Anti-Spyware 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, March 8.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are. --- Anais Nin
Listening to a young Yuppie couple argue as they waited for their prescriptions at least helped me pass the time. When their meds were finally ready, they paid and walked away. The druggist stood there and shook his head. I asked, "What's with them ?" He sighed and replied, "They're incompatible. He's on Xanax and she's on Prozac....."
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink! And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

Thanks to Bill for this: Unemployment explained THESE ARE PRETTY SMART FELLAS!!! So how can over 873,000 people come off the unemployment rolls when there were only a little over 114,000 jobs created? Below is a transcript of a conversation between two eminent economists discussing this very question! COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America. ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 7.8%. COSTELLO: That many people are out of work? ABBOTT: No, that's 14.7%. COSTELLO: You just said 7.8%. ABBOTT: 7.8% Unemployed. COSTELLO: Right 7.8% out of work. ABBOTT: No, that's 14.7%. COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 14.7% unemployed. ABBOTT: No, that's 7.8%. COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 7.8% or 14.7%? ABBOTT: 7.8% are unemployed. 14.7% are out of work. COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed. ABBOTT: No, Congress said you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed. COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!! ABBOTT: No, you miss his point. COSTELLO: What point? ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair. COSTELLO: To whom? ABBOTT: The unemployed. COSTELLO: But ALL of them are out of work. ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed. COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment roles that would count as less unemployment? ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely! COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work? ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how they get it to 7.8%. Otherwise it would be 14.7%. Our govt. doesn't want you to read about 14.7% unemployment. COSTELLO: That would be tough on those running for reelection. ABBOTT: Absolutely. COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number? ABBOTT: Two ways is correct. COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job? ABBOTT: Correct. COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job? ABBOTT: Bingo. COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to have people stop looking for work. ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like an Economist. COSTELLO: I don't even know what the hell I just said! ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like Congress.
Thanks to Sailor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Sailor's garden shed
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Regina Sanders, 55, Tulsa, Oklahoma "My Job Is To Harass You Bitches," Explained The Woman Who Dialed 911 Operators 59 Times In One Day Reported by the Smoking Gun An Oklahoma woman charged with placing dozens of obscene and harassing calls to 911 gave a police emergency operator a curious rationale for her actions: “My job is to harass you bitches,” said Regina Sanders. The 44-year-old Sanders, seen above, dialed the Tulsa Emergency Communications Center 59 times over an eight-hour period last year, according to a District Court criminal information. Sanders has been charged with placing “obscene/threatening/harassing” phone calls and interfering with police emergency operators, both misdemeanors. She got her free room and board, pleasantly heated. Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Anti Spyware Dear Webby I love your newsletter and have used many of your computer tips. I have been searching the web for a good anti-spyware program. Of course, there are thousands of them. Is there one that you would highly recommend; and one that's not complicated. Thanks Bonnie Dear Bonnie I recommend the Spybot-Search&Destroy so highly that I have been making space for it in my Tool Box for a dozen years or more. Just click on the big blue Spybot-Search&Destroy button and download it. It's free! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check Amazon For Replacement Charging Cords When you need a charger cord for your Nintendo DS or DSI, always check at amazon.com first before buying another one. I bought one for four dollars and that included shipping. Of course, as soon as I ordered it on the internet, then we found the old charger. LOL. By Robyn Fed from Tri-Cities, TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! Included Bonus books: "Better Breads" and "Awesome Appetizers" 60 Day money back Guarantee!

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Researchers now say that most dogs can be trained to understand more than 200 words. That gives them language skills equal to apes, dolphins, and most politicians.
» Cute & Funny Pix


Today, March 8, in 
1418 Jacoba van Bayern marries her cousin John IV van Brabant
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion.
1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of 
   King William III.
1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge 
  at Niagara Falls, NY.
1862 The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched.
1880 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes declared that the 
  United States would have jurisdiction over any canal 
  built across the isthmus of Panama.
1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett Horton.
1905 In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was 
  spreading to Georgia.
1907 The British House of Commons turned down a women's suffrage bill.
1910 The King of Spain authorized women to attend universities.
1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared 
  that Britain would not support France in the event of a 
  military conflict. They did anyway.
1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and 
  strikes in St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the 
  "February Revolution" due to Russia's use of the Old Style 
  calendar.
1921 French troops occupied Dusseldorf, Germany.
1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first 
  time at Franklin, IN.
1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to extinguish 
  any anti-Nazi protests.
1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon, Burma.
1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in 
  Bougainville. The battle lasted five days.
1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam.
1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction 
  in public schools was unconstitutional.
1953 A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers 
  had quit farming over the last 2 years.
1959 Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance together.
1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They were 
  the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam.
1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number of troops 
in Vietnam.
1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans 
  with poison gas.
1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three days 
  of protest against Chinese rule.
1999 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the conviction of Timothy McVeigh 
  for the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City in 1995.
1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed the 
  firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at the 
  Los Alamos National Laboratory. The firing was a result of 
  alleged security violations.
2005 In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan Maskhadov was 
  killed during a raid by Russian forces.
2013  smiled


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Image Stabilizer 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, March 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes." Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later, he pulled out his head and look in the mirror, and saw the best haircut of his life. "Would wonders never cease! This futuristic stuff is amazing," he thought. Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures $10." "Why not?" he thought. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured. The next machine had a sign that read, "Machine provides a service men need when away from their wives, 50 Cents." "Oh, man.... do I ever need that!" He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw his member which now had a button neatly sewn on the end.
"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you got any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?" "Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel." "Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours." Mrs. Smith explained brightly, "Oh, I wrote them during office hours."
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink! And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

Thanks to Sailor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Sailor's garden shed
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jamie Jeanette Craft Woman charged with DWI after trying to drive off in toy truck Reported by the Huffington Post A Jonesboro woman was arrested on DWI charges after police say she slammed into a mobile home then tried to leave the scene of the accident in a child’s battery-operated truck. Jamie Jeanette Craft, 29, is also charged with public intoxication, refusal to submit, disorderly conduct, leaving the scene of an accident with property damage and driving while license cancelled, suspended or revoked. Just 5:30 p.m. Sunday officers were called to 4303 Aggie Road. According to a witness, Craft was traveling at a “high rate of speed” when her 2001 Pontiac Grand Am rounded a corner and hit the under panel of his trailer. Another witness told police that Craft, who was dressed in a white sweat shirt with no pants or shoes on, began yelling at him. According to the police report, she grabbed the man’s daughter and got into his son’s Power Wheels truck. The man told police he grabbed his children and took them to his parent’s house. When he came back out he said Craft was still in the toy truck “trying to drive it.” After he and his father made her get out of the truck, the man told police she began yelling and walked to her mother’s house. That’s where police found her when they arrived. They say she was also “irate and very intoxicated.” Officer Scott Byrd administered a portable breathalyzer test to Craft. “Because she could barely stand,” he and Officer Cody Coley had to hold her shoulders “so that she would not fall over,” according to Byrd’s report. Byrd reported the PBT gave a reading of .217 blood alcohol content, which is nearly three times the legal limit. During the investigation, Officer Coley reported Craft “started to yell and scream.” She continued to scream after she was placed into custody and began to kick the door of his police car, he reported. Craft “continued to be very disorderly and uncooperative” once she arrived at Craighead County Detention Center, according to the report. She put on a nce smile for the mug-shot, though. Craft was left at the jail in lieu of $2,067 surety bond. Tech Support Pits From: Julie Re: Image stabilizer Dear Webby I have seen some cameras advertised that claim to have an image stabilizer. Does that really work, or is it just hype? If it DOES work, how does it work? I have always been told, even by you, that for long zoom shots there is no substitute for a sturdy tripod. Julie Dear Julie An image stabilizer takes an average of a few microseconds of jittering around and electronically locks that for a second or two. It works great for long distance landscape pictures at high zoom, but is not so good for fast action shots. If you, for example want to take pictures of a fast basketball game, get in closer, use less zoom, and turn the image stabilizer off. Use it for slow moving animals like alligators, turn it off for butterflies and humming birds. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Kool-Aid to Dye Easter Eggs Instead of using expensive Easter egg dye kits use packets of Kool-Aid instead. It's much less expensive and you don't have to end up with all of the doo dads included in each dye kit package that you'll probably not use. All you need to do is mix one packet of Kool-Aid with 3/4 cup warm water in small glass bowls. For colors the following Kool-Aid flavors work the best: red = cherry orange = orange yellow = lemonade plus a little bit of orange green = lime blue = berry blue By Deeli Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! Included Bonus books: "Better Breads" and "Awesome Appetizers" 60 Day money back Guarantee!

