Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, February 4

Thank you, Paul!!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Utah career criminal arrested after he 
assaulted cop


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, February 4 in
1783 Britain declared a formal cessation of hostilities 
with its former colonies, the United States of America. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
The author of the Iliad is either Homer or, if not Homer, 
somebody else of the same name.
--- Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963) 

There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste.
--- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832)

What can you say about a society that says that
God is dead and Elvis is alive?
--- Irv Kupcinet
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Phil in England for these requests from tenants:

"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until
it is cleared."

"I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and
burnt my knob off."

"This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the
man next door."

"The toilet seat is cracked.  Where do I stand?"

"I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from
the wall."

"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."

"The person next door has a large erection in his backyard,
which is unsightly and dangerous."

"Will you please send someone to repair our cracked sidewalk?
Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."

"Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and
would like to have a third, so will you please send someone
to do something about it."

"Could you please send someone to fix the faucet in our
bathtub?  My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very
uncomfortable for us."

"I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every
morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting to be too
much."

"When the workmen were here, they put their tools in my wife's
new drawers and made a real mess.  Please send men with
clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."
______________________________________________________

One day a mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to
earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he
starts to draw a crowd, the zoo keeper grabs him and
drags him into his office.

The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most
popular attraction, a gorilla, died suddenly and the
keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.
He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla
until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning before the crowd arrives the mime
puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He
discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he
wants, play and make fun of people and he draws larger
crowds than he ever did as a mime on the street.

However, eventually the crowd tires of him and he tires
of just swinging on auto tires. He notices that the
people are paying more attention to the lion in the
next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his
audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls
across a partition, and dangles from the top of the
lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious,
but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo
keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such
a good attraction.

Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps
taunting the lion, the crowd grows larger, and his
salary keeps going up.

Then one day when he is dangling over the top of the
lion's cage, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.
The lion raises himself up and prepares to pounce. The
mime is so scared that he begins to run around the cage
with the lion in hot pursuit.

Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help!
Help me!"

The lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds
himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion.

The lion growls, "Shut up, you idiot or we'll both lose
our jobs!"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




Toucan
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Thanks to Sheila for this story from Down-Under:

All I wanted to do was advertise my lawnmower for sale.
You'd think that would be quite straightforward.
But noooooo, not with The Australian.

"Can I take your ad?" the cheerful typist answered when
I called the hotline.

"Ah, yes, I want to sell my lawnmower," I said.

"In the Wanted to Sell section?  Certainly, sir.   What do
you want to say?" she said. fingers obviously ready at
her keyboard.

"Um, what about "Lawnmower for sale, and then my phone
number?" I said.  I sensed her apprehension and I heard
no typing.

"Too much information?"  I asked.

"No, er, sir...actually, you need probably a few more details
to attract prospective buyers," she said.  "Concentrate on
some of the selling points"

"Like what?"  I asked.

"Well, sir, perhaps you could say what kind of a lawnmower
it is."

"It's an orange one, or at least it was when I bought it
nine years ago.  You can still see some bits of orange though
between the caked-up dry grass."

"No, I'm not sure the color, or even the color it used to
be, is all that relevant," she said.  "How about telling me
what make of lawnmower it is?"

"I dunno," I said.   "There use to be a model number on the
side.  I know they don't make them anymore.  It's probably
still there under all the dried crud, but I can't see it."

"Um, let's see," she said.  "Maybe you can tell me if it is a
two-stroke or a four-stroke engine.  Prospective buyers
probably would want to know that.

"It's neither," I said.  "It used to be electric."

"Used to be?  How do you mean sir?" she asked.

"I think the engine is shot," I said.  "All it does now is go
rrrrrrrrrr and blows one of the house fuses."

"Oh, that doesn't sound very good," she said.

"I know," I said.  "I took it to the repair shop, and they
said it would cost just as much to fix it as to buy a new
one.  Thast's why I want to sell it."

"I see," she said.  "Perhaps a handyman will buy it and
do it up more cheaply than the repair shop can."

"Yeah, that`s what I reckoned," I said.  "I just hope they
can fix the wheels too though."

"The wheels?" the typist said.  "What's wrong with the
wheels?"

"Nothing," I said.  "They're nearly as good as the day I
bought the lawnmower.  Good tires and they go round
and round and round, no worries."

"But you said you hoped the buyer could fix them?" she said.

"Yeah well, they keep falling off, that's all," I said.
"They're good wheels though.  If someone fixed them on really
tight, they go round and round and round, no worries.  Unless
of course, the engine is burnt out.  The the wheels just seem
to sit there doing bugger-all as the lawnmower goes rrrrrrrrr
and blows a house fuse.  That's not the end of the world though,
unless you don't happen to twig what's happening and
great-uncle Isaac, whose head you are cryogenically storing
in the freezer, begins to thaw out.
Could be worse though.  The lawnmower engine could suddenly
start, unexpectedly, roar into life and you could accidentally run
over the power cord and electrocute yourself and short the power
circuit at the same time.
Then your wife would really have some mess to clean up."

"I see," said the typist.  "And....er....how much do you want to ask
for it?"

"As much as I can get, or the nearest offer," I said.  How
much will this ad cost me?  I better factor that in."

"Ten dollars a line," she said.

"So, what do you reckon I should say in the ad?"  I asked,
hoping to get some expert advice.

"Oh dear, let's see," she said.   She coughed.  It sounded
a bit like a surpressed laughter.  "How about just...
"Lawnmower for sale"
and your phone number?"
_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Paul Douglas Anderson, 40,
Spanish Fork,
Utah

Utah career criminal arrested after he 
assaulted cop

A Spanish Fork man was arrested after police say he attacked a police
officer, prompting a brief lockdown of nearby businesses and an
elementary school while other officers searched for him Friday
afternoon.

Springville police said Paul Douglas Anderson, 40, was arrested on
suspicion of assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest, theft,
burglary and failing to stop at an officer's command. He was booked
into Utah County Jail.

Meanwhile, the officer was being treated for an orbital eye socket
fracture and facial lacerations at a hospital Friday evening.

The incident began when an officer responded to a report of a man
acting suspiciously near 700 S. Main St. shortly before 2 p.m.,
according to Springville Police Chief Scott Finlayson in a statement.

The officer spotted the man, identified as Anderson, in a Tabitha's
Way Local Food Pantry donation box with his feet dangling out. When
the officer approached Anderson, the man got out of the donation box
and put his hands in his pockets, Finlayson said.

When the officer told him to get his hands out of pockets, he refused
to comply before attacking the officer, punching him in the face
"repeatedly," according to Finlayson.

As Anderson was attacking the officer, a good Samaritan driving by
stopped and intervened by pulling out a gun and ordering Anderson to
stop, Finlayson said. Anderson then fled on foot.

Anderson was taken into custody about 30 minutes later after officers
set up a perimeter in the area. Finlayson said a witness saw the man
hiding under a flatbed trailer across the street where the attack
occurred.

He was taken into custody without further incident.
Court records show Anderson has a lengthy criminal history in the
state of Utah.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Sandra
Re: BreastCancer Site
Dear Webby,
Please send to someone. It is Important!!!!

A favor to ask, it only takes a minute... A SIMPLE
CLICK ONCE  A DAY!

Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The BreastCancer
site is having trouble getting enough people
to click on their site daily to meet their quota of
donating at least one free mammogram a day to an
underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute
to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram"
for free (pink window in the middle).

This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate
sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to
donate mammogram in exchange for advertising.

Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/
AGAIN, PLEASE TELL 10 FRIENDS TO TELL
10 MORE FRIENDS TODAY,
Sandra

Dear Sandra
I have had a link to the breastcancer site in the side menu
since the 90`s. Just scroll down until you see two cute girls 
smiling at you. Pounce on any part of them with your mouse, 
and you will wind up at the Breastcancer site.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Are church bulletin board bloopers intentional, to start
at least SOME form of communication?
Sometimes I wonder.

Sermon Outline:
I.  Delineate your fear
II. Disown your fear
III. Displace your rear

Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch.  If you
would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a
check and drip in the collection basket.

Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club.

Women's Luncheon:
Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the
medication.

Karen's beautiful solo: "It is Well With My Solo."

Congratulations to Tim and Ronda on the birth of their
daughter October 12 thru 17.

If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do
so quietly.

We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up
the grounds around the church building and the rector.

Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford."

Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized
on the table in the foyer.

Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because
of their weight.

Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the
information sheep.

The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of
St. Mary's Cathedral.

The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the
church bored.

As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have
a goof outing.

Fifth Sinday is Lent.  Thank you, dead friends.

Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.

Lent is a period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.
For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing
even to the divident asunder of soup and spirit.

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.

Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas.

The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working.

Volunteers are needed to spit up food.

Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess

We pray that our people will jumble themselves.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A woman called Mount Sinai Hospital. She said, "Mount Sinai
Hospital? Hello. Darling, I'd like to talk with the person
who gives the information about the patients. But I don't
want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected,
or worse, I want all the information from top to bottom."

The voice on the other end of the line said, "Finkel...Finkel,
Let me see... Feinberg, Farber -- Finkel. Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel
is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her
doctor says if she continues improving he is going to send
her home Tuesday."

The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! She's going home
on Tuesday. I'm so happy to hear that. That's wonderful news."

The guy on the other end said, "From your enthusiasm, I take
it you must be one of the close family."

She said, "What close family? I'm Sarah Finkel! My doctor
tells me nothing!"
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Your Spouse and Your Credit Score
Keep in mind that your credit report may be tied to your
spouse's. If your spouse has bad credit habits, it could
effect your credit as well. Even a divorce will not
necessarily eliminate negative marks against your credit
since you may be held accountable for any joint accounts
and shared debt.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________


Two hunters were in a lodge, making small talk. One of them
asked the other "So, what do you hunt?"

He answered "I hunt unicorns."

The first hunter was startled, but said "Really? How do
you do that?"

The other answered "I find a virgin and hire her to help me.
The virgin sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes
to her. When it does, it sets off a snare."

The first hunter said  "Boy, they must be hard to find. I've
heard of them, but I've never seen one."

The second hunter said "Yeah, and there aren't many
unicorns around, either!"



 
Things found on the internet.

Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when she got a
phone call.  This woman said, "How much is a ticket?"

Jill said, "Nine dollars per seat."

She asked, "How much for children?"

Jill said, "Same price, nine dollars per seat."

She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children."

Jill said, "Fine. Put the kids on a plane,
and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more
that way."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, February 4, in
1783 Britain declared a formal cessation of hostilities with its
former colonies, the United States of America. 

1789 Electors unanimously chose George Washington to be the first
president of the United States. 

1824 J.W. Goodrich introduced rubber galoshes to the public. 

1847 In Maryland, the first U.S. Telegraph Company was established. 

1861 Delegates from six southern states met in Montgomery, AL, to form
the Confederate States of America. 

1904 The Russo-Japanese War began after Japan laid siege to Port
Arthur. 

1913 Louis Perlman received a patent for his demountable tire-carrying
rims. 

1932 The first Winter Olympics were held in the United States at Lake
Placid, NY. 

1936 Radium E. became the first radioactive substance to be produced
synthetically. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British
Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet leader Josef Stalin began
a conference at Yalta to outline plans for Germany's defeat. 

1948 Ceylon gained independence within the British Commonwealth. The
country later became known as Sri Lanka. 

1957 Smith-Corona Manufacturing Inc., of New York, began selling
portable electric typewriters. The first machine weighed 19 pounds. 

1968 The world's largest hovercraft was launched at Cowes, Isle of
Wight. 

1973 The Reshef was unveiled as Israel's missile boat. 

1974 Patricia (Patty) Hearst was kidnapped in Berkeley, CA, by the
Symbionese Liberation Army. 

1976 An earthquake in Guatemala and Honduras killed more than 22,000
people. 

1985 U.S. President Ronald Reagan's defense budget called for a
tripling of the expenditure on the "Star Wars" research program. 

1993 Russian scientists unfurled a giant mirror in orbit and flashed a
beam of sunlight across Europe during the night. Observers saw it only
as a momentary flash. 

1997 A civil jury in California found O.J. Simpson liable in the death
of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Goldman's parents
were awarded $8.5 million in compensatory damages. 

1997 Two Israeli troop-carrying helicopters collided on their way to
Lebanon, all 73 soldiers and airmen aboard were killed. 

1997 President Milosevic of Serbia apparently surrendered to the will
of his people, ordering his government to recognize opposition
victories in local elections held in November 1996. 

1997 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 600th National
Hockey League (NHL) goal during his 719th game. Lemieux reached the
milestone second fastest in history. Gretzky had reached the plateau
during his 718th game. 

1998 In northeast Afghanistan, at least 5,000	people were killed in an
earthquake that measured 6.1 on the Richter Scale. 

1999 Warplanes from Israel attacked south Lebanon just after rockets
were fired toward Israel. No casualies were claimed on either side. 

1999 Amadou Diallo, an unarmed West African immigrant, was shot and
killed in front of his Bronx home by four plainclothes New York City
police officers. The officers had been conducting a nighttime search
for a rape suspect. 

2000 Austrian President Thomas Klestil swore in a coalition government
that included Joerg Haider's far-right Freedom Party. European Union
sanctions were a result of the action. 

2003 Yugoslavia was formally dissolved by lawmakers. The country was
replaced with a loose union of its remaining two republics, Serbia and
Montenegro. 

2004 The social networking website Facebook.com was launched. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

When you have too much spam 

Saturday, February 3, 2018, 08:39 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, February 3

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Bank robber forgot his keys, 
then the stolen money bag ripped


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, February 3 in
1690 The first paper money in America was issued by the Massachusetts
colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers that were fighting in
the war against Quebec. If they were killed, no real money was lost.
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
To predict the behavior of ordinary people in advance, you only have
to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation
with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl
approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?"

He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"

The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts."

"Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy.
"I have no idea what that means."

The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband."
______________________________________________________

After many years, a young Talmud student who had left the
old country for America returns to visit the family.

"But...where is your beard?" asks his mother upon seeing him.

"Mama," he replies, "In America, nobody wears a beard."

"But at least your keep the Sabbath," mama asks.

"Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works
on the Sabbath."

"But only kosher food you still eat?", asks mama.

"Mama, in America, it is very difficult to keep kosher."

The old lady ponders this information and then leans over
and whispers in his ear, "Isaac, tell me, are you still
circumcised?"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where chicken
little tried to warn the farmer.

She read, "...And so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and
said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
farmer said?"

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I think he said - "Holy Cow!
A talking chicken!"
_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

David Hamson, 39,
Salt Lake City,
Utah

Bank robber forgot his keys, 
then the stolen money bag ripped

 Things didn't go exactly as planned for an alleged bank robber in
Taylorsville Thursday.

Just before 5:30 p.m., a man entered America First Credit Union, 2715
W. 5400 South, claimed to have a gun and demanded money from two
tellers, said Unified Police Lt. Brian Lohrke.

After the man received an undisclosed amount of cash in a bag, he ran
out to his car, which was stolen. But when he got there, he realized
he had left the keys on the counter inside the bank, Lohrke said.

The man then attempted to run off, but his money bag snagged on
something and ripped. Money then started flying out of his bag, Lohrke
said. Witnesses saw the man running and directed police officers to
where he was last spotted.

Police arrested David Hamson, 39, a short time later in a neighborhood
just west of the bank. Lohrke said a "good portion" of the money was
recovered, but investigators believe some of the money went down a
storm drain.

Hamson was booked into the Salt Lake County Jail for investigation of
aggravated robbery. He is also "a known suspect in bank robberies
which have occurred in West Valley City and Salt Lake City," according
to a jail report, and has several outstanding warrants.

Hamson has an extensive criminal background, according to court and
jail documents.

"David fled from South Salt Lake Police Department on (Wednesday).
David caused a traffic accident while fleeing and was not taken into
custody," the report states.

He was also booked into jail on Jan. 3 for investigation of having a
stolen vehicle, drug distribution, drug possession and theft. In that
incident, Hamson was spotted in a stolen vehicle in the parking lot of
Wal-Mart, 5469 S. Redwood Road, with a meth pipe and stolen checks
taken from another stolen vehicle, according to a jail report. He was
charged in 3rd District Court with three felonies for that case on
Jan. 9 and a warrant was issued for his arrest.

Hamson's extensive criminal history includes multiple cases of theft,
robbery, assault and drug-related crimes, according to court records.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Malcolm
Re: Too much spam
Dear Webby,
I can't keep up with my work because of all the spam I get.
And no, I can't change the company email addresses.
How good is that mailwasher that you keep mentioning?
I want your honest opinion of it.
Malcolm

Dear Malcolm
The reason I have the link for Mailwasher in the full version
of the Humor Letter is because I highly recommend it.

It reduces the 2000+ pieces of mail I get every day to the
200 that I need to see and answer. It washes the mail on
the server, without wasting time to download more than the
headers.

It's easy to use, and rock solid. I set it to check the mail
every 5 minutes. It downloads the headers and sorts and
color codes the list. I glance over it to check for false
positives, then hit F6. That causes it to dump the spam and
open Eudora for downloading the legitimate mail.

Unfortunately it does not have a feature for nuking the
spammers, but other than that, it has everything a
professinal grade spam control program should have.

If the version of the Humor Letter that you are subscribed
to doesn't have a button to get it, browse to
http://webby.com/mailwasher
http://webby.com/mailwasher

Testdrive the free trial version, and if you like it, buy it
a month later. I have recommended MailWasher for about 18 and have
heard only good things about it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



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No need to re-install them. 
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A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded
skunk on the side of the road.
They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the
car.

She says, "Look, its shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?"

He says, "Put it between your legs."

She says, "What about the smell?"

He says, "Awww, just hold its nose."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




From a passenger ship, everyone can see a thin bearded man
on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands.

"Who is it on that island?" a passenger asks the captain.

"I have no idea..... but every year when we pass, he goes nuts...."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Don't Apply For Credit Too Often
Don't apply for credit if you think you will be denied.
Don't try to apply for credit cards too frequently.
Submitting too many credit applications in a short
period of time can lower your credit score and make
it more difficult to get credit when you really need it.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________


Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving, Late
Sunday evening he was found in tree by a farmer.

"What happened?" said the farmer.

Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open,

"Well," said the farmer, "if you had of asked the locals before you
jumped, they would have told you nothing opens here on a Sunday."



 
And these are coming back?  Oh I hope not!


Robert went to see his doctor. He wasn't feeling
well at all. He felt tired, run down, and generally
suffering from exhaustion.

"My diagnosis is simply that you are worn out," said
the doctor. "I believe you've been playing too much golf."

"Too much golf," exclaimed Robert. "What can I do?"

"You need to take some time off and relax," said the
doctor. "My advice to you is to spend some time at the office."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, February 3, in
1488 The Portuguese navigator Bartholomeu Diaz landed at Mossal Bay in
the Cape, the first European known to have landed on the southern
extremity of Africa. 

1690 The first paper money in America was issued by the Massachusetts
colony. The currency was used to pay soldiers that were fighting in
the war against Quebec. If they were killed, no real money was lost.

1783 Spain recognized the independence of the United States. 

1815 The world's first commercial cheese factory was established in
Switzerland. 

1862 Thomas Edison printed the "Weekly Herald" and distributed it to
train passengers traveling between Port Huron and Detroit, MI. It was
the first time a newspaper had been printed on a train. 

1869 Edwin Booth opened his new theatre in New York City. The first
production was "Romeo and Juliet". 

1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It
authorized the power to impose and collect income tax. 

1916 In Ottawa, Canada's original parliament buildings burned down. 

1917 The U.S. broke off diplomatic relations with Germany, which had
announced a policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. 

1918 The Twin Peaks Tunnel began service. It is the longest streetcar
tunnel in the world at 11,920 feet. 

1941 In Vichy, France, the Nazis used force to restore Pierre Laval to
office. 

1945 Russia agreed to enter World War II against Japan when it became
obvious, that the US was winning and Tokyo was being bombed daily. 

1951 Dick Button won the U.S. figure skating title for the sixth time.


1966 The first rocket-assisted controlled landing on the Moon was made
by the Soviet space vehicle Luna IX. 

1972 The first Winter Olympics in Asia were held at Sapporo, Japan. 

1984 Challenger 4 was launched as the tenth space shuttle mission. 

1998 In Italy, a U.S. Military plane hit a cable causing the death of
20 skiers on a lift. 

2009 Eric Holder was sworn in as attorney general. He was the first
African-American to hold the post. 

2010 The Alberto Giacometti sculpture L'Homme qui marche sold for
$103.7 million. 

2015 The British House of Commons voted to approve letting scientist
create babies from the DNA of three people. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

PayPal split payments 

Friday, February 2, 2018, 11:49 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, February 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
English woman was raped at gunpoint by men in 
‘twisted tag team’ in front of her dad


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, February 2 in
1536 The Argentine city of Buenos Aires was founded by 
Pedro de Mendoza of Spain. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
I don't really trust a sane person.
--- Lyle Alzado (1949 - 1992) 

Getting caught is the mother of invention.
--- Robert Byrne 

One forgives to the degree that one loves.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

It's not the years in your life but the life in your years 
that counts.
--- Adlai Stevenson-Nightingale
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Lilly for this story:

I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals.
I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or
"Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and
Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."

However, I used to get very frustrated when I asked my
husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked
for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with
what he really likes.

If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of
labels. You'll find dinners with neat, legible tags that say:
"Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care,"
"Something Good," or "Food."

My frustration is reduced because no matter what my
husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner,
I know that it will be there waiting.
______________________________________________________

A man had a terrible accident. His manhood was mangled and
torn from his body. The doctor reassured him that modern
medicine made it possible for his manhood to be rebuilt, but
insurance didn't cover the expense. It was considered
cosmetic. He had three choices - small for $3,500; medium
for $6,500 and large for $14,000.

The man was sure he'd want a medium or large. The doctor
suggested that he discuss it with his wife privately before
a final decision was made.

The doctor left the room and while he was gone the man
called his wife and told her their options.

The doctor returned and found the man looking very sad. "Did
you make a decision?" the doctor asked.

"Yes," said the man. "She'd rather remodel the kitchen!"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

The teacher asked little Johnny,
"Can you name four shooting stars?"

Little Johnny said, "I sure can.  Wyatt Earp,
Annie Oakley, Buffalo Bill, and John Wayne."
_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Aquib Ahmed, 18,
Sheffield,
England

Woman was raped at gunpoint by men in 
‘twisted tag team’ in front of her dad

An 18-year-old man who repeatedly raped a young woman at gunpoint has
been jailed for 20 years. Police said Aquib Ahmed and a 16-year-old
boy, who cannot be named for legal reasons, operated as a ‘twisted tag
team’ as they subjected the woman, who is in her 20s, to ‘a
disgusting, heartless attack’. The pair broke into a house in the Fir
Vale area of Sheffield in March last year looking for drugs and
threatening the man and his daughter inside, South Yorkshire Police
said. Hunt for cyclist who sexually assaults women while riding past
them But they realised they had targeted the wrong house as the
occupants had no criminal or drugs connections. The pair returned
three days later when they subjected the young woman to ‘a disgusting,
heartless attack’. Detective Constable David Devey said: ‘They
returned to the house, purely for their own sexual gratification,
where they threatened the man and his daughter at gunpoint before they
each raped the young woman repeatedly.

‘Ahmed told the man and his daughter he’d kill them both if they
reported what happened to police.’ Temporary Detective Inspector Anna
Sedgwick who led the investigation, said: ‘The victims quite rightly
viewed their home as a safe place, where they could relax and spend
time with each other.

Police confirmed that Ahmed, of Barnsley Road, Fir Vale, Sheffield was
jailed for 20 years on Wednesday after pleading guilty to two counts
of rape and possession of a firearm with intent to cause fear of
violence at an earlier hearing. The 16-year-old boy was jailed for six
years after pleading guilty to the same offences.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Ellen
Re: PayPal split payment
Dear Webby,
Can I split an invoice into two separae PayPal payments,
one to me and one to my partner, by putting another
PayPal button onto the Thank-You page?
Ellen

Dear Ellen
Technically you could do that. But when PayPal catches you,
then you and your partner will suddenly, without any warning,
have no more PayPal accounts, and extreme difficulty getting
new ones.

PayPal is very easy to get along with, as long as you follow
the rules. Their rules are quite clear about that:
No split payments.

I don't know their exact reasoning for that rule, but I have
a hunch they were told by the IRS to be strict about that.
That means, YOU have to report the income for the whole
amount, file a W9 for your partner, and report paying your
partner.

You can do it with two totally separate invoices, with
absolutely no detectable link between them.

For the same legal reason, you also can not collect for somebody else.

You have to collect for a company, and then let the company pay your
partner. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.



A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman.  "And what do
you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.

"No peer pressure" she responded.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband,
"Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?"

"I didn't even see her," admitted Mr. Peterson.

"And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing," continued Mrs.
Peterson, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper
costume for a mother of two."

"I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Peterson.

"Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Peterson.
"A lot of good it does YOU to go to church."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Debt Consolidation Warning
Debt consolidation can offer a great opportunity for people
that have amassed large amounts of credit card debt at
unfavorable interest rates. You can get lower, more
manageable monthly payments and reduce the number of
bills you have to pay each month. The problem many people
have is that they then start using their newly paid off credit
cards again and end up with even more debt. If you don't
change your spending habits, debt consolidation merely
enables you to get further in debt.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

Dave went on a business trip for a few days.  When he
returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him.
"She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return,"
she said.

"What an example of true love," Dave replied.  "I wonder if
you'd be that concerned about me?"

"Honey," she answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I
didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for
you at the front door."



 

Oh, wouldn't this be nice!

Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a
Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son
in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony
and order him to report on all the neighborhood
activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their
plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from
the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove
by." A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called
out, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are
having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?"
the startled father asked.

"Johnny Cooper is standing out on the balcony too," his
son replied.
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, February 2, in
1536 The Argentine city of Buenos Aires was founded by Pedro de
Mendoza of Spain. 

1653 New Amsterdam, now known as New York City, was incorporated. 

1848 The Mexican War was ended with the signing of the Treaty of
Guadalupe Hidalgo. The treaty turned over portions of land to the
U.S., including Texas, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, California
and parts of Colorado and Wyoming. The U.S. gave Mexico $15,000,000
and assumed responsibility of all claims against Mexico by American
citizens. Texas had already entered the U.S. on December 29, 1845. 

1848 The first shipload of Chinese imemigrants arrived in San
Francisco, CA. 

1863 Samuel Langhorne Clemens used a pseudonym for the first time. He
is better remembered by the pseudonym which is Mark Twain. 

1878 Greece declared war on Turkey. 

1880 The S.S. Strathleven arrived in London with the first successful
shipment of frozen mutton from Australia. 

1887 The beginning of Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, PA. 

1892 William Painter patented the bottle cap. 

1893 The Edison Studio in West Orange, NJ, made history when they
filmed the first motion picture close-up. The studio was owned and
operated by Thomas Edison. 

1913 Grand Central Terminal officially opened at 12:01 a.m. Even
though construction was not entirely complete more than 150,000 people
visited the new terminal on its opening day. 

1935 Leonard Keeler conducted the first test of the polygraph machine,
in Portage, WI. 

1943 During World War II, the remainder of Nazi forces from the Battle
of Stalingrad surrendered to the Soviets. Stalingrad has since been
renamed Volgograd. 

1945 U.S. President Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston
Churchill left for a summit in Yalta with Soviet leader Josef Stalin. 

1946 The first Buck Rogers automatic pistol was made. 

1946 The Mutual Broadcasting System aired "Twenty Questions" for the
first time on radio. The show moved to television 3 years later. 

1962 The 8th and 9th planets aligned for the first time in 400 years. 

1971 Idi Amin assumed power in Uganda after a coup that ousted
President Milton Obote. 

1980 The situation known as "Abscam" began when reports surfaced that
the FBI had conducted a sting operation that targeted members of the
U.S. Congress. Phony Arab businessmen were used in the operation. 

1989 The final Russian armored column left Kabul, Afghanistan, after
nine years of military occupation. 

1990 South African President F.W. de Klerk lifted a ban on the African
National Congress and promised to free Nelson Mandela.

1998 U.S. President Clinton introduced the first balanced budget in 30
years. 

1999 19 people were killed at Luanda international airport when a
cargo plane crashed just after takeoff. 

1999 Hugo Chávez Frías took office. He had been elected president of
Venezuela in December 1998. 

2004 It was reported that a white powder had been found in an office
of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. The CDC (Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention) later confirmed that the powder was the poison
ricin.

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Spreadsheet to web page 

Thursday, February 1, 2018, 11:20 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, February 1


You can sleep in tomorrow.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Escaped Texas inmate arrested running back 
to jail with bag of booze, food


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, February 1 in
1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat. 
1900 Eastman Kodak Co. introduced the $1 Brownie box camera. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Some people never go crazy. 
What truly horrible lives they must lead.
--- Charles Bukowski (1920 - 1994)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Hilde for this story:
The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me
with questions  about my newly pierced ears.  "Does the hole
go all the way through?"
 "Yes."
"Did it hurt?"
"Just a little."
"Did they stick a needle through your ears?"
"No, they used a special gun."
Silence followed,
and then one solemn voice called out,
"How far away did they stand?"
And Bubba asked: "Did they get both ears with one shot?"
______________________________________________________

During my surgical residency I was called out of a sound sleep
to the emergency room.  Unshaven and with tousled hair, I
showed up with an equally unpresentable medical student.
In the ER we encountered the on-call medical resident and his
student, both neatly attired in clean white lab coats.

The resident said to his student, "You can always tell the
surgeons by their absolute disregard for appearance."

Two evenings later, I was at a banquet when called to the
ER to suture a minor laceration.  I was stitching away,
wearing a tuxedo, when I encountered that same medical
resident.  He looked at me, then said to his student,
"Sure is sensitive to criticism, isn't he?"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




Clown fish
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

An employment interviewer for a big company in Atlanta was
talking to an attractive young woman applying for a job.
Looking over the application form, the interviewer noticed
that the girl had not answered one important question
concerning transportation to and from work.
"What about your bus line?" the interviewer asked her.

"I don't believe I mentioned it," came the pleased reply,
"but it's 38-D."
_____________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Joshua Hansen,
25,
in federal prison in Beaumont, now,
Texas

Escaped Texas inmate arrested running back 
to jail with bag of booze, food

An escaped inmate in Texas is back behind bars, after authorities
caught him running back to the prison with a duffel bag of alcohol,
home-cooked food and tobacco.

Jefferson County Sheriff's officers and U.S. Marshals were tipped off
that inmates were escaping the federal prison in Beaumont, Texas, and
crossing onto a rancher's land that backs up to the federal complex.
The inmates would then pick up contraband that was dropped off for
them and bring it back to the prison.

After authorities set up surveillance on Wednesday, they spotted a
truck pulling onto the private property and dropping off a large bag.
Shortly after, Joshua Hansen, an inmate serving time for narcotics
charges, was seen running from prison grounds, grabbing the bag and
making his way back when police arrested him.

Inside the duffel bag, police found three bottles of Brandy, one
bottle of Whiskey, multiple bags of Buglar tobacco, prepackaged snacks
and a large amount of home-cooked food, including BBQ sausage and
fried chicken.

Hansen, 25, is charged with escape and possession of marijuana,
according to the Jefferson County Sheriff's Office. He is currently on
a federal hold.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Ormond
Re: Spreadsheet to web page
Dear Webby,
Is there an easy way to transfer part of a spreadsheet to
a web page?
Thanks
Ormond

Dear Ormond
Copy the parts, that you want to transfer, into a new
spreadsheet, and save that one as an HTML web page.
Open that file, and copy the entire table that is in it,
and paste it into the page where you want it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


February Holidays
Feb. 1.........Freedom Day
.............Give Kids a Smile Day
.............Robinson Crusoe Day
Feb. 2.......Groundhog Day
...............Sled Dog Day
Feb. 3..........National Girls & Women in Sports Day
............The Day the Music Died (look it up, youngsters!)
Feb. 4..........Quacker Day
............Thank a Mailman Day
Feb. 5..........Wear Red Day
............National Weatherman's Day
Feb. 6..........MOBIUS Awards Day
............Lame Duck Day
Feb. 7..........Ballet Day
............Charles Dickens Day
............Send a Card to a Friend Day
Feb. 8..........Kite Flying Day
............Boy Scout Birthday
Feb. 9..........Read in the Bathtub Day
Feb. 10........Umbrella Day
Feb. 11........National Shut-in Visitation Day
............Make a Friend Day
............White T-Shirt Day
Feb. 12........Lincoln's Birthday
............Safety Pup Day
............National Plum Pudding Day
Feb. 13........Get a Different Name Day
Feb. 14........Valentine's Day
............Ferris Wheel Day
............Library Lovers' Day
............League of Women Voters Day
............Race Relations Day
Feb. 15........Susan B. Anthony Day
............National Gum Drop Day
Feb. 16........Pancake Day
............Do a Grouch a Favor Day
Feb. 17........World Human Spirit Day
............Random Acts of Kindness Day
............Champion Crab Races Day
Feb. 18........Introduce a Girl to Engineering Day
............Pluto Day
Feb. 19........National Chocolate Mint Day
Feb. 20........Clam Chowder Day
............World Day for Social Justice
............Love Your Pet Day
............Northern Hemisphere Hoodie Hoo Day
Feb. 21........Card Reading Day
Feb. 22........George Washington's Birthday
............Walking the Dog Day
............Be Humble Day
Feb. 23........Curling is Cool Day
............Tennis Day
............International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day
Feb. 24........National Tortilla Chip Day
Feb. 25........National Chili Day
Feb. 26........Levi Strauss Day
............For Pete's Sake Day
............Tell a Fairy Tale Day
............Carnival Day
Feb. 27........International Polar Bear Day
............No Brainer Day
Feb. 28........National Tooth Fairy Day
............Floral Design Day



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




"Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn
right 45 degrees for noise abatement."

