Dear Webby: Replacement for MS Publisher 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
Friday,  February 15, 2008

I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month, and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it. --- Thomas Jefferson If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. --- Henry J. Tillman
Thanks to Robert for this story: Three men, an editor, a photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish." The photographer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas. The journalist went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean. Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie. "I want them both back after lunch" replied the editor, "The deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is in about ten hours."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
It was the beginning of term at a primary school in Brooklyn. The teacher asked the children their names one at a time, and for each to spell their name out loud. When she came to a young Pakastani boy and asked his name..... "Ravashanka Vankatarataam Bannerjee" he replied. "How do you spell that? asked the teacher. "My mother helps me" said the little boy. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to HSBC bank in Easingwold, North Yorkshire, UK Bank is open February 7, 2008 - Easingwold, North Yorkshire, UK - Ananova A five-year-old boy pushed a bank door and it opened - 19 hours after it was supposedly locked up for the weekend. Oliver Pettigrew wandered into the HSBC branch in Easingwold, North Yorkshire, as his dad used a cash machine outside. Dad Daniel, 50, said "Oliver vanished and then appeared again. He said, 'Dad, the bank is open'. "At first I thought he was joking - but it was." Daniel and Oliver called police after walking right up to the vault of the deserted bank on Saturday. The bank had closed for the weekend at 4.30pm on Friday. An HSBC spokeswoman said there was a "malfunction" with the catch on the door. She said customers' savings had not been at risk. Oliver's mum Alison, 44, said: "There were no alarms. If not for Oliver that door could have been left open until Monday." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2717572.html?menu=
Thanks to Noella for this picture of the recent ice storm
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tam Re: Publisher Dear Webby, HI, how are you? As always, thanks for the great humor and advice. I look forward to reading your humor everyday. I have emailed a few times and you always help me out, so here I am again needing advice! My daughter is working on a school paper and needs microsoft publisher or desktop publisher (same thing?) I was wondering if theres a free version that I could get online for her to use. thanks in advance Happy Valentines Day! Tam Dear Tam Just get Open Office from http://www.openoffice.org/ It's publisher, called IMPRESS, seems to be better than Microsoft's publisher anyway. And Open Office is free! Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.

Deeli's Kudos Kudos to the sniffing dog and FBI February 14, 2008 - Miami, Florida - UPI Federal authorities in Miami were holding a Massachusetts man after he allegedly tried to leave the country with more than $1.3 million in stolen cash. Allen Seymour of Oxford was headed to Venezuela with his family when a money-sniffing dog detected the cash in the baggage compartment of a private aircraft at Opa-locka Airport. FBI Agent Albert D. Lamoreaux said Tuesday that Seymour illegally obtained the cash from a Massachusetts lawyer through a complicated series of transactions. The lawyer, identified only as R.D., was under federal investigation in a case involving the misappropriation of $1.99 million belonging to a client. Authorities said they believe Seymour was attempting to flee to Venezuela. Besides his wife and five children, he was also taking the family dog. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-302668-678797

After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right, ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "You have proven to yourself that you are in truly awesome shape. If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?" Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. "My recruiter."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 211empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Serving Wine Uncork red wine an hour before drinking so it can breathe and rise to room temperature. Chill white wine and open right before you are ready to drink it. If you have leftover wine, put the cork back in the bottle, it will keep for a few days. If kept cool, it will keep for a lot longer before it turns into vinegar. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Secretary: "Pastor, we've got a problem in the computer lab where you met with the confirmation class last week. Some of the boys in the class started messing with the mice." Pastor: "What?!?" (thinking: we've got mice in there!?) Secretary: "Yeah, it seems some of the boys removed their balls." Pastor (incredulously...): "Th..th...they did what??? How in the world did they do that???" Secretary: "They must have used a screwdriver or something." Pastor: "We've got some pretty sick boys... I... I... didn't even realize mice had balls...!" Secretary: "Yeah, they roll around on 'em all the time!" Pastor: "What???" (still thinking of the little fury real animals) "Well...what can *we* do?" Secretary: "I guess we'll have to put 'em back on the mice. I can probably do it if I can get enough little screws." Pastor: "WHAT?!?" Secretary: "Hmmm....Pastor, are we talking about the same thing?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Magnum Photography Landscapes - click on Gallery
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 322 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 58 )
Dear Webby: Happy Valentines Day! 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
Thursday,  February 14, 2008
Today is GUILT day!

First, no matter what language you are most comfortable with: Afrikaans---Ek het jou lief Albanian---Te dua Arabic---Ana behibak (to male) Arabic---Ana behibek (to female) Armenian---Yes kez sirumen Bambara---M'bi fe Bangla---Aamee tuma ke bhalo baashi Belarusian---Ya tabe kahayu Bisaya---Nahigugma ako kanimo Bulgarian ---Obicham te Cambodian ---Bung Srorlagn Oun (to female) Oun Srorlagn Bung (to male) Cantonese/Chinese Ngo oiy ney a Catalan ---T'estimo Cheyenne ---Ne mohotatse Chichewa ---Ndimakukonda Corsican ---Ti tengu caru (to male) Creol ---Mi aime jou Croatian ---Volim te Czech ---Miluji te Danish ---Jeg Elsker Dig Dutch ---Ik hou van jou English ---I love you Esperanto ---Mi amas vin Estonian ---Ma armastan sind Ethiopian ---Ewedishalehu : male/female to female Ewedihalehu: male/female to male. Faroese ---Eg elski teg Farsi ---Doset daram Filipino ---Mahal kita Finnish ---Mina rakastan sinua French ---Je t'aime, Je t'adore Gaelic ---Ta gra agam ort Georgian ---Mikvarhar German (High)---Ich liebe dich German (Alpine)---- I ha di liab Greek ---S'agapo Gujarati ---Hu tumney prem karu chu Hiligaynon ---Palangga ko ikaw Hawaiian ---Aloha wau ia oi Hebrew ---Ani ohev otah (to female) Hebrew ---Ani ohev et otha (to male) Hiligaynon ---Guina higugma ko ikaw Hindi ---Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hai Hmong ---Kuv hlub koj Hopi ---Nu' umi unangwa'ta Hungarian ---Szeretlek Icelandic ---Eg elska tig Ilonggo ---Palangga ko ikaw Indonesian ---Saya cinta padamu Inuit ---Negligevapse Irish ---Taim i' ngra leat Italian ---Ti amo Japanese ---Aishiteru Kannada ---Naa ninna preetisuve Kapampangan ---Kaluguran daka Kiswahili ---Nakupenda Konkani ---Tu magel moga cho Korean ---Sarang Heyo Latin ---Te amo Latvian ---Es tevi miilu Lebanese ---Bahibak Lithuanian ---Tave myliu Macedonian Te Sakam Malay ---Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu Malayalam ---Njan Ninne Premikunnu Maltese---Inhobbok Mandarin Chinese---Wo ai ni Marathi ---Me tula prem karto Mohawk ---Kanbhik Moroccan ---Ana moajaba bik Nahuatl ---Ni mits neki Navaho ---Ayor anosh'ni Nepali ---Ma Timilai Maya Garchhu Norwegian ---Jeg Elsker Deg Pandacan ---Syota na kita!! Pangasinan ---Inaru Taka Papiamento ---Mi ta stimabo Persian ---Doo-set daaram Pig Latin ---Iay ovlay ouyay Polish ---Kocham Cie Portuguese ---Eu te amo Romanian ---Te ubesc Roman Numerals ---333 Russian---Ya tebya liubliu Rwanda---Ndagukunda Scot Gaelic ---Tha gra\dh agam ort Serbian ---Volim te Setswana ---Ke a go rata Sign Language ---,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing 'I Love You' Sindhi ---Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan Sioux ---Techihhila Slovak ---Lu`bim ta Slovenian ---Ljubim te Spanish ---Te quiero / Te amo Surinam- Mi lobi joe Swahili ---Ninapenda wewe Swedish ---Jag alskar dig Swiss-German ---Ich lieb Di Tajik Man turo Dust Doram Tagalog ---Mahal kita Taiwanese ---Wa ga ei li Tahitian ---Ua Here Vau Ia Oe Tamil ---Naan unnai kathalikiraen Telugu ---Nenu ninnu premistunnanu Thai ---Chan rak khun (to male) Thai ---Phom rak khun (to female) Turkish ---Seni Seviyorum Ukrainian ---Ya tebe kahayu Urdu ---mai aap say pyaar karta hoo Vietnamese ---Anh ye^u em (to female) Vietnamese ---Em ye^u anh (to male) Welsh ---'Rwy'n dy garu Yiddish ---Ikh hob dikh Yoruba ---Mo ni fe Zimbabwe ---Ndinokuda
While working in a clothing store, I noticed that people had no shame about returning items that obviously had been worn. One rainy morning I walked in and found a discolored blazer hanging on the rack with other returns. "People return the most filthy, nasty things," I commented to my supervisor who was standing nearby. Eyebrow raised, she said, "That's my jacket."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Unaware that Indianapolis is on Eastern Standard Time and Chicago on Central Standard Time, Bob inquired at the Indianapolis airport about a plane to Chicago. "One leaves at 1 p.m.," a ticket agent said, "and arrives in Chicago at 1:01p.m." "Would you repeat that, please?" Bob asked. The agent did so and then inquired, "Do you want a reservation?" "No," said Bob, "But I think I'll hang around and watch that thing take off." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Denise Thomson, 25, of Elkhorn, Neb., Not a record to be proud of! February 8, 2008 - Omaha, Nebraska - WNBC Thanks to Ross for this submission Authorities in Omaha said they arrested a woman whose blood alcohol tested at higher than five times the legal limit for drivers. Sheriff's deputies arrested Denise Thomson, 25, of Elkhorn, Neb., after they received a number of calls about an impaired driver on Interstate 80 Thursday afternoon. Deputies said they performed a field sobriety test on Thomson, then took her to the Sarpy County Jail, where her blood-content tested at 0.415 percent. Deputy Davis believes that is the highest blood-alcohol reading he's seen in his career. Thomson was booked on suspicion of driving under the influence, negligent child abuse, driving left of center and driving on the shoulder of the road. Thomson works for Beneficial Behavior Health in Omaha, which provides transportation to DHHS. http://www.wnbc.com/news/15255843/detai ... resistible
Happy Valentines Day, ! Feel free to print them! Not legal tender except in Kentucky. However, in Kentucky, watch out for 7's and 4's and the infamous Hillary $3 bill!
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: New Flash Player Dear Webby, Just to let you know that I downloaded Belarc from your toolbox and wow I was totally surprised at all the info it gives for everything in my Computer...It updates every time I click on it. I had no idea there was all that info in there...If ever I need to recover and need a CD all the info ever needed is there and more!!!!... Thanks so much for having it in your Toolbox. Also a friend asked me for Flash Player 8...He wants to download the program. I have sent him one from Google and he says it only goes so far and stops the download. Would appreciate it if you would send him your Web Pages daily. of course he would have an AOL address!!!!... So hoping it goes thru to him. Thanks so much for all your help. Jaye Dear Jaye Glad you finally got around to using the Belarc! While you are at it, why don't you use Clickbook to print a couple of nice little doublesided paperback size brochures (4 pages per sheet) of the results, one for the insurance file, and one for the ziplock bag that has the original paperwork and install CD's for that machine ? The flash player is now up to version 9 http://www.adobe.com/products/flashplayer/ I sent a double-opt-in authorization request to your AOL friend. If he or AOL are not currently blocking me, he should have it in his mailbox now. If he doesn't, it will age off in 72 hours and he can try again. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger double wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. He instructed the man to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is gonna help solve the problem." So the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. At that point he changed his mind and told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to ten. Figuring that both learned physicians could not be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held it up to his ear and began to count, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

Deeli's Kudos February 10, 2008 - Ottawa, Canada - UPI A Canadian man is walking nearly 300 miles from Toronto to Ottawa in some of the winter's worst weather to draw attention to the need to help those with autism. Stefan Marinoiu, 49, left his home to begin the 281-mile trek Jan. 31 to "plead with the politicians" to do more for those about the affliction. Marinoiu, who has a 15-year-old son with autism, has battled blinding snows and frostbite. "Having an autistic child is like having a present and not being able to unwrap it," Marinoiu said. "I have been silent for 15 years. All the stress, all the pain, no resources, I gotta do something." Ontario Provincial Police stopped him the first night for walking illegally on the highway. Since then they've been keeping an eye out for him and sometimes advance him to the nearest town. He said, "It has been so cold you feel like you are going to die the next second but I take the next step. I am walking for all the tens of thousands who are like my son. No matter what, I am going to accomplish this." He hopes to arrive in Ottawa Monday Feb 11. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-301113-197066

Thanks to Sandie for this story: A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the counselor. "How did you do it?" "I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a chicken."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 211empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Go Out for Drinks or Dessert Instead of going out for a full fledged meal, try going out to an expensive restaurant and sit in the bar. You can order drinks and something to nibble on, or a decadent dessert to share. Pick a place with a view or romantic ambiance. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

TODAY is GUILT DAY ! If you forget Valentines Day, you will be shown the meaning of guilt! Don't feel mushy and romantic? Don't worry ! Go to http://hicards.com and send, or PRE-send a funny cuPIG card. You can PRE-send cards now, while you remember, to arrive on Guilt Day. By the way, if you DO feel mushy, you can send traditional, cute and mushy Valentines cards from Hicards too.
A man robs a bank and takes hostages. He asks the first hostage if he saw him rob the bank. Hostage answers "yes." Robber shoots him. He asks the second hostage if he saw him rob the bank. Hostage answers "yes." Robber shoots him. He asks the third hostage if he saw him rob the bank. Hostage answers, "No, but my mother-in-law did."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Air Show Action
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 267 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 46 )
Dear Webby: Fake FBI alert 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
Wednesday,  February 13, 2008
ONE day till GUILT day!

On the global warming hoax: It's all because of Bush's poor energy policy, that the people listened to and believed Al Gore! --- Hillary Clinton
Thanks to Dave for this story: A middle-aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Am I too flat, or is it my face?" "No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spit the bait into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tina D. Williams, 46, from St Augustine, Florida Wrong priorities! February 8, 2008 - St. Augustine, Florida - UPI A Florida mother was arrested after police found her driving with beer buckled in the front seat but her toddler unrestrained in the back seat, a report said. Tina D. Williams, 46, faces charges of drunken driving, child abuse, possession of drug paraphernalia, and driving without a license after officers stopped her for running a red light Sunday, the Jacksonville Florida Times-Union reported Tuesday. Amber Tedrick, 20, reportedly was in the back seat of the car next to Williams' unrestrained 16-month-old daughter. When police asked Williams, who smelled of alcohol, why the toddler was not buckled in, she said she did not know, a police report said. Police reportedly found a 24-pack of Busch beer buckled into the passenger seat and two pipes typically used for drug purposes in Williams' purse. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-298772-517137
Thanks to Martin for sending this picture: The real cause of global warming and of the North Pole melting and being towed over to Russia as a tourist attraction, is not the hot air from the primaries, and it's not from the Canucks cussing about the coldest winter since 1959, no, the real cause is the Chinese exporting too many cheap MP3 players to the polar bears!
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Connie Re: FBI Alert Dear Webby, You might want to post this in your newsletter for all subscribers to read and be aware of when opening their email. This came in today through an enewspaper I receive each day. I have sent this message to all my addys, but it needs to be read by many more. Connie R FBI Internet Alert: Beware Valentine E-Card blah, blah, blah.... Dear Connie You got duped by a silly AOLer. The FBI Does not compete with McAfee, Norton, AVG, etc. and does not announce 3 year old viruses. The Storm Worm is old hat and has long ago become obsolete, because even the simplest anti-virus program recognizes it. If somebody claims that the FBI, AOL, IBM, Microsoft, CNN or the national Enquirer issued an alert, then you know it is a hoax. Go to http://hicards.com or http://angewinks.net or any of the 50,000 or so legitimate postcard sites listed at http://mypostcards.com, and send yourself a test card. You can make it as mushy as you want. That will generate a legitimate postcard pick-up notice. After that you will be able to instantly tell a legitimate postcard notice from a fake one. Phony alerts like that are as stupid as telling people not to accept ANY money, because some hillbilly got caught printing $12 bills and some yahoos got stuck with them. DUH! Open your eyes and use common sense, and you won't have any problem with fake postcards or $12 bills. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"

Deeli's Kudos February 9, 2008 - Manchester, UK - Daily Mail Like most playgrounds, it is filled with smiling faces and laughter. But these faces have seen more of life than you might expect, and the laughter is a little more mature in tone. Britain's first playground for the over-60s opened in Manchester on Feb 2. Instead of slides and roundabouts, it is equipped with machines specially designed to provide gentle exercise for different parts of the body such as hips, legs and torso. The Massage offers upper body exercise, the Skate trains leg muscles, the Ski works the hips, while the Press tones the stomach and legs. There are also stations for pull-ups, push-ups and pedalling and, to stretch the mind as well as the body, engravings of quotes from famous philosophers dotted around the park. The playground, based on a German idea, was built by the residents' association in Dam Head Park, Blackley. It cost £15,000 and was funded by the local housing management company. Residents' association chairman Joan FitzGerald said: "When we tested it all the people we took in were over 70 and I have never heard so much laughing. I believe you are never too old to play and this also helps keep you fit." http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/a ... ge_id=1770