A passenger in Rusty's taxi tapped him on the shoulder to ask him a question. Rusty screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the bank, and stopped six inches from a large window. For a moment everything went quiet in the cab, then Rusty said, "Look man, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." Rusty calmed down a little and replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral hearse for the last 25 years."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One day a mother took her 6-year-old son with her to visit a friend at work. Everyone there knew her, and she was offered a cup of coffee. That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, her son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered. Imagine the woman's shock when she heard her son say, "Wow! You know how to make beer?"
» Cute & Funny Pix


Today, March 7, in 
-0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died.
1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce.
1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men 
  massacred more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners.
1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed.
1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved.
1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent for his telephone.
1901 It was announced that blacks had been found enslaved 
  in parts of South Carolina.
1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok.
1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot 
  a black man accused of murder.
1906 Finland granted women the right to vote.
1908 Cincinnati's mayor, Mark Breith announced before 
  the city council that, "Women are not physically fit 
  to operate automobiles."
1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker.

1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. 
  sent 20,000 troops to the border of Mexico.
1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany.
1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia.
1933 The board game Monopoly was invented.
1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph 
  in Florida.
1936 Hitler sent German troops into the Rhineland (German
  s[eaking areas taken by France after WWI) in violation of 
  the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles.
1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea.
1945 During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River 
  at Remagen, Germany.
1951 U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway launched
 Operation Ripper against the Chinese.
1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey 
  competition. Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world 
  ice-hockey title in Stockholm, Sweden.
1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end.
1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos.
1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II 
  massacre in Katyn.
1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke 
  fun at an original work can be considered "fair use" that 
  does not require permission from the copyright holder.
2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than 
  $88 million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a 
  legal battle over the estate of Smith's late husband, 
  J. Howard Marshall II.
2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching for extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida.
2012 The successor to Apple's iPad2 was unveiled. 
2013  smiled


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Sorting in WORD 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, March 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. --- Sacha Guitry (1885 - 1957) Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood. -- H. L. Mencken ..and misquoted and held against him by the media, and anybody who did not do their homework.
From Peter Hi Thought the funnies below may be of interest to you - they may not be new, but they do raise a smile. ======================================================================== Thinking of you, I recently had a lens graft for my right eye, to replace an earlier graft starting to reject. I originally had the lenses in both eyes replaced with grafts in 1996 - as a result almost losing my vision from Fuchs’ endothelial dystrophy. Peter Australia ======================================================================= HOLY ORDERS Church Ladies With typewriters. -------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. -------------------------- The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water. The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus. -------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. -------------------------- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you... -------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. -------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. -------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. -------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. -------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. -------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. -------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. -------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. -------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. -------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. -------------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5pm - prayer and medication to follow. -------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. -------------------------- This evening at 7pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. -------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done. -------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door. -------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. -------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. -------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".
Thanks to Ellie for this: My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free news- papers for his customers. As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost of the papers." "Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties clothes more than newsprint."
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink! And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mary Maloney, 53, Teacher, Offers Oral Sex To Police Officer After Hit-And-Run Charge Reported by the Huffington Post Middle school math teacher Mary Maloney allegedly offered oral sex to a police officer after being nabbed for a hit-and-run in Palm Beach County, Fla. Maloney, 53, was arrested Sunday after she crashed her van into a pickup truck around 8:35 p.m., then took off, according to an arrest report obtained by the Sun Sentinel. A witness to the crash tracked Maloney's van to a parking spot and then called police. The arresting officer said he found an empty gallon jug of wine behind Maloney's driver's seat and "immediately smelled the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person," according to WPTV. The report states that her eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and partially closed. The officer that drove Maloney to the police station noted that she asked him "How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don't you understand I am a school teacher?" She then allegedly offered to perform oral sex on him and allow him to play with her breasts. Maloney was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of a crash with damage, resisting an officer without violence, driving with a suspended license and attempted bribery of a public servant. A spokesman for the Palm Beach County school district told WPBF that the teacher could potentially be suspended or terminated, depending on how her case turns out. Maloney was convicted of a DUI in 2009, and was arrested on a battery charge, then later on a charge of probation violation, in 2010. Tech Support Pits From: Eloise Re: Sorting in WORD Dear Webby Once upon a time, long, long ago, you told us how to quickly sort a list in WORD. Unfortunately, at the time I did not need that and did not pay attention. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Eloise Dear Eloise Highlight what you want to sort, hit ALT F9 (or click on TOOLS, SORT, then choose if you want to sort the lines or paragraphs. If you are sorting email addresses that are one address per line, select LINE. If you are sorting physical addresses that are 4 or 5 lines per contact, make sure you have a paragraph break (empty line) between each address block. If your sort task spans many pages, it's usually best to temporarily copy the data to be sorted to a new file, sort it there, and then copy it back into the original document. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mama's Belly Butter To avoid stretch marks while pregnant, make 4 ounces of Mama's belly butter. Ingredients: 1/2 cup cocoa butter 2 Tbsp. wheat germ oil 2 tsp. sesame seed oil 2 tsp. apricot kernel oil 2 tsp. vitamin E oil 4 tsp. grated beeswax 2 tsp. vanilla extract Directions: Put all ingredients in saucepan, except vanilla. Warm over low heat until cocoa butter and beeswax are melted. Stir well. Remove from heat stir and in vanilla. Cool briefly. Pour into glass jar. Leave lid off until completely cool. Source: A magazine but I cannot remember which one. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! Included Bonus books: "Better Breads" and "Awesome Appetizers" 60 Day money back Guarantee!