"Roger," the pilot responded, "but we're at
35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

"Sir," the radar man replied, "have you ever heard
the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?"
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Stop Charging and Start Using Cash 
If your credit card debt is getting out of hand, the first
thing you need to do is stop using your credit cards.
Many people get into the mindset of "I'll pay it off later"
or "I'm already in debt, what will a little debt hurt?".
They keep using credit cards for everyday expenses
so they don't feel broke and don't have to change
their spending patterns. Retire your credit cards,
set up a budget and start paying with cash.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful,
innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by
the congregation.

His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit -
to see how he was doing. After looking the parish over,
the senior priest said, "Father John, your idea of a
drive through confessional is wonderful. That makes it so
convenient for your church members.

And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the
confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who work
shift work.

However, Father John... that flashing neon sign that says
"TOOT and TELL or GO to HELL" ... well, it has GOT TO GO!!



 
Artist Blows Glass Vases Directly Into Slabs of Live Edge Wood

A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read,
"Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress
brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.

"What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively.

"Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied.

"Baked tongue of chicken?...baked tongue of chicken! Do you
have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even
consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!"
he fumed.

Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?"

"Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, February 1, in
1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat. 

1790 The U.S. Supreme Court convened for the first time in New York
City. 

1793 France declared war on Britain and Holland. 

1793 Ralph Hodgson patented oiled silk. 

1842 In New York City, the "City Despatch Post" began operations. It
was a private company that was the first to introduce adhesive postage
stamps in the western hemisphere. The company was bought by the U.S.
governemnt a few months laster and renamed "United States City
Despatch Post." 

1862 "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," by Julia Ward Howe was first
published in the "Atlantic Monthly." 

1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln signed a Joint Resolution
submitting the proposed 13th Amendment to the states. 

1867 In the U.S., bricklayers start working 8-hour days. 

1884 The first edition of the Oxford English Dictionary was published.


1893 Thomas A. Edison completed work on the world's first motion
picture studio in West Orange, NJ. 

1896 Puccini's opera "La Boheme" premiered in Turin. 

1898 The Travelers Insurance Company of Hartford, CT, issued the first
automobile insurance policy. Dr. Truman Martin of Buffalo, NY, paid
$11.25 for the policy, which gave him $5,000 in liability coverage. 

1900 Eastman Kodak Co. introduced the $1 Brownie box camera. 

1913 Grand Central Terminal (also known as Grand Central Station)
opened in New York City, NY. It was the largest train station in the
world. 

1919 The first Miss America was crowned in New York City. 

1920 The first armored car was introduced. 

1920 Canada's Royal North West Mounted Police changed their name to
the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The organization was commissioned
in 1873. 

1921 Carmen Fasanella registered as a taxicab owner and driver in
Princeton, New Jersey. Fasanella retired November 2, 1989 after 68
years and 243 days of service. 

1929 Weightlifter Charles Rigoulet of France achieved the first 400
pound ‘clean and jerk’ as he lifted 402-1/2 pounds. 

1930 The Times published its first crossword puzzle. 

1946 Norwegian statesman Trygve Lie was chosen to be the first
secretary-general of the United Nations. 

1951 The first telecast of an atomic explosion took place. 

1951 The first X-ray moving picture process was demonstrated. 

1957 P.H. Young became the first black pilot on a scheduled passenger
airline. 

1958 The United Arab Republic was formed by a union of Egypt and
Syria. It was broken 1961. 

1960 Four black college students began a sit-in protest at a lunch
counter in Greensboro, NC. They had been refused service. 

1968 During the Vietnam War, South Vietnamese National Police Chief
Brig. Gen. Nguyen Ngoc Loan executed a Viet Cong officer and rapist
with a pistol shot to the head. The scene was captured in a news
photograph and thoroughly abused by the anti-war media. 

1976 "Sonny and Cher" resumed on TV despite a real life divorce. 

1979 Patty Hearst was released from prison after serving 22 months of
a seven-year sentence for bank robbery. Her sentence had been commuted
by U.S. President Carter. 

1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was welcomed in Tehran as he ended
nearly 15 years of exile. 

1987 Terry Williams won the largest slot machine payoff, at the time,
when won $4.9 million after getting four lucky 7s on a machine in
Reno, NV. 

1991 A USAir jetliner crashed atop a commuter plane at Los Angeles
International Airport. 35 people were killed. 

1994 Jeff Gillooly pled guilty in Portland, OR, for his role in the
attack on figure skater Nancy Kerrigan. Gillooly, Tonya Harding's ex-
husband, struck a plea bargain under which he confessed to
racketeering charges in exchange for testimony implicating Harding. 

1996 Visa and Mastercard announced security measures that would make
it safe to shop on the Internet. 

1999 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky gave a deposition that
was videotaped for senators weighing impeachment charges against U.S.
President Clinton. 

2001 Three Scottish judges found Abdel Basset al-Mergrahi guilty of
the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, which killed 270 people. The
court said that Megrahi was a member of the Libyan intelligence
service. Al-Amin Khalifa, who had been co-accused, was acquitted and
freed. 

2003 NASA's space shuttle Columbia exploded while re-entering the
Earth's atmosphere. All seven astronauts on board were killed.

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Explorer Folder Tasks 

Wednesday, January 31, 2018, 09:11 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 31

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Walmart Locks High-Theft Items, 
Gets Slapped With Racism Lawsuit


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 31 in
1747 The first clinic specializing in the treatment of 
venereal diseases was opened at London Dock Hospital. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
--- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988)

In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte

People with courage and character
always seem sinister to the rest.
--- Hermann Hesse
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father
always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before
starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.

"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so
observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me
preach a good sermon."

"How come He doesn't do it?" she asked.
______________________________________________________

Thanks to Cookie for this report:
SILLY LAWSUITS

In 1997, Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (M-LAW) began a
contest to expose how frivolous lawsuits, and a concern about
potential frivolous lawsuits, have led to a new cultural
phenomenon: the wacky warning label.

A warning on an electric router made for carpenters cautions:
"This product not intended for use as a dental drill."

A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user to
"Remove child before folding"

A prescription of sleeping pills says,
"Warning: May cause drowsiness

A sticker on a toilet at a public facility in Ann Arbor,
Michigan actually warns: "Recycled flush water unsafe
for drinking."

A massage chair warns: "DO NOT use massage chair without
clothing.... and,
Never force any body part into the backrest area while the
rollers are moving."

A snowblower warns: "Do not use snowthrower on roof.²"

A dishwasher carries this warning: "Do not allow children
to play in the dishwasher."

A CD player carries this unusual warning: "Do not use the
Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."

An "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter cautions,
"Do not use near fire, flame or sparks"

A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use
"while sleeping or unconscious"

A container of underarm deodorant says,
"Caution: Do not spray in eyes"

A cartridge for a laser printer warns, "Do not eat toner"

A household iron warns users:
"Never iron clothes while they are being worn"

A label with a hair dryer reads,
"Never use hair dryer while sleeping"

A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns:
"Not intended for highway use"

A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard
warns, "Do not drive with sunshield in place"

A Bathroom Heater says:
"This product is not to be used in bathrooms"

A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users:
"May irritate eyes"

A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for
bicyclists says: "Shin pads cannot protect any part of
the body they do not cover."

A popular manufactured fireplace log warns:
"Caution - Risk of Fire"

A box of birthday cake candles says: "DO NOT use soft wax
as ear plugs or for any other function that involves
insertion into a body cavity."

On a washing machine: "Check contents to ensure no pets
are sleeping under the laundry."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




Panther chameleon, lives in Madagascar, and is 17" - 20" long.
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Thanks to Kati for this story:
 The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife
 looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little
 Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she
 was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned
 into a telephone pole!"
_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Essie Grundy,
43,
Perris,
California

Walmart Locks High-Theft Items, 
Gets Slapped With Racism Lawsuit

When Essie Grundy walked into the Walmart in the Riverside County,
California, town of Perris, she had to get assistance to get a 49-cent
comb out of a locked case. Now, she’s filing a lawsuit.

Why, you may ask? Well, according to KCBS-TV, the comb is a product
predominantly stolen by African-Americans — and according to Grundy,
the chain was engaging in racial discrimination by putting the comb
behind a locked case.

“I originally got the product from the Walmart in Riverside … and it
was such a good product, I wanted to introduce it to my older
children,” Grundy said at a news conference Friday.

“They didn’t have any more at the original Walmart that I got it from,
so I went to my neighborhood one, and that’s when I noticed all of the
African-American products was locked up under lock and key.”

“We have different textured hair than other people,” she added. “I
just feel that we should be treated equally,” noting that blacks
shouldn’t be treated differently “just because of a complexion.”

Walmart said they don't care about skin color, their computer just
notices which items get stolen the most. If an item never gets stolen,
then it won't be locked up.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Clyde
Re: Folder tasks
Dear Webby,
 I have had no trouble before trying to print
pictures~~until today~~I click on start~~then My Pictures~~
when pictures appear, I select the one I want to print.
Up until today there was always a column to the left of
the pictures that says
"Print this picture"!  Now that column has disappeared
and a column appears~~
PICTURE TASKS    1.  Make a new folder   2.  Publish this folder to
the web
3.  Share this folder.
I don't have any pictures in folders~~they are all in
alphabetical order!  I need to get the column back that says
"Print this picture"!  If you can help I will greatly appreciate it!
Thank you!
 Clyde

Dear  Clyde
On my machine I have to right-click a picture to get the
OPEN
PRINT
EDIT
etc
menu.
But I am using the fast Classical Mode.

To get Folder Tasks, you need to switch to Task mode.
Click on TOOLS, Folder Options, General
and in there select "Show common tasks in folders"
APPLY
OK

Then, if you have folders showing in the left column,
close those, and your basic task list is back.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Her: "How's your history paper coming?"

Him: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the
Internet for research and it's been very helpful.

Her: "Really?"

Him: "Yes! So far I've located 17 people who sell them!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because
of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma.
For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety,
always demanding. Finally the old girl died.

On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed
to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much,
I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma
in the house all those years."

His wife looked at him aghast. "My Aunt Emma!" she cried.
"I thought she was YOUR Aunt Emma!"

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Discretionary Vs. Mandatory Spending 
When making a budget, be sure to identify Discretionary and
Mandatory expenses. Mandatory expenses are things like
health insurance and rent that you cannot afford to do without.
Discretionary expenses are things that aren't crucial to you
or your families existence like a NetFlix subscription or
eating out. When times get rough financially or when you
want to save money for something, you can start by
eliminating discretionary expenses from your monthly budget.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your
mother says your prayers for you each night? Very
commendable. What does she say?"

The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"



 
Russia's original Silicon Valley.

PETA upset at Six Flags roach contest

GURNEE, Ill. --People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
wants Six Flags Great America to scrap its Halloween-themed
cockroach-eating promotion.

A spokeswoman for the animal rights organization says the
contest at the amusement park's FrightFest is "gratuitously cruel."

The park in Gurnee, Ill., is joining other Six Flags parks in
offering unlimited line-jumping privileges to anyone who
eats a live Madagascar hissing cockroach. The bugs are
up to three inches long.

The contest begins next month.

Amusement park officials are defending their menu choice.
Great America spokesman Jim Taylor says the bugs are
nutritious, high in protein and fat free. It is rumored that
since the bugs routinely beat PETA officials in IQ tests,
the bugs may contain intelligence boosting proteins.

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 31, in
1606 Guy Fawkes was executed after being convicted for his role in the
"Gunpowder Plot" against the English Parliament and King James I. 

1747 The first clinic specializing in the treatment of venereal
diseases was opened at London Dock Hospital. 

1858 The Great Eastern, the five-funnelled steamship designed by
Brunel, was launched at Millwall. 

1865 In America, General Robert E. Lee was named general-in-chief of
the Confederate armies. 

1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by the
U.S. House of Representatives. It was ratified by the necessary number
of states on December 6, 1865. The amendment abolished slavery in the
United States. 

1876 All Native American Indians were ordered to move into
reservations. 

1893 The trademark "Coca-Cola" was first registered in the United
States Patent Office. 

1917 Germany announced its policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. 

1929 The USSR exiled Leon Trotsky. He found asylum in Mexico. 

1930 U.S. Navy Lt. Ralph S. Barnaby became the first glider pilot to
have his craft released from a dirigible, a large blimp, at Lakehurst,
NJ. 

1934 Jim Londos defeated Joe Savoldi in a one-fall match in Chicago,
IL. The crowd of 20,000 was one of the largest crowds to see a
wrestling match. 

1944 During World War II, U.S. forces invaded Kwajalein Atoll and
other areas of the Japanese-held Marshall Islands. 

1945 Private Eddie Slovik became the only U.S. soldier since the U.S.
Civil War to be executed for desertion. 

1946 A new constitution in Yugoslavia created six constituent
republics (Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia, Slovenia, Bosnia-Herzegovina,
Macedonia) subordinated to a central authority, on the model of the
USSR. 

1950 U.S. President Truman announced that he had ordered development
of the hydrogen bomb. 

1958 Explorer I was put into orbit around the earth. It was the first
U.S. earth satellite. 

1971 Astronauts Alan B. Shepard Jr., Edgar D. Mitchell and Stuart A.
Roosa blasted off aboard Apollo 14 on a mission to the moon. 

1971 Telephone service between East and West Berlin was re-established
after 19 years. 

1982 Sandy Duncan gave her final performance as "Peter Pan" in Los
Angeles, CA. She completed 956 performances without missing a show. 

1983 The wearing of seat belts in cars became compulsory in Britain. 

1983 JCPenney announced plans to spend in excess of $1 billion over
the next five years to modernize stores and to accelerate a
repositioning program. 

1985 The final Jeep rolled off the assembly line at the AMC plant in
Toledo, OH. 

1990 McDonald's Corp. opened its first fast-food restaurant in Moscow,
Russia. 

1995 U.S. President Clinton invoked presidential emergency authority
to provide a $20 billion loan to Mexico to stabilize its economy. 

1996 In Columbo, Sri Lanka, a truck was rammed into the gates of the
Central Bank. The truck filled with explosives killed at least 86 and
injured 1,400. 

2000 An Alaska Airlines jet crashed into the ocean off Southern
California. All 88 people on board were killed. 

2001 A Scottish court in the Netherlands convicted one Libyan and
acquitted a second in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie,
Scotland, that occurred in 1988. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Temporary MalwareBytes malfunction 

Tuesday, January 30, 2018, 11:00 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 30

Thank you, Moe!!!

Back in the saddle again!

If the first Super Blue Moon Eclipse in 150 years interests you, 
it is tomorrow night.

If you live in North America or the Hawaiian Islands, this lunar
eclipse will be visible in your sky before sunrise on January 31.

On the other hand, if you live in the Middle East, Asia, Indonesia,
Australia or New Zealand, this lunar eclipse will happen in the
evening hours after sunset on January 31.



Eclipse of the moon, but not a Super Blue Moon.
Click through for the full size picture.

I hope you have clear skies for tis once in a lifetime event!
If you don't have clear skies, you will still experince the clouds
suddenly go dark.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby


Todays Bonehead Award:
Suspect in manhunt said he'd die before going 
back to jail, got rattled with PIT maneuvre


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 29 in
1820 Britain's King George III died insane at Windsor Castle. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. 
Their tastes may not be the same.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A 60-year-old millionaire was getting married and threw a big wedding
reception.
 
The big day arrived, and he got married to his stunning 23-year-old
bride in the vast garden of his 50,000-square-foot mansion.
Champagne was flowing and an enormous team of waiters was flitting
about serving the finest hors-d'oeuvres in the land.

Naturally, the millionaire's less wealthy friends couldn't help but
feel jealous. In a quiet moment, one of them asked him how he landed
such a young beauty.

"Simple",  grinned the millionaire,  "I faked my age."

His friends were really amazed and asked him how old he told her he
was.

"87 !"  he replied.

-----------
I am not a millionaire, yet, but if she can fake "not too old", 
I can fake 87.
Does that count?
______________________________________________________

Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems. Everytime
I go to bed I think there's  somebody under it. I'm scared.
I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink.
"Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able
to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor."

"I'll sleep on it," said Bubba.

Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street.

"Why didn't you ever come to see about those fears you
were having?" asked  the psychiatrist.

"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year
is an awful lot of money!  A bartender cured me for $10.
I was so happy to have saved all that money I went and
bought me a new pickup!"

"Is that so!  And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!  Ain't nobody under
there now!"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




Mt Mayon, Philipines
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Thanks to Chris for this story:
My son, Mitchell, a kindergartner, practices spelling with
magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and
mom have been proudly displayed for all to see.

One morning while getting ready for the day, Mitchell
bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his
hands were three magnetic letters:

"G"-"O"-"D."

"Look what I spelled, Mom!" Mitch exclaimed, a proud
smile on his face.

"That's wonderful!" I praised him. "Now go put them on
the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight."
That Catholic education is certainly having an impact,
I thought, happily.

Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen.
"Mom? How do you spell 'zilla?"

_____________________________________________________

From Nancy:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Justin Llewelyn, 33,
Salt Lake City,
Utah

Suspect in manhunt said he'd die before going 
back to jail, got rattled with PIT maneuvre

Justin Llewelyn, the man who sparked a five-day manhunt after
allegedly shooting a homeowner and firing at two police officers, told
others he would rather be killed by officers than go to jail, police
say.

"(Llewelyn) told numerous people that he was not going to go to jail
and he would do 'suicide by cop,'" a Salt Lake County Jail report
states.

Despite those menacing threats, Llewelyn was taken into custody
Wednesday without any gunfire following a chase through Utah County.

A deputy sustained minor injuries when he T-boned the pickup truck
Llewelyn was driving.

"My entire thought process was (to) get this guy stopped any way I
can," Utah County sheriff's deputy Justin Mortensen said Thursday,
adding he had been told the suspect was likely armed.

Llewelyn, 33, was booked into the Salt Lake County Jail for
investigation of three counts of attempted murder, aggravated robbery,
aggravated burglary, possession of a firearm by a restricted person,
failing to stop for police and theft by receiving stolen property.

On Saturday morning, a Unified police officer attempted to stop and
talk to Llewelyn about his possible involvement in car burglaries in
the area, the report states. Llewelyn ran off. And while the officer
was running after him, "the officer heard what he believed were
gunshots" coming from Llewelyn.

A short time later, a second officer confronted Llewelyn who "began
firing a handgun in the officer's direction," the report states.

Llewelyn again ran off, this time into the home of Steve Smith, police
say. Smith said he found Llewelyn in his garage trying to steal his
car. That's when Smith said Llewelyn fired multiple shots at him,
striking the homeowner in the chest and side.

Investigators launched a large manhunt for Llewelyn that lasted for
five days.

Between 3:30 p.m. and 3:45 p.m. Wednesday, the Violent Fugitive
Apprehension Strike Force — a team consisting of U.S. marshals,
Unified police and other local agencies — spotted Llewelyn sitting in
a stolen pickup truck at Bicentennial Park, 1600 E. 1440 South, in
Provo, said Unified Police Lt. Brian Lohrke. He called it good
investigative work and not just coincidence that the strike force
spotted Llewelyn in Utah County, but he declined to go into detail.

"He's parked and stationary and the detectives are putting together a
plan to take him into custody right there because he was still
parked," Lohrke said.

The strike force called the Utah County Sheriff's Office to have
deputies get in position should the man flee, he said. While that was
happening, Llewelyn started to drive away.

When he got onto State Street, the strike force attempted to pull him
over, Lohrke said. That's when Llewelyn fled.

The ensuing 20-minute, 10-mile chase went south on U.S. 89 through
Springville into Spanish Fork. In Spanish Fork, Llewelyn turned his
truck around and started heading north on Main Street toward I-15,
according to Lohrke. At that point, Mortensen sought to make a PIT
manuever on the pickup truck, Lohrke said, intentionally bumping the
fleeing vehicle in an attempt to get it to spin out.

In this case, the vehicles crashed, causing heavy damage to both the
police car and the truck. As soon as the truck came to a stop, a large
number of officers with guns drawn swarmed on the vehicle. No other
motorists were injured.

"He pretty much gave up at that point. I think he was a little
rattled. But detectives were on him pretty quick," Lohrke said.

Llewelyn was treated for minor injuries at a local hospital before
being booked into jail.

Mortensen, who has worked in Utah County law enforcement for 20 years,
said he "just happened to be in the right spot" Wednesday afternoon.

Mortensen had a sore, bandaged wrist and cuts on his arms. He said his
face felt sunburned from his air bag's deployment, but he suffered no
broken bones and would do the same maneuver again today, if needed.

Llewelyn surrendered, Lohrke said, despite telling others that he was
willing to die at the hands of police, and despite officers spotting a
handgun inside the truck. 

Usually, with a pit maneuvre the chaser gently nudges the fugitive's
rear bumper and gets him to spin out and hit a tree or bushes. 
In this case, the chaser was not following the fugitive, but going in
the opposite direction, at high speed.

So he crossed over and T-boned the fugitive.



The fugitive was "a bit rattled" and did not resist arrest after that.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Yuko
Re: MalwareBytes
Dear Webby,
I love Malwarebytes, but yesterday's update seems to be buggy.
Is that just my computer messed up, or is it really MalwareBytes?
Yuko

Dear Yuko
It was indeed a buggy update. 
They admitted it on their forum within hours and had a tearful apology
and a fix available.
Just download the current update and reboot, and if you get that
yellow pop-up about not all levels of protection being enabled, close
it with CTRL F4. That is the bug.
You don't need the Web Site protection anyway, unless you let little
kids use your machine. It is just an overactive Babysitter.
You can also turn it off from the Dashboard in the account manager.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Thanks to Anna for this story:

I decide to clean off the front patio.
I start to the patio and notice mail on the desk
that needs to be taken
down to the Post Office.
OK, I'm going to the Post Office . . .

BUT FIRST I'm going to go through the mail that was delivered.
I lay the car keys down on desk.
After discarding the junk mail, I notice the
trash can is full. OK, I'll
just put the bills on my desk . . .

BUT FIRST I'll take the trash out.
But since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll
address a few bills . .

Yes, Now where is the checkbook?
Oops.. there's only one check left. Where did I
put the extra checks?
Oh, there is my empty coffee cup from last night on my desk.
I'm going to look for those checks . . .

BUT FIRST I need to put the cup back in the kitchen.
I start to head for the kitchen and look out at
my balcony, notice the flowers need a drink of water because of the
extreme heat. I put the cup on the counter and 
there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. 
What are they doing here?

I'll just put them away . . .

BUT FIRST need to water those plants.
I head for the door and . . .
Aaaagh! Someone left the TV remote on the wrong spot.
Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the
plants on my balcony . . .

BUT FIRST I need to find those checks.

END OF DAY: The patio has not been cleaned, bills
still unpaid, cup still on the counter, checkbook still has only
one check left, lost my car keys . . .

And, when I try to figure out how come nothing
got done today, I'm baffled because . . .
I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY!

I realize this condition is serious . . .
I should  get help . . .

BUT FIRST . . . I think I'll check my e-mail.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear
day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running
commentary about landmarks over the PA system.

"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which
is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was
formed when a lump of nickel and iron, estimated to be 150
feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth
at about 40,000 miles an hour a few Million years ago,
scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction.
The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet
deep."

From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim,
"Wow! It just missed the highway!"

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Create Your Ideal Budget 
Start by listing everything that you spend money on each
month and how much you spend. Add up the list to get your
current total budget. Once you have that information you
can start creating your ideal budget. Look for ways that
you can cut your spending in each category and then list
the ideal amount next to current amount. At the end of the
month, calculate your spending and see how close you
came to meeting your ideal spending amounts.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

A judge is at lunch one hot summer day and orders coffee
with his meal. His companion says, "In this weather, you ought
to order iced drinks, Judge --
sharp, iced drinks. Have you ever tried a gin and tonic?"

"No," says the judge. "But I have tried many men who have."



 
A new way to knit.

President Calvin Coolidge was notorious for his reluctance
to talk. One Sunday he went to church by himself, and when
he returned to the White House, his wife asked,
"Was the sermon good?"

"Yes," the President told her.

"What was it about?" she asked.

"Sin."

"What did the minister say?"

"Seems to be against it."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 29, in
1820 Britain's King George III died insane at Windsor Castle. 

1845 Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven" was published for the first time in
the "New York Evening Mirror." 

1848 Greenwich Mean Time was adopted by Scotland. 

1850 Henry Clay introduced in the Senate a compromise bill on slavery
that included the admission of California into the Union as a free
state. 

1856 Britain's highest military decoration, the Victoria Cross, was
founded by Queen Victoria. 

1886 The first successful petrol-driven motorcar, built by Karl Benz,
was patented. 

1916 In World War I, Paris was bombed by German zeppelins for the
first time. 

1924 R. Taylor patented the ice cream cone rolling machine. 

1940 The W. Atlee Burpee Seed Company displayed the first tetraploid
flowers at the New York City Flower Show. 

1949 "The Newport News" was commissioned as the first air-conditioned
naval ship in Virginia. 

1963 Britain was refused entry into the EEC. 

1966 "Sweet Charity" opened at the Palace Theatre in New York City. It
ran for 608 performances. 

1979 U.S. President Carter formally welcomed Chinese Vice Premier Deng
Xiaoping to the White House. The visit followed the establishment of
diplomatic relations. 

1987 "Physician’s Weekly" announced that the smile on the face of
Leonardo DeVinci's Mona Lisa was caused by a "...facial paralysis
resulting from a swollen nerve behind the ear." 

1990 Joseph Hazelwood, the former skipper of the Exxon Valdez, went on
trial in Anchorage, AK, on charges that stemmed from America's worst
oil spill. Hazelwood was later acquitted of all the major charges and
was convicted of a misdemeanor. 

1996 French President Jacques Chirac announced the "definitive end" to
nuclear testing. 

1996 La Fenice, the 204 year old opera house in Venice, was destroyed
by fire. Arson was suspected. 

1997 America Online agreed to give refunds to frustrated customers
under threat of lawsuits across the country. Customers were unable to
log on after AOL offered a flat $19.95-a-month rate. 

1998 A bomb exploded at an abortion clinic in Birmingham, AL, killing
an off-duty policeman and severely wounding a nurse. Eric Rudolph was
charged with this bombing and three other attacks in Atlanta. 

1999 Paris prosecutors announced the end of the investigation into the
accident that killed Britain's Princess Diana. 

1999 The U.S. Senate delivered subpoenas for Monica Lewinsky and two
presidential advisers for private, videotaped testimony in the
impeachment trial. 

2001 In Indonesia, thousands of student protesters stormed the
parliament property and demanded that President Abdurrahman Wahid quit
due to his alleged involvement in two corruption scandals. Wahid
announced that he would not resign. 

2014 Archaeologists announced that they had uncovered what they
believed to be the oldest temple in Roman antiquity. The temple was
found at the Sant'Omobono site in central Rome. he Sant'Omobono temple
site dates to 7th–6th century BC, making this pair the oldest known
temple remains in Rome.

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

How to fix computer slow-down 

Friday, January 26, 2018, 10:39 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 26
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Happy Australia Day!

Today, about the time you read this issue, I will be in
Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. 
While I grope around in the dark, you get a vacation on
Saturday, Sunday and probably Monday.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Harrisburg, PA, man arrested for attacking 
nurses, guards at Hershey Medical Center


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 26 in
1500 Vicente Yáñez Pinzón discovered Brazil.  
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy
who's only read two.
--- George Burns (1896 - 1996) 

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs
treat us as equals.
--- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
--- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against
one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall.  Every
ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the
remaining distance between them.

A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked,
"When will the girls and boys meet?"

Mathematician:  "Never."

Physicist:  "In an infinite amount of time."

Engineer:  "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close
enough for all practical purposes."
______________________________________________________

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was
speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet!!!" snapped the officer.  "... or I'm going
to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back."

"But officer, I just wanted to say ..."

"And I said KEEP QUIET!  Now you're going to jail!"

A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner
and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's
wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," said the man in the cell.
"I'm the groom!"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




Colombia National Award 2017
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

A journalist was stopped at a checkpoint in a suburb of
Chechnya.

The soldier said, "Get out of the car and open the trunk!"

The journalist replied, "I'm sorry, but the handbrake on the
car is broken. I can't take my foot off the brake or it'll
roll back down the hill."

So the soldier says, "Do you take me for a FOOL?!"

He pulls the journalist from the car, slides into the drivers
seat, and stamping his big boot onto the brake pedal yells
"Now, go and open the trunk!"

So the journalist reluctantly complies with the soldiers
request and goes and opens the trunk of the car.

"Now", shouts the soldier from inside the car, "Is there
any contraband in there?"
_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Ibrahim T. Beidari, 33, 
Harrisburg,
Pennsylvania

Harrisburg, PA, man arrested for attacking 
nurses, guards at Hershey Medical Center

A Harrisburg man already accused of attempting to murder his
unborn child is facing additional charges after allegedly
attacking two nurses and a security guard at Penn State Hershey
Medical Center, according to Derry Township police.

Ibrahim T. Beidari, 33, of the 7300 block of Cobble Stone
Drive, is chargd with aggravated assault, strangulation,
possessing the instruments of crime, and terroristic threats
stemming from an incident that occurred Tuesday at the Medical
Center.

Police say Beidari physically assaulted the staff members,
using a razor blade in one case.

According to the criminal complaint, one of the victims told
police she was going to a supply room to get the suspect some
items to clean up with. When the nurse opened the door, Beidari
allegedly pushed his way into the room, grabbed the nurse, and
wrapped his arm around her throat while holding a razor blade
to the side of her neck. During the struggle, the nurse
sustained three small lacerations to her right middle finger,
police say.

Another nurse arrived and attempted to calm Beidari down,
police say. She then attempted to grab the razor blade from
him. During the struggle, she received a cut to her left index
finger, but was able to successfully remove the razor from
Beidari’s hand, the criminal complaint says.

Beidari then allegedly grabbed a medical scalpel and held it to
the nurse’s throat. A security guard entered the room, told
Beidari to drop the scalpel, and threatened to spray him with
pepper spray, the criminal complaint says. Beidari refused to
comply, allegedly saying “I’m going to kill her,” while
continuing to hold the scalpel to the nurse’s neck, according
to the criminal complaint.

The security guard then sprayed Beidari with pepper spray and
attempted to disarm him, but Beidari stabbed the guard with the
scalpel, giving him a puncture wound to his left forearm, the
criminal complaint says.

Additional security then arrived and successfully restrained
Beidari.

Beidari was transferred to the Dauphin County Judicial Booking
Center for arraignment.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Carol
Re: Slow Computer
Dear Webby,
I enjoy reading your site, I learn a lot from you.
A question:
My computer has been running slower than usual; I have run
a virus scan, ccleaner, and defraged.  My hourglass seems
to run all the time, meaning it flashes on and off very
quickly.
I don't know what else to do to clean up my computer so it
can run better.  Also, I checked my startup and I have no idea
how all of the programs got in there!  What do we need to
have in startup?
Many thanks,
Carol

Dear Carol
The tools in Spybot-Search&Destroy let you weed out the
start-ups. Switch Spybot to Advanced, and you'll see the tools.
The second tool from the bottom is for controlling the
start-up programs.

Each program has a description and it won't let you kill
those that you really need.

There is also a program called
<"https://www.shouldiremoveit.com/download.aspx">Should I
Remove it
that does the same, and shows you how many others have removed
certain programs.

For best results, use both!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


The following ads actually appeared in newspapers

ILLITERATE? Write today for free help.

AUTO REPAIR SERVICE. Free pick up and delivery. Try us once,
you will never go anywhere again.

DOG FOR SALE: Eats anything and is fond of children.

STOCK UP AND SAVE. Limit: one.

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DINNER SPECIAL. Turkey $3.25; Chicken or Beef $2.25;
Children $2.00

FOR SALE: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs
and large drawers.

NOW IS YOUR CHANCE to have your ears pierced and get an
extra pair to take home, too.

GREAT DAMES for sale.

