Dear Webby: Newsletter Delivery Times 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  Feb 28, 2007
======================================

Good ideas are not adopted automatically.
They must be driven into practice with courageous patience.
— Hyman Rickover

The trouble with America is that there are far too many
wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth.
--- Charles Luckman

=======================================

More Light Bulbs

How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?
One-third less than for a regular bulb.

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give
it a surprising twist at the end.

How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb?
Ooooonnnnnnnne.

How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb
itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective
reality in a nether world of endless absurdity reaching out
toward a cosmos of nothingness.

How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?
Change?

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
That's not funny!

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It turn
ed itself in.

How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one, but it sure takes a truckload of light bulbs!

How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb
installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light
bulb?
Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure out what
to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

How many college football players does it take to change a
light bulb?
The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

How does a home schooler change a light bulb?
First, mom checks three books on electricity out of the
library, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a
biography of Thomas Edison and do a skit based on his life.
Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods,
wrapping up with dipping their own candles. Next,
everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types
of light bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much
change they'll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and
pay with a five dollar bill. On the way home, a discussion
develops over the history of money and also Abraham
Lincoln, as his picture is on the five dollar bill.  Finally,
after building a homemade ladder out of branches
dragged from the woods, the light bulb is installed.
And there is light.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Ross for this story:
A man walked into a bar in Louisville, Kentucky and ordered
a drink.  While he was sitting at the bar watching TV, one of
Hillary's political ads came on. After it went off, he stood up
and announced to everyone, "Hillary is a horse's ass!"

The bartender reached under the bar and brought out an oak
club about 18 inches long and hit the man square across the
head, knocking him off his stool and onto the floor.

After a minute or two, the man got up, straightened himself
up and said to the bartender, "I'm sorry. I didn't know this
was Hillary country."
"It's not!" replied the bartender.
"This is horse country".

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Calum McFadyen, 35, from Scarborough, England Airhead February 23, 2007 - Scarborough, UK - Ananova A Scarborough man lost his wedding ring - after he tied it to his son's helium balloon and it floated away. Calum McFadyen, 35, tied the gold ring to the string of four-year-old Henry's balloon to see if he could weigh it down. But as he watched television in the front room he heard Henry open the front door and wave goodbye to the Thomas the Tank Engine balloon as it floated off with the ring still attached. Mr McFadyen, 35, a housing support officer, said: "The ring has not been off my hand in years - I was just messing about with the kids. I guess it could be in France now! "My wife wasn't too impressed and told me it was a stupid thing to do. I tend to agree! "I've been getting a ribbing from the people at work but I deserve it. Now I just want the ring back." Wife Vicky, 36, said: "This could only happen to my husband, he's one of those people!" ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to Trevor for this picture: OOOPS, wrong universe! =========================================== Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can be implanted and play music inside women's breasts. The music is in stereo, of course. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts, and not listening to them. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Ira and Esther Goldberg had a large family of seven healthy children. They moved to America from Europe and were having a difficult time finding an apartment to live in. Many apartments were large enough, but the landlords objected to such a large family. After several days of unsuccessful searching, Ira asked Esther to take the four younger children to visit the cemetery, while he took the older three to find an apartment. After they had looked most of the morning, they found a place that was just right. The landlord asked the usual question: "How many children do you have?" Ira answered with a deep sigh, "Seven...but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery." He got the apartment! ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: Humor Letter delivery times Dear Webby, There are three folks at this address using the same computer and of course the same internet service. The question is why do I receive your Humor letter first via Yahoo while one using gmail and the other using peoplepc receive your Humor letter later? Just curious. Thank You John Dear John New subscriptions are added to the end of the list. If their gmail address is a few thousand lines farther down, then naturally it will arrive later. because of the pictures, it takes a few seconds for each letter. If there are time constraints, for example someone trying to get it before going to work, tell me what the address is, and I'll manually move it to the top. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 23, 2007 - New York, New York - AP Beavers grace New York City's official seal. But the industrious creatures have not been seen in the flesh here for as many as 200 years — until this week. Biologists videotaped a beaver swimming up the Bronx River on Wednesday. Its twig-and-mud lodge had been spotted earlier on the river bank, but the tape confirmed the presence of the animal itself. "It had to happen because beaver populations are expanding, and their habitats are shrinking," said Dietland Muller-Schwarze, a beaver expert at the State University of New York College of Environmental Science and Forestry in Syracuse. "We're probably going to see more of them in the future." Beavers gnawed out a prominent place in the city's early days as a European settlement, attracting fur traders to a nascent Manhattan. The animal appears in the city seal to symbolize a Dutch trading company that factored in the city's colonial beginnings, according to the city's Web site. But amid heavy trapping, beavers disappeared from the city in the early 1800s, according to the city Parks & Recreation Department. The beaver that has made its way to the Bronx appears to be a male, several feet (a meter) long and two or three years old, said Patrick Thomas, the mammals curator at the nearby Bronx Zoo. Biologists have nicknamed the animal "Jose," as a tribute to U.S. Rep. Jose Serrano's work to revive the river.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stubborn Drawers and Doors When dirt and dust builds up on drawer and sliding door runners, they can become squeaky and tough to open and shut. To fix this, rub a bar of soap or a piece of paraffin wax on the runners. This will act as lubrication and allow the runners to slide smoothly. If the runners or sliders are teflon or nylon, clean them with a tough kitchen sponge and clean, hot dishwater. They work best when perfectly clean. If necessary, use windex to remove old wax or soap. Wax or soap should only be used on bare wooden runners. Have FUN! Dear Webby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to the folks from Erie for this story: A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you." The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thank ye ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before." She said, "Don't be flattered... take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit." __________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since you have freed me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes." The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, "I'm feeling a might thirsty, I think I'll be wishing for a pint of stout." POOF! There is a pint of stout in his hand. He drinks it down, and starts to throw the bottle, when the genie says, "I'd look at that bottle again before I threw it if I were you." So he looks at the bottle, and it is magically filling back up with stout. The genie told him, "That is a magic bottle, and it will always fill back up after you finish it." The genie then asked, "What other two wishes can I grant for you?" The Irishman looks at the bottle in his hand and says, "I'll be taking two more of these." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: War maps http://www.mapsofwar.com/images/EMPIRE17.swf
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Red X in email 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  Feb 27, 2007
======================================

Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog;
fewer when pursued by a mad woman;
only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.
--- Robertson Davies

I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible.
--- Oscar Wilde

=======================================

A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first
day of work.

The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile,
gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep
out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate." the young man replied
indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager.
"Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her
constipation. "It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a
week." "I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half- hour in the
morning and again at night." "No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take
anything?" "Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to school principal Anthony Giancola in Tampa, Florida Not a good example! February 23, 2007 - Tampa, Florida - AP Authorities in Tampa said they have charged a school principal with possession of cocaine and soliciting to purchase cocaine on school property after he made a deal to buy drugs in his office. Tampa police said Anthony Giancola was arrested in the lobby of Van Buren Middle School Thursday afternoon after buying drugs from an undercover officer. Authorities said Giancola told the officer that he wanted to purchase $200 worth of crack cocaine, but later decided he only wanted $20 worth of the substance. Students were still on campus when he tried to purchase the drugs. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Some teachers just don't have any sense of humor! =========================================== How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air. Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times. Roman Catholic: None. Candles only. Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad. Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was. Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions,including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish. Share the light, and hospitality. Open hearts, open minds, open doors. The People of the United Methodist Church (TM) Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy. Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change. Amish: What's a light bulb? ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The congregation of a small stone church decided that the stone which formed the step up to the front door had become too worn by its years of use, and would have to be replaced. Unfortunately, there were hardly any funds available for the replacement. Then someone came up with the bright idea that the replacement could be postponed for many years by simply turning the block of stone over. They discovered that their great-grandparents had beaten them to it. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Grandma Buttercup Re: Missing picture Dear Webby A while back you had an article that dealt with the little box with the red x. I keep getting e-mails with this and cannot open the pics. Would you please tell me again how to deal with this? I promise to write it down this time. Thank-you Grandma Buttercup Dear Grandma Buttercup Usually, like in Monday's Humor Letter, that's because the writer messed up. Sorry about that. I fixed it now. The way to deal with that, is to send an email to the writer, and tell the bonehead to smarten up. A picture of a rolling pin by your signature may also be helpful. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 26, 2007 - Spingfield, Missouri - AP A city bus driver is lauded as a hero after he leapt off his bus and snatched a 3-year-old girl from traffic. The bus security cameras show the girl getting off the bus with a cheery ''Bye!'' and walking straight into traffic on a busy street. Chris Leslie, 38, is pictured streaking out the door after her. One view from the bus camera shows a car making a rapid stop directly in front of Leslie and the girl last week. ''As I grabbed her, I looked as I pulled her back and luckily the car in the next lane, a pickup, had stopped,'' he said. ''It was probably the first time in my life I was in the right place at the right time.'' The girl's mother was busy in the bus with another child in a stroller and the toddler didn't heed a command to wait. Leslie said the mother and daughter were still hugging at the bus stop when he pulled away. Leslie's wife, Cara, said she knew something had happened when her husband returned home from work that night. She said he immediately grabbed their 2-year-old daughter, Hannah, and gave her a long hug. ''He was really scared by it all,'' she said. ''It's amazing how quick something like this can happen.'' Members of the board of City Utilities, which runs the buses, discussed Leslie's heroics at their board meeting Thursday. ''It's pretty special,'' said general manager John Twitty. ''He put his own life on the line.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Honey Oatmeal Facial Put 1/2 cup oats and 1/2 cup honey in a blender and mix until it becomes a paste. To use, massage 2 tablespoons of the mixture on your face. Let the mixture sit on your face for a few minutes, then rinse well. It helps remove dead skin and leaves your face feeling refreshed and clean. Store in a jar and refrigerate. Microwave for 10 seconds before using the refrigerated mixture.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Gerry for this story: Seeing my 11-year-old son perusing a website filled with photos of Hilary Duff, I commented, "She certainly is pretty. Which picture do you like best?" "I don't know," he mumbled, embarrassed by his newfound interest in girls. "I'm just reading about her." I came closer and peered at the screen. "Oh, really?" I said. "So when did you learn to read Spanish? __________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right, ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?" Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back, "My recruiter." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Nature pictures http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/index.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: How to Turn Off Auto-Complete for forms 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Feb 26, 2007
======================================

Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered
and the other half are afraid they will be."
--- Lionel Barrymore

Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.
--- Laurence J. Peter

=======================================

When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good
news to anyone who would listen.  But her 4-year-old overheard
some of her parents' private conversations.  One day when Diane
and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little girl
if she was excited about the new baby.

"Oh, yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to
name it. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and
if it's a boy we're going to call it quits!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No
matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my
boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid
reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too
humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a
head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in
the next day. By then, I could think up a dozy to
explain the bandage on my crown.

The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my
wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially
the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I
was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my
wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! the
garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it."

"You know where the button is." I protested through the
shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!"

"I am scared!" She pleaded "What if it starts going and
sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a
second."

So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping to
make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was
not without consequence. I crouched down and stuck my
head under the sink to find the button. It is the last
action I remember performing.

It struck without warning, without respect to my
circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing
me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty,
clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied
between my legs. She had been poised around the corner
and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At
precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt
at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with
her needle-like claws.

Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere
close to their masculine region, they lose all rational
thought to control orderly bodily movements.
Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to contort
inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of
speed. Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand
with his groin supporting the full weight of a kitten
and rectify the situation in a step-by-step manner.
Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or
flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only
the "flight" option.

Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat
feels when it is alarmed. It was a dismal irony. But,
whereas cats seek great heights to escape, I never made
it that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my
ascent; the impact knocked me out cold.

When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics
snorted as they tried to conduct their work while
suppressing their hysterical laughter.

At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation
out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful
to talk. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" If
they had only known.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to two girls in Inverness, Florida Dumba and Dumbette February 23, 2007 - Inverness, Florida - AP Two Inverness girls are accused of locking a friend in a bedroom and putting itching powder on her face during a sleepover. Now the girls, ages 13 and 15, face false imprisonment charges, as well as other misdemeanor charges that have not been released because the two are juveniles. Citrus County police said the girls invited their friend to sleep over Sunday, but they were seeking revenge because they suspected her of cheating on her boyfriend, something the girls didn't agree with. Police reports said they locked their friend in a bedroom, made her partially undress in a bathroom and put some itching powder on her face. They also videotaped it all and posted it on the social networking site MySpace. The victim did not require medical attention. Her mother called police after the sleepover. The two girls were released to the custody of their parents and are under house arrest. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this picture: =========================================== Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when the decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush. About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighborhood bar for a couple of beers. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti! How about you, how's that toilet brush?" "Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to usin' paper." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The lawyer cabled his client overseas: "Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Shall we order embalming, burial or cremation?" Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order all three." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lucille Re: Stop password autocomplete Dear Webby I think you may have answered this question recently. I couldn't find archives on your page, so I'll have to ask it again. When I go into a paid web site, they ask for my user name and pass word. Once I've supplied this information, my computer asks if I would like to save the info, or it tells me that it is different then what I've already saved. How do I convince Windows to leave me alone? By the way, I meant to thank you for previous info about Dragon Dictate and Sony. www.esupport.sony.com appears to offer good support for their products, too. I was able to download a manuel for my IC recorder. lu Dear Lucille The archive is at http://webby.com/humor/blog . However, frequently I get newer and better information as time goes on. Yes, I agree, that auto-complete for forms is a real nuisance. To turn off the autocomplete and save prompts: 1. Click the 'Tools' menu at the top of your browser, and select 'Internet Options.' 2. Open the 'Content' tab at the top of the dialogue box. 3. Click the 'AutoComplete...' button, uncheck the 'User names and passwords on forms' and uncheck 'Prompt me to save passwords' boxes. 4. Click 'OK.' Unless you want to totally disable all password management, I would highly recommend RoboForm. I have relied on it for so long, I would be totally lost without it. I finally got around to putting a link to it in the side menu. It's a free and zero fuss download. If you have for example half a dozen different PayPal accounts for different departments, RoboForm doesn't just automatically log you into the first one, like Windows does. It offers you a list of your PayPal accounts and lets you select which one you want. Select one, then hit "Fill and Submit" and you are logged into the correct one. The same with Google. If you are subscribed to a bunch of different discussion groups, RoboForm shows you your list of Google accounts and lets you select the right one. Whatever site you go to, RoboForm shows you just the accounts that you have at that site. You can also easily edit each account or delete obsolete ones. If you don't see the side menu, click here to get RoboForm Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 23, 2007 - Nashville, Tennessee - AP A rare, 184-year-old copy of the Declaration of Independence found by a bargain hunter at a Nashville thrift shop is being valued by experts at about 100,000 times the $2.48 purchase price. Michael Sparks, a music equipment technician, is selling the document in an auction March 22nd at Raynors' Historical Collectible Auctions in Burlington, North Carolina. The opening bid is $125,000 and appraisers have estimated it could sell for nearly twice that. Sparks found his bargain last March while browsing at Music City Thrift Shop in Nashville. When he asked the price on a yellowed, shellacked, rolled-up document, the clerk marked it at $2.48. It turned out to be an "official copy" of the Declaration of Independence - one of 200 commissioned by John Quincy Adams in 1820. He didn't know he had such a valuable piece until doing some online research and then having appraisers at Raynors' offer an opinion.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing a Broken Bulb When a light bulb breaks when it is still in the socket, it can be difficult to remove the remainder of the bulb. The sharp glass is nearly impossible to grip without cutting yourself or breaking off more of the bulb. Turn off the light and try a bar of soap or wadded up newspaper to remove it.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, "My son is a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone says Father." The second one chirps up, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, everyone says 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic lady says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Your eminence'." The fourth Catholic lady sips her coffee in silence. The first three ladies all ask, Well...?" She replies, "My son is a 6' 2", hard-bodied stripper, and hung like a rhino. When he walks into in a room, all the women say, "Oh, my God....." __________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Thanks to Martin for this story: Priceless, even though it's a classic TAIL GATING: A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. "I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' License plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday- School' bumper Sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, Naturally... I had to assume you had stolen the car." ========================================
Thanks to Sandie for this Bonus Link: Connection speed test http://speedtest.net/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Der Webby: Regain control of computer 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Feb 25, 2007
======================================

You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.
--- Margaret Thatcher

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
--- M. Kathleen Casey

In America, we tax work, investment, employment, savings,
and production, while we subsidize non-work, consumption,
and debt. It's time we reverse this trend.
--- Jack Kemp

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:
A Kentucky couple, both certified rednecks, had nine children.
They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband
"fixed."

The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked
them what  finally made them make the decision
-- why after nine children, would they choose to do this.

The husband replied that they had read in a recent article
that one out of every ten children being born in the United
States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance
on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could
speak Spanish.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. At
the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have
it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport.

The rabbi asked, "Are they trying to convert you at South
Bend?"

The youngster said, "Of course not, Father!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Slavomir Milnovic, 25, from Mramor, Serbia Sore Loser February 23, 2007 - Serbia - Ananova A Serbian football (soccer) player ploughed up his club's pitch with a tractor in revenge for being dropped from the team. Midfielder Slavomir Milnovic, 25, was furious when he found he'd been dropped from local amateur side FC Mramor, near Nis in southern Serbia. He took a tractor from his family's farm and churned up the pitch so no one else could play. Milnovic was arrested and charged with damaging private property after people living nearby heard the tractor and called police. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Re yesterday's pictures: Thanks to the hundreds of people who wrote to tell me that the pictures were not about a snow fall in New York state, but a snow drift in Labrador, Newfoundland in 2004. New York may have had a bigger snowfall, but the Newfies had a photographer brave enough to go out into the snow. Labrador Highway ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Somebody seems to be in a hurry to get wet! =========================================== Sheryl told her doctor that she wasn't able to do all the things around the house that she used to do. When the examination was complete, she said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what's wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just plain fat and lazy." "Okay," Sheryl said, "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my husband." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the woman left her glasses on the table, but she didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. He called his wife every bad name he could think of. When they finally arrived at the restaurant, as the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the man yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat, too." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wendy Re: Owned Hi Webby I enjoy and look forward to your e mail every day. I send out quite a few of your things to my friends who get a kick out of them. I read your tech support everyday, but don't understand most of it. Today I need your help. I keep getting pop ups in the bottom right hand toolbar saying System performance monitor: Warning, and PSW.x-Vir Trojan. Pop ups also say there is a critical system warning - spyware.cyberlog-x, Win 32.MT.Rs virus-trojan, and system Alert Trojan-Spy.Win32@mx. I have checked with McAfee and they this is spyware and do not handle this. I have run Ad Aware, and Spy Bot but they are not getting rid of them. Also when I run the Comcast spyware it comes up Limewire and Nuvens which it can't delete. Are these truly spyware on my machine and if so how do I get rid of them if the spyware removal kits I have aren't working? Also, is my computer being compromised as far as secure sites like my online banking? Thanks so much for any help. Wendy, in NJ Dear Wendy Yes, the machine, that you think is yours, is treated by others as if it was theirs. When you signed up with Limewire and similar stuff, you voluntarily agreed to let them have control of your machine. It looks like the machine, that you think is yours, is infected with more bad stuff than the average technician can get rid off, especially since one or more of the programs, that you signed over control to, has crippled your McAfee. McAfee and Spybot-Search&Destroy are not allowed to get rid of stuff that you voluntarily signed control over to as payment for music or movies. Basically, you made one or more deals, and agreed that in exchange for a few pieces of music, they can have control of your computer and use it any way they want. That was the payment you agreed to pay, somewhere on page 27 of the small print agreement that you just clicked on but didn't really read. You sold the soul of your computer to the devil. Burn your music and pictures and spreadsheets and docs onto CDs, but not any files, that hang around with them. Write down any log-on information and mail program settings. Then format the machine and re-install Windows and all your programs. You might want to consider getting a local computer fixer to do that for you, but insist on a complete and full format, not just a quick format. After that, the computer will be yours again. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 22, 2007 - Stockbridge, Georgia - Henry Daily Herald Rhiannon Barnes is a shy 15-month-old. She doesn’t speak much except to her pet German Shepherd Callie or to say hello or thank you to everyone else. And like others her age, she enjoys playing with uncomplicated objects like boxes, balls, and books. Still, there is something about this blue-eyed toddler. She is either prophetic or lucky, says her mother. Two weeks ago, Rhiannon discovered about $1,300 in cash between the pages of a used book her baby-sitter Sheila Laughridge purchased for 25 cents at the Goodwill Store in Stockbridge. “I was just bored that day, and we rode up there,” said Laughridge, whom Rhiannon affectionately calls Nanna. “We started walking around (the store), and she saw the book and started to pitch a fit.” She said she only decided to buy the book because of Rhiannon’s insistence to have it. It is an old white hardback book, distinguished only by a sailboat on the cover. “It’s not even a readable book,” Laughridge said, adding that Rhiannon held the book the entire day. And later as Rhiannon flipped through the pages, the toddler found a small brown paper bag tucked inside the folds of the book. “It kind of scared me, because I didn’t have any idea what it was,” Laughridge said. But the bag’s contents included much more good fortune than bad. She found several torn and tattered dollar bills — $100s, $50s, $20s, and $10s. She took the money, dated as far back as to the 1960s, to a local bank and attempted to run the serial numbers but says she could not trace where the money originated. Laughridge, who bought the book, received about $300 cash back from only the tattered bills she took to the bank. She said the rest of the $1,300 were in pieces and will be sent to the U.S. Treasury Department. “I was shocked,” said Shirley Barnes, upon finding out her daughter Rhiannon’s discovery. “I thought it was really interesting. I don’t often take her to the store to do that. She points and screams for things she wants, but she’s generally pretty quiet.” Barnes added, half-joking: “What I want to do is put pieces of paper with number on them out on the table and have her pick them so that maybe we can win the lottery.”
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Getting All The Juice To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, limes and oranges, first bring them to room temperature. Then roll them between your hands or on the counter until they get soft. Then squeeze as normal. You can also try microwaving the fruit for 30 seconds if you are short on time.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer. The bartender informed him that he was not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested to the drunk to prove he wasn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor. As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy on the floor doing push-ups. He looks at him for a minute and then nudges him in the ribs withhis boot, and said, "Fella, I think your girl friend has gone home." __________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== The kindergartners were now in first grade. Their teacher wanted them to be more grown up since they were no longer in kindergarten. She told them to use grown up words instead of baby words. She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer. The first little one said he went to see his Nana. The teacher said, "No, no, you went to see your Grandmother. Use the grown up word." The next little one said she went for a trip on a choo- choo. The teacher again said, "No, no, you went on a trip on a train. That's the grown up word." Then the teacher asked the third little one what he did during the summer. He proudly stated that he read a book. The teacher asked what book he had read. He puffed out his chest and in his deepest possible voice proclaimed: "Winnie da Crap." ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby: Flash Player 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  Feb 24, 2007
======================================

What leads to unhappiness is making pleasure the chief aim.
--- William Shenstone

=======================================

Thanks to Bill for this classic:
$1.99 Breakfast
A husband and wife went to breakfast at a restaurant where
the "Seniors' Special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns
and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," the wife said.
"But I don't want the eggs."
"Then I'll have to charge you $2.49 because
you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the
eggs?" the wife asked incredulously.
"YES!!" ----
"I'll take the special."
"How do you want your eggs?"
"Raw and in the shell," the wife replied.
She took the two eggs home.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS. They've been around the
block more than once!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