It was a difficult subject to bring before his aged mother, but John felt that he must: "Mom, you're no longer a spring chicken and you do need to think ahead of what'll happen in the future. Why don't we make arrangements about when...you know...when...you pass on?" The mother didn't say anything, just sat there staring ahead. "I mean, Mom, like...how do you want to finally go? Do you want to be buried? Cremated?" There was yet another long pause. Then the mother looked up and said, "Son, why don't you surprise me?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked, soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravishes me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered,put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually. "Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?" His funeral will be held next Thursday
» Spiritual Spires


Today, March 6, in 
1521 Magellan discovered Guam.
1834 The city of York in Upper Canada was 
  incorporated as Toronto.
1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Anna and 
  his army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men 
  defeated the 189 Texas volunteers.
1854 At the Washington Monument, several men stole the Pope's
  Stone from the lapidarium.
1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix Hoffman 
  and Hermann Dreser.
1928 A Communist attack on Peking, China resulted in 
  3,000 dead and 50,000 fled to Swatow.
1939 In Spain, Jose Miaja took over the Madrid government 
  after a military coup and vowed to seek "peace with honor."
1944 During World War II, U.S. heavy bombers began the first
  American raid on Berlin. Allied planes dropped 2000 tons 
  of bombs.
1946 Ho Chi Minh, the President of Vietnam, struck an agreemen
  with France that recognized his country as an autonomous 
  state within the Indochinese Federation and the French Union.
1947 The first air-conditioned naval ship, "The Newport News," 
  was launched from Newport News, VA.
1957 The British African colonies of the Gold Coast and 
  Togoland became the independent state of Ghana.
1960 Switzerland granted women the right to vote in municipal
  elections.
1960 The United States announced that it would send 3,500 
  troops to Vietnam.
1970 Charles Manson released his album "Lies" to finance 
  his defense against murder charges.
1973 U.S. President Richard Nixon imposed price controls 
  on oil and gas.
1975 Iran and Iraq announced that they had settled their 
  border dispute.
1980 Islamic militants in Tehran said that they would 
  turn over American hostages to the Revolutionary Council.
1981 U.S. President Reagan announced a plan to cut 37,000 
  federal jobs.
1987 The British ferry Herald of Free Enterprise capsized 
  in the Channel off the coast of Belgium. 189 people died.
1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned the
  ownership of private property.
1991 In Paris, five men were jailed for plotting to smuggle 
  Libyan arms to the Irish Republican Army.
1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official
  royal Web site.
1998 A Connecticut state lottery accountant gunned down three supervisors and the lottery chief before killing himself. 
2013  smiled


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Wireless Connectivity 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, March 5

From Tim Trask, long time friend and famous sculptor:

Hello Everyone
 We are in the first phase of raising money for the 
Buffalo Soldier Memorial! Please go to the following website 
on Indiegogo For Duty and Country 
Donate if you can, at least like, and share this with others. 
Help us to get this project off the ground.
                                                                                             Tim Trask

By the way, the 8 foot tall Wyatt Earp bronze statue in 
Tombstone, Arizona, is typical of Tim's work. Here he is
still working on the form:


Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. --- George Burns
The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long- term capital gain?"
Fifty-one years ago Herman James, a Tennessee Mountain Man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in Basic, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nathan Wells and Joshua Granger, Evangeline Parish, Louisiana Jailed After Sexually Abusing Dog, Posting Video Of The Act Online Reported by the Weekly Vice Evangeline Parish residents Nathan Wells and Joshua Granger have been jailed after they engaged in sexual acts with a Siberian Husky, recorded the encounters and then shared the abusive video over the Internet. According to the Evangeline Parish Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched after the Humane Society of Louisiana received a tip about the abuse. The information was then forwarded to the Louisiana State Police Sex Crimes Unit. When detectives interviewed Wells and Granger at their residence, the two men admitted to videotaping the acts and sharing it online. The victim, a Siberian Husky named "Nyla," received no serious internal injuries and will soon be available for adoption, according to HSL director Jeff Dorson. Wells and Granger were booked into the Evangeline Parish Jail and charged with crimes against nature. Both men were released after posting a 7,500 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Wireless Connectivity Dear Webby I am used to using the wireless modem in my laptop to connect to hotels where I am staying, and am fairly comfortable with the procedure. However, now and then it happens that I connect to the hotel's router, and see good signal strength, but can't get anywhere. What do you recommend in those cases? Brenda Dear Brenda Get your money back and go to a better hotel. They gambled on a 4 station router being enough, and you were #5. They rarely admit that and that type of hotel usually tries to blame it on your computer. It is NOT your computer's fault, and not your settings. Do not let them talk you into changing your settings, and don't let them waste your time, while they hope that somebody will log off. Just demand your money back and go to a better hotel. Without messing with your settings, you can usually get better connectivity from the parking lot of a Holiday Inn, than from the lobby of for example a Baymont Inn. When enough people smarten up and demand their money back, they will eventually get more routers and stop trying to blame you. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Store Gift Cards For Big Purchases If you shop at Target or any other stores that have the promotional "get a gift card with purchase of this item", save your gift cards (someplace you won't forget or lose them, like I tend to do) until the amount builds enough for you to buy a big item - preferably around the holidays. A friend of mine shops at the Target sales frequently. Quite often they have a sale where you get a $5 gift card for buying an item. Two years ago she started saving her gift cards in January. By December, she had enough saved to get her family an xBox 360 for less than $30 out of pocket! They never would have been able to afford one any other way! I thought this was a great idea, so I've been saving my own gift cards, instead of using them on my next purchase! By lyonpridej from Oklahoma Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

re yesterday's dummer... What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? Homeless
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied, "That's true, but, of course, the answers are completely different now."
» Up, Up & Ooops


Today, March 5, in 
1461 Henry VI was deposed by Duke of York during War of the Roses 
1496 English King Henry VII hires John Cabot to explore
1528 Utrecht Governor Maarten van Rossum plunders The Hague
1558 Smoking tobacco introduced in Europe by Francisco Fernandes 
1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was 
  enacted in Virginia.
1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class was 
  exempted from whipping by legislation.
1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops 
  fired on a crowd in Boston killing five people. Two British 
  troops were later convicted of manslaughter.
1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege.
1836 Samuel Colt manufactured the first pistol (.34-caliber).
1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez 
invaded Texas for the first time since the revolution. They 
  briefly occupied San Antonio, but soon headed back to the 
  Rio Grande.
1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels to 
  the western U.S.
1867 An abortive Fenian uprising against English rule took 
  place in Ireland.
1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake.
1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt 
  revolutionary disturbances.
1901 Germany and Britain began negotiations with hopes of 
  creating an alliance.
1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 40,000 
  demonstrators were dispersed by troops.
1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs to 
  show support for striking transit workers.
1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for military 
  purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights behind Turkish 
  lines west of Tripoli.
1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd to Moscow.
1922 Phoebe Anne Oakley Mozee broke all existing records for 
  women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100 targets.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day bank 
  holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from being 
  withdrawn from banks.
1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German 
  parliamentary elections.
1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was celebrated.
1946 Winston Churchill delivered his "Iron Curtain Speech".
1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in power 
  for 29 years.
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation 
  in public schools.
1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect 
  after 43 nations ratified it.
1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right 
  to display the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas display.
1993 Cuban President Fidel Castro said that Hillary Clinton 
  is "a beautiful woman."
1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough water 
  on the moon to support a human colony and rocket fueling station.
2004 Martha Stewart was found guilty of lying about the reason 
  for selling 3,298 shares of ImClone Systems stock, conspiracy, 
  making false statement and obstruction of justice.
2013  smiled


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Sort Favorites in IE 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, March 4

Thank you, Allene!

