snmaster.idx database file is missing / in the slum, and naked 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, March 15, 2010

The nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault. --- Henry Kissinger Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law? --- Dick Clark
Over dinner one evening, a wife says to her husband, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me. He used really bad language. He even threatened me!" "How did you meet this fellow?" her husband asked, very concerned. "Well," she says, "we met by accident. I backed into his wheelchair with the car."
A young mother finds out she is pregnant again, and she tells the good news to anyone who will listen. One day when the woman and the boy are out shopping, a friend of the mother asks the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. "Oh, yes!" the little tyke says. And having overheard some of his parents' private conversations, he adds, "And I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call it Mary, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jason Botos, 30, Papillon, nebraska Nebraska. man too drunk for DUI sentencing PAPILLION, Neb. (AP) - Authorities said a 30-year-old-man showed up so drunk for his sentencing for drunken driving that he missed his hearing and now faces even more time behind bars. Authorities said Jason Botos was driven to the Papillion courthouse on Thursday by his father, who needed help from deputies to get his son out of the vehicle. Prosecutor Ben Perlman said Botos was so drunk he couldn't attend the hearing, so the judge issued a warrant. Deputies arrested Botos in the parking lot. Another hearing is set for Tuesday. A jail spokeswoman said Botos remained in custody Friday. Botos had pleaded guilty to misdemeanor drunken driving in a September 2009 collision with five other vehicles.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mary Re: snmaster.idx database file is missing Dear dr. webby, I think I need someone to take my computer licence away from me. I have this message coming up telling me I need to reinstall this file ( snmaster.idx database file is missing ) I have no idea where or how it went missing. You are the best there is because you have always helped when I am in trouble & I think this missing file maybe the reason I can not get my McAfee to run. HELP !!! As always Thank You for being here able to help. Mary Dear Mary If it was up to me, I would not take away your computer license. I would take away your AOL and force you to graduate. From what I read, that problem is a pissing contest between AOL 9 and VISTA, and if you are using the AOL version of McAfee instead of the full version, then McAfee won't work either. You are in the slum, and you are naked. There is a LOT of writing about that problem on the net, however, no two people seem to agree on how to fix the problem. They all seem to agree, though, 1) that calling AOL support is a waste of time, and that 2) switching to Vista was a dumb move. Try deleting your AOL desktop shortcut, and make a new one. That worked for one AOLer. Another one had luck with downloading that file from daol.aol.com/software/91 and re-installing it. Without that file apparently you can not even do a clean UN-install of AOL, since it not only has your password, but also the master record of all the various mysterious places where AOL hid files. Have FUN! DearWebby
A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands. They had been silent for a while, when the lass said, "A penny for your thoughts." The lad was a bit abashed, but he finally said, "Well, I was thinkin' how nice it would be if ye'd give me a wee bit of a kiss." So she did so. But he again lapsed into a pensive mood which lasted long enough for the lass to ask him, "What are ye thinkin' now?" To which the lad grumbled, "Well, I was hopin' ye hadn't forgot the penny!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Insulate Windows With Bubblewrap A great way to insulate windows in the winter and summer, is to use Bubblewrap. It not only insulates, but it still lets light in. It won't grow mold, and can be washed. I put it inside my windows. You can hang it up with just a few tacks or push-pins. By JLS If at all possible, use double-sided tape and attach the bubble wrap 7 cm (2 1/2 inches) from the glass, with un-vented dead air space between the glass and the bubble-wrap. That is the absolute optimal distance for insulating that way, but anything from one to three inches is still excellent. If the window is hinged, you can make a frame froim 2x2's and stretch the bubble-wrap over that frame, then attach that frame to the window. That way you can open the window without any fuss. Unless you want a hot-box for pre-heating the water for the water heater or pool, make sure windows that are insulated that way, are shaded in summer or have blinds or shutters on the OUTSIDE. That 7cm trick of course also works for greenhouses. If you see somebody upgrading their windows, try to get the old single pane windows to make a simple lean-to greenhouse on a side of the house or apartment balcony. Just make sure that the glass is on the outside. UV from the sunlight destroys bubble-wrap in one season. Glass stops the UV. Unless you want boiled tomatoes, you will have to provide venting on hot summer days. That trick works a lot better than you expect. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A cardiac specialist died and at his funeral the coffin was placed in front of a huge mock up of a heart made up of flowers. When the pastor finished with the sermon and eulogy, and after everyone said their good-byes, the heart opened, the coffin rolled inside and the heart closed. Just then one of the mourners burst into laughter. The guy next to him asked: "Why are you laughing?" "I was thinking about my own funeral" the man replied. "What's so funny about that?" "I'm a proctologist."
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What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner? A power failure.

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Hibernate or Sleep? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, March 14, 2010

Books have the same enemies as people: fire, humidity, animals, weather, and their own content. --- Paul Valery It is a sign of a creeping inner death when we no longer can praise the living. --- Eric Hoffer
One day our German class was unusually talkative despite repeated warnings, and our teacher was becoming rather exasperated. After what must have been the sixth or eighth warning, he raised his voice to declare, "All right! The next person who talks is going to be severely castigated." The class was then very quiet for a few seconds, at least until a girl in the front row asked the teacher, "Mr. T--, how are you going to do that to a girl?"
Ray and Randy were riding the New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Randy adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Ray, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a five, and gladly hands it to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him profusely and continues on to the other passengers. Randy is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on EARTH did you do that for???" shouts Randy. "You know he's only going to use it on booze!!!" Ray replies, "And we weren't?"
Looks like this year the fox got away
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Santiago Contreras, 20, Middletown, NY Fake FBI man targeted police chief's house NEW YORK (UPI) -- Police in a New York town said an attempted home invader posing as an FBI agent was arrested after targeting the wrong man -- the chief of police. Investigators said Santiago Contreras, 20, knocked on the Middletown police chief's door at about 9:18 a.m. EST Tuesday and allegedly flashed a resident alien card, claiming it was his FBI credentials, and displayed a piece of paper he claimed was a search warrant, WABC-TV, New York, reported Wednesday. The police report said Contreras fled on foot after the chief asked to see his identification again and he was later arrested by officers and found to be in possession of a homemade "shank" knife and plastic gloves. Contreras was arrested and charged with attempted robbery, attempted burglary, criminal possession of a weapon, criminal possession of a forged instrument and criminal impersonation.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: WTW Re: Sleep or hibernation? What is the difference between Hibernation and Sleep Modes? Are there times when either is preferable to the other? What are the advantages and/or disadvantages of each? With a laptop (Windows Vista) does one or the other use more battery power? Dear WTW Don't use sleep as the default lid closing action. Windows is rather flakey about waking up from sleep if you have Vista or W7. Plus it uses battery. Sleep should never be used for longer than refilling your coffee. Sleep does not save anything to the hard drive, just to the RAM. If the battery runs out while it is in Sleep, you lost whatever you had going. Hibernate saves everything to the hard drive, and then safely shuts down. When you wake it up from Hibernation, it takes 20 seconds longer to wake up, but it does so reliably, and without losing anything. Also, Hibernate does not run down your battery, even if it is in hibernation for a week or two. Have FUN! DearWebby
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection - a baseball bat to the cash register. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. "Cash," she snapped. Then apologizing for her rudeness, she explained, " I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau. I am not too sane right now!!" "Shall I gift -wrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly, "Or or you going back?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Your Feet Dry With Plastic Bags When we were kids and wanted to play outside in the rain or snow, we didn't have boots. My mother would put plastic bags over our socks then put our shoes on then cover the plastic bags up with our pants. My mom used bread bags but I used recycled plastic grocery bags for my kids. These days I still cover my socks with plastic bags before I go out into the snow. It's one more useful thing you can do with those plastic bags that are just waiting to be reused! By CDR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Tom was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?" Tom replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?" Tom replied, "The same place you got your silly train!"
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Two husbands, Bill and Doug, were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were argument sometimes. Then Bill said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Doug, "How do you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Bill. "My last words are always 'Yes, Dear.'"

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Text version 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, March 13, 2010
Tonight, change the clocks to show one hour ahead of where they
currently are. At the same time, also replace your smoke detector
batteries.

The human mind treats a new idea the same way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it. --- P. B. Medawar Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question. --- Albert Camus
My mother taught me about JUSTICE - "One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU.. THEN you'll see what it's like."
"It's no good, sir," said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. "I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other." "Goes in both ears and out the other?" asked the puzzled teacher. "But you only have two ears, boy." "Guess I'm no good at math, either!"
Monument Valley
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rondell Bailey, Oklahoma City Man offered 'last tree' to deputies OKLAHOMA CITY (UPI) -- Authorities in Oklahoma said a man who crashed into a parking lot walked into a jail and offered a stick he called the "last tree in the universe" as payment. Oklahoma County sheriff's deputies said Rondell Bailey walked into the downtown Oklahoma City jail with a stick and told deputies he wanted to offer the object, which he called the "last tree in the universe," in exchange for dropping any possible charges against him, KOCO-TV, Oklahoma City, reported Wednesday. The deputies said Bailey left after being told the stick was not an acceptable form of payment and threw a brick through a jail window. Investigators said they discovered a white powder suspected to be methamphetamine during a search of the suspect's truck. Bailey was arrested on destruction of property and drug charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Betty Jane Re: text version I DID NOT mean to unsubscribe...I want the humor text version! I don't like the one I'm receiving. Thank you...I DO want to receive it, but in another version. Betty Dear Betty The text version was retired on March 1/2010 after 16 years, due to lack of demand and response, but especially because of too many bounces from full mail boxes of people, who only check their mail once every blue moon. Have FUN! DearWebby
Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when she got a phone call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?" Jill said, "Four dollars." She said, "How much for children?" Jill said, "Same price, four dollars per seat." She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children." Jill said, "OK, put the kids on a plane somewhere, and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Your Alfredo Sauce With Broth Here's a tip that can help you reduce your sugar and fat intake and save you a little money. If you buy a jar of alfredo sauce, try cutting it with an equal amount of chicken broth. Heat the broth and sauce together, throw in some brocolli and cook until tender. Then mix this sauce with your noodles and a handful of grated parmesan cheese. You end up with a thinner sauce but it still tastes good and has reduced fat, calories and sugar. Lewis from Port Orchard Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything. He was served a piece of meat, and as he picked it up with his fork, he held it up and smirked: "Is this pig?" Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: "To which end of the fork are you referring?"
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Nancy was a none-too-bright young woman who had moved to Hollywood with dreams of becoming a star. She didn't find fame or glory, but she did encounter plenty of men willing to enjoy her plentiful charms, and soon she found herself called to testify in a divorce case. When it was her turn on the stand, the lawyer came forward. "Ms Nancy, the wife of the defendant has identified you as the 'other woman' in her husband's life. Now, do you admit that you went to the Pricerite Motel with this Mr. Evans?" "Well, yes," acknowledged Nancy with a sniff, "but I couldn't help it." "Couldn't help it?" asked the lawyer derisively. "How's that?" "Mr. Evans deceived me." "Exactly what do you mean?" "See, when we signed in," she explained, "he told the motel clerk I was his wife."

» Daylight Saving Time
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Very old computer with not much RAM 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, March 12, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood. --- George Santayana
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's rather distracting!" Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir, its a compass!"
A young boy about five or six years was talking on the telephone. As his dad listened on, the youngster told his grandparents dejectedly, "Mom is in the hospital, so the twins and Roxie and Billy and Sally and Max-the-dog and me and Dad are home all alone."
Thanks to Guinn for this picture: A Red-shafted Flicker having lunch with a Pine Siskin.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gregorio Iniguez, Chile name of country mis-spelled on coin The general manager of the Chilean mint has been sacked after thousands of coins were issued with the name of the country spelled wrongly. The 50-peso coins were issued in 2008, but no-one noticed the mistake until late last year, reports the BBC. Instead of C-H-I-L-E, the coins had C-H-I-I-E stamped on them. The coins have since become collectors' items and the mint says it has no plans to take them out of circulation. People have reportedly been hoarding the coins in the hope their value rises. But the mistake has cost the mint's general manager, Gregorio Iniguez, and several other employees, their jobs. It is not the first embarrassing blunder at the Chilean mint. Last October, someone there sold a rare medal, which should have been housed in the institution's museum, to a coin collector.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Noella Re: Very old computer Dear Webby, We have another very old computer I want to put Windows 98 on. The only legal Windows 98 cd I have is an upgrade which means I need to install Windows 3.1 or Windows 95 and upgrade. I have a Windows 95 cd I can use. My problem is that right now the computer has Windows XP on it. The hard drive is ntfs and I need to format it to fat32. How do I do that? It ran the XP before putting on and taking off Service Pack 2 (though I don't know how it ran XP since it only has 96-97 mgs of ram on it). Right now, it is in a "hang or loop" mode - trying to start XP, shutting down and restarting. I've been told that is because it doesn't have enough ram to run XP. I've searched the 'net, but I don't seem to come across a site that deals with the main hard drive. It won't access my Windows 95 cd because it's ntfs and I need to change it. At least that's what I've been told. Thanks so much, Noella Dear Noella If it had enough actually working RAM, then the Windows 95 set-up CD would format the drive properly. You can select FAT32 or even FAT16 in the BIOS, if necessary. With only 96 MB RAM I doubt that even Windows 3.1 would work well. As far as I remember, we used to use 256 MB in those days. Since you probably can't get RAM for that old board, your best bet is to get a motherboard kit from Tigerdirect or a place like that, including 2000 MB of RAM, and have a kid with good eyesight install it. It is not difficult at all, but some of the writing on the motherboard is too small for most adults. Anything else will probably wind up costing you more. You can also check with a local computer fixer to see if they have working motherboards from people who upgraded to more powerful boards. Have FUN! DearWebby
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the grocery store!" "I doubt that!" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of prunes?" The clerk replies, "Sure, Canned or Dried?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Masking Tape to Make Seed Tapes I empty the packet of seed on a plate. I unroll masking tape in front of me. Sticky side up, I dampen my index finger. It helps, to pick up the seeds. I then place two seeds, down on the tape, then two more seeds down on the tape, six inches apart. Add two more seeds down until you run out of seeds. I roll up the tape on a Popsicle stick, or a stick from outside, or an ink pen. I don't use pencil because of the lead inside. At planting time, I use a stick to help unwind. I plant 6 inches under, loose soil mixed with one part sand 3 parts potting soil. I plant straight, to the garden. I cover if before, last frost. There is no danger of root shock. My plants are always straight. They do well. I store my seeds in a dry plastic zip lock bag, with a paper towel to absorb any moisture. I store all my seeds this way. By Ellen Lou from Tennessee Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"
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My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL - "If you don't clean up your act, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

» Funky Tomatoes
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How do I open .swf files? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, March 11, 2010

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today. --- Abraham Lincoln: Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in a while, nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation. --- Kin Hubbard
A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?" The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother?"
One Sunday a priest announced he was passing out minature crosses made of palm leaves. "Put this cross in the room where your family argues most," he advised. "When you look at it, the cross will remind you that God is watching." When the parishoners were leaving church, a woman walked up to the priest, shook his hand and said, "I'll take five."
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Dendrobium
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 41 year old Swedish fake pilot Bogus pilot arrested just before take-off A Swedish man without a valid pilot's licence has been arrested at Amsterdam as he was about to fly a jet with 101 passengers to Turkey. The 41-year-old man said he had been flying for European airlines for 13 years and had logged 10,000 hours, reports the BBC. Police said he once had a licence to fly small planes but it had expired and it did not allow him to fly large jets. Reports say the man was relieved his long deception was uncovered and tore off his pilot's stripes in the cockpit. Turkey's Corendon Airlines said he had been flying for the airline for two years and had "expertly misled the company with his false papers". The airline said it had been alerted by police and had a pilot standing by to fly the Boeing 737 from Amsterdam's Schiphol airport to Ankara. Dutch police were acting on a tip-off from Swedish authorities. The man is in custody awaiting trial for forging documents and flying without a licence.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Phyllis Re: How do I open .swf files? Dear Webby, First, I want to tell you how very much I enjoy this newsletter on a daily basis! There is always something to smile about, ponder, and learn from! Thank you so much! Now, I have a question, and I hope you can help me. I have a HP with Vista Home Premium program, and for some reason, I can't open any attachment that is .swf. What is the reason, and can I remedy the situation? Thanks so much for your help, in advance!!! Sincerely, Phyllis Dear Phyllis Just go to my Tool Box and download the Adobe Flash Player. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two Yuppettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, "Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I've lost 20 pounds." "Why don't you just leave him then?" asked her friend. "Oh! Not yet." the first replied, "I'd like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Scrapbooking Material From Surprising Sources While I don't scrapbook, my new sewing machine gave me tons of scrapbooking materials, if I was inclined! The manufacturer published a second full manual in a language I don't speak or understand. I can cut that up for scrapbooking pages - there's diagrams, pictures, line art, and frames that would be cool to use. By Dorrie from Norman, OK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A couple trying to break into society hosted a dinner party. As the guests were enjoying their dinner salad, the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid informed her that the cat had climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of the salmon's midsection. The hostess decided to quickly drive to the store and get some canned salmon to fill the eaten portion. As the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess into the kitchen and announced while wringing her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead." The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their stomachs pumped. Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put the cat. "It is still out on the road where you ran over it when you went to get the canned salmon."
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A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the army. "But, wait a minute," said the listener, "She'll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too. Won't she?" "Sure," replied the man. "Well, won't they find out?" The man shrugged, "So far, none of them complained."

