What is an Ezine 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 11

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drunk Florida woman, 61, clobbered hubby 
for sex refusal
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 11 in
1569 England's first state lottery was held.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off. --- Ellen DeGeneres Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. --- Thomas Szasz ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Liz When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy" "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your bum?" ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. Once an hour the nurses walked the patient in the hall, a nurses aide on each side with his arms over their sholders. Behind them the floor nurse stomped along, gesticulating with all kinds of fearsome devices and explaining just what kind of enema he would need if he stopped walking. After a week, the patient was ready to go home. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation but that they had been lucky to get him to the hospital in time. "But doctor, you don't understand," his daughter said, "Dad hasn't walked in over five years!" ______________________________________________________ Secret Waterfall, Japan ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kerry Lee Pineiro, 61, Seminole, Florida Drunk Florida woman, 61, clobbered hubby for sex refusal After her husband refused to have sex with her, a 61-year- old Florida woman punched her spouse in the face before twice kneeing him in the groin, according to police who arrested the woman for domestic battery. As detailed in a criminal complaint, a drunk Kerry Lee Pineiro last night clobbered her husband inside the couple’s condominium in Seminole. Pineiro, cops charge, became “upset” with the 60-year-old victim “after he would not have sex with her.” After punching her husband in the eye, Pineiro kneed him in the groin when he sought to keep her from driving away drunk from their home, investigators allege. Pineiro is also accused of kneeing her spouse in the groin a second time and then kneeing him in the thigh. When questioned by a cop, Pineiro said she had “zero story,” adding that she wanted to go to jail. En route to the county lockup, Pineiro, seen above in an old Facebook photo, denied striking her husband. Charged with domestic battery, a misdemeanor, Pineiro spent the night in jail before a judge released her today on her own recognizance. She has been ordered to wear a “continuous alcohol monitor” during the duration of her criminal case. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Trish Re: Ezine Dear Webby, Can you please tell me what Ezine means, I'm sure there are other people who also are not so knowledgeable on internet speak. Thanks a lot, Trish from Oz Dear Trish ezine is just short for Electronic magaZINE and means any newsletter that also has pictures and that you get via email or on the web. Have FUN! DearWebby
Human Resource Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Goldfish Shaped Mini Pizzas By lalala... [793 Posts, 103 Comments] Ingredients: Pillsbury Classic canned pizza dough pizza sauce cheddar cheese, grated sliced black olives goldfish cookie cutter, optional Steps: Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Dust counter with flour and unroll the pizza dough. Cut out the mini pizzas with the cookie cutter. Place the pizza onto a greased cookie sheet. Spoon some pizza sauce onto the pizzas and spread it out. Top them with cheese. Add an olive slice for the eye. Bake for 14-18 minutes or until the bottom of the pizza is light brown. I recommend checking them frequently towards the end, so that they don't overcook. Allow to cool on the pan for a few minutes, then enjoy!
The Man Song
____________________________________________________ At a diner, I was standing in line to pay my bill behind two women who handed the young waitress a credit card. After swiping the card, she loudly called out to her manager, "Mr. Allen, what do I do if it says 'reject'?" As the women's faces reddened and customers turned to look, Mr. Allen, also the cook, calmly walked out from the kitchen. "Well," he answered, the first thing you do is shout it out loud enough to embarrass the customer, who might have been thinking about leaving a tip for the cook. Next you go check and see if McDonalds will take you back." ____________________________________________________
What this man does with stone is unreal!
Three couples are in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says to the first couple, "Sorry, I can't let you in." "Why not?" asked the husband. "Because all the two of you ever cared about was drinking. You were either stone drunk or hung over. You didn't have a sober day in your marriage." said St. Peter. "That's not true!" pleaded the couple. "Really, now." said St. Peter. "What's your wife's name?" "Sherry", said the man "See, you even married a woman named after a drink!" said St. Peter just as he released a trap door, sending them straight down to hell. Then he a told the second couple they couldn't get in to Heaven, either. "Why not?" asked the second husband. "Because all you ever cared about was making money, and you didn't care how you did it. You would cheat anybody, anytime to make your fortune." said St. Peter. "You even cheated your own brothers and sisters out of their inheritance!" "That's not true!" pleaded the husband. "Oh, really?" queried St. Peter "What's your wife's name?" "Penny", said the husband. "See?" said St. Peter, "You even have wife named after money." At which point he released the trap door sending them down to hell. The third husband, grinning, said to his wife, "Well, Fanny, I'm sure glad we were not interested in booze or money!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 11
1569 England's first state lottery was held. 

1770 The first shipment of rhubarb was sent to the United
States from London. 

1867 Benito Juarez returned to the Mexican presidency,
following the withdrawal of French troops and the execution
of Emperor Maximilian. 

1878 In New York, milk was delivered in glass bottles for
the first time by Alexander Campbell. 

1902 "Popular Mechanics" magazine was published for the
first time. 

1913 The first sedan-type car was unveiled at the National
Automobile Show in New York City. The car was manufactured
by the Hudson Motor Company. 

1922 At Toronto General Hospital, Leonard Thompson became
the first person to be successfully treated with insulin. 

1935 Amelia Earhart Putnam became the first woman to fly
solo from Hawaii to California. 

1938 In Limerick, ME, Frances Moulton assumed her duties as
the first woman bank president. 

1942 Japan declared war against the Netherlands. The same
day, Japanese forces invaded the Dutch East Indies. 

1943 The United States and Britain signed treaties
relinquishing extraterritorial rights in China. 

1964 U.S. Surgeon General Luther Terry released a report
that said that smoking cigarettes was a definite health

1977 France released Abu Daoud, a Palestinian suspected of
involvement in the massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972
Munich Olympics. 

1978 Two Soviet cosmonauts aboard the Soyuz 27 capsule
linked up with the Salyut 6 orbiting space station, where
the Soyuz 26 capsule was already docked. 

1980 Nigel Short, age 14, from Bolton in Britain, became the
youngest International Master in the history of chess. 

1986 Author James Clavell signed a 5$ million deal with
Morrow/Avon Publishing for the book "Whirlwind". The book is
a 2,000 page novel. 

1988 U.S. Vice President George Bush met with
representatives of independent counsel Lawrence E. Walsh to
answer questions about the Iran-Contra affair. 

1991 An auction of silver and paintings that had been
acquired by the late Ferdinand Marcos and his wife, Imelda,
brought in a total of $20.29 million at Christie's in New

1996 Ryutaro Hashimoto become Japan's prime minister. He
replaced Tomiichi Murayama who had resigned on January 5,

2000 The merger between AOL and Time Warner was approved by
the U.S. government with restrictions. 

2000 The U.S. Postal Service unveiled the second Vietnam
Veterans Memorial commemorative stamp in a ceremony at The

2001 The Texas Board of Criminal Justice released a review
of the escape of the "Texas 7." It stated that prison staff
missed critical opportunities to prevent the escape by
ignoring a fire alarm, not reporting unsupervised inmates
and not demanding proper identification from inmates. 

2001 The U.S. Federal Trade Commission approved the merger
of America Online and Time Warner to form AOL Time Warner. 

2016  smiled.

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Bounced emails 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 10

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
North Carolina pastor arrested, charged with 
9 counts of robbery in string of heists 
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 10 in
1776 "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine was published.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously. --- Nicholas Butler Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. --- Robert Orben ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Father, passing through his son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window, "Whadoya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Just dump him on the front porch and we'll drag him in in the morning." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two dogs were walking down the street. One dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs a fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?" The dog first dog says, "Oh, I was just checking my pee-mail messages." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Thomas Lindsey, 47, Charlotte, N.C. North Carolina pastor arrested, charged with 9 counts of robbery in string of heists suspected to be drug-motivated Thou shalt not steal. A Charlotte, N.C. pastor put one of the 10 commandments on the backburner and was ultimately arrested Wednesday in connection to a number of armed robberies on local businesses. John Thomas Lindsey, 47, a pastor at True Love Church of Refuge, was charged with 9 counts of robbery with a dangerous weapon, 9 counts of conspiracy to commit robbery with a dangerous weapon and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, wsoctv.com reports. Lindsey allegedly robbed two 7-Eleven stores, a Family Dollar store, a Circle K and two Sam’s Marts. He’s suspected to have fired a shot inside a Family Dollar store back in October. Surveillance footage in the stores shows a person resembling Lindsey engaged in the robberies. Sources told WSOC that drugs are suspected to be the motive for the crimes. Police zeroed in on Lindsey after being led to him by a 24- year-old man named Fernando Carillo-Hernandez, who was arrested Tuesday and charged with three counts of robbery with a dangerous weapon and three counts of conspiracy to commit robbery with a dangerous weapon, according to WSOC. Carillo-Hernandez, who does not appear to be connected to True Love Church of Refuge, is allegedly responsible for robberies at Circle K locations. He also has a rap sheet that includes two drug-related convictions. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Delivery has changed Dear Webby, can you enlighten me on something? I have mailwasher pro..thank god...and lately I am getting some "delivery has changed" emails returned from addresses that I have not sent to and don't know...they do have part of my address in them....I think this may be nasty... now what???? Thanks my dear...Hugggs Ann Dear Ann Just spam. Probably somebody, who has you in their address book, has a nasty infection and got harvested. If you ARE in the habit of sending mails to yourself as a lazy way to keep notes, get into the habit of putting a special mark like ~ into the front of the subject line. Then make a filter in Mailwasher to dump all mail pretending to be from you, that does not have that ~, into the trash, automatically, unseen. You will never seen that crap again, but your ~ prefixed memos come through nicely. Have FUN! DearWebby
Human Resource Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gluten Free Potato Cakes By Litter Gitter [198 Posts, 638 Comments] Cook Time: approximately 15 minutes Total Time: approximately 20 minutes Yield: 3-6 servings Ingredients: 2 cups chilled creamed potatoes 1 Tbsp gluten free flour 1 egg bacon grease Steps: Mix flour with potatoes. Whisk egg. Stir egg into potato mixture. Place bacon grease in frying pan. Heat enough to cover the bottom of the pan well. Remove excess. Drop tablespoons of mixture into hot bacon drippings. Fry on medium heat until golden brown on each side. Serve hot. I am usually suspicious about supposedly gluten free flour, so I use simple instant mashed potatoes, which are basically just dried mashed potatoes, instead of flour. And naturally, I brown some fine cut onions in the bacon grease. That makes a HUGE improvement! The recipe is totally flexible. In season I chop some parsley or chives into it. A timid sprinkle of garlic powder is also nice, and of course salt and pepper. Have FUN! DearWebby
Janitor gets revenge when shoveling snow!
____________________________________________________ Suffering from a bad case of the flu, a man phoned his doctor to get an appointment. When he was told scheduled date of the appointment, he became outraged and bellowed, "Three weeks? The doctor can't see me for three weeks? I could well be dead by then!" Calmly, the receptionist replied, "If so, could you have your wife call to cancel the appointment?" ____________________________________________________
I love the little bonsai forests.
Just before the public viewing at a funeral parlor, a widow notices her deceased husband's hairpiece is flapping in the breeze caused by the air conditioner. "This won't do!" She orders the director to take care of the problem. He assures her that he will take care of it, if she'll just wait in the outer office for ten minutes. She leaves and comes back after exactly 600 seconds. Sure enough, her husband's hair is all in place. A month later, the widow is reviewing the bill for the funeral and she notices there was no charge for the hair problem. She calls to inquire as to why. She is told that it was "on the house." "Nonsense," she retorts, "you expended time and materials and I will compensate you for it. Now, give me a price!" "Ok, madam", the funeral director wearily agrees. He holds the phone away and hollers across the room, "Hey, Charlie, how much did those three nails cost to put that toupee in place last month?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 10
1776 "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine was published. 

1840 The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a
standard charge rather than paid for by the recipient, began
in Britain. 

1861 Florida seceded from the United States. 

1863 Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of
the London Underground Railway system, from Paddington to
Farringdon Street. 

1870 John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil. 

1901 Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near
Beaumont, TX. 

1911 Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from an
airplane while flying over San Diego, CA. 

1920 The League of Nations ratified the Treaty of
Versailles, officially ending World War I with Germany. 

1927 Fritz Lang's film "Metropolis" was first shown, in

1928 The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky. 

1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt sailed from Miami,
FL, to Trinidad thus becoming the first American President
to visit a foreign country during wartime. 

1943 The quiz show, "The Better Half," was heard for the
first time on Mutual Radio. 

1946 The first meeting of the United Nations General
Assembly took place with 51 nations represented. 

1951 Donald Howard Rogers piloted the first passenger jet on
a trip from Chicago to New York City. 

1978 The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a Soyuz
capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space laboratory.

1981 In El Salvador, Marxist insurgents launched a "final

1984 The United States and the Vatican established full
diplomatic relations for the first time in more than a

1990 Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing
after seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy
protests had saved China from "the abyss of misery." 

1990 Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a
$14 billion merger. The new company, Time Warner, was the
world's largest entertainment company. 

1994 In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She had
been charged with maliciously wounding her husband John. She
was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity. 

1997 Shelby Lynne Barrackman was strangled to death by her
grand-father when she licked the icing off of cupcakes. He
was convicted of the crime on September 15, 1998. 

2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy
America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever corporate
merger priced at $162 billion. The Federal Trade Commission
(FTC) approved the deal on December 14, 2000. 

2001 American Airlines agreed to acquire most of Trans World
Airlines (TWA) assets for about $500 million. The deal
brought an end to the financially troubled TWA. 

2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all
women could get the morning-after contraception pill for
free in pharmacies. 

2003 North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from the
global nuclear arms control treaty and that it had no plans
to develop nuclear weapons. 

2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.3 million feature
length films sold and 50 million television episodes sold.

2016  smiled.

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Desktop icon on W10 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, January 8

Thank you, Michael!

Thanks to the 40 who figured out how to vote! 
Top ranked again!

On Thursday, January 12, I have to go to Calgary again for
Lucentis injections through my eyeballs to the Macular, the
platform behind the retina. That means nothing gets sent
out on Friday, Saturday or Sunday.
And NO mail gets answered on those days.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested for hitting fiance 
with plank with nails in it
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 8 in
2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old
pyramid and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. --- Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - 2005) The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his right rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, he drops the spare onto the hub cap in which he was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something." Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid." --------------- Last time I ran this joke about five years ago, about a hundred people wrote me and told me that pretty well summed up why they worked where they did. I'm glad they are having fun! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cindy for reminding me of this one: An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of Expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Channel No. 5, $200 an ounce!" About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and trumpets a fart like the finale of an opera. Just before the elevator doors close behind her, she turns and whispers into the eyewatering fumes: "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound." ______________________________________________________ Panama Flower Market ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Enrevie Hinayon Bendejo, 25, Fernandina Beach, Florida Florida woman arrested for hitting fiance with plank with nails in it A Florida woman was arrested after authorities say she beat her boyfriend with a wooden plank with nails in it during an argument over an engagement ring. Enrevie Hinayon Bendejo, 25, was arrested Monday on a charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, the Nassau County Sheriff's Office said. Bendejo remained behind bars on $5,000 bond Thursday, jail records showed. No attorney information was immediately available. Deputies arrested Bendejo, of Fernandina Beach, after responding to reports of a fight between a man and a woman, The Florida Times-Union reported. When deputies arrived they found Bendejo walking away from the 26-year-old man carrying a plank with nails in one end which they ordered her to drop, the report said. Bendejo told the deputies she and the man had been engaged for about a week, and the man said they were arguing about the ring her gave her when he proposed, the report said. They were arguing when she picked up the plank and started hitting him then bit him on the arm and punched him in the face, according to the report. The man had red marks and bruises and a bite mark on his arm. The report did not say whether she was drunk or just evil. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Carol Re: Desktop icon Dear Webby, I put Accuradio on my computer and want to put an icon on my desktop for it so I won't have to go through y reading list to find it. It does not work the way it used to (right-click on internet address). Would you please tell me how it is done now in W10? As always, I appreciate your help and your Humor Letter. Thank you, Carol Dear Carol On the browser, I use Chrome, there is a tiny little icon to the left of the URL. Drag that onto the desktop. Simply double-click that, and Chrome will go there. Have FUN! DearWebby
Speaking of broccoli.... A couple are asleep in their beds late one night, when the wife thinks she hears a noise downstairs. She nudges her husband and whispers, "Wake up, wake up!" "What's the matter?" he asks. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the broccoli casserole I made tonight." "That'll teach them!" says the husband.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Oxi-Clean Materials a container with a lid 1 cup water 1/2 cup hydrogen peroxide 1/2 cup baking soda Keep a jar of this next to your laundry machine and let soak in the stains for 15 minutes to overnight. I have not had any problems with color bleeding, but as always test a small spot on clothes you may be unsure of, as to not have any surprises. By Teri M from Omaha, NE
Janitor gets revenge when shoveling snow!
____________________________________________________ Thanks to JoAnn for this: Interesting 1 x 8 + 1 = 9 12 x 8 + 2 = 98 123 x 8 + 3 = 987 1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876 12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765 123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654 1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543 12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432 123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321 ____________________________________________________
This is just sad...
"So," Jane asked the detective she had hired. "Did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out- of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed Jane's face. "Aha! I've got him!" she said gloating. "Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "There is absolutely no doubt. It's pretty clear that he was following you, ... and taking pictures for his web site."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 8
1642 Astronomer Galileo Galilei died in Arcetri, Italy. 

1675 The first corporation was chartered in the United
States. The company was the New York Fishing Company. 

1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had
officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of
the Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not
reached British troops in time to prevent their attack on
New Orleans. 

1838 Alfred Vail demonstrated a telegraph code he had
devised using dots and dashes as letters. The code was the
predecessor to Samuel Morse's code. 

1853 A bronze statue of Andrew Jackson on a horse was
unveiled in Lafayette Park in Washington, DC. The statue
was the work of Clark Mills. 

1856 Borax (hydrated sodium borate) was discovered by Dr.
John Veatch. 

1877 Crazy Horse (Tashunca-uitco) and his warriors fought
their final battle against the U.S. Cavalry in Montana. 

1886 The Severn Railway Tunnel, Britain's longest, was

1889 The tabulating machine was patented by Dr. Herman
Hollerith. His firm, Tabulating Machine Company, later
became International Business Machines Corporation (IBM). 

1894 Fire caused serious damage at the World's Columbian
Exposition in Chicago, IL. 

1900 U.S. President McKinley placed Alaska under military

1900 In South Africa, General White turned back the Boers
attack of Ladysmith. 

1908 A catastrophic train collision occurred in the smoke-
filled Park Avenue Tunnel in New York City. Seventeen were
killed and thirty-eight were injured. The accident caused a
public outcry and increased demand for electric trains. 

1916 During World War I, the final withdrawal of Allied
troops from Gallipoli took place. 

1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson announced his Fourteen
Points as the basis for peace upon the end of World War I. 

1935 The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy. 

1962 Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa was exhibited in America
for the first time at the National Gallery of Art in
Washington, DC. The next day the exhibit opened to the

1973 Secret peace talks between the United States and North
Vietnam resumed near Paris, France. 

1973 The trial opened in Washington, of seven men accused
of bugging Democratic Party headquarters in the Watergate
apartment complex in Washington, DC. 

1982 American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) settled the
Justice Department's antitrust lawsuit against it by
agreeing to divest itself of the 22 Bell System companies. 

1982 The U.S. Justice Department withdrew an antitrust suit
against IBM. 

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush collapsed during a
state dinner in Tokyo. White House officials said Bush was
suffering from stomach flu. 

1993 Bosnian President Izetbegovic visited the U.S. to
plead his government's case for Western military aid and
intervention to halt Serbian aggression. 

1994 Tonya Harding won the ladies' U.S. Figure Skating
Championship in Detroit, MI, a day after Nancy Kerrigan
dropped out because of a clubbing attack that injured her
right knee. The U.S. Figure Skating Association later took
the title from Harding because of her involvement in the

1998 Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for his
role of mastermind behind the World Trade Center bombing in
New York. 

1998 Scientists announced that they had discovered that
galaxies were accelerating and moving apart and at faster

1999 The top two executives of Salt Lake City's Olympic
Organizing Committee resigned amid disclosures that civic
boosters had given cash to members of the International
Olympic Committee. 

2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old
pyramid and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet. 

2016  smiled.

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Internet Radio 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, January 7

Thanks to Lewis at Thriftyfun.com for fixing the 
Ezinefinder. You can vote again!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
First Drive-Thru Rage Arrest Of 2017 is in Florida,
again, what a surprise!
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 7 in
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. 
He named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 

Can YOU spot them?

See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law. --- Alex Levin One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. --- Niels Bohr ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger hopelessly overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane. Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the oversized luggage. "When I fly other airlines," he said irritably, "I never have this problem." She smiled and said, "Sir, when you fly other airlines, I don't have this problem either." ______________________________________________________ A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. "Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it." "You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat." The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run for the bridge. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. "Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner. "No," says the tourist, "but I was wondering if you have any bronze politicians!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Silva, 49, Clearwater, Florida First Drive-Thru Rage Arrest Of 2017 is in Florida, again, what a surprise! A McDonald’s employee was kicked in the stomach by an “irate and violent” customer who was “extremely unhappy with his service in the drive-thru,” according to Florida cops. Investigators allege that William Silva, 49, exploded after being "tied up" in the drive-thru lane, which was “backed up” Sunday around 10:30 PM. Silva, cops say, entered the Clearwater McDonald’s and started screaming and cursing at employees. After being asked to calm down, Silva allegedly attacked worker Manuel Cano, who was off-duty at the time. Silva, a criminal complaint alleges, "delivered a front kick" to Cano, who countered with several blows to Silva’s head and held him for police. While Silva, pictured above, denied starting the January 1 altercation or creating a disturbance inside the restaurant, his account of the incident was contradicted by Cano and a McDonald’s manager. Silva was arrested for disorderly conduct and battery, both misdemeanors. He was released from the county jail last night after posting $650 bond. Silva’s rap sheet includes convictions for cocaine possession and possession of drug paraphernalia. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Diane Re: Web Radio Dear Webby, The radio stations in this town stink. Both of them. Is ther a way to get different radio stations over the web? Do I need any specila program to listen to them and what is involved in setting my computer up for them? Thanks Diane Dear Diane Just browse to http://www.accuradio.com/ Registration is free and highly recommended. That way they keep track of what you like and what you dump. For example, if you click on SKIP to skip a certain screecher, who threatened to move to Canada, but failed, it will remember that and avoid her in the future. You can nicely customize your listening experience. There are countless different channels like Brazilian, Blues, Celtic, even Top100. You can even search by artist, if you don't remember the channel. If you are registered, it will show you the last few channels you used. It is quite slick! And totally free. No setup hassles either. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Linda Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting together for Christmas, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.” Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks: “Dear Milton,” she wrote one son, “The house you built is too huge. I live in only one room, but I have to keep the whole house clean!” “Dear Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel. I stay at home most of the time, so I rarely use the Mercedes.” “Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “You have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was Dee-licious.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Salt Stains on Leather If you get salt stains on your leather shoes or boots in the wintertime, mix one tablespoon of white vinegar in one cup of water. Dip a clean soft rag in the liquid, the wipe the salt stains. Allow to dry and your shoes should be good as new! By Becki in Indiana
Dance of the Reed Flutes (from Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite) - Kinda different!
____________________________________________________ An Irishman went to London for a visit to the circus. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at a person and tell that person's age. The Irishman was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. The man had the elephant look at a small boy and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times. "Is that right?" he asked the boy. "Yes, I'm nine!" the boy said. The Irishman continued his loud heckling, still not believing that this was true. The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several other people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot and the people said he was correct. The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the man. Finally the man could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Irishman took him up on the wager. The elephant looked real close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like you wouldn't believe. Then he turned back around, knocked the Irishman to the ground with his trunk and then stomped on him twice. The Irishman, crumpled and bleeding, staggered back to his feet and with a sound of disbelief in his voice cried, "Lard, Thunder and Murphy, he's right!...Farty-two!" ____________________________________________________
The bizarre origins behind 10 of the world’s most common superstitions.
That joke reminds me of this one: Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at all her bean soup made her the talk of New England society. At a party celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles Street restaurant, an old matron approached Mrs. O'Malley and said, "My dear girl, what is the secret of your soup?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is that I use but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it." The woman said, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it too farty."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 7
1558 Calais, the last English possession on mainland
France, was recaptured by the French. 

1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He
named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 

1782 The Bank of North America opened in Philadelphia. It
was the first commercial bank in the United States. 

1785 French aeronaut/balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard
successfully made the first air-crossing of the English
Channel from the English coast to France. 

1789 Americans voted for the electors that would choose
George Washington to be the first U.S. president. 

1887 Thomas Stevens completed the first worldwide bicycle
trip. He started his trip in April 1884. Stevens and his
bike traveled 13,500 miles in almost three years time. 

1894 W.K. Dickson received a patent for motion picture

1896 The "Fannie Farmer Cookbook" was published. 

1904 The distress signal "CQD" was established. Two years
later "SOS" became the radio distress signal because it was
quicker to send by wireless radio. 

1927 Transatlantic telephone service began between New York
and London. 31 calls were made on this first day. 

1927 In Hinckley IL, the Harlem Globetrotters played their
first game. 

1929 The debut of "Buck Rogers 2429 A.D." occurred in
newspapers around the U.S. The title of the comic strip was
later changed to "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century." 

1932 Chancellor Heinrich Brüning declared that Germany
cannot, and will not, resume reparations payments. 

1935 French Foreign Minister Pierre Laval and Italian Prime
Minister Benito Mussolini signed the Italo-French

1940 "Gene Autry’s Melody Ranch" debuted on CBS Radio. The
show aired for 16 years. 

1941 The NBC Blue radio network presented "The Squeaky
Door" for the first time. The show was later known as
"Inner Sanctum." 

1942 The World War II siege of Bataan began. 

1949 The announcement of the first photograph of genes was
shown at the University of Southern California in Los

1953 U.S. President Harry Truman announced the development
of the hydrogen bomb. 

1954 The Duoscopic TV receiver was unveiled this day. The
TV set allowed the watching of two different shows at the
same time. 

1959 The United States recognized Fidel Castro's new
government in Cuba. 

1975 OPEC agreed to raise crude oil prices by 10%, which
began a time of world economic inflation. 

1979 Vietnamese forces captured the Cambodian capital of
Phnom Penh, overthrowing the Khmer Rouge government. 

1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that
authorized $1.5 billion in loans for the bail out of
Chrysler Corp. 

1989 Crown Prince Akihito became the emperor of Japan
following the death of his father, Emperor Hirohito. 

1990 The Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed to the public.
The accelerated rate of "leaning" raised fears for the
safety of its visitors. 

1996 Alvaro Arzu was elected president of Guatemala. 

1996 One of the biggest blizzards in U.S. history hit the
eastern states. More than 100 deaths were later blamed on
the severe weather. 

1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky signed an
affidavit denying that she had an affair with U.S.
President Clinton. 

1999 U.S. President Clinton went on trial before the
Senate. It was only the second time in U.S. history that an
impeached president had gone to trial. Clinton was later
acquitted of perjury and obstruction of justice charges. 

2002 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates introduced a new
device code named Mira. The device was tablet-like and was
a cross between a handheld computer and a TV remote

2009 Russia shut off all gas supplies to Europe through
Ukraine. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin publicly endorsed
the move and urged greater international involvement in the
energy dispute. 

2016  smiled.

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XP SP3 update onto an AMD Athlon machine 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you, Clyde!!!!

Yes I know that the Ezinefinder is stuck in last year.
Last year I had to nag until the middle of April.

Here are the addresses that I mail to:
http://www2.thriftyfun.com/share/share. ... hare_id=11

Maybe, if I am not the only one nagging, 
we will get some action going.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Newark, New York Business Executive Arrested for DWI, 
Buys All Local Newspapers to Hide It.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 6 in
2017 Obama awarded the Defense Department’s “Medal of
Distinguished Public Service” to himself. North Korea style.
Maybe it refers to his golf games.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car. --- Evan Davis The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. --- Albert Einstein ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: A group of Americans was traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a process of cheese making, explaining that goats' milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours." ______________________________________________________ >From Jewel from Down Under (where they have summer now) This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper. Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. "I can't believe you're aking me about supper right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself." So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea. The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?" "Huh? I thought you were out of town." The funeral will be on Saturday. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ >Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joseph Talbot, 43, Newark, New York New York Business Executive Arrested for DWI, Buys All Local Newspapers to Hide It Joseph Talbot, 43, was arrested in Newark, New York (not New Jersey) recently for driving while intoxicated. According to local reports, Talbot refused to be photographed by police, refused to have his fingerprints taken, and would not give a breath sample. The reason? He didn’t want to end up in the local paper. Talbot is a vice president of Key Insurance and Benefits Services Inc., an arm of Key Bank, which would partially explain his desire to keep the arrest hidden. The more successful you are, the more these types of scandals can hurt. His efforts landed him a second-degree obstructing governmental administration charge on top of the DWI. Talbot refused to give up on his attempt to hide his arrest, however, and he went out the next day to buy up as many local papers as he could to hide the news. According to Ron Holdraker, the editor and owner of the Times of Wayne County, Talbot purchased over 900 copies. With Newark’s population sitting around 8,952, Talbot clearly believed that he had purchased enough copies to hide the news. Despite spending over $1000 to hide his arrest, Talbot is now being plastered all over the internet for his silly attempt. Maybe next time Talbot can save himself the time and money by just not driving while intoxicated. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Leesa Re: XP SP3 update onto an AMD Athlon machine Dear Webby, How goes it way up north in the "almost as cold as we are" country? Gets any colder here, I think we should just burrow into one of the many deep hard snow drifts, and spend the winter in hibernation. Have a question for you. Remember way back when microsoft first came out with the sp3 update for xp? At that time they said it would cause problems for amd athlon. Do you know if it was ever fixed so it could be run on amd? I so hate to give up my computer, but now can't get any updates because most seem to require sp3. I don't want to just install it then not be able to get it back out of there. I haven't had time to get all my backups done for 2016, and it may be a while before that gets done. You wise and intelligent answer would be appreciated. Stay warm. Stay safe. Havin' tons of fun now leesa dear leesa no gullible warming here either. I think I skipped sp3. There is no definite answer about it. Some say it is ok, some say it isn't. Since your machine works quite nicely without those "updates", why bother with them? Xp has been completely fixed years ago. There are no more bug fixes, just the odd security update. If you have malwarebytes, then don't worry about it. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Susan: My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds that she had put on recently. "Good," I exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too! We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I get the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first." "Great," she replied. "I'll ride with you. I'll pay for the ice cream on the way back!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freezing Food Without a Vacuum Sealer By paulawill2 To freeze and vacuum seal foods, try this no cost vacuum sealer. Get a large enough bowl of water that will fit what you want to freeze. Zip package partway closed, leaving a small opening. Push out air. Slip baggy into the bowl of water until the opening is just above the surface of water. Gently squeeze out remaining air. Zip close. Dry with towel, place in freezer. Wala, a protection from air for your hard earned food!
" target="_blank" >https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuwXQ4DqaIg"> when you go hunting with a girl
____________________________________________________ From my archives, today in 2005 POSTED: 8:22 am EST January 7, 2005 PHILADELPHIA -- A Philadelphia fanatic is heading to federal prison. It took a jury less than two hours on Thursday to convict Allan Carlson, 41, of sending out thousands of e-mails blasting the management of the Philadelphia Phillies. He had listed sportswriters and team officials as the senders, so spam that bounced back went to them. As a result, people he named had their computers clogged with thousands of messages. A federal prosecutor says reporters weren't able to find their real e-mails in all the garbage. Carlson, who's been living with his parents in New Jersey, could get up to 41 months in federal prison. Only senators can get away with doing that. ____________________________________________________
Drone footage and time lapse of surreal landscape and sky in Iceland.
An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy addressed his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married over 50 years, and they appeared still very clearly in love. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names." The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth, he said. "I forgot her name about ten years ago."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 6
2017 Obama awarded the Defense Department’s “Medal of
Distinguished Public Service” as the administration’s token
of appreciation, to himself.

0871 England's King Alfred defeated the Danes at the Battle
of Ashdown. 

1205 Philip of Swabia was crowned as King of the Romans. 

1453 Frederick III erected Austria into an Archduchy. 

1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to Anne of
Cleves, his fourth wife. 

