Dear Webby: Hiding Files 

Saturday,  March 31, 2007
======================================

A good listener is not only popular everywhere,
but after a while he gets to know something.
--- Wilson Mizner

A happy childhood is poor preparation for human contacts.
--- Colette

=======================================

A major research institution has recently announced the
discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to
science. The new element has been tentatively named
Governmentium.

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75
deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it
an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-
like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no
electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to
take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take
less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons
exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization will cause
some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists
to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons
reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

======================================

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Thanks to Sandie for this:

Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay
me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes
as they see fit. In order to get that paycheck. I am required
to pass a random urine test, which I have no problem with.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to
people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one
have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check, because I
have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people
get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem
with helping someone sit on their butt. Could you imagine
how much money the state would save if people had to
pass a urine test to get a public assistance check ?

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 29 wanna-be burglar in Berlin, Germany Major Klutz March 22, 2007 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters A hapless German thief snapped his credit card in two while prying open a lock, inadvertently leaving behind his name and account details for police. "He tried to copy what he'd seen them do on television, but the flat owner woke up and the criminal ran away," a police spokesman said on Thursday. "The victim called up and read us the details off the card." "When we got around to the burglar's house, the other half of his credit card was sitting on his kitchen table." The 29-year-old burglar was trying to open the door to his neighbor's flat in Moenchengladbach in western Germany, police said. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this report: A TALE OF TWO HOUSES (Cowboys and Indians vs Global Warming) (I think we whould send this email to everyone so the masses can understand the real...' An Inconvenient Truth' ! Some can talk the talk but don't bother to walk the walk. House 1 The four-bedroom home was planned so that "every room has a relationship with something in the landscape that's different from the room next door. Each of the rooms feels like a slightly different place." The resulting single-story house is a paragon of environmental planning. The passive-solar house is built of honey-colored native limestone and positioned to absorb winter sunlight, warming the interior walkways and walls of the 4,000-square-foot residence. Geothermal heat pumps circulate water through pipes buried 300 feet deep in the ground. These waters pass through a heat exchange system that keeps the home warm in winter and cool in summer. A 25,000-gallon underground cistern collects rainwater gathered from roof urns; wastewater from sinks, toilets, and showers cascades into underground purifying tanks and is also funneled into the cistern. The water from the cistern is then used to irrigate the landscaping around the four-bedroom home, (which) uses indigenous grasses, shrubs, and flowers to complete the exterior treatment of the home. In addition to its minimal environmental impact, the look and layout of the house reflect one of the paramount priorities: relaxation. A spacious 10-foot porch wraps completely around the residence and beckons the family outdoors. With few hallways to speak of, family and guests make their way from room to room either directly or by way of the porch. "The house doesn't hold you in. Where the porch ends, there is grass. There is no step-up at all." This house consumes 25% of the energy of an average American home. (Source: Cowboys and Indians Magazine, Oct. 2002 and Chicago Tribune April 2001.) House 2 This 20-room, 8-bathroom house consumes more electricity every month than the average American household uses in an entire year. The average household in America consumes 10,656 kilowatt-hours (kWh) per year, according to the Department of Energy. In 2006, this house devoured nearly 221,000 kWh, more than 20 times the national average. Last August alone, the house burned through 22,619 kWh, guzzling more than twice the electricity in one month than an average American family uses in an entire year. As a result of this energy consumption, the average monthly electric bill topped $1,359. Also, natural gas bills for this house and guest house averaged $1,080 per month last year. In total, this house had nearly $30,000 in combined electricity and natural gas bills for 2006. (Source: just about anywhere in the news last month online and on talk radio, but barely on TV.) House 1... belongs to George and Laura Bush, in Crawford, Texas. House 2... belongs to Al and Tipper Gore, in Nashville,Tennessee. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== "I want to buy a dress to put on around the house." "Yes, Madam. How large is your house?" "What are you going to be when you graduate?" "An old man" "I spent three years in college taking medicine." "Are you well now?" "We are having mother for dinner, darling." "Make sure she's well done." "It seems that everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other." "Well, I guess that's why I've got two ears." "May I hold your hand?" "No, thanks, It isn't heavy." "Do these stairs take you to the second floor?" "No, you'll have to walk" "I have changed! my mind." Thank heaven! Does it work better now?" Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? Customer: What other colors do you have? ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Geoff Re: Hiding files Dear Webby and as always, great stuff daily! Quick question if you have a moment. Can or is it possible to password protect just individual files? My computer is password protected as it should be but I have one or two files that I would like to further protect as it has personal statistics that others that use my computer can not get access to. If you could shed any light on this, at your convenience, it would be appreciated. Thanks and do keep up the great work!! Best regards from Ontario Geoff Dear Geoff Usually you would use an encryption program for stuff like that. There are lots of free ones available. I go a step further and put that kind of stuff into e:\Accounting-Tips\Tax-Forms\1998\ NOBODY ever looks in there. e:\Recipes\vegetarian\one-year-diet\ is also pretty safe. You can download tons of recipes quickly, since they are often in zip files. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 24, 2007 - Washington DC - AP Laura Brown, a mother with a son who fought in the Iraq war, is trying to improve conditions at Walter Reed Army Medical Center _ one laptop computer at a time. The 50-year-old from Cody, Wyo., was chatting on the internet with the mother of a wounded soldier two years ago when the mother mentioned she had to print out her son's e-mails and take them to him at Walter Reed because there weren't enough laptop computers to go around. Brown, whose own son had recently returned safely from the war, thought the solution to that problem seemed incredibly easy. ''It just kind of hit me,'' she said. ''If one person needed one, then there's others. ... I mean, my son had e-mail in Iraq. I was really stunned.'' So Brown formed a group, Laptops for the Wounded, to raise money for the cause. Since its fundraising effort began in November 2005, Brown's organization has donated 27 computers to military hospitals around the country _ 24 of them to Walter Reed. On Friday, Brown flew to Washington to deliver 10 donated laptops to the hospital in person. Those computers, which were upgraded and refitted with new equipment, included Web cameras so soldiers could lay eyes on their families from afar. ''She basically just made it her mission,'' said Lisa Ramdass, a case manager at the hospital who has been working with Brown to coordinate the donations. Ramdass said the laptops are used for more than e-mail. One soldier who worked with a donated laptop couldn't speak, and was able to communicate with his family and his doctors by typing on the computer. Others who have eye injuries use the laptops to watch movies or television up close. Brown said she can relate with the loneliness and isolation of the wounded because she is also disabled, having suffered knee and back injuries in recent years.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stock Up on Personal Items Buy personal products when they are on sale, using coupons and rebates whenever possible. If you keep personal items well stocked, you can avoid having to buy them at full price. For example, buying men's razors at full price is really expensive if you pay retail for them.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
My sister is a waitress at a hotel. One morning a customer was sitting at the table in the dining area, and said to my sister: "I'd like a cup of coffee, no cream." My sister went to get the coffee, but after 2 minutes came back to ask, "I'm sorry sir, we are out of cream. Would you want your coffee without milk instead?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== John went to his friend's house unannounced, and he wanted to spend the night. His friend was sorry that he could not offer him a whole room, so he said, "You can sleep on the floor in the living room, or you can sleep in the room with Baby." John said that he would prefer the floor. The next morning he went to the bathroom, and there he met a gorgeous young blond. "Hi," he said, "who are you?" "I'm Baby, and who are you?" "I'm stupid," he said. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Russian Air Show http://tinyurl.com/yp25fk
======================================== HTML-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, HTML-Start, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Polar Bear Hoax 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  March 30, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================

"Everyone wants to be appreciated,
so if you appreciate someone, don't keep it a secret."
--- Mary Kay Ash

=======================================

Little Christine ran into the house, crying as though her
heart would break.
"What's wrong, dear?" asked her mother.
"My doll! Bobby broke it!" she sobbed.
"How did he break it, Christine?"
"I hit him over the head with it."

======================================

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Why are Fire Trucks red?
Everyone knows that fire engines have 4 wheels and 8
men.
4 and 8 make12.
There are twelve inches in a foot.
A foot is a ruler.
Queen Elizabeth is a ruler,
Queen Elizabeth is one of the largest ships on the
seas.
Seas have fish and fish have fins.
The Finns fought the Russians and Russians are red...
And fire trucks are always rushin'
Therefore, fire  trucks are red.

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sasha Abney, 20, and her cousin Bryshada Ward, 17, of Terrel, Texas Buncha Phonies! March 22, 2007 - Dallas, Texas - AP Two young cousins who disappeared for four days and claimed to have been kidnapped actually were hiding out because they missed their curfew after a night of partying, family members said. Sasha Abney, 20, and her cousin Bryshada Ward, 17, left their parent's homes in Terrell, east of Dallas, on Friday night, saying they were going to a movie in nearby Mesquite. One of them then made a cell phone call to a friend at 4 a.m. Saturday and screamed, "Please help!" The call was traced to an area of Dallas, prompting a search. But the two didn't resurface until Tuesday night when they showed up roughly 150 miles away at a gas station in Kempner, claiming to have been kidnapped, police said. "We found out this was a hoax," Sasha Abney's father, Richard Abney, said at a news conference Wednesday evening. "They missed their curfew, got in deeper and deeper and decided they were going to drive south. They ran out of money and ran out of gas, and they were afraid to call us. We are apologizing to everyone." Mesquite police Lt. Bill Artesi said the department was closing its case. The behavior was out of character, Richard Abney said, and the cousins would be punished. "As a parent you think the worst," he said. "A lot of people out there were trying to help." He said Ward had even hit her cousin in the head with her shoe to cause a minor injury and lend credibility to their kidnap story. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ---------------- No snow in southern Florida. Must be Global Warming! Quick, loose some weight and stock up on bikinis! =========================================== A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum. "Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jeff Re: Polar bear picture is a hoax Dear Webby, I hate to think you've been victimized by a hoax after all the sage advice you've given out. But I think the polar bear photo is a fake: Most folks know polar bears and penguins live at opposite poles. Jeff Dear Jeff Yes, of course it is a hoax. Polar bears don't get barbecue permits during the fire season at the pole. However, the picture does point out that the whole Global Wimping hysteria by governement grant recipients and the sheep, who believe them, is rather ridiculous. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 23, 2007 - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - AP A 46-year-old man whose body was powered by three separate hearts in the span of a month walked out of the hospital Thursday and said he felt like competing in a triathlon. ''I feel like a million dollars, actually,'' said patient Gary Onufer. ''I feel like a whole new person.'' Accompanied by his wife and hospital staff, Onufer took slow steps out of the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania as a donor heart beat in his thin frame. The organ replaced a temporary ''Total Artificial Heart,'' a mechanical device that doctors said Onufer was the first person to receive in the Northeast. ''I feel like I could do a triathlon right now,'' said Onufer, an insurance agent from Ambler. Onufer was ''deathly ill'' when he arrived at the Penn hospital on Feb. 1, said Dr. Michael Acker, one of his surgeons. Though doctors still aren't sure why, the seemingly healthy and active man was suffering from congestive heart failure and needed a new organ. Most patients in that situation would have a device implanted in their ailing hearts to keep them alive until a donor can be found, health officials said. But doctors thought Onufer's heart, even with artificial help, was too weak to last the two months Acker said is normally needed to find a donor. So they asked Onufer if he wanted to be a pioneer of sorts by undergoing the region's first implant of the Total artificial heart, made by Arizona-based SynCardia Systems. Onufer said yes. ''My choices were very limited,'' he said Thursday. ''I would have slowly died.'' The apparatus, approved by the federal Food and Drug Administration in October 2004, is a modern version of the one invented by Dr. Robert Jarvik and first implanted in a patient 25 years ago. On Feb. 12, doctors removed Onufer's failing heart in a six-hour procedure and replaced it with a Total Artificial Heart. Though it still required Onufer to stay at the hospital, the ''bridge to transplant'' allowed him to exercise and, essentially, heal the damage caused by his old heart while he awaited a donor. ''That's what was very exciting to us,'' said Acker. Because Onufer's artificial heart worked so well, doctors could be more choosy in finding the right match for him, Acker said. It turned out that a suitable organ for Onufer came along 28 days after the artificial heart was implanted. Onufer underwent a transplant March 11. Eleven days later, he was walking out of the hospital, holding a lucky Tin Man charm that had been given to him by a nurse. The character from ''The Wizard of Oz'' also needed a heart.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Appetizer "Toothpick I use broken spaghetti for serving appetizers instead of toothpicks. I break off 2 inch pieces of spaghetti as I need them. They are cheaper and work great. Look for colored spaghetti for a festive look. By Kelly
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement on the web were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor." "Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?" "Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Galapagos pictures http://www.galapagosyachts.com/photos.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Outlook Incompatibility 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  March 29, 2007
======================================

 "You don't get paid for the hour.
You get paid for the value you bring to the hour."
— Jim Rohn

One can survive everything, nowadays, except
death, and live down everything except a good
reputation.
--- Oscar Wilde

=======================================

Trisha is five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly
plump. After she had a minor accident, her sister
accompanied her to the emergency room. The triage
nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted
out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."
While the nurse pondered over this information,
her sister leaned over to her.
"Trisha," she gently chided, "This is not the Internet."

======================================

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A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles
shouting frantically, "Marian, Marian!"
Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her,
"You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you
know."
"I know," said the child, "but the store is full of
mothers."

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Steven Thibodeau, 25 Shampoo Opera March 22, 2007 - Manchester, Connecticut - AP A man landed in hot water after police say he hid a tiny camera in a shampoo bottle to watch two of his female roommates as they took showers. A male roommate, curious why the shampoo wasn't moved for some time, found wires protruding from the back of the bottle, then called police, authorities said. The camera recorded through a pinhole, and the images were sent to Steven Thibodeau's television, police said. Thibodeau, 25, had placed the camera to record the women showering and made video of one of them changing clothes, according to police advertisement Thibodeau was arraigned Wednesday on 15 counts of voyeurism and one count of evidence tampering, which alleges he tried to delete some images. He was being held in jail on $250,000 bail. Police said Thibodeau made a compilation video of one of the women, but they have no evidence he transferred the files to the Internet. It wasn't yet known how long the shampoo had been wired. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Roland and Ruth for this picture: The Real Cause of Global Wimping Roland =========================================== One evening a man was very impressed with the meat entree his wife had served. "What did you marinate this in?" he asked. His wife immediately went into a long explanation about how much she loves him and how life wouldn't be the same without him, etc. Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt her answer with a question of her own, " What did you ask me?" She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!" As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you marry me again?" Without hesitation, she said, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife: " What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Can't get pictures from one sender Dear Webby, I can't see the pictures from one friend's mail, even though I can see them in the mail from other people. She has Outlook and I use Outlook Express, so the mails should be compatible. However, friends with Eudora can't see the pictures either. They get a file named winmail.dat that they can't open. What's the story? Dianne Dear Dianne Forget the delusion that Microsoft products are compatible anywhere except in the advertising. Because Outlook is not quite up to standard, Microsoft tries to fake it by duck-taping on a separate file called winmail.dat with the formatting information. That works fine amongst Outlook users, but ONLY amongst Outlook users. Standard mail programs don't need that tacked on formatting file, and have no use for it. Since it is in a proprietory Microsoft encryption, they don't want to get sued for trying to use it. Outlook users CAN send plain text in standard mode. However, the RTF (Rich Text F...) is strictly for mail amongst other Outlook users. Just tell your friend to either use plain text mode, or use a standard email program when sending pictures from her work computer. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 22, 2007 - London, UK - AP A U.S. Marine helicopter pilot who rescued a wounded British soldier in Iraq has received a rare British honor. Queen Elizabeth II on Wednesday presented the Distinguished Flying Cross to Maj. William Chesarek, 32, of Newport, R.I. Press Association, the British news agency, said Chesarek was believed to be the first American to be honored since World War II. Chesarek was flying a Lynx helicopter for British forces in an exchange program. He braved hostile fire to evacuate a wounded British officer in Al Amara province in June. British Pvt. Michelle Norris, 19, of the Royal Army Medical Corp, received the Military Cross for her action in attending to the wounded officer. She was the first woman to be awarded the Military Cross.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar for Fish Odors After frying fish or something that leaves a lingering odor in the house, put out several bowls with a 1/2 cup white vinegar and leave them overnight. This works well, particularly in the kitchen. The vinegar will absorb the odor. By Pam
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions: "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being -- a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows." To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea! Sure I can help you choose which puppy to buy!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed abnormally long penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's the family thing, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best as she could." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Astrobiology Magazine http://snipurl.com/1e1hu
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Search for the perfect tripod 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  March 28, 2007
======================================

If your only goal is to become rich, you will never achieve it.
— John D. Rockefeller

=======================================

A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they
were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary
to be quiet in church?"

Little Johnny replied, "Because people are sleeping."

======================================

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Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of
the young ladies  realized that she had forgotten to stop
at the pharmacy for her birth control pills.

She rushed into the nearest pharmacy and gave her
prescription to the pharmacist.
"Please fill this immediately," she said. "I've got people
waiting in my car!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a dopey mother in Bromley, Kent, England Here, you watch her for a while! March 22, 2007 - Bromley, Kent, UK - Ananova A mum has been arrested after dumping her baby with a homeless person while she went shopping. The woman put the homeless man in charge of the eight week old girl after spotting him outside a Sainsbury's store and then wandered off with her boyfriend, reports the Daily Mirror. After waiting outside the supermarket for more than an hour, the concerned down-and-out handed the child to shocked store staff - who called police. The pair were arrested at the scene. As officers were interviewing staff, the 35-year-old woman and her 26-year-old partner finally returned looking for the baby. After examining the baby in the office of the supermarket in Bromley, Kent, ambulance staff took the child to hospital for a check-up before putting her in the care of social services. The mum's boyfriend was later released without charge. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Rowing is good exercise! =========================================== Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old buddy Johnny, "How come you aren't married?" Johnny: "I haven't found the right woman yet." George: "So what are you looking for?" Johnny: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, - a good cook and house-keeper, and she's got to know how to handle money, a really nice and pleasant personality is a must - and money, she's got to have money...and a home, a nice big house, is what she has to have." George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU." Johnny: "Oh, it's okay if she is crazy." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills." Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep a lot better at night." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eleanor Re: Tripod Dear Webby, You mentioned last year that you will continue searching for a perfect tripod at an affordable price. I did too, but all I managed is wasting money on garbage. Did you have better results? Eleanor Dear Eleanor Yes, I got a lot closer to the perfect tripod. It's a Velbon CX440. I got mine from Fairview Photo. If you are not in North America, you can check at http://pricegrabber.com for a dealer in your area. You should be able to get one for $30 - $50. It has smooth action and no slop. The pan head (for turning) is not threaded, it has a wide clamp riding on a smooth shaft. The clamp is springloaded and when panning, it feels like it had a fluid damper in it. While that is a huge bonus for shooting movies, personally I prefer zero resistance rotation for fast action shots. But that is definitely easy to get used to, since the rest of the tripod is so smooth and solid. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 22, 2007 - Tarboro, North Carolina - AP Twenty-two years ago, Mahlon Webb Jr. wrote a note, put it in a bottle and tossed it into the ocean at a North Carolina Beach. Five years ago, he got a call from a woman on Grand Cayman Island saying she'd found the bottle. Last week, Webb made the same type of call, this time to an Arkansas school where children sent a balloon aloft with a note attached. Webb, 34, is a golf course superintendent in Tarboro and found the balloon March 12 as he rode around the course checking on its condition. The yellow balloon had a tag showing it was set free by Dana Johnson's class at Wynne Primary School Kindergarten in Wynne, Ark. Webb's fiance, Susan Watson, 29, called Johnson's classroom. Johnson said the class had released balloons for several years but no one had ever called back. The balloon was released Jan. 31 as students celebrated the 100th day of the school year. ''It was right cool to call the kids,'' said Webb. ''It is amazing the balloon made the trip.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Aromatherapy For The Home To make your whole house smell wonderful (and warm), put a few whole cloves in a water kettle on the wood stove or in a small potpourri pot. Add more water every few days. This is much better and cheaper than expensive oils and the humidity will make the house feel warmer too. By Connie
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the instructor. "P-u-t-t is correct," he replied. "Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means a vain attempt to do the same thing. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Ellen for this story: Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey, he's not THAT sick!" ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: What is cleaned by CrapCleaner? 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  March 27, 2007
======================================

Plenty of people miss their share of happiness,
not because they never found it,
but because they didn't stop to enjoy it.
--- William Feather

=======================================

At the local gas utility written orders are issued to
change meters when they are old or malfunctioning.  On
the order sheet is a "remarks" section, where the service
representative notes any problems that prevented the job
from being completed.