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How do I make destop links to sites? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wenesday, March 10, 2010

There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else. --- James Thurber Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. --- A. H. Weiler
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Little Matthew was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.' Little Matthew said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse.. It's called Bunk Beds.. And Jimmie's mom wants to talk to you.'
Thanks to Sandie for this story: "I have a problem," Suzanne complained to her friend, "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." "Don't you have a phone in your car?" asked the friend. "That was too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." "A mail box? Does that work?" "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." "And why do you think that is?" Suzanne thought for a moment, then replied, "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
The first Norwegian Icebreaker heads up the Mississippi As you may have seen on the news, it's been very cold in the Midwest, so cold in fact that we have borrowed a Norwegian Icebreaker from Minnesota to unclog the Mississippi, starting near Davenport and working its way north. Here is the first picture of it as it begins the hard work required to break up the ice. Tom W Norwegian Icebreaker
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alen Nguyen, 22, in Winter Haven, Florida Tried to redeem winners at same store where stole the tickets BARTOW, Fla. (AP) - A Winter Haven man was arrested after authorities say he took a winning scratch-off ticket back to the store he had stolen it from a day earlier. The Polk County Sheriff's Office reports that 22-year-old Alen Nguyen stole $70 worth of scratch-off lottery tickets from a Circle K store on Sunday. One of the tickets revealed a $50 prize. When Nguyen went back to the store on Monday to claim the money, a clerk who was aware of the theft asked Nguyen for his driver's license and wrote down the information. The clerk called the authorities, and deputies went to arrest Nguyen. He was charged with retail theft and later released on $250 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: How do I make destop links to sites? Dear Webby, how can I get links to sites I use frequently to be sent to my destop? I use Windows XP Service pack 3. Thanks! Carol Dear Carol Browse to a site that you want a shortcut icon for, then grab the little icon at the left side in the browser address bar, and drag it to the desktop, or to a thematic folder on the desktop. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Roland for this story: One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. You don't love me any more?" "Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Bleach Water to Control Gnats Recently our house has been overrun with gnats. I followed all your suggestions, nothing worked. I finally called an exterminator, he couldn't come but he told us to pour scalding water down every drain in our house and follow it up with bleach. They said we may have to do it several times before we can see it is effective. We used 2 gallons of scalding hot water for each drain and followed up with a quart of bleach for each drain. I wanted to pass this along cause it is really a problem this year. By BJ from Mid Missouri Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Sandie for this story: Joan had a system for labeling leftover meals in the freezer . She would carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables" or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." Everyday when she asked her husband what he wanted for dinner, he never asked for any of those meals. She decided to stock the freezer with his various requests. What he really likes. So now you'll see a whole new set of labels: "Whatever", "Anything", "I Don't Know", "I Don't Care", "Something Good", or "Food" . No more frustration for Joan, because no matter what her husband replies when she asks him what he wants for dinner, it's there waiting.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda notices that Jill seems troubled and asks her, "Is something bugging you? You look anxious." "Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market," Jill explained. "Oh, that's too bad," Linda sympathized. "I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him." "Yeah, I am," Jill said. "He'll miss me."

» River of colors
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Can you run Norton and McAfee together on one machine? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, March 9, 2010

“America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." --- Fred Maslack
Bob and Katie were having a discussion about family finances. Finally Bob exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" Katie replied, "If it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here either."
A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered at him: "Have you ever been married?" "Yes, sir," said the witness in a low voice. "Once." "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?" And the witness said meekly, "MY mother did."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Near Bogota, Columbia
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a woman in Bochum, Germany German police summoned over forgotten vibrator BERLIN (AFP) – A woman in Germany phoned police after hearing "suspicious noises" in her flat, but much to her embarrassment officers found the source was a vibrator, authorities said Friday. The noise was so loud and strange, even over the telephone, that police in Bochum in western Germany decided to send a patrol car around to the "scene of the crime", a statement said. "Daringly, and with the occupier's permission, one of the officers opened the drawer of a wardrobe where the noise was coming from. "Underneath some clothes he found a very personal, battery-operated object which was switched on. The tenant's face abruptly changed colour." Police then "wished her a nice evening and left".
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joyce Re: Can you run Norton and McAfee together? I was wondering if you can run Norton with McAfee I have always used Norton & worked great until my computer acted up the other day. Now i can't even open up other sites. Can you tell me if you know if you can get a virus form You Tube I am always cafefull on what i open Thank You Joyce Dear Joyce Your computer worked great, because you were careful, probably not because you have Norton. As you found out, Norton did not adequately protect you. . What makes it worse is that Norton is as difficult to remove as a trojam pr virus, and makes virus removal even more difficult. There is a Norton Remover in my Tool Box. After using that, you can do a clean install of McAfee or Kapersky Running two different anti-virus programs is generally not a good idea. Quite often they get into a pissing contest and put each other's virus detection tables into Quarantine. Have FUN! DearWebby
A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove. At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to desend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!" Still no sign of the dove. The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters: "Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the cat?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Bag Salads for Camping Camping is a great family time but you always don't have lots of room for cooking and storage. I make what we call a bag salad. You cook all your favorite ingredients (pasta or potato salad) and put in a Ziploc bag. Add your seasonings and dressing and just mix with bag closed, carefully squishing. Store in cooler till ready to serve. You can serve from the bag or put in a dish. Happy camping to all. By Sillepeanut from Whitehall, MI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large parrot. He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding proceeds hot and heavy with someone always bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer, "Can the bird talk?" The auctioneer replied, "Who do you think was bidding against you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week." Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said, "It's not all the devil's fault; she's not that easy to get along with either on some days."

» Strange Food
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How to get rid of lsas.blaster.keylogger 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, March 8, 2010

Most advances in science come when a person for one reason or another is forced to change fields. --- Peter Borden One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. --- Bertrand Russell
A wife sent her husband and their daughter to the health food store with a carefully prepared shopping list. They returned with brussel sprouts, organically grown tomatoes, wild rice, tofu, veggie burgers, celery stalks, .... and a box of chocolate cookies. The man noticed his wife's hostile glare when she pulled out the cookies. So he said, "Hey, this box of cookies has one-third less sugar AND fat than usual!" "Really? And just why is that?" she asked icily. "We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he grinned.
Marcy walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale. "Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first." "Oh, that won't work," says Marcy. "Why not?" asks the clerk. "Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Megan Mariah Barnes, 37 from the Floriduh Keys Driver lacked razor-sharp focus As authorities nationwide warn motorists of the dangers of driving while texting, Florida Keys law enforcement officers add a new caution: Don't try to shave your privates, either. Florida Highway Patrol troopers say a two-vehicle crash Tuesday at Mile Marker 21 on Cudjoe Key was caused by a 37-year-old woman driver who was shaving her bikini area while her ex-husband took the wheel from the passenger seat. "She said she was meeting a boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Gary Dunick said. "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot ... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it." If that weren't enough, Megan Mariah Barnes was not supposed to be driving and her 1995 Ford Thunderbird was not supposed to be on the road. The day before the wreck, Barnes was convicted in an Upper Keys court of DUI with a prior and driving with a suspended license, said Monroe County Assistant State Attorney Colleen Dunne. Barnes was ordered to impound her car, and her driver's license was revoked for five years, after which time she must have a Breathalyzer ignition interlock device on any vehicle she drives, Dunne said. Barnes also was sentenced to nine months' probation. Barnes and Charles Judy were southbound in her Thunderbird at 11 a.m. when they slammed into the back of a 2006 Chevrolet pickup driven by David Schoff of Palm Bay. His passengers were a man and two women; the latter were treated for minor injuries at Lower Keys Medical Center, FHP spokesman Alex Annunziato said. Schoff had slowed to about 5 mph to make a turn when the Thunderbird hit him. Barnes allegedly drove another half-mile, then switched seats with Mr Judy, who allegedly claimed to be driving, Annunziato said. "She jumps in the back seat and he moves over," Dunick said. "It was like the old comedy bit, 'Who's on first?' " Burns on Judy's chest from the passenger-side airbag deploying belied their story, Dunick said. The airbag in the steering wheel did not deploy, he said. Troopers charged Barnes with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries and driving with no insurance. Mr Judy was not charged. Barnes faces a maximum of a year in jail if found guilty of violating her probation due to the wreck, Dunne said. "My phone has been ringing off the hook all day, and I know there's a funny side to this, but it's also deadly serious. This is a scary road and a lot of bad wrecks are caused by dumb stuff like this," Dunick said. "It is unbelievable. I'm really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: lsas.blaster.keylogger Dear Webby The worm/virus lsas.blaster.keyloger has taken over my pc. It will not alllow me to do anything on it at all. It will not let into it to do any repairs. We went to a site on google by typing in lsas, and it had a removal suggestion, and a stop process there. It will not allow me to do either of them. It will throw up the window for a minisecond, and then it is gone. Can you nelp me, do you know what to do??? I am on a neighbors pc, and have my lappie right here too. Please help me asap... Thanks, Jai Dear Jai Try using that remover in Safe Mode. Reboot your computer and keep hitting F8 during the boot, until you get the choice of boot type. Select Safe Mode, then run that remover. If that doesn't help, restart in Safe Mode with networking and try this: http://darfuns.com/remove-trojan-lsas-b ... keylogger/ Have FUN! DearWebby Dear Webby Your fix worked perfectly! The nasties are gone, and I have my pc back without having to pay for it as they were demanding. I knew you would know how to fix it, thank you sooo much for helping. Jai
In the back woods of Tennessee, a redneck's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming". Sure enough, within minutes, he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down, there's another one!" said the doctor. Within a few minutes he had delivered another baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern. ..it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor. The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Take Your Lunch in a Cloth Tote Bag To save paper and money, I take my lunch to work every day in a cloth tote bag that I bought at the Dollar Store. It is about 10x10 inch square and has a nice handle. When I come home, I just put my lunch bag in the fridge so I can find it fast in the morning. I never run out of paper bags, I save money, and it's a good way to reduce waste. By Laurie from Portland, OR You can step that up to deluxe, if you put a bubble-wrap lined padded manila envelope with re-sealable flap into it. If you have to fly, you just slide the envelope into your laptop or brief-case, and avoid those horendously overpriced stale airline sandwiches, that you can buy nowadays instead of the free meal you used to get. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase "Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life..." "What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked. "Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having goodness and mercy folowing me around. But I don't want Shirley following me around all the time. She's a gossip and a spoilsport!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.

» Puppy Chuckles
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Download Spybot 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, March 7, 2010

Machines take me by surprise with great frequency. --- Alan Turing The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. --- Socratex In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite. --- Paul Dirac
There was a fairly wealthy 70 year-old man who had just married a beautiful 25-year-old young lady. One of his long time friends said to him, "How did you get that gorgeous woman to marry a 70 year-old guy like you?" The man leaned over and whispered to his friend, "It was easy. I simply told her that I was 90 and had heart problems, and she instantly fell in love with me."
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
Snow drifts on frozen lakes
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 41-year-old Kim Yoo-chul and his 25-year-old wife, Choi Mi-sun in Seoul, Korea Baby Starved as Couple Nurtured Virtual Kid (March 5) -- A South Korean couple addicted to the Internet left their 3-month-old daughter to starve to death while they raised a virtual daughter online during 12-hour bouts at a cyber cafe, police said. The husband and wife had been on the run since their baby, born prematurely, died five months ago of severe dehydration and malnutrition, police said. They were arrested this week near their home south of the capital Seoul and charged today with child abuse and neglect.It is not likely that they will ever be allowed onto the Internet again.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Download Spybot Dear Webby; Hi again. I just went to your tools to check on Spybot but there are several places to download it. Which one do you recommend to download free? Also how big is it? This way I'll know how long to gibve it to download. i have 100 Mbps now. Thanks Sharon Dear Sharon Any of those places are fine. If one is a bit slow at the moment, pick the next one. At 100 Mbps you will probably get about 2/3 of that in actual download speed, and it will take just slightly longer than a quickie. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two not too very bright city guys decided to go into the dairy business. They drove up to a dairy farm and asked the owner if he had any cows for sale. The owner had been trying to get rid of a non performing bull for years told them he would let his best producing cow go for a mere one thousand dollars. The 2 guys said wonderful and loaded up the bull and left. They got back to their place and tried to milk the bull but didn't get any milk. So one of the guys ran back to the farmer to find out how to get the milk flowing. The farmer told them they had to make the cow drink plenty of water and then pump the tail up and down. Satisfied the city slicker went back and he and his partner pushed the bull down to the stream. Well, the bull wasn't very thirsty and didn't drink so one guy held the bulls head in the water and the other guy pumped igorously with the tail. About that time the bull decided to take advantage of the raised tail and to dump some solids. The guy pumping yelled to his friend "Raise his head he is sucking mud." -------- Well, he sure would not try to hold the head of one of the 2500 pound bulls they have around here. Those bulls flip a car over if they don't like it's color.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dispose of Prescription Bottles Safely Be especially safe with your old prescription bottles. Be sure and mark through the name of person and drug name with a marker before putting in trash as some people would try to get it filled, especially if it is for a pain pill. God Bless you and stay safe! By DCW from TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The Midlothian Council in the UK, in a handbook issued to teachers, has listed 'lying' as a recognized disability, thereby branding it an ''illness'' which requires tolerance and assistance from those not afflicted by this "illness", and of course this will make the persons suffering from this incurable "illness" eligible for some sort of disability compensation and disability pension. Also listed, as a "genuine disability", is the inability to spell correctly. Teachers there can no longer mark down for bad spelling.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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He, Luigi, you are a man of the world. "What is an operetta?" "That'sa da girl who works the switchboard at da teliphone company."

