Show pictures hidden in WORD 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Easter Sunday, March 1.
Happy Easter, !

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The function of socialism is to raise suffering to a higher level. --- Norman Mailer (1923 - 2007)
Bob heard a rumor that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays. So, on his 21st birthday, Bob and his good friend Brian headed out to the lake. "If they did it, I can too!" he insisted. When Bob and Brian arrived at the lake, they rented a boat and began paddling. When the got to the middle of the lake, Bob stepped off of the side of the boat ... and nearly drowned. When he tried to climb back into the boat, he tipped it, and Brian also nerly drowned. Hanging on to the capsized boat, they slowly pushed it back to shore. When Bob arrived back at the family farm, he asked his grandmother for an explanation. "Grandma, why can I not walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him did on their 21st birthday?" The feeble old grandmother took Bob by the hands, looked into his eyes, and explained, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born on March 31."
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

Hanging in the hallway at the High School are the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "62-63," "63-64," "64-65," etc. One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?" I suggested he try out for football, or maybe boxing.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christian Cain,21, Nebraska Wanna-Be Juvenile caught doing a gallon smashing prank Reported by The Smoking Gun MARCH 29--A “gallon smashing” stunt at an Nebraska supermarket has resulted in a criminal mischief charge being filed against a 21-year-old whose prank was recorded by three of his buddies. A vigilant worker at a Hy-Vee in Omaha spotted Christian Cain and his pals enter the store Sunday around 5:15 PM. Soon after, the employee “noticed Cain was carrying 2 gallons of milk, and the other males had camera phones out,” according to an Omaha Police Department report. Which, of course, could mean only one thing. The Hy-Vee worker, Kelly Kayser, told cops that she “was aware of a prank known as ‘gallon smashing’ in which an individual throws a bottle of milk in the air, then pretends to slip and fall.” Just like this. Aware that tomfoolery was imminent, Kayser tried to keep Cain & Co. in sight, “but he and his friends eluded her and went down the cereal aisle,” noted investigators. Kayser subsequently “found him there with milk all over the floor and another customer attempting to help him up.” Kayser detained Cain and called police (Cain’s friends did not wait around for officers to arrive). When questioned by a cop, Cain--whose clothing was wet-- reportedly confessed, saying, “Obviously I did it on purpose.” Cain’s “gallon smashing” resulted in nearly $260 in damages. “Splashing milk” ruined 65 boxes of Pop-Tarts ($148.85) and 27 boxes of cereal ($101.26). The two one-gallon containers of 1% milk were valued at $2.99 apiece. Cited for misdemeanor criminal mischief, Cain has engaged in prior supermarket hijinks. Tech Support Pits From: Bob A Re: Hidden Pictures in WORD Dear Webby, I understand from my wife that you answer computer problem questions. She speaks highly of you so I thought I would pose a question that I need answered in the worst way... About a week ago I was putting together a letter in Microsoft Word using many pictures. I had pasted in 9 pictures when I clicked on an item in one of the tool bars and instantly the pictures disappeared and in their place were 9 rectangular outlines the size of each picture. Unfortunately, I cannot recall what I clicked on nor exactly where it is located. I have hunted and hunted through the tools to try to restore the pictures but to no avail. Since then I have tried pasting in new pictures on a new Word "sheet" and guess what I get...a rectangle box instead. The box is composed of four connected perpendicular lines and when I click in the center of the "box" the box disappears and I get eight black dots in it's place. I believe what I originally clicked on was an on/off switch of some kind and all that needs to happen is to click on it again to correct the situation. If you know how to restore my pictures or know of someone who does, please tell me. {I have no desire to contact Microsoft because of their high and mighty attitude.} Thanks for your willingness to help others, Bob A Dear Bob Wire frames or placeholders are rarely used while writing, but really speed up scrolling while proofreading books or searching for something in a lengthy e-book or article. To turn the wire frames off and reveal pictures, Click on TOOLS Options View take the checkmark off "Picture Placeholders" hit OK Your pictures will show again. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Dirty Socks in a Mesh Bags Give each family member their own mesh bag for them to keep in their rooms to place their dirty socks in. They go in the washer and dryer in the mesh bag (assuming they are either white or colored). After laundering, each bag goes into their stack of clean clothes. No More Sorting! By Kathy Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought regular or premium gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband. "It cost the same as always," said the wife. "I bought the usual ten dollars worth. That is always enough to get me home."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Barry: I have a friend who is president of his homeowner's association in Washington. They are having a terrible problem with trash on the side of the road that is around his association's homes. The reason according to Wallace (my friend) is, there is being built just next to them, six new homes..... big ones! Wallace said the trash is coming from the Mexican work crews working at the construction sites. (McDonald Bags, Burger King trash, etc). He has pleaded with the site supervisors and the general contractor to no avail, called the City, County, and the Police and got no help. So, guess what some people in his community did! They organized about twenty folks, named themselves The "Inner Neighborhood Services" to go out at lunch time and "police" the trash themselves. It is what they wore and did while picking up the trash that is HILARIOUS !!!!!!!! They got some navy blue baseball caps and had the initials "INS" in gold put on the caps. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, however, to understand what they hoped people would think it means. Well the day after their first pick up detail, with them wearing their caps and SOME CARRYING CAMERAS, 46 out of 68 of the construction workers did not show up for work the next morning!.... and haven't come back yet!!!!! It has been ten days. Now the General Contractor, I understand is madder than hell, but can't say anything publicly, because he could be busted for hiring "illegal aliens". Wallace and his bunch can't be accused of impersonating INS folks, because they have it on their home owner association records the vote to form the new committee within their association, plus they informed the INS about what they were doing in advance, and the INS said basically according to Wallace: "Have at it"!
» Stunning Earth


Today, March 30, in
1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the 
  Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to 
  convert to Christianity.
1779 Russia and Turkey signed a treaty concerning military 
  action in Crimea.
1831 Quebec and Montreal were incorporated as cities.
1854 The U.S. government signed the Treaty of Kanagawa 
  with Japan. The act opened the ports of Shimoda and Hakotade 
  to American trade.
1862 Skirmishing between Rebels and Union forces took place at 
  Island 10 on the Mississippi River.
1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely 
  illuminated with electric light.
1889 In Paris, the Eiffel Tower officially opened.
1900 In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing 
  the workday for women and children to 11 hours.
1904 In India, hundreds of Tibetans were slaughtered by the British.
1908 250,000 coal miners in Indianapolis, IN, went on strike to 
  await a wage adjustment.
1909 Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina.
1917 The U.S. purchased and took possession of the Virgin Islands 
  from Denmark for $25 million.
1918 For the first time in the U.S., Daylight Saving Time 
  went into effect.
1921 Great Britain declared a state of emergency because of 
  the thousands of coal miners on strike.
1939 Britain and France agreed to support Poland if Germany 
  threatened invasion.
1941 Germany began a counter offensive in North Africa.
1948 The Soviets in Germany began controlling the Western 
  trains headed toward Berlin.
1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its 
  10th province.
1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) began exile 
  by crossing the border into India where he was granted 
  political asylum. Gyatso was the 14th Daila Lama.
1966 An estimated 200,000 anti-war demonstrators march in 
  New York City. (New York)
1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the 
  first spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit.
1980 U.S. President Carter deregulated the banking industry.
1989 Canada and France signed a fishing rights pact.
1991 Iraqi forces recaptured the northern city of Kirkuk 
  from Kurdish guerillas.
1999 Three U.S. soldiers were captured by Yugoslav soldiers 
  three miles from the Yugoslav border in Macedonia.
2004 Air America Radio launched five stations around the U.S.
2004 Google Inc. announced that it would be introducing a free e-mail service called Gmail.
2013 Google Inc announced that it would introduce Gmail Motion on the following day, 4/1/2013. A Pre-Launch preview of Gmail Motion
2013  smiled


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Wipe computer but keep the OS 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Easter Saturday, March 30.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play. --- Warren Beatty (1937 - ) Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. --- Woody Allen (1935 - )
Thanks to Robert for this story: When I was young my intent was to go to medical school, but I was confused by the entrance exam. One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters "P N E S I" to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect." Those who spelled SPINE became doctors, the rest ended up in Congress.
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

A Catholic woman, a Protestant woman and a Jewish woman die and go to heaven. St. Peter meets them at the gate to heaven. The Catholic woman says, "I've been a good wife and mother, I took good care of my family and I want to go to heaven. St. Peter tells her to go to the left. The Protestant woman says, "I've been a good woman. I kept my house clean and cooked and took care of my family, and went to church every Sunday." St. Peter tells her to step to the left. The Jewish woman tells St. Peter," I've been a good woman, I made Shabbos every Friday, I went to the synagogue on the holidays and took care of my family." St. Peter tells her to step to the right. She immediately asks him, " Why did you tell me to go to the right and you told the other two women to go to the left?" St. Peter replies, "Don't you want to go to the beauty salon first?
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kathanna Culp, 28, Houston, TX Teacher jailed after complaining to principal about a former student not wanting to end a sexual relationship. Reported by The Weekly Vice Kathanna Culp, a 28-year-old teacher at Northbrook High School, has been arrested after she allegedly had a long-term sexual relationship with a student. According to police, an investigation began last December when Culp went to the school principal and claimed that she was being blackmailed by a former student who was threatening to expose their sexual relationship if she didn't pay him money. The student reportedly didn't want to end the relationship and demanded to be paid in lieu of "making a public announcement" of some kind. Culp, who earned a law degree from the University of Florida, has allegedly been engaged in a seven-month long relationship with the victim which began while he was still a student at the school. Investigators say Culp had sex with the former student multiple times at her apartment. Culp also allegedly hosted parties at her apartment and supplied her guests, some as young as 14, with alcohol and marijuana. Culp was fired from the school on December 14 shortly after going to the school principal with the alleged blackmail scheme. She was charged on March 19 after she reportedly confessed to having a sexual relationship with the former student. Culp was booked into jail and charged with improper relationship between educator and student. She was released after posting bail. Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Wipe old computer Dear Webby, A friend of mine is giving away her old computer. What is a good, quick, and easy way to errase all information on a hard drive without deleting the operating system? David Dear David Do a search for *.doc, *.wpd, *.qpw, *.xls, *.mbx, *.toc,*.txt, *.jpg, *.gif, etc. and delete those. Also delete all files in the Attachment and Embedded folder of the mail program. You can clean cookies and history with CrapCleaner or Spybot-Search&Destroy. Then, if you want, you can use Spybot to shred the files in the recycle bin. Sometimes, if you do have the original Windows CD, it's just as fast to format and re-install Windows, as it is to do a thorough job on cleaning a drive. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Soda for Gas Spills For gas can spills in the car, wipe up as much as you can then generously sprinkle baking soda over the spill. Leave overnight (or two days) then sweep away or vacuum. Soaks up the gas and the smell! By Kelli Be careful when you vacuum that! Your vacuum can easily turn into a flame thrower! Point it's exhaust away from people, buildings and vehicles. A much better solution is Sorb-All or any similar product with a different name. Sorb-All is made from bentonite, a type of clay, that instantly absorbs gas and oil, and renders it pretty well impossible to ignite. It is also the active ingredient in kitty-litter. You can get Sorb-All at automotive parts suppliers, Home Depot and many harwared stores. It is very cheap and very light weight, and comes in huge bags. Even if they call it something different in your area, they will know what you mean, if you ask for Sorb-All to pick up oil or gas spills. Sorb-All is perfectly safe, amd does not hurt lawns or flowers or bushes, if you dump it onto them, but is so aggressive when it comes to oil and gas, it pulls years old oil stains out of concrete driveways. And above all, it is perfectly safe. It does not hurt your hands any more than clean playground sand or fresh kitty litter. A bag of Sorb-All fills three 5-gallon pails and if they are covered, will keep indefinitely in the garage or porch. I recommend dumping the bag into pails, because the paper will sooner or later get wet and weak, and you wind up with it in a messy pile. Sorb-All is NOT very effective on water, just on oil and gas. It will not keep the paper bag dry, if water drips on it or if it sits in a puddle. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

Thanks to Sandie for this tale: A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off." Farmer: " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00." Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back." Kenny grew up and eventually became a senator.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Paul came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Greg, noticed and asked Paul what happened. Paul replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Greg, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Paul, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup play-offs and put my foot through the television screen."
» Faberge Egg


Today, March 30, in
1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of Aragon.
1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched 
  into Paris.
1822 Florida became a U.S. territory.
1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation while 
  his patient was anesthetized by ether.
1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri 
  invaded the territory of Kansas and forced the election of 
  a pro-slavery legislature, the first election in Kansas.
1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil.
1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million
1870 Texas was readmitted to the Union.
1903 Revolutionary activity in the Dominican Republic brought 
  U.S. troops to Santo Domingo to protect American interests.
1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against meager 
  pay for government jobs.
1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison 
  in Mexico.
1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 
  38 warships.
1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko 
  in Nanking, China.
1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel began 
  its first offensive against British forces in Libya.
1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines.
1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded the eastern part of Austria 
  after Austria was fed up with Hitler and stopped fighting.
1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive 
  the Nazi party in Frankfurt.
1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced.
1950 U.S. President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy 
  as a saboteur of U.S. foreign policy.
1972 The British government assumed direct rule over 
  Northern Ireland.
1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese 
  troops crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the 
  northern portion of South Vietnam.
1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon 
  South Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation.
1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded in 
  Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police officers 
  and Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded.
1984 The U.S. ended its participation in the multinational 
  peace force in Lebanon.
1994 Serbs and Croats signed a cease-fire to end their war 
  in Croatia while Bosnian Muslims and Serbs continued to 
  fight each other.
1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal.
2013  smiled


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Back-Up program 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Good Friday, March 29.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



In Britain and Europe any talk about Gullible Warming seems
to cause a lot of unprintable comments, except from kids,
who seem to enjoy all the unusual snow:


Urban skiiing in Kiev

The newest theory is that all the talk about Gullible
Warming annoyed Mother Nature, who promptly cranked the 
thermostat down. Also, they say, all the BS about rising 
ocean levels annoyed Poseidon, who farted under the arctic 
ice, which decreased the volme of his belly and is the cause 
for the measurable lowering of the ocean levels.

Whatever the cause, Florida and Alaska enjoy the extra real 
estate, except for the people, who paid big money for ocean
front properties, who now see developments between them and 
the ocean. Well, some day the ocean levels will come up again
to 2010 levels. 

The extra snow in Europe is of course much appreciated by 
all the ski resorts, even though they are defintiely not 
short on snow. They took advantage of cold nights and have
been making record size piles of artificial snow since November,
and are all negotiating season extension contracts with 
their staff. Instead of releasing the staff March 15, they
hope to stay operating until April 15, or even longer.

That affects not just the few guys at the cable cars and 
chair lifts, who make sure nobody gets gonged or trips,
but the tens of thousands of chambermaids and waitresses
and busboys, most from far away countries, who are itching
to go home and spend the piles of money they made.
They have only a short time for that, before they fly to
New Zealand or Australia to work their ski season.

Some of them are voicing concerns that with the cooling caused
by the Gullible Warming talk, pretty soon there won't be
any "home" time in between Alpine and Down-Under work, 
or even overlap, which could cause problems getting their 
old jobs back. Must be rough to be a ski-bum!

They are not really bums, they just call themselves that.
They work 8 - 12 hours, 7 days a week, making beds or cooking
or waitressing or bussing or similar jobs all season.
No days off. But after or before work, they ski for 8 - 12
hours, and afterwards, they flirt the tourists into paying
for their booze. 
It's a rough life, but they come back every year, until 
some tourist marries them and nails them down.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. --- John F. Kennedy (1917 - 1963) A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats. --- Howard Aiken No kidding!
An elderly man was standing in front of the ticket office in Grand Central Station. A picture of utter helplessness, it was clear something was horribly wrong with him. He stood with his elbows pressed closely at his side. His forearms were rigidly extended before him and his palms were turned towards each other about ten inches apart. Apparently, the man was paralyzed. A young woman approached him. "Can I do anything to help you?" she asked. "Oh, thank you. Please put your hand in my coat pocket and take out money to buy me a ticket to Philadelphia." The woman complied. She bought the ticket and accompanied the crippled man on the train, to make sure he was settled before leaving him. "I hope you have a complete recovery. Are you visiting an out of town specialist?" "A specialist," replied the cripple. "Why should I go to a specialist?" "To treat you for the trouble with your hands." "But, I have no trouble with my hands." "Of course you have trouble with your hands. Why, you couldn't even reach into your pocket to get the money to buy your ticket." "Oh, you're wondering why my hands are like this. My wife asked me that when I go to Philadelphia to buy her a pairs of shoes. This is her size."
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang. In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook. As it fell, it hit the family dog, which leaped up, howling and barking. The woman's three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams. The woman mumbled some colorful words. She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband's voice on the other end say, "Nobody's said hello yet, but it certainly sounds as if I have the right number."
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2An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Edwin Esmurria, 30, Largo, Florida Dr. James Aune, 59, chair of the communications department at Texas A&M University Registered Sex Offender Extorts Pervert Pervert chickens out and commits suicide, rather than face exposure and prosecution Reported by The Smoking Gun A Louisiana man has been charged with extortion in an online sex-with-a-minor scheme that resulted in the suicide of a Texas A&M University professor. Daniel Duplaisir, 37, was scheduled to appear in U.S. District Court in Houston today to be arraigned for using the Internet and a cellular telephone to blackmail 59-year-old Dr. James Aune, who jumped off the roof of a campus building January 8, shortly after texting his alleged extorter: “Killing myself now And u will be prosecuted for black mail.” The plot, which was uncovered during the investigation of Aune’s suicide, is detailed in a chilling affidavit sworn out by FBI Special Agent Nikki Allen. The day after the death of Aune--who was chair of the communications department at Texas A&M--his wife told investigators she became aware that her husband “had become involved in sexually explicit chat with someone he met online, who was a minor, and now he was being extorted by the minor’s father.” The chat appears to have included naked pictures of the professor, who is pictured above. Prosecutors allege that the “minor” Aune met on the Internet was actually Duplaisir, a Metairie man with a history of luring men online for blackmail. According to his daughter --who was a victim in a 2011 sexual battery at the hands of her father-- Duplaisir used her pictures and videos “to scam men.” The daughter said they created a site on MocoSpace where they would reel in victims and “then Daniel would call them and say how she was his daughter and how she would need counseling and they had to pay for it.” The plot appears to have paid off for Duplaisir until the tragic unraveling of the “relationship” between Aune and “Karen Mccall,” the fictitious girl with whom the professor had connected. Investigators were able to confirm several payments sent from Aune to Duplaisir, but the blackmailer-- playing the role of the incensed father of "Karen"-- appears to have upped the ante, asking for a $5000 payment earlier this year. A series of e-mails and texts record Aune's desperate attempts to negotiate a deal with Duplaisir in the hours leading up to the professor's leap from the campus rooftop. About two hours before the suicide, Duplaisir wrote to Aune, “If I do not hear from you I swear to God Almighty that the police, your place of employment, students, ALL OVER THE INTERNET …ALL OF THEM will be able to see your conversations, texts, pictures you sent.” Two hours later, Aune responded with “Killing myself now And u will be prosecuted for black mail.” It took a few months for the second part of the professor’s message to come true. They probably tried to set up a sting for one more extortion case, but apparently Duplaisir was too cagey to fall for that. Tech Support Pits From: Jordan Re: Back-Up program Dar Webby, I need a practical system for backup. The files that I add or change are mostly jokes, recipes, music (written not recorded), and CAD drawings. Currently there aren't a lot of these, but I would hate to lose any. And there are financial records that, at best, I have to re-enter. A thumb drive holds all I need, but when I try to copy to it... I have to okay the override of each unchanged file. I'm sure you can give me a simple way to be sure I have info saved and won't have to start from scratch if my hard drive gets contaminated. Thank you Jordan Dear Jordan Use DOS ! START cmd then type xcopy /? to learn all the different "switches", that you can use with xcopy. Be prepared to have your socks blown off! The xcopy command has been in use by some of us since the mid 1980's. Open a plain text file, NOT word processor! Just plain text, and save it as backup.bat If you use Notepad, be careful with the saving. Some @#$%& at Microsoft has decided that it would be a good idea to stab you in the back and secretly rename the file during saving and add .txt to the end. Make a list of all the switches, that you want to use, for example the one that overwrites only if the source is newer than the destination. Then make a list of all the sources, and their backup destinations Now you are ready to write your own back-up program. Yes, Mr Programmer! At the top write ECHO /B /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z (or whatever YOUR favorite list of switches is) Then xcopy, your list of sitches, a source and it's destination on the same line like this: xcopy /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z e:\alpha\eudora\*.* H:\alpha\eudora That copies ALL the files, that are newer at the source e:\alpha\eudora\*.* including all the subdirectories to H:\alpha\eudora It does not waste time with files, that are the same on both sides. With huge folders, that can make a BIG difference! Then do the next line the same way: xcopy switches source destination If you want to back up just a file, not an entire folder and all it's sub-directories inside it, then just type that file name for the source. *.* is just a convenient wildcard meaning ANYTHING.ANYTHING Put the entire wish list there in the same manner, one command per line. Then you can add some comments to be echoed to the screen, yeah we used weird terms in the stone age, for example: ECHO Eudora backed up Then at the end of the messages, type PAUSE That will pause the program and ask you to hit ANY key. Yes, that is where all the old Any Key jokes come from, from that PAUSE line. If you write a back-up program for your spouse, you can be funny and after the PAUSE line type ECHO Not THAT one! PAUSE Go ahead, try it! That is all there is to it. You can also back up to an external USB hard drive or to another machine, if you are on a network. Nothing to buy. Xcopy has been at the core, available free since the mid 1980's Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Product Review: Water Armour I found this product online. It is called Water Armour and makes the water just run off your shower doors and tiles too. Soap scum doesn't stick either so clean up is fast and easy and it seems to last forever! They say you can use it on counter tops and even car windshields. It is amazing! By Sassie321 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

A marine biologist was telling his friends about some of his most recent research findings. "Some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles," he said. "What the heck would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked his sarcastic friend. "I can't be sure," he expert said, "but it sounds something like 'Can you hear me now?'"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
*"The license fee for altered dogs with a certificate will be $3 and for pets owned by senior citizens who have not been altered the fee will be $1.50." *"Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on 'Destructive Pests.' A large number were present." *"The ladies of the county medical society auxiliary plan to publish a cookbook. Part of the money will go to the Samaritan Hospital to purchase a stomach pump."
» Warm & Cold Blooded


Today, March 29, in
1461 - Edward IV secured his claim to the English throne by
  defeating Henry VI’s Lancastrians at the battle of Towdon.
1638 First permanent European settlement in Delaware
1847 U.S. troops under General Winfield Scott took possession 
  of the Mexican stronghold at Vera Cruz.
1848 Niagara Falls stopped flowing for one day due to an ice jam.
1867 The British Parliament passed the North America Act to 
  create the Dominion of Canada.
1901 The first federal elections were held in Australia.
1903 A regular news service began between New York and London 
  on Marconi's wireless.
1906 In the U.S., 500,000 coal miners walked off the job 
  seeking higher wages.
1916 The Italians call off the fifth attack on Isonzo.
1936 Italy firebombed the Ethiopian city of Harar.
1941 The British sank five Italian warships off the 
  Peloponnesus coast in the Mediterranean.
1943 In the U.S. rationing of meat, butter and cheese began 
  during World War II.
1951 The Chinese reject MacArthur's offer for truce in Korea.
1951 In the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were 
  convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage. They were 
  executed in June 19, 1953.
1962 Cuba opened the trial of the Bay of Pigs invaders.
1967 France launched its first nuclear submarine.
1971 Lt. William Calley Jr., of the U.S. Army, was found guilty 
  of the premeditated murder of at least 22 Vietnamese civilians. 
  He was sentenced to life imprisonment. The trial was the result 
  of the My Lai massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968.
1971 A jury in Los Angeles recommended the death penalty for 
  Charles Manson and three female followers for the 1969 
  Tate-La Bianca murders. The death sentences were later 
  commuted to live in prison.
1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam.
1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first 
  spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. It had been 
  launched on November 3, 1973.
1975 Egyptian president Anwar Sadat declared that he would 
  reopen the Suez Canal on June 5, 1975.
1979 The Committee on Assassinations Report issued by U.S. 
  House of Representatives stated the assassination of 
  President John F. Kennedy was the result of a conspiracy.
1992 Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton said 
  "I didn't inhale and I didn't try it again" in reference 
  to when he had experimented with marijuana. 
  Nobody believed him.
1993 The South Korean government agreed to pay financial 
  support to women who had been forced to have sex with 
  Japanese troops during World War II.
1995 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a constitutional 
  amendment that would have limited terms to 12 years in the 
  U.S. House and Senate.
2004 Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia 
  and Slovenia became members of NATO
2013  smiled


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How do I make the Degree symbol ? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, March 28.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

No human thing is of serious importance. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) Humor is just another defense against the universe. --- Mel Brooks (1926 - ) Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons. --- Will Cuppy
Thanks to Hope for this report: It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, HE MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect none for himself 52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes 54. give her authority, but never expect her to be responsible, because after all, it is the man's fault for giving her the authority. 55. give her the last word, no matter what the cost to his life and limb AND IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget:* birthdays, * anniversaries and * arrangements she makes with or without telling him about them. How To Make A Man Happy: 1. Show up naked 2. Fix him something to eat
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

