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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 26

Happy Australia Day!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Connecticut man charged with breaking into Pet Hospital
and leaving his wallet and keys and blood at the scene
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 26 in
1500 Vicente Yáńez Pinzón discovered Brazil. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. --- Phyllis Diller I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days, I lost two weeks. --- Joe E. Lewis Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. --- Benjamin Franklin Washington is the only place where sound travels faster than light. --- C. V. R. Thompson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Wendy I used to think I was just a regular person, but . . . I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist. I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist. I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobic. I am a Christian, which now labels me as an infidel. I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which now makes me a militant. I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the lame stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary. I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe. I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right- wing extremist. I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist. I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens, which now makes me a militant. Funny, it has all just taken place over the last 7 or 8 years! I would like to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, new found changes in my life and my thinking! I just can't imagine or understand what's happened to me so quickly! Please help me come to terms with the new me . . . because I'm just not sure who I am anymore! As if all this crap wasn't enough to deal with. I'm now afraid to go into either restroom! In God We Trust. ------------ Wendy, there is a name for people like you and me, because we do something, that those name callers don`t do: We are The Tax Payers. Because of that, feel free to walk into any restroom and moon anybody you want. ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men. Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and he told me I asked too many questions! Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask? Mary: I thought I asked legitimate, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicholas Bruner 31, Stratford, Connecticut Connecticut man charged with breaking into Pet Hospital and leaving his wallet and keys and blood at the scene A Stratford man, traced by a blood trail, keys and a cell phone, has been charged with an October break-in at a veterinary hospital. Nicholas Bruner, 31, of Eureka Avenue, was arrested Saturday, Jan. 21, on the strength of a warrant charging him with third-degree burglary and second-degree criminal mischief. Stratford Police responded to a burglar alarm at the Pet Hospital of Stratford, 1185 Linden Ave., on Oct. 2, 2016. Officers found a broken window and blood on the windor frame, as well as a trail of blood on the floor, a set of keys and a cell phone. Police said the keys and phone were traced to Bruner. Bond was $10,000. Bruner is scheduled to appear in Bridgeport Superior Court. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kyle Re: Get a capable html e-mailer Dear Webby When I preview mail in MailWasher I have quite frequently seen the message: Get a capable html e-mailer in the top of a message. I use Legacy Eudora 6.5, and you simply can't get a more capable emailer than that. What is that all about? Thanks Kyle Dear Kyle Scammers frequently put that insto their scam to trick people into using an emailer, that will not protect them and cause problems for them, or simply an HTML based emailer, that will show their deceptive advertising pictures. Just make a filter to hide delete automatically if the body CONTAINS Get a capable html e-mailer and you will never see that garbage again. That`s all there is to it. I pity the few people, who don`t have MailWasher yet. Try the free version and see how easy it is! Have FUN! DearWebby
Two guys were discussing the prospects of "looming" retirement. While one guy had lots of hobbies, the other fellow had no hobbies, and was rather concerned about being set loose with nothing to do. The first guy suggested his friend go visit his kids. The man said, "Well, I only have two kids, but I could buy a motor home and go visit my brothers and sisters, that would take about a year." The first guy looked a bit puzzled, so his friend said, "I'm one of eighteen kids in my family." The first fellow's eyes got rather large, contemplating eighteen children, so the man volunteered to explain. "You see, my mother was hard of hearing. My Mom and Dad would go to bed at night, and my Dad would ask, 'Do you want to go to sleep, or what?' and my Mom would say, "What?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Cream Cheese Thumbprint Cookies By lalala... [795 Posts, 103 Comments] I had these at my friend Melanie's house, and they are definitely going to be one that we make every year! Yield: Approx. 32 cookies Source: All Recipes - Apricot Cream Cheese Thumbprints Ingredients: 1 1/2 cup butter, softened 1 1/2 cup sugar 1 pkg (8 oz) cream cheese, softened 2 eggs 1 large lemon (2 Tbsp. juice and 1 1/2 tsp. zest) 4 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 1 1/2 tsp baking powder 1 cup fruit preserves (I used Smucker's Simply Fruit Apricot and Red Raspberry) Steps: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. In a large bowl, soften cream cheese. Add sugar and softened butter. Mix thoroughly. Beat eggs, one at a time, into cream cheese mixture. Zest one large lemon. Add to cream cheese mixture. Squeeze 1/2 lemon for juice. Add 2 Tbsp. lemon juice and stir well. In a separate bowl, combine flour and baking powder. Add combined dry ingredients to cream cheese mixture in small amounts mixing well. Refrigerate for 1 hour, or until dough is firm. Scoop out 1 Tbsp. dough and roll into a ball in your hands. Continue until all the dough is shaped. Place the dough balls onto an ungreased cookie sheet, about 2 inches apart. Gently press your thumb into the center of each dough ball, leaving an indentation. Turn your thumb and press again for a more uniform cavity. Spoon 1/2 tsp. preserves into the center of each cookie. Place the cookie sheet into the oven and bake for 15 minutes, or until golden brown. Note: I prefer a softer cookie, so I do not bake them until the edges turn golden brown. Allow cookies to cool for a few minutes on the cookie sheet. Then place them on a wire rack to cool thoroughly. When packing them into a container, I recommend not stacking them directly on top of each other, as they will stick together.
24 1/2 mile jump
____________________________________________________ Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when she got a phone call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?" Jill said, "Nine dollars." She said, "How much for children?" Jill said, "Same price, it's nine dollars per seat." She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children." Jill said, "OK, put the kids on a plane somewhere, and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way." ___________________________________________________
Wonder what it would do if music from Mannheim Steamroller & Trans-Siberian Orchestra was played.
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing, "Yes he did," the boy replied, "dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 26
1500 Vicente Yáńez Pinzón discovered Brazil. 

1736 Stanislaus I formally abdicated as King of Poland. 

1784 In a letter to his daughter, Benjamin Franklin
expressed unhappiness over the eagle as the symbol of
America. He wanted the symbol to be the turkey. 

1788 The first European settlers in Australia, led by
Captain Arthur Phillip, landed in what became known as
Sydney. The group had first settled at Botany Bay eight
days before. This day is celebrated as Australia Day. 

1827 Peru seceded from Colombia in protest against Simón
Bolívar's alleged tyranny. 

1841 Britain formally occupied Hong Kong, which the
Chinese had ceded to the British. 

1875 George F. Green patented the electric dental drill
for sawing, filing, dressing and polishing teeth. 

1905 The Cullinan diamond, at 3,106.75 carats, was found
by Captain Wells at the Premier Mine, near Pretoria, South

1911 Inventor Glenn H. Curtiss flew the first successful

1934 The Apollo Theatre opened in New York City. 

1939 In the Spanish Civil War, Franco's forces, with
Italian aid, took Barcelona. 

1942 The first American expeditionary force to go to
Europe during World War II went ashore in Northern

1950 India officially proclaimed itself a republic as
Rajendra Prasad took the oath of office as president. 

1950 The American Associated Insurance Companies, of St.
Louis, MO, issued the first baby sitter’s insurance

1961 U.S. President John F. Kennedy appointed Dr. Janet G.
Travell as the first woman to be the "personal physician
to the President". 

1962 The U.S. launched Ranger 3 to land scientific
instruments on the moon. The probe missed its target by
about 22,000 miles. 

1965 Hindi was made the official language of India. 

1969 California was declared a disaster area after two
days of flooding and mudslides. 

1972 In Hermsdorf, Czechoslovakia, a JAT Yugoslav Airlines
flight crashed after the detonation of a bomb in the
forward cargo hold killing 27 people. The bomb was
believed to have been placed on the plane by a Croatian
extremist group. Vesna Vulovic, a stewardess, survived
after falling 33,000 feet in the tail section. She broke
both legs and became paralyzed from the waist down. 

1979 The ‘Gizmo’ guitar synthesizer was first

1992 Russian president Boris Yeltsin announced that his
country would stop targeting U.S. cities with nuclear

1993 Former Czechoslovak President Vaclav Havel was
elected president of the new Czech Republic. 

1994 In Sydney, Australia, a young man lunged at and fired
two blank shots at Britain's Prince Charles. 

1996 U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton testified
before a grand jury concerning the Whitewater probe. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton denied having an affair with a
former White House intern, saying "I did not have sexual
relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." 

1999 Saddam Hussein vowed revenge against the U.S. in
response to air-strikes that reportedly killed civilians.
The strikes were U.S. planes defending themselves against
anti-aircraft fire. 

2009 The Icelandic government and banking system
collapsed. Prime Minister Geir Haarde resigned. 

2010 It was announced that James Cameron's movie "Avatar"
had become the highest-grossing film worldwide. 

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 25

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida nom arrested for threatening day care worker 
with machete
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 25 in
1504 The English Parliament passed statutes against
retainers and liveries to curb private warfare. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. --- George F. Will (1941 - ) It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. --- Krishnamurti ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Today in 2005 Drunk Avalanche and Rescue Escape Man peed way out of avalanche A Slovak man trapped in his car under an avalanche freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it. Rescue teams found Richard Kral drunk and staggering along a mountain path four days after his Audi car was buried in the Slovak Tatra mountains. He told them that after the avalanche, he had opened his car window and tried to dig his way out. But as he dug with his hands, he realised the snow would fill his car before he managed to break through. He had 60 half-litre bottles of beer in his car as he was going on holiday, and after cracking one open to think about the problem he realised he could urinate on the snow to melt it, local media reported. He said: "I was scooping the snow from above me and packing it down below the window, and then I peed on it to melt it. It was hard and now my kidneys and liver hurt. But I'm glad the beer I took on holiday turned out to be useful and I managed to get out of there." Parts of Europe have this week been hit by the heaviest snowfalls since 1941, with some places registering more than ten feet of snow in 24 hours. ------------------- If he had followed the guidelines and stayed with his car, instead of staggering off into the landscape, he would have been rescued the same day. ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Nancy got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got lost or stuck in the snow, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Wayne An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ashley Dailey, 25, Sunrise, Florida Florida nom arrested for threatening day care worker with machete A woman in Sunrise, Florida, is facing numerous charges after police said she attempted to kidnap her children from a day care center and threatened an employee with a machete. Police said Ashley Dailey, 25, showed up at Early Learning Preschool on Wednesday morning and attempted to remove her children from the center, local station WSVN TV reports. Dailey currently does not have custody of her two children and is under court order to stay away from the school, according to the Miami Herald. According to an arrest report obtained by the paper, Dailey’s mother currently has full custody of the kids because the suspects mental instability make her a danger to herself and her children. Police said Dailey tried to leave with her kids, but her mother, who was also at the preschool grabbed them away from her. When the preschool director told her to leave, Dailey allegedly smashed a computer monitor in anger before going to the parking lot. The director followed her to the car and threatened to call the police. That’s when Dailey allegedly grabbed a machete she had in her Toyota Camry and swung it around. Officers arrived on the scene as Dailey was driving away, according to WSVN. Police said she crashed into two cars before being stopped in the southbound lanes of Interstate 95. In order to take Dailey into custody, officers had to smash her car window. Dailey was booked on numerous charges including aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, kidnapping, leaving the scene of a crash, and reckless driving, according to the Sun Sentinel. She remains at the Broward County Jail on $14,500 bail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ulrike Re: How reliable is PayPal Dear Webby I read that it is the most convenient way to pay over the net, but how reliable and how safe is PayPal ? Thanks Ulrike Dear Ulrike PayPal is 100% reliable and safe. There are a few cautions to keep in mind though. Don't use PayPal for large payments at the last minute before going on vacation. Their autoresponders may decide to consider them suspicious, stop them and send emails to you to confirm them. If you are on a world cruise, or helping a relative or friend somewhere, or doing missionary or development work in a foreign country, you might come home to a disconnected phone, foreclosed mortgage, re-possessed car, and all kinds of problems, not the least of which is that you will be arguing with autoresponders at PayPal.. However, as long as you keep that in mind and make any large or important payments two weeks before you expect to be off the net for a while, everything is fine. They are just protecting you. The same goes if there is a dispute with a merchant. They will side with you, but will also listen to the merchant side. Naturally, you should read the small print when ordering stuff, especially free samples of supplements, that have in the small print that if you don`t want to automatically sign up for a lifetime of automatic charges, you have to return the free samples 10 days before you receive them. PayPal will still help you, but it won`t be as fast and easy as for example if you have a dispute with a reasonably legitimate vendor. I have dealt with PayPal since around 2000, and have never had a problem with them. Have FUN! DearWebby
A high school teacher arrived late for class to find a most uncomplimentary drawing of herself on the blackboard. Fuming, she asked the class, "Who is responsible for this atrocity?!" The class clown won tremendous prestige among his peers by answering, "I don't know for sure, but it's probably something hereditary."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Indoor Snowball Fight Kit By lalala... [795 Posts, 103 Comments] Supplies: Bernat baby blanket yarn (white) giant pom pom maker scissors Steps: Open one half of the pom pom maker and begin wrapping yarn around it, working your way from one end to the other. Continue wrapping until it is almost full and there is only a slight arched space in the middle. Then clip that half closed and repeat on the other half. Use scissors to cut through the center of the wrapped yarn, along the groove. Repeat on the other side. Cut a length of yarn and pull it firmly into the groove, bringing the ends together. Tie a tight knot. I like to wrap the yarn around a second time and tie another knot. Cut off the excess yarn. Unclip the two sides, then separate the pom pom maker to release the pom pom. Trim any long pieces of yarn, if necessary. Make as many snowballs as you like.
Evan at school
____________________________________________________ >Thanks to Darla for this one: OPPORTUNITY ! Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple way to do it and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! TRY it now! Follow this simple procedure: 1. Open a new text or word document 2. Hold down the shift key. 3. Hit the 4 key four times really fast. ___________________________________________________
Wonder what it would do if music from Mannheim Steamroller & Trans-Siberian Orchestra was played.
After a lady's car had leaked motor oil on her cement driveway, she bought a large sack of cat litter to soak it up. It worked so well, that she went back to the convenience store to get another bag to finish the job. The clerk remembered her. Looking thoughtfully at her purchase, he said, "Lady, if that were my cat, I'd put her outside!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 25
1504 The English Parliament passed statutes against
retainers and liveries to curb private warfare. 

1533 England's King Henry VIII secretly married his second
wife Anne Boleyn. Boleyn later gave birth to Elizabeth I.

1579 The Treaty of Utrecht was signed marking the
beginning of the Dutch Republic. 

1799 Eliakim Spooner patented the seeding machine. 

1858 Mendelssohn’s "Wedding March" was presented for the
first time at the wedding of the daughter of Queen
Victoria and the Crown Prince of Prussia. 

1870 G.D. Dows patented the ornamental soda fountain. 

1881 Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell and others
signed an agreement to organize the Oriental Telephone

1890 The United Mine Workers of America was founded. 

1915 In New York, Alexander Graham Bell spoke to his
assistant in San Francisco, inaugurating the first
transcontinental telephone service. 

1924 The 1st Winter Olympic Games were inaugurated in
Chamonix in the French Alps. 

1946 The United Mine Workers rejoined the American
Federation of Labor. 

1959 In the U.S., American Airlines had the first
scheduled transcontinental flight of a Boeing 707.

1971 Maj. Gen. Idi Amin led a coup that deposed Milton
Obote and became president of Uganda. 

1981 The 52 Americans held hostage by Iran for 444 days
arrived in the United States and were reunited with their

1999 In Louisville, KY, man received the first hand
transplant in the United States. 

2011 A revolution began in Egypt with the demonstrations
that demanded the end of President Hosni Mubarak's rule. 

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 24

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Colorado man made sexual advances 
to female officer while he was naked
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 24 in
1848 James W. Marshall discovered a gold nugget at
Sutter's Mill in northern California. The discovery led to
the gold rush of '49. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I don't understand how anybody can call themselves intelligent and not believe in evolution. Just look at statues of people from ancient Greece and Rome, in ancient times most people had no noses or arms. Today almost everybody has them. --- Timmy King The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. --- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A small boy walked into a police station one day and said, 'I've got three big brothers and we all live in the same room. My eldest brother has seven cats. Another one has three dogs and the third has a goat. I want you to do something about the smell.' 'Are the any windows in your room?' asked the officer. 'Yes, of course there are!' said the boy. 'Have you tried opening them?' 'What and lose all my pigeons....?' ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been for you?" Ed asked. "Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dock into the sea, I had to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it all my business has just gone bust." "That sounds terrible", Ed said. "What business were you in?" Ted replied, "I sold good luck charms." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Wayne An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicholas Olson, 24, Aspen, Colorado Colorado man made sexual advances to female officer while he was naked Olson is accused of making "verbal sexual advances" to a female police officer — actions that definitely stood out, as it were, since at the time, the only thing he wore was a pair of ipod headphones. The story comes to us from the aspen times, which has been tracking olson's shenanigans for quite some time. In may 2015, the paper notes, he became acquainted with members of the aspen police department after being found sleeping in the stairwell of a tony restaurant, casa tua. Then, last july, cops found him dancing in the middle of castle creek road, allegedly under the influence of meth — a substance he was arrested for possessing the following month. But on sunday, september 11, police say he took things to the next level. At 6:15 p.M. That evening, officers were called to the spectacular limelight hotel on a report that olson was passed out on the establishment's front lawn. He was gone by the time they arrived. However, they managed to track him down a couple of blocks away, at which point he asked a sergeant on the scene for some meth. That was pretty standard behavior for olson, so the cops sent him on his way. But they had to take action just under two hours later, when they spotted him near the intersection of south monarch street and hopkins avenue. The reason was as plain as the penis on olson's body, which was in view because he'd ditched his clothes, reportedly in order to "feel free" as he listened to his ipod. At that point, a female officer told olson to get dressed — an order to which he allegedly responded by making what the times refers to as "verbal sexual advances toward the officer." In response, olson was given something to wear: a set of handcuffs. This choice of attire doesn't appear to have thrilled him much. He's accused of being uncooperative when the cops tried to put him into their patrol car, then refusing to leave it once they got to jail, where he was booked on suspicion of indecent exposure, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Westchester Animal Clinic Re: When I go to the Spybot site, there are a whole bunch of options. Which one is Spybot? I do not want to download ten things I do not need. Dear Westchester Animal If you go to the Spybot site via the link in the side menu of the Humor Letter, you get to a href=<""> There, under Home Users you see Spybot Free Edition That gets you to On that site, click on any of the mirrors and select Download Spybot Search and Destroy Windows Installer Or click on it here. Download Spybot Search and Destroy Windows Installer Have FUN! DearWebby
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their daughter in a cap and gown, posed with her father. "I want a good picture, so try to make this look natural," she said."Susan, put your arm around your dad's shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have her put her hand in my pocket and on my wallet ?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Muffin Tin Spinach Frittatas By lalala... [795 Posts, 103 Comments] Steps: Preheated oven to 375 degree F. Tear baby spinach into small pieces. Place in a large bowl. Add ricotta, sour cream, and cheddar and Parmesan cheeses. Stir to combine well. In a small bowl, beat together eggs, milk, Tabasco, cumin, salt, and pepper. Add the egg mixture to the spinach mixture. Stir well. Spray a muffin tin liberally with cooking spray. Spoon the mixture equally into the muffin tins. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes. Let cool for 5 minutes, then remove from muffin tins.
The Streaker
____________________________________________________ A career military man, who had retired as a corporal, was telling the younger men how he handled officers during his years of service. "It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major General, an Admiral, or the Commander-in- Chief. I always told those guys exactly where to get off. "Wow, you must have been something," the admiring young soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?" "Elevator operator in the Pentagon." ___________________________________________________
Art out of silverware.
What's the difference between education and experience? If you read the instructions, you have education. If you don't read the instructions, you WILL get experience.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 24
1848 James W. Marshall discovered a gold nugget at
Sutter's Mill in northern California. The discovery led to
the gold rush of '49. 

1899 Humphrey O’Sullivan patented the rubber heel. 

1908 In England, the first Boy Scout troop was organized
by Robert Baden-Powell. 

1916 Conscription was introduced in Britain. 

1922 Christian K. Nelson patented the Eskimo Pie. 

1924 The Russian city of St. Petersburg was renamed
Leningrad. The name has since been changed back to St.

1930 Primo Carnera made his American boxing debut by
knocking out Big Boy Patterson in one minute, ten seconds
of the opening round. 

1935 Krueger Brewing Company placed the first canned beer
on sale in Richmond, VA. 

1952 Vincent Massey was the first Canadian to be appointed
governor-general of Canada. 

1964 CBS-TV acquired the rights to televise the National
Football League’s 1964-1965 regular season. The move cost
CBS $14.1 million a year. The NFL stayed on CBS for 30

1965 Winston Churchill died at the age of 90. 

1972 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws that denied
welfare benefits to people who had resided in a state for
less than a year. 

1978 A nuclear-powered Soviet satellite plunged through
Earth's atmosphere and disintegrated. The radioactive
debris was scattered over parts of Canada's Northwest

1980 The United States announced intentions to sell arms
to China. 

1985 Penny Harrington became the first woman police chief
of a major city. She assumed the duties as head of the
Portland, Oregon, force of 940 officers and staff. 

1986 The Voyager 2 space probe flew past Uranus. The probe
came within 50,679 miles of the seventh planet of the
solar system. 

1987 In Lebanon, gunmen kidnapped educators Alann Steen,
Jesse Turner, Robert Polhill and Mitheleshwar Singh. They
were all later released. 

1989 Ted Bundy, the confessed serial killer, was put to
death in Floridas electric chair for the 1978 kidnap-
murder of 12-year-old Kimberly Leach. 

1990 Japan launched the first probe to be sent to the Moon
since 1976. A satellite was placed in lunar orbit. 

1996 Polish Premier Jozef Oleksy resigned due to
allegations that he had spied for Moscow. 

2001 In Colorado Springs, CO, Patrick Murphy Jr. and
Donald Newbury were taken into custody after a 5-minute
phone interview was granted with a TV station. They were
the remaining fugitives of the Texas 7.

2002 John Walker Lindh appeared in court for the first
time concerning the charges that he conspired to kill
Americans abroad and aided terrorist groups. Lindh had
been taken into custody by U.S. Marines in Afghanistan. 

2003 The U.S. Department of Homeland Security began
operations under Tom Ridge.

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 23

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Evil stepmother arrested in Pennsylvania for 
torturing 4 year old stepp-son
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 23 in
1556 An earthquake in Shanxi Province, China, 
was thought to have killed about 830,000 people.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others. --- Cyril Connolly ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing there, waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it." "That's right, Ma'am," one of them said. "That's why each one of us needs your autograph." And they held out their ticket pads for her to sign. ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The Rev. Billy Graham tells of at time early in his career when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. When the boy told him, Rev. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Baptist church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get . to Heaven." "I don't think I'll be there," the boy said. "You don't even know your way to the post office." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to dad for this one: This one bloomed today ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Wayne An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Danielle L. Miller, 31, Providence, Pennsylvania Evil stepmother arrested in Pennsylvania for torturing 4 year old stepp-son A stepmom in Pennsylvania has been arrested relating to claims she abused her 4-year-old stepson by beating and burning the toddler and feeding him adult laxatives and hot sauce. 31-year-old Danielle L. Miller of Providence Township, Pennsylvania is still in jail on a $300,000 bond. Nathan P. Duke, the boy's dad, is also incarcerated on $100,000 bail. He is charged with failing to stop or report the abuse, which may have been ongoing for as long as a year. The investigation began when a family member showed law enforcement pictures of the boy with bruises and injuries across his body. Medical experts determined most of the injuries were intentionally inflicted or suspicious burns. The criminal complaint noted the injuries were "too numerous to be explained by normal childhood activity and clearly indicative of inflicted trauma." One witness claimed she saw Miller verbally and physically abuse the boy every day for about three months. Miller made the toddler eat poop beans,ť which contained adult laxatives and then pour hot sauce in his mouth, and not give him water for 15 minutes. The witness also claimed Miller would play mermaid, that is, wrapping up the legs with a sheet and duct tape and confining him, and the boy also wore soiled pull-ups for hours at a time. It also appears that the stepmom locked the boy in a padded room, a closet, and then tortured him by scratching the wall and saying the "rats would come and get him." Miller also regularly cursed at the toddler, yelling: "I'm gonna kick your ass. You are a f–ing pig, You nasty ass hole,ť and You have a stupid, f–ing, ugly faace." Charges of aggravated assault, false imprisonment, unlawful restraint, endangering the welfare of a child, terroristic threats, reckless endangerment, and harassment have been filed against Miller. Duke faces charges of conspiracy to commit aggravated assault and endangering the welfare of a child, because he knew about it and did not stop or report the abuse. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Corey Re: Does a screensaver slow down a download? Dear Webby, Does a screensaver slow down a long download ? Corey Dear Corey If you use one of the standard screensavers, that come with Windows, except for the slide show, then they won't slow down a download. If you use third party screensavers, you will have to test them and see. Most don't affect downloads, but some, especially slide show type screensavers, do access the hard drive and could slow down your downloads. Have FUN! DearWebby
A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R." The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R." Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, ", can you spell 'before'?" stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent , now can you use it in a sentence?" says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Cheese Lover's Treat By likekinds [238 Posts, 1,102 Comments] I use to make a wicked baked macaroni and cheese, with two kinds of cheese for the macaroni and a third for the topping. On one occasion I baked that and an apple cake based on a carrot cake recipe, that Mama took to a church social. When I picked her up, I asked how the macaroni and cake tasted. She said, "I don't know. It was all gone before I got to taste either". I don't cook like that anymore. Anything I cook now is usually quick and easy. When I did cook macaroni, I let the cheese topping get a little brown and crusty around the edges. To me, that was the best part of the dish. With that in mind, I contrived a little snack I can't get enough of; simple, quick and delicious. Sooo good, people. And if you were doing this for breakfast, you could put scrambled eggs atop the snack once it has finished cooking. Much, much better than scrambled eggs with the cheese just melted on top or mixed in when scrambling. Go for it, y'all! Steps: Cut French bread into about 3/4 to an inch slices. Put a thin film of mayonnaise on one side of each. Put the slices in a non stick pan greased with melted butter, mayo side up. Then sprinkle a hefty layer of finely grated cheddar cheese on top. Watch and check closely. When the bread has toasted to a nice golden brown on the bottom, flip it over. With the cheese on the bottom, you have to work quickly. In less than a minute, the cheese will turn a rich, crusty brown, just like on the macaroni. Immediately remove from the pan onto a ready plate.
" target="_blank" >"> doggie ad
____________________________________________________ A Jewish lady goes into a furniture store owned by a Jewish man. She picks out a lamp she likes and brings it to the counter. She finds out the price is $69.95 and says, "Oy, down the street at Goldstein's these are only $49.95!" The owner asks why she doesn't buy it from Goldstein's, and she says because they just ran out of them. The owner then says, "Ha! Their price I beat! They're only $29.95 when I'm out of them!" ___________________________________________________
Sneaker art
A police car pulls up in front of Aunt Gertrude's house, and Uncle Leo gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and couldn't find his way home. "Oh Leo", said Aunt Gertrude, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! How could you get lost?" Leaning close to Aunt Gertrude, so that the policeman couldn't hear, Uncle Leo whispered, "I wasn't lost. I was just too tired to walk home."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 23
1556 An earthquake in Shanxi Province, China, was thought
to have killed about 830,000 people. 

1571 The Royal Exchange in London, founded by financier
Thomas Gresham, was opened by Queen Elizabeth I. 

1789 Georgetown College was established as the first
Catholic college in the U.S. The school is in Washington,

1920 The Dutch government refused the demands from the
Allies to hand over the ex-kaiser of Germany. 

1937 In Moscow, seventeen people went on trial during
Josef Stalin's "Great Purge." 

1943 Duke Ellington and the band played for a black-tie
crowd at Carnegie Hall in New York City for the first

1950 The Israeli Knesset approved a resolution proclaiming
Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. 

1960 The U.S. Navy bathyscaphe Trieste descended to a
record depth of 35,820 feet (10,750 meters) in the Pacific

1968 North Korea seized the U.S. Navy ship Pueblo,
charging it had intruded into the nation's territorial
waters on a spying mission. The crew was released 11
months later. They kept the ship.

1971 In Prospect Creek Camp, AK, the lowest temperature
ever recorded in the U.S. was reported as minus 80

1973 U.S. President Nixon announced that an accord had
been reached to end the Vietnam War. 

1978 Sweden banned aerosol sprays because of damage to
environment. They were the first country to do so. 

1985 O.J. Simpson became the first Heisman Trophy winner
to be elected to pro football’s Hall of Fame in Canton,

1989 Surrealist artist Salvador Dali died in Spain at age

1997 A judge in Fairfax, VA, sentenced Mir Aimal Kasi to
death for an assault rifle attack outside the CIA
headquarters in 1993 that killed two men and wounded three
other people. 

1997 A British woman received a record Ł186,000 damages
for Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI). 

2001 A van used by the remaining two fugitives of the
"Texas 7" was recovered in Colorado Springs, CO. A few
hours later police surrounded a hotel where the convicts
were hiding. Patrick Murphy Jr. and Donald Newbury were
taken into custody the next morning without incident. 

2002 John Walker Lindh returned to the U.S. under FBI
custody. Lindh was charged with conspiring to kill U.S.
citizens, providing support to terrorists and engaging in
prohibited transactions with the Taliban while a member of
the al-Quaida terrorist organization in Afghanistan. 

2003 North Korea announced that it would consider
sanctions an act of war for North Korea's reinstatement of
its nuclear program.

2017  smiled.