» PCB Salvage
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printer driver for Ubuntu inside XP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, March 6, 2010

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. --- Doug Larson Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. --- William Feather
"Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you." "First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds in your lower half. Second, you should use only about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick as you did this morning. And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next floor."
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little, and get your hair cut, then we will talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "Son, I'm real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "yeah, nobody ever lent them a car either!"
Thanks to Guinn for this picture: Hi, Webby. I thought you might like this picture I took this afternoon of a male roufous sided towhee. Towhees are a bit smaller than robins, larger than sparrows. Guinn
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Moira Williams, 67, of Sault Ste. Marie, Ont., Sent in by Jackie SAULT STE. MARIE, Ont. - A Northern Ontario woman was charged with mischief on Tuesday after police say she wouldn't stop calling 911 to ask them to pick her up some smokes. Police say that Moira Williams, 67, of Sault Ste. Marie, Ont., had been drinking and ran out of cigarettes when she repeatedly called the emergency line to ask police to go to the store and buy her some. Williams was warned several times to stop calling unless she had an emergency, police said. By 3:15 a.m., police drove to her home and arrested her. She is to appear in court April 12.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: Ubuntu inside XP printer driver Dear Webby, I am running a 2 year old version of Ubuntu inside XP. Everything works fine except for my Lexmark X3479 printer. I don't seem to be able to find compatible drivers for it to work in Ubuntu. I get an error message, sometimes. stating that Ubuntu doesn't think my printer is connected. Any ideas on how I can get my printer to work while in Ubuntu? Thanks, John Dear John That is a bit too specialized for me. Try one of the Linux forums. Try http://www.linuxquestions.org/questions/ I have received excellent and very fast help from there. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two redneck guys go on a fishing trip. They spend a fortune renting all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. The first day they go fishing,but don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day and the third . This goes on until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. While driving home One guy turns to the other ... "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us nearly $1500?" The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Your Brillo In Half Instead of using a whole Brillo pad, I cut one in half. It's great if you only need to clean a couple of pots or pans. Instead of wasting a whole pad. By Lynda from Kearny, NJ Instead of the quickly used up Brillo pads you can use scratchy sponge pads. Usually they have a yellow sponge (avoid the ones that have yellow foam!) glued onto an abrasive pad. The pads are color coded. They use the same color code as floor buffing pads, and in the 70's they were the actual punched out centers of buffing pads. White is the softest, and you can still get those hockey puck shaped scouring pads for facial scrubbing in cosmetic stores. Quite pricey, considering they are the throw-away waste of floor buffing pads. Nowadays the scouring part is cut from thinner material and in rectangular form. Green colored pads on the yellow sponge is excellent for most dishwashing and household scrubbing, and dark blue works well on the outside bottom of pots and other difficult challenges. Those abrasive mesh backed sponges clean about as well as Brillo pads, but are much kinder to your hands. The major difference, though, is that they are not throw-aways! If you rinse and gently wring them after use, each one lasts for a year or more, and they are perfectly safe to use in today's flimsy non-stick pots and pans. Just make sure you get the sponge type, with the holes in the sponge of all different sizes, like bread, NOT the ones that use a yellow foam with uniform hole size. The foam type is rather useless on the foam side, whereas the firmer sponge type does an amazing amount of cleaning. You rarely have to flip it to the abrasive side. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a very large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife instantly appears out of nowhere."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was afraid the shock would give him a heart attack. So the minister went to the man's house and said, "Joe, what would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" Joe replied, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half of it to the church." At which the pastor fell over dead.

» Weird fish
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Is my printer infected? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, March 5, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

None are so busy as the fool and knave. --- John Dryden
A guy goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife has lost her voice, a week ago...." "And you are afraid she'll find it again ?"
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, "A lawyer!"
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Looking down at the birds Eagels or Glacier Crows or some birds like that are playing in the strong updraft at the Valuga in Austria. This is high above the tree line and they are definitely not looking for something to eat, but simply goofing around and enjoying the updraft. There were whisps of cloud just below the peak and above the birds, causing a very interesting effect.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jonathon Michael Smith, 22 in Fairbanks, Alaska Fairbanks man arrested again after trying to buy 4th truck with forged check by Chris Freiberg / cfreiberg@newsminer.com FAIRBANKS — A Fairbanks man is accused of trying to purchase a $28,000 pickup truck with a forged check for the fourth time this year. Jonathon Michael Smith, 22, was arraigned Tuesday on new felony charges of attempted first-degree theft and second-degree forgery. He still faces more than a dozen other charges stemming from the previous incidents, and had been out on bail for only about two weeks when he allegedly tried to pull the scam Monday at Seekins Ford. Smith reportedly told a Seekins employee that he had recently come into a large sum of money, and he intended to purchase a 2007 Ford F-150 pickup truck. However, the manager became suspicious of the check from USAA and accompanying letter stating the check was valid, and contacted another local dealership that was allegedly swindled by Smith. USAA is a financial services company serving military members and their families. Smith was a Fort Wainwright soldier who was discharged in January following his initial arrest. He was AWOL from his unit for two years, said Maj. Bill Coppernoll, a spokesman for U.S. Army Alaska. Fairbanks police Officer Jim O’Malley responded to the dealership soon after the manager became aware that something was amiss. O’Malley was aware of Smith’s history and asked him what he was doing. Smith said that he was “being stupid,” according to a criminal complaint filed in court. Magistrate Bethany Harbison set Smith’s bail at $20,000. If he is released from jail, he is not allowed on the premises of a car dealership and he cannot possess checks or items purported to be checks. Smith allegedly used forged checks to purchase two trucks worth $70,000 from Kendall Honda in January. About the same time, he also tried to purchase a $25,000 truck from Gene’s Chrysler, but employees became suspicious of the checks Smith wrote and refused to deliver the vehicle. To create the checks, Smith allegedly altered a USAA check another man posted on his blog after removing the account and routing numbers. He would print the altered check from e-mails and try to pass them as real to the employees of local car dealerships, court documents allege. All of the forged checks had blurry printing, inconsistent fonts and lacked routing numbers, according to court records. In January, he told police he did not know why the checks had not been honored since he had money market and mutual fund accounts with USAA. He also claimed to have received an inheritance recently from his mother after she passed away. A USAA representative told Fairbanks police that Smith has a checking account with them with a zero balance, as well as an overdrawn credit card. The company does not e-mail checks to customers, according to court filings. At his arraignment Tuesday, Smith said he plans to hire his own lawyer.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Annette Re: Infected laser printer Dear Webby, I bought a Dell 1320c color laser when you recommended it a few years ago. It works flawlessly and is easy on the toner, especially when we use it in toner saving mode. Copies of invoices and stuff like that really don't have to be in crisp, bright color, so we usually print in black plus toner saving. Sure, the prints look like the currently fashionable faggy pages with grey text on white, that are difficult for straight people to read, but for a copy of an invoice, that most likely will never be looked at again anyway, that's good enough. Sorry about my rambling. So, while the printer works just fine, wehen my desk got moved closer to it last week, I noticed that every now and then it's lights come on, it makes mysterious whirring sounds like it was preparing to print, but then shuts down again. Is that a virus in it? Annette Dear Annette That is nothing to worry about at all. When not used for a day, it simply wakes up to do a self test and stirs up the toner powder, so that it doesn't clump or cake onto the walls of the toner cartridges. It is actually supposed to do that. As long as it does that self test and powder stirring at least once every second unused day, it is fine and ready to print, even after not being used for a year or two. Have FUN! DearWebby
A patient had broken his leg and it was going to have to be set. To get him ready for this painful event, he was heavily sedated. While in this "state", he spoke rather freely with the hospital staff and with his wife. She apparently learned several things about her husband. When it was time to reverse the medication, the wife said "Wait! not yet. I have some more questions I want to ask".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rags Instead of Paper Towels Keep a rag on your paper towel rack and quit buying paper towels altogether! Use newspaper for washing windows. Use cheap paper napkins for food as needed. You'll be surprised at how often you'll grab that rag to wipe up a spill and you are saving lots of money. Have a bunch on hand and just wash up a load every once in a while. By Laura from Mason, OH As I am slowly learning to "act my age", well not trying too hard, I am wrecking my jeans not nearly as often as I used to. However, the legs of old jeans make excellent rags. They are very absorbent, and take a long time to dry. Whenever you need a moist rag, they are unbeatable. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A lonely wife brought a man she had just met at a bar home to her bedroom one evening when she thought her husband was out of town. They immediately tore each other's clothes off and started going at it. She sat up quickly in bed as she heard the key in the lock. "Quick!" she said to the man, "it's my husband! You've got to get out of here quick!" "Where's the back door?" the man asked as he grabbed his clothes. "There isn't one," she replied. "Where would you like one?" he asked.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was going home early because she didn't feel well. Since Stan was just getting over something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't something he had given her. A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has morning sickness."

» Pet Therapy
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What do I need to view PPSX files? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, March 4, 2010

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. --- Oscar Wilde
A 3-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "How did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."
An English soldier, an American solider and a Russian soldier found themselves sharing a table in a Bosnian restaurant, and the conver sation turned towards how well fed each of them was. "In the Russian army we have 2000 calories of food a day" said the Russian. "Well", said the Englishman, "In the British army we are given 4000 calories of food a day." "That's nothing", said the American, "in the US army we have 8000 calories of food a day". At this the Russian got very annoyed. "Nonsense", he said, "how could one man eat that much cabbage!!!."
Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this picture: and 9 months later, there was an AirBus
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 42-year-old drunk in Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin Drunk driver caught out by footprints in snow A US man who claimed his car had been stolen after he crashed it into a snow drift was arrested after police followed his footsteps back to the bar where he'd been drinking. The 42-year-old, of Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin, now faces up to three years in jail and a $10,000 fine is he is convicted with that police said was his fifth drink driving charge. He rang police at 2.30am to say his car had been stolen from the town's Tapper's Bar where he had been drinking, reports the Sheboygan Press. Police quickly discovered the car crashed into a snow bank about half a mile away from the bar - and then found footprints in the snow matching the man's boots leading back to the bar. When questioned by police, the man, who later failed a field sobriety test, admitted that he had been driving the vehicle and lost control of it before crashing into the snow bank.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Clyde Re: PPSX files Dear Webby, Love your letters, especially the picture and tech sections. I just got a .ppsx file which would not open with my older version of Microsoft Power Point Viewer or with Open Office. Is this a new format which requires a new viewer? Clyde Dear Clyde Yes, it is a new type. Instead of using standard formats that everybody can use, like Open Office does, Microsoft keeps coming up with new and different formats that require yet another different type of viewer. I don't play that stupid game and just tell the sender to use a standard format. Usually it's just time wasting crap anyway. We got to stand up for ourselves, otherwise every silly dingbat will come out with yet another new and incompatible format. If you really think it is worth wasting time on, you can go to my Tool Box and download the current PowerPoint Viewer. According to Microsoft, it should open PPSX files. Have FUN! DearWebby
MacTavish's little boy was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. "If you had five pounds," said the teacher, "and I asked you for the loan of three pounds, how many would you have left?" "Five," said young MacTavish firmly. "Five?" the teacher said "How do you make it five?" "Well," replied young MacTavish "You can ask for a loan of three pounds, but that doesn't mean you will get it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Packing Paper for Crafts Now that many places are using recycled or green packing materials, we get lot of brown scrunched paper in the boxes when we order items online. If you smooth out that paper, it's often 4-6 feet long and 2-3 feet wide - absolutely perfect for kids to use to color, trace their bodies, draw pirate maps, or do various other fun crafty things with. You can also ask newspapers for their discarded end rolls of newsprint. By Emily from RI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?" "The glaciers brought them down," said the guide. "But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked. "The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice, "have gone back for more rocks."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Two friends, one an optimist and the other a pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his continual pessimistic thinking. The optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water. His plan? Take the pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the optimist brought down a duck. The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat. The optimist looked at his pessimistic friend and said, "What do you think about that?" The pessimist replied, "That dog can't swim, can he?" Luckily the pessimist was wearing a life jacket, when he got tossed into the icy water and had to swim all the way back to shore..

» Best Photos of 2009
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Microsoft advises not to hit F1 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad. --- Diogenes the Cynic Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. --- Albert Einstein, (attributed) If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. --- Bob Hope
Thanks to Dave for this story: (Dave used to be the wholesaler, that I bought computer components from, when I was still building computers in the early and mid 90's.) Old guys...yep that's us...... I was in Canadian Tire store the other day, pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart. I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate. I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?" The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?" I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours." Most old guys are helpful like that.
A truck driver who had been delivering radioactive waste for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He decided to seek compensation for his ailment. Upon his arrival at the workers' compensation department, he is interviewed by an assessor. Assessor: I see you work with radio-active materials and wish to claim compensation. Trucker: Yeah, I feel really sick. Assessor: Alright then, Does your employer take measures to protect you from radiation poisoning? Trucker: Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job. Assessor: And what about the cabin in which you drive? Trucker: Oh yeah. That's lead lined, all lead lined. Assessor: What about the waste itself? Where is that kept? Trucker: Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead. Assessor: Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept in a lead container. Trucker: Yeah, that's right. All lead. Assessor: Then I can't see how you could claim against him for radiation poisoning. Trucker: I'm not. I claiming for lead poisoning.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a drunk in Bremerton, Washington Stopped for Speeding, DUI Suspect Backs into Cop's Car By Kitsap Sun staff Published Monday, March 1, 2010 A 29-year-old Bremerton man backed into the cruiser of the police officer who pulled him over early Sunday, according to Bremerton police reports. He was arrested for DUI. The man was pulled over near the corner of Sheridan Road and Spruce Avenue shortly after 2 a.m. after the officer said he clocked the man 38 mph in a 25 mph zone. Just as both cars were stopped on the side of the road, the man’s car began rolling backward, hitting the cop car at about 5 mph, reports said. When the cop asked the driver why he’d backed into the cruiser, police said the man replied, “What?” No damage was reported to either car. The man’s passenger said he told the 29-year-old he wasn’t in park when they stopped, but he didn’t listen. The driver said he’d had “a few” drinks, and a breathylizer said his blood-alcohol level was .10, above the .08 legal limit. He was taken to the Kitsap County jail for DUI. Considering that less than a month ago cops shot and hit a guy in the same county when he assaulted them with his car, that is a dumb place to pull a stunt like that! That article is here: http://snipurl.com/ulwhk [www_kitsapsun_com]
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Microsoft advises not to hit F1 Dear Webby, Microoft admitted another security hole and advises not to hit F1, since that could unleash all kinds of trouble. http://www.switched.com/2010/03/02/micr ... t-press-f1 Better warn the subscribers! Dianne Dear Dianne Thanks for the heads-up! What they are not really making very clear is that only when a web site or a program tells you to hit F1, is it a problem. If nothing and nobody tells you to hit F1, then it is OK to hit it. If you are concerned that a family member might fall for a request to hit F1, then you have two choices: 1) You can assume administrator role and paste this at the command prompt: echo Y | cacls "%windir%\winhlp32.exe" /E /P everyone:N or 2) You can pry off the F1 key with a spoon, and epoxy it onto their alarm clock. Hmmmm, I wonder if my CAPS LOCK key is still glued to the coin operated copier at Walmart? Have FUN! DearWebby
Nancys nephew was 4 when she was pregnant with her first kid. She allowed him to place his hand on her belly and feel the baby kick.His little face scrunched and said, "How does the baby get out of there?" She wanted to keep it simple so she said, "The doctor will help." His eyes widened in amazement as he exclaimed, "You've got a DOCTOR in there, too?!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wash New Clothes With Similar Colors When you purchase new clothes in dark or bright colors, take advantage of the dye bleeding in the wash by adding faded clothes of the same color. The faded clothes will become brighter! By Tammy from Udall, Kansas Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Bill said the power went out recently. His wife, Kathy heard a plane flying low overhead. She noticed the plane's landing lights were on and said, "Must not be a widespread power outage -- the plane's lights are on." She was lucky she was not downtown. I heard that during the latest power failure in Los Angeles thousands of people were trapped for hours on store escalators.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him. The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth. Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening he replies: "I cannot see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotations and we'll choose a contractor to fix the silly wall."

