Here's Your Degree 

A grandmother was pushing her grandchild around Wal-Mart in a buggy.

Each time she put something in the basket, she would say, "And here's something for you, Degree" or, "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Degree" and so on.

Eventually, a bewildered shopper who had heard all this, finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Degree?"

The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to college and this is what she came home with!"




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How to get rid of the paperclip 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, February 29

In a few hours I will be taking off for Calgary. 
Barely worth going to bed, but I'll try.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. --- Doctor Who Why do writers write? Because it isn't there. --- Thomas Berger That all men are equal is a proposition which, at ordinary times, no sane individual has ever given his assent. --- Aldous Huxley
Thanks to Irene for this: While my third-grade class was completing a writing exercise, one of the students asked me how to spell "piranha." I told him I was unsure. To my delight, he went to the dictionary to solve his problem. That's when I overheard another pupil say to him, "Why bother to look it up? She doesn't know how to spell it anyway."
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phoney $18 bills would be in some small hick Southern town. So he got into his new wheels and off he went. He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Can you change this for me, please?" he said. The store clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time, then smiled and told the man, "Sure, Mister. Ya'll want 2 nines, or 3 sixes?
Click through for the large version. A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you'd look trying to milk a bicycle!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Shantel Parker, 35, in Laurelville, Ohio Jailed after injecting teen daughters with heroin before sending them to school Laurelville, Ohio (The Weekly Vice) - Shantel Parker, a 35-year-old Laurelville woman was jailed Friday after she allegedly injected her children with heroin, then sent them off to school. According to the Hocking County Sheriff's Office, Parker reportedly gave her daughters, ages 14 and 16, heroin and various other illegal drugs at least 50 times since December 2011. An investigation began after a witness from the school called police and reported that children appeared to be under the influence of certain drugs. Investigators say detectives searched Parker's residence and recovered evidence related to the case. Parker was not at home during the search, but was arrested a short time later. She was apprehended without incident in the lobby at a local hospital after an officer recognized her. Her children are now in the care of Hocking County Children Services. Parker was booked into jail and charged with two counts of felonious assault, two counts of corrupting another with drugs and two counts of endangering children.
Tech Support Pits: From: Lee Re: Get rid of that @#$% paperclip! Dear Webby Some people think Obama is the most hated and the one most people would love to send to hell. I bet you the stupid paperclip, that is playing nuisance in Office programs is hated by more people. How do we get rid of it? Lee Dear Lee Look in the folders where your office programs are, for a file called "Actors". Rename that file to anything different. That will disable the paperclip. Keep in mind, you are dealing with Microsoft programs. That means, this trick will work in most, but probably not all versions of Microsoft office. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany. He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made. When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth. So Moisha explained. "We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth." The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?" Moisha then said "Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food. The customs official slapped his head and then said, "You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?" "Vell to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham sandwich."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Quilt From Old Sweatshirts Sweatshirts can be recycled to make good quilts. They are warm enough that just a backing rather than adding batting may be sufficiently warm if a lightweight quilt is desired. I often alternate sweatshirt materials with jean material. At a thrift store look for 2X and 3X sizes as they have a lot of material in them. You might want to cut around lettering and pictures on the shirts. I prefer buying plain shirts if I can find them. By halstein from Valley City, ND Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An extremely shy fellow once brought his date a bouquet of flowers. She threw her arms around him and kissed him long and hard. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. She exclaimed, "Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'm just going to run to the the cemetery to get more flowers!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: - religion - royalty - sex - mystery The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
» Street Art





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Turn off grid alingment for icons in W7 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, February 28

Ezinefinder seems to be working again!

Wednesday I have to make a trip to Calgary for a "MUGA" test.
It is only 60 miles and the weather is supposed to be nice.

For that test, you sit on a bench in a hallway for 45 minutes, 
Then they give you one of those thilly open back gowns
and you have to lie down on some high bed for 45 minutes,
Or longer. Then they shoot you up with some dye and you
have to wait some more. 

Eventually they strap you into some big machine, pull your 
arms way up and back and lock you in that position. Then
they adjust the machine, which looks like an MRI machine 
with all parts hydraulicly adjustable. When they got it just 
right, a buzzer sounds and everybody runs away, as if they
expect the contraption to blow up.

After about 45 minutes in that uncomfortable position, 
they cautiously come back, drive the parts of the machine 
closest to you out of the way and drive it back, so that 
they can untie you and let you get up.

Then you get your shirt and jacket back, and a voucher for
the parking lot. Eventually you will then find out what 
percentage of optimal your heart works at.

If they explained what all the different parts of that huge 
machinery do, it would probably be quite interesting!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. --- Alfred Hitchcock You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy
Thanks to David for this one: I thought of your column when I saw this: The Longest Password We laugh -- but her I.D. is safe. During a recent password audit by Google, it was found that someone was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento" When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said: "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital." David in Minneapolis
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, had dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4 inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
Thanks to Sandie for these pictures: Click through for the large version. Sandie had lost all her investments and savings in the crash. They were supposed to pay for taxes, insurance, mortgage and utilities, until she dies. Without them, she could not afford to keep her beautiful house in Cape Coral, and had to rush to sell it, before it got foreclosed. You have seen pictures of her orchids and birds of paradise, herons, hawks and her boat lift over the years. Typical Cape Coral, her house had a street in front and canal in the back. These pictures are of Mike and Lou Ann, neighbors down the street carting away Sandie's last orchid shortly before Sandie left.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Some guy, in Fort Myers, FL Teen finds naked burglar in kitchen stealing rum FORT MYERS, Fla. -- A 14-year-old girl discovered a naked man in her kitchen stealing a bottle of Captain Morgan from the pantry Wednesday, deputies said. The girl told Lee County sheriff’s deputies she was at her home in the 6700 block of Magnolia Lane, Fort Myers, when she heard someone in the kitchen. According to Lee arrest reports, she left her bedroom, went to the kitchen, and found a 47-year-old man from Eustis naked and bent over in the pantry taking a bottle of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum. Terrified, she ran back to her room where she heard him use the telephone before leaving the house. The girl’s father told deputies he was doing yard work out back when his daughter informed him there was someone in the house. Reports say the father found the man naked in his front yard. A neighbor was inside his home when his dogs began barking. According to reports, the neighbor saw the guy in the front yard and retrieved his gun. Once outside, he saw him naked in the neighbor’s front yard and detained him at gunpoint until deputies arrived. He is facing charges of burglary of an occupied dwelling and petit theft.
Tech Support Pits: From: Amy Re: Move icons unrestricted in W7 Dear Webby How do I fix it, so that I can move icons in W7 to exactly where I want them, not just to where some tyrant at Microsoft wants to put them. Thanks Amy Dear Amy To disable "align to grid", and let your desktop icons be freely moved around without alignment: Right-click on an empty area of the desktop (between two icons, not on an icon) From the desktop's context menu, choose "View" The View submenu displays a checkmark next to "Align icons to grid". take that checkmark off. Now you can put the icons where YOU want them to be. Unfortunately "Align to Microsoft's dumb and tasteless idea of icon arrangement" is the default in W7, and if you accidentally bump your mouse, while you replace the battery, or do any of the myriad things, that give W7 an excuse to revert to default, then they use that as an excuse to mess up your arrangement and trump it with theirs. So, if your icons are not where they are supposed to be, check that thilly "Align to grid" setting. A sneaky trick to get YOUR arrangement back is to use "Save My Desktop", a free little program in my Tool Box. Click that after installing new programs or shortcuts or re-arranging your desktop. One click restores it to THAT arrangement, after Windows has messed it up. Have FUN! DearWebby
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An off duty police officer was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash. Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was doing the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he passed by the camera. Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it! So he turned and, going a snail's pace, he passed the camera. AGAIN, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault, and home he went. A week later he received 3 traffic fines in the mail, all for not wearing a seatbelt.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Linseed Oil to Treat Garden Handles Rub the handles of of pitchforks and shovels once in awhile with a rag dipped in linseed oil. You'll find the shafts both last longer and are much more pleasant to use. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Edwina for this one: A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride called her mother. "So," said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?" "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic... " Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. Things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MAMA!" "Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed-they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE !!! "Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like: Dust, Wash, Iron, Cook...."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A manager is told by his doctor that he has to take up some sport, so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he's doing. "It's going fine", the manager says, "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!". "Really? What happens then?", the girl asks enthusiastically Then my body says: "Huh ? Who, me ??? You gotta be kidding!"
» Elk saves marmot





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Cleaning with compressed air or vacuum ? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, February 27

The US hs definitely failed to get the point across to the
Afghans about who won the war. Unarmed advisors are
getting shot, and Obama is kowtowing and bowing and 
apologizing all over the place. 

Next the ACLU is going to help Al Quaeda sue the 
US Government.

It sure was a lot different in post-WWII Europe!
The Allies didn't just burn books, they burned the houses,
in which a banned book was found. And anybody who
attempted arguing about who writes and re-writes history,
got disappeared.

By 1955 people had accepted Hollywood's version of 
history, and have behaved quite nicely ever since.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. --- Samuel Johnson You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. --- Michael Pritchard
It was "sharing time" in a kindergarten full of bright children. The teacher was presiding over a discussion about the children's parents. One child said, "Well, my mother's a Catholic and my father's Jewish." "Oh, wow!" said another. "So what do you believe?" "I believe in everything," said the first child. "What do you mean 'everything'?" asked another child. "Well, you know," said the first child, "Jesus Christ, Moses, Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Boogey Man, everything."
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

The teacher noticed that Al had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. "Al," she said, "If the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I? "Thirty-four," Al answered unhesitatingly. The teacher replied "Well, that's very close. Tell me...how did you guess?" "Oh, there's nothing to it," Al said. "My big sister is seventeen and she's only half as crazy."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Cedrick Mitchell, Bradenton, FL Armed robber drops gun, returns to buy it for $40 BRADENTON A man was arrested early Thursday after he tried to rob two men in a motel room, dropping his gun and later returning to buy back his own firearm, Bradenton police said. At about 12:30 a.m., Cedrick Mitchell, 39, barged into a room at the Royal Motel, 1526 14th St. W. He asked the two men inside for pills. When they said they had none, Mitchell pulled out a black handgun from his waistband and demanded “everything you got,” said Bradenton police Capt. Warren Merriman. The men began to fight. During the scuffle, Mitchell dropped his gun and one of the victims pepper sprayed him in the face. Mitchell ran away. But moments later, he was back at the motel room and begged the two men to buy his gun back for $40, Merriman said. Mitchell was pepper sprayed in the face again and ran away. The men called 911. One of the officers at the scene spotted Mitchell, who ran away again. Officers chased him and he was arrested, Merriman said. Mitchell was booked into the Manatee County jail and is being held on no bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Rose Re: Clean with compressed air or vacuum Dear Webby What is better for cleaning keyboards and computers, cans of compressed air or vacuum cleaner? Rose Dear Rose Cans of compressed air are good for people who sell them. A vaccumm cleaner is the better choice for all computer related items. Instead of blowing dirt into even harder to reach places, a vaccum gets rid of it. And no kid has ever died from using a vacuum cleaner, but every year a dozen or so die from "huffing" compressed air. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Mike's name is Mike.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Linseed Oil to Remove Road Tar Road tar and asphalt which splatters up and sticks to an automobile is almost impossible to remove. That is, unless you first saturate the spots with linseed oil. Allow the oil to soften the tar for a few minutes and you'll find that the grime rubs right off with a piece of coarse cloth. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO If you can't find linseed oil, use WD40 Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My sister has the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home repair project. For example, in her garage are pieces of a lawnmower she once tried to fix. So I wasn't surprised the day my other sister, Pam, and I found our sister attacking her vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver. "I can't get this thing to cooperate," she explained when she saw us. Pam suggested, "Why don't you drag it out to the garage and show it what you did to the lawnmower?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Rosy for this one: Having moved into his first apartment, our son invited my husband and me for a visit. As we walked in, our son asked if we'd like a cold drink. Mentally patting myself on the back for teaching him to be such a gracious host, I said, "Yes, please, what do you have?" He walked over to the refrigerator, opened the door, studied the contents, and replied, "I have pickle juice or water."
» Oldies Television Shows





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Blue pictures 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, February 26

-14 and a light blizzard outside. That is actually not 
too bad for late February. Spring will be here soon
enough.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. --- Robert Heinlein Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at. --- Jimmy Demaret
A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be ribbing her. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!"
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

Thanks to Mary for this one: Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents' occupations. The teacher pulled me aside. Whispering, she advised, "You might want to explain a little bit more to your daughter what you do for a living." I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars in motel conference rooms. When I asked why, the teacher explained, "Your daughter told the class she wasn't sure what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went to work at motels."
Re yesterday's picture, Caro told me that they are Golden haired blue faced snubnosed monkeys from Southern China. Thanks Caro! Click through for the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Miguel Flores, 29 Lee County, FL Miguel Flores Invented A New Mating Call Lee County, Florida (The Weekly Vice) - Miguel Angel Rivera Flores, a 29-year-old illegal immigrant was jailed Monday after he allegedly made animal noises to attract women and children to him, then masturbated on the beach in front of them. According to the Lee County Sheriff's Office, Flores was apprehended after he reportedly hid behind some bushes on Bonita Beach, then made unknown animal noises to attract females. When the women got close to him, he stepped out from behind the bushes and masturbated in front of them. One of the victims called police and provided a detailed description of Flores. When officers arrived on the scene, they saw Flores attempting to flee on a bicycle. Investigators also believe Flores had masturbated near the women's shower area after his feet matched a set of footprints found in the area where the showers were located. Flores is also suspected of masturbating behind an abandoned house near the beach. He was booked into jail and charged with prowling, loitering, fraud-impersonation, and using fictitious personal identification information. He was released after posting bond on Tuesday
Tech Support Pits: From: Jannet Re: Blue Pictures Dear Webby Sometimes my pictures have a definite bluish green shift. It makes people look like a pizza is going to re-visit the visible world, and clothes look odd. What causes that, and how can I fix pictures that already suffer from that? I have PSP, like you recommended. Jannet Dear Jannet The cause is usually low battery or a cold camera. The fix is to shift the colors. ALT C A R (Or mouse to Color, Adjust, Red-Green-Blue) In there you see two pictures. The right picture is the edited version. Below that are three fields where you can adjust the red green and blue colors. Crank the red to about +12 to +15, the green to + 3. and the blue to -5 You will see how the picture warms up and looks more like it should. Click on the eye icon to preview the picture. It might be OK already, or you might need to do some more tweaking. When it looks right, click OK, and it's done. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Mike's parents have four children. Their names are Penny, Dime and Quarter. What is the fourth child's name? Answer tomorrow
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organize Coupons In Card Sheet Protectors I was having a hard time keeping up with my coupons. So a friend of mine bought me a binder for my birthday, and I bought a pack of baseball card holder sleeves and a pack of dividers. Now I am so organized it's scary. My son says what is scary is that I actually know what coupons I have! It's a race to see how many I can use before they expire. I also have a steno pad where I write down for each store what I will use with a coupon. Source: Money Saving Mom By Paula from Weldon Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Three churches in town were overrun with squirrels. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there. Who were they to interfere with God's will? They did nothing, and the squirrels multiplied. The elders of the second church, deciding that they could not harm any of God's creatures, humanely trapped the squirrels and then set them free outside of town. Three days later the squirrels were back. It was only the third church that succeeded in keeping the squirrels away. The elders of this church simply baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now, they only see the squirrels on Christmas and Easter.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A well dressed lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight, embarrassed and red faced, sure that everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop that!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says, "Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?"
» Snow Shoe Art





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Bank or phishing? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, February 25

This time they put 12 drops of dilator into my eyes,
so that there was no iris left, just pupil. That must be
quite onvenient for the staff there. Each staffer rushed
me through a different test and told me to go to the next 
waiting room. They did not answer questions and did
not listen. For example, on the vision test, where I had 
to read the letters on the wall, I told her that the biggest 
problem was with short distance, not the long distance,
that she was testing. She just grunted. 
And then put 12 drops of dilater stuff into my eyes.
Normally they just give you 4 or six drops, but maybe 
she lost count and had to start over again.