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What is my IP number  

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, January 22

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mother Beat Up Child’s Assistant Principal
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 22 in
1666 Shah Jahan, a descendant of Genghis Khan and Timur,
died at the age of 74. He was the Mongol emperor of India
that built the Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There are more fools in the world than there are people. --- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856) The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work. --- Richard Bach A sympathetic Scot summed it all up very neatly in the remark, "You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk dancing." --- Sir Arnold Bax "Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses." ---Lord Dewar ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "A curiosity-breeding little joker" is how Mark Twain described the typewriter. His Life on the Mississippi (1883) was the first book-length manuscript published that had been written on one of the new machines. It's rumored that a Twain's descendant wrote the first novel on a windows based computer. After losing a chapter when the machine crashed, she is said to have called the computer a #@*#@$ little *$%#@. ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question?" - Discuss!. After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The student received an "A" on the exam. That was the good old days. Nowadays "Discuss!" would be considered an order, and as such the proper reply for a philosophy major would be: "Do you want fries with that?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Carisa Rhoads, 37, Frackville, Pennsylvania Mother Beat Up Child’s Assistant Principal Police in Schuylkill County say a woman attacked her child's assistant principal. Carisa Rhoads, 37, of Frackville was allegedly arguing with Janel Hansbury, the assistant principal at North Schuylkill Elementary, at the Schuylkill County Courthouse on Monday morning. According to police, Hansbury was called by Children and Youth to testify at a hearing regarding Rhoads's child. Hansbury told officers Rhoads threw her to the ground, punched her, and kicked her in the parking lot. A Children and Youth worker told police Rhoads came into her office afterwards and admitted to beating up Hansbury in the parking lot. Rhoads was charged with aggravated assault, simple assault, harassment by physical contact, disorderly conduct, and retaliation against witness or victim. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Vivian Re: IP number Dear Webby, How can I tell what IP number I am using to get on-line? Thanks Vivian Dear Vivian Just go to That will instantly tell you, without any fuss, what your IP is. It will show something like this: You are visiting from IP Address: Have FUN! DearWebby
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little three-year-old Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quite. Very softly he started to cry until his father noticed him sobbing. "What's wrong, little Johnny?" asked his father. Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us bwought up in a good and regwitches home, but, but, but I don' wanna go to a witches home, I wanna stay with YOU and MOM!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Keeping Your Windshield Free of Snow and Ice Use an old set of car floor mats to cover your car's windshield in the evening and you won't have any ice to scrape in the morning. Carpet remnants also work.
Friday arrested Spock! :D
____________________________________________________ Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands. They are called "Dick Taters." Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work. They are called "Speck Taters." Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work. They are called "Commie Taters." Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet. They are called "Aggie Taters." There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help. They are called, "Hezzie Taters." Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not. They are called "Emma Taters." Then there are those who love and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others. They are called "SWEET TATERS." ___________________________________________________
Sneaker art
An engineering student, a physics student, and a mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this. The physics student went out, gathered a few friends, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, and a calculator. He had the friends time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk. The math student purchased a protractor, plumb line, tripod and measuring tape. She waited until the sun was going down, then used her equipment to measure the length of the shadow, and find the angle the building's roof made from the ground. Then she used trigonometry to figure out the height of the building. Of course, with all that was involved in getting this experiment done, they were up plenty late studying for exams in other courses. These two students bumped into the engineering student the next day, who looked quite refreshed. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied, "Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy hour!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 22

1666 Shah Jahan, a descendant of Genghis Khan and Timur,
died at the age of 74. He was the Mongol emperor of India
that built the Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife

1771 The Falkland Islands were ceded to Britain by Spain. 

1824 The Asante army crushed British troops in the Gold

1874 A patent was issued to Samuel W. Francis for the

1879 British troops were massacred by the Zulus at

1889 The Columbia Phonograph Company was formed in
Washington, DC. 

1895 The National Association of Manufacturers was
organized in Cincinnati, OH. 

1900 Off of South Africa, the British released the German
steamer Herzog, which had been seized on January 6. 

1901 Queen Victoria of England died after reigning for
nearly 64 years. Edward VII, her son, succeeded her. 

1903 The Hay-Herrán Treaty was signed by United States
Secretary of State John M. Hay and Colombian Chargé Dr.
Tomás Herrán. The treaty granted the United States rights
to the land proposed for the Panama Canal. 

1905 Insurgent workers were fired on in St Petersburg,
Russia, resulting in "Bloody Sunday." 500 people were

1917 U.S. President Wilson pleaded for an end to war in
Europe, calling for "peace without victory." America
entered the war the following April. 

1930 In New York, excavation began for the Empire State

1941 Britain captured Tobruk from German forces. 

1944 Allied forces began landing at Anzio, Italy, during
World War II. 

1951 Fidel Castro was ejected from a Winter League
baseball game after hitting a batter. He later gave up
baseball for politics. 

1957 Suspected "Mad Bomber" was arrested in Waterbury, CT.
George P. Metesky was accused of planting more than 30
explosive devices in the New York City area. 

1957 The Israeli army withdrew from the Sinai. They had
invaded Egypt on October 29, 1956. 

1962 Cuba's membership in the Organization of American
States (OAS) was suspended. 

1970 The first regularly scheduled commercial flight of
the Boeing 747 began in New York City and ended in London
about 6 1/2 hours later. 

1972 The United Kingdom, the Irish Republic, and Denmark
joined the EEC. 

1973 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down state laws that
had been restricting abortions during the first six months
of pregnancy. The case (Roe vs. Wade) legalized abortion. 

1984 Apple introduced the Macintosh during the third
quarter of Super Bowl XVIII. 

1987 Phil Donahue became the first talk show host to tape
a show from inside the Soviet Union. The shows were shown
later in the year. 

1992 Rebel soldiers seized the national radio station in
Kinshasa, Zaire's capital, and broadcast a demand for the
government's resignation. 

1995 Two Palestinian suicide bombers from the Gaza Strip
detonated powerful explosives at a military transit point
in central Israel, killing 19 Israelis. 

1998 Theodore Kaczynski pled guilty to federal charges for
his role as the Unabomber. He agreed to life in prison
without parole. 

2000 Elian Gonzalez's grandmothers met privately with U.S.
Attorney General Janet Reno as they appealed for help in
removing the boy from his Florida relatives and reuniting
him with his father in Cuba. 

2001 Former National Football League (NFL) player Rae
Carruth was sentenced to a minimum 18 years and 11 months
in prison for his role in the 1999 shooting death of his
pregnant girlfriend, Cherica Adams. Adams died a month
later from her wounds. The baby survived and lives with
the victim's mother. 

2001 Acting on a tip, authorities captured four of the
"Texas 7" in Woodland Park, CO, at a convenience store. A
fifth convict killed himself inside a motor home. 

2002 In Calcutta, India, Heavily armed gunmen attacked the
U.S. government cultural center. Five police officers were
killed and twenty others, including one pedestrian and one
private security guard, were wounded. 

2002 Lawyers suing Enron Corp. asked a court to prevent
further shredding of documents due to the pending federal

2002 announced that it had posted its first net
profit in the fourth quarter (quarter ending December 31,

2002 AOL Time Warner filed suit against Microsoft in
federal court seeking damages for harm done to AOL's
Netscape Internet Browser when Microsoft began giving away
its competing browser. 

2002 Kmart Corp. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy making it
the largest retailer in history to seek legal protection
from its creditors. 

2003 It was reported that scientists in China had found
fossilized remains of a dinosaur with four feathered

2017  smiled.

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Should you dump McAfee? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, January 21

Thank you, Norm!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Michigan drunk arrested 14th time for drunk driving
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 21 in
1793 During the French Revolution, King Louis XVI was
executed on the guillotine. He had been condemned for
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there. --- Scott Adams (1957 - ) Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke. --- Lynda Barry "Never put off till tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today." --- Douglas Ottati ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Beachbum for this one: One day a child at my four-year-old's preschool class told her classmates that she needed a 'damp towel.' Some of the other kids thought she said a naughty word and told on her. The teacher stepped in to explain, "If your mommy asked you to bring her a damp towel, what does she want?" A little girl blurted out, "She means she wants that towel right @#$% NOW!" ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. "Oh, we returned the piano." said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead." "How come?" I asked. "Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: From my son Mikel at Hillsboro Beach FL ( Town just north of Ft Lauderdale). ~~ Lillemor ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Zenon Bialokur, 54, Macomb County, Michigan Michigan drunk arrested 14th time for drunk driving A Michigan man whose rap sheet includes 13 convictions for drunk driving has again been arrested for operating a vehicle while intoxicated. Zenon Bialokur, 54, was nabbed Friday after a sheriff’s deputy pulled him over for running a traffic signal. “Upon talking to the driver, the deputy determined that he was intoxicated,” police report. A subsequent records check revealed Bialokur’s 13 drunk driving convictions, which date back to 1998. Additionally, Bialokur’s record includes ten convictions for driving with a suspended license and 12 “current suspensions of his driving privilege.” Bialokur was charged with felony drunk driving, driving without a license, and possessing “open intoxicants” in a motor vehicle. At Bialokur’s arraignment yesterday, a judge set his bond at $50,000. Bialokur is locked up in the Macomb County jail. His car, a 1998 Pontiac Grand Prix, has been impounded by police. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Should McAfee be dumped? Dear Webby, Dear Webby. In regard to your comments below. I'm currently running (based upon your advice over the years) McAfee Pro and Malwarebytes. Malware as you know came out with an update on January 17th. I installed the update on my W7 system. Both of these are currently running on my PC. Should I un install the McAfee? I have about 160 days remaining on current subscription. How does the average individual know what is the best protection? You have been an invaluable source of knowledge in the past. What about the future? Thank you for educating those of us that have been subscribers for many years. Frank PS...Ark City barely escaped the hugh ice storm over the weekend because our temps hovered at 33° F for two days. We remember the storm in 2002 that left us without power for 7-10 days. Dear Frank Yes, at one time you needed both, but Malwarebytes has been improved sufficiently, so that you don't need both programs anymore. When neither I nor the chat techs of Mcafee could get it to work on my W7-Pro, they suggested to just put MalwareBytes on, that it was all I needed. Well, I was going to do that anyway, right after setting up McAfee. So I dumped the not working McAfee and installed Malwarebytes. No more problems. You don't have to dump McAfee as long as it works and doesn't cause problems. Just make sure it is not on Auto- Renew. I remember that 2002 ice storm that broke trees and bushes and power lines in Ark City. I got there just after that. Have FUN! DearWebby
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was re- sponsible for returning equipment to the proper owners before the start of the next season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. "Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your anesthesiologist."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Chicken Bacon Surprise By sharon6345 [34 Posts, 90 Comments] I was low on everything and figured what the heck. Well, bacon surprise came out fantastic. The seasoning and flavors married together well. Total Time: 1 hour Yield: 4 Source: myself Ingredients: 1 can cream of chicken soup 1 cup water 1 lb chicken, any kind you like. I used chicken breast. 1 onion, chopped 1/4 lb bacon, cut 1 pinch seasoning salt 1 pinch other spices you choose 2 cups cooked rice Steps: In your pot add a can of creamed chicken soup. Add a can of water and rinse the can too. Chop onion and cut up some bacon. Season your pot with your favorite seasoning salt. Add onion and bacon to the pot. In separate pan prepare rice according to directions. Let it all cook till the chicken falls a part. Eat and be happy.
The cute new teacher :D
____________________________________________________ Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby sitter when 6-year-old Kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you sit over there in Mommy's chair!" ____________________________________________________
If you like fog.....enjoy.
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 21

1793 During the French Revolution, King Louis XVI was
executed on the guillotine. He had been condemned for

1812 The Y-bridge in Zanesville, OH, was approved for

1853 Dr. Russell L. Hawes patented the envelope folding

1861 The future president of the Confederacy, Jefferson
Davis of Mississippi, resigned from the U.S. Senate. Four
other Southerners also resigned. 

1865 An oil well was drilled by torpedoes for the first

1900 Canadian troops set sail to fight in South Africa.
The Boers had attacked Ladysmith on January 8, 1900. 

1911 The first Monte Carlo car rally was held. Seven days
later it was won by Henri Rougier. 

1915 The first Kiwanis club was formed in Detroit, MI. 

1924 Soviet leader Vladimir Ilyich Lenin died. Joseph
Stalin began a purge of his rivals for the leadership of
the Soviet Union. 

1927 The first opera broadcast over a national radio
network was presented in Chicago, IL. The opera was

1954 The Nautilus was launched in Groton, CT. It was the
first atomic-powered submarine. U.S. First Lady Mamie
Eisenhower broke the traditional bottle of champagne
across the bow. 

1954 The gas turbine automobile was introduced in New York

1970 The Boeing 747 made its first commercial flight from
New York to London for Pan American. 

1970 ABC-TV presented "The Johnny Cash Show" in prime

1976 The French Concorde SST aircraft began regular
commercial service for Air France and British Airways. 

1977 U.S. President Carter pardoned almost all Vietnam War
draft evaders. 

1980 Gold was valued at $850 an ounce. 

1986 Former major-league player, Randy Bass, became the
highest-paid baseball player in Japanese history. Bass
signed a three-year contract for $3.25 million. He played
for the Hanshin Tigers. 

1994 A jury in Manassas, VA, acquitted Lorena Bobbitt by
reason of temporary insanity of maliciously wounding
(severing his penis) her husband John. She accused him of
sexually assaulting her. 

1997 Newt Gingrich was fined as the U.S. House of
Representatvies voted for first time in history to
discipline its leader for ethical misconduct. 

1998 A former White House intern said on tape that she had
an affair with U.S. President Clinton. 

1999 The U.S. Coast Guard intercepted a ship headed for
Houston, TX, that had over 9,500 pounds of cocaine aboard.
It was one of the largest drug busts in U.S. history. 

2002 In Goma, Congo, about fifty people were killed when
lava flow ignited a gas station. The people killed were
trying to steal fuel from elevated tanks. The eruption of
Mount Nyiragongo began on January 17, 2002. 

2002 In London, a 17th century book by Capt. John Smith,
founder of the English settlement at Jamestown, was sold
at auction for $48,800. "The General History of Virginia,
New England and the Summer Isles" was published in 1632. 

2003 It was announced by the U.S. Census Bureau that
estimates showed that the Hispanic population had passed
the black population for the first time.

2017  smiled.

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Do you need BOTH Malwarebytes AND McAfee? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 20
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
South Dallas woman arrested after she ran down man 
after domestic dispute
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 20 in
1265 The first English parliament met in Westminster 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. --- Alfred A. Knopf On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time. --- George Orwell (1903 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to J.Falk for this story: "Dear Lord", the pastor began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you we are but dust. . " He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, what is 'butt dust' ?" ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Mary was married to Charlie, a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. "That," he declared, "is woman's work!" One evening, Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charlie had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework, in addition to holding down a full-time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. Mary said, "Charlie even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed my evening." "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn't work out," Mary said. "Charlie was too tired." ______________________________________________________ Rhodesia Falls ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lakinta Cosby, 39, Dallas, Texas South Dallas woman arrested after she ran down man after domestic dispute On Saturday afternoon, a white SUV plowed into Sherron Berry, 36, on a Martin Luther King Boulevard sidewalk in South Dallas. Police arriving on the scene a little after 12:30 p.m. quickly discovered from witnesses that the deadly collision was no accident, as video from the scene would make clear. The white SUV pauses in the middle lane as Berry begins walking in the opposite direction. The SUV flips a U-turn and begins following Berry slowly. As Berry walks down the sidewalk, the SUV appears to speed up, before running onto the sidewalk. Berry runs, the SUV close on his heels. The collision itself is obscured by a building. Cosby had driven up and down the street several times until she saw Berry, police said. She dragged him under her car for about a city block, according to an arrest warrant affidavit. Earlier Saturday, Cosby and Berry were involved in a domestic altercation at a home on Pennsylvania Avenue, police said. DPD put out a request for information on its blog Saturday afternoon. By Saturday night, they received the tip they needed. The car that hit Berry was parked outside 2109 Prichard Street. Officers drove to Prichard Lane late Saturday after receiving a tip that the SUV seen in the video was there. Cosby arrived in a blue BMW. She stepped out, held up her hands and confessed. Eventually, Lakinta Cosby arrived at the house. DPD gang unit officers arrested her. Later, according to DPD, she confessed that she ran Berry over after a domestic dispute. She has been charged with murder. Cosby, currently in Dallas County Jail on $100,000 bond, has a long, if nonviolent history with DPD. According to county records, she has previously been convicted of giving a cop a fake ID, driving without a license, theft and prostitution. Just BL&M ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Miriam Re: Malwarebytes AND Mcafee? Dear Webby, Dear Webby. Do you recommend both McAfee and Malewarebytes for Windows 7? Miriam Dear Miriam All you need is Malwarebytes. Save your money. And time too. McAfee slows things down and can be a real nuisance. Have FUN! DearWebby
Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks, was shock proof to 60 G, could be driven over and even dropped from a plane. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill will ruin the keyboard !"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Individual Chocolate Cakes By Becky Miles [100 Posts, 158 Comments] This is taken from Nigella Lawson's recipe for Chocohotopots. (I made a few changes). They are delicious and quick to whip up. My picky kids can't wait for these to come out of the oven. Definitely a keeper! Total Time: 10 minutes to make, 20-25 minutes to cook Yield: 4 cakes Source: Nigella Lawson's Chocohotopots Ingredients: 1 stick of butter (8 tablespoons) 4 oz semisweet chocolate, chopped (I just use half a cup of chocolate chips) 2 eggs 3/4 cup sugar 3 Tbsp flour 1 tsp vanilla 1 tsp salt 1/2 tsp of instant coffee dissolved in 1 teaspoon of hot water Steps: Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Butter 4 ramekins with an extra tablespoon of butter. Melt chocolate and butter. Cool a little (a few minutes). In separate bowl, combine eggs, sugar, flour, vanilla, salt, and dissolved coffee. Add chocolate mixture to the bowl. Stir til combined. Pour into ramekins. The original recipe says to bake for 20 minutes. But, it's a little too gooey and under-cooked to serve to my kids. I bake them for 25-28 minutes, til there's no jiggle and the cakes are more set. When the cakes come out, you can add some chocolate to the middle or if you like to live dangerously, a spoonful of Nutella. Ice cream is really good on it, too. Seems like an awful lot of work compared to "Chocolate Cake in a cup". You can put all the ingredients for "Chocolate Cake in a cup" into ziplock baggies, while you are watching and waiting for something, and have a shoebox full of magic ready and waiting for whenever you need one minute cakes. Kids really oooh and aaah when they see the cake rise out of the cup, and then settle back down. That is pure MAGIC! There are lots of cake in a cup recipes on the net. Mine is glued to the inside of a cabinet door in the kitchen. Have FUN! DearWebby
I Remember You
____________________________________________________ Another excuse for a student's being late for school: Arnie came into the office looking somewhat tired and bedraggled, but anxious to explain his nearly one hour tardiness. "Our chickens have been disappearing." He said. "And Pa made up his mind to put a stop to it. But nothing happened for several nights. Then last night about 3 o'clock, Pa got me and Ol' Blue, our dog, and his shot gun, all cocked and loaded, to go out with him to the chicken house to see what was going on." He went on. "Well, Pa sleeps in his birthday suit, and as he bent over to go into the chicken house, Ol' Blue cold-nosed Pa where he didn't expect it. Both barrels went off. Ever since then we've been up a-cleanin' and a-pluckin' more than 50 chickens. I missed the bus and had to walk 3 miles to school." ____________________________________________________
Wonder what it would do if Mannheim Steamroller & Trans-Siberian Orchestra music was played.
A grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt. He said, "I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one." The grandson asked him, "Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?" The grandfather answered, "The one I feed."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 20
1265 The first English parliament met in Westminster

1839 Chile defeated a confederation of Peru and Bolivia
in the Battle of Yungay. 

1841 The island of Hong Kong was ceded to Great Britain.
It returned to Chinese control in July 1997. 

1885 The roller coaster was patented by L.A. Thompson. 

1886 The Mersey Railway Tunnel was officially opened by
the Prince of Wales. 

1887 The U.S. Senate approved an agreement to lease Pearl
Harbor in Hawaii as a naval base. 

1891 James Hogg took office as the first native-born
governor of Texas. 

1929 The movie "In Old Arizona" was released. The film
was the first full-length talking film to be filmed

1942 Nazi officials held the Wannsee conference, during
which they arrived at their "final solution" that called
for exterminating Europe's Jews. 

1944 The British RAF dropped 2,300 tons of bombs on

1952 In Juarez, Mexico, Patricia McCormick debuted as the
first professional woman bullfighter from the United

1953 "Studio One" became the first television show to be
transmitted from the United States to Canada. 

1954 The National Negro Network was formed on this date.
Forty radio stations were charter members of the network.

1972 The number of unemployed in Britain exceeded 1

1981 Iran released 52 Americans that had been held
hostage for 444 days. The hostages were flown to Algeria
and then to a U.S. base in Wiesbaden, West Germany. The
release occurred minutes after the U.S. presidency had
passed from Jimmy Carter to Ronald Reagan. They did not
want to mess with Reagan.

1985 The most-watched Super Bowl game in history was seen
by an estimated 115.9 million people. The San Francisco
49ers defeated the Miami Dolphins, 38-16. Super Bowl XIX
marked the first time that TV commercials sold for a
million dollars a minute. 

1986 Britain and France announced their plans to build
the Channel Tunnel. 

1986 New footage of the 1931 "Frankenstein" was found.
The footage was originally deleted because it was
considered to be too shocking. 

1987 Anglican Church envoy Terry Waite was kidnapped in
Beirut, Lebanon. He was there attempting to negotiate the
release of Western hostages. He was not freed until
November 1991. 

1994 Shannon Faulkner became the first woman to attend
classes at The Citadel in South Carolina. Faulkner joined
the cadet corps in August 1995 under court order but soon
dropped out. 

1996 Yasser Arafat was elected president of the
Palestinian Authority and his supporters won two thirds
of the 80 seats in the Legislative Council. 

1998 American researchers announced that they had cloned
calves that may produce medicinal milk. 

1998 In Chile, a judge agreed to hear a lawsuit that
accused Chile's former dictator Augusto Pinochet with

1999 The China News Service announced that the Chinese
government was tightening restrictions on internet use.
The rules were aimed at 'Internet Bars.' 

2000 Greece and Turkey signed five accords aimed to build
confidence between the two nations.

2017  smiled.

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Text edtor 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 19

Thank you, Attila

My car, a 1991 Chrysler LeBaron, did not start today.
I worked on it for hours, and a friend will try tomorrow.
It has been a good car for a long time, but sure has me
worried now.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wife Of U.S. Marshal charged with Diabolical 
Rape Frame-Up Of his Ex-Lover
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 19 in
1825 Ezra Daggett and Thomas Kensett of New York City
patented a canning process to preserve salmon, oysters
and lobsters. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Nothing is more characteristic of a man than the manner in which he behaves toward fools. --- Henri-Frédéric Amiel Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive lounge. He took her to his lavish apartment where he soon discovered she was not a tramp, but was well groomed and apparently very intelligent. Hoping to impress her, he began showing her his collection of expensive paintings, first editions by famous authors and offered her a glass of wine. He asked whether she preferred Port or Sherry and she said, "Oh, Sherry by all means. To me, it's the nectar of the gods. Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation. When the stopper is removed and the gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my whole being begins to glow. The sound of a thousand violins being softly played fills my ears and I'm transported into another world. "Port, however, just makes me fart." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on the nightstand in my bedroom." When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?" "What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?" "I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was." ______________________________________________________ Too Late! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Angela Maria Diaz, 31, Annaheim, California Wife Of U.S. Marshal charged with Diabolical Rape Frame-Up Of his Ex-Lover The wife of a U.S. marshal has been charged with kidnapping and falsely reporting a crime in a bizarre rape-fantasy frame-up of her husband’s former girlfriend, Southern California officials revealed Monday. Investigators say Angela Maria Diaz, 31, who then lived in Anaheim, posed as the victim of a fabricated Craigslist rape fantasy ad in a bid to land rival Michelle Suzanne Hadley, 30, in prison. Diaz married a U.S. marshal, referred to as John Doe in court documents, a year ago. Hadley was his girlfriend from 2013 to 2015. Diaz tried to make it appear that Hadley, of nearby Ontario, had placed the fake ad last June to entice men to rape Diaz, according to investigators. The ad said Diaz wanted to indulge in her rape fantasies and supplied photos of Diaz and information about her routines. The ad encouraged men to have forcible sex with Diaz, "even if she screamed or resisted". Diaz reported to police that men had appeared at her home intending to rape her and that one had attacked her but fled before police arrived. In an apparent effort to bolster her false claims, Diaz showed police her torn shirt and redness on her neck and breast, the DA’s office said. Diaz had reported to Anaheim police earlier that Hadley sent several threatening emails — and obtained a restraining order against Hadley — but investigators said Diaz had sent the threats to herself. Orange County District Attorney Tony Rackauckas called it a "diabolical scheme." Investigators initially believed Hadley was responsible for the false ad and for the danger to Diaz, and Hadley was charged with 10 felonies, including stalking and attempted forcible rape. If convicted, she faced up to life in prison, noted KTLA-TV in Los Angeles. She was held in lieu of $1 million bail from July to October, until her attorney, Michael Guisti, helped uncover information that authorities said exonerated her. As important as the filing of charges against Ms. Diaz, is the dismissal of the previous complaint and full exoneration of Michelle Hadley, Rackauckas said in a statement. Ms. Hadley is cleared in every possible way in the courtroom and in the court of public opinion. It should be clear in the media and in cyberspace. Ms. Hadley is an innocent victim of a diabolical scheme. Guisti told the Los Angeles Times that Hadley was a wide- eyed, very bubbly young woman with a lust for life whose family had to borrow money for her defense. To have her so thoroughly exonerated by the district attorney is a huge relief to her. Diaz was arrested Jan. 6 in Phoenix and was charged with two felony counts each of kidnapping (linked to false reports that landed Hadley in jail) and false imprisonment by menace, fraud or deceit, one felony count of perjury, one felony count of grand theft and two felony counts of forgery, among a number of other charges, according to the Orange County district attorney’s office. She also is accused of faking cervical cancer and a pregnancy, pretending to be an attorney and forging doctor’s notes during the alleged scheme. Diaz is awaiting extradition to Orange County. All charges were dropped against Hadley on Monday. This has been a huge nightmare for me, she told reporters as she left the courthouse. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Text editor Dear Webby, Is there a simple text editor that doesn't have the problems that NotePad and WordPad have ? (messing up file name extensions, putting formatting info into the text, failing on long files, unpredictable searches, etc.) Preferably one that does not break the bank. Frank Dear Frank A very basic one is NoteMaid. You can download it free from If you want one that uses tabs for different files, and even split screen for easy copying from one file to another, there is NoteTab from They have a free version, and a paid version, which won't break the bank. Try the free version first. The paid version might be a bit overwhelming with all the included tools. It does everything you need for writing a series of books or a university thesis, but if you simply ignore all the tools, it is a very powerful text editor. I have been using it for about 9 years for the Humor Letter. Have FUN! DearWebby
An auto mechanic received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a 'clunk.' He then made a left turn and again heard a 'clunk.' Back at the shop he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. He returned the repair order to the service manager with the notation, "Removed dead pumpkin from trunk".
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Recycling Political Campaign Signs My biggest pet peeve around here is that after the election our city is littered with election signs and issue signs that no one ever gets around to picking up. So here is my solution. Everyone out there in Thrifty tip land probably has had a yard sale or two so here is my deal, grab up those signs and recycle them for your next yard sale. The ones that are just a plastic sleeve over a wire base can be reused by sliding off the plastic sleeve. Cut down a white kitchen trash bag and sizing it down to fit on the white frame snugly. Use big stick on letters to tell about your next sale. The ones that are rigid foam board can be spray painted to cover campaign slogans and your info stenciled on instead. Recycling at its best I say. By Debra in CO
Scary Road!
____________________________________________________ A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained, "my wife's expecting." "Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck." The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting." The Officer looked surprised. "Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the week-end off." When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed. "Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She's still expecting." "What in heaven is she expecting?" yelled the Officer. "Me." said the soldier simply. ____________________________________________________
This guy's talent is humongus!
There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist. A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat." She said, "Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old. This hat is brand new!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 19
1419 Rouen surrendered to Henry V, completing his
conquest of Normandy. 

1793 King Louis XVI was tried by the French Convention,
found guilty of treason and sentenced to the guillotine. 

1825 Ezra Daggett and Thomas Kensett of New York City
patented a canning process to preserve salmon, oysters
and lobsters. 

1883 Thomas Edison's first village electric lighting
system using overhead wires began operation in Roselle,

1915 George Claude, of Paris, France, patented the neon
discharge tube for use in advertising signs. 

1915 More than 20 people were killed when German
zeppelins bombed England for the first time. The bombs
were dropped on Great Yarmouth and King's Lynn. 

1937 Howard Hughes set a transcontinental air record. He
flew from Los Angeles to New York City in 7 hours, 28
minutes and 25 seconds. 

1942 The Japanese invaded Burma (later Myanmar). 

1944 The U.S. federal government relinquished control of
the nation's railroads after the settlement of a wage

1949 The salary of the President of the United States was
increased from $75,000 to $100,000 with an additional
$50,000 expense allowance for each year in office. 

1969 In protest against the Russian invasion of 1968,
Czech student Jan Palach set himself on fire in Prague's
Wenceslas Square. 

1971 At the Charles Manson murder trial, the Beatles'
"Helter Skelter" was played. At the scene of one of his
gruesome murders, the words "helter skelter" were written
on a mirror. 

1977 U.S. President Ford pardoned Iva Toguri D'Aquino
(the "Tokyo Rose"). 

1981 The U.S. and Iran signed an agreement paving the way
for the release of 52 Americans held hostage for more
than 14 months and for arrangements to unfreeze Iranian
assets and to resolve all claims against Iran. 

1983 China announced that it was bannning 1983 purchases
of cotton, soybeans and chemical fibers from the United

1993 IBM announced a loss of $4.97 billion for 1992. It
was the largest single-year loss in U.S. corporate

1995 Russian forces overwhelmed the resistance forces in

1996 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was
subpoenaed to appear before a federal grand jury. The
investigation was concerning the discovery of billing
records related to the Whitewater real estate investment

1997 Yasser Arafat returned to Hebron for the first time
in more than 30 years. He joined 60,000 Palestinians in
celebration over the handover of the last West Bank city
in Israeli control. 

2001 Texas officials demoted a warden and suspended three
other prison workers in the wake of the escape of the
"Texas 7." 

