Icons spread over two monitors 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, March 11

For most of you the clocks will need to be adjusted for 
summer time tonight. Move it one hour ahead.
The Government says it's later than you think.

Personally, I would be quite happy with summer time all
year long. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0537 Goths lay siege to Rome 
1665 New York approves new code guaranteeing Protestants religious rights
1669 Volcano Etna in Italy erupts killing 15,000 
1810 Emperor Napoleon married by proxy to Archduchess Marie Louise 
1888 Great blizzard of '88 strikes northeast US
1917 British troops occupy Baghdad
1918 Moscow becomes capital of revolutionary Russia 
1919 General strike in Germany, crushed 
1935 Bank of Canada opens
1935 Hermann Goering officially creates German Air Force, 
        the Luftwaffe 
1938 German troops enter Austria 
1943 Nazi Militia forms in Netherlands 
1945 1,000 allied bombers bomb Essen, 4,662 tons of bombs.
     The Germans were already sick and tired of Hitler, this
     made them hate the Allies and not give up just yet. 
1948 Jewish Agency of Jerusalem bombed 
1953 An American B-47 accidentally drops a nuclear bomb on 
           South Carolina, the bomb doesn't go off 
1970 Iraq Ba'th Party recognizes Kurd nation 
1975 USSR performs nuclear test at Eastern Semipalitinsk USSR 
1977 34 Israelis killed by Palestinians on the Tel Aviv-Haifa highway
1977 Moslems hold 130 hostages in Washington DC
1978 Terrorists attack mail truck at Tel Aviv, 45 killed 
1982 Menachem Begin & Anwar Sadat sign peace treaty in Washington DC 
1987 Wayne Gretzky scores 1,500th NHL point 
1990 Lithuania declares it's Independence 
1991 Janet Jackson signs $40M three album deal with Virgin records 
1997 Beatle Paul McCartney knighted Sir Paul by Queen Elizabeth II 
2012  smiled.


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. --- Joan Rivers I have nothing against jogging, as long as it is done by bouncy cuties. Let's go find some! --- Hagar
A man from Edinburgh wrote to an English editor, "If you don't stop printing those derogatory Scottish jokes, most of which imply we're cheap, I'm going to quit stealing your stupid magazine."
Copycat Recipes Cookbook Over 750 Secret Copycat Recipes From Your Favorite Restaurants. Easily Prepare the Most Guarded Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Kitchen. The same tastes and flavors for a fraction of the cost! Copy Cat Recipes Learn to cook the highly guarded secrets behind dishes from » Red Lobster » Applebee's » Chili's » Olive Garden » T.G.I. Fridays and yes, even » Outback Steakhouse get the Copycat Recipes Cookbook now!

The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below. The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back to the top of the gangplank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now."
Click through for the large version. Kluane, Yukon
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to John Jardini, 26 in Pittsburgh, PA Idiot Jailed After Asking Girl On Date After He Robbed Her Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania (The Weekly Vice) - John Jardini, a 26-year-old Pittsburgh resident was jailed after he allegedly robbed a girl, than called her and asked her out on a date. According to Pittsburgh police, Jardini reportedly stole $60 from the victim as she was waiting for her mother at a bus stop. He then somehow got her number and began calling her after the robbery and asking her on dates. Investigators say officers were beginning to track Jardini down when he reportedly robbed the same victim again, and this time her mother too. Judging by the looks on his booking photo, they seem to have defended themselves. He was apprehended and was positively identified as the suspect who had attacked the victim earlier. Jardini was booked into the Allegheny County Jail on charges of robbery.
Tech Support Pits: From: Erin Re: Icons on two monitors Dear Webby, you mentioned using two monitors at the same time. I have seen programmers and web designers use two monitors at the same time, but have not seen that on home machines. Could I have some of my icons on one monitor and others on the other one? Erin Dear Erin Yes, that is indeed the preferred method. The sawed off "Wide screen" monitors are often 1260 or 1280 pixes wide. They are only 900 pixels high, compared to 1600 wide and 1200 high on classic 4:3 monitors. If you use a spreadsheet or word processor documant 1200 pixels wide, you can shove it over to the wide screen, and the top 2/3 of it will look the same as on the 4:3 monitor, plus leaving an 80 pixel wide space on the side. That extra space is just perfect for a column of icons. That way you can use the unused 400 pixel wide space on side of the classic 4:3 monitor for calendar, reminder, calculator, measurement converter, etc. The system acts and looks like you had a 1280 + 1600 wide monitor with the bottom third on the left one duck-taped off. You might yearn for a second 4:3 monitor, but you'll get used to the odd arrangement. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine. After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed. "Thirty dollars, Ma'am," he answered. "Why that's simply outrageous!" she stormed. "That's what's wrong with you Maine people, you're always trying to overcharge summer visitors. What do you do in the winter, when we're not here to be gypped out of our hard earned money?" "In Winter we raise porcupines, Ma'am." ---------------------------- The easiest way to remove porcupine quills is to use sharp side cutters to cut them off, and then pull them out with needle-nose pliers. If you don't cut them off, the air inside the quills is compressed, when you try to grab them, and little barbs along the tip get pushed out, making removal very difficult. With side cutters in one hand and needle-nose in the other, it goes pretty quick. Have done that many times.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Toiletries When Staying at Hotels We always save the soap, shampoos, toothpaste, and lotions we get at hotels when we stay in them. They come in handy when we run out of out regular soaps and things, especially when we can't make it to the store right away. Plus, they are perfect for traveling when you don't want to bring your bigger bottles. When company is staying over it is nice to give them their own bar of soap with their towels, too! By morbetomommy from Topeka, KS Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
>From Jane Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co- worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware. As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report. "Not really," Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When the employees of a restaurant here attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. "Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then press the trigger to release the foam." Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In an open 45 gallon drum that was partially filled with water and carefully topped off with a layer of motor oil, then a layer of diesel, a big, smoky fire was burning quite lively. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin. The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?" In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin ... and slam-dunked the extinguisher into the fire. ------------- If you have never used a fire extinguisher, keep in mind that they are NOT like a hand grenade. Pulling the pin doesn't really do anything. It just ALLOWS you to squeeze the handle. To actually squirt foam or powder or CO2 snow, you have to squeeze the handle. When you let go of the handle, it stops squirting.
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Sawed off monitors 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 10


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
0241 -BC- Battle of Aegusa: Roman fleet sinks 50 Carthagean ships 
1681 English Quaker William Penn receives charter from Charles II, 
making him sole proprietor of colonial American territory Pennsylvania 
1862 US issues 1st paper money ($5, $10, $20, $50, $100, $500 & $1000)
1876 1st telephone call made (Alexander Graham Bell to Thomas Watson) 
1880 Salvation Army of England sets up US welfare & religious activity 
1910 China ends slavery 
1914 Suffragettes in London damage Rokeby's Venus of Velasquez 
1927 Bavaria lifts ban on Hitler's speeches
1933 Nevada becomes 1st US state to regulate narcotics 
1945 Tokyo in fire after night time B-29 bombing
1952 Military coup by General Fulgencio Batista in Cuba 
1957 Thousands of soccer fans riot in Italy
1960 USSR agrees to stop nuclear testing 
1966 North Vietnamese capture US Green Beret Camp at Ashau Valley 
1972 USSR performs nuclear test at Semipalitinsk USSR 
1985 India beat Pakistan to win "World Championship of Cricket" 
1988 Avalanche at Swiss Ski resort "Klosters" nearly kills Prince Charles 
2012  smiled.


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government." --- Edward Abbey (1927-1989) We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but Congress can. --- Cullen Hightower
"You just go ahead," the man in the shopping mall said to his wife. "While you're shopping, I'll browse in the hardware store." An hour later, she returned and saw him at the checkout counter. The clerk was ringing up the last of a pile of tools and supplies that would fill two wheelbarrows. "Are you buying all this?" his wife asked incredulously. "Well, yes," he said, embarrassed. Then waving his arm toward the interior of the store, he added, "But look at all the stuff I'm leaving behind!"
Copycat Recipes Cookbook Over 750 Secret Copycat Recipes From Your Favorite Restaurants. Easily Prepare the Most Guarded Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Kitchen. The same tastes and flavors for a fraction of the cost! Copy Cat Recipes Learn to cook the highly guarded secrets behind dishes from » Red Lobster » Applebee's » Chili's » Olive Garden » T.G.I. Fridays and yes, even » Outback Steakhouse get the Copycat Recipes Cookbook now!

Thanks to Barb for this one: The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find somebody sitting in a chair. Here is a loaded gun. Go in and kill that person! The man went inside. Iside he saw his wife sitting in the chair, with a blindfold over her eyes. He looked at her for a minute, then turned and came back outside. There he said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill the person in the chair. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. Then they heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Click through for the large version. Kluane, Yukon
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Steven Mulhall Stole name plate from judge, posted on Facebook FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. (AP) - Note to thieves. If you steal a nameplate from a judge, don't let anyone post a picture of you holding it on Facebook. Authorities in South Florida say that's exactly what led to the arrest Thursday of 21-year-old Steven Mulhall on violation of probation charges. Broward County Sheriff Al Lamberti told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel Mulhall pried the $40 nameplate from the courtroom door of Broward Circuit Judge Michael Orlando. He says Mulhall has multiple petty theft convictions and now faces felony charges. Arrest reports show the nameplate was stolen around Feb. 23. Authorities received a tip that Mulhall took the nameplate and that the picture could be found on his girlfriend's Facebook page. The Bonehead is in jail and the nameplate will be lrturned to the judge.
Tech Support Pits: From: Alice Re: Sawed off monitor Dear Webby, Some people claimed you were just an old fogie with your ranting against what you called sawed off monitors, and that wide monitors provided more usable screen. Well, I fell for their slick sales talk and wound up with a sawed off piece of crap. Luckily I still have an old-fashioned 4:3 ratio monitor. It is an ancient NEC the size of a small fridge and twice the weight, but I get true 1600 x 1200 on it. The laptop with the sawed off screen can barely manage a 945 pixel tall screen. I got them linked together, so that I can use the old monitor for spreadsheet and word processor work, basically ANY real work, like I have been doing for decades, and the sawed off laptop screen as a scratch-pad on the side. It is pathetic, when I slide a spreadsheet over to the left, the bottom third is, well, sawed off and not showing. I guess you knew all along what you were talking about. Do you know of any tricks to get sawed off screens and laptops to show more height or compress spreadsheets instead of sawing them off? Thanks Alice Dear Alice No, unfortunately there is no way to squish spreadsheets when you slide them across to another monitor. When you zoom them, it does that on both screens. They show whatever resolution they got, not a scale to page size like a printer does. Take good care of your old monitor, and keep an eye out for a spare at yard sales. Have FUN! DearWebby
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I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are inde- pendent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Can Opener To clean and disinfect the wheel of a can opener, just use white vinegar and an old tooth brush. Dip the toothbrush in the vinegar and scrub clean. Swish in hot soapy water and rinse. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas." When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas." After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse. Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, LOUD and clearly: "One hour and 45 minutes!"
» One of a Kind





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Do link exchanges help? 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, March 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Drove to Calgary to get fitted with a Holter heart monitor,
and had to calibrate it with rest and a six minute walk.
Since I take bigger strides than their staff, they didn't 
accompany me, but had people at checkpoints marking
down how often I walked past them.

Now I got to wear the portable ECG till tomorrow afternoon,
and then pack it up for a courier.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born. His name on a book with his 
    second-hand descriptions about the new continent, got it 
    named America.
1562 Kissing in public banned in Naples (punishable by death) 
1741 English fleet under Admiral Ogle begins assault on Cartagena
1791 George Hayward, Us, surgeon, 1st to use ether 
1796 Napoleon Bonaparte marries Josephine de Beauharnais 
1820 Philippines chases out foreigners; about 125 die 
1822 Charles M Graham of New York patents artificial teeth
1839 Prussian government limits work week for children 
   to 51 hours 
1918 Russian Bolshevik Party becomes the Communist Party 
1942 Construction of the Alaska Highway began 
1945 334 US B-29 Superfortresses attack Tokyo with 
   120,000 fire bombs
1945 Japanese proclaim the "independence" of Indo-China 
1959 Barbie doll debuted, over 800 million sold so far. 
1961 1st animal returned from space, dog Blackie on Sputnik 9 
1962 Egyptian President Nasser declares Gaza belongs to 
    Palestinians 
1962 US advisors in South-Vietnam join the fight 
1964 1st Ford Mustang produced 
1974 Last Japanese soldier, a guerrilla operating in Philippines, 
    surrenders, 29 years after World War II ended
1977 Hanafi Moslems invade 3 buildings in Washington DC, 
    siege ended March 11th 
2012  smiled.


If you can help with the cost of the
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The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side. --- James Baldwin
During a lesson in Biology, one girl whispered to another, "You know, I think the most frightening thing about heredity and environment is that our parents provide both."
Copycat Recipes Cookbook Over 750 Secret Copycat Recipes From Your Favorite Restaurants. Easily Prepare the Most Guarded Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Kitchen. The same tastes and flavors for a fraction of the cost! Copy Cat Recipes Learn to cook the highly guarded secrets behind dishes from » Red Lobster » Applebee's » Chili's » Olive Garden » T.G.I. Fridays and yes, even » Outback Steakhouse get the Copycat Recipes Cookbook now!

>From Nina I was escorted to a wedding by my twenty-four-year-old bachelor son. He appeared unaffected by the ceremony until the bride and groom lighted a single candle with their candles and then blew out their own. With that he brightened and whispered, "I've never seen that done before." I whispered back, "You know what it means, don't you?" His response: "No more old flames?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Richard Todd, 46 Drunk at the DRIVE-through Wendy's workers refused service to a man accused of being drunk at the drive through and claiming three people were about to rob the place. Fort Pierce police, however, granted service to the man, arresting him about 11:40 p.m. March 1 on a DUI charge. A manager at the fast food eatery on North U.S. 1 in Fort Pierce told police a man later identified as Richard Todd, 46, was denied service "because he was drunk and causing a problem," a recently released arrest affidavit states. Todd left the drive through, motored around the building and returned to the drive through. "This time he told them that they were about to get robbed by 'three (racial slurs),'" the affidavit states. The manager called police, and an officer reported finding Todd in his truck at the drive through speaker. Meanwhile, Todd said he'd just stopped a robbery. Officers noticed how Todd smelled of alcohol. "They also noticed how he appeared to be out of control," an affidavit states. When asked whether he'd been drinking, Todd wanted to discuss the folks who were going to rob Wendy's. He did say he imbibed a beer or two on his boat. Todd was arrested on a DUI charge.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bernard Re: Does trading links help? Dear Webby, Does trading links help to get a better listing in the search engines? Bernard Dear Bernard No, and Yes. If you are referring to trading links with a spammer from an unrelated site, then the answer is NO !. The search engines will penalize and probably dump you. If you are talking about in-context links, where you are referring to a site that has deeper details or additional information about YOUR topic, then the links count in your favor. Elaborating is quite OK, changing topics is NOT! Keep in mind that the search engines are spending Billions of dollars to be relevant and able to deliver exactly what the visitors are looking for. They don't like it at all when you listen to con-artists pretending to be Search Engine Optimizers and experiment with sleazy tricks to try to get around the Search Engine's quest for relevancy and accuracy. Unless you want to be lumped in with spammers and caught cheaters, just trash that spam and forget it. If you WANT to link to a site, to let them provide details or proving your point, don't feel shy about asking the webmasters about linking to them, and if it is a long page, ask them to put an anchor at the chapter, that you link to. To show you how that works, I put an anchor named tradelinks at the begin of the Tech Support Pits. Try browsing to http://webby.com/humor#tradelinks The pound sign and the anchor name after that will jump the browser straight to here. A similar anchor in a seven feet long page will make your link to it a LOT more relevant. Linking to the top entrance could possibly appear like a totally irrelevant subject change. Most webmasters will gladly cooperate and snap in an anchor for you. It helps them to be relevant. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Here are Biblical bloopers from Sunday school students: FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT ------------------------------------------- In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with Genitals. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. He probably needed them to protect him from the 300 wives when they started arguing.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com College Survival Kit This is an idea for a going away gift for anyone going to college. My neighbors daughter is leaving for college and I wanted to give her something special to take with her. I found a very nice small vintage looking suitcase at an estate sale. I have had such fun filling it with inexpensive necessities and I am really proud of myself at how thrifty I have been. Items included in the suitcase are, cookies, instant ramen noodle soups, instant hot chocolate, a pretty mug, again purchased at a estate sale. Pencils, pens, highlighters, a dayplanner, a phone card which was a buy one get one free at Walgreens drug store, a pretty package of notecards and a book of stamps. Gifts do not have to be expensive to be a blessing! All of the items I have purchased at estate sales, or at a very good sale price! By Bobbie from Rockwall Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
What are the Chemical Properties of Women? Substance: Women Chemical system: Wow Manufacturer: God Occurrence: Large quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES 1. Surface Tension - Soft and warm 2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced. 3. Boils at nothing. 4. Freezes without reason. 5. Melts with special reason. 6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly. 7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common ore. 8. Yields to pressure applied at certain points. 9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age. 10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to reproduce with marked physical and mental changes. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES 1. Has affinity for gold, silver and precious stones. 2. Absorbs great quantity of expensive substances. 3. Highly volatile for reasons not clearly understood. 4. Verbal activity greatly increased by alcohol saturation. 5. Most powerful money reducing agent known. COMMON USES 1. Highly ornamental. 2. Relatively brief exposure can be a great aid to relaxation. 3. Pleasurable companion until legally owned. SUBSTANCE VERIFICATION 1. Pure specimen turns bright pink when observed in natural state. 2. Turns green when compared to better specimens. HAZARDS 1. May explode spontaneously without cause. 2. Illegal to possess more than one specimen at a time. 3. Avoid specimen contact with plastic credit cards
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Chemical Propeties of Men ELEMENT : Man Note: Chemical Properties of Women was run yesterday SYMBOL: Ma DISCOVERER: Eve (discovered by accident when she had a craving for ribs) OCCURRENCE: Often found near dual element Wo (Women), usually in high concentrations surrounding a perfect Wo specimen. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1) Surface is often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others. 2) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts when treated properly. 3) Can cause headaches 4) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo 5) Gains considerable mass and loses reactive nature as specimen ages 6) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick. 7) Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of the Wo common ore. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: 1) All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible. 2) May react with several Wo isotopes in a short period under extremly favorable conditions. 3) Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo. 4) Usually willing to react with whatever is available. 5) Will be fairly inert and repellant to most other elements when saturated with alcohol. 6) Is repelled by most common household appliances and cleansers. 7) Is repelled by small children in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety. 8) Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness. STORAGE: 1) Best results near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style. USES: 1) Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo. 2) Can be used in recreational activities. TESTS: 1) Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity 2) Reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths. CAUTION: 1) May react extremely violently when another Ma interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen. 2) When treated right can be good long term provider of necessities and basic luxuries for Wo
» One of a Kind





