Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Drunk Florida woman, who tried hit 
and run during traffic stop
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, gave police 
 broad authority to stop and question people who run at 
 the sight of an officer. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, 
as when you find a trout in the milk.
--- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)

______________________________________________________

Children have started growing up
when they stop asking you where they came from
and start refusing to tell you where they are going.

______________________________________________________

In America the late night news used to broadcast this message:
"It's 11 o'clock do you know where your children are?
In England they say
"Its 11 o'clock do you know where your wife is?"
In France they say
"It's 11 o'clock do you know where your husband is?"
In Poland they say:
"Its 11 o'clock do you know where you are?"
In Iran they say:
"Its 11 o'clock and we know where you are."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Roy for this picture:


Click through for the big picture
 Cordon del Caulle erupts in Chile


If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to 


Amy Lee Giorgio
30
Gulf Breeze
Florida

Drunk woman tries hit 
and run during traffic stop

A Gulf Breeze police officer was seriously injured Monday 
afternoon when he was run over by a motorist during a 
traffic stop, according to law enforcement officials.

About 2 p.m., Sgt. Kerstan Tatro stopped Amy Lee Giorgio, 
30, after seeing her driving erratically near the south 
end of the Pensacola Bay Bridge, Gulf Breeze Chief of 
Police Robert Randle said. As Tatro was standing by 
Giorgio's driver's side window speaking to her, he 
reportedly noticed Giorgio trying to put her Lexus CV 
into gear.

Tatro reached into the window in an attempt to grab her 
car keys out of the ignition, Randle said. Giorgio 
accelerated with Tatro still partway in her window, 
carried him a short distance and ran him over when he 
fell from the vehicle's side.

"I don't know the complete extent of his injuries, but his 
arm was fractured in the window," Randle said. "It was 
pretty obviously broken."

Tatro was taken by ambulance to a local hospital. His 
injuries did not appear to be life-threatening, according 
to Randle.

A motorist who saw the incident called 911 and followed 
Giorgio to the rear parking lot of the Crowne Plaza 
Pensacola Grande Hotel. The Pensacola Police Department 
arrived at the parking lot moments later and took 
Giorgio into custody.


Randle said officers found drugs in her possession, and 
she appeared to be impaired during her arrest. Giorgio 
was transferred into the custody of the Gulf Breeze 
Police Department to be transported to Santa Rosa 
County Jail.

Giorgio was previously scheduled for a Jan. 20 trial 
on charges of possession of cocaine, possession of 
drug equipment and driving under the influence. 
She has numerous prior arrests for drug offenses, 
according to jail records, as well as active warrants 
in Escambia and Santa Rosa counties, according to Randle.

By coincidence, one of the people who stopped and ran to
help the downed Sgt Tatro was his teenage daughter, screaming
'My dad, that’s my dad'

Sgt Tatro is sitting comfortably in hospital with a big 
cast from armpit to knuckles and expects to get a shorter 
cast in a week.

______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Bob
Re: Windows compatibility warning

Good Morning Webby,
I got another problem for you to solve. 
I don't know whether this is Microsoft trying to scare me 
to use their updates or whether this is a legitimate fact.

I have an old SONY VGC-RB30 desktop with XP and SP3.  I 
try to keep it updated but with Microsoft not supporting 
XP I tried using "Advanced System Care 8.0 PRO " 
"Drive Booster 2" to update. Part way through the update 
I get the following message:
"The software you are installing has not passed Windows 
Logo testing to verify its compatibility with Windows XP".

"Continuing your installing of this software may impair 
or destabilize the correct operation of your system either 
immediately or in the future. Microsoft strongly 
recommends that you stop this installation now and 
contact the software vendor for software that has 
passed Windows Logo testing."

Depending upon your advice (which I always follow because 
I trust you) will determine whether I call the vendor 
or continue with the update.

I plan to buy a new computer when Windows 10 becomes 
available as my SONY is between 5 to 10 years old.

Thank you for your advice,
Daily Voter,
Bob


Dear Bob
A lot of Microsoft stuff does not have the requirements to 
pass the Logo standard. Skype is one example. 
It used to be compatible, but a couple of years after they 
bought it for 8 Billion dollars, they screwed it up and it 
is no longer Windows compatible.
DUH! 
I would ignore that thilly fear mongering BS.

If you do want to get free XP updates until 2019, read this:
Free Windows XP updates until 2019

As long as you have McAfee and Malwarebytes you are safe, 
and don't really have to worry about XP updates.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Money By Baking Your Own Bread
One way to save quite a bit on food is to learn your way 
around baking yeast. You can find a whole pound of it for 
about $2.50 at little shops or places that sell in bulk 
and you use it a tablespoon at a time - it lasts for 
months in the refrigerator. There are plenty of sites 
on the internet that will walk you through the process 
of making bread.

The finished product will taste better than anything you 
can buy in the store, and will cost less than the most 
marked down loaf on the shelf.

By Linda in the kitchen from Weirton, WV
By Linda Craig
 
______________________________________________________

This guy found the neatest way to make his wife a 
more careful and defensive driver. He pointed out 
to her if she's ever in an accident,
the paper will print her real age.



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt 
in confirmation request. 

This guy found the neatest way to make his wife a more 
careful and defensive driver. He pointed out to her if 
she's ever in an accident,
the paper will print her real age.

_____________________________________________________

The father watched through the window as his young daughter 
made a snowman with a little friend. Entertained by the sight, 
he went closer and heard the little neighbor boy say:
"I've got an idea. To finish it off, I'll go to the kitchen 
and find a carrot."

And his daughter replied, "Make it two. The second can be 
his nose."







The majestic Friesian 
is my favorite breed of horse.








Today in 
49 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon River signaling a 
 war between Rome and Gaul. 
1519 Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I died. (executed)
1875 Kwang-su was made emperor of China. 
1879 The British-Zulu War began when the British invaded 
 Zululand. 
1882 Thomas Edison's central station on Holborn Viaduct 
 in London began operation. 
1908 A wireless message was sent long-distance for the first 
 time from the Eiffel Tower in Paris. 
1915 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a proposal 
 to give women the right to vote. 
1938 Austria recognized the Franco government in Spain. 
1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland. 
1943 The Office of Price Administration announced that 
 standard frankfurters/hot dogs/wieners would be replaced 
 by 'Victory Sausages.' 
1945 During World War II, Soviet forces began a huge 
 offensive against the retreating Germans in Eastern Europe.
1964 Leftist rebels in Zanzibar began their successful revolt 
 against the government and a republic was proclaimed. 
1966 U.S. President Johnson said in his State of the Union address 
 that the United States should stay in South Vietnam until 
 Communist aggression there was ended. 
1970 The breakaway state of Biafra capitulated and the 
 Nigerian civil war came to an end. 
1971 "All In the Family" debuted on CBS-TV. 
1973 Yassar Arafat was re-elected as head of the Palestinian 
 Liberation Organization. 
1991 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution authorizing President 
 Bush to use military power to force Iraq out of Kuwait. 
1995 Northern Ireland Secretary Patrick Mayhew announced that 
 as of January 16 British troops would no longer carry out 
 daylight street patrols in Belfast. 
1998 Tyson Foods Inc. pled guilty to giving $12,000 to former 
 Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy. Tyson was fined $6 million. 
1998 19 European nations agreed to prohibit human cloning. 
1998 Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's 
 office with taped conversations between herself and former 
 White House intern Monica Lewinsky. 
2000 The U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, gave police 
 broad authority to stop and question people who run at 
 the sight of an officer. 
2005 NASA launched "Deep Impact". The spacecraft was planned 
 to impact on Comet Tempel 1 after a six-month, 268 
 million-mile journey. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, January 11

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an 
Indiana couple, that was arrested 
for making and uploading bestiality videos
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1867 Benito Juarez returned to the Mexican presidency, 
 following the withdrawal of French troops and the execution 
 of Emperor Maximilian. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









First secure an independent income, then practice virtue.
--- Greek Proverb   

______________________________________________________

While handing a 25 cent-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the 
checkout counter, a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped 
beneath the scale and was gone.
The checker looked distressed, so I the woman said, "That's Okay, it's 
in coupon heaven now."

"Coupon heaven?", the checker said.

"Yes", the woman said, "That's where coupons go when they die."

"Only the redeemed ones go to heaven!" said the checker.

______________________________________________________

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a
combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the
combination, but couldn't quite remember it. Finally she went
to the pastor's study and asked for help.
The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After
the first two numbers, he paused and stared blankly for a moment.
Finally, he look serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently.
Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final
number, and opened the lock.

The teacher was amazed, "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor."

"It's really quite simple." he mumbled to himself.
"The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling."

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture


If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to 



Nikki Colleen Murphy-Johnson, 
33, and 
Jason Erin Johnson, 
37,
Anderson, 
Indiana

Indiana couple arrested 
for making and uploading 
bestiality videos

A couple in Anderson, Indiana, have been charged with 
bestiality after a video surfaced allegedly showing a 
woman having sex with their pit bull.

Nikki Colleen Murphy-Johnson, 33, and Jason Erin Johnson, 
37, were each charged with three counts of bestiality in 
connection with a video and photos produced this past 
June and July, Fox59.com reports.

A detective in Fairfax County, Virginia, discovered the 
footage on Beastforum, a bestiality-oriented website and 
alerted Indiana authorities in Anderson, according to 
the Daily Mail.

Anderson police said the couple admitted to making and 
posting the video during questioning, WTHR.com reports.

The pit bull used in the video -- whose name is "Lucky" -- 
has been taken from the couple, according to the 
Indianapolis Star.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Daniel
Re: Pre-set window size


How do set a screen size so it stays full screen every 
time you open it?
daniel


Dear Daniel
Most people want the opposite, but if that is what you 
want, try this:
Click the middle button at the right top,
then drag the edge of the window to the size you want 
to be the default, then close the window and/or program.
Next time you open it, it will open at the size you set.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Taco Seasoning
I love cooking with taco seasoning! I do NOT love paying an 
arm and a leg for each tiny little envelope. In one of my 
cookbooks, I found a recipe for homemade taco seasoning. 
The first thing I thought when I tasted it was, 
"Where have you been all my life?"
Not only does it taste better than pre-packaged, it is 
super quick, easy and cheap! It is also better for you, 
as it does not have preservatives in it. I figure each 
serving costs me around 35 cents. Compared to about 
$1.50 a serving that I usually pay, I'm doing a happy 
dance.:)
Try it, you won't be disappointed! This would make a nice 
gift in a jar tied with pretty ribbon as well.
Approximate Time: About 5 minutes
Yield: About 6-- 1/4 cup servings
Ingredients:
1/2 cup dried minced onion
1/4 cup sweet paprika
1/4 cup cornstarch
3 Tbsp chili powder
2 Tbsp salt
2 Tbsp garlic powder
1 Tbsp ground cumin
1 Tbsp dried oregano
1 tsp cayenne pepper (optional)
*I buy generic spices at Walmart and Aldi's. This will keep 
your cost very low.
Steps:
Combine all ingredients in a bowl. Stir with a whisk to 
blend well.
Store in an airtight container. Use 1/4 cup for any recipe 
that calls for an envelope of taco seasoning.
A jar of homemade taco seasoning
Enjoy!
Source: "Family Feasts for $75 a Week", Mary Ostyn
By melissa [59]
 
______________________________________________________

The man told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things
around the house that he used to do. When the examination was
complete, he said,
"Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what's 
wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied,
"You're just a plain lazy old fart."

"Thank You." said the man. "Now give me the 
medical term, so I can tell my wife!"




Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt 
in confirmation request. 

The teacher asked little Johnny,
"Can you name four shooting stars?"

Little Johnny said, "I sure can. Wyatt Earp,
Annie Oakley, Buffalo Bill, and John Wayne."

______________________________________________________

Little  asked dad where they came from.
Dad squirmed a bit, but thought it was time for the facts of life.
So, Dad told of how the expression of love resulted in the beginning
of life, how life developed and finally how a child was born.

As Dad told the story, 's eyes got wider and wider.

When Dad was finished,  said,
"Wow, that's really neat. That sure beats what Billy told me.
He said that he came from Chicago."







Some amazing photos! 
Being a llama lover I especially 
like the “Admiring Machu Picchu 
with a Friend”







Today in 
1569 England's first state lottery was held. 
1770 The first shipment of rhubarb was sent to the United S
 tates from London. 
1815 U.S. General Andrew Jackson achieved victory at the 
 Battle of New Orleans. The War of 1812 had officially ended 
 on December 24, 1814, with the signing of the Treaty of 
 Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached British 
 troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans. 
1861 Alabama seceded from the United States. 
1867 Benito Juarez returned to the Mexican presidency, 
 following the withdrawal of French troops and the execution 
 of Emperor Maximilian. 
1878 In New York, milk was delivered in glass bottles for 
 the first time by Alexander Campbell. 
1902 "Popular Mechanics" magazine was published for the 
 first time. 
1913 The first sedan-type car was unveiled at the National 
 Automobile Show in New York City. The car was manufactured 
 by the Hudson Motor Company. 
1922 At Toronto General Hospital, Leonard Thompson became 
 the first person to be successfully treated with insulin. 
1935 Amelia Earhart Putnam became the first woman to fly 
 solo from Hawaii to California. 
1942 Japan declared war against the Netherlands. The same 
 day, Japanese forces invaded the Dutch East Indies. 
1943 The United States and Britain signed treaties 
 relinquishing extraterritorial rights in China. 
1964 U.S. Surgeon General Luther Terry released a report 
 that said that smoking cigarettes was a definite health 
 hazard. 
1977 France released Abu Daoud, a Palestinian suspected 
 of involvement in the massacre of Israeli athletes at 
 the 1972 Munich Olympics. 
1978 Two Soviet cosmonauts aboard the Soyuz 27 capsule 
 linked up with the Salyut 6 orbiting space station, where 
 the Soyuz 26 capsule was already docked. 
2001 The Texas Board of Criminal Justice released a review 
 of the escape of the "Texas 7." It stated that prison staff 
 missed critical opportunities to prevent the escape by 
 ignoring a fire alarm, not reporting unsupervised inmates 
 and not demanding proper identification from inmates. 
2002 Thomas Junta, 44, was convicted of involuntary 
 manslaughter for beating another man to death at their 
 son's hockey practice. The incident occurred on July 5, 2000.
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, January 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
man in Floriduh for throwing his 5 year old daughter
off a bridge in full view of police
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy 
 America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever 
 corporate merger priced at $162 billion.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, 
instead of bleeding, he sings.
--- Ed Gardner

Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
--- Milton Friedman (1912 - 2006)

______________________________________________________

"Remember, the first five minutes of a human
being's life are the most dangerous."


Underneath, a nurse had written:
"The last five are pretty risky, too."

______________________________________________________

Nancy was studying to be a counselor always went
into her counseling sessions with an ear muff over one ear.

After a while the supervisor became very curious
and asked her about it.

She replied, "It's for confidentiality."

"Confidentiality?" asked the bewildered supervisor.

"Yes, confidentiality," Nancy explained, "I've been told what
goes in one of my ears comes out the other, and I don't
want anyone else knowing what my client says."

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture


If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to 



John Jonchuck Jr.
25
St. Petersburg
Floriduh


Girl, 5, dies after being thrown 
from bridge; father arrested

God will not likely be representing John Jonchuck Jr., a 
judge told the 25-year-old father when he appeared in court 
Thursday on a charge that he killed his 5-year-old daughter 
by throwing her off of a St. Petersburg, Florida, bridge.

During the video hearing, Pinellas-Pasco Circuit Judge 
Michael Andrews asked the handcuffed Jonchuk if he was 
able to hire his own lawyer.

"No," Jonchuk replied.

Would he like one appointed?

Again, the reply was, "No."

"Are you sure?" Andrews pressed.

"I want to leave it in the hands of God," Jonchuk said.

Asked if that meant he wanted to represent himself, 
Jonchuk repeated his answer, to which the judge said, 
"Pretty sure God's not going to be representing you 
in this case. You're going to be standing trial. 
Would you like someone standing next to you as you're 
standing trial?"

"Yes, that is pure and good, not evil," the 
defendant said.

"I'm going to do the best I can to give you a pure and 
good lawyer," Andrews said.

"I don't want a court-appointed lawyer," Jonchuk said, 
seeming slightly perturbed. "I want to leave it in the 
hands of God."

Andrews instructed an officer to bring Jonchuk back to his 
courtroom Monday "to see if he wants an attorney."

Though he ordered Jonchuk held on bonds of $10,000 each 
for charges of aggravated assault on a law enforcement 
officer and aggravated fleeing and eluding, Andrews ruled 
there would be no bond on the first-degree murder charge.

Jonchuk was arrested Thursday after a St. Petersburg police 
officer was driving home just after midnight and saw a car 
whiz past him, driving about 100 mph, authorities said.

According to the arrest affidavit, Jonchuk parked on the 
Dick Misener Bridge, exited, ignored the officer's command 
to stay in the vehicle and reached into the right rear 
passenger seat where his daughter, Phoebe, was sitting.

Jonchuk "then carried the child in his arms to the side 
of the bridge and intentionally dropped the child into 
the water. Then he entered his vehicle and fled the scene," 
the affidavit said.

The officer heard a splash and tried to climb beneath the 
bridge to save the girl, but the current was too strong, 
St. Petersburg police spokeswoman Yolanda Fernandez told 
CNN affiliate WFLA.

It's about a 62-foot drop to the water from that point on 
the bridge.

Another officer tried to pull over Jonchuk's white 
Chrysler PT Cruiser on Interstate 275, but the defendant 
allegedly "conducted a U-turn and drove directly at a 
backup officer's vehicle, in which case the officer had 
to take evasive action to avoid a crash," another arrest 
affidavit said.

Several law enforcement agencies joined the chase, 
including marked patrol cars with their emergency lights 
and sirens activated, for several miles. Jonchuk eventually 
stopped his vehicle in the middle of the interstate and 
was taken into custody, according to the affidavit.

The body of the girl was later recovered.

Jonchuck is being held at the Pinellas County Jail. 
Police have not disclosed a motive.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Doris
Re: Print preview, page setting in Chrome

Dear Webby
I like Chrome, but when it comes to printing, 
it is brain-dead. There is no easily findable page setting
for printing or print preview. Do I have to crank up 
FireFox each time I want to print something in other than
stnadard zoom or change color to mono?
Thanks
Doris


Dear Doris
CTRL P is for printing "As Is".
CTRL SHIFT P is for getting into the printer preferences
like zoom, mono, etc. 

Keep in mind, some printers will keep those preferences.
If you set the zoom for 70% for printing a batch of invoices,
it  will continue printing at 70% until you change that.
Some printers, like for example Brother printers, will revert 
to default on the next print job, and you have to select the
alternate profile again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Luggage Tote as Grocery Bag
I wish I could take the credit for this. I saw this in the 
Aldi's Food Store. A customer used an large luggage tote 
with wheels to transport his groceries. Since he lived 
alone he only brought enough to fit inside. I told him 
it was genius. I ask could I share his tip. He said OK. 
He wouldn't share his name.
Source: A gentleman I met at the store
By Georgetta Ruth [57]

I have seen some seniors use baby carriages with big 12 inch
pneumatic wheels, with a big climber's expedition packsack
mounted on them. They had no problem getting around and met
smiles and jokes everywhere.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
 
______________________________________________________

A man had a ticket for the theater but when he was seated by the
usher, he found that he was too far from the stage.

He whispered to the usher, "This is a mystery play, and I have to
watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you
a handsome tip."

The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the
usher a quarter.

The usher looks at the quarter, frowns at him, then leans over
and whispers, "The wife did it".



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt 
in confirmation request. 

John had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest
equipment, but his technique never improved a bit. As his
friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly
drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he
drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a
new ball in another part of the woods.

"Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked.

"I've never had an old ball," he said.

______________________________________________________

A Chinese couple while working in a Chinese restaurant,
fall in love and get married - and she's a virgin.
On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed
sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her
and tries to be reassuring: "My darling, I know dis you firs
time and you bery frighten. I promise you, I give you anyting
you wann, I do anyting you wann.... What you wann?"

"I wann have numma 69" she replies.

He looks at her very puzzled and says,
"You wann .. Beef Bloccoli Tsow Mein?"








Stunning 2200-Year-Old Mosaics Discovered in Ancient Greek City. This ancient art is amazing, especially after being under water for centuries. 







Today in 
1840 The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a 
 standard charge rather than paid for by the recipient, 
 began in Britain. 
1861 Florida seceded from the United States. 
1863 Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of 
 the London Underground Railway system. 
1870 John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil. 
1901 Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near 
 Beaumont, TX. 
1911 Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from 
 an airplane while flying over San Diego, CA. 
1928 The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky. 
1951 Donald Howard Rogers piloted the first passenger jet 
 on a trip from Chicago to New York City. 
1978 The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a 
 Soyuz capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space 
 laboratory. 
1984 The United States and the Vatican established full 
 diplomatic relations for the first time in more than 
 a century. 
1990 Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing 
 after seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy 
 protests had saved China from "the abyss of misery." 
1990 Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a 
 $14 billion merger. 
1994 In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She 
 had been charged with maliciously wounding her husband 
 John. She was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity. 
1997 Shelby Lynne Barrackman was strangled to death by her 
 grand-father when she licked the icing off of cupcakes. 
 He was convicted of the crime on September 15, 1998. 
2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy 
 America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever 
 corporate merger priced at $162 billion.
2001 American Airlines agreed to acquire most of Trans 
 World Airlines (TWA) assets for about $500 million. The 
 deal brought an end to the financially troubled TWA. 
2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all 
 women could get the morning-after contraception pill 
 for free in pharmacies. 
2003 North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from 
 the global nuclear arms control treaty and that it had 
 no plans to develop nuclear weapons. 
2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.3 million feature 
 length films sold and 50 million television episodes sold.
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Ron!

Ezinefinder still has not been switched to 2015. 
It is still stuck in 2014. Not enough nagging yet.
You can try writing to
lewis@cumuli.com
support@cumuli.com
and try the email forms at 
http://www.ezinefinder.com/contact.html
http://www2.thriftyfun.com/about/contact.lasso

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
man in Floriduh advertising his criminal activity
on his T-shirt
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting in public.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









The important thing is not to stop questioning.
--- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)  

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, 
except the things in the world that just don't add up.
--- James Magary 

Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody
agrees that it is old enough to know better.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? 
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? 
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be 
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what 
language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? 
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? 
Have noses that run and feet that smell?

______________________________________________________

A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one
evening just after arriving home from work. As he was
tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor
calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague
on the other end of the line.

"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.

As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, 
"Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely.
"In fact, three doctors are there already!"

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture


If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to 





John Balmer
50
Hudson
Floriduh



'I Have Drugs' T-Shirt Worn By 
Marijuana And Methamphetamine carrier

The words written across John Balmer's chest really fit 
him to a tee.

The 50-year-old was wearing a shirt that read, 
"Who Needs Drugs?" in big letters, with "Seriously, I 
Have Drugs" in smaller letters underneath when cops 
allegedly found him with a bag containing drugs in a 
Kmart in Hudson, Florida, according to TampaBay.com.

The ironic arrest occurred after a Pasco County Sheriff's 
deputy allegedly saw Balmer attempt to pass a plastic 
bag containing pot and meth to another customer on the 
checkout line, TBO.com reports.

When that person didn't take the bag, police said Balmer 
walked to another register where he allegedly placed the 
drug-filled baggie on the ground.

Balmer returned to pay for his items, but store employees 
informed officers about the bag. The officers picked up 
the bag and discovered the drugs, according to 
MyFoxChicago.com

Balmer was arrested on one count of possession of 
methamphetamine and one count of possession of marijuana, 
WFLA.com reports.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Doris
Re: Print preview, page setting in Chrome

Dear Webby
I like Chrome, but when it comes to printing, 
it is brain-dead. There is no easily findable page setting
for printing or print preview. Do I have to crank up 
FireFox each time I want to print something in other than
stnadard zoom or change color to mono?
Thanks
Doris


Dear Doris
CTRL P is for printing "As Is".
CTRL SHIFT P is for getting into the printer preferences
like zoom, mono, etc. 

Keep in mind, some printers will keep those preferences.
If you set the zoom for 70% for printing a batch of invoices,
it  will continue printing at 70% until you change that.
Some printers, like for example Brother printers, will revert 
to default on the next print job, and you have to select the
alternate profile again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Paint/Artist's Brushes
As an artist I sometimes forget to rinse my brushes out 
well. By the time I get back to it it is completely stiff 
and dried with paint. The way I rescue these brushes is 
to fill an old plastic cup with enough Murphy's oil soap 
to cover the bristles and let it sit overnight. In the 
morning rinse well with cold water (hot water breaks down 
brushes faster). I do this every 6 months to all of my 
brushes whether they need it or not because it makes 
them feel like they are brand new.
By Rachel Guillotte [1]
 
______________________________________________________

Thanks to Martin for this story:
Two men are out ice fishing at their favourite fishing hole,
just fishing quietly and drinking beer.
Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Rick says,
"I think I'm going to divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken
to me in over 2 months."

Dave continues slowly sipping his beer, then thoughtfully says,
"You better think it over - women like that are hard to find."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt 
in confirmation request. 

On the way hom as I was sitting in the Phoenix
airport, they announced that the flight was full. The
airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats.

In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next
flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later.
About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage
of the offer.

About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down
grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, "If there
is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to
volunteer,  please step forward!"

______________________________________________________

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with
a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back
yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew,
she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he
returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye.

"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.

"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."








The 2015 Harbin Ice and Snow Festival. There are some truly imaginative and talented people to sculpt all this beauty out of ice and snow every year.  I’m in awe of what all this talent has done. 






