Dear Webby, can I rejuvenate an old laptop? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  March 31, 2009


For most men life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to get themselves filed. --- Clifton Fadiman Celebration of your achievement is as important as your achievement because success builds on success. --- John Powers
A teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah's Ark, so the teacher decided to get her small pupils involved by playing a game in which they identified animals. "I'm going to describe something to you. Let's see if you can guess what it is. First: I'm furry with a bushy tail and I like to climb trees." The children looked at her blankly. "I also like to eat nuts, especially acorns." No response. This wasn't going well at all! Finally a kid volunteered: "Well, I know the answer has to be Jesus -- but you sure sound like a squirrel to me!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Home Again
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Craig Allard, 38, of Westbrook, Maine Fatal escape into traffic YORK, Maine -- A 38-year-old Westbrook man has died after he fled from police while in handcuffs and ran into traffic on the Maine Turnpike. Maine State Police said Craig Allard was pulled over in York on a routine traffic stop at about 1:30 p.m. Saturday. Spokesman Steve McCausland told the Portsmouth Herald that Allard was handcuffed and placed in the police cruiser after the trooper found a suspected package of heroin in Allard's car. McCausland said Allard was hit by the side mirror of a box truck after he ran into a turnpike travel lane as he was being moved from the cruiser's back seat to the front seat so he could have Craig Allard more leg room. Allard was taken to Maine Medical Center in Portland, where a spokeswoman confirmed his death. Allard's name showed up on a Dec 6/08 heroin arrest, and he has drug related conviction records in at least three other states.
I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM bank machine over there."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mickey Re: Old laptop Dear Webby I crunched the screen on my newish laptop and have to fall back onto my old one. I retired it a few years ago, because it had gotten too slow and eventually became rather fussy about starting up at all. Is it worth trying to re-install, and if so, how do I do it? I do have all the disks that came with it in a ziplock bag. It is a 2001 or 2002 Toshiba Satellite. Thanks Mickey Dear Mickey Chances are that your old laptop will work just as fast as the day you bought it, if you do a re-install. Find the three CDs labeled Recovery. They SHOULD be named "Nuke all and start from scratch", but they call them Recovery. Put the first one into the CD drive. Start the laptop and keep hitting ESC and F1. That lets you into the scary black and white BIOS. In there, the mouse does not work. You move around with arrow keys, and you change stuff with the space bar. Change the boot sequence so that CD is the first opton. Then hit END to accept and save the changes. After that, the CD should start whirring, and a scary grey on black message tells you that you will lose everything if you continue. Hit C to continue. Then it will do a deep format, nuking everything. That may take hours. Just ignore it and let it do it's thing. After a couple of hours touch an arrow key, and you will get a message to insert the second CD. Do that and hit Enter. A while later it will ask for the third CD. Eventually, you will wind up with a virgin Windows XP. In the meantime, plug in the cable from the modem or router. At the end of the installation it will offer to register the machine and Windows. By all means let it register Windows. In the process it sets up your network connection without any fuss at all (if you have DSL or are on a router). Next, browse to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and grab the SP3 blocker and the IE7 blocker. SP3 would most likely kill that old laptop. Mess around with those two blockers until you are 100% sure that they are installed, not just downloaded! Then go into Settings, ADD/Remove programs and dump AOL, ATT, and Norton. They are all as old as the laptop and rather useless. Windows will complain that you have no protection and show a link to a page with over a dozen anti virus programs. Chose your favorite one and get it. After you have installed it, it is safe to let Windows do an update. There are many ways to do that, but the easiest is probably to hit HELP and look for Windows Update. It has the links you need in the search results. Set the auto-update to just notify. Then let it update from 2002 to 2009. That takes a couple hours or more. In the meantime you can customize your desktop, download Firefox, and get all the important utilities from my tool box. That's all there is to it. It is tedious and time consuming, but not difficult, if you do it in this sequence. Have FUN! DearWebby
During a phone conversation, my nephew mentioned that he was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," he replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next year."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Coffee Filter for Potting You can use a paper coffee filter to put in a flower pot to cover the hole, before putting the soil in. It keeps the soil from running out when being watered. By Gracie Pie from Astor, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Joe: Why don't you play golf with Bob any more? Mike: Would you play with someone who curses after each shot, cheats in the bunkers and enters false scores on his card? Joe: No! Mike: Neither will Bob.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lake Superior
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 149 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1592 )
Dear Webby: Weird Yahoo email formatting 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  March 30, 2009


I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. --- Thomas Jefferson The future is here. It's just not widely distributed yet. --- William Gibson
After being away on business, Clarence McDougal thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume fer me lass at home?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. "That is a wee bit much," said Clarence. So the clerk returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still a wee bit much," Clarence groused. Growing annoyed, the cosmetics clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 sample bottle. "What I mean," said Clarence, "is I would like to see something really cheap." So the clerk handed him a mirror.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

I don't normally tell blonde jokes, but this one was sent to me by a beautiful blonde lady who obviously must know which jokes are OK, and which ones go too far. ------------ A plane is on its way on a non-stop flight from Los Angeles to New York when a blonde in coach gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down. The stewardess watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for coach and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm staying right here!" The stewardess goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blond bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in coach and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for coach, she will have to leave first class and return to her seat in coach. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm staying right here!" The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason. The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I have learned to speak blonde!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the coach section. The stewardess and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. "I told her first class wasn't going to New York.
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: EllisIs land Immigration Museum NYC
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jerome Blanchett, 19, in Harrisurg, Pennsylvania Dumb robber picks police summit Jerome Blanchett, 19 in Pennsylvania accused of a robbery at a narcotics police convention has been described as probably the state’s dumbest criminal. Retired police chief John Comparetto was attending the meeting of 300 officers when he was held up at gunpoint in the men’s toilets. He handed over money and a phone but then he and some colleagues gave chase as the suspect tried to flee in a taxi. They arrested a 19-year-old man over the incident near Harrisburg. Blanchett, who is awaiting trial on four previous robbery charges, was arraigned on new robbery charges along with charges of making terroristic threats, reckless endangerment, simple assault, carrying a firearm without a license and illegally possessing a firearm. His bail was set at $1 million. The 19-year-old Blanchett is the proud owner of an extensive criminal history; one that includes 10 previous felony convictions.
Little Johnny went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" Johnny's father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann S Re: No content in Yahoo mail Dear Webby, Everything is blank until I hit reply and I can read the jokes. What is wrong? It came on my email as spam and I hit the no spam key and since then it comes to my email but nothing is on it. Ann S Dear Ann From what I hear, that is just a Yahoo "feature". You DO get the content, but Yahoo trashes the formatting, until it looks like you are going to show others, how incompetent they are at Yahoo. Then they suddenly behave. There may be a setting in your Yahoo mail to get around that, but it seems to be secret. You just have to get used to that Yahoo "feature". Have FUN! DearWebby
There's a little boy at school and asks the teacher if he can go to the washroom. "Okay" says the teacher. "But first you've got to say the alphabet." They boy says the alphabet: "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z." "What happened to the 'p'?" asked the teacher. "It's leaking out of my boots now."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. Greetings Empress: Thank you for the quick, detailed answer. Due to my lack of computer knowledge; I really need easy detailed help, which you gave.It's like having a friend you never see. Best wishes, Lisa
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com When Moving, Set Up Beds First When moving, the first piece of furniture you want to move into your new house are the beds. Place them in the designated bedrooms, put them together, and make them up. At the end of the day, all you want to think about is a shower, food, and a good night's rest. Other things can wait until the next day. This way you will not have to sleep on the floor or groan about having to make beds when you are so tired. This is very important if you are moving and have children. By Linda from Arlington, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the blazes was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!" I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce, you will have to refill your credit cards yourself. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Contrails
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 213 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1531 )
Dear Webby, how can I recover a lost Windows password? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  March 29, 2009


Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. --- Douglas Casey Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. --- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
Church Bloopers This afternoon, there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. ---- The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Two doctors are walking down the corridor of the hospital. First doc asks, "Did you tell that politician in room 316 that he was going to die?" "Sure did", second one answers. First doc says, "Darn! I wanted to tell him!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Craig Allen Aylesworth, 51 of Bithlo, Florida Man tosses gas bomb in fight, sets own cars ablaze The Associated Press 5:27 p.m. March 27, 2009 BITHLO, Fla. — Authorities said a man threw a Molotov coccktail at his neighbor's trailer, but the wind shifted and set fire to two cars, a pickup and a travel trailer in the man's own yard. The Florida Highway Patrol reported that a 51-year-old man got into a fight with his neighbor on Tuesday night and threw the makeshift gasoline bomb. Authorities believe alcohol may have been involved. The man faces multiple charges, including arson. He was being held at the Orange County Jail. Orlando Sentinel http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/loc ... 4875.story
A nursing home resident, suffering from dementia, decided to shed all of her clothes and "streak." She passed two male residents sitting in their wheel chairs in the hallway. The first male asked the second, "Who was that?" Second: "I THINK it was 'Miss Rita.'" First: "Well, what was that she had on?" Second: "I don't know, but I think it needs ironing."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patricia Re: Need to recover lost Windows password Dear Webby, When it comes to using a computer, a friend of mine is totally jinxed. This morning she tried to log on and Microsoft asked for her password. She put in the latest one and it wouldn't accept it, tried old ones, no good either. Now she can't get into her computer, and doesn't know what to do. Uses XP with Foxfire. I'm wondering if using the start up disc would help? I'm not very computer literate either but at least can come up with a few ideas. This one has me stumped. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. Having fun in sunny Arizona but heading for snowy Michigan soon. Patricia Dear Patricia Tell her to go to a cyber cafe or friend, and print this page: http://webby.com/techtips/lost-XP-password.html It has all the instructions, and they are not telling her to browse anywhere without a password, or buy weird stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two little boys are in a hospital laying on stretchers next to each other outside of the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out, and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!" The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." And the second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. Greetings Empress: Thank you for the quick, detailed answer. Due to my lack of computer knowledge; I really need easy detailed help, which you gave.It's like having a friend you never see. Best wishes, Lisa
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Create an Inventory List for Household Products To cut down on buying items you already have, create an inventory list for the bathroom, kitchen and pantry. Create two columns. Column 1 is to list the items you like to have on hand and column 2 is to check off when you run out of an item. Laminate the sheet of paper and use a dry erase marker to mark the appropriate column. Hang the papers in easily accessible locations that you can remember, like the inside of the medicine cabinet or on the fridge. By Lynn from Oregon Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The Boston Fire Department borrowed a $650,000 fire truck from the manufacturer to try out if it fit under all their bridges. One good high speed run got it nicely wedged under an overpass, causing $75,000 damage to the truck. They hit the overpass so hard that 3 of them were injured. But not to worry. Boston has lots of trucks that are already flattened at the top.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Painting with light
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 214 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 283 )
Dear Webby: AOL censoring 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  March 28, 2009


Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless. --- Thomas A. Edison
Marcy went to her doctor with two very red ears. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered: "I was ironing a shirt and remembered I had to call for a hair appointment. I used the speed dial - but when they answered, instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?" "They called called back to ask what the screaming was all about"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

If you have amnesia and experience deja-vue at the same time, does that mean you feel like you've forgotten this stuff before?
Thanks to my Lillemor for this picture: Start Shoveling!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Neanderthalers in Oakland, CA Neanderthalers claim Genocide Dozens march for Mixon, against police About 60 people marched and rallied in Oakland on Wednesday to condemn the police and honor Lovelle Mixon, who was killed by Oakland police after he fatally shot four officers Saturday. "OPD you can't hide - we charge you with genocide," chanted the demonstrators as they marched along MacArthur Boulevard. , near the intersection with 74th Avenue where Mixon, 26, a fugitive parolee, gunned down two motorcycle officers who had pulled him over in a traffic stop. He killed two more officers who tried to capture him where he was hiding in his sister's apartment nearby. Mixon was suspected in several rapes, including that of a 12-year-old girl, and was wanted on several charges, including parole violation. The protest was organized by the Oakland branch of the Uhuru Movement, whose flyers for the march declared, "Stop Police Terror." Apparently it did not occur to them that sane people consider murdering four police officers as terror, and justification for stopping the killer by any means.
Anni was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?" "Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!" "Oh, that's okay," said Anni from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question." "I object!" the defense said again. "No, really," said Anni. "I'll answer." The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object." So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?" Anni replied brightly, "I don't know. "
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Teresa Re: AOL failure Dear Webby; I have used ActionCat daily for about 8 years until a couple weeks ago. Suddenly I can not access the site from AOL, I can still get there from Internet Explorer but that is a pain. Could you and AOL make up please? Teresa Dear Teresa Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about the bozos at AOL. As you can see, ActionCat does work fine. About all you can do is contact AOL, and tell them that you will move to a respectable ISP, if they don't stop censoring what you want to see. Censoring http://actioncat.com is worse than the censoring that goes on in China. There is absolutely nothing political o Actioncat. By the way, people in China are rebelling against censorship in a humorous way with the Grass Mud Horse. You can read about it at http://cao-ni-ma.com/ and send free Grass Mud Horse postcards at http://cao-ni-ma.com/cards1.html If you have friends in China, send them a card to show your moral support. The cards are free and you don't have to register. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all; money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!" "What happened?" asked the friend. "My wife found out."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Grow Potatoes In Boxes Want to grow potatoes? Lacking the gumption to dig them up? Here's the answer: Boxes. Pick a spot in your yard where you'd like to improve the soil a bit and set out your boxes (at least the size of a 5 gallon bucket). Fill the boxes with dirt and plant your potatoes, remember to water and weed. When it comes time, either break, tear, or dump the dirt from the boxes and pick up the 'taters! By Sarah from Berrien Springs, MI There is an even easier way! Make a high-bed! Instead of paying disposal fees for an old freezer, park it in your garden, paint it with flowers and fill it with compost and dirt. Place your cut potato pieces (-one "eye" per piece-) ON TOP of the dirt. Cover it with an old bed sheet and make it wet. In a few days you will see little mounds where the potatoes have sprouted. Stab the sheet so that the leaves can wiggle through. Water when needed and laugh about the neighbors who have to weed and hill their potatoes. Starting in mid summer you can reach in under the sheet and harvest clean potatoes one meal's worth at a time. In the fall, after the first frost colors the potato foliage, cut it with a machete or large kitchen knife, gather the sheet and cut foliage into a tidy bundle fr the compost, and there you see piles of potatoes waiting for you! I have used this method for many years even in the Yukon. Up there we used concrete rebar hoops and plastic to make a tunnel to extend the short growing season, and always had more potatos than expected. Without bending down! Have FUN! Dear Webby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for while and then said, "You must have been REALLY wicked to turn ALL of grandma's hairs white!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Kerala India Gallery
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 120 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1475 )
Dear Webby, is there a safe compressed air? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  March 27, 2009
Time to wear something red to show your support for the troops!