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Browser Errors 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, March 8

Thanks to all, who have sent me links to state maps!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1722 Afghan monarch Mir Mahmud occupies Persia 
1801 British drive French forces from Abukir, Egypt 
1911 International Women's Day (1st celebrated) 
1916 US invades Cuba for 3rd time, this time to end 
      corrupt Menocal regime 
1930 Mahatma Gandhi starts civil disobedience in India 
1942 Japanese forces captures Rangoon Burma
1943 335 allied bombers attack Neurenberg
1944 US resumes daily bombing of Berlin
1950 Marshall Voroshilov of USSR announces they 
         developed atomic bomb 
1957 USSR performs atmospheric nuclear test 
1957 Israeli troops leave Egypt; Suez Canal re-opened 
     for minor ships
1963 Syrian Arab Republic Revolution Day: Military coup in Syria
1965 1st US combat forces arrive in South Vietnam (3,500 Marines) 
1971 Radio Hanoi broadcasts Jimi Hendrix's "Star Spangled Banner" 
1979 1st extraterrestrial volcano discovered (Jupiter's satellite Io) 
1979 China withdraws invasion troops from Vietnam 
1983 IBM releases PC DOS version 2.0 
1986 Japanese probe Suisei passes Halley's Comet
2012  smiled.


If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson I was watching the Discovery Channel and turkeys are amazing creatures. They have been bred over hundreds of years to have small brains, big breasts, and peck at food. So they're like the supermodels of the animal kingdom. --- Jay Leno People who never get carried away should be. --- Malcolm Forbes
A psychology student was to help a professor in conducting a personality test. The room was set up with various props in order to move through the assessment quickly. The first person to enter the room started through the test. "How does this glass of water look to you?" Person 1: It is half empty. Student writes 'pessimist' in his report. Person 2 enters the room. "How does this glass of water look to you?" Person 2: It is half full. Student writes 'optimist' in his report. Person 3 enters the room. "How does this glass of water look to you?" Person 3: Looks like you have twice as much glass as you need there. The student looks totally blank and goes to consult with the professor. "Oh them!", the professor says, "I forgot to warn you about the engineers! They have no personality."
Copycat Recipes Cookbook Over 750 Secret Copycat Recipes From Your Favorite Restaurants. Easily Prepare the Most Guarded Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Kitchen. The same tastes and flavors for a fraction of the cost! Copy Cat Recipes Learn to cook the highly guarded secrets behind dishes from » Red Lobster » Applebee's » Chili's » Olive Garden » T.G.I. Fridays and yes, even » Outback Steakhouse get the Copycat Recipes Cookbook now!
These recipes are NOT the instructions, that the staff at those restaurants get! You won't see Mashed Potatoes: "2 #6 scoops of pre-mix from drum #12, one gallon of hot water. Stir for 45 seconds." What you get is instructions to make things taste exactly the same or better than what you get at those restaurants.
A man was on a walking holiday in a foreign country. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a stranger's home for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen - running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ummm, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using"
Thanks to Aletta for sending this picture: Click through for the large version. Northern Lights behind Icelandic volcano Fimmvorduhals
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Michelle Polan, 21 Locked kids in basement, went drinking La Vista, Nebraska Michelle Polan, a 21-year-old La Vista woman was jailed after she allegedly left her 9-month-old twins and a three-year-old alone in the basement for 9 hours so she could go out drinking. According to La Vista police, Polan's sister reportedly discovered the children alone in the basement of Polan's home early Saturday after she heard the babies crying. She contacted police after Polan did not return home for over 8 hours or show any concern for her children. Polan tried to sneak in through the back door around 6:00 p.m, nearly an hour after child protective services had removed the children from the home. They are now in the care of Polan's mother. Investigators say when officers questioned Polan, she claimed that she had been at work all day. She appeared to be intoxicated, however, and was administered a blood-alcohol test. When the test showed that she was almost twice the state's legal driving limit, she admitted that she had been drinking all day at a friend's house. Her sister told police that this was not the first time Polan had left her children alone. Polan was booked into jail and charged with two counts of felony child abuse. She is due to appear in court on Tuesday.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mike Re: 404 or 500 errors Dear Webby I have a problem with my Internet browser I get when proceeding to site error 404 forbidding area or error 500 not allowed to view this page .... my question is how do fix this, in laymen's terms. I am using a verizon air card for high speed, but it is not really that fast. Mike Dear Mike That is not your browser's fault. You see those errors if the webmaster forgot to upload the page you are looking for or if there is a server error, or when Verizon is too slow in your area. It could also be that there is a typo in the link that you used to get to that site. You can write to the webmaster of that site and ask for clarification. Considering how many people are extremely unhappy with those air cards, I would suggest that you call Verizon and insist, that they give you 2/3 of the speed, that you pay for. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com College Survival Kit This is an idea for a going away gift for anyone going to college. My neighbors daughter is leaving for college and I wanted to give her something special to take with her. I found a very nice small vintage looking suitcase at an estate sale. I have had such fun filling it with inexpensive necessities and I am really proud of myself at how thrifty I have been. Items included in the suitcase are, cookies, instant ramen noodle soups, instant hot chocolate, a pretty mug, again purchased at a estate sale. Pencils, pens, highlighters, a dayplanner, a phone card which was a buy one get one free at Walgreens drug store, a pretty package of notecards and a book of stamps. Gifts do not have to be expensive to be a blessing! All of the items I have purchased at estate sales, or at a very good sale price! By Bobbie from Rockwall Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up. However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'" "It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that I've forgiven and forgotten."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The company I worked for had an employee suggestion competition, the entire staff was asked to submit entries that would save money for the firm. The winner was a man who suggested the company save paper by posting corporate memos on bulletin boards, instead of printing 200 individual copies for distribution. He won a helium balloon with the company logo and one share of stock. A memo announcing the winner went out to 200 people.
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What is MailWasher all about? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, March 7

Thank you Robert & Loretta!

I had to drive into Calgary yesterday, Tuesday morning.
Just like Ophelia had warned me, they had almost a foot
of fresh snow.

The East end of Black Diamond looked like a staging area for
a major disaster relief operation. There were herds of tow 
trucks, crane trucks, electrical company and phone company 
repair trucks, plow trucks, and trucks pulling trailers with 
loaders on them. They were just sitting there, idling, with 
the drivers standing in groups, drinking coffee and smoking.
They were ready for that same foot of snow, but in Black
Diamond it was only a couple of inches. No big deal.

On the freeway the snow was partly plowed, partly punched
down, but thoroughly salted with a dirty mix of sand, dirt
and salt. One of those times when I woul rather sit up high
in a semi, than in a low sports car, that takes all the muck
onto the windshield.

There was a light fog with the sun above it, and the wind 
blowing snow across the road made it look really pretty in
the diffused sunlight.

For about thirty miles the wind from the side was a bit much
for comfort and vans and SUVs slowed down, wallowing in
the wind like boats on a stormy sea, with the drivers
desperately looking for heavy hitchhikers. 

A three story B-Train cattle hauler, though, was cruising 
along like a train. The two hundred cows in it gave him 
all the traction he needed. I was able to shelter in the
lee of him for over ten miles.

In Calgary itself the roads were a total mess. The main
through roads were plowed and salted, but anything les than
3 lanes per direction had barely packed snow, often on
top of ice. The only way to find the hidden ice was to brake
or accelerate or to steer. Getting passed by a 4x4 SUV going 
backwards with all wheels locked was also a good indication.

I made it to the PLC hospital with over 10 minutes to spare,
paid the parking extortion and searched for the spot I had 
to go to. 

The info center at the entrance was vacant, but there was a
phone nearby and a sticker with the number to call for info.
Great!
"Go to the back where the big green sign used to be, then
on the left take the narrowest corridor and go about half a
mile to where the coffee shop used to be, there you'll see
signs directing you to where you should go."

That was a lot better than the sign on the side of the hospital,
that had left the province during a Chinook last spring.
Luckily I had checked it out on Google Earth beforehand.

When I got to the department that I had to go to, I was given
a stack of forms to fill out, but was immediately hauled away
by a staffer and told to just sign it, somebody would fill it
out later. Apparently a lot of people from Calgary could not
make it to their appointments on time, and instead of the
usual 45 minute wait due to triple booking, they jumped me
ahead a dozen people and put me into a cubicle right away.

Blood pressure test, and heart beat counter, yep heart is
still beating. "Take yer clothes off and put the gown on."

As usual, I put it on backwards, with the silly tie strings 
in the front. I may be crazy, but I am not stupid!

I barely had the stupid IC gown on when the doctor came in.
He checked the blood pressure in my feet and with a handy
mechanic's amplified bearing microphone listened to the blood 
in my feet.  

"Circulation is fine, you just have some nerve damage from 
your diabetes. Increase your dose of Gabapentin.
Next."

So I left and visited Dianne, the lady, who sends me the 
Bonus Links. She lives near that hospital.
Gretings to all of you from her!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1530 King Henry VIII's divorce request is denied by the Pope 
  Henry then declares that he, not the Pope, is supreme head 
  of England's church 
1774 British close port of Boston to all commerce 
1778 Captain James Cook 1st sights Oregon coast, at 
   Yaquina Bay 
1847 US General Scott occupies Vera Cruz Mexico 
1854 Charles Miller patents 1st US sewing machine to 
   stitch buttonholes 
1872 -8º F in Boston MA
1876 Alexander Graham Bell patents telephone
1908 Cincinnati Mayor Mark Breith stood before city council 
  and announced that, "women are not physically fit to operate 
  automobiles" 
1911 US sent 20,000 troops to Mexican border 
1921 Red Army under Trotsky attack sailors of Kronstadt 
1926 1st transatlantic telephone call (London-New York) 
1932 Riots at Ford-factory Dearborn MI, kills 4 
1936 Hitler breaks Treaty of Versailles, sends troops to 
  German speaking Rhineland 
1939 Guy Lombardo & Royal Canadians 1st record 
   "Auld Lang Syne" 
1941 50,000 British soldiers lands in Greece
1941 British troops invade Abyssinia (Ethiopia)
1942 15 Mk-VB Spitfires reach Malta 
1944 Japans begins offensive in Burma
1945 Cologne taken by allied armies withut resistance
1945 Yugoslavia government of Tito forms
1965 Alabama state troopers & 600 black protestors clash in Selma 
1971 Egypt refuses to renew the Suez ceasefire
1991 Iraq continues to explode oil fields in Kuwait 


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The road to hell is paved with adverbs. --- Stephen King The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires. --- Dorothy Parker The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. --- Herbert Spencer
Thanks to Susan for this one: I began thinking about my own mortality after I became a widow. One day my daughter called home from college, and I announced to her, "I think it's time for us to talk about where I would like to be buried." "It's way too soon to even think of anything like that," she snapped indignantly. Then there was a brief silence. "Wait a minute, did you say married or buried?" When I repeated buried, she said, "Oh, okay, sure."
Copycat Recipes Cookbook Over 750 Secret Copycat Recipes From Your Favorite Restaurants. Easily Prepare the Most Guarded Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Kitchen. The same tastes and flavors for a fraction of the cost! Copy Cat Recipes Learn to cook the highly guarded secrets behind dishes from » Red Lobster » Applebee's » Chili's » Olive Garden » T.G.I. Fridays and yes, even » Outback Steakhouse get the Copycat Recipes Cookbook now!
These recipes are NOT the instructions, that the staff at those restaurants get! You won't see Mashed Potatoes: "2 #6 scoops of pre-mix from drum #12, one gallon of hot water. Stir for 45 seconds." What you get is instructions to make things taste exactly the same or better than what you get at those restaurants.
Job Applicant Terminology and Translation: "I know how to deal with stressful situations" means: I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks. "I seek a job that will draw upon my strong communication and organizational skills" means: I talk too much and like to tell other people what to do. "I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization" means: I've used Microsoft Word. "My pertinent work experience includes" means: I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had. "I take pride in my work" means: I blame others for my mistakes. "I'm balanced and centered" means: I'll keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunchroom. "I have a sense of humor" means: I know a lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly. "I'm willing to relocate" means: As I leave San Quentin, any where's better. "I'm extremely professional" means: I carry a Day-Timer. "My background and skills match your requirements" means: You're probably looking for someone more experienced. "I am adaptable" means: I've changed jobs a lot. "I am on the go" means: I'm never at my desk. "I am honest and reliable." means My time sheets are as phoney as the foam in the bra. "I am family oriented and responsible." means I expect time off with pay for taking kids to the dentist, doctor, zoo and Gramma. "I'm highly motivated to succeed" means: The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there. "I am friendly and cooperative." means .. on Interview day, to the end of probation if absolutely necessary. "I am very community oriented." means I write and print the newsletters for seven clubs on company paper, during working hours. "I have formal training" means: I'm a college dropout. "I have formal training and some certificates." means I dropped out after I knew enough WordPerfect to print up my own certificates. "I have lots of informal training from associating with experts in the field." means I once had a seat on the plane beside an expert. "I interact well with co-workers" means: I have accused coworkers of sexual harassment. "I am perficint in hendling coraspondince perfesionaly." Not suitable for anything involving a keyboard. "I am a fsat typsit nad do wel lat mulitaksing." means Dyslexic and not smart enough to use a spell-checker. "Thank you for your time and consideration" means: The Manpower booklet said to put that at the end. ----------------------- Do we bother reading resumes ? Yep. AFTER a quick refresher glance at this translator list.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Trevor Glen Lang Deputy turns in teenage son after finding child porn on his cell phone Sanford, Florida: Trevor Glen Lang, an 18-year-old Sanford man was jailed Monday after his father found child porn on his cellphone and turned him in to police. According to the Seminole County Sheriff's Office, Lang's father contacted police after he had found a locked folder named "photos/videos 13-15 years old" on a cell phone that he and his wife let his son use on occasion. Lang's father happens to be a deputy with the Sheriff's Office. Investigators say he phone was submitted to the digital forensics department where investigators unlocked the foldr and found numerous images of child pornography. Lang admitted to police that he had downloaded, possessed, and shared pornographic images of children. Lang was booked into the John E. Polk Correctional Facility and charged with 10 counts of sexual performance-possession, possession of photographs and motion pictures which, in whole or in part, he knew to include sexual conduct by a child. He was released after posting $1,900 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Renee Re: How does mailWasher work? Dear Webby, I just read one of your responses to a question wherein you mention MailWasher. What exactly does this program do, is it a free download, does it work with any program, and do you have the link to MailWasher? Thank you in advance for your response. Have a very happy day. Renee The link to MailWasher is above the tech Tips. I simplified it to http://webby.com/mailwasher You can get the free trial from there. MailWasher lets you view the top of each mail in a list, WITHOUT downloading the email. You are just peeking like with a browser. Mailwasher then flags spam and dangerous stuff, and lets you check that list. You might want to flag additional stuff, blacklist some stuff, friend other stuff. One of the main benefits is that MailWasher shows you not just the visible links, for example your bank, but the actual, underlying link, which could be a call to a PHP program on some hacker site in Nigeria. Naturally, there is no point in downloading dangerous stuff like that. Then you hit F6 or click on PROCESS. It dumps the stuff flagged for deleting, and calls up your email program. NOW you finally get the mail with your email program, but only what has survived the washing. Whenever you spot a pattern or word, that is used only by spammers or politicians, then you make a filter for that. Naturally, you can also make positive filters to protect your Sweetie's email no matter what topic or content. MailWasher is easy to use, but extremely flexible. Anything you want it to do during the wash, has been thought of by somebody years ago and has been built in. Keep in mind, some of us have used MailWasher for more than a dozen years! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Golf Tips: 1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart. 2. Form a loose grip. 3. Keep your head down. 4. Avoid a quick back swing. 5. Stay out of the water. 6. Try not to hit anyone. 7. If you are taking too long, please let other go ahead of you. 8. Don't stand directly in front of others. 9. Quiet please, while others are preparing to go. 10. Don't take extra strokes. Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside and tee off.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an Exfoliating Glove For Cleaning To clean in between the faucet and knobs in the bathroom, use an exfoliating glove from the dollar store. It works great on the tub faucet and in the kitchen too. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Tina decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her friend next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size. "Buffy," she said, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?" "Fifteen," said Buffy. So the Tina bought fifteen rolls of paper and did the job, but she had seven rolls left over. "Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got seven left over!" "Yeah!" said Buffy. "I did too."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One time during the underway watch the Officer Of the Day decided to test my seamanship. "What would you do if the forward watch fell off the side of the ship?" "Easy, sir, I'd call 'Man Overboard' and follow the Man Overboard procedures." "What would you do if an officer fell overboard?" "Hmmm," I said, "Which one, sir?"
» Kodachromes





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How to assign sounds in W7 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, March 6

Thank you June!