Today in 
1793 Jean-Pierre Blanchard made the first successful balloon 
 flight in the U.S. 
1799 British Prime Minister William Pitt the Younger introduced 
 income tax, at two shillings (10p) in the pound, to raise 
 funds for the Napoleonic Wars. 
1894 The New England Telephone and Telegraph Company put the 
 first battery-operated switchboard into operation in 
 Lexington, MA. 
1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting in public. 
1905 In Russia, the civil disturbances known as the Revolution 
 of 1905 forced Czar Nicholas II to grant some civil rights. 
1929 The Seeing Eye was incorporated in Nashville, TN. The 
 company's purpose was to train dogs to guide the blind. 
1936 The United States Army adopted the semi-automatic rifle. 
1940 Television was used for the first time to present a 
 sales meeting to convention delegates in New York City. 
1969 The supersonic aeroplane Concorde made its first trial 
 flight, at Bristol. 
1972 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth was destroyed by fire 
 in Hong Kong harbor. 
1972 British miners went on strike for the first time since 1926. 
1986 Kodak got out of the instant camera business after 10 years 
 due to a loss in a court battle that claimed that Kodak 
 copied Polaroid patents. 
1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Poliakov, 51, completed his 
 366th day in outer space aboard the Mir space station, 
 breaking the record for the longest continuous time spent 
 in outer space. 
2002 Yasmine Bleeth was sentenced to two years of probation, 
 regular drug tests, 100 hours of community service and pay 
 the court costs in connection to a cocaine-possession charge. 
2002 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was 
 pursuing a criminal investigation of Enron Corp. The company 
 had filed for bankruptcy on December 2, 2001. 
2003 Archaeologists announced that they had found five more 
 chambers in the tomb of Qin Shihuang, China's first emperor. 
 The rooms were believed to cover about 750,000 square feet. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 8

Ezinefinder still has not been switched to 2015. 
It is still stuck in 2014
The Humor Letter got 15840 votes in 2014,
and my friend Ophelia got 4214 in 2014.

I am continuously amazed that Ophelia can't seem to
increase her subscriber numbers. Sure, she is a bit 
raunchy, but so are Playboy or Playgirl. It's a mystery.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Florida dad, who took his 5 month old baby along to 
a burglary
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He 
 named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!








Some have been thought brave 
because they were afraid to run away.
--- Thomas Fuller (1608 - 1661)

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping 
reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep 
next to a tree, something is wrong.
--- George Carlin (1937 - 2008)

______________________________________________________

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an
attendant standing nearby.

"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous
representations you call modern art?"

"No, Madam," replied the attendant.
"That one's called a mirror."

______________________________________________________

The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider
of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to
quarrelling with his neighbours, and occasional shotgun
blasts at some of them.

"Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good
thing comes out of this drinking?"

"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider.
"It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture
That is carved from ice!


If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to 


Corey Mathews,
22
607 7th Street North
St. Petersburg
Florida


Florida Man, Accused Of 
Toting Baby To Home Burglary

TAMPA, Fla. (Reuters) - A Florida man is accused of bringing 
his 5-month-old son to a home burglary attempt, during which 
he set the baby down so that he could pull a knife on the 
homeowner, police said on Tuesday.

Corey Mathews, 22, was arrested on charges including 
aggregated assault and child neglect for his role in the 
attempted burglary on Monday evening, according to the 
St. Petersburg Police Department.

Police said Mathews held his baby in a carseat as he acted 
as the lookout for another man trying to break into a 
home. Mathews yelled upon seeing the homeowner, and the 
other suspect fled.

The homeowner followed Mathews down an alley, where he put 
the baby on the ground and threatened the owner with a 
knife, police said in a statement. 

Mathews was still carrying the infant when police later 
apprehended him, the statement said. Police say they 
found the knife he threatened the homeowner with 
on his person.

Corey Mathews is now charged with residential burglary, 
aggravated assault, child neglect 
and violation of probation.

The child is now in the custody of Mathew's mother, 
police said.

______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Hank
Re: Registry problem alerts

Dear Webby
Thanks for all your help in the past and your Daily Humor Letter.
I have "Smart PC Fixer" for my registry problems.
I will run the Fixer, which states that my PC is at 100.
Then some other "warning" will appear than my PC has a sever registry problem.
I let them scan my PC and they give the results that I have problems.
Is this just a scan or a scam?
Thanks.
 
hank


Dear Hank
That seems to be a scam.
Try to find out which program is generating the fake alerts.
Quite possibly your machine is infected with a hijacker. 
You might need Malwarebytes to get rid of that. 
Avast doesn't protect you against stuff like that.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Dry Laundry Soap for Twenty Dollars a Year
Homemade Laundry Deteregent using Borax and baking soda.
Buy these ingredients at the dollar store. You will only 
need 2 tablespoons per load of laundry.
Materials

3 bars of Fels Naptha soap
1 box of borax
1 box of washing soda
2 cups of baking soda
2 containers of Oxiclean

Instructions

First grate your soap, then mix all ingredients together. 
I used two garbage bags doubled up. Tie well and shake all 
your ingredients around a few times. Put into a container 
with a lid.

You can add 1-2 containers of fabric softener crystals 
into the mix for a nice smell.
By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario
 



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt 
in confirmation request. 

Husband: I know you are having a lot of trouble with the baby,
Dear, but keep in mind, "the hand that rocks the cradle is the
hand that rules the world."

Wife: How about taking over the world for a few hours while
I go shopping ?

______________________________________________________

Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started
to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like
all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so
upset, I've lost 20 pounds."

"Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her
friend.

"Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at
least another fifteen pounds first."





24 exceptional ice sculptures. 
I love the horses 
coming out of the snow, 
what a fantasy world!




Today in 
1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had 
 officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing 
 of the Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not 
 reached British troops in time to prevent their attack 
 on New Orleans. 
1838 Alfred Vail demonstrated a telegraph code he had 
 devised using dots and dashes as letters. The code 
 was the predecessor to Samuel Morse's code. 
1856 Borax (hydrated sodium borate) was discovered by 
 Dr. John Veatch. 
1877 Crazy Horse (Tashunca-uitco) and his warriors fought 
 their final battle against the U.S. Cavalry in Montana. 
1886 The Severn Railway Tunnel, Britain's longest, was opened. 
1889 The tabulating machine was patented by Dr. Herman 
 Hollerith. His firm, Tabulating Machine Company, later 
 became International Business Machines Corporation (IBM). 
1900 U.S. President McKinley placed Alaska under 
 military rule. 
1908 A catastrophic train collision occurred in the smoke-
 filled Park Avenue Tunnel in New York City. Seventeen 
 were killed and thirty-eight were injured. The accident 
 caused a public outcry and increased demand for electric trains. 
1935 The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy. 
1973 Secret peace talks between the United States and North 
 Vietnam resumed near Paris, France. 
1973 The trial opened in Washington, of seven men accused of 
 bugging Democratic Party headquarters in the Watergate 
 apartment complex in Washington, DC. 
1982 American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) settled the Justice 
 Department's antitrust lawsuit against it by agreeing to divest 
 itself of the 22 Bell System companies. 
1982 The U.S. Justice Department withdrew an antitrust suit 
 against IBM. 
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush collapsed during a state 
 dinner in Tokyo. White House officials said Bush was 
 suffering from stomach flu. 
1994 Tonya Harding won the ladies' U.S. Figure Skating 
 Championship in Detroit, MI, a day after Nancy Kerrigan 
 dropped out because of a clubbing attack that injured her 
 right knee. The U.S. Figure Skating Association later 
 took the title from Harding because of her involvement 
 in the attack. 
1998 Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for his role 
 of mastermind behind the World Trade Center bombing in New York. 
1998 Scientists announced that they had discovered that galaxies 
 were accelerating and moving apart and at faster speeds. 
1999 The top two executives of Salt Lake City's Olympic 
 Organizing Committee resigned amid disclosures that civic 
 boosters had given cash to members of the International 
 Olympic Committee. 
2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old pyramid 
 and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to two
US Ski team members, who suicided on the 
day before the opening World Cup race
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He 
 named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!








Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell 
your parrot to the town gossip.
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935)

______________________________________________________

A young and foolish hot-shot pilot wanted to sound cool and
show who was boss on the aviation radio frequencies. So,
this was his first time approaching an airfield during the nighttime.
Instead of making any official landing requests to the tower, he said:
....."Guess who?"

The tower controller switched the field lights off and replied:
"Guess where...!"

______________________________________________________

I bet it was really tough being an Apostle of Jesus. What if   
you wanted a day off?   

You ring up Jesus and say, "Jesus, I'm sick today, running a   
little fever and feeling congested so I won't be able to make   
it to today's sermon. What...? Say that again..?" I'm cured?"   

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture
Solden, Tirol
The avalanche, that those guys set off, is a third in 
from the left.

There are  160 KM (100 miles) of groomed, safe ski runs 
in that picture.

http://www.soelden.com/ski-area-map

When clicking on the life panorama cameras, keep in mind 
the time difference. The panrorama cameras are high 
resolution color.


If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
and a DARWIN AWARD 
goes to 



Ronnie Berlack, 
20, 
Bryce Astle, 
19,



US Ski team members suicide day before 
2015 Alpine Skiing World Cup Opening race

Two American skiers suicided in an avalanche, that they
set off in the Austrian Alps near their training base.

Ronnie Berlack, 20, and Bryce Astle, 19, 
were junior members of the US team.

They were part of a group of six who were descending from 
a mountain near the Rettenbach glacier, the venue for the 
races that will open the 2015 Alpine Skiing World Cup.

Officials in Tyrol say avalanche alerts had been declared 
following days of heavy snowfall and mild temperatures,
and all unsafe slopes were fenced off. Those suiciders 
climbed over the fencing onto an the avalance ready slope,
and skied down in the SLOW and deep snow until they set 
off an avalanche.

There are  160 KM (100 miles) of groomed, safe ski runs
right there, which are all tens of times faster than
unprepared deep snow.

They triggered an avalanche on the 3,000m (10,000 feet) 
Gaislachkogel mountain near Solden, and were buried 
under the snow of the avalanche, that they had set off.

The four other skiers with Mr Berlack and Mr Astle were 
dug out in time by rescue teams and were not hurt.

Usually there are follow-up avalanches making rescues
extremely dangerous, but none of the rescue team members 
were killed or hurt.

The president of the US Ski and Snowboard Association 
Tiger Shaw said, the two victims were "outstanding ski 
racers who were passionate about their sport".

Messing with an avalanche in deep snow has absolutely 
nothing to do with the type of skiing used on hard packed 
and precision groomed racing runs. There are plenty of
groomed and hard packed fast runs there, that are 
perfectly safe. That is why their training base is there.

Well, the boneheads were not able to outrace the
avalanche, that THEY had set off. So they are in 
caskets getting shipped home instead of participating 
in today's Opening Race of the 2015 Alpine Skiing World Cup.

It is fortunate, that no rescuers were killed or hurt
because of their suicides.

______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Jeff
Re: Music on Internet Postcards

Dear Webby
Hi -- sort of 'something else.' I have music as part of 
my ecards site here:
http://www.pulpcards.com/e-pcs/epcindex.html

and a visitor wrote recently that he 
"... can’t get music on my Mac mini can you help?"

I've never had a Mac Mini Q. before and don't have one. 
Any suggestions? Or is it perhaps you only support 
Windows-based machines?

Thanks for any feedback I can pass along to the 
visitor.
Best regards,
Jeff 


Dear Jeff
It makes no diff whether the user uses UNIX or Linux or 
Windows or Mac or a tablet or a phone. His problem is 
HIS choice of browsers.

Some browsers play .mid files like they always have, 
and some browsers have chickened out, claiming copyright 
issues as an excuse, and require the user to download and 
install an add-in, extension or player.

Mac users probably need to install the Apple QuickTime player, 
if they use the Mac Safari browser,
or switch to a browser, that will work on a Mini Mac and will 
play midi files.

We only send the midi files. The user needs to have some 
kind of player.

We might switch over to .wav files, if there is enough demand 
or if I get some spare time.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Christmas Clearance for Easter
With the stores trying to rid themselves of Christmas 
inventory (Target is now 70% off!), you can score some 
pretty amazing deals that aren't just bound by a December 
holiday. Small toys are perfect for Easter baskets, and 
red and white themed chocolates are perfect for Valentine's 
Day! The haul below retailed for over $20 and will fit 
nicely in my toddler's Easter basket for only $6. Now if 
only I can find a place to store it.

By Rae G. [7]
 



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt 
in confirmation request. 

>From Arby
When my daughter was about 10 years old I became pregnant.   
Of course, she wwanted to know how it happened,so I gave   
what I considered an appropriate explanation of the process.   

She asked, "Did you do that to get me?"   

I said yes, and she responded, "And you did it again?"   

______________________________________________________

>From Curtis
While I was serving as a chief master sergeant at Barksdale
Air Force Base in Bossier City, La., my son and namesake
was also serving there. His two-month-old son, whose name
was the same as ours, was receiving medical treatments at
the base hospital.

I went on sick call one morning, and as the doctor reviewed
my file, he looked at me in disbelief. "Are you Curtis E.
Chaffin?" he asked.

When I answered yes, he told me, "It says here that you
turn blue when you cry."














Handimals, painted hands






Today in 
1558 Calais, the last English possession on mainland France, 
 was recaptured by the French. 
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He 
 named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 
1785 French aeronaut/balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard 
 successfully made the first air-crossing of the English 
 Channel from the English coast to France. 
1887 Thomas Stevens completed the first worldwide bicycle 
 trip. He started his trip in April 1884. Stevens and his 
 bike traveled 13,500 miles in almost three years time. 
1894 W.K. Dickson received a patent for motion picture film. 
1896 The "Fannie Farmer Cookbook" was published. 
1904 The distress signal "CQD" was established. Two years 
 later "SOS" became the radio distress signal because it 
 was quicker to send by wireless radio. 
1927 Transatlantic telephone service began between New York 
 and London. 31 calls were made on this first day. 
1932 Chancellor Heinrich Brüning declared that Germany 
 cannot, and will not, resume reparations payments. 
1942 The World War II siege of Bataan began. 
1949 The announcement of the first photograph of genes was 
 shown at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles. 
1953 U.S. President Harry Truman announced the development of 
 the hydrogen bomb. 
1954 The Duoscopic TV receiver was unveiled this day. The TV 
 set allowed the watching of two different shows at the 
 same time. 
1959 The United States recognized Fidel Castro's new 
 government in Cuba. 
1975 OPEC agreed to raise crude oil prices by 10%, which 
 began a time of world economic inflation. 
1979 Vietnamese forces captured the Cambodian capital of 
 Phnom Penh, overthrowing the Khmer Rouge government. 
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that 
 authorized $1.5 billion in loans for the bail out of 
 Chrysler Corp. 
1989 Crown Prince Akihito became the emperor of Japan 
 following the death of his father, Emperor Hirohito. 
1990 The Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed to the public. 
 The accelerated rate of "leaning" raised fears for the 
 safety of its visitors.
1996 One of the biggest blizzards in U.S. history hit the 
 eastern states. More than 100 deaths were later blamed 
 on the severe weather. 
1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky signed an 
 affidavit denying that she had an affair with U.S. 
 President Clinton. 
1999 U.S. President Clinton went on trial before the 
 Senate. It was only the second time in U.S. history that 
 an impeached president had gone to trial. Clinton was later 
 acquitted of perjury and obstruction of justice charges. 
2002 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates introduced a new 
 device code named Mira. The device was tablet-like and was 
 a cross between a handheld computer and a TV remote control. 
2009 Russia shut off all gas supplies to Europe through 
 Ukraine. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin publicly endorsed the 
 move and urged greater international involvement in the 
 energy dispute. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
wimp in Connecticut, who threatens town to 
'be ready for a hail of bullets'
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and 
 77,000 Allied casualties. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!








The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world 
if they had been obliged first to learn Latin.
--- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856)

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy,
but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.
--- Bill Vaughan

"There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, 
and that is to contradict other philosophers."
--- William James

______________________________________________________

>From Roland
I saw an old friend of mine and came up to speak with him. 
He smiled and went the other way. "I'm sorry but I've got 
to go online" he called to me, running next door. I looked 
in the next room for his computer or cell phone but did 
not see one.

Instead, I saw him put in his hearing aids and look at me 
again, "You were saying?"

______________________________________________________

John came from San Francisco to Depoe Bay and
asked a native,

"Say, is this really a healthy place?"

"It sure is," the native replied. "When I came here I couldn't
say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't
have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be
lifted out of bed."

"That's wonderful!" said John. "How long have you been here?"

"I was born here."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Sailor for this picture:


Click through for the big picture


If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to 



Tyler McKenzie
18
EAST LYME, 
Connecticut

Tyler McKenzie Threatens Connecticut 
Town To 'Be Ready For A Hail Of Bullets'

An 18-year-old man was arrested after allegedly threatening 
that a Connecticut town "better be ready for the hail of 
bullets" because he had been bullied for so long.



The threat by Tyler McKenzie prompted the East Lyme school 
district to cancel sporting events and plan for additional 
security measures when classes resume Monday, police said.

McKenzie was arrested Wednesday and charged with first-degree 
threatening and second-degree breach of peace.

The arrest came about a week after the threatening comment 
was posted on YikYak, a social media website. State, local 
police and the FBI searched McKenzie's home in East Lyme 
and recovered evidence, authorities said.

Investigators say McKenzie admitted he wrote the threatening 
post. They say he acted alone, and they don't anticipate 
additional arrests.

McKenzie was held on a $25,000 bond and is scheduled to 
appear in New London Superior Court on Friday.

______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Jean
Re: Back up your ID

Dear Webby
1. Do not sign  the back of your credit cards. Instead, put 'PHOTO ID REQUIRED.'  

2. When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts,  DO  NOT 
put the complete  account number on the 'For' line. Instead, just put the  last 
four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the number, and anyone
who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing 
channels won't have access to it. 

3. Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a 
PO Box use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a PO Box, use 
your work address. Never  have your  SS# printed on your checks. (DUH!) 
You can add it if it is necessary. But if you have It printed, anyone can get it. 

4. Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. 
Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you 
had in your wallet and all of the account numbers
and phone numbers to call and cancel. Keep the photocopy in a safe place.  
I also carry a photocopy of my passport when I travel either here or 
abroad. We've all heard horror stories about fraud that's committed on 
us in stealing a Name, address, Social Security number, credit cards. 
In case your luggage is lost, take another list in your carry
on bag, especially if you are abroad and need immediate access to 
those numbers.

Unfortunately, I, an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because 
my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieves ordered 
an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit 
card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, 
received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record 
information online, and more.  

But here's some critical information to limit the damage in case this happens
to you or someone you know: 

5. We have been told we should  cancel our  credit cards immediately. But 
the key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you 
know whom to call.. Keep those where you can find them. 

6. File a  police report immediately in the jurisdiction 
where your credit cards, etc.., were stolen. This proves to credit 
providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward 
an investigation (if there ever is one). 
But here's what is perhaps  most important of all: (I never even thought to do this.)  

7. Call the  3 national credit reporting organizations  immediately 
to place a fraud alert on your name and also call the Social Security fraud 
line number. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that 
called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my 
name.  

The alert means any company that checks your credit knows 
your information was stolen, and they have to contact you by 
phone to authorize new credit. 

By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after 
the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of 
all the credit checks initiated by the thieves' purchases, 
none of which I knew about before placing the alert. 
Since then, no additional damage has been done, and 
the thieves threw my wallet away this weekend (someone 
turned it in). It seems to have stopped them 
dead in their tracks.. 

Now, here are the numbers you always need to contact 
about your wallet, if it has been stolen: 

1.) Equifax:  1-800-525-6285  1-800-525-6285   
2.) Experian (formerly TRW):  1-888-397-3742  1-888-397-3742  
3.) Trans Union :  1-800-680 7289  1-800-680 7289  
4.) Social Security Administration (fraud line): 
1-800-269-0271  1-800-269-0271 

Jean


Dear Jean
That is valuable information indeed!
Let's hope a lot of the subscribers will heed your advice.
I will!

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Homemade Play Dough
My kids love this play dough. I have made just about every 
kind you can imagine, but we always go back to this one. 
I've been making it so long (over 10 years!), that I have 
no idea where the recipe came from. The texture is amazing. 
It's very soft and silky. It's perfect for little hands. 
It smells wonderful, too! My daughter plays with it for 
hours and it doesn't dry out in that time.

Approximate Time: About 15 minutes total.
Home Made Play Dough
 



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt 
in confirmation request. 

I urgently needed a few days off work but I knew the boss
would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I
acted 'crazy', then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny
noises.

My secretary asked me what I was doing.
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so the
Boss might think I was 'crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later, the boss came into the office and asked,
'What in the name of Sam Hill are you doing?'
I told him I was a light bulb.
He said, 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and
recuperate for a couple of days.'
I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my secretary followed me, the boss asked her,
'And where do you think you're going?!'

To which she replied:
'I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.'

______________________________________________________

"Pastor," Johnny says, "I heard you say today that our
bodies came from the dust."

"That's right, Johnny, I did."

"And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go
back to dust."

"Yes, I'm glad you were listening.  Why do you ask?"

"Well you better come over to our house right away and
look under my bed, 'cause there's someone either
comin' or goin'!"


Bonus Link
 sent in by Simon

 These Kanye West Fans Want To Know: “Who Is this Paul McCartney?




Today in 
0871 England's King Alfred defeated the Danes at the Battle of Ashdown. 
1205 Philip of Swabia was crowned as King of the Romans. 
1453 Frederick III erected Austria into an Archduchy. 
1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to Anne of Cleves, 
 his fourth wife. 
1720 The Committee of Inquiry on the South Sea Bubble 
 published its findings. 
1838 Samuel Morse publicly demonstrated the telegraph for 
 the first time. 
1900 In India, it was reported that millions of people were 
 dying from starvation. 
1900 Off of South Africa, the British seized the German 
 steamer Herzog. The boat was released on January 22, 1900. 
1930 The first diesel-engine automobile trip was completed 
 after a run of 792 miles from Indianapolis, IN, to New York City, NY. 
1942 The first commercial around-the-world airline flight 
 took place. Pan American Airlines was the company that 
 made history with the feat. 
1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and 
 77,000 Allied casualties. 
1950 Britain recognized the Communist government of China. 
1952 "Peanuts" debuted in Sunday papers across the United States. 
1967 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces launched a major 
 offensive, known as Operation "Deckhouse V". 
1982 William G. Bonin was convicted in Los Angeles, CA, of 
 being the "freeway killer" who had murdered 14 young men and boys. 
1987 After a 29-year lapse, the Ford Thunderbird was presented 
 with the Motor Trend Car of the Year Award. It was the first 
 occurrence of a repeat winner of the award. 
1994 Figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed on the right 
 leg by an assailant at Cobo Arena in Detroit, MI. Four men 
 were later sentenced to prison for the attack, including 
 Tonya Harding's ex-husband. 
1998 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect was launched into orbit 
 around the moon. The craft was crashed into the moon, in 
 an effort to find water under the lunar surface, on 
 July 31, 1999. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Monhday, January 5

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
William Mattson Beaten To 
Bloody Pulp After Allegedly Raping 
Nephew's Girlfriend
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1896 It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm 
 Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that became 
 known as X-rays. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!








Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.
Martin Luther King Jr. (1929 - 1968)
______________________________________________________

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue...
and then you add eggs and sugar and you get cake?

Where does the glue go?
-------------
your hips!

______________________________________________________
As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a
cheap housing complex near the base where he was
working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were
paper-thin and that they had no privacy.

This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband
was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone.

She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet
her neighbor.

"Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of
toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for
15 minutes!"
______________________________________________________

Thanks to Jean for this picture:


Click through for the big picture


If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to 



William Mattson, 
52
Myrtle Beach 
South Carolina


William Mattson Beaten To 
Bloody Pulp After Allegedly Raping 
Nephew's Girlfriend

A South Carolina man was severely beaten after allegedly 
raping his nephew's girlfriend on New Year's Eve.

William Mattson, 52, can be seen in his mugshot with an 
eye swollen shut and cuts and bruises. The sexual assault 
suspect is accused of attacking the woman at a party while 
his nephew --the victim's boyfriend --was away, 
according to Myrtle Beach Online.

The nephew told police that he heard sounds coming from 
inside his father's bedroom when he returned to the party. 
He kicked down the door and says he found Mattson on top 
of his girlfriend. He said he punched Mattson repeatedly, 
driving him from his house.

When police were called at about 1 a.m. on Jan. 1, Mattson 
returned to the property to tell officers that the sex was 
consensual, according to the New York Daily News.

Mattson's nephew lunged again, attacking the suspect in front 
of officers. Nevertheless, the police department described 
the nephew's attack as being in defense of the victim, 
according to a press release.

The victim, of course, standing between her boyfriend and 
the cops, denied that the incident was consensual.

Mattson was charged with first-degree criminal sexual 
conduct.

______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Alex
Re: SSH

Dear Webby
What exactly is SSH?
A program I am trying to buy, requires that I have SSH access.
However, my web host tells me that I don't need it and would
not know how to use it, even if I had it. So, what is it and
what does it do?
Alex


Dear Alex
SSH is secure access to the server command line, just like
Telnet used to be until about 15 years ago. The main
difference is that SSH is securely encrypted and can't be
intercepted.

It is not difficult to use, and programs, that require it, are
very specific and detailed about what you need to do.
Usually they even give you the exact command to type
or paste to the command line.

Then you type that in and hit Enter.
No big deal at all.

Web hosting is often like an MLM pyramid. The farther down
you are, the fewer rights and privileges you have. When you
don't get SSH, but instead get a snotty reply implying that
you would not know how to use it, then you know you have hit
rock bottom, and it's time to move up a few levels or get a
better web host.

The bare command line can be a bit intimidating to some
people, but at our level, for example, we explain what each
command does, and step you through it while connected to
you via Skype chat. It's no big  deal.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Bind Your Shop Extension Cord
I couldn't find a rubber band or any kind of tie to bind up 
my cord so I used a tube sock. First I cut off the toe end 
of it and stretched it over the cord that I had rolled up. 
It fit perfect and held it together without any problems 
of it snapping or falling off.

By Shirley [13]
 



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt 
in confirmation request. 

From a passenger ship one can just barely see a bearded man   
on a small island in the distance who is shouting and   
desperately waving his hands.   

"Who is that?" a passenger asked a passing steward.   

"I've no idea. Every year when we pass by, he goes nuts."   

______________________________________________________

>From Vi
All my relatives know that I refold the wrapping paper from 
my Christmas presents for reuse later. 
"Auntie," asked one of my young nieces, "why do you save 
all that paper?" 

"I'm doing what's best for the environment," I replied. "So 
I'm recycling." 

"Good thing you didn't ask that question five years ago," 
my daughter interrupted. "Then she was just plain cheap."


