Small Calendar 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, February 28

Thank you Roswitha!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. --- Plato
Thanks to dteeple for nringing back this classic: Ever since i was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him: 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.' 'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears..' 'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said.. Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked. 'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!' 'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?' 'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!'
Thabnks to Kim for this story: The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tish Coleman, 31, Chicago, Ill Jailed After Stabbing Cousin's Cat To Death Following Family Spat Tish Coleman, a 31-year-old Chicago female, was jailed Friday after she allegedly stabbed her cousin's cat to death. According to police, Coleman and her 26-year-old cousin were arguing Friday night when Coleman allegedly punched her cousin in the face and tore her shirt. The cousin wrestled Coleman out onto the apartment's patio and slammed the door shut, however, Coleman continued to antagonize her cousin by creating a disturbance outside the residence, according to an arrest affidavit. A short time later, another woman entered the apartment through the patio area - which allowed the victim's cat to run outside. When the victim went outside to look for her cat, she discovered the animal laying on a nearby stairwell with multiple stab wounds. After police were called, officers located Coleman about a block away from her cousin's apartment. During a search, officers recovered a bloody Swiss pocket knife from Coleman's purse. Coleman was booked into jail and charged with aggravated cruelty to an animal and domestic battery. Her bond has been set at $75,000. Tech Support Pits From: Kay Re: Small Calendar Dear Webby, Good morning, hope all is well with you. I was just checking your tool page looking for a very small calendar to put on my desk top. I didn't see one and was wondering if there is a site you would recommend download one? Thank you for all of your help. Kay Dear Kay On the Tools page look for Rainlendar It is some ways down, because I had that link for probably a dozen or more years. If you use FireFox hit CTRL F and type Rain and it will find and highlight it. When you run it the first time, close all other windows. It IS quite small, and EXTREMELY polite. In the d efault configuration, when not in use, or moused over, it fades into the background, and you won't see it. There are tons of options in it, that you can set to your preferences. Just don't reduce the "Transparency" to less than 50%, otherwise you won't be able to see it on some backgrounds. Leave the "MouseOver" at 100% and don't reduce "Transparency" too much. That way it will fade to almost invisible when not in use, but come alive when moused over. And set it to be "On Top" Like that example, you can personalize it any which way, and even have a number of "skins" to choose from. I use the default skin, which is basically like glass. You see the writing on top of totally transparent glass, and it will float on top of whatever window is open in that area. You can drag it around, of course, but it is just a calendar floating on top. Windoze 7 tried to copy that trick, but just managed to annoy people. Rainlendar has a ToDo and an Events part. Birthdays and Anniversaries go into the Events part. If some part of Rainlendar annoys you, go into the options and change it. You CAN. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Water Cups out of Soda Bottles I have been taking the soda bottles, the little ones, and removing the cap, squeezing them down, and cutting across the top. Then I smooth out the top by cutting it again. This provides me with a lot of plastic drinking cups that are stronger than paper cups and they are larger, and they won't break. We have been enjoying them a great deal! By Robyn Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded with a proprietor, "or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant -- an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright- eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students. The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind ?"
» Wild & Wacky:


Today, Feb 28, in 
1844 - Several people were killed aboard the USS Princeton 
  when a 12-inch gun exploded.
1849 - Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn 
  arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California 
  had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 
  4 months and 21 days.
1854 - The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 
  50 slavery opponents began the new political group.
1861 - The U.S. territory of Colorado was organized.
1885 - AT&T (American Telephone and Telegraph) was incorporated. 
  The company was capitalized on only $100,000 and provided 
  long distance service for American Bell.
1893 - Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum.
1900 - In South Africa, British troops relieved Ladysmith, 
  which had been under siege since November 2, 1899.
1940 - The first televised basketball game was shown. The 
  game featured Fordham University and the University of 
  Pittsburgh from Madison Square Gardens in New York.
1953 - In a Cambridge University laboratory, scientists 
  James D. Watson and Francis H.C. Crick discovered the 
  double-helix structure of DNA.
1956 - A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory core.
1974 - The U.S. and Egypt re-established diplomatic relations 
  after a break of seven years.
1983 - "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program 
  in history when the final episode aired.
1986 - Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated 
1993 - U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed 
  religious cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest 
  the leader of the Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on federal 
  firearms charges. Four agents and six Davidians were killed 
  and a 51-day standoff followed.
1994 - NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16 
  fighters shot down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation 
  of a no-fly zone over central Bosnia.
1995 - The Denver International Airport opened after a 
  16-month delay.
1998 - Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out "terrorist 
  gangs" in the Yugoslav province of Kosovo.
2002 - In Ahmadabad, India, Hindus set fire to homes in a Muslim 
  neighborhood. At least 55 people were killed in the attack.
2013  smiled


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Wandering cursor 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, February 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier. --- Blore's Razor A man who thinks he has a higher purpose can do terrible things, even to those he professes to love. --- Denise Mina If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. --- Dorothy Parker
An American tourist had visited all the usual sights. He'd seen the Sydney Harbor and everything else but he wanted to see the real Australia. So there he was on the weekly rail motor out to Thargomindah. There wasn't much to see. There was a drought on it was hot and the wind was blowing dust everywhere. He got off the train and made for the pub, sweating and cursing as he swatted in vain at the clouds of files that buzzed around him. The pub's only customer, a bloke in a blue singlet, greeted him with a "G'day." The American ordered a beer. "Yank eh?" quizzed the Aussie. "Sure am buddy" the Yank replied. "Waddya think of this part of Australia, yank?" the bloke asked. "It's the @#$% a....hole of the world," the Yank replied. There was a five second pause as the local sucked on his smoke. Then he asked: "You just passing through, or going further up?"
Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor calmly replied, " BS ! Just wait until the autopsy, then you'll see that I was right."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jim Skursky, 36, Jailed For Stealing Video Game Consoles From Hospital While Visiting Severely Injured Son Jim Skursky, a 36-year-old Pennsylvania man, was jailed Thursday after he allegedly broke into a cabinet and stole several video game consoles while visiting his 5-year-old son in the hospital. According to police, Skursky's 5-year-old son was playing with a lighter at Skursky's girlfriend's residence when he accidentally caught his shirt on fire and was seriously burned during the incident. The boy was rushed to UPMC Mercy Hospital where he was treated for serious burns to his chest, back, arms and neck. The boy reportedly underwent surgery on Friday to repair some of the damage with skin graphs. Investigators say Skursky was visiting his son in the hospital on Thursday when he reportedly broke into a metal cabinet and stole Wii, Playstation and Xbox game consoles. Skursky also allegedly stole several game controllers, placing most of the items into a black garbage bag. Hospital staff contacted police after they saw a game controller in Skursky's pocket and learned that the hospital's game consoles were missing from the cabinet. Skursky was booked into the Allegheny County Jail and charged with theft and criminal mischief. Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: Facebook Link Hi Dear Webby, with your seeming inexhaustible cyber world knowledge can you explain and hopefully tell me how to correct letters from jumping around when I type in Gmail in Windows 7? Be well, live long, and prosper. Walter ------------- Yes, Dear Webby, I am using a Dell Laptop with the built in keyboard. Be well, live long, and prosper. Walter Dear Walter How did i guess? Get yourself a decent mouse, preferably a 7 button mouse: left, right copy,paste left scroll, right scroll Enter or whatever mouse you got lying around. Then cut a piece of cardboard or plastic to fit over that silly thumb pad below the keyboard. The jumping cursor is because of your thumbs grazing over that silly thumb pad, driving you nuts until you either cut some cardboard to cover that, or else cut off your thumbs. By the way, you can also plug in a real keyboard. I always do, and make a stand for the laptop, so that it's screen is up as high as that of regular monitors. No point turning into a hunched over little old man before I have to. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leave Notes On Bathroom Mirror With a busy schedule, leaving notes and messages becomes a 'way of life'. I got tired of the kids 'not seeing' the notes I left, so I came up with a way I knew they couldn't miss. I use dry erase markers on their bathroom mirrors. Everyone gets the messages now, and no making excuses that they didn't see it! Wipes off so easy and no more 'missed' messages or excuses. I even write myself notes sometimes. I've done this for years, now, and it works for us. By Patty from East Peoria, Illinois Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

Her husband had passed on and the new widow was so distraught that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her husband was just fine. She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion with her. "Is there anything he needs ?" the distraught woman asked, between tears. The spiritualist went into a trance state, then replied, "He says he'd love a package of cigarettes." "I'll send a carton immediately." the woman said joyfully. "But did he say where I should send them ?" "No." replied the Seer somberly. "But he didn't ask for matches."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A teacher in Los Angeles asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC." After the teacher asked the pupil what 'DC' stood for, the student added, "Dot com!"
» Glide Show (Aerial Images)


Today, Feb 27, in 
1700 The Pacific Island of New Britain was discovered.
1801 The city of Washington, DC, was placed under 
  congressional jurisdiction.
1827 New Orleans held its first Mardi Gras celebration.
1861 In Warsaw, Russian troops fired on a crowd protesting 
  Russian rule over Poland. Five protesting marchers were 
  killed in the incident.
1867 Dr. William G. Bonwill invented the dental mallet.
1883 Oscar Hammerstein patented the first cigar-rolling 
  machine.
1896 The "Charlotte Observer" published a picture of an X-ray
 photograph made by Dr. H.L. Smith. The photograph showed a 
 perfect picture of all the bones of a hand and a bullet that 
 Smith had placed between the third and fourth fingers in the 
 palm.

1900 In South Africa, the British received an unconditional
 surrender from Boer Gen. Piet Cronje at Paardeberg.
1933 The Reichstag, Germany's parliament building in Berlin, 
  was set afire. The Nazis accused Communist for the fire.
1939 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed sit-down strikes.
1951 The 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified,
  limiting U.S. Presidents to two terms.
1973 The American Indian Movement occupied Wouned Knee in 
  South Dakota.
1981 Chrysler Corporation was granted an additional $400 million 
  in federal loan guarantees. Chrysler had posted a loss of 
  $1.7 billion in 1980.
1990 The Exxon Corporation and Exxon Shipping were indicted on
 five criminal counts in reference to the 1989 Exxon Valdez 
 oil spill.
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush announced live on television 
that "Kuwait is liberated."
1997 In Ireland, divorce became legal.
1998 Britain's House of Lords agreed to give a monarch's 
  first-born daughter the same claim to the throne as any 
  first-born son. This was the end to 1,000 years of male
  preference.
1999 Colin Prescot and Andy Elson set a new hot air balloon 
  endurance record when they had been aloft for 233 hours and 
  55 minutes. The two were in the process of trying to 
  circumnavigate the Earth.
1999 Nigeria returned to civilian rule when Gen. Olusegun 
  Obasanjo became the country's first elected president since 
  August of 1983.
2002 In Boston, twenty people working at Logan International 
  Airport were charged with lying to get their jobs or 
  security badges.
2013  smiled


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FaceBook Link 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, February 26

Thank you Jim!

Re yesterday's picture:

In case you are interested, that waterfall picture 
was taken in Croatia.
Bill Vlasak



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When you don't know what to do, get still. Get very still until you do know what to do. --- Oprah Winfrey Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. --- Mae West Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. --- Oscar Wilde
Mom had been teaching her 3-year-old daughter to recite the Lord's Prayer. The youngster dutifully repeated it after her mother at bed time for several nights. One night, the girl insisted she was ready to pray "solo," so her mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated every word. The mother was a bit exasperated and knew they needed to work on it some more as her daughter ended the prayer: "And lead us not into temptation," the youngster prayed, "but deliver us some email. Amen."
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo said, "Probably about a hundred feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rasoul Speight, 32, New Jersey Jailed for carrying 100 bags of heroin in his anus. Rasoul Speight, a Bloods gang member, is facing a narcotics charge after New Jersey cops yesterday discovered a whopping 100 bags of heroin hidden in his anus, police report. Speight, 32, was driving on the Palisades Interstate Parkway when his 2005 Mitsubishi Lancer was pulled over during a routine traffic stop. When cops detected the smell of marijuana they asked for--and received--permission to search the car. While investigators found “nothing of evidentiary value” inside the vehicle, Speight and passenger Gary Sylak, 25, were both arrested due to outstanding traffic warrants, according to cops. While Speight, seen above, was being processed at police headquarters, he “was found to be in possession of 100 bags of heroin which were concealed in his anus and undetectable at the scene.” Police estimated the heroin’s vale at $1000 in New York City, and $2000 in upstate New York, “where both subjects were traveling to.” Speight, who cops noted is “also listed as a Bloods gang member,” was jailed in lieu of $38,500 bail on a pair of felony drug counts. Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: Facebook Link Hello Webby: I think you have published this before, but could you tell me how to insert the Facebook icon in a page on my website? And, does Facebook charge to have their icon on a website?? Thanks!!! Bob Dear Bob Facebook does not charge for that, they even encourage you to do that. Go to your FaceBook page, your equivalent of https://www.facebook.com/DearWebby and copy that URL. Then find a suitable FaceBook button, like for example the one Ophelia made for her site at http://dingbatter.com and copy that button picture. She won't mind. You can, of course, also make your own button, or resize hers to suit your page. Then simply put that button on your page, and link it to the URL of your facebook page, that you copied earluer. That is all there is to it. There is some silly convoluted way that FaceBook used to recommend, but that is not necessary at all. A simple link button works just fine. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Cookie Dough in a Juice Can To save time, when making cookie dough, make at least one extra batch. Divide the extra batch, and put into clean frozen juice cans, covering the open end with foil, and freeze. When you want to bake cookies, take out one of the cans, open the other end and push out the dough through the can. Slice with a sharp knife, place rounds on cookie sheet, and bake. Fresh home made cookies in a jiffy! By Jen Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his father asked, "what did you learn today?" He answered, "The Rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt." "How?" The boy said "Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharoah up. Then while he was down, he got all the people together and ran towards the sea. When he got there, he has the Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge. Once they got on the other side, they blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying to cross." The father was shocked. "Is that what the Rabbi taught you?" The boy replied, "No. But you would never believe the BS he DID tell us!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When the fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. "Do you take children?' the man asked. "No, sir" replied the clerk. "only cash and credit cards."
» Veggies


Today, Feb 26, in 
1815 - Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. 
  He then began his second conquest of France.
1848 The second French Republic was proclaimed.
1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the National Currency Act.
1870 In New York City, the first pneumatic-powered subway 
  line was opened to the public.
1907 The U.S. Congress raised their own pay to $7500.
1916 Mutual signed Charlie Chaplin to a film contract.
1919 In Arizona, the Grand Canyon was established as 
  a National Park with an act of the U.S. Congress.
1929 U.S. President Coolidge signed a bill creating 
  the Grand Teton National Park.
1930 New York City installed traffic lights.
1945 In the U.S., a nationwide midnight curfew went 
  into effect.
1952 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announced 
  that Britain had developed an atomic bomb.
1986 Corazon Aquino was inaugurated president of the 
  Philippines. Long time President Ferdinand Marcos 
  went into exile.
1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced on Baghdad 
  Radio that Iraqi troops were being withdrawn from Kuwait.
1993 Six people were killed and more than a thousand 
  injured when a van exploded in the parking garage 
  beneath the World Trade Center in New York City. 
  The bomb had been built by Islamic extremists.
1998 A Texas jury rejected an $11 million lawsuit by Texas 
  cattlemen who blamed Oprah Winfrey for price drop after 
  on-air comment about mad-cow disease.
1998 In Oregon, a health panel rules that taxpayers must 
  help to pay for doctor-assisted suicides.
2009 Former Serbian president Milan Milutinovic was 
  acquitted by the International Criminal Tribunal for 
  the former Yugoslavia regarding war crimes during the 
  Kosovo War.
2013  smiled


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How to reduce printing size of online items  



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, February 25

Yesterday's picture is from Kay, taken at her cottage 
a few years ago. If I had known, I would have cheerfully 
added her copyright at the bottom.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"I taught sex education in the South Bronx, and as a sixth grade teacher I was told to answer all their sex questions. One kid asked, 'Is there any part of the woman's body known as the Volvo?' Which I thought was a good question. I said, 'Only on Swedish women.'" ---Dennis Wolfberg "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." --- Jack Lemmon
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car; both ladies could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was again red, and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention at the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. At this point she turned to her friend and said, "Mildred! Do you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could get killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Holy Moly! Am I driving?"
An woman went to traffic violation court for speeding, lost the argument as it always happens, and paid the fine. So the police clerk issued her a receipt for her payment of the fine. The lady annoyed at her defeat in the court asked him curtly, "What am I supposed to do with this?" "Keep it," the clerk advised politely. "When you get three of them, you can buy yourself a bicycle, Ma'am."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jose Angel Perales Jr., 24, of 609 Adams St., Muscatine Tattooed Naked Burglar Reported by Sailor A man accused of breaking into a Davenport lingerie store should have kept his clothes on and his tattoos covered as Davenport police said they had little trouble identifying him. Jose Angel Perales Jr., 24, of 609 Adams St., Muscatine, is charged with third-degree burglary and third-degree theft in connection with the burglary of Dr. John’s Lingerie Boutique, 4158 N. Brady St., the morning of Feb. 17. Perales was arrested Friday. He was released from the Scott County Jail after posting bond. According to the arrest affidavit filed by Davenport police, investigators viewing surveillance video saw a man enter the southeast door of the business about 4:10 a.m. The affidavit states the door was left unlocked. According to the affidavit, the man walked around the store and shopped before going into the manager’s office. When the man walked out of the office, he was naked, and the surveillance video showed a tattoo on the man’s back that read “Perales” in old English lettering. In checking Iowa’s mug shot system, police said they identified the man in the video as Jose Perales. Perales spent about two hours in the store trying on various items, according to the affidavit. He then left the store wearing a dress and a blond wig b elonging to the business. He also was carrying a Dr. John’s merchandise bag containing various items belonging to the business, according to the affidavit. Investigators seized merchandise from the store during a search of Perales’ residence, according to the affidavit. Third-degree burglary is a Class D felony under Iowa law that carries a prison sentence of up to five years. Third-degree theft is an aggravated misdemeanor that carries a prison sentence of up to two years. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Printing online stuff is too big Dear Webby Greetings from Ohio, Still lovin' you newsletter and tech support. Now I am in need again. Recently when I try to print something from "on line" the size of the printing is about 3 time what it should be. This happens no matter what printer I use. Just tried to print a bank statement and huge print. My wordperfect and works does fine as does my paint shop pro. Any thoughts? Thanks in advance, jh Dear Dear Jim When you want to print something, the in Firefox hit ALT F (File) U (Page Setup) for page setup. In there put a checkmark onto Shrink to fit page width or select a percentage. I usually have mine set at 70%. That seems to work fine. Those settings will stay in effect until you change them again. Other browsers are similar. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Eyeglass Case To Store Small Items We always have a lot of empty eyeglass cases around. I use them to carry my scissors, toe nail clippers, tweezers, etc. in my purse. I carry lipstick and other small items when traveling; like buttons, thread and needle just in case. I also carry pens in them as well. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "can my luck be any worse?!? What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know...why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replied, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
» Classy cars


Today, Feb 25, in 
1502 Austrian emperor Maximilian I reformats government machine 
1570 England's Queen Elizabeth I was excommunicated by 
  Pope Pius V.
1751 Edward Willet displayed the first trained monkey act 
  in the U.S.
1836 Samuel Colt received a patent for a "revolving gun".
1901 The United States Steel Corp. was incorporated by 
  J.P. Morgan.
1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. 
  It authorized a graduated (Marxist) income tax, that taxes 
  hard workers more than lazy ones.
1919 The state of NE became the first state to place a tax 
  on gasoline. The tax was 1 cent per gallon.
1930 The bank check photographing device was patented.
1933 The first aircraft carrier, Ranger, was launched.
1948 Communists seized power in Czechoslovakia.
1956 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev criticized the late 
  Josef Stalin in a speech before a Communist Party congress
1972 Germany gave a $5 million ransom to Arab terrorist who 
  had hijacked a jumbo jet.
1986 Filippino President Ferdinand E. Marcos fled the 
  Philippines after 20 years of rule after a tainted election.
2000 In Albany, NY, a jury acquitted four New York City police 
  officers of second-degree murder and lesser charges in the 
  February 1999 shooting death of Amadou Diallo.
2005 Dennis Rader was arrested for the BTK serial killings in 
  Wichita, KS. He later pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 
  10 life prison terms.
2013  smiled


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How to deal with spam and mail after an absence? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, February 24