Addendum to yesterday's Jedi part by Martha You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If... You got "4x4" painted on each of your X-wings. You have an older model X-wing up on blocks in your yard, right beside the (Plymouth) Fury, in which you claim, the Lord drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden Of Eden.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Edwin Esmurria, 30, Largo, Florida Registered Child Sex Offender Jailed for molesting toddler Reported by The Weekly Vice Edwin Esmurria, a 30-year-old Florida man, was jailed Saturday after he allegedly broke into Pinellas County home and molested a 3-year-old girl. According to the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, Esmurria entered the home early Saturday morning, climbed into bed with a 3-year-old girl and then proceeded to molest the child. The girl's brother, who was sleeping in the same room, ran to his mother's room for help when he awoke to find Esmurria in the room. Investigators say the mother attacked Esmurria, and a fight ensued. When a second person entered the room and intervened, Esmurria fled the scene. Deputies tracked Esmurria down and took him into custody. Esmurria, a registered sex offender, was booked into the Pinellas County Jail and charged with sexual battery on a child under 12, and two counts of battery. Esmurria was not granted bail on the sex charge and is now awaiting trial. Esmurria was sentenced to prison time in 2007 after he was found guilty of lewd and lascivious battery on a minor aged 12-15. Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: Degree Symbol Dear Webby, I have belonged to this group for support in all areas of our lives and we use message boards a lot in there, I have one that asked people what the weather is like in their neighborhood cause its a worldwide club. My question is this. Is there any way i can make the temperature symbol that we use here in America? Any assistance would be greatly appreciated. Randall Dear Randall I use ALT 167 to get the degree symbol: º You do need a numeric key pad for that, like you got on a regular keyboard. If you don't have a numeric keypad, copy it from here, º or from the page I made ages ago for that at http://webby.com/char.html If you have the desktop Post-It-Notes, you can put often used characters onto one like this: º € £ © etc., Then you can just copy them from there whenever you need one of them. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ammonia To Whiten Clothes I found a way to whiten and brighten my clothes without bleach or Oxyclean, which I am allergic to. I take a bucket of approximately 1/2 gallon of very warm to hot water and 1 cup of lemon ammonia. I start with my lightest color or white garment that has turned dingy or gray and put it in the bucket. I swirl it all around with a stick. I take it out, wring it out and throw it in the washer. Then I go to the next lightest garment. If I should run low on this mixture, I just add another 1/2 gallon of very warm water and another cup of lemon ammonia then load the washer with the other clothes. If there's any solution left, I just dump it in the washer and start the load in the usual manner. On occasion, I put a cup of white vinegar in the rinse water. I've never had my clothes smell like ammonia and the ammonia is much gentler on the fabric then bleach. Source: I noticed my cleaning rags would come out cleaner when I use ammonia so I gave it a try. By Babbie from Lemon Grove, CA WARNING: Never use bleach if you use ammonia! If you mix ammonia nad bleach, you create poison gas! Don't allow any experiments involving ammonia or bleach! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice that all others could hear, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One night at the dinner table, the wife commented, "When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller; You don't love me any more..." "Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."
» Warm & Cold Blooded


Today, March 28, in
1738 English parliament declares war on Spain (War of 
  Jenkin's Ear) 
1774 Britain passed the Coercive Act against Massachusetts.
1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine.
1834 The U.S. Senate voted to censure President Jackson for 
  the removal of federal deposits from the Bank of the 
  United States.
1854 The Crimean War began with Britain and France declaring 
  war on Russia.
1865 Outdoor advertising legislation was enacted in New York. 
  The law banned "painting on stones, rocks and trees."
1885 The Salvation Army was officially organized in the U.S.
1898 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a child born in the 
  U.S. to Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen. This meant 
  that they could not be deported under the Chinese Exclusion
  Act.
1905 The U.S. took full control over Dominican revenues.
1908 Automobile owners lobbied the U.S. Congress, supporting 
  a bill that called for vehicle licensing and federal 
  registration.
1910 The first seaplane took off from water at Martinques, France. 
1933 In Germany, the Nazis ordered a ban on all Jews in 
  businesses, professions and schools.
1938 In Italy, psychiatrists demonstrated the use of electric-shock 
  therapy for treatment of certain mental illnesses.
1939 The Spanish Civil War ended as Madrid fell to Francisco Franco.
1941 The Italian fleet was defeated by the British at the Battle 
  of Matapan.
1945 Germany launched the last of the V-2 rockets
1979 A major accident occurred at Pennsylvania's Three Mile Island 
  nuclear power plant. A nuclear power reactor overheated and 
  suffered a partial meltdown.
1986 The U.S. Senate passed $100 million aid package for the 
   Nicaraguan contras.
1986 More than 6,000 radio stations of all format varieties 
  played "We are the World" simultaneously at 10:15 a.m. EST.
1990 In Britain, a joint Anglo-U.S. "sting" operation ended 
  with the seizure of 40 capacitors, which can be used in the 
  trigger mechanism of a nuclear weapon.
2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal to 
  buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit.
2013  smiled


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Print only selected parts 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, March 26.

A few people asked me why Connie's book is so checp at
The Teachable Minute.
What you can do there is Pre-Order the book, before it is
delivered to the book stores. Pre-orders are a method for
creating word-of-mouth advertising for books and music.
They are confident, that you will brag about it, and get 
others interested, and that by the time the book hits 
the book stores, there will be good demand for it.

Some experts in the publishing field, like for example 
the great hypmotist Dr Joe Vitale, even get hundreds of 
people to offer free bonuses, if you buy a certain book 
of his on a certain day, so that he can claim to have
an Amazon BestSeller. (for a day)

Connie isn't using any stunts or hypnotizing a herd of
shills, she just offers you a really good deal by pre-
ordering her book.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police." --- Jeff Marder
At the company water cooler, Joe bragged about his children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a yearlong research project in India. One co-worker's quip, however, stopped him short. "What is it about you," he asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?"
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If... You call your young apprentice, "Junior" Your landspeeder has a gun rack. You call Yoda your Li'l green buddy. You have ever used a lightsaber to light the barbecue grill. Your Jedi robe is camouflage colored. At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored. You can describe the taste of an Ewok. You have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing or bowling. Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son, come on over t' the dark side...it'll be a hoot." You got your lightsaber by sending in 750 Skoal Lids. You have ever used a lightsaber to skin a deer. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder. You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard. The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters. You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial. You've used a storm trooper helmet as a spitoon. You feel that duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together. You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all." You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca. You use your lightsabor as a bug zapper
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Takeya Clemons, 19, Dayton, OH Jailed After Having Sex With Minor Girl, Posting Video Of Encounter On Facebook Takeya Clemons, a 19-year-old Ohio woman, was jailed after she had sex with an underage girl, video-recorded the encounter, and then uploaded the video to Facebook. According to Montgomery County prosecutors, Clemons was charged on Thursday and her case will now go before a Montgomery County Grand Jury. Investigators say Clemons had sex with a 16-year-old girl, created a video of the sexual encounter, and then uploaded the video to Facebook when the two had a falling out. Facebook removed the video and terminated the offending account after they had been notified about the video. Clemons was booked into jail and charged with pandering sexually oriented material involving a minor. Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Print Selected parts only Dear Webby, glad you noted the bit about inflating the life jacket after - I'm very surprised he was able to get out of a helicopter - there are many from which exit is extremely tight even without a life preserver - I need some tech help - I occasionally get an email with some interesting text (not an attachment) that I would like to copy - all I get when I open "file" and to the print tab is the letter heading - nothing that has been typed - and I am lousy at "highlighting" - wonder why it just doesn't copy whatever is on the screen? Bill Dear Bill I remember a stew, I think it was on Scare North on a DC3 with the back cargo door permanently duck-taped and sealed, telling us that if somebody inflated their life jacket before they were out the door and in the water, it was no problem at all. She said she had a special poker to let their air out, and showed us a wicked looking dagger with a nice thrusting motion. "If I poke a bit too deep, just say "OhhhAhrrrrghh!" She got her point across. Re selection copying: Use your mouse with the left button held down to smear and select what you want. When that is highlighted, hit CTRL C to copy. After that, you can jump to any other program, for example a Word Processor, open a new document or put the cursor into an existing one, and hit CRL V CTRL V will paste the copied selection right where you got the cursor. If you forgot to precisely place the cursor, it barfs the stuff right where the cursor is. In that case, hit CTRL Z to undo the paste job, put the cursor where it should be, and hit CTRL V to paste. Other keys will do the same, but CTRL C and CTRL V allow you to do it with the left hand, without having to take the right hand off the mouse. If you want to print the selection, make sure the stuff you want is highlighted, Hit CTRL P to print Click on "Print Selection Only" and hit OK. You can also click on Page Set-up and adjust the ZOOM. If it's just a smart-ass quote by you or another great philosopher, you might want to turn the page to Landscape and zoom the writing to 300%. You can adjust all those things in Page Set-up, and even preview the print job. "OOOPS, 300% is a bit too big, let's try 250%." When it looks right, then hit PRINT. Selecting portions should be as easy as falling into bed at 5 am. Put the cursor at the start of what you want to select, hold down the left mouse button, and with it still held down, drag to the end of what you want copied. Let go and without moving the mouse, hit CTRL C to copy. If that does not work properly and consistently every time, then your mouse has a problem. Mice are cheap. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cover Keyboard With Plastic Wrap Having JUST replaced our keyboard (thanks to a kitten and milk disaster), I put a sheet of the self-sealing saran wrap over the keyboard. It stretches enough to allow the keys to be pressed, and does a marvelous job at keeping the crud out of the keyboard! By Eileen from Elk Grove, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the woman behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" she yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man came into a gun shop and asked to see a shotgun. The clerk, seeing that the customer was well-dressed and pro- bably had a well-padded pocketbook, showed him a Belgian handcrafted mother of pearl inlay weapon and demonstrated its fine points. A bargain at $12,000. The customer says, "No, not quite what I need." Then the clerk brings out an English model and shows off its fine points. A steal at only $7,500. The customer says, "No, I don't need anything that fancy." The clerk, disappointed, shows the customer a Winchester 'over and under' mass production model. Only $299.95. The customer says, "That will do nicely. After all, it's an informal wedding."
» The Bone Boneyard


Today, March 27, in
1350 While besieging Gibraltar Alfonso XI of Castile 
  died of the Black Death.
1794 The U.S. Congress and President Washington authorized 
  the creation of the U.S. Navy.
1802 The Treaty of Amiens was signed ending the French
  Revolutionary War.
1814 U.S. troops under Gen. Andrew Jackson defeated the 
  Creek Indians at Horshoe Bend in Northern Alabama.
1836 The first Mormon temple was dedicated in Kirtland, OH.
1841 The first steam fire engine was tested in New York City.
1860 The corkscrew was patented by M.L. Byrn.
1899 The first international radio transmission between 
  England and France was achieved by the Italian inventor 
  G. Marconi.
1900 The London Parliament passed the War Loan Act that 
  gave 35 million pounds to the Boer War cause in 
  South Africa.
1900 The Russian army mobilized 250,000 troops
1907 French troops occupied Oudja, Morocco, as a 
  punitive action for the murder of French Dr. Muchamp.
1931 Actor Charlie Chaplin received France’s Legion 
  of Honor decoration.
1941 Tokeo Yoshikawa arrived in Oahu, HI, and began spying 
  for Japan on the U.S. Fleet at Pearl Harbor.
1942 The British raided the Nazi submarine base at 
  St. Nazaire, France.
1944 One-thousand Jews left Drancy, France, 
  for the Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland.
1944 Thousands of Jews were murdered in Kaunas, Lithuania.
1946 Four-month strikes at both General Electric and 
  General Motors ended with a small wage increase.
1952 The U.S. Eighth Army reached the 38th parallel 
  in Korea, the original dividing line between Koreas.
1958 The U.S. announced a plan to explore space near the moon.
1964 An earthquake in Alaska killed 114 people and 
  registered 8.4 on the Richter Scale.
1968 Yuri Gagarin, the first man to orbit the earth, 
  died in a plane crash.
1976 Washington, DC, opened its subway system.
1977 About 570 people died when a KLM 747 and a 
  Pan Am 747 collided with each other on a foggy 
  runway on the Canary Island of Tenerife.
1989 The U.S. anti-missile satellite failed the 
  first test in space.
1992 Police in Philadelphia, PA, arrested a man with 
  AIDS on charges that he may have infected several 
  hundred teenage boys with HIV through sexual relations.
1997 2 million Russian workers held a nationwide strike 
  to protest unpaid wages.
1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved the drug Viagra.
1998 Top civilian aircraft makers in France, Spain, 
  Germany and Britain agreed to create a single European 
  aerospace and defense company.
1998 Ax-wielders killed at least 52 people in southern 
  Algeria, most of which were toddlers.
2004 NASA successfully launched an unpiloted X-43A 
  jet that hit Mach 7 (about 5,000 mph).
2006 Zacarias Moussaoui testified in his federal trail 
  that he was supposed to hijack a fifth airplane 
  on September 11, 2001, and fly it into the White House.
2007 NFL owners voted to make instant replay a permanent 
  officiating tool.
2013  smiled


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Alternatives to DSL 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, March 26.

Dr Connie Hiebert, a facebook friend suggested that I tell you
about her book about helping kids grow smart & appreciative:
The Teachable Minute.
If you need some ammo in that field, go check it out!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining? --- George Wallace There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn. --- Albert Camus (1913 - 1960)
>From D Although many men in our rural area have difficulty accepting women's lib, my husband helps with the housework. One day he took over the vacuuming while I went to the store. The doorbell rang. It was one of his friends, a burly ranch foreman clad in a battered cowboy hat, faded jeans and worn boots. "I was just cleaning," my husband said somewhat abashed, turning off the vacuum. The rancher looked relieved. "That's all right," he said gruffly, handing my husband a white paper bag. "I'm delivering Avon!"
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter- viewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied. "WOW! Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed. "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it."
Click on the picture for the large version Church in Kiev, Ukraine
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alfredo Malespini III, 31, in Bradford, PA Fed Prison guard shoots his own finger Reported by NY Daily News and others A federal prison guard has been charged with shooting his own finger in a drunken attempt to remove his wedding ring during an argument with his wife at their northwestern Pennsylvania home, police said. A criminal complaint said Bradford police were called just before 9 p.m. March 2 and were met by Alfredo Malespini III, 31, who told officers he was "trying to get rid of his wedding ring" and decided to "shoot it off." The gunshot badly mangled Malespini's finger, but didn't remove the ring, police said. At the time of the shooting in Bradford, which is near the New York border about 130 miles northeast of Pittsburgh, Malespini was employed as a lieutenant at the Federal Correctional Institution-McKean, a medium security prison a few miles away. Malespini was taken to UPMC Hamot hospital where he was treated for the gunshot wound and also for mental or emotional issues, Caskey said. Police have been called to the Malespini residence a "couple times" previously for domestic disputes, but Caskey said he doesn't believe Malespini had ever been charged with a crime before. On the day of the shooting, Malespini "had been drinking quite heavily throughout the day and he and his wife had been arguing throughout the day about an affair he had had several months ago," Caskey said. Malespini has been charged with disorderly conduct and was cited for firing a weapon within city limits but also is charged with reckless endangerment, a second-degree misdemeanor punishable by up to two years in prison. That's because the bullet Malespini fired could have endangered someone else, Caskey said. Tech Support Pits From: Bernie Re: DSL Alternatives Dear Webby, My ISP don't offer DSL in this area because we are so rural. What other choices do I have for a higher speed Internet. This dialup is just too slow. I really enjoy your newsletter and Vote everyday. Thanks much, Bernie Dear Bernie Without knowing exactly where you live, it's difficult to make a suggestion. If you have cable TV, then you usually can get RR (Rural Route or Road Runner). That is even faster than DSL. If you don't have cable TV, there is Satellite DSL. It's expensive, and a bit flakey, but a lot of people in the deep South use it. The satellites are getting better and people further and further North are using it in rural areas. With Satellite DSL you get fast downloads when the weather is clear, but uploads are via your regular dial-up. If you never upload web pages and pictures, then that is not a problem. You can also continue to use your current Dial-Up for anything, that does not have to be fast. For example, usually email is just as fast on Dial-Up as it is on DSL. During snow storms or heavy rain, the satellite DSL has connectivity problems and will be intermittent. If you just use the metered Satellite DSL when speed is important, you can reduce your costs, however, if you have kids, who like downloading music, stick with cheap, unmetered Dial-Up. If you are in an area, where you can use a cell phone, then you can use an "Air Card" or similar cellular modem. You can get pretty good speed with an Air Card SOME of the time. At other times it will be slow. Cost is definitely a lot more than for Dial-Up, but in some areas, it may be your only solution. Air Cards get through storms, when Satellite DSL doesn't. Verizon is one of the providers, that have Air Cards. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Clothespins Who doesn't want to save a little money and keep numerous dry goods fresher longer? Head to your laundry room and grab all the cloths pegs you can. Wooden ones are cheaper to buy. Keep a stash in your "go to" kitchen drawer. Use a clothes peg to seal up the wax bags in all your cereal boxes, tube of opened crackers, and bags of chips, pretzels, and other snack food. Discard those tie wraps from loaves of bread and replace with a cloths peg. Use them in the refrigerator as well for bags of lettuce, cheese, and even frozen goods. If you start your garden from seed, as I do, use them to reseal the seed packages and you can even write on the wooden pegs with planting info. I'm sure you'll find many more uses too! By Angie from Russellville, KY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

>From Arthur When I was still in middle management, I had a reputation at work for being a strict boss. One day I was in the break room with another manager. I reached into the refrigerator for my lunch, which was packed in a Ace Hardware paper bag. My co-worker stopped in mid-bite and stared at me, looking a little tense. When I pulled my sandwich out of the bag, he sighed in relief. "What's the matter?" I asked him. "Uh, nothing," he replied. "I was just beginning to think you really DO eat nails for lunch."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Dan While ferrying workers back and forth from our offshore oil rig, the helicopter I was in lost power and went down. Fortunately, it landed safely in the lake. Struggling to get out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his life vest, and jerked open the exit door. "Don't jump!" the pilot yelled. "This thing is supposed to float!" As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he yelled back, "Yeah, and it's supposed to FLY too!" ------------------------ By the way, you are NOT supposed to inflate the life jacket until AFTER you are through the door. You might not make it through the door with an inflated life jacket, and really annoy the people behind you.
» Orcinus Orca


Today, March 26, in
1026 Conrad II crowned Holy Roman Emperor by Pope John XIX
1799 Napoleon captured Jaffa Palestine.
1793 The Holy Roman Emperor formally declared war on France.
1804 The U.S. Congress ordered the removal of Indians east of 
  the Mississippi to Louisiana.
1885 Eastman Kodak (Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co.) produced 
  the first commercial motion picture film in Rochester, NY.
1898 In South Africa, the world's first game reserve, the 
  Sabi Game reserve, was designated.
1909 Russian troops invaded Persia to support Muhammad Ali as 
  shah in place of the constitutional government.
1910 The U.S. Congress passed an amendment to the 1907 
  Immigration Act that barred criminals, paupers, anarchists 
  and carriers of disease from settling in the U.S.
1917 At the start of the battle of Gaza, the British cavalry 
  withdrew when 17,000 Turks blocked their advance.
1937 Spinach growers in Crystal City, TX, erected a statue of Popeye.
1938 Herman Goering warned all Jews to leave Austria.
1942 The Germans began sending Jews to Auschwitz in Poland.
1945 The battle of Iwo Jima ended.
1945 In the Aleutians, the battle of Komandorski began when 
  the Japanese attempted to reinforce a garrison at Kiska 
  and were intercepted by a U.S. naval force.
1958 The U.S. Army launched America's third successful 
  satellite, Explorer III.
1971 Sheikh Mujibur Rahman declared East Pakistan to be the 
  independent republic of Bangladesh.
1973 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat took over the premiership 
  and said "the stage of total confrontation (with Israel) 
  has become inevitable."
1979 The Camp David treaty was signed by Israel and Egypt 
  that ended the 31-year state of war between the countries.
1989 The first free elections took place in the Soviet Union. 
  Boris Yeltsin was elected.
1991 The presidents of Argentina, Paraguay, Brazil and Uruguay 
  signed an agreement that established the Southern Cone 
  Common Market, a free-trade zone, by January 1, 1995.
1992 In Indianapolis, heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson 
  was found guilty of rape. He was sentenced to 6 years in prison. 
  He only served three.
1995 Seven of the 15 European Union states abolished border controls.
1996 The International Monetary Fund approved a $10.2 billion 
  loan for Russia to help the country transform its economy.
1997 The 39 bodies of Heaven's Gate members are found in a 
  mansion in Rancho Santa Fe, CA. The group had committed 
  suicide thinking that they would be picked up by a spaceship 
  following behind the comet Hale-Bopp.
1998 In the U.S., the Federal government endorses new HIV test 
  that yields instant results.
1999 In Michigan, Dr. Jack Kevorkian was convicted of second-degree 
  murder for giving a terminally ill man a lethal injection and 
  putting it all on videotape on September 17, 1998 for "60 Minutes."
2000 The Seattle Kingdome was imploded to make room for a new 
  football arena. I remember watching that live over the 
  Internet. It was awesome!
2000 In Russia, acting President Vladimir Putin was elected 
  president.
2013  smiled


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No tools in Spybot? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, March 25.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) There is only one you... Don't you dare change just because you're outnumbered! --- Charles Swindoll Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers. --- T. S. Eliot (1888 - 1965)
As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "YOU ? Making your own bed every morning?"
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department, admiring a set of weights. "Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I promise I'll use 'em every day." "I don't know, Michael. It's really a commitment on your part," the father pointed out. "Please, Dad?" the boy continued. "They're not cheap either," the father came back. "I'll use 'em Dad, I promise. You'll see." Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. From the corner of the store he heard his son yelp, "What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dustin Stirewalt, 20 of Grace Church Road, SALISBURY, NC Smelly Dope Reported by The Weekly Vice Police in North Carolina said the odor of freshly-sprayed cologne at a traffic checkpoint led to the discovery marijuana and pills. The Salisbury Police Department said Officer J.R. Cable became suspicious when he detected "the strong odor of freshly sprayed cologne" coming from a vehicle at a traffic checkpoint and searched the vehicle. Cable discovered marijuana and pills in the vehicle, police said. Dustin Stirewalt, 20, was jailed on three counts of drug possession. He was released after posting $5,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: No tools in spybot Dear Webby, in my copy of " spybot-search & destroy " there is no "tools" listed. is there a newer version available? daniel Dear Daniel Switch to advanced mode, then you see the tools in the left bottom. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mesh Bag for Cleaning Cookie Cutters Use the mesh bag from your next turkey to throw your cookie cutters into. Place the mesh and cookie cutters in your dish washer making sure that the end is closed and placed over a prong. The cutters can swish around and not get thrown around. Cleaning is a breeze this way. By Louella from Billings, MT You can use 5 lb Onion bags for washing drooled on and dirty lego blocks and small toys. Works fine in the sink too. Just get your toddler to swish around the noisy bag for a while, then rinse it. Because it makes noise, they love doing it. They will even put the blocks into the onion bag after playing. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

The choir director selected the 6-year-old little boy with the sweetest face for the opening scene of the play. "Now, all you have to do is, when I direct the choir to sing '...and the angel lit the candle', you come on stage and light all the candles." "I can do it - I can do it!" the little boy said, excited to be the one picked. Rehearsals came and went, and finally the big night arrived. The choir was in grand voice, the stage was beautifully decorated with dozens of unlit candles all around, awaiting the moment when the cute littlest angel made his interest. The director gave the downbeat, the orchestra began to play, and the choir swept into the introductory lines, ending with an expectant "...and the angel lit the candle," and everyone looked stage right for the entrance. No little boy. The director gave the downbeat again, and gestured for a louder line, which the choir gave him - "...and the angel lit the candle," and again, all eyes looked stage right. No little boy. The director, beginning to sweat, motioned with great, sweeping gestures, and the choir thundered into the line - the curtains belled slightly from the sound - "...AND THE ANGEL LIT THE CANDLE!" And into the silence which followed came a clear, boy-soprano voice floating piercingly from stage right "...and my sister took my lighter!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A little girl notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "All of grandma's hairs are white. You must have been really evil!"
» Seeing Legs