» Animal Tracks
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What is a PPS? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, March 2, 2010

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld Never answer a critic, unless he's right. --- Bernard M. Baruch
In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e."
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check and cashed it in the store, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."
Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to one of Bridgeton, NJ's town drunks Drunk calls 911 from the back of police car BRIDGETON — State police said an intoxicated man being driven to his southern New Jersey home by troopers called 911 and claimed they were kidnapping him. The incident began after the Bridgeton man - whose name was not disclosed - was taken to the state police barracks in that Cumberland County community. Law enforcement officers had found him while investigating a disorderly persons call in Bridgeton and decided to transport him home, putting him in the cruiser's back seat. After making the fake 911 call, he continued to be disorderly despite repeated warnings. When the troopers pulled over and tried to arrest him, he resisted but was eventually restrained and taken back to the barracks. He was charged with disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and obstruction.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nita Re: What's a PPS ? Dear Webby, Please explain to me what you meant about Joan's picture. What is a PPS? Thanks for the "Good old days" picture. Nita Dear Nita a PPS is a Power Point Show, a slide show. Usually, they are quite huge and would take way too long to download with your dial-up. Out of consideration for that, people won't normally send them to you. If you ever decide to get High Speed, people will send 2-3 a day to you, and you will probably pass them on to others just as frequently.. I looked for a tiny one and attached it. It is called The_Window.pps (For the rest of you, I uploaded it: The Window ) You may need to download the PowerPoint Viewer from my Tool Box to view PPS files. Have FUN! DearWebby
A rather boring joke I heard today reminded me of a fun incicent. Many years ago when I was taking a required course in the process of becoming an electrician, we also had to take some basics physics. Personally, I always loved physics, probably because deep down inside I am still a kid that is fascinated by anything that makes noise or moves. Most of the people in the class hated physics, and one guy in particular did a lot of complaining about it and asking why it was necessary. Finally the instructor had enough and he told him that physics was required to save his live. Naturally the guy fell for that straight line and asked how physics would save his live. "It saves lives", the instructor thundered at him, "because it keeps you from finishing the course, and because if you passed my class and then later burned down a house with your lack of knowledge, I'd have to go and shoot you." That guy quit the course right there
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cola as a Cheap Steak Marinade My husband is a retired butcher and I am certified in Culinary Arts. Marinades are expensive. Try soaking your beef steak or roast in Cola or Dr. Thunder from Walmart. Cover for 24 hrs. Then season and cook. Unbelievably tender! By Jeanne from Elysian Fields, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Californians are a strange people. They'll put every chemical known to man up their nostrils, and get so warped from snorting, that they tell you it's bad for you if you put sugar in your coffee!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters In Washington, DC for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered that when you press it, it plays 'Jingle Bells.'"

» Monopoly WWII Version
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Transferring files from an old computer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, March 1, 2010

The word 'meaningful' when used today is nearly always meaningless. --- Paul Johnson
Thanks to Sandie for this Classic: At the Sunday morning church service, the minister asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle crash and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was terrible and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from all the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every movement caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a very delicate operation, which lasted for over five hours, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery that was performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, after six weeks, Tom is now out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with relief. The minister rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell you that my wife meant to use the word sternum."
After the last child moved out of the house, Mom and Dad announce that they're getting a divorce. The kids are totally distraught and pay for a session with the world's most famous marriage counselor as a last effort at keeping their parents together. The counselor works for hours, tries all of his methods, but the couple still won't even talk to each other. Finally he goes over to a closet, brings out a beautiful violin and begins to play. After a minute, the couple start talking. The therapist keeps soloing on the violin and the couple discover that they're not actually that far apart and decide to give their marriage another try. The kids are amazed and ask the doctor how he managed to do it. He replies, "Well, I've never yet seen a couple that wouldn't talk through a violin solo."
Thanks to Joan for sending this picture: No, that is not Joan on the picture. She clipped it from a PPS.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a couple in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Thieves take jewelry, leave child at Philadelphia store A couple of thieves made off with expensive jewelry during a heist on South Street yesterday afternoon, but had a loss police said was priceless. As the duo fled, they left a 4-year-old boy behind, said Sgt. Ray Evers, a Philadelphia police spokesman. The three entered Platinum & Ice Jewelry in the 600 block of South Street about 3:30 p.m. and the man and woman asked to see rings, police said. When the clerk turned his back for a moment, the couple grabbed thousands of dollars worth of jewelry and dashed out the door. The clerk gave chase and the male robber slashed him in the face and neck with a knife. The boy was left behind. Police put the boy in the custody of the Department of Human Services. Boy left behind in robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mary Re: Copying files from old computer Dear Dr.Webby, I wrote to you a while ago & I didn't get an answer. How can I get my personal pictures off of my old computer & onto my new one. I truly love your newsletter & you sure have helped in the past. Thank you so very much. Mary Dear Mary I remember answering you. Possibly your AOL blocked my reply. If your computers are not networked, and if you don't have a CD burner on the old one, then your best bet is to take the hard drive out of the old one, buy a USB Removeable Hard Drive Case for it for $10 - $15 and stick the old drive into it. When you plug the USB drive into any USB port on the new computer, the old drive shows up as a second drive. If there is a little jumper on the back of the old drive, usually by the plug-in sockets and a label telling you in which position the jumper has to be for the drive to be a "Slave" instead of a "Master", then move it to the "Slave" position. If you don't see that jumper and label, don't worry about it. Some sense that automatically. When you plug it into the USB port, it will show up as a second hard drive, and you can drag stuff from it to your C: drive as easily as dragging stuff from one folder to another. Just open two file explorer windows side by side. Browse one to the C: drive, and the other to the removable drive. That makes dragging the files a breeze. Have FUN! DearWebby
Marcy called to make flight reservations: "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York." The travel agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, of course I am sure! What flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "Do you by any chance mean Buffalo ?" "That's close enough! I knew it was a big animal!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an Indoor Clothes Line I live in Tennessee where TVA, our electric supplier, has raised our electric bills 30% in one month. I have started really trying to be more frugal. I purchased a indoor clothes line and strung it up in my basement. I bought it off eBay for $25.00, and it will hold 2 loads of laundry. It usually dries in less than one day. With a family of five, I do at least 1 load per day, I know this will help with my electric bill. Not everyone has a basement, so why not use one in a room in your home where you don't actually live, like a spare bedroom. You could put the clothes line in the closet and retract the line when not in use. My retractable line is the diameter of a paper plate and maybe 5 inches wide. In one week I was able to hang 7 loads of laundry on my line. Some loads were jeans which would have required more than one run on the dryer. I never waited more than 14-16 hours of dry time. Also, I forgot to add, my basement isn't heated or cooled. Hope this helps someone. By Karen M. from Greeneville, TN Excellent idea! I use a clothesline too, from my covered deck to the garage, with a large pulley on each side. I can stand nice and dry on the deck, hang the clothes and scoot the line out into the rain for an extra soft rinse. Clothes last a lot longer too, if you don't use a dryer to rip the lint out of them. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Ellie for this one: My father, in the hospital after surgery to repair a hip replacement, needed assistance to get on and off the toilet and the bedpan. 89 years old, he was also extremely modest and had a tough time dealing with the matter-of-fact ways nursing personnel dealt with bodily functions. One time two aides put him on the bedpan and stood by the bed waiting for him to finish. He looked at them and said. "It'll cost you a quarter to watch." Another time an aide put him on the toilet and left. When she came back about 5 minutes later, she asked if he was done yet. He looked at her in all seriousness and asked, "Why, do you need to use it?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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Bo was telling the little ones of how it was when he was a young boy in Brooklyn, in Manhattan's immigrant ghetto. "When I was a kid," he said, "we didn't even have a radio. So our dad bored a hole through the wall into the living room of the Irish couple in the next apartment, to hear all the great boxing fights. That's when we discovered that they didn't have a radio either, and the fights we heard through the wall were live."

» Olympic Village
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Auto-responders 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, February 28, 2010

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. --- Johnny Carson There is nothing more demoralizing than a small but adequate income. --- Edmund Wilson
Thanks to Connie for this one: If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers you or your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. Your husband expects you to growl when you wake up. He expects you to have hairy legs and excess body fat. I wish I was a bear.
On my first day of school my parents told me to go to the nursery. There I was...surrounded by trees and bushes, having a great time. It's too bad they got more specific about which nursery, when there was no semester report card.
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a man in Fort Worth, Texas Man "got to jail tired" HOUSTON -- A man was arrested Monday after a wild police chase in North Texas. Police said it started in Fort Worth where an officer tried to make a routine traffic stop, but the driver took off instead. During the chase the suspect drove through grass and rear-ended another vehicle, but kept on driving all the way through the nearby town of Granbury, police said. He eventually jumped out of his moving vehicle, and then jumped over a nearby guard rail, then took off running before finally falling down. On the movie it looks like he stepped into a gopher hole and twisted his ankle. That’s when a whole bunch of officers jumped on him and arrested the man. Investigators say the man ran because he was wanted for violating parole on a burglary charge. He now faces a whole bunch more charges, including evading arrest. Movie of the chase and arrest is at http://snipurl.com/uk4ri
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Char Re: Auto-responders Dear Webby; Didn't you on a few occasions mention that auto-responders are a dumb idea? I mean the useless kind, that just tell you that somebody is out of the office, when you send them stuff they had requested. I am taking a business related weekend course, and the instructor told us to use an auto-responder like that, to show we are efficient. I think she is NUTS! You settle that! Thanks Char Dear Char Yes, you are right. I have mentioned auto-responders many times. It doesn't make you look efficient. It makes you look like a whiney nuisance. I also wrote about them on No Sub ? Just scroll down to the Auto-responders topic. In a brief summary, unsolicited Auto-Snivel about not being at work is automatic SPAM! In many cases, that causes your email address to be blacklisted, and ALL future mail from you is dumped into the trash, unseen. Don't be a nuisance, annoying your clients and friends with Auto-Snivel. Simply answer the mail when you get back to work. Have FUN! DearWebby
According to George, home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Helping Others Run Errands I live very close to my mother in law, and we also have a couple of elders that live close to us. So we have a day for each person to do the running around for the whole group. Like going to the store, pharmacy, and to pay bills. I am sure that some people already do this, but maybe some of the younger people have not heard of this. Plus it gives us a chance to catch up on friendships, and look in on the elders. By Connie from Colt, AK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Woman cleaning fish at sink to angler husband: "Why can't you be like other men? They just get drunk and never catch any stupid, slimy fish!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A woman went to the Governor of Alabama about getting an early release for her husband who was serving time in a state penitentiary. " What's is in for ?", asked the Governor. " For stealing a ham." " That doesn't sound too bad. Is he a good worker?" " No, I couldn't say that. He's very lazy." " Oh...well, he's good to you and the children, isn't he ?" " No, he is not. He's very mean to us, if you want to know the truth." " Why would you want a man like that out of prison?" " Well, Governor, we've been out of ham for quite a spell."

» Fur and Feathers
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Weird symbols in emails and in online articles 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, February 27, 2010

People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. --- Soren Kierkegaard The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you. --- Nancy Astor
Sign at the church: Parking is for Church patrons only. Violators will be baptized.
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Allen Milton Hardman, 40, in Solona, Florida Man accused of growing pot in mom's closet Allen Milton Hardman, 40, was taken to the Charlotte County Jail on possession of marijuana charges. Acting on a tip, deputies found 42 marijuana plants in Hardman's mother's home at 2422 Dixie Avenue, Unit 1, in Solona. Hardman's mother told deputies he started growing the plants about three weeks ago, according to a Charlotte County Sheriff's Office report. She also said she saw him install additional lights and aluminum foil in the closet. Deputies say Hardman had been staying with his mother since he was released from prison in August 2009. Authorities additionally found marijuana seeds while searching the home, the report said. Hardman was charged with Cultivation of Marijuana, Possesion of Marijuana over 20 grams, and Possession of Drug Paraphernalia. He remained in jail without bond Thursday.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Andrew Re: Weird characters in mail and articles Dear Webby; Lately I see more and more weird and wacky characters in mail and on-line articles, especially since my grand-daughter subscribed to some left-wing do-gooder outfit. Is that due to declining education and some states considering 40% a passing grade, and only grade attendance, or is it some kind of secret left-wing code, that they use like a secret handshake to identify themselves to each other? Andrew Dear Andrew Relax! It is not a left-wing conspiracy. It is simply a sign that the gene pool needs more chlorine. It has been proven that people with an IQ lower than turnips rarely, if ever, proofread their blather or check how the output appears to readers. They just blurt. If those people use Microsoft Word to do their writing, as it is by default, then it uses "curly" (faggy) quotes instead of straight quotes, and various other thilly things. Now, if those people send from Microsoft Word straight to Microsoft Outlook or any standard email program, or upload it to the web, all the thilly stuff turns into question marks, TradeMark symbols and all the inappropriate stuff, that you referred to. They could, of course, easily turn off that "feature", but apparently can't be bothered. Microsoft Word is the only program with that "feature". That problem is nothing new. It goes back to before the Internet, to the Great Word Processor Wars, when Word Perfect and Microsoft Word were battling about who could add more features and gimmicks, and the computer magazine writers egged them on to get sillier and sillier. Here is a bit of Trivia about those days: While you were on hold, waiting for support, Word Perfect had a LIVE DJ playing pretty hot tunes instead of elevator music, and updating expected wait times like they were sports scores. And you could cruise their "Campus" with a Dungeons-and-Dragons style virtual tour, look into rooms and browse their quite impressive campus art gallery. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two soldiers are late returning from their leave, and now they're standing before their sergeant: "How could you be late for two whole hours? What if a war broke out?" "Well, Sergeant, we went to the opera and we just got carried away with the performance." "Opera?!" the sergeant exclaims. "I know you turkeys got good and drunk, but I doubt you got drunk enough on YOUR salary to wind up in the opera!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Blank Sides of Paper for Printing If you use a lot of paper printing information from the internet, you can save on paper by using the blank side of handouts from work and school. By Tammy from Udall, KS We use ClickBook now for about a dozen or more years. When I want to turn an e-book into a paperback for easy reading on an airplane, or if I just want to save paper on a long contract, or if I need a special format like Tri-Fold brochures, I select "Clickbook" as the printer. In there I select one of nearly 200 pre-defined formats, and let it rip. When it has finished printing one side, a screen pops up telling me to drop the printed stuff from the output tray straight down, without flipping or turning, into the Input tray and hit OK. Then it prints the back sides. When done, I shoot some staples and fold the whole stack. Done. All pages are perfectly lined up. If you select Paperback, it puts a 100 page ebook onto 25 sheets of paper. That cuts your paper and toner / ink expenses to a quarter! You can even print refils for Daytimers, Franklin Day-Planners, or any other planner with proprietary format and expensive refills. The paper makers will hate me for telling you this, but if you print, get ClickBook By the way, it is cheaper now than it was in 97, when I bought mine, but I am sure glad I didn not wait with buying it! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

How many members of your sign does it take to change a light bulb? ARIES: Just one. You want to make something of it? TAURUS: One, but just try to convince them that the burned- out bulb is useless and should be thrown away. GEMINI: Two, but the job never gets done -- they just keep discussing who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done! CANCER: Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grieving process. LEO: Leos don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out. VIRGO: Approximately 1.000000 with an error of +/- one millionth. LIBRA: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that okay with you? SCORPIO: That information is strictly secret and shared only with the Enlightened Ones in the Star Chamber of the Ancient Hierarchical Order. SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb? CAPRICORN: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes. AQUARIUS: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy, so.... PISCES: Light bulb? What light bulb?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Two guys sat down for lunch in the office cafeteria. "Hey, whatever happened to Pete in payroll?" one asked. "He got this hare brained notion he was going to build a new kind of car," his coworker replied. "How was he going to do it?" "He took an engine from a Pontiac, tires from a Chevy, seats from a Lincoln, hubcaps from a Caddy and well, you get the idea." "So what did he end up with?" "1 1/2 years in jail and 100 hours of community work."