Thank you Bill M.!
Thank you Helen K.!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do." --- John Wooden Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others. --- Jules Renard “Some things you just can’t question. Like you can’t question why two plus two is four. So don’t question it, don’t try to look it up. I don’t know who made it, all I know is it was put in my head that two plus two is four. So certain things happen. Why does it rain? Why am I so sexy? I don’t know.” --­ Shaquille O’Neal
Thanks to Dave for this story: My wife chewed me out at the company picnic a while back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times???" "Not a bit," I replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate for you!"
A guy walked into a post office one day to see a middle aged balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then took out a perfume bottle and started spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he went up to the balding guy and asked him what he was doing. The man said, "I'm sending out 1,000 lovey-dovey cards signed, 'Guess Who?'" "But why?" asked the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer." the man replied.
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Aalaya Walker, 18, St. Petersburg, Florida Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles An 18-year-old Florida woman was only slightly injured this week when she was shot by her friend's oven, police said. Aalaya Walker was visiting a friend in St. Petersburg Monday when they decided they wanted some late-night waffles, The Tampa Bay Times reported. So Walker began preheating the oven — unaware that her friend, JJ Sandy, 25, was storing a magazine from his .45-caliber Glock 21 in the oven. The magazine exploded about 9 p.m. ET, spraying casing fragments at high speed and striking Walker. She managed to pick some of the fragments out of her leg and chest and then took a bus to the hospital, where she was treated and released. Sandy told police he'd stored the gun in a drawer but had stored the magazine in the oven. Four rounds were in the 13-capacity magazine, he said. Sandy wasn't charged because he had a proper concealed weapons permit, The Tampa Tribune reported. Aalaya will hopefully check the oven in the future not just for ammo, but also for fireworks, cats, and toys. Tech Support Pits From: Edith Re: Mail after an absence Dear Webby How do you deal with mail, that accumulates while you can't see after the injections? Considering that you have never changed your email address, there must be thousands of emails after a few days not cleaning them. How do you cope with all the spam, that must be lurking and waiting for you? Edith Dear Edith? What spam? I use MailWasher. When I come back, I hit F6 and it sends all the stuff that it figures I won't read anyway, straight to hell, right on the server. Once it has done that, it opens Eudora, the email program. CTRL M gets the Mail, just the hundred or so emails, that I will actually answer. All the rest has gone to hell. Sure, I have made some filters in MailWasher to make it even more precise, but that is easy, and not limited like in Gmail. You can make awfully convoluted filters using AND, BUT NOT IF, etc., all the regular expressions, and then top if off with an additional rule telling it that your Friends list takes precedence. You can also make a filter that dumps anything, that has for example Arabic or Korean characters in the text, if you won't be able to read that anyway. MailWasher also tells me if a mail has an attachment. Any crap pretending to be from UPS or a bank or the Government, but has an attachment is obviously phony. That also never makes it to my computer. The way email is these days, if you plan to keep the same email address for a few years, you need to have a competent anti-spam program. I use and recommend MailWasher. I have used it since it was a free experimental program over a dozen years ago, with a grub-stake donation encouraged, but not required. I have never regretted sending Nick that donation. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Set a Timer to Put Out Candles I enjoy seeing my candles lit. It gives a warm cosy feeling on a cold winter's day. But how many times have we heard about candles left unattended causing fires. My tip for today is to "put on the stove timer when you light the candle, for the length of time you want them lit". This will remind you to blow them out. If this tip will prevent one fire, then its worth the effort. By Sheila If your oven timer is not loud enough or near enough, put the candle into a glass jar and fill it with water up to the level that you want to budget for that night. When the candle burns down to that level, the water will extinguish it automatically and safely. If you put the candle out manually, NEVER blow it out! Aside from the nuisance of hot wax splattering all over the place, you are destroying an hour's use of the wick, when a hot wick is blown. You can buy fancy wick dippers or easily make one from a straightened out paper clip. Just bend a tiny "U" or "V" into one end. Then you can use that to DIP the wick into the puddle of molten wax around it, to extinguish it. That covers it with an airtight hermetic seal, so that the hot wick can not oxydize and turn it's tip into useless ash, - and get shorter each time. Just briefly dip the wick into the molten wax, and then straighten it out, ready for next time. That two second procedure will gain you an hour extra burning time, and no wax splatters on your fancy table linen. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy. "Nothing easier," Twain said. "No man can serve two masters."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair. "As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils." The waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Velly beautiful," he said politely. "Ivoly fwom almost extinct mountain eliphant!"
» Classy cars


Today, Feb 24, in 
0303 1st official Roman edict for persecution of Christians issued 
1510 Pope Julius II excommunicates the republic of Venice
1803 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled itself to be the final interpreter of all constitutional issues.
1821 Mexico gains independence from Spain 
1835 "Siwinowe Kesibwi" (The Shawnee Sun) was issued as the first Indian language monthly publication in the U.S.
1839 Mr. William S. Otis received a patent for the steam shovel.
1863 Arizona was organized as a territory.
1868 The first parade to use floats occurred in New Orleans 
  at Mardi Gras.
1900 New York City Mayor Van Wyck signed the contract to 
  begin work on New York's first rapid transit tunnel. 
  The tunnel would link Manhattan and Brooklyn. The ground 
  breaking ceremony was on March 24, 1900.
1903 In Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, an area was leased to the U.S. 
  for a naval base.
1917 Russian revolution breaks out 
1925 A thermit was used for the first time. It was used to 
  break up a 250,000-ton ice jam that had clogged the 
  St. Lawrence River near Waddington, NY.
1938 The first nylon bristle toothbrush was made. It was 
  the first time that nylon yarn had been used commercially.
1942 The U.S. Government stopped shipments of all 12-gauge 
  shotguns for sporting use for the wartime effort.
1942 The Voice of America (VOA) aired for the first time.
1945 During World War II, the Philippine capital of Manilla, 
  was liberated by U.S. soldiers.
1946 Juan Peron was elected president of Argentina.
1956 The city of Cleveland invoked a 1931 law that barred 
  people under the age of 18 from dancing in public without 
  an adult guardian.
1980 NBC premiered the TV movie "Harper Valley P.T.A."
1981 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Britain's 
  Prince Charles to Lady Diana Spencer.
1987 An exploding supernova was discovered in the Large 
  Magellanic Cloud galaxy.
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned a $200,000 award to 
  Rev. Jerry Falwell that had been won against "Hustler" 
  magazine. The ruling expanded legal protections for 
  parody and satire.
1989 Iran’s Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini sentenced Salman 
  Rushdie to death for his novel "The Satanic Verses". 
  A bounty of one to three-million-dollars was also put 
  on Rushidie's head.
1989 A United Airlines 747 jet rips open in flight killing 
  9 people. The flight was from Honolulu to New Zealand.
1997 The U.S. The Food and Drug Administration named 
  six brands of birth control as safe and effective 
  "morning-after" pills for preventing pregnancy.
1999 In southeast China, a domestic airliner crashed 
  killing all 64 passengers.
2008 Cuba's parliament named Raul Castro president. 
  His brother Fidel had ruled for nearly 50 years.
2013  smiled


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Permanent ads 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, February 23

Back in the saddle again!
This time there was no pain, just irritation and blurred
vision after the shots, and the next ones are not until 
April 3.

Dad told me that the European media are all hysterical about
horse meat in their hamburgers, even Canadian horse meat.
The funny thing is, those gullible Euros all think that 
both horses in Canada are doped up like Lance Armstrong,
and that their kids might turn into athletes.

The simple souls don't realize that Canada has Millions 
of horses, and none of them are doped up. The cowboys 
definitely don't spend money on dope for company horses,
and the rest of the horses are owned by families, who 
consider it fashionalbe to have few horses, and who
have them boarded somewhere, so that they can go for a
leisurely trail ride a few times a year. A full gallop
would scare the pants off most of them, and they complain
all year long about the vet bills for the necessary shots
and vitamins. They most definitely are not interested in
any costly dope.

The funny thing is, cattle in Europe is now recorded from
birth to supermarket, just like cattle in North America,
but many farmers there dope their cattle fiercely, so that 
they put on more weight quicker. They call them "Turbo-Cows",

I remember how they walked the cattle to "Alps", grazing 
areas in the mountains, up above the tree line. And in fall,
walked them down into the valley again. With the "Turbo Cows"
they can't do that any more. Partly because they are too 
heavy to walk that far, partly because their owners are 
worried the cows might lose some weight from that long walk. 
So they built or improved the roads up there and are now 
hauling the Turbo Cows up and down with cattle trucks, or 
leave them in stalls in the valley.

Meat from doped up Turbo Cows is quite acceptable in Europe, 
but meat from healthy free range horses in Canada freaks 
them out. Horses are like Holy Cows to them.

On the other hand, they eat Bambies. Young deer.
They breed deer in captivity and somehow got the knack of
getting them to have half a dozen bambies. They feed them
up with corn and dope and lettuce for a year, and then
sell the meat for big money. 

But the thought of meat from Canadian free range horses 
freaks them out. Must be the dope from the Turbo Cows!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. --- David T. Wolf Television has raised writing to a new low. --- Samuel Goldwyn Mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move. --- Benjamin Franklin
A nun was sitting at a window in her convent one day when she was handed a letter from home. Upon opening it a $50 bill dropped out. She was most pleased at receiving the gift from her home folks, but as she read the letter her attention was distracted by the actions of a shabbily dressed stranger who was leaning against a post in front of the convent. She couldn't get him off her mind and thinking that he might be in financial difficulties. She took the $50 bill and wrapped it in a piece of paper, on which she had written, "Don't despair, Sister Eulalia." She threw it out of the window to him. He picked it up, read it, looked at her with a puzzled expression, tipped his hat and went off down the street. The next day she was in her room saying her prayers when she was told that a man was at her door who insisted on seeing her. She went down and found the shabbily dressed stranger waiting for her. Without saying a word he handed her a roll of bills. When she asked what the bills were for he replied, "That's the four-hundred bucks you have coming. Don't Despair paid 7-1."
Good old classic! A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ronald Howard, 30, Mnatee County, Florida Jailed for bad manners and assault Ronald Howard was sitting on the couch “scratching his balls” yesterday when his girlfriend told him to cease the scratching “because it was rude and disgusting and she was about to eat dinner,” police report. Howard, 30, reportedly rose from the couch in the Florida home he shares with Shalamar Petrarca and confronted her. Howard, seen in the above mug shot, allegedly got in the 25-year-old Petrarca’s face and yelled at her to “stop judging him.” Petrarca told Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputies that Howard then pushed her to the ground--causing a scraped ankle--and then “threw her outside and told her to get the hell out.” In an interview with investigators, Howard claimed that Petrarca punched him in the eye for “scratching his balls.” He added that he pushed her out of their residence “in self defense,” adding that he did not call cops because he “didn’t want it to go that far.” While Howard did not have any visible injuries, Petrarca, seen at left, had “a scratch on her leg that was consistent with her version of events.” Howard was arrested for misdemeanor battery and booked into the Manatee County jail. Bail has not been set. If he gets bail, it will most likely include an order to stay away from Petrarca and their shared residence. Howard is scheduled for a March 21 court appearance. Interesting how Petrarca achieves a "concerned" appearance by painting fake eyebrows tilted 45 degrees up from where her shaved off eyebrows would have been. One way to look "concerned" without furrowing that immaculate brow. Mr Howard has to actually raise his eyebrows to achieve that well practised "exasperated and hard done by" look. Tech Support Pits From: Mia Re: Permanent ads Dear Webby I hope your eyes have recovered from the injections! I would freak out if someone was going to poke needles into my eyeballs! They would have to knock me out and better not wake me up for a few days! That was quite interesting about the ads. What about ads in the side margin, that you have kept for years, like "Find A Human", which I use quite often, or the Translator, or the NASA gallery, Sky Watch, the Hunger Site and the Mammogram girls, just to mention a few. Somehow I doubt that any of those ever pay you even a penny. What's the story with those? Mia Dear Mia You are right. Those ads don't pay me at all. Those are "Public Service", just a favor from me. Just "paying it forward", or "banking good Karma", whatever you might call it. I know you proabbly COULD find those links on your own in a few hours of searching, but a lot of people find them handy to have them all in one place. Since enough subscribers DO like them there, I will keep the right side side-menu. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Safety Pin to Eliminate Static Cling The natural way to fix static cling is to pin a small safety pin to the seam of the slip you are wearing. It acts like a grounding device. It eliminates the static cling in your dress. If you wear slacks, then place the safety pin in the seam of your slacks, to keep static off of your panty hose when wearing them under slacks. I just found this out from the internet. By Robyn Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times so far!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There once was a Preacher that went to heaven. (In jokes that CAN happen!) When he got to the pearly gates, there was a man in front of him. The man was a mess (dirty t-shirt, holes in his jeans, long hair, and wearing flip flops). The man told St Peter his name and told him he was a New York taxi driver. St Peter looked up his name and gave him a silk robe and a silver staff with built in juke box and police scanner. The Preacher then walked up to St Peter gave his name. He told him he was a Preacher of such & such church. St Peter looked up his name and gave him a short, hospital style cotton robe with rear draft and a plain wooden stick. The Preacher complained and said " Hey, the guy before me was a taxi driver and you gave him a silk robe and a silver staff. I'm a preacher of the word of God and all I got was this flimsy cotton robe and a dumb wooden stick." St Peter said to the Preacher, "When you preached people slept, When he drove people prayed."
» Dogs of War


Today, Feb 23, in 
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots.
1660 Charles XI became the king of Sweden.
1792 The Humane Society of Massachusetts was incorporated.
1813 The first U.S. raw cotton-to-cloth mill was founded in 
  Waltham, MA.
1836 In San Antonio, TX, the siege of the Alamo began.
1847 Santa Anna was defeated at the Battle of Buena Vista 
  in Mexico by U.S. troops under Gen. Zachary.
1861 U.S. President-elect Abraham Lincoln arrived secretly in
  Washington to take his office after an assassination 
  attempt in Baltimore.
1861 Texas became the 7th state to secede from the Union.
1870 The state of Mississippi was readmitted to the Union.
1875 J. Palisa discovered asteroid #143 (aka Adria).
1886 Charles M. Hall completed his invention of aluminum.
1887 The French/Italian Riviera was hit by an earthquake 
  that killed about 2,000.
1896 The Tootsie Roll was introduced by Leo Hirshfield.
1904 The U.S. acquired control of the Panama Canal Zone 
  for $10 million.
1915 Nevada began enforcing convenient divorce law.
1919 The Fascist Party was formed in Italy by Benito Mussolini.
1927 The Federal Radio Commission began assigning frequencies,
  hours of operation and power allocations for radio broadcasters.
  On July 1, 1934 the name was changed to the Federal 
  Communications Commission (FCC).
1932 Robert Short became the first American to die in an arial 
  battle with the Japanese. (more info)
1940 Russian troops conquered Lasi Island.
1940 Walt Disney's animated movie "Pinocchio" was released.
1954 The first mass vaccination of children against polio 
  began in Pittsburgh, PA.
1980 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared that Iran's new 
  parliament would have to decide the fate of the hostages 
  taken on November 4, 1979, at the U.S. embassy in Tehran.
1991 During the Persian Gulf War, ground forces crossed the 
  border of Saudi Arabia into the country of Iraq. Less 
  than four days later the war was over due to the surrender 
  or withdraw of Iraqi forces.
1993 Gary Coleman won a $1,280,000 lawsuit against his parents.
1998 In central Florida, tornadoes killed 42 people and damaged and/or destroyed about 2,600 homes and businesses.
1999 White supremacist John William King was found guilty of 
  kidnapping and murdering James Byrd Jr. Byrd was dragged 
  behind a truck for two miles on a country road in Texas.
2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200 feet over an oncoming train.
2005 The New York, NY, city medical examiner's office annouced 
  that it had exhausted all efforts to identify the remains 
  of the people killed at the World Trade Center on 
  September 11, 2001, due to the limits of DNA technology. 
  About 1,600 people had been identified leaving more than 
  1,100 unidentified.
2013  smiled


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Income from ads 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, February 19.

Today I have to go for more injections into my 
eyeballs. That means there won't be any newsletters on
Thursday and Friday, and possibly not on Saturday either.
Sunday should be OK again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. --- Albert Einstein Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. --- Frank Lloyd Wright
A little old Jewish lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, "If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat." The girl gets up and gives up her seat to the old lady. Because it is hot on the bus, the girl takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. The old lady looks up and says, "If you knew what I have, you would fan me, too." The girl begins to fan her. Fifteen minutes later the little old lady stands up and says to the bus driver, "Stop, I want to get off here." The bus driver tells her he has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, "If you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here." The bus driver immediately pulls over in the middle of the block and opens the door to let her out. As she's stepping off the bus he asks her, "Lady, tell me, what is it you have?" The little old lady looks at him and nonchalantly replies, "Chutzpah."
A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is watching you!" The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dummy named you Moses?" "The same dummy who called his Rottweiler Jesus."
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Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Aydrea Meaders, 24, Albany, NY Jailed After Performing Strip Tease At Daughter's Elementary School Aydrea Meaders, a 24-year-old Albany female was jailed Friday after she allegedly began stripping at her daughter's elementary school assembly. According to Albany police, officers were called to the North Albany Academy on reports that a parent of one of the students was exposing herself to children during a school assembly. When officers arrived on the scene, school officials told them that Meaders had climbed up on stage and began dancing with the kids. School officials thought the act was unexpected, but didn't see anything inappropriate about it until Meaders began shedding her clothing. She allegedly exposed herself from the waist up in front of a group of 200 children before staff members were able to cover her and escort her away from the children. Meaders was booked into jail and charged with one count of public lewdness and seven counts of endangering the welfare of a child. Tech Support Pits From: Hank (papa) Re: Ad income Hi webby, Good luck and only short small pains on your eyeball shots tomorrow. Your in my prayers. Do you get paid when I click and read the ads in your letter or a lump sum when placing them. I ask because I can click and read all of them if it helps. take care tomorrow and always, Hank (papa) Dear Hank No, those days are long gone. Nowadays ads are strictly by commission. If I succeed in finding an ad, that has something useful for you, and you click through it and buy it, then I get a commission. If I fail to find something, that is useful to you, and you don't buy anything, then I get nothing. Quite often it happens that nobody buys anything for a long time. Most people need to see an ad for a number of days, before they have or take the time to buy something, that they need. It is just as difficult to gauge how long they need to see an ad as it is to pick the right goods. For example, Self Improvement Books: Fuhgeddabouddit!!!! My readers are already perfect and don't need any Improvement. That whole big topic is a total dud. The same goes for home based business opportunities. Billionaires don't need that, and besides, they are all too busy for stuff like that. So you see, it is a matter of finding goods and services that are in demand, and showing them often enough for somebody to buy something. The commission system is very fair to the company, that sells goods or services, but publishers have to take what they can get. The Pay Per View days are long gone. Re the eyes: The injections don't really hurt. The problem is the additives before and after the injections. They are just nice, cool drops, but they mess up the vision for days. Some of them are similar to the dilater drops you get from the optometrist, to make it easy for him to see the inside of your eyes without having to use an expensive camera, just much stronger and longer lasting. Other drops are an anesthetic, some are a disinfectant, and the final ones are a varnish type sealer to ensure absoutely nothing goes into the hole made by the needle. Usually all that stuff wears off in 2-3 days, but sometimes, like with the September 4 injections, something goes wrong with the additives and it causes extreme pain for a few days. The shots themselves are no problem. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Homemade Stain Remover If you mix 1 part Dawn dish washing liquid with 2 parts hydrogen peroxide you have the best spot remover! This is probably the only cleaner you will ever need. Either spray or pour on the spot and watch it disappear. Some stains you will need to leave on for awhile. Rinse when it disappears. Love it, it really works. By Dorothy W. from New Creek, WV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

Lost Churches of Louisiana One of the local television stations in Louisiana aired an interview with a woman from New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. The interviewer was from a Boston affiliate. She asked the Lousiana woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the area had affected their lives. Without hesitation, the woman replied: "I don't know about all those other people, but we haven't gone to Churches in years. We gets our chicken from Popeye's".
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Vinnie for this story: We purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared. One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."
» The Wedding Ceremony


Today, Feb 20, in 
1673 The first recorded wine auction took place in London.
1792 U.S. President George Washington signed the Postal 
  Service Act thereby creating the U.S. Post Office.
1809 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal 
  government was greater than that of any individual state.
1839 The U.S. Congress prohibited dueling in the District 
  of Columbia.
1872 Luther Crowell received a patent for a machine that 
  manufactured paper bags.
1872 Silas Noble and J.P. Cooley patented the toothpick 
  manufacturing machine.
1931 The U.S. Congress allowed California to build the 
  Oakland Bay Bridge.
1933 The U.S. House of Representatives completed congressional 
  action on the amendment to repeal Prohibition.
1944 "Big Week" began as U.S. bombers began raiding German 
  aircraft manufacturing centers during World War II.
1962 John Glenn made space history when he orbited the world 
  three times in 4 hours, 55 minutes. He was the first American 
  to orbit the Earth. He was aboard the Friendship 7 
  Mercury capsule.
1965 Ranger 8 crashed on the moon after sending back thousands 
  of pictures of its surface.
1987 A bomb exploded in a computer store in Salt Lake City, UT. 
  The blast was blamed on the Unabomber.
2002 In Reqa Al-Gharbiya, Egypt, a fire raced through a train 
  killing at least 370 people and injuring at least 65.
2003 In West Warwick, RI, 99 people were killed when fire 
  destroyed the nightclub The Station. The fire started with 
  sparks from a pyrotechnic display being used by Great White. 
  Ty Longley, guitarist for Great White, was one of the victims 
  in the fire.
2013  smiled


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Copyright of Internet pictures 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, February 19.

Thank you Erl!
Thank you, Frank!

This Wednesday I have to go for more injections into my 
eyeballs. That means there won't be any newsletters on
Thursday and Friday, and possibly not on Saturday either.
Sunday should be OK again.


The Venezuelan sponsored anti-pipeline demonstration in
Washington, featuring all the professional protesters, that
we have seen at the G8 protests and the Occupy some street
protests, but clean shaven and with brand new, colorful
windbreakers, delighted the left wing media. It was a slow
weekend, ya know.

It also delighted China. Those protesters are Obama's 
buddies and he figures, he owes them a favor.

China knows that any veto or delay of the Keystone pipeline
will simply divert Billions towards the Westbound pipelines 
to BCs tanker harbors for cheap oil to China and Sout-East
Asia. 

All of those countries have pretty well outgrown old-fashioned
Communism, and are all looking for really long term contracts
with stable countries. Like Canada.

Venezuela stole all the oil wells and refineries from the oil 
companies and is not considered a stable country. Nobody
knows what they are going to do next.

The same goes for Arab oil suppliers. It is difficult to 
plan an economy far ahead, based on unpredictable oil 
suppliers. So they are all cheering on the Venezuelan 
sponsored Anti Keystone Pipeline protests, and planning to 
get their oil with super tankers from Kittimat and Vancouver. 
The more the Keystone pipeline is held up, the more money
flows to the Western routes. 

While the Enbridge "Northern Gateway" pipeline to Kittimat
gets most of the media attention, it is not the only route 
to the Pacific. Sure, the colorful protests of the Natives,
who are playing hard to please while they are trying to milk 
a few extra Billion bucks out of it, look good on TV. 

The good old Trans Mountain Pipeline from Edmonton to 
Vancouver and on to Puget Sound in Washington State, can 
easily be expanded to 600,000 barrels a day. More than 
9/10 of that will be available to fill Supertankers.

However, don't worry. Sooner or later, maybe after the next 
election, the Keystone pipeline will be built and cheap 
Canadian oil will flow to the US.