The most succinct explanation to ever come back was:

"DOG DOES NOT WANT METER TO BE CHANGED."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

           Subject: How The Internet Began.....
(This is not Al Gore's version)

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of
Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot.
And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. She said unto
Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town
with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several
saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums
in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and
they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale
can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable
(UPS)." Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have
her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an
immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at
the top price, without ever moving from his tent.

But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia
did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused
of insider trading. And the young men did take to Dot Com's
trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung.
They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites,
or NERDS for short. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy
at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums
that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker,
one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company
in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work
only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks. Dot did say,
"Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."

And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be
known "eBay" he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are," and
Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO",
said Abraham.

And that is how it all began.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Luka Karlovic, 70, from Zagreb, Croatia Wrong kid March 23, 2007 - Zagreb, Croatia - Ananova A short-sighted Croatian pensioner sparked a police manhunt when he mistakenly picked up another boy instead of his grandson from a kindergarten. Luka Karlovic, 70, arrived at a kindergarten in Zagreb to pick up his five-year-old grandson Petar. But when an employee called for the boy to come and meet his grandfather another Petar stepped forward, and Karlovic drove off with him. The mistake was only realised half an hour later when the missing boy's father turned up at the kindergarten to take him home. Karlovic said: "My eyesight is getting a bit poor now and this was the first time I had seen my grandson for six months. "I thought he looked a bit different, but I just put it down to the fact that kids can change a lot at that age in a short span of time." ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Blizzard approaching yesterday evening. You see how the storm tears through the rather sedate cloud bank sitting at the edge of the Rockies, like it was a high pressure air lance. =========================================== Early in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up. However, from time to time, my Mom mentioned what he had done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'" "It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that I've forgiven and forgotten." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Bob was faced with a difficult decision recently and asked some of his friends what I should do. This is what he got: Beware of Greeks bearing gifts. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. A silent man is a wise one. A man without words is a man without thoughts. Look before you leap. He who hesitates is lost. Many hands make light work. Too many cooks spoil the broth. Actions speak louder than words. The pen is mightier than the sword. Clothes make the man. Don't judge a book by its cover. It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease. The nail that sticks out gets hammered. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Better safe than sorry. Finally he asked me: "Now what do I do?" ==Continued tomorrow== Just kidding I told him that if it didn't kill him, it would make him stronger. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: Crap Cleaner Dear Webby, I recently installed Crap Cleaner and went in to open it. When I clicked on "Run Cleaner" I got the message "This process will permanently delete files from your system". Can you tell me what files will be deleted? I don't want to delete something important. Thank you again in advance for your help. Bonnie Dear Bonnie Hit Analyze first. Then it will show you the stuff that it considers to be crap. When you hit Run, it will delete all the crap that it lists and shows you in the right hand pane, after you have let it analyze the system. Don't worry, it's not going to delete Windows or the keyboard or anything worth keeping. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 24, 2007 - Berlin, Germany - AP With a sniff and a stumble, Berlin Zoo's irresistibly cuddly baby polar bear made his public debut Friday, delighting hundreds of excited children who packed around the pen's railings. ''We want Knut! We want Knut!'' chanted a group of third graders who came to see the zoo's star, dubbed ''cute Knut'' by the German media. Ambling cautiously over the uneven, grassy ground, Knut clambered over a log and sniffed curiously at the legs of his handler, Thomas Doerflein. Born at the zoo on Dec. 5, the cub has already famous through his video podcast and TV series. Star photographer Annie Leibovitz also came to take his portrait for an environmental campaign. Poking his nose into a stream, the 15-week-old cub appeared interested in exploring the pen Friday, but returned frequently to Doerflein, who has raised him by hand since his mother rejected him and his brother shortly after their birth. The other cub later died. The fate of the nearly 19-pound bear stirred a media flap when an animal activist insisted the cub would have been better off dead than raised by humans. The zoo flatly rejected the idea. ''If you see the little bear, you'll see it's stupid to say something like that,'' said Ragnar Kuehne, a zoo curator. The general public will be able to see Knut beginning Saturday, when he is scheduled to make similar, brief appearances with his handler.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preheat Your Oven Always preheat your oven before baking. Oven temperature is very important for successful baking. Purchase an oven thermometer to verify the temperature in your oven is accurate. Tip: If pans are too close together, you won't get proper heat circulation which could cause uneven baking.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
On the Upper West Side of NYC lived an assimilated Jewish man who was now a very militant atheist. But he sent his son Morris to Trinity School because, despite its denominational roots, it's a great school and completely secular. After a month, the boy came home and said casually, "By the way Dad, I learned what Trinity means! It means 'The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.'" The father could barely control his rage. He seized his son by the shoulders and screamed, "Morris, I'm going to tell you something now and I want you never to forget it. Forget the Trinity business. There is only one God... and we don't believe in him!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one in the middle." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Eagle Cam http://wdfw.wa.gov/wildwatch/eaglecam/kent.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Prepping recycle bin 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  March 26, 2007
======================================

The best way to keep children home is to make the home
atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.
--- Dorothy Parker

Imagine what it would be like if TV actually were good.
It would be the end of everything we know.
--- Marvin Minsky

=======================================

Thanks to Dave for this story:
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving.
In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti
sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried
about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch.

She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her
concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again.

That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the
guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as
the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center.
They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology
courses. She started her class by saying,
"Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds,  stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, ?

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there
all by yourself!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stewart Laidlaw, 35, of Dunfermline, Fife, Scotland Smelly Fella March 23, 2007 - Dunfermline, Fife, Scotland - Ananova A drinker has been barred from his local pub for breaking wind. once too often. Stewart Laidlaw, 35, has been shown the door for good by Thirsty Kirsty's in Dunfermline, Fife, for "basking in the glory of his smells", reports The Sun. Landlord John Thow said: "The smell is disgusting and when he drops one he'll shout and wave his arms so everyone can smell it." Shop worker Stewart was said to be "very angry" with the decision but a fellow drinker complained: "He's a smelly guy, and no mistake." ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: You've got to love our older Veterans. This man, 73, wears a protective flap over his ear while Senator Ted Kennedy and Hilary Clinton addresses the Veterans of Foreign Wars Sandie =========================================== Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly! replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Darlene Re: Prepping Recycle Bin Dear Webby, I've come to the guru of programs for some info. Lately when I have used my mailwasher pro, and when the only mail is spam and click on the appropriate things to bounce, delete, etc. I get a small thing telling me that it is "prepping recycle bin" after I click on process mail and then it doesn't go away. I have waited up to 5 mins and it is still "prepping". What is this? Thanks for a great newsletter and the advice Darlene Dear Darlene The answer is here: http://webby.com/info/prepping.html Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 22, 2007 - Vancouver, BC - AP An Iranian refugee who had been living with her two children at Moscow's international airport for nine months was free in Canada on Friday. Zahra Kamalfar, a human rights activist who says she was jailed in Iran for demonstrating against the government, arrived at Vancouver International Airport on Thursday after a flight from Europe. She burst out sobbing, then fainted, after being reunited with her brother, Nader Kamalfar, whom she hadn't seen in nearly 14 years. Kamalfar, 47, and Anna, 17, and Davood, 12, had been living in the transit lounge of the Sheremetyevo International Airport since Russia denied them entry in May, said her Canadian lawyer Negar Azmudeh. Canada agreed last week to accept Kamalfar and her two children after she was granted refugee status by the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grow Plants for Gifts
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The following are apparently actual excuses written by parents and given to teachers: 1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on March. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33. 2. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault. 3. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side. 4. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face. 5. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him. 6. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines. 7. Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday she fell off a tree and misplaced her hip. 8. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. 9. Please excuse Blanche from jim today. She is administrating. 10. George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach. 11. Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout. 12. Please excuse Sara for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. 13. Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals. 14. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah (*crossed out*), diahoah(*crossed out*), dyah(*crossed out*) the shits.. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see the "upturn". "I think you mean the 'intern,' don't you?" asked the nurse on duty. "Yes," said the girl. "I want to have a 'contamination.'" "You mean 'examination,'" the nurse corrected her. "Well I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway." "I'm sure you mean the maternity ward." To which the girl replied: "Upturn, intern; contamination, examination;fraternity, maternity....what's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months and I think I'm stagnant." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Japanese Kites http://tinyurl.com/ys57z9
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Fake Daylight Saving Time 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  March 25, 2007
======================================

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping
reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next
to a tree, something is wrong.
--- George Carlin

I agree. Nowadays I prefer to camp in a 4 star hotel
with high speed Internet, on-line booking and
no waiting list.

=======================================

Abe is a new arrival at a retirement community, and is
passing the morning sunning himself on a bench near the
garden.  Becky is out for her morning constitutional, spies
Abe, and says "Do you mind?"

"Not at all" Abe says, so Becky sits down on the opposite
end of his bench.

"So, you're new here" says Becky.

"Yes" Abe nods.

"So, where are you from?" asks Becky.

"Washington" Abe answers.

"The state or the capitol?" asks Becky.

"The state" replies Abe.

"So how old are you ? asks Becky.

"I'll be 52 in October.". Abe replies

"What did you do in Washington?" asks Becky.

"I was in prison" Abe says.

"Really!" says Becky, "what did you do?"

"My wife was always asking stupid questions, so I chopped
her up and put her down the garbage disposal" he says.

"Sooo," purrs Becky, "you're single?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

When a coworker received a phone call from her daughter,
we heard her exclaim joyfully, "Seven and a half pounds!
I'm so proud!" After she had hung up, I asked, "Boy or girl?"

"Neither," my colleague replied... "Diet."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ryan Henry, 18 of Valparaiso, Indiana Back to the bus! March 17, 2007 - Valparaiso, Indiana - AP A teenager clocked driving at 93 mph in a 45 mph zone told police he had to get home in time to catch the school bus. A judge had sentenced Ryan Henry, 18, to ride the bus to school after an earlier speeding conviction, and Henry said he was rushing home after going to a gas station to buy an energy drink, said Porter County Sheriff's Deputy Roger Bowles, who ticketed Henry. Henry appeared to accelerate after passing a marked squad car, then turned into a driveway and shut off the lights to his 2001 Mustang, Bowles said. Henry was given a ticket for misdemeanor reckless driving and ordered to appear in court April 16. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Sunday morning stretch =========================================== "Information. Can I help you?" "I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please." "One moment, please." Pause. "I'm sorry sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild." "No, no. It isn't a person. It's an organization. It's Theater Guild." "I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild." "Not *Theodore*! *Theater*! The word is *theater*. T-H-E-A-T-E-R!" "That, *sir*, is NOT the way you spell Theodore." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A man says to a friend, "I've got a riddle for you. If there were three crows on a fence post and I shot one, how many would be left?" Without hesitating, the friend says, "Two left." "You don't get the point," the man says. "Listen to the riddle. There were three crows on a fence post. Then I shot one. How many would be left?" "Two left," the friend says again. "No," the man says in a superior tone of voice. "None would be left, because if I shot one then the other two would fly away." "Isn't that what I've been saying?" the friend says. "Two left." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Daylight Saving Time problem Dear Webby, Since the early arrival of day;light saving time my clock will not stay updated. I do not have the pc set to do automatic updates as I want to update only the things I want. I have clicked on the clock time on the taskbar & reset it on the clock setting but it keeps going back to the old time. I have clicked "apply" then ok. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can keep it set to the current time? Thanks for your help on this & other questions. Sharon Dear Sharon Seems your Windows is short a few marbles. As long as you got theIE7 block in place, and don't update the Media Player, all other updates are safe. In the meantime, just change your time zone one zone to the East of you. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos ROME A waltz. A tango. A piece of jazz. But they weren't composed in Vienna, Buenos Aires or New Orleans. Scribbled on diaries, loose pages or even toilet paper, these are the notes left behind by people who lived and died in the prisons and concentration camps of World War II. Italian researchers hope thousands of nearly forgotten works will find new life as they assemble a library of music composed or played in those dark places between 1933 and 1945. ''We are trying to right a great wrong: These musicians were hoping for a musical life for themselves, and they would have had it if their destiny had been different,'' said Italian musician Francesco Lotoro. He has been collecting originals, copies and recordings of everything from operas composed in the depth of the Nazi death camps to jazz pieces written in Japanese POW camps in Asian jungles. The library, set to open in September at Rome's Third University, will offer scholars a repertoire of 4,000 papers and 13,000 microfiches including music sheets, letters, drawings and photos. For more than 15 years, working largely alone, Lotoro has been crisscrossing the globe, usually at his own expense, hunting down musical works from museums, archives and antique shops, as well as from survivors or their families. Lotoro, a pianist, is also rearranging and recording many of the pieces to produce a collection of 32 CDs, five of which have already been published. Musicians and singers who live in or around his southern Italian town of Barletta, and who share his passion, often spend their Sundays working with him in the recording studio.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grow Plants for Gifts I take cuttings of my indoor and outdoor plants and begin new ones in saved plastic planters. These are my "give away" plants. Last week alone, I saved money by being able to use them as "thank you" gifts. Wrap them up in some cellophane with ribbons and they look store bought. By Kathy Be careful that you don't get carried away with that! That is what my father started to do after he retired. Now have a look at his site at http://dawna.com Most recent page is at the top in the menu on the left. He specialized on cacti, because they only need watering 2 - 3 times a year and multiply nicely as long as they are not pampered. Now he has over 5000 plants and no time to label the pictures! By the way, forget the cellophane and storebought look, unless you want to get the message across, that you forgot about it and just quickly picked something up at the store on the way. A plant that you grew has a lot more value. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A political pollster knocked on the door and a sour-faced lady answered. "What party does your husband belong to?" he asked. The lady responded curtly, "I sir, am the party he belongs to." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== We took a friend to dinner at a restaurant that offered free refills of nonalcoholic drinks. Before the main course arrived, she kept the waitress scurrying for refills. When our friend asked for yet another, the waitress raised an eyebrow and asked, "What did you have for lunch, a sponge?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Tropical Fruits http://www.proscitech.com.au/trop/link.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby: Ubuntu 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  March 24, 2007
======================================

All speaking is public speaking whether it’s to one person
or a thousand.
— Roger Love

In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte

=======================================

Bloopers Taken from Real Church Bulletins

**The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of
the congregation would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

**Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday
at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

** The pastor will preach his farewell message, after
which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

**Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
church and community.

**The eighth graders will be presenting
Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at
7 p.m.  The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.

**Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and
medication to follow.

**A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
the church hall. Music will follow.

**At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our
choir practice.

**Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First
Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at
the side entrance.

**Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due
to the addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

It was the first day of third grade in a new town for
Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and
asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did
very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few
mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however,
did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100
without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran
home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad
nodded and told him, "That's because you're from
'Bama, son."

The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the
students to recite the alphabet. It's third grade, so
most could make it half way through without much
trouble. Some made it to "S" or "T," but Johnny rattled
off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That
evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his
prowess in his new school. His Dad knowingly explained
to him, "That's because you are from 'Bama, son."

The next day, after Phys Ed, the boys were taking
showers. Johnny noticed that compared to the other boys
in his grade, he seemed overly "endowed." This confused
him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, the other boys
all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger
than theirs. Is that because I'm from 'Bama?" he
asked.

"No, son," explained his Dad, "That's because
you're 18."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Utah tax Commission Winey Whiners March 17, 2007 - Salt Lake City, Utah - AP Merlot can be a variety of grape or a type of red wine, but not an acceptable personalized license plate in the state of Utah. Glenn Eurick's 1996 Mercedes has had the license plate reading "merlot" for 10 years. He says the plate never got a lot of notice until the Utah Tax Commission told him last week that he had to remove it because the state doesn't allow words of intoxicants to be used on vanity plates. Six or seven-letter words like liquor or whiskey probably wouldn't make it through the state screening process before the plates are issued. But merlot did and Eurick was fine until an anonymous caller told the state that merlot was amongst other things also a name for an alcoholic beverage. Eurick's car with the offending plate is dark red, like the wine. He said few people who asked about the plate made the connection. Though one man did ask "if we chose merlot because there were too many letters in cabernet sauvignon," Eurick said. Eurick said he will challenge the state's decision. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== =========================================== Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his first mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on. However, the captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the captain, their leader, for his usual command. The captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at the local grocery store. The manager doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. The boys say he is two bricks short of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes the boys offer Junior his choice between a nickel and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger. One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, the store manager got him off to one side and said, "Junior, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" Junior said, "No sir, you see, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it and giving me free nickels!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Donovan Re: Ubuntu Dear Webby, I'm thrilled with Vista. It's driving people crazy enough, not just to turn them off of Vista, but to leave them with a bad taste for Microsoft in general. It's been a great shot-in-the-arm for Linux. I appreciate you mentioning it by-the-way. If anyone's interested, the most user-friendly distro for my money is still Ubuntu at www.ubuntulinux.org. Anyone who's interested in trying it out is welcome to e-mail me and I'll give them instructions. Thanks, Donovan Dear Donovan I agree that anybody who tried Vista while hoping for performance, versatility and compatibility, was quickly disgusted and chased over to the Linux camp. I am not a Microsoft basher, but I think that Vista belongs on the same shelf as where DOS 4 wound up. I loved DOS 3.3, and I loved DOS 5, but DOS 4 was one to skip. Most likely Microsoft has realized by now that the silent majority is skipping Vista, and that the noisy power users are driven to Linux. Don't be surprised if there will be an SP4 upgrade for XP, and if the next operating system after Vista is lean and mean and almost as fast as Linux. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 18, 2007 - Louisville, Kentucky - AP A Michigan man who became the nation's third successful hand transplant recipient expects his new right hand to get a workout holding a fishing rod once he returns home. David Savage, an auto-parts plant supervisor from Bay City, Mich., will go home Saturday to continue his painstaking therapy following his 15-hour surgery Nov. 29 at the hospital in Louisville. The nation's first two hand transplant recipients underwent surgery at the same hospital. Savage said Friday that his new hand is getting stronger and more flexible. ''I'm getting more movement out of the fingers and thumb,'' he said in an interview. ''Sensation is starting to come back. I'm feeling a lot of things that I didn't feel at first.'' Savage, 54, said he feels a tingling sensation in his right palm and sometimes gets ''little shooting pains into the fingertips.'' He said he can feel cold sensation with the hand but still doesn't feel anything hot. He lost his right hand in a machine press accident more than 30 years ago. After his accident, Savage used a prosthetic device. Savage, who wears a brace on the new hand, said he expects to return to work in about a month, and looks forward to using it for ''basic, everyday life stuff.'' ''I can't wait to get out fishing and use two hands,'' he said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grow Plants for Gifts I take cuttings of my indoor and outdoor plants and begin new ones in saved plastic planters. These are my "give away" plants. Last week alone, I saved money by being able to use them as "thank you" gifts. Wrap them up in some cellophane with ribbons and they look store bought. By Kathy
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Bush and Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?" The barman says "Yep, thats them." So the guy walks over and says, "Hello, what are you guys doing?" Bush answers, "We're planning World War III." The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?" Then Powell replies, "Well, we're going to kill 22 million Iranians this time and one big busted bicycle repair lady in Seattle." And the guy exclaimed, "A bicycle repair lady?!!!" So Powell turns to Bush and says, " See, I told you no-one would worry about the 22 million Iranians!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. I don't care what I say, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo." The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket. After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?" "That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard the guy whom I chucked out into the rain in Buffalo!" ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Why not Vista? 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  March 23, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!
======================================

Stop complaining about what you're not getting,
and start creating what you want."
--- Dr. Phil McGraw

=======================================

Thanks to Dave for this confession:
The first prayer I ever learned was
"God is great, God is good,
let us thank him for this food".