1720 The Committee of Inquiry on the South Sea Bubble
published its findings. 

1838 Samuel Morse publicly demonstrated the telegraph for
the first time. 

1896 The first American women’s six-day bicycle race was
held at Madison Square Garden in New York City. 

1900 In India, it was reported that millions of people were
dying from starvation. 

1900 Off of South Africa, the British seized the German
steamer Herzog. The boat was released on January 22, 1900. 

1930 The first diesel-engine automobile trip was completed
after a run of 792 miles from Indianapolis, IN, to New York
City, NY. 

1942 The first commercial around-the-world airline flight
took place. Pan American Airlines was the company that made
history with the feat. 

1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and
77,000 Allied casualties. 

1950 Britain recognized the Communist government of China. 

1952 "Peanuts" debuted in Sunday papers across the United

1967 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces launched a major
offensive, known as Operation "Deckhouse V", in the Mekong
River delta. 

1982 William G. Bonin was convicted in Los Angeles, CA, of
being the "freeway killer" who had murdered 14 young men and

1987 After a 29-year lapse, the Ford Thunderbird was
presented with the Motor Trend Car of the Year Award. It was
the first occurrence of a repeat winner of the award. 

1994 Figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed on the right
leg by an assailant at Cobo Arena in Detroit, MI. Four men
were later sentenced to prison for the attack, including
Tonya Harding's ex-husband. 

1998 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect was launched into orbit
around the moon. The craft was crashed into the moon, in an
effort to find water under the lunar surface, on July 31,

1999 The 106th U.S. Congress opened. The first item on the
agenda was the impeachment proceedings of U.S. President
Bill Clinton. The trial was set to begin January 7, 1999. 

2004 In the United Arab Emirates, construction began on the
Burj Khalifa skyscraper. Upon completion it was the world's
largest building. 

2016  smiled.

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Are Link exchanges good or bad? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 5

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
UF bonehead broke into a home, found sleeping with a 
broom. Got arrested. 
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 5 in 
1781 Richmond, VA, was burned by a British naval 
expedition led by Benedict Arnold. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure. --- Samuel Johnson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Three preachers decided to have a joint revival meeting. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our ten biggest trouble makers!" ______________________________________________________ The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. He said, "Yes, I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after three?" asked the teacher. "Four," says little Johnny. "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?" Little Johnny smiles and says, "A jack." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christian Chambers Kobes, 20, Universitry of Floriduh, Floriduh UF bonehead broke into a home, found sleeping with a broom. Got arrested. After a night out at Midtown on Wednesday, a UF student broke into a house and fell asleep with a broom, Gainesville Police said. At about 5:10 a.m., Christian Chambers Kobes, 20, used the broom to break a window pane at the home, located in the 1700 block of eighth avenue, according to the police report. Police responded to the home’s alarm and found Kobes asleep with the broom, according to the report. Kobes, a UF food and resource economics student, began taking classes in Fall, John Hines, the UF public records and public affairs coordinator, wrote in an email. Police confirmed the broom was used to break the window and enter the home, according to the report. The damage is estimated to be $100. When approached by officers, Kobes did not comply with commands and continued gripping the broom, according to the report. Police used a K-9 unit to apprehend Kobes. The owner of the home said no one had permission to enter his home, and the broom was moved from where it was originally left outside, according to the report. Kobes told officers he was drinking in Midtown earlier that evening and had no memory of breaking into the house, according to the report. Kobes was arrested on charges of burglary, criminal mischief and resisting an officer without violence. Authorities took him to the Alachua County Jail where he remains, as of press time, without bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sylvie Re: Link exchange Dear Webby, I keep getting mail from people wanting me to exchange links with them. They promise that it would include traffic to my site. Is there any truth to that? Sylvie Dear Sylvie Quite the opposite. If the search engines catch you linking to those spammers, then they penalize you and dump your hard earned ranking. Forget the rethoric and BS of the self styled Search Engine Optimizers. 99.99% of them are clueless con artists. The search engines spend very serious money to be relevant, to show what you are looking for, and NOT showing some irrelevant garbage promoted by search engine "experts" trying to sneak around the rules. Just make sure your content is relevant and matches your site title, and you'll soon rank high in the search engines. Have FUN! DearWebby
A perfectionist teacher demands the very best of all of her pupils. So it is only to be expected that she would get furious when one little fellow hands in a sloppily done homework paper. "This is the worst essay it has been my misfortune to read," the woman says through clenched teeth. "It has so many mistakes. I can't understand how one person could have made all these mistakes." "It wasn't just one person," the boy replies defensively. "My mom helped me."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Painting Old Windows With a few inexpensive supplies you can create your own faux stained glass window to display in your home. This is a guide about painting faux stained glass on old windows. I got this old window at a salvage store. $5.00. I used clear Elmer's glue mixed with a small amount of acrylic paint to create faux stained glass paint. I outlined my pattern with black paint that comes with a tip. Then I added embellishments and presto, trash to treasure. By Bruzier from Omaha, Ne I used to do a lot of that in the 70's. You can get cheap acrylic (plexiglass), and "Liquid Leading" at craft stores. It is lead grey and comes in a needle tip toothpaste tube. You pencil your design and run a bead of leading along the pencil line. Then you put a few drops of filler into the fields. You can use any outdoor varnish with a bit of paint from the same brand added. Acrylic, not Latex! If you have some money, you can get different "wrinklers" for stained glass. A drop of that into a freshly filled field will give it a starburst or spiderweb texture. Very pretty! Then you put the plexiglass behind the clear glass on a door or top window. Easy and VERY artsy and very expensive looking! Have FUN! DearWebby
how to catch fish while water skiing
____________________________________________________ To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not at all try to understand her. ____________________________________________________
This transparent graffiti illusion is awesome!
A question had appeared in a students' medical examination which read: "List four benefits of breast milk." A student began to answer the question: 1. No need to bottle it. 2. Cats can't steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. But the fourth point eluded him. When there were barely a couple of minutes before the exam ended, the fourth point flashed to his mind. So he completed the answer by writing: 4. Available in very attractive containers.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 5

1781 Richmond, VA, was burned by a British naval expedition
led by Benedict Arnold. 

1885 The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to
offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation
of farm wagons on trains. 

1896 It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm
Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that became
known as X-rays. 

1900 In Ireland, Nationalist leader John Edward Redmond
called for a revolt against British rule. 

1903 The general public could use the Pacific cable for the
very first time. 

1914 Ford Motor Company announced that there would be a new
daily minimum wage of $5 and an eight-hour workday. 

1925 Mrs. Nellie Taylor Ross was sworn in as the governor of
Wyoming. She was the first female governor in the U.S. 

1933 In California, construction of the Golden Gate Bridge

1934 Both the National and American baseball leagues decided
to use a uniform-size baseball. It was the first time in 33
years that both leagues used the same size ball. 

1940 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) got its
very first demonstration of FM radio. 

1944 The London "Daily Mail" was the first transoceanic
newspaper to be published. 

1948 Warner Brothers-Pathe showed the very first color
newsreel. The footage was of the Tournament of Roses Parade
and the Rose Bowl football classic. 

1956 In the Peanuts comic strip, Snoopy walked on two legs
for the first time. 

1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon ordered the development
of the space shuttle. 

1987 U.S. President Ronald Reagan underwent prostate

1993 The state of Washington executed Westley Allan Dodd. It
was America's first legal hanging since 1965. Dodd was an
admitted child sex killer. 

1996 Yahya Ayyash, a member of the Hamas in Israel, is
killed by a booby-trapped cellular phone. 

1998 U.S. Representative Sonny Bono died in skiing accident.

2002 A 15 year-old student pilot, Charles Bishop, crashed a
small plane into a building in Tampa, FL. Bishop was about
to begin a flying lesson when he took off without permission
and without an instructor. 

2016  smiled.

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Garbled emails 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 4

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wisconsin bonehead arrested after he belly-flopped
onto windshield of Wisconsin police car
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 4 in 
1936 The first pop music chart based on national sales 
was published by "Billboard" magazine. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. --- Mae West (1892 - 1980) Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. --- Will Rogers ___________ Right. Always cuss in Latin. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A couple went to pay a visit to another couple, unannounced. The wife answered the door. "Come in," she said. The other couple came in,sat down, then asked, "Where's John?" "Oh," replied his wife,"he's in the bathroom, grouting and spackling." "Oh, dear," said the other lady, "I had that once and didn't get over it for two weeks. ______________________________________________________ The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a HUGE amount of material on the midterm exam. Tension in the room built, people were sighing and gasping aloud as they realized how much material they had covered and were expected to recall. The following week, the professor tossed the graded papers on her desk and announced, "Class, after I left here last week, the Lord spoke to me. He said, 'Thanks, professor. I haven't heard from some of those people in years!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James Romano, 25, Menasha, Wisconsin Wisconsin bonehead arrested after he belly flopped onto windshield of Wisconsin police car The 25-year-old Wisconsin resident rang in the New Year by performing an exquisite belly flop atop the windshield of a police cruiser. Romano, for some reason, charged the stationary squad car shortly after midnight Sunday. As he reached the vehicle’s front end, Romano launched himself into the air. Upon landing, Romano smashed the windshield of the cruiser, which was occupied by a Menasha Police Department officer. After a scuffle with cops, Romano was taken into custody and transported to a local hospital for treatment. He was then booked into the county jail on multiple charges, including battery on a law enforcement officer, disorderly conduct, and criminal damage to property. Investigators say that Romano (seen above) “had been drinking” prior to his ill-conceived execution of the January 1 belly flop in Menasha, a city about 35 miles south of Green Bay. According to his LinkedIn page, Romano works as a customer service manager at Walmart. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Debby Re: Garbled emails Dear Webby, The humor letter is great Thanks! I hope you can give me a little insight as to why I receive emails that is full of useless words, just words all garbled up. Is it some kind of code or something? Some emails are the entire thing, some have just a paragraph at the end of a letter. Thanks, Debby Dear Debby Spam is for trashing, not for getting philosophical about. They are just putting crap in there to try and sneak past spam control programs, and then show their phony ads as a picture. Obviously, somebody who uses such a crooked approach is a crook, and not worth your time or money. Just trash their garbage. Have FUN! DearWebby
I met a man who had been married for 66 years. "Amazing. 66 years!" I said. "What's the secret to such a long, happy marriage?" "Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all the big decisions ... and the woman just makes the little decisions." "Really?" I responded. "Does that really work?" "Oh, yes," he said proudly. "66 years, and so far, not one big decision!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lip Balm By Becky Miles [100 Posts, 158 Comments] My lips have been so dry lately and I couldn't find my usual lip stuff. Instead of going out and buying yet another one, I made some. I had all the ingredients, but that's because I make lots of homemade hand salves and foot balms, etc. The most expensive supply is the beeswax. You can buy the beeswax pastilles. I bought a huge 1 pound block with a 60% off coupon at the craft store (for about $5) and I grated it myself. It took some work and I don't recommend using a grater that you want to use again for food (it is hard to clean off). But, it has lasted a long time and I use it a lot. This lip balm worked perfectly. My lips are no longer dry and I saved a few bucks! Total Time: 10 minutes, plus cooling time Yield: 3 containers Source: http://www.everydayroots.com Supplies: 1 Tbsp grated beeswax, to act as your moisturizer 1 Tbsp coconut oil, to promote hydration a dash of honey - The instructions call for raw honey, but I had none. Regular honey worked, too. 2 vitamin E capsules (I didn't have the capsules, so I squirted in what seemed like 2 capsules-worth) pot to heat water clean can or glass jar containers to put your lip balm in Steps: Heat a small pan with about 1 inch of water to simmering. I use an old pot that I don't cook with. Take a small clean metal can and add the grated beeswax. If you are opposed to using the can, you could use a glass jar. It's hard to clean out, but you could use it over and over again. Add the can or glass jar to the water. Melt the beeswax about halfway. Add the coconut oil and honey. Stir with a plastic utensil, chopstick, or Popsicle stick. Once the mix hardens, it's hard to clean off. Use something that you don't mind tossing. Once melted, carefully take the can out of the pan of water. Use a towel or potholders. I squish my can so that it has a spout to pour out without getting the mixture all over my counter. Pour into your containers. I had a couple of old lip stuff containers. I also poured some into a cleaned baby food container. Don't touch your containers as they cool. It takes about 15 to 20 minutes to harden. Enjoy!
how to catch fish while water skiing
____________________________________________________ The following is an ad from a newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake. MONDAY: For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred In R. D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M." WEDNESDAY: Notice: R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale -- R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him." THURSDAY: Notice: I, R. D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I intentionally broke it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she has now quit. ____________________________________________________
This transparent graffiti illusion is awesome!
After setting off the alarm while passing through a metal detector at McCarran Airport in Las Vegas, a traveler was asked by a security agent if she had any change in her pockets. "Gee," she says, turning towards her husband, I told you we should of gone to Florida instead. Here everyone expects to be tipped."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 4
1850 The first American ice-skating club was organized in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1884 The socialist Fabian Society was founded in London. 

1885 Dr. William Grant performed the first successful
appendectomy. The patient was Mary Gartside. 

1936 The first pop music chart based on national sales was
published by "Billboard" magazine. 

1944 The attack on Monte Cassino was launched by the British
Fifth Army in Italy. 

1948 Britain granted independence to Burma. 

1951 During the Korean conflict, North Korean and Communist
Chinese forces captured the city of Seoul. 

1953 Tufted plastic carpeting was introduced by Barwick

1958 The Soviet satellite Sputknik I fell to the earth from
its orbit. The craft had been launched on October 4, 1957. 

1962 New York City introduced a train that operated without
conductors and motormen. 

1965 The Fender Guitar Company was sold to CBS for $13

1984 Wayne ‘The Great One’ Gretzky scored eight points (four
goals and four assists) for the second time in his National
Hockey League (NHL) career. Edmonton’s Oilers defeated the
Minnesota North Stars, 12-8. The game was the highest-
scoring NHL game to date. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously to condemn
Israel's treatment of the Palestinians in the occupied

1997 The Greek Cypriot government signed an agreement to buy
S-300 surface-to-air missiles from Russia. 

1999 A drifting Nicaraguan fishing boat was found by the
Norwegian oil tanker Joelm. The fisherman had been lost at
sea for 35 days after the engine of their vessel quit

1999 Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura was sworn in
as Minnesota's 37th governor. 

2007 Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the U.S. House of
Representatives. She was the first woman to hold the

2010 In Dubai, United Arab Emirates, the Burj Dubai (Dubai
Tower) opened as the world's tallest tower at 2,625 feet. 

2016  smiled.

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Leaving mail on the server 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 3

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Teen stole cop car after being cuffed for drunk driving
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 3 in 
1496 References in Leonardo da Vinci notebooks suggested
that he tested his flying machine. The test didn't succeed
and he didn't try to fly again for several years. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. --- Terry Pratchett Old men are fond of giving good advice, to console themselves for being no longer in a position to give bad examples. --- François La Rochefoucauld What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left. --- Oscar Levant If marriage were outlawed, then only outlaws would have inlaws. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher asked her students why they had to be quiet during the Church service. One bright little girl replied "Because people are sleeping." ______________________________________________________ I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy." Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?" He replied, "They're all nocturnal." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor Where is the Gullible Warming? ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dekota Locklear, 18, Lumberton, NC Teen stole cop car after being cuffed for drunk driving A North Carolina teen humiliated three NYPD cops early Sunday by escaping a Manhattan DWI checkpoint in a police cruiser — despite having been tossed into the back seat with his hands cuffed behind his back, law enforcement sources said. Police brass were weighing disciplinary action against the two cops whose marked patrol car was stolen and taken on a joyride, then ditched about 12 miles away in Yonkers, the sources said. “Somebody’s getting suspended,” one high-ranking police source said. But the cops claim they were ordered by a sergeant to leave Dekota Locklear, 18, alone in the car — which had no divider between the front and back — before hauling him off to the 33rd Precinct station house in Washington Heights. “The sergeant wanted to get another arrest. He told them to put Locklear in the car,” said a source familiar with the incident. “It was cold out and they left the engine on because they didn’t want him to freeze,” the source added. “It was all under the sergeant’s orders and there weren’t enough people to do a checkpoint.” A law enforcement source said Sunday night that the sergeant and both cops were under investigation for the debacle. The caper, which could have come straight out of “The Dukes of Hazzard,” began unfolding around 2 a.m. at 158th Street and the Henry Hudson Parkway. Dekota Locklear in an undated Facebook photoFacebook Locklear, of Lumberton, NC, was stopped while driving a black 2008 Hyundai through the checkpoint and placed under arrest for having bloodshot eyes and failing a sobriety test, sources said. While in the back seat of the police car, Locklear maneuvered his hands in front of his body, then allegedly slipped into the driver’s seat and took off. “He climbed over the seat and took the vehicle,” court papers state. The NYPD used GPS technology to find the cruiser abandoned near the Saw Mill River Parkway in Yonkers. One of its sides had been damaged in a collision, according to police sources. The car was left in a parking space hidden by trees on Saw Mill River Road, a neighbor said. Following its discovery, about 50 cops with search dogs and high-powered lights beat the bushes in the heavily wooded area, according to the neighbor. Locklear — who has a lengthy rap sheet, including a kidnapping charge in North Carolina — was busted nearby around 4:10 a.m., according to police sources. He was charged with a slew of crimes, including grand larceny and reckless endangerment. The teen was arraigned Sunday night and ordered held in lieu of $50,000 bond. The suspect’s Facebook account features photos that show him flashing gang signs and holding firearms. He was traveling with an unidentified 13-year-old boy at the time of his arrest, sources said. It was unclear what happened to the kid. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Farah Re: Re: Leaving mail on the server Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I have to go to the East for four days to a conference and asked my ISP if I can read my mail from there but leave it on the server till I get back to my home machine. I have done that with other ISP's before and they were quite OK with it as long as I told them before each trip. This one went right hysterical and she threatened to cut me off if I get caught doing that. Have there been any changes regarding mail that I am not aware of? Farah Dear Farah The only change is that some ISP's hire dumber boneheads than they used to. Considering how silly that one is, I doubt that they can even tell if you have checked your mail. All they can see is the total size of your mailbox. Most hotel guest machines and cybercafe machines are set to "leave mail on the server" and not to delete it. Just use them like that and then download and delete the mail off the server when you get back home. I would be willing to bet that they won't notice that for those 4 days. And with THAT ISP, don't waste your time telling them about any trips that you go on. Have FUN! DearWebby
When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "It certainly wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the best towels we had... the ones we got from the Hotel when we were on vacation."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bean and Bacon Soup Souper quick and souper easy ;-) Ingredients: 6 strips bacon 1 small celery stalk, finely chopped 1 medium onion, finely chopped 4 tsp. minced garlic 2 (15 oz.) cans white kidney beans, not drained 2 cups water 2 Tbsp. fresh parsley, chopped salt and pepper, to taste Directions: Cook the bacon in a large saucepan over medium heat until crisp, about 6 to 8 minutes. Transfer bacon with a slotted spoon to a paper or cloth towel, let cool and break into small pieces. Return the saucepan with bacon drippings to medium heat, add the celery, onion, and garlic and cook for 3 to 4 minutes, or until celery and onion are just tender, stirring well. Add the beans and water and bring to a boil, cover, reduce heat to low, and simmer for 10 minutes. Uncover and partially mash the bean mixture until it thickens slightly. Stir in the parsley, bacon, salt, and pepper to taste and serve. By Deeli from Richland, WA
The Snowman - classic!
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Diana for this one: Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear. "Hey, pal, what's the matter?" Jack asked "Oh man... I've been transferred to California," the other guy answered, there's crazy people in California and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate..." "Hold on," Jack interrupted, "I've lived in California all my life, and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world." The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?" "Me?" said Jack, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck in Oakland." ____________________________________________________
This transparent graffiti illusion is awesome!
>From Susan: In the early 1990's, when I was stationed at Caserna Carlo Ederle in Italy, it was very common to see soldiers riding bicycles back and forth to work. So it came as no big surprise that, after a series of painfully comic accidents, a new policy was announced, saying in summary, "Soldiers shall no longer salute officers who are engaged in the riding of a bicycle."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 3
1496 References in Leonardo da Vinci notebooks suggested
that he tested his flying machine. The test didn't succeed
and he didn't try to fly again for several years. 

1521 Pope Leo X excommunicated Martin Luther. 

1777 The Battle of Princeton took place in the War of
Independence, in which George Washington defeated the
British forces, led by Cornwallis. 

1815 By secret treaty, Austria, Britain, and France formed a
defensive alliance against Prusso-Russian plans to solve the
Saxon and Polish problems. 

1823 Stephen F. Austin received a grant from the Mexican
government and began colonization in the region of the
Brazos River in Texas. 

1825 The first engineering college in the U.S. , Rensselaer
School, opened in Troy, NY. It is now known as Rensselaer
Polytechnic Institute. 

1833 Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands in the
South Atlantic. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the
islands from the British, but Britain took them back after a
74-day war. 

1868 The Shogunate was abolished in Japan and Meiji dynasty
was restored. 

1871 Henry W. Bradley patented oleomargarine. 

1888 The drinking straw was patented by Marvin C. Stone. 

1924 English explorer Howard Carter discovered the
sarcophagus of Tutankhamen in the Valley of the Kings, near
Luxor, Egypt. 

1925 In Italy, Mussolini announced that he would take
dictatorial powers. 

1938 The March of Dimes was established by U.S. President
Franklin Delano Roosevelt. The organization fights
poliomyelitis. The original name of the organization was the
National Foundation for Infantile Paralysis. 

1947 In Trenton, NJ, Al Herrin, passed away at age 92. He
had claimed that he had not slept at all during his life. 

1951 NBC-TV debuted "Dragnet." 

1957 The Hamilton Watch Company introduced the first
electric watch. 

1959 In the U.S., Alaska became the 49th state. 

1961 The U.S. severed diplomatic relations with Cuba. 

1962 Pope John XXIII excommunicated Cuban prime minister
Fidel Castro. 

1967 Jack Ruby died in a Dallas, TX, hospital. 

1973 The Columbia Broadcasting System (CBS) sold the New
York Yankees to a 12-man syndicate headed by George
Steinbrenner for $10 million. 

1980 Conservationist Joy Adamson, author of "Born Free," was
killed in northern Kenya by a servant. 

1983 Tony Dorsett (Dallas Cowboys) made the longest run from
scrimmage in NFL history. Dorsett ran 99 yards in a game
against the Minnesota Vikings. 

1984 A woman died at Disneyland after falling from a ride.
She had apparently unfastened her seatbelt while on the
Matterhorn bobsled.

1990 Ousted Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega surrendered to
U.S. forces, 10 days after taking refuge in the Vatican's
diplomatic mission, which was blasted with loud rock music
intended to drive him insame.

1995 WHO reported that the cumulative total of officially
reported cases of AIDS had risen to 1,025,073 in 192
countries as at the end of 1994. 

1998 China announced that it would spend $27.7 billion to
fight erosion and pollution in the Yangtze and Yellow river

1999 Israeli authorities detained, and later expelled, 14
members of Concerned Christians. Israili officials claimed
that the Denver, CO-based cult was plotting violence in
Jerusalem to bring about the Second Coming of Christ. 

2000 Charles M. Schulz's final original daily comic strip
appeared in newspapers. 

2001 The ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms)
charged the "Texas 7" with weapons violations. An autopsy
showed that Officer Aubrey Hawkins, killed by the convicts,
had been shot 11 times and run over with a vehicle. 

2004 NASA's Spirit rover landed on Mars. The craft was able
to send back black and white images three hours after

2016  smiled.

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Problem doing back-ups with File Explorer in W10 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 2

Thank you, Dale!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Man Arrested After Demanding That McDonald's 
Workers Turn Off "Christian Music" Playing
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 1 in 
1492 The leader of the last Muslim stronghold in Spain
surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to King Ferdinand II and
Queen Isabella I. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of authority. --- Thomas H. Huxley Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. --- A. H. Weiler (1909 - 2002) It is a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won't go. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One time while in the Millington, Tennesee Naval Air Station, there was a fearsome thunderstorm which knocked out the electricity in the Navy Exchange. This killed the cash registers, naturally, but the Navy always has a backup. The emergency intercom came on, and a loud female voice announced, "CASHIERS TAKE YOUR CRANKS OUT OF YOUR DRAWERS!" As if that alone was not funny enough, the cash register drawers, which had the little manual cranks inside them, needed electricity, OR those little cranks to open them. ______________________________________________________ "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" the RevI asked the children in Sunday School class. "NO!" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO!" "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" he asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO!" "Well," he continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor Mother-Of-Pearl clouds in Strömsund i Jämtland, Sweden. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joseph Allen, 46, Largo, Floriduh Florida Man Arrested After Demanding That McDonald's Workers Turn Off "Christian Music" Playing Angered that “Christian music” was being played inside a McDonald’s, a Florida man cursed at employees and other patrons and demanded that they “turn it off and play Muslim and Hindu music,” according to cops who arrested the customer. Joseph Allen, 46, walked into the McDonald’s around 10:20 AM Tuesday and created “a threat to the safety of others,” according to a Largo Police Department report. Allen, cops say, “began cursing at customers and employees” due to the “Christian music” being played over speakers in the fast food restaurant (seen below). The “Christian music” to which Allen referred was apparently Christmas tunes. Allen, who appeared intoxicated, approached McDonald’s workers "in an aggressive manner," leaving the employees “in fear for their safety.” Police responding to a 911 call confronted Allen, who reportedly admitted to cursing at McDonald’s workers and customers. A search of Allen turned up a small bag of methamphetamine in a pants pocket. Seen above, Allen was booked into the county jail on disorderly conduct and narcotics possession charges. Allen, a convicted felon, is locked up in lieu of $2150 bond. His lengthy rap sheet includes busts for assault; robbery; grand theft; trespass; battery; disorderly intoxication; lewd and lascivious exhibition; distributing stolen property; criminal mischief; and carrying a concealed weapon. ---------- Excessive playing of Rudolph, the rednosed reindeer, Jingle Bells, etc. can get on one's nerves, but that music is more related to Rudolphians and believers in Shopmas, not Christianity. It is intended to make people of all faiths shopaholics, and is most definitely not enticing them to go to church. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ralph Re: File Explorer problem in W10 Dear Webby, Talking about W10 file explorer. I use it to backup my pictures to an external drive (I never took the time to learn your DOS shortcut). A curious thing happened which has never occurred before. I selected the directory ICON, COPIED and then PASTED in the destination directory. So far so good. However, upon reviewing the copied files, I got all my pictures plus the same file again with a “.file” extension (with the directory ICON) – they were empty so I deleted them. As a bonus, File Explorer would crash after so many deletes. Any idea why this is occurring or is this some more Microslop? Ralph Dear Ralph Yes, just routine Microslop. That kind of programming is typical for bath salt users. You won't get a believable excuse from Microslop. Try just CTRL - Drag. That does not screw up nearly as much or as badly as Copy / Paste Since you don't want to give DOS a chance, get a decent back-up program. NOT MICROSLOP BACKUP!!! A decent one, that allows you to back up to an external drive. Depending on the computer you got, the manufacturer may have a back-up program built in. DELL, for example has one. Have FUN! DearWebby
Overheard at a Computer Store: "I want a game capable of holding the interest of my six-year-old, but it's got to be simple enough for his father to play, too."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hemming Jeans with Thick Seams By Elaine S. [39 Posts, 243 Comments] I have hemmed plenty of jeans in my time and broken a lot of needles. The following are tips to do it and save your needles. First of all, look for needles that are made specifically for hemming jeans. If your sewing machine has a jeans foot, use that too it allows several thicknesses of fabric underneath it. Secondly after you have pressed your double hem up, before you sew, take a hammer and pound the seam that is so thick (it is called a flat felled seam). I know this step sounds funny, but it works. As you are sewing along, when you come to a thick place and your presser foot won't allow you to go over it, insert a piece of cardboard about the thickness of two credit cards under the presser foot from the back. This allows you to "climb" the seam with ease. Lastly, sew very slowly and do not reverse. You are most likely to save needles using these hints. By Elaine S. from Near Cedar Rapids, IA
Nelly Wanted a Selfie
____________________________________________________ Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in SICK yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!" ____________________________________________________
Awesome people in Winter!
A couple went shopping at the mall. They decided to go their separate ways and meet two hours later. The husband was at their appointed meeting place at the appointed time, but there was no sign of his wife. After waiting for half an hour, he started looking for her but couldn't find her in any of the stores she usually frequented. Finally, thoroughly tired of looking for her, he approached a beautiful lady on a mall bench. He smiled at her and said, "Please, talk to me! Quick!" She said, "Why?" "Because I've been looking for my wife all over this silly mall and I can't find her," the man replied. "How will talking to me help you find your wife? I have absolutely no idea what she looks like, much less where she is." "I didn't think you did. However, every time I start talking to a beautiful woman, my wife instantly appears! So, please flirt for 30 seconds."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 2
1492 The leader of the last Muslim stronghold in Spain
surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to King Ferdinand II and
Queen Isabella I. 

1842 In Fairmount, PA, the first wire suspension bridge was
opened to traffic. 

1859 Erastus Beadle published "The Dime Book of Practical

1872 Brigham Young, the 71-year-old leader of the Mormon
Church, was arrested on a charge of bigamy. He had 25 wives.

1882 The Standard Oil Trust agreement was completed and
dated. The document transferred the stock and property of
more than 40 companies into the control of nine trustees
lead by John D. Rockefeller. This was the first example of
what became known as a holding company. 

1890 Alice Sanger became the first female White House

1900 U.S. Secretary of State John Hay announced the Open
Door Policy to prompt trade with China. 

1900 The Chicago Canal opened. 

1910 The first junior high school in the United States
opened. McKinley School in Berkeley, CA, housed seventh and
eighth grade students. In a separate building students were
housed who attended grades 9-12. 

1917 Royal Bank of Canada took over the Quebec Bank. 

1929 The United States and Canada reached an agreement on
joint action to preserve Niagara Falls. 

1935 Bruno Richard Hauptmann went on trial for the kidnap-
murder of Charles Lindberghs baby. Hauptmann was found guilt
and executed. 

1942 The Philippine capital Manila was captured by Japanese
forces during World War II. 

1953 "The Life of Riley" debuted on NBC-TV. 

1955 Panamanian President Jose Antonio Remon was

1957 The San Francisco and Los Angeles stock exchanges

1968 Fidel Castro announced petroleum and sugar rationing in

1971 In the U.S., a federally imposed ban on television
cigarette advertisements went into effect. 

1974 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon signed a bill requiring
all states to lower the maximum speed limit to 55 MPH. The
law was intended to conserve gasoline supplies during an
embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries. Federal
speed limits were abolished in 1995. 

1991 Sharon Pratt Dixon was sworn in as mayor of Washington,
DC. She was the first black woman to head a city of that
size and prominence. 

1996 AT&T announced that it would eliminate 40,000 jobs over
three years. 

1998 Russia began circulating new rubles in effort to keep
inflation in check and promote confidence. 

2004 NASA's Stardust space probe collected samples from the
comet Wild 2. The samples returned to Earth on January 15,

2008 The price of oil hit $100 per barrell for the first

2016  smiled.