Bonus Link
 sent in by Sailor

 Grand Canyon in snow




Today in 
1781 Richmond, VA, was burned by a British naval expedition 
 led by Benedict Arnold. 
1885 The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to 
 offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation 
 of farm wagons on trains. 
1896 It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm 
 Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that became 
 known as X-rays. 
1900 In Ireland, Nationalist leader John Edward Redmond 
 called for a revolt against British rule. 
1903 The general public could use the Pacific cable for 
 the very first time. 
1914 Ford Motor Company announced that there would be a 
 new daily minimum wage of $5 and an eight-hour workday. 
1933 Construction of the Golden Gate Bridge began. 
1944 The London "Daily Mail" was the first transoceanic 
 newspaper to be published. 
1948 Warner Brothers-Pathe showed the very first color 
 newsreel. The footage was of the Tournament of Roses 
 Parade and the Rose Bowl football classic. 
1956 In the Peanuts comic strip, Snoopy walked on two 
 legs for the first time. 
1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon ordered the 
 development of the space shuttle. 
1987 U.S. President Ronald Reagan underwent prostate 
 surgery. 
1993 The state of Washington executed Westley Allan Dodd. 
 It was America's first legal hanging since 1965. Dodd 
 was an admitted child sex killer. 
1996 Yahya Ayyash, a member of the Hamas in Israel, is 
 killed by a booby-trapped cellular phone. 
1998 U.S. Representative Sonny Bono died in skiing accident. 
2002 A 15 year-old student pilot, Charles Bishop, crashed a 
 small plane into a building in Tampa, FL. Bishop was about 
 to begin a flying lesson when he took off without permission 
 and without an instructor. 
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, January 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Father and son criminal duo, who murdered and robbed 
an old couple, set their house on fire, took their bodies
on a 4 hour ride to a different state, and shot at two cops.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1885 Dr. William Grant performed the first successful appendectomy.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!








I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, 
I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead 
him to a quiet place, and kill him.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; 
I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others.
--- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

"Science is facts; just as houses are made of stones, 
so is science made of facts; 
but a pile of stones is not a house and a 
collection of facts is not necessarily science."
--- Henri Poincare
______________________________________________________

Bubba goes to the revival and listens to the preacher. 
After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come 
forward and be prayed over. Bubba gets in line.

When it's his turn the preacher says, "Bubba, what you want 
me to pray about?"

Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

So the preacher puts one finger in Bubba's ear and the other 
hand on top of his head and prays a while.

After a few minutes, he removes his hands and says, 
"Bubba, how's your hearing now?"

Bubba says, "I don't know preacher, it's not until 
next Wednesday in Dallas.

______________________________________________________

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly
announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I
grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" 

"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday  
anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, 
than to sit and listen."

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture

Not Basking Robin

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to 



Eric Campbell, 21
Edward Campbell, 54
Indian Acres, 
Texas


Father and son criminal duo, 
who murdered and robbed an old couple, 
set their house on fire, took their 
bodies on a 4 hour ride to a different 
state, and shot at two cops.

A Texas father and son went on a multi-state crime spree 
Thursday, robbing and killing a couple in North Carolina 
before transporting the bodies to West Virginia, where 
they shot two officers, police say.

Eric Campbell, 21, and his father, 54-year-old Edward Campbell, 
both of Indian Acres, Texas, were pulled over in Lewisburg, 
West Virginia on Thursday afternoon. They were in separate 
vehicles, one of which police flagged as stolen. 
Edward Campbell, who was driving a red truck at the time, 
allegedly opened fire on two officers, wounding both of 
them. Cops returned fire and hit the suspect in the leg.

Edward fled, but was later collared as he hid in the woods. 
Eric turned himself in about 90 minutes after the shootout. 
Both wounded officers have just superficial wounds.

Upon further investigation, cops found the bodies of Jerome 
Faulkner, 73, and his 62-year-old wife, Dora, under a mattress 
in the bed of the red pickup truck, WVNS reports.

Investigators believe the Campbells chose the couple at 
random to rob and murder in their Oak Hill, North Carolina 
home. The suspects allegedly lit the house on fire at about 
7 a.m., threw the bodies in the back of the truck and drove 
nearly four hours to West Virginia.

"When we first got the call, we thought it was just a 
structure fire," Granville County, North Carolina Sheriff 
Brindell Wilkins told WVNS. "As things progressed, we found 
some things here that didn't look right."

Both of the suspects were charged with malicious assault 
and attempted murder of an officer. Eric Campbell, whose 
mugshot is above, was held without bail at the Southern 
Regional Jail in West Virginia, while his father is still 
hospitalized with a bullet wound to the leg.

The officers, identified as Jeromy Dove and Nicholas Sams, 
are recovering with superficial wounds from the shooting.

______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Ron
Re: Monitor colors

Dear Webby
My monitors (work and home) show colors as different as
Fuji and Kodak. When I fix a picture to look right at home,
it looks crappy on the monitor at work. And vice versa.
Is one of them dying or is there an adjustment to save it?
Ron


You can adjust the color temperature of a monitor. Just play
with the menu buttons until you get to a menu that has big
numbers, like 4500 and going up to 9300, or sometimes
even higher. A low number gives you a warm lighting, like
candle light, a high number gives you a hot light, like
mercury vapor or arc, or "cool white" fluorescent.

Straight from the factory, most monitors come set at
9300, and most people never change that setting. If you
set your monitor to 9300, then if a picture looks OK for
you, it will look OK for most people.

To see how a print job will look, lower the numbers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Baking Powder For Glowing Skin
One should use baking powder on their face for a glow. 
After that, there is no need to do a facial, this will 
automatically give you a facial look.

By Suman from New Delhi
 



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt 
in confirmation request. 
There was a large revival meeting on the outskirts
of town, and at the appropriate corner there was
a large sign proclaiming...."If you are weary of
sin and want to be saved, turn here, go 100 yards,
and come into the revival tent."

Below the sign someone had hung another smaller
one.
"If NOT weary, 
call Sherry 
555-3550."

______________________________________________________

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would
stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand
below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the
character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor
playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his
place. When the new actor announced,
"I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and he actor
began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck.
No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. 

One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: 
"Hallelujah! Hell is full!"






 Dianne got her wings December 29




Today in 
1884 The socialist Fabian Society was founded in London. 
1885 Dr. William Grant performed the first successful appendectomy.
1936 The first pop music chart based on national sales was 
 published by "Billboard" magazine. 
1944 The attack on Monte Cassino was launched by the British 
 Fifth Army in Italy. 
1948 Britain granted independence to Burma. 
1951 During the Korean conflict, North Korean and Communist 
 Chinese forces captured the city of Seoul. 
1953 Tufted plastic carpeting was introduced by Barwick Mills. 
1958 The Soviet satellite Sputknik I fell to the earth from 
 its orbit. The craft had been launched on October 4, 1957. 
1962 New York City introduced a train that operated without 
 conductors and motormen. 
1965 The Fender Guitar Company was sold to CBS for $13 million. 
1984 Wayne ‘The Great One’ Gretzky scored eight points (four 
 goals and four assists) for the second time in his National 
 Hockey League (NHL) career. Edmonton’s Oilers defeated the 
 Minnesota North Stars, 12-8. The game was the highest-
 scoring NHL game to date. 
1991 The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously to condemn 
 Israel's treatment of the Palestinians in the occupied 
 territories. 
1997 The Greek Cypriot government signed an agreement to 
 buy S-300 surface-to-air missiles from Russia. 
1999 A drifting Nicaraguan fishing boat was found by the 
 Norwegian oil tanker Joelm. The fisherman had been lost at 
 sea for 35 days after the engine of their vessel quit 
 working. 
1999 Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura was sworn 
 in as Minnesota's 37th governor. 
2006 Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the U.S. House of 
 Representatives. She was the first woman to hold the position. 
2010 In Dubai, United Arab Emirates, the Burj Dubai 
 (Dubai Tower) opened as the world's tallest tower at 
 2,625 feet
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, January 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
A Floriduh couple, who hid in a museum closet
and thought they were locked in.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1833 Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands in the 
 South Atlantic. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the 
 islands from the British, but Britain took them back after 
 a 74-day war.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!








I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, 
I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead 
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
______________________________________________________

>From Barbara
I have a joke for you.
Shortly before our 25th wedding anniversary, my husband 
sent 25 long-stemmed yellow roses to me at my office.

A few days later, I plucked all the petals and dried them. 
On the night of our anniversary, I spread the petals over 
the bed and lay on top of them, wearing only a negligee.

As I’d hoped, I got a reaction from my husband.
When he saw me, he exclaimed, “Are those potato chips?”

Barbara

______________________________________________________

Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and
didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too:

"A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry."
she told him.

"Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are
you planning to marry?"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to my dad for thgis picture:


Click through for the big picture

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to 



Amber Campbell, 24
John Arwood
Daytona Beach,
Floriduh

Florida couple spent days in 
unlocked closet, thought they were trapped

A pair of hapless accused trespassers spent two days in 
a closet, thinking they were trapped inside.

John Arwood and Amber Campbell told police that someone had 
chased them into the closet at Daytona State College's 
Marine and Environmental Science Center on Sunday. Once 
they were inside the janitor's closet, they couldn't 
get out.

But it wasn't until Tuesday that Arwood decided to call 911. 
When Daytona Beach police arrived, they discovered that the 
door did not lock.

Cops found human feces and suspected drug paraphernalia in 
the closet, but they didn't find any drugs.

Arwood and Campbell were both charged with trespassing. 
Campbell was also charged with violating her probation.

In 2013, she was arrested after escaping a mental health 
treatment facility, crashing a car and escaping from the 
back of a police cruiser. Interesting tramp stamp on her 
throat. "Deep throat for $" 

According to the Orlando Sentinel, Arwood's record includes 
five jail sentences in Florida since 2000, with offenses 
including armed burglary, possession of more than 20 grams 
of marijuana, and fleeing law enforcement.

______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Lee
Re: Mozbackup

Dear Webby
Wouldn't it be best to install Thunderbird fresh on new 
computer and then use Mozbackup to save info on old computer 
and then transfer that file (large) to new computer. 
I use Mozbackup in case of loss. Carbonite saves the file 
for me.

Thanks 
Lee


Thanks Lee!
That could simplify things for some people!

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Add Ranch Dressing to Mashed Potatoes
As old people are wont to do, DH and I sometimes forget to 
go to the supermarket. Today I wanted mashed potatoes and 
noticed that there was no butter in the fridge. I got out 
my bottle of ranch dressing and smushed the bottle so that 
a good sized blob came out. I then whipped them in the 
usual manner and they were delicious!
By Marty Dick [147]
 



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 

The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of
the town tavern.

"Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven
one day."

"Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done now?"

______________________________________________________

Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the
auctioneer suddenly announced, "A gentleman in this room
has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will
pay a reward of $2,000."

There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of
the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"






 Dianne got her wings December 29




Today in 
1496 References in Leonardo da Vinci notebooks suggested that 
 he tested his flying machine. The test didn't succeed and he 
 didn't try to fly again for several years. 
1521 Pope Leo X excommunicated Martin Luther. 
1777 The Battle of Princeton took place in the War of Independence, 
 in which George Washington defeated the British forces, 
 led by Cornwallis. 
1815 By secret treaty, Austria, Britain, and France formed a 
 defensive alliance against Prusso-Russian plans to solve 
 the Saxon and Polish problems. 
1833 Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands in the 
 South Atlantic. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the 
 islands from the British, but Britain took them back after 
 a 74-day war. 
1868 The Shogunate was abolished in Japan and Meiji dynasty 
 was restored. 
1871 Henry W. Bradley patented oleomargarine. 
1888 The drinking straw was patented by Marvin C. Stone. 
1924 English explorer Howard Carter discovered the sarcophagus 
 of Tutankhamen in the Valley of the Kings, near Luxor, Egypt. 
1925 In Italy, Mussolini announced that he would take 
 dictatorial powers. 
1947 In Trenton, NJ, Al Herrin, passed away at age 92. He 
 had claimed that he had not slept at all during his life. 
1957 The Hamilton Watch Company introduced the first electric watch. 
1959 In the U.S., Alaska became the 49th state. 
1961 The U.S. severed diplomatic relations with Cuba. 
1962 Pope John XXIII excommunicated Cuban prime minister 
 Fidel Castro. 
1967 Jack Ruby died in a Dallas, TX, hospital. 
1980 Conservationist Joy Adamson, author of "Born Free," was 
 killed in northern Kenya by a servant. 
1990 Ousted Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega surrendered to 
 U.S. forces, 10 days after taking refuge in the Vatican's 
 diplomatic mission. 
1993 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Russian President 
 Boris Yeltsin signed the second Strategic Arms Reduction 
 Treaty (START) in Moscow. 
1998 China announced that it would spend $27.7 billion to 
 fight erosion and pollution in the Yangtze and Yellow river 
 valleys. 
1999 Israeli authorities detained, and later expelled, 14 
 members of Concerned Christians. Israili officials claimed 
 that the Denver, CO-based cult was plotting violence in 
 Jerusalem to bring about the Second Coming of Christ. 
2000 Charles M. Schulz's final original daily comic strip 
 appeared in newspapers. 
2001 The ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms) charged 
 the "Texas 7" with weapons violations. An autopsy showed 
 that Aubrey Hawkins, killed by the convicts, had been shot 
 11 times and run over with a vehicle. 
2004 NASA's Spirit rover landed on Mars. The craft was able 
 to send back black and white images three hours after landing.

2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, January 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


The voting at the Ezinefinder doesn't work yet.
It usually takes about a week and a lot of nagging, 
until they restart it in a new year. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Missouri man, who choked his wife with a
roll of wrapping paper in Christmas day attack
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1492 The leader of the last Arab stronghold in Spain 
 surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to 
 King Ferdinand II and Queen Isabella I. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Those whom the Gods would destroy, they first call promising.
--- Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974)

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable
uncertainty.
--- Mark Twain

Every teenager should get a high school education.
Even if they already know everything.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
Is it proper for a man to profit from the mistakes of another?"
a Angus mcKenzie asked his minister.

"Definitely not," was the preacher's answer.

"Are you absolutely certain?"

"Yes, my son, absolutely."

"Okay. In that case, I wonder if you'd mind returning that
$25 I gave you after my wedding last year?"
______________________________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something
   that you've forgotten?

A: What was your question?
______________________________________________________

Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this picture:


Click through for the big picture

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to 


David Hampton,
33,
St. Peters
Missouri

Missouri man choked wife with 
roll of wrapping paper in 
Christmas day attack

David Hampton, a Missouri man, 33, is locked up for domestic 
assault after he allegedly used a cardboard roll of wrapping 
paper to choke his wife during a Christmas Day attack in 
their home.

According to a probable cause statement, Hampton’s wife told 
police that she “blacked out” during the attack. “The victim 
had injuries consistent with being strangled,” a cop reported.

Hampton, pictured in the above mug shot, lives with the 
victim and the couple’s two children in St. Peters, a city 
30 miles from St. Louis.  

Charged with felony domestic assault, Hampton was booked 
into the St. Charles County jail, where he remains locked 
up in lieu of $50,000 cash bail. A judge has ordered Hampton 
to have no contact with his spouse.

Hampton is scheduled for a January 8 Circuit Court hearing.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Noella
Re: Move Thunderbird data to new laptop

Dear Webby
Need to find Thunderbird files, not Outlook Express. 
I've already transferred everything over to Thunderbird.

Now I just need to transfer Thunderbird files to my laptop.

Noella


Dear Noella
You need "Moving Thunderbird Data to a New Computer"
at
https://support.mozilla.org/en-US/kb/moving-thunderbird-data-to-a-new-computer

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Wax or Crayon from Clothes
Heat an iron. Damp a face cloth. Put the face cloth on the 
item of clothing with the crayon or wax to be removed. 
Place the hot iron on the damp face cloth and move around 
for 30 seconds until wax or crayon is removed.
By Ziggyziggy [1]
 



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in
Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is
enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years
ago.

Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach
lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can
be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term
harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of
all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here
tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and
suffering for years after eating it?"

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said,
"Wedding cake"
______________________________________________________


"Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK?
with hymns from a full choir."

"The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success.
Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored
the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her."

"During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of
hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit."

"The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's 'Hamlet' in the
church basement on Friday at 7 p.m.  The congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy."






 Dianne got her wings December 29




Today in 
1492 The leader of the last Arab stronghold in Spain 
 surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to 
 King Ferdinand II and Queen Isabella I. 
1842 In Fairmount, PA, the first wire suspension bridge 
 was opened to traffic. 
1872 Brigham Young, the 71-year-old leader of the Mormon 
 Church, was arrested on a charge of bigamy. He had 25 wives.
1879 Thomas Edison began construction on his first generator. 
1890 Alice Sanger became the first female White House staffer. 
1900 The Chicago Canal opened. 
1917 Royal Bank of Canada took over the Quebec Bank. 
1942 The Philippine capital of Manila was captured by Japanese 
 forces during World War II. 
1955 Panamanian President Jose Antonio Remon was assassinated. 
1968 Fidel Castro announced petroleum and sugar rationing in Cuba. 
1996 AT&T announced that it would eliminate 40,000 jobs over three years. 
1998 Russia began circulating new rubles in effort to keep 
 inflation in check and promote confidence.
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, January 1
Happy New Year!
First day for breaking resolutions.
Isn't that what they are for?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Tattooed Hilbilly in Florida, who admitted that he has
started fires with Molotov cocktails

Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning 
 of the New Year (instead of March 25th).
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!








Wise sayings often fall on barren ground; 
but a kind word is never thrown away. 
--- Sir Arthur Helps

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.
--- Garry Shandling (1949 - )  
______________________________________________________
A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell
of his adventures in the African jungle.
"Can you imagine," he demanded, "people so primitive that
they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices
from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed,
make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with
a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain
other animals?"

When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the
explorer added softly, "What I've been describing, of course,
is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast."
______________________________________________________

My friend, Monica, is an accomplished harpist who frequently
plays for weddings, receptions, parties and other such events.
She is also blonde and has an appropriately cherubic face.

She was on her way to an engagement at a hotel and stepped
into an elevator with her large golden harp. Just before the
doors closed, a distinguished gray-haired man stepped on.

As the elevator rose, he looked thoughtfully first at her and
then her harp and asked, "How far up does this elevator go?"
______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture

Hanging out
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to 


Jeffrey Mark Jalinski, 
30, 
Orange County
Florida

Started Fires With Gas-Filled Bottles

A Florida man with very distinctive facial tattoos allegedly 
told police he had a burning desire to start fires.
Now his heated hobby has landed him in hot water.

Police in Orange County, Florida, arrested Jeffrey Mark 
Jalinski, 30, on Dec. 22, after he admitted to using 
homemade devices to start fires in burn barrels, the 
Orlando Sentinel reports.

Deputies and a SWAT team initially showed up at Jalinski's 
motor home with a search warrant looking for drugs.
Instead, they said, they found three beer bottles believed 
to contain gasoline and rags stuck in the neck of each bottle.

The suspect allegedly told deputies that the bottles were 
his and confirmed they were filled with gas.
He also allegedly confessed to using the bottles to start 
fires, KIRO TV reports.

Jalinski was charged with possession of or discharging a 
destructive device.

He has since bonded out of Orange County Jail, but not before 
posing for this memorable mug shot, according to AR15.com.

------------
I have seen Hillbillies light their burning barrels that way,
if they stunk too much or had too many wasps or horseflies.
Usually though, the bottle did not break and required a shot
from a shotgun to shatter it and light the barrel. 
That is, if they were sober enough to actually get the bottle 
INTO the barrel. 

______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Noella
Re: Move Thunderbird daqta to new laptop

Dear Webby
Need to find Thunderbird files, not Outlook Express. 
I've already transferred everything over to Thunderbird.

Now I just need to transfer Thunderbird files to my laptop.

Noella


Dear Noella
You need "Moving Thunderbird Data to a New Computer"
at
https://support.mozilla.org/en-US/kb/moving-thunderbird-data-to-a-new-computer

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Crust Cover from Metal Pie Plate
With the holidays coming and after wasting countless strips 
of aluminum foil just to cover my pie crusts when baking, 
I tried cutting up an old aluminum pie pan to place over 
my pie crusts while baking. It worked!
Use craft scissors and cut cleanly so you leave no sharp 
edges. I would suggest you wear work gloves and possibly 
use needle nose pliers to bend down and crimp closed the 
cut ends after cutting the circle out of the bottom just 
to guarantee no cuts!
I intend to reuse these again and again.
By Dee [186]
 



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to
discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely
under water.

"That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said
to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?"

"Money back?" roared the boss.  "What kind of salesman are
you?  Get out there and sell him a houseboat."
______________________________________________________
Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress,
he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching
post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him
trained in no time."

I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained"
our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited
him outdoors to teach him a lesson.

The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he
wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.






 All types of peanut butter




Today in 
0404 The last gladiator competition was held in Rome. 
1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning 
 of the New Year (instead of March 25th). 
1772 The first traveler's checks were issued in London. 
1797 Albany became the capital of New York state, 
 replacing New York City. 
1801 The Act of Union of England and Ireland came into force. 
1801 Italian astronomer Giuseppe Piazzi became the first 
 person to discover an asteroid. He named it Ceres. 
1804 Haiti gained its independence. 
1808 The U.S. prohibited import of slaves from Africa. 
1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the Emancipation 
 Proclamation, which declared that all slaves in the 
 rebel states were free. 
1887 Queen Victoria was proclaimed empress of India in Delhi. 
1894 The Manchester Ship Canal was officially opened. 
1898 Manhattan, the Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens and Staten Island 
 were consolidated into New York City. 
1901 The Commonwealth of Australia was founded. Lord Hopetoun 
 officially assumed the duties as the first Governor-General. 
1909 The first payments of old-age pensions were made in Britain. 
 People over 70 received five shillings a week. 
1913 The post office began parcel post deliveries. 
1924 Frank B. Cooney received a patent for ink paste. 
1934 Alcatraz Island officially became a Federal Prison. 
1936 The "New York Herald Tribune" began microfilming its 
 current issues. 
1945 France was admitted to the United Nations. 
1956 Sudan gained its independence. 
1958 The European Economic Community (EEC) started operations. 
1959 Fidel Castro overthrew the government of Fulgencio 
 Batista, and seized power in Cuba. 
1968 Evel Knievel, stunt performing daredevil, lost control 
 of his motorcycle midway through a jump of 141 feet over 
 the ornamental fountains in front of Caesar’s Palace in 
 Las Vegas. 
1971 Tobacco ads representing $20 million dollars in 
 advertising were banned from TV and radio broadcast. 
1973 Britain, Ireland, Denmark and Norway joined the EEC. 
1975 The magazine "Popular Electronics" announced the 
 invention of a person computer called Altair. MITS, 
 using an Intel microprocessor, developed the computer. 
1981 Greece joined the European Community. 
1984 AT&T was broken up into 22 Bell System companies 
 under terms of an antitrust agreement with the U.S. 
 Federal government. 
1986 Spain and Portugal joined the European Community (EC). 
1987 A pro-democracy rally took place in Beijing's Tiananmen Square (China). 
1990 David Dinkins was sworn in as New York City's first black mayor. 
1993 Czechoslovakia split into two separate states, the 
 Czech Republic and Slovakia. The peaceful division had 
 been engineered in 1992. 
1994 The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) went into effect. 
1995 Frederick West, an alleged killer of 12 women and girls, 
 was found hanged in his jail cell in Winston Green prison, 
 in Birmingham. West had been under almost continuous watch 
 since his arrest in 1994, but security had reportedly been 
 relaxed in the months preceding the apparent suicide. 
1995 The World Trade Organization came into existence. The 
 group of 125 nations monitors global trade. 
1998 A new anti-smoking law went into effect in California. 
 The law prohibiting people from lighting up in bars. 
1999 The euro became currency for 11 Member States of the 
 European Union. Coins and notes were not available until 
 January 1, 2002. 
1999 In California, a law went into effect that defined 
 "invasion of privacy as trespassing with the intent to 
 capture audio or video images of a celebrity or crime 
 victim engaging in a personal of family activity." 
2001 The "Texas 7," rented space in an RV park in Woodland Park, CO.
2015  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, December 31

Last day to vote for the Humor Letter in 2014:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!




Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Connecticut drunk, who fought everyone, and lost.

Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of 
 incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!








When you're through changing, you're through.
--- Bruce Barton   

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.
--- Garry Shandling (1949 - )  
______________________________________________________
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.  The
old man cleared his throat, fingered his worsted wool vest and
said, "Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.
I was down to my last nickel.  I invested that nickel in an apple.
I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the
day, I sold the apple for ten cents.  The next morning, I invested
those ten cents in two apples.  I spent the entire day polishing
them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents.  I continued this
system for a month, by the end of which I had accumulated a
fortune of $1.37.

Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
______________________________________________________
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and started
thinking about things.  "Mommy, why does daddy have so few
hairs on his head?" he asked his mother.

"He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for
coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness.

Johnny thought for a second and replied,
"I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look weird
if you were bald!"
______________________________________________________

Thanks to Walter, The Stonecarver for this picture.


Click through for the big picture
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!



An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to 


Edward Miller,
21,
Hartford, 
Connecticut

a guy who ‘fought everyone’ and lost

Edward Miller of Hartford, Connecticut went full-blown 
Screech in the metropolis of nearby West Hartford over 
the weekend–and the glorious result is a late contender 
for Mugshot of the Year. It seems that the 21-year-old 
set out to pretty much fight everybody at a local 
restaurant. That included the police who were called 
in to the incident.

Alcohol might have been involved. The cops sure got 
involved. Miller kept brawling even after getting 
pepper-sprayed. After he was suitably tenderized and 
stuffed into the police car, Miller kicked out the back 
window of the police car.

Charges include interfering with a police officer, 
first degree criminal mischief, and breach of peace.

______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Brook
Re: RCA Cables

Dear Webby
It seems like I can never get the RCA cables to work. I 
have an older Wii and an older DVD player that I would 
like to connect (to different TVs). The cables are red, 
white and yellow, yet the TVs never seem to have a yellow 
connector. I checked on wiki and it says that 
"...beyond 7.1 audio, there are no color standards." 
Please hellp.

Thanks
Brook


Dear Brook
I think the RCA standard is history. 
You would need an old  style TV  for that.
Wii might have some converters, but I would not count 
on that. They would rather sell you a new one, that 
works with today's TVs.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal
Oatmeal is so filling, quick, and cheap! But oatmeal can 
get so boring. I like to "spice" it up every now and then 
to make it enjoyable again.:) One of the things I like 
about this recipe is that you can use your less than 
perfect apples that are starting to get a bit soft. This 
is quite tasty on a cold winter morning. And still very 
healthy! :)
Approximate Time: About 10-15 minutes
Yield: About 6 servings
Ingredients:
6 cups water
3 1/2 cup oatmeal
3 large apples, any kind will do. I used Granny Smith.
1/3 - 1/2 cup brown sugar
1 - 2 tsp cinnamon
butter or margarine
Steps:
Peel and cube 3 large apples, any kind. I used Granny Smith, 
but any will be great. Try and use up the ones that are 
going soft. They will still be tasty!
Put 6 cups of water into a pot. Add apples, 
1/3 - 1/2 cup brown sugar (depending on how sweet you like it). 
Add 1 - 2 teaspoons cinnamon (depending on how "cinnamony" 
you like it.:) Cook on high until you have a rolling boil.
Apple Cinnamon Oatmeal
Add 3 1/2 cups oatmeal, quick or regular, either one, stir 
constantly for about 5 minutes.
Top with a lovely pat of butter or margarine and enjoy! :)
You could easily halve this recipe if you don't want such a 
large pot. I just have a lot of people to feed!
Source: Modified from "Blissful and Domestic" blog
By melissa [55]
 



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting at
his desk, looking very depressed.