March is not the beginning of spring in Alberta,
and Gullible Warming only applies in areas, where people
want to give Al Gore some money to administer.
A vicious blizzard reminded us of that fact. 

Horizontal snowing, high snow drifts in some places
and bare grass showing in others. The windows on one side 
are caked with snow, and on the other side of the house
I see a four foot high snow drift between the house and 
the garage, and grass showing ten feet away from that.

I am not going to shovel that 4 foot deep snow drift.
Not yet, anyway. The wind would just replenish it in 
ten minutes. Chances are good, that the wind will change,
and move that snow drift to the other side of the garage.

The RCMP closed the highways and told everybody to stay
at home, indoors, and not even think about driving anywhere.
For a change people seem to listen to them. There are no
tracks in the snow on 2nd Street and none on 4th Avenue 
either. No traffic at all since Saturday evening. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

To find yourself jilted is a blow to your pride. Do your best to forget it and if you don't succeed, at least pretend to. --- Moliere (1622 - 1673) Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life. --- Robert Byrne
Thanks to Gina for this story: When my youngest daughter was three, she begged to be allowed to attend a concert with her older sister and brother. She assured me she was a big girl and would behave herself. As we took our seats in the orchestra hall, I handed programs to the kids. Following the lead of her older siblings, my three-year-old opened her program, and in her most grown-up voice said, "Mommy, I'll have the chicken-balls, please."
A little boy runs up to his mother and shouts, "Mommy! Mommy! I want to be a drummer when I grow up!" The mother sweetly replies, "You can't do BOTH."
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Hannah Steiner, 18, Jackson, Tennessee Jailed for Raping 13-Year-Old Boy Inside Church Reported by the Weekly Vice Hannah Steiner, an 18-year-old Tennessee female was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly raped a 13-year-old boy at a local church - just moments before Sunday services began. According to Jackson Police, Steiner and the victim were attending Skyline Church of Christ Sunday morning when the alleged sexual encounter took place. Investigators say the encounter started off with consensual touching. When the boy felt things had gone far enough, he attempted to stop. That's when Steiner allegedly forced him to have sex. During police interviews, Steiner and the victim both confirmed the incident. Steiner was booked into the Madison County Jail and charged with rape and two counts of statutory rape. Her bail has been set at $5,000. Tech Support Pits From: Thomas Re: Sort Favorites in IE Dear Webby I have a PC.Is there a way to arrange the favorite list in alphabetical order? Thanks --Thomas Dear Thomas Yes, there IS an easy way, though Microsoft won't tell you. They tell you to mess with the registry. I found that if you right-click on the topmost grey menu bar and take the checkmark off the STANDARD BUTTONS, then instead of the favorites showing in a long list on the left side, they pull down from the word FAVORITES. Right click anywhere in there, and you will see the option to sort. After sorting, you can put the checkmark back onto STANDARD BUTTONS, and the favorites will remain nicely sorted for a while. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get More Out of Your Apples If you want to maximize the amount of fruit you can get out of an apple, consider cutting it up before eating it. First, cut the apple from top to bottom, from the stem end to the blossom end. Using a small paring knife, cut a tiny "v" shaped notch at the top and bottom of the cut halves, removing the blossom end and stem. Then, using either your small paring knife in a circular motion, or a small melon baller, remove the center of each half, taking out the seeds. You will be amazed at how little you have removed, and how much edible portion you have left. Now you can cut it up for use in a recipe or just for a healthy snack. By Ginny Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem; I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
» Up, Up & Ooops


Today, March 4, in 
1152 Frederik I Barbarossa elected Roman-German king
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA.
1570 King Philip II bans foreign Dutch students
1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to 
  William Penn for an area that later became the 
  state of Pennsylvania.
1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. 
  The French garrison evacuated the city without a fight.
1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was the 
  Granite Railway in Quincy, MA.
1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the 
  "Stars and Bars" flag.
1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone.
1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when 
  the "Daily Graphic" was published in New York City.
1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the Manchurian 
  border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced.
1914 Doctor Fillatre successfully separated Siamese twins.
1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the first 
  successful kidney transplant.
1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin.
1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human cloning.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned 
  on-the-job sexual harassment even when both parties are 
  the same sex.
1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. 
President Clinton went on sale in the U.S.
2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted 
  government-funded scientists to use embryos left over 
  from fertility treatment or abortions. 
2013  smiled


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Text Edit for Mac 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, March 3

Europeans are still reeling from the horse meat "contaminated"
hamburgers, and suspiciously eying any youngster on a 
bicycle, not sure whether they should hope or worry, that
he or she turn into a Lance Armstrong. After all, he DID 
pedal up all those mountains and he DID raise over $100 
million for cancer research and DID look after his parents.

While they are still all confused about that, the next 
food scandal hit them. Some corn from Croatia was contaminated
with some fungus, that COULD cause cancer in mice.
Wasn't that LSD, that the North Americans grooved to in the
60's and 70's, and that the Europeans freaked out on in the 
80's, based on some kind of grain fungus?