From Diana D
Love the new "Today in" section in your daily newsletter.  
Oh what the heck, I love the newsletter - period.  Helps start 
my day off with a grin on my face.

Here's something interesting for Tuesday's "Today in" section 
if you'd like to use it.

On Tuesday, the Oreo cookie will turn 100 years old.
Before the name “Oreo” became the name, the first cookies were 
called Arrhea. Those first cookies were baked at the Chelsea 
Market Bakery in Manhattan in 1912.  The first sales took place in 
Hoboken, N.J. 

Canadians were introduced to the Oreo in 1949.
Surely hope your eyesight and general health are improving.
Diana D.

Today in 
1475 Michelangelo Buonarroti.the painter / sculptor was born
1521 Magellan discovers Guam
1799 Napoleon captures Jaffa Palestine 
1836 3,000 Mexicans beat 182 Texans at the Alamo, 
        after 13 day fight 
1899 "Aspirin" patented by Felix Hoffmann
1921 Police in Sunbury PA issue an edict requiring Women to 
          wear skirts at least 4 inches below the knee 
1933 Poland occupies free city Danzig
1944 USAF begins daily daylight bombing of Berlin
1986 USSR's Vega 1 flies by Halley's Comet at 8,889 km
1991 Iraq capitulates in the Persian Gulf conflict

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. --- Thomas A. Edison Risk comes from not knowing what you're doing. --- Warren Buffett The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Only sick music makes money today. --- Friedrich Nietzsche Not all, that is noisy, is music to all ears. --- Socratex
>From Mona: When my son first start dating he said, "I want to marry a good woman, a smart woman, one who'll be a good mother to our kids, a woman who will make me happy." I told him he'd better make up his mind.
Copycat Recipes Cookbook Over 750 Secret Copycat Recipes From Your Favorite Restaurants. Easily Prepare the Most Guarded Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Kitchen. The same tastes and flavors for a fraction of the cost! Copy Cat Recipes Learn to cook the highly guarded secrets behind dishes from » Red Lobster » Applebee's » Chili's » Olive Garden » T.G.I. Fridays and yes, even » Outback Steakhouse get the Copycat Recipes Cookbook now!

KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO Alabama : Hell Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska : 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona : But It's A Dry Heat Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything California : By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda Colorado : If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother Connecticut : Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It yet Delaware : We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water Florida : ASK US ABOUT OUR GRANDKIDS! Georgia : We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism Hawaii : Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money) Idaho : More Than Just Potatoes...Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good Illinois : Don't Pronounce the "S", or else. Indiana : 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free Iowa : We Do Amazing Things With Corn Kansas : First Of The Rectangle States Kentucky : Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster Maryland : If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It Massachusetts : Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets) Michigan : First Line Of Defense From The Canadians Minnesota : 10,000 Lakes...And almost 10,Trillion Mosquitoes Mississippi : Come And Feel Better About Your Own State Missouri : Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work Montana : Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Very Little Else Nebraska : Ask About Our State Motto Contest Nevada : Hookers and Poker! Well, it's a family state now, but we still have poker. New Hampshire : Go Away And Leave Us Alone New Jersey : You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here! New Mexico : Lizards Make Excellent Pets New York : You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney... North Carolina : Tobacco Is A Vegetable North Dakota : We Really Are One Of The 50 States! Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan Oklahoma : Like The Play, Only No Singing Oregon : Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner Pennsylvania : Cook With Coal Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island South Carolina : Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender South Dakota : Closer Than North Dakota Tennessee : The Educashun State Texas : Sí, Hablo Ingles Utah : Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus Vermont : Yep Virginia : Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix? Washington : We have more rain than you do More subscribers to the Dear Webby Humor letter than any other state. Washington , D.C. : Wanna Be Mayor? West Virginia : One Big Happy Family...Really! Wisconsin : Come Cut The Cheese Wyoming : Where women Are women...And The Sheep Are Scared _______________ If sombody has pictures of all. or most, of the state flags, I'll put together a page with these mottos and those flags.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Stacy Dianne Splawn, 38 Tried to poison hubby, when he refused a divorce Spartanburg County, South Carolina - Stacy Dianne Splawn, a 38-year-old Spartanburg County resident was was jailed Monday after she allegedly tried to poison her husband to death after he refused to grant her a divorce. According to the Spartanburg County Sheriff's Office, Splawn's husband met with police and reported that she had attempted to poison him by injecting him with succinylcholine, a paralyzing agent, after he refused to divorce her. Splawn's husband told detectives that he refused the divorce, reminding her that a marriage vow states "until death do us part." Splawn allegedly responded, stating "That will be sooner than you think." He told police that he found a medicine bottle and a syringe on Splawn's night stand and became concerned after reading the label. As a precaution, the husband filled the syringe with water and hid the medicine bottle. He also told police that she had stolen the medication from Mary Black Hospital, where she was recently fired from her position as a nurse. Later that night, the couple was in bed discussing their marital problems when Splawn realized that he had discovered and hid the succinylcholine. He told her that he filled the syringe with the medication, then threw the rest away. She then attempted to stick the syringe into him and inject him with what she thought was the paralyzing drug. He was able to get the syringe away from her, then ended the fight by agreeing to the divorce. Splawn was booked into jail and charged with criminal domestic violence. She was released after posting $3,500 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: DJ Re: Can't assign sounds in W7 I downloaded some sounds to use with the sounds that came with the computer so if you want you could attach a sound to a function.my problem is I can’t get them attached to the list of sounds.I have windows7,go to the control panel, click sounds,the function page opens and all I have are the sounds that windows installed.any clue’s? Dear DJ Control Panel Sound Sounds Highlight a sound that you want to change, for example "Default Beep" BROWSE browse to where you got your wavs stashed and select one I attached a dozen or so short ones, that you can use click TEST to listen to how it sounds click APPLY if you like it. Otherwise browse for a better one. All the ones I attached work fine. If you pick one, that is too long, it won't work. Have FUN! DearWebby
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At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for her and her husband. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together. "Sweetie," the woman replied, "I just spent ten days of 'quality time' in a compact car with this man. I know what I'm requesting."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Collect Water From Condensation Pipe We bought a rain barrel this year. I noticed our condensation pipe for the central air conditioning was spitting water so I put an 8-gallon can underneath the pipe and it fills itself in 24 hours. I pour this water in our rain barrel so we can reuse it. By waitress from Brick, NJ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bob used to be a salesman, but he got tired of his job, gave it up and became a policeman. Several months later, I asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, And soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy. I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother To the widow's grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother. Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She's my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild. For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!!
» Music for every ear





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Health Message 

As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a rat's ass. It's the tortoise life for me!

1. If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 5 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.
And you tell me to exercise? I don't think so.





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How to get rid of watch-related spam 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, March 5

Today in 
1558 Smoking tobacco introduced in Europe by Francisco Fernandes 
1616 Copernicus' "de Revolutionibus" placed on 
        Catholic Forbidden index. That was about the earth and planets
        revolving around the sun.
1623 1st American temperance law enacted, Virginia 
1766 Don Antonio de Ulloa takes possession of 
      Louisiana Territory from French 
1770 Boston Massacre, British troops kill 5 in crowd
1836 Mexico attacks Alamo 
1836 Samuel Colt manufactures 1st pistol, 34-caliber 
      "Texas" model 
1872 George Westinghouse Jr patents triple 
      air brake for trains 
1907 1st radio broadcast of a musical composition aired
1927 1,000 US marines land in China to protect 
      American property 
1933 Germany's Nazi Party wins majority in parliament
1934 Mother-in-law's day 1st celebrated 
1945 Allies bombs The Hague, Netherlands
1945 US 7th Army Corps captures Cologne 
1953 Josef Stalin's death announced 
1959 Iran & US sign economic & military treaty
1960 Elvis Presley ends 2-year hitch in US Army 
1970 Nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it. --- Russel Lynes Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. --- Voltaire "Adventure is not outside man; it is within." --- George Eliot (Mary Ann Evans)
When a couple arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car, they were told the keys had been locked in it. They went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As the wife watched from the passenger side, she instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," she announced to the mehanic, "it's open!" The mechanic said, "I know. I already got that side."
Copycat Recipes Cookbook Over 750 Secret Copycat Recipes From Your Favorite Restaurants. Easily Prepare the Most Guarded Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Kitchen. The same tastes and flavors for a fraction of the cost! Copy Cat Recipes Learn to cook the highly guarded secrets behind dishes from » Red Lobster » Applebee's » Chili's » Olive Garden » T.G.I. Fridays and yes, even » Outback Steakhouse get the Copycat Recipes Cookbook now!

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally, the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, this house wouldn't be here!" Just as upset, the wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here either."
You all have seen Durer's painting of praying hands, that he made early in the 1500's. Nan reminded me of some pictures of Durer's work I had taken a dozen years ago in the St Stephen's cathedral in Vienna. See that guy peeking out of a window below the stone pulpit? That is a self portrait of Durer, who made the pulpit. The cardinal and other figures above are the people, who commissioned and paid him to do that. Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Wayne Jones, 49 Tattooed for easy arrest Wayne Jones is so proud of his weightlifting prowess that he has an image of barbells and the number 400 tattooed on his abs, an apparent reference to how many pounds he can bench press. But Jones’ penchant for showing off that tattoo led to his arrest this week on charges he punched a teenager and robbed him of his smart phone in the Loop, police and prosecutors said Tuesday. Prosecutors said Jones, 49, approached the 18-year-old victim at about 8:30 p.m. Feb. 16 as he was walking in the 0-100 block of South State Street talking on his 4G smart phone. Jones initially asked to use the phone, but when the victim said it was out of batteries, he announced a robbery. “The defendant lifted up his shirt and shows him the tattoo,” Assistant State’s Attorney Erin Antonietti said in court. Jones said he was cut and could lay the victim out right now.” Jones then punched the victim in the face, took the cell phone and ran south on State Street, according to court records. Last week, police searched arrest reports for previous cases involving a defendant with a “400” tattoo and got a match on Jones. After the victim picked Jones out of a photo array, detectives drove him around areas where Jones had previously been arrested and he was spotted about 11 a.m. Monday standing in the 4600 block of North Clifton Avenue. The victim later picked Jones out of a police lineup, records show. Jones, of the 11400 block of South Forest Avenue, stands about 5 feet 7 and weighs 185 pounds, according to an arrest report. His criminal record includes a 1987 conviction for aggravated battery and robbery for which he was sentenced to 10 years in prison and a 1995 conviction for an attempted carjacking, records show. In 2009, he was sentenced to 4 years in prison for aggravated battery during a robbery of a downtown store. He also had been arrested for retail theft as recently as a week before the State Street incident, according to court records. Jones was ordered held Tuesday on $150,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Caroline Re: Control spam re watches Dear Webby How do you eliminate all that obnoxious spam about overpriced watches? About all it does is make me snicker, whenever I see somebody wearing one of them. I have a 30+ year old Timex, nice and flat and light-weight, and I have absolutely no intention of ever buying one of those heavy, gold plated cast iron watches, no matter how many yuppies lug them around. I get the same stupid ads to every one of my addresses There must be a way to stop them! Since you have never changed your addresses since the start of the internet, you must be getting a ton of that kind of spam. How do you stop it from driving you nuts? Thanks Caroline Dear Caroline I use MailWasher, and have used it for over a dozen years. In MailWasher I once made a filter, mostly with pull-down menus. If the Subject line OR the Body "contains Regular Expression" (that's a pull down choice) watchname1|watchname2|watchname3|watchname4|watchname5 (Those I typed in. I am not using the watch names here, since a lot of readers use the same filter) THEN dump the email automatically, without showing it in the list. That means, all those spams get murdered in the dark, unseen by any human, and sent straight to hell. I never see them, I just hear about them from people like you. Over the last dozen or so years I have made many filters like that. Whenever something starts to look like a bad habit, I click together a filter and forget about it. Try the free trial of MailWasher and since it is ridiculously cheap, get it like a good portion of the subscribers have done. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Dear Abby, What can I do about all the sex, nudity, fowl language and violence on my VCR? -------- FOWL language? Now THAT is rather serious!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Pet Hair with Washcloth Removing pet hair from any cloth surface is easy if you use a damp washcloth. Wipe cushions or clothing in one direction only and the hair will lift off. You can also try a damp sponge mop to remove pet hair from your carpets. Again wipe in one direction only and the hair will just pile up and can be easily picked up by hand. Source: Dog Fancy Magazine By Teri from Tionesta, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Shortly after returning home from a trip to Sea World in Florida, a friend went shopping for swimsuits with her children. When she emerged from the dressing room in a contrasting black-and-white suit, her four-year-old son, exclaimed his approval: "Oh, Mommy, that's perfect! You look just like Shamu!"
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Water Skiing In Asia 


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Merging mail from two different computers 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, March 4

Today in 
1792 Oranges were introduced to Hawaii 
1793 President Washington's 2nd inauguration, shortest 
          speech (133 words) 
1809 Madison becomes 1st President inaugurated in 
          American-made clothes 
1829 Unruly crowd mobs White House during President Jacksons 
         inaugural ball 
1924 "Happy Birthday To You" published by Claydon Sunny 
1936 1st flight of airship Hindenburg, Germany 
1944 1st of US daily bombing of Berlin 
1945 Finland switches sides and declares war on 
          practically defeated Germany

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
There was a horrible automobile crash and the driver of the car lay on the side of the road dying. A passerby said to him kindly, "Why don't you say a prayer?" "I don't know any," said the stricken man. "Haven't you had any contact with religion?" "As a boy we used to live next to a Catholic Church!" "That's it!" said the well-wisher. "Just repeat what you heard in the church!" "Okay," said the injured man. "Under the B: 10, Under the I: 25, Under the N: 14, Under the G: 12 Under the O: 9. BINGO!"
Copycat Recipes Cookbook Over 750 Secret Copycat Recipes From Your Favorite Restaurants. Easily Prepare the Most Guarded Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Kitchen. The same tastes and flavors for a fraction of the cost! Copy Cat Recipes Learn to cook the highly guarded secrets behind dishes from » Red Lobster » Applebee's » Chili's » Olive Garden » T.G.I. Fridays and yes, even » Outback Steakhouse get the Copycat Recipes Cookbook now!