TIRED OF CLEANING YOURSELF? Let me do it.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each
other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me
he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother
used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to
your kids, because you will never get it back."

With that, he responded, "Tell you the truth, it's not even my
ladder. It's my dad's."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Thrifty Reusable Napkins
Instead of paper towels, we use washcloths for napkins.
The cheap ones work great, and you can wash and reuse
them. By CB

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

With some looking around, you can often find sampler packs
of micro-fiber cloths. My favorites are the 8" x  8" in
assorted colors. As long as you don't put them into the dryer
after washing, they beat cotton or linen napkins 20 to 1.
DearWebby

____________________________________________________

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized
his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him
clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber
standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any
gators around here?!"

"Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!"

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore.
As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What
did you do to get rid of the gators?"

"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got
'em all."



 
A look back at the turbulent year of 1968, 50 years ago.


In dire need of a beauty make-over, Nancy went to her salon
with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous
haired model.

She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and
settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune
and got to work on her thin, graying hair.

Nancy was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she
recognized the melody.
It was the theme from "Mission Impossible."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 26, in
1500 Vicente Yáñez Pinzón discovered Brazil. 

1736 Stanislaus I formally abdicated as King of Poland. 

1784 In a letter to his daughter, Benjamin Franklin expressed
unhappiness over the eagle as the symbol of America. He wanted
the symbol to be the turkey. 

1788 The first European settlers in Australia, led by Captain
Arthur Phillip, landed in what became known as Sydney. The
group had first settled at Botany Bay eight days before. This
day is celebrated as Australia Day. 

1827 Peru seceded from Colombia in protest against Simón
Bolívar's alleged tyranny. 

1841 Britain formally occupied Hong Kong, which the Chinese had
ceded to the British. 

1875 George F. Green patented the electric dental drill for
sawing, filing, dressing and polishing teeth. 

1905 The Cullinan diamond, at 3,106.75 carats, was found by
Captain Wells at the Premier Mine, near Pretoria, South Africa.


1911 Inventor Glenn H. Curtiss flew the first successful
seaplane. 

1939 In the Spanish Civil War, Franco's forces, with Italian
aid, took Barcelona. 

1942 The first American expeditionary force to go to Europe
during World War II went ashore in Northern Ireland. 

1950 India officially proclaimed itself a republic as Rajendra
Prasad took the oath of office as president. 

1950 The American Associated Insurance Companies, of St. Louis,
MO, issued the first baby sitter’s insurance policy. 

1961 U.S. President John F. Kennedy appointed Dr. Janet G.
Travell as the first woman to be the "personal physician to the
President". 

1962 The U.S. launched Ranger 3 to land scientific instruments
on the moon. The probe missed its target by about 22,000 miles.


1965 Hindi was made the official language of India. 

1969 California was declared a disaster area after two days of
flooding and mudslides. 

1972 In Hermsdorf, Czechoslovakia, a JAT Yugoslav Airlines
flight crashed after the detonation of a bomb in the forward
cargo hold killing 27 people. The bomb was believed to have
been placed on the plane by a Croatian extremist group. Vesna
Vulovic, a stewardess, survived after falling 33,000 feet in
the tail section. She broke both legs and became paralyzed from
the waist down. 

1979 The ‘Gizmo’ guitar synthesizer was first demonstrated. 

1992 Russian president Boris Yeltsin announced that his country
would stop targeting U.S. cities with nuclear weapons. 

1993 Former Czechoslovak President Vaclav Havel was elected
president of the new Czech Republic. 

1994 In Sydney, Australia, a young man lunged at and fired two
blank shots at Britain's Prince Charles. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton denied having an affair with a
former White House intern, saying "I did not have sexual
relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." 

1999 Saddam Hussein vowed revenge against the U.S. in response
to air-strikes that reportedly killed civilians. The strikes
were U.S. planes defending themselves against anti-aircraft
fire. 

2009 The Icelandic government and banking system collapsed.
Prime Minister Geir Haarde resigned. 

2010 It was announced that James Cameron's movie "Avatar" had
become the highest-grossing film worldwide. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Why not auto-start Crap Cleaner 

Thursday, January 25, 2018, 11:13 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 25

Tomorrow, about the time you read the Friday issue, I have to
go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. 
While I grope myself around in the dark, you get a vacation on
Saturday, Sunday and probably Monday.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man claims he mistook neighbor’s house for his own,
killed homeowner thinking he was an intruder


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 25 in
1504 The English Parliament passed statutes against retainers
and liveries to curb private warfare. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus
handicapped.
--- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915)

What we become depends on what we read after all of the
professors have finished with us. The greatest university of
all is a collection of books.
--- Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)  

Wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and
when to mind your speech.
--- Socratex

The right to be heard does not automatically include the
right to be taken seriously.
--- Hubert H. Humphrey
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a
 Mathematics student were each given $150 dollars
 and were told to use that money to find out exactly
 how tall a particular hotel was.

 All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this.
 The physics student went out, purchased some
 stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, a calculator,
 and some friends.  He had them all time the drop of
 ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out
 the height from the time it took for the bearings to
 accelerate from rest until they impacted with the
 sidewalk.

 The math student waited until the sun was going
 down, then she took out her protractor, plumb line,
 measuring tape, and scratch pad, measured the
 length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings
 roof made from the ground, and used trigonometry
 to figure out the height of the building.

 Of course, with all that was involved in getting this
 experiment done, they were up plenty late studying
 for other courses' exams.  These two students
 bumped into the engineering student the next day,
 who looked quite refreshed.  When asked what he
 did to find the height of the building he replied:  "Well,
 I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked
 him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy
 hour!"
______________________________________________________

He was so in love with her that he offered her anything
that she may desire.
"All I want," she cooed, "is a solid gold Boy Scout knife."

"But you can have anything in the world!", exclaimed the
stunned suitor.

"That's all I want." cooed the doll.

When he brought her the solid gold Boy Scout knife, she
beamed happily.

"Are you sure that this is all that you want to make you
happy?" inquired the still mystified suitor.  "What are
you going to do with it?"

She opened a hope chest to put the knife inside, thereby
revealing hundreds of similar gold Boy Scout knives.

"But....but...WHY?" stammered the confused man.

"Well," she explained, "right now I'm very young and
beautiful and everybody wants me.  But when I grow old,
and not so attractive and desireable...can you imagine
what a Boy Scout will do for one of these knives?"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:



_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their
 exemplary offspring. "There never was a daughter more
 devoted than my Alice," said Mrs. Goldschein with a sniff.
"Every
 summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every
 winter we spend a week at Delray Beach."

 "That's nothing compared to what my Sarah does for me,"
 declared Mrs. Blumenstein proudly. 
"Every winter she treats me to  two weeks in Miami, 
and in the summer two weeks in the  Hamptons, 
in my own private guest house."

Mrs. Rosenthal sat back with a proud smile. "Nobody loves her
mother like my Jackie does.  Nobody."

 "So what does she do?" asked the two women, turning to her.

 "Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best
 psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty
 dollars an hour - just to talk about me!"
_____________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Michael G. Augustine,
Raytown,
Missouri

Man claims he mistook neighbor’s house for his own,
killed homeowner thinking he was an intruder

A Missouri man was charged with involuntary manslaughter after
he allegedly went to his neighbor’s home, thinking it was his
own, then choked the homeowner to death.

Police believe Michael G. Augustine was drunk at the time he
allegedly killed 60-year-old Clifton King, according to WDAF.

King died in his front yard Friday night, after he came to his
door to find Augustine, one of his neighbors, trying to come
inside.

Neighbors told WDAF that Augustine, who lives further down the
block, believed that it was his home, and that King had broken
in.

During the incident, Augustine called 911 to report that he had
an intruder in a choke hold. But when officers arrived at his
address, no one was there. They later found both men about a
block up the street at King's house.

According to court documents, police believe Augustine was
drunk because his speech was incoherent and officers noted a
strong smell of alcohol.

A neighbor, who did not want her face to appear on camera
because the incident has made her concerned for her own safety,
said she watched paramedics try to revive King - a military
veteran - for about half an hour.

"He served our country and that was not an honorable way to
treat him," the woman said. "I think that it’s sad. It’s sad!
Someone had to give up their life because someone was so messed
up they didn’t know it wasn’t their home."

Other neighbors said that King had been homeless at one time in
his life because he couldn't find a job, but since moving on
the block he was friendly and kind.

Some feel guilty about not immediately calling police
themselves when they heard the commotion. They said there are
often arguments on the block, and some say it's better for them
not to get involved.

Prosecutors have charged Augustine with first degree
involuntary manslaughter, but neighbors said he's already
posted bond and moved out of the area. 

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Ann
Re: CrapCleaner
Dear Webby,
I have been using ccleaner and just love it,
Is there a way I can set it to run automatically???
I have it set to start when the pc starts, but for some
reason, it doesn't clean, and also doesn't get into the
bottom right side of the toolbar
Thanks
Ann

Dear Ann
It's best to run CrapCleaner before shutting down, or
whenever your memory gets too bunged up. A Windows
start-up is like the proverbial "Chinese Fire Drill" and it's
best not to add anything to that.

The reason you don't see CrapCleaner at the bottom right
side of the toolbar, where the running programs are, is
because once CrapCleaner has done it's chores, it politely
exits and goes away. It does not use up any resources while
it waits for the next time you need it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Thanks to Bill for this story:
Ann noticed me standing on the bathroom scale, pulling in my
rather ample tummy.

Smartass that she is, she said, "I don't think that's going to
help much, hon."

I said, "Sure it does.  How else can I see the numbers on
the scale?"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A small company that had frequent break-ins installed a new
security system with alarms, codes and key pads.  Late one
night the alarm went off and the police raced to the scene.
Outside the building, wandering around the grounds, they
spotted and apprehended a suspect.

The police called the Security Director for the company and
said, "We caught the culprit, an old guy.  He tried to pass as
an employee, but he knows nothing about your business."

The Security Director said, "Oh, that's probably the
president of the company.  You better let him go."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Refresh Your House Plants
Take advantage of a light rain and set your houseplants
outside. Just like giving them plant food and you don't have
to pay for it. Helps keep the plants clean, too! By Linda

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

A man walked into his friend's office and found him sitting at
his desk, looking very depressed, so he asked him what
was wrong.

His friend said sadly, "Oh, it's my wife.
She hired a new secretary for me."

The man said, "Well, there is nothing wrong in that.
Is she blonde or brunette or a redhead?"

"Neither. Her father is bald."



 

The best science images of 2017


A little boy was digging for fishing bait in the garden with
his father.  He uncovered a creature with many legs and proudly
held it up for his father to see.

"No, son, he won't work for bait," his father said.
"He's not an earthworm."

"He's not?" the little boy said, his eyes wide.
"What planet is he from?"
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 25, in
1504 The English Parliament passed statutes against retainers
and liveries to curb private warfare. 

1533 England's King Henry VIII secretly married his second wife
Anne Boleyn. Boleyn later gave birth to Elizabeth I. 

1579 The Treaty of Utrecht was signed marking the beginning of
the Dutch Republic. 

1799 Eliakim Spooner patented the seeding machine. 

1858 Mendelssohn’s "Wedding March" was presented for the first
time at the wedding of the daughter of Queen Victoria and the
Crown Prince of Prussia. 

1870 G.D. Dows patented the ornamental soda fountain. 

1881 Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell and others signed an
agreement to organize the Oriental Telephone Company. 

1890 The United Mine Workers of America was founded. 

1915 In New York, Alexander Graham Bell spoke to his assistant
in San Francisco, inaugurating the first transcontinental
telephone service. 

1924 The 1st Winter Olympic Games were inaugurated in Chamonix
in the French Alps. 

1946 The United Mine Workers rejoined the American Federation
of Labor. 

1959 In the U.S., American Airlines had the first scheduled
transcontinental flight of a Boeing 707. 

1961 John F. Kennedy presented the first live presidential news
conference from Washington, DC. The event was carried on radio
and television. 

1971 Maj. Gen. Idi Amin led a coup that deposed Milton Obote
and became president of Uganda. 

1981 The 52 Americans held hostage by Iran for 444 days arrived
in the United States and were reunited with their families. 

1987 The New York Giants defeated the Denver Broncos, 39-20, in
Super Bowl XXI on NBC. The game featured TV commercials cost
$550,000 for 30 seconds. 

1999 In Louisville, KY, man received the first hand transplant
in the United States. 

2011 A revolution began in Egypt with the demonstrations that
demanded the end of President Hosni Mubarak's rule. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Mutiple panes for file explorer 

Wednesday, January 24, 2018, 07:17 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 24

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
7-year sentence for killer in case with 
Facebook selfie evidence


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 24 in
1848 James W. Marshall discovered a gold nugget at 
Sutter's Mill in northern California. The discovery led 
to the gold rush of '49.  
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Humans are not proud of their ancestors, 
and rarely invite them round to dinner.
--- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) 

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully 
as when they do it from a religious conviction.
--- Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a
convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the
priest's much-loved roses.

"Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease
peculiar to this area known as the black death."

"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to
increase his garden knowledge.

"Nuns with scissors."
______________________________________________________

World War III.  The US has succeeded in building a computer
able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military
leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and
instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They
describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then
ask the pivotal question: ATTACK OR RETREAT?

The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the
answer: YES.

The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally
one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT?

Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR!
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Because of an ear infection, Little Johnny, had to go to the
pediatrician.

The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little
Johnny in a professional manner. When he asked Little Johnny,
"Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded
and whispered in his ear.

Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and
handed it to Little Johnny's mother. She tucked it into her
purse without looking at it.

As the pharmacist filled the order, he remarked on the
unusual food-drug interaction Little Johnny must have.

Little Johnny's mother looked puzzled until he showed her
the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions,
it read, "Do not take with broccoli."

_____________________________________________________

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Cheyenne Rose Antoine, 21,
Saskatoon, 
Saskatchewan

7-year sentence for killer in case with 
Facebook selfie evidence

Saskatoon police say a Facebook selfie was instrumental in a
murder investigation that ended in a guilty plea and a seven-
year prison sentence for the killer.

On Monday morning, 21-year-old Cheyenne Rose Antoine pleaded
guilty to killing 18-year-old Brittney Gargol, who was
discovered fatally injured on a road near the Saskatoon
landfill two years ago. 

Antoine says Gargol was her best friend and they had been out
drinking on the night of her death and got into an argument.
Antoine says she doesn't remember strangling her friend to
death, but doesn't dispute that she killed her. 

Antoine was initially charged with second-degree murder, but
pleaded guilty to manslaughter inside a Saskatoon courtroom.
She was sentenced to seven years behind bars — a joint
submission request from the Crown and defence — early Monday
afternoon.

In court, Crown prosecutor Robin Ritter outlined a complicated
investigation that took nearly two years to complete. 

One key piece of evidence was a belt, believed to be the murder
weapon, that was found lying by Gargol's body. A selfie on
Facebook, posted hours before Gargol's body was found, showed
Antoine wearing that same belt, which ultimately made her a
suspect in the crime.

Police used more Facebook posts to develop a timeline of
Antoine and Gargol's movements on the night of Gargol's death. 

"It's quite remarkable how the police developed this
information," said Ritter.

The prosecutor said Antoine also used social media to lead
police on a wild goose chase. Several hours after Gargol's
death, the accused posted on Facebook, asking where Brittney
was.

She also told police the pair went to several bars, and Gargol
eventually met an unknown man and they left together.

Police were able to poke holes in Antoine's story that the pair
went to the Colonial Pub and Grill after reviewing security
tape evidence that showed they were never at the bar.

Ultimately, a tip led police to a witness, who said Antoine
confessed to the killing that night.  

After getting drunk, Antoine told the friend that she hit
Gargol and strangled her. She showed up at her friend's house,
and hysterically confessed to how she had hurt her friend.

Ultimately, she told a friend she killed Gargol after getting
into a fight.

"No doubt this young women has issues...and because of those
issues she is dangerous," said Ritter.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Eileen
Re: Multiple file explorer panes
Dear Webby,
You explained once how to trick Windows into showing more
than one pane in the file explorer. I know, I can have more
than one file explorer open, but your system, which I had on
my last computer, is a lot easier and takes less screen space.
Unfortunately I forgot how to set that up, but I desperately
need it now for a major sorting job.
Eileen

Dear Eileen
Here is the way I set it up:
Open a file explorer and browse to the root of C:\
Drag the little icon from the left of the address bar to the
left bottom of the desktop. That's your masterkey for all
file managing.

In the file explorer, click on TOOLS, FOLDER OPTIONS
Select Classic Folders and
Open each folder in the same window.
Hit Apply and then OK.

Now you have a little icon on the top for Folders
Click that and the explorer will split, showing the folders
in the left pane, and the files of the highlighted folder in
the right pane.

Once you have highlighted a folder on the left, you can
slide it out of sight and even line up totally different
drives. 

Don't click folders or drives on the left, just the plus signs
in front of them, if you want them to expand.

Once you have the destination folders in view on the left,
for example PIX, MUSIC, MOVIES, PPS on your external
back-up drive, you can drag files or groups of files from
the right side to their destination on the left.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


While I was attending a law course, the 'Audi alteram parten'
rule was explained to us. Translated it means "To hear the
other party." After discussing the subject at great length,
the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule.

Responded one man "My Wife."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



>From Lilly
For our 20th anniversary my husband and I vacationed in Hawaii,
where we went snorkeling.  After an hour in the water,
everyone
got back on the boat, except for me and one handsome young man.
As I continued my underwater exploring, I noticed that
everywhere I swam, he swam.  I snorkeled for another 40
minutes.
So did he.

I felt very flattered and, as I took off my fins, I asked
him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long.

"I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly.
"I couldn't get out until you did."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
"Faux" Hamburger
Fool your finicky eaters with low-fat ground turkey. The
trick, add some browning sauce to mixture as you are
frying it. It turns the turkey browner, more like hamburger
(and doesn't change the clean taste much at all!). 
By Barb

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

As a Dominican sister, I lived in a convent named for a de-
ceased pope. One day while I was wearing contemporary clothes
instead of my habit, I drove into a gas station to get the
communal car filled up.


After the young attendant topped off the tank, he walked
toward my car window to return my credit card.  It was clear
from his furrowed brow that he had something on his mind.
The young man looked at me shyly and pointed to the convent's
name, John XXIII Hall, imprinted on the card.

"Pardon me," he asked hesitantly, "but how do you pronounce
your husband's middle name?"



 

The "witness trees" of the American Civil War.


A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's
complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well
founded.

"He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said,
"tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls
at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best
furniture."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 24, in
1848 James W. Marshall discovered a gold nugget at Sutter's
Mill in northern California. The discovery led to the gold rush
of '49. 

1899 Humphrey O’Sullivan patented the rubber heel. 

1908 In England, the first Boy Scout troop was organized by
Robert Baden-Powell. 

1916 Conscription was introduced in Britain. 

1922 Christian K. Nelson patented the Eskimo Pie. 

1924 The Russian city of St. Petersburg was renamed Leningrad.
The name has since been changed back to St. Petersburg. 

1930 Primo Carnera made his American boxing debut by knocking
out Big Boy Patterson in one minute, ten seconds of the opening
round. 

1935 Krueger Brewing Company placed the first canned beer on
sale in Richmond, VA. 

1942 "Abie’s Irish Rose" was first heard on NBC radio. 

1943 U.S. President Roosevelt and British Prime Minister
Churchill concluded a wartime conference in Casablanca,
Morocco. 

1952 Vincent Massey was the first Canadian to be appointed
governor-general of Canada. 

1964 CBS-TV acquired the rights to televise the National
Football League’s 1964-1965 regular season. The move cost CBS
$14.1 million a year. The NFL stayed on CBS for 30 years. 

1965 Winston Churchill died at the age of 90. 

1972 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws that denied
welfare benefits to people who had resided in a state for less
than a year. 

1978 A nuclear-powered Soviet satellite plunged through Earth's
atmosphere and disintegrated. The radioactive debris was
scattered over parts of Canada's Northwest Territory. 

1980 The United States announced intentions to sell arms to
China. 

1985 Penny Harrington became the first woman police chief of a
major city. She assumed the duties as head of the Portland,
Oregon, force of 940 officers and staff. 

1986 The Voyager 2 space probe flew past Uranus. The probe came
within 50,679 miles of the seventh planet of the solar system. 

1987 In Lebanon, gunmen kidnapped educators Alann Steen, Jesse
Turner, Robert Polhill and Mitheleshwar Singh. They were all
later released. 

1989 Ted Bundy, the confessed serial killer, was put to death
in Florida's electric chair for the 1978 kidnap-murder of 12-
year-old Kimberly Leach. 

1990 Japan launched the first probe to be sent to the Moon
since 1976. A satellite was placed in lunar orbit. 

1996 Polish Premier Jozef Oleksy resigned due to allegations
that he had spied for Moscow. 

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a Missouri law that limited
the contributions that individuals could donate to a candidate
during a single election. 

2001 In Colorado Springs, CO, Patrick Murphy Jr. and Donald
Newbury were taken into custody after a 5-minute phone
interview was granted with a TV station. They were the
remaining fugitives of the "Texas 7." 

2002 The U.S. Congress began a hearing on the collapse of Enron
Corp. 

2002 John Walker Lindh appeared in court for the first time
concerning the charges that he conspired to kill Americans
abroad and aided terrorist groups. Lindh had been taken into
custody by U.S. Marines in Afghanistan. 

2003 The U.S. Department of Homeland Security began operations
under Tom Ridge.

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

fix missing framedyn.dll 

Tuesday, January 23, 2018, 11:24 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 23

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Serial Stowaway Slipped Past O’Hare Security, 
Flew To London, got arrested there and sent back.


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 23 in
1920 The Dutch government refused the demands from the 
Allies to hand over the ex-kaiser of Germany. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Never eat more than you can lift.
--- Miss Piggy

Thou shalt not weigh more than your refrigerator
--- Anatole France

We rarely think people have good sense
unless they agree with us.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Sherlock Holmes was sent to heaven to find Adam and Eve.
He came back within a day and said he had found them.

Dr. Watson questioned, "How did you find them so quickly?"

Sherlock Holmes said, "Elementary, my dear Watson.
They were the only ones that didn't have belly buttons."

____________________________________________________

A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist
if he can give him something for the hiccups. The
pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's
face. (Whack)

"What did you do that for?" the man asks.

"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?"

The man says, "No, but my wife out on the sidewalk still
does. Watch out, though, she is a wrestling coach!"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

This door-to-door entrepreneur became rather
bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided
to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles
for him. He interviewed three people. The first came
in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you."

"OK, you're hired. Here's your kit, go sell!"

The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles
for you."

"OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go sell!"

The third came in and said, "I- i - I wa - wa- wa-want
t-t-t-t-to s-s-s-s-ell to sell, to sell, to sell, Bi - bi - bi
-
Bibles, sell Bi -Bibles f-f-f-fo-for y-y-y-y you Bibles
for you!"

"No," shouted the man, "this will never work! You can't
sell Bibles for me!"

The applicant replied, "B-b-b-b-but I r-r-r-eall, but I really,
really, n-n-n-n-need th-th-th-this, really need tthis job!"

As there were no other applicants, he man said, "OK, I'll
give you one shot at this, but I expect you to PRODUCE!"

At the end of the can, the first applicant comes back and
reports, "I sold 8 Bibles today."

The second reports, "I sold 11 Bibles today."

The third worker reports, "To-to-to-to t-t-today, I-i-I so- so,
I so-, I so-, I so- I sold 28 Bi- bi- b- bibles!"

"Great," says the man. "However, I want you to sell a lot
more Bibles than that, so get out there tomorrow and
MAKE ME SOME MONEY!"

At the end of the first day, the first worker comes in and
reports, "Today, I sold 32 Bibles."

The second worker reports, "I sold 44 Bibles today."

The third worker reports, "To-to-to t-today, I-i-I so- so, I
so-, I sold 79 Bi-bi-bi- sold 79, sold 79 Bibles."

"Fantastic," said the man, "since you're doing so well,
so much better than these other two bums, why don't
you tell them what your sales technique is."

Replied the worker, "I-i-I j-j-j-j-ju-ju-ju-just wa, wa, wa,
just wal- wa- wa- walk, just walk up to up to up to just
walk up to them and and ask, them and ask, them and
ask if th-th-th-th ask if they w-w-w-w-w- wa- ask if they
want t-t-t-t-o-o- if they want to b--b-b-b-b if they want to
buy a Bi-bi - want to buy a Bi--b--a - a- abi - buy a to buy
a Bi-bi-bible, or d-d-d-d-d do th-th-they do they w-w-w-ant
me to READ it to 'em?"

_____________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Marilyn Hartman, 66,
Grayslake,
Illinois

Serial Stowaway Slipped Past O’Hare Security, 
Flew To London, got arrested there and sent back.

A 66-year-old Grayslake woman with a history of trying to sneak
onto airline flights managed to slip past security and took a
flight from O’Hare International Airport to London earlier this
week.

Chicago police say Marilyn Hartman boarded the flight Sunday
afternoon without a ticket.

Sources tell CBS 2 Hartman slipped by a distracted TSA agent in
O’Hare’s Terminal 3, somehow made it to the international
terminal and slipped past a busy gate agent to board a British
Airways flight to London.

Sources say O’Hare security video shows Hartman had been
wandering the airport for two days and no one questioned her.

Once on the London-bound plane, sources say, Hartman hid in a
bathroom and eventually walked out and found a seat.  When she
couldn’t produce a passport Monday at Heathrow Airport,
officials sent her back to O’Hare, where she was taken into
custody Thursday.

Hartman was charged Friday with one misdemeanor count of
criminal trespass and one felony count of theft greater than
$500, Chicago police said in a news release. She was expected
to appear in bond court Saturday.

In a statement, the Transportation Security Administration
said: “This matter is subject to an ongoing investigation and
TSA is working closely with our law enforcement and airline
partners in that effort.

“During the initial investigation it was determined that the
passenger was screened at the security checkpoint before
boarding a flight. Upon learning of the incident TSA, and its
aviation partners took immediate action to review security
practices throughout the airport.”

Hartman has been arrested several times on trespassing charges
for trying to sneak onto planes at O’Hare and Midway, including
trying to board a plane at Midway without a ticket in July 2015
less than 24 hours after being released from jail.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Dave
Re: framedyn.dll missing
Dear Webby,
Thank you for providing such pleasure and assistance.

I use Spybot regularly.  Recently, I have been getting a
warning window when I attempt to start the Program.
It reads:
SPYBOTSD.EXE UNABLE TO LOCATE COMPONENT
This application has failed to start because
framedyn.dll was not found

When you press "OK" the ap starts and runs normally.
I went to help and it suggests downloading Spybot again.
This did not remedy the situation.  What am I doing wrong?

The second question regards an external hard drive back-up
of the C: drive.  Should I back-up the entire C: drive
including Windows and other aps?

Thanks again
Dave

Dear Dave
framdyn.dll is a Windows component, not a Spybot component.
You can download it from Microsoft:
http://support.microsoft.com/default.as ... -us;319114

You can use the Laplink PCMover to "move" or copy the entire
drive to a remote drive, and then use that drive, if the
original one fails. All programs will be automatically
installed.

The link to it is just below here.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


In a physics lab, which involved light, electricity
and magnetism, one requirement of the course
was to read the week's experiment before coming
to class.  At one lab session the instructor wanted
to see how many people had actually done so.

"What are the two types of light?" he asked.  The
lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand
and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors?"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A boy and his father were at the dining room table working
on the boy's Social Studies homework.  The boy turned to
his father and asked, "Dad, how many people work in the
U.S. government?"

Without hesitation, the father replies, "Oh, probably less than
half of them."

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Bacon and Cheese Stuffed Waffles
By attosa [506 Posts, 2,683 Comments]

I got this idea for a bacon and cheese stuffed waffle after I
saw my brother use leftover Christmas ham and cheese inside of
a waffle... and it was awesome! I used a simple pancake mix and
just added water to make the batter. I used cheese that melts
nicely; smoked gruyere and mozzarella. These waffles are
fabulous on their own or with a dipping sauce of equal parts
mustard and mayonnaise. Enjoy!
 
Prep Time: 5 minutes

Cook Time: 10 minutes

Total Time: 15 minutes

Yield: 2 servings

Ingredients:
1 cup dry pancake mix
1/2 cup water
3 strips bacon
1/3 cup cheese

Steps:

Cook up the bacon until crisp. Reserve the bacon fat.
cooking bacon in pan
Brush some of the bacon fat onto the waffle maker and preheat.
greasing waffle iron
Mix the dry pancake mix with the water. Add half a tablespoon
of the reserved bacon fat and mix well.

Pour a thin layer of batter onto the hot waffle maker, then top
with a single layer of bacon pieces.
add bacon to thin layer of batter
Roughly break up the cheese and drop onto the bacon.
Cover with more pancake batter.
Press down the waffle maker lid and cook for 2 to 3 minutes, or
until brown and crispy. Cut in half and serve.

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

On a warm spring day, Little Johnny was laying on a hill in
the middle of a meadow.  Puffy white clouds rolled by and
he pondered their shape.

Soon, he began to think about God.  Then he
said out loud, "God? Are you really there?"

To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds.
"Yes, Johnny?  What can I do for you?"

Seizing the opportunity, Johnny asked,
"God? What is a million years like to you?"

Knowing that Johnny could not understand the concept of
infinity, God responded in a manner to which Johnny could
relate.  He said, "A million years to me, Johnny, is like a
minute."

Johnny said, "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to
you?"

"A million dollars to me, Johnny, is like a penny," God said.

Johnny said, "Wow!" then he got an idea.  He said, "You are
so generous, God.  Can I have just one of your pennies?"

God replied, "Sure thing, Johnny!  Just a minute."



 

The "witness trees" of the American Civil War.


Thanks to Martin for this story:
  You gotta love this old guy!  I was at the mall the other
day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching
a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors, green,
red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him.

 The teenager would look and find the old man staring every
time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked,
"What's the matter, old man, never done anything wild in your
life?"

The old man did not bat an eye in his response,
"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just
wondering if you were my son."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 23, in
1556 An earthquake in Shanxi Province, China, was thought to
have killed about 830,000 people. 

1571 The Royal Exchange in London, founded by financier Thomas
Gresham, was opened by Queen Elizabeth I. 

1920 The Dutch government refused the demands from the Allies
to hand over the ex-kaiser of Germany. 

1937 In Moscow, seventeen people went on trial during Josef
Stalin's "Great Purge." 

1943 Duke Ellington and the band played for a black-tie crowd
at Carnegie Hall in New York City for the first time. 

1943 The British captured Tripoli from the Germans. 

1950 The Israeli Knesset approved a resolution proclaiming
Jerusalem as the capital of Israel. 

1960 The U.S. Navy bathyscaphe Trieste descended to a record
depth of 35,820 feet (10,750 meters) in the Pacific Ocean. 

1968 North Korea seized the U.S. Navy ship Pueblo, charging it
had intruded into the nation's territorial waters on a spying
mission. The crew was released 11 months later. 

1971 In Prospect Creek Camp, AK, the lowest temperature ever
recorded in the U.S. was reported as minus 80 degrees. 

1973 U.S. President Nixon announced that an accord had been
reached to end the Vietnam War. 

1974 Mike Oldfield’s "Tubular Bells" opened the credits of the
movie, "The Exorcist". 

1978 Sweden banned aerosol sprays because of damage to
environment. They were the first country to do so. 

1983 "The A-Team" debuted on TV. 

1985 O.J. Simpson became the first Heisman Trophy winner to be
elected to pro football’s Hall of Fame in Canton, OH. 

1989 Surrealist artist Salvador Dali died in Spain at age 84. 

1997 A judge in Fairfax, VA, sentenced Mir Aimal Kasi to death
for an assault rifle attack outside the CIA headquarters in
1993 that killed two men and wounded three other people. 

1997 A British woman received a record £186,000 damages for
Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI). 

2001 A van used by the remaining two fugitives of the "Texas 7"
was recovered in Colorado Springs, CO. A few hours later police
surrounded a hotel where the convicts were hiding. Patrick
Murphy Jr. and Donald Newbury were taken into custody the next
morning without incident. 

2002 John Walker Lindh returned to the U.S. under FBI custody.
Lindh was charged with conspiring to kill U.S. citizens,
providing support to terrorists and engaging in prohibited
transactions with the Taliban while a member of the al-Quaida
terrorist organization in Afghanistan. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Picture file size compression 

Monday, January 22, 2018, 10:46 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 22

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Muslim student believing fake news and angry 
with Trump tries to burn down a Catholic college


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 22 in
1666 Shah Jahan, a descendant of Genghis Khan and Timur, died
at the age of 74. He was the Mongul emperor of India that built
the Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife Mumtaz-i-Mahal. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
You've achieved success in your field when you don't know
whether what you're doing is work or play.
--- Warren Beatty
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

In 1952, Armon M. Sweat, Jr., a member of the Texas House of
Representatives, was asked about his position on whiskey. What
follows is his exact answer (taken from the Political Archives
of Texas):

"If you mean whiskey, the devil's brew, the poison scourge, the
bloody monster that defiles innocence, dethrones reason,
destroys the home,
creates misery and poverty, yea, literally takes the bread from
the mouths of little children; if you mean that evil drink that
topples Christian men and women from the pinnacles of righteous
and gracious living into the bottomless pit of degradation,
shame, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness, then, my
friend, I am opposed to it with every fiber of my
being.

