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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, February 8, 2010

It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back.
--- Mick Jagger

If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
--- Isaac Newton

The class assignment was to write about something
unusual that happened during the past week.
Little Susie got up to read hers,
"My brother was fighting with me, and he fell in the well
last week..." she began.

"Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Koop. "Is he all right now?"

"He must be," said Little Susie. "He stopped yelling yesterday."

The nice part about living in a small town is that when you
don't know what you're doing, everybody else does,
often long before you actually get around to doing it.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to a 26 year old shoplifter in Riverton, Wyoming

Dumbest shoplifter
RIVERTON, Wyo. — Police say a man suspected of stealing a
bottle of Schnapps from a Wyoming grocery store didn’t have the
best escape route planned.

Riverton police say the 26-year-old ran out of the store after
grabbing the bottle of liquor and a package of cough drops
Wednesday and hid in a nearby building, which happened to
be the police station.

Police say the man then ran out of the police station, but not
before a dispatcher had spied him on the station’s surveillance

The man, who police say was drunk, was caught soon after.
He was taken into custody on preliminary charges of resisting
arrest and shoplifting.

A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night.
All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber ignored it, and unplugs the TV.
Again, the parrot cries out.
"Jesus is gonna get you."
The robber started to get a little worried.
"Moses."
"What dummy named you Moses?"
"The same dummy who called his rottweiler Jesus."

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rosie
Re: too many addresses to check

Dear Webby
I have a bunch of different addresses, so that if any one
That works fairly well, but over the years, they have gotten
onto various spam lists anyway. Is there a way I can weed
out the spam on many addresses at the same time, or do
Rosie

Dear Rosie
With MailWasher you can check as many different addresses
as you want all at the same time. They can be at totally
different providers.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his check up, the doctor called his wife into his
office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a
very serious disease, combined with horrible stress.
If you don't do the following, your husband will die.
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.
Be reasonably pleasant and try to get him into a good mood.
For lunch, fix him something hot.
For dinner, prepare something hot and fairly nutritious.
For a while, don't burden him too much with unnecessary chores.
Try not to discuss your stress about the house work and the
soap operas too much when he is worrying about the
family business, that would just make him feel worse.
And most importantly, you must be intimate with your
husband at least one day of every week.
If you can do this for at least 10 months to a year,
I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife,
"What did the doctor say to you?"
"You're gonna die."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Pledge Cleans More Than Wood
If you look on the back of your Pledge bottle, you will see that
Pledge not only polishes your wood, but is also great for
cleaning stainless steel, leather, granite and marble. I love it,
especially for my stainless steel appliances and leather couches.
I've tried at least 5 different expensive stainless steel cleaners
and pledge outshines them all! It gently cleans to leave a
brilliant shine that resists fingerprints. I also use it on my
leather couches and it works better than any of the expensive
leather cleaners I used to use. Plus, as an added bonus, I
have a lot more space in my cleaning cabinet now that 3
cleaners have been replace by 1. A win win win all around!
By Christi from Lake Worth

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

(This one you have to read out loud)
"Information? I need the number for Caseway Trasnport."
"Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as
in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in
are. Y as in you."
"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Just saw a headline on the news ticker:
"Scientists say English Foot and Mouth out of control"

hmmm, I know some Irish who have been saying that for years!

»  Street Installations

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, February 7, 2010

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
--- Noelie Altito

One can survive everything, nowadays, except death,
and live down everything except a good reputation.
--- Oscar Wilde

Help! Help" cried the young woman as she ran up the steps
of the police station. "An Irishman molested me!"
How do you know he was Irish? inquired the sergeant at
the desk.
"I had to help him" she gasped.

In a lot of Southern towns, the influence of the Baptist
Church is felt in many different walks of life. For example,
sexual relations between two unmarried adults is illegal.
It seems, they felt, it might lead to dancing.

Blue Heron baby

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to David R. Small, 37, of Occum, Connecticut

Dim Burglar
NORWICH, Conn. - Norwich police have arrested a man with a
long list of burglary convictions on arson and burglary charges in
connection with a fire Wednesday morning at a vacant building
in Occum.

David R. Small, 37, is accused of stealing copper tubing from
a vacant building and starting a small fire in the basement during
the theft, police said.

In an interview after his arrest, police said, Small admitted starting
the fire because he needed light to see what he was doing.

Police said Small went across the street to another vacant house
in an attempt to steal more copper pipes but left when he didn’t
find any. Small was arrested while leaving the area, police said.

Angus was returning to Scotland after a year in exile
and was met at the station by his two brothers Lorne
and Neil.
"Lorne!, Neil!, What did you grow beards for while
I was away?"
Lorne replied angrily "What do you expect?
You took the razor blade with you!"

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Catherine

Hi Webby:
thanks for all the good information you put out.
Can you please tell me what the following is
His came on my computer: You need a DTX SDK license!
Never heard of it-have you?
Thank You
Catherine

Dear Catherine
One of your IE tool bars was created by using a free trial version of the DTX SDK programming kit.
You have to get rid of that tool bar.

1.     Open IE
2.     Click on Tools
4.     Click on Toolbars and Extensions
5.     Click on each Toolbar listed to highlight and then click the disable button
6.     Repeat number 5 until you have all of the toolbars disabled
7.     Re-enable the toolbars one by one until you receive the error message.
This will identify the toolbar with the problem
8.     Leave the bad toolbar disabled,
and write to the cheap parasites, who conned you into installing it.

There is no need to be diplomatic about it. It's quite OK to use
a free trial to see if that is indeed the program one wants, but
most definitely NOT for producing commercial software.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Church Bulletin Board Bloopers:

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for
more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and
requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
-------------
The senior choir invites any member of the congregation
who enjoy sinning to join the choir.
------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb
entertainment, and gracious hostility.
------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
-----------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the
B.S. is done.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Banana Splits for Valentine's Day
I started a tradition when my oldest son was 4 years old.
Since our "sweethearts" are our children, we celebrate
Valentine's Day by having banana splits for dinner! I make
sure to have anything a person could desire for toppings.
Our dining table looks just like a malt shop. (You should see
the huge bowl of cherries that adorns the center of the
table!) All with the benefit of having a fun intimate family
meal, and the cost is the same or less than what we would
have spent if we went to eat at an ice cream shop. And we
get to keep the left over ingredients! Valentine's Day is the
one time a year my children can look forward to eating dessert
for dinner, just as they count on turkey for Thanksgiving.
It's a treat we all love! Now, we have a brood of 15, 10 and 4.
We've been celebrating Valentine's Day with banana splits for
11 years and my kids proclaim they will pass this family
tradition down to their own children some day!
By Jennifer from Hill Air Force Base, Utah

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A popular blonde cheerleader bounced into the local
card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk.
"Do you have any, like, real special birthday cards?"
"Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's
a new one. It's inscribed, "To the Man Who Was My First"
"Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole box."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A woman picked up a few items in the supermarket,
his back turned to her, so she said, "Excuse me.
I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?"
The clerk turned, looked her up and down and

»  Sand Sculptures

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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SD / SDHC confusion

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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, February 6, 2010

Reality continues to ruin my life.
--- Bill Watterson

The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful
--- Frederick Locker-Lampson

Did you know that .....
In Seattle, Washington residents may not carry concealed
weapons longer than six feet.

"I presume, Mrs Murphy, you carry a memento of some
sort in that locket of yours?"
"Indeed I do, sir, it's a lock of my Dan's hair."
"But your husband is still alive."
"that he is," said she "but his hair is long gone!"

OK, here are some more gators.Unfortunately, the setting sun
was behind me, so the depth of the picture is not as good as

The big meanie on the right side wanted my camera or something,
so I had to leave in a hurry.

If you click on the picture, you'll get the 1024 x 768 size.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Anthony Chiofalo, New York

Deputy locked in dog cage after DUI stop
It's hasta la pasta for the marijuana meatballs cop.

A state appeals court has upheld the NYPD's firing of a veteran
detective who blamed a failed drug test on his wife spiking his
meatballs with pot.

Anthony Chiofalo, a 22-year-veteran, challenged his 2006
termination by Commissioner Raymond Kelly, but the
Appellate Division shot it down.

The panel of judges agreed with Kelly that the high levels of
marijuana found in Chiofalo's hair samples could not have come
from accidentally ingesting the drug in food or from second-hand
smoke.

Chiofalo argued that the hair-sample test was not authorized by
the NYPD's collective-bargaining agreement with his union.
"The Court of Appeals has held that the Commissioner was
empowered to choose the method of drug testing, and that choice
was not subject to collective bargaining," the judges wrote in a

Chiofalo's wife, Catherine, smokes marijuana for back pain and
admitted to investigators that she laced her husband's meatballs
in hopes that he would be fired before getting killed on the job.

Casey and Riley agreed to settle their dispute by a fight,
and it was understood that whoever wanted to quit should
say "Enough."
Casey got Riley down and was hammering him unmercifully
when Riley called out several times, "Enough!"
As Casey paid no attention, but kept on administering
punishment, a bystander said, "Why don't you let him up?
Don't you hear him say that he's had enough?"
"I do," says Casey, "but he's such a liar, you can't believe
him."

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Svend
Re: SD versus SDHC chips

Dear Webby,
Thanks for your Humor Letter,  I have been a subscriber for
many a year now.

Saw the piece about not being able to use SDHC cards in
Canon Powershot cameras in your Humor Letter this morning.
It must be in just some of the Powershot cameras, because my
2-year-old Powershot S5 IS uses SDHC cards just fine.

And by the way,  you can get those cards for about half price
through many ebay dealers.

This is how it looked at our place yesterday.
See attached.
Thanks again.
Svend

Dear Svend
Yes, my Powershot is a S2 IS and a few years old.
It turns out that cameras made before 2006 use the old
DOS FAT16 format, which limits them to memory chips
of less than 4 GB.

Since 2006 they use the SDHC format, which is good
for up to 32 GB, or SDXC, which is good for up to 2 TB.

Using the cheap 2 GB chips is not really a problem,
as long as one knows about the limit.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Two Irish mothers were talking about their sons. The first
said, "My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't
smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in
over two years."

The other woman said, "Well, my Francis is a saint himself.
Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three
years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that
time."

"My word," the first Irish mother said. "You must be so
proud."

"I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled
next month, I'm going to throw him one heck of a big party."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Change Clothes in Dryer Before It Stops
When doing laundry, remove clothing from the dryer before it stops
on its own, and put the next load in. This way, the dryer doesn't cool
down and then have to heat up again for each load. The clothes are
dry by then, and if you get them folded right away, you won't need
By Mary from Hummelstown, PA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Maureen was feeling a bit ill, and not recovering from a night out
anywhere near as fast as Paddy.  So he sent her off to the doctor.
She came back shortly with a puzzled frown and said:
"Oh, Paddy, he wants a "Specimen", but fo the life o me I don't
know if we have one or if we can affod t'buy one!"

Paddy hemmed and hawed for a while, but couldn't figure it out
either. So he finally suggested: "me lass, why don't you go
upstairs and ask Maud O'Reilly, she used to work the streets in
town and she'll know."

So Maureen climbed up the stairs and knocked. Not a minute
later, screaming and cussing and the noise of a ferocious fight
echoed down the stairwell, soon followed by much banging
and clatter as poor Maureen came tumbling down the stairs.

"Oh Paddy, she's so mean! All I did was ask her what a
'specimen' was, and she told me to 'piss in abottle'!
So of course I told her to shit in a hat, and the fight was on."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer
in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and
take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked
outside.

One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend
didn't see us or recognize my pickup."

The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it
make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one
who counts."

The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife."

»  Zeppelin Eureka

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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Can you use SDHC chips instead of SD?

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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, February 5, 2010
Time to wear something red to show your support for the troops!

I won't take my religion from any man
who never works except with his mouth.
--- Carl Sandburg

If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect.
--- Ted Turner

Pierre from Montreal was in a hotel in Edmonton and
phoned room service for some pepper.
"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
"Noose pepper!"

The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was
asked whether or not she'd have children if she had to do
over again.
"Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."

In the evening sun these two old gators in the Everglades
looked blue! First time I have seen that.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Samuel Monroe Bledsoe, 47 in Blountville, Tennessee

Deputy locked in dog cage after DUI stop
Feb 3, 3:38 PM (ET)
BLOUNTVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - A Tennessee sheriff's deputy arrested
on a drunken driving charge wound up in a dog house before he was
taken to the big house. The Kingsport Times-News reported the details
of a Tennessee Highway Patrol arrest report, which said 47-year-old
Samuel Monroe Bledsoe was kicking the windows of a trooper's cruiser
on his way to a hospital for a blood test.

The report said Bledsoe was then locked inside the cruiser's K-9 cage
for his safety.

Trooper David Osborne said in the report that Bledsoe performed poorly
during a field sobriety test - even after it was explained to Bledsoe 18 times.

The Sullivan County Sheriff's Office later fired Bledsoe.