"Hey, what's up with you?", he asks.

"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly.  "She's hired a new
secretary for me."

"Well, nothing wrong in that.  Is she blonde, redhead or
brunette?"

"Neither, her grandfather is bald."
______________________________________________________
Bumper Stickers from 20 years ago:

If that phone was up your butt,
maybe you could drive better!

Don't be sexist, broads hate that.

Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it!

Constipated people don't give a crap.

Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.

If you can read this... I lost my trailer.

Your just jealous cause the voices
are only talking to me.

I have the body of a God.... Buddha.

So many pedestrians...so little time.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway!

Illiterate...Write for help.

Cover me... I'm changing lanes.

Boldly going nowhere.

Body by Nautilus, brain by Mattel.

Honk if anything falls off.

If we quit voting, will they all go away ?

Heart attacks...
God's revenge for dieting.






 All types of peanut butter




Today in 
1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape 
 of Good Hope, where they would later create the South African 
 wine industry with the vines they took with them on the voyage. 
1695 The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted in 
 many windows being bricked up. 
1775 The British repulsed an attack by Continental Army 
 generals Richard Montgomery and Benedict Arnold at Quebec. 
 Montgomery was killed in the battle. 
1857 Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the 
 capital of Canada. 
1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of 
 incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ. 
1891 New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis 
 Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive 
 numbers of arrivals. 
1897 Brooklyn, NY, spent its last day as a separate entity 
 before becoming part of New York City. 
1923 In London, the BBC first broadcast the chimes of Big Ben. 
1929 Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played 
 "Auld Lang Syne" as a New Year's Eve song for the first time. 
1946 U.S. President Truman officially proclaimed the end of 
 hostilities in World War II. 
1955 General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to earn 
 more than one billion dollars in a single year. 
1960 The farthing coin, which had been in use in Great Britain 
 since the 13th century, ceased to be legal tender. 
1961 In the U.S., the Marshall Plan expired after distributing 
 more than $12 billion in foreign aid. 
1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold 
 for the first time in more than 40 years. 
1978 Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final 
 time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The event 
 marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S. 
1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the 
 start of 1979. 
1986 A fire at the Dupont Plaza Hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico, 
 killed 97 and injured 140 people. Three hotel workers later 
 pled guilty to charges in connection with the fire. 
1997 Michael Kennedy, 39-year-old son of the late U.S. Sen. 
 Robert F. Kennedy, was killed in a skiing accident on 
 Aspen Mountain in Colorado. 
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime Minister 
 Vladimir Putin was designated acting president. 
1999 Five hijackers left the airport where they had been 
 holding 150 hostages on an Indian Airlines plane. They 
 left with two Islamic clerics that they had demanded be 
 freed from an Indian prison. The plane had been hijacked 
 during a flight from Katmandu, Nepal to New Dehli on December 24. 
1999 Sarah Knauss died at the age of 119 years. She was the 
 world's oldest person. She was born September 24, 1880.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, December 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Tennessee woman, who dressed up in armor
and went on a shooting spree.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1953 The first color TV sets went on sale for about $1,175. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!








Like its politicians and its wars, 
society has the teenagers it deserves.
--- J. B. Priestley (1894 - 1984) 
______________________________________________________
REPORTED TO BE REAL-LIFE ADS

~ 2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, perfect markings,
555-1234. Leave mess.

~ Lost small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered.
Like one of the family.

~ A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly
served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

~ Dinner Special: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25;
Children $2.00.

~ For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs
and large drawers.

~ Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get
an extra pair to take home, too.

~ We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it
carefully by hand.

~ For Sale: Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and
an Alaskan Hussy.

~ Great Dames for sale.

~ Have several very old dresses from grandmother in
beautiful condition.

~ Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

~ Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

~ If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the
Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as
Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

~ MT. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the
Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink
it all in.

~ Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

~ Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so
serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
______________________________________________________

>From Sandie
My wife and I spent a vacation on Washington's Olympic 
Peninsula. We were eager to visit the rain forests near 
the coast, but we heard that snow slides had made some of 
the roads impassable. Although apprehensive about the 
conditions we might run into, we drove on.

Sure enough, we had only gone a short way up the High Rain 
Forest road when we saw a sign that read, "Ice: 10 Miles." 

Five miles farther on, there was another sign that said, "Ice: 
5 Miles." The next one read, "Ice: 1/2 Mile."

We practically crept that half-mile. We finally came to the 
last sign. It was outside a small grocery store and it said, 
"Ice: $1.98."

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to


Julia Shields
45,
Chattanooga,
Tennessee

Woman in body armor drove 
around Chattanooga shooting at people

A woman dressed in body armor fired shots at multiple people 
yesterday afternoon, resulting in a police chase on 
Hixson Pike, which ended in the woman's arrest.

Chattanooga Police officers first responded to a report of 
shots fired on 1300 Cloverdale around 3:52 p.m., according 
to a news release from the Chattanooga Police Department.

Once the officers arrived on scene, they found two victims 
who said they were at a stop sign when the suspect, Julia 
Shields, pulled up in a dark colored sedan and fired shots 
into their vehicle, the release said.

A short time after this incident, police received several 
additional calls reporting that Shields was pointing her 
firearm at people as she drove pass them.

It was reported that she shot at another vehicle in the 
same area around 1300 Cloverdale Drive, and officers 
eventually located her sitting in her vehicle in the 
Stuart Heights Baptist Church Parking lot on Hixson 
Pike, the release states.

Shields escaped the parking lot in her car and led 
officers on a chase down Highway 153 and Hixson Pike, 
and continued to point her firearm at vehicles as she 
passed them.

The chase ended at the intersection of Cloverdale Drive 
and Koblan Drive, as Shields pointed her firearm at an 
officer, before being taken into custody without 
incident or injury.

Shields has been charged with 3 counts of attempted first 
degree murder, seven counts of aggravated assault, 
possession of a firearm during the commission of a felony, 
felony evading arrest, and felony reckless endangerment, 
the release says.
______________________________________________________
Tech Support Pits
From: Daniel
Re: Red X

Dear Webby
How do you get of the red x in a place where a picture 
should be?
daniel
[Free Avast Ad]


Dear Daniel
Tell the writer of that site, that he or she forgot to 
upload that picture.
That can happen. Happens to me too about once a year.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Hot Chocolate Bar for Parties
At your next holiday, why not warm up your guests by having 
a hot chocolate bar. It was a big hit at our son's birthday 
party, especially for the kids! We had both a large 
crockpot with a ladle and an electric kettle for 
hot water.
Supplies:
hot chocolate mix
whipped cream
candy canes (crushed or whole)
mini marshmallows
sprinkles
cups with lids and sleeves
stir sticks
By lalala... [540]
 



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 

Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast.  Suddenly 
she looked up suspiciously at her husband.

"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother 
saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, 
as we do not appear to want her.  
What does she mean by that?  I told you to write and say 
that she was to come at her own convenience.  
You did write, didn't you?"

"Er, yes, I did," said the husband.  "But I couldn't spell 
conveeniance, so I made it risk."
______________________________________________________
By the time Ted arrived at the hockey game, the first
quarter was almost over. "Why are you so late?" his
friend asked.

"I had to toss a coin to decide between going to
church and coming to the game."

"How long could that have taken you?"

"Well, I had to toss it 114 times."






 All types of peanut butter




Today in 
1460 At the Battle of Wakefield, in England's Wars of the 
 Roses, the Duke of York was defeated and killed by the 
 Lancastrians. 
1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles 
 of land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase. 
1880 The Transvaal was declared a republic. Paul Kruger 
 became its first president. 
1887 A petition to Queen Victoria with over one million 
 names of women appealing for public houses to be closed 
 on Sundays was handed to the home secretary. 
1903 About 600 people died when fire broke out at the 
 Iroquois Theater in Chicago, IL. 
1919 Lincoln's Inn, in London, admitted the first 
 female bar student. 
1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was formed. 
1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other 
 galactic systems. 
1927 The first subway in the Orient was dedicated in Tokyo, Japan. 
1935 Italian bombers destroyed a Sweedish Red Cross unit in 
 Ethiopia. 
1936 The United Auto Workers union staged its first sit-down 
 strike, at the Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI. 
1940 California's first freeway was officially opened. It 
 was the Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles and 
 Pasadena. 
1944 King George II of Greece proclaimed a regency to rule 
 his country, virtually renouncing the throne. 
1947 King Michael of Romania abdicated in favor of a 
 Communist Republic. He claimed he was forced from his 
 throne. 
1953 The first color TV sets went on sale for about $1,175. 
1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of 
 North Vietnam. 
1993 Israel and the Vatican established diplomatic relations. 
1996 A passenger train was bombed by Bodo separatists in 
 India's eastern state of Assam. At least 26 people were 
 killed and dozens were seriously injured. 
1996 About 250,000 striking workers shut down vital services 
 across Israel in protests against budget cuts proposed by 
 Prime Minister Netanyahu. 
1997 More than 400 people were massacred in four villages 
 in the single worst incident during Algeria's insurgency.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, December 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Nebraska woman, who rammed a couple,
who parked where she wanted to park
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1890 The U.S. Seventh Cavalry massacred over 400 men, women 
 and children at Wounded Knee Creek, SD. This was the last 
 major conflict between Indians and U.S. troops. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









To have doubted one's own first principles 
is the mark of a civilized man.
--- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. (1841 - 1935) 

The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.
--- William James 
______________________________________________________
A minister, having served the same church for many years,
decided to leave and take a similar position in another
church. Without telling anyone or writing a letter to the 
congregationhe had made this decision. He waited until Sunday
morning to announce his resignation in church. When he
spoke to the congregation he said, "The same Jesus that
called me to this church many years ago has now called upon
me to leave and serve another church."

The choir all stood and sang,
"What a Friend We Have in Jesus."
______________________________________________________

>From Andy
My daughter's fifth grade class had been studying astronomy.
One morning over breakfast she announced, "On Friday we're having a
quiz on the moon."

At once her little brother's eyes got big and he asked, "Are you
gonna let her go, Mom?"
______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to


Kimberley Pankratius
36
Lincoln, 
Nebraska

Nebraska woman rams couple,
who parked where she wanted to park

Last Saturday, a couple named Julie and Christopher Weakly 
went to their local Walmart in Lincoln, Nebraska.
While parking, they allegedly took a space that 36-year-old 
Kimberley Pankratius (pictured above) had been waiting for. 
The couple say they were unaware that Kimberley had had her 
eye on the spot.

According to a police report, Kimberley wound down her window 
and yelled at the couple, calling them "douchebags."

Julie says that she and her husband ignored Kimberley and 
walked toward the store. As they were walking, police say, 
Kimberley drove her PT Cruiser directly at the couple, 
hitting Julie with the wing mirror hard enough to break 
it from the car. 

Kimberley fled the scene, but was tracked down later by 
police. She was arrested and charged with assault and use 
of a deadly weapon to commit a felony. 

Kimberley told police that she "felt really bad" about the 
whole thing, and claimed she'd been trying to scare the 
couple, rather than actually hit them with her car.

The police report does not specify why she appears to be 
wearing one of those capes, that they give you when you 
get your hair cut, for her mugshot.


Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: Monitor Internet usage

Dear Webby
Good morning!
I am looking for your expertise on a problem I have.  
The Grandson is at our house a lot with his X-Box and using 
a lot of our internet capacity.  I hear rumors of a download 
that enables me to monitor internet usage to determine where 
it is going.  Our internet supplier only indicates total usage 
for the day.  I am looking for something a little more specific.  
Do you have any recommendations. This is getting to be a real 
problem.  Thanks a lot for your help and have a Great New Year!!
Jim


Dear Jim
There are no free programs, that I know of, that will tell 
you where connections have gone to. 
The best you can do for free are these 5:
http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/monitor-internet-usage/

They will tell you what times of day how much data has 
been used.

Since you can already monitor usage per day, it is easy 
enough to compare days, when he is not visiting to days 
when he is, and bill him accordingly. 
Once you start billing him, he will find somebody else 
to mooch of. 

He probably does know some people, who have unlimited
bandwidth. He can go visit them with his X-box, or
at least spread his mooching around.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Saving Leftover Egg Yolks or Whites
With all the holiday cooking, there is bound to be some that 
use only half the egg. I have one now that used only 6 whites. 
Rather then wasting them or scrambling to make some other 
recipe, you may save either your white or yolks separately 
in individual ice cube trays.
Whites are fine as is but you need to add a little sugar OR 
salt to your yolks before freezing. I use salt since it's 
used in so many recipes. Then just pop them out and let 
them defrost when you need them! They keep for at least 
three months.
Happy Baking!
By Dee [186]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

The Judge admonished the witness, "Do you understand
that you have sworn to tell the truth?"

"I do."

"Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?"

"Sure," said the witness. "My side will win."

"OK, then, if your side wins, you are guilty of perjury and will
get ten years."
______________________________________________________

Bob's wife uses curlers in her hair after she washes it. She
came into the Family Room as he was watching TV. He
stared at her funny because she said, "I just set my hair."

The last thing he remembers saying was,
"Oh, really? And what time does it go off?"






 All types of peanut butter




Today in 
1170 - St. Thomas à Becket, the 40th archbishop of Canterbury, 
 was murdered in his own cathedral by four knights acting on 
 Henry II's orders. 
1812 The USS Constitution won a battle with the British ship 
 HMS Java about 30 miles off the coast of Brazil. Before 
 Commodore William Bainbridge ordered the sinking of the Java 
 he had her wheel removed to replace the one the Constitution 
 had lost during the battle. 
1813 The British burned Buffalo, NY, during the War of 1812. 
1837 Canadian militiamen destroyed the Caroline, a U.S. 
 steamboat docked at Buffalo, NY. 
1848 U.S. President James Polk turned on the first gas light 
 at the White House. 
1860 The HMS Warrior, Britain's first seagoing iron-hulled 
 warship, was launched. 
1890 The U.S. Seventh Cavalry massacred over 400 men, women 
 and children at Wounded Knee Creek, SD. This was the last 
 major conflict between Indians and U.S. troops. 
1895 The Jameson Raid from Mafikeng into Transvaal, which 
 attempted to overthrow Kruger's Boer government, started. 
1911 Sun Yat-sen became the first president of a republican 
 China. 
1934 Japan renounced the Washington Naval Treaty of 1922 
 and the London Naval Treaty of 1930. 
1940 During World War II, Germany began dropping incendiary 
 bombs on London. 
1952 The first transistorized hearing aid was offered for 
 sale by Sonotone Corporation. 
1975 A bomb exploded in the main terminal of New York's 
 LaGuardia Airport. 11 people were killed. 
1986 The Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables, FL, reopened for business 
 after eighteen years and $47 million expended on restoration. 
1989 Following Hong Kong's decision to forcibly repatriate some 
 Vietnamese refugees, thousands of Vietnamese 'boat people' 
 battled with riot police. 
1996 The Guatemalan government and leaders of the leftist 
 Guatemalan National Revolutionary Union signed a peace accord 
 in Guatemala City, ending a civil war that had lasted 36 years. 
1997 Hong Kong began killing 1.25 million chickens, the entire 
 population, for fear of the spread of 'bird flu'. 
1998 Khmer Rouge leaders apologized for the 1970s genocide in 
 Cambodia that claimed 1 million lives. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, December 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida driver trying to impersonate a cop
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an 
 acceptable chewing gum. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









The United States Congress, like a lot of rich people, 
lives in two houses.
--- John Green

______________________________________________________

It was their fifth anniversary, and Sandra and Michael had
just returned  from the movies. Sandra was feeling
romantic.

"Will you love me when my hair has turned to  silver?" she
crooned.

"Why not?" Michael grunted. "Didn't I love you through
hundred and fourteen other shades?"
______________________________________________________

Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They
had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it
was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the
time.

The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy
determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the
creek.

One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the
little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into
the creek. So he got a large pole and started pushing.
Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away.

That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed
after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy
asked why.

Dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek
today. It was you, wasn't it son?"

The boy answered "Yes father".
Then he thought a moment and said,
"Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped
down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he
told the truth."

The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father
wasn't in the cherry tree."
______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to


James Buck,
23
Spring Hill, 
Florida


Florida driver impersonating 
officer had 'Let's Be Cops' DVD

Deputies arrested a driver and charged him with impersonating 
an officer after he allegedly tried pulling over a motorist 
that almost collided with his car on Christmas night.

Hernando County sheriff's deputies got a call from someone 
saying that a reckless driver in an SUV nearly hit him in 
Spring Hill, Florida. After the near crash, the caller said 
the SUV driver chased him with flashing lights at a high 
speed and was trying to get him to pull over, according 
to WTSP.

Deputies eventually caught up with James Buck and they 
discovered several items of law-enforcement paraphernalia.

Affixed to the 23-year-old's SUV was a sticker saying 
"Department of Defense registered vehicle," a police 
interceptor emblem often seen on official patrol cars and 
accessories like L.E.D. lights and a siren or public 
address speaker.

A shield-style badge was hanging from his rearview mirror 
and another was in Buck's wallet, deputies said.

Buck allegedly told deputies that he added the police lights 
and other faux law-enforcement gear to his truck so "no one 
would mess with him," according to WESH.

It's possible that Buck has criminally bad taste in movies too.
Deputies said they found a "Let's Be Cops" DVD inside his truck. 
The 2014 buddy-cop flick stars Damon Wayans, Jr. and Jake Johnon 
as two wannabe Los Angeles policemen. It was poorly received 
by critics.

Buck was charged with one count of fraud of impersonating a 
law enforcement officer and remained in jail on Friday afternoon, 
according to Hernando County sheriff's office records.

Tech Support Pits
From: Susan
Re: Decrapifier

Dear Webby
Hello again, I was reading in a computer magizine's list 
of '20 downloads you can't do without'...CCleaner is the 
first on the list.  (I got that years ago after you 
recommended it)
The next on the list is called PC De-Crapyfier (also free).  I am
curious but would appreciate your oppinion on this download.

Where do I get it without a bunch of bad stuff added?
Thank you.
Susan


Dear Susan
Most new machines come with all kinds of crap pre-loaded.
In addition to that, as you seem to have noticed, many 
programs come with undesired extras thrown in as payload. 
Decrapifier gets rid of all that crap. 

You can get it without ANY payload right from the people
who created it at
http://www.pcdecrapifier.com/download

You will be surprised at all the crap it finds on your 
computer. It is quite civilized. First it makes a restore 
point, then it shows you lists of stuff. If you have never
used it, or not used it for years, put a checkmark on it
for removal.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Saving Leftover Egg Yolks or Whites
With all the holiday cooking, there is bound to be some that 
use only half the egg. I have one now that used only 6 whites. 
Rather then wasting them or scrambling to make some other 
recipe, you may save either your white or yolks separately 
in individual ice cube trays.
Whites are fine as is but you need to add a little sugar OR 
salt to your yolks before freezing. I use salt since it's 
used in so many recipes. Then just pop them out and let 
them defrost when you need them! They keep for at least 
three months.
Happy Baking!
By Dee [186]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Arvid for this report:
I decided to stop worrying about my wife's driving
and take advantage of it. I got one of those bumper
stickers that say, "How's my driving?" and put a
900 number on it.

At 50 cents a call,
I've been making about $38 a week.

______________________________________________________

"So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice
relaxing fishing trip with your husband."

"Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I
would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait;
and then that I was reeling in too soon.

"All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters
worse, I ended up catching twelve fish and he caught none!"






 Food Safety




Today in 
1065 Westminster Abbey was consecrated under Edward the Confessor. 
1694 Queen Mary II of England died after five years of joint rule 
 with her husband, King William III. 
1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain. 
1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an 
 acceptable chewing gum. 
1877 John Stevens applied for a patent for his flour-rolling mill, 
 which boosted production by 70%. 
1879 In Dundee, Scotland the central portion of the Tay Bridge 
 collapsed as a train was passing over it. 75 people were killed. 
1908 An earthquake killed over 75,000 at Messina in Sicily. 
1912 The first municipally-owned street cars were used on the 
 streets of San Francisco, CA. 
1917 The New York Evening Mail published a facetious essay by 
 H.L. Mencken on the history of bathtubs in America. 
1937 The Irish Free State became the Republic of Ireland when a new 
 constitution established the country as a sovereign state under 
 the name of Eire. 
1945 The U.S. Congress officially recognized the "Pledge of Allegiance." 
1964 Initial filming of the movie "Dr. Zhivago" began on location near 
 Madrid, Spain. The movies total running time is 197 minutes. 
1973 Alexander Solzhenitsyn published "Gulag Archipelago," an expose 
 of the Soviet prison system. 
1981 Elizabeth Jordan Carr, the first American test-tube baby, was 
 born in Norfolk, VA. 
1982 Nevell Johnson Jr. was mortally wounded by a police officer 
 in a Miami video arcade. The event set off three days of race 
 related disturbances that left another man dead. 
1989 Alexander Dubcek, who had been expelled from the Communist 
 Party in 1970, was elected speaker of the Czech parliament. 
1991 Nine people died in a rush to get into a basketball game 
 at City College in New York. 
1995 Pressure from German prosecutors investigating pornography 
 forced CompuServe to set a precedent by blocking access to 
 sex-oriented newsgroups on the Internet for its customers. 
2000 U.S. District Court Judge Matsch held a hearing to ensure 
 that confessed Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh understood 
 that he was dropping his appeals. McVeigh said that he wanted 
 an execution date set but wanted to reserve the right to seek 
 presidential clemency. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, December 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an

Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1978 Spain adopted a new constitution and became a democracy 
 after 40 years of dictatorship. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









When a man says he approves of something in principle, 
it means he hasn't the slightest intention of putting it 
into practice.
--- Otto von Bismarck (1815 - 1898)

______________________________________________________

>From N.W.
I was taking a shower when
my 2 year old son came into the bathroom and wrapped
himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he
looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few
shots.They came out so well that I had copies made and
included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days
later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look.
Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to
discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my
reflection in the mirror wearing nothing but a camera!
- Name Withheld

______________________________________________________

My sister and I were at
the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of
nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I
replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." 

My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, 
and I turned beet red and walked away. 
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture

Beehive ginger (Zingiber spectabile)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to


Jared Kreft,
30,
Wausau, 
Wisconsin


Wisconsin perv arrested 
for performing oral sex on horse

A man in Wausau, Wisconsin, is facing bestiality charges 
after admitting he performed oral sex on a horse.

Jared Kreft, 30, was arrested last Wednesday after deputies 
in Marathon County responded to a call about strange goings-on 
in a Wausau barn, according to TheNorthwestern.com.

When they arrived, they saw Kreft near a horse wearing a 
face mask, black jacket and blue wind pants with holes cut 
in the areas of the crotch and butt.

The suspect also had a marijuana pipe and a jar of petroleum 
jelly in his possession, according to court documents.

Police said Kreft allegedly admitted that he had been 
performing oral sex on the horse in the barn, which came 
about after viewing "horse pornography," according to 
the Metro.

Deputies searched Kreft's apartment in the city of Wausau, 
and allegedly found a small amount of marijuana, the Wausau 
Daily Herald reports.

Kreft was charged with sexual gratification with an animal 
sex organ, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of 
marijuana as a repeat offender and bail jumping, according 
to court records.

He remains in Marathon County Jail, unable to post a 
$2,000 bond, WSAU.com reports.

He is due in court Tuesday afternoon.

Tech Support Pits
From: Mathilda
Re: Chrome tabs slowing everything down

Dear Webby
Lately my Windows has been getting really slow and sluggish,
especially when I got a bunch of tabs open in Chrome. Yeah,
I am a Taurus and a packrat, and usually have a bunch of tabs
open, to get back to them later. 
Is there a way to deal with that, without manualy putting 
each URL into a spreadsheet?
Thanks
Mathilda


Dear Mathilda
You are not the only Taurus out there, and there is indeed 
a program made just for us. It is called OneTab.
It puts a little blue funnel icon to the right of the 
address bar. You hit that, and all the open tabs vanish.
Instead you have one tab called OneTab.
Hit that, and there are all your previously open tabs,
clickable to open when needed.

You get it free at One Tab

When you hit the funnel tab you see all your tabs, clickable.
You can sort them by dragging a tab up or down.
You can even upload the tabs by clicking "Share as a Web Page",
and then send the secret URL of the generated page to friends 
or to your home machine.
Plus a few more nifty tricks at the far right top, 
like Export and Import.
OneTab even lists the tabs from separate windows nicely 
separated.

I can highly recommend it!

OneTab is also available for FireFox, not just Chrome,
and they have a version for Mac too. 
Check http://www.one-tab.com/

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keeping Dog Hair Out of the Drain
Bathe you dog in the tub? Catch his hair before it clogs the 
drain. Save the netted bags that potatoes and onions come in. 
Scrunch one up tightly and stick it down into the drain 
before letting the water out. All of the dog hair will 
collect around the top of it. Then, just toss it in the 
trash.
By jean99 [6]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

Judi was almost crazy with her three kids.  She complained
to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such  pests, they
give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch."

"What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from
yourself," her friend said.

So Judi bought a playpen.  A few days later, her friend called
to ask how things were going.

"Superb!  I can't believe it," Judi said. "I get into that pen and I
can answer all of my email before the first one climbs over it!"

______________________________________________________

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up
Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours,
they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby
farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if
they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out
there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently
widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if
I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn.
And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn
and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their
way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an
attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally
determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow
he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you
remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed
at on our ski holiday up North, 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do."

"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to
the house and pay her a visit?"

"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out.
"I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her
your name, and give her my business card?"

Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy.
I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

______________________________________________________

Four strangers traveled together in the same compartment of a
European train. Two men and two women faced each other.

One woman was a very wealthy and sophisticated 75-year-old lady
who was decked out in the finest of furs and jewelry. Next to her
sat a beautiful young woman, nineteen years old, who looked like
something right off the cover of a fashion magazine. Across from
the older lady was a man in his late-forties who was a highly
decorated Sergeant Major in the Army. And next to the Sergeant
Major sat a young private fresh out of boot camp.

As these four strangers traveled, they talked and chatted about
trivial things until they entered an unlighted tunnel, and there
they sat in complete darkness and total silence, until the sound
of a distinct kiss broke the silence; following the kiss a loud
slap could be heard throughout the cabin.