AKRON, OH - According to 44-year-old Karen Kershaw of Akron, the price of a used truck is $600 cash plus two sexual favors and four cartons of cigarettes (yes, cigarettes). These were the amounts to be paid to Rick Remmy, 39, only in the end she didn't get the truck. Now they're in Small Claims Court, where Karen wants her money back. A handwritten agreement outlined the values to be assigned to each item or act and bore what appeared to be Remmy's name at the bottom. Kershaw is asking for her money back and $14,700 in punitive damages because of the embarrassment she has suffered in having to file the lawsuit. A Municipal Judge is expected to rule in the next week whether the "contract" is legitimate and whether Kershaw should be tried for prostitution.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 211empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Potatoes Store potatoes in a cool (40F), dark place for months. Do not allow potatoes to freeze. Potatoes should be stored in a bin that is at least a few inches off the ground but not piled more than 18 inches deep. Where I grew up, most houses had a potato cellar that had at least a quarter of the floor just packed dirt. The rest, and walkways were concrete or boardwalks. Folk wisdom said that potatoes needed the gases emerging from the earth, otherwise they would not last until the next harvest. The potatoes were in wooden bins sitting on 2x4's. That trick worked fine for us and we always still had some old potatoes, when we started harvesting the new ones. Even if you can't grow potatoes, it's still worth storing them if you have a basement. By spring potatoes in the store often cost three times as much as at harvest time. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Only ONE more day until GUILT DAY ! If you forget Valentines Day, you will be shown the meaning of guilt! Don't feel mushy and romantic? Don't worry ! Go to http://hicards.com and send, or PRE-send a funny cuPIG card. You can PRE-send cards now, while you remember, to arrive on Guilt Day. By the way, if you DO feel mushy, you can send traditional, cute and mushy Valentines cards from Hicards too.
The Korean War, in which the Marine Corps fought and won some of its most brutal battles, was not without its gallows humor. During one such conflict, a ROK (Republic of Korea) commander, whose unit was fighting with the Marines, called Chesty Puller, the legendary Marine warrior, to report a major Chinese attack in his sector. "How many Chinese are attacking you?" asked Puller. "Many, many Chinese!" replied the excited Korean officer. "G*ddammit!" swore Puller, "Put my Marine liaison officer on the radio." In a minute, an American voice came over the air: "Yes sir?" "Lieutenant," growled Chesty, "exactly how many Chinese you got up there?" "Colonel, we got a whole shitpot of Chinese up here!" "Thank God," exclaimed Puller, "at least there's someone up there who knows how to count!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Air Show Action
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 272 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 49 )
Dear Webby: No audio device found 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
Tuesday,  February 12, 2008
Two days till GUILT day!

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. --- Thomas Jones We are none of us infallible--not even the youngest of us. --- W. H. Thompson
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Two buddies are fishing, but they haven't caught anything all day. Then another fisherman walks by with a huge load of fish. They ask him, "Excuse me, but where did you get all those fish?" The other fisherman replies," If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a ton of hungry fish." They thank him and go on their way. Fifteen minutes later, one fisherman says to the other, "Fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty." He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. Still salty." Thirty minutes later, he asks him to check again. "Nope, still salty." One hour later, they check again. "Nope. Still salty." "This isn't good," the fisherman finally says. "We have been walking for almost two hours and the water is still salty!" "I know," says the other. "And the bucket is almost empty!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Irene for this story: Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Geoffrey Fryatt, 57 of Brisbane, Australia Big Nuisance! February 9, 2008 - Brisbane, Australia - Ananova Australian police declared a state of emergency after a drunken man threatened to blow up half a city with his TV remote control. Geoffrey Fryatt, 57, who lived in a luxury golf resort in Brisbane, was arrested by paramilitary police after terrifying neighbours by threatening to detonate a store of chemicals with the remote. "One push of the button will blow up half of Brisbane," he shouted during a stand off with police. Fryatt's lawyer told the Brisbane District Court that his client lost control after losing much of his life savings in a fraud, reports the Brisbane Times. "People are genuinely scared of sudden explosions," the judge said before sentencing him to a year's probation. Fryatt was concerned the sentence could interrupt his plans to do humanitarian aid work overseas but the judge told him: "Let's get you right before we send you off to a third world country." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2719201.html?menu=
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: This orchid bloomed today:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Deanie Re: No Audio Device Dear Webby, I sure hope you can guide me to the right path back. I don't know what I had done, I not only lost the sound icon but have no sound at all. Up pops a note when I reboot telling me that they found hard ware to install, multimedia Audio controller and can't find it. I went to sounds to find I have no audio device, now where do I go and what can I do to get it back? Be ever so great full for your help. I so respect your advice. Thank you, Deanie Dear Deanie In the old days, that would have called for "Percussive Maintenance". Sound cards were actual cards that were sitting in slots on the motherboard. Due to heating and cooling they eventually wiggled part way out of the slot and had to be bashed back in. Nowadays, unless you have a fancy after-marked add-on sound card, the sound is taken care off right on the motherboard. Turn the computer off, but don't unplug it. You need the grounding. Open the side cover and touch the fan housing or any bare metal to safely discharge any static you may be carrying. Try to keep one hand or arm on bare metal at all times while working in a computer. Check all cards that you see and make sure they are seated as deep in the slots as they go. Close the cover and turn the computer back on. If it can find the audio device now, you have fixed the problem. If it still can't find it, your audio card and/or the motherboard needs to be replaced. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Deeli's Kudos February 11, 2008 - Tampa, Florida - Happy News Authorities say a Labrador retriever named Jet really can fly. The 65-pound dog survived a six story leap from a Tampa airport parking garage and lived. Police and Jet's owners and vet say the 2-year old accidentally leaped over a parking garage railing on New Year's Eve and walked away from the landing — 60 to 80 feet below. Jet spent the night at a vet's office with a collapsed lung and some cuts and bruises. But by the next day, the dog was getting antsy again. His owners are Clayton and Jessica Tieman of Largo. They named Jet for the sheen of his black fur, not for any flying abilities. They say their next dog will get a more earthly name, perhaps Scooter. Information from: The Tampa Tribune, http://www.tampatrib.com

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer said he had buried them. The sheriff then asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?" The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Valentine's Day Movies Studios release romantic movies around Valentine's Day. If romantic films aren't your cup of tea, pick a movie that you will both like. Or, rent the first movie you both watched together. Even if it was an action film, it should bring back fond memories. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Only TWO more days until GUILT DAY ! If you forget Valentines Day, you will be shown the meaning of guilt! Don't feel mushy and romantic? Don't worry ! Go to http://hicards.com and send, or PRE-send a funny cuPIG card. You can PRE-send cards now, while you remember, to arrive on Guilt Day. By the way, if you DO feel mushy, you can send traditional, cute and mushy Valentines cards from Hicards too.
After driving all night, a man arrived in a small town where he decided to stop in the local park and catch some sleep. Just as he dozed off, there was a knock on the window. Outside the car, was a jogger. "Excuse me, can you give me the time?" the jogger inquired. "Groggily, the man replied, "It's 6:27." The man closed his eyes and just as he dozed off there was another knock on the window. There stood another jogger who said, "I'm sorry to disturb you. Do you have the time?", Struggling to keep up his spirits he replied, "It's 6:34." The man rolled up the window but realizing that this could go on indefinitely, he took paper and pen and created a sign which read: "I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME." He stuck the sign in the window, closed his eyes, and was barely asleep when there came yet another tap on the window. The man looked and sure enough, there was another jogger. He disgustedly rolled down the window and said, "Yeah, what is it?" The jogger replied, "It's 6:42."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Marine Wildlife
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 176 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 44 )
Dear Webby: How do I get rid of IE7? 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
Monday,  February 11, 2008

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered. --- G. K. Chesterton
Thanks to jrc for this classic: A man owned a small farm in Indiana. The Indiana State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent. " Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of beer every Saturday night. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally." "That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit," says the agent. "That would be me," replied the farmer.

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A traveling salesman stops at a farm house and is talking with the farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt and suspenders. He says, "What the heck is that all about?" The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed, so my wife made him clothes to keep him warm. You think he looks funny now, you should see him try to hold a hen down with one foot and get his pants off with the other!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Ioan Colceriu, 55,Romania Not a rail rider! February 6, 2008 - Bucharest, Hungary - Reuters A Romanian train driver leapt aboard a runaway engine to stop it after having left the brake off in a station but was killed when the stunt backfired, railway police said Wednesday. Ioan Colceriu, 55, was at a train station in the central town of Odorheiu Secuiesc, when he realized he had forgotten some papers in the station office. He went to fetch them but forgot to put the hand brake on the engine. When the engine moved off without him, the driver flagged down a taxi and chased it for six km (3.7 miles) before catching up with it. He jumped aboard the moving engine but slipped and fell under its wheels, railway police said. The locomotive travelled another 26 miles before somebody stopped it. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0802 ... d_train_dc ---------------------------- Passenger trains in Europe have dead-man switches that bring the train to a screeching halt, if a certain combination of buttons is not pusched once per minute or two. Shuttle engines, that are used to assemble freight trains in the order that cars are dropped off, don't have those switches. I used to "ride the rails" when I was much younger, but I would never jump a locomotive. If there were no freight cars, then there was always another train coming soon. Jumping a loco was considered suicidal even way back then, no matter how many freights a guy had jumped. DearWebby
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture from the USO care package run to raise funds for sending care packages to soldiers in Afghanistan and Iraq. Over 1000 riders participated.
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rick Re: How do I get rid of IE7 Dear Webby, I know your site advises to install the IE7 blocker. Unfortunately, before I could download the tool, my computer downloaded IE7. Am I stuck with it or is there a way to get rid of it? Thanks in advance. Love your informative and funny articles. Rick Dear Rick IE7 is just a skin over IE6. You can peel it off by uninstalling IE7 from Control Panel, Add/Remove software. Same as the Chinese made Maxthon browser, IE7 needs IE6 as the engine and won't run without IE6 under the hood. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A burglar needing money to pay his income taxes decided to burgle the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning "Can't trust nobody no more!"

Deeli's Kudos February 1, 2008 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters A German medical student got some unexpected practical experience at the zoo when she gave the kiss of life to a baby tiger choking on a piece of meat, the zoo director said Friday. The student was passing the enclosure with her toddler son on a visit several weeks ago when she noticed the 4-month-old tiger choking and offered her assistance to the helpless keeper, said Andreas Jacob, director of the zoo in the eastern German city of Halle. "The tiger tried to eat a piece of meat that was too big and started choking and shaking and then fell over," the student, Janine Bauer, told MDR radio. "We got the piece out but he wasn't breathing so I tried mouth-to-mouth and heart massage," she added. "After 3-5 minutes he came to, thank God." The zoo, which held a ceremony Friday to thank Bauer, has decided to call the tiger Johann, after her one-year-old son. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0802 ... d_tiger_dc

While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses on the table, but she didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The elderly man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. He called his wife every bad name he could think of. When they finally arrived at the restaurant, and the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the man yelled to her, "And while you're in there, you might as well get my hat, too."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Watch Shipping Charges With Online Auctions You can find good deals at online auctions but one trick that some sellers play is they offer a low bid price for the product, but have a really high shipping price. Never bid on an item until you have calculated the cost of your bid and the shipping charge. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Only six more days until GUILT DAY ! If you forget Valentines Day, you will be shown the meaning of guilt! Don't feel mushy and romantic? Don't worry ! Go to http://hicards.com and send, or PRE-send a funny cuPIG card. You can PRE-send cards now, while you remember, to arrive on Guilt Day. By the way, if you DO feel mushy, you can send traditional, cute and mushy Valentines cards from Hicards too.
Thanks to jrc for this story: Subject: How journalists see things A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl. The biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says - "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life." "It was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and SOMEBODY had to save her." "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know", the reporter said, "and tomorrow's papers will have this on the first page. What motorcycle do you drive?" "A Harley Davidson." The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on first page: BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: History of Mardi-Gras
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 190 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.2 / 53 )
Dear Webby, Will Microsoft enforce IE7 ? 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
Sunday,  February 10, 2008

The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. --- Arthur C. Clarke
Thanks to Ross for this classic: Y'know' said the Scotsman, 'I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you.' 'Well', said the Englishman, 'at my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink, if you pay for the first 2.' 'Ahhhhh, that's nothing', said the Irishman. 'Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house.' The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman's claims, but he swears every word is true. 'Well,' said the Englishman, 'did this actually happen to you?' 'Not me me-self, personally, no,' said the Irishman, 'but it happens to me sister every time she goes there.'

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Paul for this letter: THE JOB - URINE TEST Like a lot of folks in this country, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem. What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them? Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their butt, doing drugs, while I work. . . . Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check? Pass this along if you agree or simply delete if you don't. Hope you all will pass it along, though . . . Something has to change in this country -- and soon! Paul ------------- Dear Paul Absolutely nothing is going to be accomplished by forwarding emails and preaching to the converted. You, or somebody, needs to start a "Pro-Test" movement, and ask the political bigshots, that are being a nuissance all over the country, what THEY are going to do about it. I am all in favor of "Pro-Test", but you will have to figure out a solution about what to do when people fail the test. Addicts will always neglect their kids tocater to their habits. You can't deny basic necessities to a single mother of 12, just because the test shows she is a crack addict. One possibility would be to scale back the benefits from Middleclass+ to Lower Working class, and let them earn bonuses with clean tests and community work. You will have to do it soon, though. Good Luck DearWebby Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mayor Finkbeiner of Toledo, Ohio Dumbest Pinko or Pinkest Dumbo? February 9, 2008 - Toledo, Ohio - Blade Staff Writer, JC Reindl The 200 members of Company A, 1st Battalion, 24th Marines, based in Grand Rapids, Mich., planned to spend their weekend engaged in urban patrol exercises on the streets of downtown as well as inside the mostly vacant Madison Building, 607 Madison Ave. Toledo police knew days in advance about their plans for a three-day exercise, however Mayor Finkbeiner ordered the Marines out yesterday afternoon, just minutes before their buses were to arrive. "The mayor ordered them to leave because they frighten people." Members of the 1st Battalion, 24th Marines have trained periodically in downtown Toledo since at 2004. The Reservists' visit was no surprise to Toledo police, who Tuesday issued a news release to media outlets on behalf of the Marines, that asked Toledoans not to be startled by the sight of camouflaged soldiers toting M16 rifles. Police officers were awaiting the Marines' arrival and had set up a roadblock at Madison Avenue and Huron Street to keep regular traffic out of the designated exercise area.. Sergeant Davis and other company leaders estimated the total cost of the aborted training exercise, including travel, at roughly $10,000.
Thanks to Jai for sending this picture of a white moose from near Ft St John, BC:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: BroJoe Re: IE7 enforced my Microsoft Dear Webby Your thoughts on this, please. BroJoe (.... a whole bunch of incorrect drivel from Microsoft sheep Erin at worldstart...) Dear BroJoe That is pure BS. We, amongst many others like the US Department of Defense banned IE7 from all of our computers. The writer of that lame drivel seems to be a particularly dumb sheep. To block IE7 you do NOT disable automatic updates and patches. You get the IE7 Blocker from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools, or search for it at Microsoft, but you don't turn off automatic updates to Windows! IE6 works fine, and so do about 50 other browsers. There is absolutely no need for IE7. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
College student: "Hey, Dad! I've got some great news for you!" Father: "What, son?" College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?" Father: "I certainly do." College student: "Well, you get to keep it!"

Deeli's Kudos February 7, 2008 - Calgary, Canada - Canadian Press A Calgary woman narrowly avoided getting hit by several chunks of ice that crashed through her bedroom ceiling Thursday morning, likely dropped from a passing airplane. The city fire department says the woman was in the room and only a few steps away when debris "exploded" from the roof shortly before 9:30 a.m. Fire crews found several chunks of ice about 15 centimetres long on the bed, along with pieces of shingles, plywood, drywall and insulation. The best guess is the "frozen liquid" fell from a passing airplane. And fire department spokesman Jeff Budai says he can't think of anything else that would cause such damage. The Transportation Safety Board of Canada is looking into the incident and confirms that a couple of airplanes were in the area at the time. http://www.cbc.ca/cp/Oddities/080207/K020704AU.html

Thanks to Unc Wes for this report: In response to complaints by Rev. Sharpton and Jesse Jackson that there are not enough illegal immigrants appearing on TV, the Network has decided that in the future " America's Most Wanted".... will be shown 'TWICE' weekly.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Serving Food at Parties Put food out in smaller batches and replace it as it runs out. That way, the first food is just as good as the last. If food needs to be left out for long periods of time, make sure it is properly cooled or kept warm using either ice or warming trays. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Only six more days until GUILT DAY ! If you forget Valentines Day, you will be shown the meaning of guilt! Don't feel mushy and romantic? Don't worry ! Go to http://hicards.com and send, or PRE-send a funny cuPIG card. You can PRE-send cards now, while you remember, to arrive on Guilt Day. By the way, if you DO feel mushy, you can send traditional, cute and mushy Valentines cards from Hicards too.
Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change." Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes." "You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: History of Mardi-Gras
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 135 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 54 )
Dear Webby, how to align pictures in email? 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
Saturday,  February 9, 2008

A veteran - whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to ' The United States of America', for an amount of 'up to and including his life.' That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.
Thanks to Martin for this quiz: In case you don't ace it, the answer is near the end.