However, if by whiskey you mean the lubricant of conversation,
the philosophic juice, the elixir of life, the liquid that is
consumed when good fellows get together, that puts a song in
their hearts and the warm glow of contentment in their eyes; if
you mean Christmas cheer, the stimulating sip that puts a
little spring in the step of an elderly gentleman on a frosty
morning; if you mean that drink that enables man to
magnify his joy, and to forget life's great tragedies and
heartbreaks and sorrow; if you mean that drink the sale of
which pours into Texas treasuries untold millions of dollars
each year, that provides tender care
for our little crippled children, our blind, our deaf, our
dumb, our pitifully aged and infirm, to build the finest
highways, hospitals, universities, and community colleges in
this nation, then my friend, I am
absolutely, unequivocally in favor of it.

This is my position, and as always, I refuse to compromise on
matters of principle.
____________________________________________________

Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke warmly
to the boy, "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your mother for
this lovely pie."

"If you don't mind, Ma'am," the boy suggested nervously,
"would you thank her for two pies?"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




Lilac Roller, national bird of Kenya AND Botswana.
It looks delicate, but actually is 14 inches tall.
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

"Each evening birdlover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting
like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him.
For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back
and forth.  He even kept a log of the "conversation."

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough
in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with
her next door neighbor.

"My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she
said.

"That's odd," the neighbor replied.  "So does my husband."

Then it dawned on them.
_____________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Tnuza Jamal Hassan, 19,
St. Paul,
Minnesota

Muslim student believing fake news and angry 
with Trump tries to burn down a Catholic college

Hassan was arrested after trying to burn down St. Catherine’s
University in St. Paul. She was upset after hearing that
Trump’s push to escalate the War on Terror resulted in a school
being bombed in Iraq. There’s no actual proof that happened,
but Hassan wanted to retaliate nevertheless.

She also tried to burn down a university building housing a
daycare with over 30 children inside.

A former college student from Minneapolis has been charged with
intentionally setting four fires at St. Catherine’s University
in St. Paul to avenge Muslims killed in US bombings in the
Middle East.

A criminal complaint alleges 19-year-old Tnuza Jamal Hassan
confessed to investigators she started the fires on Wednesday
because she had been reading about the US military destroying
schools in Iraq or Afghanistan and felt she should do the same
thing. Hassan is charged with first-degree arson.

‘Hassan said this was the same thing that happened in the
“Muslim land” and nobody cares if they get hurt, so why not do
this?’ the complaint stated.

The complaint, cited by Minneapolis Star Tribune, says Hassan
told police her intent was to hurt people and to burn the
Catholic university to the ground.

The teenager was also quoted as telling police and arson
investigators: ‘You guys are lucky that I don’t know how to
build a bomb because I would have done that.’

On Friday, Hassan appeared in Ramsey County District Court and
was charged with a single count of first-degree arson, reported
Pioneer Press. She was then remanded back to the county jail.

Officials say a sprinkler system prevented a dormitory fire
from spreading to a day care center where 33 children and eight
adults were present.

The university said in a press release on Thursday that the
fires were ‘small and quickly contained, and no one was
injured. There was damage to furnishings, but no structural
damage to the attacked buildings.’

Police obtained surveillance video from the university, which
allowed them to track Hassan to Crandall Hall where she was
ultimately taken into custody in a student lounge after a room-
to-room search.

According to the college, the 19-year-old was last enrolled at
St Catherine’s in the fall of 2017.

Hassan reportedly dropped out because her family were planning
to travel to Ethiopia.

Officials said between 11.40am and 2pm, Hassan torched a chair
at St Mary’s residence hall and burned a few smaller items,
including books, toilet paper and sanitary napkins in women’s
bathrooms on campus.

Following her arrest, Hassan allegedly told police that she had
written a letter to her roommates containing ‘radical ideas
about supporting Muslims and bringing back the caliphate,’ the
complaint said.
The letter frightened the roommates, who handed it over to
campus security.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Ilah
Re: Picture compression
Dear Webby,
This question has been addressed before but I
did not have the brains to print your response and put it on
file.
 IT will be filed this time.  How do you compress pictures?
We have a large number of snaps of what has to be the world's
most beautiful, intelligent and entertaining kitty and we want
to send copies to friends and family.

I do not know what we would do without your Humor Letter.
It gets the day off to a great start.
Ilah 

Dear Ilah
When you open a picture with a graphics program, like for
example Paint Shop Pro, you can re-size it. For example,
straight out of the camera it is 4000x3000, for email it
should be 640 x 480. 
So, first you change the physical size and save kitty27.jpg  as
kitty27-640.jpg. That preserves the original for your archive.

That resizing alone might be enough to allow fast sending.
You can still go a step further by compressing it.

Now, when you save kitty27-640.jpg, you can click on the
options and select the compression ratio. Compression
does not change the visible size, it just changes the color
depth, and the file size.

Usually a compression of 10 - 15% is usually OK, but over
15% pictures tend to look a bit washed out.

Keep in mind that compression is a one way street. Once
pixels have been washed out, you can not get them back
from Santa Claus and put them back in there. That is why
you keep a pure archive copy. If you got too carried away
with the compression, you can always start again from the
big original.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


From a 2006 Bonehead Award:
When moviemakers told Gallatin, Tennessee, Mayor Don Wright
they wanted to use his office to film a scene with a
superheroine, he kindly obliged.

But Wright was startled when the movie's title, "Thong Girl 3,"
and his role in its making was splashed across the front
page of Friday's editions of the Nashville Tennessean
newspaper.

"I had no idea what the movie was about," Wright said on
Friday. "They told me it was about a superhero woman and
there was no nudity or offensive stuff in it. Other than that,
I really didn't have a clue."

According to the Thong Girl Web site, heroine Lana Layonme
wears a red thong under a cape as she flies over Nashville
repelling a villain who is trying to turn country music
performers into rappers. The movie is the third in a series
released only on DVD.

"They said it was family friendly," said Wright who let the
locally-based crew use his office for two hours. "We've had
a lot of movies filmed in this area during the past few years.
In fact, I think Sally Field was in one of them. Anyhow, I
thought it was good for business."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A golfer's drive lands on an anthill. Rather than move the
ball, he decides to hit it where it lies. He gives a mighty
swing. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants explodes from
the end of his club, but the golf ball remains in the same
spot.

So he lines up and tries another shot. A cloud of dirt and
sand and ants goes flying again. The golf ball doesn't
even wiggle.

Two ants survive. One dazed ant says to the other,
"Whoa. What are we going to do?"

Says the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going
to get on the ball."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Uses for Old Magazines
Give your old magazines to hospitals, nursing homes, senior
centers, schools or clinics. Schools need magazines for
research and for children to cut pictures out of. Any where
there is a waiting room there are people hoping for
something to read. By Marianne
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

A worried Mrs. Melchnik sprang to the telephone
 when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly
 voice in her ear.

 "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a
 day are you having?"

 "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter
 tears, "I've had such a bad day.  The baby won't eat
 and the washing machine broke down.  I haven't had
 a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just
 sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around.  On
 top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to
 have two couples to dinner tonight."

 The mother was shocked and was at once all
 sympathy.  "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax,
 and close your eyes.  I'll be over in half an hour.  I'll
 do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your
 dinner for you.  I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman
 I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing
 machine promptly.  Now stop crying.  I'll do everything.
 In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he
 ought to come home and help out for once."

 "George?" said the housewife.  "Who's George?"

 "Why, George!  Your husband! ....Is this 555-1374?

 "No, this is 555-1375."

 "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."

 There was a short pause and the housewife said,
 "Does this mean you're not coming over?"



 
Hilarious signs

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became
increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted
to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.

As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly
whirled around, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach
you to pinch!"

Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with
his wife when he choked, "I . . . I . . . didn't pinch that
girl."

"Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly.  "I did."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 22, in
1666 Shah Jahan, a descendant of Genghis Khan and Timur, died
at the age of 74. He was the Mongul emperor of India that built
the Taj Mahal as a mausoleum for his wife Mumtaz-i-Mahal. 

1771 The Falkland Islands were ceded to Britain by Spain. 

1824 The Asante army crushed British troops in the Gold Coast. 

1874 A patent was issued to Samuel W. Francis for the spork. 

1879 James Shields began a term as a U.S. Senator from
Missouri. He had previously served Illinois and Minnesota. He
was the first Senator to serve three states. 

1879 British troops were massacred by the Zulus at Isandhlwana.


1889 The Columbia Phonograph Company was formed in Washington,
DC. 

1895 The National Association of Manufacturers was organized in
Cincinnati, OH. 

1900 Off of South Africa, the British released the German
steamer Herzog, which had been seized on January 6. 

1901 Queen Victoria of England died after reigning for nearly
64 years. Edward VII, her son, succeeded her. 

1903 The Hay-Herrán Treaty was signed by United States
Secretary of State John M. Hay and Colombian Chargé Dr. Tomás
Herrán. The treaty granted the United States rights to the land
proposed for the Panama Canal. 

1905 Insurgent workers were fired on in St Petersburg, Russia,
resulting in "Bloody Sunday." 500 people were killed. 

1917 U.S. President Wilson pleaded for an end to war in Europe,
calling for "peace without victory." The US entered the war
the
following April. 

1941 Britain captured Tobruk from German forces. 

1944 Allied forces began landing at Anzio, Italy, during World
War II. 

1950 Alger Hiss, a former adviser to U.S. President Franklin
Roosevelt, was convicted of perjury for denying contacts with a
Soviet agent. He was sentenced to five years in prison. 

1951 Fidel Castro was ejected from a Winter League baseball
game after hitting a batter. He later gave up baseball for
politics. 

1957 Suspected "Mad Bomber" was arrested in Waterbury, CT.
George P. Metesky was accused of planting more than 30
explosive devices in the New York City area. 

1957 The Israeli army withdrew from the Sinai. They had invaded
Egypt on October 29, 1956. 

1962 Cuba's membership in the Organization of American States
(OAS) was suspended. 

1964 Kenneth Kaunda was sworn in as the first Prime Minister of
Northern Rhodesia. 

1970 The first regularly scheduled commercial flight of the
Boeing 747 began in New York City and ended in London about 6
1/2 hours later. 

1972 The United Kingdom, the Irish Republic, and Denmark joined
the EEC. 

1973 Joe Frazier lost the first fight of his professional
career to George Foreman. He had been the undefeated
heavyweight world champion since February 16, 1970 when he
knocked out Jimmy Ellis. 

1973 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down state laws that had
been restricting abortions during the first six months of
pregnancy. The case (Roe vs. Wade) legalized abortion. 

1984 Apple introduced the Macintosh during the third quarter of
Super Bowl XVIII. 

1992 Rebel soldiers seized the national radio station in
Kinshasa, Zaire's capital, and broadcast a demand for the
government's resignation. 

1995 Two Palestinian suicide bombers from the Gaza Strip
detonated powerful explosives at a military transit point in
central Israel, killing 19 Israelis. 

1997 The U.S. Senate confirmed Madeleine Albright as the first
female secretary of state. 

1998 Theodore Kaczynski pled guilty to federal charges for his
role as the Unabomber. He agreed to life in prison without
parole. 

2000 Elian Gonzalez's grandmothers met privately with U.S.
Attorney General Janet Reno as they appealed for help in
removing the boy from his Florida relatives and reuniting him
with his father in Cuba. 

2001 Former National Football League (NFL) player Rae Carruth
was sentenced to a minimum 18 years and 11 months in prison for
his role in the 1999 shooting death of his pregnant
girlfriend,
Cherica Adams. Adams died a month later from her wounds. The
baby survived and lives with the victim's mother. 

2001 Acting on a tip, authorities captured four of the "Texas
7" in Woodland Park, CO, at a convenience store. A fifth
convict killed himself inside a motor home. 

2002 In Calcutta, India, Heavily armed gunmen attacked the U.S.
government cultural center. Five police officers were killed
and twenty others, including one pedestrian and one private
security guard, were wounded. 

2002 Lawyers suing Enron Corp. asked a court to prevent further
shredding of documents due to the pending federal
investigation. 

2002 Amazon.com announced that it had posted its first net
profit in the fourth quarter (quarter ending December 31,
2001). 

2002 AOL Time Warner filed suit against Microsoft in federal
court seeking damages for harm done to AOL's Netscape Internet
Browser when Microsoft began giving away its competing browser.


2002 Marc Chagall's work "Study for 'Over Vitebsk" was found at
a postal installation in Topeka, KS. The 8x10 oil painting is
valued at about $1 million. The work was stolen a year before
from the Jewish Museum in New York City. 

2002 Kmart Corp. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy making it the
largest retailer in history to seek legal protection from its
creditors. 

2003 In New York, the "Leonardo da Vinci, Master Draftsmen"
exhibit opened at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. 

2003 It was reported that scientists in China had found
fossilized remains of a dinosaur with four feathered wings. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Hard drive jumpers for USB (remote) drive use 

Sunday, January 21, 2018, 08:40 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, January 21

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Serial killer caught in Arizona


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 21 in
1865 An oil well was drilled by torpedoes for the first time. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Most people have seen worse things in private than they pretend
to be shocked at in public.
--- Edgar Watson Howe (1853 - 1937)

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the
second half by our children.
--- Clarence Darrow (1857 - 1938)

All Truth passes through Three Stages:
First, it is ridiculed...
Second, it is Violently Opposed...
Third, it is Accepted as being Self-Evident."
--- Arthur Schopenhauer
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Wendy: I can't understand why men are so afraid
of commitment!

Anni: Tell me about it! I lived with one guy for a year
and a half, and I finally had to give him an ultimatum.

Wendy: What did you say?

Anni: I just told him, "Look, either you tell me
your last name, or I am moving out of your house!"
____________________________________________________

From Myrna
Dear Webby,
a few years ago you had that classic bricklayer's
compensation board letter. Do you still have it?
Can you print it again, please?
Thanks
Myrna

Sure, Myrna, here it is. It must be an all time favorite,
because I remember requests for it, when the Humor
Letter was still in fax format, before the Internet.

Dear Sir:
"I am writing in response to your request for
additional information in Block 3 of the accident
report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of  my
accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I
trust the following  details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident,
I was working alone on the roof of a new six story
building. When I completed my work,  found that I had
some bricks left over which, when weighed later were
found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than
carry the  bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them
in a barrel by using a  pulley,which was attached to
the side of the building on the sixth  floor. Securing
the rope at ground level, I went up to the  roof, swung
the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I
went  down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to
ensure a slow  descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form
that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being
jerked off the ground  so suddenly, I lost my presence
of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.  Needless to
say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the
building.  In the vicinity of the third floor, I met
the barrel which was now  proceeding downward at an
equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured
skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as
listed in  section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I  continued my rapid ascent, not
stopping until the fingers of my  right hand were two
knuckles deep into the pulley.  Fortunately by this
time I had regained my  presence of mind and was able
to hold tightly to the  rope, in spite of beginning to
experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of
bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the
barrel. Now  devoid of the weight of the bricks, that
barrel weighed approximately 50  lbs. I refer you again
to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a  rapid
descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity
of the third  floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured  ankles, broken tooth
and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter
with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my
injuries when I fell  into the pile of bricks and
fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I  am
sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of
bricks, in  pain, unable to move, I again lost my
composure and presence of mind and let  go of the rope
and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its
journey  back down onto me. This explains the two
broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




Saudi Arabia Sony2017 winner
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other
doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis."

The doctor calmly replied, " BS! Just wait until the autopsy,
then you'll see that I was right."
_____________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Cleophus Cooksey, 35,
Phoenix,
Arizona

Serial killer caught in Arizona

A man is under arrest in Phoenix, with authorities saying he is
responsible for killing nine people in less than a month.
The accused serial killer, Cleophus Cooksey, killed his parents
on December 17, and after police investigated, they were able
to link him to an additional seven murders in the Phoenix area.
Most of the murders were in separate incidents in a three week
span, and the victims have no apparent link. Cooksey appears
to
have engaged in a murderous crime spree with no rhyme or
reason.

Fox News reports.

An Arizona man is accused of a stunning murder spree in which
he killed nine people in three weeks — a rampage that would
make him one of the most prolific serial killers in the state’s
history.

Cleophus Cooksey Jr., 35, was arrested on Dec. 17, 2017, after
police responded to a call of shots fired in Phoenix. When
officers arrived they found Cooksey’s mother and stepfather
dead. Police said Thursday they did not link Cooksey to the
other homicides until he was in custody.

Police said investigators used shelling casings to link the
murders. Phoenix Mayor Greg Stanton said new technology allowed
officers to determine the evidence was linked to the suspect
quickly.

Cooksey’s other alleged victims include the brother of his ex-
girlfriend and various men and women of black, white and
Hispanic race and ethnicity, AZ Central reported.

The victims include:

– Two men, Andrew Remillard, 27, and Parker Smith, 21, who were
discovered dead Nov. 27.

– One man, Salim Richards, 35, found critically wounded on Dec.
2, and later died at the scene. It was not immediately clear
if
Richards knew the suspect. Police said there were signs of
robbery at the crime scene and a hangun was appeared to have
been taken.

– On Dec. 11, Jesus Bonifacio Real, 25, the brother of
Cooksey’s former girlfriend, was murdered.

– On Dec. 13, Latorrie Beckford, 29, was shot and killed.

– On Dec. 16, 2017, Kristopher Cameron, 21, was discovered shot
to death in a field. Police said Cameron appeared to have met
with the suspect for a drug interaction. On the same day, Maria
Villanueva, 43, was found dead. Villanueva was kidnapped from
her car after the suspect approached her vehicle. The two drove
off before Villanueva was found with signs of sexually assault
and murdered, police said.

– On Dec. 17, Rene Cooksey, 56, the suspect’s mother, and his
stepfather, Edward Nunn, 54, were shot and killed. Cooksey was
then arrested.

Cooksey has a long criminal history, AZ Central reported. The
suspect was convicted of manslaughter when he was 18. While in
prison, he was found guilty of assaulting prison employees,
drug possession and fighting. He was released from prison in
January 2015 and received a DUI in November of that year.

The suspect took up rapping following his prison release, going
by the name “King Playbola.” he posted videos on YouTube
showcasing his skills.

Cooksey was arrested again in May 2016 on a “technical
violation” and went back to prison. He was freed June 20, 2016,
but was arrested and booked in December due to another arrest
warrant. On July 28, 2017, Cooksey was released. Four months
later, he allegedly engaged in the murderous spree.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Dave
Re: USB drive jumpers
Dear Webby,
Congratulations and thanks for a most useful newsletter.
I recently purchased a HD enclosure kit and am having
problems making it work,  Should the hard drive jumpers
be set to slave?

By the way I phoned the companies tech help line.
They weren't.
Dave

Dear Dave
Sorry that your email almost slipped by me!
Yes, the jumper on the portable USB drive needs to be set
to the "SLAVE" position. That way it will accept any
stationary C: drive as it's master, and it will act as a
secondary drive to both your desktop and laptop.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


A crumbling old church building needed
remodeling, so, during his sermon, the
preacher made an impassioned appeal
looking directly at the richest man in town.

At the end of the sermon, the rich man
stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will
contribute $1000."

Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling
and struck the rich man on the shoulder.

He promptly stood back up and shouted,
"Pastor, I will increase my donation to
$5000."

Before he could sit back down, plaster
fell on him again, and this time he
virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will
double my last pledge."

He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster
fell on his head.

He stood up once more and hollered, "Pastor,
I will give $20,000!"

This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him
again, Lord! Hit him again!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



At one point during a soccer game, the coach called one of
his 7- year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand
what cooperation is? What a team is?"

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or
lose together as a team?"

The little boy nodded yes.

"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a foul
is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or
call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?"

Again the little boy nodded.

He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so
another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship
to call your coach 'a fishbrain dumbass'  is it?''

Again the little boy nodded.

"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all
that to your mother."

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Oatmeal Face Scrub
 This is a simple and cheap face scrub that helps get rid
of blackheads. Make a paste with oatmeal and water and
apply it liberally to your face. Let the paste dry completely
and then rub it off with your fingers. As you remove the
oatmeal you will also remove any dead skin. Lastly, rinse
your face with warm water.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

>From Pat in OZ
"It's just to hot to wear clothes today," said Jack
as he stepped out of the shower.  "Honey, what
do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed
the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money."



 
Copenhagen's Urban Birdhouses.

From Catherine
You're still funny after all these years - and informative,
intelligent, just plain useful! Thank you!
Catherine

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 21, in
1789 W.H. Brown's "Power of Sympathy" was published. It was the
first American novel to be published. The novel is also known
as the "Triumph of Nature Founded in Truth". 

1793 During the French Revolution, King Louis XVI was executed
on the guillotine. He had been condemned for treason. 

1853 Dr. Russell L. Hawes patented the envelope folding
machine. 

1865 An oil well was drilled by torpedoes for the first time. 

1900 Canadian troops set sail to fight in South Africa. The
Boers had attacked Ladysmith on January 8, 1900. 

1911 The first Monte Carlo car rally was held. Seven days later
it was won by Henri Rougier. 

1915 The first Kiwanis club was formed in Detroit, MI. 

1924 Soviet leader Vladimir Ilyich Lenin died. Joseph Stalin
began a purge of his rivals for the leadership of the Soviet
Union. 

1927 The first opera broadcast over a national radio network
was presented in Chicago, IL. The opera was "Faust". 

1941 The British communist newspaper, the "Daily Worker," was
banned due to wartime restrictions. 

1954 The Nautilus was launched in Groton, CT. It was the first
atomic-powered submarine. U.S. First Lady Mamie Eisenhower
broke the traditional bottle of champagne across the bow. 

1954 The gas turbine automobile was introduced in New York
City. 

1970 The Boeing 747 made its first commercial flight from New
York to London for Pan American. 

1970 ABC-TV presented "The Johnny Cash Show" in prime time. 

1976 The French Concorde SST aircraft began regular commercial
service for Air France and British Airways. 

1977 U.S. President Carter pardoned almost all Vietnam War
draft evaders. 

1980 Gold was valued at $850 an ounce. 

1994 A jury in Manassas, VA, acquitted Lorena Bobbitt by reason
of temporary insanity of maliciously wounding (severing his
penis) her husband John. She accused him of sexually assaulting
her. 

1997 Newt Gingrich was fined as the U.S. House of
Representatvies voted for first time in history to discipline
its leader for ethical misconduct. 

1998 A former White House intern said on tape that she had an
affair with U.S. President Clinton. 

1999 The U.S. Coast Guard intercepted a ship headed for
Houston, TX, that had over 9,500 pounds of cocaine aboard. It
was one of the largest drug busts in U.S. history. 

2002 In Goma, Congo, about fifty people were killed when lava
flow ignited a gas station. The people killed were trying to
steal fuel from elevated tanks. The eruption of Mount
Nyiragongo began on January 17, 2002. 

2002 In London, a 17th century book by Capt. John Smith,
founder of the English settlement at Jamestown, was sold at
auction for $48,800. "The General History of Virginia, New
England and the Summer Isles" was published in 1632. 

2003 It was announced by the U.S. Census Bureau that estimates
showed that the Hispanic population had passed the black
population for the first time.

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Transfer data from old to new machine 

Saturday, January 20, 2018, 08:44 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, January 20

Now the Federal Government, except the Senators, 
won't get paid for a while. Isn't that back-asswards?

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Suspect charged with attempted murder in 
Times Square traffic stop that injured cop


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 20 in
1841 The island of Hong Kong was ceded to Great Britain. It
returned to Chinese control in July 1997.
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Sure there are dishonest men in local government.
But there are dishonest men in national government too.
--- Richard M. Nixon

Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame
was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a
football player told the priest that he had acted in an
unsportsman-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost
my temper and said some bad words to one of my
opponents."

"Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be
doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a
mark across the sleeve of his coat.

"That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my
opponents."

"Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk
mark.

"There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the
other team's players in the in a sensitive area."

"Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more
chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin'
when you did these awful things?"

"Southern Methodist."

"Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be
boys."

____________________________________________________

>From Myrna
While working in a clothing store, I noticed that people had
no shame about returning items that obviously had been worn.
One rainy morning I walked in and found a discolored blazer
hanging on the rack with other returns. "People return the
most filthy, nasty things," I commented to my supervisor who
was standing nearby.

Eyebrow raised, she said, "That's my jacket."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




Blue Dart Frog, poisonous.
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down,
and yells, "Give me a Budweiser, or . . . !" 

Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser.  This
happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns
into a nervous wreck.

He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand
up for himself.

"Easier said than done," the bartender thinks, but he decides
to try it anyway.  The next day, he asks the barmaid to stand
in for him.
The hooligan returns, slams his fist down and yells, "Give me a
Budweiser, or . . . !"

"ORR WHAT?" she roars at him.

"A small coke, please."

_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Arfhy Santos, 20
William Lopez, 24,
Bronx, New York City,
New York

Suspect charged with attempted murder in 
Times Square traffic stop that injured cop

Authorities believe 20-year-old Arfhy Santos was driving the
vehicle that struck the officer while fleeing the scene, and
that 24-year-old William Lopez was the passenger. Both are from
the Bronx. Santos is charged with attempted murder, assault and
reckless endangerment, while Lopez is charged with reckless
endangerment and reckless driving.

The suspects were taken into custody Wednesday, just hours
after police publicly identified them and released their
photos.

"We had over 20 tips on this in a very short time," NYPD Chief
of Detectives Robert Boyce said. "People were concerned."

Lopez is reportedly the owner of the Mercedes and has at least
three prior arrest. Santos has eight prior arrests, some of
which are sealed because he was a juvenile. They were arrested
on 144th Street between Eighth and Ninth avenues in Harlem.
Police said they were in an apartment and tried to escape out a
window.

And this isn't the first time the suspects have pulled off a
stunt like this. In 2016, police say Santos did a copycat move,
nearly hitting officers and running a dozen red lights in
Washington Heights. And just a day before the Times Square
incident, police say Lopez fled a traffic stop in the same
Mercedes, taking off on the sidewalk and nearly hitting
officers and people. Additionally, they say officer discovered
Lopez had souped up his car with a device that covered his back
license plate during a traffic stop in June.

"You hold down your brake and gas pedal and hit the gear as
hard as you can," Boyce said. "It slows your brakes and you
skid down the street. Idiots do it."

The Times Square incident, which was caught on video, happened
in the heart of the Crossroads of the World around 11:45 p.m.
Saturday.

Authorities say the officer approached a vehicle that was
driving recklessly near 234 West 42nd Street, but the driver
fled the scene after initially stopping.

The black four-door sedan fled westbound on 42nd Street,
towards Eighth Avenue, clipping the officer. He was taken to
Mount Sinai Hospital, where he was treated for minor injuries
to his legs and back.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Mark
Re: Transfer data from old to new machine
Dear Webby,
My wife will soon be taking possession of a new PC with
Windows10. Can you recommend a product or method
to transfer her files & settings from her old PC which is
running Windows8. I understand I need to manually
install the application software that she needs.

Thanks for a great e-zine - it's an awesome start to the day.
Regards
Mark

Dear Mark
You obviously don't read the ads, that I put here for your
convenience.

Since the 80s LapLink has been THE program for doing that.
Once upon a time LapLink sent a bunch of 360 KB 5 1/4" floppies
and a blue serial port cable. Later they had a yellow printer
port cable for even faster transfers. I still have those!

Nowadays it is done wirelessly or via USB cable like between
your camera and the computer.

It is still done with a program from Laplink, called PC Mover.
PC Mover even re-installs all your programs. 

LapLink is the ONLY mover recommended by Microsoft and by
Intel. It even has a total back-up component.

Good Deal! Laplink has never malfunctioned for me, and I have
used it since the 80's.
Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged
on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and in her
piercingly loud voice said, "Mommy, if we give him the money
now, can we go?"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A man is driving home late one afternoon,
and he is driving well above the speed limit.
He notices a police car with its red lights
on in his rear view mirror.  He thinks "I
can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the
race is on.  The cars are racing down the
highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles per hour.

Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the
guy figures "what the heck," and gives up.
He pulls over to the curb.

The police officer gets out of his cruiser and
approaches the car.  He leans down and says,
"Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day,
and I just want to go home.  Give me a good
excuse and I'll let you go."

The man thought for a moment and said... "Three
weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer.
When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror,
I thought that *YOU* were the officer and that
you were trying to make her go back to me."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cream Cheese Sweetheart Cake

By katrine2706 [164 Posts, 54 Comments]
Today I decided to make one with an additional ingredient -
cream cheese. I have always loved to make cheesecake but this
one is a combination of both cheesecake and my favorite
sweetheart snack.

Ingredients:
cake
1 cup flour
1/2 cup cream cheese
1/2 cup natural brown sugar*
1 Tbsp baking powder
1/4 cup grated cheese (cheddar or another mild cheese)
1 cup milk
1/4 cup soft butter

glaze
3 Tbsp powdered sugar
3 Tbsp evaporated milk
1/2 tsp lemon extract
Cream Cheese Sweetheart Cake -  Ingredients
*The sugar shown is natural granulated sugar, often called
"raw". You substitute either white or brown sugar. I use
natural sugar because it has a mild sweetness compared to
white.

Steps:

Mix flour, sugar and baking powder. Set aside.

In another bowl mix soft butter and cream cheese. Whisk until
creamy.
 
Gradually add in the milk. Continue stirring to properly
incorporate the milk with the creamy mixture.

Gradually pour milk mixture over dry ingredients to avoid
lumps. Mix well until well combined. Stir in some grated
cheese.
 
Line pan with a greased foil. This is necessary to easily pull
the cake out of the pan when it's cooked.
Pour mixture in the pan. Sprinkle with grated cheese and bake
at 180C for 40 minutes.

Take it out of the oven and chill.
Meanwhile, mix powdered sugar, evaporated milk and lemon
extract. Stir until sugar melts completely.

Get the cake and pour glaze over it. Sprinkle with the
remaining grated cheese. Chill for 30 minutes.
Cut into blocks and enjoy.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher.

The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder
pregnant."

The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you
know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young student confidently. "Means carrying
a child."



 
This week's People Are Awesome

Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from
her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked
why by her former employer, she answered:

"I never forget a friend. That was for cleaning the
dishes for me all the time!"

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 20, in
1265 The first English parliament met in Westminster Hall. 

1801 John Marshall was appointed chief justice of the United
States. 

1839 Chile defeated a confederation of Peru and Bolivia in the
Battle of Yungay. 

1841 The island of Hong Kong was ceded to Great Britain. It
returned to Chinese control in July 1997. 

1885 The roller coaster was patented by L.A. Thompson. 

1886 The Mersey Railway Tunnel was officially opened by the
Prince of Wales. 

1887 The U.S. Senate approved an agreement to lease Pearl
Harbor in Hawaii as a naval base. 

1892 The first official basketball game was played by students
at the Springfield, MA, YMCA Training School. 

1929 The movie "In Old Arizona" was released. The film was the
first full-length talking film to be filmed outdoors. 

1942 Nazi officials held the Wannsee conference, during which
they arrived at their "final solution" that called for
exterminating Europe's Jews. 

1944 The British RAF dropped 2,300 tons of bombs on Berlin. 

1952 In Juarez, Mexico, Patricia McCormick debuted as the first
professional woman bullfighter from the United States. 

1953 "Studio One" became the first television show to be
transmitted from the United States to Canada. 

1954 The National Negro Network was formed on this date. Forty
radio stations were charter members of the network. 

1972 The number of unemployed in Britain exceeded 1 million. 

1981 Iran released 52 Americans that had been held hostage for
444 days. The hostages were flown to Algeria and then to a U.S.
base in Wiesbaden, West Germany. The release occurred minutes
after the U.S. presidency had passed from Jimmy Carter to
Ronald Reagan. 

1985 The most-watched Super Bowl game in history was seen by an
estimated 115.9 million people. The San Francisco 49ers
defeated the Miami Dolphins, 38-16. Super Bowl XIX marked the
first time that TV commercials sold for a million dollars a
minute. 

1986 The U.S. observed the first federal holiday in honor of
slain civil rights leader Martin Luther King Jr. 

1986 Britain and France announced their plans to build the
Channel Tunnel. 

1986 New footage of the 1931 "Frankenstein" was found. The
footage was originally deleted because it was considered to be
too shocking. 

1987 Anglican Church envoy Terry Waite was kidnapped in Beirut,
Lebanon. He was there attempting to negotiate the release of
Western hostages. He was not freed until November 1991. 

