$3 Earthlink Account 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, March 31, 2010


The strongest human instinct is to impart information, the second strongest is to resist it. --- Kenneth Grahame Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. --- Henry Ford
A lady goes into the local sporting goods store to buy a fishing rod to give to her husband for his birthday. A salesman wearing dark glasses with a dog is behind the counter and asks, "Can I help you ma'am ?" "Well, I'd like to buy a fishing rod, can you tell me about this one?" she answers. The salesman replies, "I'm sorry ma'am but I am blind and can not see the rod your referring too. However, if you'll drop it on the counter I'll tell you all about it as I can tell from the sound it makes." The lady picks up the rod, and does what he says and drops it on the counter. He belts "That's a Zebco 2500, fiberglass, 6.5', medium action - $15." Lady - "Wow !" She finds another and does the same. "Thats an Orion 35C, graphite, 6', light action - best used with ultralight tackle - $20." Very impressed the lady decides to buy the second one. As the man is ringing up the sale, the lady feels the gasses produced by the beans at lunch to rumble and escape, but feels no need to apologize as the salesman is blind and has no idea who she is. Salesman says, "That'll be $25." "TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS !? YOU SAID $20?" "That's right mam, $20 for the rod, $3 for the duck call, and $2 for the stinkfish bait."
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a university graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Iulian Breazu, 24, in Sibiu, Romania Dancing while drunk driving A Romanian lorry driver, who was filmed dancing while driving his lorry with his feet, has lost his licence for drink driving. Iulian Breazu, 24, became an internet sensation when the clip of him frantically gyrating around his cab was uploaded onto YouTube. Authorities in his native Romania have now put the brakes on his antics after he was caught behind the wheel at more than double the drink drive limit. Traffic police in Sibiu confiscated his licence for 90 days - and ordered him to take a safety test before he gets it back. "He has clearly had it coming and the road is a safer place without him on it," said one officer. The dopy driver horrified thousands of road users with his film of himself dancing around his truck cab to wild gypsy music.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Don Re: $3 Earthlink Dear Webby, I noticed your note about a $9 Earthlink account this morning. I have had Earthlink for a number of years and I have been very satisfied with the service. Since going to a broadband connection and wishing to keep my Earthlink address, I now subscribe to the service that does not provide any dial up access which is less than $3/month and I am able to still maintain my Earthlink address. I am sure you are aware of this but perhaps your subscribers are not. Don Calhoun, GA Dear Don Earthlink has so many different plans, I doubt that I know about more than half of them. Sometimes, it seems, they make up a brand new, even better deal, on the spur of the moment. It definitely pays to chat with them! I have used Earthlink when traveling since 1995 and as backup for whenever my local DSL fails, for the last 10 years. Thanks for telling us about the $3 piggy-back deal! Have FUN! DearWebby
Little Johnny sneaks up behind a girl and yells: "BOO!" "Hey!" exclaims the girl, you scared me half out of my pants!" Johnny responds: "BOO BOO BOO BOO BOO BOO!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rising Costs of 3D Movies Due to a recent a raise in the price of 3D movies you now are paying nearly $15 to see a movie in 3D in most areas. That's $5 more than seeing the non-3D version of the same movies. A family of four can save $20 by opting for the non-3D alternative. Lewis from Port Orchard, WA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In a traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a schoolteacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get to the school on time. A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "You're a schoolteacher, eh?" he said. "Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. I've waited years to have a schoolteacher in this court. Sit down at that table and write 500 times: ‘I drove through a red light even though I knew it is against the law.' !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Murphy like I do, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He climbed out of the vat three times to go to the men's room."

» Quarter backs
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Email sending limit 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, March 30, 2010


I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. --- Augusten Burroughs A clever man commits no minor blunders. --- Goethe
Thanks to Cookie for this: I was out with family and friends at a local pub, and I really stuck my foot in my mouth! They had a contest going on at the pub —and of course we all joined in. I was doing quite well, proud of being able to answer all the questions. I lost out on winning the pub quiz by one point. The question was, "Where do women mostly have curly hair?" Apparently its Africa
Adam and Eve must have had a great marriage. Adam couldn't talk about his Mother's cooking, and Eve couldn't mention all the men she could/should have married.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dorota Mildrowska in Otwock, Poland. Snake in suspect's bra Police arresting a suspected drug dealer got the shock of their lives when a 4ft snake suddenly nipped out of her bra. The python had been curled up around the breasts of suspect Dorota Mildrowska in Otwock, Poland. Police had arrested her over bags of amphetamines which they'd found at her apartment. Officers admitted they had not searched her immediately after her arrest to avoid breaching her human rights. "We respect human rights and so no one thought to look inside her blouse," said a police spokesman. They resisted the temptation to immediately shoot the snake, but are still researching how many laws Dorota broke.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann D Re: Can't send more than 3 lines Dear Webby, - have to keep this small. How can I check to see if I have clicked the wrong thing? Can't send out any but the smallest emails. Tried Eudora, Thunderbird and Outlook..no luck. Can you help? Thanks Ann Dear Ann You mentioned on Skype that "Anything over about 3 lines it says that my provider has terminated... or some such words...they haven't...spent hours with the "techs" at Shaw to try and see if it was them." Ann, when 3 totally different email programs produce exactly the same error, then the problem is not at your end, it is at your provider's end. The error "provider has terminated" spells it out clearly enough. You can easily prove it to them by getting a $9 Earthlink account, and then use Eudora to mail them a 25 MB PPS file. If they still argue, send them the same file again with Thunderbird and Outlook. Shaw has good connectivity, but they are traditionally very weak on the email side. Have FUN! DearWebby
Little Harold was practicing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Finally, when he could take it any longer, he jumped up, and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake, Harold, can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!" ------ That reminds me, ... do you know the main difference between a violin and a viola ? A viola burns longer.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Picking Up Straight Pins I've been sewing on my kitchen table without using a pin cushion because I couldn't find it! So I took a lint brush, the sticky kind, to gather up the straight pins instead of sticking my fingers. Works great! By Tammy from NovaScotia, Canada Any magnet, even a fridge magnet, works fine too. Best are the flexible strip magnets for hanging up screwdrivers and pliers. If you glue a bit of sheet metal to the outside of your sewing box, you can attach the strip there. Needles, thimbles or scissors tossed in the general direction of the strip get snagged out of mid-air and neatly held. When done, you just peel the strip off the sheet metal anchor and toss it into the sewing box. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water wiggled about, happy as a worm in water could be. Then he put the second worm into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked. Little Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "If you drink whiskey you won't get worms!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."

» Water Drop
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Facebook Virus? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, March 29, 2010


All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. --- George Orwell A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. --- Evan Esar
3 year-old Kelli went with her neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the Host-in, this practise case, a piece of bread- he says: "God be with you." Apparently this made quite an impression on Kelli. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelli took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice: "God will get you."
Two writers of modern poetry who had been bitter rivals for years met on a busy street corner. "You know, since we last met, my audience has increased!" the first said. "Congratulations!" the second one said. "How did you do it? By marriage or by adoption? "

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Krystal Gardner, 28, of Tool, Texas Woman tosses baby into SUV to block repo Mar 25, 4:18 AM (ET) DALLAS (AP) - A woman is accused of throwing her year-old son into her SUV in a failed attempt to stop the vehicle from being repossessed in Dallas. Krystal Gardner of Tool was jailed Wednesday on bail of nearly $3,800 on charges including child endangerment related to abandonment, no driver's license and no insurance. Recovery agent Luke Ross told KTVT-TV that he was in the Ford Expedition when he saw Gardner toss the baby through an open window. He said the baby landed on the seat "like a kid bouncing on a bed." Texas law bans a vehicle from being repossessed if a person is inside. Police were called. Krystal Gardner was arrested, the baby was removed for placement with his father. Ross then repossessed the SUV.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bertha Re: Facebook Virus Dear Webby, a couple of weeks ago, earthlink sent an email saying they would not deliver an email from facebook , I had deactivated the account because it had a virus, today someone sent me a note from there, when I went to log on to facebook, I had a note saying that there was a virus at the facebook account.. what do you suggest, I want to get in there and delete my account but I am afraid to, and I do not have virus protection. your expert advice is appreciated.. Bertha Dear Bertha I don't think you can infect Facebook. They don't use Windows, they use Linux. Most likely your computer is already infected. Those fake Facebook Virus messages are probably from the infection in your computer, not from Facebook. By not using virus protection, you are contributing to the spread of viruses. Have FUN! DearWebby
Wife: "I'm happy to see that the neighbors finally returned our lawn mower before they moved. They certainly had it long enough." Husband: "*Our* lawn mower? I just bought it at the garage sale they're having."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Q-Tips to Apply Goo Gone I absolutely LOVE the product Goo Gone! I use it a lot! I have discovered a very economical way to use this product. First, I buy the large package of cotton swabs at the Dollar Tree for $1.00. There were 300 swabs in the package that I purchased. Second, you can find a small bottle of Goo Gone also at the Dollar Tree. When I need to use Goo Gone, I simply put the tip of the cotton swab at the opening of the Goo Gone. I put just enough Goo Gone to fill the tip and begin using the loaded cotton swab on the stickiness that I need to remove. I use the stem of the swab as my tool to work the sticky off the surface. If I don't need to use the other end, I just pop the swab into two pieces and discard the used side. I save the other end for the next time. By Southeastgeorgiapeach from Jesup, GA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One day little Johnny was in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decided to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked. "My budgie bird died and I'm burying him," Johnny replied. "That's an awful big hole for a little bird, ain't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your big, fat, dead cat!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets to the gates there are two lines. One has a sign over it that States "I did everything my wife told me to." The second line has a sign that states, "I made my own decisions." Joe comes up and gets in the first line that wraps around and around and goes on for eternity. As he's standing there he notices the second line only had one man standing in it. He asks the guys in front of him, "Who does he think he is? Yeah right he made his own decisions. " After long thought and not coming up with any reason for why this man was standing in the line by himself he goes up to him asks why he is in that line. The man replies, "I don't really know. My wife told me to stand over here."

» Unseen Academicals
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Are computers getting dumber? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, March 28, 2010


Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. --- W. C. Fields All phone calls are obscene. --- Karen Elizabeth Gordon Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens. --- Nick Diamos
On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?" Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
Seen on a T-shirt: "I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?"
Thanks to dad for this picture: Echinomastus-acunensis
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Memeth J in Basel, Switzerland Too hot to handle A punter's night in a transexual brothel turned out hotter than he'd bargained for when a fire swept through the place trapping him naked on the balcony. The horrified customer risked burning to death rather than reveal his face once he realised TV crews and cameramen were watching the blaze in Basel, Switzerland. He was only persuaded to leave the balcony when firefighters promised to let him cover his face. "I just hope people can't tell who I am from my bottom," explained the punter, identified only as Memeth J by police to spare his blushes. "I'm gay and was visiting a friend but my family don't know about me so I couldn't show my face."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alexa Re: Computers getting dumber Dear Webby, Is it just me, or is it true that the quality and performance of laptops has gone down? You can't even get any with regular screens any more, just the low height rejects. Are they keeping the ones, that are good enough for regular screens for first class countries? The same goes for the Operating System. Nobody, except a few paid magazine writers, wants that flakey Vista or W7 that Microslop is trying to force down our throats. I have tried them on other people's computers, and both Vista and W7 are pathetic. I am not a conspiracy fanatic, but it sure feels to me as if something is afoot to dumb down the masses to the same pathetic level our education system is in. Is it just me, or is that what is going on? Alexa Dear Alexa I was at the computer store today, getting a cable, when I witnessed an incident, that really opened my eyes. There was this lady, who, judging by her posture, vocabulary, and volume must have been a drill sergeant, or maybe she still is. She was extremely displeased about all the shiny new laptops there having the sawed off low height screens, and called the prim and proper salesman a "Useless Skunk-fu***r" for trying to ram sawed off rejects at Americans, while Asians get the good full size screens. I admit, she had a very valid point there, and she sure got it across at max volume. Shy and demure were probably the only words not in her vocabulary. Then she realized that all machines were pre-loaded with Windows 7, and really got hostile. When it looked like she was going to toss the salesman through the display isle any moment, I tapped her on the shoulder, and motioned "Outside" with my head. I'll say this for her, she was instantly in control, stopped in mid word and followed me outside. There I suggested that she not waste her time with those idiots, just go to Staples online and buy a refurb XP laptop with regular screen for $350, to tide her over until she could order a decent new machine from Asia or Europe. Chances are, though, that a refurb like that will do her just fine for many years. That sure made her day! Alexa, hopefully that information will help you too. Yes, there is indeed something nefarious going on, when people have to buy refurbished old machines, if getting work done is a priority. The new ones are just not good enough. I too use those refurb XP machines from Staples. They have good 4:3 ratio screens, not the sawed off rejects, and they come pre-loaded with XP-Pro. AND, Staples delivers them without charge. They can't keep them stocked in stores, but ship them instantly, if you order them online. By the way, they ship it in a box stuffed with wadded up recyclable brown paper, that you can toss onto the compost pile. No hassle with foam and plastic. Have FUN! DearWebby
In the toilet at a client's office, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!" The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "THOAP!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Install a Carbon Monoxide Detector Carbon Monoxide Detector (Too lng to print here) Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologised and said he didn't realise that a little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years!!!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Printed sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handwritten sign nearby: Window frightened.