Bledsoe was free Wednesday on $1,500 bond. A married couple in New York's "Little Italy" went to their Priest to discuss birth control, since they already had five children. The husband inquired if perhaps oral sex would be an acceptable substitute in the eyes of the Church. The Priest explained that it was still considered a sin and frowned upon by the church. The wife spoke up fuming: "Look Father, you no play-a da game, you no make-a da rules." From the Tech Support Pits: From:Me Re: Can SDHC memory chips be used instead of SD Can SDHC memory chips be used in cameras instead of SD ? Well today I found out the hard way, in Canon cameras you can't. They fit in just like the SD chips, and I thought I would take along a new 8 GB chip, because I knew the 2 GB chip was getting full. Well, it fit in OK, but the Canon Powershot camera won't have anything to do with it. Emma, the friendly lady at CompUSA cheerfully exchanged it for two 2 GB chips and some cash back. Have FUN! DearWebby While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plant Veggies In Your Flower Bed Even if you don't have garden space you can get a few homegrown foods by adding a few choice vegetable plants to the scheme of your flower bed. Just pick your favorite veggies in unusual varieties. Good greens are lettuce, mustard, turnips, spinach, kale - curly or flat, come in all shades of green, red, purple, yellow and black. You can get cabbages in purple, red, bluish as well as green. If you get the winter decorative cabbages they even come in pink!- and they're still edible. You can grow beans as a great vine with flowers that are purple or red. There is a super ornamental pepper with all the hot colors, yellow, orange, and red, that covers the plant with edible peppers. And of course my most favorite, tomatoes, can be found in small or tall plants and the yellow, pink, red or even white fruit. They all add just as much color and texture as flowers but with the plus of produce. By Trace from Wartburg Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: A soldier was asked to report to the camp office for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked A Southern preacher was using the new sound system of the church for the first time and jerking the microphone cord along behind him as he briskly moved about the platform. He had never heard his voice amplyfied like that and was getting right into the spirit of things and gesticulating just as wildly as he was yelling into the microphone. As he moved farther over to one side, he got wound up in the cord and nearly tripped before jerking it free again. After several circles and jerks, Little Johnny leaned toward his mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, we better run!" » Zeppelin Eureka ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 176 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 552 ) How do you assign 7 mouse functions?  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Thursday, February 4, 2010 As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it. --- Dick Cavett A man will pay$2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay$3.99 for a $2 item that she doesn't want but that is on sale. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change but she does. If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ula Webb-Chambers, 40, of Gainesville, Florida Pick it up so I can hit you again A Gainesville woman is accused of hitting a former boyfriend on the head with a tire iron and then ordering him to pick it up so she could hit him again. Ula Webb-Chambers, 40, of 2928 S.W. 39th Ave., was arrested Wednesday afternoon on charges of aggravated domestic battery and aggravated domestic assault. According to an arrest report by Gainesville police Officer Shawn Barnes, Webb-Chambers and the man had lived together for about 15 months before separating earlier this month. The man told police Webb-Chambers drove up to him near the St. Francis House and began arguing with him over money. The man said he began walking away but Webb-Chambers put her car into reverse and accelerated as she drove backward toward him. He told police he ran between two Dumpsters at the back of the homeless shelter to avoid being hit. The man said he tried to get away from Webb-Chambers by running across the street toward a Gainesville fire station but Webb-Chambers followed, taking a tire iron from the trunk of her car and running toward him screaming things like, "I got something for you," and, "The firemen ain't gonna help you." According to police, Webb-Chalmers caught up with the man about a block away and hit him on the back of the head with the tire iron. The man said Webb-Chambers then dropped the tire iron and screamed at him, saying, "Pick that thing up so I can hit you again." The man told police that he was dazed but able to get away and that a friend picked him up and drove him to an area hospital. In an arrest report, Barnes wrote that the man had a large bump on the back of his head and likely had a concussion. Webb-Chambers reportedly denied having an part in the incident. Webb-Chambers was booked into the Alachua County jail. A women goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriends father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Great!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "dad gomit Ginger, get away from her before you smell like her!" From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandie Re: How do you utilize 7 mouse buttons? Dear Webby I got a new Logitech mouse, and it has seven functions. What should I assign all those to? Sandie Dear Sandie You can change those assignments any time, but here is how I set them. The regular left and right clickers are best left as they are. 3 Pushing the scroll wheel down I assign to double-click / Enter. 4 Thumb button: Back a page 5 Pinkie (right side) button: Forward a page 6 Tilting the scroll wheel LEFT: Copy 7 Tilting the scroll wheel RIGHT: Paste With Microsoft mice the pinkie button is farther forward, and you can use Thumb / Pinkie for copy / paste, which seems more logical, but with Logitech it is too far back and you WILL accidentally activate it quite often. Accidentally jumping a page forward is not a big deal, but accidentally pasting whatever has been copied last, is a major nuisance. Because the pinkie button on Logitech mice is so poorly situated and much too trigger-happy, you might want to assign it to do nothing at all. Otherwise you will do a lot of cussing about an otherwise quite good mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby To get acquainted with his new Parish, the Priest decided to call on someone daily. One he selected was a young widow, her husband, according to the index card, had died two years ago. After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady with a baby in her arms. He said, "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was looking for the widow Laffitte." "You've found her Father." smiled the lady. "Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died over two years ago." he said glancing at the baby in her arms. "That's correct Father, he surely did... but I didn't." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Photos to Make Greeting Cards I have not bought a greeting card of any kind for more years than I can remember. How easy it is to make all kinds of beautiful cards with personalized photos from your own computer. Print Shop is the software I began with but I have used Print Artist for years. My grandchildren have made their own school valentines using this program. I can't remember the time they bought Valentine's cards for their friends. If you are a photography buff many of your very own photos can be easily inserted in your cards. And pick your own words or special quote to insert inside the card. When you are finished you will wonder why you ever spent money on those store bought cards. By Karen from Davis, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house. Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven). As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody. As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked "Why did you just stand there? Was it her Bible quote ?" "Bible Quote???" screeched the burglar. "She said she had an AXE and TWO 38's! Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they had no room in the trailer for a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor/veterinarian and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor/veterinarian told him that was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor/veterinarian, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor/veterinarian, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand. This procedure is aparently also approved in West Virginia and Arkansas. » Tugs ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 122 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 652 ) Need more space fast  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Wednesday, February 3, 2010 The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one. --- Albert Einstein Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all. --- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked: "What do you want, Sonny?" "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m-ma'am?" he asked. "Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" replied the lady. "S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-what about vinegar bottles?" Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it was learned that he recently performed a successful sight- saving operation on the wife of the country's most celebrated mural artist, who, in addition to paying the doctor's usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor's waiting room. The mural turned out to be an immense multicolored picture of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect miniature likeness of the good doctor himself. While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter drew the eye specialist aside and asked: "Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an entire wall of your office?" "To tell the truth," the physician replied, "my first thought was, thank goodness I'm not a hemorrhoid specialist!" If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joshua Algers, 28, in Colorado Springs Drunk dad told kids to bite officers COLORADO SPRINGS (UPI) -- Police in Colorado said a drunken man arrested in a McDonald's play area told his young kids to "bite the officers' faces off." Colorado Springs Police said Joshua Algers, 28, was found passed out drunk in a McDonald's play area at about 4 p.m. Wednesday and officers placed him under arrest upon learning there was a warrant out for his arrest, the Colorado Springs Gazette reported. Algers became aggressive when police called the mother of the children to come pick them up, and then instructed the kids to "bite the officers' faces off," a police report said. The suspect resisted the officers and was subdued with a Taser, police said. He was arrested on suspicion of assaulting a police officer and the original warrant, which officers did not specify. A kid comes home from college. His father is a farmer, and he's shoveling all the manure out of the outhouse onto the strawberries to fertilize them. The kid says, "Hey, Pop, learned in college there's an easy way to do everything." They go downtown and get some dynamite, they're gonna rig it up under the outhouse and blow the solids into the strawberry patch. They get it all rigged up, but they don't see Grandma coming to use the outhouse. BaBooom! The manure goes flying, and so does Grandma. Ploop!...she lands in the strawberries. They go running up to her... "Grandma, Grandma! My God, are you all right? Are you all right?" She says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Whoo! I'm certainly glad I didn't let that one go in the kitchen!" From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tunia Re: Need more disk space Dear Webby I desperately need more disk space quickly. My daughter keeps sending me pictures from her honeymoon, to keep for her, in case the silly dingbat loses her camera again. I already cleaned out anything that I think isn't absolutely necessary, but she keeps sending more and more pictures every night. Tunia. I tried an HP USB connected DVD burner last year, but even the local computer shop could not get that to work right. Dear Tunia You need a USB connected hard drive. You can get 1 TeraByte (1000 GigaByte) drives in a USB enclosure for under$90 at
Tiger, CompUSA, Walmart, BestBuy and many other places.
They simply plug in and work. No fuss at all.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

A woman was complaining to a policeman about the
neighbor across the way. She took him up to her abode
and pointing across the court said,
"It's an outrage the way those nudists are carrying on in that
apartment--I'm ashamed."
The cop looked across the court and said,
"I can't see anything going on in there."
"Is that so?" she cried, "you just put this chair up on that
dresser and stand on it! Take these binoculars and you'll
see plenty."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Save Juice from Canned Fruit
Save your juice from canned peaches. Freeze it in ice cube
trays then when solid move over to a Ziploc bag and store in
iced tea. It is good with any tea, but especially good with
raspberry tea.
By Mom from Missouri

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon
full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.
Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian
dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
Then a third child brought the argument to a close...
"They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

"How long will it take to pull my tooth?" The patient
"Only two seconds"
"How much will it cost?"
"Fifty dollars."
"For only two seconds of work?"
"Well," The dentist answered coolly, "I can pull it very,
very slowly and make it last an hour if you prefer."

»  Models of Yore

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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How to test your Internet connection speed?

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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, February 2, 2010

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what
the neighbors will say.
--- Cyril Connolly

The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease.
Sometimes it gets replaced.
--- Vic Gold

Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids,
we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and
listening to repetitive music.
--- Marcus Brigstocke

The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief
to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of
day are you having?"
"Oh, mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is
broken, I've not been able to get out of the house to shop, I
twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around. On top
of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have
two couples over for dinner tonight."
"Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your
eyes, and I'll be over in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean
up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll take care of
the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know
who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George
at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help
out for once."
"George? Who's George?"
"Mom, I don't have a husband."
"Is this 234-5678?"
"Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The
housewife paused, then got rather hysterical:
"But, but, but, you're still going to come over and help me,
aren't you?"

"I hope you didn't take it personally, Pastor," an
embarrassed woman said after a church service,
"when my husband walked out during your sermon."
"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.
"It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer.
"Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a kid."

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to a 43 year old robber in San Diego

Robber calls police to complain about interruption
SAN DIEGO  — A man who was busy robbing his elderly victim
Saturday became so upset when a bystander tried to break up
the crime by punching the robber in the face, that he, the robber,
called police to report an assault.

Once they put two and two together, police officers located the
83-year-old victim, who confirmed the crime, and arrested the
43-year-old man for suspected elder abuse and robbery, said
San Diego police Officer David Stafford.

Police were called at 4 p.m. to Akins Avenue at 62nd Street
near a trolley station, where the robber had the elderly man
pinned against a wall and was rifling through his pockets when
the bystander interrupted the crime, Stafford said.

No other information was available about the robber, or the
35-year-old man who came to the victim’s aid.

In a test of emergency systems  some boy scouts
impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked
up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was
supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers,
but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout
lay "wounded" for several hours.

When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was
supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note:
"Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds for a refill."

Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early
age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Peggy
Re: How do I find my Connection speed

Dear Webby
How do I find my connection speed on the computer I am using?
Thank you,
Peggy

Dear Peggy
Here are 3 free sites to test your connection speed:

http://internetfrog.com/mypc/speedtest/

http://us.mcafee.com/root/speedometer/test_3000.asp

http://www.pcpitstop.com/internet/bw.asp

Have FUN!
DearWebby

The pastor was doing is weekly "children's message"
with the children gathered around him down front.
He was talking to the youngsters on their level about
being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk,
he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven!" one of the girls cried out enthusiastically.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" the
"Dead!" yelled one of the boys.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Simple Household Bookkeeping System
I keep every receipt (utilities, grocery, medical, etc.)
in a plain legal sized envelop labeled for the month
(Example: Jan 09) until the end of the year. I keep
them in a drawer with my bank statements.

At the end of the year I have 12 legal envelopes the same
size as my 12 bank statements. I bundle them with rubber
bands. I begin a new check register each January 1, and
stop with Dec. 31. I put the check register with the bundled
envelopes.

At the end of the year I store them in plastic totes. On the
envelope I will write whether there are important receipts for
items which could possibly need to be exchanged like a new
appliance. I have done this for over 20 years.

By Jeanne from Elysian Fields, TX

While that is a paper keeping system, it is not really a
bookkeeping system.

Since you DO have access to a computer, you can use a simple
imagine.
Label the cells in the first column with numbers starting with 0.
There is a button for doing that automatically.
Label the top cell to the right of it DATE.
Label the top cells in the columns to the right of it with the
categories you need for tax purposes, like Meds, or categories
you want to track, like utilities, maintenance, groceries, etc.,
and a comment column at the end.

Let's say your first receipt is for medication. Write a 1onto
it's top corner, type the date from the receipt into the date
column, and the amount on the same row but in the MEDS column,
and a comment, if you want, on the same row in the comment
column.

One of the biggest advantages of a journal like that is that
you not only can find any specific item fast, but that you
SEE your expenses. You can spot trends.

You can give each column a different color background,
and use a different color font for different months.
And yes, you most certainly can sub-total each month,
and of course total each column at year end.

My description may sound difficult and tedious at first
reading, but it's actually really easy and even fun.
I would be surprised, if you don't some day highlight a
month and hit the GRAPH button. You can make a colorful
pie chart showing how your money is used, or a line
graph showing trends. "Hmmm, fuel expenses are creeping
up. Will have to have a word with Junior!"
Each category will have a different colored line and you
can tell at a glance if there is a change.

To find a receipt, you check the number in the first
column, then dig out the receipt with that number in the
top right corner.

Doing the taxes is of course a lot less tedious if you have
the yearly totals of each category at the bottom.

And you can of course do the same with income.

Spreadsheets like Calc (in Open Office), Quattro (in Corel
Office), Excel (Microsoft), etc, are free or cheap. The only
part that is difficult is getting started with them.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

George and Nancy get along just great, except that she's a
"backseat driver" second to none. After years of putting up
with her pestering, he finally decided he had enough and
advised her that he would no longer drive with her in the
car.

Later that day, on his way home from doing some shopping
at the mall, he heard his cell phone ring, just as he was
merging onto a freeway.

It was Nancy. By chance, she had entered the freeway right
behind George.
"Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And put on
your lights; it's starting to rain."

George did have the grace to say "Thank you!",
before he tossed his last cell phone out the window.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

»  Harmony of colors

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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How to install Spybot-Search&Destroy

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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, February 1, 2010

In archaeology you uncover the unknown.
In diplomacy you cover the known.
--- Thomas Pickering

The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards.
--- Arthur Koestler

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean
that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior,
the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth,
infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty. Without hesitating,
the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke
and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the
dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At
length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."

As an elderly lady was boarding the plane, she said to the
flight attendant, "Do these things crash very often?"
The attendant replied,
"No -- just once!"

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Jason Miles, 22 of Crestview, Florida

"Man You Don't Know How Much Weed I Smoke"

CRESTVIEW -- A man pulled over for failing to maintain a
single lane and for speeding was arrested after telling police
he had $2,000 worth of "weed" in his trunk. The 25-year-old Crestview man was stopped Jan. 22 after a Crestview Police Department officer noticed him speeding on James Lee Blvd. The driver, Jason Miles, appeared nervous and there was a strong odor of marijuana coming from inside the truck, the officer noted. When the officer asked him if there was anything illegal in the truck, Miles said, "I got$2,000 worth of weed in the truck!"

During a search, police found 110 grams of marijuana, two
digital scales and a package of peach-flavored cigars. He was
charged with possession of marijuana with intent to distribute
and possession of paraphernalia.

After being read his rights, Miles told police he only sold the
marijuana on weekends because he was a full-time student
during the week. He also said he sold some and kept some.

"Man, you don't know how much weed I smoke," he told the officer.

He has a March 2 court date.

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the
blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said:
"Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know,
would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am
standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't
run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty."

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Hubcap
Re: How do I install Spybot

Dear Webby
Vista home premium computer from you web site but don't know
quite how to do it. Any help appreciated.
Hubcap

Dear Hubcap
Just click on the Spybot-Search&Destroy button in the left side menu.
Scroll down to where it says DOWNLOAD and click on the blue cube.
That gets you to the Mirrors. Depending on your connection speed,
pick the one closest to you.