The actual doctor put on a very brief appearance and 
injected a few drops of Avastin into my left eye and 
told me its either those $75 per eye monthly injections 
or else I go blind.

When pressed to tell me what I really am afflicted with, 
while he tried to rush on to the next patient, he told me 
it is "Diabetic Macular Edema", and that I could look it 
up and read up on it myself. 

It looked like they "process" about 50 patients per hour,
so naturally, he could not spend any time explaining 
anything.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. --- Henry David Thoreau "You only find out who is swimming naked when the tide goes out." --- Warren Buffett Teenagers should move out earlier, while they still know it all. --- Socratex Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it. --- Don Herold
One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye. "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked. "No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

Thanks to Amy for this: Planning a weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and grocery shopping. As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take to lunch asked if we could make it that Friday. So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went and picked her up. As she settled into the car, her face dropped. "Thanks a lot!" she sulked. Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the Turkey."
Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Meredith Lowell, 27 in Cleveland, Ohio Two drivers get DUI in same car An attempt by two men to fool police early Monday by switching seats after an accident ended with both of them being cited for drunken driving, police say. When Lincoln police arrived at 98th Street and Pine Lake Road at about 3 a.m., Shawn Walker was in the driver's seat of a 1996 Pontiac Grand Am stuck in the mud. Before the officer got to the car , passenger Daniel Krupicka switched seats and said he had been driving, Officer Katie Flood said. Police said Walker, 21, was driving the Grand Am at about 50 mph westbound on Pine Lake Road and didn't realize there was a roundabout at the 98th Street intersection. He drove through the center of the roundabout, across the pavement and into the mud on the northwest corner, Flood said. Walker was released after being cited for negligent driving and drunken driving. Krupicka, 21, who, police say, tried to drive the car out of the mud, was released after being cited for no seat belt and drunken driving, Flood said. Krupicka's blood alcohol content tested at .123 percent and Walker's at .218, Flood said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Rhonda Re: Phishing Dear Webby Is it true that some of those phishing sites can steal your passwords and bank information even if you don't click on anything ? Rhonda Dear Rhonda Yes, if you don't use MailWasher. In MailWasher you see both the phoney cover address and the actual underlying address. In your email program you just see the cover address, for example http://mybank.com/login not the underlying address, which could be some long url including a call to a php or asp script. In Mailwasher you see both and see how phony it is, BEFORE you download the dangerous part. You simply chekmark it for deleting, if MailWasher hasn't already done it. Then you look for a pattern. Is there anything in the shown top few lines, that you have seen in similar emails.Once you spot a pattern, you can make a filter that will nuke that type of email without even showing it in the list. If you don't have MailWasher, be extremely careful with mail that pretends to be from ANY bank. Just opening, without actually clicking on anything in some of those mails, will start a script that will install a tiny trojan that will later call for the rest of the program to harvest your computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"How was your game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered. "But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" "But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack. "But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. "Yup," Scott answered. "Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. "I forgot."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an Empty Can as a Utensil Holder When Cooking Here is what I use to prevent spilled mess on my counter when I am cooking. I usually use more than one utensil when I am cooking but never know where to place them during the cooking time as I am still using them. Well, since I usually use some type of canned goods with all my meals, I came up with the following idea. I rinse the can that I used, then I use it as a utensil holder while I am cooking. Once I am done cooking, I place the utensils in the sink, rinse the can again and recycle it. So it's kinda like recycling it twice. The bonus is that it saves a mess to clean off my counter or a plate. By tomnsaby from Albuquerque, NM I use a long, narrow pyrex casserole for that. It is heavy enough, so that it does not get knocked over accidentally. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man was in the hospital recovering from an operation when a nun walked into his room. She was there to cheer up the sick and ailing. The man and nun started talking and she asked about his life. He talked about his wife and 13 children. "My, my," said the nun, "13 children....you're a good, proper Catholic family. The Lord is very proud of you!" "I'm sorry, Sister," he said, "I am not Catholic. I'm Jewish." "Jewish!?" she replies. "Hmmm....you're a sex maniac, aren't you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Grampa was telling his youngest grandson abuot his terrifying experience with cannibals. "There I was, lost in the middle of the jungle, surrounded by twenty hungry cannibals." His grandson objected: "But last time you told me, there were only ten hungry cannibals." To which grampa answered, "Ah, but you were too young then to know the whole horrible truth!"
» Coming to a Sky Near You: Jupiter, Moon & Venus:





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Naked directory listing 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, February 23

Today I have to make another trip into Calgary for another 
eye exam and injection. If you don't see a Friday issue,
it will be because my vision has not recovered sufficiently.

Don't worry, I have not been kidnapped by a sexy subscriber
and hauled away to her secret castle or motel room,
even though, with my impaired vision, I would not be able 
to tell the difference between a castle and a motel,
as long as she is cuddly and the Internet connection is fast.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office." --- George Bernard Shaw Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. --- Leo Tolstoy
Overheard at the bus stop - Coed A: "My roommate hogs the TV!" - Coed B: "My roommate keeps borrowing my makeup without asking!" - Coed C: "My roommate keeps stealing my boyfriends before I'm done using them!"
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

David filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. "Great," David thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better because it locks ..."
Thanks to Lillemor for these Camelias: Click through for the large version. Our yard is full of blooms.Feel so Blessed knowing most people are fighting snow storms. Lillemor
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Meredith Lowell, 27 in Cleveland, Ohio Pervert caught trying to solicit murder of a random fur wearing person. Cleveland, OH (The Weekly Vice) - Meredith Lowell, a 27-year old Ohio woman was jailed after she tried to hire a hit man to kill any random person found to be wearing animal fur. According to FBI agents, Lowell spent months trying to solicit a hit man through Facebook, with the intention of killing a random person who was caught wearing fur clothing. Undercover officers began communicating with Lowell through Facebook In November after being alerted to the alleged plot. Investigators say Lowell posted a request on Facebook which stated "I would like to create an online community on facebook which would allow me to find someone who is willing to kill someone wearing fur toward the end of October 2011 or early November 2011 or possibly in January 2012 or February 2012 at the latest." Lowell, using the alias Anne Lowery, allegedly wrote that she would be willing to pay up to $850 to anyone willing to carry out the deed. She referred to the act as a "hit, a demonstration and a protest." During email exchanges between Lowell and FBI agents, Lowell reportedly stated that she wanted to be present when the murder occurred, so that she could begin handing out animal rights "papers" at the scene. She also stated that murdering a 12 year old child would be "fine" but that she would prefer the victim to be at least 14 if possible. Lowell offered the undercover agent $730 in jewelry to complete the "hit" while providing detailed explanations about how she wanted murder to be performed. "You need to bring a gun that has a silencer on it and that can be easily concealed in your pants pocket or coat. If you do not want to risk the possibility of getting caught with a gun before the job, bring a sharp knife that is (at least) 4-inches long, it should be sharp enough to stab someone and/or slit their throat to kill them. I want the person to be dead in less than two minutes," stated Lowell during another email exchange. Lowell was booked into jail and charged with solicitation to commit murder.
Tech Support Pits: From: Angie Re: Avoid naked directory listing Dear Webby How do I hide the raw directory listing that shows up on folders on my site that have only pictures in them? Angie Dear Angie Just upload any page that is named "index.html". Then that page will be the default page and show. It can be a blank page or have anything you want on it, as long as it is named index.html. When you DO want the file listing to be shown temporarily, rename the index.html to 1index.html. Have FUN! DearWebby
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From Doris: My husband's uncle thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and, also, their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Box Building Blocks When some of us were young we played with "brick" blocks that were made of cardboard. They were large, sturdy, and stack-able and took a lot of abuse. The boxes from juice pouches that are popular now, such as Capri-Sun are just the same size and about as strong. Stuff them with news paper, tape them tightly shut, cover them with what you choose. I have used cloth, brick patterned contact paper, tissue paper and glue - you name it! They are a great frugal replacement for the hard to find, expensive, real thing. By Margaret from Cullowhee NC You can buy a 2 inch thick 2 foot by 8 foot sheet of styrofoam quite cheaply, or get leftover scraps on construction sites. Workers get quite cheerful when you offer to clean up the scraps and haul them away. You can mark a standard block size on them and cut them with any saw, even a bread knife. Also make a few door and window arches, and maybe some balconies. The main advantage of using styrofoam is that it is light weight and soft. When thrown it does not cause any damage or injuries. You can paint styrofoam with water colors or any leftover cheap paint. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed near a local gas station. On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of him. "Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" he asked. "No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds. "It stands for 'Unleaded Fuel Only.' "
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip. Three one way."
» Parrots Galore





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How we change from the first baby to later ones 

Names
First Child:
Your name was inspired by a woman of royalty. She was loved by millions.
Second Child:
Your name was inspired by a beloved member of the family. Everyone loved her.
Third Child:
Your name was inspired by my favorite professional wrestler, Hulk Hogan. He could beat the crap out of anybody.

Holding the new baby
First Child:
We're the only ones who can hold her.
Second Child:
You can hold her, but you have to wash your hands first.
Third Child:
Someone please hold this kid for me!


Food and Feeding
First Child:
I will feed you only pesticide-free organic foods that I've prepared by hand in a carefully-sanitized kitchen.
Second Child:
I will feed you baby foods from a jar that don't have preservatives or additives.
Third Child:
Do you want corn dogs or chili dogs for breakfast?

Safety
First Child:
Don't run in the house. You could fall and hurt yourself.
Second Child:
Don't run with scissors.
Third Child:
Don't play with Daddy's good chainsaw.

Sleeping/Naps
First Child:
You need to go to bed by 8:30.
Second Child:
You need to go to bed by 9:00.
Third Child:
It's 11:30, I'm going to bed. Turn the TV off when you're done.

Television watching
First Child:
You can watch one hour of educational TV per day.
Second Child:
You can watch two hours of regular TV per day.
Third Child:
My TV is broken, can I watch yours?

Bathing
First Child:
Your baths will be a mixture of sparkling spring water and pasteurized milk with essential oils
Second Child:
Your baths will be a mixture of warm water and baby oil
Third Child:
We'll hose you off in the backyard twice a week.



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Lazy 


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Text Editors 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, February 22

Europe is still getting punished for their Gullible Warming
fanaticism, but here we are getting the typical end of 
February weather. In addition to that, it feels like a 
Chinook is helping to melt snow and dry the fields.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In economics the majority is always wrong. — John Kenneth Galbraith In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear. --- John C. Dvorak "The longest word in the english language is the one that follows the phrase, 'And now a word from our sponsor'." --- Hal Eaton
From Trina I just picked up a copy of People's 100 Most Eligible Bachelors. I've searched cover to cover and I still can't find the order form. Trina
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