» Touchables
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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No sound in PPS 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, March 27, 2010


No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately. --- Michel de Montaigne The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. --- Flannery O'Connor
Thanks to Carol for sending this link to today's new volcano Awesome pictures!
Thanks to Dianne for this story: A Jewish woman goes to see her Rabbi in Bnei Brak ( a town in Israel ). ' 'Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me,'' she says. ' 'Who will be the lucky one?'' The wise old Rabbi answers: "Yankele will marry you. Yosele will be the lucky one."
A father says, "Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family." Son replied, "Dad, why would I marry a girl who believes I'm a schmuck?"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an improperly dressed drunk in Sudbury, Ontario Sent in by Jackie Man in underwear charged with impaired driving SUDBURY, Ont. - A man who showed up at a convenience store in sub-zero weather wearing only a jacket and underwear has been charged with impaired driving offences. Sudbury police said when officers arrived at the store Thursday night, they determined the man was intoxicated and had driven to the store. His car was towed and police suspended his licence for 90 days. The 41-year-old man is charged with impaired operation of a motor vehicle and blowing over the legal alcohol limit for driving.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cookie Re: No sound in PPS Dear Webby, I use ‘Open Office” as you advised but…I cannot get sound when I play pps files in it. Can you help me out with this problem? Thanks, Cookie Dear Cookie Hit F5 to play the PPS. It knows that usually you just try to snag pictures, so it opens that way by default. F5 switches to Auto-Play. ESC switches back. Have FUN! DearWebby
While enjoying an Early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona truckstop, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days." Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and Bea celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our 25th anniversary, I took Bea to Mesa. Maybe for our 50th, I'll go down there and visit her."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reviving Limp Celery and Carrots I had some celery in my fridge which had gone really soft and limp. I was complaining about it to a friend (since it was almost an entire stalk!) and he told me that the celery was just dehydrated and it was easy to get it back to its original state. Just cut the bottom of the stalk, then use a pitcher or vase, fill with water and put your celery in. Within a few days it will be crisp again! This can also be done with carrots (bottom part at the bottom of the pitcher). By Lisa from Halifax, NS Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Woman's Quote of the Day: "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with." Men's Counter-Quote of the Day: "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
An obstetrician sometimes saw rather unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. "That sure is an unusual looking whale," he commented. With a sad smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin."

» TV Theme Song Quiz
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Fix ActiveX problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, March 26, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops


And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --- Abraham Lincoln I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. --- Bill Hoest
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!"
You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." the man explained. "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. "I spent a lot of time in the great outdoors."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 53 year old drunk driving mother in Detroit Detroit mother arrested for being drunk while driving to daughter's school Police arrested a Detroit mother on a charge of drunken driving, after her daughter refused to get into the car with her as the woman tried to pick the girl up from Ferndale High School on Friday mid-afternoon. The woman was arraigned Saturday on charges of driving drunk, fourth offense; driving with a suspended license, and possession of marijuana. A field sobriety test found the woman's blood-alcohol level at 0.28, more than three times the legal limit of 0.08, Ferndale Police Lt. William Wilson said. She was given a $56,000 cash bond at her arraignment in 43rd District Court and is being held in the Oakland County Jail, Wilson said. "This is a serious case with the repeat offenses, and going right on the school grounds, makes it extremely treacherous," Wilson said Monday. School staff called police after the woman, 53, appeared drunk when she asked the principal to call her daughter out of class about 3:30 p.m. Her daughter refused to get into the car with her. The Free Press is not naming the woman to avoid racial profiling and to protect the girl's identity. A responding Ferndale police officer watched the woman try to park the car, administered sobriety tests and then arrested her. Investigators who searched the car found marijuana and the prescription drug Xanax. A computer check showed that the woman had been convicted of drunken driving four times, was driving with a suspended license and had a warrant out for her arrest, Wilson said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alice Re: Active X not working Dear Webby, Thanks for all the great information, laughs, and just plain good fun. I soo need your help. I recieved a message on my PC that my Active x is turned off, therefore, I'm unable to see all of the graphics. I am using a Dell Office Pro PCw/ Internet Explorer XP. Please Tell me how to either turn it back on, or how to re-install it. Thank you so very much. Alice Dear Alice From Settings, Control Panel in the Start menu, or from Tools on the Internet Explorer menu bar, select Internet Options. Click on the Security tab, then the Custom Level button. Then click on the checkmarks for ActiveX (there is more than one). That should do the trick. If you use FireFox, you don't have to worry about ActiveX. Have FUN! DearWebby
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?" Joe answered the correct airline. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And John answered, "Mom."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycle Wood Shavings in the Garden Place wood shavings around your plants to prevent them from getting sandy from rain or watering. This also retains moisture, conserving water, and prevents weeds from growing through. Wood shavings can be bought at many garden shops. They may also be available from cabinet builders or wood workers. By Marilyn from Colfax, LA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A lady came to the hospital to visit a friend. She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology. A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. "Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing," she said. "So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning machine."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, 'intelligence'?" The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand at the last moment, and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!" The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, Take your shovel and hit my hand."

» Lilies Wild & Tame
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HP.exe problem and Sasser worm 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, March 25, 2010


Q: What was the most positive result of the “Cash for clunkers” program? A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road. --- Letterman
A young couple had a flat tire outside the fence of a mental institution. The wife was leery of the inmates wandering inside the compound, but there was a swift creek separating them and her husband said it was OK. He took off the four lug nuts and set them into the hubcap to keep them from rolling away. Well, when he rolled the spare tire along the car, he rolled it over the edge of the hubcap and the nuts went flying into the creek. He tried wrapping a coathanger around the lug bolts, but as soon as he lowered the car, the wheel popped off to the great amusement of the spectators behind the fence. After a few more similarly hilarious attempts, finally an inmate behind the fence told the young man to take one nut from each of the other tires and put them on the spare. It would be safe enough to get them to a service station a few miles away. "That's pretty smart for a guy in your place," the husband said. The inmate replied: "I may be crary, but I'm not stupid."
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Nicalaskey and Cesasr Alvarez-Jennings and two women in Anchorage, Alaska Teens steal pizza, face SWAT team Written by Jason Zasky as part of Failure Analysis March 23—The pizza at Sicily’s in Anchorage, Alaska, must be really, really good. So good that it’s worth dying for—or at least spending years in prison. On Sunday night, four youths—two 19-year-old males and two females (ages unknown)—robbed a Sicily’s Pizza delivery driver at gunpoint. The driver resisted and a struggle ensued, but the quartet eventually secured the pizza and ran off. They did not take the driver’s money. The driver followed one of the females—who apparently wasn’t as fleet of foot as her accomplices—to a nearby apartment. When Anchorage police arrived on the scene they took the slow girl into custody, but the males—Joseph Nicalaskey and Cesasr Alvarez-Jennings—and the other female barricaded the door and refused to come out. “They communicated to the officers that they knew they were going to jail and didn’t want to come out because they wanted to eat the pizza,” said Lt. Dave Parker. Police subsequently called in a SWAT team, which broke into the apartment and arrested the trio. The males were charged with first-degree robbery, third-degree assault, and resisting an officer. The females were charged with robbery and assault. Read more: http://failuremag.com/index.php/failure ... z0j9twMA8G
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helen Re: HP.ex and Lsass problem Dear Webby I have been receiving this error message at start-up for a few days, Runner Error: Runner file name (Updates from HP.exe) lacks a '-' and I have no idea how to deal with it. In addition, I have received an error message twice this week telling me that my system was going to be shut down and re-started. I was given 60 seconds to close all programs. I only had time to write down part of the message that referenced lsass.exe. Any idea if this could be caused by a virus? I am running BitDefender on Windows XP. I assume these are two separate problems, but I really don't know. Any information or suggstions you might have would, once again, be greatly appreciated! Thank you, Webby! Helen Dear Helen That could be a problem with the HP software. Try HP Support chat: http://www.hp.com/country/us/en/supp...isplay=support Enter your model number, then on the bottom right it should give you the online chat support option. HP support is not nearly as bad on the text chat as they are on the phone. It could also be that your machine is infected with the Sasser (lsass) worm, but HP should be able to tell you whether the HP.exe is acting like the Sasser worm, or if HP is only one or a bunch of problems. The 60 second shutdown warning is actually a typical sign of the Sasser worm. The most common sign is that your machine will indicate that there is a problem and will reboot in 60 seconds. The message caused by Sasser should indicate that the problem is in LSASS.EXE. Another sign of infection is that it will prevent you from going to or downloading McAfee or any anti-virus programs that can kill the worm. It doesn't block the freebie programs that are no threat to it. There are quite a few programs on the net that can get rid of Sasser. Look for one that is not currently blocked by your worm. Good Luck! DearWebby
A Congressman is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house." "Not in the House," her husband says. "In the Senate, yes, for sure, my dear, but in the House we don't call each other thieves."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Your Kids School Projects As our children grow, we save a lot of the "odd" things they make at school, church, etc. In scrapbooking, it is impossible to include most of those items. You don't want to toss it, "Timmy made it" for me. So do the next best thing and then you can scrapbook it and "scrap it" too! Take a clear photo of the item, place it in your scrapbook and journal the details, then toss the item. If you think your child might want to see it one last time, ask if they do first. Otherwise, you have the memory but not the box of stuff you have nothing else you can use it for. By Robin from Dover, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Joe, John and Big Bob were moving furniture. While Joe and John were struggling with a particularly heavy oak wardrobe. Joe noticed that Big Bob was nowhere in sight. "John, where's Big Bob?" asked Joe. "He should be helping us with this thing." "He is helping," said John, "He's inside holding the clothes hangers in place!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The President was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no," muttered the President, "Well, let me have the bad news first." "The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet." "Gosh, and the good news?" "The good news, sir, is that they eat treehuggers and politicians, and they sweat gasoline."

» Popular Science 1950 Edition
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Cleaning keyboards 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, March 24, 2010


Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass-produced with unskilled labor. --- Werner von Braun
A southern woman was rushing to get ready for church. She ran frantically throughout her house, tore through her closet, threw her clothes over her head and ran out the door to her car. When she arrived at the church, she saw a man coming towards her. "Tell - me," she panted in her southern drawl, "is - m - ass - out?" "Nope," the man replied, but yer hat's on crooked."
Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Carly Houston, 29 of naperville, Illinois Sent in by Jackie Z Jailed woman called 911 A woman who was arrested and thrown in a jail cell was charged again while sitting in her cell after she allegedly made a call to 911 saying she was "trapped." The Naperville Sun newspaper reports Carly Houston was arrested early Sunday morning in Naperville, Illinois, after she allegedly got in a heated argument with a cab driver. Police told the 29-year-old Chicago woman she could call a relative or friend to come post her bail. Instead, the woman allegedly called 911, telling the dispatcher she was "trapped inside the Naperville police detention facility." The newspaper reports Houston was initially charged with theft of labour or services, criminal trespass and disorderly conduct. She was later also charged with making a false 911 report. http://www.torontosun.com/news/weird/20 ... 28111.html
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Cleaning keyboard Dear Webby We had an argument at work about cleaning keyboards with canned air. I distinctly remember that you got quite irate about that idea a few times. Do you still feel that way about it? Frank Dear Frank Yes, and I always will feel that way about it. I highly recommend turning the keyboard upside down, and repeatedly and emphatically beat anybody, who wants to use canned air, over the head with it. That will shake all the cookie crumbs, paperclips, french-fry fragments, etc. out and won't hurt the keyboard at all. Then, if you didn't hit the bonehead hard enough or often enough, use a vacuum cleaner to get any remaining dirt out. After that, spray it lightly with Window cleaner and wipe it with a moist, but not dripping, soft sponge. Dry with an old t-shirt rag or any soft and absorbent rag. Canned air contains difluoroethane, or propane, or similar propellant, and is explosive, when used indoors. Or in vehicles. The guy who used canned air in this truck had to spend four days in hospital afterward. I bet he would have preferred it, if some kind soul had gonged him with a keyboard and 'splained things to him before he did that. In addition to that, dumb kids "huff" that stuff, because it makes them feel dopey, and every year a few of them die from that. Why risk all that, just to blow dirt from place A to place B? If you don't have a bonehead talking in favor of using canned air, or recommending VISTA, stick the keyboard into a garbage bag, and bash it upside down onto a desk or the floor. All the dirt will fly out of it and be neatly contained in the bag. Then vacuum, spray, wipe and dry it, and it is clean. Have FUN! DearWebby
A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm. "This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather for the remaining of the shoot. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?" The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "My TV is broken."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Be Grateful for What You Have The recession has taught me the difference between wants and needs, and how grateful I am to have a warm home, loving family and friends. Some things money just can't buy! By Mary from Marshalltown, IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Linda said: The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him, "Oh I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer. "Look at it this way." he said finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die?" "Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't think that'd be any concern of mine -- long as she behaves herself while I'm alive."