Today, March 25, in
0421 The city of Venice was founded.
1306 Robert the Bruce was crowned king of Scotland.
1409 The Council of Pisa opened.
1634 Lord Baltimore founded the Catholic colony of Maryland.
1655 Puritans jailed Governor Stone after a military 
  victory over Catholic forces in the colony of Maryland.
1669 Mount Etna in Sicily erupted destroying Nicolosi. 
  20,000 people were killed.
1700 England, France and Netherlands ratify the 
  2nd Extermination Treaty.
1807 The first railway passenger service began in England.
1807 British Parliament abolished the slave trade.
1821 Greece gained independence from Turkey.
1856 A. E. Burnside patented Burnside carbine.
1857 Frederick Laggenheim took the first photo of a 
  solar eclipse.
1865 The SS General Lyon at Cape Hatteras caught fire 
  and sank. 400 people were killed.
1879 Japan invaded the kingdom of Liuqiu (Ryukyu) Islands, formerly a vassal of China.
1895 Italian troops invaded Abyssinia (Ethiopia).
1900 The U.S. Socialist Party was formed in Indianapolis.
1901 The Mercedes was introduced by Daimler at the 
  five-day "Week of Nice" in Nice, France.
1901 It was reported in Washington, DC, that Cubans were 
  beginning to fear annexation.
1905 Russia received Japan's terms for peace.
1909 In Russia, revolutionary Popova was arrested 
  on 300 murder charges.
1911 In New York City, 146 women were killed in fire at the 
  Triangle Shirtwaist Company in New York City. The owners 
  of the company were indicted on manslaughter charges 
  because some of the employees had been behind locked 
  doors in the factory. The owners were later acquitted 
  and in 1914 they were ordered to pay damages to each 
  of the twenty-three families that had sued.
1915 21 people died when a U.S. F-4 submarine sank off 
  the Hawaiian coast.
1919 The Paris Peace Commission adopted a plan to protect 
  nations from the influx of foreign labor.
1940 The U.S. agreed to give Britain and France access 
  to all American warplanes.
1947 A coalmine explosion in Centralia, IL, killed 111 people.
1953 The USS Missouri fired on targets at Kojo, North Korea.
1954 RCA manufactured its first color TV set
1957 The European Economic Community was established 
  with the signing of the Treaty of Rome.
1960 A guided missile was launched from a nuclear powered 
  submarine for the first time.
1970 The Concorde made its first supersonic flight.
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan ordered emergency aid for 
  the Honduran army. U.S. helicopters took Honduran troops 
  to the Nicaraguan border.
1990 A fire in Happy Land, an illegal New York City social 
  club, killed 87 people.
1990 Estonia voted for independence from the Soviet Union.
1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein launched a major 
 counter-offensive to recapture key towns from Kurds 
 in northern Iraq.
1992 Soviet cosmonaut Sergei Krikalev returned to Earth after
  spending 10 months aboard the orbiting Mir space station.
1993 President de Klerk admitted that South Africa had 
  built six nuclear bombs, but said that they had 
  since been dismantled.
1996 An 81-day standoff by the antigovernment Freemen 
  began at a ranch near Jordan, MT.
1998 The FCC nets $578.6 million at auction for 
  licenses for new wireless technology.
2004 The U.S. Senate voted (61-38) on the Unborn Victims 
  of Violence Act (H.R. 1997) to make it a separate crime 
  to harm a fetus during the commission of a violent 
  federal crime.
2013  smiled


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Is this the end of MSN Mail ? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, March 24.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Love does not dominate; it cultivates. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. --- William G. McAdoo
If you tell the Navy to secure a building, they will turn out the lights and lock the door. If you tell the Army to secure a building, they will occupy it and forbid entry to those without a pass. If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault with heavy fire, crater the building, and call for an air strike to make sure. If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will negotiate a three year lease with an option to buy.
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

From Bobbie: On vacation this year I went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from our resort to participate in a cattle drive. After watching 50 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, I rode up to the ranchowner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and a dog."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Derwayne Sharp, 38, Greensboro, N.C. Jailed for Sexually Assaulting Child And Dog Reported by The Weekly Vice Derwayne Sharp, a 38-year-old North Carolina bonehead, has been jailed after he allegedly raped a child and sexually assaulted a dog. According to the Guilford County Sheriff's Office, Sharp is accused of sexually assaulting a young girl and a dog. Although the alleged crime reportedly took place in 2005, an investigation hadn't been launched into the matter until January of this year. Sharp was arrested on January 11th and was charged with sexual exploitation of a minor. Those charges were upgraded on Monday to first-degree rape of a child, crimes against nature, sexual offense with a child, taking indecent liberties with children and two counts of sexual exploitation of a minor. Sharp's bond has been set at $525,000. He made an initial court appearance on Tuesday and is expected back in court some time next week. Tech Support Pits From: Penny Re: MSN Problems Dear Webby Just wondering, Did MSN change to Outlook, or did I do something to change my Hotmail to Outlook??? I don't like it. And what can I do to go back to MSN? Also...We'd REALLY appreciate it if you'd stop sending the cold and snow to Ohio !!! Penny Dear Penny MSN mail is dead or dying. Just like Microsoft decided that Windows 7 is suitable punishment for the sins of your wild youth, so is Windows Live, that they want you to use instead of HoeMail, MSN Mail and Outlook Depressed. You have a choice: Follow the edict from the papal throne and get used to Windows Live, or be an uncouth heathen rebel and switch to Gmail or one of the classic email programs. I have used Eudora since long before there was MSN mail, and I am not about to change to a lesser program in the foreseeable future. If I had to change, I would go with Thunderbird. If you want a full-featured email program, there is a lot of choice: Eudora, the good old Rolls Royce; Pegasus, another classic, still going strong, though it may reqire reading some instructions; Thunderbird: New and slick and diligently updated by the Mozilla crew, that takes care of FireFox. And so on. By the way, you CAN use a nice and respectable Gmail adress with a full-featured land based email program. You are not restricted to use it as just WebMail. You can pull it down and manage your mail with a full-featured email program. The Webmail part of Gmail is very brief and very limited. It is good enough to quickly check your mail while at McDonalds or some other WiFi Hotspot, but not intended for proper email management. For that you use a full featured POP email program. Re the cold in Ohio: My lap is nice and warm! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frozen Drinks for Flying I flew recently out of the country and had a few bottles of thirst quencher with me. I had decided to freeze two of them, and these were the only ones that made it though the security screening. So I learned it's the only way you can carry drinks - frozen solid. By SSilva from Chicago, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

When future U.S. president William Howard Taft was president of the Philippine Commission in 1900, Secretary of War Elihu Root cabled him to ask how he was--Root had heard that Taft was ill. Taft, who weighed over 350 pounds, reassured Root by cabling that he was much better and that he had, in fact, just returned from a twenty-five-mile ride on horseback. Elihu Root cabled back, "How is the horse?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Bim Each day when I would come home from work I would drop to my knees and ask my 4-year-old son if he wanted to box. I wanted him to learn how to protect himself. We would spar around for a few minutes before supper. One day my wife and I took our son to get new shoes. The shoe salesman was fiendly and allowed my son to try on several pairs of shoes before we decided on a particular pair that he liked. We asked if he wanted to wear them home and he replied, "yes". The salesman, who was kneeling on the floor in front of our son, held the old shoes in his hands and asked, "do you want a box?" Our son stood up and punched him right on the nose and in the right eye. After grabbing our son we had to spend the next several minutes explaining why this happened. Luckilly, our salesman was also the father of a 4-year-old.
» Sweet n Sassy


Today, March 24, in
1379 The Gelderse war ended.
1545 German Parliament opened in Worms.
1720 In Paris, banking houses closed due to financial crisis.
1765 Britain passed the Quartering Act that required the American 
  colonies to house 10,000 British troops
1832 Mormon Joseph Smith was beaten, tarred and feathered in Ohio.
1837 Canada gave blacks the right to vote
1878 The British frigate Eurydice sank killing 300.
1880 The first "hail insurance company" was incorporated in 
  Connecticut. 
  It was known as Tobacco Growers’ Mutual Insurance Company.
1882 In Berlin, German scientist Robert Koch announced the 
  discovery of the tuberculosis germ (bacillus).
1898 The first US made automobile was sold.
1904 Vice Adm. Tojo sank seven Russian ships as the Japanese 
  strengthened their blockade of Port Arthur.
1906 In Mexico, the Tehuantepec Istmian Railroad opened as a 
  rival to the Panama Canal.
1906 The "Census of the British Empire" revealed that England 
  ruled 1/5 of the world.
1911 In Denmark, penal code reform abolished corporal punishment.
1924 Greece became a republic.
1927 Chinese Communists seized Nanking and break with Chiang 
  Kai-shek over the Nationalist goals.
1938 The U.S. asked that all powers help refugees fleeing 
  from the Nazis.
1946 The Soviet Union announced that it was withdrawing its 
  troops from Iran.
1955 The first oil drill seagoing rig was put into service.
1960 A U.S. appeals court ruled that the novel, 
  "Lady Chatterly’s Lover", was not obscene and could be 
  sent through the mail.
1972 Great Britain imposed direct rule over Northern Ireland.
1976 The president of Argentina, Isabel Peron, was deposed 
  by her country's military.
1989 The Exxon Valdez spilled 240,000 barrels 
 (11 million gallons) of oil in Alaska's Prince William Sound 
 after it ran aground.
1989 The U.S. decided to send humanitarian aid to the Contras.
1999 NATO launched air strikes against Yugoslavia (Serbia, 
  Montenegro, Kosovo and Vojvodina). The attacks marked the 
  first time in its 50-year history that NATO attacked a 
  sovereign country. The bombings were in response to Serbia's 
  refusal to sign a peace treaty with ethnic Albanians who 
  were seeking independence for the province of Kosovo.
1999 The 7-mile tunnel under Mont Blanc in France was an 
  inferno after a truck carrying flour and margarine caught 
  on fire. At least 30 people were killed.
2005 The government of Kyrgyzstan collapsed after opposition 
  protesters took over President Askar Akayev's presidential 
  compound and government offices.
2006 In Spain, the Basque separatist group ETA announced a 
  permanent cease-fire.
2013  smiled


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Is MSN Mail dead ? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, March 23.



They got the 3 dead and 300 injured car pile-up on the #2, 
north of where Dianne, the lady who does the Bonus links, 
lives, cleaned up.
She sent me this picture:

Apparently the Jack-Knife happened really slowly, and none
of the cattle in the trailer were hurt.
The truck needed major equipment, though, to get straightened 
out.

By the way, Dianne celebrates her 29th birthday today.
You can write to her at funk1@fire-cat.com
and wish her a happy birthday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Television has raised writing to a new low. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. --- Sacha Guitry (1885 - 1957) Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
A woman, her husband, and their three rambunctious young sons were in their car waiting at a traffic. The woman glanced over at the car next them, noticing a blissfully happy mother with her baby daughter. Looking at her husband she said, "As soon as I lose my weight from the last baby, I want to try for a daughter." The husband reached up to the dash, grabbed an open box of snacks, and said, "Here, have another cookie."
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have bad news," the doctor told his anxious Patient. "You only have six months to live." The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his Composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical Insurance. "I can't possibly pay you in that time." "Okay," the doctor said, "let's make it nine months."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Crystal Frantzen, 28, of 938 Big Hollow Road, Blountville, and Gary Lynn Tipton, 58, of 2300 Portland Ave., Kingsport. Prostitute and car seller sent to jail in Tennessee for low down haggling Reported by Haggling over the price of a car took a turn towards the illegal Wednesday morning, according to police, after reports of indecent exposure at a Blountville gas station prompted the arrest of a pair on prostitution-related charges. The female suspect allegedly admitted to performing oral sex on a man who was selling a used car, in an effort to, "get a better deal." Police report they also located 6 Valium in possession of the male suspect, prompting additional drug charges. Shortly before noon the Sullivan County Sheriff's Office began receiving multiple calls about a possible indecent exposure in progress at the BP Station, 1309 Highway 394. An incident report says a responding deputy observed the suspects' vehicle, a gray Cadillac, at the nearby intersection of Highway 394 and Franklin Drive. A stop was conducted with the occupants identified as Gary Lynn Tipton, 58, of 2300 Portland Ave., Kingsport, and Crystal Frantzen, 28, of 938 Big Hollow Road, Blountville. The report says Frantzen admitted to being at the gas station inside the vehicle with Tipton, who was selling the car, and performing oral sex to get a better price. She was arrested and charged with prostitution. Police say Tipton also admitted to the incident, prompting his arrest on charges of solicitation of prostitution. In Tipton's pocket officers reportedly located a plastic container containing six Valium, meriting an additional charge of possession of schedule II drugs. Frantzen and Tipton were booked into the Sullivan County jail. Mr Tipton's bond had been set at $2,000 while ms Frantzen's bond is $1000. They really seem to frown upon carrying Valium while haggling out the price of an old car. Tech Support Pits From: Penny Re: MSN Problems Dear Webby Just wondering, Did MSN change to Outlook, or did I do something to change my Hotmail to Outlook??? I don't like it. And what can I do to go back to MSN? Also...We'd REALLY appreciate it if you'd stop sending the cold and snow to Ohio !!! Penny Dear Penny MSN mail is dead or dying. Just like Microsoft decided that Windows 7 is suitable punishment for the sins of your wild youth, so is Windows Live, that they want you to use instead of HoeMail, MSN Mail and Outlook Depressed. You have a choice: Follow the edict from the papal throne and get used to Windows Live, or be an uncouth heathen rebel and switch to Gmail or one of the classic email programs. I have used Eudora since long before there was MSN mail, and I am not about to change to a lesser program in the foreseeable future. If I had to change, I would go with Thunderbird. If you want a full-featured email program, there is a lot of choice: Eudora, the good old Rolls Royce; Pegasus, another classic, still going strong, though it may reqire reading some instructions; Thunderbird: New and slick and diligently updated by the Mozilla crew, that takes care of FireFox. And so on. By the way, you CAN use a nice and respectable Gmail adress with a full-featured land based email program. You are not restricted to use it as just WebMail. You can pull it down and manage your mail with a full-featured email program. The Webmail part of Gmail is very brief and very limited. It is good enough to quickly check your mail while at McDonalds or some other WiFi Hotspot, but not intended for proper email management. For that you use a full featured POP email program. Re the cold in Ohio: My lap is nice and warm! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing Dry Skin I have been using pure coconut oil for the past two months. I no longer have red, cracked, and bleeding hands nor do my feet have large unhappy cracks in them. It even stopped my fingernails from flaking and splitting. I use it daily and if applying to my feet, at bedtime, I wear socks to bed. But the oil doesn't seem to stain anything. It is also a good deodorant and anti-fungal cream, thus removing unwanted odors as well. Seems to be an excellent all around product. By jayston Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?" "22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job. About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
» Sweet n Sassy


Today, March 23, in
1026 Koenraad II crowned himself king of Italy.
1066 The 18th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet
1657 France and England formed an alliance against Spain.
1775 American revolutionary Patrick Henry declared, 
  "give me liberty, or give me death!"
1794 Josiah G. Pierson patented a rivet machine.
1806 Explorers Lewis and Clark, reached the Pacific coast, 
  and began their return journey to the east.
1808 Napoleon's brother Joseph took the throne of Spain.
1836 The coin press was invented by Franklin Beale.
1839 The first recorded use of "OK" [oll korrect] was 
  used in Boston's Morning Post.
1840 The first successful photo of the Moon was taken.
1848 Hungary proclaimed its independence of Austria.
1857 Elisha Otis installed the first modern passenger 
  elevator in a public building. It was at the corner 
  of Broome Street and Broadway in New York City.
1858 Eleazer A. Gardner patented the cable streetcar.
1880 John Stevens patented the grain crushing mill. 
  The mill increased flour production by 70 percent.
1889 U.S. President Harrison opened Oklahoma for white 
  colonization.
1901 Dame Nellie Melba, revealed the secret of her 
  now famous toast.
1901 It was learned that Boers were starving in British 
  concentration camps in South Africa.
1903 The Wright brothers obtained an airplane patent.
1909 British Lt. Shackleton found the magnetic South Pole.
1917 Austrian Emperor Charles I made a peace proposal 
  to French President Poincare.
1918 Lithuania proclaimed independence.
1925 The state of Tennessee enacted a law that made it 
  a crime for a teacher in any state-supported public 
  school to teach any theory that was in contradiction 
  to the Bible's account of man's creation (in 7 days).
1933 The German Reichstag adopted the Enabling Act. 
  The act effectively granted Adolf Hitler dictatorial 
  legislative powers.
1940 "Truth or Consequences" was heard on radio 
  for the first time.
1942 The Japanese occupy the Andaman Islands.
1942 During World War II, the U.S. government began 
  evacuating Japanese-Americans from West Coast homes 
  to concentration camps.
1951 U.S. paratroopers descended from flying boxcars 
  in a surprise attack in Korea.
1957 The U.S. Army sold the last of its homing pigeons.
1965 America's first two-person space flight took off from 
  Cape Kennedy with astronauts Virgil I. Grissom and 
  John W. Young aboard. The craft was the Gemini 3.
1965 The Moroccan Army shot at demonstrators. 
  About 100 people were killed.
1967 Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. called the Vietnam War 
  the biggest obstacle to the civil rights movement.
1970 Mafia "Boss" Carlo Gambino was arrested for 
  plotting to steal $3 million.
1972 Evel Knievel broke 93 bones after successfully 
  jumping 35 cars.
1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, 
  left Panama for Egypt.
1981 U.S. Supreme Court upheld a law making statutory 
  rape a crime for men but not women.
1983 U.S. President Reagan first proposed development 
  of technology to intercept enemy missiles. The proposal 
  became known as the Strategic Defense Initiative and 
  "Star Wars."
1989 Two electrochemists, Stanley Pons and Martin Fleischman, 
  announced that they had created nuclear fusion in a 
  test tube at room temperature.
1990 Former Exxon Valdez Captain Joseph Hazelwood was ordered 
  to help clean up Prince William Sound and pay $50,000 in 
  restitution for the 1989 oil spill.
1993 U.N. "experts" announced that record ozone lows had been 
  registered over a large area of the Western Hemisphere.
1994 Wayne Gretzky broke Gordie Howe's National Hockey 
  League (NHL) career record with his 802nd goal.
1996 Taiwan held its first democratic presidential elections.
1998 Germany's largest bank pledged $3.1 million to 
  Jewish foundations as restitution for Nazi looting.
1998 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired his Cabinet.
2001 Russia's orbiting Mir space station plunged into the 
  South Pacific after its 15-years of use.
2013 Bonus-Link Dianne turned 29
2013  smiled


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Printing in the wrong font size 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, March 22.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



From Walter, the Stonecarver:


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. That student got back his test score and $64 change.
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awoken from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me." "Why not," he asks. She answers back, "Because I'm dead." The husband says to her, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another." The wife says, "No, I'm definitely dead." Her husband insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?" His wife answers, "I know I'm dead, because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ashley Nicole Williams, 19, Lebanon, Mo jailed for Molesting her own baby Reported by Weekly Vice Ashley Nicole Williams, a 19-year-old Missouri woman, has been jailed after she allegedly molested her own infant child. According to the Laclede County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to Mercy Hospital of Lebanon after receiving a report of suspected child abuse. During the investigation, Williams' husband told detectives that he saw Ashley touch the child in a sexual manner on "several occasions" during the past five days. When deputies interviewed Ashley, she allegedly admitted to the charge stating that she wanted to know what it was like to be a molester instead of the one being molested. Ashley Willaims was booked into the Laclede County Jail and charged with first-degree child molestation. She remains held in lieu of $100,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Guinn Re: Printing in wrong font size Dear Webby I type in font size 10, but it prints out in font size 12. How can I correct this without any fuss? I haven't asked for any help for a few months as I have been in hospital or recovery for six months and still find it hard to get things done, like writing letters. Now if you can just fix my problem.... Guinn Dear Guinn The printing is not really done in font sizes any more, unless you use a Dot matrix printer. For the page Set-Up click on File, Page Setup, and set it up there. You can zoom or shrink the page, make ithe page fit the sheet, and do all kinds of neat stuff. Basically, since the demise of the Dot matrix printers, the print job is converted to a picture right on your computer. That picture can be squished or stretched any way you want. You can check with the Print Preview how it will look. The printer does no longer store fonts, that can be called during printing. It simply prints the picture of the page. I get my toner from Atlantic Inkjet, very cheap, especially with the WEBBY coupon. Thanks to Atlantic Inkjet I can afford to print nice pictures and hang them up. To make them fit exactly one sheet, I use the Page Setup and Print Preview. So, don't worr about point sizes, just squish the page to your liking. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Blisters in Tight Shoes I found that swathing between my toes lightly with lotion, vaseline or face cream before I put on my socks eases this friction before a blister can form. Any other ideas out there? Placing lambswool became a problem keeping it in place. By Avis Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

>From AmberRose: I'd noticed that my 60-year-old father seemed to be losing his hearing, so I mentioned it to my mother. "Things haven't changed that much," she said. "Only difference is, before, he didn't listen. Now, he can't."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Why English Teachers Retire Early The following similes and metaphors were committed by US high school students. 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 6. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. 7. The revelation that his marriage had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM. 8. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. 9. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. 10. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 pm instead of 7:30. 11. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze. 12. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. 13. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 pm traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 pm traveling at 35 mph. 14. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. 15. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. 16. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. 17. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 18. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant. 19. He was deeply in love. When she spoke he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. 20. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs. 21. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
» Sweet n Sassy


Today, March 22, in
1457 Gutenberg Bible became the first printed book.
1622 Indians attacked a group of colonist in the 
  James River area of Virginia. 347 residents were killed.
1630 The first legislation to prohibit gambling was 
  enacted. It was in Boston, MA.
1719 Frederick William abolished serfdom on crown property 
  in Prussia.
1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer).
1794 The U.S. Congress banned U.S. vessels from supplying 
  slaves to other countries.
1841 Englishman Orlando Jones patented cornstarch.
1872 Illinois became the first state to require sexual 
  equality in employment.
1882 The U.S. Congress outlawed polygamy.
1895 Auguste and Louis Lumiere showed their first movie 
  to an invited audience in Paris.
1901 Japan proclaimed that it was determined to keep 
  Russia from encroaching on Korea.
1903 Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought.
1904 The first color photograph was published in the 
  London Daily Illustrated Mirror.
1905 Child miners in Britain received a maximum 8-hour workday.
1907 Russians troops completed the evacuation of Manchuria 
  in the face of advancing Japanese forces.
1907 In Paris, it was reported that male cab drivers 
  dressed as big busted women to attract riders.
1915 A German zeppelin made a night raid on Paris railway 
  stations.
1935 Persia was renamed Iran.
1941 The Grand Coulee Dam in Washington began operations.
1943 Obligatory work for woman ends in Belgium.
1946 The first U.S. rocket (a captured German V2) to leave 
  the earth's atmosphere reached a height of 50-miles.
1948 The United States announced a land reform plan for Korea.
1960 A.L. Schawlow & C.H. Townes obtained a patent for the laser. 
1965 U.S. confirmed that its troops used chemical warfare 
  against the Vietcong.
1974 The Viet Cong proposed a new truce with the U.S. and 
  South Vietnam. The truce included general elections.
1981 RCA put its Selectra Vision laser disc players on market.
1987 A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, 
  to find a place to unload. After being refused by several 
  states and three countries space was found back in Islip.
1990 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Captain Hazelwood 
  not guilty in the Valdez oil spill.
1991 Pamela Smart, a high school teacher, was found guilty 
  in New Hampshire of manipulating her student-lover 
  to kill her husband.
1992 A Fokker F-28 veered off a runway at New York's 
  LaGuardia airport and into Flushing Bay, killing 27 people.
1993 Intel introduced the Pentium-processor (80586) 
  64 bits-60 MHz-100+ MIPS.
1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Polyakov returned to Earth 
  after setting a record for 438 days in space.
2002 A collection of letters and cards sent by Princess Diana 
  of Wales sold for $33,000. The letters and cards were 
  written to a former housekeeper at Diana's teenage home.
2013  smiled


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Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, March 21.
Happy first day of spring!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side, as long as somebody else is paying for it. --- Socratex There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. --- George Bernard Shaw
Two friends signed up for college. When they looked at their schedules, the first friend noticed he had Logical Reasoning as a class. Not knowing what it was, he went to the class and asked the teacher what logical reasoning was. The teacher than proceeded to explain: "Do you have a weed eater?" "Yes," replied the guy. "You have a weed eater, which means you have a lawn, which means you have a house, which means you have kids, which means you have a wife, which means you're straight." When he got out of class, he met with his friend who asked him what logical reasoning was about. "Well," said the guy. "Do you have a weed eater?" "No," replied the friend. "Then you're gay!"
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

>From Edna A few years ago we were desperately trying to sell our house, which was situated on a busy thoroughfare. Our real estate agent decided to have open-house inspection nearly every day to promote the sale. We instructed the children not to talk to anyone about the house. One evening a man took our seven-year-old daughter aside and asked if our house had any secrets he should know. Her first reaction was to smile and ignore his question. But he became more persistent and, finally, she confessed there was one secret but she could not tell it to him. "Now we're getting somewhere," he said. "Tell me the secret. I promise I won't tell anyone." She looked him straight in the eye and whispered, "We have monsters in our sewer."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bridgett Dixon, 42, Monongahela, Pennsylvania Jailed After Parking Car On Railroad Tracks To Prevent Trains From Blowing Their Horns Reported by Weekly Vice Bridgett Dixon, a 42-year-old Monongahela woman, was jailed Friday after she allegedly parked her car on a set of railroad tracks to stop any train that might come through town blowing its horn. DUH! When they see anything on the tracks, they blow their horns until the stuff has been removed! According to Monongahela police, officers were dispatched after receiving a report that a woman, later identified as Dixon, was at a local convenience store complaining that her car was stuck on a set of nearby railroad tracks. When officers arrived on the scene around 11:30 p.m., they found Dixon's vehicle parked on the tracks with the vehicle's doors left open. When officers asked Dixon why her vehicle was parked on the tracks to begin with, she stated that the sound of the train's horn made her angry and she intended to stop any train that might come through with its horn blowing. Officers determined that Dixon didn't live in the area where her car was parked on the tracks. She was booked into jail on numerous charges, including risking a catastrophe. She was released after posting $5,000 bond. She is scheduled to appear in court on March 26th for a preliminary hearing. Tech Support Pits From: Adam Re: PayPal buttons Dear Webby How difficult is it to set up PayPal buttons like you have? I want to sell some wooden toys via an online page. Adam Dear Adam PayPal buttons are extremely difficult and intimidating, until you actually get started. Once you get started with them, and follow the step by step instructions, it's easy. You wonder what all the fuss was about. As long as you have a PayPal account, and a web site, there is really nothing difficult about making a button. To have buttons work with email is a different story. Many email programs can't handle that. So for email, just send people to your site. That makes it very easy and straight forward. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Back Scrubber For Washing Feet I keep a back brush that I purchased for a dollar at the dollar store in my shower, and use it to clean my heels and toes. A light scrubbing with it exfoliates and keeps calluses from forming. It's much easier than bending over to clean my feet. By Ginny from Murrells Inlet, SC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