Jolene had wanted new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. She went to visit her mother for two weeks, and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that beautiful new cabinets had been installed in her kitchen. A few days later, a neighbor came over to visit and after admiring the new cabinets, the neighbor added, "All of us were so glad that the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined to the kitchen."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Crystal Leija, a 32-year-old Port Richey drunk Drunk crashed through a home, then offered to help find the kids buried in the rubble, for $1000 Port Richey, Florida (The Weekly Vice) - Crystal Leija, a 32-year-old Port Richey drunk was jailed Saturday after she became intoxicated, crashed into a family's home and then offered to search for the couple's children for $1,000. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, three adults and four children were asleep in their home around 2:00 a.m. when they were awakened by what sounded like an explosion. When they ran towards the sound, they were shocked by to see their house in shambles, and taillights glowing through a haze of smoke. Investigators say Leija had driven her 1998 Honda Accord completely through the home, destroying a front hall, the living room, the dining room, and a bedroom where two small children, ages 4 and 10, were sleeping. The home-owner's brother-in-law was sleeping in the living room on an air mattress. He escaped with cuts and scratches on his face and arms from flying debris. Leija then stumbled out of the car intoxicated. When she realized that the parents could not find two young children who were sleeping in the bedroom, she offered to help find them the children for $1,000. The victims told Leija to get back into the car and stay put until police arrived. The children were later found amidst the debris, terrified but relatively unharmed. No serious injuries were reported. Leija also reportedly hit a parked car as she was leaving the Lane Glo bowling alley, where the incident began. She then ran over two fences and two mailboxes before crashing into the home. Leija was booked into the Pasco County Jail on charges of driving under the influence causing serious bodily injury, DUI causing personal injury, DUI causing damage to property or person, and leaving the scene of an accident involving property damage. She is being held in lieu of $6,150 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Eric Re: Text Editor Dear Webby I am sick and tired of all the hassles with Notepad, especially with how it changes file names when saving. What do YOU use for text editing? Eric Dear Eric On the servers, which are all UNIX or Linux, I use Nano. It is a newer version of Pico, but with a few more mouse commands. And like Pico, you can use it across all operating systems. It's list of commands is very limited, but they are blazingly fast. It finds a word or phrase in a 250,000 line file faster than you can blink an eye. If you want raw power and only need the most basic commands, then Nano is an excellent choice. http://www.nano-editor.org/download.php There are a few hundred text editors available, and like with email programs, people get extremely defensive and religious about the one, that they have finally learned to operate. With programmers NotePad++ is quite fashionable, and they get very defensive about it. NotePad++ is more or less a fixed Windows Notepad, so if you like NotePad except for the bugs in it, then get NotePad++ UltraEdit goes a bit further, but nowadays is relatively expensive, and not.transferable from one machine to the next one, unless you have the Laplink Mover. Nowadays I use NoteTab. It has a free version, a $20 version and a $30 version. The $20 version was $10 when I got it a few years ago, and it does almost everything I need, and it handles tabs reliably. If you have a dozen tabs open when you reboot, it comes back with those 12 files open. Some day I hope to get the $30 version with the Spell Checker and Thesaurus. You can download it and try it at http://www.notetab.com/downloads.php There is a Comparison of the most common hundred or so text editors on Wikipedia Have FUN! DearWebby
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Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They sit down on a bench to rest for awhile. Soon they overhear voices coming from a secluded spot nearby. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realizes that a young man is about to propose. Not wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment, she gently nudges her husband and whispers, "Whistle to let that young couple know that someone can hear them." To which Murphy replies, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Let Dough Rise in Microwave I love to bake homemade bread and pizza dough and don't really care for bread machine results. When I make breads by hand, I need a nice warm, clean, out of the way place for the dough to rise. I have been putting the dough in my microwave (turned off, of course) and letting it rise there with the best results. It frees up my counter space and is clean and warm. So make use of that idle microwave when in need of a place for dough to rise. I've even got some pizza dough rising in mine right now for entertaining friends later. By blazincopper from Blue Bell, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
John and Bob were two of the bitterest golf rivals at the club. Neither man trusted the others arithmetic. One day they were playing a heated match and watching each other like hawks. After holing out on the fourth green and marking his six on the scorecard, John asked Bob, "What'd you have?" Bob went through the motions of mentally counting up. "Six!" he said and then hastily corrected himself. "No--a five." Calmly John marked the scorecard, saying out loud "Eight!" "Eight?" Bob said, "I couldn't have had eight." John said, "Nope, you claimed six, then changed it to five. But actually you had seven." "Then why did you mark down eight?" asked Bob. John told him, "One stroke penalty, for improving your LIE."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Agnes for this one: I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor hold me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn't speak. The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dangerous procedure." "You're right. I'm being silly," I said, "Please continue." "Good," the nurse went on, "Now, do you have a living will?"
» Lava in Yosemite





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Acid Kit 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, February 21

What is the Russian fleet doing in Syria?
Not much at all. Just sitting there, making sure nobody
does anything rash.

Iran, of course, used that as a way to get their ships,
that they have been hiding in the Mediterranean for just
such an opportunity, to also park in the same Syrian
harbor, sheltered by the big Russian ships.

That, of course, eally annoys Israel. 
They know that Russia will not allow Iran to fire missiles
at Israel from behind Russian ships, but it does knock over
any plans, that Israel may have had.

You can bet, though, that if the Russian fleet leaves Syria
before the Iranian ships, those will mysteriously sink.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Do not talk a little on many subjects, but much on a few. --- Pythagoras The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. --- Lucille Ball
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going." "Why not?" she asked. I'll give you two good reasons." He said. "One, they don't like me,and two, I don't like them." His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church. One, you're 54 years old, and two, you're the pastor!"
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

A couple's happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Eventually, the old girl passed away. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years." His wife looked at him aghast. "My Aunt Emma!" she cried. "I thought she was 'your' Aunt Emma!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Shawn Dickson More than 50 arrests later, once again behind bars A Cape Coral man who has been arrested more than 50 times in the last 20 years, and was recently released from prison, was arrested again Monday night during an undercover drug operation. According to the Cape Coral Police Department, Shawn Dickson, 38, was arrested after an undercover detective purchased a pre-arranged amount of crack cocaine in the parking lot of the Shell Convenience store at 4403 Del Prado Blvd. South. Following the sale, Dickson, who was released from prison in August, was taken into custody. Dickson has more than 50 prior arrests in his record since he was 18, including numerous drug charges, burglary, aggravated battery, and battery on a law enforcement officer.
Tech Support Pits: From: DJ Re: Acid Reflux Dear Webby did you try the acid reflux method advertise on your site? if you did,let me know.my nexiun is $5.00 a pill Dear DJ Yes, I did. I will NEVER again buy any Nexium or any of that stuff, that only hurts me. That is why I talked about it and put a link into the Humor Letter. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The third grade was being given a course in first aid. The question was asked, "What would you do if you had a younger sibling who swallowed a house key?" After a pause, one of the students answered, "I'd climb through the window!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cellophane Instead Of Tape To Keep Drawers Closed When Moving When moving, be careful not to use tape on your furniture to hold dresser or night stand drawers closed. The tape can easily damage the finish, especially in hot weather. Use a self clinging cellophane wrap. It can be purchased on different size rolls at hardware stores, UPS, and office supplies. It can be wrapped around lamps or fragile items also. Source: I learned this from my son who worked in a warehouse and in charge of shipping and receiving. By Linda from Arlington, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Security person: "I heard a ticking sound. I consulted the boss and he said, 'It's dis turban.' So I decided to search de man's turban." Boss: "You idiot! I didn't say it's dis turban. I said it's disturbin'. If you don't change your ways, you'll keep bringing us dishonor." Security person: "Thank you, boss. I couldn't have brought us dis honor without you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Turning 21--- A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink. So when Lars' 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked into Lars' eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in July.
» Mardi Gras @ NOLA





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Why five buttons on a mouse, or seven? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, February 20



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. --- Mark Twain
Fred's teenage daughter has been trying to run away from home for a year, but every time she gets to the front door, the phone rings
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

In the United States during the depression. Two professional men have been reduced to digging ditches as the only work they can find. 1st Man: "Y'know, those Communists seem to have some pretty good ideas." 2nd Man: "Like what?" 1st Man: "If you have two houses, you give me one." 2nd Man: "That sounds fair to me." 1st Man: "If you have two cars, you give me one." 2nd Man: "That sounds fair to me." 1st Man: "If you have two shirts, you give me one." 2nd Man: "Wait a minute. I actually DO have two shirts!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Essie Mae Jones, 48 in Athens, Atlanta Woman asks to smoke crack before going to jail Police say an Athens woman wanted more than her Miranda rights before being taken to jail -- a few hits on her crack pipe. Athens-Clarke County police spokeswoman said officers responded Wednesday afternoon to a residence on Kennedy Circle in Athens, where they found several people pushing and shoving each other. One man involved in the fracas had a stab wound in the abdomen. Officers determined that Essie Mae Jones and the Johnny Michael Jones "had some words, and Essie stabbed Johnny." Johnny Jones was transported to Athens Regional Medical Center, and Essie Mae Jones, 48, was arrested and charged with aggravated assault. But before she was taken into custody, Essie Mae told the arresting officer "that I should at least let her smoke her pipe before I take her to jail, since they won't let her smoke it there", the Athens Banner-Herald reported, citing the police incident report. The officer noted that there was a crack pipe near Jones' feet and that everyone involved in the incident appeared to be intoxicated, according to the report. Her request was denied and she was taken to jail. Jones was also charged with cruelty to children because the stabbing was witnessed by two young children, police said
Tech Support Pits: From: Dan Re: Why five mouse buttons? Dear Webby Why would one need five or seven mouse buttons? I get along fine with two. Dan Dear Dan The third and fourth buttons are on the side of the mouse, one for the thumb and one for the pinky. Usually the thumb button is assigned for COPY, and the pinky button for PASTE. Pushing the scroll wheel straight down is the 5th button. I assign that to be the equivalent of hitting the ENTER key. Mice, that have the software for the 6th and 7th buttons, tilting the scroll wheel left and right, can use that for scrolling horizontally, or for going back or forward. If you need large fonts and use CTRL and the scroll wheel to zoom the fonts, then scrolling sideways is in big demand. Tilting the mouse wheel is a lot simpler, than hunting for and moving the slider at the bottom of the browser. Yes, you CAN operate with an 80's style two button ball mouse, but once you have gotten used to a modern five or seven button laser mouse, you would not be happy to go back to an old ball mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
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In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!" The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "THOAP!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Free Coffee Grounds for Your Garden at Starbucks Used coffee grounds are a great, free fertilizer in your garden. Roses and acid-loving plants love it. Starbucks will give them to you for free! By lindal from Vista, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Office trick for the day: Print a neat little label and glue it onto a piece of metal or cardboard large enough to cover the button panel on the photocopier. Attach it with double-sided tape. On the label print: This copier is now VOICE activated. Please speak loudly and clearly
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When I attended a convention of oil men, the first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. The Texan said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas." The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state in the Union that can out-lie Texas."
» High C





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Best mouse 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, February 19

Thank you Denise in Ft McMurray!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time. --- E. B. White
The visiting American was quite upset by his sudden drop in popularity. During his first two weeks in England, he had been invited everywhere, feted and entertained. Now, quite suddenly, his phone no longer jingled and no invitations crowded his mailbox. Perplexed, he called his friend, Reginald. "Reggie, you can speak frankly with me, what's happened? I'm being virtually ostracized." "Well, old boy," Reggie replied, "you'll remember that fox hunt you went on last weekend? Here in England it's customary to cry 'Tally-ho!' when you sight the fox--not, I'm afraid, 'There goes the little son of a bitch!'"
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

Thanks to Liz for this: Want to know what we stay-at-home moms do all day? We smoke pot, drink beer and watch soap operas all day. Then, at 4:59 pm we wave our magic wand, and all the chores are done.
I found out today, that the orchid picture, that Dianne had sent in a few days ago, after she harvested a small version of it from some other list, appaently was taken by somebody named Anita. Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Benjamin John Phillips Jr., 23, and Benjamin Michael O’Neill, 22 Brothers arrested when getaway car stalls PORT CHARLOTTE, Fla.- Charlotte County Sheriff's detectives arrested two Port Charlotte brothers for stealing copper items and tools from a stilt home Monday afternoon. Benjamin John Phillips Jr., 23, and Benjamin Michael O’Neill, 22, both of 104 Martin Drive were arrested. CCSO received a call at 12:51 p.m. from the owner of the home at 17029 Granville Avenue who said she heard noises under the home. She saw two men pushing a car out of her driveway. They were then taking items out of the trunk and putting into another vehicle, then drove off. Stolen were copper plumbing items and tools in a green bin. Deputies arrived and located a Buick Lesabre with no occupants. While preparing to have the car towed, Phillips arrived and said his car broke down and he left to get a ride. Phillips and O’Neil were taken in for further questioning. They said they were out “scrapping” and pulled into the driveway. They saw the items in a green bin and put it in their car. The car wouldn’t start, so they pushed it into the ditch in front of the home and left to look for a ride. A neighbor drove them to their stalled car and they put the bin of stolen item in the back of the vehicle and the neighbor then drove them to their home on Martin Drive. In their investigation, detectives obtained permission to search their home and located the stolen items. Phillips and O’Neil were taken to the Charlotte County Jail and were both charged with Burglary and Grand Theft. Phillips was also charged with Violation of Probation. Both remain in jail; Phillips on $5,500 bond and O’Neill on $5,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Best mouse Dear Webby What is the best mouse for a reasonable price? Alex Dear Alex The Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer or similar mice, that are just about the same with just a different name and price, are a pretty good deal. An example is the Microsoft Wireless Mobile mouse. Same 7 button deal, with 2 buttons, the wheel tilt switches, not recognized by Windows 7 software. Those mice work well, but eat batteries. You better have some rechargeable abtteries on hand, and a charger. Logitech of course has the same mice, forslightly higher price and better software. They also have models with a portable phone style rechargeable battery built in, and a charger stand. You just stand the mouse into it, when it is not in use. Nice, but you definitely pay for it. Wired versions are still available too, but rarely last more than a year. They all seem to die a week after the warranty runs out. There are also clones of Microsoft and Logitech mice, with slightly different packaging. However, if you have never heard the company name before, you most likely won't hear it again in the future. I had been saving up for a rechargeable Logitech mouse, but had to murder that piggy bank for food, and instead fixed the cable to an otherwise still perfectly good Microsoft mouse. The original cable always goes bad where it enters the mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"Hey, Jon, Judi suggested I take up a new sport this summer," Daniel said. "That's nice. It shows she has your best interest at heart. Did she make any suggestions?" "As a matter of fact, she did. Do you have any idea how to play 'Russian Roulette with a shotgun'?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Gravel Under Outdoor Faucet You can keep an outdoor faucet or pump from turning the surrounding area to mud, if you dig out a hole beneath the water spout and replace the soil with rocks or gravel. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said. "No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole in a thunder storm."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I met a friend the other day. She was wearing leotards under her slacks to keep her legs warm. I said "Do those really keep them warm?" She said, "Yes, only one big problem, though. They are so air tight that, when I fart, they blow my shoes off!
» High Seas





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Clean site about space 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, February 18

Thank you Denise in Ft McMurray!

Remember the town of Lech in Austria, that I mentioned a 
couple of days ago? Dutch prince Friso, who has been skiing 
there in Lech every year since he was a toddler, decided 
yesterday to disregard the avalanche warnings and the
signs forbidding skiing outside of the groomed runs, climbed
over a fence to ski down a gulley in the 70 cm of fresh, new
powder snow.

Quite predictably, the suicidal dumb-ass triggerd a little
avalanche, and since he was not wearing an inflatable
avalanche pack, sort of like an oversize life jacket that 
helps a person to stay on top in a situation like that,
he got buried in the snow. It took twenty minutes to dig
him out, and he had to be resuccitated. 

Powder avalanches are often deadly. He was of course 
helicoptered to the nearest University hospital, but is still
in critical condition there. Queen Beatrix and a herd of
relatives are at his bed side. He may live, but he might not.

Skiing on the groomed runs and the safe powder runs 
was not affected by his stupid stunt.

I have frequently skied in that area as a youngster.
When seeing the avalanche warning signs and the rope,
it was fun to stop for a smoke and watch. Often those
small gulley avalances went off on their own, sometimes
you could set them off by yelling, at other times, it took
some dumb-ass to ski down through it.

In those days, we didn't have beepers or avalanche packs,
but we trailed an avalanche cord, similar to parachute cord,
but with a green and brown tracer woven into it. The brown
tracer was towards the person. By pulling and following the
rope, you usually got to the buried person quickly, often
before they died.

However, a lot of us were smart enough to heed the avalanche
signs and were content with watching them go off.

--------------------

While trying to look up a bit of info about acid reflux and
possible remedies, I found out, that the FDA has done a
turn-about and backed away from the standard, well known
acid reducer pills.