If Biblical Headlines were written by today's liberal media
-------------------------------------------

On Red Sea crossing:
WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE
Pursuing Environmentalists Killed

On David vs. Goliath:
HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION
Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock

On Elijah on Mt. Carmel:
FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY
400 Killed

On the birth of Christ:
HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS
Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple

On feeding the 5,000:
PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH
Disciples Mystified Over Behavior

On healing the 10 lepers:
LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED
"Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy

On healing of the Gadarene demoniac:
MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE
Local Farmer's Investment Lost

On raising Lazarus from the dead:
FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK
Will Reading to be Delayed

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Pro golfer Fuzzy Zoeller "Methinks Thou Protests too much"> February 22, 2007 - Miami, Florida - AP Pro golfer Fuzzy Zoeller is trying to track down the author who posted what he describes as a defamatory paragraph about him on the Internet reference site Wikipedia. An attorney for Zoeller filed a lawsuit against a Miami firm last week because the law won't allow him to sue Wikipedia, which is based in St. Petersburg. The suit alleges someone used a computer at the Miami consulting firm of Josef Silny and Associates to add defamatory information to Zoeller's Wikipedia profile. Wikipedia describes itself as the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit. Wikipedia leaves it to a vast user community to catch and correct factual errors and other problems. The paragraph in question has been removed, but the information has been picked up by other Web sites. The lawsuit said the Wikipedia information alleged that Zoeller abused drugs and alcohol and he does not want that kind of information out in the public. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to Bill R for these pictures from Oswego New York Route 11 last weekend. "Global Warming" has fizzled. It's back to the oldfashioned "Ice Age Is Coming!" fear mongering. Apply for fresh Government grants before anybody checks the Farmers Almanac! =========================================== A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. "How are you grandpa? he asks. "Feeling fine," says the old man. "What's the food like?" "Terrific, wonderful menus." "And the nursing?" "Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you." "What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?" "No problem at all -- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light." The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the nurse in charge. "What are you people doing?" he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?" "Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A young man volunteered to baby-sit one night so his mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football. One child kept creeping down the stairs but the young man kept sending him back. At 9pm, the doorbell rang, it was the next-door neighbour Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there. The young man brusquely replied, "No". Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted, "I'm here Mom but he won't let me go home." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: Adobe Flash Player Dear Webby; Recently all the video sights I have been to have insisted that I need to update my Adobe Flash Player. When I go to do this, it immediately says it was successfully installed. The problem is, that is has not installed. I can't find the program anywhere, and the video I want to view still insists that I need to update my flash player. I have been to the download site and copied instructions for troubleshooting. I have followed these steps. Still no update. What do I do now? Thank you Bonnie Dear Bonnie Uninstall the old flash player from ControlPanel, Add/Remove software. Then download and install the current player. That usually does the trick. By the way, even though Adobe bought Macromedia and now claims the Macromedia Flash Player should be called Adobe Flash Player, Windows still calls it by the old name: Macromedia Flash Player. Skip the "A"s and scroll down to the "M"s. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 23, 2007 - Seminole, Florida - AP A 16-year-old high school student stumbled upon what archaeologists say could be the biggest fossil find in Pinellas County in nearly a century. A shiny black rock caught Sierra Sarti-Sweeney's eye as she was taking pictures last month in Boca Ciega Millennium Park. "I looked down and saw a huge bone that could not be a rock. Most of it was exposed, but we dug and found that it was bigger and bigger. I thought, 'Oh my gosh, what are these? Are they people bones?'" she said. The jaw and tooth weigh 65 pounds and are about a yard long. Sarti-Sweeney took the bones home and, after some online research with her older brother, determined the football-sized rock was actually the tooth of a long-extinct mammoth. Paleontology and archaeology experts have confirmed the find, and recent digging at the site has turned up teeth and bones from a second mammoth, giant sloths, camels, turtles with shells up to 6-feet-long, saber-toothed cats and giant armadillos the size of Volkswagen Beetles. Scientists believe the remains are between 10,000 and 100,000 years old. "It's possible that it's an old river valley, (and) the animals got caught in the muck or the river washed all these animals down into one place at one time," he said. "We can get a better handle on it by analyzing the soil," said Richard Estabrook, director of USF's Florida Public Archaeology Network. ---------------------------- Thanks to global warming there are currently no Volkswagen Beetle size armadillos crossing the road in front of you during rush-hour. Could be messy, especially if that caused you to drop your cellphone into your coffee!
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing a Bandage You can reduce the pain of removing an adhesive bandage by applying baby oil to the adhesive portion of the bandage. Let the baby oil soak for 5 to 10 minutes before trying to remove. It will be easier to remove and much less painful than just yanking it off. If you can't get to the "adhesive portion of the bandage" without pulling it off first, spraying some WD40 penetrating oil on it, weakens the adhesive. WD40 also helps to remove adhesive outlines left on the skin with a lot less scrubbing than soap and water require. Have FUN! Dear Webby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Dora for this: My grandfather came to America to gain freedom, but it didn't work. My grandmother came over on the very next boat. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers __________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== There is a story about a monastery in Cyprus, perched high on a cliff several hundred feet up. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously, the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice, he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Coral Castle http://snipurl.com/1b6mu
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: No-Count Clicks 


Good Morning,   !
Friday,  Feb 23, 2007
Wear something red to show your support of the troops!
======================================

No one can really pull you up very high--
you lose your grip on the rope.
But on your own two feet you can climb mountains.
--- Louis Brandeis

=======================================

Bambi, a young cutie sidled up to a guest at
the party.  She had heard him addressed as doctor
and now she said diffidently, "doctor, may I ask
a question?"

"Certainly," he said.

"Lately," said Bambi, "I have been having a funny
pain right here over the heart..."

The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, "I'm
terribly sorry, Bambi, but the truth is, I'm a doctor
of philosophy."

"Oh," said Bambi, "I'm sorry!"  She turned away,
but then overcome with curiosity, she turned back.
"Just one more question, doctor.  Tell me, what kind
of disease is philosophy?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

 A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in
 front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large
 and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about
 2" in diameter.

 He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.
 So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
 jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open
 areas between the rocks.

 He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it
 was.

 The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of
 course, the sand filled up everything else.

 He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with
 an unanimous -- yes.

 The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and
 proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar -- effectively filling
 the empty space between the sand.

 The students laughed.

 "Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
 recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the
 important things - your family, your partner, your health, your
 children--things that if everything else was lost and only they
 remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other
 things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is
 everything else. The small stuff."

 "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "there is no
 room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you
 spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room
 for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that
 are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get
 medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time
 to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.
 "Take care of the rocks first -- the things that really matter. Set your
 priorities. The rest is just sand."

 One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer
 represented.

 The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that
 no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple
 of beers."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Spasoje Radulovic and Dragan Vukanic of Belgrade. Serbia CLM: Career Limitng Moves February 22, 2007 - Belgrade, Serbia - Ananova An operation in a Belgrade hospital was disrupted when two surgeons started fighting in the operating theatre. The surgeons stormed out of the room and carried on fighting outside, reports the daily Politika newspaper. Surgeon Spasoje Radulovic was operating when his colleague Dragan Vukanic entered and made a remark that started a quarrel, said the anaesthesiologist on duty. "At one moment Vukanic pulled the ear of the operating doctor, slapped him in the face and walked out," she said. Radulovic followed and an all-out fight ensued, resulting in bruises, a split lip, loose teeth and a fractured finger. The operation was completed successfully by the attending assistant doctor. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Too beautiful to not share it immediately! Thanks to my dad for this picture: "These Mammilaria lasiacanthae bloomed today. The berries are from last year's flowers and almost ready to take off." If you want the picture full size, tell me the resolution of your monitor and I will send it to you. Max size is 3000x2250 Here is a snippet of how it looks in the 3000x2250 size: =========================================== Chanowski and his drinking buddy are sitting at a bar . See those guys over there ? Chanowski says." I'm going over there and ask them what they think of Polaks." Chanowki walks up to the two guys sitting at the other end of the bar and asks them what they think of Polaks. One of the men gives Chanowski the finger. The middle finger. Chanowski then walks back to his drinking buddy. " Well , what do they think of Polaks? '' he asks. "We're still number one , " replies Chanowski. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Wife: I want to know if I have grounds for a divorce. Lawyer: Are you married? Wife: Yes, of course. Lawyer: Then you have grounds. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Leon Re: Mammogram clicks Dear Webby I used to click on BOTH the mammogram site and the free food for the needy site BUT as of a year ago from last October, BOTH sites NO LONGER ACCEPT clicks from WebTV systems. "Believe & succeed; doubt & it won't come about!" 'Leon' Dear Leon The mammograms and the food is paid for by the advertisers whose buttons you see when you go there. They are not making a profit with those buttons, but they would like to see a few token purchases resulting from them. I don't blame them one bit. It greatly cheers me every time somebody buys an e-book or something that I advertise, and I get a small commission. It doesn't pay the server bill or my time, but I see it as a token of appreciation. Those companies feel the same way. If they see in their stats that nobody from a certain group has bought anything from them all year, then they can specify that those "No-Counts" don't count when it comes to paying for food or mammograms. They don't usually put it quite that bluntly, and some even politely blame it on some vague software problem, but that is the reason why those "software problems" won't get taken care of. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 21, 2007 - Lac du Bonnet, Manitoba - Canadian Press RCMP from Lac du Bonnet rescued a deer from a coffee can last Saturday. The two officers were on a snowmobile patrol near Pinawa when they were flagged down by a group of snowmobilers, who directed them to a two-year-old deer struggling with a coffee can stuck on its face. The animal was banging into trees and in obvious distress. The officers eventually wrestled the deer to the ground and removed the can, allowing the deer to scamper away. Although this story ended on a positive note for the deer, it reminds us that garbage left behind can pose a threat to wildlife.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Labeling Leftovers When you bring leftover food home from a restaurant, write the date on the outside of the box (or bag) with a large pen. Write on the side of the box (or bag) so you can easily see the date when you look in the fridge. This works as a reminder that you need to eat the leftovers.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Judy finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto." Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays... "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house,and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help, and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Judy is confronted by the voice of God Himself. "Sweetheart, work with Me on this. Buy a ticket ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A young woman visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and the doctor walked in. Coming to an abrupt halt, he looked his patient up and down carefully. "Miss Jones," he said, "it seems quite obvious that until today you have never had an eye exam." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Lippizaner horses http://tinyurl.com/2j3wnp
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: Browser Zoom 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Feb 22, 2007
======================================

If you take risks, you may still fail. But if you do not take risks,
you will surely fail. The greatest risk of all is to do nothing.
--- Roberto C. Goizueta

=======================================

A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon
a group of a few boys about 10 years of age, surrounding a
dog. Concerned that the boys were hurting the animal, he
went over and asked them what they were doing.


One of the boys replied, "This dog is an old neighborhood
stray.  We take him home with us sometimes, but only one of
us can take him home. So we're having a contest: whichever
one of us tells the biggest lie can take him home today."


Of course, the Reverend was shocked. "You boys shouldn't be
having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched
into a 10-minute sermon against lying, beginning, "Don't you
boys know it's a sin to lie?" and ending with, "Why, when I
was your age, I never told a lie."


There was complete silence for about a minute. As the
Reverend smiled with satisfaction that he'd gotten through to
them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh.  "All right," he said,
"the rev can have the dog today."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a
drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at
noon," answers the clerk.

About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy,
sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?"

He asks.

"Same time as before... Noon," Replies the clerk.

Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered.

"Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"

The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you

can't wait, I can have room service send something up
to you."

"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a surgeon in Changsha City, China OOOPS, wrong leg February 19, 2007 - Changsha City, China - Ananova Surgeons trying to correct the limp of a five-year-old boy in China has apologized after lengthening the wrong leg. They say the mistake was down to the boy being anaesthetized on his back but then operated on while lying on his stomach. Xiangya Second Hospital in Changsha City operated on Miao Mingming whose right leg is shorter than his left. "The doctor suggested surgery to extend the withered tendon, and we agreed. But when Mingming came out of the operating room, I found his left leg was in the cast," complained his father. The hospital has admitted its mistake and promised to take full responsibility, reports Xinhua News. Now Mingming has to undergo two more operations, one to extend the right leg, the other to shorten the extended left leg. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to my dad for this picture: Reflections in train windows =========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this story: When a little pepper tequila goes a long way. A guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be a few thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the jar?" "Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money and the keys to a brand new Corvette Z06." The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?" "Pay first, those are the rules," says the bartender. So the man gives him the $10 and the bartender drops it into the jar. "OK," the bartender says, "Here's what you need to do: First - you have to drink that entire litre of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once ... and you can't make a face while doing it." "Second, there's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands." "Third - there's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never had an orgasm. You've gotta make things right for her." The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila, and then do those other things..." "Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is." As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he asks, "Where ez zat tequila?" He grabs the litre with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears stream down both cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained up and soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside. They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pit bull yelping and then... silence. Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all over his body. "Now," he says... "Where's the old woman with the sore tooth?" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Our neighbour used the word hypochondriac to describe the phase her teen-age daughter was going though. One day the girl was convinced that the pain on her left side was appendicitis. Her mother explained that the appendix is on the right. "So that's why it hurts to much," her daughter said. "My appendix is on the wrong side." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Daniel Re: Zoom Dear Webby good morning my friend, i know there is a way to zoom in on an object on your screen to get a better look at it, but i forgot how to do it.can you help? daniel, Dear Daniel You can use the Windows Magnifier in Programs, Accessories, Accessibility. Before you use it, save your desktop, because most likely the magnifier will re-arrange some of your icons. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 21, 2007 - Germany - Ananova A German man returned from a weekend away to find his flat had been broken into and completely refurbished. Astonished Gunther Hagler, 45, called the police after arriving home to find his flat in Frankfurt had been renovated. Even his fridge had been replaced, the walls given a fresh coat of paint, windows cleaned and new furniture installed. Yet nothing had been stolen, even the food from the old fridge had been placed in the new one. Police solved the mystery when they called the landlord to find if anyone else had a key, and discovered he had ordered a complete renovation of the flat next door - but handed over the wrong key.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Glass Cleaner Combine 1/2 teaspoon liquid dishwashing soap, 1/4 cup vinegar, and 2 cups water in a spray bottle and shake to mix. Be sure to write "Window Cleaner" on the bottle so you remember what it is. To use, spray on windows and wipe off with crumpled newspaper.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Tom had proposed to young Maureen and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. "Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor. "Yes, sir," replied Tom, "I am." "Well," said Maureen's father, "think carefully now. There are six of us." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the doctor. "My local General Practitioner." "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of useless advice did he give you?" "He told me to come and see you." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Teddybear History http://tinyurl.com/25kssl
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Camera Batteries 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  Feb 21, 2007
======================================

There's no substitute for hard work. If you work hard and prepare
yourself, you might get beat, but you'll never lose."
--- Nancy Lieberman-Cline

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:
People frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days
interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went
into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, and when I came
out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and
said, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "Nazi."

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn
tires.

So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo."  He finished the second
ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started
writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I
abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that
he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said "Hillary in
'08."

I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important
to my health.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Martin for this story:

A cocky Department of Agriculture representative stopped at a
 farm and talked with the old farmer; "I need to inspect your farm."
 The old farmer said, "You better not go in that field."
 The Agriculture representative said in a "wise" tone, "I have
 the authority of the U. S. Government with me. See this card, I am
 allowed to go wherever I wish on agricultural land."

 So the old farmer went about his farm chores.

Later, the farmer  heard loud screams and saw the Department of
Agriculture rep running for  the fence; close behind was the farmer's
prize bull. The bull was  madder than a nest full of hornets, and the
bull was gaining at every step.

 "Help," the rep shouted to the farmer, "what should I do?" he
 screamed helplessly.

 The old farmer, hooking his thumbs in his overalls, called out:

 "Show him your card!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to February 6, 2007 - Buffalo, New York - Canadian Press A Canadian man was rescued from the Niagara River after trying to cross into the United States in the middle of the night in a rubber raft, telling U.S. authorities it was all so he could pay a credit card bill in person. Wayne Kingwell, 40, of Fort Erie, Ont., was pulled to safety by state police and firefighters Monday on the U.S. side of the river near Grand Island. Kingwell told authorities he set out in his raft around 2 a.m. with the intention of paying off a credit card bill in Buffalo. He said he was looking at an $85 fee if he mailed the payment from Canada. Officials say Kingwell also told them he can't drive across the nearby Peace Bridge connecting Ontario and New York because of a past legal dispute with the Canadian government. Kingwell was taken to a local hospital to be treated for hypothermia. Later, he was taken into custody by the U.S. Border Patrol and now faces a charge of illegally trying to enter the United States. ---------------------------------- Past legal disputes, like for example a DUI conviction, will make entering the US difficult or impossible. Some people found out the hard way about that when they had to change planes in the US on their way to a vacation in Mexico or further South. When changing planes involves going through security, passports are scanned and run though the database. If there is a past DUI or dope conviction, dad and the herd of kids are sent on to Mexico, mom is deported back to Canada and has to pay for a no-discount flight. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to Jeanine for this picture: My wolf dog, Dakota Star and I are singing/howling Jeanine =========================================== Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda..."The Apostles were in one Accord." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== That reminds me of this story: A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the bible a little, and get your hair cut; then we'll talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if he could use the car. His father said, "Son, I'm really proud of you. You brought your grades up, studied the bible well, but you didn't get your hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Camera Batteries Dear Webby I really enjoy your humor. It is so nice to read good clean jokes & nice pics. I have a question about camera batteries. I have an inexpensive Kodak digital camera & use rechageable batteries in it. Later this year I plan to fly to Calif. I will of course be taking the camera. I plan to pack it in my checked baggage. What I am curious about is it better to take the batteries out of the camera before packing? Also should I do the same w/ the memory card. Thanks for your help. Sharon Dear Sharon The planes they use nowadays are much faster than the stage coach and your flight to California is not going to take much longer than your usual trips to the mall. Don't worry about the batteries or the memory chip. If you take along a bag full of spare batteries, definitely put them into the checked luggage, along with everything else that might look suspicious on the X-ray. Anything that has an ON/OFF switch shold be securely taped in the OFF position. Luggage is NOT handled gently, and all the stories about electric devices miraculously turning themselves on and causing a lot of embarrassment are not jokes. If there is ANY sound coming from your suitcase, you have to unpack it while surrounded by security guards with explosive shields and drawn guns pointed at you. It even happened to my nephew, when rough luggage handling in Vancouver turned his battery powered razor on. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 2007 - Cosmorama, Brazil - AP A 66-year-old Brazilian saved his grandson from the grip of a 16-foot-long anaconda by beating the snake with rocks and a knife for half an hour, police said Thursday. ''When I saw the snake wrapped around my grandson's neck I thought it was going to kill him,'' Joaquim Pereira told the Agencia Estado news service. ''It was agonizing, I pulled it from one side, but it would come back on the other.'' Pereira's 8-year-old grandson, Mateus, was attacked by the anaconda near a creek on his grandfather's ranch in the city of Cosmorama, about 250 miles northwest of Sao Paulo. While the boy was playing with friends, the snake attacked and wrapped itself around him, police officer Hudson Augusto said. Anacondas are not poisonous, but kill their prey by coiling around them and squeezing until victims suffocate. ''It brought me to the ground and bit me,'' the boy told Globo TV, which showed footage of the dead snake. ''Then it started crawling up my neck and began suffocating me.'' Mateus' friends ran to get his grandfather, who reached the scene and battled with the snake until it released his grandson. The boy was rushed to a hospital and needed 21 stitches on his chest where he was bitten. Police said anacondas are not uncommon in the region, but attacks on people are rare.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mineral Deposits in a Clothes Iron When the vents in your iron get clogged with mineral deposits, it will not function properly. If you use distilled water when you iron the deposits will no longer be a problem. To remove mineral deposits, put equal parts of vinegar and water in your iron and turn it on the highest setting. Let the steam work it's way through the iron until the clogs have cleared. That trick works with coffee makers too. Regular white vinegar seems to work best. DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Our Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric wing of the hospital. When a new baby was brought into the nursery, all the women tried to guess its weight, but the guy standing next to me was the only male to venture a number. "Looks like 9 pounds," he offered confidently. "This must not be your first," I said. "Oh, yes," he said. "It's my first." "Then how would you know the weight of a baby?" I asked. He shrugged. "I'm a fisherman." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== He was on the bus where he normally gets his lunch stolen when he brought out a bottle that had what looked like small brown balls in it. He then, making sure no one was looking, secretly took from his pocket some milk duds and started popping them in his mouth, as obvious to the rest of the kids as possible, making yum yum noises. The bully, without asking, snatched the jar from Ken's hand and asked, "What's in the bottle that you are making such a big deal of?" "Well, they're smart pills." "Smart pills?" the bully asked, then opened the jar and popped a couple of the foreign brown balls in his mouth. "Pweeuuweppblahhh!!" he reacted. "What is this stuff? It tastes like rabbit turds!!" "See, you're getting smarter already." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Major League BB http://mlb.mlb.com/index.jsp
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Write enabling a CD burner 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  Feb 20, 2007
======================================

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.
--- Arthur Rubinstein

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster
than your mind.
--- Evan Esar

=======================================

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he
notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little
ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the
middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a
dog and cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl says.

The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the
wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner,"
the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire
truck, but if you were to tie that rope to the cat's collar, I think
you could go faster.

"The little girl replied, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't
have a siren.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

"I've got to get to the doctor and renew my
prescription of birth control pills. I can't afford to
get pregnant!" said Rosey to Nina.

"But I thought you said your husband had a vasectomy,"
Nina responded.