Unfortunately, I had also just learned the patty-cake poem.
Picture it! A quiet Sunday dinner -- The family asks the
youngest child to say grace.
He is nervous -- but manages to pray:
"God is great, God is good,
roll him roll him, throw him in the pan".
Oops!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A neighbor who is always borrowing tools approaches the
house next door one Saturday morning.

"He won't get away with it this time," the homeowner tells
wife. "Watch this," he says, as he opens the door to greet
the neighbor.

"Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power saw this morning?"
the neighbor asks.

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry," the man says, with a smug look,
"but the fact of the matter is, I'll be using it all day."

"In that case," says the neighbor, "you won't be using your
golf clubs. Mind if I borrow them?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Bonnie, 36, of Costa Mesa, California Nap Attack ? March 13, 2007 - Costa Mesa, California - AP A Laguna Niguel man allegedly broke into a woman's home and fell asleep on her couch naked, according to police. The woman called authorities early Saturday morning after waking up to find Michael Bonnie, 36, on her couch covered by a blanket, Costa Mesa Police Sgt. Matt Grimmold said. The two did not appear to know each other, Grimmold said. Police arrested Bonnie on suspicion of residential burglary and indecent exposure. He is being held on $250,000 bail. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Roland for sending this picture: A man does need a woman sometimes!! Roland Roland, you better not let Ruth see your comment, or you might be in big trouble! =========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this story: Consider the case of Frederick II, an 18th-century king of Prussia. Frederick fancied himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he was. On one occasion, he is supposed to have interested himself in the conditions of a Berlin prison. He was escorted through it so that he might speak to the prisoners. One after the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him, bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter innocence of all charges that had been brought against them. Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's curiosity was aroused. "You," he called. "You, there!" The prisoner looked up. "Yes, Your Majesty?" "Why are you here?" "Armed robbery, Your Majesty." "And are you guilty?" "Entirely guilty, Your Majesty. I richly deserve my punishment." At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and said, "Warden, release this guilty wretch at once. I will not have him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the splendid innocent people who occupy it." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter. The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?" "I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied. "What's so funny about that?" "I'm a gynecologist." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eleanor Re: Why not Vista? Dear Webby, Why are you so set against Vista? We use it at work, factory pre-installed on new machines. It's a bit slower, actually quite a bit slower, but we get paid by the hour. We still get about the same amount of work done because games and music, and most things that are not strictly work, don't work on Vista anyway. When you look at it from a strictly work point of view, it is supposedly safer and more secure, because the hackers and virus writers haven't figured it out yet. Eleanor Dear Eleanor Windows XP has been patched so many times that it looks like a duck taped mummy, and is actually quite secure. It will take years for Vista to get patched up to the same level. Many of us are hoping that long before then Microsoft will come out with a lean and mean and fast successor to Vista. If they don't, more and more people are migrating to Linux. Aside from being slow, Vista is not ready for the general public. A lot of the drivers for printers, scanners, cameras, video cards, sound cards, games, etc are not included or in many cases have not even been written yet. For example, if you were an accountant and used a dual monitor video card and two monitors, Vista could not handle the second monitor. The same goes for the better sound cards, a lot of printers and most scanners, that are over a year old. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 18, 2007 - Commerce City, Colorado - AP After an absence of more than a century, wild bison were returned to Colorado's Front Range on Saturday in full view of Denver's skyline. Sixteen buffalo from the National Bison Range in northwestern Montana were released in an enclosed 1,400-acre section of a wildlife refuge that formerly was the Rocky Mountain Arsenal, where once nerve gas and other chemical weapons were manufactured. ''The release went very smoothly. We would say this was a tremendous success,'' said Matt Kales, spokesman for the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. He said the animals were released in an area that had never been used for the manufacture of weapons. The 17,000-acre arsenal is being cleaned up and transformed from a chemical weapons and pesticide manufacturing center into the Rocky Mountain Arsenal National wildlife Refuge. The refuge, about 10 miles from downtown Denver, already is home to deer, bald eagles and hundreds of other species. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, which manages the parts of the arsenal that have been cleaned up, said bison were once a key part of the area's short-grass prairie ecosystem. ''The short grass left by grazing bison is ideal habitat for prairie dog colonies, which in turn provide habitat and prey for rare species such as burrowing owls, hawks and swift foxes,'' said Jonathan Proctor of Defenders of Wildlife. ''Bison also add nutrients to the soil and create wallows which can attract several types of birds.'' Kales said Fish and Wildlife officials don't believe the bison will try to get out of their enclosure, but employees will have tranquilizer guns and escape plans ready as a precaution. ========================================== Happy Birthday, Empress! Thanks for another year of Outlook Express Help! DearWebby Go to http://champs.posty.com and use one of the Champions' postcards to send the Empress a birthday wish!
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Ahead A lot of time cooking is spent waiting around for one thing or another to get done. Water needs to boil or the oven needs to heat up. Start working on tomorrow's meal with this time. Freeze or refrigerate prepped ingredients. You will appreciate the head start.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "uh oh." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A man went on a ski trip, and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover his injury. "Why is the injury not covered?" he asked. "You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot, and we consider that a pre-existing condition." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Music Map http://www.music-map.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Vista or not 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  March 22, 2007
======================================

Communication works for those who work at it."
— John Powell

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:
The IRS decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to the IRS office. The
IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no
Full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money
gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a
Demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can
bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost
three grand,

With Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks.
"I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side
of your desk, pee into that wastebasket on the other side,
and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks
carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage
that stunt, so he agrees again.

Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but
although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach
the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates
all over the desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned
a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans
and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney.  "This morning, when Ralph
told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty
thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all
over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."

======================================

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

An old woman came into her doctor's office and
confessed to an embarrassing problem.

"I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're
soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since
I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty
times. What can I do?"

"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these
pills three times a day for seven days and come
back and see me in a week."

Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into
Dr. Johnson's office.

"Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills,
but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as
much, but now they smell terrible! What do
you have to say for yourself?"

"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor
soothingly. "Now that we've fixed
your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Thomas Lee Reagan, 45, in Hudson, Hudson, New Hampshire Poor manners March 13, 2007 - Hudson, New Hampshire - IBS An order of double cheeseburgers turned into an unhappy meal over the weekend at a Hudson McDonald's restaurant. Hudson police said Thomas Lee Reagan, 45, complained about the quality of the two double cheeseburgers he ordered at about 8 p.m. Saturday at the McDonald's on Derry Road. "Apparently Mr. Reagan was served a hamburger that was not up to his standards. After he complained to the manager regarding the quality of the food, (the restaurant) refunded his money and, apparently, he wasn't happy with that," said Sgt. Donna Briggs of the Hudson Police Department. According to court records, Reagan complained about his food being greasy and was refunded $2.16 but Reagan began yelling obscenities, forcing several patrons with young children to leave. "After initially confronting the store manager, Reagan went behind the counter apparently to engage the cook in some verbal confrontation," Briggs said. When police arrived, they felt that Reagan was intoxicated and tried to get him to leave the McDonald's property, officials said. "He became belligerent; threw his food on the ground," said Capt. Don Breault of the Hudson Police Department. "The officers wound up charging him with disorderly conduct and resisting arrest, at which time, he got in a fight with the officers; threw a punch at one of the officers. They went to the ground, and a second officer at the scene actually used a Taser gun on Reagan." Both police officers suffered minor injuries. Reagan had a cut on his head that needed nine stitches to close. Reagan was charged with criminal trespassing and three counts of simple assault. He was released on $1,000 personal recognizance bail. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to my Trevor for sending this picture: Irish Gentleman =========================================== A professor was giving a lecture on company slogans in a college advertising and marketing class. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly the friendly skies'?" "United." Joe answered. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company uses the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And John answered, "Mom." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A reporter from New York was visiting an old colleague who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town. I don't see how you do it," the NY reporter said. "How can you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town knows what everybody else is doing?" Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper to see who got caught at it." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: Dear Webby, Are you getting complaints about the new Vista? I went from Win. 98, second..........to a new HP running Vista, I am not really that knowledgeable about computers and I am pulling my hair out. "They" said it was "so user friendly that a child could run it! " They" lied! For starters, I can not use my scanner, or camera......I cannot use any of the programs that I have used, such as Microsoft's 'Picture It' ..... Webroot spy sweeper and so on and so on. Can you direct me to a good tutorial on Vista, if one exists? Perhaps it's just me........."Old dogs and new tricks" etc. but I am so un-happy with this system. Help..................please! Joanne Dear Joanne Yes, all comments re Vita I got so far are unfavorable. That is exactly why I mentioned a number of times, that you should stay with XP and skip Vista. It's not a matter of old dogs, it's a matter of a half baked operating system. There is no point in lowering your standards and learning to live with the shortcomings of Vista. You will just get more frustrated every day. Check with HP if you can trade the machine for an XP machine. If you can't, write it off as a learning experience. Buy Windows XP, format the drive (after backing up the data that you want to keep), and install Windows XP. You might be able to flog your Vista CD on ebay, but there is less and less demand for it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 18, 2007 - Superior, Wisconsin - AP Jeff Rolson is just relieved he didn't get sent to the principal's office. The 40-something Rolson last week dropped by Superior Senior High School, where he graduated in 1977, to get a copy of his transcript for a plumbing apprenticeship. That's when he found out he had two outstanding debts $7.95 for a missing algebra book and $5 for an unpaid physical education fee. A secretary told him he had to pay up before he could get his transcript. "I told her, 'Do you realize this was 30 years ago?'" he said. Rolson says he doesn't understand why the school didn't contact him earlier. After all, he still lives in Superior and his daughter attends the school. "Nobody contacted me, so I ended up paying the $13 to get my transcript," he said. State law prevents a school district from withholding documents such as transcripts and diplomas, said district superintendent Jay Mitchell. But it's not uncommon for districts to try to collect unpaid fees and fines before providing documents, he said. Rolson caught one break, though. "She did forget the $2 fee for the transcript," he said. He's also grateful the school didn't charge him interest. "It was 13 bucks. If they had charged me interest all these years compounded for 30 years I don't know what the bill might have been," he said. Maybe he didn't have the algebra book after all.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crystal That Repels Dust First, wash crystal items and dry them immediately, making sure that the item is spotless. Using 1/2 of a dryer softener sheet, gently rub on the crystal. This will leave a dull residue on it. Use a soft cloth to buff the crystal to remove the residue. The crystal should gleam and repel dust.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over to the girl and made a disparaging remark about the men who had been chatting her up. She laughed gaily, "When I don't want a man's attentions," she confided, "and he asks where I live, I just say, 'I'm visiting here'." "Ha-ha," he laughed, relishing her humor. "Where do you really live?" "I'm just visiting here." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== "Doctor!" whined the patient. "I keep seeing spots before my eyes." The physician scratched his head, "Why have you come to me? Have you seen an opthalmologist?" "No," replied the patient, "just spots." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Games for the brain http://www.gamesforthebrain.com/all/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Spreadsheet or Monitor? 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  March 21, 2007
Happy First Day of Spring!
======================================

One needs something to believe in,
something for which one can have wholehearted enthusiasm.
--- Hannah Senesh

A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is
one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conver-
sationalist is one who talks to you about yourself.
--- Lisa Kirk

Programming today is a race between software engineers
striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs,
and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.
So far, the Universe is winning.
--- Rich Cook

=======================================

We were listening to a lecture on psychic phenomena in our
Comparative Religions course. Our instructor told us about a
woman who contacted police working on a missing-persons
case. "She gave eerily detailed instructions on where to
find the body," the teacher said.

"In fact, the detectives did find the body just as she had
described. Now what would you call that kind of person?"

While the rest of us pondered the question, a sheriff's
officer taking the course raised his hand and replied,
"A suspect."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Rubye for this story:

A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, goes to a sex
therapist's office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"

The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that
such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that
he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says,
"There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have
intercourse."

He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck,
charges them $50, and says good-bye.

The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the
sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit
puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes
an appointment, they have intercourse with no problems,
pay the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says,
"I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to
find out?"

The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything.
She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married
and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98.
The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get
$43 back from Medicare.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dennis Riker, 41, of Hillside, NJ Dumb place to stash drugs! March 17, 2007 - Hillside, New Jersey - AP Police here say a man charged with drug possession had an unusual place to store his stash: his 6-year-old daughter's jacket pocket. Dennis Riker, 41, raised suspicions Monday morning when he stopped by his daughter's school in Hillside, saying he had left his keys in her jacket. But the staff at the A.P. Morris School would not let him in because Riker was not the girl's legal guardian. That role belonged to the girl's grandmother. Police said Riker, unbeknownst to the school, called the woman to ask her to come to the school. Meanwhile, school officials called her, too, but believed someone else answered and impersonated the woman. And then, the actual grandmother arrived, saying she wanted the girl's jacket. It was all so strange that principal Tracey Wolff called police to the school. An officer checked the coat and found 25 vials of cocaine and a half-ounce rock of crack in the pocket inside. Riker was charged with drug possession with intent to distribute and possessing drugs within 1,000 feet of a school. He was being held in municipal jail on $40,000 bail. The grandmother said her son duped her into asking for the jacket. And the 6-year-old? Authorities said she had no idea what was in her pocket. "It's unconscionable that an adult would knowingly put drugs in a child's coat pocket," Police Chief Robert Quinlan told The Star-Ledger of Newark for Tuesday's newspapers. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to my dad for sending these pictures: Star Magnolia, March 18/07 Former Star Magnolia, March 20/07 So much for Global Warming! =========================================== His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics absolutely guaranteed to make her looks years longer. She sat in front of the mirror for what had to be hours applying the "miracle" products. Finally, when she was done, she turned to her husband and said, "Hon, honestly now, what age would you say I am?" He nodded his head in assessment, and carefully said, "Well, hon, judging from your skin, twenty. Your hair, mmmm, eighteen. Your figure, twenty-five." "Oh, you're so sweet!" "Well, hang on, I'm not done adding it up yet." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the wife went on the ride by herself. The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and landed in a heap at her husband's feet. "Are you hurt?" he asked. "Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave once!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: George Re: Spreadsheet / Monitor Dear Webby: I recently bought a new flat panel monitor by ACER. And since then sometime my MSWorks spreadsheets are black when I open them! The font is black or Auto. so I can't see anything unless I have changed the font color. When I exit Works and re-open the spreadsheet it reverts to the default! Is there anything I can do to get it right the first time? And not need to exit & re-open? Thanks - Geo Dear George Keep in mind that MS-WORKS is a replacement for the old Tandy Deskmate, and is just as old and limited. The problem obviously is not in the hardware, since you are not changing the hardware, you are just closing and opening a spreadsheet. Go to ebay and look for an older Corell Office 9, 10, 11 or 12. You can get them usually for around $10 - $15. Then you have the equivalent of Microsoft Office at 1/50 of the cost, and software that can cope with modern hardware. The included spreadsheet, Quattro, is many thousands of times better than the spreadsheet in Deskmate or MS-Works. That should solve your problem instantly. Quattro can even read Excel files and even produce Excel files, not just Quattro files. That makes your spreadsheets compatible with everybody else's and you are no longer painted into a corner. Corell Office also includes the full WordPerfect and about a dozen other programs like calendars, etc. Even version 8 is excellent, and I doubt you would be able to tell the difference between 9 and 12. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 14, 2007 - Murfreesboro, Arkansas - AP Dr. Hiram Ward, 81, who began his practice in the rural Arkansas county five years before Pike County Memorial Hospital was built in 1958, became the hospital's only medical staff member in January. Ward provided doctor's care to patients at the 32-bed hospital by himself until last week when Dr. Tommy Gray, who lives 148 miles away at Conway, heard about the hospital's plight and began helping out temporarily, says hospital administrator Rosemary Fritts. ''I volunteered to come out of retirement,'' Ward says. ''Nobody asked me to. I came back so that our hospital would stay open.'' The hospital employs 55 people and is the second-largest employer in Murfreesboro behind the school district. With the hospital struggling financially, county voters in December approved a three-eighths-cent sales tax to boost its revenues. Although the hospital's patient referral list has declined with patients referred to larger hospitals in Hot Springs, Nashville and Texarkana, Ward says there is no substitute for the kind of care people get at the hospital in Murfreesboro. ''We have a coronary care unit and we do stabilize people who have heart attacks and send them off to get bypasses and stents put in,'' Ward says. ''Quite a few of them would lose their life if the hospital wasn't here.'' He says some physicians in the new generation don't know patients. ''They don't know how to correlate the problem with the patient's environment and their family setting,'' Ward says. ''The family setting means a lot: what kind of job you're doing and the situation you are in. Whether you are getting along with your wife or not. ''We've known these people forever. It's like taking care of them at home,'' he says. ''It's important to people and you feel much more secure. A big part of getting better is the faith you have in the doctor.'' Ward plans to retire — again — as soon as the hospital signs contracts with two physicians to work there. Hospital officials say Pike County Memorial will continue to have physician coverage 24 hours a day, seven days a week as they actively recruit physicians to the area.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Haircuts My husband has very short hair and only needs a hair cut about every two months. I bought a pair of clippers for $20.00 and now I do the trimming. One trim paid for the clippers. He now goes in about every second cut, just to get things straightened out. By Beckie
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
My wife and I were dining out at a nice restaurant. I overheard the couple at the next table discussing their bill. "Well Mary," said the man, "Near as I can figure, based of the price of the ham dinner you just ate, we got a hog back on the farm that's worth at least $137,000." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "I have decided to plant some vegetables in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter, "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where the dope dealer next door buries all his dope and money. He might get upset!" A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "You won't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the vegetables." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Games for the brain http://www.gamesforthebrain.com/all/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Reverse PIN 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  March 20, 2007
======================================

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability
to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable
for their apparent disinclination to do so.
--- Douglas Adams

When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their
watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it
and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped.
--- Marcel Achard

=======================================

A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies. On the
sixth hole he proceeds to splash five balls in a row into the
water.

Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, and about ready to
hit somebody, he heaves his golf clubs into the water, and
begins to walk off the course.

Then all of a sudden he turns around and jumps back in the
lake, his buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve
his clubs.

When he comes out of the water he doesn't have his clubs and
begins to walk off the course.

One of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?"

He responds, "I left my car keys in the bag."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Two women go out one weekend without their husbands.
As they came back, right before dawn, both of them drunk,
they felt the urge to pee. They noticed the only place to stop
was a cemetery. Scared and drunk,they stopped and decided
to go there anyway.

The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so
she took off her panties and used them to clean herself and
discarded them. The second not finding anything either, thought
"I'm not getting rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a
flower wreath to clean herself.

The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other
on the phone, and one says to the other: "We have to be on the
look-out, it seems that these two were up to no Good last night,
my wife came home without her panties...".