An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith....
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Mathew Wong, 50 Tried to torch wife, set himself on fire Mathew Wong has been hospitalized in critical condition after police say he inadvertently set himself on fire while attempting to set fire to his estranged wife. Matthew Wong, apparently distraught with the state of his 25-year marriage, filled a couple of empty bleach bottles with gasoline and headed over to his wife’s residence, where he sat and waited for her to leave for work Monday morning. When the woman exited her apartment, police say Wong began chasing her around the complex, threatening to kill her while splashing her with gas, dousing himself in the process. An alert neighbor heard the commotion and grabbed 46-year-old Gloria Davis, pulling her into a nearby apartment. “I had to bring her up because she kind of fell,” said Capitola Scott. “She was so hysterical, so I grabbed her to bring her on up here.” Wong then allegedly doused the entryway and bushes surrounding the apartment where the woman was hiding, and screamed, “I’m gonna to kill you!” and flicked his Bic. “All the sudden I heard something say ‘woosh’ and flames just went up,” Scott recalled. That “woosh” sound she heard was Wong going up in flames. Neighbors quickly extinguished the flames, and an unconscious Wong was transported to the hospital. Davis, fortunately, was uninjured. A search of Wong’s vehicle revealed a gas can, gloves and a roll of tape. Deputies say a blanket was taped to the rear window, and black garbage bags covered both of the rear side windows.
Tech Support Pits: From: Maryann Re: Merging mail from different computers Dear Webby I replaced my old computer at year end, but kept using the old one for almost a month for mail. How can I pull that mail across to the new one without overwriting the mailboxes that I have there with the February stuff in it? I am using Eudora on both machines. It is still by far the best email program. Thanks Maryanne Dear Maryanne Go to the old machine and use your email program to rename the mailboxes that you want. For example rename "Recipes" to "Recipes-1". Then shut down the mail program on both machines and copy the Recipes-1" mailbox to the new computer, right beside where you find "Recipes". Just drag the two Recipes1 files over to the new machine. When you start up the mail program there, you will see both "Recipes" and "Recipes-1". Now you can just transfer the mails you want from one mailbox to another. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Bart in Alabama for this: On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill. Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go." Server: "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?" Me: "No, it's to go." At this point, I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny. Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back." He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation occurs between the two of them: Server: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?" Manager: "No. A what?" Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me." Manager: "Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill." Server: "Yeah, thought so." He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?" Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?" Server: "I don't know." Me: "See here where it says legal tender?" Server: "Yeah." Me: "So, why won't you take it?" Server: "Well, hang on a sec." He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have to take it." Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?" Server: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change." Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here." Server: "What should I do?" Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money." Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him." Manager: "Just tell him." Server: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in back." The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't take big bills this time of night." Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill." Manager: "We don't take those, either." Me: "Why not?" Manager: "I think you know why." Me: "No really ... tell me why." Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security." Me: "Excuse me?" Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security." Me: "What on earth for?" Manager: "Please, sir." Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them." Manager: "Would you please just leave?" Me: "No." Manager: "Fine -- have it your way then." Me: "Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?" At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45-year-oldish guy comes in. Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?" Manager (whispering): "This guy is trying to give me some ... (pause) funny money." Guard: "No kidding! What?" Manager: "Get this ... a two dollar bill." Guard (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?" Manager: "I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other thing he has is a fifty." Guard: "Oh, so the fifty's fake!" Manager: "No, the two dollar bill is." Guard: "Why would he fake a two dollar bill?" Manager: "I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?" Guard: "Yeah." Security Guard walks over to me and ... Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use." Me: "Uh, no." Guard: "Lemme see 'em." Me: "Why?" Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?" At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!" but I want to eat, so I say, "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two dollar bill." I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says, "Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?" Manager: "It's fake." Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me." Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill." Guard: "Yeah ... ?" Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?" The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot, and it dawns on the guy that he has no clue. So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too. Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see what happens when I try to buy stuff. --------------- Canada switched to $2 coins in 96. Unlike the $2 bills, which only lasted a year or two, the coins are expected to last 20 to 25 years. Right now they are switching them over to new hi-tech coins. The inner core will switch to aluminium bronze coated with multi-ply plated brass, and the outer ring will switch to steel coated with multi-ply plated nickel. As a result, the weight will drop from 7.30 to 6.92 grams. The folded steel produces a very distinct magnetic signature, that will be impossible to fake by counterfeiters, making the toonies even more popular with vending machine makers.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organize Coupons In Card Sheet Protectors I was having a hard time keeping up with my coupons. So a friend of mine bought me a binder for my birthday, and I bought a pack of baseball card holder sleeves and a pack of dividers. Now I am so organized it's scary. My son says what is scary is that I actually know what coupons I have! It's a race to see how many I can use before they expire. I also have a steno pad where I write down for each store what I will use with a coupon. Source: Money Saving Mom By Paula from Weldon Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Everybody keeps saying that women are smarter than men, but did you ever see a man wearing a shirt that buttons down the back?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Lisa reported for her final liberal arts examination, which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration took her purse out, removed a coin and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet, Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she was finished with the exam, whereas the rest of the class was sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she began to desperately throw the coin, mutter and sweat. The moderator was a little confused, so he approached her and asked what she was doing. She said, "I finished the exam in half an hour, so I thought I would go back and recheck my answers."
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Are cookies safe? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 3

Today in 1789 
Pennsylvania ends prohibition of theatrical performances 

1819 US passed its 1st immigration law

1836 Republic of Texas declares independence from Mexico

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. --- Niels Bohr Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week. --- Will Rogers
A married couple were having a disagreement while sitting in bed. The wife said to her husband, "You're impossible." To which the husband replied, "No. I'm next to impossible."
Copycat Recipes Cookbook Over 750 Secret Copycat Recipes From Your Favorite Restaurants. Easily Prepare the Most Guarded Restaurant Recipes in Your Own Kitchen. The same tastes and flavors for a fraction of the cost! Copy Cat Recipes Learn to cook the highly guarded secrets behind dishes from » Red Lobster » Applebee's » Chili's » Olive Garden » T.G.I. Fridays and yes, even » Outback Steakhouse get the Copycat Recipes Cookbook now!

The first auto mechanic I visited gave me an estimate on repairs for my car. "That sounds fine," I replied. "But I also intend to get an estimate from the mechanic down the street." "Well," the man replied, "I can't say anything against him. He's the best friend I've got." Surprised at the friendly competition, I got the second estimate. When I returned to the first repair shop, the mechanic greeted me with a smile. "He doubled my bid for labor, didn't he? I told you he's the best friend I've got."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Trevor Gladston Jr, 39 in Chamblee, DA Foiled bank robber busted after going back into bank to withdraw cash for getaway cab ride A dim-witted attempted bank robber wound up behind bars after a lack of cash forced him to return to the scene of the crime. Authorities said the suspect was arrested after coming back to the Chamblee, Georgia, Wells Fargo bank he tried to rob moments earlier to withdraw money for his cab fare. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported that Trevor Gladston Jr, 39, is accused of giving a bank teller a note that said: 'Give the money now or we start to shoot'. Police said he left without any money when the teller, protected by bullet-resistant glass, stepped back from her seat. Cops said Gladston then fled in the taxi. The taxi driver told cops that she picked Gladston up at the MARTA train station in Chamblee, and he asked her to go back there after coming out of the bank. But when they got to the MARTA station, the driver flagged down a transit police officer after becoming concerned that her passenger would skip out on his fare. Chamblee Police Chief Marc Johnson told Fox 5: 'He just convinced the guy that you need to get some money and pay it or you're gonna end up in trouble, so the perpetrator agreed to take the cab back to the bank'. Police said that the officer didn't know about the robbery attempt and talked Gladston into returning to the bank to get money for the cab ride. But when they got there, Gladston was arrested after bank employees recognised him as the man from the robbery attempt. He was booked on charges of attempted armed robbery and transferred Wednesday to the DeKalb County Jail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Olga Re: Are cookies safe now? Dear Webby Please settle an argument for us: Are cookies safe nowadays? I know that 15 years ago cookies stored all kinds of private data, that was available to any hacker, who got access to the machine. Is that still the case? Olga Dear Olga If you are a part time terrorist or into child porno, then cookies can contribute to messing up your career. However, if you are on the safe side of the law, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Today's cookies work FOR you. Actually, they have for quite a few years. For example, if you have an awkward rigmarole to get from your passworded sign-in to your bank statements, cookies can streamline that. Without the passworded sign-in, they are useless, but for YOU they get you where you normally go to. The same applies to shopping at any site. A cookie can remind the browser, along with it's history, and the site's shopping cart history, to get you to the department where you normally go to. There is no point in getting paranoid about a site remembering that you normally buy a certain type of wool, or a certain size of underwear. You are going to buy more of the same anyway, and as long as you don't become a terrorist, nobody but you benefits from the cookies. Let the cookies work for you! You also have to keep in mind, many sites DO require that you allow cookies. Most banks are set up that way. Also most phone companies and many electrical companies. The same goes for forums. They need the cookies to authenticate you, and to get you to the particular forum, that you normally go to. At my bank, for example, I can't get beyond the sign-in page if I don't allow cookies. They store the "Password OK" signal in a cookie, and that is my passport to get deeper into the site. If I go refill my coffee, that cookie expires and I have to sign in again. Cookies are also passports to temporary savings. If you go to a site, that has a onde day only special discount, but somehow get booted off or the site or your connection is too slow to complete the sale, the cookie will remember. It will act like a rain-check and will let you get the special discount. So don't worry about cookies. Enable them. Let them work FOR you. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Answer to the puzzle: "Nothing"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Collect Water From Condensation Pipe We bought a rain barrel this year. I noticed our condensation pipe for the central air conditioning was spitting water so I put an 8-gallon can underneath the pipe and it fills itself in 24 hours. I pour this water in our rain barrel so we can reuse it. By waitress from Brick, NJ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The sergeant takes Piet to a roadblock. He explains that there is a curfew on and everybody must be in their homes by seven. If he sees anyone on the streets after 7pm he must shoot them. At 5:30 the sergeant hears a shot and runs out to see what has happened. There stands Piet with a smoking rifle and a few hundred yards up the street lies a corpse. The sergeant does his nut - he rants and raves and shouts "Seven a bloody clock I said! It's only half past bloody five now!". "Calm down Sarge", says Piet, "I know this guy. I know where he lives. There is no way he would have made it home by seven."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
MORE Bulletin board bloopers: *Sermon Outline: I. Delineate your fear II. Disown your fear III. Displace your rear ___________________ *Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch. ___________________ *If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and drip in the collection basket. ___________________ *Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club. ___________________ *Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication. ___________________ *If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. ___________________ *We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. ___________________ *Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford." ___________________ *Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. ___________________ *Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight. ___________________ *Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. ___________________ *The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. ___________________ *The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church bard. ___________________ *As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. ___________________ *Fifth Sinday is Lent. ___________________ *Thank you dead friends. ___________________ *Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. ___________________ *Lent is that period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. ___________________ *Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits. ___________________ *For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. ___________________ *Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. ___________________ *Persons who are shut-in during bath weather can attend mass over the radio.. ___________________ *Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas. ___________________ *The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working...
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Are cookies safe now? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, March 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Today I got the results of the MUGA test. My left heart 
chamber works at 45% efficiency. 50% would be 
the theoretical maximum per chamber.

The next step is to wear a Holter monitor connected
to a dozen or so EKG contacts stuck to me. It is basically
a hard drive, that records eletrical activity of the heart,
instead of just displaying and forgetting it like an EKG
monitor. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators." --- Will Rogers
Thanks to Belinda for this one: I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex. We often took our breaks in the kitchen, and sometimes kindly visitors would give us some of the treats they had brought for patients. One night a woman brought a pork pie to the kitchen and said to me, "Would you eat this up, love?" Delighted at the offer, another student and I devoured every crumb. Soon our benefactor returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?"
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

On her way back from the concession stand, Nancy asked the man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a minute ago?" Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did." Nancy nodded. "Oh, good. Then this is my row."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sarah Walker, Shane Walker, and Robert Aucker (the dog's name is not known) Trio jailed after using Craigslist to find dog for sex Phoenix, Arizona (The Weekly Vice) - A married couple and the woman's open-marriage boyfriend were arrested Monday after they allegedly used Craigslist to find a dog for the woman to have sex with. Married couple Sarah Dae Walker, 33, and Shane Walker, 38 were jailed after they allegedly posted an ad on Craigslist looking for a dog that Sarah Walker could have sex with. Police also arrested 29-year-old Robert Aucker, who is Sarah Walker's extra-marital partner. According to the Maricopa County Sheriff's office, all three subjects admitted to using Craigslist to find a dog for Sarah to have sexual intercourse with while the two males watched. Investigators say the trio drove to a prearranged location where the alleged sexual encounter was set to take place. The suspects didn't know, however, that they had been talking to an undercover officer who pretended to be the dog's owner. Aucker told deputies that he and Mrs. Walker had been involved in a sexual relationship for about a month when Sarah told him she had a desire to have sex with a dog. Sarah and Shane Walker emailed back and forth with detectives for three weeks, discussing the encounter and making arrangements. All three suspects were booked into the Maricopa County Jail and charged with conspiracy to commit bestiality.
Tech Support Pits: From: Olga Re: Are cookies safe now? Dear Webby Please settle an argument for us: Are cookies safe nowadays? I know that 15 years ago cookies stored all kinds of private data, that was available to any hacker, who got access to the machine. Is that still the case? Olga Dear Olga If you are a part time terrorist or into child porno, then cookies can contribute to messing up your career. However, if you are on the safe side of the law, then you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Today's cookies work FOR you. Actually, they have for quite a few years. For example, if you have an awkward rigmarole to get from your passworded sign-in to your bank statements, cookies can streamline that. Without the passworded sign-in, they are useless, but for YOU they get you where you normally go to. The same applies to shopping at any site. A cookie can remind the browser, along with it's history, and the site's shopping cart history, to get you to the department where you normally go to. There is no point in getting paranoid about a site remembering that you normally buy a certain type of wool, or a certain size of underwear. You are going to buy more of the same anyway, and as long as you don't become a terrorist, nobody but you benefits from the cookies. Let the cookies work for you! You also have to keep in mind, many sites DO require that you allow cookies. Most banks are set up that way. Also most phone companies and many electrical companies. The same goes for forums. They need the cookies to authenticate you, and to get you to the particular forum, that you normally go to. At my bank, for example, I can't get beyond the sign-in page if I don't allow cookies. They store the "Password OK" signal in a cookie, and that is my passport to get deeper into the site. If I go refill my coffee, that cookie expires and I have to sign in again. Cookies are also passports to temporary savings. If you go to a site, that has a onde day only special discount, but somehow get booted off or the site or your connection is too slow to complete the sale, the cookie will remember. It will act like a rain-check and will let you get the special discount. So don't worry about cookies. Enable them. Let them work FOR you. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to John for this: Can you answer all seven of the following questions with the same word? 1. The word has seven letters.... 2. Preceded God... 3. Greater than God... 4. More Evil than the devil... 5. All poor people have it... 6. Wealthy people need it.... 7. If you eat it, you will die. Answer tomorrow.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rolodex for Genealogy Research Use a Rolodex for organizing family history or genealogy. Each card will have one ancestor on it, with the basic information listed to save time when doing a search. This idea also works for quick reference for doctors, attorneys and address with billing info on them. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO 30 years ago I would have agreed. But then came computers and spreadsheets. Spreadsheets have lightning fast searches, and you can have cross-links from any cell to any other cells. Nowadays spreadsheets are 3-dimensional. Think of them as a tall stack of spreadsheets. You can have links "drilling down" through the stack, or have detail info about Ugly Mugly, one of my ancestors in the stone age, buried in a layer deep down, but linked to a cell in the cover sheet. You hit that link, and the details pop up. Spreadsheets also do any type of calculation you want. You can do time lines and instantly see that great-aunt Bernice could not have been messing around with Napoleon. Each spot on the time line can link to details hidden in deeper layers. Another benefit of spreadsheets is that you can upload them, download them into another computer and continue there, or email a layer to somebody, to fill in details about the Kentucky branch of your ancestors. It will take you an evening of playing to get used to spreadsheets, and years later, you will still find "Easter Eggs" and tricks, you had not even dreamed off. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked - "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?" "Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied. "What stopped him?" "I started talking about my next husband."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An effusive client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. She loved them so much, she couldn't keep from remarking about their cute habits. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I never realized they had to be baptized."
» Olive Oil





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Firewall not good enough 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, March 1