Most people are fanatic Easter Egg Hunters and tell it to put it ANYWHERE,
and then go hunt for it later.
I tell it to put it into E:\TOOLS\Spybot

It will again ask you where you want the program to be set up.
Again, tell it to do it in a place like E:\TOOLS\Spybot
or let it go to the Windows default place at
C:\Program Files\Miscellaneous\Stuff and Such\Programs\More Stuff\
In your case it probably makes little difference, since it
produces a desktop icon anyway.

When it finishes the installation, run it.
It will show you what it found, and you can un-check stuff that
you might want to keep, for example the cookies from your bank.
Then hit the "Fix It" button, and it does.
That's all there is to it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

You are 100% Texan if you have ever had this
conversation :
"You wanna Coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Set Up A Pet Care Savings Account
I see a lot of requests for advice about sick pets from people
unwilling or unable to go to the vet due to the expense. Here
is what has worked for me. I have added pet care into my
weekly budget. I started a savings account and each payday
the amount I have determined I can afford goes directly into
that account. I do not use it for anything except vet costs.
It adds up quickly and I always have enough for at least a
checkup in that account. Pets who receive regular checkups
have less emergencies in the long run, as trouble can be
detected before it is too late. We owe them nothing less.
By Kelly from Portland, OR

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator.
Suddenly a woman in front turned around, slapped him and
left in a huff.
The little girl remarked, "That's okay, Daddy, I didn't like her
either, she was stepping all over my toes. That's why I
pinched her."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a
sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on
the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog
asleep on the floor..
He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are
supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly
doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world
would you post that sign?"
"Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign,
people kept tripping over him and knocking their teeth out
on the counter."

»  Awesome Footwear

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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Humor: Spybot

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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, January 31, 2010

Spare no expense to save money on this one.
--- Samuel Goldwyn

Bureaucrats write memoranda both because they appear to be busy
when they are writing and because the memos, once written,
immediately become proof that they were busy.
--- Charles Peters

History is more or less bunk.
--- Henry Ford

A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian
family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ".
"No,no, I mean are you lost ?"
"No, I've been here thirty years."
"I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?"
"When is it ?"
"It could be today or tomorrow ".
"Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me know .
My wife will probably want to go both days !"

A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her
swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the
back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to
both of them since their relationship had been purely
platonic up to that point anyway. They decided to walk
together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where
certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the
problem.

Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German
Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.

Thanks to Sandie for this picture:

under a Live Oak in Ft Myers, FL

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Douglas J. Koufman in Palm Beach

MIAMI -- Authorities say a Miami man cleaned out his elderly
mother's savings, worth over $800,000. Douglas J. Koufman is charged with exploitation of an elderly person or disabled adult for more than$100,000. The 57-year-old
surrendered Tuesday at the Palm Beach County Jail and posted
bail Wednesday.

According to an affidavit by the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office,
Koufman misappropriated at least $873,000 from his mother's trust fund. His mother, Charlotte Koufman, is now 88 and suffers from dementia. Records show the woman's trust contained over$2 million in July 2004.

Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for
their annual  intelligence test.
The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?"
"274," he replies.
The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?"
"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three
times three?"
"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor.
"How did you get that?"
"Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Johnny
Re: Spybot

Dear Webby
Wish I knew about the Spyware two weeks ago.
Had to shut my computer down until son could fix it.
Johnny

Dear Johnny
It pays to look at the side menu in the Humor Letter every
now and then. I have donated free space there for
Spybot-Search&Destroy for 10 years now.
Everything you see there is an "Essential" that we put on
every Webby computer, before we let a user touch it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Lucy went to college. However, she really worried her
folks because all she ever wrote home about was boys and
good times. Her mother decided to have a serious talk with
Lucy when she came home for a weekend. The mother
started out by saying, "Now, dear, if you are only going to
college to find a husband, it certainly will be expensive
shopping."
"Yes, I know, Mom," said Lucy, "but what a supermarket."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Store Important Items In Dishwasher in an Emergency
If you ever need to leave in a hurry because of a flood approaching,
a good place to store important items (computer tower, pictures, etc.)
is in your dishwasher. It has a watertight seal that will protect your
It will not work with a top loader clothes washer.
By Fred from Michigan

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

»  Baby Birds

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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Short URLs

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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, January 30, 2010

Life is not merely to be alive, but to be well.
--- Marcus Valerius Martial

An economist is a man who states the obvious
in terms of the incomprehensible.
--- Alfred A. Knopf

An inter-church gathering was well attended when someone
suddenly cried
"FIRE!"
The Methodists gathered in a corner to pray.
The Baptists hollered "Everyone in the water !"
The Lutherans nailed a paper to the door declaring fire was evil.
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out in an
orderly manner.
The Unitarians concluded the fire had as much right to be there
as anyone.
The Christian Scientists agreed there really wasn't a fire.
The 7th Day Adventists said it was "the vengeance of an angry
God."
The Presbyterians formed a committee to study the problem.
The Catholics passed the plate to cover the damages.

The janitor grabbed a fire extinguisher and put the fire out.

Two young medical students were standing on a street corner
observing people as they passed and discussing any
abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in
passers-by. They saw this old fellow sort of duck waddling
down the street at a slow pace. The two students
introduced themselves to the gentleman and told him that
they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the
old mans problem.

One says, "my friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids,
and I think you have a hernia."

The old man said, "Well, I thought it was a going to be fart,
but it looks like all three of us were wrong with our guessing."

Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Jessica Kathleen Alexander, 18, and Tammy Nicole Ortega, 29,
from Telford, Tennessee

2 cheap Tennessee hookers jailed
Two Telford, TN women have been arrested and charged with filing
a false rape report. Washington County,
TN investigators arrested Tammy Nicole Ortega, age 29, 255
Browning Road, Telford and Jessica Kathleen Alexander, age 18,
255 Browning Road, Telford. Both were charged with
Filing a False Police Report. Both women claimed they went
outside their residence to check on barking dogs and two men
threw them down and started raping them. Both women later
recanted, telling Sheriff’s investigators that the rapes did not happen.

Ortega and Alexander stated they met a man on a telephone
chat line, then offered to meet him and have sex in exchange for a
pack of cigarettes. Police say the women met the male subject and
did indeed trade sex for a pack of cigarettes. After the sex, the man left,
and the women decided to file a police report claiming they were raped.

Alexander later stated they filed the false police report because they
didn’t enjoy the sex.

Ortega was charged with an additional count of Filing a False Police Report
from an incident in November of 2008, in which she reported a
Vandalism/Arson to the front porch of her rented residence. Ortega stated
she gave false information to Sheriff’s Deputies regarding the incident.
The investigation is ongoing and more arrests are pending.

Tammy Nicole Ortega is being held in the Washington County Detention
Center on a $10,000.00 bond and is scheduled for arraignment in Jonesborough Session Court on January 29, 2010 at 9:00am. Jessica Kathleen Alexander is being held in the Washington County Detention Center on a$5,000.00 bond and is scheduled for arraignment
in Jonesborough Session Court on January 29, 2010 at 9:00am

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Annabel
Re: Short URLs

Dear Webby
Sometimes you use some very short URLs for links.
How do you get those?
I realize that some yahoos are griping and sniveling about them,
and call them "cloaking" and deceiving, but I sure prefer the shorter
ones.
Annabel

Dear Annabel
Depending on the browser and version of subscription a subscriber
has, a long URL can really mess up the formatting. Whenever a URL
is longer than an average line, I shorten it.

You can go to http://snipurl.com, or similar sites, and paste the
long URL. They shorten it down for you.It is a free service.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead
dinosaur with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he
asked: "Did you kill that?". The pigmy said "Yes."
The hunter asked "How could a little guy like you
kill a huge beast like that?"

Said the pigmy: "With my club."

The pigmy replied: "There's about 60 of us."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Reuse the Plastic Bags You Already Have
re-use the plastic bags that you already have at home. I bought
the re-usable ones, and found that I did not have enough of them.
I buy a lot of groceries at a time, and just simply did not have
enough bags. Buying as many as I needed was a cost factor;
plus, I always wound up not having them in the car, which
totally defeated the purpose in the first place. Then I thought
of just keeping the plastic bags that I already had, in the car.
Takes up far less space, didn't cost me anything, and I have
lots more of them.
By Carole from Locust Fork, AL

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a
"I want to buy this material for a new dress. How
much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male
clerk."
That's fine," replied the woman. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his
face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped
the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped
up the package and pointed to a little old woman
standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she
smiled.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

An IRS man asks a farmer, "How much is
The farmer says, "For tax purposes, or has
he been hit by a train?"

»  Sea Photos

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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Can I check Gmail from any computer?

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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, January 29, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
--- Will Rogers

Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned
by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down.
--- Hector Berlioz

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels
with another must wait till that other is ready.
--- Henry David Thoreau

Thanks to Roland for this confession:
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I
desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really
loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished
my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

It's comforting to know that real estate agents are required to be more
candid about the properties they represent these days. A Newport Beach,
California Internet listing of a duplex revealed that the other inhabitant
possessed two cats and "a Scottish terrorist."
Taken from Steve Harvey's column in the LA Times.
------------------------------------
Well you got to watch those Scots. There is aparently no sound on earth
more terrifying than a bunch of Scots coming home from the bar and
deciding to practise their bagpipes indoors.

George had minor surgery after a bad accident and gets on the bus one
afternoon. He looks quite bedraggled and more like he had been in a bar
fight than being hit by a cab, and is still a bit groggy from the anesthetic
staggers up the aisle, and sits down next to an elderly woman.

She looks George up and down and screeches at him:
"I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"
George jumps up out of his seat and shouts:
"Hold it, driver. I'm on the wrong bus!
I don't wanna go where SHE goes!"

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to

Sleepy burglars
STUART, Fla. -- Four Miami-area men were arrested Tuesday
after they broke into a Stuart business and stole nearly
$10,000 worth of equipment, including 22 chainsaws, according to the Martin County Sheriff's Office. Martin County sheriff's deputies arrested Armando Garcia and Abel Lahera, both of Miami; Emilio Moreira, of Hialeah; and Jorge Amador, of Cutler Bay. Deputies were called to a burglary at Stuart Lawn & Garden, 3326 SE Dixie Highway, at about 3:30 a.m. Surveillance video from the store showed a white van with one wheel that was a different color than the others. The video also showed two men entering the store and removing items. "It was mainly items that they knew they were after because they didn't spend any time looking around," said Justin Suggs, vice president of Stuart Lawn & Garden. Deputies said they later found the van abandoned at Harbor Bay Plaza in Sewalls Point. The suspects were found sleeping in a nearby Jaguar and taken into custody. According to the arrest affidavit, one of the suspects told investigators that they burglarized the store, parked the van in a parking lot and left in the Jaguar. It stated that they planned to wait a few hours and then blend in with the morning traffic. Stuart Lawn & Garden had a sign outside the store Tuesday that read, "The Last 4 Idiots Who Broke In Here And Stole From Us Are At The Martin County Correctional Facility Getting Acquainted With BUBBA." All four suspects are charged with burglary and grand theft. They were each being held on$10,000 bond.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: G!
Re: Can I use Gmail from any computer?

Dear Webby
I have often considered changing mail providers but I've had
yahoo since 1996 (and grown very fond of my address ...
Can I access Gmail from any computer?
G!

Dear G!
Yahoo may give you the same warm feeling as a full diaper,
and in much the same way, it doesn't really earn you a lot
of respect.

Yes, you sure can use Gmail from any computer, UNIX, Linux,
Windows, or Mac, anywhere in the solar system where you can
go onto the net and open a browser. A lobby computer in a hotel
or hospital or old-folks home, or the one at the Contractor's desk
at the Home Depot is just fine.

You don't have to dump Yahoo, in order to use Gmail. You can still
be "That thilly yahoo", whenever you crave that warm and wet feeling,
but at least you will have reliable mail for the important stuff on the side.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the
intercom:
"Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their
cars so that we may begin ploughing."

Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "The twelve
hundred students who went to move 26 cars may now return to class."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Once a Week Cooking
There are no "leftovers" at our house! We prefer to call them
pre-planned meals. We buy meats on sale and I usually spend
a Sunday evening cooking. I often make meat loaves, barbecued
spare ribs and baked chicken. These are all proportioned to what
my husband and I will eat at one meal and then sealed in our
food saver bags.

Off to the freezer they go for whatever meal we want. For a working
gal it sure saves time preparing dinner. Just snip the corner of the
food saver bag and pop into the microwave. Open a can or two of
veggies or make a fresh salad and you have a quick and delicious
meal - real quick!
By MissMakeDo

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking
about a word his lover said.
After marriage, he'll fall asleep before his wife finishes talking.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch.
"We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said,
dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those
years."
"Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?"
"Well,  I outweighed him by fifty pounds."

»  Sea Photos

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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Restore Media Player

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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, January 28, 2010

of life's coming attractions.
--- Albert Einstein

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative
is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a
double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped
going to church. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many
years of faithful attendance, the pastor went to see him. He found
him in excellent health, so the pastor asked,
"Why after all these years don't we see you at services anymore?"

The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, reverend," he whispered.
"When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I
got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy
and I don't want to remind Him!"

Thanks to Len for this picture:

The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock,
whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors,
and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them.
"Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes
out of this drinking?"
"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss
the folks I shoot at."

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Whitney Alison Holte, 21, of Knoxville, Tennessee

Not a sugared donut
When officers pulled a 21-year-old Knoxville woman over on
Airport Highway in Alcoa early Thursday, she allegedly told
officers it was a powdered donut she was eating when they
came to the window.

But a field test on the substance indicated the white powder
she put in her mouth was not from a sugary pastry, but, rather,
was cocaine, according to an Alcoa police report.

Whitney Alison Holte was arrested and charged with possession
of a Schedule II substance with intent to sell or deliver and
three attachments for contempt; she was also cited with driving
on a suspended driver's license, driving without proof of insurance,
failure to maintain her lane of traffic and possession of drug
paraphernalia.

She was being held at the Blount County Jail in lieu of bonds
totaling $12,250 pending 1:30 p.m. Jan. 25 and 9 a.m. Jan. 28 hearings in Blount County General Sessions Court. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ed Re: MediaPlayer Dear Webby Somehow my media player got trashed. How do I restore it from the XP Set-up CD? Ed Dear Ed Don't. On the CD you have the 2000 or 2001 version, which is probably not safe to use these days. Just go to Media Player 11 and download it straight from Microsoft. That way you got the newest version. Have FUN! DearWebby My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better,....." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Over The Door Organizers For Crafts Keep your craft room organized with this over-the-door hanger made for shoes. It's perfect for keeping sharp things up high away from small hands. It also separates items nicely, and this one is clear so I can easily see where my items are located. It also saves a lot of space and is a less expensive version than a piece of furniture. By Ci Ci from Yakima, WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: A customer at Morris' Gourmet Deli marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Morris, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Morris replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only$4 apiece," says Morris.
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining
that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
"You didn't eat enough, " says Morris. The customer goes home with 20
more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really
angry.
"Hey, Morris," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for$2.
...You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Morris.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or
"'Putt' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want
it. 'Putt' means a klutzy but unsuccessful attempt to do the same thing."

