Panamanian President Jose Antonio Remon assassinated.
1960 U.S. Sen. John F. Kennedy of Massachusetts announced
his candidacy for the Democratic presidential nomination.
1968 Fidel Castro announced petroleum and sugar rationing
in Cuba.
1971 In the U.S., a federally imposed ban on television
cigarette advertisements went into effect.
1974 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon signed a bill requiring
all states to lower the maximum speed limit to 55 MPH. The
law was intended to conserve gasoline supplies during an
embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries. Federal
speed limits were abolished in 1995.
1996 AT&T announced that it would eliminate 40,000 jobs over
three years.
1998 Russia began circulating new rubles in effort to keep
inflation in check and promote confidence.
2013 smiled.
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Getting rid of download files
Wednesday, January 1, 2014, 01:44 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, January 1.
Click through for full size
Thank you Lillemor!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a Florida woman who was
Jailed After Assaulting Boyfriend
When He Refused To Cuddle With Her
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Re the Gmail malfunction and "DANGEROUS" flag:
>From Doug:
Your letter wasn't being sent to 'spam.
It was being flagged jn my inbox with a 'dangerous'
flag/banner in the letter, and the images and color
blocked.
I removed the promotion 'label' gmail gave your letter,
and added your address to my contacts list, last night.
This morning's letter came through without the red
'dangerous' flag, and all the images and color came through.
Such is life dealing with nerds trying to help my world.
All-in-all, they filter 95% of the spam, protect my world,
but the 'better ideas' slay me.
Happy New Year to you and your loved ones.
Keep safe and take care of yourself.
Cheers,
Doug.
Thanks Doug!
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly
is to fill the world with fools.
--- Herbert Spencer
Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.
--- Claud Cockburn (1904 - 1981)
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Sart, Restart."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game.That's what I said before.
I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a
college student led the way into the den.
"What is the big brass gong and shovel for?" one of his
friends asked.
"That is the talking clock," the man replied.
"How's it work?" the friend asked.
"Watch," the man said and proceeded to give the gong an
ear shattering whack with the shovel.
Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall,
"Knock it off, you idiot! It's two o'clock in the morning!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this:
Click on the picture for the large version
Aetna
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Shavonna Rumph, 31, Manatee County, Floriduh
Jailed After Assaulting Boyfriend
When He Refused To Cuddle With Her
Shavonna Rumph, a 31-year-old Florida woman, was jailed
Saturday after she allegedly assaulted her boyfriend because
he refused to "cuddle" with her.
According to the Manatee County Sheriff's office, Shavonna
and her boyfriend had been drinking Saturday night when
Shavonna expressed that she was in the mood for some "cuddling"
when the couple settled down to sleep.
An argument ensued when the boyfriend, 33-year-old Henry Price,
refused to cuddle with Shavonna. The dispute turned physical
when Shavonna grabbed Henry's shirt, causing it to tear.
When Henry attempted to leave the residence, Shavonna dragged
a table in front of the door to prevent him from leaving. When
that failed to deter Henry from leaving, Shavonna allegedly
grabbed a kitchen knife and threatened Henry with it.
During questioning, Shavonna admitted to grabbing Henry by the
shirt when he refused to "cuddle" with her but denied
threatening him with a knife.
She was booked into the Manatee County Jail and charged with
battery domestic violence.
Tech Support Pits
From: Loretta
Re: Getting rid of old download files
Dear Webby,
I believe I read somewhere that after updates to programs
had been received and installed, then those updates could
be deleted and one would have more space on the computer.
Is that true, and if so, how do I do it?
Loretta
Dear Loretta
If you are reasonably disciplined and always download updates
into a download directory, for example C:\downloads, then
it is easy. Then you just clean out that folder.
However, if you don't pay attention and just download them to
anywhere, then it becomes almost impossible.
Usually, the downloads don't amount to very much, since they
are zipped up or compressed in some fashion. If you are so
cramped for space that deleting the download files would
make a significant difference, then you are way overdue for
a bigger hard drive.
You can hunt down ".zip" files and delete those.
CrapCleaner also makes extra space for you. You can download
CrapCleaner from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Lemon Air Freshener
To freshen the air in your kitchen, especially after cooking
fish or cabbage, place a whole, unpeeled lemon in a 300
degree F oven for about 15 minutes, leaving the door slightly
open. Turn off the oven and let the lemon cool before removing
it. You can also boil lemon rind in water for a citrus scent.
If you use the whole lemon make a pot of lemon tea after
removing it from the oven by placing the lemon (sliced) into
boiling water and add sugar as needed.
By joesgirl
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female,
faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came
down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them,
"That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you
both to life for thirty minutes and in that time, you can do
anything you want." With a clap of his hands, the angel brought
the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the
bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling,
laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes,
wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking
knowingly.
Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the
male statue and said,
"Great! Only this time, you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap
on its head."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A group of American tourists were being guided through an
ancient castle in Europe.
"This place," the guide told them, "is 1600 years old. Not a
stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing
replaced in all those years."
"Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same
landlord I have."
The preacher spent his whole sermon relating the evils of
sin and how all men are sinners with no exceptions.
At the end of the sermon he asked rhetorically, "Now does
anyone here think they are without sin?"
He had only to wait a few seconds before a man in one of the
back pews stood up.
The pastor asked the man who had the audacity to stand after
such a fiery sermon, "Sir, do you really think you are completely
without sin?"
The man quickly answered, "No sir, I'm not standing up for
myself, but for my wife's first husband."
Today, January 1, in
0404 The last gladiator competition was held in Rome, an early
form of all-star wrestling.
1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning of
the New Year (instead of March 25th).
1772 The first traveler's checks were issued in London.
1797 Albany became the capital of New York state, replacing
New York City.
1801 The Act of Union of England and Ireland came into force.
1801 Italian astronomer Giuseppe Piazzi became the first person
to discover an asteroid. He named it Ceres.
1804 Haiti gained its independence.
1808 The U.S. prohibited import of slaves from Africa.
1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation,
which declared that all slaves in the rebel states were free.
1887 Queen Victoria was proclaimed empress of India in Delhi.
1892 Ellis Island Immigrant Station formally opened in New York.
1894 The Manchester Ship Canal was officially opened to traffic.
1898 Manhattan, the Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens and Staten Island
were consolidated into New York City.
1901 The Commonwealth of Australia was founded. Lord Hopetoun
officially assumed the duties as the first Governor-General.
1902 The first Tournament of Roses (later the Rose Bowl)
collegiate football game was played in Pasadena, CA.
1909 The first payments of old-age pensions were made in
Britain. People over 70 received five shillings a week.
1913 The post office began parcel post deliveries.
1924 Frank B. Cooney received a patent for ink paste.
1926 The Rose Bowl was carried coast to coast on network
radio for the first time.
1934 Alcatraz Island officially became a Federal Prison.
1956 Sudan gained its independence.
1958 The European Economic Community (EEC) started operations.
1959 Fidel Castro overthrew the government of Fulgencio Batista,
and seized power in Cuba.
1968 Evel Knievel, stunt performing daredevil, lost control
of his motorcycle midway through a jump of 141 feet over
the ornamental fountains in front of Caesar’s Palace in
Las Vegas.
1971 Tobacco ads representing $20 million dollars in
advertising were banned from TV and radio broadcast.
1973 Britain, Ireland, Denmark and Norway joined the EEC.
1975 The magazine "Popular Electronics" announced the
invention of a personal computer called Altair. MITS,
using an Intel microprocessor, developed the computer.
1979 The United States and China held celebrations in
Washington, DC, and Beijing to mark the establishment
of diplomatic relations between the two countries.
1981 Greece joined the European Community.
1984 AT&T was broken up into 22 Bell System companies under
terms of an antitrust agreement with the U.S. Federal
government.
1986 Spain and Portugal joined the European Community (EC).
1987 A pro-democracy rally took place in Beijing's Tiananmen
Square (China).
1993 Czechoslovakia split into two separate states, the
Czech Republic and Slovakia. The peaceful division had
been engineered in 1992.
1994 The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) went
into effect.
1995 The World Trade Organization came into existence. The
group of 125 nations monitors global trade.
1998 A new anti-smoking law went into effect in California.
The law prohibiting people from lighting up in bars.
1999 In California, a law went into effect that defined
"invasion of privacy as trespassing with the intent to capture
audio or video images of a celebrity or crime victim engaging
in a personal or family activity."
2013 smiled.
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Tuesday, December 31, 2013, 12:38 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, December 31.
How are your resolutions coming along?
Are you going to have one ready, in case somebody asks you?
if you don't, they WILL ask you!
Click through for full size
Thank you Claude!
Please send me your email address!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a fake cop in Floriduh, who got caught the second time
for pulling over a real cop.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
A few subscribers got a wacky notice from Gmail about HTML
emails being used to steal information.
Don't worry.
The sniveling ninnies attach that to some HTML based mails.
Feel free to tell them to grow up.
The DearWebby Humor Letter has been in HTML format
for almost twenty years and does not harvest any private
information. Maybe they want you to learn how to make
filters to exclude legitimate mail from their sniveling.
If YOU got that silly warning, tell them they are being
a silly nuisance and to stop that nonsense.
Hilarious news from the Antarctic:
Gullible Warming "scientists" on the Russian ship MV Akademik
Shokalskiy,trying to prove that manmade CO2 causes Gullible
Warming, ahem Climate Change, are stuck in the ice.
A big, huge Chinese icebreaker trying to get to them,
is now ALSO stuck. A French and an Australian icebreaker
are heading towards them. They hope to at least get the
Chinese icebreaker loose.
It is mid summer in the Antarctic, and going to cool off soon.
Those "scientists", pretending to be able to predict the
climate for the next 300 years, apparently failed to predict
the climate a week ahead.
I could have told them. Look what happened in the early 70's.
Due to cycles, we got a replay.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.
--- Claud Cockburn (1904 - 1981)
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
The Math Professor. posed this problem:
"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars.
One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-third is to go to his son
from his first marriage, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest
to charity. Now, what does each get?"
A student in the back of the room answered, "A lawyer?"
An eighty-five-year-old couple, married for almost
sixty years, died in a car crash. They had been in good
health the last ten years, mainly as a result of her
interest in health food and exercise.
When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them
to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful
kitchen and a master bath suite with a sauna and
Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked
Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free,"
Peter replied. "This is heaven."
Next they went out back to survey the championship golf
course that the home backed up to. They would have
golfing privileges every day, and each week the course
would change to new one that represented one of the
great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What
are the green fees?" Peter's reply: "This is heaven;
you play for free."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish
buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.
"How much to eat?" asked the old man.
"Don't you understand yet? This is heaven; it is free!"
Peter replied with some exasperation.
"Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?"
the old woman asked timidly.
Peter lectured, "That's the best part: You can eat
as much as you like of whatever you like and you
never get fat and you never get sick. This is heaven."
With that, the old man threw down his hat, stomped on
it, and shrieked wildly. Peter and his wife both tried
to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old
man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your
fault. If it weren't for your stoopid bran muffins,
we could have been here twenty years ago!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this:
Click on the picture for the large version
ANTARCTICA-SHIP-stuck-in-global-warming
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Johnathan Stevens, 24, in Tampa, Floriduh
Fake cop jailed for pulling over real cop
Reported by Tom
A Manatee County man has been charged with impersonating a
police officer.
Police say 24-year-old Jonathan Stevens was arrested in Tampa
over the weekend after flagging down a police officer. He
had flashing red and blue lights on his SUV, and had a gun
and a badge around his neck.
"The officer was suspicious. It just didn't seem right to
her," said TPD spokesperson Andrea Davis.
Stevens' car was not from a government agency, and he was
not a government employee. Police say he admitted to making
the whole thing up, and it's not the first time.
In September, the Manatee Sheriff's Office says he pulled
over a driver in the parking lot of the Ellenton Outlets.
He also faces charges related to that incident.
Tech Support Pits
From: Maggie
Re: Family Tree Maker
Dear Webby:
do you have a family tree maker? maggie
maggie
Dear Maggie
Three subscribers responded:
From Leon
Either of the following are good programs,
I have used both and am pleased with them:
"Family Tree Maker"
"Roots Magic"
They are both user friendly and easy to use.
Leon
-------
From Jessie
Hi Dear Webby,
I've used Family Tree Maker for genealogy over 15 years.
It's easy to use and offers help if you have a problem.
I've tried other programs, but have better luck with FTM
than any others.
Jessie
--------
From Noella
Regarding ancestry programs:
My mom was very much into geneaology for many, many years
and she used PAF (Personal Ancestral File). As I googled
to find the website, I notice it is still available, but
will no longer have "support" services. There are three
alternative programs suggested on their page. The site
is run by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
and is FREE. According to her it is the best around as
the church members have been into geneaology for many,
many, many years.
https://familysearch.org/paf
Noella
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Mop And Glo To Shine Your Old Car
First of all, do not try this on any car that you care
about! I had an old, old Toyota and the paint was very dull
and had lost it's shine. I tried something very simple to
renew the shine. I used Mop and Glo on it and, wow, what a
shine. I know my neighbors thought I was crazy, but it
worked and looked good.
