Vista too slow and unstable

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, February 18, 2010

"A little government and a little luck are necessary in life,
but only a fool trusts either of them."
--- P. J. O'Rourke

You see, it's never the environment; it's never the events of our
lives, but the meaning we attach to the events — how we
interpret them — that shapes who we are today
and who we'll become tomorrow." — Tony Robbins:
You see, it's never the environment; it's never the events of our
lives, but the meaning we attach to the events — how we
interpret them — that shapes who we are today
and who we'll become tomorrow.
--- Tony Robbins:

A professor was one day walking along a very narrow
hall when he came face to face with a rival. The passage
way was too narrow for two to pass. The rival, pulling
himself up to his full height, said with a sneer, "I never
make way for fools!" Smiling, the gracious professor
stepped aside and with a bow replied, "I always do."

Woman 1: Did you get a new haircut?
Woman 2: Yes, I did. Thanks for noticing.
W1: Oh! That's so cute!
W2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure after my hairdresser gave me
the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?
W1: Oh no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but
I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I
think.
W2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could
easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I
was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would
accent my long neck.
W1: Oh, that's funny! I would love to have your neck!
W2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your
shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my
arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get
clothes to fit me so much easier.

MEANWHILE....
Man 1: Got your ears lowered ?
Man 2: Yeah, it's getting warmer outside.
Man 1: Sure is. Guess it's time to tune up the lawn mower.
Man 2: You get the beer, I'll bring the tools.

Thanks to Goldie for sending this picture:

Snow in Texas

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Kathy Franklin and Mickey Shalansky of Port St Lucie, Florida

The Tantrum Girl Chronicles
A Florida first grade student was briefly committed to a mental
health institution after police were twice called to her school this
week after she threw violent tantrums, which included the six-year-old
striking the school's principal, who is eight months pregnant, in the
stomach. According to the below St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office
reports, officers were first summoned to Parkway Elementary
School last Monday when Haley Franklin became out of control.
During an hour-long tantrum--which was apparently triggered
when the girl's teacher asked her to do something--the child
kicked walls and threw items (a calculator, electric pencil sharpener,
telephone, etc.) across the principal's office. The 37-pound offender,
was briefly handcuffed as a sheriff's deputy sought to get her under
control. The following day, when the child again caused a disruption,
which included throwing things and striking the principal, a sheriff's
deputy responded to the school and transported Haley to the
New Horizons mental health facility. A Florida state law (known as
the Baker Act) allows law enforcement personnel to involuntarily
commit individuals. Along with threatening to punch a deputy, the
girl called a school administrator "an old bat" and told the woman,
"I am going to go home and make a kick me sign and put it on

While Haley's parents acknowledge that their child has a temper
problem, they said she has no history of mental illness, and blasted
school officials and sheriff's deputies for overreacting. The sheriff's
report notes that, prior to last week's incidents, school officials
repeatedly sought to discuss Haley's behavior with her mother and
father. But the parents never showed up for the scheduled meetings.
Additionally, both parents were arrested last year for failing to appear
for a court-ordered truancy hearing about "their children not attending
school on a normal basis."

The complete police report at http://snipurl.com/haley1 shows that
it is the parents, Kathy Franklin and Mickey Shalansky of
Port St Lucie, Florida are the real problems and that society
would greatly benefit if that pair was thrown in jail and clued in.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rusty
Re: Continuous problems with Vista

I currently run Vista and continually have trouble with it working,
I run IE7 and it still locks up and is really slow, can you offer
any help

Thanks
rusty

Dear Rusty
That seems to be normal for Vista. That is why I don't
recommend it.

You can still buy XP, format the machine and install
XP on it.

A lot of junk machines were sold cheaply with Microsoft
subsidized Vista on them, just to boost the claimed
numbers of Vista machines in use, and with total disregard
for customer satisfaction.

Yes, XP IS still available. To make you hate Microsoft less
than your Government, and to hopefully make you forgive them
for shoving Vista at you so forcefully, the price of XP was
lowered. I just bought a couple for $89 each. If you need a good source for XP, hit reply and tell me. Don't feel too bad. After all, you didn't pay for Vista. It was included free, plus a generous price subsidy, to sell the machine, that you bought. An XP machine would have been$300 - $500 more expensive. Your only other alternative is to contact a local LUG (Linux User Group), find somebody there who is willing to be your coach, and install a free Linux OS. If the machine is for real work, not for goofing around, that is actually the best way to go. Have FUN! DearWebby While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "Really?" said the tourist. The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Glue and Fabric Paint Upside Down I store my fabric paint in a cardboard box from some pretzels. Keep the bottles stored upside down and they will be ready when you are. If they get clogged, use a paper clip to unclog the tube. Never waste a drop. I empty the last bit onto a plate and let me preschooler paint with a brush. She mixes her own colors and loves it! By Wendy from Coopersburg, PA The best place for storing glues and tube paints is in an old tackle box. Almost every yard sale has one available, but they are cheap enough even new. You can get fancy ones with swing-outs and drawers for under$10 brand new.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Bubba and Betty-Sue got married and were on their way to
Disney World for their honeymoon. When they got within 20
miles, Bubba put his hand on Betty-Sue's knee.
Betty-Sue told him: "Oh, darling, were are married now.
You can go further."
So, like the real red-neck he is, he put both hands on the
steering wheel, stomped down the accelerator,
and drove all the way to Miami.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A student from Texas A&M, a student from The University of
Texas, and a pig were in the hospital waiting room, each
awaiting the birth of his firstborn.

Suddenly, the lights went out.  Fortunately, power was
way to the waiting room.

"Good news and bad news, gentlemen and pig," she
announced. "Despite the electrical outage, two healthy
young boys and one healthy piglet have been delivered.
"However, since the lights went out at the most
inopportune time, we aren't sure which firstborn belongs
to whom.  The only way we know to resolve the problem
is to draw straws and have the winner choose first."

The three proud papas agreed, and the Longhorn won
the drawing.  He was escorted into the delivery room
and looked at the three newborns for a painstakingly
long time.  Finally, with head bowed, he scooped  up the
piglet and headed for the door.

"Sir, are you quite certain that you've made the right

"No, I'm not," replied the Longhorn.  "But I just couldn't
take the chance of choosing the Aggie."

»  Experience the Planets

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 195 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 325 )
When it is time to format and re-install

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, February 17, 2010

When they discover the center of the universe,
a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.
--- Bernard Bailey

Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars
are no happier than people with nine million dollars.
--- Hobart Brown

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to
be deemed a scholar.
--- Lao-Tzu

A generously endowed young lady at a major university often
got teased by her sorority sisters for being so top-heavy.
At a fraternity party, a young man asked her what she would like
to drink. "Diet soda, please," she replied.
"Oh, you must be the double D." he said.
The girl was furious, wondering which of her so-called friends
"And just what do you mean by that?" she snapped.
Surprised at her angry response, the young man meekly
-- the Designated Driver."

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to
report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a
description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark
eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is
soft-spoken, and is good to the children."

The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4,
chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."

The wife replied, "No, I don't want THAT one back.
I want the next one!"

Thanks to Kim for sending this picture:

Cincinnatti

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Kyle Sumrall, 26, of Reidsville, NC

Thief plants syringes for diversion
Henry County, VA -- Investigators in Henry County have connected
Kyle Sumrall to a case involving a needle in a bag of M&M's

Sumrall was charged on Monday with tampering with products at
an Eden Walmart.  Authorities there say he placed syringes in a
tube of meat and a box of Q-tips to distract employees while he
stole a vacuum.

Henry County deputies say that Sumrall was the same individual
that approached a clerk on Saturday at a Walgreens Drug Store
on Greenboro Road.    They say he showed the clerk a package
of M&M's with a needle stuck through it.

During an interview with detectives, Sumrall said he would take
an item from a business and put a needle in it.   He would take
the item to a store employee to divert their attention.   At the
same time, he said an accomplice would steal other store
merchandise.

Sumrall is being held on felony charges in Rockingham County
under a $500,000 bond. The district attorney in Henry County is reviewing the case to determine additional charges. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eileen Re: Time to format and re-install Hi Dear Webby. Sorry to be such a pest, but I asked you a few questions yesterday & you gave me good information on how to correct them. My problem is I can't come up with the pages you suggested. I'm wondering since the computer had to be completely restored, the person who did the back-up for me apparently missed some things. Would it be safe for me to install the original disk that came with the computer? I'm hoping to get everything back onto my computer that I'm now missing. Hope this makes sense to you. I'm trying to get help but so far have been unable to get someone. Many Thanks for all the help you have been to me. Eileen Dear Eileen Yes, personally I would 1) use the original XP Setup CD to format the machine and do a clean installation 2) Tell Windows to go fly a kite if it wants to update 3) install McAfee IMMEDIATELY 4) Get the IE7 and IE8 and SP3 blockers from the Tool Box 5) Get FireFox 6) Let Windows do an update, but in Custom mode, not Express, and make 100% sure that it does not slither SP3 in. Your machine most likely does not like SP3. After that, your machine will run as fast and smoothly as it did on the day you bought it. Have FUN! DearWebby In the mid 60's a US Navy cruiser put in to port in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner: "Dear Captain, Thursday, will be my daughter Melinda's coming of age party. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation and dance with lovely young ladies. One last point: No Jews - We don't like Jews." Sure enough, at 8 PM on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door which she opened to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, smiling BLACK officers. Her lower jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she stammered, "There must be some mistake." "Madam," said the first officer, "Captain Aaron Goldstein doesn't make mistakes." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cream of Chicken Soup to Thicken Broth When making chicken and noodles, I use a can of cream of chicken soup to the broth. I also use cream of chicken soup in my dressing, chicken and dumplings, anything using the chicken broth. It make it have body and thickening. I used this very often and my family and friends want to know what my secret is. By Pat from Harlem, GA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: From High School Exams: 1. Chemistry: Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. 2. Biology: The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u. 3. Sex Ed: To prevent contraception: wear a condominium. 4. First Aid: For drowning, climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration. Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked Al Capp, creator of the famous comic strip Lil Abner, was one day invited to a university to give a lecture to the students. Before he could begin speaking to the large group assembled in the auditorium, an unkempt-looking student at the back shouted a vulgar word at him. The word hung in the air as an uncomfortable silence lasted but a moment... Capp, keeping his cool, quipped, "Now that you've given us your name, what is your question?" » Giants of the wild ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 253 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 592 ) How to fix ActiveX problems  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Tuesday, February 16, 2010 I never vote for anyone; I always vote against. --- W. C. Fields You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence. --- Charles Austin Beard A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town, which he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bed clothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel, and if your dog will vouch for you, then you're welcome to stay here, too!" Marcy knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it you did, Marcy?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Five times a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, moved the little curtain in the confessional, took a good look at her, and said, "Marcy, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake." Thanks to Lynn for sending this picture: Amish Couple during this weeks snow storm. St. Mary's County MD If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nicholas Pontillo, 24, of Lake Villa, Illinois Man stole ambulance - and patient A US man has been arrested - after he stole an ambulance with a patient and paramedics still inside it. Nicholas Pontillo, 24, of Lake Villa, Illinois, took the vehicle for a joyride while drunk, according to police. The ambulance had been parked outside the Tyrol Bason skiing and snowboarding area near Mount Horeb, Wisconsin, reports WKOW TV. Pontillo alledgedly slipped into the cab while paramedics were treating a teenage skiier with an injured knee in the back. However, he didn't get very far - the vehicle's emergency brake was on so he ended up driving it around the car park, before eventually being arrested by sheriff's deputies. Dane County emergency management specialist Carrie Meier said the theft attempt may have been thwarted because the paramedics had followed procedure. "They had the emergency brake on. That's one thing we always do for safety reasons," she said. Tyrol Basin general manager Don McKay added: "It is a big deal when someone takes control of an emergency vehicle." Pontillo has been charged with vehicle theft and may also face a charge of drunk driving. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eileen Re: Active X Dear Webby, You have helped me before in getting larger text, but now I have several more questions to ask you. #1 -I can't open attachments since my computer had to be completely restored. It comes up "install active x" to open. Then my computer says to avoid if possible. Is it safe to install this without doing any harm? #2- I keep getting messages to install explorer 8. Is it safe to do that? #3- Is there an easy way to have the volume icon on the bottom right side of the messages page? It was always there until I had to completely restore everything. Many thanks for any easy help you may be able to give me. Love your site & look forward to it every day. Thanks for making my day better. Eileen Dear Eileen Active X controls are helper objects for Internet Eplorer, similar to training wheels on a kid's bicycle. They can be abused by malware and many people frown upon them. FireFox does not need them. However, if you don't want to upgrade to FireFox, you can get the fixes at http://snipurl.com/fix-activex Re IE8: Considering the security problems with it, I can't recommend it. You can use the IE8 blocker from my tool box at http://webby.com/tools re Volume control by the clock: Click on Start, Settings, Control Panel. Double Click on the Multimedia icon. In the ‘Playback’ area, make sure that the ‘Show volume control on the taskbar’ box has a checkmark in it. If it does not, put one in it and click on APPLY and then on OK. The icon should now appear on the taskbar near the clock. Have FUN! DearWebby "Your honor," a defense attorney began, "I have a series of witnesses that can testify that Mr. Johnson was nowhere near the scene of the crime when it occurred." The judge looked at the defense table and said, "This is the third time you've been in this court room this week, and I'm getting sick and tired of hearing your lies." The defendant stood up with a confused expression and said, "Your honor, you must be mistaken. I've never been here in my life." Waving his hand, the judge replied, "I was referring to your lawyer." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Money Rounding Checkbook Figures When I write a check, I make sure I write the real amount on the check, but in my checkbook register I round the figure up. When I deposit money into my account, I round the figure down. You will never, see or feel it. In 2 years it adds up big time and them some. By Laura from Spartanburg, S.C. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: John brought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As they arrived at the door his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately. "My goodness", said Peter, "and how long have you been married?" "22 years", replied John. "You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years." "Don't be fooled! She only does it to make the dog jealous." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked Grandma Jones from the valley had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn't take it kindly when a bad case of the mulligrubs sent her to the hospital for observation. By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about everything: the temperature, the lights, the skimpy gown, the food and the mattress - especially, the mattress. Suddenly, Grandma spotted a small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord. "What's that?" she demanded with great suspicion, suspecting it might be one of those sex toys the city folks talked about. "If you need anything in the middle of the night, Grandma," said one of the interns, "just press that button." "What does it do, ring a bell?" she asked. "No, it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse on duty," the intern replied. "A light in the hall?" responded Grandma. "Look, I'm the sick one around here. If the night nurse needs a light on in the hall, she can get up and switch it on herself." » Strange and interesting Pix ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 222 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 371 ) Computer goes on standby mysteriously  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Monday, February 15, 2010 Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. --- Ambrose Bierce Life is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as the headlights, but if you pay attention, you can make the whole trip that way. --- Socratex Dear Webby, Thank you for the humor letter, we all appreciate you and your hard work. Might be fun, but it's still hard work. I am writing to suggest that this might be a good time to rerun the joke about the folks that moved to Minnesota, and enjoyed the snow for awhile, but it got to be a real drag. I hope that was enough description, it was written as a diary. Thanks, Betty Dear Betty December 11, 2005 that Classic was requested by Rosie. So here it is again: =================== Dear Webby, a few years ago you had a hilarious diary of a snow shoveler. Have you still got it, and could please you print it again ? Rosie Sure, Rosie! Here it is: Diary of a Snow Shoveler: December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor. December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway And sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so. December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my rear end on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like you can't believe. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel. December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That dumb snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. December 21: Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crud fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the bathroom. By the time I got undressed, went, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I'm sure he is lying. December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying. December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a gun who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his ears. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that snowplow. December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the miserable slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to scream! December 26: Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze. December 28: Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE B***CH is driving me crazy!!!!! December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches of snow predicted. December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed? He said... "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!" She said..."No problem, I'll get you some that is." Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Broken taillight.jpg If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rafael Ramos, 54, in New York Police: Suspect impersonated Paul Simon NEW YORK (UPI) -- New York police said they arrested a man who allegedly tried to withdraw money from Paul Simon's bank account by impersonating the musician. Police sources said Rafael Ramos, 54, attempted to withdraw$4,300 from Simon's account at a Citibank branch Wednesday
using the recording artist's name, bank account number and
Social Security number, the New York Post reported Thursday.