I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. --- Marshall McLuhan Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose. --- Andy Rooney
Thanks to Frank fro this comparison: Friendship among Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship among Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A man went to get his driver's license renewed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The clerk looked at his picture closely. "It's okay," she reassured the man. "That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway."
Thanks to my Lillemor for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Senior, 26, Illinois Too dumb for a balcony An Illinois man, David Senior, 26, leaned over a 6th floor hotel balcony backwards to show a woman in that room that it was safe to do so. He ended up, instead, showing her how to fall from the 6th floor balcony, onto the concrete ledge 4 stories below, and live. Ta da! "From the conversation we had with people in the room, (Senior) wanted to impress the young ladies," the hotel spokesperson said. "One was concerned about the height, so to sort of tease her he leaned back onto the rail and went over."
The young teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked Bobbie, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 25 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 130 degrees, 15 minutes West longitude...?" After a confused silence Bobbie replied, "I guess you'd be eating alone. That's halfway to Hawaii, and I can't swim."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Amira Re: Safe comprssed air Dear Webby; Which brand of compressed air is safe? I read that some brands contain gases that the kids use to get stoned and often die from. Naturally I don't want those around. Amira Dear Amira None of them are safe, for one reason or another. If you want to be silly and blow dust from one place to another, use a straw and blow into it. If you want to clean up the dust bunnies in and under your computer or clean the cookie crumbs from your keyboard, use a vacuum cleaner. Have FUN! DearWebby
Randy, was on a hunting trip up in West Virginia. He became rather cold and thirsty so decided to stop in at his Mother in law's place and ask for something to drink. She said, "You look really cold, how about a bowl of soup." There was a wee Vietnamese pig running around the kitchen, running up to Randy and giving him a great deal of attention.Randy commented, "That pig sure is friendly." Bill, his father in law replied: "Arnold's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Experimental Decorating With What You Have I have a friend who is relocating for her new job and doesn't want to bring anything with her - or even buy new furniture, as she doesn't know how long she will be there. If I were her, I would use it as a chance to do some cheap experimental decorating. Make a little side table out of a large roll of newspapers tied, with a glass plate on top. Or a pile of old hardback books. Make bottle lamps with converters from the hardware store, wine bottles and thrift shop shades. Use old wood crates for side tables. Make brick and board bookcases. Put your mattress on the floor. Put transparent contact paper on the windows for privacy. Look around for neat found objects. (I had a big piece of wood I dragged in from a camping trip in the big living room of my old NYC apt. Or collect neat river stones or shells). Make a footstool from a foam cooler covered with a remnant. Make wastepaper baskets from recycled ice cream cardboard containers wangled from your local ice cream place. Recycle any and all containers you can. Be creative! By Pamphyila from L.A., CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A study conducted by the American Psychiatric Association (ASA) today showed that over 40% of the practicing psychiatrists in the U.S. were themselves receiving psychiatric treatment of some kind. A spokeswoman for the ASA said the public should not be concerned, as the remainder were undergoing intensive drug-therapy. ----- You gotta be nuts to go see a shrink!
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Canadian Maple Syrup
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 184 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1538 )
Dear Webby: Foreign spam 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  March 26, 2009


America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up. --- Oscar Wilde Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them. --- Robertson Davies
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening worship service and was startled to find an intruder in her house. Catching the man in the act of burglarizing her home, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven). As the burglar stopped dead in his tracks, the woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. Shortly, several officers arrived and took the man into custody. As he was placing the handcuffs on the burglar, one of the officers asked "Why did you just stand there? Was it her a Bible quote ?" "Bible Quote???" replied the burglar. "She said she had an AXE and TWO 38's!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Some people's appliances!! A Wales woman in Llanelli, Dyfed had to call emergency services from her mobile phone when her washing machine pinned her against the sink. In a slick move, the machine, running on vibrations, slowly slid across the kitchen floor until it completed its destiny and she was pinned for the count. And what says the washing machine? It wouldn't respond to reporter's questions because it was feeling drained. The machine is not likely to repeat the behavior because it was probably just a cycle it was going through.
Thanks to my Dad for this picture: This one bloomed today
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Jones, 43, from Doncaster, England TomTom-foolery A South Yorkshire motorist was charged with careless driving after he nearly followed his sat nav over the edge of a cliff. Robert Jones, 43, from Doncaster, followed the device as he headed for a friend's house even when it began taking him up a steep, rocky footpath. He finally realised something was seriously wrong when his BMW hit a fence just inches from a 100ft drop, reports the Daily Mirror. Mr Jones said: "I just trusted the sat nav. It kept insisting that the path was a road even as it was getting narrower and steeper. "I rely on my sat nav, I couldn't do without it for my job. I guess I'm lucky the car didn't slip all the way over the edge. But it has been a bit of a nightmare." It took nine hours for a recovery team to haul the BMW away from the cliff edge in Todmorden, West Yorkshire. The rescue operation attracted a large crowd of astonished locals. Police confirmed Mr Jones had been charged. A spokesman said: "Nobody was hurt. But when someone nearly drives off a cliff that shows a lack of care which needs to be investigated."
Pierre from Montreal was in a hotel in Edmonton and phoned room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Noose pepper!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ed Re: Foreign Spam Dear Webby; I get loads of spam from around the World every day offering millions of dollars if I send them my personal information. (If I accept two more checks, I'll be richer than Bill Gates!) As soon as I see a foreign country mentioned, I delete it. BUT... is there a way of automatically blocking these sites before they get to my screen? Hating to waste all those electrons, Ed Dear Ed I use MailWasher. MailWasher does a good job of keeping that kind of stuff out, or at least flagging it for deletion. If I had to look at every piece of mail sent to my addresses, I would not get any work done at all. Have FUN! DearWebby
(This one you have to read out loud) "Information? I need the number for Caseway Trasnport." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Healthy Living Tips To Keep Weight Off I've been slim for about 10 years (of course with a few ups and downs!) and have just realized that there are a lot of things I have been doing over the years automatically to help keep my weight down. I don't exercise but I do try to walk places and go up stairs when I can. My food eating habits are what really changed. Here are a few suggestions: * Cut Out Dairy (or Cut Down) * Eat High Cocoa Content Dark Chocolate * Make Your Own Popcorn Bags * Eat More During The Day And Less At Night By Lisa from Halifax, NS Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The basketball coach stormed into the University President's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college President, "you already make more than the entire History department." "Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look, I'll Give you an example." The coach went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered. Three minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. "You're not there, sir," he reported. "Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the University President, scratching his head. "I would have phoned first."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Weather calculator
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 171 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 310 )
Dear Webby: AOL problems getting worse 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  March 25, 2009


Trying is lying. There is no such thing as trying. You do it or you don't. You get results in life or you have excuses why you didn't. When people say, 'I'll try,' they usually mean, 'I'm not going to do it now.' --- Dick Sutphen
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said. "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled. "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper," he said. "I meant the next baby!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

"How long will it take to pull my tooth?" The patient asked the dentist. "Only two seconds" "How much will it cost?" "Fifty dollars." "For only two seconds of work?" "Well," The dentist answered coolly, "I can pull it very, very slowly and make it last an hour if you prefer."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Seasonally confused Amaryllis
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $3.99 for a $2 item that she doesn't want, but that is on sale.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a bunch of robbers in Milwaukee, Washington Counterfeit money for buying fake drugs from cops ERWIN, Tenn. - A man was been arrested after police said he used counterfeit money to purchase fake OxyContin pills from an undercover officer. Unicoi County Sheriff's deputies arrested a 21-year-old man on Tuesday and charged him with criminal conspiracy with schedule II drugs, forgery and criminal simulation. Investigator Frank Rogers said the officer met with several people at a mobile home park and arranged for the suspect and another man to come to Unicoi to buy 76 OxyContin pills for $4,875. Officers said it was "obviously bad money" with some bills printed on just one side.
A woman marries a man expecting to change him. He doesn't change.. A man marries a woman hoping that she won't change but she always does.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Erina Re: AOL problem Dear Webby; I know you are sending out the newsletter faithfully every day and I get it fine at work. My mother, though, first for a week didn't see the picture of the day, and now can't even get to your site any more. Yes, she is on AOL, and no matter how much we razz her about that, she won't budge. Is there ANYTHING that she can do to get the newsletter properly or at least not be bloked from your site? Is AOL doing that messing around on purpose? Erina Dear Erina Never assume malice, when routine incompetence can be an adequate explanation. A number of people wrote, that they had contacted AOL "support", but that it was just a waste of time. Some graduated from AOL and instantly got full and proper access to any place they wanted to go to, others are hoping that AOL will fix their problem soon. Have FUN! DearWebby
A women goes to her boyfriends parents house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriends father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Great!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "dad gomit Ginger, get away from her before you stink like her!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baby Wipes for Quick Bathroom Cleanup I keep a box of inexpensive baby wipes (odor free) in my bathroom. I not only use them for quick cleaning of my face or hands, but I use them often to quickly wipe up a dirty sink or bathtub, around my toilet, on the lid or toilet seat and even use them to wipe up chrome faucets. If I use one on the bathroom sink I use it on the chrome too and if it isn't 'used-up' yet I will keep it handy to use again for quick wipe-ups. I find they are good throughout the house to wipe around windows, use on window blinds, etc. The uses are endless. By Karen from Davis, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

To get acquainted with his new Parish, the Priest decided to call on someone daily. One he selected was a young widow, her husband, according to the index card, had died two years ago. After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady with a baby in her arms. He said, "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was looking for the widow Laffitte." "You've found her Father." smiled the lady. "Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died over two years ago." he said glancing at the baby in her arms. "That's correct Father, he surely did... but I didn't."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Ancient Egypt
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 228 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1476 )
Dear Webby: AOL not showing pictures 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  March 24, 2009


I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. --- Dorothy Parker
The pastor was doing is weekly "children's message" with the children gathered around him down front. He was talking to the youngsters on their level about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?" "Heaven!" one of the girls cried out enthusiastically. "And what do you have to be to get there?" the preacher asked. "Dead!" yelled one of the boys.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