The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a
card stuck to her ass that read,
"We will never forget you!
The Volunteer Fire Department"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 45 year old woman in Napier, New Zealand Officer, I need some jail time, or at least some education! March 9, 2007 - Wellington, New Zealand - AP A middle-aged New Zealand woman rang police to report a theft of cannabis plants she had been growing in buckets at her North Island home, local media reported Saturday. The crying woman told a constable at the police station in the city of Napier the plant theft was the fourth from her property in four years. The woman, 45, lamented someone had again sneaked on to her property at night to steal her three carefully nurtured marijuana plants. "I am a good person. I am sick of these low-life's stealing my things," the woman told a police communications officer. Senior Sergeant Mal Lochrie told local media late Friday the officer found it hard not to laugh as the women gave details of the theft over the phone. --------------- She seems dopey enough without her dope. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: This Heron was patiently mooching at the parking lot side loading dock entrace to a restaurant kitchen where we WITW-IB stopped for lunch on our Sunday ride. Sandie =========================================== Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, waiting for you to come home," she said. "What an example of devotion," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answered, caressing her marble rolling pin, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Seven year old Johnny had finished his vacation and gone back to school. Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that John was misbehaving. "Wait a minute," she said. "I had Johnny here for two months and I never called you once when he misbehaved." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: BundlePuppy: Re: Reversed PIN Dear Webby: I received this fwd from a friend of mine and was wondering if this information is true or just another Internet scam? Dear BundlePuppy It's not a scam, since nobody profits from it, but it's not true. While the Reverse PIN has worked fine for three decades on burglar alarm and door access systems, the banks are fighting the Reverse PIN tooth and nail and with heavy lobbying at the state and federal level. What is really hypocritical, is that most banks use the Reverse PIN trick on their door access systems, but spend big money lobbying against it's use at the ATM level. Since the ATMs already have a modem and already are connected, and often also have a separate connection for a security alarm, it would just be a matter of a few lines of code in the bank side programming. Instead they use lame excuses such as that there might some day be a victim who gets confused during the stress of a hold-up and might not be able to reverse the number. It's tough luck for the Billions who would have no problem punching in the PIN in reverse order, just like they got it written on the back page of their checkbook. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 14, 2007 - Lamont, California - AP On a sunny day when her fellow college students were grabbing beach towels and beer, Nathalie Sanchez was knocking on the doors of farmworkers left jobless after a freeze killed much of the state's citrus crop. It's not the first spring break she's spent doing service work instead of shots. Sanchez was among 10 students from Loyola Marymount University who spent a week this month with San Joaguin Valley farmworkers, learning about the history of the rural labor movement and organizing a food and clothing drive for out-of-work field hands. The program — a partnership between Loyola Marymount and the Dolores Huerta Foundation, a Bakersfield-based nonprofit named for the co-founder of the United Farm Workers union — is among a growing number of ''alternative'' spring breaks in which students skip the boozy revelry in favor of volunteer work. In the past, Sanchez traveled to the Dominican Republic for a fair trade coffee effort and to Guatemala to help with community development in a Mayan village. This year, the senior art major from Cudahy stayed closer to home. Lamont, the farming community she visited, is about 110 miles north of her school's Los Angeles campus. ''We understand there are issues that affect communities that are in our own country, and here, in our own state,'' Sanchez said. In this city of about 13,000, the everyday concerns include pesticide drift and organizing to fight for better wages. But these days the main topic of conversation is the cold snap, which somehow does not seem to fit with the fashionable Global Warming hysteria. Several days of subfreezing temperatures in January ruined more than $1 billion worth of citrus and other crops, according to the state, the most devastating blow to the industry in more than a decade. As many as 28,000 laborers lost their jobs. Sanchez and the other students sorted donated clothes and filled boxes with bread and canned food for farmworkers. They went door to door assessing needs and telling workers about the food and clothing giveaway.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save on Fabric Softener I mix 4-5 caps full of liquid softener in a gallon of water. I keep a few small sponges in the bucket, wring one out and toss it in the dryer. This works great and saves on dryer sheets. When you take the clothes out of the dryer, put the sponge back in the bucket. By Shellie
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 78." The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 78. How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." The man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that a little girl does something wrong and makes her mommy cry or makes her unhappy, one of her hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and said: "You muft have really piffed off Grandma." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Art of Inga Nielse http://tinyurl.com/23mr5t
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Lost cursor 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  March 19, 2007
======================================

"Happiness does not depend on outward things,
but on the way we see them."
--- Leo Tolstoy

All the President is, is a glorified public relations man who
spends his time flattering, kissing and kicking people to
get them to do what they are supposed to do anyway.
--- Harry S Truman

=======================================

The number of divorces in this country proves that this
is the land of the free.
The number of marriages proves that it is truly the
home of the brave.

======================================

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

There's a fellow who is an avid golfer. Actually he's a golf
fanatic. Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time. He
gets up very early and golf's all day long.

Well, this one Saturday morning, he gets up early, dresses
quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet, and goes out to his
car to drive to the course. It is raining a torrential downpour.
There is snow mixed with the rain and the wind is blowing
50 mph.

He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather
channel. From there he finds that it's supposed to be bad
weather all day long. So he puts his clubs back into the closet,
quietly undresses and slips back into bed where he cuddles
up to his wife's back, and whispers, "The weather out there
is terrible."

She replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out there
golfing?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the town council in Blackpool, England Not our sand March 8, 2007 - Blackpool, Lancashire, UK - Ananova A Blackpool pensioner has been threatened with legal action if he puts sand which blew into his garden back on the beach. Council officials threatened to prosecute Arthur Bulmer, 79, who lives opposite the beach in St Anne's, Lancs, for fly-tipping. And if found guilty he could be fined £50,000 or even go to jail, reports the Mirror. Storms left gardens, roads and footpaths in St Anne's covered in tons of sand up to 20ft deep. Mr Bulmer said: "I think it's crazy. I am sure my sand is cleaner than the stuff on the beach because that gets covered in dog muck. The sand is not my property. It has just invaded my garden from over the road." The civic-minded pensioner said he was just trying to do what is right for the environment and save the council a job. He added: "Now I will have to use a specialist waste disposal firm and that will cost £500." Fylde borough council said: "The council has no responsibility to clear sand from private land, the owner must do this. However, dumping anything from your garden on to the beach constitutes fly-tipping." ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: =========================================== Thoughts from a cowboy . . . "Nobody but cattle know why they stampede and they ain't talking." "Sure you can trust the government. Ask any Indian." "Always drink upstream from the herd." "Never drop your Winchester to hug a grizzly." "If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, best take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there." "If you can't squat with your spurs on, you ain't a real cowboy." "Learn to speak kind words - nobody resents them." "The wild horse can see, hear, and smell a man farther than any other animal . . . except a woman." "Careful is a naked man climbing a barbed wire fence." "Always ride the horse in the direction it's going." "A man is not born a cowboy . . . he becomes one." "Some people grin and bear it. Other people smile and change it." "An old timer is a man who's had a lot of interesting experiences . . . some of them true." "Every cowboy thinks he knows more than every other cowboy. But the only thing they all know for sure is, when's payday and where's grub." "Civilization has taught us to eat with a fork, but even now, if nobody is around, we use our fingers." "Here's all you need to know about cows: They're not smart, they're bigger than you are, and some of them have absolutely no respect for human beings." "Objects in mirrors are dumber than they appear." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A Deocrat is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elaine Re: Hard to see cursor Dear Webby, the only reason my dad has not fired his new laptop out the window is because he has just replaced all windows and know how expensive they are. His problem is that the cursor jumps to weird places and is hard to find. How can that be fixed? Elaine Dear Elaine Buy him a proper mouse. My favorite is the regular, corded Microsoft 5 button Intellimouse. They are about $12 - $15. Then cut a piece of cardboard and cover up the silly thumb-pad on the laptop. It is intended for emergency use only. You COULD turn it off in the settings, but then he is really are up the creek without a paddle, if the cat chews through the mouse cable, or if he forgets to pack the mouse. Just cut a piece of stiff cardboard or an old credit card to just snap in there and cover the thumb pad. That stops him from sending the curser to inappropriate places every time his thumb accidentally touches it. The final step is to go into Conrol Panel, Mouse Pointer Options, Visibility, and put a checkmark into each of the options, especially the last one: "Show Location of pointer when I press the CTRL key" That briefly shows concentric target rings whenever he hits the CTRL key. Even if the cursor is in a totally unxpected area, that brief flicker of the target rings make it easy to find. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 12, 2007 - Long Aston, Bristol, UK - Ananova Britain's oldest driver is celebrating his 100th birthday with a spin in his Reliant Robin. Norman Yeo never actually passed a test to drive a car, reports the Mirror. He did get his motorbike license in 1952 and has been driving three-wheelers for the past 35 years without an accident or speeding ticket. Norman, of Long Aston, Bristol said: "I started off with an engine on the back of a bicycle. "It's good that they still let me drive. I got something in the post last year saying I've got another three years - so I could still be driving until I'm 102."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Cake Layers After your cake layers have cooled, put them in the freezer for an hour or two before frosting them. This way, they will firm up and won't crack and crumble when you apply the frosting. You can even freeze layers in advance for a big party so you have time for other preparations.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, "Is this a union house?" "No, it isn't." "Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The house gets $80 and the girls get $20." Highly offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop. His search continued for a while, until he finally he reached a brothel where the madame said, "Why yes, this is a union house." "And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?" "The girls get $50 and the house gets $50." "That's more like it!" the man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. "I'd like her for the night." "I'm sure you would, sir," said the madame, as she grabbed his money and let it dissappear. Then, gesturing to a pear shaped, blue haired, elder woman in the corner, "...but Bertha there has seniority!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark." The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you." The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?" "Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said. The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom? ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Irish Castles http://tinyurl.com/25945v
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Power Strip 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  March 18, 2007
======================================

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more,
do more and become more, you are a leader."
--- John Quincy Adams

"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter?
Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some
old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home
winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"
---- Homer Simpson

=======================================

A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the
rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases.

A clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?"

He answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut,
that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish."

Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

FOLLOWING ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM
PAPERS COLLECTED BY VINDICTIVE TEACHERS:

Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats
backwards.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and
caterpillars.

The process of turning steam back into water again is called
conversation.

Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you
are talking about.

A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an
obscene triangle.

For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently
back and forth.

For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down
to make artificial perspiration.

For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it
drops in your throat.

For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a
blanket for shock.

For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the
patient is dead.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is
affirmative or negative.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to British University applicants Starting the copying a bit too early March 9, 2007 - London - Reuters Candidates for British universities have been caught red-handed copying their applications from the Internet after hundreds mentioned "burning a hole in pajamas at age eight" on their online entrance forms. The phrase, taken from a Web site which provides examples of personal statements used by successful candidates, describes an early encounter with a chemistry set. Medical course applications from 370 others contained statements beginning with "a fascination for how the human body works" and 175 included anecdotes which involved "an elderly or infirm grandfather." A study published on Wednesday by UCAS, the Universities and Colleges Admissions Service, found that five percent of the 50,000 personal statements surveyed at random contained "borrowed material," lifted mostly from one free Web site: www.studential.com. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Nita for this picture: Dear Webby, This is a Merlin aka Pigeon Hawk. He came to our fence & looked around for 5 minutes. Love your Humor Letter every day. Thank You Nita =========================================== In October, the Indians asked their Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replied that the winter will be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. A week later, being a good leader, he then went to his computer and emailed the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter going to be cold?" Somebody at the National Weather Service responded, "This winter is indeed going to be very cold." So the Chief went back to encourage his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he emailed the National Weather Service again, and asked again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," they replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief went back to his people and ordered them to go out and bring back every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he emailed the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that this winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," they replied, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!" Well, when the winter turned out to be milder than usual, they called it "Global Warming" and blamed Bush. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to where security temporarily holds suspects. One day security officers were questioning a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room. After a few minutes, the door opened, and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there, and don't come out until you're told!" The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the woman reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one very frightened telephone repairman. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tory Re: Power Strips Dear Webby, The power cord question reminded me of two more... 1) I've been told power strips and/or surge protectors wear out and that one should replace them about as often as one does the computer - every 3 yrs if budget allows (grin). True or not? 2. At work, it used to be the practice to use the on/off switch on surge protectors/power strips to turn off computers. "Back when" we were always told it was a lot cheaper to replace a power strip with worn out switch than it was to repair a worn out on/off button on a computer. Then folks started saying that that was a stupid idea, since "how could a surge protector do it's job if it wasn't turned on?". 3) Do you know whether a computer is still protected if the surge protector is turned off? (At home we don't debate this. Since we have a lot of storms, the practice has been to just unplug anything electronic and expensive.) Thanks from a fan! Tory Dear Tory 1) Cheap surge protected power strips usually have a light or lighted switch. When their suicide transistor has given it's life while protecting your equipment, the light flickers or, with some models, does not light. You can still use it for power tools and lights, but it won't protect delicate equipment from surges any more. 2) The power switch on a computer is $1.29 retail, the power strip is $9.95 Strange math they used there! However, if there were people around, who could not be relied on to turn their machine off, then of course a common power strip or breaker does make sense. In the days of 10" greenie monitors and the IBM DisplayWrite menu permanently burned into the screens from people leaving their machines on all year, I installed quite a few switches and contactors, so that the last one out could axe all the computers on that floor. In those days, that was a valid concern. 3) When the power strip is turned off, then normally only the ground wire is still connected. That makes it perfectly safe. The white wire is grounded at the breaker panel, and only the black wire can bring in any surges or spikes. When that wire is disconncted at the power strip switch, nothing can get to the computer. Keep in mind that with modern computers the ON/OF switch is "soft". Shutting the computer down does not completely turn it off. If you open the side cover, you will see a tiny green dot of light on the motherboard. Any surge or spike can kill the power supply instantly. If the machine is out of warranty, then you are out of luck. Your way of unplugging the computer or turning the power strip off during storms or before going on vacation is most definitely a good idea. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 12, 2007 - Weymouth, Dorset, UK - Ananova A Dorset man surprised his girlfriend by asking her to marry him on the big screen at their local cinema. The audience were settling down to watch a movie in Weymouth when Tom Lane's homemade film appeared after the trailers. His girlfriend Tina Kilford watched as it began with Mr. Lane wearing a dinner jacket and holding up a card reading 'Hi Tina'. The 39-year-old youth worker persuaded bosses at Cineworld to show the movie he spent six weeks making, reports Sky News. Tom and Miss Kilford, 36, had been invited out to celebrate her birthday by her friends, who were in on the act. Staff at the cinema ushered Mr. Lane in to the theatre by the fire doors and hid him from sight until his big moment. The final card was shown on the screen saying "I'm sure you want me to do this in person. I'm right behind you." Hairdresser Miss Kilford turned around to see him getting down on one knee and taking a ring out of his pocket. The audience of around a dozen people burst into applause when she said yes. Mr. Lane said: "I wasn't 100% sure that she would want me to propose in that way but she absolutely loved the fact it was on the big screen. She wasn't expecting it at all.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garage Organization To store little things, such as nails, screws, bolts and washers, place them in plastic-lidded coffee cans or baby food jars. Rather than label them, just tape a representative item to the outside of each can. These can be easily stacked, making organization a snap! By Joe's Girl
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Bill for this: My wife and I are both in an Internet business, but she's the one who truly lives, eat, and breathes computers. I finally realized how bad it had gotten, when I was scratching her back one day. "No, not there," she directed. "Scroll down a bit." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== An Englishman, planning on a visit to Australia, was handed one of those information cards to fill in, in normal Commonwealth style. After the standard questions, like name, nationality, passport number, etc., he got to one that asked, "Have you ever been imprisoned?" After thinking about that for some time, he entered: "I didn't know it was still a requirement." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sandcastle World Championship http://tinyurl.com/g5mgf
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Der Webby: How to fix Error 1720 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  March 17, 2007
======================================

 "Your chances of success in any undertaking can always
be measured by your belief in yourself."
— Robert Collier

=======================================

A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How
do you know what to  say?" he asked.

"God tells me."

"Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?
Do you have to correct God's grammar?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper.

The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed
the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth
as he stepped out of the cab. Figuring the driver was putting
away his pep pills, the patrolman asked
"Did I just see you swallow something?"

"Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver.

"Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman.

"Yep, when I saw your flashing light, I knew I was screwed."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joshua W. O'Neil, 32, of Albany, NY Cops DO go onto the net! March 14, 2007 - Nassau County, New York - Sun Sentinel The advertisement on Craigslist New York said the man would supply cocaine to any female who responded. Well, detectives from the Garden City Police Department were no doubt stunned when they found the ad. They contacted detectives from the Nassau County Police Department narcotics bureau, who had a female officer respond to the advertisement and arrange to meet the man. Nassau police said when Joshua W. O'Neil, 32, of Albany, met the female officer Tuesday night in Garden City, he offered her crack cocaine in exchange for "sexual favors." The only "favor" O'Neil received, police said, was being placed under arrest. O'Neil was charged with third-degree criminal sale of a controlled substance and criminal possession of a controlled substance with intent to sell. He is scheduled to be arraigned Wednesday in First District Court in Hempstead. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Doug for this picture: Due to cold spells, snow falls and various other symptoms of global warming, this Christmas cactus bloomed again today. =========================================== In the admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others were being interviewed and still others were being escorted to their rooms. An elderly woman hesitatnly entered my cubicle. She had completed her admitting forms and, upon my request, handed me her insurance cards. I typed the neccessary information and then asked her the reason for her coming to the hospital. "Just to visit a friend," she said, "but this has taken so long, I'm not sure if she is still alive." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and both you and your wife were unconscious so I named them for you." The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and said, "Well what did you name them?" The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise." The husband said, "That's a very pretty name! What did you come up with for my son?" The brother replied, "Denephew." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Daniel Re: Error 1720 Dear Webby, hello my friend. do you know how to fix the " 1720 error " ? thanks, daniel Dear Daniel The 1720 error can be due to all kinds of things, but usually indicates hard drive trouble. If your machine is a Compaq, you will probably have to replace the drive soon. Back up anything worth keeping, and get ready for a drive failure in the near future. Reformatting and re-installing all software apparently does not fix this error. It's a serious complaint from the hardware department. On other computers that message can indicate pirated software, damaged installation downloads, or a bad Windows program installer, the program that handles the installation of new software. Recently a new Windows Installer was released. You can get it here: http://snipurl.com/e4ec Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 14, 2007 - Walland, Tennessee - AP A young beagle stranded on a mountain ledge proved a bark can be better than a bite by repeatedly howling until help arrived. A six-man team from the Blount County Fire Department trekked two hours through thick undergrowth on Tuesday to reach a ridge 30 feet above the dog near the Foothills Parkway, bordering the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Then firefighter John Matlock rappelled down to the foot-wide ledge where the dog was stranded, overlooking a sheer drop of about 125 feet below. Matlock tucked the pooch in a red bag and, with help from his fellow firefighters, brought the dog back to the top. The beagle was thin and thirsty but OK. A group of cheerleaders from Heritage High School had camped across the highway the night before and complained they couldn't get any sleep because of the dog's howls. After watching the rescue, they did what cheerleaders do. They cheered. The dog's owner, Katie Wilkinson of Walland, claimed the dog Wednesday after he had been taken to an animal shelter. She said the beagle disappeared March 9. The dog's name is Hass, short for Hasenfeffer. Randy Ball, who lives nearby, said he'd heard the dog's howls through the woods for four days. It was Ball and property owner Max Walker, grandfather of one of the cheerleaders, who decided Tuesday to mount the rescue and call in the firefighters. Ball said he figures the beagle, which had a collar but no tags, became stuck on the ledge while chasing a deer or an other animal.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Luggage Tip When traveling by air, put a brightly colored ribbon on your luggage. The more colorful, the better. When your suitcases come around on the baggage claim you will be sure to spot them on the first go around. By Delores Guess who started that ? Yes, you are right, good ol Dear Webby, in the early 70's. Every time I travel, I am surprised at how many people still have not caught on to that trick. Since about 1995 I also have my laminated business card, which has my picture on it, epoxied to every piece of luggage, my camera and my laptop. You can print your own business cards or luggage tags and have them laminated at Staples for a dollar, or order them on-line. In Canada it's Item # 45383 at http://staples.ca In the US it's Item # 889545 at http://staples.com In other countries look for "SelfSeal Luggage Tag" As you can easily imagine, that eliminates any confusion or argument about who an item belongs to. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Bob's six year old son came home from school after attending a health class. When he asked him what he'd learned that day, the boy was quiet fora minute and then said, "Dad, have any of the men in our family had their penises criticized?" The father laughed and told him the term was 'circumcised', but the answer was still no. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son overheard some of her parents' private conversations. One day when Diane and her 4-year-old were waiting in a doctors office a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. "Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: St Patrick's Day http://www.st-patricks-day.com/index.asp
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Computer power cords 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  March 16, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!
======================================

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation,
the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
--- P. J. O'Rourke

That's how we got the CAN SPAM act.

=======================================

About a year ago, a friend, who lives in Virginia, was talking
with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all
their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like
their noses are plugged up.

"They think we have an accent," she replied.

"But they have an accent, right?" Brent asked.
"They talk funny."

"Everybody talks in different ways," she tried to explain.
"To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words
are d-r-a-w-n out."

His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously,
"Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A synagogue had just opened for business, while at the same time a Catholic
church opened across the street.  After some time, the Rabbi noticed that
a convent had been added to the church.  More time later a Catholic school
was built, then a gymnasium.

The Rabbi called together his staff and expressed his concern,
"We've been here the same amount of time as our neighbors and look,
they have grown, while we still have our same small temple.
What are we doing wrong?"

And so it was decided, they would send Morris to attend a service
on Sunday and check out what was going on over there.

Sunday came and all the men from the congregation were peeking through
the windows as Morris entered the church.  Not 15 minutes later, Morris
came flying across the street, yelling and waving his arms.