>From Connie Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony. Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Sunday school teacher asked her students why they had to be quiet during the Church service. One bright little girl replied "Because the people are sleeping.
» The Cardstacker:


Today, March 21, in
1349 3,000 Jews were killed in Black Death riots in 
  Erfurt Germany.
1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was 
  burned at the stake at Oxford after retracting the 
  last of seven recantations that same day.
1788 Almost the entire city of New Orleans, LA, was 
  destroyed by fire. 856 buildings were destroyed.
1804 The French civil code, the Code Napoleon, was adopted.
1824 A fire at a Cairo ammunitions dump killed 4,000 horses.
1851 Yosemite Valley was discovered in California.
1857 An earthquake hit Tokyo killing about 107,000.
1908 A passenger was carried in a bi-plane for the 
  first time by Henri Farman of France.
1909 Russia withdrew its support for Serbia and recognized 
  the Austrian annexation of Bosnia-Herzegovina. Serbia 
  accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina on 
  March 31, 1909.
1945 During World War II, Allied bombers began four days 
  of raids over Germany.
1963 Alcatraz Island, the federal penitentiary in 
  San Francisco Bay, CA, closed.
1971 Two U.S. platoons in Vietnam refused orders to advance.
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced to the U.S. 
  Olympic Team that they would not participate in the 
  1980 Summer Games in Moscow as a boycott against Soviet 
  intervention in Afghanistan.
1982 The United States, U.K. and other Western countries 
  condemned the Soviet intervention in Afghanistan.
1984 A Soviet submarine crashed into the USS Kitty Hawk 
  off the coast of Japan.
1985 Larry Flynt offered to sell his pornography empire 
  for $26 million or "Hustler" magazine alone for $18 million.
1989 Randall Dale Adams was released from a Texas prison 
  after his conviction was overturned. The documentary 
  "The Thin Blue Line" had challenged evidence of Adams' 
  conviction for killing a police officer.
1994 Dudley Moore was arrested for hitting his girlfriend.
1994 Bill Gates of Microsoft and Craig McCaw of McCaw Cellular
  Communications announced a $9 billion plan that would send 
  840 satellites into orbit to relay information around the globe.
1999 Israel's Supreme Court rejected the final effort to have 
  American Samuel Sheinbein returned to the U.S. to face 
  murder charges for killing Alfred Tello, Jr. Under a 
  plea bargain Sheinbein was sentenced to 24 years in prison.
2013  smiled


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Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, March 20.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age. --- Christopher Morley (1890 - 1957) In this life you sometimes have to choose Between pleasing God and pleasing man. In the long run it's better to please God. He's more apt to remember. --- Pat Dickerson Son, always tell the truth. Then you'll never have to remember what you said the last time. --- Sam Rayburn (1882 - 1961)
A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?" "Well," the husband said, "we changed our plans because, uh..." His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Fred!" He fell silent and she continued, "You know, it's just ridiculous. Fred simply will not ask for directions." ----------- And Fred obviously does not use MapQuest !
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? A. Don't worry. Your secrets are safe. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eran Hess, 44, Tel Aviv, Israel Israeli jailed for fake bomb scare at airport Reported by Ann An Israeli tourist set off a massive security panic at Newark Airport and grounded a plane to Miami yesterday after his family was bumped from a flight and he angrily threatened to create a bomb scare, officials said. Eran Hess was charged with “creating a false public alarm” after he allegedly flew into a rage at a United Airlines counter and started a chain of events that put security on high alert and delayed travelers for hours. The trouble started at about 9 a.m. after Hess, 44, arrived from Tel Aviv with his wife and two kids and was told that his connecting flight to Florida was oversold and that they would be on the next plane, and that their luggage was checked through automatically and already on the plane. Apparently he screamed: “I’m going to go over there and tell the TSA I put a bomb in my bag and get my bag back.” After that, Hess and family disappeared into the crowd. Naturally, those words set off an automatic alarm. The plane, that the bages were on was stopped, emptied and searched, and all bags were sniffed. Hess was located a few gates away, trying to board a plane of a different airline. He was arrested and hauled away. He will probably be released after his return flight to Israel has left. ------------ It has happened to me many times, that my luggage arrived by a different plane. When asking at the lost luggage counter for my luggage, they ALWAYS asked:"Has your plane arrived yet?" "No, ya silly bimbo. I am still up in the air, I just sent my body on ahead. Can't you tell?" Then they finally looked it up in their messages, and told me that my luggage would be at carousel #whatever in a few minutes, or had arrived already at some other carousel#. Not a big deal, and since they always made me laugh with the same idiotic question, no matter which airport, I have always looked at it as a joke. Nothing to get upset about. Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Record radio to CD Dear Webby I love the news & fun. It's usually the 1st mail I open in this box. Some of your tech questions & answers have been very helpful. Thanks so much. I have a question about listneing to radio online. I have a program I usually tape off my reg radio that comes on every day at the same hour. If for some reason I do not get it I can go the the site online & listend to it again. Is there a way to tape this broadcast onto a cd? If so how mucht time will usually fit on 1 cd.I am using cd-rw that say 700mb & 80 min. Does this mean i can get 1hr +20 min on 1 cd? I appreciate your help on this. Thanks again, Sharon Dear Sharon If you compress the audio to MP3 or MP4, you will get a lot more than 80 minute's worth onto CD, and probably a month's worth of that brodcast onto a DVD. Use a program like Audacity to record the broadcast, save it as MP3 or MP4, and when you got a bunch of those recordings ready, drag them to a CD or DVD. You can add your own comments at the begin or end of each day's recording, and also name each file descritively. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Track of Paint Can Opener I attach a can opener, to the end of a paintbrush, that is removable. This makes things so much more simple instead of searching for the opener every time. By lnygaard I got mine tied to the step ladder with a shoe lace. Even if I don't need the stepladder for the painting, it is easy enough to find. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been recommending since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

Anecdotes of a Washington DC area travel agent, who thinks she understands from these anecdotes why we are having problems in the US. I've been a Travel Agent for thirty Years. Following are examples of why our country is in trouble! 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. 2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town, I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape town is in Massachusetts," Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape town is in Africa," Her response - click. 3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state! 4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, “But they look so close on the map." 5 An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time." 6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am and got to Chicago at 8:33 am. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, she bought that. 7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that's very rude!" After putting her on hold for a minute while I ‘looked into it' (I was laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. 8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii?" 9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them." 10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever!" 11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa when I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!" 12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma’am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said. Now you know why Government is in the shape that it's in!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A vacationer called a seaside hotel in England to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from the beach," he was told. "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man. Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows."
» The Bleat Goes On


Today, March 20, in
0141 The 6th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet
1413 Henry V took the throne of England upon the death of 
  his father Henry IV.
1525 Paris' parliament began its pursuit of Protestants.
1616 Walter Raleigh was released from Tower of London 
  to seek gold in Guyana.
1627 France & Spain signed an accord for fighting 
  Protestantism.
1739 In India, Nadir Shah of Persia occupied Delhi and 
  took possession of the Peacock throne.
1760 The great fire of Boston destroyed 349 buildings.
1792 In Paris, the Legislative Assembly approved 
  the use of the guillotine.
1800 French army defeated the Turks at Helipolis, 
  Turkey, and advanced into Cairo.
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte entered Paris after his escape 
  from Elba and began his "Hundred Days" rule.
1852 Harriet Beecher Stowe’s book "Uncle Tom’s Cabin," 
  subtitled "Life Among the Lowly," was first published.
1868 Jesse James Gang robbed a bank in Russelville, KY, 
  of $14,000.
1885 John Matzeliger of Suriname patented shoe lacing machine.
1886 The first US AC power plant began commercial operation.
1891 The first computing scale company was incorporated 
  in Dayton, OH.
1896 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to protect U.S. 
  citizens in the wake of a revolution.
1918 The Bolsheviks of the Soviet Union asked for 
  American aid to rebuild their army.
1922 U.S. President Warren G. Harding ordered U.S. 
  troops back from the Rhineland.
1922 The USS Langley was commissioned. It was the first 
  aircraft carrier for the U.S. Navy.
1932 The German dirigible, Graf Zepplin, made the first 
  flight to South America on regular schedule.
1933 The first German concentration camp was completed at Dachau.
1934 Rudolf Kuhnold gave a demonstration of radar in Kiel Germany.
1940 The British Royal Air Force conducted an all-night air 
  raid on the Nazi airbase at Sylt, Germany.
1943 The Allies attacked Field Marshall Erwin Rommel's forces 
  on the Mareth Line in North Africa.
1947 A blue whale weighing 180-metric tons was caught 
  in the South Atlantic.
1956 Mount Bezymianny on Kamchatka Peninsula (USSR) exploded.
1956 Tunisia gained independence from France.
1969 U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy called on the U.S. to 
  close all bases in Taiwan.
1976 Patricia Hearst was convicted of armed robbery for 
  her role in the hold up of a San Francisco Bank.
1981 Argentine ex-president Isabel Peron was sentenced 
  to eight years in a convent.
1984 The U.S. Senate rejected an amendment to permit 
  spoken prayer in public schools.
1985 Libby Riddles won the 1,135-mile Anchorage-to-Nome 
  dog race becoming the first woman to win the Iditarod.
1990 Imelda Marcos, widow of ex-Philippines dictator 
  Ferdinand Marcos, went on trial for racketeering, 
  embezzlement and bribery.
1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled unanimously that employers 
  could not exclude women from jobs where exposure to 
  toxic chemicals could potentially damage a fetus.
1991 The U.S. forgave $2 billion in loans to Poland.
1995 About 35,000 Turkish troops crossed the northern border 
  of Iraq in pursuit of the separatist rebels of the 
  Kurdistan Workers Party (PKK).
1995 In Tokyo, 12 people were killed and more than 5,500 
  others were sickened when packages containing the nerve 
  gas Sarin was released on five separate subway trains. 
  The terrorists belonged to a doomsday cult in Japan.
1998 India's new Hindu nationalist-led government pledges to 
  "exercise the option to induct nuclear weapons."
2002 Actress Pamela Anderson disclosed that she had hepatitis C.
2002 Arthur Andersen pled innocent to charges that it had 
  shredded documents and deleted computer files related to 
  the energy company Enron.
2003 U.S. and British forces invaded Iraq from Kuwait.
2013  smiled


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Fake CNN headlines spam 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, March 19.

Hillary kicked off her presidential campaign by getting all
the divorce lawyers on her side with a carefully crafted
and meticulously rehearsed speech in favor of same sex 
marriage. It sounded really phony compared to Madonna's
speech on the same topic, even though Madonna was dressed
in a thilly Boy Scout uniform. 


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. --- Slovenian Proverb Love truth, and pardon error. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
>From Kim I was very pregnant, and it was rotten luck when, several days before my due date, my husband fell from the porch roof, sprained both ankles and was restricted to crutches. So when I went into labor and he couldn't drive, I took the wheel, stopping every time I had a contraction. Finally, we got to the hospital. I dropped him at the maternity entrance, and he hobbled off to the admitting desk, where the nurse told him to go to the emergency room. "No, it's my wife," he told her. "She's in Labor." "Where is she?" the nurse asked. "She's parking the car and bringing in the bags."
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees a big bad wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf." The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush. "My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf." Again the wolf jumps up and runs away. About two miles down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock. "My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf." With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock off the Peeping Tom routine? I'm trying to poop!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rachelle Braaten, 24, and Tyler Lee, 25 in Centralia, WA Couple Jailed After Video Shows Mother Letting Toddler Inhale Bong Hit Rachelle Braaten, 24, and Tyler Lee, 25, were jailed after they allegedly forced their 22-month-old son to smoke marijuana out of a bong. According to Centralia police, an investigation was launched after detectives received a cell phone video from an anonymous witness that showed a mother placing a smoke filled marijuana bong up to her child's face, so that he could inhale from it. Investigators say the room erupted in laughter after the toddler began coughing from the smoke. Police took the child's parents into custody at their residence. A search of the residence turned up 40 marijuana plants and several firearms. The toddler, as well as his 5-year-old brother, were removed from the residence and placed into protective custody. During a police interview, Lee admitted to selling marijuana to a dispensary, but denied being at the residence when the video was recorded. Braaten was booked into the Lewis County Jail and charged with manufacture of marijuana and delivery of a controlled substance to a minor. Her bail was set at $20,000. Lee was booked into jail and charged with unlawful possession of a firearm (because he is a convicted felon) and manufacturing marijuana. He was released on Monday. Tech Support Pits From: Anna Re: Russian spam Dear Webby I got a whole bunch of addresses, and I am getting phony CNN Headline News to each of them. The underlying URL to click on is some Russian domain. There are no Cyrillic characters in the spam, so the filter I got from you, does not catch it. How do I catch it? Anna Dear Anna Yes, I got those silly spams too. What is common with all of them is .ru/ part of the URL of some Russian attack site. If you don't expect any legitimate mail from Russia, simply filter for that. In Mailwasher you make a filter like this: ANY Rule below IF the entire header CONTAINS .ru/ IF the body of the email CONTAINS .ru/ then mark it for deleting automatically. After you make that filter, you will never see a spam with a hidden Russian URL again. That filter does not care wether the URL is visible or hidden. Either way it opens the trap-door to hell. Now I have to modify that filter and make it make an exception for mail from humor@webby.com, otherwise it would dump my test copy of the Humor Letter too. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Cookie Cutters at the Thrift Store Brand new cookie cutters can be quite expensive. The reality is that many people purchase cutters and then don't use them. Quite often you can find cookie cutters at the thrift store that are like new. The best part is that they are sold at a fraction of the original price. We recently found a large bag full of cookie cutters for $5.99 at Goodwill! It is well worth looking the next time you need cookie cutters. By lalala... Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been advocating since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

A man walked into a bar and sat down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" he asked. "Nah." was the reply. A few minutes later the dog took a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" the man said indignantly. "That's not my dog." was the answer.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I got this one from Roland many years ago : Ole is a farmer in Minnesota. He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be 'North Dakota' for you non-Scandahoovians out there). He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow. Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls...the cow farts. Ole is very surprised. He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again. He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again. Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home. When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens." Sven reaches under, pulls the teat - and the cow farts. Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?" Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip. Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how did you know?" Sven says, "My wife is from Nordakota."
» Nasca Lines


Today, March 19, in
0721 -BC- 1st recorded lunar eclipse; Location, Babylon  
1452 Frederick III of Hapsburg crowned Roman German Emperor
1571 Spanish troops occupied Manila.
1628 The Massachusetts colony was founded by Englishmen.
1644 200 members of the Peking imperial family/court 
  committed suicide.
1687 French explorer La Salle was murdered by his own men 
  while searching for the mouth of the Mississippi River
1748 The English Naturalization Act passed granting Jews 
  right to colonize in the U.S.
1831 The first bank robbery in America was reported. The City Bank 
  of New York City lost $245,000 in the robbery.
1866 The immigrant ship Monarch of the Seas sank in Liverpool 
  killing 738.
1900 Archeologist Arthur John Evans began the excavation of 
  Knossos Palace in Greece.
1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Cuban treaty, gaining naval 
  bases in Guantanamo and Bahia Honda.
1918 The U.S. Congress approved Daylight-Saving Time.
1918 A German seaplane was shot down for the first time by 
  an American pilot.
1924 U.S. troops were rushed to Tegucigalpa as rebel forces 
  took the Honduran capital.
1931 The state of Nevada legalized gambling.
1945 About 800 people were killed as Japanese kamikaze planes 
  attacked the U.S. carrier Franklin off Japan.
1945 Adolf Hitler issued his "Nero Decree" which ordered the 
  destruction of German facilities that could fall into Allied 
  hands as German forces were retreating.
1947 Chiang Kai-Shek's government forces took control of Yenan, 
  the former headquarters of the Chinese Communist Party.
1954 The first rocket-driven sled that ran on rails was 
  tested in Alamogordo, NM.
1963 In Costa Rica, U.S. President John F. Kennedy and six 
  Latin American presidents pledged to fight Communism.
1965 Indonesia nationalized all foreign oil companies.
1969 British invaded Anguilla.
1984 A Mobile oil tanker spilled 200,000 gallons into 
  the Columbia River.
1985 IBM announced that it was planning to stop making the 
  PCjr consumer-oriented computer.
1985 The U.S. Senate voted to authorize production of 
  the MX missile.
1987 Televangelist Jim Bakker resigned from the PTL due to a 
  scandal involving Jessica Hahn.
1988 Two British soldiers were killed by mourners at a 
  funeral in Belfast, North Ireland.
1994 The largest omelet in history was made with 160,000 eggs 
  in Yokohama, Japan.
2001 California officials declared a power alert and ordered 
  the first of two days of rolling blackouts.
2003 U.S. President George W. Bush announced that U.S. forces 
  had launched a strike against "targets of military opportunity" 
  in Iraq. The attack, using cruise missiles and precision-guided 
  bombs, were aimed at Iraqi leaders thought to be near Baghdad.
2013  smiled


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Firefox Session Manager 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Mpnday, March 18.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. --- Abbie Hoffman (1936 - 1989) The real problem is not whether machines think, but whether men do. --- B. F. Skinner
On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage. The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no 'I' in the word 'marriage.''' The wife said, "For my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling."
No Turbo-Tomatoes or High Speed lettuce? OK, fine. If you change your mind, tell me.
Eat deserts to lose weight! Scientifically Proven. Get three free recipes just for checking it out. Eat Deserts!

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed up she got, getting all woried over getting the most in the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points down the beach to a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for. No problem, said the woman as she grinned in estasy. For my last wish... "I'd like to give birth to twins". "Ok....." the genie says. As she is wheelbarreling the dollar bills into the spacious garage, her belly is swelling up with twins. Then the genie comes back. "Since your ex is a male, he can't bear and deliver twins. So you will bear and deliver them over the next ten years. Those ten sets of twins, however, unlike your previous three kids, will be his."
Thanks to dad for these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Natisha Hillard, 24, Gary, Indiana Christopher Bour, 39, Hammond, Indiana Natisha Hillard Was The Baby Maker, Chris Bour Was The Baby Raper Gary, Indiana (The Weekly Vice) - Natisha Hillard, 24, Indiana female, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly sold her 1-year-old daughter to a sexual predator - who then used the baby girl to make child pornography. According to Federal Prosecutors, an investigation was launched on February 13 after a woman came forward to report that an acquaintance, identified as 39-year-old Christopher Bour, had sent her graphic text messages that boasted about his alleged intentions to sexually abuse a baby. Two of the text messages reportedly said in context "U wanna watch me play with a baby tomorrow a real one ;)" and "I get a chance once in a while I was just seeing if you would hold the camera." The witness told detectives that she had seen child porn movies on Bour's laptop computer during visits to his home. She also stated that Bour had expressed an interest in "animal love" during prior conversations she had with him. At this point, according to court documents, investigators assumed the identity of the woman and continued chatting with Bour. When investigators asked Bour if the child's mother was aware of his activities with the child, Bour responded that she approved of them and that he had done it before. During a lengthy text message chat, Bour described his lust for children and what he liked to do with them sexually. "Its the best sex I ever had," Bour reportedly stated in another message. FBI agents, who had to be crawling out of their skin at this point, raided Bour's home in Hammond and seized his computer. During a search of his computer, investigators found videos and photographs of adults having sex with pre-pubescent children on the computer's hard drive. The computer also contained "numerous images depicting Bour engaged in various sexual acts with an infant female," according to court documents. Hillard, the child's mother, is also shown in some of the images. During questioning, Bour stated that his text messages were nothing more than fantasy role playing and that he never intended to have sexual contact with a child. When agents confronted him with the photographs they found on his computer, he realized that his ass was in a sling and admitted to paying Hillard for the opportunity to sexually abuse and then exploit her baby daughter. Hillard was booked into jail and charged with "selling her child with the knowledge that she would be portrayed in a visual depiction assisting another person to engage in sexually explicit conduct." Bour was booked into jail and charged with production of child pornography, purchasing a child for the production of child pornography, and possession of child pornography. Both are being held without bond. They just might throw away the key. Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Firefox Session Manager Dear Webby I use a Firefox plugin called SessionManager. Once installed, I've configured it to save my session periodically and on shutdown (voluntary or crash) and then prompt me whether to reload my previous (or another) session when I restart FireFox. Regards Frank Thanks, Frank! I will try it out. Save My Tabs works, but is rather klutzy. Unfortunately, just like Save My Tabs, due to a lack of donations, Session Manager is no longer updated, and does not seem to cope too well with some functions, that are nowadays handled by FireFox itself. For example, Adele's problem yesterday was not lost tabs, she manually killed each and every one of them. Her problem was that she had squished down FireFox to icon size in a corner, where she did not expect it or look for it. Closing and re-opening it just re-opened it the same way in that corner. Once she got my message, found it and stretched it back to half screen size, Session Manager probably would have helped her selecting a previous day's session and restore all her tabs. I installed Session Manager and will report on it in a few months. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dress Up Plain Shoes If you have clip on earrings, they are great to dress up plain toed shoes. Just clip them on where you slip your foot into the shoe. You now have a pair of glamorous shoes that would ordinarily be plain. You can get clip on earrings at a lot of garage sales. By chef4u from Sylvania, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
If you are paying for your own hot water, this is for you! Solar Water Heat This is not some wacky scam, that claims to make all of your hot water all of the time, but a simple pre-heater, like I have been advocating since the 70's. When there is sunshine, you pre-heat the cold water with the sun, and use the electrical or gas heater to just top it off a bit to get the precise temperature, that you are used to. The bulk of the heating is done by the sun. I used that system even in the Yukon. It works. You don't need any fancy space age or hard to find components. For the glazing you can even use clear corrugated acrylic, plexi-glass, or old windiows. The glazing is never touched by the water, it just holds off the wind and acts like a flat mini-hot-house for the pipe and outer tank. Very fast payback for Solar Water Heat!

>From Liz My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small. He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio level. He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning. Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house. Observing all this, our next-door neighbor asked, "Ray, are you going to put your patio away every night?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A beautiful young woman is getting dressed for work one morning in her high-rise apartment building. She glances out her fiftieth-story bedroom window and sees a window washer outside. Thinking she will rattle him, she slowly takes off her dress. The window washer just goes about the business of cleaning the windows. Next, she removes her slip in a very provocative manner. Still, the man just keeps working away. Taking her striptease to the full extent, she takes off her bra and panties and begins parading around her room. The window washer still takes no notice of her. Finally, the woman walks over to the window and just stands there, totally naked, staring at the man outside her window. At last the window washer puts down his pail and says, "What's the matter, lady, haven't you ever seen a window washer before?"
» St Patrick


Today, March 18, in 
0037 The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius’ will and 
  proclaims Caligula emperor.
1190 Crusaders killed 57 Jews in Bury St. Edmonds England.
1532 The English parliament banned payments by English church to Rome.
1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of 
  the Mississippi River.
1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers.
1813 David Melville patented the gas streetlight.
1818 The U.S. Congress approved the first pensions for 
  government service.
1834 The first railroad tunnel in the U.S. was completed. 
  The work was in Pennsylvania.
1850 Henry Wells & William Fargo founded American Express.
1891 Britain became linked to the continent of Europe by telephone.
1899 Phoebe, a moon of the planet Saturn, was discovered.
1902 In Turkey, the Sultan granted a German syndicate the first 
  concession to access Baghdad by rail.
1903 France dissolved the Catholic religious orders.
1911 Theodore Roosevelt opened the Roosevelt Dam in Arizona.
1916 Russia countered the Verdun assault with an attack at 
  Lake Naroch. The Russians lost 100,000 men and the 
  Germans lost 20,000.
1917 The Germans sank the U.S. ships, City of Memphis, 
  Vigilante and the Illinois, without any warning.
1921 Poland was enlarged with the second Peace of Riga.
1921 The steamer "Hong Koh" ran aground off of Swatow China. 
Over 1,000 people were killed.
1931 Schick Inc. displayed the first electric shaver.
1937 More than 400 people, mostly children, were killed in a 
  gas explosion at a school in New London, TX.
1938 Mexico took control of all foreign-owned oil properties 
  on its soil.
1938 New York first required serological blood tests of 
  pregnant women.
1940 The soap opera "Light of the World" was first heard on NBC radio.
1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini held a meeting at the 
  Brenner Pass. The Italian dictator agreed to join in Germany's 
  war against France and Britain during the meeting.
1942 The third military draft began in the U.S. because of 
World War II.
1943 The Reich called off its offensive in Caucasus.
1943 American forces took Gafsa in Tunisia.
1944 The Russians reached the Rumanian border World War II.
1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin.
1950 Nationalist troops landed on the mainland of China 
  and capture Communist held Sungmen.
1952 In Philadelphia, PA, the first plastic lenses were 
  fitted for a cataract patient.
1954 RKO Pictures was sold for $23,489,478. It became the first 
  motion picture studio to be owned by an individual:Howard Hughes.
1963 The U.S. Supreme Court handed down the Miranda decision 
  concerning legal council for defendants.
1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk 
  when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around 
  the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes.
1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1.
1968 The U.S. Congress repealed the requirement for a gold reserve.
1969 U.S. President Nixon authorizes Operation Menue. It was the 
  ‘secret’ bombing of Cambodia.
1971 U.S. helicopters airlifted 1,000 South Vietnamese soldiers 
  out of Laos.
1974 Most of the Arab oil-producing nations ended their 
  five-month embargo against the United States, Europe and Japan.
1975 Saigon abandoned most of the Central Highlands of Vietnam 
  to Hanoi.
1975 The Kurds ended their fight against Iraq.
1979 Iranian authorities detained American feminist Kate Millett. 
  The next day she was deported.
1980 A Vostok rocket exploded on the launch pad killing 50.
1981 The U.S. disclosed that there were biological weapons 
  tested in Texas in 1966.
1986 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Prince Andrew 
  to Sarah Ferguson.
1989 A 4,400-year-old mummy was discovered at the Pyramid of Cheops
1990 The first free elections took place in East Germany.
1992 Leona Hemsly was sentenced to 4 years in prison for tax evasion.
1992 White South Africans voted for constitutional reforms that 
  would give legal equality to blacks.
1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy.
2013  smiled


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FireFox disappeared after power failure. How do I get FireFox back? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, March 17.
Happy St Patricks Day
Stay off the roads today, if you can!
A lot of people think St patrick's Day is a legitimate
excuse for getting plastered.