George and Nancy get along just great, except that she's a "backseat driver" second to none. After years of putting up with her pestering, he finally decided he had enough and advised her that he would no longer drive with her in the car. Later that day, on his way home from doing some shopping at the mall, he heard his cell phone ring, just as he was merging onto a freeway. It was Nancy. By chance, she had entered the freeway right behind George. "Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And put on your lights; it's starting to rain."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked: "What do you want, Sonny?" "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m-ma'am?" he asked. "Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" replied the lady. "S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-what about vinegar bottles?"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a bunch of robbers in Milwaukee, Washington Police: Robbers robbed while fleeing MILWAUKEE, Wash. (UPI) -- Milwaukee police said a pair of unlucky robbers were targeted by another group of thieves as they fled from a jewelry store. Lt. Thomas Welch said two men, ages 31 and 40, took money and jewelry from the store on the south side of the city at about 10:50 a.m. Wednesday while armed with at least one handgun, and were confronted by a group of four men as they attempted to flee, the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel reported. Welch said the four men robbed the two original robbers, sparking a fight that turned into a car chase. He said the two men who allegedly robbed the jewelry store and two men from the second group, ages 22 and 27, were arrested. The money and jewelry were not recovered and police were searching for additional suspects. He said investigators were looking into whether the two groups of men knew each other prior to the incident.
Every newspaper in New York sent a reporter and a staff photographer to the office of a local ophthalmologist when it was learned that he recently performed a successful sight- saving operation on the wife of the country's most celebrated mural artist, who, in addition to paying the doctor's usual fee, had gratefully insisted on painting one of his contemporary masterpieces across an entire wall of the doctor's waiting room. The mural turned out to be an immense multicolored picture of a human eye, in the center of which stood a perfect miniature likeness of the good doctor himself. While cameras clicked and most of the newsmen crowded around the famous artist for his comments, one cub reporter drew the eye specialist aside and asked: "Tell me, if you can, Doctor-what was your first reaction on seeing this fantastic artistic achievement covering an entire wall of your office?" "To tell the truth," the physician replied, "my first thought was, thank goodness I'm not a hemorrhoid specialist!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Staza Re: Not seeing the pictures Dear Webby; Can you tell me why I am getting these x's? I can't get any picture on your site, or the bonus or Dingbatter. Please help me. AOL, sure didn't. ,they told me to try a lot of different setting and none of them worked. Thank you Staza Dear Staza That's just AOL's censoring. I can't fix AOL. Contact AOL "Support" and tell them again, that you want to go to all the places, and see all the pictures, that people with respectable ISPs can get to. Alternatively, you could decide to graduate from the sand box, and stop all that snickering and smirking behind your back. By the way, you are not the only AOLer, whom AOL treats as a second class netizen. For a couple of years now AOL has been not quite as bad as Yahoo, but they sure blew that in the last week or two. How much are they paying you for putting up with their abuse? Have FUN! DearWebby
A kid comes home from college. His father is a farmer, and he's shoveling all the manure out of the outhouse onto the strawberries to fertilize them. The kid says, "Hey, Pop, learned in college there's an easy way to do everything." They go downtown and get some dynamite, they're gonna rig it up under the outhouse and blow the solids into the strawberry patch. They get it all rigged up, but they don't see Grandma coming to use the outhouse. BaBooom! The manure goes flying, and so does Grandma. Ploop!...she lands in the strawberries. They go running up to her... "Grandma, Grandma! My God, are you all right? Are you all right?" She says, "Yeah, I'm fine. Whoo! I'm certainly glad I didn't let that one go in the kitchen!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gardening With Kids Gardening is something your kids can do outdoors that is both constructive and fun. The key is starting off slow so they don't get overwhelmed. Set aside a small patch of dirt where your kids can create their garden. Start with plants that will grow fast, like sunflowers, so they can be can see the fruits of their labor quickly. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." Then a third child brought the argument to a close... "They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
Thanks to Cookie for today's Bonus Link: Elvis and Celine
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 238 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 300 )
Dear Webby: Slow movies 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  March 23, 2009


Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. --- Robert Anton Wilson Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted. --- Martin Luther King Jr.
Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor.. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Bill: "Hey, tex, how big is your farm?" Tex: "Let me put it this way. If I were to get in my truck at sunrise and kept driving untill sundown, I STILL wouldn't be to the other side of my spread!" Bill: "Oh, yeah, I know what you mean. I used to have a truck like that too once!"
Thanks to Larry for sending this picture:
The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of day are you having?" "Oh, mom, the baby won't eat, the washing machine is broken, I've not been able to get out of the house to shop, I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around. On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have two couples over for dinner tonight." "Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, close your eyes, and I'll be over in 1/2 hour. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll take care of the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know who'll get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George? Who's George?" "Why, that's your *husband*, dear." "Mom, I don't have a husband." "Is this 234-5678?" "Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The housewife paused, then got rather hysterical: "But, but, but, you're still going to come over and help me, aren't you?"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nathaniel Johnson, 19, in Seffner, Florida Teen commits crimes while wearing ankle monitor TAMPA, FL -- A Seffner teen is back behind bars today on burglary charges after a judge said the teen had run out of second chances. Nathaniel Johnson was arrested last fall on burglary, drugs and weapons charges. Hillsborough Judge Walter Heinrich set the 19-year-old free pending trial, with the stipulation Johnson wear an ankle monitoring system that tracks his movements. Hillsborough deputies say they used that system to place Johnson at the scene of two burglaries in a Brandon neighborhood earlier this month. Deputies arrested Johnson on five additional charges. Only this time, he's being held without bond. Hillsborough sheriff's deputy, Corporal Shane Burton said, "We were able to put him in the vicinity of the homes and pinpoint right down to the rooftops of where the burglaries were being done." Johnson was allowed out of his house between 5:00am and 11:00pm with the ankle monitoring system.
Church Bulletin board bleeper: I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirty and you gave me something to drink.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon S Re: Slow playing movies Dear Webby; Thanks. I think I understand it a bit more now. Is any one of them better for videos such as youtube. I have an awful time kkepint youtube playing. I was told by someone that is is because I am still on dialup. I have to get it playing then pause it & come back to ir later. I am at the point where I just don't even bother w/ most of them. Of I should get google chrome or Firefox & put it on the taskbar how do I awitch from IE which will probably have aready come up? Can I uninstall one of the new ones if I am not satified w/ it? Does using a google or firefox affect my mail & reading it? Thanks ever so much for your help. Have a purrfect day, Sharon S Dear Sharon Let's face it, you are severely punishing yourself for the sins of your wicked youth. Dial-Up plus hotmail. According to hotmail you are in Machesny Park, Illinois, and COULD get pretty fast cable or DSL for a quite reasonable price, if you shopped around a bit. With the connection you have, it makes no difference what browser you use. All will be just as slow. All you can do for movies or music is get it started downloading, and go pray for patience for a while. Re unused browsers, yes, except for IE, they all uninstall cleanly. IE should not be uninstalled, because some Microsoft programs use parts of it for their purposes. That is why the European Union has sued them for big money, and is still suing them. Have FUN! DearWebby
In a test of emergency systems some boy scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds for a refill."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wipe Down the Shower After years of scrubbing, it dawned on me one day that it didn't make sense that a tub, where I spend time to get clean, would get "dirty". I finally got everyone in the house to agree to use their towel to wipe down the walls and tub after each use. Now, I rarely have to clean the shower enclosure or tub. By Sandy I have been using a Magic Bubble sprayer for a couple of years now and am quite happy with it. You hit the button on it when you exit the shower, and 15 seconds later it starts spraying the inside of the shower for a few seconds. That creates a thin foam film, which runs off and cleans everything. Have FUN! Dear Webby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Klondike bar to jail
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 326 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 293 )
Dear Webby: IE8 is NOT for XP ! 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  March 22, 2009


Lucy went to college. However, she really worried her
folks because all she ever wrote home about was boys and
good times. Her mother decided to have a serious talk with
Lucy when she came home for a weekend. The mother
started out by saying, "Now, dear, if you are only going to
college to find a husband, it certainly will be expensive
shopping."
"Yes, I know, Mom," said Lucy, "but what a supermarket."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, infinite wisdom, or infinite beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
Thanks to Sandie for these pictures:
As an elderly lady was boarding the plane, she said to the flight attendant, "Do these things crash very often?" The attendant replied, "No -- just once!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Police in Berlin, Germany Twins released as court cannot tell them apart Twin brothers arrested on suspicion of stealing £5.6m of jewellery and watches in Berlin have been released because police can't prove which one did it. The 27-year-olds had been accused of the daring heist at Europe's largest department store - KaDeWe, reports the Daily Telegraph. The robbers are thought to have abseiled into the shop through a skylight after scaling the side of the building. A court statement read: "From the evidence we have, we can deduce that at least one of the brothers took part in the crime but it has not been possible to determine which one." The brothers, from Lower Saxony, were arrested two weeks after the incident, but because their genetic information is so similar, traces of DNA found at the scene of the crime did not provide conclusive evidence.
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ruanju Re: Don't use IE8 for XP ! Dear Webby IE8 is not good at all! downloaded it to a Windows XP machine and it crashed! Seems to work okay on the Vista machine! Need to warn people of this as you can't just remove 8 and go back to 7 as that doesn't work either. May have to reformat machine to get back to working order! Ruanju! Dear Ruanju Thanks for the warning! Have FUN! DearWebby From Sharon: Dear Webby; What an unusal flower pic today. It's beautiful. Thanks for sharing it. You mentioned IE8 in today's tech dept. I just saw it come up a couple of days ago & wondered if it would be good. Thanks for letting all of us know about it In regards to browsers, eg Firefox, Opera etc. Can you have more than 1 browser? If so is there a benefit to having more than on & how can you switch from one to another? I've wondered about his before. Again thanks so much for your humor & helpful tips. Sharon Dear Sharon You have one DEFAULT browser, and as many optional browsers as you like. Because different browsers all have their own little peculiarities, Webmasters usually have five of them to check their work. For example, a page might look great in FireFox, but awful in IE. When you install new browsers, they are as eager as a new girlfriend to become my favorite and default browser, but there is an option to decline. They do put an icon onto your desktop, and you can drag that into the Task Bar down by the start button. Here are some reasons why you might want to have more than just one browser: IE6: Great for music and Internet radio FireFox: Most reliable on complicated pages, good for anything except midi music Opera: Handles multilingual fonts very well Google Chrome: Usually the first to work properly with new gimmicks Safari: Very clear fonts, ideal for reading e-books and any long text. Not so good on anything else. IE7 is a bit flakey, trying too hard to imitate FireFox IE8 is no good at all except on Vista. Have FUN! DearWebby You have one DEFAULT browser, and as many optional browsers as you like. Because different browsers all have their own little peculiarities, Webmasters usually have five of them to check their work. For example, a page might look great in FireFox, but awful in IE. When you install new browsers, they are as eager as a new girlfriend to become my favorite and default browser, but there is an option to decline. They do put an icon onto your desktop, and you can drag that into the Task Bar down by the start button. Here are some reasons why you might want to have more than just one browser: IE6: Great for music and Internet radio FireFox: Most reliable on complicated pages, good for anything except midi music Opera: Handles multilingual fonts very well Google Chrome: Usually the first to work properly with new gimmicks Safari: Very clear fonts, ideal for reading e-books and any long text. Not so good on anything else. IE7 is a bit flakey, trying too hard to imitate FireFox IE8 is no good at all except on Vista. Have FUN! DearWebby
The local pastor noticed that Little Johnny hadn't been to Sunday school in a long time. He was not surprised that Johnny's parents had not been to church in a month of Sundays, but it was unusual for Johnny to miss Sunday school for so long. He went to Johnny's house and knocked on the door. Little Johnny answered the door, took one look at the pastor and called to his father, "Hey, Dad! That guy that collects money for God is here!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Pringles Cans Pringles cans work well for storing small toys and tennis balls. They work well for to store clean (or still being used) paint rollers and small paint brushes. They are also the perfect size for storing home baked cookies. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man and his little girl were on an overcrowded elevator. Suddenly a woman in front turned around, slapped him and left in a huff. The little girl remarked, "That's okay, Daddy, I didn't like her either, she was stepping all over my toes. That's why I pinched her."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Churches of Moscow
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 233 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1447 )
Dear Webby, is it too soon for trying IE8 ? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  March 21, 2009


It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit. --- Harry S Truman
A Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead dinosaur with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked: "Did you kill that?". The pigmy said "Yes." The hunter asked "How could a little guy like you kill a huge beast like that?" said the pigmy: "With my club." The astonished hunter asked: "How big is your club?" The pigmy replied: "There's about 60 of us."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

An IRS man asks a farmer, "How much is your prize bull worth?" The farmer says, "For tax purposes, or has he been hit by a train?"
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Peppermint Amaryllis
A preacher said to the farmer,"Do you belong to the Christian family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ". "No,no, I mean are you lost ?" "No, I've been here thirty years." "I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?" "When is it ?" "It could be today or tomorrow ". "Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me know . My wife will probably want to go both days !"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michelle Owen, 24, from Whiteland, Indiana Porn Sting Goes To The Dog Attempt to ensnare boyfriend comes back to bite Indiana woman MARCH 18--Meet Michelle Owen. "Concerned" that an ex-boyfriend had used her laptop to search for child pornography, the Indiana woman asked police to search the computer for illegal images, but had her plan backfired when cops discovered two videos of her engaged in illicit acts with a dog. Owen, 24, was charged last week with two felony bestiality counts in connection with the video files, which a detective found in the laptop's "recycle bin." At the time Owen asked cops to search the computer, she was locked up in the Johnson County Jail on a public intoxication charge (which violated the terms of her release in a prior drunk driving case). According to a police affidavit, a cop told Owen that he had found videos of her on the laptop and asked if she "knew what those files might be." Owen replied, "The one with the dog." Cops believe that the dog in question, Toby, is a beagle. After asking if she was "going to be charged with this," Owen said that the videos "were just something she did when she was drunk and barely remembers it," adding that she tried to "delete them the next day when she was sober." The dog was not charged. http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/ye ... 1dog1.html
A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh ... I know what "you've" been doing."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: DJ Re: is it to soon to try ie8 ? Dear Webby is it to soon to try ie8 ? DJ Dear DJ The paid shills at the magazines, that get huge amounts of of advertising orders from Microsoft every month, say IE8 is good. That's the same guys who are paid to say that Vista is good. From what I gather from the independents, IE8 is what IE7 should have been, and almost as good as FireFox or Google Chrome or Opera. Almost. Even though IE8 apparently is slightly better than Apple Safari, it is not good enough to lure anybody away from FireFox or Google Chrome or Opera. Have FUN! DearWebby
Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for their annual intelligence test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," he replies. The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Marking Seed Rows Use paper seed packages as markers for rows of seeds. Just cover the seed package with clear contact paper to prevent it from the elements and slip over a small stake. I found that just stapling the empty seed package to the stakes works well enough and easiy lasts a season. For items that are for keeps, just wrap clear packing tape around it. It outlasts contact paper and is much cheaper. Have Fun DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) officer stopped to help a stranded rider standing beside a stalled motorcycle in the Rockies just a bit east of here. It was quite cold for riding a bike at speed, and the rider was heavily dressed in a full face helmet, balaclava and snowmobile suit. In a shivering voice, the rider told the Mountie that the carburetor was frozen. "Well, pee on it," the Mountie said. "Can't," replied the rider. The helpful Mountie took out his own equipment and liberally hosed down the carburetor, and the bike soon fired up. A few days later, the local department received a thank you note from a father, grateful for the roadside assistance his young daughter had received from the RCMP.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Universe
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 177 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 336 )
Dear Webby: Secret Admirer spoof mails 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  March 20, 2009
Time to wear something red to show your support for the troops


Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life. --- Robert Byrne
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. : Here it is! TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? CLASS: ! TEACHER: , name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. : Me! TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake. : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have 10 feet. TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? : Don't bite any. TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? : BIG hands!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone in the houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and gimme the bill." So the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender slaps the guy around a few times, then throws him out into the street. The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone in the houshe a drink, pour yourschelf one, and gimme the bill." The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice. So he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "Tarbender, buy everyone in the houshe a drink, gimme the bill." In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?" The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
One night, a torrential rain soaked Southern Louisiana. The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes there. Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Thibodeaux, waiting for help to come. Mrs. Thibodeaux noticed a baseball cap, floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back to the house; it kept floating away from the house, then back towards house. Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Mrs.Boudreaux, "Do you see dat dere baseball cap a floatin' away from the house, den back again?" Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yeah, dass my husband; I tole dat coonass he gonna cut the grass today, come hell or high water!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Daniel Gay of Manchester, Tennessee 'Little Houdini' back behind bars BARTOW, Fla. (UPI) -- A southern outlaw known for exploits like escaping from chains in the parking lot of a Waffle House in Tennessee is being handled with extra precautions. Christopher Daniel Gay, nicknamed "Little Houdini" because of his success getting out of custody, was arrested Monday in Florida, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported. Authorities in Florida say he stole a tractor-trailer rig and used it to steal a front-end loader. "He is being treated as an escape risk. He is in isolation," said Carrie Eleazer, spokeswoman for the sheriff's office in Polk County, Fla. Gay had been a fugitive since March 3, when he was being transported from Florida to Tennessee. He managed to get out of handcuffs and restraints at the Waffle House near Kenesaw State University in Georgia. Gay became the subject of a country western song after a 2007 escape. He got away from two police officers at a rest stop in South Carolina and allegedly drove to Manchester, Tenn., in a stolen pickup. Investigators say he then stole a loaded Wal-Mart tractor-trailer truck and headed for his mother's house. He was intercepted when he arrived there.
A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. The boy replied: "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Harriet Re: Are "Secret Admirer" emails safe? Dear Webby I have been getting some mails and cards, supposedly from a "Secret Admirer", but sorta vaguely remembered you once mentioned something about those being dangerous spoofs. Is that still the case? Harriet Dear Harriet You are absolutely right! Whenever you get anything that supposedly is from an unidentified generic sender like "Class Mate", "Secret Admirer", "Family Member", etc., then just dump it. It is a spoof, usually with a link in it that goes to a dangerous site that will infect your computer with a trojan. That trojan will then open a secret back door for the new owner of it, and it will start sending out "Secret Admirer" and "Class Mate" emails from your computer. To avoid that, dump any mails from any unidentified generic sender. I put "Class Mate", "Secret Admirer", "Family Member" into a MailWasher filter years ago, and don't even see those any more. Have FUN! DearWebby
A little boy got lost at the YWCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Salt for Grease Spills If grease or oil spills in your oven, quickly toss some salt on the stain. Once the oven has cooled off and the salt has dried, brush it out of your oven. Most of the stain should be gone. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more it stinkts."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: French Frigate Schoals
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 145 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 1438 )
Dear Webby, are wired mice becoming extinct? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  March 19, 2009

A motion to adjourn is always in order. --- Robert Heinlein Research is the process of going up alleys to see if they are blind. --- Marston Bates
Norrissa was nervous the night her new boyfriend invited her and her three young sons to an upscale restaurant for the first time. He ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the server brought it, the children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. When the waitress poured a small amount for Norissa to taste and handed her the glass, her six-year-old piped up, "Mom usually drinks a LOT more than that!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Aaron bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Valentine's Day. His friend Benny remarked: "I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-Wheel drive cars." "She did," Aaron replied. "But where in the world was I going to find a fake Subaru ?!!"
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Record snow falls in Austria. No Gullible Warming there either.
Also known as 'women's intuition,' this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women usually seem to know what's going on in their man's lives almost better than they do themselves. Why is this? They empty his pockets before throwing his laundry into the washing machine.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Frisco Sto. Domingo and son, in Legazpi, Philippines Runway driving lesson causes near disaster A passenger plane narrowly avoided a crash in the Philippines - after a man teaching his girlfriend to drive sped across an airport runway. The Cebu Pacific plane, with 80 passengers aboard, briefly touched down at Legazpi airport, but took off again as the van crossed the runway. "That van could have turned us into a fireball had I not successfully aborted landing," pilot Christopher Nowioki told the Philippine Star. The newspaper says the culprit was actually the son of the airport manager Frisco Sto. Domingo, who has now been sacked It's thought that the driver may have thought all the flights to the airport were completed for the day, and decided to use the runway to give his girlfriend a driving lesson. However, a recent increase in the number of scheduled flights, combined with poor visibility, caught him out.
A young woman doctor tells the story about her 4 year old daughter. On the way to pre-school, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. "Be still, my heart," thought the doctor, "My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!" Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Wowcome to McDonald's. Do ya want fwies wif that?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tom Re: Are wired mice becoming extinct? Dear Webby You talked me into getting a Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer about a dozen years ago, and have worn out a few of them since. It is time to replace the current one, but nobody seems to stock the wired ones anymore, just the ones that need new batteries every week or so, to fuel the Chinese ecoomy. Where can I get the regular wired ones? The only wired one I found with about the same features is a Logitech, but some of the features I am used to, don't work on that one. Tom Dear Tom Yes, just like Walmart, Staples and many other supliers act like they have fallen under Chinese control. The only rebel I could find was Tiger Direct. They still sell the wired version with 5 buttons plus tilt. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Mary for this one: Money It can buy a House...............But not a Home It can buy a Bed.................But not Sleep It can buy a Clock...............But not Time It can buy you a Book............But not knowledge It can buy you a Position........But not Respect It can buy you Medicine..........But not Health It can buy you Blood.............But not Life It can buy you Sex...............But not Love So you see money isn't everything. And it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because........... I am your Friend, and as your Friend I want to take away your pain and suffering.............. So send me all your money.......... And I will suffer for you. CASH ONLY PLEASE Thought this was gonna be one of those "inspirational" ones, didn't you????

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Quick Paint Touch Ups Did you already clean your paint brushes but notice you missed a spot? Don't dirty a paint brush for a small touch up. Just use a q-tip and toss it when you are finished. Did you already clean your paint brushes but notice you missed a spot? Don't dirty a paint brush for a small touch up. Just use a q-tip and toss it when you are finished. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, it's afternoon coffee time. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday. If it is Coast Guard, it's two before supper. If it is a Cessna, it's 3 hours to happy hour.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Exotic wildlife
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 150 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 276 )
Dear Webby: Firefox midi problem 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  March 18, 2009

"Be around people who can keep your energy and inspiration high. While you can make progress alone, it's so much easier when you have support." — Dr. Joe Vitale
The CIA lost track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words,'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in the first bar he sees. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, across the street. There's Murphy the Plumber next door. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives on 24 East Broadmoor in Dublin, on the second floor. But,.... from what I hear he's vacationing in Hawaii right now. You'll have to ask Murphy the travel agent to get the phone number of the hotel he's staying at.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She yelled out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."
Thanks to Sandie for this orchid!
Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on? He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on- this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Then, finally, she asked him, "Now, where are your mittens?" He replied: "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marcel Fournier, 19, of Concord, Vermont Vermont man attached antlers to doe's head CONCORD, Vt. (UPI) -- A Vermont hunter is paying the price for trying to pass off a doe as a buck by attaching antlers to the dead animal's head, authorities say. Marcel Fournier, 19, of Concord was hit with a $400 fine and a 10-day jail sentence Feb. 18 for his hunting violations, the Burlington Free Press reported. In addition, Fournier will not be allowed to obtain a state hunting, fishing or trapping license in Vermont for at least three years. The Vermont State's Attorney Office charged Fournier with illegally hunting does after he tried to pass off his faux buck as lawful game last fall, the Free Press said. When confronted by a state Department Fish and Wildlife warden, Fournier confessed he created the hybrid deer after killing it illegally Nov. 22. "He used epoxy and lag bolts recessed into the rack -- but they weren't very firm," Warden David Gregory said. "When you grabbed them, you'd feel movement."
When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought regular or premium gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband. "It cost the same as always," said the wife. "I bought the usual ten dollars worth."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kathryn Re: Music not playing Hi: I have been sending your cards for years. For the first time, I am not able to hear the music. I have reinstalled Quicktime and it still does not play. Can you please help me triage this problem. I just love your cards. Thanks so much. Kindest Regards, Kathryn Dear Kathryn Just use a different browser, for example Opera or IE. The music is there, and you see the call for it, when you view the page source. It's just a FireFox problem, not playing midi files. You MIGHT be able to get help from Firefox support, In the meantime, open a file explorer, find a midi fie right-click it, Open With select Quicktime checkmark "Always Use This Program" Sometimes that helps. You might have to go into Tools Folder Options File Types and in there look for midi files and assign them to Quicktime. Keep in mind that Quicktime is an Apple program, and a lot of things you are used to, are not quite as automated as you expect them to be. Have FUN! DearWebby
A tour guide was showing a tourist around Washington, D. C. The guide pointed out the place where George Washington supposedly threw a dollar across the Potomac River. "That's impossible," said the tourist. "No one could throw a dollar that far!" "You have to remember," answered the guide. "A dollar went a lot further in those days."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Treat Job Hunting as a Job When job hunting, treat it like a full time job. Spend 40 hours a week dedicated to finding a job, whether the time involves resume building, searching online, developing cover letters, or beating the pavement. By Emily from RI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

This guy says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what happened last night." His buddy says, "Well then, tell me what happened." The guy says, "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch, asking me, "Can I stay here for a few days?" I said, "Of course, you can stay there," and shut the door."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Globetrotter Cities
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 189 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 320 )
Dear Webby, How safe and private is CLOUD computing? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  March 17, 2009

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom --- Joan Rivers. It is hard to say whether the doctors of laws or the doctors of divinity have made the greater advances in the lucrative business of mystery. --Samuel Goldwyn
Why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and carousing?' said the do-gooder. 'It's too late,' replied Murphy. 'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous one. 'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

'She's a horrible woman,' said Murphy about his mother-in-law. 'She makes her own yoghurt. She puts a pint of milk on the table and stares at it!'