However, the bank teller was familiar with Simon's work and
recognized that the 6-foot-1 Ramos was taller and years
younger than Simon.

Ramos fled the bank but was arrested a short time later.
Police said he was in possession of a forged driver's license
and credit card bearing Simon's name.

The suspect was charged with attempted larceny and hospitalized
for depression.

Simon told police he does not know Ramos and investigators said
they do not know how the suspect got the singer's private
information.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Katie
Re: Standby

Dear  Webby,
Can  you  tell  me how  to  stop  my  computer  from
going  into  'Stand by'   mode  on  its own?
I have it  marked  as  'never'  on  the properties  page.
That  doesn't  seem  to  make  a  difference.   When  it
does  this,   I   don’t  know  how  to  get it  started  again
except  to pull   the  plug  and  start  from  scratch.
Sincerely,
Katie

Dear Katie
Most likely your computer is overheating.
Turn it off but leave it plugged in so that it has a good
ground to conduct static away,
open it up, vacuum the dust bunnies out,
snap the duct off the processor heatsink and clean
the heat sink with Q-tips and rubbing alcohol or Windex.
Snap it all back together and it will run nice and cool
without going into heat exchaustion.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who
dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend
out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to
impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business.

"Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina.
"That 96' beauty belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch.
That one over there 104' is owned by the head of Goldman,
Sachs. And look at that huge 210' yacht out there. That's the
pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache."

His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and
saw a pained look on his face.

"I was just wondering," Morris said.
"Why aren't there any customers' yachts?"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Valentine's Day Tradition: A Home Cooked Meal
My husband has everything and is difficult to buy for. So, on
Valentine's Day every year, I make him a fancy,
multi-course meal that I research a couple weeks ahead
of time. I create a festive menu on my word processor
complete with cupid clip-art and fancy fonts one week
before V-Day. Then, I post the menu in an highly visible
location on the wall. Having the menu posted builds
anticipation and reminds us of the special night as it
grows near. Every year I'm surprised how this ritual
never grows old, and I'm just as excited to prepare it
as he is to eat it. This is undoubtedly is more special
than any bottle of after-shave, neck tie or wallet.
By Sara from Cape Cod, MA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

====From Marcy
The music on the postcards is not as loud as it used to be. You
must have turned down the volume if the Internet. Please correct
your mistakes immediately and turn up the Internet where it is
supposed to be so that I can hear it properly!
Marcy====

Hi Marcy
The volume control is in the little speaker icon on your task bar. If
that is turned up, check for the setting on your speakers, or if
there is maybe a short circuit between your earphones.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

We need some other words for "death."
The old ones are outdated.
It's trite to say,
"Ed's passed away."
Just say, "He's pearly-gated."

»  Cold Picking

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 217 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 334 )
Happy Valentines Day!

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, February 14, 2010

ability to stay with it longer than anyone else.
--- Brian Tracy

Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
--- Abraham Lincoln

Brass bands are all very well in their place -
outdoors and several miles away.
--- Sir Thomas Beecham

A soldier went up to the Company Cook and said, "If you put a lid on the
pan there'll be less dust and dirt in the food".
The cook, very annoyed, replied,
"That's right," said the soldier. "I am trying to defend it from being eaten."

A Bishop was approached one morning by a Priest.
"Your Eminence," the Priest said, "there's a young lad here who claims to
be seeing a vision of our Savior in the chapel. What should I do ?"
The Bishop jumped up saying, "Well, I don't know about you,
but I'm gonna look real busy !"

Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Anthony Minnick and Jessy Tuttle in Frederick, MD

Footprints in snow lead police to burglary suspects
Tracking footprints in the snow led to the arrest of two men
on charges including burglary and theft, according to the
Brunswick Police Department.

Officers were called to Jerry's Liquors on Petersville Road
about 3:15 a.m. Saturday for a burglary, police said. They
met with an employee who had stayed at the store overnight.
He told them he awoke to a noise and found a man in the store.
The glass front door had been broken.

While reviewing video surveillance, the officers saw the burglar
was a white man wearing a hooded sweatshirt, police said.
He had taken cigarettes and bottles of liquor.

While searching the area, officers found a broken liquor bottle
on Maple Avenue near City Hall, police said. Officers then
tracked shoeprints in the snow to an abandoned house in the
100 block of East Potomac Street. The shoeprints matched
those left at the store. Officers found Brunswick residents
Anthony Minnick and Jessy Tuttle inside the unlocked house
with cigarettes, liquor and a marijuana pipe.

Minnick and Tuttle have been charged with second-degree
burglary, trespassing, marijuana and drug possession, two
counts of theft less than $100, theft less than$1,000,
conspiracy to commit theft, destruction of property and
possession of burglary tools, police said.

About 11 a.m. Saturday, officers were called to Beans in
the Belfry on West Potomac Street for a burglary that
occurred during the overnight hours, police said. An
investigation revealed that items found at the abandoned

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Mark
Re: Olympic Coverage

Dear Webby, why do all the "official" Olympic sites insist
that you infect your machine with Microslop Silvercrap as
the cost of watching any videos?

I gave that Silvercrap another chance, but it is still just as
pathetic as the last time I un-installed it.
So I uninstalled it again. With FireFox that crap is definitely
NOT GOOD ENOUGH to be on my machine, and I am not
about to slum down to IE and all it's security problems.

Do you know of any sites that are not owned by Microslop
toadies and show videos that are not limited to Silvercrap?
Mark

Dear Mark
So far I have not found any really good sites that show
Olympic videos that are not crippled with the Silvercrap
ransom demand.

The official site http://www.vancouver2010.com has regular
videos, but so far it's just peripheral and background stuff,
featuring cheery but boring commentators, but no event clips.

If somebody does find a good site, please let me know.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first
time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated.
"Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this
work?"
The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button,
and operate the release handle.
"And where does the money come out?" I asked.
He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying,
"Usually at the ATM bank machine over there."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

No new tip at thriftyFun for today

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

There are four great religious truths:
1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian faith.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.
4.  Jehovah Witnesses do not recognize each other at a hooters
restaurant

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by
a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything
to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be
meaningless. At the same time he thinks this might be a good
omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an
eagle on this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be
worth another fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure.", and he makes an eagle.
On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win.
Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says,
"Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this
match?"

The golfer says, "Certainly!", and again he makes an eagle.
As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks
alongside and says, "You know, I've really not been fair with you
because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and from now on
you will have no sex life."

"Well," says the golfer. " I'm Father O'Malley, the Father O'Malley,
who lost his sexual equipment in the Korean war."

»  2010 Winter Olympics

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 196 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 361 )
Can't vote

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, February 13, 2010
One day until Guilt Day!
If you forget, you WILL be made to feel guilty.

Television is more interesting than people.
If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms.
--- Alan Corenk

A  teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour
thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment
that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
"Thou shall not kill."

The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah's Ark, so
the teacher decided to get her small pupils involved by playing a
game in which they identified animals.
"I'm going to describe something to you. Let's see if you can
guess what it is.
First: I'm furry with a bushy tail and I like to climb trees."

The children looked at her blankly.

"I also like to eat nuts, especially acorns."

No response. This wasn't going well at all!

Finally a kid volunteered:
"Well, I know the answer has to be Jesus --
but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"

Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for sending this picture:

Go away you silly cat!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Stephen M. Bosch, 36 in Lexington, Kentucky

Dopey Victim
A Lexington man was charged with trafficking marijuana Tuesday
after reporting that someone had stolen his drugs, according to
court documents.

Stephen M. Bosch, 36, told Lexington police an armed man had
forced his way into his apartment on Crosby Drive around
10:30 p.m. and took $180, according to police reports. While inside, officers noticed the smell of marijuana, and then Bosch admitted the man had also taken 101/2 grams of pot, the reports say. Police searched Bosch's residence and found another$225 in cash,
a digital scale, rolling papers and other paraphernalia and an additional
140 grams of marijuana, which had been hidden in the garbage,
the report says.

In addition to trafficking, Bosch is charged with tampering with
physical evidence and possession of drug paraphernalia. He was
released Wednesday from the Fayette County jail on 10 percent
of a $3,350 bond. Lt. Doug Pape said Lexington police are investigating the robbery. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helen Re: Can't vote I can't vote today. Something is wrong with your article today. Helen Dear Helen My article is just fine. The problem is at the Ezinefinder, a totally neutral company that is not hosted by us. That is quite common for most sites, as you probably have noticed with many of the Bonus Links. Have FUN! DearWebby Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Valentines this year he'd love to wake up on Valentines morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early on Valentines morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the links. The first guy says, "Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says " Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I patted my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, 'Take your sweater, looks like it might be windy out there'." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Valentine's Day Cookie Decorating Kit While my friend was recovering from hip surgery she was unable to bake and decorate Valentine's Day cookies with her granddaughter. Both of them were pretty disappointed. So I made up a batch of my sugar cookies, cut them into Valentine's shapes and baked them. I got a few containers of ready-to-spread frosting, food coloring, sprinkles and other toppings and packed them (carefully) in a festive container and delivered them to her. My friend was elated with the surprise of the care package I had put together, and the ability of partaking in the annual cookie decorating event that they always had together! This made their day, and mine! This idea can also be used for kids off to college, elderly folks, birthday gifts, housewarmings and more! By Shirley from Hastings, MI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: Joe: Why don't you play golf with Bob any more? Jeff: Would you play with someone who curses after each shot, cheats in the bunkers and enters false scores on his card? Joe: No! Jeff: Neither will Bob. Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked The West Texas farmer had been taken so many times by the local car dealer that when the dealer wanted to buy a$200 cow,
the farmer priced it to him like this:
Basic cow $200 Two-tone exterior$ 45
Extra stomach $75 Product storage compartment$ 60
Dispensing device, Four spigots @ $10 ea.$ 40
Genuine cowhide upholstery $125 Dual horns$ 15
Automatic fly swatter $35 __________ Total =$595

»  What a Squeak

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 207 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 589 )
McAfee versus a stak of free programs

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, February 12, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Most people ignore most poetry
because  most poetry ignores most people.

Never judge a book by its movie.
--- J. W. Eagan

All truth passes through three stages.
First, it is ridiculed.
Second, it is violently opposed.
Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
--- Arthur Schopenhauer

A man went to his lawyer and stated, "I would like to make a will
but I don't know exactly how to go about it."
The lawyer said, "No problem, leave it all to me."
The man looked somewhat upset as he said,
"Well, I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I'd like
to leave a little to my children, too!"

After being away on business, Clarence McDougal thought it
would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume fer me lass at home?" he asked the
cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. "That is a wee bit much," said Clarence. So the clerk returned with a smaller bottle for$30.00.
"That's still a wee bit much," Clarence groused.
Growing annoyed, the cosmetics clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 sample bottle. "What I mean," said Clarence, "is I would like to see something really cheap." So the clerk handed him a mirror. Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for sending this picture: If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Westley Strellis, 23, in Lilburn, Georgia Tougher than a TV FEBRUARY 11 . For unknown reasons, Westley Strellis, a Georgia man yesterday afternoon smashed 29 flat-screen televisions during a rampage at a Walmart in suburban Atlanta. After grabbing an Easton baseball bat from the store's sporting goods section, the 23-year-old Strellis strolled up an electronics department aisle bashing the TVs, according to a Lilburn Police Department report. Cops sought to question Strellis following his arrest, but he cited his Fifth Amendment right to not answer questions, so the motive for his vandalism-- which was captured on a store surveillance camera-- is unknown. The police report notes that the suspect was carrying a bottle of Effexor XR, a prescription medicine Strellis said, "that treats depression." The destroyed televisions are valued at about$22,887,
though Strellis's spree caused additional damage to
Walmart shelves, according to cops. Strellis was booked
into the Gwinnett County jail and charged with 29 counts
of criminal damage to property.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ron
Re: McAffee versus a stack of free programs

Hi Webby
you recommended a virus control I think McAffay If I go to
that can I get rid of Avast and Zone alarm and Spybot and
all the rest that clutters up my machine? I did buy the
Uniblue reg.cleaner butdo I need all of the rest?  How much
is it since SSI is not to liberal lately.
Thanks as always.
Ron

Dear Ron
Yes, if you have McAffee you can dump all those others,
except Uniblue. Keep that one.
McAffee is about $30 a year and well worth it. Have FUN! DearWebby I don't normally tell blonde jokes, but this one was sent to me by a beautiful blonde lady who obviously must know which jokes are OK, and which ones go too far. ------------ A plane is on its way on a non-stop flight from Los Angeles to New York when a blonde in coach gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down. The stewardess watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for coach and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm staying right here!" The stewardess goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blond bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in coach and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for coach, she will have to leave first class and return to her seat in coach. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm staying right here!" The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason. The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I have learned to speak blonde!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the coach section. The stewardess and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. "I told her first class wasn't going to New York. Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grow Larger Rose Blooms With Banana Peels I have roses growing on my back fence. Year before last my flowers were nice but small. Last year I remembered my grandmother adding banana peels in the dirt around her flowers. So early in the spring, I dug a trench around my bushes and buried banana peels about 6 to 8 inches from the plants. My flowers were much larger than before, and bloomed for a longer period. By Sharon from Van Buren, Arkansas Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: Little Johnny went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" Johnny's father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked There's a little boy at school and asks the teacher if he can go to the washroom. "Okay" says the teacher. "But first you've got to say the alphabet." They boy says the alphabet: "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z." and sits down. "What happened to the 'P'?" asked the teacher. "It's leaking out of my boots now." » Ancient Toy Shop ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 161 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 2.9 / 399 ) Erratic newsletter times  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Thursday, February 11, 2010 The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself. --- Sir Richard Francis Burton I have often regretted my speech, never my silence. --- Xenocrates (396-314 B.C.) One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for while and then said, "You must have been REALLY wicked to turn ALL of grandma's hairs white!" A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more. "And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked. "It is very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone. Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the collection plate." The very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and behold, the plates were full of 20 dollar bills. Now, the preacher did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried his mass hypnosis again. Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the chain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud thud and springs and parts flew everywhere. "Crap!" exclaimed the pastor. It took them a week to clean up the church. If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ian Stafford, 59, mayor of Preesall and Knott End in Lancashire, England Mayor gets prison for stealing lingerie PRESTON, England (UPI) -- The mayor of a small coastal town in northern England has been sentenced to two years in prison for stealing women's underwear. Ian Stafford, 59, mayor of Preesall and Knott End in Lancashire, pleaded guilty to four counts of breaking and entering, the Daily Mail reported. "I feel deeply ashamed at the whole scenario because I have hurt people who have been excellent friends -- I could not wish for better," Stafford said. "I wish I had said something to someone earlier. I am not proud of any of this, I am sickened. I wish I could turn the clock back." Stafford, a bachelor, worked as a handyman in Knott End-on-Sea, a small town on Morecambe Bay. He had keys to many of the houses in town. Investigators say he was caught on videotape stripped to the waist, taking underwear out of drawers and using it for sexual acts. Police said they found more than$1,000 worth of lingerie in his home,
some of it stored in bags labeled with the names of the original
owners.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Judy

Hi Webby,
Your newsletter is getting here earlier & earlier, not that I mind,
but then I don't get to read it in the a.m.
Thanks for doing such a good job.
Judy

Dear Judy
Yesterday I had to send it half a day early, before going to
the airport for flying home. I figured better early than late
or not at all.