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How to set DETAIL view as the default in the File Explorer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, January 1
Happy New Year!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas hijacker of occupied ambulance arrested
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 1 in 
1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning
of the New Year (instead of March 25th). 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. --- Steve Martin (1945 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After a long and arduous divorce trial that dragged on for weeks and cost him everything except the clothes he wore, on the way out of the court George was reminded of a phrase in an old song: "being free is nothing left to lose". He realized the truth in that and started laughing and shouting as he skipped down the sidewalk. "I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted. "So what," said a little girl. "I'm almoft four." ______________________________________________________ Peter and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Peter says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment... then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys turned on him with her hands on her hips and demanded, "Who told you about us!?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rashard Williams, 28, Austin, Texas Texas hijacker of occupied ambulance arrested Police have charged the man who allegedly hijacked an Austin-Travis County EMS ambulance on Christmas Day. Court documents allege Rashard Williams, 28, took the ambulance while it was parked near the Austin Resource Center for the Homeless (ARCH) on Dec. 25. The affidavit for Williams states Williams was arrested on an unrelated charge on Dec. 27, and that his description and clothing matched that of the person seen on HALO cameras taking the ambulance. The ambulance’s crew was tending to a patient when Williams allegedly got behind the wheel and drove it to South Austin before fleeing on foot. "Completely unexpected a very rare event, and a surprise to everyone," Austin-Travis County EMS Captain Rick Rutledge told KVUE on Monday. Rutledge said the paramedics strapped in the patient during the ride. "They put on shoulder straps, they got him buckled in, that's actually the safest place in the ambulance is being secured to the stretcher," he said. Rutledge added the driver even used sirens while driving, and that EMS is not sure the driver was aware of the medics and patients in the back of the ambulance. "The back of the ambulance you can see is completely isolated so there was never a conversation or any ability to question or speak to them so we really don't know what their motives were," said Rutledge. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Terry Re: Detail view in File Explorer Dear Webby, I am sure you will agree that Windows has caused more frustration and anger than even dope. Each incarnation is more evil than the previous one and most definitely indicate that they are on bath salts. Just look at the way the file explorer always reverts to a DIFFERENT mode each time you start it, but NEVER to the Detail mode, and you have to mess around and waste time to get it into Detail mode. Do you know of a way to defeat their evil insanity and get around that? Terry Dear Terry You are probably right about bath salts. By default the file explorer now goes to Libraries. Well, I don't know anybody who uses libraries. And they are in a stupid place to start out with. Also, by default, it does not show TOOLS on top anymore. BAD DOPE! I make desktop shortcuts to go to the folders, that I use and go to dozens of times per day. That cuts out all the dopey rigamarole, Then, to fix the default to DETAIL, I shuffle it to there, then, if TOOLS is not visible, go at it via VIEW. Climb through that whole tree and correct everything, that looks stupid, like hiding file extensions. BAD DOPE!!! Once you have corrected everything, go into the Folder Options and hit APPLY TO FOLDERS. It will whine a bit, but it will let you do it. After that, close the explorer and open a new one. It SHOULD open in the same location as the last used one, and you should have DETAILS mode, just as if they had not screwed it up. You still have to make desktop shortcuts to the most used locations. I make one for each drive, and one for each location, that I frequently go to. You can drag those onto the TaskBar in the order of use frequency. It is easy enough to make nice, colorful icons for each of them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Kathy's wedding turned out to be a real family reuinion. Even her weird cousin Sean from San Francisco showed up. There were too many people to fit into the little church, and since was snowing and raining and blowing quite ferociously, a last minute decision was made to hold the ceremony in the undergound parkade across the street. A priest was ready in his ornate surplice and cassock ready to proceed the march into the parkade and begin the ceremony. He was carrying a briefcase with his book and paraphenalia and he was swinging the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. Sean was seen sidling up to the priest and saying: "Darling, I love your dress, but did you know that your purse is on fire!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Dry Goods If you buy rice or pasta in large economy size quantities, then you probably know that when you get to the bottom of the bags or boxes, you can't mix that stuff with freshly bought stuff, because it takes more water and more time. If you mix it, some will be crispy and some will be mushy. Fresh rice and pasta is not nearly as dry, so that it weighs more in the store. Don't throw the old goods out. Save them in empty coffee cans for the next backpacking trip. You'll get almost twice the COOKED rice for the same amount of backpacked weight. Just use more water and cook it a bit longer.
New Year's Sydney, Australia
____________________________________________________ A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off." ____________________________________________________
The best illusions of 2016.
>From Nancy: My 12-year-old daughter asked me, "Mom, do you have a baby picture of yourself? I need it for a school project." I gave her one without thinking to ask what the project was. A few days later I was in her classroom for a parent- teacher meeting when Inoticed my face pinned to a mural the students had created. The title of their project was: "The oldest thing in my house."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 1
0404 The last gladiator competition was held in Rome. 

1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning
of the New Year (instead of March 25th). 

1772 The first traveler's checks were issued in London. 

1785 London's oldest daily paper "The Daily Universal
Register" (later renamed "The Times" in 1788) was first

1797 Albany became the capital of New York state, replacing
New York City. 

1801 The Act of Union of England and Ireland came into

1801 Italian astronomer Giuseppe Piazzi became the first
person to discover an asteroid. He named it Ceres. 

1804 Haiti gained its independence. 

1808 The U.S. prohibited import of slaves from Africa. 

1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the Emancipation
Proclamation, which declared that all slaves in the rebel
states were free. 

1887 Queen Victoria was proclaimed empress of India in

1892 Ellis Island Immigrant Station formally opened in New

1892 Brooklyn and New York merged to form the single city of
New York. 

1894 The Manchester Ship Canal was officially opened to

1895 In Battle Creek, MI, C.W. Post created his first usable
batch of Monks Brew (later called Postum). It was a cereal-
based substitute for caffeinated drinks. 

1898 Manhattan, the Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens and Staten
Island were consolidated into New York City. 

1900 Hawaii asked for a delegate to the Republican national

1900 Nigeria became a British protectorate with Frederick
Lagard as the high commissioner. 

1901 The Commonwealth of Australia was founded. Lord
Hopetoun officially assumed the duties as the first

1902 The first Tournament of Roses (later the Rose Bowl)
collegiate football game was played in Pasadena, CA. 

1909 The first payments of old-age pensions were made in
Britain. People over 70 received five shillings a week. 

1913 The post office began parcel post deliveries. 

1924 Frank B. Cooney received a patent for ink paste. 

1926 The Rose Bowl was carried coast to coast on network
radio for the first time. 

1934 Alcatraz Island officially became a Federal Prison. 

1934 The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) began

1936 The "New York Herald Tribune" began microfilming its
current issues. 

1937 The First Cotton Bowl football game was played in
Dallas, TX. Texas Christian University (T.C.U.) beat
Marquette, 16-6. 

1939 The Hewlett-Packard partnership was formed by Bill
Hewlett and Dave Packard. 

1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt and British Prime
Minister Winston Churchill issued a declaration called the
"United Nations." It was signed by 26 countries that vowed
to create an international postwar World War II peacekeeping

1945 France was admitted to the United Nations. 

1956 Sudan gained its independence. 

1958 The European Economic Community (EEC) started

1959 Fidel Castro overthrew the government of Fulgencio
Batista, and seized power in Cuba. 

1968 Evel Knievel, stunt performing daredevil, lost control
of his motorcycle midway through a jump of 141 feet over the
ornamental fountains in front of Caesar’s Palace in Las

1971 Tobacco ads representing $20 million dollars in
advertising were banned from TV and radio broadcast. 

1973 Britain, Ireland, Denmark and Norway joined the EEC. 

1975 The magazine "Popular Electronics" announced the
invention of a personal computer called Altair. MITS, using
an Intel microprocessor, developed the computer. 

1979 The United States and China held celebrations in
Washington, DC, and Beijing to mark the establishment of
diplomatic relations between the two countries. 

1981 Greece joined the European Community. 

1984 AT&T was broken up into 22 Bell System companies under
terms of an antitrust agreement with the U.S. Federal

1986 Spain and Portugal joined the European Community (EC). 

1987 A pro-democracy rally took place in Beijing's Tiananmen
Square (China). 

1990 David Dinkins was sworn in as New York City's first
black mayor. 

1992 The ESPN Radio Network was officially launched. 

1992 In Kuala, Lumpur, the groundbreaking ceremony for the
Petronas Towers took place. 

1993 Czechoslovakia split into two separate states, the
Czech Republic and Slovakia. The peaceful division had been
engineered in 1992. 

1994 Bill Gates, Chief Executive Officer of Microsoft and
Melinda French were married. 

1994 The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) went
into effect. 

1995 Frederick West, an alleged killer of 12 women and
girls, was found hanged in his jail cell in Winston Green
prison, in Birmingham. West had been under almost continuous
watch since his arrest in 1994, but security had reportedly
been relaxed in the months preceding the apparent suicide. 

1995 The World Trade Organization came into existence. The
group of 125 nations monitors global trade. 

1998 A new anti-smoking law went into effect in California.
The law prohibiting people from lighting up in bars. 

1999 The euro became currency for 11 Member States of the
European Union. Coins and notes were not available until
January 1, 2002.

1999 In California, a law went into effect that defined
"invasion of privacy as trespassing with the intent to
capture audio or video images of a celebrity or crime victim
engaging in a personal of family activity." 

2001 The "Texas 7," rented space in an RV park in Woodland
Park, CO. 

2007 Binney & Smith Company became Crayola LLC under its
parent company Hallmark.

2016  smiled.

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scvhost problem 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 31

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man says he was shot 12 times while trying to prove
'theory' that not all cops are brutal in California
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 31 in 
1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape
of Good Hope, where they would later create the South
African wine industry with the vines they took with them
on the voyage. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. --- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous. --- Henry Ford (1863 - 1947) Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. --- Susan Ertz Hindsight is an exact science, except when it comes to autobiographies. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog! ______________________________________________________ A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university. They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, an anthropologist, and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such. While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local truck stop for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the waitress what his purpose was in town, then asked her if she had any idea why the birth rate was so high. "Sure," said the waitress. "Every morning the six o'clock train comes through here and blows it's big horns for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver, for this picture: ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jose Vaca, 29, Bakersfield, California Man says he was shot 12 times while trying to prove 'theory' that not all cops are brutal in California A man who was shot by police last week after being pulled over says he wanted to prove to his friend that police officers are good people. Last Monday, 29-year-old Jose Vaca was pulled over while driving with a friend. He got out of the car holding a rifle, which he’d purchased at a flea market and was not legally allowed to have. "I exit my vehicle, I come to the front of the police vehicle, I put my butt of the rifle on the floor and I just put my hand up,” Vaca said. The weapon startled the police officers, who opened fire without warning, according to Vaca. "Soon as I hit the ground, I just attempted to play dead, and then they fired a couple more shots at me from the back as I was lying on the ground,” he said. Vaca says he never planned to shoot the officers. Instead, he thought this would be an opportunity to prove a point he’d made to a friend months ago about police brutality. "First thing that came to my mind is I'm already going to get pulled over. I know they're most likely going to take me in, but I’m going to try my theory real quick and see that it's true so she can believe there’s good officers in the world,” he said. Vaca says he was shot 12 times, with three of the bullets passing completely through his body; though the police report says only nine shots were fired. The man says it’s a “blessing” he’s alive. Looking back, Vaca considers his experiment ill-conceived because it went “completely bad.” However, the man says he still believes there are good police officers in the world. "They didn't know what to expect,” he said. Vaca is currently being held on $400,000 bail, booked on 11 different criminal counts. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: scvhost problem Dear Webby, I just noticed this week that 50% of my cpu is constantly being used by Microsoft scvhost( netsvcs) and LocalServiceAndNoImpersonation. I looked online but the answers I saw were very confusing. Is there a way to fix this? Thank you, Helen Dear Helen Microsoft does not know. They don't have a usable answer. This is the best answer I found on the net: i had this problem. And turned out to be from the Team Viewer v6. i made the team viewer service on manual start from the services assistant (type in start->run "services" and it will open this assistant) and the problem is solved :). It seams that team view version 6 and windows 7 x64 ultimate are not working to well together :( if you need team viewer install version above 6 and cpu will stay come and the system will run great :)good luck Apparently it is just a W7 bug. I can also be set off by Media Center, and by a call for a Nvidia update. Just change them all to manual start. Have FUN! DearWebby
At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period. "Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I can't figger out." "What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt. "Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?" "Right." "An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?" "Er--right." "An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always getting in trouble somewhere, right?" "Er, yes, you could say that," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?" "What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remedies for Leg Cramps Too much to print here. If you are intersted, go to Remedies for leg cramps
space images
____________________________________________________ From a dozen years ago: POSTED: 8:48 am EST December 31, 2004 YORK, Pa. -- A Pennsylvania man is behind bars after a wild chase that ended up in the parking lot of a county prison. Thirty-seven-year-old Robert Sparks of Mechanicsburg is charged with a slew of crimes, including driving under the influence, driving with a suspended license, aggravated assault, simple assault, recklessly endangering another person, fleeing from police, hit-and-run, resisting arrest and escape. According to police in York, Pa., an officer started following Sparks after seeing him spinning the tires of his pickup. Several infractions later, the officer pulled him over. But police say the suspect sped off. Another officer who caught up with him, grabbed the tailgate and hopped aboard as the pickup drove off yet again. The officer smashed out the glass but still couldn't stop the driver, finally climbing off when the pickup hit a cruiser before speeding off again. The chase ended in the parking lot of the York County prison. Nobody was hurt, but police cars were smashed up, and much fun was had by all. ____________________________________________________
Stunning charcoal drawings on paper.
Our Universe - Galaxies It is almost impossible for the human mind to comprehend such size and distance. And yet, our galaxy is just the beginning of what is in outer space! There is something even more staggering. It is this: So many galaxies have now been detected that it has been said they "are as common as blades of grass in a meadow." About ten billion galaxies are in the observable universe! But there are many more beyond the range of today's telescopes. Some astronomers estimate that there are 100 billion galaxies in the universe! And each galaxy may contain hundreds of billions of stars! Your eyes glaze over reading that, but most people have no problem believing it. However, have you ever met anybody who believes a sign that says "Caution! Wet paint." and did not have to check it with their fingers ?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 31
1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape
of Good Hope, where they would later create the South
African wine industry with the vines they took with them
on the voyage. 

1695 The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted
in many windows being bricked up. 

1775 The British repulsed an attack by Continental Army
generals Richard Montgomery and Benedict Arnold at Quebec.
Montgomery was killed in the battle. 

1841 The State of Alabama enacted the first dental
legislation in the U.S. 

1857 Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the
capital of Canada. 

1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of
incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ. 

1891 New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis
Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive
numbers of arrivals. 

1923 In London, the BBC first broadcast the chimes of Big

1929 Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played "Auld
Lang Syne" as a New Year's Eve song for the first time. 

1955 General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to
earn more than one billion dollars in a single year. 

1960 The farthing coin, which had been in use in Great
Britain since the 13th century, ceased to be legal tender.

1961 In the U.S., the Marshall Plan expired after
distributing more than $12 billion in foreign aid. 

1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own
gold for the first time in more than 40 years. 

1978 Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final
time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The
event marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S.

1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the
start of 1979. 

1986 A fire at the Dupont Plaza Hotel in San Juan, Puerto
Rico, killed 97 and injured 140 people. Three hotel
workers later pled guilty to charges in connection with
the fire. 

1996 NCR Corp. became an independent company. 

1997 Michael Kennedy, 39-year-old son of the late U.S.
Sen. Robert F. Kennedy, was killed in a skiing accident on
Aspen Mountain in Colorado. 

1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime
Minister Vladimir Putin was designated acting president. 

1999 Five hijackers left the airport where they had been
holding 150 hostages on an Indian Airlines plane. They
left with two Islamic clerics that they had demanded be
freed from an Indian prison. The plane had been hijacked
during a flight from Katmandu, Nepal to New Dehli on
December 24. 

1999 Sarah Knauss died at the age of 119 years. She was
the world's oldest person. She was born September 24,

2004 In Taiwan, the Taipei 101 skyscraper opened to the

2016  smiled.

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Can't mail out SMS messages 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh robber charged in death of two men within 4 days
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 30 in 
1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of
land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things." --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Bill: I tried this with my wife and it backfired... I guess it's only true with men... Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have lots of children with you." Sometimes they leave skid marks. ______________________________________________________ Father teaching his daughter to drive: "Stop on red, go on green, and slow down when I turn purple." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Julian Bird, 26, Lake Wales, Floriduh Floriduh robber charged in death of two men within 4 days Winter Haven Police said Julian Bird, 26, was arrested and charged on Dec. 24 with first-degree murder in the death of a Lake Wales gas station owner, Mohammad Alam. Police said Bird killed Alam in October of this year. Bird is currently in the Polk County jail and has received another charge for the shooting death of Jimmie Rogers, Jr. on November 18. Police said Bird and two others attempted to rob Rogers at his apartment complex. As Rogers pulled into the parking lot of the complex, police said Bird confronted the victim and fired into the car, causing Rogers' foot to come off of the brake and sending the vehicle rolling into the back of an apartment. Rogers died at the scene. Bird is charged with first-degree murder and attempted armed robbery. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Can't send SMS Dear Webby, For a long time, I could send a text to my daughter's (or other folks) phone. I still us the old flip phone and don't want to text more than a word or 2 from there. About 3 weeks ago, the text to the other persons phone never arrived. I have played with sending to my phone. Yahoo works, G mail works, and the roadrunner program also works. When I send from Eudora, I never makes it to my phone. Could I have changed a setting for the "out" mail that would prevent the mail from going? thanks again Jim Dear Jim Well,your Eudora gets the mail out. Roadrunner apparently won't send it to phones without extra money. Just use Skype. My rotary phone won't send SMS messages, so I just send them via Skype to their silly Pokemon Chaser. Fast and easy. Worldwide. I rarely send more than "Hey! Get your lazy butt online and onto Skype!" Once they are on Skype, we can video or text back and forth. Have FUN! DearWebby
Bill doesn't see the sense of increasing horsepower and top speed in the new cars with traffic the way it is. The other week on his way home on the Interstate highway, he had to leave the car twice to make payments.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Burnt Sugar in a Stainless Steel Pot I tried all of the above with mixed results. This one works like magic: Remove the loose burnt sugar, then cover the burnt sugar layer with hydrogen peroxide solution sold at all drugstores. Soak for a day or two with the lid on and the burnt on layer will lift right off. Amazing! By Tom
dogs experience snow for first time
____________________________________________________ On her first day the new kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How is THAT gonna help?" ____________________________________________________
Our beautiful planet earth.
A completely inebriated lady was stumbling down the street with one foot on the sidewalk and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, ma'am. You're obviously drunk." The wasted lady asked, "Ociffer, are ya abscholutely schure I'm dwunk?" Yes, ma'am, I'm sure. Otherwise you wouldn't walk with one foot on the sidewalk and one on the street." said the copper. "Come on, let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, she said, "Thank goodnesch, I schought I had loscht the heel off a one of my new schoes."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 30
1460 At the Battle of Wakefield, in England's Wars of the
Roses, the Duke of York was defeated and killed by the

1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of
land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase. 

1879 Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance" was
first performed, at Paignton, Devon, England. 

1880 The Transvaal was declared a republic. Paul Kruger
became its first president. 

1887 A petition to Queen Victoria with over one million names
of women appealing for public houses to be closed on Sundays
was handed to the home secretary. 

1903 About 600 people died when fire broke out at the
Iroquois Theater in Chicago, IL. 

1919 Lincoln's Inn, in London, admitted the first female bar

1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was

1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galactic

1927 The first subway in the Orient was dedicated in Tokyo,

1935 Italian bombers destroyed a Sweedish Red Cross unit in

1936 The United Auto Workers union staged its first sit-down
strike, at the Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI. 

1940 California's first freeway was officially opened. It was
the Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles and Pasadena.

1942 "Mr. and Mrs. North" debuted on NBC radio. 

1944 King George II of Greece proclaimed a regency to rule
his country, virtually renouncing the throne. 

1947 King Michael of Romania abdicated in favor of a
Communist Republic. He claimed he was forced from his throne.

1948 "Kiss Me Kate" opened at the New Century Theatre in New
York City. Cole Porter composed the music for the classic
play that ran for 1,077 performances. 

1953 The first color TV sets went on sale for about $1,175. 

1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of North

1976 The Smothers Brothers, Tom and Dick, played their last
show at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas and retired as a team
from show business. Both continued as solo artists and they
reunited several years later. 

1993 Israel and the Vatican established diplomatic relations.

1996 A passenger train was bombed by Bodo separatists in
India's eastern state of Assam. At least 26 people were
killed and dozens were seriously injured. 

1996 About 250,000 striking workers shut down vital services
across Israel in protests against budget cuts proposed by
Prime Minister Netanyahu. 

1997 More than 400 people were massacred in four villages in
the single worst incident during Algeria's insurgency.

2016  smiled.

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Flash on digital cameras 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 29

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman stole hundreds of toys from Toys for Tots
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 28 in 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. --- Elbert Hubbard Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said while they were around. ---Socratex People will buy anything that is one to a customer. --- Sinclair Lewis Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you-- if you don't play, you can't win. --- Robert Heinlein ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much of a sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!!" ______________________________________________________ Dad gives some advice to his son before his first real date. "Son, when you pick up your date later, make sure you have some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get! It's an exchange thing." So, the son showed up for his date with flowers. She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him and rubbed her fingers through his hair,.... hoping to give him the best kiss that he had ever received. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. "Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'll be right back. There are still TONS of flowers at the cemetery a couple of blocks south of here." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Derek Edwards, 26, Iowa City, Iowa Drunk Driver arrested in festive Christmas sweater The 26-year-old Iowan’s holiday spirit appears to have sagged early Sunday after he was arrested for drunk driving. Following a minor accident, Edwards was found by cops at the wheel of his 2016 Chevrolet Malibu. Edwards, an Iowa City resident, smelled of booze, had bloodshot eyes, and impaired speech, according to a police report. A subsequent Breathalyzer test recorded his blood alcohol content at nearly three times the legal limit. As seen above, the teary Edwards was wearing a festive Christmas sweater when he posed for his mug shot. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Art Re: Flash with digital cameras Dear Webby, You sound like you rally hate flash. Other than for mug- shots of crooks and mother-in-laws, is there ANY time you would use flash, or do you simply NEVER use it? Art Dear Art! There are some exception: Falling snow, smoke, fog. If you want falling snow to show up, use flash. Spiderwebs, especially if they have some dew on them, look gorgeous with flash. The same goes for Halloween pictures. You can nicely enhance them with some smoke. The flash brings out the smoke like a fairly bright ghost. The closer to the camera, the brighter the ghost will be. Cigarette smoke blown up into the path of the flash works great! Sand storms also can be enhanced nicely with flash. However, keep in mind to NEVER shoot against a sand storm unless you have a cheap UV filter in front of the camera lens. A sandstorm will wreck the coating on the camera lens. Also, avoid shooting downwind. If possible shoot at a right angle to the storm and use the anti-red-eye pre-flash. Have FUN! DearWebby
The flowers joke of course reminds me of this one: That of course reminds me of this one: A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier goes up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000." "No problem! I'll write you a check!" "Very good, sir," says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared." So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!" "I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Holiday Decorations Whenever I store something I always mark the contents on the outside of the box with a large permanent markers. For Christmas decorations I also tape a piece of wrapping paper to each box so I can clearly see which boxes contain Christmas items the following year. By Robin
To Be or Not to Be - special guest
____________________________________________________ A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was afraid the shock would give him a heart attack. So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of it to the church." At which the pastor fell over dead. ____________________________________________________
Our beautiful planet earth.
While downtown at a government office, a voice on the office loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work properly in case of emergency." My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact Building Maintenance." At that point all the workers, who were not on the phone already, picked up a phone and started complaining to Building Maintenance.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 29
1170 St. Thomas ŕ Becket, the 40th archbishop of Canterbury,
was murdered in his own cathedral by four knights acting on
Henry II's orders. 

1812 The USS Constitution won a battle with the British ship
HMS Java about 30 miles off the coast of Brazil. Before
Commodore William Bainbridge ordered the sinking of the Java
he had her wheel removed to replace the one the Constitution
had lost during the battle. 

1813 The British burned Buffalo, NY, during the War of 1812. 

1837 Canadian militiamen destroyed the Caroline, a U.S.
steamboat docked at Buffalo, NY. 

1848 U.S. President James Polk turned on the first gas light
at the White House. 

1851 The first American YMCA was organized, in Boston, MA. 

1860 The HMS Warrior, Britain's first seagoing iron-hulled
warship, was launched. 

1890 The U.S. Seventh Cavalry massacred over 400 men, women
and children at Wounded Knee Creek, SD. This was the last
major conflict between Indians and U.S. troops. 

1895 The Jameson Raid from Mafikeng into Transvaal, which
attempted to overthrow Kruger's Boer government, started. 

1911 Sun Yat-sen became the first president of a republican

1913 "The Unwelcome Throne" was released by Selig’s Polyscope
Company. This was a moving picture and the first serial
motion picture. 

1934 The first regular-season college basketball game was
played at Madison Square Garden in New York City. New York
University defeated Notre Dame 25-18. 

1934 Japan renounced the Washington Naval Treaty of 1922 and
the London Naval Treaty of 1930. 

1940 During World War II, Germany began dropping incendiary
bombs on London. 

1945 The mystery voice of Mr. Hush was heard for the first
time on the radio show, "Truth or Consequences", hosted by
Ralph Edwards. 

1945 Sheb Wooley recorded the first commercial record made in
Nashville, TN. 

1949 KC2XAK of Bridgeport, Connecticut became the first
ultrahigh frequency (UHF) television station to begin
operating on a regular daily schedule. 

1952 The first transistorized hearing aid was offered for
sale by Sonotone Corporation. 

1975 A bomb exploded in the main terminal of New York's
LaGuardia Airport. 11 people were killed. 

1985 Phil Donahue and a Soviet radio commentator hosted the
"Citizens’ Summit" via satellite TV. 

1986 The Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables, FL, reopened for
business after eighteen years and $47 million expended on

1989 Following Hong Kong's decision to forcibly repatriate
some Vietnamese refugees, thousands of Vietnamese 'boat
people' battled with riot police. 

1989 Vaclav Havel was elected president of Czechoslovakia by
the country's Federal Assembly. He was the first non-
Communist to hold the position in more than four decades. 

1996 The Guatemalan government and leaders of the leftist
Guatemalan National Revolutionary Union signed a peace accord
in Guatemala City, ending a civil war that had lasted 36

1997 Hong Kong began killing 1.25 million chickens, the
entire population, for fear of the spread of 'bird flu.' 

1998 Khmer Rouge leaders apologized for the 1970s genocide in
Cambodia that claimed 1 million lives. 

2016  smiled.

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Setting up dual monitors 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 29

Thank you, Bonnie!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman stole hundreds of toys from Toys for Tots
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 28 in 
1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "At the end of the game the king and the pawn go back in the same box." --- Italian Proverb "He who seeks a friend without fault remains without." --- Old Turkish Proverb ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ This year's best CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess Walters will be giving a talk on marriage. There will not be any Women Worth Watching this week. Child care provided with reservations. I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you gave me something to drink. The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains. The Boars of Trustees will be meeting Tuesday night at 8PM The activity will take place on the church barking lot. ______________________________________________________ The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. "Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day." "Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "Why? What have ya done now?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tammy Strickland, 38, Eagle Lake, Floriduh Florida woman stole hundreds of toys from Toys for Tots Tammy Strickland is facing charges of grand theft, 28 counts of providing false statement to obtain property, obtaining property by fraud and 164 counts of possessing counterfeit / fictitious identification. A 38-year-old Eagle Lake woman is facing serious charges after deputies said she illegally attempted to collect more than 100 toys from Toys for Tots. According to the Polk County Sheriff's Office, Tammy Strickland used 140 fictitious children’s names and 28 fictitious adult names on falsified “Toys for Tots” applications. Strickland then picked up the toys and loaded them into a trailer Monday at the the Toys for Tots warehouse. She is facing charges of grand theft, 28 counts of providing false statement to obtain property, obtaining property by fraud and 164 counts of possessing counterfeit /fictitious identification. "Children in need. ‘Toys for Tots.’ These things are synonymous with Christmas," Polk Sheriff Grady Judd said. "Sadly, in this case, so is The Grinch. "Tammy Strickland spent a long time filling out fraudulent applications for nonexistent children to receive toys. Now she’ll be spending a lot of time in jail." Strickland is also facing 84 additional felony charges and 13 additional misdemeanor charges for providing a false statement. The 84 new charges relate to 13 fraudulent Toys for Tots applications she submitted to the organization in 2015. Detectives determined that 13 of the 15 applications she submitted in 2015 were for fake children and families -- 13 fictitious adults and 69 fictitious children. The previous charges were for the fake applications she submitted in 2016. Strickland is now facing a total of 248 felonies and 41 misdemeanors. Authorities said they first received a tip last month about Strickland. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Roland Re: Second monitor Dear Webby, My wife visited me at work and got all excited about the dual monitor setup here. Copying data from one spreadsheet on one monitor to another spreadsheet on the other was quite impressive to her, but when we were talking and the screensaver (Mystique) came on, and the olorful flares wafted smoothly from monitor to the other, she lost it and was hooting. Well, to make a long story short, on her way home she did some shopping at Costco, and also bought a second monitor and even a cable for it. By the time I got home, she had unpacked it, made room on her desk, WOW!, and connected it. However, it just showed the lame blue Windows background. She ahs Windows 7, set to Classical background. I didn't set my dual monitors up at work. The IT guy does stuff like that after our working hours. How do I get Windows to use both monitors? Roland Dear Roland Lame Blue sounds like it is working OK. Just drag stuff over there. If you want to swap left and right, hit Windows Key and P Yes, P. I know that makes no sense to us, but probably does to the 50,000 Taliban programmers behind Windows 7. Just hold down the Windows key, with the little Windows flag, and hit P There you can tell it to "Identify" That puts a huge 1 on one monitor and a 2 on the other. You can swap that, and make the other one the main monitor. Just don't tell your kids about that. Kids find it hilarious to swap 1 and 2 and get big sister or mom all flustered. Have FUN! DearWebby
At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you." she said. Then, returning to reality she added, "But if the big oaf is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress, don't wait any longer."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Never Fail Pie Crust Ingredients: 1 1/2 cup flour 1 T. vinegar 1/2 tsp. salt 1 egg 2 Tbsp. cold water 3/4 cup Crisco Directions: Mix flour, salt and Crisco until crumbly. Beat egg, vinegar and water together. Add to flour mixture. Work together quickly. A soft dough will be easier to handle if you let it rest for about 15 minutes. Roll out on a floured pastry board. Place in pie plate and bake at 350 degrees until lightly browned. By Robin
Temptations - Keep Them Busy
____________________________________________________ Giving a man his physical, the doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey, soccer, or some physical sport?" "No," he answered. "I play bridge with my wife." ____________________________________________________
Some brave and talented souls in this old world.
Having gone out for a large lunch with fellow workers, one health conscious young woman from our office was especially motivated to get to the gym after work. Paul, who had been drafted out of retirement to help out over the holidays, and who had also enjoyed a large meal, suggested that she run an extra lap for him. As she was leaving the office, she called to Paul, "Get ready to start huffing and puffing, 'cause I'll be on your lap in half an hour!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 28
1065 Westminster Abbey was consecrated under Edward the

1694 Queen Mary II of England died after five years of
joint rule with her husband, King William III. 

1732 "The Pennsylvania Gazette," owned by Benjamin
Franklin, ran an ad for the first issue of "Poor Richard’s

1832 John C. Calhoun became the first vice president of the
United States to resign, stepping down over differences
with President Jackson. 

1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain. 

1846 Iowa became the 29th state to be admitted to the

1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an
acceptable chewing gum. 

1877 John Stevens applied for a patent for his flour-
rolling mill, which boosted production by 70%. 

1879 In Dundee, Scotland the central portion of the Tay
Bridge collapsed as a train was passing over it. 75 people
were killed. 

1895 In Paris, the first commercial public screening of
cinematographic films took place. 

1897 "Cyrano de Bergerac," the play by Edmond Rostand,
premiered in Paris, France. 

1902 The first professional indoor football game was played
at Madison Square Garden in New York City. Syracuse
defeated the Philadelphia Nationals 6-0. 

1908 An earthquake killed over 75,000 at Messina in Sicily.

1912 The first municipally-owned street cars were used on
the streets of San Francisco, CA. 

1917 The New York Evening Mail published a facetious essay
by H.L. Mencken on the history of bathtubs in America. 

1937 The Irish Free State became the Republic of Ireland
when a new constitution established the country as a
sovereign state under the name of Eire. 

1942 R.O. Sullivan crossed the Atlantic Ocean for the 100th

1945 The U.S. Congress officially recognized the "Pledge of

1950 The Peak District became Britain's first designated
National Park. 

1964 Initial filming of the movie "Dr. Zhivago" began on
location near Madrid, Spain. The movies total running time
is 197 minutes. 