"He did. That's why I can't afford to get pregnant."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Pacenza, 58, of upstate Montgomery, NY lame excuse February 17, 2007 - White Plains, New York - AP A man who was fired by IBM for visiting an adult chat room during the workday is suing the company for $5 million, claiming he is an Internet addict who deserves treatment and sympathy rather than dismissal. James Pacenza, 58, of upstate Montgomery, says he visits chat rooms as treatment for traumatic stress incurred in 1969 when he saw his best friend killed during an Army patrol in Vietnam. In papers filed in federal court in White Plains, Pacenza said the stress caused him to become "a sex addict, and with the development of the Internet, an Internet addict." He claimed protection under the Americans with Disabilities Act. His lawyer, Michael Diederich, says Pacenza never visited pornographic sites at work, violated no written IBM rule and did not surf the Internet any more or any differently that other employees. He also says age discrimination contributed to IBM's actions. Pacenza, 55 at the time, had 19 years of IBM service and said he could have retired in one more year. International Business Machines Corp. has asked Judge Stephen Robinson for a summary judgment, saying its policy against surfing to sexual sites is clear. It also claims Pacenza was told he could lose his job after an incident four months earlier, which Pacenza denies. "Plaintiff was discharged by IBM because he visited an Internet chat room for a sexual experience during work after he had been previously warned," the company said. IBM also said sexual behavior disorders are specifically excluded from the ADA. It denied any age discrimination. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to Trevor for this picture: Siesta at the bank =========================================== A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. "Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?" "No," replied one of the doctors. We ran out of anesthetic and need a good, solid rock." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Jackie and her husband were foster parents years ago. At one point they had a 4-year-old girl they were quite attached to. Jackie thought she had done a good job in teaching her manners, good behavior, etc. So when the 4-year-old said to her one day, "When I grow up, I want to be just like you!" Jackie's heart swelled with pride... until the 4-year-old finished her sentence... "so that I can reach the @#$% light switch by myself!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: CD drive write-disabled Dear Webby, Also, in regards to writing to a CD, you should make sure that the drive has "recording" enabled. I had to go around to most of our department's computers and check that they were enabled after our IT staff installed new computers, none of them were and no one could write to their CDs. Why Microsoft found it better to ship them disabled is beyond me... Anyway, right click on the drive, click on Properties then on Recording, click the Enable box and you're golden. Chris Dear Chris That's not Microsoft, but the way most companies prefer their OFFICE computers set up. If they had ordered computers for HOME, the default would have been set to write enabled. It's not a Windows default, but a setting in the pre-install by your computer vendor. They know that most businesses like it that way. Ya see, some companies have this weird notion that while using a company computer on company time, it should only be used for work, and not for downloading movies and music and burning them onto company CD's for friends and relatives, who are too lazy to work for the company. Some companies even frown on the common practise of burning the customer list onto a stack of CD's a week before quitting! I know, it's terribly antisocial and undemocratic, but until Hillary gets into the White House, you'll just have to cope with it. If I was in your shoes, I would not brag about having defeated company policy. Somebody might get their knickers in a knot about it, and toggle the write-out-block on. When that is set by the admin, then you can't write to ANY removable media, not even USB drives! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 16, 2007 - Brandon, Florida - AP A palm-sized pet turtle and the golden retriever that gobbled it up survived the misadventure thanks to the quick actions of a 12-year-old girl, a veterinarian said. The saga of Pepper the red-eared slider turtle and Bella the golden retriever started last week. Shelby Terihay, 12, moved her pet pond turtles indoors to protect them from a cold snap — a plan that worked well until Bella found some of the turtles in a bathtub, The Tampa Tribune reported. A quick headcount confirmed Bella had swallowed one of the turtles. Shelby insisted on a rescue mission and, on the advice of a vet, her parents made Bella vomit. Out came Pepper, still alive despite a shattered shell and an estimated 10 minutes inside Bella's belly. ''This was definitely a first for me,'' veterinarian David Thomassy said. Thomassy patched up Pepper's shell and credited Shelby with saving Bella, too. ''The turtle would definitely have caused an obstruction,'' Thomassy said. ''Without cutting it out directly, it eventually would have killed the dog.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Pantry Pests Clean up spills in your cabinet quickly. Store food in air tight plastic, glass or metal containers. Clean food storage areas at least once a year and inspect packaging for leaks. Get rid of any packages that appear to be contaminated by insects.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
When Amanda's son was 6, they were going to Amanda's mother's house where he was going to spend the night. He had been playing on Amanda's nerves the entire day and finally, right before they pulled into Amanda's mother's driveway, she put the standard "mother's curse" on him, saying, "When you grow up, I hope you have a child just like you." He looked at Amanda with big crocodile tears in his eyes and said, "Gee, Mommy, I thought you wanted me to be happy!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home she asks her husband, "What is a specimen?" He replies," Heck if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She's a nurse." The woman goes next door and comes back in about twenty minutes with her clothes all torn and with multiple cuts and bruises on her face and body. "What in the world happened?" asked her husband. "Damned if I know," she replies. "I asked Edith what a specimen was, and she told me to go piss in a bottle. I told her to go shit in her hat, and then all hell broke loose!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Ladders http://snipurl.com/1ar3h
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Don't Start 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Feb 19, 2007
Presidents Day in the US,
Family Day in Alberta
======================================

Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end.
It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it's when
you've had everything to do, and you've done it.
--- Margaret Thatcher

=======================================

Thanks to Ross for this story:
Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Mexican restaurant.
Sid asked Al, "Are there any people of our faith born and
raised in Mexico?"

 Al replied, "I don't know, let's ask our waiter."  When the
waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?"
and the waiter said, "I don't know Senor, I'll ask the cooks."
He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said
"No sir, no Mexican Jews."

 Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked,
"Are you absolutely sure?"

 The waiter, realizing he was dealing with "Gringos" gave
the expected answer, "I will check again, Senor!" and went
back into the kitchen.  While the waiter was away, Sid said,
"I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico.
Our people are scattered everywhere."

 The waiter returned and said "Senor, the head cook said
there is no Mexican Jews."
"Are you certain?" Al asked once again.
"I can't believe there are no Mexican Jews!"

 "Senor, I ask EVERYONE," replied the exasperated waiter,
"All we have is Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews,
and Grape Jews."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A young man who wants to see the world signs on to a tramp
steamer to be trained as a helmsman.

He masters the classroom instruction, then starts his practical
training on the wheel of the vessel. In his first lesson, the
mate gives him a heading, and the young fellow holds to it.

Then the mate orders, "Come starboard."

Pleased at knowing immediately which way starboard is, the
young man leaves the helm and walks over to his instructor.

The mate has an incredulous look on his face as the helm
swings freely. Then, rather gently considering the circum-
stance, he asks politely, "Could you bring the ship with you?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Liliana Duenas, 24, from Covina, California Woman With Bat Attacks In Taco Bell Drive Thru In an alleged outbreak of road rage, a woman attacked another woman with a baseball bat in a Covina Taco Bell drive-through. The incident took place on Thursday at 700 W. Arrow Highway around 1:30 p.m., according to Covina police Lt. Tim Doonan. Both women, each driving a sport utility vehicle, arrived at the drive-through entrance at about the same time, Doonan told reporters. Liliana Duenas, 24, of Pomona, became very angry after believing that she had been cut off. She and the other driver left their SUVs and began to argue. Duenas then pulled a baseball bat from her vehicle, according to the San Gabriel Tribune. The other women went back to her SUV after the 5-foot-1-inch Duenas started swinging, the Tribune reported. She struck once on the victim's vehicle and one of her arms, causing hundreds of dollars of damage, Doonan told the newspaper. The SUV's door took the brunt of the attack and saved the victim, a 31-year-old Baldwin Park resident, from serious injury, Doonan told the Tribune. Duenas was then arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and possession of an illegal weapon -- a set of brass knuckles that were found in her SUV during the arrest. According to the newspaper, she is being held in lieu of $30,000 bail. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to Arturas for this picture: Seems the blueprints were upsdide down... =========================================== Maxine, the platinum blonde, reported for her final examination which consisted of Yes / No answers. She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper, and then in a bit of inspiration, took a quarter out of her purse. She started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet "Yes" for heads and "N" for tails. Within 30 minutes she was all done whereas the rest of the class was still sweating it out. During the last few minutes of the exam period, Maxine frantically started flipping the coin again. The moderator, concerned about what she was doing, stopped by her desk and asked if she was ok. "Oh yes, I'm fine. I finished the exam a half hour ago--but," explaining the frantic coin tossing, "I'm going back through and checking my answers!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== My kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just before school that she needed to take a clean tee shirt to class. She told us the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it. My wife frantically swept through my daughter's room, finding nothing usable but one tee shirt that already had something printed on one side. She sent it off to school with my daughter. That afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off her shirt. On one side it said, "Families are Forever." And on the other, "Be Smart, Don't Start." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patti Re: Bone Yard Dear Webby, Thanks to Dianne for the link to "Bone Yard.' Was just discussing this with friends, knew it existed but not where. Having fun, Patti Dear Patti This time of year the Boneyard and the museum are a great place to visit. Do NOT go there in summer. It's way too hot, no shade, and not much wind amongst all those tens of thousands of planes. You can get a pretty good view even with Google Earth. "Fly To" Tucson, AZ The air museum is north-east of David Montahan Airforce airport The boneyard is just off Kolb road. The resolution is good enough that you can recognize many of the planes. If necessary, crank the resolution of your monitor settings to 1600x1200. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 17, 2007 - Bismark, North Dakota - AP Among the thousands of people frantically flapping in the snow Saturday in an attempt to set the record for the most snow angels ever made were parents, children, even snowplow drivers. And then there was Pauline Jaeger - who on her 99th birthday, was making her very first angel. "It's fun," Jaeger said. "I feel just like a kid." More than 8,900 people flapped their arms and legs on the state Capitol grounds Saturday in an attempt to reclaim the record, which was snatched away about a year ago by Michigan.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gutter Cleaning Tips A small garden shovel works well for scooping debris out of gutters. Make your own gutter shovel with a 1 liter plastic pop bottle. Cut off the bottom of the bottle and half of the cylinder to make a scoop. If your gutters sag, the water will not flow properly. Remove all debris and re-attach gutters. Use a hose with a pressure nozzle to clean out clogged spouts. Use a plumber's snake for stubborn clogs. Patch leaks with outdoor caulk.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink. "You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!" Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive. "How do *you* know, Sister?" "My Mother Superior told me so" "But have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?" "Don't be ridiculous - of course I have never taken alcohol myself" "Then let me buy you a drink - if you still believe afterwards that it is evil, I will give up drinking for life" "How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!" "I'll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no-one will know" The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar. "Another pint for me, and a triple Southern Comfort on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "... and could you put the Southern Comfort in a teacup?" "Oh no! It's not the mayor dressed up as a Nun again, is it?" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== From Joyce: I'm sorry i wasn't home to vote but i just got in tonight & voted. I know it is late but Happy Valentine Day. Oh i love you making the snow angel -- I like to make them myself. Love your humor letter keep up the good work. Take Care Joyce ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: President's Pets http://tinyurl.com/3e44hu
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Writing to CD 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Feb 18, 2007
======================================

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa
mistake each other for stars.
--- Fred Allen

Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
 --- Lewis Mumford

=======================================

God and Men's Sex Lives

When the good Lord was making the world, he called Man
aside and bestowed upon him 20 years of normal sex
life. Man was horrified, but the Creator refused to
budge. Then the Lord called the Monkey and gave him 20
years.

"But I don't need 20 years," said the Monkey. "Ten
years is plenty."

"May I have the other 10 years?" asked Man. The Monkey
agreed. The Lord called the Lion next and also gave him
20 good years. The Lion also only wanted 10, so again
Man asked for the remaining ten. Then came the Donkey,
who was also granted 20 years. Like the others, 10 was
more than enough. Man again asked for the spare ten
years and got them.

This explains why Man has 20 years of normal sex life,
10 years of monkeying around, 10 years of lion 'bout
it, and 10 years of making an ass out of himself.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A man bought several acres of wasteland and within a year,
turned it into a thriving produce farm.  The local pastor
stopped by and complimented the man on his vast progress.
Then he added, "Wondrous things can surely happen when man
and God work together."

"Amen," said the man, "but you should've seen the place
when God was running it alone."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Angela Buckborough Platt, 43, of Wyoming, Pa Cooked books crook is coked now! A bookkeeper pleaded guilty Monday to embezzling $6.9 million to pay for such things as a ranch in Vermont, a life-size statue of Al Capone and a private performance by singer Burt Bacharach, federal authorities said. Angela Buckborough Platt, 43, pocketed the money over six years while an accountant for J & J Materials Corp. in Rehobeth, Mass., federal prosecutors said. She was charged with one count of interstate transportation of stolen property. Under the plea deal, Platt, formerly of Cumberland, R.I., and now of Wyoming, Pa., must pay back all of the money, and prosecutors will recommend a prison sentence of at least four years and seven months. The charge carries a maximum of 10 years in prison and $250,000 fine. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== ===========================================
Happy Valentine's Day Greeting Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was mugged but had no cash. Afraid he'd be hurt, he offered to write the guy a check. The mugger said dumbfounded, "A check? Why would I take a check from you? I don't even know you!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Breaking Up Is Hard To Do... (especially when you share the same major!) PSYCHOLOGY Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother. SOCIOLOGY Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship. ARCHAEOLOGY One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up. THEATRE "OH! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!" BIOLOGY "You just wanted to get in my genes!" PHYSICS Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down. JOURNALISM "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..." WOMEN'S STUDIES "HE did it!" BUSINESS Both decide that they're spending way too much money together, and that it's simply cheaper to be single. HISTORY Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past. GEOGRAPHY Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other. ANATOMY "I never liked your body anyway." ECONOMICS One party demands more than the other can supply. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Writing to CD Dear Webby, The question in the tech dept today having to do w/ trasnferring tapes brought a question to mind. Can you upload pics to a disc if you do NOT have a cd-rw writer on your pc? I think my friend said he just has a single cd slot. I assume he means from a camera to the disc to save. Again, thanks for the help. have a great week. Dear Sharon If he does not have a CD burner, then he has to do it 'bama style. I heard that down there they print the pictures, and then ducktape them to a CD. However, if he has just one CD drive installed, and the machine is reasonably new, then chances are good that he actually has a burner and just needs to read the instructions that came with it. An easy way to find out if it is a burner, is to put a new re-writeable CD into it, and then drag a file onto it. If Windows lets him do that, then he has a burner. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 16, 2007 - Maplewood, Minnesota - AP An airline pilot from Maplewood won a $25,000 lottery jackpot -- two days in a row. Raymond Snouffer Jr. matched the winning numbers 11-14-23-26-31 to win Saturday's Northstar Cash drawing with odds of about 170,000 to 1, Minnesota Lottery officials said. On Sunday, Snouffer stuck with 11 and switched to 3-7-19-28 -- and won again. Lottery officials said such a sequence was so farfetched that the odds against it were "virtually incalculable."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Online Resources For Driving Directions If you have an appointment somewhere that you haven't been before, use a free online website like http://mapquest.com or http://maps.google.com to get driving directions. You can enter your starting location, your destination and get step by step directions, including a map. Also check http://maps.live.com/ That is actually MSN and Microsoft maps, but usually you can't get to it from MSN. They are not necessarily better than Mapquest or Google, but if it is an important trip, then it's a good idea to check all three, in case there are new detours. NEVER check for shortest distance! Always check for shortest time. A shortest distance route will often zigzag you trough a busy downtown with thousands of stop signs and traffic lights and you could waste a day getting through Phoenix, Az, for example. The fastest route will be a few miles more, but without a single stop sign. Also check the highway reports for the area and then take a zoomed out overview and apply common sense. You may decide to add a midway point to drag the route away from an area with lots of construction. Half an hour on the net can save you a lot of aggravation and gas and time. Once I have my route nailed down, I usually print it with ClickBook in 4 page per sheet paperback book size. Especially on a long trip, a neat little booklet is a lot easier to use than a stack of full size loose sheets. By the way, you don't need a special printer for that. Any printer will do. All you need is the ClickBook program. You can get it from the button on the left side menu or from Clickbook Highly recommended! I also use it to print out e-books in paperback size front and back printed. Saves a lot on paper and ink and makes nice, compact booklets. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Rosie for this story: My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his shirt was hanging out. "I know," he replied. "It's a fad me and some of the guys started." Weeks later, as the style persisted, I commented, "I can't stand it! Every time I see that, I want to fix it for you." I gently tucked the tag in place and rumpled his hair. "Yeah," he said smiling slyly. "All the girls do." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Robert and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence test. Though both of them found the test a breeze, except that they admitted to being momentarily stumped by the final question: "Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant." "How did you answer that last one?" asked Robert. "I thought it was tough at first.... then I thought of Superintendent." "I think I got it right too," Pete said. "But I wrote down Horticulturist." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Orbit media NZ Photos http://www.orbitmedia.co.nz/raglan/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: gmail and MailWasher, tape to MP3 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  Feb 17, 2007
======================================

The way we communicate with others and with ourselves
ultimately determines the quality of our lives.
--- Anthony Robbins

=======================================

They say that a preacher's wife is always his number one
assistant. An example of this comes one Sunday morning
after the preacher had just finished his sermon.  He went
and sat down with his wife and she asked him how he
thought the church service went.

The Preacher shrugged and said, "The worship was
excellent, and I think the prayer and communion times went
quite well,but," he continued, "I just don't think the sermon ever
got off the ground."

The wife looked over at him, and before she could stop
herself,
she said, "Well, it sure did taxi long enough!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

There was a Scot, American, and a Iraqui in a plane on
fire and about to crash. There were no parachutes and
the only exit was to jump from 49,000 feet high.

As the Scottish  jumped he yelled, "God save me!" and
landed safely in a haystack. When the American jumped he
also yelled, "God save me!" and landed safely in another haystack.

The Iraqui wasn't good at his English and when he jumped
he yelled, "God shave me!",
and went splat on the roof of a barber shop.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kenny Narron, 44, of Richlands, N.C. From the frying pan into the fire February 14, 2007 - Hollis, New Hampshire - AP A house painter accused of taking a $7,000 diamond engagement ring from the condo he was working at apparently swallowed the evidence during a break from questioning at the police station -- and it was caught on tape, police said Tuesday. Kenny Narron, 44, of Richlands, N.C., was charged with theft and falsifying evidence. Doctors had to perform emergency surgery to get the 1.2-carat ring out. Narron was arraigned from his hospital bed. Police say the ring had been hidden under a mattress in a condo in Merrimack that Narron had been hired to paint last month. The owner said he was hiding the ring for his brother, so his brother's girlfriend wouldn't see it until the time was right. But the owner said one day, his 16-year-old son came home to find Narron coming out of the master bedroom, according to a police affidavit. "The ring was kept under his mattress along with the paperwork ... he discovered his mattress askew and when he checked for the ring, he found it missing," the affidavit said. Narron was questioned at the Hollis Police Department. When investigators left the room for a few minutes to make a few calls, a security camera in the room showed Narron swallowing the ring and putting a white jewelry box in a drawer. Police also said they came across torn up paperwork for the diamond. "I'm not sure what goes through people's minds when you're in public and there's cameras everywhere, but yeah, it is on tape," Lt. James Sartell said. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== ===========================================
Happy Valentine's Day Greeting Cards
All FREE!
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=========================================== Judy goes to get her hair cut. The hairstylist cuts for about thirty minutes, hands Judy a mirror, and asks, "How do you like it?" Judy says, "It's nice, but could you make it just a little longer in the back?" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Lola is on the phone, "Hello? Pizza Shack? Do you have anything on special?" From the other end of the line comes, "Yeah, our veggie haters delight. It has twelve kinds of meat and five different cheeses. Lola asks, "Does anything come with that?" "A coupon for the gym." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: George Re: MailWasher and Gmail Dear Webby, How would MailWasher work on the web based email programs like gmail? Also, can you tell me anything about how to transfer audio tapes to MP3s? I have some Books on Tape that I Dear George Can I use Gmail with MailWasher® Pro? Yes you can: In GMail: Click Settings > Forwarding and POP > POP Download > Check Enable POP only for mail that arrives from now on. Go to: When messages are accessed with POP and choose Delete Gmails copy. Click Save changes. In MailWasher Pro: Click Tools > Accounts > Add > select POP3 > click OK. Enter a name reference for your account and click Next. Enter pop.gmail.com in the POP3 server address field. Enter your full GMail email address in the User Name field. Enter your GMail password in the Password field. Click Advanced Account Options. Check the box next to This server requires a secure connection (SSL) under Incoming Mail (POP3). The port will change to 995. Click OK. Click OK. Click Close. To convert analog tapes to digital data, you need to play them, and record them digitally. The rude and crude way for that is to lay your computer microphone on top of your tape player's speaker, and use a program like Audacity to record it and save it as MP3. If your tape player has a head set socket, you can connect a patch cord (male on both ends) from there to the AUX IN socket on your computer. That way you eliminate outside noises and get a much cleaner recording. Most recorder programs have at least some basic equalizer and filter functions that allow you to clip the crackle and pop which is quite common on tape recordings, and you wind up with better quality than you started out with. Same as with a tape recorder, you can patch other devices to the AUX IN, like for example a record player, CD player, radio and even electronic instruments. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 13, 2007 - Middlebury, Vermont - AP Middlebury College history students are no longer allowed to use Wikipedia in preparing class papers. The school's history department recently adopted a policy that says it's OK to consult the popular online encyclopedia, but that it can't be cited as an authoritative source by students. The policy says, in part, "Wikipedia is not an acceptable citation, even though it may lead one to a citable source." History professor Neil Waters says Wikipedia is an ideal place to start research but an unacceptable way to end it. ------------------------ Always quote your professor's book. Anything newer or more correct just leads to trouble.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shampoo for Ring Around the Collar The easiest way to get rid of ring around the collar is to use shampoo. Just use a small paintbrush and paint it on the stains before washing. By Dee
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float? The father replied, "Don't right know son." A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?" Once again the father replied, "Don't right know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?" Again, the father repied. "Don't right know son." Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?" The father repied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Groan Alert! There once was a church meeting where the topic was "Burial or Cremation?" Two of the people got rather worked up. One said to the other, If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is making an ash of yourself!" The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from fossilized old bones, so if you have yourself buried,all you will be doing . . . is making a fuel of yourself!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: The Original Cut and Paste http://tinyurl.com/m6d7
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Spam Problems 


Good Morning,   !
Friday,  Feb 15, 2007
Wear soemthing red to show your support for the troops!
======================================

The quality of a leader is reflected in the standards
they set for themselves."
--- Ray Kroc

Leadership is practiced not so much in words as in
attitude and in actions.
--- Harold S. Geneen

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you
must keep moving
--- Albert Einstein

=======================================

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day,
a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was
kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was
a particularly smooth one.

Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it.

"Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University
of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend.