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, so coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, "Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then answered, "That would be 4, I think." "Did you say 4?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he had got it right. Suddenly all the other players on the team began screaming..., "Come on coach, give him another chance!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chris Foster of Dorset, UK Low Key February 7, 2008 - Dorset, UK - Ananova A drunk student swallowed his room key so his friends couldn't take him home and put him to bed. When Chris Foster woke up, after sleeping on a friend's sofa, he had no recollection of the incident. After telling doctors what may have happened, the computer design student underwent an x-ray and was stunned to see the two-inch Yale key lying in the pit of his stomach. Medics told him to let nature take its course - and the key emerged 31 hours later. Chris cleaned it up and put it back on his keyring. Chris said: "I slept on a friend's sofa that night and I couldn't find it anywhere the next day. I thought it was a bit of a wind up when my friend said that I had swallowed it. "But my throat started to feel very sore and my stomach didn't feel right so my friend took me to hospital on the bus. "I was stunned when I first saw the key in my stomach but then couldn't stop laughing - even the doctors were sniggering." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2716175.html?menu=
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Daniel Re: Pictures in email Dear Webby two questions.how can you enlarge a picture that is on an email you are sending, and why won't my stamp stay on the right side of the email ? as soon as i touch a key,it slides to the left side. thanks again, daniel, Dear Daniel You can't enlarge pictures in email after you have pasted them. You have to make them larger before you paste them. To make a picture stay on the right side, with Eudora you highlight the picture, then click on the Right-Align button. DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me..... I know we've been friends for a long time..... but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

Deeli's Kudos WEYMOUTH, Mass. A 27-year-old man who fell through the ice while walking home in the dark survived the frigid plunge thanks to a neighbor who skidded across the pond in a canoe. Rescuers and neighbors could hear Jason Dubois' cries for help but could not initially see him in the dark at 2 a.m. Sunday as he was treading water in Whitman's Pond in Weymouth. ''It was very disturbing. He was saying, 'I'm going down. Don't let me die.' It was really scary,'' neighbor John Volta said. ''I just grabbed the canoe and went off like on a skateboard out to him and then the ice started to crack, so I just pushed it as far as I could and then the fireman came up beside me.'' Volta was treated for hypothermia and released from a local hospital. Authorities say they were lucky to have the canoe to help the rescue. A fire station a half-mile from the pond has an ice boat, but the station was closed because of budget constraints. http://www.happynews.com/news/1282008/m ... d-pond.htm ----------------------- A canoe is actually a bad idea, it's keel ridge puts all the weight onto a very small area. The best ice rescue tool, aside from the safety ropes, is an air mattress with a thin sheet of plywood on top. A twin size air mattress distributes the weight so well, that half an inch of ice is plenty to carry me and another person quite safely. DearWebby

A father spoke to his son, "It's time we had a little talk, my son. Soon, you will have urges and feelings you've never had before. Your heart will pound & your hands will sweat. You'll be preoccupied and won't be able to think of anything else." He added, "But don't worry, it's perfectly normal... it's called golf."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Caulking and Stain Patch any caulking that is missing or damaged around your house or chimney. If you have a wood fence, deck or outdoor furniture you should inspect it in the spring to see if you are going to need to re-stain it. Staining your outdoor furniture and fencing will dramatically increase their lifetime. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Only six more days until GUILT DAY ! If you forget Valentines Day, you will be shown the meaning of guilt! Don't feel mushy and romantic? Don't worry ! Go to http://hicards.com and send, or PRE-send a funny cuPIG card. You can PRE-send cards now, while you remember, to arrive on Guilt Day. By the way, if you DO feel mushy, you can send traditional, cute and mushy Valentines cards from Hicards too.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Salt Industry
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 131 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 51 )
Dear Webby: Vista problem 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning,  !
Friday,  February 8, 2008
Wear sometghing red to show your support for the troops!


A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on. --- William S. Burroughs Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes. --- Aaron McGruder
Message to JR: The sniveling ninnies at cableone.net messed up your subscription, again. Time to get a decent email provider like gmail. There is never any complaint from the many Thousands of subscribers who use gmail, because it is more reliable than their ISP. Good luck! DearWebby
Thanks to Ross for this story: An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall. 'Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?' The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, 'Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?' 'I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with boobs like yours, she seems to appear out of nowhere.'

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Someone said this to me today, and I about laffed myself silly. Maybe you can clean it up a tad and use it. Jai...>^.^<... "Opinions are like asses. Everybody has one, And nobody thinks their's stinks." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nationwide Collection Agency Expensive Collection February 1, 2008 - Buffalo, New York - AP A collection agency tried to collect a $16.96 debt with a letter that addressed its recipient with a four-letter word for excrement. "Dear S---," began the letter attempting to collect from an old record club membership. The word was spelled out in the letter, which arrived in an envelope addressed to "S--- Face." "I've never seen anything quite so brazen," said attorney Kenneth Hiller. Under U.S. law, debt collectors are not allowed to use profanity to collect a debt, Hiller said, nor are they supposed to threaten legal action over such a small amount. Nationwide President Phillip McGarvey said the October 2007 letter was automatically generated . "S--- Face" is the name under which the account was opened and the way the coupon to start the club was filled out, he said. Hiller's client has signed an affidavit saying he never signed up for the music club membership under that name. http://www.wral.com/news/strange/story/2386078/
Thanks to Martin for sending this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Klaus Re: Vista Problem Dear Webby As per usual when I have a problem I turn to you for your always great advice. I ran Spybot yesterday and it came up with a the following problem 'Microsoft Windows Security Center. Task Manager'. Spybot has never identified this problem before. Spybot could not get rid of it and I am wondering if that is part of Microsoft Vista or if in fact I need to get rid of it. If so, how? Thanks Klaus Dear Klaus We don't allow Vista onto or near any Webby machine, and I still recommend getting rid of Vista and using XP. If you insist on using Vista anyway, you are on your own. Good Luck! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Recently, a young woman came into my father's insurance office with her newborn twins. Dad asked her if she ever had any trouble telling them apart. She gave him a funny look before responding, "No, I haven't had any problem. This is Benjamin and that one is Elizabeth."

Deeli's Kudos February 6, 2008 - Pella, Iowa - ABC News It was a script from "The Millinaire" come to life for a couple named Alissa and Barry as they ate last Thursday at Dr. Salami's Cafe in Pella, Iowa. "He basically just came into the restaurant and started talking to us," Barry said. "He was most interested in whether we had any children." After they replied that Alissa did indeed have a 2-year-old child, the man slid a check across the table and asked the couple to fill out the check with any amount they wished. The two assumed he was joking and made the check out for $100,000. The benefactor signed the check and said, "I'm good for it," Alissa said. The next day Alissa and Barry were unsure of what they were going to do with the check. "We're either going to throw it away or try it. Let's give it a whirl," Barry said." So they endorsed it and, to their stunned delight, the check actually cleared and they received the gift of a lifetime. There were conditions on their enjoying the money. They were not to reveal their last names or to identify the source of the money. They were to use the cash to buy or build a house. And if they have a child together, they must name the child after the benefactor. The man told them that he regretted that he had never had grandchildren, which was why he asked them to name their next child after him, Alissa and Barry said. http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=4237663

Thanks to Sandie for this story: Since I was processing my first accident report at the transport company where I worked, I was being particularly attentive. The driver had hit a deer on the highway and the result was a severely damaged hood and fender. My serious mood was broken, however, when I reached the section of the report that asked, "Speed of other vehicle?" The driver had put, "Full gallop."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flip The Script For Valentine's Day For guys (or gals) who don't cook a lot, take it upon yourself to cook a Valentine's dinner for your significant other. Try cooking your partner's favorite dish. Even if the meal turns out less than perfect, the thoughtfulness and effort will be appreciated. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Only six more days until GUILT DAY ! If you forget Valentines Day, you will be shown the meaning of guilt! Don't feel mushy and romantic? Don't worry ! Go to http://hicards.com and send, or PRE-send a funny cuPIG card. You can PRE-send cards now, while you remember, to arrive on Guilt Day. By the way, if you DO feel mushy, you can send traditional, cute and mushy Valentines cards from Hicards too.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Guppies Galore
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 136 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 56 )
Dear Webby: Can't delete hotmails 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
Thursday,  February 6, 2008

Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records. --- William Arthur Ward
Thanks to Wendy for sending this story: A Taxi driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago. Nothing is moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window. The taxi driver rolls down his window and asks, 'What happened, what's the hold up?' 'Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Ted Kennedy. They are asking for a $1 million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection.' The cabbie asks, 'On average, how much is everyone giving?' 'Oh, about a gallon.'

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Roland for this story: Sitting through fire safety and prevention programs can make anyone nod off. So the instructor tried to lighten the mood by going around the room asking where all the guests were from. "Burnt Mattress, Arkansas," called out the friend sitting next to me. "Burnt Mattress!" said the instructor, suppressing a laugh. "I've heard some unusual town names before, but never that one. Where's it located?" My friend shot back, "Right above Hot Springs." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Steven Zahorsky, 24, in Stamford, Connecticut Expensive ad! February 1, 2008 - Stamford, Connecticut - AP If you're looking to sell high-grade marijuana, Craigslist may not be the place to do it. A man learned that the hard way when the "buyer" who contacted him turned out to be an undercover officer, Stamford police said. Police said Steven Zahorsky, 24, posted an ad for "Mary Jane in Fairfield County." The ad offered a half-ounce of "A plus" marijuana for $220 and the same amount of "B plus" marijuana for $160. Stamford Lt. Jon Fontneau said officers spotted the ad and responded, claiming to be a painting crew interested in buying drugs during a work break. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22958359/
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mike Re: Can't delete hotmail mails Dear Webby; I have a hotmail account well I have two of them, one is working fine, but the second one is not. In that I delete messages from my inbox but then they reappear the next time I open up the inbox, consequently I have 400 some messages in this particular hotmail account. Microsoft has not been much help, to say the least. Thanks Mike Dear Mike Maybe it's time to leave ho'mail to the kids, and graduate to gmail. You knew that sooner or later you would get fed up enough to finally graduate, so you might as well do it now. I will send you a referral. It is totally free. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to Sandie for this story: My friend, Don, a minor-league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to referee an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign that read: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only!" As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message, written in Braille.

Deeli's Kudos January 31, 2008 - Tokyo, Japan - AFP A bottled card released in the sea by children has been returned nearly three decades later. Inside, was found a card sent in 1979 from middle-school students some 1,200 kilometres away in western Japan as part of a class science project. It arrived on Tuesday at the school in Tottori, where the current class of students aged 13-15 were half the age of the card. Students of the school released 5,500 bottles into the Tsushima Straits between western Japan and the Korean Peninsula over a period of 11 years from the early 1970s to study sea currents and Japan's relations with the rest of Asia. Toshio Enjo, a 75-year-old former school teacher who led the project, said the return of the card was "unbelievable." He said the school got 760 replies from the bottles with the last one coming some 20 years ago. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/080131/o ... on_offbeat

Thanks to oredwine for bringing back this classic: Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children. and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it. Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg." Then, unfortunately, Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?" Of course the rest is history......................

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fish Buying Tips Fish meat should be firm, not soft or mushy. Fish eyes should be shiny and protrude from the fish. If they are dull or sunken, the fish should be avoided. The fish should smell fresh and not overly fishy or musty. The skin should have a nice sheen and the scales should not be coming off. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Keli and Greg were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," said Greg in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." Keli agreed and, like the dear she is, insisted Greg go first. "I'm wrong," Greg said. With a twinkle in her eye, Keli responded, "You're right!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Happy new year for China!
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 197 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 56 )
Dear Webby: Opera is now free, but can't handle RoboForm yet 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
Wednesday,  February 6, 2008

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
Thanks to Roland for this report: I sold an item through eBay but it got lost in the mail. So I stopped by my local post office and asked them to track it down. "It's not that simple," the clerk scolded. "You have to fill out a mail-loss form before we can initiate a search." "Okay," I said. "I'll take one." He rummaged under his counter, then went to ask some other clerks, who did the same -- only to return and confess, "You'll have to come back later. We can't find the forms."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Late one night I stopped at one of those 24-hour gas station mini-marts to get myself a fresh-brewed cup of coffee. When I picked up the pot, I could not help noticing that the brew was as black as asphalt and just about as thick. "How old is the coffee you have here?" I asked the woman who was standing behind the store counter. She shrugged. "I don't know. I've only been working here two weeks." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Time Warner Cable Dumb Customer Relations move February 1, 2008 - Wheatland, Wisconsin - AP Having a tornado demolish her home was bad enough. But weeks later when Ann Beam received a $2,000 cable bill for destroyed equipment, she was floored. Time Warner Cable billed a number of Wheatland residents for equipment damaged in the Jan. 7 twister. Beam's bill covered five cable boxes and five remote controls. She immediately called the cable company. "They said I would have to take the bill and turn it in to my insurance company." But her cable equipment was nine years old and the insurance company would pay only a depreciated value. Beam's case was a misunderstanding, Time Warner Cable spokeswoman Celeste Flynn said. Some customers were charged for unreturned equipment but only because they cancelled or transferred their service without mentioning the tornado, she said. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0802 ... ll_tornado
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: This red passion bloomed this evening.
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Many Re: Opera is free Dear Webby; Opera is now free and without ads! Thanks to all who wrote! Yes Opera is now indeed free and without ads. I downloaded the newest version today. Opera doesn't work yet with RoboForm, but seems fine for mild and casual browsing. For serious browsing or work, where RoboForm plays an important role, Opera and WebTV are not quite ready yet. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to Sandie for this story: As the owner of an old clunker, I was used to dealing with a variety of car breakdowns. One day at the supermarket, just after I had filled my trunk with groceries, I noticed a stream of fluid pouring out of the bottom of the car. I knew I had to get home before the car was once again out of action. When I arrived, I asked my husband to take a look at the problem. Expecting the worst, I braced myself for his diagnosis. When he came back in, he was smiling. "It's apple juice," he said.

Deeli's Kudos February 5, 2008 - Kansas City, Missouri - UPI An 80-year-old Kansas City, Mo., woman lost her purse in a scuffle with an 18-year-old man, but was able to grab the thief's gun, authorities said. The woman grabbed the shotgun after the attacker dropped it during the fight. She threatened to shoot, but she did not follow through on the threat and the thief got away with the purse. A witness directed police to a nearby apartment building, where officers were able to follow a trail of footprints in the snow to an apartment where they found suspect Dandre Bell. Officers said Bell was carrying the victim's checks in his pocket, and the missing purse was found on the apartment landing. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-296476-492455

Fresh out of business school, a young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. "I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "Excuse me?" the accountant said. "I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back." "I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?" "I'll start you at eighty thousand." "Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?" "That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Working With Glitter If you are working with glitter or other small material for crafts, be sure to put down a piece of newspaper before you start working. Then when you are done, you can form the newspaper into a funnel and pour the extra back into the glitter container. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Laura was attending her High School reunion and was having a blast. As the evening was drawing to a close, the master of ceremonies for the night proceeded to hand out bottles of champagne to the graduates who had traveled the farthest distance to attend the reunion, the graduate who had been married the longest time, the graduate who had become the most successful, etc. And Laura wondered if she was going to get a prize too. Sure enough, the master of ceremonies called out her name. "Laura, you win with 11 kids." and then, trying to be clever, he added in "And champagne is only half the prize. The other half is a giant, economy size bottle of aspirin." "Don't bother with the aspirin," Laura replied. "It's obvious with these many kids that I've never had a headache."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Connie and quite a few others for today's Bonus Link: Super Bowl Ads and spoofs
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 356 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 55 )
Dear Webby: MSIE crashes at Google, anti-Google bug ? 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
Tuesday,  February 5, 2008

Congressmen who willfully take actions during wartime that damage the morale and undermine the military are saboteurs and should be arrested, exiled or hanged. --Abraham Lincoln
Who says today's kids aren't smart? Well, some of them are!! I wish I'd thought of this. Cookie At a high School in Montana a group of high schoolers played a prank on the school. They let three goats loose in the school. Before they let them go they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1,2,4. Local school administrators spent most of the day looking for #3.
A friend hosted a dinner party for people from work and everyone was encouraged to bring their children. All during the sit-down dinner one co-worker's three year old girl stared at the man sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food for staring. The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but finally it was too much for him. He asked her "Why are you staring at me?" Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response. The little girl said "I want to see how you drink like a fish."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Marg for this report: For all of you with teenagers or who had teenagers, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: 1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name. 2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all human efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. 3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents. 4. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor you teen will ever crack a smile. 5. No cat or teenager shares you taste in music. 6. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing. 7. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did. 8. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom. 9. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture. 10. Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior. Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned. As for the use of catnip as a reward or an enticement, that is being hotly debated. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a drunk driver in Minnesota Maximizing jail time January 31, 2008 - Wilton, Minnesota - AP Chase Torgerson and Cody Charpentier were driving along a highway near Wilton when they saw a car fly through the air and crash into a median. They jumped out to help only to turn around moments later and see one of the passengers from the crashed car hop into Torgerson's vehicle and peel away. And, to make matters worse, the car thief rolled Torgerson's car, totalling it, just about 800 yards down the road on Highway 2. Torgerson, who has had National Guard training, began tending to an injured passenger who was dangling out of two blown-out windows. He even put his own gloves on the victim and, with wind chills at minus-34 degrees, he used his bare hand to call 911 with his cell phone. Once Torgerson's car was totaled, the car thief ran away. Authorities used a police dog to find the driver, who was hiding under a semitrailer truck. Wittenberg said all three people in the first vehicle were "heavily intoxicated." http://wcco.com/watercooler/car.crash.v ... 42760.html
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: MSIE crashing at Google Dear Webby; Again as usual you had some funny jokes today. I also liked the tech suggestion. I saved it as sometimes I too get the wrong address show up in the auto fill. I have a question about Internet Explorer 6. I have a gmail address. When I get in to to read my mail I get an error box that tells me internet explorer has encountered a problem & must close. This does not happen when I'm in hotmail nor in yahoo mail programs. I do not know who to contact about this as I have had a hard time trying to contact gmail & get answers from them. Do you have any suggestions about this? Thanks for your help. Sharon Dear Sharon I found this: "This is a known bug in handling JavaScript that Microsoft introduced in several IE6 security updates, while trying to fix a different JavaScript handling bug. See bug report KB940072. Bug is actually triggered by the JScript usage of the web page that precedes the page where the crash occurs. A hotfix is available. IE7 has a similar startup crash problem but caused by a different .dll. Even though some people call it the "anti-Google bug", it's not. MSIE crashes at other pages too." Sharon, I have mine on automatic update with IE7 locked out, and it seems to have gotten updated in time and I never experienced any of those browser crashes. You can also use other browsers for those sites that the Microsoft browser can't handle. FireFox is quite good, Opera is excellent, but not free, Maxthon, the Chinese MSIE clone, has some MSIE bugs fixed, but not all. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
The student - not necessarily a well-prepared student - sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk ." What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Cats can't steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. Um. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more he sighed. He frowned. He scowled. Then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly he scribbled his definitive answer: 4. Available in attractive containers. He got an A for it.