By Jackie from Orlando, FL
Yes, sure it works, just make sure you thoroughly scrub it
perfectly clean first. Does wonders on fake leather dash too.
Don't use it to clean, just to seal cleaned surfaces and
make them shine.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm
afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these
days."
The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed,
"Hey, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a
woman having two sets of tonsils?"
"No," the husband retorted, "but you've heard of a widower
marrying again, haven't you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Judi had just returned to the United States from a month-long
trip to Europe. She'd been to England, France, Spain, Italy,
Germany, and Switzerland. Bob met her at the airline
gate, hugged her, and asked, "So, how was your trip?"
"Oh, it was terrible,." she replied,
"The scenery was nice, but the whole place is just full
of foreigners."
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their
truck. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
"Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something...
but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the
deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig
into the ground."
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later one hunter said to the other,
"You know, that guywas right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah," the other added,
"but we're getting farther away from the truck."
» To Next Year
|
 Wishing you
a
Frantic Foist!
from Dianne!
Click on the picture for full size |
Today, December 31, in
1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape
of Good Hope, where they would later create the South
African wine industry with the vines they took with
them on the voyage.
1695 The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted
in many windows being bricked up.
1775 The British repulsed an attack by Continental Army
generals Richard Montgomery and Benedict Arnold at Quebec.
Montgomery was killed in the battle.
1857 Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the
capital of Canada.
1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of
incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ.
1891 New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis
Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive
numbers of arrivals.
1923 In London, the BBC first broadcast the chimes of Big Ben.
1929 Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played "Auld Lang Syne"
as a New Year's Eve song for the first time.
1946 U.S. President Truman officially proclaimed the end of
hostilities in World War II.
1955 General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to
earn more than one billion dollars in a single year.
1960 The farthing coin, which had been in use in Great
Britain since the 13th century, ceased to be legal tender.
1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold
for the first time in more than 40 years.
1978 Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final
time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The event
marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S.
1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the
start of 1979.
1997 Michael Kennedy, 39-year-old son of the late U.S. Sen.
Robert F. Kennedy, was killed in a skiing accident on
Aspen Mountain in Colorado.
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime Minister
Vladimir Putin was designated acting president.
1999 Sarah Knauss died at the age of 119 years. She was the
world's oldest person. She was born September 24, 1880.
2013 smiled.
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Monday, December 30, 2013, 12:43 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, December 30.
Thank you Claude!
Please send me your email address!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a Florida woman, who set her ex-fiance's house on fire
Details at International Bonehead Awards
How are your resolutions coming along?
Are you going to have one ready, in case somebody asks you?
if you don't, they WILL ask you!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three
major categories - those that don't work, those that break down
and those that get lost.
--- Russell Baker (1925 - )
Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the
absolute rejection of authority.
--- Thomas H. Huxley
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
A man walked into a bar and with a disconcerted look on his
face immediately called out, "Who is the owner of that
Saint Bernard tied up outside?"
Another man looked over and replied, "It's mine. His name's
Rudy. Why do you ask?"
The first man walked up to him, put an arm on his shouldner
and said, "I'm sorry, but my dog just killed your dog."
The owner of the dog was shocked. "Are you kidding me?! It's
a Saint Bernard! That dog is huge! He's bigger than my car!"
The first man nodded in agreement and then said:
"Well, he choked on my Chihuahua."
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change,
and then goes back and says to the cashier,
"Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"
Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't
make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do
about it now. That's the policy of this bank!"
Customer: "Well, okay, if you insist. Just thought you'd like
to know you gave me hundred dollars too much.
Bye."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jill Marie Batchelor, 48, Rockledge, Floriduh
a Florida woman, who set her
ex-fiance's house on fire
A 48-year-old woman who police say was annoyed by her
ex-fiancé’s request for her to leave his house by New Year’s,
remains jailed on charges she deliberately set off a
Christmas Day fire in front of her children that gutted
the man’s home.
No one – including the woman’s 14-year-old son and family
pets - was injured in the fire.
Jill Marie Batchelor, of Rockledge, was charged with
first-degree arson and child abuse after Rockledge Police
were called to a home at 1044 Bernice Rd., to investigate
a disturbance.
Rockledge firefighters were also called out to douse the
flames and smoke that spread through the home. “I’m told
that nothing was salvageable and that the home was seriously
damaged,” said Donna Seyferth, spokeswoman for the Rockledge
Police Department.
Police say Batchelor’s boyfriend has told her several days
before that she would have to leave the home and find somewhere
else to live.
On Christmas morning, the man, ‘left the house to stave off
any problems, and avoid being blamed for any expected violence'
police said.
Police, however, said Batchelor, identified by the butterfly
tattoo on her knee, was at the home about 9 a.m. and was seen
by at least one witness lighting matches and throwing them
on the floor of the home. Batchelor also stacked up a pile
of stuff, set them on fire and added more to the rising flames
before it grew out of control, police said.
Police are also familiar with Batchelor, Seyferth said.
Batchelor was taken to the Brevard County Detention Center
in Sharpes where she remains under a special watch, records
show. She will go before a judge for a first appearance
on Friday.
Tech Support Pits
From: Maggie
Re: Family Tree Maker
Dear Webby:
do you have a family tree maker? maggie
maggie
Dear Maggie
Unfortunately, I don't.
But that reminds me of a story my dad told me about
50 years ago. Seems he overheard some kid telling his father
that he had learned in school that people were descendants
of apes. Apparently the father blew up and yelled at his kid:
"Nonsense! YOU might have decended from an ape,
but I sure didn't!"
If any of you have a program that you can recommend to
Maggie for enumerating who climbed down from the tree
whith whom, and who descended from that, please send me the
info and I'll list it here.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Jars for Drinking Glasses
After pricing drinking glasses in the store, I bought
a case of a dozen pint canning jars for about 1/3 the
cost. I enjoy the "country" look, and can use the jars
next fall to can.
By Sandra
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Marnie
Dear Webby, can you please bring that bricklayer's accident
report again? I was hoping you would without me asking, but
I think I waited long enough. I am getting on in years, ya know.
Marnie
Dear marni
Sure! Here it is:
Accident Report Form
I am writing in response to your request for additional
information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report
Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my
accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain
more fully, and I trust the following details will be
sufficient.
I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident
I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building.
When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500
pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down
by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using
a pully, which fortunately was attached to the building
at the 6th floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof,
swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then
I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it
tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of
bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident
Reporting Form, that I weigh 145 pounds.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so
suddenly, I lost my presence-of-mind and forgot to let go
of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a high rate
up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, I met the barrel coming
down--this explains the fractured skull and broken collar
bone.
Slowed, only so slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not
stopping until the fingers of my hand were 2 knuckles deep
into the pully. Fortunately, by this time I had regained
my presence-of-mind, and was able to hold tightly to the
rope inspite of my increasing pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of
bricks hit the ground and the bottem fell out of the barrel.
Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed
approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in
block number 3, and as you might imagine--I began a rapid
decent down the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the 3rd floor, yes, I met the barrel
coming up, this accounts for the 2 fractured ankles, and the
lacerations on my legs and lower body....
The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my
injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately,
only 3 vertebrae were cracked....
I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the pile
of bricks, in pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty
barrel 6 stories above me, I again lost my presence-of-mind,
and let go of the rope. The empty barrel weighed more than the
rope--so it came down on me and broke both my legs....
I trust I have furnished you the information you require as to
how this accident occurred
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
>Thanks to Chris for this story:
My wife and her friend were talking about their
labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway.
Her friend said, "I love my new garage-door opener."
"I love mine too," my wife replied, and she honked the
horn three times.
That was the signal for me to come out
and open the garage.
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying
a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and
neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife
sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Today, December 30, in
1460 At the Battle of Wakefield, in England's Wars of the
Roses, the Duke of York was defeated and killed by the
Lancastrians.
1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of
land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase.
1880 The Transvaal was declared a republic. Paul Kruger
became its first president.
1887 A petition to Queen Victoria with over one million
names of women appealing for public houses to be closed
on Sundays was handed to the home secretary.
1903 About 600 people died when fire broke out at the
Iroquois Theater in Chicago, IL.
1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was formed.
1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galactic
systems.
1927 The first subway in the Orient was dedicated in Tokyo
1935 Italian bombers destroyed a Sweedish Red Cross unit
in Ethiopia.
1936 The United Auto Workers union staged its first sit-down
strike, at the Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI.
1940 California's first freeway was officially opened. It was
the Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles and Pasadena.
1944 King George II of Greece proclaimed a regency to rule
his country, virtually renouncing the throne.
1947 King Michael of Romania abdicated in favor of a
Communist Republic. He claimed he was forced from his throne.
1953 The first color TV sets went on sale for about $1,175.
1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of North Vietnam.
1993 Israel and the Vatican established diplomatic relations.
2013 smiled.
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Sunday, December 29, 2013, 12:56 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, December 29.
No more Sundays after this one
for the whole rest of the year!
Thank you Claude!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
an idiot, who huffed compressed air, and
plowed into cars parked at restaurant
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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There's no point in being grown up
if you can't be childish sometimes.
--- Doctor Who
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Two friends were driving to the store and on the way, they came
upon an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red, but
the driver went right through the red light. The passenger
screamed at the driver, "What are you doing? You're going to
get us killed!"
The drive said, "Don't worry, my mother always drives like this."
Later on, they came to another stoplight which was red. The
driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked
at the driver and said, "I thought I told you, you're gonna get
us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!"
The driver said, "All right! I get it, but I told you my mother
drives like this all the time."
They came to another intersection, but this time the light was
green. The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car
completely. The passenger yelled, "What are you doing now?
This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you
stop at a green light?"
The driver said, "My mother might be coming the other way."
One day, a man got drunk in a bar and started a fight.
The police came and took the drunk man to jail.
The next day the man went before the judge.
The judge asked him, "Where do you work?"
The man said, "Here and there."
The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?"
The man said, "This and that."
Then the judge said, "Take him away."
The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?"
The judge laughed and said, "Sooner or later"
Click on the picture for the large version
Birderozerus
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Andrew Jonathan Ecker, 23, Boynton Beach, Floriduh
an idiot, who huffed compressed air, and
plowed into cars parked at restaurant
A man police say was driving dopey on compressed air plowed
through bushes and crashed into three cars parked in a
TGI Friday's parking lot Monday, according to a Boynton
Beach Police arrest report.
Police said Andrew Jonathan Ecker, 23, who has no fixed
address, was heading north on North Congress Avenue just
south of Old Boynton Road at about 11 p.m. when he veered
off the road.
He passed out after "huffing" a compressed air can, then
drove over a sidewalk, through bushes and into the parked
cars in the restaurant parking lot at 382 N. Congress Ave.,
according to the report.
An officer at the scene said he found Ecker in the driver's
seat of the still running blue 2007 BMW 328XI, which had
its air bag deployed.
Boynton Beach Fire Rescue gave Ecker first aid but said
he refused to be taken to a hospital, insisting he was fine.
First responders took him to Bethesda Memorial Hospital
anyway, because they believed he possibly had a head injury.
Police said Ecker refused to give a blood, breath or urine
sample after being asked twice.
Under the driver's seat, an officer discovered the
compressed air can. A records check revealed Ecker's
driver's license had been suspended after an unpaid
traffic ticket, according to the report.
The officer said Ecker told him he left Walmart and was
on his way to the Ashley Lake Development in Boynton Beach
when he started huffing the compressed air can and
passed out.
Ecker awoke to find police and bystanders asking him if he
was okay.
He faces inhaling a harmful chemical substance and driving
on a suspended license charges and was booked into Palm
Beach County Jail where he is held in lieu of $1,500 bail.
-----------------------
I have long lost track of how many times I have thundered
against those stoopid compressed air cans. They are totally
useless and if there are idiots around, they will abuse them.
For cleaning purposes they are totally moronic. Why would
anybody blow any dirt or dust into harder to reach places?
DUH!
Those cans don't have just air in them. They have a low grade
waste refrigerant in there as a propellant. When the pressure
in the can drops, it evaporates and adds itself to the air.
That refrigerat production waste product does not produce a
high when huffed, not like the Nitrous Oxide in whipped
cream cans. All it does is make the huffer pass out.
For morons that twilight on the edge of passing out, similar
to the relaxed feeling on the edge of falling asleep after
a hard day's work, is the substitute for a real high, that
the idiots are after.
Unlike falling asleep in bed or on the couch, getting hammered
with a refrigerant production waste product, causes brain damage.
Considering that only real idiots huff those compressed air cans,
letting those real idiots make themselves even dumber is pretty
stoopid too.
Here those cans are outlawed, and as far as I am concerned,
they should be outlawed everywhere.
If you see any of those "Compressed Air" cans, pitch a temper
tantrum at whoever bought them, and trash the cans.
Tech Support Pits
From: Christina
Re: Notice to appear
Dear Webby,
I keep getting these notices to appear in a court in
New York, and that I am supposed to download court forms
and fill them out. I remember you telling me, if anything
is suspicious and I don't really and absolutely need it,
to dump it.
I have never been anywhere near New York, neither the town
nor the state, so it seems phony.
What do you recommend?
Christina
Dear Christina
Most of us get that phony crap. Just dump the attached zip
file into the trash, and then use CrapCleaner to dump the
recycle bin.