Then I found out, that acid problems are just a symptom,
not a cause, and suppressing the symptoms is about as dumb
as wearing welder's glasses, so that you don't see your pants 
are on fire.

Luckily there are natural remedies, that fix the cause, 
and eliminate the need for suppressing uncomfortable symptoms.

After checking it out, I arranged to become an affiliate, so 
that you can get the books, that let you take care of it naturally,
with items, that you probably already have in the fridge or pantry.
The ad for that is further down. You get 11 books with that deal.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that? --- Lisa Claymen The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing. --- Henry S. Haskins Pro is to con as progress is to Congress. --- Socratex Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you say when your kids are teenagers don't reach them till they're in their 40s. --- Socratex
Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her." "Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her." "Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you that she told me."
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

During a recent business trip to Boeing's Everett, Washington factory, I noticed several 747 and 777 airliners being assembled. Before the engines were installed, huge weights were hung from the wings to keep the planes balanced. The cast iron weights were bright yellow and black and marked, "14,000 lbs." But what I found particularly interesting was some stenciling I discovered on the side of each weight. Imprinted there was the warning: "Remove before flying."
Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Frank Lee Turner, 56 in Ambridge, PA Mumbled himself into jail AMBRIDGE, Pa. - A western Pennsylvania man is jailed on drug charges because police say something other than a confession came out of his mouth when he was hit with a stun gun. The Beaver County Times ( http://bit.ly/AqnSRP) reports that 56-year-old Frank Lee Turner was mumbling when Ambridge police stopped a car in which he was a passenger on Feb. 5. The truck was stopped because it had three passengers but only two seatbelts. Turner tried to leave the area, and when cops tried to stop him, mumbled and then put up a fight. After he knocked one cop's cap and cool shades off, he was tased, and dropped some crack. However, to spit out the rest, he had to be tased some more. Turner was charged with resisting arrest, assault of a police officer and various related charges, as well as possession of narcotics for the purpose of trafficing. Turner remained in the county jail Tuesday, unable to post bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Brenda Re: Clean site about space Dear Webby Do you have a link to a site about space that does not have ads that may be unsuitable for kids? Thanks Brenda Dear Brenda You can use the NASA link in the side menu, or CoolCosmos That site is very educational for young and old and I have Never seen any objectionable ads on it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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An reasonably wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "With that one, your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90 and have a heart condition."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Pet Blankets from Recycled T-Shirts A great way to use T-shirts that are no longer wearable is to make a pet blanket or throw. Just cut the center out of the T-shirt and sew each square together. Fold the outside edges under to hem. You can donate these to a local pet shelter. They can use them for bedding, drying animals, or most anything. This recycling idea keeps those T-shirts out of the landfills, and also helps much deserving animals. By Bittyfrog from Tupelo, MS Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink... GIRL : Why not ? BOY : I'm broke.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Jessica for this: I was playing tooth fairy when my daughter, Marina, suddenly woke up. Seeing the money in my hand, she cried out, "I caught you!" I froze and tried to think of an explanation for why I, instead of the tooth fairy, was putting the money under her pillow but her next words let me off the hook. "You put that money back!" she said indignantly. "The tooth fairy left that for me!"
» The Immortal Jellyfish





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Removing Harddrives 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, February 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



While trying to look up a bit of info about acid reflux and
possible remedies, I found out, that the FDA has done a
turn-about and backed away from the standard, well known
acid reducer pills.

Then I found out, that acid problems are just a symptom,
not a cause, and suppressing the symptoms is about as dumb
as wearing welder's glasses, so that you don't see your pants 
are on fire.

Luckily there are natural remedies, that fix the cause, 
and eliminate the need for suppressing uncomfortable symptoms.

After checking it out, I arranged to become an affiliate, so 
that you can get the books, that let you take care of it naturally,
with items, that you probably already have in the fridge or pantry.
The ad for that is further down. You get 11 books with that deal.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the library. --- Westheimer's Discovery The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream. --- Harry Kemp
During an arctic training exercise in Alaska a cold snap played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed new battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what else could go wrong when the door flew open and a soldier rushed in and announced, "Hey, captain, the northern lights are out! Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, "Well, don't tell me! Go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the damn things!"
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

A vacationing golfer was out playing on a course that he had never played before. He hired a caddie from the pro shop to show him the layout of the course, and help him decide what shots to play. On the first tee, the golfer missed his shot, and it dribbled forward about 15 yards. He was slightly embarrassed, but determined to play a better second shot. He hit his second shot into the bordering fairway, and his third shot into a sand trap. By the time he holed out on this Par 4, he was 6 over par. The man turned to his caddie and said, "Well, I have never played this badly before!" To which the caddie replied, "What game are you playing, Sir ?"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kierra Reed, 22, in Cincinnatti, Ohio Attempted murder over lack of Valentines present FEBRUARY 15--Angered that her boyfriend did not buy her a Valentine’s Day gift, an Ohio woman last night attacked the man, who barricaded himself inside a bedroom as she threatened to stab and kill him with a kitchen knife, police allege. According to investigators, Reed got into an argument with Henry Brown when she did not receive a Valentine’s Day present from him. Reed, cops allege, initially pushed and scratched Brown, who sought refuge in the apartment’s bedroom While Brown was locked in the bedroom, Reed "threatened to kill him and cut him," according to a sheriff's report. She then got a knife and “began cutting the door in an attempt to get to the victim." Hamilton County Sheriff's Office deputies busted Kierra Reed, a 22-year-old Cincinnati resident, for aggravated menacing, a misdemeanor. If the threatening and knife handling had been done by the male, he would have been charged with attempted murder. Reed, named today in a Municipal Court complaint, posted $2500 bail this morning to secure her release from the county lockup.
Tech Support Pits: From: Dick Re: Removing hard drives Hi Webby, For the woman who you told to remove her hard drive, if she has a complicated laptop like my Dell, she might want to look online for insructions like I did on how to take it apart. And she might want to use an egg carton to hold the various sized screws and label them as to size. I practically had to remove everything on the computer to clean the dust out of the heat sink. Dick Dear Dick Yes, there are good youTube videos out there, that show how to remove or replace hard drives, keyboards, fans, etc. With more modern machines the use of screws is kept to a minimum, and usually nowadays there is only one or two types of screws per mashine, everything else is held by plastic spring clips, IF you approach from the correct side. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Water Plants With Leftover Tea Don't throw out your leftover tea. Instead feed it to your indoor or outdoor plants for an extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened tea only. By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves. Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he is the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another one on the way, so call back later." At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth one is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch. Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording is still going strong: "The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last one was a duck."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him. "I don't have to," the little boy replied. "Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house," Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"
» The Immortal Jellyfish





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How to transfer files to a new computer 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, February 16

People in England apparently are no longer fanatic about
Gullible Warming. No more Jewish Mother-in-Law type 
guilt mongering and trying to worry you by insisting, "Well.
it COULD happen. Are you sure it could not?"

These days, if you mention Gullible Warming in England,
they tell you: "Shut up and shovel the damn snow."!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. --- George F. Will People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure. --- Russell Baker
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. Today is Thursday, the day YOU drive."
Web Design Mastery - Professional Web Design Made Easy A Professional Web Site Design Course That Contains Over 500 Pages Of Quality Information, Codes And Examples.
Very valuable programs and bonuses included.
You make back the cost of the course five times or MORE on the first site you design. And you keep the course and the programs! Get it now! Web Design Mastery - Professional Web Design Made Easy

One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked "What is the Gross National Product?". The little boy pondered for a minute and replied "Spinach ? Broccoli ?"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click through for the large version. No Gullible Warming in venice, Italy
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sacred Heart Catholic Academy in Shawano, Wisconsin Benched student for saying two phrases in native language SHAWANO, WISCONSIN - Miranda, a 12 year old Menominee basketball player who was suspended for one game for saying "Ketapanen" in her ancestral Native language, which means "I love you." She, along with two other Menominee students, were discussing how to say words in Menominee. Their teacher freaked out and lost control. She ran to the studen't desk, slammed her hand on the student's desk, screamed at her, and got her suspended from the basketball game. The town Shawano is a few miles south of the Menominee reserve and Shawano is "South" in Menomine. Nobody freaks out and acts like a paranoid lunatic coming off crack, when the name of the town is spoken.. The Sacred Heart Catholic Academy backs up that teacher and has not sent her for psychiatric evaluation. According to them, it is all the girl's fault for talking in Native language in front of somebody, who acts like a paranoid lunatic, and who might assumes she was cussing or talking about her.
Tech Support Pits: From: Dave Re: Transferring pictures Dear Webby I have about 15000 digital photos, all titled and arranged in folders. I also have a new computer. Is there any way to get the pictures, titles and folders into the new computer easily. The program I tried just put the pictures on the CD, nothing else. Thanks for your help. Dave Dear Dave The Deluxe way would be to use the Laplink Mover It does that and even re-installs programs on the new machine. Since that is probably too easy for you, here is the second best way to do it: Get a $12 external hard drive case for the drive of the old computer. There are various cases available, and you need one to match the size and style of the drive. Then simply snap the drive into that case, plug it into a USB port on the new machine, and it shows up as a second hard drive. Then you can either leave the stuff on it and use it as is, or drag it onto the #1 drive. Taking the drive out of the old machine is quite easy. On newer machines you just wiggle some plastic holders, on older machines, there are a few little screws, that require a Philips screw driver. Just keep in mind that the machine was assembled by robots in China. If something does not come loose or apart easily, then you are not pulling on the right part or in the right order. Don't try to do it under the desk in the dark. Bring the old machine out and onto a table in good light. That makes a huge difference. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Now it all makes sense! And on the 8th day God said, "OK Murphy, you take over."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Sheets Inside Pillowcases This tip will save you looking for a matching bottom and top sheet with matching pillowcases. Put folded sheets and one of the pillowcases inside one of the pillowcases. Next, place a used dryer sheet in also and it will keep them smelling sweet. Everything can be stored neatly in its own case! No more hunting for a matching set. Saves time and the sheets smells fresh because of the dryer sheet! By Dwedenoja from New Creek, WV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A grumpy, overbearing office manager once had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses, bossing them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who would stand up to him. She walked into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for a few minutes he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry," the nurse said, "For this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After inserting the thermometer, she said, "Now, I have to go get something. You stay just like that until I get back!" She left the door to his room open on her way out, and the man cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door snickering. After quite some time had passed, a doctor walked into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?" After a pause, the doctor replied, "Yes... but never with a DAFFODIL!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
How Government Works Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a timekeeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people. Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary. Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $418,000 over budget, we must cut back overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.
» Eclectic Doha





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Boss Key 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, February 15
Thank you Maggie

It is -16 right now, but supposed to go above freezing by noon.
No snow forecast for a week, and fairly mild daytime temperatures.
With any luck, I;ll get out of having to shovel the sidewalk and
driveway.

Europe is getting the hint about Gullible Warming. It seems, 
the countries, that were the most fanatic about the CO2 BS,
and Carbon Tax con, andbelieved, they could retire the snow
blowers and invest in green stuff, got hit the hardest. 
Now some, like Serbia, are considering suing the perpetrators 
of the Gullible Warming hoax. Sweden is mulling over ways
they can pull back some Nobel prizes, that were awarded
without adequate consideration.

The weather in Europe is by no means a record. Those, who
watch the cycles, knew what was coming, and dusted off the
old snow blower.

1414, the year the Council Of Constance of the Catholic church
started, where they got rid of two popes and elected a new one,
had the same weather, and the carriage of one of the popes
got stuck in the snow and tipped over. One of the hotels in Lech
has a painting of that event on it's front.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. --- Evelyn Waugh Those who speak most of progress measure it by quantity and not by quality. --- George Santayana Those who boast of their decent, brag on what they owe to others. --- Socratex
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white? Were you really THAT wicked ?"
Web Design Mastery - Professional Web Design Made Easy A Professional Web Site Design Course That Contains Over 500 Pages Of Quality Information, Codes And Examples.
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face". "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet and turn them red?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Ricardo Luna, 26, Texas Tried to pay for lap dance with crack A man faces two felony charges after authorities say he tried to pay for a lap dance at a strip club using crack cocaine early Sunday morning, then attacked a security guard and resisted arrest. Ricardo Luna, 26, has been charged with retaliation and resisting arrest, according to Travis County Jail records. He remains in custody on $45,000 bail. According to an arrest affidavit, Travis County sheriff’s deputies were dispatched to the XTC Men’s Club on Andtree Boulevard in East Austin around 4 a.m. Sunday. A security officer told the deputies that Luna attempted to buy a lap dance using drugs and was escorted out of the club, the affidavit said. In the process, Luna kicked the security guard in the leg, the affidavit said. Luna appeared to be intoxicated and made several racial slurs toward the deputies, the affidavit said. He refused to enter a patrol vehicle until he was threatened with a Taser, and when he did he kicked the door from the inside, the affidavit said. Deputies had to secure his legs with a tarp, and in the process Luna kicked one of them, the affidavit said. He also spit blood and saliva over the deputies, and beat his head against the cage inside the vehicle before passing out prior to his arrival at Central Booking, the affidavit said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Elvira Re: Boss Key Dear Webby I need a hot-key to instantly hide what I am doing. I write poetry and sometimes get quite mushy. When my brothers catch me at it, they tease me for weeks and months about it. I heard that there is a boss-key that people use at work to hide their games or email when the boss comes around, but I don't know how to set that up. Thanks Elvira Dear Elvira There are several Boss-Key programs available, however the simplest and best is still ALT TAB. Open a spreadsheet or any other program, that has a similar colored background, and open it to full screen size. Hit ALT TAB to jump to your previously active ALT TAB will jump you to the previously active program, in which you were composing poetry. Each time you hit ALT TAB Windows will jump instantly to the previously active program. If you size the writing program a bit smaller, so that the spreadsheet is visible around the edges, clicking on the spreadsheet will make that active and cover the writing program. If your hand is on the mouse, then use that trick, if your hands are on the keyboard, use the ALT TAB Open Have FUN! DearWebby
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I was waiting to talk to the pharmacist at the local drug store about his web site when a sweet young lady from the neighborhood came in. She had just recently gotten married. She was looking at the men's toiletries. and the clerk asked her if she needed any assistance. I heard her say, "Well, I'm looking for some deodorant for my new husband , but I don't know what kind he uses." The clerk asked, "Is it the ball type?" I almost lost it when she responded, "Oh No ...It's for under his arms."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Flavored Drinks with Soda Water Use carbonated spring water, which is available cheaply from chains like Asda (Walmart in US), to make up orangeade, lemonade, etc. This enables you to have a wide choice of fizzy drinks without either buying big bottles of pop which go flat quickly, or individual cans/bottles which cost more. By Verity Eileen from Norfolk, UK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Q: What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night? A: His Last name
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An Texan, a Scot and a Californian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the Texan, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the Texan, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Californian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew was back here." "That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the Texan, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Californian was waiting for the government to pay his."
» With Thine EYES Only





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Happy Valentines Day! 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, February 14

Happy Valentines Day!