» Abstract Art
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Can I use Open Office instead of Works? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, February 26, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Fortune can, for her pleasure, fools advance, And toss them on the wheels of Chance. --- Juvenal We are the people our parents warned us about. --- Jimmy Buffett
An American stood in London looking at a large building. A British boy walked by and stood beside the American. "You know," said the American, "in the States we have that kind of building too, but they are four times higher." "Really?" replied the boy. "How sad. That is a mental hospital."
After Sunday service a young couple talked to the pastor about joining the church. He hadn't met the husband before, so he asked what church he was transferring from. The husband looked down at his feet and replied, "I am transferring from the Municipal Golf Course."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this pictrue:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stefanie Vargas, 19, and a 13 year old boy in Daytona Beach, Florida Thieves overheard on 911 DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. (AP) - Police say two Florida teenagers are facing charges after 911 dispatchers heard them talking about breaking into cars when one teen's cell phone accidentally called 911 during a heist. Daytona Beach police say 19-year-old Stefanie Vargas and a 13-year-old boy are charged with burglary to a conveyance. Police spokesman Jimmie Flynt says dispatchers listened as the pair discussed what was worth taking while rummaging though a vehicle parked near a Daytona Beach nightclub early Sunday. Officers went to the area and spotted the boy inside a vehicle. A police report says the pair tried to flee in a sport utility vehicle driven by Vargas. The report says both admitted to the robbery. It's unclear how the number got dialed.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Can I use Open Office instead of Works? Dear Webby; I love your letter & the pics you send. Your tech dept has bee a source of great help at time also. Thanks so much. I had to have my pc reformatted just yesterday. Some of my files were saved. But I tried to reinstall my Microsoft Works Suite. Now I cannot bring up a blank word document. You have talked about an "Open Office" program I think. Does that have a similar blank word document? I do a weekly mission prayer list & usually save it & make necessary changes each week. That way I don't have to start over. can you help me? I would appreciate it. Thanks, Sharon Dear Sharon Open Office from http://www.openoffice.org/ definitely has word processing, spreadsheets, and a whole bunch of other stuff included. Basically, it's the same as the $550 Microsoft Office plus a few extras. You can even take a PPS apart, change the smart-ass captions and overlays into suitably motivational ones, or if they are too sappy, tone them down a bit. Industry and Commerce love it, all the way to the bank and home again! Wouldn't you, if you saved $550 each on ten thousand computers? The Governments of most countries, except the US have already switched to Open Office, including their state, county and town offices. So, by all means download and install it. If you are on slow dial-up, ask a neighbor, who has high speed, to download it and burn it onto a CD for you. It IS rather big, after all, it is the equivalent of the big Microsoft Office plus some extras. In Open Office, select Writer, New and start. Set your margins, fonts, headers, footers, etc. and start writing. Save it, print it, send it, whatever. Next time select Writer, Open, choose the file you want to open, and edit it. You'll be used to it in no time flat. It also has a full featured spreadsheet included with the capability to make all kinds of neat scientific looking graphs, do a budget, payroll, the works. Have FUN! DearWebby
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Be Wary of Snakes in Mulch Do not grab handfuls of mulch. Dump it out on the ground and rake through it. They have found snakes (copper heads) and other critters in the mulch still alive. By Kelly from Lexington, KY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Jill wanted to convince Susan, a continually harried friend, that she needed to find ways to relax. She invited her to dinner and, while she was busy cooking, Susan agreed to watch her videotape on stress management and relaxation techniques. Fifteen minutes later, she came into the kitchen and handed Jill the tape. "It was good," she said, "but I don't need it." "But it's a 70-minute video," Jill replied. "You couldn't have watched the whole thing." "Yes, I did," Susan assured her. "I put it on fast-forward."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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One day this old lady walks into the doctors office and is shown into a room. When the doctor comes in and asks what the problem is she answers, "I have awful gas, but it doesn't bother me. You see, it's completely silent, and doesn't smell at all." So the doctor, after examining her thoroughly gives her some pills and tells her to take one everyday and come back in a week. So the old lady comes back, and when the doctor asks if her problem is any better she replies, "Well I don't know what you gave me but now my gas smells terribly!" The doctor replies "Well now that we've got your sinuses cleared up, let's work on your hearing!"'

» Horny Toads
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IE&, IE8, SP3 Blockers 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, February 25, 2010


All you have to do is know where you're going. The answers will come to you of their own accord. --- Earl Nightingale Half of the modern drugs could well be thrown out of the window, except that the birds might eat them. --- Dr. Martin Henry Fischer
The pastor had launched into one of his "Best Ever"messages. He was about half done, at the 45-minute mark and just getting to the "good part," when a member of his congregation died. Rushing to his office, he dialed 911. When the ambulance arrived, the paramedics carried out 51 people before they finally got one who didn't wake up when they got him to fresh air.
A sergeant was passing the barracks after lights out, when he heard some voices from inside. He slammed open the door, and shouted: "Listen, you guys! A few minutes ago, you all heard me say good night. What you must realize, is that when I say "Good Night," what I really mean is "Shut the @#$%$@# up!!!" The room instantly fell silent. But after a few seconds, a voice bellowed out from somewhere in the far back of the dark room: "Good Night, Sergeant"
Re yesterdays "Missing Dollar Joke: Put it into a spreadsheet or on a piece of paper, in two columns, Credit and Debit It becomes clear instantly. In the joke they just used governmentese to mix up credits and debits.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Florida Tax department Sent in by Deeli What have fact got to do with it? We got records! PORT ORANGE, Fla., Feb. 10 (UPI) -- A Florida man says the state is trying to force him to pay child support for a child, who was born when he was 7 years old. Rusty Cole, a National Guardsman from Port Orange, Fla., said his tax return was held up by the state because officials told him he owes support payments for a child born in 1995 -- when he himself was 7 yers old, Central Florida News 13 reported Wednesday. Cole said weeks of phone calls and office visits failed to yield any results. "They were like, 'Oh, yes, we have it on here that you are the father,' and I was like, 'Ma'am, there's no way,'" Cole said to News 13. He said an e-mail message to Gov. Charlie Crist finally yielded him an apology from the department of revenue and the promise that his return would be processed. However, Cole said he will not consider the matter closed until the return is in his hands and he is ensured it will not be a problem again. "I want this completely off my record," Cole told the television station. "I don't want this ever affecting me later on in life."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ronald Re: IE 7, 8, SP3 blockers Dear Webby I have always done the express install for Windows updates, so I am guessing that SP3 is installed on my hard drive. To Eileen you recommended that she get IE7, IE8, and SP3 blockers from the tool box. Will the blockers remove these items from my computer, or must I first eliminate them, and then install the blockers. If this is the case how do I go about removing them? I have been getting your newsletter since I got my first computer, and hooked it up to the net. I look forward to starting my day with it. You are absolutely the best on the web! Thank you for such a fantastic newsletter. There are none like it out there. Ronald Dear Ronald The blockers only block installation. They don't remove anything already installed. Removal can be tricky and is not consistent from one machine to another. If your machine runs OK with SP3, then don't worry. SP3 works OK on about 60% of computers, though it does seem to slow them down a little bit. With the other 40% you lose the use of peripherals like printers or cameras, etc. Same problem as with Vista, where they expected printer and peripheral makers to write new drivers for devices that had been sold and paid for years ago. So, if you didn't lose any peripherals, don't lose any sleep over it. As for IE7 and IE8, they have security problems and are a bit klutzy. Entire Governments have forbidden their employees to use them on Government computers. The same goes for Industry and Commerce. FireFox is better anyway, and for those, who need to be a bit different, there is Opera. If you do a lot of text reading, you can use Apple Safari for that. It's not much of a browser for anything else, but their text rendering is superb. You can run Safari safely side by side with FireFox. Have FUN! DearWebby
Q: What's the difference between Biology and Sociology? A: When the baby looks like the father, its Biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, its Sociology!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Bathroom Mirror as a Reminder Board When I am in the bathroom each morning putting my makeup on and doing my hair, I am always thinking of things I need to do (Dr. appt., errands to run, calls to make, gifts to get, birthday reminders, the list goes on) or stuff I need to buy at the store. One day I had a dry erase marker in my bathroom drawer (why I even put it there in the first place is beyond me). I got it out and began writing my thoughts on the mirror. Wow. this was a life saver for me! When I'm done in the bathroom I transfer the list to paper and put it in my purse immediately. If it is something that needs to be done around the house I leave it on the mirror until it is done (or if company is coming over, I write it down elsewhere). I hope this works well for you too! By Donna from Northlake, TX (Roanoke) Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The floppy drive is the drive below the beverage holder where you put those silvery beer coasters that AOL keeps sending! Even I knows that! Billy-Jean
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so does my husband." He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one." "Please," he tried again, "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?" "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

» Merger Logos
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Mandrake and XP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, February 24, 2010


New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move. --- David Letterman It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember. --- Eugene McCarthy
While Kathy is at her friend's house it starts to rain very heavily. Her friend tells her to spend the night at her house and go home the next day. When she hears this, Kathy rushes out the door and comes back a while later totally drenched and carrying a small, soggy paper bag. So her friend asks "Where did you run off too?" "I went home to get my pajamas!"
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christine Pratt, 67, of London, England Above the Prime Minister Christine Pratt, 67, of London, England, founder of the National Bullying Helpline pretty well destroyed it, when she blabbed and betrayed caller's confidentiality, while attacking the Prime Minister. She feels that telling people to do as they are told, instead of allowing them to advance their own agenda contrary to the agenda of the Prime Minister, is bullying. Since unelected Pratt considers herself to be above the Prime Minister, she badmouthed the Prime Minister and publicly mentioned calls to the Bullying Helpline by members of his staff. The four patrons responsible for funding and running the Helpline of course promptly resigned.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chas Re: Mandriva Dear Webby, can I install Mandriva 2009.1 alongside XP and how does a silver surfer do it? After reading all your letters and tips You Are "The Man" Chas Dear Chas Yes, you can most definitely run Mandriva and XP on the same machine. It partitions the hard drive into a Linux and a Windows partition, and you select at boot-up which OS you want to run. If you want to be able to reach into the Windows partition and fix Windows problems, or retrieve files from there, that CAN be set up. However, that is a bit advanced and best done by a buddy from a local LUG (Linux User Group) or MUG (Mandrake User Group) They are quite helpful and all they expect for their work is that you in turn also help newbies, once you are comfortable with Linux. I use Linux on all of our servers, except some heavy UNIX machines, however, those are all single OS machines without a Windows partition. The beauty of Linux and UNIX is that I can have hundreds of domain owners (users) work on the servers at the same time, and the machines don't crash or need a reboot for 3-4 years at a time. Have FUN! DearWebby
Bob took his 4 year old son, Josh, out to McDonald's for dinner one evening for a "guy night". As they were eating hamburgers, Josh asked "Daddy, what are these little things on the hamburger buns?" He responded that they were tiny seeds and were ok to eat.He was quiet for a couple of minutes and obviously in deep thought. Finally, Josh looked up and said, "Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our backyard, we will have enough hamburgers to last forever."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Crafty Cheats to Mend Clothes To mend clothes, I use hot glue, iron on patches or hemming tape. This saves me time and money. By Kathleen from Dothan, AL Another crafty cheat is to use Dental Floss for pants buttons or anything, that had to be mended once before. After a wash it blends in quite nicely, and it will outlast the garment, packsack or laptop case. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support: "What does it say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy or a CD inside?" Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an intel inside. How do I get that one out? "
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A pharmacy major was taking a course in Dispensing. One day they were discussing the various labels affixed to prescription containers, such as, "Take with food," and "Take with water." At the end of class, the professor passed out a few sample labels. Days later he noticed that one member of the class had struck one of them onto his chemistry textbook. It read: "Caution: May cause extreme drowsiness."