"So what happened?" asked the Rabbi.

"Oy, you wouldn't believe it," said Morris.  "I go into the church, I sit
down, then from the left a guy in a dress comes out onto the stage and
he's chanting, 'I can play dominoes better than you can. I can play
dominoes better than you can.' Then from the right of the stage comes
some young boys swinging incense, followed by another guy in a dress
who starts chanting, 'I bet you don't. I bet you don't.' Then back
and forth they go, 'I can play dominoes better than you can. I bet you
don't.' Then from out of the back four, men in black suits come down
the aisles and pick up the bets!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to five prisoners in Craijova, Romania Waste of good Football March 8, 2007 - Romania - Ananova Five Romanian prisoners managed to escape while guards were watching Champions League football. They cut the bars of their first floor cell window with a hacksaw blade during the match between Real Madrid and Bayern Munich. To cover the noise, they turned the TV up loud before the match started then began the escape operation when the match started. They escaped immediately after half-time. All five men, who were aged 17 to 19, were caught half an hour after leaving the prison in Craiova, Dolj county. They now face supplementary sentences of up to four years while the guards are being investigated by their superiors. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Rubye for this picture of a Turkey Oak: =========================================== A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear in court for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day. "What for?" he snapped at the judge. His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, "Twenty dollars for contempt of court. That's why!" Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented, "That's all right. You don't have to pay now." And the man said, "I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A Russian woman walked into an empty Moscow shop. I see you have no vegetables today." "No", said the shopkeeper, "this is a butcher shop. It's meat we haven't got. The shop with no vegetables is further down the street." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: Computer power cords Dear Webby, Are powercords interchangeable? My friend gave his computer to check out, but forgot to give me his power cord. Could I use my power cord instead? I have a cord for a 350V power supply and the power supply for his computer is 250V. Would be okay to switch out power cords? Thanks, Chris Dear Chris yes, sure! Power cords are standard. If you can stuff it into the socket, it will work. Since your household voltage is 110 Volt, it's nice that the cord doesn't start leaking and drooling electrons onto the carpet until 250V or 350V, but any rating from 110V and up is fine. Power cords that have a female plug that looks like this one, and have a male plug that fits the wall socket, can be safely used anywhere in the world. The power supply often has a little red slide switch, sometimes covered with tape, that lets you select the voltage of your country. But if the cord fits, use it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 14, 2007 - Oklahoma City, Oklahoma - AP A 17-year-old girl won a scholarship worth $100,000 for building an inexpensive yet accurate spectrograph that identifies the ''fingerprints'' of different molecules. Mary Masterman, a senior at Westmoore High School in Oklahoma City, was named the winner Tueday of the annual Intel Science Talent Search. More than 1,700 high school seniors across the nation entered the contest, which is in its 66th year. Spectrographs, which measure wave lengths, are used in research such as astronomy and medicine and in industry. For example, they can be used as a sensing device to look for explosives or drugs or to help determine how old an art work is through its pigments. They can cost as much as $100,000, but Masterman's invention — made of lenses, a laser, aluminum tubing and a camera — cost less than $1,000, Intel said. Masterman received the honor from Intel Corp. Chairman Craig Barrett during a banquet Tuesday night in Washington.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using A Clothesline I hang dry my clothing. It is surprisingly relaxing and I save on electricity. I have a clothesline inside for bad weather and one outside for good weather. If I need to soften the clothing I toss them in the dryer for a few minutes before putting them away. By Melanie
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away. "Johnny wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to." The boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook! =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Weird and not yet repealed laws: CALIFORNIA It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license. Women may not drive in a house coat. FLORIDA It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. OHIO Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public. It is illegal to get a fish drunk. KANSAS Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights. No one may catch fish with his bare hands. OKLAHOMA Violators can be arrested and/or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog. State law prohibits anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger. ALABAMA It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church. Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. (Really) NEW YORK It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun. The penalty for jumping off a building is death. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Antarctic Icebergs http://tinyurl.com/2zzf5u
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Mail out blocked by wrong SMTP 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  March 15, 2007
======================================

"Failure is a part of success. There is no such thing as a bed of
roses all your life. But failure will never stand in the way of
success if you learn from it."
--- Hank Aaron

=======================================

The young son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning
when he saw for the first time baptism by immersion. He was
greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to
baptize his three cats in the bathtub.

The youngest kitten bore it very well, and so did the younger
cat, but the old family tom cat rebelled. The old feline
struggled with the boy, clawed his skin, and finally got
away. With considerable effort the boy caught the
old tom again and proceeded with the "ceremony."

But the cat acted worse than ever, clawing and spitting,
and scratching the boy's face. Finally, after barely getting
the cat splattered with water, he dropped him on the floor
in disgust and said:
"Fine, be a Methodist if you want to!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

As a professional clown, John entertains groups at parties
and company picnics.

Once, an inebriated guest began heckling him in the middle
of a performance, disrupting his act. Trying to ignore him
wasn't working, so he used a different tactic.

Slipping his arm around his shoulder, John looked him in
the eye and said, "Mister, I get paid to dress up and make
a fool of myself - what's your excuse?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jonathan Zaletel, 19, of Chandler, Arizona Cooked! March 9, 2007 - Chandler, Arizona - AP A man who started a small fire while cooking methamphetamine drove to a Wal-Mart to buy a fire extinguisher when he couldn't put out the flames, sheriff's deputies said. Jonathan Zaletel, 19, was greeted by Maricopa County deputies when he returned to his condominium late Tuesday, Lt. Paul Chagolla said. The flames had been extinguished by a sprinkler system, and arriving firefighters found a small meth lab in the closet. A toaster being used to cook the drug had caught fire, Chagolla said, and Zalatel had tried putting it out using water and window cleaner before deciding to go buy the fire extinguisher. Zalatel was booked on suspicion of manufacturing dangerous drugs, possession of chemicals and equipment to manufacture dangerous drugs, possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana and criminal damage. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Rubye for this picture: =========================================== A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work. When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, hon." "Thank goodness, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session. Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip. The wife answers, "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?" The husband laughs and says, "An Italian girl!" The woman kept quiet and left. Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks "So, honey, how was the trip?" "Very good, thank you". "And, what happened to my present?". "Which present?" "What I asked for....the Italian girl? "Oh, that? Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait a few months to see if it is a girl!!!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mary Re: No mail going out via neighbor's wireless Dear Webby, I don't know whether it is the same problem, but MY mail won't go out when I try to send it on my neighbor's wireless connection. My technician says it isbecause the wireless system does not recognize my (landline) configuration. However, I do not understand why I cannot get my bank's website. (????) I just figured that tomorrow I'll get onto my sister's wireless connection with her computer. (I AM ON VACATION.) M Dear Mary You have to change the SMTP server name in your mail config to show the SMTP server normally used by your neighbor's computer. For example, if your neighbor connects to the net via earthlink, then you would have to set the SMTP server name to smtp.earthlink.net. Your bank probably uses a similar verification scheme. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 12, 2007 - Switzerland - Ananova A beauty pageant for pensioners - entitled Miss Retirement Home - has been launched in Switzerland. Organizer Laurent Rerat came up with the idea as a protest against the popular obsession with youth. The only criteria to enter was that the candidate could walk without an aid, had to be aged over 70, and lived alone. It was won by Leontine Vallade, from Geneva, who succeeded against nine other candidates from five nursing homes. Vallade refused to reveal her age when asked by journalists, but had to prove she was over 70 to qualify. She convinced the jury with "her smile and her charm". Vallade won a dinner in a luxury restaurant. Mr. Rerat is now planning a Mr. Retirement Home.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preparing Flour for Gravy In a small saucepan, brown flour you will need over low heat. Stir constantly until flour is light to medium brown in color. Sift into a large measuring bowl. Add very hot water and stir, making sure there are no lumps. Pour the mixture into your meat essence, and season to taste. By Carla Alternatively, you might want to try DearWebby's method. Sautee finely chopped onions in real butter until a uniform hazelnut brown. Don't go checking email during that, or the onion bits will get bitter, black edges. Sprinkle a level teaspoon of flour and one of paprika over the onions and stir until all butter is absorbed and the onions are nicely coated. Stand well back and pour a cup-size ladle of cold water or beef stock into the hot pan. There will be a miniature steam explosion, so make sure you stand back and use a ladle for that! That steam explosion tears apart all flour balls and activates the paprika. When used properly, paprika is a great spice, not just a decoration. Add salt and whatever herbs and spices are appropriate for the meal you are cooking and let it simmer a bit. When I don't have beef stock or roast drippings, I use Watkins beef soup mix. It doesn't have MSG like almost all other soup and gravy mixes. The resulting gravy is a very flavorful, thin, european style gravy. If you need a tame, Southern style, thick gravy, use Carla's recipe. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The young mother wanted so much to be a part of her teenage children's group. She worked hard at learning all the styles the young mothers wore and all foods the children like to eat. She always tried to look young and spiffy and to have an abundant supply of snacks when the gang dropped by. She even learned how to talk "young" learning all the buzz words and hip sayings. One day all this came to a screeching halt when, after serving the right snacks, she heard herself say to a room full of hormone dripping teenagers, "If anyone want secs, just let me know. I'll be in the kitchen getting it ready." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== An old country farmer with serious financial problems bought a mule from another old farmer for $100, who agreed to deliver the mule the next day. However, the next day he drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news: The mule died." "Well, then, just give me my money back." Can't do that. I went and spent it already." "OK, then. Just unload the mule." "What ya gonna do with a dead mule?" "I'm going to raffle him off." "You can't raffle off a dead mule!" "Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead." A month later the two met up and the farmer who sold the mule asked, "Whatever happened with that dead mule?" "I raffled him off just like I said I would. I sold 500 tickets at $2 a piece and made a net profit of $898." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back." ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Can not hear music 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  March 14, 2007
======================================

 "When obstacles arise, you change your direction to reach
your goal; you do not change your decision to get there."
— Zig Ziglar

"Talent is a gift, but character is a choice."
--- John C. Maxwell

=======================================

In his younger days our golden retriever Catcher often ran away
when he had the chance.  His veterinarian's office was about a
mile down the road, and Catcher would usually go there.  The
office staff knew him and would call me to come pick him up.
One day I called the vet to make an appointment for Catcher's
yearly vaccine.

"Will you bring him," asked the receptionist, "or will he come
on his own?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Three violin manufactures have all done business for years
on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After
years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to
put a sign in the window saying:
"We make the best violins in Italy."

The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in
their window proclaiming:
"We make the best violins in the world."

Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their
shop saying:
"We make the best violins on this street."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a con in Oswego, NY One way to get free room and board March 8, 2007 - Owego, New York - AP He's not really a Red Cross worker, but he did stay at a Holiday Inn Express. And then he refused to pay his bill. Police say a man who spent four days at a Holiday Inn Express in Owego, New York, was arrested after refusing to pay the tab for his room and meals. Police say he tried to get out of paying the bill by claiming to be a worker with the Red Cross. He's been charged with criminal impersonation and theft of services and will get free room and board in jail. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== =========================================== All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The elementary school teacher was trying impress upon the seventh-grade history class how Native Americans must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," said she, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's newest boyfriend." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: No music on postcards Dear Webby, I'M HAVING TROUBLE GETTING THE MUSIC TO PLAY WITH THE CARD I 'M TRYING TO SEND FROM HICARDS Carol Dear Carol Not all cards have music, but on the cards that have music, it seems to work just fine. If your music does not play, check to make sure that when the cat walked across your keyboard, it didn't mute your speakers. That's the most common cause for music problems on Hicards. Second most frequent problem is not enough free and unused RAM. Run CrapCleaner or reboot, then try again. Third most common problem is not selecting music when going back to edit some more. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 10, 2007 - Omaha, Nebraska - AP Lucy was drowning and turning blue, so Randy Gurchin recalled his U.S. air force training on mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. It didn't matter that Lucy is a 10-month-old English bulldog, because he and Lucy are "best buddies." "Once you get a pet, it's truly part of your family," Gurchin said. "You just tend to do whatever it takes to save their life." Lucy had jumped into a partly frozen lake in pursuit of ducks and geese but the water was too cold for her. When Gurchin edged onto the ice and pulled Lucy out of the water, she was unresponsive and her face and paws were blue. He closed her mouth, put his mouth over her nose, breathed air into her lungs and pushed on her chest and after about a minute she began taking shallow breaths. He drove her to a veterinary clinic, where she was immersed in warm water, given injections and placed in an oxygen tent. By Friday, a week after her ordeal, Lucy was back to normal, said Gurchin, a pilot who retired from the air force two years ago.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hand Cleaner for Stains I spilled "Old English" furniture polish on my green carpet. It left an ugly brown stain. My husband finally tried his automotive hand cleaner, smearing it in good. We let it set a few minutes then using warm water and began to wipe it up. When we finished, the stain was gone.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Sam staggered into the house at two o'clock in the morning. As he entered his bedroom, he found another man in bed with his wife. Anni, his wife pushed the man off her and demanded to know where Sam had been until two o'clock in the morning. Sam looked at his wife's lover and demanded, "Who in the heck is this guy, and what is he doing in bed with you?" The wife thundered back, "Don't you go changing the subject! Where in the heck have you been so late?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Chris for this story: An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace O this family." "OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, this sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club.... (takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...." "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again,"Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff." "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!" ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: How to get rid of SpyDawn 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesdayday,  March 13, 2007
======================================

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
--- Larry Gelbart

Only sick music makes money today.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche

If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much.
--- Donald H. Rumsfeld

=======================================

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood
of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When
asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife
replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the
first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

"Cynic, n. a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as
they are, not as they ought to be." --Ambrose Bierce

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jared W. Anderson, 20 of Eau Claire, Wisconsin Proving that there IS something behind the Wisconsin Ole and Sven jokes? March 8, 2007 - Eau Claire, Wisconsin - AP Attempts to do a movie stunt landed one man in the hospital with burned genitals and another facing criminal charges. The men were trying to do a stunt from one of the "Jackass" movies, in which a character lights his genitals on fire. Jared W. Anderson, 20, suffered serious burns to his hands and genitals, according to the criminal complaint. Randell D. Peterson, 43, who sprayed lighter fluid on Anderson and lit him on fire, was charged with felony battery and first-degree reckless endangerment Tuesday in Eau Claire County Court. Witnesses told police that Anderson, who was drunk, volunteered to do the stunt Sunday after watching the movie, the complaint said. According to the complaint: Anderson pulled down his pants and let Peterson spray him with lighter fluid. When the fire didn't catch, Peterson sprayed more lighter fluid on Anderson, splashing some on his clothing. He tried again to light the fire, catching Anderson's genitals, hands and clothes. Anderson ran into the bathroom, jumped into the tub and put the flames out. Other guests took him to Luther Hospital, and eventually he was treated at the Regions Hospital Burn Unit in St. Paul, Minn., for second-degree burns ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for these pictures: =========================================== Having trouble with the doctor's notes on an emergency case which read, "Shot in the lumbar region," the poor girl was flustered and at her wit's end. At last she thought she had it figured out and brightened up as she typed up the record, "Wounded in the woods." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely lady. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you don't wear because they're last month's style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because you had seen a clerk in town wear one just like it.. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?' And so, here we are!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dee Re: How to remove SpyDawn Dear Webby, A program called "Spy Dawn" has been installed on my computer without my permission. I can't seem to get rid of it through the add/remove program. Two windows keep popping up and bugging the life out of me! They tell me of a system performance monitor, showing a summary of the supposed problems with my system. How can I get this thing off my computer? Thanks. Dee Dear Dee SpyDawn (Spy Dawn) is a ransomware product that is secretly installed by the Zlob Trojan when you agree to download music or codeces from not quite legitimate sources. There is a spydawn removal tool posted at http://www.spydawn-removal-guide.com/?g ... IgodRynIrg Because I use Spybot-Search&Destroy and McAfee, that kind of stuff does not get onto my machines and I have no first hand experience with it. It is simply the best info about it, that I could find on the net. Please let me know if it works for you. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 8, 2007 - San Nicolas De Los Garza, Mexico - AP A man who once weighed well over a half ton left his house for the first time in five years Wednesday — wheeled outside on his bed to greet neighbors and see a mariachi band. ''The sky is beautiful and blue and what I want is to enjoy the sun,'' said Manuel Uribe, who had once been certified by doctors as weighing 1,235 pounds. Though still unable to leave his bed, Uribe has lost 395 pounds since he began a high proteing diet a year ago. He now weights about 840 pounds. To celebrate the milestone, six people pushed Uribe's wheel-equipped iron bed out to the street as a mariachi band played and a crowd gathered. Then, a forklift lifted him onto a truck and the 41-year-old rode through the streets of San Nicolas de los Garza, a Monterrey suburb. With dozens of reporters and photographers in tow, Uribe traveled along, passing the town's plaza and church and waving at clusters of people eager to get a glimpse of him. ''It fills me with joy to see he's getting better and getting a little sun,'' Uribe's neighbor Guadalupe Guerra said. ' 'I would go crazy if I had to be inside my house for so many years.'' Uribe was a chubby kid and weighed more than 250 pounds as an adolescent. In 1992, he said his weight began ballooning further. Since the summer of 2002, Uribe has been bedridden, relying on his mother and friends to feed and clean him. He drew worldwide attention when he pleaded for help on national television in January 2006. Afterward, an Italian and a Spanish doctor both visited and offered gastric bypass surgery. But Uribe chose to accept help from Mexican nutritionists working with the zone diet. He says he will stick to that diet until he reaches his goal of 265 pounds. ''My goal is to leave the house on my own but I know that will be a long process,'' he said. Doctors say it may take between three and four years for Uribe to reach his goal. Uribe said he plans to start a foundation to help overweight people get medical assistance and teach them about healthy eating habits.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Watch for Free Events Many museums, zoos and aquariums have free days. This usually happens one day per month such as the first Tuesday or last Friday. For museums, call ahead and find out if they have exhibits that are tailored towards kids. In art museums, ancient cultures exhibits are often fun for kids.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!" The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came from afar. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help your daughter figure out which of her friends got her pregnant!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A minister was opening his mail one morning and. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "FOOL". The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their name. "But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Crab migration http://tinyurl.com/2mw3k9
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favori te nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby: Not getting the mail out 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  March 12, 2007
======================================

"Life reflects your own thoughts back to you."
--- Napoleon Hill

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
--- Mark Twain

=======================================

A local law enforcement officer stops a car for traveling
faster than the posted speed limit. Since he's in a good
mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and
write him out a warning instead of a ticket.

So, he asks the man his name.
Fred," he replies. Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.
When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells
him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer
thinks he has a nut case on his hands but plays along
with it.  "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me I was
born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name.
The kids used to tease  me all the time. So I stayed to
myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older
I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through
college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got
my degree so I was, Fred Dingaling, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to
go back to school. Dentistry was my dream.
Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was
now; Fred Dingaling MD DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with
my assistant.
She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD.
Well, the ADA  found out about the VD so they took away my
DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found
out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD,
so they took away my MD leaving me as,  Fred Dingaling with VD.
Then the VD took away my dingaling so now  I'm just Fred."

The officer walked away in tears he was laughing so hard,
and tore up the ticket

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

An elderly retired couple were driving down the East coast, when they
stopped in Georgia for a fuel stop.  The elderly woman was very hard
of hearing, and usually asked her husband to repeat everything.

An elderly station attendent came to the car and started filling the
fuel tank. Making idle talk, he asked if the man liked the weather, to
which the man replied, "very much".

What'd he say?, asked the woman.  "He asked if I like the weather, and
I told hime yes", replied her husband.

"Where are you-all headed", asked the attendant.  "Oh, we're going to
Jacksonville", he repied.

"What'd he say?", asked the woman.  "He asked where we're going, and I
told him to Jacksonville", the husband replied.

"Where are you-all from", inquired the attendant a few moments later.
"Oh, we're from Maine," the man replied.  "Ah, I was in Maine for two
years while I was in the Air Force, replied the attendant.  In fact, I
dated a girl from Maine while I was there.  It didn't last long
though. I have to tell you, this girl was the worst in bed of any girl
I ever knew."

"What'd he say?" inquired the woman.