I Love You in all languages is at
http://webby.com/iloveyou.html

It is way too big to put here, but you can easily bookmark 
that page.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders." --- Nietzsche
Bob and his wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a big, muddy hole in the road and the car became bogged down. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. Bob readily accepted and minutes later the car was free. Bob looked at the muddy tracks around the puddle and remarked that a lot of cars must be getting stuck there. "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today, the farmer said" Bob looked around at the fields incredulously and asked the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? You must do it at night." "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole. My wife plows and disks the farm with the tractor."
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A drunk goes to the doctor complaining of tiredness and headaches. "I feel tired all the time, my head hurts, I've got a sore butt, and I'm not sleeping. What is it, Doc?" The doctor examines him thoroughly and says, "I can't find anything wrong. It must be the drinking." "Fair enough," replied the lush. "Happens to me too. I'll come back when you sober up."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Andrea Ebert, 30 in Cameron, WI Teacher emailed naked pictures of herself to two students and had sex with them Cameron, WI (The Weekly Vice) - Andrea Ebert, a 30-year old special education teacher at Rice Lake Middle School was jailed Friday after she allegedly had sex with two students. According to police, an investigation began Wednesday after detectives received a tip alleging sexual abuse between Ebert and two 17-year-old male students. Investigators say Ebert admitted to having sex with both students between November 9, 2011 and January 31, 2012. Ebert also allegedly sent the boys over a dozen nude photographs of herself. When one of the teens told Ebert he was worried that she could get in trouble for the affair, Ebert reportedly assured him that if he stayed quiet, nothing would happen. Ebert, who has children herself, allegedly brought both boys to her home for the sexual encounters. No sexual encounters are believed to have occurred on school property. Ebert was taken into custody at the school and then transported to the police station for questioning. She was booked into the Barron County Jail and charged with two counts of sexual assault of a student by school staff. She was released after posting $5,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: Browser losing previous page Dear Webby It seems every time I go into http://angelwinks.net and check how my card looks and I find a spelling error or want to add a line I click "edit card" , go back to make changes & everything has dissapeared. Some of my cards I send are poems I do on-the-spot and don't have a copy. This happens all the time. What do I do? John B Dear John Set the cache of your browser to refresh every time you open the browser, not every time you open a page. In the browser click on TOOLS Internet Options General Settings Every Time You Start Internet Explorer Then hit OK a few times. From then on Internet Explorer won't delete your work. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The CIA loses track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words, 'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in a pub in Dublin. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, who's president of our local savings bank. There's Murphy the Blacksmith, who works at the stables. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives right down the street, but he usually doesn't come in here till around 8 PM."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Coupons We only eat out as a family if we have a coupon to do so. But keeping track of all those dining out coupons can be difficult. I created a coupon file just for this purpose. Using a small check organizer file, I labeled sections with titles such as: fast food, ice cream, pizza, buffet, diners, etc. There is even a section for entertainment (bowling, mini golf, movies). We keep this file in our car along with my grocery coupon file so we remember to use them before their expiration dates. By Deb from Manchester, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception? A: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives. Q: What is a wedding tragedy? A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money. Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves? A: Buy her a nice ring. Q: What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Command- ments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without hesitating or thinking about it, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
» Seedy & Scandalous Lore of St. Valentine





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Comebacks 

Comebacks to the age old question: "Why aren't you married yet?"

You haven't asked yet.

I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.

What? And spoil my great life?

Because I just love hearing this question.

It gives my mother something to live for.

My fiance is awaiting parole.

I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss America.

I'm waiting until I get to be your age.

It didn't seem worth a blood test.

I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.

I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.

What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?

I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.

Why aren't you thin?

I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.



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How to type symbols and odd characters on laptops 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, February 13


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream." --- C. S. Lewis
A profesor at the University of Pennsylvania was known for giving boring, cliche-ridden lectures. At the beginning of one semester, an innovative class breathed new life into the course by assigning baseball plays to each hackneyed phrase. For example, when the professor said, "On the other hand," that counted as a base hit. "By the same token" was a strike out; "and so on" counted as a stolen base. Divided into two teams by the center aisle of the lecture hall, the students played inning after inning of silent but vigorous baseball. Since the professor walked back and forth, whatever he said while on one side, counted for that time, what he said while on the other side, counted for the other team. On the last day of class, the impossible happened: the score was tied and bases were loaded. Then he hit a home run! The winning team stood and cheered wildly. Though deeply appreciative, the professor later was quoted as wondering why only half of the students had been enthusiastic about his lectures.
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Thanks to Boris for this: When I was a kid, my dad and I had a running joke. If anyone asked what he did for a living, I always said, "He's a sports mechanic. He fixes boxing matches and horse races." Once I answered a teacher this way. She flipped out and summoned my parents. Dad calmed her down by explaining it was a joke. "So what DO you do?" she asked. Dad, a sales rep for a pharmaceutical company said, "I sell drugs."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jennifer Mahoney, 32 in Manalapan, NJ Molesting a child and streaming the assault on the Internet Jennifer Mahoney, a 32-year-old New Jersey woman has been jailed after she molested a 5-year-old girl while streaming the assault live on the Internet. According to police, an investigation began last month when Texas authorities raided a man's home and discovered three videos on his computer that showed a woman engaged in sexual contact with a sleeping 5-year-old girl. Detectives quickly identified the woman as Mahoney and learned that the little girl she had allegedly molested was a child she had been trusted to babysit. Investigators say two of the videos show Mahoney laughing as she molested the girl with her hands. She is then seen licking the little girl's buttocks. Those videos were streamed live over the Internet using her Skype account. The third video shows Mahoney abusing the child in a bathtub while filming it with her iPhone. In that video, Mahoney is seen asking the girl to lean over so she can be rinsed. But instead of rinsing the girl, Mahoney can be seen inserting her fingers into the girl's vagina. Although Mahoney was initially arrested on state charges in December, federal charges were filed on Thursday. She was booked into Monmouth County Jail on two felony counts of exploitation of a child. She remains jailed in lieu of $250,000 bond. Each charge of child sexual exploitation carries a mandatory penalty of 15 to 30 years in prison. Mahoney's attorney states his client will plead not guilty at her next hearing
Tech Support Pits: From: Walter Re: Symbols and characters Dear Webby I sincerely hope that your eye problem will be taken care of speedily! My question concerns where can I find the symbol and characters list other than within 'Word?' As always my thanks, Walter Dear Walter Try http://webby.com/humor/char.html I had them up there for ages. It is one of the most copied web pages. If you are stuck with a laptop, that does not have a numeric keypad, then it gets awkward. Some laptops have a numeric keypad hidden in the keyboard, same as some of the functions. They are hard to see and a real nuisance to use. Most people get a regular external keyboard anyway, rather than ruin their wrists on a small laptop keyboard. I have done that since the mid 90's and taken a keyboard along into the desert and up the mountains, and of course also use it in the office. The alternative is to go to. http://webby.com/humor/char.html, copy the character you want, and paste it to where you need it. And buy a $12 keyboard next time you are in town. If you have an old keyboard lying around somewhere under some workbench, use that! They just plug into any unused USB port on the laptop or on a USB hub plugged into the laptop. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Phil and Jill had been married for many years but now were in divorce court. The judge asked, "Phil, is it true that the last three years of your marriage, you did not speak to Jill?" Phil replies, "Yes Judge, that is correct." "And how do you explain this unusual conduct?" the judge inquires. Phil replies, "Your Honor, my Ma told me not to interrupt when a woman is speaking."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to Remove Paint Transfer My husband went ballistic when he saw a scrape on my car bumper. My grandkids ride their bikes, etc. and he just knew someone had "nicked" the paint on the bumper. I took a tiny bit of a Mr. Clean sponge and gently scrubbed the "nick". It was gone in no time and not a trace of anything remained. Disaster averted. I even got rid of a few more that looked like nicks! By Halfwhit from Ashdown, AR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Laura was attending her High School reunion and was having a blast. As the evening was drawing to a close, the master of ceremonies for the night proceeded to hand out bottles of champagne to the graduates who had traveled the farthest distance to attend the reunion, the graduate who had been married the longest time, the graduate who had become the most successful, etc. Laura wondered if she was going to get a prize too. Sure enough, the master of ceremonies called out her name. "Laura, you win with 11 kids." and then, trying to be clever, he added: "And champagne is only half the prize. The other half is a giant, economy size bottle of aspirin." "Don't bother with the aspirin," Laura replied. "It's obvious with this many kids, that I've never had a headache !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
How is playing the bagpipes like throwing a javelin blindfolded? You don't have to be good to get everyone's attention.
» Debi's lens





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Forcing Outlook and Outlook Express to show pictures 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, February 12
Vision is still a strain, but now t feels just like I was 
wearing somebody elses glasses, and that, with the proper
glasses, I could see OK.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. --- Euripides A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. --- Bill Vaughan
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the latin term so I can tell my wife."
Web Design Mastery - Professional Web Design Made Easy A Professional Web Site Design Course That Contains Over 500 Pages Of Quality Information, Codes And Examples.
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Cindy noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. She commented, "I don't think that's going to help." "Sure it does." he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Dalisha Adams, 26, in Brooklyn, NY Abandoned toddlers at busy intersection Brooklyn, New York (The Weekly Vice) Dalisha Adams, a 26-year old Brooklyn woman was jailed Sunday after she dumped her two young daughters onto the street before driving off. According to Brooklyn police, Adams reportedly left her two daughters, ages 2 and 3, on the street around 3:00 p.m.. Police were dispatched to the scene after receiving a 911 from and elderly couple who found the children standing alone next to a busy intersection. The New York City Administration for Children's Services (ACS) was able to identify Adams and her children through pictures previously taken of them. Investigators say the children were found near their grandmother's residence, however the grandmother was unaware that the children had been abandoned. She told police that she had no idea that the girls had been left alone until she saw their photographs on a local news station. She is now attempting to gain full custody of the girls, who were taken to the Brookdale University Hospital for observation, and then placed in protective custody with ACS. Adams' neighbors say they regularly heard Adams berating her daughters, cussing and shouting at them with foul- mouthed rants that could be heard throughout the apartment complex. They say Adams blew up at the girls a short time before they were discovered abandoned, shouting "Stop crying. Shut the (expletive) up. I'm going to get you out of here." Adams was booked into jail and charged with child endangerment.
Tech Support Pits: From: Connie Re: No pictures in mail Dear Webby Lately I have been receiving attachments and pictures and all I can see on them is a red X in the corner. Why can't I see them? Connie Dear Corrine Sounds like you are handicapped with Outloock Express. That's just some settings in Outloock Express. I don't allow Outloock Express within 10 feet of any Webby machine, but I found an answer with Google: To re-enable the images and external content in HTML e-mail, use the following steps. Open Outlook Express. In Outlook Express, from the Tools menu, click Options. In the Options dialog box, click the Security tab, and then take the checkmark off the line that says: "Block images and other external content in HTML e-mail" There might be more Outluck settings you have to check, but that one seems to have helped most people. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The little daughter of a lieutenant answered a telephone call while her parents were out. A man called, identifying himself as Colonel Hendrick. She asked if he would please spell the name slowly. He said, "H as in horse, E as in egg, N as in nose, D as in doggie, R as in rabbit, I as in Indian, C as in cat, K as in kite." When her father returned, he found the following message: "Daddy, call Colonel Horseeggnosedoggierabbitindiancatkite."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Create Stick Sculptures to Attract Birds This tip is "for the birds" in your garden. I don't throw away large sticks that fall during storms, instead I keep them and use them to make stick sculptures for the birds. They add whimsy to my garden and the birds LOVE to land on them because after all they are sticks from real trees. I started with a plain garden hook and just attached the sticks as I found them and it's an ever changing sculpture. You can add birdhouses or anything you want to, but I guarantee you that the birds will land on it and land on it often! By Jeanasina from Richfield, MN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A Classic! A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York, where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm,............. better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?" So she ascends another flight of stairs. The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more, further up!" And again she heads up another flight. The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak...sexy...great lovers. "Oh, mercy me! But just think ... what must be awaiting me on the last floor?" So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day. Just for fun, they opened a wife store across the street. On the first floor, the sign read: These women love cooking and sex and speak only sign language. The deep dust on the stairs to the second floor has never been disturbed yet.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When I got out of the Navy I answered a want-ad for a forklift operator at a soft-drink bottling company. I was taken on a tour of the plant by the warehouse foreman who stressed how important it was not to break any bottles. "In the Navy," I explained, "I wasn't allowed any mistakes with the forklift either." "What did you handle?" "Bombs."
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Increase font size in received POP email 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, February 11

It is 06:45 am. I can ead a bit, still mostly guessing.

First they super-dilated my eyes at 10:am, gave me some 
intravenous yellow dye, and took tons of flash pictures of the 
inside of the eye

Then they froze the good right eye, and injected Avastin 
through it into the back of it.
And told me to not rub it and not let water near it for two days,
and taped a patch over it.

Avastin is not covered by Alberta Health and is $75 cash.
Just like dope downtown.
OUCH!
Actually, I have no clue what dope costs these days,
but I can usually stretch $75 into two weeks of groceries.

Avastin is supposed to reduce the sweling at the backof 
the eye, that is caused by diabetes.