1973 The Chamber of Commerce of Akron, OH, terminated its
association with the All-American Soap Box Derby. It was
stated that the race had become "a victim of cheating and

1973 Alexander Solzhenitsyn published "Gulag Archipelago,"
an expose of the Soviet prison system. 

1981 Elizabeth Jordan Carr, the first American test-tube
baby, was born in Norfolk, VA. 

1982 Nevell Johnson Jr. was mortally wounded by a police
officer in a Miami video arcade. The event set off three
days of race related disturbances that left another man

1987 The bodies of 14 relatives of R. Gene Simmons were
found at his home near Dover, AR. Simmons had gone on a
shooting spree in Russellville that claimed two other

1989 Alexander Dubcek, who had been expelled from the
Communist Party in 1970, was elected speaker of the Czech

1991 Nine people died in a rush to get into a basketball
game at City College in New York. 

1995 Pressure from German prosecutors investigating
pornography forced CompuServe to set a precedent by
blocking access to sex-oriented newsgroups on the Internet
for its customers. 

2000 U.S. District Court Judge Matsch held a hearing to
ensure that confessed Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh
understood that he was dropping his appeals. McVeigh said
that he wanted an execution date set but wanted to reserve
the right to seek presidential clemency. 

2016  smiled.

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How to get rid of Desktop Gadgets 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, December 27

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida crook arrested for carjacking 
used-car salesman during Broward test drive
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 26 in 
1900 Carrie Nation staged her first raid on a saloon at the
Carey Hotel in Wichita, KS. She broke each and every one of
the liquor bottles that could be seen. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952) Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms. --- Alan Corenk Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival. --- W. Edwards Deming You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. --- Jack London ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ It was the day after Christmas. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant Jesus. So he walked up the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?" The little boy replied, "I got him from the church." "And why did you take Him?" The little boy said, "About a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told Him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give Him a ride around the block in it." ______________________________________________________ Men's four stages of life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joshua Maxwell, 27, Fort Lauderdale, Floriduh Florida crook arrested for carjacking used-car salesman during Broward test drive A man who carjacked a used-car salesman during a test drive put some planning into the crime, according to the FBI. But Joshua Maxwell apparently didn't take care of every last detail, authorities said. Maxwell was arrested just days after the violent incident, partly because employees at the CarMax dealership in Davie made a copy of his driver license before he was allowed to go on the test drive, agents testified. Maxwell, 27, pleaded not guilty to a carjacking charge at a hearing Friday in federal court in Fort Lauderdale. Agents said Maxwell used a jagged piece of copper pipe to beat and stab the salesman during the Nov. 11 carjacking. The salesman, identified only by his initials, was injured and had to get "numerous stitches" in his head and chest, according to court records. Maxwell visited the dealership on State Road 84 on Nov. 10 and Nov. 11, agents said. During the second visit, he said he wanted to buy a 2012 Dodge Charger and the two men took the car for a test drive shortly after 10 a.m. Maxwell, who was driving at the time, told the salesman he had recently won the lottery and planned to pay for the car in cash, agents said. He also said he owned a mobile car washing business. Near the end of the test drive, the salesman told Maxwell to stop and switch positions so the salesman could drive the car back into the dealership lot. The salesman noticed Maxwell had left the car in "drive" so he reached over from the passenger side and put it in "park." Agents said Maxwell started beating the salesman about the head with the metal pipe, which Maxwell had concealed. The salesman tried to get out of the car but said Maxwell grasped his shirt and kept beating him, agents said. As the salesman finally managed to get out of the vehicle, Maxwell held onto him and followed him out the passenger door, then stabbed him in the chest, investigators said. Maxwell took off in the car and the salesman, injured and bleeding, walked back to the lot, according to court records. He was treated and released from hospital that day. The salesman identified Maxwell as the carjacker and the car was found three days later, abandoned in Lauderhill. Part of the crime was captured on video and Maxwell's foster mom identified him from a still photo taken from the footage, according to agents. Agents said she had asked Maxwell, a self-employed handyman, to move out of her Fort Lauderdale home after he stole her hurricane shutters on her birthday. Some birthday present! He should get a year in jail for that too! One week after the carjacking, Maxwell was arrested on a shoplifting allegation in Plantation. When FBI agents interviewed him, they said he admitted committing the carjacking and said he planned to steal the car so he could sell it. Maxwell told authorities he was homeless and had been living in a white cargo van that was parked near where he was arrested in Plantation. Investigators found "multiple baseball bats and a stun gun" in the van, prosecutor Jodi Anton said in court. On Friday, the judge ordered that Maxwell, who is also facing unrelated state charges, will remain jailed while the federal case is pending. If convicted of carjacking, the maximum punishment is 15 years in federal prison. The minimum is probation. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: How to get rid of desktop gadgets Dear Webby, Having trouble with my wife's Dell Desk Top Inspiron 530. She has Vista SP 1 Home Premium Edition. On her Desk Top she has several gadgets which are causing a problem in trying to delete them. When I try to delete them her computer freezes and I cannot move the cursor, therefore I cannot restart the computer. I have to pull the plug from the outlet and wait then start the computer. I then go through the same steps with the same results. I went to the control panel to find Gadgets to delete them but could not find them. I've run a McAfee virus program, CCleaner and Malwarebytes and cannot eliminate this problem. I need advise on how to eliminate gadgets from this computer as she does not need them. Your help is greatly appreciated. Daily Voter Bob Faria Dear Bob Microsoft banned the Gadgets, because they are a security risk. However, they banned VISTA too, because it is a security risk AND a piece of crap. They don't want to talk about it. The gadgets are enabled via that hokey "Sidebar". To remove the Sidebar, right-click anywhere on the Sidebar and select Close Sidebar. Uncheck "Start Sidebar when Windows starts", and then click OK. That should do the trick. Have FUN! DearWebby
At a Boxing Day sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters In Washington, DC for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered that when you press it, it plays 'Jingle Bells.'"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dishwasher Cubes By melissa [293 Posts, 425 Comments] I decided to make my own dishwasher detergent cubes because they are cheaper and healthier. Have you read some of the ingredients in the store bought kind? That residue lingers on your dishes and you are ingesting trace amounts every day. No thank you! These are also easy to make and require common ingredients. Total Time: About 6 hours total with drying time... Yield: 18 cubes Source: Pinterest inspired Supplies: 1 cup borax 1 cup washing soda 1 cup vinegar 2 Tbsp lemon juice ice cube trays Steps: Add borax and washing soda to a large bowl, mix well. Dishwasher Cubes Add vinegar and lemon juice, mix well. Dishwasher Cubes Pour evenly into 18 ice cube squares. Continue to stir as you pour, otherwise the powders will sink to the bottom. Let dry around 5 hours. Carefully pop out of the trays and let dry another hour or so on wax paper. Place in a container and use 1 per load of dishes. I picked this glass jar up at a thrift shop. If your water is especially hard, you may want to add vinegar and coarse salt to the prewash. This should aid in reducing film and hard water spots. **If these do not fit into your dispenser very well, I would suggest pouring your liquid into 36 cubes and using 2 per load. Otherwise, just break in half. :)
Temptations - Keep Them Busy
____________________________________________________ All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card. ____________________________________________________
It took me a couple of minutes to see the illusion but once you see it you can't unsee it..
Jock and Angus, two craggy Scots, were sitting before the clubhouse fireplace after 18 holes on a raw, blustery Christmas Day. The ice slowly melted from their beards and collected in puddles under their chairs. Outside, the wind howled off the North Sea and snow and hail rattled against the windows. The pair sat in silence over their whiskies. Finally, Jock spoke, "Next Monday, same time?" "Aye," Angus replied, "weather permittin'."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 27
1703 The Methuen Treaty was signed between Portugal and
England, giving preference to the import of Portuguese wines
into England. 

1831 Charles Darwin set out on a voyage to the Pacific aboard
the HMS Beagle. Darwin's discoveries during the voyage helped
him form the basis of his theories on evolution. 

1845 Dr. Crawford Williamson Long used anesthesia for
childbirth for the first time. The event was the delivery of
his own child in Jefferson, GA. 

1900 Carrie Nation staged her first raid on a saloon at the
Carey Hotel in Wichita, KS. She broke each and every one of
the liquor bottles that could be seen. 

1927 Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party. 

1938 The first skimobile course in America opened in North
Conway, NH. 

1945 The World Bank was created with an agreement signed by
28 nations. 

1947 The children's television program "Howdy Doody," hosted
by Bob Smith, made its debut on NBC. 

1949 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands granted sovereignty to
Indonesia after more than 300 years of Dutch rule. 

1951 In Cincinnati, OH, a Crosley automobile, with a steering
wheel on the right side, became the first vehicle of its kind
to be placed in service for mail delivery. 

1965 The BP oil rig Sea Gem capsized in the North Sea, with
the loss of 13 lives. 

1978 Spain adopted a new constitution and became a democracy
after 40 years of dictatorship. 

1979 Soviet forces seized control of Afghanistan. Babrak
Karmal succeeded President Hafizullah Amin, who was
overthrown and executed. 

1985 Palestinian guerrillas opened fire inside the Rome and
Vienna airports. A total of twenty people were killed,
including five of the attackers, who were slain by police and
security personnel. 

1985 Dian Fossey, an American naturalist, was found murdered
at a research station in Rawanda. 

1992 The U.S. shot down an Iraqi fighter jet during what the
Pentagon described as a confrontation between a pair of Iraqi
warplanes and U.S. F-16 jets in U.N.-restricted airspace over
southern Iraq. 

1996 Muslim fundamentalist Taliban forces retook the
strategic air base of Bagram, solidifying their buffer zone
around Kabul, the Afghanistan capital. 

1997 In Northern Ireland, Billy Wright was assassinated while
imprisoned as a Protestant paramilitary leader. 

2000 Mario Lemeiux (Pittsburgh Penguins) returned to the
National Hockey League (NHL) as a player after over 3 years
of retirement. He was the first owner-player in the modern
era of pro sports. Lemieux had purchased the Pittsburgh
Penguins during his retirement from playing. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush granted China permanent
normal trade status with the United States. 

2002 North Korea ordered U.N. nuclear inspectors to leave the
country and said that it would restart a laboratory capable
of producing plutonium for nuclear weapons. 

2002 Clonaid announced the birth of the first cloned human
baby. The baby had been born December 26. 

2002 In Chechnya, at least 40 people were killed when suicide
bombers attacked the administartion of Grozny.

2016  smiled.

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Backing up onto camera chips 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, December 26

Rudolphians, today is Boxing Day! 
Get your knee and elbow pads on! 
Stampede Walmart! 

Christians, today is Boxing Day!
Cut and fold the empty boxes and sneak them into the
nearest dumster, that is not padlocked.

Jews: Hanukkah it stil is. There is still food!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Teen Texts Mom to Grab Drugs From Car After Crash
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 26 in 
1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese? --- Charles De Gaulle (1890 - 1970) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. "Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?" "No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a big operation today, but we are rather low on anesthetics, so we need a good size rock." ______________________________________________________ Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!" ______________________________________________________ Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me! The whole world hates me!" Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Not everybody hates you. Lots of people don't even know you yet." ______________________________________________________ Bit chilly? It's still 4 days till the Polar Bear Swim. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicholas Hipp, 19, Delray Beach, Floriduh Florida Teen Texts Mom to Grab Drugs From Car After Crash Officials say a teenager texted his mother from the back of an ambulance after he was injured in a crash, asking her to grab a drug-filled suitcase from the trunk of the car. An arrest report says a Delray Beach paramedic watched 19- year-old Nicholas Hipp type the words Monday and alerted police. They searched the car and found nearly 150 Alprazolam pills - commonly known as Xanax - and about a gram of marijuana. They also found a glass pipe and a scale. The Palm Beach Post reports Hipp told deputies he buys medication on the street because he doesn't agree with the pharmacy industry. He faces multiple drug charges and was ordered to stay away from nonprescription drugs and alcohol. An attorney wasn't listed on jail records. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Trevor Re: Back-up onto camera chips Dear Webby, I have followed your advice about backing up my spreadsheets onto camera chips for years, never any problem. I am surprised you mention that it would not work for email. Why is that? Trevor Dear Trevor If you have twenty odd years of email, you are obviously not using Outloook or Outlook Express. Those two would have suicided a few times in that period and zeroed the accumulated mail. However, with most other email programs you would still have not just all the mails, but also all the pictures. If some of your fans use Incredimail and litter childish gifs and cutesy little pictures, they amount to an awful lot of files over the years. Windows can only store about 50,000 of them per folder on a chip. That's it. All the jumping up and down and yelling and screaming about plenty of room on your $20 64 GIGAbyte chip won't do you any good. For email, or anything with more than 40,000 files per folder, you have to use an external hard drive, or slowly burn it onto a DVD, or even slower, trundle it up to a cloud. Just look for a good deal for 1 TeraByte external drives. Or smaller. 500 GB is plenty, but they are getting scarce. Then you can use Xcopy (in DOS, already on your machine) to selectively copy just those files, that have changed since the last back-up. That really speeds things up! Xcopy has been ported from UNIX and with it you can make Windows "Fault Tolerant". Normally Windows isn't. THat is why the military uses UNIX or Linux. For example, when you copy a bunch of files with Windows "copy", if it hits a snag on file #7 out of 27,456 files, it quits at #7. Usually without telling you. That seems to be OK for Microsoft, but is NOT good enough for me. With Xcopy you can get it to act as if it was on Linux or UNIX, and continue it's work. In my not so humble opinion, for backups that is extremely important. Have FUN! DearWebby
Trisha was busy giving the very patient clerk a difficult time. Nothing he produced was exactly what she wanted. In a fake fit of exasperation, Trisha screamed in annoyance: "Isn't there a smarter clerk to serve me?" "No," said the clerk. "When the smarter clerk saw you coming in the door, he ran and took an early lunch!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ham and Broccoli Pockets By lalala... [787 Posts, 103 Comments] These delicious ham and broccoli pockets are easy to make. They can easily be made with your favorite fillings. They are a great alternative to store bought Hot Pockets. Total Time: 30 minutes Yield: 12 pockets Supplies: 2 pkg. prepared pizza dough 1 1/4 cup cooked ham, chopped small 1 cup broccoli florets, chopped small 1 cup cheddar cheese, grated 2 Tbsp milk 2 Tbsp water Steps: Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Chop ham steak into small cubes. Rinse broccoli florets and chop into small pieces. Grate cheddar cheese. Combine all filling ingredients in large mixing bowl. Open can of pizza dough and unroll it onto a lightly floured cutting board. Using a knife, cut it into 6 sections. Place 1/3 cup filling mixture onto one side of each section of dough. Using your fingers brush all edges of each section of dough with water. Then carefully fold the dough over the filling and press the edges shut. Place the pockets onto a cookie sheet. Use your fingers to brush milk onto the top of each pocket. Bake at 400 degrees F for 15-17 minutes, or until golden brown. Serve warm. Instead of grating expensive cheese, look for family packs of already grated cheese. You usually get more cheese by weight per dollar! Have FUN! DearWebby
You Shall Not Pass, Dog!
____________________________________________________ The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap. Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, "And what do you want for Christmas?" "Something for my mother," said the young lady. "Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you," smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her?" Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!" ____________________________________________________
Centuries old mummies found in cave in the Philippines.
Q: What's the difference between a snowblower and a bagpipe? A: Snowblowers can be tuned.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 26

1620 The Pilgrim Fathers landed at New Plymouth, MA, to
found Plymouth Colony, with John Carver as Governor. 

1776 The British suffered a major defeat in the Battle of
Trenton during the American Revolutionary War. 

1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason.

1898 Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium. 

1908 Texan boxer "Galveston Jack" Johnson knocked out
Tommy Burns in Sydney, Australia, to become the first
black boxer to win the world heavyweight title. 

1917 During World War I, the U.S. government took over
operation of the nation's railroads. 

1921 The Catholic Irish Free State became a self-governing
dominion of Great Britain. 

1941 Winston Churchill became the first British prime
minister to address a joint meeting of the U.S. Congress. 

1941 U.S. President Roosevelt signed a resolution that set
a fixed-date, the fourth Thursday of November, for the
Federal Thanksgiving Day holiday. 

1943 The German battlecruiser Scharnhorst was sunk in the
North Sea, during the Battle of North Cape. 

1944 Tennessee Williams' play "The Glass Menagerie" was
first performed publicly at the Civic Theatre in Chicago,

1947 Heavy snow blanketed the Northeast United States,
burying New York City under 25.8 inches of snow in 16
hours. The severe weather was blamed for about 80 deaths. 

1953 "Big Sister" was heard for the last time on CBS
Radio. The show ran for 17 years. 

1956 Fidel Castro attempted a secret landing in Cuba to
overthrow the Batista regime. All but 11 of his supporters
were killed. 

1959 The first charity walk took place, along Icknield
Way, in aid of the World Refugee Fund. 

1974 Comedian Jack Benny died at age 80. 

1982 The Man of the Year in "TIME" magazine was a
computer. It was the first time a non-human received the

1986 Doug Jarvis, age 31, set a National Hockey League
(NHL) record as he skated in his 916th consecutive game.
Jarvis eventually set the individual record for most
consecutive games played with 964. 

1991 The Soviet Union's parliament formally voted the
country out of existence. 

1995 Israel turned dozens of West Bank villages over to
the Palestinian Authority. 

1996 Six-year-old beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey was found
beaten and strangled in the basement of her family's home
in Boulder, CO. 

1998 Iraq announced that it would fire on U.S. and British
warplanes that patrol the skies over northern and southern

1999 Alfonso Portillo, a populist lawyer, won Guatemala's
first peacetime presidential elections in 40 years. 

2000 Michael McDermott, age 42, opened fire at his place
of employment killing seven people. McDermott had no
criminal history. 

2002 The first cloned human baby was born. The
announcement was made the December 27 by Clonaid. 

2004 Under the Indian Ocean, a 9.0 magnitude earthquake
sent 500-mph waves across the Indian Ocean and Bay of
Bengal. The tsunami killed at least 283,000 people in a
dozen countries, including Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Sumatra,
Thailand and India.

2016  smiled.

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Back-up programs 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, December 25

Rudolphians, you have ONE day of saving money 
till Boxing Day! Get your knee and elbow pads ready!

Christians, today is Christmas Day!
Merry Christmas! 

Jews: Hanukkah it stil is. There is still food!

Thank you, Jim!!
Thank you, Joseph!
Thank you, Paul!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Crooks in fatal Homestead bank shootout were brothers
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 25 in 
1818 "Silent Night" was performed for the first time, 
at the Church of St. Nikolaus in Oberndorff, Austria. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high. --- Adrienne E. Gusoff We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us. --- George Eliot (1819 - 1880) "Here's a holiday shopping tip. Here's what I do and it works pretty good. When you're buying your Christmas tree, be sure to bring along a pair of scissors, so when you find the perfect tree, you can just cut that little tag off that says "sold". ---Jay Leno ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married ?" "Yes, sir, once" said the witness in a low voice. "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman! Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man ?" The witness said meekly, "MY mother did." ______________________________________________________ When Paul picked up his Ford Escort at the service station after some minor service, he paid $75 by check as usual. A couple of weeks later, he came home from work to find his wife quite upset. She gave him the silent treatment until he figured out why she was so angry. She had noticed the canceled check and, on the memo line he had written "Escort Service." ______________________________________________________ John was tasked with bringing the Christmas decorations up from the basement and start decorating the house and tree. During one trek up the stairs, heavily laden with boxes, he slipped fell all the way down to the bottom in a great big messy pile. Jill heard the noise and yelled, "What was that thump?" "I just fell down the stairs," he explained. "Anything broken?" asked Jill "No," John groaned, "I'm fine." There was just a slight pause before he heard Jill say, "No, I meant my decorations! Is anything important broken?" ------------- I remember a wife like her. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a DARWIN AWARD has been earned by Edgar Fonseca Morales Giobel Fonseca Canete Homestead, Floriduh Crooks in fatal Homestead bank shootout were brothers The suspects involved in a robbery attempt that turned into a fatal shootout outside a Homestead bank have been identified as two brothers. Edgar Fonseca Morales was killed in Tuesday's shootout at the TD Bank at 2495 Northeast 8th Street, while his brother, Giobel Fonseca Canete, was wounded and is now facing charges, according to a criminal complaint. The complaint said the brothers were sitting in an SUV when a GardaWorld armored truck, carrying a driver and a messenger, arrived just before 4 p.m. to deliver cash. Morales, who was armed with a shotgun, and Canete, who was armed with a handgun, got out of their SUV and confronted the messenger when the shootout ensued, the complaint said. Morales was shot in the chest and the head and was pronounced dead at the scene. Canete was shot in the thigh and fled the scene in the SUV, but was caught a short time later on the Florida Turnpike, the complaint said. The complaint said a witness followed the SUV after the shootout and was able to help police track it down. The messenger was shot in the hip area and was taken to a nearby hospital. Exclusive footage obtained by NBC 6 showed the messenger writhing in pain on the ground in the aftermath of the shootout. Canete was also hospitalized and later told authorities that they attempted the robbery with the help of an employee of the armored truck company, the complaint said. Canete is facing charges in the bank robbery and for using a firearm during a crime. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sabina Re: Back-up program Dear Webby, That Backup from Microslop is totally useless. What the heck were their Taliban programmers smoking? Windoze backup wants to back up onto the same hard drive! Bad dope! And they whine against removable drives. Worse dope! What do you recommend? Dear Sabina PC-Magazine has a really good comparison article. Keep in mind, their reporters have never in their life paid for any software or hardware. They just compare free courtesy samples. That gives you an evaluatin based strictly on performance. Take your pick there. It is a surprisingly good article. They missed one really good one: Laplink. I actually got that, but unfortunately not installed. Been too busy, and was going to do it some day soon. Yes, go ahead, kick me! And again! With Laplink you can "Move" onto a new machine, or "move" onto a DVD. When your hard drive gets sabotaged by a Windoze update, you just format it and "move" back onto it. Btw, when I was at Staples getting a 64 GB camera chip for under $20 for backing some stuff onto, the tech there told me that every month they see about 10 machines, that have been sabotaged by Windoze Updates. For a small town like this, that is an awful lot. Your turn is coming! Don't try using camera chips for your entire mail folder, if you have 20 years worth of mail, that has never been weeded out! The Windoze file system can't handle that. However, they are fast for smaller stuff like your spreadsheets or docs or address files. Those go fast and easy onto camera chips. For larger folders, or the entire machine, get yourself a USB connected external drive. You can usually find 1 TeraByte drives, with case, for under $100. Isn't your data worth that much? Have FUN! DearWebby
An elderly gentleman checked into a New York hotel. The clerk mentioned the phone service the establishment made available for calling guests who wished to rise at an early hour. "No need for that, young man," snapped the old timer. "I always wake up at five A.M. sharp - without an alarm clock." "Very good, sir," the clerk replied, then asked, "Would you mind calling me at six?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from
Thriftyfun.com Use Less Fabric Softener When using fabric softener in the wash, I use a fraction of the amount suggested on the packaging and add water to make up the difference. The wash comes out just as soft and nicely scented. By Kelly
Santa's bridge
____________________________________________________ A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." "What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?" "Look Around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what were the types. The saleslady replied, "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?" Still confused the man asked "What is the difference between them?" The lady responded, "It is all really simple." The Catholic type supports the masses, The Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills." ____________________________________________________
The Christmas story told by kids. MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!
Q: What's the difference between a snowblower and a bagpipe? A: Snowblowers can be tuned.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 25
0800 Charlemagne was crowned first Holy Roman Emperor in
Rome by Pope Leo III. 

1066 William the Conqueror was crowned king of England. 

1223 St. Francis of Assisi assembled one of the first
Nativity scenes, in Greccio, Italy. 

1776 Gen. George Washington and his troops crossed the
Delaware River for a surprise attack against Hessian forces
at Trenton, NJ. 

1818 "Silent Night" was performed for the first time, at the
Church of St. Nikolaus in Oberndorff, Austria. 

1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson granted an unconditional
pardon to all persons involved in the Southern rebellion
that resulted in the Civil War. 

1896 John Philip Sousa finally titled the melody "The Stars
and Stripes Forever." 

1914 During World War I, British and German troops observed
an unofficial truce and even playing football together on
the Western Front. 

1926 Hirohito became the emperor of Japan after the death of
his father Emperor Taisho. 

1930 The Mt. Van Hoevenberg bobsled run at Lake Placid, New
York opened to the public. It was the first bobsled track of
international specifications to open in the U.S. 

1939 "A Christmas Carol," by Charles Dickens, was read on
CBS radio for the first time. 

1941 Hong Kong surrendered to the Japanese. 

1946 W.C. Fields died at the age of 66. 

1962 The Department of Commerce Census Clock in Washington,
DC, recorded the U.S. population on this day as 188,000,000.

1972 The Nicaraguan capital Managua was hit by an
earthquake. Over 10,000 people were killed. 

1979 The USSR invaded Afghanistan in a bid to halt civil war
and protect USSR interests. 

1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his
wife, Elena, were executed following a popular uprising. 

1989 Dissident playwright Vaclav Havel was elected president
of Czechoslovakia. 

1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev went on
television to announce his resignation as leader of a
Communist superpower that had already gone out of existence.

2000 Over 300 people were killed and dozens were injured by
fire at a Christmas party in the Chinese city of Luoyang.
The incident occurred at the Dongdu Disco.

2016  smiled.

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Make a computer recoverable 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 24

For believers in Walmartism and Shoppianity,
today is all the shopping time you got left!

Rudolphians, you have ONE day of saving money 
till Boxing Day!

Christians, tomorrow is Christmas Day!
Merry Christmas! 

Jews, TODAY Hanukkah is. Blessed Hanukkah! 
The Matzo balls you pass!

 >From Hermon:
Wanted to send something to show my appreciation for the
humor and ALL the tips.... Sorry about Mr. Gates program
I think everyone who missed the letter should send in a
donation, and you can quote me on that, PLEASE.
               Hermon in Kentucky

Thanks Hermon!!! My Hero!

Thank you, Lillemor!!!

Thank you, Joseph!!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Arkansas man arrested after he shot and murdered a 
3 year old in his gramma's car.
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 24 in 
1818 Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Austria composed the music 
for "Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ First there is a time when we believe everything, then for a little while we believe with discrimination, then we believe nothing whatever, and then we believe everything again - and, moreover, give reasons why we believe. --- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Chinese are getting fed up with high Beam offenders: ______________________________________________________ There was a guy walking in the woods one night. As he walked further he fell off the side of a cliff and just as he fell, he reached and grab a tree branch. He thought for sure he was going to die, but he remember learning as a child: when you're in trouble call on God. So he called up to Heaven, "Lord are you up there?" A few seconds go by and not a word from heaven. The man calls again, "Lord are you up there?" And again the lord did not response. This time the man made a promise to God, "if you are there I will serve you if you help me." The Lord responded and said, "my son do you trust me?" "Yes," replied the man. The Lord ask him again, "my son do you trust me"? "Yes I do", replied the man. God said, "let the branch go." A few seconds of silence go by, and the man yelled, "is there anybody else up there?" ______________________________________________________ A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for ten years!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gary Holmes, 33, Little Rock, Arkansas. Arkansas man arrested after he shot and murdered a 3 year old in his gramma's car. Police say they've captured the man accused of shooting and killing a 3-year-old boy during an apparent road rage case in Little Rock, Arkansas. Gary Holmes, 33, faces capital murder and terroristic act charges in connection with the shooting, Pulaski County Sheriff's Office spokesman Lt. Cody Burk said. Gary Holmes is accused of killing 3-year-old Acen King. The arrest comes almost a week after Acen King was gunned down in the back seat of his grandmother's car. The shooting sparked a community outcry, and police had offered a $40,000 reward for information leading to an arrest and conviction in the case. The boy's grandmother told police the incident began when a man in a car behind her at a stop sign started honking his horn, apparently upset she wasn't moving quickly enough. The grandmother honked her horn, too. Then, police said, the man got out of his black Chevrolet Impala and fired into her car. "One shot was fired, and it went through the vehicle and hit the child," said Lt. Steven McClanahan, Little Rock police spokesman. Not realizing that the boy had been hit, the woman drove to a J.C. Penney about nine miles away. When she went to get him out of the car, she saw that her grandson was wounded, according to a police incident report. "She didn't know he was shot," a bystander told the 911 operator after speaking with the grandmother. One of the callers, describing what happened, to the 911 operator, said the grandmother feverishly performed CPR after the child sustained a neck wound. The boy was transferred to the Arkansas Children's Hospital, where he was pronounced dead. A 1-year-old child was also in the car at the time of the shooting, according to the police report. Police said they believe the grandmother and the slain boy had no relationship with the gunman. Since the killer had gotten out of his car to shoot the baby, he will face first degree murder chrges. BLM (Black Lies & Murder) ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marlene Re: Safeguard the computer Dear Webby, I had looked at the newsletter everyday, even this morning but no updates. after seeing this post, I went back to the newsletter and it was there ! Sorry you had a problem but worried because if they can get you what can I do to prevent. turned off auto updates, maybe that will help. I go into withdrawals without you every day. Marlene Dear Marlene Marlene, use a good back-up program, NOT THE ONE FROM MICROSLOP! I found out today that you can get a 64 GB camera chip at Staples for under $20. Back up onto that every night. Only then are you safe. You probably don`t have more than 64 GB worth of irreplaceable stuff. No point backing up programs, since you would have to download and do a fresh install anyway. Just the data, Ma'am! Have FUN! DearWebby
If a man is in the forest, all alone, and there isn't a woman around for ten miles, is he still wrong? No, not if he keeps his mouth shut.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Bowl Scraper When Making Scrambled Egg By gem [155 Posts, 265 Comments] Tired of wasting good eggs to the edges of your frying pan and having a real mess to clean up? Let's face it, scrambled eggs seem to leave a film around the outer edge every time you cook them and I won't go into the detail of having them swim around in the dish water. Well here is how I dealt with the problem and the clean up is a snap. Instead of using a spatula, that doesn't take the eggs off the sides of the pan, I use a rubber bowl scraper. If your heat isn't super high, this will solve all your problems. You can buy usually 3 bowl scrapers in a pack for about a dollar almost anywhere. I have found this technique doesn't hurt the scraper and you will have two added benefits. One is that you use all the egg because the scraper is shaped to follow the edges of the pan. Secondly your cleanup is a snap. So next time you scramble eggs try this little technique and find out how very simple and easy it is.
Santa's bridge
____________________________________________________ A young man wanted to get his beautiful wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day she goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband. "Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?" She replies, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Walmart?" ____________________________________________________
Coin stacking. Someone has a lot of time on his hands.
Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those elves, two of the big reindeer, two of the small reindeer, and one of those bent-over Mrs Santa with the hilarious bloomers." The cashier replied: "That'll be eight dollars for the elves, ten dollars for thebig reindeer, six dollars for the small reindeer, and an apology to my wife!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 24

1814 The War of 1812 between the U.S. and Britain was ended
with the signing of the Treaty of Ghent in Belgium. 

1818 Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Austria composed the music
for "Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr. 

1828 William Burke who, with his partner William Hare, dug
up the dead and murdered to sell the corpses for dissection,
went on trial in Edinburgh. 

1851 A fire devastated the Library of Congress in
Washington, DC, destroying about 35,000 volumes. 

1865 Several veterans of the Confederate Army formed a
private social club in Pulaski, TN, called the Ku Klux Klan.

1906 Reginald A. Fessenden became the first person to
broadcast a music program over radio, from Brant Rock, MA. 

1914 In World War I, the first air raid on Britain was made
when a German airplane dropped a bomb on the grounds of a
rectory in Dover. 

1928 The first broadcast of "The Voice of Firestone" was

1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt appointed Gen. Dwight
D. Eisenhower supreme commander of Allied forces as part of
Operation Overlord. 

1944 A German submarine torpedoed the Belgian transport ship
S.S. Leopoldville with 2,235 soldiers aboard. About 800
American soldiers died. The soldiers were crossing the
English Channel to be reinforcements at the battle that
became known as the Battle of the Bulge. 

1948 The first completely solar-heated house became occupied
in Dover, MA. 

1951 Libya achieved independence as the United Kingdom of
Libya, under King Idris. 

1965 A meteorite landed on Leicestershire. It weighed about

1966 Luna 13 landed on the moon. 

1968 Three astronauts, James A. Lovell, William Anders and
Frank Borman, reached the moon. They orbited the moon 10
times before coming back to Earth. Seven months later man
first landed on the moon. 

1979 Soviet troops invaded Afghanistan in support of the
country's Marxist government. 

1985 Fidel Castro, the Cuban president, announced that he
was a non-smoker. 

1989 Ousted Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega took refuge at
the Vatican's diplomatic mission in Panama City. 