If you hover the mouse over that attachment in the email,
the status line should show you WHERE the attachment is parked.
I use Eudora, and have it set to put all attachments into the
!
folder on the removable USB drive.
That makes it easy to find craap like that. I sort that folder
by date, and it is right on top.
Some sneaky stuff comes with a forged older date, to hide
way down. So I sort by name and get it that way, or by type.
Zip files are at the bottom, and easy to dump.
No matter what method you use, go after that attachment
and nuke it.
Then dump the email. Don't waste time replying. The address
is probably phony anyway. Just dump it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Remove Condensation
from Car Windows
When your windshield steams up on you, a clean blackboard
eraser kept in the glove compartment of your car or truck
can be quite handy for wiping off the moisture. The eraser
is less bulky than a cloth and doesn't shed lint on the
glass.
By duckie-do from Cortez, CO
Before entering a tunnel it is important to open a side
window or crank up hot air to the windshield. Most tunnels
are a bit cooler and tend to cause some fogging of your
windshield. Be prepared for that to happen to other drivers
and them suddenly slowing down or doing silly stuff, like
searching for anything to wipe their windshield.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
In England they use 999 instead of 911.
In December they usually experience a 15% increase in fake
emergency calls.
A woman in a nightclub phoned for an ambulance after
breaking a fingernail.
Another woman dialed 999 saying a mouse had swallowed
her medicine.
Other calls included a man who needed someone to change
the television channel, a man who had a dream he was
unconscious and had collapsed and a caller who wanted a
can of pop out of the fridge.
They were among thousands of timewasters revealed to have
blocked 999 lines.
The North East Ambulance Service also highlighted the growing
number of revellers who call an ambulance to save queuing
for taxis. They fake injury then wrongly assume ambulance
staff will take them home after treatment.
"One was from a woman who said her boyfriend was drunk and
she needed help to get him upstairs to bed. Another was
from someone who wanted us to deliver a takeaway to them."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
"Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?"
"No, but that didn't keep her from screaming for two hours."
Being a husband is like any other job . . .
It helps a lot if you like the boss.
Today, December 29, in
1170 St. Thomas à Becket, the 40th archbishop of Canterbury,
was murdered in his own cathedral by four knights acting
on Henry II's orders.
1812 The USS Constitution won a battle with the British ship
HMS Java about 30 miles off the coast of Brazil. Before
Commodore William Bainbridge ordered the sinking of the
Java he had her wheel removed to replace the one the
Constitution had lost during the battle.
1813 The British burned Buffalo, NY, during the War of 1812.
1837 Canadian militiamen destroyed the Caroline, a U.S.
steamboat docked at Buffalo, NY.
1848 U.S. President James Polk turned on the first gas
light at the White House.
1860 The HMS Warrior, Britain's first seagoing iron-hulled
warship, was launched.
1890 The U.S. Seventh Cavalry massacred over 400 men,
women and children at Wounded Knee Creek, SD. This was
the last major conflict between Indians and U.S. troops.
1895 The Jameson Raid from Mafikeng into Transvaal, which
attempted to overthrow Kruger's Boer government, started.
1911 Sun Yat-sen became the first president of a
republican China.
1913 "The Unwelcome Throne" was released by Selig’s
Polyscope Company. This was a moving picture and the
first serial motion picture.
1934 Japan renounced the Washington Naval Treaty of
1922 and the London Naval Treaty of 1930.
1940 During World War II, Germany began dropping
incendiary bombs on London.
1952 The first transistorized hearing aid was offered
for sale by Sonotone Corporation.
1975 A bomb exploded in the main terminal of New York's
LaGuardia Airport. 11 people were killed.
1986 The Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables, FL, reopened
for business after eighteen years and $47 million
expended on restoration.
1989 Following Hong Kong's decision to forcibly repatriate
some Vietnamese refugees, thousands of Vietnamese
'boat people' battled with riot police.
1996 The Guatemalan government and leaders of the leftist
Guatemalan National Revolutionary Union signed a peace
accord in Guatemala City, ending a civil war that had
lasted 36 years.
1997 Hong Kong began killing 1.25 million chickens, the
entire population, for fear of the spread of 'bird flu'.
1998 Khmer Rouge leaders apologized for the 1970s genocide
in Cambodia that claimed 1 million lives.
2013 smiled.
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Fix Download destinations
Saturday, December 28, 2013, 10:11 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, December 28.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a 27 year old who got jailed for "Knockout Game"
Attack On 79-Year-Old Victim
Details at International Bonehead Awards
West wind is melting the berms on the side, water
runs into the road and into the sidewalks, where
it freezes.
YeeeHaw!!!!
Copper does not like it, when I suddenly pass him,
without hearing any steps. That sliding stuff freaks
him out. He got used to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory
future is, in fact, a return to the idealised past.
--- Robertson Davies
If you haven't found something strange during the day,
it hasn't been much of a day.
--- John A. Wheeler
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
The doctor has just finished giving the young man a thorough
physical examination.
"The best thing for you to do," the M.D. said, "is give up
drinking and smoking, get to bed early and stay away from
women."
"Doc, I don't deserve the best," said the patient. "What's
second best?"
Thanks to Louise for this story:
ONE DAY a young man came up to my window at the bank and
whispered, "Please deposit this hundred dollars in my savings
account."
I handled the transaction and whispered back,
"Have a good day."
He started to leave but changed his mind.
"I'm sorry we have to whisper," he said,
"but if my car knows I've deposited money,
it'll break down again."
With his finger to his lips he tip-toed out.
Click on the picture for the large version
Asian Rain Forest Fishing
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Alan Evans, 35, Santa Rosa, California
Jailed for trying to eat his
girlfriend, with a knife
On 12/24/2013 at approximately 6:30 pm, deputies were
dispatched to the 5000 block of Hall Road, Santa Rosa for
a report of a disturbance. The victim called after she
ran to a neighbors house because her roommate had
attacked her.
Upon arrival in the area deputies contacted the victim who
told them that her roommate came home and was talking
incoherently and making no sense. The suspect for no
apparent reason then grabbed the victim’s head and began
pulling her hair and slapping her. The suspect then
released the victim and told her he was going into the
kitchen to get a knife, then he was going to “eat her.”
The victim fearing for her life fled to a neighbors
residence and called the Sheriff’s Office.
Deputies contacted the suspect in the living room of his
residence where they took him into custody. The deputies
noticed the suspect to have blood on his hands and clothing.
The deputies began checking the area around the residence
for other possible victim’s of an assault. The deputies
found the victim’s pet, a small Terrier dog, that had been
stabbed by the suspect and was deceased under the suspect’s
vehicle.
The suspect Alan Evans, 35 years old from Santa Rosa was
subsequently arrested for Assault with a deadly weapon,
battery, terrorist threats and cruelty to an animal.
Evans was booked into the Sonoma County Jail and his
bail was set at $250,000.
Tech Support Pits
From: Klide
Re: Download destinations
Dear Webby,
I sincerely hope that you have seen some improvement in your
eyesight! I still pray for you!
I would like to ask a favor!
Occasionally when I download a photo or
picture~it goes into documents or some other
file!
Can you tell me how to transfer the photo into
"Pictures"?
I thank you!
Klide
Dear Klide
Make a "General Delivery" folder to receive all the downloads.
Put it right up at the top of the C: drive and name it for
example
!_GeneralDelivery
or something like that. The !_ will ensure it is at the top
and easy to find.
Then download one file into that, carefully, not just
absentmindely hitting ENTER and letting it go to some hard
to find spot.
Also set your email program to put embedded and attached
pictures into that folder.
Set ICQ and Skype to use that folder as the default receiver.
After that, everything will go into that folder,
and you can drag it from there to wherever you want it.
You can even make shortcuts in there to favorite folders like
Pictures, Family, Cougars, Sport, Cars, etc.
Then you can drag pictures to those shortcuts instead of
having to hunt for those final destinations.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Counter Garbage Can
Do you save those used zip lock bags? I often have several
and rinse them out and let them dry. Then take an 2-3
pound coffee can and line it with your used ziplock bag.
Use the coffee can lid to keep odors in and fill it
until the bag is full, then just pull it out and zip
it up and toss. No mess, no fuss and certainly no smell.
By barbnov55
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Sue for this story:
The Students in my third-grade class were bombarding me
with questions about my newly pierced ears.
"Does the hole go all the way through?"
"Yes."
"Did it hurt?"
"Just a little."
"Did they stick a needle through your ears?"
"No, they used a special gun."
Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out,
"How far away did they stand?"
and another voice, "Did they do both ears with one shot?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college
buddy, Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car.
He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my
driveway, the car broke down.
Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of replace-
ment parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare.
Responses ranged from "Mas-a-what?" to "You've got to be
kidding." One guy just laughed.
I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I
dialed Victor's Garage. "Vic," I said, "you're my last hope.
Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?"
There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat.
"Yes," he replied. "Oil."
I recently saw a distraught young lady standing beside her
car.
"Do you need some help?" I asked.
"I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote
door unlocker," she explained, exasperated. "Now I can't
get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a con-
venience store a couple blocks down) would have a battery
to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and
the car keys to me to inspect. I took the key and manually
unlocked the door. "Why don't you drive over there and check
about the batteries. It's a long walk."
Today, December 28, in
1065 Westminster Abbey was consecrated under Edward the
Confessor.
1694 Queen Mary II of England died after five years of
joint rule with her husband, King William III.
1732 "The Pennsylvania Gazette," owned by Benjamin Franklin,
ran an ad for the first issue of "Poor Richard’s Almanack."
1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain.
1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an
acceptable chewing gum.
1877 John Stevens applied for a patent for his flour-
rolling mill, which boosted production by 70%.
1879 In Dundee, Scotland the central portion of the
Tay Bridge collapsed as a train was passing over it.
75 people were killed.
1908 An earthquake killed over 75,000 at Messina in Sicily.
1912 The first municipally-owned street cars were used
on the streets of San Francisco, CA.
1937 The Irish Free State became the Republic of Ireland
when a new constitution established the country as a
sovereign state under the name of Eire.
1973 Alexander Solzhenitsyn published "Gulag Archipelago,"
an expose of the Soviet prison system.
1981 Elizabeth Jordan Carr, the first American test-tube
baby, was born in Norfolk, VA.
1982 Nevell Johnson Jr. was mortally wounded by a police
officer in a Miami video arcade. The event set off
three days of race related disturbances that left
another man dead.
1989 Alexander Dubcek, who had been expelled from the
Communist Party in 1970, was elected speaker of
the Czech parliament.
1991 Nine people died in a rush to get into a basketball
game at City College in New York.
1995 Pressure from German prosecutors investigating pornography forced CompuServe to set a precedent by blocking access to sex-oriented newsgroups on the Internet for its customers.
2013 smiled.
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Friday, December 27, 2013, 11:52 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, December 27.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a 27 year old who got jailed for "Knockout Game"
Attack On 79-Year-Old Victim
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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You and I do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.
--- Herb Cohen
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Ole was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
The doctor said, "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then
skip a day and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next
time I see you, you should have lost at least five pounds."
When Ole returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly
60 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said. "Did you
follow my instructions?"
Ole nodded, "Ya, but I tell you, I taut I vud drop dead
dat tird day!"
"From hunger?" asked the doctor.
"No, da hunger vas one ting, but vat really got to me
was all dat skippin!'"
Ester's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her
name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery,
she tells her closest friend that she has no money left.
The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had
$20,000 left just a few days before Cohen died.
How could you be broke?"
The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000.
And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the
temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the
memorial stone."
The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? My goodness,
how big was it?"
Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."
Thanks to Lillemor for this:
Click on the picture for the large version
Swedish Sledding
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Conrad Alvin Barrett, 27, Houston, Texas
a 27 year old who got jailed for
"Knockout Game" Attack
on 79-Year-Old Victim
he Texas man charged with a federal hate crime for an
alleged “knockout game” attack on a 79-year-old black victim
was identified by police after he showed video of the assault
to a stranger in a restaurant--a man who turned out to be an
off-duty arson investigator who immediately flagged down a
cop to report the brutal crime.
A federal criminal complaint accuses Conrad Alvin Barrett,
27, of punching the elderly man in the head on November 24
(the blow left the victim with two jaw fractures and cost
him three teeth). The man underwent surgery “to insert two
metal plates in his jaw,” and spent several days in the
hospital, according to an affidavit sworn by FBI Agent
Alfred Tribble.
Barrett, whose rap sheet includes prior convictions for
burglary and drunk driving, is pictured in the above mug
shot.
Barrett’s phone, which was seized by police after the tip
from the arson investigator, contained several incriminating
videos, including a clip showing him approaching an “elderly
African American man” and asking, “How’s it going, man?” As
he gets closer to the victim, “a loud smack is heard, and the
victim falls to the ground,” reported Tribble, who added,
“Barrett laughs, says 'knockout,' and then flees in his
vehicle.”
Other videos on Barrett’s phone appear to show him plotting
a “knockout” attack. “The plan is to see if I were to hit
a black person, would this be nationally televised?” he
comments in one clip. “In other videos, Barrett uses the
word ‘nigger’ and states that African Americans ‘haven’t
fully experienced the blessings of evolution,’” according
to Agent Tribble.