1994 Shannon Faulkner became the first woman to attend classes
at The Citadel in South Carolina. Faulkner joined the cadet
corps in August 1995 under court order but soon dropped out. 

1996 Yasser Arafat was elected president of the Palestinian
Authority and his supporters won two thirds of the 80 seats in
the Legislative Council. 

1997 Bill Clinton was inaugurated for his second term as
president of the United States. 

1998 American researchers announced that they had cloned calves
that may produce medicinal milk. 

1998 In Chile, a judge agreed to hear a lawsuit that accused
Chile's former dictator Augusto Pinochet with genocide. 

1999 The China News Service announced that the Chinese
government was tightening restrictions on internet use. The
rules were aimed at 'Internet Bars.' 

2000 Greece and Turkey signed five accords aimed to build
confidence between the two nations. 

2002 Michael Jordan (Washington Wizards) played his first game
in Chicago as a visiting player. The Wizards beat the Bulls 77-
69.

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Recovering Lost files on SD card 

Friday, January 19, 2018, 10:40 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 19
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
NY coward uses a machine gun to murder 
unarmed 16 year old girl.


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 19 in
1883 Thomas Edison's first village electric lighting system
using overhead wires began operation in Roselle, NJ. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
The greatest use of life is to spend it for something 
that will outlast it.
--- William James (1842 - 1910)

If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent 
would ever get done.
--- Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889 - 1951)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A sight-seeing bus travelling from San Francisco to Muir Woods
National Monument wound around many hairpin curves. After
successfully negotiating a particularly sharp curve, the bus
driver pulled over to the side of the road. "Well, this is a
new twist," he said, surveying his wide-eyed passengers. "I'm
taking a load of petrified tourists to see a living forest!

____________________________________________________

The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty
during the week, that her mother decided to give her the
worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to
the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday.

 When the day came, her mother felt she had been too
harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl
she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one
of gloom and unhappiness.

"What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the
picnic." her mother said.

"It's too late!" the little girl said.
"I've already prayed for rain!"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

On the outskirts of town, there was a big old pecan
tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up
a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of
sight, and began dividing the nuts.

"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me,"
said one boy. Several were dropped and rolled down
towards the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle.
As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside
the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure
enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you
and one for me." He just knew what it was. "Oh my," he
shuddered, "it's Satan and the Lord dividing the souls
at the cemetery.

He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around
the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe
what I heard. Satan and the Lord are down at the
cemetery dividing up the souls."

The man said, "Beat it, kid, can't you see it's hard
for me to walk." When the boy insisted, though, the man
hobble to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they
heard, 
"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for, me."

The man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling the truth.
Let's see if we can see the devil himself." Shaking
with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were
still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy
gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and
tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan.

At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one
last one for you.

That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence,
and we'll be done."

They say the old guy made it back to town 5 minutes
before the boy.
_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Taariq Stephens,
New York City,
New York

NY coward uses a machine gun to murder 
unarmed 16 year old girl.

A New York City teenager used her final breaths to identify the
coward, who killed her after she refused to date him, according
to police.

In May of 2016, 16-year-old Shemel Mercurius was babysitting
her 3-year-old cousin at her Brooklyn apartment. That’s when
Taariq Stephens, now 25, allegedly shot her multiple times with
a machine gun.

Surveillance video from that night shows the alleged killer in
an elevator at her apartment building and later opening fire.
Stephens has been charged with murdering Mercurius.

In court on Monday, police said that they found the victim’s
cousin crying and covered in blood.

One NYPD officer tried to help Mercurius while they waited
around 20 minutes for an ambulance to arrive. She told them
that Stephens had wanted to date her but she wasn’t interested.
She later died at a local hospital.

Stephens faces 25 years to life in prison for second-degree
murder and weapons charges.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Noella
Re: Lost files on SD card
Dear Webby,
I can't find the 2016 pictures on the SD card.
How do I get them back?
Noella


Dear Noella
Try these 6 programs SD card recovery tools

If they don't get back the files you are looking for,
then they are probably on a different SD card.

Important stuff should always be backed up to the cloud,
any web site. That way your data is safe, even if a tornado
moves your house to the next county.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Thanks to Dave for this story:
To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should
switch to lower-fat foods, including skim milk. When she
said her family would drink only whole milk, I suggested
that she keep their regular container and refill it with
skim milk. This worked for quite a while, until her daughter
asked one morning whether the milk was okay.

"Sure, it's fine," my friend answered, fearing she had been
found out. "Why do you ask?"

The daughter explained, "Well, according to the expiration
date, this milk expired two years ago!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




This story is ancient and supposedly true. I originally got it
from an RCMP site in the mid 90s, when that site was still just
basic text.

An RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) officer stopped
to help a stranded rider standing beside a stalled
motorcycle in the mountains. It was extremely cold, and
the rider was heavily dressed in a helmet, balaclava and
snowmobile suit.

In a muffled voice, the rider told the Mountie that the
carburetor was frozen.

A motorcyclist himself, the Mountie remembered an old
trick for just such an occasion. "Try peeing on it," the
Mountie said, "That should unfreeze it."

"Can't," replied the rider.

So the helpful Mountie took out his own equipment and
liberally hosed down the carburetor, and the bike soon
fired up.

A few days later, the local department received a thank
you note from a father, grateful for the roadside
assistance his young daughter had received from the RCMP

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Restaurant Nutrition Information
If you are watching your weight but still like to eat out,
be sure to check out the nutrition information online
before going to restaurant. All major restaurant chains
and fast food restaurant post their nutrition information
on their corporate website. Just type the name of
restaurant and "nutrition information" into your favorite
search engine and you should find the page you are
looking for.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

In my senior year I reluctantly took a required psychology
course.  The first day, the professor commented on each
student's major, trying to provoke a response.  It was
working - some students were becoming defensive.  When it
was my turn, I told him I was a music major.

"So," asked my professor, "what does your father think of
you wasting your education to study music."

"He's just thankful," I shot back, "that I didn't go into
psychology."


 
Impossibly small origami.

Hi Webby
Just to let you know how much I enjoy receiving your E mails
here in Bristol England

Keep up the good work
Zan
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 19, in
1419 Rouen surrendered to Henry V, completing his conquest of
Normandy. 

1793 King Louis XVI was tried by the French Convention, found
guilty of treason and sentenced to the guillotine. 

1825 Ezra Daggett and Thomas Kensett of New York City patented
a canning process to preserve salmon, oysters and lobsters. 

1883 Thomas Edison's first village electric lighting system
using overhead wires began operation in Roselle, NJ. 

1915 George Claude, of Paris, France, patented the neon
discharge tube for use in advertising signs. 

1915 More than 20 people were killed when German zeppelins
bombed England for the first time. The bombs were dropped on
Great Yarmouth and King's Lynn. 

1937 Howard Hughes set a transcontinental air record. He flew
from Los Angeles to New York City in 7 hours, 28 minutes and 25
seconds. 

1942 The Japanese invaded Burma (later Myanmar). 

1944 The U.S. federal government relinquished control of the
nation's railroads after the settlement of a wage dispute. 

1949 The salary of the President of the United States was
increased from $75,000 to $100,000 with an additional $50,000
expense allowance for each year in office. 

1953 Sixty-eight percent of all TV sets in the U.S. were tuned
to CBS-TV, as Lucy Ricardo, of "I Love Lucy," gave birth to a
baby boy.

1955 U.S. President Eisenhower allowed a filmed news conference
to be used on television (and in movie newsreels) for the first
time. 

1957 Philadelphia comedian, Ernie Kovacs, did a half-hour TV
show without saying a single word of dialogue. 

1966 Indira Gandhi was elected prime minister of India. 

1969 In protest against the Russian invasion of 1968, Czech
student Jan Palach set himself on fire in Prague's Wenceslas
Square. 

1971 At the Charles Manson murder trial, the Beatles' "Helter
Skelter" was played. At the scene of one of his gruesome
murders, the words "helter skelter" were written on a mirror. 

1977 U.S. President Ford pardoned Iva Toguri D'Aquino (the
"Tokyo Rose"). 

1981 The U.S. and Iran signed an agreement paving the way for
the release of 52 Americans held hostage for more than 14
months and for arrangements to unfreeze Iranian assets and to
resolve all claims against Iran. 

1983 China announced that it was bannning 1983 purchases of
cotton, soybeans and chemical fibers from the United States. 

1993 IBM announced a loss of $4.97 billion for 1992. It was the
largest single-year loss in U.S. corporate history. 

1995 Russian forces overwhelmed the resistance forces in
Chechnya. 

1996 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was subpoenaed to
appear before a federal grand jury. The investigation was
concerning the discovery of billing records related to the
Whitewater real estate investment venture. 

1997 Yasser Arafat returned to Hebron for the first time in
more than 30 years. He joined 60,000 Palestinians in
celebration over the handover of the last West Bank city in
Israeli control. 

2001 Texas officials demoted a warden and suspended three other
prison workers in the wake of the escape of the "Texas 7." 

2006 NASA's New Horizons spacecraft was launched. The mission
was the first to investigate Pluto. 

2013 In Scottsdale, AZ, the original Batmobile for the TV
series "Batman" sold at auction for $4.6 million. It was the
first of six Batmobiles produced for the show. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Precise positioning of pictures and and wrap in WORD 

Thursday, January 18, 2018, 10:05 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 18

Did I scare you with my picture?


Telus, my ISP had some problems today.
The biggest, of course, was that the Taliban paid to do tech
support from Pakistan or thereabouts, have no clucking fue, 
and have no real Internet access. They just sit in some
laundromat and mumble and try to make clients believe, the
problem is on the client's side. The Taliban don't even know
what a trace route is!

In case you don't either, even if you are not a Taliban, 
Click on START
type cmd and hit ENTER
You get the scary black DOS screen.
Type 
tracert webby.com
and hit ENTER
(instead of webby.com you can type the name of your ISP, or
google.com)
After a second your computer will start doing a trace.
It will list all the sub stations and internet jumps between
you and your target.

If you see *, that means a pothole on the route.
Three stars means a sub station is in major trouble.

If the trace works fine for a few jumps, then goes to stars,
the problem is far away from you.

Sometimes, though rarely, hitting the reset button on your
modem will cause it to switch to a different DNS (Internet road
map) and will then get through if you try the tracert again.

Tracert is nothing new. No change with it since 1992.
However, I have yet to meet a Taliban who understands that if
your trace route goes 6 jump lines towards your destination,
then craps out, the problem is NOT in your computer. 
They just don't get it. Must be something religious.

Well, eventually, resetting my modem the trird time, I finally
got through to the net again.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Iowa Man wearing GPS tracker on ankle arrested 
for gas station robbery


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 18 in
1896 The x-ray machine was exhibited for the first time. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
I once said cynically of a politician, 'He'll doublecross 
that bridge when he comes to it.'
--- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972) 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

An office reports that they have an answering machine that
instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell
any difficult words.

Early one Monday when the secretary was reviewing the weekend
messages, she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her
name and address and then confidently offer,
"My difficult word is reconciliation.
R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N."

____________________________________________________

After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home
with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated
Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes.

A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard.
She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?"

There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine
voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________
Thanks to Fran for this story:

Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband
was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap.
I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said
sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same hand-
some young man I married."

"Honey," he replied, "Without my glasses, you still look
pretty good too!"

_____________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Seith William Keith, 30,
Davenport,
Iowa

Man wearing GPS tracker on ankle arrested 
for gas station robbery

A Davenport parolee was arrested Tuesday afternoon in
connection with an armed robbery at a Mount Joy gas station
Monday.

Seith William Keith, 30, last known address in the 400 block of
West 4th Street, was booked into the Scott County Jail at 4:05
p.m. on charges of first-degree robbery, a Class B punishable
by up to 25 years in prison, and assault while displaying a
dangerous weapon, an aggravated misdemeanor.

He also is charged with two counts of failure to register as a
sex offender-second or subsequent offense, a Class D felony
punishable by up to five years in prison.

He is expected to make an initial appearance on the charges
Wednesday morning.

According to arrest affidavits released Tuesday night by the
Scott County Sheriff’s Office:

At 8:50 p.m. Monday, Keith walked into the Mt. Joy Amoco BP,
displayed a knife and assaulted the clerk by pushing, hitting
and cutting her arm. The injury to the clerk’s arm required
stitches.

He then tried to open the register but was unable to and fled
the store. Surveillance video showed Keith’s face, which was
positively identified by law enforcement.

He is on parole and has a GPS ankle device that placed him at
the gas station during the robbery.

Keith was arrested at 1:34 p.m. during a traffic stop at East
Locust and Iowa streets in Davenport.

He admitted to law enforcement that he went to the store,
displayed the knife and pushed the clerk to the ground and
scuffled with her.

Keith also admitted that he intended to take money and that he
fled in the same vehicle he was arrested in.

An officer who checked with Keith’s parole officer reported
that he had been terminated from his job in September and did
not report that information within five business days, which he
is required to do under the Iowa Sex Offender Registry.

Keith admitted that he had not worked at his former workplace
for a few months, but said he reported the information.

He has prior convictions for registry violations in 2008, 2010,
and 2012, according to the affidavits.

In January 2013, he was sentenced to up to 10 years in prison
on two counts of delivery of a controlled substance and a
concurrent sentence of up to five years in prison on a third-
degree burglary charge.

The sentences were ordered to run concurrent to a sentence of
up to five years in prison imposed in October 2012 after a
judge ruled that he violated his probation for a sex offender
registry violation charge, court records show.

He was released from prison in April, according to Iowa
Department of Corrections online records. His parole is slated
to be discharged in December, according to the IDOC website.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Allen
Re: Precise picture positioning in WORD
Dear Webby,
How can I position a picture with word at the precise place
where I want it, intead of where WORD wants to put it?
Thanks
Allen

Dear Allen
That's a secret, as far as Microsoft is concerned,but it
can be done quite easily.

Click on the picture to make it active.
Then click on the little doggie icon for Text Wrap.
Select TIGHT.
The picture will probably scoot off to somewhere else,
where it is not suppoded to be, often on the next page.
Click on it a couple of times and then you can drag it to
where it belongs. It will probably change it's width and
hight in the process, but now you can squish it to the
exact size you want, andyou can even rotate it.

The TIGHT text wrap setting will make the text flow around
it and match the contours.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


A patient was waiting nervously in the
examination room of a famous specialist.

"So who did you see before coming to me?"
asked the important doctor.

"My local General Practitioner, Dr. Cohen."

"Your GP?" scoffed the doctor.  "What a waste of time.
Tell me, what sort of stupid and useless advice did
Cohen give you?"

"He told me to go and see you."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



Thanks to Sandie for this story:
There was a church that had a very big-busted organist. Her
breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she
played the organ.
Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said
something had to be done about this or they would
have to get another organist.

One of the ladies approached her very discreetly and told her
to mash up some green persimmons, and rub them on her breasts
and maybe they would shrink in size but warned her to not eat
any of the green persimmons though because they are so sour
they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to
talk properly for a while. She agreed
to try it.

The following Sunday morning the minister got up on the pulpit
and said: "Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol we will
not hath a thermon tewday
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Get the Most From Your Doctor's Visit
Before visiting the doctor, make sure to write down any
questions you have so that you don't forget to ask them.
Doctors are usually in a hurry, so don't let them rush you
and make sure all your questions are answered before
he/she rushes off to the next customer.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

The pastor of a church was taking his first trip away on a
Sunday, and he asked another pastor to come in and preach the
service for him.

The substitute pastor agreed to come. He was quite young, just
outof seminary, and this was his first time preaching.

When he got up to speak on Sunday, he tried to explain to the
congregation why he'd come, and give them some comfort about
it. He pointed up to the stained glass windows to illustrate
this. "You see where there's a missing pane, and there's a
piece of cardboard over it? That's sort of what I'm doing. I'm
just filling in the space until your pastor returns."

He went on about this a little bit, then went into his sermon.
The young substitute pastor gave a wonderful, inspired talk
that Sunday.

After the service, a lovely old woman came up to him, took his
hand, and said, "Pastor, don't you ever let anyone say that
you're like that piece of cardboard. Believe me, you are the
real pane!"



 
I wouldn't mind flying if I could fly in this plane!

"Information? I need the number of the
Caseway Insurance Company."

"Would you spell that, please?"

"Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as
in eye.  W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you."

"Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 18, in
1778 English navigator Captain James Cook discovered the
Hawaiian Islands, which he called the "Sandwich Islands." 

1788 The first English settlers arrived in Australia's Botany
Bay to establish a penal colony. The group moved north eight
days later and settled at Port Jackson. 

1871 Wilhelm, King of Prussia from 1861, was proclaimed the
first German Emperor. 

1886 The Hockey Association was formed in England. This date is
the birthday of modern field hockey. 

1896 The x-ray machine was exhibited for the first time. 

1911 For the first time an aircraft landed on a ship. Pilot
Eugene B. Ely flew onto the deck of the USS Pennsylvania in San
Francisco harbor. 

1919 The World War I Peace Congress opened in Versailles,
France. 

1939 Louis Armstrong and his orchestra recorded "Jeepers
Creepers." 

1943 During World War II, the Soviets announced that they had
broken the Nazi siege of Leningrad, which had began in
September of 1941. 

1943 U.S. commercial bakers stopped selling sliced bread. Only
whole loaves were sold during the ban until the end of World
War II. 

1957 The first, non-stop, around-the-world, jet flight came to
an end at Riverside, CA. The plane was refueled in mid-flight
by huge aerial tankers. 

1958 Willie O'Ree made his NHL debut with the Boston Bruins. He
was the first black player to enter the league. 

1964 The plans for the original World Trade Center in New York
were unveiled to the public. 

1967 Albert DeSalvo, who claimed to be the "Boston Strangler,"
was convicted in Cambridge, MA, of armed robbery, assault and
sex offenses. He was sentenced to life in prison. Desalvo was
killed in 1973 by a fellow inmate. 

1972 Former Rhodesian prime minister Garfield Todd and his
daughter were placed under house arrest for campaigning against
Rhodesian independence. 

1978 The European Court of Human Rights cleared the British
government of torture but found it guilty of inhuman and
degrading treatment of prisoners in Northern Ireland. 

1990 A jury in Los Angeles, CA, acquitted former preschool
operators Raymond Buckey and his mother, Peggy McMartin Buckey,
of 52 child molestation charges. 

1990 In an FBI sting, Washington, DC, Mayor Marion Barry was
arrested for drug possession. He was later convicted of a
misdemeanor. 

1991 Eastern Airlines shut down after 62 years in business due
to financial problems. 

1993 The Martin Luther King Jr. holiday was observed in all 50
U.S. states for the first time. 

1995 The "yahoo.com" domain was created. 

1995 A network of caves was discovered near the town of Vallon-
Pont-d'Arc in southern France. The caves contained paintings
and engravings that were 17,000 to 20,000 years old. 

1997 Hutu militiamen killed three Spanish aid workers and three
soldiers and seriously wounded an American in a night attack in
NW Rwanda. 

2000 The Chinese web services company Baidu, Inc. was
incorporated in Beijing. 

2002 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced the
approval of a saliva-based ovulation test. 

2012 Wikipedia began a 24-hour "blackout" in protest against
proposed anti-piracy legislation (S. 968 and H.R. 3261) known
as the Protect Intellectual Property Act (PIPA) in the Senate
and the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House. Many
websites, including Reddit, Google, Facebook, Amazon and
others, contended would make it challenging if not impossible
for them to operate. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Power converters for traveling 

Wednesday, January 17, 2018, 08:40 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 17


No Gullible Warming here.

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Teenager locked in Audi and raped by man 
offering a lift home ‘for her safety’


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 17 in
1893 The Kingdom of Hawaii's monarchy was overthrown when a
group of lawyers and businessmen and sugar planters forced
Queen Liliuokalani to abdicate. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better
with a word processor.', I replied, 'They used to say the same
thing about drugs.'
--- Roy Blount Jr.

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, 
and good fortune to others.
--- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914)

In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested.
Then God created woman.
 Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Bob had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it
was little Joey's job to set the table. But when it came
time to eat, Joey's mother said with surprise,
"Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?"

"I didn't think I needed to," as everyone listened as Joey
explained, "I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse."

____________________________________________________

During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was
speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble
controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the
congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually
not such a big goob."

The bishop rose to close the session and remarked,
"That's okay. We like big boobs."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




Ubud, Bali
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

"Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on
strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the
Doctors' demands are, as soon as they can get a pharmacist 
over there to read the picket signs."

_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Andrew Green,
44,
Atherton,
England

Teenager locked in Audi and raped by man 
offering a lift home ‘for her safety’

A man has been jailed after he offered a teenager a lift home
‘for her safety’ then raped her. The 18-year-old was waiting
for a cab when Andrew Green pulled up in his white car. She
mistook this for her taxi so got in.

However, when she realised Green, 44, wasn’t a private hire
driver, he locked the doors preventing her from getting out.
She said she wanted to get out of the car but he told her he
wanted to give her a lift home because his daughter was the
same age and he hoped someone would help her if she was on her
own. 

She offered him £10 to get away from the situation, but he then
turned aggressive. Police said he then raped her ‘knowing she
had nowhere to run and nowhere to hide’. 

Det Con Claire Hughes, of GMP’s Leigh CID, added: ‘It’s
absolutely sickening that he tried to portray himself as a Good
Samaritan when his only intentions were rape.’ Green, from
Atherton, has was sentenced to six years and nine months in
jail at Bolton Crown Court on Monday after earlier pleading
guilty to rape.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Karen
Re: Power Converters
Dear Webby,
What kind of power converters do I need for my laptop,
camera and travel printer for traveling to Europe?
Karen

Dear Karen
Most likely all you need is a light weight power bar like
you use for very low power appliances like Christmas lights.
Cut off the plug. When you get there,
buy a cheap cord plug at any supermarket or electrical
store, and put it at the cut end of your power cord.

Almost all laptop and camera chargers are labeled
100V - 240V. They don't care. All you need to adapt is
the plug at the end of your extension cord so that
it fits into the quaint sockets, that they have over there.

Most European countries use the same voltage, but
differently shaped outlets, and some countries have
more than one style. If you travel around much, you
will soon accumulate a nice collection of plugs.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Manager: "For a man with no experience, you are certainly
asking for a high salary."

Applicant: "Well, the work is much harder when you don't
know what you're doing!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A  boy  was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what  to  say?"  he asked.  

"God tells me."  

"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fruity Valentine Gelatin
By joanWZ [118 Posts, 41 Comments]
It's a fruity dessert for Valentine's Day! Not just for
boyfriends and girlfriends but because I am a mom, for the
whole family. I especially made this recipe for my two kids.



Prep Time: 3 mins.

Cook Time: 5 mins.

Total Time: 10 mins.

Ingredients:
3 cups water
1 sachet gelatin
1 cup white sugar
2 slices papaya, cut into small slices (or any fruit you want)
2 Tbsp sprinkles

Steps:

In a pan on low heat, add water and sachet of gelatin.
adding gelatin packet
Stir for 2 minutes on low heat.
After 2 minutes add the sugar.

Then, prepare the mold for the gelatin, and place the cut
papaya fruit.
After 5 minutes of stirring pour mixture through a strainer
into the mold. This will eliminate lumps in the gelatin.

Put it in the refrigerator for 30 minutes.
Remove from mold. Decorate with sprinkles, chocolate chips,
honey or anything you like. It is now ready to serve!

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Make sure you use KNOX Gelatin for this
recipe, NOT Jello, which is mostly sugar and 1/4 of the gelatin
of a sachet of KNOX.
If you use Jello, don't add sugar, and stir on low heat 5
minutes instead of 2.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

____________________________________________________

Our Air National guard unit conducted weapons-qualifying
at the firing range. We had been issued our last rounds of
ammo and were firing at the silhouettes, when a great gust
of wind ripped the targets from their frames, and they
fluttered away.

Firing stopped as we looked to the range officials.

"Keep shooting, Boys," a voice yelled.
"We've got 'em on the run now."



 
How about spending the night in an ice hotel modeled on A Game Of Thrones in Finland.

Thanks to Sandie for bringing back this classic:

A business man got on an elevator.
When he entered, there was a blonde already
inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."
He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."
She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.
He again answered, "S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her
biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."
The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."
The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.
'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered,
"S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 17, in
1377 The Papal See was transferred from Avignon in France back
to Rome. 

1562 French Protestants were recognized under the Edict of St.
Germain. 

1773 Captain Cook's Resolution became the first ship to cross
the Antarctic Circle. 

1852 The independence of the Transvaal Boers was recognized by
Britain. 

1871 Andrew S. Hallidie received a patent for a cable car
system. 

1882 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Crystal Palace
Exhibition in London. 

1893 The Kingdom of Hawaii's monarchy was overthrown when a
group of lawyers and businessmen and sugar planters forced
Queen Liliuokalani to abdicate. 

1900 The U.S. took Wake Island where there was an important
cable link between Hawaii and Manila. 

1900 Yaqui Indians in Texas proclaimed their independence from
Mexico. 

1900 Mormon Brigham Roberts was denied a seat in the U.S. House
of Representatives for his practicing of polygamy. 

1905 Punchboards were patented by a manufacturing firm in
Chicago, IL. 

1912 English explorer Robert Falcon Scott reached the South
Pole. Norwegian Roald Amundsen had beaten him there by one
month. Scott and his party died during the return trip. 

1913 All partner interests in 36 Golden Rule Stores were
consolidated and incorporated in Utah into one company. The new
corporation was the J.C. Penney Company. 

1928 The fully automatic film-developing machine was patented
by A.M. Josepho. 

1934 Ferdinand Porsche submitted a design for a people's car, a
"Volkswagen," to the new German Reich government. 

1945 Soviet and Polish forces liberated Warsaw during World War
II. 

1945 Swedish diplomat Raoul Wallenberg disappeared in Hungary
while in Soviet custody. Wallenberg was credited with saving
tens of thousands of Jews. 

1959 Senegal and the French Sudan joined to form the Federal
State of Mali. 

1961 In his farewell address, U.S. President Eisenhower warned
against the rise of "the military-industrial complex." 

1966 A B-52 carrying four H-bombs collided with a refuelling
tanker. The bombs were released and eight crewmembers were
killed. 

1977 Double murderer Gary Gilmore became the first to be
executed in the U.S. in a decade. The firing squad took place
at Utah State Prison. 

1991 Coalition airstrikes began against Iraq after negotiations
failed to get Iraq to retreat from the country of Kuwait. 

1992 An IRA bomb, placed next to a remote country road in
County Tyrone, Northern Ireland, killed seven building workers
and injured seven others. 

1994 The Northridge earthquake rocked Los Angeles, CA,
registering a 6.7 on the Richter Scale. At least 61 people were
killed and about $20 billion in damage was caused. 

1995 More than 6,000 people were killed when an earthquake with
a magnitude of 7.2 devastated the city of Kobe, Japan. 

1997 A court in Ireland granted the first divorce in the Roman
Catholic country's history. 

1997 Israel gave over 80% of Hebron to Palestinian rule, but
held the remainder where several hundred Jewish settlers lived
among 20,000 Palestinians. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton gave his deposition in the Paula
Jones sexual harassment lawsuit against him. He was the first
U.S. President to testify as a defendant in a criminal or civil
lawsuit. 

2000 British pharmaceutical companies Glaxo Wellcome PLC and
SmithKline Beecham PLC agreed to a merger that created the
world's largest drugmaker. 

2001 Congo's President Laurent Kabila was shot and killed
during a coup attempt. Congolese officials temporarily placed
Kabila's son in charge of the government. 

2001 The director of Palestinian TV, Hisham Miki, was killed at
a restaurant when three masked gunmen walked up to his table
and shot him more than 10 times. 

2002 It was announced that Microsoft had signed a joint venture
agreement to produce software with two partners in China. The
two partners were Beijin Centergate Technologies (Holding) Co.
and the Stone Group.

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

How to make a screen saver 

Tuesday, January 16, 2018, 07:00 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 16

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Killer arrested after he murdereed tow truck 
driver repossessing vehicle. 


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 16 in
1572 The Duke of Norfolk was tried for treason for complicity
in the Ridolfi plot to restore Catholicism in England. He was
executed on June 2. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be
an apostrophe with fur.
--- Doug Larson

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
--- H. G. Wells (1866 - 1946)

I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.
--- Marshall McLuhan

I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which,
when you looked at it in the right way,
did not become still more complicated.
--- Poul Anderson
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask
a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave
him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a
child."

"Sorry!" responded the underclassman.
"I didn't realize you were pregnant."
____________________________________________________

An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked
the pharmacist for the little blue pill. The pharmacist asked
"How many?"

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each
one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That's too small a dose. That won't get
you through intimacy.

The old fellow said, "Oh, I'm past ninety years old and I don't
even think about intimacy much anymore. I just want it to
stick out far enough so I don't pee on my new golf shoes."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




'Stift Rein IX' in Eisbach, Styria, Austria
No light reading in those days!
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

You'll Know Yours Is A Redneck Church If:

* The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the
purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows
how to play one.

* People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000,
whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait
was used to catch 'em.

* The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up
the offering." Then five guys and two women stand up.

* Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official
church holiday.

* A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-
wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole
it couldn't get out of."

* The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

* In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven
last names in the church directory.

* Baptism is referred to as "branding".

* There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic
tank.

* Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

* High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to
howling.

* People think "rapture" is what you get when you slip
while lifting a beer keg.

* The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub.

* The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with
the logo from) Billy Bob's Towing and Junkyard.

* The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

* Instead of a bell, you are called to service by an Ah-Oogha
horn. 

* The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. 

* The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink", in
Styrofoam cups. 

" Thou shalt not covet" applies only to hunting dogs. 

* The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back
now!! Ya Hear"
_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Anton Robinson, 20,
Petersburg,
Virginia

Killer arrested after he murdereed tow truck 
driver repossessing vehicle. 

According WTVR, Cindy and Jimmy Lee, owners of River City
Recovery, are mourning the sudden and senseless death of their
beloved employee, Allan Humphries. The 42-year-old man was
murdered Thursday morning, shot in the back of the head while
trying to repossess a car, according to Petersburg Police.

 The police officer had answered Allan`s phone,  said Cindy.
His best friend had called him to check on him and he hadn't
answered the phone. 

Twenty-year-old Anton Robinson has been charged with first-
degree murder in connection to the shooting. The Lees said
Humphries never saw it coming.

 It wasn`t an altercation, because if there was an altercation,
he would have left,  said Jimmy.  We`re all trained the same
way. No vehicle is worth your life."

The couple said that Humphries leaves behind a mother, brother,
son, and young granddaughter.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Marcy
Re: Deleting individual cookies

Good morning Webby
I really like the picture of the 2 kids and the bird and would
like to use it as a screen saver but I'm not sure how to do it.
Could you tell me how to do it?

I read your news letter the first thing every morning.
peddlerfrank  

Dear Frank
Make a new, easy to find, folder, name it Keepers
Save the big version of the pictue to that folder. 
You can save all kinds of "keepers" to that folder. 

Open the Control Panel. 
Double-click on the display icon. 
Click the screen saver tab. 
Select Slideshow 
In there you can select the location of the files you want, 
your Keepers folder,
and the delay and the duration of each picture.

It is a good idea to make a subdirectory or two inside that
Keepers directory.
Make one for "Staging" (getting ready for Fathers Day) and one
for "Bored", where you park the Christmas pictures, that you
are bored with for now.
Next December you can drag them upstairs to the Keepers
directory, that the slide show looks for, and drag the
Halloween pictures down to "Bored".

You can have one or thousands of files in the Keepers folder.

Set the delay to at least 30 seconds, so that the screen saver
does not come on every time you stop to sneeze.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


A tenant in an apartment house phoned the police that there
was a fight going on in the apartment right over him. So
when the policeman arrived at the upstairs apartment, he
heard furniture being thrown around and signs of a good
old family brawl. 

He rapped on the door with his night stick and the door was
opened by a very determined and disheveled woman.

"Who's head of the family here?"

"You just wait a minute and I'll tell you. That's what we're
trying to settle inside.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




Our parish priest was making his visits to several homes
in the neighborhood.  He knocked on one door, and a little
4-year-old boy opened it.  When he saw the priest, he
called to his dad,
"Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!"

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Put a Pan Under Sink When Making Repairs
If you change the faucet or drain in your kitchen or
bathroom sink, put a shallow pan under the sink to catch
any drips. Keep the pan there for 4 weeks to make sure
water isn't accumulating. Check it periodically and tighten
fixtures if necessary.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

A college professor asked his class a question. "If
Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago
is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is
2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?"

One student in the back of the class raised his hand
and when called upon said "Professor you're 44.."

The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but
tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"

The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother;
he's 22, and he's half nuts."



 

The Worldâ  s Steepest Cliff Railway Just Opened in the Swiss Alps
One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members
were being introduced to other members and shown around.
The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep
in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and
can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget."

They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a
story.