"In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees.
What would you do?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A little boy returning home from his first day at the new
school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational
theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects
of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment
form  which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes,
but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nakia Davis,32 ,Danbury, Connecticut Just call him "Dopey" February 14, 2007 - Southbury, Connecticut - AP Nakia Davis's plans to bail himself out after a drug bust went more than a bit awry over the weekend. With the aid of a drug-sniffing dog, police found 48 grams of cocaine on the 32-year-old man after pulling him over for speeding, police said. The suspect then arranged for his aunt to bring a small safe which he claimed contained money for his bail. But when his aunt opened the safe in front of a state trooper, they found cash, drug paraphernalia and another 16 grams of cocaine, police said. Additional drug charges were filed against the man and his bond was increased to $125,000. He was later bailed out by another relative, police said. The suspect was charged with possession of narcotics with intent to sell, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of cocaine, possession of marijuana and .... speeding. ===========================================
Need some unique Valentines cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards Valentines
=========================================== Thanks to Sharon for this picture: Sharon wrote that it was NOT a late night visit from bigfoot, but just the wind creating that footprint. Yes, sure, Ma'am '-) ===========================================
Happy Valentine's Day Greeting Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A young executive was leaving the office one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is important and my assistant has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly", said the young man, flattered that the CEO had asked him for help. He turned the the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button. "Excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I need two copies of that." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands, have devised what they consider a marvelous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison, watching the planes go by. Then the pilots turn around and fly back, and all the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and turn directly toward the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over onto their backs. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ruby Re: Spam Epidemic Dear Webby, Have you noticed that there is a real spam epidemic going on? 90% of my mail is spam, and it's driving me nuts! How does a company like yours deal with it? And why isn't anybody doing something about it? Ruby Dear Ruby No, I haven't noticed that. You see, I live a very simple and sheltered life. One of my shelters is MailWasher. I just see the 120 - 200 mails that I need to see and answer. I don't really give a hoot about how or which way Mailwasher dumps the other 4800 - 5000 mails every day, but I know that they are reported to the FireTrust spam database. The reason nobody in the US is doing anything against spam is because the spammers bought your Senate and financed the CAN SPAM act, and so they are nicely protected. Just look at the courts in Illinois trying to fine Spamhaus, a European blacklisting service $12 Million. US law protects the spammers and you get fined if you try to fight them. Luckily, Spamhaus is in England, and told the Illinois courts where to stuff their pro-spammer ruling. They don't have laws to protect the spammers in England. The same goes for New Zealand, where MailWasher and FireTrust are hiding out, safely out of reach of the CAN-SPAM spammer protection act. MailWasher also can be set to automatically report spam to SpamCop. SpamCop then informs the ISP about one of their clients spamming. If the ISP is a major spammer in Russia, that doesn't do much, but in a lot of cases the spammer is some clueless PC user with an infected machine, which is used by the Russian mega spammers. In those cases, the ISP can contact their client and tell them that they are cut off until they run a proper virus scan. Most ISPs react quite fast, because the spam and the bounces constipate their system. Some, like Adelphia, don't seem to be competent enough to do anything about it. Unless you can rent more senators than the spammers have, all I can recommend is that you get MailWasher, and let it nuke the spam right on the server and not let it bother you. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 14, 2007 - Islamabad, Pakistan - AP Pakistan's ruling party on Tuesday introduced a bill to outlaw forced marriages, including under an ancient tribal custom in which women are married off in order to settle feuds. The proposed law was introduced in the National Assembly, or lower house of Parliament, by Chaudhry Shujaat Hussain, a lawmaker and head of the Pakistan Muslim League-Q party. Hussain's party, which has a majority in both houses, strongly supports President Gen. Pervez Musharraf, who has vowed to give women more rights in line with his policy to project Pakistan as a moderate, progressive Islamic nation.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Wedding Reception Saving money on your wedding reception by having it outdoors. Have it at a park, a campground or at someone's house who has a big yard. Other locations to consider if you must have the reception indoors: your local community center; Elks, Lions or VFW Club, especially if someone in your family is a member; some Senior Citizen Centers have great halls they can rent for receptions.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, "Jeez, I'd really like to dance with that girl." The other man replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken shit." So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?" Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry. Right now I'm concentrating on matrimony, and I'd rather sit than dance." So the man humbly returns to his friend. "So what did she say?" asks the friend. The drunk responded, "She said she's constipated on macaroni, and would rather sh** in her pants." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Thanks to Louise for this report: ONE MORNING I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her. "I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Bone Yard http://www.sarimage.com/Aviation/DavisMonthan/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Beware of gov-irs.com 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Feb 15, 2007
======================================

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more,
do more and become more, you are a leader.
--- John Quincy Adams

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:

Married for a night
A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both
married to other people, found themselves assigned to the
same sleeping compartment on a transcontinental train. Though
initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they
were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper
bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman
saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be
willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?
I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight,
let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed."

"Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!"

After a moment of silence, he farted, long and loud.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between
them a young man.
"This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one.

"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.

And so they began arguing until the King called for silence.

"Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew
the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half."

"Sounds good to me," said the first lady.

But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent
blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him."

The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The man must marry
the first woman's daughter," he proclaimed.

"But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's
court.

"Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE
mother-in-law."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jorge Mejia, 35 from San Rafael, California February 14, 2007 - San Rafael, California - San Francisco Chronicle A San Rafael man who told police that he was kidnapped at gunpoint early Saturday and crashed his car to escape his captors actually wrecked his wife's new car all on his own and was hoping to avoid blame, authorities said today. Police say 35-year-old Jorge Mejia left a San Rafael nightclub, Club 101, around 1 a.m. Saturday and set off for River Rock Casino in Geyserville. On the way, said San Rafael police spokeswoman Margo Rohrbacher, Mejia ran off the road and crashed his car. The 2007 Ford Focus was still drivable, and Mejia decided to scrap his gambling plans and head back home. "He was headed back into Marin (County) and was getting back on the freeway near where Highway 12 and 101 meet when the car became disabled," Rohrbacher said. It's there that Mejia's story veered off course, she said. "Santa Rosa police contacted him because he was disabled on the side of the road," she said. "He told a story that he had been the victim of a kidnapping in San Rafael, so we sent up officers to meet him and bring him back, since the crime started here, based on what he told us." Mejia told investigators that he had been forced into his car by two armed men in the Club 101 parking lot and that they made him drive up to Sonoma County, Rohrbacher said. "He said that he became scared and decided to intentionally crash the car, thinking he could get away. When that didn't disable the car sufficiently, he got back on the freeway, then the car did become disabled and the two men fled," she explained. "You can see the basics of what actually happened are there, he just added in the other parties that weren't present." During interviews with Mejia on Sunday, Rohrbacher said, police began to get suspicious, and he eventually admitted that the story was false. Authorities are still determining whether to file any charges against Mejia. ===========================================
Need some unique Valentines cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards Valentines
=========================================== After the hectic panic and chaos to keep all the servers running while Billions of pre-sent Valentines cards were delivered, and some clients chose that time to send out their newsletters, it was time to cool off. We had six inches of fluffy powder snow on top of the older snow, so this was perfect for making the annual snow angel. ===========================================
Happy Valentine's Day Greeting Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Jimmy is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Jimmy just dates and dates. Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Jimmy replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole mother?" Many weeks go by and again Jimmy and his friend get together. "So, Jimmy, did you find the perfect girl yet? One that's just like your mother?" Jimmy shrugs his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like mom. My mother loved her, they quickly became friends." "Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not, my father can't stand her!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== An old maid was held up in a dark alley. She explained she had no money, but the robber insisted that it must be in her bra, or in her panties and started feeling around. "I told you I haven't got any money," the spinster said, "but if you keep doing that, I'll write you a check." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carols Re: Beware of gov-irs.com Dear Webby, I just had to write you. You encouraged me to use McAfee when I was having so much trouble with my other protection software. I did, and I could not be happier. Let me tell you what happened. A couple of days ago McAfee sent me a message to upgrade for free...I did. We had a death in the family and I needed to get a Business License #, SSR#4 to use while the estate was closing. I looked on the web and found a site http://www.gov-irs.com/main.php, logged on and thought this is great. Then McAfee told me it was a site that was questionable because I could get the information elsewhere for free!!!!!! They www.gov-irs.com wanted over $150.00 for getting me the number. Well, I went to the federal tax forms section and sure enough, this number is free. I made a phone call to a 800 number that was listed, took me only about 10 minutes and I was done. Just look at the name of the web site, doesn't it look for real??? Thanks, Webby. Carol ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 12, 2007 - Knoxville, Tennessee - AP Ralph Dial could remember Vinita Anderson's smile, hair and the first day they met in the early 1940s. But it took Dial more than 60 years to remember her name. It finally came to him while driving during Christmastime in 2002. He tracked her down by going through old newspapers in Knoxville. He found her name on a letter to the editor. He called the Knoxville News Sentinel, and the editorial department contacted Anderson on Dial's behalf. She called him a few minutes later. She only lived 30 miles away. They were both widowed, so they continued their conversation over dinner. Four years later, Dial asked for Anderson's hand in marriage. They'll marry on March 17 -- the same day they became engaged last year.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flip The Script For guys (or gals) who don't cook a lot, take it upon yourself to cook a dinner for your significant other. Try cooking your partner's favorite dish. Even if the meal turns out less than perfect, the thoughtfulness and effort will be appreciated.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A traveling salesman once got caught up in a blizzard got shelter with a farmer who had three daughters. The farmer called him aside and told him, "Young man, I have three daughters, so stay in your room the whole night and no tricks, be warned." In the morning, the salesman came down and the farmer asked him, "How was your night, young man?" "Oh! Slept like a rabbit. Thanks for your hospitality; I will never forget it." The farmer felt very happy and at the bar that night mentioned this fact to his close friend. He was boasting what a good father he had been by keeping his daughters away from trouble. His friend laughed aloud and said, "You fool! A rabbit does not sleep at night. It goes from hole to hole the whole night!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Chockolate Bok Beer http://tinyurl.com/3af29y
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Virus Cleaner 

Happy Vlentines Day,   !
Wednesday,  Feb 14, 2007
======================================

The truest greatness lies in being kind,
the truest wisdom in a happy mind.
--- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

=======================================

Today is Guilt Day.
Forget Valentines Day, and you'll find out why it's called
Guilt Day.

Jump on over to the Cardmasters World Championship
and pre-send your Valentines Cards from the best
card sites in the world. At the same time, you can vote for
the best sites. YOUR votes will determine the winner.

==============================================

I love YOU
in 255 languages
http://webby.com/humor/pre-03/i_love_yo ... uages.html

Yes, I know, there is still one day till Valentines Day.
The reason I am "printing" it today, is so that YOU can use
it in your mails to your friends and lovers.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Rubye for bringing back this classic!

               Collards is green,
               my dog's name is Blue
               and I'm so lucky
               to have a sweet thang like you.

               Yore hair is like cornsilk
               a-flapping in the breeze.
               Softer than Blue's
               and without all them fleas.

               You move like the bass,
               which excite me in May.
               You ain't got no scales
               but I luv you anyway.

               Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
               jist a-fry'n in the pan.
               Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
               right out of the can.

               You have some'a yore teeth,
               for which I am proud;
               I hold my head high
               when we're in a crowd.

               On special occasions
               when you shave under yore arms,
               well, I'm in hawg heaven,
               and awed by yore charms.

               Still them fellers at work
               they all want to know,
               what I did to deserve
               such a purdy, young doe.

               Like a good roll of duct tape
               yo're there fer yore man,
               to patch up life's troubles
               and fix what you can.

               Yo're as cute as a junebug
               a-buzzin' overhead.
               You ain't mean like those far ants
               I found in my bed.

               Cut from the best cloth
               like a plaid flannel shirt,
               you spark up my life more
               than a fresh load of dirt.

               When you hold me real tight
               like a padded gunrack,
               my life is complete;
               Ain't nuttin' I lack.

               Yore complexion, it's perfection,
               like the best vinyl sidin'.
               despite all the years,
               yore age, it keeps hidin'.

               Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
               with a RC cold drank,
               we go together
               like a skunk goes with stank.

               Some men, they buy chocolate
               for Valentine's Day;
               They git it at Wal-Mart,
               it's romantic that way.

               Some men git roses
               on that special day
               from the
               cooler at Kroger.

               That's impressive," I say.
               Some men buy fine diamonds
               from a flea market booth.
               "Diamonds are forever,"
               they explain, suave and couth.

               But for this man, honey,
               these just won't do.
               Cause yo're too special,
               you sweet thang you.

               I got you a gift,
               without taste nor odor,
               More useful than diamonds...
               it's a new troll'n motor.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Hans Jurgen Oskar von Naguschewski from germany Wrong time and place to moon February 12, 2007 - Manila, Philippines - AP A 66-year-old German tourist, annoyed by stringent security at Manila's airport, dropped his pants before walking through an X-ray machine, newspapers said Monday. Authorities were not amused. Instead of boarding a flight to Frankfurt on Friday, Hans Jurgen Oskar von Naguschewski was detained after police filed a complaint of lasciviousness against him, the Philippine Daily Inquirer and the Philippine Star newspapers reported. "He must have been annoyed that he was asked to walk through the X-ray twice, so he took off his pants," airport security chief Angel Atutubo was quoted saying. Oskar spent the weekend in police detention and was to face the prosecutor later Monday. If convicted, he could face six months to six years in jail. "He actually didn't say much, unlike Filipino passengers who would talk a lot. He was clearly irked and he showed it by disrobing," the Inquirer quoted police Supt. Atilano Morada saying. ===========================================
Need some unique Valentines cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards Valentines
=========================================== Thanks to my dad who sent this picture to me. I asked him via Skype to send me a picture of whatever is bloming in his wintergarden right now. A few minutes later he sent me this picture of a Lenophyllum. Judging by the handwritten label, he had grown it from a seed. Happy Valentines Day ! ===========================================
Happy Valentine's Day Greeting Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this classic Valentines Day story: Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of the slopes as written by a New Orleans paper on Valentines Day a few years ago: A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect...12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over...the "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day. One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was inmdiremneed of a rest room. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away. If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know that a temperature of 12 below doesn't help matters. With time running out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods and no one would even notice. He assured her, "The white will provide more than adequate camouflage." So she headed for the tree line, began lowering her ski pants and proceeded to do her thing. If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a right way and wrong way to set your skis so you don't move. Yup, you got it!!! She had them positioned the wrong way. Steep slopes are not forgiving...even during the most embarrassing moments. Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, out-of-control, racing through the trees...somehow missing all of them and onto another slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her knees, and she was picking up speed all the while. She continued backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an unusual vista for the other skiers. The woman skied back under the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants. At long last her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie show, then summoned the ski patrol. They transported her to a hospital. While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously broken leg was put in the bed next to hers. "So, how'd you break your leg?" she asked, making small talk. "It was the stupidest thing you ever saw," he said. "I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly, I couldn't believe my eyes! There was this crazy woman skiing backward, out-of-control, down the mountain, with her bare bottom hanging out of her pants. I leaned over to get a better look and fell out of the lift. ... So, how'd you break your arm?" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Actual Writings From Hospital Charts 1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. Note: Patient here recovering from forehead cut. Patient became very angry when given an enema by mistake. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 20. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 21. Skin: Somewhat pale but present. 22. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tam Re: Anti Virus program Dear Webby, HI, I love the humor letter, thanks for the laughs and all of the help. I have a question, what virus protection do your recommend? I use Norton now and I don't like it that well. thanks in advance for the advice. Tam Dear Tam Like most techs I don't recommend Norton for Windows XP. It causes more problems than it fixes. I recommend McAfee from http://mcafee.com I readily agree that their their screens are designed by somebody's inbred pet moron, who has no clue about HTML and is blissfully unaware that most of the world is no longer using monitors with 800 x 600 resolution. Luckily you don't have to deal with their screens that often. The important part, the virus protection, works fine and in the long run is more reliable than any others that I have tested. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 12, 2007 - Plymouth, Devon, UK - Daily Telegraph Britain's longest-married couple say their secret is to make time for a little romance every day. Frank and Anita Milford celebrate their 79th wedding anniversary this year after marrying on May 26, 1928. Mr. Milford, 99, a retired dock worker, told the Daily Telegraph: "We do everything together even after nearly 80 years. "But we don't go in for big Valentine's Day gestures, being in love is something you do every day." Anita, 98, added: "Couples these days don't last because they don't take enough time for each other, there isn't enough respect. Love is about give and take." The couple first met at a YMCA dance in 1926 and married two years later at Torpoint Register Office in Cornwall. Shortly after they married the couple moved to a bungalow in Plymouth, Devon, and now live at the city's Warwick Park care home. The couple go out to bingo twice a week and have regular visits from their children Marie, 77, and Frank, 72, as well as their five grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren. They have their eyes on the record for the longest-ever British marriage - set by Percy and Florence Arrowsmith, from Hereford, who were married 80 years.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Valentine's Day Tip - Watch a Movie Going to the movies is a relatively inexpensive date and studios try to release romantic movies around Valentine's Day. If romantic films aren't your cup of tea, pick a movie that you will both like. To save even more, rent a couple movies and watch them at home. Try to rent the first movie you both watched together. Even if it was an action film, it should bring back fond memories.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two youngsters were walking home from Sunday School, each deep in his own thoughts. Finally one said, "What do you think about all this devil business we studied today?" The other boy replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. This is probably just your Dad, too." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of all Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbecuing beef every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole. "Ole," they said, "since you are the only Lutheran in this whole town and there's not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you should join our church and become a Catholic." Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were probably right. Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it. The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, "Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!" Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. But the following Friday evening at suppertime, there was again the aroma of grilled beef coming from Ole's yard. The neighbors went to talk to him about this and as they approached the fence, they heard Ole saying to the steak: "You were born a beef, you were raised a beef," and as he sprinkled salt over the meat he said, "and NOW you are a FISH!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Pets Welcome http://www.petswelcome.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: messing with the registry 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  Feb 13, 2007
======================================

Marriage is a great institution,
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
--- Mae West

The male is a domestic animal which,
if treated with firmness,
can be trained to do most things.
--- Jilly Cooper

The louder he talked of his honor,
the faster we counted our spoons.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

=======================================

1 day to Guilt Day.
Forget Valentines Day, and you'll find out why it's called
Guilt Day.

Jump on over to the Cardmasters World Championship
and pre-send your Valentines Cards from the best
card sites in the world. At the same time, you can vote for
the best sites. YOUR votes will determine the winner.

==============================================

I love YOU
in 255 languages
http://webby.com/humor/pre-03/i_love_yo ... uages.html

Yes, I know, there is still one day till Valentines Day.
The reason I am "printing" it today, is so that YOU can use
it in your mails to your friends and lovers.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Matt for this story:

A small zoo in Texas obtained a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very
difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The
gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male
gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of
Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible
for cleaning the animal cages.

Bobby Lee, like some rednecks, had little sense but
possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby
Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing
to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to
think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced
that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions

1. "First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips."
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition

2. "Second", he said, "You can't never tell no one about this."
The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

 3. "Third", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised
Southern Baptist."
Once again it was agreed.

4. And last, Bobby Lee said "I'll need another week to
come up with the $500.00

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Principal Wayne Marshall in Moriarity, New Mexico Out of touch and no sense of humor February 10, 2007 - Moriarity, New Mexico - AP Principal Wayne Marshall said a teacher at Moriarty High School made a misjudgment on an algebra test for his students. A question on the test incorporated a fictional methamphetamine dealer. The question read, "Smoky J. sells meth. Smoky's source says he has to sell a G's worth of meth by the end of the month. If Smoky sold 240 dollars the first week and 532 dollars the second week, how much money must Smoky make if he wants to avoid the beat down from his connection?" Marshall said the teacher, Will Klundt, is a good teacher who tries different methods, but he made a misjudgment. Marshall declined to discuss if any disciplinary action will be taken. ----------------------------------------- That math question and similar ones have circulated on the joke lists for a dozen years and are mostly just making fun of schools that are dumbing down their curriculum to let more kids pass. Usually that math question is shown alongside with this one: If you are building a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many two ounce per minute Chevy radiators are required to condense the product? Neither math question promotes any specific life style. They simply add some color and humor to a dull topic. ===========================================
Need some unique Valentines cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards Valentines
=========================================== Thanks to Chuck who sent this picture to me! Chuck is the one on the right side. ===========================================
Happy Valentine's Day Greeting Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A gent from Chicago was on a fishing vacation up north in the Wisconsin woods. He was out fishing on a lake in a small boat and not having much luck. He noticed a man in another small boat that was close by, open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and enquired, "What is the mirror for?" "That's my secret way to catch fish," replied the other man. "I Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim up to the surface. Then I just reach down, net them and pull them into the boat." "Wow! Does that really work?" exclaimed the guy from Chicago "You bet it does." was the response. "Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $50 for it." offered the big city gent. "Well, okay." said the country guy. After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many did you catch this week?" The country local, grinned and said, "You're the sixth." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== "If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Gringo Re: Messing with the registry Dear Webby, I use Registry Mechanic Software for cleaning up parts left behind from uninstalling Software. Even if I re-bot there are bits of uninstalled software in my registry and etc. Iam asking if it's not necessary to run Registry Mechanic? Once again I Thank You for a Great Humor Letter and your imperative advice. I just started clicking on your free donations on the left side of the Humor Letter. Can't believe that I havn't been doing that many moons ago. Take Care Gringo Dear Gringo Most of that is just hype from the registry mess-about industry. Look at what there really IS in the registry. Let's say you installed a game called BOD, "Battle Of Dingbats". During the installation, it tells the registry to list it as one of the games that require the microphone amplification to be toggled on. When you un-install BOD, it forgets to remove that entry. Even though the game is gone, should you somehow run that game, Windows would toggle microphone amplification on. Since the game is gone, that's not really anything to lose sleep over. The whole registry is just toggles like that, and a bunch of links telling Windows where to find stuff quickly. Some software hides it's serial number there. All of it is small bits of text in a tiny and fast database, parked on the fastest part of the hard drive and usually loaded into the RAM on start-up. If it did make any difference to mess with the registry, then you could bet your favorite snow shovel, that Microsoft would be selling a program to do that. We old-timers, who grew up with DOS and like using the fast command line, can use the registry for neat tricks, like adding extra menu choices to the right-click menu. However, unless you use your computer very hard and want to squeeze extra utility and effectivenss out of it, it's best to follow Microsoft's advice and leave the registry alone. Registry mess-about programs are not needed, except by their sellers. If you want to gain speed, dump your pagefile now and then, and run CrapCleaner and Spybot-Search&Destroy at least once a week, and have DisKeeper set to defragment and optimize whenever the screen saver comes on. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 7, 2007 - New York - AP A taxi driver returned a black bag carrying 31 diamond rings to a passenger who earlier had given him a 30-cent tip on an $11 ride. Hours after Chowdhury Osman dropped off the passenger, he tracked her down through a flurry of phone calls and returned the bag, which she had left in the taxi's trunk. The unidentified woman, who said she was a jeweller, offered a $100 reward. Osman accepted the money to cover the fares he lost while tracking her down. Osman, a native of Bangladesh, told the New York Daily News he never considered keeping the gems. "I'm a hard worker," the soft-spoken cabbie said. "I enjoy my life. I'm satisfied. I'm not going to take someone else's money or property to make me rich. I don't want it that way." "When I find something left in my cab, and I can return it to the owner, I feel very happy. I feel proud," he said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Valentine's Day Tip - Little Things Are Important You don't have to break the bank buying flowers, a single, elegant rose can do the work of a dozen. Write a love note or poem to your partner. Place it somewhere where it will be found unexpectedly; like inside of the morning paper or next to his/her pillow. Last but not least, don't forget to say "I Love You", sincerely and often.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
HELPLINE: "General Motors HelpLine, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!" HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?" CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know!?" HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?" CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?" HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you." CUSTOMER: "What!?" I paid $22,000. for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum. "Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Brussels http://snipurl.com/1a0um
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Back up onto what? 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Feb 12, 2007
======================================

I do not have a psychiatrist and I do not want one,
for the simple reason that if he listened to me long enough,
he might become disturbed.
--- James Thurber

Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you.
Their tastes may not be the same.
--- George Bernard Shaw

=======================================

2 days to Guilt Day.
Forget Valentines Day, and you'll find out why it's called
Guilt Day.

Jump on over to the Cardmasters World Championship
and pre-send your Valentines Cards from the best
card sites in the world. At the same time, you can vote for
the best sites. YOUR votes will determine the winner.

==============================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:

Bob and his wife Judy live in Wisconsin. One winter morning
while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say:
"We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must
park your car on the even numbered side of the street,
so that the snowplow can get through"
Judy goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio
announcer says: "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow
today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side
of the street, so that the snowplow can get through."
Judy goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the
radio announcer says: "We are expecting 8-10 inches of
snow today. You must park........... ," then the electric
power goes out. Judy is very upset, and with a worried look
on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do.
Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow
can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice, like all men,
who are married to beautiful women exhibit, Bob says,
"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

AMERICAN JOURNALISM

Dan Rather, Peter Jennings, Cokie Roberts, and a tough old U.S. Marine
Sergeant were all captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the
terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before
they were beheaded.