» Aurorae
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Is there an F1 Virus? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled. --- Michael Crichton
The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a romeo, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained a girl's name and address, and asked the recipient to send a photograph. How romantic, he thought to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a photo.Heart aflutter, he opened her response. It read, "Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a goofy shirt."
Thanks to my dad for thios picture: This one bloomed today.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Mercado, 20, New York Juror accused of credit card theft NEW YORK (UPI) -- Police in New York said a juror in a credit card theft trial allegedly stole a fellow juror's credit card to use on lunch break shopping sprees. Investigators said Jennifer Mercado, 20, who was sitting on a jury for a burglary, grand larceny and possession of a stolen credit card trial, allegedly swiped fellow juror John Postrk's American Express card and used it to buy $500 worth of merchandise, the New York Daily News reported. Mercado claimed Postrk, 49, gave her permission to use the card March 8 because "he came on to me." "It's a he-said, she-said situation. In court, they will find out he's lying," she said. Postrk said prosecutors have asked him not to speak about the case. Mercado, who was removed from the jury, was arrested March 12 and charged with grand larceny, stolen property, identity theft and unlawful use of a credit card. She faces up to four years in prison if convicted.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Moo Mom Re: Is there an F1 Virus? Webby? Is there such a thing as F 1 Key Virus going around ???????????? Some one sent me something as a virus warning for this. Thanks, Moo Mom Dear Moo Mom Yes, there is indeed a virus that activates when you hit F1 AFTER an email or page tells you to do that. If any email or page tells you to hit F1, get outa there fast! Without clicking on anything at all. Hitting F1 is OK if it is your own idea, and not somebody elses, but even then it is safer to click on HELP than hitting F1. Have FUN! DearWebby
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save and Reuse Snack Containers When I purchase pudding, yogurt or even jello, I save the plastic containers and wash them thoroughly with soap and water. They are the right size to either put snack such as raisins or trail mix in for kids. They are the perfect size to put paint and water in when kids want to paint. I love this because the containers are small enough for kids to hold. My daughter loves it. By Chris from Ohio Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door. "Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked. "Sure is. He's over to the cow barn." "Well, I got something to show him, Ma'am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?" "Shouldn't have any difficulties... He's the one with the beard and mustache, - and no horns."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A man entered the florist shop and ordered a bouquet of flowers to be delivered to his wife. When asked what he wanted on the card, he replied that no card was necessary as she'd know who they came from. Shortly after the flowers were delivered, the florist received a frantic phone call from the wife asking who had sent the flowers. The florist told her that the sender requested no card be included. "Please, I've GOT to know WHO sent these flowers BEFORE my husband comes home for lunch!"

» Gypsy Vanner
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Alternative to WinZip 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, March 22, 2010


An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered. --- G. K. Chesterton Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another. --- Anatole France
A woman called in a repairman to fix her television. Just as he finished, the woman heard her husband's key in the lock. "Hurry," she said to the repairman, "you'll have to hide. My husband is insanely jealous." There was no time to run out the back door, so the repairman hid inside the TV console. The husband came in and plopped down in his favorite chair to watch some football. Inside the TV, the repairman was all squashed up and getting hotter and hotter. Finally, he couldn't stand it anymore. He climbed out, marched across the room and out the front door. The husband looked at the TV set, looked at his wife, looked back at the set again and said, "I didn't see the referee send that guy off the field, did you?
Thanks to Donna for this picture: We live in Plano (Collin County) TX..population a little over 200,000 and about 20 miles north of Dallas. Sure enjoy your newsletter and all of your expertise. I save all of your hints in a folder aptly named Webby's Hints for future reference. Donna
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dragutin Cabor, 19, of Edmonton, Alberta Sent in by Jackie Z Thief busted after flipping off cops KENORA, Ont. -- In hindsight, an Edmonton man should have let the Kenora OPP officer pass him by without drawing attention to himself. However, after waving his hands at a passing officer on patrol in the area of Highway 17A and Highway 641 and continuing to the point of a rude gesture, the hitchhiker had the officer at the point of feeling a need to address the subject's actions. The officer learned the man wanted a ride to the nearest town. After some discussion the officer chose to assist the man and in the process became aware of two credit cards that did not belong to him. The officer decided to look further into the property in his possession. The investigation revealed the man was in possession of two stolen credit cards, stolen GPS, iPod charger and a Black Berry which he had obtained from various sources while travelling through Winnipeg. Dragutin Cabor, 19, of Edmonton has been charged with possession of property obtained by crime. http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2 ... 6-qmi.html
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mike Re: Win Zip alternative Hi Webby Is there anything else I can use besides Win Zip to open Zip files ? Mike in Nevada Hi Mike Yes, sure! There are lots of zip programs available free. One that comes to mind is 7-zip from http://www.7-zip.org/ Have FUN! DearWebby
Two old farmers were discussing how productive their bulls were. One farmer said he had a problem with his bull but the vet gave him some medicine and he was jumping on everything on the farm. The other farmer said his bull was not doing to well either and asked what medicine the vet used so he could get some. The first farmer said he didn't know the name of the medicine but it tasted like chocolate.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an "Old" Slipper for Waxing Floors This is a cleaning tip with funny story! I was preparing to wax my floor the "old fashioned way" as my mom always did, on my hands and knees, when I remembered a pair of plush slippers that my daughter just threw out due to a crack along the bottom of them. Since I didn't have the waxing mop that this product called for, I just slipped my hand into the slipper and turned it upside down on my hand and used the top portion of her slippers! I really felt like a genius until I slipped out of my new slippers into shoes to get the mail and upon my return, accidentally grabbed and used my new slippers to finish the waxing job! Guess I need to change my name from AHA to HAHA! Keep Smiling! Source: This could ONLY come from MY MIND! ;) By AHA! from Sterling, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Q: What is the difference between a psychotic and a neurotic? A: A psychotic thinks that 2 plus 2 makes 5. A neurotic KNOWS that 2 plus 2 makes 4 -- but that is just not good enough for her. (or him)
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession of marijuana when they were found naked, each smoking a joint, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the town square. The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to reach either parent. Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer." "Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a pizza."

» Lens Captures
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Can I use Irfanview for re-sizing? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, March 21, 2010


If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was 'all torn up'. "What happened?" he asked. "Well," explained the patient, "we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck." "Go on," the friend said. He continued, "Well, at mid day the shadows and the lit parts of the jungle sometimes make it difficult to see every detail, so when I sneaked up to the snake lying across the jungle path, I pounced on it in a flying leap, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as the procedure goes." "So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked. The patient said slowly, "Did you ever goose a *tiger*?"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an American illegal border crosser. Sent in by Jackie Z Bordercrosser with axe, guns on bike stopped by cops By QMI Agency Saskatoon police have arrested a man they say crossed the border from the U.S. on a bike, carrying guns and an axe. The man, whose name hasn't been released, crossed over into Bromhead, Saskatchewan., according to a police statement. He faces five customs charges and nine weapons charges, and is set to appear in court on March 22. Police say the man told officers he was en route to visit a friend in Regina, and meant no harm. http://www.torontosun.com/news/canada/2 ... 94331.html
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Can I use Irfanview for re-sizing? Dear Webby, These pics are very unusual. They are very colorful. Thanks for sharing. You talked about infaview for viewing & some editing of photos. Are there any other good free programs to use to edit photos. I mainly want to be able to open & resize pictures & lighten them. I usually try to resize them to 480H x 640W to email them & put on disk to save. I was using Microsoft Picture It 7 but after having my pc reformatted I can't access it the way I used too. Thanks again for sharing your tips & humor with us. Sharon Dear Sharon yes, Irfanview would do nicely for that. There is a link to it in my Tool Box Just above that, there is a link to GIMP. Many people claim that the free GIMP is just as good as the $900 Adobe Photoshop. Personally, I use PaintShopPro, and have used it for 20 years now. If I didn't have PaintShopPro, I would probably use GIMP, because for what I do, it would be difficult to justify $900. Have FUN! DearWebby
I have been asked for more church bulletin board Ooopses. Most of these I have printed before at various times, but here is a batch that you can take to church today: *Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication. *If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. *We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. *Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford" *Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. *Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight. *Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. *The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. *The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church board. *As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. *Fifth Sinday is Lent. *Thank you dead friends. *Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. *Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. *Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits. *For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. *Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. *Definition: Persons who are shut-in during bath weather. *Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas. *The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working... *Volunteers are needed to spit up food. *Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess *We pray that our people will jumble themselves.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Today's tip is too long to fit here. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A bunch of guys decided one morning that they would go deer hunting. So they all piled into the station wagon with their guns and took off down the road looking for a place to go hunting. After driving awhile they came across an old farm house with a large spread of woods behind it. One of the guys went to the door and asked the farmer if they could hunt in his woods. When asked, the farmer said "Yes, sure, but would you do me a favor? The ol' bull in the corall there beside the house is on his last legs and I know he is sufferin', would you kindly put him down for me? I don' have the heart to." As the hunter walked back to the station wagon, he decided to play a prank on his fellow hunters. So when he got back to the station wagon he pulled out his rifle and said "..I'll teach that old coot for not letting us hunt on his property!" and shot the old bull. After he fired the shot, he heard another shot and another one, and one of the other hunters proclaim, "Yea, we'll show him... I got the cow and the calf, too!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Linda went into the local bookstore and saw this big display with a sign saying "Newly Translated from the Original French: 37 Mating Positions." Noticing the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, she just had to buy one. Once safely at home, she opened it and found that she had just purchased a very expensive book about chess.

» Honey
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Irfanview for printing PPS pictures 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, March 20, 2010


The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. --- Larry Hardiman The only people who listen to both sides of an argument are the neighbors. --- Socratex
A class from a nearby university was visiting a major drug manufacturer. The tour guide led the students to a glass- enclosed room. They could see several people in white lab coats. With her back to the glass, the guide announced: "In this room researchers are actively searching for a cure for cancer." She stopped short as the group broke out laughing. Puzzled, the guide turned to look. Through the glass she saw three scientists in animated debate, flipping through the pages of a Boston Pizza menu.
A minister, a priest and a rabbi were enjoying the serenity of a country dipping pond. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, a group of very old ladies from town approached them. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied: "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, it's my FACE that they would recognize."
Sea Slugs
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 20 year old former driver in Kelowna, BC Sent in by Jackie Z Smoking pot next to cop KELOWNA, B.C. — Lesson one for new drivers - don‘t drive and smoke pot from your bong next to a police van. A 20-year-old Kelowna, B.C., man learned that the hard way when a prisoner van covered with RCMP decals pulled up next to his passenger side at a red light. The driver reached for a glass bong, placed marijuana in the bowl, lit it and inhaled the smoke. “The policeman (was) right there, not more than five feet away,” said RCMP Const. Steve Holmes. “Clearly, the driver was oblivious to the large, white, fully marked police van.” Holmes said the Mountie pulled the man over and smelled the burning pot inside his car, which contained a small amount of cannabis and displayed an N sticker to designate a new driver. The man received a 24-hour driving suspension for operating a vehicle under the influence and a ticket for driving without reasonable consideration. The car was towed away, and the Insurance Corp. of B.C. must now determine whether he should be allowed to keep driving, Holmes said. (Kelowna Daily Courier) -------- BC is Canada's equivalent of California.Very Socialist, even the mandatory car insurance (ICBC) is run by the provincial Goverment. If they cancel his insurance, without refund, the car stays off the road. And just like in California, a lot of people in BC are not really sure, if Marijuana is legal or not. The RCMP is more interested in hard drugs, but obviously, blowing smoke at them is not a good idea.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Irfanview Dear Webby, do you know anything about downloading Irfanview? Is it worth downloading and what is it used for? Someone told me you can print pictures from a power point picture with it. As always, I respect your thoughts and enjoy all that you send us. Carolyn Dear Carolyn Irfanview is a fairly good image viewer, and because it is free, it is quite popular. If you don't have a real graphics program like PaintShopPro, Corel Draw, Photoshop or GIMP, it is definitely helpful. You can do some basic graphic editing like resizing, cropping, rotating, sharpening, etc., but the user interface definitely takes some getting used to. Like PaintShopPro, it is easy on the computer resources, and won't bog down the machine. If you want to go a bit further than the very basics, there are a bunch of plug-ins that you can download and add into it. Keep in mind, though, it is intended as a VIEWER, with occasional, rare editing, not as a full featured graphics program. If you just want to print some pictures from a Powerpoint presentation, you can use Open Office. Just set the printer to for example Landscape, sized to fit the page, then go to the picture that you want, and hit the printer icon. Just don't tell the kids, or your ink will be empty. Have FUN! DearWebby
A preacher was really hitting his stride one Sunday, delivering a sermon on sin. "Is there anyone here who is without SIN?" he shouted, glowering at the congregation. Embarrassed parishioners stirred nervously in their seats, but no one stood. Feeling he really had them this time, the preacher roared, "Is there anyone here who thinks he or she is PERFECT?" One small man, seated next to a rather imposing woman, rose nervously to his feet. "So, Brother Jones, you think YOU are PERFECT?" Quietly the man replied, "No, Reverend, I'm just standing for my wife's previous husband."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Eliminating Leftovers and Food Waste It seems I am the only person in my home that will eat leftovers. Would you throw cold hard cash in the garbage pail or down the garbage disposal? Of course not, but allowing leftovers to go uneaten or allowing dairy products and produce to go bad is the equivalent of throwing money away. To demonstrate this, try this experiment for one week: Each time you throw a meal size serving into the garbage, set aside $2 (the approximate cost of a Lean Cuisine meal). In the same fashion, set aside the equivalent cash for each container of milk, sour cream, half consumed bottles of pop, half eaten pop tarts, bags of chips and stale or moldy sandwich bread you dispose of. You will be appalled at the amount of money you are throwing away! I guarantee if you do this for several weeks you will reduce your grocery bills. Plan on having a leftover meal a week to use up those leftovers or freeze and take in your lunch instead of purchasing a frozen meal. Do not purchase perishable items unless you have a plan to use them before they expire. As potatoes or onions near their shelf life, cut and freeze for hash browns or to use in casseroles in the future. Place a large container in the freezer and place tablespoons of vegetables or roast beef into it. When the container is full, we add a can of tomato sauce and have a deliciously rich beef vegetable soup. This is a great way to use up leftover vegetables! With a bit of practice you can slash your grocery bills and stop throwing money away - literally! By Diana from Prospect, KY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An American journalist was stopped at a Russian Checkpoint in Chechnya. The Russian soldier said, "Get out of the car and open the trunk!" The American replied, "I'm sorry, but the handbrake on the rental car is broken. I can't take my foot off the brake or it'll roll back down the hill." So the Russian says, "Do you take me for a FOOL?!" as he slides into the passenger seat, and stamps his big boot onto the brake pedal. "Now, go and open the trunk!" So the journalist reluctantly complies with the soldiers request and goes and opens the trunk of the car. "Now", shouts the Russian from inside the car, "Is there any contraband in there?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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When Patty, was very young, she was allowed to have her best friend, a boy named Rory, over to spend the night. As the children grew toward adolescence, their parents knew that someday the sleepovers would have to end. One night, when Rory and his family were visiting, everyone gathered around the television to watch the Miss America pageant. When Patty asked if Rory could stay over, the parents hesitated, wondering if the time had finally come to discontinue the tradition. At that moment, the pageant host announced a contestant's measurements: 38-22-34. "Rory," his mom asked, "what are those numbers?" The boy thought for only a moment before responding, "Ninety-four?" Rory got to spend the night....