At Finnegan's wake, Katy Ryan remarked about the corpse: 'Doesn't he look happy?' 'Yes,' said the widow Finnegan. 'He died in his sleep and he doesn't know he's dead yet! In fact,' she went on, 'if he wakes up in the morning the shock will kill him!'
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Buckingham palace Architect Man stole car to drive to court Footman ruins uncleanable palace carpet A Buckingham Palace footman caused £60,000 damage when he spilled a trolley of drinks on a carpet that had only just been laid. It happened in the 156ft long Picture Gallery which had been recarpeted at great expense two days earlier, reports the Daily Mail. The footman was wheeling the trolley of hot drinks across it when one of the wheels fell off and the drinks scattered. The Mail quotes an insider as saying: "It took three days to lay the carpet and it had only been down for two days when the accident happened. No one could believe it. "They had a spare section of carpet which officials thought would cover unforeseen accidents in the future - not in the same week it was laid. They've had to use it all up at one go." The part-time footman had been sent to take tea and coffee to a staff meeting being held in the Picture Gallery. The insider added: "It tipped over and everything fell off - tea, coffee and china. They spent a week in the gallery trying to remove the stain." A Buckingham Palace official said: "It left a large stain at one end. Professional cleaners were called in after staff efforts failed but to no avail." ------------ Even though they are trying to blame the footman, a bonehead award needs to go to the architect, who specified a carpet that can not be cleaned satisfactorily.
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elvira Re: How safe and private is cloud computing? Dear Webby With all the data and software with CLOUD computing stored on the net, how safe and private is that? Elvira Dear Elvira Your data is quite safe, propbably safer than on your computer. Privacy is a bit mushy. If you are into nuclear proliferation or similar high profile criminal activity, then keeping your data on the net makes it easier for law enforcement to get at them. As far as anybody else is concerned, your data is quite private and well protected. In addition to that, your data is "out of context" as far as anybody else is conerned. Even if they got access to it, it would not make sense to them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for these: HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual notes from hospital charts) 1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a week. 6. On the second day the knee felt better and on the third day it disappeared. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly, also appears to be depressed. 8 The patient has been depressed since she began s eeing me in 1999. 9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 80-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 22 The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 23. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 24. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. 25. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Slicing Mushrooms Use an egg slicer to slice fresh mushrooms. It's quick and makes nice even slices that are the perfect thickness for most recipes. Mushroom slices that have a uniform thickness will cook evenly. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An Irishman, by the name of O'Mally proposed to his girl on St. Patrick's Day. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. He took a close look at it and saw it wasn't real. The young lass on learning it wasn't real returned to her future husband. She protested vehemently about his cheapness. "It was in honor of St. Patrick's Day," he smiled. "I gave you a sham rock."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Special Shape Balloons
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 162 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1412 )
Dear Webby: Cloud computing programs 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  March 16, 2009

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. --- Thomas A. Edison
Thanks to Martin for this report: HOW MOSES GOT THE 10 COMMANDMENTS One day God went to the Arabs and said, 'I have some Commandments for you that will make your lives better.' The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?' And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.' 'Can you give us an example?' 'Thou shall not kill.' 'Not kill? We're not interested.' So He went to the blacks and said, 'I have some Commandments.' The blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said, 'Honor thy Father and Mother.' 'Father? We don't know who our fathers are. We're not interested.' Then He went to the Mexicans and said, 'I have some Commandments.' The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.' 'Not steal? We're not interested.' Then He went to the French and said, 'I have some commandments.' The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.' 'Not commit adultery? We're not interested.' Finally, He went to the Jews and said, 'I have some Commandments .' 'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?' 'They're free.' 'We'll take 10.'
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Little Tommy is at the zoo on a school visit and he spots a deer. Being a city kid he's never seen one before and so he asks his teacher, "What's that, Miss?" Miss decides to play a word game with him and says, "That's what your Mom calls your Dad, Tommy." Tommy thinks for a moment and then says, "I'm not that stupid Miss, I know that is not a 'Dumb-Ass' !"
Thanks toFrank for this picture of his Obama-BBQ:
Sign in a stationery store: "For the man who has everything: A calendar - to remind him when payments are due."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Spinnie, 42, of Cioncinnati, Ohio Man stole car to drive to court CINCINNATI (UPI) -- Authorities in Ohio said a man accused of stealing a car took the vehicle so he could drive to court for his arraignment. Assistant Hamilton County Prosecutor Betsy Sundermann said John Spinnie, 42, allegedly stole a Chevrolet Uplander so he could drive to his 9 a.m. Tuesday arraignment at the Hamilton County Justice Center on charges of stealing $1,800 worth of jewelry, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported Wednesday. Sundermann said Spinnie was pulled over by a Cincinnati police officer before he reached the courthouse and was arrested on a charge of receiving stolen property. The suspect claimed an unknown man had allowed him to use the car for a $10 fee. Spinnie was arraigned on both charges Wednesday by Hamilton County Municipal Judge Fanon Rucker. His bail was set at $5,000.
The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole eight feet deep. After the job was completed the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered . The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. The boss snorted. "Geee! The kind of help you get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Daniel Re: Can not download Reminder service "mymemorizer " won't download for me. any suggestions? Dear Daniel You don't download MyMemorizer. That type of program is called a CLOUD program. It lives on the web, covering the entire globe. You simply set it up, and access it from anywhere. Next time you go to Rome to talk to the pope, you can access your MyMemorizer from the cyber cafe at the Vatican. You can even set it to send reminders to you via your cell phone, not just via email. You don't need anything special on yur computer to set or receive reminders. All you do is set up your user name and password, select your preferences, and write your user name and password onto the side of your monitor. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was a box from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No" the boy replied. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" The boy replied, "A puppy dog!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Native Plants When planting, one way to help ensure that your new plants will survive is to opt for plants that are native to your area. Those plants are most likely to survive in your particular climate and will require the least care. There is a huge variety of native plants for you to choose from in any part of the world. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination whereupon the doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age... but tell me.. do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute ... I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She went out to the reception room and said: "Morris do we still have intercourse?" Morris answered impatiently..."If I told you once I told you a thousand times... We have Blue Cross!!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: $5 dinners
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 184 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 294 )
Dear Webby: Reminder program 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  March 15, 2009

Who is more busy than he who hath least to do? --- John Clarke If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. --- Vince Lombardi Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. --- Evelyn Waugh
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A woman picked up a few items in the supermarket, then headed for the express line. The till mechanic standing at the till had his back turned to her, while he talked on the phone to the manager about the till malfunction. So she said to him, "Excuse me, I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?" The till mechanic turned, looked her up and down and said, "Not too bad looking at all, for your age."
Thanks to Ann for this picture: If you have any pictures of alpacas, PLEASE send them to me! I need a big pile of them for a new postcard site, that is focusing on them.
The class assignment was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Susie got up to read hers, "My brother was fighting with me, and he fell in the well last week..." she began. "Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Koop. "Is he all right now?" "He must be," said little Irving. "He stopped yelling yesterday."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Adam Hardeman, 29 of Atlanta, GA Sent in by Dianne Burglar stuck in Atlanta store THE ASSOCIATED PRESS ATLANTA - A would-be burglar is in jail after he climbed through a hole in the roof of an Atlanta liquor store and then couldn't get back out. Police and the owner of Azar's Package Store found 29 year old Adam Hardeman hiding in a store restroom with playing cards, lighters and a bottle of gin in his pockets. Authorities say the man got inside by moving a rooftop air conditioner and dropping through the hole. Once inside, he couldn't climb back up, and burglar bars kept him from getting out windows or doors. Police say Hardeman was arrested and is charged with burglary and damage to property.
The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, everybody else does, often long before you actually get around to doing it. ------------- Yeah, that is why I emigrated from Austria to Canada in 1970.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Anna Re: Reminder service Dear Webby, you once mentioned a reminder service, but I forgot what it was. Can you please mention it again? Thanks Anna Dear Anna Try http://www.mymemorizer.com/ It works great with email, and you can even set it to send a text message to your cellphone to wake you up. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and unplugs the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dummy named you Moses?" "The same dummy who called his rottweiler Jesus."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Pen Ink from Leather Spray a little hairspray (the cheap stuff works best) on the ink, let it sit for a few seconds, and wipe it off. Quite often, the ink will come right off. Be sure to test this solution in an inconspicuous place first to make sure it doesn't mark the leather. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his check up, the doctor called his wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very serious disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be reasonably pleasant and try to get him into a good mood. For lunch, fix him something hot. For dinner, prepare something hot and fairly nutritious. For a while, don't burden him too much with unnecessary chores. Try not to discuss your stress about the house work and the soap operas too much, when he is worrying about the family business, that would just make him feel worse. And most importantly, you must be intimate with your husband at least one day of every week. If you can do this for at least 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say to you?" "You're gonna die."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Trolley Cars
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 142 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 323 )
Dear Webby, Microsoft Defrag does not work 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  March 14, 2009

'America is--is no longer, uh, what it--it, uh, could be, uh what it was once was...uh, and I say to myself, 'uh, I don't want that future, uh, uh for my children.' --- Barack Obama 'Paying taxes is voluntary.' --- Sen. Harry Reid 'You don't need God anymore, you have us democrats.' --- Nancy Pelosi
Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "But God won't tell my wife."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Bob, an experienced sky diver, was getting ready for a jump one day when he spotted another man outfitted to jump wearing dark glasses, carrying a white cane and holding a seeing-eye dog by a leash. Shocked that the blind man was also going to jump, Bob struck up a conversation, expressing his admiration for the man's courage. Then, curious, he asked, "How do you know when the ground is getting close?" "Easy," replied the blind man. "The leash goes slack."
Thanks to Joe for this picture:
I couldn't help overhearing a man at a nearby pay phone. "I know it's something you want," he said earnestly, "but I don't think tattoos are a good idea. And the same goes for body piercing. As long as you're living in my house, I think you should respect my wishes." I was secretly cheering him on for his fatherly firmness. Then came the 'coup de grace': "Besides, Ma, you're 75 years old! A tatoo like that would look silly on you !"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Scott Allan Witmer, 44, of Easton, Pennsylvania Sent in by Deeli Jurisdictional doubts EASTON, PENNSYLVANIA A man accused of driving drunk said Pennsylvania courts have no jurisdiction over him because he's his own country. After seeing the paperwork that 44-year-old Scott Allan Witmer filed with the court claiming sovereignty, a Northampton County judge ordered he not be released from prison until drug, alcohol and psychological evaluations were completed. . Witmer, who represented himself, said he believes police lack jurisdiction to pull him over. As he said in court: "I live inside myself, not in Pennsylvania." Witmer said he was challenging the traffic stop that led to his arrest and said he believes in certain laws, not all of them. "Don't all our souls live within ourselves? Isn't this where you really live?" Witmer asked, pointing to his body. He said there is no victim in the crime and asked to go to trial.
New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was mugged but had no cash. Afraid he'd be hurt, he offered to write the guy a check. The mugger said dumbfounded, "A Check ? Why would I take a check from you? I don't even know you!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Microsoft Defrag does not work Dear Webby, it seems as thought my defrag system has gone bad on my machine. I run it fairly often, but lately it has only gotten up to 37-38% and won't go any higher. Bob Dear Bob The Microsoft defrag does not work. It is a total waste of time, since it breaks down before it is even half finished. That is why I have been recommending Diskeeper for the last 10 years. With DisKeeper you can even increase the size of the MFT (Master File Table, today's version of the File Allocation Table). If the MFT gets crowded, then IT gets fragmented too, and that is where the Microsoft defrag really drops the ball. While the Microsoft defrag exits when the screen saver comes on, DisKeeper can be set to START and work, whenever the screen saver comes on. It is an ice age more advanced than the M$ defrag. I got my DisKeeper set to defrag: C: whenever the screen saver comes on, E: every two hours between 3am and 9am F: every two hours between 4am and 9am G: every hour between 5 am and 9am My drives are always nicely defragged and tuned, and I have not lost a drive since I started using DisKeeper. That is why I have a link to Diskeeper in the left side menu of the Humor Letter. Have FUN! DearWebby
In a lot of Southern towns, the influence of the Baptist Church is felt in many different walks of life. For example, sexual relations between two unmarried adults is illegal. It seems they fear it might lead to dancing.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paperclip Bookmark A paper clip works well as a bookmark, especially if you are carry books in a bag or backpack. The paperclip won't fall out the way a loose bookmark can. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Bonnie remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons. ------------- The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy sinning to join the choir.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Rain Forests
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 208 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 329 )
Dear Webby: Out of sequence Microsoft patches 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It'sFriday,  March 13, 2009
Time to wear something red to show your support for the troops!


Friday, the 13th! Beware that it's bad luck to be superstitious! --- Socratex
A soldier was asked to report to the camp office for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

A Southern preacher was using the new sound system of the church for the first time and jerking the microphone cord along behind him as he briskly moved about the platform. He had never heard his voice amplyfied like that and was getting right into the spirit of things and gesticulating just as wildly as he was yelling into the microphone. As he moved farther over to one side, he got wound up in the cord and nearly tripped before jerking it free again. After several circles and jerks, Little Johnny leaned toward his mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, we better run!"