Sorry about the newsletter being late. We had a 
whole bunch of power failures, and of course the net
did not work.


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Man is ready to die for an idea, provided that idea is not quite clear to him. --- Paul Eldridge
>From Phil Friday, we had a tornado drill. We're underneath a parking garage and there's a PA announcement "This is a tornado drill. Please move quickly away from any and all windows." Somebody yelled out: "Quick, get to a DOS prompt!"
Turbo-Tomatoes! High Speed lettuce!
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Saturday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water. He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and painful. His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling." He tried switching to cold water, and the swelling rapidly subsided. On Sunday afternoon he called his Dr. again to complain. "Say Doc, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water, and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better." "Really?!?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it. MY maid said hot water."
Thanks to dad for these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version Early Easter Cactus 2013 Still snow outside

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Misty VanHorn, 22, Sallisaw, Oklahoma Jailed After She Tried To Sell Two Children Misty VanHorn, a 22-year-old Oklahoma woman, was jailed after she allegedly tried to sell her two children to a woman on Facebook in an attempt to raise money for her boyfriend's bail. According to Sallisaw Police, an investigation was launched after a Fort Smith woman called the Oklahoma Department of Human Services and reported that a woman had contacted her over Facebook and was attempting to sell her two children. Investigators say VanHorn offered to sell her 2-year-old child for $1,000 and her 10-month old child for $4,000. Oklahoma DHS officials turned the case over to Sallisaw Police, who located VanHorn and took her into custody without incident. When officers asked VanHorn why she was trying to sell her children, she stated that she needed money to bail her boyfriend out of jail. Witnesses who lived in VanHorn's neighborhood stated that she had been knocking on her neighbors' doors in an attempt to raise cash for his bail. "She was going door to door, here to all the way across town asking everybody for money to get him out," said Tony Mosby, who lives in VanHorn's neighborhood. VanHorn was booked into the Sequoyah County Jail and charged with child trafficking. She remains held in lieu of $40,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Adele Re: Firefox disappeared after power failure Dear Webby The power failures tonight, I am sure you were affected too, ate my FireFox! I know I probably had too many tabs of sites, that I was planning to check out later, when I get some time, but I am sure there were fewer than 100. You are probably laughing your fool head off, but that's the way I operate. Anyway, after those erratic power failures FireFox has become invisible. The AccuRadio.com Internet radio still works, at full volume, and hovering over the FF icon in the task bar shows ll the open tabs. When I could not get anywhere, I loboriously closed all of them, to start a totally fresh FF, still no luck. How do I get my FF back? Adele Dear Adele Yes, I had the same power failures too. You might have had a spastic reaction to the power failures, thrown the mouse, or maybe the power failures did it, and shrunk your FF to the size of your huge icons and left it in a corner. Have a close look at all the icons on your desktop. Most likely one of them is not an icon, but your FireFox shrunk down to the size of a thumbnail. Gently grab one of it's sides, and drag it back to the size you like. Then find the "Save My Tabs" data file, find one from before the power failure, import it into Excel, hit F2 and ENTER on each line to make it clickable, and then re-open all the tabs, that you are stil interested in. We just had another one of those power failures. Power is back on, the net isn't yet. I sure hope it comes back on before daylight, so that I can send the nesletters out! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chives for Quick and Easy Flowers for the Table Picture graduation time and a house of boys. No fancy table decorations. Just the cake and then a quick run out to the herb garden to pick a bouquet of flowering chives. Beautiful purple blossoms on green stems. By Grandma J Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding? Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. It includes all the jokes and coaching you need to be a smash hit!

Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, Sarah would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Joel," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man had fallen between the rails in a subway station. People were all crowding around trying to get him out before the train ran him over. They were all shouting. "Give me your hand!" but the man would not reach up. Ralph elbowed his way through the crowd and leaned over the man. "Friend," he asked, "what is your profession?" "I am an income tax inspector," gasped the man. "In that case," said Ralph, "take my hand!" The man immediately grasped Ralph's hand and was hauled to safety and a lengthy accident related delay was safely avoided. Ralph turned to the amazed by-standers. "Never ask a tax man to *give* you anything, you fools."
» St Patrick


Today, March 17, in 
0461 - Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul. 
Ireland celebrates this day in his honor.
1756 St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City 
  for the first time. The event took place at the 
  Crown and Thistle Tavern.
1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia during 
  the Revolutionary War.
1884 In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made the 
  first manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider 
  flight in the United States.
1891 The British steamer Utopia sank off the coast of
   Gibraltar.
1914 Russia increased the number of active duty military 
  from 460,000 to 1,700,000.
1930 Al Capone was released from jail.
1944 During World War II, the U.S. bombed Vienna 
  back to the stone age.
1950 Scientists at the University of California at Berkeley
  announced that they had created a new radioactive element.
  They named it "californium". It is also known as 
  Element 98.
1958 The Vanguard 1 satellite was launched by the U.S.
1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) 
  fled Tibet and went to India.
1961 The U.S. increased military aid and technicians to Laos.
1962 Moscow asked the U.S. to pull out of South Vietnam.
1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the
   Mediterranean off of Spain.
1970 The U.S. Army charged 14 officers with suppression of 
  facts in the My Lai massacre case.
1972 U.S. President Nixon asked Congress to halt busing in
  order to achieve desegregation.
1973 The first American prisoners of war (POWs) were released 
  from the "Hanoi Hilton" in Hanoi, North Vietnam.
1985 U.S. President Reagan agreed to a joint study with 
  Canada on acid rain.
1989 A series of solar flares caused a violent magnetic storm 
  that brought power outages over large regions of Canada.
1992 White South Africans approved constitutional 
  reforms to give legal equality to blacks.
1999 A panel of medical experts concluded that marijuana had 
  medical benefits for people suffering from cancer 
  and AIDS.
2000 In Kanungu, Uganda, a fire at a church linked to the 
  cult known as the Movement for the Restoration of the 
  Ten Commandments killed more than 530. On March 31, 
  officials set the number of deaths linked to the cult 
  at more than 900 after authorities subsequently found 
  mass graves at various sites linked to the cult.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 800 million applications
   downloaded. 
2013  smiled


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Make windows 7 show file name extensions 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, March 16.

How do they make the white or black smoke in the papal
election?

White smoke is from the ballot papers and some socks.
Black smoke is from the ballots and some sneakers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them. --- Galileo Galilei (1564 - 1642)
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual cup of morning coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets." Ole got up from his coffee and replies "Well, okay." Two days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of morning coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets. "Ole got up from his coffee and replies, "Well, okay." Three days later, again they both are sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast is, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and then the power went out and Ole didn't get the rest of the instructions. He says to Lena, "What am I going to do now, Lena?" Lena replies, "Aw, Ole, just leave the car in the garage."
Turbo-Tomatoes! High Speed lettuce!
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Thanks to Jim for this story. The season is a bit off, but by summer I would likely forget it. An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter offensive tactics. That summer, the area had experienced an infestation of rattlesnakes. Officers and NCOs were given one magazine of live ammunition to counter this danger, as several men had already been bitten. So much ammunition was expended shooting, supposedly, at snakes that the post commander demanded that every officer and NCO who had shot at a snake present the dead snake as proof that the expenditure of rounds was justifiable. The next day, the post commander entered his office and spotted a shoe box on his desk. He opened it, revealing a very live rattlesnake. Inside the box also were twenty expended cartridges, and a short note. The note said, "I missed!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dale Arave, Drunk driver goes into Home Depot rampage RIVERDALE, Utah — A drunk driver who smashed his truck into sheds, a swing set and light post in a Home Depot parking lot is facing multiple charges. KSL-TV reports that Riverdale police arrested 38-year-old Dale Arave on Wednesday. Part of Arave’s rampage was videotaped by a shopper and later used as evidence by police. Riverdale Police Lt. James Ebert says Arave refused to get out of his truck after the vehicle hit a curb and became high centered. Arave is facing multiple charges, including criminal mischief. Police found two handguns and three rifles in this truck. All were loaded. None were used when he resisted exiting the truck. Possibly he was just too drunk to jump out of the truck as quickly as police expected. Arave says he drank large amounts of whiskey. His family members say he is going through personal problems and is despondent. The damage to the store is estimate to be $20,000. Tech Support Pits From: Inga Re: Extensions hidden in W7 Dear Webby I am used to seeing the file extensions in the Windows File Explorer. How is that accomplished in Blonde Windoze? Thanks Inga Dear Inga Open the File Explorer Click on Tools Folder Options View and in there take off the checkmarks from Hide Extensions for nown file types. Then tell it to apply it to all folders. Keep in mind, though, Internet shortcuts are stored like files, but withut an extension. DUH! If you got things set correctly, and still don't see an extension, then it is either an Internet shortcut, or a file without an extension. While you are in there, sort by file type. If you see a bunch of zip files in your email Attachment directory, dump them. They are mal ware. Only scammers and hackers send zip files by email. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Surprise Guests With Flowers in the Bathroom Having a party? Give your guests something more to talk about than the food and who did not show up. Surprise them with a bathtub full of lilacs. They're fun and inexpensive. They are in bloom just in time for graduation. It will be a party to remember, I promise. By Joanne from Fond du Lac, WI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding? Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. It includes all the jokes and coaching you need to be a smash hit!

Thanks to Big Frank for this Classic: A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.' The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.' The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?' The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.' The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS YOUNG AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH That pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days. Big Frank
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little nervous and about ten minutes into the talk his mind went blank. He remembered some advice they gave him in seminary school when a situation like this arose -- repeat your last point. Often this will help you remember what should come next. So he gave it a try. "Behold, I come quickly," he said. Still his mind was blank. So he tried again, "Behold, I come quickly!" Still nothing. He tried once more, this time with so much vehemence that he tripped over his microphone wire and fell off the stage, right into the lap of a little old lady in the front row. The young preacher was very embarrassed and tried to apolo- gize, but the woman replied, "That's all right, young man. It was my fault...I should have gotten ready for you. After all, you did tell me three times you were coming!"
» Calvin Nichools Paper Cut-Ups


Today, March 16, in 
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England.
1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the 
  Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives.
1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony, 
  later Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan 
  tribe in Maine who spoke English. He greeted the Pilgrims 
  by saying, "Welcome, Englishmen! My name is Samoset."
1871 The State of Delaware enacted the first fertilizer law.
1907 The world's largest cruiser, the British Invincible was 
  completed at Glasgow.
1908 China released the Japanese steamship Tatsu Maru.
1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks 
  after the inauguration of Gomez.
1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first 
  liquid-fuel rocket.
1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament and violated 
  the Versailles Treaty.
1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia.
1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. 
  However, small pockets of Japanese resistance still existed.
1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv.
1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on oleomargarine.
1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting 
  mostly of women and children. The event is known as the 
  My-Lai massacre.
1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit 
  for human consumption.
1994 Tonya Harding pled guilty in Portland, OR, to conspiracy 
  to hinder prosecution for covering up the attack on 
  her skating rival Nancy Kerrigan. She was fined $100,000. 
  She was also banned from amateur figure skating.
1994 Russia agreed to slowly phase out production of 
  weapons-grade plutonium.
1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 
  125,000 suspects for 500,000 murders.
1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European Commission 
  announced their resignations amid allegations of corruption 
  and financial mismanagement.
2013  smiled


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Limit printing to one page 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, March 15.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



I found it hilarious how various wanna-be authorities
are predicting what the new pope is going to do.
They are all wrong.
Sure, he is originally an Italian, became a Jesuit, an
intellectual storm trooper, in germany, and became
very close to the Franciscan order and a bishop and 
cardinal in South America.
However, he retired from all that, because he felt he was
too old.

What does all that sum up to?
As a former Italian he is not about to raise much of a fuss
about Mafia investments in the Vatican bank. 
His youthful Jesuit passion for modernisation has mellowed
a long time ago and changed to Franciscan conservatism, 
probably when he realized that fighting the inner circle of
old cardinals in Rome leads to nowhere.

He almost got elected last time, because he is so obedient
to the inner circle. He just helps the poor, and stays out
of hotheaded discussions about modern topics like condoms.
He lets others incur the wrath and the vetoes of the inner
circle. Even benedict didn't get anywhere trying to use logic.
He was told that the pope is the spokesman for the cabinet, 
the back office, not the dictator. 

That seems to be fine for Francis I.
I don't expect any fundamental changes while he is pope,
but I would be VERY surprised, if the long neglected 
Franciscans and Grey Clares didn't get their funding 
updated.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others. --- John Andrew Holmes The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools. --- Doug Larson
A very elderly but bright-eyed gentleman, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of after shave, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady tricked out in a modest but very becoming cocktail dress. The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
Turbo-Tomatoes! High Speed lettuce!
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you have sex until you are blue in the face. The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen. The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom. The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you." The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on.
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Wendy Tucker, 56, Barnegat, NJ Jailed after flashing security cameras -- Police in New Jersey said they arrested a woman accused of flashing her breasts to security cameras being monitored by dispatchers. Barnegat police said dispatchers saw Wendy Tucker, 56, "get out of a car in the middle of Lexington Boulevard, pull up her shirt and bra, exposing her breasts while facing several security cameras" around 2 a.m. Wednesday, the Asbury Park (N.J.) Press reported Tuesday. Lt. Keith Germain said the video footage also depicts Tucker "looking up at the cameras while extending her middle fingers to the cameras." Patrolman Michael Diblasi located Tucker's car and took her into custody. Police said she was wanted on an outstanding warrant from Atlantic County and was charged with an additional count of lewdness. Because of her relation to some higher-ups, they declined to provide a mug shot. "The Raw Story" provided this picture, which seems to be from a few years ago. Tech Support Pits From: Sammie Re: Limit printing to a page Dear Webby Your trick with listing the files in a folder works great! My problem is that when I print it, it usually leaks a few lines over onto a second page. How can I stop that without deleting any lines? Thanks Sammie Dear Sammie In the spreadsheet or word processor, hit CTRL A to select All, or highlight everything except for the headlines, then change the font to a smaller font family, like for example Calibri or Tunga, and maybe reduce the point size. Then make sure there are no fragments like calculations, shopping lists or phone numbers further down. If there are, and you want to keep them, highlight just what you want to print, then click on Print PreView. Most likely it will now fit onto one page quite nicely. When you print, make sure you select Selection Only Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing a Slow Tub Drain For slow drains in old houses, pour a bottle of bleach down the tub drain once a month in the evening (every 5 weeks for the bathroom sink). In the morning, heat up a tea kettle and pour one gallon of water down the drain. Aim for the drain (or use a funnel), so as not to crack porcelain. This works only on slow drains. Source: Frugal Village By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding? Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. It includes all the jokes and coaching you need to be a smash hit!

This one is attributed to melvin Durai, but probably has been edited over the years. I've been watching the reports from China, the ones about the gender imbalance and all those young men having trouble finding brides, and I can't help wondering what their parents and others were thinking when they chose, through abortion and abandonment, to avoid having female children. Perhaps they thought they could provide other options to their sons. Son: "My dear parents, I am ready to get married. Please help me find a bride." Mother: "You are ready to get married already? But my son, you are only 50. Can't you wait a few more years?" Father: "Your mother speaks with the wisdom of age, son. If you wait a few more years, there will be more brides available. The government is opening special laboratories to create more females. It is a process called cloning." Son: "But they are cloning sheep. I do not want to marry a sheep." Mother: "Son, you are 50. You cannot be too choosy." Father: "Your mother speaks with the wisdom of age, son. You should look at the positive side: A sheep has plenty of wool. It will keep you warm at night." Son: "No, I can't do it. I can't settle for anything but a human." Father: "You have high standards, son. But we expected this. That is why we've made arrangements to introduce you to someone special." Son: "Someone special? Is this really true, Father?" Father: "Yes, it's true, son. We will introduce you to a special inspector named Ying-Ming. He is looking for a companion too." Son: "Did you say 'he'? I hope you meant to say 'she'!" Father: "He, she, what's the difference? Together, you will still be 'we.' Ying-Ming is very rich, son. While most Chinese men have been busy searching for brides, he has been busy searching for bribes." Son: "But I do not want a 'he'! I am straight!" Mother: "Opposites attract, my son. You are straight and he is crooked. You will be happy together." Father: "Your mother speaks with the wisdom of age, son. You should look at the positive side: Ying-Ming has plenty of wool blankets. He will keep you warm at night. What do you say, son?" Son: "How soon will the cloning take place?" Father: "Ah, that's better, son. I knew you would come around. It's important to be open-minded. There are only a few brides and their demands are impossibly high: they want a man who is not just rich and handsome, but who also stops his car to ask for directions." Mother: "In all my years, I have never met such a man." Son: "Not on this planet. But how did this happen, this terrible shortage of women?" Father: "I blame it on the government. They created the one-child policy to control the population. They knew we would turn it into the one-boy policy, which would really control the population. Don't blame us: all we wanted was one boy." Son: "Don't blame me: All I want is one girl. Is it an impossible dream?" Father: "Well, there are two other options. You can find another man, put your savings together, and pay for a sex change operation. Ying-Ming does not want to do it. We already asked. But he is willing to wear a dress on weekends. He will even shave his mustache -- if you insist." Son: "Ying-Ming is a ding-a-ling. What's the other option?" Father: "You can go to America." Son: "America? Are there many brides there?" Father: "Well, once you are settled in America, you can do what many American men do: get yourself a mail-order bride from Russia or the Philippines."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The God of thunder rode forth one day Upon his fearsome filly "I'M THOR!!" he cried His horse replied "You forgot your thaddle, thilly !"
» NASA: Asteroids & Comets:


Today, March 15, in 
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high 
ranking Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of March."
1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first 
  New World voyage.
1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot voting machine.
1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. 
  It was the first escalator.
1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese shelled 
  Port Arthur in Korea.
1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under 
  General Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit 
  Pancho Villa. The mission failed.
1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage.
1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia.
1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and the German speaking
  part of Czechoslovakia.
1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing.
1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four years after 
  the end of World War II.
1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more troops 
  for the fight in Vietnam.
1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil industry.
1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile.
1960 The first underwater park was established as Key Largo Coral Reef Preserve.
1990 In Iraq, British journalist Farzad Bazoft was hanged for spying.
1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration of 
  independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still in force 
  in the Baltic republic.
1994 U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on nuclear testing
1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed.
2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated Press 
  that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year pledge not to use nuclear 
  arms against states that don't have them.
2013  smiled


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Directory listing to edible file 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, March 14

Thank you, William!


Feds buy 100 years worth of ammo for Homeland Security!
Next, they are going to buy guns, that require different
ammo. 

Nothing to worry about. Nobody is going to shoot at you.
It's just routine commission based kick-backs, 
pork-barreling and job creation. 
That's how Government works.

Rumors have it, that they are going to sell the obsolete 
guns to Mexico, in order to put the gun shops in Arizona
and Texas out of business, and they are apparently planning
to sell all the no longer matching ammo to some Arabic 
speaking guy, so that the local gun nuts can't buy it at 
Army Surplus and have fun at the gravel pit.

Nothing personal, that's just how the Government works.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes. --- James Feibleman Most advances in science come when a person for one reason or another is forced to change fields. --- Peter Borden
A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday. "I'd like a little brother," a boy said. "Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother. Why do you want a little brother"? "Well," said the boy, "there's only so much I can blame on my dog."
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Two guys had businesses on the same street. One had customers coming and going and the other, well, maybe two or three a day. Finally, Morris, whose business was doing badly, decided to visit Shapiro, who was doing very well. Going in the door, he saw a large banner over the entrance which read : "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE." Morris wanted to know why Shapiro was going out of business, since he seemed to be doing so well. Shapiro confided, "That sign has been in my window for almost nineteen years. If I took it down, I would go out of business."
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Paul, 62 and Wendy, 56, Marshallsea, in Merthyr Tydfil, South Wales, Britain Fired for shark wrestling while on paid sick leave Reported by Sun Metro Holidaying for two months in Australia, while on paid sick leave, did not go over well. It was not reported whether the very young shark was trying to play with the kids or had inadvertently gotten washed up too high on the shore and was lost. Tech Support Pits From: Ed Re: Directory listing to editable file Dear Webby I forgot how to get to DOS, so that I can send an editable directory listing to a file. I know you told us a few times, but now I got Windoze7 and that is more blonde than my pretty wife. Thanks Ed Dear Ed You can send your wife over here. To open DOS, use the File Explorer Right-Click START Windos File Explorer browse to the folder, that you are interested in. Hold CTRL SHIFT and RIGHT-click Select: Open Command Window Here Yes, I know it is a silly rigamarole, but Microsoft figures that is good for you. Once you have the DOS Window open, type dir /? That will show you all the different options for the DIR command. Most likely you will want the Bare format, sorted by extensions. That would be dir /b /o:e Or with all the info, sorted by size: dir /o:s You will be amazed at the speed! OK, now to send that to a file named somedir.txt in the root directory: dir /o:s > c:\somedir.txt Naturally, you can send it to any file of your choosing. It will seem that nothing happened when you hit Enter with that on the command line. That is because DOS is so fast. Don't worry, the listing will be in that file! Then open Quattro or Calc or Excel and open that file. It will ask you if you want it sorted into columns, etc. Yes, yes, yes. Once it has imported it, it will still be sorted like you had specified, but neatly shuffled into columns. Now you can delete entrie columns and format it all quite neatly for printing. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Memory Foam Bath Mats for Leather Car Seats I found our leather seats so cold during the winter, and when I wore shorts or a dress in the summer, I stuck to the seat. Ouch! You can buy seat covers, but they are quite a pain to put on and take off. I came up with an inexpensive, very comfy solution, memory foam bath mats. You can get them at most department or bath stores in various colours and sizes, but I got this one at Walmart. By Ann from Goulais River, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding? Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. It includes all the jokes and coaching you need to be a smash hit!

A customer was so infatuated with his waitress he decided to ask her for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and confronted her. With a total lack of finesse, he blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me since you served me? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," replied the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Driving to a new restaurant, a woman took several wrong turns. When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?" "I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where we're going when I'm driving."
» The Food Chain


Today, March 14, in 
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom 
  to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty.
1743 First American town meeting was held at Boston
1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad 
  on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty.
1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin.
1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in 
  East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza.
1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the 
  bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first 
  telephone links across the Channel.
1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the 
  ratification of the Gold Standard Act.
1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered 
  Mendel's laws of heredity.
1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would 
  have relaxed restrictions on polygamy.
1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until 
  after their war.
1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete 
  with Germany in naval strength.
1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method 
  to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a 
  car from 12½ hours to 93 minutes.
1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden 
  off the Chilean coast.
1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, 
  committed suicide.
1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only 
 judge is God and itself.
1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. 
  Slovakia declared its independence.
1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by 
  the Royal Air Force Dambuster Squad on the Bielefeld railway 
  viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb used during World War II.
1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the Philippines.
1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the U.S.S.R.
1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the 
  Korean War.
1954 The Viet Minh launched an assault on Dien Bien Phu in Saigon.
1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista 
  government of Cuba.
1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and 
  Cooperation with the Soviet Union.
1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon.
1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria 
  after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 
  54 Pakistani prisoners.
1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under 
  President George H.W. Bush.
1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for 
  an anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root 
  out Islamic militants.
1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran.
2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. 
  Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley.
2013  smiled


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How do you get music from Tape to CD? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, March 13

Man makes daily commute on unicycle 
ST. PAUL, Minn. (UPI) -- A Minnesota man said he makes his 
daily 18-mile commute year-round on an unusual vehicle -- 
a unicycle. 

Bob Clark, 51, said he travels to his office in downtown 
St. Paul every day on a unicycle, regardless of the weather, 
the St. Paul Pioneer Press reported Monday. 

"It's not as hard as most people think it is," Clark said. 
Anyone who can ride a bike can ride a unicycle, with a little 
practice. It's a mind-body thing that happens automatically. 

Clark said he owns four unicycles and averages about 10 mph 
in the winter and 12 mph in the summer. 

He said riding his unicycle in public gets him a lot of 
attention. "The comments are 99 percent positive," he said. 
Lots of people stick their cellphones out the car window 
to take a picture. 

"Most people," he said, just ask where the other wheel is. 