Deeli's Kudos February 1, 2008 - Medford, Wisconsin - AP A Wisconsin man says his trusty pickup is on the verge of making history. Frank Oresnik says his 1991 Chevy Silverado is about to pass the one million mile mark. He says the truck is 1,200 miles (1,930 kilometres) from a million. He plans to retire the vehicle once it hits the milestone. Oresnik credits proper maintenance and luck for allowing the truck to roll up so many miles. He bought the Silverado in June 1996 after the original owner put 41,000 miles ( 66,000 kilometres) on it. General Motors and Shell are said to be interested in examining the engine. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0802 ... mile_truck

A man walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the end of it. She is so beautiful he cannot take his mind off her, so he calls the bartender over and says, "Take that woman a drink on me." The bartender says, "It won't work." "What do you mean, it won't work?" "That woman," says the barkeep, "is hard-hearted and hostile. You won't get nowhere with her - nobody does!" "Okay," says the guy. "How about this: you got any Spanish fly?" "Spanish fly? No," says the bartender, "I've got Jewish Fly." "So, what the hell is Jewish fly?" "I don't know; I've never used it. You want to give it a try?" "Yes," says the guy, and the next chance he gets, on his way to the men's room, he reaches behind her back and drops the stuff in the woman's drink. Nothing happens for a long time, but then all of a sudden he feels her body close against his, and her voice is whispering hotly in his ear, and she's saying "I can't stand it anymore! .......You excite me so much...take me shopping!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get More Life Out of Sandpaper Just because a sandpaper has become flat doesn't necessarily mean it's worn out. The sandpaper may just be clogged with sawdust. Try removing the sawdust with a soft bristled brush. A suede brush made with brass wire or brass plated steel wire works very well for reviving sand paper, even if it is clogged with not completely dry glue or paint. The wire is harder than the glue, but softer than the grit. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

There was this man in a mental hospital. All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen. The doctors would watch this guy do this day after day. One doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything." The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Organic Food Companies
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 227 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 44 )
Dear Webby, how do I hide recipient addresses? 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
Monday,  February 4, 2008

How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct. --- Benjamin Disraeli,
Thanks to Dianne for this wise advice: Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married... The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed three times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another nine times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed... three cuckoos plus nine cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos— MIDNIGHT!) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT.' He didn't seem annoyed in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, 'oh, shit.' Cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, farted and tripped over the coffee table.
A distinguished clergyman and a friend were playing golf. It was a very close match, and at the last hole the two were only one stroke apart. The clergyman teed up, addressed the ball, and swung his driver with great force...slicing the ball deep into the woods. The clergyman glared, and bit his lip while his face turned crimson, but said nothing. His opponent looked at him for a moment and then remarked, "Reverend, that is the most profane silence I have ever heard."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Q: How long does a United States Congressman serve? A: Until he gets caught. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Westboro Perverts Gross Insanity Now that the Westboro Perverts can't protest at hero's funerals any more, because they would get arrested, IF they make it through the shield of the Patriot Riders, they are going to Berkeley and protest the Marine recruiting office. The Westboro perverts are going to protest because the Marines were forced by the ACLU and the Senate to stop openly discriminating against homosexuals, AND they are going to protest against the Pinkos, because those are protesting that the Marines don't welcome homosexuals. "WBC will picket the Marine recruiting office & Code Pink. WBC will picket the downtown Marine recruiting office in Berkeley - at noon, Mon., Feb. 11 - in religious protest and warning." DUH! I think the gene pool needs more chlorine.
Thanks to my dad for these pictures: They are from his kitchen in Austria to a mountain in Switzerland with the window of the mountaintop restaurant reflecting the sun. The distance is about 30 miles. The precise angles necessary for that window to reflect into his kitchen happens once a year for about a minute. As you can see from the slight window reflection of another window in the upper left corner, he didn't waste half a minute to run outside, but shot the picture right through the kitchen window. And with full zoom:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jeanne Re: Hiding recipient addresses Dear Webby, My question is how do you forward a list of information or jokes to list of friends without it showing up on the To: or Cc: I want it to go out without them seeing who I sent it to. Thanks, Jeanne, From London Dear Jeanne Look for the BCC (Blind Carbon Copy) The BCC addresses don't show to other recipients. Make sure you put your own address into the TO, otherwise your mail will look like spam and be filtered out by a lot of mail services. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father. "Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

Deeli's Kudos February 1, 2008 - Maryland Heights, Missouri - AP It looks like a couple of suburban St. Louis purse snatchers picked the wrong women to attack. The victims fought back - with a snow shovel. Police in Maryland Heights released details of the incident outside a Schnucks grocery store. The women were unloading groceries when the thieves tried to steal two purses from their cart. One of the women grabbed a shovel from the suspects' pickup and smacked one of the men upside the head. The other woman jumped into the cab and beat up the other suspect, then grabbed the keys so he couldn't drive away. Police tracked the men to a hotel. The man struck with the shovel required staples to close the gash in his head. Both are jailed and charged with robbery. http://www.examiner.com/a1196240~Women_ ... ss-Strange

An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "You'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the harried waiter. "I can only serve one table at a time."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Give A Live Plant Instead Of A Bouquet Instead of a flower bouquet that will be wilted and in the trash in a week or two, consider buying a plant. It could be a houseplant or something to plant in the yard in the spring. You can enclose a card saying, "Watch our love grow!" And if the plant dies, you can razz them all year long! Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A firefighter is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little Red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a Firefighter's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The firefighter says, "Hey, little girl, whatcha doing?" The little girl says, "I'm pretending to be a firefighter, and this is my fire truck!" The firefighter walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl, that sure is a nice fire truck!" the firefighter says. "Thanks, mister," says the little girl. The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the wagon to the dog's testicles. "Little girl," says the firefighter, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck, I think you could go faster." The little girl says, "You're probably right, mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Organic Food Companies
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 143 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 58 )
Dear Webby, how do I delete bad Auto-Complete choices? 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
Sunday,  February 3, 2008

"As I look around me, a bright sky I see, and a shadow beside me. Six more weeks of winter it will be!" --- On Gobbler's Knob on Groundhog Day, February 2nd, 2008 Punxsutawney Phil, the Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of all Prognosticators
Then there was the hillbilly woman who came to the hospital to have her first child. A year later she was back for a second child. The next year, almost like clockwork, she was back for her third child. The hospital staff naturally began to expect her, and she was there, just like clockwork. In the twelfth year - she didn't show, and the staff wondered what happened...A couple of years later she shows up, but she's not pregnant. The hospital staff wonder what happened - did her husband die, or what? When asked why she hadn't been there having a baby the past couple of years, she replied "No, no more. Found out what was causin' it."
From Vince: When my wife says, "Do you know what we need to do?" it's a pretty safe bet, that she doesn't really mean "we."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Elsie for this one: While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man just sat there, alone and quiet. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Romainan and a sex shop in Brasov, Transylvania Not shy about it February 1, 2008 - Brasov, Transylvania - Ananova Consumer protection officials in Romania have upheld a complaint from a man who said his inflatable doll had lost its moan. A sex shop in Brasov, Transylvania, was fined £600 and ordered to provide the man, said to be in his 40s, with a new doll. The man had also complained that the rubber doll deflated too quickly, according to local media. Iulian Mara, head of the local Consumer Protection Office, said: "No matter how strange it sounded to us, we went to the sex-shop from where the man bought the object of complaint and found out he was justified. "The doll was losing air very quickly and due to a faulty electrical circuit it didn't make the expected specific sounds." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2707837.html?menu=
Thanks to Ross for sending this story and picture: Daughter: My friends and I want to go out tonight. Mother: Where are ya'll going? Daughter: To the cowboy bar on the edge of town. Mother: I'm don't think you should. There's been a lot of trouble at that place. I heard there was a fight there last weekend, and several people got hurt. Daughter: But mom!! Please!! It'll be okay. Mother: No, your life is more important than going out. Daughter: But Tiny is going with us... Mother: Well, in that case, it should be okay. Ya'll have fun!
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Deleting bad Auto-Complete choices Dear Webby, How do I get rid of all the incorrect addresses in the auto fill (I know it's my fault -but I can't find a way to delete them) Bob Dear Bob For that you need a trick that goes back to the days before the mouse. Use the arrow keys to highlight a bad address, and hit the delete key. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Sherry the secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you" "Sherry honey, why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once." "Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You're not sterile....."

Deeli's Kudos February 1, 2008 - Clearwater, Florida - St. Petersburg Times A 92-year-old blind golfer has hit a hole-in-one in Florida. Leo Fiyalko was playing a 110-yard, par-3 hole in Clearwater. "It was my first hole-in-one, and I never saw it," he said. "I was just trying to put the ball on the green." Mr. Fiyalko once played to a seven handicap but he began suffering macular degeneration 10 years ago. He is now legally blind and needs help lining up his shots and finding his golf balls. When told of his achievement, he reportedly said only: "How about that." His friends in the Twilighters Club golf group presented him with a plaque to commemorate the feat. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2709037.html?menu=

A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. The head nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" The head nurse said, "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" The patient said, "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Snowflake Heart Valentine Make snowflake hearts, just as you would make paper snowflakes but in the shape of hearts. Cut out a large heart, fold it a few times, then take a pair of scissors and cut different shaped wedges around the edges. Paste it to to some colored card stock and write a message for your loved one. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people at the clerk's office that she was exempt because of her age. "You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they said. "I've already done that," she replied. "I did it last year." "You have to do it every year," she was told. "Why?" came the response. "Do you think I'm going to get younger without telling anybody?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Groundhog's Prediction
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 147 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 800 )
Dear Webby: sbcglobal mail problems 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
Saturday,  February 2, 2008

The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil but because of those who look on and do nothing. --- Albert Einstein
Thanks to Roland for this classic: Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. 'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, 'but in just a few weeks, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 BILLION dollars.' Impressed, the woman obtained his business card. Three days later, she became his stepmother. Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
TRANSLATION OF VACATION TERMS When choosing a vacation spot, be aware of the following advertising terminology and their meanings . . . Tropical . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Rainy. Old world charm . . . . . . . . No bath. Open bar . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Free ice cubes Pre registered rooms . . . . .Both already occupied. Majestic setting . . . . . . . . . A long way from town. Secluded hideaway . . . . . . Impossible to find except by cab Options galore . . . . . . . . . . Nothing on the itinerary is included. Knowledgeable trip hosts . .They've been on a greyhound once Gentle breezes . . . . . . . . . OccasionalGale force winds. Plush . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Top and bottom sheets. Light and airy . . . . . . . . . . No air conditioning. Picturesque . . . . . . . . . . . Cutie on the billboard across the street Nominal fee . . . . . . . . . . . . Outrageous charge. Explore on your own . . . . . Pay for it yourself. No extra fees . . . . . . . . . . . No extras. Standard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Sub-standard. Deluxe . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Standard. Superior . . . . . . . . . . . . . . One free shower cap. All the amenities . . . . . . . . Shower cap and soap. Internet access . . . . . . . . You need your own dial-up account Only 25 cents per call . . . We knock you off-line every 5 minutes

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Berkley, California town council Pinko Hyppocrites February 1, 2008 - Berkeley, California - Contra Costa Times Thanks to David for this submission Hey-hey, ho-ho, the Marines in Berkeley have got to go. That's the message from the Berkeley City Council, which voted 8-1 Jan. 29 to tell the Marines that its Shattuck Avenue recruiting station "is not welcome in the city, and if recruiters choose to stay, they do so as uninvited and unwelcome intruders." In addition, the council voted to explore enforcing its law prohibiting discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation against the Marines, and officially encouraged the fanatical left wing Pro-Castro / Anti Bush feminist group Code Pink to impede the work of the Marines in the city by protesting in front of the station. In a separate council item, the council voted 8-1 to give Code Pink a designated parking space in front of the recruiting station once a week for six months and a free sound permit for protesting once a week from noon to 4 p.m. For about the past four months, Code Pink has been protesting in front of the station. Sound Off...What do you think? Join the discussion: http://forums.military.com/eve/forums/a ... 61001/p/21 http://www.military.com/NewsContent/0,1 ... 14,00.html ------------------------------- Code pink was founded by pro-Castro and pro-Chavez radical Medea Benjamin, and works closely with Cindy Sheehan and Jodie Evans. Code Pink receives financial support from the Tides Foundation, the Streisand Foundation, and the New Priorities Foundation. For much of 2005, Code Pink for Peace staged weekly noisy protests outside of Walter Reed Army Medical Center, where many U.S. soldiers wounded in combat are treated. If you want to read up about Code Pink: About Code Pink http://snipurl.com/1ysvr
Thanks to Deeli for sending this picture: Thanks to Deeli for this: How the stock market works Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He then announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it! The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 ! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each." The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Some even got loans from a new bank in order to buy monkeys at $35 ! Then they never saw the man nor his assistant, only monkeys and bankers everywhere! Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rosalie Re: sbcglobal problems Dear Webby, I have been signed up to your web site for a long time and yet I only get your e-mails maybe once a month or every other month. I also signed up to Webby's site and never get anything, although I use to receive it everyday. Don't' know what the problem is but I sure do miss your's and Webby's everyday musings. Rosalie ******@sbcglobal.net Dear Rosalie With Yahoo's sbcglobal you have to expect that. It is not something you did or didn't do. All Yahoos have that problem. Just get yourself a free gmail address for important stuff. If you want a referral, let me know and I will generate one for you. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to Brigit for this report: In Marine Corps basic training, I soon learned that everything we recruits used belonged to our drill instructor. For instance, she referred to the stuff in our footlockers as "my trash" and to the racks where we slept as "my racks." One time when when we were whispering in the head (bathroom) while making "head calls," our drill instructor must have overheard us. To our surprise, she suddenly yelled, "Why do I hear voices in my head?"