»  Magma

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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More than one USB hard drive

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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, January 27, 2010

The problem with communication is the
illusion that is has occurred.
--- George Bernard Shaw

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life.
Laughing at someone else's can shorten it.
--- Cullen Hightower

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother, Mrs. Goldberg, he has
fallen in love and is going to get married. He says to his mother,
"Just for fun, Momma, tomorrow I'm going to bring three women to your
house to meet you, and you can try and guess which one I'm going to
marry."
Of course, Mrs. Goldberg agrees.
The next day he brings three beautiful women into his mother's house and
sits them all down on her couch. They chat for a while with Mrs. Goldberg,
who serves them coffee and pastries.
That evening, after the three women have left Mrs. Goldberg's home, the
son says, "Okay, Momma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."

You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
but your age gets mentioned when you stop laughing.

Thanks to dad for this picture:

This arm of an old cactus had to be broken off because it had
grown into the way of the door. To make it more eager to root,
dad laid it onto a shelf to let it dry out.
Then it bloomed!
He just stuck it onto an empty glass to prop it up for the
picture. You can see where it will shoot out roots the moment
it is put into dirt. The amazing part is that it ceated
"one last blossom", even though it had been broken off, and
was not getting any more water or nutrients.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Christopher L. Schaumburger, 20, Palm Bay, Florida

PALM HARBOR — By pedal boat and bicycle, a fleeing burglar
clad only in boxer shorts couldn't get away quite fast enough,
authorities say.

Pinellas County sheriff's deputies arrested Christopher L.
Schaumburger on Monday morning 200 yards offshore in
Lake Tarpon after witnesses said he burglarized two homes
on the 3000 block of Marian Drive.

"We've had suspects try to jump in the water before, but
never before have I seen a pedal boat used as a means of
escape," said sheriff's spokesman Thomas Nestor, who has
more than 23 years in law enforcement.

The Sheriff's Office says Schaumburger, 20, first broke into
the home of Mary Vogelsberg, who heard breaking glass
around 9 a.m. and found a pair of sunglasses on her windowsill.

She did not see anyone suspicious around. But not long after,
someone did.

Vogelsberg's neighbor, Nicholas Hammond, awoke to use the
bathroom and found Schaumburger, a transient, ransacking his
home, the arrest report said.

Deputies said that when Hammond confronted Schaumburger,
the man fled and jumped on a bicycle he had hidden a block
away. Hammond gave chase on foot and eventually caught up
with the fleeing suspect.

But Schaumburger was armed — with a pocket knife. Hammond
backed off and called authorities.

Deputies said Schaumburger fled down a street with a dead end
at Lake Tarpon. With nowhere to go, authorities said he hijacked
a docked pedal boat and tried to escape across the lake.

A Sheriff's Office helicopter was called in. According to the arrest
report, the helicopter crew reported that "there was a lone male
pedaling the boat dressed only in boxer shorts, and the boat
appeared to be taking on water."

Deputies enlisted the help of resident Robert Putnam, whose
pontoon boat was docked at the lake, to intercept Schaumburger.

Schaumburger was charged with armed burglary, aggravated
assault with a deadly weapon and attempted burglary of an
occupied dwelling. He is being held in the Pinellas County Jail
in lieu of $65,000 bail. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ilsa Re: More than one remote hard drive Dear Webby, I was told that you can't use more than one remote USB hard drive without really slowing down the computer and risking loosing all the data. Is that true? Ilsa Dear Ilsa Not true at all. Since you are not usually writing to two drives at the same time, it makes no difference. Just don't try to download different movies to different drives at the same time. There is no problem with the writing, but your Internet connection will really get bogged down. Have FUN! DearWebby A lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." "Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite because the electricity was cut off this morning." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Your Snow Shovel With Silicon Snow was sticking to my snow shovel until I coated the blade with silicon. The silicon spray I used was for my knitting machine but I've seen cheaper silicon spray at the hardware store. Now the snow doesn't stick. I like not having to lift the same snow more than once. By Holly from Holly, MI WD40 works as well, and so does ordinary spray-on cooking oil. For absolute highest performance lasting the longest, use a Molybdenum Mold Release spray. It produces a dry, waxy feeling surface, that does not attract dust when the shovel hangs in the shed. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: Daughter: Mom, Can I have some money for a new dress? Mother: Go ask your father, dear. You are getting married in a month and you need the practise. Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States and got shot for it." » USA State Lotteries ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 138 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 2.9 / 926 ) printing labels  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Tuesday, January 26, 2010 I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. --- Thomas Jefferson A wife and husband both talked in their sleep.She loved auctions; his hobby was golf. One night, the golfer yelled, "Fore!". His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter!" Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his 5 kids together to ask which one should have the present. "Who is the most obedient?" he asked. The children all stared back at him in silence. Then he asked, "Who never talks back to mother?" Again the kids appeared to be mystified by the question. Then Tom asked, "Who does everything she says?" With that question, the kids were finally able to come to a conclusion. The five small voices answered in unison, "Okay, dad, you get the toy." If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Field, London, England Robbers tried to use a cab for a getaway Two thieves that failed to plan ahead sufficiently were foiled when their getaway driver proved uncooperative during a raid on the Holyhead branch of Argos. David Field and an accomplice attempted to make their escape with two stolen TVs by the same cab that ferried them to then store. Having run inside and picked up two widescreen sets, they jumped into the back seat with another two accessories and told cabbie Darren Renton to “drive”. Unfortunately for the robbers, their unwilling partner in the crime told them: “Are you having a laugh?” “They really started to panic then, and started offering to make it worth my while, to pay me off,” said Mr Renton. “But I just told them to get out of the car.” Three of the thieves escaped when store staff got the two TVs out of the boot of the taxi, but Field was caught. Yesterday, Field pleaded guilty in court to the theft of a television worth £279 and was given a 12-month conditional discharge order, to run concurrently with a six-month order given for an earlier offence. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rosalie Re: printing labels Good Morning Webby: You start my mornings off with a good laugh each day. I need to know how to print labels for envelopes. It's getting difficult to write them all out for holidays, etc. What program is the easiest to learn? Thanks for your reply. Rosalie Dear Rosalie Open Office is free and has a very complete word processor included. It has step by step instructions included for everything from selecting the brand and type of label that you use, to merging address lists, even huge databases. Word Perfect, now part of Corel Office, is pretty smooth and slick too. Word Perfect got the envelope and label printing licked in the days when you still had to lick the labels, and an entire generation of office workers used nothing but Word Perfect for tasks like that. You can get OEM versions of Corel Office from OEM suppliers or on eBay fro$5 - $15. Have FUN! DearWebby An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is "gross" and the other is "cool." From the back of the room a voice called out, "So, what are these gross and cool words? Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Prepare for Tax Time Here are a few things I do to prepare for tax time. 1. Start only when feeling sharp, refreshed, and clear headed. If there are errors, it will only delay that return you need so badly. 2. Have a space where you can leave your papers and documents out for a day or two, and do not have to be gathered up for the evening meal. 3. Use the free tax services online instead of the expensive tax prep places. Even this old non-tax-savvy granny can do it. 4. Read the instructions on the site carefully. Mistakes can be made. Read your answers over carefully and double check your figures, even if you are sure you made no errors. You may be surprised to find that info you type often (name,soc. sec. # etc.) can have a typo because of haste. 5. If you get too frazzled, stop and take a break. A walk, cup of coffee, time with the family etc can give your brain a fresh jump-start. 6. Have a quiet environment to do your taxes in. Pets running, or kids playing loudly are not helpful to detailed work. 7. Have all your papers together before you even start. Searching for important stuff can break your concentration and cause some confusion. (Where was I now?) By Phyllis from Wisconsin Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: On a balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship spied smoke coming from one of three huts on an island they thought was deserted. Upon arriving at the shore they were met by a survivor. He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more than three years!" The captain of the ship replied, "But we saw THREE huts." The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another." "What about the THIRD hut?" asked the captain. "That's where I USED to go to church." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a bloody nose and a black eye. "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked. "No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake." » Waterfalls ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 205 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 2.9 / 445 ) Print list of files  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Monday, January 25, 2010 It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. --- James Thurber The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work. --- Harry Golden Thanks to Sandie for this story: A group of 40 years old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts and they can smoke without getting hassled. 10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also. 10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free. 10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator. 10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea since they have never been there before.. Thanks to Andy for this story: A census taker in a rural area of Mississippi went up to a farmhouse and knocked.. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages. She said, 'Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're thirty-two. And the twins, Mickey & Beth, they're twenty-six. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're twenty-four.' 'Hold on!' said the census taker, 'Did you get twins EVERY time?' The woman answered, 'Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nothin.' If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Ray Ekes, 30 in haines City, Florida Car thief playing Grand Theft Auto game when caught ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) - Sheriff's deputies in central Florida found a suspected car thief playing the "Grand Theft Auto" video game, and they later charged him with just that. Polk County deputies investigating the theft of a 1998 Dodge Durango arrested 30-year-old Michael Ray Ekes on Thursday. They found the SUV outside a Haines City home. Ekes was inside in the house, playing the popular video game. Ekes was charged with grand theft auto, burglary and drug possession. At the time of his arrest, he was out of jail on bond for another grand theft auto charge. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Edna Re: printable file list Dear Webby, I need to print the list of files in a directory, and want to do it without any fancy program. I am sure you have some little trick. By the way, I downloaded your "Open Command Line Here" patch for the file explorer from your tool box, and am not scared of the command line. Oh, I want the files sorted by date, but don't need the date or the file size, and I want the result in a file, that I can pick up with my spreadsheet. Edna Dear Edna That is quite easy from the command line. dir /O:D /b > files.txt the /O:D orders them by date, and the /b gives you a Bare format without dates and file size. The > directs the result to whatever file name you put after it. Have FUN! DearWebby "May I try on that dress in the window?" the gorgeous woman asked the manager of the designer boutique. "Go ahead," the manager replied. "Maybe it'll attract some business." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycle a Spiral Christmas Tree as a Trellis At Christmas one year, I bought one of those lighted spiral decoration trees. After a few years, it just didn't work. I was looking for a trellis for some plants, and guess what I used? The spiral frame made the flowering vine that grew up it, look like a tree in my yard. Everyone would ask what kind of tree it was. BC from Bloomingdale, MI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: It's official: Rap music does cause crime. Research shows that in over half the shootings that occur on the street, the gunman is aiming at the boombox. Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked The tourist was admiring the Native's necklace. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," he replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Actually", he replied, "here the alligator hunters get paid quite a bit more than the oyster cutters at the packing plant." » beautiful America ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 204 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 590 ) Can Spyware Doctor be trusted?  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Sunday, January 24, 2010 ---------------------------------- All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. --- Mark Twain Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for many years. --- Oscar Wilde Here is a delightful Classic: Terror Threat The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose". Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Canada is planning to set up a scale of threat levels after the hockey season is over.It's too cold for terrorists anyway. New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and rescue us". Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. When Kevin came home, his wife, Liz, was crying. "Your mother insulted me," Liz sobbed. "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" Kevin asked. "I know. But this morning a letter from her addressed to you and marked "Confidential" arrived. I opened it because I was curious." "And?" "At the end of the letter it said, 'PS. Dear Liz, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my Kevin.'" If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Justin Brown, 24,in Austin, Texas Conman 'posed as swimwear model A US conman allegedly posed as a stunning female model on the Internet to trick male admirers into sending him gifts and money. Police in Texas said Justin Brown, 24, masqueraded as jeans and swimwear model Bree Condon, 23, for two years. He posted a fake online profile on seekingmillionaire.com, 'the meeting place for wealthy and beautiful singles', reports the LA Times. Brown allegedly identified himself as 'Bree - just looking for Mr Right', with accompanying photos of the brunette cover girl. Police say he enticed rich suitors by sending them fake nude pictures, setting up web chats and even had intimate telephone conversations with his contingent of male fans, using his "very feminine voice". The admirers were charmed into sending gifts to 'Bree', including an iPhone and a small dog. One affluent doctor even handed over nearly £10,000. The scam was only uncovered after authorities, prompted by an investigator hired by the real Bree Condon, tracked Brown down to a budget motel room in Austin, Texas. Private investigator John Carbona said he was stunned to find out that the fraudster was a man. "I'd been talking to this person for three months," Mr Carbona said. "I'm telling you this guy has either had his gonads removed or he is talking through a voice synthesizer." Austin police are also investigating whether Brown also created a fake website for Condon, as well as Facebook and MySpace profiles in her name. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Aaron Re: PC-Tools Spyware Doctor Dear Webby, How safe is PC-Tools Spyware Doctor ? Can it be trusted? Aaron Dear Aaron No, it can not be trusted. It reports fake infections to sleaze you into buying/renewing, just like the lowest class of ransom-ware. I have observed that myself on the machine of a friend. If you have a trial version of it, UN-install it with the Add/Remove Programs in the Control Panel and get more legitimate Anti-malware program Like McAfee. Have FUN! DearWebby My forgetter's getting better . My rememberer is broke, It's seriously not a joke. It's driving me plumb rotten. (Author's name forgotten) Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Sandbox Sand in the Garden Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?" The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The whole rest of your life." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked This country is so full of opportunity. Where else can a woman hire another woman to do her housework so that she can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning woman leaves her child? » Toothpick Art ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 236 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 610 ) How to write bats?  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Saturday, January 23, 2010 The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. --- Maureen Murphy Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me." Two Cajun commercial fishermen, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux, went out in the Gulf fishing. They were gone a couple of months. On their return, they noticed a Taco Bell had been built while they were away. Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says "Sacri Bleu! Look it dat! You run over a fone pole an it takes 9 mons ta get Southern Bell ta put in a new pole an fix da fone. We go fish a bit, an dem Mexicans done come over here an build a whole telifone company!" If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Myesha Williams, 20, of Deland, Florida Robber complains about being shown on the news DELAND -- Two women suspected of robbing a beauty supply store showed up at the DeLand police station wanting to know why they were shown on news reports, a sheriff's spokesman said Tuesday night. "At 8 p.m. the two women in the video went to the DeLand police station saying they had seen themselves on the news and they wanted to know what is going on," sheriff's spokesman Brandon Haught said. A sheriff's deputy then escorted the women to the sheriff's District 2 Office and an investigator interviewed them, Haught said. It was determined that Myesha Williams, 20, was the one who robbed the store, Haught said. Williams was charged with strong arm robbery and retail theft, Haught said. The other woman, whose identity was not available late Tuesday night, was not charged because she had left the store when Williams confronted the store employee, he said. According to investigators, the women were in Isis Beauty Supply & Accessories on East New York Avenue on Friday at 5:31 p.m. when a worker saw the women look at hairpieces and suspected they might be shoplifting, Haught said. The worker confronted the two and one of the women walked toward the exit and left the store. But Williams headed to the cash register, said she had a gun and asked for money, Haught said. The suspects then left the store with an unknown amount of money and about$150 in beauty supplies, Haught said.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Benny
Re: How do you write bat files?