» Behind 4 civic groups
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Juno for DSL 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, March 19, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps. --- Benjamin Disraeli The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." --- B. F. Skinner
A teen-aged boy with spiked hair, nose ring and baggy clothes was overheard telling a friend, "I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me to church and everywhere with them."
A reporter from New York was visiting an old colleague who now edited a newspaper in a tiny Vermont town. "I don't see how you do it," the NY reporter said. "How can you drum up interest in the news when everybody in town knows what everybody else is doing and with whom?" "Sure they know," the editor said, "but they read the paper to see who got caught at it."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nathanael Christian, 21, in Paul's Valley, Oklahoma 'Religious' man watched porn at churches PAULS VALLEY, Okla. (UPI) -- Oklahoma police said a man accused of breaking into churches to watch porn told investigators he targeted the facilities because his family is "very religious." Pauls Valley police said Nathanael Christian, 21, was charged with four counts of second-degree burglary for allegedly breaking into four churches on at least eight occasions to use the Internet connections at the facilities to view pornography, The Oklahoman reported. Investigators said Christian made $300 worth of calls to phone-sex lines during one break-in and stole laptop computers during two of the crimes. Detective Derrick Jolley said police asked Christian why he targeted churches. "(Christian) just said 'my family has always been very religious' with a look on his face that indicated it made sense to him," Jolley said. Jolley said Christian, who was being held at the Garvin County jail, admitted to the break-ins and told police where to find the stolen laptops.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elizabeth Re: Juno for DSL Dear Webby: Re: the letter from Bob about faster internet service through a phone line, I use Juno DSL. After using Juno dial-up for 8 years, I switched to DSL 2 years ago and am very happy with it. Let Bob know about this option. I do have friends, though, who use Comcast and are generally pleased with it, though it occasionally "goes down." Elizabeth New Jersey Dear Elizabeth That is good to hear! Juno has a reputation of being a free or cheap, but slow last resort in rural areas, where you can't get anything else. I am glad that they are now offering high speed DSL too, at least in some parts of the US. Have FUN! DearWebby
Bubba was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client. "Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. "Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?" He was acquitted.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Color Seeds With Flour for Planting When you are about to sow your vegetable or flower seeds, you will find that the color of the very small seeds, blend in with the color of the earth. My tip is to mix the seeds with a little baking flour. You will then sow the seeds evenly in the dark soil. The result being even rows, and not over seeded. By Dunno from Malvern, UK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight point buck. "Where's Henry?" "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail." "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. However, the next morning the kangaroo was out again, just roaming around the zoo. The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to twenty feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming around the zoo. This kept on, night after night, until the fence was sixty feet high. Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo replied, "Probably a hundred feet, unless somebody fixes the lock on the gate."

» Endangered Species
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Wants faster Internet 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, March 18, 2010

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. --- James M. Barrie The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful and has nobody to thank. --- Dante Gabriel Rossetti
Late one afternoon, the Air Force guys out at Area 51 are surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impound the aircraft and haul the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story is that he took off out of Las Vegas, got lost and found the base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force starts a full security check on the guy and hold him overnight. The next day they are finally convinced that the guy really was lost and is not a spy. They gas up his airplane, give him a terrifying "you did not see a base" briefing complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison. They say Vegas is that-a-way on this heading and send him off. The next day, here comes the Cessna again. Once again the MPs surround the plane, only this time there are two people in the plane. The same pilot jumps out and says: "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and SHE DEMANDS to know where I was last night."
Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home. Then Fidel notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, "No hay problema, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff." When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked - St.Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally, one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the luggage. As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, "My goodness! Fidel has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Pasquale Manfredi, 33, in Calabria, Italy Mafia suspect caught on Facebook Italian police have tracked down one of the country's most-wanted fugitive mafia suspects - on Facebook. Pasquale Manfredi, 33, was on Italy's 100 Most Wanted List and had been on the run for a year, reports The Sun. He called himself Scarface, after the film character, and was accused of being one of the top figures in the Ndrangheta mafia. The 33-year-old, who faces charges of murder, mafia association and drug trafficking, was seized in Calabria. Officers had been tipped off that Manfredi was on Facebook and regularly logged on using his laptop. Using electronic surveillance equipment, officers managed to track Manfredi to an apartment in Isola Capo Rizzuto, near Crotone in southern Italy. According to Italian newspaper La Repubblica, he was arrested as he tried to escape from the roof of the apartment complex. Manfredi had more than 200 friends on his Facebook site and police are going through them systematically, to see if any of them are involved in Mafia activity or are wanted.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Wants faster Internet Dear Webby: I currently have dial-up internet service and I am trying to figure out if I can get a faster internet service through a phone line (rather than using cable). What are my options? Thanks. Bob Dear Bob AOL has never been accused of being second slowest. Check out local ISPs, or Earthlink.net, or Comcast.net or even Verizon. Chances are pretty good that you can get faster dial-up and maybe even DSL. I get 2.4 Mbps (about 70% of 3 Mbps) DSL over the phone line from a local ISP. And for back-up I have dial-up with Earthlink. Have FUN! DearWebby
It was a celebratory mood with the boys at NASA; they had just made the scientific achievement of a lifetime. As they were uncorking a bottle of champagne, The head scientist at NASA, asked everyone to be quiet as he had received a congratulatory phone call from the President of the United States. He picked up a special red phone, and spoke into it. "Mr. President," he said, grinning broadly, "after twelve years of hard research and billions of dollars spent, we have finally found intelligent life on Mars." He listened for a second, and his smile gradually disappeared, replaced by a frown. He said, "But that's impossible . . . we could never do it. . . yes Mr. President," and hung up the phone. He addressed the crowd of scientists staring at him curiously. "I have some bad news," he said, "the President said that now that we've found intelligent life on Mars . . . he wants us to try to find it in Congress."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One company I worked for had an employee-suggestion competition, the entire staff was to submit entries that would save money for the firm. The winner was a man in my department who suggested we post corporate memos on bulletin boards, instead of printing 200 individual copies for distribution. He got a helium balloon with the company logo and one share of stock. A memo announcing the prize was printed and mailed out to 200 people who walked past the bulletin board every day.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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An elderly couple was watching television one evening. "I am going to get a dish of ice cream now," the wife said. Kindly, the husband offered to get the ice cream for his wife. "I'll write it down so you don't forget," she said. "I won't forget," the old gent said. "But, I want chocolate syrup and nuts on it. So, I'll write it down," she replied. "I will get you the ice cream. Don't you worry," replied the husband. A few minutes later, the old man returned with bacon and eggs. His wife said, "See, I should have written it down because you forgot the toast."

» Mini pets
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Firewall turned off by malware 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Happy St Patrick's Day!

In this world there is always danger for those who are afraid of it. ---George Bernard Shaw Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability. ---George Bernard Shaw
Two Irish mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My Patrick is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my Francis is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first Irish mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him one heck of a big party."
Maureen was feeling a bit ill, and not recovering from a night out anywhere near as fast as Paddy. So he sent her off to the doctor. She came back shortly with a puzzled frown and said: "Oh, Paddy, he wants a "Specimen", but fo the life o me I don't know if we have one or if we can affod t'buy one!" Paddy hemmed and hawed for a while, but couldn't figure it out either. So he finally suggested: "me lass, why don't you go upstairs and ask Maud O'Reilly, she used to work the streets in town and she'll know." So Maureen climbed up the stairs and knocked. Not a minute later, screaming and cussing and the noise of a ferocious fight echoed down the stairwell, soon followed by much banging and clatter as poor Maureen came tumbling down the stairs. As Paddy helped her up he asked her what happend. "Oh Paddy, she's so mean! All I did was ask her what a 'specimen' was, and she told me to 'piss in abottle'! So of course I told her to shit in a hat, and the fight was on."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to D'Ann Seidell Bochese, 45, of Windham, Maine Too drunk and not wearing a seatbelt STANDISH, Maine -- The Cumberland County Sheriff's Department said alcohol, speed, and failure to wear seat belts played a major role in a fatal crash over the weekend in the town of Standish. Investigators said Tyler Gordon, 22, of Standish, was driving westbound at a high-rate of speed on Oak Hill Road -- near Serena Lane -- when D'Ann Bochese, of Windham, attempted to pass him. Bochese's car hit Gordon's and they both went off the road and traveled through a field about 200 feet before coming to a stop. D'Ann Bochese, who had not been wearing a seatbelt, was ejected from her vehicle and her body was found in a tree, 40 feet above ground. She was killed instantly. A passenger in her vehicle, Justin Gordon, 24, of Standish, a brother of the driver of the car that she hit, who had also not been wearing a seat belt, was also thrown from the vehicle. He is in critical condition at Maine Medical Center. Gordon's 1997 Subaru Legacy flipped end over end several times, coming to rest on its wheels. He and his two passengers, Chad Violette, 33, of South Portland and Zeke Malnchuck, 26, of Presque Isle were able to get out of the vehicle and back to the road on their own and were later sent to Maine Medical Center for a check-up.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joseph Re: Firewall turned off by malware Dear Webby. In response to the letter from Ann S in this issue. I kept getting the same messages and could not open any programs or E mails . Then at times I could and then the message would pop back up and mess up my computer again. To make a long story as short as possible the last popup said I needed to download XP 2010 anti virus to fix the problem . Looked like a legit site so gullible me , I did it after sending 50 bucks . Then the problems went away. But , I started thinking something was not right .No way to uninstall, and a lot of other things that did not seem right. E mailed the address on the web site and tried calling the phone number. No results from either . A few days later I checked my credit card account and found I was billed for 50 bucks from , would you believe, WORLDWIDE SOFT.COM -- MOSCOW RUS . I got screwed . Free anti virus installed at the time . Don't know if my computer is still infected but seems to be working ok now. Now have a 30 day free trial of Avast .Am waiting to decide on avast. What u tink? Also my internet provider ( Verizon) offers a antivirus program . Please use my experience for others if you wish but please don't use my name because I am embarrassed !. Thanks for all your good tips and advice and a great letter ! Joseph Dear Joseph Sometimes the free programs, that are not quite good enough to sell, are not quite good enough protection. "XP 2010 anti virus" is the same crap as "XP 2009 anti virus" or "XP 2008 anti virus". Just a phoney scam to extort money from you. Removal instructions are here: Remove XP 2010 Print them out and follow them step by step, marking each completed step with a highlighter or pencil. Have FUN! DearWebby
Why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and carousing?' said the do-gooder. 'It's too late,' replied Murphy. 'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous one. 'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing a Wet Paintbrush If you use paint in your crafting you may find that, in the middle of painting a project, you get called away from your project but you know you will be back shortly. Instead of rinsing out your paint brush, you can wrap it in a piece of plastic or a sandwich bag. Twist the plastic so it stays closed, keeping air from drying the paint on your brush. Then when you get back to your project all you do is unwrap your brush and go back to work. I have stored paint brushes for a couple of days this way. As long as the plastic is sealed the paint will not dry out, ruining your brush. By Arlene from Fort Myers, Florida Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In Mulligan's bar, the young Salvation Army girl placed the collection box under the nose of Mick McCarthy and asked: 'Can you spare fifty pence for God?' 'How old are you?' asked Mick. Twenty-four,' she replied. 'Well, I'm sixty-eight, I'll see him before you do. I'll pay him meself.
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'I'll have fish and chips twice,' said Murphy. 'Very well,' said the shopkeeper. 'The fish won't be long.' 'Then they'd better be fat,' said Murphy.