1990 Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were married. 

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush pardoned former Defense
Secretary Caspar Weinberger and five others in the Iran-
Contra scandal. 

1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, known as "Carlos the Jackal,"
was sentenced by a French court to life in prison for the
1975 murders of two French investigators and a Lebanese

1998 At Disneyland in Anaheim, CA, a tourist was hit by a
piece of flying metal while waiting to board a ride. The
man's wife and a Disneyland employee were also injured. Luan
Phi Dawson died December 26th from his injuries. 

1999 Ivory Coast President Henri Konan Bédié was overthrown
in a coup. 

1999 An Indian Airlines plane was seized during a flight
from Katmandu, Nepal, to New Delhi. In Afghanistan, the 150
hostages were freed on December 31 after India released
three Kashmir militants from prison. 

2000 36 minutes after the end of a game, both the New
England Patriots and the Miami Dolphins were called back to
the playing field. The teams had to play the final 3 seconds
of the game which the Dolphins had won 27-24. The end result
did not change. 

2000 The "Texas 7," seven convicts that had escaped a Texas
prison, robbed a sports store in Irving, TX. The suspects
killed Officer Aubrey Hawkins, stole $70,000, 25 weapons and
clothing. The men had escaped on December 13.

2016  smiled.

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How to set XP machines to restart automatically after power failure 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 17

For believers in Walmartism and Shoppianity,
only 7 days of shopping left!
Rudolphians, you have 9 days of saving money 
till Boxing Day!

Christians, it's 8 days till Christmas. 

Jews, you have 7 days until Hanukkah.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh armed robber gets tenderized by ex-wrestler
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 17 in 
1777 France recognized American independence to annoy
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses. --- Isaac Asimov I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. --- Victor Hugo You can tell the character of every man when you see how he receives praise. --- Seneca the Younger You can tell the character of anybody by how they treat a waitress. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Daniel A Newfie is visiting Texas and starts a conversation with a Texan at a local bar. The Texan asks the Newfie where he's from and the Newfie says, "You know where New York is?" The Texan says, "Yeh, yeh, I know where New York is." The Newfie says, "Well bye, you just drive north of dere about 6 hours, turn right for 3 hours and catch a 6 hour ferry and you're there in Newfoundland." The Texan says "That's got to be close to China!" The Newfie thinks about this and then says, "Lard tunderin' Jaysus bye", I tink you might be right....... I work with a Chinese guy and he goes home for lunch every day! ______________________________________________________ >From Kate As I was walking home this week worrying about all the crap going on in Washington, Ottawa, London, Moscow, Ukraine, the Middle East, etc., and how America is falling apart, I saw a yard sign that said: NEED HELP? CALL JESUS 1-800-005-3787 Out of curiosity and desperation, I did. A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower. ______________________________________________________ After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jason Felix, 35, Coral Springs, Floriduh Floriduh armed robber gets tenderized by ex-wrestler A crook didn’t know what was coming to him when he tried to rob a former pro wrestler at a Valero gas station. Former WWE star Shad Gaspard hasn’t lost his touch after he stopped wrestling professionally. He later went on to become a bodyguard for Sean “P. Diddy” Combs, Britney Spears and Mike Tyson. “When people see me, they normally get intimidated at times,” he told 7News during a phone interview. “I’m not a bad guy. I’m a nice guy.” It wasn’t until a man tried to rob the 6-foot-7, 280-pound former wrestler at a Coral Springs Valero gas station that his instincts kicked in, late Saturday night. The suspect, 35-year-old Jason Felix, found himself in over his head. Surveillance footage shows him wearing a light colored long-sleeve shirt as he tries to get the attention of Gaspard, who is seen wearing a red shirt. Speaking to 7News over the phone, Gaspard, who lives in California but was in South Florida to attend an event, said he had stopped at the gas station’s convenience store to buy some iced tea when Felix asked him to buy a beer. “This guy comes from the back of the store, and he goes, ‘Yo, man, buy me a beer,’ and I’m like, you know, I didn’t know the guy,” he said. “And I’m like, ‘Yo, man, there’s a better way to approach somebody.'” According to a police report, Felix then became upset and approached Gaspard. “And so he started coming at me, and then he lifted up his shirt and showed me he had a gun,” Gaspard said. Felix appeared to be carrying a black semi-automatic gun, but officials later learned that it was an air-powered BB gun. Upon instinct, Gaspard acted quickly and grabbed the gun from Felix’s waistband, and that’s when the brawl ensued. The clerk, Simon Silva, and a female customer were inside the store. “Shad grabbed [the gun], and then it crashed [on the floor], and pieces of it fell to the right of me, like not even a foot away from me,” said the customer. Surveillance video from the front entrance to the convenience store shows the former wrestler grabbing Felix by the neck and shoving him out the door. “He was like, ‘Yo, give me the gun back. Give me right [expletive] now.’ He wasn’t listening so I grabbed him by the back of the neck, and I ran to the door,” said Gaspard. “When I ran to the door, I ran into the door hard as [expletive], trying to knock him out.” Exterior video shows Gaspard tackling Felix near the store’s parking spaces. “When we got outside, I grabbed him in a rear choke, and I threw him off, and I put him on the ground,” said Gaspard. “I put his hands behind his back, put my knee on his wrist, so he couldn’t move them.” Gaspard pinned the suspect until Coral Springs Police arrived on the scene. “We took all the stuff from his pockets. We saw his phone. He had a picture of a little girl on his phone, so he’s the father,” said Gaspard. “I hope he gets right for his daughter, or whoever is in his life.” Felix was then put into police custody and faced a judge Monday morning. During the hearing, it was confirmed that he is the father of three children. “I hope he gets the help he needs. I hope he’s OK,” Gaspard said, “and I hope he never tries a stunt like this again.” Felix was charged with one count of armed robbery and was held on $10,000 bond. He has since posted bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Don Re: Automatic restart of XP machines Dear Webby, I appreciated your note on automatic restart. As you know I operate a small FM radio station here and occasionally we have a power failure that the UPS does not catch for some reason. I would love to have the computer restart. I am using XP Pro but I cannot find the Advanced Settings for some reason. Can you give me any further help on this. Don Dear Don When you start your XP, hit F8 to go into Safe mode. From the list select DO automatically restart after system failure. Then restart. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
A friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a CB radio or cell phone in his car, so he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for assistance. A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location." "I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish." The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?" "I-75, two miles south of Standish." A longer pause. Then an incredulous voice asked, "How fast were you going when you hit the shore?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Muffin Tin Flan By StellaBell [187 Posts, 176 Comments] Flan is a delicious, rich treat and can be made using ingredients most people have on hand. Note: It works to make flan in muffin tins although I found that it wasn't ideal because removal was difficult and the flan didn't turn out as beautiful as it would using a ramekin. That said if you don't care so much about looks and don't have ramekins, the muffin tin works fine. If you are so lucky to have a silicone muffin tin, use it! I think it would work wonderfully. Ingredients: 1 1/2 cup milk 3/4 cup sugar for flan 2 eggs 1 egg yolk 1 tsp vanilla 1 cup sugar for caramel Steps: Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Make caramel: In a heavy bottomed pan, heat 1 1/2 cups of the sugar over high heat. Stir constantly with a wooden spoon. It will take about 5 minutes. You want the sugar to turn a deep brown. Be careful because it can easily burn and will continue to darken even after you turn off the heat. Pour the caramel into the bottom of each muffin tin or ramekin, completely coating the bottom. Be sure to use up or throw out the left over caramel and not leave it in the pan. Once it has cooled it is extremely difficult to remove from the pan. Bring the milk to a simmer on medium, stirring often. In a bowl whisk together the eggs and extra yolk and 3/4 cup of sugar for about 2 minutes until it looks pale. Bring the milk to a simmer on medium, stirring often. In a bowl whisk together the eggs and extra yolk and 3/4 cup of sugar for about 2 minutes until it looks pale. Once the milk is brought up to a simmer, remove it from the heat and stir in the vanilla. Then, slowly pour the milk mixture into the egg mixture, whisking constantly. Remove any froth that may have formed. Then, pour through a mesh strainer. Place the muffin tin or ramekins into a pan that is at least as tall. Then, divide the custard evenly, filling your muffin tins or ramekins. Carefully fill the pan with the hottest tap water or boiling water halfway up the muffin tin or ramekins. Place in the oven and bake for 50 minutes until the surface doesn't jiggle. Remove from the water bath and let cool for about an hour. Then cover and place in the refrigerator for 2 hours and up to 2 days, serving at your leisure. If you used a muffin tin you will have to remove all of the flan from the tin at once. Use a thin knife and run it around the edge of each mold. Place a baking dish larger than the muffin tin on top and hold the muffin tin flush with the bottom of the glassware and flip it over. Let sit for a few minutes. If you find that the flan is not dropping out of the tin, you will need to lift up the tin and gently pop them out into the baking dish using a spoon. To serve, place a flan on a plate and spoon some of the caramel sauce over the top.
Modern version of the Nativity
____________________________________________________ This quiz has been around since I was a kid. Remember the answers? 1. If a plane crashed right on the border of the USA and Canada, where should the survivors be buried? 2. How many species of each animal did Moses take aboard the ark? 3. How many months have 28 days? 4. How far can a bear walk into the woods? 5. What is the value of coin dated 24 B.C.? 6. How many grooves does a 45rpm phonograph record have? 7. A camper leaves her camp, hikes 1 mile south, then 1 mile east where she sees a bear. Then she hikes 1 mile north to arrive at her camp. What color is the bear? 8. If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof , will the egg roll to North side or the South side of the roof? 9. If a south bound electric train is traveling at a rate of 66 miles per hour and the wind is blowing to the north at 35 miles per hour, which way will the smoke blow? 10. On which side of a chicken are the most feathers? ANSWERS: 1. Survivors don't really like being buried. 2. a) No animal belongs to more than one species b) Moses didn't have an Ark, Noah did. 3. All twelve of them. 4. a) One step, then he is IN the woods. b) Half way, then he is walking out of the woods. 5. Nothing, a coin could not be dated BC. 6. One (spiraling) on each side. 7. The camp must be at the north pole, therefore the bear is white. 8. Roosters don't lay eggs, but many chickens do. 9. Electric trains don't blow smoke. 10. Usually the outside. ____________________________________________________
I would love to go fishing here, it's so serene.
In her own eyes, Esther was the most popular girl around. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry." "Really ?" said her date, "And just how many men do you intend to marry?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 17
1777 France recognized American independence. 

1791 A traffic regulation in New York City established the
first street to go "One Way." 

1830 South American patriot Simon Bolivar died in Colombia. 

1895 George L. Brownell received a patent for his paper-twine

1903 The first successful gasoline-powered airplane flight
took place near Kitty Hawk, NC. Orville and Wilbur Wright
made the flight. 

1939 The German pocket battleship Graf Spee was scuttled by
its crew, bringing the World War II Battle of the Rio de la
Plata off Uruguay to an end. 

1944 The U.S. Army announced the end of its policy of
excluding Japanese-Americans from the West Coast which
ensured that Japanese-Americans were released from detention

1953 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) decided to
approve RCA’s color television specifications. 

1957 The United States successfully test-fired the Atlas
intercontinental ballistic missile for the first time. 

1969 The U.S. Air Force closed its Project "Blue Book" by
concluding that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial
spaceships behind thousands of UFO sightings. 

1973 Thirty-one people were killed at Rome airport when Arab
guerillas hijacked a German airliner. 

1975 Lynette Fromme was sentenced to life in prison for her
attempt on the life of U.S. President Ford. 

1976 WTCG-TV, Atlanta, GA, changed its call letters to WTBS,
and was uplinked via satellite. The station became the first
commercial TV station to cover the entire U.S. 

1978 OPEC decided to raise oil prices by 14.5% by the end of

1979 Arthur McDuffie, a black insurance executive, was
fatally beaten after a police chase in Miami, FL. Four white
police officers were later acquitted of charges stemming from
McDuffie's death. 

1986 Wayne "Danke Schoen" Newton won a $19.2 million suit
against NBC News. NBC had aired reports claiming a link
between Newton and mob figures. The reports were proven to be

1986 Davina Thompson became the world's first recipient of a
heart, lungs, and liver transplant. 

1986 Eugene Hasefus was pardoned and then released by
Nicaragua. He had been convicted of running guns to the

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, Canadian Prime Minister
Brian Mulroney and Mexican President Carlos Salinas de
Gortari signed the North American Free Trade Agreement. 

1992 Israel deported over 400 Palestinians to Lebanese
territory in an unprecedented mass expulsion of suspected

1996 Peruvian guerrillas took hundreds of people hostage at
the Japanese embassy in Lima. The siege ended on April 22,
1997, with a commando raid that resulted in the deaths of all
the rebels, two commandos and one hostage. 

1996 The Red Cross pulled all but a few of its western staff
out of Chechnya after six foreign aid workers were killed by
masked gunmen. 

1997 U.S. President Clinton signed the No Electronic Theft
Act. The act removed protection from individuals who claimed
that they took no direct financial gains from stealing
copyrighted works and downloading them from the Internet. 

1998 U.S. House Speaker-designate Bob Livingston admitted
he'd had extramarital affairs. 

2002 U.S. President George W. Bush ordered the Pentagon to
have ready for use within two years a system for protecting
American territory, troops and allies from ballistic missile

2002 McDonald's Corp. warned that they would report its first
quarterly loss in its 47-year history. 

2002 The insurance and finance company Conseco Inc. filed for
Chapter 11 protection. It was the third-largest bankruptcy in
U.S. history. 

2002 Congo's government, opposition parties and rebels signed
a peace agreement that ended four years of civil war. 

2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed into law the
largest overhaul of U.S. intelligence gathering in 50 years.
The bill aimed to tighten borders and aviation security. It
also created a federal counterterrorism center and a new
intelligence director.

2016  smiled.

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Computer as data logger 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

For believers in Walmartism and Shoppianity,
only 8 days of shopping left!
Rudolphians, you have 10 days of saving money 
till Boxing Day!

Christians, it's 9 days till Christmas. 

Jews, you have 8 days until Hanukkah.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Chrome-Domed Criminal Imprisoned For Role In Rogaine 
Theft Ring
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 16 in 
1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor
off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots were
disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation without
representation and the monopoly the government granted to
the East India Company. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed. --- C. S. Lewis (1898 - 1963) Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor. --- Laurence J. Peter ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Our hometown was so small that . . . ~ long distance calls are delayed when the area code is busy ~ in order to paint traffic lines, the road had to be widened ~ the clinic was called Joe's Hospital and Grill ~ instead of hoses, the Fire Department just cranks up the sprinkler at the fire hall. ~ the parking meter was on a cart so that we coould use it on either side of the street. ~ during snowstorms they arrested the first drunk they found to have a driver for the snow plow. ~ the Mayor was also the Sheriff, Jail Warden, garbage truck driver and barber. ~ the municipal water system's pump was self-serve, hand operated. ~ the local Motel 6 sleeps six and parties 20. ______________________________________________________ The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job," he said and handed the man a check. "Also, in order to thank you, here's an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie." The painter thanked him and agreed to do that. Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the man had forgotten something he asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?" "Nope," replied the painter. "I'm a man of my word. I'm here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked." ______________________________________________________ >From Tilly: The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it." ______________________________________________________ Grant Seekers Convention ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andres Arias, 36, Warren County, Ohio Chrome-Domed Criminal Imprisoned For Role In Rogaine Theft Ring A chrome-domed criminal will serve two years in prison for heading a Rogaine theft ring that targeted more than two dozen pharmacies in Ohio, according to court records. Andres Arias, 36, pleaded guilty Tuesday in Common Pleas Court in Warren County and was sentenced on a felony count. Arias, seen above, was named earlier this year in a 12-count indictment charging him with participating in an “organized retail theft ring” that victimized numerous CVS and Walgreens stores. As part of a plea deal, prosecutors dropped money laundering and theft raps in return for Arias’s plea to engaging in corrupt activity, the indictment’s top charge. According to investigators, Arias, a Florida resident, and several cohorts stole Rogaine and other over-the-counter drugs from the pharmacies and then shipped the products to a “retail fence” in New Jersey. “Some of the items would then appear online to be sold on eBay,” the indictment noted. The stolen Rogaine was not for the personal use of the bald Arias, who is now known as prisoner A730999 in Ohio’s Department of Rehabilitation & Correction. In addition to serving two years in custody, Arias has also been ordered to pay $22,000 in restitution. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Willie Re: Computer for logging data Dear Webby, What kind of computer is best for logging data from inside and outside temperature sensors and activating controls? I used to do it with a 386 and DOS, but a stuttering power bump fried it. And what kind of Operating Stystem would be best? Willie Dear Willie For data logging and device controlling even an ancient XT is more than powerful enough. You can set just about any computer to automatically restart when power returns, it is just slightly more of a nuisance with newer operating systems. Just get a used W7 machine, reset it to factory default, which is basically a format using the hidden OS. Dump all the sample crap that is included, and you will have a fast and reliable machine. Then go to "Start" -> "Computer" --> right click on "Properties", and then hit "Advanced system settings". In the advanced options of the system context menu, click on "Settings" for Startup and Recovery. and in there Settings again. Check the "Automatically restart" for system failure. Click "OK" After that it will restart after a power failure. Of course connecting it to an Uninterruptible Power Supply with a car battery will prevent any power related hassles. The Analo-Digital card should still work, but there is no way to get the driver off the original 5 1/4" floppy. You will have to contact the company that made it and see if they have a download site to get the driver. Otherwise check weather station suppliers or X-10. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Leo for this one: My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our 5-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I don't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife said. Our daughter bowed her head and said: "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these silly mooches to dinner?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chocolate Covered Peanut Butter Cracker Sandwiches By Becky Miles [100 Posts, 158 Comments] Total Time: 15 minutes, plus time to set up Yield: as many as you want Ingredients: peanut butter, any type you like it fine. I used Trader Joe's natural peanut butter. buttery crackers 1 cup chocolate chips 1 Tbsp shortening Steps: Put about 1 teaspoon of peanut butter on your cracker. Put another cracker on top. Make as many as you would like. The peanut butter I used was a natural type, so it's a little looser. I froze my "sandwiches" for about an hour to firm up before dipping in chocolate. But, if your peanut butter is firmer, you could skip this step. Melt chocolate chips and shortening. Start by heating in microwave for 30 seconds. Stir. If needed, heat another 30 seconds, til melted. Dip peanut butter sandwiches in chocolate. Place on wax paper. Let chocolate harden up. Enjoy! My version uses Graham Crackers, and just a very light smear of peanut butter on the "A" side, and a smear of some tart wild raspberry jam on the "B" side, then stick them together. For the chocolate I always use 7/8 Bakers Semi-Sweet and 1/8 Bakers Unsweetened. That makes a "Not for kids!" adult cookie for slow nibbling and savoring. Have FUN! DearWebby
emoticons in real life
____________________________________________________ The Rev. Warren J. Keating, pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of Yuma, Ariz., says that the best prayer he ever heard was: "Lord, please make me the kind of person my dog thinks I am." ____________________________________________________
2016 National Geographic nature photographer of the year winners.
>From Bob During his freshman year, my son Steve couldn't get home for Christmas. So he sent me a set of inexpensive cuff links and a note reading: "Dear Dad, This is not much, but it's all you could afford."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 16
1653 Oliver Cromwell became lord protector of England,
Scotland and Ireland. 

1773 Nearly 350 chests of tea were dumped into Boston Harbor
off of British ships by Colonial patriots. The patriots were
disguised as Indians. The act was to protest taxation without
representation and the monopoly the government granted to
the East India Company. 

1809 Napoleon Bonaparte was divorced from the Empress
Josephine by an act of the French Senate. 

1835 In New York, 530 buildings were destroyed by fire. 

1838 The Zulu chief Dingaan was defeated by a small force of
Boers at Blood River celebrated in South Africa as 'Dingaan's

1850 The first immigrant ship, the Charlotte Jane, arrived at
Lyttleton, New Zealand. 

1940 French Premier Petain arrested Pierre Laval after
learning of a plan for Laval to seize power and set up a new
government with German support. 

1944 During World War II, the Battle of the Bulge began in
Belgium. It was the final major German counteroffensive in
the war. 

1950 U.S. President Truman proclaimed a national state of
emergency in order to fight "Communist imperialism." 

1960 A United Air Lines DC-8 and a TWA Super Constellation
collided over New York City, killing 134 people. 

1973 O.J. Simpson broke Jim Brown’s single-season rushing
record in the NFL. Brown had rushed for 1,863 yards, while
Simpson attained 2,003 yards. 

1990 Jean-Bertrand Aristide, a leftist priest, was elected
president in Haiti's first democratic elections. 

1991 The U.N. General Assembly rescinded its 1975 resolution
equating Zionism with racism by a vote of 111-25. 

1995 Many U.S. government functions were again closed as a
temporary finance provision expired and the budget dispute
between President Clinton and Republicans in Congress

1995 NATO launched a military operation in support of the
Bosnia peace agreement. 

1996 Britain's agriculture minister announced the slaughter
of an additional 100,000 cows thought to be at risk of
contracting BSE in an effort to persuade the EU to lift its
ban on Britain. 

1998 The U.S. and Britain fired hundreds of missiles on Iraq
in response to Saddam Hussein's refusal to comply with U.N.
weapons inspectors. 

1998 Eric Michelman filed the earliest patent for a scroll
wheel for a computer mouse. Scroll wheels had been in active
use for over ten years by then, but nobody had bothered to
patent them.

1999 Torrential rains and mudslides in Venezuela left
thousands of people dead and forced at least 120,000 to leave
their homes. 

2000 Researchers announced that information from NASA's
Galileo spacecraft indicated that Ganymede appeared to have a
liquid saltwater ocean beneath a surface of solid ice.
Ganymede, a moon of Jupiter, is the solar system's largest
moon. The discovery is considered important since water is a
key ingredient for life. 

2000 U.S. President-elect George W. Bush selected Colin
Powell to be the first African-American secretary of state.
Powell was sworn in January 20, 2001. 

2001 In Tora Bora, Afghanistan, tribal fighters announced
that they had taken the last al-Quaida positions. More than
200 fighters were killed and 25 captured. They also announced
that they had found no sign of Osama bin Laden. 

2001 Cuba received the first commercial food shipment from
the United States in nearly 40 years. The shipment was sent
to help Cuba after Hurrican Michelle hit Cuba on November 4,

2001 A British newspaper, The Observer, reported that a
notebook had been found at an al-Quaida training camp in
southern Afghanistan. The notebook contained a "blue print"
for an bomb attack on London's financial district. 

2009 Astronomers discovered GJ1214b. It was the first-known
exoplanet on which water could exist.

2016 Dwarf planet Ceres, the largest object in the asteroid
belt between Mars and Jupiter, was announced to be 30% water.
NASA announced that Ceres is round and may contain more
fresh water than the entire Earth.

2016  smiled.

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Indoor Christmas lights outside 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, December 15

Gavle Goat Webcam

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Complaint over gas smell leads police to woman's body
and arrest of killer
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 15 in 
1654 A meteorological office established in Tuscany began
recording daily temperature readings. 
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims. --- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC) Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. --- T. S. Eliot (1888 - 1965) The secret of being a bore is to tell everything. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. --- Ron Nesen ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A swimming instructor at a Los Angeles university was quizzing a group of students on Red Cross life saving and water safety techniques. They answered all of her questions easily until she posed this one: "Which article of clothing would you remove last if you were catapulted from a boat or dock fully clothed?" Everyone mentioned something different. It was evident that no one knew the correct answer, so the instructor helped out. "The blouse," she said, "because the air gets under the blouse and acts like a buoy!" The subsequent uproar ended the class. ______________________________________________________ At the company water cooler, the office braggart was boring his fellow workers as usual. His topic of the day was about his children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another working in southern Italy. Finally, he told everyone that his daughter was working on a year's research project in India. "What is it about you," a co-worker finally asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?" ______________________________________________________ Two rabbinical students were caught by the Rabbi gambling and drinking in the company of undesirable characters before the sun set on the evening of the Sabbath. The Rabbi called them into his study the next day. Both confessed to having given in to weakness, and admitted that they deserved punishment. The Rabbi thought and then went into his kitchen and brought back two bags of dried peas. "Put these in your shoes," he told them, "and walk on them for a week, to remind yourself how hard life can be when you turn away from the Law." A few days later the two students met. One was limping terribly, had dark circles under his eyes, and looked very tired. The other seemed much as he had been the week before. "Hey," said the first. "How is it that you are walking so freely? Didn't you do as the Rabbi told us and put the peas in your shoes?" "Of course I did," said the other. "How could I disobey the Rabbi?" He started to walk away, paused, and then said, "But I boiled them first." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Darryl Chandler, Kennesaw Georgia, Complaint over gas smell leads police to woman's body and arrest of killer Police say a Georgia man was ready to blow up his duplex. They believe he had already killed his wife inside. Neighbors said they learned something bad was happening long before they realized it was murder "It seemed as if he was going to torch it and I live here with my roommate and my animals and I was like, 'are you kidding me?'" neighbor Christina Cash said, one day after police reopened her neighborhood. Cash said she was still shaken knowing her neighbor allegedly murdered his wife, then splashed gallons upon gallons of gasoline inside the duplex with which she shares a wall. via WSBTV.com "I'm just hit with the smell of gasoline, and I was like, ‘OK, this wasn't right,’" Cash said. "As soon as you stepped on the front porch it was like you were standing in a puddle of gasoline," neighbor James Crowes said. Neighbors had smelled the gasoline before police arrived, but the lights were out in Darryl and Brenda Chandler's duplex. When the gas company arrived, Darryl Chandler wouldn't let them in. Police arrived and, smelling the stench, they detained Darryl and found Brenda's body, which had been shot, in a bedroom. Neighbors said the couple had lived in the quiet Kennesaw neighborhood not far from the university for a decade. "You see them come and go. They drove nice cars and you just thought they were a nice couple," Crowe said. Court documents say when the quick-thinking cops detained Chandler, they found receipts from two gas stations in his pockets, along with two lighters. He was one motion away from setting the entire building ablaze and possibly taking more lives. “You're just going to torch the place? What happened to your life where you had to do that-you're going to take out two other people as well? It freaked me out. It got to that point were there was nothing that could have been done, someone you could talk to?" Cash asked. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Irene Re: Indoor lights outdoors Dear Webby, Dad found an old X10 computer interface at a garage sale and even though it is older than me, it works with my computer. He won't let me control outlets inside the house, yes, dang, I can't turn off the lights on my dimwit brother or lock him out, but for a compromise he installed X10 conttrolled outlets in all the outside plug-ins. Controlling the car plug-ins was no big deal at all. After setting up the schedule, I can turn the computer off and the X10 remembers it all. Now I get to the big question. We have a huge pile of indoor type Christmas tree lights. Gramma can't resist buying them at garage sales. I want to use them to decorate the bushes and the fence. Will they work or would they cause problems? I want to control them from my computer and eventually over the net. Thanks Irene Dear Irene Good for you ! X10 is great stuff for people who read instructions, and incomprehensible, mysterious magic for those who don't. All outside plug-ins go to GFI breakers, or should, according to code. That means if there is any electricity creeping to ground, the breaker pops. They are very sensitive and trigger-happy, and as little current as for example a walkman takes, would trigger them. It is highly unlikely, but if any electricity is creeping to ground through melting snow, the breakers would pop. You are not going to set the snow on fire. According to the code, you are not supposed to use stuff that is rated "Indoor Use Only" outside, but most Christmas tree lights today are safe enough, so that babies and pets can chew on them, and will do fine outdoors. Use common sense and suspend them so that they won't be in any puddles, and where you connect one set to another, orient the plugs so that the female socket is facing down and the male prongs are facing up, and unplug them while you re-arrange them. Have FUN! DearWebby
After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client: "Jill, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you." "Fair to both!?!" exploded Jill. "I could have done that myself. Why do you think I hired a lawyer?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making a Pot Holder Scissors Pouch Scissor Sacks By Vi Johnson [287 Posts, 800 Comments] 2 found this helpful These are pot holder scissor sacks. Instructions Fold a pot holder into a cone shape. Hot glue the sides together. Careful not to burn yourself. You can use the loop at the top for hanging or poke holes to run a ribbon for hanging. Next decorate with silk flowers, beads, feathers, sequins, etc. to hide the seam. Add a pair of kitchen shears or sewing scissors with this note glued to the front. I keep my scissors, in this sack. If you use them, put them back. Thanks to my cousin Darlene for this idea. I made them for many friends, the mail lady, the Avon lady, etc. I've also made these small sacks for kids scissors and for my desk.
Aunt Chippy wraps a present
____________________________________________________ A not so bright woman asks her lawyer about getting a divorce. The lawyer asks, "Does he beat you?" "No, he does not." "Does he keep you short of money?" "No, he does not." "Is he a perpetual drunkard?" "No, he is not." "Is he unfaithful to you?" "Ahhh, we've got him there. He was not the father of my last kid." ____________________________________________________
This Futuristic Library in China Looks Incredible!
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 15
1654 A meteorological office established in Tuscany began
recording daily temperature readings. 

1791 In the U.S., the first ten amendments to the
Constitution, known as the Bill of Rights, went into effect
following ratification by the state of Virginia. 

1840 Napoleon Bonapartes remains were interred in Les
Invalides in Paris, having been brought from St. Helena,
where he died in exile. 

1854 In Philadelphia, the first street cleaning machine was
put into use. 

1877 Thomas Edison patented the phonograph. 

1890 American Sioux Indian Chief Sitting Bull and 11 other
tribe members were killed in Grand River, SD, during an
incident with Indian police working for the U.S. government. 

1939 "Gone With the Wind," produced by David O. Selznick
based on the novel by Margaret Mitchell, premiered at Loew's
Grand Theater in Atlanta. The movie starred Vivien Leigh and
Clark Gable. 

1944 American forces invaded Mindoro Island in the

1944 Dr. R. Townley Paton and a small group of doctors laid
the groundwork for the Eye-Bank for Sight Restoration. 

1961 Former Nazi official Adolf Eichmann was sentenced to
death in Jerusalem by an Israeli court. He had been tried on
charges for organizing the deportation of Jews to
concentration camps. 

1961 The U.N. General Assembly voted against a Soviet
proposal to admit Communist China as a member. 

1964 Canada's House of Commons approved the newly designed
maple leaf flag, thereby dropping the Canadian "Red Ensign"

1965 Two U.S. manned spacecraft, Gemini 6 and Gemini 7,
maneuvered within 10 feet of each other while in orbit around
the Earth. 

1966 Walter Elias "Walt" Disney died in Los Angeles at the
age of 65. 

1970 The Soviet probe Venera 7 became the first spacecraft to
land softly on the surface of Venus. The probe only survived
the extreme heat and pressure for about 23 minutes and
transmitted the first data received on Earth from the surface
of another planet. 

1973 J. Paul Getty III was found in southern Italy after
being held captive for five months, during which his right
ear was cut off and sent to a newspaper in Rome. 

1978 U.S. President Carter announced he would grant
diplomatic recognition to Communist China on New Year's Day
and sever official relations with Taiwan. 

1979 The former shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, left the
United States for Panama. He had gone to the U.S. for medical
treatment on October 22, 1979. 

1979 In a preliminary ruling, the International Court of
Justice ordered Iran to release all hostages that had been
taken at the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. 

1982 Gibraltar's frontier with Spain was opened to pedestrian
use after 13 years. 

1983 The last 80 U.S. combat soldiers in Grenada withdrew. It
was just over seven weeks after the U.S.-led invasion of the
Caribbean island. 

1989 An uprising in Romania began as demonstrators gathered
to prevent the arrest of the Reverend Laszlo Tokes, a
dissident clergyman. 

1992 IBM announced it would eliminate 25-thousand employees
in the coming year. 

1992 Bettino Craxi, the leader of Italy's Socialist Party,
was informed that he was under investigation in a burgeoning
corruption scandal in the northern city of Milan. 

1992 El Salvador's government and leftist guerrilla leaders
formally declared the end of the country's 12-year civil war.

1993 In Geneva, 117 countries completed the Uruguay Round of
the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade (GATT). The
countries agreed on a reform package. 

1993 The prime ministers of Britain and the Republic of
Ireland (John Major and Albert Reynolds respectively) made
the "Downing Street Declaration," stating the basis for
trying to achieve peace in Northern Ireland. 