Dear Webby,
You mentioned turning that tedious command into a bat file.
How do you do that?
Benny

Dear Benny
Open a new plain text file with NoteMaid, Notepad or any plain text editor.
Save it as, for example, bat1.bat
and make sure that Notepad does not add .txt at the end of it.
Let's assume that you want to take the Read-Only attributes off
the files in C:\alpha\Eudora and it's sub-directories
In the file write

@echo off
echo working....
attrib  -R -S -H /S C:\Alpha\Eudora\*.*
pause
exit

Save that, and make a shortcut icon to it.
The "working..." tells you that it is working.
The pause asks you to hit any key before it closes.
In case there is a problem, like for example a typo in the name of
the directory, where you want to take the Read-Only, System,
and Hidden attributes off, that error will be shown above the
"Hit any key to contonue" message.

Once you have it working right, you can delete that line with the pause,
but until you get comfortable with bats, it's a good idea to

That's all there is to it. There are lots of commands like the attrib.
You can for example copyt all JPG files from one location to
another, or move them, etc. Just look up DOS commands

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Success is relative - the more success,
the more relatives.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Sandbox Sand in the Garden
When I was recently shopping at a well known kitchen ware shop,
I found the grater I wanted with a slightly bent handle. At the
checkout, I asked for the item to be discounted because of the
handle, and it was the only one. 10% was taken off the whole price.
I do this on a regular basis especially if the item is the last one or
there is any visible damage.

This is especially applicable if you are paying cash. Always be
extremely polite, remember they are doing you a favor. You'll be
surprised who will discount. My son who is in the military always
asks for the military discount and he gets it. Don't be afraid to ask
for the discount.
By Morganna from Anderson, IN

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ever have one of those days? Did you hear about the teacher who was
helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on? He asked for
help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots
still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked
up quite a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said,
"Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the
boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as
together they worked to get the boots back on- this time on the right feet.
He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,
"Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to.
Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then
said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."

She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to
wrestle the boots on his feet again. Finally that task was accomplished
He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
"Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long
time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and
glared at her. Finally she said,
"How soon do you need to know?"

»  Toothpick Art

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 183 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 975 )

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//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, January 22, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
---- Jane Wagner, (and Lily Tomlin)

The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful
--- Frederick Locker-Lampson

Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
--- Socratex

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks
and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman
speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak
and the neighbors listen.

Later the lawyers speak
and the judge listens.

During an arctic training exercise in Alaska intense cold played havoc with
vehicles and equipment. One harassed battery commander was trying to
cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He
was wondering what else could go wrong when the tent flap  opened and a
soldier rushed in to announce,
"Hey, captain, the northern lights are out!"
Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked,
"Well, go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the @#$% lights!" ---- With northern lights the phrase "the lights are out" goes back a lot farther than electric lights, and actually means "the northern lights have come out from behind the clouds, they are visible". If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Peter, the terror-pisser in Hamburg, Germany Terror Pisser Online: http://www.thelocal.de/society/20100116-24617.html A couple in Hamburg have finally got to the bottom of why the plants in their front garden keep turning brown and dying – their neighbour has been urinating on them at night. A years-long feud between the two families could now be finished, after the weed-upon couple confronted their urinating neighbour – dubbed the "terror-pisser" – with video evidence of his night-time activities. The Hamburger Morgenpost newspaper reported that Dieter and Rosemarie Friebel, who live in the Farmsen area of the city, had problems with plants in their front garden for years. “A hibiscus suddenly looked like it had been burned by the sun,” said Mrs Friebel. She kept buying and planting new plants, but they too soon succumbed to what she started to suspect was poisoned soil. The Friebels said they had long had problems with the family next door, particularly with excessive noise. A year ago Mrs Friebel saw the man, named only as Peter M., hit another car while parking his, and was called as a witness in a court case. “Since then he has not spoken to us at all,” she told the paper. The problems with her plants continued to be a mystery until she found a CD in the post. “One day we found a CD in our post box. A neighbour must have given it to us,” said Mr Friebel. “When we played it, we could not believe our eyes.” The paper said there were 12 short films, taken between October 28 and December 5 – all showing Peter M. leaving his house at night and urinating over their front garden. They confronted him with the evidence and he has apologised. “It makes me feel sick when I think how often I ran my fingers over the leaves and wondered where the liquid came from,” said Mrs Freibel. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Billie Re: Automatic Read Only after file transfers Dear Webby, Whenever I transfer files from the laptop to the home machine, I can't edit them. After a lot of cussing, I found that is because they are read only. While I CAN fix that, it is a nuisance. Is there a way around that? She-Billie Dear Billie That is just an ancient Microsoft bug that goes back to Windows 95. There is no permanent bugfix for it. You can either right-click the folder and take the Read-Only checkmark off, and hit APPLY, or you can go to the DOS command line, cd to that folder and type attrib -R -H /S * Naturally, you can also put that into a bat and make an icon for it. Have FUN! DearWebby A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term in latin, so that I can tell my wife." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Sandbox Sand in the Garden In the fall when we put things away, it was always "What do we do with the sand from the sandbox?" Well, I assess what areas of my veggie and flower garden soil needs some soil treatment and divide out the sand box to the garden needing it most. Many veggies grow better in sandier soil. Some flowers need better drainage. By Joyce from Benson, MN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: Ron has been telling his wife for 37 years that diamonds look tacky on younger women. So far, it has worked. Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any papers!" » Old Car Center ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 146 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3.1 / 846 ) Can't install SpyBot  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Wednesday, January 20, 2010 This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. --- Will Rogers The nickname that you deserve! ========================= If your Humor Letter is greeting you properly with your first name, then you can skip this paragraph. But if the line above reads "Good Morning Friend!" or is calling you some nickname that you don't really like any more, then hit REPLY and tell me what it should be. Go ahead and give yourself the name or nickname that you would like to be called by! I may be only the first one in the world to do so, but I will faithfully call you by that name every morning. What's the big deal you wonder ? Read what My-Lil-Empress wrote: ===From My-Lil-Empress Dear Dear Webby I wish I could tell you how grateful I am to you for keeping my husband and coach alive even though he died in an accident four years ago today. While everybody else calls me nicknames like "half-pint" and "evil-runt" and worse, Roy always called me "My-Lil-Empress" and in his eyes I was a real person, not just a half size. The more everybody else put me down, the more Roy always did things to build up my self confidence and make me feel good about myself. Giving me a subscription to the Humor Letter under the name that he used for me, that was one of those things. Even though he is long dead, every morning when the Humor Letter greets me with "Dear My-Lil-Empress !", it's Roy boosting me up, and even though I am only 4' 6", I walk tall ! Thanks Roy, and Thanks Webby! My-Lil-Empress=== Dear My-Lil-Empress It's real people like you who are the reason that I don't mind if the sky turns pink in the east before my previous day's shift is over, as long as the Humor Letter goes out. DearWebby The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Brandy will be setting the pace on our morning run.' With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Brandy was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Brandy will be driving the ambulance, that we might need for those who don't manage to stay ahead of me." Thanks to Sandie for this picture: If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shane Thomas Williams-Allen, 19, of Orlando, Florida Burglar tases and handcuffs himself TAVARES — Lake County authorities say they have a serial car burglar in custody, one who shocked himself with a Taser and put himself in handcuffs. Shane Thomas Williams-Allen of Orlando was arrested this week on multiple burglary and grand-theft counts, and the Lake County Sheriff's Office said he may be linked to as many as nine car burglaries around Clermont and Minneola. And one of the burglaries involved an unmarked Ocoee Police car, the Sheriff's Office said. Stolen from that car were a Taser, an expandable baton, handcuffs, a Glock handgun magazine, a digital camera and a digital recorder. Williams-Allen, 19, discharged the stolen Taser and shocked himself when he first discovered it, the investigation found. Last week, he accidentally locked himself up with the handcuffs and had to call authorities to set him free, according to his arrest report. Many of the other stolen items were recovered following his arrest. Williams-Allen is held on charges that include grand theft, burglary to a conveyance and armed burglary to a conveyance. He may face additional counts, Lake officials said. He later told investigators that he probably entered four or five cars, including one from which he took cameras and an iPod with a docking station, according to the report. He said others were involved in "car hopping," which he described as going around and pulling on car door handles. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Denjan Re:Can't install Spybot Hi Webby, I have tried twice to install Spybot and the first time I got almost to the end and it stalled and I can't ove or delete it from my screen.I decided to reinstall it and it gets to a certin spot and stalls and tell me to retry,abort or ingore which it does not recomend..How do I get the icon on my screen off.I uninstalled Spybot and that did'nt come off and now will not move or respond.I am stuck. Denjan Dear Denjan if the problem is not lack of space, run a good Anti-Virus program like McAfee and try to get rid of whatever is blocking Spybot-Search&Destroy. Have FUN! DearWebby A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always Be Polite and don't talk about private matters in public. At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose". And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom. When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?" "Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox. "Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out!" Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Tax Season Every January I set up a new manila folder and mark it with the year. Then every time I have a receipt or statement I need to save, I just put it in the folder. Come tax season all the paperwork is in one place. By Rebecca from Lancaster, NY With a computer it is even easier. However, if you want to do it manually, get a harmonica folder. Brand new, with 13 indexed folder size poly pouches, and a closure flap with carry handle, they are$10-$15, or a dollar at yard sales. That way you can write the category names on the colorful tabs and toss receipts into the proper category. If you need a receipt, you don't have to search through everything, but just that one category. You can hang them high with their carry handle, out of reach of kids but convenient for you. If you have a book keeper or accountant, ask them for the category names required in your particular case. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: Little Johnny's mother decided that he should get something 'practical' for his birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?" his mother suggested. Little Johnny thought that was a fine idea. "It's your account", his mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application." Little Johnny was doing fine until he came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, he put down 'Piggy'. Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked Jason was having a tough day and had stretched himself out on the couch to do a bit of what he thought to be well-deserved complaining and self-pitying. He moaned to his wife, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!" His wife, busily occupied with other things, hardly looked up at and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Jason. Can't be everybody. Some people don't know you." » Old Car Center ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 196 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 666 ) Audio Recorder  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Tuesday, January 19, 2010 You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty. --- Cecil Baxter Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty. --- Leo Rosten "My wooden leg was hurting me something fierce last night," complained Art. "That's impossible," said his neighbour, "How can a wooden leg hurt you?" Art replied, "My old lady hit me over the head with it a dozen times when I came home drunk." A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you would look trying to milk a bicycle!" Thanks to Sandie for this picture: There is a butterfly hiding in there! If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Jesse Johnson, 40, of Perry, Florida Driver with deputy behind him runs red light DESTIN -- A man sitting at a red light on Christmas Day turned left before the light changed, despite the fact that an Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office deputy was sitting behind him. The two were sitting at the light on U.S. Highway 98 and Matthew Blvd. The deputy initiated a traffic stop and found the driver, 40-year-old Charles Jesse Johnson of Perry, in the back seat. He had jumped in there when the vehicle came to a stop, according to his arrest report. The deputy checked the man's driving history and found out that his license had been revoked in June, and that he also had seven other suspensions and four other revocations. He was again charged with driving with a revoked license as a habitual traffic offender. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Arturas Re: Audio recorder Dear Webby; Any suggestions other than plain Googling for a free programme to record streaming music from the internet? I know you have addressed this in previous letters but I cannot find it in the four years of letters on my computer, didn't find where your archive is searchable for specific terms, did not see such a programme in your tools box. I tend too be leary of using any programme at random off the internet, which is why I am asking. Have fun, Arturas Dear Arturas I have used Audacity for years. It will record any sound, even from tele-seminars, conferences, Skype Voice Calls, Internet Radio, etc. You can even edit and delete boring portions of the recording. The archive searcher in the blog (archive) is near the bottom. The one near the top is for searching on the web. Have FUN! DearWebby An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 9:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!! Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Baby Bottle Nipple for Transferring Liquids When you need to transfer something from a larger bottle to a smaller one, I use an old baby bottle nipple. I cut the hole bigger and in most cases, the larger bottle opening fits in just right. Works every time! By Sandra from Salem OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: In the dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the resident assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, 'Those idiots actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!' It was then, that he realized, that "those idiots" had removed the drainpipe beneath the sink and turned the "U" shaped part of it to point just below his waistline. Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked A tourist parked his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?" "What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?" "Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. Guess I better find somebody more respectable and trustworthy." » Water Drop ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 208 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 2.9 / 174 ) Gross incompetence at Yahoo  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Monday, January 18, 2010 The road to hell is paved with adverbs. --- Stephen King Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. --- Thomas Szasz Monica N. wrote: "... I was wandering around the 'net recently, and GOSH! I found a whole bunch of PHILATELISTS. And then I discovered groups populated by THESPIANS and HOMO SAPIENS. And I found hundreds -- not dozens, but HUNDREDS -- of educational institutions funded by MY TAX DOLLARS... teaching people to MATRICULATE. We need to pass laws to control the Internet and protect our children!" Dwayne, his wife, and Dwayne's mother-in-law went camping. Dwayne's wife announced that her mother had been gone on her stroll in the woods way too long. So the two of them went looking for her. After a while they spotted a gigantic, ferocious grizzly bear squared off with the mother-in-law! Immediately the daughter said to her husband, in a frantic voice, "Dwayne you gotta do something, or there's gonna be trouble fer sure!" Dwayne calmly said, "Nah, those grizzllies are a lot tougher than they look. He'll live." A guy is driving along with his wife in their Cadillac, asked his wife: "Darling, if I lose all my money, will you still love me?" She answers: "of course I will, I will probably miss you too." Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Bike Riding OK Bike Riding NOT OK Above confusion does NOT apply to Mopeds Above confusion DOES apply to bridge. Apparently they have some confused bridges on bicycles in Sweden! If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mark Turner, 23, of Lower Bank Road, Fulwood, Preston, UK Man busted as he helped girlfriend out of trousers A man was nailed for drug possession after he went into the ladies loos to undo his girlfriend's trousers so she would not ruin her new nail varnish. Mark Turner, a jobless 23-year-old, of Lower Bank Road, Fulwood, Preston, pleaded guilty to illegal possession of cannabis. Blackpool magistrates decided the 18 hours he had spent in custody would serve in lieu of a £65 fine and ordered the drugs to be destroyed by someone other than him.. Philip Turner, prosecuting, said a police officer became suspicious when he saw Turner and a woman go into the ladies public toilets at Blackpool's Talbot Road bus station on Tuesday (January 12) at 4.15pm. The prosecutor added: "The officer followed them and knocked on the cubicle door. The defendant said he was helping his girlfriend." Turner was searched when he left the cubicle and two wraps of cannabis were found on him. Stephen Duffy, defending, said Turner and his girlfriend were waiting for a bus home when she had to go to the toilet. Mr Duffy added: "She had just had her nails done and was apparently unable to unfasten her trousers herself without damaging her new nail polish, so he accompanied her to assist her. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Randall Re: Incompetence at Yahoo Dear Webby; I have enjoyed receiving your newletter for a long time now and recently i wrote and told you i was having a problem with receiving it, well the problem has occured again.I sent some friends of mine a gift subscription and after that i havent gotten another issue of your fine newletters. I have contacted Yahoo and they said all of thier affairs are in order and for me to contact you and see if you could correct the problem for me.....I truly enjoy the articles and the tech help especially seeing how i am just now getting comfortable in this cyberworld of ours...... so please could you help out a big fan of yours out. thanks for any and all assistance. Randall Dear Randall The Taliban at Yahoo lied to you, again. Their affairs are NOT in order. You are not the only one whose subscriptions they fail to deliver. Judging by the feedback, Yahoo fails to deliver to more than half of their victims. The Humor Letter is sent out to you every night, however, once it has entered the Yahoo server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. Then it is strictly between them and you. The Humor letter jumps through all 20 Best Practises hoops: 1) Listed Sender ID, 2) Permanent IP address, 3) Proper SPF record, 4) Matching forward and reverse DNS, 5) Approved privacy policy, 6) Full contact information, 7) Strictly Double Opt-In, 8) Not on any blacklist, 9) Uses an IP address that has never been used for spamming, 10) Is family safe 11) Has live, same day response to replies, no auto-responders 12) Has an on-line copy that is top listed at Google AND Bing 13) Unsubscribe link at the bottom of every newsletter 14) More than 10 year history of compliance to Best Practises 15) Works fine with all competent mail services 16) Does not have any attachments 17) Does not burden email with embedded pictures or movies 18) Calls pictures from a properly identified server with matching forward and reverse DNS and SPF record 19) Does NOT send solo ads or ANY advertising mails to subscribers 20) Is listed with the Ezinefinder (http://ezinefinder.com) There is nothing more that I or anyone can do. You can try wasting more time arguing with the incompetent yahoos and tell them what they are full of, or you can get yourself a respectable address on the side. Gmail is free and reliable, and you can make basic filters. Have FUN! DearWebby Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor got rather upset that his word was doubted and yelled: "You just wait until the autopsy, then you will see that I was right." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thrifty Fabric for Homemade Clothing I have made shorts and blouses from a large bed sheet, also curtains, pillow cases etc. It's often cheaper than fabric from fabric store. You can make skirts from neck ties. Take them apart, press with steam or wet cloth, sew together. Put a zipper and a band on it, make a button hole, sew button on band. I also make shorts out of pant legs. Cut legs off as high up as you can (the crotch), remove seams. Press with wet cloth or steam iron, you are ready to cut shorts out Good luck. By Kathleen from Dothan, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: On vacation one year Joe went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from the resort to participate in a cattle drive. After watching 120 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, Joe rode up to the ranch-owner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and yappy dog. It's the noise that'll get the cattle to move." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked On vacation one year Joe went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch allowed guests from the resort to participate in a cattle drive for a mere$25.