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) In great affairs men show themselves as they wish to be seen; in small things they show themselves as they are. --- Nicholas Chamfort (1741 - 1794) Yes, time flies. And where did it leave you? Old too soon...smart too late." --- Mike Tyson
Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner. The first Pastor said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with mice in my church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away. The second Pastor then said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in the basement of the church. I've set traps and even called an expert to get rid of them, yet they still won't go away." With a grin on his face, the third Pastor said, "I had the same problem so I baptized all mine and made them members of the church and passed the collection plate. Haven't seen one back since!!!"
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

One evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said, "I have to sleep with daddy." A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jarad S. Carr Arrested After Returning A Printer With Two Counterfeit Bills Inside Reported by Judy It's hard enough to return a printer to Walmart without a receipt, but things become more difficult when the printer in question contains counterfeit $100 bills. On Thursday, Jarad S. Carr tried to return a printer to a Walmart in Lake Hallie, Wis., without any proof he bought it there. Employees examined the device and found a single sheet of photocopy paper with two counterfeit $100 bills printed on it, MobileMag.com reported. When Walmart clerks refused to take back the printer, Carr raised a ruckus that drew local police. Officers allegedly found another $300 in homemade money on him, according to the blog Gizmodo. The officers accused Carr of threatening to harm them, but he was arrested without anyone being injured, the Chippewa Herald reported. He was charged with attempted theft by fraud, forgery and resisting arrest. Lake Hallie Police officers are looking for a man who was with Carr, and who they are terming a person of interest. Bail has not been set yet. Tech Support Pits From: Jessie Re: Tape to CD Dear Webby I get a lot of good tips from you. Thank you. Can you tell me if there is a way to record from a Cassette to a CD? I have an Iomega Super DVD/CD burner that I can record from my camcorder to, but haven't figured out the cassette. Thanks for any help. Jessie Dear Jessie You need a patch cable, hat has standard 1/8" plugs on each end. That is the same kind of plug as you got on your tape player's headphone set. Plug one end into the tape player, the other end into the BLUE socket on the computer. That one is sometimes labelled AUX Input. Then record the input with any sound recorder, like for example Audacity. You can save the recorded file as WAV or MP3 or whatever you want. You can set up your CD as a data CD, playable on computers only, or as an Audio CD, that you can play in your car as well. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Band Instruments At Pawn Shops When my kids decided they wanted to be in band at school, I went to Pawn Shops and looked around to see what they had. I did not know if my kids would stick with it, and I did not want to put a lot of money into an instrument in case they did not take it but one year. Both of my kids stuck with it from middle school through high school! We never had any problems with the instruments. You just clean the mouth piece good. Someone at a music store can tell you how or the music teacher at school can. We had both a clarinet and saxophone. By Teresa from Durham, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding? Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. It includes all the jokes and coaching you need to be a smash hit!

A YOUNG WOMAN inherited a home that had been built by distant relatives. Before she could take possession of the property, however, government surveyors had to decide whether it was located in the United States or Canada. When they declared the home was just inside the U.S. border, the young woman was very much relieved. “I’m glad to hear that,” she admitted. “I’ve been told that Canadian winters are quite terrible!”
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament story, and as she moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across Johnny who had drawn an old man driving an old car. In the back seat were two passengers, both naked. "It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story does it tell?" Johnny seemed surprised at the question. "Well," he exclaimed, "doesn't it say in the BIBLE that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a fury? And THAT's a Plymouth Fury just like Grampa got up on blocks in his yard!"
» Beautiful Bridges


Today, March 12, in 
0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred.
1519 Cortez landed in Mexico.
1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves 
  in the colony of Virginia.
1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal 
  to high-ranking foreign officers to send troops to 
  reinforce the American army.
1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus.
1861 Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to 
  be used as soldiers for the Confederacy.
1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff.
1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S.
1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from 
  business and that he would spend the rest of his days 
  giving away his fortune. His net worth was estimated at 
  $300 million.
1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country 
  when students refused to sing the Russian hymn "God Protect 
  the Czar."
1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force 
  attack in France.
1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution.
1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been discovered 
  by scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell Observatory.
1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in Jerusalem 
  confirming some biblical history.
1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of 
  the U.S.S.R.
1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tank units were 
  stationed 20 miles from Tehran.
1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for 
  the cost of caring for war refugees.
1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges.
1963 China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit Peking.
1969 The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the 
  conclusion of a mission that included the successful 
  testing of the Lunar Module.
1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer.
1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty.
1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries was lifted.
1990 The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua.
1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up of 
  the Alaskan oil spill.
2003 Japan sent a destroyer to the Sea of Japan amid reports 
  that North Korea was planning to test an intermediate-range 
  ballistic missile.
2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that scientists 
  had found 350,000-year-old human footprints in Italy. 
  The 56 prints were made by three early, upright-walking 
  humans that were descending the side of a volcano.
2013  smiled


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Mouse causing need to reboot 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, March 12

>From Dr Bill
BTW  - the best pancakes you ever ate are make with Krusteaz 
(don't have to add eggs etc) and beer - instead of water or 
milk - and using different beers, dark, light, ales, 
Guiness etc,  and/or wheat flour makes some amazing 
varieties - all light, fluffy, yummy, etc - typically, 
my guests on Shrove Tuesday eat three helpings or more - 
they are fabulous - yes, both the pancakes and the guests.
Bill


Two extremes:
Bernard Anderson Bey, 32, New York, homeless entitlement 
freak, is suing his parents, because they are no longer 
supporting him. 
----------------------
Albert Lexie, a shoe-shiner working at a Pittsburgh children's 
hospital has donated more than $200,000 of his tips to the 
facility during the past 32 years

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In politics, absurdity is not a handicap. --- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769 - 1821) It is our responsibilities, not ourselves, that we should take seriously. --- Peter Ustinov "A man's character is his fate. --- Heraclitus (540 BC - 480 BC),
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast", so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What´s your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken," she replied proudly. "Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have ANY idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken´s mouth!" the man fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "Well, what would you like then, sir?" The man replied, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs." "Right, sir."
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class. "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative." "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up. "Yeah, right."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Leticia Silva, a 31 Jailed for Sending Children Switchblade Knife, Instructing Them To Murder Grandparents With It Reported by the Weekly Vice Leticia Silva, a 31-year-old Florida woman, has been charged after she allegedly mailed her young children a knife, then instructed them to kill their grandparents with it. According to the Pitt County Sheriff's Office, Silva lost custody of her two daughters (ages 7 and 9) seven years ago when she was arrested in Florida for possession of methamphetamine. The two children were removed from Silva's care and sent to live with their paternal grandparents in Greenville, North Carolina. Both children remain in the care and custody of their grandparents. Investigators say Silva plotted to have the grandparents (her former in-laws) murdered while she was incarcerated in a Florida prison. In December, Silva mailed a switchblade pocket knife to her daughters with a written note instructing them to murder their grandparents with it. Silva then called her daughters around Christmas time and instructed them to grab a steak knife from the kitchen and use it for the murder instead. The murder plot began to unravel in February when the childrens' grandmother found the knife under a pillow while changing the girls' bed sheets. That's when the grandmother brought the two girls to the Pitt County Sheriff's Office, and the girls explained what they had been instructed to do with the knives. Silva, who was temporarily out of jail and had traveled to North Carolina, turned herself in at the Pitt County Detention Center on Monday. She has been charged with four counts of first-degree solicitation to commit murder. She remains in jail in lieu of a $5 million bond. Tech Support Pits From: Susan Re: Mouse causes re-start Dear Webby, I have been having a problem with my computer and mouse for a couple of months now and have not heard of this problem from anyone before. Sometimes when I go to drag a window to a different spot or resize it, the cursor, it's like it's frozen on the screen. So I move the mouse several times to try and move it, however, it never moves and my computer re-starts. This might happen several times a day. Very annoying.......especially if I'm in the middle of something and have not saved it yet. I ran CrapCleaner.....that didn't fix the problem. I replaced the mouse.....that didn't fix the problem. I'm really at a loss here not knowing where to look next. I am using Windoze 7. This has never happened on XP. Any suggestions? Susan Dear Susan That is actually quite common with W7, especially if you have a bargain machine with only 2 GB of RAM. You can go do the dishes and see if it recovers in the meantime. Sometimes it does. If it doesn't recover, hit CTRL SHIFT ESC to start the Task Manager. It might take a while to start up. Windows 7 is good for teaching you patience and humility. Saint Bill figures that is good for you. When the Task Manager finally opens, tab over to "Processes". Sort it by MEM, biggest on top. Chances are good, that the top item is your browser. Highlight it and hit CTRL E to "END PROCESS". Usually that will free enough memory, that you can return to your work and save it. Yes, you CAN do all that without the mouse! It would be a good idea to practise that, so that when you are in a big panic, you can do it as slick as any Eggspurt. While you probably CAN limp along like that, it would be a good idea to hint, that some extra RAM would be an appropriate Easter basket item, or at the very latest, something for Mothers Day. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Treating Chapped Lips If your lips are peeling and chapped, they are annoying and unattractive. Apply a little vasoline to your lips and use a nail file to gently remove any dead skin. Your lips will feel refreshed and look healthy again. Lip gloss can build up on your lips and prevents normal shedding of dead skin cells. Source: Wendy Williams Show By mary jean from Morristown, NJ You can use some of the hand sanitizer, that is available free at a lot of store entrances, on a paper towel, to remove old gloss or "remedies", then smear some Vaseline onto the back of your hand and kiss it. That gives you just the right amount. You need just a little bit to retain a little bit more moisture. If your lips get a barely noticeable erratic tingle or tightening feeling, that is usually an early warning signal, that you are about to notice in a day or two, that you have the flu. If you catch it early enough, you can get rid of it by drinking Silver Water, or by putting 5 drops of Hydrogen Peroxide into each ear for 5 minutes, repeated after 4 hours. If you do that, then you don't get even the half flu, that you get from the flu shots. During flu season, make sure your lips are not cracked and well protected, wipe them only with sanitizer or windshield washer moistened paper towel, and kiss your vaseline smeared hand right afterward, and NEVER rub or touch your eyes unless you have first sanitized your hands. Then you too can avoid the flu for dozens of years, like I have. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding? Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. It includes all the jokes and coaching you need to be a smash hit!

From Phil I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler, calling people for their views on various issues. On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." The man replied, "Yeah, and this is a street light!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, " and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me,"said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."
» Camouflage by Critters


Today, March 12, in 
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria.
1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony.
1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II 
  granted land in the New World to his brother James 
  (The Duke of York).
1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the 
  French to leave the country.
1879 The British Zulu War began.
1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his 
  automatic telephone system.
1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time.
1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree for freedom of religion
1904 After 30 years of drilling, the tunnel under the Hudson 
  River was completed. The link was between Jersey City, NJ, 
  and New York, NY.
1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to stem 
  the conflict with El Salvador.
1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the 
  cause of infantile paralysis.
1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original 
  name was Girl Guides. They have since changed back to that.
1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his 
  technique for putting sound on motion picture film.
1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops entered Austria.
1940 Finland surrendered to Russia ending the Russo-Finnish War.
  When the Axis appeared to be winning, they joined Germany.
  When the Allies were obvious to win, they broke with Germany 
  and joined the Allies in 1945
1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland.
1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving the 
  statehood of Hawaii.
1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that 
  he planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his 
  own bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by 
  $3 million. 
1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the 
  Art Institute of Chicago to demand that officials 
  remove an American flag placed on the floor as part 
  of an exhibit.
1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 
  31 major military bases.
1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests.
1998 Astronomers cancelled a warning that a mile-wide 
  asteroid might collide with Earth saying that calculations 
  had been off by 600,000 miles.
1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members 
  of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). All three 
  countries were members of the former Warsaw Pact.
2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family 
  nine months after she was abducted from her home. She had 
  been taken on June 5, 2002, by a drifter, that had 
  previously worked at the Smart home.
2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume 
  reconnaissance flights off the coast of North Korea. 
  The flights had stopped on March 2 after an encounter 
  with four armed North Korean jets.
2009 It was announced that the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL, 
  would be renamed Willis Tower. Sears was no longer leasing
  the main floor and had moved.
2010 In the U.S., Apple began taking pre-orders for the iPad.
2013  smiled


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How to filter out Chinese spam 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, March 11.

>From Dr Bill
I am interested in the beer - but I've been making it for 
years - love to tip a bottle with you some day - maybe 
your readers don't know that you can buy the bottles with 
the self-stopper attached so you don't need a capper? - 
I also buy and save up Groelsch beer bottles for that reason.
Bill

That book has sources for everything needed for small batch
home brewing. AND you can easily even brew non-alcoholic beer,
that has the same taste and all the micro-nutrients and complex
B vitamines needed to boost immunity.

My dad is 90, and he has never had a flu shot, instead he has a
non-alcoholic beer with many meals. He doesn't drive any more,
but just got used to the non-alcoholic beer and is not about
to change now.

>From Carol
Dear Webby, Regarding the off shore bomb:  Wouldn't the tsumani 
go both ways and destroy parts of the west coast of Japan?

Dear Carol
Compared to an earthquake, a bomb is nothing.

An earth-quake, for example from a plate or shelf moving, 
gives the water a shove in ONE direction. Sure it spreads 
eventually, but the main thrust is in one direction.

With a bomb, the push is omnidirectional, in all directions, 
and diminishing with the cube of the distance. 
It would be measurable, but would not be catastrophic a few 
hundred miles away. Like most of the stuff from tsunami 
warnings, just barely measurable. 

An H bomb, not a little Plutonium type bomb, like they
have themselves, but a big, noisy H bomb,
3-4 miles off the coast of North Korea gong off a 
few hundred feet under water sure would get them wet, and 
the bang would give them the hint, without killing a lot 
of civilians, not like the bombs did in Japan.

However, even in Japan, those 2 little nukes killed a lot 
fewer civilians, than they had killed with the fire-bombing. 
Those 2 little nukes made one hell of a bang, that scared 
their pants off. They have been the most polite and respectful
people on this planet ever since.

THAT is the idea. 
Same as the way to deal with a yapping Chihuahua. 
You place a cardboard box near where they are yapping, and 
flatten it with one mighty swipe of the big broom. 
They get the hint and become reasonable in mid-yap.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. --- Larry Gelbart The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play. --- Arnold Joseph Toynbee
An old couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. The husband got out of bed and went into the living room to answer the phone. His wife could hear him say, "H ello?" Then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed. A minute later the phone rang again. The husband got out of bed and went into the other room and his wife could hear him say, "Hello?" and then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed. The wife asked who it was. The man said he didn't know. A minute later the phone rang again. The husband got out of bed and went into the other room and his wife could hear him say, "Hello?" Then he said, "Sure is." He hung up the receiver and went back to bed. The wife asked again about the caller. The man said he didn't know who it was. The wife then asked, "Well, what did the person say?" He said, "It's odd, a woman just keeps saying, 'Long distance from Chicago..'"
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

Three expectant fathers were in the waiting room. The nurse came out of the delivery room and announced to one of the fathers that he was the father of twins. He was delighted and said what a coincidence, since he was a member of the Minnesota Twins team. A little later the nurse came out again and said to the next father, congratulations, your wife just had triplets. He was so a happy, and said, "Isn't that a coincidence -- I work for 3M." The other father took off like a shot -- the nurse ran after him, saying, "Where are you going?" Over his shoulder, the nurse heard him mumbling something about his work at 7UP, and heading for Mexico.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amanda Feenstra, 30, Houston, Texas Married Teacher Jailed For Having Long-Term Lesbian Relationship With Student Reported by the Weekly Vice Amanda Feenstra, a 30-year-old dance teacher at Humble High School, has been jailed after she allegedly engaged in a long-term sexual relationship with a female student. According to Police, Feenstra allegedly became involved in a sexual relationship with a female student that lasted for more than a year. Police believe the alleged relationship began in August 2010 and continued through November 2011. Investigators say the student, who was on the dance team Feenstra taught, was 16 years old when she and Feenstra met. That's when Feenstra allegedly approached the girl and told her that she was attracted to her and wanted to get to know her. Feenstra and the teen began spending time with each other from that point forward. During a police interview, the student told detectives that she and Feenstra had sex so many times, she couldn't remember them all. The first sexual encounter took place at Feenstra's home when her husband was away. During that encounter, Feenstra allegedly kissed and "dry humped" the student. On the second sexual encounter, Feenstra allegedly performed oral sex on the teen. She also reportedly used an "erect vibrating penis" on the girl during some of the sexual encounters, according to the arrest affidavit. As the relationship continued, Feenstra and the student had sex inside the dance teacher's office, at extra-curricular school events and Feenstra's home when her husband was away. At some point the student decided to end the relationship and thought that graduating from the school would bring the relationship to a close. That's when Feenstra allegedly began stalking the girl by showing up at her work uninvited and calling her on the phone. This is the point in which the girl "thought she needed to talk to someone," according to the arrest report. The student approached another teacher at the school, and the teacher notified the school principal. Feenstra resigned her position with the Humble School District in 2011 and began working in the Daytom school district a short time after. She resigned her position with Dayton ISD in December after the criminal investigation began. Feenstra was booked into jail and charged with improper relationship between educator and student. Her bond has been set at $30,000. Tech Support Pits From: Edith Re: Filter out Chinese spam Dear Webby, I bet you were expecting this. How do you filter out Chinese spam? I don't read or understand Chinese, and I am not in the least interested in spam from morons, who expect me to learn Chinese to be able to read their unsolicited crap. So, how do I dump it, unseen, on the server? Edith Dear Edith If the entire header contains RegExpr" Content-type[^\n]*(\n[^\n]*)?charset=(3D)?"?(gb2312|euc-cn|big5)" then mark the message as mail to be deleted, automatically. Just copy and paste the part for the value field. For Korean spam, if you are sure it is not fan mail from Kim Young-One, use: If the entire header contains RegExpr"Content-type[^\n]*(\n[^\n]*)?charset=(3D)?"?(ks_c_5601-1987|euc-kr|iso-2022-kr)" then mark the message as mail to be deleted, automatically. That should remove 10 - 15% of your spam. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Natural Cleaning for Spring It's that time of the year to spring clean. It's better to make your own cleaners; no harsh chemicals, cheaper, and it's better for the environment. To clean my kitchen and bathroom counters, I sprinkle baking soda on them and then scrub with a cleaning brush. To clean windows, I use 2 tablespoons of white vinegar with a gallon of water. Put in a spray bottle and you're all set. You can also use lemon juice instead of vinegar which smells good. Instead of buying expensive drain cleaner for clogged drains, I use 2 cups of baking soda. Pour into the drain and then pour hot water from the teapot in. It works really well. By Debbie G. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding? Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. It includes all the jokes and coaching you need to be a smash hit!

A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a ticket they don't let you in on the Jewish high holidays. He said, "Look, I have to give an emergency message to a doctor friend in there." The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket." The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, I'll give the doctor the message and then I'll be right out." "All right," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch you praying."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Flying to San Francisco from San Diego the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. "Well," she explained, up front there are 17 University of San Diego girls going to San Francisco for the weekend. In back, there are 25 Navy recruits out on weekend liberty. "What would you do?"
» Amazon Rainforest Critters


Today, March 11, in 
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome.
1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day 
  according to William Shakespeare.
1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to 
  Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria.
1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian 
  Affairs. Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian 
  to lead the Bureau.
1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted.
1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the peace 
  overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger.
1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal agreement 
  with Nicaragua.
1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan 
  purchased Carnegie Steel Corp. The event made Andrew Carnegie 
  the world's richest man.
1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to 
  revoke its anti-Japanese legislation.
1927 The Flatheads Gang stole $104,250 in the first armored-car 
  robbery near Pittsburgh, PA.
1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in 
  an effort to end arms smuggling to the South.
1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by getting his 
  1,000th career goal.
1978 Palestinian guerrillas on the Tel Aviv Haifa highway killed 
  34 Israelis.
1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. 
  It was the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist 
  control.
1991 In South Africa a curfew was imposed on black townships after 
  fighting between political gangs had left 49 dead.
1992 Former U.S. President Nixon said that the Bush administration 
  was not giving enough economic aid to Russia.
1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty 
  refusing to open sites for inspection.
1997 An explosion at a nuclear waste reprocessing plant caused 35 
  workers to be exposed to low levels of radioactivity. The incident 
  was the worst in Japan's history.
2004 In Madrid, Spain, several coordinated bombing attacks on commuter 
  trains killed at least 190 people and injured more than 2,000. 
2013  smiled


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How to filter out Japanese spam 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, March 10.


Remember to set your alarm clock ahead an hour, and 
the one on the stove and the one on the coffee machine.

I was surprised to see that not one single reader was 
interested in the home-brew beer for next to no cost.
Beer, in moderation, is actually extremely healthy,
especially home made beer, that has all the natural
micro-nutrients and vitamines still in it.

Well, in case you change your mind, I will keep the link
alive at http://webby.com/beer
In case you forget, just write me.

Sailor wrote to me:
"Webby, let me ask you this --
Dennis Rodman goes to North Korea and then two days later, 
North Korea says it "WANTS TO NUKE THE UNITED STATES OFF 
THE FACE OF THE WORLD"

Is Rodman really that ugly?
Sailor"

Well Kim Jon-Un is no prize himself, except in North Korea.


What Rodman did not realize is that North Korea has 
traditionally been guided by Chihuahua philosophy.
If anyone tries to make any friendly or conciliatory
gesture to a yapping Chihuahua, it interpretes that as a
sign of weakness and retreat, and it gets noisier.

Obviously, what Rodman did was not the correct way to deal 
with a short and chubby practitioner of Chihuahua philosophy.

A polite little Hiroshima nuke would not be good either.
They can do that themselves now.
A HUGE Hydrogen bomb a few miles off-shore, lighting up the 
night with a horrific thunder clap and causing a bit 
of a Tsunami would suitably reset the relationship and
initiate suddenly friendly terms.

It remains to be seen if the Government retreats or
responds properly.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
Joe's wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Joe would head outside to the porch. His wife, with hurt feelings, said, "What's the matter, Joe? Don't you like my singing?" Joe replied, "Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I'm not beating you."
Have I got a deal for you! Aquaponics is on special for $19 instead of the normal $97! What's Aquaponics? Isn't that the top secret technology some pros use to grow medicinal herbs and stuff in half the time and two to ten times the crop per square foot? Yes, it sure is! It is the technology of combining a fish tank, that produces all the nutrients the plants need, with hydroponics, that cleans that stuff out of the water and preps it for the fish. Very neat and clean WIN-WIN deal! You don't need a shark tank on your balcony. The book tells you how small a fish tank is enough for your tomatoes and carrots and parsley and mushrooms and herbs. If you have a closet, balcony, or garden space, grab Aquaponics, while it is on sale! AND, they throw in $300 worth of additional books! By the way, there is no weeding necessary with Aquaponics!

A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?" "No, dear, not at all," he replied, "Our house is more faded than that."
Click on the picture for the large version BIG ZOOM
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jose Acevedo, 41, Cape Coral, Florida Jailed After Beating Wife's Head Repeatedly With Baseball Bat While Couple's Son Watched In Horror Reported by the Smoking Gun Jose Acevedo, a 41-year-old Florida man, was jailed after he allegedly crashed a minivan into his wife's bedroom, grabbed a baseball bat and began beating her in front of the couple's 7-year-old son. According to Cape Coral Police, officers were dispatched to the couple's home at around 6:30 a.m. Tuesday after 911 operators received a report of domestic violence. When officers arrived at the scene, they saw a white minivan that had crashed into the couple's house, just outside the master bedroom. Inside the house they found Jose Acevedo and his wife, 45-year-old Yolima Papa-Sanchez. Papa Sanchez was seriously injured while Acevedo appeared uninjured. As the investigation unfolded, detectives learned that Acevedo intentionally crashed the couple's minivan into the house knowing that his wife and 7-year-old son were asleep inside the master bedroom. Since the minivan did not successfully penetrate the wall and enter the bedroom, Acevedo decided to finish the task a different way. That's when he allegedly exited the van, grabbed an aluminum baseball bat and commenced beating his wife in the head with it. Acevedo allegedly struck his wife with the bat multiple times while their 7-year-old son watched in horror. He allegedly stopped the attack when his wife cried "I love you, Don't kill me." Investigators say Yolima Papa-Sanchez sustained severe trauma to her skull, a fractured forearm, multiple lacerations and a number of defensive wounds. She was rushed to Lee Memorial Hospital where she continues to be treated and is expected to survive her injuries. During a police interview, Acevedo stated that he wanted his wife to die and admitted that he "broke her head." When asked how he knew what kind of damage he caused, Acevedo stated that he "saw stuff coming out of her head." Acevedo was booked into the Lee County Jail and charged with attempted murder and aggravated assault. Tech Support Pits From: Freddy Re: Filter out Japanese email Dear Webby, you mentioned at one time a way to filter out Japanese spam. Since I can neither read nor understand Japanese, I am quite definitely not interested in Spam, that is in Japanese writing. Now, how do I do that? I do have mailWasher, and sometimes it flags it for deletion automatically, but not always. Thanks Freddy Dear Freddy Make a filter and name it Japanese Mail Set it to take precedence over the Friends List Hide the email Status descriptionL Japanese email Checkmark: Mark the email fordeletion Automatically (without notification) ANY rule below Rules: The Entire header Contains Reg Expr then in the next field paste: Content-type[^\n]*(\n[^\n]*)?charset=(3D)?"?(euc-jp|iso-2022-jp) Hit OK It will probably squawk that deleting without notification is dangerous. Yeah, so what. You can't read Japanese anyway. From then on you won't see Japanese spam any more. It gets deleted automatically, on the server, without even telling you about it. You can see in the pie chart in the stats what percentage of spam had been nabbed with that filter. This sounds complicated, if you don't have MailWasher. However, if you have it in front of you and see those options, just clicking on them is no big deal at all. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pay Forward To pay forward is nice - How do I pay forward? Menard's has US made flags on sale this week, Yesterday I bought a dozen of them. Why so many? When I go down the road and see a torn and tattered flag I replace it with a new one. I keep the old ones and display them in my garage. sailor Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Nervous about having to MC a relative's or friend's wedding? Get the Wedding MCWedding MC book. It includes all the jokes and coaching you need to be a smash hit!