By the way, tarsands oil is not a thin oil, that would flow
far if a terrorist blows up the pipeline. It is like tar.
Thick and barely pumpable. What little bit flows out before
automatic valves shut things down, stays on the surface and
can be cleaned up easily. And contrary to what the wackos
say, it IS natural and comes from the earth. Really!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

To see what is right and not to do it is want of courage. --- Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC) Fitness - If it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body. --- Cher
Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic: One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?" "Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a big decision! Have you talked it over with your family?" "Yeah, we took a vote... and they're in favor of it: 15 to 2."
A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, "Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job." "Incredible!" exclaimed the man. "I can't believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!" "No, no," pleaded the dog. "Please don't! If that man finds out I can talk, he'll have me answering the phone too!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patrick Ring, 45, and Dianna Rodriguez, 41, Plumber, wife jailed for McDonald's bathroom fixtures thefts Reported by The Smoking Gun A plumber and his wife have been charged in the theft of toilet flush valves from area McDonald's restaurants. Patrick Ring, 45, and Dianna Rodriguez, 41, were arrested on Feb. 6 after police nabbed them while they were allegedly stealing metal, jail records show. The couple was arrested hours after the San Antonio Police Department released a description of their Chevrolet Lumina and surveillance images of the couple inside a McDonald's restaurant. In a videotaped confession, they later said that they entered a McDonald's restaurant at the 3400 block of East Southcross on Dec.11 to steal flush valves from the bathrooms, according to their arrest warrant affidavits. They said they had done the same at five other McDonald's locations. The stolen flush valves were sold to a recycling company located on Culebra Road, the affidavit said. The metal made to complete the valve is brass, which is considered a precious metal. They told officers they stole flush valves from five other restaurants around the city, though they have only been charged in connection with two thefts. They remain behind bars charged with two state jail felony counts of theft of aluminum/bronze/copper and other unrelated charges. Tech Support Pits From: Tess Re: Copyright of pictures Webby, thanks so much for your newsletter. I love it! I'd like to put some of the gorgeous photos you show onto jigidi.com to work them as jigsaw puzzles. I note that normally you don't include copyright information, though. How would I get permission to post them as jigsaw puzzles? Tess Dear Tess When I know who created or owns a picture, then I put their copyright notice on it, except for pictures that I took or that my father took. With other pictures that are from anonymous PPS collections sent to me by friends, nobody knows whose pictures they originally were. Quite often they have been altered on their journeys across the net, cropped, enhanced, edited. They still contain part of the original, but are sometimes as different as a view of the Eiffel tower during a different season. I would say, go ahead and use them, and if you do find out who originated it, THEN, depending on how friendly the original author is, either add the copyright and a link, or dump it. Usually just a link to where you got a picture from, insulates you from any hassles. It is also polite and good manners to add a link, for example: Seen on the DearWebby Humor Letter at http://webby.com/humor After adding a lik like that, notify that site and with any luck, they will add a reciprocal link back to you. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dryer Sheets for Shoes To freshen boots, bowling shoes, ski boots, etc., place a dryer sheet in each one when not in use. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A friend was lecturing in Latin America. He was going to use a translator, but to identify with his audience, he wanted to begin his talk by saying in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." He arrived at the auditorium a little early and realized he did not know the Spanish words for ladies and gentlemen. Being rather resourceful, he went to the part of the building where the restrooms were, looked at the signs on the two doors, and memorized those two words. When the audience arrived and he was introduced, he stood up and said in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." The audience was shocked. He didn't know whether he had offended them or perhaps they hadn't heard him or under- stood him. So he decided to repeat it. Again in Spanish he said, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." One person in the audience began to snicker. Pretty soon the entire audience was laughing. Finally, someone told him that he had said, "Good evening, bathrooms and broom closets!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked: "What sort of people were punished in the stocks?" To which a small voice from the back of the room responded: "The small investor."
» Painted Mosaics


Today, Feb 19, in 
1807 Former U.S. Vice President Aaron Burr was arrested in 
  Alabama. He was later tried and acquitted on charges of 
  treason.
1846 The formal transfer of government between Texas and the 
  United States took place. Texas had officially become a 
  state on December 29, 1845.
1856 The tintype camera was patented by Professor 
  Hamilton L. Smith.
1878 Thomas Alva Edison patented a music player, phonograph
1881 Kansas became the first state to prohibit all alcohol
1942 U.S. President Roosevelt signed an executive order giving 
  the military the authority to relocate and intern 
  Japanese-Americans.
1942 Approximately 150 Japanese warplanes attacked the Australian 
  city of Darwin.
1945 During World War II, about 30,000 U.S. Marines landed on 
  Iwo Jima.
1953 The State of Georgia approved the first literature censorship 
  board in the U.S. Newspapers were excluded from the new 
  legislation.
1959 Cyprus was granted its independence with the signing of an 
  agreement with Britain, Turkey and Greece.
1963 The Soviet Union informed U.S. President Kennedy it would 
  withdraw "several thousand" of its troops from Cuba.
1981 The U.S. State Department call El Savador a "textbook case" 
  of a Communist plot.
1981 Ford Motor Company announced its loss of $1.5 billion.
1985 William Schroeder became the first artificial-heart 
  patient to leave the confines of the hospital.
1986 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty outlawing genocide. 
  The pact had been submitted 37 years earlier for ratification.
1986 The Soviet Union launched the Mir space station.
1997 Deng Xiaoping of China died at the age of 92. He was the 
  last of China's major revolutionaries.
2002 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began using its thermal 
  emission imaging system to map Mars.
2005 The USS Jimmy Carter was commissioned at Groton, CT. 
  It was the last of the Seawolf class of attack submarines.
2008 Fidel Castro resigned the Cuban presidency. 
  His brother Raul was later named as his successor.
2013  smiled


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Is it safe to buy Laptop batteries at Amazon? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, February 18.

Thank you Erl!
Thank you, Frank!

This Wednesday I have to go for more injections into my 
eyeballs. That means there won't be any newsletters on
Thursday and Friday, and possibly not on Saturday either.
Sunday should be OK again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"The Wall Street Journal reports that two million Americans got married because of someone they met online. The bad news, four million got divorced because of somebody they met online." --- Jay Leno Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses. --- Socratex A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. --- Baltasar Gracian
A golfer went to see his doctor. He was suffering from major stress syndrome. The doctor asked him if he played golf, to which the golfer replied "I play at it, it's a very frustrating game, but I love it." The doctor told him that the next time he played, he should use an imaginary ball. The golfer was a little embarrassed, but he decided to give it a try. So he went out on a week day so his normal golfing buddies wouldn't see him, and proceeded to tee up an imaginary ball. Lo and behold, he birdied the first hole! He was playing the best game he had ever played, with birdie or eagle on every hole, as he approached the 9th green. Another single gentleman had been playing ahead of him and watching this game with much curiosity. The second golfer waited before he teed off on the 10th hole and asked the first golfer if he would like to join him. They did, and as they played the 10th hole, the second golfer asked him what he was doing. The first golfer explained that his doctor had told him to play a round of golf with an imaginary ball to relieve his stress, and it was working. Well, of course, the second golfer said he had stress and asked if it would be all right to play with an imaginary ball, also. The first golfer said "Sure!" They now approach the 18th hole, short par 4, and both men are tied to this point in their round. The second golfer teed his imaginary ball, took a stroke, and started jumping up and down shouting, "Ace! I win!" The first golfer only turned to him, smiled, and said "No, I won. That was my ball."
Anthony and Kathy married. Anthony thought this would be a modern marriage which meant equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, Anthony brought Kathy breakfast in bed. Kathy wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, Anthony brought his true love a scrambled egg. Kathy wasn't having any of it. "Don't you think I like variety? I wanted poached this morning!" Determined to please Kathy, the next morning he brought his true love two eggs - one scrambled and one poached. "Here, my love... enjoy!" Kathy acted furious, "You scrambled the wrong egg!" Anthony took the plate and ate both eggs himself, in the kitchen.
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Hang On !
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Clarice Lee, 22, Tucson, Arizona Teacher's Aide - jailed for Group Sex In School Gym While Three Additional Students Watched Reported by The Smoking Gun Clarice Lee, a 22-year-old teacher's aid at Amphitheater High School, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly had group sex in the school gymnasium while three more students watched and video recorded the show. According to Tucson Police, an investigation was launched Tuesday morning when school administrators learned of the encounter and notified police. Investigators say Lee engaged in sexual intercourse with a 16-year-old student and made sexual contact with two 18-year-old students Friday while three other students (ages 17 and 18) watched and created a video of the encounter on a cell phone. The alleged sexual encounter took place in a gymnasium that is no longer used by the school during the school lunch hour, according to the arrest report. Police interviewed the students involved and seized the video they had recorded. Lee resigned her position at the school after her arrest. She was booked into the Pima County Jail and charged with four counts of sexual misconduct with a minor. Lee may face additional charges in regards to the 18-year-old students. Tech Support Pits From: Morris Re: Amazon Battery for laptop Dear Webby, I have seen batteries advertised on Amazon. Are they safe and a good deal? Morris Dear Morris SOME batteries sold on Amazon are probably re-sales from the wholesaler I mentioned yesterday. SOME! Others are used and cleaned up, and may not last very long. And some will be stolen, with nobody knowing how good they are. When it comes to batteries, I prefer dealing with a big and respected company, that is concerned about their reputation, not some anonymous guy who bunks beside the dumpster behind the Salvation Army and uses a Ho'mail address. There are many good deals on Amazon, even great ones, but computers and batteries are best bought from big outfits, that will still be in business next year. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Drawers For More Counter Space If you are running out of counter or cooking room in the kitchen, open up your lower cabinet top kitchen drawers. Lay a cookie sheet or cutting board across them. I like to do this when baking and need more room to put my cooking racks on for baked goods to cool. They are light weight and won't pull down on the drawers. By mom-from-missouri from MW MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

The young teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked Johnny, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes west longitude...?" After a confused silence, Johnnie offered this as his answer, "Well, Miss McCutie, I guess you'd be eating alone. I can't swim THAT far!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At work, Bob noticed that the name of an employee was the same as an old friend. He found the man's e-mail address and sent him a message. When Bob received a reply, he was insulted and fired back another e-mail: "I have put on some weight, but I didn't realize it was that noticeable." His friend's hastily typed message, with an apparent typo, had read: "Hi, Ron. I didn't know you worked here, but I did see a gut that looked like you in the cafeteria."
» Fetch!


Today, Feb 18, in 
1564 The artist Michelanglelo died in Rome.
1685 Robert Cavelier, Sieur de LaSalle established 
  Fort St. Louis at Matagorda Bay, and thus formed the basis 
  for France's claim to Texas.
1841 The first continuous filibuster in the U.S. Senate began. 
  It lasted until March 11th.
1885 Mark Twain's "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" was 
  published in the U.S. for the first time.
1930 Elm Farm Ollie became the first cow to fly in an airplane.
1930 The planet Pluto was discovered by Clyde Tombaugh. 
  The discovery was made as a result of photographs 
  taken in January 1930.
1952 Greece and Turkey became members of NATO.
1953 Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz signed a contract worth 
  $8,000,000 to continue the "I Love Lucy" TV show through 1955.
1970 The Chicago Seven defendants were found innocent of 
  conspiring to incite riots at the 1968 Democratic 
  national convention.
1972 The California Supreme Court struck down the state's 
  death penalty.
1998 In Russia, money shortages resulted in the shutting 
  down of three plants that produced nuclear weapons.
1998 In Nevada, two white separatists were arrested and 
  accused of plotting a bacterial attack on subways in 
  New York City.
2001 NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt, Sr., was killed in a 
  crash during the Daytona 500 race.
2001 FBI agent Robert Philip Hanssen was arrested and accused 
  of spying for Russia for more than 15 years. He later 
  pleaded guilty and was sentenced to life in prison without 
  parole.
2003 In South Korea, at least 120 people were killed when a 
  man lit a fire on a subway train.
2006 American Shani Davis won the men's 1,000-meter speedskating 
  in Turin. He was the first black athlete to win an 
  individual gold medal in Winter Olympic history.
2013  smiled


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Source for cheaper laptop batteries 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, February 17.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear. --- Alan Corenk Never rely on the glory of the morning nor the smiles of your mother-in-law. --- Japanese Proverb
Two women were at a bar. One said, "You know, eighty percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love." "Well," said the other, "that would certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!"
Love at first sight is only a twenty-four hour alcohol induced disease. The tricky part is returning your date before the zoo reopens.
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version You should have seen me a month ago!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joe Rickey Hundley, 60, Hayden, Idaho Arrested after slapping crying toddler Reported by The Smoking Gun After demanding that the mother of a crying toddler “shut that nigger baby up,” a male passenger allegedly slapped the 19-month-old across the face as a flight prepared to land in Atlanta last Friday evening, The shocking February 8 incident aboard Delta Air Lines Flight 721 resulted in Joe Rickey Hundley, 60, being charged with simple assault, according to a U.S. District Court affidavit. Hundley, seen above, is president of an aircraft parts manufacturer headquartered in Hayden, Idaho. As detailed by FBI Agent Daron Cheney, Hundley was traveling to Atlanta from Minneapolis in seat 28A on the MD-90 twin-engine jet. He was seated next to Jessica Bennett, who shared seat 28B with her son Jonah. Bennett, 33, told investigators that the “aircraft was in final descent” to Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport when her child “started to cry due to the altitude change.” Bennett added that she “was trying to get her son to stop crying, but he continued.” At this point, Bennett recalled, Hundley used the racial epithet as he told her to shut the child up. He then allegedly “turned around and slapped” the toddler in the face “with an open hand, which caused the victim to scream even louder.” The slap, Bennett said, “caused a scratch below the child’s right eye.” Bennet and son Jonah After Hundley hit the child, Agent Cheney reported, Bennett received assistance from several other passengers, including Todd Wooten, who was in seat 16C. Wooten told agents that he “heard derogatory language coming from the rear of the aircraft” and got up to investigate. “According to Mr. Wooten,” Cheney noted, “he saw Joe Rickey Hundley strike” the toddler." Hundley was charged this week with simple assault, according to a criminal complaint filed in federal court in Atlanta. If convicted of the misdemeanor count, he faces a maximum of one year in prison. According to Virginia state court records, Hundley was arrested in 2007 following a fight with his girlfriend. Initially charged with simple assault, carrying a concealed weapon, and public intoxication, Hundley subsequently pleaded guilty to the misdemeanor assault rap. ------------- It is quite common, that small kids and babies experience a severe ear ache during the decscent at the end of a flight. That is usually due to a plugged Eustachian tube between the ear and the back of the mouth. Cleaning the ears well before the flight and adding a few drops of Hydrogen Peroxide (3%) will normally eliminate that problem. I have also seen mothers tell their kids to puff up their cheeks and then repeatedly box the puffed cheeks with their little hands. Their crying almost instantly turns to giggling. Breastfeeding also seems to work, if the parent is the mother. It shuts up the kid and turns cringing frowns of other passengers into friendly smiles. DearWebby Tech Support Pits From: Ruth Re: Lower cost battery for laptop Dear Webby, First thanks so much for the humor letter, I enjoy it! Appreciate the tech advice you send as well. Have a question, our 'older' Dell laptop (inspiron, I think) needs a new battery, and with a quote of about $122 from Staples, figured there might be a better deal from someone online. Wanted to see what site you'd recommend. It is useable plugged in, of course, so that's a good thing. Thanks, Ruth Dear Ruth It seems Dell buys laptops from many different makers and each one,of course, uses a different battery. Get the name and model of the laptop from underneath it, and then check at http://batteries4less.com/dell/dell_toc.html Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Drawers For More Counter Space If you are running out of counter or cooking room in the kitchen, open up your lower cabinet top kitchen drawers. Lay a cookie sheet or cutting board across them. I like to do this when baking and need more room to put my cooking racks on for baked goods to cool. They are light weight and won't pull down on the drawers. By mom-from-missouri from MW MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning, " said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, madam, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity last week."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An insurance agent was trying to sell a farmer a life insurance policy. "Have you ever met with an accident?" the agent asked. "No," replied the farmer, "but a mule kicked me in the ribs once and a rattlesnake bit me on the leg." "Good grief. Don't you consider those to be accidents?", the agent asked. 'Naw," replied the farmer, "they done it on purpose."
» Recycled Beer Can Art


Today, Feb 17, in 
1817 The first gaslit streetlights appeared on the streets 
   of Baltimore, MD.
1865 Columbia, SC, burned. The Confederates were evacuating 
  and the Union Forces were moving in.
1876 Julius Wolff was credited with being the first to can 
  sardines.
1878 In San Francisco, CA, the first large city telephone 
  exchange opened. It had only 18 phones.
1933 Blondie Boopadoop married Dagwood Bumstead three years 
  after Chic Young’s popular strip first debuted.
1947 The Voice of America began broadcasting to the Soviet Union.
1992 In Milwaukee, serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was sentenced 
  to life in prison. In November of 1994, he was beaten to 
  death in prison.
2005 U.S. President George W. Bush named John Negroponte as the 
  first national intelligence director.
2013  smiled


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Card problem on AOL 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, February 16.

Thank you, Susan!


My Dell 13020c printer had run out of the Magenta toner
earlier this week. Well, it's chip said so. Printers don't
really check for toner levels, they simply count how many 
pages used a bit of that color, and when some magic number
has been counted down to zero, it claims the cartridge 
is empty. There is nothing you can do then except replace 
the cartridge, or at least the chip in it.

So I went online to AtlanticInkjet and ordered some 
cartridges, and remembered to use the WEBBY coupon word
for an extra discount. 

Today the cartridges arrived. I slapped the magenta cartridge 
into the printer, it's fan started with a happy sigh, and it
started spitting out the pages, that have been queued up in 
the meantime. No fuss, no problem.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive. --- John Sladek Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof. --- Ashley Montague A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand. --- Bertrand Russell All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. --- Arthur Schopenhauer
Thanks to Linda for this story: My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small. He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio level. He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning. Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house. Observing all this, our 'nosey' next-door neighbor asked, "Hey! Ray, are you going to put that patio away 'EVERY' night?"
An old trapper up north was having a bad infection in his mouth so went to a dentist .He told the dentist that he just wanted the tooth pulled. When the dentist checked him, he told the old fellow that he had two abscessed teeth and he needed antibiotics and he'd have to give him some novocaine to ease the pain. The old man told him to just pull them out and not bother with the novocaine, as pain didn't bother him. After a short discussion he told the dentist that he'd only felt pain twice in his life. So the dentist gets his pliers out and pulls one tooth. He asks if he wants something for the pain and is told to just go ahead and pull the other. While the Dentist is finishing up he tells the old man: "You are a tough old codger aren't you? You said you had felt pain twice in your life ! When was that?" The man tells him: "Well,years ago I was out checking my traps and I had to take a crap so I backed up to a tree and needless to say I was right over a bear trap.That trap closed on my testicles and believe me I felt pain then!!" "My goodness!", says the dentist, "I'm not surprised, but when was the other time you felt pain?" "When I hit the end of that chain, that the trap was tied to!"
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Floral Peacock
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Johnetta Cheryel Mack, 21, Makato, MN Jailed After Assaulting Police With Used Tampon Reported by The Weekly Vice Johnetta Cheryel Mack, a 21-year-old Minnesota woman, earned additional charges Sunday when she allegedly threw a used tampon at officers after she was ordered to submit to a strip search. According to police, officers were dispatched to the Oleander Saloon at around 1:30 a.m. after Mack became intoxicated and disruptive inside the bar. When officers arrived, Mack had already been handcuffed by a private security guard. The guard told officers that he took Mack into custody after she attacked another woman at the bar and refused to leave the establishment. While in custody, Mack resisted and kicked the security officer in the shin. Mack was taken into custody by police and transferred to the Blue Earth County Jail where she was asked to submit to a strip search. That's when Mack extracted a used tampon from her vagina and hurled it at officers. When Mack saw that she had missed the officer she intended to hit, she kicked the tampon in another officer's direction. Officers classified the act as felony assault, since she flung bodily fluids towards the officers in the process. Mack was ultimately charged with fourth-degree assault for kicking the security guard and two counts of fifth-degree assault for the flaming tampon incident. In 2010, Mack was charged with assaulting a Makato police officer. She later pleaded guilty to obstructing the legal process. Tech Support Pits From: Mary Re: Postcard problem at AOL Hi, just wanted to let you know that everytime I send a ecard from your site they never get sent. I request a copy to be sent to me too and I never receive the copy. So whats up with that? I know for a fact cause I have sent an ecard from my one email to another and that email does not get the ecard. Other than that I love this site and the selection of cards. Thanks much, Mary Dear Mary This was forwarded to me. On busy card sending days like Valentines Day, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, etc., AOL drops more outside mail than usually, and you have to expect that. Mail between AOLers does not seem to be affected. For important mail it is a good idea to get a reliale address on the side, for example Gmail. You can still continue to use your AOL address for communicating with AOLers. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Comet for Cleaning Burnt Pots and Pans To clean the worst burnt pots and pans in just a few minutes, put about 1/2 to 1 inch of water in the pan then shake a generous amount of Comet (brand name) and boil. Takes only a few minutes before you see the black food boiling up. Keep adding water and Comet if needed. Works so well I LOOK for these burnt pots and pans at yard sales. By Dahl K. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

Thanks to Dave for this story: An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old general sends for his trusty Indian scout. "You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." The trusty Indian scout lies down and puts his ear to the ground. "Heap large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint. Many many guns. Medicine man also with them." "Good grief!" exclaims the general. "You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?" "Nah," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly ... Twenty-two miles an hour!" the woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask ... is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off that gravel road back there, Route 119."
» Olives


Today, Feb 16, in 
1741 - Benjamin Franklin published America’s second magazine, 
   "The General Magazine and Historical Chronicle".
1804 - A raid was led by Lt. Stephen Decatur to burn the 
  U.S. Navy frigate Philadelphia. The ship had been taken 
  by pirates.
1857 - The National Deaf Mute College was incorporated in 
  Washington, DC. It was the first school in the world for 
  advanced education of the deaf. The school was later 
  renamed Gallaudet College.
1868 - The Jolly Corks organization, in New York City, 
  changed it name to the Benevolent and Protective Order of 
  Elks (BPOE).
1918 - Lithuania proclaimed its independence.
1923 - Howard Carter unsealed the burial chamber of Egyptian 
  Pharaoh Tutankhamen. The next day he entered the chamber 
  with several invited guests. He had originally found the 
  tomb on November 4, 1922.
1937 - Wallace H. Carothers received a patent for nylon. 
  Carothers was a research chemist for Du Pont.
1946 - The first commercially designed helicopter was tested 
  in Connecticut.
1959 - Fidel Castro seized power in Cuba after the overthrow of 
  President Fulgencio Batista.
1960 - The U.S.S. Triton began the first circumnavigation of 
  the globe under water. The trip ended on May 10.
1968 - In the U.S., the first 911 emergency telephone system 
  was inaugurated in Haleyville, AL.
1999 - Kurds seized embassies and held hostages across Europe 
  following Turkey's arrest of Kurdish rebel leader 
  Abdullah Ocalan.
2002 - The operator of a crematory in Noble, GA, was arrested 
  after dozens of corpses were found stacked in storage 
  sheds and scattered around in the surrounding woods.
2005 - The Kyoto global warming pact went into effect in 140 nations.
  Canada, a country that produces more oxygen than CO2, abstained.
2013  smiled