» Arctic Ice
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Receiving and sending faxes from the computer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, February 23, 2010


We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us. --- George Eliot Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them. --- Antoine de Saint-Exupery Well done is better than well said. --- Benjamin Franklin
The new preacher, at this first service, had a pitcher of water and a glass on the pulpit. As he preached,he drank until the pitcher of water was completely gone. After the service, someone asked an old woman of the church, "How did you like the new pastor?" "Fine," she said, "but he's first windmill I ever saw that was run by water."
The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in picking lemons?" "Well... as a matter if fact, Yes !" she replied. "I've been divorced seven times."
Thanks to my Lillemor for this picture: Patiently waiting for supper
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to 3 teeage girls in Melbourne, Florida Train kills 3 teen girls hanging out on Florida bridge MELBOURNE, Fla. – Three teenage girls were joking around and taking pictures on a narrow bridge when they were hit by a train, killing them as a friend watched helplessly, police and a witness said Sunday. The girls and the fourth teenager, a boy, had been hanging out in Melbourne's downtown area — known for its shops and nightclubs, when they decided to cross the trestle around 6:30 p.m. Saturday, Lt. Curtis Barger said. Their parents had dropped them off at a mall, and then they took a bus downtown where they were "just goofing off," he said. The boy yelled for the girls to run when he saw the train approach, then told them to jump, Barger said. Crane Creek, about 20 feet below the bridge, is slow-moving and about 10 feet deep. The girls decided not to jump. Bruce Dumas, 53, said he was fishing in Crane Creek, about 20 feet under the bridge, when he saw the teens walk onto the trestle around sunset. He warned them to be careful, but he said he didn't pay much attention to them after that. "You know how kids are," Dumas said. "They probably wanted pictures of themselves on the track." The girls were about midway across when the train barreled down the tracks, blowing its whistle continuously, he said. Dumas said he could hear the sound of the brakes. After the impact, he heard a girl screaming and crying. The teens could have jumped onto an old, rusty trestle next to one they were on, though it was unclear why they didn't. Barger said all the teens were from the area, but their identities weren't likely to be released until Monday, after officials can compare dental records. On Sunday morning, there was little evidence of the tragedy. A concrete post says, "Private property, no trespassing." Another sign has fallen onto the ground and was covered in gravel, and a third was twisted and difficult to see. Graffiti with the words "more love," with the "o" in the shape of a heart was on the bridge. Andy Ziegler, a member of the Brevard County school board, said teens have painted graffiti on the bridge for the past three decades, but he had never before heard of accident there. John Vallee, 54, lives near the trestle and was watching TV when he heard a loud screech. He told the Florida Today newspaper he went outside and first thought he saw a blanket tangled under a rail car. Then he realized it was a person. "It's going to be hard for me to get to sleep," Vallee told Florida Today. "I can't get it out of my mind." Authorities in Melbourne, a city of about 77,000 nearly 50 miles southeast of Orlando, are investigating. Christine Davis, a spokeswoman for the Brevard Public Schools, said counseling will be offered to students and faculty if the teens are identified as students in the district. The track is owned by the Florida East Coast Railway, which operates about 350 miles of track along the state's east coast. Railway officials did not immediately return calls for comment. The train had slowed down enough already, so that the girls were not killed instantly and were heard screaming briefly after the impact. They had not been physically handicapped and would have had ample time to jump onto the old trestle or into the creek. Though suspected, there was no official announcement that they had been under the influence of something.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Francesca Re: Fax server Dear Webby, we need to switch to accepting faxes via computer to stop wasting paper on junk faxes.One company offered a fax server for $6500. Isn't that a bit excessive? We only need it to accept faxes, and maybe once or twice a month send out one fax to just one number. Francesca Dear Francesca In the early 90's I used to use a 386 with Windows 3.1 and Winfax for exactly that. ANY old klunker will be able to do that. With XP there is even a fax machine program included. There is an excellent article about how to set it up by Sharon Crawford from 2002, that probably has been used by Millions of people to set up their fax. It is at Faxing in XP There are also lots of free and nearly free fax programs on the net, that do the same with more colorful menus, and some are for fax broadcasting to a client list. Before the Internet, I used to send out the Humor Letter that way. With an XP, you can easily run the fax in the background and don't need a separate machine for it. The only time you do need a separate machine is when you use your computer as an answering machine and phone call manager on a number that is different than the fax number. The modem can only listen for calls or faxes on one number. If you have different numbers, get a yard sale klunker, format and re-install XP, put a word processor and a basic graphics program on it, and set up the fax. Have FUN! DearWebby
One morning, while shaving, a fellow started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen. "What's the matter?" she called out. "My razor -- it won't cut!" he answered. "Don't be silly, dear!" she declared. "You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Burned Soups I usually use my slow cooker to make big pots of stew, soups, sauces and vegetables because I can leave it and not worry about the bottom sticking. However, there are times when I'm cooking up a large amount that requires a larger pot for guests or so I have leftovers to freeze. Countless times, I have not been as watchful as I should have been, or I simply misjudged the effect of the heat on my stove. After once again scorching the bottom of a batch of soup, I decided to do something a bit different and it made a BIG difference. I used the same stockpot in which I had previously ruined the soup, but decided to put the larger steamer/pasta basket drainer in to keep the food from directly touching the bottom of the pot. I first browned the meat and then put it and the remaining ingredients in, turned it on low and solved the problem! It really works. Hope some of you can use this tip. By Sandy from Elon, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man dies and goes to heaven, and Saint Peter asks him what religion he belongs to. The man tells him, and Saint Peter says, "Oh, we have a lot of your kind here. In fact, we have a special room for all of you, so you can all be together." He leads the man down a long hallway with doors on either side. They pass one door and they hear a bunch of yelling and hollering inside. "Who's in that room?" the man asks. "Oh, those are the holy rollers," says Saint Peter. "They make a lot of noise but they're pretty harmless". They pass by another door which is nearly shaking off its hinges. "Who's in there?" the man asks. "That's the room for the Shakers," replies Saint Peter. Then they approach another door. Saint Peter whispers to the man, "We must be very quiet going past this door. Don't make a sound." They tiptoe past the door and when they get farther down the hallway the man asks Saint Peter who was in that room. "Oh, those are the Catholics. They think they're the only ones up here!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move. "No thank you." she said politely. "This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I'm keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love." "That must be rather difficult." the man replied. "Oh, I don't mind too much." she said. "But, it has my husband pretty upset."

» Dolphins Surfing
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Installing XP over Vista 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, February 22, 2010


Everything that's really worthwhile in life comes to us. --- Earl Nightingale I don't really trust a sane person. --- Lyle Alzado
At the mall a little girl climbed onto the Easter Bunny's lap, the computerized bunny asked the usual, "And what would you like for Easter?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "But, but, didn't you get my E-mail?"
HUNGARY - Two thirsty little chimp escaped from their cage after the lock had been removed by an unknown person. The chimps allegedly attacked a 60-year-old woman who tried to hinder their escape and later wrestled with a man who tried to grab them in Budapest. Fire officers were able to recapture Johnny by feeding him beers until he passed out. Zsiga was knocked out cold after running head on into a glass door. According to the chimps' trainer, Lajos Korosi, "They both have very sore heads and we are leaving them to take their bad tempers out on each other for a few days."
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Draft core of the Winter End Bonfire. To the left of the stack you see the "Witch of Winter", which is placed onto the pipe extending past the tree on top. That guy crouched in front of the witch is not fixing her virginity. He is checking the keg of gunpowder under her skirt. When the flames reach high enough to ignite the fuses under the skirt of the witch and she blows up with a mighty boom, that's the official and traditional end of winter. Once the witch is up, folks used to bring anything burnable from leftover firewood to old couches, and all that is carefully piled around the draft core to build a nice, fat cone that burns many hours, while the village parties around it. Beer, cider, brass band, the works. Nowadays, my dad told me, they just have the draft core alone, for a very quick fire, because people need to get back to their TVs, and burning garbage and a winter's left-over cardboard and stuff, would not be politically correct. There used to be quite a bit of rivalry between the villages as to who has the biggest bonfire and the loudest boom, and just as traditional are attempts to set other villages' bonfire off the night before Bonfire Sunday. Once, when I was about 10, the bonfire in our village got set off Saturday night. The village and some construction companies and sawmills chiped in, and we built the biggest ever bonfire in one day. Big picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dominik Podolsky, 22, of Munich, Germany. Stranded snowboarder burnt cash A snowboarder stranded in the Alps for six hours was rescued after attracting attention by setting fire to his money. Dominik Podolsky, 22, of Munich, was stuck after the ski lift was switched off at dusk in Hochzillertal, Austria, reports the BBC. As darkness fell and the temperature dropped to -18C, he began to burn paper handkerchiefs and the contents of his wallet with a cigarette lighter. He started with restaurant bills and business cards before he was finally spotted by ski lift cleaners as he burned the last of his euros. Mr Podolsky was taking the UP-ONLY lift down a mountain in Austria, instead of snowboarding down like everybody else, when he became trapped about 10m (33ft) above ground. He had forgotten his mobile phone and his shouts for help were not heard. "I thought about jumping down, but then I'd have probably broken both legs and would have frozen to death," Mr Podolsky told reporters. Snow there is currently about 3 feet deep. He used techniques learned through military service to fight off hypothermia, but his limbs began to go numb and he kept falling asleep. After treatment in a local hospital for hypothermia, he was able to take a train home that night. Mr Podolsky says he is considering suing the company that operates the lift. A spokesman said it was not meant for downward trips and Podolsky had apparently deliberately ignored signs warning against boarding the downward side. Normal people pay to ride the lift UP, and then ski, snowboard or walk down the mountain. Webcams on that mountain are here: Webcams
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helene Re: Installing XP over Vista How very much I look forward to your column with all its great hints, info, great pics along with some unbelievable stories. Cudos to you: you call it like it is! Currenly am using (ugh) Windows Vista....but I still have my XP version right by my side. Any suggestions for just installing XP directly over Vista? Am not computer efficient, so would like to be prepared for any snags before beginning such a huge, slightly scary, process. Have contacted you about this before, but have yet screwed enough courage up to actually try it. H Dear Helene Just back up your keepers (music, pictures, mail, etc) ont one of the other machines or CD or DVD or the web. Then stick the XP CD in and format and install XP. Immediately install McAfee or any other reliable anti-virus program. The first few unprotected minutes are the most dangerous! Then make sure you get the SP3 blocker and IE7 and IE8 blockers from the Tool Box before you do a general update. That is all there is to it. You may have to run the set-up disks for printers, mouse, etc., but that's no big deal. Have FUN! DearWebby
A rich woman was giving a garden party with many wealthy guests in attendance. While the party was going on, two gardeners were doing yard work on the rear lawn. While one of the guests was watching him, one of the gardeners suddenly jumped into the air and performed numerous graceful swirling dance movements. The guest remarked to his hostess, "That man is such a talented dancer, I'd pay him $100 to dance before all of the guests!" When the hostess asked the head gardener about making such an arrangement, he yelled, "Hey Fred! Do you think for $100 you could step on that rake once more?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar to Control Dust and Mold Allergens My son is 7 and has suffered from asthma and lung problems since birth. When we have been to the hospital before we came home, the doctors gave me a cleaning tip to control dust and mold allergens, (anything that could cause a flare up). Use plain white distilled vinegar and water, you can use this through the house and it gives you a clean smell. By Rhonda from Spring Hope, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A nun and a biker were standing in an elevator. Being the nice person that she was, she looked over at him, smiled and said: "T. G. I. M." The biker looked back at her and said: "S. H. I. T" The nun was shocked. She turned to the biker and said: "There was no reason to be rude, all I said was "Thank God It's Monday". The biker grinned at her and said: "Well you must have misunderstood me because all I said was, "Sorry Honey It's Tuesday"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A man's car stalled on a country road. When he got out to try to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow. Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met the farmer. He told the farmer his story. "Was it a large brown cow with a white spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer. "Yes!" "Oh, I wouldn't listen to Bessie," said the Farmer. "She only knows tractors and diesels but doesn't really have a clue about gasoline engines."

» Monochormatic Imagination
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Problems with Windows 7 on an old XP machine 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, February 21, 2010


The best way out is always through. --- Robert Frost Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage. --- Evan Esar
It was Palm Sunday and, because of strep throat, Sue's four-year-old son had to stay home from church with a baby-sitter. When the family returned home carrying palm branches, he asked what they were for. "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his mother explained. "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I didn't go, He showed up!"
"So, your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank Heaven he's in bed!"
Thanks to my dad for this picture: These bloomed today.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a hacker from Novorossiysk, Russia. Moscow porn hacker seized Police in Russia have arrested a hacker who caused gridlock by beaming a porn film on a giant billboard in central Moscow. An unemployed 40-year-old man from the Black Sea port of Novorossiysk has been detained for the offence, reports Kommersant daily. A special division of the Interior Ministry responsible for investigating IT crimes made the arrest, the newspaper reported. The 30ft by 20ft screen switched from screening ads to hardcore porn for 20 minutes on January 14, instantly bringing the city centre to a standstill. Drivers recorded the incident on their mobile phones and later uploaded it to YouTube where it became a massive hit. The man, whose name was not disclosed, reportedly admitted the crime but said he thought it would be shown on a screen in a shop in Moscow to a much smaller audience and would "entertain people". The man said he had hacked into a server of an organisation in Chechnya and changed the video in the playlist of the advertising agency from there. Thee man now faces up to two years in prison for unlawful access to computer information and unlawful distribution of pornography.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shonda Re: Windows 7 problems on XP machine I had a computer windows xp, that crashed on me, so I got a DELL WINDOWS 7 IGOT McAfee total protection 2010, but can't down load this Can you help me. Thank you Shonda Dear Shonda For anything related to Windows 7, you have to contact Microsoft Support. According to unconfirmed rumors, they just about got it figured out. Whoever talked you into putting Windows 7 onto an older XP machine, needs to be scalped. Your XP machine will never run satisfactorily with Windows 7 on it. It's like squeezing 20 fat politicians into one Corvette. Lots of noise, but very little progress. If you can't find the original XP CD of a DELL machine, you can usually buy it from DELL for around $25 plus shipping. My dad did that a couple of months ago. You can also buy a brand new XP Setup CD from http://tigerdirect.com for $89, and possibly even from Microsoft. Apparently they rather sell you an XP, than see you switch to Linux or Mac. Have FUN! DearWebby
A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where a man lives alone. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. The man comes out and finding the politicians, buries them. The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?" The man answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Go Through Coupons Before Entering the Store I always go through my coupons before I enter the grocery. I pick up those items first and then I can spend the rest of my time looking for the best price on the items I don't have coupons for. By Paula F. from Columbus, Ohio Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lillies. "Tch Tch!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players.