After watching 120 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering,
Joe rode up to the ranch-owner and asked her how many cowboys it
normally takes to drive a herd of that size.

"One," she replied, "and yappy dog. They are not scared, but the
noise bothers cattle, and that'll get them to move."

»  Food Safety

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 255 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 572 )
Avast's Auto-Corrupt problem

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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, January 17, 2010

Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as
backing a winning candidate.
--- Mark B. Cohen

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.
--- Oscar Wilde

Before his daring escape from prison, an infamous criminal had
been photographed from four different angles.
The FBI sent copies of the pictures to police chiefs all across
the state, with orders to notify the FBI the moment an arrest

ambitious sheriff of a small town:
WHILE RESISTING ARREST."

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When
she saw her dad donning his good suit, she warned,
"Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that you always have a headache next morning after
wearing that suit!"

Thanks to Walter, the Stonecarver for this picture:

Ponti enlarging photo viewer, made in Venice, a few hundred
years ago. Photo Viewer

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to a Lebanese counterfeiter

$500 Tip Leads Police to$66 Million In Fake Bills
Malaysian police have arrested a Lebanese man
allegedly carrying fake currency with a face value of
$66 million after he tipped a hotel staff with a$500 note,
an official said Friday.

The largest U.S. note currently in wide circulation is a
$100 bill. But police found bundles of$1 million,
$100,000 and$500 notes in the man's hotel room in
Kuala Lumpur on Sunday, said Izany Abdul Ghany,
head of the city's commercial crime unit.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sharon
Re: Avast's auto-corrupt problem

Dear webby;
Thanks for getting back to me so quickly.
Here is what they suggest;

"Reinstall avast! completely, please. It seems to be the
easiest solution of the problem. Even if you did it before,
do it again this way, using the uninstall utility, please:

Uninstall the version of avast! that's currently installed
on your computer using our uninstall utility, that can
http://www.avast.com/eng/avast-uninstall-utility.html

Use it in safe mode of Windows - in this mode you don't
need to disable the self-defense module. Here you can
learn how to start Windows in safe mode:
http://www.pchell.com/support/safemode.shtml
After using that tool, restart your computer"

Do you think I should just go to the uninstall link here &
then maybe get a fee trail of McAfee & after that go back
to installing Avast again would be ok? This is the 1st time
in several years of having Avast I have encountered this.
I am leary of trying to use safe mode for staring up.
really can't affors to pay for a virus prigram just yet &
I have had avast for a long time. I know you recommend
McAfee.
Sharon

Dear Sharon
McAfee VirusScan is only about $30 a year! 2 - 3 hours baby-sitting. Personally, the only way I like babies is barbecued, with lots of onions. Normally, I am the one who keeps the hands in the pocket, when somebody thrusts a baby at me, and the one who asks them what kind of sound they make when they are dropped. But to get McAfee, I would cheerfully pretend for 2 - 3 hours, that I can babysit, if properly motivated. I would UN-install Avast in Safe mode, reboot to normal mode, get McAfee. and book another baby-sitting session for next January. Have FUN! DearWebby We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town. Early the next morning, our 3 1/2-year old ran into our bedroom to wake us up. I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to quit bothering us. About 20 minutes later, he came running back. "Mommy, Mommy," he exclaimed, "everybody here has doorbells.... ... and they all work." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dental Floss for Sturdy Buttons When my children were little, I used to secure buttons on their clothing with dental floss. There is no need to remove the button or existing thread. Just thread a needle with the floss and go through the shank or thread holes of the button once or even twice and tie it off. If it's a dark colored button, you can color the floss with a permanent marker to make it less noticeable. You can't break dental floss with your bare hands and the buttons will stay on until you want them off. This is especially helpful on coats/jackets and jean waistbands. No more lost buttons! Source: My Mom By Carol from TX Dental Floss works just fine for many types of sewing. When I lived in the bush in the Yukon, I used it for everything from sled dog harnesses to sewing leather knee and elbow patches on, tent repair, general mending, and of course buttons and zippers. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: A paramedic was asked on a local TV talk-show program: "What was your most unusual and challenging 911 call?" "Recently we got a call from that big white church at 11th and Walnut," the paramedic said. "A frantic usher was very concerned that during the sermon an elderly man passed out in a pew and appeared to be dead. The usher could find no pulse and there was no noticeable breathing." "What was so unusual and demanding about this particular call?" the interviewer asked. "Well," the paramedic said, "we carried out four guys before we found the one who was dead." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked Frantic Woman on phone: "Doctor, my Son just swallowed a nickel, and he's coughing up dimes. What do I do?!?" Doctor: "Keep feeding him Nickels!!!" » Wooly Nonsense ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 218 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 498 ) How to resize digital pictures  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Saturday, January 16, 2010 The gods too are fond of a joke. --- Aristotle If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld A motion to adjourn is always in order. --- Robert Heinlein An elderly couple were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Greg noticed something funny about Keli's ear and he said, "Keli, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Keli answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Greg, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I know why my farts sound so loud." My Grandmother is ninetyfive and still doesn't need glasses... She drinks straight out of the bottle. If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Maloy, 24 in Viera, Florida Peanutter VIERA, Fla. — A 24-year-old man who has peanuts to blame for leading police to him pleaded guilty Monday to a robbery charge. Michael Maloy was sentenced to three years in prison and five years probation by Brevard Circuit Court Judge David Dugan. Maloy was captured on video Sept. 9, 2009, walking into the Walgreens store while snacking on seasoned peanuts. He approached a female clerk and told her to give him money from the cash register, officials said. Maloy, who was unarmed, tossed his head back and put a handful of nuts into his mouth, allowing the store's surveillance cameras to capture his face, officials said. He then ran out of the store, spilling some of the munchies on the floor before fleeing, officials said. Police later collected the peanuts for potential DNA evidence linking the incident to Maloy, and when Maloy was caught, he still had peanuts in his pocket. An undisclosed amount of cash was taken during the robbery, officials said. "Here's someone who over the last year or two has shown a propensity for criminal behavior up to the point where he progressed to robbery, a violent crime," said Yvonne Martinez, spokeswoman for the Palm Bay Police Department. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Resizing pictures Dear Webby, Even though I've had a computer for about 15 years I call myself a self-taught illerate. I got the computer for email and to play games. I surf sometimes but don't use it for business. My question is about pictures. How do I make my digital camera pictures smaller to email? Right now the dimensions are 2048x1536 and are 1105K when I email one to myself. Isn't that to large to email several at a time? Can you help me please. And I love your vacation pictures and especially your Dad's pics. Carolyn Dear Carolyn For that you need a resizer or a graphics program. Resizers are just dumb. You put in the dimensions you want, and it will shrink the picture to that dimension. With a graphics program you can crop the picture. If the picture is for example 4000 x 3000 pixels, and you really just want the butterfly in the corner, and the result to be 640 x 480, then you use the cropping tool and stretch a 640x480 outline in that corner, and crop that. GIMP is probably the best of the free graphics tools. Paint Shop Pro from Corel is the most common among the paid ones, though Photoshop is pretty close, but a lot more expensive. Have FUN! DearWebby "Mummy, tomorrow I have an oral exam. One question the teacher will ask me is "who made you?" What shall I say?" asked Little Johnny. "Say God made you." replied his mother. The next day, when the question came up, poor Little Johnny forgot what his mother had said, so he explained, "Teacher, until yesterday I was sure it was my father who made me. But then my mother said it was someone else - but I can't remember who it was." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bagged Salads Bagged salad fixings are great, except they go bad so quickly due to excess moisture in the bag. To extend your salad greens' life, open the bag once you get home, place a paper towel inside and then close with a bag clip. The paper towel absorbs the extra moisture. This gives salad about an extra week. By Morganna from Anderson, IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony$18 bills would be in some small "hick town."
So, he got into his very expensive new luxury car
and off he went.

After driving for a while, he found a tiny town with a single
store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus
bills to the man behind the counter.

The store clerk looked at the $18 bill for a short time, then smiled and said to the man, "Ah reckon so, Mister. Ya want 2 nines or 3 sixes?" Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked "I'm ashamed of the way we live," a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job. "My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I'm just so ashamed." The husband rolled over on the couch. "You *should* be ashamed," he agreed. "Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a cent." » Painted feathers ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 132 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 659 ) Remove RightMedia malware  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Friday, January 15, 2010 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel. --- Franklin P. Adams The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives. --- Anthony Robbins: Thanks to Roland for this story: Doctor Bloom who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis had waiting room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and, amazingly, emerged within half an hour walking completely erect with her head held high. A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?" She answered, "Miracle, shmiracle, he gave me a longer cane." At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately she began flattering him outrageously. The guy liked the young lady, but was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch. He was amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage. "Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," she smiled. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the back of the bank where you have your account. I know all I need to know about you." Thanks to my dad for this picture. He DOES set a nice breakfast table. Too bad none of the ladies can keep up with him! If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Carolyn Paulsen-Riat, 33 of Olympia, Washington Support mailbox over quota OLYMPIA, Wash. — Court papers allege that an Olympia woman, angry that her husband left her, tampered with his power tools so that he received a powerful electric shock. Carolyn Paulsen-Riat was booked Friday into the Thurston County Jail for investigation of third-degree assault, domestic violence, and second-degree malicious mischief. A judge released the 33-year-old woman on her own recognizance. The Olympian newspaper reported that court documents said that on Jan. 1, the man was using a 220-volt table saw when he received the shock, knocking him to the ground. Thurston County sheriff's deputies said the man did not need to go to a hospital. In the documents, deputies said the woman told them she had reversed the wires on his power tools because she was angry he was leaving. The husband told detectives that Paulsen-Riat also had destroyed his vintage Da Vinci accordion, valued at about$5,000, and an
antique tool chest valued at about $3,000. A deputy seized Paulsen-Riat’s 9 mm semi-automatic pistol while investigators were at the residence. In most places tampering with the wiring like that is considered attempted first degree murder. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Infected by Rightmedia Hello Webby, After running Spybot today it said there is trouble with Right Media. What is that? I clicked fix troubles but wondered if Right Media is something serious. I enjoy your newsletter and appreciate all your help. Thanks, Carolyn Dear Carolyn Rightmedia is indeed a very wicked trojan. Usually Spyware-Search&Destroy can get rid of it. You may have to update it beforehand. If it doesn't get rid of it, try Super Anti-Spyware or Malwarebytes’ Anti-Malware. Have FUN! DearWebby Being able to turn your grandchildren into spoiled brats is God's reward for not killing your children. Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bargain Plants at Garden Centers Have a green thumb and a tight budget? I have found that if I go to garden centers in the big box home improvement stores on the day after their vendors go through the plants, I can find some real bargains. I have bought some puny plants that were in planters which cost more than the plant was reduced to! Generally all the plants need is a little water and some TLC. I bring them home, put them in a shady spot, and keep them well-watered for several days before planting them out. The stores usually have them on rolling carts toward the back of the garden section. If you don't see them, ask someone. The folks in the garden center are happy to show you to help get them out of there. Don't be afraid to ask if they will reduce something that is less than vibrant. A little clipping, plant fertilizer and watering can revive most annuals which are droopy. I have been doing this for several years and have lost very few plants. At the price I got them for, that didn't amount to much money. By Sandy from Elon, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: A first-grade girl came home from school. She was very happy, and her Mom noticed this. Mom asked, "What makes you so happy today?" The girl said, "Mom, we learned how to make babies in school today!" Thinking that first grade was a bit early for that, she asked her daughter to tell her how. "It's easy, Mom -- you just drop the 'y', and add 'i-e-s', " the daughter said. Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak?" The New Yorker said, "What the @#$%& is excuse me?"

»  Reynold's Wild West

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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Gmail Filters

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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, January 14, 2010

A painting in a museum hears more ridiculous opinions
than anything else in the world.
--- Edmond de Goncourt

To see what is in front of one's nose needs a constant struggle.
--- George Orwell

Miss Prissy was going over Melvin's records with his anxious parents.
On one page was the statement, "Melvin used fowl language today."
Mr. Messpot, hoping to put the teacher in a bad light, snickered,
"Ha! You spelled foul wrong."
Miss Prussy corrected, "No, I meant F-O-W-L.
Your precious child called me a 'dumb cluck' ."