Ifyou wrote to me on Friday or overnight, please don't expect 
a swift answer. It is still an awful strain to read and having to
guess at most words..
Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president. --- Johnny Carson
A young Nun who worked for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, there was a gas station just one block away. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up. The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas can he loaned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly. Since the nun was on her way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car, two men watched her from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, "I know that the Lord turned water into wine, but if that car starts, I'm going to church every Sunday for the rest of my life."
Web Design Mastery - Professional Web Design Made Easy A Professional Web Site Design Course That Contains Over 500 Pages Of Quality Information, Codes And Examples.
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An older man was married to a younger woman. After several years of being happily married, the man had a heart attack. The doctor advised him that to prolong his life, he would have to stop having sex with his wife. The man and his wife discussed the matter and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs to save them both from temptation. One night, after several weeks, he decided that life without sex wasn't worth living. So he headed upstairs. He met his wife on the staircase and said, "I was coming up to die." She laughed and replied, "And I was coming down to kill you!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Bryant McClinton, 24 Man punched stranger because she 'looked at him funny Bryant McClinton, 24, is jailed on battery charges after he punched a woman several times because she “looked at him funny.’’ According to police, Bryant and the woman were walking in opposite directions down a Chicago street during lunchtime on Monday when the attack happened. Bryant punched the 23-year-old woman, knocking the woman and her purse to the ground, then he punched her several times before fleeing. Several passersby gave chase and he was captured by police a short time later. While being interrogated by police, he told them he punched the woman “because she looked at him funny.'' The woman was treated for head and face injuries and was released from a hospital that night.
Tech Support Pits: From: Me Re: Increase font size of received email How do you increase the font size of received email, if you are not using a browser based webmail? Hit REPLY or Forward. Then you can change fonts, font size, color, anything you want. If you decide not to answer right then, jut close it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Bobby, a devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences on uncle Jack's farm. Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, with great joy..."It's a miracle!" "Not Really," said the cow. "Your name is written inside the cover."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Hand Sanitizer to Clean Glasses One of the best products I've found to completely clean the lenses on eyeglasses is hand sanitizer. I've tried many glass cleaning products and have always dealt with residue from hair spray or other smears. I rub a small amount of hand sanitizer on both sides of the lens and wipe thoroughly with a paper towel. The glass is perfectly clean. By Glenna from Gulfport, FL My favorite is "Simple Green Automotive Spray Cleaner". It is a safe, non-toxic but VERY powerful cleaner, that is actually ment for mechanics. It comes in pistol grip spray bottles, I spray itonto my glasses, wait about as long as it takes for the water to be good and hot at the tap, and rinse. That's all. I don't put my gritty or greasy fingers or any gritty cloth onto the lenses. I just rinse with hot water. There may be a tiny drop or two of water left on the lenses, but gently tapping the glasses onto a not too hard surface, causes those drops to fall off. If they don't, no big deal. Same as on dishes and glassware, that is drying in the drying rack beside the sink, those drops will evaporate off cleanly. The less often the lenses and their pricey coating is touched, the longer they last. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme?'" she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children." "Is that a record?" she inquired, puzzled in her turn. "I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Winters are fierce where Angus McGinty lives, so the owner of the estate felt He was doing a good deed when he bought earmuffs for his foreman. Noticing, however, that the foreman wasn't wearing the earmuffs even on the bitterest day, the landlord asked, "Didn't you like the muffs?" The Foreman said, "They're a thing of beauty." "Why don't you wear them?" The Foreman explained, "I was wearing them the first day, and somebody offered to buy me a whiskey, but I didn't hear him! Never again, never again!"
» Pets in Water





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Excel versus Quattro 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, February 10
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Today, Friday, I have to go for an eye exam and find out,
whether I need an operation.
Depending on the outcoome, there might be some irregularity
with the Humor Letter. I hope not, but hav no idea, wheat they
will decide to do.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I like life. It's something to do. --- Ronnie Shakes I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it. --- Thomas Jefferson The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. --- Robert Frost I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days, I lost two weeks. --- Joe E. Lewis
Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men. Mary: Tell me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and he told me I asked too many questions! Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask? Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions..like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?"
Web Design Mastery - Professional Web Design Made Easy A Professional Web Site Design Course That Contains Over 500 Pages Of Quality Information, Codes And Examples.
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For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions. "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being...a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows..." To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes as she nodded in agreement. She replied,"Yes, I agree, I think it would be a great idea, and I'll gladly help you find a nice puppydog for a pet."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Daniel Hall, 25, and his wife Alisha Hall, 26 Couple sexually abuses their own 6 month old daughter Mt. Morris, Michigan (The Weekly Vice) - Daniel Hall, 25, and his wife Alisha Hall, 26, have been jailed after they allegedly sexually abused their 6-month-old daughter. According to Birch Run police, an investigation was launched in October after an anonymous couple told police that the Halls, through a swinger's website, asked them if they had a young daughter that they were willing to involve in a sexual encounter. Detectives obtained a search warrant for the Hall's residence after tracking their address down through the couple's i.p. address. A search by police turned up 745 images of child pornography inside the couple's residence. At least 13 images were found that showed Daniel Hall engaged in sex acts with his 6-month-old daughter. Alisha Hall allegedly snapped the sordid photos. Daniel Hall, who has posted photographs and videos of himself on the official IMDb website, considers himself an actor. Hall also reportedly operates a YouTube channel in which he can be seen leaping off a house into a pool, shooting himself in the foot with a bb gun and other annoying antics. Daniel Hall is also reportedly the son of Jack Hall, who was convicted in 1999 for the rape and attempted murder of two young girls in Vienna Township. Jack Hall was also convicted of kidnapping a woman in 1993. Daniel Hall was booked into jail and charged with first-degree criminal sexual conduct, possession of child pornography, distribution of child pornography and using a computer in the commission of a crime. His bond has been set at $750,000. Alisha Hall was charged with first-degree criminal sexual conduct and possession of child pornography. Her bond has been set at a $500,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Stan Re: Excel versus Quattro Dear Webby, Which spreadsheet is better for a small business, Excel or Quattro ? Thanks Steve Dear Steve It used to be that Excel was better for low level entry of data, and Quattro or Lotus were better for high level analysis. However, that has changed. With Open Office virtually eliminating Microsoft Office in Europe, Eastern Europe and Asia, Excel was not only brought up to nearly the same level as Quattro, but with bulky parts of it getting loaded, when Windows starts, Excel loads very fast and feels fast when using it. With Excel, you can click on an email address, and as long as you use XP, or in W7 use a Microsoft email program, it will open that, just like a browser does. Calc in Open Office works quite well too, and will probably win out in the end, because it is free. Calc is very powerful, but still has a few rough edges, especially when it comes to describing or explaining some of the fancier features. They work, but a novice might have difficulties finding them. Quattro is the most powerful, and even lets you use it in Excel look and feel, and has help for Excel users. They are definitely not worried about losing anybody to Excel. Quattro is part of the Corel / Word Perfect Office suite. You can ulually get an older version of Corel / Word Perfect Office on eBay for $10 - $15. Since not much changes between versions, an older version is just as good. I have it on every machine. The big advantage of Open Office is that you can use it on Linux machines. More and more businesses switch to Linux to save a big pile of money. If a bare machine is set up with Linux by a penguin (Linux Fan), they don't have to buy Windows, and if the machine is loaded with Open Office, employees can do all the WORK related stuff just fine. It may slow them down installing all kinds of non-work stuff, but as far as the business owner is concerned, that is not really a problem. If you are aiming in that direction, get used to Open Office Calc while still on Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when she got a phone call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?" Jill said, "Four dollars." She said, "How much for children?" Jill said, "Same price, it's four dollars per seat." She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children." Jill said, "OK, put the kids on a plane somewhere, and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Track of Socks The answer to lost socks! I just bought inexpensive, mesh lingerie bags that can be found at places like Target or Walmart. I placed one on a hook in the closet for each of my 3 daughters. They simply throw their socks in the mesh bags when they come home. On laundry day, I ask everyone to get their sock bags and throw them into the washing machine, making sure they are all zipped up. I then wash them and throw them into the dryer as is. When they're dry, the kids take their own bag and sort their socks themselves. They then put the sorted (or unsorted) socks back into their bags and take upstairs to dump out into their sock drawer. By volvomom from San Diego, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man picks up his golf-indifferent girlfriend after he has come from the links. While he's driving the tees in his pocket fall out. His girlfriend asks, "Harry, what are those things that just fell out of your pockets?" "Oh, those are called tees. I put my balls on them when I'm driving." "Oh, well. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing, "Yes he did," the boy replied, "dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us...
» Best Science Pix 2011





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Capable email program 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, February 9

Today the temperatrue was the opposite. Icy cold down in 
the valley, quite pleasant up on the high prairie, especially
in the sunshine. So I added an extra half mile.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy. --- Isaac Newton What it lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do. --- Aristotle
Nancy got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got lost in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, now you can follow me over to K-Mart"
Web Design Mastery - Professional Web Design Made Easy A Professional Web Site Design Course That Contains Over 500 Pages Of Quality Information, Codes And Examples.
Very valuable programs and bonuses included.
You make back the cost of the course five times or MORE on the first site you design. And you keep the course and the programs! Get it now! Web Design Mastery - Professional Web Design Made Easy

Thanks to Darla for this one: OPPORTUNITY ! Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple way to do it and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! TRY it now! Follow this simple procedure: 1. Open a new text or word document 2. Hold down the shift key. 3. Hit the 4 key four times really fast.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Matthew Keith, 21, from Bridgewater, Massachusets Cape Coral trolley mooning brings arrest A ride-by trolley mooning led to a fight and the arrest of an apparently intoxicated Massachusetts man over the weekend in Cape Coral. Matthew Keith, 21, from Bridgewater, was charged with disorderly intoxication and resisting an officer on Saturday night. According to two Cape Coral men, they were attending the martini competition downtown when Keith and his brother, who is listed as a juvenile, pulled down their pants and displayed their butts while riding the trolley, according to a Cape police report. The two victims told police they then “approached the two males about cleaning up their actions.” After some words were exchanged, the two men said the Keith brothers then hit them in their faces. They declined to press charges but police caught up with the Keiths soon after. According the police, while interviewing Matthew, who had trouble standing, he continued to yell profanities at passersby and tried to taunt them in order to provoke a fight. He was then arrested and had to be hobbled while being transported to the Lee County Jail. ------------ The Cape Coral Trolley is not high speed public transit. It is a quaint, historical affair, locked in secure storage during hurricane season and during the hot summer time. It is mainly used for parades and special events, and for short haul transit between parking areas and conventions and events.
Tech Support Pits: From: Kyle Re: Capable Emailer Dear Webby, When I preview mail in MailWasher I have quite frequently seen the message: Get a capable html e-mailer in the top of a message. I use Eudora, and you simply can't get a more capable emailer than that. What is that all about? Thanks Kyle It's just some dumb spammer getting in a snit about getting caught. Just make a filter to hide delete automatically if the body CONTAINS Get a capable html e-mailer and you will never see that garbage again. The few of you who don't have MailWasher yet, you have no idea how easy it is to make filters like that. You click on ADD Filter Name the filter with something that reminds you of what it is about Click on some radio buttons to set what should be done with that type of spam (like DELETE, HIDE, etc...) Then select the part where the filter should check, like Body, Header, TO, FROM, etc. Then select CONTAINS, DOESN'T CONTAIN, etc.. and finally paste the trigger phrase or word. That's all ! No fuss, no muss. Click OK and you'll never be bothered with that type of spam again. Click on the MailWasher button in the side menu and get the free trial of MailWasher. Once a week, look at the built in stats and see the pretty graph that shows how much spam was nuked by each of the filters, that you made. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if the student is to be absent for the day. Kelly, deciding to bunk and go to the mall with her friends, waited till her parents had left for work and called the school herself. This is the actual conversation of the telephone call. Kelly: "Hi, I'm calling to report that Kelly is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school: "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling?" Kelly: "This is my mother."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Water Spritz to Stick Sprinkles on Frosting When frosting cookies or cakes with butter cream frosting, sprinkles seems to roll right off! This just happened to me, but then I had a moment of inspiration. I went and grabbed my water spray bottle from the ironing board, put fresh water in, and gave the remaining cookies a spritz. Voila! The sprinkles stuck! Don't use too much spray, just enough to lightly coat the frosting surface. Have fun. By kljohn from Crawford, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
After a lady's car had leaked motor oil on her cement driveway, she bought a large sack of cat litter to soak it up. It worked so well, that she went back to the convenience store to get another bag to finish the job. The clerk remembered her. Looking thoughtfully at her purchase, he said, "Lady, if that were my cat, I'd put him outside!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this: [2/7/2012 8:39:01 PM] Sandie: Presidents' Day I was eating lunch with my 6-year-old and I asked her, "What is the 20th of February?" She answered, "Presidents' Day!" I asked her: "What does Presidents' Day mean?" and I waited for something about Washington or Lincoln. She replied, "Presidents' Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow, we have another year of unemployment!" You know, it really hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose!
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How to enlarge Gmail fonts 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, February 8

Thank you, Joe!

Thanks to Dan for correcting yesterday's bonehead award.
That happened in Neon, Kentucky, not Kansas.

We had clear sky and beautiful sunshine today, but a mean
and nasty wind blowing up from Montana. When I got up
onto the high prairie on my walk, I was tempted to walk
backwards, with my back to the wind. So I took the shortcut
trail through the old folks colony and down into town from
behind there. 