It will be back in your morning mail as usual.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

From Mellie
Dear Webby, I was going through my emails when it occurred
to me that yours is the best of all of them. You have a little
something for everyone, but you also go the extra mile to help
people with the world of computers. The pictures are amazing,
and I really enjoy the pictures of your father's plants.

I just wanted to thank you for all your hard work and for you
to know it's appreciated.
Mellie :-)

Church Bloopers
This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north
ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
----
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and
they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Valentine's Day Letter
For those of you who may not feel "artistic", please consider
this unique Valentine's Day Gift: A Valentine's Day Letter.
Cut some 8x11 inch paper in half and fold into a booklet.
Name it "I love you for..."
On each subsequent page write one little memory, from
may add photos or memorabilia if you want! This even
helps remind YOU of how blessed you are! These type
of Valentine's letters to parents are especially nice!
Many times, they don't get the loving attention that they
once gave us and don't realize how precious their love
for us is in our memories! I did this for my parents
anniversary and after they passed on, found it amongst
their "saved possessions". I know it meant a lot to them
(and even more to me once I found it again many years
later.) Treasure each other! :
D By AHA! from Sterling, PA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two doctors are walking down the corridor of the hospital.
First doc asks, "Did you tell that politician in room 316 that he was
going to die?"
First doc says, "Darn! I wanted to tell him!"

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Two little boys are in a hospital laying on stretchers next to each
other outside of the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out,
and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that
done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake
up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!"

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision."

And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was
born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

»  Flight Photos

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 208 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 691 )
Sun dog picture

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no
matter how improbable, must be the truth.
--- Sherlock Holmes

Marcy went to her doctor with two very red ears.
The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she
"I was ironing a shirt and got a phone call. Instead of picking
up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to
my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But, what happened to your other ear?"

"The neighbor called called to ask what the screaming and

If you have amnesia and experience deja-vue at the same
time,  does that mean you feel like you've forgotten this stuff
before?

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Benjamin and Suzanne Grundy in Palouse, Washington

Can't grasp the concept of cheer leading
PALOUSE, Wash. (UPI) -- A male high school cheerleader in Washington
state says administrators discriminated against him by not
letting him perform the same routines as the girls.

Benjamin Grundy said he was told at the start of the year at
Garfield-Palouse High School in Palouse that he would be able
to participate in dance routines and other activities performed
by the female cheerleaders, only to be pressured later to wear
a mascot's uniform and barred from moving his legs or hips
while cheering, Spokane's KXLY-TV reported Wednesday.

Grundy's mother, Suzanne, said her letters to state officials,
the American Civil Liberties Union and other groups --
including KXLY -- pressured the school to give her son an
official cheer uniform and pompoms. However, she said she
does not consider the case closed and she wants further
measures taken, including seminars against discrimination
and reprimands for involved school officials.

"I think the combination of a biracial, mentally challenged
gay male may be too much for them," Suzanne Grundy said
of school officials.
----------
Apparently the school failed to 'splain to the weirdos,
that the purpose of cheer leading is to encourage spectators
to cheer for the team, and to attend the next game too,
NOT to encourage them to boo at an egotistical nut and his
wacky mommy. The booing can be done AFTER the game.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: NoFries
Re: SunDog picture

Thank you for the Daily Humor Letter.
It always has great advice, jokes and photos!
Today's photo is intriguing,  what is the halo effect ?
I enjoy taking mini trips around the world via your pictures .
I often wonder where they were taken and wonder if you
might give us a hint as to their location.
Many Thanks!
Nofries

Dear NoFries
The picture is from northern Alaska or Yukon,
and it shows "sun dogs". When there are ice crystals at high
altitudes, they act like the water drops that cause rainbows.
Because they are so far away, the dogs only make four spots,
not a bow. Because the sun is so low over the horizon, you
can't see the lower dog.

The reason the picture is so dark is because the camera
automatically dimmed down when pointed at the sun.
It's actually quite bright out when you see sun dogs.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Anni was summoned to court to appear as a witness
in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with,
"Where were you the night of August 24th?"
"Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!"
"Oh, that's okay," said Anni from the witness stand.
"I don't mind answering the question."
"I object!" the defense said again.
"No, really," said Anni. "I'll answer."
The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there
is no reason for the defense to object."
So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you
the night of August 24th?"
Anni replied brightly, "I don't know. "

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Safe and Friendly Drain Cleaner
To safely clean drains, I pour baking soda into the drain
followed by table salt. If the clog isn't bad, I just use cold
water to flush it down. If the clog is bad, you will need to use
boiling water. Since this will not harm pipes or the environment,
you can use this weekly to keep drains from becoming clogged.
By Kris from New Albany, IN

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An office reports that they have an answering machine that
instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to
spell any difficult words.
Early one Monday when the secretary was reviewing the weekend
messages, she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her
name and address and then confidently offer,
"MY difficult  word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Two guys were out walking their dogs, when one dog wanders
off to pee against the wall. Like dogs do, it raised it's leg and
started to do his thing.
The second dog then goes up and starts to go exactly where the
other dog did. But instead of raising his leg, he stood up on his
hind legs, put both front paws on the wall and relieved himself.

One guy says to the other, "Wow, how did you teach him to do it like that?"

The second man replies, "I didn't teach him. He's done it like that
ever since the toilet lid fell on him one time!"

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 185 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 382 )
Text is too small

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, February 9, 2010

All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
--- Sean O'Casey

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones
who will choose your rest home.
--- Phyllis Diller

The basketball coach stormed into the University President's office
and demanded a raise right then and there.
than the entire History department."
"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with,"
the coach blustered. "Look, I'll Give you an example."
The coach went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging
down the hallway.
"Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered.
Three minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath.
"You're not there, sir," he reported.
"Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the University President,
scratching his head. "I would have phoned first."

A man went to get his driver's license renewed. The line
inched along for almost an hour until the man finally got his
license. He inspected his photo for a moment and
commented to the clerk,
"I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty
grouchy in this picture."
The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," she
reassured the man. "That's how you're going to look when
the cops pull you over anyway."

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Roger Mayes, 49, of Pinson, Alabama

Can't cope with gas station
PINSON, Ala. (UPI) -- Police in Alabama said a man drove
his truck through a gas station's plate-glass window because
he was angry about a pre-pay-only pump.

County resident Roger Mayes, 49, was charged with attempted
murder, Jefferson County Chief Deputy Randy Christian said

Police said Mayes angrily stormed into the BP service station
convenience store in Pinson about 6:45 a.m. Sunday and
complained the pump he was trying to use was not turned
on, The Birmingham (Ala.) News reported Wednesday.

Christian said the service station had a pre-pay only system
because of too many pump-and-runs, and Mayes's pump had
not been turned on because he hadn't paid yet.
"You are going to die and go to hell," the chief deputy quoted
Mayes as telling the store clerk.

Investigators said Mayes left the store, got back into his 2001
Ford Explorer and drove the sport utility vehicle through the
window of the shop, crashing through the coffee counter and
cashier's counter.

"If the clerk had not jumped out the way, he would have run
over the clerk," Christian said.