"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting
expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three
days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so
tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid
my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep.
I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened
by a noise in the bushes.
I was reaching for my gun when the biggest damn lion I'd
ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this:
RRROOAARRR!!!
...........I tell you, I just messed my pants."

The young men looked astonished and one of them said,
"I don't blame you, I would have messed my pants too if a
lion jumped out at me."

The old man shook his head and said, "No, no... not back
then, just now, when I said RRROOAAARRR!!!"
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 16, in
1547 Ivan the Terrible was crowned Czar of Russia. 

1572 The Duke of Norfolk was tried for treason for complicity
in the Ridolfi plot to restore Catholicism in England. He was
executed on June 2. 

1759 The British Museum opened. 

1809 The British defeated the French at the Battle of Corunna,
in the Peninsular War. 

1866 Everett Barney patented the metal screw, clamp skate. 

1883 The United States Civil Service Commission was established
as the Pendleton Act went into effect. 

1900 The U.S. Senate consented to the Anglo-German treaty of
1899, by which the U.K. renounced rights to the Samoan islands.


1919 The 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which
prohibited the sale or transportation of alcoholic beverages,
was ratified. It was later repealed by the 21st Amendment. 

1920 Prohibition went into effect in the U.S. 

1920 The motion picture "The Kid" opened. 

1925 Leon Trotsky was dismissed as Chairman of the
Revolutionary Council of the USSR. 

1939 The "I Love a Mystery" debuted on NBC’s West-Coast
outlets. 

1944 General Dwight D. Eisenhower took command of the Allied
invasion force in London. 

1961 Mickey Mantle signed a contract that made him the highest
paid baseball player in the American League at $75,000 for the
1961 season. 

1964 "Hello Dolly!" opened at the St. James Theatre in New York
City. 

1970 Colonel Muammar el-Quaddafi became virtual president of
Libya. 

1970 Buckminster Fuller, the designer of the geodesic dome, was
awarded the Gold Medal of the American Institute of Architects.


1979 The Shah of Iran and his family fled Iran for Egypt. 

1982 Britain and the Vatican resumed full diplomatic relations
after a break of over 400 years. 

1985 "Playboy" magazine announced its 30-year tradition of
stapling centerfold models in the bellybutton and elsewhere
would come to an immediate end. 

1988 Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder was fired as a CBS sports
commentator one day after telling a TV station in Washington,
DC, that, during the era of slavery, blacks had been bred to
produce stronger offspring. 

1998 Researchers announce that an altered gene helped to defend
against HIV. 

1991 The White House announced the start of Operation Desert
Storm. The operation was designed to drive Iraqi forces out of
Kuwait. 

1992 Officials of the government of El Salvador and rebel
leaders signed a pact in Mexico City ending 12 years of civil
war. At least 75,000 people were killed during the fighting. 

1998 The first woman to enroll at Virginia Military Institute
withdrew from the school. 

1998 NASA officially announced that John Glenn would fly aboard
the space shuttle Discovery in October. 

1998 It was announced that Texas would receive $15.3 billion in
a tobacco industry settlement. The payouts were planned to take
place over 25 years. 

1998 Three federal judges secretly granted Kenneth Starr
authority to probe whether U.S. President Clinton or Vernon
Jordan urged Monica Lewinsky to lie about her relationship with
Clinton. 

2000 Ricardo Lagos was elected Chile's first socialist
president since Salvador Allende. 

2002 U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced that John
Walker Lindh would be brought to the United States to face
trial. He was charged in U.S. District Court in Alexandria, VA,
with conspiracy to kill U.S. citizens, providing support to
terrorist organizations, and engaging in prohibited
transactions with the Taliban of Afghanistan. 

2002 The U.N. Security Council unanimously adopted sanctions
against Osama bin Laden, his terror network and the remnants of
the Taliban. The sanctions required that all nations impose
arms embargoes and freeze their finances. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Delete individual cookies 

Monday, January 15, 2018, 10:35 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 15

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man pulled over took 30 seconds to wake up


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 15 in
2001 Wikipedia was launched.
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from
happening all at once. Lately it doesn't seem to be working.
--- Socratex

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
--- Aldous Huxley
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern
Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles
inland from Lake Huron.  He didn't have a cell phone or CB
radio in his car, so he decided to use his marine radio to get
help.  Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters
and asked for assistance.

A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location."

"I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish."

The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?"

"I-75, two miles south of Standish."

A longer pause.  Then an incredulous voice asked,
"How fast were you going when you hit shore?"

____________________________________________________

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to
shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you,
that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"

The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't
use that kind of language in the Lord's House.

The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that
sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!"

The preacher said, "No shit?"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Judi was almost crazy with her three kids.  She complained
to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such  pests,
they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch."

"What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from
yourself," her friend said.

So Judi bought a playpen.  A few days later, her friend
called to ask how things were going.

"Superb!  I can't believe it," Judi said. "I get in that
pen with my laptop and a thermos of coffee, and the kids don't bother me one bit!"

_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Moonhoon Choi, 36,
Jacksonville,
Florida

Man pulled over took 30 seconds to wake up

St. Johns County officials arrested Moonhoon Choi, 36, of
Wisconsin, on Jan. 8 for drunk driving on U.S. 1 just South off
Race Track Rd. with a breath alcohol test of 0.198.

Responding to numerous complaints, officials found Choi asleep
in the driver's seat of his car, parked in the right lane of
U.S. 1 while traffic was free-flowing.

After about 30 seconds of banging on the window to wake him up,
Choi tried to drive forward, nearly hitting a PSA vehicle.

Officers managed to stop the car, and Choi stepped out of the
vehicle.

An officer asked Choi where he was coming from, and Choi
responded "Jacksonville." He then asked where he was headed and
Choi responded "Jacksonville".

Choi reportedly had the odor of alcohol emanating from his
person, and claimed he "had a couple of beers" and that he and
his friend were coming from the "brewery".

Officers then asked Choi to do a few Field Sobriety tests,
which he agreed to, and was unable to properly follow
instructions.

On at least three separate attempts he moved his head left and
right instead of his eyes, he was unable to stay heel-to-toe on
the line during the walk and turn test, and he was unable to do
a one-leg stand without bending his knee or stepping down.

Choi was arrested for operating a motor vehicle under the
influence of alcohol.

Choi's passenger, Changhyun Ahn, was also under the influence
and, due to his inebriation, was unable to be left on the
roadside without risking injury to himself or others.

Unable to contact anyone they knew, police took Ahn to the
county jail and placed him into protective custody.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Marcy
Re: Deleting individual cookies
Dear Webby, 
Thank you for the information.  Now for the stupid question
~How do I clear just that cookie?   I have used a computer
for about 7 years,  but I really don't have much knowledge
of how to do things unless someone tells me.  I If you have
the time,  could you please tell me how to remove just one
or two cookies?  Thank you~
Marcy

Dear Marcy
The easiest way to sort out and clean your cookies is with
CrapCleaner.
In case you are one of the very few subscribers who have
not gotten CrapCleaner yet, go to my toolbox at
http://webby.com/tools
and grab it. It's free!

In CrapCleaner go to OPTIONS, COOKIES
and drag the keepers (bank, Amazon, Barns&Noble, etc)
to the right, and the ones you don't need to the left.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


A young woman wasn't feeling well, and asked one her
co-workers to recommend a physician. "I know a great
one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred
dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for
each one after that."

The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to
save a little money, cheerily announced. "I'm back!"

Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined
her, squeezed a bit here and there, and said, "Very good, just
continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition.
My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 10-month
old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?"

She said "Give him some vegetables."

It turns out that jalapeno is not his favorite.

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Melanie's Greatest Ever Granola
Mix: 1 cup of whole wheat flour,
4 cups of quick oatmeal,
1 cup of slivered almonds,
1 cup of coconut and
1/2 cup of brown sugar.
Stir well, then add:
1/2 cup oil and
1/2 cup of honey.
Directions: Combine it all well breaking up clumps then
place on large cookie sheet and bake at 350 degrees F
till golden brown. Use a spatula a few times and stir it
around now and then. Can add raisins or dried fruit when
done. Store in air tight container when cool. Great for
breakfast with milk as a cereal or you can use in a granola
bar recipe.
By Melanie
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

Morris went to his lawyer Birnbaum and told him, "My
neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up.
What should I do?"

"Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer.

"Nope," Morris replied.

"Okay, then write him a nasty letter asking him for the
$1000 he owes you," said the lawyer Birnbaum.

"But it's only $500," Morris insisted.

"Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will
then have the proof we need to nail him."



 

The World’s Steepest Cliff Railway Just Opened in the Swiss Alps

I look forward to the "Dear Webby's Humor Letter" every day.
I enjoy the clean jokes, great tips, good thoughts/sayings,
lots of valuable information.  Plus, I don't have to worry
about the grandchildren reading this e-mail.  Keep up the good
work 
Nellie

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 15, in
1559 England's Queen Elizabeth I (Elizabeth Tudor) was crowned
in Westminster Abbey. 

1624 Many riots occurred in Mexico when it was announced that
all churches were to be closed. 

1863 "The Boston Morning Journal" became the first paper in the
U.S. to be published on wood pulp paper. 

1870 A cartoon by Thomas Nast titled "A Live Jackass Kicking a
Dead Lion" appeared in "Harper's Weekly." The cartoon used the
donkey to symbolize the Democratic Party for the first time. 

1892 "Triangle" magazine in Springfield, MA, published the
rules for a brand new game. The original rules involved
attaching a peach baskets to a suspended board. It is now known
as basketball. 

1899 Edwin Markham's poem, "The Man With a Hoe," was published
for the first time. 

1913 The first telephone line between Berlin and New York was
inaugurated. 

1936 The first, all glass, windowless building was completed in
Toledo, OH. The building was the new home of the Owens-Illinois
Glass Company Laboratory. 

1943 The Pentagon was dedicated as the world's largest office
building just outside Washington, DC, in Arlington, VA. The
structure covers 34 acres of land and has 17 miles of
corridors. 

1945 CBS Radio debuted "House Party". The show was on the air
for 22 years. 

1953 Harry S Truman became the first U.S. President to use
radio and television to give his farewell as he left office. 

1955 The first solar-heated, radiation-cooled house was built
by Raymond Bliss in Tucson, AZ. 

1967 The first National Football League Super Bowl was played.
The Green Bay Packers defeated the Kansas City Chiefs of the
American Football League. The final score was 35-10. 

1973 U.S. President Nixon announced the suspension of all U.S.
offensive action in North Vietnam. 

1974 "Happy Days" premiered on ABC-TV. 

1987 Paramount Home Video reported that it would place a
commercial at the front of one of its video releases for the
first time. It was a 30-second Diet Pepsi ad at the beginning
of "Top Gun." 

2001 Wikipedia was launched. 

2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the U.S. Congress had
permission to repeatedly extend copyright protection. 

2006 NASA's Stardust space probe mission was completed when
it's sample return capsule returned to Earth with comet dust
from comet Wild 2. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Revert Skype to previous version 

Sunday, January 14, 2018, 10:31 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, January 14

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
British teenager bought bomb off dark web 
to kill parents ‘because they didn’t like 
his girlfriend’


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 14 in
1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for
Britain's Queen Victoria. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay
bought.
--- Simon Cameron (1799 - 1889)
(Not like McCain)

Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog;
fewer when pursued by a mad woman;
only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.
--- Robertson Davies
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady
and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the
posters showing the glamorous destinations around the
world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected
couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of
generosity.

He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your
pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am
sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I
won't take no for an answer."

He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two
flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as
can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way.

About a month later the little lady came in to his shop.
"And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly.

"The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said.
"I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me.  Who
was that old guy I had to share the room with?"

____________________________________________________

Judy was speeding and an officer pulled her to the side
of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon
as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the
officer got to her window.

After talking to her about speeding, the officer said,
"I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in
wearing it at all times?"

"Yes, I do, officer," she replied.

"Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it
looped through your steering wheel?"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




Angkor Wat Cambodia
_____________________________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an artists gathering,
and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the
doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor,"
she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody
who appears completely normal?"

"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question
which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates,
that puts you on the track."

"What sort of question?"

"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips
around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'

The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous
laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would
you? I must confess I don't know much about history...."
_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Gurtej Randhawa, 19,
Birmingham,
England

British teenager bought bomb off dark web 
to kill parents ‘because they didn’t like 
his girlfriend’

Gurtej Randhawa, 19, was arrested after he took delivery of
what he believed was a remotely detonated explosive in May last
year. But officers had replaced the package with a dummy device
before it was delivered. 

A court heard Randhawa was planning to murder his parents after
his mum discovered he was in a relationship with a girl she
disapproved of. 

Fearing his parents would try to end the relationship, the teen
hatched a plot to save losing his girlfriend. Gurtej Randhawa,
19, was seen collecting a package he believed were explosives
he bought from the dark web. The National Crime Agency’s Armed
Operations Unit arrested him after seeing him test the device. 

Randhawa pleaded guilty to attempting to import explosives and
in November, he was found guilty of maliciously possessing an
explosive substance with intent to cause serious injury. 

He was jailed for eight years at Birmingham Crown Court
yesterday. Tim Gregory, from the NCA’s Armed Operations Unit,
said: ‘The explosive device Randhawa sought to purchase online
had the potential to cause serious damage and kill many people
if he had been successful in using it. 

‘He was not involved in an organised crime group or linked to
terrorism, but his actions show he is someone who poses a
significant risk to the community.’ 

Andy Young, from the CPS International Justice and Organised
Crime Division, said: ‘Randhawa denied he planned to use the
explosives to cause injury but the CPS demonstrated to the jury
that this was a lie and Randhawa was observed attempting to
test his device before being arrested. ‘Randhawa had used the
dark web in an attempt to avoid detection but instead he is now
serving a significant prison sentence.’

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Leo
Re: Step Skype back to before last update
Dear Webby, 
Skype somehow managed to sneak in an unauthorized update,
and it is a POS. Aside from making it klutzier and more space
consuming, like all their updates do, it craps out frequently,
and it uses more resources.
How do I go back to previous versions?
Leo

Dear Leo
Keep in mind, making those unwanted updates keeps huge herds of
Microsoft employees off Welfare, and they don't like it when
you dump their updates. They make it sound like you are going
to lose everything, including that chocolate bar at the bottom
of the computer case.

Don't worry. The history and the addresses are safely up on the
cloud. I have done it, and did not loose anything.

The first step is to UNinstall Skype.
Control Panel, Programs, Uninstall, Skype.
Ignore the scary warnings by the Microsoft inmates, 
who want you to use the thilly new version.
Just UNinstall the flakey new version.

Then go to http://OldVersion.com or any of the sites, that have
old versions, select a version you want, and download it.

If you use Skype for business purposes, on the side of open
spreadsheets or documents, then you might prefer a 6.x version,
from before the hated bloating started.

Version 7.16 is not as compact, but not as bloated as the
current version, and unlike the current version, it is stable
and does not suicide every few hours. It is also a lot easier
on the resources.

Oldversion.com is frequently VERY busy, and you might have to
wait a few minutes. Take that as a sign of how valuable they
are, and just go get some coffee. 
Once you have downloaded the file, run it.

When Skype comes up, it will have found your user name and
password and put your 5000 contacts in, ready to run.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
The homeowner got into his grubbiest clothes on Saturday
morning and set about all the chores he'd been putting off
for weeks.

He'd cleaned the garage, pruned the hedge, and was halfway
through mowing the lawn when a woman pulled in the driveway
and yelled out her window, "Say, what do you get for yard
work?"

The fellow thought for a minute, then answered,
"The cute lady who lives here lets me sleep with her."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his
change, and then goes back and says to the cashier,
"Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"

Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't
make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do
about it now. That's the policy of this bank !"

Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know 
that you gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye. "

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Grocery Bags for Cleaning the Litter Box 
If you use scoop-able cat litter, the bags you get at
grocery stores work great for disposing of the litter.
Just keep some near the litter box. Tie the bag handles
together before throwing away and it will help cut down
on odors in your garbage can.

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Cookie for more phone fun:
Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone
problem.  But unlike most people she did something about it.

The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby
and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.

From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by
calls not for her.  Since she had the same phone number for
years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel
management to change its number.

Naturally, the management refused, claiming that it could not
change its stationery.

The phone company was not helpful, either.  A number was a
number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's
calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible.  After her
pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her
own hands.

At 9 o'clock the phone rang.  Someone from Memphis was calling
the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday.
Leoloa said, "No problem.  How many nights?"

A few hours later Dallas checked in.  A secretary wanted a
suite with two bedrooms for a week.  Emboldened, Leola said the
Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a
night.  The secretary said that she would take it and asked if
the hotel wanted a deposit.  "No, that won't be necessary,"
Leola said.  "We trust you."

The next day was a busy one for Leola.  In the morning, she
booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for
Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd
Airborne veterans from World War II.

She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that
she could watch the Oprah, but her biggest challenge
came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom
for her daughter's wedding in June.

Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked
if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel
to take care of it.  The mother said that she would prefer the
hotel to handle the floral arrangements.  Then the question of
valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. "There's
no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the
client tips the drivers."

Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster
area.

People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet
Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events.

Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper
that the motel might go bankrupt.  Her phone rang, and an
executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you
$200,000 for the motel."



 

34th Harbin International Ice and Snow Festival


A man traveling in southern Indiana was
headed for the Kentucky border ...when he
saw a large sign, , , ,
"LAST CHANCE FOR $3.25 GAS!!!"

He still had more than a quarter of a tank left,
but figured he'd better take advantage of this
opportunity to fill-up his tank.

As he was getting his change from the attendant,
he asked, "How much is gas in Kentucky?"

The attendant replied, " $3.10 ".
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 14, in
1639 Connecticut's first constitution, the "Fundamental
Orders," was adopted. 

1784 The United States ratified a peace treaty with England
ending the Revolutionary War. 

1858 French emperor Napoleon III escaped an attempt on his
life. 

1873 John Hyatt's 1869 invention ‘Celluloid’ was registered as
a trademark. 

1878 Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the telephone for
Britain's Queen Victoria. 

1907 An earthquake killed over 1,000 people in Kingston,
Jamaica. 

1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S.
President to fly in an airplane while in office. He flew from
Miami, FL, to French Morocco where he met with British Prime
Minister Winston Churchill to discuss World War II. 

1953 Josip Broz Tito was elected president of Yugoslavia by the
country's Parliament. 

1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were married. The marriage
lasted nine months. 

1954 The Hudson Motor Car Company merged with Nash-Kelvinator.
The new company was called the American Motors Corporation. 

1969 An explosion aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Enterprise
off Hawaii killed 25 crew members. 

1985 Martina Navratilova won her 100th tournament. She joined
Jimmy Connors and Chris Evert Lloyd as the only professional
tennis players to win 100 tournaments. 

1986 "Rambo: First Blood, Part II" arrived at video stores. It
broke the record set by "Ghostbusters", for first day orders.
435,000 copies of the video were sold. 

1993 The British government pledged to introduce legislation to
criminalize invasions of privacy by the press. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton and Russian President Boris Yeltsin
signed Kremlin accords to stop aiming missiles at any nation
and to dismantle the nuclear arsenal of Ukraine. 

1996 Juan Garcia Abrego was arrested by Mexican agents. The
alleged drug lord was handed over to the FBI the next day. 

1998 Whitewater prosecutors questioned Hillary Rodham Clinton
at the White House for 10 minutes about the gathering of FBI
background files on past Republican political appointees. 

1998 In Dallas, researchers report an enzyme that slows the
aging process and cell death. 

1999 The impeachment trial of U.S. President Clinton began in
Washington, DC. 

1999 The U.S. proposed the lifting of the U.N. ceilings on the
sale of oil in Iraq. The restriction being that the money be
used to buy medicine and food for the Iraqi people. 

2000 A U.N. tribunal sentenced five Bosnian Croats to up to 25
years for the 1993 massacre of over 100 Muslims in a Bosnian
village. 

2004 In St. Louis, a Lewis and Clark Exhibition opened at the
Missouri History Museum. The exhibit featured 500 rare and
priceless objects used by the Corps of Discovery. 

2005 A probe, from the Cassini-Huygens mission, sent back
pictures during and after landing on Saturn's moon Titan. The
mission was launched on October 15, 1997.

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Font sizes on web pages 

Saturday, January 13, 2018, 07:46 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, January 13

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Remember the Harbin Ice Festival?
Check out Barb's Bonus link! Lots of pictures.

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wanted Arizona man applies for job with police,
gets arrested.


Bonehead

Time to nag the Ezinefinder to update the voting to 2018.
You can try writing to 
support@cumuli.com
lewis@cumuli.com
You can still vote, but the votes count for 2017,
not for this year.
______________________________________________________
Today, January 13 in
1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military
order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an
army of God. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most
fatal to true happiness.
--- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)

Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people
vote against somebody rather than for somebody.
--- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Sarah Goldstein once gave her son two sweaters for his
birthday. The next time he visited, he made sure to wear one.

As he entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she
said,

"What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"

____________________________________________________

It's forty below zero one winter night in Alaska.
Gary is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender
says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab."

"Sorry," says Gary, "I'm flat broke this week."

"That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your
name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall."

Gary pleads, "I don't want any of my friends to see that."

"They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just
hang your parka over it until it's paid."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




____________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer.
A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and
called,
"What've you got in your truck?"

"Manure," the farmer replied.

"What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy.

"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.

"You should live here," the little boy advised him.
"We put sugar on ours."
_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Alberto Saaverda Lopez,32,
Phoenix,
Arizona

Wanted Man Applies For Job With Police,
gets arrested.

In the latest installment of World’s Dumbest Criminals, a 32-
year-old Phoenix man was arrested last week on suspicion theft
while he worked at a Bank of America.

In October of 2016, Bank of America told the Cottonwood Police
Department that they suspected their employee, 32-year-old
Alberto Saavedra Lopez, had stolen $5,000 from the bank over a
three-month period. Lopez then quit his job at the bank, moved
to Phoenix and refused to answer any calls or questions
pertaining to the theft allegations, police said.

Here’s where Lopez’s case of stupid comes in.

After avoiding police for about a year, Lopez decided it would
be a good idea to apply for a dispatcher job with the
Cottonwood Police Department.

Don’t adjust your computer screen. You read that correctly. A
man who was wanted in connection to a theft investigation
thought it was a great idea to apply to work at a police
department.

Of course, much like any law enforcement job, the Cottonwood
Police did a background check on Lopez. Sure enough, the
warrant for Lopez came up in their system, so authorities
decided to make their job super easy by scheduling an interview
with him. Little did Lopez know that the cops only set up the
interview to make the arrest.

The USA Today reported that Cottonwood Police said that Lopez
was “out of the running for employment with the police
department.”

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Cindy
Re: Font sizes
Dear Webby, 
Hi Webby, I so look forward to receiving your humor letter
every day.  It's by far the best on the web....as proven by
all the votes you get.  I've saved so many of the tips
you've given.  Today someone messed with my computer
and changed the size of the fonts.  I looked everywhere
on the computer for a place to fix it.  I couldn't find it
anywhere.

I looked in the tips I'd saved from you, since I knew you'd
mentioned it more than once......but it seems I didn't save
that tip.  So I went to your letter to find out how to contact
you to ask you a question I know you must have answered
way too many times...
......and here is the answer right at the beginning, top right
of the side menu, of the letter.
Wow!  what a help you are!   Thanks from all of us who have
a smoother life because of you!!!
Your fan forever, Cindy

Dear Cindy!
Good for you!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


While working in the psychology department at Glen Oaks   
Community College in Centreville, MI, I was asked to enlarge   
a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and asked,   

"Can I get something blown up down there?"   

After a pause the voice on the line replied,   

"I think you want the chemistry lab."   



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




We were used to hearing my father proclaim, "Take it, Max,"   
as he flipped on the cruise control during long trips in our   
station wagon.   

Recently, I was traveling with my parents in their new car   
when we hit a wide-open expanse of highway.   

My dad leaned back and said, "I think I'll let Tom drive for   
a while."   

"Tom who?" I asked.   

My mother translated for me: "Tom Cruise, of course."   

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Squeaky Dress Shoes
The easiest solution to a fixing a squeaky shoe is to sprinkle
some baby powder in the heel, under the insole if possible.
If that doesn't work, it could be the nails that hold the shoe
together are producing the squeak. You can fix that by
carefully hammering the shoe on the sole.

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson
to his bed.

 "Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38
revolver so  you will always remember me."

 "But grandpa, I really don't lika guns. Howz about you
leava me your  Rolex watch instead?"

"Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business.
you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa & lotsa money, a biga
home and maybe a  couple a bambinos."

"Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you
wife inna bed  with another man. Whadda you gonna do then?
Pointa to you watch and say "Times up"?



 

Lead up to the Harbin Ice and Snow Sculptures.


I hate it when people forward bogus warnings...but
this one is real, and it's important. So please send
this warning to everyone on your e-mail list.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are
conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to
take your clothes off and dance around with your
arms up, DO NOT DO IT!!  IT IS A SCAM; they only
want to see you naked.

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so silly now.
Dolly P
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 13, in
1128 Pope Honorius II granted a papal sanction to the military
order known as the Knights Templar. He declared it to be an
army of God. 

1854 Anthony Faas of Philadelphia, PA, was granted the first
U.S. patent for the accordion. He made improvements to the
keyboard and enhanced the sound. 

1898 Emile Zola's "J'accuse" was published in Paris. 

1900 In Austria-Hungary, Emperor Franz Joseph decreed that
German would be the language of the imperial army to combat
Czech nationalism. 

1906 Hugh Gernsback, of the Electro Importing Company,
advertised radio receivers for sale for the price of just $7.50
in "Scientific American" magazine. 

1928 Ernst F. W. Alexanderson gave the first public
demonstration of television. 

1942 Henry Ford patented the plastic automobile referred to as
the "Soybean Car." The car was 30% lighter than the average
car. The media did not like it.

1966 Robert C. Weaver became the first black Cabinet member
when he was appointed Secretary of Housing and Urban
Development by U.S. President Johnson. 

1984 Wayne Gretzky extended his NHL consecutive scoring streak
to 45 games. 

1990 L. Douglas Wilder of Virginia, the nation's first elected
black governor, took the oath of office in Richmond. 

1992 Japan apologized for forcing tens of thousands of Korean
women to serve as sex slaves for Japanese soldiers during World
War II. 

1998 NBC agreed to pay almost $13 million for each episode of
the TV show E.R. It was the highest amount ever paid for a TV
show. 

1998 ABC and ESPN negotiated to keep "Monday Night Football"
for $1.15 billion a season. 

2002 Japan and Singapore signed a free trade pact that would
remove tariffs on almost all goods traded between the two
countries.

2002 U.S. President George W. Bush fainted after choking on a
pretzel. 

2009 Ethiopian military forces began pulling out of Somalia,
where they had tried to maintain order for nearly two years. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Rule 240 at airports 

Friday, January 12, 2018, 09:43 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 12
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wanted Texan has social security number 
tattooed on his forehead


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 12 in
1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland. Finland asked
Germany for help. Finland switched sides to the Allied side
shortly before WWII was over.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
First you're an unknown, then you write one book and you move
up to obscurity.
--- Martin Myers

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the
navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway
seeds and a producer's heart.
--- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956)  
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Farmer wins the ten million dollar lottery and is being
interviewed. He is asked what he is going to do with all the
money.

"Oh, I guess the first thing I'll do is go and pay a few
bills."

"And what about the rest?" the reporter asks.

Farmer shrugs.  "Well, I guess they'll just have to wait"

____________________________________________________

There was a little old lady from a small town in Arkansas
who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her
hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to
the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that
she had never before seen anything as big as the hotel or
her suite.

"Everything's big in Texas ma'am," said the waitress. The
coffee came in the biggest cup the old lady had ever
seen. "I told you, ma'am, that everything is big in Texas,"
said the waitress.

On her way back to her suite, the old lady got lost in the
vast corridors. She opened the door of a darkened room
and fell into an enormous swimming pool.
"Please!" she screamed. "Don't flush it!"

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




Automatic window washer
____________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

From Rosa
Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our   
discussions about how to handle the customer who asks,   
"What's good tonight?"   

Obviously, we would never serve anything we didn't think was   
good.  I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the   
dreaded question posed to my husband.   

He calmly replied, "Anything over $13.95."   
_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Robert Wooten,
40,
Houston,
Texas

Wanted Texan has social security number 
tattooed on his forehead

Is Robert Wooten’s identity worth stealing?

The 40-year-old Texan is a career criminal whose rap sheet
includes multiple felony convictions and prison terms. He is
currently wanted in connection with a series of armed robberies
in Houston.

It is not hard to identify Wooten (seen above) since he has his
own social security number tattooed on his forehead (not to
mention Houston’s area code, 713, inked on his throat).

Members of the public are being asked to call the Houston
Police Department or Crime Stoppers of Houston if they have
information about Wooten’s whereabouts.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Glenis
Re: Rule 240
Dear Webby, 
Dear Webby,
You travel a lot. What is "Rule 240" really about, and how
does it apply under the current security restrictions?
Glenis

Dear Glenis
Actually, I have not travelled for a few years now.

I bet you saw somebody march up to a ticket counter, 
mentioned "Rule 240"and was instantly given wads of hotel
vouchers and tickets.

"Rule 240" used to be the federal compensation schedule for
passengers inconvenienced by delays due to air line mess-ups.
Nowadays each airline has their own "Rule 240" filed with
the DOT.

The "Rule 240" filings are usually quite straight forward.
IF you were at the gate on time, and IF there was no
force majeure" events: weather, strikes, "acts of God," or
other occurrences that the airlines say they cannot control,
or you miss a connection because they were late,
they promise to put you up in a decent hotel, give you
alternate tickets and meal vouchers.

Where the fun comes in is that 99% of the airport counter
staff have at one time or another heard about "Rule 240",
but have no clue where they can find the copy that is
supposed to be at each counter. So they usually fall all
over themselves to err on the safe side, rather than get in
trouble.

You can get the "Rule 240" filings at
http://www.mytravelrights.com/travellaw.cfm?ai=3

If the take-off is delayed because of security problems,
then the air line is theoretically off the hook, but very
few counter staffers know enough about "Rule 240"
to intelligently dispute the points, and so they rather give
you vouchers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


From Myrna
One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school   
nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I   
noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas.   

"Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her.   

"I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything  
to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught   
cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!"   



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have some bad news
for you," the doctor told his anxious patient,
"You only have six months to live."

The man sat in stunned silence for the next
several minutes.

Regaining his composure, he apologetically
told his physician that he had no medical
insurance -- "I can't possibly pay you in that time."

"OK," said the doctor, "Let's make it a year."
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Squeaky Door
You can easily fix a squeak door by spraying the hinges with
WD40. A little Vaseline or even cooking spray will also do
the trick.

If it is your own house, then you might want to use a dry
moly lubricant spray. It dries to a slick, waxy surface
that does not attract dust and grit. It is perfectly clear
and the only way you can tell it's presence, is that areas
where you over-sprayed beside the hinge, feel slippery
to the touch. But they are dry and none of the waxy coating
comes off and onto your fingers.

It also works very well in locks. You won't be hit with a
cleaning charge if a locksmith has to work on it to re-key
it, as you would, when you used graphite or WD40.
DearWebby

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Phil from Oz for this story:

One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy
leading a donkey. They thought they would have some fun
with him.
"Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers. "You sure are
keeping a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?"

"Sure am," said the boy. "If I didn't he would probably
join the Army."



 
An iBand! Cool!


A man goes to the doctor and tells him that
he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor
examines him, leaves the room and comes
back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a
big glass of water when you get up. Take the
blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch.
Then just before going to bed, take the red pill
with another big glass of water."

Startled to be put on so much medicine the
man stammers, "My goodness, doc, exactly
what's my problem?"

Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 12, in
1519 Holy Roman Emperor Maximilian I died. 

1773 The first public museum in America was established in
Charleston, SC. 

1866 The Royal Aeronautical Society was founded in London. 

1875 Kwang-su was made emperor of China. 

1879 The British-Zulu War began when the British invaded
Zululand. 

1882 Thomas Edison's central station on Holborn Viaduct in
London began operation. 

1896 At Davidson College, several students took x-ray
photographs. They created the first X-ray photographs to be
made in America. 

1904 Henry Ford set a new land speed record when he reached
91.37 miles per hour. 

1908 A wireless message was sent long-distance for the first
time from the Eiffel Tower in Paris. 

1938 Austria recognized the Franco government in Spain. 

1940 Soviet bombers raided cities in Finland. Finland asked
Germany for help. Finland switched sides to the Allied side
shortly before WWII was over.

1942 U.S. President Roosevelt created the National War Labor
Board. 

1943 The Office of Price Administration announced that standard
frankfurters/hot dogs/wieners would be replaced by 'Victory
Sausages.' Most people called them Victory Wieners.

1945 During World War II, with US help the Soviet forces began
a huge offensive against the Germans in Eastern Europe. 

1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not
discriminate against law-school applicants because of race. 

1960 Dolph Schayes of the Syracuse Nationals became the first
pro basketball player in the NBA to score more than 15,000
points in his career. 