I was inspecting communications facilities in Alaska. Since I had little experience in flying in small planes, I was nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow-covered area. The pilot descended to just a couple hundred feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm. "I wonder why he didn't land," I said. "He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed," the man said. As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window. "It looks plowed to me," I commented. "No," my seat mate said. "It hasn't been cleared for some time." "How can you tell?" I asked. "Because," the man informed me, "I'm the guy who drives the plow."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
RETARDED GRANDPARENTS (this was actually reported by a teacher) After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following: We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but in it, they all jump up and down with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. They go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night ---early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.
» The Live of flowers


Today, March 10, in 
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the 
  Battle of Aegusa.
0049 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and invaded Italy.
1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the 
  Western Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain.
1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did 
  not call it back for 11 years.
1776 "Common Sense" by Thomas Paine was published.
1792 John Stone patented the pile driver.
1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase 
  from France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis.
1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered to the British.
1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a combined 
  Allied Army at the battle of Laon.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call with the 
  telephone.
1902 The Boers of South Africa scored their last victory over the 
  British, when they captured British General Methuen and 200 men.
1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an earthquake.
1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating machine.
1903 In New York's harbor, the disease-stricken ship Karmania was 
  quarantined with six dead from cholera.
1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion 
  at Courrieres.
1910 Slavery was abolished in China.
1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the 
  Manchu Ch'ing Dynasty.
1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law forbidding 
  late-night work for women.
1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs.
1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain 
  allowed food to reach France.
1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 100,000 were killed.
1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS Missouri. 
  The ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the enemy position. 
  It is not known whether they hit anything.
1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp at Ashau Valley.
1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest 
  U.S. dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its 
  headquarters from Paris.
1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to the 
  militants holding American hostages in Tehran.
1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal 
  grand jury about the Whitewater controversy.
2002 The Associated Press reported that the Pentagon informed the 
  U.S. Congress in January that it was making contingency plans for 
  the possible use of nuclear weapons against countries that threaten 
  the U.S. with weapons of mass destruction, including Iraq and North Korea.
2003 North Korea test-fired a short-range missile. The event was 
  one of several in a patter of unusual military maneuvers.
2013  smiled


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How to recognize a spoof 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, March 9.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us. --- George Eliot (1819 - 1880) I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. --- Will Rogers (1911 - 1980)
Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School. So they went to the nearest church. Only the janitor was there. One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?" "Sure," said the janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "You are now baptized!". " When they got outside, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?" The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, .....because they pour the water on you." "We're not Babtis, .....because they dunk all of you in the water." "We're not Methdiss, ......because they just sprinkle water on you." The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water!" They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do you think that means?" "I think it means we're Pisscopailians.
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink! And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely...... A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? -------------------- I tried that stunt, but the nurses aide, that was doing the job, was in a big rush to get back to playing Mafia-Wars and FarmVille, and probably had read that joke, the last time I had featured it. Also, they don't use oxygen masks any more. Nowadays they just stick some small molded plastic hoses into your nose. Works great and the oxygen enriched air sure makes a difference!
Click on the picture for the large version View OVER Black Diamond and to the mountains behind it. If you look closely, near the bottom, just a tiny bit to the right from center, you see our water tower. I took the picture from a hill about ten miles East of Black Diamond.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christie Dawn Harris, 28, Ada, Oklahoma Perp Had Loaded Revolver In Her Vagina Reported by the Smoking Gun An Oklahoma woman arrested Monday on drug charges had a loaded handgun hidden in her vagina, according to police. The weapon was discovered during a search of Christie Dawn Harris, 28, by a female officer with the Ada Police Department. According to a police report, the cop spotted the handle of the five-shot revolver "sticking out from" inside Harris. In a less shocking find, investigators also discovered plastic baggies containing methamphetamine lodged in the crack of Harris’s buttocks. The Freedom Arms .22-caliber handgun was loaded with three live rounds and one spent shell, cops reported. As to where the weapon was recovered, the police report noted, “gun located in suspect vagina.” At around 3:45 AM Monday, cops spotted Harris and another woman, Jennifer Delancy, inside a vehicle parked outside a closed restaurant. The women were in the front of the vehicle and “both seats were laid all the way back.” Asked by a cop if the car contained weapons or drugs, Harris, who was behind the wheel, answered that “she did not think there was anything.” But when a drug dog alerted to both the driver and passenger sides of the Toyota Yaris, cops searched the vehicle and found meth, drug paraphernalia, a pistol, and a loaded magazine. Harris and Delancy were then arrested. While being transported to jail, Harris “stated several times that she needed to go to the bathroom.” At the lockup, Harris was directed to change out of her clothes into “jail clothing.” When directed to lower her underwear so that a female cop could check for contraband, Harris “advised that she was on her period and did not want to.” Harris eventually complied with the cop’s order. “I observed at that time a wooden and metal item sticking out from her vagina area,” reported Officer Kathy Unbewust, who added that she “pulled the item from her vagina, and found it to be a 5 shot revolver with rounds in the chamber.” Harris is scheduled to be arraigned this afternoon on felony Harris did not have a permit to carry a concealed weapon in her special holster. Tech Support Pits From: Annelise Re: Recognize Spoofs Dear Webby, Is there an easy way to recognize spoofs like the fake mails from PayPal, banks and postcards ? Annelise Dear Annelise Yes, there is. If you have MailWasher, it will recognize them and flag them for deleting. You can also peek at the header, without downloding the mail. It will show you what address is underlying thefake PayPal address. Also, with the better email programs you can hover your mouse over the embedded links and watch the bottom status line. It will show you where the link actually goes to. If it goes to some number domain or some other weird name instead of the one it pretends to go to, trash that mail. Don't bother blackisting. Spammers never forge the same phony sending address twice in a row. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pay Tolls Forward I live on an island in the middle of a river in upstate NY. To get home, I must pay a toll, as must all drivers who cross the island on the NY State Thruway. Each week, I stash dollar bills in the visor. When I enter the tollbooth ahead of an out of state car, I pay their toll of $1 per car. Gives them a pleasant small surprise. So pay the toll for the car behind you at a toll booth. That is paying forward, literally. By jean leiner Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! Included Bonus books: "Better Breads" and "Awesome Appetizers" 60 Day money back Guarantee!

Where would you be if: You come home and the finest meal is awaiting you, your bathwater has been run, and your partner is awaiting you in skimpy clothing with open arms and kisses. Where would you be? In the wrong house, Dummy!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?" She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on?" they asked. Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said, "It's a Buick." "OK lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. "What does it do?" we asked. She said, "I don't know but it's always been there." One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it and they just fall down behind the counter. Finally one of them told her that they have lots of 710 caps, because Buicks seem to loose them quite frequently.
» Tiny Bugs


Today, March 9, in 
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in his honor.
1496 Jews are expelled from Carintha Austria
1497 Nicolaus Copernicus 1st recorded astronomical observation,
1500 Pedro Cabral departs with 13 ships to India
1522 Martin Luther preaches his Invocavit 
1562 Kissing in public banned in Naples (punishable by death) 
1617 The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern 
  Russia by Swedish troops.
1697 Czar Peter the Great begins tour of West-Europe 
1734 The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland.
1745 The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston, MA.
1791 George Hayward, 1st US surgeon to use ether 
1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in 
  North America. The event was witnessed by U.S. President 
  George Washington.
1796 Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were married. 
  They were divorced in 1809.
1799 The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of Berlin, CT, 
  for 500 horse pistols at the price of $6.50 each.
1812 Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon.
1822 Charles M. Graham received the first patent for 
  artificial teeth.
1839 The French Academy of Science announced the Daguerreotype 
  photo process.
1858 Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box.
1862 During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and 
  Virginia fought to a draw in a five-hour battle at Hampton 
  Roads, Virginia.
1905 In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the royal 
  tombs of Tua and Yua.
1905 In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000 Russian 
  troops that were retreating from Mudken.
1911 The funding for five new battleships was added to the 
  British military defense budget.
1916 Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, 
  New Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen.
1945 During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched incendiary 
  bomb attacks against Japan.
1956 British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop Makarios 
  from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting terrorists.
1957 Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the tolls 
  for the use of the Suez Canal.
1964 The first Ford Mustang rolled off of the Ford assembly line.
1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam.
1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline.
1975 Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds.
1977 About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three buildings 
  in Washington, DC. They killed one person and took more than 
  130 hostages. The siege ended two days later.
1986 U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the space 
  shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the astronauts.
1989 In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into bankruptcy.
1989 In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a mandatory 
  death penalty in drug-related killings. He was ignored.
1993 Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four Los Angeles 
  police officers accused of violating his civil rights.
1995 The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for illegally 
  fishing near Newfoundland. 
2013  smiled


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Anti-Spyware 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, March 8.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are. --- Anais Nin
Listening to a young Yuppie couple argue as they waited for their prescriptions at least helped me pass the time. When their meds were finally ready, they paid and walked away. The druggist stood there and shook his head. I asked, "What's with them ?" He sighed and replied, "They're incompatible. He's on Xanax and she's on Prozac....."
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink! And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

Thanks to Bill for this: Unemployment explained THESE ARE PRETTY SMART FELLAS!!! So how can over 873,000 people come off the unemployment rolls when there were only a little over 114,000 jobs created? Below is a transcript of a conversation between two eminent economists discussing this very question! COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America. ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 7.8%. COSTELLO: That many people are out of work? ABBOTT: No, that's 14.7%. COSTELLO: You just said 7.8%. ABBOTT: 7.8% Unemployed. COSTELLO: Right 7.8% out of work. ABBOTT: No, that's 14.7%. COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 14.7% unemployed. ABBOTT: No, that's 7.8%. COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 7.8% or 14.7%? ABBOTT: 7.8% are unemployed. 14.7% are out of work. COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed. ABBOTT: No, Congress said you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed. COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!! ABBOTT: No, you miss his point. COSTELLO: What point? ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair. COSTELLO: To whom? ABBOTT: The unemployed. COSTELLO: But ALL of them are out of work. ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed. COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment roles that would count as less unemployment? ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely! COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work? ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how they get it to 7.8%. Otherwise it would be 14.7%. Our govt. doesn't want you to read about 14.7% unemployment. COSTELLO: That would be tough on those running for reelection. ABBOTT: Absolutely. COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number? ABBOTT: Two ways is correct. COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job? ABBOTT: Correct. COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job? ABBOTT: Bingo. COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to have people stop looking for work. ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like an Economist. COSTELLO: I don't even know what the hell I just said! ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like Congress.
Thanks to Sailor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Sailor's garden shed
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Regina Sanders, 55, Tulsa, Oklahoma "My Job Is To Harass You Bitches," Explained The Woman Who Dialed 911 Operators 59 Times In One Day Reported by the Smoking Gun An Oklahoma woman charged with placing dozens of obscene and harassing calls to 911 gave a police emergency operator a curious rationale for her actions: “My job is to harass you bitches,” said Regina Sanders. The 44-year-old Sanders, seen above, dialed the Tulsa Emergency Communications Center 59 times over an eight-hour period last year, according to a District Court criminal information. Sanders has been charged with placing “obscene/threatening/harassing” phone calls and interfering with police emergency operators, both misdemeanors. She got her free room and board, pleasantly heated. Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Anti Spyware Dear Webby I love your newsletter and have used many of your computer tips. I have been searching the web for a good anti-spyware program. Of course, there are thousands of them. Is there one that you would highly recommend; and one that's not complicated. Thanks Bonnie Dear Bonnie I recommend the Spybot-Search&Destroy so highly that I have been making space for it in my Tool Box for a dozen years or more. Just click on the big blue Spybot-Search&Destroy button and download it. It's free! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check Amazon For Replacement Charging Cords When you need a charger cord for your Nintendo DS or DSI, always check at amazon.com first before buying another one. I bought one for four dollars and that included shipping. Of course, as soon as I ordered it on the internet, then we found the old charger. LOL. By Robyn Fed from Tri-Cities, TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! Included Bonus books: "Better Breads" and "Awesome Appetizers" 60 Day money back Guarantee!

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Researchers now say that most dogs can be trained to understand more than 200 words. That gives them language skills equal to apes, dolphins, and most politicians.
» Cute & Funny Pix


Today, March 8, in 
1418 Jacoba van Bayern marries her cousin John IV van Brabant
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion.
1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of 
   King William III.
1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge 
  at Niagara Falls, NY.
1862 The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched.
1880 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes declared that the 
  United States would have jurisdiction over any canal 
  built across the isthmus of Panama.
1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett Horton.
1905 In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was 
  spreading to Georgia.
1907 The British House of Commons turned down a women's suffrage bill.
1910 The King of Spain authorized women to attend universities.
1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared 
  that Britain would not support France in the event of a 
  military conflict. They did anyway.
1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and 
  strikes in St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the 
  "February Revolution" due to Russia's use of the Old Style 
  calendar.
1921 French troops occupied Dusseldorf, Germany.
1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first 
  time at Franklin, IN.
1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to extinguish 
  any anti-Nazi protests.
1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon, Burma.
1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in 
  Bougainville. The battle lasted five days.
1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam.
1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction 
  in public schools was unconstitutional.
1953 A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers 
  had quit farming over the last 2 years.
1959 Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance together.
1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They were 
  the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam.
1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number of troops 
in Vietnam.
1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans 
  with poison gas.
1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three days 
  of protest against Chinese rule.
1999 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the conviction of Timothy McVeigh 
  for the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City in 1995.
1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed the 
  firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at the 
  Los Alamos National Laboratory. The firing was a result of 
  alleged security violations.
2005 In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan Maskhadov was 
  killed during a raid by Russian forces.
2013  smiled


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Image Stabilizer 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, March 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes." Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later, he pulled out his head and look in the mirror, and saw the best haircut of his life. "Would wonders never cease! This futuristic stuff is amazing," he thought. Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures $10." "Why not?" he thought. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured. The next machine had a sign that read, "Machine provides a service men need when away from their wives, 50 Cents." "Oh, man.... do I ever need that!" He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw his member which now had a button neatly sewn on the end.
"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you got any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?" "Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel." "Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours." Mrs. Smith explained brightly, "Oh, I wrote them during office hours."
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink! And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

Thanks to Sailor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Sailor's garden shed
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jamie Jeanette Craft Woman charged with DWI after trying to drive off in toy truck Reported by the Huffington Post A Jonesboro woman was arrested on DWI charges after police say she slammed into a mobile home then tried to leave the scene of the accident in a child’s battery-operated truck. Jamie Jeanette Craft, 29, is also charged with public intoxication, refusal to submit, disorderly conduct, leaving the scene of an accident with property damage and driving while license cancelled, suspended or revoked. Just 5:30 p.m. Sunday officers were called to 4303 Aggie Road. According to a witness, Craft was traveling at a “high rate of speed” when her 2001 Pontiac Grand Am rounded a corner and hit the under panel of his trailer. Another witness told police that Craft, who was dressed in a white sweat shirt with no pants or shoes on, began yelling at him. According to the police report, she grabbed the man’s daughter and got into his son’s Power Wheels truck. The man told police he grabbed his children and took them to his parent’s house. When he came back out he said Craft was still in the toy truck “trying to drive it.” After he and his father made her get out of the truck, the man told police she began yelling and walked to her mother’s house. That’s where police found her when they arrived. They say she was also “irate and very intoxicated.” Officer Scott Byrd administered a portable breathalyzer test to Craft. “Because she could barely stand,” he and Officer Cody Coley had to hold her shoulders “so that she would not fall over,” according to Byrd’s report. Byrd reported the PBT gave a reading of .217 blood alcohol content, which is nearly three times the legal limit. During the investigation, Officer Coley reported Craft “started to yell and scream.” She continued to scream after she was placed into custody and began to kick the door of his police car, he reported. Craft “continued to be very disorderly and uncooperative” once she arrived at Craighead County Detention Center, according to the report. She put on a nce smile for the mug-shot, though. Craft was left at the jail in lieu of $2,067 surety bond. Tech Support Pits From: Julie Re: Image stabilizer Dear Webby I have seen some cameras advertised that claim to have an image stabilizer. Does that really work, or is it just hype? If it DOES work, how does it work? I have always been told, even by you, that for long zoom shots there is no substitute for a sturdy tripod. Julie Dear Julie An image stabilizer takes an average of a few microseconds of jittering around and electronically locks that for a second or two. It works great for long distance landscape pictures at high zoom, but is not so good for fast action shots. If you, for example want to take pictures of a fast basketball game, get in closer, use less zoom, and turn the image stabilizer off. Use it for slow moving animals like alligators, turn it off for butterflies and humming birds. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Kool-Aid to Dye Easter Eggs Instead of using expensive Easter egg dye kits use packets of Kool-Aid instead. It's much less expensive and you don't have to end up with all of the doo dads included in each dye kit package that you'll probably not use. All you need to do is mix one packet of Kool-Aid with 3/4 cup warm water in small glass bowls. For colors the following Kool-Aid flavors work the best: red = cherry orange = orange yellow = lemonade plus a little bit of orange green = lime blue = berry blue By Deeli Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! Included Bonus books: "Better Breads" and "Awesome Appetizers" 60 Day money back Guarantee!

A passenger in Rusty's taxi tapped him on the shoulder to ask him a question. Rusty screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the bank, and stopped six inches from a large window. For a moment everything went quiet in the cab, then Rusty said, "Look man, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." Rusty calmed down a little and replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral hearse for the last 25 years."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One day a mother took her 6-year-old son with her to visit a friend at work. Everyone there knew her, and she was offered a cup of coffee. That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, her son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered. Imagine the woman's shock when she heard her son say, "Wow! You know how to make beer?"
» Cute & Funny Pix


Today, March 7, in 
-0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died.
1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce.
1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men 
  massacred more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners.
1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed.
1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved.
1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent for his telephone.
1901 It was announced that blacks had been found enslaved 
  in parts of South Carolina.
1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok.
1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot 
  a black man accused of murder.
1906 Finland granted women the right to vote.
1908 Cincinnati's mayor, Mark Breith announced before 
  the city council that, "Women are not physically fit 
  to operate automobiles."
1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker.

1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. 
  sent 20,000 troops to the border of Mexico.
1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany.
1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia.
1933 The board game Monopoly was invented.
1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph 
  in Florida.
1936 Hitler sent German troops into the Rhineland (German
  s[eaking areas taken by France after WWI) in violation of 
  the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles.
1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea.
1945 During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River 
  at Remagen, Germany.
1951 U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway launched
 Operation Ripper against the Chinese.
1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey 
  competition. Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world 
  ice-hockey title in Stockholm, Sweden.
1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end.
1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos.
1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II 
  massacre in Katyn.
1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke 
  fun at an original work can be considered "fair use" that 
  does not require permission from the copyright holder.
2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than 
  $88 million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a 
  legal battle over the estate of Smith's late husband, 
  J. Howard Marshall II.
2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching for extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida.
2012 The successor to Apple's iPad2 was unveiled. 
2013  smiled


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Sorting in WORD 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, March 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. --- Sacha Guitry (1885 - 1957) Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. -- H. L. Mencken ..and misquoted and held against him by the media, and anybody who did not do their homework.
From Peter Hi Thought the funnies below may be of interest to you - they may not be new, but they do raise a smile. ======================================================================== Thinking of you, I recently had a lens graft for my right eye, to replace an earlier graft starting to reject. I originally had the lenses in both eyes replaced with grafts in 1996 - as a result almost losing my vision from Fuchs’ endothelial dystrophy. Peter Australia ======================================================================= HOLY ORDERS Church Ladies With typewriters. -------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus. -------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you... -------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. -------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. -------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. -------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5pm - prayer and medication to follow. -------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------- This evening at 7pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done. -------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door. -------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. -------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".
Thanks to Ellie for this: My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free news- papers for his customers. As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost of the papers." "Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties clothes more than newsprint."
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink! And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mary Maloney, 53, Teacher, Offers Oral Sex To Police Officer After Hit-And-Run Charge Reported by the Huffington Post Middle school math teacher Mary Maloney allegedly offered oral sex to a police officer after being nabbed for a hit-and-run in Palm Beach County, Fla. Maloney, 53, was arrested Sunday after she crashed her van into a pickup truck around 8:35 p.m., then took off, according to an arrest report obtained by the Sun Sentinel. A witness to the crash tracked Maloney's van to a parking spot and then called police. The arresting officer said he found an empty gallon jug of wine behind Maloney's driver's seat and "immediately smelled the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person," according to WPTV. The report states that her eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and partially closed. The officer that drove Maloney to the police station noted that she asked him "How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don't you understand I am a school teacher?" She then allegedly offered to perform oral sex on him and allow him to play with her breasts. Maloney was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of a crash with damage, resisting an officer without violence, driving with a suspended license and attempted bribery of a public servant. A spokesman for the Palm Beach County school district told WPBF that the teacher could potentially be suspended or terminated, depending on how her case turns out. Maloney was convicted of a DUI in 2009, and was arrested on a battery charge, then later on a charge of probation violation, in 2010. Tech Support Pits From: Eloise Re: Sorting in WORD Dear Webby Once upon a time, long, long ago, you told us how to quickly sort a list in WORD. Unfortunately, at the time I did not need that and did not pay attention. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Eloise Dear Eloise Highlight what you want to sort, hit ALT F9 (or click on TOOLS, SORT, then choose if you want to sort the lines or paragraphs. If you are sorting email addresses that are one address per line, select LINE. If you are sorting physical addresses that are 4 or 5 lines per contact, make sure you have a paragraph break (empty line) between each address block. If your sort task spans many pages, it's usually best to temporarily copy the data to be sorted to a new file, sort it there, and then copy it back into the original document. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mama's Belly Butter To avoid stretch marks while pregnant, make 4 ounces of Mama's belly butter. Ingredients: 1/2 cup cocoa butter 2 Tbsp. wheat germ oil 2 tsp. sesame seed oil 2 tsp. apricot kernel oil 2 tsp. vitamin E oil 4 tsp. grated beeswax 2 tsp. vanilla extract Directions: Put all ingredients in saucepan, except vanilla. Warm over low heat until cocoa butter and beeswax are melted. Stir well. Remove from heat stir and in vanilla. Cool briefly. Pour into glass jar. Leave lid off until completely cool. Source: A magazine but I cannot remember which one. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! Included Bonus books: "Better Breads" and "Awesome Appetizers" 60 Day money back Guarantee!