Mayes was subdued with a stun gun after he attempted to
charge an arresting deputy, police said. He was charged
with attempted murder and resisting arrest and jailed on
$63,000 bond. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eileen Re: Text too small Dear Webby, I've read your site for quite a while & truly love it. I have a question I hope you can give an easy solution to. I lost use of my computer a few weeks ago & it had to be completely restored. That is done, but I'm trying to find out how to enlarge the text. Before it died on me, I had an icon allowing me to enlarge the text, but that is no longer there. Is there a way I can enlarge it on my own? Many thanks for any help you're able to give me. I am not too computer literate but am able to follow easy directions. Eileen Dear Eileen RIGHT Click on the desk top Properties Settings Advanced General and in there choose a larger or CUSTOM setting for the fonts. In a browser you can also usually hold down CTRL and roll the scroll wheel on the mouse to zoom font sizes. Have FUN! DearWebby The young teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked Morris, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 25 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 130 degrees, 15 minutes West longitude...?" After a confused silence and a glance at Google Earth, Morris replied, "I guess you'd be eating alone. That's halfway to Hawaii, and I can't swim." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Safe and Friendly Drain Cleaner To safely clean drains, I pour baking soda into the drain followed by table salt. If the clog isn't bad, I just use cold water to flush it down. If the clog is bad, you will need to use boiling water. Since this will not harm pipes or the environment, you can use this weekly to keep drains from becoming clogged. By Kris from New Albany, IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: Randy, was on a hunting trip up in West Virginia. He became rather cold and thirsty so decided to stop in at his Mother in law's place and ask for something to drink. She said, "You look really cold, how about a bowl of soup." There was a wee Vietnamese pig running around the kitchen, running up to Randy and giving him a great deal of attention.Randy commented, "That pig sure is friendly." Bill, his father in law replied: "Arnold's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked A study conducted by the American Psychiatric Association (ASA) today showed that over 40% of the practicing psychiatrists in the U.S. were themselves receiving psychiatric treatment of some kind. A spokeswoman for the ASA said the public should not be concerned, as the remainder were undergoing intensive drug-therapy. ----- You gotta be nuts to go see a shrink! (Beetle Bailey) » Lufthansa Virtual Pilot ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular version Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE from the Large Font version Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE from the Text version Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter  [ view entry ] ( 133 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3.1 / 206 ) Filtering spam from multiple addresses  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Monday, February 8, 2010 It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back. --- Mick Jagger If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants. --- Isaac Newton The class assignment was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Susie got up to read hers, "My brother was fighting with me, and he fell in the well last week..." she began. "Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Koop. "Is he all right now?" "He must be," said Little Susie. "He stopped yelling yesterday." The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, everybody else does, often long before you actually get around to doing it. If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 26 year old shoplifter in Riverton, Wyoming Dumbest shoplifter RIVERTON, Wyo. — Police say a man suspected of stealing a bottle of Schnapps from a Wyoming grocery store didn’t have the best escape route planned. Riverton police say the 26-year-old ran out of the store after grabbing the bottle of liquor and a package of cough drops Wednesday and hid in a nearby building, which happened to be the police station. Police say the man then ran out of the police station, but not before a dispatcher had spied him on the station’s surveillance camera and alerted officers. The man, who police say was drunk, was caught soon after. He was taken into custody on preliminary charges of resisting arrest and shoplifting. A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and unplugs the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dummy named you Moses?" "The same dummy who called his rottweiler Jesus." From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rosie Re: too many addresses to check Dear Webby I have a bunch of different addresses, so that if any one company sells my address, I can just dump that address. That works fairly well, but over the years, they have gotten onto various spam lists anyway. Is there a way I can weed out the spam on many addresses at the same time, or do I need to buy a spam protection program for each address? Rosie Dear Rosie With MailWasher you can check as many different addresses as you want all at the same time. They can be at totally different providers. Have FUN! DearWebby A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his check up, the doctor called his wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very serious disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be reasonably pleasant and try to get him into a good mood. For lunch, fix him something hot. For dinner, prepare something hot and fairly nutritious. For a while, don't burden him too much with unnecessary chores. Try not to discuss your stress about the house work and the soap operas too much when he is worrying about the family business, that would just make him feel worse. And most importantly, you must be intimate with your husband at least one day of every week. If you can do this for at least 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say to you?" "You're gonna die." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pledge Cleans More Than Wood If you look on the back of your Pledge bottle, you will see that Pledge not only polishes your wood, but is also great for cleaning stainless steel, leather, granite and marble. I love it, especially for my stainless steel appliances and leather couches. I've tried at least 5 different expensive stainless steel cleaners and pledge outshines them all! It gently cleans to leave a brilliant shine that resists fingerprints. I also use it on my leather couches and it works better than any of the expensive leather cleaners I used to use. Plus, as an added bonus, I have a lot more space in my cleaning cabinet now that 3 cleaners have been replace by 1. A win win win all around! By Christi from Lake Worth Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: (This one you have to read out loud) "Information? I need the number for Caseway Trasnport." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked Just saw a headline on the news ticker: "Scientists say English Foot and Mouth out of control" hmmm, I know some Irish who have been saying that for years! » Street Installations ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 727 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 703 ) DTX SDK license required  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Sunday, February 7, 2010 The shortest distance between two points is under construction. --- Noelie Altito One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation. --- Oscar Wilde Help! Help" cried the young woman as she ran up the steps of the police station. "An Irishman molested me!" How do you know he was Irish? inquired the sergeant at the desk. "I had to help him" she gasped. In a lot of Southern towns, the influence of the Baptist Church is felt in many different walks of life. For example, sexual relations between two unmarried adults is illegal. It seems, they felt, it might lead to dancing. Blue Heron baby If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David R. Small, 37, of Occum, Connecticut Dim Burglar NORWICH, Conn. - Norwich police have arrested a man with a long list of burglary convictions on arson and burglary charges in connection with a fire Wednesday morning at a vacant building in Occum. David R. Small, 37, is accused of stealing copper tubing from a vacant building and starting a small fire in the basement during the theft, police said. In an interview after his arrest, police said, Small admitted starting the fire because he needed light to see what he was doing. Police said Small went across the street to another vacant house in an attempt to steal more copper pipes but left when he didn’t find any. Small was arrested while leaving the area, police said. Angus was returning to Scotland after a year in exile and was met at the station by his two brothers Lorne and Neil. "Lorne!, Neil!, What did you grow beards for while I was away?" Lorne replied angrily "What do you expect? You took the razor blade with you!" From the Tech Support Pits: From: Catherine Re: DTX SDK license Hi Webby: thanks for all the good information you put out. Can you please tell me what the following is His came on my computer: You need a DTX SDK license! Never heard of it-have you? Thank You Catherine Dear Catherine One of your IE tool bars was created by using a free trial version of the DTX SDK programming kit. You have to get rid of that tool bar. 1. Open IE 2. Click on Tools 3. Click on Manage Add-ons 4. Click on Toolbars and Extensions 5. Click on each Toolbar listed to highlight and then click the disable button 6. Repeat number 5 until you have all of the toolbars disabled 7. Re-enable the toolbars one by one until you receive the error message. This will identify the toolbar with the problem 8. Leave the bad toolbar disabled, and write to the cheap parasites, who conned you into installing it. There is no need to be diplomatic about it. It's quite OK to use a free trial to see if that is indeed the program one wants, but most definitely NOT for producing commercial software. Have FUN! DearWebby Church Bulletin Board Bloopers: Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. ------------- The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy sinning to join the choir. ------------ The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility. ------------ The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." ----------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Banana Splits for Valentine's Day I started a tradition when my oldest son was 4 years old. Since our "sweethearts" are our children, we celebrate Valentine's Day by having banana splits for dinner! I make sure to have anything a person could desire for toppings. Our dining table looks just like a malt shop. (You should see the huge bowl of cherries that adorns the center of the table!) All with the benefit of having a fun intimate family meal, and the cost is the same or less than what we would have spent if we went to eat at an ice cream shop. And we get to keep the left over ingredients! Valentine's Day is the one time a year my children can look forward to eating dessert for dinner, just as they count on turkey for Thanksgiving. It's a treat we all love! Now, we have a brood of 15, 10 and 4. We've been celebrating Valentine's Day with banana splits for 11 years and my kids proclaim they will pass this family tradition down to their own children some day! By Jennifer from Hill Air Force Base, Utah Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: A popular blonde cheerleader bounced into the local card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk. "Do you have any, like, real special birthday cards?" she asked. "Yes, we do," he replied. "As a matter of fact, here's a new one. It's inscribed, "To the Man Who Was My First" "Wow, neat!" she squealed. "I'll take the whole box." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked A woman picked up a few items in the supermarket, then headed for the express line. The clerk had his back turned to her, so she said, "Excuse me. I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?" The clerk turned, looked her up and down and said, "Not bad looking at all, for your age." » Sand Sculptures ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 176 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 371 ) SD / SDHC confusion  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Saturday, February 6, 2010 Reality continues to ruin my life. --- Bill Watterson The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful --- Frederick Locker-Lampson Did you know that ..... In Seattle, Washington residents may not carry concealed weapons longer than six feet. "I presume, Mrs Murphy, you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" "Indeed I do, sir, it's a lock of my Dan's hair." "But your husband is still alive." "that he is," said she "but his hair is long gone!" OK, here are some more gators.Unfortunately, the setting sun was behind me, so the depth of the picture is not as good as I had tried to get. The big meanie on the right side wanted my camera or something, so I had to leave in a hurry. If you click on the picture, you'll get the 1024 x 768 size. If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Chiofalo, New York Deputy locked in dog cage after DUI stop It's hasta la pasta for the marijuana meatballs cop. A state appeals court has upheld the NYPD's firing of a veteran detective who blamed a failed drug test on his wife spiking his meatballs with pot. Anthony Chiofalo, a 22-year-veteran, challenged his 2006 termination by Commissioner Raymond Kelly, but the Appellate Division shot it down. The panel of judges agreed with Kelly that the high levels of marijuana found in Chiofalo's hair samples could not have come from accidentally ingesting the drug in food or from second-hand smoke. Chiofalo argued that the hair-sample test was not authorized by the NYPD's collective-bargaining agreement with his union. "The Court of Appeals has held that the Commissioner was empowered to choose the method of drug testing, and that choice was not subject to collective bargaining," the judges wrote in a decision made public Thursday. Chiofalo's wife, Catherine, smokes marijuana for back pain and admitted to investigators that she laced her husband's meatballs in hopes that he would be fired before getting killed on the job. Casey and Riley agreed to settle their dispute by a fight, and it was understood that whoever wanted to quit should say "Enough." Casey got Riley down and was hammering him unmercifully when Riley called out several times, "Enough!" As Casey paid no attention, but kept on administering punishment, a bystander said, "Why don't you let him up? Don't you hear him say that he's had enough?" "I do," says Casey, "but he's such a liar, you can't believe him." From the Tech Support Pits: From: Svend Re: SD versus SDHC chips Dear Webby, Thanks for your Humor Letter, I have been a subscriber for many a year now. Saw the piece about not being able to use SDHC cards in Canon Powershot cameras in your Humor Letter this morning. It must be in just some of the Powershot cameras, because my 2-year-old Powershot S5 IS uses SDHC cards just fine. And by the way, you can get those cards for about half price through many ebay dealers. This is how it looked at our place yesterday. See attached. Thanks again. Svend Dear Svend Yes, my Powershot is a S2 IS and a few years old. It turns out that cameras made before 2006 use the old DOS FAT16 format, which limits them to memory chips of less than 4 GB. Since 2006 they use the SDHC format, which is good for up to 32 GB, or SDXC, which is good for up to 2 TB. Using the cheap 2 GB chips is not really a problem, as long as one knows about the limit. Have FUN! DearWebby Two Irish mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first Irish mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him one heck of a big party." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Change Clothes in Dryer Before It Stops When doing laundry, remove clothing from the dryer before it stops on its own, and put the next load in. This way, the dryer doesn't cool down and then have to heat up again for each load. The clothes are dry by then, and if you get them folded right away, you won't need to worry about wrinkles. By Mary from Hummelstown, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: Maureen was feeling a bit ill, and not recovering from a night out anywhere near as fast as Paddy. So he sent her off to the doctor. She came back shortly with a puzzled frown and said: "Oh, Paddy, he wants a "Specimen", but fo the life o me I don't know if we have one or if we can affod t'buy one!" Paddy hemmed and hawed for a while, but couldn't figure it out either. So he finally suggested: "me lass, why don't you go upstairs and ask Maud O'Reilly, she used to work the streets in town and she'll know." So Maureen climbed up the stairs and knocked. Not a minute later, screaming and cussing and the noise of a ferocious fight echoed down the stairwell, soon followed by much banging and clatter as poor Maureen came tumbling down the stairs. As Paddy helped her up he asked her what happend. "Oh Paddy, she's so mean! All I did was ask her what a 'specimen' was, and she told me to 'piss in abottle'! So of course I told her to shit in a hat, and the fight was on." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife." » Zeppelin Eureka ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 98 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 387 ) Can you use SDHC chips instead of SD?  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Friday, February 5, 2010 Time to wear something red to show your support for the troops! I won't take my religion from any man who never works except with his mouth. --- Carl Sandburg If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect. --- Ted Turner Pierre from Montreal was in a hotel in Edmonton and phoned room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Noose pepper!" The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones." In the evening sun these two old gators in the Everglades looked blue! First time I have seen that. If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Samuel Monroe Bledsoe, 47 in Blountville, Tennessee Deputy locked in dog cage after DUI stop Feb 3, 3:38 PM (ET) BLOUNTVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - A Tennessee sheriff's deputy arrested on a drunken driving charge wound up in a dog house before he was taken to the big house. The Kingsport Times-News reported the details of a Tennessee Highway Patrol arrest report, which said 47-year-old Samuel Monroe Bledsoe was kicking the windows of a trooper's cruiser on his way to a hospital for a blood test. The report said Bledsoe was then locked inside the cruiser's K-9 cage for his safety. Trooper David Osborne said in the report that Bledsoe performed poorly during a field sobriety test - even after it was explained to Bledsoe 18 times. The Sullivan County Sheriff's Office later fired Bledsoe. Bledsoe was free Wednesday on$1,500 bond.

A married couple in New York's "Little Italy" went to
their Priest to discuss birth control, since they already
had five children. The husband inquired if perhaps
oral sex would be an acceptable substitute in the
eyes of the Church.

The Priest explained that it was still considered a sin
and   frowned upon by the church.
The wife spoke up fuming:
"Look Father, you no play-a da game,
you no make-a da rules."

From the Tech Support Pits:
From:Me
Re: Can SDHC memory chips be used instead of SD

Can SDHC memory chips be used in cameras instead of SD ?

Well today I found out the hard way, in Canon cameras
you can't. They fit in just like the SD chips, and I thought
I would take along a new 8 GB chip, because I knew the
2 GB chip was getting full.

Well, it fit in OK, but the Canon Powershot camera won't
have anything to do with it.

Emma, the friendly lady at CompUSA cheerfully exchanged
it for two 2 GB chips and some cash back.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed
several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin
designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the
pin signified.
"Nothing," she said with a smile.
"It's just to keep the doctors away."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Plant Veggies In Your Flower Bed
Even if you don't have garden space you can get a few homegrown
foods by adding a few choice vegetable plants to the scheme of
Good greens are lettuce, mustard, turnips, spinach, kale - curly or flat,
come in all shades of green, red, purple, yellow and black. You can
get cabbages in purple, red, bluish as well as green. If you get the
winter decorative cabbages they even come in pink!- and they're
still edible. You can grow beans as a great vine with flowers that
are purple or red. There is a super ornamental pepper with all
the hot colors, yellow, orange, and red, that covers the plant
with edible peppers. And of course my most favorite, tomatoes,
can be found in small or tall plants and the yellow, pink, red or
even white fruit. They all add just as much color and texture as
flowers but with the plus of produce.
By Trace from Wartburg

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A soldier was asked to report to the camp office for
assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage
of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered,
giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and
pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter

The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made
a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work
contained as many errors as possible.

The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance.
"That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow."

"But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective

The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test," he replied,
"when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A Southern preacher was using the new sound system of the
church for the first time and jerking the microphone cord along
never heard his voice amplyfied like that and was getting right
into the spirit of things and gesticulating just as wildly as he was
yelling into the microphone.

As he moved farther over to one side, he got wound up in the
cord and nearly tripped before jerking it free again. After
several circles and jerks, Little Johnny leaned toward his mother
and whispered, "If he gets loose, we better run!"

»  Zeppelin Eureka

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com


[ view entry ] ( 176 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 299 )
How do you assign 7 mouse functions?

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, February 4, 2010

As long as people will accept crap,
it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
--- Dick Cavett

A man will pay $2 for a$1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $3.99 for a$2 item that she
doesn't want but that is on sale.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change
but she does.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Ula Webb-Chambers, 40, of Gainesville, Florida

Pick it up so I can hit you again
A Gainesville woman is accused of hitting a former boyfriend
on the head with a tire iron and then ordering him to pick it
up so she could hit him again.

Ula Webb-Chambers, 40, of 2928 S.W. 39th Ave., was arrested
Wednesday afternoon on charges of aggravated domestic battery
and aggravated domestic assault.

According to an arrest report by Gainesville police Officer Shawn Barnes,
before separating earlier this month.

The man told police Webb-Chambers drove up to him near the
St. Francis House and began arguing with him over money. The man
said he began walking away but Webb-Chambers put her car into
reverse and accelerated as she drove backward toward him. He told
police he ran between two Dumpsters at the back of the homeless
shelter to avoid being hit.

The man said he tried to get away from Webb-Chambers by running
across the street toward a Gainesville fire station but Webb-Chambers
followed, taking a tire iron from the trunk of her car and running toward
him screaming things like, "I got something for you," and,

According to police, Webb-Chalmers caught up with the man about a
block away and hit him on the back of the head with the tire iron. The
man said Webb-Chambers then dropped the tire iron and screamed
at him, saying, "Pick that thing up so I can hit you again."

The man told police that he was dazed but able to get away and that a
friend picked him up and drove him to an area hospital.

In an arrest report, Barnes wrote that the man had a large bump on the
denied having an part in the incident.

Webb-Chambers was booked into the Alachua County jail.

A women goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner.
This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very
nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The
woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her
nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are
almost making her eyes water.

Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a
bit and lets out a dainty little fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot.
Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her
boyfriends father looked over at the dog that had been
snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern
voice, "Ginger!"

The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came
across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning
to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate.
She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Ginger!"
Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Great!"

A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip.
This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a
fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,
"dad gomit Ginger, get away from her before you smell like her!"

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sandie
Re: How do you utilize 7 mouse buttons?

Dear Webby
I got a new Logitech mouse, and it has seven functions.
What should I assign all those to?
Sandie

Dear Sandie
You can change those assignments any time, but here is how I
set them. The regular left and right clickers are best left
as they are.
3 Pushing the scroll wheel down I assign to double-click / Enter.
4 Thumb button: Back a page
5 Pinkie (right side) button: Forward a page
6 Tilting the scroll wheel LEFT: Copy
7 Tilting the scroll wheel RIGHT: Paste

With Microsoft mice the pinkie button is farther forward,
and you can use Thumb / Pinkie for copy / paste,
which seems more logical,
but with Logitech it is too far back and you WILL accidentally
activate it quite often. Accidentally jumping a page forward
is not a big deal, but accidentally pasting whatever has been
copied last, is a major nuisance.

Because the pinkie button on Logitech mice is so poorly
situated and much too trigger-happy, you might want to
assign it to do nothing at all. Otherwise you will do a lot
of cussing about an otherwise quite good mouse.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

To get acquainted with his new Parish, the Priest decided to
call on someone daily. One he selected was a young
widow, her husband, according to the index card, had died
two years ago.
After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady
with a baby in her arms.

He said, "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was
looking for the widow Laffitte."
"You've found her Father." smiled the lady.
"Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died
over two years ago." he said glancing at the baby in her
arms.
"That's correct Father, he surely did... but I didn't."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Photos to Make Greeting Cards
I have not bought a greeting card of any kind for more years than
I can remember. How easy it is to make all kinds of beautiful
cards with personalized photos from your own computer.
Print Shop is the software I began with but I have used
Print Artist for years. My grandchildren have made their
own school valentines using this program. I can't remember
the time they bought Valentine's cards for their friends. If
you are a photography buff many of your very own photos
can be easily inserted in your cards. And pick your own words
or special quote to insert inside the card. When you are
finished you will wonder why you ever spent money on those
store bought cards.
By Karen from Davis, CA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening
worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house.
Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled,
"Stop! Acts 2:38!"
(Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of
Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven).

As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly
called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly,
several officers arrived and took the man into custody.
As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the
"Why did you just stand there? Was it her Bible quote ?"
"Bible Quote???" screeched the burglar.
"She said she had an AXE and TWO 38's!

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple
decided that was enough, as they had no room in the
trailer for a larger bed.

So the husband went to his doctor/veterinarian and
told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to
have any more children. The doctor/veterinarian told
him that was a procedure called a vasectomy that could
fix the problem but that it was expensive.

A less costly alternative, said the
doctor/veterinarian, was to go home, get a cherry bomb
(fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in
a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count
to 10.