Another video shows Barrett driving around a mall parking
lot, saying that he was trying to work up the “courage” to
play the “knockout game.” At one point, Barrett remarks
that he had “found the perfect African American suspect,”
but he then apparently changes his mind about attacking
the target.
If convicted of the felony charge, Barrett faces a maximum
of 10 years in prison and a $250,000 fine. He is scheduled
to make an initial appearance today in U.S. District Court
in Houston.
Tech Support Pits
From: Andree
Re: Why not use the flash with modern cameras?
Dear Webby,
on modern cameras the built in flash works automatically,
whenever it is needed. So why all this fuss about external
slave flashes and tripods and whatnot?
Andree
Dear Andree
Have you ever been on a small airplane and watched the shadow
of the airplane on the ground? Did you notice that for a fairly
large area around the shadow of the airplane, the trees had
no shadows, and no contrast, and looked like flat and squashed
grass bushels?
A camera flash does exactly the same. No side light, no shadows
and no contrast. Faces in the center have the "Deer in the
headlights" appearance.
That is why the better photographers have ever since the days of
the Magnesium flash pans a couple hundred years ago held the
flash as far off to the side and up as they could reach.
With cameras, that have reasonably large lenses to let in more
light, you can turn off or tape down the flash, and force them
to re-calculate and make due with ambient light. As long as
you are aware of where that ambient light is coming from, you
can often get away without further help.
However, if you want to take pictures of people in a darkish
room, for example by the light of a Christmas tree, or
candellight, then you will see that the camera lengthens
the exposure time quite rudely.
Most people can hold still a few seconda, but if you shake
the camera the tiniest bit, the pictrue will be fuzzy.
That is why you need a tripod or sand baggie to totally
avoid ANY camera shake in dim lighting.
The same also goes for long zoom shots.
Take your longest fishing rod and use it to turn a light
switch off and on. Did you realize what kind of jittery
fumbler you are? Now imagine, that your fishing rod was
a few miles long, and how wildly you would be jittering
there. You could not paint a deer or even an elephant
on the other side of the valley.
To get sharp pictures with long zoom shots it is a good
idea to use a tripod or small sand baggie. An old, well
worn leather purse, that is no longer slippery, and filled
with sand or sugar, makes a great camera cushion. You can
nestle the camera into it until it points just right,
set the self timer to 3 or 5 seconds, clcick it and
stand back.
THAT is what those short self timer settings are for,
not for sprinting around and into the pictrue.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Food Scraps for Chickens
If you know anyone that has chickens, save ALL your scraps,
peelings, and fruit skins and give them to the chicken's
owner. This keeps my garbage disposal and septic clean
and the chickens have fruits and vegetables year round.
Everyone is a winner!
By The Red Head from Bozeman, MT
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The girl said to Grandpa, "I noticed that when you
sneeze, you put your hand in front of your mouth."
"Of course," explained Grandpa.
"How else can I catch my teeth???"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the
bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom,
you should say something nice to him."
The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice.
During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand
on his son-in-law's arm and said,
"No deposit, no return."
A pretty young woman visiting her new doctor for the first
time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began
undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming
examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments
over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door
and a young doctor strode in.
Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient
up and down carefully and appreciatively.
"Miss Jones," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me
that until today you have never had an eye examination."
Today, December 27, in
1831 Charles Darwin set out on a voyage to the Pacific
aboard the HMS Beagle. Darwin's discoveries during the voyage
helped him form the basis of his theories on evolution.
1845 Dr. Crawford Williamson Long used anesthesia for childbirth
for the first time. The event was the delivery of his own child
in Jefferson, GA.
1900 Carrie Nation staged her first raid on a saloon at the
Carey Hotel in Wichita, KS. She broke each and every one of
the liquor bottles that could be seen.
1927 Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party.
1938 The first skimobile course in America opened in North
Conway, NH.
1945 The World Bank was created with an agreement signed
by 28 nations.
1947 The children's television program "Howdy Doody," hosted
by Bob Smith, made its debut on NBC.
1949 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands granted sovereignty to
Indonesia after more than 300 years of Dutch rule.
1951 In Cincinnati, OH, a Crosley automobile, with a steering
wheel on the right side, became the first vehicle of its
kind to be placed in service for mail delivery.
1965 The BP oil rig Sea Gem capsized in the North Sea, with
the loss of 13 lives.
1978 Spain adopted a new constitution and became a democracy
after 40 years of dictatorship.
1979 Soviet forces seized control of Afghanistan. Babrak
Karmal succeeded President Hafizullah Amin, who was
overthrown and executed.
1985 Palestinian guerrillas opened fire inside the Rome and
Vienna airports. A total of twenty people were killed,
including five of the attackers, who were killed by police
and security personnel.
1992 The U.S. shot down an Iraqi fighter jet during what the
Pentagon described as a confrontation between a pair of Iraqi
warplanes and U.S. F-16 jets in U.N.-restricted airspace
over southern Iraq.
1996 Muslim fundamentalist Taliban forces retook the strategic
air base of Bagram, solidifying their buffer zone around
Kabul, the Afghanistan capital.
2000 Mario Lemeiux (Pittsburgh Penguins) returned to the
National Hockey League (NHL) as a player after over 3 years
of retirement. He was the first owner-player in the modern
era of pro sports. Lemieux had purchased the Pittsburgh
Penguins during his retirement from playing.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush granted China permanent
normal trade status with the United States.
2002 North Korea ordered U.N. nuclear inspectors to leave the
country and said that it would restart a laboratory capable
of producing plutonium for nuclear weapons.
2002 Clonaid announced the birth of the first cloned human baby.
The baby had been born December 26.
2013 smiled.
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Thursday, December 26, 2013, 12:21 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, December 26.
Remember your elbow pads if you go watch the insanity at
the stores. Don't bother with Walmart. I heard that they
don't reduce prices for Boxing Day, the prices are set to
the maximum, that they can get away with, and they have no
intention to go below that.
However, many other stores are bound to have good fights
going on.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a 20 year old who got jailed for Breaking a Baby's
Leg For Interrupting his Video Game
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Has the panic subsided?
Here it hasn't but I expect things to slow down by late
afternoon. I might even have a well deserved nap.
I am hoping anyway.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
--- Saint Augustine
There are two types of people--
those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!'
and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'
--- Frederick L Collins
Economics is extremely useful as a form of
employment for economists.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith
A husband is like a fire,
he goes out when unattended.
--- Evan Esar
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few
days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for
a while when he came into the house and asked her,
"Grandma, what is that called when two people are
sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"
She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him
the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK"
and went back outside to talk and play with the other
kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said
angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse!
It's called Bunk Beds!"
"And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!!"
Officer Candidate School at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, was tough.
During an inspection, a fellow soldier received 30 demerits
for a single penny found in his area.
Ten demerits were for "valuables insecure,"
ten demerits because the penny wasn't shined,
and ten more because Abraham Lincoln needed a shave.
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Paul Anthony Lajeunesse, 20, Floriduh
20 year old got jailed for Breaking Baby's
Leg For Interrupting Video Game
A 20-year-old man has been arrested for allegedly breaking
a four-week-old baby boy's leg while changing a diaper.
Paul Anthony Lajeunesse was charged with aggravated child
abuse on Monday stemming from the incident on Dec. 11.
Police claim he admits to wounding the child for crying as
he tried to play games on an Xbox.
Lajeunesse's grandmother was babysitting at the time so the
child's mother could attend school, CitrusDaily.com reported.
However, the grandmother said it was Lajeunesse's
responsibility to change diapers.
Lajeunesse was arrested and ordered not to have contact with
the victim. It is not clear what his relationship with the
child is, but he lives at the same address as the child and
its mother, WTSP-TV reported.
The grandmother also said that the baby boy tended to cry
whenever Lajeunesse changed the diapers, possibly because he
was holding the kid's legs up too high.
He allegedly admitted to investigators that he took the infant
into another room to change its diaper and heard a "pop" when
he lifted a leg. After that, the leg went limp.
X-rays taken at an area hospital confirmed a fracture on the leg.
The boy had to go through surgery and was released Dec. 13 with
a waist cast, according to CitrusTimesOnline.com.
Tech Support Pits
From: Renee
Re: Camera tripod bolt
Dear Webby,
You mentioned it once before a few years ago, but I forgot.
What type of special bolt is used on a tripod to hold the
camera? I don't have a tripod, but I want to use a
stepladder for taking the Christmas pictures. I have an
older Canon G2 with a remote control key-fob, if that
makes a difference.
Renee
Dear Renee
It makes no difference. All cameras use the common
1/4" coarse ( 1/4" x 20) bolt, no matter where the camera
was made.
The trick is to use a long bolt and a wing nut.
Use the wing nut below a step, a washer or two above the
step, then the camera Turn the bolt just barely
finger tight into the camera, point the camera, and then
tighten the wing nut. Gently.
Better than bolting the camera to your ladder, bolt it to
a big alligator clamp, like they are used for welding cables
or automotive jumper cables. That gives you more ways
to adjust and aim the camera.
Considering how cheap tripods have become recenty, check out
table-top tripods. You can easily put one of them onto a
step ladder or shelf.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fixing Pre-Lit Christmas Tree
Here is your solution. Find the non-removable bulb with the
white socket. It is the last one on the strand, I believe
the "non-replacable" white bulb exists only so that you have
to buy a new tree ever four years. :(
You will find that it's blackened or burned and causing your
problem.
Wiggle out the bulb, then dig out the socket with a pair of
pliers. Be careful not to destroy the socket. Take your time,
wiggle it loose. Stick any replacement bulb into that socket
and, BAM, your tree will be perfect again!
By DrFriedrichs
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Recently my friend, Karen, got a job at a local hardware
store. "The owner doesn't want us hanging out with our
friends," she said. "If you stop by, tell them you're my
brother."
On my first visit I walked to the customer service desk
and asked the older woman there, "Is Karen around?"
When she looked at me quizzically, I added,
"I'm her brother."
She smiled. "What a nice surprise. I'm quite pleased to meet
you! I'm Karen's mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Todd was being evaluated for mental problems and was
asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway
toward you, what would you do?"
Todd replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!"
The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?"
Todd replied, "The same place where you got that silly train."
A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices
that one of the items for sale is a large parrot.
He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it
comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding
proceeds hot and heavy with someone always
bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot
is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes
to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer,
"Can the bird talk?"
The auctioneer replied,
"Who do you think was bidding against you...?"
Today, December 26, in
1620 The Pilgrim Fathers landed at New Plymouth, MA, to found
Plymouth Colony, with John Carver as Governor.
1776 The British suffered a major defeat in the Battle of
Trenton during the American Revolutionary War.
1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason.
1898 Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium.
1917 During World War I, the U.S. government took over operation
of the nation's railroads.
1921 The Catholic Irish Free State became a self-governing
dominion of Great Britain.
1941 Winston Churchill became the first British prime minister
to address a joint meeting of the U.S. Congress.
1943 The German battlecruiser Scharnhorst was sunk in the
North Sea, during the Battle of North Cape.
1947 Heavy snow blanketed the Northeast United States, burying
New York City under 25.8 inches of snow in 16 hours. The
severe weather was blamed for about 80 deaths.
1956 Fidel Castro attempted a secret landing in Cuba to overthrow
the Batista regime. All but 11 of his supporters were killed.
1991 The Soviet Union's parliament formally voted the country
out of existence.
1995 Israel turned dozens of West Bank villages over to the
Palestinian Authority.
1996 Six-year-old beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey was found
beaten and strangled in the basement of her family's home
in Boulder, CO.
2000 Michael McDermott, age 42, opened fire at his place of
employment killing seven people. He had no criminal history.
2002 The first cloned human baby was born. The announcement
was made the December 27 by Clonaid.
2004 Under the Indian Ocean, a 9.0 magnitude earthquake sent
500-mph waves across the Indian Ocean and Bay of Bengal.
The tsunami killed at least 283,000 people in a dozen
countries, including Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Sumatra,
Thailand and India.
2013 smiled.
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What to do when a link freezes the computer?
Wednesday, December 25, 2013, 10:59 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, December 25.
Merry Christmas!
Forgot a Christmas Gift for somebody?
Try this, download it, burn it onto a CD and
give it to them as a gift!
What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb
You can download it and give the file as a gift!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a 19 year old 2014 Mercedes driver, who was seriously
speeding and attracted the ire of the cops to his dope.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Has the panic subsided?
Here I expect things to slow down by late afternoon.
I might even have a well deserved nap.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
|
|
|
Always do right. This will gratify some people
and astonish the rest.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
"Seasons Greetings" is a snowball onto the snout of a bigot.
From me to you, it's Merry Christmas!
and happy Hannukah!
--- DearWebby
The best way of removing negativity is to
laugh and be joyous.
--- David Icke
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
>From Mina
This guy drives up to his house and where he parks is full
of snow. So he parks in a nearby parking lot and walks back
home to shovel out a car-sized space in front of his house.
It takes hours to shovel, but finally done, he walks back to
the lot to get his car. When he returns home, he finds that
the space has been taken by some other car. He is, well,
upset.