Deeli's Kudos February 1, 2008 - Plympton, Devon, UK - Ananova A nine-year-old boy steered his mother's car to safety across three lanes of traffic when she blacked out at 70mph. Jonathan Anderson grabbed the steering wheel as the car lost control and hit the central barrier of the A38 in Plympton, Devon. Emergency services praised Jonathan for averting a much more serious accident and said he would receive a special bravery certificate. His mother, Marion Anderson, 34, who runs a curtain-making business, said: "He is my little superhero. The last thing I remember is driving over the flyover to take Jonathan to school. Jonathan said: "Mummy passed out so I held the steering wheel, pulled the handbrake and put the hazard lights on. The car stopped and the windscreen was smashed. It was scary because I have never driven a car before." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2707244.html?menu=

A boy was watching his father, a preacher, write a sermon. He asked, "How do you know what to say, dad?" His father said, "Why, God tells me, son." The boy was silent for a moment, then said, "Then why do you keep crossing things out?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Mail Box As A Train Tunnel If you know a toy train enthusiast (or are one yourself) you can use an old metal mailbox to create a tunnel for your train. Just remove the door and back of the mailbox and let your toy train travel through it. An old, worn out door mat or throw rug works fine too. Build the track first. It can be curved and even exit on the same side higher up, like the spiral tunnel at Kicking Horse Pass http://www.acs.ucalgary.ca/~keay/sprial.html Use a 2" vaccum cleaner hose or similar spacer on the track, drape the throw rug over it and sprinkle it with cement and water. You don't need a lot, it just has to be stiff enough, that it doesn't collapse when you pull the hose out a day later. You can, of course also use boxes or pieces of wood as spacers and create a realistic looking mountain. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The new father ran out of the delivery room and announced to the rest of his family waiting for the news, "We had twins!" The family was so excited, they immediately asked, "Who do they look like?" The father paused, smiled and said, "Each other."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Yellowstone National park
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 186 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 353 )
Dear ebby, is tehre a central privacy agency? 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Friday, February 1, 2008 Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. --- Mark Twain The American media reports the news under the privilege granted to them under the First Amendment. While that entails a moral responsibility to report without a leftist slant, that would require more integrity and competence than what we observe with the current crop. --- Socratex
Thanks to Jai for this story: A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?' Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.' Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?' The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.' The minister fainted.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Two rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole! I can't even see the bottom! I wonder how deep it is?" The second hunter says, "I don't know--let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom." The first hunter says, "There's this old transmission here-- give me a hand and we'll throw it in and see." So they pick it up and carry it over, and count, "one, and two, and three," and heave it in the hole. They are standing there listening and looking over the edge and they hear a rustling in the brush behind them. As they turn around they see a goat come crashing through the brush, run up to the hole with no hesitation, and jump in headfirst. While they are standing there looking at each other, looking in the hole, and trying to figure out what that was all about, an old farmer walks up. "Say there," says the farmer, "you fellers didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?" The first hunter says, "Funny you should ask--we were just standing here a minute ago, and a goat came running out of the bushes doin' about a hunert miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this hole here!" And the old farmer said, "Why that's impossible! I had him tied to a transmission!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
I stopped at a fast food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a sign which offered fat free french fries. I decided to give them a try. I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer which were dripping with fat. He filled a bag with these fries and put them in my order. "Just a minute!" I said. "Those aren't fat free." "Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes. The fat is free!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shannell Monique Mosley, Houston, Texas A bit too klutzy! January 9, 2008 - Houston, Texas - UPI A Texas woman allegedly left her eight children alone while she went to Africa to marry a man she had met online and now faces criminal charges when she returns. Investigators with Harris County Child Protective Services in Houston say a 15-year-old girl was forced into the role of parent for her seven brothers and sisters, as well as for a neighbor's two children. The teenager, overwhelmed by her responsibilities, eventually reported the situation to authorities. Investigators found the children in a roach-infested house scattered with debris. They are now in protective custody. Authorities said the mother, Shannell Monique Mosley, had removed all her belongings from the house as if not planning to return. The neighbor, who allegedly left his children in her house although he knew she was gone, is also under investigation. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-285106-580249
Thanks to Martin for sending this picture: What's between those ears apparently is not worth a helmet.
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ruby Re: Central Privacy agency Dear Webby, Your site has been helpful on more than one occasion and I am hoping you can help once again! I checked my phone number on Google and it wasn't there. However, several other sites including addresses.com popped up with my phone number and address. How an I block those? Is there a 'generic site' to go to to block these things? My job is such that I DON'T need people knowing my home address!! (no,it's not a naughty type of job!) Thanks for your help! Ruby Dear Ruby As far as I know there is no central privacy assurance company, yet. You will have to contact all of those places individually. Some will cooperate, some will argue that, if the information is published in the phone book, it is public and not private. Might be fun to collect the information and remedies that you find, and put it all onto a web page. I'll gladly give you the space for it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A young man in Marine Corps boot camp quickly learned that when the drill Sergeant started to count down from ten, he had better be out of sight when the sergeant reached zero. One day after the young man had cleaned the barracks, the sergeant put him in charge of the supply locker. He then pulled out a piece of paper and said, "Ten." Before the sergeant could say another word, the young man dropped everything and dived out the open window. After a few moments the sarge yelled, "Get back here", I'm just trying to give you the combination to the locker."

Deeli's Kudos January 31, 2008 - London, England - Herald Sun Actor Johnny Depp secretly visited London's Great Ormond St Hospital to donate a million pounds to thank staff for saving his daughter's life. Depp arrived unexpectedly at the renowned children's hospital where eight-year-old Lily-Rose was treated last year when her kidneys failed. Last week he invited five Great Ormond St doctors and nurses to the party for the London premiere of his film Sweeney Todd. And unknown to the public, Depp spent four hours at the hospital telling bedtime stories to patients dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates Of The Caribbean. Last March, Lily-Rose spent nine days at Great Ormond St when E.coli poisoning led to the failure of her kidneys. http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/ ... 74,00.html

Plumber to wife of would-be handyman: "To ensure properly functioning plumbing, keep foreign objects out of your sinks and tubs, flush soap suds away with hot water -- and above all, hide your husband's wrenches."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Softening Butter Microwave butter for 10 seconds to quickly soften it. If the butter is frozen, you may have to repeat this, but be careful not to microwave it for too long, it will quickly become liquid. Use a cheese grater on hard butter which you are adding to a recipe, the grated butter will quickly melt. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use about 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this, then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. Looking stunned, he said, "What?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: International Home Remedies
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 299 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 309 )
Dear Webby, how to attach files to email? 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday! Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions. --- Wilson Mizner
Hillary had been busy campaigning, and her last stop of the day was at a Senior Citizens Home. After walking in and looking around for a while she approached an elderly woman in a wheel chair. Bending over to be on eye level with her, she asked her "Do you know who I am?" The elderly lady gave her a good looking over, then told her "No I don't. You don't look familiar. Just go to the front desk, they will tell you who you are."
Thanks to georgina for this report: I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our kids to an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. When she poured a small amount for my husband to taste, our six-year-old piped up, "Mom can drink a lot more than that!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
About a year ago a friend, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk funny?" "Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kelvin Ethelbert Roberts, 28, of Cherryville, New Jersey A bit too klutzy! January 23, 2008 - Cherryville, New Jersey - AP Thanks to Ross for this submission Authorities said an unsuccessful robber shot himself in the foot. Police said Kelvin Ethelbert Roberts, 28, botched his plans to rob a Cherryville convenience store by accidentally shooting his right foot. According to an arrest warrant, Roberts dropped a .45-caliber handgun in front of Gasland USA on Sunday. The gun hit the ground and went off, a bullet striking Roberts in the foot. Roberts faces several charges that include attempted robbery with a dangerous weapon and possession of a weapon of mass destruction. Police said the handgun had been altered to fire .410 shotgun shells. Authorities said Roberts was in illegal possession of the gun because of his felony cocaine possession conviction in 2002 in Chautauqua County, New York, and was not allowed to possess or carry any gun. http://www.bakersfield.com/917/story/342790.html
Thanks to Roland for sending this picture: Printed in the Rocky Mountain News, January 30th 2008
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nora Re: Attach files to email Could you explain how to send and attachment's. I have had my computer for 7 year's now and no one to show me how to do it. And sometime's there are thing's I would like to send on and I can't because I don't know how. If you could would you print it out so I can follow it in your column . I have window's xp I catch on really fast but that is one thing I don't even know how to start doing it. Nora Dear Nora I don't really know what email program you use. With Eudora, you simply drag a file from an Explorer or File Save window into the header area of a mail that you are writing, or onto the Eudora shortcut on your desktop. Or if you prefer to do it with just the keyboard, hit CTRL H, and a file browser opens to let you find and select what to attach. Eudora is one of the oldest email programs, and most others copied most or all of Eudora's code, and will therefore work similarly. Considering the ad on your mail, you might have Incredimail, which is sometimes called the funky great-granddaughter of Eudora and has inherited a lot from it. Chances are very good that the same procedure still works. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to Rodney for this story: The owner of a business was confused about paying a bill, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help... "You went to college, you should be able to figure this out. If I were to give you $200, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings!"

Deeli's Kudos January 30, 2008 – Worldwide Web Check out your telephone number by simply typing in your telephone number, including area code, on a Google search. http://www.google.com/ You just might find your name and address and a map to your location. Just like it happened to Deeli today! Current personal PC document information also showed up on this search link which I was able to open those documents from that link :-o Maybe you’ll get lucky and nothing will show up at all. If you do find information, which you don’t want announced to the world or others who have access to your PC, you can request your phone number be removed from the Google site and it will be done within 48 hours. My information was hidden from the general public almost immediately. If personal documents do show on your search, click on ‘hide’. If you choose to go further, you can block Google from divulging your name and address by: Clicking on *Phone book results for* And then click on *Request to have your named removed from this list Deeli

Thanks to Jim for this report: My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told >me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better,....."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No Snow Pants? If you don't want to buy snow pants, just spray an old pair of jeans with water repellent. Wear a pair of long johns underneath to help keep you warm. Plastic bags work as a substitute to snow boots in a pinch Baby Oil works great as an emergency water repellant, especially in the cold, and washes out clean. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Sandie for this story: Visiting the National Museum of the American Indian in Washington, D.C., my sister and I were admiring a beautiful tribal headdress decorated with eagle feathers. A man came up to us and identified himself as a Native American. "Do you know how warriors got those?" the man asked, pointing to the feathers. "They covered a hole with brush, tied a live rabbit on top of it and hid underneath. When an eagle swooped down for the kill, they would grab its wing or tail." "Fascinating," I said. "You learned that from your tribal elders?" "Actually, no," the man confessed. "I saw it on the Discovery Channel."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Guess the spot
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 224 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 360 )
Dear Webby: File Associations 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever. --- Albert Einstein
Thanks to Ross for this story: A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn't feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out. When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?" "Oh yes, Papa" the girl replied, "and do you know what? We didn't see a single dumb bastard or stupid **** head!"
A doctor sees the old man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm! The next time the old man had an appointment, the doc says, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing what you told me, Doctor. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." "I didn't say that... I said, You've got a heart murmur, be careful..."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
"Why Men Can't Win" If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you are a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework, you are a pansy. If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.. If you don't work enough, you are a good for nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your rear and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference. If you cry, you are a wimp. If you don't, you are an insensitive bastard. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charlena Graham in Augusta, Georgia Should have known better! January 25, 2008 - Augusta, Georgia - UPI A deputy coroner in Georgia has been charged with stealing gift cards from a woman who killed herself on New Year's Eve. Charlena Graham was arrested Wednesday in her office in Richmond County. She was immediately dismissed from her position after being charged with a single count of theft by taking. Graham allegedly appropriated five gift cards with a total value of about $400 from stores that included Target, Macy's and Victoria's Secret, officials said. Because Graham is a public official, the theft is automatically a felony. Sheriff's deputies gave the woman's personal items to Graham, the report said. Family members later reported that gift cards appeared to be missing. Investigators have evidence that includes videotapes of Graham allegedly using the gift cards to buy items for her own use, Sheriff Ronnie Strength reported. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-293029-412858
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: No global warming yet!
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barry Re: Powerpoint Association Dear Webby-I frequently get e-mails with PPS attachments. When I try to open them, I get a window that tells me to create an association for the file. I went to Micro soft, and downloaded Power Point viewer, but I still can't open these e-mails. How do I create an association? Thanx for any help you can give me. ~~~Barry Dear Barry Open the file explorer and go to where you stash your PPS files. Highlight one, and right-click it. Select: OPEN WITH Select the PowerPoint Viewer Put a checkmark on "Always use this program for this type of file" Hit Apply and OK. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
"Why Men Can't Win" Cont'd If you make a decision without consulting her, you are a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you are a pervert. If you don't, you are a fag. If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you are a sexist. If you don't, you are unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape, you are vain. If you don't, you are a slob. If you buy her flowers, you are after something. If you don't, you are not thoughtful. If you are proud of your achievements, you are up yourself. If you don't, you are not ambitious. If she has a headache, she is tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often, you are oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else.

Deeli's Kudos January 28, 2008 - Koolunga, Australia - Herald Sun A boy has been hailed a hero after he gave his father mouth-to-mouth and ran 2 miles for help when their car rolled over. Lachlan "Lochie" Nally, 11, saw that dad Matthew's chest wasn't moving after their car rolled in the South Australian north yesterday. The brave boy, who suffered minor injuries, performed CPR on his father then ran barefoot 3km to the Koolunga hotel. He bashed on the door and woke the owner, who called an ambulance. Chief Insp Graham Goodwin said it was "one of the most heroic acts I've seen". "As you can imagine he's been in a very serious collision so that's distressing in itself," he said. He said Lochie's bravery should be recognised. Mr Nally, 36, is in a serious condition in an Adelaide hospital. http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/ ... 61,00.html


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Paint From Hands Try rubbing baby oil or Vaseline on your hands to loosen paint stains. Keep paint from lodging under your fingernails by rubbing them over a bar of soap before painting. Prevent paint from getting on your hands altogether by wearing rubber gloves when you paint. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine," said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you." "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny. "That would be no fun. I asked Him to make you not notice it."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Hard Shell Cats & Mice
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 241 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 751 )
Dear Webby: Windows can't open attachments 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Every calling is great when greatly pursued. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so. --- Robert Orben
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this true story. A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small new England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited. One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone. She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron in the store. Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee. The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes. The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely. Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three children, you're forty-five years old, not a teenager! The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction. When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something. No ice cream cone was in sight. With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his familiar warm friendly grin and he said to the woman, "You put it in your purse."
Jon lived in Anchorage, Alaska. Right downtown. His house was literally right downtown. But he had no indoor plumbing. He did, however, have an outhouse. The older he got, though, the further away it seemed to get. One night, he decided to just skip the trip. Instead, he decided to just relieve himself right there off the front porch. His wife was pretty pissed about his decision. "Jon, you moron. Our neighbors can see you when you do this, you know." He'd not given THAT scenario much thought, so he promised his wife he'd not do it again. Not too many nights later, though, it turned bitterly cold. Right in the middle of the night he had to piss like a race horse. He got up, put on his slippers, and headed out of the bedroom to do his business. He was back in two shakes (so to speak). His wife, suspicious as wives are apt to be, said, "You weren't gone very long." "That's right." "You went off the porch again, didn't you?" "Yes, I did." "We had a talk about this, remember? The neighbors could see you, right. They'll know it was you and what you're doing out there." "Naw, they won't know it's me! This time I was squatting down!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. "Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?" "Sure. Do you know the bulls only service the cows once a year?" "Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?" "And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?" "Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?" "Lady, the point is this: if I was playing with your boobs twice a day for half an hour, but you got laid only once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award goes to James and Jon Herbert in Charlotte, North Carolina Should have known better! January 27, 2008 - Charlotte, North Carolina - UPI National Hot Rod Association drag racer Doug Herbert's two sons were killed in a car crash in North Carolina, it was reported Sunday. Herbert's sons, James, 12, and Jon, 18, reportedly were on their way to get some breakfast Saturday when they collided with an oncoming vehicle while attempting to pass another car in Cornelius. Both boys died at the scene, while those in the other vehicle were treated for non-life-threatening injuries at a local hospital. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-294133-693060
Thanks to my Roberta for sending this picture: Erect-Crested penguin My Family and I spent a wonderful week in Boston and Salem. Here is one of our Many pictures Roberta
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Judy Re: Windows can't open attachments Good Morning Webby I receive e-mails with attachements. Some of them I cannot open. Invalid file type error. Windows does not reconize the file and unable to open attachement . I have WindowXP and Internet Explore 7.It was suggested to use Reg Care a free download to correct the problem. do you know anythig about Reg Care and would it help my problem. Judy Dear Judy If Windows refuses to open an attachment, it quite possibly is malicious stuff. Reg Care won't help you at all, it's probably bad stuff too. What kinds of attachments do you get, that Windows refuses to open ? The safest policy nowadays is: When in doubt, dump it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Two Greek virgins get married and go on their honeymoon. However, they have no idea what there supposed to do once they get to their hotel room. The newlyweds decide to call his mother and get some advice on what to do. The mother says that they should sit on the bed together and snuggle with each other and things should start to happen from there. The newlyweds start to do this but nothing else happens. He calls his mother back to find out what to do next. She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers in bed, and nature should takes its course. The bride and groom take his mother's advice but still nothing. He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation she says, "Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest thing!" and hangs up on him. A few minutes later he reluctantly calls his mother back, "Well, I have my nose in her armpit. What do I do next?"