The Alabamian said to the doctor/veterinarian,
"I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I
don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next
to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home,
lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held
the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4,
5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can
between his legs, and resumed counting on his other
hand.

This procedure is aparently also approved in West Virginia and
Arkansas.

»  Tugs

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 122 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 372 )
Need more space fast

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem.
It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
--- Albert Einstein

Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.
--- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund
raising activity. One ambitious young man knocked on
a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked:
"What do you want, Sonny?"
"D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts,
"Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady
who would drink beer?" replied the lady.
vinegar bottles?"

Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff
photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when
it was learned that he recently performed a successful sight-
saving operation on the wife of the country's most
celebrated mural artist, who, in addition to paying the
doctor's usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of
his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the
doctor's waiting room.

The mural turned out to be an immense multicolored picture
of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect
miniature likeness of the good doctor himself.

While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded
around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter
drew the eye specialist aside and asked:

"Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction
on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an

"To tell the truth," the physician replied, "my first thought
was, thank goodness I'm not a hemorrhoid specialist!"

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Joshua Algers, 28, in Colorado Springs

Drunk dad told kids to bite officers
man arrested in a McDonald's play area told his young kids to
"bite the officers' faces off."

Colorado Springs Police said Joshua Algers, 28, was found
passed out drunk in a McDonald's play area at about 4 p.m.
Wednesday and officers placed him under arrest upon learning
there was a warrant out for his arrest, the Colorado Springs
Gazette reported.

Algers became aggressive when police called the mother of the
children to come pick them up, and then instructed the kids to
"bite the officers' faces off," a police report said.

The suspect resisted the officers and was subdued with a Taser,
police said.

He was arrested on suspicion of assaulting a police officer and
the original warrant, which officers did not specify.

A kid comes home from college. His father is a farmer, and
he's shoveling all the manure out of the outhouse onto the
strawberries to fertilize them.

The kid says, "Hey, Pop, learned in college there's an easy
way to do everything."
They go downtown and get some dynamite, they're gonna
rig it up under the outhouse and blow the solids into the
strawberry patch. They get it all rigged up, but they don't
see Grandma coming to use the outhouse. BaBooom!
The manure goes flying, and so does Grandma.
Ploop!...she lands in the strawberries. They go running up
to her... "Grandma, Grandma! My God, are you all right?
Are you all right?"
She says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Whoo! I'm certainly glad I didn't
let that one go in the kitchen!"

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Tunia
Re: Need more disk space

Dear Webby
I desperately need more disk space quickly. My daughter keeps
sending me pictures from her honeymoon, to keep for her, in
case the silly dingbat loses her camera again. I already
cleaned out anything that I think isn't absolutely necessary,
but she keeps sending more and more pictures every night.
Tunia. I tried an HP USB connected DVD burner last year,
but even the local computer shop could not get that to work
right.

Dear Tunia
You need a USB connected hard drive. You can get 1 TeraByte
(1000 GigaByte) drives in a USB enclosure for under $90 at Tiger, CompUSA, Walmart, BestBuy and many other places. They simply plug in and work. No fuss at all. Have FUN! DearWebby A woman was complaining to a policeman about the neighbor across the way. She took him up to her abode and pointing across the court said, "It's an outrage the way those nudists are carrying on in that apartment--I'm ashamed." The cop looked across the court and said, "I can't see anything going on in there." "Is that so?" she cried, "you just put this chair up on that dresser and stand on it! Take these binoculars and you'll see plenty." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Juice from Canned Fruit Save your juice from canned peaches. Freeze it in ice cube trays then when solid move over to a Ziploc bag and store in freezer. Use them in your glass instead of ice when drinking iced tea. It is good with any tea, but especially good with raspberry tea. By Mom from Missouri Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." Then a third child brought the argument to a close... "They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked "How long will it take to pull my tooth?" The patient asked the dentist. "Only two seconds" "How much will it cost?" "Fifty dollars." "For only two seconds of work?" "Well," The dentist answered coolly, "I can pull it very, very slowly and make it last an hour if you prefer." » Models of Yore ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 154 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3.1 / 167 ) How to test your Internet connection speed?  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Tuesday, February 2, 2010 There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say. --- Cyril Connolly The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease. Sometimes it gets replaced. --- Vic Gold Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music. --- Marcus Brigstocke The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of day are you having?" "Oh, mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is broken, I've not been able to get out of the house to shop, I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around. On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." "Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your eyes, and I'll be over in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll take care of the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George? Who's George?" "Why, that's your *husband*, dear." "Mom, I don't have a husband." "Is this 234-5678?" "Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The housewife paused, then got rather hysterical: "But, but, but, you're still going to come over and help me, aren't you?" "I hope you didn't take it personally, Pastor," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a kid." If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 43 year old robber in San Diego Robber calls police to complain about interruption SAN DIEGO — A man who was busy robbing his elderly victim Saturday became so upset when a bystander tried to break up the crime by punching the robber in the face, that he, the robber, called police to report an assault. Bad move. Once they put two and two together, police officers located the 83-year-old victim, who confirmed the crime, and arrested the 43-year-old man for suspected elder abuse and robbery, said San Diego police Officer David Stafford. Police were called at 4 p.m. to Akins Avenue at 62nd Street near a trolley station, where the robber had the elderly man pinned against a wall and was rifling through his pockets when the bystander interrupted the crime, Stafford said. No other information was available about the robber, or the 35-year-old man who came to the victim’s aid. In a test of emergency systems some boy scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds for a refill." Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Peggy Re: How do I find my Connection speed Dear Webby How do I find my connection speed on the computer I am using? Thank you, Peggy Dear Peggy Here are 3 free sites to test your connection speed: http://internetfrog.com/mypc/speedtest/ http://us.mcafee.com/root/speedometer/test_3000.asp http://www.pcpitstop.com/internet/bw.asp Have FUN! DearWebby The pastor was doing is weekly "children's message" with the children gathered around him down front. He was talking to the youngsters on their level about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?" "Heaven!" one of the girls cried out enthusiastically. "And what do you have to be to get there?" the preacher asked. "Dead!" yelled one of the boys. Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Simple Household Bookkeeping System I keep every receipt (utilities, grocery, medical, etc.) in a plain legal sized envelop labeled for the month (Example: Jan 09) until the end of the year. I keep them in a drawer with my bank statements. At the end of the year I have 12 legal envelopes the same size as my 12 bank statements. I bundle them with rubber bands. I begin a new check register each January 1, and stop with Dec. 31. I put the check register with the bundled envelopes. At the end of the year I store them in plastic totes. On the envelope I will write whether there are important receipts for items which could possibly need to be exchanged like a new appliance. I have done this for over 20 years. By Jeanne from Elysian Fields, TX While that is a paper keeping system, it is not really a bookkeeping system. Since you DO have access to a computer, you can use a simple spreadsheet. Spreadsheets are a LOT easier to use than you imagine. Label the cells in the first column with numbers starting with 0. There is a button for doing that automatically. Label the top cell to the right of it DATE. Label the top cells in the columns to the right of it with the categories you need for tax purposes, like Meds, or categories you want to track, like utilities, maintenance, groceries, etc., and a comment column at the end. Let's say your first receipt is for medication. Write a 1onto it's top corner, type the date from the receipt into the date column, and the amount on the same row but in the MEDS column, and a comment, if you want, on the same row in the comment column. One of the biggest advantages of a journal like that is that you not only can find any specific item fast, but that you SEE your expenses. You can spot trends. You can give each column a different color background, and use a different color font for different months. And yes, you most certainly can sub-total each month, and of course total each column at year end. My description may sound difficult and tedious at first reading, but it's actually really easy and even fun. I would be surprised, if you don't some day highlight a month and hit the GRAPH button. You can make a colorful pie chart showing how your money is used, or a line graph showing trends. "Hmmm, fuel expenses are creeping up. Will have to have a word with Junior!" Each category will have a different colored line and you can tell at a glance if there is a change. To find a receipt, you check the number in the first column, then dig out the receipt with that number in the top right corner. Doing the taxes is of course a lot less tedious if you have the yearly totals of each category at the bottom. And you can of course do the same with income. Spreadsheets like Calc (in Open Office), Quattro (in Corel Office), Excel (Microsoft), etc, are free or cheap. The only part that is difficult is getting started with them. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: George and Nancy get along just great, except that she's a "backseat driver" second to none. After years of putting up with her pestering, he finally decided he had enough and advised her that he would no longer drive with her in the car. Later that day, on his way home from doing some shopping at the mall, he heard his cell phone ring, just as he was merging onto a freeway. It was Nancy. By chance, she had entered the freeway right behind George. "Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And put on your lights; it's starting to rain." George did have the grace to say "Thank you!", before he tossed his last cell phone out the window. Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked » Harmony of colors ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 191 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3.1 / 374 ) How to install Spybot-Search&Destroy  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Monday, February 1, 2010 In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known. --- Thomas Pickering The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards. --- Arthur Koestler An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money." As an elderly lady was boarding the plane, she said to the flight attendant, "Do these things crash very often?" The attendant replied, "No -- just once!" If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jason Miles, 22 of Crestview, Florida "Man You Don't Know How Much Weed I Smoke" CRESTVIEW -- A man pulled over for failing to maintain a single lane and for speeding was arrested after telling police he had$2,000 worth of "weed" in his trunk.

The 25-year-old Crestview man was stopped Jan. 22 after a
Crestview Police Department officer noticed him speeding
on James Lee Blvd. The driver, Jason Miles, appeared nervous
and there was a strong odor of marijuana coming from inside
the truck, the officer noted.

When the officer asked him if there was anything illegal in
the truck, Miles said, "I got $2,000 worth of weed in the truck!" During a search, police found 110 grams of marijuana, two digital scales and a package of peach-flavored cigars. He was charged with possession of marijuana with intent to distribute and possession of paraphernalia. After being read his rights, Miles told police he only sold the marijuana on weekends because he was a full-time student during the week. He also said he sold some and kept some. "Man, you don't know how much weed I smoke," he told the officer. He has a March 2 court date. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty." From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hubcap Re: How do I install Spybot Dear Webby I would like to download Spybot search and destroy on my Vista home premium computer from you web site but don't know quite how to do it. Any help appreciated. Hubcap Dear Hubcap Just click on the Spybot-Search&Destroy button in the left side menu. Scroll down to where it says DOWNLOAD and click on the blue cube. That gets you to the Mirrors. Depending on your connection speed, pick the one closest to you. It will ask you where on your computer you want it. Most people are fanatic Easter Egg Hunters and tell it to put it ANYWHERE, and then go hunt for it later. I tell it to put it into E:\TOOLS\Spybot After it has downloaded, tell it to RUN. It will again ask you where you want the program to be set up. Again, tell it to do it in a place like E:\TOOLS\Spybot or let it go to the Windows default place at C:\Program Files\Miscellaneous\Stuff and Such\Programs\More Stuff\ In your case it probably makes little difference, since it produces a desktop icon anyway. When it finishes the installation, run it. It will show you what it found, and you can un-check stuff that you might want to keep, for example the cookies from your bank. Then hit the "Fix It" button, and it does. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby You are 100% Texan if you have ever had this conversation : "You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Set Up A Pet Care Savings Account I see a lot of requests for advice about sick pets from people unwilling or unable to go to the vet due to the expense. Here is what has worked for me. I have added pet care into my weekly budget. I started a savings account and each payday the amount I have determined I can afford goes directly into that account. I do not use it for anything except vet costs. It adds up quickly and I always have enough for at least a checkup in that account. Pets who receive regular checkups have less emergencies in the long run, as trouble can be detected before it is too late. We owe them nothing less. By Kelly from Portland, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly a woman in front turned around, slapped him and left in a huff. The little girl remarked, "That's okay, Daddy, I didn't like her either, she was stepping all over my toes. That's why I pinched her." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor.. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him and knocking their teeth out on the counter." » Awesome Footwear ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 240 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 642 ) Humor: Spybot  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Sunday, January 31, 2010 Spare no expense to save money on this one. --- Samuel Goldwyn Bureaucrats write memoranda both because they appear to be busy when they are writing and because the memos, once written, immediately become proof that they were busy. --- Charles Peters History is more or less bunk. --- Henry Ford A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ". "No,no, I mean are you lost ?" "No, I've been here thirty years." "I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?" "When is it ?" "It could be today or tomorrow ". "Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me know . My wife will probably want to go both days !" A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic up to that point anyway. They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the problem. Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them. Thanks to Sandie for this picture: under a Live Oak in Ft Myers, FL If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Douglas J. Koufman in Palm Beach MIAMI -- Authorities say a Miami man cleaned out his elderly mother's savings, worth over$800,000.

Douglas J. Koufman is charged with exploitation of an elderly
person or disabled adult for more than $100,000. The 57-year-old surrendered Tuesday at the Palm Beach County Jail and posted bail Wednesday. According to an affidavit by the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office, Koufman misappropriated at least$873,000 from his mother's trust fund.

His mother, Charlotte Koufman, is now 88 and suffers from dementia.

Records show the woman's trust contained over $2 million in July 2004. Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for their annual intelligence test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," he replies. The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday." From the Tech Support Pits: From: Johnny Re: Spybot Dear Webby Wish I knew about the Spyware two weeks ago. Had to shut my computer down until son could fix it. Johnny Dear Johnny It pays to look at the side menu in the Humor Letter every now and then. I have donated free space there for Spybot-Search&Destroy for 10 years now. Everything you see there is an "Essential" that we put on every Webby computer, before we let a user touch it. Have FUN! DearWebby Lucy went to college. However, she really worried her folks because all she ever wrote home about was boys and good times. Her mother decided to have a serious talk with Lucy when she came home for a weekend. The mother started out by saying, "Now, dear, if you are only going to college to find a husband, it certainly will be expensive shopping." "Yes, I know, Mom," said Lucy, "but what a supermarket." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Important Items In Dishwasher in an Emergency If you ever need to leave in a hurry because of a flood approaching, a good place to store important items (computer tower, pictures, etc.) is in your dishwasher. It has a watertight seal that will protect your items. You could also put items in your front loading clothes washer. It will not work with a top loader clothes washer. By Fred from Michigan Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked » Baby Birds ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 188 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 633 ) Short URLs  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Saturday, January 30, 2010 Life is not merely to be alive, but to be well. --- Marcus Valerius Martial An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. --- Alfred A. Knopf An inter-church gathering was well attended when someone suddenly cried "FIRE!" The Methodists gathered in a corner to pray. The Baptists hollered "Everyone in the water !" The Lutherans nailed a paper to the door declaring fire was evil. The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out in an orderly manner. The Unitarians concluded the fire had as much right to be there as anyone. The Christian Scientists agreed there really wasn't a fire. The 7th Day Adventists said it was "the vengeance of an angry God." The Presbyterians formed a committee to study the problem. The Catholics passed the plate to cover the damages. The janitor grabbed a fire extinguisher and put the fire out. Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by. They saw this old fellow sort of duck waddling down the street at a slow pace. The two students introduced themselves to the gentleman and told him that they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the old mans problem. One says, "my friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids, and I think you have a hernia." The old man said, "Well, I thought it was a going to be fart, but it looks like all three of us were wrong with our guessing." Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jessica Kathleen Alexander, 18, and Tammy Nicole Ortega, 29, from Telford, Tennessee 2 cheap Tennessee hookers jailed Two Telford, TN women have been arrested and charged with filing a false rape report. Washington County, TN investigators arrested Tammy Nicole Ortega, age 29, 255 Browning Road, Telford and Jessica Kathleen Alexander, age 18, 255 Browning Road, Telford. Both were charged with Filing a False Police Report. Both women claimed they went outside their residence to check on barking dogs and two men threw them down and started raping them. Both women later recanted, telling Sheriff’s investigators that the rapes did not happen. Ortega and Alexander stated they met a man on a telephone chat line, then offered to meet him and have sex in exchange for a pack of cigarettes. Police say the women met the male subject and did indeed trade sex for a pack of cigarettes. After the sex, the man left, and the women decided to file a police report claiming they were raped. Alexander later stated they filed the false police report because they didn’t enjoy the sex. Ortega was charged with an additional count of Filing a False Police Report from an incident in November of 2008, in which she reported a Vandalism/Arson to the front porch of her rented residence. Ortega stated she gave false information to Sheriff’s Deputies regarding the incident. The investigation is ongoing and more arrests are pending. Tammy Nicole Ortega is being held in the Washington County Detention Center on a$10,000.00 bond and is scheduled for arraignment in
Jonesborough Session Court on January 29, 2010 at 9:00am.