» Mark Twain
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Outlook Express and PowerPoint 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, February 20, 2010


The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him. --- Henry Stimson Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan
An Texan, a Scot and a Californian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the Texan, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the Texan, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Californian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew was back here." "That's amazing!" said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the Texan, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Californian was waiting for the government to pay his."
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. --- A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities. --- Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners. --- In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah. --- A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mr Park in Seoul, Korea Bogus mourner stole 1,200 pairs of shoes A second hand shoe shop owner stole more than 1,200 pairs of designer shoes by posing as a mourner in South Korea. His haul has been put on display by police in Seoul in the hope of reuniting as many as possible with their rightful owners, reports The Times. The 59-year-old thief, named only as Mr Park by police, had literally walked off with his booty from funeral homes and hospitals across the capital. His victims were the mourners who had slipped off their shoes out of respect, according to the national tradition. Park would take off his own footwear, pay his 'respects', then put on a more expensive pair and walk off. When police caught up with him after setting up a surveillance operation he led them to a warehouse stacked high with the expensive footwear that he used to boost his stock. Police had watched as he arrived, suitably dressed in black, at one funeral home in southern Seoul's Suseo district then removed his own cheap shoes - a custom observed by mourners visiting funeral homes in Asia. Then he made a brief appearance inside before leaving and slipping on a far more expensive pair. Police said they caught him stealing three pairs of shoes, altogether worth £1,120.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: D Re: Power Point and Outlook Express Hi, I'm not sure if I'm sending this to the right e-mail address or not, but please bear with me -- I only recently signed up for your newsletter and I don't know which address to use to direct a question to the Tech Support section of "Webby's Humor Letter." I don't have PowerPoint in my computer, never wanted it, but a couple of friends sometimes send me pps files. I received two just today. I downloaded a pps reader a year or so ago and it's in the Files listings as what's supposed to open any pps files, BUT it will not open any pps attachments in my e-mail program. I have to save the attachments, then move them to my Desktop and open them there. Is there any not too complicated or risky way to set it up so pps files can be opened in Outlook Express? I was going to e-mail you anyway to tell you how much I like your newsletters. In the 13 years we've had computers, I've tried many humor newsletters and yours is by far the best. Then today presented me with two new pps files and reminded me of a problem to present with my praise. Thank you. D. Dear D Hitting reply will get your letter to me just fine. PowerPoint and Outlook Express are both Microsoft products, and therefore won't talk to each other except through lawyers. That is also why, for example, items written in Microsoft Word and sent with Outlook Express, show weird characters. It also shows you instantly, which online news reporters passed their exams on their knees under somebody's desk. Just download Open Office. It's free. Open Office will open PPS and PPT files in editing mode. Hitting F5 will play the files. It is quite civilized. By the way, in editing mode you can save individual pictures without any fuss. Have FUN! DearWebby
One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked "What is the Gross National Product?". The little boy pondered for a minute and replied "Spinach ? Broccoli ?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Child's Wagon to Haul Laundry Outside Carrying laundry baskets has become a major problem for me as well as the bending and hanging laundry due to fibromyalgia and back problems. But running a dryer isn't economical. So, I load two round baskets instead of using one large basket with my laundry to make them lighter and carry them out the door and put them in a children's wagon. The wagon holds both baskets. I attached a bungee cord to the handle to keep it upright when I am not hanging on to it. I then pull the wagon to the clothes line and hang up my laundry. No bending and minimal carrying. By Jackie from Nunda, NY I use a foldable laundry cart like this, and put the laundry hamper on top of it for fast and easy access without bending down. The ones with big wheels cost around $20, and are no problem at all getting over a door sill or even a few steps. Just tie the laundry hamper to it with some coathanger wire. When not in use, it folds flat. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf has for men. Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and he told me I asked too many questions! Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask? Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions..like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel. One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes. When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others. Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?" ----------- Sure is different from when I was a young driver. In those days the old Pick-Ups that youngsters drove, all had a step on the outside of the pick-up box. Especially on Cannonball ralleys or the Alcan 2000 Mile races where we carried a couple of drums of fuel on the back, the spare driver used to climb outside and into the box, siphon gas from the drum into the tank, then climb back into the cab on the drivers side and take over as the driver slid over to the passenger side. That was no big deal then, however, with todays slower but much more crowded traffic I would not recommend stunts like that. Also, standing at the tailgate for getting rid of used coffee into the big dust cloud that you trail when driving a gravel road at 70 miles per hour, was OK then. Doing the same today on a paved freeway would probably get you arrested in most states.

» A Dilly
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Mystery Pop-Up pages 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, February 19, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them. --- E. V. Lucas If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. --- Alfred North Whitehead
Three churches - Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian - worked together to sponsor a community-wide revival. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!"
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom and dad have one," the other replied. "What's it for?" asked the first boy. "I don't know," the second boy answered. "But if grown-ups stand on it, don't go near them for ten minutes. That thing makes them mad."
Thanks to Donna for sending this picture: More Snow in Texas, near Dallas. No Gullible warming there either.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to and the Lindy Matsko and the Lower Merion School District (PA) Big Brother (and Sister) need to go to jail According to the filings in Blake J Robbins v Lower Merion School District (PA) et al, the laptops issued to high-school students in the well-heeled Philly suburb have webcams that can be covertly activated by the schools' administrators, who have used this facility to spy on students and even their families. The issue came to light when the Robbins's daughter was disciplined for "improper behavior in his home" and Ms Lindy Matsko, the Vice Principal used a photo taken by the webcam as evidence. The suit is a class action, brought on behalf of all students issued with these machines. The lawsuit can be viewed here, at this link. As you can probably imagine, the 1500 affected students and their parents are extremely upset.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Donny Re: Mystery Pop-Up pages Dear Webby, Since yesterday I have been getting website pages (pop-ups?) appearing out of nowhere. Any idea where they come from and how to stop them ? I have Vista and IE8 - haven't had any bad problems for over a year !! Thanks, Donny Dear Donny Sounds like you agreed to something or other and agreed to accept those ads in lieu of paying for whatever. Because it is an agreed form of payment, if some program tried stopping that, it would be the same as if they stopped payment of a check, and they can be sued. Because of that, there is not a lot of easy or automatic help for that kind of stuff. You can try Adaware, and even go onto their forum, once you have installed Adaware, but be very specific about the stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby
Six-year-old Angie and her 4-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two big guys in gangster suits standing by the door? They're hushers."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dishsoap Insect Spray I use soap to spray for insects in garden. Mix 1 tablespoon of liquid soap with water in a quart spray bottle from Dollar store. Spray once a week and after a rain. By Kathleen from Dothan, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" The teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and then some poor, innocent kid has to memorize all about it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The good bishop knew very well that not only did everyone in his small town look to him for an example, but that all too often, all eyes were on him as potential fodder for the local gossip mill, as well. This could be wearing; but usually, he was able to provide the good example and escape the tattlers. One night, however, after a long, hard day, a social obligation beckoned on top of his church responsibilities, and he came to a sudden stopping place. His hostess, noting that he looked tired, asked with concern, "A spot of tea, Bishop?" "No, thank you," he managed. "No tea." "Ah," she said. "Coffee, then?" "No coffee either, thank you." In the spirit of triage, she leaned closer and murmured, "I could bring you a scotch and soda in a dark mug?" "My dear, this is my last word: NO soda."

» Deserts and dunes
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Vista too slow and unstable 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, February 18, 2010


"A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them." --- P. J. O'Rourke You see, it's never the environment; it's never the events of our lives, but the meaning we attach to the events — how we interpret them — that shapes who we are today and who we'll become tomorrow." — Tony Robbins: You see, it's never the environment; it's never the events of our lives, but the meaning we attach to the events — how we interpret them — that shapes who we are today and who we'll become tomorrow. --- Tony Robbins:
A professor was one day walking along a very narrow hall when he came face to face with a rival. The passage way was too narrow for two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said with a sneer, "I never make way for fools!" Smiling, the gracious professor stepped aside and with a bow replied, "I always do."
Woman 1: Did you get a new haircut? Woman 2: Yes, I did. Thanks for noticing. W1: Oh! That's so cute! W2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure after my hairdresser gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking? W1: Oh no! No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. W2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. W1: Oh, that's funny! I would love to have your neck! W2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier. MEANWHILE.... Man 1: Got your ears lowered ? Man 2: Yeah, it's getting warmer outside. Man 1: Sure is. Guess it's time to tune up the lawn mower. Man 2: You get the beer, I'll bring the tools.
Thanks to Goldie for sending this picture: Snow in Texas
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kathy Franklin and Mickey Shalansky of Port St Lucie, Florida The Tantrum Girl Chronicles A Florida first grade student was briefly committed to a mental health institution after police were twice called to her school this week after she threw violent tantrums, which included the six-year-old striking the school's principal, who is eight months pregnant, in the stomach. According to the below St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office reports, officers were first summoned to Parkway Elementary School last Monday when Haley Franklin became out of control. During an hour-long tantrum--which was apparently triggered when the girl's teacher asked her to do something--the child kicked walls and threw items (a calculator, electric pencil sharpener, telephone, etc.) across the principal's office. The 37-pound offender, was briefly handcuffed as a sheriff's deputy sought to get her under control. The following day, when the child again caused a disruption, which included throwing things and striking the principal, a sheriff's deputy responded to the school and transported Haley to the New Horizons mental health facility. A Florida state law (known as the Baker Act) allows law enforcement personnel to involuntarily commit individuals. Along with threatening to punch a deputy, the girl called a school administrator "an old bat" and told the woman, "I am going to go home and make a kick me sign and put it on your back." While Haley's parents acknowledge that their child has a temper problem, they said she has no history of mental illness, and blasted school officials and sheriff's deputies for overreacting. The sheriff's report notes that, prior to last week's incidents, school officials repeatedly sought to discuss Haley's behavior with her mother and father. But the parents never showed up for the scheduled meetings. Additionally, both parents were arrested last year for failing to appear for a court-ordered truancy hearing about "their children not attending school on a normal basis." The complete police report at http://snipurl.com/haley1 shows that it is the parents, Kathy Franklin and Mickey Shalansky of Port St Lucie, Florida are the real problems and that society would greatly benefit if that pair was thrown in jail and clued in.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rusty Re: Continuous problems with Vista I currently run Vista and continually have trouble with it working, I run IE7 and it still locks up and is really slow, can you offer any help Thanks rusty Dear Rusty That seems to be normal for Vista. That is why I don't recommend it. You can still buy XP, format the machine and install XP on it. A lot of junk machines were sold cheaply with Microsoft subsidized Vista on them, just to boost the claimed numbers of Vista machines in use, and with total disregard for customer satisfaction. Yes, XP IS still available. To make you hate Microsoft less than your Government, and to hopefully make you forgive them for shoving Vista at you so forcefully, the price of XP was lowered. I just bought a couple for $89 each. If you need a good source for XP, hit reply and tell me. Don't feel too bad. After all, you didn't pay for Vista. It was included free, plus a generous price subsidy, to sell the machine, that you bought. An XP machine would have been $300 - $500 more expensive. Your only other alternative is to contact a local LUG (Linux User Group), find somebody there who is willing to be your coach, and install a free Linux OS. If the machine is for real work, not for goofing around, that is actually the best way to go. Have FUN! DearWebby
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "Really?" said the tourist. The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Glue and Fabric Paint Upside Down I store my fabric paint in a cardboard box from some pretzels. Keep the bottles stored upside down and they will be ready when you are. If they get clogged, use a paper clip to unclog the tube. Never waste a drop. I empty the last bit onto a plate and let me preschooler paint with a brush. She mixes her own colors and loves it! By Wendy from Coopersburg, PA The best place for storing glues and tube paints is in an old tackle box. Almost every yard sale has one available, but they are cheap enough even new. You can get fancy ones with swing-outs and drawers for under $10 brand new. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Bubba and Betty-Sue got married and were on their way to Disney World for their honeymoon. When they got within 20 miles, Bubba put his hand on Betty-Sue's knee. Betty-Sue told him: "Oh, darling, were are married now. You can go further." So, like the real red-neck he is, he put both hands on the steering wheel, stomped down the accelerator, and drove all the way to Miami.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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A student from Texas A&M, a student from The University of Texas, and a pig were in the hospital waiting room, each awaiting the birth of his firstborn. Suddenly, the lights went out. Fortunately, power was restored shortly thereafter and the head nurse made her way to the waiting room. "Good news and bad news, gentlemen and pig," she announced. "Despite the electrical outage, two healthy young boys and one healthy piglet have been delivered. "However, since the lights went out at the most inopportune time, we aren't sure which firstborn belongs to whom. The only way we know to resolve the problem is to draw straws and have the winner choose first." The three proud papas agreed, and the Longhorn won the drawing. He was escorted into the delivery room and looked at the three newborns for a painstakingly long time. Finally, with head bowed, he scooped up the piglet and headed for the door. "Sir, are you quite certain that you've made the right choice?" the nurse asked. "No, I'm not," replied the Longhorn. "But I just couldn't take the chance of choosing the Aggie."

» Experience the Planets
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When it is time to format and re-install 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, February 17, 2010


When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it. --- Bernard Bailey Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars. --- Hobart Brown A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar. --- Lao-Tzu
A generously endowed young lady at a major university often got teased by her sorority sisters for being so top-heavy. At a fraternity party, a young man asked her what she would like to drink. "Diet soda, please," she replied. "Oh, you must be the double D." he said. The girl was furious, wondering which of her so-called friends had divulged such personal information. "And just what do you mean by that?" she snapped. Surprised at her angry response, the young man meekly answered, "Oh, you know -- the Designated Driver."
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "No, I don't want THAT one back. I want the next one!"
Thanks to Kim for sending this picture: Cincinnatti
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kyle Sumrall, 26, of Reidsville, NC Thief plants syringes for diversion Henry County, VA -- Investigators in Henry County have connected Kyle Sumrall to a case involving a needle in a bag of M&M's Sumrall was charged on Monday with tampering with products at an Eden Walmart. Authorities there say he placed syringes in a tube of meat and a box of Q-tips to distract employees while he stole a vacuum. Henry County deputies say that Sumrall was the same individual that approached a clerk on Saturday at a Walgreens Drug Store on Greenboro Road. They say he showed the clerk a package of M&M's with a needle stuck through it. During an interview with detectives, Sumrall said he would take an item from a business and put a needle in it. He would take the item to a store employee to divert their attention. At the same time, he said an accomplice would steal other store merchandise. Sumrall is being held on felony charges in Rockingham County under a $500,000 bond. The district attorney in Henry County is reviewing the case to determine additional charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eileen Re: Time to format and re-install Hi Dear Webby. Sorry to be such a pest, but I asked you a few questions yesterday & you gave me good information on how to correct them. My problem is I can't come up with the pages you suggested. I'm wondering since the computer had to be completely restored, the person who did the back-up for me apparently missed some things. Would it be safe for me to install the original disk that came with the computer? I'm hoping to get everything back onto my computer that I'm now missing. Hope this makes sense to you. I'm trying to get help but so far have been unable to get someone. Many Thanks for all the help you have been to me. Eileen Dear Eileen Yes, personally I would 1) use the original XP Setup CD to format the machine and do a clean installation 2) Tell Windows to go fly a kite if it wants to update 3) install McAfee IMMEDIATELY 4) Get the IE7 and IE8 and SP3 blockers from the Tool Box 5) Get FireFox 6) Let Windows do an update, but in Custom mode, not Express, and make 100% sure that it does not slither SP3 in. Your machine most likely does not like SP3. After that, your machine will run as fast and smoothly as it did on the day you bought it. Have FUN! DearWebby
In the mid 60's a US Navy cruiser put in to port in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner: "Dear Captain, Thursday, will be my daughter Melinda's coming of age party. I would like you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation and dance with lovely young ladies. One last point: No Jews - We don't like Jews." Sure enough, at 8 PM on Thursday, the lady heard a rap at the door which she opened to find, in dress uniform, four exquisitely mannered, smiling BLACK officers. Her lower jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself together she stammered, "There must be some mistake." "Madam," said the first officer, "Captain Aaron Goldstein doesn't make mistakes."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cream of Chicken Soup to Thicken Broth When making chicken and noodles, I use a can of cream of chicken soup to the broth. I also use cream of chicken soup in my dressing, chicken and dumplings, anything using the chicken broth. It make it have body and thickening. I used this very often and my family and friends want to know what my secret is. By Pat from Harlem, GA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

From High School Exams: 1. Chemistry: Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. 2. Biology: The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u. 3. Sex Ed: To prevent contraception: wear a condominium. 4. First Aid: For drowning, climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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Al Capp, creator of the famous comic strip Lil Abner, was one day invited to a university to give a lecture to the students. Before he could begin speaking to the large group assembled in the auditorium, an unkempt-looking student at the back shouted a vulgar word at him. The word hung in the air as an uncomfortable silence lasted but a moment... Capp, keeping his cool, quipped, "Now that you've given us your name, what is your question?"