2006 NASA's New Horizons spacecraft was launched. The
mission was the first to investigate Pluto. 

2013 In Scottsdale, AZ, the original Batmobile for the TV
series "Batman" sold at auction for $4.6 million. It was
the first of six Batmobiles produced for the show. 

2016  smiled.

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Is W7 really no longer secure? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 18

Pioneer Cabin Tree, the giant Sequoiatree with a tunnel
through it, has fallen.

The tree was probably about 3000 years old and still
showed signs of life, but powerful storms in the area
caused flooding that it could not withstand. The ground
got too soft for it's weight, including the huge amount
of water it had soaked up, it toppled over and shattered.

The tunnel through it had been carved in the 1800s.

I am glad I took my dad to see those giant sequoias when
he could still hike in rough terrain.

Here he is standing beside "General Sherman", which at
the time in 2002 was 275 feet tall and had a diameter of
36 feet at the base. 
Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man with mom's name tattooed on chest is 
arrested for battering her
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 18 in
1778 - English navigator Captain James Cook discovered
the Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963), Yep. It sure did for me too! ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One spring evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said, "I have to sleep with daddy." A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" "Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," replied the boy's father. His friend thought for a moment and responded, "That's a rather strange ambition to have for a career." "Well," said the boy's father, "he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!" ______________________________________________________ What ball? From Baba ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Thomas Pinson, 21, St. Petersburg, Florida Florida man with mom's name tattooed on chest is arrested for battering her A Florida man who has his mother’s full name tattooed on his chest was arrested early Saturday for shoving the woman to the ground during a confrontation in their residence, cops report. Investigators allege that Thomas Pinson, 21, battered his mother Carmon, 47, around 3:45 AM Saturday. Pinson, police say, “grabbed his mother with two hands and shoved her backwards into a kitchen chair.” She then fell to ground “and hit her head as a result of being shoved,” a criminal complaint charges. Pinson, who fled his family’s St. Petersburg home before police arrived, was subsequently apprehended and charged with domestic battery, a misdemeanor. Pinson was released yesterday afternoon on his own recognizance from the Pinellas County jail. According to police and jail records, Pinson (seen above) has “Carmon Pinson” inked on his chest. Next to that tribute is a tattoo of a rose. Pinson’s rap sheet includes collars for marijuana possession, attempted robbery with a firearm, and grand theft auto. But he has only been convicted of the pot charge. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Is W7 not secure? Dear Webby, Today, I read concerns about W 7 being so outdated that patches can't keep it secure. These articles come from Kim Komando and ZD Net. What is your take on this? Thanks Bill Dear Bill Consider the source. Kim Kommando is a cute Microsoft shill, and ZD net makes Millions on ads for Microsoft and for new computers. Kim Kommando used to read exactly the same bullshit about XP. Same shit, different names. Many subscribers STILL use XP without a problem! Neither XP nor VISTA nor W7 nor W8 nor W10 are secure, no matter how many patches and bug fixes you put on them. You still need Malwarebytes to make them secure. If you want to paw your monitor like the kids pawing their phones while chasing a pokemon and running into telephone poles, then get W10. If that is not a priority, keep your money in your pocket and stick with W7. Many of it's bugs have been patched and it is running relatively smoothly these days. Have FUN! DearWebby
>Thanks to Dave for this one: A man walked into the Women's Department of Macy's in New York City. He tells the saleslady, "I would like a Jewish bra for my wife, size 34B." With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, "What kind of bra?" He repeated "A Jewish Bra - She said to tell you that she wanted a Jewish Bra, and that you would know what she wanted." "Ah, now I remember," said the saleslady. "We don't get as many requests for them as we used to. Mostly our customers lately want the Catholic bra, or the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian type." Confused, and a little flustered, the man asked "Oy, what differences they are ?" The saleslady responded. "It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army lifts up the fallen, and the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright." He mused on that information for a minute, and asked "So, what is the Jewish type for?" "They," she replied, "make mountains out of molehills." -------------------------- And then there is the "Job Interview Bra".
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Homemade Sloppy Joes By lalala... [795 Posts, 103 Comments] I love it when my best friend comes over to make sloppy joes. I like the kind that uses tomato paste and a seasoning packet, but I love hers! :) Total Time: 30 minutes Yield: 8 sloppy joes Ingredients: 1 lb ground turkey 1 lb ground beef 1 1/2 cup ketchup 1 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce 1 1/2 tsp dry mustard 1/4 cup brown sugar 1 tsp garlic powder Steps: Brown meat in a skillet and drain off any liquid. Add ketchup, stir to combine. Then add Worcestershire sauce and brown sugar. Mix well. Stir in the garlic powder, adjust amount to taste. Allow to simmer on LOW for 5 minutes. Serve hot a hamburger bun. Best Sloppy Joe I ever had was at an "Original Tommy's" in Henderson, Nevada. Friends in California kept raving about Original Tommys, so I looked for one near my route. My friend Ann told me about one in Henderson, Nevada. It was the only one outside California at that time. My friends warned me to DEFINITELY NOT try to eat it in the car. OK, OK. So my dad and I went inside, ordered, and sat down by the window, that overlooked the drive- through lane. They brought our burgers, snugly wrapped in alu foil, with a stack of napkins and a box of fries. Stack of napkins? Yep. And a spoon. When I undid the foil, the burger exploded. On top of the patty was a big scoop of Sloppy Joe. I could hear snickering from behind the counter. One bite, and Sloppy Joe was squishing out on all sides. More snickering from behind the counter. Then I happened to glance out the window. A fancily dressed up lady in a silver Camaro with white fur upholstery just received a burger like the ones we got. Everything got deathly quiet in the restaurant as everybody held their breath. I was tempted to scream that she should NOT open it in the car. She did, holding it close to her face. When her Original Tommy exploded, and the hot Sloppy Joe ran down her chins and into her cleavage and down her dress, there was considerably more than just snickering from behind the counter and from all the diners. One lady positively howled. She must have tried it in the car at one time. Quite aside from the side show, they definitely had the best Sloppy Joe I had ever tasted. Have FUN! DerWebby
How does Big Ben keep Accurate time?
____________________________________________________ "Jane," a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, "do you mind telling me whose class you're cutting this time?" "Like," the young teen replied, "uh, see, okay, like it's like I really don't like think like that's really important, y'know, like because like, I'm y'know, like I don't get anything out of it." "Oh, English class." replied the smiling teacher. ____________________________________________________
Scar covering tattoos and the stories behind them.
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball. Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys. "Very well," said the gatekeeper of Heaven. "But you realize, I hope, that we've got all the good players and the best coaches." "I know, and that's all right," Satan answered. "We've got all the umpires."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 18

1778 - English navigator Captain James Cook discovered
the Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich

1788 - The first English settlers arrived in Australia's
Botany Bay to establish a penal colony. The group moved
north eight days later and settled at Port Jackson. 

1871 - Wilhelm, King of Prussia from 1861, was proclaimed
the first German Emperor. 

1886 - The Hockey Association was formed in England. This
date is the birthday of modern field hockey. 

1896 - The x-ray machine was exhibited for the first

1911 - For the first time an aircraft landed on a ship.
Pilot Eugene B. Ely flew onto the deck of the USS
Pennsylvania in San Francisco harbor. 

1919 - The World War I Peace Congress opened in
Versailles, France. 

1939 - Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded
"Jeepers Creepers." 

1943 - During World War II, the Soviets announced that
they had broken the Nazi siege of Leningrad, which had
began in September of 1941. 

1943 - U.S. commercial bakers stopped selling sliced
bread. Only whole loaves were sold during the ban until
the end of World War II.

1950 - The federal tax on oleomargarine was repealed. 

1957 - The first, non-stop, around-the-world, jet flight
came to an end at Riverside, CA. The plane was refueled
in mid-flight by huge aerial tankers. 

1964 - The plans for the original World Trade Center in
New York were unveiled to the public. 

1967 - Albert DeSalvo, who claimed to be the "Boston
Strangler," was convicted in Cambridge, MA, of armed
robbery, assault and sex offenses. He was sentenced to
life in prison. Desalvo was killed in 1973 by a fellow

1972 - Former Rhodesian prime minister Garfield Todd and
his daughter were placed under house arrest for
campaigning against Rhodesian independence. 

1978 - The European Court of Human Rights cleared the
British government of torture but found it guilty of
inhuman and degrading treatment of prisoners in Northern

1990 - A jury in Los Angeles, CA, acquitted former
preschool operators Raymond Buckey and his mother, Peggy
McMartin Buckey, of 52 child molestation charges. 

1990 - In an FBI sting, Washington, DC, Mayor Marion
Barry was arrested for drug possession. He was later
convicted of a misdemeanor. 

1995 - The "" domain was created. 

1995 - A network of caves were discovered near the town
of Vallon-Pont-d'Arc in southern France. The caves
contained paintings and engravings that were 17,000 to
20,000 years old. 

1997 - Hutu militiamen killed three Spanish aid workers
and three soldiers and seriously wound an American in a
night attack in NW Rwanda. 

2000 - The Chinese web services company Baidu, Inc. was
incorporated in Beijing. 

2002 - The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA)
announced the approval of a saliva-based ovulation test. 

2012 - Wikipedia began a 24-hour "blackout" in protest
against proposed anti-piracy legislation (S. 968 and H.R.
3261) known as the Protect Intellectual Property Act
(PIPA) in the Senate and the Stop Online Piracy Act
(SOPA) in the House. Many websites, including Reddit,
Google, Facebook, Amazon and others, contended would make
it challenging if not impossible for them to operate. 

2016  smiled.

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Mailbox names and hot keys 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 17

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Pennsylvania woman busted for child porno
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 17 in
1893 The Kingdom of Hawaii's monarchy was overthrown when
a group of businessmen and sugar planters forced Queen
Liliuokalani to abdicate. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. --- Jackie Mason (1934 - ) Genius might be described as a supreme capacity for getting its possessors into trouble of all kinds. --- Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902) hmmm. I must be a genius! ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Here is an ancient classic: I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to me was empty, but not for long. A young mother boarded with her 4-year-old daughter and Mom sat down in the seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her lap. So here I am holding my roses, now with a little lady straining to see what I was holding. "What ya got, mifter?" she asked. (Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind her own business.) I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and says loudly, "Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?" (Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear telling her to sit down.) I said, "They are for my girlfriend". She replied with a loud voice, "WOW, pretty RED ones, and a lot of them, too! You muft have REALLY skwoowed up!" Needless to say, nearly everyone on the train was in stitches, except Mom who was now trying to crawl between the seats! ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to rob the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading: "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: "Can't trust anybody anymore!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kaitlin Plascjak, 28, Allegheny County, Pennsylvania Pennsylvania woman busted for child porno Kaitlin Plascjak made Allegheny County (Pa.) history, but not the kind that will endear her to her neighbors, or anyone else for that matter. According to the District Attorney, Plascjak, 28, became the first woman in 16 years in the county to be arrested on child pornography charges. She is facing the charges after authorities discovered more than 100 sexually explicit images and videos of infants, toddlers and teenagers stored in her cell phone, law enforcement said. The woman allegedly admitted to the crime, telling WPXI- TV that the videos served as a “coping mechanism,” because she was molested when she was younger. An FBI task force unit received a cyber-tip in August that led them to Plascjak’s mobile home, where she lived with her mother. “It blows me away, just blows me away,” neighbor Nancy Milligan told the TV station. The FBI found disturbing photos and videos of “infants being sexually assaulted” and of teens “exposing themselves” while searching her cell phone. Typically, child pornography is a crime committed by men. If convicted of child pornography, she could face a minimum of 15 to 30 years in prison under federal law. Police said Plascjak had more porn on her phone, but she said she deleted it before she underwent surgery so no one would find the graphic images if something had gone wrong with the operation. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helene Re: Mailbox shortcuts Dear Webby, I am using the old legacy Eudora, noit the yuppie version, and am quite happy with it. I like especially the fast way to sort mail into different mail boxes, just ALT R and the first letter of a mailbox name. However, I have run out of letters in the alphabet! I realize that if I hit E twice, it will go to th second one that starts with an E, but then I have to hit Enter to select that one. Yes, I know, I am a spoiled brat, but you probably have a trick to get 4 - 5 more out of it. Thanks Helene Dear Helene You can also use the numbers.from 0 to 9 as the first letter of a mailbox. The exclamation mark will bring a name to the very top, the tilde ~ as the first letter will bring it to the bottom. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dorothy for this story: My son was in the process of bineg potty trained. One summer day, he came in from outside, all wet. I asked, "Did you have an accident?". "Yes.", he replied. "Well," I asked, "what did you do, water the trees, the bushes,...?" "Oh, no," he replied. "I went in the garage." Shocked, I responded, "Well, you shouldn't do that. It will start to stink and draw flies; now I'll have to go out and hose down the garage." My son replied happily, " But Mom, it's OK, I didn't go in our garage, I went in Jane's garage!!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Grocery List Chalkboard I have a grocery list board on my kitchen cupboard. I don't always have a pen and paper handy when I think of something I need at the grocery store. So I decided to use chalkboard paint to create a surface that I will always have handy. I prepared the surface of the cupboard as directed on the can and painted the cupboard. I also framed it with a 11 x 14 inch wooden painted picture frame (nailed on with small brads) I hot glued a small strip of wood to the frame to hold the chalk. The picture frame is decorated with miniature roosters. Which is the theme of my kitchen. When it is time to do the shopping I just copy the list off the board. By Debbie Z If you don't like the chalk dust or a blackboard does not fit your decor, you can get 24" x 36" Wall Pops WPE0446 24-Inch by 36-Inch Peel and Stick Dry Erase Message Board from Aamzon for about $10. Since that is probably way too big for the kitchen, you can cut it in half and sell the other half to a friend. You simply clean a cupboard door with windex and stick the whiteboard on like contact paper. As long as the kids don't get hold of the dry-erase marker, one will last many years. By the way, forget about whiteboard paint. It is ridiculously expensive and requires an immaculately smooth surface. Not worth it when you can buy peel and stick so cheaply. Have FUN! DearWebby
pit stops 1950 vs 2013
____________________________________________________ A man tried to sell his neighbor a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he said. "And you can have him for five dollars." The neighbor said, "Who do you think you're kidding with this 'talking dog' stuff? There is no such animal." Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes and pleaded, "Please buy me, sir. This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times!" "Hey!" said the neighbor. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?" And the man said, "Because, I'm getting tired of all his lies." ____________________________________________________
I've had this battle when I have the sheet turned the wrong way.
"What were you before you came to school, boys and girls?" asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say 'babies'. She was disappointed when all the children cried out, "Happy!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 17

1377 The Papal See was transferred from Avignon in France
back to Rome. 

1562 French Protestants were recognized under the Edict
of St. Germain. 

1773 Captain Cook's Resolution became the first ship to
cross the Antarctic Circle. 

1852 The independence of the Transvaal Boers was
recognized by Britain. 

1871 Andrew S. Hallidie received a patent for a cable car

1882 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Crystal Palace
Exhibition in London. 

1893 The Kingdom of Hawaii's monarchy was overthrown when
a group of businessmen and sugar planters forced Queen
Liliuokalani to abdicate. 

1900 The U.S. took Wake Island where there was an
important cable link between Hawaii and Manila. 

1900 Yaqui Indians in Texas proclaimed their independence
from Mexico. 

1900 Mormon Brigham Roberts was denied a seat in the U.S.
House of Representatives for his practicing of polygamy.

1905 Punchboards were patented by a manufacturing firm in
Chicago, IL. 

1912 English explorer Robert Falcon Scott reached the
South Pole. Norwegian Roald Amundsen had beaten him there
by one month. Scott and his party died during the return

1913 All partner interests in 36 Golden Rule Stores were
consolidated and incorporated in Utah into one company.
The new corporation was the J.C. Penney Company. 

1928 The fully automatic film-developing machine was
patented by A.M. Josepho. 

1934 Ferdinand Porsche submitted a design for a people's
car, a "Volkswagen," to the new German Reich government. 

1945 Soviet and Polish forces liberated Warsaw during
World War II. 

1945 Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg disappeared in
Hungary while in Soviet custody. Wallenberg was credited
with saving tens of thousands of Jews. 

1946 The United Nations Security Council held its first

1959 Senegal and the French Sudan joined to form the
Federal State of Mali. 

1966 A B-52 carrying four H-bombs collided with a
refuelling tanker. The bombs were released and eight
crewmembers were killed. 

1977 Double murderer Gary Gilmore became the first to be
executed in the U.S. in a decade. The firing squad took
place at Utah State Prison. 

1991 Coalition airstrikes began against Iraq after
negotiations failed to get Iraq to retreat from the
country of Kuwait. 

1992 An IRA bomb, placed next to a remote country road in
County Tyrone, Northern Ireland, killed seven building
workers and injured seven others. 

1994 The Northridge earthquake rocked Los Angeles, CA,
registering a 6.7 on the Richter Scale. At least 61
people were killed and about $20 billion in damage was

1995 More than 6,000 people were killed when an
earthquake with a magnitude of 7.2 devastated the city of
Kobe, Japan. 

1997 A court in Ireland granted the first divorce in the
Roman Catholic country's history. 

1997 Israel gave over 80% of Hebron to Palestinian rule,
but held the remainder where several hundred Jewish
settlers lived among 20,000 Palestinians. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton gave his deposition in the
Paula Jones sexual harassment lawsuit against him. He was
the first U.S. President to testify as a defendant in a
criminal or civil lawsuit. 

2000 British pharmaceutical companies Glaxo Wellcome PLC
and SmithKline Beecham PLC agreed to a merger that
created the world's largest drugmaker. 

2001 Congo's President Laurent Kabila was shot and killed
during a coup attempt. Congolese officials temporarily
placed Kabila's son in charge of the government. 

2001 The director of Palestinian TV, Hisham Miki, was
killed at a restaurant when three masked gunmen walked up
to his table and shot him more than 10 times. 

2002 It was announced that Microsoft had signed a joint
venture agreement to produce software with two partners
in China. The two partners were Beijin Centergate
Technologies (Holding) Co. and the Stone Group.

2016  smiled.

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Spam concern 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 16

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Maid of honor turns Florida wedding into nightmare
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 16 in
1547 Ivan the Terrible was crowned Czar of Russia. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history. --- Dan Quayle (1947 - ) He who lives without folly isn't so wise as he thinks. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) A man is called selfish not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbor's. --- Richard Whately ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Roy One of my first evenings back from a business trip, my girl's understanding parents left us alone in the living room. Naturally, we did not talk all the time. In the midst of a kiss, I noticed her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the top of the stairway. I told her: "If you will be a good girl and go to bed, I will give you a quarter." Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but soon was back again. "Here is a dollar," she said. "I wanna watch." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ There was this bank where the employees went on strike leaving the bank officers to do the teller's tasks. While the strike was on, Jane called the bank, and asked if they were open. They told her they had two windows open upstairs in the office area. Then Jane asked, . . . "I'm afraid of heights, couldn't you just let me in though the back door?" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amanda Willis 35, Charlotte County, Florida Maid of honor turns Florida wedding into nightmare It was supposed to be the best day of their life. Instead, their maid of honor got arrested and is facing several charges from a wedding day gone wrong. The Charlotte County ceremony has been described as beautiful, but when the reception kicked off, guests said the maid of honor Amanda Willis hit the bottle hard — and almost hit the best man with his own car. The wedding pictures tell the story of a content couple, Brian and Jennifer Butler. They had their cake and first dance while Willis started drinking. “She was a mess. She drank almost a whole entire bottle of Fireball,” said guest Robert Templeton. “She was drunk within 20 minutes to half an hour,” said Jennifer Butler. Willis started asking people for their keys, according to those in attendance. “She just went up to the best man and grabbed his keys out of his pocket and jumped in his car,” said Templeton. Willis backed out and almost hit the best man — Brian’s brother, who grabbed on to the car, according to WBBH-TV. “She took off, and his feet were dragging across the ground. He had to hit the E-brake,” said Templeton. Guests wrestled Willis out of the car. “She went back inside. She grabbed up the big bottle of Captain Morgan and just guzzled it like this,” said Jennifer Butler. Then they say she got violent. “As soon as I turned around, she came up and cracked me upside of the face,” said Templeton. He said he swung back before he knew what was happening, and the deputies were called. “It was insane. Absolutely insane,” said Jena Templeton. Deputies said Willis claimed to be having an asthma attack and started shaking as if she were having a seizure. They took her to Bayfront Punta Gorda, where she exposed herself to deputies, assaulted two medics and kicked over her bed pan, according to the sheriff’s office. “She had her be her maid of honor, and it was a bad decision,” said Robert Templeton. While Willis was supposed to be the bride’s best friend, Jennifer Butler said the two are no longer friends. This arrest is Willis’ ninth in Charlotte County. She faces charges of larceny, battery, grand theft of a motor vehicle, and violation of probation. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: Spam concern Dear Webby, I am a recipe collector. I am a member of several different cooking and recipe ezines, much like yours. There are a great deal of recipe web sites as you know. Some do not ask for your email address, however I have run across a couple that look to be good sites but they ask me for my email address and a bit about me, but they are not offering a weekly mailing. Am I likely to get spyware from these type of sites. How about commercial recipe sites i.e. Kraft, Nabisco and so forth, do these companies waste time spamming and putting spyware on these sites? Perhaps this is a dumb question, but I have my machine cleaned up and am trying to keep it fairly clean. Thank you for the suggestion of switching from Norton to McAfee, I am amazed at the difference of what got through. Thank you Ron Dear Ron The big and well known outfits are normally quite legit. When they have something to lose, they toe the line. With unknown ones I would be a lot more careful. Just give them a disposable hotmail address and put a forward into the ho'mail to go to your earthlink address. If that hotmail address becomes a nuisance, dump it. You can set up a forwarding address for each subscription. Subscribe with for example grandrecipes234", then set that hotmail address to forward to your normal earthlink address. That way, if you get a lot of spam sent to that address, then you know that GrandRecipes has sold your address to the swine. If you still like their recipes, just use MailWasher to make a filter that dumps everything sent to that address but does not have recipe in the body of the mail. MailWasher is still at Have FUN! DearWebby
The judge read the charges, then asked, "Are you the defendant in this case?" "No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jill, "I've got a lawyer to do the defendin'. I'm the person who done it."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Sorting Dirty Clothing Put a cardboard divider in your clothes hamper and use one side for whites and one for darks. Then when your family puts clothes in, they will already be sorted. Towels and sheets can also go on the white side if you have more dark clothes in family. This has worked very well in my household for several years. By Hazel
pit stops 1950 vs 2013
____________________________________________________ MOODS OF A WOMAN An angel of truth and a dream of fiction, A woman is a bundle of contradiction, She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house. Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose, She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, She'll win you in rags, enchant you in silk, She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk; At times she'll be vengeful, merry, and sad, She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad. MOODS OF A MAN Hungry, Horny (Not necessarily in that order) ____________________________________________________
What this man does with stone is unreal!
A man started to snore in his seat in church. "Please stop snoring,Sir." the usher pleaded. "You are disturbing the others." "Look, buddy," the man said angrily, "I donated enough to this church that I probably own this whole pew, not just this seat, and I'll do whatever I want." "Yes Sir," said the usher. "But you are keeping everybody awake."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 16
1547 Ivan the Terrible was crowned Czar of Russia. 

1572 The Duke of Norfolk was tried for treason for
complicity in the Ridolfi plot to restore Catholicism in
England. He was executed on June 2. 

1759 The British Museum opened. 

1809 The British defeated the French at the Battle of
Corunna, in the Peninsular War. 

1866 Mr. Everett Barney patented the metal screw, clamp

1896 The first five-player college basketball game was
played at Iowa City, IA. 

1900 The U.S. Senate consented to the Anglo-German treaty
of 1899, by which the U.K. renounced rights to the Samoan

1920 Prohibition went into effect in the U.S. 

1925 Leon Trotsky was dismissed as Chairman of the
Revolutionary Council of the USSR. 

1944 General Dwight D. Eisenhower took command of the
Allied invasion force in London. 

1970 Colonel Muammar el-Quaddafi became virtual president
of Libya. 

1970 Buckminster Fuller, the designer of the geodesic
dome, was awarded the Gold Medal of the American
Institute of Architects. 

1979 The Shah of Iran and his family fled Iran for Egypt.

1982 Britain and the Vatican resumed full diplomatic
relations after a break of over 400 years. 

1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition
of stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and
elsewhere would come to an immediate end. 

1988 Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder was fired as a CBS sports
commentator one day after telling a TV station in
Washington, DC, that, during the era of slavery, blacks
had been bred to produce stronger offspring. 

1998 Researchers announced that an altered gene helped to
defend against HIV. 

1991 The White House announced the start of Operation
Desert Storm. The operation was designed to drive Iraqi
forces out of Kuwait. 

1992 Officials of the government of El Salvador and rebel
leaders signed a pact in Mexico City ending 12 years of
civil war. At least 75,000 people were killed during the

1998 The first woman to enroll at Virginia Military
Institute withdrew from the school. 

1998 It was announced that Texas would receive $15.3
billion in a tobacco industry settlement. The payouts
were planned to take place over 25 years. 

2000 Ricardo Lagos was elected Chile's first socialist
president since Salvador Allende. 

2002 U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that
John Walker Lindh would be brought to the United States
to face trial. He was charged in U.S. District Court in
Alexandria, VA, with conspiracy to kill U.S. citizens,
providing support to terrorist organizations, and
engaging in prohibited transactions with the Taliban of

2002 The U.N. Security Council unanimously adopted
sanctions against Osama bin Laden, his terror network and
the remnants of the Taliban. The sanctions required that
all nations impose arms embargoes and freeze their

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 500 million
applications downloaded.

2016  smiled.

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How to get rid of streaks on monitor 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 12

Today I have to go to Calgary again for Lucentis injections
through my eyeballs to the Macular, the platform behind the 
retina. That means nothing gets sent out on Friday,
Saturday or Sunday. And NO mail gets answered on those days.

Fantastic moon and stars out tonight. Skies are clear and
the stars are bright and close. 

A friend introduced me to a book, that she just finished
writing and put onto Amazon: Burnout to Bliss. $1.99
So I thought that would be a good excuse to learn about
Kindle. A quick download and install and my computer was a
free Kindle reader. That was slick!

The book came down just as fast. Reading with that PC Kindle
took some getting used to. No scrolling to read at the
center of the monitor! Each tap of the up or down arrow
flips a page, same as trying to scroll with the mouse.
Once I got the hang of that, it was great!

The Burnout book was great too. I read it non-stop. Have not
done that for decades! Highly recommended! With demand,
Amazon will raise the price, so buy it while it is still
low priced. 

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Dumb crooks risk blowing themselves up in Ł25,000 ATM 
raid then get caught by trail of bank notes
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 12 in
49 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon River signaling
a war between Rome and Gaul. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for this story: A tale is told about a small town that had historically been "dry," but then a local businessman decided to build a tavern. A group of Christians from a local church were concerned and planned an all-night prayer meeting to ask God to intervene. It just so happened that shortly thereafter lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground. The owner of the bar sued the church, claiming that the prayers of the congregation were responsible, but the church hired a lawyer to argue in court that they were not responsible. The presiding judge, after his initial review of the case, stated that "no matter how this case comes out, one thing is clear. The tavern owner believes in the power of prayer and the Christians do not." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Noella for this picture: bark in the park ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Bowyer, 32, Christopher Myatt, 20, Cheadle, Stockport, England Dumb crooks risk blowing themselves up in Ł25,000 ATM raid then get caught by trail of bank notes A pair of bungling crooks who blew up a cash machine were caught after they left a trail of banknotes leading to their hideout. Christopher Bowyer, 32, and Christopher Myatt, 20, risked killing themselves and those nearby when they used gas to blow up an ATM on a petrol station forecourt in Cheadle, Stockport. After scooping Ł25,000 from the mangled dispenser at the BP Garage on Stockport Road, in Manchester, the pair drove off in a getaway car. But Manchester’s Minshull Street Crown Court heard how the pair left Ł2,500 of notes scattered around the area and a trail of cash in the direction they had made off. Police who raced to the scene were quickly able to trace the getaway vehicle with the help of the force helicopter, reports Manchester Evening News. Prosecutor David Bentley told the court how the crooks were found hiding on the M56 gantry at the Wythenshawe junction and an officer was forced to save one of them when they were unable to come down. He added Myatt, in particular, was unable to budge from his perched position, fearing he was ‘going to fall’ to the motorway below. Mr Bentley added: “The officer then grabbed his clothing and dragged him to a safe area.” The court heard how the two had plotted to pump explosive gas into the ATM - a type of crime which has swept the region in recent years. Bowyer, of Woodsend Crescent Road, Urmston, and Myatt, of Wastdale Road, Wythenshawe, drove to the forecourt shortly before 2am on January 11 this year and blew up the cash machine, sending notes flying into the air. After being caught, Myatt’s mobile phone was checked by police and there were images of the forecourt as well as internet searches for gas used in the explosion. His blood was also found on the cash machine itself and glass fragments were found in his shoe. Bowyer was said to be the brains behind the plot - but said he didn’t physically get out to pump the gas or pick up the cash. The pair had previously pleaded guilty to causing an explosion likely to endanger life, and theft. Jailing Bowyer for eight years, and Myatt for seven and a half years, Judge Leslie Hull, said he hoped the sentences would deter others doing the same thing. He said the plot could have endangered lives given its location to residential areas and being so close to highly combustible substances. He added: “The risk of putting other people’s lives on the line was a risk which both of you were willing to take.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lynn Re: Monitor streaks Dear Webby, What's the best way to clean a monitor? Mine shows streaks within a day or so of cleaning. Thanks Lynn Dear Trish First, turn the monitor off for five minutes. You can leave the computer running, but turn the monitor off and ignore it for five minutes. Next, vacuum the entire monitor, but especially the screen, even if you can't see any dust on it. The dust is in the invisible little craters etched into the surface to make it less reflective. Then put an old towel below the front of the screen and sponge wipe the screen with plenty of window cleaner or vinegar. Vacuum the screen dry. Repeat that a few times. Spray window cleaner onto the screen and wipe it off with micro fiber cloth or an old tee-shirt. Leave the drip towel in place because usually after a while all the excess liquid that seeped into the case will drip out somewhere. Let it completely dry for at least 15 minutes, then give it a very light spray of a good quality furniture polish and gently wipe it with paper towel or Kleenex. That will repell dust and keep it nice and shiny. It will be a bit more reflective, but not streaky. Have FUN! DearWebby
During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb. When Bubba asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him. "Does your dog have a license?" he asked. "No way," Bubba said, "Ol' Blue don't need none. I always do the drivin' these days. He gets way too many speeding tickets and started biting cops!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Clearing Potato Peelings From Disposal By momof3boys [1 Post] After deciding to send potato peelings and carrot peelings down the drain, I immediately regretted it. They had gone past the disposal, but had clogged the pipe. I was home alone with 2 kids under 3. I happened upon this post and saw the baking soda and vinegar as well as a plunger tip. So I took the plunge. I plunged the sink a couple times and got the clog loose. Then for good measure I did the baking soda with vinegar, let it sit while a kettle of water boiled. Then poured that down. Works like a charm! As soon as I tell my husband, he is sure to say "I told you so" about the peelings going down the drain. But I fixed it myself. You live, you learn.
Ella and Elvis
____________________________________________________ >From Brenda A car with Massachusetts license plates drove up to the Canadian customs booth I was manning. When I asked the driver his name, he looked at me strangely and asked, "How much?" I repeated my question, and this time he answered. But when proceeded to question him further, he told me he just wanted to pay the toll and go. "You're not at a tollbooth, sir," I patiently explained. "This is Canadian customs." The man paled. He had left Boston six hours earlier . . . headed for New York City. ____________________________________________________
What this man does with stone is unreal!
How to answer female telemarketers: **BEEP** You have reached the Breast Self-Examination Hotline. Press one to continue. (pause) Now, press the other one. **Click**
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 12
49 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon River signaling a
war between Rome and Gaul. 