1995 The U.N. Security Council authorized NATO to take over
the peacekeeping operations in Bosnia. 

1995 French rail workers voted to end a three-week-old

1996 Boeing Co. announced plans to pay $13.3 billion to
acquire rival aircraft manufacturer McDonnell Douglas Corp. 

1999 Syria reopened peace talks with Israel in Washington,
DC, with the mediation of U.S. President Clinton. 

2000 The Chernobyl atomic power plant in Kiev, Ukraine, was
shut down. 

2000 New York Senator-elect Hillary Rodham Clinton agreed to
accept an $8 million book deal with Simon & Schuster. The
book was to be about her eight years in the White House. The
advance was the highest ever to be paid to a member of the
U.S. Congress. 

2001 It was announced that Siena Heights University would
begin offering a class called "Animated Philosophy and
Religion." The two-credit class would cover how religion and
philosophy are part of popular culture and is based on the
television series "The Simpsons." 

2010 The U.N. Security Council gave a vote of confidence to
the government of Iraq when they lifted 19-year-old sanctions
on weapons and civilian nuclear power. 

2016  smiled.

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Paper weight numbers 

Good Morning, ,

Thank you, Allene!!

Today is Wednesday, December 14
Last Super-Moon of  2016 rises tonight.
Hopefully you have clear skies. It sure looked great here!

Gavle Goat Webcam

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Two Floriduh women rob men who turned them down
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 14 in 
1798 David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and
 bolt machine. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If there's anything unsettling to the stomach, it's watching actors on television talk about their personal lives. --- Marlon Brando (1924 - 2004) Advertisements... contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper. --- Thomas Jefferson, January 12, 1819 ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Andrea for this one: As I was opening my coffee creamer this morning, I had an idiot idea. When the liquid coffee creamer is new, you need to tear off the seal. So, on the seal, it says... Remove Seal, Shake Well. So, I did.. Boy..I had a major mess to clean up!! :) ______________________________________________________ During their ten year anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied, "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Gale for this classic: Two men working in a factory were talking. "I know how to get some time off," said one. "How are you going to do that?" "Watch," he said, and climbed up on a rafter. The foreman asked what he was doing up there, and the man replied, "I'm a lightbulb." "I think you need some time off," the foreman said, and the first man walked out of the factory. After a moment, the second man followed him. "Where do you think you're going?" the foreman shouted. "Well, I can't work in the dark," he said. ______________________________________________________ Now where is the next grip? ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shelly Adair, 26, April Garica-Bonilla, 26, Pensacola, Floriduh Two Floriduh women rob men who turned them down The Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office has charged two Pensacola women with armed robbery after they pulled a knife on two individuals early Sunday morning who say they had declined the women's offer for sex. According to a press release from OCSO, victims say 26-year old Shelly Adair and 26-year old April Garica-Bonilla followed them home from an establishment on Racetrack Road around 3 a.m. Sunday. They told deputies the pair was soliciting them for sex but they declined. They say that's when the two women exited their car. One was armed with a knife and demanded money. The victims handed over two $100 bills and the women fled. OCSO deputies spotted the suspects' white Chevrolet and made a traffic stop. The victims showed up to positively identify the suspects. Deputies found two $100 bills in one of the female's purse and a four-inch folding knife in the car's glove compartment. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Paper Dear Webby, Hope you are getting ready for the holidays. I pray you have a very special season. My question is in regard to printer paper. I make almost all my own greeting cards as well as group bible study, missionary cards etc. Currently I have been using cover stock, 67# weight. I remember a friend having a paper that was a litle lighter in weight but she has since gotten rid of the cover for it. I do not know how the weight is figured. Is the bigger the number, the heavier the paper or vise versa? I could ask the next time I buy paper but thought maybe you could help. Thanks so much, Sharon Dear Sharon yes, 67 pound paper is quite heavy, almost card stock. Normal "around the office" paper is 20 pound. Formal stationery is 30 pound, fancy resume paper is 32 pound, and so on. The number indicates how much a traditional "flat" would weigh, (as if paper was still poured into "flats" and left to dry). Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Anna: Guys, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl. Good girls out there, please forward this message to your guy friends. And girlfriends, take heed. There is a new drug called beer that is essentially in liquid form. The drug is now being used by female sexual predators at parties to convince their male victims to have sex with them. The shocking statistic is that beer is available virtually anywhere! All girls have to do is buy a beer or two for almost any guy and simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are literally rendered helpless against such attacks. -------------------- She is right. Even I have fallen for that sneaky trick a few times.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Metal Polish Recipes Kelly Ann Butterbaugh After scouring flea markets and yard sales, I've found some fabulous treasures. Metals are often unrealized treasures. Tarnished silver and brass look drab and worthless, but there's treasure to be found under there. Avoid the expensive store-bought polishes and create your own. If those fail and the tarnish is here to stay, learn to work around it and see the beauty in your newly found treasures. Silver Silver can tarnish to yellowish-silver or even to a blackish color which makes it look cheaply plated. The proof of the silver is the tarnish itself; ifferent metals tarnish in different ways. Try creating some at home polishers to remove the tarnish. Silver Tarnish Dip: Fill your kitchen sink with the hottest water your tap allows. Then, mix 2 tablespoons of salt and 2 tablespoons of baking soda together before adding them to the water. Place a sheet of aluminum foil in the bottom of the sink (use a wooden spoon so you don't scald your hands). This creates ionization which will clean your new treasures. Dip the items for a few seconds at a time, redipping as needed. Tarnish Scrub: Use white toothpaste to polish the tarnish off of your silver. Rub it onto the silver and continue to polish with a soft cloth. Another option, especially for more tarnished silver, is a baking powder paste made from powder and water. The paste can set for an hour or so if the tarnish is severe. Anti-Corrosion: Corrosion occurs when the silver comes in contact with certain elements like salt. What might look like tarnish that doesn't come off is corrosion. Try soaking the corroded area in a mixture of two cups of vinegar and one tablespoon of salt, heating the vinegar in the mixture. Brass Brass constantly tarnishes. Once you've cleaned your brass, look for a sealing product to protect it from further tarnish. Check your new brass to see if it is coated or not. If it's coated, a simple household cleaner such as Clorox GreenWorks will clean it up. Formula 409 will work on dirtier jobs. If you have untreated brass, then cleaning it will help, though brass takes a little more muscle to clean. Brass Scrub: A simple scrub cleaner can be made for brass as well. Mix one half cup of vinegar with 1 teaspoon of salt and rub with a cloth. Ketchup is also noted as a cleaner, most likely because of the chemical reactions of the acidic tomato base.
scary girl in elevator
____________________________________________________ I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for. --- Jasper Carrott Don't worry. Anybody who listens to FM in the morning already knows. ____________________________________________________
I'm dreaming of cherry blossoms instead of Christmas trees.
The Garden of Eden was in Scotland. Proof ? Adam was a Scotsman. God looked down and noticed that Adam is all alone while all the animals have companions, so he decided to create a companion for man as well. He went to see Adam and said to him, "Adam, you are my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and all it will cost you is an arm and a leg." Thinking for a few moments, Adam replied, "What could I get for a rib?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 14
1503 Physician, astrologer and clairvoyant Nostradamus was
born at St. Remy, Provence, France. 

1798 David Wilkinson of Rhode Island patented the nut and
bolt machine. 

1900 Professor Max Planck of Berlin University revealed his
revolutionary Quantum Theory. 

1903 Orville Wright made the first attempt at powered flight.
The engine stalled during take-off and the plane was damaged
in the attempt. Three days later, after repairs were made,
the modern aviation age was born when the plane stayed aloft
for 12 seconds and flew 102 feet. 

1911 Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first man
to reach the South Pole. He reached the destination 35 days
ahead of Captain Robert F. Scott. 

1918 For the first time in Britain women (over 30) voted in a
General Election. 

1939 The Soviet Union was dropped from the League of Nations.

1945 Josef Kramer, known as "the beast of Belsen," and 10
others were executed in Hamelin for the crimes they committed
at the Belsen and Auschwitz Nazi concentration camps. 

1959 Archbishop Makarios was elected Cyprus' first president.

1962 The U.S. space probe Mariner II approached Venus. It
transmitted information about the planet's atmosphere and
surface temperature. 

1975 Six South Moluccan terrorists surrendered to police
after holding 23 people hostage for 12 days on a train near
the Dutch town of Beilen. 

1981 Israel annexed the Golan Heights, seized from Syria in
war in 1967. 

1983 The U.S. battleship New Jersey fired on Syrian positions
in Lebanon for the first time after American F-14
reconnaissance flights were fired on. 

1985 Wilma Mankiller became the first woman to lead a major
American Indian tribe as she formally took office as
principal chief of the Cherokee Nation of OKlahoma. 

1986 The experimental aircraft Voyager, piloted by Dick Rutan
and Jeana Yeager, took off from California on the first non-
stop, non-refueled flight around the world. The trip took
nine days to complete. 

1987 Chrysler pled no contest to federal charges of selling
several thousand vehicles as new when Chrysler employees had
driven the vehicles with the odometer disconnected. 

1988 CBS won the exclusive rights to major league baseball's
1990-94 seasons for $1.1 billion. 

1988 The first transatlantic underwater fiber-optic cable
went into service. 

1990 After 30 years in exile, ANC president Oliver Tambo
returned to South Africa. 

1995 The presidents of Bosnia and Herzegovina, Serbia,
Croatia signed the Dayton Accords to end fighting in Bosnia. 

1995 AIDS patient Jeff Getty received the first-ever bone-
marrow transplant from a baboon. 

1997 Iran's newest president, Mohammad Khatami, called for a
dialogue with the people of the United States. The preceding
Iranian leaders had reviled the U.S. as "The Great Satan." 

1997 Mike Gartner (Phoenix Coyotes) became only the fifth
player in National Hockey League (NHL) history to score 700
career goals. 

1997 Cuban President Fidel Castro declared Christmas 1997 an
official holiday to ensure the success of Pope John Paul II's
upcoming visit to Cuba. 

1998 Hundreds of Palestinian leaders renounced a call for the
destruction of Israel. 

1999 U.S. and German negotiators agreed to establish a $5.2
billion fund for Nazi-era slave and forced laborers. 

1999 Charles M. Schulz announced he was retiring the
"Peanuts" comic strip. The last original "Peanuts" comic
strip was published on February 13, 2000. 

2000 It was announced that American businessman Edmond Pope
would be released from a Russian prison for humanitarian
reasons. Pope had been sentenced to 20 years in prison after
his conviction on espionage charges. 

2001 European Union leaders agreed to dispatch 3,000-4,000
troops to join an international peacekeeping force in

2001 The first commercial export, since 1963, of U.S. food to
Cuba began. The 24,000 metric tons for corn were being sent
to replenish what was lost when Hurricane Michelle struck on
November 4. 

2013 The Chinese spacecraft Chang'e 3 became the first
spacecraft to "soft"-land on the Moon since 1976. It was only
the third robotic rover to land on the moon. 

2016  smiled.

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Kerning and leading 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, December 13

Thank you Master Chief Jim and Cori!!

Thank you Frank for the Assumption Abbey cake!

Gavle Goat Webcam

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh Christmas Shoplifter with 58" TV not inconspicuous
 enough to get away.
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 13 in 
1642 New Zealand was discovered by Dutch navigator 
Abel Tasman. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as cats do. --- Lee Entrekin "Keep your head and your heart going in the right direction and you will not have to worry about your feet." --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ from Dianne A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and gives him another handful of almonds. She repeats this gesture about eight times. The ninth time, he asks the little old lady why she doesn't eat the almonds herself; whereupon she replies it's not possible because her old teeth won't allow her to chew the nuts. "Then, why do you buy them?" he asks puzzled, whereupon the old lady answers: "I just love the chocolate around them." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic: The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. "Hello." "Is your daddy home?" he asked. "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" The child whispered, "No." Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes." "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?" "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a Helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now truly alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: ME ______________________________________________________ Murphy came home drunk as a skunk for the third night in a row. Judi, his wife, dragged him to the window and pointed out to the blazing lights of the big distillery in the distance. "Do you see how big it is?" she thundered. "They can always make it faster than you can drink it!" "Maybe so, [hic], but I've got 'em working nights to keep up!" ______________________________________________________ Where is that promised Gullible Warming? ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James Walsh 65, Port St. Lucie, Floriduh Floriduh Christmas Shoplifter with 58" TV not inconspicuous enough to get away. A man who tried to do some Christmas shopping at a Walmart in Port St. Lucie is now in the slammer, in part because some deputies were also doing some Christmas shopping for kids. Police say James Walsh tried to walk out of Walmart with a 58-inch television on Monday. Unfortunately, he didn't pay for it. Surveillance cameras followed the shoplifting suspect as he strolled around the store with the huge TV box in his shopping cart. He has his phone to his ear, waiting for his opportunity to get outside. Investigators say a store "asset protection officer" tried to stop Walsh before he walked out the store. Police said Walsh ran back into the store and left through another exit. Unfortunately for him, deputies with the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office were at the store for a shop-with-a-cop event. Several ran after him. They had him in custody in no time. Walsh admitted to stealing a TV at the same store the day before, according to police. He's been charged with grand theft, resisting merchant, and resisting officer without violence. It must have been an exciting day for the children who were participating in this event on the day of Walsh’s arrest. Not only were they able to “Shop-With-A-Cop”, but they were also able to witness their heroes in action. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Kimo RE: Kerning and Leading Dear Webby, When I try to write something in some fancy font onto a picture, there are the options for Kerning and leading. What are they? Thanks Kimo Dear Kimo Both those terms come from old fashioned typesetting. Kerning is from reducing the spacing between letters. Once upon a time priority was given to moving letters closer together, for example AV. Later the emphasis changed to an even look. In my art classes in college we had to write calligraphy on A2 size sheets, and the professor sat on his desk with a stack of chalk board erasers. When he spotted writing that looked uneven, with dark areas or light areas, he threw an eraser and started yelling. And of course, the texts were designed to test our skills versus the dreaded "LA" spacing. Look at for example: LAVINNOLA Note the light areas and the dark areas. Nowadays you use kerning to even that out and avoid light and dark spots. Leading refers to the space between lines. It comes from the metal Lead, not from Leader. They used to put strips of lead foil between the clips, that held the glyphs or tintype of a line. If you want to increase the space between lines, increase leading. The leading changes for different fonts. What looks right for one font may be too tight for others. It's easy enough to change. Just use a higher number for the leading. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Hanna: When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too. Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he'd found inside the dryer. He didn't know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job. "I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife's bra."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Contest Winning Chicken with Mushroom Sauce This is the best chicken dish I have made in years. The leftovers were even better the next day. You won't need to go to a restaurant after you taste this. I had chicken purchased on sale, and my store had a terrific sale on mushrooms, so this dish was very inexpensive as well. Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 15 minutes Total Time: 1/2 hour or less Yield: 4 servings Source: Taste of Home Link: http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/contest-winning- chicken-with-mushroom-sauce 2 tsp cornstarch 1/2 cup milk (I used 2%) 4 boneless skinless chicken breast halves (4 ounces each) NOTE: I used boneless, skinless thighs 1 Tbsp olive oil 1 Tbsp butter 1/2 lb sliced fresh mushrooms 1/2 medium onion, thinly sliced 1/4 cup sherry or chicken broth (I used broth) 1/2 tsp salt 1/8 tsp pepper Steps: Mix the cornstarch and the milk in a cup until lump-free. Set aside. Pound the meat until 1/4-inch thick. In a large, nonstick pan, add the olive oil and brown the meat, 5-6 minutes per side. Remove the meat and set aside. Melt the butter. Saute the mushrooms and the onions until soft. Stir in the sherry or the broth, salt and pepper and bring to a boil. Stir the cornstarch mixture once more and add to the pan. Return to a boil, and cook, stirring often, until thickened, 1-2 minutes. Add the chicken, and heat through.
scary girl in elevator
____________________________________________________ Gale sent me her "Pasta Diet" PASTA DIET "IT REALLY WORKS !! " 1) You walka pasta da bakery. 2) You walka pasta da candy store. 3) You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop. 4) You walka pasta da pantry, table and fridge. ____________________________________________________
Wow! An amazing automaton from the 1700's of a silver swan. Watch the video to see what the swan does.
A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left shoe was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up with a puzzled look and said, "Mom, these are MY feet!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 13
1577 Five ships under the command of Sir Francis Drake left
Plymouth, England, to embark on Drake's circumnavigation of
the globe. The journey took almost three years. 

1636 The United States National Guard was created when
militia regiments were organized by the General Court of the
Massachusetts Bay Colony. 

1642 New Zealand was discovered by Dutch navigator Abel

1809 The first abdominal surgical procedure was performed in
Danville, KY, on Jane Todd Crawford. The operation was
performed without an anesthetic. 

1816 John Adamson received a patent for a dry dock. 

1862 In America, an estimated 11,000 Northern soldiers were
killed or wounded when Union forces were defeated by
Confederates under General Robert E. Lee, at the Battle of

1883 The border between Ontario and Manitoba was established.

1884 Percy Everitt received a patent for the first coin-
operated weighing machine. 

1921 Britain, France, Japan and the United States signed the
Pacific Treaty. 

1937 Japanese forces took the Chinese city of Nanking
(Nanjing). An estimated 200,000 Chinese were killed over the
next six weeks. The event became known as the "Rape of

1944 During World War II, the U.S. cruiser Nashville was
badly damaged in a Japanese kamikaze suicide attack. 138
people were killed in the attack. 

1964 In El Paso, TX, President Johnson and Mexican President
Gustavo Diaz Ordaz set off an explosion that diverted the Rio
Grande River, reshaping the U.S.-Mexican border. This ended a
century-old border dispute. 

1980 Three days after a disputed general election, Uganda’s
President Milton Obote was returned to office. 

1981 Authorities in Poland imposed martial law in an attempt
to crackdown on the Solidarity labor movement. Martial law
ended formally in 1983. 

1982 The Sentry Armored Car Company in New York discovered
that $11 million had been stolen from its headquarters
overnight. It was the biggest cash theft in U.S. history. 

1988 PLO chairman Yasser Arafat addressed the U.N. General
Assembly in Geneva, where it had reconvened after the United
States had refused to grant Arafat a visa to visit New York. 

1988 A bankruptcy judge in Columbia, SC, ordered the assets
of the troubled PTL television ministry sold to a Toronto
real estate developer for $65 million. 

1989 South African President F.W. de Klerk met for the first
time with imprisoned African National Congress leader Nelson
Mandela, at de Klerk's office in Cape Town. 

1991 Five Central Asian republics of the Soviet Union agreed
to join the new Commonwealth of Independent States. 

1991 North Korea and South Korea signed a historic non-
aggression agreement. 

1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people must receive a
hearing before property linked to illegal drug sales can be

1993 The European Community ratified a treaty creating the
European Economic Area (EEA), to go into effect January 1,

1994 An American Eagle commuter plane carrying 20 people
crashed short of Raleigh-Durham International Airport in
North Carolina, killing 15 people. 

1995 China's most influential democracy activist, Wei
Jingsheng, who already had spent 16 years in prison, was
sentenced to 14 more years. 

1997 The Getty Center in Los Angeles, CA, was opened with a
ribbon cutting ceremony. 

1998 Puerto Rican voters rejected U.S. statehood in a non-
binding referendum. 

1998 Gary Anderson (Minnesota Vikings) kicked six field goals
against Baltimore. In the game Anderson set an National
Football League (NFL) record for 34 straight field goals
without a miss. 

2000 U.S. Vice President Al Gore conceded the 2000
Presidential election to Texas Gov. George W. Bush. The
Florida electoral votes were won by only 537 votes, which
decided the election. The election had been contested up to
the U.S. Supreme Court, which said that the Florida recount
(supported by the Florida Supreme Court) was

2000 Seven convicts, the "Texas 7," escaped from Connally
Unit in Kenedy, TX, southeast of San Antonio, by overpowering
civilian workers and prison employees. They fled with stolen
clothing, pickup truck and 16 guns and ammunition. 

2001 The U.S. government released a video tape that showed
Osama bin Laden and others discussing their knowledge of the
terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001.

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush served formal notice to
Russia that the United States was withdrawing from the 1972
Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty. 

2001 Israel severed all contact with Yasser Arafat. Israel
also launched air strikes and sent troops into Palestine in
response to a bus ambush that killed 10 Israelis. 

2001 Gunmen stormed the Indian Parliament and killed seven
people and injured 18. Security forces killed the attackers
during a 90-minute gunbattle. 

2001 NBC-TV announced that it would begin running hard liquor
commercials. NBC issued a 19-point policy that outlined the
conditions for accepting liquor ads. 

2001 Michael Frank Goodwin was arrested and booked on two
counts of murder, one count of conspiracy and three special
circumstances (lying in wait, murder for financial gain and
multiple murder) in connection to the death of Mickey
Thompson. Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in
their driveway on March 16, 1988. Thompson, known as the
"Speed King," set nearly 500 auto speed endurance records
including being the first person to travel more than 400 mph
on land. 

2016  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, December 12
Back in the saddle again!

-35 and windy.
Feels like the next ice age is sneaking up on us!
I know it isn't. It's just cycles. The warm cycle seems 
to have crested and we are entering the cold cycle.
The moon is quite nice, though.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
‘Mannequin Challenge’ Video Leads to Arrests for Guns, 
Drugs at Alabama Home
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 12 in 
1896 Guglielmo Marconi gave the first public demonstration of
radio at Toynbee Hall, London. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) The best government is a benevolent tyranny tempered by an occasional assassination. --- Socratex There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers. --- William James Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, "Jeez, I'd really like to dance with that girl." The other man replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken shit." So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?" Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry. Right now I'm concentrating on matrimony, and I'd rather sit than dance." So the man humbly returns to his friend. "So what did she say?" asks the friend. The drunk responded, "Dunno. Sounded like she's constipated on macaroni, and would rather shit in her pants." ______________________________________________________ >From Gerda It seems that every time our piano tuner, John, comes to our house, he scolds me for waiting too long between tunings. I agree with him that it should be done every six months, but I don't really think about it until the piano sounds off-key. Last time he came over, I was on the defensive and declared, "If you would send out a postcard reminder like the dentist, I would make sure to call you for an appointment in a timely fashion." Without hesitating, he replied, "From now on, when the dentist sends you a postcard, call me." ______________________________________________________ Jill came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her mother noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?" "Not really," Jille replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train." "Poor dear," Mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?" "I couldn't," replied Jill, "there was no one there." ______________________________________________________ Webcam For 50 years, the 13 meters tall, 7 meters long, and 3 tons heavy Gävle Goat has been a given Christmas feature in Gävle. Each year on the first of Advent, he is inaugurated on Slottstorget. In 2015, the inauguration ceremony attracted over 15,000 visitors! Thereafter, hundreds of thousands of admirers from 120 different countries followed the goat’s dangerous life via webcam Last year the Christmas goat was burned. Keep an eye on it this year! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kenneth White, 49, Terry Brown, 23, Huntsville, Alabama ‘Mannequin Challenge’ Video Leads to Arrests for Guns, Drugs at Alabama Home A "mannequin challenge" video resulted in several arrests after it led local and federal law enforcement to an Alabama home Tuesday morning, according to WHNT. The "mannequin challenge" internet phenomenon usually consists of a group of people freezing in various poses while a person with a camera walks around them, filming from different angles. Police say the "mannequin challenge" video that launched the investigation shows numerous people displaying guns, as if re-enacting a drive-by shooting or gang land war. Authorities from the Madison County Sheriff's Office, the Huntsville Police Department and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives executed a warrant at 5012 Powell Drive at 5:02 a.m. on Tuesday. Authorities arrested 49-year-old Kenneth White and charged him with first-degree possession of marijuana and certain persons forbidden to possess a firearm. He has a bond of $30,000. "In order to receive the 'certain persons forbidden to possess a firearm,' you must be convicted of a felony," Capt. Mike Salomonsky said. Investigators also arrested 23-year-old Terry Brown and charged him with possession of drug paraphernalia, loitering and promoting prison contraband. "Upon his arrival at the main facility after his incarceration, he was found to have marijuana on his person. So that brought about the additional charge which is a felony on him," Capt. Mike Salomonsky said of Brown's contraband charge. "There are several persons in the video who may be convicted felons," Capt. Salomonsky said. "So, we're going to try to do some identification, work with the ATF and see if we can generate any charges out of that." Investigators say they were able to obtain enough probable cause through their investigation to get a search warrant for the home. "We used a breaching technique which caused the front door to be removed from the residence," Capt. Salomonsky said. "They encountered one subject who was in the front room and he was armed. But, he told them he was armed." After authorities cleared the residence, they searched the house. Investigators say they found two handguns, one assault rifle, one older single-barrel shotgun, multiple packs of marijuana, an attack vest, multiple magazines for the assault rifle, multiple rounds of ammunition and a computer. There were six people inside the home when the team of authorities executed the search warrant, including children. Initially, they thought several items behind the house might have been stolen, but found they were purchased legitimately. The investigation started after the video surfaced. "You have a lot of people with firearms at one address," said Salomonsky. "And you have to ask yourself the question, 'Why?' and the second question you have to ask yourself: is it a public safety issue?" Deputies say the investigation determined the people living in that home were selling marijuana. Capt. Salomonsky said authorities expect to carry out at least one or two more arrests as the investigation continues. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Elaine RE: ATT mail problems Dear Webby, I have a bellsouth.net (ATT) email address. Two things I have found out about ATT email: 1. They use Yahoo for their emails 2. Yahoo decides what ATT get and what they don't get. Yahoo will place a subscribed email newsletter into the Blocked email list without anyone knowing it. So Daniel could look there. They will stop emails that don't fit their liking. Needless to say, I got a Gmail account some time back because Yahoo thinks they know better than myself what emails I want to receive. Elaine PS By the way, when you complain to ATT they will blame Yahoo. Dear Elaine You are right. Gmail is indeed the only way an ATT victim can get reliable email. Have FUN! DearWebby
William's wife started noticing how forgetful he was becoming. Being the concerned wife, she convinced him to see a doctor. William was a little worried when the doctor came in. Sensing his patient's nervousness, the first thing the doctor did was to ask what was troubling him. "Well," William answered. "I seem to be getting forgetful. I'm never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I'm going, or what it is I'm going to do once I get there, if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?" The doctor thought for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, "Pay me in advance."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cranberry Orange Kale By attosa [259 Posts, 596 Comments] This warm kale dish is so easy to make with just a handful of ingredients. The colours of the red berries and bright green kale make a perfect dish for the holidays. Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 10 minutes Total Time: 15 minutes Yield: 4 to 6 servings Ingredients: 1 tsp oil 1/2 medium onion 5 cups kale (one big bunch) 1/4 cup orange juice 1/4 cup dried cranberries Steps: Chop onions and kale to bite sized pieces. Add oil and onion to a large pan. Saute over medium heat until onion is translucent. Add kale and stir fry for about 3 minutes. Add cranberries and orange juice. Stir fry for a few minutes, then cover for a minute or two. This will plump up the cranberries and wilt the kale. Ready to serve!
Christmas according to kids
____________________________________________________ This Irish guy shows up in a pub one day and orders three pints of Guinness. He takes sips from each glass until they are empty and calls the bartender for three more. The bartender says, "Hey, pal, I don't mind bringing one at a time, then they'll be fresh and cold." "Nah... ahm preferrin' that ya bring 'em three at a time. You see, me and me two brothers would meet at a pub and drink and have good times. Now one is in Australia, the other in Canada and I'm here. We agreed before we split up that we'd drink this way to each other's honor." "Well," says the bartender, "that's a damn good sentimental thing to do. I'll bring the pints as you ask." Well, time goes on and the Irishman's peculiar habit is known and accepted by all the pub regulars. One day, the Irishman comes in and orders only two pints. A hush falls over the pub. Naturally, everyone figures something happened to one of the brothers. A bunch of the regulars corner the bartender and finally persuade him to find out what happened. With a heavy heart, the bartender brings the two pints and says, "Here's your pints... and let me offer my sincerest condolences. What happened?" The Irishman looks extremely puzzled for a moment. When the light comes on in his head, he starts laughing. "No, no! 'Tis nothing like that. You see, I give up drinking for Advent so that I can tie on a real bender at Christmas!" ____________________________________________________
Looks like a ghost is still fighting the Civil War! Watch the cannons.
>From Dianne I was in Taco Bell for dinner, had gotten a drink and wanted a refill. I asked the counter guy for a refill and handed him my cup. He said: "Take off your top!" I said: "Excuse me? I will not! It is not proper etiquette to ask a woman to 'take off her top!' That's a rude request coming from a strange man!" The guy blushed and said: "Errrrr, sorry! I meant take off the top of your soda cup."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today on December 12
1791 The Bank of the United States, also known as the First
Bank, opened for business in Philadelphia, PA. 

1792 In Vienna, 22-year-old Ludwig van Beethoven received one
of his first lessons in music composition from Franz Joseph

1896 Guglielmo Marconi gave the first public demonstration of
radio at Toynbee Hall, London. 

1897 The comic strip"The Katzenjammer Kids" (Hans and Fritz),
by Rudolph Dirks, appeared in the New York Journal for the
first time. 

1899 George Grant patented the wooden golf tee. 

1900 Charles M. Schwab formed the United States Steel

1901 The first radio signal to cross the Atlantic was picked
up near St. John's Newfoundland, by inventor Guglielmo

1915 The first all-metal aircraft, the German Junkers J1,
made its first flight. 

1917 Father Edward Flanagan opened Boys Town in Nebraska. The
farm village was for wayward boys. In 1979 it was opened to

1925 The "Motel Inn," the first motel in the world, opened in
San Luis Obispo, CA. 

1937 Japanese aircraft sank the U.S. gunboat "Panay" on
China's Yangtze River. Japan apologized for the attack, and
paid $2.2 million in reparations. 

1946 A United Nations committee voted to accept a six-block
tract of Manhattan real estate to be the site of the UN's
headquarters. The land was offered as a gift by John D.
Rockefeller Jr. 

1951 The U.S. Navy Department announced that the world's
first nuclear powered submarine would become the sixth ship
to bear the name Nautilus.

1955 It was announced that the Ford Foundation gave
$500,000,000 to private hospitals, colleges and medical

1955 British engineer Christopher Cockerell patented the
first hovercraft. 

1963 Kenya gained its independence from Britain. 

1975 Sara Jane Moore pled guilty to a charge of trying to
kill U.S. President Ford in San Francisco the previous

1982 20,000 women encircled Greenham Common air base in
Britain in protest against proposed site of U.S. Cruise
missiles there. 

1983 Car bombs were set off in front of the French and U.S.
embassies in Kuwait City. Shiite extremists were responsible
for the five deaths and 86 wounded. Total of five bombs went
off in different locations. 

1984 In a telephone conversation with U.S. President Reagan,
William J. Schroeder complained of a delay in his Social
Security benefits. Schroeder received a check the following

1985 248 American soldiers and eight crewmembers were killed
when an Arrow Air charter crashed in Gander, Newfoundland
after takeoff. 

1989 Britain forcibly removed 51 Vietnamese from Hong Kong
and returned them to their homeland. 

1989 Leona Helmsley was fined $7 million and sentenced to
four years in prison for tax evasion. 

1991 At the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center (SLAC) in
California, the first web server outside of Europe was

1994 The Brazilian Supreme Court acquitted former President
Fernando Collor de Mello of corruption charges that had
forced him to resign in 1992. 

1994 IBM stopped shipments of personal computers with Intel's
flawed Pentium chip. 

1995 The U.S. Senate stopped a constitutional amendment
giving Congress authority to outlaw flag burning and other
forms of desecration against the American flag. 

1995 Two French airmen shot down over Bosnia arrived home
after almost four months of being held captive by the Bosnian

1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, the international terrorist known
as "Carlos the Jackal," went on trial in Paris on charges of
killing two French investigators and a Lebanese national. He
was convicted and sentenced to life in prison. 

1997 The U.S. Justice Department ordered Microsoft to sell
its Internet browser separately from its Windows operating
system to prevent it from building a monopoly of Web access
programs. Microsoft ignored that order.