» Giants of the wild
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How to fix ActiveX problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, February 16, 2010


I never vote for anyone; I always vote against. --- W. C. Fields You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence. --- Charles Austin Beard
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town, which he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?" An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bed clothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel, and if your dog will vouch for you, then you're welcome to stay here, too!"
Marcy knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it you did, Marcy?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Five times a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, moved the little curtain in the confessional, took a good look at her, and said, "Marcy, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
Thanks to Lynn for sending this picture: Amish Couple during this weeks snow storm. St. Mary's County MD
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nicholas Pontillo, 24, of Lake Villa, Illinois Man stole ambulance - and patient A US man has been arrested - after he stole an ambulance with a patient and paramedics still inside it. Nicholas Pontillo, 24, of Lake Villa, Illinois, took the vehicle for a joyride while drunk, according to police. The ambulance had been parked outside the Tyrol Bason skiing and snowboarding area near Mount Horeb, Wisconsin, reports WKOW TV. Pontillo alledgedly slipped into the cab while paramedics were treating a teenage skiier with an injured knee in the back. However, he didn't get very far - the vehicle's emergency brake was on so he ended up driving it around the car park, before eventually being arrested by sheriff's deputies. Dane County emergency management specialist Carrie Meier said the theft attempt may have been thwarted because the paramedics had followed procedure. "They had the emergency brake on. That's one thing we always do for safety reasons," she said. Tyrol Basin general manager Don McKay added: "It is a big deal when someone takes control of an emergency vehicle." Pontillo has been charged with vehicle theft and may also face a charge of drunk driving.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eileen Re: Active X Dear Webby, You have helped me before in getting larger text, but now I have several more questions to ask you. #1 -I can't open attachments since my computer had to be completely restored. It comes up "install active x" to open. Then my computer says to avoid if possible. Is it safe to install this without doing any harm? #2- I keep getting messages to install explorer 8. Is it safe to do that? #3- Is there an easy way to have the volume icon on the bottom right side of the messages page? It was always there until I had to completely restore everything. Many thanks for any easy help you may be able to give me. Love your site & look forward to it every day. Thanks for making my day better. Eileen Dear Eileen Active X controls are helper objects for Internet Eplorer, similar to training wheels on a kid's bicycle. They can be abused by malware and many people frown upon them. FireFox does not need them. However, if you don't want to upgrade to FireFox, you can get the fixes at http://snipurl.com/fix-activex Re IE8: Considering the security problems with it, I can't recommend it. You can use the IE8 blocker from my tool box at http://webby.com/tools re Volume control by the clock: Click on Start, Settings, Control Panel. Double Click on the Multimedia icon. In the ‘Playback’ area, make sure that the ‘Show volume control on the taskbar’ box has a checkmark in it. If it does not, put one in it and click on APPLY and then on OK. The icon should now appear on the taskbar near the clock. Have FUN! DearWebby
"Your honor," a defense attorney began, "I have a series of witnesses that can testify that Mr. Johnson was nowhere near the scene of the crime when it occurred." The judge looked at the defense table and said, "This is the third time you've been in this court room this week, and I'm getting sick and tired of hearing your lies." The defendant stood up with a confused expression and said, "Your honor, you must be mistaken. I've never been here in my life." Waving his hand, the judge replied, "I was referring to your lawyer."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Money Rounding Checkbook Figures When I write a check, I make sure I write the real amount on the check, but in my checkbook register I round the figure up. When I deposit money into my account, I round the figure down. You will never, see or feel it. In 2 years it adds up big time and them some. By Laura from Spartanburg, S.C. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

John brought his new colleague, Peter, home for dinner. As they arrived at the door his wife rushed up, threw her arms around John and kissed him passionately. "My goodness", said Peter, "and how long have you been married?" "22 years", replied John. "You must have a fantastic marriage if your wife greets you like that after all those years." "Don't be fooled! She only does it to make the dog jealous."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Grandma Jones from the valley had never experienced a sick day in her life, so she didn't take it kindly when a bad case of the mulligrubs sent her to the hospital for observation. By the time a pair of husky interns got Grandma tucked into bed, she had managed to complain about everything: the temperature, the lights, the skimpy gown, the food and the mattress - especially, the mattress. Suddenly, Grandma spotted a small plastic item with a button, attached to a cord. "What's that?" she demanded with great suspicion, suspecting it might be one of those sex toys the city folks talked about. "If you need anything in the middle of the night, Grandma," said one of the interns, "just press that button." "What does it do, ring a bell?" she asked. "No, it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse on duty," the intern replied. "A light in the hall?" responded Grandma. "Look, I'm the sick one around here. If the night nurse needs a light on in the hall, she can get up and switch it on herself."

» Strange and interesting Pix
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Computer goes on standby mysteriously 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, February 15, 2010


Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. --- Ambrose Bierce Life is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as the headlights, but if you pay attention, you can make the whole trip that way. --- Socratex
Dear Webby, Thank you for the humor letter, we all appreciate you and your hard work. Might be fun, but it's still hard work. I am writing to suggest that this might be a good time to rerun the joke about the folks that moved to Minnesota, and enjoyed the snow for awhile, but it got to be a real drag. I hope that was enough description, it was written as a diary. Thanks, Betty Dear Betty December 11, 2005 that Classic was requested by Rosie. So here it is again: =================== Dear Webby, a few years ago you had a hilarious diary of a snow shoveler. Have you still got it, and could please you print it again ? Rosie Sure, Rosie! Here it is: Diary of a Snow Shoveler: December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's our neighbor. December 14: Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway And sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. l didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so. December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my rear end on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like you can't believe. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel. December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That dumb snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. December 21: Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crud fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to use the bathroom. By the time I got undressed, went, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I'm sure he is lying. December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying. December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a gun who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his ears. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy watching for that snowplow. December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the miserable slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to scream! December 26: Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves. December 27: Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze. December 28: Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE B***CH is driving me crazy!!!!! December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? December 30: Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches of snow predicted. December 31: Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. January 8: I feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
He said... "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!" She said..."No problem, I'll get you some that is."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Broken taillight.jpg
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rafael Ramos, 54, in New York Police: Suspect impersonated Paul Simon NEW YORK (UPI) -- New York police said they arrested a man who allegedly tried to withdraw money from Paul Simon's bank account by impersonating the musician. Police sources said Rafael Ramos, 54, attempted to withdraw $4,300 from Simon's account at a Citibank branch Wednesday using the recording artist's name, bank account number and Social Security number, the New York Post reported Thursday. However, the bank teller was familiar with Simon's work and recognized that the 6-foot-1 Ramos was taller and years younger than Simon. Ramos fled the bank but was arrested a short time later. Police said he was in possession of a forged driver's license and credit card bearing Simon's name. The suspect was charged with attempted larceny and hospitalized for depression. Simon told police he does not know Ramos and investigators said they do not know how the suspect got the singer's private information.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Katie Re: Standby Dear Webby, Love your Humor Letter! Can you tell me how to stop my computer from going into 'Stand by' mode on its own? I have it marked as 'never' on the properties page. That doesn't seem to make a difference. When it does this, I don’t know how to get it started again except to pull the plug and start from scratch. I would appreciate your input. Sincerely, Katie Dear Katie Most likely your computer is overheating. Turn it off but leave it plugged in so that it has a good ground to conduct static away, open it up, vacuum the dust bunnies out, snap the duct off the processor heatsink and clean the heat sink with Q-tips and rubbing alcohol or Windex. Snap it all back together and it will run nice and cool without going into heat exchaustion. Have FUN! DearWebby
Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business. "Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That 96' beauty belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there 104' is owned by the head of Goldman, Sachs. And look at that huge 210' yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache." His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "I was just wondering," Morris said. "Why aren't there any customers' yachts?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Valentine's Day Tradition: A Home Cooked Meal My husband has everything and is difficult to buy for. So, on Valentine's Day every year, I make him a fancy, multi-course meal that I research a couple weeks ahead of time. I create a festive menu on my word processor complete with cupid clip-art and fancy fonts one week before V-Day. Then, I post the menu in an highly visible location on the wall. Having the menu posted builds anticipation and reminds us of the special night as it grows near. Every year I'm surprised how this ritual never grows old, and I'm just as excited to prepare it as he is to eat it. This is undoubtedly is more special than any bottle of after-shave, neck tie or wallet. By Sara from Cape Cod, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

====From Marcy The music on the postcards is not as loud as it used to be. You must have turned down the volume if the Internet. Please correct your mistakes immediately and turn up the Internet where it is supposed to be so that I can hear it properly! Marcy==== Hi Marcy The volume control is in the little speaker icon on your task bar. If that is turned up, check for the setting on your speakers, or if there is maybe a short circuit between your earphones.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
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We need some other words for "death." The old ones are outdated. It's trite to say, "Ed's passed away." Just say, "He's pearly-gated."

» Cold Picking
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Happy Valentines Day! 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, February 14, 2010



Sometimes your greatest asset is simply your ability to stay with it longer than anyone else. --- Brian Tracy Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. --- Abraham Lincoln Brass bands are all very well in their place - outdoors and several miles away. --- Sir Thomas Beecham
A soldier went up to the Company Cook and said, "If you put a lid on the pan there'll be less dust and dirt in the food". The cook, very annoyed, replied, "You mind your own business. Your duty is to defend the home turf!" "That's right," said the soldier. "I am trying to defend it from being eaten."
A Bishop was approached one morning by a Priest. "Your Eminence," the Priest said, "there's a young lad here who claims to be seeing a vision of our Savior in the chapel. What should I do ?" The Bishop jumped up saying, "Well, I don't know about you, but I'm gonna look real busy !"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Minnick and Jessy Tuttle in Frederick, MD Footprints in snow lead police to burglary suspects Tracking footprints in the snow led to the arrest of two men on charges including burglary and theft, according to the Brunswick Police Department. Officers were called to Jerry's Liquors on Petersville Road about 3:15 a.m. Saturday for a burglary, police said. They met with an employee who had stayed at the store overnight. He told them he awoke to a noise and found a man in the store. The glass front door had been broken. While reviewing video surveillance, the officers saw the burglar was a white man wearing a hooded sweatshirt, police said. He had taken cigarettes and bottles of liquor. While searching the area, officers found a broken liquor bottle on Maple Avenue near City Hall, police said. Officers then tracked shoeprints in the snow to an abandoned house in the 100 block of East Potomac Street. The shoeprints matched those left at the store. Officers found Brunswick residents Anthony Minnick and Jessy Tuttle inside the unlocked house with cigarettes, liquor and a marijuana pipe. Minnick and Tuttle have been charged with second-degree burglary, trespassing, marijuana and drug possession, two counts of theft less than $100, theft less than $1,000, conspiracy to commit theft, destruction of property and possession of burglary tools, police said. About 11 a.m. Saturday, officers were called to Beans in the Belfry on West Potomac Street for a burglary that occurred during the overnight hours, police said. An investigation revealed that items found at the abandoned house had been taken from the business.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Olympic Coverage Dear Webby, why do all the "official" Olympic sites insist that you infect your machine with Microslop Silvercrap as the cost of watching any videos? I gave that Silvercrap another chance, but it is still just as pathetic as the last time I un-installed it. So I uninstalled it again. With FireFox that crap is definitely NOT GOOD ENOUGH to be on my machine, and I am not about to slum down to IE and all it's security problems. Do you know of any sites that are not owned by Microslop toadies and show videos that are not limited to Silvercrap? I would gladly pay for access to videos that are not crippled.. Mark Dear Mark So far I have not found any really good sites that show Olympic videos that are not crippled with the Silvercrap ransom demand. The official site http://www.vancouver2010.com has regular videos, but so far it's just peripheral and background stuff, featuring cheery but boring commentators, but no event clips. If somebody does find a good site, please let me know. Have FUN! DearWebby
I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM bank machine over there."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip at thriftyFun for today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

There are four great religious truths: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith. 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store. 4. Jehovah Witnesses do not recognize each other at a hooters restaurant
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt." A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?" The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless. At the same time he thinks this might be a good omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole." The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?" The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure.", and he makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?" The golfer says, "Certainly!", and again he makes an eagle. As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says, "You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life." "Well," says the golfer. " I'm Father O'Malley, the Father O'Malley, who lost his sexual equipment in the Korean war."

» 2010 Winter Olympics
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Can't vote 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, February 13, 2010
One day until Guilt Day!
If you forget, you WILL be made to feel guilty.


Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms. --- Alan Corenk
A teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill."
The Sunday school lesson for the day was about Noah's Ark, so the teacher decided to get her small pupils involved by playing a game in which they identified animals. "I'm going to describe something to you. Let's see if you can guess what it is. First: I'm furry with a bushy tail and I like to climb trees." The children looked at her blankly. "I also like to eat nuts, especially acorns." No response. This wasn't going well at all! Finally a kid volunteered: "Well, I know the answer has to be Jesus -- but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"
Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for sending this picture: Go away you silly cat!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stephen M. Bosch, 36 in Lexington, Kentucky Dopey Victim A Lexington man was charged with trafficking marijuana Tuesday after reporting that someone had stolen his drugs, according to court documents. Stephen M. Bosch, 36, told Lexington police an armed man had forced his way into his apartment on Crosby Drive around 10:30 p.m. and took $180, according to police reports. While inside, officers noticed the smell of marijuana, and then Bosch admitted the man had also taken 101/2 grams of pot, the reports say. Police searched Bosch's residence and found another $225 in cash, a digital scale, rolling papers and other paraphernalia and an additional 140 grams of marijuana, which had been hidden in the garbage, the report says. In addition to trafficking, Bosch is charged with tampering with physical evidence and possession of drug paraphernalia. He was released Wednesday from the Fayette County jail on 10 percent of a $3,350 bond. Lt. Doug Pape said Lexington police are investigating the robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helen Re: Can't vote I can't vote today. Something is wrong with your article today. Helen Dear Helen My article is just fine. The problem is at the Ezinefinder, a totally neutral company that is not hosted by us. That is quite common for most sites, as you probably have noticed with many of the Bonus Links. Have FUN! DearWebby
Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Valentines this year he'd love to wake up on Valentines morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early on Valentines morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the links. The first guy says, "Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says " Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I patted my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, 'Take your sweater, looks like it might be windy out there'."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Valentine's Day Cookie Decorating Kit While my friend was recovering from hip surgery she was unable to bake and decorate Valentine's Day cookies with her granddaughter. Both of them were pretty disappointed. So I made up a batch of my sugar cookies, cut them into Valentine's shapes and baked them. I got a few containers of ready-to-spread frosting, food coloring, sprinkles and other toppings and packed them (carefully) in a festive container and delivered them to her. My friend was elated with the surprise of the care package I had put together, and the ability of partaking in the annual cookie decorating event that they always had together! This made their day, and mine! This idea can also be used for kids off to college, elderly folks, birthday gifts, housewarmings and more! By Shirley from Hastings, MI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Joe: Why don't you play golf with Bob any more? Jeff: Would you play with someone who curses after each shot, cheats in the bunkers and enters false scores on his card? Joe: No! Jeff: Neither will Bob.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The West Texas farmer had been taken so many times by the local car dealer that when the dealer wanted to buy a $200 cow, the farmer priced it to him like this: Basic cow $200 Two-tone exterior $ 45 Extra stomach $ 75 Product storage compartment $ 60 Dispensing device, Four spigots @ $10 ea. $ 40 Genuine cowhide upholstery $125 Dual horns $ 15 Automatic fly swatter $ 35 __________ Total = $595

» What a Squeak
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