1964 Leftist rebels in Zanzibar began their successful revolt
against the government and a republic was proclaimed. 

1966 U.S. President Johnson said in his State of the Union
address that the United States should stay in South Vietnam
until Communist aggression there was ended. 

1966 "Batman" debuted on ABC-TV. 

1967 "Dragnet" returned to NBC-TV after being off the network
schedule for eight years. 

1970 The breakaway state of Biafra capitulated and the Nigerian
civil war came to an end. 

1971 "All In the Family" debuted on CBS-TV. My Hero!

1973 Yassar Arafat was re-elected as head of the Palestinian
Liberation Organization. 

1986 Space shuttle Columbia blasted off with a crew that
included the first Hispanic-American in space, Dr. Franklin R.
Chang-Diaz.

1991 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution authorizing
President Bush to use military power to force Iraq out of
Kuwait. 

1995 Northern Ireland Secretary Patrick Mayhew announced that
as of January 16 British troops would no longer carry out
daylight street patrols in Belfast. 

1998 Tyson Foods Inc. pled guilty to giving $12,000 to former
Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy. Tyson was fined $6 million. 

1998 19 European nations agreed to prohibit human cloning. 

1998 Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's
office with taped conversations between herself and former
White House intern Monica Lewinsky. 

1999 Mark McGwire's 70th home run ball was sold at auction in
New York for $3 million to an anonymous bidder. 

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court, in a 5-4 ruling, gave police broad
authority to stop and question people who run at the sight of
an officer. 

2005 NASA launched "Deep Impact". The spacecraft was planned to
impact on Comet Tempel 1 after a six-month, 268 million-mile
journey. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Best location for computer 

Thursday, January 11, 2018, 09:43 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today Thursday, January 11

Thank you, Ron!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Foster dad accused of more than 900 rapes 
and violent acts against 13 - 17 yr old girls 


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 11 in
1770 The first shipment of rhubarb was sent to the United
States from London.

See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength.
--- Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983)

"Always and never are two words you should always remember
never to use."
--- Wendell Johnson
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, "Can people
predict the future with cards?"

His response was, "My mother can."

The teacher replied, "Really?"

The young boy was quick to explain, "Yes, she takes one
look at my report card and tells me what will happen
when my father gets home."
____________________________________________________

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he
planned to visit on his vacation.

He wrote:"I would very much like to bring my dog with me.
He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be
willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at
night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said,
"I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all
that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes,
silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to
evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk
and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a
hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel.
And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to
stay here, too."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




Cape Canaveral Lighthouse, 150 years 
____________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

A very refined young man comes to a small food shop and sees
fruit. "Give me two kilograms of oranges and wrap every orange
up in a separate piece of paper, please," he says to the
saleswoman. She does it. 

"And three kilograms of cherries, please, and wrap up every
berry in a separate piece of paper, too." She does.

"And what is it there," he asks pointing out at something dark
in the corner.

"Raisins," says the saleswoman, "but they're not for sale."

_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Viktor Lishavsky,34,
Komsomolsk-on-Amur,
Russia

Foster dad accused of more than 900 rapes 
and violent acts against 13 - 17 yr old girls 

Reports in Russia say if convicted Viktor Lishavsky could be
the ‘world’s worst paedophile’ after allegedly treating five
schoolgirls as his ‘personal harem’.

According to Ren TV, 34-year-old Lishavsky is alleged to have
‘had sex with one or another foster daughter every other day,
or every third day’ at an apartment he rented with money earnt
as a foster parent. Lishavsky, viewed as a model father by
officials in the Khabarovsk region of east Russia, allegedly
abused the girls over the course of five years. Police were
alerted after one of the foster girls complained to a teacher
and he was arrested in June last year in Komsomolsk-on-Amur.

But he has only now been identified as more details of his
alleged crimes have been released. Lishavsky is accused of 248
rapes and 358 ‘violent sexual acts’ against girls aged 13 or
under, and also faces charges of more than 270 sex attacks
involving girls aged between 12 and 17.

The Sun reported he has also been accused of another 22
‘violent acts of a sexual nature’ against girls below 14-years-
old. He also allegedly committed a further 11 rapes or sexual
attacks in which he threatened murder or serious harm to
health. In total, he faces 919 charges, with all but a handful
involving sex abuse.

Social services in Khabarovsk have also been accused of
negligence in putting vulnerable children, including orphans,
under his supervision. He is said to have had three children of
his own with his common law wife Olga, and fostered up to nine
children with her.

No charges have been brought against her. Education chief Alla
Kuznetsova said thefamily passed repeated social service
inspections and there were ‘no alarms at all’. The five girls
he allegedly abused have been sent back to the orphanage.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Allan
Re: Location for computer
Dear Webby, 
Dear Webby,
What is a better location for my computer, in a snug cubbyhole
on my desk, or on the floor below the desk?
Allan

Dear Allan
On the floor, without any doubt whatsoever.
You have to be able to get at the cable sockets on the back.
That alone rules out a snug cubbyhole. 

However, the most important reason is cooling. There is nothing
that kills a computer faster than inadequate cooling. It needs
unresticted air flow that it can draw through the computer
ONCE. Not re-use the heated air for that.

Just put it on the floor and once or twice a year vacuum
out the dust bunnies and clean the heat sinks.

It helps if yopu can set it onto some bricks or 2 x 4. The dust
bunnies and all their kids cruise on the floor. A few inches
above the floor will miss all that traffic.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to
deal with his transgression.  In the confessional, he told the
priest that he  had sinned.

"What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest.

"I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man.

"How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest.

"Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse."

The priest replied, "Well, that's not so bad."

The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4-car
garage."

"Well, now, that's a little more serious."

"Father, there's more.  In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car
garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!"

With a pause, the priest finally spoke.  "That is a little more
serious.  I'm afraid you'll have to make a novena."

"Father, I'm not sure what a novena is, but if you've got the
blueprints, I've got the lumber!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




From Goldie:
The preacher came over the other day.  He said that, at my age,
I should be thinking of the hereafter.  I told him that I do
it all the time.  No matter where I am, in the parlor,
upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask
myself, 
"Now, what am I here after?"

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Insulating Windows
By CPJ [60 Posts, 123 Comments]
We live in an older rental home and almost all the windows are
singled paned so before the Arctic weather arrived I went to
Home Depot and bought 4 x 8 panels of insulation at $8.95 a
sheet. It is it's in the building/contractor section, and is
silver on one side and 1/2 an inch white foam on the other.

None of the windows match. Some are little frames 10 inches by
7.5 inches, others are a little larger and a few that are
large.

I trimmed and cut pieces to be placed directly on the glass.
Silver side touching the glass, white side facing inside the
room. From the outside of the house it looks like all the
windows are covered with aluminum foil.

I figured out a way to be able to attach and remove the larger
pieces of insulation with Velcro strips to hold it in place.
Part of the Velcro on the window frame and part on the
insulation, so I would have light. Every day at 4 PM I put the
insulation back in the windows. We kept the house at 74 and
during the night it would drop down to 63-64 in the den.

For about the same price you can get greenhouse panels. 
They are similar to the plastic election signs, but 1/4 to 1"
thick, and they are clear. Not as clear as glass, but you can
recognize people outside.

After twenty years they get a bit less clear, but the sun still
shines through and you see and recognize people on the
outside.
Dad got over 25 years so far out of a greenhouse with just
those panels and aluminum framework. No glass. He never removes
them, just lets the rain and snow clean them. And he grows
cacti in there.

In your case, it would be like adding double pane windows with
a high efficiency air gap.

The benefit of the suns heat and light are worth much more than
the difference in price! Just do one window at a time!

Bubble Wrap is an ultra-cheap alternative. Attach it with
double-sided tape. You get the free heat and light from the
sun, which is worth a lot!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

____________________________________________________


A wealthy man is having an affair with an Italian woman and has
continued the affair for a few years.

One night, over dinner at the mistress's favorite Italian
restaurant, she confides in him that she's pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he offers
to pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to
have the child. And if she stayed in Italy,
he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agrees, but asks how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep everything discreet, he tells her to mail him a post
card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. Upon receiving the
postcard, he would then arrange for child support.

About 9 months later, the man comes home to his extremely
confused wife.

"Honey," she replies, "you received a very strange post card
today."

"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he says.

The wife obeys, and watches as her husband reads the card,
turns white, and faints.

On the card was written, "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two
with meatballs, one without."



 
IPhotos of historic events that some people never knew existed.

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
Dear Diary......
DAY ONE
I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've
packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really
excited.
___________________________________________________
DEAR DIARY. DAY TWO
We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we
saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation
this has started to be. I  met the Captain today and he
seems like a very nice man.
__________________________________________________
DEAR DIARY. DAY THREE
I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle
boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain
invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored
and we had a wonderful time. He is a very attractive and
attentive gentleman.
___________________________________________________
DEAR DIARY. DAY FOUR
Went to the ship's casino. Did OK ... Won about $80.
The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state
room. We had a luxurious  meal complete with caviar and
champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined.
I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my
husband.
___________________________________________________
DEAR DIARY .. DAY FIVE
Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I
decided to go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the
day inside.
The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks.
He really is a charming gentleman He again asked me to
visit him for the night and again I  declined.
He told me that if I didn't let him have his way with me he
would sink the ship. I was  appalled.
___________________________________________________
DEAR DIARY . DAY SIX
I saved 1600 lives today...... Twice.

-----------------

That reminds me...


___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 11, in
1569 England's first state lottery was held. 

1770 The first shipment of rhubarb was sent to the United
States from London. 

1867 Benito Juarez returned to the Mexican presidency,
following the withdrawal of French troops and the execution of
Emperor Maximilian. 

1878 In New York, milk was delivered in glass bottles for the
first time by Alexander Campbell. 

1902 "Popular Mechanics" magazine was published for the first
time. 

1913 The first sedan-type car was unveiled at the National
Automobile Show in New York City. The car was manufactured by
the Hudson Motor Company. 

1922 At Toronto General Hospital, Leonard Thompson became the
first person to be successfully treated with insulin. 

1935 Amelia Earhart Putnam became the first woman to fly solo
from Hawaii to California. 

1942 Japan declared war against the Netherlands. The same day,
Japanese forces invaded the Dutch East Indies. 

1943 The United States and Britain signed treaties
relinquishing extraterritorial rights in China. 

1964 U.S. Surgeon General Luther Terry released a report that
said that smoking cigarettes was a definite health hazard. 

1973 The Open University awarded its first degrees. 

1973 Owners of American League baseball teams voted to adopt
the designated-hitter rule on a trial basis. 

1977 France released Abu Daoud, a Palestinian suspected of
involvement in the massacre of Israeli athletes at the 1972
Munich Olympics. 

1978 Two Soviet cosmonauts aboard the Soyuz 27 capsule linked
up with the Salyut 6 orbiting space station, where the Soyuz 26
capsule was already docked. 

1980 Nigel Short, age 14, from Bolton in Britain, became the
youngest International Master in the history of chess. 

1988 U.S. Vice President George Bush met with representatives
of independent counsel Lawrence E. Walsh to answer questions
about the Iran-Contra affair. 

1991 An auction of silver and paintings that had been acquired
by the late Ferdinand Marcos and his wife, Imelda, brought in a
total of $20.29 million at Christie's in New York. 

1996 Ryutaro Hashimoto become Japan's prime minister. He
replaced Tomiichi Murayama who had resigned on January 5, 1996.


2001 The Texas Board of Criminal Justice released a review of
the escape of the "Texas 7." It stated that prison staff missed
critical opportunities to prevent the escape by ignoring a fire
alarm, not reporting unsupervised inmates and not demanding
proper identification from inmates. 

2001 The U.S. Federal Trade Commission approved the merger of
America Online and Time Warner to form AOL Time Warner.

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

SMTP Filtering 

Wednesday, January 10, 2018, 07:08 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, January 10

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Hunt underway for mother, boyfriend in 
torture and death of 4-year-old


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 10 in
2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all women
could get the morning-after contraception pill for free in
pharmacies. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men
trying to find easier ways to do something.
--- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988

The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
--- Solomon Short

It is a great ability to be able to conceal one's ability.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)

Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
--- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out
making her  rounds  visiting homebound patients when she
ran out of gas.  As luck would have it, a gas station   was
just a block away.

 She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy
some gas.  The attendant told her that the only gas can he
owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was
returned.

Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided
not to wait and  walked back to her car.  She looked for
something in her car that she could fill  with gas and
spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient.

Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station,
filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her
car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched
from across the street. One of the them turned to the other
and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic."

____________________________________________________

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church
ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to
do it until the last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after
rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake
mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing
and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp.

But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had
dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured.

She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."

This cake was so important to Alice because she did so
want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community
of new friends.

So, being inventive, she looked around the house for
something to build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper.

She plunked it in and then covered it with icing.
Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked
perfect!

Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church
and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and
gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the
bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that
cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the
attractive perfect cake had already been sold.

Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom.

Alice was horrified she was beside herself. Everyone would
know, what would they think?

Oh, my she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about,
ridiculed.

All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing
their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not
to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy
luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend
and try to have a good time.

Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was
a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the
fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding
families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP 'd she
could not think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust
old South... and to Alice's horror, the CAKE in question was
presented for dessert.

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the
cake, she started, out of her chair to rush to tell her
hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet,
the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!"

Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when
she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member)
say, Thank you, I baked it myself."

Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is good."

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




____________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Two psychiatrists were at a convention.  As
they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What
was your most difficult case?"

The other replied, "I had a patient who lived
in a pure fantasy world.  He believed that an
uncle in South America was going to die and
leave him a fortune.  All day long he waited
for a letter to arrive from an attorney.  He
never went out, he never did anything, he merely
sat around and waited for this fantasy letter
from this fantasy uncle.  I worked with this man
eight years."

"What was the result?"

"It was an eight-year struggle.  Every day for
eight years, but I finally cured him.  And then
that stupid letter arrived!"

_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Old mug shots from previous arrests

Candice Renea Diaz, 24, 
Brad Edward Fields, 28, 
Sumpter, 
Michigan

Hunt underway for mother, boyfriend in 
torture and death of 4-year-old

Michigan authorities are searching for a mother and her
boyfriend who are accused of torturing and killing her four-
year-old daughter.

The young girl, found by family on New Year’s Day at the
Rawsonville Woods mobile home community, was unresponsive with
her limbs covered in severe burns, Fox2 reported. There were
attempts to revive her and she was rushed to St. Joseph Mercy
Hospital in Ann Arbor where she was pronounced dead.

Candice Renea Diaz, 24, and Brad Edward Fields, 28, have been
charged with felony murder, murder in the second degree, first
degree child abuse and torture, Sumpter Township police said.

An autopsy on Jan. 3 ruled the girl’s death a homicide. It also
revealed further traumatic injuries and evidence of Battered
Child Syndrome, police said.

Fields was also charged as a habitual offender, previously
arrested for domestic violence.

Police say the couple are believed to be driving black 2002
Chevrolet Cavalier with the Michigan license plate DTR1854.


Too late for details:
.. marshals arrested 24-year-old Candice Renea Diaz and 28-
year-old Brad Edward Fields as they drove near Lake Park,
Georgia. Police from Sumpter, the couple’s home town, confirmed
the arrest just before 4 p.m. EST but didn’t have further
details.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Allan
Re: SMTP filtering
Dear Webby, 
Dear Webby,
My ISP, Telus, is dumping too much of my outgoing mail with
their mis-configured SMTP filters. How do I get around that?
Writing to their support is useless, they apparently filter
and dump their own responses too.
Thanks
Allan

Dear Allan
Telus DSL is OK for areas where you can't get other ISPs, 
but I agree that their mail is often a problem. 
Luckily it's easy enough to get around them, or any ISP, by
using a remote SMTP server.
A very popular and easy to use remote SMTP is at
Softstack
It's easy to set up and it's free.

If you want something fancier with more options, there is
PostCastServer
for $49.

A fringe benefit of using a remote SMTP is that you never
have to change it when you travel. Considering that only
very few hotels nowadays allow you to use their SMTP, you
are never stuck when you use a remote one like Postcast.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's
annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times do I have I
to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs
and come down like a civilized human being."

There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room.

"That's better," said his father. "Now in the future you will
always come downstairs like that."

"OK," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a
colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just
received a message from her dead husband - asking
her to send him a pack of cigarettes.

"The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know
where to send them."

"Why not?" asked her friend.

"Well, he didn't actually say that he was in
Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell."

"Hm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't
bring this up, but...he didn't mention anything
about including matches in the package, did he?"

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Hardwood Floors
Daily cleaning of hardwood floors can be a challenge,
especially if you have pets. The best tool I have found for
daily maintenance of my hardwood floors is a good vacuum
cleaner. Mine has a low setting made for flat floors and it
works well for pet hair, dust and paw prints. Make sure
you let muddy paw prints dry before trying to vacuum.

____________________________________________________


At the retreat, Sam and Anni were told to
individually write a sentence using
the words 'sex' and 'love.'

Anni wrote: 'When two mature people
are passionately and deeply in love with
one another to a high degree and that
they respect each other very much, just
like Sam and I, it is spiritually and
morally acceptable for them to engage
in the act of physical sex with one another.'

Sam wrote: 'I love sex.'



 
It's a Southern thing.


Jack had gone to propose to his girlfriend and
returned home crying bitterly. "What happened,
son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting her
response. "Did she accept?"

"No, she sure didn't," sobbed Jack. "When I
told her what you advised me to say, she
slapped my face and told me to get out."

"Did you begin by telling her what I told you
to say, what I told your mother when she
accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands
still when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell
her that?" asked his father.

"Oh boy, dad, did I get it all wrong," Jack groaned.
"I said, 'My Dear, you have a face that would stop a clock'!"

__________________________________________________

Days of the month: January

1 New Year's Day
1 First Foot Day
1 Polar Bear Swim Day
1 First Cheese Factory Opened

2 Drinking Straw patented

3 Festival of Sleep Day

3 National Chocolate Covered Cherry Day

4 Trivia Day

4 Tennis Day

4 Flower Basket Day

4 National Spaghetti Day

5 National Whipped Cream Day

5 Bird Day

6 Bean Day

7 Old Rock Day

7 Panama Canal Day

7 Typewriter Patented

8 Rock 'n' Roll Day

8 First Computer Patented

10 Peculiar People Day

10 Volunteer Fireman's Day

11 Secret Pal Day

11 International Thank You Day

11 Pharmacist's Day

11 National Milk Day (milk delivered in bottles for first time-
1878)

12 Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day

13 Make Your Dreams Come True Day

14 National Dress Up Your Pet Day

15 Hat Day

16 Hot and Spicy Food International Day

16 Religious Freedom Day

16 National Fig Newton Day

16 National Nothing Day

17 Pig Day

17 Ben Franklin's Birthday (born 1706)

18 Winnie the Pooh Day

19 National Popcorn Day

19 Archery Day

19 Robert E. Lee's Birth Anniversary (born 1807)

20 Cheese Day

20 Basketball Day 21 Hat Day

21 National Hugging Day

23 National Handwriting Day

23 National Pie Day

23 Measure Your Feet Day

24 National Peanut Butter Day

24 Eskimo Pie Patent Day (by Christian Nelson in 1922) 

24 Gold discovered in California (Sutter's Mill in 1848)

24 National School Nurse Day

25 Opposite Day

25 Observe the Weather Day

26 National Popcorn Day

26 National Peanut Brittle Day

27 National Chocolate Cake Day

27 Australia Day (the day Sydney, Australia was settled in
1778)

27 National School Nurse Day

28 National Kazoo Day

28 Bald Eagle Day

29 National Rattle Snake Roundup Day

29 National Puzzle Day

29 National Corn Chip Day

30 Escape Day

31 National Popcorn Day

31 National Backwards Day

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 10, in
1776 "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine was published. 

1840 The penny post, whereby mail was delivered at a standard
charge rather than paid for by the recipient, began in Britain.

1863 Prime Minister Gladstone opened the first section of the
London Underground Railway system, from Paddington to
Farringdon Street. 

1870 John D. Rockefeller incorporated Standard Oil. 

1901 Oil was discovered at the Spindletop oil field near
Beaumont, TX. 

1911 Major Jimmie Erickson took the first photograph from an
airplane while flying over San Diego, CA. 

1920 The League of Nations ratified the Treaty of Versailles,
officially ending World War I with Germany. 

1920 The League of Nations held its first meeting in Geneva. 

1927 Fritz Lang's film "Metropolis" was first shown, in Berlin.

1928 The Soviet Union ordered the exile of Leon Trotsky. 

1978 The Soviet Union launched two cosmonauts aboard a Soyuz
capsule for a redezvous with the Salyut VI space laboratory.

1981 In El Salvador, Marxist insurgents launched a "final
offensive". 

1984 The United States and the Vatican established full
diplomatic relations for the first time in more than a century.

1990 Chinese Premier Li Peng ended martial law in Beijing after
seven months. He said that crushing pro-democracy protests had
saved China from "the abyss of misery." 

1990 Time Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. completed a $14
billion merger. The new company, Time Warner, was the world's
largest entertainment company. 

1994 In Manassas, VA, Lorena Bobbitt went on trial. She had
been charged with maliciously wounding her husband John. She
was acquitted by reason of temporary insanity. 

1997 Shelby Lynne Barrackman was strangled to death by her
grand-father when she licked the icing off of cupcakes. He was
convicted of the crime on September 15, 1998. 

2000 It was announced that Time-Warner had agreed to buy
America On-line (AOL). It was the largest-ever corporate merger
priced at $162 billion. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC)
approved the deal on December 14, 2000. 

2001 American Airlines agreed to acquire most of Trans World
Airlines (TWA) assets for about $500 million. The deal brought
an end to the financially troubled TWA. 

2002 In France, the "Official Journal" reported that all women
could get the morning-after contraception pill for free in
pharmacies. 

2003 North Korea announced that it was withdrawing from the
global nuclear arms control treaty and that it had no plans to
develop nuclear weapons. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

aWhich FTP program is best? 

Tuesday, January 9, 2018, 07:40 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, January 9

Thank You, Michael!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Suspect's attempted getaway on ATV 
ended up in the dirt


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 9 in
1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw 
flirting in public. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
--- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - ) 

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its
operating manual.
--- Terry Pratchett
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Irma for this story:
One day, while driving with my 5 year old daughter
Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and
looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation.

I said, "I did that by accident..."

She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't yell
'You @#$%&!' after beeping!"
____________________________________________________

A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The   
reason? A billing service had launched an 800 number that   
was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she   
was told to get a new number.   

"I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't   
you change yours?"   

The company refused, so she said, "Fine. From now on, I'm   
going to tell everyone who calls that their bill is paid   
in full."   

The company got a new number the next day.   

_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




____________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

Thanks to Dave for this story:
As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was
responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners
at the end of the season.

When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat
that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several
patients and their families in a waiting area.

I heard one man say to his wife,
"Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist."

_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Juan Mendoza, 
Madera,
California

Suspect's attempted getaway on ATV 
ended up in the dirt

A California police department shared an officer's dash cam
footage of a suspect on an ATV attempting a getaway that failed
in spectacular fashion.

The Madera Police Department posted a video to Facebook showing
dashboard camera footage from Officer Abraham's patrol vehicle
during an attempted traffic stop.

The officer had attempted to stop a man riding an ATV on the
road without proper safety gear and running through a stop
light, but the man refused to yield to Abraham's lights and
siren.

The video shows the chase weave through neighborhood streets
before the suspect, Juan Mendoza, attempts to go off-road --
causing his vehicle to flip.

"As you can see, Mendoza did not reach the outcome he was
looking for and luckily only his pride was hurt," police wrote.
"Traffic laws apply to all motor vehicles on roadways. We
understand that off-road vehicles can be fun to operate, but
please do this in the appropriate areas and use safety gear."

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Angie
Re: FTP
Dear Webby, 
Dear Webby,
I have always used browser FTP to up and download files,
but with my new web host I can't do that any more. I was
told to get a proper, grown-up FTP program. Snobs!
I looked around and there are hundreds of them availale.
Which one would you recommend, preferably one that is
not too expensive?
Angie

Dear Angie
FileZilla is the Best, most popular, and it is free.
Just download it from
https://filezilla-project.org/
Get the CLIENT version.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that
he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate.

After the service, a very distraught lady came to the pastor
with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to
miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!"

The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said
"Now, now, Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes
my place might be even better than me".

"Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice,
"That's what they said the last time too...."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




A lady picked  up several items at a discount
store. When she finally got up to the  checker,
she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the
intercom and  boomed out for all the store to hear,
"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,  TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE."

That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store
apparently misunderstood the  word "Tampax" for
"THUMBTACKS."

In a business-like tone, a voice  boomed back over the
intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR
THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
College Kids and Credit Cards 
Credit card companies fall over themselves to offer credit
to new college students. If you have a child heading off to
college, be sure to warn them about this because they
can quickly amass high interest credit card debt that could
haunt them, and you, for years to come.

____________________________________________________

A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific
island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into
view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's
attention. The boat comes near the island, and the sailor
gets out and greets the stranded man.

After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts
you have here?"

"Well, that's my house there."

"What's that next hut?" asks the sailor.

"I built that hut to be my church."

"What about the other hut?"

"Oh, that's where I used to go to church."



 
Roy D Mercer - Dead Rooster


At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 4 men and 8 women:
Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea."

Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to
change your mind?"

Defendant: "No sir, when I pled 'Not Guilty' I didn't know
there would be women on the jury. Since I can't ever get
anything past my wife, I'll never be able to convince 8 women
jurors."

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 9, in
1793 Jean-Pierre Blanchard made the first successful balloon
flight in the U.S. 

1799 British Prime Minister William Pitt the Younger introduced
income tax, at two shillings (10p) in the pound, to raise funds
for the Napoleonic Wars. 

1894 The New England Telephone and Telegraph Company put the
first battery-operated switchboard into operation in Lexington,
MA. 

1902 New York State introduced a bill to outlaw flirting in
public. 

1905 In Russia, the civil disturbances known as the Revolution
of 1905 forced Czar Nicholas II to grant some civil rights. 

1929 The Seeing Eye was incorporated in Nashville, TN. The
company's purpose was to train dogs to guide the blind. 

1936 The United States Army adopted the semi-automatic rifle. 

1940 Television was used for the first time to present a sales
meeting to convention delegates in New York City. 

1951 The United Nations headquarters officially opened in New
York City. 

1969 The supersonic aeroplane Concorde made its first trial
flight, at Bristol. 

1972 The ocean liner Queen Elizabeth was destroyed by fire in
Hong Kong harbor. 

1972 British miners went on strike for the first time since
1926. 

1981 Hockey Hall of Famer, Phil Esposito, announced that he
would retire as a hockey player after the New York Rangers-
Buffalo Sabres hockey game. The game ended in a tie. (NHL) 

1986 Kodak got out of the instant camera business after 10
years due to a loss in a court battle that claimed that Kodak
copied Polaroid patents. 

1991 U.S. secretary of state Baker and Iraqi foreign minister
Aziz met for 61/2 hours in Geneva, but failed to reach any
agreement that would forestall war in the Persian Gulf. 

1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Poliakov, 51, completed his 366th
day in outer space aboard the Mir space station, breaking the
record for the longest continuous time spent in outer space. 

1997 Tamil rebels attacked a military base in Sri Lanka. 200
soldiers and 140 rebels were killed. 

2002 The U.S. Justice Department announced that it was pursuing
a criminal investigation of Enron Corp. The company had filed
for bankruptcy on December 2, 2001. 

2003 Archaeologists announced that they had found five more
chambers in the tomb of Qin Shihuang, China's first emperor.
The rooms were believed to cover about 750,000 square feet. 

2007 Steve Jobs, Apple Inc.'s CEO, announced the first
generation iPhone. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

No sound in earphones 

Monday, January 8, 2018, 08:24 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, January 8
Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Pessnyslvania police chief tried to solicit 
sex from agent posing as 14 year old girl


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 8 in
1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had
officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of the
Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached
British troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Men have become the tools of their tools.
--- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The
passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The
husband says "WHAT??"

The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her
emotional needs as a Woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen
tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next
day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept.
store.

He walks around and has her try on three very expensive
outfits. And then tells his wife. We'll take all three
of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth
$200 each. And then goes to the Jewelry Dept. and gets
a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she
thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not
care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband
says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you
like it then lets get it." The wife is jumping up and
down so excited she cannot even believe what is going
on. She says "I am ready to go, lets go to the cash
register."

The husband says," no - no - no, honey we're not
going to buy all this stuff."

The wife's face goes blank.

"No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a
while."

Her face gets really red and she is about to explode
and then the husband says,
"You must not be in tune with my emotional state about
unbalanced checkbooks and overdrawn VISAs!"

____________________________________________________

I was in my car one day listening to a guy on the radio   
help callers with their home problems. One woman called up   
hysterical after finding a skunk in her basement.   

"Leave a trail of breadcrumbs or cat food from your basement   
to your backyard," suggested the show's host. "That'll get   
rid of it."   

An hour later the woman called back, even more upset. "Now   
I have TWO skunks in my basement!"   
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




____________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read,   
"Big Lobster Tales, $5 each."   

Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked the   
waitress, "Five dollars each for lobster tails -- is that   
correct?"   

"Yes," she said. "It's our special just for today."   

"Well," he said, "they must be little lobster tails."   

"No," she replied, "it's the really big lobster."   

"Big red lobster tails, $5 each?" he said, amazed. "They   
must be old lobster tails!"   

"No, they're definitely today's."   

"Today's big red lobster tails -- $5 each?" he repeated,   
astounded.   

"Yes," she insisted.   

"Well, here's my five dollars," he said. "I'll take one."   

She took the money and led him to a table where she invited   
him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand   
on his shoulder, leaned over close to him, and said, "Once   
upon a time there was a really big, red lobster..."   
_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Michael W. Diebold, 40,
Leechburg,
Pennsylvania

Pessnyslvania police chief tried to solicit 
sex from agent posing as 14 year old girl

State prosecutors are accusing the police chief in a small
Pennsylvania town of trying to solicit sex online from an
undercover agent posing as a 14-year-old girl.

The attorney general's office on Friday arrested 40-year-old
Leechburg Police Chief Michael W. Diebold at a spot in
Westmoreland County where he had allegedly hoped to meet up
with the girl.

Prosecutors say he's charged with two felonies: unlawful
contact with a minor and criminal attempt to commit involuntary
deviate sexual intercourse.

A telephone message left at Diebold's home wasn't immediately
returned.

An officer answering the Leechburg Police phone says he learned
of the arrest late Friday from news reporters.

Part of Diebold's left arm was amputated last year in a
fireworks accident during a fire company carnival.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Nancy
Re: No sound in earphones
Dear Webby, 
Dear Webby,
Wondered if you could help me.  I purchased a
set of headphones to plug into my Dell laptop so I could
listen to music or watch a DVD without disturbing my husband.
BUT, I can't seem to get the headphones to work!  I am unable
to get any sound out of them.  Any thoughts?
Nancy in Oregon

Dear Nancy
Try the other two of the 3 similar looking sockets with
mysterious and hard to see symbols.

If you have the machine connected to external speakers,
unplug those and plug the headphones into that socket.

If you have sound coming from the internal squeakers, that
internal squeaker sound will instantly stop, when you have
found the right socket. if it doesn't, then call Dell about
warranty.

If the squeaker sound stops when you have found the right
socket, but there is no sound in the headphone, then return
the headphones and get different ones.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I
went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that
my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry
because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
---------------------
Believe it or not, they actually do that! They asked me that
question in Las Vegas. So I told her that the empty shirts are
on the other side of the counter, but that I was real and
needed that suitcase. 
I had to wait a day for it.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



A two-year-old daughter was with her mother while her older
sister was being examined by a dentist.  The two-year-old
kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until
she noticed that her mom was resting, with her eyes closed.

With about six other patients waiting, the child toddled up
to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her.
"Mommy," she yelled, "wake up!  This is not church!"
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Old phones are security risks
Phones are security risks

The Associated Press has uncovered a piece of information
that could save you a lot of embarrassment or worse.

It turns out that when you upgrade to a new cell phone and
get rid of your old one, those old text messages may go
with it.

"Resetting" the phone to clear the slate can be a lot more
difficult than owners think, meaning the new owner can get
a look at a lot of sensitive information. Used phones checked
by the Virginia security company, Trust Digital, contained
information ranging from sensitive corporate negotiations
to a married man's chit-chat with his girlfriend to bank
account numbers and passwords.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

A guaranteed safe way to get rid of old phones is the Phone
Throwuing World Championship:
http://www.mobilephonethrowing.fi/

There are quite a few local events too.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

____________________________________________________

Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two
fellows who had been rivals all their lives followed different
career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the
other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop.

As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport.
The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly,
"Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?"
The Admiral approached, bowed, and said
"Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition?"



 
Roy D Mercer - Dead Rooster

A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They
were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers
were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces.