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot
spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with
the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Peter Jennings said, "I am Canadian, so I'd like to hear the song "O Canada"
one last time." The leader nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western
world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag Musicians and played
the anthem. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die peacefully.

Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape
recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe
someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end."

The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts
dictated some comments. She then said,"Now I can die happy."

The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final
wish?"

"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.

"What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour?

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine.
So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass.

The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from
inside his fatigues, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he
leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine and sprayed the Iraqis with
gunfire. In a flash, all the Iraqis were either dead or fleeing for their
lives.

As the Marine was untying Rather, Jennings , and Roberts, they asked him,
"Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to
kick you in the ass first?"

"What!" replied the Marine, "And have you three assholes report that I
carried out an unprovoked attack?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 27 year old mother in Sheboygan, Wisconsin Wrong priorities February 9, 2007 - Sheboygan, Wisconsin -AP Sheboygan police arrested a woman after she allegedly left her two children in a freezing car for 20 minutes while she went tanning. The 27-year-old woman was arrested after two people spotted the children, ages 23 months and 10 years, in the car, the police department said in a news release. The vehicle was locked but not running. Officers responding to the scene Wednesday evening were approached by the children's parents. The father met the mother at the tanning salon and was arguing with her about why the children were in the car, police said. The children were dressed warmly, but they had "goose bumps" from the cold, the release said. They did not require medical attention. The temperature at the time was 12 degrees F, with a wind chill index of about minus 2 degrees. The woman could be charged Friday with two counts of misdemeanor child neglect, police said. "She said she was going on vacation and felt that the tanning was a priority," Lt. Jeff Johnston said Friday. ===========================================
Need some unique Valentines cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards Valentines
=========================================== Thanks to all who sent this picture to me! Piebald deer right off County Hwy O in Portage County, just north of Junction City, Kansas. ===========================================
Happy Valentine's Day Greeting Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Back in the days when Roman galleys plied the Mediterranean, a crew of oarsmen was sweating and straining to propel the ship through high seas when the first mate appeared. "I've got good news and bad news," he says. "The good news is we've spotted an island, so the plan is to stop, drink rum, hunt a couple of wild boars, have a feast and relax with the native girls." The sailors all cheer in happiness, all but one, who asks, "And what is the bad news?" "Well," the first mate replies, "tomorrow, the captain wants to go water skiing." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Consider the Kansas farm couple who are sleeping early one morning when a tornado roars over their farmhouse. It lifts the roof off, picks up the bed the farmer and his wife are sleeping in, and sets them down gently in the next county. The wife begins to cry. "Don't be scared, dear," her husband says. "We're not hurt." The woman continues to cry. "I'm not scared," she says between sobs. "I'm crying because I'm happy. This is the first time in 14 years we've been out together." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Unk Wes Re: Back up onto what? Dear Webby, Everyone always says to "back-up" your computer. What is the easiest and best program out there to do this? Is a second hard drive needed? How about an external hard drive? Or how about the 1-4 gb devices that plug into a USB port? unk wes Dear Unc Wes An external USB hard drive is indeed the best way to go, especially if you store it in a safety deposit box or anywhere safe and far away from the computer. For the software, I use the built in DOS command xcopy to do incremental back-ups. It only copies what is newer on the source than at the destination. The command is xcopy source destination /D /S /R /Y /Z and it is faster than any other method. If you add /Q then it does not show the names of the files as it copies them. With older computer that gains you a bit of extra speed. personally, I like seeing the files blur by and briefly stop when it comes to a really big file. Then I can decide whether I really need that big file, or whether I should mark it down for deleting later. There are tons of programs out there that will protect you from the sight of the bare command line, but deep down inside of the better ones is usually that same xcopy call. Many of those back-up programs let you specify a list of directories to back up. You can, of course, do the same with xcopy. Just add more lines but with different source directories, and put all of them into a plain text file that you save as back-up.bat For example: xcopy C:\music\*.* E:\ /D /S /R /Y /Z xcopy C:\pix\*.* E:\ /D /S /R /Y /Z xcopy C:\movies\*.* E:\ /D /S /R /Y /Z etc. After you save that text file, make a desktop shortcut to it and give it a cute icon. It will take you a minute or two to write that bat, but it will save you the cost of buying a program that is a lot slower and does the same, or less. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 8, 2007 - Atlanta, Georgia - AP Tough love from a grandma landed a shooting suspect behind bars Thursday morning. Police say a southwest Atlanta woman drove her grandson back to a shooting scene and then forced him to turn himself in to police. Investigators say the man was wanted for shooting another man in a dispute over a girl. The victim is in South Fulton Regional Hospital in critical condition with a bullet wound in his kidney. The two men had been trading text-messaged insults all night when they finally confronted each other in the parking lot on Jonesboro Road, according to police. The shooting victim used to date the gunman’s girlfriend. The suspect told police the other man slapped him during an argument, so he pulled a gun and opened fire. Fleeing the scene, the gunman headed to his grandmother’s house and told her what happened. She ordered him into her car and drove straight to the shooting scene where investigators were going over the evidence. With his grandmother at his side the suspect confessed to the shooting and was arrested.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Valentine's Day Tip - Give A Live Plant Instead of a flower bouquet that will be wilted and in the trash in a week or two, consider buying a plant. It could be a houseplant or something to plant in the yard in the spring. You can enclose a card saying, "Watch our love grow!"
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A man is struck by a bus on a busy New York City street. He lies on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd, but there's no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. "A priest, please," the injured man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a wrinkled and wizened Jewish man of advanced years. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for 50 years now I've lived behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I've listened to the Catholic rites. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man." The policeman agrees and brings the old man over to where the man lies. The old man kneels down on the sidewalk, leans over the injured victim and intones in a solemn voice: "Under the B - 4. Under the I - 19. Under the N - 38. Under the G - 54. Under the O - 72." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety. "Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses." "Warehouses!?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Empire State Building http://tinyurl.com/398kvy
Re global warming,..... ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Turn Off Auto-Complete 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Feb 11, 2007
======================================

As I grow older I pay less attention to what men say.
I just watch what they do.
--- Andrew Carnegie

=======================================

3 days to Guilt Day.
Forget Valentines Day, and you'll find out why it's called
Guilt Day.

Jump on over to the Cardmasters World Championship
and pre-send your Valentines Cards from the best
card sites in the world. At the same time, you can vote for
the best sites. YOUR votes will determine the winner.

==============================================

Thank to Rubye for this story:
The Lone Ranger and Tonto stopped in the desert for the night.
After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of
galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise,
it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are
small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says,
"Kemo Sabe, you dumber than a buffalo.
It mean someone stole tent."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Roland for this story:
A Doctor in Minnesota wanted to get off work and go hunting,
so he told his assistant "Ya Ole, I am going hunting tomorrow and
we don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the
clinic and take care of our patients""
Yes, sir..." answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the next day and asks:
"So Ole, how was your day?"

Ole tells him he took care of 3 patients. The first one had a
headache so I gave him TYLENOL.
"Bravo ya Ole, and the second one?" says the doctor.
"The second one had stomach burning and I gave him
MAALOX, sir" says Ole.
"Bravo, bravo Ole! You're good at this and what; about the
third one?" asks the doctor.
"Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a
woman enters like a flame, she undresses herself, taking
off her bra and her panties and lies down on the table spread
her legs and shouts:
HELP ME! For 5 years I have not seen any man!!!!!""

And what did you do Ole?" asks the doctor.

"I put eye drops in her eyes."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Adrian Hilton, 26 in Iowa City, Iowa Misdeposit February 7, 2006 - Iowa City, Iowa - AP Banks are great places to leave valuables, like jewelry, birth certificates, cash -- and pot. Adrian Hilton, 26, was accused of depositing a marijuana stash in a Pizza Pit deposit bag and slipping the bundle into a night deposit box at American Bank and Trust last fall. According to a criminal complaint, Hilton, a delivery driver for Pizza Pit, admitted the marijuana was his and that he had inadvertently deposit it. Hilton was charged with possession of marijuana, but Assistant Johnson County Attorney David Tiffany said he would ask a judge to dismiss the charge since a bank teller gave the marijuana back to Hilton when he returned to the bank the next day. "The bank teller gave the marijuana back to him so we didn't have any evidence," Tiffany said. "She was smart enough to call police, but then she gave it back to him." Tiffany said no charges would be filed against the teller. ===========================================
Need some unique Valentines cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards Valentines
=========================================== View from the Webby office. No Global Warming in Black Diamond, Looks like the ice age is coming. Better stock up on snow shovels and snowmobiles! ===========================================
Happy Valentine's Day Greeting Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will!? What will? I'm making a list of the people I'm gonna bite." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?" She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Wrong password in the auto-complete Dear Webby, You have helped me before & I need it again. Under Win XP - control panel - internet options - connections - settings the comp automatically enters the wrong password for Earthlink. I remove it & enter correct one but when i return to settings the incorrect one is entered again. I have removed the account & set it up again only to find the wrong password automatically entered again. How can I permanently correct the password? Missing your daily letter is worse than starting the day w\ out a cup of tea. Appreciate the help. Steve J. Dear Steve Don't rename the Dial Up Network setting. Renaming the catfood bucket to dogfood bucket does not change the contents in the bucket. Make a completely new DUN. Scribble down the dial-up number and whatever info you may need, delete the bad DUN, and make a new one. If you have RoboForm, you can edit the logon info in that. I have used RoboForm for years, and I would be totally lost without it. If you use Windows Auto-Complete, you can turn that off. Click the "Tools" menu and select "Internet Options". From the multi-tabbed dialog box that follows, select the "Content" tab. Click the "AutoComplete" button. An "AutoComplete Settings" dialog box appears. Now, check or uncheck the options you would like. For example, to stop IE6 from automatically entering in web addresses, uncheck the "Web addresses" checkbox. Press "OK" to close this dialog box, then "OK" to close the "Internet Options" dialog box. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 7, 2007 - West Virginia - AP West Virginia is taking drastic steps to shed its status as the third-heaviest state in the nation. More than 1,200 of the state's heaviest public employees have lost 14,000 pounds under one program. And obese Medicaid recipients will soon get to join Weight Watchers for free. West Virginia's Public Employee Insurance Agency decided to target the estimated 60,000 heaviest government workers and teachers after the agency was faced with rising costs related to obesity related health problems and increased demand for lifestyle programs. Eligible employees pay up to $258 in co-payments for a yearlong program that requires them to track their weight, exercise at least twice a week and pay attention to their eating habits. Success is measured, in part, by weight and inches lost, and muscle mass gained. At 297 pounds, elementary school teacher Rhonda Stover considered surgery before learning of the program. ''I had a lot of physical problems with my knees, feet, joints and lower back,'' Stover said. ''I was getting very disabled carrying around all that weight.'' Stover completed the program in October and is now working to keep off the 124 pounds and 71 inches she lost. She has been able to cut the number of prescription drugs she depended on from five to two.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Valentine's Day Tip - Go Out For Drinks Or Dessert Instead of going out for a full fledged meal, try going out to an expensive restaurant and sit in the bar. You can order drinks and something to nibble on, or a decadent dessert to share. Pick a place with a view or romantic ambiance.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A Scotsman was visiting a friend in Canada, both liked to hunt. They were hunting for deer, when all of a sudden, a moose popped up in front of them. It was so unexpected, neither of them had a chance to fire. The Scotsman was shaken. "Hoot mon, wit was that?!!?" "That was a moose", the Canadian replied. "A moose? Good Lord, I'd hate to see yer Rats!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." "So what's the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen. The guide replied, "One." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Air Shows http://www.airshowjournal.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Registry Cleaning 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  Feb 10, 2007
======================================

Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us
many useful objects such as wickerwork picnic baskets.
Imagination without skill gives us modern art.
--- Tom Stoppard

It is our choices that show what we truly are,
far more than our abilities."
--- J.K. Rowling

=======================================

4 days to Guilt Day.
Forget Valentines Day, and you'll find out why it's called
Guilt Day.

Jump on over to the Cardmasters World Championship
and pre-send your Valentines Cards from the best
card sites in the world. At the same time, you can vote for
the best sites. Your votes will deterine the winner.

==============================================

A pastor and two of his deacons are out on the river fishing in their
rowboat.  Twelve o'clock rolls around, and one of the deacons notices a
nice spot on the bank to have lunch.  He turns to the others and says,
"That looks like a nice spot for lunch.  What do you say we have lunch
over there?"

The other deacon agrees, and so does the pastor.  The deacon stands up
in the boat, steps out onto the river and walks over to the bank.  The
pastor looks on with amazement, and thinks to himself, if his deacon is
holy enough to walk on water, surely he can.

The other deacon stands up, picks up the picnic basket, steps out of the
boat, and walks over to the bank and sits with the first deacon.  Again,
to his amazement, the pastor thinks again, if his second deacon is holy
enough to walk on water, surely he can.

The pastor stands up, steps out of the boat, and sinks into the water.
The first deacon turns to the second and says, "Think we should have
told him where the sewer pipe is?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A little boy was roughhousing with his dog.  His mother
said to him, "Now, Peter, I know you love Granger, but
you're loving him too much. How would you feel if someone
huge picked you up and squeezed you so hard you couldn't
breathe?"

The boy thought a moment and then said, "I guess I'd feel
like it was my birthday and Aunt Doreen was here!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to D.J. Brown, 18, Buffalo, MN Cold Run February 6, 2007 - Buffalo, Minnesota - Star Tribune A teenager who wanted to continue the family tradition of running around the garden barefoot during halftime of the Super Bowl game has learned a painful lesson. It was 17 below zero at halftime Sunday in this city about 30 miles northwest of Minneapolis, and D.J. Brown's dad said it was too cold to continue the tradition. But the 18-year-old senior at Buffalo High School ran outside in his T-shirt and jeans, threw off his socks and shoes, and ran around the block. Brown said he was outside only five minutes, but his feet started swelling and blistering when he got back inside. The pain was excruciating. "I consider myself having a high pain threshold, and this was just so 10 out of 10," he said. "I was, like, chewing on a towel." He was treated for second-degree frostbite on both feet at the burn center at Hennepin County Medical Center in Minneapolis and was on crutches and pain medication Monday. His burn specialist said he should be fine, but it'll take a few weeks. "Cold weather is just as dangerous as pouring scalding water on your feet," said Dr. Leslie Smith. Brown, who said he's a straight-A student, chalked up his actions to "teenage arrogance." Brown hopes others will learn from his mistake. "I wouldn't want anyone else to go through this," he said. ===========================================
Need some unique Valentines cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards Valentines
=========================================== Global warming hs been postponed. The ice age is coming first. Please adjust your theories and apply for fresh Government grants. ===========================================
Happy Valentine's Day Greeting Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life. Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found. "He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!" "He said 'will you marry me'?" Marcy asked. Heather replied, "No, he said 'put your money away'." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious but nervous young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked, "What do you want, Sonny?" "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m- ma'am?" he asked. "Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" replied the lady. "S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-what about vinegar bottles?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dave Re: Registry Cleaning Dear Webby, I thank you for telling me how to get rid of IE7. You also sent along a site to download IE7 blocker. I downloaded it to a folder in my Downloads file, then double clicked on the application file. Was this program meant to be embedded in the registry? I don't really want to fool around with that, so I'd like to remove the blocker program, but I can't find it in the add/remove section of the control panel. What to do? Also, if I can take advantage of your help again, are there any programs to clean up the registry which are safe for an obviously inexperienced character such as myself? I've downloaded several (into a folder), but am reluctant to activate one. Love your letter and vote every time - little enough for all the enjoyment I and several others get out of it. Dave Dear Dave Don't worry about Microsoft's most downloaded program, the MSIE7 blocker. It just sets a flag in the automatic update. Regarding all those registry cleaners, don't worry. Most are just hype and hot air, trying to con you into buying blinker fluid and muffler bearings. Your computer runs just fine without them. I reboot my computer once a month, whether it needs it or not, and I run it pretty hard for 16 to 18 hours a day. It works just fine without any silly program mucking about in the registry like a bunch of holier-than-thou, buttoned up spinsters telling me what I should and shouldn't do. Put aside $100 a year, and when you got enough money set aside, buy a new computer and sell the old one for a re-start of your computer fund. And in the meantime, don't worry about the registry. Unless you got infected by some really nasty stuff, Windows takes care of the registry just fine. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 7, 2007 - Seattle, Washington - AP An 82-year-old Seattle man whose walking stick was damaged when he struck a younger man who witnesses say had doused him with lighter fluid is getting a replacement cane from the Seattle Police Officers' Guild. Gus Jones responded to the Jan. 31 downtown Seattle attack by smacking his assailant with his cane. Police say the attacker then ran over to two women, squirted them with lighter fluid and lit a match, singeing their coats and one woman's hair. The women were not seriously injured. Paul Pearson, 50, arrested shortly after the attacks, has been charged with two counts of first-degree assault. The older man survived the ordeal with just a cut to his ring finger. His cane, however, was bent in the attack and rendered unusable. When the Police Guild heard about the case, its board decided to buy Jones a replacement aluminum cane, inscribed with his name, said Sgt. Richard O'Neill, guild president. "Hopefully he won't have to whack someone with it," O'Neill said, adding guild leaders hope to give Jones the cane on Monday. "Maybe if he didn't take the action he did, more people could've been hurt," O'Neill said. "He was fighting back — he wasn't going to be a passive victim."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Valentine's Day Tip - Dining Out For Less You don't need to pick the most expensive restaurant to have a romantic meal. Pick a restaurant that has significance to you and your partner; like the place you had your first date.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
From Mary F. re Halo Statue When I was in high school, my father told the story of the man who wanted a picture painted of "Mama and me mit glass pants." "No, no, no!l" it turned out. What he wanted was "Mama and me with clasped hands." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== From Dorothy Don't Let Them Shoot McNeil River Bears Are you outraged at the thought of trophy hunters killing wild bears who have been taught to trust humans? These wild bears allow people to watch them nurse their cubs while standing 20 feet away. The world famous McNeil River bears are in grave danger. Without your help, and thousands like you, they will be shot by trophy hunters this October. Grizzly bear hunters take only the head and hide. The meat is left to rot. We’re asking for help. It takes just a few minutes of your time: 1) Go to YouTube and watch our 4 minute video, “Don't Let Them Shoot McNeil River Bears.” You'll see bears who have no fear of humans, people who safely watch them, learn why these bears will be shot and what you can do to stop it. This is important! We need thousands of people to see the video to draw further media attention. If you have time for nothing else, please spend 4 minutes to watch this video. 2) Forward this message to everyone you know, even hunters, as ethical hunters don't hunt bears that have no fear of humans. 3) Write a Letter to the Editor to your local newspaper. Simply copy the above Action Alert. The total word count is 197 words, including title. Adjust if necessary. 4) If you want to help more, send a Letter to the Editor to every newspaper in your state. 5) If you have a web site, please consider adding a “Don't Let Them Shoot McNeil River Bears” link to the video. 6) Send a copy of this Action Alert to your governor and legislators. This is a national outrage, and they are in the position to do something about it. 7) Do not hesitate to send this to friends and contacts overseas. The McNeil River bears are a national treasure and people travel from all over the world to see them. In 1995, we thought we had won the battle to protect these bears. Back then, bear hunters entered a lottery to win a chance to shoot a tame McNeil River bear. But Leo & I, who were leaders of a group called Friends of McNeil River, led a drive to thwart the hunt. We encouraged thousands of people to apply for a bear hunting permit and stay home if their names were drawn. It worked. Six of the eight permits awarded went to people who had applied for a permit to save a bear’s life. Now the power of the Internet and YouTube technology gives us a great advantage. Please watch the video YouTube, spread the word, and save the life of a McNeil River bear. On behalf of the bears, thank you! Dorothy & Leo Keeler www.akwildlife.com ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: WebCams http://tinyurl.com/2yfanl
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Downloaded Music 


Good Morning,   !
Friday,  Feb 9, 2007
Wear something red to show support for the troops!
======================================

 All marriages are happy - it's the living together afterward
 that causes all the problems.
--- Socratex

I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow.
--- Woodrow Wilson

=======================================

5 days to Guilt Day.
Forget Valentines Day, and you'll find out why it's called
Guilt Day.

Jump on over to the Cardmasters World Championship
and pre-send your Valentines Cards from the best
card sites in the world. At the same time, you can vote for
the best sites. Your votes will deterine the winner.

==============================================

Thanks to Rubye for this story:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and
my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."

"My dear," the  shrink said, "that's completely natural.
I don't see what the problem is."

"The problem is,"  she complained, "it wakes me up!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was
mangled and torn from his body.  His doctor assured him that
modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that
his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered
cosmetic.  The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small",
$6,500 for "medium", $14,000 for "large."

The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the
doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made
any decision.  The man called his wife on the phone and
explained their options.

The doctor came back into the room, and found the man
 looking dejected.

Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.