1519 Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I died. 

1875 Kwang-su was made emperor of China. 

1879 The British-Zulu War began when the British 
invaded Zululand. 

1882 Thomas Edison's central station on Holborn Viaduct in
London began operation. 

1896 At Davidson College, several students took x-ray
photographs. They created the first X-ray photographs to be
made in America. 

1904 Henry Ford set a new land speed record when he reached
91.37 miles per hour. 

1908 A wireless message was sent long-distance for the first
time from the Eiffel Tower in Paris. 

1915 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a proposal
to give women the right to vote. 

1915 The U.S. Congress established the Rocky Mountain
National Park. 

1932 Hattie W. Caraway became the first woman elected to the
U.S. Senate. 

1938 Austria recognized the Franco government in Spain. 

1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland. 

1942 U.S. President Roosevelt created the National War Labor

1943 The Office of Price Administration announced that
standard frankfurters/hot dogs/wieners would be replaced by
'Victory Sausages.' 

1945 During World War II, Soviet forces began a huge
offensive against the Germans in Eastern Europe. 

1964 Leftist rebels in Zanzibar began their successful
revolt against the government and a republic was proclaimed.

1966 U.S. President Johnson said in his State of the Union
address that the United States should stay in South Vietnam
until Communist aggression there was ended. 

1970 The breakaway state of Biafra capitulated and the
Nigerian civil war came to an end. 

1971 "All In the Family" debuted on CBS-TV. 

1986 Space shuttle Columbia blasted off with a crew that
included the first Hispanic-American in space, Dr. Franklin
R. Chang-Diaz. 

1991 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution authorizing
President Bush to use military power to force Iraq out of

1995 Northern Ireland Secretary Patrick Mayhew announced
that as of January 16 British troops would no longer carry
out daylight street patrols in Belfast. 

1998 Tyson Foods Inc. pled guilty to giving $12,000 to
former Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy. Tyson was fined $6

1998 19 European nations agreed to prohibit human cloning. 

1998 Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth
Starr's office with taped conversations between herself and
former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. 

1999 Mark McGwire's 70th home run ball was sold at auction
in New York for $3 million to an anonymous bidder. 

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, gave police
broad authority to stop and question people who run at the
sight of an officer. 

2005 NASA launched "Deep Impact". The spacecraft was planned
to impact on Comet Tempel 1 after a six-month, 268 million-
mile journey. 

2016  smiled.

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What is an Ezine 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 11

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drunk Florida woman, 61, clobbered hubby 
for sex refusal
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 11 in
1569 England's first state lottery was held.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off. --- Ellen DeGeneres Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. --- Thomas Szasz ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Liz When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy" "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your bum?" ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. Once an hour the nurses walked the patient in the hall, a nurses aide on each side with his arms over their sholders. Behind them the floor nurse stomped along, gesticulating with all kinds of fearsome devices and explaining just what kind of enema he would need if he stopped walking. After a week, the patient was ready to go home. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation but that they had been lucky to get him to the hospital in time. "But doctor, you don't understand," his daughter said, "Dad hasn't walked in over five years!" ______________________________________________________ Secret Waterfall, Japan ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kerry Lee Pineiro, 61, Seminole, Florida Drunk Florida woman, 61, clobbered hubby for sex refusal After her husband refused to have sex with her, a 61-year- old Florida woman punched her spouse in the face before twice kneeing him in the groin, according to police who arrested the woman for domestic battery. As detailed in a criminal complaint, a drunk Kerry Lee Pineiro last night clobbered her husband inside the couple’s condominium in Seminole. Pineiro, cops charge, became “upset” with the 60-year-old victim “after he would not have sex with her.” After punching her husband in the eye, Pineiro kneed him in the groin when he sought to keep her from driving away drunk from their home, investigators allege. Pineiro is also accused of kneeing her spouse in the groin a second time and then kneeing him in the thigh. When questioned by a cop, Pineiro said she had “zero story,” adding that she wanted to go to jail. En route to the county lockup, Pineiro, seen above in an old Facebook photo, denied striking her husband. Charged with domestic battery, a misdemeanor, Pineiro spent the night in jail before a judge released her today on her own recognizance. She has been ordered to wear a “continuous alcohol monitor” during the duration of her criminal case. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Trish Re: Ezine Dear Webby, Can you please tell me what Ezine means, I'm sure there are other people who also are not so knowledgeable on internet speak. Thanks a lot, Trish from Oz Dear Trish ezine is just short for Electronic magaZINE and means any newsletter that also has pictures and that you get via email or on the web. Have FUN! DearWebby
Human Resource Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Goldfish Shaped Mini Pizzas By lalala... [793 Posts, 103 Comments] Ingredients: Pillsbury Classic canned pizza dough pizza sauce cheddar cheese, grated sliced black olives goldfish cookie cutter, optional Steps: Preheat oven to 425 degrees F. Dust counter with flour and unroll the pizza dough. Cut out the mini pizzas with the cookie cutter. Place the pizza onto a greased cookie sheet. Spoon some pizza sauce onto the pizzas and spread it out. Top them with cheese. Add an olive slice for the eye. Bake for 14-18 minutes or until the bottom of the pizza is light brown. I recommend checking them frequently towards the end, so that they don't overcook. Allow to cool on the pan for a few minutes, then enjoy!
The Man Song
____________________________________________________ At a diner, I was standing in line to pay my bill behind two women who handed the young waitress a credit card. After swiping the card, she loudly called out to her manager, "Mr. Allen, what do I do if it says 'reject'?" As the women's faces reddened and customers turned to look, Mr. Allen, also the cook, calmly walked out from the kitchen. "Well," he answered, the first thing you do is shout it out loud enough to embarrass the customer, who might have been thinking about leaving a tip for the cook. Next you go check and see if McDonalds will take you back." ____________________________________________________
What this man does with stone is unreal!
Three couples are in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says to the first couple, "Sorry, I can't let you in." "Why not?" asked the husband. "Because all the two of you ever cared about was drinking. You were either stone drunk or hung over. You didn't have a sober day in your marriage." said St. Peter. "That's not true!" pleaded the couple. "Really, now." said St. Peter. "What's your wife's name?" "Sherry", said the man "See, you even married a woman named after a drink!" said St. Peter just as he released a trap door, sending them straight down to hell. Then he a told the second couple they couldn't get in to Heaven, either. "Why not?" asked the second husband. "Because all you ever cared about was making money, and you didn't care how you did it. You would cheat anybody, anytime to make your fortune." said St. Peter. "You even cheated your own brothers and sisters out of their inheritance!" "That's not true!" pleaded the husband. "Oh, really?" queried St. Peter "What's your wife's name?" "Penny", said the husband. "See?" said St. Peter, "You even have wife named after money." At which point he released the trap door sending them down to hell. The third husband, grinning, said to his wife, "Well, Fanny, I'm sure glad we were not interested in booze or money!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 11
1569 England's first state lottery was held. 

1770 The first shipment of rhubarb was sent to the United
States from London. 

1867 Benito Juarez returned to the Mexican presidency,
following the withdrawal of French troops and the execution
of Emperor Maximilian. 

1878 In New York, milk was delivered in glass bottles for
the first time by Alexander Campbell. 

1902 "Popular Mechanics" magazine was published for the
first time. 

1913 The first sedan-type car was unveiled at the National
Automobile Show in New York City. The car was manufactured
by the Hudson Motor Company. 

1922 At Toronto General Hospital, Leonard Thompson became
the first person to be successfully treated with insulin. 

1935 Amelia Earhart Putnam became the first woman to fly
solo from Hawaii to California. 

1938 In Limerick, ME, Frances Moulton assumed her duties as
the first woman bank president. 

1942 Japan declared war against the Netherlands. The same
day, Japanese forces invaded the Dutch East Indies. 

1943 The United States and Britain signed treaties
relinquishing extraterritorial rights in China. 

1964 U.S. Surgeon General Luther Terry released a report
that said that smoking cigarettes was a definite health

1977 France released Abu Daoud, a Palestinian suspected of
involvement in the massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972
Munich Olympics. 

1978 Two Soviet cosmonauts aboard the Soyuz 27 capsule
linked up with the Salyut 6 orbiting space station, where
the Soyuz 26 capsule was already docked. 

1980 Nigel Short, age 14, from Bolton in Britain, became the
youngest International Master in the history of chess. 

1986 Author James Clavell signed a 5$ million deal with
Morrow/Avon Publishing for the book "Whirlwind". The book is
a 2,000 page novel. 

1988 U.S. Vice President George Bush met with
representatives of independent counsel Lawrence E. Walsh to
answer questions about the Iran-Contra affair. 

1991 An auction of silver and paintings that had been
acquired by the late Ferdinand Marcos and his wife, Imelda,
brought in a total of $20.29 million at Christie's in New

1996 Ryutaro Hashimoto become Japan's prime minister. He
replaced Tomiichi Murayama who had resigned on January 5,

2000 The merger between AOL and Time Warner was approved by
the U.S. government with restrictions. 

2000 The U.S. Postal Service unveiled the second Vietnam
Veterans Memorial commemorative stamp in a ceremony at The

2001 The Texas Board of Criminal Justice released a review
of the escape of the "Texas 7." It stated that prison staff
missed critical opportunities to prevent the escape by
ignoring a fire alarm, not reporting unsupervised inmates
and not demanding proper identification from inmates. 

2001 The U.S. Federal Trade Commission approved the merger
of America Online and Time Warner to form AOL Time Warner. 

2016  smiled.

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Bounced emails 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 10

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
North Carolina pastor arrested, charged with 
9 counts of robbery in string of heists 
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 10 in
1776 "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine was published.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously. --- Nicholas Butler Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. --- Robert Orben ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Father, passing through his son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window, "Whadoya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Just dump him on the front porch and we'll drag him in in the morning." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two dogs were walking down the street. One dog says to the other, "Wait here a minute, I'll be right back." He walks across the street and sniffs a fire hydrant for about a minute, then walks back across the street. The other dog says, "What was that about?" The dog first dog says, "Oh, I was just checking my pee-mail messages." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Thomas Lindsey, 47, Charlotte, N.C. North Carolina pastor arrested, charged with 9 counts of robbery in string of heists suspected to be drug-motivated Thou shalt not steal. A Charlotte, N.C. pastor put one of the 10 commandments on the backburner and was ultimately arrested Wednesday in connection to a number of armed robberies on local businesses. John Thomas Lindsey, 47, a pastor at True Love Church of Refuge, was charged with 9 counts of robbery with a dangerous weapon, 9 counts of conspiracy to commit robbery with a dangerous weapon and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, reports. Lindsey allegedly robbed two 7-Eleven stores, a Family Dollar store, a Circle K and two Sam’s Marts. He’s suspected to have fired a shot inside a Family Dollar store back in October. Surveillance footage in the stores shows a person resembling Lindsey engaged in the robberies. Sources told WSOC that drugs are suspected to be the motive for the crimes. Police zeroed in on Lindsey after being led to him by a 24- year-old man named Fernando Carillo-Hernandez, who was arrested Tuesday and charged with three counts of robbery with a dangerous weapon and three counts of conspiracy to commit robbery with a dangerous weapon, according to WSOC. Carillo-Hernandez, who does not appear to be connected to True Love Church of Refuge, is allegedly responsible for robberies at Circle K locations. He also has a rap sheet that includes two drug-related convictions. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Delivery has changed Dear Webby, can you enlighten me on something? I have mailwasher pro..thank god...and lately I am getting some "delivery has changed" emails returned from addresses that I have not sent to and don't know...they do have part of my address in them....I think this may be nasty... now what???? Thanks my dear...Hugggs Ann Dear Ann Just spam. Probably somebody, who has you in their address book, has a nasty infection and got harvested. If you ARE in the habit of sending mails to yourself as a lazy way to keep notes, get into the habit of putting a special mark like ~ into the front of the subject line. Then make a filter in Mailwasher to dump all mail pretending to be from you, that does not have that ~, into the trash, automatically, unseen. You will never seen that crap again, but your ~ prefixed memos come through nicely. Have FUN! DearWebby
Human Resource Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Gluten Free Potato Cakes By Litter Gitter [198 Posts, 638 Comments] Cook Time: approximately 15 minutes Total Time: approximately 20 minutes Yield: 3-6 servings Ingredients: 2 cups chilled creamed potatoes 1 Tbsp gluten free flour 1 egg bacon grease Steps: Mix flour with potatoes. Whisk egg. Stir egg into potato mixture. Place bacon grease in frying pan. Heat enough to cover the bottom of the pan well. Remove excess. Drop tablespoons of mixture into hot bacon drippings. Fry on medium heat until golden brown on each side. Serve hot. I am usually suspicious about supposedly gluten free flour, so I use simple instant mashed potatoes, which are basically just dried mashed potatoes, instead of flour. And naturally, I brown some fine cut onions in the bacon grease. That makes a HUGE improvement! The recipe is totally flexible. In season I chop some parsley or chives into it. A timid sprinkle of garlic powder is also nice, and of course salt and pepper. Have FUN! DearWebby
Janitor gets revenge when shoveling snow!
____________________________________________________ Suffering from a bad case of the flu, a man phoned his doctor to get an appointment. When he was told scheduled date of the appointment, he became outraged and bellowed, "Three weeks? The doctor can't see me for three weeks? I could well be dead by then!" Calmly, the receptionist replied, "If so, could you have your wife call to cancel the appointment?" ____________________________________________________
I love the little bonsai forests.
Just before the public viewing at a funeral parlor, a widow notices her deceased husband's hairpiece is flapping in the breeze caused by the air conditioner. "This won't do!" She orders the director to take care of the problem. He assures her that he will take care of it, if she'll just wait in the outer office for ten minutes. She leaves and comes back after exactly 600 seconds. Sure enough, her husband's hair is all in place. A month later, the widow is reviewing the bill for the funeral and she notices there was no charge for the hair problem. She calls to inquire as to why. She is told that it was "on the house." "Nonsense," she retorts, "you expended time and materials and I will compensate you for it. Now, give me a price!" "Ok, madam", the funeral director wearily agrees. He holds the phone away and hollers across the room, "Hey, Charlie, how much did those three nails cost to put that toupee in place last month?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 10
1776 "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine was published. 

1840 The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a
standard charge rather than paid for by the recipient, began
in Britain. 

1861 Florida seceded from the United States. 

1863 Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of
the London Underground Railway system, from Paddington to
Farringdon Street. 

1870 John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil. 

1901 Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near
Beaumont, TX. 

1911 Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from an
airplane while flying over San Diego, CA. 

1920 The League of Nations ratified the Treaty of
Versailles, officially ending World War I with Germany. 

1927 Fritz Lang's film "Metropolis" was first shown, in

1928 The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky. 

1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt sailed from Miami,
FL, to Trinidad thus becoming the first American President
to visit a foreign country during wartime. 

1943 The quiz show, "The Better Half," was heard for the
first time on Mutual Radio. 

1946 The first meeting of the United Nations General
Assembly took place with 51 nations represented. 

1951 Donald Howard Rogers piloted the first passenger jet on
a trip from Chicago to New York City. 

1978 The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a Soyuz
capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space laboratory.

1981 In El Salvador, Marxist insurgents launched a "final

1984 The United States and the Vatican established full
diplomatic relations for the first time in more than a

1990 Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing
after seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy
protests had saved China from "the abyss of misery." 

1990 Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a
$14 billion merger. The new company, Time Warner, was the
world's largest entertainment company. 

1994 In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She had
been charged with maliciously wounding her husband John. She
was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity. 

1997 Shelby Lynne Barrackman was strangled to death by her
grand-father when she licked the icing off of cupcakes. He
was convicted of the crime on September 15, 1998. 

2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy
America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever corporate
merger priced at $162 billion. The Federal Trade Commission
(FTC) approved the deal on December 14, 2000. 

2001 American Airlines agreed to acquire most of Trans World
Airlines (TWA) assets for about $500 million. The deal
brought an end to the financially troubled TWA. 

2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all
women could get the morning-after contraception pill for
free in pharmacies. 

2003 North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from the
global nuclear arms control treaty and that it had no plans
to develop nuclear weapons. 

2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.3 million feature
length films sold and 50 million television episodes sold.

2016  smiled.

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Desktop icon on W10 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, January 8

Thank you, Michael!

Thanks to the 40 who figured out how to vote! 
Top ranked again!

On Thursday, January 12, I have to go to Calgary again for
Lucentis injections through my eyeballs to the Macular, the
platform behind the retina. That means nothing gets sent
out on Friday, Saturday or Sunday.
And NO mail gets answered on those days.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested for hitting fiance 
with plank with nails in it
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 8 in
2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old
pyramid and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. --- Hunter S. Thompson (1939 - 2005) The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his right rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, he drops the spare onto the hub cap in which he was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something." Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid." --------------- Last time I ran this joke about five years ago, about a hundred people wrote me and told me that pretty well summed up why they worked where they did. I'm glad they are having fun! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cindy for reminding me of this one: An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of Expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Channel No. 5, $200 an ounce!" About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and trumpets a fart like the finale of an opera. Just before the elevator doors close behind her, she turns and whispers into the eyewatering fumes: "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound." ______________________________________________________ Panama Flower Market ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Enrevie Hinayon Bendejo, 25, Fernandina Beach, Florida Florida woman arrested for hitting fiance with plank with nails in it A Florida woman was arrested after authorities say she beat her boyfriend with a wooden plank with nails in it during an argument over an engagement ring. Enrevie Hinayon Bendejo, 25, was arrested Monday on a charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, the Nassau County Sheriff's Office said. Bendejo remained behind bars on $5,000 bond Thursday, jail records showed. No attorney information was immediately available. Deputies arrested Bendejo, of Fernandina Beach, after responding to reports of a fight between a man and a woman, The Florida Times-Union reported. When deputies arrived they found Bendejo walking away from the 26-year-old man carrying a plank with nails in one end which they ordered her to drop, the report said. Bendejo told the deputies she and the man had been engaged for about a week, and the man said they were arguing about the ring her gave her when he proposed, the report said. They were arguing when she picked up the plank and started hitting him then bit him on the arm and punched him in the face, according to the report. The man had red marks and bruises and a bite mark on his arm. The report did not say whether she was drunk or just evil. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Carol Re: Desktop icon Dear Webby, I put Accuradio on my computer and want to put an icon on my desktop for it so I won't have to go through y reading list to find it. It does not work the way it used to (right-click on internet address). Would you please tell me how it is done now in W10? As always, I appreciate your help and your Humor Letter. Thank you, Carol Dear Carol On the browser, I use Chrome, there is a tiny little icon to the left of the URL. Drag that onto the desktop. Simply double-click that, and Chrome will go there. Have FUN! DearWebby
Speaking of broccoli.... A couple are asleep in their beds late one night, when the wife thinks she hears a noise downstairs. She nudges her husband and whispers, "Wake up, wake up!" "What's the matter?" he asks. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the broccoli casserole I made tonight." "That'll teach them!" says the husband.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Homemade Oxi-Clean Materials a container with a lid 1 cup water 1/2 cup hydrogen peroxide 1/2 cup baking soda Keep a jar of this next to your laundry machine and let soak in the stains for 15 minutes to overnight. I have not had any problems with color bleeding, but as always test a small spot on clothes you may be unsure of, as to not have any surprises. By Teri M from Omaha, NE
Janitor gets revenge when shoveling snow!
____________________________________________________ Thanks to JoAnn for this: Interesting 1 x 8 + 1 = 9 12 x 8 + 2 = 98 123 x 8 + 3 = 987 1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876 12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765 123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654 1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543 12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432 123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321 ____________________________________________________
This is just sad...
"So," Jane asked the detective she had hired. "Did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out- of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed Jane's face. "Aha! I've got him!" she said gloating. "Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "There is absolutely no doubt. It's pretty clear that he was following you, ... and taking pictures for his web site."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 8
1642 Astronomer Galileo Galilei died in Arcetri, Italy. 

1675 The first corporation was chartered in the United
States. The company was the New York Fishing Company. 

1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had
officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of
the Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not
reached British troops in time to prevent their attack on
New Orleans. 

1838 Alfred Vail demonstrated a telegraph code he had
devised using dots and dashes as letters. The code was the
predecessor to Samuel Morse's code. 

1853 A bronze statue of Andrew Jackson on a horse was
unveiled in Lafayette Park in Washington, DC. The statue
was the work of Clark Mills. 

1856 Borax (hydrated sodium borate) was discovered by Dr.
John Veatch. 

1877 Crazy Horse (Tashunca-uitco) and his warriors fought
their final battle against the U.S. Cavalry in Montana. 

1886 The Severn Railway Tunnel, Britain's longest, was

1889 The tabulating machine was patented by Dr. Herman
Hollerith. His firm, Tabulating Machine Company, later
became International Business Machines Corporation (IBM). 

1894 Fire caused serious damage at the World's Columbian
Exposition in Chicago, IL. 

1900 U.S. President McKinley placed Alaska under military

1900 In South Africa, General White turned back the Boers
attack of Ladysmith. 

1908 A catastrophic train collision occurred in the smoke-
filled Park Avenue Tunnel in New York City. Seventeen were
killed and thirty-eight were injured. The accident caused a
public outcry and increased demand for electric trains. 

1916 During World War I, the final withdrawal of Allied
troops from Gallipoli took place. 

1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson announced his Fourteen
Points as the basis for peace upon the end of World War I. 

1935 The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy. 

1962 Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa was exhibited in America
for the first time at the National Gallery of Art in
Washington, DC. The next day the exhibit opened to the

1973 Secret peace talks between the United States and North
Vietnam resumed near Paris, France. 

1973 The trial opened in Washington, of seven men accused
of bugging Democratic Party headquarters in the Watergate
apartment complex in Washington, DC. 

1982 American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) settled the
Justice Department's antitrust lawsuit against it by
agreeing to divest itself of the 22 Bell System companies. 

1982 The U.S. Justice Department withdrew an antitrust suit
against IBM. 

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush collapsed during a
state dinner in Tokyo. White House officials said Bush was
suffering from stomach flu. 

1993 Bosnian President Izetbegovic visited the U.S. to
plead his government's case for Western military aid and
intervention to halt Serbian aggression. 

1994 Tonya Harding won the ladies' U.S. Figure Skating
Championship in Detroit, MI, a day after Nancy Kerrigan
dropped out because of a clubbing attack that injured her
right knee. The U.S. Figure Skating Association later took
the title from Harding because of her involvement in the

1998 Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for his
role of mastermind behind the World Trade Center bombing in
New York. 

1998 Scientists announced that they had discovered that
galaxies were accelerating and moving apart and at faster

1999 The top two executives of Salt Lake City's Olympic
Organizing Committee resigned amid disclosures that civic
boosters had given cash to members of the International
Olympic Committee. 

2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old
pyramid and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet. 

2016  smiled.

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Internet Radio 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, January 7

Thanks to Lewis at for fixing the 
Ezinefinder. You can vote again!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
First Drive-Thru Rage Arrest Of 2017 is in Florida,
again, what a surprise!
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 7 in
1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. 
He named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 

Can YOU spot them?

See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it's against the law. --- Alex Levin One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. --- Niels Bohr ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger hopelessly overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane. Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the oversized luggage. "When I fly other airlines," he said irritably, "I never have this problem." She smiled and said, "Sir, when you fly other airlines, I don't have this problem either." ______________________________________________________ A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs. "Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it." "You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat." The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run for the bridge. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. "Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner. "No," says the tourist, "but I was wondering if you have any bronze politicians!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Silva, 49, Clearwater, Florida First Drive-Thru Rage Arrest Of 2017 is in Florida, again, what a surprise! A McDonald’s employee was kicked in the stomach by an “irate and violent” customer who was “extremely unhappy with his service in the drive-thru,” according to Florida cops. Investigators allege that William Silva, 49, exploded after being "tied up" in the drive-thru lane, which was “backed up” Sunday around 10:30 PM. Silva, cops say, entered the Clearwater McDonald’s and started screaming and cursing at employees. After being asked to calm down, Silva allegedly attacked worker Manuel Cano, who was off-duty at the time. Silva, a criminal complaint alleges, "delivered a front kick" to Cano, who countered with several blows to Silva’s head and held him for police. While Silva, pictured above, denied starting the January 1 altercation or creating a disturbance inside the restaurant, his account of the incident was contradicted by Cano and a McDonald’s manager. Silva was arrested for disorderly conduct and battery, both misdemeanors. He was released from the county jail last night after posting $650 bond. Silva’s rap sheet includes convictions for cocaine possession and possession of drug paraphernalia. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Diane Re: Web Radio Dear Webby, The radio stations in this town stink. Both of them. Is ther a way to get different radio stations over the web? Do I need any specila program to listen to them and what is involved in setting my computer up for them? Thanks Diane Dear Diane Just browse to Registration is free and highly recommended. That way they keep track of what you like and what you dump. For example, if you click on SKIP to skip a certain screecher, who threatened to move to Canada, but failed, it will remember that and avoid her in the future. You can nicely customize your listening experience. There are countless different channels like Brazilian, Blues, Celtic, even Top100. You can even search by artist, if you don't remember the channel. If you are registered, it will show you the last few channels you used. It is quite slick! And totally free. No setup hassles either. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Linda Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting together for Christmas, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.” Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks: “Dear Milton,” she wrote one son, “The house you built is too huge. I live in only one room, but I have to keep the whole house clean!” “Dear Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel. I stay at home most of the time, so I rarely use the Mercedes.” “Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “You have the good sense to know what your Mother likes. The chicken was Dee-licious.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Salt Stains on Leather If you get salt stains on your leather shoes or boots in the wintertime, mix one tablespoon of white vinegar in one cup of water. Dip a clean soft rag in the liquid, the wipe the salt stains. Allow to dry and your shoes should be good as new! By Becki in Indiana
Dance of the Reed Flutes (from Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite) - Kinda different!
____________________________________________________ An Irishman went to London for a visit to the circus. While there, he saw a man with an elephant act. The man claimed the elephant could look at a person and tell that person's age. The Irishman was very skeptical and said so, in no uncertain terms. The man had the elephant look at a small boy and the elephant stamped its foot 9 times. "Is that right?" he asked the boy. "Yes, I'm nine!" the boy said. The Irishman continued his loud heckling, still not believing that this was true. The man asked the elephant to tell the ages of several other people, and each time the elephant stamped his foot and the people said he was correct. The Irishman got even louder and more abusive toward the man. Finally the man could take it no longer and wagered the Irishman that the elephant could look at him and tell him his age. The Irishman took him up on the wager. The elephant looked real close at the Irishman, turned around, raised his tail and cut wind like you wouldn't believe. Then he turned back around, knocked the Irishman to the ground with his trunk and then stomped on him twice. The Irishman, crumpled and bleeding, staggered back to his feet and with a sound of disbelief in his voice cried, "Lard, Thunder and Murphy, he's right!...Farty-two!" ____________________________________________________
The bizarre origins behind 10 of the world’s most common superstitions.
That joke reminds me of this one: Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at all her bean soup made her the talk of New England society. At a party celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles Street restaurant, an old matron approached Mrs. O'Malley and said, "My dear girl, what is the secret of your soup?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is that I use but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it." The woman said, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it too farty."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 7
1558 Calais, the last English possession on mainland
France, was recaptured by the French. 

1610 Galileo Galilei sighted four of Jupiter's moons. He
named them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. 

1782 The Bank of North America opened in Philadelphia. It
was the first commercial bank in the United States. 

1785 French aeronaut/balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard
successfully made the first air-crossing of the English
Channel from the English coast to France. 

1789 Americans voted for the electors that would choose
George Washington to be the first U.S. president. 

1887 Thomas Stevens completed the first worldwide bicycle
trip. He started his trip in April 1884. Stevens and his
bike traveled 13,500 miles in almost three years time. 

1894 W.K. Dickson received a patent for motion picture

1896 The "Fannie Farmer Cookbook" was published. 

1904 The distress signal "CQD" was established. Two years
later "SOS" became the radio distress signal because it was
quicker to send by wireless radio. 

1927 Transatlantic telephone service began between New York
and London. 31 calls were made on this first day. 

1927 In Hinckley IL, the Harlem Globetrotters played their
first game. 

1929 The debut of "Buck Rogers 2429 A.D." occurred in
newspapers around the U.S. The title of the comic strip was
later changed to "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century." 