Got the MUGA test behind me. The name of the radioactive
stuff, that they injected into my veins is called Technium 99.
It didn't seem to bother me, except that most of the nurses
backed away from me. I told them that the glow was just 
from my halo, but I don't think they believed me.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?' --- Don Marquis Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does. --- Evan Esar Nine out of ten people who change their minds are wrong the second time too. --- Socratex It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm. --- Sam Levenson
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!"
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't?" she asked.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kerie Ann Labor, 24, of Towanda, PA Towanda woman charged with escape Kerie Ann Labor, 24, of Towanda, who is an inmate at the Bradford Correctional Facility, has been charged with escape and criminal trespass, police said. The charges stem from an incident that occurred on Friday, when Labor, who is on work release, failed to report to the jail at 5 p.m., police said. While police were searching for Labor, she broke into a 49-year-old man's residence on Old Plank Road in Towanda Township. Labor gained access to the residence through a basement window, police said. After entering the residence, Labor partially undressed and walked upstairs without any pants on, where she encountered the homeowner, who did not know her, police said. Apparently the home owner was not impressed and held her for police. Labor was then taken into custody and incarcerated at the jail, state police at Towanda said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Richard Re: Zone Alarm Firewall Dear Webby You've been so helpful in the past. I was convinced by yahoo DSL to download Zone Alarm Firewall. My USB ports were fine and I could download my dig cam photos w/o problem. Immediately after installing ZA and rebooting, i was unable to download photos and device mgr says USB controller is !! and needs driver. I used MB disc, winxppro disc and photo disc, none has a driver that will fix this. I uninstalled ZA before trying all three discs. any ideas? regards richard Dear Richard I have always used McAfee firewall and have zero experience with any hassles like that. I never had a problem connecting to a camera, and occasionally even used the computer to control the camera interactively. Apparently McAfee knows the difference between a camera under the computer's control versus a hacker out on the net who is not under it's control. You definitely need a good firewall when being connected live on the Yahoo LAN. That's what Yahoo DSL is about. All the other Yahoos see you as just another machine on their LAN. I would highly recommend that you get the best firewall that you can afford. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Little Johnny answered. The teacher smiled and said, "I'd like to talk to your mother or father." Little Johnny said, "Sorry, but they ain't here." "Little Johnny!" she said, "what is it with your grammar?" Little Johnny said, "Beats me, but dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Inside of Tin Foil When Baking Before you cover your baking items with foil, spray the side of the foil that touches the food with non-stick cooking spray. No more sticking to the foil and no more ruining your pretty dish. By cschatz from Springville, AL Because the "non-stick cooking spray" is so ridiculously overpriced, I use a pistol grip sprayer filled with olive oil. Not only is that much healthier than the weird oil they use in those arosol cans, it is a LOT cheaper. A quick squirt at a time does not seem to lower the level in the sprayer at all. You may have to experiment with different sprayers, to get one, that produces a fine, even spray. I have used an Amway sprayer since the 80's, and probably get another 30 years out of it. Don't keep it in the fridge. Olive oil does not seem to go bad when sitting on the rear control console of the stove, and sprays more evenly, when it is warm. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Miranda likes to sing, and whenever she begins, her husband heads outside. Hurt, she asked him, "Don't you like my singing?" "Of course, dear," he replied. "I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Why do golf courses have 18 holes - not 20, or 10, or an even dozen? During a discussion among the club's membership board at St. Andrews in 1858, a senior member pointed out that it takes exactly 18 shots to polish off a fifth of Scotch. By limiting himself to only one shot of Scotch per hole, the Scot figured a round of golf was finished when the Scotch ran out.
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Here's Your Degree 

A grandmother was pushing her grandchild around Wal-Mart in a buggy.

Each time she put something in the basket, she would say, "And here's something for you, Degree" or, "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Degree" and so on.

Eventually, a bewildered shopper who had heard all this, finally asked, "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Degree?"

The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to college and this is what she came home with!"




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How to get rid of the paperclip 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, February 29

In a few hours I will be taking off for Calgary. 
Barely worth going to bed, but I'll try.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. --- Doctor Who Why do writers write? Because it isn't there. --- Thomas Berger That all men are equal is a proposition which, at ordinary times, no sane individual has ever given his assent. --- Aldous Huxley
Thanks to Irene for this: While my third-grade class was completing a writing exercise, one of the students asked me how to spell "piranha." I told him I was unsure. To my delight, he went to the dictionary to solve his problem. That's when I overheard another pupil say to him, "Why bother to look it up? She doesn't know how to spell it anyway."
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phoney $18 bills would be in some small hick Southern town. So he got into his new wheels and off he went. He found a tiny town with a single store. He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Can you change this for me, please?" he said. The store clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time, then smiled and told the man, "Sure, Mister. Ya'll want 2 nines, or 3 sixes?
Click through for the large version. A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you'd look trying to milk a bicycle!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Shantel Parker, 35, in Laurelville, Ohio Jailed after injecting teen daughters with heroin before sending them to school Laurelville, Ohio (The Weekly Vice) - Shantel Parker, a 35-year-old Laurelville woman was jailed Friday after she allegedly injected her children with heroin, then sent them off to school. According to the Hocking County Sheriff's Office, Parker reportedly gave her daughters, ages 14 and 16, heroin and various other illegal drugs at least 50 times since December 2011. An investigation began after a witness from the school called police and reported that children appeared to be under the influence of certain drugs. Investigators say detectives searched Parker's residence and recovered evidence related to the case. Parker was not at home during the search, but was arrested a short time later. She was apprehended without incident in the lobby at a local hospital after an officer recognized her. Her children are now in the care of Hocking County Children Services. Parker was booked into jail and charged with two counts of felonious assault, two counts of corrupting another with drugs and two counts of endangering children.
Tech Support Pits: From: Lee Re: Get rid of that @#$% paperclip! Dear Webby Some people think Obama is the most hated and the one most people would love to send to hell. I bet you the stupid paperclip, that is playing nuisance in Office programs is hated by more people. How do we get rid of it? Lee Dear Lee Look in the folders where your office programs are, for a file called "Actors". Rename that file to anything different. That will disable the paperclip. Keep in mind, you are dealing with Microsoft programs. That means, this trick will work in most, but probably not all versions of Microsoft office. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany. He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made. When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth. So Moisha explained. "We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth." The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?" Moisha then said "Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food. The customs official slapped his head and then said, "You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?" "Vell to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham sandwich."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Quilt From Old Sweatshirts Sweatshirts can be recycled to make good quilts. They are warm enough that just a backing rather than adding batting may be sufficiently warm if a lightweight quilt is desired. I often alternate sweatshirt materials with jean material. At a thrift store look for 2X and 3X sizes as they have a lot of material in them. You might want to cut around lettering and pictures on the shirts. I prefer buying plain shirts if I can find them. By halstein from Valley City, ND Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An extremely shy fellow once brought his date a bouquet of flowers. She threw her arms around him and kissed him long and hard. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. She exclaimed, "Oh! I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'm just going to run to the the cemetery to get more flowers!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: - religion - royalty - sex - mystery The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"
» Street Art





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Turn off grid alingment for icons in W7 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, February 28

Ezinefinder seems to be working again!

Wednesday I have to make a trip to Calgary for a "MUGA" test.
It is only 60 miles and the weather is supposed to be nice.

For that test, you sit on a bench in a hallway for 45 minutes, 
Then they give you one of those thilly open back gowns
and you have to lie down on some high bed for 45 minutes,
Or longer. Then they shoot you up with some dye and you
have to wait some more. 

Eventually they strap you into some big machine, pull your 
arms way up and back and lock you in that position. Then
they adjust the machine, which looks like an MRI machine 
with all parts hydraulicly adjustable. When they got it just 
right, a buzzer sounds and everybody runs away, as if they
expect the contraption to blow up.

After about 45 minutes in that uncomfortable position, 
they cautiously come back, drive the parts of the machine 
closest to you out of the way and drive it back, so that 
they can untie you and let you get up.

Then you get your shirt and jacket back, and a voucher for
the parking lot. Eventually you will then find out what 
percentage of optimal your heart works at.

If they explained what all the different parts of that huge 
machinery do, it would probably be quite interesting!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Drama is life with the dull bits cut out. --- Alfred Hitchcock You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy
Thanks to David for this one: I thought of your column when I saw this: The Longest Password We laugh -- but her I.D. is safe. During a recent password audit by Google, it was found that someone was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento" When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said: "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital." David in Minneapolis
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, had dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children." The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4 inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children." The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
Thanks to Sandie for these pictures: Click through for the large version. Sandie had lost all her investments and savings in the crash. They were supposed to pay for taxes, insurance, mortgage and utilities, until she dies. Without them, she could not afford to keep her beautiful house in Cape Coral, and had to rush to sell it, before it got foreclosed. You have seen pictures of her orchids and birds of paradise, herons, hawks and her boat lift over the years. Typical Cape Coral, her house had a street in front and canal in the back. These pictures are of Mike and Lou Ann, neighbors down the street carting away Sandie's last orchid shortly before Sandie left.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Some guy, in Fort Myers, FL Teen finds naked burglar in kitchen stealing rum FORT MYERS, Fla. -- A 14-year-old girl discovered a naked man in her kitchen stealing a bottle of Captain Morgan from the pantry Wednesday, deputies said. The girl told Lee County sheriff’s deputies she was at her home in the 6700 block of Magnolia Lane, Fort Myers, when she heard someone in the kitchen. According to Lee arrest reports, she left her bedroom, went to the kitchen, and found a 47-year-old man from Eustis naked and bent over in the pantry taking a bottle of Captain Morgan Spiced Rum. Terrified, she ran back to her room where she heard him use the telephone before leaving the house. The girl’s father told deputies he was doing yard work out back when his daughter informed him there was someone in the house. Reports say the father found the man naked in his front yard. A neighbor was inside his home when his dogs began barking. According to reports, the neighbor saw the guy in the front yard and retrieved his gun. Once outside, he saw him naked in the neighbor’s front yard and detained him at gunpoint until deputies arrived. He is facing charges of burglary of an occupied dwelling and petit theft.
Tech Support Pits: From: Amy Re: Move icons unrestricted in W7 Dear Webby How do I fix it, so that I can move icons in W7 to exactly where I want them, not just to where some tyrant at Microsoft wants to put them. Thanks Amy Dear Amy To disable "align to grid", and let your desktop icons be freely moved around without alignment: Right-click on an empty area of the desktop (between two icons, not on an icon) From the desktop's context menu, choose "View" The View submenu displays a checkmark next to "Align icons to grid". take that checkmark off. Now you can put the icons where YOU want them to be. Unfortunately "Align to Microsoft's dumb and tasteless idea of icon arrangement" is the default in W7, and if you accidentally bump your mouse, while you replace the battery, or do any of the myriad things, that give W7 an excuse to revert to default, then they use that as an excuse to mess up your arrangement and trump it with theirs. So, if your icons are not where they are supposed to be, check that thilly "Align to grid" setting. A sneaky trick to get YOUR arrangement back is to use "Save My Desktop", a free little program in my Tool Box. Click that after installing new programs or shortcuts or re-arranging your desktop. One click restores it to THAT arrangement, after Windows has messed it up. Have FUN! DearWebby
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An off duty police officer was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash. Astounded that he had been caught speeding when he was doing the speed limit, he turned around and, going even slower, he passed by the camera. Again, he saw it flash. He couldn't believe it! So he turned and, going a snail's pace, he passed the camera. AGAIN, he saw the camera flash. He guessed it must have a fault, and home he went. A week later he received 3 traffic fines in the mail, all for not wearing a seatbelt.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Linseed Oil to Treat Garden Handles Rub the handles of of pitchforks and shovels once in awhile with a rag dipped in linseed oil. You'll find the shafts both last longer and are much more pleasant to use. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Edwina for this one: A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride called her mother. "So," said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?" "Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic... " Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. Things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MAMA!" "Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?" "Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed-they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE !!! "Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!" Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like: Dust, Wash, Iron, Cook...."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A manager is told by his doctor that he has to take up some sport, so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he's doing. "It's going fine", the manager says, "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!". "Really? What happens then?", the girl asks enthusiastically Then my body says: "Huh ? Who, me ??? You gotta be kidding!"
» Elk saves marmot





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Cleaning with compressed air or vacuum ? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, February 27

The US hs definitely failed to get the point across to the
Afghans about who won the war. Unarmed advisors are
getting shot, and Obama is kowtowing and bowing and 
apologizing all over the place. 

Next the ACLU is going to help Al Quaeda sue the 
US Government.

It sure was a lot different in post-WWII Europe!
The Allies didn't just burn books, they burned the houses,
in which a banned book was found. And anybody who
attempted arguing about who writes and re-writes history,
got disappeared.

By 1955 people had accepted Hollywood's version of 
history, and have behaved quite nicely ever since.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. --- Samuel Johnson You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. --- Michael Pritchard
It was "sharing time" in a kindergarten full of bright children. The teacher was presiding over a discussion about the children's parents. One child said, "Well, my mother's a Catholic and my father's Jewish." "Oh, wow!" said another. "So what do you believe?" "I believe in everything," said the first child. "What do you mean 'everything'?" asked another child. "Well, you know," said the first child, "Jesus Christ, Moses, Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Boogey Man, everything."
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

The teacher noticed that Al had been daydreaming for a long time. She decided to get his attention. "Al," she said, "If the world is 25,000 miles around and eggs are sixty cents a dozen, how old am I? "Thirty-four," Al answered unhesitatingly. The teacher replied "Well, that's very close. Tell me...how did you guess?" "Oh, there's nothing to it," Al said. "My big sister is seventeen and she's only half as crazy."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Cedrick Mitchell, Bradenton, FL Armed robber drops gun, returns to buy it for $40 BRADENTON A man was arrested early Thursday after he tried to rob two men in a motel room, dropping his gun and later returning to buy back his own firearm, Bradenton police said. At about 12:30 a.m., Cedrick Mitchell, 39, barged into a room at the Royal Motel, 1526 14th St. W. He asked the two men inside for pills. When they said they had none, Mitchell pulled out a black handgun from his waistband and demanded “everything you got,” said Bradenton police Capt. Warren Merriman. The men began to fight. During the scuffle, Mitchell dropped his gun and one of the victims pepper sprayed him in the face. Mitchell ran away. But moments later, he was back at the motel room and begged the two men to buy his gun back for $40, Merriman said. Mitchell was pepper sprayed in the face again and ran away. The men called 911. One of the officers at the scene spotted Mitchell, who ran away again. Officers chased him and he was arrested, Merriman said. Mitchell was booked into the Manatee County jail and is being held on no bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Rose Re: Clean with compressed air or vacuum Dear Webby What is better for cleaning keyboards and computers, cans of compressed air or vacuum cleaner? Rose Dear Rose Cans of compressed air are good for people who sell them. A vaccumm cleaner is the better choice for all computer related items. Instead of blowing dirt into even harder to reach places, a vaccum gets rid of it. And no kid has ever died from using a vacuum cleaner, but every year a dozen or so die from "huffing" compressed air. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Mike's name is Mike.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Linseed Oil to Remove Road Tar Road tar and asphalt which splatters up and sticks to an automobile is almost impossible to remove. That is, unless you first saturate the spots with linseed oil. Allow the oil to soften the tar for a few minutes and you'll find that the grime rubs right off with a piece of coarse cloth. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO If you can't find linseed oil, use WD40 Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My sister has the courage, but not always the skills, to tackle any home repair project. For example, in her garage are pieces of a lawnmower she once tried to fix. So I wasn't surprised the day my other sister, Pam, and I found our sister attacking her vacuum cleaner with a screwdriver. "I can't get this thing to cooperate," she explained when she saw us. Pam suggested, "Why don't you drag it out to the garage and show it what you did to the lawnmower?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Rosy for this one: Having moved into his first apartment, our son invited my husband and me for a visit. As we walked in, our son asked if we'd like a cold drink. Mentally patting myself on the back for teaching him to be such a gracious host, I said, "Yes, please, what do you have?" He walked over to the refrigerator, opened the door, studied the contents, and replied, "I have pickle juice or water."
» Oldies Television Shows





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Blue pictures 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, February 26

-14 and a light blizzard outside. That is actually not 
too bad for late February. Spring will be here soon
enough.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. --- Robert Heinlein Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at. --- Jimmy Demaret
A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with her lack of willpower, and how she knew her husband would be ribbing her. Everyone commiserated, until someone asked what her husband said when he found out. She smiled. "He never found out. I made another cake and ate half!"
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