The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marshall Mammon, 21 of Cape Coral, Florida Report sent in by Sandy Can't handle his liquor It started out innocently enough at a couple of local bars where Marshall Mammon met his older brother for a few drinks Tuesday night. Before it ended, the 21-year-old was tearing down a Cape Coral side street — naked — in his white Ford Taurus. He ping-ponged from side to side, ripped through 24 mailboxes, flipped off police officers and hit two patrol cars before police caught him. Then they had to stun him with a Taser to get him under control. "We were all speculating on just what was going on with him," resident Kurt Harclerode said as he worked Wednesday to set up a new mailbox. "You have to wonder what's wrong with someone to make them act that way." Steven Mammon said he left the bar around 8 p.m., and his brother waved off a ride, saying he would make it home to his girlfriend and 4-month-old daughter on his own. "Our family is alcoholics," Steven Mammon said. "And we can't drink without getting in trouble." Trouble is exactly what Marshall found about two hours later when residents on Coral Point Drive heard what sounded "like an airplane" roaring down the street. The following was taken from witness accounts and police reports: An off-duty police officer saw what was happening and took off after Mammon in his cruiser, sparking a police chase that reached speeds of up to 50 miles per hour. In Cape Coral, that's a very high speed chase. To visitors, traffic seems to consist mostly of semi-invisible "Q-tips", cruising older Buicks and Caddies at or below 30 miles per hour. Mammon narrowly missed slamming into one patrol car with an officer inside, and when he skidded southbound onto Del Prado Boulevard, he flipped police behind him the finger. Mammon led police to the 1000 block of Veterans Parkway, where he spun 180 degrees after slamming into a median. But he only stopped for a moment before he tried to flee in reverse, hitting two patrol cars in the process. No officers were injured and damage to the patrol cars was minimal. He finally had to stop when he hit a retaining wall. Even then, he was uncooperative with police, so one officer stunned him with a Taser. Lee County EMS took Mammon to Cape Coral Hospital after he admitted using cocaine and complaining of chest pains. He was checked there and released for booking. He is charged with aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer, cocaine possession and fleeing police. Bail has been denied, and more charges are pending. Despite at least five prior arrests and the incident Tuesday night, Steven Mammon said his brother is "a real good dude." "He's worked at the same company for three years; he has a family; he takes care of his kid; he was going to AA for a while," Steven Mammon said. "He had the whole world by his hands, and then he decided to go out drinking. That's what got him." ===========================================
Need some unique Valentines cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards Valentines
=========================================== Thanks to Chris for this picture: Rassling Elk ===========================================
Happy Valentine's Day Greeting Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this story: Once upon a time, in a land far far away, lived a beautiful Queen with magnificent, voluptuous breasts. Troy the Dragon slayer coveted them but he knew that the penalty for fulfilling his wildest desire would be death, should he ever try to touch them. One day Troy revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Albert the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Albert exclaimed that he could very easily arrange for Troy the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost Troy 1000 gold coins for him to arrange it. Without pause, Troy the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Albert the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little of it into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Albert the Physician informed the King and Queen that he knew of this itch and that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this dreadful scourge, and that his tests had shown that in the whole kingdom only the saliva of Troy the Dragon Slayer was of the correct type to cure the itch. The King quickly summoned Troy the Dragon Slayer. Albert the Physician had prepared an antidote in advance and given it to Troy the Dragon Slayer, who concealed it in his jerkin and for the next four hours, Troy worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. He then smuggled the antidote into his mouth and the Queen's itching was gradually relieved, and Troy the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Troy the Dragon Slayer found Albert the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Troy the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Albert the Physician could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh just told him to get lost. The next day, Albert the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underpants. The King immediately summoned Troy the Dragon Slayer. The moral of the story? - - - - - - - - - - - - Pay your bills. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A backslider suddenly began attending church faithfully on Sunday mornings instead of going fishing. The pastor was highly gratified and told him, "How wonderful it makes me feel to see you at services!" "Well, Preacher," said the fisherman, "it's a matter of choice. I'd rather hear your sermon than my wife's." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Downloaded Music Hello Webby, Please excuse my ignorance, there is still a whole lot that I know litte of or zero of. However I am getting better and learning more. I am really interested in the emusic site. WOW, what a fantastic price. I clicked on the link and it said for ipod or mp3 player. That is part of my question. Do I have to have an mp3 or ipod to download the music? Can't I download to my computer and then burn to cd? Like I stated, I am still learning. I have been getting the Humor Letter for 4 to 5 years now and I still look forward to it each day. Your tech support tips have been a great help to me. As far as I am concerned this is not only the best humor newsletter around, it is also the best ezine around. You are the standard, others can only try to compare to Dear Webby. Thank you for the time you spend sending this out. Ron Hi Ron Thanks for the kudos! That text about iPod should actually have been worded as "EVEN for iPod and other MP3 players, not just for computer use." You definitely can play MP3 files on your computer, and also burn them onto CD's and DVD's, same as any other files. Once you have the files on your computer, you can do anything with them. You can even copy them onto a 1 or 2 GB camera memory chip (if you have a chip-reader) and then mail that stamp size chip to a friend as a Valentines gift, or use it to transfer the music to a separate machine. The advantage of camera chips, thumb-drives and key-fob RAM drives over CDs and DVDs are that they are like a hard drive. You can delete files and add new ones when you want a change. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Olympia, Washington - AP Beginning Sunday, public access will be closed to the Mount St. Helens Wildlife Area to reduce stress on wintering elk. The state Department of Fish and Wildlife says the presence of humans can put additional stress on elk during times of cold temperatures and declining food supply. More than 60 elk died of malnutrition and related causes last winter in the wildlife area at the foot of Mount St. Helens. Earlier this month, wildlife biologists counted nearly 400 elk in the 27-hundred-acre wildlife area. The department says that number is likely to grow, depending on the severity of the winter. The closure will last through April 30th. ------------------------------ I found that elk usually don't really give a hoot about people. Just this morning, when I was shoveling snow, I noticed fresh tracks through the front yard, and saw more in the back yard, though those may have been deer tracks. If they are concerned, that elks were malnourished or hungry, why not simply organize a hay run and let photographers sled in a bale of hay each? There would be more hay bales than elk in no time flat. People LIKE doing stuff like that. Have FUN! DearWebby
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Valentine's Day Tip - Eat a Romantic Meal at Home One way to save money on Valentine's Day is to have a candlelit dinner at home. A nice meal with a good bottle of wine can be even more special than eating at a restaurant and at a fraction of the cost. If you don't feel like cooking, you can order dinner from your favorite restaurant that offers carry out. Create the atmosphere of dining out by setting the table with your best dishes and candles.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Guido's first job when he got to the United States was sweeping the floors in a pizzeria. After 15 years of hard work, Guido owned not only the store he started in, but a chain of 50 pizza stores. Guido believes it's now time to relax a little bit. Enjoy the fruits of his hard labor. He calls a contractor to have a huge mansion built for himself. Guido tells the contractor, "Makea you sure you puta lotsa da halo statues inna da house. I wanna have lotsa da halo statues in my mansion, capiche? One inna every room. One in da kitchen. One in da bathroom. Every room!" The contractor is impressed with how religious Guido is, promises to do a good job, and carefully plans a niche in every room for Guido's statues. The contractor personally searches for just the perfect religious statues for each room. Finally, the house is completed and the contractor takes Guido on a tour of Guido's new mansion. The contractor is full of pride showing off his work, but Guido looks concerned and fretful. Finally, the contractor says, "Is there something wrong, sir?" "Wherea are alla my halo statues?" Guido cries. The contractor points to the different statues he's carefully selected and placed everywhere. "They're in every room, sir, just like you asked!" Guido replies, "No no no! I doan wanna no Saintas. I wanna da halo statues!" "Sir?" "You know? Halo statues! Deya ring-a-ding-ding! You picka dem up, anna you say, 'Halo? Stat you?" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== When I was in the fourth grade, we had the horrible Mr. Johnson as our teacher. Once he got called to the office. When he got back, he found all of us sitting absolutely still and quiet. Shocked, he asked, "Boys and girls, I've never seen anything like this. It's wonderful. But what made you all act so well behaved and quiet?" We all looked at each other and I finally raised my hand. "Well," I said, "one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you'd drop dead." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: HDJ, Illustrator http://www.howarddavidjohnson.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: AOL User Malfunctions 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Feb 8, 2007
======================================

I believe life is a series of near misses. A lot of what we
ascribe to luck is not luck at all. It's seizing the day and
accepting responsibility for your future.
--- Howard Schultz

=======================================

6 days to Guilt Day.
Forget Valentines Day, and you'll find out why it's called
Guilt Day.

Jump on over to the Cardmasters World Championship
and pre-send your Valentines Cards from the best
card sites in the world. At the same time, you can vote for
the best sites. Your votes will deterine the winner.

==============================================

Our son, who's in the Army stationed in Georgia, invited my
husband and me for a visit. After driving endlessly through
unfamiliar streets in search of an entrance to Fort Stewart,
my husband suddenly said, "We're getting closer."

"How do you know?" I asked.

He pointed to a sign that read, "Sonny's Bar & Grill -- Tank
Parking Available."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Lori for this story:
No matter how hard my mom tries, every plant or flower she
has attempted to grow seems to wither and die an untimely
death under her care. But she never gives up hope. While she
was visiting home recently, my sister nudged me and pointed
to a line of new plants placed by the kitchen window.
"Look," she whispered, "death row."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rescue crews in Rosvick, Sweden Report sent in by Karl in DenCo Snip-happy A taxi operator had one less car in his fleet on Tuesday after rescue services mistakenly cut the roof off a Mercedes Benz E 270. One of Hans Lantto's drivers was out on a job near Rosvik in northern Sweden when he came across an accident. A bus had collided with a car, leaving two people injured. The driver stopped to see if he could help, newspaper NSD reports. With temperatures down to a perishing -25 degrees Celsius, the two injured parties walked over to the car and asked if they could take shelter inside. "Being a nice guy he let them sit there. One of them was shaking like a leaf," Lantto told NSD. Together they waited for emergency services to arrive. Soon Hans Lantto received a call from the bus driver, who has been in a state of shock ever since. The driver explained that emergency services had begun arriving in numbers. They asked where they could find the two people who had been injured. He pointed them in the direction of the taxi and a decision was quickly taken to slice the taxi's roof off. Fearing for Lantto's taxi, the driver informed the rescue workers that the pair were just warming up and taking shelter in the taxi and had in fact been injured while travelling in a totally different vehicle. But a decision had been taken and there was nothing the incredulous taxi driver could do to stop it. Rather than ask whether the victims were in a fit state to get out of the car, emergency services proceeded with operation roof removal. "I don't know who made the decision, whether it was medical staff or rescue services," said Lantto. His next problem is to convince his insurance company that he is not making it up. "They said it wasn't possible," said Lantto, who is determined not to pay for any damage. Rescue services in Piteå have said that the decision was correct, having been made after consultation between rescue staff and medical personnel. Per Isaksson, who led the rescue operation, stands by the decision. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Kati for this picture: Landing is going to hurt! ===========================================
Happy Valentine's Day Greeting Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Jennifer had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went. "Pretty good, I think," replied Jennifer, "but if I go to work there I won't get a vacation until I'm married." Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. "Is that what they told you?" "No",replied Jennifer, "but right on the application it said 'vacation time may notbe taken until you've had your First Anniversary.'" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== For a holiday, an Irishman decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin. "We're saved!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!" "Sure," said the Irishman. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: AOL Postmaster Re: AOL USER MALFUNCTION. The newest AOL report, about Tuesday's results, shows that they experienced a 0.44% rate of AOL USER MALFUNCTIONS. Dear AOL victims Please try to sober up enough before reading your mail, so that you don't accidentally hit the THIS IS SPAM button on your phone bill, court summons or Humor Letter. It makes you look stupid and provokes your postmaster into acting even more incompetent than he normally is. Remember, the THIS IS SPAM button is not a vote button, even if a joke hits too close to home. Every time you hit that button on legitimate mail, it is counted as another AOL USER MALFUNCTION. Full moon is over now, so please smarten up! If any of you know how to contact a live person at AOL, please tell them that their pathetic sniveling about AOL USER MALFUNCTION.S just makes ALL AOLers look stooopid. We know that a certain percentage actually is, but there is no need to advertise that. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 6, 2007 - Halifax, Nova Scotia - Canadian Press For any student who has struggled to pay for tuition while dining on macaroni and cheese, finding an abandoned wad of $10,000 in cash would be too good to be true. But when Jaime Hawkins of Riverview, New Brunswick, stumbled upon a "loaf-of-bread-sized" stack of $20 bills next to a bank machine at Saint Mary's University in Halifax, the finance major immediately realized he couldn't keep the loot. "I was just so overwhelmed with the amount of money," Hawkins, 29, said Tuesday, about four weeks after the incident. "It just felt like the right thing to do to hand it over. I had this little voice inside of me that said, 'It's not yours. Hand it in.' " The stack, wrapped in elastic bands and barely visible beneath a shelving unit, was mistakenly left behind by two security guards who were refilling the machine in the student union building. Although it was short-lived, Hawkins said he enjoyed his newfound fortune by pumping his money-filled fist into the air and yelling, "party time" as astonished cafeteria-goers looked on, mouths agape. He then handed the entire stack to a worker at the student union building, who was "taken aback" when presented with the loot. Hawkins said he "feels good" about his decision even though he is now strapped for cash. About a week after finding the money, he discovered his New Brunswick student loan had been reassessed, meaning he'll receive nearly $6,000 less than he initially thought. An extra $10,000 would have come in handy, especially for a student with a debt load of close to $50,000. "I've had a lot of people tell me that I was an idiot for handing it in," he said, laughing. "But at the same time, they say, 'You're a good guy for doing that.' " Toronto-based Group 4 Securicor, the firm that misplaced the money, said Hawkins and the student union building worker would each receive $500 rewards. "It's nice to know there's honest people in the world with integrity, whose mothers raised them right," said company spokeswoman Robin Steinberg, adding she believed the money had been there for "a very short time span."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Bugs from Your Car Baking soda is great for removing bugs from your car before you wash it. Just put a little soda on a wet sponge and smear it on the bugs, then wash as usual. The more bugs you have the more soda you will need. By Dyann We don't have a lot of bugs here in Alberta at this time of year. Actually it's snowing right now. When using baking soda, keep in mind that it is abrasive, and harder than the top coat of your cars paint job or the window. Don't scrub too hard when you try that! A little squirt with DW40, a minute before you use a regular washer, does the trick quite nicely, even for very high speed splats, that almost went right through the paint. By the way, DW40 also lifts tar splatters. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A motorcycle cop was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix... The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the ultra sticky kind... Written in large black letters was the sentence, "Get well soon! Luv, from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week!" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== I look forward to your email everyday. It is one that no matter how busy I am, I always read yours. It makes a busy hectic day worth it so when I get home, I get my chuckle and laugh. Donna NF ----------------------------- I want to offer a giant THANKS for making my day every day. Each day, I vote for your humor letter. I'm terribly disappointed that the numbers are going up so slowly. It's so simple for your readers to do. The only time I don't vote is if I don't get to read my mail one day; since I can't vote twice the next day, I can't give one vote for every time I read. Thank you SO MUCH. Tess ---------------------------------- thanks Webby for sending me the Humor Letter I always get a kick out of the jokes and the tips are really good Please keep up the good work, Anne Some times I don't get the pictures are they censored Dear Ann Whenever the cons at eircon.net censor your pictures, just go to http://webby.com/humor and see what everybody else got in their mail. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Black and orange, volcanoes at night http://tinyurl.com/236e3c
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Legal Music Downloads 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  Feb 6, 2007
======================================

The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the
hygiene of older people, and greatly assists in the
circulation of their blood.
--- Logan Pearsall Smith

Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.
--- Gerald R. Ford

=======================================

My Aunt Myrtie was in the fertilized egg business when I was
young. She had several hundred young layers, called pullets,
and 8 or 10 roosters whose job it was to fertilize the eggs.
My aunt kept records, and any rooster or pullet that didn't
perform well went into the pot and was replaced. Now, this
took an awful lot of time.

So my aunt got a set of tiny bells and attached them to her
roosters so she could hear them chasing pullets. Now she
could sit on the porch and still fill out an efficiency report
by listening to the bells.

My aunt's favorite rooster was Old Fart. A very fine
specimen he was, but his bell had not rung all morning.
Aunt Myrtie went to investigate.

Several roosters were chasing pullets, bells a ringing.
O. F. had his bell in his beak so it couldn't ring. He'd
sneak up on a  pullet, have his way with her and walk
on to the next one.

Aunt Myrtie was so proud of O.F., she entered him in the
county fair. Old Fart  was an overnight sensation.

The judges awarded him both the No Bell Prize,
and the Pullet Surprise.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

An applicant was filling out a job application.  When he came
to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote,
"No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in
the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mario Visnjic in Valalta, Croatia Beach Balls Thanks to Sandie for scanning that and sending it in. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sue for this picture: Hoar frost ===========================================
Happy Valentine's Day Greeting Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today.'" ===========================================
LEGAL Music First 25 downloads are free. Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Ruth for this: Why do our kids have to take the Iowa Test for Basic Skills? Why can't we have a 'Bama Test of Basic Skills with questions like, "Bubba's got three cars and he done traded for two more. How many cement blocks is Bubba gonna need?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cathi and many others Re: I got the picture OK Dear Webby, I got the picture OK the first time. Cathi Dear Cathi and all who wrote the same thing. When I write the Humor Letter I don't paste the pictures into it like you do with regular email. I link to them, just like a web page does. Whatever happens to be at the location that the link points to, is what you see. Because of the hardware problem I had here in the office, the picture at that linked location was sawed off. When I found out, I quickly logged on with my emergency and travel account at Earthlink, and re-uploaded that picture. Because probably about five thousand of you had already received and read the Humor Letter by then, I figured the proper thing to do was to fess up and apologize and send the picture again. Since most spam control programs these days dump mail that has just a picture, I had to add a bunch of text to "balance" the content. The fastest way to do that was to mention the 25 free and perfectly legal music downloads. Re those music downloads: There won't be a charge on your credit or debit card that is used to verify that you are over 18 and won't suffer permanent childhood misdevelopement if you accidentally choose to download a song that has naughty words in it, if you cancel your account in 14 days. No charge, and you get to keep the 25 downloads, just for giving them a chance to show how good they are. You don't have to cancel your account after you got your loot downloaded. If you don't cancel, then they charge you $9.95 and you get another 30 downloads, same high quality as the first 25 that you selected. That works out to 33 cents per track. Yes, 33 cents, one third of what MusicMatch charges. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 2, 2007 - Manila, Philippines - AP A Vietnamese fishing boat rescued nine Filipino fishermen who spent four days adrift in the South China Sea, officials said Friday. The men were spotted on Wednesday clinging to an improvised raft 150 miles west of Subic, said Commander Joseph Coyme, Philippine coast guard spokesman. The fishermen's motorboat had capsized on Jan. 27 after big waves and strong winds snapped the craft's outrigger, a coast guard report said. In the next three days, several foreign vessels passed but did not stop to rescue the drifting men, the report said. On the fourth day, crewmen from the Vietnamese fishing boat plucked them from the sea. A coast guard vessel was sent to the area to pick up the fishermen, who were treated by a doctor on board and then brought to coast guard headquarters in Manila on Friday, officials said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fighting Mildew with Bleach Fighting mildew? Bleach and water! Just put it in a spray bottle. We recently had a severe mildew problem on all of our walls and windows. A spray bottle with a little bit of bleach and lots of water did the trick and got in those tough corners too. By Mara
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, son?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the boy finished. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out!!!" ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Taming the icon mess 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Feb 5, 2007
======================================

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
--- Oscar Wilde

Idealism is what precedes experience;
cynicism is what follows.
--- David T. Wolf

=======================================

A school bus full of kindergarten students was taking the
children home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting
in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian. The
children began discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child came to a different conclusion.
"They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Bob told Harriet that their relationship was made in Heaven.

She said, "Yeah, but so is rain, hail, tornadoes, flash
floods, earthquakes, monsoons, and hurricanes."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ivo Jerbic, 55, from Prikraj, Croatia Fiery comment about laundry January 29, 2007 - Prikraj, Croatia - Hina News An angry husband who threw old clothes into the garden and set fire to them because he couldn't find any clean underpants accidentally burnt his home down. Ivo Jerbic, 55, from Prikraj, near Zagreb, told police he had lost his temper after failing to find any clean underpants in a closet full of old clothes. He had thrown them all in the garden and set fire to them. He told police: "My wife never throws anything out, I just lost my temper." But the fire spread to the house which burned to the ground. Local news agency Hina reported that Jerbic could end up in jail for up to eight years for putting other family members in danger, even though no one was injured. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Jlona for this picture: Waldo and his favorite groupie, Antoinette ===========================================
Happy Valentine's Day Greeting Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin", and, "Keep away from children". =========================================== Thanks to Mike from http://greeting-cards-4u.com for telling me about this great deal for getting legal music without any spyware or pop-ups or back-doors:
LEGAL Music First 25 downloads are free. Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A golfer sliced the ball from the tee over the hill into a valley. Hearing a yell, he dashed to the top of the hill to see a man lying unconscious below. When the golfer ran down to the man, the stricken fellow opened one eye and said calmly, "I'm a lawyer and I'm going to sue you for five thousand dollars." "I'm so sorry," the golfer replied, "but I did yell, 'Fore!'." And the lawyer said, "I'll take it." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Taming the Icon Mess Dear Webby, I have lots of icons on my desktop that are so handy but it sure distracts from my picture. I have a Dell laptop, Windows XP. I have seen a couple of ways to hide the icons but would like you to tell me a safe way as I trust you more than others. I don't want to take a chance of losing them. Thanks Carolyn Dear Carolyn All the Hide-Icon programs are more nuisance than they are worth, since to get at the icons, when you need them, you still got to unhide the whole disorganized mess. And there is your key: Organize them! Make a few thematic folders on the desktop, for example Music, Pix, Alpha, Numeric, Sites, Pages. Then drag your icons into the folders of their topic. By the way, you CAN give the folders distinct icons. With some older versions of Windows you have to use the XP PowerToys from your install CD or from Microsoft Downloads to turn that ability on. To get you started, here is an icon I once painted, that you can use for your music folder: http://webby.com/downloads/mus.ico http://webby.com/downloads/mus.ico Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 3, 2007 - Kewaskum, Wisconsin - AP Police Chief Richard Knoebel says he wasn't about to take the easy way out when he accidentally drove past a stopped school bus with its emergency lights flashing. For violating traffic laws, Knoebel wrote himself a ticket for $235, docked himself four points on his driving record and paid the fine the next day. It happened in September but didn't make news until after the fine appeared in court records and was reported by a West Bend newspaper. Knoebel says he doesn't mind getting the belated attention, if it serves to raise awareness. ''If it brings notice to people that they should be stopping for school buses, I don't mind the notoriety,'' he said. He said he was on patrol on four-lane U.S. 45 when he was distracted by a stopped dump truck. He saw a car coming from behind and thought it might hit the truck, so he moved to pass the truck before he saw the stopped school bus in the far lane. He said he didn't realize he had passed the bus until it was too late.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Ahead
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind speed and direction. The longer he takes, the more irritated his partner becomes. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball." The golfer says, "My wife and her mother are up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," his partner says. "You'll never hit her from here." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Groan Alert! Practice safe eating - always use condiments. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons? Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. Banning the bra was a big flop A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor. When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Cut Crayon Art http://tinyurl.com/2hbkm8
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Restore Points 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Feb 4, 2007
======================================

Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.
--- James Stephens

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for bringing back this Classic:

Never bring plants into the house.

Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis)
can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.

Here's why.

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a
recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to
protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one
of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife
saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room
naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake
under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About
that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He
thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the
floor.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told
him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded
him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the
Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher.

That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she
called on a neighbor man.

He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up
newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was
gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where
she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the
snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR
to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the
grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and
slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned
goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed
stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor
lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that
he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a
small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now the police had arrived.

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a
drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when
the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake.

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his
sobbing wife.

The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa.

One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it.

He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell
over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a
fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the
window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped
out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid
it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, the burning drapes, were seen by the neighbors who called
the fire department.

The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were
halfway down the street.

The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the
electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block
area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was
repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all
was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a
cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought
they should bring in their plants for the night.

That's when he shot her.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A man woke up one morning to find his wife packing her
bags.  "Where the heck are you going?" demanded the husband.

The wife replied, "You know all this free sex I've been
giving you all these years?  Well I just found out I can
get $200 a shot for it out in Las Vegas."

With that the husband jumped out of bed and began packing
HIS bags, too.

"Where do you think you're going?" demanded the wife.