Did you know that ..... In Seattle, Washington, residents may not carry concealed weapons longer than six feet.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Municipal Court in Phoenix, AZ Credit report reveals 14-year-old fine PHOENIX (UPI) -- A Phoenix woman said she was shocked when her accountant discovered a 14-year-old traffic fine on her credit report. Catie Martin said she was weeks away from closing on a house when her accountant discovered that the Phoenix Municipal Court was posting an $1,800 collection on her credit report, KPHO-TV, Phoenix, reported Tuesday. "I was just dumbfounded, I couldn't believe what was going on," Martin said. Martin said she had thought the citation had been taken care of when she paid a $500 fine 14 years ago. She said she had not heard anything about the ticket in the years since until the fee appeared on her credit report. "It's not like they didn't know where I was, it's not like they couldn't find me. I haven't left the country -- I worked for the state, for crying out loud," she said. A representative of the court said the city has boosted efforts to collect on old tickets by employing four collection agencies to track down delinquent fines. Martin said coming up with the $1,800 will be difficult now that she can't drive to work. "They told me that my license was revoked," she said.
While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Allan Re: Out of sequence Microsoft patches Dear Webby, I thought you told us that Microsoft patches and bug fixes always come out on "Patch Tuesday", and to be suspicious if there is something claiming to be an official update on any other day. is today's patch real or phony? Allan Dear Allan Today's patches seem to be two patches to fix some of the more bothersome ooopses in Tuesday's patch. After installing today's patch XP seems to be fast and stable again. Have FUN! DearWebby
"I presume, Mrs Murphy, you carry a memento of some sort in that locket of yours?" "Indeed I do, sir, it's a lock of my Dan's hair." "But your husband is still alive." "that he is," said she "but his hair is long gone!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Empty Baby Wipe Containers Baby wipe containers can be used for storing numerous things like crayons and art supplies. Or, use them in the shop to store nails and screws. Baby wipe containers close tightly and are stackable. Be sure to re-use them before you recycle them. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two Irish mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first Irish mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him one heck of a big party."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Pencil Art
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 136 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 329 )
Dear Webby: Persistent email problems at Yahoo 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  March 12, 2009


It is possible to be below flattery as well as above it. --- Thomas Babington Macaulay The world is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a return to the idealised past. --- Robertson Davies,
Daughter: Mom, Can I have some money for a new dress? Mother: Go ask your father, dear. You are getting married in a month and you need the practise.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news and I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he died from a "massive internal fart." Come on out and play!
85 year old Bessie bursts into the rec room of the men's retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Allen Patch, Rachel Fait Rick Covello in Scottsbluff, Nebraska Wrong way to "move" cars OMAHA, Neb. (AP) -- Scores of new cars vanished from a western Nebraska car dealership and a prosecutor said Wednesday that some had turned up in other states and warrants had been issued for three missing executives. The 81 Fords and Toyotas taken from Legacy Auto Sales in Scottsbluff were valued at about $2.5 million. The Fords were put on transporter trucks and taken away Saturday and the Toyotas were shipped out late Monday, John Childress, Scotts Bluff County's chief deputy county attorney, said Wednesday. He said seven of the cars were found Wednesday at an auto auction in Utah. Others were found in Arizona, but he didn't know how many. Childress said arrest warrants had been issued for owner Allen Patch, controller Rachel Fait and general manager Rick Covello, who are wanted on suspicion of theft. Miranda Cervantes, the dealership's title manager, told the Scottsbluff Star-Herald she returned to work Tuesday after a day off and found the lot was virtually empty. She said the desks of Patch, Fait and Covello had been cleaned out.
A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor. "'Putt' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means a klutzy, but usually unsuccessful, attempt to do the same thing."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mike Re: Yahoo email problems Dear Webby, The last couple of days I have not been getting the daily “Humor News Letter”. The email address I want it to come to is: .......@yahoo.com. Thanks, Mike Dear Mike Your subscription has been sent out to you every night. that sounds like a routine Yahoo malfunction. Just get a reliable address for important stuff. You can still use Yahoo for cybersex and yahoo groups, but subscriptions, telephone bills, and similarly important items should be on a better address. You can get a free gmail address at google.com Have FUN! DearWebby
It's comforting to know that real estate agents are required to be more candid about the properties they represent these days. A Newport Beach, California Internet listing of a duplex revealed that the other inhabitant possessed two cats and "a Scottish terrorist." ------------------------------------ Well you got to watch those Scots. There is aparently no sound on earth more terrifying than a bunch of Scots coming home from the bar and deciding to practise their bagpipes indoors.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Opening a Can of Soup Before opening a can of soup, shake it well. Then open the bottom of the can of soup. More of the soup will come out of the can cleanly this way. That reminds me.... When cat skinning (operating a Caterpillar) in the arctic in the 70's, we used to put a can of "Beans and Wieners" or stew onto the engine exhaust manifold, after poking a nail hole into the lid. One day one guy forgot to poke that nail hole. At lunch time, when he reached for his can, it was totally empty. Not a single bean left in it. His lunch was embedded in the greasy dirt under the engine cover. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At a school event a teacher stacked a pile of apples on one end of a table with a sign saying, "Take only one apple please - God is watching." On the other end of the table was a pile of cookies. A student had secretly placed a sign on saying, "Take all the cookies you want - God is watching the apples."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: See through concrete
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 336 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1209 )
Dear Webby, should I save software patches? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  March 11, 2009


Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status. --- Laurence J. Peter Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. --- Ambrose Bierce,
A lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder." "Well," she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite because the electricity was cut off this morning."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Thanks to Joe for this nice shot of the Grand Canyon.
"May I try on that dress in the window?" the gorgeous woman asked the manager of the designer boutique. "Go ahead," the manager replied. "Maybe it'll attract some business."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to United Airways Sent in by Walter, the Stonecarver Body shipped to pet store Even US Airways admits- this was a big mistake. A Pets Plus employee went to the US Airways freight desk at the airport to pick up a thousand dollars worth of exotic fish. The driver came back to the store and showed his boss this: "Instead of my fish packing list I have a dead body packing list." In the box? The body of 65 year-old California postal worker Jon Kenoyer. He died last friday. His body was being shipped to Life Quest Anatomical Research in the lehigh valley. They use bodies for scientific research. But Jon's body didn't get there- it got here- to a pet store. "If it was my family member I'd really be broken up that they just sent 'em with anybody." The folks at Life Quest are very upset about the US Airways mistake- so are the folks here. The fish they ordered are most likely dead- and they are very upset for the family of the deceased man. The Pets Plus workers didn't open the box- they did make arrangements to have a van from the airport come take it away- so hopefully, it gets where it belongs. "I'm not upset about the mistake- if it was flowers or something a mistake is a mistake- but no, I guess I'm upset because I wouldn't want to be a family and somebody is trying to find the body right now... and we have it." Out in a San Diego suburb, Jon Kenoyer's widow Mary says her late husband was a practical joker who hated to fly. She believes he is up in heaven laughing about this big mixup. "He was such a practical joker so I just think that this is the last joke he's playing on us. And he's afraid to fly, and then he found out they were shipping his body by airplane, and I said he's going to get even with me, either up in heaven, or I guess he's doing it now." Mary Kenoyer also said she hopes this incident doesn't discourage others from donating their bodies to science.
It's official: Rap music does cause crime. Research shows that in over half the shootings that occur on the street, the gunman is aiming at the boombox.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Save software patches? Webby, I have more questions - I bet you get tired of answering all of us! When you told us how to block SP3 and IE7 I did it but I hit save and then run. I noticed on my documents they are there. Can I delete the icons or will the blockers go away also. I noticed a few other things I saved and then ran are there but I am nervous about deleting them. Should I just hit run and not save? Thank you again for helping. Carolyn Dear Carolyn As long as you hit RUN, it should be OK. Since they are very tiny files, I would leave them in place, in case you need them again. Have FUN! DearWebby
The tourist was admiring the Native's necklace. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," he replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Actually", he replied, "here the alligator hunters get paid more than the oyster cutters at the packing plant."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make a Hand Sander Wrap sandpaper around a wood block to sand large areas of wood. The wood will be sanded evenly and the sand paper will wear evenly. For round or irregular surfaces you can get foam sanding blocks with different grades on different sides. They last surprisingly long and can be cleaned with the rubber sticks used to clean belt sander loops. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a bloody nose and a black eye. "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked. "No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: 3D Street Art
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 191 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1131 )
Dear Webby: Juno.com email problems 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  March 10, 2009


Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better. --- Socratex
George had minor surgery after a bad accident and gets on the bus one afternoon. He looks quite bedraggled and more like he had been in a bar fight than being hit by a cab, and is still a bit groggy from the anesthetic staggers up the aisle, and sits down next to an elderly woman. She looks George up and down and screeches at him: "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" George jumps up out of his seat and shouts: "Hold it, driver. I'm on the wrong bus! I don't wanna go where SHE goes!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Thanks toDianne for sending this picture:
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. About this time,a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screamed, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Harry Jackson, 25, Camden County, Georgia Convict caught breaking into prison An escaped prisoner has been arrested in the US after guards caught him trying to sneak back into the jail. Harry Jackson, 25, was spotted trying to slip back into the prison with 14 packs of cigarettes allegedly stolen from a nearby shop, authorities said. Sheriff Tommy Gregory said Jackson had opened the door to the exercise yard and climbed an outer fence to escape, reports the Daily Telegraph. Officers have alleged that Jackson walked a few hundred yards to a convenience store, took the cigarettes, and returned to the prison. Jackson was in jail in Camden County in southeast Georgia for charges including possession of a controlled substance and violating probation. He now faces new charges of breaking out of jail and burglary.
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin ploughing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "The twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars may now return to class."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sarah Re: Could not open these pics Could not open these pics....... disappointed. sarah......@juno.com Dear Sarah Whenever Juno.com messes up your email, just browse to http://webby.com/humor and see what everybody else got in their email. Have FUN! DearWebby
An inter-church gathering was well attended when someone suddenly cried "FIRE!" The Methodists gathered in a corner to pray. The Baptists hollered "Everyone in the water !" The Lutherans nailed a paper to the door declaring fire was evil. The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out in an orderly manner. The Unitarians concluded the fire had as much right to be there as anyone. The Christian Scientists agreed there really wasn't a fire. The 7th Day Adventists said it was "the vengeance of an angry God." The Presbyterians formed a committee to study the problem. The Catholics passed the plate to cover the damages. The janitor grabbed a fire extinguisher and put the fire out.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Pizza Cutter Use Foil On Ironing Board Put foil under your ironing board cover to help insulate it. The foil will help heat the underside of the item you are pressing. Actually, foil conducts the heat away. To keep the heat confined to a small area, use the opposite, a good insulator like felt. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two young medical students were standing on a street corner observing people as they passed and discussing any abnormalities with each other that they may have seen in passers-by. They saw this old fellow sort of duck waddling down the street at a slow pace. The two students introduced themselves to the gentleman and told him that they didn't agree with each others diagnosis of the old mans problem. One says, "my friend thinks you have a bad case of hemorrhoids, and I think you have a hernia." The old man said, "Well, I thought it was a going to be fart, but it looks like all three of us were wrong with our guessing."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Big Cheese
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 154 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 1132 )
Dear Webby: Availability of XP 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  March 9, 2009


The truth is rarely pure and never simple. --- Oscar Wilde I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way. --- Franklin P. Adams
"When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated father, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But my son has his own TV, phone, computer and DVD player. "So what do you do?" asked his friend. "I send him to MY room!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


The lawyer emailed his client overseas: "Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Do you want us to order burial or cremation ?" Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order both, but not in that order."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ricky Lee Sample, 47, Fort Worth, Texas Grandma chases down purse snatcher FORT WORTH, Texas (UPI) -- A Texas grandmother said she jumped in her car and chased down a man who shoved her and snatched her purse in a Fort Worth parking lot. Val Renfro, 65, said she was getting into her car outside of an Office Depot when a man, identified by police as Ricky Lee Sample, 47, pushed her twice, snatched her purse and fled on foot, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported Wednesday. Renfro dialed 911 on her cell phone and began chasing the man in her car. She gave the operator a detailed description of the suspect while she followed the suspect and shouted for him to give her purse back or she would hit him with her car. The mother of three and grandmother of four said she hit the man once with her car but he continued running until bystanders who joined the chase on foot cornered the suspect and retrieved the purse. Renfro said Sample shouted apologies to her when they both arrived at the police station. She was giving a statement and he was under arrest on a charge of aggravated robbery. "I thought, 'How do I respond to that?'" she said. "He said it a third time and I said, 'Apology accepted. God bless you.'" Sample was held at the Mansfield Jail in lieu of $20,000 bail.
Michael strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you've been giving to a Mrs. Rogers." "Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?" Michael says, "Since he found out that the birth control pills that you prescribed for me did nothing about my hemorrhoids, and the salve you prescribed for Mrs Rogers did not stop her from getting pregnant."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chuck Re: Which XP ? Dear Webby, I've got a question that maybe, if you can answer it, will help more people than just me. A non-profit that I work with just received several pcs as a gift, but the operating systems have been wiped off the hard drive. They didn't include the install disks, so now we are looking to buy Windows XP for all of them. I can find several XP versions on the internet. Some of them going for as low as $55-$60. Would this be what I'm looking for or do I need a more complete/costlier version? And can one XP disk be used for several machines? Thanks for all your fantastic tips and help! Chuck Dear Chuck XP-SP2 is the best version. XP-SP3 may or may not work on those older machines. XP-SP2-PRO can be installed on two machines, preferably o the same network. The normal price for XP-SP2 is $90 - $120 If you see something drastically lower than that, proceed with extreme caution! It could be pirated or just a tutorial, or with the serial number in active use. Last time I checked, Tigerdirect still had legitimate XP-SP2 CDs, but their stock won't last much longer. Investing in XP-SP2 CDs is probably the wisest move, if you have any spare cash. By the time Windoows 7 comes out, the price will have more than doubled. Have FUN! DearWebby
The cowboy who was preparing the horses for the tourists asked a lady she wanted a Western or an English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. He told her one had a horn and one didn't. She replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic out here."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Pizza Cutter For quick and easy cleanup, don't wait for cheese and sauce to dry on your pizza cutter. Rinse it off right after you cut the pizza and clean up will be a snap. http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf55199969.tip.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Arthur came home after a late-night poker game and was greeted by Donna, his nagging, sourpussed wife. "And just where have you been all night?," Donna screeched at him. "Playing cards," says Arthur, "but that's not important. What matters is that I lost you to Bubba Smith." "Lost me!!" Donna screamed, "How did you manage that?" "It was a heartbreaker," Michael admitted. "I had to fold with a royal flush."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: American Legends
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 120 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 1210 )
Dear Webby: Not receiving subscriptions 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  March 8, 2009