Thanks to Mary for this one: Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents' occupations. The teacher pulled me aside. Whispering, she advised, "You might want to explain a little bit more to your daughter what you do for a living." I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars in motel conference rooms. When I asked why, the teacher explained, "Your daughter told the class she wasn't sure what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went to work at motels."
Re yesterday's picture, Caro told me that they are Golden haired blue faced snubnosed monkeys from Southern China. Thanks Caro! Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Miguel Flores, 29 Lee County, FL Miguel Flores Invented A New Mating Call Lee County, Florida (The Weekly Vice) - Miguel Angel Rivera Flores, a 29-year-old illegal immigrant was jailed Monday after he allegedly made animal noises to attract women and children to him, then masturbated on the beach in front of them. According to the Lee County Sheriff's Office, Flores was apprehended after he reportedly hid behind some bushes on Bonita Beach, then made unknown animal noises to attract females. When the women got close to him, he stepped out from behind the bushes and masturbated in front of them. One of the victims called police and provided a detailed description of Flores. When officers arrived on the scene, they saw Flores attempting to flee on a bicycle. Investigators also believe Flores had masturbated near the women's shower area after his feet matched a set of footprints found in the area where the showers were located. Flores is also suspected of masturbating behind an abandoned house near the beach. He was booked into jail and charged with prowling, loitering, fraud-impersonation, and using fictitious personal identification information. He was released after posting bond on Tuesday
Tech Support Pits: From: Jannet Re: Blue Pictures Dear Webby Sometimes my pictures have a definite bluish green shift. It makes people look like a pizza is going to re-visit the visible world, and clothes look odd. What causes that, and how can I fix pictures that already suffer from that? I have PSP, like you recommended. Jannet Dear Jannet The cause is usually low battery or a cold camera. The fix is to shift the colors. ALT C A R (Or mouse to Color, Adjust, Red-Green-Blue) In there you see two pictures. The right picture is the edited version. Below that are three fields where you can adjust the red green and blue colors. Crank the red to about +12 to +15, the green to + 3. and the blue to -5 You will see how the picture warms up and looks more like it should. Click on the eye icon to preview the picture. It might be OK already, or you might need to do some more tweaking. When it looks right, click OK, and it's done. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Mike's parents have four children. Their names are Penny, Dime and Quarter. What is the fourth child's name? Answer tomorrow
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organize Coupons In Card Sheet Protectors I was having a hard time keeping up with my coupons. So a friend of mine bought me a binder for my birthday, and I bought a pack of baseball card holder sleeves and a pack of dividers. Now I am so organized it's scary. My son says what is scary is that I actually know what coupons I have! It's a race to see how many I can use before they expire. I also have a steno pad where I write down for each store what I will use with a coupon. Source: Money Saving Mom By Paula from Weldon Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Three churches in town were overrun with squirrels. After much prayer, the elders of the first church determined that the animals were predestined to be there. Who were they to interfere with God's will? They did nothing, and the squirrels multiplied. The elders of the second church, deciding that they could not harm any of God's creatures, humanely trapped the squirrels and then set them free outside of town. Three days later the squirrels were back. It was only the third church that succeeded in keeping the squirrels away. The elders of this church simply baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now, they only see the squirrels on Christmas and Easter.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A well dressed lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight, embarrassed and red faced, sure that everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop that!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says, "Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?"
» Snow Shoe Art





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Bank or phishing? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, February 25

This time they put 12 drops of dilator into my eyes,
so that there was no iris left, just pupil. That must be
quite onvenient for the staff there. Each staffer rushed
me through a different test and told me to go to the next 
waiting room. They did not answer questions and did
not listen. For example, on the vision test, where I had 
to read the letters on the wall, I told her that the biggest 
problem was with short distance, not the long distance,
that she was testing. She just grunted. 
And then put 12 drops of dilater stuff into my eyes.
Normally they just give you 4 or six drops, but maybe 
she lost count and had to start over again.

The actual doctor put on a very brief appearance and 
injected a few drops of Avastin into my left eye and 
told me its either those $75 per eye monthly injections 
or else I go blind.

When pressed to tell me what I really am afflicted with, 
while he tried to rush on to the next patient, he told me 
it is "Diabetic Macular Edema", and that I could look it 
up and read up on it myself. 

It looked like they "process" about 50 patients per hour,
so naturally, he could not spend any time explaining 
anything.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. --- Henry David Thoreau "You only find out who is swimming naked when the tide goes out." --- Warren Buffett Teenagers should move out earlier, while they still know it all. --- Socratex Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it. --- Don Herold
One night, a lady stumbled into the police station with a black eye. She claimed she heard a noise in her back yard and went to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the eye and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned 1-1/2 hours later with a black eye. "Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked. "No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

Thanks to Amy for this: Planning a weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and grocery shopping. As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take to lunch asked if we could make it that Friday. So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went and picked her up. As she settled into the car, her face dropped. "Thanks a lot!" she sulked. Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the Turkey."
Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Meredith Lowell, 27 in Cleveland, Ohio Two drivers get DUI in same car An attempt by two men to fool police early Monday by switching seats after an accident ended with both of them being cited for drunken driving, police say. When Lincoln police arrived at 98th Street and Pine Lake Road at about 3 a.m., Shawn Walker was in the driver's seat of a 1996 Pontiac Grand Am stuck in the mud. Before the officer got to the car , passenger Daniel Krupicka switched seats and said he had been driving, Officer Katie Flood said. Police said Walker, 21, was driving the Grand Am at about 50 mph westbound on Pine Lake Road and didn't realize there was a roundabout at the 98th Street intersection. He drove through the center of the roundabout, across the pavement and into the mud on the northwest corner, Flood said. Walker was released after being cited for negligent driving and drunken driving. Krupicka, 21, who, police say, tried to drive the car out of the mud, was released after being cited for no seat belt and drunken driving, Flood said. Krupicka's blood alcohol content tested at .123 percent and Walker's at .218, Flood said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Rhonda Re: Phishing Dear Webby Is it true that some of those phishing sites can steal your passwords and bank information even if you don't click on anything ? Rhonda Dear Rhonda Yes, if you don't use MailWasher. In MailWasher you see both the phoney cover address and the actual underlying address. In your email program you just see the cover address, for example http://mybank.com/login not the underlying address, which could be some long url including a call to a php or asp script. In Mailwasher you see both and see how phony it is, BEFORE you download the dangerous part. You simply chekmark it for deleting, if MailWasher hasn't already done it. Then you look for a pattern. Is there anything in the shown top few lines, that you have seen in similar emails.Once you spot a pattern, you can make a filter that will nuke that type of email without even showing it in the list. If you don't have MailWasher, be extremely careful with mail that pretends to be from ANY bank. Just opening, without actually clicking on anything in some of those mails, will start a script that will install a tiny trojan that will later call for the rest of the program to harvest your computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"How was your game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered. "But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" "But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack. "But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out. The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. "Yup," Scott answered. "Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. "I forgot."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an Empty Can as a Utensil Holder When Cooking Here is what I use to prevent spilled mess on my counter when I am cooking. I usually use more than one utensil when I am cooking but never know where to place them during the cooking time as I am still using them. Well, since I usually use some type of canned goods with all my meals, I came up with the following idea. I rinse the can that I used, then I use it as a utensil holder while I am cooking. Once I am done cooking, I place the utensils in the sink, rinse the can again and recycle it. So it's kinda like recycling it twice. The bonus is that it saves a mess to clean off my counter or a plate. By tomnsaby from Albuquerque, NM I use a long, narrow pyrex casserole for that. It is heavy enough, so that it does not get knocked over accidentally. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man was in the hospital recovering from an operation when a nun walked into his room. She was there to cheer up the sick and ailing. The man and nun started talking and she asked about his life. He talked about his wife and 13 children. "My, my," said the nun, "13 children....you're a good, proper Catholic family. The Lord is very proud of you!" "I'm sorry, Sister," he said, "I am not Catholic. I'm Jewish." "Jewish!?" she replies. "Hmmm....you're a sex maniac, aren't you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Grampa was telling his youngest grandson abuot his terrifying experience with cannibals. "There I was, lost in the middle of the jungle, surrounded by twenty hungry cannibals." His grandson objected: "But last time you told me, there were only ten hungry cannibals." To which grampa answered, "Ah, but you were too young then to know the whole horrible truth!"
» Coming to a Sky Near You: Jupiter, Moon & Venus:





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Naked directory listing 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, February 23

Today I have to make another trip into Calgary for another 
eye exam and injection. If you don't see a Friday issue,
it will be because my vision has not recovered sufficiently.

Don't worry, I have not been kidnapped by a sexy subscriber
and hauled away to her secret castle or motel room,
even though, with my impaired vision, I would not be able 
to tell the difference between a castle and a motel,
as long as she is cuddly and the Internet connection is fast.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office." --- George Bernard Shaw Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. --- Leo Tolstoy
Overheard at the bus stop - Coed A: "My roommate hogs the TV!" - Coed B: "My roommate keeps borrowing my makeup without asking!" - Coed C: "My roommate keeps stealing my boyfriends before I'm done using them!"
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

David filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. "Great," David thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better because it locks ..."
Thanks to Lillemor for these Camelias: Click through for the large version. Our yard is full of blooms.Feel so Blessed knowing most people are fighting snow storms. Lillemor
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Meredith Lowell, 27 in Cleveland, Ohio Pervert caught trying to solicit murder of a random fur wearing person. Cleveland, OH (The Weekly Vice) - Meredith Lowell, a 27-year old Ohio woman was jailed after she tried to hire a hit man to kill any random person found to be wearing animal fur. According to FBI agents, Lowell spent months trying to solicit a hit man through Facebook, with the intention of killing a random person who was caught wearing fur clothing. Undercover officers began communicating with Lowell through Facebook In November after being alerted to the alleged plot. Investigators say Lowell posted a request on Facebook which stated "I would like to create an online community on facebook which would allow me to find someone who is willing to kill someone wearing fur toward the end of October 2011 or early November 2011 or possibly in January 2012 or February 2012 at the latest." Lowell, using the alias Anne Lowery, allegedly wrote that she would be willing to pay up to $850 to anyone willing to carry out the deed. She referred to the act as a "hit, a demonstration and a protest." During email exchanges between Lowell and FBI agents, Lowell reportedly stated that she wanted to be present when the murder occurred, so that she could begin handing out animal rights "papers" at the scene. She also stated that murdering a 12 year old child would be "fine" but that she would prefer the victim to be at least 14 if possible. Lowell offered the undercover agent $730 in jewelry to complete the "hit" while providing detailed explanations about how she wanted murder to be performed. "You need to bring a gun that has a silencer on it and that can be easily concealed in your pants pocket or coat. If you do not want to risk the possibility of getting caught with a gun before the job, bring a sharp knife that is (at least) 4-inches long, it should be sharp enough to stab someone and/or slit their throat to kill them. I want the person to be dead in less than two minutes," stated Lowell during another email exchange. Lowell was booked into jail and charged with solicitation to commit murder.
Tech Support Pits: From: Angie Re: Avoid naked directory listing Dear Webby How do I hide the raw directory listing that shows up on folders on my site that have only pictures in them? Angie Dear Angie Just upload any page that is named "index.html". Then that page will be the default page and show. It can be a blank page or have anything you want on it, as long as it is named index.html. When you DO want the file listing to be shown temporarily, rename the index.html to 1index.html. Have FUN! DearWebby
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From Doris: My husband's uncle thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and, also, their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Box Building Blocks When some of us were young we played with "brick" blocks that were made of cardboard. They were large, sturdy, and stack-able and took a lot of abuse. The boxes from juice pouches that are popular now, such as Capri-Sun are just the same size and about as strong. Stuff them with news paper, tape them tightly shut, cover them with what you choose. I have used cloth, brick patterned contact paper, tissue paper and glue - you name it! They are a great frugal replacement for the hard to find, expensive, real thing. By Margaret from Cullowhee NC You can buy a 2 inch thick 2 foot by 8 foot sheet of styrofoam quite cheaply, or get leftover scraps on construction sites. Workers get quite cheerful when you offer to clean up the scraps and haul them away. You can mark a standard block size on them and cut them with any saw, even a bread knife. Also make a few door and window arches, and maybe some balconies. The main advantage of using styrofoam is that it is light weight and soft. When thrown it does not cause any damage or injuries. You can paint styrofoam with water colors or any leftover cheap paint. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed near a local gas station. On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of him. "Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" he asked. "No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds. "It stands for 'Unleaded Fuel Only.' "
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip. Three one way."
» Parrots Galore





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How we change from the first baby to later ones 

Names
First Child:
Your name was inspired by a woman of royalty. She was loved by millions.
Second Child:
Your name was inspired by a beloved member of the family. Everyone loved her.
Third Child:
Your name was inspired by my favorite professional wrestler, Hulk Hogan. He could beat the crap out of anybody.

Holding the new baby
First Child:
We're the only ones who can hold her.
Second Child:
You can hold her, but you have to wash your hands first.
Third Child:
Someone please hold this kid for me!


Food and Feeding
First Child:
I will feed you only pesticide-free organic foods that I've prepared by hand in a carefully-sanitized kitchen.
Second Child:
I will feed you baby foods from a jar that don't have preservatives or additives.
Third Child:
Do you want corn dogs or chili dogs for breakfast?

Safety
First Child:
Don't run in the house. You could fall and hurt yourself.
Second Child:
Don't run with scissors.
Third Child:
Don't play with Daddy's good chainsaw.

Sleeping/Naps
First Child:
You need to go to bed by 8:30.
Second Child:
You need to go to bed by 9:00.
Third Child:
It's 11:30, I'm going to bed. Turn the TV off when you're done.

Television watching
First Child:
You can watch one hour of educational TV per day.
Second Child:
You can watch two hours of regular TV per day.
Third Child:
My TV is broken, can I watch yours?

Bathing
First Child:
Your baths will be a mixture of sparkling spring water and pasteurized milk with essential oils
Second Child:
Your baths will be a mixture of warm water and baby oil
Third Child:
We'll hose you off in the backyard twice a week.



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Lazy 


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Text Editors 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, February 22

Europe is still getting punished for their Gullible Warming
fanaticism, but here we are getting the typical end of 
February weather. In addition to that, it feels like a 
Chinook is helping to melt snow and dry the fields.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In economics the majority is always wrong. — John Kenneth Galbraith In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear. --- John C. Dvorak "The longest word in the english language is the one that follows the phrase, 'And now a word from our sponsor'." --- Hal Eaton
From Trina I just picked up a copy of People's 100 Most Eligible Bachelors. I've searched cover to cover and I still can't find the order form. Trina
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

Jolene had wanted new kitchen cabinets for a long time, but her husband insisted they were an extravagance. She went to visit her mother for two weeks, and when she returned, she was overjoyed to find that beautiful new cabinets had been installed in her kitchen. A few days later, a neighbor came over to visit and after admiring the new cabinets, the neighbor added, "All of us were so glad that the fire your husband had while you were gone was confined to the kitchen."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Crystal Leija, a 32-year-old Port Richey drunk Drunk crashed through a home, then offered to help find the kids buried in the rubble, for $1000 Port Richey, Florida (The Weekly Vice) - Crystal Leija, a 32-year-old Port Richey drunk was jailed Saturday after she became intoxicated, crashed into a family's home and then offered to search for the couple's children for $1,000. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, three adults and four children were asleep in their home around 2:00 a.m. when they were awakened by what sounded like an explosion. When they ran towards the sound, they were shocked by to see their house in shambles, and taillights glowing through a haze of smoke. Investigators say Leija had driven her 1998 Honda Accord completely through the home, destroying a front hall, the living room, the dining room, and a bedroom where two small children, ages 4 and 10, were sleeping. The home-owner's brother-in-law was sleeping in the living room on an air mattress. He escaped with cuts and scratches on his face and arms from flying debris. Leija then stumbled out of the car intoxicated. When she realized that the parents could not find two young children who were sleeping in the bedroom, she offered to help find them the children for $1,000. The victims told Leija to get back into the car and stay put until police arrived. The children were later found amidst the debris, terrified but relatively unharmed. No serious injuries were reported. Leija also reportedly hit a parked car as she was leaving the Lane Glo bowling alley, where the incident began. She then ran over two fences and two mailboxes before crashing into the home. Leija was booked into the Pasco County Jail on charges of driving under the influence causing serious bodily injury, DUI causing personal injury, DUI causing damage to property or person, and leaving the scene of an accident involving property damage. She is being held in lieu of $6,150 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Eric Re: Text Editor Dear Webby I am sick and tired of all the hassles with Notepad, especially with how it changes file names when saving. What do YOU use for text editing? Eric Dear Eric On the servers, which are all UNIX or Linux, I use Nano. It is a newer version of Pico, but with a few more mouse commands. And like Pico, you can use it across all operating systems. It's list of commands is very limited, but they are blazingly fast. It finds a word or phrase in a 250,000 line file faster than you can blink an eye. If you want raw power and only need the most basic commands, then Nano is an excellent choice. http://www.nano-editor.org/download.php There are a few hundred text editors available, and like with email programs, people get extremely defensive and religious about the one, that they have finally learned to operate. With programmers NotePad++ is quite fashionable, and they get very defensive about it. NotePad++ is more or less a fixed Windows Notepad, so if you like NotePad except for the bugs in it, then get NotePad++ UltraEdit goes a bit further, but nowadays is relatively expensive, and not.transferable from one machine to the next one, unless you have the Laplink Mover. Nowadays I use NoteTab. It has a free version, a $20 version and a $30 version. The $20 version was $10 when I got it a few years ago, and it does almost everything I need, and it handles tabs reliably. If you have a dozen tabs open when you reboot, it comes back with those 12 files open. Some day I hope to get the $30 version with the Spell Checker and Thesaurus. You can download it and try it at http://www.notetab.com/downloads.php There is a Comparison of the most common hundred or so text editors on Wikipedia Have FUN! DearWebby
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Murphy and his wife, a middle-aged couple, went for a stroll in the park. They sit down on a bench to rest for awhile. Soon they overhear voices coming from a secluded spot nearby. Suddenly Mrs. Murphy realizes that a young man is about to propose. Not wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment, she gently nudges her husband and whispers, "Whistle to let that young couple know that someone can hear them." To which Murphy replies, "Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Let Dough Rise in Microwave I love to bake homemade bread and pizza dough and don't really care for bread machine results. When I make breads by hand, I need a nice warm, clean, out of the way place for the dough to rise. I have been putting the dough in my microwave (turned off, of course) and letting it rise there with the best results. It frees up my counter space and is clean and warm. So make use of that idle microwave when in need of a place for dough to rise. I've even got some pizza dough rising in mine right now for entertaining friends later. By blazincopper from Blue Bell, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
John and Bob were two of the bitterest golf rivals at the club. Neither man trusted the others arithmetic. One day they were playing a heated match and watching each other like hawks. After holing out on the fourth green and marking his six on the scorecard, John asked Bob, "What'd you have?" Bob went through the motions of mentally counting up. "Six!" he said and then hastily corrected himself. "No--a five." Calmly John marked the scorecard, saying out loud "Eight!" "Eight?" Bob said, "I couldn't have had eight." John said, "Nope, you claimed six, then changed it to five. But actually you had seven." "Then why did you mark down eight?" asked Bob. John told him, "One stroke penalty, for improving your LIE."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Agnes for this one: I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor hold me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn't speak. The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dangerous procedure." "You're right. I'm being silly," I said, "Please continue." "Good," the nurse went on, "Now, do you have a living will?"
» Lava in Yosemite





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Acid Kit 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, February 21

What is the Russian fleet doing in Syria?
Not much at all. Just sitting there, making sure nobody
does anything rash.