In the ensuing period of silence the four strangers sat quietly
with their own thoughts.

The older lady was thinking, "Isn't it wonderful that even in
this permissive day and age there are still young women who have
a little self-respect and dignity?"

The young woman, shaking her head and greatly puzzled, asked
herself, "Why in the world would any man in his right mind want
to kiss an old fossil like that when I'm sitting here?"

The Sergeant Major, rubbing his sore face, was outraged that any
woman could ever think that a man in his position would try to
sneak a kiss in the dark.

And the private, grinning from ear to ear, was thinking, "What a
crazy and mixed up world this is when a private can kiss the back
of his hand and then smack a Sergeant Major in the face and get
away with it!"






 Food Safety




Today in 
1703 The Methuen Treaty was signed between Portugal and England, 
 giving preference to the import of Portuguese wines into England. 
1831 Charles Darwin set out on a voyage to the Pacific aboard 
 the HMS Beagle. Darwin's discoveries during the voyage helped 
 him form the basis of his theories on evolution. 
1845 Dr. Crawford Williamson Long used anesthesia for childbirth 
 for the first time. The event was the delivery of his own child 
 in Jefferson, GA. 
1900 Carrie Nation staged her first raid on a saloon at the 
 Carey Hotel in Wichita, KS. She broke each and every one of 
 the liquor bottles that could be seen. 
1927 Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party. 
1949 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands granted sovereignty to 
 Indonesia after more than 300 years of Dutch rule. 
1951 In Cincinnati, OH, a Crosley automobile, with a 
 steering wheel on the right side, became the first vehicle 
 of its kind to be placed in service for mail delivery. 
1965 The BP oil rig Sea Gem capsized in the North Sea, with 
 the loss of 13 lives. 
1978 Spain adopted a new constitution and became a democracy 
 after 40 years of dictatorship. 
1979 Soviet forces seized control of Afghanistan. Babrak Karmal 
 succeeded President Hafizullah Amin, who was overthrown 
 and executed. 
1985 Palestinian guerrillas opened fire inside the Rome and 
 Vienna airports. A total of twenty people were killed, 
 including five of the attackers, who were slain by police 
 and security personnel. 
1985 Dian Fossey, an American naturalist, was found murdered 
 at a research station in Rawanda. 
1992 The U.S. shot down an Iraqi fighter jet during what the 
 Pentagon described as a confrontation between a pair of Iraqi 
 warplanes and U.S. F-16 jets in U.N.-restricted airspace 
 over southern Iraq. 
1996 Muslim fundamentalist Taliban forces retook the strategic 
 air base of Bagram, solidifying their buffer zone around 
 Kabul, the Afghanistan capital. 
1997 In Northern Ireland, Billy Wright was assassinated. He was 
 imprisoned as a Protestant paramilitary leader. 
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush granted China permanent 
 normal trade status with the United States. 
2002 North Korea ordered U.N. nuclear inspectors to leave the 
 country and said that it would restart a laboratory capable 
 of producing plutonium for nuclear weapons. 
2002 In Chechnya, at least 40 people were killed when suicide 
 bombers attacked the administartion of Grozny.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, December 26
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Idaho batman with warrants 
drawing the attention of the cops
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason. 
1898 Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









The reverse side also has a reverse side.
--- Japanese Proverb  

The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards.
--- Arthur Koestler (1905 - 1983)
______________________________________________________

Thanks to Ann for this story:
I wanted a haircut and phoned a salon early for an appoint-
ment but was told customers were taken on a walk-in basis
only. On Saturday I got there by 9 a.m. and there were
already ten people waiting. I drove to another salon, but
it was booked solid. Still another had no openings.

The situation seemed hopeless, so I went home. My husband
greeted me at the door. "That was fast," he said cheerfully.
"Your hair looks great!"

______________________________________________________

The heaviest element known to science is Managerium.

This element has no protons or electrons, but has a nucleus
made up of 1 neutron, 2 vice-neutrons, 5 junior vice-neutrons,
25 assistant vice-neutrons, and 125 junior assistant vice-
neutrons all going round in circles.

Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it
does not decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to
reorganization.

Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of
tiny particles known as morons.

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to



Andrew Michael Christenson,
24,
Pocatello, 
Idaho


Cops arrest batman on 
outstanding warrant

Late Saturday evening, cops in Pocatello, Idaho received a 
call that suspicious subjects “dressed as Batman and 
Superman were attempting entry into a residence.”

When cops later approached the pair, they claimed to be 
looking for a party, according to police.

Upon further questioning, officers determined that Batman--
Andrew Michael Christenson--had an active arrest warrant. 
“The Dark Knight was taken into custody and incarcerated,” 
cops reported.

Seen above, the 24-year-old Christenson was arrested and 
booked into the Bannock County jail, where he was 
photographed sans mask.

No charges were filed against Superman.

Tech Support Pits
From: Nina
Re: Play DVD on W8.1

Dear Webby
My not very bright husband traded in my W7 computer for a 
new one with W8.1. Yuck!
Worst of all, it does not play music and games off DVDs!
He is not going to hear the end of that anytime soon!

Is there a way around that?
Nina


Dear Nina 
Yes, there is. You are not the only one upset about that,
but there is a very popular program called VLC, that takes
care of that. It does a much better job of it than MediaPlayer 
did even in W7. 
The only downside is the myriad of options in it. Do you want
Surround Sound for 7 speakers or for 5, or just two? 
And so on. It is usable with the default settings, but you 
can tweak it to perfection if you read the instructions.

You can download it free from VideoLan #download

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Hot Dog Bun Garlic Toast
One night I realized I had forgotten to buy garlic 
bread for our dinner. Too late for a trip to the store. 
I realized I had some extra hot dog buns though, and decided 
I could improvise. The improvising turned out well and I 
haven't bought pre-made garlic bread since. Not only are 
they tasty, but this costs way less since hot dog buns 
are so cheap. Enjoy! :)
Approximate Time: Around 14 minutes
Yield: As many as you like
Ingredients:
hot dog buns
butter or margarine
salt
powdered Parmesan cheese
Italian seasoning
garlic powder
Steps:
Split as many hot dog buns in half as you like.
split in half
Spread a generous amount of butter or margarine on each.
spread with butter or margarine
Sprinkle generous amounts of salt, Parmesan cheese, 
Italian seasoning, and garlic powder on each buttered 
half.
butter and seasonings addd
Bake in a 450 degree F oven for about 13 minutes or 
until golden brown. Enjoy!
finished
Source: Self
By melissa [53]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Because he's a longtime Harley rider, my grandfather looks
at everything from a biker's perspective. I once gave him a
haircut and got carried away. He looked at the pile of gray
hair on the floor, smiled and said, "You cut off half the chrome!"

______________________________________________________

My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her
mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to
access the popular "Ask Jeeves" site, and we told her it
could answer any question she had.

Nancy's mother was very skeptical, but finally typed in a
question: "How is aunt Nellie doing?






 Food Safety




Today in 
1620 The Pilgrim Fathers landed at New Plymouth, MA, to 
 found Plymouth Colony, with John Carver as Governor. 
1776 The British suffered a major defeat in the Battle of 
 Trenton during the American Revolutionary War. 
1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason. 
1898 Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium. 
1908 Texan boxer "Galveston Jack" Johnson knocked out Tommy 
 Burns in Sydney, Australia, to become the first black boxer 
 to win the world heavyweight title. 
1917 During World War I, the U.S. government took over operation 
 of the nation's railroads. 
1921 The Catholic Irish Free State became a self-governing 
 dominion of Great Britain. 
1941 Winston Churchill became the first British prime minister 
 to address a joint meeting of the U.S. Congress. 
1943 The German battlecruiser Scharnhorst was sunk in the 
 North Sea, during the Battle of North Cape. 
1947 Heavy snow blanketed the Northeast United States, burying 
 New York City under 25.8 inches of snow in 16 hours. The 
 severe weather was blamed for about 80 deaths. 
1956 Fidel Castro attempted a secret landing in Cuba to 
 overthrow the Batista regime. All but 11 of his supporters 
 were killed. 
1991 The Soviet Union's parliament formally voted the country 
 out of existence. 
1995 Israel turned dozens of West Bank villages over to the 
 Palestinian Authority. 
1996 Six-year-old beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey was found 
 beaten and strangled in the basement of her family's home 
 in Boulder, CO. 
1998 Iraq announced that it would fire on U.S. and British 
 warplanes that patrol the skies over northern and southern Iraq. 
2002 The first cloned human baby was born. The announcement was 
 made the December 27 by Clonaid. 
2004 Under the Indian Ocean, a 9.0 magnitude earthquake sent 
 500-mph waves across the Indian Ocean and Bay of Bengal. The 
 tsunami killed at least 283,000 people in a dozen countries, 
 including Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Sumatra, Thailand and India.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, December 25



Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Louisiana Woman Nabbed For Trying To "Forcefully" 
Steal Shoes Off 11-Year-Old Boy's Feet
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1223 St. Francis of Assisi assembled one of the first 
 Nativity scenes, in Greccio, Italy. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, 
not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, 
but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature.
--- Tom Robbins (1936 - )

______________________________________________________

In the office where I work, there is a constant battle between our
technical-support director and customer-service personnel over the
room temperature, which is usually too low.

The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his position,
announced one afternoon, "We need to keep the temperature below
seventy-five degrees or the computers will overheat."

Thinking that this was just another excuse, one of my shivering
colleagues retorted, "Yeah right.  So how did they keep the computers
from overheating before there was air conditioning."

______________________________________________________

A guy goes to the doctor due to a hangnail. He walks in,
tells the nurse what is wrong and she immediately tells
him:
"Go into the cubicle on the left and take off all your
clothes. The doctor will be with you shortly." Wondering
why this problem would require one to undress, he nontheless
complies. After a few minutes, he becomes aware someone is
in the cubicle next to his, separated only by a curtain.
He peeks and there is another guy standing there undressed.

He attracts the man's attention, then asks "Why do you
suppose that nurse told me to take off all my clothes? I
only have a hangnail?"

The other man replied, "No idea, I'm just the UPS man
trying to deliver a package."

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture

AfterTheChristmasParty
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
goes to


Chessly Brimberry, 
36,
Louisiana

Louisiana Woman 
Nabbed For Trying To Forcefully
Steal Shoes Off 11-Year-Old 
Boy's Feet

Chessly Brimberry, a Louisiana woman, 36, is jailed 
after allegedly trying to “forcefully” steal the 
shoes off an 11-year-old boy.

Following Saturday afternoon’s attempted theft, cops 
arrested Brimberry based on a description provided by the 
young victim. After being collared, Brimberry “stated she 
could not believe she was being arrested for trying to 
take shoes from an 11 year old kid,” according to a 
probable cause affidavit.

Police noted that Brimberry’s blood alcohol content was 
measured at more than three times the legal limit for 
motorists (though the affidavit does not indicate that 
Brimberry was driving).

While being booked into jail, Brimberry reportedly told 
a cop, “When I see you I will kill you.” She also 
twice tried to run out of the jail, investigators 
noted. Pictured above, Brimberry is locked up in lieu 
of $7500 bond.

Brimberry was charged with attempted robbery and public 
intimidation. The affidavit does not disclose what kind 
of shoes she wrestled off the child.


Tech Support Pits
From: Bev
Re: MS Office nagger

Dear Webby
I have windows 7 with Chrome and use Open Office.  
I've been getting a notice to update Microsoft office 
starter 2010. Should I do it and do I need it?  
Thanks once again for your help.  
bevtank


Dear Bev
Difficult to say from this distance whether that is a scam 
or whether it is Microsoft whining about you not buying 
their stuff. Some people would probably consider that 
the same.

Since you got open Office, you don't need their starter.
Just ignore it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Hot Dog Bun Garlic Toast
One night I realized I had forgotten to buy garlic 
bread for our dinner. Too late for a trip to the store. 
I realized I had some extra hot dog buns though, and decided 
I could improvise. The improvising turned out well and I 
haven't bought pre-made garlic bread since. Not only are 
they tasty, but this costs way less since hot dog buns 
are so cheap. Enjoy! :)
Approximate Time: Around 14 minutes
Yield: As many as you like
Ingredients:
hot dog buns
butter or margarine
salt
powdered Parmesan cheese
Italian seasoning
garlic powder
Steps:
Split as many hot dog buns in half as you like.
split in half
Spread a generous amount of butter or margarine on each.
spread with butter or margarine
Sprinkle generous amounts of salt, Parmesan cheese, 
Italian seasoning, and garlic powder on each buttered 
half.
butter and seasonings addd
Bake in a 450 degree F oven for about 13 minutes or 
until golden brown. Enjoy!
finished
Source: Self
By melissa [53]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

>From Ed
"The first thing I did after being hired as the director of   
learning technology at a high school was to change the sign   
outside my door -- the one that had my name followed by the   
acronym D.O.L.T."   
______________________________________________________

Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben   
and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down   
the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.   
The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before   
the had taken three steps. the second threw his watch and   
made only two steps before hearing his watch shatter. The   
third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the   
stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked   
slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch." How did   
you do that?" asked one of his friends.   

"My watch is 20 minutes slow."   






 Silver Bells, a Christmas classic




Today in 
0800 Charlemagne was crowned first Holy Roman Emperor
 in Rome by Pope Leo III. 
1066 William the Conqueror was crowned king of England. 
1223 St. Francis of Assisi assembled one of the first 
 Nativity scenes, in Greccio, Italy. 
1776 Gen. George Washington and his troops crossed the 
 Delaware River for a surprise attack against Hessian 
 forces at Trenton, NJ. 
1818 "Silent Night" was performed for the first time, 
 at the Church of St. Nikolaus in Oberndorff, Austria. 
1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson granted an unconditional 
 pardon to all persons involved in the Southern rebellion 
 that resulted in the Civil War. 
1914 During World War I, British and German troops observed 
 an unofficial truce and even playing football together 
 on the Western Front. 
1926 Hirohito became the emperor of Japan after the death 
 of his father Emperor Taisho. 
1941 Hong Kong surrendered to the Japanese. 
1962 The Department of Commerce Census Clock in Washington, 
 DC, recorded the U.S. population on this day as 188 M. 
1972 The Nicaraguan capital Managua was hit by an earthquake. 
 Over 10,000 people were killed. 
1979 The USSR invaded Afghanistan in a bid to halt civil war 
 and protect USSR interests. 
1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife, 
 Elena, were executed following a popular uprising. 
1989 Dissident playwright Vaclav Havel was elected president 
 of Czechoslovakia. 
1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev went on television 
 to announce his resignation as leader of a Communist superpower 
 that had already gone out of existence. 
2000 Over 300 people were killed and dozens were injured by fire 
 at a Christmas party in the Chinese city of Luoyang. The 
 incident occurred at the Dongdu Disco.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, December 24



Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Man Pulled Gun Over "Missing" McDouble Burger
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1966 Luna 13 landed on the moon. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









The main dangers in this life are the people who want to 
change everything - or nothing.
--- Nancy Astor (1879 - 1964) 

To predict the behavior of ordinary people in advance, you
only have to assume that they will always try to escape a
disagreeable situation with the smallest possible
expenditure of intelligence.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche
______________________________________________________

I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son 
to begin having doubts about Santa Claus.  Sure enough, 
one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, 
the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy."

Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?"

He replied, "They're all nocturnal."

______________________________________________________

My brother and his wife shared their apartment with a parakeet
named "Nicky." The exterminator was scheduled to come, so my
sister-in-law put Nicky in the bedroom and hung a sign on the
door: "Please skip this room. Do not open door. Pet flies."

The exterminator came. On his receipt he wrote this comment:
"Finished all of the apartment except room with the pet flies."

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

reported by Don


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to


Demetri Johnson, 
21
Nashville
Tennessee

Man Pulled Gun Over Missing McDouble Burger

Tennessee cops are hunting for a McDonald’s patron who pulled 
a gun on restaurant workers after complaining that his 
drive-thru order was short a McDouble cheeseburger.

According to police, Demetri Johnson, 21, placed an order 
early last Thursday at a McDonald’s in Nashville. After 
receiving his food, he pulled away from the restaurant’s 
drive-thru lane.

Johnson, pictured at right, soon returned to the eatery 
“and complained that he was missing a McDouble cheeseburger,” 
cops reported. A McDonald’s manager asked Johnson to park 
his car and promised “he would bring out the missing item.”

Detectives allege that after waiting for a few minutes, 
Johnson entered the restaurant with a gun in his hand. 
After racking the weapon, he demanded that his McDouble 
order be fixed. “He and the three women with him also 
demanded fresh fries and new soft drinks,” cops added. 
The quartet departed after receiving their food.

Johnson is being sought on a felony aggravated assault 
charge. According to court records, Johnson has previously 
been arrested for weapons possession and theft.

Whether the original hamburger was already missing or not,
won't have any effect when it comes to the sentencing for
armed robbery.


Tech Support Pits
From: Aesop
Re: Old Skype

Dear Webby
I don't like the new version of Skype at all. What are those
bozos smoking? Whatever it is, it makes them look stupid.
Is there a way to go back to a decent version?
 Thanks
Aesop


Dear Aesop
Try Skype 6.20.

That site might be VERY busy. If it is too busy, try
Skype 6.20.0.104

I am using the first of those two. 
Keep in mind that after you have had one of the bad versions 
like 6.22 or later installed, it will try to re-install that
when you are not watching, for example during a reboot after
updating something else. The result of course is quite obvious
when you see the nuisance pufter design. Then you have to
re-install 6.20 over top of it, again.

They just like rubbing it in that you are the victim and 
they are the Queens Of Nuisance.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Almost Grandma's Applesauce
My grandma recently passed away. She was the best cook in 
the world, anyone that knew her would tell you the same 
thing. One of her specialties was her applesauce. I have 
been fiddling with my recipe for quite some time, and 
this is finally "almost" just like Grandma's!
This is shockingly quick to make, only cooks for 8-10 minutes. 
It tastes great still hot off the stove, you can also use 
any or all varieties of apples. I used what I had, red 
delicious, golden delicious, and Granny Smith.
*This is a great way to use up those apples that you 
forgot about and are now less than perfect.
Approximate Time: 10 minutes
Yield: 7 Cups

Ingredients:
15 smallish apples, any variety
2 cups water
3/4 cup white sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
Steps:
Peel and quarter your apples, place them in a stock pot.
Put water and spices in the pot.
Bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer and cook for 
about 10 minutes. You will want to stir occasionally.
Using a potato masher, push down on your mixture 
only a few times to break up the very large pieces. 
Leave it chunky, that's what Grandma did. It's 
better that way!:)
It is wonderful eaten hot off the stove, also very 
good from the fridge, freezes well too. That is if 
you have enough left over to do so!
Source: My Grandma
By melissa [53]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

After booking my 80-year-old mother on a flight from Florida
to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. The
representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair
and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and
impaired vision.

My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured
me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her
profusely.

"Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when
she cheerfully asked, "And will your mother need a rental car?"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Millie for this story:
As a new grandmother, I am very protective of my daughter
Meredith's baby girl. One cool afternoon I dropped by to
see my grandchild. Meredith and a friend had taken little
Allison for a walk in her stroller and were just coming up
the street.

As soon as they reached me, I bent down to admire Allison
and, in my fussiest voice, remarked, "Your little head is
cold. You should have a hat on."

My daughter looked knowingly at her friend and said, "You
owe me ten bucks."






 Silver Bells, a Christmas classic




Today in 
1814 The War of 1812 between the U.S. and Britain was ended
1818 Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Germany composed the music for 
 "Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr. 
1851 A fire devastated the Library of Congress in Washington, 
 DC, destroying about 35,000 volumes. 
1865 Several veterans of the Confederate Army formed a private 
 social club in Pulaski, TN, called the Ku Klux Klan. 
1906 Reginald A. Fessenden became the first person to broadcast 
 a music program over radio, from Brant Rock, MA. 
1914 In World War I, the first air raid on Britain was made 
 when a German airplane dropped a bomb on the grounds of a 
 rectory in Dover. 
1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt appointed Gen. Dwight 
 D. Eisenhower supreme commander of Allied forces as part of 
 Operation Overlord. 
1944 A German submarine torpedoed the Belgian transport ship 
 S.S. Leopoldville with 2,235 soldiers aboard. About 800 
 American soldiers died. The soldiers were crossing the 
 English Channel to be reinforcements at the battle that 
 become known as the Battle of the Bulge. 
1948 The first completely solar-heated house became occupied 
 in Dover, MA. 
1951 Libya achieved independence as the United Kingdom of 
 Libya, under King Idris. 
1965 A meteorite landed on Leicestershire. It weighed 
 about 100lbs. 
1966 Luna 13 landed on the moon. 
1968 Three astronauts, James A. Lovell, William Anders and 
 Frank Borman, reached the moon. They orbited the moon 10 times 
 before coming back to Earth. Seven months later man first 
 landed on the moon. 
1979 Soviet troops invaded Afghanistan in support of the 
 country's Marxist government. 
1985 Fidel Castro, the Cuban president, announced that he 
 was now a non-smoker. 
1989 Ousted Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega took refuge at 
 the Vatican's diplomatic mission in Panama City. 
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush pardoned former Defense 
 Secretary Caspar Weinberger and five others in the 
 Iran-Contra scandal. 
1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, known as "Carlos the Jackal," 
 was sentenced by a French court to life in prison for the 
 1975 murders of two French investigators and a Lebanese. 
1998 At Disneyland in Anaheim, CA, a tourist was hit by a 
 piece of flying metal while waiting to board a ride. The 
 man's wife and a Disneyland employee were also injured. 
 Luan Phi Dawson died December 26th from his injuries. 
1999 An Indian Airlines plane was seized during a flight 
 from Katmandu, Nepal, to New Delhi. In Afghanistan, the 
 150 hostages were freed on December 31 after India 
 released three Kashmir militants from prison. 
2000 The "Texas 7," seven convicts that had escaped a Texas 
 prison, robbed a sports store in Irving, TX. The suspects 
 killed Officer Aubrey Hawkins, stole $70,000, 25 weapons 
 and clothing. The men had escaped on December 13.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, December 23

The Swedish Christmas Goat is still standing!
Check the Webcam

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man arrested after killing a cop
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1942 Bob Hope agreed to entertain U.S. airmen in Alaska. 
 It was the first of the traditional Christmas shows. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, 
and I hate people like that!
--- Tom Lehrer (1928 - )

The greatest thing in this world is not so much where we 
stand as in what direction we are moving.
--- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 
______________________________________________________

In a cafeteria : "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria."

(hand-written underneath)
"Boots can eat anywhere they want."

______________________________________________________

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given
an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to
give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant.

The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't
feel so bad."

The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband
to pick it up.

"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the
way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.

"Exactly," replied the instructor.

To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife
and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me and get me a
coffee while you are up anyway."

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

reported by Don


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to


Marco Antonio Parilla Jr., 
23
Tarpon Springs
Florida


Fugitive Kills Florida Cop

A fugitive trying to evade an arrest warrant shot a Tampa-area 
police officer and then ran him over early Sunday, killing 
the officer, police said.

Marco Antonio Parilla Jr., 23, crashed his car into a pole 
and another vehicle after running over Tarpon Springs officer 
Charles Kondek. Parilla was arrested on suspicion of first-
degree murder.

The shooting did not appear to have any connection to the 
ambush killings of two New York police officers a day 
earlier.

Authorities said Kondek responded to a noise call around 
2 a.m. at an apartment complex. Parilla was pounding on 
doors, looking for a neighbor who had "dimed him out" to 
police, authorities said. 

When Parilla saw Kondek, he fired multiple rounds at the 
officer, striking him once above his bullet-proof vest.

"We know we have the right guy in custody," Pinellas County 
Sheriff Bob Gualtieri said. "This guy knew what he was 
doing, he killed a cop and he needs to be held accountable 
for that."

According to the Florida Department of Corrections, 
Parilla served more than two years in prison for several 
offenses, including drug charges, and was released in 
March. He was listed as a fugitive for violating his 
probation. It wasn't immediately clear what the 
violation was.

The sheriff said Parilla told investigators that when he 
saw the officer he "felt like a caged rat" and didn't 
want to return to prison.

"I apologize to the family" of the officer, Parilla told 
media outlets while being escorted to jail. "That was 
not my intention."

Kondek, 45, had been with the local force for 17 years. 
Originally from New York, Kondek previously served on 
the New York City Police Department for more than five 
years, authorities said.

Kondek was the father of six children.


Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: Microslop in emails

Dear Webby
A good morning to you and hope for a Great Christmas 
for you.

One "little" problem I have with my Eudora.  Some of the 
mail I get is cluttered with ?? and not the quotation marks 
that should have been there,  Ex:

The lady says, “What’s it telling you now?�

Is there a setting that will change this?

Thanks in advance for you help. 
Jim


Dear Jim
That is Microslop
When people use Microsoft WORD and have it set to use left 
and right leaning quotes to show they are some kind of 
secret pervert, then those non-ASCII characters show up 
as random weirdo symbols called Microslop in emails.

Those non-ASCII characters are for printing only, 
not for email or web pages.
There is a setting in WORD to change that, so that 
it does not use non-ASCII symbols. 
But they have to click that setting. 
It's the one about using "Smart Quotes".

Nothing you can do on the recipient side. 
Just realize that the sender is some kind of secret weirdo, 
or clueless, 
and go on with life.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Beach Towel To Protect Pillow
Hubby has oily skin and, being bald, he has no hair that 
absorbs at least some of the oil on his scalp. Changing 
the bed pillow case every day wasn't a big deal but I really 
didn't like the soiled pillows that became dirty and smelly. 
I bought several used beach towels at the Thrift Store and 
made them into pillow cases that I put over the pillow to 
protect it before slipping on the pretty top pillow case. 
I still change the top pillow case every day; the underneath 
towel pillow case is washed once a week and the pillow itself 
remains clean. I suppose this would work well too for those 
that have "sleeping sweat head". 
By Mina2184 [15]
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know
what we mean by sins of omission?"

A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have
committed, but didn't?"

______________________________________________________

While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed
several students on their hands and knees assessing the
courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are
they doing?" I asked our tour guide.

"Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask
the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this
courtyard."

"So what's the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out
of earshot of the freshmen.

The guide replied, "One."