Time change tonight in many parts of North America! Daylight Saving Donut In the U.S., Arizona doesn’t observe Daylight Saving Time, but the Navajo Nation (parts of which are in three states) does. However, the Hopi Reservation, which is entirely surrounded by the Navajo Nation, doesn’t observe DST. There is a donut-shaped area of Arizona that does observe DST, but the “hole” in the center does not. There is a list of when different countries change to Summer time at Summer Time
was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked "Electronic cat and dog caller -- guaranteed to work." looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Thanks to Verue for these pictures: I just took these pictures (at 7:30 at night) of a male Cardinal in the Magnolia Fuscata Tree that is on the side of my house. I got within 2 feet of it and it just sat there while I took about 10 pictures with the flash of it. These were the best of the 10 Verue
A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church with their three kittens. He had them lined up and was preaching to them. The mother turned around to do some work. A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door. She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens. She opened the window and said, "Johnny, stop that! You'll drown those kittens." Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his voice: "They should had thought of that before they joined my church."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Hart Rentals in Madison, Wisconsin Wrong apartment cleared of belongings MADISON, Wis. (UPI) -- Police say a Madison, Wis., man who returned home to find his apartment cleared out later found his landlord had mistakenly emptied the wrong residence. Investigators said Edward Peterson, 36, flagged down a police officer after returning to his downtown apartment on the afternoon of Feb. 20 to find all of his furniture and belongings had been cleared out during the five hours he was away, The Capital Times of Madison reported Tuesday. The officer, Nicholas Ellis, discovered that Peterson's landlord at Hart Rentals had instructed a maintenance worker to clean out the apartment. Unfortunately, Peterson's apartment shared the same number as a unit located in another building that was supposed to be cleared out.. Peterson said he recovered most of his property from the trash bin where it had been dumped, except for about 150 CDs, a boom box, 10 DVDs, about 100 astrology-related books, about $300 cash, a cell phone, credit cards and other items remain missing. His TV and remote control were returned after the maintenance worker took them to Hart Rental's maintenance office. Shirley Eckes, business manager of Hart Rentals, told Ellis that "whatever is missing from Peterson's apartment we will make him whole again," the police report of the incident said. The report did not say if criminal charges were being sought.
"I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!" "He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him." The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me." The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours!..."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helen Re: Not receiving subscriptions Dear Webby, I'm no longer receiving your newsletter. I tried subscribing again, but was told I was already subscribed so I still can't get your newsletter. What else can I do? Thanks, Helen Dear Helen That means your subscription is being sent out to you every night. You will have to contact Centurytel Support and demand that they let you have your subscription, or pay you for your loss. Have FUN! DearWebby
A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel in England to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the beach," he was told. "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man. Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Zoo Memberships If you have a zoo near buy, consider buying a zoo membership to save money and have fun. While admission tickets seem quite expensive if you are going for the day, family memberships are usually very reasonable. If you go just once a month, the membership price is well worth while. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Johnny's class was having an English lesson, and the teacher called on Little Johnny to recite a sentence with a direct object. Little Johnny stood and thought, then said, "Teacher, I think you have lost weight." "Why thank you, Little Johnny," the teacher said, blushing. "But what is the direct object?" "A good report card next month," he replied.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: American Legends
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 94 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 1160 )
Dear Webby: Only one choice of monitor refresh rates 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  March 7, 2009


The United States is a nation of laws, badly written and randomly enforced. --- Frank Zappa Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. --- Herbert Hoover
Thanks to Sandie for this story: On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage. The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there's no I in the word marriage." The wife said, "For my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked


Thanks to Sandie for this story: In the office where I work, there's a constant battle between our technical support director and customer service personnel over the room temperature, which is usually too high. The frustrated director, trying to get us to understand his position, announced one afternoon, "We need to keep the temperature below seventy-five degrees or the computers will overheat." Thinking this was just another excuse, one of my shivering colleagues retorted, "Yeah, right. So, how did they keep the computers from overheating before there was air conditioning?"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kari Heath, 20 of Strum, Wisconsin Felony Charge For Craigslist Prank Cops: Posing as ex-boyfriend, Wisconsin woman placed "talk dirty" ad MARCH 5--Meet Kari Heath. The Wisconsin woman, 20, is facing a felony charge for allegedly posing as an ex-boyfriend and posting a Craigslist personals ad seeking other men to call him at work and "talk dirty to him." According to a criminal complaint, a copy of which you'll find here, Heath placed the ad last month after arguing with her boyfriend Joseph Strasburg. The ad, which was posted in Craigslist's "Casual Encounters" section, included several photos of the 24-year-old Strasburg, including one explicit image, and his business phone number. Heath's former beau contacted cops when a man called him about the online ad. Strasburg, 24, told investigators that Heath subsequently sent him a text message admitting responsibility for the prank, which resulted this week in her arrest for identity theft. When interviewed by police, Heath admitted placing the online ad in Craigslist's "personal column, homosexual section."
A friend of mine had resisted efforts to get him to run with our jogging group until his doctor told him he had to exercise. Shortly thereafter, he reluctantly joined us for our 5:30am jogs on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. After a month of running, we decided that my friend might be hooked, especially when he said, "I've discovered what runner's euphoria is." When we questioned this, he explained, "Runner's euphoria is what I experience at 5:30am on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays and Sundays."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Monitor Frequency Dear Webby, Hi..I tried to pull down another number but 60 was the only choice... how do I put in another number please.. Thanks as always. ???? Ann Dear Ann If 60 is the only choice you got, then that's it. You can not insert unlisted choices. Make sure your actual monitor is selected, and not a generic default monitor. You might have to change that from generic to "Plug-And-Play", so that Windows queries the monitor for it's make and model and abilities. Have FUN! DearWebby
I requested identification from a department store customer who had just written a personal check for her purchase. After fumbling through her purse, she presented me with what she said was the only thing that bore both her name and address. It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Swap Out Bad Socks For Good When I buy socks for my husband, I buy at least 6 of the largest packages that I can find. I open one or two packages and put the rest in the closet. When one wears out (and after it's been mended several times), I save the good sock and match it with another sock. When several wear out, I introduce several new pairs into his stash. They last years this way and he always has matching pairs. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Sandie for this story: Everyone knows I'm a stickler for good spelling. So, when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to "decifer" them, I had to set him straight. I wrote, "Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f. In case you've forgotten, spell checker comes free with your program." A minute later, I got this reply, "Mine must be dephective."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Extreme Body Parts
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 202 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1140 )
Dear Webby: Monitor refresh rate 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  March 6, 2009
Time to wear something red to show your support for the troops!


"Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." --- John F. Kennedy In this world there is always danger for those who are afraid of it. ---George Bernard Shaw For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news. --- Gloria Borger
Why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and carousing?' said the do-gooder. 'It's too late,' replied Murphy. 'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous one. 'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
A 16-year old comes home and says "Dad, I just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car." Father replies, "O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, keep the yard trimmed, and cut your hair. Come back when you've done all of that." Well, a month passes and the son approaches his dad, report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?" Father replies, "But, son, you didn't cut your hair." Son says, "But, Dad, Jesus had long hair." Father replies, "Yes, son, you're right. He never got to drive either."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to police in Liverpool, England Motorist stopped by police for laughing A Liverpool motorist was stopped by a police officer and questioned - for laughing at the wheel of his car. Gary Saunders was using a hands-free phone when he burst out laughing at a joke told by his brother-in-law. A few moments later he noticed a traffic officer flashing his lights at him and gesticulating at him to stop his Renault. When Mr Saunders got out of his car, the policeman told him: "Laughing while driving a car can be an offence." The officer spent half an hour questioning the company director and ordered him to produce his licence and other documents at a police station. Mr Saunders, managing director of Spontex Workwear, said the delay meant that he missed an important appointment. "I couldn't believe it when he told me I'd been pulled over for laughing," he said. "I was driving very safely in the Birkenhead Tunnel and took a call. Supt Kevin Hagger, of the Mersey Tunnels Police, said: "There is no record of the incident in the system so it seems the gentleman was just spoken to by the officer and the matter not taken any further."
It may still be winter where you are, but in South Carolina it's the season of the big spring mosquitos. The other evening, a man walked out into his yard and two mosquitos picked him up. As they lifted him, one says to the other, "Let's take him down by the lake and have a picnic." The other one said, "No way ! If we carry him down there, the big mosquitos will take him away from us."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Monitor Frequency Dear Webby, 1st- thanks so much for sharing all your news, jokes pic, & tech advice. I have had a lot of laughs & learned a lot of useful tips. In the past couple of letters you've talked about changing the momitor frequency. How do I do that? I have a dell w/ windows xp. Also what is the difference between 16 bit color & 32 bit? Again, thanks for all your help. Dear Sharon The monitor frequency can be changed with the buttons on some monitors, and in the Display properties on others. Rightclick the desktop Properties Settings Advanced Monitor In there pull down the Screen Refresh rate selector, and choose any number other than 60 Hz. In Europe, where the fluorescents flicker at 50 Hz, choose any number other than 50.. You will be surprised at how much better pictures look! Have FUN! DearWebby
The story is told of a day when Queen Elizabeth had the Duke Of Edinbourgh over for a cup of tea. The conversation turned equestrian and the Queen was telling the Duke about her new prize horse. After a spell of ranting and raving over this horse the Duke said, "Well, then, let's see this fine animal!" So the Queen and the Duke went over to the stables to admire the horse. At one point the Queen walked around the horse, just as it let out an earth trembling fart, with a smell that brought tears to everybody's eyes and blistered the paint ... let's just say it was awesome.. The Queen turned a bit red and said, "Oh, I am terribly sorry about that!" "Oh, that's quite alright," the Duke replied, "I had thought it was the horse!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning With Vinegar You can save on cleaning products by using white vinegar and newspaper to clean your windows, windows come out sparkling clean. You can also use white vinegar for washing your floors, add 1/2 cup white vinegar to last rinse cycle of your wash to control static cling. Also white vinegar is good for cleaning coffeemakers, tea kettles, tea pots, coffee and tea mugs. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a guy with his name had been in my high school class almost 50 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "Graduated in 1955." "You were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Singapore Air Show
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 184 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1178 )
Dear Webby, is "is.gd" safe ? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  March 5, 2009


"It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help." --- Judith Martin
"You seem to have more than average intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. "If I wasn't under oath to speak the truth, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Thanks to my dad for this picture: It was too stormy on the terrace, ice needles flying horizontally. Nice and warm in the mountain top restaurant.
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer? Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ahmed Boyer, 36 in Vienna, Austria Groom robbed banks to pay for wedding A desperate bridegroom staged four bank robberies after his wife-to-be's plans for a huge white wedding got out of hand. The groom netted more than £300,000 in the heists in Austria before he was caught. But it still wasn't enough for his fiancee who demanded 500 guests, a Chanel gown, a new car for the drive to the service and a Caribbean honeymoon. Ahmed Boyer, 36, was caught when an off duty policeman grabbed him as he fled a bank in Vienna. "The wedding was costing a lot of money and I realised I would never be able to pay for it," he told the court. "The money from the first robbery went in a day so I just kept going." He faces jail.
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. "Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "The nurse told me that I will be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?" "I don't see why not," replies the doctor. "Hmmm, then I better start learning to read sheet music!"
From the Tech Support Pits: A lot of people wrote in and reported tat changing the monitor frequency stopped their eye problems and headaches instantly. From: Elmar Re: Are is.gd URLs safe? Dear Webby, Lately, especially on Twitter, people have sent me URLs with is.gd in the front. I don't even know where .gd is! Elmar Dear Elmar is.gd is just a site that shortens long URLs, similar to tinyurl.com, snipurl.com, etc. Some URLs, especially uTube movies, can be very long, much longer than the 140 characters you are allowed per message on Twitter. So you have to shorten it. Because is.gd is shorter than snipurl.com or tinyurl.com, it is rapidly becoming a favorite URL shortening site. I'll use the URL where you can see today's picture in full size, and even send it as a postcard, as an example: http://is.gd/lRGJ As you can see, it safely gets you there. The problem with most of the URL shortening sites is that somebody could send you to a bad site, without you knowing in advance. is.gd solved that problem. You can copu the shortened URL, paste it to the address bar and add a minus sign at the end. http://is.gd/lRGJ- Now, instead of directly going to the mystery site, it shows you the full and long URL. That makes it a lot safer. You can decide whether to go there or not, AFTER seeing the actual, long URL. Have FUN! DearWebby
An Irishman's wife calls the doctor, stating that her husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had taken his temperature; she replied that she hadn't but would and then call back. When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor called and asked her what had happened. She said, "Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a barometer on his chest and it said dry, so I gave him a pint of beer and he went off to work!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Yard Sales for Garden Supplies When I moved into my first house, I didn't have any garden supplies at all. Since we had just closed, and money was tight. I went to yard sales looking for anything I could come across. I found lots of items, including a shovel, a pick, a pole saw, an axe and more. The pole saw was $10 (I got it at a flea market). The other items were $1 or $2. I also saw spreaders (the kind you use to fertilize the lawn) for around $5. By Tony Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor, who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile." "Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carr, with a giant grin on his face from ear to ear, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with money."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Italian Edibles
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 164 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1251 )
Dear Webby: Monitor related eye problems 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  March 4, 2009