Iran, of course, used that as a way to get their ships,
that they have been hiding in the Mediterranean for just
such an opportunity, to also park in the same Syrian
harbor, sheltered by the big Russian ships.

That, of course, eally annoys Israel. 
They know that Russia will not allow Iran to fire missiles
at Israel from behind Russian ships, but it does knock over
any plans, that Israel may have had.

You can bet, though, that if the Russian fleet leaves Syria
before the Iranian ships, those will mysteriously sink.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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"Do not talk a little on many subjects, but much on a few. --- Pythagoras The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. --- Lucille Ball
One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going." "Why not?" she asked. I'll give you two good reasons." He said. "One, they don't like me,and two, I don't like them." His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church. One, you're 54 years old, and two, you're the pastor!"
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

A couple's happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Eventually, the old girl passed away. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years." His wife looked at him aghast. "My Aunt Emma!" she cried. "I thought she was 'your' Aunt Emma!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Shawn Dickson More than 50 arrests later, once again behind bars A Cape Coral man who has been arrested more than 50 times in the last 20 years, and was recently released from prison, was arrested again Monday night during an undercover drug operation. According to the Cape Coral Police Department, Shawn Dickson, 38, was arrested after an undercover detective purchased a pre-arranged amount of crack cocaine in the parking lot of the Shell Convenience store at 4403 Del Prado Blvd. South. Following the sale, Dickson, who was released from prison in August, was taken into custody. Dickson has more than 50 prior arrests in his record since he was 18, including numerous drug charges, burglary, aggravated battery, and battery on a law enforcement officer.
Tech Support Pits: From: DJ Re: Acid Reflux Dear Webby did you try the acid reflux method advertise on your site? if you did,let me know.my nexiun is $5.00 a pill Dear DJ Yes, I did. I will NEVER again buy any Nexium or any of that stuff, that only hurts me. That is why I talked about it and put a link into the Humor Letter. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The third grade was being given a course in first aid. The question was asked, "What would you do if you had a younger sibling who swallowed a house key?" After a pause, one of the students answered, "I'd climb through the window!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cellophane Instead Of Tape To Keep Drawers Closed When Moving When moving, be careful not to use tape on your furniture to hold dresser or night stand drawers closed. The tape can easily damage the finish, especially in hot weather. Use a self clinging cellophane wrap. It can be purchased on different size rolls at hardware stores, UPS, and office supplies. It can be wrapped around lamps or fragile items also. Source: I learned this from my son who worked in a warehouse and in charge of shipping and receiving. By Linda from Arlington, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Security person: "I heard a ticking sound. I consulted the boss and he said, 'It's dis turban.' So I decided to search de man's turban." Boss: "You idiot! I didn't say it's dis turban. I said it's disturbin'. If you don't change your ways, you'll keep bringing us dishonor." Security person: "Thank you, boss. I couldn't have brought us dis honor without you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Turning 21--- A boy from Duluth, Minnesota named Lars had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seem that his father, grandfather and great grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays, to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink. So when Lars' 21st came around, he and his pal Sven took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Lars stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Sven managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Lars went to see his grandmother. "Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked into Lars' eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in July.
» Mardi Gras @ NOLA





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Why five buttons on a mouse, or seven? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, February 20



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. --- Mark Twain
Fred's teenage daughter has been trying to run away from home for a year, but every time she gets to the front door, the phone rings
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

In the United States during the depression. Two professional men have been reduced to digging ditches as the only work they can find. 1st Man: "Y'know, those Communists seem to have some pretty good ideas." 2nd Man: "Like what?" 1st Man: "If you have two houses, you give me one." 2nd Man: "That sounds fair to me." 1st Man: "If you have two cars, you give me one." 2nd Man: "That sounds fair to me." 1st Man: "If you have two shirts, you give me one." 2nd Man: "Wait a minute. I actually DO have two shirts!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Essie Mae Jones, 48 in Athens, Atlanta Woman asks to smoke crack before going to jail Police say an Athens woman wanted more than her Miranda rights before being taken to jail -- a few hits on her crack pipe. Athens-Clarke County police spokeswoman said officers responded Wednesday afternoon to a residence on Kennedy Circle in Athens, where they found several people pushing and shoving each other. One man involved in the fracas had a stab wound in the abdomen. Officers determined that Essie Mae Jones and the Johnny Michael Jones "had some words, and Essie stabbed Johnny." Johnny Jones was transported to Athens Regional Medical Center, and Essie Mae Jones, 48, was arrested and charged with aggravated assault. But before she was taken into custody, Essie Mae told the arresting officer "that I should at least let her smoke her pipe before I take her to jail, since they won't let her smoke it there", the Athens Banner-Herald reported, citing the police incident report. The officer noted that there was a crack pipe near Jones' feet and that everyone involved in the incident appeared to be intoxicated, according to the report. Her request was denied and she was taken to jail. Jones was also charged with cruelty to children because the stabbing was witnessed by two young children, police said
Tech Support Pits: From: Dan Re: Why five mouse buttons? Dear Webby Why would one need five or seven mouse buttons? I get along fine with two. Dan Dear Dan The third and fourth buttons are on the side of the mouse, one for the thumb and one for the pinky. Usually the thumb button is assigned for COPY, and the pinky button for PASTE. Pushing the scroll wheel straight down is the 5th button. I assign that to be the equivalent of hitting the ENTER key. Mice, that have the software for the 6th and 7th buttons, tilting the scroll wheel left and right, can use that for scrolling horizontally, or for going back or forward. If you need large fonts and use CTRL and the scroll wheel to zoom the fonts, then scrolling sideways is in big demand. Tilting the mouse wheel is a lot simpler, than hunting for and moving the slider at the bottom of the browser. Yes, you CAN operate with an 80's style two button ball mouse, but once you have gotten used to a modern five or seven button laser mouse, you would not be happy to go back to an old ball mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
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In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!" The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "THOAP!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Free Coffee Grounds for Your Garden at Starbucks Used coffee grounds are a great, free fertilizer in your garden. Roses and acid-loving plants love it. Starbucks will give them to you for free! By lindal from Vista, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Office trick for the day: Print a neat little label and glue it onto a piece of metal or cardboard large enough to cover the button panel on the photocopier. Attach it with double-sided tape. On the label print: This copier is now VOICE activated. Please speak loudly and clearly
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When I attended a convention of oil men, the first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. The Texan said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas." The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state in the Union that can out-lie Texas."
» High C





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Best mouse 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, February 19

Thank you Denise in Ft McMurray!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time. --- E. B. White
The visiting American was quite upset by his sudden drop in popularity. During his first two weeks in England, he had been invited everywhere, feted and entertained. Now, quite suddenly, his phone no longer jingled and no invitations crowded his mailbox. Perplexed, he called his friend, Reginald. "Reggie, you can speak frankly with me, what's happened? I'm being virtually ostracized." "Well, old boy," Reggie replied, "you'll remember that fox hunt you went on last weekend? Here in England it's customary to cry 'Tally-ho!' when you sight the fox--not, I'm afraid, 'There goes the little son of a bitch!'"
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

Thanks to Liz for this: Want to know what we stay-at-home moms do all day? We smoke pot, drink beer and watch soap operas all day. Then, at 4:59 pm we wave our magic wand, and all the chores are done.
I found out today, that the orchid picture, that Dianne had sent in a few days ago, after she harvested a small version of it from some other list, appaently was taken by somebody named Anita. Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Benjamin John Phillips Jr., 23, and Benjamin Michael O’Neill, 22 Brothers arrested when getaway car stalls PORT CHARLOTTE, Fla.- Charlotte County Sheriff's detectives arrested two Port Charlotte brothers for stealing copper items and tools from a stilt home Monday afternoon. Benjamin John Phillips Jr., 23, and Benjamin Michael O’Neill, 22, both of 104 Martin Drive were arrested. CCSO received a call at 12:51 p.m. from the owner of the home at 17029 Granville Avenue who said she heard noises under the home. She saw two men pushing a car out of her driveway. They were then taking items out of the trunk and putting into another vehicle, then drove off. Stolen were copper plumbing items and tools in a green bin. Deputies arrived and located a Buick Lesabre with no occupants. While preparing to have the car towed, Phillips arrived and said his car broke down and he left to get a ride. Phillips and O’Neil were taken in for further questioning. They said they were out “scrapping” and pulled into the driveway. They saw the items in a green bin and put it in their car. The car wouldn’t start, so they pushed it into the ditch in front of the home and left to look for a ride. A neighbor drove them to their stalled car and they put the bin of stolen item in the back of the vehicle and the neighbor then drove them to their home on Martin Drive. In their investigation, detectives obtained permission to search their home and located the stolen items. Phillips and O’Neil were taken to the Charlotte County Jail and were both charged with Burglary and Grand Theft. Phillips was also charged with Violation of Probation. Both remain in jail; Phillips on $5,500 bond and O’Neill on $5,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Best mouse Dear Webby What is the best mouse for a reasonable price? Alex Dear Alex The Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer or similar mice, that are just about the same with just a different name and price, are a pretty good deal. An example is the Microsoft Wireless Mobile mouse. Same 7 button deal, with 2 buttons, the wheel tilt switches, not recognized by Windows 7 software. Those mice work well, but eat batteries. You better have some rechargeable abtteries on hand, and a charger. Logitech of course has the same mice, forslightly higher price and better software. They also have models with a portable phone style rechargeable battery built in, and a charger stand. You just stand the mouse into it, when it is not in use. Nice, but you definitely pay for it. Wired versions are still available too, but rarely last more than a year. They all seem to die a week after the warranty runs out. There are also clones of Microsoft and Logitech mice, with slightly different packaging. However, if you have never heard the company name before, you most likely won't hear it again in the future. I had been saving up for a rechargeable Logitech mouse, but had to murder that piggy bank for food, and instead fixed the cable to an otherwise still perfectly good Microsoft mouse. The original cable always goes bad where it enters the mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"Hey, Jon, Judi suggested I take up a new sport this summer," Daniel said. "That's nice. It shows she has your best interest at heart. Did she make any suggestions?" "As a matter of fact, she did. Do you have any idea how to play 'Russian Roulette with a shotgun'?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Gravel Under Outdoor Faucet You can keep an outdoor faucet or pump from turning the surrounding area to mud, if you dig out a hole beneath the water spout and replace the soil with rocks or gravel. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said. "No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole in a thunder storm."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I met a friend the other day. She was wearing leotards under her slacks to keep her legs warm. I said "Do those really keep them warm?" She said, "Yes, only one big problem, though. They are so air tight that, when I fart, they blow my shoes off!
» High Seas





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Clean site about space 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, February 18

Thank you Denise in Ft McMurray!

Remember the town of Lech in Austria, that I mentioned a 
couple of days ago? Dutch prince Friso, who has been skiing 
there in Lech every year since he was a toddler, decided 
yesterday to disregard the avalanche warnings and the
signs forbidding skiing outside of the groomed runs, climbed
over a fence to ski down a gulley in the 70 cm of fresh, new
powder snow.

Quite predictably, the suicidal dumb-ass triggerd a little
avalanche, and since he was not wearing an inflatable
avalanche pack, sort of like an oversize life jacket that 
helps a person to stay on top in a situation like that,
he got buried in the snow. It took twenty minutes to dig
him out, and he had to be resuccitated. 

Powder avalanches are often deadly. He was of course 
helicoptered to the nearest University hospital, but is still
in critical condition there. Queen Beatrix and a herd of
relatives are at his bed side. He may live, but he might not.

Skiing on the groomed runs and the safe powder runs 
was not affected by his stupid stunt.

I have frequently skied in that area as a youngster.
When seeing the avalanche warning signs and the rope,
it was fun to stop for a smoke and watch. Often those
small gulley avalances went off on their own, sometimes
you could set them off by yelling, at other times, it took
some dumb-ass to ski down through it.

In those days, we didn't have beepers or avalanche packs,
but we trailed an avalanche cord, similar to parachute cord,
but with a green and brown tracer woven into it. The brown
tracer was towards the person. By pulling and following the
rope, you usually got to the buried person quickly, often
before they died.

However, a lot of us were smart enough to heed the avalanche
signs and were content with watching them go off.

--------------------

While trying to look up a bit of info about acid reflux and
possible remedies, I found out, that the FDA has done a
turn-about and backed away from the standard, well known
acid reducer pills.

Then I found out, that acid problems are just a symptom,
not a cause, and suppressing the symptoms is about as dumb
as wearing welder's glasses, so that you don't see your pants 
are on fire.

Luckily there are natural remedies, that fix the cause, 
and eliminate the need for suppressing uncomfortable symptoms.

After checking it out, I arranged to become an affiliate, so 
that you can get the books, that let you take care of it naturally,
with items, that you probably already have in the fridge or pantry.
The ad for that is further down. You get 11 books with that deal.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full, I say, are you going to drink that? --- Lisa Claymen The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing. --- Henry S. Haskins Pro is to con as progress is to Congress. --- Socratex Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you say when your kids are teenagers don't reach them till they're in their 40s. --- Socratex
Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her." "Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her." "Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you that she told me."
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

During a recent business trip to Boeing's Everett, Washington factory, I noticed several 747 and 777 airliners being assembled. Before the engines were installed, huge weights were hung from the wings to keep the planes balanced. The cast iron weights were bright yellow and black and marked, "14,000 lbs." But what I found particularly interesting was some stenciling I discovered on the side of each weight. Imprinted there was the warning: "Remove before flying."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Frank Lee Turner, 56 in Ambridge, PA Mumbled himself into jail AMBRIDGE, Pa. - A western Pennsylvania man is jailed on drug charges because police say something other than a confession came out of his mouth when he was hit with a stun gun. The Beaver County Times ( http://bit.ly/AqnSRP) reports that 56-year-old Frank Lee Turner was mumbling when Ambridge police stopped a car in which he was a passenger on Feb. 5. The truck was stopped because it had three passengers but only two seatbelts. Turner tried to leave the area, and when cops tried to stop him, mumbled and then put up a fight. After he knocked one cop's cap and cool shades off, he was tased, and dropped some crack. However, to spit out the rest, he had to be tased some more. Turner was charged with resisting arrest, assault of a police officer and various related charges, as well as possession of narcotics for the purpose of trafficing. Turner remained in the county jail Tuesday, unable to post bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Brenda Re: Clean site about space Dear Webby Do you have a link to a site about space that does not have ads that may be unsuitable for kids? Thanks Brenda Dear Brenda You can use the NASA link in the side menu, or CoolCosmos That site is very educational for young and old and I have Never seen any objectionable ads on it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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An reasonably wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "With that one, your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90 and have a heart condition."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Pet Blankets from Recycled T-Shirts A great way to use T-shirts that are no longer wearable is to make a pet blanket or throw. Just cut the center out of the T-shirt and sew each square together. Fold the outside edges under to hem. You can donate these to a local pet shelter. They can use them for bedding, drying animals, or most anything. This recycling idea keeps those T-shirts out of the landfills, and also helps much deserving animals. By Bittyfrog from Tupelo, MS Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
BOY : Since we met, I can't eat or drink... GIRL : Why not ? BOY : I'm broke.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Jessica for this: I was playing tooth fairy when my daughter, Marina, suddenly woke up. Seeing the money in my hand, she cried out, "I caught you!" I froze and tried to think of an explanation for why I, instead of the tooth fairy, was putting the money under her pillow but her next words let me off the hook. "You put that money back!" she said indignantly. "The tooth fairy left that for me!"
» The Immortal Jellyfish





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Removing Harddrives 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, February 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



While trying to look up a bit of info about acid reflux and
possible remedies, I found out, that the FDA has done a
turn-about and backed away from the standard, well known
acid reducer pills.