I must be getting soft. 30 years ago I was running dog sleds
and riding my snow blower at -40, and had a good time.
However, I was eating a LOT more in those days.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. --- John Kenneth Galbraith "In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is." --- Yogi Berra What's the difference between education and experience? If you read the instructions, you have education. If you don't read the instructions, you will get experience. --- Socratex
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "I want a good picture, so try to make this look natural," she said."Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket and on my wallet ?"
Web Design Mastery - Professional Web Design Made Easy A Professional Web Site Design Course That Contains Over 500 Pages Of Quality Information, Codes And Examples.
Very valuable programs and bonuses included.
You make back the cost of the course five times or MORE on the first site you design. And you keep the course and the programs! Get it now! Web Design Mastery - Professional Web Design Made Easy

A career military man, who had retired as a corporal, was telling the younger men how he handled officers during his years of service. "It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major General, an Admiral, or the Commander-in- Chief. I always told those guys exactly where to get off." "Wow, you must have been something," the admiring young soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?" "Elevator operator in the Pentagon."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Omar Richardson, 18, in Jersey City, NJ Cell-phone photo leads to carjacking arrest JERSEY CITY, N.J At the time 18-year-old Omar Richardson snapped a photo of himself using a cellphone cops say he stole in a Jersey City carjacking, he probably didn't think much of it. But the cellphone was running an app that automatically forwards photos to the owner's computer, according to police. When his mug popped up on the victim's computer, she printed out the photo, brought it to the South District Police Station, and one of the officers recognized the man as Richardson, Police Lt. Edgar Martinez said. According to police reports, last Sunday, the 20-year-old victim got out of her car on Armstrong Avenue and a masked gunman approached her saying "Give me your keys and phone." The carjacker drove away heading east on Armstrong and the victim filled out a police report but told investigators she could not identify the man because he was wearing a ski mask, reports said. Police told her to keep her phone service on so they could watch for activity. But instead, she got a photo of Richardson sent straight to her, Martinez said. In the picture, the man identified as Richardson is seated and is holding up a middle finger, police said. A warrant was issued for Richardson's arrest on the charges of carjacking, armed robbery and weapons offenses, Martinez said. Police then learned he was to due to appear in court in Jersey City on Tuesday on a drug charge, reports said. Warrant squad officers made the arrest when he showed up at Central Judicial Processing court in Jersey City, Martinez said. Richardson is being held at the Hudson County jail in Kearny in lieu of a $100,000 bail, a jail official said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Betty Re: Gmail font too small Dear Webby, I have a question. You would have to respond through AOL for I cannot see it on GMail. Somehow my fonts got so small on GMail that I cannot see it. I know how to make it bigger on AOL but I cannot see how to do it on Gmail. I must have hit something by mistake. I am an old woman who does not have much computer savoy so I need it explained very simple. Thank you. Betty Dear Betty That is indeed quite tricky. Unfortunately the overpaid geeks at Google are just like government. They live in their own world, surrounded by brown-nosers, who want to secure themselves a warm place to shit, and they have no clue, what the real world needs or wants. According to them, theoretically, this should work: Change Font Face, Size, Color and Background Color in Gmail To use a custom font, change the font size or color, or add a highlighting background color when composing in Gmail: Make sure the rich-text formatting toolbar is available. If you see a Rich formatting » link just above the message composition area, click it. Highlight existing text to apply formatting or set it before typing. Click the Font button to choose a custom font. Use the Size button to pick a font size, from Small to Huge. Click Text Color to select a font color. Use Highlight Color to apply a background color. Some geeks, who mess with their Gmail every day, might be able to do it from that. For the rest of us, if you are in FireFox, hold down CTRL and crank the scroll wheel of your mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replies indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom and I'll show you how it is done."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Rubber Bands Save the little plastic hanger that comes with a new pair of socks. Load all your stray rubber bands onto the hanger. Use one rubber band to make the hinge. Loop it inside itself around the end and then hook the other end. Toss it in a drawer or hang. By Anne from Memphis, TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
From this week in 2005: Drunk Avalanche and Rescue Escape Man peed his way out of an avalanche. A Slovak man trapped in his car under an avalanche freed himself by drinking 60 bottles of beer and urinating on the snow to melt it. Rescue teams found Richard Kral drunk and staggering along a mountain path four days after his Audi car was buried in the Slovak Tatra mountains. He told them that after the avalanche, he had opened his car window and tried to dig his way out. But as he dug with his hands, he realised the snow would fill his car before he managed to break through. He had 60 half-litre bottles of beer in his car as he was going on holiday, and after cracking one open to think about the problem, he realised he could urinate on the snow to melt it, local media reported. He said: "I was scooping the snow from above me and packing it down below the window, and then I peed on it to melt it. It was hard and now my kidneys and liver hurt. But I'm glad the beer I took on holiday turned out to be useful and I managed to get out of there." Parts of Europe have this week been hit by the heaviest snowfalls since 1941, with some places registering more than ten feet of snow in 24 hours. ------------------- If he had followed the guidelines and stayed with his car, instead of staggering off into the landscape, he would have been rescued two days earlier..
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two mothers are talking about a friend who has just given birth to triplets. "You know, that only happens one in 12,000 times," says one. "Amazing," says the other. "How did she ever find time to do any housework?"
» 100 Year Tree house





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Free RoboForm 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, February 7

Thank you, Trish!

Why did Russia and China veto a UN resolution about Syria?
They had, reluctantly, agreed to a No-Fly zone over Libya,
only to see that Britain, the US, France and Italy re-interpreted 
that to mean, they could test their missiles, jets and drones
and go murder civilians and military as they pleased.

In the eyes of China and Russia, they gave the UN a bad name.
Expect a permanent "Nyet" like in Cruchiev's days.

Syria is small potatoes, Iran isn't. And Pakistan is getting
really uppity. This is not a good time for having the UN
paralyzed with a permanent "Nyet".

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. --- Mark Twain ----------------- Especially if the other side listens!
A Jewish lady goes into a furniture store owned by a Jewish man. She picks out a lamp she likes and brings it to the counter. She finds out the price is $69.95 and says, "Oy, down the street at Goldstein's these are only $49.95!" The owner asks why she doesn't buy it from Goldstein's, and she says because they just ran out of them. The owner then says, "Ha! Their price I beat! They're only $29.95 when I'm out of them!"
Valentines is coming up! Guilt Day! If you don't have chocolate or one of the things from this book, you will be made to feel guilty!
Want To Bake Like a Pastry Chef At Home? Impress Your Friends And Family With Something Special Now YOU can make Chef Keiko’s pastries at home. Get the skills and tricks, not expensive ingredients.

A police car pulls up in front of Aunt Gertrude's house, and Uncle Leo gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and couldn't find his way home. "Oh Leo", said Aunt Gertrude, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! How could you get lost?" Leaning close to Aunt Gertrude, so that the policeman couldn't hear, Uncle Leo whispered, "I wasn't lost. I was just too tired to walk home."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Andrew Toothman, 22 in Neon, Kansas Supermarket burglar found naked and covered in peanut butter and chocolate A "man" was arrested after he broke into a grocery store and was found with peanut butter and chocolate smeared all over his naked body. Andrew Toothman, 22, didn't tell police why he felt the need to break into the Food World IGA in the small town of Neon, Kansas, but he was found there early in the morning on Tuesday. There was no money missing from the cash registers and Toothman wasn't trying to pocket any expensive foodstuffs. Actually, he wasn't wearing pockets at all. Police found peanut butter and chocolate covering his body, the supermarket floor, and the manager's office. Apparently, Toothman had a moment of repentance during his random spree, he spelled out the word 'sorry' on the floor using the night-time flu suppressant NyQuill. Police wrote that the front door was 'busted out' and several fire extinguishers were discharged in the store. Toothman remains in custody on $25,000 bail. He was charged with burglary in the 3rd degree, criminal mischief, and indecent exposure as he was only wearing black boots and his sugary treats. I bet HIS mom is real proud of him!
Tech Support Pits: From: Diane C Re: Free RoboForm Dear Webby, Have had Roboform for years and love it. You CAN save the passwords by printing them. 'Print list' is under 'Logins.' I do this a couple of times a year as a backup. This may be a little off the writer's point, but people should know about it. By the way, I paid once ... don't have to pay yearly. Diane C Dear Diane Yes, depending on the versio you use, and the number of user names and passwords, you CAN indeed get away without paying every year. However, if you want to sync your work and your home computer, or any of the advanced stuff, put the $30 aside and have it ready. If and when they decide you need to pay, they make it really difficult to use the program until you do pay up. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Valentine's Breakfast My husband likes a "traditional" breakfast; coffee, toast, bacon and eggs. For Valentine's, I use a heart shaped cookie cutter to cut a heart out of slices of bread. I toast the shapes as usual and use the bread slices (buttered) to make fried eggs-in-the-hole. He always gets a kick out of it. By Kerry Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been for you?" Ed asked. "Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dock into the sea, I had to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it all my business has just gone bust." "That sounds terrible", Ed said. "What business were you in?" Ted replied, "I sold good luck charms...."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A small boy walked into a police station one day and said, 'I've got three big brothers and we all live in the same room. My eldest brother has seven cats. Another one has three dogs and the third has a goat. I want you to do something about the smell.' 'Are the any windows in your room?' asked the officer. 'Yes, of course there are!' said the boy. 'Have you tried opening them?' 'What and lose all my pigeons....?'
» Wood Chip Sculptures





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RoboForm 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, February 6

We had great weather, beautiful sunshine, and not too
much wind. Yes, I went for a walk in the sunshine,
and missed the game and all the prize winning commercials.
If they were any good, I am sure they would be sent around
the net, along with all the spoofs of ads, that supposedly 
did not quite make it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others. --- Cyril Connolly
An engineering student, a physics student, and a mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this. The physics student went out, gathered a few friends, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, and a calculator. He had the friends time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk. The math student purchased a protractor, plumb line, tripod and measuring tape. She waited until the sun was going down, then used her equipment to measure the length of the shadow, and find the angle the building's roof made from the ground. Then she used trigonometry to figure out the height of the building. Of course, with all that was involved in getting this experiment done, they were up plenty late studying for exams in other courses. These two students bumped into the engineering student the next day, who looked quite refreshed. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied, "Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, wrote it on my hand and went inside for happy hour!"
Valentines is coming up! Guilt Day! If you don't have chocolate or one of the things from this book, you will be made to feel guilty!
Want To Bake Like a Pastry Chef At Home? Impress Your Friends And Family With Something Special Now YOU can make Chef Keiko’s pastries at home. Get the skills and tricks, not expensive ingredients.

A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Sunday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water. He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and more painful. His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling." He tried switching to cold water, and the swelling rapidly subsided. On Monday morning he called his Dr. again to complain. "Say Doc, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better." "Really?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it - my maid said hot water."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture from Venice: Click through for the large version. VeniceFeb 5, 2012 No Gullible Warming there either
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kevin Forrester, 33 and Robert Scullion, 28 from from Haverhill, Suffolk, England Taxi as get-away vehicle Kevin Forrester and Robert Scullion used a taxi to get their stolen goods home. A court in the UK were told that Forrester broke into a log cabin near a home in Suffolk and stole £7,465 of audio and recording equipment in broad daylight. He was then joined by Scullion who ordered a taxi in order to get the stolen goods home. The taxi driver was naturally suspicious and rang the police. Police said that the criminals used their real names to order the taxi because they didn’t have a getaway vehicle, and then they had all the stolen equipment brought to one of their homes. He said that by the time he had made a few simple phone calls, the entire case was done and dusted. Almost every news site in England had a sloppy re-write of this story, complete with totally irrelevant clip-art of London Taxis, but with typical British media incompetence, none of them could be bothered to get the mug-shots.
Tech Support Pits: From: Lance Re: RoboForm Dear Webby, I started using RoboForm because of your suggestion, and have a huge number of passwords in it. Now it is up for renewal, and is holding all my passwords hostage. Is there a way to get them out of there? Lance Dear Lance No, there isn't. If there was, then any unauthorized person could sneak in and get all your user names and passwords. You have obviously exceeded the number of passwords, that are allowed in the free version. To continue using the unlimited PRO and syncronizong all your machines, you will just have to put $30 onto it. Then it will be good again for another year. Yes, I know, $30 is a lot of money, but for unlimited entries and syncronizing home and portable machines, Roboformis well worth it. For those of you, who are new and not familiar with RoboForm: It stores your passwords and user names and even form filling data, and if you have more than one computer, it syncronizes that info between the computers, over the Internet. With this link you get the download instantly, without having to wade through a bunch of confusing stuff and misleading ads from third party download sites. It will get you the Free version. You will have the option to upgrade to the PRO version, if your particular situation requires more, than what the free version provides. Usually, the free version is quite good enough for home use . Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Ella for this: As the lone female in our house, I find that certain male habits have really begun to get on my nerves. One day, I emerged from the bathroom completely exasperated when I bumped into my husband. "What is it with guys that they won't replace the toilet paper?!" I raged. "I know," he said, nodding in agreement. "I noticed that when I was in there earlier."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Side Mirrors Clear of Ice If you have those big rear view mirrors on your car or truck and you know an ice storm is coming, here's a cheap trick to keep them clean. Take two plastic grocery bags (one for each mirror) and two rubber bands and put the bags around the mirrors and secure them with the rubber band. It does not look great but it sure helps in the morning when it comes to cleaning the ice off the car or truck cause those mirrors are free and clear of ice! By Debradj from Illinois Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it's biting my fingernails. One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails. "Great Idea, Honey," he smiled. "You can eat them straight out of the box."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R." The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R." Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." The teacher asks, "Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?" Little Johnny stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?" Little Johnny says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore."
» Ice Castles





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Perspectives 

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep... You are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace... You are among the top 8% of the worlds wealthy.

If you woke up this morning with good health you are more fortunate than the million who will not survive this week.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle unfolding all around you, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation... You are ahead of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a church meeting without fear of persecution, harassment, arrest, torture, or death... You are more blessed than three billion people in the world.

If your parents are still alive and still married...you are very rare, even in the United States.

If you can read this message, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.




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Modem not releasing phone line 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, February 5

From Carol:
Wow!  As usual the images you chose resulted in a very 
dramatic one for this morning.  Thanks for the love and 
care you give your Humor Letter, and then on to us.  
Carol T


Re insulating the attic, from Dr Bill F.
When I lived in Snow country, and owned a Heating and 
Refrigeration co - I suggested to people to look at the 
roofs of their neigbours and their own after a snow - 
the ones that were melting off were poorly insulated - 
so fix the problem (as you suggest), then buy a 
geothermal heatpump (water source) and save a fortune.
Bill.

Right!
And those, who can't afford a heat pump to utilize incoming
(solar) heat, it is easy enough to put a cheap cold water tank
up there, as high as possible, and use that to pre-heat the
feed water to the hot water tank, so that it just has to top it 
off a few degrees. In snow country that little trick will pay for
a heat pump in one year.

What is also important is to open the louvres in summer.
Especially with the top ceiling insulated with a double layer 
of insulation balls, it can get awfully hot up there in summer
and curl your shingles. 

Ideal, of course, are thermal window openers, like the
ones used in greenhouses, that open windows or louvres,
when things get too hot. A non-eletric gas cylinder window
opener is good for 15 - 29 years. If you don't extract the 
heat with a water tank pre-heater or heat pump, they will
open the styrofoam cover behind the louvred vents.

You can, of course, open and close them manually with a 
string.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions. --- Evan Esar Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. --- Lord Dewar
An older man strode in to his doctor's office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you've been giving to Mrs. Smith." "Oh, he did, did he"? the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders"? The old man says, "Since he found out that Mrs Smith is pregnant and that I've been on birth control pills since November."
Valentines is coming up! Guilt Day! If you don't have chocolate or one of the things from this book, you will be made to feel guilty!
Want To Bake Like a Pastry Chef At Home? Impress Your Friends And Family With Something Special Now YOU can make Chef Keiko’s pastries at home. Get the skills and tricks, not expensive ingredients.