» Mini Bonsai
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Firewall turns off 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. --- Henry David Thoreau, Walden In journalism, there has always been a tension between getting it first and getting it right. --- Ellen Goodman
Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor calmly replied, "Just wait until the autopsy, then you will see that I was right."
When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Lonefold's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever seen. But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business. However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant cursing, yelling, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied: "Get him, Brutus!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lukeisha A. Harris, 24 in Seattle Woman In Bust Hid Nearly $26,000 In Bra SPOKANE, Wash. -- A fraud bust, indeed: Spokane County sheriff's deputies said a woman was hiding nearly $26,000 in her bra when she was booked into jail for investigation of theft. Lukeisha A. Harris was one of three Seattle-area residents arrested Friday as part of an alleged fraud ring. Deputies said they used phony Oregon driver's licenses and counterfeit credit cards to obtain cash advances from Spokane banks. Sheriff's spokesman Dave Reagan said the three were arrested after a worker at one bank reported that they tried to obtain money using a stolen credit card. The investigators followed the ring to two other banks before making the bust. Reagan said that during a search at the Spokane County Jail, guards found that the 24-year-old Harris -- who is 6 feet tall and 400 pounds -- had the cash hidden in her bra, along with bank receipts.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Firewall turns off Hi Webby: Thanks for the great daily newsletter!!! I have a question about the firewall. Every couple of days, I get a message that my firewall is off, so I have to enable it again. Everything seems to be in order when I open the Firewall file. Is this something that happens with XP pro??? Thanks Ann S Dear Ann That is not normal with XP at all. However, if your computer is infected, then it will do that, no matter what operating system you have on it. Better run a proper check on it, and not with a freebie that is not quite good enough to sell for money. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two nuns were driving down a country road when they ran out of gas. They walked to a farmhouse and a farmer gave them some gasoline; but the only container he had was an old bedpan. The nuns were happy to take whatever they were offered and returned to their car. As they were pouring the gasoline from the bedpan into the tank of their car, a minister drove by. He stopped, rolled down his window and said, "Excuse me, sisters. I'm not of your religion, but if that car starts, I'm switching!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Veggies to Tomato Sauce Make your spaghetti healthier, tastier, and stretch farther using fresh, thin sliced carrots and/or thin sliced zucchini. It adds color and flavor to any tomato sauce and kids love it because the tomato disguises the taste of veggies just enough to please their pallet. You will know they are getting their vitamins, and they will know it's still fun to eat! When cooking up the spaghetti sauce, just add a cup of veggies to it and cook till veggies are softened. Fresh is best for flavor, but canned can certainly be used too. By Dede from Macon, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "It's okay, Dad" the boy said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing."
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A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a phone nessagel, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

» Golden Eagle vs White-Tail Deer
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snmaster.idx database file is missing / in the slum, and naked 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, March 15, 2010

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault. --- Henry Kissinger Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? --- Dick Clark
Over dinner one evening, a wife says to her husband, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me. He used really bad language. He even threatened me!" "How did you meet this fellow?" her husband asked, very concerned. "Well," she says, "we met by accident. I backed into his wheelchair with the car."
A young mother finds out she is pregnant again, and she tells the good news to anyone who will listen. One day when the woman and the boy are out shopping, a friend of the mother asks the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. "Oh, yes!" the little tyke says. And having overheard some of his parents' private conversations, he adds, "And I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call it Mary, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jason Botos, 30, Papillon, nebraska Nebraska. man too drunk for DUI sentencing PAPILLION, Neb. (AP) - Authorities said a 30-year-old-man showed up so drunk for his sentencing for drunken driving that he missed his hearing and now faces even more time behind bars. Authorities said Jason Botos was driven to the Papillion courthouse on Thursday by his father, who needed help from deputies to get his son out of the vehicle. Prosecutor Ben Perlman said Botos was so drunk he couldn't attend the hearing, so the judge issued a warrant. Deputies arrested Botos in the parking lot. Another hearing is set for Tuesday. A jail spokeswoman said Botos remained in custody Friday. Botos had pleaded guilty to misdemeanor drunken driving in a September 2009 collision with five other vehicles.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mary Re: snmaster.idx database file is missing Dear dr. webby, I think I need someone to take my computer licence away from me. I have this message coming up telling me I need to reinstall this file ( snmaster.idx database file is missing ) I have no idea where or how it went missing. You are the best there is because you have always helped when I am in trouble & I think this missing file maybe the reason I can not get my McAfee to run. HELP !!! As always Thank You for being here able to help. Mary Dear Mary If it was up to me, I would not take away your computer license. I would take away your AOL and force you to graduate. From what I read, that problem is a pissing contest between AOL 9 and VISTA, and if you are using the AOL version of McAfee instead of the full version, then McAfee won't work either. You are in the slum, and you are naked. There is a LOT of writing about that problem on the net, however, no two people seem to agree on how to fix the problem. They all seem to agree, though, 1) that calling AOL support is a waste of time, and that 2) switching to Vista was a dumb move. Try deleting your AOL desktop shortcut, and make a new one. That worked for one AOLer. Another one had luck with downloading that file from daol.aol.com/software/91 and re-installing it. Without that file apparently you can not even do a clean UN-install of AOL, since it not only has your password, but also the master record of all the various mysterious places where AOL hid files. Have FUN! DearWebby
A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands. They had been silent for a while, when the lass said, "A penny for your thoughts." The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, "Well, I was thinkin' how nice it would be if ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss." So she did so. But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lass to ask him, "What are ye thinkin' now?" To which the lad grumbled, "Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Insulate Windows With Bubblewrap A great way to insulate windows in the winter and summer, is to use Bubblewrap. It not only insulates, but it still lets light in. It won't grow mold, and can be washed. I put it inside my windows. You can hang it up with just a few tacks or push-pins. By JLS If at all possible, use double-sided tape and attach the bubble wrap 7 cm (2 1/2 inches) from the glass, with un-vented dead air space between the glass and the bubble-wrap. That is the absolute optimal distance for insulating that way, but anything from one to three inches is still excellent. If the window is hinged, you can make a frame froim 2x2's and stretch the bubble-wrap over that frame, then attach that frame to the window. That way you can open the window without any fuss. Unless you want a hot-box for pre-heating the water for the water heater or pool, make sure windows that are insulated that way, are shaded in summer or have blinds or shutters on the OUTSIDE. That 7cm trick of course also works for greenhouses. If you see somebody upgrading their windows, try to get the old single pane windows to make a simple lean-to greenhouse on a side of the house or apartment balcony. Just make sure that the glass is on the outside. UV from the sunlight destroys bubble-wrap in one season. Glass stops the UV. Unless you want boiled tomatoes, you will have to provide venting on hot summer days. That trick works a lot better than you expect. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter. The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?" "I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied. "What's so funny about that?" "I'm a proctologist."
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What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner? A power failure.

» Bridges
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Hibernate or Sleep? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, March 14, 2010

Books have the same enemies as people: fire, humidity, animals, weather, and their own content. --- Paul Valery It is a sign of a creeping inner death when we no longer can praise the living. --- Eric Hoffer
One day our German class was unusually talkative despite repeated warnings, and our teacher was becoming rather exasperated. After what must have been the sixth or eighth warning, he raised his voice to declare, "All right! The next person who talks is going to be severely castigated." The class was then very quiet for a few seconds, at least until a girl in the front row asked the teacher, "Mr. T--, how are you going to do that to a girl?"
Ray and Randy were riding the New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Randy adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Ray, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a five, and gladly hands it to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him profusely and continues on to the other passengers. Randy is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on EARTH did you do that for???" shouts Randy. "You know he's only going to use it on booze!!!" Ray replies, "And we weren't?"
Looks like this year the fox got away
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Santiago Contreras, 20, Middletown, NY Fake FBI man targeted police chief's house NEW YORK (UPI) -- Police in a New York town said an attempted home invader posing as an FBI agent was arrested after targeting the wrong man -- the chief of police. Investigators said Santiago Contreras, 20, knocked on the Middletown police chief's door at about 9:18 a.m. EST Tuesday and allegedly flashed a resident alien card, claiming it was his FBI credentials, and displayed a piece of paper he claimed was a search warrant, WABC-TV, New York, reported Wednesday. The police report said Contreras fled on foot after the chief asked to see his identification again and he was later arrested by officers and found to be in possession of a homemade "shank" knife and plastic gloves. Contreras was arrested and charged with attempted robbery, attempted burglary, criminal possession of a weapon, criminal possession of a forged instrument and criminal impersonation.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: WTW Re: Sleep or hibernation? What is the difference between Hibernation and Sleep Modes? Are there times when either is preferable to the other? What are the advantages and/or disadvantages of each? With a laptop (Windows Vista) does one or the other use more battery power? Dear WTW Don't use sleep as the default lid closing action. Windows is rather flakey about waking up from sleep if you have Vista or W7. Plus it uses battery. Sleep should never be used for longer than refilling your coffee. Sleep does not save anything to the hard drive, just to the RAM. If the battery runs out while it is in Sleep, you lost whatever you had going. Hibernate saves everything to the hard drive, and then safely shuts down. When you wake it up from Hibernation, it takes 20 seconds longer to wake up, but it does so reliably, and without losing anything. Also, Hibernate does not run down your battery, even if it is in hibernation for a week or two. Have FUN! DearWebby
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection - a baseball bat to the cash register. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. "Cash," she snapped. Then apologizing for her rudeness, she explained, " I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau. I am not too sane right now!!" "Shall I gift -wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly, "Or or you going back?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Your Feet Dry With Plastic Bags When we were kids and wanted to play outside in the rain or snow, we didn't have boots. My mother would put plastic bags over our socks then put our shoes on then cover the plastic bags up with our pants. My mom used bread bags but I used recycled plastic grocery bags for my kids. These days I still cover my socks with plastic bags before I go out into the snow. It's one more useful thing you can do with those plastic bags that are just waiting to be reused! By CDR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Tom was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?" Tom replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?" Tom replied, "The same place you got your silly train!"
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Two husbands, Bill and Doug, were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were argument sometimes. Then Bill said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Doug, "How do you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Bill. "My last words are always 'Yes, Dear.'"

» Snowed
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Text version 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, March 13, 2010
Tonight, change the clocks to show one hour ahead of where they
currently are. At the same time, also replace your smoke detector
batteries.

The human mind treats a new idea the same way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it. --- P. B. Medawar Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question. --- Albert Camus
My mother taught me about JUSTICE - "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU.. THEN you'll see what it's like."
"It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. "I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other." "Goes in both ears and out the other?" asked the puzzled teacher. "But you only have two ears, boy." "Guess I'm no good at math, either!"
Monument Valley
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rondell Bailey, Oklahoma City Man offered 'last tree' to deputies OKLAHOMA CITY (UPI) -- Authorities in Oklahoma said a man who crashed into a parking lot walked into a jail and offered a stick he called the "last tree in the universe" as payment. Oklahoma County sheriff's deputies said Rondell Bailey walked into the downtown Oklahoma City jail with a stick and told deputies he wanted to offer the object, which he called the "last tree in the universe," in exchange for dropping any possible charges against him, KOCO-TV, Oklahoma City, reported Wednesday. The deputies said Bailey left after being told the stick was not an acceptable form of payment and threw a brick through a jail window. Investigators said they discovered a white powder suspected to be methamphetamine during a search of the suspect's truck. Bailey was arrested on destruction of property and drug charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Betty Jane Re: text version I DID NOT mean to unsubscribe...I want the humor text version! I don't like the one I'm receiving. Thank you...I DO want to receive it, but in another version. Betty Dear Betty The text version was retired on March 1/2010 after 16 years, due to lack of demand and response, but especially because of too many bounces from full mail boxes of people, who only check their mail once every blue moon. Have FUN! DearWebby
Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when she got a phone call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?" Jill said, "Four dollars." She said, "How much for children?" Jill said, "Same price, four dollars per seat." She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children." Jill said, "OK, put the kids on a plane somewhere, and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Your Alfredo Sauce With Broth Here's a tip that can help you reduce your sugar and fat intake and save you a little money. If you buy a jar of alfredo sauce, try cutting it with an equal amount of chicken broth. Heat the broth and sauce together, throw in some brocolli and cook until tender. Then mix this sauce with your noodles and a handful of grated parmesan cheese. You end up with a thinner sauce but it still tastes good and has reduced fat, calories and sugar. Lewis from Port Orchard Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. He was served a piece of meat, and as he picked it up with his fork, he held it up and smirked: "Is this pig?" Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: "To which end of the fork are you referring?"
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Nancy was a none-too-bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didn't find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case. When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward. "Ms Nancy, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the 'other woman' in her husband's life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?" "Well, yes," acknowledged Nancy with a sniff, "but I couldn't help it." "Couldn't help it?" asked the lawyer derisively. "How's that?" "Mr. Evans deceived me." "Exactly what do you mean?" "See, when we signed in," she explained, "he told the motel clerk I was his wife."