Son: Why is Father singing to the baby so much tonight?
Mother: He is trying to sing her asleep.
Son: Well, If I were her, I'd pretend I was asleep.

Thanks to Lillemor for this pictrue from Finland

Sure reminds me of the Yukon, but doesn't really
make me homesick.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Sympatico.ca and BELL

Support mailbox over quota

This Message was undeliverable due to the following reason:
The user(s) account is temporarily over quota.
support@sympatico.ca
Reporting-MTA: dns; tomts21.bellnexxia.net
Arrival-Date: Wed, 13 Jan 2010 16:38:02 -0500
Original-Recipient: RFC822; support@sympatico.ca
Final-Recipient: RFC822; support@sympatico.ca

Sympatico has never been praised for reliability, but it must
be pretty bad these days, if even their support mailbox is
over quota.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Marlene

i have subscribed on hotmail, gmail both and your letter is
blocked most of the time so now i keep a link on the desktop
the voting favorites recently, i thought i could only vote for one,
so was voting every other day between you and ophelia.
now you both get voted for.
--
Marlene

Dear Marlene
With Gmail you can make a filter.
Click on Settings
Make Filter

In the filter, you can use the FROM field and put in
humor@webby.com
or the SUBJECT field. The subject line always starts with
Humor:
and has since 1994, to make it easy to automatically filter
it into a humor mailbox. In the early days, spam was not a
problem, but neat sorting was high on people's priority list.

For the Action select "Never send it to spam"

A lot of people use Gmail for filtering their mail. It does an
excellent job on that, and keeps a searchable archive of the
spam. Just make sure the spam doesn't get you over the
73 GB limit. Otherwise ALL mail stops.

Set Gmail to forward the (filtered) mail to a new ISP based
address, and tell your ISP to exclude it from any and all
filtering.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

She told me that they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Store Sewing Patterns in Ziplock Bags
I do a lot of sewing, using the same patterns over and over.
After a while, I've lost pieces, which drives me nuts! I finally
figured how to solve the problem. After I cut a pattern apart,
I put it in a ziploc bag, with it's envelope. I don't have to worry
about pieces slipping out if it's turned upside down, and it's
easy to store. Won't get torn or wet.
By crafty nanny from Hartwick, NY

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Children are natural mimics,
who act like their parents
despite every effort to teach them good manners.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A fellow who's just reached his 150th birthday was giving a press
conference to the assembled media.
"Excuse me, sir," one of the reporters said, "but how did you come to
live to 150?
"It's actually quite simple," the old fellow replied.
"I just never argue."
"That's impossible," the reporter responded.
"There must be something else, like diet, or meditation, or something.
Just not arguing won't keep you alive for 150 years!"
The old fellow shrugged his shoulders and said:
"Hmmm, could be you're right."

»  Snow Deep

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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How to re-install Windows

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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Personally I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
--- Sir Winston Churchill

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to
success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.
--- Albert Schweitzer

Thanks to Scooter for this:
My wife asked me what I was doing today, I told her "nothing".
She told me that’s what you did yesterday.
I told her, I’m not finished yet.

German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small
pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany
announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide
telephone network.

Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They
ordered their own scientists to dig too. 100 meters down, they found small
pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000

Scottish scientists were outraged. They dug 200 meters underground, but
found absolutely nothing. So they concluded that the bulge in the kilts
of the ancient Scotts 55,000 years ago, must have been cellphones.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Escobar, 40, Vasquez, 29, Ramos, 25 and

4 men arrested in botched Conroe jewelry store burglary
Police captured a band of burglars who made several mistakes
when they broke into a Conroe jewelry store Monday morning,
officials said.

The lookout man failed to disable the alarm system at Camillo's
Fine Jewelry, 2107 W. Davis. The suspected getaway driver was
found sleeping in his car, Conroe police said.

break-in. Officers converged on the store, covering the front and
back of the building. As the officers were checking the back of the
building, two men suddenly ran out the front door. They were arrested
about 100 yards away. A man believed to be the lookout also was
captured, authorities said.

Conroe police said the burglars cut a hole through the roof to
gain entry the store but tripped the still-operating alarm system.
The getaway driver was asleep in a 1998 Chevrolet Lumina less
than a mile away from the store when police arrived. Evidence
was found linking him to the break-in, authorities said.

Conroe police identified the suspects as Alberto Carlos
Escobar, 40; William Renee Vasquez, 29 ; Christian Javier
Ramos, 25, and Santos Orlando Machados-Chicas, 34.

They have been charged with burglary of a building and
engaging in organized criminal activity.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Joanne
Re: Can't re-install Windows

Dear Webby,
I have been a fan of yours for years and have used a lot of
the advice you have given.  Now I have a problem I hope you
can help me with.  My computer is so slow, takes about 15 or
20 minutes just to get it up and running.  I was told to reboot it.

I tried to put the original CD's in but it would not work.
Then someone told me I had to dump it all first, but wasn't
told how.  Can you help me.  I am to the point I don't want
to even use it as it is just too slow.  Thanks for any help
you can give me.
Joanne

Dear Joanne
either onto CDs, DVDs or onto the net. Don't bother backing up
programs. You have to re-install them anyway, but make sure
you print the registration numbers for every program that you
paid for!

To format and re-install Windows you first have to tell it
to consider the CD drive as the first choice of boot devices.

To do that you need to get into the BIOS Set-up.
When you turn it on, you first see a black screen with just
the message which Function key to press to get into the
setup. It shows that for only a second or so. The Support
at your computer maker can also tell you.

In the BIOS set the first boot device to the CD,
then put the Windows Set-Up CD into the drive,
and do a full power-off reboot.

Once you have done that and boot up with the Windows
Set-Up CD, it will ask you if you REALLY want to permanently
dump the mess on the hard drive.

When you tell it to go ahead, it does that.
Permanently. You can't undo that if you remember later, that
you forgot to back up your half finished tax return.

After formatting, it will install Windows and your computer
will again be just as fast as on the day you bought it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. When he
finally gets home, he starts tiptoeing up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs,
he falls over backwards. An empty pint bottle in his back pocket broke,
and carved up his buttocks.

A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he
checked himself out in the mirror and noticed the injury. He repaired the
damage as well as  he could under the circumstances and went to bed.

The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he
was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when
his wife came into the bedroom.
"Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?"
"I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers."
"A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered !"
"What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?" he asked.

"Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning
and found a bunch of Band-Aids stuck to the mirror."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

I recently got my annual raise and have been putting it into savings.
If i don't use it, it's like I never got it! A friend of mine read somewhere
(not sure where) that a person has been living on the same salary
for 10 years by doing this! So yes, it can be done!
By Donna from Northlake, TX

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The other night I was waiting for a date getting ready to go out. She sat
there and put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes,
mascara, toner, blush and lipstick and all kinds of stuff I don't even
know the names of, then turned to me and said,
"Does this look natural?"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

During a phone conversation, my niece mentioned that she was
taking a psychology course at university.
"Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family."
"No, no," she replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next
semester."

»  Edgar Mueller

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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Stop Taskbar from hiding under open windows

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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith

The great tragedy of Science - the slaying of a beautiful hypothesis
by an ugly fact.
--- Thomas H. Huxley
(Facts didn't stop Al Gore and the Algorian Sheep!)

An old Jewish woman has been invited to help screen a movie for the
rating it willl carry. The movie is a remake of a Roman Gladiator-type
movie.

In the middle of the movie is a scene where the Romans are feeding
people to the lions. The little old lady hits the buzzer she's been given,
which stops the movie.

The attendant comes down to her chair and says, "Yes, ma'am?"
"This movie should be rated 'R'," she says, "because those Jews
are being fed to the lions!"

The attendant says, "Ma'am, those are Christians, not Jews."

"Oh..... Ok. Well, start the movie up again."

A few minutes later she again presses the buzzer. The attendant
comes down to her chair. "Yes ma'am?"

She points to the screen. "Those lions over there...  they're not eating!"

A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country outhouse, had the
misfortune to fall through the opening and land in the muck at the bottom.
He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs.
The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens blaring as they
approached the privy.
"Where's the fire?" called the chief.
"No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole.
"But if I had yelled about what is down here, would you have
rescued me?"

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Richard Anthony Flores, 25, of Chandler, AZ

A Chandler man suspected of standing through his open
sunroof while speeding on Valley freeways has turned himself in.

Arizona Department of Public Safety officers arrested
25-year-old Richard Anthony Flores on suspicion of reckless
driving and criminal speed.

Flores was involved in three incidents on Valley freeways.
During the first incident on Nov. 6, Flores reportedly reached
90 mph in a 65 mph zone on the San Tan portion of the

In the other two incidents, Flores was captured on camera
driving his Volkswagen Passat while standing through his
sunroof. Those incidents occurred minutes apart on
Nov. 11 on westbound U.S. 60 near Mesa Drive, then
Alma School Road. Flores reached speeds of just under
80 mph, according to DPS.

is car insurance is expected to be higher than his car
payments for a long, long time.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Deeli

Dear Webby,
Had to reformat so lots of things are working differently now :-(
I'll adjust ;-) The one thing that's driving me crazy though is
that when I open email or Google they are completely full
screen and not on top of the task bar anymore (hiding the
task bar) :-( Is there any way to fix that or am I just stuck
with it ??? It's a pain in the butt to have to minimize when
several things are open and having to move them around
to find what I am looking for instead of being able to
directly minimize to the task bar :-(
Deeli

Dear Deeli
Click Start
check the Auto-hide the taskbar option if you wish to
enable this feature or uncheck this option to disable it.
Depending on your version it might be worded differently,
but meaning the same.

Like most things, this works easier and more predictably
in Classic mode than in Yuppie mode.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Joe sets Jim up to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Jim is a little
worried about going out with someone he's never seen before.
"What do I do if she's ugly and scary?"
says Jim, "I'll be stuck with her all night."
"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you
like what you see, then everything goes as planned.
If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack."

So that night, Jim knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is
awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the
girl suddenly shouts:
..."Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Keep Small Jars Organized in a Plastic Basket
I live alone and have a pretty small refrigerator. I bought
a little plastic basket from the dollar store and put all my
jams, jellies, etc. in it on the bottom shelf of my refrigerator.
It makes it a lot easier to find smaller items, just pull out
the basket and it's all there. It's just something I thought
up while cleaning out my refrigerator one day and found
jars here, there and everywhere.
By Barbara from Evington, VA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Marietta phones up her husband at work for a chat.
HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today."
HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you
dear."
HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the
good news."
HER "Well, the air bag works."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

One day a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a
nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty
breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a
lovely flower garden.

She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean
over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately
rush up to catch her and straighten her up.

Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to
the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring
her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting
to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating

It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

»  Windchill Factors

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



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how to uninstall Personal Security?

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//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, January 11, 2010

The Wizard of Oz is 70 years old.
Today, if Dorothy were to encounter
Men with no brains, no hearts, and no courage,
She wouldn't be in Oz.
She'd be in Congress.
--- David A. Sonntag

(When you re-tell this joke, you'll have to replace Kentucky and
Tennesee with the names of states in your area.)

On the border of Kentucky and Tennessee there's a small forest.
Half of the forest belongs to a Kentucky farmer, while the other
half belongs to a Tennessee man.

One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Tennessee man
comes across a wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his
house and calls his Kentucky neighbor.

"There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of
the forest."

"How do you know it's one of *our* wolves?" the Kentucky

"Well," the Tennessee man replied, "he's already chewed off
three of his legs and he's still trapped."

Sam made an appointment with a urologist, famous for his work
in the field of impotence. The doctor examined him and said,
"You're in remarkably good condition for a man of 85. Why
are you here?"

Sam replied, "My friend Max says he has sex twice a week.
I can't do that."

The doctor shrugged. "Yes you can. You can certainly SAY
you have sex as many times a week as you like."

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said:
"I don't like the looks of your wife at all."
"Me either doc." said the husband. "But she's a great cook
and really good with the kids."

Thanks to dad for this picture:

What is THAT?

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Steven Alan Locasio, 48, and Christine Locasio, 50,
in Marathon, Florida

Cops plant ransom note for pot plants
A marijuana grower thought his small crop was being held for
ransom after a suspicious note was left in place of his plants,
the Monroe County Sheriff's Office said.

"Thanks for the grow! You want them back? Call for the price … we'll talk,"
read the note left in place of the stash that was growing on a lot
near his apartment.

Unfortunately for Steven Alan Locasio, 48, the ransom note
was written by detectives, who arrested Locasio when he showed
up with $200 in exchange for the safe return of the pot plants. According to the Sheriff's Office, a resident called to report that the plants were growing in a wooded lot off of Coco Plum Drive in Marathon. Police found six plants, took them for evidence and left behind the note. Locasio called the number to arrange the exchange. He handed detectives the cash and they arrested him, the Sheriff's Office said. A search of his apartment turned up 20 more marijuana plants, several Oxycontin pills and$1,380 in cash.

Locasio and his wife, Christine Locasio, 50, were both charged
with cultivation of marijuana, possession of drug paraphernalia
and sale of marijuana.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Linda
Re: how to uninstall Personal Security?

Dear Webby,
Thanks,
Linda

Dear Linda
That is some wicked malware!
Considering the places, that you apparently have surfed to, you
really should get a reasonably decent anti virus program!

The removal instructions are here

Print them out and get a highlighter or crayon to mark off
each step.
Please note that at one point you are supposed to ignore the
on-screen istructions about rebooting, and at another spot you
are supposed to follow the instrucions.
So, don't try to memorize the instructions, print them out and
check off each step.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

While carpenters were working outside the old house a woman had just
bought, she busied myself with indoor cleaning. She had just finished
washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom.
With dismay she looked from his muddy boots to her newly scrubbed
floors. "Just a minute," She said, thinking of a quick solution.
"I'll put down some newspapers."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Thanks to Deeli for this update on yesterday's tip:
Here's something that might be helpful to you (or maybe not)
but you can get 100 tea light candles from Walgreen's Pharmacy
if you buy four packages of 25 for only $10.00 total ;-) They're two packs of 25 for$5.00 each, and they are even scented ;-)
My choice is Vanilla ;-)
Deeli

Thanks to Elsie for another update tip:
You better put a real or fake cactus onto those box sconces!
Cats just love jumping up on them to look down on their
servants. While that looks cute, when they are kittens,
an old, fat cat will eventually wreck the box and the candles
spill all over the place. Now each of ours have a nasty
looking cactus on them, and the cats don't even try to jump
up onto them from half way across the room.
Elsie

Use Plastic Coffee Containers for Paint Cans
This is one from my hubby. He has me keeping all of the 2 pound
plastic coffee containers with the handles on them for future use
in his shop. He builds houses and remodels them as well. He says
these containers are perfect for holding paint while working on a
house. He can hang on to it easily with the handle and they are
very sturdy.
By Julie C. from Liberty, NC

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A puzzled expression ran riot over Joanne's face.
"An ID ten T error?
What's that ... in case I need to fix it again??"