Deeli's Kudos January 4, 2008 - Chicago, Illinois - Reuters A Chicago tavern said on Thursday it will begin selling chicken wings coated in one of the world's hottest peppers -- a dish so hot that patrons first have to sign a waiver agreeing not to sue for injuries. Jake Melnick's Corner Tap said the wings made with Red Savina pepper will be served with an alarm bell for patrons to summon waiters with sour cream, milk, sugar and white bread if things get out of hand. Levy Restaurants, which owns the tavern, said its chef d'Cuisine Robin Rosenberg had been working on the concept for years but was never sure he'd be able to serve it. "This isn't the right sauce for everyone, but for someone out there, this is going to be absolute heaven. Of course, for a handful of people, it's going to be hell," he said. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0801 ... d_wings_dc

The high-school cheerleader confessed to her kindly old Priest that she'd often have sex with her boyfriend in the front seat of his car. "Now my daughter," consoled the Priest, "I'm sure if you think about it, you'll know you've been doing something wrong." "Yeah, I guess you right." replied the cheerleader. "Maybe it would be more comfortable in the back seat."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Lemon Rinds When you use a lemon, don't throw away the peel. Put it in a baggy and toss it in the freezer. Then you will have it handy if you encounter a recipe that needs lemon zest. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, the head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," he said, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that's impossible we could never do it. Yes Mr. President, we will try." and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars . . . he wants us to try to find it in senators!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Birds of Australia
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 178 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 388 )
Dear Webby: Moving mail to the flash drive 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Monday, January 28, 2008
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. --- Groucho Marx The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked. "Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We can get a new cat tomorrow."
One day three redneck couples in a mini van are heading to Yellowstone National Park on a vacation. One couple is from Nebraska, one is from Kansas, and one is from New Jersey. They stop at a little cafe on the side of the road for breakfast. Their waitress serves them their food, and the husband from Nebraska says, "Could you pass the honey, Honey?" to whom his wife, hands over the honey. Then, the husband from Kansas says, "Could you pass the sugar, Sugar?" and she passes him the sugar. The third husband sits there for a minute, then looks at his wife and says, "Wanna pass me the bacon, porky?"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But, if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Police administration in England Six year holiday January 27, 2008 - Hampshire, UK - Ananova A policeman is returning to work after being suspended on full pay for more than six years. PC Gerry Dawson's "gardening leave" has reportedly cost the taxpayer more than £200,000. He was told to stay at home in September 2001 while he was investigated for alleged corruption, reports The Sun. It was two years and three months before he was charged and a year and four months later he was cleared by a court. Another seven months on he was tried again on fresh charges but PC Dawson was again cleared. But he stayed suspended while bosses launched a misconduct investigation. After two years they decided they had no case and ordered the £32,000-a-year officer back on the beat. A fellow Hampshire PC joked: "The lads reckon Gerry's garden should be good enough to enter in the Chelsea Flower Show." Last year nearly 300 officers were suspended on full pay at a cost of £8million. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2698054.html?menu=
Thanks to my dad for sending this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fred Re: Moving mail to flash drive I may be having a senior moment- But how do I save my e-mails to a flash drive???? Thanks in advance-- FRED Dear Fred That depends on the email program you use. With Eudora, you simply drag IN.MBX and IN.TOC onto the flash drive, to get whatever you have in the IN mailbox. OUT.MBX and OUT.TOC would be your OUT mailbox. And so on. Different programs use different names, but most have two files per mailbox. If you use a 1 or 2 GB key-fob flash drive, you can easily drag all of your mailboxes to and from it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Some helpful rules for better writing: 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat) 6. Comparisons are as bad as clichs. 7. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 8. Be more or less specific. 9. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 10. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 11. No sentence fragments. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should NEVER generalize. 15. Don't use no double negatives. 16. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 17. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 18. The passive voice is to be ignored. 19. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 20. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 21. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 22. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

Deeli's Kudos January 26, 2008 - Painesville, Ohio - UPI A judge in Ohio sentenced a man convicted of stealing a Salvation Army kettle to live 24 hours as a homeless person. Painesville Municipal Judge Michael Cicconetti gave Nathen Smith a choice -- serve a 90-day jail sentence, or live 24 hours as a homeless man and serve only three days in jail. Smith has been outfitted with a global positioning system tracker to ensure he doesn't go home or stay with friends overnight. The judge also had all of the man's money and credit cards confiscated. "He was like everyone else who finds themselves out on the street," Cicconetti said. "I don't want him to have any money on him. I want him to learn. It's not going to hurt to be a little cold." Weather forecasts for the city predicted the wind chill could go as low as 5 below zero overnight. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-293890-982075


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Think Twice About to Rent-To-Own They offer expensive financing which will cost at least double for any products you buy. You are much better served by getting a loan from a credit union, using a low interest credit card, or better yet, saving money every month so you can buy the product outright. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" I asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," the doctor said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: All Season Mix
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 186 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 289 )
Dear Webby: Extra USB Port 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Sunday, January 27, 2008
The easiest way for your children to learn about money is for you to not to have any. --- Katharine Whitehorn Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them. --- Suzanne Necker
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, wildy gesturing with one hand and jerking the mike cord along with the other. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, we better run!"
A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be held against you, you don't have the right to have an attorney present, but you may kiss the bride."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandma in bloomers." Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tomas Delgado January 25, 2008 - Madrid, Spain - Reuters Thanks to Ross for this submission A Spanish driver who collided with a bicyclist is suing the dead youth's family $29,300 for the damage the impact of his body did to his luxury car. Businessman Tomas Delgado says 17-year-old Enaitz Iriondo caused $20,500 of damage to his Audi A8 in the fatal 2004 crash in La Rioja region. The youth had been cycling alone at night without reflective clothing or a helmet, according to a police report cited by El Pais. Delgado, who has faced no criminal charges for the incident, wants a further 6,000 euros to cover the cost of hiring another vehicle while his car was being repaired. "I'm also a victim in all of this, you can't fix the lad's problems, but you can fix mine," Delgado said ahead of a January 30 legal decision on his suit. The family said they had previously pitied Delgado for the guilt he must feel at killing their son but were now disgusted that his greatest concern appeared to be money. http://snipurl.com/1ycbp
Thanks to My dad for sending this picture: These bloomed today, they are Mammilaria Sanchez
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mellie Re: Extra USB Port Hi Webby, I enjoy your column every day, but lately I've had to enjoy it from my work computer. I have discovered the joys of flash drives, and use them to save my email til I can get home an put them on my personal computer. The problem is that my USB ports are on the back of my computer and it's hard to reach that area. Is there some sort of thing that I can plug into the back of my computer that has USB ports on it so I don't have to bend over and tip my CPU every time I want to load files to my computer? Thanks, mellie Dear Mellie You need a USB hub. With some shopping around you can find 4 to 7 port USB hubs for under $5. Here is one for $4.75 USB Hub $4.75 You just stick that to the side of the monitor with double sided tape, and have 4 USB ports where they are the most convenient. Some hubs come with a cable to reach from the back of your computer to the monitor, some don't. However, any USB cable from any, no longer used device will do fine. Once you have chosen a USB hub, have a look and see what kind of cable it needs. The most common are the AB cables. A is for the flat male plug B is for the little house shaped male plug. A 6 foot long AB cable is usually around $2.50 - $3, less at garage sales. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
If you help a relative in need, he/she will remember you the next time they are in need. --- Socratex

Deeli's Kudos January 25, 2008 - St. Paul, Minnesota - UPI The University of St. Thomas received an anonymous donation of $50 million, which the Minnesota university says is one of its three largest gifts. The donation was given to the university's Opus College of Business as part of the St.Paul, Minn., institution's $500 million "Opening Doors" capital campaign. University officials said the donation will help increase the college's endowment and support student scholarships and faculty research. Last fall, the university got a $60 million gift from Penny and Lee Anderson, owner and chairman of APi Group Inc. In 2000, St. Thomas received a $50 million gift from Best Buy founder and chairman Richard Schulze and his late wife, Sandra. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-293025-423593

Steve wasn't feeling well and so he went to the doctor to get himself checked. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, Steve, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking." "To be honest with you, Doc," said Steve, "I don't deserve the best. What's the SECOND best?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Track Your Energy Costs with a Home Energy Audit An energy audit will show you which areas of your home use the most energy and help you decide the most effective way to reduce energy costs. You can conduct a simple audit yourself, contact your local utility, or call an independent energy auditor for a more comprehensive examination. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: All Season Mix
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 193 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 688 )
Dear Webby: Another registry cleaner 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Saturday, January 26, 2008
Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do not. --- Thomas Jefferson Is that why Ted Kennedy, Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton want gun control so badly?
Thanks to Rubye for bringing back this Classic: A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.' The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.' The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take..! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.' The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our wives I want to know how she feels inside what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment.., why she cries.., what she means when she says: 'Nothing's wrong'.., and how I can make a woman truly happy..!' The Lord replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I was taking a ground school class for private pilots. During the session on weather, the instructor wanted to discuss the concept of sublimation, which is the act of going from a gas to a solid, while skipping the intermediate liquid stage. As an example, he gave water vapor in the air condensing on a windshield to form ice. Wanting to see if the class had understood the concept, the instructor asked if anyone could provide an example of something that went straight from a solid to a gas. He was expecting dry ice as the answer when one of the students blurted out, "Burritos!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one of our employees. After reviewing the different plans and monthly deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000 worth of life insurance. But he had one last question. "Now," he said, "what do I have to do to collect the money?" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Has No Patience, Now Will Have No Patients ... January 25, 2008 - New York - UPI A New York physician has been indicted on charges he bilked his 92-year-old mother out of nearly $1 million. Dr. Robin Motz, 64, who allegedly used power-of-attorney to extract money from his ailing mother's accounts, also is being investigated to see if he used prescription drugs to speed her demise. The mother, Minnie Motz, had a career as a librarian but was able to amass nearly a million dollars by playing the stock market, prosecutors said. In 2004, Motz began slowly liquidating his mother's investments by writing checks to cover his credit-card bills, the Manhattan District Attorney's Office charged. Prosecutors said Motz ran up $400,000 in credit-card bills by eating out every night, taking $18,000 luxury European vacations, and picking up a third wife. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-293023-514565
Thanks to Shirley for sending this picture: Albino Deer Photographed near Dauphin, Manitoba (110 miles or so from Winnipeg). These pictures were taken by one of the teachers from the high school in Dauphin. He took the pictures while going home from work. He lives in Onanole and travels through the park every day. This deer apparently has been seen before but never photographed.
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lee Re: Another registry cleaner Hi Webby, Enjoy your newsletter.'I have a question. Are you familiar with a software program called "Advenced Cleaner"? If so, is it effective, and is there any cost involved with it. Will it interfere with any other cleaning programs I have unstalled such as window washer, or Quick clean? The company website does not have a phone number, etc. so cannot talk to anyone live. Thank you, Lee Dear Lee Dear Lee I am not familiar with that program. Windows seems to work just fine without it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Q. How many sorority girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Sorority girls don't screw in lightbulbs, silly -- they prefer couches, carpets and broom closets

Deeli's Kudos January 19, 2008 - Brevard County, Florida Thanks to Dianne for this submission Retired Army Green Beret Smokey Taylor got his court martial this weekend and came away feeling good about it. Taylor, at age 80, is the oldest member of Chapter XXXIII of the Special Forces Association. He was on trial by his peers under the charge of failing to use a weapon of sufficient caliber in the shooting of an intruder at his home in Knoxville, TN, in December. Taylor had been awakened in the early morning hours of Dec. 17, 2007, when an intruder broke into his home. Then the intruder threatened him with a knife, Taylor warned him, then brought his .22 caliber pistol to bear and shot him right between the eyes. That boy had the hardest head I've ever seen, Taylor said after his trial. The bullet bounced right off. The impact knocked the would-be thief down momentarily. He crawled out of the room then got up and ran out the door and down the street. Knoxville police apprehended him a few blocks away and he now awaits trial in the Knox County jail. Charges were brought against Taylor under the premise that he should have saved the county and taxpayers the expense of a trial, could have used a .45 or .38. The .22 just wasn't enough to get the job done. Following testimony from both sides, Taylor was acquitted of the charges and was given a round of applause. After the trial new information was given that the perp had soiled his pants as he crawled out of the house. Meanwhile, back in Knox County, the word is out: Don’t go messing with Smokey Taylor. He just bought a whole bunch of fresh ammo.

Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too: "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry." she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you intending to marry?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Paint Off Hinges It can be difficult to put masking tape on hinges to keep paint off them. Instead, cover them with petroleum jelly. Any paint that gets on them will be easy to wipe off, even after the paint dries. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped set the table when company was due for dinner. Presently everything was on, the guest came in, and everyone sat down. Then Mother noticed something was missing. "Susan," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smith's place." "I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susan. "Daddy says he always eats like a horse!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Festival Net
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 198 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1187 )
Dear Webby: Open Office or Google ? 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Friday, January 25, 2008 Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
Write a wise saying and your name will live forever. --- Author unknown
Thanks to Angela for bringing back this classic: Yesterday I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dog and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had? PIGEONS since I'm retired, with little to do? I told her that no I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. I explained that I probably shouldn't be going back on this diet because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, although I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story). Horrified , she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; that I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
An elderly woman walked into a liquor store with two guns, pointed them at the shop-keeper and said "Give me six bottles of scotch whiskey, all the money in the till, and then I want you to take me into your storeroom and make love to me." The shopkeeper got her the six bottles of scotch, emptied the money from the till into the old woman's handbag, and then went with her into the storeroom and made love to her. In the excitement the old lady dropped the guns on the floor. The shop-keeper paused a moment, then said "Madam, could you please pick up your guns again, I'm expecting my wife to arrive any minute."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
When Bush was visiting Israel he met the Israeli Prime Minister. In classic Bush style, the U.S. President offers a gift to his guest. "Here you go, says Bush. "Try out this shiny new Cadillac. It's their finest model." "Thank you, Mr. President, but I can not accept this magnificent gift." replies the Prime Minister. "Oh. I understand about gift limits. Ok then ... give me a half dollar for it. Then it won't be a gift." replies Bush. The Prime Minister gives Bush a dollar. "I don't have any change ... too bad" says the President. "No big deal... you'll just give me two Cadillacs" retorts the Prime Minister. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gregory Scott Hinkle, 53, of Davis, West Virginia Not clued in to Airport procedures January 23, 2008 - Washington - CNN Thanks to Ross for this submission. A passenger who went through an airport security checkpoint, before remembering that he had a loaded gun, is facing charges after going back to report his error. Gregory Scott Hinkle, 53, of Davis, West Virginia, went through a Transportation Security Administration checkpoint at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport about 7:30 a.m. The TSA contacted airport police, who charged the man with possessing or transporting a firearm into an air carrier terminal where prohibited, a misdemeanor, and released him. He is scheduled to appear April 2 in Arlington County, Virginia, General District Court. A TSA spokesman said the agency reviewed airport surveillance camera videos of the incident and removed the screener from security duties while an investigation is under way. "Appropriate actions will be taken once the investigation is complete," spokesman Christopher White said. http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/01/23/airpor ... =hpmostpop
Thanks to alert reader Roland for spotting this ad: Picking potatoes from the top, while they are in flower?
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Donny Re: Open Office or Google? Thank you again for your newsletter and for your help in the past. I am just wondering if you know whether or not "Google Spreadsheets and Documents" are as good as "Open Office". I am now running Vista Home Premium with MS Office 2000 and can no longer get updates so I'm considering changing. Also. will these other programs read my previously created documents (Word, Excel) and allow editing of them ? Any advice would be helpful and a reply would be appreciated - I will, however, watch the newsletter; which I am getting with no problems in Gmail. Thank you, Donny Dear Donny Google spreadsheets and documents are in Google format, and stored on Google, so that collaborators can work on them from various locations. While that may be handy for some specific tasks, it's not really what you need. Open Office uses OPEN format, totally independent of the type of machine or operating system. It can read your WORD DOC and Excel stuff and even save in that format Converting to Open Office is totally painless and there is no need to get rid of M$ Office. It is a huge program, though, and will take a while to download. But it is well worth it! Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
When John died, his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered than a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea." Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I knew he died of diarrhea. But it was his last wish, for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than just full of crap, like he always was."

Deeli's Kudos January 22, 2008 - Pemberton, New Jersey - UPI A dog stolen with its owner's Jeep Cherokee outside a South Jersey convenience store was back home Saturday. Princess, a 7-month-old mix of Pekingese and Chihuahua, was turned over to an animal shelter in Pennsauken by someone who found her whimpering on the street Friday, WCAU-TV reported. The shelter's name, Almost Home, proved prophetic for Princess. Susan Fishman left the motor running when she stopped at a convenience store in Hanover because she did not want the dog to get cold. During the few minutes she was in the store, someone drove off in the Jeep. The car thief remains unknown, but a security camera at the store taped the theft. The Jeep was recovered in Camden.

Q. What do you call a redneck couple with only two kids, each? A. Newlyweds.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Writing Notes on the Bathroom Mirror When I need to do something in the AM, I jot a note on the bathroom mirror with a dry-erase marker at night. I see it as I am dressing and brushing teeth, and I can then wipe it off the mirror with a tissue. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Kati for this story: One day, Johnny Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. Bubba, where'd ya git dat truck?!?" "Tina gived it to me" Bubba replied "She gived it to ya? "I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?" "Well, Johnny, let me tell you what happened. We wuz drivin' out on County Road 301, in the middle of nowheres. Tina pulled off the road, put the truck in four-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want.' So I took the truck! " "Bubba, yore a smart man! Her clothes woulda never fit ya

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Getty Gallery
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 210 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 299 )
Dear Webby: AVG users like it 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Thursday, January 24, 2008
You can set yourself up to be sick, or you can choose to stay well. — Wayne Dyer One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. --- Bertrand Russell
Thanks to Martin for this story: A 3-year-old tells all One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a half years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other injuries. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favourite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!' My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??' And sure enough........!!!
The psychiatrist was holding a group consultation with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he told them. To the first one, he said, "Your obsession is eating. Why you've even named your daughter Candy." The second, he said, was obsessed by money. "Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother arose and, taking her little boy by the hand, whispered, "Let's go, Peter."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?' She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.' The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?' She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.' The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.' She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways. Some years later they met again. The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan , how are ye these days?' She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!' The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?' She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!' The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?' She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow up yer fookin' candle.' Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the dog stealing Mayor of Alice, Texas Not the ideal dog sitter! January 20, 2008 - Alice, Texas - AP Mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez was indicted Friday on two felony counts of tampering with physical evidence related to a dog her neighbours say she took from them. Mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez had agreed to take care of Puddles while Rudy Gutierrez and Shelly Cavazos were on vacation over the summer. A day after they left, she called to say the dog was dead, but three months later a relative of Cavazos saw Puddles - renamed Panchito - at a dog groomer. Puddles' family sued and filed a criminal complaint, but the case took a new turn Monday when the mayor filed a police report saying the dog was missing. A television crew found the dog 15 kilometres from Alice in Ben Bolt, at the home of Mayor Grace Saenz-Lopez's twin, Graciela Garcia. Garcia said a "mysterious lady" had found the dog and dropped it off. http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2 ... 64-ap.html
Thanks to the many who sent this picture:
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: many Re: Free Anti Virus programs A lot of people wrote in and reported that AVG seems to be working fine for them, even on old ME systems. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to Jai for this story: A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?" The mother answered: "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made." Two days later she asks her father the same question. The father answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them." The confused girl returns to her mother and says: "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says we developed from monkeys?" The mother answers: "Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family, and your father told you about his side."