It was a difficult subject to bring before his aged mother, but John felt that he must: "Mom, you're no longer a spring chicken and you do need to think ahead of what'll happen in the future. Why don't we make arrangements about when...you know...when...you pass on?" The mother didn't say anything, just sat there staring ahead. "I mean, Mom, like...how do you want to finally go? Do you want to be buried? Cremated?" There was yet another long pause. Then the mother looked up and said, "Son, why don't you surprise me?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked, soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravishes me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered,put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually. "Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?" His funeral will be held next Thursday
» Spiritual Spires


Today, March 6, in 
1521 Magellan discovered Guam.
1834 The city of York in Upper Canada was 
  incorporated as Toronto.
1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Anna and 
  his army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men 
  defeated the 189 Texas volunteers.
1854 At the Washington Monument, several men stole the Pope's
  Stone from the lapidarium.
1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix Hoffman 
  and Hermann Dreser.
1928 A Communist attack on Peking, China resulted in 
  3,000 dead and 50,000 fled to Swatow.
1939 In Spain, Jose Miaja took over the Madrid government 
  after a military coup and vowed to seek "peace with honor."
1944 During World War II, U.S. heavy bombers began the first
  American raid on Berlin. Allied planes dropped 2000 tons 
  of bombs.
1946 Ho Chi Minh, the President of Vietnam, struck an agreemen
  with France that recognized his country as an autonomous 
  state within the Indochinese Federation and the French Union.
1947 The first air-conditioned naval ship, "The Newport News," 
  was launched from Newport News, VA.
1957 The British African colonies of the Gold Coast and 
  Togoland became the independent state of Ghana.
1960 Switzerland granted women the right to vote in municipal
  elections.
1960 The United States announced that it would send 3,500 
  troops to Vietnam.
1970 Charles Manson released his album "Lies" to finance 
  his defense against murder charges.
1973 U.S. President Richard Nixon imposed price controls 
  on oil and gas.
1975 Iran and Iraq announced that they had settled their 
  border dispute.
1980 Islamic militants in Tehran said that they would 
  turn over American hostages to the Revolutionary Council.
1981 U.S. President Reagan announced a plan to cut 37,000 
  federal jobs.
1987 The British ferry Herald of Free Enterprise capsized 
  in the Channel off the coast of Belgium. 189 people died.
1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned the
  ownership of private property.
1991 In Paris, five men were jailed for plotting to smuggle 
  Libyan arms to the Irish Republican Army.
1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official
  royal Web site.
1998 A Connecticut state lottery accountant gunned down three supervisors and the lottery chief before killing himself. 
2013  smiled


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Wireless Connectivity 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, March 5

From Tim Trask, long time friend and famous sculptor:

Hello Everyone
 We are in the first phase of raising money for the 
Buffalo Soldier Memorial! Please go to the following website 
on Indiegogo For Duty and Country 
Donate if you can, at least like, and share this with others. 
Help us to get this project off the ground.
                                                                                             Tim Trask

By the way, the 8 foot tall Wyatt Earp bronze statue in 
Tombstone, Arizona, is typical of Tim's work. Here he is
still working on the form:


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. --- George Burns
The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long- term capital gain?"
Fifty-one years ago Herman James, a Tennessee Mountain Man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in Basic, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nathan Wells and Joshua Granger, Evangeline Parish, Louisiana Jailed After Sexually Abusing Dog, Posting Video Of The Act Online Reported by the Weekly Vice Evangeline Parish residents Nathan Wells and Joshua Granger have been jailed after they engaged in sexual acts with a Siberian Husky, recorded the encounters and then shared the abusive video over the Internet. According to the Evangeline Parish Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched after the Humane Society of Louisiana received a tip about the abuse. The information was then forwarded to the Louisiana State Police Sex Crimes Unit. When detectives interviewed Wells and Granger at their residence, the two men admitted to videotaping the acts and sharing it online. The victim, a Siberian Husky named "Nyla," received no serious internal injuries and will soon be available for adoption, according to HSL director Jeff Dorson. Wells and Granger were booked into the Evangeline Parish Jail and charged with crimes against nature. Both men were released after posting a 7,500 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Wireless Connectivity Dear Webby I am used to using the wireless modem in my laptop to connect to hotels where I am staying, and am fairly comfortable with the procedure. However, now and then it happens that I connect to the hotel's router, and see good signal strength, but can't get anywhere. What do you recommend in those cases? Brenda Dear Brenda Get your money back and go to a better hotel. They gambled on a 4 station router being enough, and you were #5. They rarely admit that and that type of hotel usually tries to blame it on your computer. It is NOT your computer's fault, and not your settings. Do not let them talk you into changing your settings, and don't let them waste your time, while they hope that somebody will log off. Just demand your money back and go to a better hotel. Without messing with your settings, you can usually get better connectivity from the parking lot of a Holiday Inn, than from the lobby of for example a Baymont Inn. When enough people smarten up and demand their money back, they will eventually get more routers and stop trying to blame you. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Store Gift Cards For Big Purchases If you shop at Target or any other stores that have the promotional "get a gift card with purchase of this item", save your gift cards (someplace you won't forget or lose them, like I tend to do) until the amount builds enough for you to buy a big item - preferably around the holidays. A friend of mine shops at the Target sales frequently. Quite often they have a sale where you get a $5 gift card for buying an item. Two years ago she started saving her gift cards in January. By December, she had enough saved to get her family an xBox 360 for less than $30 out of pocket! They never would have been able to afford one any other way! I thought this was a great idea, so I've been saving my own gift cards, instead of using them on my next purchase! By lyonpridej from Oklahoma Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

re yesterday's dummer... What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? Homeless
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied, "That's true, but, of course, the answers are completely different now."
» Up, Up & Ooops


Today, March 5, in 
1461 Henry VI was deposed by Duke of York during War of the Roses 
1496 English King Henry VII hires John Cabot to explore
1528 Utrecht Governor Maarten van Rossum plunders The Hague
1558 Smoking tobacco introduced in Europe by Francisco Fernandes 
1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was 
  enacted in Virginia.
1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class was 
  exempted from whipping by legislation.
1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops 
  fired on a crowd in Boston killing five people. Two British 
  troops were later convicted of manslaughter.
1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege.
1836 Samuel Colt manufactured the first pistol (.34-caliber).
1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez 
invaded Texas for the first time since the revolution. They 
  briefly occupied San Antonio, but soon headed back to the 
  Rio Grande.
1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels to 
  the western U.S.
1867 An abortive Fenian uprising against English rule took 
  place in Ireland.
1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake.
1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt 
  revolutionary disturbances.
1901 Germany and Britain began negotiations with hopes of 
  creating an alliance.
1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 40,000 
  demonstrators were dispersed by troops.
1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs to 
  show support for striking transit workers.
1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for military 
  purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights behind Turkish 
  lines west of Tripoli.
1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd to Moscow.
1922 Phoebe Anne Oakley Mozee broke all existing records for 
  women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100 targets.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day bank 
  holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from being 
  withdrawn from banks.
1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German 
  parliamentary elections.
1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was celebrated.
1946 Winston Churchill delivered his "Iron Curtain Speech".
1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in power 
  for 29 years.
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation 
  in public schools.
1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect 
  after 43 nations ratified it.
1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right 
  to display the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas display.
1993 Cuban President Fidel Castro said that Hillary Clinton 
  is "a beautiful woman."
1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough water 
  on the moon to support a human colony and rocket fueling station.
2004 Martha Stewart was found guilty of lying about the reason 
  for selling 3,298 shares of ImClone Systems stock, conspiracy, 
  making false statement and obstruction of justice.
2013  smiled


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Sort Favorites in IE 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, March 4

Thank you, Allene!

March is not the beginning of spring in Alberta,
and Gullible Warming only applies in areas, where people
want to give Al Gore some money to administer.
A vicious blizzard reminded us of that fact. 

Horizontal snowing, high snow drifts in some places
and bare grass showing in others. The windows on one side 
are caked with snow, and on the other side of the house
I see a four foot high snow drift between the house and 
the garage, and grass showing ten feet away from that.

I am not going to shovel that 4 foot deep snow drift.
Not yet, anyway. The wind would just replenish it in 
ten minutes. Chances are good, that the wind will change,
and move that snow drift to the other side of the garage.

The RCMP closed the highways and told everybody to stay
at home, indoors, and not even think about driving anywhere.
For a change people seem to listen to them. There are no
tracks in the snow on 2nd Street and none on 4th Avenue 
either. No traffic at all since Saturday evening. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

To find yourself jilted is a blow to your pride. Do your best to forget it and if you don't succeed, at least pretend to. --- Moliere (1622 - 1673) Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life. --- Robert Byrne
Thanks to Gina for this story: When my youngest daughter was three, she begged to be allowed to attend a concert with her older sister and brother. She assured me she was a big girl and would behave herself. As we took our seats in the orchestra hall, I handed programs to the kids. Following the lead of her older siblings, my three-year-old opened her program, and in her most grown-up voice said, "Mommy, I'll have the chicken-balls, please."
A little boy runs up to his mother and shouts, "Mommy! Mommy! I want to be a drummer when I grow up!" The mother sweetly replies, "You can't do BOTH."
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Hannah Steiner, 18, Jackson, Tennessee Jailed for Raping 13-Year-Old Boy Inside Church Reported by the Weekly Vice Hannah Steiner, an 18-year-old Tennessee female was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly raped a 13-year-old boy at a local church - just moments before Sunday services began. According to Jackson Police, Steiner and the victim were attending Skyline Church of Christ Sunday morning when the alleged sexual encounter took place. Investigators say the encounter started off with consensual touching. When the boy felt things had gone far enough, he attempted to stop. That's when Steiner allegedly forced him to have sex. During police interviews, Steiner and the victim both confirmed the incident. Steiner was booked into the Madison County Jail and charged with rape and two counts of statutory rape. Her bail has been set at $5,000. Tech Support Pits From: Thomas Re: Sort Favorites in IE Dear Webby I have a PC.Is there a way to arrange the favorite list in alphabetical order? Thanks --Thomas Dear Thomas Yes, there IS an easy way, though Microsoft won't tell you. They tell you to mess with the registry. I found that if you right-click on the topmost grey menu bar and take the checkmark off the STANDARD BUTTONS, then instead of the favorites showing in a long list on the left side, they pull down from the word FAVORITES. Right click anywhere in there, and you will see the option to sort. After sorting, you can put the checkmark back onto STANDARD BUTTONS, and the favorites will remain nicely sorted for a while. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get More Out of Your Apples If you want to maximize the amount of fruit you can get out of an apple, consider cutting it up before eating it. First, cut the apple from top to bottom, from the stem end to the blossom end. Using a small paring knife, cut a tiny "v" shaped notch at the top and bottom of the cut halves, removing the blossom end and stem. Then, using either your small paring knife in a circular motion, or a small melon baller, remove the center of each half, taking out the seeds. You will be amazed at how little you have removed, and how much edible portion you have left. Now you can cut it up for use in a recipe or just for a healthy snack. By Ginny Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem; I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
» Up, Up & Ooops


Today, March 4, in 
1152 Frederik I Barbarossa elected Roman-German king
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA.
1570 King Philip II bans foreign Dutch students
1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to 
  William Penn for an area that later became the 
  state of Pennsylvania.
1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. 
  The French garrison evacuated the city without a fight.
1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was the 
  Granite Railway in Quincy, MA.
1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the 
  "Stars and Bars" flag.
1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone.
1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when 
  the "Daily Graphic" was published in New York City.
1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the Manchurian 
  border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced.
1914 Doctor Fillatre successfully separated Siamese twins.
1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the first 
  successful kidney transplant.
1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin.
1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human cloning.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned 
  on-the-job sexual harassment even when both parties are 
  the same sex.
1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. 
President Clinton went on sale in the U.S.
2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted 
  government-funded scientists to use embryos left over 
  from fertility treatment or abortions. 
2013  smiled


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Text Edit for Mac 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, March 3

Europeans are still reeling from the horse meat "contaminated"
hamburgers, and suspiciously eying any youngster on a 
bicycle, not sure whether they should hope or worry, that
he or she turn into a Lance Armstrong. After all, he DID 
pedal up all those mountains and he DID raise over $100 
million for cancer research and DID look after his parents.

While they are still all confused about that, the next 
food scandal hit them. Some corn from Croatia was contaminated
with some fungus, that COULD cause cancer in mice.
Wasn't that LSD, that the North Americans grooved to in the
60's and 70's, and that the Europeans freaked out on in the 
80's, based on some kind of grain fungus?

Naturally, their media are taking advantage of it all and
are busy agitating the stress puppies.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven. --- Karen Sunde Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is? --- Frank Scully Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. --- Bertrand Russell
The 5 Scariest Things in the Army! 1. A Private saying, "I learned this in basic training..." 2. A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..." 3. A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience..." 4. A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..." 5. And a Warrant Officer chuckling, "Y'all watch this $%!#..."
From Nana Please bring the Spellchecker song again! Nana OK, here it is: Ode to the spellchecker Eye halve a spelling checker It came with my pea sea It plainly marks four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word and weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My checker tolled me sew.
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Stout, 19, Wright City, Missouri Jailed for Stealing Large Number Of Panties, Sex Toys And Used Tampons From Women's Homes Reported by the Weekly Vice Michael Stout, a 19-year-old Wright City bonehead, was jailed after he allegedly stole a large number of panties, sex toys and used tampons from area women. According to Wright City Police, officers were dispatched to a Wright City residence after Stout burglarized the home without realizing that a 16-year-old girl was still inside. Investigators say the girl, who was staying home sick from school, called her mother at 10:15 a.m. and informed her that someone had broken into the house. The mother immediately called police. The girl then fled the home, jumped into a car parked on the side of the house and then began honking the horn. She saw a man, later identified as Stout, fleeing from the home. Arriving officers used canine units to search a wooded area near the victim's home. The canine units led officers to Stout's residence where he lives with his mother. Detectives searched Stout's room and recovered 59 pairs of women's underwear, various sex toys and a number of used tampons. Police believe the stolen items belonged to at least four women who also live in the area. Some of the items in Stout's possession belonged to the 16-year-old victim. Stout was booked into jail and charged with four counts of burglary, four counts of stealing, and one count of property damage. His bond was set at $100,000 cash-only. Tech Support Pits From: Many Re: Text Edit for Mac DEAR WEBBY, thank you very much for all your help. I was able to, following your advice, to download my poems and storied to a flash drive, now i'll take them to my library and print them all, them go to FEDEX OFFICE to make additional copies. I have another QUESTION, am unable to find WORD PAD on our APPLE all in one, do you know where i should look? Again, thanks forr all your help, if we weren't so short all the time i'd be sending some funds your way. Maybe later we'll have extra. your friend ED. From Ric Lee In response to Ed's question about Word Pad for the Mac: Like windows, there is a simple text program. It's called Text Edit. It usually is in the pop up applications bar. Ric Lee ----------------- From Gary Re: your freind Ed and wordpad for Mac.. the mac is a pretty weird set-up until you get used to it, but it does have an incredibly user freindly word program called "Text Edit". When I got my iMac, it took me a while to find all the common thing it had built in and how to access the programs that weren't on my desk top. Mac has a thing called "Launchpad" in the quick satrt toolbar at the bottom of the desktop. The Launchpad icon is a little spaceship. If you click on that you'll see all of the programs that are installed on your machine. You can actually flip through pages of them as you get more stuff in your Mac. Text Edit is one of the factory installed programs and works just like Micro-Slop WordPad, it's just easier and more user freindly. MS Office and Open office will both open the files created on Text Edit. TE saves them as an .rtfd file, which I have had no problems sending to my work computer and opening with Office 2010.. the only thing I have had problems with is when I try to insert a picture into a text document... then word sees the insertion as a reference to a document on my home computer... Hope that helps Ed. Gary ------------------ From Samantha Tell Ed to look for "Text Edit" It is fairly easy to use, as long as you don't go outside of your machine. Nobody else can read it. You have to pick up the wacky .rtfd files with Open Office or Microsoft Office and save them in a more portable format before you send them to anybody. To make the files really and properly portable and readable by anybody, and printable by anybody, save them as PDF. That way all your formatting is nailed down and NO program will mess it up, no matter on what kind of machine. Samantha ------------------------- From Donovan The WordPad equivalent for Mac is called TextEdit. If you click on the magnifying glass in the top, right corner and type TextEdit, it will pop up. You should also be able to find it in the Applications folder. Donovan Hope that helps! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Starting Seeds March is a great time to start your vegetable and flower seeds indoors. You can use any container. Here is how I am doing mine. I took the plastic lids off my storage boxes and filled it with seed starting soil. I moistened the soil and laid the seeds on top of the soil. I am getting a bumper crop. Keep them moist and in the sun. On warm days, they go on the porch. Tomatoes grow quickly. In May, they all go outside. I am a do it myself person and made this method up. It works. By bali from Summerhill, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

The priest was instructing a class of third-graders at All Saints grammar school. He said, "There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan. The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to many people, and wound up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell. But, the other brother studied hard and became a great, rich, knowledgeable politician. Now, children, what is the difference between these two brothers, who started out in the same place, who together embarked upon life's stormy seas?" Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Easy. One of them learned not to get caught."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit´s still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson´s helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes." "You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
» Boxed Turtles


Today, March 3, in 
0078 Origin of Saka Era (India) 
0493 Ostrogoten King Theodorik the Great beats Odoaker
1409 Austrian civil war ends
1746 Bonnie Prince Charlie occupies Castle of Inverness 
1776 US commodore Esek Hopkins occupies Nassau Bahamas 
1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville 
  to New Orleans was opened.
1857 Britain and France declared war on China.
1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano. 
  The treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, 
  Montenegro, and the autonomy of Bulgaria.
1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants.
1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a 
  political document with Thomas Edison's cylinder.
1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly.
1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with tires.
1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists.
1909 Aviators Herring, Curtiss and Bishop announced that airplanes 
  would be made commercially in the U.S.
1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany, Austria 
  and Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation in World War I.
1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key, 
  was adopted as the American national anthem. The song was 
  originally a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry."
1939 In Bombay, Ghandi began a fast to protest the state's 
  autocratic rule.
1945 During World War II, Finland switched sides and declared 
  war on the Axis.
1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law 
  that banned Communist teachers in the U.S.
1956 Morocco gained its independence.
1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War II.
1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to 
  Huggies Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for 
  diapers had "crossed the line between eye-catching and porn."
1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police officers. 
  The scene was captured on amateur video. (California)
1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with the 
  Chiapas rebels.
1995 A U.N. peacekeeping mission in Somalia ended. Several gunmen 
  were killed by U.S. Marines in Mogadishu while overseeing the 
  pull out of peacekeepers.
1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to 
  circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They 
  succeeded on March 20, 1999. 
2013  smiled


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WordPad for Mac 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, March 2

I should have cropped yesterday's picture.
Here it is:  

Click through the pictrue for the bigger size

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. --- Soren Kierkegaard
Thanks to Ed for this: While my wife and I were shopping at a mall, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes involuntarily followed her. Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "Was that worth the trouble you're in now?"
One Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?" "I know!" a little boy exclaimed. "Pantyhose!"
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Raleigh Reynolds, 25, Molalla, Oregon Butt-Dialled into jail Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver Butt-dialing has led to many embarrassing situations, but police say that for one Oregon drug dealer, it could lead to jail. Police in Molalla, a city near Portland, Ore., say they received a phone call about a drug deal after one of the suspects sat on her phone and accidentally dialed 911. Using the phone's GPS signal, officers were led to an alley just a block away from the police station. The two suspects denied having a cell phone, but the officer on scene spoke loudly and the emergency dispatcher confirmed that she could hear him over the phone, a recording of the 911 call shows. The police said they found methamphetamine when searching one of the suspects. "Everybody had a good laugh, things are normally not that easy," said Sgt. Chris Long. Raleigh Reynolds, 25, was arrested on felony drug charges of possession and delivery. Dana Lucht, 25, was in possession of less than one ounce of marijuana and was summoned to appear in court, police said. No mugshot of her is available at this time. Seems she got off with a warning. Tech Support Pits From: Ed Re: WordPad for Mac DEAR WEBBY, thank you very much for all your help. I was able to, following your advice, to download my poems and storied to a flash drive, now i'll take them to my library and print them all, them go to FEDEX OFFICE to make additional copies. I have another QUESTION, am unable to find WORD PAD on our APPLE all in one, do you know where i should look? Again, thanks forr all your help, if we weren't so short all the time i'd be sending some funds your way. Maybe later we'll have extra. your friend ED. Dear Ed WordPad is a Windoze program. You need to look for a Mac word processor. I am sure they have one built in, just like WordPad is built in with Windoze. I have not been on a Mac since the late 80's and am not familiar with their current software. I searched on the net and found Open Office For Mac http://openoffice-mac.en.softonic.com/mac/download That might be a bit more than what you need, but if your machine can handle it, go for it! I have been using Open Office for many years, and I would imagine the Mac version is just as stable and reliable as the Linux and Windows versions are. It has not only a world class Word Processor, but also spreadsheet, PPS viewer/editor, and all kinds of other stuff included. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Your Garbage Disposal In Mint Condition Garbage disposals not only get really stinky if you don't maintain them, the blades will also go dull. Here's is a fast and easy way to eliminate odors and sharpen the blades. Throw two lemon wedges and a cup of ice in the disposal. Turn on the cold water and turn on the disposal. The lemon will help with the bad odors and the ice helps to get those blades sharp! By attosa from Los Angeles, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A couple hired a maid to cook and do housework. She worked out fine, till one day, after about six months, she said she would have to quit. "But why?" asked the disappointed wife. She said: "Well on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I'm pregnant." The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have children, and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay." She talked to her husband; he agreed, and they adopted the baby. All went well, but soon the maid was pregnant again. The wife talked to her husband, and they adopted baby two. Soon it happened again. They made the same offer, and adopted the third baby. She worked for a week or two after that, but then said, "I am definitely leaving this time." "Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the wife. "No," she said, "there are just to many kids here to pick up after."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sparks for this story: Two airmen were driving across country on leave. They come to a Marine Corps base and decide to visit. They approach the gate and the Marine Guard walks up to the driver's window, and taps on it with his nighstick. The driver rolls down the window, and the Marine smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "Why'd you do that? The Marine says, "You're on a United States Marine Corps Base, son. When I come up to your car, you'll have your ID card ready." Driver says, "I'm sorry, We're in the Air Force, and we didn't know." The Marine examines the I.D. card and gives it back to the driver. The Marine walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the Marine smacks him with the nightstick. The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?" The Marine says,"Just making your wishes come true." The passenger says, "Huh?" The Marine says, "I know that as soon as you pull away you're gonna say, 'I wish he would've tried that stuff with me!'"
» Elbow Room


Today, March 2, in 
0871 Battle at Marton: Ethelred van Wessex beats Danish 
  invasion army 
1776 Americans begin shelling British troops in Boston 
1789 Pennsylvania ends prohibition of theatrical performances 
1799 Congress standardizes US weights & measures
1807 Congress bans slave trade effective January 1, 1808 
1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an 
  ad interim government was formed.
1866 Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine 
  needles.
1877 In the U.S., Rutherford B. Hayes was declared the winner 
  of the 1876 presidential election by the U.S. Congress. 
  However, Samuel J. Tilden had won the popular vote on 
  November 7, 1876.
1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation that would 
  have required a literacy test for immigrants entering 
  the country.
1901 The U.S. Congress passed the Platt amendment, which 
  limited Cuban autonomy as a condition for withdrawal of 
  U.S. troops.
1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in 
  New York City. The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first 
  hotel exclusively for women.
1907 In Hamburg, Germany, dock workers went on strike after 
  the end of the night shift. British strike breakers were 
  brought in. The issue was settled on April 22, 1907.
1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional 
  color photography at the Academy of Sciences.
1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II 
  abdicating.
1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship 
1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere
1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam.
1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in 
  Fort Worth, TX. It had completed the first non-stop 
  around-the-world flight.
1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde 
  made its first test flight.
1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations 
  all agreed to ban all production of CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) 
  by the end of the 20th century.
1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev 
  was killed by a gunman in Moscow.
1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated 
  that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source 
  of interior heat.
2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had 
  discovered evidence that water had existed on Mars 
  in the past.
2011 Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's iPad 2. 
2013  smiled


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Nuisance Pop-Ups 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, March 1.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The higher the buildings, the lower the morals. --- Noel Coward The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth. --- Charles Luckman By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. --- Charles Wadsworth There was a time when we expected nothing of our children but obedience, as opposed to the present, when we expect everything of them but obedience. --- Anatole Broyard
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked brusquely, "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "just here to hook up your telephone."
A private is on duty in the motor pool when the phone rings: "Soldier, can you tell me what equipment is available for use immediately?" "Well, sir, we have two tanks, a half dozen half-tracks, two armored personnel carriers, a couple of motorcycles, and fat-ass Johnson's command jeep." "Soldier? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "No sir." "This is Major Johnson, your commander!" "Uh Sir? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "Not yet!" "That's good! This is Beetle Bailey. Bye, Fat-Ass!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version This morning, at 07:25, when I saw that, I ran outside, with nothing on but the camera, to get you that picture. Too nice not to share!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jalissa Baez, 19, reading, Pennsylvania Jailed After Repeatedly Having Sex With 9-Year-Old Boy She Was Hired To Babysit Reported by the Weekly Vice Jalissa Baez, a 19-year-old Pennsylvania woman, was charged Thursday after she allegedly had sex with a 9-year-old boy she had been hired to babysit. According to police, Baez was arrested following a six-month long investigation into allegations that she repeatedly had sex with a 9-year-old boy over a period of several months. Investigators say Baez was hired to watch the boy while his father was at work. The alleged sexual contact took place on several occasions between March and June of last year. Baez was booked into jail and charged with involuntary deviate sexual intercourse with a child, indecent assault, endangering the welfare of children, corruption of minors and indecent exposure. Her bail has been set at $25,000. Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Pop-Ups Hi dear Webby, am I the only one who has been getting an ever increasing number of pop-up ads, many with high pitched sound, that seem to get around the 'no pop-up ads' which I have enabled. Your thoughts always would be much appreciated. Be well, live long, and prosper. Walter Dear Walter I don't have 'no pop-up ads' set up, but have never seen those Pop-Up ads. Maybe FireFox kills them automatically. Which browser are you using? Have you run a good virus scan lately? Also, try running Spybot-Search&Destroy from my Tool Box. Quite possibly those wacky Pop-Ups are in lieu of paying for some program, that you downloaded. Since "agreed to" payment scams can not be removed by regular virus scans, you have to use a different approach. Try to find out who serves those ads. Then I can search for a way to get out of that scam. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com DIY Bleach Gel Pen In a saucepan, add 2 Tbsp. of cornstarch to 1 cup of water. Stir until dissolved. Place mixture on the stove and stir until it comes to a boil. Turn off stove. The mix will become really thick. Let it cool completely. Then add 5-6 Tbsp. of bleach. It will turn into a gel. If it's thicker or thinner, just adjust water and cornstarch until you get the result you are looking for. Pour mix into an empty squeeze bottle for dispensing. So much cheaper and works great. By coville123 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves-the barbers were reaching for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Officer: Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR!
» HollyHocks


Today, March 1, in 
1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique 
  on his way to India.
1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 Huguenots. 
1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the Salem 
  witch trials began. Four women were the first to be charged.
1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first cooking school.
1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman, 
  Lars August Mannerheim.
1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of the 
  Mameluke dynasty.
1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. He 
  had been forced to abdicate in April of 1814.
1845 U.S. President Tyler signed the congressional resolution 
  to annex the Republic of Texas.
1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy.
1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of 
Yellowstone National Park. It was the world's first 
  national park.
1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the 
  manufacturing the first practical typewriter.
1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the 
  forces of Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. 
  The Italians were defeated.
1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews left 
  due to evacuations.
1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages.
1907 In New York, Salvation Army opened anti-suicide bureau
1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump 
  from a moving airplane.
1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank.
1937 U.S. Steel raised workers’ wages to $5 a day.
1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile 
  license plates were issued.
1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station 
  W47NV began operations.
1941 Bulgaria joined Axis powers by signing Tripartite Pact.
1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations.
1947 Chinese Premier T.V. Soong resigned.
1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic secrets 
to the Soviet Union.
1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a 
  hydrogen bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean.
1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile.
1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. 
It was the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the surface of 
  another planet.
1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese technicians 
  to leave the country.
1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic riots 
  between Armenians and Azerbaijanis.
1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council imposed a 
  curfew on minors.
1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a majority of 
  the Moslem and Croatian communities voted in favor of Bosnia's 
  independence.
1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political reforms 
  that ceded some powers after 10 years of disciplined rule.
1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from Yugoslavia.
1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of food stamp 
  recipients had reached a record number of 26.6 million.
1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort to 
  placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre.
1995 The European Parliament rejected legislation that would have 
  allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life forms.
1995 Yahoo! was incorporated.
1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four other 
bombs went off in the capital.
1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by 
  Hutu rebels.
2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22 different 
  organizations around the government became part of the Department 
  of Homeland Security. This completed the largest make-work project
  since the beginning of the Cold War.
2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani agents 
  near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind behind the terrorist 
  attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001.
2013  smiled


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