» Daylight Saving Time
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Very old computer with not much RAM 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, March 12, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood. --- George Santayana
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's rather distracting!" Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir, its a compass!"
A young boy about five or six years was talking on the telephone. As his dad listened on, the youngster told his grandparents dejectedly, "Mom is in the hospital, so the twins and Roxie and Billy and Sally and Max-the-dog and me and Dad are home all alone."
Thanks to Guinn for this picture: A Red-shafted Flicker having lunch with a Pine Siskin.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gregorio Iniguez, Chile name of country mis-spelled on coin The general manager of the Chilean mint has been sacked after thousands of coins were issued with the name of the country spelled wrongly. The 50-peso coins were issued in 2008, but no-one noticed the mistake until late last year, reports the BBC. Instead of C-H-I-L-E, the coins had C-H-I-I-E stamped on them. The coins have since become collectors' items and the mint says it has no plans to take them out of circulation. People have reportedly been hoarding the coins in the hope their value rises. But the mistake has cost the mint's general manager, Gregorio Iniguez, and several other employees, their jobs. It is not the first embarrassing blunder at the Chilean mint. Last October, someone there sold a rare medal, which should have been housed in the institution's museum, to a coin collector.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Noella Re: Very old computer Dear Webby, We have another very old computer I want to put Windows 98 on. The only legal Windows 98 cd I have is an upgrade which means I need to install Windows 3.1 or Windows 95 and upgrade. I have a Windows 95 cd I can use. My problem is that right now the computer has Windows XP on it. The hard drive is ntfs and I need to format it to fat32. How do I do that? It ran the XP before putting on and taking off Service Pack 2 (though I don't know how it ran XP since it only has 96-97 mgs of ram on it). Right now, it is in a "hang or loop" mode - trying to start XP, shutting down and restarting. I've been told that is because it doesn't have enough ram to run XP. I've searched the 'net, but I don't seem to come across a site that deals with the main hard drive. It won't access my Windows 95 cd because it's ntfs and I need to change it. At least that's what I've been told. Thanks so much, Noella Dear Noella If it had enough actually working RAM, then the Windows 95 set-up CD would format the drive properly. You can select FAT32 or even FAT16 in the BIOS, if necessary. With only 96 MB RAM I doubt that even Windows 3.1 would work well. As far as I remember, we used to use 256 MB in those days. Since you probably can't get RAM for that old board, your best bet is to get a motherboard kit from Tigerdirect or a place like that, including 2000 MB of RAM, and have a kid with good eyesight install it. It is not difficult at all, but some of the writing on the motherboard is too small for most adults. Anything else will probably wind up costing you more. You can also check with a local computer fixer to see if they have working motherboards from people who upgraded to more powerful boards. Have FUN! DearWebby
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the grocery store!" "I doubt that!" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of prunes?" The clerk replies, "Sure, Canned or Dried?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Masking Tape to Make Seed Tapes I empty the packet of seed on a plate. I unroll masking tape in front of me. Sticky side up, I dampen my index finger. It helps, to pick up the seeds. I then place two seeds, down on the tape, then two more seeds down on the tape, six inches apart. Add two more seeds down until you run out of seeds. I roll up the tape on a Popsicle stick, or a stick from outside, or an ink pen. I don't use pencil because of the lead inside. At planting time, I use a stick to help unwind. I plant 6 inches under, loose soil mixed with one part sand 3 parts potting soil. I plant straight, to the garden. I cover if before, last frost. There is no danger of root shock. My plants are always straight. They do well. I store my seeds in a dry plastic zip lock bag, with a paper towel to absorb any moisture. I store all my seeds this way. By Ellen Lou from Tennessee Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't clean up your act, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

» Funky Tomatoes
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How do I open .swf files? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, March 11, 2010

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today. --- Abraham Lincoln: Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation. --- Kin Hubbard
A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?" The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother?"
One Sunday a priest announced he was passing out minature crosses made of palm leaves. "Put this cross in the room where your family argues most," he advised. "When you look at it, the cross will remind you that God is watching." When the parishoners were leaving church, a woman walked up to the priest, shook his hand and said, "I'll take five."
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Dendrobium
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 41 year old Swedish fake pilot Bogus pilot arrested just before take-off A Swedish man without a valid pilot's licence has been arrested at Amsterdam as he was about to fly a jet with 101 passengers to Turkey. The 41-year-old man said he had been flying for European airlines for 13 years and had logged 10,000 hours, reports the BBC. Police said he once had a licence to fly small planes but it had expired and it did not allow him to fly large jets. Reports say the man was relieved his long deception was uncovered and tore off his pilot's stripes in the cockpit. Turkey's Corendon Airlines said he had been flying for the airline for two years and had "expertly misled the company with his false papers". The airline said it had been alerted by police and had a pilot standing by to fly the Boeing 737 from Amsterdam's Schiphol airport to Ankara. Dutch police were acting on a tip-off from Swedish authorities. The man is in custody awaiting trial for forging documents and flying without a licence.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Phyllis Re: How do I open .swf files? Dear Webby, First, I want to tell you how very much I enjoy this newsletter on a daily basis! There is always something to smile about, ponder, and learn from! Thank you so much! Now, I have a question, and I hope you can help me. I have a HP with Vista Home Premium program, and for some reason, I can't open any attachment that is .swf. What is the reason, and can I remedy the situation? Thanks so much for your help, in advance!!! Sincerely, Phyllis Dear Phyllis Just go to my Tool Box and download the Adobe Flash Player. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend. "Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Scrapbooking Material From Surprising Sources While I don't scrapbook, my new sewing machine gave me tons of scrapbooking materials, if I was inclined! The manufacturer published a second full manual in a language I don't speak or understand. I can cut that up for scrapbooking pages - there's diagrams, pictures, line art, and frames that would be cool to use. By Dorrie from Norman, OK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A couple trying to break into society hosted a dinner party. As the guests were enjoying their dinner salad, the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid informed her that the cat had climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of the salmon's midsection. The hostess decided to quickly drive to the store and get some canned salmon to fill the eaten portion. As the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess into the kitchen and announced while wringing her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead." The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their stomachs pumped. Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put the cat. "It is still out on the road where you ran over it when you went to get the canned salmon."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the army. "But, wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?" "Sure," replied the man. "Well, won't they find out?" The man shrugged, "So far, none of them complained."

» US Census
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How do I make destop links to sites? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wenesday, March 10, 2010

There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else. --- James Thurber Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. --- A. H. Weiler
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Little Matthew was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.' Little Matthew said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse.. It's called Bunk Beds.. And Jimmie's mom wants to talk to you.'
Thanks to Sandie for this story: "I have a problem," Suzanne complained to her friend, "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." "Don't you have a phone in your car?" asked the friend. "That was too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." "A mail box? Does that work?" "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." "And why do you think that is?" Suzanne thought for a moment, then replied, "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
The first Norwegian Icebreaker heads up the Mississippi As you may have seen on the news, it's been very cold in the Midwest, so cold in fact that we have borrowed a Norwegian Icebreaker from Minnesota to unclog the Mississippi, starting near Davenport and working its way north. Here is the first picture of it as it begins the hard work required to break up the ice. Tom W Norwegian Icebreaker
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alen Nguyen, 22, in Winter Haven, Florida Tried to redeem winners at same store where stole the tickets BARTOW, Fla. (AP) - A Winter Haven man was arrested after authorities say he took a winning scratch-off ticket back to the store he had stolen it from a day earlier. The Polk County Sheriff's Office reports that 22-year-old Alen Nguyen stole $70 worth of scratch-off lottery tickets from a Circle K store on Sunday. One of the tickets revealed a $50 prize. When Nguyen went back to the store on Monday to claim the money, a clerk who was aware of the theft asked Nguyen for his driver's license and wrote down the information. The clerk called the authorities, and deputies went to arrest Nguyen. He was charged with retail theft and later released on $250 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: How do I make destop links to sites? Dear Webby, how can I get links to sites I use frequently to be sent to my destop? I use Windows XP Service pack 3. Thanks! Carol Dear Carol Browse to a site that you want a shortcut icon for, then grab the little icon at the left side in the browser address bar, and drag it to the desktop, or to a thematic folder on the desktop. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Roland for this story: One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. You don't love me any more?" "Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Bleach Water to Control Gnats Recently our house has been overrun with gnats. I followed all your suggestions, nothing worked. I finally called an exterminator, he couldn't come but he told us to pour scalding water down every drain in our house and follow it up with bleach. They said we may have to do it several times before we can see it is effective. We used 2 gallons of scalding hot water for each drain and followed up with a quart of bleach for each drain. I wanted to pass this along cause it is really a problem this year. By BJ from Mid Missouri Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Sandie for this story: Joan had a system for labeling leftover meals in the freezer . She would carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables" or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." Everyday when she asked her husband what he wanted for dinner, he never asked for any of those meals. She decided to stock the freezer with his various requests. What he really likes. So now you'll see a whole new set of labels: "Whatever", "Anything", "I Don't Know", "I Don't Care", "Something Good", or "Food" . No more frustration for Joan, because no matter what her husband replies when she asks him what he wants for dinner, it's there waiting.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda notices that Jill seems troubled and asks her, "Is something bugging you? You look anxious." "Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market," Jill explained. "Oh, that's too bad," Linda sympathized. "I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him." "Yeah, I am," Jill said. "He'll miss me."

» River of colors
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Can you run Norton and McAfee together on one machine? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, March 9, 2010

“America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." --- Fred Maslack
Bob and Katie were having a discussion about family finances. Finally Bob exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" Katie replied, "If it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here either."
A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered at him: "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" And the witness said meekly, "MY mother did."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Near Bogota, Columbia
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a woman in Bochum, Germany German police summoned over forgotten vibrator BERLIN (AFP) – A woman in Germany phoned police after hearing "suspicious noises" in her flat, but much to her embarrassment officers found the source was a vibrator, authorities said Friday. The noise was so loud and strange, even over the telephone, that police in Bochum in western Germany decided to send a patrol car around to the "scene of the crime", a statement said. "Daringly, and with the occupier's permission, one of the officers opened the drawer of a wardrobe where the noise was coming from. "Underneath some clothes he found a very personal, battery-operated object which was switched on. The tenant's face abruptly changed colour." Police then "wished her a nice evening and left".
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joyce Re: Can you run Norton and McAfee together? I was wondering if you can run Norton with McAfee I have always used Norton & worked great until my computer acted up the other day. Now i can't even open up other sites. Can you tell me if you know if you can get a virus form You Tube I am always cafefull on what i open Thank You Joyce Dear Joyce Your computer worked great, because you were careful, probably not because you have Norton. As you found out, Norton did not adequately protect you. . What makes it worse is that Norton is as difficult to remove as a trojam pr virus, and makes virus removal even more difficult. There is a Norton Remover in my Tool Box. After using that, you can do a clean install of McAfee or Kapersky Running two different anti-virus programs is generally not a good idea. Quite often they get into a pissing contest and put each other's virus detection tables into Quarantine. Have FUN! DearWebby
A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove. At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to desend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!" Still no sign of the dove. The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters: "Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the cat?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Bag Salads for Camping Camping is a great family time but you always don't have lots of room for cooking and storage. I make what we call a bag salad. You cook all your favorite ingredients (pasta or potato salad) and put in a Ziploc bag. Add your seasonings and dressing and just mix with bag closed, carefully squishing. Store in cooler till ready to serve. You can serve from the bag or put in a dish. Happy camping to all. By Sillepeanut from Whitehall, MI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large parrot. He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding proceeds hot and heavy with someone always bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer, "Can the bird talk?" The auctioneer replied, "Who do you think was bidding against you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week." Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said, "It's not all the devil's fault; she's not that easy to get along with either on some days."

» Strange Food
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How to get rid of lsas.blaster.keylogger 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, March 8, 2010

Most advances in science come when a person for one reason or another is forced to change fields. --- Peter Borden One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. --- Bertrand Russell
A wife sent her husband and their daughter to the health food store with a carefully prepared shopping list. They returned with brussel sprouts, organically grown tomatoes, wild rice, tofu, veggie burgers, celery stalks, .... and a box of chocolate cookies. The man noticed his wife's hostile glare when she pulled out the cookies. So he said, "Hey, this box of cookies has one-third less sugar AND fat than usual!" "Really? And just why is that?" she asked icily. "We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he grinned.
Marcy walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale. "Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first." "Oh, that won't work," says Marcy. "Why not?" asks the clerk. "Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Megan Mariah Barnes, 37 from the Floriduh Keys Driver lacked razor-sharp focus As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don't try to shave your privates, either. Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat. "She said she was meeting a boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Gary Dunick said. "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it." If that weren't enough, Megan Mariah Barnes was not supposed to be driving and her 1995 Ford Thunderbird was not supposed to be on the road. The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen Dunne. Barnes was ordered to impound her car, and her driver's license was revoked for five years, after which time she must have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drives, Dunne said. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months' probation. Barnes and Charles Judy were southbound in her Thunderbird at 11 a.m. when they slammed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet pickup driven by David Schoff of Palm Bay. His passengers were a man and two women; the latter were treated for minor injuries at Lower Keys Medical Center, FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said. Schoff had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn when the Thunderbird hit him. Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with Mr Judy, who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said. "She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," Dunick said. "It was like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?' " Burns on Judy's chest from the passenger-side airbag deploying belied their story, Dunick said. The airbag in the steering wheel did not deploy, he said. Troopers charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries and driving with no insurance. Mr Judy was not charged. Barnes faces a maximum of a year in jail if found guilty of violating her probation due to the wreck, Dunne said. "My phone has been ringing off the hook all day, and I know there's a funny side to this, but it's also deadly serious. This is a scary road and a lot of bad wrecks are caused by dumb stuff like this," Dunick said. "It is unbelievable. I'm really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: lsas.blaster.keylogger Dear Webby The worm/virus lsas.blaster.keyloger has taken over my pc. It will not alllow me to do anything on it at all. It will not let into it to do any repairs. We went to a site on google by typing in lsas, and it had a removal suggestion, and a stop process there. It will not allow me to do either of them. It will throw up the window for a minisecond, and then it is gone. Can you nelp me, do you know what to do??? I am on a neighbors pc, and have my lappie right here too. Please help me asap... Thanks, Jai Dear Jai Try using that remover in Safe Mode. Reboot your computer and keep hitting F8 during the boot, until you get the choice of boot type. Select Safe Mode, then run that remover. If that doesn't help, restart in Safe Mode with networking and try this: http://darfuns.com/remove-trojan-lsas-b ... keylogger/ Have FUN! DearWebby Dear Webby Your fix worked perfectly! The nasties are gone, and I have my pc back without having to pay for it as they were demanding. I knew you would know how to fix it, thank you sooo much for helping. Jai
In the back woods of Tennessee, a redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming". Sure enough, within minutes, he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down, there's another one!" said the doctor. Within a few minutes he had delivered another baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern. ..it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor. The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Take Your Lunch in a Cloth Tote Bag To save paper and money, I take my lunch to work every day in a cloth tote bag that I bought at the Dollar Store. It is about 10x10 inch square and has a nice handle. When I come home, I just put my lunch bag in the fridge so I can find it fast in the morning. I never run out of paper bags, I save money, and it's a good way to reduce waste. By Laurie from Portland, OR You can step that up to deluxe, if you put a bubble-wrap lined padded manila envelope with re-sealable flap into it. If you have to fly, you just slide the envelope into your laptop or brief-case, and avoid those horendously overpriced stale airline sandwiches, that you can buy nowadays instead of the free meal you used to get. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase "Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life..." "What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked. "Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having goodness and mercy folowing me around. But I don't want Shirley following me around all the time. She's a gossip and a spoilsport!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.