Deeli's Kudos January 16, 2008 -Chicago, Illinois - UPI Five former federal prosecutors are asking Illinois' governor to order DNA testing for a man they believe was wrongfully convicted of murder. Johnnie Lee Savory of Peoria, Ill., was convicted in 1977 of double murder when he was 14 years old. The former prosecutors and other supporters say Savory, who has been released on parole and now lives in Chicago, was denied the right to post-conviction DNA testing in Illinois when it is relevant to a claim of actual innocence. They are asking Gov. Rod Blagojevich to order the testing in the context of a clemency proceeding. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-289092-464908

Moshe Rosenberg is a new recruit in the British Army. One day an officer asked him "What is your name?" "Moshe Rosenberg" he replied. The officer responded "You must say 'Sir' when you answer an officer of the British Army. What is your name?" "Sir Moshe Rosenberg."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning With Salt A paste of salt and vinegar help clean tarnished brass or copper. You can cover spilled juice or wine with salt to absorb much of the stain. Soaking washable fabrics in salt water will help remove many stubborn stains. For cleaning purposes use plain salt not iodized salt. Cast iron frying pans and Woks that have an age old "seasoning" or oil patina can be safely cleaned with salt, without endangering the patina or enraging the chef. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Bill was attending an outdoor music concertwith a young woman he had recently begun dating. Standing at the back of the crowd, they wrapped their arms around each other, swaying to the music. After a particularly romantic song, his date turned to face him. With a loving smile, she said, "I wish we were closer..." Totally thrilled, he looked into her eyes and whispered, "Do you mean our houses or our friendship?" Puzzled, she replied, "No, you dummy! ...To the stage."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Curves
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 186 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 325 )
Dear Webby: Free Anti Virus Programs 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Wednesday, January 23, 2008
"It's cold here in the Northeast. You have to dress in layers when it's this cold. For instance, right now I'm wearing two hairpieces." --- David Letterman
Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something." Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid."
The new patient was sharing his woes with an understanding doctor: "After the first, I'm usually tired and winded, Doc. After the second, my chest aches and I start getting pains in my legs. After the third, I feel like fainting and it takes half-an-hour for my heart and respiration to return to normal." "Why don't you quit after the first?" inquired the doctor. "How can I do that, Doc?" said the patient. "I live on the third."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Just do it!!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Wrong time and place January 22, 2008 - Fargo, North Dakota - UPI A North Dakota man was cited for a snow emergency parking violation, in St. Paul, Minnesota, for a car he hasn't used in decades. Actually, Brian Nelson of Fargo received a notice that he was tardy in paying the $50 parking fine from December and would be assessed penalties until the matter was resolved. One small problem: The ticket was issued against his 1941 Ford, which hasn't seen the road in years, having been stored in Nelson's garage. "It's just nuts," Nelson said. He called St. Paul officials, who told him he either needed to appear in person or pay the fine. St. Paul is about 250 miles from Fargo. Then Nelson contacted KARE-TV, which spoke with a city official who said the matter could be corrected with a phone call. "Somebody made a mistake," the official said. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-289758-968979
just for you, here is the 2008 snow angel
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Free Anti Virus programs Dear Webby, I have been reading your letter for several years now & really do enjoy a fresh way to start the day. I love the good clean jokes & some wonderful pictures. Also your tech dept has been very useful. Thanks, ever so much. I am curious about what you know about the free" avast" antivirus" program & free "avg antivirus" program. Thanks so much for all the help. Sharon Dear Sharon Those free anti-virus programs are definitely better than nothing at all. Personally, I consider paying $30 a year to McAfee well worth it. It all depends on how much your data is worth to you. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A church had a man in the choir who could not sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I am going to resign and the choir members are going to quit too. Please do something." So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir." "Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked. "Well, five or six people have told me that you can't sing." "That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"

Deeli's Kudos January 22, 2008 - Newport News, Virginia - Gimundo Atlanta Falcons player Michael Vick's mansion was the site of unspeakable atrocities against our favorite four-legged friends. Now, with Vick spending some well-earned time in the Big House, his dog-fighting operation has finally been shut down for good, and the Newport News, Virginia house where he based his operation is vacant and up for sale. Michael Morford, the founder of a nonprofit group called Jalie's Butterflies, has initiated The Vick House Project – a plan to raise money in donations to purchase the house, and then convert it into an animal shelter for abused and mistreated dogs. According to the nonprofit's website it is simply "a chance to give back to the spirit of the animals that were harmed. It is a chance for animal lovers to contribute to a noble cause. It is a chance to create a happy final chapter to a sordid and tragic tale." http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/8 ... al_Shelter

Thanks to Millie for this one: My husband, sons, and I had stopped to take in a spectacular sunset and were on our way back to our car when four Buddhist monks walked by. When our sons asked about them, I explained, "Their life is a quest for enlightenment." "I wonder what kind of car they drive," my husband said and jokingly suggested, "A Ford Focus?" "Or a Honda Odyssey," I said. The monks got into a Pathfinder.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Canned Cream Soups Cream soups, like cream of mushrooms, make easy sauces for vegetables, sauces and casserole filling. Stock up on cream soups when they are sale, they are a great time saving staple to have in your pantry. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

GROAN ALERT! (Some of you may have to read this one out loud, to get it.) Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at all her bean soup made her the talk of New England society. At a party celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles Street restaurant, an old matron approached Mrs. O'Malley and said, "My dear girl, what is the secret of your soup?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is that I use but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it." The woman said, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it too farty."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Harbin 2008 Ice and Snow sculptures
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 202 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 180 )
Dear Webby: Compaq Problems 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Tuesday, January 22, 2008
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. --- Thomas A. Edison
A bad joke bonehead award goes to a Texas rancher who depreciated 15 to 20 animals, something only allowed if the animals are used in breeding who, when asked by the IRS agent at an audit, "I presume you breed these animals?" replied that he didn't, giving his accountant a heart attack. But then, after a pregnant pause, continued, "I've got a bull for that."
Two nuns decide they're going to sneak out of the convent and have a real night on the town. They hit all the bars and dance clubs, and decide they've finally got to head back to the convent. To enter the convent's grounds they have to crawl under some barbed wire. The nuns start crawling under the wire on their bellies. As they're crawling under the wire, the first nun turns to the second and says, "I feel like a Marine." The second replies, "Yeah, me too, but where can you find one this time of night?"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Everybody's heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They fueled up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way. The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people inside. The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!" ------------------------ If you ARE interested in Area 51, head up Interstate 15 from Las Vegas towards Utah, hang a left at Highway 93, turn left at Extraterrestrial Highway, yes it's really called that!, about 40 Miles to 51 Road on the left. If you don't get stopped, about half an hour down that road is Area 51. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a wannabe robber in Edmonton, Alberta Wrong time and place January 18, 2008 - Edmondton, Alberta, Canada - Reuters A would-be Canadian robber picked the wrong place at the wrong time this week, attempting to hit a liquor store -- right across the street from a police station in the midst of a shift change. Police in the western Canadian city of Edmonton, Alberta, said a man wearing a ski mask walked into the liquor store and demanded cash. The clerk refused to co-operate and the man, unable to fill his pockets, fled the store. The clerk called the police just as the station was packed with officers preparing for the shift change. Several of them just walked to the store parking lot and arrested the man there. The 37-year-old has been charged with attempted robbery. http://uk.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnou ... 2520080118
Thanks to VeeGee for sending this picture: Art Carr who is now retired from NB Power took this picture at his home in Douglas Tuesday, January 15, 2008, A few more people sent the same picture later on in the day, each time supposedly from a different location. By afternoon the deer and cat had migrated as far south as Pennsylvania.
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Compaq Woes Dear Webby, I am having a tough time finding the serial # and the Product number for the Compaq I gave to my neighbors. We have lQQked everywhere on that Computer...I called Hewlett Packard 5 times already and they tell me they are not the right numbers...They said the serial # has to start with an MY, MX or CN...cannot find the product # either and we went over the Computer with fine tooth comb...Nothing we give the Compaq techs comes close. Guessing there will never be a recovery disk for it...Avast will not install no how...She told me she removed Google from her ADD-REMOVE programs since she thought maybe all the Pop-ups were coming faster than she can X them out but I don't think it has anything to do with it...Webby is there any way to re-do it without the Recovery Disk. Jaye Dear Jaye That is typical for HP. They have a reputation to live up to. Don't expect any useful help from them. I am assuming that you already ran Spybot-Search&Destroy and the free McAfee one time on-line Virus Scan. You can try running the Belarc Advisor from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools. It MIGHT show the number. If not,.... If you can't find the set-up CD, you can either march down to Staples, plunk down $100 for an XP package, or go to the second hand store and buy some old klunker, that has the set-up CD with it, for $50 - $75. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to John for this story: I made the decision to finally do something about the 600 pounds I'm carrying on my 5'4" frame. So, I headed down to the local sports shoe store and was just amazed at the tremendous selection of different shoes. Flat arch, high arch, over-pronator, neutral-pronator, under-pronator . . . my God! I finally selected a pair and, as I was trying 'em on, I asked the saleslady, "What's this little pocket thing on the side for?" She said, "Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call a cab when you've jogged too far."

Deeli's Kudos January 19, 2008 - Mountain, North Dakota - AP A small North Dakota town is getting a bit of foreign aid to help build its community center: a $75,000 donation from Iceland. Officials in Mountain, a northeastern North Dakota community with a rich Icelandic heritage told Iceland Prime Minister Geir Haarde about the $1.3 million community center project when he came to the town last year for the 108th annual August the Deuce Icelandic Celebration. It commemorates the beginning of Iceland's journey to independence from Denmark. Mountain's community center will house the local fire department, a cafe and other businesses, a banquet room and a church office. Mountain Mayor Tim Moore said it will serve not only the town but the region, where people from Iceland settled in the 1870s. http://www.happynews.com/news/1192008/i ... a-town.htm

Thanks to marion for this: Women's Lament: The nice men are ugly. The handsome men are not nice. The handsome and nice men are gay. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money. The handsome men without money are after our money. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!! And yet, WOMEN are the CONFUSED sex??? ----------------------- What's so confusing with clear guidelines like that? Make the first move and get on with life!

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Marked Down Meat Grocery stores mark down meat when it gets near its "sell by" date. If you are shopping for tonight's dinner then this meat can be real bargain. If you don't plan on eating the meat quickly, freeze it for future use. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Wendy tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to Paul her good friend. Paul told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied Wendy, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said Paul. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, Wendy made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Paul asked Wendy, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied Wendy, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Mallards on the Wing
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 186 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 352 )
Dear Webby: PDF Reader 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Monday, January 21, 2008
Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. --- Alfred Hitchcock Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. --- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
Hi Webby You can tell Danialle that I live in Sydney on the east coast of Australia! Along with sulphur-crested cockatoos!! Kind regards Cheryl
Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage. Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse."
The big thing today is computer dating. If you don't know how to run a computer, it really dates you.

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She said, "I'd love to be ten again." On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park --the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. Everything there was, she had a go. She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Into McDonalds they went, where she was given a Double Big Mac with extra fries and a strawberry shake. Then off to a theater to see Star Wars--more burgers, popcorn, cola and sweets. At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed. Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?" One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually I meant dress size." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Police in Brighton, England Pol-ice January 20, 2008 - Szigliget, Hungary - Ananova "Pol-ice" An entire police squad had to be rescued from a frozen lake in Hungary after an officer tried to chase a robber across the ice. Policewoman Ani Kosut fell through ice in Szigliget in the west of the country. Passers-by called other police but as they tried to fish her out, they fell in as well and more officers had to be called. Thirty policemen ended up in the freezing waters before a team of fire fighters finally dragged them all to safety. The robber was not caught. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2685944.html?menu=
Thanks to Arturas for this picture: It's a bird
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: PDF Reader Dear Webby, Really like your humor[most of the time]. Anyway, I'd like to ask you a question about the Acrabat Reader. I don't have one on my computer and to get certain e-mails to open I must have one. Especially the bill for my internet service. Is there a free service or do you know where I can get it.? Thanks so much and for all your good advice. It has helped me alot. Carole Dear Carole You can use Open Office or Foxit Foxit or Adobe Acrobat Reader Acrobat Reader In case you forget these links, they are alos in my toolbox: Tool Box Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery for this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I Dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk."

Deeli's Kudos January 18, 2008 - Odessa, Texas - AP A local church has given US$145,000 to the Odessa Police Department for the money to distributed among underpaid officers. Rev. Don Caywood of Odessa Christian Faith Center handed the money over to police Chief Chris Pipes at a Sunday service. The department will distribute $1,000 cheques to 145 employees. "It became obvious our men and women in blue are underpaid," Caywood told the congregation during the service. Caywood said the church, which has a weekly attendance of about 1,600, raised most of the money since late October. Caywood said he was inspired after hearing of officers battling for better pay and benefits. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0801 ... otes_texas

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?" The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The whole rest of your life."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Food Fix - Freshen Stale Snacks If your chips, cracker or pretzels have gone a bit stale, freshen them up by placing on a cookie sheet, single layer, in a 250 degree oven for 10 or 15 minutes. They will be as good as new. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

This country is so full of opportunity. Where else can a woman hire another woman to do her housework so that she can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning woman leaves her child?

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Things Exotic
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 205 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 699 )
Dear Webby: Storage for back-ups 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Sunday, January 20, 2008
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. --- Mark Twain If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. --- Dick Cavett We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements in life, when all we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about." --- Charles Kingsley
Hi Webby, Where is it that Cheryl lives that has sulphur-crested cockatoos? Thank You, Danialle
Thanks to VK for this story: A guy had a major argument with his wife. He thought maybe he was in the wrong, but not enough to back down without an argument. So after storming away and cooling off, the guy reconsidered his position and realized he was clearly in the wrong and felt pretty guilty about all the trauma he had caused. So to make it up to his wife he said he'd buy her a gift. "Any thing at all, my love", the guy said overcome with remorse. "Oh, I don't know," she replied, "you really don't have to do this, you know. But if you insist, just get me something really expensive that I don't need." The following day he booked her for a complete set of dental crowns.
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?" The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you." The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
An American tourist was visiting in the Netherlands. During his stay in Amsterdam his watch stopped running. He asked one of the locals where he could get his watch fixed. The tourist was guided to the Jewish section of town. He was then directed toward a shop that had clocks displayed in the window. The American tourist entered the shop. Inside, behind a desk, sat an elderly Jewish man with a full beard. TOURIST: Hello. JEWISH MAN: Hello. TOURIST: I came here to have my watch fixed. JEWISH MAN: Sorry, I don't fix watches. I am a Mohel. TOURIST: What's a Mohel? JEWISH MAN: A Mohel is a Jewish Man who performs ritual circumcisions. TOURIST: Ritual circumcisions! But why do you have all those clocks in the window?! JEWISH MAN: So what you want me to have in my window? Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Police in Brighton, England Clouded Not sure about this one but certainly seems a huge waste of tax dollars to me ... January 15, 2008 - Brighton, England - UPI Police in Brighton, England, have handed out almost $4,000 to an artist to paint clouds on the walls of a rundown bar in an attempt to keep its patrons "calm." Sussex police and Brighton and Hove City Council brought in artist Stig Evans to paint blue skies and fluffy clouds on the windows of the derelict pub, which had become a magnet for rude behavior and allegedly was even used a crack house, The Daily Mail reported Monday. City officials claim the artwork in Brighton cheers up vandals by making them think of sunny days instead of going on a wrecking spree. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-288108-984820
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Winter walk
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Gale Re: Back-up storage Dear Webby I want to tell you how much I admire your picture in which you are wearing the red shirt and hood. You make it look good! Months ago you were highly recommending a storage/recovery system for pictures; alas, I did not note the name of it. My skills are remedial and now I know enough to wish I had such a good system. Thank you for your newsletter. Gale Dear Gale Thanks for the compliments! If you have a digital camera and a chip reader, you can store files on spare camera memory chips. If you don't, then use a USB Hard Drive. I just saw this one: Seagate 250 GB removable USB Hard Drive $89 http://www.tigerdirect.com/applications ... CatId=2422 250 GB is probably way more than you need, but it is a good example. With a bit of looking around, you can probably find a 40 GB USB hard drive for under $50. They just plug into a USB port and you instantly have an additional hard drive. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends. Giovanni said, 'Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?' Luigi said, 'Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down. 'Whata you mean, Luigi?' asked Giovanni. 'Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. She broughta vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket. The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us andasay, 'no eat indisa car. Musta use a dining car.' So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta at open da bottle of a nice a vino! Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car. While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga his finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car.'. 'We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar. Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he walka through da hall shouting at a top of his a voice 'Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !' 'Nexta time, I'ma justa gonna taka da bus!'