 Icycles




Today in 
1788 Maryland voted to cede a 100-square-mile area for the 
 seat of the national government. About two-thirds of the area 
 became the District of Columbia. 
1823 The poem "A Visit from St. Nicholas" by Clement C. Moore 
 (" 'Twas the night before Christmas...") was published. 
1834 English architect Joseph Hansom patented his 'safety cab', 
 better known as the Hansom cab. 
1856 Ralph Collier was issued a U.S. patent for the first 
 rotary egg beater with rotating parts. 
1880 Thomas Edison incorporated the Edison Electric Light 
 Company of Europe. 
1888 Following a quarrel with Paul Gauguin, Dutch painter 
 Vincent Van Gogh cut off part of his own earlobe. 
1893 The Engelbert Humperdinck opera "Hansel und Gretel" 
 was first performed, in Weimar, Germany. 
1919 The first ship designed to be used as an ambulance for 
 the transport patients was launched. The hospital ship was 
 named USS Relief and had 515 beds. 
1941 During World War II, American forces on Wake Island 
 surrendered to the Japanese. 
1942 Bob Hope agreed to entertain U.S. airmen in Alaska. 
 It was the first of the traditional Christmas shows. 
1947 John Bardeen, Walter H. Brattain and William Shockley 
 invented the transistor. 
1948 Former Japanese premier Hideki Tojo and six other 
 Japanese war leaders were executed in Tokyo. They had been 
 found guilty of crimes against humanity. 
1953 Soviet secret police chief Lavrenti Beria and six of 
 his associates were shot for treason following a secret trial. 
1954 The Walt Disney movie "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" 
1965 A 70-mph speed limit was introduced in Britain. 
1968 Eighty-two crewmembers of the U.S. intelligence ship 
 Pueblo were released by North Korea, 11 months after they 
 had been captured. 
1981 NASA approved a plan to continue the Voyager II spacecraft 
 on a trajectory that would take it within 66,000 miles of 
 Uranus on July 24, 1986. 
1986 The experimental airplane Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan 
 and Jeana Yeager, completed the first non-stop, around-the-
 world flight without refueling as it landed safely at Edwards 
 Air Force Base in California. 
1987 Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme, serving a life sentence for 
 the attempted assassination of U.S. President Ford in 1975, 
 escaped from the Alderson Federal Prison for Women in West 
 Virginia. She was recaptured two days later. 
1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his wife, 
 Elena, were captured as they were attempting to flee their 
 country. 
1990 Elections in Yugoslavia ended, leaving four of its six 
 republics with non-Communist governments. 
1995 A fire in Dabwali, India, killed 540 people, including 
 170 children, during a year-end party being held near the 
 children's school. 
1995 The bodies of 16 members of the Solar Temple religious 
 sect were found in a clearing near Grenoble, France. 14 were 
 presumed shot by two people who then committed suicide. 
1997 Terry Nichols was convicted by a Denver jury on charges 
 of conspiracy and involuntary manslaughter in the 1995 
 federal building bombing in Oklahoma City. The bomb killed 
 168 people. 
1998 Guerrillas in south Lebanon fired dozens of rockets at 
 northern Israel.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, December 22

Thank you, Roy!

A fiend sent me this recipe:
Baked French Toast, one pan instead of standing at the stove 
flipping bread while everybody else eats.
http://myfridgefood.com/recipes/breakfa ... nch-toast/

I don't think I am supposed to eat that, but it sure is 
tempting!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida man arrested after he says 
he lied about being shot 
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1895 German physicist Wilhelm Röntgen made the first X-ray, 
 of his wife's hand.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. 
Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
--- Dick Clark

______________________________________________________

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not
been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant
about all the new technology. A technician followed her
onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking
machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate
to be hooked up to that thing," she said.

"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning
machine."

______________________________________________________

In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine
snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of
a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like
"well-aged Caumeneur."

The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but
was used to the infusion of French words into the local
vocabulary.

"Could you please spell that?" she asked.

"You know," said the woman impatiently,
"C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e".

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture

Canadian SOS
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

reported by Don


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to


Michael Weldon,
46
Ocala
Florida


Man arrested after he says 
he lied about being shot

 A man who showed up at a restaurant claiming he had been 
shot and that he apparently had killed the shooter was 
arrested by Ocala police on Friday for filing a false 
report.

While 46-year-old Michael Weldon, who has an extensive 
criminal history, was being taken to the Marion County 
Jail by Officer Sean Young, he told the official he was 
just trying to have some fun and thought “he would get 
a sandwich from Applebee’s for his story.”

His story was anything but funny to police, who had 
dispatched at least a dozen officers and Ocala Fire 
Rescue personnel to various areas investigating Weldon’s 
allegation that he had been shot.

A waitress at the popular fast food chain told officers 
Weldon was standing in the patio section leaning against 
a table holding his side. Appearing to be in pain, the 
employee saw what appeared to be blood by Weldon’s feet.

Asked if he was fine, Weldon told the woman he had been 
shot and showed her what looked like a bullet hole in his 
jacket. He then asked for some water and the employee 
told her manager, who called police.

The manager said that when she talked with Weldon, he 
told her he was shot and was holding his right side.
 Weldon said he was tussling with another man in the woods 
near Sears and had to kill the man. He wouldn’t say why 
he killed the man or why he was shot.

Officers, who arrived at the location and were quizzing 
Weldon, examined him and discovered he was not shot. He 
didn’t want to tell officers what happened, other than 
to say that “I took care of it, I don’t want to tell 
anybody,” according to the report.

As he was being transported to Sears, he told an officer 
that he was “just having fun,” and told people at the bar 
that he was joking. Officers recovered betadine in Weldon’s 
pocket, which he allegedly used to make the appearance 
of blood.

Officers searched the woods, which was clear, and checking 
his jacket, they found the hole was actually a burn from 
a cigarette.

Court documents show Weldon has multiple convictions dating 
back to 2005 for offenses including battery, retail theft 
and disorderly conduct. Weldon was convicted of burglary 
of a structure and released just two months ago.


Tech Support Pits
From: Smurf
Re: Attack on Sony

Dear Webby
I read that "US rejects North Korea offer to investigate 
Sony hack", and stands firm in it's allegations.
Which seem to be routine blustering and bullshit.

Hasn't it been established that the hack was caused with
a worm, that might have been snuck into the Sony network
by a discgruntled employee, or some dimwit, who wanted 
some utility, that came with a nasty payload?
Smurf


Dear Smurf
Yes, you are right, as usual.
North Korea probably got involved with gleefully spreading
what the hackers dug out, AFTER the hackers had posted
their harvest on the net. 

The worm, that let the hackers in and allowed them to
export all kinds of sensitive data was most likely made
in the USA or Russia, and is apparently in use by many
hackers to snoop and break in wherever they can. 
It is not new and is a well documented worm and method.

The better Anti-malware programs like McAfee and 
Malwarebytes protect you against it,
but if some bozo gets impatient when Malwarebytes slows down 
a computer while it does a scan, and shuts it off, then that 
is like riding a motorcycle with the helmet hanging on the 
handdlebar. Kinda stooopid.

However, we don't even know whether Sony DID have decent
malware protection, or just a snooty IT department, that
figured their own stuff was good enough.

Fact is, that SMB worm let one or two hackers quietly sneak
in and export tons of stuff without their IT department 
noticing it. 

It was NOT a big Denial-Of-Service attack by North Korea 
renting a Russian Botnet for $50,000 and battering down
Sony's defenses. If that had been the case, the Sony IT
department would have noticed it immediately, instead of
reading in the news about stuff, that had been exported
and published.

Sure, North Korea was miffed about that movie, and it would
be typical for them to take any credit for ANYTHING happening
to Sony, but it is very unlikely, that they paid a hacker to
go after Sony. They would be too paranoid about the hacker 
doing the same thing to them. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Add a Hershey's Kiss to Coffee
Ugh! Trying to lose weight during the holidays? When you 
get that chocolate urge, put a Hershey's Kiss in the bottom 
of your coffee cup! Pour coffee over the Kiss and you will 
have great tasting coffee with VERY little calories! 
A Peppermint Kiss is great for the holidays!
Source: Weight Watchers meeting 20 years ago!
By Irishwitch [390]
You can get generic Kisses, both
Milk Chocolate and Dark Chocolate at the Bulk Barn for 
about $1.50 a pound. No fancy packaging, you just scoop
them into a plastic bag.

They are also the best source for spices. 
Their Smoked Sweet Paprika is top quality and incredibly 
cheap. They have, of course, also regular and hot paprika.
Alltogether they have over 4000 different products. If you
are in driving distance of a Bulk Barn, check them out!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

Two priests were talking together and the older one said to the
younger, "You know, when you came into church with all your
new ideas, I had questions about how you were going to fit in
and how well your ideas were going to work."

"When you wanted to put bucket seats down in the front two
rows of seats, I had my doubts. But now, at every mass, the
seats are filled up with young people, so I have to agree that
it was a good idea."

"Then, when you wanted to jazz up the choir and we started
singing newer, peppier songs, I was afraid it would offend the
parishioners. Now, we have a lot of new, younger choir members,
and the music seems to pick up the services a lot more than the
old music. So, once again I have to agree that you were right!

"But when you wanted to put in the drive-through confessional,
I have to admit I thought you'd lost it. But now, at least, there are
more people coming to confession than ever. I think you've come
up with another good idea."

"However, the neon sign out front that says,
'Toot 'n tell or go to hell',
has got to go!

______________________________________________________

A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes
says to his friend, "I don't really like to dress like this, 
but it keeps my parents from making me go with them to visit 
Aunt Helen."






 Candelabras




Today in 
1775 A Continental naval fleet was organized in the rebellious 
 American colonies under the command of Ezek Hopkins. 
1807 The U.S. Congress passed the Embargo Act, designed to 
 force peace between Britain and France by cutting off all 
 trade with Europe. 
1895 German physicist Wilhelm Röntgen made the first X-ray, 
 of his wife's hand. 
1910 U.S. Postal savings stamps were issued for the first 
 time. They were discontinued in 1914. 
1941 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill arrived in 
 Washington for a wartime conference with U.S. President 
 Franklin Roosevelt. 
1956 The last British and French forces evacuated Egypt. 
1961 James Davis became the first U.S. soldier to die in 
 Vietnam, while U.S. involvement was still limited to the 
 provision of military advisers. 
1989 Romania's hard-line Communist ruler, Nicolae Ceausescu, 
 was overthrown in a popular uprising. 
1991 The body of Lt. Col. William R. Higgins, an American 
 hostage murdered by his captors, was found along a highway 
 in Lebanon. 
1998 A unit of RJR Nabsico pled guilty to attempting to smuggle 
 cigarettes into Canada. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, December 21

The web cam for the Gävle Goat in Sweden is at
http://www.visitgavle.se/sv/gavlebocken

The 43 foot tall goat has been burned down 25 times
in the past. This year it looks like they thoroughly
plastered it with snow and ice, and like it might survive.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida Duo's Phony Heart Attack 
Scheme Foiled

Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1945 U.S. Gen. George S. Patton died in Heidelberg, Germany, 
 of injuries from a car accident. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling 
the truth about other people.
--- Philip Guedalla (1889 - 1944)  

______________________________________________________

Our college just completed a new three-story building. While
walking down a hall on the second floor, I overheard two
students say, "I really like the skylights on the third floor."

"Me too," remarked the second student. "I don't know why
they didn't just put some on the second floor too."

______________________________________________________

My violin teacher was teaching a large group class. She
showed them her violin and said, "This violin was made
in the early 1800s."

Someone in the class raised their hand and asked,
"Did they make it specially for you?"

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to


Tarus Scott, 
30, and 
Genard Dupree, 27
Lake Wales
Florida

Duo's Phony Heart Attack 
Scheme Foiled

A Florida thief last week faked a heart attack inside a 
Walmart so that a male accomplice could walk out of the 
store with a shopping cart stuffed with toys, including 
a motorized Barbie Power Wheel, police report.

While the diversion proved initially successful, the pair 
was arrested yesterday on grand theft charges when they 
were linked to the crime via surveillance footage.

According to a Polk County Sheriff’s Office report, 
Tarus Scott, 30, and Genard Dupree, 27, entered the 
Lake Wales Walmart together and filled a cart with 
$369.94 in merchandise. As seen on the below store 
surveillance video, the men separated after the 
cart was loaded.

As Scott moved toward the exit with the merchandise, 
Dupree dropped to the floor and clutched his chest. 
With Dupree doing his best Fred Sanford imitation, 
Scott walked past his sidekick. The fake heart attack, 
cops noted, “appeared to be done in an attempt to 
create a distraction long enough for Scott to exit 
the store, past all points of sale, without paying 
for the merchandise in the cart."

Dupree’s heart trouble lasted 44 seconds before he 
was able to get to his feet and amble out of Walmart. 
He met up with Scott in the parking lot and the pair 
drove away in an SUV.

A subsequent police review of surveillance footage 
resulted in the identification of Dupree and Scott. 
Dupree is currently on felony probation for theft, 
while Scott is an ex-con who was released from prison 
last year after serving about a decade for armed robbery.

Pictured in the above mug shots, Dupree (left) and 
Scott are being held in the Polk County jail for 
felony grand theft.

Tech Support Pits
From: Otto
Re: Server Message Block

Dear Webby
Surely there must have been more than just routine sloppiness
that let the North Koreans into the Sony network!
Sony is a pretty big and smart company!

I realize the US Government won't do anything about it except
for some lame rethoric from the White House, but what can we 
really do to avoid getting hacked by North Korea?
Otto


Dear Otto 
Sony did not get knocked over by a traditional Denial-Of-Service
attack by a rented Russian Botnet. They are big enough and 
have enough talent on staff, that they probably could have 
fought that. Considering that they are a mostly Windows 
network, they would have eventually gotten knocked over, but
that was not the case. They would have most definitely noticed
a DOS attack, while it was in progress.

We host some Human Rights servers for the East Block, and we
get attacked quite frequently by Russian botnets of 50,000
or more machines. Attacks like that are about as sneaky and 
subtle as a forest fire. No way to ignore those!

Sony did not realize that they had been hacked, until their
files and emails appeared on the Internet. It was not till 
a month later, that they found out that they had been 
cleaned out with an SMB worm, that had gotten in through
sloppiness, 
or possibly via a bought insider, who downloaded a nifty
tool bar or gadget without considering the consequences.

All I can do is repeat what I had written yesterday:
If you use McAfee and Malwarebytes, 
and use common sense when it comes to downloading utilities 
and games, then you will be quite safe.

If they don't get in, they can't hurt you.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!







______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Giftwrap
Use colored masking tape instead of ribbon to wrap gifts.
Colored Tape Instead of Ribbons
By lnygaard [93]

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

Thanks to Arnie for this story:
I had an offer from a large company and they offered to fly me
out to the meeting on business class. During the return flight
we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I
decided to save them for later, so I placed them in a vomit bag.
After the plane landed I got up to leave and a stewardess
approached me.

She asked, "Sir, would you like for me to dispose of that
for you?"
I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids."

______________________________________________________

A stewardess approached a gentleman who was voicing his
complains rather loudly.
"Yes, Sir?"

"I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly,
I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie, and
there are no window blinds, so I can't sleep."

"Captain, shut up and pretend to be busy. "






 Candelabras




Today in 
1620 The "Mayflower", and its passengers, pilgrims from England, 
 landed at Plymouth Rock, MA. 
1898 Scientists Pierre and Marie Curie discovered the 
 radioactive element radium. 
1913 Arthur Wynne published a new "word-cross" puzzle in the 
 "New York World" in England. The name was later changed to 
 "crossword." 
1925 Eisenstein's film "Battleship Potemkin" was first 
 shown in Moscow. 
1937 Walt Disney debuted the first, full-length, animated 
 feature in Hollywood, CA. The movie was "Snow White and the 
 Seven Dwarfs." 
1944 Horse racing was banned in the United States until 
 after the end of World War II. 
1945 U.S. Gen. George S. Patton died in Heidelberg, Germany, 
 of injuries from a car accident. 
1948 The state of Eire (formerly the Irish Free State) 
 declared its independence. 
1958 Charles de Gaulle was elected to a seven-year term as 
 the first president of the Fifth Republic of France. 
1968 Apollo 8 was launched on a mission to orbit the moon. 
 The craft landed safely in the Pacific Ocean on December 27. 
1971 The U.N. Security Council chose Kurt Waldheim to succeed 
 U Thant as secretary-general. 
1978 Police in Des Plaines, IL, arrested John W. Gacy Jr. 
 and began unearthing the remains of 33 men and boys that Gacy 
 was later convicted of killing. 
1988 270 people were killed when Pan Am Boeing 747 exploded 
 over Lockerbie, Scotland, due to a terrorist attack. 
1991 Eleven of the 12 former Soviet republics proclaimed the 
 birth of the Commonwealth of Independent States. 
1995 The city of Bethlehem passed from Israeli to Palestinian 
 control. 
1998 A Chinese court sentenced two dissidents to long prison 
 terms for attempting to organize an opposition party. A third 
 man was sentenced to 12 years in prison on December 22, 1998. 
1998 The first vaccine for Lyme disease was approved. 
2001 The Islamic militant group Hamas released a statement that 
 said it was suspending suicide bombings and mortar attacks in Israel. 
2002 Larry Mayes was released after spending 21 years in prison 
 for a rape that he maintained that he never committed. He was 
 the 100th person in the U.S. to be released after DNA tests 
 were performed. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Sturday, December 20

Thank you, Jan!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Pennsylvania Jerk, who groped drive-thru worker at McDonald's
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1820 The state of Missouri enacted legislation to tax 
 bachelors between the ages of 21-50 for being unmarried. 
 The tax was $1 a year. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Most of the change we think we see in life is due to 
truths being in and out of favor.
--- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)

______________________________________________________

A Sunday School teacher is telling her class the story of Jonah and the
whale. The childrenís eyes get bigger and bigger as she tells them that
Jonah was swallowed by the whale and sat in its stomach for three days and
three nights before God answered his prayer and the whale expelled Jonah
onto dry land.

When she finishes the story the teacher asks, "Now children, what does this
story teach us?"

There's a long pause. Finally, a six-year-old boy exclaims: "You can't keep
a good man down!"

______________________________________________________

A ThirdAger is getting his annual physical when the doctor
notices several dark, ugly bruises on the man's shins.

"Do you play hockey, soccer or another physical sport?"
the doctor asks.

"No," says the man. "I play bridge with my wife."

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to


Michael Jenkins
23
Upper Darby
Pennsylvania

Jerk groped drive-thru worker at McDonald's

A Pennsylvania man was charged yesterday with an assortment 
of crimes after he allegedly reached into a McDonald’s 
drive-thru window and fondled a female employee working 
the night shift.

According to a probable cause affidavit, Michael Jenkins, 23, 
and another man walked up early Thursday morning to the 
eatery in Upper Darby, a Philadelphia suburb.

Jenkins, seen at right, reportedly flirted with the 31-year-
old McDonald’s employee, and offered to pick her up later 
that day for a date. The worker, police reported, 
ignored Jenkins.

Before departing the window, Jenkins reached in and grabbed 
the woman’s breast, cops say. After the victim shut the 
window, she spoke with a McDonald’s manager who then called 
911. 

Jenkins went from the fast food restauarant to a nearby bar, 
where he was arrested by cops.

Jenkins was charged with indecent assault, public drunkenness, 
harassment, and disorderly conduct. He was later freed on an 
unsecured $30,000 bond.

When Jenkins was confronted by an officer, he admitted to 
being at the McDonald’s, according to the affidavit. 
“Yea I am a ladies man,” Jenkins told the cop. 
“That girl over there wants me,” he added, referring to 
the McDonald’s employee.


Tech Support Pits
From: Robert
Re: Cyberalert

Dear Webby
The National Cyber Awareness System has sent out an alert
about a Server Message Block (SMB) Worm Tool, partrs ofr which
had apparently been used to hack Sony. The whole report is 
way too technical for me, but I gather that it affects Windows 
Servers and Windows machines, and that the details are at
https://www.us-cert.gov/ncas/tips/ST13-003

Can you tran slate their recommendations so that I can 
understand them?
Thanks
Robert


Dear Robert
If you use McAfee and Malwarebytes, 
and use common sense when it comes to downloading utilities 
and games, then you will be quite safe.

Sony apparently used a Windows network instead of Linux or 
UNIX, and once that Worm Tool was inside, they lost control
without even noticing it.

That does not mean all Windows networks are automatically
vulnerable. Keep in mind, your little home network is not
going to be targeted by North Korea, and the only way your
home network will get compromised, is if you or a family 
member downloads some stuff, that includes a free bonus
tool bar or similar trojan horse.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!







______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Decorating:
I really like to create decorations using mostly natural 
items that I find in our rural community all year. It fits 
so well with our old home. They are beautiful, natural 
and free and recyclable!
By Dee [175]

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The
sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you
a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy
and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held
a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to
become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to
it that his work contained as many errors as possible.

The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine,"
he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to
check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned.

"You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the
typewriter instead of at the adding machine."

______________________________________________________

A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country outhouse,
had the misfortune to fall through the opening and land in the
muck at the bottom. He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top
of his lungs.

The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens
roaring as they approached the privy.

"Where's the fire?" called the chief.

"No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole.

"But if I had yelled, '****! ****! ****!',
who would have rescued me?"






 The Redneck Book of Manners




Today in 
1606 The "Susan Constant," "Godspeed" and "Discovery" set 
 sail from London. Their landing at Jamestown, VA, was the 
 start of the first permanent English settlement in America. 
1699 Peter the Great ordered that the Russian New Year be 
 changed from September 1 to January 1. 
1790 The first successful cotton mill in the United States 
 began operating at Pawtucket, RI. 
1803 The United States Senate ratified a treaty that included 
 the Louisiana Territories from France for $15 million. 
 The transfer was completed with formal ceremonies in 
 New Orleans. 
1820 The state of Missouri enacted legislation to tax 
 bachelors between the ages of 21-50 for being unmarried. 
 The tax was $1 a year. 
1879 Thomas A. Edison privately demonstrated his incandescent 
 light at Menlo Park, NJ. 
1880 New York's Broadway became known as the "Great White Way" 
 when it was lighted by electricity. 
1892 Alexander T. Brown and George Stillman patented the 
 pneumatic tire. 
1928 Mail delivery by dog sled began in Lewiston, ME. 
1938 Vladimir Kosma Zworykin patented the iconoscope 
 television system. 
1946 In Indochina (Vietnam), full-scale guerrilla warfare 
 between Vietnam partisans and French troops began. 
1954 Buick Motor Company signed Jackie Gleason to one of the 
 largest contracts ever entered into with an entertainer. 
 Gleason agreed to produce 78 half-hour shows over a two-year 
 period for $6,142,500. 
1963 The Berlin Wall was opened for the first time to West 
 Berliners. It was only for the holiday season. It closed 
 again on January 6, 1964. 
1973 The Spanish premier Carrero Blanco was assassinated 
 in Madrid. 
1987 More than 3,000 people were killed when the Dona Paz, 
 a Philippine passenger ship, collided with the tanker Vector 
 off Mindoro island, setting off a double explosion. 
1989 General Noriega, Panama's former dictator, was overthrown 
 by a United States invasion force invited by the new civilian 
 government. The project was known as Operation Just Cause. 
1995 An American Airlines Boeing 757 en route to Cali, Colombia, 
 crashed into a mountain, killing all but four of the 163 people 
 aboard. 
1999 The Vermont Supreme Court ruled that homosexual couples 
 were entitled to the same benefits and protections as wedded 
 couples of the opposite sex. 
1999 Sovereignty over the colony of Macao was transferred from 
 Portugal to China. 
2001 The U.S. Congress passed a $20 billion package to finance 
 the war against terrorism taking place in Afghanistan. 
2001 Argentina's President Fernando De la Rua resigned after 
 two years in power. 
2001 The first British peacekeepers arrived in Afghanistan to 
 help the nation heal after decades of war.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, December 19
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida mother dressing son as a girl and 
posting a picture on Facebook
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1998 U.S. President Bill Clinton was impeached on two charges 
 of perjury and obstruction of justice by the U.S. House 
 of Representatives.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, 
wants another one which will last forever.
--- Anatole France (1844 - 1924)

Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line 
between sanity and madness gotten finer?
--- George Price

______________________________________________________

During an award ceremony the wife of Spain's ambassador to
Washington asked former Sen. George Mitchell if he could
make his speech a bit longer, since the ambassador had still
not arrived from the airport. Mitchell replied: "I spent
years in the U.S. Senate, Madam. I can speak on any subject
for any length of time -- especially on a subject about which
I have no particular knowledge."

______________________________________________________

Howard County Police officers still write their reports by
hand, and the data is entered later into their database.
One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs.
Thinking that to be an error, the data entry tech called
the farmer directly.

"Is it true, Mr. Smith that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked.

"Yeth," lisped the farmer.

Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered:

"Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture

Geminid Fireball over Mount Balang 
Image Credit: Alvin Wu
While viewing the Geminids meteor shower a few days ago, a 
bright fireball was captured over Mt. Balang, China with 
particularly picturesque surroundings. In the foreground, 
a sea of light clouds slowly floated between dark mountain 
peaks. In the background, the constellation of Orion shone 
brightly, with the familiar three stars of Orion's belt 
visible near the image top right. Sirius, the brightest 
star in the night sky, is visible near the image center. 
The bright fireball flashed for only a fraction of second 
on the lower right. The source of the fireball was a pebble 
that intersected the protective atmosphere of Earth, 
originally expelled by the Sun-orbiting asteroid-like 
object 3200 Phaethon.
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to


Christle Prado
34
Keith Driscoll
26
Winter Garden
Florida

Abusive mother-of-three arrested 
for forcing her mentally-ill son, 10, to dress 
up as a girl and put make up on because he wet 
the bed

A Florida mom and her roommate are facing child cruelty 
charges after forcing her 10-year-old son to dress up like 
a girl and then posting pictures of the humiliation on 
Facebook.

Authorities learned about the incident after a relative of 
Christle Prado saw the photos online and noticed the young 
boy was visibly upset about being punished.

Prado claims Driscoll, who also happens to be her landlord, 
came up with the idea as a way to punish the child for bad 
behavior, and trying to blame him for what she did, she claims
she went along with it for fear of compromising her living 
situation.

According to Kristi Gray, a representative from the Department 
of Children and Families, “It was clear to me and anyone else 
who saw these pictures that this boy was clearly distraught 
and fearful about what was happening to him…It becomes mental 
injury when the child is traumatized during the event and 
after the event,” said Gray.

When officials went to visit Prado’s residence, they found 
the boy raking leaves in the yard, and when prompted about it, 
still emotional from the ordeal.

Prado and Discoll are being charged with cruelty toward 
children, which is a second-degree felony, and infliction 
of mental injury on a child. The boy and his two siblings
are now in the care of his grandmother, who had reported 
the incident, and who says that the boy has a known mental 
illness and that the abuse has gone on for far too long.
She has tried to gain custody and funding for some time.