» Puppy Chuckles
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Download Spybot 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, March 7, 2010

Machines take me by surprise with great frequency. --- Alan Turing The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. --- Socratex In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite. --- Paul Dirac
There was a fairly wealthy 70 year-old man who had just married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady. One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get that gorgeous woman to marry a 70 year-old guy like you?" The man leaned over and whispered to his friend, "It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart problems, and she instantly fell in love with me."
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Snow drifts on frozen lakes
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 41-year-old Kim Yoo-chul and his 25-year-old wife, Choi Mi-sun in Seoul, Korea Baby Starved as Couple Nurtured Virtual Kid (March 5) -- A South Korean couple addicted to the Internet left their 3-month-old daughter to starve to death while they raised a virtual daughter online during 12-hour bouts at a cyber cafe, police said. The husband and wife had been on the run since their baby, born prematurely, died five months ago of severe dehydration and malnutrition, police said. They were arrested this week near their home south of the capital Seoul and charged today with child abuse and neglect.It is not likely that they will ever be allowed onto the Internet again.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Download Spybot Dear Webby; Hi again. I just went to your tools to check on Spybot but there are several places to download it. Which one do you recommend to download free? Also how big is it? This way I'll know how long to gibve it to download. i have 100 Mbps now. Thanks Sharon Dear Sharon Any of those places are fine. If one is a bit slow at the moment, pick the next one. At 100 Mbps you will probably get about 2/3 of that in actual download speed, and it will take just slightly longer than a quickie. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two not too very bright city guys decided to go into the dairy business. They drove up to a dairy farm and asked the owner if he had any cows for sale. The owner had been trying to get rid of a non performing bull for years told them he would let his best producing cow go for a mere one thousand dollars. The 2 guys said wonderful and loaded up the bull and left. They got back to their place and tried to milk the bull but didn't get any milk. So one of the guys ran back to the farmer to find out how to get the milk flowing. The farmer told them they had to make the cow drink plenty of water and then pump the tail up and down. Satisfied the city slicker went back and he and his partner pushed the bull down to the stream. Well, the bull wasn't very thirsty and didn't drink so one guy held the bulls head in the water and the other guy pumped igorously with the tail. About that time the bull decided to take advantage of the raised tail and to dump some solids. The guy pumping yelled to his friend "Raise his head he is sucking mud." -------- Well, he sure would not try to hold the head of one of the 2500 pound bulls they have around here. Those bulls flip a car over if they don't like it's color.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dispose of Prescription Bottles Safely Be especially safe with your old prescription bottles. Be sure and mark through the name of person and drug name with a marker before putting in trash as some people would try to get it filled, especially if it is for a pain pill. God Bless you and stay safe! By DCW from TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The Midlothian Council in the UK, in a handbook issued to teachers, has listed 'lying' as a recognized disability, thereby branding it an ''illness'' which requires tolerance and assistance from those not afflicted by this "illness", and of course this will make the persons suffering from this incurable "illness" eligible for some sort of disability compensation and disability pension. Also listed, as a "genuine disability", is the inability to spell correctly. Teachers there can no longer mark down for bad spelling.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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He, Luigi, you are a man of the world. "What is an operetta?" "That'sa da girl who works the switchboard at da teliphone company."

» PCB Salvage
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printer driver for Ubuntu inside XP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, March 6, 2010

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. --- Doug Larson Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. --- William Feather
"Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you." "First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds in your lower half. Second, you should use only about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick as you did this morning. And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next floor."
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "yeah, nobody ever lent them a car either!"
Thanks to Guinn for this picture: Hi, Webby. I thought you might like this picture I took this afternoon of a male roufous sided towhee. Towhees are a bit smaller than robins, larger than sparrows. Guinn
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Moira Williams, 67, of Sault Ste. Marie, Ont., Sent in by Jackie SAULT STE. MARIE, Ont. - A Northern Ontario woman was charged with mischief on Tuesday after police say she wouldn't stop calling 911 to ask them to pick her up some smokes. Police say that Moira Williams, 67, of Sault Ste. Marie, Ont., had been drinking and ran out of cigarettes when she repeatedly called the emergency line to ask police to go to the store and buy her some. Williams was warned several times to stop calling unless she had an emergency, police said. By 3:15 a.m., police drove to her home and arrested her. She is to appear in court April 12.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: Ubuntu inside XP printer driver Dear Webby, I am running a 2 year old version of Ubuntu inside XP. Everything works fine except for my Lexmark X3479 printer. I don't seem to be able to find compatible drivers for it to work in Ubuntu. I get an error message, sometimes. stating that Ubuntu doesn't think my printer is connected. Any ideas on how I can get my printer to work while in Ubuntu? Thanks, John Dear John That is a bit too specialized for me. Try one of the Linux forums. Try http://www.linuxquestions.org/questions/ I have received excellent and very fast help from there. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip. They spend a fortune renting all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. The first day they go fishing,but don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day and the third . This goes on until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. While driving home One guy turns to the other ... "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us nearly $1500?" The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Your Brillo In Half Instead of using a whole Brillo pad, I cut one in half. It's great if you only need to clean a couple of pots or pans. Instead of wasting a whole pad. By Lynda from Kearny, NJ Instead of the quickly used up Brillo pads you can use scratchy sponge pads. Usually they have a yellow sponge (avoid the ones that have yellow foam!) glued onto an abrasive pad. The pads are color coded. They use the same color code as floor buffing pads, and in the 70's they were the actual punched out centers of buffing pads. White is the softest, and you can still get those hockey puck shaped scouring pads for facial scrubbing in cosmetic stores. Quite pricey, considering they are the throw-away waste of floor buffing pads. Nowadays the scouring part is cut from thinner material and in rectangular form. Green colored pads on the yellow sponge is excellent for most dishwashing and household scrubbing, and dark blue works well on the outside bottom of pots and other difficult challenges. Those abrasive mesh backed sponges clean about as well as Brillo pads, but are much kinder to your hands. The major difference, though, is that they are not throw-aways! If you rinse and gently wring them after use, each one lasts for a year or more, and they are perfectly safe to use in today's flimsy non-stick pots and pans. Just make sure you get the sponge type, with the holes in the sponge of all different sizes, like bread, NOT the ones that use a yellow foam with uniform hole size. The foam type is rather useless on the foam side, whereas the firmer sponge type does an amazing amount of cleaning. You rarely have to flip it to the abrasive side. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a very large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife instantly appears out of nowhere."
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A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was afraid the shock would give him a heart attack. So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" Joe replied, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of it to the church." At which the pastor fell over dead.

» Weird fish
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Is my printer infected? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, March 5, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

None are so busy as the fool and knave. --- John Dryden
A guy goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife has lost her voice, a week ago...." "And you are afraid she'll find it again ?"
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, "A lawyer!"
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Looking down at the birds Eagels or Glacier Crows or some birds like that are playing in the strong updraft at the Valuga in Austria. This is high above the tree line and they are definitely not looking for something to eat, but simply goofing around and enjoying the updraft. There were whisps of cloud just below the peak and above the birds, causing a very interesting effect.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jonathon Michael Smith, 22 in Fairbanks, Alaska Fairbanks man arrested again after trying to buy 4th truck with forged check by Chris Freiberg / cfreiberg@newsminer.com FAIRBANKS — A Fairbanks man is accused of trying to purchase a $28,000 pickup truck with a forged check for the fourth time this year. Jonathon Michael Smith, 22, was arraigned Tuesday on new felony charges of attempted first-degree theft and second-degree forgery. He still faces more than a dozen other charges stemming from the previous incidents, and had been out on bail for only about two weeks when he allegedly tried to pull the scam Monday at Seekins Ford. Smith reportedly told a Seekins employee that he had recently come into a large sum of money, and he intended to purchase a 2007 Ford F-150 pickup truck. However, the manager became suspicious of the check from USAA and accompanying letter stating the check was valid, and contacted another local dealership that was allegedly swindled by Smith. USAA is a financial services company serving military members and their families. Smith was a Fort Wainwright soldier who was discharged in January following his initial arrest. He was AWOL from his unit for two years, said Maj. Bill Coppernoll, a spokesman for U.S. Army Alaska. Fairbanks police Officer Jim O’Malley responded to the dealership soon after the manager became aware that something was amiss. O’Malley was aware of Smith’s history and asked him what he was doing. Smith said that he was “being stupid,” according to a criminal complaint filed in court. Magistrate Bethany Harbison set Smith’s bail at $20,000. If he is released from jail, he is not allowed on the premises of a car dealership and he cannot possess checks or items purported to be checks. Smith allegedly used forged checks to purchase two trucks worth $70,000 from Kendall Honda in January. About the same time, he also tried to purchase a $25,000 truck from Gene’s Chrysler, but employees became suspicious of the checks Smith wrote and refused to deliver the vehicle. To create the checks, Smith allegedly altered a USAA check another man posted on his blog after removing the account and routing numbers. He would print the altered check from e-mails and try to pass them as real to the employees of local car dealerships, court documents allege. All of the forged checks had blurry printing, inconsistent fonts and lacked routing numbers, according to court records. In January, he told police he did not know why the checks had not been honored since he had money market and mutual fund accounts with USAA. He also claimed to have received an inheritance recently from his mother after she passed away. A USAA representative told Fairbanks police that Smith has a checking account with them with a zero balance, as well as an overdrawn credit card. The company does not e-mail checks to customers, according to court filings. At his arraignment Tuesday, Smith said he plans to hire his own lawyer.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Annette Re: Infected laser printer Dear Webby, I bought a Dell 1320c color laser when you recommended it a few years ago. It works flawlessly and is easy on the toner, especially when we use it in toner saving mode. Copies of invoices and stuff like that really don't have to be in crisp, bright color, so we usually print in black plus toner saving. Sure, the prints look like the currently fashionable faggy pages with grey text on white, that are difficult for straight people to read, but for a copy of an invoice, that most likely will never be looked at again anyway, that's good enough. Sorry about my rambling. So, while the printer works just fine, wehen my desk got moved closer to it last week, I noticed that every now and then it's lights come on, it makes mysterious whirring sounds like it was preparing to print, but then shuts down again. Is that a virus in it? Annette Dear Annette That is nothing to worry about at all. When not used for a day, it simply wakes up to do a self test and stirs up the toner powder, so that it doesn't clump or cake onto the walls of the toner cartridges. It is actually supposed to do that. As long as it does that self test and powder stirring at least once every second unused day, it is fine and ready to print, even after not being used for a year or two. Have FUN! DearWebby
A patient had broken his leg and it was going to have to be set. To get him ready for this painful event, he was heavily sedated. While in this "state", he spoke rather freely with the hospital staff and with his wife. She apparently learned several things about her husband. When it was time to reverse the medication, the wife said "Wait! not yet. I have some more questions I want to ask".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rags Instead of Paper Towels Keep a rag on your paper towel rack and quit buying paper towels altogether! Use newspaper for washing windows. Use cheap paper napkins for food as needed. You'll be surprised at how often you'll grab that rag to wipe up a spill and you are saving lots of money. Have a bunch on hand and just wash up a load every once in a while. By Laura from Mason, OH As I am slowly learning to "act my age", well not trying too hard, I am wrecking my jeans not nearly as often as I used to. However, the legs of old jeans make excellent rags. They are very absorbent, and take a long time to dry. Whenever you need a moist rag, they are unbeatable. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A lonely wife brought a man she had just met at a bar home to her bedroom one evening when she thought her husband was out of town. They immediately tore each other's clothes off and started going at it. She sat up quickly in bed as she heard the key in the lock. "Quick!" she said to the man, "it's my husband! You've got to get out of here quick!" "Where's the back door?" the man asked as he grabbed his clothes. "There isn't one," she replied. "Where would you like one?" he asked.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was going home early because she didn't feel well. Since Stan was just getting over something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't something he had given her. A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has morning sickness."