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Slave jumper 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, February 15.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime. --- G. Gordon Liddy, a politician If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. --- Johnny Carson
The sheriff of a small town was also the town's animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."
A traveling salesman went into a restaurant for breakfast one morning. When the waitress took his order he said he wanted his eggs hard and burned around the edges, his bacon was to be burnt crisp and he wanted his toast blackened and hard. The waitress was surprised but soon returned with his order as he requested. She then asked if was there anything else she could do for him. He says, "Yes, sit down across from me, frazzle your hair and start complaining. I'm home sick."
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Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Floral Peacock
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Willie Merriweather, 53, Aiken, South Carolina Jailed for Masturbating During Employment Interview Reported by The Weekly Vice Willie Merriweather, a 53-year-old South Carolina male, was jailed Monday after he allegedly masturbated during an interview at a local staffing agency. According to the Aiken Department of Public Safety, Merriweather reportedly entered the staffing agency and was seated for an interview when the incident took place. The interviewer told detectives that she was gathering personal information about the applicant, such as his name and date of birth, when she looked down and noticed that his penis was fully exposed and in his hand. When the woman confronted Merriweather about his exposed penis and ordered him out of the building, Merriweather tried to argue that "it fell out." Police who were called to the scene located Merriweather a short time later and brought him down to police headquarters for an interview. "The suspect did state that while he was talking to the victim, his penis fell out of his pants," according to a police affidavit. "The suspect claims that he must have forgotten to zip his pants." A second employee from the staffing agency told detectives that they were familiar with Merriweather and that he always seeks out a female employee to interview with. Detectives learned during the interview that Merriweather had a warrant issued for his arrest in connection to a similar incident that occurred on January 31. During the previous incident, Merriweather was at another employment agency attempting to get an interview when the employee turned around and allegedly saw Merriweather masturbating with his genitals "completely exposed." Merriweather reportedly fled from the building when he was approached by a supervisor. Merriweather was booked into the Aiken County Detention Center and charged with two counts of indecent exposure. Tech Support Pits From: Dave Re: USB drive jumpers Dear Webby Congratulations and thanks for a most useful newsletter. I recently purchased a HD enclosure kit and am having problems making it work, Should the hard drive jumpers be set to slave? By the way I phoned the companies tech help line. They weren't. Dave Dear Dave Sorry that your email almost slipped by me! Yes, the jumper on the portable USB drive needs to be set to the "SLAVE" position. That way it will accept any stationary C: drive as it's master, and it will act as a secondary drive to both your desktop and laptop. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Arm Covers From Cutoff Skinny Jeans Not to long ago my grand daughter went through a growth spurt and she asked me to turn her skinny jeans into shorts. After cutting above the knees and hemming, I was left with some good material. After thinking about it, I pulled them up my arms as sleeves. Since the jeans are stretchy, I didn't have to do anything to them. They can be used when trimming shrubs, trees, working in the garden, etc. We live in Florida and I'll wear them in the house when it gets cool, but not cold enough to turn the heat on. By ShadowZ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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When I first started college, the professor came in and said "Good Morning" to all of us. When we echoed back to him, he said "Ah, you're Freshmen." He explained. "When you walk in and say good morning, and they say good morning back, it's Freshmen. When they put their newspapers down and open their books, it's Sophomores. When they look up so they can see the instructor over the tops of the newspapers, it's juniors. When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, it's seniors. "And when you walk in and say good morning, and they write it down, it's graduate students."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. 3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stop bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. 11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 12 Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 14. Glibido: All talk and no action. 15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 18. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you are eating.
» Otto Otter


Today, Feb 15, in 
1758 Mustard was advertised for the first time in America.
1764 The city of St. Louis was established.
1799 Printed ballots were authorized for use in elections 
   in the state of Pennsylvania.
1842 Adhesive postage stamps were used for the first time 
  by the City Dispatch Post (Office) in New York City.
1898 The USS Maine sank when it exploded in Havana Harbor for 
  unknown reasons. More than 260 crew members were killed.
1903 Morris and Rose Michtom, Russian immigrants, introduced 
  the first teddy bear in America.
1942 During World War II, Singapore surrendered to the Japanese.
1961 A Boeing 707 crashed in Belgium killing 73 people.
1965 Canada displayed its new red and white maple leaf flag. 
1982 During a storm, the Ocean Ranger, a drilling rig, sank 
  off the coast of Newfoundland. 84 men were killed.
1985 The Center for Disease Control reported that more than 
  half of all nine-year-olds in the U.S. showed no sign of 
  tooth decay.
1989 After nine years of intervention, the Soviet Union 
  announced that the remainder of its troops had left 
  Afghanistan.
1991 The leaders of Czechoslovakia, Hungary and Poland signed 
  the Visegard agreement, in which they pledged to cooperate 
  in transforming their countries to free-market economies.
1995 The FBI arrested Kevin Mitnick and charged him with 
  cracking security in some of the nation's most protected 
  computers. He served five years in jail.
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush approved Nevada's Yucca 
  Mountain as a site for long-term disposal of radioactive 
  nuclear waste.
2013  smiled


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Is it spam? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, February 14
Guilt Day!

If you are not sending a Valentines greeting to your
significant other and your friends, then SOMEBODY is
going to make you feel guilty.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When men are scared of a woman, they always accuse her of being mannish. --- Elizabeth Aston The charity that hastens to proclaim its good deeds, ceases to be charity, and is only pride and ostentation. --- William Hutton
Thanks to Dianne for this story: A Maine Love Story... George and Aggie lived on the cove just past Lewiston Tickle out on the peninsula. It was early winter and the lower portion of the cove had frozen over. George asked Aggie if she would walk across the frozen part of the cove to the general store and get him some smokes and beer. She asked him for some money, but he told her, "Nah, just put it on our tab, old man Stacey won't mind." So Aggie walked across the ice, got the smokes and beer at the store and then walked back home across the cove. When she got home and gave George his smokes and his beer, she asked him, "George, you always tell me not to run up the tab at Stacey's store. Why didn't you just give me some money?" George replied, "Well, Aggie, girl, I didn't want to send you out there with cash when I wasn't sure how thick the ice was yet!" Kind of brings a tear to yer eye, don't it?
Thanks too Rubye for this story: My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair. He told her, "You appear quite elderly to be driving." "Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's license anymore. "The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying, 'You won't need this anymore,' so I thanked him and left!"
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Casey Leigh Cranfield, 28, Punta Gorda, Florida Charged Again After Deputies Find Bottle Of Xanax Hidden Inside Her Vagina Reported by The Weekly Vice Casey Leigh Cranfield, a 28-year-old Punta Gorda woman was charged again on Tuesday after she smuggled Xanax pills into jail by hiding them inside her vagina. According to the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office, Cranfield was arrested on Monday and then booked into the Charlotte County Jail on Tuesday after she was allegedly found to be in violation of her probation. The next day, deputies discovered that she had somehow ingested Xanax pills while she was incarcerated at the jail. She was immediately ordered to undergo a strip search at the jail. During the search, deputies found a 2.5" Tylenol bottle hidden inside her vagina that contained 8 Xanax pills and two other pills that were sent off to a lab for identification. After the discovery, Cranfield became uncooperative and demanded to speak to her lawyer. Cranfield was booked into the Charlotte County Jail and charged with introduction of contraband into a detention facility, possession of Xanax without a prescription, and possession of drug paraphernalia. She is currently being held without bond. According to court records, Cranfield has been booked into jail three times on seven drug related charges. She was arrested with four other suspects back in April when Charlotte County Narcotics detectives raided a Punta Gorda apartment during a planned drug sting operation. Tech Support Pits From: Sue Re: Is it spam? Dear Webby I have rcvd e-mail from a credit card company----may or may not be valid----would like to forward to you for your opinion....i would prefer to forward WITH PERMISSION. Am not concerned so much with critters imbedded or or or....am more concerned 1)that it is bogus and 2)someone ELSE might fall into the trap----you have a tremendous following and could potentially help a buncha dolts and not just me........and no-----I am not just pandering to your ego----you are highly rated for a good reason..... Thanks in advance Sue Dear Sue When in doubt, trash it. There is always more spam and scam coming. If you forward it to me, most likely my MailWasher will recognize it as a scam and trash it anyway, unseen. With anything credit card related: If it tells you to stop by your local bank, then it's legit. If it asks for ANY input whatsoever, it's a scam. Feel free to enter the name and info of your favorite politician, but never enter anything related to you, especially not bank account or PIN numbers. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Bulk Food Items Shopping at the warehouse stores gives you gallon size containers which are cumbersome. The small size sport squirt top water/drink bottles are great for holding a manageable supply of oil, soy sauce or vinegar. By Marsha Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

From Sara Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where they gave him a series of tests to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With an alarmed look, the nurse quickly said, "Ma'am, he's not THAT sick!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large pole and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. Dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?" The boy answered "Yes father". Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get murdered, because he had told the truth." The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree."
» Otto Otter


Today, Feb 14, in 
1803 - Moses Coats received a patent on the apple parer.
1849 - The first photograph of a U.S. President, while in 
  office, was taken by Matthew Brady in New York City. 
  President James Polk was the subject of the picture.
1876 - Alexander Graham Bell filed an application for a 
  patent for the telephone. It was officially issued on 
  March 7, 1876.
1889 - In Los Angeles, CA, oranges began their first trip 
  to the east.
1899 - The U.S. Congress approved voting machines for use in 
  federal elections.
1900 - Russia imposed tighter imperial control over Finland 
  in response to an international petition for Finland's freedom.
1912 - The first diesel engine submarine was commissioned in Groton, CT.
1912 - Arizona was admitted as the 48th U.S. state.
1918 - The motion picture "Tarzan of the Apes" was released.
1929 - The "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" took place in Chicago, IL. 
  Seven gangsters who were rivals of Al Capone were killed.
1946 - ENIAC (Electronic Numerical Integrator and Computer) 
  was unveiled. The device, built at the University of 
  Pennsylvania, was the world's first general purpose electronic 
  computer.
1961 - Lawrencium, element 103, was first produced in Berkely, CA.
1962 - U.S. First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy gave a tour of the 
   White House on television.
1979 - Adolph Dubs, the U.S. ambassador to Afghanistan, was 
  kidnapped in Kabul by Muslim extremists. He was killed in a 
  shootout between his abductors and police.
1983 - A 6-year-old boy became the first person to receive a 
  heart and liver transplants in the same operation.
1989 - Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini called on Muslims to kill 
  Salman Rushdie because of his novel "The Satanic Verses."
1989 - The first satellite of the Global Positioning System was 
  placed into orbit around Earth.
1989 - Union Carbide agreed to pay $470 million to the government 
  of India. The court-ordered settlement was a result of the 
  1984 Bhopal gas leak disaster.
2003 - In Madrid, Spain, a ceramic plate with a bullfighting 
  motif painted by Pablo Picasso in 1949 was stolen from an 
  art show. The plate was on sale for $12,400.
2013  smiled


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What kind of laptop to select? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, February 13

"Apache OpenOffice 3.4.1 has averaged 138,928 downloads 
PER DAY. That is an average value to the public of 
$21 million per day, as calculated by savings over buying 
the competing product. Or $7.61 billion 
(7.61 thousand million) per year, that the public has saved,
and the amount less that Microsoft made in 2012."

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Work is the curse of the drinking classes. --- Oscar Wilde Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all. --- Toni Morrison If you can't be funny, be interesting. --- Harold Ross Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status. --- Laurence J. Peter An expert is a person who avoids small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy. --- Benjamin Stolberg
At one point during a soccer game, the coach called one of his 7- year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a foul is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a fishbrain dumbass' is it?'' Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."
One night my friend Rick drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, and absolutely nothing happened, except that she did not have an accident or lose her drivers license, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily. Later that evening Rick and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her eat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Christina Milligan, 30, Sacramento, California Jailed After Reporting Son Missing, Child Later Found Playing Inside her Trashed Apartment Reported by The Weekly Vice Christina Milligan, a 30-year-old Sacramento female was jailed after she allegedly called 911 to report that her 9-year-old son was missing. Deputies later found the autistic boy lost among the trash and filth inside Milligan's apartment. According to the Sacramento County Sheriff's Office, deputies were called to Milligan's apartment after she reported that her son was missing. When deputies arrived at the scene, they found Milligan's apartment filled with trash, spoiled food and dirty diapers covering the floor. Cockroaches were found crawling the walls and a strong odor of urine throughout the residence. Before beginning a search of the surrounding area, deputies performed a search of Milligan's apartment. That's when they discovered the missing boy in a room at the apartment, playing with a Nook tablet. Investigators say the boy was wearing dirty clothing and had been constrained to the room because there was no place else he could go inside the residence. The boy and his 2-year-old sibling were placed into the care of Child Protective Services. Milligan was booked into jail and charged with child endangerment. She was released after posting bail. Tech Support Pits From: Carol T Re: What kind of laptop? Ho Webby, is it available to search the site for previous tech tips? My husband is encouraging me to get a new laptop now that this one is acting up a bit. He wants me to get one this a video camera built-in. I thought at one point you had given a list of specs for a computer you thought would be a good utilitarian machine. My use is generally email and word processing, a few photos, no games, some music, and some videos. He wants me to get one with a fairly large-- Carol T Dear Carol Old issues are in the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog. However, even though tips and tricks remain valuable, machine specs change. Re camera, all laptops in the last half dozen years have had a small camera built in. For desktops, get a camera for $10 to $50. You can even get a "Little Blue Man" from Skype. It is a little plastic figure that has a camera and microphone built in. You simply plug it into a USB port and set it on top of your monitor. Instant video conferencing. Quality of your video depends on your Internet connection, not on your camera. The video degrades to cope with the connection. Unless you have a 15 Mbps or faster, don't waste money on a better camera. The screen size is not always tied to pice. Yuppies go for small laptops and notebooks, so that they can take them to Starbucks to go onto Facebook and Twitter. That means the big laptops stay at the stroe and gather dust. Check at Staples and see what they got. I got my Acer 19" laptop there about 4 years ago for around $300, when I needed one in a hurry. My old DELL laptop died two days before a Cactus Safari and I did not have time to order a replacement. People don't like lugging big monsters through miles and miles of airport corridors, but I figured I was tough enough. and I have been using the monster ever since. For RAM, demand 4 GB or more. Windoze needs that. As far as the hard drive is concerned, big size is nice, but considering how cheap external USB hard drives are, don't pay extra for a bigger size hard drive. The same goes for the processor. The processor numbers might be important for kids bragging on the school bus, but are as irrelevant as bragging about the horsepower of your Corvette, while you are stuck behind a school bus in a 30 MPH zone. More RAM will help, but a bigger or faster CPU won't make a noticeable difference with the stuff YOU do. So to sum it up: 4 GB of RAM and as big a screen as you can find. Even if you plug the old monitor into it to get decent size and resolution on the two screens side by side,, it is ridiculous if your hubby has to use a magnifying glass to see what is on the little screen. YOUR eyes might still be good for tiny stuff, but older men's eyes don't do so well with that. If the laptop stays at home most of the time, get a cheap monster. Also order a keyboard for it at the same time. I never use the cramped laptop keyboards, and usually wear out half a dozen external keyboards before the laptop dies. Keyboards are cheap, when you can order them online, and well worth it. Forget the silly thumb pad on the laptop. If you are going to continue using the old machine occasionally, you need a decent mouse. I use 8 button mice, left, right, copy, paste, left scroll, right scroll, vertical scroll and Enter. Unless you work with spreadsheets, you can probably do without the left and right scrolling, but all of the other buttons are really easy to get used to and miss, if they are not available. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Bulk Food Items Shopping at the warehouse stores gives you gallon size containers which are cumbersome. The small size sport squirt top water/drink bottles are great for holding a manageable supply of oil, soy sauce or vinegar. By Marsha Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug and a squeeze. He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!" The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do you want me to bring her in for her treatment every day?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this Q&A: Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount. Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire? Answer: Tied shoes Question: Why do retirees count pennies? Answers: They are the only ones who have the time. Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? Answer: NUTS! Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? Answer: Normal. Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? Answers: The never ending Coffee Break. Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
» Natural Stones


Today, Feb 13, in 
1542 Catherine Howard was executed for adultery. 
  She was the fifth wife of England's King Henry VIII.
1633 Galileo Galilei arrived in Rome for trial before 
  the Inquisition.
1875 Mrs. Edna Kanouse gave birth to America’s first 
  quintuplets. All five of the baby boys died within 
  two weeks.
1920 The League of Nations recognized the continued 
  neutrality of Switzerland.
1937 The comic strip "Prince Valiant" appeared
1945 During World War II, the Soviets captured Budapest, 
  Hungary, from the German army.
1945 During World War II, Allied aircraft began bombing 
  the German city of Dresden for three days steady. Dresden
  was an undefended Red Cross town, through which all the 
  refuges from the Russian front were channeled and distributed
  to all over Europe from there. A few Million of them died
  in that bombing. It was an experiment in psychological warfare.
1955 Israel acquired 4 of the 7 Dead Sea scrolls.
1960 France detonated its first atomic bomb.
1971 South Vietnamese troops invaded Laos. They were backed 
  by U.S. air and artillery support.
1984 Konstantin Chernenko was chosen to be general secretary 
  of the Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee, 
  succeeding the late Yuri Andropov.
1990 In Ottawa, the United States and its European allies 
  forged an agreement with the Soviet Union and East Germany 
  on a two-stage formula to reunite Germany.
1991 Hundreds of Iraqis were killed by two laser-guided bombs 
  that destroyed an underground facility in Baghdad. 
  U.S. officials identified the facility as a military installation, 
  but Iraqi officials said it was a bomb shelter.
1997 Astronauts on the space shuttle Discovery brought the Hubble 
  Space Telescope aboard for a tune up. The tune up allowed the 
  telescope to see further into the universe.
1999 A bomb exploded just outside a government-owned bank in 
  southern Kosovo. Nine people were killed.
2000 Charles M. Schulz's last original Sunday "Peanuts" comic 
  strip appeared in newspapers. Schulz had died the day before.
2008 Roger Clemens denied having taken performance-enhancing 
  drugs in testimony before Congress.
2008 Hollywood writers ended a 100-day strike.
2013  smiled


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Ordering a custom configuration computer from DELL 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, February 12

Thank you, Millie!

Moe alerted me to this news item:

CNN anchor questions whether global warming to blame for 
asteroid

The asteroid, a silly little meteorite, has been spinning
around for eons, and now and then it crosses paths with 
earth. Most likely it has been doing that since long before
earth stopped glowing in the dark. Quite obviously, it really
does not give a hoot about the climate on earth, but it sure
is funny when a typical Gullible Warming fanatic tries to
pin the orbit of that dumb rock on your refusal to pay 
carbon tax to Al Gore and his buddies.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all - he's walking on them. --- Leonard Louis Levinson An angler is a man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers, doing nothing, because his wife won't let him do it at home. --- Socratex
The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help. "My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop. "The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?" "I recognized her laugh!"
A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number. "Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "You folks need all the practice you can get."
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tawny Hickman, 18, Fort Pierce, Florida Tawny Hickman Had A Bad Case Of The Kiddie Nibbles Reported by The Weekly Vice Tawny Hickman, an 18-year-old Fort Pierce female was jailed after she allegedly left hickey marks on a 9-year-old boy while he was over to her house to spend the night. According to the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office, the child's mother called police after her son returned to her home Sunday morning with hickey marks on his neck after spending the night at Hickman's residence. Investigators say the boy's mother allowed Hickman to babysit her son for the night, despite rumors in the neighborhood that "stuff was going on" between the pair. The woman told deputies that she didn't believe the rumors because she was familiar with Hickman and assumed her son was in good hands. That assumption proved to be misguided, however, when the boy returned the next day with hickey marks on his neck. When officers questioned Hickman, she stated that the boy woke up during the night and came into her bedroom. That's when the boy and Hickman allegedly began biting each other. Hickman showed deputies two marks on her stomach that were similar to the marks that were found on the boy's neck. Hickman was booked into jail and charged with child abuse and battery. Tech Support Pits From: Me Re: Ordering custom configuraton machines from DELL Today I had to order a custom machine for somebody, in a configuration, that was not in the DELL online catalog. At first I tried their chat. Sometimes that works out well, but not today. I got stuck with Bhanu Teja, a total waste of time. So I tried their phone. Major confusion. I think I briefly talked to half the Taliban in Pakistan. Some of them talked almost understandable English, and eventually passed me on to Elizabeth Cheah. It was well worth the 20 minutes of silly confusion, to finally get to talk to her. Elizabeth realized my hearing impairment and slowed down her usually very fast talk, so that I could understand her, picked up the saved configuration from my profile, and understood what needed to be added. She put together a custom order, that had all that was required. Thanks to Elizabeth, that machine is now being built and will soon be on it's way. If you get stuck with hard to understand or uncooperative agents, ask to speak to her. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Warm Lotion in Winter Like a lot of people, I use a small electric heater in the bathroom during the winter. And for convenience, I keep my body lotion on the side of the tub. I have found that when I get out of the shower, the lotion is warmed, goes on so smoothly, and feels so good! Just thought I would share this for all of you who live in a colder area. By hugmehugs from IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically, that he had overlooked the first notice. "Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided: 1. A nose ring and bifocals 2. Spiked hair and bald spots 3. A pierced tongue and dentures 4. Miniskirts and support hose 5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads 6. Speedo's and cellulite 7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar 8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor 9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge 10. Bikinis and liver spots 11. Short shorts and varicose veins 12. Inline skates and a walker And last, but not least 13.Thongs and Depends
» Fat Tuesday (Mardi Gras)