A young man who wants to see the world signs on to a tramp steamer to be trained as a helmsman. He masters the classroom instruction, then starts his practical training on the wheel of the vessel. In his first lesson, the mate gives him a heading, and the young fellow holds to it. Then the mate orders, "Come starboard." Pleased at knowing immediately which way starboard is, the young man leaves the helm and walks over to his instructor. The mate has an incredulous look on his face as the helm swings freely. Then, rather gently considering the circumstance, he asks politely, "Could you bring the ship with you?"
Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Maureen Raymond, 49, in Jensen Beach, Florida 'Not with these big boobies': Woman claims she failed sobriety test because her large bosom threw her off balance A woman in Florida claims she failed a field sobriety test and was arrested for drunken driving because her 'big boobies' got in the way of her balancing. When officers didn't seem convinced of this explanation, Maureen J. Raymond, 49, tried to show them what she meant by trying to take her top off. They quickly put a stop to that, according to a police report. Police in Jensen Beach, Florida, stopped Raymond Sunday night after she was speeding and swerving through lanes of traffic. Before she was asked to perform any tests of whether she was sober, Raymond told the sheriff's deputy he 'needed to understand that she is big-chested and if I asked her to close her eyes and balance, she is not going to balance well.' Then Raymond, who is 5-foot-6 and 216 pounds, added: 'Big breasts, you don't balance well.' Deputies already suspected she was intoxicated because she wasn't listening to their instructions, her eyes were red and glassy and she had liquor on her breath. They also found a glass that smelled like it had contained alcohol in the back of her Toyota Camry. When the deputy asked Raymond whether she had any injuries, she replied: Big breasts and whiplash. It's unclear whether the two conditions were related. Despite her 'warning' deputies took Raymond through a series of field sobriety tests, all of which she proceeded to fail -- and most she blamed on her ample bosom. When she failed to walk a straight line she began, to dance. When the sheriff's deputy asked if she wanted to try again: 'She stated, "Hell no, with these," telling me she can't do it, not with her big boobies.' Later, when she failed to stand on one leg, she told the deputy she was off balance and that she would show him why. Raymond proceeded to take her clothes off to show the deputy her breasts. 'I stopped her,' the officer wrote. When she was asked to count from 60 to 90, the deputy noted that she seemed to be singing the numbers. Convinced that Raymond was above the legal blood alcohol limit, deputies arrested her and took her to the station for a breath test. When the breathalyzer machine was ready, the told the officer to wait. 'She told me she was praying and that I need to relax because she is praying and God is first,' the officer wrote. She failed to provide a valid breath sample. Raymond was charged with driving under the influence and having an open container of alcohol.
Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Modem not releasing phone line Dear Webby, I enjoy your humor letter and like to read the advice you give to people concerning their computer problems. I happen to have one now that I'm hoping you can solve. I am using a dial-up service (Bluelight) to get onto the internet, but now have the problem that it seems the service is not fully disconnecting because if I don't unplug the phone line from the computer, my phone will either be "dead" or will have a busy signal. I tried changing the phone cord and since it won't reconnect if the cord is not moved after making a connection once I don't see how the problem could be a hardware connection problem. Do you have any ideas? STEVE Dear Steve That problem is due to the modem not disconnecting properly. The better modems let you even temporarily disconnect to take a call, and resume the connection, as soon as the call is finished. Short of getting a better modem, to switch the incoming phone line from the modem to the phone, you need a Phone line AB switch. Making one is easy, easier for a kid with small fingers and good eye sight. If you know a kid, who is not scared of a soldering iron, they are really easy to make. You need one of those duplex surface mount phone outlets about the size of a match box. They cost $2 or less and have sockets for two phone lines. Then you need a tiny Double Pole, Double Throw switch. A toggle type is preferable, but any other type will do fine too, as long as it is not a momentary push button "bell" type. If you don't have any lying around, you can buy them from the RadioShack or any electronics store for around $2. A Double Pole, Double Throw switch has 6 prongs at the bottom. The red and the green of the incoming phone line get soldered to the middle pair, the red and the green from the two sockets get soldered to the side pairs. You can ignore the black and the yellow wires. Then drill a hole into the cover, and stick the switch into it. Usually those surface mount phone jacks have double-sided tape at the bottom. Peel the tape cover and stick it somewhere convenient, like the side of the monitor. You got the INcoming line going into the middle, and the switch "throws" it to either the A or the B side. Plug the phone into one jack and the modem into the other. With a slide switch, when the switch is on the phone side, the phone is connected. With a toggle switch, it is the opposite. When the paddle is on the phone side, the modem is connected. Now, instead of fussing with cables and wearing the connectors out, you have a convenient switch, that is probably good for 50,000 actions. You can buy phone line AB switches. They are advertised for $12 - $15, plus shipping, and you get a ridiculously large box full of Chinese air, plus the little components mentioned above. Here is a picture of a typical one: I am not kidding, those big boxes have absolutely NOTHING in them except a little switch. Here you see picture of a Surface Mount Duplex phone Jack: Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"A curiosity-breeding little joker" is how Mark Twain described the typewriter. His Life on the Mississippi (1883) was the first book-length manuscript published that had been written on one of the new machines. It's rumored that a Twain's descendant wrote the first novel on a windows based computer. After losing a chapter when the machine crashed, she is said to have called the computer a #@*#@$ little *$%#@.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Side Mirrors Clear of Ice If you have those big rear view mirrors on your car or truck and you know an ice storm is coming, here's a cheap trick to keep them clean. Take two plastic grocery bags (one for each mirror) and two rubber bands and put the bags around the mirrors and secure them with the rubber band. It does not look great but it sure helps in the morning when it comes to cleaning the ice off the car or truck cause those mirrors are free and clear of ice! By Debradj from Illinois Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question?" - Discuss!. After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The student received an "A" on the exam. That was the good old days. Nowadays "Discuss!" would be considered an order, and as such the proper reply for a philosophy major would be: "Do you want fries with that?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands. They are called "Dick Taters." Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work. They are called "Speck Taters." Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work. They are called "Commie Taters." Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet. They are called "Aggie Taters." There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help. They are called, "Hezzie Taters." Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not. They are called "Emma Taters." Then there are those who love and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others. They are called "SWEET TATERS."
» Memory Lane (Free Parking)





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Registry related programs 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, February 4

A friend asked me for the most cost effective way to reduce 
heating costs. 

Cover the attic floor with poly and make a very careful,
leakproof seal.
Then buy a few rolls of those cheap shopping bags, wad them 
up losely and fill shopping bags with those wads, and heave 
the filled one up into the attic.

If the attic has those idiotic louvres recommended by the oil
company and their paid shills, seal them air-tight.

With an airtight attic, no heated and paid for air is migrating 
up and out.

You will notice, that the drafts have stopped!
Checking windows and doors with a candle will no longer show
cold air blowing INTO the house, but a healthy balance. The 
candle flame will tilt towards the inside at the bottom and 
towards the outside at the top. That you can cope with. As long
as your house is not a chimney sucking your money up into the
attic and blowing it out those thilly louvres, you are way 
ahead of the game.

By the way, with those "insulation balls", if you have empty 
egg cartons or styrofoam peanuts or pieces, by all means
toss them into the bags too. The idea is to trap and lock air.
Whatever you got, that will trap air and stop it from moving,
will work on your behalf.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Of those who say nothing, few are silent. --- Thomas Neill Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke. --- Lynda Barry Never put off till tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today. --- Douglas Ottati
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it. "Oh, we returned the piano." said My Dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet instead." "How come?" I asked. "Because," he answered, "with a clarinet, she can't sing."
Valentines is coming up! Guilt Day! If you don't have chocolate or one of the things from this book, you will be made to feel guilty!
Want To Bake Like a Pastry Chef At Home? Impress Your Friends And Family With Something Special Now YOU can make Chef Keiko’s pastries at home. Get the skills and tricks, not expensive ingredients.

As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was re- sponsible for returning equipment to the proper owners before the start of the next season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. "Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your anesthesiologist."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Warren Melamed, 65, of Brentwood, Tennessee Impatient driver tries moving an ambulance MT. JULIET, Tenn. (AP) - A man hopped into a Wilson County ambulance that was blocking his car and tried to move it while paramedics were loading a patient. Mt. Juliet police told The Tennessean that paramedics heard the engine start and were able to stop 65-year-old Warren Melamed before he could move the ambulance. Melamed, of Brentwood, was arrested on Saturday on one count of unauthorized use of a vehicle. Melamed told officers he was mad because the ambulance was blocking his car.
Tech Support Pits: From: Lynne Re: Registry check and repair Dear Webby, First I want to let you know that I enjoy your daily letter, and have taken your advise with many of your solutions. Next, I am not having any problems with my computer, but when I run the Registry Booster, it indicates that I have over 200 errors. I have used registry cleanup programs in the past and deleted what was indicated should be removed and discovered that was a big mistake and ended up having to reformat my computer Can you tell me what program you use to clean up your computer registry? And where can I find a listing of the files that should never be deleted from the registry? Thanks for your help, Lynne Dear Lynne All registry related programs exaggerate in the trial or example show. Some show you thousands of bad entries, which is usually ridiculous. I use Uniblue Registry Booster and am happy with it. It knows which files to leave alone. By the way, it is not simply a matter of deleting files, but cleaning up settings. Quite often Windows leaves settings in there, that point to programs or events or files, that have become obsolete years ago. Often you also find multiple settings turning the same thing off and on and off and on. Stuff like that just slows everything down. 200 wrong settings is not outrageous at all. As you have found, some registry related programs cause more problems than they fix..That is why I did a bunch of comparison testing and settled on Uniblue Registry Booster.. It became the only registry related program, that I use and recommend. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby sitter when 6-year-old Kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you sit over there in Mommy's chair!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Side Mirrors Clear of Ice If you have those big rear view mirrors on your car or truck and you know an ice storm is coming, here's a cheap trick to keep them clean. Take two plastic grocery bags (one for each mirror) and two rubber bands and put the bags around the mirrors and secure them with the rubber band. It does not look great but it sure helps in the morning when it comes to cleaning the ice off the car or truck cause those mirrors are free and clear of ice! By Debradj from Illinois Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At Sea World, our grandson absolutely refused to see the show featuring Shamu the killer whale, but he wouldn't tell us why. No amount of discussion could get him to change his mind. Later, when we got home, we discovered the reason for his reluctance. An aunt had told him how exciting the show would be because "They choose children from the audience to feed Shamu."
» Art of Carnovsky





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Hot-Key for starting a new doc 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, February 3
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you John !
Thank you Eddie!

Yesterday's eye exam sure messed up my vision, and all I got
out of it is yet another referal to an even farther distant specialist.
I am sure glad, that Barb was doing the driving. The way they
poured that stuff into my eyes, I never would have been able to
drive back against the setting sun.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Virgin Airlines announced that their new giant double-decker airplane has a private bar. It's a private bar? Is there a big problem with passengers from other planes stopping in for a drink?" --- Jay Leno "A number of U.S. colleges are going to start having dorms for alcoholics. I believe those are called dorms." --- Craig Ferguson I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. --- Henny Youngman --------Yes, they do! April 1
Another excuse for a student's being late for school: Arnie came into the office looking somewhat tired and bedraggled, but anxious to explain his nearly one hour tardiness. "Our chickens have been disappearing." He said. "And Pa made up his mind to put a stop to it. But nothing happened for several nights. Then last night about 3 o'clock, Pa got me and Ol' Blue, our dog, and his shot gun, all cocked and loaded, to go out with him to the chicken house to see what was going on." He went on. "Well, Pa sleeps in his birthday suit, and as he bent over to go into the chicken house, Ol' Blue cold-nosed Pa where he didn't expect it. Both barrels went off. Ever since then we've been up a-cleanin' and a-pluckin' more than 50 chickens. I missed the bus and had to walk 3 miles to school."
Valentines is coming up! Guilt Day! If you don't have chocolate or one of the things from this book, you will be made to feel guilty!
Over 70 Guilt-Free Chocolate Recipes They Are All Original, Rich, Raw Delicious & Unbelievably Healthy Yet So Easy To Make! Our original chocolate recipes have all the delicious flavor,smoothness and decadence of what you love about chocolate, but with an amazing twist. Click on Guilt FREE Chocolate!

Thanks to Emma for this story: Using a new painting program on my computer, I managed to come up with a very credible still life of fruit. I made a color printout and sent it to my daughter, a graphic designer. She called when it arrived. "Isn't it good?", I asked. She chuckled, and in a tone that echoed mine from years ago, replied, "Mom, it's beautiful. We put it on the refrigerator."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joel Bruss, 34 in Apple Valley, Minnesota DUI on Zamboni Another motorist has been arrested for driving a Zamboni while under the influence. On Monday evening, cops in Apple Valley, Minnesota busted Joel Bruss for suspicion of DWI. Bruss, 34, was collared at the Hayes Arena, where he operated the ice resurfacing vehicle. Bruss is pictured in a mug shot from an earlier arrest. According to police, cops were summoned to the rink by witnesses who watched as the Zamboni careened across the ice and bounced off the sideboards. When officers arrived, they saw Bruss, a part-time employee, “struggling to maneuver the Zamboni off the ice.” When cops approached Bruss, they noticed that he was “unsteady on his feet and smelled of an alcoholic beverage.” Arrested following the completion of field sobriety tests, Bruss was transported to the Apple Valley police station, where “blood alcohol testing was completed.”
Tech Support Pits:
The link to Mail Washer is here!
From: Eddie Re: Hot key to start a new doc
Hi Mr. Webby; Great to hear from you once again... and thank you for the many times that I have needed you assistance with my many ventures with computer problems and software... Ok, well now here it goes..... "How do you create a "New Document" in a folder using MS 2010 Word" without exiting out of the folder? ............... or ............. how can I add a tool in the toolbar to create this new word document? May this year brings you all what you desire, with peace with harm to none! Eddie Dear Eddie I am glad your ISP is not blocking me any more. I don't have MS Word, but once you are in it, most likely CTRL N will open a New doc. That has been the standard since long before MS Word and should work. The same hot-key also works fine in most other programs too, for example spreadsheets and graphics. Have FUN! DearWebby
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My teenaged niece Elizabeth was nervous as she took the wheel for her first driving lesson. As she was pulling out of the parking lot, the instructor said, "Turn left here, and don't forget to let the people behind you know what you're doing." Elizabeth turned to the students sitting in the backseat and announced, "I'm going left."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Soda for Facial Scrub Baking soda makes a fantastic facial scrub! Just mix around a teaspoon of baking soda with a little dab of mild liquid soap, and a drop or two of water. Be sure to rinse thoroughly with warm water. Your face will be soft and glowing. I used to spend around $25 on micro-derm abrasion scrubs for generally the same result. By Janet R. from Rossville, GA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The two teenage girls were driving around town. One of the friends turned to the other and said, "So, what did your old man say when you told him you were pregnant?" "You want me to leave out the profanities?" "Yeah, sure." "Nothing."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt. He said, "I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one." The grandson asked him, "Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?" The grandfather answered, "The one I feed."
» Fins and Scales





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