The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife
will think I've been in a house of ill repute!"

The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it
on. My wife has never worked in a house of ill repute."
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 8, in
1642 Astronomer Galileo Galilei died in Arcetri, Italy. 

1675 The first corporation was chartered in the United States.
The company was the New York Fishing Company. 

1790 In the United States, George Washington delivered the
first State of the Union address. 

1815 The Battle of New Orleans began. The War of 1812 had
officially ended on December 24, 1814, with the signing of the
Treaty of Ghent. The news of the signing had not reached
British troops in time to prevent their attack on New Orleans. 

1838 Alfred Vail demonstrated a telegraph code he had devised
using dots and dashes as letters. The code was the predecessor
to Samuel Morse's code. 

1856 Borax (hydrated sodium borate) was discovered by Dr. John
Veatch. 

1877 Crazy Horse (Tashunca-uitco) and his warriors fought their
final battle against the U.S. Cavalry in Montana. 

1886 The Severn Railway Tunnel, Britain's longest, was opened. 

1889 The tabulating machine was patented by Dr. Herman
Hollerith. His firm, Tabulating Machine Company, later became
International Business Machines Corporation (IBM). 

1894 Fire caused serious damage at the World's Columbian
Exposition in Chicago, IL. 

1900 U.S. President McKinley placed Alaska under military rule.


1900 In South Africa, General White turned back the Boers
attack of Ladysmith. 

1908 A catastrophic train collision occurred in the smoke-
filled Park Avenue Tunnel in New York City. Seventeen were
killed and thirty-eight were injured. The accident caused a
public outcry and increased demand for electric trains. 

1916 During World War I, the final withdrawal of Allied troops
from Gallipoli took place. 

1918 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson announced his Fourteen
Points as the basis for peace upon the end of World War I. 

1935 The spectrophotometer was patented by A.C. Hardy. 

1958 Bobby Fisher, at the age of 14, won the United States
Chess Championship for the first time. 

1959 Charles De Gaulle was inaugurated as president of France's
Fifth Republic. 

1962 Leonardo da Vinci's Mona Lisa was exhibited in America for
the first time at the National Gallery of Art in Washington,
DC. The next day the exhibit opened to the public. 

1973 Secret peace talks between the United States and North
Vietnam resumed near Paris, France. 

1973 The trial opened in Washington, of seven men accused of
bugging Democratic Party headquarters in the Watergate
apartment complex in Washington, DC. 

1982 American Telephone & Telegraph (AT&T) settled the Justice
Department's antitrust lawsuit against it by agreeing to divest
itself of the 22 Bell System companies. 

1982 The U.S. Justice Department withdrew an antitrust suit
against IBM. 

1992 U.S. President George H.W. Bush collapsed during a state
dinner in Tokyo. White House officials said Bush was suffering
from stomach flu. 

1993 Bosnian President Izetbegovic visited the U.S. to plead
his government's case for Western military aid and intervention
to halt Serbian aggression. 

1994 Tonya Harding won the ladies' U.S. Figure Skating
Championship in Detroit, MI, a day after Nancy Kerrigan dropped
out because of a clubbing attack that injured her right knee.
The U.S. Figure Skating Association later took the title from
Harding because of her involvement in the attack. 

1998 Ramzi Yousef was sentenced to life in prison for his role
of mastermind behind the World Trade Center bombing in New
York. 

1998 Scientists announced that they had discovered that
galaxies were accelerating and moving apart and at faster
speeds. 

1999 The top two executives of Salt Lake City's Olympic
Organizing Committee resigned amid disclosures that civic
boosters had given cash to members of the International Olympic
Committee. 

2009 In Egypt, archeologists entered a 4,300 year old pyramid
and discovered the mummy of Queen Sesheshet. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Leaving USB cables connected 

Sunday, January 7, 2018, 10:43 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, January 7
Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Thank you Cly6de!!!
Thank You, Norm!!


Todays Bonehead Award:

Connecticut woman tried to snort
white christmas in police HQ
lghch 

Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 6 in
1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to 
Anne of Cleves, his fourth wife. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.
--- Frank Leahy

That sums up Al Gore!
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

What is love? 
A group of professional people posed this question to a group
of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could
have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and
paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her
all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's
love."
Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is
different. You just know that your name is safe in their
mouth."
Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving
cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your
French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes
a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of
kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My
Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop
opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a
friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears
it everyday."
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are
still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"My mommy loves me more than anybody . You don't see anyone
else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the very best piece of
chicken."
Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says
he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left
him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her
old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and
little stars come out of you." 
Karen - age 7

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But
if you mean it, you should say it a lot. 'Cus people sometimes
forget."
Jessica - age 8

____________________________________________________

The census taker knocked on an old lady's door.  He asked her
several questions and she answered all of them except one.
She refused to tell him her age.

"But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said.

"Did Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?"
she asked stubbornly.

"Certainly," the census taker replied.

Then the lady snapped, "Well, I'm the same age as they are."

So, the census taker remarked: OK, I'll put down,
"As old as the Hills."
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




____________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from
work one day, "I have great news for you.  Pretty soon we're
going to be three in this house instead of two."

The husband started glowing with happiness.  He kissed
his wife and said, "Oh darling, this makes me the happiest
person in the world."

And she said, "I'm so happy you feel this way.
I was worried that you wouldn't like my mother moving in."

_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Nicole Hunter,
25,
Ledyard
Connecticut

Connecticut woman tried to snort
white christmas in police HQ

While waiting to be booked for causing a disturbance on
Christmas Day, the 25-year-old Connecticut resident removed
some cocaine from her pocket and attempted to snort the drug
inside the local police department, cops allege.

Hunter was collared after Ledyard police received reports of a
reckless driver behind the wheel of a Kia SUV. After cops
located the suspect vehicle in Hunter’s driveway, she allegedly
became belligerent and charged at officers, resulting in her
arrest.

After being transported to Ledyard’s police headquarters,
Hunter--who was waiting to be searched--removed a bindle of
cocaine from her pocket and sought to snort the white powder.
Her attempt was unsuccessful, cops say.

Pictured above, Hunter was charged with narcotics possession,
disorderly conduct, and interfering with a police officers.
Free on bond, Hunter is scheduled for a January 8 court
appearance.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Sharon
Re: USB cables connected
Dear Webby, 
Dear Webby,
Thanks for the fun letter!
I finally did invest in a digital camera. Have just begun
to read the book.
I have 2 questions.
1) Would it be ok to connect the usb cable to the pc & leave
it plugged in even when not connected to the camera?
My connection is at the base of the pc which is on the floor
& it is sometimes difficult to get down to connect it.

2) I haven't tried sending the pic to the pc yet so I can
email them to family & friends but am curious as to what
size would good to send. Some pics I have received have
are so big they seem to take so long to download.
Any size suggestions?

Thanks so much for your help. This will be a new experience
for me.
Sharon

Dear Sharon
Yes, sure you can leave the cable plugged into the PC.
Just put the open end into a cup, in case any electrons drip
out.
Just kidding about anything dripping out, but it's a good
idea to put the open end into an empty bud vase or a pencil
cup or anything that will securely hold it on the desk.
If it falls down on the floor and you drive over the cable
end with your chair, the cable is ruined.

The best size for mailing pictures is the size I use in
the Humor Letter: 600 pixels wide.
You can always tell them that, if they want a bigger size
for printing it out to specify what size they want.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.

A child was on his first visit to the country at his
grandparents' ranch and feeding the chickens fascinated him.
Early one morning he caught his first glimpse of a peacock
strutting in the yard.

He rushed into the house, where his grandmother was making
breakfast and screamed, "Grandma, come and see!
One of the chickens is in bloom!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



Johnnie's Teacher paid a visit to his house one day.  When
little Johnny opened the door, she asked
"Johnnie, are your father and mother in?"

"They was in, but they is out." he answered.

The teacher gasped, "Why, Johnnie, it is 'They
were in, they are out' Where's your grammar?"

"She's in jail. Mom and dad is gone to bail her out"

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
The Benefits of Buying Used Cars
You can save a bundle on your next car purchase by buying
a used car. One of the common concerns I hear from people
about used cars is that they will require expensive repairs
sooner than new cars. There is no question that repair
bills can be outrageously expensive but here's one way
to look at it. If a new car costs you $15,000 (or more)
and a five year old version of the same car costs $5,000,
the difference in price leaves you a lot of room to make
repairs and still come out on top.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.
When Adam stayed out late for a few nights, Eve became
upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged.

"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the
only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be
awakened by someone poking him in the chest.

It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam
demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.



 
Incredible art work from a pencil!

Thanks to Phil for this report:
My boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so
he sent a memo saying that any paper left
on desks would be removed at night and
we would have to fill out a form to get it back.

So we left all our garbage paper on our desks
every night.

next day, the boss had an office full of garbage,
and we never heard about the policy again.
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 7, in
1558 Calais, the last English possession on mainland France,
was recaptured by the French. 

1610 Galileo Galilei found four of Jupiter's moons. He named
them Io, Europa, Ganymede, and Callisto. They have since been
misplaced and you can't find them any more.

1782 The Bank of North America opened in Philadelphia. It was
the first commercial bank in the United States. 

1785 French aeronaut/balloonist Jean-Pierre Blanchard
successfully made the first air-crossing of the English Channel
from the English coast to France. 

1789 Americans voted for the electors that would choose George
Washington to be the first U.S. president. 

1887 Thomas Stevens completed the first worldwide bicycle trip.
He started his trip in April 1884. Stevens and his bike
traveled 13,500 miles in almost three years time. 

1894 W.K. Dickson received a patent for motion picture film. 

1896 The "Fannie Farmer Cookbook" was published. 

1904 The distress signal "CQD" was established. Two years later
"SOS" became the radio distress signal because it was quicker
to send by wireless radio. 

1927 Transatlantic telephone service began between New York and
London. 31 calls were made on this first day. 

1927 In Hinckley IL, the Harlem Globetrotters played their
first game. 

1929 The debut of "Buck Rogers 2429 A.D." occurred in
newspapers around the U.S. The title of the comic strip was
later changed to "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century." 

1932 Chancellor Heinrich Brüning declared that Germany cannot,
and will not, resume reparations payments. 

1935 French Foreign Minister Pierre Laval and Italian Prime
Minister Benito Mussolini signed the Italo-French agreements. 

1940 "Gene Autry’s Melody Ranch" debuted on CBS Radio. The show
aired for 16 years. 

1941 The NBC Blue radio network presented "The Squeaky Door"
for the first time. The show was later known as "Inner
Sanctum." 

1942 The World War II siege of Bataan began. 

1949 The announcement of the first photograph of genes was
shown at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles. 

1953 U.S. President Harry Truman announced the development of
the hydrogen bomb. 

1954 The Duoscopic TV receiver was unveiled this day. The TV
set allowed the watching of two different shows at the same
time. 

1959 The United States recognized Fidel Castro's new government
in Cuba. 

1975 OPEC agreed to raise crude oil prices by 10%, which began
a time of world economic inflation. 

1979 Vietnamese forces captured the Cambodian capital of Phnom
Penh, overthrowing the Khmer Rouge government. 

1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that
authorized $1.5 billion in loans for the bail out of Chrysler
Corp. 

1989 Crown Prince Akihito became the emperor of Japan following
the death of his father, Emperor Hirohito. 

1990 The Leaning Tower of Pisa was closed to the public. The
accelerated rate of "leaning" raised fears for the safety of
its visitors. 

1996 Alvaro Arzu was elected president of Guatemala. 

1996 One of the biggest blizzards in U.S. history hit the
eastern states. More than 100 deaths were later blamed on the
severe weather. 

1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky signed an
affidavit denying that she had an affair with U.S. President
Clinton. 

1999 U.S. President Clinton went on trial before the Senate. It
was only the second time in U.S. history that an impeached
president had gone to trial. Clinton was later acquitted of
perjury and obstruction of justice charges. 

2002 Microsoft Corp. chairman Bill Gates introduced a new
device code named Mira. The device was tablet-like and was a
cross between a handheld computer and a TV remote control. 

2009 Russia shut off all gas supplies to Europe through
Ukraine. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin publicly endorsed the
move and urged greater international involvement in the energy
dispute. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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---

Find lost files 

Saturday, January 6, 2018, 03:26 PM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, January 6
Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Woman arrested in New Year's Day car jacking and 
murder of young mother at Florida BP station.
Typical BLM.
lghch 

Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 6 in
1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to 
Anne of Cleves, his fourth wife. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.
--- Frank Leahy
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

.From Clyde
Thanks for your daily e-mail. It makes my day.
Best Buy just informed me they have discontinued their
relationship with Kaspersky Labs.
I have that software on my computer.
They offer me the newest version of Trend Micro™ internet
security software.
I have never that I recall heard of that. What do you
recommend?
Clyde

Hi Clyde
Just use Malwarebytes from
http://webby.com/malwarebytes
It replaces all of the others.
Hvae Fun!
DearWebby
____________________________________________________

The owner of a business was confused about paying a bill,
so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help...

"If I were to give you $200, minus 14%, how much would
you take off?" he asked her.

The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings!"
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




____________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

"Hello?" Linda responded, answering the phone.

"I bet you want me to come over to your house, take
you into the bedroom, undress you, lick you from head to toe,
and then make mad passionate love to you all night long,"
the male voice whispered sensuously.

"Wow!," she replied. "You could tell all that just from
me saying 'hello?'"
_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Tairrah McGriff,
22,
Jacksonville,
Florida

Woman arrested in New Year's Day car jacking and 
murder of young mother at Florida BP station.
Typical BLM.

An arrest has been made in the killing of a young Jacksonville
mother.

Sahara Barkley, 24, was shot on New Year’s Day during a
carjacking at the BP station on Stockton Street in Riverside.
Barkley, the mother of a 1-year-old, was taken to the hospital,
where she was pronounced dead. 

The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office said late Friday night that
22-year-old Tairrah McGriff was arrested for Barkley's murder.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: Find lost files
Dear Webby, 
Firstly, have a Happy and Healthy New Year.

I've been searching for some files in MS Word and cannot seem
to locate them.
Is there a way to 'search' for missing files?  If so please
keep explanation in the form of "See spot chase puff".

Peace
Frank

Dear Frank
I would need skis to chase puff.

You may have seen me mention
SearchEverything.
Download the Installer at
https://www.voidtools.com/downloads/

It is the best searcher in this galaxy.
And it is free.

You can customize the search to speed it up, 
for example just documents or just pictures or just programs,
etc.,
with a simple click.

One of these decades I am going to  read the manual, 
but not just yet. It works well enough.

When Done with it, close it.
It does use some memory when it is running.
Unless you have tons of memory, just quit it when done.

If things slow down, use CTRL SHIFT ESC 
to get the Windoze task manager,
highlight SearchEverything, and end it.

Just type a part of the file name that you are looking for.
It will find all occurrences of that fragment.
You will love that Power-toy!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


The future father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support
a family?"

The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no.  I was just
planning to support your daughter.  The rest of you will have
to fend for yourselves."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!



Three Pastors in the South were having lunch in a diner.
One said "You know, since summer started I've been having
trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church.
I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to
scare them away."

Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds
living in my belfry and in the narthex attic.   I've even
had the place fumigated and they won't go away."

The third said, "I baptized all mine, made them members
of the church and asked for donations. Haven't seen one back
since!"
____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
20% Down on New Cars
When buying a new or used car from a dealer, make a down
payment of at least 20%. That will be a enough to cover taxes
and most of the vehicles first year depreciation. Dealerships
will gladly sell you a car with less down, but that will leave
you with an upside down loan for years. An upside down loans
means you owe more than the car is worth.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________


The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in   
his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother   
the lens was no where to be found.   

Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned   
with the lens in her hand.   

"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.   

"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You   
were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking   
for $150."   



 
Recently discovered photos of civilian life in the Wild West years.

The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the woman  
he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposal.
He began what can only be called a "Campaign" and sent her a  
token of his affection every day for a month to her house.   

The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love   
with the UPS man.   
___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 6, in
0871 England's King Alfred defeated the Danes at the Battle of
Ashdown. 

1205 Philip of Swabia was crowned as King of the Romans. 

1453 Frederick III erected Austria into an Archduchy. 

1540 King Henry VIII of England was married to Anne of Cleves,
his fourth wife. 

1720 The Committee of Inquiry on the South Sea Bubble published
its findings. 

1838 Samuel Morse publicly demonstrated the telegraph for the
first time. 

1896 The first American women’s six-day bicycle race was held
at Madison Square Garden in New York City. 

1900 In India, it was reported that millions of people were
dying from starvation. 

1900 Off of South Africa, the British seized the German steamer
Herzog. The boat was released on January 22, 1900. 

1930 The first diesel-engine automobile trip was completed
after a run of 792 miles from Indianapolis, IN, to New York
City, NY. 

1931 Thomas Edison executed his last patent application. 

1941 Richard Widmark made his debut on radio in "The Home of
the Brave." 

1942 The first commercial around-the-world airline flight took
place. Pan American Airlines was the company that made history
with the feat. 

1945 The Battle of the Bulge ended with 130,000 German and
77,000 Allied casualties. 

1950 Britain recognized the Communist government of China. 

1952 "Peanuts" debuted in Sunday papers across the United
States. 

1963 "Wild Kingdom" premiered on NBC. 

1967 U.S. and South Vietnamese forces launched a major
offensive, known as Operation "Deckhouse V", in the Mekong
River delta. 

1982 William G. Bonin was convicted in Los Angeles, CA, of
being the "freeway killer" who had murdered 14 young men and
boys. 

1987 After a 29-year lapse, the Ford Thunderbird was presented
with the Motor Trend Car of the Year Award. It was the first
occurrence of a repeat winner of the award. 

1994 Figure skater Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed on the right leg
by an assailant at Cobo Arena in Detroit, MI. Four men were
later sentenced to prison for the attack, including Tonya
Harding's ex-husband. 

1998 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect was launched into orbit
around the moon. The craft was crashed into the moon, in an
effort to find water under the lunar surface, on July 31, 1999.


2004 In the United Arab Emirates, construction began on the
Burj Khalifa skyscraper. Upon completion it was the world's
largest building. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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Satellite modem 

Friday, January 5, 2018, 07:08 AM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, January 5
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Lancaster man sentenced up to 30 years for 
beating woman, already serving 10 years for 
sex abuse of minor


Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 5 in
1885 The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to
offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation of
farm wagons on trains. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth
about other people.
--- Philip Guedalla (1889 - 1944)

But what is the difference between literature and journalism?
...Journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. That
is all.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900),
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

The colonel had three Second Lieutenants eligible for
promotion. The problem was, he only had one First Lieutenant
Slot available.

The colonel called the first butter-bar into his office and
said, "This is a promotion test. If I was to tell you that I
wanted a flag pole erected in front of Post HQ by 1700, what
would you do?"

The Lt. thought about it for a second, and said, "Sir. I
would get a shovel, head for HQ and start digging . . . "

"You're not ready to be promoted," the Colonel interrupted.
The colonel asked the same question of the next candidate.

"Sir," said the next butter-bar, "I would fill out a CE work
order, making sure I made provisions for the appropriate
environmental study and  . . . "

"You are definitely not ready to be promoted," the Colonel
said.

The Colonel asked the question of the final candidate.

Without hesitation, the Lieutenant said, "Sir. I would call
the First Sergeant, and say, 'Top, I want a @#$#@ flag pole
set up in front of HQ by 16:30, standing perfectly straight!"

"You're ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.

____________________________________________________

From Paul:
My wife and I are inseparable.

In fact, last week it took four Mounties and a police dog
to keep us apart.
_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




____________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

I just came across this old tech support story. Totally
obsolete, but too good to just let it die.
Keep in mind that this is from a very long time ago,
when Windows came on a stack of floppy disks and when
a Mac's standard way of dealing with a PC floppy was to
destroy all data on it and format it.

An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a
Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.

Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to
install them on my home computer."

Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police,"
so I let the little act of piracy slide.
Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?"

Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't
initialized."

Tech Support: "Do you remember the message exactly,
ma'am?"

Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a
Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'"

Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?"

Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks
appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work,
and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to
format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks
for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"

_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Alexander Ramos-Pacheco,
Lancaster,
Pennsylvania

Lancaster man sentenced up to 30 years for 
beating woman, already serving 10 years for 
sex abuse of minor

A Lancaster man serving a 10-year federal sentence for sex
abuse of a child was sentenced up to 30 more years for
beatings of a woman, according to the Lancaster County
district attorney's office.

Alexander Ramos-Pacheco, 27, was sentenced in Lancaster
County Court to 13 to 30 years in state prison on charges
including aggravated assault and use of an electronic
incapacitation device.

Ramos-Pacheco pleaded guilty in November to a series of
beatings of the woman at his Lancaster city home.

Over years he strangled the woman and abused her with a stun
gun, zapping her more than 20 times and leaving marks and
scars on her body, the district attorney's office said.

In court last week Judge Donald Totaro called the abuse
"sadistic."

Lead investigator Lancaster city police Det. Randy Zook told
the judge the woman would have likely become a homicide
victim if police had not intervened.

Assistant District Attorney Karen Mansfield played a 5-minute
recording taken by Ramos-Pacheco on his cellphone during one
beating. 

Totaro ordered the sentenced be served consecutively to the
10-year federal term Ramos-Pacheco was sentenced to February
2016. 

Ramos-Pacheco also pleaded guilty to three counts of simple
assault, making terroristic threats and stalking.

He is serving the 10-year federal sentence for sexually
abusing a 15-year-old girl he contacted online then drove out
of state to meet. The FBI assisted Lancaster city police and
the U.S. Attorney's Office prosecuted in that case.


_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Ellen
Re: Satellite modem
Dear Webby, 
Can I use a satellite dish and a satellite modem for our
business here in Montana?
Thanks
Ellen

Dear Ellen
Theoretically, yes. Practically, no.
I would not advise satellite modems for business purposes
anywhere north of the Mason/Dixon line. Even though you can
get a beautiful TV picture even up in Alaska, the signal has
to travel through too much polluted air to be able to
maintain a high speed connection reliably at all times in
Montana.

Sure, you could use a satellite modem and connect quite
often. However, "quite often" is not good enough for a
business. Even in Florida or Texas or Arizona, practically
directly below the satellite, you need a land line dial-up
back-up for times of bad weather.

That has nothing to do with the satellite dish or the channel
dealer. It's strictly a matter of dirty air and bad weather
interfering with high speed data transfer.

In your area it is probably best to just use the satellite
dish for TV.

You might be able to get line of sight wireless from your
ISP. For a business, that is an excellent solution, and you
can get fantastic speeds.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED   
they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with   
the responsibility.   

One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times   
do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked 

after it?"   

After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically,   
"Er.... Once?"   



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a   
senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under- 

ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into   
them.   

"What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?"   
I joked.   

"It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly.   

"Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a   
lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would   
extinguish it before the fumes ignited?"   

"No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion  

would blow out the match."   

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Rolling Existing Car Loans Into a New Car Purchase
Don't buy a new car if you haven't paid off your old one
unless you have equity accumulated. One common practice
at dealerships is to offer to roll the balance of an
existing loan into the financing for a new car. It usually
creates a situation where you are taking a loan that is
greater than the value of the car you are buying. While
this makes it easy to leave the car lot with a sparkling
new car, it's bad practice for consumers and a financial
boon for dealers and lenders. Anything that is good for
them, is usually bad for you.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

We were discussing the "don'ts" of public speaking in the PR 

class I teach. "Don'ts" include a man reaching into his   
pants pocket and jangling change as he speaks, which is very 

distracting. To illustrate my point, I asked for a student   
volunteer, saying, "I need a man with coins in his pocket." 


What I got instead was a girl yelling out, "Hey, so do I!"   



 
What an incredible library!


Dear Webby,
I just wanted to thank you for having Babelfish.
I used it for the first time to translate a letter into
Dutch,
and am so very pleased, as I have a hard time understanding
my Dutch friends, and I know they must have a bit of a
problem understanding me, as it has been 20 years since
they were in Canada. So thank you for having this on your
page.
Yours truly, Fummer


Amazing what you can find in that side menu!

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 5, in
1781 Richmond, VA, was burned by a British naval expedition
led by Benedict Arnold. 

1885 The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to
offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation of
farm wagons on trains. 

1896 It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm
Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that became
known as X-rays. 

1900 In Ireland, Nationalist leader John Edward Redmond
called for a revolt against British rule. 

1903 The general public could use the Pacific cable for the
very first time. 

1914 Ford Motor Company announced that there would be a new
daily minimum wage of $5 and an eight-hour workday. 

1933 In California, construction of the Golden Gate Bridge
began. 

1940 The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) got its very
first demonstration of FM radio. 

1948 Warner Brothers-Pathe showed the very first color
newsreel. The footage was of the Tournament of Roses Parade
and the Rose Bowl football classic. 

1956 In the Peanuts comic strip, Snoopy walked on two legs
for the first time. 

1972 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon ordered the development
of the space shuttle. 

1987 U.S. President Ronald Reagan underwent prostate surgery.


1993 The state of Washington executed Westley Allan Dodd. It
was America's first legal hanging since 1965. Dodd was an
admitted child sex killer. 

1998 U.S. Representative Sonny Bono died in skiing accident. 

2002 A 15 year-old student pilot, Charles Bishop, crashed a
small plane into a building in Tampa, FL. Bishop was about to
begin a flying lesson when he took off without permission and
without an instructor. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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Petitions 

Thursday, January 4, 2018, 12:11 PM
Posted by Administrator

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, January 4

Thank you, Lillemor and Gene!!!

Have FUN!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:

Florida woman charged with DUI 
while riding horse

Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, January 4 in
1951 During the Korean conflict, North Korean and Communist
Chinese forces captured the city of Seoul. 

See More of what happened on this day in history.

______________________________________________________



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
please donate what you can!



______________________________________________________
Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always
find someone else to do it for you.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)  

When things start to make sense,
THAT'S when to hit the panic button.
--- Pat D

An expert is a person who avoids small errors
as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy.
--- Benjamin Stolberg
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Roberta for this story:
Thibodeau wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until
he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question,"
the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the
number 9."

"Witout numbers?" Thibodeau says, "Dat is easy."
And he proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks.

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,"
says Thibodeau.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question.
Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

Thibodeau stares into space for a while, then picks up the
picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each
tree.  "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you
get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and
dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have
to hire this guy, so he says, "All right, last question.
Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

Thibodeau stares into space some more, then he picks up
the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each
tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think
that represents a hundred!"

Thibodeau leans forward and points to the marks at the base
of each tree and says, "A little doggie came along and crap
by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty
tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one
hundred. 
So, when I start?"

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Moe for this picture:


_____________________________________________________


______________________________________________________




____________________________________


If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________

When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing
a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.  If it
snaps off or comes out of the ground easily, it was a
valuable plant.

_____________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD 
has been earned by

Donna Byrne,
53,
Lakeland,
Florida

Florida woman charged with DUI 
while riding horse

A Florida judge says a sheriff's office must retain custody
of a horse whose owner was charged with drunken driving while
riding the animal.

In a report by The Lakeland Ledger, Polk County Judge Sharon
Franklin said 53-year-old Donna Byrne was unfit to care for
the horse. Franklin also said Byrne must complete treatment
for alcohol addiction.

Byrne was arrested Nov. 2 after riding her horse down a
highway. Police said her blood-alcohol level twice Florida's
legal limit.

Byrne's attorney, Craig Whisenhunt, says he will revisit the
custody issue at a Jan. 11 hearing regarding additional
pending charges of disorderly intoxication, animal
endangerment and culpable negligence.

Whisenhunt questions whether the charges applied to Byrne,
saying she had not been disorderly and was a pedestrian under
the law.

_________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Dani
Re: Petitions
Dear Webby, 
I receive a lot of petitions like the one below. Can you tell
me if it will actully be sent to the people intended and
does it do any good or is it just trashed as junk mail?
Thanks for your help.
Dani
----
PETITION FOR: President Trump and Schwarzenegger
....

Dear Dani
Looks like garbage to me.
There is nothing that Trump or Schwarzenegger can do
about it. They are not the ones who make your laws. All
they do is make suggestions, then your Senate and Congress
twist those around to suit themselves, which usually is the
opposite, and then Trump and Arnold wind up having to take
the blame for those laws, and explain them to the people.

Petitions like that one carry exactly the same amount of
clout as any other nonsense forwards coming out of AOL.
Even if it was sent to the White House, some spam technician
would say "Buncha Morons!" and hit the Delete key.
A few hundred names on a non-verified list don't count for
more than spam about snake oil or fake watches.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
No need to re-install them. 
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.


Bubba takes a photo of the front of his house to the local
copy store and asks the clerk to put it on disk for him.
He does.

They are both looking at the monitor to see the results,
and the man asks if the picture can be turned.

"Sure" says the clerk.

The man replies, "Good, I need a shot of the back of my
house also."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




What happens when you have deja vu and amnesia at the
same time?

You have the feeling that you're forgetting the same thing
all over again.

____________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Refurbishing A Faded Patio Umbrella

One day Little Johnny's teacher, decided to play a spelling
game. She gave a letter of the alphabet and the kids have
to spell a word starting with that letter, then use it in a
sentence. Starting with "A" Little Johnny's hand was
continually in the air, but the teacher ignored him.
Little Johnny had a propensity for lewd remarks and could
turn the simplest of statements into sexual innuendo.
The teacher was afraid to let Johnny use any letter that
he could turn into a lewd statement.

"All right now, Susan, you first?" said the teacher.

"A is for Ape, A-P-E, An ape likes bananas" answered Susan.

"Excellent " said the teacher.

She continues on through the alphabet. Finally she reaches F.
Now she will NOT let Little Johnny answer this under any
circumstances so she asks Mary.
"F is for Fairy F-A-I-R-Y, they're little girls who live
among the flowers", Mary replies.

"Great", says the teacher. "Now we get to G".

Only Little Johnny has his hand up so the teacher thinks
about this and decides "G" is a safe one.
"Yes Johnny?" She asks.

"G is for Gnome G-N-O-M-E. A Gnome lives among the
flowers too".

"Johnny! That's Excellent!" Exclaims the teacher, very happy
that for once he wasn't out of line.

Little Johnny goes on to say, "yes, teacher, he's the one
who knocks up the fairies!"

Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com

____________________________________________________

Came across this one in my archives.
Thanks to *Sandie for this story:
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter
Paradise , God appeared and said, "I want the men to make
two lines.
One line for the men who were true heads of their household,
and the other line for the men who were dominated by their
women.
I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.

The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was
100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads
of their household, there was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves,
I created you to be the head of your household! You have
been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose!
Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the
only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
---------
*Sandie


Remember that 30 year old Ferro cactus a couple of days ago?
Here is Sandie claiming that this 200 year old Ferro wants to
go home with her. It is an old picture. Sandie got her wings
4 years ago. 



 
Beautiful butterfly murals on buildings.  Hurry up Spring and Summer so we can see these beautiful "flutter bys" as I call them. 

 
Thank you so very much for a wonderful newsletter.
You are makimng a huge difference in many lives.
Joe W.

___________________________________________________


Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

____________________________________________________



Today, January 4, in
1850 The first American ice-skating club was organized in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1884 The socialist Fabian Society was founded in London. 

1936 The first pop music chart based on national sales was
published by "Billboard" magazine. 

1944 The attack on Monte Cassino was launched by the British
Fifth Army in Italy. 

1948 Britain granted independence to Burma. 

1951 During the Korean conflict, North Korean and Communist
Chinese forces captured the city of Seoul. 

1953 Tufted plastic carpeting was introduced by Barwick
Mills. 

1958 The Soviet satellite Sputknik I fell to the earth from
its orbit. The craft had been launched on October 4, 1957. 

1962 New York City introduced a train that operated without
conductors and motormen. 

1965 The Fender Guitar Company was sold to CBS for $13
million. 

1974 U.S. President Nixon refused to hand over tape
recordings and documents subpoenaed by the Senate Watergate
Committee. 

1984 Wayne ‘The Great One’ Gretzky scored eight points (four
goals and four assists) for the second time in his National
Hockey League (NHL) career. Edmonton Oilers defeated the
Minnesota North Stars, 12-8. The game was the highest-scoring
NHL game to date. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously to condemn
Israel's treatment of the Palestinians in the occupied
territories.

1997 The Greek Cypriot government signed an agreement to buy
S-300 surface-to-air missiles from Russia. 

1999 A drifting Nicaraguan fishing boat was found by the
Norwegian oil tanker Joelm. The fisherman had been lost at
sea for 35 days after the engine of their vessel quit
working. 

1999 Former professional wrestler Jesse Ventura was sworn in
as Minnesota's 37th governor. 

2007 Nancy Pelosi became Speaker of the U.S. House of
Representatives. She was the first woman to hold the
position. 

2010 In Dubai, United Arab Emirates, the Burj Dubai (Dubai
Tower) opened as the world's tallest tower at 2,625 feet. 

2018  smiled.

 
 

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