Prado reportedly told an investigator that she was frustrated 
that her son had been wetting himself and went to Driscoll 
for advice.

Driscoll had the idea for dressing her son up as a girl.

Prado says the boy was dressed as a girl for only two minutes. 

Police learned about the incident after grandmother claims she
saw Facebook photos of the boy wearing the dress and crying.


Tech Support Pits
From: Dwayne
Re: Find files

Dear Webby
When I try to find a file using ther Windows SEARCH, it acts 
as stupid as if it was a screen saver and craps out as soon
as a fly shakes my desk.
Is there a way around that?
Dwayne


Dear Dwayne
Yes, there is!
As soon as you have finished typing the name of the file you
are searching for, or part of it,
you see a tiny magnifying glass and the text "See more results"
just above where you typed.
Hit that!

That will open a File Explorer with all the search results,
and it won't "crap out" as you so eloquently put it.

You can even sort those search results.

Depending on the size of your hard drives, it might take 
some time to finish searching. Just give it time.
You can do other work and don't have to worry about it
collapsing and giving up like the ordinary Search.

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!







______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Unexpected Company
Keep some practical spare gifts on the side just in case 
you need one for an unexpected guest! I have a few generic 
'go to' gifts; several jars of local jelly, jam, maple syrup 
or honey with a simple square of fabric tied to the top of 
each jar looks good. Or a bar or two of beautifully hand 
decorated soap or even bottles of wine. If you don't use 
them for guests, you could still use them after the 
holidays!
By Dee [175]

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

Little Nancy wailed over her doll, crushed by car tires
when her mother had backed over it.  Finally, her mother
had heard enough, "Don't come crying to me.
I told you not to leave it on the porch!"

______________________________________________________

An hysterical mother phones the family's pediatrician with
an emergency.

"Doctor," she says, "I was writing a letter when my
two-year-old came along, grabbed my fancy fountain pen and
swallowed it. What should I do?"

"Don't panic, I'll be right over," says the doctor.
"In the meantime, what are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm using a pencil."






 The Redneck Book of Manners




Today in 
1154 Henry II became King of England. 
1562 The Battle of Dreux was fought between the Huguenots 
 and the Catholics, beginning the French Wars of Religion. 
1732 Benjamin Franklin began publishing "Poor Richard's Almanac." 
1776 Thomas Paine published his first "American Crisis" essay. 
1777 General George Washington led his army of about 11,000 
 men to Valley Forge, PA, to camp for the winter. 
1842 Hawaii's independence was recognized by the U.S. 
1843 Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" was first published 
 in England. 
1871 Corrugated paper was patented by Albert L. Jones. 
1887 Jake Kilrain and Jim Smith fought in a bare knuckles 
 fight which lasted 106 rounds and 2 hours and 30 minutes. 
 The fight was ruled a draw and was halted due to darkness. 
1903 The Williamsburg Bridge opened in New York City. It 
 opened as the largest suspension bridge on Earth and 
 remained the largest until 1924. It was also the first 
 major suspension bridge to use steel towers to support 
 the main cable. 
1907 A coalmine explosion in Jacobs Creek, PA, killed 
 239 workers. 
1957 Air service between London and Moscow was inaugurated. 
1972 Apollo 17 splashed down in the Pacific, ending the Apollo 
 program of manned lunar landings. 
1984 Britain and China signed an accord returning Hong Kong 
 to Chinese sovereignty on July 1, 1997. 
1989 U.S. troops invaded Panama to overthrow the regime of 
 General Noriega. 
1996 The school board of Oakland, CA, voted to recognize 
 Black English, also known as "ebonics." The board later 
 reversed its stance. 
1998 U.S. President Bill Clinton was impeached on two charges 
 of perjury and obstruction of justice by the U.S. House 
 of Representatives. 
2000 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose sanctions on 
 Afghanistan's Taliban rulers unless they closed all 
 terrorist training camps and surrender U.S. embassy 
 bombing suspect Osama bin Laden. 
2003 Images for the new design for the Freedom Tower at 
 the World Trade Center site were released. The building 
 slopes into a spire that reaches 1,776 feet. 
2008 U.S. President George W. Bush signed a $17.4 billion 
 rescue package of loans for ailing auto makers General 
 Motors and Chrysler.
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 18

Thank you,  Patricia!!
Thank you Barbara

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Oregon woman is charged after a fatal 
accident in which the victim stayed on top of the car 
for 11 blocks
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1970 Divorce became legal in Italy.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Some think it's holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it's letting go.
--- Sylvia Robinson

______________________________________________________

Sunday School Bloopers:
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had
trouble with unsympathetic Genitals.

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a
jezebel like Delilah.

Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles.

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made
unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients.

Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father.

The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the
Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to
stand still and he obeyed him

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with
the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times.

Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found
Jesus- in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an
emaculate contraption.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which
is another name for marriage.

______________________________________________________

Mrs. Morris Siegel beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf
Goodman's, pointed to white wool designer dress on a
mannequin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy, so how much the
dress on that store dummy over there is?"

"That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather
snooty salesman.

"Oy! For $99.95 I could get the same dress at
Klein's Bargain Store downtown!"

"But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the
dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is
100% pure virgin wool."

"Nu! So for $800 I should be caring what the sheep
at night do?"

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture

Kakabeak (Clianthus)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to


Isabel Gloria McDaniel 
30,
Veneta, 
Oregon

Oregon woman is charged after a fatal 
accident in which the victim stayed on top of the car 
for 11 blocks

Springfield police have arrested a suspect in a fatal 
hit-and-run accident in which a motorist allegedly continued 
to drive while the victim was still on top of the car.

Police said they arrested Isabel Gloria McDaniel, 30, of 
Veneta, at about 9 p.m. Saturday and charged her with a 
felony count of hit and run, as well as tampering with 
physical evidence.

She was booked into the Lane County Jail.

McDaniel’s husband, Gary Louis McDaniel, 24, was cited 
for tampering with physical evidence and then released, 
police said.

Police said earlier that a white Honda had sideswiped 
Springfield resident Julio Ortiz, 39, in the intersection 
of 54th and Main streets in Springfield about 6 p.m. 
Thursday. The car then hit his father, Daniel Ortiz-Reynaga, 
67, of Mexico, flipping him onto the top of the car.

The motorist drove for about 11 blocks, according to police, 
until the car approached 42nd Street on Smith Way, at which 
point Ortiz-Reynaga either fell or was removed from the car 
and left to die in the street.

The victim was taken to Peace Health Sacred Heart Medical 
Center at RiverBend in Springfield by medics and 
pronounced dead.

Julio Ortiz suffered minor injuries.
Springfield police said Saturday night that, based on 
information from two separate sources, they located the 
vehicle believed to have been involved in the incident 
in the McDaniels’ garage on Dunham Avenue in Veneta, and 
arrested Isabel McDaniel without incident.

Police had released a description of the vehicle earlier 
in the week and asked for help from the public.

Members of the public responded, and “their information 
was instrumental in the apprehension of the suspect,” 
police said.

Tech Support Pits
From: Richard
Re: Chrome history of tabs

Dear Webby
How do I get a history of my tabs in Chrome?
Thanks
Richard


Dear Richard
CTRL H will give you a raw history.
However, I would recommend you get the "Session Buddy"
extension. It gives you an easier to manage history. 
It is free at
Session Buddy

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!







______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Gift Giving:
Gift cards are great but I always like to pair them with 
something. A home improvement store card could be inserted 
in a pair of work or gardening gloves; a nursery coupon 
placed in a potted plant. Also consider getting a gift 
card at their favorite hair stylists (you know they'll 
appreciate it sooner or later) gas station, grocer or 
(my personal favorite) a bookstore, since ANY 
topic/hobby can be found there!
There are also Entertainment books for every area and 
they usually offer great BOGO deals. For young families, 
going out is an expense they can't afford. You might 
even offer to babysit so they can have a date together 
to use their coupons.
For young or old, a membership to a museum for the 
year gets them a free pass to interesting entertainment, 
or you can give tickets to concerts, screenings, 
favorite restaurant or a club they like (gym, fitness, 
yoga, spa, etc) and sites like Groupon and Living 
Social offer great deals for events and products!
By Dee [175]

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

Two contafiters way up nort in Chicargo wuz makin sum
contafit money an dey accidently made sum twelve dollar
bill by mistake.  Dey made a whole bunch of dem before
dey foun dere mistake, so insted of startin over dey
decide to try to pass dem off.

Dey always herd how backward people in Louisiana wuz,
especially dem folks name Boudreaux frum down neer
Lafayette so dey jumpin dere car an drive down to
Lafayette, LA an wen dey got dere dey look in da fone
book an shore enuf dey fine Boudreaux's General Store
an Mercantile listed rite dere in da yeller pages.

Dey went to Boudreaux's store an walk up to da man at
da counter.

Da firs contafiter say, "Are you Mr. Boudreaux?"

Boudreaux say, "Mais shore, dat's me. Wat can Ah do fa
you fellers?"

Da contafiter wisper to his frien, "This is gonna be
easier than I thought."

Da contafiter say, "Can you give us change for a twelve
dollar bill?"

Boudreaux say, "Mais shore Ah can!  How you want dat,
tree fores, fore trees, or 2 sixes?"

______________________________________________________

The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he
asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech.
When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.

"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to
know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."

The employee was baffled.  "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he
replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."






 Spite House




Today in 
1796 The "Monitor," of Baltimore, MD, was published as the 
 first Sunday newspaper. 
1862 The first orthopedic hospital was organized in New 
 York City. It was called the Hospital for Ruptured and 
 Crippled. 
1898 A new automobile speed record was set at 39 mph (63 kph). 
1903 The Panama Canal Zone was acquired 'in perpetuity' by the 
 U.S. for an annual rent. 
1912 The discovery of the Piltdown Man in East Sussex was 
 announced. It was proved to be a hoax in 1953. 
1936 Su-Lin, the first giant panda to come to the U.S. from China, 
 arrived in San Francisco, CA. The bear was sold to the Brookfield 
 Zoo for $8,750. 
1940 Adolf Hitler signed a secret directive ordering preparations 
 for a Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union. Operation "Barbarossa" 
 was launched in June 1941. 
1944 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the wartime relocation of 
 Japanese-Americans. 
1950 NATO foreign ministers approved plans to defend Western 
 Europe, including the use of nuclear weapons, if necessary. 
1953 WPTZ, in Philadelphia, PA, presented a Felso commercial, 
 it was the first color telecast seen on a local station. 
1956 Japan was admitted to the United Nations. 
1957 The Shippingport Atomic Power Station in Pennsylvania went 
 online. It was the first nuclear facility to generate electricity 
 in the United States. It was taken out of service in 1982. 
1965 Kenneth LeBel jumped 17 barrels on ice skates. 
1969 Britain's Parliament abolished the death penalty for murder. 
1970 Divorce became legal in Italy. 
1972 The United States began the heaviest bombing of North Vietnam 
 during the Vietnam War. The attack ended 12 days later. 
1973 The IRA launched its Christmas bombing campaign in London. 
1979 The sound barrier was broken on land for the first time by 
 Stanley Barrett when he drove at 739.6 mph. 
1983 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) scored his 100th point in 
 the 34th game of the season. 
998 Russia recalled its U.S. ambassador in protest of the U.S. 
 attacks on Iraq. 
1998 South Carolina proceeded with the U.S.' 500th execution 
 since capital punishment was restored. 
1999 After living atop an ancient redwood in Humboldt County, 
 CA, for two years, environmental activist Julia "Butterfly" 
 Hill came down, ending her anti-logging protest. 
2001 A fire damaged New York City's St. John Cathedral. The 
 cathedral is the largest in the United States. 
2009 General Motors announced that it would shut down its Saab brand. 
2009 A Paris court ruled that Google was breaking French law 
 with its policy of digitizing books and fined the company a 
 $14,300-a-day fine until it rids its search engine of the 
 literary extracts. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 17

Thank you,  Svend!

We had beautiful, thick frost this morning and all day.
Very festive looking!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
a Florida mother, who assaulted and kidnapped an 11 year old
kid for calling her daughter a name
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1957 The United States successfully test-fired the Atlas 
 intercontinental ballistic missile for the first time. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.
--- Flannery O'Connor (1925 - 1964)

______________________________________________________

The personnel manager was impressing the applicant
with the prospective job.
"We make parts for microscopes.  You'll be required
to work with lenses that are a thousandths of an inch thick."

"I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in
a delicatessen. I can slice ham so thin, it is kosher.

______________________________________________________

When my 3-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his
grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.  He squealed with
delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not pleased.

I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you.  Don't you
remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Mom smiled and then replied, "Oh, I remember."

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture
Snake Gourd (Trichosanthes cucumerina)

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to


Sandra Rivera, 
28,
Orlando
Florida

11-year-old choked, kidnapped by woman at school

A Florida mom is facing criminal charges after allegedly 
trying to kill an 11-year-old boy who teased her daughter.

Sandra Rivera, 28, overheard the student call her 9-year-old 
daughter a curse word on Thursday afternoon outside of their 
school in Orlando, WKMG reports. Rivera allegedly responded 
by grabbing the boy and choking him, forcing him into her 
vehicle, according to WFTV.

Orlando police arrested a woman accused of attacking a boy 
at his elementary school, threatening to kill him and 
kidnapping him.

The incident happened Thursday after school at Eccleston 
Elementary near Bruton Boulevard in Orlando.

Local 6 spoke to the 11-year-old boy and his mother, Ana Baez.

According to the arrest affidavit, Orlando police say 
28-year-old Sandra Rivera went to the school waiting to 
confront the fifth-grader because she said he called her 
9-year-old a curse word.

Baez says she saw video of the incident that was captured 
on the school's security cameras.

"When I saw the video, I said no mercy, she's going to jail," 
Baez said.

The 11-year-old says he was on his bike at the school when 
Rivera came up and threw him off.

"She slammed me into the wall and then she came behind me 
and started choking me and hitting me on the head," the 
boy said.

Police say Rivera then threw his bike in her van and 
forced him to get inside.

"She told me 'tell me the instructions to your house 
or I'll kill you,'" he said.

The fifth-grader says Rivera drove him home and then 
admitted to Baez what she had done.

"Even if my son called your daughter a name, you come and 
you tell me," Baez said. "You don't go and grab the child 
and try and kill him. You're an adult."

Baez called the school to see what had happened and school 
officials told her they were notifying police and the 
Department of Children and Families.

Rivera was charged with battery and kidnapping, and bonded 
out of the Orange County Jail on Friday. No one answered 
the door when Local 6 stopped by.

Baez says her son is doing fine physically, but the 
emotional trauma has taken its toll. She says he's 
having trouble eating and sleeping.

"I'm actually scared she might come back for me, for 
calling the police," said the fifth-grader.

For now, Baez says, her son will be getting rides 
to and from school.


Tech Support Pits
From: Richard
Re: Chrome history of tabs

Dear Webby
How do I get a history of my tabs in Chrome?
Thanks
Richard


Dear Richard
CTRL H will give you a raw history.
However, I would recommend you get the "Session Buddy"
extension. It gives you an easier to manage history. 
It is free at
Session Buddy

Have FUN!
DearWebby
______________________________________________________

If you can help with the  cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!







______________________________________________________


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Gift Wrapping
Save and use maps, patterns, sheet music, comic strips or 
even wallpaper or fabric to wrap your gifts. We use brown 
kraft paper and draw or stamp holiday designs, paw prints or 
babies hand prints on to it to personalize it. Some folks 
add a copy of a photo as their name tags (which is cute 
especially so kids can hand out gifts).
You may decorate a simple wrap with pine or holly sprigs 
or pine cones and tie it up with rustic twine, yarn or 
inexpensive white and red string for a natural looking 
gift wrapping.
Remember to shred used wrapping paper for stuffing boxes 
or baskets. So pretty! If mailing a gift you may use 
newspaper shredded if needed rather than buying 
packing peanuts in some cases!
By Dee [175]

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential
employee's application and notices that the man has never
worked in retail before.

He says to the man, "For a man with no experience, you are
certainly asking for a high wage."

"Well Sir," the applicant replies, "the work is so much harder
when you don't know what you're doing!"

______________________________________________________

RULES OF THE OFFICE
** If it rings, put it on hold;
** If it clanks, call the repairman;
** If it whistles, ignore it;
** If it's a friend, take a break;
** If it's the boss, look busy;
** If it talks, take notes;
** If it's handwritten, type it;
** If it's typed, copy it;
** If it's copied, email and file it;
** If it's Friday, forget it!






 Bora Bora




Today in 
1777 To annoy England, France recognized American independence. 
1791 A traffic regulation in New York City established the first 
 street to go "One Way." 
1830 South American patriot Simon Bolivar died in Colombia. 
1895 George L. Brownell received a patent for his paper-twine
 machine. 
1903 The first successful gasoline-powered airplane flight 
 took place near Kitty Hawk, NC. Orville and Wilbur Wright 
 made the flight. 
1939 The German pocket battleship Graf Spee was scuttled 
 by its crew, bringing the World War II Battle of the 
 Rio de la Plata off Uruguay to an end. 
1944 The U.S. Army announced the end of its policy of 
 excluding Japanese-Americans from the West Coast which 
 ensured that Japanese-Americans were released from 
 detention camps. 
1953 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) decided 
 to approve RCA’s color television specifications. 
1957 The United States successfully test-fired the Atlas 
 intercontinental ballistic missile for the first time. 
1969 The U.S. Air Force closed its Project "Blue Book" by 
 concluding that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial 
 spaceships behind thousands of UFO sightings. 
1973 Thirty-one people were killed at Rome airport when 
 Arab guerillas hijacked a German airliner. 
1975 Lynette Fromme was sentenced to life in prison for her 
 attempt on the life of U.S. President Ford. 
1976 WTCG-TV, Atlanta, GA, changed its call letters to WTBS, 
 and was uplinked via satellite. The station became the first 
 commercial TV station to cover the entire U.S. 
1978 OPEC decided to raise oil prices by 14.5% by the end 
 of 1979. 
1979 Arthur McDuffie, a black insurance executive, was fatally 
 beaten after a police chase in Miami, FL. Four white police 
 officers were later acquitted of charges stemming from 
 McDuffie's death. 
1986 Wayne "Danke Schoen" Newton won a $19.2 million suit 
 against NBC News. NBC had aired reports claiming a link 
 between Newton and mob figures. The reports were proven 
 to be false. 
1986 Davina Thompson became the world's first recipient 
 of a heart, lungs, and liver transplant. 
1986 Eugene Hasefus was pardoned and then released by Nicaragua. 
 He had been convicted of running guns to the Contras. 
1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, Canadian Prime Minister 
 Brian Mulroney and Mexican President Carlos Salinas de Gortari 
 signed the North American Free Trade Agreement. 
1992 Israel deported over 400 Palestinians to Lebanese territory 
 in an unprecedented mass expulsion of suspected militants. 
1996 Peruvian guerrillas took hundreds of people hostage at the 
 Japanese embassy in Lima. The siege ended on April 22, 1997, 
 with a commando raid that resulted in the deaths of all the 
 rebels, two commandos and one hostage. 
1997 U.S. President Clinton signed the No Electronic Theft Act. 
 The act removed protection from individuals who claimed that they 
 took no direct financial gains from stealing copyrighted works 
 and downloading them from the Internet. 
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush ordered the Pentagon to have 
 ready for use within two years a system for protecting American 
 territory, troops and allies from ballistic missile attacks. 
2002 McDonald's Corp. warned that they would report its first 
 quarterly loss in its 47-year history. 
2002 Congo's government, opposition parties and rebels signed 
 a peace agreement that ended four years of civil war. 
2014  smiled.

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---

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, December 16

Some of the things you can do in Canada

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Texan mother, who stashed body of daughter in fridge
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1850 The first immigrant ship, the Charlotte Jane, arrived 
 at Lyttleton, New Zealand. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Most advances in science come when a person for one reason 
or another is forced to change fields.
--- Peter Borden

Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, 
for the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest 
man can answer.
--- Charles Caleb Colton (1780 - 1832)

______________________________________________________

 Larry goes to see his travel agent.

 "Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?"
 "Yes, but I need to ask for something different."

 "Go ahead ask me."
 "You know last year you suggested Hawaii and when
I returned my wife was pregnant."

 "Yes, but. . ."
 "And the year before you suggested Bermuda and when
I returned my wife was pregnant."

 "Yes, but. . ."
 "And the year before that I went to Bali and when
I returned my wife was pregnant."

 "Yes."
 "Well! Could you suggest something cheaper this year
so that  I can bring her with me?"

______________________________________________________

Heard on Southwest Airlines, just after a very hard landing in
Salt Lake City: The flight  attendant came on the intercom and
said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y'all are thinking.
I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the
pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault . . .
it was the asphalt!"
______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture
Candy Cane Sorrel (Oxalis versicolor) 

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to


Amber Keyes,
35
Houston
TX

Charged After Daughter's Body 
Found In Fridge

A Houston mother has been charged with neglect after her 
9-year-old daughter's body was discovered stuffed inside 
a refrigerator.

Amber Keyes is being held Wednesday on a charge of injury 
to a child-serious bodily injury. The 35-year-old Keyes 
hasn't been charged with killing her daughter, Ayahna 
Comb, but Houston police say the neglect charge is linked 
to her death.

Ayahna weighed 14 pounds (9 year old!) when some children 
looking for food found her body in Keyes' refrigerator. 
An autopsy determined Ayahna, who had cerebral palsy, 
died of malnutrition and dehydration.

Keyes says she found Ayahna unresponsive but couldn't revive 
her, so she wrapped the girl in a blanket and stashed her 
in the fridge.

Bond is set at $50,000.

Tech Support Pits
From: Jon
Re: Recover lost Chrome tabs

Dear Webby
When my computer did that rude reboot, after it restarted
it opened Chrome trying to update Adobe, or finish the
aborted update, that had been kaiboshed by the bad Windows
update on the 10th. 
And all my open tabs were gone!
How do I get them back?
Jon


Dear Jon
Have not heard from you in many years!
Hope you are well!

Hit CTRL T and they pop up again. 
You might have to hit CTRL T more than once to get all of 
them back.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seem to go hand in   
hand these days. I wasn't surprised when one of my   
daughter's friends showed me a delicate little Japanese   
symbol on her hip. "Please don't tell my parents," she   
begged.   

"I won't" I promised. "By the way, what does that stand   
for?"   

"Honesty," she said.  


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Easy Egg Salad for Sandwiches
Next time you are cooking scrambled eggs, cook a double 
quantity and leave half to cool. These can then be mashed 
with your preferred mayonnaise and freshly ground black 
pepper to taste. It saves all the palaver of shelling 
boiled eggs, and is easier to mix into the bargain. I 
normally scramble my eggs with salted butter - if you 
prefer to use only skimmed milk, you may wish to add 
salt. If I am not planning to use the sandwich filling 
immediately, I will usually store in the fridge for 
up to three days, covered with cling film.
By Verity Pink [18]

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

>From Kim
We purchased an old home in Northern New York State from   
two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I   
was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If   
they could live here all those years, so can we!" my   
husband confidently declared.   

One November night the temperature plunged to below zero,   
and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost.   
My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept   
the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he   
hung up.   

"For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to   
Florida for the winter."  

______________________________________________________

On a Continental Flight with sme very "senior" flight
attendants crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen,
we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down
the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance
the appearance of your flight attendants."






  Ornate Dragons




Today in 
1653 Oliver Cromwell became lord protector of England, 
 Scotland and Ireland. 
1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor 
 off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots 
 were disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation 
 without representation and the monopoly the government 
 granted to the East India Company. 
1809 Napoleon Bonaparte was divorced from the Empress 
 Josephine by an act of the French Senate. 
1835 In New York, 530 buildings were destroyed by fire. 
1838 The Zulu chief Dingaan was defeated by a small force 
 of Boers at Blood River celebrated in South Africa as 
 'Dingaan's Day'. 
1850 The first immigrant ship, the Charlotte Jane, arrived 
 at Lyttleton, New Zealand. 
1916 Gregory Rasputin, the monk who had wielded powerful 
 influence over the Russian court, was murdered by a group 
 of noblemen. 
1940 French Premier Petain arrested Pierre Laval after 
 learning of a plan for Laval to seize power and set up 
 a new government with German support. 
1944 During World War II, the Battle of the Bulge began 
 in Belgium. It was the final major German 
 counteroffensive in the war. 
1950 U.S. President Truman proclaimed a national state of 
 emergency in order to fight "Communist imperialism." 
1960 A United Air Lines DC-8 and a TWA Super Constellation 
 collided over New York City, killing 134 people. 
1973 O.J. Simpson broke Jim Brown’s single-season rushing 
 record in the NFL. Brown had rushed for 1,863 yards, while 
 Simpson attained 2,003 yards.
1985 Reputed organized-crime chief Paul Castellano was shot 
 to death outside a New York City restaurant. 
1990 Jean-Bertrand Aristide, a leftist priest, was elected 
 president in Haiti's first democratic elections. 
1996 Britain's agriculture minister announced the slaughter 
 of an additional 100,000 cows thought to be at risk of 
 contracting BSE in an effort to persuade the EU to lift 
 its ban on Britain. 
1998 The U.S. and Britain fired hundreds of missiles on Iraq 
 in response to Saddam Hussein's refusal to comply with 
 U.N. weapons inspectors. 
1998 Eric Michelman filed the earliest patent for a scroll 
 wheel for a computer mouse. 
1999 Torrential rains and mudslides in Venezuela left 
 thousands of people dead and forced at least 120,000 to 
 leave their homes. 
2000 Researchers announced that information from NASA's 
 Galileo spacecraft indicated that Ganymede appeared to 
 have a liquid saltwater ocean beneath a surface of solid 
 ice. Ganymede, a moon of Jupiter, is the solar system's 
 largest moon. The discovery is considered important 
 since water is a key ingredient for life. 
2000 U.S. President-elect George W. Bush selected Colin 
 Powell to be the first African-American secretary of state. 
 Powell was sworn in January 20, 2001. 
2001 In Tora Bora, Afghanistan, tribal fighters announced 
 that they had taken the last al-Quaida positions. More than 
 200 fighters were killed and 25 captured. They also 
 nnounced that they had found no sign of Osama bin Laden. 
2001 Cuba received the first commercial food shipment from 
 the United States in nearly 40 years. The shipment was sent 
 to help Cuba after Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba on November 
 4, 2001. 
2001 A British newspaper, The Observer, reported that a 
 notebook had been found at an al-Quaida training camp in 
 southern Afghanistan. The notebook contained a "blue print"
 for a bomb attack on London's financial district. 
2002 Canada ratified the Kyoto Protocol. The 1997 treaty 
 was aimed a reducing greenhouse gas emissions. 
2009 Astronomers discovered GJ1214b. It was the first-known 
 exoplanet on which water could exist.
2014  smiled.