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court found that the recount ordered by
the Florida Supreme Court in the 2000 U.S. Presidential
election was unconstitutional. U.S. Vice President Al Gore
conceded the election to Texas Gov. George W. Bush the next

2000 Timothy McVeigh, over the objections of his lawyers,
abandoned his final round of appeals and asked that his
execution be set within 120 days. McVeigh was convicted of
the April 1995 truck bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Fedal
Building in Oklahoma City, OK, that killed 168 and injured

2001 Gerardo Hernandez was sentenced to life in prison for
being the leader of a Cuban spy ring. His conviction was
based on his role in the infiltration of U.S. military bases
and in the deaths of four Cuban-Americans whose planes were
shot down five years before. 

2001 In Beverly Hills, CA, actress Winona Ryder was arrested
at Saks Fifth Avenue for shoplifting and possessing
pharmaceutical drugs without a prescription. The numerous
items of clothing and hair accessories were valued at $4,760.

2002 North Korea announced that it would reactivate a nuclear
power plant that U.S. officials believed was being used to
develop weapons.

2016  smiled.

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ATT.NET Subscription problem 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, December 8
Today I have to go to Calgary for more injections into my
eyeballs. That means no newsletters get sent out on Friday,
Saturday or Sunday.

>From Master Chief Jim
Seventy five years ago today it was a cold, spitting snow
Sunday in North East Arkansas. I took my 22 rifle and ole Tip
and went hunting. It was so cold no game was moving out of
their nests, so it was a fruitless hunt. When I got home the
Radio was going and I learned that Pearl Harbor had been
attacked by the Japanese. I didn't even know Pearl and was
wondering what she did to cause the Japanese to attack her. I
learned what Pearl Harbor IS and soon joined the navy, and as
you say, the rest is history.  SUPPORT THE TROOPS. 
Master Chief Jim

Right now, the Gullible Warming that warms up the climate and makes the weather colder, if you believe the grant recipients, is -28 Celsius (-18 Fahrenheit) on the thermometer outside my window. In the Yukon it is -40, I heard. The days are getting longer. 7 1/2 minutes longer than in the days of Babylon. Theoretically, that should cause some warming! We need more muscle cars and cheaper gas. Recycle the grant recipients! Otherwise we will slip into another ice age! Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Couple uses stun gun on Walmart greeter asking for receipt Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, December 8 in 1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. Canada declared war on Japan the day before, on December 7. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. --- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945) He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. --- Chinese Proverb ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A sailor, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave. The sailor walked up to the man and asked, "When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?" The old Chinese man replied with a smile, "Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers." ______________________________________________________ A doctor sees an old man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. The next time the old man had an appointment, the doc says, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing what you told me, Doctor. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." "I didn't say that... I said, You've got a heart murmur, be careful!" "Too late!", the old man cackled, "I'm doing just fine with my interpretation!" ------- As soon as I win the lottery, I am going to switch to that interpretation too! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: These three dudes break out of prison. One is white, one black, and one Mexican. They are going through the woods trying to get away, and they hear the guard dogs coming. They come out of the woods to a swamp with alligators. The white man says, "I've got to try to swim across. If I don't, the dogs will get me." So he jumps in and swims about fifty feet, and the alligators eat him. The black guy is standing there looking at the swamp, and the dogs are getting closer, so he says, "I'm bigger and stronger than that white dude, I think I can out swim those alligators." So he jumps in, swims about a hundred feet, and the alligators eat him. The Mexican is standing there, afraid to jump in, when the dogs come out of the woods barking, so he jumps in, and he swims all the way across and gets away. A little alligator says to a big alligator, "Why did we eat the first two guys, but let the Mexican go?" The big alligator says, "The last time I ate a Mexican, my butt burned for three days!" ______________________________________________________ Come on out and play! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Davis, Jr., 42, Natasha Hall, 38 Indian Trail, N.C. Couple uses stun gun on Walmart greeter asking for receipt A couple attempting to steal a TV from a Walmart used a stun gun on a 65-year-old store greeter who asked them for a sales receipt. The man and woman fled after Sunday morning's incident in Indian Trail, N.C. and police are still searching for the duo. The suspects, David Davis, Jr., 42, and Natasha Hall, 38, will be charged with common law robbery. Davis will face an additional charge for assault with a deadly weapon. The Charlotte Observer reports Davis committed a similar crime with a different partner in 2015 at a nearby Lowe's. In the previous encounter, Davis threatened the employee with a knife. Davis was charged with robbery with a dangerous weapon. There is no word on the condition of the female greeter. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Daniel RE: Not receiving the subscription Dear Webby, i am nor receiving you daily letter through email.i have to go to i.e. my isp could not get it either. daniel Dear Daniel Tell your ISP he is either lying or incompetent. Or both. Your newsletter does enter ATT.NET. What happens after it has entered ATT.NET is their responsibility, not mine. Many thousands of subscribers receive the Humor letter OK. If you can't get ATT.NET to fix their problem, get a Gmail address on the side. Have FUN! DearWebby
From Ross At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 34. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41." Almost everybody who was waiting for the flight at Gate 35, next to my 34, picked up their luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice announced that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35. Soon after that all those people trundled into the waitng ara again. Then the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program, we just found out that the plane for flight 570 is actually at gate 53, not 35. Mumble Mumble Mumble Mumble dyslexic pilots!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Your Windshield Free of Snow and Ice By Brianna Southworth [75 Posts, 2 Comments] Winter in Alaska where we live can be so harsh! No matter where you live, though, scraping ice off of your car in the early morning is just no one's idea of fun. This is the BEST WAY to keep your windshield frost free. Wipe the windows and windshield of your vehicle down with white vinegar, undiluted, after you park your car for the night. This will prevent frost from building on your car, and who doesn't LOVE that? By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, Alaska
Jingle Bell Hoops
____________________________________________________ Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender. ____________________________________________________
Looks like a ghost is still fighting the Civil War! Watch the cannons.
A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer's garden. "I'll give you my two pennies for that tomato," said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine. "No," said the farmer, "I get a dime for a tomato like that one." The small boy pointed to a smaller green one, "Will you take two pennies for that one?" "Yes," replied the farmer, "I'll give you that one for two cents." "OK," said the lad, sealing the deal by putting the coins in the farmer's hand, "I'll pick it up in about a week."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today on December 8
1765 Eli Whitney was born in Westboro, MA. Whitney invented
the cotton gin and developed the concept of mass-production
of interchangeable parts. 

1776 George Washington's retreating army in the American
Revolution crossed the Delaware River from New Jersey to

1854 Pope Pius IX proclaimed the dogma of the Immaculate
Conception. The theory holds that Mary, mother of Jesus, was
free of original sin from the moment she was conceived. 

1863 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln announced his plan for
the Reconstruction of the South. 

1863 Tom King of England defeated American John Heenan and
became the first world heavyweight champion. 

1886 At a convention of union leaders in Columbus, OH, the
American Federation of Labor was founded. 

1941 The United States entered World War II when it declared
war against Japan. The act came one day after the Japanese
attacked Pearl Harbor. Canada declared war on Japan on the
day Japan attacked Pearl Harbor

1949 The Chinese Nationalist government moved from the
Chinese mainland to Formosa due to Communists pressure. 

1952 On the show "I Love Lucy," a pregnancy was acknowledged
in a TV show for the first time. 

1962 Workers of the International Typographical Union began
striking and closed nine New York City newspapers. The strike
lasted 114 days and ended April 1, 1963. 

1980 Zimbabwe’s manpower minister, Edgar Tekere, was found
guilty in the killing of a white farmer. He was freed under a
law that protected ministers acting to suppress terrorism. 

1982 Norman D. Mayer demanding an end to nuclear weapons held
the Washington Monument hostage. He threatened to blow it up
with explosives he claimed were inside a van. 10 hours later
he was shot to death by police. 

1984 In Roanoke, Virginia, a jury found Hustler magazine
publisher Larry Flynt innocent of libeling Reverend Jerry
Falwell with a parody advertisement. However Falwell was
awarded $200,000 for emotional distress. 

1987 U.S. President Reagan and Soviet leader Mikhail S.
Gorbachev signed a treaty agreeing to destroy their nations'
arsenals of intermediate-range nuclear missiles. 

1987 The "intefadeh" (Arabic for uprising) by Palestinians in
the Israeli-occupied territories began. 

1989 Communist leaders in Czechoslovakia offered to surrender
their control over the government and accept a minority role
in a coalition Cabinet. 

1992 Americans got to see live television coverage of U.S.
troops landing on the beaches of Somalia during Operation
Restore Hope. (Due to the time difference, it was December 9
in Somalia.) 

1993 U.S. President Clinton signed into law the North
American Free Trade Agreement. 

1994 Bosnian Serbs released dozens of hostage peacekeepers,
but continued to detain about 300 others. 

1997 The second largest bank was created with the
announcement that Union Bank Switzerland and the Swiss Bank
Corporation would merge. The combined assets were more than
$590 billion. 

1997 Jenny Shipley was sworn in as the first female prime
minister of New Zealand. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that police could not
search a person or their cars after ticketing for a routine
traffic violation. 

1998 The FBI opened its files on Frank Sinatra to the public.
The file contained over 1,300 pages. 

1998 Nkem Chukwu and Iyke Louis Udobi's first of eight babies
was born. The other seven were delivered 12 days later. 

1998 AT&T Corp. announced that it was buying IBM's data
networking business for $5 billion cash. 

1998 The first female ice hockey game in Olympic history was
played. Finland beat Sweden 6-0. 

1999 In Memphis, TN, a jury found that Rev. Martin Luther
King Jr. had been the victim of a vast murder conspiracy, not
a lone assassin. 

1999 Russia and Belarus agreed in principle to form an
economic and political confederation. 

2000 Mario Lemieux announced to the Pittsburgh Penguins that
he planned to return to the National Hockey League (NHL) as a
player at age 35. He would be the first modern owner-player
in U.S. pro sports.

2016  smiled.

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Print list of files in a directory and subdirectories 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, December 7

The correct answer is 6
I was truly surprised at how man wrote back with the right answer. 

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh Woman kicked elder parishioner, 
stole wallet at church. Got arrested.
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 6 in 
1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu was
attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes in retaliation for
US actions in Asia. The attack resulted in the U.S. entering
into World War II. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them. --- Robertson Davies I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth. --- Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ If somebody is pestering you for your phone number, or if you want to detour a telemarketer, give them this number: 1 212-479-7990 It's the New York Rejection Line. For numbers in other states, check out http://www.rejectionline.com/copycat.html Go ahead, and call that number, to hear what a caller will get! You can use Skype to call long distance, but it is usually best to pick a n umber for your state. ______________________________________________________ A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty shopping carts when the cart-girl standing there called after him, "Excuse me, did you want a cart?" "No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing." As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male!" ______________________________________________________ Gingerbread Cookies Ingredients: 3 c. sugar 1 1/2 c. lard 1 c. molasses 1 c. hot water 2 T. ginger 1 T. soda 1 T. lemon Pinch of salt 2 eggs Flour enough to make a stiff dough (8 c.) Directions: Mix first 9 ingredients. Add flour to make a stiff dough. Chill in refrigerator. Cut into gingerbread men and decorate with raisin eyes, nose, and buttons. Bake at 350 degrees. If you like them almost moist, and chewey instead of brittle, add some apple or pear sauce. If you accidentally make too many, send them to me, please! ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brenda Yancy, 56, Sanford, Floriduh Floriduh Woman kicked elder parishioner, stole wallet at church. Got arrested. Sanford police arrested a woman Sunday who they say kicked a 76-year-old parishioner who tried to stop the woman from stealing a purse. Police said the parishioner set her purse on a bench while opening up Rescue Outreach Mission church at 1701 Historic Goldsboro Blvd. and walked out of the room for a moment. When she came back, Brenda Yancy, 56, was standing over the purse and holding a wallet, according to police. The parishioner asked Yancy to return the wallet and money. A struggle ensued and Yancy kicked the woman and threw a punch toward her face, police said. She then ran from the building, police said. Officers found her not far from the church and arrested her on charges of robbery, battery on a person 65 years old or older and possession of drug paraphernalia. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Kate RE: printed file list Dear Webby, I know Windows doesn't have an easy way to print a list of the file names in a folder, but I have received CD's from friends that had a neatly printed list of the files. I don't want dates or sizes, just the file names. How is that done? Kate Dear Kate There are two ways to do that. One is to go to the DOS command line and type a simple command, the other method is to get DirectoryListPrint from Switzerland, and learn to use that program. It is at List Print Personally, because I love the raw power of DOS, I use that. First go to the directory (folder) that you want listed. At the top. Look at the address at the top, right-click it and select Copy address as text Next hit START, type cmd and hit ENTER You'll get the scary old DOS window in black. If you don't like a black screen with light grey writing, change it! color 9e gives you bright yellow on blue background. color 9a gives you fluorescent green on blue. Just play with it till you find a combo that suits your mood. The number is for the background, the letter for the text color. Now go to the drive where those folders are. If they are on a CD, that would probably be drive D: So type D: and hit ENTER. The prompt instantly changes to show you are on D: Type CD and a space. Now you can either type the name of the folder you want, or paste it. Pasting is still the same as it was in the 80's. Microsoft has not updated that. Right-click on the top bar, type E or select EDIT, type P or select Paste. In DOS you can do everything without taking your hands off the keyboard and hunting for the mouse. OK, now the propmt reads, for example: D:>CD Music\gospel Hit Enter CD is for Change (to) Directory Note that on Windows the \ leans to the left, unlike the / right leaning slash of UNIX and Linux. Now the prompt reads D:\Music\gospel To get the listing of all the files in there, including all the subdirectories in that, type dir /s WOW! Exactly what you want is flashing by on the screen. All 2750 gospel songs, separated into each different category folder. You COULD mark and copy all that, but there is a much easier way. dir /s >c:\list1.txt instantly puts all that into a neat text file, easy to find in C:\, called list1.txt You can open that with any text editor or word processor or spreadsheet, pretty it up and format it to print any way you want, for example to fit into a CD case. If you type dir /? you will see all kinds of options for different formatting of the results. Try them out! dir /s is by no means the only suitable way to list the files. dir /b (bare) is also quite handy. If all that sounds too complicated, get that program from Switzerland, in English or German, and read their instructions. Then you can do it all by just mousing around. Have FUN! DearWebby
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; whle his hobby was golf. The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, 'Fore!' His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, 'Four Fifty!'
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Dried and Caramelized Onions By attosa [258 Posts, 586 Comments] When I find a great deal on onions, I buy a large amount and make these dried and caramelized onions. It ends up being a whole lot cheaper and more tasty than buying dried onions in bottles. You can make these in the oven, in a dehydrator, or even in the sun! To make onion powder, run the finished product in a processor. Prep Time: 2 to 4 hours Ingredients: onions oil for caramelized onions (1 tsp per onion) Steps: Cut onions into halves, then thinly slice with knife or mandolin. Spread a thin layer onto a rack. If you're using sunlight, you can have your onions ready in a few hours. If you're using your oven, set temperature to 200F for about 3 hours. To use your dehydrator, place sliced onions on dehydrator trays and set to 125F for about 4 hours. Rotate your trays half way for even drying. To make caramelized onions, coat the bottom of a pan with 1 tsp of oil to every sliced whole onion. Heat to medium, cooking until browned, stirring often. It's best not to crowd the pan as they will steam up and produce water. Instead of a Mandolin I use a Borner "V" cutter and make tiny cubes. Aside from being much safer, the little cubes practically disappear in gravies and sauces, just leaving the flavor behind. I also use a lot less oil. I use an ancient Amway window cleaner sprayer from the 80's, and just give the pan a light misting of oil and then another fast squirt onto the onions. That's enough, especially when filling my one gallon pickle jar with browned onion cubelets. I want them feeling dry, not oily. Have FUN! DearWebby
Mog's Christmas
____________________________________________________ A teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament story, and as she moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across Johnny who had drawn a man driving an old car. In the back seat were two passengers, both scantily dressed. "It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story does it tell?" Johnny seemed surprised at the question. "Well," he exclaimed, "it says in the BIBLE that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury?" Then he added proudly, "And THAT is the Plymouth Fury! Uncle Bubba has it on blocks in front of his trailer!" ____________________________________________________
Awesome glow in the dark tattoos.
>From Mimi When my granddaughter, Marissa, was 4 yrs. old, we were waiting in the car at the school to pick up her brother, Michael, and her cousin, Mark. Marissa was sitting in the back seat of the car, eating gummy bears candies and said to me, "Mimi, guess what color I am eating now. Of course, I was looking in the rear view mirror and told her each and every color she was eating. Marissa was so surprised and she said, "How do you know what color the candy is?" I told her that I was a psychic. Two days later, while in the middle of driving, she again asked me what color candy she was eating. This time I couldn't keep on looking in the mirror, so I just guessed any color. Marissa then said, "Oh, Mimi, I guess you're not a psycho anymore."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today on December 7
1431 In Paris, Henry VI of England was crowned King of

1732 The original Covent Garden Theatre Royal (now the Royal
Opera House) was opened. 

1787 Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S.
constitution becoming the first of the United States. 

1907 At London's National Sporting Club, Eugene Corri became
the first referee to officiate from inside a boxing ring. 

1925 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the
150-yard freestyle with a time of 1 minute, 25 and 2/5
seconds. He went on to play "Tarzan" in several movies. 

1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The
Electrolux Servel Corporation. 

1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu was
attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes in retaliation for
US actions in Asia. The attack resulted in the U.S. entering
into World War II. 

1946 A fire at the Winecoff Hotel in Atlanta killed 119
people. It was America's worst hotel fire disaster. The hotel
founder, W. Frank Winecoff, was also killed in the fire. 

1971 Libya announced the nationalization of British
Petroleum's assets. 

1972 Apollo 17 was launched at Cape Canaveral. It was the
last U.S. moon mission. 

1972 Imelda Marcos, wife of Philippine President Ferdinand E.
Marcos, was stabbed and seriously wounded by an assailant.
The man was then shot and killed by her bodyguards. 

1974 President Makarios returned to Cyprus after five months
in exile. 

1980 General Antonio Ramlho Eanes was reelected president of
Portugal. His right-wing opposition was thrown into disarray
by the death of Premier Francisco Sa Carneiro in a plane

1982 Charlie Brooks Junior, a convicted murderer, became the
first prisoner in the U.S. to be executed by injection, at a
prison in Huntsville, TX. 

1983 Madrid, Spain, an Aviaco DC-9 collided on a runway with
an Iberia Air Lines Boeing 727 that was accelerating for
takeoff. The collision resulted in the death of all 42 people
aboard the DC-9 and 51 on the Iberia jet. 

1987 Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev set foot on American
soil for the first time. He had come to the U.S. for a
Washington summit with U.S. President Reagan. 

1987 43 people were killed when a gunman opened fire on a
fellow passenger and the two pilots aboard a Pacific
Southwest Airlines jetliner. 

1988 An estimated 25,000 people were killed when a major
earthquake hit northern Armenia in the Soviet Union. The
quake measured 6.9 on the Richter Scale. 

1988 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev announced the
reduction of the number of Soviet military troops by half a

1989 East Germany's Communist Party agreed to cooperate with
the plan for free elections and a revised constitution. 

1992 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected a Mississippi abortion
law which required women to get counseling and then wait 24
hours before terminating their pregnancies. 

1993 Six people were killed and 17 were injured when a gunman
opened fire on a Long Island Rail Road commuter train. 

1993 Energy Secretary Hazel O'Leary revealed that the U.S.
government had conducted more than 200 nuclear weapons tests
in secret at its Nevada test site. 

1993 Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders suggested that the U.S.
government study the impact of drug legalization. 

1995 A probe sent from the Galileo spacecraft entered into
Jupiter's atmosphere. The probe sent back data to the
mothership before it was destroyed. 

1996 The space shuttle Columbia returned from the longest-
ever shuttle flight of 17 days, 15 hours and 54 minutes. 

1998 The U.N. evacuated 14 peacekeepers that were trapped by
fighting between army and rebel forces in central Angola. 

1998 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an
independent counsel investigation of President Clinton over
1996 campaign financing. 

1999 A U.S. federal grand jury indicted a former convict in
the 1995 disappearance of atheist leader Madalyn Murray

2002 In Amsterdam, Netherlands, two Van Gogh paintings were
stolen from the Van Gogh Museum. The two works were "View of
the Sea st Scheveningen" and "Congregation Leaving the
Reformed Church in Nuenen." On July 26, 2004, two men were
convicted for the crime and were sentenced to at least four
years in prison each. 

2002 In Mymensingh, Bangladesh, four movies theaters were
bombed within 30 minutes of each other. At least 15 people
were killed and over 200 were injured. 

2003 A 12-inch by 26-inch painting of a river landscape and
sailing vessel by Martin Johnson Heade was sold at auction
for $1 million. The painting was found in the attic of a
suburban Boston home where it had been stored for more than
60 years.

2016  smiled.

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Requirements when travelling to America 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, December 6

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Road Rage Bozo points gun at off-duty cop. 
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 6 in 

1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a national
 education system. 

1926 In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. --- Antoine de Saint-Exupery (1900 - 1944) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "What is it for?" one asked. "I don't know," the other replied. "I think it tells you when somebody messed up. When mom when stands on it, she gets more upset than when my sister brings her report card home." ______________________________________________________ Customer: "I'd like an under the mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety, $1.95 each.." Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?" Salesperson: "Hmmm, have you got one of those new Pentiums ?" Customer: "Yes, it's a 17" !" Salesperson: "Then you better get one of these $29.95 mousepads" Customer: "But, is it Y2K approved ?" Salesperson: "Well,...to be on the safe side, maybe you should get one of these blue ones for $49.95." ______________________________________________________ An old Indian chief was famous for predicting what the weather would do. A group of people went up to the chief and asked him, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" The chief replied, "Much rain. Very wet." The next day, it did rain and it was very wet. Some more people went up to the chief and asked, "What will the weather be like tomorrow?" "Much snow. Very cold." Sure enough, it snowed and it was very cold. People were so impressed with this, they asked him another time. Chief," they asked, "what will the weather do tomorrow?" The chief replied, "I dunno. I was watching wrestling instead of the weather channel." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jack Michael Haberkorn, 22, Palm Beach Gardens, Floriduh Road Rage Bozo points gun at off-duty cop. A Palm Beach Gardens man is facing charges that he pointed a gun at another motorist Saturday during a road rage incident, according to an arrest report. If the accusation proves true, then Jack Michael Haberkorn picked the wrong victim. The person Haberkorn allegedly threatened turned to be an off-duty Palm Beach Gardens police officer. Haberkorn, 22, is now facing charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, carrying a concealed weapon, improperly exhibiting a firearm and possession of a controlled substance without a prescription and is being held in the Palm Beach County Jail in lieu of $81,000 bail. The road rage incident took place eastbound on PGA Boulevard and began when a 2014 Volkswagon Jetta driven by Haberkorn cut in front of the off-duty officer and “continuously” braked hard, the report said. The officer said she pulled up along the Jetta and said, “Really … really?” Haberkorn allegedly responded by reaching down and pointing the weapon out the window and at the woman while stating, “You better watch who the [expletive] you’re [expletive] with,” the report said. The officer alerted police and followed the Jetta until it ran a red light at the intersection of PGA Boulevard and Lake Victoria Gardens Avenue. Police tracked down Haberkorn and found a loaded .40-caliber Glock in his possession as well as Xanax and burglary tools inside his vehicle. The off-duty officer positively identified Haberkorn as the person who pointed the weapon at her. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From Anita RE: Mobile office Dear Webby, You seem to be able to work while travelling. I have been trying to convince my husband that it can be done just as easy as working from home, at least for the time necessary for a trip to Canada and the USA. What kinds of preparations would you recommend? Thanks Anita Dear Anita First and foremost make sure that NOBODY in your travel party has any DUI (Driving Under the Influemnce of alcohol or drugs) on their record. If they do have a record, they will be handuffed in the airport and sent right back, at THEIR expense. Depending on the airport, they may even have to pay for an armed guard to escort them back to your country. All the yelling and screaming won't help. It's reciprocal treaties. Second step is to get a multi socket adapter where you can plug all your electronic devices in. A 5 outlet cube usually is enough, but you can stack those cubes. You can also get work shop style power bars with 6 to 10 outlets. The idea is to reduce all the different plugs to one single one. Then get an adapter that has a female outlet for the plugs in your country, which seem to be different for every country in Europe, and the male plug on it for US/Canada/Central America/Japan: NEMA plug For ungrounded or double insulated devices like any of your electronics you don't need the third grounding prong. The slightly larger blade for the grounded side takes care of that. Don't worry about the AC frequency. All your electronics run on DC anyway. The same goes for the voltage. Whatever the input is, it gets automatically converted to whatever each device needs. If somebody tries to talk you into buying an expensive voltage and/or frequency converter, tell them you don't need that. All you need is a plug style converter: your country on the female side, NEMA on the male side. No need for an expensive 49 country adapter, just your country to NEMA, which is usually under $5 For Internet connectivity you can relax. All hotels, Tim Hortons, Wendys , Burger King, McDonalds, Dennys, etc. have WiFi. Just get the password from the waitress or waiter. If you put your laptop into checked luggage, keep in mind that they slam it onto the conveyor upside down, wheels UP. So put the laptop at the bottom, wheel side. The apes, who load the luggage from the carts onto the conveyor, that goes up into the airplane, they just LOVE slamming luggage onto the hard bottom roller and listen for the sound of tinkling laptop screens. The excuse is that if they put it on the belt with the bottom (wheels) down, it might roll off the conveyor. It wouldn't, but that is their story. That's all there is. Have FUN! DearWebby
Fran and Jane were at one of the benches for smokers outside Dallas/Fort Worth airport. They were quite obviously nervous about their flight and had bought some flight insurance at the terminal. They told me that they couldn't make up their minds about who to name as beneficiaries, so they had ended up each naming the other. I was quite amused when I saw them both get up at the same time to board the same plane.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com CD Jewel Case Picture Frame By Christina from Paducah, KY I took an old CD case and popped the two pieces apart, turned the clear side around and put it back together so now it would stand up in an A frame. Then I took a picture some stickers and some patterned paper and made a picture frame out of it. Source: I read somewhere you could make a frame from a CD case so I tried it out. Not sure where but thanks if someone from here.
the need is great, folks, help sponsor a Millenial!
____________________________________________________ British Subway Announcements: At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon): "Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Let the passengers OFF THE TRAIN FIRST! Oh go on then, get run over by Big Bertha, see if I care, I'm going home." "I am sorry about the delay, apparently some nutter has just wandered into the tunnel at Euston. We don't know when we'll be moving again, but these people tend to come out pretty quickly...usually in bits and pieces." ____________________________________________________
Photos of horses.
Count the "F"s in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS. Tell me before I send the answer tomorrow.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today on December 6
1774 Austria became the first nation to introduce a national
education system. 

1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was
ratified. The amendment abolished slavery in the U.S. 

1877 Thomas Edison demonstrated the first gramophone, with a
recording of himself reciting Mary Had a Little Lamb. 

1884 The construction of the Washington Monument was
completed by Army engineers. The project took 34 years. 

1889 Jefferson Davis died in New Orleans. He was the first
and only president of the Confederate States of America. 

1907 In Monongah, WV, 361 people were killed in America's
worst mine disaster. 

1917 More than 1,600 people died when two munitions ships
collided in the harbor at Halifax, Nova Scotia. 

1917 Finland proclaimed independence from Russia. 

1921 The Catholic Irish Free State was created as a self-
governing dominion of Britain when an Anglo-Irish treaty was

1923 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge became the first
president to give a presidential address that was broadcast
on radio. 

1926 In Italy, Benito Mussolini introduced a tax on

1947 Everglades National Park in Florida was dedicated by
U.S. President Truman. 

1957 AFL-CIO members voted to expel the International
Brotherhood of Teamsters. The Teamsters were readmitted in

1957 America's first attempt at putting a satellite into
orbit failed when the satellite blew up on the launch pad at
Cape Canaveral, FL. 

1982 11 soldiers and 6 civilians were killed when a bomb
exploded in a pub in Ballykelly, Northern Ireland. The Irish
National Liberation Army was responsible for planting the

1983 In Jerusalem, a bomb planted on a bus exploded killing
six Israelis and wounding 44. 

1989 The worst mass shooting in Canadian history occurred
when a man gunned down 14 women at the University of
Montreal's school of engineering. The man then killed

1990 Iraq announced that it would release all its 2,000
foreign hostages. 

1992 In India, thousands of Hindu extremists destroyed a
mosque. The following two months of Hindu-Muslim rioting
resulted in at least 2,000 people being killed. 

1993 Former priest James R. Porter was sentenced to 18 to 20
years in prison. Porter had admitted molesting 28 children in
the 1960s. 

1994 Orange County, CA, filed for bankruptcy protection due
to investment losses of about $2 billion. The county is one
of the richest in the U.S. and became the largest
municipality to file for bankruptcy. 

1997 A Russian Antonov 124 military transport crashed into a
residential area in Irkutsk, Russia, shortly after takeoff.
70 people were killed. 

1998 In Venezuela, former Lieutenant Colonel Hugo Chavez was
elected president. He had staged a bloody coup attempt
against the government six years earlier. 

1998 Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Endeavour connected
the first two building blocks of the international space
station in the shuttle cargo bay. 

2002 Winona Ryder was sentenced to 36 months of probation and
480 hours of community service stemming from her conviction
for shoplifting from Saks Fifth Avenue. She was also ordered
to pay $10,000 in fines and restitution. 

2002 Officials released the detailed plans for a $4.7 million
memorial commemorating Princess Diana. The large oval
fountain was planned to be constructed in London's Hyde Park.

2016  smiled.

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Fake Winzip 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, December 5

Where I grew up in the mountains of Austria, Saint Nicholas
used to visit in the evening of December 5, berate and
thundered at the kids about their sins and misbehaviors,
praise them for the few things they had done right, and give
them a cloth baggie with ginger bread, the fresh, soft kind,
and maybe an orange and a little chocolate bar.

When I was in college, because I had a motor bike, and
because my voice had already broken to the deep adult voice,
I got ordered to go play Santa at Jagdberg, the juvenile jail
and institutional school.

I don't know who was more scared, me of the hordes of
juvenile delinquents, or the kids of the windblown and rather
rough looking Santa. However, the teachers gave me a double
shot of "cherry water", a clear and very potent locally
distilled moonshine. 

No problem after that. One classroom at a time, with a page
for each kid. I was thundering at them like a pro in no time
flat. The deal was to first get the juves to show a tear or
two, then to make them smile. 
And on the way to the next classroom some of the teachers
made me smile.