Naturally, their media are taking advantage of it all and
are busy agitating the stress puppies.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven. --- Karen Sunde Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is? --- Frank Scully Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. --- Bertrand Russell
The 5 Scariest Things in the Army! 1. A Private saying, "I learned this in basic training..." 2. A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..." 3. A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience..." 4. A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..." 5. And a Warrant Officer chuckling, "Y'all watch this $%!#..."
From Nana Please bring the Spellchecker song again! Nana OK, here it is: Ode to the spellchecker Eye halve a spelling checker It came with my pea sea It plainly marks four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word and weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My checker tolled me sew.
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Stout, 19, Wright City, Missouri Jailed for Stealing Large Number Of Panties, Sex Toys And Used Tampons From Women's Homes Reported by the Weekly Vice Michael Stout, a 19-year-old Wright City bonehead, was jailed after he allegedly stole a large number of panties, sex toys and used tampons from area women. According to Wright City Police, officers were dispatched to a Wright City residence after Stout burglarized the home without realizing that a 16-year-old girl was still inside. Investigators say the girl, who was staying home sick from school, called her mother at 10:15 a.m. and informed her that someone had broken into the house. The mother immediately called police. The girl then fled the home, jumped into a car parked on the side of the house and then began honking the horn. She saw a man, later identified as Stout, fleeing from the home. Arriving officers used canine units to search a wooded area near the victim's home. The canine units led officers to Stout's residence where he lives with his mother. Detectives searched Stout's room and recovered 59 pairs of women's underwear, various sex toys and a number of used tampons. Police believe the stolen items belonged to at least four women who also live in the area. Some of the items in Stout's possession belonged to the 16-year-old victim. Stout was booked into jail and charged with four counts of burglary, four counts of stealing, and one count of property damage. His bond was set at $100,000 cash-only. Tech Support Pits From: Many Re: Text Edit for Mac DEAR WEBBY, thank you very much for all your help. I was able to, following your advice, to download my poems and storied to a flash drive, now i'll take them to my library and print them all, them go to FEDEX OFFICE to make additional copies. I have another QUESTION, am unable to find WORD PAD on our APPLE all in one, do you know where i should look? Again, thanks forr all your help, if we weren't so short all the time i'd be sending some funds your way. Maybe later we'll have extra. your friend ED. From Ric Lee In response to Ed's question about Word Pad for the Mac: Like windows, there is a simple text program. It's called Text Edit. It usually is in the pop up applications bar. Ric Lee ----------------- From Gary Re: your freind Ed and wordpad for Mac.. the mac is a pretty weird set-up until you get used to it, but it does have an incredibly user freindly word program called "Text Edit". When I got my iMac, it took me a while to find all the common thing it had built in and how to access the programs that weren't on my desk top. Mac has a thing called "Launchpad" in the quick satrt toolbar at the bottom of the desktop. The Launchpad icon is a little spaceship. If you click on that you'll see all of the programs that are installed on your machine. You can actually flip through pages of them as you get more stuff in your Mac. Text Edit is one of the factory installed programs and works just like Micro-Slop WordPad, it's just easier and more user freindly. MS Office and Open office will both open the files created on Text Edit. TE saves them as an .rtfd file, which I have had no problems sending to my work computer and opening with Office 2010.. the only thing I have had problems with is when I try to insert a picture into a text document... then word sees the insertion as a reference to a document on my home computer... Hope that helps Ed. Gary ------------------ From Samantha Tell Ed to look for "Text Edit" It is fairly easy to use, as long as you don't go outside of your machine. Nobody else can read it. You have to pick up the wacky .rtfd files with Open Office or Microsoft Office and save them in a more portable format before you send them to anybody. To make the files really and properly portable and readable by anybody, and printable by anybody, save them as PDF. That way all your formatting is nailed down and NO program will mess it up, no matter on what kind of machine. Samantha ------------------------- From Donovan The WordPad equivalent for Mac is called TextEdit. If you click on the magnifying glass in the top, right corner and type TextEdit, it will pop up. You should also be able to find it in the Applications folder. Donovan Hope that helps! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Starting Seeds March is a great time to start your vegetable and flower seeds indoors. You can use any container. Here is how I am doing mine. I took the plastic lids off my storage boxes and filled it with seed starting soil. I moistened the soil and laid the seeds on top of the soil. I am getting a bumper crop. Keep them moist and in the sun. On warm days, they go on the porch. Tomatoes grow quickly. In May, they all go outside. I am a do it myself person and made this method up. It works. By bali from Summerhill, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

The priest was instructing a class of third-graders at All Saints grammar school. He said, "There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan. The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to many people, and wound up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell. But, the other brother studied hard and became a great, rich, knowledgeable politician. Now, children, what is the difference between these two brothers, who started out in the same place, who together embarked upon life's stormy seas?" Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Easy. One of them learned not to get caught."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit´s still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson´s helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes." "You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
» Boxed Turtles


Today, March 3, in 
0078 Origin of Saka Era (India) 
0493 Ostrogoten King Theodorik the Great beats Odoaker
1409 Austrian civil war ends
1746 Bonnie Prince Charlie occupies Castle of Inverness 
1776 US commodore Esek Hopkins occupies Nassau Bahamas 
1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville 
  to New Orleans was opened.
1857 Britain and France declared war on China.
1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano. 
  The treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, 
  Montenegro, and the autonomy of Bulgaria.
1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants.
1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a 
  political document with Thomas Edison's cylinder.
1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly.
1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with tires.
1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists.
1909 Aviators Herring, Curtiss and Bishop announced that airplanes 
  would be made commercially in the U.S.
1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany, Austria 
  and Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation in World War I.
1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key, 
  was adopted as the American national anthem. The song was 
  originally a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry."
1939 In Bombay, Ghandi began a fast to protest the state's 
  autocratic rule.
1945 During World War II, Finland switched sides and declared 
  war on the Axis.
1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law 
  that banned Communist teachers in the U.S.
1956 Morocco gained its independence.
1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War II.
1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to 
  Huggies Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for 
  diapers had "crossed the line between eye-catching and porn."
1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police officers. 
  The scene was captured on amateur video. (California)
1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with the 
  Chiapas rebels.
1995 A U.N. peacekeeping mission in Somalia ended. Several gunmen 
  were killed by U.S. Marines in Mogadishu while overseeing the 
  pull out of peacekeepers.
1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to 
  circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They 
  succeeded on March 20, 1999. 
2013  smiled


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WordPad for Mac 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, March 2

I should have cropped yesterday's picture.
Here it is:  

Click through the pictrue for the bigger size

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. --- Soren Kierkegaard
Thanks to Ed for this: While my wife and I were shopping at a mall, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes involuntarily followed her. Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "Was that worth the trouble you're in now?"
One Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children's sermon, he reached into his bag of props and pulled out an egg. He pointed at the egg and asked the children, "What's in here?" "I know!" a little boy exclaimed. "Pantyhose!"
Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe This Is The Best Beer You Will Ever Drink And Very Potent Too. You Can Buy Everything To Make A Lot Of It In You Local Store Real Cheap Get the Secret Homemade Kentucky Beer Recipe!

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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Raleigh Reynolds, 25, Molalla, Oregon Butt-Dialled into jail Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver Butt-dialing has led to many embarrassing situations, but police say that for one Oregon drug dealer, it could lead to jail. Police in Molalla, a city near Portland, Ore., say they received a phone call about a drug deal after one of the suspects sat on her phone and accidentally dialed 911. Using the phone's GPS signal, officers were led to an alley just a block away from the police station. The two suspects denied having a cell phone, but the officer on scene spoke loudly and the emergency dispatcher confirmed that she could hear him over the phone, a recording of the 911 call shows. The police said they found methamphetamine when searching one of the suspects. "Everybody had a good laugh, things are normally not that easy," said Sgt. Chris Long. Raleigh Reynolds, 25, was arrested on felony drug charges of possession and delivery. Dana Lucht, 25, was in possession of less than one ounce of marijuana and was summoned to appear in court, police said. No mugshot of her is available at this time. Seems she got off with a warning. Tech Support Pits From: Ed Re: WordPad for Mac DEAR WEBBY, thank you very much for all your help. I was able to, following your advice, to download my poems and storied to a flash drive, now i'll take them to my library and print them all, them go to FEDEX OFFICE to make additional copies. I have another QUESTION, am unable to find WORD PAD on our APPLE all in one, do you know where i should look? Again, thanks forr all your help, if we weren't so short all the time i'd be sending some funds your way. Maybe later we'll have extra. your friend ED. Dear Ed WordPad is a Windoze program. You need to look for a Mac word processor. I am sure they have one built in, just like WordPad is built in with Windoze. I have not been on a Mac since the late 80's and am not familiar with their current software. I searched on the net and found Open Office For Mac http://openoffice-mac.en.softonic.com/mac/download That might be a bit more than what you need, but if your machine can handle it, go for it! I have been using Open Office for many years, and I would imagine the Mac version is just as stable and reliable as the Linux and Windows versions are. It has not only a world class Word Processor, but also spreadsheet, PPS viewer/editor, and all kinds of other stuff included. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Your Garbage Disposal In Mint Condition Garbage disposals not only get really stinky if you don't maintain them, the blades will also go dull. Here's is a fast and easy way to eliminate odors and sharpen the blades. Throw two lemon wedges and a cup of ice in the disposal. Turn on the cold water and turn on the disposal. The lemon will help with the bad odors and the ice helps to get those blades sharp! By attosa from Los Angeles, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A couple hired a maid to cook and do housework. She worked out fine, till one day, after about six months, she said she would have to quit. "But why?" asked the disappointed wife. She said: "Well on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I'm pregnant." The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have children, and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay." She talked to her husband; he agreed, and they adopted the baby. All went well, but soon the maid was pregnant again. The wife talked to her husband, and they adopted baby two. Soon it happened again. They made the same offer, and adopted the third baby. She worked for a week or two after that, but then said, "I am definitely leaving this time." "Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the wife. "No," she said, "there are just to many kids here to pick up after."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sparks for this story: Two airmen were driving across country on leave. They come to a Marine Corps base and decide to visit. They approach the gate and the Marine Guard walks up to the driver's window, and taps on it with his nighstick. The driver rolls down the window, and the Marine smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "Why'd you do that? The Marine says, "You're on a United States Marine Corps Base, son. When I come up to your car, you'll have your ID card ready." Driver says, "I'm sorry, We're in the Air Force, and we didn't know." The Marine examines the I.D. card and gives it back to the driver. The Marine walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the Marine smacks him with the nightstick. The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?" The Marine says,"Just making your wishes come true." The passenger says, "Huh?" The Marine says, "I know that as soon as you pull away you're gonna say, 'I wish he would've tried that stuff with me!'"
» Elbow Room