Jessica Kathleen Alexander is being held in the Washington County
Detention Center on a $5,000.00 bond and is scheduled for arraignment in Jonesborough Session Court on January 29, 2010 at 9:00am From the Tech Support Pits: From: Annabel Re: Short URLs Dear Webby Sometimes you use some very short URLs for links. How do you get those? I realize that some yahoos are griping and sniveling about them, and call them "cloaking" and deceiving, but I sure prefer the shorter ones. Annabel Dear Annabel Depending on the browser and version of subscription a subscriber has, a long URL can really mess up the formatting. Whenever a URL is longer than an average line, I shorten it. You can go to http://snipurl.com, or similar sites, and paste the long URL. They shorten it down for you.It is a free service. Have FUN! DearWebby A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead dinosaur with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked: "Did you kill that?". The pigmy said "Yes." The hunter asked "How could a little guy like you kill a huge beast like that?" Said the pigmy: "With my club." The astonished hunter asked: "How big is your club?" The pigmy replied: "There's about 60 of us." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse the Plastic Bags You Already Have Instead of buying re-usable bags for your purchases, save and re-use the plastic bags that you already have at home. I bought the re-usable ones, and found that I did not have enough of them. I buy a lot of groceries at a time, and just simply did not have enough bags. Buying as many as I needed was a cost factor; plus, I always wound up not having them in the car, which totally defeated the purpose in the first place. Then I thought of just keeping the plastic bags that I already had, in the car. Takes up far less space, didn't cost me anything, and I have lots more of them. By Carole from Locust Fork, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a attractive young woman asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk." That's fine," replied the woman. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old woman standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled. Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked An IRS man asks a farmer, "How much is your prize bull worth?" The farmer says, "For tax purposes, or has he been hit by a train?" » Sea Photos ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 171 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3 / 174 ) Can I check Gmail from any computer?  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Friday, January 29, 2010 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. --- Will Rogers Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one had no time to write down. --- Hector Berlioz The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready. --- Henry David Thoreau Thanks to Roland for this confession: I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me.... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod. ...and how was your day? It's comforting to know that real estate agents are required to be more candid about the properties they represent these days. A Newport Beach, California Internet listing of a duplex revealed that the other inhabitant possessed two cats and "a Scottish terrorist." Taken from Steve Harvey's column in the LA Times. ------------------------------------ Well you got to watch those Scots. There is aparently no sound on earth more terrifying than a bunch of Scots coming home from the bar and deciding to practise their bagpipes indoors. George had minor surgery after a bad accident and gets on the bus one afternoon. He looks quite bedraggled and more like he had been in a bar fight than being hit by a cab, and is still a bit groggy from the anesthetic staggers up the aisle, and sits down next to an elderly woman. She looks George up and down and screeches at him: "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" George jumps up out of his seat and shouts: "Hold it, driver. I'm on the wrong bus! I don't wanna go where SHE goes!" If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sleepy burglars STUART, Fla. -- Four Miami-area men were arrested Tuesday after they broke into a Stuart business and stole nearly$10,000 worth of equipment, including 22 chainsaws, according
to the Martin County Sheriff's Office.

Martin County sheriff's deputies arrested Armando Garcia and
Abel Lahera, both of Miami; Emilio Moreira, of Hialeah; and

Deputies were called to a burglary at Stuart Lawn & Garden,
3326 SE Dixie Highway, at about 3:30 a.m.
Surveillance video from the store showed a white van with one
wheel that was a different color than the others. The video also
showed two men entering the store and removing items.

"It was mainly items that they knew they were after because
they didn't spend any time looking around," said Justin Suggs,
vice president of Stuart Lawn & Garden.

Deputies said they later found the van abandoned at Harbor Bay Plaza
in Sewalls Point. The suspects were found sleeping in a nearby
Jaguar and taken into custody.

According to the arrest affidavit, one of the suspects told investigators
that they burglarized the store, parked the van in a parking lot and
left in the Jaguar. It stated that they planned to wait a few hours
and then blend in with the morning traffic.

Stuart Lawn & Garden had a sign outside the store Tuesday that read,
"The Last 4 Idiots Who Broke In Here And Stole From Us Are At The
Martin County Correctional Facility Getting Acquainted With BUBBA."

All four suspects are charged with burglary and grand theft. They
were each being held on $10,000 bond. From the Tech Support Pits: From: G! Re: Can I use Gmail from any computer? Dear Webby I have often considered changing mail providers but I've had yahoo since 1996 (and grown very fond of my address ... Can I access Gmail from any computer? G! Dear G! Yahoo may give you the same warm feeling as a full diaper, and in much the same way, it doesn't really earn you a lot of respect. Yes, you sure can use Gmail from any computer, UNIX, Linux, Windows, or Mac, anywhere in the solar system where you can go onto the net and open a browser. A lobby computer in a hotel or hospital or old-folks home, or the one at the Contractor's desk at the Home Depot is just fine. You don't have to dump Yahoo, in order to use Gmail. You can still be "That thilly yahoo", whenever you crave that warm and wet feeling, but at least you will have reliable mail for the important stuff on the side. Have FUN! DearWebby It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin ploughing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "The twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars may now return to class." Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Once a Week Cooking There are no "leftovers" at our house! We prefer to call them pre-planned meals. We buy meats on sale and I usually spend a Sunday evening cooking. I often make meat loaves, barbecued spare ribs and baked chicken. These are all proportioned to what my husband and I will eat at one meal and then sealed in our food saver bags. Off to the freezer they go for whatever meal we want. For a working gal it sure saves time preparing dinner. Just snip the corner of the food saver bag and pop into the microwave. Open a can or two of veggies or make a fresh salad and you have a quick and delicious meal - real quick! By MissMakeDo Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about a word his lover said. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before his wife finishes talking. Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?" "Well, I outweighed him by fifty pounds." » Sea Photos ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 177 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 2.9 / 197 ) Restore Media Player  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Thursday, January 28, 2010 Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions. --- Albert Einstein A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right." A pious man, who had reached the age of 105, suddenly stopped going to church. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the pastor went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the pastor asked, "Why after all these years don't we see you at services anymore?" The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, reverend," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!" Thanks to Len for this picture: The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at." If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Whitney Alison Holte, 21, of Knoxville, Tennessee Not a sugared donut When officers pulled a 21-year-old Knoxville woman over on Airport Highway in Alcoa early Thursday, she allegedly told officers it was a powdered donut she was eating when they came to the window. But a field test on the substance indicated the white powder she put in her mouth was not from a sugary pastry, but, rather, was cocaine, according to an Alcoa police report. Whitney Alison Holte was arrested and charged with possession of a Schedule II substance with intent to sell or deliver and three attachments for contempt; she was also cited with driving on a suspended driver's license, driving without proof of insurance, failure to maintain her lane of traffic and possession of drug paraphernalia. She was being held at the Blount County Jail in lieu of bonds totaling$12,250 pending 1:30 p.m. Jan. 25 and 9 a.m. Jan. 28
hearings in Blount County General Sessions Court.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ed
Re: MediaPlayer

Dear Webby
Somehow my media player got trashed. How do I restore it from
the XP Set-up CD?
Ed

Dear Ed
Don't. On the CD you have the 2000 or 2001 version, which is probably
not safe to use these days. Just go to
Media Player 11
That way you got the newest version.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told
me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom
would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this
man to be your husband." And she said, "I do."
Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your
wife," and my Mom said, "He better,....."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Over The Door Organizers For Crafts
Keep your craft room organized with this over-the-door hanger
made for shoes. It's perfect for keeping sharp things up high
away from small hands. It also separates items nicely, and
this one is clear so I can easily see where my items are located.
It also saves a lot of space and is a less expensive version
than a piece of furniture.
By Ci Ci from Yakima, WA

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A customer at Morris' Gourmet Deli marveled at the proprietor's quick wit
and intelligence.
"Tell me, Morris, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Morris replies, lowering his
voice so the other shoppers won't hear.
"But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish
heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Morris. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough, " says Morris. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Morris," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for$4 apiece when I
just found out I can buy the whole fish for $2. ...You're ripping me off!" "You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor. "'Putt' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means a klutzy but unsuccessful attempt to do the same thing." » Magma ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 220 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 2.9 / 348 ) More than one USB hard drive  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Wednesday, January 27, 2010 The problem with communication is the illusion that is has occurred. --- George Bernard Shaw Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else's can shorten it. --- Cullen Hightower A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother, Mrs. Goldberg, he has fallen in love and is going to get married. He says to his mother, "Just for fun, Momma, tomorrow I'm going to bring three women to your house to meet you, and you can try and guess which one I'm going to marry." Of course, Mrs. Goldberg agrees. The next day he brings three beautiful women into his mother's house and sits them all down on her couch. They chat for a while with Mrs. Goldberg, who serves them coffee and pastries. That evening, after the three women have left Mrs. Goldberg's home, the son says, "Okay, Momma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The redhead." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her." You don't stop laughing because you grow old, but your age gets mentioned when you stop laughing. Thanks to dad for this picture: This arm of an old cactus had to be broken off because it had grown into the way of the door. To make it more eager to root, dad laid it onto a shelf to let it dry out. Then it bloomed! He just stuck it onto an empty glass to prop it up for the picture. You can see where it will shoot out roots the moment it is put into dirt. The amazing part is that it ceated "one last blossom", even though it had been broken off, and was not getting any more water or nutrients. If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher L. Schaumburger, 20, Palm Bay, Florida Burglary or adventure?y PALM HARBOR — By pedal boat and bicycle, a fleeing burglar clad only in boxer shorts couldn't get away quite fast enough, authorities say. Pinellas County sheriff's deputies arrested Christopher L. Schaumburger on Monday morning 200 yards offshore in Lake Tarpon after witnesses said he burglarized two homes on the 3000 block of Marian Drive. "We've had suspects try to jump in the water before, but never before have I seen a pedal boat used as a means of escape," said sheriff's spokesman Thomas Nestor, who has more than 23 years in law enforcement. The Sheriff's Office says Schaumburger, 20, first broke into the home of Mary Vogelsberg, who heard breaking glass around 9 a.m. and found a pair of sunglasses on her windowsill. She did not see anyone suspicious around. But not long after, someone did. Vogelsberg's neighbor, Nicholas Hammond, awoke to use the bathroom and found Schaumburger, a transient, ransacking his home, the arrest report said. Deputies said that when Hammond confronted Schaumburger, the man fled and jumped on a bicycle he had hidden a block away. Hammond gave chase on foot and eventually caught up with the fleeing suspect. But Schaumburger was armed — with a pocket knife. Hammond backed off and called authorities. Deputies said Schaumburger fled down a street with a dead end at Lake Tarpon. With nowhere to go, authorities said he hijacked a docked pedal boat and tried to escape across the lake. A Sheriff's Office helicopter was called in. According to the arrest report, the helicopter crew reported that "there was a lone male pedaling the boat dressed only in boxer shorts, and the boat appeared to be taking on water." Deputies enlisted the help of resident Robert Putnam, whose pontoon boat was docked at the lake, to intercept Schaumburger. Schaumburger was charged with armed burglary, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and attempted burglary of an occupied dwelling. He is being held in the Pinellas County Jail in lieu of$65,000 bail.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ilsa
Re: More than one remote hard drive

Dear Webby,
I was told that you can't use more than one remote USB hard
drive without really slowing down the computer and risking
loosing all the data. Is that true?
Ilsa

Dear Ilsa
Not true at all.
Since you are not usually writing to two drives at the same time,
to different drives at the same time. There is no problem with
the writing, but your Internet connection will really get bogged
down.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

A lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a
well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes
of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered
vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she
proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his
foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said.
"Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure

"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite because the electricity
was cut off this morning."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Spray Your Snow Shovel With Silicon
Snow was sticking to my snow shovel until I coated the blade with
silicon. The silicon spray I used was for my knitting machine but
I've seen cheaper silicon spray at the hardware store. Now the
snow doesn't stick. I like not having to lift the same snow more
than once.
By Holly from Holly, MI

WD40 works as well, and so does ordinary spray-on cooking oil.

For absolute highest performance lasting the longest, use a
Molybdenum Mold Release spray. It produces a dry, waxy feeling
surface, that does not attract dust when the shovel hangs in the
shed.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Daughter: Mom, Can I have some money for a new dress?

Mother: Go ask your father, dear. You are getting married in a
month and you need the practise.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing
computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more
attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son,
"When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of
the fireplace."
The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of
The United States and got shot for it."

»  USA State Lotteries

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 138 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 666 )
printing labels

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties
than standing armies.
--- Thomas Jefferson

A wife and husband both talked in their sleep.She loved auctions;
his hobby was golf. One night, the golfer yelled, "Fore!".
His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter!"

Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his 5 kids together
to ask which one should have the present.
"Who is the most obedient?" he asked.
The children all stared back at him in silence.
Then he asked, "Who never talks back to mother?"
Again the kids appeared to be mystified by the question.
Then Tom asked, "Who does everything she says?"
With that question, the kids were finally able to come to a
conclusion. The five small voices answered in unison,
"Okay, dad, you get the toy."

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to David Field, London, England

Robbers tried to use a cab for a getaway
Two thieves that failed to plan ahead sufficiently were foiled when
their getaway driver proved uncooperative during a raid on the

David Field and an accomplice attempted to make their escape
with two stolen TVs by the same cab that ferried them to then store.
Having run inside and picked up two widescreen sets, they jumped
into the back seat with another two accessories and told cabbie
Darren Renton to “drive”.