Today, Feb 12, in 
1541 - The city of Santiago, Chile was founded.
1554 - Lady Jane Grey was beheaded after being charged with 
   treason. She had claimed the throne of England for only 
   nine days.
1733 - Savannah, GA, founded by English colonist Oglethorpe.
1870 - In the Utah Territory, women gained the right to vote.
1879 - The first artificial ice rink opened in North America. 
   It was at Madison Square Garden in New York City, NY.
1907 - A collision of the steamer Larchmont and a schooner 
  resulted in the death of more than 300 people. The incident 
  occurred off New England's Block Island.
1912 - China's boy emperor Hsuan T'ung announced that he was 
   abdicating, ending the Manchu Ch'ing dynasty. Subsequently, 
   the Republic of China was established.
1918 - All theatres in New York City were shut down in an 
   effort to conserve coal.
1924 - U.S. President Calvin Coolidge made the first 
   presidential political speech on radio.
1971 - James Cash (J.C.) Penney died at the age of 95. 
1973 - The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first in 
   the U.S. to post metric distance signs.
1973 - American prisoners of war were released for the first 
   time during the Vietnam conflict.
1998 - A U.S. federal judge declared that the presidential 
   line-item veto was unconstitutional.
1999 - U.S. President Clinton was acquitted by the U.S. Senate 
   on two impeachment articles. The charges were perjury and 
   obstruction of justice.
2001 - The space probe NEAR landed on the asteroid Eros. 
   It was the first time that any craft had landed on a 
   small space rock.
2002 - Princess Stephanie of Monaco and Franco Knie won a 
   defamation-of-character lawsuit against the Swiss magazine 
   "Facts." The case involved a photomontage by the magazine.
2004 - Mattel announced that "Barbie" and "Ken" were breaking 
   up. The dolls had met on the set of their first television 
   commercial together in 1961. 
2013  smiled


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How to dump print queue 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, February 11




Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.' --- Sam Levenson There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say. --- Cyril Connolly
The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny. Two months later, when Mom found her- self responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it. The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time--we'll miss him." "Yes," Mom replied, "But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes." Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him." But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage." With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!"
Cassie walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register she saw a display of caps with WWJD printed on all of them. She she asked the clerk what the letters were supposed to mean, and the clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would Jesus Do", and was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation. Cassie thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I don't think Jesus would pay $14.95 for one of these caps."
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Robert Tate Jr, 30, Port St. Lucie, Florida Jailed After Attempting To Drive SUV Through Parent's Front Door Reported by The Weekly Vice Robert Tate Jr., a 30-year-old Florida man was jailed Saturday after he allegedly rammed his parent's home with an SUV. According to the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to a residence in Port St. Lucie after an unknown assailant used an SUV to ram the front doors of a resident's home. Investigators say the impact of the crash destroyed the home's front doors, and sent glass shattering throughout the house. The motorist involved revved the car's engine in an apparent attempt to break through the wall and continue driving through the house, however, that effort tailed. The motorist then fled the scene, leaving the vehicle's front bumper behind. The vehicle, which was later found abandoned at a local bar, was registered to victims' son, Robert Tate Jr. During a police interview, 30 year old Tate admitted to ramming his car into his parents home, stating that he was abused as a kid. He was booked into the St. Lucie County Jail and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Tech Support Pits From: Rob Re: Flush print queue Dear Webby, How do I flush the print queue if something gets stuck in it? Rob Dear Rob When you encounter a jammed print job, your first instinct may be to reboot the system, which will flush the jammed print job from the queue. But there's an easier way. 1. Open Control Panel, and double-click Administrative Tools. 2. Double-click Services. 3. Scroll through the list of running services, and select the Print Spooler service. 4. Click the Stop Service button on the toolbar. 5. After waiting a moment, click the Start button on the toolbar. 6. Close Services, and close Administrative Tools. When you return to the print queue, the jammed print job should no longer be there. If it is, you should now be able to delete it normally. Keep in mind that you may have to manually update the queue by selecting Refresh from the View menu. In Windows7 it is quite similar, except that instead of atool bar, it has a side-menu that lists those commands. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Scented Milk Bath Ingredients: 2 cups dry powdered milk (regular or dried goat milk powder) 1/2 cup Epsom salts 1/2 cup sea salt 1/2 cup baking soda 6 drops lavender essential oil 4 drops rose or rose geranium essential oil Directions: Mix all the ingredients but the oils together into a glass bowl. Drop the oils in and work it together with a large wooden spoon or rubber spatula. Pour into a container. Leave the lid off for a day or so, then stir and cover. Give with instructions. To Use: Add 1/2 cup or into a warm bath while it fills. By JodiT from Aurora, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

>Thanks to Trish in Oz for this classic: A punter was at the horse races playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt. He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race. Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses. The punter made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on that horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race. He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next. He bet big on it, and it won. As the races continued the Priest kept blessing long shots, and each one ended up winning. The punter was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the Priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. The punter knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag. He watched dumbfounded as the old nag came in last. In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was. Confronting Him, he demanded, 'Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings!'. The Priest nodded with sympathy. Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A husband went to buy a birthday gift for his wife. Some friends had been invited over that night to celebrate her fortieth, and he wanted to get something special. At the store he spotted some cute little music boxes. One blue one was playing "Happy Birthday." Thinking they were all the same, he chose a red one and had it gift-wrapped. Later, at dinner, he gave it to his wife and asked her to open it. When she lifted the lid, out came the tune to "The Old Gray Mare, She Ain't What She Used to Be!"
» National Cowboy Museum


Today, Feb 10, in 
1752 The Pennsylvania Hospital opened as the very first 
  hospital in America.

1808 Judge Jesse Fell experimented by burning anthracite 
  coal to keep his house warm. He successfully showed how 
  clean the coal burned and how cheaply it could be used 
  as a heating fuel.
1812 The term "gerrymandering" had its beginning when the 
  governor of Massachusetts, Elbridge Gerry, signed a 
  redistricting law that favored his party.
1858 A French girl, Bernadette Soubirous, claimed to have 
  seen a vision of the Virgin Mary near Lourdes.
1929 The Lateran Treaty was signed. Italy now recognized the 
  independence and sovereignty of Vatican City.
1936 Pumping began the process to build San Francisco's 
  Treasure Island.
1937 General Motors agreed to recognize the United Automobile 
  Workers Union, which ended their sit-down strike.
1945 During World War II, the Yalta Agreement was signed by 
  U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister 
  Winston Churchill and Soviet leader Josef Stalin.
1979 Nine days after the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini returned 
  to Iran (after 15 years in exile) power was seized by 
  his followers.
1982 France nationalized five groups of major industries and 
  39 banks.
1990 Nelson Mandela was freed after 27 years in captivity.
2000 The space shuttle Endeavor took off. The mission was to 
   gather data for the most detailed map of the earth ever.
2000 Great Britain suspended self-rule in Northern Ireland 
  after the Irish Republican Army (IRA) failed to begin 
  decommissioning (disarming) by a February deadline.
2002 The six stars on NBC's "Friends" signed a deal for 
   $24 million each for the ninth and final season of series.
2006 In Texas, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally 
  shot and wounded a companion during a quail hunt. 
2013  smiled


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Trick to avoid movie pausing 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, February 10

A good friend lent me her little notebook, so I am
limping along and trying to cope. But at least I am
able to send out the newsletters again!

How one man foreclosed on the bank
http://www.dump.com/manforecloses/

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. --- Laurence J. Peter If time flies when you're having fun, it hits the afterburners when you don't think you're having enough. --- Jef Mallett
Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in South America. They follow his every move for months, and find out that every day at noon he goes outside and does his stretching exercises. So the assassins set up shop right across the street, get all of their sights set, load the guns, and have everything ready to go. Noon comes, no dictator......10 minutes longer........no dictator. One assassin turns to the other and says, "Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."
Thanks to Ann for this: I was wandering around the 'net recently, and GOSH! I found a whole bunch of PHILATELISTS. And then I discovered groups populated by THESPIANS and HOMO SAPIENS. And I found hundreds -- not dozens, but HUNDREDS -- of educational institutions funded by MY TAX DOLLARS... teaching people to MATRICULATE!
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Deborrah Curran, 36, Queensbury, New York Jailed for vaginal identity theft Reported by The Weekly Vice Deborah Curran, a 36-year-old New York female, was jailed Monday after she allegedly hid a container of urine, that belonged to someone else, inside her vagina, in an attempt to provide a false drug sample. According to the Warren County Sheriff's Office, Curran was ordered to submit to routine drug screens in 2011 after she was found guilty of stealing purses at local shopping centers and then using the victims' credit card and bank information to make forged purchases. Curran reportedly used the proceeds of her thefts to fuel her heroin addiction. Investigators say Curran was attempting to submit a false drug sample by hiding a container of someone else's urine inside her vagina. The effort failed after a probation officer became suspicious and discovered the container. During questioning, Curran allegedly admitted to the allegation. Curran, who is also known as Deborah Dalaba, was booked into the Warren County Jail and charged with evidence tampering. A charge of probation violation may also be pending. Tech Support Pits From: Jack Re: Make MediaPlayer stream videos Dear Webby, This should help with getting mediaPlayer to stream without stopping: Turn on streaming To turn on media streaming on your home network in Windows Media Player, do the following: Click the Start button , click All Programs, and then click Windows Media Player. If the Player is currently open and you're in Now Playing mode, click the Switch to Library button in the upper-right corner of the Player. Click Stream, and then click Turn on home media streaming. Turn on home media streaming won't be available on the Stream menu if streaming is already turned on. On the Media streaming options page, click Turn on media streaming. If you're prompted for an administrator password or confirmation, type the password or provide confirmation. Click OK. For more information about how to use media streaming, see Stream your media to devices and computers using Windows Media Player. Jack Thanks Jack! Provided somebody's Internet connection is fast enough, and provided that the site, that delivers the viseo is able to stream it fast enough, that should work. In those cases, where it won't, you can still revert to the old trick of pausing and waiting until the gray load bar has completed. There are also browser add-ons, that let you download videos so that you can play them off your computer, instead of over a shaky connection. For FireFox you can get one at http://add0n.com/youtube.html Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cutting Your Own Hair At Home I have been cutting my own hair for quite some time. First you need to invest in a good pair of scissors. I bought mine from a beauty shop supplier. I lean over and gather all my hair into a pony tail on top of my head and fasten it with an elastic band. I then stand up and trim the ends. Next I lean over again and put it in a pony tail at the back of my head. I then trim off the ends. I look at it the mirror and make sure the ends are even on both sides of my head. I then layer it using a comb to bring the hair up to the top of my head and trim the ends to different lengths. After this, I will trim the ends whenever I need to to keep it at the same length. By Laurie from Ontario, Canada Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

Writing Tips: Don't abbrev. About sentence fragments. Don't use no double negatives. Check to see if you any words out. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. Its important to use apostrophe's right. Don't use commas, that aren't necessary. A writer mustn't shift your point of view. It's better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive. Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct. A preposition isn't a good thing to end a sentence with. Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase. In letters compositions reports and things like that we use commas to keep a string of items apart. Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized. also a sentence should begin with a capital and end with a period Avoid clichés like the plague.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Latreesha reported for her university final exam which consisted of "true/false" type questions. She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper for five minutes. In a fit of inspiration, she took her purse out, removed a coin and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she was all done, whereas the rest of the class was still working furiously. During the last few minutes, she was seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approached her and asked what is going on. "I finished the exam in a half hour," she said. "Now I'm rechecking my answers, and half of them are wrong!"
» Big Dogs:


Today, Feb 10, in 
1763 - The Treaty of Paris ended the French and Indian War. 
   In the treaty France ceded Canada to England
1846 - Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day 
   Saints began their exodus to the west from Illinois.
1863 - The fire extinguisher was patented by Alanson Crane.
1879 - The electric arc light was used for the first time. 
1923 - Ink paste was manufactured for the first time by the
   Standard Ink Company. 
1962 - The Soviet Union exchanged capture American U2 pilot
  Francis Gary Powers for the Soviet spy Rudolph Ivanovich 
  Abel held by the U.S. 
1981 - The Las Vegas Hilton hotel-casino caught fire. 
   Eight people were killed and 198 were injured. 
1992 - Mike Tyson was convicted in Indianapolis of raping 
   Desiree Washington, Miss Black American contestant. 
1998 - Voters in Maine repealed a 1997 gay rights law. 
   Maine was the first state to abandone such legislation. 
2005 - North Korea publicly announced for the first time that 
  it has nuclear arms. 
2009 - A Russian and an American satellite collide over 
Siberia. 
2013  smiled


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How to make movies play without stopping and starting 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, February 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but none of them ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her. --- New York City detective Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything. --- Floyd Dell
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?" "Why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them." "Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy." "But why?" "Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to get the roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."
A farmer and his recently hired hand were eating an early breakfast of biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs, bacon and coffee that the farmer's wife had prepared for them. Thinking of all the work they had to get done that day, the farmer told the hired man he might as well go ahead and eat his dinner too. The hired man didn't say a word, but filled his plate a second time and proceeded to eat. After awhile the farmer said, "We've got so much work to do today, you might as well eat your supper now too." Again, the hired man didn't respond but refilled his plate a third time and continued to eat. Finally, after eating his third plate of food, the hired man pushed back his chair & began to take off his shoes. "What are you doing?" the farmer asked. The hired man replied, "I don't work after supper."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Bartolo Gelsomino, 78, Kendall, Florida Jailed After Stabbing Wife To Death Because She Refused To Make Him A Hamburger Reported by The Weekly Vice Bartolo Gelsomino, a 78-year-old Kendall bonehead, was jailed after he allegedly stabbed his wife, 71-year-old Ana Gelsomino, to death because she refused to cook him a hamburger. According to Miami-Dade police, the couple's daughter called police after she reportedly discovered her mother's bloody corpse in the kitchen at their residence. While officers were at the scene, Mr. Gelsomino arrived at the residence with several blood stains on his shirt. Gelsomino's son told police that his father had a history of abusing both him and his mother. Investigators say a translator had to be called in because Gelsomino, a retiree born in Sicily, speaks mostly Italian. When Gelsomino was finally questioned, he admitted to stabbing his wife because she wouldn't make him a hamburger. He then led police to a trash bin at a nearby warehouse where they discovered knives and other evidence that had been used during the murder. Gelsomino was booked into the Miami-Dade County Jail on second-degree murder charges. He is scheduled to appear in court on February 11th. Tech Support Pits From: Hank Re: Problem with videos stopping Dear Webby, Thanks again for your ready help. I have always had trouble viewing videos that are sent me as a link or from Web pages. I have 4 MG RAM and a fast processor but I hardly ever get to watch a Video uninterrupted. Sometimes one on Facebook will play all the way through w/o stopping. Is there anything I can do to remedy this situation? Thanks! Hank Dear Hank Pause the video and let it load completely. When the faint loading bar has reached the right side, then play it. That way you are not limited by your Internet connection. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Pillows From T-Shirts Use an old favorite tee, by making a pillow out of it. Just buy or use a pillow form and make a cover by just sewing the t-shirt and matching material on 3 sides and inset pillow. Then handstitch the remaining seam. By Vickie from Lewes, DE Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

Thanks to Dianne for this legend: Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food-preparation area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just WATCHING. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders, and they had an idea: They could sit on the boulders and watch! This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to the invention of the television. The smaller rocks tossed at the women soon became known as remotes!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Fred While at a marine-supply store stocking up on equipment for my boat, I also purchased an inflatable life preserver. "It was my wife's idea," I explained to the grizzled salesman at the counter. "She's buying it for me as a gift." "Lucky you," he said as he started to write up the order. "My wife got me a length of chain and a cement block."
» Harbin 2013


Today, Feb 7, in 
1569 King Philip II forms inquistion in South America
1795 The 11th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified.
1864 Federal troops occupy Jacksonville FL 
1904 In Baltimore, a fire raged for about 30 hours and 
   destroyed over 1,500 buildings.
1913 The Turks lost 5,000 men in a battle with the 
   Bulgarian army in Gallipoli.
1940 "Pinocchio" world premiered in Manhattan.
1943 The U.S. government announced that shoe rationing 
  would go into effect in two days.
1958 Dutch auto-transmission car DAF 600 introduced 
1962 The U.S. government banned all Cuban imports and 
  re-export of U.S. products to Cuba from other countries.
1971 Swiss men accept female suffrage 
1974 The nation of Grenada gained independence from Britain.
1976 Darryl Sittler (Toronto Maple Leafs) set a National 
  Hockey League (NHL) record when he scored 10 points in 
  a game against the Boston Bruins. He scored six goals 
  and four assists.
1984 Space shuttle astronauts Bruce McCandless II and 
  Robert L. Stewart made the first untethered space walk.
1985 "Sports Illustrated" released its annual swimsuit 
  edition. It was the largest regular edition in the 
  magazine’s history at 218 pages.
1986 Haitian President-for-Life Jean-Claude Duvalier 
  fled his country. 28 years of family rule ended.
1991 The Rev. Jean-Bertrand Aristide was sworn in as 
  Haiti's first democratically elected president.
1999 King Hussein of Jordan died. His son was sworn 
  in as king four hours after the announcement that 
  his father had died.
2001 Robert Pickett, 47, fired several shots at the 
  White House near the South Lawn. He was subdued 
  after being shot in the knee. No one else was hurt 
  in the incident.
2003 Nootka Sound, Sandra Bohn was cited for petting 
  a killer whale under the federal Fisheries Act. She 
  was later fined $74.
2013  smiled


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Wrong size font on web pages 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, February 6

Betty sent me this:
Hi Webby, have u ever heard this one before?  Just love it, 
they are great! such fun! TC, Betty
 
I don't think you'll ever hear this sung like this again!! 
what a hoot!! they are great!! tap your toes & enjoy!
  
Waltzing Matilda - ABORIGINAL VERSION
 You will love this version. TURN YOUR SPEAKERS ON LOUD!
Waltzing Matilda sung in Kriol, a mixture of local aboriginal dialect, pidgeon English and a smidgen of Chinese.
This is really good and entertaining . Listen for the pronunciation of sheep. It is very catchy.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Wg ... ;vq=medium
Betty

You will instantly forget all the lame and sad-ass renditions
that you have ever heard. 
This is how Waltzing Matilda SHOULD be sung and played!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. --- William Butler Yeats Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. --- Socratex Hell, there are no rules here-- we're trying to accomplish something. --- Thomas A. Edison
During a friendly argument, Jim asked his wife why she married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," she teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, she was surprised and requested an explanation. "Well, people get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."
Several women were visiting an elderly friend who was ill. After awhile, they rose to leave and told her; "We will keep you in our prayers." "Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Rhiannon Noell Stefanick, 23, Greenwich , CT Jailed for Beating His Conquests To The Ground With A Tire Iron Reported by The Weekly Vice Rhiannon Noell Stefanick, a 23-year-old Greenwich female was arraigned Tuesday after she allegedly knocked out a woman's teeth with a tire iron before fleeing the scene. According to police, officers were dispatched after receiving a report that a woman had just been attacked in front of Liberation House, a local drug treatment facility. Arriving officers found the victim, who had been beaten to the ground with her teeth knocked out. She was taken to a local hospital where she was treated for non-life threatening injuries. During questioning, the victim was forced to type her responses, because of her injuries. She told detectives that she began receiving threatening calls shortly after meeting a man the week before. On the day of the incident, a woman identified as Stefanick approached her with a tire iron and stated "I told you not to mess with my man." That's when Stefanick allegedly commenced with beating the victim. A witness at the scene reported that a car had been parked across the street from Liberation House for at least an hour prior to the attack. The victim later picked Stefanick out from a police line up. Stefanick was booked into jail and charged with first-degree felony assault. She was released after posting $25,000 bond. She is scheduled to appear in court on February 14th. Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: Fonts too big Dear Webby, Lately my page ( everything on the page has been bigger then usually, is there a way I can make it smaller? Thank your for your advise. Rose Dear Rose Hold down the CTRL key, and turn the scroll wheel on your mouse. Depending on which way you roll the wheel, the fonts will zoom larger or smaller. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Gardener Soap Put 3/4 cups of white sugar into a glass jar and add some dish soap. Then stir, you don't want it too runny. If it is, just add more sugar until you get the right consistency. Put a lid on it. You can use pink soap, it looks really nice. Great for gifts. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
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The police recently busted a man selling ' secret formula' tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud. He had earlier been arrested for the same thing in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Driving along I-90, just west of Chicago, I passed a sign posted by the police department: "Report drivers using a cell phone. Call *99."
» Featured Creatures


Today, Feb 6, in 
1778 The United States got official recognition from France
1815 The state of New Jersey issued the first American railroad
  charter to John Stevens.
1899 U.S. Senate ratified  peace treaty between the U.S. 
   and Spain
1911 First old-age home for pioneers opened in Prescott, AZ.
1932 Dog sled racing happened for the first time in Olympic
  competition.
1952 Britain's King George VI died. His daughter, Elizabeth II,
  succeeded him.
1959 The U.S., for the first time, successfully test-fired a Titan
  intercontinental ballistic missile from Cape Canaveral.
1971 NASA Astronaut Alan B. Shepard used a six-iron that he 
  had brought inside his spacecraft and swung at three golf 
  balls on the surface of the moon.
1972 Over 500,000 pieces of irate mail arrived at the mail 
  room of CBS-TV, when word leaked out that an edited-for-TV 
  version of the X-rated movie, "The Demand," would be shown.
1999 King Hussein of Jordan transferred full political power 
  to his oldest son the Crown Prince Abdullah.
1999 Excerpts of former White House intern Monica Lewinsky's 
   videotaped testimony were shown at President Clinton's 
   impeachment trial.
2000 Russia's acting President Vladimir Putin announced 
   that Russian forces had captured Grozny, Chechnya. The 
   capital city had been under the control of Chechen rebels.
2001 Ariel Sharon was elected Israeli prime minister.
2002 A federal judge ordered John Walker Lindh to be held 
  without bail pending trial. Lindh was known as the 
  "American Taliban."
2013  smiled