What most people do is write nasty notes etc. and place them
on the windshield of the offending vehicle. Police sometimes
get involved however, when the individual vents his wrath in
somewhat more violent means. Tires and throats have been
slashed over this. This guy decides to get creative.
Instead of doing the usual nasty, he got out his garden hose
and watered the automobile down, real well. I mean, very,
very thoroughly. Inside too! He pried open a side window wide
enough to get the hose inside. The water of course froze solid.
In between hosing the inside, he worked dilligently on the
outside.
When the owner returned, instead of a car, he found a mini-bus
sized Popsicle.
There was no note incriminating anybody.
My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping
would be a snap if only she would organize her time better.
Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice
while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see
how he was managing, and he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted
it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards,
scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had
a bath."
I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager
than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making
the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer
before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do
all the rest."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Alain Cassagnol, 19, from long Island, now in an SC jail
Seriously Speeding while carrying dope
DECEMBER 23--An unwise motorist was arrested early today
after a traffic stop revealed that his Mercedes-Benz
contained frankincense, myrrh, and marijuana, according
to South Carolina police.
Around 12:30 AM, Alain Cassagnol, 19, was spotted by a
Myrtle Beach cop driving 103 mph in a 45 mph zone.
Cassagnol was arrested for speeding after officers directed
him to exit his car, a white 2014 Mercedes sedan.
When Cassagnol stepped out of the Mercedes-Benz, cops
detected a “strong odor of marijuana emanating from his
person.”
Asked if he was in possession of any narcotics, Cassagnol
“stated yes and stated the drugs were in his pants by his
groin.” An officer then retrieved a clear baggie containing
5.4 grams of pot.
Investigators also seized a bottle of frankincense and myrrh
incense spray from inside the vehicle. Known as “Blunt Block,”
the product is usually used to mask the odor of burnt
marijuana.
Pictured in the above mug shot, Cassagnol was charged with
speeding and marijuana possession. He is currently locked up
in the Horry County jail on $649 bond.
The teenager, who gave his home address as a Long Island
residence, has several social media accounts peppered with
pot references.
Tech Support Pits
From: Earl
Re: What to do when a link freezes the computer?
Dear Webby,
Super great newsletter. I have a problem, a friend sent
me a link which I clicked on and it locked up my computer.
How can I unlock it? hope you can help I am running
windows 7, it asked me if I want to allow windows to make
a change on my computer and I unpluged it. I am sending
this from another computer.
Thanks Earl
Dear Earl
Let's hope you unplugged it fast enough.
Until you plug it in again, there is no way to guess,
if it got taken over by malware or not.
Try it, and tell me what happened then. You can't do any
fixing without turning it on anyway.
Keep in mind, you are on Juno, which has pathetically slow
and erratic connectivity. Quite possibly the link went to
a site, that had a small but demanding video on it, and your
browser just stalled. Especially if you use IE, that would
appear as if the computer hit an iceberg and froze.
Start up normally and run a thorough malware check with a
reputable checker like McAfee. Once all seems OK, you can
go on as if nothing has happened, but I would stay away
from that link, while you are on Juno.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fixing Pre-Lit Christmas Tree
Here is your solution. Find the non-removable bulb with the
white socket. It is the last one on the strand, I believe
the "non-replacable" white bulb exists only so that you have
to buy a new tree ever four years. :(
You will find that it's blackened or burned and causing your
problem.
Wiggle out the bulb, then dig out the socket with a pair of
pliers. Be careful not to destroy the socket. Take your time,
wiggle it loose. Stick any replacement bulb into that socket
and, BAM, your tree will be perfect again!
By DrFriedrichs
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Bernice for this story:
My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at
my bank. The operator asked me what Ian's last name was and
I explained that he hadn't left his surname. When she asked
for his department, I said I didn't know. "There are 1500
employees in this building, ma'am," she advised me rather curtly.
After a few more brusque comments, I asked her for her name.
"Danielle," she said.
"And your last name?" I asked.
"Sorry," she replied, "we don't give out last names."
"Fine!", I told her. "Tell Ian that if he doesn't call me in
ten minutes I will blow his fu*****g ass off."
and slammed the phone.
He called in two minutes.
-----------------------
Yeah, when a woman says "Fine!",
men know there is going to be trouble.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last,
he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most
momentous of all questions.
"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor,"
he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the
companionship of another being . . . a being who will regard
one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's
absolute property; who will be kind and faithful when
times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows . . ."
To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes.
Then she nodded in agreement and said, " I think it's a
great idea. Of course I will help you choose a puppy dog."
A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only.
The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large
picnic basket. She stood right in front of the man and
grabbed the overhead rail so the picnic basket
was above the man's head.
Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her. She quickly
declined as she was only going a short distance.
Soon the picnic basket began to leak. The man felt
something drop on top of his head. As he looked up it hit
beside his nose and ran down across his lips. He tasted it,
looked up at the lady and asked, "Pickles?"
She replied, "No, no, puppies."
Today, December 25, in
0800 Charlemagne was crowned first Holy Roman Emperor in Rome
by Pope Leo III.
1066 William the Conqueror was crowned king of England.
1223 St. Francis of Assisi assembled one of the first
Nativity scenes, in Greccio, Italy.
1776 Gen. George Washington and his troops crossed the
Delaware River for a surprise attack against Hessian
forces at Trenton, NJ.
1818 "Silent Night" was performed for the first time,
at the Church of St. Nikolaus in Oberndorff, Austria.
1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson granted an unconditional
pardon to all persons involved in the Southern rebellion
that resulted in the Civil War.
1896 John Philip Sousa finally titled the melody
"The Stars and Stripes Forever."
1914 During World War I, British and German troops observed
an unofficial truce and even playing football together on
the Western Front.
1926 Hirohito became the emperor of Japan after the death
of his father Emperor Taisho.
1930 The Mt. Van Hoevenberg bobsled run at Lake Placid,
New York opened to the public.
1941 Hong Kong surrendered to the Japanese.
1946 W.C. Fields died at the age of 66.
1962 The Department of Commerce Census Clock in Washington,
DC, recorded the U.S. population on this day as 188,000,000.
1972 The Nicaraguan capital Managua was hit by an earthquake.
Over 10,000 people were killed.
1979 The USSR invaded Afghanistan in a bid to halt civil war.
1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife,
Elena, were executed following a popular uprising.
2000 Over 300 people were killed and dozens were injured by
fire at a Christmas party in the Chinese city of Luoyang.
The incident occurred at the Dongdu Disco.
2013 smiled.
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Tuesday, December 24, 2013, 01:14 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, December 24.
What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb
You can download it and give the file as a gift!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a Floriduh Escort and her robber / killer accomplices
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Time to get serious about wtrapping or clicking!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
|
|
|
Cheese - milk's leap toward immortality.
--- Clifton Fadiman (1904 - 1999)
Nobody got anywhere in the world by simply being content.
--- Louis L'Amour (1908 - 1988)
It's a romantic full moon, when Pedro said, "Hey, mamacita,
let's do Weeweechu."
"Oh no, not now, let's look at the moon!" said Rosita.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love
you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.
"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied
Rosita.
Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."
Rosita looked at Pedro and said, "OK, one time, we'll
do Weeweechu."
Pedro grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas,
Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year !
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
An old lady, who lived on the third floor of a boardinghouse,
broke her leg. As the doctor put a cast on it, he warned her
not to climb any stairs.
Several months later, the doctor took off the cast.
"Can I climb stairs now?" asked the little old lady.
"Yes," he replied.
"Thank goodness!" she said. "I'm sick and tired of shinnying
up and down that stupid drainpipe!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Koral ben Shimon, Ilmart Christophe, Jefty Joseph in
Greenacres, Floriduh
Jailed for robbery, kidnapping, murder
A 31-year-old Coconut Creek man was kidnapped, robbed and
killed after meeting up with a woman who advertised herself
as an escort on Backpage.com, deputies say.
Koral Ben Shimon, 20, who wrote on the website that she was
"looking to have an amazing time," admitted setting Gustavo
Cabral up to be robbed by two armed men, according to a Palm
Beach County Sheriff's Office arrest report.
He ended up shot in the head in the garage of an abandoned
Lake Worth house, though it's not clear who pulled the
trigger.
Ben Shimon, of Greenacres, was arrested Wednesday, joining
alleged accomplices Ilmart Christophe and Jefty Joseph,
who are already in jail in connection with the Dec. 1 murder.
All are charged with homicide.
The two men, both 20 and from Lake Worth, have each blamed
the other for the shooting, their arrest reports said. Ben
Shimon told investigators she didn't know Christophe and
Joseph planned to kill Cabral and wasn't there when he was
shot. She just set Cabral up.
Cabral was forced to increase his credit card credit limit
and then withdraw the maximum at various banks the trio
drove him to prior to driving him to the garage, where they
killed him with five shots to the head.
Tech Support Pits
From: Sharon
Re: Shading Camera LCD
Dear Webby,
I just read this letter. Thanks so much for the fun.
Reading your tip on digital flash brought up a question I
have had for some time now. I find it difficult to see what
I am trying to take when taking pics in the sunlight, before
actually taking the pic. I usually have the sun at my back.
Do you have any suggestions on how I can cut the glare
on the LCD screen?
Thanks for the letter & help section.
Merry Christmas to a good friend.
Sharon
Dear Sharon
Nothing new about that. Look at a drawing or picture of a
photographer from 200 years ago. You will see them wear
a stylish Count Dracula cape, but made from lightweight,
cool black or navy satin.
You just flip that forward over your head, and the camera
is in the shade. Sure, you can do the same with a skirt if
you don't mind some extra exposure. A large sombrero can
also be helpful, and I have seen funnels made from stiff
leather, but they are very cumbersome and awkward.
You can make a cape from an old satin sheet or fake silk
scarves, and I have seen some that were white or pearl on
the outside and lined with black on the inside.
A cape made from parachute rayon "silk" folds small enough
to fit into a shirt pocket. Just don't lend your cape to another
photographer. You'll never get it back.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Work in a Soup Kitchen on Christmas
Working in a Soup Kitchen for the homeless on Christmas
would show our kids what giving really is. I am planning
on doing this with my family this Christmas.
By Paula from Brea, CA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The manager of a large office noticed one of his department
heads had hired a new man, so the boss called him into his
office for a little orientation speech. "What is your name?"
he asked.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of place
you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first
name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in
authority. I refer to my employees by their last names only -
Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only
as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your
last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. John Darling."
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Asked by his teacher to spell "straight," the third-grade
boy did so without error.
"Excellent," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?"
"Without water."
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the
pretty girl asked, "I would like to buy this material for a
new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face,
the clerk quickly measured out & wrapped the cloth, then
teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a grinning
little old lady who was standing beside her.
"Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled.
Today, December 24, in
1818 Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Germany composed the music
for "Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr.
1865 Several veterans of the Confederate Army formed a
private social club in Pulaski, TN, called the Ku Klux Klan.
1906 Reginald A. Fessenden became the first person to
broadcast a music program over radio, from Brant Rock, MA.
1914 In World War I, the first air raid on Britain was made
when a German airplane dropped a bomb on the grounds of a
rectory in Dover.
1944 A German submarine torpedoed the Belgian transport
ship S.S. Leopoldville with 2,235 soldiers aboard. About
800 American soldiers died. The soldiers were crossing the
English Channel to be reinforcements at the battle that
become known as the Battle of the Bulge.
1948 The first completely solar-heated house became occupied
in Dover, MA.
1951 NBC-TV presented, "Amal and the Night Visitors," the
first opera written for television.
1951 Libya achieved independence as the United Kingdom of
Libya, under King Idris.
1965 A meteorite landed on Leicestershire. It weighed
about 100lbs.
1966 Luna 13 landed on the moon.
1968 The crew of the U.S. Navy ship, Pueblo, was released
by North Korea. The Captain of the Pueblo, Commander Lloyd
M. Bucher, and 82 of his crew were held for 11 months after
the ship was seized by North Korea because of suspected
spying by the Americans.
1968 Three astronauts, James A. Lovell, William Anders and
Frank Borman, reached the moon. They orbited the moon 10
times before coming back to Earth. Seven months later man
first landed on the moon.
1979 Soviet troops invaded Afghanistan in support of the
country's Marxist government.
1985 Fidel Castro, the Cuban president, announced that he
stopped smoking.
1989 Ousted Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega took refuge at
the Vatican's diplomatic mission in Panama City.
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush pardoned former
Defense Secretary Caspar Weinberger and five others in the
Iran-Contra scandal.
1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, known as "Carlos the Jackal," was
sentenced by a French court to life in prison for the 1975
murders of two French investigators and a Lebanese national.
2000 The "Texas 7," seven convicts that had escaped a Texas
prison, robbed a sports store in Irving, TX. The suspects
killed Officer Aubrey Hawkins, stole $70,000, 25 weapons
and clothing. The men had escaped on December 13 and were
captured about a year later in Colorado.
2013 smiled.
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Lighting for Christmas pictures
Monday, December 23, 2013, 07:53 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, December 23.
What's the Heirloom Christmas Book about?
It is a BIG e-book with all the stories, that your great
grandmother recited or read to your grandmother, when she
was a kid. I want these stories preserved.