"I want to see how you can live on $400 a year!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kevin Mair, 25 of Plantation, Florida No history in tech school curriculum February 2, 2007 - Coconut Creek, Florida - AP A 25-year-old student angry that his technical school wasn't teaching about black history walked into his business class Friday and stabbed three school officials with a screwdriver, police said. Kevin Mair of Plantation walked into his classroom at Atlantic Technical Center using a cane and sound-blocking headphones similar to those used in a gun range, said Officer Anthony Avello of the Coconut Creek Police Department. Mair became agitated and "expressed his displeasure about the lack of black history being taught at the school," Avello said. The teacher asked Mair to leave and called for staff assistance, he said. Mair then attacked the three victims with a screwdriver he took to school, officials said. An assistant director of the school was stabbed in the back and two security specialists in the arms. The three were later released from the hospital. Mair fled in his car, was involved in a car crash and tried to run from officers but was apprehended. He will be charged with multiple counts of aggravated battery, authorities said. Have FUN! DearWebby ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sue for this picture: Good morning Webby I quite look forward to turning on the computer in the morning, and reading your humour letter. I have attached a photo of elk stags which I took on New Years Day in the river hills, along the Saskatchewan river not 7 miles south of Beechy. Thank you Sue ===========================================
Happy Valentine's Day Greeting Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While waiting they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?, " they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Jeez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer!?" =========================================== Thanks to Mike from http://greeting-cards-4u.com for telling me about this great deal for getting legal music without any spyware or pop-ups or back-doors:
LEGAL Music First 25 downloads are free. Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Subject: LOVERS LANE A cop was patrolling at night in a well-known spot for "parking." He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light on. He gets closer to the car and sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine and a young woman on the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and knocks at the window. The young man lowers his window... -Yes, officer? What are you doing? Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine... Pointing towards the young woman, the cop says: And her, what is she doing? The young man shrugs: I believe she's knitting a pullover... The cop is totally confused. A young couple alone in a car at night... and nothing obscene is happening! What's your age, young man? -I'm 25, sir... -And her, what's her age? The young man looks at his watch and says: -She'll be 18 in 20 minutes... ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandie Re: Dumping restore points Dear Webby, Should I do this suggestion below, a lady I know sent this and said doing this may help clear up some space???? Sandie How to free up disk space by removing old restore points. Click start, all programs, accessories, system tools, clean up. The clean up wizard appears and scans the drive on which windows is installed (usually C ). After it scans click OK then "More options" "Remove restore points". Wizard asks if you want to remove all but the last restore point, if so click OK. Then confirm OK. Dear Sandie IF and when you are running out of space, then you may want to think about that. Until then, don't worry about it. The restore points are just text and don't amount to beans. If you need space, first go after duplicates of 5MB or bigger movies. Dumping big stuff makes a much bigger difference. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 2, 2007 - Czarna, Dabrowka, Poland - Ananova A suspected car thief was tracked down by police after he left his false teeth at the crime scene. Police say Wojtek Lekowsky, 54, broke into a car in Czarna Dabrowka in northwest Poland and stole a stereo, but lost his teeth when he tried to make a quick getaway after the car alarm went off. He was tracked down using dental records. Police charged him with robbery. Police spokesman Roman Krakowiak said: "He tried to tell us that while the false teeth were his and they had been stolen from him, and he had not been anywhere near the car at the time of the theft. But we knew he is lying through his dentures."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Ahead A lot of time cooking is spent waiting around for one thing or another to get done. Water needs to boil or the oven needs to heat up. Start working on tomorrow's meal with this time. You will appreciate the head start. Is that more fun than doing your email in the meantime, until the smoke alarm, ahem, kitchen timer, goes off? Yeah, I read about your cooking '-) Here is what Dona wrote about yesterday's tip: Too Cool, Brought back memory's of a childhood friend who saw her Pop kiss her Moms arce. She said she was going to cut the cake in half with a thread to frost the middle. He said he would kiss her arce if she did. Right there in the kitchen, with her, and three of her siblings, her Mom dropped her drawers! Life Is Good! Dona
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the Condo clubhouse, when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five finish playing the hand standing up. Then Finkelstein looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell his wife?" They draw straws and Goldberg picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse. Goldberg says, "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet mensch you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Then Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants. Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost five hundred dollars in a poker game and is afraid to come home." Mrs. Meyerwitz yells, "TELL HIM HE SHOULD DROP DEAD!" And Goldberg says, "Okay, I'll go tell him." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Five doctors went duck hunting one day. Included in the group were a general practice (GP) physician, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon and a pathologist. After a time, a bird came winging overhead. The first to react was the GP who raised his shotgun, but then hesitated. "I'm not quite sure it's a duck," he said, "I think that I will have to get a second opinion." And of course by that time, the bird was long gone. Another bird appeared in the sky there after. This time, the pediatrician drew a bead on it. He too, however, was unsure if it was really a duck in his sights and besides, it might have babies. "I'll have to do some more investigations," he muttered, as the creature made good its escape. Next to spy a bird flying was the sharp-eyed psychiatrist. Shotgun shouldered, he was more certain of his intended prey's identity. "Now, I know it's a duck, but does it know it's a duck?" The fortunate bird disappeared while the fellow wrestled with this dilemma. Finally, a fourth fowl sped past and this time the surgeon's weapon pointed skywards. BOOM!! The surgeon lowered his smoking gun and turned nonchalantly to the pathologist beside him. "Go see if that was a duck, will you?" ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby: The Calendar 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  Feb 3, 2007
======================================

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls
 while they are still rolling.
---  Mark Twain

If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook
If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.
--- Hackers Anonymous

Curiosity will conquer fear even more than bravery will.
--- James Stephens

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for this report:

New Sign in Bank Lobby
Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through
ATM  machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without
leaving  their  vehicles. Customers using this new facility
are requested to use the  procedures outlined  below when
accessing their accounts.

 After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE  procedures
have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for
your gender.

     MALE PROCEDURE:

     1. Drive up to the cash machine.
     2. Put down your car window.
     3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
     4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
     5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
     6. Put window up.
     7. Drive off.

    **********************************************

    FEMALE PROCEDURE:

     1. Drive up to cash machine.
     2. Reverse and back up required distance to align car
       window with machine
     3. Set parking brake, put window down.
     4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat
       to locate card
     5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and
       hang up
     6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
     7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to
       its excessive distance from car.
     8. Insert card.
     9. Re-insert card right way.
    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with PIN written on
       inside back page.
    11. Enter PIN.
    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct  PIN.
    13. Enter amount of cash required.
    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash
       inside.
    17. Write debit amount in check register and place
       receipt in back of checkbook.
    18. Re-check makeup.
    19. Drive forward 2 feet.
    20. Reverse back to cash machine.
    21. Retrieve card.
    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card
       into appropriate slot.
    23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
    25. Redial person on cell phone.
    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
    27. Release Parking Brake.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A young man was talking to a girl that he had just met, and
asked her name.

"I don't want to tell you," she said, "I'm named after both
of my parents, and it's kind of embarrassing."

"Well, what could be so bad about that?" the young man asked.

"My mother's name is Eliza, and my father's name is Ferdinand."
the girl answered.

"Well, those are nice names" the guy replied.

"It would be if they wouldn't have named me FerdEliza!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Snooties vs Hooties in Big Beaver February 2, 2007 - Troy, Michigan - AP A fight to discourage Hooters restaurant from expanding in a well-to-do Detroit suburb by blocking its liquor licence has backfired: now there are two restaurants just three kilometres apart. Troy, a high-income city of just 80,000 people and home to the state’s only Neiman Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue department stores, now has another distinction. It is the only non-resort city of its size to have two Hooters. “You come directly off the interstate and that’s the first thing you come to,” said Wade Fleming, a councilman who voted in June to reject the transfer of a liquor licence to the new Hooters restaurant from a tavern that once operated at the same location. “That starts to define Troy, I think, and that’s not how we’d like to define Troy.” Hooters executives want just one restaurant in Troy but the company won’t close the old one until it’s allowed to serve alcohol at the new restaurant, which opened Monday on a larger, more visible site. Critics are concerned that the restaurants’ servers don’t fit the image the city seeks to project in its Big Beaver commercial district. Fleming said officials are trying to make the area a “world-class corridor.” After Hooters was denied a liquor licence, it went ahead with plans for the new location, obtaining building permits and spending about US$1 million renovating what had been a dilapidated bar. Attempts to reach a compromise that would have allowed the new location to serve alcohol failed. Sixteen dry beer taps stared back at the patrons who lined the bar this week but manager Mark Grant said the lack of alcohol didn’t hurt opening-day business. And it didn’t faze the mostly male, mostly business-lunch crowd at the restaurant Tuesday. “I think the Troy City Council, by drawing attention to this whole situation, put Hooters in the newspapers. It kind of backfired somewhat,” said Dave Sanback, who lives and works in Troy. He came with two co-workers and ordered the buffalo chicken sandwich — “the waitress’s favourite, I might add.” ---------------------------------------------- They call their commercial district "Big Beaver", but get snooty about some poor innocent, and in Michigan apparently almost extinct, good looking waitresses. You can download the 2007 Hooters Calendar free. Just right-click this link and select SAVE AS. 2007 Hooters Calendar http://webby.com/humor/i/hooters2007.jpg Print it out for your favorite hooters fan. By the way, if they want to turn Big Beaver into a "world-class corridor", welcoming nice restaurants like Hooters would help them a lot more than all the dingy truckstop diners they have. If I am hungry, I'll pull off the freeway for a Hooters, or a Denny's, but JOE'S DIESEL CHICKEN just makes me check how far it is to a slighlty classier town. Have FUN! DearWebby ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to John for this picture: Northern Logging ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A young man had completed medical school. He went back home to the small town to work with his father. They went out the first day to make house calls. As they went in the first house the father said now you watch me so you will know what to do. Inside, a woman was in the bed and she looked terrible. The old doctor checked her out. He was making notes when he dropped his pen to the floor. He picked it up and told the woman she need to quit cleaning and working so hard in her house, she just needed rest. When they got outside, the son asked how he knew that she was cleaning too much. The old doctor said that when he dropped his pen, the floor was so clean that there wasn't a speck of dust anywhere. When they arrived at the next house, the father told his son that it was his turn to examine the patient. At this house too, the woman was in bed, looking terrible. The young doctor took her blood pressure and pulse, asked a few questions, and made some notes. Then he dropped his pen and reached down to pick it up. He told the woman that she was doing too much church work, and needed to cut down on what she did. When the two doctors went outside, the old doctor asked the young one how he knew that she was doing too much church work. The young one said, "Well, when I bent down to pick up my pen, I saw the preacher under the bed." =========================================== Interview Phrases Translation Phrase: I'm extremely adept at all manners of office organization. Meaning: I've used Microsoft Works. Phrase: I'm honest, hard-working and dependable. Meaning: I pilfer office supplies. Phrase: I take pride in my work. Meaning: I blame others for any mistakes. Phrase: I am very cooperative. Meaning: I don't have headaches. Phrase: I'm personable. Meaning: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers. Phrase: I am very adaptable. Meaning: I've changed jobs a lot. Phrase: I am on the go. Meaning: I'm never at my desk. Phrase: I'm highly motivated to succeed. Meaning: The minute I find a better job, I'm outta here. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: George Re: Stripmail Dear Webby, Do you have the URL that I can use to download 'Stripmail'? Thanks - George Dear George Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Scroll down a bit till you see the stop sign with the AOL flag (>>>) on it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 2, 2007 - Forden, Welshpool, Wales - Ananova A rottweiler has been helping to rear two lambs born in need of extra love and attention in Wales. Molly has been using her maternal instincts to help owner, farmer Maria Foster, rear two lambs called Lucky and Charm. Ms Foster, a 38-year-old mother-of-two from Forden, Welshpool, said drastic action was needed to improve their circulation following a traumatic birth last Friday. "We had to put them in the Aga to warm them up, and as soon as did so, Molly was all over them licking their faces," she said. Molly slept with the pair at night, and even protected them from other animals. "The first 12 to 24 hours for a lamb are absolutely crucial and if Molly hadn't been doing what she was doing, I would have had to have been there rubbing the lambs through most of the night to keep their circulation going," said Ms Foster. "She could have ignored them but she didn't and it is quite comical to see." Ms Foster added: "The cat came into the kitchen the other day and walked over to the bucket where the lambs were sleeping, but Molly pushed her away as if to say: 'They are mine.' "She will let the sheepdog have a look, but only for so long before she pushes him away as well."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uneven Cake Layers Sometimes you bake a cake layer that comes out just a little bit lopsided. Level the layer with a serrated knife. Then apply a coat of frosting to the rough edge leftover from the cut. Let the frosting dry before frosting the rest of the cake. If serrated knifes just make it worse for you, like they do for me, try my trick: Put a book into a plastic bag and put it into the cake pan. Lay the cooled cake on top of that. Youmay have to use a thicker or thinner book to raise the cake just enough so that the planned cut line is level with the edge of the pan. Then take some dental floss and "saw" what is sticking above the edge off. The cake pan's top edge is a perfect guide and you will get a much smoother cut than with a knife. Just keep the floss good and tight while you saw with 4-5 inch left-right strokes towards you. Floss normally cuts much smoother than a knife, but if you need a perfectly smooth and not too absorbent top for a thin hard chocolate glaze, turn the cut layers upside down. If you greased the pan a bit, then the bottom will be better. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What must hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion? ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Q :What's the difference between the Government and the Mafia? A: One of them is organized. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Hand Art http://snipurl.com/197to
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Restore trashed spam 


Good Morning,   !
Friday,  Feb 2, 2007
Wear something red to show support for the troops!
======================================

Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally
 responsible when he makes a hole-in-one.
---  Bishop Sheen

Golf is a game invented by the same people who
 think music comes out of a bagpipe.
--- Lee Trevino

=======================================

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting
of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit.
"They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so
beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out,
"they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this
is paradise. They are Russian."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Negotiations between union members and their employer were
at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were
flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief
negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper,
"This man," he announced, "Called in Sick yesterday!"

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly
ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament
with an excellent score.

The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.
"Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have
had if he hadn't been sick!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to City of Boston, MA This Bonehead report was submitted by Dawn Scared of Blinky BOSTON (AP) -- In nine cities across the country, blinking electronic signs displaying a profane, boxy-looking cartoon character caused barely a stir. But in Boston, the signs - some with visible wires - sent a wave of panic across the city, bringing out bomb squads and prompting officials to shut down highways, bridges and part of the Charles River. Something that was mildly amusing in other cities was not funny to authorities here. Officials defended their reaction Thursday even as two men charged in the case, and some residents, mocked the response as overblown. Young Bostonians familiar with the unconventional marketing tactics used by many companies tended to see the city's reaction as unmitigated hysteria. The page size blinkies look like a high school science fair project with four batteries powering a bunch of blinking LEDs depicting an angry cartoon meatball. There is nothing concealed or devious about the device, just a perforated circuit board with a bunch of LEDs, four batteries and a few basic voltage regulation components in a corner. Boston officials claimed they spent $750,000 on bomb squads removing the blinkies. Officials have vowed to hold responsible Turner Broadcasting Inc., the parent company of the Cartoon Network, which airs the series about a talking milkshake, a box of fries and a meatball. Los Angeles police used them for a fun scavenger hunt and training exercise. However, they didn't find all of them, even though they were given a list of their locations. Made famous by the hysterical reaction in Boston, some were snatched up by enterprising locals and quickly offered on ebay. One even wound up in an art gallery. In New York 54 of the 56 blinkies that had been placed, had been stolen before the police got to them. By the way, by the time Boston authorities realized that this was a case of advertising without a permit and escalated it into a major security scare, the blinkies had been blinking in Boston for three weeks. The devices didn't prompt calls of concern in any of the nine other cities where Turner said the devices were placed. Police in the other cities fanned out to find and remove them after Boston's hysterics. Two men who authorities say were paid to place the devices around the city pleaded not guilty Thursday to placing a hoax device and disorderly conduct. Peter Berdovsky, 27, and Sean Stevens, 28, were released on $2,500 cash bond - apparently very amused by the situation, even though they face up to five years in prison. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Libby for this picture: Global Warming in South Carolina ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Two bored dealers are waiting around for someone to walk up and try their luck at the craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet twenty- thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. The dealers agree. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm half naked." With that she strips naked from the waist up, and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs a new bra!" She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. "YES! I WIN! I WIN!" With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?" The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching the dice!" =========================================== The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang. "You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably. "All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of ten, it's for you!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Betty Re: Restoring trashed spam Dear Webby, I have Mailwasher and have tried to restore some email recently for the first time and cannot get it to restore. Can you help me. I get the message that the restored mail is being sent to ****@sbcglobal.net. Then I get an error message that the connection to the in coming server was reset, check the Internet connection, which I did and it seemed ok to me. What do I need to do to correct the problem. Thank you, Betty Dear Betty In MailWasher, go to TOOLS, OPTIONS, GENERAL SET SMTP Server You have to set the same SMTP server as in your email program. I know it's a nuisance when you travel and use different connections every night, but without that MailWasher can't send the retrieved mail from your 3-day spam trash to your yahoo/sbcglobal mailbox. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 29, 2007 - ST. Louis, Missouri - AP Cujo was a frisky 7-year-old when he sneaked out of his owners' south St. Louis yard in July 2000. Now, thinner and grayer and with a tale that would be fascinating if only he could tell it, the golden retriever is back with the Barczewski family. "It's a miracle," Noreen Barczewski, 41, said at Friday's reunion. "We found him!" Six years and a side trip to Columbia can do a lot to a dog, but it was unmistakably Cujo. There was the heart-shaped patch of white on his forehead, the white fur on his toes, his manner of greeting people by rubbing against them cat-style. Cujo's homecoming was orchestrated by Dirk's Fund, a golden retriever rescue group that has found homes for more than 900 dogs in the past decade. After slipping away from home, Cujo somehow ended up 120 miles away in Columbia in the home of an elderly woman. When the woman entered a nursing home, the dog was sent to the Central Missouri Humane Society in Columbia. Bob Tillay, president of Dirk's Fund, spotted the dog - by then renamed Willy - on an adoption Web site and arranged to have him brought to St. Louis. "Sweet old man! He knows how to sit and shake," the Web site cooed. The dog's ears were so infected he couldn't hear. His coat was so matted he had to be shaved. And Dirk's Fund paid to have some cysts removed. The group eventually took Cujo/Willy to a nursing home in Clayton, to serve as a pet for residents. But things didn't work out - the dog needed a yard where he could run off the leash - and his picture went up on the Dirk's Fund Web site. A week ago, Noreen Barczewski's brother-in-law, Michael Barczewski, went to the Web site on a fluke. He'd been looking for a dog to adopt and saw the picture of the old dog with the white heart mark and white feet. Michael and his wife, Gail, had been the original breeders of Cujo. He recognized the dog immediately, and the reunion followed within days. Now 13, Cujo had never been forgotten by the his original family - especially Kayla, who was just 4 when the dog disappeared. Kayla insisted on hanging the retriever's red felt Christmas stocking each year, confident he'd someday come home.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dusting Crystal Hate to dust and rewash crystal constantly? Here's a simple way to achieve great results. Wash the item with plain water (if very dirty add vinegar to water). Dry immediately, making sure that the item is spotless. Using 1/2 of a dryer softener sheet, gently rub on the crystal. The item will get a dull residue on it. Then with a paper towel (I use Bounty or Brawny), buff the crystal to remove all of the residue. The result is crystal that gleams and repels dust. I now only need to dust my crystal once a year.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?" The girl said, "I don't know..... I don't eat cats." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== 'BAMA U DICTIONARY OF MEDICAL TERMS Anti-Body - against everyone Artery - study of paintings Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria Barium - what to do when treatment fails Bowel - letters lik A E I O or U Caesarean Section - a district in Rome Cardiology - advanced study of poker playing Cat Scan - searching for ones lost kitty Cauterize - made eye contact with her Colic - sheep dog Coma - punctuation mark Congenital - friendly D & C - where Washington is Dilate - to live long Enema - not a friend Fester - quicker Genes - blue denim slacks Genital - non-Jewish Hangnail - coat hook Hemorrhoid - a male From outer space Herpes - what women do in the Ladies Room Hormones - what a prostitute does when she doesn't get paid Impotent - distinguished, well known Inpatient - tired of waiting Labor Pain - hurt at work Medical Staff - a doctor's cane Minor Operation - coal digging Morbid - a higher bid Nitrate - cheaper than the Day Rate Node - was aware of Organic - organ repairman Outpatient - a person who has fainted Paralyze - two far-fetched stories Pharmacist - person who makes a living dealing in agriculture Post-Operative - a letter carrier Protein - in favor of young people Recovery Room - place to upholster furniture Rectum - what happened to the Corvette Rheumatic - amorous Saline - where you go on your boyfriend's boat Secretion - hiding something Tablet - a small table Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport Tibia - country in North Africa Tumor - an extra pair Urine - opposite of You're Out Varicose - nearby Vein - conceited ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Efil Doog http://www.efildoog-nz.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Syncronizing backups 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Feb 1, 2007
======================================

To win without risk is to triumph without glory.
--- Pierre Corneille

Frame your desires and goals in positive terms.
Don’t live by failure avoidance; live by success encounters.
--- Denis Waitley

=======================================

Thanks to Rubye for bringing back this classic:
A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress,  Sleeveless with straps.
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.

As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in
Front of a large,silverback gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.
He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand
And 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his  Free hand.

He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.

He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some
More by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom.
She played along and the gorilla got even more excited,
Making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband
Suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little More skin.

She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.

"Now... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said.

This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.

Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage,
Flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.

"Now. Tell him you have a headache."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Seababy for this story:
Two very elderly friends, Max and Wally, met in the park
every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and
discuss world problems. One day Wally didn't show up Max
didn't think much about it, figured maybe he had a cold or
some such.

But after Wally hadn't shown up for a week or so Max really
got worried.  However, the only time they ever got together
anymore (they used to play a lot of golf together) was at
the park, and Max couldn't remember where Wally lived so
he was unable to find out what had happened to him.  A
month passed and Max figured old Wally had gone to his
heavenly reward, but one day Max approached the park
and, lo and behold, there sat Wally!

Max was very excited and happy to see him and told him so!
Then he said, "For crying out loud Wally, what happened
to you???"

Wally replied, "I have been in jail."

"Jail???," cried Max!! "What in the world for???"

"Well," Wally said, "You know Sue, that cute little blonde
waitress at the coffee shop where we sometimes get coffee?"

"Yeah" said MAX, "I remember her. What about her?"

"Well one day last month she got mad at me and to get even,
she charged me with rape. I was so proud of what everyone
would think an old fart like me could still do, that when
I got into court, I pled 'Guilty'.