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Program to fill out PDF forms 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, February 5.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"This year will go down in history. For the first time, a civilized nation has full gun registration. Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient and the world will follow our lead into the future" --- Adolph Hitler, 1935
A handyman was working for a Synagogue had asked for a raise and was turned down. He decided to quit and went out to look for work. First he went to a Catholic church and was told that in order to work there, he would have to answer one question. The priest asked, "Where was Jesus born"? The man answered, "Pittsburgh", and was thrown out. He then went to a Baptist church. The minister told him that in order to get a job there he would have to answer a question. He was asked, "Where was Jesus born"? The man answered, "Philadelphia". He was tossed out. Walking away he met the rabbi who was looking for him. The rabbi exclaimed, "The board approved your raise. Please come back immediately". The man said to the rabbi, "I will come back only if you answer a question. "Where was Jesus born"? The rabbi says, "Bethlehem". Cries the man. "I knew it was in Pennsylvania".
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted." The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than a $20, I wouldn't be eating here."
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Cindy Patriarchias, 33 and Edmond Gonzales, 37 in Albuquerque, New Mexico Boneheads Lock Disabled Child In Cage, Take The Rest Of The Family To A Movie Reported by The Weekly Vice Cindy Patriarchias, a 33-year-old Albuquerque female and her boyfriend, 37-year-old Edmond Gozales, were booked into jail Friday after they allegedly locked an 8-year-old disabled girl in a wooden cage while they took the rest of the family to see a movie. According to police, Patriarchias and Gonzales reportedly left the girl in a handmade wooden cage while they went to attend a movie with their three children at a local elementary school. Investigators say Patriarchias is attempting to adopt the victim, who suffers from microcephaly. The three other children are the couple's own biological children. Investigators say Patriarchias's estranged husband was at the school and called police after he discovered that the child had been left alone. When officers arrived at the couple's residence, they waited for about an hour for Patriarchias and Gonzales to arrive. Once the couple returned home, officers entered the residence and found the victim locked in a cage that measured 4 feet by 2 1/2 feet. One of the couple's children told investigators that the victim had been routinely placed in the cage as punishment for misbehaving. Another child told investigators that he offered to stay with the girl while the family was gone, because the victim was alseep and wouldn't know why the family was gone. The victim was removed from the residence and placed into protective custody. Patriarchias, who works as a lunch monitor at a local elementary school, was booked into jail and charged with negligently causing child abuse. She has also been terminated from her job, according to school officials. Gonzales was also jailed on charges of negligently permitting child abuse. They are both being held in lieu of $25,000 cash-only bond. Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: PDF to text Dear Webby I would like to be able to edit some PDF documents. Such as forms or documents. nothing copyrighted just some common documents. Thanks Dear Ron For that I use Nitro http://www.nitropdf.com/ The PRO version lets you convert stuff to WORD, but just for filling out Govt forms and signing them, before WINfaxing them back to the Govt., the free version works well enough. I don't bother converting to WORD or anything, I just click on "Typewriter" and "type" into the form. You can select fonts and sizes. Make a huge signature with a MarkAll and scan that, then reduce the size of it, sharpen it and make the background transparent, and save it as a GIF. Then you can insert your signature and make it look as good as if you had printed the form and signed it by hand. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Gardener Soap Put 3/4 cups of white sugar into a glass jar and add some dish soap. Then stir, you don't want it too runny. If it is, just add more sugar until you get the right consistency. Put a lid on it. You can use pink soap, it looks really nice. Great for gifts. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to acess the popular "Ask Jeeves" site, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it." As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "Where did I misplace my glasses?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson. She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for church. "Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other for yourself," she told the girl. Sunday, when they were coming out of the church, the mother asked her daughter which amount she had given. "Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give the dollar, but just before the collection the preacher said that God loves a cheerful giver. I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave button, that I found on the sidewalk, so I did."
» Wood-Chip Sculputres


Today, Feb 5, in 

1782 - The Spanish captured Minorca from the British.
1783 - Sweden recognized the independence of the United States.
1861 - Samuel Goodale patented the moving picture peep 
   show machine.
1881 - Phoenix, AZ, was incorporated.
1917 - The U.S. Congress passed the Immigration Act of 1917 
   (Asiatic Barred Zone Act) with an overwhelming majority. 
   The action overrode President Woodrow Wilson's veto.
1924 - The BBC time signals, or "pips", from Greenwich 
  Observatory were heard for the first time. They are 
  broadcast every hour.
1958 - Gamel Abdel Nasser was formally nominated to become 
   the first president of the United Arab Republic.
1988 - Panama's military leader, Gen. Manuel Antonio Noriega, 
   charged with of bribery and drug trafficking in Florida.
1997 - Switzerland's "Big Three" banks announced they would 
   create a $71 million fund for Holocaust victims and 
   their families.
1999 - Mike Tyson was sentenced to a year in jail for 
   assaulting two people after a car accident. Tyson was 
   also fined $5,000, had to serve 2 years of probation, 
   and had to perform 200 hours of community service 
   upon release.
2001 - Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman announced their separation.
2003 - U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell presented evidence 
   to the U.N. concerning Iraq's material breach of U.N. 
   Resolution 1441
2013  smiled


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How do you convert PDF to Text? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, February 4.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Teenaged boys already know everything. When a boy reaches 13 years of age, the Knowledge Fairy comes around and inserts into his brain all the information in the entire universe. From that point on, he no longer needs any parental guidance. All he needs is parental money." --- Dave Barry Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised. --- Marilyn Manson
A lady who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. "Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook." He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing non-stop. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of expensive perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife, who was too lazy to read the instructions on the package. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me Mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Timothy Bonner, 40, Burgettstown, Pa. Breaks Out Of Police Holding Cell, Flees To Local Bar For A Beer Reported by The Weekly Vice Timothy Bonner, a 40-year-old Pennsylvania bonehead, was jailed a second time after he allegedly escaped from a police holding cell, then stopped at a local bar to brag about his escape. According to Burgettstown Police, Bonner was placed in a police holding cell after his arrest on an assault charge. At some point Bonner freed himself from his handcuffs, knocked the cell door off its hinges and fled the jail. Officers at the station heard a loud noise, however, Bonner was long gone by the time they realized what had transpired. Investigators say Bonner made a quick stop at a house to borrow a pair of shoes before pressing onward to a local bar. Witnesses at the bar say Bonner bragged about his escape and then asked for a beer. A customer purchased a drink for Bonner, however, however, somebody called the cops and police arrived on the scene before he had a chance to drink his beer. Bonner was booked into the Washington County Jail on the original assault charge and additional charges are pending. Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: PDF to text Dear Webby Hi Webby hope all is well with your eyes. I need a free program to convert PDF to WORD. All kinds of them out there to convert WORD to PDF but I cannot find a free program to convert from PDF to Word or DOC. Seems like they got that locked up Thanks as always. Dear Ron PDF is basically a print-to-file graphic. To make it editable, it has to be run through an OCR text recognition program, that converts characters it recognizes into letters. OCR has come a long way and nowadays recognizes characters in many fonts, as long as they are not jumbled like in those nuisance Captcha verification modules used to make sure a form submission is made by a human and not a script. eBooks also often have "spoilers" built in, to prevent guys like you from running an eBook through an OCR, and changing a few words and the author's name, and selling it, competing with the real author. There are programs that let you mess with PDF files, for example filling in forms. They are usually not true OCR programs, but just very basic graphics programs with just the text modules. You basically write a text into a picture, like when I write the copyright of the photographer into a picture, when I know who took it. And then there are a very few true OCR type PDF to text converters, however, none of them are free. Most of them have a free form filler version, but for the professional converter, you have to pay. What exactly are you trying to do? Have FUN! DearWebby Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cabinet Door Chalkboard I never had a place to make a note and could never find a pen and paper when I needed it. I purchased some chalk paint at Home Depot. I taped off a section on a pantry cabinet I have and spray painted the section with the chalk paint. I actually did 2 light coats and used a sponge brush to smooth it over. It's very easy to use, the craft stores have a brush on chalk paint that you can buy. It dried fast and looks really nice. Now I always have a place for a note or I can write a cute message for my husband on it. By Jill from Blue Bell, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Jill for this: Working as a court reporter, I hear to a lot of testimony that you won't hear on LAW AND ORDER, including the following give-and-take between the judge and a mother during a paternity suit. Judge: "Was the child born out of wedlock?" Mother: "No, sir, just outside of Louisville."
» Dim Sum 2013


Today, Feb 4, in 
1783 - Britain declared a formal cessation of hostilities 
  with its former colonies, the United States of America.
1789 - Electors unanimously chose George Washington to be 
   the first president of the United States.
1824 - J.W. Goodrich introduced rubber galoshes to the public.
1847 - In Maryland, the first U.S. Telegraph Company was 
   established.
1904 - The Russo-Japanese War began after Japan laid siege 
   to Port Arthur.
1913 - Louis Perlman received a patent for his demountable 
   tire-carrying rims.
1936 - Radium E. became the first radioactive substance to be 
   produced synthetically.
1945 - During World War II, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, 
   British Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet leader 
   Josef Stalin began a conference at Yalta to outline plans 
   for Germany's defeat.
1957 - Smith-Corona Manufacturing Inc., of New York, began 
  selling portable electric typewriters. The first machine 
  weighed 19 pounds.
1968 - The world's largest hovercraft was launched at Cowes, 
   Isle of Wight.
1973 - The Reshef was unveiled as Israel's missile boat.
1974 - Patricia (Patty) Hearst was kidnapped in Berkeley, CA, 
   by the Symbionese Liberation Army.
1993 - Russian scientists unfurled a giant mirror in orbit 
   and flashed a beam of sunlight across Europe during the night. 
   Observers saw it only as a momentary flash.
1997 - A civil jury in California found O.J. Simpson liable 
   in the death of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and 
   Ron Goldman. Goldman's parents were awarded $8.5 million 
   in compensatory damages.
1998 - In northeast Afghanistan, at least 5,000 people were 
   killed in an earthquake that measured 6.1 on the Richter 
   Scale.
1999 - Warplanes from Israel attacked south Lebanon just 
   after rockets were fired toward Israel. No casualies 
   were claimed on either side.
2000 - Austrian President Thomas Klestil swore in a coalition 
   government that included Joerg Haider's far-right Freedom 
   Party. European Union sanctions were a result of the action.
2003 - Yugoslavia was formally dissolved by lawmakers. 
   The country was replaced with a loose union of its remaining 
   two republics, Serbia and Montenegro. 
2013  smiled


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Where to find the Missing DLLs 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, February 3.
Happy Chinese New Year-The Year of the Hare/Rabbit!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The smaller the mind the greater the conceit. --- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC) When you are not physically starving, you have the luxury to realize psychic and emotional starvation. --- Cherrie Moraga There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true. --- Sir Winston Churchill Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. --- Woody Allen ------- Now, if the Senate got organized,...
>Thanks to Erin for this: We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start a baby boomer from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me." By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?" "No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car."
Soon after our high-tech company moved into a new building, we had trouble with the elevators. A manager got stuck between floors and, after some door banging, finally attracted attention. His name was taken and rescue promised. It took two hours before the elevator mechanic arrived and got the manager out. When he returned to his desk, he found this note from his efficient secretary: "The elevator people called and will be here in two hours."
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to DaNita Wilson, 32, Folkston, Ga. Teacher jailed for screwing 7 or more gossipy students Reported by Sailor DaNita Wilson, a 32-year-old math teacher at Charlton County High School, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly had sex with at least 7 students over the past year. According to the Georgia Bureau of Investigations, detectives began pursuing the case on Monday after school administrators received a tip about the alleged sexual affairs and notified authorities. Investigators say Wilson engaged in sexual relationships with at least six 16-year-old male students and one 15 year-old male student. All of the victims reportedly attended Charlton High School, but it is not known how many of the students Wilson actually taught. The investigation is still in its early stages, and authorities caution that more victims might be identified as the investigation continues. Wilson, who is married with two children, turned herself into authorities after she learned that she was under investigation. She has since issued a letter to the school, tendering her resignation. Wilson was booked into the Charlton County Jail and charged with seven counts of sexual assault on a child. She was released after posting a $35,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Evita Re: Need DLL's Dear Webby On a recent cleaning spree my well meaning hubby deleted some DLL files that are needed by programs. Where can I download them from? Thanks Evita Dear Evita Try the DllDump. They have a ton of free DLLs and INI and OCX files: http://www.dlldump.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Money by Organizing Your Refrigerator Always add a label with the date a product was opened to insure freshness. If you do not plan to use leftovers right away, immediately freeze them for future use. Once a week empty the fridge prior to grocery shopping so that you do not purchase something that you already have, while empty wipe the inside clean before returning food to the fridge. Keep a check list on your computer (I use excel) of all the most frequently used items so that you can highlight when they are needed. By Donnaschmitt215 from Glendale, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog's death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said, "I'll go right now. Do you think $5,000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick: "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 10 yards farther than I could my last ones."
» Super Bowl Ads 2013


Today, Feb 2, in 
1377 Mass execution of population of Cesena Italy
1576 Henry of Navarre (future Henry IV) escapes from Paris
1690 1st paper money in America issued (colony of Massachusetts)
1743 Philadelphia establishes a "pesthouse" to quarantine 
   immigrants
1752 Dutch States-General forbid export of windmills
1783 Spain recognizes US independence
1815 World's 1st commercial cheese factory established, 
   in Switzerland
1894 1st US steel sailing vessel, Dirigo, launched, Bath ME
1908 Supreme Court rules a union boycott violates Sherman Antitrust Act
1913 16th Amendment, federal income tax, ratified
1913 Golden/Cawthorne's musical "Sunshine Girl" premieres in New York NY
1915 Turkish & German army reach Suez Canal
1916 Canada's original Parliament building, in Ottawa, burns
1916 Tristan Tzar publishes Dada-manifest in Zurich Switzerland
1917 US liner Housatonic sunk by German sub & diplomatic 
   relations severed
1930 Vietnamese Communistic Party forms
1931 Arkansas legislature passes motion to pray for soul 
  of H L Mencken after he calls the state the "apex of moronia"
1933 German minister Göring bans social-democratic newspaper Vorwärts
1942 1st Japanese air raid on Java
1945 Almost 1000 Flying Fortresses drop 3000 tons of bombs
   on Berlin
1947 -81ºF (-63ºC), Snag Yukon (North American record)
1950 Nuclear physicist Klaus Fuchs arrested on spy charges
1962 President Kennedy bans all trade with Cuba except for food & drugs
1965 Orbiting Solar Observatory 2 launches into Earth orbit (552/636 km)
1966 1st operational weather satellite, ESSA-1 launched (US)
1966 1st soft landing on the Moon (Soviet Luna 9)
1984 1st baby conceived by embryo transplant born in Long Beach CA
1993 Federal trial of 4 police officers charged with civil 
  rights violations in videotaped beating of Rodney King 
  begins in Los Angeles CA
1994 President Bill Clinton lifts US trade embargo against Vietnam
1998 Mary Kay LeTourneau, 36, former teacher, violates probation 
   with 14 year-old father of her baby
1998 Stamps commemorating Princess Diana go on sale across 
Britain
1998 US military plane clips cable car lines in northern Italy, 
kills 20
2013  smiled


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Address in the "TO:" line 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, February 2.
Happy groundhog Day!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him. --- Henry Stimson (1867 - 1950) No one can build his security upon the nobleness of another person. --- Willa Cather Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend. --- Marcel Achard
Ever mindful of the congregation, the Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog, and knew that the dog also had to be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's "PENTECOSTAL!"
A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, lo and behold, he lost his wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempts to make his way home but is stopped by a cute female Customs Agent at the border. "May I see your identification, please?" asks the agent. "I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet at the beach," replies the guy. "Sure, buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border," says the agent. "But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaims. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of Richard Nixon on the other." "This I gotta see," replies the agent. With that, Joe drops his pants and bends over in front of the agent. "By golly, you're right!" she exclaims. "Go on home to Boston." "Thanks!" he says. "But how did you know I was from Boston?" The agent replies, "I recognized the picture of Ted Kennedy's nose and baggy jowls in the middle."
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jason Archer, 36, Tennessee Shoplifter wears a smile from being hit with the Ugly Stick Reported by The Weekly Vice Jason Archer 36, was arrested Friday evening after allegedly trying to shoplift nearly $1200 in merchandise from a Walmart. Archer, who was initially detained by store security, sought to flee when cops approached. Archer struggled with, -and attempted to strike-, officers, according to a criminal complaint. However, based on Archer’s mug shot, the cops appeared more adept at landing their blows. Looks like a typical drum solo with the Ugly Stick and the big flashlight. As a result, Archer was left with head wounds in a pattern that recalls Walmart’s old smiley face symbol. Archer spent four days in jail before bonding out this morning. He is scheduled for a February 4 appearance in General Sessions court. Tech Support Pits From: C Re: Address in the TO line Dear Webby I have a question about email. I always send email from the 'To:' with my own address in there and then all copies to others go in the 'Bcc:' . My question is does there always have to be and address in the 'To:' area, or is it ok to send it with all addresses in the 'Bcc:' and leave the other blank? Would it cause a problem? Thanks for all of your help and humor over the years! I so look forward to your letter apprearing everyday in my email....keep up the great work, and stay healthy and happy. C Dear C Most email programs require that you have something in the "TO:" line. However, even if you can get away with leaving the "TO:" line blank, that would just make you look like an amateur spammer. Better put some address into the "TO:" line, preferably your own or make one up, like "From C to my herd of friends" <.c@mydomain.com"> or something like that. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Money by Organizing Your Refrigerator Always add a label with the date a product was opened to insure freshness. If you do not plan to use leftovers right away, immediately freeze them for future use. Once a week empty the fridge prior to grocery shopping so that you do not purchase something that you already have, while empty wipe the inside clean before returning food to the fridge. Keep a check list on your computer (I use excel) of all the most frequently used items so that you can highlight when they are needed. By Donnaschmitt215 from Glendale, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A Japanese tourist hailed a taxi in downtown Chicago and asked to be taken out to O'Hare Airport. On the way, a car zoomed by and the tourist responded, "Ohhh!!! TOYOTA!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" Not too long after, another car flew by the taxi. "Ohh!!! NISSAN!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" Yet another zipped by, "Ohh!!! Mitsubishi!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" The taxi driver, complete 100% American, was starting to get a little miffed that the Japanese made cars were passing his Chevy, when yet another car passed the taxi right as they were turning into the airport. "Ohh!!! Honda!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" The taxi driver stopped the car, pointed to the meter, and said, "that'll be $150." "$150? It was so short a ride! Why so much?" "Taxi Meter. Made in Japan. Very fast."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Evelyn My husband and I took our two-year-old daughter to the home -improvement store. Madison got tired of walking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders. As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair. Although he asked her to stop several times, she kept on. Getting annoyed, he scolded, "Madison! Stop that!" "But, Daddy," she replied, "I'm just trying to get my gum back."
» All About Phil


Today, Feb 2, in 
0506 King Alarik II of Visigoten delegates Lex Romania 
0962 Pope John XII crowns German King Otto I the Great Emperor
1141 Battle at Lincoln King Stephen captured
1536 Pedro de Mendoza finds the Argentine city of Buenos Aires
1653 New Amsterdam becomes a city (later New York NY)
1811 Russian settlers establish Fort Ross trading post, 
   north of San Francisco
1848 1st shipload of Chinese arrive in San Francisco
1848 Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo ends Mexican War; 
  US acquires Texas, California, New Mexico & Arizona 
  for $15 million
1863 Samuel Clemens becomes Mark Twain for 1st time
1869 James Oliver invents the removable tempered steel plow blade
1880 SS Strathleven arrives in London with 1st Australian 
  frozen mutton
1882 Knights of Columbus forms in New Haven CT
1892 Longest boxing match under modern rules; 77 rounds in 
  Nameoki, Illinois between Harry Sharpe & Frank Crosby
1892 Bottle cap with cork seal patented by William Painter (Baltimore)
1893 1st movie close-up (of a sneeze), Edison studio, West Orange NJ
1920 France occupies (German) Memel territory
1923 Ethyl (grain) gasoline 1st marketed, Dayton OH
1925 Dogsleds reach Nome with emergency diphtheria serum 
  after 1000-km run (Iditiarod route)
1931 1st use of a rocket to deliver mail (Austria)
1932 Geneva disarmament conference begins with 60 countries
1932 Al Capone sent to prison (Atlanta GA)
1933 2 days after becoming chancellor, Adolf Hitler dissolves Parliament
1933 Göring bans communist meetings/demonstrations in Germany
1935 Lie detector 1st used in court (Portage WI)
1942 Los Angeles Times urges security measures against Japanese-Americans
1942 US auto factories switch from commercial to war production
1943 Battle of Stalingrad ends with final surrender of the German army, 
   turning point of WWII
1957 Liz Taylor's 3rd marriage (Mike Todd)
1957 UN adopts a resolution calling for Israeli troops to leave Egypt
1971 Idi Amin ousts Milton Obote to become dictator of Uganda
1977 Radio Shack officially begins creating the TRS-80 computer
1977 Burn up of Salyut 4 Space Station (USSR)
1993 Frito Lay pays court ordered $2,500,000 to Tom Waits for using his song, "Step Right Up"
1998 Philippine DC-9 crashes apparently killing all 104 on board 
2013  smiled


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Living in his future 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, February 1.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!