Today, March 2, in 
0871 Battle at Marton: Ethelred van Wessex beats Danish 
  invasion army 
1776 Americans begin shelling British troops in Boston 
1789 Pennsylvania ends prohibition of theatrical performances 
1799 Congress standardizes US weights & measures
1807 Congress bans slave trade effective January 1, 1808 
1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an 
  ad interim government was formed.
1866 Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine 
  needles.
1877 In the U.S., Rutherford B. Hayes was declared the winner 
  of the 1876 presidential election by the U.S. Congress. 
  However, Samuel J. Tilden had won the popular vote on 
  November 7, 1876.
1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation that would 
  have required a literacy test for immigrants entering 
  the country.
1901 The U.S. Congress passed the Platt amendment, which 
  limited Cuban autonomy as a condition for withdrawal of 
  U.S. troops.
1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in 
  New York City. The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first 
  hotel exclusively for women.
1907 In Hamburg, Germany, dock workers went on strike after 
  the end of the night shift. British strike breakers were 
  brought in. The issue was settled on April 22, 1907.
1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional 
  color photography at the Academy of Sciences.
1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II 
  abdicating.
1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship 
1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere
1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam.
1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in 
  Fort Worth, TX. It had completed the first non-stop 
  around-the-world flight.
1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde 
  made its first test flight.
1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations 
  all agreed to ban all production of CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) 
  by the end of the 20th century.
1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev 
  was killed by a gunman in Moscow.
1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated 
  that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source 
  of interior heat.
2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had 
  discovered evidence that water had existed on Mars 
  in the past.
2011 Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's iPad 2. 
2013  smiled


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Nuisance Pop-Ups 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, March 1.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The higher the buildings, the lower the morals. --- Noel Coward The trouble with America is that there are far too many wide-open spaces surrounded by teeth. --- Charles Luckman By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong. --- Charles Wadsworth There was a time when we expected nothing of our children but obedience, as opposed to the present, when we expect everything of them but obedience. --- Anatole Broyard
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked brusquely, "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "just here to hook up your telephone."
A private is on duty in the motor pool when the phone rings: "Soldier, can you tell me what equipment is available for use immediately?" "Well, sir, we have two tanks, a half dozen half-tracks, two armored personnel carriers, a couple of motorcycles, and fat-ass Johnson's command jeep." "Soldier? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "No sir." "This is Major Johnson, your commander!" "Uh Sir? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "Not yet!" "That's good! This is Beetle Bailey. Bye, Fat-Ass!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version This morning, at 07:25, when I saw that, I ran outside, with nothing on but the camera, to get you that picture. Too nice not to share!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jalissa Baez, 19, reading, Pennsylvania Jailed After Repeatedly Having Sex With 9-Year-Old Boy She Was Hired To Babysit Reported by the Weekly Vice Jalissa Baez, a 19-year-old Pennsylvania woman, was charged Thursday after she allegedly had sex with a 9-year-old boy she had been hired to babysit. According to police, Baez was arrested following a six-month long investigation into allegations that she repeatedly had sex with a 9-year-old boy over a period of several months. Investigators say Baez was hired to watch the boy while his father was at work. The alleged sexual contact took place on several occasions between March and June of last year. Baez was booked into jail and charged with involuntary deviate sexual intercourse with a child, indecent assault, endangering the welfare of children, corruption of minors and indecent exposure. Her bail has been set at $25,000. Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Pop-Ups Hi dear Webby, am I the only one who has been getting an ever increasing number of pop-up ads, many with high pitched sound, that seem to get around the 'no pop-up ads' which I have enabled. Your thoughts always would be much appreciated. Be well, live long, and prosper. Walter Dear Walter I don't have 'no pop-up ads' set up, but have never seen those Pop-Up ads. Maybe FireFox kills them automatically. Which browser are you using? Have you run a good virus scan lately? Also, try running Spybot-Search&Destroy from my Tool Box. Quite possibly those wacky Pop-Ups are in lieu of paying for some program, that you downloaded. Since "agreed to" payment scams can not be removed by regular virus scans, you have to use a different approach. Try to find out who serves those ads. Then I can search for a way to get out of that scam. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com DIY Bleach Gel Pen In a saucepan, add 2 Tbsp. of cornstarch to 1 cup of water. Stir until dissolved. Place mixture on the stove and stir until it comes to a boil. Turn off stove. The mix will become really thick. Let it cool completely. Then add 5-6 Tbsp. of bleach. It will turn into a gel. If it's thicker or thinner, just adjust water and cornstarch until you get the result you are looking for. Pour mix into an empty squeeze bottle for dispensing. So much cheaper and works great. By coville123 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves-the barbers were reaching for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Officer: Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR!
» HollyHocks