You may know what it is about, when somebody mentions
"bittersweet love like in 'The Gift Of The Magi',"
but with today's education, your kids or even their teachers,
probably don't know. So I collected these classics and put
them all together into one e-book.
This book of Christmas Stories is a cultural treasure, that should
be passed on to our descendants. Since it is in e-book format,
you can put it onto a CD for each kid, and fill the rest of the
CD with family pictures and other keepsakes,
making it a true heirloom.
I have produced a smaller version last year. This final
edition has more stories and illustrations, but I kept the
price down to the same $10.
The Heirloom Christmas Book also makes a nice
Christmas gift!
Click on the
book cover
to get your copy
or click on Heirloom Christmas Book
http://webby.com/cb
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
West Point perv jailed for owning and trading
child porn
Details at International Bonehead Awards
This morning I briefly listened to the local radio.
VERY briefly. Sunday morning I have to divvy out all my
pills for the week, and as soon as I sat down to look at
my list, which I got online, so that I can see it from
anywhere, I clicked on Accuradio, and just for fun slected
the FOLK channel.
The first song was "Gramma got run over by a reindeer".
What a great start of the day!
That was followed by one Sing-Along-Song after the other.
I think I'll make that channel a habit for early morning.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
|
|
|
Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
--- Milton Friedman
My Grandmother is over eighty and
still doesn't need glasses.
Drinks right out of the bottle.
--- Henny Youngman
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the
little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that
she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her
about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box,
but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor
said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs,
the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his
wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should
know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two
crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married,"
she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy
marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got
angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears.
Only two precious dolls were in the box.. She had only been
angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving.
He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains
the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it
come from?"
"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Mrs. Johnson decided to have her portrait painted by a famous
artist. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings,
a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant."
"But you are not wearing any of those things."
"I know," said Mrs. Johnson. "My health is not good and my
husband is having an affair with his secretary.
When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want her to go
nuts looking for the jewelry."
Click on the picture for the large version
Mt Shasta, I think
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Ricky Patrick Hester, 23, from Indiana
Jailed for owning and trading child porn
A West Point cadet was charged today with receiving or
distributing child pornography after federal agents
discovered that he swapped illicit videos with online
contacts, one of whom he allegedly asked in an e-mail,
“Do you trade videos of boys? I love man boy hardcore.”
During a court-ordered search yesterday of his barracks,
Ricky Patrick Hester, 23, confessed to using an e-mail
account (cubs_freak90@yahoo.com) to send and receive videos
showing children engaged in sexual acts, according to a
felony complaint filed in U.S. District Court.
Seen above, Hester, an Indiana native, also reportedly copped
to maintaining a Dropbox account holding “20 videos and 100
digital images containing child pornography.” If convicted
of the felony charge, Hester faces a mandatory minimum of
five years in prison (and a max of 20 years in custody).
The investigation of Hester was an outgrowth of an earlier
probe targeting an e-mail address that had been used to
“express an interest in trading” child porn. An examination
of that account by federal agents revealed incriminating
correspondence sent from Hester’s Yahoo account.
Tech Support Pits
From: Georgina
Re: Lighting
Dear Webby,
I realize that flash ruins pictures, so what's your secret
for Christmas pictures?
Thanks
Georgina
Dear Georgina
You can use a flash, if it is a detachable or remote slave
flash, held about as far away as you can reach.
If you don't have a slave flash, get one of those rectangular
Quartz work lights, that look like an outdoor security light
but have a big alligator clip instead of a pipe mount, and
can be clipped to a stepladder or shelf. They cost about
$12 and provide a very nice and warm light.
Again, the best location for the light is an arms length to
the side of you and half an arms length higher than the
camera.
You may have seen clip-art of photographers from two hundred
years ago, holding a flash pan up and out at an arms length.
They used magnesium and gun powder in a metal dust pan for
the flash. Because of the cost of each shot, the location
had to be perfect.
A flash on the camera might be convenient, but that just
produces the flat "deer in the headlights" shots, that
you are trying to avoid.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Put Timer on Water Heater
Why heat your water for 24 hours? Just install a Hot
water heater timer purchased from Lowes. Set the timer
for 1 hour before rising in the morning, preferably during
non peak hours as designated by Utility and for 1 hour in
the evening prior to taking showers and baths, (after Utility
peak hours). On Saturday, or laundry day, place the manual
setting "on" for laundry day. As the timer cycles it will
automatically go back to the timed settings. You can
maintain the temperature at 120 degrees while saving money.
Source: Info received from Lows Water Heater Timer
packaging years ago.
By Larry from FL
Nowadays, with properly insulated water heaters, that has
become obsolete, except maybe in Europe, where they have
different electricity rates for different times of the day.
Location and insulation make a much bigger difference. Ideally
your water heater should be above the "wet" areas, kitchen,
bathroom, shower. And it should be in the hot attic, not
in the cold basement. Also ideally, you should have one or two
old, burned out but not leaking hot water tanks up there,
with the insulation stripped, pre-heating the water from
the hot attic air. That way the actual water heater gets
pre-heated, luke-warm water instead of ice cold water from
the main or the well. If there is an extended power failure,
you still got luke-warm water for a few days.
Next time there is a flood or somebody has an indoor flood,
and they put their hot water tank out by the curb, because
the inulation got wet, grab it and use it as a pre-heater.
Just strip off the insulation, give the neighborhood Rambo
a beer to muscle it up into the attic, and connect it into
the feed line for the hot water tank. The savings are almost
unbelievable!
While you are up there, close the attic vents, that the
heating fuel distributor talked you into. Open them in the
summer, but close them with an old sleeping bag or piece
of styrofoam in winter.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to
be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment
and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial
from running its proper course.
But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet
calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to
serve on the jury.
"Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a
simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her
husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had
promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I
could be wrong about capital punishment after all."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A prospective juror was being questioned by the District
Attorney for a murder trial that had been in all the papers.
"If the defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could you
kill him for his crime ?"
"Well, no." replied the man. "But I could do it on Saturday
if that would be OK."
A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to
discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely
under water.
"That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he
said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"
"Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are
you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat."
Today, December 23, in
1788 Maryland voted to cede a 100-square-mile area
for the seat of the national government. About
two-thirds of the area became the District of Columbia.
1823 The poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement C. Moore
(" 'Twas the night before Christmas...") was published.
1834 English architect Joseph Hansom patented his 'safety cab',
better known as the Hansom cab.
1880 Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Electric Light
Company of Europe.
1888 Following a quarrel with Paul Gauguin, Dutch painter
Vincent Van Gogh cut off part of his own earlobe.
1919 The first ship designed to be used as an ambulance
for the transport of patients was launched. The hospital
ship was named USS Relief and had 515 beds.
1941 During World War II, American forces on Wake Island
surrendered to the Japanese.
1942 Bob Hope agreed to entertain U.S. airmen in Alaska.
It was the first of the traditional Christmas shows.
1947 John Bardeen, Walter H. Brattain and William Shockley
invented the transistor.
1948 Former Japanese premier Hideki Tojo and six other
Japanese war leaders were executed in Tokyo. They had been
found guilty of crimes against humanity and being on the
losing side.
1953 Soviet secret police chief Lavrenti Beria and six of
his associates were shot for treason after a secret trial.
1965 A 70-mph speed limit was introduced in Britain.
1968 Eighty-two crewmembers of the U.S. intelligence ship
Pueblo were released by North Korea, 11 months after
they had been captured.
1981 NASA approved a plan to continue the Voyager II
spacecraft on a trajectory that would take it within 66,000
miles of Uranus on July 24, 1986.
1986 The experimental airplane Voyager, piloted by Dick
Rutan and Jeana Yeager, completed the first non-stop,
around-the-world flight without refueling as it landed
safely at Edwards Air Force Base in California.
1987 Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, serving a life sentence for
the attempted assassination of U.S. President Ford in 1975,
escaped from the Alderson Federal Prison for Women in West
Virginia. She was recaptured two days later.
1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his
wife, Elena, were captured as they were attempting to
flee their country.
1990 Elections in Yugoslavia ended, leaving four of its
six republics with non-Communist governments.
1995 A fire in Dabwali, India, killed 540 people, including
170 children, during a year-end party being held near the
children's school.
1997 Terry Nichols was convicted by a Denver jury on charges
of conspiracy and involuntary manslaughter in the 1995
federal building bombing in Oklahoma City. The bomb killed
168 people and severely injured my friend Martin.
1998 Guerrillas in south Lebanon fired dozens of rockets
at northern Israel.
2013 smiled.
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Sunday, December 22, 2013, 11:05 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, December 22.
Days are starting to get longer again now!
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
If you want to make money with this during
NEXT Christmas, then there is no need to hurry,
but you should get organized soon.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
Two Florida Boneheads, who were finally
jailed for robbing an armless man
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Phyllis sent me this ICQ card:
http://dpkgi.free.fr/files/deerz2.swf
In the early days of the Internet, before everybody left ICQ
and moved to Skype as suddenly as they had moved to ICQ from
PowWow and MSN, we used to have a pretty good time there.
Now that all the reasons, why everybody stampeded to Skype,
have evaporated, and Microsoft is trashing Skype, it is time
to consider going back to ICQ.
I went back to http://ICQ.com tonight, and after a dozen
years away, my user name and profile was still working.
I was impressed! It will take a while to get familiar with
it again, and even longer to see who else is using it.
I found out why Skype has fixed fonts in the contact list
and Toos / Options, and microsoft is unable to fix that
problem. Apparently the original owners of Skype copied
those parts from ICQ, and forgot to tell Microsoft about
that.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
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History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
--- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)
Today's public figures can no longer write their own
speeches or books, and there is some evidence that
they can't read them either.
--- Gore Vidal (1925 - )
"British scientists are now seeking permission to fuse human
cells with rabbit eggs. Their goal is to create a human with
a lucky foot."
--- Jay Leno
Your children weren't made to like you. That's
what grandchildren are for.
--- Plato
We know cellphones don't interfere with
navigation equipment on airlines, but they
sure do tick off the person sitting next to you.
--- Socratex
Pete had this problem of getting up late in the morning
and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him
and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something
about it. So Pete went to his doctor, who gave him a
pill and told him to take it before he went to bed.
Pete slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the
morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove
cheerfully to work.
"Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!"
"That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were
you yesterday?"
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
A man walked into a dress shop and told the clerk he wanted
to buy an evening gown for his wife for Christmas.
"What size?" asked the clerk.
The man shrugged blankly.
Trying to help, the clerk inquired, "Well then, what are
your wife's measurements?"
The man thought for a moment. "Small, medium, and large,
in that order."
Click on the picture for the large version
Mt Shasta, I think
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Oliver Bozeman, 25, Courtney Edge, 25 Floriduh
Jailed for robbing an armless man
Police in Florida arrested two suspects accused of stealing
$300 from Havalah Pitts, an armless man.
The alleged robbery occurred in Pompano Beach in October,
but the investigation culminated with the arrests of
Courtney Edge and Oliver Bozeman, both 25, on Tuesday,
the New York Daily News reported.
A spokesman for the Broward sheriff's office called it
"a vile act, a new low for criminals," the South Florida
Sun Sentinel reported.
Edge and Boozeman were charged with robbery and abusing
a disabled or elderly adult, according to the Broward
County Sheriff's office.
The defenseless victim was born without arms, according
to the South Florida Sun Sentinel.
Each man is charged with robbery and abuse to an elderly
or disabled adult without great physical harm.
Judge Hurley ordered Edge held in lieu of $55,000 bond.
Bozeman was held without bond because he was already
out on bond in a different case.
Hurley said Bozeman has an extensive criminal record
including past strong arm robberies.
Tech Support Pits
From: Wendy
Re: Upgrade to Firefox
Hi, Webby.
First, thanks for all the questions you answer daily in
your Humor letter, it's been a fantastic help to me and
I'm sure others as well.
I now have a question. I'm on Sympatico, have IE 8 and
a lot of websites tell me it's outdated and old and are
pointing me to Firefox or Chrome. I looked at Firefox and
I like it to best. My question is this, how do I change
from IE8 to Firefox? And how will it affect my computer?
I'm a semi-novice at this, not an idiot, but not and
expert! haha
Hope you can help me,
Thanks for all you do,
Wendy
Dear Wendy
Sympatico has email problems, but browsing web sites is
usually quite OK.
Upgrading from IE8, or any year IE, is easy. Just download
FireFox and install it. It will ask you, if you want to
bring over your favorites and cookies and stuff. Just agree
to that, and it will all be done in a minute or so.
Then it asks you, if you want it to be your main browser.
Hit OK on that.
After that you can run it as is, or browse for free Add-Ons.
TOOLS
OPTIONS
ADDONS
For example, I use ColorfulTabs, FlagFox, YouTube-to-MP3,
and SaveMyTabs.
There may be all kinds of others, that may eventually
strike your fancy. There is no rush. If you feel a need
for some Add-On, browse for it. Most likely, there is
one just waiting.
FireFox works quite well without any of those Add-Ons.
For example, the FlagFox simply shows a tiny flag of
the country, where that web site is based. Cute, but
like all those Add-ons, usually not really necessary.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Candy Filled Canning Jar Christmas Gifts
I always have canning jars around. At Christmas,
I fill some with assorted Christmas colored
candy; those star brite mints, gold and silver
foil wrapped candies, etc.