Have FUN!
DearWebby


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All movements go too far. --- Bertrand Russell Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action. 'It will give me time to get far enough away' said the professor.
A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. "That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied. A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you sure are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him. "Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Rashad Greene, 28, Summit County, Ohio Jailed After Assaulting Girlfriend In Courtroom During Protection Order Hearing Reported by The Weekly Vice Rashad Greene, a 28-year-old Ohio bonehead, was jailed after he assaulted his ex-girlfriend while she was in a courtroom attempting to get a restraining order against him. According to the Summit County Sheriff's Office, Greene was in the court room discussing the restraining order request with the victim and HIS mother when the court magistrate briefly left the room. A few moments later, the room spiraled into chaos when Greene jumped from his chair, chased down the victim and began assaulting her. A video surveillance camera in the room captured the action as events unfolded. Greene can be seen chasing the victim around a conference table as his mother tries to stop him. Greene then throws his mother aside and continues the case. At one point, Greene tackled the victim to the floor and began punching her in the face and head as the magistrate and a deputy enter the room. Greene was brought into submission after receiving a few jolts from the deputy's stun gun. The victim was taken to a local hospital where she was treated for non-life threatening injuries. Greene was booked into jail and charged with domestic violence. He is currently being held in lieu of a $25,000 bond and was ordered to refrain from contacting the victim. From Song Dear Webby, I used to hate getting up and checking the mail, until you finally convinced me to get the MailWasher. I don't know how much mail I lost because I simply deleted everything (except the Humor Letter, of course). Now the mail is civilized again. Thanks Song Tech Support Pits From: Elsa Re: Living in the future Dear Webby Lately I have been getting a lot of smart-ass remarks in email replies about being in somebody's future and time traveling and all kinds of remarks, that don't make sense to me. What could be causing that? Elsa Dear Elsa Your time zone is set incorrectly. Double-click the time in the bottom right corner of the screen. At the bottom of the Pop-Up, that you get, click on "Change Date And Time settings". In there you can correct your time zone. After that, the smart-asses will stop claiming that you are in their future. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hooking Your Purse to the Cart With all the purses snatched each year from grocery carts, here is a hint. You know the straps used to hold in children, use them to hold your purse in, so they have to take the buggy too instead of just your purse. Maybe you can catch the thief, call 911, and have them arrested. By Mary from Bay Minette, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad finally arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds to warm up and refill."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Dave for this: Last week I purchased a burger for $1.58. I handed the cashier $2.00 and started digging for some change. I pulled out 8 cents and gave it to her. She stood there with $2 and 8 cents. She looked bewildered, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she burst into tears. The incident got me thinking about how our kids were learning math in school (or not). Teaching Math In 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5ths of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math In 1960: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5ths of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math In 1970: A logger exchanges a set "L" of lumber for a set of "M" of money. The cardinality of set "M" is 100. Each element is worth one dollar. Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set "M." The set "C," the cost of production, contains 20 fewer points than set "M." Represent the set "C" as a subset of set "M." Answer this question: What is the cardinality of the set "P" of profits? Teaching Math In 1980: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20. Teaching Math In 1990: By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their trees. (There are no wrong answers) Teaching Math In 2000: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120. How does Arthur Anderson determine that his profit margin is $60? Teaching Math in 2012: El hachero vende un camion carga por $100. La cuesta de production es.
» Sea Foam


Today, Feb 1, in 
1539 Emperor Karel & King François I sign anti-English treaty
1587 English queen Elizabeth I signs Mary Stuart's death sentence
1662 Dutch garrison on Formosa surrenders to Chinese pirates
1669 French King Louis XIV limits freedom of religion
1709 British sailor Alexander Selkirk is rescued after being 
  marooned on a desert island (Fernandez Island) for 5 years, 
  his story is the inspiration for Daniel Defoe's 
  "Robinson Crusoe"
1742 Sardinia & Austria sign alliance
1783 William Herschel announces star Lambda Herculis as apex
1788 1st US steamboat patent issued, by Georgia to 
  Briggs & Longstreet
1789 Chinese troops driven out of Vietnam capital Thang Long
1793 Patent granted Ralph Hodgson, New York, for oiled 
  silk & linen (waterproofing)
1793 France declares war on England & Netherlands
1809 Dutch King Louis Napoleon accepts metric system
1810 Seville, Spain surrenders to the French
1810 US Population - 7,239,881; Black population - 
  1,377,808 (19%)
1814 Volcano Mayon on Luzon Philippines erupts killing 1,200
1861 Texas becomes 7th state to secede
1864 2nd German-Danish war begins
1864 Austrian/Prussian troops occupy Sleeswijk/Holstein
1865 General Sherman's march through South Carolina begins
1893 Thomas Edison completes worlds 1st movie studio (West Orange NJ)
1917 Admiral Tirpitz announces unlimited submarine war
1920 1st commercial armored car introduced (St Paul MN)
1920 Royal Canadian Mounted Police forms as Royal Northwest 
  Mounted Police merge with Dominion Police
1940 Russia begins new offensive against Finland
1942 2nd Norwegian government of Quisling forms
1943 Mussert forms pro Nazi shadow cabinet (Netherlands)
1945 US Army arrives at Siegfriedlinie
1947 NV United Dutch Fokker's Aircraft established
1951 1st telecast of atomic explosion - US nuclear 
  test at Nevada Test Site
1951 1st X-ray moving picture process demonstrated
1951 Alfred Krupp & 28 other German war criminals freed
1953 Flooding in Netherlands, kills 1,835
1958 1st US satellite (Explorer I) launched
1958 Egypt & Syria announce plans to merge into 
  United Arab Republic
1959 Swiss males vote against voting rights for women
1959 Texas Instruments requests patent of IC (Integrated Circuit)
1961 1st full-scale test of US Minuteman ICBM is successful
1964 Beatles' "I Want to Hold Your Hand" 1st #1 hit & stays 
  #1 for 7 weeks
1964 Suriname River dammed
1970 Stalled commuter train rammed by express in Argentina, 139 die
1970 West-Germany & USSR sign gas contract
1972 1st scientific hand-held calculator (HP-35) introduced ($395)
1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini returns to Iran after 15 years in exile
1979 Patricia Hearst is released from a San Francisco prison 
  for bank robbery
1991 Afghanistan/Pakistan hit by earthquake, 1,200 die
1994 Large meteorite falls near Kusaie, Pacific Ocean
1995 Amtrak New York-Tampa run ends
2013  smiled


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Semi-transparent background 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, January 31.

I just finished a new site for the Griffiths Senior Center
here in Black Diamond and they invited me to come over and 
join their Floor Curling, and hopefuly take some pictures.
Well, at -22 cameras chill off and pictures get a bluish
tinge, so for today I just walked without any camera, just
to see what is going on.

I expected half a dozen octogenarians shuffling around, and 
was quite surprised. There were about 60 very lively people
between 50 and 90, and before I knew it, I had been drafted
to fill in on a team. Since I had never competed or even 
played Floor Curling, they graciously allowed me six practise 
shots. I blew them all. My aim was exellent, but unlike
bowling, you don't put much force into a shot. 

Halfway through the game I learned to just gently slide the
stone and we did win, just barely. That's how good the rest
of the team were!

I'll take some pictures next Wednesday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The gods too are fond of a joke. --- Aristotle I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he says to St. Peter , "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes?" St. Peter said, "That's a question only God can answer". So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, "God, please ~ I must know. Am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?" God simply replied "You are what you are." The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked, "Well, did God answer your question?" The zebra looked puzzled. "No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.'" St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, "Well then, that answers it ~ you are a white horse with black stripes." The zebra asked, "How do you know that?" "Because," said St. Peter, "If you were a black horse with white stripes, God would have said, "Yo is what yo is."
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" Well, the mother did not really want to get into a deep discussion about innocence and virginity, especially since this was the fourth wedding of the bride, so she fibbed: "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is one of the happiest days of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "Mom, why is the groom wearing black?"
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Click on the picture for the large version Super Soaker in North Curl Curl, Sindey, Australia
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Laura Morgan, 48, Chatanooga, Tennessee Wheelchair Bound Prostitute Beats Boyfriend To Death With Crowbar For Drug Money Reported by The Weekly Vice Laura Morgan, a 48-year-old wheelchair bound prostitute, allegedly beat her 73-year-old boyfriend to death with a crowbar for drug money. According to Chattanooga police, officers were dispatched to the victim's residence after Morgan called 911 to report that she had struck her boyfriend in the head with a crowbar. When officers arrived on the scene, they found 73-year-old James Masingill dead on the floor with obvious head trauma. During a police interview, Morgan stated that she struck the victim in the head, took $200 from his wallet and used it to purchase crack cocaine. She then returned to the residence and called 911. Morgan, whose previous arrests include prostitution, had both legs amputated due to an illness. Neighbors say Morgan was known as the "neighborhood prostitute" and it was well known that she was addicted to crack cocaine, and a fugitive. They said Masingill took her in and tried to help her, however the relationship became strained over time. Morgan was booked into jail and charged with first-degree murder and aggravated battery. Court records show that Morgan has an extensive criminal past, including charges of prostitution and theft. She was also known for being a fugitive. Tech Support Pits From: Clara Re: Semi-transparent background Dear Webby I have a page background, that varies in brighness, making text difficult to read. I need to overlay that with a semi-transparent black div to give the text more contrast. How do I do that? Clara Dear Clara Keep in mind that the semi-transparent div background will OVERlay your text! It will be readable, but not sharp. I am leaving off the Smaller-than sign at thestart and the Lager-than sign at the end, to make sure your email program does not execute that. div style="background-color:black; opacity:0.6; filter:alpha(opacity=60);" The first line is for standard browsers, the filter:alpha is for Internet Explorer. It works, but is not a good solution. A table with a solid background or a reasonably uniformly bright or dark picture background gives you better readability, even though it does not look as geeky. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cardboard Tubes for Tongs My wife has several sets of kitchen tongs she uses occasionally while preparing meals. They are usually tangled with each other and once in a while I will see one of the pairs sailing across the kitchen. My solution was to grab a couple empty TP cardboard tubes and slide the tongs inside. Because the tubes are cardboard and the tongs metal, I covered the tubes with clear shipping tape to make them last longer. Since then I have used the empty tubes for extension cords up to 9', spare cables, and computer cords. The list is endless. By John from Midland, MI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

>Thanks to Billie for this story: A few years ago I went to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that enough Germans would speak English so that I could at least get around. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I just nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German. "No," I confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train going in the wrong direction."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."
» Word Games


Today, Jan 28, in 
0876 Charles becomes king of Italy
1578 Battle of Gembloers
1627 Spanish government goes bankrupt
1696 Revolt of undertakers after funeral reforms (Amsterdam)
1779 Charles Messier adds M57 (Ring Nebula in Lyra) to his catalog
1851 Gail Borden announces invention of evaporated milk
1855 Western railroads blocked by snow
1862 Telescope maker Alvin Clark discovers dwarf companion of Sirius
1865 Congress passes 13th Amendment, abolishing slavery in America (121-24)
1871 Millions of birds fly over western San Francisco, darken the sky
1874 Jesse James gang robs train at Gads Hill MO
1905 1st auto to exceed 100 mph (161 kph), A G MacDonald, Daytona Beach
1906 Strongest instrumentally recorded earthquake, Colombia, 8.6 Richter
1911 Congress names San Francisco as Panamá Canal opening celebration site
1915 1st (German) poison gas attack, against Russians
1928 Scotch tape 1st marketed by 3-M Company
1929 Leon Trotsky expelled from Russia to Turkey
1930 1st US glider flight from a dirigible, Lakehurst New Jersey
1932 US railway unions accept 10% wage reduction
1933 Hitler promises parliamentary democracy
1934 FDR devalues the dollar in relation to gold at $35 per ounce
1940 40 U boats sunk this month (111,000 ton)
1941 21 U boats sunk this month (127,000 ton)
1942 62 U boats sunk this month (327,000 ton)
1943 39 U boats sunk this month (203,100 ton)
1943 Chile breaks contact with Germany & Japan
1943 General Friedrich von Paul surrenders to Russian 
   troops at Stalingrad
1944 U-592 sunk off Ireland
1948 Magnetic tape recorder developed by Wireway
1950 President Truman reveals that he ordered the Atomic 
   Energy Commission to develop the hydrogen bomb
1953 "Princess Victoria" capsized off Stanraer Scotland; 133 die
1955 RCA demonstrates 1st music synthesizer
1957 Liz Taylor's 2nd divorce (Michael Wilding)
1957 Trans-Iranian oil pipe line finished
1958 US launches their 1st artificial satellite, Explorer 1
1961 Ham is 1st primate in space (158 miles) aboard Mercury/Redstone 2
1961 USAF launches Samos spy satellite to replace U-2 flights
1968 Viet Cong's Tet offensive begins
1974 McDonald's founder Ray Kroc buys San Diego Padres
1978 Israel turns 3 military outposts in West Bank into civilian settlements
1980 Police storm occupied Spanish embassy in Guatemala City, killing 41
1990 1st McDonald's in Russia opens in Moscow, world's biggest McDonald's
1994 Barcelona opera theater "Gran Teatro del Liceo" burns down 
2013  smiled


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What to do when camera monitor goes dark? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, January 30.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head. --- Rita Rudner Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. --- Walter Lippmann The highest reward for man's toil is not what he gets for it, but what he becomes by it. --- John Ruskin (1819 - 1900)
Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged. Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit. Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all col- lapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apart- ment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!" As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?" "Sure," he replied. "Did you run into any problems?" "No." "Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!" Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said, "Geez, you idiots! The legs unscrew!"
In one of the restrooms at City hall I saw this neatly printed sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers. It read, "Please push button and listen to a short message from the President."
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Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tina Rucker, 42, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina Jailed After Strangling Boyfriend Because He Hogged Too Much Blanket Reported by The Weekly Vice Tina Berryhill Rucker, a 42-year-old Myrtle Beach woman, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly tried to strangle her live-in boyfriend because he was "hogging too much of the blanket". According to Myrtle Beach Police, officers were dispatched to the couple's residence around 11 p.m. after 911 operators received a complaint alleging domestic violence. When officers arrived on the scene, a man living at the residence told them that Rucker attacked and tried to choke him while they were in bed together. He explained that she became enraged when he unintentionally pulled too much of the blanket over to his side of the bed. Officers observed red marks, scratches and bleeding on the victim's neck, according to the arrest report. Investigators also noted that Rucker was intoxicated and became belligerent with officers when they placed her into custody. Rucker was booked into jail and charged with criminal domestic violence. She is currently being held without bond. Tech Support Pits From: Nancy Re: Camera Screen Goes Dark Dear Webby My digital camera screen goes dark or does not work in daylight outside, but works fine inside the house. Is there a setting for outside, to make it brighter? Nancy Dear Nancy Some of the better cameras have a monitor brihtness setting, but by default, that is always set to the brightest possible setting. It's not the camera, it's your eyes that adjust to the bright light outside. Compared to that, the screen appears black. You can get cheap glare shield funnels, or make one, but they are very klutzy and bulky. Professional fotographers have used a black cape to flip over the head and the camera for 200 years. They are still the best solution if your camera does not have a true through the lens optical viewfinder in addition to the screen. You don't need a lined velvet cape like the old time photographers needed to change plates. The thinnest silk you can find is best, so that you can fold it up small and stick it into one of those film containers that clip onto the camera strap. Your "cape" does not have to be as large as traditional ones. It just has to cover your head and the camera. I have seen photographers with small shoulder capes, just slightly larger than the soulder piece, that you would see on a sailor's uniform, that they could fip over their head by bending over and pointing their back to the wind. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rubber Band To Keep Cut Apples Fresh Recycle the Heat From Your Oven If we have been using the oven during the winter or cooler months, we leave the oven door open after baking. The heat is turned off of course but my goodness, all the heat you can "recycle" by simply leaving the oven door open for a few minutes. I refer to it as "recycled heat" because we've just paid for it to cook/bake with and now we can use it for additional warmth to the kitchen area. You don't want to do this during the summer or hotter months because it will make your kitchen even hotter. However, during the cold winter months, it sure feels good to feel it rolling out of the oven. By Marsha from Greenville, NC The stove has small vents at the top and back to let the heat out. It does not stay in there until you bake again a week later, if you keep the door closed. Normally it is better to let the oven and the elements cool off slowly. They will last longer. You still get the same amount of heating for your kitchen, just slower. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck" he said with admiration. "Thanks" the little girl said. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster." The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he googles and sure enough, there's a site for "Gorilla Removers" in his area. He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do", the homeowner asks? "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla off the roof with this baseball bat. When the gorilla falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." So the guy puts the ladder up, gets the bat and the shotgun and walks towards the ladder. As he gets to the base of the ladder, he hands the shotgun to the homeowner. "What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. "If the gorilla knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog!"
» Sky Dogs


Today, Jan 28, in 
1349 Jews of Freilsburg Germany are massacred
1487 Bell chimes invented
1647 Scots agree to sell King Charles I to English Parliament 
  for £400,
1774 Captain Cook reaches 71º 10' S, 1820 km from S pole
1790 Lifeboat 1st tested at sea, by Mr Greathead, the inventor
1800 US population 5,308,483; Black population 1,002,037 (18.9%)
1835 Richard Lawrence misfires at President Andrew Jackson
1847 Yerba Buena renamed San Francisco
1862 US Navy's 1st ironclad warship (Monitor) launched
1889 John Herschel uses camera obscura to photograph 48" 
   (120cm) telescope
1894 Pneumatic hammer patented by Charles King of Detroit
1894 US flag fired on in Rio; prompt satisfaction exacted 
   by Admiral Benham
1895 SS Elbe sinks after collision in North Sea, 332 killed
1911 1st rescue of an air passenger by a ship, near Havana, Cuba
1913 House of Lords rejects Irish Home Rule Bill
1915 German submarine attack on Le Havre
1917 1st jazz record recorded (Dark Town Strutters Ball)
1925 Turkish government throws out Constantine VI of Constantinople
1928 1st radio telephone connection between Netherlands & US
1933 "The Lone Ranger" premieres on ABC radio
1933 German President von Hindenburg appoints Hitler chancellor, 
   Hitler forms government with Von Papen
1934 Hitler proclamation on German unified states
1937 2nd of Stalin's purge trials; Pyatakov & 16 others 
  sentenced to death
1941 Australian troops conquer Derna Libya
1942 Japanese troops land on Ambon
1943 6 British Mosquito's daylight bomb Berlin
1943 German assault on French in Tunisia
1943 USS Chicago sinks in Pacific Ocean
1944 US invades Majuro, Marshall Islands
1945 Unarmed German ship "Wilhelm Gustloff" torpedoed off 
  Danzig by Soviet sub-c 7,700 die
1951 Belgium refuses to allow communists to make speeches 
  on radio
1954 Belgium ends trade agreement with USSR
1956 Martin Luther King Jr's home bombed
1956 Elvis Presley records his version of "Blue Suede Shoes"
1958 1st 2-way moving sidewalk in service, Dallas TX
1960 CIA oks Lockheed to produce a new U-2 aircraft (Oxcart)
1962 UN General Assembly censures Portugal (because of Angola)
1964 Ranger 6 launched; makes perfect flight to Moon, but cameras fail
1966 -27ºF (-33ºC), New Market AL (state record)
1968 Vietcong launch Tet-offensive on US embassy in Saigon
1969 US/Canada ISIS 1 launched to study ionosphere
1972 Pakistan withdraws from the Commonwealth
1972 Bloody Sunday British soldiers shoot on catholics in 
  Londonderry, 13 die
1976 George Bush becomes 11th director of CIA (until 1977)
1979 Rhodesia agrees to new constitution
1989 Olympian, Bruce Kimball, is sentenced to 17 years in prison for 
  killing 2 teenagers in a drunk driving accident
1989 5 pharoah sculptures from 1470 BC found at temple of Luxor
1995 Car bomb explodes in Algiers, 42 killed/296 injured
1997 Minuteman III launches
1998 Paul Simon's "The Capeman" premieres 
2013  smiled


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PPT to Exe 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, January 29.




Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

People find life entirely too time-consuming. --- Stanislaw J. Lec "The free-lance writer is the person who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps." --- Robert Benchley
woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other redneck starts to panic, then whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He frantically blurts out to the operator, "O my gawd! Help! My friend just died. He's Dead! What can I do?" The operator, trying to calm him says, "Take it easy. I can help. Just listen to me and follow my instructions. First, lets make sure he's really dead." There's a short pause, and then the operator hears a loud gun shot. The redneck comes back on the line and says, "OK, now what?"
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint... my... house."
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Thanks to Jim for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version just to share ... have a great week! Jim
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Samantha Kurdilla, 22, Washington, Pennsylvania Jailed After texting "Smuggling Cocaine & Heroin In My Coochie" Reported by The Smoking Gun The 22-year-old was walking back into the United States last week from Tijuana, Mexico when a drug detection dog “alerted to a narcotic odor” emanating from her “groin area.” Kurdilla was walking arm-in-arm with James Perry, who announced, “I’m not with her” when the canine signaled interest in his female companion. Detained at a “pedestrian crossing facility” by Customs and Border Protection agents, Kurdilla was asked if she was “bringing anything from Mexico.” In response, the Pennsylvania resident “gave two negative declarations,” according to a January 18 probable cause statement. Claiming that she was returning to a Best Western hotel in San Diego, Kurdilla (seen above) told investigators that she had been partying with Perry, 44, in Tijuana, where they had been smoking marijuana. Despite Kurdilla’s denials, federal agents later determined that she had a condom filled with 100 grams of cocaine “within her vaginal cavity.” After being read her rights, Kurdilla admitted to drug smuggling “in exchange for compensation,” adding that the cocaine--worth several thousand dollars--belonged to Perry. When he was questioned, Perry reportedly confessed to the smuggling attempt, saying that he directed Kurdilla to hide the narcotics in her vagina so that he could resell the cocaine in the U.S.. In addition to the confessions, federal agents retrieved some particularly damning evidence during a search of Kurdilla’s cell phone. Text messages sent to an unknown individual left little doubt as to what Kurdilla was doing south of the border. “I’m smuggling cocaine and heroin in my coochie,” Kurdilla had written. No way to claim she did not know what she was doing. Kurdilla and Perry are scheduled for separate court appearances Thursday in U.S. District Court in San Diego. Tech Support Pits From: Jackie Re: PPT to Exe ? Dear Webby I was told yesterday that I could convert Power Point presentations to EXE. For some reason the 2003 free Power Point opener from Microsoft won't open presentations anymore. I Googled and found a few tips but do you know an easy way? Thanks! Jackie Dear Jackie Don't bother with converting PPS to exe, unless it is for your own in-house use only. Most virus and spam controls won't allow .exe files through any more. As for your 2003 PPS viewer, just un-install it. It probably got infected with soemthing nasty. Do a good virus scan and after cleaning up, download a new viewer. Nowadays there are many PPT and PPS viewers available. Open Office, for example, has a PPS viewer / composer included. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rubber Band To Keep Cut Apples Fresh A cut apple that is held together with a rubberband to keep from browning. After cutting an apple, put it back together with an elastic band. This will keep it from going brown in lunches. By coville123 from brockville, ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A young boy came to Sunday School late one day. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy said, "No, there is nothing wrong. I was just going to go fishing, but my dad told me that I needed to go to church." The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. And the boy said, "Yes he did, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young man goes to the pet store, looks around, sees a dog he likes somewhat, and asks the manager for help. "I like this breed, but this one's legs are too short" he says to the clerk. And the clerk says, "What do you mean, 'Too short'? They reach the floor, don't they?"
» Rays... the wet variety


Today, Jan 28, in 
1523 Sermon of Constanz Zwingli defends 67 Schlussreden
1613 Galileo observes Neptune but fails to recognize what 
  he sees
1834 President Jackson orders 1st use of US troops to suppress a labor dispute
1861 Kansas becomes 34th state
1863 Battle at Bear River WA US Army vs Indians
1886 1st successful gasoline-driven car patented, Karl Benz
1896 Emile Grubbe is 1st doctor to use radiation treatment 
   for breast cancer
1900 Boers under Joubert beat English at Spionkop Natal, 
   2,000 killed
1916 1st bombings of Paris by German Zeppelins takes place
1917 English submarine K13 leaves Gaire Loch
1919 Secretary of state proclaims the 18th amendment 
   (prohibition)
1921 Hurricane hits Washington & Oregon
1923 1st flight of the autogiro (Juan de la Cierva, Madrid Spain)
1924 Ice cream cone rolling machine patented by Carl Taylor, Cleveland
1929 Seeing Eye Guide Dog Organization forms
1942 German & Italian troops occupy Benghazi
1943 New Zealand's Kiwi cruiser collides with Japanese sub 
   I-1 at Guadalcanal
1964 Unmanned Apollo 1 Saturn launcher test attains Earth orbit
1979 President Carter commuted Patricia Hearst's 7 year 
   sentence to 2 years
1980 6 Iranian held US hostages escape with help of the Canadians
1988 United Airlines Boeing 747SP, circles world in 36 hours 
1989 USSR's Phobos II enters Martian orbit
1991 Battle for Khafji in Saudi Arabia (begins)
1998 Thick Fog causes highway carnage in Belgium & Netherlands, 6 die
1998 Woman's Clinic in Birmingham AL bombed, 1 killed 
2013  smiled


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Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, January 28.