Unfortunately for the robbers, their unwilling partner in the crime
told them: “Are you having a laugh?”

“They really started to panic then, and started offering to make it
worth my while, to  pay me off,” said Mr Renton.
“But I just told them to get out of the car.”

Three of the thieves escaped when store staff got the two TVs out
of the boot of the taxi, but Field was caught. Yesterday, Field
pleaded guilty in court to the theft of a television worth £279 and
was given a 12-month conditional discharge order, to run
concurrently with a six-month order given for an earlier offence.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Rosalie
Re: printing labels

Good Morning Webby:
You start my mornings off with a good laugh each day.
I need to know how to print labels for envelopes. It's getting difficult
to write them all out for holidays, etc. What program is the
easiest to learn?
Rosalie

Dear Rosalie
Open Office is free and has a very complete word processor included.
It has step by step instructions included for everything from selecting
the brand and type of label that you use, to merging address lists,
even huge databases.

Word Perfect, now part of Corel Office, is pretty smooth and
slick too. Word Perfect got the envelope and label printing licked
in the days when you still had to lick the labels, and an entire
generation of office workers used nothing but Word Perfect for
tasks like that. You can get OEM versions of Corel Office
from OEM suppliers or on eBay fro $5 -$15.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

An English professor announced to the class;
"There are two words I don't allow in my class.
One is "gross" and the other is "cool."
From the back of the room a voice called out,
"So, what are these gross and cool words?

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Prepare for Tax Time
Here are a few things I do to prepare for tax time.

1. Start only when feeling sharp, refreshed, and clear headed.
If there are errors, it will only delay that return you need so badly.

2. Have a space where you can leave your papers and documents
out for a day or two, and do not have to be gathered up for the
evening meal.

3. Use the free tax services online instead of the expensive tax
prep places. Even this old non-tax-savvy granny can do it.

4. Read the instructions on the site carefully. Mistakes can be made.
even if you are sure you made no errors. You may be surprised to
find that info you type often (name,soc. sec. # etc.) can have a typo
because of haste.

5. If you get too frazzled, stop and take a break. A walk, cup of coffee,
time with the family etc can give your brain a fresh jump-start.

6. Have a quiet environment to do your taxes in. Pets running, or kids
playing loudly are not helpful to detailed work.

7. Have all your papers together before you even start. Searching for
important stuff can break your concentration and cause some
confusion. (Where was I now?)

By Phyllis from Wisconsin

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

On a balmy day in the South Pacific, a navy ship spied smoke coming
from one of three huts on an island they thought was deserted. Upon
arriving at the shore they were met by a survivor.
He said, "I'm so glad you're here! I've been alone on this island for more
than three years!"
The captain of the ship replied, "But we saw THREE huts."
The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go to church in another."
"That's where I USED to go to church."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She
claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The
next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.

An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2
hours later with a bloody nose and a black eye.
"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.
"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."

»  Waterfalls

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 205 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 180 )
Print list of files

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, January 25, 2010

It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.
--- James Thurber

The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work.
--- Harry Golden

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A group of 40 years old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner.

Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen
restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts
and they can smoke without getting hassled.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because the food there is
very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because they can eat there
in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is
wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they
discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that
they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because that would be a great
idea since they have never been there before..

Thanks to Andy for this story:
A census taker in a rural area of Mississippi went up to a farmhouse
and knocked..  When a woman came to the door, he asked her how
many children she had and their ages.

She said, 'Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're
thirty-two. And the twins, Mickey & Beth, they're twenty-six.
And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're twenty-four.'

'Hold on!' said the census taker, 'Did you get twins EVERY time?'

The woman answered, 'Heck no, there were hundreds of times
we didn't get nothin.'

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Michael Ray Ekes, 30 in haines City, Florida

Car thief playing Grand Theft Auto game when caught

ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) - Sheriff's deputies in central Florida
found a suspected car thief playing the "Grand Theft Auto"
video game, and they later charged him with just that.

Polk County deputies investigating the theft of a 1998 Dodge
Durango arrested 30-year-old Michael Ray Ekes on Thursday.
They found the SUV outside a Haines City home. Ekes was
inside in the house, playing the popular video game.

Ekes was charged with grand theft auto, burglary and drug
possession. At the time of his arrest, he was out of jail on bond
for another grand theft auto charge.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Edna
Re: printable file list

Dear Webby,
I need to print the list of files in a directory, and want to do it
without any fancy program. I am sure you have some little
patch for the file explorer from your tool box, and am not scared
of the command line. Oh, I want the files sorted by date,
but don't need the date or the file size, and I want the result in
a file, that I can pick up with my spreadsheet.
Edna

Dear Edna
That is quite easy from the command line.
dir /O:D /b > files.txt

the /O:D orders them by date, and the /b gives you a Bare format
without dates and file size.

The > directs the result to whatever file name you put after it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

"May I try on that dress in the window?" the gorgeous woman asked the
manager of the designer boutique. "Go ahead," the manager replied.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Recycle a Spiral Christmas Tree as a Trellis
At Christmas one year, I bought one of those lighted spiral
decoration trees. After a few years, it just didn't work. I was
looking for a trellis for some plants, and guess what I used?
The spiral frame made the flowering vine that grew up it, look
like a tree in my yard. Everyone would ask what kind of tree
it was.
BC from Bloomingdale, MI

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

It's official: Rap music does cause crime. Research shows that in over half
the shootings that occur on the street, the gunman is aiming at the
boombox.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

The tourist was admiring the Native's necklace.
"Alligator's teeth," he replied.
"I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as
pearls do to us."
"Actually", he replied, "here the alligator hunters get paid
quite a bit more than the oyster cutters at the packing plant."

»  beautiful America

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 204 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 345 )
Can Spyware Doctor be trusted?

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, January 24, 2010

----------------------------------
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence;
then success is sure.
--- Mark Twain

Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women
of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice,
remained thirty-five for many years.
--- Oscar Wilde

Here is a delightful Classic:
Terror Threat

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get
the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
they have been used on the front line in the British army for the last
300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels
in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated
by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Canada is planning to set up a scale of threat levels after
the hockey season is over.It's too cold for terrorists anyway.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to
"BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a
squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some
toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more
level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come and
rescue us".

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain,
"Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and
"The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.

When Kevin came home, his wife, Liz, was crying.
"Your mother insulted me," Liz sobbed.

"My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other
side of the world?" Kevin asked.

"I know. But this morning a letter from her addressed to you and marked
"Confidential" arrived. I opened it because I was curious."

"And?"

"At the end of the letter it said, 'PS. Dear Liz, when you have finished
reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my Kevin.'"

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Justin Brown, 24,in Austin, Texas

Conman 'posed as swimwear model
A US conman allegedly posed as a stunning female model on the

Police in Texas said Justin Brown, 24, masqueraded as jeans
and swimwear model Bree Condon, 23, for two years.
He posted a fake online profile on seekingmillionaire.com,
'the meeting place for wealthy and beautiful singles', reports the
LA Times.

Brown allegedly identified himself as 'Bree - just looking for Mr Right',
with accompanying photos of the brunette cover girl.
Police say he enticed rich suitors by sending them fake nude pictures,
setting up web chats and even had intimate telephone conversations
with his contingent of male fans, using his "very feminine voice".

iPhone and a small dog. One affluent doctor even handed over nearly
£10,000.

The scam was only uncovered after authorities, prompted by an
investigator hired by the real Bree Condon, tracked Brown down to a
budget motel room in Austin, Texas.

Private investigator John Carbona said he was stunned to find out that
the fraudster was a man.
"I'd been talking to this person for three months," Mr Carbona said.
"I'm telling you this guy has either had his gonads removed or he is
talking through a voice synthesizer."

Austin police are also investigating whether Brown also created a fake
website for Condon, as well as Facebook and MySpace profiles in
her name.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Aaron
Re: PC-Tools Spyware Doctor

Dear Webby,
How safe is PC-Tools Spyware Doctor ?
Can it be trusted?
Aaron

Dear Aaron
No, it can not be trusted.
It reports fake infections to sleaze you into buying/renewing,
just like the lowest class of ransom-ware.
I have observed that myself on the machine of a friend.
If you have a trial version of it, UN-install it with the
Add/Remove Programs in the Control Panel and get more
legitimate Anti-malware program Like McAfee.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

My forgetter's
getting better .
My rememberer is broke,
It's seriously not a joke.
It's driving me plumb rotten.
(Author's name forgotten)

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Sandbox Sand in the Garden

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period
with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always
asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long
would we have till we hit the ground?"

"The whole rest of your life."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

This country is so full of opportunity. Where else can a woman hire another
woman to do her housework so that she can volunteer at the Day Care
Center where the cleaning woman leaves her child?

»  Toothpick Art

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 236 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 318 )
How to write bats?

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, January 23, 2010

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is
too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.
--- Maureen Murphy

Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record
of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local
joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and
showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year.
That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.
He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One
blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous
position.
Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."

Two Cajun commercial fishermen, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux, went out in
the Gulf fishing. They were gone a couple of months. On their return, they
noticed a Taco Bell had been built while they were away. Boudreaux turns
to Thibodeaux and says "Sacri Bleu! Look it dat! You run over a fone pole
an it takes 9 mons ta get Southern Bell ta put in a new pole an fix da fone.
We go fish a bit,  an dem Mexicans done come over here an build a whole
telifone company!"

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Myesha Williams, 20, of Deland, Florida

Robber complains about being shown on the news
DELAND -- Two women suspected of robbing a beauty supply store
showed up at the DeLand police station wanting to know why they
were shown on news reports, a sheriff's spokesman said Tuesday night.

"At 8 p.m. the two women in the video went to the DeLand police station
saying they had seen themselves on the news and they wanted to know
what is going on," sheriff's spokesman Brandon Haught said.

A sheriff's deputy then escorted the women to the sheriff's District 2 Office
and an investigator interviewed them, Haught said.

It was determined that Myesha Williams, 20, was the one who robbed the
store, Haught said.

Williams was charged with strong arm robbery and retail theft, Haught said.
The other woman, whose identity was not available late Tuesday night, was
not charged because she had left the store when Williams confronted the
store employee, he said.

According to investigators, the women were in Isis Beauty Supply &
Accessories on East New York Avenue on Friday at 5:31 p.m. when a
worker saw the women look at hairpieces and suspected they might be
shoplifting, Haught said. The worker confronted the two and one of the
women walked toward the exit and left the store. But Williams headed to
the cash register, said she had a gun and asked for money, Haught said.

The suspects then left the store with an unknown amount of money and
about $150 in beauty supplies, Haught said. From the Tech Support Pits: From: Benny Re: How do you write bat files? Dear Webby, You mentioned turning that tedious command into a bat file. How do you do that? Benny Dear Benny Open a new plain text file with NoteMaid, Notepad or any plain text editor. Save it as, for example, bat1.bat and make sure that Notepad does not add .txt at the end of it. Let's assume that you want to take the Read-Only attributes off the files in C:\alpha\Eudora and it's sub-directories In the file write @echo off echo working.... attrib -R -S -H /S C:\Alpha\Eudora\*.* pause exit Save that, and make a shortcut icon to it. The "working..." tells you that it is working. The pause asks you to hit any key before it closes. In case there is a problem, like for example a typo in the name of the directory, where you want to take the Read-Only, System, and Hidden attributes off, that error will be shown above the "Hit any key to contonue" message. Once you have it working right, you can delete that line with the pause, but until you get comfortable with bats, it's a good idea to add it above the exit. That's all there is to it. There are lots of commands like the attrib. You can for example copyt all JPG files from one location to another, or move them, etc. Just look up DOS commands or ask me. Have FUN! DearWebby Success is relative - the more success, the more relatives. Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Sandbox Sand in the Garden When I was recently shopping at a well known kitchen ware shop, I found the grater I wanted with a slightly bent handle. At the checkout, I asked for the item to be discounted because of the handle, and it was the only one. 10% was taken off the whole price. I do this on a regular basis especially if the item is the last one or there is any visible damage. This is especially applicable if you are paying cash. Always be extremely polite, remember they are doing you a favor. You'll be surprised who will discount. My son who is in the military always asks for the military discount and he gets it. Don't be afraid to ask for the discount. By Morganna from Anderson, IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: Ever have one of those days? Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on? He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up quite a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on- this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Finally that task was accomplished and she asked him, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots." Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" » Toothpick Art ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com  [ view entry ] ( 182 views ) | permalink | print article | ( 3.2 / 699 ) Automatic 'Read Only' nuisance  <!-- google_ad_client = "pub-4428587597166175"; //468x60adsense1 google_ad_slot = "1776333126"; google_ad_width = 468; google_ad_height = 60; //--> Good Morning, ! It's Friday, January 22, 2010 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. ---- Jane Wagner, (and Lily Tomlin) The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful --- Frederick Locker-Lampson Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. --- Socratex In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. Later the lawyers speak and the judge listens. During an arctic training exercise in Alaska intense cold played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what else could go wrong when the tent flap opened and a soldier rushed in to announce, "Hey, captain, the northern lights are out!" Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, "Well, go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the @#$% lights!"

----
With northern lights the phrase "the lights are out" goes back a lot farther
than electric lights, and actually means "the northern lights have come out
from behind the clouds, they are visible".

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Peter, the terror-pisser in Hamburg, Germany

Terror Pisser

Online: http://www.thelocal.de/society/20100116-24617.html

A couple in Hamburg have finally got to the bottom of why the
plants in their front garden keep turning brown and dying – their
neighbour has been urinating on them at night.

A years-long feud between the two families could now be finished,
after the weed-upon couple confronted their urinating neighbour –
dubbed the "terror-pisser" – with video evidence of his night-time
activities.

The Hamburger Morgenpost newspaper reported that Dieter and
Rosemarie Friebel, who live in the Farmsen area of the city, had
problems with plants in their front garden for years.

“A hibiscus suddenly looked like it had been burned by the sun,”
said Mrs Friebel. She kept buying and planting new plants, but they
too soon succumbed to what she started to suspect was poisoned soil.

The Friebels said they had long had problems with the family next door,
particularly with excessive noise. A year ago Mrs Friebel saw the man,
named only as Peter M., hit another car while parking his, and was
called as a witness in a court case.

“Since then he has not spoken to us at all,” she told the paper.

The problems with her plants continued to be a mystery until she found
a CD in the post.

“One day we found a CD in our post box. A neighbour must have given
it to us,” said Mr Friebel. “When we played it, we could not believe our eyes.”

The paper said there were 12 short films, taken between October 28 and
December 5 – all showing Peter M. leaving his house at night and urinating
over their front garden.

They confronted him with the evidence and he has apologised.