"He said he thinks he knows you," replied her husband.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gerry Edwards, of Center Point, Iowa Wrong place, wrong time March 7, 2007 - Riverside, Iowa - Ananova A US photographer has been fired for urinating in a cemetery while covering the funeral of a soldier killed in Iraq. Gerry Edwards, of Center Point, Iowa, was sacked by KGAN-TV, reports the Des Moines Register. He was covering the funeral of Sgt James Musack, 23, of Riverside, Iowa, when he urinated in the cemetery while waiting for the procession to arrive. A journalist from a Kalona newspaper was nearby and photographed the incident. The editor sent the photo by e-mail to KGAN managers. The editor wrote in the email: "Urinating behind a statue of Mary in a Catholic cemetery within clear view of... numerous members of the Army who were on hand for the funeral, is inexcusable." Within hours, KGAN officials escorted Edwards out of their building and gave him the choice of either resigning or being fired. When he refused to resign, he was fired. At a recent hearing for unemployment benefits, he testified he was unable to leave the cemetery to urinate for fear of missing the funeral procession. "I feel like I did nothing wrong except take care of business," Edwards said. "If I went in my pants, that would be really unprofessional. If anybody saw me, you know, walking around - it would have froze. So I'd have icy urine on my pants." He blamed KGAN managers for insisting that he get a shot of the funeral procession. KGAN Station Manager Mike Sullivan declined to comment. ---------------------- Professional photographers usually chose a sheltered location between parked cars for that, and if possible, "focus" on the door lock or the fresh air intake on the car of a competitor. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for these pictures: Look what showed up in my yard today! Sandie =========================================== "Please" the man would beg of anyone who would listen, "just loan me a hundred dollars. I'll double it in no time and pay you right back." People would shake their heads and walk away. However, one night he ran into a generous oil man from Texas who handed him a crisp C-note and said, "Here, boy, enjoy yourself!" After thanking his generous benefactor he walked over to the Black Jack table and blew the money in five minutes. The next night when he saw the Texan, he again asked him for some money, and again the Texan gave him a hundred-dollar bill. But that too was gone within a matter of minutes. This continued for more than three weeks. Every night the Texan would give him money, and every night it would be gone almost before he had it. Finally, in desperation, the unhappy fellow told one of his friends about his experience with the generous Texan. "There's only onr thing to do," his friend told him "Lose the bum. he's bad luck for you!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Rosie for this story: Having survived my first driving lesson, I emerged from the car to come face to face with a woman standing on the pavement. "A bit nerve-wracking, was it?" she asked. "More than that," I laughed, "My instructor reeks of BO and has a bit of a wind problem. No way do I want a lesson from him again!" "I know the feeling," said the woman coolly. "I've been married to him for 20 years. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Liane Re: Not getting my mail out Dear Webby, I am writing this with gmail, because you and most people don't seem to get mail from my regular business address. What am I doing wrong? Liane Dear Liane Except for Telus, very few ISPs censor outgoing mail. Most likely you are using a childish autoresponder and got blocked and blacklisted by the people who had written to you before. Nowadays autoresponders are only appropriate when they provide real information. A good example is: "Write to ... to get an up to the minute road report from a guaranteed unmonitored and safe autoresponder." Telling somebody that mail arrived and that you may or may not get around to answer it some day, is NOT considered real information. That is considered as dumb a nuisance as any other unsolicited mail. Like me, a lot of people trash mail from autoresponders right on the server, unseen by anybody, and at the same time automatically blacklist the sender. Just dump that blocked and blacklisted address, get a new address and don't use a silly autoresponder on the new one. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 7, 2007 - Central, California - Do One Nice Thing "Malnourished children are angry children... Any little thing would set them off." They're not angry anymore. In fact, they're blossoming thanks to Mary and Michael Mhttp://dawna.com/6/a/orton, founders of Vitamin Relief USA. Michael, a psychologist, was managing homeless shelters in Central California, when an idea struck him. Why not give vitamins to children living on the street? Maybe it would fortify them and protect them from illness. He tried it, and the results were so striking that he was asked to start a nonprofit vitamin program for homeless kids. Today, just 7 years later, Mary and Michael run Vitamin Relief USA, providing daily vitamins to 28,000 at-risk children at over 500 sites in 39 states. It also provides daily multi vitamins to over 3,300 low-income seniors and calcium to 14,000 seniors across the U.S. Mary and Michael find out who needs help, then get manufacturers to ship vitamins directly to agencies and schools. http://www.vitaminrelief.org/
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Befriend Your Butcher and Baker It's a good idea to ask the butcher and baker at your local grocery store what time they put out discounted items. If they are nice enough to tell you, plan your shopping trips around when discounted items will be available. Both meat and bread freeze well for later use. Chefs and gourmet look for darker, brown colored beef that has had a chance to age and get more tender. The better steak houses age their steak 20-22 days before using them. However, because the uneducated masses usually prefer bright red and fresh looking meat and won't buy meat when it turns brown, the stores generally put discount stickers on beef when it is 2-3 days old. Pork is still fine at a week old, but chicken, turkey and fish is best when fresh. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
There was football game between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals. At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?" "I did" said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too" said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede. "SO WHERE WERE YOU THE FIRST HALF?" demanded the coach. "Well" said the centipede, "I was putting all my boots on.” =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Mark for this report: I asked Betty the other day what she liked most about me. "Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?" "Your wacky sense of humor, dear." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Famous jewelry http://www.wwgems.com/gallery/Famous
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby



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Dear Webby: Why increase virtual memory? 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  March 11, 2007
======================================

Rogues are preferable to imbeciles
because they sometimes take a rest.
--- Alexandre Dumas

The time to stop talking is when the other person
nods his head affirmatively but says nothing.
--- Henry S. Haskins

=======================================

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded
to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly
phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the Pearly
Gates. The Angel explains that admission requirements are now
a bit more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have
managed to slip into Heaven without being detected.

He queries the first candidate: "What was your annual salary,
and what was your profession?

"I made $450,000 as an attorney," comes the reply.

"You may enter," says the Angel, "take elevator #2.".

Second candidate, same question.

"I made $95,000, I was a realtor." He is also permitted to
enter and was told to take elevator #4

Now it is the third man's turn.

"My annual income was $175."

"Cool!" replies the Angel, "take elevator #9. By the way,
what ezine did you publish?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Larenzo Dixon, 22 from Louisiana Jay Walk to jail A man wanted in Louisiana for investigation of murder and murder for hire was taken into custody after he was stopped for jaywalking at a trolley station, sheriff's officials said Saturday. San Diego County sheriff's deputies were enforcing a "no tolerance" policy at the Lemon Grove Trolley station on Wednesday, authorities said, when they saw Larenzo Dixon, 22, cross the street illegally. Deputy David Perrapato became suspicious after he said Dixon gave him one name then signed another on his jaywalking citation. After taking him into custody for using a false name, authorities said they discovered there were outstanding warrants for his arrest on murder and murder for hire charges. Sheriff's Sgt. Paul Robbins said Saturday that Dixon would be returned to Louisiana to face the charges. He also praised Perrapato. "Because of his enforcement actions, one more potentially violent predator was taken off the street," Robbins said. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Brenda from Triangle B for this picture: Also have a look at Brenda's "Horses Sold" page for a hilarious picture of that horse parodying it's new ower's smile. Triangle B Tennssee Walking Horses =========================================== Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business. "Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That 96' beauty belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there 104' is owned by the head of Goldman, Sachs. And look at that huge 210' yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache." His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "I was just wondering," Morris said. "why aren't there any customers' yachts?" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart. Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have todays paper?" The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Diana Re: Why increase virtual memory Dear Webby, Just love your newsletter and advice. Can you tell me the benifits of increasing virtual memory? What is your recommendation for the size it should be? Thank you very much, Diana Dear Diana Windows often needs more memory than is available in your RAM chips. Then it declares a part of the hard drive as virtual (fake) memory and parks older stuff from the RAM there, until it is needed again. Your computer will work the best if you set your virtual memory to about four times the amount of RAM you have installed. Have FUN! Dear Webby Related to that is a letter from Bill: Webby, Why would one not just allow Windows XP to automatically adjust the size of the virtual memory rather than set it manually? Thanks, Bill Dear Bill Bill If you do, Windows just keeps hogging more and more space to use for virtual memory. Beyond a certain point that gets very inefficient and slows things down. It's like tools on the workbench. It's handy to have SOME tools within reach, but when the pile of tools on the bench cramps your work space and it takes longer to dig tools out from the pile than it would to get them from their proper drawer, then it's time to set some limits. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 3, 2007 - Charlotte, North Carolina - AP Emily Lineberger missed her gymnastics class this week, but thanks to the 11-year-old's heroics, she and her mother survived what could have been a tragic car wreck. Emily was riding in the back seat of the family car Tuesday when her mother, Dayna Lineberger, started feeling lightheaded. Ulcerative colitis had caused Lineberger to feel faint before, so she decided to get food at a nearby restaurant. "Then it just hit me," said Lineberger, 40. "The last thing I remember is screaming to her, `Tell me where to turn,' because I couldn't see. …" While heading into the restaurant parking lot, Lineberger's head rolled back and she passed out, Emily said. "I just screamed like crazy," Emily said. She leaned forward and grabbed the wheel. Her mother's foot was still on the gas pedal, but Emily steered to avoid a car before their car hit a telephone pole and stopped unharmed. Doctors later said Lineberger was dehydrated from the colitis. "It was just her instinct and God riding on her shoulders," Lineberger said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get a Smart Thermostat Install a programmable thermostat to adjust your furnace when you need less heat. Program your thermostat to heat your home less when you are asleep or at work. Programmable thermostats can be purchased at your local hardware store and are relatively easy to install.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The stressed-out department store clerk quits and becomes a cop. "How's the new gig?" his friend asks. "The pay is bad and the hours are awful, but I love that the customer is always wrong." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'" A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that." The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?" The member of the flock said, "I sure could." "How would you do it?" "With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!" ========================================
Thanks to Doris for this Bonus Link: Enchanted Highway http://www.enchantedhighway.net/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Increase Virtual Memory 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  March 10, 2007
======================================

Great people talk about ideas,
average people talk about things,
and small people talk about wine.
--- Fran Lebowitz

=======================================

Thanks to Cookie for this great tip:
GREAT SAFETY IDEA :

Put your car keys beside your bed at night.
If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to
get in your house, just press the panic button for your car.
The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to
sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies.

This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator.
Next time you come home for the night and you start to
put your keys away, think of this:
It's a security alarm system that you probably already have
and requires no installation.
Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house
and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until
you turn it off!

It works if you park in your driveway or garage.
If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break
in your house, odds are the burglar or rapist won't stick
around.

After a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out
their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the
criminal won't want that. And remember to carry your keys
while walking to your car in a parking lot.
The alarm can work the same way there.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

"Call me Tex!" was the cowboy's reply.

"Well, Tex, where are you from, Texas?" the policeman asked.

"Nah, I'm from Louisiana, but Ah shore don't want you to
call me Louise!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 24 year old man in Stevens Point, Wisconsin One way to get out of getting married March 6, 2007 - Stevens Point, Wisconsin -AP If only all criminals were this helpful. A 24-year-old man called police to tell them he was trying to break into a church, but he wasn't having much luck. Police said the found the man waiting at St. Paul's Lutheran Church. The man told them he had hoped to get married in the church and was trying to use a metal shovel to break through the doors. He told them he figured they could help. Officers search the man and found marijuana. He then invited them to his home, where he told them they would find more drugs. They did: He showed them his stash of marijuana and stolen prescription drugs. The man was arrested on charges of criminal damage to property, possession of drugs and paraphernalia, police said. Town officials were astounded. "There aren't many arrests like that," Police Chief Jeff Morris said. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this picture: =========================================== Early in the marriage, Helen, the wife's lifelong friend, came to dinner. During the course of the meal, she broke a fork in half. "Don't worry about it, Helen," said the husband. "It's just one of those cheap sets you get for subscribing to that recipe magazine." The wife turned to the husband and announced, "Honey, Helen gave us that set as a wedding gift!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Dentist - "Try to relax. I'll pull your aching tooth in five minutes." Patient - "How much will this cost?" Dentist - "It`ll be $100." Patient - "That much for just five minutes work?" Dentist - "Well if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly and make it last half an hour." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Suzy Re: Increase Virtual Memory Assign 4 times the amount of RAM you got for Virtual memory. How do we do that exactly? Dear Suzy On Windows XP look in Control Panel: System, Advanced, Performance Settings, Advanced, Virtual Memory. By the way, even though you are an AOLer, it would be a good idea to use a salutation and a signature, when writing to people on the real Internet. Most people consider "blurting like an AOLer" to be rude, and they won't give you the same respect, that you would get with basic etiquette. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 7, 2007 - New Port Richey, Florida - Ananova A British pensioner interrupted a game of golf in Florida to save a man from a 7ft alligator. Tom Arundel, 73, from Basildon, Essex, was playing golf at New Port Richey, in Florida, when he heard shouting, reports the BBC. Mr. Arundel and American friend Pat McGuire, 68, rushed to help and found Vernon Messier, 57, waist-deep in water as an alligator tore at his foot. Mr. Messier gouged at the alligator's eyes and it let him go, allowing the pair to pull him out. The victim had been collecting golf balls from waterholes when the alligator attacked him. Mr. Arundel said: "We just heard someone shouting for help and saying 'a gator's got me'. We rushed over with our golf clubs and found this man hanging off the bank. "The alligator had his foot and wouldn't let it go. This guy was wearing a wet suit down to his ankles and that probably saved him." Mr. Messier was left with a bloodied foot, but was able to drive himself to hospital and was thought likely to make a full recovery. The alligator was later caught and killed.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Insurance Quotes Get multiple quotes when shopping for insurance. Write down as much information as possible about each insurer. If the agent or representative is not willing to answer your questions, it's probably not a good company to give your business. Don't buy from the first insurance company you call!
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if she can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face. "What did you do that for?" the man asks. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore do you?" The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== When my older brother was very young, he always walked up to the church altar with my mother when she took communion. On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and asked, "What's that latin stuff the priest says when he gives you the bread?" Mom whispered something in his ear. Imagine his shock many years later when he learned that the priest doesn't say, "Be quiet or I'll knock your block off!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Prank Stuff http://www.prankplace.com/quarter.htm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Speed up old laptop 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  March 9, 2007
Wear something red to show your support of the troops!
======================================

Change your mind ... and EVERYTHING changes.
--- Rebecca Fine

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
--- Yogi Berra

All phone calls are obscene.
--- Karen Elizabeth Gordon

=======================================

Thanks to Terry for this story:
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him.
"Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but
they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest  exclaimed,
Then he thought for a moment.
"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem.
I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray
and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house,
and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship,
and your parrots are sure to stop saying that phrase in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be
the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's
house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male
parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.

Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with
them.
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:
"Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"

There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot
and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have
been answered.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family
including his mother-in-law.

During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem, George's
mother-in-law died.

With the death certificate in hand, George went to the Australian
Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to Australia
for proper burial.

The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told George
that the sending of a body back to Australia for burial is very, very
expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000.00. The Consul continues, in
most cases the person responsible for the remains normally decides to
bury the body here. This would only cost $150.00."

George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will
cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do."

The Consul, after hearing this, says "You must have loved your
mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."

"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many years
ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he
arose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an absentmindd coupl in China Did we have a baby ? March 5, 2007 - China - Ananova A Chinese couple were in such a rush to meet relatives they left their three-year-old son on a plane. An attendant on the China Southern Airlines flight from Guangzhou to Dalian city found the child after landing. She told Bandao Morning News that she spotted an unclaimed red coat on a window seat after the passengers had disembarked. "I lifted the coat, and found a child around three-years-old sleeping underneath," she said. The airport immediately announced the discovery over its PA system and sent guards to ask people at checkpoints. The couple eventually contacted the guards themselves when they overheard them ask other passengers if they had lost a child. "We were in such a rush to meet our relatives that we didn't realise we were going without him," said the father. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== =========================================== A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it. The man said, "Cure it? How about making it permanent?" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Australian Police have been unable to recommend a prosecution for the following scam: A company takes out a newspaper advertisement claiming to be able to supply imported hard core pornographic videos. As their prices seem reasonable, people place orders and make payments via check. After several weeks, the company writes back explaining that under the present law they are unable to supply the materials and do not wish to be prosecuted. So they return their customers' money in the form of a company check. However, due to the name of the company, printed in great big red letters onto the check, few people ever bother to present these to their banks. The name of the company: 'The Anal Sex and Fetish Perversion Company'. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Doug Re: Speeding up a laptop Hey Webby, Looking into speeding up my startup, cleaning up the taskbar, and generally cleaning up my laptop. Unfortunately there are is a vast amount of people on the net, telling me all the steps, secrets and adjustments to make to do all the above. My problem is who do I trust? Who is up to date? Who has the right strategies? I want to do this right, and do not want to screw up the laptop. I run Windows XP Professional on an IBM Thinkpad. Have a great day. Doug Dear Doug A) The fastest your laptop ever ran, was when you started it up the first time. B) The more utilities and speeder-uppers you put on it, the more convenient but also the slower it got. You will have to find a compromise point somewhere between A) and B). Here are some guidelines: If your machine is infected with Norton, get rid of it. Assign 4 times the amount of RAM you got for Virtual memory. Keep at least 20% of the hard drive free. ( By the way, space assigned for virtual memory is NOT free space! Add that amount to the USED space number.) Run Spybot-Search&Destroy, then use it's advanced tools to lock out whatever you can from the start-up. Start up all the cutesy stuff manually, IF and when you actually need it. Run a high quality defragmenter like DisKeeper automatically whenever the screensaver comes on. Don't count on the Windows defragmenter. It does not work right in XP. Be a big spender and get Diskeeper (for just under $30 at http://webby.com/diskeeper. ) All other "utilities" are cutesy muffler tassles. Cute, but if you need speed, you can do without them. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 8, 2007 - New York, New York AP It's a doggone long tale — 15 months to be exact — with an ending that's short and sweet. Ruthie has finally, and happily, been reunited with her family. The story goes back to October 2005. Ruthie the dachshund, then 8 months old, was sitting on the back seat of the family car when her human dashed into a Long Island store. When Nancy Noel returned a few minutes later, Ruthie was nowhere in sight. Noel and her husband, Lincoln Werden, contacted Nassau County police, put up fliers around their Manhasset neighborhood — and even hired a private investigator. But no sightings of Ruthie were reported. Until last week. Someone dropped Ruthie off at a Manhattan shelter after spotting her roaming around the Bronx — 25 miles from where she was taken on that fateful October day. Following procedure, shelter workers scanned Ruthie for a possible microchip — and wouldn't you know it — she had one implanted under her skin. It yielded her family's name and address. ''I was just shocked,'' Pedro Rosario of animal care and Control of New York City told the Daily News. ''We called her and she said the dog had been stolen a year ago.'' Ruthie was immediately reunited with Noel and her daughter, Sara Werden. ''We never thought we would see her again,'' Werden said. ''We were just stunned.'' She's no longer the tiny pup they last saw. In fact, Ruthie gained 10 pounds. Ruthie also has a new companion to play with. The family had gotten another dachshund, named Holly, after losing hope of ever finding Ruthie.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Your Shopping List If you frequent the same grocery store, you probably have a good idea of where products are located. One way to save time is to organize your shopping list by location. This is useful if you send a family member to do the shopping, they won't have to wander around looking for items.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clunking noise when going around corners. He took the car out for a test drive and made two right turns, each time hearing a loud clunk. Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager with this note: "Removed bowling ball from trunk." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Groan Alert! A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes. "Oh" said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse." ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: No Eagle Webcam picture 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  March 8, 2007
======================================

Men who never get carried away should be.
--- Malcolm Forbes

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
--- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"

Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings,
they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging
little things, not at all like the staring defects in other
people's characters.
--- Margaret Halsey

We rarely think people have good sense unless they agree
with us.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in
heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the
place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they
try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping
on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along
comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another
extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment
as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for
all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.
Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes
on .....very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to
you for all of eternity?"

The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for bringing back this ancient fable:

An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town.
The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people who remarked
it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was
riding.

The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so
they changed positions.