Thank you, John McC !
Thank you, Cookie !

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right. --- Albert Guinon
>Thanks to Dianne for this one: A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss." The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass." The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
President Calvin Coolidge, 30th U.S. president (1923 to 1929) was a man of very few words. One Sunday he went to church, but his wife, Grace, stayed home. When he returned, she asked, "Was the sermon good?" "Yup," was Coolidge's brief reply. "What was it about?" Grace asked. "Sin." "And what did the minister say?" "Seems to be against it."
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Russell Kent Gordon, 44, Portland, Oregon Jailed After Using Spy Pen To Record Woman Using Breast Pump Reported by The Weekly Vice Russell Kent Gordon, a 44-year-old Portland bonehead, was jailed after he allegedly hid a pen camera on a female co-worker's desk so he could record her using a breast pump. According to the Portland Police Department, Gordon reportedly entered a co-worker's office and hid a pen-style spy camera on her desk to capture recordings of her as she used a breast pump. The woman reportedly found the camera and turned it over to her supervisors. Gordon was fired January 15th after he was recorded placing the camera on the woman's desk. Gordon was booked into the Multnomah County Jail and charged with burglary and invasion of privacy. He was released on his own recognizance. Tech Support Pits From: Gary Re: Sound recorder Dear Webby Was reading the humour letter today and thought I'd send you a link for your readers. this is a great little - simple like falling off a log digital audio workstation (recording program). I have been using it for years and it's still free. It's also possibly the most stable and easiest program I have ever used. Just plug into the Aux In and away you go. They don't make it for Mac so I had to spend $700 on Pro Tools, LOL. If anyone needs, you can certainly give out my e-mail address and I can answer questions on how to get the most out of it… Cheers and have a great week, It is at http://www.kreatives.org/kristal/ Gary Dear Gary Thanks for that link! Now anybody, who can string a microphone into the shower, can easily produce better music, than what all the silly Hollywiood favorite screechers foist upon us. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Go Barefoot Whenever Possible I agree with all the comments that said to buy decent, well-fitting shoes instead of cheap ones but sometimes this is really not possible. Forty years back after buying the children properly fitting shoes, there was usually only enough money left for jumble sale shoes for me. My solution was to go barefoot whenever possible. It helps to control the damage done by second hand shoes that don't 'quite' fit! And when the kids grow up and living gets easier, oh, the pleasure of buying new shoes! By Marg from England Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

Chicken council says Super Bowl covered WASHINGTON (UPI) -- The National Chicken Council in Washington said rumors of a chicken wing shortage ahead of the Super Bowl are unfounded. Bill Roenigk, chief economist and market analyst for the National Chicken Council, said this week in the 2013 "Wing Report" that Super Bowl watchers shouldn't have too much trouble finding chicken wings to enjoy along with the Feb. 3 showdown between the San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Ravens, Tribune Newspapers reported Friday. "The good news for consumers is that restaurants plan well in advance to ensure they have plenty of wings for the big game," Roenigk wrote. However, Roenigk cautioned wing-lovers not to wait until the last minute. "If you're planning to cook your own wings, I wouldn't advise being in line at the supermarket two hours before kickoff," he wrote. The report said U.S. consumers are expected to eat 1.23 billion chicken wing "portions" during Super Bowl weekend. "To put that in perspective," the report said, if 1.23 billion wing segments were laid end to end, they would stretch from Candlestick Park in San Francisco to M&T Bank Stadium in Baltimore ... 27 times.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a goodnight story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek and his. Finally she spoke. "Grampa, did God make you?" "Yes, Lucy" he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh" she said, then "Grampa, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed Lucy" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago." "Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"
» Sweet Sachets


Today, Jan 28, in 
1099 1st Crusaders begin siege of Hosn-el-Akrad Syria
1393 Fire during Royal Ball at Paris, 4 die (Ball of the Ardents)
1495 Pope gives his son Cesare Borgia as hostage to 
   Charles VIII of France
1547 9-year-old Edward VI succeeds Henry VIII as king of England
1561 By Edict of Orleans persecution of French Huguenots is 
   suspended
1613 Galileo may have unknowingly viewed undiscovered planet Neptune
1807 London's Pall Mall is 1st street lit by gaslight
1846 Battle of Allwal, Brits beat Sikhs in Punjab (India)
1871 Paris surrenders to Prussians
1878 1st telephone exchange (New Haven CT)
1878 George W Coy hired as 1st full-time telephone operator
1909 US military forces leave Cuba for 2nd time
1916 German colony of Cameroon surrenders to Britain & France
1918 Bomb Strike on Berlin ammunitions factory
1918 Trotsky becomes leader of Reds
1932 Japan occupies Shanghai
1934 1st US ski tow (rope) begins operation (Woodstock VT)
1935 Iceland becomes 1st country to legalize abortion
1942 General Timoshenko's troops move into Ukraine
1942 German troops occupy Benghazi Libya
1944 683 British bombers attack Berlin
1944 U-271 & U-571 sunk off Ireland
1945 General "Vinegar Joe" Stillwell & truck convoy reopen 
   Burma Road to China
1945 Dutch airplanes dump pamphlets on Java
1945 Swedish ships bring food to starving Netherlands
1949 UN Security council condemns Dutch aggression in Indonesia
1958 Construction began on 1st private thorium-uranium 
   nuclear reactor
1960 1st photograph bounced off Moon, Washington DC
1986 25th Space Shuttle (51L)-Challenger 10 explodes 73 
   seconds after liftoff
1988 Canada's Supreme court declares anti-abortion law 
   unconstitutional
1998 Michelangelo's "Christ & the Woman of Samaria", sold for $7.4 million
2013  smiled


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Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, January 27.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric. --- Pam Brown "A new study says that obese people can lose weight if they walk 12 miles per week. As a result Applebee's is intro- ducing a new 12 mile long buffet." ---Conan O'Brien
Judge: "You say you're petitioning for a legal name change?" Leon: "Yes, your honor." Judge: (looking at petition) "I can see why, your nane is Mr... Leon Shitferbrains, is it?" Leon: "Yes, your honor." Judge: "And what do you want to change your name to, Mr. Shitferbrains?" Leon: " Melvin, your honor."
THESE ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS: Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle. When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Thanks to Jim for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Possible caption: "What bird-proof cap?" In our backyard Friday, AM (Central FL, east coast) I enjoy your humor letter immensely. Keep up the good work! Jim
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jennalin Garcia-Calle, 28, in Plainfield, NJ NJ Teacher Arrested In Florida For Sex With Underage Student Reported by Subscriber Sailor A New Jersey school teacher was arrested in Florida this week for allegedly having sex with her 16-year-old male student in NJ. 28-year-old Jennalin Garcia-Calle, who teaches algebra at Plainfield High School in NJ, is accused of starting a sexual relationship with her student in December, and prosecutors say at least three encounters occurred in her classroom. The student reportedly told a family member about the relationship, and they alerted the authorities. Friends say the student bragged to them about the relationship as well. Prosecutors say Garcia-Calle knew she was being investigated, and flew to Florida earlier this week. U.S. Marshalls caught up with her on Thursday and arrested her. She is expected to return to New Jersey this week, where she may be charged with second-degree sexual assault and fourth-degree child abuse. "She made calls to him to destroy certain evidence. And we knew that she knew” authorities were looking for her, Romankow told the Star Ledger. The school board has placed her on administrative suspension. Florida is obviously not far enough away to get away with it. Cuba or Panama were close, but a bit further than she went. Tech Support Pits From: Jessie Re: Tape to CD Dear Webby I get a lot of good tips from you. Thank you. Can you tell me if there is a way to record from a Cassette to a CD? I have an Iomega Super DVD/CD burner that I can record from my camcorder to, but haven't figured out the cassette. Thanks for any help. Jessie Dear Jessie Yes, sure there is a way. Connect a cable with male 1/8" headphone plugs on each end from the headphone socket on your tape player to the AUX-IN or the microphone socket on your computer, then record it with any sound recording software. The AUX-IN socket is the one that has neither a headphone nor a microphone symbol, but something weird and incomprehensible. Most sound cards come with some basic sound recording software, and you can find lots more with google. Windows Sound Recorder works quite fine too. Recording quality is the same. The difference between different recording software is usually in how easy or complicated it is to splice and edit. Almost all of them are either free or have a free trial period. Just try a bunch of them and find the one that suits you the best. Some of the not-free programs even have fancy scratch and static filters. Save the music in MP3 format, so that you can play it in Audio CD and MP3 players. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crib Mattress As Dog Bed If you're tired of having to replace your large dog's bed and spending a lot of money, I suggest you buy a baby crib mattress and a plastic zippered mattress cover. Put a crib sheet over it and you're set, clean up is a breeze and you'll never need another dog bed. By Gloria Z from Hoffman Estates, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

While waiting in line at a busy airport check-in counter, I noticed a set of rambunctious little boys in front of me. As the line inched along, their mother tried in vain to get them to calm down. Finally she reached the counter, where the ticket agent asked her, "Have any of the items you plan to take with you on this flight been out of your immediate control since your arrival at the airport?" The young mother replied honestly, "The luggage, no; the brats, yes."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Bible Brain Twister By John Kezer I once made a remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lulu, kept people looking so hard for facts, and for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the books are not capitalized, but the truth finally struck home to numbers of readers. To others, it was a real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you. Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a minister to find one of the 17, and there will be loud lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax now, for there really are the names of 17 books of the Bible in these sentences. See how many books of the bible you can find in the text above. Answer Below: Bible Brain Twister By [John] Kezer I once made a re[mark] about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lu[lu, ke]pt people loo [king s]o hard for f[acts], and for others it was a [revelation]. Some were in a [jam, es] pecially since the names of the books are not capitalized, but the t[ruth] finally struck home to [numbers] of readers. To others, it was a real [job]. We want it to be [a mos]t fascinating few moments for you. Y[es, ther]e will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require [judges] to help them. I will quickly admi[t it us]ually takes a minister to find one of the 17, and there will be loud [lamentations] when it is found. A little lady says s[he brews] a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can com [pete. R]elax now, for there really are the names of 17 books of the Bible in these sentences.
» Water Sculptures


Today, Jan 27, in 
1302 Dante becomes a Florentine political exile
1593 Vatican opens 7 year trial against scholar Giordano Bruno
1662 1st American lime kiln begins operation (Providence RI)
1671 Pirate Henry Morgen lands at Panama City
1870 Manitoba & Northwest Territories incorporated
1880 Thomas Edison patents electric incandescent lamp
1915 US Marines occupy Haiti
1916 Communist party "Spartacus Letters" 1st published in Berlin
1924 Lenin placed in Mausoleum in Red Square
1927 Harlem Globetrotters play their 1st game
1941 Peruvian agent Rivera-Schreibér warns of Japanese assault on 
  Pearl Harbor
1943 1st US air attack on Germany (Wilhelmshafen)
1944 Leningrad liberated from Germany in 880 days with 600,000 killed
1948 1st locomotive to carry 1,000,000 pounds (450,000 kg) operates
1948 1st tape recorder sold
1951 US begins 126 nuclear tests at Nevada Test Site
1953 Netherlands end Marshall aid
1965 1st ground station-to-aircraft radio communication via satellite
1967 Apollo 1 fire kills astronauts Grissom, White & Chaffee
1969 14 spies hung in Baghdad
1969 9 Jews publicly executed in Damascus Syria
1973 US & Vietnam sign cease-fire, ending longest US war & military draft
1976 Morocco-Algeria battles in Westerly Sahara
1977 President Carter pardons most Vietnam War draft evaders (10,000)
1992 Presidential candidate Bill Clinton (D) & Genifer Flowers accuse 
  each other of lying over her assertion they had a 12-year affair
1996 France performs nuclear test at Muruora Island
1998 Crane crashes into Roosevelt Is (New York City NY) Tram, injuring 10 
2013  smiled


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Code to make printer add date to page bottom 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, January 26.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead." ---Johnny Carson Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. --- Will Rogers
When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks. A student came in, and her eyes widened. "Wow!" she exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look, like, twenty years younger." I told her to put a dollar into the " 'Like' out of context" jar.
>From Dianne It was a warm spring morning, and my husband decided to come home from work early to paint our deck. Before I left the house, I located all the necessary supplies and wrote him a note: "I put the paint in the closet downstairs. The brush is on the garage shelf." When I returned that evening, nothing had been done. My husband had left this written explanation: "I found the paint and the brush. Couldn't find the deck. Went fishing."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Trishia Moody, 26, Knoxville, Tenn Leads Deputies On High Speed Chase, Rams Patrol Cars, All While Holding Beer Reported by The Weekly Vice Trishia Moody, a 26-year-old Tennessee drunk was jailed Monday after she allegedly led deputies on high speed chase that spanned two counties without dropping the beer that was in her hand. According to the Knox County Sheriff's Office, the chase began after a deputy saw Moody enter Ashville Highway via the exit ramp and drive north against the southbound lanes. When the deputy activated his lights to pull Moody over, she ignored the deputy and punched the gas. At some point in the chase, Moody slammed on her brakes, left the highway and attempted to flee down a side road. When she reached a dead end, she turned around and rammed her vehicle head-on into a deputy's patrol car as he attempted to box her in. Moody then entered Andrew Johnson Highway and drove into Jefferson County. When a deputy pulled alongside her, she slammed into his patrol car, forcing it from the road. A Jefferson County deputy who joined the chase performed a pit manuever on Moody's vehicle, bringing the chase to a sudden end. Deputies that approached the vehicle noticed that she had been holding a 16-ounce beer in her hand during the chase. She continued to hold the beer until deputies placed her into custody. Moody was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault, evading arrest, DUI, reckless endangerment and driving on a suspended license. Moody also had an outstanding warrant for her arrest. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Codes for date added by printer Dear Webby Good morning and I hope this finds you and yours well. A few weeks ago I had deleted the date/time that is printed at the bottom of pages from the printer. I need that date again, and can't figure out how to fix it. Thanks in advance. Keep up the great work! Chris Dear Chris I use &u &b &d in the footer field of the printer page set-up. &t &d prints the time and date. If you want the long date format, use a &D instead of &d If you want 24 hour time, use &T instead of &t &u adds the URL or file name to the footer. &b makes everything after the "&b" right aligned So, with my format, you get the URL or file name on the left, and the date in short format on the right. With some non-standard printers you try to accomplish the same by mousing around for a while, but most will recognize the standard code. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Switch Bottle Tops and Dispensers I get a really big bottle of hand soap out of Dollar General bubble bath, by using a Germ X large size bottle squirt top on the bubble bath bottle. By Robyn By robynfederspiel Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

The passenger sat in the backseat, clutching the door handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip. The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets,weaving in and out of traffic. The passenger watched as one pedestrian after another ran to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver. She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck. He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver!" the passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us both killed?" "Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm ok but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say," asked the nurse. "Sheeet!"
» 3D Virtual Tours:


Today, Jan 25, in 
0066 5th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet
1340 English king Edward III proclaimed king of France
1531 Lisbon hit by Earthquake; about 30,000 die
1748 England, Netherlands, Austria & Sardinia sign 
   anti-French treaty
1784 Ben Franklin expresses unhappiness over the eagle as 
   America's symbol, same as everybody else's.
1790 Mozart's opera "Cosi Fan Tutte" premieres in Vienna
1838 Tennessee becomes 1st state to prohibit alcohol
1841 Hong Kong proclaimed a sovereign territory of Britain
1862 Lincoln issues General War Order #1, calling for a 
   Union offensive McClellan ignores order
1863 War Department authorizes Massachusetts Governor to recruit black troops
1870 Virginia rejoins the US
1871 US income tax repealed
1875 Electric dental drill is patented by George F Green
1886 Karl Benz patents 1st auto with gasoline burning motor
1905 World's largest diamond, the 3,106-carat Cullinan, is found in South Africa
1911 Richard Strauss's opera "Rosenkavalier" premieres, Dresden
1913 Jim Thorpe relinquishes his 1912 Olympic medals for being a pro
1914 Vatican puts Belgian Nobel winner Maeterlinck's works 
   in their index (you get excommunicated for reading books 
   that are on the index)
1918 US food administrator Hoover calls for "wheatless" & 
   "meatless" days for war effort
1920 Amadeo Modigliani's mistress jumps out of a window
1930 Cleveland's Terminal Tower opens (52 stories)
1931 Hungary-Austria sign peace treaty
1939 Franco conquers Barcelona
1940 Nazis forbid Polish Jews to travel on trains
1942 1st US force in Europe during WWII goes ashore in Northern Ireland
1950 India becomes a republic ceasing to be a British dominion
1957 India annexes Kashmir
1962 US launches Ranger 3, misses Moon by 22,000-mile (37,000-km)
1962 Bishop Burke of Buffalo Catholic dioceses declares 
  Chubby Checker's "Twist" is impure & bans it from all 
  Catholic schools
1962 Canadian Marine Service renamed Coast Guard
1965 South Vietnam military coup under General Nguyen Khanh
1968 Israeli submarine Dakar crashes in Mediterranean Sea, 69 die
1972 Stewardess Vesna Vulovic survives 10,160m fall without parachute
1979 "The Dukes of Hazzard" premieres on CBS
1980 175,000 pay to hear Frank Sinatra sing in Rio de Janeiro!
1980 Israel & Egypt establish diplomatic relations
1985 Edmonton Oiler Wayne Gretzky scores 50th goal in 49th game of season
1998 Intel launches 333 MHz Pentium II chip
1998 President Clinton says "I want to say one thing to the 
  American people, I did not have sexual relations with that 
  woman, Miss Lewinsky"
2013  smiled


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Today is Friday, January 25.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!




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DearWebby


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All that is necessary for the forces of evil to take root in the world is for enough good men to do nothing. --- Edmund Burke
After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank goodness," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
>From Nan My husband seems to feel one should get their money's worth on vacation. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to frolic every minute or not. But once when I was sitting in a beach chair on the sand, he came out of the surf and said, "This is costing us $300 a day - and you sit there reading a book!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Bryan Wendler, 30, Marathon County, Wisconsin Wearing "Breathalyzer" T-Shirt while Arrested Sixth Time For Drunk Driving Reported by The Weekly Vice The 30-year-old drunk was arrested early Saturday morning for drunk driving after he was found passed out at the wheel of a Chevrolet Cavalier that was parked with its engine running in the middle of a Wisconsin road. Wendler, who reeked of intoxicants, failed a series of field sobriety tests and appeared “dazed and confused,” according to a Marathon County Sheriff’s Department report, which noted that a deputy spotted an unopened six-pack of beer on the vehicle’s passenger seat. A breath sample recorded Wendler’s blood alcohol content as .19, more than twice the legal limit. As a result, he was charged with operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated- -the sixth time he has been busted for drunk driving. Wendler’s extensive DWI history, of course, makes his t-shirt choice a strange one. Along with the DWI count, Wendler, who is locked up in the county jail, faces a probation violation rap and a driving with a revoked license charge. He is scheduled for a preliminary hearing on January 30. Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: Multiple Spam Controls Dear Webby First, kudos to your forever refreshing Humor Letter. Your willingness to help with technical advice is more valuable than you can imagine to folks who need help and don't know where where to turn. I see many people raving about Mail Washer. I have Norton installed on my computer, which already has a spam filter. Can I use them both without any problem? Thanks, Webby! You're the best! Helen Dear Helen It's best to use just one spam control program at a time. As long as Norton takes care of the spam well enough, use that. When it gets overwhelmed and can't quite cope with it any more, then turn it's spam control off and get MailWasher. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rubber Glove Finger To Protect Bandages I cut my finger at work the other day and when we finally got it bandaged I wanted it protected from germs. I am in Nursing so we come in contact with lots of germs every day and I wash my hands multiple times. I got a rubber glove, cut off one finger of it and fit it over my bandaged finger. I then put tape all the way around the bottom of it to keep water and germs from getting in it. This works great for me but I do not recommend you keep it on more than 8 hours at a time. I changed mine when I got home and just left the band-aid on it. You don't want it to get infected and the best thing for a cut is air. So if you find yourself in a germ infested environment and need to protect a cut or wound that a glove finger will cover I highly recommend using my method. Years ago they had "finger cots" that served the same purpose. They are hard to find today. By Gem from VA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during your lunch hour, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're drunk, than to realize that you're stupid.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked gently on the door. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked politely. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I just have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?"
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Today, Jan 25, in 
1327 King Edward III accedes to British throne
1348 Earthquake destroys Villach, Austria, killing 5,000
1533 England's King Henry VIII marries Anne Boleyn
1721 Czar Peter the Great ends Russian-orthodox patriarchy
1775 Americans drag cannon up hill to fight British 
   (Gun Hill Road, Bronx)
1799 1st US patent for a seeding machine, Eliakim Spooner
1802 Napoleon elected President of the Italian 
   (Cisalpine) Republic
1856 Battle of Seattle; skirmish between settlers & Indians
1870 Soda fountain patented by Gustavus Dows
1875 Anti-slavery society formed in NY
1918 Russia declared a republic of Soviets
1946 Richard Strauss' "Metamorphosis" premieres in Zurich
1950 73ºF (23ºC) highest temperature ever recorded in 
   Cleveland in January
1951 UN begins counter offensive in Korea
1955 Russia ends state of war with Germany
1955 US & Panamá sign canal treaty
1971 Military coup in Uganda under General Idi Amin Dada
1974 South African surgeon Christiaan Barnard transplanted the 
first human heart without removal of the old one
1981 52 Americans held hostage by Iran for 444 days arrived back in US
1981 Mao's widow Jiang Qing sentenced to death
1990 Former Panamanian leader Manuel Noriega is transferred to a Miami jail
1991 Manuel Noriega is given access to assets frozen by US government
1985 "We are the World" is recorded 
2013  smiled


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