“It makes me feel sick when I think how often I ran my fingers over the
leaves and wondered where the liquid came from,” said Mrs Freibel.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Billie
Re: Automatic Read Only after file transfers

Dear Webby,
Whenever I transfer files from the laptop to the home machine,
I can't edit them. After a lot of cussing, I found that is because they
are read only. While I CAN fix that, it is a nuisance. Is there
a way around that?
She-Billie

Dear Billie
That is just an ancient Microsoft bug that goes back to
Windows 95. There is no permanent bugfix for it.
You can either right-click the folder and take the Read-Only
checkmark off, and hit APPLY,
or you can go to the DOS command line, cd to that folder and type
attrib -R -H /S *

Naturally, you can also put that into a bat and make an icon for it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

A man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the
house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said,
"Now, Doc, I can take it.
Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term in latin,
so that I can tell my wife."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Sandbox Sand in the Garden
In the fall when we put things away, it was always "What do we do with the sand
from the sandbox?" Well, I assess what areas of my veggie and flower garden soil
needs some soil treatment and divide out the sand box to the garden needing it most.
Many veggies grow better in sandier soil. Some flowers need better drainage.
By Joyce from Benson, MN

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ron has been telling his wife for 37 years that diamonds look tacky on
younger women.
So far, it has worked.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a
clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning."
Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that."
The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any papers!"

»  Old Car Center

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 146 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 580 )
Can't install SpyBot

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, January 20, 2010

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session
as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
--- Will Rogers

The nickname that you deserve!
=========================
If  your Humor Letter is greeting you properly with your first name, then you
can skip this paragraph. But if the line above reads "Good Morning Friend!"
or is calling you some nickname that you don't really like any more, then
hit REPLY and tell me what it should be.

Go ahead and give yourself the name or nickname that you would like
to be called by!
I may be only the first one in the world to do so, but I will faithfully
call you by that name every morning.

What's the big deal you wonder ? Read what  My-Lil-Empress wrote:

===From My-Lil-Empress
Dear Dear Webby
I wish I could tell you how grateful I am to you for keeping my husband and
coach alive even though he died in an accident four years ago today.
While everybody else calls me nicknames like "half-pint" and "evil-runt"
and worse, Roy always called me "My-Lil-Empress" and in his eyes I was
a real person, not just a half size. The more everybody else put me down,
the more Roy always did things to build up my self confidence and make
Giving me a subscription to the Humor Letter under the name that he used
for me, that was one of those things. Even though he is long dead, every
morning when the Humor Letter greets me with "Dear My-Lil-Empress !",
it's Roy boosting me up,  and even though I am only 4' 6", I walk tall !
Thanks Roy, and Thanks Webby!
My-Lil-Empress===

Dear My-Lil-Empress
It's real people like you who are the reason that I don't mind if the sky turns
pink in the east before my previous day's shift is over, as long as the
Humor Letter goes out.
DearWebby

The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of
newcomers in a training camp, stated:
"Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news.
First, the good. Private Brandy will be setting the pace on our morning run.'

With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Brandy  was overweight
and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement:

"Now for the bad news. Private Brandy will be driving the ambulance, that
we might need for those who don't manage to stay ahead of me."

Thanks to Sandie for this picture:

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Shane Thomas Williams-Allen, 19, of Orlando, Florida

Burglar tases and handcuffs himself
TAVARES — Lake County authorities say they have a serial car
burglar in custody, one who shocked himself with a Taser and put
himself in handcuffs.

Shane Thomas Williams-Allen of Orlando was arrested this week
on multiple burglary and grand-theft counts, and the Lake County
Sheriff's Office said he may be linked to as many as nine car
burglaries around Clermont and Minneola.

And one of the burglaries involved an unmarked Ocoee Police car,
the Sheriff's Office said. Stolen from that car were a Taser, an
expandable baton, handcuffs, a Glock handgun magazine,
a digital camera and a digital recorder.

Williams-Allen, 19, discharged the stolen Taser and shocked
himself when he first discovered it, the investigation found.

Last week, he accidentally locked himself up with the handcuffs
and had to call authorities to set him free, according to his arrest
report. Many of the other stolen items were recovered following
his arrest.

Williams-Allen is held on charges that include grand theft, burglary
to a conveyance and armed burglary to a conveyance.
He may face additional counts, Lake officials said.

He later told investigators that he probably entered four or five cars,
including one from which he took cameras and an iPod with a
docking station, according to the report. He said others were
involved in "car hopping," which he described as going around
and pulling on car door handles.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Denjan
Re:Can't install Spybot

Hi Webby,
I have tried twice to install Spybot and the first time I got
almost to the end and it stalled and I can't ove or delete
it from my screen.I decided to reinstall it and it gets to a
certin spot and stalls and tell me to retry,abort or ingore
which it does not recomend..How do I get the icon on my
screen off.I uninstalled Spybot and that did'nt come off
and now will not move or respond.I am stuck. Denjan

Dear Denjan
if the problem is not lack of space, run a good Anti-Virus
program like McAfee and try to get rid of whatever is blocking
Spybot-Search&Destroy.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to
take a pee and he was told by his mother to always Be Polite and don't
talk about private matters in public.

At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to
say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom
had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to
the little girl and says

"Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose".
And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom.
When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks

"Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox.

"Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse
because your lipstick is hanging out!"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Organizing Tax Season
Every January I set up a new manila folder and mark it with
the year. Then every time I have a receipt or statement I
need to save, I just put it in the folder. Come tax season all
the paperwork is in one place.
By Rebecca from Lancaster, NY

With a computer it is even easier.
However, if you want to do it manually, get a harmonica folder.

Brand new, with 13 indexed folder size poly pouches, and a
closure flap with carry handle, they are $10-$15,
or a dollar at yard sales.

That way you can write the category names on the colorful tabs
and toss receipts into the proper category. If you need a receipt,
you don't have to search through everything, but just that one
category.

You can hang them high with their carry handle, out of reach
of kids but convenient for you.

If you have a book keeper or accountant, ask them for the
category names required in your particular case.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Johnny's mother decided that he should get something 'practical' for
his birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?" his mother
suggested.
Little Johnny thought that was a fine idea.
"It's your account", his mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill
out the application."
Little Johnny was doing fine until he came to the space for 'Name of your
former bank.' After a slight hesitation, he put down
'Piggy'.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Jason was having a tough day and had stretched himself out on the couch
to do a bit of what he thought to be well-deserved complaining and
self-pitying.
He moaned to his wife, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!"
His wife, busily occupied with other things, hardly looked up at and
passed on this encouraging word:
"That's not true, Jason. Can't be everybody.
Some people don't know you."

»  Old Car Center

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 196 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 394 )
Audio Recorder

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, January 19, 2010

You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty.
--- Cecil Baxter

Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty.
--- Leo Rosten

"My wooden leg was hurting me something fierce last night," complained
Art.

"That's impossible," said his neighbour, "How can a wooden leg hurt
you?"

Art replied, "My old lady hit me over the head with it a dozen times
when I came home drunk."

A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was
meeting with considerable sales resistance.
"Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer.
"Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on
a cow."
"Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you would look trying to
milk a bicycle!"

Thanks to Sandie for this picture:

There is a butterfly hiding in there!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Charles Jesse Johnson, 40, of Perry, Florida

Driver with deputy behind him runs red light

DESTIN -- A man sitting at a red light on Christmas Day
turned left before the light changed, despite the fact that
an Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office deputy was sitting
behind him. The two were sitting at the light on U.S.
Highway 98 and Matthew Blvd.

The deputy initiated a traffic stop and found the driver,
40-year-old Charles Jesse Johnson of Perry, in the back
seat. He had jumped in there when the vehicle came to a
stop, according to his arrest report.

The deputy checked the man's driving history and found out
that his license had been revoked in June, and that he also
had seven other suspensions and four other revocations.

He was again charged with driving with a revoked license as a
habitual traffic offender.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Arturas
Re: Audio recorder

Dear Webby;
Any suggestions other than plain Googling for a free programme
to record streaming music from the internet? I know you have
addressed this in previous letters but I cannot find it in the four
years of letters on my computer, didn't find where your archive
is searchable for specific terms, did not see such a programme
in your tools box. I tend too be leary of using any programme
at random off the internet, which is why I am asking.
Have fun,
Arturas

Dear Arturas
I have used Audacity for years.
It will record any sound, even from tele-seminars, conferences,
Skype Voice Calls, Internet Radio, etc.
You can even edit and delete boring portions of the recording.

The archive searcher in the blog (archive) is near the bottom.
The one near the top is for searching on the web.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He
said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with
me."
"Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?"
"Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop."
"Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles
against it."
"Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much sex life?"
"Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 9:30 every
night and I always have been."
The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked,
"Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head."
"O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use a Baby Bottle Nipple for Transferring Liquids
When you need to transfer something from a larger bottle to
a smaller one, I use an old baby bottle nipple. I cut the hole
bigger and in most cases, the larger bottle opening fits in
just right. Works every time!
By Sandra from Salem OR

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In the dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing
and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses,
endless ammunition.

The most frequent target was the resident assistant. Approaching his room
one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of
water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down
the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, 'Those idiots
actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!'

It was then, that he realized, that "those idiots" had removed the drainpipe
beneath the sink and turned the "U" shaped part of it to point just below
his waistline.

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A tourist parked his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man
standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes.
Would you watch my car while I run into this store?"
"What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United
States Senate?"
"Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. Guess I better find
somebody more respectable and trustworthy."

»  Water Drop

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 208 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 52 )
Gross incompetence at Yahoo

<!--
//-->

Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, January 18, 2010

--- Stephen King

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.
--- Thomas Szasz

Monica N. wrote:
"... I was wandering around the 'net recently, and GOSH! I found a
whole bunch of PHILATELISTS.  And then I discovered groups populated
by THESPIANS and HOMO SAPIENS.  And I found hundreds -- not
dozens, but HUNDREDS -- of educational institutions funded by MY TAX
DOLLARS... teaching people to MATRICULATE.
We need to pass laws to control the Internet and protect our children!"

Dwayne, his wife, and Dwayne's mother-in-law went camping.
Dwayne's wife announced that her mother had been gone on her stroll in
the woods way too long.

So the two of them went looking for her.
After a while they spotted a gigantic, ferocious grizzly bear squared off with
the mother-in-law!

Immediately the daughter said to her husband, in a frantic voice,
"Dwayne you gotta do something, or there's gonna be trouble
fer sure!"

Dwayne calmly said, "Nah, those grizzllies are a lot tougher
than they look. He'll live."

A guy is driving along with his wife in their Cadillac, asked his wife:
"Darling, if I lose all my money, will you still love me?"
She answers: "of course I will,  I will probably miss you too."

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:

Bike Riding OK
Bike Riding NOT OK
Above confusion does NOT apply to Mopeds
Above confusion DOES apply to bridge.

Apparently they have some confused bridges on bicycles
in Sweden!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
goes to Mark Turner, 23, of Lower Bank Road, Fulwood, Preston, UK

Man busted as he helped girlfriend out of trousers
A man was nailed for drug possession after he went into the
ladies loos to undo his girlfriend's trousers so she would not
ruin her new nail varnish.

Mark Turner, a jobless 23-year-old, of Lower Bank Road, Fulwood,
Preston, pleaded guilty to illegal possession of cannabis.

Blackpool magistrates decided the 18 hours he had spent in
custody would serve in lieu of a £65 fine and ordered the drugs
to be destroyed by someone other than him..

Philip Turner, prosecuting, said a police officer became suspicious
when he saw Turner and a woman go into the ladies public toilets at
Blackpool's Talbot Road bus station on Tuesday (January 12)
at 4.15pm.

The prosecutor added: "The officer followed them and knocked
on the cubicle door. The defendant said he was helping his girlfriend."

Turner was searched when he left the cubicle and two wraps of
cannabis were found on him.

Stephen Duffy, defending, said Turner and his girlfriend were
waiting for a bus home when she had to go to the toilet.

apparently unable to unfasten her trousers herself without
damaging her new nail polish, so he accompanied her to
assist her.

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Randall
Re: Incompetence at Yahoo

Dear Webby;
I have enjoyed receiving your newletter for a long time now and
recently i wrote and told you i was having a problem with receiving it,
well the problem has occured again.I sent some friends of mine a
gift subscription and after that i havent gotten another issue of your
fine newletters.

I have contacted Yahoo and they said all of thier affairs are in order
and for me to contact you and see if you could correct the problem
for me.....I truly enjoy the articles and the tech help especially seeing
how i am just now getting comfortable in this cyberworld of ours......
so please could you help out a big fan of yours out.
thanks for any and all assistance.
Randall

Dear Randall
The Taliban at Yahoo lied to you, again.
Their affairs are NOT in order. You are not the only one whose
subscriptions they fail to deliver. Judging by the feedback,
Yahoo fails to deliver to more than half of their victims.

The Humor Letter is sent out to you every night, however,
once it has entered the Yahoo server, there is nothing more
that I can do about it. Then it is strictly between them and you.

The Humor letter jumps through all 20 Best Practises hoops:
1) Listed Sender ID,
3) Proper SPF record,
4) Matching forward and reverse DNS,
6) Full contact information,
7) Strictly Double Opt-In,
8) Not on any blacklist,
9) Uses an IP address that has never been used for spamming,
10) Is family safe
11) Has live, same day response to replies, no auto-responders
12) Has an on-line copy that is top listed at Google AND Bing
14) More than 10 year history of compliance to Best Practises
15) Works fine with all competent mail services
16) Does not have any attachments
17) Does not burden email with embedded pictures or movies
18) Calls pictures from a properly identified server with
matching forward and reverse DNS and SPF record
19) Does NOT send solo ads or ANY advertising mails to subscribers
20) Is listed with the Ezinefinder (http://ezinefinder.com)

There is nothing more that I or anyone can do.

You can try wasting more time arguing with the incompetent yahoos
and tell them what they are full of,
or you can get yourself a respectable address on the side.
Gmail is free and reliable, and you can make basic filters.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors
and none of them agreed with your diagnosis."
The doctor got rather upset that his word was doubted and yelled:
"You just wait until the autopsy, then you will see that I was right."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

I have made shorts and blouses from a large bed sheet, also
curtains, pillow cases etc. It's often cheaper than fabric from
fabric store. You can make skirts from neck ties. Take them
apart, press with steam or wet cloth, sew together. Put a zipper
and a band on it, make a button hole, sew button on band.
I also make shorts out of pant legs. Cut legs off as high up
as you can (the crotch), remove seams. Press with wet cloth
or steam iron, you are ready to cut shorts out Good luck.
By Kathleen from Dothan, AL

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

On vacation one year Joe went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the
usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from the resort to
participate in a cattle drive. After watching 120 make-believe cowpokes
whooping and hollering, Joe rode up to the ranch-owner and asked
her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size.

"One," she replied, "and yappy dog.
It's the noise that'll get the cattle to move."

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

On vacation one year Joe went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the
usual activities, a neighboring ranch allowed guests from the resort to
participate in a cattle drive for a mere \$25.

After watching 120 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering,
Joe rode up to the ranch-owner and asked her how many cowboys it
normally takes to drive a herd of that size.

"One," she replied, "and yappy dog. They are not scared, but the
noise bothers cattle, and that'll get them to move."

»  Food Safety

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com



[ view entry ] ( 255 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 292 )

<<First <Back | 111 | 112 | 113 | 114 | 115 | 116 | 117 | 118 | 119 | 120 | Next> Last>>