Linda
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the
service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man
marry?"
"Sixteen," the boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.
"How do you know that?"
"Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is
add it up, like the preacher said:
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Bill
I remember a Christmas years ago when my son was a kid. I
bought him a tank. It was about a hundred dollars, a lot
of money in those days. It was the kind of tank you could
actually get inside and ride. Instead, after hours of
assembly on my part, he ended up played in the box it came
in.
It taught me a valuable lesson. Next year he got a box, and
I got a hundred dollars' worth of scotch.
A guy and a girl are having a drink together in a bar. The
man raises his glass and says, "Here's hoping you're in
Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!"
"What's that mean?" asks the girl.
"That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish toast."
"Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."
"Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What's that?"
The girl says, "That's French toast."
Today, December 22, in
1715 James Stuart, the "Old Pretender", landed at Petershead
after his exile in France.
1775 A Continental naval fleet was organized in the
rebellious American colonies under Ezek Hopkins.
1807 The U.S. Congress passed the Embargo Act, designed
to force peace between Britain and France by cutting
off all trade with them.
1864 During the American Civil War, Union Gen. Sherman sent
a message to U.S. President Lincoln from Georgia. The
message read, "I beg to present you as a Christmas gift,
the city of Savannah."
1894 French army officer Alfred Dreyfus was convicted of
treason in a court-martial that triggered worldwide charges
of anti-Semitism. Dreyfus was eventually vindicated.
1895 German physicist Wilhelm Röntgen made the first X-ray,
of his wife's hand.
1939 Gloria Jacobs became the first girl to hold a world
pistol record when she shot 299 out of a possible 300
points. She was 17 years old at the time.
1956 The last British and French forces evacuated Egypt.
1990 Lech Walesa was sworn in as Poland's first popularly
elected president.
1998 A unit of RJR Nabsico pled guilty to attempting to
smuggle cigarettes into Canada.
2013 smiled.
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Desktop shortcut to Internet Radio
Saturday, December 21, 2013, 01:29 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, December 21.
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
If you want to make money with this during
NEXT Christmas, then there is no need to hurry,
but you should get organized soon.
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to
a guy in Oklahoma who made a
Marriage Proposal during his arrest
Details at International Bonehead Awards
Three more days to panic.
Then you will have to get serious!
By the way, this is, always has been and
always will remain a Merry Christmas site.
Season's Holiday is April 1, not in December.
So, save your "Season's Greetings" for four months or
risk looking really stupid.
Hannukhah is already over, that was November 27 to Dec 5.
In 2016 it will coincide with Christmas.
Sad news from Sweden.
Lillemor wrote me just shortly before I was going to
check the live camera.
The Yulebokken (Christmas Goat) in Gavle was burned down
just a few hours ago.
:(
The pranksters won, again. The expensive fire retardant was
totally useless.
Unfortunately the people in Gavle focus on being cute.
Elin, Tiger Woods' ex. is from there. Her mother is the
Governor. Quite cute. But not smart enough to put some
remote controlled garden hoses there and have volunteers
over the internet controll them via a cheap X-10 Internet
interface. That is apparently too Hi-Tech for people
focusing on being cute.
They could have used a lawn sprinkler on top to cover the
whole Yulebokken in a six foot thick coat of ice.
But for that they might have to get Ole and Sven back from
Minna-Sohta.
Sad!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.
--- Russell Baker (1925 - )
You are just as old as the woman you feel.
--- Groucho Marx
Thanks to Dianne for this comparisons between
Christmas and Hannukha:
Jews love Dec. 25th. It's another paid day off work. We go
to movies and out for Chinese food, and Israeli dancing.
Chanukah is eight days.
It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that
falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non
Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to
consult a calendar, so we don't look like idiots. We all
have the same calendar, provided free with a donation
from either the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher,
or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in Florida).
* Christmas is a major holiday, a Statutory (paid) holiday,
* Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most
Jewish holidays: They tried to kill us, we survived, let's eat!!!
* Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume,
stereos...
* Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks,
Viagra, or a the collected works of the Rambam which looks
impressive on the bookshelf.
* There is only one way to spell Christmas.
* No one can decide how to spell Chanuka, Chanukah, Chanukka,
Channukah,Hanukah, Hannuka, whatever.
* Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and
boyfriends. Their partners expect special gifts.
* Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects a
diamond ring on Chanukah, not even a fake one.
* Christmas brings enormous electric bills.
* Candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared
enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about
not contributing to the energy crisis.
* Christmas carols are beautiful. Silent Night, Come o Ye Faithful.....
* Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or
about having a party and dancing the Hora. Of course, we
are secretly pleased that many of the beautiful carols were
composed and written by Jews. And don't Barbara Streisand
and Neil Diamond sing them beautifully? And made tons
of money singing them?
* A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet
smell of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered
around in festive moods.
* A home preparing for Cha nukah smells of oil, potatoes and
garlic and onions. The home, is always full of loud people
all talking at once about nothing anybody is interested in.
* Christian women have fun baking Christmas cookies.
* Jewish women burn their eyes and cut their hands grating
potatoes and onions for latkes on Chanukah. Another
reminder of our suffering through the ages.
* Parents deliver gifts to their children during Christmas.
* Jewish parents have no qualms about withholding a gift
any of the eight nights of Chanukah.
* The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce
names such as Mary, Joseph and Jesus.
* The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus, Judah,
Maccabee, and Matta-whatever. No one can spell it or
pronounce it the same twice in a row. On the plus side, we
can tell our friends any BS, and they believe we are
wonderfully versed in our history.
* In recent years, Christmas has become more and more
commercialized.
* The same holds true for Chanukah, even though it is a
minor holiday. It makes sense. How could we market a major
holiday such as Yom Kippur? Forget about celebrating.
Think observing. Come to synagogue, starve yourself for...
27 hours, become one with your dehydrated soul, beat your
chest, confess your sins, make everybody else feel guiltier
than you, a guaranteed good time for you and your family.
Tickets a mere $200 per person.
* Christians greet each other with "Merry Christmas" and a
smile.
* Jews greet Christians with "Merry Christmas" and a
smile, so that they won't be asked when Hanukhah is, or
how it is spelled.
Jews greet other Jews with "Nu?"and hurry on before the
other can start complaining.
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Thanks to Rose for this story:
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came
into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper.
Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran
for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so
well that I had copies made and included one with each
of our Christmas cards.
Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically and suggesting I take a closer look.
Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to
discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my
reflection in the mirror---
wearing nothing but a camera!
Click on the picture for the large version
Fire Blower
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Stephen Goss, 53, Hacketstown, NJ
Marriage Proposal during arrest
Reported by Moe
Talk about a marriage proposal to remember.
An Oklahoma man proposed to his girlfriend last week while
an officer tried to arrest him on two outstanding warrants.
An officer spotted Justin Harrel of Elk City in a local
park last Friday and discovered that he had outstanding
warrants out of two counties for obtaining cash or
merchandise by bogus check, according to court documents.
Police said Harrel resisted arrest at first.
"I advised Justin that he was under arrest and directed
him to turn around and place his hands behind his back,"
the officer wrote in his police report. "Justin said,
'Steve, let's talk about this. Give me five minutes.'"
When the officer took him into custody, Harrel explained
that he was about to propose to his girlfriend. He asked
if he could go ahead with the proposal.
The officer allowed Harrel to complete the marriage
proposal, and Harrel's girlfriend eventually said yes.
Harrel then asked the officer to get the engagement
ring from his coat pocket and give it to her.
The officer handed the ring to the girlfriend.
Harrel was not cited for resisting an officer.
Tech Support Pits
From: Molly
Re: Desktop Shortcut to internet Radio
Dear Webby
Thank you very much for posting
the link to accuradio. I enjoy
listening to the music from the 60's.
My question is..
Is there a way I can make a short
cut to have the link on my desktop?
is it possible?
Thanking you in advance.
Molly.
Dear Molly!
That is really easy!
1) locate a free spot on the desktop, that you can get to, when the browser is open.
2) Go to http://accuradio.com
and there to your favorite channel
3) Look at the left corner of the address bar on the browser. You will see an icon there.
4) Drag that icon to your free spot on the desktop
That is all there is to it!
You can, of course, move that icon around, and if your Taskbar is unlocked, even drag it onto the Taskbar.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Cutlery Tray for Desk Drawer Organizer
Ever wondered what other uses cutlery trays have? I cheaply
sourced one at a garage sale recently with an extra sliding
top tray which lifts off. I ended up using it to store/
organize stationary bits and pieces in a drawer in our
computer room. Before this I was going to use it in my
make-up/hair accessory drawer.
By Knitwit
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A certain tax attorney took on a very complex
case of tax evasion for a rather mysterious
client. He devoted over a year to the case,
familiarizing himself with every loophole and
angle of current legislation, and made a
brilliant argument before the court.
His client was called out of town when the jury
returned with its verdict, a sweeping victory for
his client on every count. Flushed with victory,
the lawyer exuberantly cabled his client, "Justice
has triumphed!"
A realistic fellow, the client immediately wired
back, "Appeal at once!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a
minister when I grow up."
"That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday
anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell,
than to sit and listen."
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little
Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us
brought up in a good Christian home,
but I want to stay with you guys instead!"
Today, December 21, in
1620 The "Mayflower", and its passengers, pilgrims from
England, landed at Plymouth Rock, MA.
1898 Scientists Pierre and Marie Curie discovered the
radioactive element radium.
1944 Horse racing was banned in the United States until
after the end of World War II.
1945 U.S. Gen. George S. Patton died in Heidelberg,
Germany, of injuries from a car accident.
1948 The state of Eire (formerly the Irish Free State)
declared its independence.
1968 Apollo 8 was launched on a mission to orbit the moon.
The craft landed safely in the Pacific Ocean on December 27.
1971 The U.N. Security Council chose Kurt Waldheim to
succeed U Thant as secretary-general.
1988 270 people were killed when Pan Am Boeing 747 exploded
over Lockerbie, Scotland, due to a terrorist attack.
1991 Eleven of the 12 former Soviet republics proclaimed
the birth of the Commonwealth of Independent States.
1995 The city of Bethlehem passed from Israeli to
Palestinian control.
1998 A Chinese court sentenced two dissidents to long prison
terms for attempting to organize an opposition party.
1998 The first vaccine for Lyme disease was approved.
2002 Larry Mayes was released after spending 21 years in
prison for a rape that he maintained that he never committed.
He was the 100th person in the U.S. to be released after
DNA tests were performed.
2013 smiled.
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How to deal with telemarketers
Friday, December 20, 2013, 11:52 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, December 20.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
If you want to make money with this during
THIS Christmas,
then you better hurry!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to NJ drunk who
showed up impaired for the drivers license road test
Details at International Bonehead Awards
No UFO tonight. Sky was clear, but they seem to have gone,
turned their lights off, or are simply not reflecting the
moon tonight.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me,
but deep down I know that's not true.
Some smaller countries are neutral.
--- Robert Orben
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and
tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied,
"I'm not going."
"Why not?" she asked.
I'll give you two good reasons," he said.
"One, they don't like me,
and two, I don't like them."
His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU
SHOULD go to church.
(1) You're 57 years old, and
(2) you're the pastor!"
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
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Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go
home. He walked into the house and found his wife Fanny
in the arms of another man.
He started to yell at the interloper, "What right have you
got to be messing with my wife?"
The man answered calmly, "You may as well know that I am
in love with Fanny and I would like to marry her. I understand
you're a gambler. Why don't you be a good sport and sit
down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I'll
never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce
her.... Okay?"
"Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little
more interesting, why don't we play for a dollar a point?"
Click on the picture for the large version
Fire Blower
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Stephen Goss, 53, Hacketstown, NJ
Showed up drunk for drivers license road test
A Hackettstown man is accused of trying to take his drivers
license road test while drunk, police said.
Officer Daniel Novoa was dispatched to the Motor Vehicle
Commission office on Canfield Avenue on Dec. 11 after a
test instructor detected a strong odor of an alcoholic
beverage emanating from 53-year-old Stephen Goss,
police said.
Goss had allegedly driven his vehicle from Hackettstown
to the office and when the instructor thought she smelled
alcohol on his breath, she contacted her supervisor, who
had another employee contact police.
Novoa arrived at the scene and found Goss behind the wheel
with the engine running, waiting to take the test,
police said.
He was not allowed to take the test but was asked to perform
the standardized field sobriety test before he was charged
with driving while intoxicated and reckless driving,
police said.
Tech Support Pits
From: Brett
Re: Telemarketers
Dear Webby
You posted a good way to deal with telemarketers at one time.
They did not bother me in those days, so I did not pay
attention. My whole life seems to be like that.
Can you please tell us again?
Thanks
Brett
Dear Brett
When I get a call, I mute the Internet radio from
http://accuradio.com
If the call is from a typical call center, either an
888 or similar number, or a forged name like
"COLORADO", I click the phone onto speaker-phone mode.
I don't have a girlfriend named COLORADO, actually, until
I win the lottery, I don't realistically expect to have
a girlfriend.
When the telemarketer finally talks, I wait for a break,
then tell him "Please Hold!" and click the Internet Radio
off the Mute. Pretty snazzy HOLD music!