Today, March 1, in 
1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique 
  on his way to India.
1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 Huguenots. 
1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the Salem 
  witch trials began. Four women were the first to be charged.
1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first cooking school.
1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman, 
  Lars August Mannerheim.
1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of the 
  Mameluke dynasty.
1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. He 
  had been forced to abdicate in April of 1814.
1845 U.S. President Tyler signed the congressional resolution 
  to annex the Republic of Texas.
1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy.
1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of 
Yellowstone National Park. It was the world's first 
  national park.
1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the 
  manufacturing the first practical typewriter.
1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the 
  forces of Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. 
  The Italians were defeated.
1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews left 
  due to evacuations.
1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages.
1907 In New York, Salvation Army opened anti-suicide bureau
1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump 
  from a moving airplane.
1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank.
1937 U.S. Steel raised workers’ wages to $5 a day.
1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile 
  license plates were issued.
1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station 
  W47NV began operations.
1941 Bulgaria joined Axis powers by signing Tripartite Pact.
1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations.
1947 Chinese Premier T.V. Soong resigned.
1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic secrets 
to the Soviet Union.
1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a 
  hydrogen bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean.
1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile.
1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. 
It was the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the surface of 
  another planet.
1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese technicians 
  to leave the country.
1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic riots 
  between Armenians and Azerbaijanis.
1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council imposed a 
  curfew on minors.
1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a majority of 
  the Moslem and Croatian communities voted in favor of Bosnia's 
  independence.
1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political reforms 
  that ceded some powers after 10 years of disciplined rule.
1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from Yugoslavia.
1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of food stamp 
  recipients had reached a record number of 26.6 million.
1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort to 
  placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre.
1995 The European Parliament rejected legislation that would have 
  allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life forms.
1995 Yahoo! was incorporated.
1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four other 
bombs went off in the capital.
1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by 
  Hutu rebels.
2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22 different 
  organizations around the government became part of the Department 
  of Homeland Security. This completed the largest make-work project
  since the beginning of the Cold War.
2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani agents 
  near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind behind the terrorist 
  attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001.
2013  smiled


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Small Calendar 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, February 28

Thank you Roswitha!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. --- Plato
Thanks to dteeple for nringing back this classic: Ever since i was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him: 'I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.' 'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears..' 'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said.. Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked. 'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!' 'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?' 'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!'
Thabnks to Kim for this story: The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tish Coleman, 31, Chicago, Ill Jailed After Stabbing Cousin's Cat To Death Following Family Spat Tish Coleman, a 31-year-old Chicago female, was jailed Friday after she allegedly stabbed her cousin's cat to death. According to police, Coleman and her 26-year-old cousin were arguing Friday night when Coleman allegedly punched her cousin in the face and tore her shirt. The cousin wrestled Coleman out onto the apartment's patio and slammed the door shut, however, Coleman continued to antagonize her cousin by creating a disturbance outside the residence, according to an arrest affidavit. A short time later, another woman entered the apartment through the patio area - which allowed the victim's cat to run outside. When the victim went outside to look for her cat, she discovered the animal laying on a nearby stairwell with multiple stab wounds. After police were called, officers located Coleman about a block away from her cousin's apartment. During a search, officers recovered a bloody Swiss pocket knife from Coleman's purse. Coleman was booked into jail and charged with aggravated cruelty to an animal and domestic battery. Her bond has been set at $75,000. Tech Support Pits From: Kay Re: Small Calendar Dear Webby, Good morning, hope all is well with you. I was just checking your tool page looking for a very small calendar to put on my desk top. I didn't see one and was wondering if there is a site you would recommend download one? Thank you for all of your help. Kay Dear Kay On the Tools page look for Rainlendar It is some ways down, because I had that link for probably a dozen or more years. If you use FireFox hit CTRL F and type Rain and it will find and highlight it. When you run it the first time, close all other windows. It IS quite small, and EXTREMELY polite. In the d efault configuration, when not in use, or moused over, it fades into the background, and you won't see it. There are tons of options in it, that you can set to your preferences. Just don't reduce the "Transparency" to less than 50%, otherwise you won't be able to see it on some backgrounds. Leave the "MouseOver" at 100% and don't reduce "Transparency" too much. That way it will fade to almost invisible when not in use, but come alive when moused over. And set it to be "On Top" Like that example, you can personalize it any which way, and even have a number of "skins" to choose from. I use the default skin, which is basically like glass. You see the writing on top of totally transparent glass, and it will float on top of whatever window is open in that area. You can drag it around, of course, but it is just a calendar floating on top. Windoze 7 tried to copy that trick, but just managed to annoy people. Rainlendar has a ToDo and an Events part. Birthdays and Anniversaries go into the Events part. If some part of Rainlendar annoys you, go into the options and change it. You CAN. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Water Cups out of Soda Bottles I have been taking the soda bottles, the little ones, and removing the cap, squeezing them down, and cutting across the top. Then I smooth out the top by cutting it again. This provides me with a lot of plastic drinking cups that are stronger than paper cups and they are larger, and they won't break. We have been enjoying them a great deal! By Robyn Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded with a proprietor, "or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant -- an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright- eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students. The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind ?"
» Wild & Wacky:


Today, Feb 28, in 
1844 - Several people were killed aboard the USS Princeton 
  when a 12-inch gun exploded.
1849 - Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn 
  arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California 
  had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 
  4 months and 21 days.
1854 - The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 
  50 slavery opponents began the new political group.
1861 - The U.S. territory of Colorado was organized.
1885 - AT&T (American Telephone and Telegraph) was incorporated. 
  The company was capitalized on only $100,000 and provided 
  long distance service for American Bell.
1893 - Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum.
1900 - In South Africa, British troops relieved Ladysmith, 
  which had been under siege since November 2, 1899.
1940 - The first televised basketball game was shown. The 
  game featured Fordham University and the University of 
  Pittsburgh from Madison Square Gardens in New York.
1953 - In a Cambridge University laboratory, scientists 
  James D. Watson and Francis H.C. Crick discovered the 
  double-helix structure of DNA.
1956 - A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory core.
1974 - The U.S. and Egypt re-established diplomatic relations 
  after a break of seven years.
1983 - "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program 
  in history when the final episode aired.
1986 - Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated 
1993 - U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed 
  religious cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest 
  the leader of the Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on federal 
  firearms charges. Four agents and six Davidians were killed 
  and a 51-day standoff followed.
1994 - NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16 
  fighters shot down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation 
  of a no-fly zone over central Bosnia.
1995 - The Denver International Airport opened after a 
  16-month delay.
1998 - Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out "terrorist 
  gangs" in the Yugoslav province of Kosovo.
2002 - In Ahmadabad, India, Hindus set fire to homes in a Muslim 
  neighborhood. At least 55 people were killed in the attack.
2013  smiled