1932 Chancellor Heinrich Brüning declared that Germany
cannot, and will not, resume reparations payments. 

1935 French Foreign Minister Pierre Laval and Italian Prime
Minister Benito Mussolini signed the Italo-French

1940 "Gene Autry’s Melody Ranch" debuted on CBS Radio. The
show aired for 16 years. 

1941 The NBC Blue radio network presented "The Squeaky
Door" for the first time. The show was later known as
"Inner Sanctum." 

1942 The World War II siege of Bataan began. 

1949 The announcement of the first photograph of genes was
shown at the University of Southern California in Los

1953 U.S. President Harry Truman announced the development
of the hydrogen bomb. 

1954 The Duoscopic TV receiver was unveiled this day. The
TV set allowed the watching of two different shows at the
same time. 

1959 The United States recognized Fidel Castro's new
government in Cuba. 

1975 OPEC agreed to raise crude oil prices by 10%, which
began a time of world economic inflation. 

1979 Vietnamese forces captured the Cambodian capital of
Phnom Penh, overthrowing the Khmer Rouge government. 

1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that
authorized $1.5 billion in loans for the bail out of
Chrysler Corp. 

1989 Crown Prince Akihito became the emperor of Japan
following the death of his father, Emperor Hirohito. 

1990 The Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed to the public.
The accelerated rate of "leaning" raised fears for the
safety of its visitors. 

1996 Alvaro Arzu was elected president of Guatemala. 

1996 One of the biggest blizzards in U.S. history hit the
eastern states. More than 100 deaths were later blamed on
the severe weather. 

1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky signed an
affidavit denying that she had an affair with U.S.
President Clinton. 

1999 U.S. President Clinton went on trial before the
Senate. It was only the second time in U.S. history that an
impeached president had gone to trial. Clinton was later
acquitted of perjury and obstruction of justice charges. 

2002 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates introduced a new
device code named Mira. The device was tablet-like and was
a cross between a handheld computer and a TV remote

2009 Russia shut off all gas supplies to Europe through
Ukraine. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin publicly endorsed
the move and urged greater international involvement in the
energy dispute. 

2016  smiled.

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XP SP3 update onto an AMD Athlon machine 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you, Clyde!!!!

Yes I know that the Ezinefinder is stuck in last year.
Last year I had to nag until the middle of April.

Here are the addresses that I mail to: ... hare_id=11

Maybe, if I am not the only one nagging, 
we will get some action going.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Newark, New York Business Executive Arrested for DWI, 
Buys All Local Newspapers to Hide It.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 6 in
2017 Obama awarded the Defense Department’s “Medal of
Distinguished Public Service” to himself. North Korea style.
Maybe it refers to his golf games.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car. --- Evan Davis The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. --- Albert Einstein ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: A group of Americans was traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a process of cheese making, explaining that goats' milk was used. She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours." ______________________________________________________ >From Jewel from Down Under (where they have summer now) This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife what was for supper. Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in the air conditioned house all day while she did all the work, so she scolded him. "I can't believe you're aking me about supper right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside and figure dinner out yourself." So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak, with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea. The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing up and asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?" "Huh? I thought you were out of town." The funeral will be on Saturday. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ >Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joseph Talbot, 43, Newark, New York New York Business Executive Arrested for DWI, Buys All Local Newspapers to Hide It Joseph Talbot, 43, was arrested in Newark, New York (not New Jersey) recently for driving while intoxicated. According to local reports, Talbot refused to be photographed by police, refused to have his fingerprints taken, and would not give a breath sample. The reason? He didn’t want to end up in the local paper. Talbot is a vice president of Key Insurance and Benefits Services Inc., an arm of Key Bank, which would partially explain his desire to keep the arrest hidden. The more successful you are, the more these types of scandals can hurt. His efforts landed him a second-degree obstructing governmental administration charge on top of the DWI. Talbot refused to give up on his attempt to hide his arrest, however, and he went out the next day to buy up as many local papers as he could to hide the news. According to Ron Holdraker, the editor and owner of the Times of Wayne County, Talbot purchased over 900 copies. With Newark’s population sitting around 8,952, Talbot clearly believed that he had purchased enough copies to hide the news. Despite spending over $1000 to hide his arrest, Talbot is now being plastered all over the internet for his silly attempt. Maybe next time Talbot can save himself the time and money by just not driving while intoxicated. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Leesa Re: XP SP3 update onto an AMD Athlon machine Dear Webby, How goes it way up north in the "almost as cold as we are" country? Gets any colder here, I think we should just burrow into one of the many deep hard snow drifts, and spend the winter in hibernation. Have a question for you. Remember way back when microsoft first came out with the sp3 update for xp? At that time they said it would cause problems for amd athlon. Do you know if it was ever fixed so it could be run on amd? I so hate to give up my computer, but now can't get any updates because most seem to require sp3. I don't want to just install it then not be able to get it back out of there. I haven't had time to get all my backups done for 2016, and it may be a while before that gets done. You wise and intelligent answer would be appreciated. Stay warm. Stay safe. Havin' tons of fun now leesa dear leesa no gullible warming here either. I think I skipped sp3. There is no definite answer about it. Some say it is ok, some say it isn't. Since your machine works quite nicely without those "updates", why bother with them? Xp has been completely fixed years ago. There are no more bug fixes, just the odd security update. If you have malwarebytes, then don't worry about it. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Susan: My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds that she had put on recently. "Good," I exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too! We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I get the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I'll call you first." "Great," she replied. "I'll ride with you. I'll pay for the ice cream on the way back!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Freezing Food Without a Vacuum Sealer By paulawill2 To freeze and vacuum seal foods, try this no cost vacuum sealer. Get a large enough bowl of water that will fit what you want to freeze. Zip package partway closed, leaving a small opening. Push out air. Slip baggy into the bowl of water until the opening is just above the surface of water. Gently squeeze out remaining air. Zip close. Dry with towel, place in freezer. Wala, a protection from air for your hard earned food!
" target="_blank" >"> when you go hunting with a girl
____________________________________________________ From my archives, today in 2005 POSTED: 8:22 am EST January 7, 2005 PHILADELPHIA -- A Philadelphia fanatic is heading to federal prison. It took a jury less than two hours on Thursday to convict Allan Carlson, 41, of sending out thousands of e-mails blasting the management of the Philadelphia Phillies. He had listed sportswriters and team officials as the senders, so spam that bounced back went to them. As a result, people he named had their computers clogged with thousands of messages. A federal prosecutor says reporters weren't able to find their real e-mails in all the garbage. Carlson, who's been living with his parents in New Jersey, could get up to 41 months in federal prison. Only senators can get away with doing that. ____________________________________________________
Drone footage and time lapse of surreal landscape and sky in Iceland.
An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy addressed his wife with endearing terms-calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married over 50 years, and they appeared still very clearly in love. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that, after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names." The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth, he said. "I forgot her name about ten years ago."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 6
2017 Obama awarded the Defense Department’s “Medal of
Distinguished Public Service” as the administration’s token
of appreciation, to himself.

0871 England's King Alfred defeated the Danes at the Battle
of Ashdown. 

1205 Philip of Swabia was crowned as King of the Romans. 

1453 Frederick III erected Austria into an Archduchy. 

1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to Anne of
Cleves, his fourth wife. 

1720 The Committee of Inquiry on the South Sea Bubble
published its findings. 

1838 Samuel Morse publicly demonstrated the telegraph for
the first time. 

1896 The first American women’s six-day bicycle race was
held at Madison Square Garden in New York City. 

1900 In India, it was reported that millions of people were
dying from starvation. 

1900 Off of South Africa, the British seized the German
steamer Herzog. The boat was released on January 22, 1900. 

1930 The first diesel-engine automobile trip was completed
after a run of 792 miles from Indianapolis, IN, to New York
City, NY. 

1942 The first commercial around-the-world airline flight
took place. Pan American Airlines was the company that made
history with the feat. 

1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and
77,000 Allied casualties. 

1950 Britain recognized the Communist government of China. 

1952 "Peanuts" debuted in Sunday papers across the United

1967 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces launched a major
offensive, known as Operation "Deckhouse V", in the Mekong
River delta. 

1982 William G. Bonin was convicted in Los Angeles, CA, of
being the "freeway killer" who had murdered 14 young men and

1987 After a 29-year lapse, the Ford Thunderbird was
presented with the Motor Trend Car of the Year Award. It was
the first occurrence of a repeat winner of the award. 

1994 Figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed on the right
leg by an assailant at Cobo Arena in Detroit, MI. Four men
were later sentenced to prison for the attack, including
Tonya Harding's ex-husband. 

1998 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect was launched into orbit
around the moon. The craft was crashed into the moon, in an
effort to find water under the lunar surface, on July 31,

1999 The 106th U.S. Congress opened. The first item on the
agenda was the impeachment proceedings of U.S. President
Bill Clinton. The trial was set to begin January 7, 1999. 

2004 In the United Arab Emirates, construction began on the
Burj Khalifa skyscraper. Upon completion it was the world's
largest building. 

2016  smiled.

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Are Link exchanges good or bad? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 5

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
UF bonehead broke into a home, found sleeping with a 
broom. Got arrested. 
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 5 in 
1781 Richmond, VA, was burned by a British naval 
expedition led by Benedict Arnold. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure. --- Samuel Johnson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Three preachers decided to have a joint revival meeting. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our ten biggest trouble makers!" ______________________________________________________ The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. He said, "Yes, I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after three?" asked the teacher. "Four," says little Johnny. "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?" Little Johnny smiles and says, "A jack." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christian Chambers Kobes, 20, Universitry of Floriduh, Floriduh UF bonehead broke into a home, found sleeping with a broom. Got arrested. After a night out at Midtown on Wednesday, a UF student broke into a house and fell asleep with a broom, Gainesville Police said. At about 5:10 a.m., Christian Chambers Kobes, 20, used the broom to break a window pane at the home, located in the 1700 block of eighth avenue, according to the police report. Police responded to the home’s alarm and found Kobes asleep with the broom, according to the report. Kobes, a UF food and resource economics student, began taking classes in Fall, John Hines, the UF public records and public affairs coordinator, wrote in an email. Police confirmed the broom was used to break the window and enter the home, according to the report. The damage is estimated to be $100. When approached by officers, Kobes did not comply with commands and continued gripping the broom, according to the report. Police used a K-9 unit to apprehend Kobes. The owner of the home said no one had permission to enter his home, and the broom was moved from where it was originally left outside, according to the report. Kobes told officers he was drinking in Midtown earlier that evening and had no memory of breaking into the house, according to the report. Kobes was arrested on charges of burglary, criminal mischief and resisting an officer without violence. Authorities took him to the Alachua County Jail where he remains, as of press time, without bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sylvie Re: Link exchange Dear Webby, I keep getting mail from people wanting me to exchange links with them. They promise that it would include traffic to my site. Is there any truth to that? Sylvie Dear Sylvie Quite the opposite. If the search engines catch you linking to those spammers, then they penalize you and dump your hard earned ranking. Forget the rethoric and BS of the self styled Search Engine Optimizers. 99.99% of them are clueless con artists. The search engines spend very serious money to be relevant, to show what you are looking for, and NOT showing some irrelevant garbage promoted by search engine "experts" trying to sneak around the rules. Just make sure your content is relevant and matches your site title, and you'll soon rank high in the search engines. Have FUN! DearWebby
A perfectionist teacher demands the very best of all of her pupils. So it is only to be expected that she would get furious when one little fellow hands in a sloppily done homework paper. "This is the worst essay it has been my misfortune to read," the woman says through clenched teeth. "It has so many mistakes. I can't understand how one person could have made all these mistakes." "It wasn't just one person," the boy replies defensively. "My mom helped me."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Painting Old Windows With a few inexpensive supplies you can create your own faux stained glass window to display in your home. This is a guide about painting faux stained glass on old windows. I got this old window at a salvage store. $5.00. I used clear Elmer's glue mixed with a small amount of acrylic paint to create faux stained glass paint. I outlined my pattern with black paint that comes with a tip. Then I added embellishments and presto, trash to treasure. By Bruzier from Omaha, Ne I used to do a lot of that in the 70's. You can get cheap acrylic (plexiglass), and "Liquid Leading" at craft stores. It is lead grey and comes in a needle tip toothpaste tube. You pencil your design and run a bead of leading along the pencil line. Then you put a few drops of filler into the fields. You can use any outdoor varnish with a bit of paint from the same brand added. Acrylic, not Latex! If you have some money, you can get different "wrinklers" for stained glass. A drop of that into a freshly filled field will give it a starburst or spiderweb texture. Very pretty! Then you put the plexiglass behind the clear glass on a door or top window. Easy and VERY artsy and very expensive looking! Have FUN! DearWebby
how to catch fish while water skiing
____________________________________________________ To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not at all try to understand her. ____________________________________________________
This transparent graffiti illusion is awesome!
A question had appeared in a students' medical examination which read: "List four benefits of breast milk." A student began to answer the question: 1. No need to bottle it. 2. Cats can't steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. But the fourth point eluded him. When there were barely a couple of minutes before the exam ended, the fourth point flashed to his mind. So he completed the answer by writing: 4. Available in very attractive containers.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 5

1781 Richmond, VA, was burned by a British naval expedition
led by Benedict Arnold. 

1885 The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to
offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation
of farm wagons on trains. 

1896 It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm
Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that became
known as X-rays. 

1900 In Ireland, Nationalist leader John Edward Redmond
called for a revolt against British rule. 

1903 The general public could use the Pacific cable for the
very first time. 

1914 Ford Motor Company announced that there would be a new
daily minimum wage of $5 and an eight-hour workday. 

1925 Mrs. Nellie Taylor Ross was sworn in as the governor of
Wyoming. She was the first female governor in the U.S. 

1933 In California, construction of the Golden Gate Bridge

1934 Both the National and American baseball leagues decided
to use a uniform-size baseball. It was the first time in 33
years that both leagues used the same size ball. 

1940 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) got its
very first demonstration of FM radio. 

1944 The London "Daily Mail" was the first transoceanic
newspaper to be published. 

1948 Warner Brothers-Pathe showed the very first color
newsreel. The footage was of the Tournament of Roses Parade
and the Rose Bowl football classic. 

1956 In the Peanuts comic strip, Snoopy walked on two legs
for the first time. 

1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon ordered the development
of the space shuttle. 

1987 U.S. President Ronald Reagan underwent prostate

1993 The state of Washington executed Westley Allan Dodd. It
was America's first legal hanging since 1965. Dodd was an
admitted child sex killer. 

1996 Yahya Ayyash, a member of the Hamas in Israel, is
killed by a booby-trapped cellular phone. 

1998 U.S. Representative Sonny Bono died in skiing accident.

2002 A 15 year-old student pilot, Charles Bishop, crashed a
small plane into a building in Tampa, FL. Bishop was about
to begin a flying lesson when he took off without permission
and without an instructor. 

2016  smiled.

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Garbled emails 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 4

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wisconsin bonehead arrested after he belly-flopped
onto windshield of Wisconsin police car
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 4 in 
1936 The first pop music chart based on national sales 
was published by "Billboard" magazine. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. --- Mae West (1892 - 1980) Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. --- Will Rogers ___________ Right. Always cuss in Latin. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A couple went to pay a visit to another couple, unannounced. The wife answered the door. "Come in," she said. The other couple came in,sat down, then asked, "Where's John?" "Oh," replied his wife,"he's in the bathroom, grouting and spackling." "Oh, dear," said the other lady, "I had that once and didn't get over it for two weeks. ______________________________________________________ The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a HUGE amount of material on the midterm exam. Tension in the room built, people were sighing and gasping aloud as they realized how much material they had covered and were expected to recall. The following week, the professor tossed the graded papers on her desk and announced, "Class, after I left here last week, the Lord spoke to me. He said, 'Thanks, professor. I haven't heard from some of those people in years!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by James Romano, 25, Menasha, Wisconsin Wisconsin bonehead arrested after he belly flopped onto windshield of Wisconsin police car The 25-year-old Wisconsin resident rang in the New Year by performing an exquisite belly flop atop the windshield of a police cruiser. Romano, for some reason, charged the stationary squad car shortly after midnight Sunday. As he reached the vehicle’s front end, Romano launched himself into the air. Upon landing, Romano smashed the windshield of the cruiser, which was occupied by a Menasha Police Department officer. After a scuffle with cops, Romano was taken into custody and transported to a local hospital for treatment. He was then booked into the county jail on multiple charges, including battery on a law enforcement officer, disorderly conduct, and criminal damage to property. Investigators say that Romano (seen above) “had been drinking” prior to his ill-conceived execution of the January 1 belly flop in Menasha, a city about 35 miles south of Green Bay. According to his LinkedIn page, Romano works as a customer service manager at Walmart. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Debby Re: Garbled emails Dear Webby, The humor letter is great Thanks! I hope you can give me a little insight as to why I receive emails that is full of useless words, just words all garbled up. Is it some kind of code or something? Some emails are the entire thing, some have just a paragraph at the end of a letter. Thanks, Debby Dear Debby Spam is for trashing, not for getting philosophical about. They are just putting crap in there to try and sneak past spam control programs, and then show their phony ads as a picture. Obviously, somebody who uses such a crooked approach is a crook, and not worth your time or money. Just trash their garbage. Have FUN! DearWebby
I met a man who had been married for 66 years. "Amazing. 66 years!" I said. "What's the secret to such a long, happy marriage?" "Well," he replied, "It's like this. The man makes all the big decisions ... and the woman just makes the little decisions." "Really?" I responded. "Does that really work?" "Oh, yes," he said proudly. "66 years, and so far, not one big decision!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Lip Balm By Becky Miles [100 Posts, 158 Comments] My lips have been so dry lately and I couldn't find my usual lip stuff. Instead of going out and buying yet another one, I made some. I had all the ingredients, but that's because I make lots of homemade hand salves and foot balms, etc. The most expensive supply is the beeswax. You can buy the beeswax pastilles. I bought a huge 1 pound block with a 60% off coupon at the craft store (for about $5) and I grated it myself. It took some work and I don't recommend using a grater that you want to use again for food (it is hard to clean off). But, it has lasted a long time and I use it a lot. This lip balm worked perfectly. My lips are no longer dry and I saved a few bucks! Total Time: 10 minutes, plus cooling time Yield: 3 containers Source: Supplies: 1 Tbsp grated beeswax, to act as your moisturizer 1 Tbsp coconut oil, to promote hydration a dash of honey - The instructions call for raw honey, but I had none. Regular honey worked, too. 2 vitamin E capsules (I didn't have the capsules, so I squirted in what seemed like 2 capsules-worth) pot to heat water clean can or glass jar containers to put your lip balm in Steps: Heat a small pan with about 1 inch of water to simmering. I use an old pot that I don't cook with. Take a small clean metal can and add the grated beeswax. If you are opposed to using the can, you could use a glass jar. It's hard to clean out, but you could use it over and over again. Add the can or glass jar to the water. Melt the beeswax about halfway. Add the coconut oil and honey. Stir with a plastic utensil, chopstick, or Popsicle stick. Once the mix hardens, it's hard to clean off. Use something that you don't mind tossing. Once melted, carefully take the can out of the pan of water. Use a towel or potholders. I squish my can so that it has a spout to pour out without getting the mixture all over my counter. Pour into your containers. I had a couple of old lip stuff containers. I also poured some into a cleaned baby food container. Don't touch your containers as they cool. It takes about 15 to 20 minutes to harden. Enjoy!
how to catch fish while water skiing
____________________________________________________ The following is an ad from a newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake. MONDAY: For sale: R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M.. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred In R. D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M." WEDNESDAY: Notice: R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale -- R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him." THURSDAY: Notice: I, R. D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I intentionally broke it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she has now quit. ____________________________________________________
This transparent graffiti illusion is awesome!
After setting off the alarm while passing through a metal detector at McCarran Airport in Las Vegas, a traveler was asked by a security agent if she had any change in her pockets. "Gee," she says, turning towards her husband, I told you we should of gone to Florida instead. Here everyone expects to be tipped."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 4
1850 The first American ice-skating club was organized in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1884 The socialist Fabian Society was founded in London. 

1885 Dr. William Grant performed the first successful
appendectomy. The patient was Mary Gartside. 

1936 The first pop music chart based on national sales was
published by "Billboard" magazine. 

1944 The attack on Monte Cassino was launched by the British
Fifth Army in Italy. 

1948 Britain granted independence to Burma. 

1951 During the Korean conflict, North Korean and Communist
Chinese forces captured the city of Seoul. 

1953 Tufted plastic carpeting was introduced by Barwick

1958 The Soviet satellite Sputknik I fell to the earth from
its orbit. The craft had been launched on October 4, 1957. 

1962 New York City introduced a train that operated without
conductors and motormen. 

1965 The Fender Guitar Company was sold to CBS for $13

1984 Wayne ‘The Great One’ Gretzky scored eight points (four
goals and four assists) for the second time in his National
Hockey League (NHL) career. Edmonton’s Oilers defeated the
Minnesota North Stars, 12-8. The game was the highest-
scoring NHL game to date. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously to condemn
Israel's treatment of the Palestinians in the occupied

1997 The Greek Cypriot government signed an agreement to buy
S-300 surface-to-air missiles from Russia. 

1999 A drifting Nicaraguan fishing boat was found by the
Norwegian oil tanker Joelm. The fisherman had been lost at
sea for 35 days after the engine of their vessel quit

1999 Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura was sworn in
as Minnesota's 37th governor. 

2007 Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the U.S. House of
Representatives. She was the first woman to hold the

2010 In Dubai, United Arab Emirates, the Burj Dubai (Dubai
Tower) opened as the world's tallest tower at 2,625 feet. 

2016  smiled.

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Leaving mail on the server 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 3

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Teen stole cop car after being cuffed for drunk driving
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 3 in 
1496 References in Leonardo da Vinci notebooks suggested
that he tested his flying machine. The test didn't succeed
and he didn't try to fly again for several years. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. --- Terry Pratchett Old men are fond of giving good advice, to console themselves for being no longer in a position to give bad examples. --- François La Rochefoucauld What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left. --- Oscar Levant If marriage were outlawed, then only outlaws would have inlaws. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher asked her students why they had to be quiet during the Church service. One bright little girl replied "Because people are sleeping." ______________________________________________________ I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy." Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?" He replied, "They're all nocturnal." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor Where is the Gullible Warming? ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dekota Locklear, 18, Lumberton, NC Teen stole cop car after being cuffed for drunk driving A North Carolina teen humiliated three NYPD cops early Sunday by escaping a Manhattan DWI checkpoint in a police cruiser — despite having been tossed into the back seat with his hands cuffed behind his back, law enforcement sources said. Police brass were weighing disciplinary action against the two cops whose marked patrol car was stolen and taken on a joyride, then ditched about 12 miles away in Yonkers, the sources said. “Somebody’s getting suspended,” one high-ranking police source said. But the cops claim they were ordered by a sergeant to leave Dekota Locklear, 18, alone in the car — which had no divider between the front and back — before hauling him off to the 33rd Precinct station house in Washington Heights. “The sergeant wanted to get another arrest. He told them to put Locklear in the car,” said a source familiar with the incident. “It was cold out and they left the engine on because they didn’t want him to freeze,” the source added. “It was all under the sergeant’s orders and there weren’t enough people to do a checkpoint.” A law enforcement source said Sunday night that the sergeant and both cops were under investigation for the debacle. The caper, which could have come straight out of “The Dukes of Hazzard,” began unfolding around 2 a.m. at 158th Street and the Henry Hudson Parkway. Dekota Locklear in an undated Facebook photoFacebook Locklear, of Lumberton, NC, was stopped while driving a black 2008 Hyundai through the checkpoint and placed under arrest for having bloodshot eyes and failing a sobriety test, sources said. While in the back seat of the police car, Locklear maneuvered his hands in front of his body, then allegedly slipped into the driver’s seat and took off. “He climbed over the seat and took the vehicle,” court papers state. The NYPD used GPS technology to find the cruiser abandoned near the Saw Mill River Parkway in Yonkers. One of its sides had been damaged in a collision, according to police sources. The car was left in a parking space hidden by trees on Saw Mill River Road, a neighbor said. Following its discovery, about 50 cops with search dogs and high-powered lights beat the bushes in the heavily wooded area, according to the neighbor. Locklear — who has a lengthy rap sheet, including a kidnapping charge in North Carolina — was busted nearby around 4:10 a.m., according to police sources. He was charged with a slew of crimes, including grand larceny and reckless endangerment. The teen was arraigned Sunday night and ordered held in lieu of $50,000 bond. The suspect’s Facebook account features photos that show him flashing gang signs and holding firearms. He was traveling with an unidentified 13-year-old boy at the time of his arrest, sources said. It was unclear what happened to the kid. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Farah Re: Re: Leaving mail on the server Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I have to go to the East for four days to a conference and asked my ISP if I can read my mail from there but leave it on the server till I get back to my home machine. I have done that with other ISP's before and they were quite OK with it as long as I told them before each trip. This one went right hysterical and she threatened to cut me off if I get caught doing that. Have there been any changes regarding mail that I am not aware of? Farah Dear Farah The only change is that some ISP's hire dumber boneheads than they used to. Considering how silly that one is, I doubt that they can even tell if you have checked your mail. All they can see is the total size of your mailbox. Most hotel guest machines and cybercafe machines are set to "leave mail on the server" and not to delete it. Just use them like that and then download and delete the mail off the server when you get back home. I would be willing to bet that they won't notice that for those 4 days. And with THAT ISP, don't waste your time telling them about any trips that you go on. Have FUN! DearWebby
When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "It certainly wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the best towels we had... the ones we got from the Hotel when we were on vacation."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Bean and Bacon Soup Souper quick and souper easy ;-) Ingredients: 6 strips bacon 1 small celery stalk, finely chopped 1 medium onion, finely chopped 4 tsp. minced garlic 2 (15 oz.) cans white kidney beans, not drained 2 cups water 2 Tbsp. fresh parsley, chopped salt and pepper, to taste Directions: Cook the bacon in a large saucepan over medium heat until crisp, about 6 to 8 minutes. Transfer bacon with a slotted spoon to a paper or cloth towel, let cool and break into small pieces. Return the saucepan with bacon drippings to medium heat, add the celery, onion, and garlic and cook for 3 to 4 minutes, or until celery and onion are just tender, stirring well. Add the beans and water and bring to a boil, cover, reduce heat to low, and simmer for 10 minutes. Uncover and partially mash the bean mixture until it thickens slightly. Stir in the parsley, bacon, salt, and pepper to taste and serve. By Deeli from Richland, WA
The Snowman - classic!
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Diana for this one: Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear. "Hey, pal, what's the matter?" Jack asked "Oh man... I've been transferred to California," the other guy answered, there's crazy people in California and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate..." "Hold on," Jack interrupted, "I've lived in California all my life, and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world." The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?" "Me?" said Jack, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck in Oakland." ____________________________________________________
This transparent graffiti illusion is awesome!
>From Susan: In the early 1990's, when I was stationed at Caserna Carlo Ederle in Italy, it was very common to see soldiers riding bicycles back and forth to work. So it came as no big surprise that, after a series of painfully comic accidents, a new policy was announced, saying in summary, "Soldiers shall no longer salute officers who are engaged in the riding of a bicycle."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 3
1496 References in Leonardo da Vinci notebooks suggested
that he tested his flying machine. The test didn't succeed
and he didn't try to fly again for several years. 

1521 Pope Leo X excommunicated Martin Luther. 

1777 The Battle of Princeton took place in the War of
Independence, in which George Washington defeated the
British forces, led by Cornwallis. 

1815 By secret treaty, Austria, Britain, and France formed a
defensive alliance against Prusso-Russian plans to solve the
Saxon and Polish problems. 

1823 Stephen F. Austin received a grant from the Mexican
government and began colonization in the region of the
Brazos River in Texas. 

1825 The first engineering college in the U.S. , Rensselaer
School, opened in Troy, NY. It is now known as Rensselaer
Polytechnic Institute. 

1833 Britain seized control of the Falkland Islands in the
South Atlantic. About 150 years later, Argentina seized the
islands from the British, but Britain took them back after a
74-day war. 

1868 The Shogunate was abolished in Japan and Meiji dynasty
was restored. 

1871 Henry W. Bradley patented oleomargarine. 

1888 The drinking straw was patented by Marvin C. Stone. 

1924 English explorer Howard Carter discovered the
sarcophagus of Tutankhamen in the Valley of the Kings, near
Luxor, Egypt. 

1925 In Italy, Mussolini announced that he would take
dictatorial powers. 

1938 The March of Dimes was established by U.S. President
Franklin Delano Roosevelt. The organization fights
poliomyelitis. The original name of the organization was the
National Foundation for Infantile Paralysis. 

1947 In Trenton, NJ, Al Herrin, passed away at age 92. He
had claimed that he had not slept at all during his life. 

1951 NBC-TV debuted "Dragnet." 

1957 The Hamilton Watch Company introduced the first
electric watch. 

1959 In the U.S., Alaska became the 49th state. 

1961 The U.S. severed diplomatic relations with Cuba. 

1962 Pope John XXIII excommunicated Cuban prime minister
Fidel Castro. 

1967 Jack Ruby died in a Dallas, TX, hospital. 

1973 The Columbia Broadcasting System (CBS) sold the New
York Yankees to a 12-man syndicate headed by George
Steinbrenner for $10 million. 

1980 Conservationist Joy Adamson, author of "Born Free," was
killed in northern Kenya by a servant. 

1983 Tony Dorsett (Dallas Cowboys) made the longest run from
scrimmage in NFL history. Dorsett ran 99 yards in a game
against the Minnesota Vikings. 

1984 A woman died at Disneyland after falling from a ride.
She had apparently unfastened her seatbelt while on the
Matterhorn bobsled.

1990 Ousted Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega surrendered to
U.S. forces, 10 days after taking refuge in the Vatican's
diplomatic mission, which was blasted with loud rock music
intended to drive him insame.

1995 WHO reported that the cumulative total of officially
reported cases of AIDS had risen to 1,025,073 in 192
countries as at the end of 1994. 