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---

How to fix the bad Windows Update 

Monday, December 15, 2014, 08:56 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, December 15

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
NY teacher, who left her 3 kids alone while she went drinking.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1939 "Gone With the Wind," produced by David O. Selznick 
 based on the novel by Margaret Mitchell, premiered at Loew's 
 Grand Theater in Atlanta. The movie starred Vivien Leigh 
 and Clark Gable. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. 
He may not seem such a good friend after telling.
--- Arthur Brisbane

A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be
accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears
into something he can understand.
--- Bertrand Russell

______________________________________________________

>From Dr Bill
similar tale of minister doing funeral for the town reprobate; 
AFTER the usual liturgcal stuff  he said "can;t say much 
about old Zeke except he did half of what Jesus did.

The congregation was a littltle shaken to hear that and after 
internment a deacon was delegated to ask about it, after all, 
most foks would be overwhelmemed if they did a tenth of 
one percent.

The minister replied, "it's only logical -- 
Jesus went about doing good -- old Zeke just went about!"

______________________________________________________

>From Elsienore
DearWebby, I need that joke of the little brat hiding.
The clean one, not the one where he is blackmailing.
E

Hi Elsinore
Here it is:
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees
about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.

He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a
child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a
youngster the boss asked, Is your Daddy home?

"Yes", whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy
there?"

"Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "no."

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left
home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with
the person who should be there watching over the child.

"Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman.

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the
boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what? asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered
answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like
a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice.

What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team
just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the
boss asked, "Why are they there?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled
giggle: "They're looking for me."

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture
Chinese Lantern (Physalis alkekengi) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to


Laura Aguero-Dupla, 
35,
Brooklyn
NY

Teacher left kids home all night 
to go drinking and get tattoo

A middle school teacher in Brooklyn is being accused of 
endangering her three children by leaving them home all 
night while she went out drinking and to get a tattoo.

Laura Aguero-Dupla, 35, allegedly went out Wednesday night 
with her husband, Alfredo Bobe, 41, and left her children, 
ages 4, 5 and 12 by themselves until early the next morning.

While out on the town, Aguero-Dupla got a tattoo at a 
Lower East Side parlor and then went to a bar for 
"Whiskey Wednesday" event, the New York Post reports.
At some point during their date night, Aguero-Dupla and 
Bobe got into a fight, and he stormed off back home 
around 2 a.m. Thursday morning.

However, he didn't have his keys, so he punched out a glass 
panel on the front door.

The shattering glass woke up neighbors who called 911, the 
York Daily News reports.

Police arrived to find Aguero pacing outside the building 
while Bobe was inside the apartment.

The couple was arrested after police learned the kids 
had been left home alone for hours, according to WPIX-TV.
Aguero-Dupla was charged with three counts of endangering 
the welfare of a child, while Bobe was charged with 
acting in a manner injurious to a child.

In addition, Aguero-Dupla has been removed from her 
classroom at Middle School 88 in Sunset Park.

This isn't the first time the couple has been in trouble 
with the law.
The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: How to uninstall the bad Windows Update?

Dear Webby
I too run Windows 7 and I feel that the referenced update was 
'automatically' installed.  How do I confirm? I've checked for 
'current updates' and none are listed. I suspect it is installed 
since I'm having difficulties with Ancestry.com.  But when I use 
Chrome, Ancestry works fine.  Is there a way to 'un-install' the 
troublesome update?  Then what and where do I check to ensure I 
don't have any additional updates automatically installed?  
Which box should I check mark going forward. 
Keep it simple for us amateurs. 

Merry Christmas 

Frank


Dear Frank
Chrome seems to be using a hard coded Flash player instead of the
Java Run Time Unit, that Microsoft sabotaged, and is therefore
immune against this particular Taliban sabotage. 

If you noticed anything abnormal with
Windows Defender
Flash Player
FireFox
Decompressing files
Get an 8004ff91 error
Problems installing updates to anything,

then the Taliban has hit you.

However, apparently the people in Redmond, Washington, have
been told about it, and have frowned upon the evildoers,
and a patch to fix the botched patch has been issued from
the Throne.

They claim the new update is OK.
You can download and install the new KB3024777 update. It will 
uninstall the previous, faulty update and fix all the problems 
listed above. 

If you don't quite trust them and just want to get rid of the
bad update, you can also perform a manual uninstall by navigating 
to Control Panel > Programs > Programs and Features > 
View Installed Updates, and then right-clicking on 
KB3004394
and selecting Uninstall.

You can get the fix from
http://www.microsoft.com/en-us/download/details.aspx?id=45305

To turn off automatic updates, 
open Windows Update by clicking the Start button 
In the search box, type Update, and then, in the list of results, 
click Windows Update.

In the left pane, click Change settings.
Turn them all off.

If you have other programs. like for example McAfee, tracking updates, 
you have to turn them off there too. However, those are usually quite 
civilized and always give you the option to select and deselct 
individual updates.

Before and especially after running the 777 fix, save everything
every few minutes. Expect a rude, catastrophic reboot without
any chance to say NO or to save even one file. Just BOOM. Blue
BIOS screen, and gone. It won't happen immediately, might not 
be for a couple of hours. It's no big deal, you probably should 
do your monthly reboot anyway. It WOULD be a big deal, though, 
if you have a work in progress and not saved!

After that catastrophic reboot suddenly the sabotaged updates,
for example for Java or Adobe Flash, will start up on their own
and proceed as if nothing bad had ever happened. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










A man and woman are having marriage problems, and decide
to end their union after a very short time together.

After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple goes
to court to finalize their break-up.

The judge asks the husband, "What has brought you to the
point that you are now at, where you are not able to keep
this marriage together?"

The husband says, "In the six weeks we've been together,
we haven't been able to agree on one thing."

The wife yelled, "Six and a half weeks, you idiot!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Christmas Cards
To save time year after year, save all Christmas cards 
received and start an electronic database on your computer. 
Then print out all address labels and use pinking shears or 
decorative scissors to cut the labels out into charming shapes 
to place on your Christmas card envelopes from now on! Makes 
it so much easier! Consider inviting friends over to 'CARD POOL' 
and address cards together with some wine and cheese and music 
for a good time to get in the holiday spirit.
By Dee

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

The US has succeeded in building a computer able to solve
any strategic or tactical problem.

Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine
and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it.
They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and
then ask the pivotal question:

Attack or Retreat?

The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up
with the answer:
YES.

The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied.
Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer:
YES WHAT?

Instantly the computer responded:

YES SIR.

______________________________________________________

An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a
young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal.

"Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked
a friend.

"Your chances are better," said the friend,
"if you tell her you're 90 and have a bad heart."






  Ornate Dragons




Today in 
1654 A meteorological office established in Tuscany began 
 recording daily temperature readings. Al Gore ignored those, 
 because they are mere facts.
1840 Napoleon Bonaparte's remains were interred in 
 Les Invalides in Paris, having been brought from St. Helena, 
 where he died in exile. 
1854 In Philadelphia, the first street cleaning machine was 
 put into use. 
1877 Thomas Edison patented the phonograph. 
1890 American Sioux Indian Chief Sitting Bull and 11 other 
 tribe members were killed in Grand River, SD, during an 
 incident with Indian police working for the U.S. government. 
1939 "Gone With the Wind," produced by David O. Selznick 
 based on the novel by Margaret Mitchell, premiered at Loew's 
 Grand Theater in Atlanta. The movie starred Vivien Leigh 
 and Clark Gable. 
1944 A single-engine plane carrying U.S. Army Major Glenn 
 Miller disappeared in thick fog over the English Channel 
 while en route to Paris. 
1944 American forces invaded Mindoro Island in the Philippines. 
1944 Dr. R. Townley Paton and a small group of doctors laid 
 the groundwork for the Eye-Bank for Sight Restoration. 
1961 Former Nazi official Adolf Eichmann was sentenced to death 
 in Jerusalem by an Israeli court. He had been tried on charges 
 for organizing the deportation of Jews to concentration camps. 
1961 The U.N. General Assembly voted against a Soviet proposal 
 to admit Communist China as a member. 
1964 Canada's House of Commons approved a newly designed flag 
 thereby dropping the Canadian "Red Ensign" flag. 
1965 Two U.S. manned spacecraft, Gemini 6 and Gemini 7, 
 maneuvered within 10 feet of each other while in orbit around the Earth. 
1966 Walter Elias "Walt" Disney died in Los Angeles at the age of 65. 
1970 The Soviet probe Venera 7 became the first spacecraft to 
 land softly on the surface of Venus. The probe only survived 
 the extreme heat and pressure for about 23 minutes and transmitted 
 the first data received on Earth from the surface of another planet. 
1973 J. Paul Getty III was found in southern Italy after being held 
 captive for five months, during which his right ear was cut off 
 and sent to a newspaper in Rome. 
1978 U.S. President Carter announced he would grant diplomatic 
 recognition to Communist China on New Year's Day and sever 
 official relations with Taiwan. 
1979 The former shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, left the 
 United States for Panama. He had gone to the U.S. for medical 
 treatment on October 22, 1979. 
1979 In a preliminary ruling, the International Court of Justice 
 ordered Iran to release all hostages that had been taken at 
 the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. 
1982 Gibraltar's frontier with Spain was opened to pedestrian 
 use after 13 years. 
1983 The last 80 U.S. combat soldiers in Grenada withdrew. It was 
 just over seven weeks after the U.S.-led invasion of the 
 Caribbean island. 
1992 IBM announced it would eliminate 25-thousand employees 
 in the coming year. 
1992 El Salvador's government and leftist guerrilla leaders 
 formally declared the end of the country's 12-year civil war. 
1995 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to take over the 
 peacekeeping operations in Bosnia. 
1995 French rail workers voted to end a three-week-old strike. 
1996 Boeing Co. announced plans to pay $13.3 billion to acquire 
 rival aircraft manufacturer McDonnell Douglas Corp. 
1999 Syria reopened peace talks with Israel in Washington, DC, 
 with the mediation of U.S. President Clinton. 
2000 The Chernobyl atomic power plant in Kiev, Ukraine, was shut down. 
2000 New York Senator-elect Hillary Rodham Clinton agreed to accept an 
 $8 million book deal with Simon & Schuster. The book was to be about 
 her eight years in the White House. The advance was the highest ever 
 to be paid to a member of the U.S. Congress. 
2001 It was announced that Siena Heights University would begin offering 
 a class called "Animated Philosophy and Religion." The two-credit class 
 would cover how religion and philosophy are part of popular culture and 
 is based on the television series "The Simpsons."
2014  smiled.

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Which Windows update is bad? 

Sunday, December 14, 2014, 12:03 PM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, December 14

If you haven't been out late last night to watch the 
Geminid meteor shower, you got another chance tonight.
Give yourself ten minutes for your eyes to adjust, 
and then enjoy the show. They are coming in at about 
100 per hour. No special equipment needed, just a 
warm coat and a thermos cup full of coffee.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
a Florida man who assaulted woman who 
suggested anger management class
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1903 Orville Wright made the first attempt at powered flight. 
 The engine stalled during take-off and the plane was damaged 
 in the attempt. Three days later, after repairs were made, 
 the modern aviation age was born when the plane stayed aloft 
 for 12 seconds and flew 102 feet. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture 
they do not understand, but the passages that bother 
me are those I do understand.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything 
in nature has a function.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________

Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye
to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here
lies only the shell--the nut has gone!"

______________________________________________________

>From Nat
When we put our house up for sale, I stressed
emphatically that my sons make their beds each
morning.

I left for work before they left for school, and I
wanted to be sure that the house looked presentable
when the agent showed it to prospective buyers.
I was surprised and impressed that my 15-year-old
son's bed was perfectly made each day.
One night when I went into his room, I discovered
his secret.

He was fast asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag.

______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture

______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to


George Robert Pineda
44
Ocala
Florida

Pineda Assaulted Woman Who 
Suggested Anger Management Class

OCALA, Fla. (AP) — Police in central Florida say a man faces 
domestic battery charges after assaulting a woman during a 
discussion about anger management classes.

The incident happened Tuesday night in a motel room in Ocala.

The Ocala Star-Banner reports the 53-year-old woman and 
44-year-old George Robert Pineda were discussing their 
futures while consuming alcohol.

According to police, the woman mentioned that Pineda should 
take anger management classes. She told police he then 
started screaming profanities at her, grabbed her neck and 
choked her. She says she eventually pushed him away and 
when he fell asleep, she ran out and called police.

Police say she had scratch marks on her neck. Pineda denied 
touching the woman and was taken to jail.

Court records show he has several convictions, including 
aggravated battery.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Jaxs
Re: Which Windows Update is bad?

Dear Webby
Thanks for a GREAT SITE!!
 
I run Windows 7, I have gotten an update with my auto update, 
it installed ok but really messed upped my computer. I can no 
longer make folders just briefcases, all my desk icons went to 
800/600 pix. I did a restore everything went back to normal 
until it updated again.  can you find out which update is 
causing this?
Thanks
jaxs 


Dear Jaxs
Update KB3004394 is the bad one.
Restore to before that, and turn Automatic updating off.

One of the evil things it does is ignore what you have 
check-marked for updating. For example, if you 
deliberately took the checkmark off Skype, because 
you don't want the pufter version, it will put it 
on anyway.

Until further notice, avoid all Microsoft 
updates.

Apparently one group was sabotaging the victims and adding 
stuff, that nobody wanted, another group was trying to reduce 
the sabotage so as not to interfere with the Christmas time 
advertising revenue, and a third group pushed out the update, 
before the other two groups were finished with their evil deeds.

What is really complicating things is that not everybody got
hit with the same sabotage. Apparently a bunch of different 
stages of sabotage went out, each requiring a different fix.

The result crippled Windows and won't allow normal decompression.
Most updates of just about anything, not just Windows, arrive in
compressed format, are uncompressed on your machine and then 
installed.

That means ALL updates and fixes will have to be shipped in 
long format. That is not really a big problem if you have 25 Mbps 
DSL or cable, but will cause major hassles if you have 14 Kbps 
dial-up.

Right now, for example, if you use FireFox, it's Java part
got sabotaged, 
and you can not decompress an update.

Eventually the good people at Java will make a long version
available. Until then, you will just have to switch to
Chrome if you want to listen to AccuRadio or watch movies.

If you haven't gotten hit with Microsoft's KB3004394 Christmas 
gift, turn off automatic updates, and don't update ANYTHING
until further notice.

Microsofts 2014 Christmas gift is a definite dud.
Feel free to tell them!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three
sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest
boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the
youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty
of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.

Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and
drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17,
making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the
second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got
one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle,
having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove
home.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Look for Early Editions of Encyclopaedia Britannica
Hi, for everyone asking questions as to the value of 
Encyclopaedia Britannica sets, the basic guideline is that 
the 1st up until the 8th Editions have great collector 
values, defined by condition. The 9th and 10th Editions are 
so numerous that they are of small value; up to maybe $3-500 
in good condition. Anything after the 11th, 12th, 13th 
(1910-1928) is basically worthless.
By mrmima [1]

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist
as the cop handed him a speeding ticket.

"Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you
get to buy a bicycle."

______________________________________________________

The young lady walked over to the hospital room where she
knew her friend was. "May I see Irving, please?" she asked
the woman blocking the door.

"We don't allow anyone but relatives to see the patients,"
replied the woman. "Are you a member of the family?"

"Why-er-why, yes.  I'm his sister," said the lady.

"Oh, I'm so glad to meet you," said the woman.
"I'm his mother!






 Christmas Lanterns:




Today in 
1503 Physician, astrologer and clairvoyant Nostradamus was 
 born at St. Remy, Provence, France. 
1798 David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and 
 bolt machine. 
1900 Professor Max Planck of Berlin University revealed his 
 revolutionary Quantum Theory. 
1903 Orville Wright made the first attempt at powered flight. 
 The engine stalled during take-off and the plane was damaged 
 in the attempt. Three days later, after repairs were made, 
 the modern aviation age was born when the plane stayed aloft 
 for 12 seconds and flew 102 feet. 
1911 Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first man 
 to reach the South Pole. He reached the destination 35 days 
 ahead of Captain Robert F. Scott. 
1939 The Soviet Union was dropped from the League of Nations. 
1959 Archbishop Makarios was elected Cyprus' first president. 
1962 The U.S. space probe Mariner II approached Venus. It 
 transmitted information about the planet's atmosphere and 
 surface temperature. 
1975 Six South Moluccan terrorists surrendered to police 
 after holding 23 people hostage for 12 days on a train 
 near the Dutch town of Beilen. 
1981 Israel annexed the Golan Heights, seized from Syria 
 in war in 1967. 
1983 The U.S. battleship New Jersey fired on Syrian 
 positions in Lebanon for the first time after American 
 F-14 reconnaissance flights were fired on. 
1986 The experimental aircraft Voyager, piloted by Dick 
 Rutan and Jeana Yeager, took off from California on the 
 first non-stop, non-refueled flight around the world. 
 The trip took nine days to complete. 
1987 Chrysler pled no contest to federal charges of selling 
 several thousand vehicles as new when Chrysler employees 
 had driven the vehicles with the odometer disconnected. 
1988 The first transatlantic underwater fiber-optic cable 
 went into service. 
1993 A judge in Colorado struck down the state's voter-approved 
 Amendment Two prohibiting gay rights laws, calling it 
 unconstitutional. 
1995 AIDS patient Jeff Getty received the first-ever bone-marrow 
 transplant from a baboon. 
1997 Iran's newest president, Mohammad Khatami, called for a 
 dialogue with the people of the United States. The preceding 
 Iranian leaders had reviled the U.S. as "The Great Satan." 
1997 Cuban President Fidel Castro declared Christmas 1997 an 
 official holiday to ensure the success of Pope John Paul II's 
 upcoming visit to Cuba. 
1999 U.S. and German negotiators agreed to establish a $5.2 
 billion fund for Nazi-era slave and forced laborers. 
1999 Charles M. Schulz announced he was retiring the "Peanuts" 
 comic strip. The last original "Peanuts" comic strip was 
 published on February 13, 2000. 
2000 It was announced that American businessman Edmond Pope 
 would be released from a Russian prison for humanitarian 
 reasons. Pope had been sentenced to 20 years in prison after 
 his conviction on espionage charges. 
2001 European Union leaders agreed to dispatch 3,000-4,000 
 troops to join an international peacekeeping force in 
 Afghanistan. 
2001 The first commercial export, since 1963, of U.S. food to 
 Cuba began. The 24,000 metric tons for corn were being sent 
 to replenish what was lost when Hurricane Michelle struck 
 on November 4. 
2013 The Chinese spacecraft Chang'e 3 became the first spacecraft 
 to "soft"-land on the Moon since 1976. It was only the third 
 robotic rover to land on the moon. 
2014  smiled.

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Bad Microsoft Update 

Saturday, December 13, 2014, 11:05 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Three Grinches Nabbed For 
Stealing Items From "Toys For Needy 
Children" Donation Box
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left 
 Plymouth, England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of 
 the globe. The journey took almost three years. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________


If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!









It is far more impressive when others discover your 
good qualities without your help.
--- Judith Martin,
______________________________________________________

>From Robert
I'm a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for
visually impaired adults.

Many participants have a condition known as macular
degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish 
facial features.
         
I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing
myself.

Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me
well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, 
I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul Newman 
and Robert Redford."

Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!"

______________________________________________________

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his
home.  In the den was a stuffed lion.  The visiting hunter asked,
"when did you bag him?"

The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting
with my wife and her mother."

"What's he stuffed with?" asked the visiting hunter.

"My mother-in-law"
______________________________________________________



Click through for the big picture
______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!

______________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to


Deandra Cooke, 18; Lacinda Granado-Overton, 25; 
and Tarica Wright, 26
Aledo, Illinois

Three Grinches Nabbed For 
Stealing Items From "Toys For Needy 
Children" Donation Box


A trio of women is facing theft charges for allegedly swiping 
items from a “Toys for Needy Children” donation box outside 
a Walmart in Illinois.

According to cops in Aledo, the women stole the toys last 
night from a box that was placed in front of the retailer by 
a local Jaycees organization. The group distributes the 
collected toys to several hundred children in Mercer County, 
which is just south of the Quad Cities area.

Police arrested Deandra Cooke, 18; Lacinda Granado-Overton, 
25; and Tarica Wright, 26, in connection with the toy thefts. 
They were each hit with a felony theft charge and booked into 
county jail.

All three defendants have previously been arrested for theft, 
according to court records.

Pictured above, Cooke (left), Granado-Overton (center), and Wright 
(right) remain in the Mercer County lockup, where bond has not 
been set, according to a jail official.

The link to  Mail Washer is here! 
Tech Support Pits
From: Eddie
Re: Windows 7 users urged to uninstall broken update 
that wreaks havoc on software

Dear Webby
Is the currebt Microsoft update really bad?
Eddie


Dear Eddie
Yes, it is.
Skip it.
Windows 7 users may have automatically updated themselves 
into a pickle with a recent patch from Microsoft.
Microsoft has confirmed that the KB3004394 update it 
issued on December 10 can cause various problems. What's 
worse is that it may also prevent users from installing 
newer updates. The problems are reportedly limited to 
Windows 7 machines, and don't affect users running Windows XP.

Although Microsoft didn't specify all the problems users 
have been experiencing, AMD's Robert Hallock said the update 
can prevent the system from installing new graphics drivers
—which is particularly troublesome as AMD's feature-stuffed 
new Catalyst Omega drivers launched the same day the borked 
Windows update rolled out. According to Infoworld, users 
on Microsoft's support forums have pointed out a litany of 
other issues, including failure to launch Windows Defender, 
problems with running VirtualBox and strange errors from 
User Account Control.

If you have not done the December 10 update, skip it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the  cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!










A guy took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into
a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told
me to say no to everything."

"Well," he said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?"

"Uhhh . . . no," the girl replied.

"Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?"

"N-n-no," the girl stammered.

"You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lot of fun if
you're on the level about this."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Inexpensive But Thoughtful Gifts 
Here are a few of my ideas for inexpensive but thoughtful 
gifts. A box of chocolates with a homemade card that says 
you're just too sweet for words.
Give out cards with homemade coupons for neighbors, like 
one free night of babysitting, etc. depending on the needs 
of the person you're giving it to. Buy a tea towel and dish 
rag with a tag that says enjoy your new washer and dryer.
Family theme boxes, for movie night add a movie, popcorn 
packages, and 2 litre of pop. You can do car wash baskets 
with items from dollar store like sponges, cleaning fluid, 
wax, etc. Use your imagination. Chocolate boxes with coffee 
mug, various chocolates, a book, and book mark, maybe a candle.

By Tracy C. from Brockville, Ontario 

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request. 
______________________________________________________

On their cross-country road trip, a couple stopped for lunch
at a roadside cafe in the southwest. They sat down at the
counter and ordered coffee. While they were looking at the
menu, a cowboy approached the counter, swung his long
leg over the stool beside them and farted loudly.

The tourist jump up and cried, "Sir, how dare you fart like
that so rudely - before my wife!"

The cowboy immediately jumped off the stool, bowed and
tipped his stetson toward the woman. "Shucks, ma'am, I'm
awfully sorry," he said.
"But how was I supposed to know we was taking turns"

______________________________________________________

Two priests and a rabbi are playing poker in the park.
Suddenly, a police officer approaches the trio and
asks the first priest, "Father, were you gambling?"

 The padre glances skyward and mumbles,
"Forgive me, Jesus," then turns to the officer and says,
"No, my son, I was not gambling."

 The lawman then turns to the second priest and asks him if
he was gambling.

 The priest looks toward Heaven and says under his breath,
"Forgive me, Jesus," then tells the officer,
"No, my son, I was not gambling."

 The policeman then turns to the rabbi and says,
"Rabbi, were you gambling?"

 The rabbi looks from one priest to the other, then turns to the
officer and asks, "With who?"






 Christmas Train




Today in 
1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left 
 Plymouth, England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of 
 the globe. The journey took almost three years. 
1636 The United States National Guard was created when 
 militia regiments were organized by the General Court of 
 the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 
1642 New Zealand was discovered by Dutch navigator Abel Tasman. 
1809 The first abdominal surgical procedure was performed in 
 Danville, KY, on Jane Todd Crawford. The operation was 
 performed without an anesthetic. 
1816 John Adamson received a patent for a dry dock. 
1862 In America, an estimated 11,000 Northern soldiers were 
 killed or wounded when Union forces were defeated by Confederates 
 under General Robert E. Lee, at the Battle of Fredericksburg. 
1883 The border between Ontario and Manitoba was established. 
1884 Percy Everitt received a patent for the first coin-operated 
 weighing machine. 
1921 Britain, France, Japan and the United States signed the 
 Pacific Treaty. 
1937 Japanese forces took the Chinese city of Nanking (Nanjing). 
 An estimated 200,000 Chinese were killed over the next six weeks. 
 The event became known as the "Rape of Nanking." 
1944 During World War II, the U.S. cruiser Nashville was badly 
 damaged in a Japanese kamikaze suicide attack. 138 people were 
 killed in the attack. 
1964 In El Paso, TX, President Johnson and Mexican President 
 Gustavo Diaz Ordaz set off an explosion that diverted the 
 Rio Grande River, reshaping the U.S.-Mexican border. This 
 ended a century-old border dispute. 
1980 Three days after a disputed general election, Uganda’s 
 President Milton Obote was returned to office. 
1981 Authorities in Poland imposed martial law in an attempt 
 to crackdown on the Solidarity labor movement. Martial law 
 ended formally in 1983. 
1998 Puerto Rican voters rejected U.S. statehood in a 
 non-binding referendum. 
2000 Seven convicts, the "Texas 7," escaped from Connally 
 Unit in Kenedy, TX, southeast of San Antonio, by 
 overpowering civilian workers and prison employees. They 
 fled with stolen clothing, pickup truck and 16 guns 
 and ammunition. 
2001 The U.S. government released a video tape that showed 
 Osama bin Laden and others discussing their knowledge of 
 the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 
 11, 2001. 
2001 Israel severed all contact with Yasser Arafat. Israel 
 also launched air strikes and sent troops into Palestine 
 in response to a bus ambush that killed 10 Israelis. 
2001 Gunmen stormed the Indian Parliament and killed seven 
 people and injured 18. Security forces killed the attackers 
 during a 90-minute gunbattle. 
2001 NBC-TV announced that it would begin running hard liquor 
 commercials. NBC issued a 19-point policy that outlined the 
 conditions for accepting liquor ads. 
2014  smiled.

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