He gave her a grin... ;-) ... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T
error before?"

"No," replied Joanne.

"Write it down," he said, as he was walking away,
"and I think you'll figure it out."

(She wrote...) I D 1 0 T

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

What is THAT?
It is one of hundreds of benches along a scenic road. A ski lift
company upgraded from 4-seater chairs to six seaters, and
donated the old 4-seaters to be used as road side benches.
In sunshine they get quite toasty and comfortable inside.

»  Spehrical Photos

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your
favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and
greet you properly from then on.

If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend,
but don't have time to subscribe her or him,
just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you.

To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com

If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift
subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at
http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there.

If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,

You are currently subscribed with this address:

Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version:
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular version

Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version
UNSUBSCRIBE from the Large Font version

Unsubscribe from the plain text version:
UNSUBSCRIBE from the Text version

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter



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Is this letter from the bank a fake?

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, January 10, 2010

With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another.
--- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent,
hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two
percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them.
--- Lily Tomlin

At an annual Bosses Night dinner for Helena, Montana, lawyers,
sponsored by legal secretaries, it was time to announce the
Boss of the Year.

The master of ceremonies began: "First of all, our winner is a
some of you as candidates."

"Our winner also is a partner in a downtown Helena law firm.
That eliminates some more of you. "Our nominee is honest,
upright, dedicated..."

A voice from the audience cut in:
"Well, there go the rest of us!"

A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy
if he can spell 'before.'
He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R."
The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?"
Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R."
Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong."
Then the  teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?"
Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E."
"Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?"
Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own
business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and
--WHACK!!-- he knocks him off the bar stool and says,
"That was a karate chop from Korea."
The little guy thinks "GEEZ" but he gets back up on the stool and starts
drinking again when all of a sudden --WHACK-- the big dude knocks him
down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."

So the little guy has had enough of this so he leaves and is gone for an
hour or so and when comes back.
--WHACK!!!"-- He knocks the big dude off his stool and out cold!!!
The little guy looks at the bartender and says,
"When he comes to himself, tell him that was .......
a pipe wrench from Snap-On..

Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:

The fish find their work environment quite interesting.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to

Swiss court fines speeding millionaire $290,000 By The Associated Press ST. GALLEN, Switzerland (AP) - A Swiss court has slapped a wealthy speeder with a chalet-sized fine - a full$290,000.

Judges at the cantonal court in St. Gallen, in eastern Switzerland,
based the record-breaking fine on the speeder's estimated wealth
of over $20 million. A statement on the court's Web site says the driver - a repeat offender - drove up to 35 miles an hour (57 kilometers an hour) faster than the 50-mile-an-hour (80-kilometer-an-hour) in-town limit. Court clerk Heidi Baumann-Becker said Thursday the unidentified driver can appeal the decision, handed down in November, to the Swiss supreme court. (they usually just laugh at appealing speeders and charge them Supreme Court fees.) The Blick daily newspaper in Zurich reported the fine was more than twice the previous Swiss record of about$107,000.
-----
I grew up just across the Rhine from there, in Austria, and
everybody there knows that traffic violation fines are based on
the law breaker's estimated wealth. If you rent or lease an
expensive car, they will fine you, as if you owned it.
Keep that firmly in mind if you ever go there and rent a car.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Beth
Re:Is this letter from the bank a fake?

is this fake?
~ Beth

--- On Sat, 1/9/10, chasebank.com  wrote:
From: chasebank.com
To:
Date: Saturday, January 9, 2010, 2:27 PM
We have detected a slight error in your account information.
attached to this email and open it in a web browser.

Once opened, you will be provided with steps to protect your
account access.

Thank you !

*Chase-Bank-Team*

Dear Beth
Yes, totally fake.
Just dump it.
And dump that attached html file too,
without clicking on anything on it.
If you click on anything in it, the crooks own your computer.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide,
"Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?"
"The glaciers brought them down," said the guide.
"But where are the glaciers?"
"The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice,
"have gone back for more rocks."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Be Ready For A Nighttime Power Outage
We just had an hour long power outage (unexpected as it is 9 pm on a
cold winter night). I learned three things tonight that I want to share
(common sense but we all know that is not the way it works, LOL)

1. Make sure you KNOW where the candles ARE! it is easy to
think "oh sure, I know exactly where they are" (want to bet?) and,
during the day or when there is power by flipping the switch, it is
easy to find them. It is not so easy when there are no lights
(and damn it is BLACK) in here!

2. Make sure if you have pets (cats especially) that candles
are not a novelty when they are lit. I had 2 out of three tonight
who were determined that they had to stick their noses into the
flame (or thought that they should)

3. In a pinch, a small tin can makes a good candle snuffer
(something else I DO HAVE, but couldn't find it)

Have a good night.
By Cinnamon from Williams Lake, BC

In most households, flashlights are devices for holding dead batteries.

Don't fall for those shaker flashlights, unless you have spastic kids.
They are quite a nuissance, and by the time you have used them
long enough to find candles, you are ready to toss them for good.

You can buy rechargeable flashlights that sit in the charger, always

As for candles, the only ones that are really safe and useful are
"Tea Candles", the little candles in aluminum cupcake liners, used
by better restaurants to keep tear or food hot. They are dirt
cheap. At a restaurant supply store or over the net you can
usually get a bag of 100 for around $20. If you have frequent power outages, then it is a good idea to make a sconce (wall bracket). Just get a rectangular cookie or shortbread tin with a hinged lid and a piece of scrap wood or cardboard as a spacer between it and the wall, so that the lid can open. Attach it in a horizontal position, with the lid on top, and the hinge towards the wall. Keep your tea lights and a lighter in the tin. When needed, open the lid as a reflector and light multiplier, and light one or more of the tea lites. You will be surprised how much good and usable light you get! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: "Anni caught a Peeping Tom last night, and she'd have killed him if we hadn't stopped her," said Sam. "He must have made her very angry, peeking at her, huh?" replied his friend. "No, that's not what made her the maddest," Sam chuckled. "It's not?" asked the friend. "No, she got mad when he reached in the window and closed the curtains!" Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked From Cindy Sometimes, when I'm in class, I dream that I'm on a tropical island, with a dozen or more scantily clad females beside me, sitting under a huge palm tree, with some soft gentle music being played on some traditional wood instruments of that region, and a cool gentle breeze caressing my tanned body. I do all this while trying to forget I'm in a classroom. Of course, it would be so much easier without everyone yelling at me to wake up and teach. » Chevy Collection ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 120 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 457 ) Voting for more than one newsletter  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Saturday, January 9, 2010 A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves. --- Edward R. Murrow A nursery school teacher was telling her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said "I'm not free!" Taken aback by the boy's positive attitude, she said, "well, at your age I will admit that you are not allowed to do anything you want, but what I meant is that your family can do anything that is legal. Now, do you understand that you are free?" "No -- I'm NOT free," he said looking up defiantly, "I'm four!" "I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds. "I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time." The Father, passing through the son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whattya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!", replied the voice. "Just dump him on the front porch as usual, and we'll sober him up in the morning." Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Some people quite enjoy the end of the Gullible Warming ripple! If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ryan Densmore, 22, of Wallingford, Conn., and Travis McKeaveney, 23, of Middletown, Conn. Lost crooks asked police for directions BRANFORD, Conn. (UPI) -- Police in Connecticut said two thieves were arrested after stopping to ask a police officer for directions back to the highway. Branford police said Ryan Densmore, 22, of Wallingford, Conn., and Travis McKeaveney, 23, of Middletown, Conn., took eight catalytic converters from the parking lots of several automotive businesses in Branford before stopping at about 4 a.m. to ask a police officer for directions to Interstate 91, WTNH-TV, New Haven, Conn., reported. "As the pair drove away, Officer Eula noticed that the rear license plate of the vehicle Densmore was operating was covered with some sort of material," Sgt. Gregory Watrous said. "The officer became suspicious and stopped the vehicle as it entered I-95." Watrous said police found the catalytic converters in the car, along with metal cutting saws and blades. "I knew that we had a group of thieves taking these items, I just figured that that may have been a little better organized and more intelligent," Chief John DeCarlo said. "Some criminals never cease to amaze me." From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerry Re:Voting for more than one newsletter Hi Webby My Friend, Here's a question I've always have been wonderin' about... I vote for your page almost everyday from the EzlineFinder link... I then go to Ophelia Dingbatter's News page and read her daily humor and also "vote" for her page... I was just wondering if both votes count, due to the fact that after I vote for yours it will not let me vote again till after midnight... But I can still vote for her's ... Ya know what I mean, Do Both Votes Count ??? Thanks for keepin' us all in good sprites !!! ~~~~~Jerry~~~~~ Dear Jerry Yes, both votes count. If you simplify voting by registering, then you can click on FAVORITES in there, and add any number of newsletters to your Favorites. Then next time you come in to vote, it shows you the vote buttons for all your favorites, and you can click on them one after the other, all on the same page. AND, using that method, you don't have to worry about confirmation request emails. You take care of that by logging in. Since you can tell your browser to remember your log-in, that is no effort at all. Have FUN! DearWebby A mother was teaching her four-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail Amen. " Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cook for Other Families to Save Money To save money on groceries, you could find one or two families who you know are very busy and either eat out a lot or order in a lot. See if they would be interested in having you make meals for them. The key is they buy enough groceries to make enough for their family and yours. I find if you're making a meal anyways, it is very easy to double it. I personally make meals for two separate families. One family I will cook for two days a week and the second I will cook for the remaining three days, with the weekends being leftover days. Then on Fridays, I sit down and make up the menus for the coming week and the ingredient list for both families. They go buy the food and drop it off to me for the week. By Vicki from Nanaimo, B.C. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: I came across some notes from the days, when I was traveling around the Yukon a lot. Some were quite funny. From the granny in the "Scare North" parka (the stewardess): "They remembered to put the gas cap on today, so we won't be doing the usual circling back to the airport. Which is unfortunate, because they forgot to put the cap on the coffee thermos." And from the pilot during his message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... They will be on the next flight." One time in the 70s when they were still using their drafty see-through DC3 from Whitehorse to Dawson City, Dennis the pilot was in a serious looking conference with the stewardess and then came walking back, looking pointedly at the bright red toolcase on the floor between my feet and asked: "Does anybody by any chance have a 3/4" wrench?" I was on my way to fix a big generator and certainly did have all the wrenches with me. After I handed him a 3/4" wrench, he went back to the stewardess. She handed him a beer. In those days the beer still had crown-caps instead of screw-tops. He grabbed the bottle tighly around the neck with one hand, leveraged the wrench over his thumb and expertly popped the cap. Seems they had forgotten the bottle opener on that trip, and by the time we reached Dawson City the stewardess got pretty good at opening beer with a wrench. Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked Georgina likes sitting in the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought half a loaf of bread that had gone a bit moldy to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone. Then suddenly a man rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere, when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. After staring at him for a few seconds, she handed him the last chunk of bread and said: "Since you are so full of hot air and good advice, I'll let you take this to Africa" » Best time to buy ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 112 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 520 ) Voting Mystery  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Friday, January 8, 2010 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers. --- William James Confusion is always the most honest response. --- Marty Indik Thanks to Wendy for sending back this classic: Harry urgently needed a few days off work, but, He knew the Boss would not Allow me to take leave. He thought that maybe if he acted 'Crazy' then the boss would tell him to take a Few days off. He hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny Noises. Harry's co-worker who's blonde) asked him what he was doing. Harry told her that he was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think he was 'Crazy' and give him a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in The name of good GOD are you doing?' Harry told him that he was a light bulb. The Boss said, 'You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.' Harry jumped down and walked out of the office... When Harry's co-worker followed him, the Boss asked her, '...And Where do you think you're going?!' She said, 'I'm going home too. I can't work in the dark.' A Columbia lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep." The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up." Alex sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?" Elmer smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue." Alex said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern." "Yes, sure Alex, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got !" Some Policemen in Britain are having a riot on the shields. If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Augusta Cannon, 80 in Kansas City, MO 80-year-old plays Robin Hood, robs banks KANSAS CITY, Mo. (UPI) -- An 80-year-old Missouri man with a pellet gun said he robbed a bank and tried to hold up another so he could give away the money, court documents show. Retired railroad engineer Augusta Cannon was charged with attempted robbery of a U.S. Bank branch in Kansas City. U.S. Magistrate Judge Robert E. Larsen ordered him held without bond pending trial, The Kansas City Star reported. Cannon allegedly pointed a gun at the teller demanding money, but left when told the teller had none, the newspaper said. After his arrest Monday, Cannon allegedly told FBI investigators he had used the same pellet gun about 15 minutes after the attempted robbery to rob a UMB branch of about$8,700.

He said his motive for the robbery and robbery attempt was
to give the stolen money to underprivileged children, the
Star reported.

Bank employees said $,8,700 was taken in the robbery, but Cannon told police he had given away most of what he took. Cannon has not been charged in the alleged robbery and less than$1,000 was found at his home in a subsequent
search, police said.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Len
Re:Voting mystery

Good morning Webby
A curious question about the Ezine Finder voting system.

Today, they are showing 645. Is that right or even realistic?
Keep up the good work?
Len

Dear Len
The votes get zeroed for everybody on January 1,
and traditionally they mess up the first two-three days of
the year, then the vote count becomes realistic and
believable.

By the end of January those first two-three days won't
make any difference any more.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 12
if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror.
"There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 1 is my ex-wife, and if we were on
the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything."

Both were excused.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Your Swimming Pool as a Garden
We used to have a swimming pool. We did not like to swim or
spend so much money to keep the pool clean, it takes lots of
money and time to keep it clean. I suggested we have it filled
up with dirt so I could have a garden, We had it filled up,
I had a very pretty garden all the year, very good idea.
By Kathleen from Dothan, AL

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a
bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over. Bob
and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because
someone would surely come around by quitting time.
It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone. So, they
walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one
way down. On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile.

Bob says, "It's the only way down. I will go first." Bob jumped.
Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled,
"Hey Bob! How deep did you go?"
Bob yells back, "I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!"
Dan jumps and goes clear up to his neck in manure.
He says to Bob, "I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?"
Bob replies, "I did, but I landed head first!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

My friend's sister was to be married on short notice but still wanted an
elaborate wedding. The invitations were ready to be mailed when someone
noticed that there were no inserted cards inviting guests to the reception.

Undaunted, the mother of the bride typed up a note, made 280 copies and
enclosed one with each formal invitation.
Family and friends were surprised to read:
"Conception immediately following the ceremony in the grand Ballroom of
the Holiday Inn. Everyone is invited to participate in this memorable event."

»  Cold Comfort

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

`

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