He probably works for a company, that intends to put me
on hold, if I ever want anything.
While the telemarketer waits for me to take him off the HOLD,
I continue working. Eventually he will give up and go bother
somebody else.
There is no point getting all riled up. Just put them on
HOLD and grin.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Kitty Out of Your Christmas Tree
I have been dealing with my year old kitty climbing into
and knocking over my Christmas tree until I came up with
this idea!
I blew up balloons and added them to the tree!
She jumped in and accidentally popped one causing her to
jump off immediately!
It stopped her from jumping into it again, so now I can
finish decorating it, but I think I will still leave some
in the tree, just in case.
:D
By Donna
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to
the man, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.''
The man groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became impatient.
''Sir,'' the usher said, ''if you don't get up from there I'm
going to have to call the manager.''
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher
who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search
of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the
manager returned and stood over the man. Together the
two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no
success.
Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the
situation briefly.
''All right buddy, what's your name?''
''Sam,'' the man moaned.
''Where ya from, Sam?'' the cop asked.
''The balcony.''
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Rheta for sending this poem:
When I was very little,
All the Grandmas that I knew
All walked around this world,
In ugly grandma shoes.
You know the ones I speak of,
Those black clunky heeled kind,
They just looked so very awful
That it weighed upon my mind,
For I knew, when I grew old,
I'd have to wear those shoes,
I'd think of that, from time to time
It seemed like such bad news.
I never was a rebel,
I wore saddle shoes to school.
And next came ballerinas
Then the sandals, pretty cool.
And then came spikes with pointed toes,
Then platforms, very tall,
As each new fashion came
I wore them, one and all.
But always, in the distance,
Looming in my future, there,
Was that awful pair of ugly shoes,
The kind that Grandmas wear.
I eventually got married
And then I became a Mom.
Our kids grew up and left,
And then their children came along.
I knew I was a Grandma
And the time was drawing near,
When those clunky, black, old lace up shoes
Was what I'd have to wear.
How would I do my gardening?
Or take my morning hike?
I couldn't even think about
How I would ride my bike!
But fashions kept evolving,
And one day I realized
That the shape of things to come
Was changing, right before my eyes.
And now, when I go shopping
What I see, fills me with glee.
For, in my jeans and Reeboks
I'm as comfy as can be.
And I look at all these teenage girls
And there, upon their feet
Are clunky, black, old Grandma shoes,
And they really think they're neat.
As a teacher, Ms. Jones, was very curious about how each
of her students celebrated Christmas. She called on young
Patrick Murphy.
"Tell me Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?", she
asked.
Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Jones, me and my
twelve brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we
sing hymns, then we come home very late, and we put mince
pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then, all
excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come
with all our toys".
"Very nice Patrick", she said.
"Now, Jimmy Brown what do you do at Christmas?"
"Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to Church with Mom
and Dad and we sing carols, and we get home ever so late.
We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our
stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring
our presents."
Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting
to leave him out of the discussion, she asked,
"Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?"
Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes
home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we
drive to his toy store. When we get inside, we look at all the
empty shelves and begin to sing
'What a Friend We Have in Jesus'.
Then we all go to the Bahamas."
Today, December 20, in
1606 The "Susan Constant," "Godspeed" and "Discovery" set
sail from London. Their landing at Jamestown, VA, was the
start of the first permanent English settlement in America.
1699 Peter the Great ordered that the Russian New Year be
changed from September 1 to January 1.
1790 The first successful cotton mill in the United States
began operating at Pawtucket, RI.
1803 The United States Senate ratified a treaty that included
the purchase of the Louisiana Territories from France for
$15 million. The transfer was completed with formal
ceremonies in New Orleans.
1820 The state of Missouri enacted legislation to tax
bachelors between the ages of 21-50 for being unmarried.
The tax was $1 a year.
1864 Confederate forces evacuated Savannah, GA as Union Gen.
William T. Sherman continued his "March to the Sea."
1879 Thomas A. Edison privately demonstrated his incandescent
light at Menlo Park, NJ.
1880 New York's Broadway became known as the "Great White Way"
when it was lighted by electricity.
1892 Alexander T. Brown and George Stillman patented the
pneumatic tire.
1928 Mail delivery by dog sled began in Lewiston, ME.
1938 Vladimir Kosma Zworykin patented the iconoscope
television system.
1946 In Indochina (Vietnam), full-scale guerrilla warfare
between Vietnam partisans and French troops began.
1963 The Berlin Wall was opened for the first time to
West Berliners. It was only for the holiday season. It
closed again on January 6, 1964.
1987 More than 3,000 people were killed when the Dona Paz,
a Philippine passenger ship, collided with the tanker Vector
off Mindoro island, setting off a double explosion.
1989 General Noriega, Panama's dictator, was overthrown by a
United States invasion force invited by the new civilian
government. The project was known as Operation Just Cause.
1994 Marcelino Corniel, a homeless man, was shot and mortally
wounded by White House security officers. He had brandished
a knife near the executive mansion.
1995 An American Airlines Boeing 757 en route to Cali,
Colombia, crashed into a mountain, killing all but four of
the 163 people aboard.
1996 Doctors reported that a Cypriot woman who had taken
fertility drugs was carrying about 11 embryos.
1998 In Houston, TX, a 27-year-old woman gave birth to the
only known living set of octuplets.
1999 The Vermont Supreme Court ruled that homosexual couples
were entitled to the same benefits and protections as wedded
couples of the opposite sex.
1999 Sovereignty over the colony of Macao was transferred
from Portugal to China.
2001 The U.S. Congress passed a $20 billion package to finance
the war against terrorism taking place in Afghanistan.
2001 The first British peacekeepers arrived in Afghanistan
to help the nation heal after decades of war.
2013 smiled.
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Thursday, December 19, 2013, 01:53 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, December 19.
Home4Christmas.com is for
sale.
The sale of this domain name
includes a quarter year hosting,
and a basic site design.
You have to gather the pictures
yourself, though, and put some
text together. The text can be
in email or word processor or
text file, or HTML, if you are
already familiar with it.
Once you have your own site,
you can, of course edit and
expand at any time. I will just
make a headstart desgn
for you, if you want that.
If you want to make money with this during
THIS Christmas,
then you better hurry!
Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a drunk
who was jailed for slugging his mother, because he
was too stupid to understand why there was no ornament
with his name.
Details at International Bonehead Awards
No UFO tonight. Somehow, they don't seem to like blizzards,
or maybe their lights are just not made to shine through
an earthly blizzard. If the lights I saw were just the moon
reflecting off two big windows or shiny sections, then of
course I can't expect them to get through the blizzard any
more than the moon does. We'll see tomorrow.
I sure could have used their help getting my wheelie-bin
out of a three foot high snow drift and through a few two-
footers down to the street. No such luck. So I went and
asked Curt, the local Rambo for help. No problem!
More town names from James:
Ramsbottom, England
Dickshooter, Idaho
Assless, Scotland
Cockgag, Ohio
Bird In Hand, Pennsylvania
French lick, Indiana
Hornytown, North Carolina
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Love doesn't just sit there, like a stone;
it has to be made, like bread,
remade all the time, made new.
--- Ursula K. LeGuin
Let thy speech be short,
comprehending much in a few words.
--- Aprocrypha
Minister at a funeral service,
"Friends, let us say goodbye
to our beloved, departed friend.
Let us remember that here
lies only the shell--
the nut has gone!"
LOTS of Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes
They Are All Original, Rich, Raw
Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy
Yet So Easy To Make!
Our original chocolate recipes have all the
delicious flavor, smoothness and decadence
of what you love about chocolate,
but with an amazing twist.
>From Red
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross
the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer
was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when
the light is red.
She responded, "Amazing! In a blizzard like this, nobody
sees much more than the blind people, so that buzzer
gives blind drivers a cool advantage!"
I don't want to be out there if and when she is driving!
Thanks to Terry for this picture of her
favorite Squirrel: Ferby5
Click on the picture for the large version
Sandie's Rainbow
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Andrew Sosa,
Jailed For Leaving 4-Month-Old Daughter
In Car While He Enjoyed Strip Club
Bad dad of the year nominee Andrew Sosa left his 4-month-old
daughter in the car, covered in vomit and dehydrated, while
he went to a Florida strip club, police say.
Sosa, 21, was arrested and charged with child neglect late
Friday when a witness in Fort Myers saw the baby inside a
locked car at Lookers strip club, according to the News-
Press. The witness flagged down an officer, who was forced
to smash a window to get the baby out when he couldn't find
a caretaker nearby.
The baby was reportedly sweating and sick. She was taken
to a nearby hospital to be treated for dehydration, NBC-2
in Fort Myers reports.
Meanwhile, Sosa was allegedly at Lookers. Police say he
left the victim in the car for more than three hours, but
the baby's uncle refutes the claim.
Sosa appeared in court Saturday, and his bond was set at
$100,000, according to the New York Daily News.
Tech Support Pits
From: Helen
Re: Internet Radio
Dear Webby
Thank you so much for your newsletter.
I have misplaced the link to the online radio you spoke
about. Will you please let me know where it is
located?
Thanks again
Helen
Dear Helen
I use Accuradio
http://accuradio.com
They have countless channels and you can further
customize your channels by banning artists,
that you don't like.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Christmas Tree Tips
If you buy a natural tree, check the ends of the needles.
Rub some of the sprigs between your fingers. If needles
fall off, the tree is already dry. If not, it's a
good one.
Cut 1 inch or so off the bottom before you put it into the
stand, this will allow it to soak up more water and it will
last longer. Keep the water level in your tree stand deep
enough to cover the cut base of the trunk, so it can continue
to absorb water. If the cut end of the base dries out, the
tree will dry out very quickly, too.
Try to keep the water level steady. In the first week, a
tree in your home will draw up as much as a quart of water
per day. Aspirin, sugar, or commercial mixes added to the
water do not appear to really help your tree last much
longer. Just keep it watered.
Jane
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
When I worked for the security department of a large retail
store, my duties included responding to fire and burglar
alarms. A side door of the building was wired with a
security alarm, because it was not supposed to be used by
customers. Nevertheless they found the convenience of the
exit tempting. Even a sign with large red letters, warning
"Alarm will sound if opened," failed to deter people from
using it.
One day, after attending to a number of shrieking alarms,
I placed a small handmade sign on the door that totally
eliminated the problem:
"Wet paint."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Alex
Tiring of the same old buzz cut from the base barber at
Fort Dix, New Jersey, I went into town to get my haircut.
The hairdresser noticed my accent and asked where I was
from.
"Trinidad," I said.
"Is that in Arabia?"
"The Caribbean."
She laughed, "Sorry, I never was very good at geometry."
Even Mother Superior knew good milk when she drank it.
The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying.
The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last
journey comfortable.
They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused.
Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift
the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a
generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her
lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more and
before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down
to the last drop.
"Mother," the nuns asked with humility, "please give us
some wisdom before you die."
She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her
face said, "Don't sell that cow."
Today, December 19, in
1154 Henry II became King of England.
1562 The Battle of Dreux was fought between the Huguenots
and the Catholics, beginning the French Wars of Religion.
1732 Benjamin Franklin began publishing "Poor Richard's Almanac."
1776 Thomas Paine published his first "American Crisis" essay.
1777 General George Washington led his army of about 11,000
men to Valley Forge, PA, to camp for the winter.
1842 Hawaii's independence was recognized by the U.S.
1843 Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" was first
published in England.
1871 Corrugated paper was patented by Albert L. Jones.
1887 Jake Kilrain and Jim Smith fought in a bare knuckles
fight which lasted 106 rounds and 2 hours and 30 minutes.
The fight was ruled a draw and was halted due to darkness.
1903 The Williamsburg Bridge opened in New York City. It
opened as the largest suspension bridge on Earth and remained
the largest until 1924. It was also the first major
suspension bridge to use steel towers to support the main
cable.
1907 A coalmine explosion in Jacobs Creek, PA, killed 239
workers.
1957 Air service between London and Moscow was inaugurated.
1972 Apollo 17 splashed down in the Pacific, ending the
Apollo program of manned lunar landings.
1984 Britain and China signed an accord returning Hong Kong
to Chinese sovereignty on July 1, 1997.
1986 The Soviet Union announced it had freed dissident Andrei
Sakharov from internal exile, and pardoned his wife,
Yelena Bonner.
1989 U.S. troops invaded Panama to overthrow the regime of
General Noriega.
1996 The school board of Oakland, CA, voted to recognize
Black English, also known as "ebonics." The board later
reversed its stance.
1997 "Titanic" opened in American movie theaters.
1998 U.S. President Bill Clinton was impeached on two
charges of perjury and obstruction of justice by the
U.S. House of Representatives.
1998 A four-day bombing of Iraq by British and American
forces ended.
2000 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose sanctions on
Afghanistan's Taliban rulers unless they closed all terrorist
training camps and surrender U.S. embassy bombing suspect
Osama bin Laden.
2003 Images for the new design for the Freedom Tower at the
World Trade Center site were released. The building slopes
into a spire that reaches 1,776 feet.
2008 U.S. President George W. Bush signed a $17.4 billion
rescue package of loans for ailing auto makers
General Motors and Chrysler.
2013 smiled.
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