Then, later, they passed some people who remarked,
"What a shame, he makes that little boy walk."

So they then decided they'd both walk! Soon they passed
some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when
they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how
awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.

The boy and man figured they were probably right, so they
decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge,
they lost their grip on the animal & he fell into the river
and drowned.

The moral of the story?

If you try to please everyone, you might as well...
Kiss your ass goodbye!

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Crappy Kraut Wrong Place March 7, 2007 - Berlin - Reuters An 18-year-old man has been detained for repeatedly defecating in front of a cash machine in a bank vestibule in the southern German town of Eggmuehl, police said today. A police spokesman said man, who left his deposit at the bank eight times, was caught only after the bank installed video monitors to film him in action. A staff worker later spotted the man as he was boarding a local bus. She alerted police and they then detained him as he was about to get off the bus. He faces charges of vandalism, the spokesman said. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for sending these pictures: =========================================== Thanks to Roland for this story: Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually harassing about a co-worker telling you that your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget.” ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Marina for this story: A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing. "Officer," he asks, have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?" "No I haven't. What's the problem?" "The lousy cheat ran out of my shop without paying me!" "Does this fellow have any distinguishing features?" the officer asks. "Well, yes," the barber replies. "He's carrying one of his ears in his left hand." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Klaus Re: No Eagle Cam picture Good Morning Webby Enjoy your humor letter and your assistance with various problems, immensely. I have a problem of my own this morning. When I tried to look at the eagle nest there was a red 'x' in the top left corner of the square and I was unable to view the live video. I was able to view video in the archived section. An thoughts. Thanks Klaus Dear Klaus Hi Klaus About 30,000 people read the Humor Letter. Many of those people forward parts of it to friends or use them in their own newsletters. Most likely the live camera server got mobbed and could not handle the load. Right now they are up again, but with a faster, slightly lower quality picture: Just keep the bookmark handy. It will get more interesting in a few days when the chicks start moving about. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 6, 2007 - Ogden, Utah - AP Corrine Holston is feeling pretty good -- like she does every day. In 56 years of working for a hospital in Utah, Holston has never called in sick. Not even once. She was recently honored at a banquet at the Ogden Regional Medical Center and got to ride in a limo. Holston is in the kitchen every weekday at 5 a.m. making cakes, pies and other goodies. The 78-year-old baker said she doesn't drink or smoke and is just too busy to take a sick day.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Swap Leftovers Find a neighbor, family member or a friend to swap dinners with you. Just make double of your favorite recipe and exchange the leftovers with someone the following night. It adds variety to your family's menu and allows you to take a night off from cooking.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them for children's church. On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly. "This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands went up. "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)..." The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause)..." Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The pastor breathed a sigh of relief and called on him. "Well," said the boy, "I *know* the answer must be Jesus ... but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go. Darryl was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. Darryl said "yes" and the doctor proceeded. "Darryl, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?" Darryl said, "I'd be half blind." "That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?" "I'd be completely blind." The doctor stood up, shook Darryl's hand, and told him he was free to go. On Darryl's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Darryl mentioned the exam to Harold, who was seated in the waiting room. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Harold went into the doctor's office when he was called. The doctor went thru the formalities and then asked, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?" Remembering what Darryl had told him, he answered, "I'd be half blind." The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. "What if I cut off the other ear?" "I'd be completely blind," Harold answered." "Harold, can you explain how you'd be blind?" "My hat would fall down over my eyes." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Card Games http://www.pagat.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Humor: Extended Characters on a laptop 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  March 7, 2007
======================================

I take my children everywhere,
but they always find their way back home.
--- Robert Orben

Look wise, say nothing, and grunt.
Speech was given to conceal thought.
--- Sir William Osler

=======================================

Thanks to Chris O for this:

Eagles nest Cam
http://www.briloon.org/ed/eagle/index.htm

I had sent this link out last year, but not sure if you've
saved it or not.  'Mama eagle' has eggs in the nest
and has been sitting.  Please share this picture with
your children/grandchildren when possible.
Check back often and watch for the little egglets.

Enjoy!
Chris

This is a nest in Maine.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

*How Government Works*
Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the
middle of a desert.  Congress said "someone may steal from
it at night."  So they created a night watchman position and
hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job
without instruction?"  So they created a planning department
and hired two people, one person to write the instructions,
and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is
doing the tasks correctly?"
So they created a Quality Control department and hired two
people.  One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?"
So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a
payroll officer, then hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of
these people?"
So they created an administrative section and hired three
people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative
Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation
for one year and we are $180,000 over budget, we must cut
back overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to jordan Danski, Macomb County Juvenile Justice Center Wanted to get caught March 3, 2007 - Mount Clemens, Michigan - AP A 16-year-old fugitive believed to have posted a "Catch me if you can" message on his MySpace Web page was captured Friday, three days after his escape from a detention center, an official said. Jordan Danski escaped Tuesday with two other teenagers from the Macomb County Juvenile Justice Center where he was being held on a charge of assault with a dangerous weapon, police said. The others were quickly caught, but Danski eluded capture. Authorities said they believe Danski posted the boast, "Catch me if you can" as the heading of his MySpace page Wednesday. Another message said "2 fast for the feds to cocky for the cops." MySpace is a popular, social networking Web site. "What a smart aleck," Danski's grandmother and guardian, Betty Danski, told the Detroit Free Press. "At least I know he's probably safe." Danski's page also drew comments from supporters. The messages included "run jordan run" and "haha keep runnin man, dont let them ... catch you," The Detroit News reported. Danski was arrested without incident at a home in Clinton Township, said Macomb County Sheriff Mark Hackel said. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Dave for this classic: Carl and a Dave are playing golf. They decide to play for $5 a hole. On the third hole, the Dave hits his ball into the rough. "Help me find my ball; you look over there," Dave says to Carl. After several minutes, neither has had any luck, and, anxious to win, Dave pulls out another ball and drops it on the ground. "I've found my ball!" he announces. Carl looks at him, "After all the years we've been friends, you'd cheat me at golf for a measly five bucks?!?" "Cheat?! I found my ball right here!" "And a liar, too!!!" Carl says with amazement. "I'll have you know I've been standing on your ball since we got here." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to SeaBaby for this story: A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of "the redistribution of wealth." She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his. One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school. Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying. Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?" She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over." Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA." The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That wouldn't be fair! I have worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!" The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the Republican party." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jeannie Re: Extended characters on laptop Good Morning Webby, Is there a way to use hot keys/key codes on a laptop without using a separate keyboard? I tried a number pad but that didn’t work. Thanks! Jeannie Dear Jeannie You'll have to hit the NUM-LOCK key first to activate the numeric keypad. Yeah, I know it's a real nuisance on many laptops, even just to find where they hit the silly NUM-LOCK key and what wacko symbol they used for it. Personally, I hate laptop keyboards and always take a regular keyboard along when I travel. Measure your carry-on or suitcase first before you buy a travel keyboard, unless you get one of the flexible indestructible keyboards. That one you can just drape over the laptop right in a normal or backpack carry case, or use as a high fashion shawl. I use a back-pack carry-case for my laptop. It makes running through large airports a lot easier and I am not dragging my knuckles on the floor afterwards. If you are interested in the flexible indestructible keyboard, you can get them from GrandTec at http://www.grandtec.com/vik.htm for $19 - $25 In HTML it's easy, there you can just use &#, the number and a semi-colon: for example &# and 169 plus a ; makes the copyright sign © Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Man saves nun, badge saves police officer March 1, 2007 - New York, New York - AP An emotionally disturbed man driving his car on a sidewalk nearly ran over a nun on Thursday before trying to stab a rookie policeman in the chest and breaking his knife on the officer's shield, authorities said. The unusual string of events started in Queens about 5 p.m., when the man left the scene of an accident and started barreling down a sidewalk where the nun was walking, police said. Another man pushed the nun out of the way of the oncoming car, which struck a tree and a wall before coming to a stop, the New York Police Department said. When the driver tried to run away, two people tried to stop him, but they backed off when he threatened them with a kitchen knife, police said. Two responding officers confronted the driver, who then tried to stab one of them, Stuart Ingram, in the chest, police said. Ingram said later he told the man repeatedly to drop the knife but the man lunged at him with it. He said the knife hit his badge and shattered. Ingram said he struck the man with an expandable baton and, with the help of a civilian, subdued him. "That's when we apprehended him," Ingram said coolly at a news conference. The 50-year-old man was in custody Thursday night, and charges against him were pending, police said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Nylon Stocking For Soap Keep bath soap in an old panty hose leg in the bathtub. You can use the soap and then hang it up after use for drying, so it doesn't get mushy. You can also use this tip in the garden. Hang it from your outdoor water faucet and you can wash after you are done gardening. You can also use doubled onion bags for that. Especially after dirty garden work, the rough scrubbing action of the onion bags is quite efficient and cleans the skin a lot deeper. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Dear Priss Looks like you got the Express Empress blocked. However, she replied to you in her blog: http://fire-cat.com/blog/index.php?entr ... 306-153908 =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A lady's husband dies. She heads to the funeral home to make arrangements. She's emphatic that the arrangements must be done with elegance, and attention to detail. "For example," she tells the funeral director, "I want no wooden chairs. Only padded ones. All the comforts possible to be extended to the mourners. Have the air conditioning set to a perfect 72 degrees. The flowers should be beautiful, yet not overpowering in their scent." The funeral director takes it all down. The day of the funeral the widow is examining the viewing room. She notices that the funeral director has not yet turned on the air conditioner. She orders the director to turn it on so that when the viewing starts, the room will be a perfect temperature. As soon as the air conditioner is on, though, she notices her deceased husband's hairpiece is flapping in the breeze caused by the air conditioner. "This won't do!" She orders the director to take care of the problem. He assures her that he will take care of it, if she'll just wait in the outer office for ten minutes. She leaves and comes back after exactly 600 seconds. Sure enough, her husband's hair is all in place. A month later, the widow is reviewing the bill for the funeral and she notices there was no charge for the hair problem. She calls to inquire as to why. She's told that it was "on the house." "Nonsense," she retorts, "you expended time and materials and I will compensate you for it. Now, give me a price!" "Ok, madam", the funeral director wearily agrees. He holds the phone away and hollers across the room, "Hey, Charlie, how much did that nail cost to put that toupee in place last month?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Whaler Sharks http://tinyurl.com/3xzpnj
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Hot Keys and Key Codes 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  March 6, 2007
======================================

Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the
whole staircase.
--- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to
borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
--- Ambrose Bierce

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow
man, and I hate people like that!
--- Tom Lehrer

=======================================

Thanks to RegLee for this:
My Doctor
He is very good.

If you tell him you want a second opinion, he will go out and
come in again.

While he was talking to me his nurse came in and said,
"Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he is invisible."
The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."

One patient came in and said, "Doctor, I have a serious
memory problem."
The doctor asked, "When did it start?"
The man replied, "When did what start?"

I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in
my ears.
His advice: "Don't answer it."

 My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.
One said to him, "Doctor, I think I'm a bell."
The doctor gave him some pills and said,
"Here, take these, and if they don't work, give me a ring."

When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, he told
me to stop going to those places.

But doctors can be so frustrating.
You wait a month and a half for an appointment. Then he
says, "I wish you had come to me sooner."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A little boy didn't go to school one day. The next day when the
teacher asked him why, he said "Our cow was in heat, so I
had to take her to the bull."
"How disgusting," said the teacher, "I'm sure your father
could have done that."
"Ma'am, I don't know what you teachers do, but on the farm
it has to be a bull."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to three teen burglars in Brandon, Florida So much for stealth. February 27, 2007 - BRANDON, Fla. - ST. Petersburg Times Authorities said a trio trying to open a locked door alerted a sleeping homeowner when one of them rang the doorbell. Homeowner Samuel Sanchez, 35, confronted the burglars about 11:30 a.m. Monday. One of the burglars was still trying to open the door with a pocket knife, Hillsborough County sheriff's deputies said. The men ran, according to the St. Petersburg Times. Deputies arrived moments later and arrested three teen suspects, including one found hiding in a trash bin. They were all charged with attempted burglary. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for sending this picture: =========================================== Thank to Rubye for this story: Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were Sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to The other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of Aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Donutn for this story: A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Karen Re: Hot Keys and Key Codes Dear Webby, I have just learned that to hold alt key and type 167 gives the sign for degree, Ί. Where can I get a list of these shortcuts? Thank you. I enjoy starting my day with you. Karen Dear Karen Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and scroll down a ways. I used to have those files and cheat-sheets spread allo over the site, but have now gathered them all together and put links to them into the toolbox. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 4, 2007 - Huntington, West Virginia - AP Burglars have struck twice at the Guyandotte United Methodist Church but the second time they may have remembered that commandment, the one that goes, "Thou shalt not steal." Thieves first jimmied the church's door locks Monday night and stole about $5,000 worth of sound and office equipment, church treasurer Rocky Frazier said. Then, they broke back in the next night and returned everything. "They taketh and the Lord giveth back," Frazier said Friday. "It's like there's a higher power at work." Whatever the reason, they had a change of heart, said the Rev. Julia Bolling. "It was either that, or our prayer for grace for them," she said. The sound system, keyboard, computer - "It's all back," she said. The only thing the thieves didn't return was about $22 in change, Frazier said. Even though the equipment was returned and no real damage was done, Huntington Police Lt. Rocky Johnson said the investigation remains open. "It's odd that they brought it back," said Johnson, noting that he's never seen anything like this. "I'm glad they did."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Discount Movie Theatres Most areas have at least one movie theatre that runs older movies for cheap prices. All you have to do is wait until the movie has been out a for a few months and it will eventually show up at one of these theatres. Ticket prices can be even less than a matinee.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Suffering from a bad case of the flu, a man phoned his doctor for to get an appointment. When he was told scheduled date of the appointment, he became outraged and bellowed, "Three weeks? The doctor can't see me for three weeks? I could well be dead by then!" Calmly, the receptionist replied, "If so, would you have your wife call to cancel the appointment?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double-take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale. The collector says "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish." And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight stray cats, some of them more than once!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Package Museum http://snipurl.com/1c5qp
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Out Of Memory 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  March 5, 2007
======================================

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea;
but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.
--- Abraham Lincoln

There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste.
--- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

=======================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Back in 1946 the 3 Goldberg brothers, Norman, Hyman, and
Max invented  and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.
On July 17th, 1946, the  temperature in Detroit was 97.
The 3 brothers walked into old man Henry  Ford's office and
sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that 3 gentlemen
were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto
industry since the  electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They
refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking
lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car which
was about 130 degrees,  turned on the air-conditioner and
cooled  the car off immediately.

The old man got very excited and invited them back to the
office, where he offered them 3 million dollars for the patent.
The brothers refused saying they would settle for 2 million
but they wanted the recognition by having a label
"The Goldberg Air-Conditioner" on the dashboard of each
car that it was installed in.

Now old man Ford was more than just a little bit Anti-Semitic,
and there was  no way he was going to put the Goldbergs
name on 2 million Ford cars. They haggled back and forth
for about 2 hours and finally agreed on 4  million dollars and
that just their first names would be shown.

 And so, even today, all Ford air-conditioners show on the
controls, the names "Norm, Hi, & Max".

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Hebronics:
The NYC School Board has officially declared
Jewish-English a second language.  Backers
of the move say the district is the
first in the nation to recognize
Hebronics as the language of many
American Jews.  Look for other cities
to follow suit, notably Miami Beach,
Los Angeles, and Scarsdale.

 In Hebronics:  Questions are always
answered with questions:

Question: "How do you feel?"
Hebronics response: "How should I feel?"

The subject is often placed at the end of a sentence after
a pronoun has been used at the beginning:
"She dances beautifully, that girl."

The sarcastic repetition of words by adding "sh" to the
front    is used for emphasis:
           Mountains becomes "shmountains";
           turtle becomes shmurtle."

These common phrases were translated from "Standard English"
to Hebronics:

English: "He walks slowly"
Hebronics: "Like a fly in the Vaseline he walks."

English: "Sorry, I don't know the time"
Hebronics: "What do I look like, a clock?"

English: "I hope things turn out okay"
Hebronics: "You should BE so lucky!"

English: "I see you're wearing one of the ties I gave you."
Hebronics: "What's the matter, the other tie you didn't like?

English: "Anything can happen."
Hebronics: "Things are never so bad that they can't get worse"

English: "May I take your plate sir?"
Hebronics: "You've hardly touched your food.
         What's the matter, something's wrong with it?"

English: "It's been so long since you've called."
Hebronics: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?"

English: "Let's not go skiing"
Hebronics: "Mountains, shmountains!
               Do I look like a sled to you?

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an Apprentice Chef in Austria Alpine Shark March 3, 2007 - Linz, Austria - AP Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water -- well, it is, actually. A mystery triggered this week by the bizarre discovery of the carcass of a 3-foot-long shark in a freshwater river in northern Austria ended Saturday when a man confessed he had put it there as a joke. The prankster, an apprentice chef working at a hotel in the province of Upper Austria, told the newspaper Oesterreich that he put the dead shark in the river Voeckla after it began to smell while he was thawing it out for a buffet. Its discovery on the riverbank earlier this week caused a stir, with Austrian experts hard-pressed to explain what a shark was doing in a freshwater stream in the landlocked alpine country. The chef, whose name was not released, told the newspaper that several regular customers were in on the joke and had placed bets on how long they could keep the controversy going. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: =========================================== Thanks to Rolly for this story: A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that most Germans would speak English. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he had gone, an American woman in the compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German. "No," I confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train, going in the wrong direction." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Dang...I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Dang...... Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the police. So don't send them. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tom Re: Out of memory Dear Webby, I got a message saying my computer was out of memory. I have a Dell that is about four years old. Is this something I can fix, or do I need to take it in? Thank you, Tom Dear Tom "Out of memory" translates to "Windows screwed up the memory management" It has absolutely nothing to do with your machine's RAM. Just run CrapCleaner, and it should be fine. If necessary, reboot after running CrapCleaner. You can get CrapCleaner free from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 2, 2007 - Port Lucie, Florida - AP Police are looking for a would-be robber who lowered his demands after his victim pulled a box cutter. Police said a woman called 911 from a Port St. Lucie 7-11 early Wednesday morning, claiming a man had tried to rob her. She told police he approached her with one arm behind his back while she was putting air in her tires. He told the woman that he had a shot gun and demanded that she give him $100. Police said the woman pulled a box cutter from her pocket and threatened to cut his throat. That's when he dropped his demand to $50. She still refused, and the man ran off. Police believe the same man robbed a nearby Hess station only a short time earlier. Armed with a stick, he had stolen a 12-pack of Bud Light bottles and an 18-pack of Bud Light cans.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Start a Coupon Swap
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
My sister called. Said she went to the Marshall Field's department store to check out the bridal registry for me so that I could send a gift for one of our nieces, whose wedding was coming up soon. My sister returned from the store, tossed the gift list on the table, called me on the phone and declared, "I think she's too young to get married." "Why do you say that?" I asked. "Because," said Sis, "they've registered for Nintendo games." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, "He doesn't like men." "Perfect," my sister-in-law thought and took the dog. Then one day she was approached by two men in a parking lot, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react. Soon it became clear that the trainer wasn't kidding. As the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Rainbow Bridge http://www.nps.gov/rabr
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: CheckDisk 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  March 4, 2007
======================================

"I can't do it" never yet accomplished anything.
"I will try" has accomplished wonders.
--- George P. Burnham

=======================================

A new hair salon opened up for business right across the
street from the old established hair cutters' place.
They put up a big bold sign which read:
"WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!"

Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own
sign:

"WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS"

======================================

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Lilly for this story:
10 days after my one-year-old's photo shoot, I returned to the
studio to view the pictures on a color monitor.

The photographer started describing the merits of each photo,
but as he went through the set, he spoke so quickly that I
couldn't get a word in as he pressed home his sales pitch.

Finally, after we'd seen all 20 poses, he asked me which ones
I was most interested in.