Ask a question and you're a fool for three minutes; do not ask a question and you're a fool for the rest of your life. --- Chinese Proverb
Two Venusians are walking down the street. One Venusian finds a little mirror, looks in it, again, and again. Puzzled, she says to the other one, "I just know I've seen this face before!" "Give it to me", says the other Venusian. She looks in the mirror and says, "Of course, you silly! It's me!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Thanks to Dusty for this picture:
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, spoke up and said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Derick Gates of Hoopa, California Man stole ambulance after crash EUREKA, Calif. (UPI) -- A 20-year-old California man stole an ambulance from paramedics sent out to help him after he crashed into some trees, police allege. The California Highway Patrol said after Derick Gates of Hoopa drove his car over a state Route 299 embankment, he refused treatment from responding paramedics and then made off with their emergency vehicle, the Eureka (Calif.) Times-Standard reported. The ambulance was then pursued by a Humboldt County Sheriff's Office deputy and a state patrol officer. The chase lasted an entire hour even though both of the ambulance's right tires deflated during the pursuit, police said. The officers eventually took Gates into custody after the ambulance finally broke down. The Times-Standard said Gates faces charges of stealing an emergency vehicle, driving under the influence of a controlled substance and evading a police officer.
Two good Catholic boys passed an Episcopalian minister. At the sight of the reversed collar, one of them automatically said, "Hello, Father." The other boy elbowed him in the ribs. "He's no father, you dummy," said the second youth, "He's married and got three kids!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cathi Re: Burning eyes Dear Webby, Your suggestion to Martina was excellent and probably will work. If it doesn't she may want to determine if the overhead fluorescent lighting in her office is the problem. I experience the same symptoms from fluorescent lights, particularly the energy saver type. My optometrist explained it too me, but I don't remember the details. Thanks for keeping me laughing. Cathi Dear Cathi Change the monitor refresh rate from 60 Hz to 72Hz or anything other than 60. In addition to that, tilt the monitor forward a bit. Have FUN! DearWebby
The most remarkable thing about Ernie's mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Finding Leaks in an Air Mattress Get a thin sheet of tissue paper, the kind you use for wrapping gifts. Make sure the room is relatively quiet and the mattress is full. Lay the tissue paper on the mattress and let it rest. If the hole is under the paper, it will make a very audible hissing noise. If you don't hear any hissing after a few seconds, move the paper to cover another area. By Brian Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"I'm so worried," the nervous patient said as the nurse plumped up his pillows. "Last week, I read about a man who was in the hospital because of heart trouble and he died of malaria." "Relax" the nurse said, smiling. "This is a first-rate hospital. When we treat someone for heart trouble, he dies of heart trouble."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Clearwater National Forest
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 173 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1168 )
Dear Webby: Monitor causing burning eyes 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  March 3, 2009


Dreams say what they mean, but they don't say it in daytime language. --- Gail Godwin When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane. --- Hermann Hesse
Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table that said "Wake me at six." An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table: "It's six, you lazy bum! Get out of bed!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Burrowing Owl
was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when the CEO was standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said. turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lawrence Dove Sr., 61, Barrington, NJ Bank robber lives next to police BARRINGTON, N.J. (UPI) -- Authorities in New Jersey said a 61-year-old man accused of three bank robberies lives next door to a police station. The Camden County Prosecutor's Office said Lawrence Dove Sr., 61, was arrested Tuesday after his alleged third robbery at a Susquehanna Bank branch in Lawnside, N.J., the Camden Courier reported Thursday. Dove -- who is also accused of a Feb. 6 robbery at a Bank of America branch in Haddon Township and a Feb. 17 robbery at The Bank in Haddonfield -- lives next door to the Barrington municipal building and police department. Dove was seen near his home driving a car that matched a description of the vehicle used in the Susquehanna Bank robbery, prosecutors said. Police said during each of the robberies, Dove would hand a bank teller a note demanding money and would flee without openly displaying any weapons. Dove, who has not yet been indicted, was being held at the Camden County Correctional Facility in lieu of $225,000 bond.
Benny Cohen was pulled out of the ocean by a lifeguard. His wife ran over sobbing, "Benny! Benny, what happened?!" "Madam, please don't get hysterical," said the lifeguard. "I'm just going to give your husband some artificial respiration and he'll be fine." "What!" Mrs. Cohen yelled. "My Benny gets either real respiration or nothing."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Martina Re: Burning eyes Dear Webby, I have to work at the computer all day, but after three hours my eyes get sandy and burning, and my eyelids keep falling shut. Going outside with the smokers for five minutes clears the problem every time. My doctor told me to get a different job, but on weekends, I can work on my computer at home 12 - 14 hours and don't have any problem at all. What is your advice? Thanks Martina Dear Martina Turn down the brightness of your work computer and change the default background of open windows from white to a light blue. Beige or cornsilk works too for some people, but I would recommend that you try a light blue first. Have FUN! DearWebby
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question." "I'm sorry, your Honor," the startled witness said, "Five thousand is out of my league. I thought he was talking to you."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freezing Milk My family doesn't like drinking powdered milk. So to save money. I have a big freezer and when milk is on sale I buy a lot. I pour a little off each gallon into the milk bottle in the fridge and then I freeze the rest. when the milk in the fridge is getting low I just go to the freezer and pull out what I need. It takes about 24 hours for it to thaw. I just set the bottles in the sink and when they are almost completely thawed I put them in the fridge. I am never out of milk this way. By Suzanne Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing all by yourself."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Penny Postcards
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 276 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1252 )
Dear Webby, can I use two keyboards? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  March 2, 2009


More powerful than the will to win is the courage to begin. --- Socratex There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. --- Euripides (484 - 406 BC)
A guide is showing a Texan the Niagara Falls. "I'll bet you don't have anything like that in Texas!" "Nope, I reckon we don't," said the Texan. "But we've got plumbers who could fix it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

03 01 09. No gullible warming in Austria either.
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Joy Griffin, 37, of Dacula, Georgia Sex with public vacuum LAWRENCEVILLE, Ga. (UPI) -- A Georgia man said he was unharmed after a wild ride on the hood of a car he had attempted to block from leaving the scene of a collision. Eric Hefton, 36, said he was heading home with his wife and 10-year-old son when he spotted an elderly man chasing a Nissan Altima in the parking lot of a gas station in Lawrenceville, the Atlanta Journal- Constitution reported Tuesday. Hefton said he got out of his family car and stood in front of the Altima at a red light outside of the gas station. The elderly man, Richard Januszewski, told him that the woman driving the Altima had side-swiped his car in the parking lot. Hefton said the woman inched her car forward while he and Januszewski were standing in front of it and eventually sped off, flinging Hefton onto the windshield. He said the woman attempted to shake him off by braking, swerving and accelerating quickly, but he held on until the woman rear-ended another vehicle and came to a stop about a quarter of a mile from the gas station. Hefton said he was miraculously unhurt after the ordeal. The woman, identified as Jennifer Joy Griffin, told police she had taken anti-anxiety medication Xanax and anti-psychotic drug Seroquel prior to the incident. She was charged with aggravated assault, hit and run, reckless driving and driving under the influence. Hefton said the incident struck more terror in his son than any slasher film. “After everything my son said, ‘Why’d you do that?’ and I said I didn’t have a choice,” Hefton said. “It was either that or get run over.”
The drunk was brought into night court, having been picked up on suspicion of being the notorious night prowler. "What were you doing out at 3 A.M.?" the judge sternly queried. "I was going to a lecture." "A lecture at 3 A.M.?" The judge was scornful. "Oh, schure," said the drunk. "Schometimes my wife schtarts 'em even later than that."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Erika Re: Two keyboards Dear Webby, Can I use two keyboards on the same computer without an expensive KVM switch? I have to use a curved and split keyboard because of an injury, but everybody else, especially my students, find it hard to get used to. Thanks Erika Dear Erika KVM switches are used for using one keyboard to control two or more computers. You hit a hot key, and keyboard, video, mouse and audio flip to the next machine. In your case, you simply plug the second keyboard into a USB port. Some computers will recognize input from the second keyboard instantly, some drop the first keystroke. You get around that easily by hitting the right and left arrow keys before you start typing. Have FUN! DearWebby
A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate." the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preparing Clothing for Washing Before laundering clothing, close zipper, snap naps, fasteners, and button buttons. That way your zippers and fasteners won't snag other clothing. The best time to do this is before you toss clothing in the dirty clothes hamper. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Caller to a travel agency: "I want to go from Chicago to Bison, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent replied: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Bison anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. I got 2 cousins there ! Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "Do you by any chance mean Buffalo ?" Click
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Tiny Creatures from the Deep
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 138 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1178 )
Dear Webby: Synchronizing time 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  March 1, 2009


Laugh, and the world laughs with you, snore, and you sleep alone. --- Anthony Burgess A person who trusts no one can't be trusted. -- Jerome Blattner The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. -- Lucille Ball
A well worn dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty arrived at the bureau of Engraving and Printing to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to the shredder they struck up a conversation. The twenty reminisced about its travels all over the country. "I've had a pretty good life." the twenty proclaimed. "I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise from Miami." "Wow!" said the single, "you really have gotten around." "So tell me", says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?" "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Presbyterian Church, the Lutheran Church, the Catholic Church, the Orthodox Church, Assembly of God Church, the Brethren Church, the United Church of Christ, ...." And the twenty says, "What's a church?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church,just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked

Re yesterday's picture, from Roseann If the picture was of last night's moon and lonely star, I saw it all the way in Guyana too. So it looks like it wasn't that lonely after all. Roseann
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig." The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jason L. Savage, 29, of Swan Creek, Michigan Sex with public vacuum Thursday February 26, 2009, 7:16 AM Jason L. Savage pleaded no contest to indecent exposure in a sex act involving a Thomas Township car wash vacuum. Savage, 29, of 11615 Swan Creek in Swan Creek Township entered the plea Wednesday in Saginaw County Circuit Court. A no contest plea means a defendant doesn't contest the prosecutor's evidence and accepts the punishment. Prosecutors agreed to dismiss a charge of aggravated indecent exposure. Circuit Judge Fred L. Borchard will sentence Savage on Wednesday, March 25. He faces up to a year in jail. Savage admitted in court he was on parole for fourth-degree fleeing from a police officer Oct. 14, 2004. Borchard told Savage the Department of Corrections could find that he violated terms of his parole by admitting to committing a crime. The report said a Thomas Township resident saw "someone acting suspicious" at a car wash about 6:45 a.m. Oct. 16 at 7362 Gratiot. A Thomas Township police officer parked some distance away, approached on foot and caught the man in the act, investigators said.
Frustrated at always being corrected by his wife, Harold decided the next time it happened, he would have a comeback. That moment arrived soon enough, and he was ready. "You know," he challenged, "even a broken clock is right once a day." Gina looked at him and replied, "Twice a day."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Can't syncronize time Dear Webby, The clock on my computer goes about 4 minutes slow per month. I have been told, that is perfectly normal and to double-click the clock and click Internet time to syncronize it. However, when I try that, I just get an error that says Windows failed. Mark Dear Mark That is just your firewall not allowing the time server to tell your computer what to do. Just turn the firewall off for a minute, update the time, and turn the firewall on again. Have FUN! DearWebby
Junior was one of those holy terrors and dad was quite surprised when his wife suggested that they buy him a bike for his birthday. "Do you really believe that'll help improve his behavior ?" he asked. "Well, yes," she said, "it will be a lot more peaceful INSIDE the house."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 090301@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Prescription Bottle Sewing Kit You can use a prescription bottle to make a little sewing kit for travel or as a gift for a college student. It's the perfect size to fit a couple small spools of thread, a few needles, a needle threader, a thimble and some buttons. If you can find an old, brass cigarette case at a yard sale, they are even better.They open like a book, and have elastic straps in it to hold cigarettes in place. You can tuck foldable scissors, seam rippers, etc under the straps, stick an array of needles into the straps. For buttons I use the stamp size coin collector's ziplock baggies and tuck them under the straps on the other side. Don't lend it out! Nobody will voluntarily return it. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Q. The truth of the matter is that you are not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You too were shot in the fracas? A. No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Palm Trees
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





[ view entry ] ( 130 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1183 )

<<First <Back | 98 | 99 | 100 | 101 | 102 | 103 | 104 | 105 | 106 | 107 | Next> Last>>