The judge then took a good look at me and gave me
30 days for perjury."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to January 29, 2007 - Copenhagen, Denmark - AP Would-be thieves raced a car through the ground floor of a department store but left empty-handed after failing to ram it into the jewelry section, police said Monday. The incident happened late Sunday, when the fashionable Illum department store was closed and there was no one inside the downtown building. Witnesses told police a small car with two masked men crashed through Illum's main entrance before speeding through the ground floor and driving out through an exit at the opposite side of the building. The suspects twice tried to ram the car through a sliding security grille in an apparent attempt to break into a luxury goods section selling jewelry and expensive watches, police said. "They failed to get in and nothing appears to be missing," police investigator Henrik Svindt said. Police found the damaged car but the suspects were still at large Monday. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Julie for her first picture: ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Thanks to kati for this story: Senator Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it, but couldn't. The aged bovine was struck and killed. Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a rare Cuban cigar in the other, and was smiling happily, smeared with lipstick. "What happened to you," asked Hillary? "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the cigar, the wife gave me the win e and their beautiful twin daughters made mad passionate love to me!" "My God, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary. The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest happened so fast, I couldn't stop it." ---------------------- Looks like the Republicans are holding back until all the good jokes are used up ! =========================================== Thanks to Unc Wes for this story: A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?" "Do you remember when I met you and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do" she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car, making love?" "Yes, I remember" says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues... "Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 >years?'" "I remember that too" she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says..."I would have gotten out today ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Gringo Re: Synchronizing separate disks and Ram drives Dear Webby, I was reading your reply to {using memory sticks} and agree that his Computer should reconize his USB stick. The reason I'm wrting is because I use a free program, transfering files, that I highly recommend. The program is called Allway Sync at: http://allwaysync.com Take Care Gringo Dear Gringo That looks pretty fancy! I still use a DOS bat and xcopy, but for most subscribers that Allway Sync will indeed be a lot easier. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 29, 2007 - Jilin City, China - Ananova A cat and a mouse have become unlikely best friends in China. It happened after a man who owned a cat in Jilin city was given a pet mouse by a friend six months ago, reports the City Evening News. Chen said: "On first sight of the little mouse, the cat was very excited and circled around the cage without stopping." After watching him for several days, Chen felt the cat was not intimidating the mouse so he let the mouse out -and they instantly became friends. "I would not have expected they could be friends, or be friends so quickly," he said. The City Evening News says the mouse played with the cat continually, climbing onto its back and sitting on its head, while Chen was being interviewed.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sanding in Hard to Reach Places An emery board works well for sanding tough to reach places on furniture. You can make something similar to an emery board by gluing sanding paper to a tongue depressor.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Dave for this story: Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room ' s only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this picturesque scene. One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his mind ' s eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words. Days, weeks and months passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed. It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Dear Webby, I received my first copy of your news letter yesterday and I already know that it will be a part of my daily reading for a long, long time to come. As a newcomer to this technoworld, I am suspicious of almost everything. However, having gleaned so much useful information, picked up tips, sent & received beautiful Ecards, and having been invited to help so many worthwhile causes with just a click via this newsletter, I have decided to forward todays copy to all of my friends in the hopes that they will subscribe too. [All you girls will read this so come on...get a move on.] Thank you Webby. Sandra. --------------------------------- Dear Webby, I had major surgery on the 16th and am just now getting caught up on reading my Humor Letter. I think it's too soon though. I just laughed out loud and man did it hurt! Heather ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Pricey yacht http://tinyurl.com/33nnbh
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: How to send pictures 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  January 31, 2007
======================================

You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.
--- Michael Jordan

Shoot for the moon.
Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
--- Les Brown

=======================================

An American tourist travelling in Limerick came across a little
antique shop in which he was lucky enough to pick up, for a
mere $150, the skull of Saint Patrick.

Included in the price was a certificate of the skull's
authenticity, signed by Saint Patrick himself.

Ten years later the tourist returned to Ireland and asked the
antique shop owner if he had any more bargains.

"I've got the very thing for you," said the Irishman. "It's the
genuine skull of Saint Patrick".

"You swindler," said the American. "You sold me that ten
years ago," and, producing the skull, added, "Look, they're not
even the same size".

"You have it all wrong," said the Irishman. "This is the skull of
Saint Patrick when he was a lad".

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

"What's the matter?" Bill asked.

"I don't' get it," Bob sighed. "The dating scene is so confusing.
There are so many damn people you have to please.

"Like this one woman,  she liked me, her mom liked me, but
her father hated me.

"Then there was this other woman, both of her parents really
liked me, but SHE didn't like me.

"And then there was this woman I met last night.  She
absolutely loved me, her parents seemed to really like me
too, BUT her husband couldn't stand me!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the wife of a United Manchester soccer fan Cruel Gift January 23, 2007 - Manchester, UK - The Sun A Utd fan's wife gave her hubby a £550 season ticket - four months after the Premiership kicked off. She bought it last year but didn't hand it to him until his 40th birthday earlier this month, reports the Sun. Her blunder meant the fan missed 11 games. To make matters worse, she also bought her son a junior ticket. A United supporter who sits near the man at Old Trafford said: "A few of us noticed the seats were empty. "His wife mustn't know much about football. He must be gutted." ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Arturas for this picture: Lithuanian Real Estate: The Handyman Special ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== Jon and George, both farmers, met at the state fair. "Tell me," asked Jon, "what did you give your mule when he had the colic?" "Turpentine," George answered. A few months after the fair, they meet up again. "Say, George, WHAT did you say you gave your mule when he was sick with colic?" Jon asked. "I said I gave him turpentine." "Well, I gave turpentine to MINE and it died!" George nods his head. "That's strange. So did mine." =========================================== An English parachutist and an Irish parachutist were arguing about who was best at folding a parachute. Unable to resolve their dispute on the ground, they decided to go up in a plane and judge by the mid-air performance of their parachutes. The Irishman jumped first, pulled his cord, and started floating down towards the earth. Then the Englishman jumped, pulled his cord and nothing happened; he pulled his safety cord - nothing. In a matter of seconds he whizzed past the Irishman, plummeting like a stone. "Oh," shouted the Irishman, yanking off his harness, "so ya wanna race, do ya?!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Julie Re: How to send pictures Dear Webby, How do you get pictures to post in your humor letter? I have noticed that sometimes they are from subscribers. What would I need to do? Thanks, Julie. Dear Julie Just attach or embed the pictures in email. A lot safer than putting them under your pillow for a late-night pick-up. That would just get your hubby upset. To embed a picture, copy it in your graphics program, and paste it into the email. To attach it, find the icon in your email program for attaching files, click on it and then browse to where you got that picture saved. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 26, 2007 - Beaufort, North Carolina - AP Rescue workers have freed a rare whale caught up in fishing line in Onslow Bay. Part of the line remains stuck in the animal's mouth, but workers said the North Atlantic right whale can eat and seemed safe from serious harm. ''We felt we did the best we could with this animal,'' said Greg Krutzikowsky of the Provincetown Center for Coastal Studies, part of a multistate consortium trying to save right whales. ''We have no clue when we'll have our next opportunity. It is the middle of winter.'' The young whale, estimated at 2 or 3 years old, was first seen in September in Canada's Bay of Fundy, where many right whales spend summers. Fishing line was caught in its mouth, knotted behind its blow hole and stretching about 40 feet behind it. Marine biologists didn't see any sign of the whale again until Jan. 15, when it was spotted off the coast of Georgia near calving grounds where the whales winter. Workers with ropes and a buoy attached a global positioning system to the whale that allowed officials to track the animal after it fled. A whale specialist with the Provincetown Center used satellite transmissions to predict the whale would arrive in Onslow Bay off the North Carolina coast this week. It was found Wednesday about 4 miles offshore from Camp Lejeune. Crews from Duke University, the University of North Carolina at Wilmington, and elsewhere, took part in the rescue. The whale tried to evade them, but workers in an inflatable boat got close enough to cut some ropes with a hook knife on a long pole. Repeated tries to cut the line near the mouth failed. Officials aren't sure whether the animal was male or female. North Atlantic right whales are among the most endangered large whales on the planet, with fewer than 400 surviving after being hunted nearly to extinction.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Moving Large Planters Large planters can be very difficult to move. Since most planters are wider on top than on the bottom, they can be difficult to move with a hand truck. If you have an old skateboard lying around, try moving the planters with it. If you don't have one you can probably find one at your local thrift store. They work well for moving other heavy objects as well.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The other day in the old Joke A Day Trivia Chat Room I happened to be watching two folks play the game, when this question came up: "In what club are all the members liars?" Both players, almost simultaneously, answered, "Congress." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A little girl was failing math. Her mother enrolled her in Catholic school in the hopes to improve her math grades. During the first marking period, her mother noticed a dramatic improvement in her math studies. The girl would refuse playing with friends and eating dessert after dinner in order to study more. On report card day, her mother was astonished to see that her daughter got an A+ in math. She asked her daughter, "Why the sudden change of attitude about math -- do the nuns punish you?" The girl replied, "No, but when I saw the little man on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school is very serious about math!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Weather Folklore http://snipurl.com/18uv0
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: getting rid of Limewire 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  January 30, 2007
======================================

People of mediocre ability sometimes achieve outstanding
success because they don't know when to quit.
Most people succeed because they are determined to."
--- George E. Allen
=======================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks.
"I've somethin' to tell ya"..
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim.
But where's me husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus
is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim.
"How did it happen, Tim?"

"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat
of Guinness Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim.
Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact,
he got out three times to pee."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A professor at the University of Kentucky is giving a
lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his
audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in
ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who
believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen
a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. Has anyone here ever talked to a
ghost?" 15 students raise their hands.

"That's great. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3
students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question
further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One student way in the back raises his hand.

The professor is astonished and says, "Son, all the
years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever
claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come
up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and
begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor
says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a
ghost."

The student replies, "Ghost?!? From way back there I
thought you said "goats."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Halifax Bank of Scotland in Aberdeen, Scotland Data Leak January 29, 2007 - Aberdeen, UK - The Mirror A woman who asked for her bank statement was sent financial details of 75,000 other customers too. Stephanie McLaughlan, 22, recieved five packages from Halifax Bank of Scotland, each containing 500 sheets crammed with confidential information. Each page details 30 customers' names, their account and sort code numbers and how much they have paid in and out. According to the Mirror, Stephanie from Aberdeen said: "I did not expect them to be so lax with security as to be sending out private and confidential information of so many of their customers. "In the wrong hands these documents would allow criminals to run amok through people's personal and financial lives." The bank has apologised and is launching an immediate inquiry. ----------------------------- 2500 sheets, that's half a bushel box of paper. Wonder who got the other half? ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to AP for this picture of global warming: ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw his crutches down the stairs. An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle!" the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?" "Uh, he's over there by the holy water, sprawled on the floor, and cussing up a real storm." =========================================== This is a classic joke from the days when computers did not have monitors yet. The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company's production line, at which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. "This", he said, "is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it." A smartass who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and asked, "Where is my father?" There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task. Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the printer printed out a piece of paper: "Fishing off Florida." The smartass laughed, "Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question." The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps a rewording of the question might work better. The smartass said to the Ultimate Computer, "Where is my mother's husband?" Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the room. After a moment, the printer whirred to life. The paper said: "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Judy Re: Getting rid of Limewire Dear Webby, Re/Limewire - my grandson (15years old) was using my computer and I found he'd downloaded Limewire onto it and was insisting it was 'free' downloads. And tho we've not been charged 'money' for this, I've tried everything I can think of to get it off my computer and it still pops up onto the screen when I turn it on!! Been about 6 months now, have gotten rid most of it but, that one screen is still there no matter what I do!! Please stress this to everyone as I'd hate to see anyone else in this predicament! In the meantime I've promised to break both his arms off if he so much as looks at my computer again!! I hope that person listens to you and dosen't get into the same predicament!! And by the way, I thank you for getting the word out on 'junk' like this, if I'd seen what he was going to do before he did it, it wouldn't be on my machine because I've read and listened to you about stuff like this before! My personal addage is 'if I didn't pay for it, it won't be on my computer'.... Thanks again Webby! and people - LISTEN to this man!! He KNOWS!! Judy Dear Judy Even though you deleted the files needed for downloading music from other people's computers, Limewire stil opens a back door for everybody to come in and grab copies of the music that you paid for elsewhere. I searched the forums about that and found this: __________________ Well to begin with you said you deleted the file. When you delete the file it does not uninstall LimeWire it just deletes a portion of it. You will have to reinstall it and then go to Add / Remove Software, and uninstall it. 2nd. I have a felling you may have deleted it because it kept starting up by itself all of the time . If this is the case you probably downloaded and opened a file 851.7kb in size which you found nothing in. Guess what! If that is what happened, there was something inside a virus that makes LimeWire start up by itself and creates 1000's of copies of itself. If that is what happened the link below will help. If you can't get rid of it your self, there is a link to Norbie's world in the link below, He will be able to help you get rid of it. And by the way this virus disables most anti virus apps, so they will not detect it. And even if they do, a lot of them can not get rid of it. http://www.gnutellaforums.com/showthread.php?t=41432 ________________ Tell me if that works. If not, I'll dig deeper. However, the guy who posted that in the forum seems to know what he is talking about. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 26, 2007 - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - PR Newswire United Way of Southeastern Pennsylvania and 135 other Philadelphia area businesses and organizations celebrated Shadowing Day on Wednesday by welcoming 1,552 ninth grade students from Philadelphia public schools into their workplaces to give them firsthand exposure to the world of work. Each student participant is paired with an employee host to see how an individual in a particular career spends the workday. Shadowing Day also serves to ignite corporate interest in creating ongoing work-based mentoring opportunities for youth.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Soap Scum If you use liquid soap in your bath and shower instead of bar you will not have as much soap scum. The paraffin in the solid soap helps cause the scum buildup. By Carol If you have hard mineralized soap residue from hard water, like the great water that we have here, with more minerals and metals in it than a bottle of concentrated mineral supplements for city slickers, and if your tub has real enamel, then you can use Watkins toilet bow cleaner to get rid of the residue effortlesly. Let the tub dry thoroughly first. Watkins toilet bowl cleaner is almost pure hydrocloric acid, and it literally vaporizes mineralized soap residue. Make sure you have a window open, otherwise it can develop an unpleasant and iritating odor as it vaporizes the stuff. Squirt the cleaner onto the affected areas and after a few minutes, come back and rinse with the shower wand. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
*Sixteen Steps to Build a Campfire* 1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left thumb. 3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments 4. Bandage left foot. 5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand) 6. Light Match 7. Light Match 8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match. 9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire. 10. Apply burn ointment to nose. 11. When fire is burning, collect more wood. 12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene." 13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns. 14. Relabel can to read "gasoline." 15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood. 16. When thunderstorm has passed, repeat steps. ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Man to Ticket Agent: I want to buy a bus ticket for Norwald. Ticket Agent, Searching Book: Norwald? Let me find that. Hmm... never heard of it. Let me see... Norwald. I don't see Norwald listed, and I can't find it on the map. Just where is Norwald, anyway? Man: Over there. He's my brother-in-law. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Red Green Glass http://tinyurl.com/24kpp4 Hit the NEXT for more pictures
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Limewire 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  January 29, 2007
======================================

First secure an independent income, then practice virtue.
--- Greek Proverb

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
--- Evan Esar

=======================================

Thanks to Rubye for this story:

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river,
Her thimble fell into the river.  When she cried out, the Lord appeared
And asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"

The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and
That she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their
Family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble
Set with pearls.  "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked

The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river.  He held out a silver thimble
Ringed with sapphires.  "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.

Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.  "Is
This your thimble?" the Lord asked.

The seamstress replied, "Yes.

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three
Thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the
Riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under
The
Water.When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why
Are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river.

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.
"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious.  "You lied!  That is an untruth!"

The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord it is a
Misunderstanding.  You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you
Would have come up with Brad Pitt.  Then if I said 'no' to him, you
Would have come up with my husband.  Had I then said 'yes,' you would
Have given me all three.  Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would
Not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said
'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and
honorable reason, and in the best interest of others.
That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional,
illogical liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an
unscrupulous liberal press, which holds forth the proposition
that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

(This definition has been attributed to students at Texas A&M
University. Just so you will know that Aggies know how to do
more than build bonfires.)

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Hilldreth the Fourth of Fayetteville, North Carolina January 26, 2007 - Belleair, Florida - AP Pinellas County authorities said a man who stripped naked to elude police is behind bars. According to the sheriff's office, Charles Hilldreth the Fourth of Fayetteville, North Carolina tried to rob a man, then stripped naked and jumped into the Intercoastal Waterway. During Thursday's chase, authorities said Hilldreth bit one of the deputies on the chest. He was later subdued and taken to the hospital and then to jail. Belleair Beach police charged Hilldreth with one count each of strong-arm robbery and resisting arrest without violence. Pinellas Sheriff's Deputies also charged him with one count of battery on a law enforcement officer and two counts of resisting arrest with violence. Hildreth is being held in the Pinellas County Jail on bond. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Gobal warming? ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A sweet young lady visiting Brooklyn's Zoo in Prospect Park asked the keeper where the monkeys were. Keeper: "They're in the back, making love." Young lady: "Would they come out for some peanuts?" Keeper: "Would you? =========================================== Thanks to Obie Alexander for this story: I know you old salts will remember the old days of wooden ships and Iron men, and signalmen. The aircraft carrier U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln was finally inching up to the pier at Pearl Harbor when the Captain of the ship noticed a sailor on the flight deck gesturing wildly with semaphore flags. He then noticed an attractive young woman standing on top of a station wagon, also waving semaphore flags. Always concerned about security and never having seen something like this, the Captain barked at his Bridge Signalman, "What message are those two people sending?" The Signalman concentrated intently and soon reported, "Sir, he is sending FOXTROT-FOXTROT and she is sending ECHO -FOXTROT." Not having any clue as to what these messages could mean, the Captain dispatched an armed Marine to escort the sailor back to the Bridge. The sailor arrived, out of breath from running up the many ladders to the bridge, and saluted smartly. "Seaman Endicott reporting as ordered, sir!" "Seaman", shouted the Captain, "Who is that woman on the pier and why are you exchanging signals FF and EF?" "Sir, that's my wife, Sir, and she wants to eat first!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pris Re: Limewire Dear Webby, Is it legal to download free music from Limewire? Dear Pris They are still fighting about that. The record companies claim you are ripping tthem off, and the artist claim you will get bad karma and grow hair in your ears. However, as the law stands now, as long as you are not selling your not paid for downloads, they won't sue you. That can of course change any day. You will have to occasionally check on the legal situation. What is more worrysome is that with Limewire you are downloading stuff from random strangers, not from any site that has any responsibility to be virus free. If the nearest computer, that has the piece of music that you want, belongs to some bozo down the street, who has a collection of 5000 viruses and trojans, you might get more than just music. At the same time, you are opening your computer to any other Limewire user to come and get music from you. If you are using your computer for actual work, not just for listening to music, you will notice programs slowing down and occasionally stalling. You canI buy music from Musicmatch.com for 99 cents per track. Totally legal and guaranteed clean and complete, and you don't have to buy tracks that you don't want. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos January 26, 2007 - Washington - AP About 100 homeless people were guests of the mayor's office Thursday for a screening of ''The Pursuit of Happyness,'' the real-life story of a homeless man who worked his way to becoming a millionaire. The crowd of mostly homeless adults and elderly people groaned at some of the familiar difficulties faced by Will Smith's character, Chris Gardner, and clapped at his triumphs. When Gardner, who gets evicted along with his young son, is finally offered the stockbroker job he painfully strove for, the audience burst into applause and wiped away tears. ''Everybody here not only has a story, but they have gifts and skills,'' said Arafa Speaks, a 52-year-old homeless woman and advocate who brought the idea to Mayor Adrian M. Fenty's administration last month. The crowd was smiling as they came out of the screening at the theater that had donated the time and space. Last month, the mayor of Chattanooga, Tenn., invited 15 homeless guests to see the movie and at the time Gardner told The Associated Press that he wants homeless viewers to ''take one thing away from those two hours: Chris Gardner isn't doing anything I can't do.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Breaking in a Baseball Glove The best way to break in a baseball glove is to use it, but here's a way to speed up the process. The goal of breaking it in is to create a nice pocket for the ball and soften the leather. Apply a dab of shaving cream to the center of the glove and then put a baseball in the pocket. Secure the glove closed by tying a shoelace around the glove and put it between your mattresses overnight.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?" ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Thanks to Linda for this story: My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often he turns to me for advice. Recently, I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily for lunch?" "That's up to you," I replied. "There's all kinds of food. Why don't you pretend I'm not at home?" A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to hear my husband asking, "Yeah, hi, Honey. Uh..what should I feed Lily for lunch?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Albinos http://tinyurl.com/2ersfq
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Bad Floppy 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  January 28, 2007
======================================

Whatever you choose to believe,
will be the concept that runs your mind."
--- Joe Vitale

Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?
--- James Thurber

=======================================

Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were
sitting together in church.  Joel giggled, sang, and talked out
loud.  Finally, his big sister had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed
at Joel.

"Why?  Who's going to stop me?"  Joel shot back.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those
two big men standing by the door?"

Joel nodded.

"They're hushers."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first
boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad
owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied:
"That's nothin'. My dad owns hell."

"No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?"

"Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my
grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Covington, Louisiana teen Too much rear cleavage January 25, 2007 - Covington, Louisiana - AP Police said they caught a 16-year-old robbery suspect who had eluded authorities on several previous occasions when his baggy pants fell down, causing him to stumble as officers chased him. "We literally caught him with his pants down," Lt. Jack West of Covington police said. Suspected of robbing a man at gunpoint and stealing another man's car after beating him with a brick, the teenager had run away from police several times in recent weeks, West said. An officer spotted the teen standing on a street corner Monday, called in for two backup officers, then tried to make an arrest. "They all converged on him from different directions," West said. "He started to run, but his low-riding pants fell down and he stumbled to his knees." The suspect, whose name was not released because he is a juvenile, was booked on warrants for armed robbery, carjacking, two counts of aggravated battery and being a child in need of supervision. ===========================================
Need some unique January cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Bet she could not do that when-sober! ===========================================
Love & Friendship Flash Cards
All FREE!
HeartsnCards.Com
=========================================== A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room. "No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there." =========================================== The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Louis Re: Retrieving data from floppy Dear Webby, question: how can I retrieve information from floppy disk without having the computer asking me if I want to format the diskette first. I do not want to lose items. I have a windows xp and I have an external usb port drive for my diskettes. any help would be greatly appreciated. and I have voted once again for your great site once again. keep them coming. Louis Dear Louis If Windows can read other floppies but with that one asks you to format the disk, then it can't read it. Has the disk been used on a Mac? Mac's format disks to their standard without asking you first. Try reading the disk on somebody else's computer, or at the library. If you can read it there, upload the contents to the web. If you don't have a site, just get a geocities freebie site. Yes, I know they are a nuisance. But it's good enough for holding your files untill you get home and can download them and copy them onto a fresh disk. Sooner or later all floppies die. The sooner you rescue the contents, the better your chances of getting all of them. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos August 26, 2006 - Northern California - BBC A 65-year-old Californian woman has saved the life of her husband, 70, by fighting off an attacking mountain lion with a small log and his pen. Jim and Nell Hamm were walking in the Prairie Creek Redwoods State Park when the cougar wrestled Jim to the ground. Nell started hitting the animal with the log but it kept hold of Jim's head. She then tried to stick the pen in its eye. The cougar eventually let go. Mr. Hamm is in fair condition after having his lips stitched back together. He also suffered scalp lacerations and puncture wounds. "She saved his life, there's no doubt," said Steve Martarano, spokesman for the Department of Fish and Game.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Aphid Repellent Plants You can help prevent aphid infestations on your vegetables by interplanting them with plants that repel aphids. Some examples are anise, chives, coriander, garlic, onions, petunias and radish. Another trick is lay some aluminum foil around the base of a plant, the reflection will help deter the aphids.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Closing sermon words A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closching schong, let ussch sching Hymn # 365: "Schall We Gather at the River." ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers _________________________________________________________ Pervert Alerts are now at http://posty.net/pervertalerts/ _________________________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== The very first sex education classes were in the 50's. Naturally, some of the teachers were embarrassed and used only very carefully chosen words. In one class, the teacher was explaining the anatomy of the male genitalia. He said, "The human male testicles are about the size of Plover's eggs." A female voice from the back quipped, "Hey... Neat !!! I've always wondered how big Plover's eggs were." ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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