1998 China announced that it would spend $27.7 billion to
fight erosion and pollution in the Yangtze and Yellow river

1999 Israeli authorities detained, and later expelled, 14
members of Concerned Christians. Israili officials claimed
that the Denver, CO-based cult was plotting violence in
Jerusalem to bring about the Second Coming of Christ. 

2000 Charles M. Schulz's final original daily comic strip
appeared in newspapers. 

2001 The ATF (Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms)
charged the "Texas 7" with weapons violations. An autopsy
showed that Officer Aubrey Hawkins, killed by the convicts,
had been shot 11 times and run over with a vehicle. 

2004 NASA's Spirit rover landed on Mars. The craft was able
to send back black and white images three hours after

2016  smiled.

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Problem doing back-ups with File Explorer in W10 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 2

Thank you, Dale!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Man Arrested After Demanding That McDonald's 
Workers Turn Off "Christian Music" Playing
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 1 in 
1492 The leader of the last Muslim stronghold in Spain
surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to King Ferdinand II and
Queen Isabella I. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of authority. --- Thomas H. Huxley Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. --- A. H. Weiler (1909 - 2002) It is a waste of energy to be angry with a man who behaves badly, just as it is to be angry with a car that won't go. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One time while in the Millington, Tennesee Naval Air Station, there was a fearsome thunderstorm which knocked out the electricity in the Navy Exchange. This killed the cash registers, naturally, but the Navy always has a backup. The emergency intercom came on, and a loud female voice announced, "CASHIERS TAKE YOUR CRANKS OUT OF YOUR DRAWERS!" As if that alone was not funny enough, the cash register drawers, which had the little manual cranks inside them, needed electricity, OR those little cranks to open them. ______________________________________________________ "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" the RevI asked the children in Sunday School class. "NO!" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO!" "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" he asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO!" "Well," he continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor Mother-Of-Pearl clouds in Strömsund i Jämtland, Sweden. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joseph Allen, 46, Largo, Floriduh Florida Man Arrested After Demanding That McDonald's Workers Turn Off "Christian Music" Playing Angered that “Christian music” was being played inside a McDonald’s, a Florida man cursed at employees and other patrons and demanded that they “turn it off and play Muslim and Hindu music,” according to cops who arrested the customer. Joseph Allen, 46, walked into the McDonald’s around 10:20 AM Tuesday and created “a threat to the safety of others,” according to a Largo Police Department report. Allen, cops say, “began cursing at customers and employees” due to the “Christian music” being played over speakers in the fast food restaurant (seen below). The “Christian music” to which Allen referred was apparently Christmas tunes. Allen, who appeared intoxicated, approached McDonald’s workers "in an aggressive manner," leaving the employees “in fear for their safety.” Police responding to a 911 call confronted Allen, who reportedly admitted to cursing at McDonald’s workers and customers. A search of Allen turned up a small bag of methamphetamine in a pants pocket. Seen above, Allen was booked into the county jail on disorderly conduct and narcotics possession charges. Allen, a convicted felon, is locked up in lieu of $2150 bond. His lengthy rap sheet includes busts for assault; robbery; grand theft; trespass; battery; disorderly intoxication; lewd and lascivious exhibition; distributing stolen property; criminal mischief; and carrying a concealed weapon. ---------- Excessive playing of Rudolph, the rednosed reindeer, Jingle Bells, etc. can get on one's nerves, but that music is more related to Rudolphians and believers in Shopmas, not Christianity. It is intended to make people of all faiths shopaholics, and is most definitely not enticing them to go to church. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ralph Re: File Explorer problem in W10 Dear Webby, Talking about W10 file explorer. I use it to backup my pictures to an external drive (I never took the time to learn your DOS shortcut). A curious thing happened which has never occurred before. I selected the directory ICON, COPIED and then PASTED in the destination directory. So far so good. However, upon reviewing the copied files, I got all my pictures plus the same file again with a “.file” extension (with the directory ICON) – they were empty so I deleted them. As a bonus, File Explorer would crash after so many deletes. Any idea why this is occurring or is this some more Microslop? Ralph Dear Ralph Yes, just routine Microslop. That kind of programming is typical for bath salt users. You won't get a believable excuse from Microslop. Try just CTRL - Drag. That does not screw up nearly as much or as badly as Copy / Paste Since you don't want to give DOS a chance, get a decent back-up program. NOT MICROSLOP BACKUP!!! A decent one, that allows you to back up to an external drive. Depending on the computer you got, the manufacturer may have a back-up program built in. DELL, for example has one. Have FUN! DearWebby
Overheard at a Computer Store: "I want a game capable of holding the interest of my six-year-old, but it's got to be simple enough for his father to play, too."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Hemming Jeans with Thick Seams By Elaine S. [39 Posts, 243 Comments] I have hemmed plenty of jeans in my time and broken a lot of needles. The following are tips to do it and save your needles. First of all, look for needles that are made specifically for hemming jeans. If your sewing machine has a jeans foot, use that too it allows several thicknesses of fabric underneath it. Secondly after you have pressed your double hem up, before you sew, take a hammer and pound the seam that is so thick (it is called a flat felled seam). I know this step sounds funny, but it works. As you are sewing along, when you come to a thick place and your presser foot won't allow you to go over it, insert a piece of cardboard about the thickness of two credit cards under the presser foot from the back. This allows you to "climb" the seam with ease. Lastly, sew very slowly and do not reverse. You are most likely to save needles using these hints. By Elaine S. from Near Cedar Rapids, IA
Nelly Wanted a Selfie
____________________________________________________ Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in SICK yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!" ____________________________________________________
Awesome people in Winter!
A couple went shopping at the mall. They decided to go their separate ways and meet two hours later. The husband was at their appointed meeting place at the appointed time, but there was no sign of his wife. After waiting for half an hour, he started looking for her but couldn't find her in any of the stores she usually frequented. Finally, thoroughly tired of looking for her, he approached a beautiful lady on a mall bench. He smiled at her and said, "Please, talk to me! Quick!" She said, "Why?" "Because I've been looking for my wife all over this silly mall and I can't find her," the man replied. "How will talking to me help you find your wife? I have absolutely no idea what she looks like, much less where she is." "I didn't think you did. However, every time I start talking to a beautiful woman, my wife instantly appears! So, please flirt for 30 seconds."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 2
1492 The leader of the last Muslim stronghold in Spain
surrendered to Spanish forces loyal to King Ferdinand II and
Queen Isabella I. 

1842 In Fairmount, PA, the first wire suspension bridge was
opened to traffic. 

1859 Erastus Beadle published "The Dime Book of Practical

1872 Brigham Young, the 71-year-old leader of the Mormon
Church, was arrested on a charge of bigamy. He had 25 wives.

1882 The Standard Oil Trust agreement was completed and
dated. The document transferred the stock and property of
more than 40 companies into the control of nine trustees
lead by John D. Rockefeller. This was the first example of
what became known as a holding company. 

1890 Alice Sanger became the first female White House

1900 U.S. Secretary of State John Hay announced the Open
Door Policy to prompt trade with China. 

1900 The Chicago Canal opened. 

1910 The first junior high school in the United States
opened. McKinley School in Berkeley, CA, housed seventh and
eighth grade students. In a separate building students were
housed who attended grades 9-12. 

1917 Royal Bank of Canada took over the Quebec Bank. 

1929 The United States and Canada reached an agreement on
joint action to preserve Niagara Falls. 

1935 Bruno Richard Hauptmann went on trial for the kidnap-
murder of Charles Lindberghs baby. Hauptmann was found guilt
and executed. 

1942 The Philippine capital Manila was captured by Japanese
forces during World War II. 

1953 "The Life of Riley" debuted on NBC-TV. 

1955 Panamanian President Jose Antonio Remon was

1957 The San Francisco and Los Angeles stock exchanges

1968 Fidel Castro announced petroleum and sugar rationing in

1971 In the U.S., a federally imposed ban on television
cigarette advertisements went into effect. 

1974 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon signed a bill requiring
all states to lower the maximum speed limit to 55 MPH. The
law was intended to conserve gasoline supplies during an
embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries. Federal
speed limits were abolished in 1995. 

1991 Sharon Pratt Dixon was sworn in as mayor of Washington,
DC. She was the first black woman to head a city of that
size and prominence. 

1996 AT&T announced that it would eliminate 40,000 jobs over
three years. 

1998 Russia began circulating new rubles in effort to keep
inflation in check and promote confidence. 

2004 NASA's Stardust space probe collected samples from the
comet Wild 2. The samples returned to Earth on January 15,

2008 The price of oil hit $100 per barrell for the first

2016  smiled.

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How to set DETAIL view as the default in the File Explorer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, January 1
Happy New Year!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas hijacker of occupied ambulance arrested
Details at  Boneheads
Today, January 1 in 
1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning
of the New Year (instead of March 25th). 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. --- Steve Martin (1945 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After a long and arduous divorce trial that dragged on for weeks and cost him everything except the clothes he wore, on the way out of the court George was reminded of a phrase in an old song: "being free is nothing left to lose". He realized the truth in that and started laughing and shouting as he skipped down the sidewalk. "I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted. "So what," said a little girl. "I'm almoft four." ______________________________________________________ Peter and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Peter says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment... then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys turned on him with her hands on her hips and demanded, "Who told you about us!?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rashard Williams, 28, Austin, Texas Texas hijacker of occupied ambulance arrested Police have charged the man who allegedly hijacked an Austin-Travis County EMS ambulance on Christmas Day. Court documents allege Rashard Williams, 28, took the ambulance while it was parked near the Austin Resource Center for the Homeless (ARCH) on Dec. 25. The affidavit for Williams states Williams was arrested on an unrelated charge on Dec. 27, and that his description and clothing matched that of the person seen on HALO cameras taking the ambulance. The ambulance’s crew was tending to a patient when Williams allegedly got behind the wheel and drove it to South Austin before fleeing on foot. "Completely unexpected a very rare event, and a surprise to everyone," Austin-Travis County EMS Captain Rick Rutledge told KVUE on Monday. Rutledge said the paramedics strapped in the patient during the ride. "They put on shoulder straps, they got him buckled in, that's actually the safest place in the ambulance is being secured to the stretcher," he said. Rutledge added the driver even used sirens while driving, and that EMS is not sure the driver was aware of the medics and patients in the back of the ambulance. "The back of the ambulance you can see is completely isolated so there was never a conversation or any ability to question or speak to them so we really don't know what their motives were," said Rutledge. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Terry Re: Detail view in File Explorer Dear Webby, I am sure you will agree that Windows has caused more frustration and anger than even dope. Each incarnation is more evil than the previous one and most definitely indicate that they are on bath salts. Just look at the way the file explorer always reverts to a DIFFERENT mode each time you start it, but NEVER to the Detail mode, and you have to mess around and waste time to get it into Detail mode. Do you know of a way to defeat their evil insanity and get around that? Terry Dear Terry You are probably right about bath salts. By default the file explorer now goes to Libraries. Well, I don't know anybody who uses libraries. And they are in a stupid place to start out with. Also, by default, it does not show TOOLS on top anymore. BAD DOPE! I make desktop shortcuts to go to the folders, that I use and go to dozens of times per day. That cuts out all the dopey rigamarole, Then, to fix the default to DETAIL, I shuffle it to there, then, if TOOLS is not visible, go at it via VIEW. Climb through that whole tree and correct everything, that looks stupid, like hiding file extensions. BAD DOPE!!! Once you have corrected everything, go into the Folder Options and hit APPLY TO FOLDERS. It will whine a bit, but it will let you do it. After that, close the explorer and open a new one. It SHOULD open in the same location as the last used one, and you should have DETAILS mode, just as if they had not screwed it up. You still have to make desktop shortcuts to the most used locations. I make one for each drive, and one for each location, that I frequently go to. You can drag those onto the TaskBar in the order of use frequency. It is easy enough to make nice, colorful icons for each of them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Kathy's wedding turned out to be a real family reuinion. Even her weird cousin Sean from San Francisco showed up. There were too many people to fit into the little church, and since was snowing and raining and blowing quite ferociously, a last minute decision was made to hold the ceremony in the undergound parkade across the street. A priest was ready in his ornate surplice and cassock ready to proceed the march into the parkade and begin the ceremony. He was carrying a briefcase with his book and paraphenalia and he was swinging the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. Sean was seen sidling up to the priest and saying: "Darling, I love your dress, but did you know that your purse is on fire!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Old Dry Goods If you buy rice or pasta in large economy size quantities, then you probably know that when you get to the bottom of the bags or boxes, you can't mix that stuff with freshly bought stuff, because it takes more water and more time. If you mix it, some will be crispy and some will be mushy. Fresh rice and pasta is not nearly as dry, so that it weighs more in the store. Don't throw the old goods out. Save them in empty coffee cans for the next backpacking trip. You'll get almost twice the COOKED rice for the same amount of backpacked weight. Just use more water and cook it a bit longer.
New Year's Sydney, Australia
____________________________________________________ A minister gave a talk to the Lions Club on sex. When he got home, he couldn't tell his wife that he had spoken on sex, so he said he had discussed horseback riding with the members. A few days later, she ran into some men at the shopping center and they complimented her on the speech her husband had made. She said, "Yes, I heard. I was surprised about the subject matter, as he's only tried it twice. The first time he got so sore he could hardly walk, and the second time he fell off." ____________________________________________________
The best illusions of 2016.
>From Nancy: My 12-year-old daughter asked me, "Mom, do you have a baby picture of yourself? I need it for a school project." I gave her one without thinking to ask what the project was. A few days later I was in her classroom for a parent- teacher meeting when Inoticed my face pinned to a mural the students had created. The title of their project was: "The oldest thing in my house."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on January 1
0404 The last gladiator competition was held in Rome. 

1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning
of the New Year (instead of March 25th). 

1772 The first traveler's checks were issued in London. 

1785 London's oldest daily paper "The Daily Universal
Register" (later renamed "The Times" in 1788) was first

1797 Albany became the capital of New York state, replacing
New York City. 

1801 The Act of Union of England and Ireland came into

1801 Italian astronomer Giuseppe Piazzi became the first
person to discover an asteroid. He named it Ceres. 

1804 Haiti gained its independence. 

1808 The U.S. prohibited import of slaves from Africa. 

1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the Emancipation
Proclamation, which declared that all slaves in the rebel
states were free. 

1887 Queen Victoria was proclaimed empress of India in

1892 Ellis Island Immigrant Station formally opened in New

1892 Brooklyn and New York merged to form the single city of
New York. 

1894 The Manchester Ship Canal was officially opened to

1895 In Battle Creek, MI, C.W. Post created his first usable
batch of Monks Brew (later called Postum). It was a cereal-
based substitute for caffeinated drinks. 

1898 Manhattan, the Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens and Staten
Island were consolidated into New York City. 

1900 Hawaii asked for a delegate to the Republican national

1900 Nigeria became a British protectorate with Frederick
Lagard as the high commissioner. 

1901 The Commonwealth of Australia was founded. Lord
Hopetoun officially assumed the duties as the first

1902 The first Tournament of Roses (later the Rose Bowl)
collegiate football game was played in Pasadena, CA. 

1909 The first payments of old-age pensions were made in
Britain. People over 70 received five shillings a week. 

1913 The post office began parcel post deliveries. 

1924 Frank B. Cooney received a patent for ink paste. 

1926 The Rose Bowl was carried coast to coast on network
radio for the first time. 

1934 Alcatraz Island officially became a Federal Prison. 

1934 The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) began

1936 The "New York Herald Tribune" began microfilming its
current issues. 

1937 The First Cotton Bowl football game was played in
Dallas, TX. Texas Christian University (T.C.U.) beat
Marquette, 16-6. 

1939 The Hewlett-Packard partnership was formed by Bill
Hewlett and Dave Packard. 

1942 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt and British Prime
Minister Winston Churchill issued a declaration called the
"United Nations." It was signed by 26 countries that vowed
to create an international postwar World War II peacekeeping

1945 France was admitted to the United Nations. 

1956 Sudan gained its independence. 

1958 The European Economic Community (EEC) started

1959 Fidel Castro overthrew the government of Fulgencio
Batista, and seized power in Cuba. 

1968 Evel Knievel, stunt performing daredevil, lost control
of his motorcycle midway through a jump of 141 feet over the
ornamental fountains in front of Caesar’s Palace in Las

1971 Tobacco ads representing $20 million dollars in
advertising were banned from TV and radio broadcast. 

1973 Britain, Ireland, Denmark and Norway joined the EEC. 

1975 The magazine "Popular Electronics" announced the
invention of a personal computer called Altair. MITS, using
an Intel microprocessor, developed the computer. 

1979 The United States and China held celebrations in
Washington, DC, and Beijing to mark the establishment of
diplomatic relations between the two countries. 

1981 Greece joined the European Community. 

1984 AT&T was broken up into 22 Bell System companies under
terms of an antitrust agreement with the U.S. Federal

1986 Spain and Portugal joined the European Community (EC). 

1987 A pro-democracy rally took place in Beijing's Tiananmen
Square (China). 

1990 David Dinkins was sworn in as New York City's first
black mayor. 

1992 The ESPN Radio Network was officially launched. 

1992 In Kuala, Lumpur, the groundbreaking ceremony for the
Petronas Towers took place. 

1993 Czechoslovakia split into two separate states, the
Czech Republic and Slovakia. The peaceful division had been
engineered in 1992. 

1994 Bill Gates, Chief Executive Officer of Microsoft and
Melinda French were married. 

1994 The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) went
into effect. 

1995 Frederick West, an alleged killer of 12 women and
girls, was found hanged in his jail cell in Winston Green
prison, in Birmingham. West had been under almost continuous
watch since his arrest in 1994, but security had reportedly
been relaxed in the months preceding the apparent suicide. 

1995 The World Trade Organization came into existence. The
group of 125 nations monitors global trade. 

1998 A new anti-smoking law went into effect in California.
The law prohibiting people from lighting up in bars. 

1999 The euro became currency for 11 Member States of the
European Union. Coins and notes were not available until
January 1, 2002.

1999 In California, a law went into effect that defined
"invasion of privacy as trespassing with the intent to
capture audio or video images of a celebrity or crime victim
engaging in a personal of family activity." 

2001 The "Texas 7," rented space in an RV park in Woodland
Park, CO. 

2007 Binney & Smith Company became Crayola LLC under its
parent company Hallmark.

2016  smiled.

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scvhost problem 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 31

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man says he was shot 12 times while trying to prove
'theory' that not all cops are brutal in California
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 31 in 
1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape
of Good Hope, where they would later create the South
African wine industry with the vines they took with them
on the voyage. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. --- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous. --- Henry Ford (1863 - 1947) Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. --- Susan Ertz Hindsight is an exact science, except when it comes to autobiographies. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog! ______________________________________________________ A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university. They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, an anthropologist, and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such. While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local truck stop for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the waitress what his purpose was in town, then asked her if she had any idea why the birth rate was so high. "Sure," said the waitress. "Every morning the six o'clock train comes through here and blows it's big horns for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver, for this picture: ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jose Vaca, 29, Bakersfield, California Man says he was shot 12 times while trying to prove 'theory' that not all cops are brutal in California A man who was shot by police last week after being pulled over says he wanted to prove to his friend that police officers are good people. Last Monday, 29-year-old Jose Vaca was pulled over while driving with a friend. He got out of the car holding a rifle, which he’d purchased at a flea market and was not legally allowed to have. "I exit my vehicle, I come to the front of the police vehicle, I put my butt of the rifle on the floor and I just put my hand up,” Vaca said. The weapon startled the police officers, who opened fire without warning, according to Vaca. "Soon as I hit the ground, I just attempted to play dead, and then they fired a couple more shots at me from the back as I was lying on the ground,” he said. Vaca says he never planned to shoot the officers. Instead, he thought this would be an opportunity to prove a point he’d made to a friend months ago about police brutality. "First thing that came to my mind is I'm already going to get pulled over. I know they're most likely going to take me in, but I’m going to try my theory real quick and see that it's true so she can believe there’s good officers in the world,” he said. Vaca says he was shot 12 times, with three of the bullets passing completely through his body; though the police report says only nine shots were fired. The man says it’s a “blessing” he’s alive. Looking back, Vaca considers his experiment ill-conceived because it went “completely bad.” However, the man says he still believes there are good police officers in the world. "They didn't know what to expect,” he said. Vaca is currently being held on $400,000 bail, booked on 11 different criminal counts. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: scvhost problem Dear Webby, I just noticed this week that 50% of my cpu is constantly being used by Microsoft scvhost( netsvcs) and LocalServiceAndNoImpersonation. I looked online but the answers I saw were very confusing. Is there a way to fix this? Thank you, Helen Dear Helen Microsoft does not know. They don't have a usable answer. This is the best answer I found on the net: i had this problem. And turned out to be from the Team Viewer v6. i made the team viewer service on manual start from the services assistant (type in start->run "services" and it will open this assistant) and the problem is solved :). It seams that team view version 6 and windows 7 x64 ultimate are not working to well together :( if you need team viewer install version above 6 and cpu will stay come and the system will run great :)good luck Apparently it is just a W7 bug. I can also be set off by Media Center, and by a call for a Nvidia update. Just change them all to manual start. Have FUN! DearWebby
At the Henry Street Hebrew School, Goldblatt, the new teacher, finished the day's lesson. It was now time for the usual question period. "Mr. Goldblatt," announced little Joey, "there's somethin' I can't figger out." "What's that Joey?" asked Goldblatt. "Well accordin' to the Bible, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?" "Right." "An' the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?" "Er--right." "An' the Children of Israel fought the 'gyptians, an' the Children of Israel fought the Romans, an' the Children of Israel wuz always getting in trouble somewhere, right?" "Er, yes, you could say that," agreed Goldblatt. "So what's your question?" "What I wanna know is this," demanded Joey. "What wuz all the grown-ups doin"?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Remedies for Leg Cramps Too much to print here. If you are intersted, go to Remedies for leg cramps
space images
____________________________________________________ From a dozen years ago: POSTED: 8:48 am EST December 31, 2004 YORK, Pa. -- A Pennsylvania man is behind bars after a wild chase that ended up in the parking lot of a county prison. Thirty-seven-year-old Robert Sparks of Mechanicsburg is charged with a slew of crimes, including driving under the influence, driving with a suspended license, aggravated assault, simple assault, recklessly endangering another person, fleeing from police, hit-and-run, resisting arrest and escape. According to police in York, Pa., an officer started following Sparks after seeing him spinning the tires of his pickup. Several infractions later, the officer pulled him over. But police say the suspect sped off. Another officer who caught up with him, grabbed the tailgate and hopped aboard as the pickup drove off yet again. The officer smashed out the glass but still couldn't stop the driver, finally climbing off when the pickup hit a cruiser before speeding off again. The chase ended in the parking lot of the York County prison. Nobody was hurt, but police cars were smashed up, and much fun was had by all. ____________________________________________________
Stunning charcoal drawings on paper.
Our Universe - Galaxies It is almost impossible for the human mind to comprehend such size and distance. And yet, our galaxy is just the beginning of what is in outer space! There is something even more staggering. It is this: So many galaxies have now been detected that it has been said they "are as common as blades of grass in a meadow." About ten billion galaxies are in the observable universe! But there are many more beyond the range of today's telescopes. Some astronomers estimate that there are 100 billion galaxies in the universe! And each galaxy may contain hundreds of billions of stars! Your eyes glaze over reading that, but most people have no problem believing it. However, have you ever met anybody who believes a sign that says "Caution! Wet paint." and did not have to check it with their fingers ?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 31
1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape
of Good Hope, where they would later create the South
African wine industry with the vines they took with them
on the voyage. 

1695 The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted
in many windows being bricked up. 

1775 The British repulsed an attack by Continental Army
generals Richard Montgomery and Benedict Arnold at Quebec.
Montgomery was killed in the battle. 

1841 The State of Alabama enacted the first dental
legislation in the U.S. 

1857 Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the
capital of Canada. 

1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of
incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ. 

1891 New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis
Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive
numbers of arrivals. 

1923 In London, the BBC first broadcast the chimes of Big

1929 Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played "Auld
Lang Syne" as a New Year's Eve song for the first time. 

1955 General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to
earn more than one billion dollars in a single year. 

1960 The farthing coin, which had been in use in Great
Britain since the 13th century, ceased to be legal tender.

1961 In the U.S., the Marshall Plan expired after
distributing more than $12 billion in foreign aid. 

1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own
gold for the first time in more than 40 years. 

1978 Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final
time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The
event marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S.

1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the
start of 1979. 

1986 A fire at the Dupont Plaza Hotel in San Juan, Puerto
Rico, killed 97 and injured 140 people. Three hotel
workers later pled guilty to charges in connection with
the fire. 

1996 NCR Corp. became an independent company. 

1997 Michael Kennedy, 39-year-old son of the late U.S.
Sen. Robert F. Kennedy, was killed in a skiing accident on
Aspen Mountain in Colorado. 

1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime
Minister Vladimir Putin was designated acting president. 

1999 Five hijackers left the airport where they had been
holding 150 hostages on an Indian Airlines plane. They
left with two Islamic clerics that they had demanded be
freed from an Indian prison. The plane had been hijacked
during a flight from Katmandu, Nepal to New Dehli on
December 24. 

1999 Sarah Knauss died at the age of 119 years. She was
the world's oldest person. She was born September 24,

2004 In Taiwan, the Taipei 101 skyscraper opened to the

2016  smiled.

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Can't mail out SMS messages 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, December 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh robber charged in death of two men within 4 days
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 30 in 
1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of
land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things." --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Bill: I tried this with my wife and it backfired... I guess it's only true with men... Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have lots of children with you." Sometimes they leave skid marks. ______________________________________________________ Father teaching his daughter to drive: "Stop on red, go on green, and slow down when I turn purple." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Julian Bird, 26, Lake Wales, Floriduh Floriduh robber charged in death of two men within 4 days Winter Haven Police said Julian Bird, 26, was arrested and charged on Dec. 24 with first-degree murder in the death of a Lake Wales gas station owner, Mohammad Alam. Police said Bird killed Alam in October of this year. Bird is currently in the Polk County jail and has received another charge for the shooting death of Jimmie Rogers, Jr. on November 18. Police said Bird and two others attempted to rob Rogers at his apartment complex. As Rogers pulled into the parking lot of the complex, police said Bird confronted the victim and fired into the car, causing Rogers' foot to come off of the brake and sending the vehicle rolling into the back of an apartment. Rogers died at the scene. Bird is charged with first-degree murder and attempted armed robbery. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Can't send SMS Dear Webby, For a long time, I could send a text to my daughter's (or other folks) phone. I still us the old flip phone and don't want to text more than a word or 2 from there. About 3 weeks ago, the text to the other persons phone never arrived. I have played with sending to my phone. Yahoo works, G mail works, and the roadrunner program also works. When I send from Eudora, I never makes it to my phone. Could I have changed a setting for the "out" mail that would prevent the mail from going? thanks again Jim Dear Jim Well,your Eudora gets the mail out. Roadrunner apparently won't send it to phones without extra money. Just use Skype. My rotary phone won't send SMS messages, so I just send them via Skype to their silly Pokemon Chaser. Fast and easy. Worldwide. I rarely send more than "Hey! Get your lazy butt online and onto Skype!" Once they are on Skype, we can video or text back and forth. Have FUN! DearWebby
Bill doesn't see the sense of increasing horsepower and top speed in the new cars with traffic the way it is. The other week on his way home on the Interstate highway, he had to leave the car twice to make payments.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Burnt Sugar in a Stainless Steel Pot I tried all of the above with mixed results. This one works like magic: Remove the loose burnt sugar, then cover the burnt sugar layer with hydrogen peroxide solution sold at all drugstores. Soak for a day or two with the lid on and the burnt on layer will lift right off. Amazing! By Tom
dogs experience snow for first time
____________________________________________________ On her first day the new kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How is THAT gonna help?" ____________________________________________________
Our beautiful planet earth.
A completely inebriated lady was stumbling down the street with one foot on the sidewalk and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, ma'am. You're obviously drunk." The wasted lady asked, "Ociffer, are ya abscholutely schure I'm dwunk?" Yes, ma'am, I'm sure. Otherwise you wouldn't walk with one foot on the sidewalk and one on the street." said the copper. "Come on, let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, she said, "Thank goodnesch, I schought I had loscht the heel off a one of my new schoes."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 30
1460 At the Battle of Wakefield, in England's Wars of the
Roses, the Duke of York was defeated and killed by the

1853 The United States bought about 45,000 square miles of
land from Mexico in a deal known as the Gadsden Purchase. 

1879 Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance" was
first performed, at Paignton, Devon, England. 

1880 The Transvaal was declared a republic. Paul Kruger
became its first president. 

1887 A petition to Queen Victoria with over one million names
of women appealing for public houses to be closed on Sundays
was handed to the home secretary. 

1903 About 600 people died when fire broke out at the
Iroquois Theater in Chicago, IL. 

1919 Lincoln's Inn, in London, admitted the first female bar

1922 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics (USSR) was

1924 Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galactic

1927 The first subway in the Orient was dedicated in Tokyo,

1935 Italian bombers destroyed a Sweedish Red Cross unit in

1936 The United Auto Workers union staged its first sit-down
strike, at the Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI. 

1940 California's first freeway was officially opened. It was
the Arroyo Seco Parkway connecting Los Angeles and Pasadena.

1942 "Mr. and Mrs. North" debuted on NBC radio. 

1944 King George II of Greece proclaimed a regency to rule
his country, virtually renouncing the throne. 

1947 King Michael of Romania abdicated in favor of a
Communist Republic. He claimed he was forced from his throne.

1948 "Kiss Me Kate" opened at the New Century Theatre in New
York City. Cole Porter composed the music for the classic
play that ran for 1,077 performances. 

1953 The first color TV sets went on sale for about $1,175. 

1972 The United States halted its heavy bombing of North

1976 The Smothers Brothers, Tom and Dick, played their last
show at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas and retired as a team
from show business. Both continued as solo artists and they
reunited several years later. 