"None," I replied.  "This isn't my child."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Marathon gas station in Hobart, Indiana Watery gasoline March 1, 2007 - Hobart, Indiana - AP Jeffrey Crane got something unexpected when he stopped to gas up his pickup truck _ a tank full of water. Crane, who filled up at a Marathon Station in Hobart on Saturday, had his pickup towed to a repair shop when it failed to start Monday. He was surprised to discover what the problem was. "I have a tank full of water," Crane said. Ahmad Mochtar, owner of the Marathon station, said a cracked seal on a mechanical probe allowed ground water to seep into the northwest Indiana station's gasoline supply late Saturday. "It was an accident. It was beyond our control," Mochtar said. Crane said he's upset because the station failed to issue a general warning about the problem fuel. "They only told people who came back to the station. That's not being responsible," he said. Mochtar said affected customers are being directed to the station's insurance company. "We're not trying to give anybody a hard time," he said. "We've been in Hobart five years. We have competitive prices and a good relationship with our customers." Crane is awaiting a payment from Mochtar's insurance company. -------------------------------------- Sounds more like Ahmad was too lazy to check for accumulated condensation water and too cheap to throw in a few bottlles of gas line antifreeze to absorb it. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to Bonnie for sending this picture: =========================================== Additional Bonehead report sent in by Cookie: http://snipurl.com/1bz53 Boneheads from the Illinois Government harrassed David Wetzel, 79 and his wife Eileen about stretching the Diesel they use in their '86 Volkswagen to put-put around town with used french-fry oil. The couple, who live on a fixed budget, have been asked to post a $2,500 bond and threatened with felony charges and up to five years in prison. David Wetzel, who has been exhibiting his car at energy fairs and universities, views state policies as contradicting stated government aims. "You hear the president saying we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil," Wetzel said. "You hear the governor saying that." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Mary for this story: I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that. "Why?" "Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs." At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, "Um, it's on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." "Oh." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "I get it!!!!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: Checkdisk Dear Webby, I have a situation I hope you may be able to help me with. I have on the bottom of my screen a message saying:: GD Notifier:Google Desktop Display.exe-Corrupt File Corrupt and Unreadable. It wants me to run chkdsk utility and it shows a yellow triangle with an exclamation sign in it. How do I do this? Should I go into the Control Panel and delete Google altogether and download it again or what should I do? I don't know where to find check disk utility. I'm supposing that's what it stands for. Thank you Helmut, Chris Dear Chris Yes, first I would un-install that notifier. It's corrupt anyway because it got fragmented too much and some fragment was parked onto a bad spot on the hard drive. When Windows asks for a Checkdisk, it basically admits that it has lost some of it's marbles somewhere on your hard drive, and that it's file index is haywire. To prevent that from ever happening, I have for many years recommended DisKeeper and even donated a prime spot for it in the left side menu of the Humor letter. The Checkdisk that comes with Windows does some of the stuff that DisKeeper does, but not all. To run Checkdisk, close all programs, hold down the Windows key and type R Then type this into the little input field: cmd that brings up a DOS shell. Into that type chkdsk /F and hit Enter. When Checkdisk runs, it will tell you that it can't really fix anything while Windows is mucking around, and it asks you if you want it to run after the next reboot, before Windows claims ownership of the file system. Tell it: Yes Then reboot. chkdsk is an ancient DOS command and it does the best it can. However, I would highly recommend that you get DisKeeper soon, and maybe even consider putting some money away for a new hard drive. Until then, try to keep 20% of the drive free and back up anything that you would miss if you lost it. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 1, 2007 - Norwich, New York - AP An upstate New York man can thank his pet cat for alerting him to a house fire as his dog snoozed nearby. The cat is being credited with waking up Edward Rooney after a fire started in his North Norwich home. Fire officials say Rooney was asleep on a living room couch Tuesday morning when the frisky cat awoke him. Rooney discovered the fire in a bedroom and called the fire department. He was treated for smoke inhalation; the pets weren't hurt. Investigators say the blaze was caused by an electrical malfunction in a VCR.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Start a Coupon Swap Ask your local library if you can start a coupon exchange. Coupons can be kept in envelopes by subject with this simple rule: "Any time you take coupon, leave a coupon with similar value behind." Once a month, go through all the envelopes and discard the expired coupons. In most areas local service clubs sell coupon books for fundraisers. A lot of the coupons in those books won't do you any good directly, however, they are perfectly good for coupon swaps. Swap a $20 discount on a new window for a $20 discount on furnace and duct cleaning, etc. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; while his hobby was golf. The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, 'Fore!' His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, 'Four Fifty!' =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? For pete's sakes, get out there and sell him a houseboat!" ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: IE7 Filters 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  March 3, 2007
======================================

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man
and ultimately defeat him.
--- Russell Baker

Management is doing things right;
leadership is doing the right things.
--- Peter Drucker

=======================================

Thanks to Trevor for this:

According to Thomas Cook in the UK some holidaymakers
are just never satisfied. Here are the top ten most bizarre and
genuine customer complaints received by the firm in recent
years:

1 On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find
that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like
spicy food at all.

2 The beach was too sandy.

3 I bought a snorkel and swimming mask for my six-year-old
son, but he was too upset to use them as the fish
frightened him.

4 It rained on my birthday.

5 Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The
holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at
other women.

6 I think it should be explained in the brochure that the
local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard
creams or ginger nuts.

7 It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the
afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta'
time - this should be banned.

8 We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five euros (£3.50)
from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.

9 None of the hotel staff was English, and the tea didn't
taste the same as at home.

10 I would like to complain about the price of alcohol in
the resort. It was too cheap and I woke with a hangover
every day.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

80 years after Little Big Horn, an East Coast journalist began
research on George Armstrong Custer. A friend told him that an
Indian that lived through that experience was still living and
furthermore remembered EVERY event of his long life.

The journalist visited Chief Big Eagle, who now lived in a small
town in Pennsylvania. When he arrived and stated his purpose,
the Chief agreed to answer his questions.

"On what day of the week did the event take place? "
"Wednesday"
"What was Custer wearing?"
"Black uniform.. ceremony sword.. old hat"
"What did Custer eat for breakfast?"
"Eggs"

The journalist was skeptical and figured anyone could make up
these answers. He left, and never published his article.

Ten years later, the journalist was by coincidence driving through
the same small town, and decided to see if the old Chief was
still living. To his surprise, he was. As the journalist walked in he
raised his hand in the air and said, "How!"

"Over easy, with potatoes on the side," said the chief.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Swiss paper Sonntags Zeitung Donaed ad to con artist March 1, 2007 - Zurich, Switzerland - AP Some people will do anything to appear in the papers. But few have the audacity of a man in Switzerland, who conned one of the country's biggest media companies into publishing a two-page ad he created of himself posing semi-naked beside a bottle of Gucci perfume. The man, who claimed to represent the Italian fashion giant, called up the Swiss weekly SonntagsZeitung last week to book the expensive color spread in Sunday's edition, a spokesman for the paper said. Christoph Zimmer told The Associated Press on Tuesday that the man asked for the 60,000-Swiss-franc (about $50,000) bill to be sent to Gucci. "We've spoken to Gucci and apologized for the mistake," Zimmer said. "We're going to try and get the money back from this guy, but we don't rate our chances." The Milan, Italy-based Gucci could not be reached for comment. (They were probably laughing too hard about the free ad.) Zimmer said the paper fell for the scam because the call arrived too late for the advertising department to check whether it was genuine. It wasn't the first time that the mysterious model — a dark, handsome man appearing to be in his late 20s — tried to sneak his way into the limelight. According to the Zurich-based daily Blick, the man attempted to book concert venues by passing himself off as Puerto Rican singer Chayanne. The paper said it narrowly avoided also being conned, but was tipped of the hoax by record company Sony BMG, which represents Chayanne. The man is under investigation for alleged fraud, said Meinrad Stoecklin, a spokesman for police in the canton (state) of Basel. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== =========================================== Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them? ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. "America," the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded, "She's not from the States." "'Yes, I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked, "Is he your husband?" "Yes," she replied. Turning to the husband, he offered, "I'll give you 100 camels for her." The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, " She's not for sale." After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how I'd get 100 camels back home." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Karen Re: IE7 filters Dear Webby, Mornin' You recently replied to a lady about ie7...she couldn't view pics due to the filters. I dutifly printed it out because I just "upgraded?" to ie7. I promptly lost it. Would you please tell me how to 'undue' the filters because I am now having a problem. Thanks Karen Dear Karen I think you got me mixed up with somebody else. All I ever recommended regarding IE7 was to NOT install it and how to get the IE7 blocker from Microsoft. I followed my own advice. All I know about IE7 is that people, who installed it anyway, have problems. Maybe a reader knows what IE7 filters you refer to and how to fix them. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 1, 2007 - Ananova Dogs are being trained to use cash machines for their disabled owners. They insert and withdraw cards at ATMs to help owners in wheelchairs who are not able to reach. A spokesman for charity Canine Partners, which trains the dogs, said: "They put in the card and take it out and take out the money and give it to the person in the wheelchair. "They can't put in the Pin but a person in a wheelchair can go sideways on and do that." Up to 30 dogs are trained each year and the charity is hoping to double that figure next year. It takes two years to train them, in which time they also learn to load the washing and pick up items from shop shelves. The cash machine scheme was started by chance when Gulf War veteran Allen Parton was at a cash machine with his Labrador Endal. Wheelchair-bound Mr. Parton was struggling to retrieve his cash when Endal jumped up to reach for the card, money and receipt with his mouth. He said: "It was amazing, as he had never been taught to do this."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Composting Kitchen Scraps Composting is a great way to get amazing soil for your garden and keep some trash out of the landfill. To compost waste quickly you need a good balance of nitrogen and carbon. Yard waste tends to be high in carbon while kitchen scraps tend to be high in nitrogen.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Doug L sends this re Chuck's story about Pizza in the woods: http://www.recipezaar.com/111734 =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== Rodney wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Rodney looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Rodney asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Rodney asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, "Lady leave me alone, I'm married'!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Canterbury http://tinyurl.com/2lfys5
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: ClickBook font sizes 


Good Morning,   !
Friday,  March 2, 2007
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!
======================================

Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.
--- Lane Olinghouse

We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled
by Frankenstein logic.
--- David Russell

=======================================

Thanks to Martin for this story:

 Three men were sitting together bragging about how they
had given their new wives duties.

 The first man had married a woman from Connecticut.
He bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do
all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their
house.  He said that it took a couple days but on the third
day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were
all washed and put away.

 The second man had married a woman from Iowa.
He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was
to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking.  He told them
that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next
day it was better.  By the third day, his house was
clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on
the table.

 The third man had married a Georgia girl.  He boasted
that he told her that her duties were to keep the house
cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and
hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything ...
The second day he didn't see anything, but by the third
day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see
a little out of his left eye.  Enough to fix himself a bite
to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Laura's husband, Ron, was called into his bank to discuss
his accounts.

"Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated.
"Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue."

"Yes, I know." said Ron. "It's my wife Laura, she is out of
control."

"Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you
have?" asked the banker.

"Frankly," replied Ron with a deep sigh, "because I'd
rather argue with you than with her."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Thomas Mulkerin, 46 of Fayettville, NC Back to his "other" residence FAYETTEVILLE, N.C. Feb 28, 2007 (AP)— A man charged with robbing a bank, for the second time since 2005, tried to show police the loot, but discovered he had been robbed, Fayetteville police said. Joseph Thomas Mulkerin, 46, was arrested at a Bragg Boulevard motel Tuesday and charged with common law robbery of $2,179 from the Wachovia branch on Green Street, said police spokeswoman Jamie Smith. He had been released from prison Jan. 11 after serving a sentence for the 2005 robbery of the same bank, in which he pleaded guilty to taking $1,098. Mulkerin went to his motel room to show officers the money, but discovered some missing. Police later charged motel maintenance man David Mims, 49, with breaking into the room and taking some of the cash, Smith said. ===========================================
Need some unique FEBRUARY cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards FEBRUARY
=========================================== Thanks to Roberta sending this picture that her daughter Kathleen took of Kodi. Kodi in blue snow. =========================================== Thanks to mary for this story: A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful." Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute." The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now "cute." She asked, "What happened to beautiful?" The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this report: The following are real statements found on insurance claim forms. Drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident succinctly. * Coming home, I drove into wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. * I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my head through it. * The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. * The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. * I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. * In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. * I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision, and I did not see the other car. * The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end. * I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in the ditch by some stray cows. from * The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. * I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. * I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. * As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian. * My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle. * An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished. * I told the police that I was not injured, but upon removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull. * I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the curb when I struck him. * The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Toby Re: Clickbook Dear Webby, Have some questions about ClickBook printing. When I print the type size is so small I can hardly read it, and when I go to No Scaling, all the sentence is not printed. I cannot find any information on CB help. I know this will reduce the paper saving option, but it will be printed in a more favorable format. Thanks for your daily read. Keep up the good work. Toby Dear Toby Definitely don't use "No Scaling" ! I normally use Side-by-side, folded. Most e-books are formatted so that they wind up with the same font size as regular, store-bought paperback books when printed with ClickBook. (all the Pro's use it.) It has been quite a few years since I had to rip and reformat an e-book. If it is your own writing, for e-books (and anything that is to be printed front and back 4 pages per sheet), use font size 14. Arial, Tahoma and Verdana are the easiest readable fonts. Right now my printer is just a-rocking on the slightly flexible snack cart, that it sits on, printing out an 88 page e-book on 22 sheets of paper. Quite readable even though I had left the printer in ink-saving and fast print mode. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 28, 2007 - BRIGANTINE, N.J. - AP A city worker was awarded $660,000 over claims he was unfairly punished after reporting that fellow employees were shooting pigeons for fun on department grounds. William M. Lakes, 46, who worked for the Department of Public Works, reported the pigeon shooting to the Occupational Safety and Health Administration in 2003. A local radio station later reported that police were investigating the shootings. According to the Press of Atlantic City, Lakes's supervisors then held a meeting and offered amnesty to anyone who came forward with information about the bird shootings. Lakes said after he told supervisors what he knew, he was harassed and shunned by co-workers and later demoted. Lakes said he felt vindicated by the jury's award. "I feel there are other people that work there that have been wronged and are afraid to stand up for themselves," Lakes told the newspaper from his Galloway Township home on Tuesday. Brigantine City Manager James Barber called the jury's decision a "mistake" and said the city will try to have it corrected.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Travel Toiletries Save the travel shampoo and lotions that you get at hotels. If you travel in the future, you will have some travel sized toiletries ready. When you have used up the lotion and shampoo, save the bottles to refill for future trips. Be sure to pack these inside a plastic bag to avoid spills. Considering the current security restrictions, it's better to use the fresh ones you get free at the next hotel. If you are backpacking, I recommend the refillable plastic toothpaste tube style containers. They are soft and unbreakable and can be used for anything from jam to ketchup, and also dish-soap and toiletries, even dry ingredients. They are usually made from a clear or nearly clear plastic. So that you don't mix up similar looking contents and grab the one with laundry soap instead of the one with coffee creamer, you can write on them with a Mark-All. Have FUN Dear Webby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Chuck for this story: I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if pizzas lived in the woods." __________________________________________
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog You can enter comments in the blog!
======================================== A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- have you never seen a kid before?" ========================================
Thanks to Trish for this Bonus Link: Animal Love Story http://snipurl.com/1bsyi
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Vista or XP 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  March 1, 2007
======================================

Thanks to Shirley for sending this quote:
No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the
brain is entirely fat. Without a brain you might look good,
but all you could run for is public office.
--- Covert Bailey (fitness expert)

A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.
---- Granville Hicks


I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to
tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.
--- Samuel Goldwyn

=======================================

Thanks to Connie for this story:
Two Swedes from Minnesota are sittin' in a boat on
Dead Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a
sudden Sven says, "I tink I'm going to divorce my wife.
She hasn't spoken to me in over six months."

Ole sips his beer and says, "You better tink it over.
Women like that are hard to find."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to SeaBaby for this story:
One day at kindergarten a Teacher said to the class of
5-year-olds, "I'll give $10 to the child who can tell me who
was the most famous man who ever lived."

A little Irish boy put his hand up and said,
"It was St. Patrick."
The Teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct."

Then a little Scottish boy put his hand up and said,
"It was St. Andrew."
The Teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right
either."

Finally, a little Jewish boy raised his hand and said,
"It was Jesus Christ."

The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin.
Come up here and I'll give you the $10."

As the Teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said,
"You know, Marvin,  since you're Jewish, I was very
surprised you said 'Jesus Christ'."

Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart, I knew it was Moses,
but business is business".

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Israeli opposition newspapers Dim View February 23, 2007 - Israel - Ananova Israeli newspapers published pictures of Defense Minister Amir Peretz watching military maneuvers through binoculars - with the lens caps still on. Mr. Peretz was inspecting troops in the Golan Heights with the Israeli army's new chief of staff, Gen Gabi Ashkenazi. According to the photographer, Mr. Peretz looked through the capped binoculars three times, nodding as Gen Ashkenazi explained what was in view. But one Israeli paper pointed out that he is not the first prominent official to make this mistake. According to daily Yediot Ahronot, President Bush and former Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon have both done the same thing. Unlike Bush, who was using heavy 15 pound NVDs (Night Vision Devices) beside the manicured hedges of the White House in a picture that AOLers forwarded ad nauseam in 2001, Peretz appers to be using regular tourist type binoculars. NVDs are used with day-caps from dusk to dawn, because those $4000 devices would burn out in bright daylight. The day-caps are not completely opaque, but let about the same amount of light through in daylight as there would be without the day-caps at night. That light, mostly infrared, is then amplified and shows as shades of green. NVDs with day-caps Tourist binoculars with caps ===========================================
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=========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Elsie for this story: While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class almost 50 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1953." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?" ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Roland for this story: When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde." "Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things." My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Winnie Re: VISTA Dear Webby, I am going to buy a new computer for myself, and let hubby have mine. He is getting more computer literate and demands more time on it. Would you recommend VISTA or is it really as bad as most people seem to think? I have a hunch that some of them are just afraid of change. Winnie Dear Winnie Stay with XP for now. Even though you can network a Vista and an XP machine together, it will be easier teaching your hubby if both of you use the same OS. Also, except for the cutesy decorations, Vista does not seem to be quite finished yet. As far as I am concerned, it will probably be quite safe to skip Vista and wait for the next OS. At the very least, I would wait until the second version comes out next year. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos February 26, 2007 - Washington, DC - AP The complex science of DNA analysis is now helping protect elephants by showing police and conservationists the source of black-market ivory. The price of ivory has nearly quadrupled in recent years, prompting poachers to kill more elephants to sell their tusks illegally. Protecting the giant beasts is complicated by the fact they spread across large parts of Africa and authorities are unsure where the illegal hunting is occurring. But the seizure of more than six tons of ivory in Singapore in 2002 has helped solve part of that puzzle, according to a report by Samuel K. Wasser of the Center for Conservation Biology at the University of Washington in this week's online edition of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Wasser and colleagues took samples of the confiscated ivory and compared it with baseline DNA collected from elephants across the continent over several years. The comparison showed that the tusks seized from the black market came from elephants on Africa's broad savannas, primarily from a small area of southern Africa, most likely centered on Zambia, the researchers said. Authorities had suspected the confiscated ivory had multiple origins, the researchers said, but ''our results caused law enforcement to substantially narrow the area of origin and the trade routes being investigated.'' The research was funded by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, African Elephant Conservation Fund, the International Fund for Animal Welfare, the Gordon and Betty Moore Foundation and the Center for Conservation Biology.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 2empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Aluminum Cookware To clean a stained aluminum pan, fill it with water, add 1-2 tablespoons of cream of tartar. Bring the water to a boil for 5 minutes, then turn off the heat and let it simmer for a few minutes. It often returns the aluminum to its original color.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Dave for this story: The band was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The high schoolers, eager to get ready for the first football game, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Little Johnny, could stand it no more. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its fate. "Is it a bee?" Another student asked. "Nope," Johnny replied. "B-flat." __________________________________________
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======================================== On a clear day Greg was ploughing a field, behind a horse, with no trousers on. He was noticed by a passing bicycler stopped and asked: "Sir" he said "I couldn't help but notice that you are ploughing with out any trousers on, can you tell me why?' "Well it's like this" said Greg. "I ploughed the paddock over there yesterday, without my scarf on and I got a stiff neck. But this is all the wife's idea" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: New Guinea Wildlife http://tinyurl.com/28wkuc
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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