I was almost sorry when I had finished the 25 classrooms. By
then I was just flying. To crown it, the dean handed me the
bag and the sheets for all of the staff. So I thundered at

After that, they gave me a baggie of goodies and bid me good
bye. So I rode my bike, fake beard flowing in the wind, to my
girlfriend's place and played Santa there. She sure made me

Good old days!
I did that 5 years in a row.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
NY burglar caught in vent above Pontillo's Pizza
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 5 in 

1797 Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command forces
 for the invasion of England. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. --- Jerry Seinfeld ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Q: Why are dogs sniffing hydrants ? A: Checking their PeeMail ______________________________________________________ When I consider how sweaters tend to make me sweat, I'm a lot less inclined to wear my windbreaker. ______________________________________________________ Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "Why'd you do that?" The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready." Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here." The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick. The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?" The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true." The passenger says, "Huh?" The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, 'I wish that schmuck would've tried that stuff with me!' " ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Richard Graham, 53, Rochester, NY Rochester, NY burglar caught in vent above Pontillo's A man was arrested early Friday morning after getting stuck in an air duct while allegedly trying to burglarize a pizza shop. This happened around 3:45 a.m. at the Pontillo's Pizzeria in Penfield at Rt. 441 and Five Mile Line Road. David Reed was hanging up Christmas lights at a neighboring business and heard someone yelling for help. "I was asking, 'Where are you?' - and same thing - 'Get me out of here!' I said, 'Okay I'll find out who can go up there and look,'" said Reed. Monroe County Sheriff's deputies found 53-year-old Richard Graham stuck in an air vent above a pizza oven in Pontillo's Pizzeria. It took the Penfield Fire Department about 20 minutes to cut Graham out of the vent. Graham was transported to Strong Memorial Hospital for minor injuries where he was treated and released to deputies. Graham was arraigned in Penfield Town Court on charges of third degree burglary, second degree criminal mischief and possession of burglary tools. He was remanded to the Monroe County Jail with no bail due to his status as a predicate felon. Graham caused more than $2,000 in damages to the pizzeria, according to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office. NYSDOCCS records indicate Graham has served at least six prison sentences, starting with a conviction for robbery and burglary back in 1986. He was remanded to the Monroe County Jail with no bail due to his status as a predicate felon He had just been released from jail on November 21 after pleading guilty to two felony charges. He was scheduled to be sentenced next week. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Denise RE: Fake Winzip Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I get notices from Win Zip to purchase their program. I checked and I have Win Zip until August 2017. I have a problem in entering the "key" to verify this. Win Zip says that I have 900+ errors and wants me to purchase. Can you help? Denise Dear Denise The real WinZip does not do that. 900+ errors is a sure sign of a fake program and infection. Don't give your key to the fake one! Uninstall the fake one, run McAfee and Malwarebytes and then download a fresh one directly from Winzip.com Since nowadays no or almost no LEGITIMATE programs still use zip files, I have let mine lapse ten or more years ago. I have not missed it. In case there is a legitimate program that requires unzipping, I could use either the free Winzip or 7Zip. Whenever something claims that you have hundreds of errors, that is usually a sure sign of an infection making phony claims. Have FUN! DearWebby
An old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he was startled awake by the doorbell. He staggered off the couch to make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman. "Oh my goodness," the pretty young thing exclaimed, "I'm at the wrong house." "Sweetheart, you're at the right house," the old guy assured her. "But you're forty years too late."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Set Up a Week's Coffee on Sunday Night By Carol L Craig [21 Posts, 71 Comments] Save time by setting your weekly morning coffee up Sunday night. Just fill up seven coffee filters with your favorite grounds. Then stack the coffee filters on top of each other and place them inside an empty coffee can with a sealable lid. In the morning, just pull out a pre-filled filter, add water to your pot, and serve to taste. By florida gal from Spring Hill, FL I learned that in the early 70s from Sandy, a night shift waitress at the truck stop. When things were slow, she set out a pack of filters in front of her favorite customer, (me) I separated them for her, she dumped a big scoop of coffee into each and lowered it into a tall can, all the wile talking up a storm and flashing a nice cleavage. Good old days!
Who needs a fishing net!
____________________________________________________ A paramedic was asked on a local TV talk-show program: "What was your most unusual and challenging 911 call?" "Recently we got a call from that big white church at 11th and Walnut," the paramedic said. "A frantic usher was very concerned that during the sermon an elderly man passed out in a pew and appeared to be dead. The usher could find no pulse and there was no noticeable breathing." "What was so unusual and demanding about this particular call?" the interviewer asked. "Well," the paramedic said, "we carried out four guys before we found the one who was dead." ____________________________________________________
Artist creates beautiful sculptures from the pages of books.
Leroy and Bubba drove into a lumberyard. Bubba walked in and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" Bubba said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "Alright. How long do you need them?" asked the clerk. Bubba paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After awhile, he returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today on December 5

1560 Charles IX succeeded as King of France on the death of
Francis II. 

1766 James Christie, founder of the famous auctioneers, held
his first sale in London. 

1776 In Williamsburg, VA, at the College of William and Mary
the first scholastic fraternity in America, Phi Beta Kappa,
was organized. 

1782 The first native U.S. president, Martin Van Buren, was
born in Kinderhook, NY. 

1797 Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command forces
for the invasion of England. 

1812 Napoleon Bonaparte left his army as they were retreating
from Russia. 

1848 U.S. President Polk triggered the Gold Rush of '49 by
confirming the fact that gold had been discovered in

1876 The Stillson wrench was patented by D.C. Stillson. The
device was the first practical pipe wrench. 

1901 Movie producer Walt Disney was born in Chicago. He
created his first Mickey Mouse cartoon at the age of 27. 

1904 The Russian fleet was destroyed by the Japanese at Port
Arthur, during the Russo-Japanese War. 

1908 At the University of Pittsburgh, numerals were first
used on football uniforms worn by college football players. 

1913 Britain outlawed the sending of arms to Ireland. 

1932 German physicist Albert Einstein was granted a visa
making it possible for him to travel to the U.S. 

1933 Prohibition came to an end when Utah became the 36th
state to ratify the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. 

1934 Fighting broke out between Italian and Ethiopian troops
on the Somalian border. 

1934 The Soviet Union executed 66 people charged with
plotting against Joseph Stalin's government. 

1935 In Montebello, CA, the first commercial hydroponics
operation was established. 

1936 The Soviet Union adopted a new Constitution under a
Supreme Council. 

1944 During World War II, Allied troops took Ravenna, Italy. 

1945 The so-called "Lost Squadron" disappeared. The five U.S.
Navy Avenger bombers carrying 14 Navy flyers began a training
mission at the Ft. Lauderdale Naval Air Station. They were
never heard from again. 

1951 The first push button-controlled garage opened in
Washington, DC. 

1955 The American Federation of Labor and the Congress of
Industrial Organizations merged to form the AFL-CIO. 

1956 British and French forces began a withdrawal from Egypt
during the Suez War. 

1958 Britain's first motorway, the Preston by-pass, was
opened by Prime Minister Macmillan. 

1961 United Nations forces launched an attack in Katanga, the
Congo, near Elizabethville. 

1962 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to cooperate in the
peaceful uses of outer space. 

1971 The Soviet Union, at United Nations Security Council,
vetoed a resolution calling for a cease-fire in hostilities
between India and Pakistan over Kashmir. 

1976 Jacques Chirac re-founded the Gaullist party as the RPR
(Rassemblement pour la République). 

1977 Egypt broke diplomatic relations with Syria, Libya,
Algeria, Iraq and South Yemen due to peaceful relations with

1978 The American space probe Pioneer Venus I, orbiting
Venus, began beaming back its first information and picture
of the planet. 

1979 Sonia Johnson was formally excommunicated by the Mormon
Church due to her outspoken support for the proposed Equal
Rights Amendment to the Constitution. 

1983 In west Beirut, Lebanon, more than a dozen people were
killed when a car bomb shattered a nine-story apartment

1983 The video arcade game "NFL Football" was unveiled in
Chicago. It was the first video arcade game to be licensed by
the National Football League. 

1984 Iran's official news agency quoted the hijackers of a
Kuwaiti jetliner parked at Tehran airport as saying they
would blow up the plane unless Kuwait released 14 imprisoned

1986 The Soviet Union said it would continue to abide by the
SALT II treaty limits on nuclear weapons. This was despite
the decision by the U.S. to exceed them. 

1988 Jim Bakker and former aide Richard Dortch were indicted
by a federal grand jury in North Carolina on fraud and
conspiracy charges. 

1989 Israeli soldiers killed five heavily armed Arab
guerrillas who crossed the border from Egypt. The guerrillas
were allegedly going to launch a terrorist attack
commemorating the anniversary of the Palestinian uprising. 

1989 East Germany's former leaders were placed under house

1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin kept the power to
appoint Cabinet ministers, defeating a constitutional
amendment that would have put his team of reformers under the
control of Russia's Congress. 

1998 James P. Hoffa became the head of the Teamsters union,
23 years after his father was the head. His father
disappeared and was presumed dead. 

2001 In Germany, Afghan leaders signed a pact to create a
temporary administration for post-Taliban Afghanistan. Two
women were included in the cabinet structure. Hamid Karzai
and his Cabinet were planned to take over power in
Afghanistan on December 22. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 300 million applications

2010 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft became the longest-
operating spacecraft ever sent to Mars. The Odyssey entered
orbit around Mars on October 23, 2001. 

2014 NASA's Orion Multi-Purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV) debuted
when it was launched for a four hour test flight. It landed
on target in the Pacific Ocean. 

2016  smiled.

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Pictures from camera to computer 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, December 4

Thank you, Sig!!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Ohio Hunter accused of killing man’s beloved working dogs
 is charged, loses job.
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 4 in 

1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision. --- Blake Clark The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. --- Calvin Trillin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Bill from L.A. told me about their the power failure today. His wife, Kathy, apparently heard a plane flying low overhead. She noticed the plane's landing lights were on and said, "Must not be a widespread power outage -- the plane's lights are on." She was lucky she was not downtown. I heard that during the latest power failure in Los Angeles thousands of people were trapped for hours on store escalators. ______________________________________________________ The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely was not him. The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth. Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening he replies: "I cannot see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotations and we'll choose a contractor to fix the silly wall." ______________________________________________________ A 3-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Chedester, St. Clairsville, Ohio Hunter accused of killing man’s beloved working dogs is charged, loses job. The hunter accused of shooting and killing a Belmont County man’s two beloved dogs now faces charges, and he’s lost his job. According to court records, Michael Chedester, of St. Clairsville, faces two counts of cruelty to animals. His arraignment is set for Dec. 8. The charges are the first of their kind in Belmont County under the newly-passed Goddard’s Law. Pete Byers, the owner of the dogs named Bella and Emmy, first posted about the situation on Monday — and it quickly spread on social media. Byers told WTOV that he was getting ready to head to Pittsburgh with his dogs for a work trip when they disappeared Monday. A search group assembled and eventually found Chedester, who had a tree stand in the area. Byers said he asked Chedester if he killed the dogs. He said the hunter admitted to shooting them and offered to “buy him two new ones.” Byers said he found his dogs in a brush pile near the tree stand after spotting Emmy’s paw sticking out from under the logs. Chedester had cut their collars off to keep as trophies. According to WTOV, Chedester told authorities that the dogs had chased a deer past his stand at least three times. The third time, he said, they stopped under his stand. Chedester then allegedly shot one of the dogs. Belmont County Prosecutor Dan Fry said he believes the bullet that hit that dog also hit the second dog. Then Chedester allegedly shot the second dog. The charges were filed Wednesday. If the bonehead had paid attention instead of playing with himself, he would have realized that the dogs were bringing a deer to him three times, just like high priced hunting dogs are trained to do. WTOV reports that Chedester has also been fired from his forestry supervisor job with American Electric Power. A statement from AEP to WTOV says: “AEP expects the highest level of conduct from our employees, both on the job and outside of work. We are saddened by the situation that unfolded this week involving an off-duty AEP Ohio employee and the death of the two dogs. This individual is no longer employed by AEP.” As a felon, his gun owning days are over. As an asshole, I expect he will get a lot of hate-mail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Fran RE: Camera to computer Dear Webby, Dear Webby What is better, a camera that downloads directly to the computer, or a camera where you have to remove a chip and copy from that into the computer. one of my friends has one type, another friend has the other type, and of course each claims their version is better. What is YOUR recommendation ? Fran Dear Fran The better cameras offer both methods, but if you have a choice, you throw away the camera-to-computer cable. (Keep the camera-to-TV cable) If you are limited to downloading directly to the computer via a very special cable and program, you are totally out of luck if your camera's memory is full while you are on a canoe trip and don't have the computer along. If you have removable chips, you pop out the full chip and push in the next one. Those memory chips are very sturdy, and they just fit into the parking meter change pockets that you get on some belts or can easily make with a bit of cloth glued to the back side of the belt. A memory chip reader is $4 - $15 and reads all modern memory chips. Personally, I use mostly 2 GB chips, and I also use them instead of floppies. Yep, no more slow and fragile 1.4 MB floppies if you can use 2 GB chips that run at almost the same speed as a hard drive. When you slide that memory chip into the reader or the computer, you instantly have an extra harddrive. You can then copy the pictures from the chip or even edit them right on the chip. While on a trip, I usually crop and size pictures and then use FileZilla to upload the pictures to the net, right from the chip, and of course also drag them to the laptop. Have FUN! DearWebby
An English soldier, an American solider and a Russian soldier found themselves sharing a table in a Bosnian restaurant, and the conver sation turned towards how well fed each of them was. "In the Russian army we have 2000 calories of food a day" said the Russian. "Well", said the Englishman, "In the British army we are given 4000 calories of food a day." "That's nothing", said the American, "in the US army we have 8000 calories of food a day". At this the Russian got very annoyed. "Nonsense", he said, "how could one man eat that much cabbage!!!."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easiest Gingerbread Man Reindeer Cookies By attosa [256 Posts, 581 Comments] Get more bang out of your gingerbread buck by simply turning the men upside down and decorating as a reindeer! Use other common holiday candies (candy canes, cinnamon beads) as decoration. Enjoy! Source: My husband's crafty cousin
hey, it's 505 here
____________________________________________________ The new preacher, at this first service, had a pitcher of water and a glass on the pulpit. As he preached,he drank until the pitcher of water was completely gone. After the service, someone asked an old woman of the church, "How did you like the new pastor?" "Fine," she said, "but he's first windmill I ever saw that ran on water." ____________________________________________________
If you've had a stressful day, watch this nature video with beautiful scenery and soothing music.
Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? A: K9P
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today on December 4

1812 Peter Gaillard patented the power mower. 

1867 The National Grange of Husbandry was founded. 

1875 William Marcy Tweed, the "Boss" of New York City's
Tammany Hall political organization, escaped from jail and
fled from the U.S. 

1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson set sail for France to
attend the Versailles Peace Conference. Wilson became the
first chief executive to travel to Europe while in office. 

1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered the
dismantling of the Works Progress Administration. The program
had been created in order to provide jobs during the Great
Depression and became obsolete during WWII. 

1942 U.S. bombers attacked the Italian mainland for the first
time during World War II. 

1943 Baseball Commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis announced
that any club was free to employ black players. 

1945 The U.S. Senate approved American participation in the
United Nations. 

1965 The U.S. launched Gemini 7 with Air Force Lt. Col. Frank
Borman and Navy Comdr. James A. Lovell on board. 

1973 Pioneer 10 reached Jupiter. 

1977 Jean-Bedel Bokassa, ruler of the Central African Empire,
crowned himself emperor in a ceremony believed to have cost
more than $100 million. He was deposed 2 years later. 

1978 Dianne Feinstein became San Francisco's first woman
mayor when she was named to replace George Moscone, who had
been murdered. 

1979 For the second time, the United Nations Security Council
voted unanimously to urge Iran to free American hostages
had been taken on November 4. 

1980 The bodies of four American nuns slain in El Salvador
two days earlier were unearthed. Five national guardsmen were
later convicted of the murders. 

1983 U.S. jet fighters struck Syrian anti-aircraft positions
in Lebanon in retaliation for attacks directed at American
reconnaissance planes. Navy Lt. Robert O. Goodman Jr. was
shot down and captured by Syria. 

1984 A five-day hijack drama began as four men seized a
Kuwaiti airliner en route to Pakistan and forced it to land
in Tehran. Two American passengers were killed by the

1986 Both U.S. houses of Congress moved to establish special
committees to conduct their own investigations of the Iran-
Contra affair. 

1987 Cuban inmates at a federal prison in Atlanta freed their
89 hostages, peacefully ending an 11-day uprising. 

1988 The government of Argentina announced that hundreds of
heavily armed soldiers had ended a four-day military revolt. 

1990 Iraq promised to release 3,300 Soviet citizens it was

1991 Associated Press correspondent Terry Anderson was
released after nearly seven years in captivity in Lebanon. 

1991 Pan American World Airways ceased operations. 

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered American troops
to lead a mercy mission to Somalia. 

1993 The Angolan government and its UNITA guerrilla foes
formally adopted terms for a truce. The conflict was killing
an estimated 1,000 people per day. 

1994 Bosnian Serbs released 53 out of about 400 UN
peacekeepers they were holding as insurance against further
NATO airstrikes. 

1997 The National Basketball Association (NBA) suspended
Latrell Sprewell of the Golden State Warriors for one year
for choking and threatening to kill his coach, P.J.

2000 O.J. Simpson was involved in an incident with another
motorist in Miami, FL. Simpson was accused of scratching the
other motorists face while pulling off the man's glasses. 

2001 O.J. Simpson's home in Florida was raided by the FBI in
an ongoing two year international investigation into drug
trafficking, satellite service pilfering and money
laundering. An unusable satellite tuner decoder board was
taken from Simpson's home and no drugs were found. 

2016  smiled.

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How to make new icons without buying a program 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, December 3

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Tampa woman, fleeing after hit-and-run accident,
crashes car into home, charged with DUI, again.
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 3 in 

1910 The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at the
Paris Motor Show. The lamp was developed by French physicist
Georges Claude. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your first baby, did Grandpa ever handle the middle-of-the-night feeding?" "No. I always did that." "That must have been before you had women's liberation." "No, it was before we had baby bottles." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Betty-Sue passed out and Bubba, her husband, called 911. The operator said they would send someone out right away and asked, "Where do you live?" Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?" ______________________________________________________ A lady was driving from her husband's office to the kids' school, with twelve youngsters in the car, when she blew past a red light, and a police car. Much to the delight of the kids, the police officer pulled her over, wrote her a ticket, lectured her on traffic safety, and finished by saying, "Lady, don't you know when to stop?" Tomato red in the cheeks, the embarrassed woman said, "Officer, only seven of them are mine!" ______________________________________________________ As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where Jill work, she asks the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, she prints it on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrists. Once when she asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine Jill's surprise, when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses' station screaming: "Who's responsible for labeling my mother 'bananas'?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Danica Eleen Zagara, 52, Tampa, Florida Tampa woman, fleeing after hit-and-run accident, crashes car into home, charged with DUI, again. On her way home from a bar, a Tampa woman left the scene of a car crash and then drove her car into a home Friday night, authorities reported. The incident marks the third time Danica Eleen Zagara, 52, of Tampa, has been charged with driving under the influence. She was also charged with driving under the influence with property damage in Friday's crash. There was no mention of her Hit-and-Run. Hillsborough County Sheriff's Deputies received a call about 8 p.m. Friday that Zagara had driven her blue 2002 Dodge Intrepid into a living room at 12015 N Oregon Ave. in the neighborhood of North Forest Hills. The resident was not home. Deputies administered first aid to Zagara and spoke with a witness, who said he had followed her after she left the scene of a hit and run crash at Fowler and Florida avenues. Zagara, of 504 El Sereno Place, told deputies she had just left Copper Top Pub and was on her way home. She was released from Orient Road Jail on Saturday on $2,250 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Art RE: How to make my own icons Dear Webby, Dear Webby How do i make my own icons without buying any programns? You had something about that a few years ago, but at the time I didn't need extra icons. Art Dear Art I will show you how to do it with just the built in programs. It is still the same as it has been since Windows 2. Make a folder for your icons in a reasonably easy to find spot. Yes, I know, the default would be in some totally insane location, that you can never find again. Ignore that and find the C: drive, C:\ and in that make the folder, so it is at C:\icons Find a picture that is suitable or paint one. It should have LOTS of contrast and few colors. You can use the built in Microsoft Paint. It is crude and simple, but has been included with DOS and Windows since the stone age. It still works. START paint An ideal icon is for example the icon for FileZilla, the best FTP program available. It is simply a dark red background with a white Fz on it. It really sticks out from among herds of cutesy icons. Once you have a suitable picture, resize it down to 64 x 64. Then save it as a BMP file. Yes, BMP. I know, BMP does not work on the web, but you are making an icon for your computer, not the web. So save it as for example Inlaws.bmp into your icons folder. Then close PAINT, unless you have to make a bunch more. When you got all your icons painted and resized, close PAINT. Open the File Explorer RIGHT-click START Open Windows Explorer Find your C:\icons folder and be glad it is not deep down in the mess. In the icons folder, find inlaws.bmp, highlight it until the name becomes editable, and change it to inlaws.ico Ignore the warning. Now you can go to the program or bat on the desktop, that needs the new icon. Right-click it, properties, change icon browse to c:\icons and select inlaws.ico Done! That is all there is to it. You can, of course, use any other paint or graphics program too, as long as it lets you save the picture as .BMP Once upon a time we had just .GIF for the coarse and limited stuff and .BMP for higher resolution. In the days when Digital cameras used 360 KB floppies for storage, we had to be very careful with file size. We had a choice of 1 picture in BMP or 36 pictures in GIF. And lug around a shoe box full of floppies on all trips. Around that time Windows got created, and they decided to use .BMP for really cutesy icons, instead of .GIF for high visibility. Buncha Yuppies! We have been stuck with that ever since. Other than the icons, .BMP has become extinct and is no longer in use. Have FUN! DearWebby
While the US stock market is at an all time high, the ups and downs frighten a lot of small investors. Bob went to his financial advisor at the bank and ask if he were worried. He replied that he slept like a baby. Bob was amazed and asked, "Really ??? Even with all the fluctuations?" He said, "Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Mama Sue's Sausage Stew By StellaBell [187 Posts, 176 Comments] Sausage stew is a delicious and easy meal to throw together. It can be made on the stove, in a crockpot or in the oven. As a kid, we ate this meal several times a month. It is one of my favorite comfort foods as an adult. My siblings and I all have slightly different variations of our mom's recipe, this is my version. Ingredients: 1 polska kielbasa (I use turkey kielbasa for a healthy substitute) 1 lb carrots (I use baby carrots to make prepping easier) 2-3 Yukon Gold potatoes 1 large yellow onion 5-6 cloves of garlic, chopped fresh parsley 2-3 celery stalks (optional) 1 1/2 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce salt and pepper 1 tsp Italian seasoning Steps: Cut the sausage into 1/2 inch pieces. Brown the sausage on each side and set aside. Chop the onion and garlic. Cut the potatoes into 1 inch pieces. If using regular sized carrots cut into 1 inch rounds. If using baby carrots, leave whole. In the same pan that you browned the sausage in, sautee the onions until golden brown. Then add the garlic and sautee for a minute. Then add the potatoes and carrots. Add the worcestershire sauce, italian seasoning, salt, and pepper. Cover with a lid and simmer for about 15 minutes. Once the veggies have softened, add the sausage back in and cook for another minute or two, until the sausage is warmed. Serve with garlic bread.
winter vs people
____________________________________________________ A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the granny behind the wheel was knitting. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "PULL----OVER!" "NO!" the granny yelled back, "SCARF!" ____________________________________________________
If you've had a stressful day, watch this nature video with beautiful scenery and soothing music.
>From Bob Have you ever worked in an office where someone insisted upon listening to their voice mail using the speakerphone (at full volume, naturally). It can really begin to bother you after a while.I found a fairly easy fix for that, though. I have a young lady call his desk when he's not there and leave a message like "Hi, this is Candy from 1-900-HOT-BABE. You haven't paid for the 'toys' we sent you, you naughty boy. You wouldn't want me to come over there and spank you, would you?" It is the last time you hear that particular speakerphone, I can assure you.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today on December 3

1792 The trial of France's King Louis XVI began. He was
eventually put to death for the 33 charges. 

1833 Oberlin College in Ohio opened as the first truly
coeducational school of higher education in the United

1835 In Rhode Island, the Manufacturer Mutual Fire Insurance
Company issued the first fire insurance policy. 

1910 The neon lamp was displayed for the first time at the
Paris Motor Show. The lamp was developed by French physicist
Georges Claude. 

1917 The Quebec Bridge opened for traffic after almost 20
years of planning and construction. The bridge suffered
partial collapses in 1907 (August 29) and 1916 (September

1931 Alka Seltzer was sold for the first time. 

1947 The Tennessee Williams play "A Streetcar Named Desire"
opened at Broadway's Ethel Barrymore Theater. 

1948 The "Pumpkin Papers" came to public light. The House Un-
American Activities Committee announced that former
spy Whittaker Chambers had produced microfilm of secret
documents hidden inside a pumpkin on his Maryland farm. 

1967 In Cape Town, South Africa, a team of surgeons headed by
Dr. Christian Barnard, performed the first human heart
transplant on Louis Washkansky. Washkansky only lived 18

1967 The famed luxury train, "20th Century Limited,"
completed its final run from New York to Chicago. 

1973 Pioneer 10 sent back the first close-up images of
Jupiter. The first outer-planetary probe had been launched
from Cape Canaveral, FL, on March 2, 1972. 

1982 Doctors at the University of Utah Medical Center removed
the respirator of Barney Clark. The retired dentist had
become the world's first recipient of a permanent artificial
heart only one day before. 

1983 3-foot-high concrete barriers were installed at two
White House entrances. 

1984 In Bhopal, India, more than 2,000 people were killed
after a cloud of poisonous gas escaped from a pesticide
plant. The plant was operated by a Union Carbide subsidiary. 

1992 The UN Security Council unanimously approved a U.S.-led
military mission to help starving Somalians. 

1992 The Greek tanker "Aegean Sea" ran aground at La Coruna,
Spain and spilled 21.5 million gallons of crude oil. 

1993 Britain's Princess Diana announced she would be limiting
her public appearances because she was tired of the media's
intrusions into her life. 

1993 Angola's government and its rebel enemies agreed to a
cease-fire in their 18-year war. 

1994 Rebel Serbs in Bosnia failed to keep a pledge to release
hundreds of UN peacekeepers. 

1995 Former South Korean president Chun Doo-hwan was arrested
for his role in a 1979 coup. 

1997 In Ottawa, Canada, more than 120 countries were
represented to sign a treaty prohibiting the use and
production of anti-personnel land mines. The United States,
China and Russia did not sign the treaty. 

1997 South Korea received $55 billion from the International
Monetary Fund to bailout its economy. 

1999 Tori Murden became the first woman to row across the
Atlantic Ocean alone. It took her 81 days to reach the French
Caribbean island of Guadeloupe from the Canary Islands. 

1999 The World Trade Organization (WTO) concluded a four-day
meeting in Seattle, WA, without setting an agenda for a new
round of trade talks. The meeting was met with fierce
protests by various groups who did over a Billion dollars
worth of damage without having a clue what the WTO was about.

1999 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
lost radio contact with the Mars Polar Lander as it entered
Mars' atmosphere. The spacecraft was unmanned. 

2010 The Boeing X-37 returned to Earth on successfully after
its first orbital mission. It launched on April 22, 2010. 

2016  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, December 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
UK teacher "Loses Control" of Her Urges
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 2 in 

1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France at the 
Cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive? --- Irv Kupcinet The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like everybody else. --- Umberto Eco "It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted." --- Mary O'Connor ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir." ______________________________________________________ Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he barked at him: "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "just here to hook up your telephone." ______________________________________________________ Lady: Waiter, please bring me coffee without cream. Waiter: I'm afraid we've run out of cream. Would you like it without milk? ______________________________________________________ Commuter broom ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jill Meldrum-Jones 37, Warwickshire, England UK teacher "Loses Control" of Her Urges What was supposed to be an exciting school trip for one 15- year-old boy turned into an unforgettable public nightmare after his 37-year-old teaching assistant “groomed” him for sex. Jill Meldrum-Jones from Warwickshire in the UK began her relationship with the young boy while they were on a trip abroad. First, it began with taking long walks together. Then, she performed her first sex act on the student while in a minivan with other students onboard. From there they would go to secluded areas where they would perform oral sex on one another. Perhaps the most scandalous of all of their encounters on the trip was the flight home. During the ten-hour flight back to England, Meldrum-Jones, a married mother of two, “masturbated the boy three times and performed oral sex three times 'under the cover of darkness.'” The two did not have another physical encounter once back in England, but the teacher sent the boy highly sexual texts messages numerous times. The encounters came to light in February of this year after the boy told some of his friends and rumors began to fly around, eventually leading to the assistant teacher's arrest. Meldrum-Jones pled guilty to five charges of sexual activity with a child as well as two charges of causing or inciting a child to engage in sexual activity. She has been sentenced to two years and eight months in jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Chaubal RE: Subscription Dear Webby, Dear Webby For about two weeks now I am not receiving your daily humor. If my subscription got canceled accidently or due to some reason, kindly re-enter my subscription. I am looking forward to receiving your daily humor letter Thanks Chaubal Dear Chaubal You are still subscribed and the Humor Letter is sent out to you every day. Either your own or your ISP's spam control program is blocking the Humor Letter. Once the Humor Letter has left from here, there is nothing that I can do about it. You will have to check your end of the mailing yourself. Have FUN! DearWebby
The other day I was near the golf court and saw an unusual thing. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new set of golf clubs into the lake. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the lake, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs back into the water.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Dry Erase Marker on Polyester Question: Dry Erase Marker on Polyester By dotty [5 Posts, 3 Comments] Help! My grandson got dry erase marker on a brand new Detroit Tiger $80 jersey. it is 100% polyester. I tried everything I could think of. Please help; he's heartbroken. By Dotty By Grandma J [54 Posts, 1,045 Comments] Take it to a dry cleaners, for the simple $10 or less cost, versus the cost of buying and trying. They will tell you whether it can be done or not. Always tell the cleaners what the stains are, if possible. Clean things right away. The longer things sit, the harder to come out.
wooden music machine with marbles (not the one in the woods)
____________________________________________________ A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and the "Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World." Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist too -- probably better than Houdini." The giant nodded. "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?" Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes. "I can't get out of these," the giant growled. "Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it." "In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest...." ____________________________________________________
15 Seemingly adorable animals that could actually kill you.
>From Donnie Subject: Marketing Explained One buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING . However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is: _______________________ * You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to Him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. _____________________ * You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising. _____________________ * You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing. ____________________ * You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations. ______________________ * You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition. _________________________ *You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep. _________________________ * Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support. _________________________ * You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Facebook. _________________________ * You are at a party; this attractive older man walks by and lets you bump into him. That's Donald Trump. _________________________ * You liked that, but twenty years later your attorney decides you were offended and you are awarded a settlement. That's America !
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Today on December 2
1804 Napoleon was crowned emperor of France at the Cathedral
of Notre Dame in Paris. 

1816 The first savings bank in the U.S., the Philadelphia
Savings Fund Society, opened for business. 

1823 U.S. President James Monroe outlined his doctrine
opposing European expansion in the Western Hemisphere. 

1901 Gillette patented the KC Gillette Razor. It was first
razor to feature a permanent handle and disposable double-
edge razor blades. 

1917 During World War I, hostilities were suspended on the
eastern front. 

1927 The Ford Motor Company unveiled the Model A automobile.
It was the successor to the Model T. 

1939 New York's La Guardia Airport began operations as an
airliner from Chicago landed at 12:01 a.m. 

1942 A self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction was
demonstrated by Dr. Enrico Fermi and his staff at the
University of Chicago. 

1954 The U.S. Senate voted to condemn Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy
for what it called "conduct that tends to bring the Senate
into dishonor and disrepute." The censure was related to
McCarthy's controversial investigation of suspected
communists in the U.S. government, military and civilian

1961 Cuban leader Fidel Castro declared in a nationally
broadcast speech that he was a Marxist-Leninist and that he
was going to lead Cuba to communism. 

1969 The Boeing 747 jumbo jet got its first public preview as
191 people flew from Seattle, WA, to New York City, NY. Most
of the passengers were reporters and photographers. 

1970 The Environmental Protection Agency began operations. 

1980 The Central Committee of Poland’s Communist Party
announced major Politburo changes. The changes were aimed at
coping with labor unrest.

1982 Doctors at the University of Utah implanted a permanent
artificial heart in the chest of retired dentist Barney
Clark. He lived 112 days with the device. The operation was
the first of its kind. 

1988 Benazir Bhutto was sworn in as prime minister of

1989 V.P. Singh was sworn in as prime minister of India. 

1990 Chancellor Hekmut Kohl's coalition won the first free
all-German elections since 1932. 

1990 The Midwest section of the U.S. prepared for a massive
earthquake predicted by Iben Browning. The earthquakes did
not occur. 

1992 Germany's lower house of parliament voted in favor of
the Maastricht Treaty on European unity. 

1993 The space shuttle Endeavor blasted off on a mission to
fix the Hubble Space Telescope. 

1994 The U.S. government agreed not to seek a recall of
allegedly fire-prone General Motors pickup trucks. A deal was
made with GM under which the company would spend more than
$51 million on safety and research. 

1995 NASA launched a U.S.-European observatory on a $1
billion dollar mission intended to study the sun. 

1997 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an
independent counsel investigation of telephone fund-raising
by President Clinton and Vice President Gore. She had
concluded that they had not quite violated election laws. 

1998 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates donated $100 million
to help immunize children in developing countries. 

1999 The British government transferred political power over
the province of Northern Ireland to the Northern Ireland

2001 Enron Corp. filed for Chapter 11 reorganization. The
filing came five days after Dynegy walked away from a $8.4
billion buyout. It was the largest bankruptcy in U.S.

2010 NASA announced the discovery of a new arsenic-based life

2016  smiled.

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