1993 Israel and the Vatican established diplomatic relations.

1996 A passenger train was bombed by Bodo separatists in
India's eastern state of Assam. At least 26 people were
killed and dozens were seriously injured. 

1996 About 250,000 striking workers shut down vital services
across Israel in protests against budget cuts proposed by
Prime Minister Netanyahu. 

1997 More than 400 people were massacred in four villages in
the single worst incident during Algeria's insurgency.

2016  smiled.

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Flash on digital cameras 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, December 29

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman stole hundreds of toys from Toys for Tots
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 28 in 

See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. --- Elbert Hubbard Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said while they were around. ---Socratex People will buy anything that is one to a customer. --- Sinclair Lewis Of course the game is rigged. Don't let that stop you-- if you don't play, you can't win. --- Robert Heinlein ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much of a sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!!" ______________________________________________________ Dad gives some advice to his son before his first real date. "Son, when you pick up your date later, make sure you have some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get! It's an exchange thing." So, the son showed up for his date with flowers. She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him and rubbed her fingers through his hair,.... hoping to give him the best kiss that he had ever received. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. "Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'll be right back. There are still TONS of flowers at the cemetery a couple of blocks south of here." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Derek Edwards, 26, Iowa City, Iowa Drunk Driver arrested in festive Christmas sweater The 26-year-old Iowan’s holiday spirit appears to have sagged early Sunday after he was arrested for drunk driving. Following a minor accident, Edwards was found by cops at the wheel of his 2016 Chevrolet Malibu. Edwards, an Iowa City resident, smelled of booze, had bloodshot eyes, and impaired speech, according to a police report. A subsequent Breathalyzer test recorded his blood alcohol content at nearly three times the legal limit. As seen above, the teary Edwards was wearing a festive Christmas sweater when he posed for his mug shot. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Art Re: Flash with digital cameras Dear Webby, You sound like you rally hate flash. Other than for mug- shots of crooks and mother-in-laws, is there ANY time you would use flash, or do you simply NEVER use it? Art Dear Art! There are some exception: Falling snow, smoke, fog. If you want falling snow to show up, use flash. Spiderwebs, especially if they have some dew on them, look gorgeous with flash. The same goes for Halloween pictures. You can nicely enhance them with some smoke. The flash brings out the smoke like a fairly bright ghost. The closer to the camera, the brighter the ghost will be. Cigarette smoke blown up into the path of the flash works great! Sand storms also can be enhanced nicely with flash. However, keep in mind to NEVER shoot against a sand storm unless you have a cheap UV filter in front of the camera lens. A sandstorm will wreck the coating on the camera lens. Also, avoid shooting downwind. If possible shoot at a right angle to the storm and use the anti-red-eye pre-flash. Have FUN! DearWebby
The flowers joke of course reminds me of this one: That of course reminds me of this one: A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier goes up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000." "No problem! I'll write you a check!" "Very good, sir," says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared." So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!" "I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Storing Holiday Decorations Whenever I store something I always mark the contents on the outside of the box with a large permanent markers. For Christmas decorations I also tape a piece of wrapping paper to each box so I can clearly see which boxes contain Christmas items the following year. By Robin
To Be or Not to Be - special guest
____________________________________________________ A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was afraid the shock would give him a heart attack. So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of it to the church." At which the pastor fell over dead. ____________________________________________________
Our beautiful planet earth.
While downtown at a government office, a voice on the office loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work properly in case of emergency." My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact Building Maintenance." At that point all the workers, who were not on the phone already, picked up a phone and started complaining to Building Maintenance.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 29
1170 St. Thomas ŕ Becket, the 40th archbishop of Canterbury,
was murdered in his own cathedral by four knights acting on
Henry II's orders. 

1812 The USS Constitution won a battle with the British ship
HMS Java about 30 miles off the coast of Brazil. Before
Commodore William Bainbridge ordered the sinking of the Java
he had her wheel removed to replace the one the Constitution
had lost during the battle. 

1813 The British burned Buffalo, NY, during the War of 1812. 

1837 Canadian militiamen destroyed the Caroline, a U.S.
steamboat docked at Buffalo, NY. 

1848 U.S. President James Polk turned on the first gas light
at the White House. 

1851 The first American YMCA was organized, in Boston, MA. 

1860 The HMS Warrior, Britain's first seagoing iron-hulled
warship, was launched. 

1890 The U.S. Seventh Cavalry massacred over 400 men, women
and children at Wounded Knee Creek, SD. This was the last
major conflict between Indians and U.S. troops. 

1895 The Jameson Raid from Mafikeng into Transvaal, which
attempted to overthrow Kruger's Boer government, started. 

1911 Sun Yat-sen became the first president of a republican

1913 "The Unwelcome Throne" was released by Selig’s Polyscope
Company. This was a moving picture and the first serial
motion picture. 

1934 The first regular-season college basketball game was
played at Madison Square Garden in New York City. New York
University defeated Notre Dame 25-18. 

1934 Japan renounced the Washington Naval Treaty of 1922 and
the London Naval Treaty of 1930. 

1940 During World War II, Germany began dropping incendiary
bombs on London. 

1945 The mystery voice of Mr. Hush was heard for the first
time on the radio show, "Truth or Consequences", hosted by
Ralph Edwards. 

1945 Sheb Wooley recorded the first commercial record made in
Nashville, TN. 

1949 KC2XAK of Bridgeport, Connecticut became the first
ultrahigh frequency (UHF) television station to begin
operating on a regular daily schedule. 

1952 The first transistorized hearing aid was offered for
sale by Sonotone Corporation. 

1975 A bomb exploded in the main terminal of New York's
LaGuardia Airport. 11 people were killed. 

1985 Phil Donahue and a Soviet radio commentator hosted the
"Citizens’ Summit" via satellite TV. 

1986 The Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables, FL, reopened for
business after eighteen years and $47 million expended on

1989 Following Hong Kong's decision to forcibly repatriate
some Vietnamese refugees, thousands of Vietnamese 'boat
people' battled with riot police. 

1989 Vaclav Havel was elected president of Czechoslovakia by
the country's Federal Assembly. He was the first non-
Communist to hold the position in more than four decades. 

1996 The Guatemalan government and leaders of the leftist
Guatemalan National Revolutionary Union signed a peace accord
in Guatemala City, ending a civil war that had lasted 36

1997 Hong Kong began killing 1.25 million chickens, the
entire population, for fear of the spread of 'bird flu.' 

1998 Khmer Rouge leaders apologized for the 1970s genocide in
Cambodia that claimed 1 million lives. 

2016  smiled.

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Setting up dual monitors 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, December 29

Thank you, Bonnie!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman stole hundreds of toys from Toys for Tots
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 28 in 
1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "At the end of the game the king and the pawn go back in the same box." --- Italian Proverb "He who seeks a friend without fault remains without." --- Old Turkish Proverb ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ This year's best CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess Walters will be giving a talk on marriage. There will not be any Women Worth Watching this week. Child care provided with reservations. I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you gave me something to drink. The visiting monster today is Rev. Jack Bains. The Boars of Trustees will be meeting Tuesday night at 8PM The activity will take place on the church barking lot. ______________________________________________________ The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. "Paddy," he said, " I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day." "Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "Why? What have ya done now?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tammy Strickland, 38, Eagle Lake, Floriduh Florida woman stole hundreds of toys from Toys for Tots Tammy Strickland is facing charges of grand theft, 28 counts of providing false statement to obtain property, obtaining property by fraud and 164 counts of possessing counterfeit / fictitious identification. A 38-year-old Eagle Lake woman is facing serious charges after deputies said she illegally attempted to collect more than 100 toys from Toys for Tots. According to the Polk County Sheriff's Office, Tammy Strickland used 140 fictitious children’s names and 28 fictitious adult names on falsified “Toys for Tots” applications. Strickland then picked up the toys and loaded them into a trailer Monday at the the Toys for Tots warehouse. She is facing charges of grand theft, 28 counts of providing false statement to obtain property, obtaining property by fraud and 164 counts of possessing counterfeit /fictitious identification. "Children in need. ‘Toys for Tots.’ These things are synonymous with Christmas," Polk Sheriff Grady Judd said. "Sadly, in this case, so is The Grinch. "Tammy Strickland spent a long time filling out fraudulent applications for nonexistent children to receive toys. Now she’ll be spending a lot of time in jail." Strickland is also facing 84 additional felony charges and 13 additional misdemeanor charges for providing a false statement. The 84 new charges relate to 13 fraudulent Toys for Tots applications she submitted to the organization in 2015. Detectives determined that 13 of the 15 applications she submitted in 2015 were for fake children and families -- 13 fictitious adults and 69 fictitious children. The previous charges were for the fake applications she submitted in 2016. Strickland is now facing a total of 248 felonies and 41 misdemeanors. Authorities said they first received a tip last month about Strickland. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Roland Re: Second monitor Dear Webby, My wife visited me at work and got all excited about the dual monitor setup here. Copying data from one spreadsheet on one monitor to another spreadsheet on the other was quite impressive to her, but when we were talking and the screensaver (Mystique) came on, and the olorful flares wafted smoothly from monitor to the other, she lost it and was hooting. Well, to make a long story short, on her way home she did some shopping at Costco, and also bought a second monitor and even a cable for it. By the time I got home, she had unpacked it, made room on her desk, WOW!, and connected it. However, it just showed the lame blue Windows background. She ahs Windows 7, set to Classical background. I didn't set my dual monitors up at work. The IT guy does stuff like that after our working hours. How do I get Windows to use both monitors? Roland Dear Roland Lame Blue sounds like it is working OK. Just drag stuff over there. If you want to swap left and right, hit Windows Key and P Yes, P. I know that makes no sense to us, but probably does to the 50,000 Taliban programmers behind Windows 7. Just hold down the Windows key, with the little Windows flag, and hit P There you can tell it to "Identify" That puts a huge 1 on one monitor and a 2 on the other. You can swap that, and make the other one the main monitor. Just don't tell your kids about that. Kids find it hilarious to swap 1 and 2 and get big sister or mom all flustered. Have FUN! DearWebby
At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you." she said. Then, returning to reality she added, "But if the big oaf is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress, don't wait any longer."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Never Fail Pie Crust Ingredients: 1 1/2 cup flour 1 T. vinegar 1/2 tsp. salt 1 egg 2 Tbsp. cold water 3/4 cup Crisco Directions: Mix flour, salt and Crisco until crumbly. Beat egg, vinegar and water together. Add to flour mixture. Work together quickly. A soft dough will be easier to handle if you let it rest for about 15 minutes. Roll out on a floured pastry board. Place in pie plate and bake at 350 degrees until lightly browned. By Robin
Temptations - Keep Them Busy
____________________________________________________ Giving a man his physical, the doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey, soccer, or some physical sport?" "No," he answered. "I play bridge with my wife." ____________________________________________________
Some brave and talented souls in this old world.
Having gone out for a large lunch with fellow workers, one health conscious young woman from our office was especially motivated to get to the gym after work. Paul, who had been drafted out of retirement to help out over the holidays, and who had also enjoyed a large meal, suggested that she run an extra lap for him. As she was leaving the office, she called to Paul, "Get ready to start huffing and puffing, 'cause I'll be on your lap in half an hour!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 28
1065 Westminster Abbey was consecrated under Edward the

1694 Queen Mary II of England died after five years of
joint rule with her husband, King William III. 

1732 "The Pennsylvania Gazette," owned by Benjamin
Franklin, ran an ad for the first issue of "Poor Richard’s

1832 John C. Calhoun became the first vice president of the
United States to resign, stepping down over differences
with President Jackson. 

1836 Mexico's independence was recognized by Spain. 

1846 Iowa became the 29th state to be admitted to the

1869 William E. Semple, of Mt. Vernon, OH, patented an
acceptable chewing gum. 

1877 John Stevens applied for a patent for his flour-
rolling mill, which boosted production by 70%. 

1879 In Dundee, Scotland the central portion of the Tay
Bridge collapsed as a train was passing over it. 75 people
were killed. 

1895 In Paris, the first commercial public screening of
cinematographic films took place. 

1897 "Cyrano de Bergerac," the play by Edmond Rostand,
premiered in Paris, France. 

1902 The first professional indoor football game was played
at Madison Square Garden in New York City. Syracuse
defeated the Philadelphia Nationals 6-0. 

1908 An earthquake killed over 75,000 at Messina in Sicily.

1912 The first municipally-owned street cars were used on
the streets of San Francisco, CA. 

1917 The New York Evening Mail published a facetious essay
by H.L. Mencken on the history of bathtubs in America. 

1937 The Irish Free State became the Republic of Ireland
when a new constitution established the country as a
sovereign state under the name of Eire. 

1942 R.O. Sullivan crossed the Atlantic Ocean for the 100th

1945 The U.S. Congress officially recognized the "Pledge of

1950 The Peak District became Britain's first designated
National Park. 

1964 Initial filming of the movie "Dr. Zhivago" began on
location near Madrid, Spain. The movies total running time
is 197 minutes. 

1973 The Chamber of Commerce of Akron, OH, terminated its
association with the All-American Soap Box Derby. It was
stated that the race had become "a victim of cheating and

1973 Alexander Solzhenitsyn published "Gulag Archipelago,"
an expose of the Soviet prison system. 

1981 Elizabeth Jordan Carr, the first American test-tube
baby, was born in Norfolk, VA. 

1982 Nevell Johnson Jr. was mortally wounded by a police
officer in a Miami video arcade. The event set off three
days of race related disturbances that left another man

1987 The bodies of 14 relatives of R. Gene Simmons were
found at his home near Dover, AR. Simmons had gone on a
shooting spree in Russellville that claimed two other

1989 Alexander Dubcek, who had been expelled from the
Communist Party in 1970, was elected speaker of the Czech

1991 Nine people died in a rush to get into a basketball
game at City College in New York. 

1995 Pressure from German prosecutors investigating
pornography forced CompuServe to set a precedent by
blocking access to sex-oriented newsgroups on the Internet
for its customers. 

2000 U.S. District Court Judge Matsch held a hearing to
ensure that confessed Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh
understood that he was dropping his appeals. McVeigh said
that he wanted an execution date set but wanted to reserve
the right to seek presidential clemency. 

2016  smiled.

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How to get rid of Desktop Gadgets 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, December 27

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida crook arrested for carjacking 
used-car salesman during Broward test drive
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 26 in 
1900 Carrie Nation staged her first raid on a saloon at the
Carey Hotel in Wichita, KS. She broke each and every one of
the liquor bottles that could be seen. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952) Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms. --- Alan Corenk Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival. --- W. Edwards Deming You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. --- Jack London ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ It was the day after Christmas. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant Jesus. So he walked up the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?" The little boy replied, "I got him from the church." "And why did you take Him?" The little boy said, "About a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told Him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas, I would give Him a ride around the block in it." ______________________________________________________ Men's four stages of life: 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joshua Maxwell, 27, Fort Lauderdale, Floriduh Florida crook arrested for carjacking used-car salesman during Broward test drive A man who carjacked a used-car salesman during a test drive put some planning into the crime, according to the FBI. But Joshua Maxwell apparently didn't take care of every last detail, authorities said. Maxwell was arrested just days after the violent incident, partly because employees at the CarMax dealership in Davie made a copy of his driver license before he was allowed to go on the test drive, agents testified. Maxwell, 27, pleaded not guilty to a carjacking charge at a hearing Friday in federal court in Fort Lauderdale. Agents said Maxwell used a jagged piece of copper pipe to beat and stab the salesman during the Nov. 11 carjacking. The salesman, identified only by his initials, was injured and had to get "numerous stitches" in his head and chest, according to court records. Maxwell visited the dealership on State Road 84 on Nov. 10 and Nov. 11, agents said. During the second visit, he said he wanted to buy a 2012 Dodge Charger and the two men took the car for a test drive shortly after 10 a.m. Maxwell, who was driving at the time, told the salesman he had recently won the lottery and planned to pay for the car in cash, agents said. He also said he owned a mobile car washing business. Near the end of the test drive, the salesman told Maxwell to stop and switch positions so the salesman could drive the car back into the dealership lot. The salesman noticed Maxwell had left the car in "drive" so he reached over from the passenger side and put it in "park." Agents said Maxwell started beating the salesman about the head with the metal pipe, which Maxwell had concealed. The salesman tried to get out of the car but said Maxwell grasped his shirt and kept beating him, agents said. As the salesman finally managed to get out of the vehicle, Maxwell held onto him and followed him out the passenger door, then stabbed him in the chest, investigators said. Maxwell took off in the car and the salesman, injured and bleeding, walked back to the lot, according to court records. He was treated and released from hospital that day. The salesman identified Maxwell as the carjacker and the car was found three days later, abandoned in Lauderhill. Part of the crime was captured on video and Maxwell's foster mom identified him from a still photo taken from the footage, according to agents. Agents said she had asked Maxwell, a self-employed handyman, to move out of her Fort Lauderdale home after he stole her hurricane shutters on her birthday. Some birthday present! He should get a year in jail for that too! One week after the carjacking, Maxwell was arrested on a shoplifting allegation in Plantation. When FBI agents interviewed him, they said he admitted committing the carjacking and said he planned to steal the car so he could sell it. Maxwell told authorities he was homeless and had been living in a white cargo van that was parked near where he was arrested in Plantation. Investigators found "multiple baseball bats and a stun gun" in the van, prosecutor Jodi Anton said in court. On Friday, the judge ordered that Maxwell, who is also facing unrelated state charges, will remain jailed while the federal case is pending. If convicted of carjacking, the maximum punishment is 15 years in federal prison. The minimum is probation. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: How to get rid of desktop gadgets Dear Webby, Having trouble with my wife's Dell Desk Top Inspiron 530. She has Vista SP 1 Home Premium Edition. On her Desk Top she has several gadgets which are causing a problem in trying to delete them. When I try to delete them her computer freezes and I cannot move the cursor, therefore I cannot restart the computer. I have to pull the plug from the outlet and wait then start the computer. I then go through the same steps with the same results. I went to the control panel to find Gadgets to delete them but could not find them. I've run a McAfee virus program, CCleaner and Malwarebytes and cannot eliminate this problem. I need advise on how to eliminate gadgets from this computer as she does not need them. Your help is greatly appreciated. Daily Voter Bob Faria Dear Bob Microsoft banned the Gadgets, because they are a security risk. However, they banned VISTA too, because it is a security risk AND a piece of crap. They don't want to talk about it. The gadgets are enabled via that hokey "Sidebar". To remove the Sidebar, right-click anywhere on the Sidebar and select Close Sidebar. Uncheck "Start Sidebar when Windows starts", and then click OK. That should do the trick. Have FUN! DearWebby
At a Boxing Day sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters In Washington, DC for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered that when you press it, it plays 'Jingle Bells.'"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Dishwasher Cubes By melissa [293 Posts, 425 Comments] I decided to make my own dishwasher detergent cubes because they are cheaper and healthier. Have you read some of the ingredients in the store bought kind? That residue lingers on your dishes and you are ingesting trace amounts every day. No thank you! These are also easy to make and require common ingredients. Total Time: About 6 hours total with drying time... Yield: 18 cubes Source: Pinterest inspired Supplies: 1 cup borax 1 cup washing soda 1 cup vinegar 2 Tbsp lemon juice ice cube trays Steps: Add borax and washing soda to a large bowl, mix well. Dishwasher Cubes Add vinegar and lemon juice, mix well. Dishwasher Cubes Pour evenly into 18 ice cube squares. Continue to stir as you pour, otherwise the powders will sink to the bottom. Let dry around 5 hours. Carefully pop out of the trays and let dry another hour or so on wax paper. Place in a container and use 1 per load of dishes. I picked this glass jar up at a thrift shop. If your water is especially hard, you may want to add vinegar and coarse salt to the prewash. This should aid in reducing film and hard water spots. **If these do not fit into your dispenser very well, I would suggest pouring your liquid into 36 cubes and using 2 per load. Otherwise, just break in half. :)
Temptations - Keep Them Busy
____________________________________________________ All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card. ____________________________________________________
It took me a couple of minutes to see the illusion but once you see it you can't unsee it..
Jock and Angus, two craggy Scots, were sitting before the clubhouse fireplace after 18 holes on a raw, blustery Christmas Day. The ice slowly melted from their beards and collected in puddles under their chairs. Outside, the wind howled off the North Sea and snow and hail rattled against the windows. The pair sat in silence over their whiskies. Finally, Jock spoke, "Next Monday, same time?" "Aye," Angus replied, "weather permittin'."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 27
1703 The Methuen Treaty was signed between Portugal and
England, giving preference to the import of Portuguese wines
into England. 

1831 Charles Darwin set out on a voyage to the Pacific aboard
the HMS Beagle. Darwin's discoveries during the voyage helped
him form the basis of his theories on evolution. 

1845 Dr. Crawford Williamson Long used anesthesia for
childbirth for the first time. The event was the delivery of
his own child in Jefferson, GA. 

1900 Carrie Nation staged her first raid on a saloon at the
Carey Hotel in Wichita, KS. She broke each and every one of
the liquor bottles that could be seen. 

1927 Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party. 

1938 The first skimobile course in America opened in North
Conway, NH. 

1945 The World Bank was created with an agreement signed by
28 nations. 

1947 The children's television program "Howdy Doody," hosted
by Bob Smith, made its debut on NBC. 

1949 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands granted sovereignty to
Indonesia after more than 300 years of Dutch rule. 

1951 In Cincinnati, OH, a Crosley automobile, with a steering
wheel on the right side, became the first vehicle of its kind
to be placed in service for mail delivery. 

1965 The BP oil rig Sea Gem capsized in the North Sea, with
the loss of 13 lives. 

1978 Spain adopted a new constitution and became a democracy
after 40 years of dictatorship. 

1979 Soviet forces seized control of Afghanistan. Babrak
Karmal succeeded President Hafizullah Amin, who was
overthrown and executed. 

1985 Palestinian guerrillas opened fire inside the Rome and
Vienna airports. A total of twenty people were killed,
including five of the attackers, who were slain by police and
security personnel. 

1985 Dian Fossey, an American naturalist, was found murdered
at a research station in Rawanda. 

1992 The U.S. shot down an Iraqi fighter jet during what the
Pentagon described as a confrontation between a pair of Iraqi
warplanes and U.S. F-16 jets in U.N.-restricted airspace over
southern Iraq. 

1996 Muslim fundamentalist Taliban forces retook the
strategic air base of Bagram, solidifying their buffer zone
around Kabul, the Afghanistan capital. 

1997 In Northern Ireland, Billy Wright was assassinated while
imprisoned as a Protestant paramilitary leader. 

2000 Mario Lemeiux (Pittsburgh Penguins) returned to the
National Hockey League (NHL) as a player after over 3 years
of retirement. He was the first owner-player in the modern
era of pro sports. Lemieux had purchased the Pittsburgh
Penguins during his retirement from playing. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush granted China permanent
normal trade status with the United States. 

2002 North Korea ordered U.N. nuclear inspectors to leave the
country and said that it would restart a laboratory capable
of producing plutonium for nuclear weapons. 

2002 Clonaid announced the birth of the first cloned human
baby. The baby had been born December 26. 

2002 In Chechnya, at least 40 people were killed when suicide
bombers attacked the administartion of Grozny.

2016  smiled.

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Backing up onto camera chips 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, December 26

Rudolphians, today is Boxing Day! 
Get your knee and elbow pads on! 
Stampede Walmart! 

Christians, today is Boxing Day!
Cut and fold the empty boxes and sneak them into the
nearest dumster, that is not padlocked.

Jews: Hanukkah it stil is. There is still food!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Teen Texts Mom to Grab Drugs From Car After Crash
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 26 in 
1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese? --- Charles De Gaulle (1890 - 1970) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. "Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?" "No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a big operation today, but we are rather low on anesthetics, so we need a good size rock." ______________________________________________________ Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!" ______________________________________________________ Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me! The whole world hates me!" Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Not everybody hates you. Lots of people don't even know you yet." ______________________________________________________ Bit chilly? It's still 4 days till the Polar Bear Swim. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicholas Hipp, 19, Delray Beach, Floriduh Florida Teen Texts Mom to Grab Drugs From Car After Crash Officials say a teenager texted his mother from the back of an ambulance after he was injured in a crash, asking her to grab a drug-filled suitcase from the trunk of the car. An arrest report says a Delray Beach paramedic watched 19- year-old Nicholas Hipp type the words Monday and alerted police. They searched the car and found nearly 150 Alprazolam pills - commonly known as Xanax - and about a gram of marijuana. They also found a glass pipe and a scale. The Palm Beach Post reports Hipp told deputies he buys medication on the street because he doesn't agree with the pharmacy industry. He faces multiple drug charges and was ordered to stay away from nonprescription drugs and alcohol. An attorney wasn't listed on jail records. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Trevor Re: Back-up onto camera chips Dear Webby, I have followed your advice about backing up my spreadsheets onto camera chips for years, never any problem. I am surprised you mention that it would not work for email. Why is that? Trevor Dear Trevor If you have twenty odd years of email, you are obviously not using Outloook or Outlook Express. Those two would have suicided a few times in that period and zeroed the accumulated mail. However, with most other email programs you would still have not just all the mails, but also all the pictures. If some of your fans use Incredimail and litter childish gifs and cutesy little pictures, they amount to an awful lot of files over the years. Windows can only store about 50,000 of them per folder on a chip. That's it. All the jumping up and down and yelling and screaming about plenty of room on your $20 64 GIGAbyte chip won't do you any good. For email, or anything with more than 40,000 files per folder, you have to use an external hard drive, or slowly burn it onto a DVD, or even slower, trundle it up to a cloud. Just look for a good deal for 1 TeraByte external drives. Or smaller. 500 GB is plenty, but they are getting scarce. Then you can use Xcopy (in DOS, already on your machine) to selectively copy just those files, that have changed since the last back-up. That really speeds things up! Xcopy has been ported from UNIX and with it you can make Windows "Fault Tolerant". Normally Windows isn't. THat is why the military uses UNIX or Linux. For example, when you copy a bunch of files with Windows "copy", if it hits a snag on file #7 out of 27,456 files, it quits at #7. Usually without telling you. That seems to be OK for Microsoft, but is NOT good enough for me. With Xcopy you can get it to act as if it was on Linux or UNIX, and continue it's work. In my not so humble opinion, for backups that is extremely important. Have FUN! DearWebby
Trisha was busy giving the very patient clerk a difficult time. Nothing he produced was exactly what she wanted. In a fake fit of exasperation, Trisha screamed in annoyance: "Isn't there a smarter clerk to serve me?" "No," said the clerk. "When the smarter clerk saw you coming in the door, he ran and took an early lunch!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Ham and Broccoli Pockets By lalala... [787 Posts, 103 Comments] These delicious ham and broccoli pockets are easy to make. They can easily be made with your favorite fillings. They are a great alternative to store bought Hot Pockets. Total Time: 30 minutes Yield: 12 pockets Supplies: 2 pkg. prepared pizza dough 1 1/4 cup cooked ham, chopped small 1 cup broccoli florets, chopped small 1 cup cheddar cheese, grated 2 Tbsp milk 2 Tbsp water Steps: Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Chop ham steak into small cubes. Rinse broccoli florets and chop into small pieces. Grate cheddar cheese. Combine all filling ingredients in large mixing bowl. Open can of pizza dough and unroll it onto a lightly floured cutting board. Using a knife, cut it into 6 sections. Place 1/3 cup filling mixture onto one side of each section of dough. Using your fingers brush all edges of each section of dough with water. Then carefully fold the dough over the filling and press the edges shut. Place the pockets onto a cookie sheet. Use your fingers to brush milk onto the top of each pocket. Bake at 400 degrees F for 15-17 minutes, or until golden brown. Serve warm. Instead of grating expensive cheese, look for family packs of already grated cheese. You usually get more cheese by weight per dollar! Have FUN! DearWebby
You Shall Not Pass, Dog!
____________________________________________________ The Santa Claus at the mall was very surprised when a young lady about twenty years old walked up and sat on his lap. Santa doesn't usually take requests from adults, but she smiled very nicely at him, so he asked her, "And what do you want for Christmas?" "Something for my mother," said the young lady. "Something for your mother? Well, that's very thoughtful of you," smiled Santa. "What do you want me to bring her?" Without blinking she replied, "A son-in-law!" ____________________________________________________
Centuries old mummies found in cave in the Philippines.
Q: What's the difference between a snowblower and a bagpipe? A: Snowblowers can be tuned.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 26

1620 The Pilgrim Fathers landed at New Plymouth, MA, to
found Plymouth Colony, with John Carver as Governor. 

1776 The British suffered a major defeat in the Battle of
Trenton during the American Revolutionary War. 

1865 The coffee percolator was patented by James H. Mason.

1898 Marie and Pierre Curie discovered radium. 

1908 Texan boxer "Galveston Jack" Johnson knocked out
Tommy Burns in Sydney, Australia, to become the first
black boxer to win the world heavyweight title. 

1917 During World War I, the U.S. government took over
operation of the nation's railroads. 

1921 The Catholic Irish Free State became a self-governing
dominion of Great Britain. 

1941 Winston Churchill became the first British prime
minister to address a joint meeting of the U.S. Congress. 

1941 U.S. President Roosevelt signed a resolution that set
a fixed-date, the fourth Thursday of November, for the
Federal Thanksgiving Day holiday. 

1943 The German battlecruiser Scharnhorst was sunk in the
North Sea, during the Battle of North Cape. 

1944 Tennessee Williams' play "The Glass Menagerie" was
first performed publicly at the Civic Theatre in Chicago,

1947 Heavy snow blanketed the Northeast United States,
burying New York City under 25.8 inches of snow in 16
hours. The severe weather was blamed for about 80 deaths. 

1953 "Big Sister" was heard for the last time on CBS
Radio. The show ran for 17 years. 

1956 Fidel Castro attempted a secret landing in Cuba to
overthrow the Batista regime. All but 11 of his supporters
were killed. 

1959 The first charity walk took place, along Icknield
Way, in aid of the World Refugee Fund. 

1974 Comedian Jack Benny died at age 80. 

1982 The Man of the Year in "TIME" magazine was a
computer. It was the first time a non-human received the

1986 Doug Jarvis, age 31, set a National Hockey League
(NHL) record as he skated in his 916th consecutive game.
Jarvis eventually set the individual record for most
consecutive games played with 964. 