Then I found out, that acid problems are just a symptom,
not a cause, and suppressing the symptoms is about as dumb
as wearing welder's glasses, so that you don't see your pants 
are on fire.

Luckily there are natural remedies, that fix the cause, 
and eliminate the need for suppressing uncomfortable symptoms.

After checking it out, I arranged to become an affiliate, so 
that you can get the books, that let you take care of it naturally,
with items, that you probably already have in the fridge or pantry.
The ad for that is further down. You get 11 books with that deal.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the library. --- Westheimer's Discovery The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream. --- Harry Kemp
During an arctic training exercise in Alaska a cold snap played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed new battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what else could go wrong when the door flew open and a soldier rushed in and announced, "Hey, captain, the northern lights are out! Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, "Well, don't tell me! Go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the damn things!"
Stop Acid Reflux now, NATURALLY! Stop taking pills to mask symptoms, cure the CAUSE! Naturally! You probably have what you need in the fridge or pantry. No more acidic burps! No more stomach pain, heartburn, ulcers, gerd, feeling stuffed! Click to CURE the Cause, NATURALLY!

A vacationing golfer was out playing on a course that he had never played before. He hired a caddie from the pro shop to show him the layout of the course, and help him decide what shots to play. On the first tee, the golfer missed his shot, and it dribbled forward about 15 yards. He was slightly embarrassed, but determined to play a better second shot. He hit his second shot into the bordering fairway, and his third shot into a sand trap. By the time he holed out on this Par 4, he was 6 over par. The man turned to his caddie and said, "Well, I have never played this badly before!" To which the caddie replied, "What game are you playing, Sir ?"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kierra Reed, 22, in Cincinnatti, Ohio Attempted murder over lack of Valentines present FEBRUARY 15--Angered that her boyfriend did not buy her a Valentine’s Day gift, an Ohio woman last night attacked the man, who barricaded himself inside a bedroom as she threatened to stab and kill him with a kitchen knife, police allege. According to investigators, Reed got into an argument with Henry Brown when she did not receive a Valentine’s Day present from him. Reed, cops allege, initially pushed and scratched Brown, who sought refuge in the apartment’s bedroom While Brown was locked in the bedroom, Reed "threatened to kill him and cut him," according to a sheriff's report. She then got a knife and “began cutting the door in an attempt to get to the victim." Hamilton County Sheriff's Office deputies busted Kierra Reed, a 22-year-old Cincinnati resident, for aggravated menacing, a misdemeanor. If the threatening and knife handling had been done by the male, he would have been charged with attempted murder. Reed, named today in a Municipal Court complaint, posted $2500 bail this morning to secure her release from the county lockup.
Tech Support Pits: From: Dick Re: Removing hard drives Hi Webby, For the woman who you told to remove her hard drive, if she has a complicated laptop like my Dell, she might want to look online for insructions like I did on how to take it apart. And she might want to use an egg carton to hold the various sized screws and label them as to size. I practically had to remove everything on the computer to clean the dust out of the heat sink. Dick Dear Dick Yes, there are good youTube videos out there, that show how to remove or replace hard drives, keyboards, fans, etc. With more modern machines the use of screws is kept to a minimum, and usually nowadays there is only one or two types of screws per mashine, everything else is held by plastic spring clips, IF you approach from the correct side. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Water Plants With Leftover Tea Don't throw out your leftover tea. Instead feed it to your indoor or outdoor plants for an extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened tea only. By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves. Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he is the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another one on the way, so call back later." At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth one is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch. Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording is still going strong: "The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last one was a duck."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him. "I don't have to," the little boy replied. "Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's at our house," Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook!"
» The Immortal Jellyfish





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How to transfer files to a new computer 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, February 16

People in England apparently are no longer fanatic about
Gullible Warming. No more Jewish Mother-in-Law type 
guilt mongering and trying to worry you by insisting, "Well.
it COULD happen. Are you sure it could not?"

These days, if you mention Gullible Warming in England,
they tell you: "Shut up and shovel the damn snow."!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. --- George F. Will People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure. --- Russell Baker
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. Today is Thursday, the day YOU drive."
Web Design Mastery - Professional Web Design Made Easy A Professional Web Site Design Course That Contains Over 500 Pages Of Quality Information, Codes And Examples.
Very valuable programs and bonuses included.
You make back the cost of the course five times or MORE on the first site you design. And you keep the course and the programs! Get it now! Web Design Mastery - Professional Web Design Made Easy

One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked "What is the Gross National Product?". The little boy pondered for a minute and replied "Spinach ? Broccoli ?"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click through for the large version. No Gullible Warming in venice, Italy
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sacred Heart Catholic Academy in Shawano, Wisconsin Benched student for saying two phrases in native language SHAWANO, WISCONSIN - Miranda, a 12 year old Menominee basketball player who was suspended for one game for saying "Ketapanen" in her ancestral Native language, which means "I love you." She, along with two other Menominee students, were discussing how to say words in Menominee. Their teacher freaked out and lost control. She ran to the studen't desk, slammed her hand on the student's desk, screamed at her, and got her suspended from the basketball game. The town Shawano is a few miles south of the Menominee reserve and Shawano is "South" in Menomine. Nobody freaks out and acts like a paranoid lunatic coming off crack, when the name of the town is spoken.. The Sacred Heart Catholic Academy backs up that teacher and has not sent her for psychiatric evaluation. According to them, it is all the girl's fault for talking in Native language in front of somebody, who acts like a paranoid lunatic, and who might assumes she was cussing or talking about her.
Tech Support Pits: From: Dave Re: Transferring pictures Dear Webby I have about 15000 digital photos, all titled and arranged in folders. I also have a new computer. Is there any way to get the pictures, titles and folders into the new computer easily. The program I tried just put the pictures on the CD, nothing else. Thanks for your help. Dave Dear Dave The Deluxe way would be to use the Laplink Mover It does that and even re-installs programs on the new machine. Since that is probably too easy for you, here is the second best way to do it: Get a $12 external hard drive case for the drive of the old computer. There are various cases available, and you need one to match the size and style of the drive. Then simply snap the drive into that case, plug it into a USB port on the new machine, and it shows up as a second hard drive. Then you can either leave the stuff on it and use it as is, or drag it onto the #1 drive. Taking the drive out of the old machine is quite easy. On newer machines you just wiggle some plastic holders, on older machines, there are a few little screws, that require a Philips screw driver. Just keep in mind that the machine was assembled by robots in China. If something does not come loose or apart easily, then you are not pulling on the right part or in the right order. Don't try to do it under the desk in the dark. Bring the old machine out and onto a table in good light. That makes a huge difference. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Now it all makes sense! And on the 8th day God said, "OK Murphy, you take over."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Sheets Inside Pillowcases This tip will save you looking for a matching bottom and top sheet with matching pillowcases. Put folded sheets and one of the pillowcases inside one of the pillowcases. Next, place a used dryer sheet in also and it will keep them smelling sweet. Everything can be stored neatly in its own case! No more hunting for a matching set. Saves time and the sheets smells fresh because of the dryer sheet! By Dwedenoja from New Creek, WV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A grumpy, overbearing office manager once had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses, bossing them around just like he did his employees. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who would stand up to him. She walked into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for a few minutes he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry," the nurse said, "For this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After inserting the thermometer, she said, "Now, I have to go get something. You stay just like that until I get back!" She left the door to his room open on her way out, and the man cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door snickering. After quite some time had passed, a doctor walked into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answered, "What's the matter, Doc? haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken before?" After a pause, the doctor replied, "Yes... but never with a DAFFODIL!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
How Government Works Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said "Someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a timekeeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people. Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary. Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $418,000 over budget, we must cut back overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.
» Eclectic Doha





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Boss Key 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, February 15
Thank you Maggie

It is -16 right now, but supposed to go above freezing by noon.
No snow forecast for a week, and fairly mild daytime temperatures.
With any luck, I;ll get out of having to shovel the sidewalk and
driveway.

Europe is getting the hint about Gullible Warming. It seems, 
the countries, that were the most fanatic about the CO2 BS,
and Carbon Tax con, andbelieved, they could retire the snow
blowers and invest in green stuff, got hit the hardest. 
Now some, like Serbia, are considering suing the perpetrators 
of the Gullible Warming hoax. Sweden is mulling over ways
they can pull back some Nobel prizes, that were awarded
without adequate consideration.

The weather in Europe is by no means a record. Those, who
watch the cycles, knew what was coming, and dusted off the
old snow blower.

1414, the year the Council Of Constance of the Catholic church
started, where they got rid of two popes and elected a new one,
had the same weather, and the carriage of one of the popes
got stuck in the snow and tipped over. One of the hotels in Lech
has a painting of that event on it's front.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. --- Evelyn Waugh Those who speak most of progress measure it by quantity and not by quality. --- George Santayana Those who boast of their decent, brag on what they owe to others. --- Socratex
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white? Were you really THAT wicked ?"
Web Design Mastery - Professional Web Design Made Easy A Professional Web Site Design Course That Contains Over 500 Pages Of Quality Information, Codes And Examples.
Very valuable programs and bonuses included.
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face". "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet and turn them red?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Ricardo Luna, 26, Texas Tried to pay for lap dance with crack A man faces two felony charges after authorities say he tried to pay for a lap dance at a strip club using crack cocaine early Sunday morning, then attacked a security guard and resisted arrest. Ricardo Luna, 26, has been charged with retaliation and resisting arrest, according to Travis County Jail records. He remains in custody on $45,000 bail. According to an arrest affidavit, Travis County sheriff’s deputies were dispatched to the XTC Men’s Club on Andtree Boulevard in East Austin around 4 a.m. Sunday. A security officer told the deputies that Luna attempted to buy a lap dance using drugs and was escorted out of the club, the affidavit said. In the process, Luna kicked the security guard in the leg, the affidavit said. Luna appeared to be intoxicated and made several racial slurs toward the deputies, the affidavit said. He refused to enter a patrol vehicle until he was threatened with a Taser, and when he did he kicked the door from the inside, the affidavit said. Deputies had to secure his legs with a tarp, and in the process Luna kicked one of them, the affidavit said. He also spit blood and saliva over the deputies, and beat his head against the cage inside the vehicle before passing out prior to his arrival at Central Booking, the affidavit said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Elvira Re: Boss Key Dear Webby I need a hot-key to instantly hide what I am doing. I write poetry and sometimes get quite mushy. When my brothers catch me at it, they tease me for weeks and months about it. I heard that there is a boss-key that people use at work to hide their games or email when the boss comes around, but I don't know how to set that up. Thanks Elvira Dear Elvira There are several Boss-Key programs available, however the simplest and best is still ALT TAB. Open a spreadsheet or any other program, that has a similar colored background, and open it to full screen size. Hit ALT TAB to jump to your previously active ALT TAB will jump you to the previously active program, in which you were composing poetry. Each time you hit ALT TAB Windows will jump instantly to the previously active program. If you size the writing program a bit smaller, so that the spreadsheet is visible around the edges, clicking on the spreadsheet will make that active and cover the writing program. If your hand is on the mouse, then use that trick, if your hands are on the keyboard, use the ALT TAB Open Have FUN! DearWebby
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I was waiting to talk to the pharmacist at the local drug store about his web site when a sweet young lady from the neighborhood came in. She had just recently gotten married. She was looking at the men's toiletries. and the clerk asked her if she needed any assistance. I heard her say, "Well, I'm looking for some deodorant for my new husband , but I don't know what kind he uses." The clerk asked, "Is it the ball type?" I almost lost it when she responded, "Oh No ...It's for under his arms."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Flavored Drinks with Soda Water Use carbonated spring water, which is available cheaply from chains like Asda (Walmart in US), to make up orangeade, lemonade, etc. This enables you to have a wide choice of fizzy drinks without either buying big bottles of pop which go flat quickly, or individual cans/bottles which cost more. By Verity Eileen from Norfolk, UK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Q: What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night? A: His Last name
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An Texan, a Scot and a Californian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the Texan, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the Texan, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Californian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and said that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew was back here." "That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the Texan, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Californian was waiting for the government to pay his."
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Happy Valentines Day! 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, February 14

Happy Valentines Day!

I Love You in all languages is at
http://webby.com/iloveyou.html

It is way too big to put here, but you can easily bookmark 
that page.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders." --- Nietzsche
Bob and his wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a big, muddy hole in the road and the car became bogged down. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. Bob readily accepted and minutes later the car was free. Bob looked at the muddy tracks around the puddle and remarked that a lot of cars must be getting stuck there. "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today, the farmer said" Bob looked around at the fields incredulously and asked the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? You must do it at night." "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole. My wife plows and disks the farm with the tractor."
Web Design Mastery - Professional Web Design Made Easy A Professional Web Site Design Course That Contains Over 500 Pages Of Quality Information, Codes And Examples.
Very valuable programs and bonuses included.
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A drunk goes to the doctor complaining of tiredness and headaches. "I feel tired all the time, my head hurts, I've got a sore butt, and I'm not sleeping. What is it, Doc?" The doctor examines him thoroughly and says, "I can't find anything wrong. It must be the drinking." "Fair enough," replied the lush. "Happens to me too. I'll come back when you sober up."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Andrea Ebert, 30 in Cameron, WI Teacher emailed naked pictures of herself to two students and had sex with them Cameron, WI (The Weekly Vice) - Andrea Ebert, a 30-year old special education teacher at Rice Lake Middle School was jailed Friday after she allegedly had sex with two students. According to police, an investigation began Wednesday after detectives received a tip alleging sexual abuse between Ebert and two 17-year-old male students. Investigators say Ebert admitted to having sex with both students between November 9, 2011 and January 31, 2012. Ebert also allegedly sent the boys over a dozen nude photographs of herself. When one of the teens told Ebert he was worried that she could get in trouble for the affair, Ebert reportedly assured him that if he stayed quiet, nothing would happen. Ebert, who has children herself, allegedly brought both boys to her home for the sexual encounters. No sexual encounters are believed to have occurred on school property. Ebert was taken into custody at the school and then transported to the police station for questioning. She was booked into the Barron County Jail and charged with two counts of sexual assault of a student by school staff. She was released after posting $5,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: Browser losing previous page Dear Webby It seems every time I go into http://angelwinks.net and check how my card looks and I find a spelling error or want to add a line I click "edit card" , go back to make changes & everything has dissapeared. Some of my cards I send are poems I do on-the-spot and don't have a copy. This happens all the time. What do I do? John B Dear John Set the cache of your browser to refresh every time you open the browser, not every time you open a page. In the browser click on TOOLS Internet Options General Settings Every Time You Start Internet Explorer Then hit OK a few times. From then on Internet Explorer won't delete your work. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The CIA loses track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words, 'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in a pub in Dublin. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, who's president of our local savings bank. There's Murphy the Blacksmith, who works at the stables. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives right down the street, but he usually doesn't come in here till around 8 PM."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Coupons We only eat out as a family if we have a coupon to do so. But keeping track of all those dining out coupons can be difficult. I created a coupon file just for this purpose. Using a small check organizer file, I labeled sections with titles such as: fast food, ice cream, pizza, buffet, diners, etc. There is even a section for entertainment (bowling, mini golf, movies). We keep this file in our car along with my grocery coupon file so we remember to use them before their expiration dates. By Deb from Manchester, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception? A: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives. Q: What is a wedding tragedy? A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money. Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves? A: Buy her a nice ring. Q: What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Command- ments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without hesitating or thinking about it, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
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