» Pet Therapy
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What do I need to view PPSX files? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, March 4, 2010

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. --- Oscar Wilde
A 3-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
An English soldier, an American solider and a Russian soldier found themselves sharing a table in a Bosnian restaurant, and the conver sation turned towards how well fed each of them was. "In the Russian army we have 2000 calories of food a day" said the Russian. "Well", said the Englishman, "In the British army we are given 4000 calories of food a day." "That's nothing", said the American, "in the US army we have 8000 calories of food a day". At this the Russian got very annoyed. "Nonsense", he said, "how could one man eat that much cabbage!!!."
Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this picture: and 9 months later, there was an AirBus
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 42-year-old drunk in Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin Drunk driver caught out by footprints in snow A US man who claimed his car had been stolen after he crashed it into a snow drift was arrested after police followed his footsteps back to the bar where he'd been drinking. The 42-year-old, of Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin, now faces up to three years in jail and a $10,000 fine is he is convicted with that police said was his fifth drink driving charge. He rang police at 2.30am to say his car had been stolen from the town's Tapper's Bar where he had been drinking, reports the Sheboygan Press. Police quickly discovered the car crashed into a snow bank about half a mile away from the bar - and then found footprints in the snow matching the man's boots leading back to the bar. When questioned by police, the man, who later failed a field sobriety test, admitted that he had been driving the vehicle and lost control of it before crashing into the snow bank.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Clyde Re: PPSX files Dear Webby, Love your letters, especially the picture and tech sections. I just got a .ppsx file which would not open with my older version of Microsoft Power Point Viewer or with Open Office. Is this a new format which requires a new viewer? Clyde Dear Clyde Yes, it is a new type. Instead of using standard formats that everybody can use, like Open Office does, Microsoft keeps coming up with new and different formats that require yet another different type of viewer. I don't play that stupid game and just tell the sender to use a standard format. Usually it's just time wasting crap anyway. We got to stand up for ourselves, otherwise every silly dingbat will come out with yet another new and incompatible format. If you really think it is worth wasting time on, you can go to my Tool Box and download the current PowerPoint Viewer. According to Microsoft, it should open PPSX files. Have FUN! DearWebby
MacTavish's little boy was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. "If you had five pounds," said the teacher, "and I asked you for the loan of three pounds, how many would you have left?" "Five," said young MacTavish firmly. "Five?" the teacher said "How do you make it five?" "Well," replied young MacTavish "You can ask for a loan of three pounds, but that doesn't mean you will get it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Packing Paper for Crafts Now that many places are using recycled or green packing materials, we get lot of brown scrunched paper in the boxes when we order items online. If you smooth out that paper, it's often 4-6 feet long and 2-3 feet wide - absolutely perfect for kids to use to color, trace their bodies, draw pirate maps, or do various other fun crafty things with. You can also ask newspapers for their discarded end rolls of newsprint. By Emily from RI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?" "The glaciers brought them down," said the guide. "But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked. "The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice, "have gone back for more rocks."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Two friends, one an optimist and the other a pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his continual pessimistic thinking. The optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the optimist brought down a duck. The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat. The optimist looked at his pessimistic friend and said, "What do you think about that?" The pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?" Luckily the pessimist was wearing a life jacket, when he got tossed into the icy water and had to swim all the way back to shore..

» Best Photos of 2009
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Microsoft advises not to hit F1 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad. --- Diogenes the Cynic Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. --- Albert Einstein, (attributed) If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. --- Bob Hope
Thanks to Dave for this story: (Dave used to be the wholesaler, that I bought computer components from, when I was still building computers in the early and mid 90's.) Old guys...yep that's us...... I was in Canadian Tire store the other day, pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart. I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate. I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?" I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours." Most old guys are helpful like that.
A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He decided to seek compensation for his ailment. Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department, he is interviewed by an assessor. Assessor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish to claim compensation. Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick. Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to protect you from radiation poisoning? Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job. Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive? Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined. Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept? Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead. Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept in a lead container. Trucker: Yeah, that's right. All lead. Assessor: Then I can't see how you could claim against him for radiation poisoning. Trucker: I'm not. I claiming for lead poisoning.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a drunk in Bremerton, Washington Stopped for Speeding, DUI Suspect Backs into Cop's Car By Kitsap Sun staff Published Monday, March 1, 2010 A 29-year-old Bremerton man backed into the cruiser of the police officer who pulled him over early Sunday, according to Bremerton police reports. He was arrested for DUI. The man was pulled over near the corner of Sheridan Road and Spruce Avenue shortly after 2 a.m. after the officer said he clocked the man 38 mph in a 25 mph zone. Just as both cars were stopped on the side of the road, the man’s car began rolling backward, hitting the cop car at about 5 mph, reports said. When the cop asked the driver why he’d backed into the cruiser, police said the man replied, “What?” No damage was reported to either car. The man’s passenger said he told the 29-year-old he wasn’t in park when they stopped, but he didn’t listen. The driver said he’d had “a few” drinks, and a breathylizer said his blood-alcohol level was .10, above the .08 legal limit. He was taken to the Kitsap County jail for DUI. Considering that less than a month ago cops shot and hit a guy in the same county when he assaulted them with his car, that is a dumb place to pull a stunt like that! That article is here: http://snipurl.com/ulwhk [www_kitsapsun_com]
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Microsoft advises not to hit F1 Dear Webby, Microoft admitted another security hole and advises not to hit F1, since that could unleash all kinds of trouble. http://www.switched.com/2010/03/02/micr ... t-press-f1 Better warn the subscribers! Dianne Dear Dianne Thanks for the heads-up! What they are not really making very clear is that only when a web site or a program tells you to hit F1, is it a problem. If nothing and nobody tells you to hit F1, then it is OK to hit it. If you are concerned that a family member might fall for a request to hit F1, then you have two choices: 1) You can assume administrator role and paste this at the command prompt: echo Y | cacls "%windir%\winhlp32.exe" /E /P everyone:N or 2) You can pry off the F1 key with a spoon, and epoxy it onto their alarm clock. Hmmmm, I wonder if my CAPS LOCK key is still glued to the coin operated copier at Walmart? Have FUN! DearWebby
Nancys nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick.His little face scrunched and said, "How does the baby get out of there?" She wanted to keep it simple so she said, "The doctor will help." His eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed, "You've got a DOCTOR in there, too?!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wash New Clothes With Similar Colors When you purchase new clothes in dark or bright colors, take advantage of the dye bleeding in the wash by adding faded clothes of the same color. The faded clothes will become brighter! By Tammy from Udall, Kansas Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Bill said the power went out recently. His wife, Kathy heard a plane flying low overhead. She noticed the plane's landing lights were on and said, "Must not be a widespread power outage -- the plane's lights are on." She was lucky she was not downtown. I heard that during the latest power failure in Los Angeles thousands of people were trapped for hours on store escalators.
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The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him. The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth. Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening he replies: "I cannot see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotations and we'll choose a contractor to fix the silly wall."

» Animal Tracks
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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What is a PPS? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, March 2, 2010

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld Never answer a critic, unless he's right. --- Bernard M. Baruch
In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e."
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check and cashed it in the store, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."
Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to one of Bridgeton, NJ's town drunks Drunk calls 911 from the back of police car BRIDGETON — State police said an intoxicated man being driven to his southern New Jersey home by troopers called 911 and claimed they were kidnapping him. The incident began after the Bridgeton man - whose name was not disclosed - was taken to the state police barracks in that Cumberland County community. Law enforcement officers had found him while investigating a disorderly persons call in Bridgeton and decided to transport him home, putting him in the cruiser's back seat. After making the fake 911 call, he continued to be disorderly despite repeated warnings. When the troopers pulled over and tried to arrest him, he resisted but was eventually restrained and taken back to the barracks. He was charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and obstruction.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nita Re: What's a PPS ? Dear Webby, Please explain to me what you meant about Joan's picture. What is a PPS? Thanks for the "Good old days" picture. Nita Dear Nita a PPS is a Power Point Show, a slide show. Usually, they are quite huge and would take way too long to download with your dial-up. Out of consideration for that, people won't normally send them to you. If you ever decide to get High Speed, people will send 2-3 a day to you, and you will probably pass them on to others just as frequently.. I looked for a tiny one and attached it. It is called The_Window.pps (For the rest of you, I uploaded it: The Window ) You may need to download the PowerPoint Viewer from my Tool Box to view PPS files. Have FUN! DearWebby
A rather boring joke I heard today reminded me of a fun incicent. Many years ago when I was taking a required course in the process of becoming an electrician, we also had to take some basics physics. Personally, I always loved physics, probably because deep down inside I am still a kid that is fascinated by anything that makes noise or moves. Most of the people in the class hated physics, and one guy in particular did a lot of complaining about it and asking why it was necessary. Finally the instructor had enough and he told him that physics was required to save his live. Naturally the guy fell for that straight line and asked how physics would save his live. "It saves lives", the instructor thundered at him, "because it keeps you from finishing the course, and because if you passed my class and then later burned down a house with your lack of knowledge, I'd have to go and shoot you." That guy quit the course right there
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cola as a Cheap Steak Marinade My husband is a retired butcher and I am certified in Culinary Arts. Marinades are expensive. Try soaking your beef steak or roast in Cola or Dr. Thunder from Walmart. Cover for 24 hrs. Then season and cook. Unbelievably tender! By Jeanne from Elysian Fields, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Californians are a strange people. They'll put every chemical known to man up their nostrils, and get so warped from snorting, that they tell you it's bad for you if you put sugar in your coffee!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters In Washington, DC for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered that when you press it, it plays 'Jingle Bells.'"

» Monopoly WWII Version
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Transferring files from an old computer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, March 1, 2010

The word 'meaningful' when used today is nearly always meaningless. --- Paul Johnson
Thanks to Sandie for this Classic: At the Sunday morning church service, the minister asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle crash and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was terrible and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from all the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every movement caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a very delicate operation, which lasted for over five hours, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery that was performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, after six weeks, Tom is now out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with relief. The minister rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell you that my wife meant to use the word sternum."
After the last child moved out of the house, Mom and Dad announce that they're getting a divorce. The kids are totally distraught and pay for a session with the world's most famous marriage counselor as a last effort at keeping their parents together. The counselor works for hours, tries all of his methods, but the couple still won't even talk to each other. Finally he goes over to a closet, brings out a beautiful violin and begins to play. After a minute, the couple start talking. The therapist keeps soloing on the violin and the couple discover that they're not actually that far apart and decide to give their marriage another try. The kids are amazed and ask the doctor how he managed to do it. He replies, "Well, I've never yet seen a couple that wouldn't talk through a violin solo."
Thanks to Joan for sending this picture: No, that is not Joan on the picture. She clipped it from a PPS.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a couple in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Thieves take jewelry, leave child at Philadelphia store A couple of thieves made off with expensive jewelry during a heist on South Street yesterday afternoon, but had a loss police said was priceless. As the duo fled, they left a 4-year-old boy behind, said Sgt. Ray Evers, a Philadelphia police spokesman. The three entered Platinum & Ice Jewelry in the 600 block of South Street about 3:30 p.m. and the man and woman asked to see rings, police said. When the clerk turned his back for a moment, the couple grabbed thousands of dollars worth of jewelry and dashed out the door. The clerk gave chase and the male robber slashed him in the face and neck with a knife. The boy was left behind. Police put the boy in the custody of the Department of Human Services. Boy left behind in robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mary Re: Copying files from old computer Dear Dr.Webby, I wrote to you a while ago & I didn't get an answer. How can I get my personal pictures off of my old computer & onto my new one. I truly love your newsletter & you sure have helped in the past. Thank you so very much. Mary Dear Mary I remember answering you. Possibly your AOL blocked my reply. If your computers are not networked, and if you don't have a CD burner on the old one, then your best bet is to take the hard drive out of the old one, buy a USB Removeable Hard Drive Case for it for $10 - $15 and stick the old drive into it. When you plug the USB drive into any USB port on the new computer, the old drive shows up as a second drive. If there is a little jumper on the back of the old drive, usually by the plug-in sockets and a label telling you in which position the jumper has to be for the drive to be a "Slave" instead of a "Master", then move it to the "Slave" position. If you don't see that jumper and label, don't worry about it. Some sense that automatically. When you plug it into the USB port, it will show up as a second hard drive, and you can drag stuff from it to your C: drive as easily as dragging stuff from one folder to another. Just open two file explorer windows side by side. Browse one to the C: drive, and the other to the removable drive. That makes dragging the files a breeze. Have FUN! DearWebby
Marcy called to make flight reservations: "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." The travel agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, of course I am sure! What flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "Do you by any chance mean Buffalo ?" "That's close enough! I knew it was a big animal!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an Indoor Clothes Line I live in Tennessee where TVA, our electric supplier, has raised our electric bills 30% in one month. I have started really trying to be more frugal. I purchased a indoor clothes line and strung it up in my basement. I bought it off eBay for $25.00, and it will hold 2 loads of laundry. It usually dries in less than one day. With a family of five, I do at least 1 load per day, I know this will help with my electric bill. Not everyone has a basement, so why not use one in a room in your home where you don't actually live, like a spare bedroom. You could put the clothes line in the closet and retract the line when not in use. My retractable line is the diameter of a paper plate and maybe 5 inches wide. In one week I was able to hang 7 loads of laundry on my line. Some loads were jeans which would have required more than one run on the dryer. I never waited more than 14-16 hours of dry time. Also, I forgot to add, my basement isn't heated or cooled. Hope this helps someone. By Karen M. from Greeneville, TN Excellent idea! I use a clothesline too, from my covered deck to the garage, with a large pulley on each side. I can stand nice and dry on the deck, hang the clothes and scoot the line out into the rain for an extra soft rinse. Clothes last a lot longer too, if you don't use a dryer to rip the lint out of them. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Ellie for this one: My father, in the hospital after surgery to repair a hip replacement, needed assistance to get on and off the toilet and the bedpan. 89 years old, he was also extremely modest and had a tough time dealing with the matter-of-fact ways nursing personnel dealt with bodily functions. One time two aides put him on the bedpan and stood by the bed waiting for him to finish. He looked at them and said. "It'll cost you a quarter to watch." Another time an aide put him on the toilet and left. When she came back about 5 minutes later, she asked if he was done yet. He looked at her in all seriousness and asked, "Why, do you need to use it?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
Bo was telling the little ones of how it was when he was a young boy in Brooklyn, in Manhattan's immigrant ghetto. "When I was a kid," he said, "we didn't even have a radio. So our dad bored a hole through the wall into the living room of the Irish couple in the next apartment, to hear all the great boxing fights. That's when we discovered that they didn't have a radio either, and the fights we heard through the wall were live."

» Olympic Village
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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