1991 The Soviet Union's parliament formally voted the
country out of existence. 

1995 Israel turned dozens of West Bank villages over to
the Palestinian Authority. 

1996 Six-year-old beauty queen JonBenet Ramsey was found
beaten and strangled in the basement of her family's home
in Boulder, CO. 

1998 Iraq announced that it would fire on U.S. and British
warplanes that patrol the skies over northern and southern

1999 Alfonso Portillo, a populist lawyer, won Guatemala's
first peacetime presidential elections in 40 years. 

2000 Michael McDermott, age 42, opened fire at his place
of employment killing seven people. McDermott had no
criminal history. 

2002 The first cloned human baby was born. The
announcement was made the December 27 by Clonaid. 

2004 Under the Indian Ocean, a 9.0 magnitude earthquake
sent 500-mph waves across the Indian Ocean and Bay of
Bengal. The tsunami killed at least 283,000 people in a
dozen countries, including Sri Lanka, Indonesia, Sumatra,
Thailand and India.

2016  smiled.

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Back-up programs 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, December 25

Rudolphians, you have ONE day of saving money 
till Boxing Day! Get your knee and elbow pads ready!

Christians, today is Christmas Day!
Merry Christmas! 

Jews: Hanukkah it stil is. There is still food!

Thank you, Jim!!
Thank you, Joseph!
Thank you, Paul!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Crooks in fatal Homestead bank shootout were brothers
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 25 in 
1818 "Silent Night" was performed for the first time, 
at the Church of St. Nikolaus in Oberndorff, Austria. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Any woman who thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming about 10 inches too high. --- Adrienne E. Gusoff We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us. --- George Eliot (1819 - 1880) "Here's a holiday shopping tip. Here's what I do and it works pretty good. When you're buying your Christmas tree, be sure to bring along a pair of scissors, so when you find the perfect tree, you can just cut that little tag off that says "sold". ---Jay Leno ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married ?" "Yes, sir, once" said the witness in a low voice. "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman! Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man ?" The witness said meekly, "MY mother did." ______________________________________________________ When Paul picked up his Ford Escort at the service station after some minor service, he paid $75 by check as usual. A couple of weeks later, he came home from work to find his wife quite upset. She gave him the silent treatment until he figured out why she was so angry. She had noticed the canceled check and, on the memo line he had written "Escort Service." ______________________________________________________ John was tasked with bringing the Christmas decorations up from the basement and start decorating the house and tree. During one trek up the stairs, heavily laden with boxes, he slipped fell all the way down to the bottom in a great big messy pile. Jill heard the noise and yelled, "What was that thump?" "I just fell down the stairs," he explained. "Anything broken?" asked Jill "No," John groaned, "I'm fine." There was just a slight pause before he heard Jill say, "No, I meant my decorations! Is anything important broken?" ------------- I remember a wife like her. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a DARWIN AWARD has been earned by Edgar Fonseca Morales Giobel Fonseca Canete Homestead, Floriduh Crooks in fatal Homestead bank shootout were brothers The suspects involved in a robbery attempt that turned into a fatal shootout outside a Homestead bank have been identified as two brothers. Edgar Fonseca Morales was killed in Tuesday's shootout at the TD Bank at 2495 Northeast 8th Street, while his brother, Giobel Fonseca Canete, was wounded and is now facing charges, according to a criminal complaint. The complaint said the brothers were sitting in an SUV when a GardaWorld armored truck, carrying a driver and a messenger, arrived just before 4 p.m. to deliver cash. Morales, who was armed with a shotgun, and Canete, who was armed with a handgun, got out of their SUV and confronted the messenger when the shootout ensued, the complaint said. Morales was shot in the chest and the head and was pronounced dead at the scene. Canete was shot in the thigh and fled the scene in the SUV, but was caught a short time later on the Florida Turnpike, the complaint said. The complaint said a witness followed the SUV after the shootout and was able to help police track it down. The messenger was shot in the hip area and was taken to a nearby hospital. Exclusive footage obtained by NBC 6 showed the messenger writhing in pain on the ground in the aftermath of the shootout. Canete was also hospitalized and later told authorities that they attempted the robbery with the help of an employee of the armored truck company, the complaint said. Canete is facing charges in the bank robbery and for using a firearm during a crime. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sabina Re: Back-up program Dear Webby, That Backup from Microslop is totally useless. What the heck were their Taliban programmers smoking? Windoze backup wants to back up onto the same hard drive! Bad dope! And they whine against removable drives. Worse dope! What do you recommend? Dear Sabina PC-Magazine has a really good comparison article. Keep in mind, their reporters have never in their life paid for any software or hardware. They just compare free courtesy samples. That gives you an evaluatin based strictly on performance. Take your pick there. It is a surprisingly good article. They missed one really good one: Laplink. I actually got that, but unfortunately not installed. Been too busy, and was going to do it some day soon. Yes, go ahead, kick me! And again! With Laplink you can "Move" onto a new machine, or "move" onto a DVD. When your hard drive gets sabotaged by a Windoze update, you just format it and "move" back onto it. Btw, when I was at Staples getting a 64 GB camera chip for under $20 for backing some stuff onto, the tech there told me that every month they see about 10 machines, that have been sabotaged by Windoze Updates. For a small town like this, that is an awful lot. Your turn is coming! Don't try using camera chips for your entire mail folder, if you have 20 years worth of mail, that has never been weeded out! The Windoze file system can't handle that. However, they are fast for smaller stuff like your spreadsheets or docs or address files. Those go fast and easy onto camera chips. For larger folders, or the entire machine, get yourself a USB connected external drive. You can usually find 1 TeraByte drives, with case, for under $100. Isn't your data worth that much? Have FUN! DearWebby
An elderly gentleman checked into a New York hotel. The clerk mentioned the phone service the establishment made available for calling guests who wished to rise at an early hour. "No need for that, young man," snapped the old timer. "I always wake up at five A.M. sharp - without an alarm clock." "Very good, sir," the clerk replied, then asked, "Would you mind calling me at six?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Use Less Fabric Softener When using fabric softener in the wash, I use a fraction of the amount suggested on the packaging and add water to make up the difference. The wash comes out just as soft and nicely scented. By Kelly
Santa's bridge
____________________________________________________ A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife." "What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one type?" "Look Around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what were the types. The saleslady replied, "The Catholic type, the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?" Still confused the man asked "What is the difference between them?" The lady responded, "It is all really simple." The Catholic type supports the masses, The Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills." ____________________________________________________
The Christmas story told by kids. MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!
Q: What's the difference between a snowblower and a bagpipe? A: Snowblowers can be tuned.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 25
0800 Charlemagne was crowned first Holy Roman Emperor in
Rome by Pope Leo III. 

1066 William the Conqueror was crowned king of England. 

1223 St. Francis of Assisi assembled one of the first
Nativity scenes, in Greccio, Italy. 

1776 Gen. George Washington and his troops crossed the
Delaware River for a surprise attack against Hessian forces
at Trenton, NJ. 

1818 "Silent Night" was performed for the first time, at the
Church of St. Nikolaus in Oberndorff, Austria. 

1868 U.S. President Andrew Johnson granted an unconditional
pardon to all persons involved in the Southern rebellion
that resulted in the Civil War. 

1896 John Philip Sousa finally titled the melody "The Stars
and Stripes Forever." 

1914 During World War I, British and German troops observed
an unofficial truce and even playing football together on
the Western Front. 

1926 Hirohito became the emperor of Japan after the death of
his father Emperor Taisho. 

1930 The Mt. Van Hoevenberg bobsled run at Lake Placid, New
York opened to the public. It was the first bobsled track of
international specifications to open in the U.S. 

1939 "A Christmas Carol," by Charles Dickens, was read on
CBS radio for the first time. 

1941 Hong Kong surrendered to the Japanese. 

1946 W.C. Fields died at the age of 66. 

1962 The Department of Commerce Census Clock in Washington,
DC, recorded the U.S. population on this day as 188,000,000.

1972 The Nicaraguan capital Managua was hit by an
earthquake. Over 10,000 people were killed. 

1979 The USSR invaded Afghanistan in a bid to halt civil war
and protect USSR interests. 

1989 Ousted Romanian President Nicolae Ceausescu and his
wife, Elena, were executed following a popular uprising. 

1989 Dissident playwright Vaclav Havel was elected president
of Czechoslovakia. 

1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev went on
television to announce his resignation as leader of a
Communist superpower that had already gone out of existence.

2000 Over 300 people were killed and dozens were injured by
fire at a Christmas party in the Chinese city of Luoyang.
The incident occurred at the Dongdu Disco.

2016  smiled.

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Make a computer recoverable 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 24

For believers in Walmartism and Shoppianity,
today is all the shopping time you got left!

Rudolphians, you have ONE day of saving money 
till Boxing Day!

Christians, tomorrow is Christmas Day!
Merry Christmas! 

Jews, TODAY Hanukkah is. Blessed Hanukkah! 
The Matzo balls you pass!

 >From Hermon:
Wanted to send something to show my appreciation for the
humor and ALL the tips.... Sorry about Mr. Gates program
I think everyone who missed the letter should send in a
donation, and you can quote me on that, PLEASE.
               Hermon in Kentucky

Thanks Hermon!!! My Hero!

Thank you, Lillemor!!!

Thank you, Joseph!!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Arkansas man arrested after he shot and murdered a 
3 year old in his gramma's car.
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 24 in 
1818 Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Austria composed the music 
for "Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ First there is a time when we believe everything, then for a little while we believe with discrimination, then we believe nothing whatever, and then we believe everything again - and, moreover, give reasons why we believe. --- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Chinese are getting fed up with high Beam offenders: ______________________________________________________ There was a guy walking in the woods one night. As he walked further he fell off the side of a cliff and just as he fell, he reached and grab a tree branch. He thought for sure he was going to die, but he remember learning as a child: when you're in trouble call on God. So he called up to Heaven, "Lord are you up there?" A few seconds go by and not a word from heaven. The man calls again, "Lord are you up there?" And again the lord did not response. This time the man made a promise to God, "if you are there I will serve you if you help me." The Lord responded and said, "my son do you trust me?" "Yes," replied the man. The Lord ask him again, "my son do you trust me"? "Yes I do", replied the man. God said, "let the branch go." A few seconds of silence go by, and the man yelled, "is there anybody else up there?" ______________________________________________________ A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for ten years!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gary Holmes, 33, Little Rock, Arkansas. Arkansas man arrested after he shot and murdered a 3 year old in his gramma's car. Police say they've captured the man accused of shooting and killing a 3-year-old boy during an apparent road rage case in Little Rock, Arkansas. Gary Holmes, 33, faces capital murder and terroristic act charges in connection with the shooting, Pulaski County Sheriff's Office spokesman Lt. Cody Burk said. Gary Holmes is accused of killing 3-year-old Acen King. The arrest comes almost a week after Acen King was gunned down in the back seat of his grandmother's car. The shooting sparked a community outcry, and police had offered a $40,000 reward for information leading to an arrest and conviction in the case. The boy's grandmother told police the incident began when a man in a car behind her at a stop sign started honking his horn, apparently upset she wasn't moving quickly enough. The grandmother honked her horn, too. Then, police said, the man got out of his black Chevrolet Impala and fired into her car. "One shot was fired, and it went through the vehicle and hit the child," said Lt. Steven McClanahan, Little Rock police spokesman. Not realizing that the boy had been hit, the woman drove to a J.C. Penney about nine miles away. When she went to get him out of the car, she saw that her grandson was wounded, according to a police incident report. "She didn't know he was shot," a bystander told the 911 operator after speaking with the grandmother. One of the callers, describing what happened, to the 911 operator, said the grandmother feverishly performed CPR after the child sustained a neck wound. The boy was transferred to the Arkansas Children's Hospital, where he was pronounced dead. A 1-year-old child was also in the car at the time of the shooting, according to the police report. Police said they believe the grandmother and the slain boy had no relationship with the gunman. Since the killer had gotten out of his car to shoot the baby, he will face first degree murder chrges. BLM (Black Lies & Murder) ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marlene Re: Safeguard the computer Dear Webby, I had looked at the newsletter everyday, even this morning but no updates. after seeing this post, I went back to the newsletter and it was there ! Sorry you had a problem but worried because if they can get you what can I do to prevent. turned off auto updates, maybe that will help. I go into withdrawals without you every day. Marlene Dear Marlene Marlene, use a good back-up program, NOT THE ONE FROM MICROSLOP! I found out today that you can get a 64 GB camera chip at Staples for under $20. Back up onto that every night. Only then are you safe. You probably don`t have more than 64 GB worth of irreplaceable stuff. No point backing up programs, since you would have to download and do a fresh install anyway. Just the data, Ma'am! Have FUN! DearWebby
If a man is in the forest, all alone, and there isn't a woman around for ten miles, is he still wrong? No, not if he keeps his mouth shut.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Use Bowl Scraper When Making Scrambled Egg By gem [155 Posts, 265 Comments] Tired of wasting good eggs to the edges of your frying pan and having a real mess to clean up? Let's face it, scrambled eggs seem to leave a film around the outer edge every time you cook them and I won't go into the detail of having them swim around in the dish water. Well here is how I dealt with the problem and the clean up is a snap. Instead of using a spatula, that doesn't take the eggs off the sides of the pan, I use a rubber bowl scraper. If your heat isn't super high, this will solve all your problems. You can buy usually 3 bowl scrapers in a pack for about a dollar almost anywhere. I have found this technique doesn't hurt the scraper and you will have two added benefits. One is that you use all the egg because the scraper is shaped to follow the edges of the pan. Secondly your cleanup is a snap. So next time you scramble eggs try this little technique and find out how very simple and easy it is.
Santa's bridge
____________________________________________________ A young man wanted to get his beautiful wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cell phone. She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all the features on the phone. The next day she goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her husband. "Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?" She replies, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand though." "What's that, baby?" asks the husband. "How did you know I was at Walmart?" ____________________________________________________
Coin stacking. Someone has a lot of time on his hands.
Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those elves, two of the big reindeer, two of the small reindeer, and one of those bent-over Mrs Santa with the hilarious bloomers." The cashier replied: "That'll be eight dollars for the elves, ten dollars for thebig reindeer, six dollars for the small reindeer, and an apology to my wife!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 24

1814 The War of 1812 between the U.S. and Britain was ended
with the signing of the Treaty of Ghent in Belgium. 

1818 Franz Gruber of Oberndorf, Austria composed the music
for "Silent Night" to words written by Josef Mohr. 

1828 William Burke who, with his partner William Hare, dug
up the dead and murdered to sell the corpses for dissection,
went on trial in Edinburgh. 

1851 A fire devastated the Library of Congress in
Washington, DC, destroying about 35,000 volumes. 

1865 Several veterans of the Confederate Army formed a
private social club in Pulaski, TN, called the Ku Klux Klan.

1906 Reginald A. Fessenden became the first person to
broadcast a music program over radio, from Brant Rock, MA. 

1914 In World War I, the first air raid on Britain was made
when a German airplane dropped a bomb on the grounds of a
rectory in Dover. 

1928 The first broadcast of "The Voice of Firestone" was

1943 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt appointed Gen. Dwight
D. Eisenhower supreme commander of Allied forces as part of
Operation Overlord. 

1944 A German submarine torpedoed the Belgian transport ship
S.S. Leopoldville with 2,235 soldiers aboard. About 800
American soldiers died. The soldiers were crossing the
English Channel to be reinforcements at the battle that
became known as the Battle of the Bulge. 

1948 The first completely solar-heated house became occupied
in Dover, MA. 

1951 Libya achieved independence as the United Kingdom of
Libya, under King Idris. 

1965 A meteorite landed on Leicestershire. It weighed about

1966 Luna 13 landed on the moon. 

1968 Three astronauts, James A. Lovell, William Anders and
Frank Borman, reached the moon. They orbited the moon 10
times before coming back to Earth. Seven months later man
first landed on the moon. 

1979 Soviet troops invaded Afghanistan in support of the
country's Marxist government. 

1985 Fidel Castro, the Cuban president, announced that he
was a non-smoker. 

1989 Ousted Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega took refuge at
the Vatican's diplomatic mission in Panama City. 

1990 Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were married. 

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush pardoned former Defense
Secretary Caspar Weinberger and five others in the Iran-
Contra scandal. 

1997 Ilich Ramirez Sanchez, known as "Carlos the Jackal,"
was sentenced by a French court to life in prison for the
1975 murders of two French investigators and a Lebanese

1998 At Disneyland in Anaheim, CA, a tourist was hit by a
piece of flying metal while waiting to board a ride. The
man's wife and a Disneyland employee were also injured. Luan
Phi Dawson died December 26th from his injuries. 

1999 Ivory Coast President Henri Konan Bédié was overthrown
in a coup. 

1999 An Indian Airlines plane was seized during a flight
from Katmandu, Nepal, to New Delhi. In Afghanistan, the 150
hostages were freed on December 31 after India released
three Kashmir militants from prison. 

2000 36 minutes after the end of a game, both the New
England Patriots and the Miami Dolphins were called back to
the playing field. The teams had to play the final 3 seconds
of the game which the Dolphins had won 27-24. The end result
did not change. 

2000 The "Texas 7," seven convicts that had escaped a Texas
prison, robbed a sports store in Irving, TX. The suspects
killed Officer Aubrey Hawkins, stole $70,000, 25 weapons and
clothing. The men had escaped on December 13.

2016  smiled.

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How to set XP machines to restart automatically after power failure 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, December 17

For believers in Walmartism and Shoppianity,
only 7 days of shopping left!
Rudolphians, you have 9 days of saving money 
till Boxing Day!

Christians, it's 8 days till Christmas. 

Jews, you have 7 days until Hanukkah.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh armed robber gets tenderized by ex-wrestler
Details at Boneheads
Today, December 17 in 
1777 France recognized American independence to annoy
See More of what happened on this day
in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses. --- Isaac Asimov I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses. --- Victor Hugo You can tell the character of every man when you see how he receives praise. --- Seneca the Younger You can tell the character of anybody by how they treat a waitress. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Daniel A Newfie is visiting Texas and starts a conversation with a Texan at a local bar. The Texan asks the Newfie where he's from and the Newfie says, "You know where New York is?" The Texan says, "Yeh, yeh, I know where New York is." The Newfie says, "Well bye, you just drive north of dere about 6 hours, turn right for 3 hours and catch a 6 hour ferry and you're there in Newfoundland." The Texan says "That's got to be close to China!" The Newfie thinks about this and then says, "Lard tunderin' Jaysus bye", I tink you might be right....... I work with a Chinese guy and he goes home for lunch every day! ______________________________________________________ >From Kate As I was walking home this week worrying about all the crap going on in Washington, Ottawa, London, Moscow, Ukraine, the Middle East, etc., and how America is falling apart, I saw a yard sign that said: NEED HELP? CALL JESUS 1-800-005-3787 Out of curiosity and desperation, I did. A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower. ______________________________________________________ After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jason Felix, 35, Coral Springs, Floriduh Floriduh armed robber gets tenderized by ex-wrestler A crook didn’t know what was coming to him when he tried to rob a former pro wrestler at a Valero gas station. Former WWE star Shad Gaspard hasn’t lost his touch after he stopped wrestling professionally. He later went on to become a bodyguard for Sean “P. Diddy” Combs, Britney Spears and Mike Tyson. “When people see me, they normally get intimidated at times,” he told 7News during a phone interview. “I’m not a bad guy. I’m a nice guy.” It wasn’t until a man tried to rob the 6-foot-7, 280-pound former wrestler at a Coral Springs Valero gas station that his instincts kicked in, late Saturday night. The suspect, 35-year-old Jason Felix, found himself in over his head. Surveillance footage shows him wearing a light colored long-sleeve shirt as he tries to get the attention of Gaspard, who is seen wearing a red shirt. Speaking to 7News over the phone, Gaspard, who lives in California but was in South Florida to attend an event, said he had stopped at the gas station’s convenience store to buy some iced tea when Felix asked him to buy a beer. “This guy comes from the back of the store, and he goes, ‘Yo, man, buy me a beer,’ and I’m like, you know, I didn’t know the guy,” he said. “And I’m like, ‘Yo, man, there’s a better way to approach somebody.'” According to a police report, Felix then became upset and approached Gaspard. “And so he started coming at me, and then he lifted up his shirt and showed me he had a gun,” Gaspard said. Felix appeared to be carrying a black semi-automatic gun, but officials later learned that it was an air-powered BB gun. Upon instinct, Gaspard acted quickly and grabbed the gun from Felix’s waistband, and that’s when the brawl ensued. The clerk, Simon Silva, and a female customer were inside the store. “Shad grabbed [the gun], and then it crashed [on the floor], and pieces of it fell to the right of me, like not even a foot away from me,” said the customer. Surveillance video from the front entrance to the convenience store shows the former wrestler grabbing Felix by the neck and shoving him out the door. “He was like, ‘Yo, give me the gun back. Give me right [expletive] now.’ He wasn’t listening so I grabbed him by the back of the neck, and I ran to the door,” said Gaspard. “When I ran to the door, I ran into the door hard as [expletive], trying to knock him out.” Exterior video shows Gaspard tackling Felix near the store’s parking spaces. “When we got outside, I grabbed him in a rear choke, and I threw him off, and I put him on the ground,” said Gaspard. “I put his hands behind his back, put my knee on his wrist, so he couldn’t move them.” Gaspard pinned the suspect until Coral Springs Police arrived on the scene. “We took all the stuff from his pockets. We saw his phone. He had a picture of a little girl on his phone, so he’s the father,” said Gaspard. “I hope he gets right for his daughter, or whoever is in his life.” Felix was then put into police custody and faced a judge Monday morning. During the hearing, it was confirmed that he is the father of three children. “I hope he gets the help he needs. I hope he’s OK,” Gaspard said, “and I hope he never tries a stunt like this again.” Felix was charged with one count of armed robbery and was held on $10,000 bond. He has since posted bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Don Re: Automatic restart of XP machines Dear Webby, I appreciated your note on automatic restart. As you know I operate a small FM radio station here and occasionally we have a power failure that the UPS does not catch for some reason. I would love to have the computer restart. I am using XP Pro but I cannot find the Advanced Settings for some reason. Can you give me any further help on this. Don Dear Don When you start your XP, hit F8 to go into Safe mode. From the list select DO automatically restart after system failure. Then restart. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
A friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a CB radio or cell phone in his car, so he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for assistance. A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location." "I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish." The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?" "I-75, two miles south of Standish." A longer pause. Then an incredulous voice asked, "How fast were you going when you hit the shore?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Muffin Tin Flan By StellaBell [187 Posts, 176 Comments] Flan is a delicious, rich treat and can be made using ingredients most people have on hand. Note: It works to make flan in muffin tins although I found that it wasn't ideal because removal was difficult and the flan didn't turn out as beautiful as it would using a ramekin. That said if you don't care so much about looks and don't have ramekins, the muffin tin works fine. If you are so lucky to have a silicone muffin tin, use it! I think it would work wonderfully. Ingredients: 1 1/2 cup milk 3/4 cup sugar for flan 2 eggs 1 egg yolk 1 tsp vanilla 1 cup sugar for caramel Steps: Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Make caramel: In a heavy bottomed pan, heat 1 1/2 cups of the sugar over high heat. Stir constantly with a wooden spoon. It will take about 5 minutes. You want the sugar to turn a deep brown. Be careful because it can easily burn and will continue to darken even after you turn off the heat. Pour the caramel into the bottom of each muffin tin or ramekin, completely coating the bottom. Be sure to use up or throw out the left over caramel and not leave it in the pan. Once it has cooled it is extremely difficult to remove from the pan. Bring the milk to a simmer on medium, stirring often. In a bowl whisk together the eggs and extra yolk and 3/4 cup of sugar for about 2 minutes until it looks pale. Bring the milk to a simmer on medium, stirring often. In a bowl whisk together the eggs and extra yolk and 3/4 cup of sugar for about 2 minutes until it looks pale. Once the milk is brought up to a simmer, remove it from the heat and stir in the vanilla. Then, slowly pour the milk mixture into the egg mixture, whisking constantly. Remove any froth that may have formed. Then, pour through a mesh strainer. Place the muffin tin or ramekins into a pan that is at least as tall. Then, divide the custard evenly, filling your muffin tins or ramekins. Carefully fill the pan with the hottest tap water or boiling water halfway up the muffin tin or ramekins. Place in the oven and bake for 50 minutes until the surface doesn't jiggle. Remove from the water bath and let cool for about an hour. Then cover and place in the refrigerator for 2 hours and up to 2 days, serving at your leisure. If you used a muffin tin you will have to remove all of the flan from the tin at once. Use a thin knife and run it around the edge of each mold. Place a baking dish larger than the muffin tin on top and hold the muffin tin flush with the bottom of the glassware and flip it over. Let sit for a few minutes. If you find that the flan is not dropping out of the tin, you will need to lift up the tin and gently pop them out into the baking dish using a spoon. To serve, place a flan on a plate and spoon some of the caramel sauce over the top.
Modern version of the Nativity
____________________________________________________ This quiz has been around since I was a kid. Remember the answers? 1. If a plane crashed right on the border of the USA and Canada, where should the survivors be buried? 2. How many species of each animal did Moses take aboard the ark? 3. How many months have 28 days? 4. How far can a bear walk into the woods? 5. What is the value of coin dated 24 B.C.? 6. How many grooves does a 45rpm phonograph record have? 7. A camper leaves her camp, hikes 1 mile south, then 1 mile east where she sees a bear. Then she hikes 1 mile north to arrive at her camp. What color is the bear? 8. If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof , will the egg roll to North side or the South side of the roof? 9. If a south bound electric train is traveling at a rate of 66 miles per hour and the wind is blowing to the north at 35 miles per hour, which way will the smoke blow? 10. On which side of a chicken are the most feathers? ANSWERS: 1. Survivors don't really like being buried. 2. a) No animal belongs to more than one species b) Moses didn't have an Ark, Noah did. 3. All twelve of them. 4. a) One step, then he is IN the woods. b) Half way, then he is walking out of the woods. 5. Nothing, a coin could not be dated BC. 6. One (spiraling) on each side. 7. The camp must be at the north pole, therefore the bear is white. 8. Roosters don't lay eggs, but many chickens do. 9. Electric trains don't blow smoke. 10. Usually the outside. ____________________________________________________
I would love to go fishing here, it's so serene.
In her own eyes, Esther was the most popular girl around. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry." "Really ?" said her date, "And just how many men do you intend to marry?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on December 17
1777 France recognized American independence. 

1791 A traffic regulation in New York City established the
first street to go "One Way." 

1830 South American patriot Simon Bolivar died in Colombia. 

1895 George L. Brownell received a patent for his paper-twine

1903 The first successful gasoline-powered airplane flight
took place near Kitty Hawk, NC. Orville and Wilbur Wright
made the flight. 

1939 The German pocket battleship Graf Spee was scuttled by
its crew, bringing the World War II Battle of the Rio de la
Plata off Uruguay to an end. 

1944 The U.S. Army announced the end of its policy of
excluding Japanese-Americans from the West Coast which
ensured that Japanese-Americans were released from detention

1953 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) decided to
approve RCA’s color television specifications. 

1957 The United States successfully test-fired the Atlas
intercontinental ballistic missile for the first time. 

1969 The U.S. Air Force closed its Project "Blue Book" by
concluding that there was no evidence of extraterrestrial
spaceships behind thousands of UFO sightings. 

1973 Thirty-one people were killed at Rome airport when Arab
guerillas hijacked a German airliner. 

1975 Lynette Fromme was sentenced to life in prison for her
attempt on the life of U.S. President Ford. 

1976 WTCG-TV, Atlanta, GA, changed its call letters to WTBS,
and was uplinked via satellite. The station became the first
commercial TV station to cover the entire U.S. 

1978 OPEC decided to raise oil prices by 14.5% by the end of

1979 Arthur McDuffie, a black insurance executive, was
fatally beaten after a police chase in Miami, FL. Four white
police officers were later acquitted of charges stemming from
McDuffie's death. 

1986 Wayne "Danke Schoen" Newton won a $19.2 million suit
against NBC News. NBC had aired reports claiming a link
between Newton and mob figures. The reports were proven to be

1986 Davina Thompson became the world's first recipient of a
heart, lungs, and liver transplant. 

1986 Eugene Hasefus was pardoned and then released by
Nicaragua. He had been convicted of running guns to the

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush, Canadian Prime Minister
Brian Mulroney and Mexican President Carlos Salinas de
Gortari signed the North American Free Trade Agreement. 

1992 Israel deported over 400 Palestinians to Lebanese
territory in an unprecedented mass expulsion of suspected

1996 Peruvian guerrillas took hundreds of people hostage at
the Japanese embassy in Lima. The siege ended on April 22,
1997, with a commando raid that resulted in the deaths of all
the rebels, two commandos and one hostage. 

1996 The Red Cross pulled all but a few of its western staff
out of Chechnya after six foreign aid workers were killed by
masked gunmen. 

1997 U.S. President Clinton signed the No Electronic Theft
Act. The act removed protection from individuals who claimed
that they took no direct financial gains from stealing
copyrighted works and downloading them from the Internet. 

1998 U.S. House Speaker-designate Bob Livingston admitted
he'd had extramarital affairs. 

2002 U.S. President George W. Bush ordered the Pentagon to
have ready for use within two years a system for protecting
American territory, troops and allies from ballistic missile

2002 McDonald's Corp. warned that they would report its first
quarterly loss in its 47-year history. 

2002 The insurance and finance company Conseco Inc. filed for
Chapter 11 protection. It was the third-largest bankruptcy in
U.S. history. 

2002 Congo's government, opposition parties and rebels signed
a peace agreement that ended four years of civil war. 

2004 U.S. President George W. Bush signed into law the
largest overhaul of U.S. intelligence gathering in 50 years.
The bill aimed to tighten borders and aviation security. It
also created a federal counterterrorism center and a new
intelligence director.

2016  smiled.

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