Deeli's Kudos January 15, 2008 - Yacolt, Washington - UPI Several parrots who migrated to the Yacolt, Wash., area now have their very own custom-built, 30-foot-high nesting platforms. Joy Tindall spearheaded the project to get the parrots off a utility pole transformer platform that was dangerous for them to live on. Tindall and a group of bird lovers installed the first of several 30-foot-high nesting platforms to lure the 20 or so parrots in town away from Clark Public Utilities property. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-288107-909369

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living. "Mary, what does your parents do?" Lil' Mary replied "My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse." "Thats very nice," said the teacher, "Robert, what do your parents do?" Robert proudly exclaimed ,"My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!" "Thats very nice," said the teacher , "Johnny, what do your parents do?" He stood up and pronounced, "My dad's dead and my mom's a hooker." Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. 15 minutes later, he returned. "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" asked the teacher. Johnny replied, "Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, gave me an apple and asked for my phone number."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Day of the Week Hangers To make things easier, I made up a set of hangers with the days of the week on them. On Sundays, I go through my son's closet and put outfits together, then hang one on each "day of the week" hanger. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor. "'Putt' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means a vain attempt to do the same thing.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Endeavour Space Photos
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 320 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 626 )
Dear Webby, I have problems with junkmail 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Saturday, January 19, 2008
Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow. --- Plato
Thanks to Cookie for this story: (As sent by her, from the hospital) Cookie, Upset over the recent death of her husband Bob, So she decided to just kill herself And join him in death. Thinking it would be best to get it Over with quickly, she took out Bob's old Army pistol and made the decision to Shoot herself in the heart since it was So badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become A vegetable and a burden to someone, she called Her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location. "Since you're a woman ," The doctor said, "the easiest way to locate your heart is, it is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung up without answering Later that night, Cookie was admitted to the hospital With a gunshot wound to her knee.

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Martin for this story: A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made contact, "Connie....Connie." "Is that you, Joe?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's wonderful! What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud- lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again." "Oh, Joe you surely must be in Heaven!" "Not exactly... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona ." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Carpool Cheater in Seattle, WA Carpool Annie January 15, 2008 - Seattle, Washington - UPI A Washington state trooper said a motorist cited for driving alone in the carpool lane was traveling with an elaborately decorated dummy disguised as a human. State Patrol Trooper Jeff Merrill said the driver was pulled over after his dummy, which was in the rear passenger seat, slumped over so it could not be seen from outside the car, The Seattle Post-Intelligencer reported. Merrill said the driver admitted the dummy -- dressed in a denim jacket, a hoodie and glasses with a painted-on black beard -- was intended to fool traffic cops into thinking a passenger was riding along while the driver used the carpool lane. The man was given a $124 citation, but he was allowed to keep his mannequin.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: This one bloomed today.
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Problem with junkmail Dear Webby Getting flooded with a ton of junk mail and need to know if there is a good spam catcher. Thanks for all your hellp.... You advice keeps my Computer running smoothly. Jaye. Dear Jaye Go to http://webby.com/mailwasher and get MailWasher. You can get a free 30 day trial and get started immediately. I have been using MailWasher for years and it takes care of over 4000 pieces of spam in my mail every day. When you do eventually buy it, it is just under $30, and well worth it. Plus they buy me a regular coffee for dragging you in out of the rain. I have tried many spam control products over the years, and MailWasher beats them all. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
"Hello?" Linda responded, answering the phone. "I bet you want me to come over to your house, take you into the bedroom, undress you, lick you from head to toe, and then make mad passionate love to you all night long," the male voice whispered sensuously. "Gee," she replied. "You could tell all that just from me saying 'hello?

Deeli's Kudos January 16, 2008 - Brisbane, Australia - AP Boomerangs really do come back, even after 25 years. Officials in an Australian Outback town were surprised when a boomerang arrived in the post. Along with it was a note from a guilt-ridden American who said he stole it years earlier from a museum in the mining town of Mount Isa, and now felt rotten about it. ''I removed this back in 1983 when I was younger and dumber,'' said the note, according to Mount Isa Mayor Ron McCullough. ''It was the wrong thing to do, I'm sorry, and I'm going to send it back,'' said the note. McCullough on Thursday gave the contrite thief's first name as Peter but said it would be unfair to release his full identity. Boomerangs were traditionally used by Aborigines as a hunting weapon. A typical returning boomerang can travel up to 150 feet in the air before returning to the thrower. http://www.happynews.com/news/1182008/b ... -years.htm

After meeting with the boss, the head salesperson mustered the troops. "People," she said, "I've just been informed that we're going to be having a fire sale." "A fire sale?" spoke up one agent. "But we sell insurance." "I said a fire sale, and I meant it," she replied coldly. "Anyone who doesn't make a sale gets fired."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Roadside Assistance A lot of people pay for roadside assistance but don't have the numbers handy. Check to make sure you have numbers to call in your wallet or purse and program them into your cell phone. It's much better to make the call yourself rather than have the police arrange towing for your vehicle. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A computer program crashed in the lawyer's office, so he called a programmer. The programmer arrived, unpacked his case, did mysterious programmer-type things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $600. The lawyer exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a lawyer!." The programmer quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a lawyer."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Think Geek - Stuff for Smart Masses
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 206 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 194 )
Dear Webby: Internet Shortcuts not linking to browser 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Friday, January 18, 2008 Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years. --- Nick Faldo There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have. --- Don Herold
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for an hour about staying out late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, smack her on the butt and say, 'Are you as horny as I am?' She always acts like she's sound asleep!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A truck loaded with new cars had to be at the dealership before opening time the next morning. The trucker's trip had gone well except for one headlight had burned out. There was nowhere to buy a replacement along this rural road so he kept going - until the other headlight burned out, too. Well, being a fast thinker, he got out, turned on the headlights of the car on the top rack, right over his cab. This worked pretty well, he could see the road but had to slow his speed somewhat. He was watching the road carefully when he saw what looked like a tractor coming in his direction. He wasn't worried since he had lights and the tractor driver could see him. He was horrified when the other driver veered wildly off the road and ended up in a ditch. The trucker stopped, got out and ran to the farmer. "Are you OK?", he asked. The farmer looked at the wrecked tractor but found that he wasn't injured and said he was fine. The trucker was happy that the farmer was OK and asked him why he swerved off the road. The farmer replied, "When I saw you coming I thought that if you was a wide as you was high, I better git off the road!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a dopey dealer in Apple Valley, Minnesota Dopey Dealer January 17, 2008 - St. Paul, Minnesota - UPI An alleged drug dealer called Apple Valley, Minn., police to his home after his stash of marijuana and $3,200 in cash were stolen. Once the police showed up the man conceded that the thief had made off with his marijuana stash, breaking into a locked closet to complete the deed. An officer also reported scraps of paper with names, amounts and weights in another closet. "He also implied that his drug dealing was all right, stating, 'I just sell to my friends,'" said the police report. Copyright 2008 by United Press International

Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: Internet Shortcuts not linking to browser HI I HAVE PASTED INTERNET SHORT CUTS ONTO MY DESKTOP, BUT WHEN I CLICK ON THEM THEY GIVE A MESSAGE THAT I WILL HAVE TO CREATE A ASSOCIATION FOR THEM IN THE FOLDER OPTIONS. I HAVE TRIED THIS BUT I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG, CAN YOU HELP ? THANKS BILL Dear Bill Open a File Explorer, Click on Tools, Folder Options File Types In there scroll down to Internet Shortcut and make sure your chosen browser is associated with it. You might also want to try to just drag the little icon on the left of the browser address bar onto the desktop, instead of pasting anything. Dragging that icon to the desktop makes an instant Internet shortcut, that can even be used to open your chosen browser. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com

Deeli's Kudos January 17, 2008 - Florida - Gimundo Restaurant kitchens are full of delicious dishes. But in many U.S. states, including Florida, when the kitchen closes, everything that hasn't been sold gets tossed out with the trash. 11-year-old Jack Davis wasn't a fan of this policy, which is due to a law stating that restaurants can be sued if the food makes anyone sick, even if given away. "I thought it pretty disturbing to see pounds of food being thrown away every single day." So he decided to do something about it. State Senator Nan Rich fell in love with Jack's idea. Now, Jack's bright idea is on the fast track to becoming a state law, which means that restaurants will be free to hand out their leftovers with no fear of lawsuits. Thanks to his work, thousands of hungry people around Florida will have access to food that would otherwise be wasted. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/7 ... the_Hungry

Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, Keli would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, Greg found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Greg," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry." replied Greg. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Losing Weight A common New Year's Resolution is losing weight. Companies will sell you products that claim to help you lose weight, when accompanied with changes in diet and exercise. Rather than buying these products, start by developing a good exercise routine and a healthy diet first. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Wife: Oh, come on. Husband: Leave me alone! Wife: It won't take long. Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards. Wife: I can't sleep without it. Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night? Wife: Because I'm hot. Husband: You get hot at the darnedest times. Wife: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you. Husband: If you love me you'd be more considerate. Wife: You don't love me anymore. Husband: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight. Wife: (Sob-Sob) Husband: Alright, I'll do it. Wife: What's the matter? Need a flashlight? Husband: I can't find it. Wife: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it! Husband: There! Are you satisfied? Wife: Oh, yes, honey. Husband: Is it up far enough? Wife: Oh, that's fine. Husband: Now go to sleep and from now on, when you want the window open, open it before you go to bed.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Dragon Fruit
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 168 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 376 )
Dear Webby: Open Office and PPS 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Thursday, January 17, 2008 Tomorrow is Friday!
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. --- Albert Einstein
Thanks to Sandie for this story: My creative mother enjoys doing crafts, such as making potpourri boxes decorated with ribbon and lace. Sometimes she gets so involved that she disappears into her upstairs workroom for hours, forgetting about more mundane things, like making dinner. One evening, I arrived home to find the kitchen empty again. But this time, I found a note that said, "Warning! Small craft advisory. Buy yourself a pizza!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Scorpio9 for this story: A little old Jewish man is walking down the street one afternoon when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?" "Are you nuts?!!!" she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does." Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again. "Listen you, I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?" So the little old Jewish man runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?" She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars. Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there." So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them, but not biting them. The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite them or not?" "Nah", says the little old Jewish man ... costs too much." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Derrick Kosch, 25, in Kokomo, Indiana KOKOMO, Ind. (UPI) -- Police in Kokomo, Ind., said a robbery suspect accidentally shot himself in the groin as he put his gun in the waistband of his pants during a holdup. Authorities were called to the Village Pantry store at about 4:20 a.m. Tuesday by a female clerk who said a man fled after accidentally shooting himself during a robbery. The clerk did not see the shot, as she was retrieving cigarettes for the robber at the time, but surveillance footage shows the man accidentally firing the gun into his genitals while depositing it in his waistband. The robber ran off with the money, but police were called shortly after the incident and told there was a man who had been shot in a house on East North Street . Derrick Kosch, 25, was found with wounds to a testicle and one of his legs. Police said he would be arrested for armed robbery and related charges following surgery. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-288479-393524
Thanks to Cheryl for this picture: Hi Webby Re the photo on Monday- Maybe those cats in the tree were watching these birds in the tree near my house!!They are sulphur-crested cockatoos. They eat everything from the fruit off my trees to my outdoor fairy lights! Have even seen them attacking the baby clothes on next door's clothesline! Think we need those cats! Cheryl
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cookie Re: Open Office and PPS Dear Webby: My personal computer Guru, Do I understand this correctly??? With Open Office you can snag individual pictures from pps shows? I sure hope so...there are so many fantastic pictures in pps files. Cookie Dear Cookie Yes, you can! It opens the PPS with thumbnails of the individual pictures down along the left margin, and the highlighted thumbnail as the big picture in the center. You can edit the pictures, put text on them, change the duration of the show time, etc. And you can of course save the individual pictures that are "keepers". Or you can hit F5 for a traditional sit-back show. I can just hear you now: "Oh WOW! This is the way it should have been all along!" All of Open Office is that way. Like Microsoft Office SHOULD have been all along. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Thanks to Meredith for this famous classic: ( For English as a second language students: The old word for donkey, as used in the bible, is ass. When used in that sense, the word is no more obscene or objectionable than the word donkey. ) The Pastor's Ass The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the ad lines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The bishop was buried the next day.

Deeli's Kudos January 14, 2008 - Fairburn, South Dakota - UPI An 80-year-old Fairburn, S.D., woman shot and killed a mountain lion that was squaring off with her dog in her yard. Martha Smith said she first fired at the lion when she came outside and saw the cat snarling at her Border collie, Bo, whose barking alerted Smith to the unwelcome guest, The Rapid City (S.D.) Journal reported Wednesday. Smith missed with her first shot, which failed to scare off the intruder, and went inside to phone the authorities. However, the 911 dispatcher told Smith no one from Game, Fish & Parks was immediately available to take care of the lion. Smith said she saw no other option than to take a second shot at the big cat. "I knew I'd have to kill him," she said. "You can't have a mountain lion in your yard." She said she got within 20 or 25 feet of the lion and felled the beast in a single, second shot.

Thanks to Sandie for this story: My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements and the director showed us into a room in which containers for ashes were on display. After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had decided. She sighed, "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go into the ground." After a moment's pause, however, she continued, "But I really prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com January's Best Food Buys Buy food that is in season and you can save money at the grocery store. Here are January's Best Buys: Apples, Beef, Broccoli, Brussels sprouts, Chicken, Eggs, Grapefruit, Oranges, Pork, Rhubarb, and Turnips. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife brought his lunch to him. Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly. At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the women offered their sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side. When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?" Well, Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty," so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, "Is that mule for sale.....!?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lightning
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 148 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 1193 )
Dear Webby, how do I unlock the icons? 

   Zoom the font size for best readability!

Good Morning, ! Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young. --- Henry Ford
Thanks to Cookie for this: I Saw a billboard that said: Need help? Call Jesus. 1-800-005-3787 ...Out of curiosity I did. A Mexican showed up with a tow truck.

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: The doctor said to a patient's husband, "I'm sorry. We did all that was humanly possible, but we just can't wake her from her coma. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid." "But doctor, she's so young! She's only thirty-nine." Upon which the comatose wife said weakly, "Thirty-seven." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a driver in Restalrig, Scotland Rude Scott January 15, 2008 - Restalrig, Scotland - UPI After running down an 11-year-old boy in Restalrig, Scotland, a driver stopped only briefly to rant about the damage to his vehicle. Lee Robertson suffered a broken collarbone, a broken shoulder and needed 12 stitches above his left eye after the Saturday crash, the Edinburgh Evening News reported. His mother, Michelle Robertson, said her son is lucky to be alive. "After hitting Lee, the driver stopped further on down the road and then ran back up," Robertson said Monday. "He didn't try to help him though and shouted 'look what you have done to my car.'" A Lothian and Borders Police spokesman said no arrests had been made in the incident and the investigation was ongoing. http://www.arcamax.com/newsheadlines/s-287997-895835
Thanks to Arturas for this picture: Tesla Fun!
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kitty Re: Locked icons Dear webby: here i am again. how do i unlock the icons. to where we can move them around the screen. not all bunched toughther. ? Kitty Dear Kitty Right-click on the desktop and choose Arrange Icons. Unclick Auto Arrange. Unclick Align to grid. They should now stay where you put them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Old buddies Father Mulhaney and Rabbi Silverman were having their monthly breakfast. Father Mulhaney was enjoying his usual bacon and eggs, while Rabbi Silverman was savoring his lox and bagels . Father Mulhaney asked, "Would you like to try a piece of bacon? Lots of people eat bacon, and it is very tasty. Why don't you try a piece?" Rabbi Silverman replied, "You are quite right, my friend. I think I will try some bacon." "When?" asked the priest. "At your wedding, of course," responded the rabbi

Deeli's Kudos January 12, 2008 - LONDON -AP An 88-year-old Briton is perfecting his pirouettes in preparation for his debut as a ballet dancer in Prokofiev's "The Stone Flower." John Lowe, a grandfather of 11, began ballet dancing nine years ago after his daughter became a professional dancer. Now he is scheduled to perform Sunday at The Maltings theatre in Ely, about 120 kilometres north of London. According to Lowe there is nothing effeminate about ballet dancing. He says a person has to be incredibly fit to do ballet and that personally, it gives him a wonderful feeling. Lowe adds that he always wanted to dance and that it's never too late to learn. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0801 ... old_dancer

An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and a Jacuzzi. As they looked around, the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," St. Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next, they went out in the back yard to survey the championship style golf course that the home was located at. They would have golfing privileges every day and each week, the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" St. Peter replied, "This is heaven, you play for free." Next, they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisine of the World laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!" St. Peter replied, with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. St. Peter lectured, "That's the best part - you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven." With that, the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and screaming wildly. St. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault! If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here years ago!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 1empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Dry Dog Food If you have a large dog, store dog food in a plastic garbage can or large tub. For smaller dogs, you can you use a small plastic tub or one of those decorative tins that popcorn comes in. Just empty the bag of dry food into the container and keep a scoop in it. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Today at work, the boss wanted to know when Father's Day was. "Easy," I answered. "It's nine months before Mother's Day."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

Thanks to Arturas for today's Bonus Link: Tesla Coil Fun: Man made lightning
.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby





[ view entry ] ( 378 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 552 )

<<First <Back | 134 | 135 | 136 | 137 | 138 | 139 | 140 | 141 | 142 | 143 | Next> Last>>