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Wandering cursor 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, February 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier. --- Blore's Razor A man who thinks he has a higher purpose can do terrible things, even to those he professes to love. --- Denise Mina If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. --- Dorothy Parker
An American tourist had visited all the usual sights. He'd seen the Sydney Harbor and everything else but he wanted to see the real Australia. So there he was on the weekly rail motor out to Thargomindah. There wasn't much to see. There was a drought on it was hot and the wind was blowing dust everywhere. He got off the train and made for the pub, sweating and cursing as he swatted in vain at the clouds of files that buzzed around him. The pub's only customer, a bloke in a blue singlet, greeted him with a "G'day." The American ordered a beer. "Yank eh?" quizzed the Aussie. "Sure am buddy" the Yank replied. "Waddya think of this part of Australia, yank?" the bloke asked. "It's the @#$% a....hole of the world," the Yank replied. There was a five second pause as the local sucked on his smoke. Then he asked: "You just passing through, or going further up?"
Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor calmly replied, " BS ! Just wait until the autopsy, then you'll see that I was right."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jim Skursky, 36, Jailed For Stealing Video Game Consoles From Hospital While Visiting Severely Injured Son Jim Skursky, a 36-year-old Pennsylvania man, was jailed Thursday after he allegedly broke into a cabinet and stole several video game consoles while visiting his 5-year-old son in the hospital. According to police, Skursky's 5-year-old son was playing with a lighter at Skursky's girlfriend's residence when he accidentally caught his shirt on fire and was seriously burned during the incident. The boy was rushed to UPMC Mercy Hospital where he was treated for serious burns to his chest, back, arms and neck. The boy reportedly underwent surgery on Friday to repair some of the damage with skin graphs. Investigators say Skursky was visiting his son in the hospital on Thursday when he reportedly broke into a metal cabinet and stole Wii, Playstation and Xbox game consoles. Skursky also allegedly stole several game controllers, placing most of the items into a black garbage bag. Hospital staff contacted police after they saw a game controller in Skursky's pocket and learned that the hospital's game consoles were missing from the cabinet. Skursky was booked into the Allegheny County Jail and charged with theft and criminal mischief. Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: Facebook Link Hi Dear Webby, with your seeming inexhaustible cyber world knowledge can you explain and hopefully tell me how to correct letters from jumping around when I type in Gmail in Windows 7? Be well, live long, and prosper. Walter ------------- Yes, Dear Webby, I am using a Dell Laptop with the built in keyboard. Be well, live long, and prosper. Walter Dear Walter How did i guess? Get yourself a decent mouse, preferably a 7 button mouse: left, right copy,paste left scroll, right scroll Enter or whatever mouse you got lying around. Then cut a piece of cardboard or plastic to fit over that silly thumb pad below the keyboard. The jumping cursor is because of your thumbs grazing over that silly thumb pad, driving you nuts until you either cut some cardboard to cover that, or else cut off your thumbs. By the way, you can also plug in a real keyboard. I always do, and make a stand for the laptop, so that it's screen is up as high as that of regular monitors. No point turning into a hunched over little old man before I have to. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leave Notes On Bathroom Mirror With a busy schedule, leaving notes and messages becomes a 'way of life'. I got tired of the kids 'not seeing' the notes I left, so I came up with a way I knew they couldn't miss. I use dry erase markers on their bathroom mirrors. Everyone gets the messages now, and no making excuses that they didn't see it! Wipes off so easy and no more 'missed' messages or excuses. I even write myself notes sometimes. I've done this for years, now, and it works for us. By Patty from East Peoria, Illinois Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

Her husband had passed on and the new widow was so distraught that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her husband was just fine. She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion with her. "Is there anything he needs ?" the distraught woman asked, between tears. The spiritualist went into a trance state, then replied, "He says he'd love a package of cigarettes." "I'll send a carton immediately." the woman said joyfully. "But did he say where I should send them ?" "No." replied the Seer somberly. "But he didn't ask for matches."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A teacher in Los Angeles asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC." After the teacher asked the pupil what 'DC' stood for, the student added, "Dot com!"
» Glide Show (Aerial Images)


Today, Feb 27, in 
1700 The Pacific Island of New Britain was discovered.
1801 The city of Washington, DC, was placed under 
  congressional jurisdiction.
1827 New Orleans held its first Mardi Gras celebration.
1861 In Warsaw, Russian troops fired on a crowd protesting 
  Russian rule over Poland. Five protesting marchers were 
  killed in the incident.
1867 Dr. William G. Bonwill invented the dental mallet.
1883 Oscar Hammerstein patented the first cigar-rolling 
  machine.
1896 The "Charlotte Observer" published a picture of an X-ray
 photograph made by Dr. H.L. Smith. The photograph showed a 
 perfect picture of all the bones of a hand and a bullet that 
 Smith had placed between the third and fourth fingers in the 
 palm.

1900 In South Africa, the British received an unconditional
 surrender from Boer Gen. Piet Cronje at Paardeberg.
1933 The Reichstag, Germany's parliament building in Berlin, 
  was set afire. The Nazis accused Communist for the fire.
1939 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed sit-down strikes.
1951 The 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified,
  limiting U.S. Presidents to two terms.
1973 The American Indian Movement occupied Wouned Knee in 
  South Dakota.
1981 Chrysler Corporation was granted an additional $400 million 
  in federal loan guarantees. Chrysler had posted a loss of 
  $1.7 billion in 1980.
1990 The Exxon Corporation and Exxon Shipping were indicted on
 five criminal counts in reference to the 1989 Exxon Valdez 
 oil spill.
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush announced live on television 
that "Kuwait is liberated."
1997 In Ireland, divorce became legal.
1998 Britain's House of Lords agreed to give a monarch's 
  first-born daughter the same claim to the throne as any 
  first-born son. This was the end to 1,000 years of male
  preference.
1999 Colin Prescot and Andy Elson set a new hot air balloon 
  endurance record when they had been aloft for 233 hours and 
  55 minutes. The two were in the process of trying to 
  circumnavigate the Earth.
1999 Nigeria returned to civilian rule when Gen. Olusegun 
  Obasanjo became the country's first elected president since 
  August of 1983.
2002 In Boston, twenty people working at Logan International 
  Airport were charged with lying to get their jobs or 
  security badges.
2013  smiled


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FaceBook Link 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, February 26

Thank you Jim!

Re yesterday's picture:

In case you are interested, that waterfall picture 
was taken in Croatia.
Bill Vlasak



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When you don't know what to do, get still. Get very still until you do know what to do. --- Oprah Winfrey Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. --- Mae West Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. --- Oscar Wilde
Mom had been teaching her 3-year-old daughter to recite the Lord's Prayer. The youngster dutifully repeated it after her mother at bed time for several nights. One night, the girl insisted she was ready to pray "solo," so her mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated every word. The mother was a bit exasperated and knew they needed to work on it some more as her daughter ended the prayer: "And lead us not into temptation," the youngster prayed, "but deliver us some email. Amen."
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo said, "Probably about a hundred feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rasoul Speight, 32, New Jersey Jailed for carrying 100 bags of heroin in his anus. Rasoul Speight, a Bloods gang member, is facing a narcotics charge after New Jersey cops yesterday discovered a whopping 100 bags of heroin hidden in his anus, police report. Speight, 32, was driving on the Palisades Interstate Parkway when his 2005 Mitsubishi Lancer was pulled over during a routine traffic stop. When cops detected the smell of marijuana they asked for--and received--permission to search the car. While investigators found “nothing of evidentiary value” inside the vehicle, Speight and passenger Gary Sylak, 25, were both arrested due to outstanding traffic warrants, according to cops. While Speight, seen above, was being processed at police headquarters, he “was found to be in possession of 100 bags of heroin which were concealed in his anus and undetectable at the scene.” Police estimated the heroin’s vale at $1000 in New York City, and $2000 in upstate New York, “where both subjects were traveling to.” Speight, who cops noted is “also listed as a Bloods gang member,” was jailed in lieu of $38,500 bail on a pair of felony drug counts. Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: Facebook Link Hello Webby: I think you have published this before, but could you tell me how to insert the Facebook icon in a page on my website? And, does Facebook charge to have their icon on a website?? Thanks!!! Bob Dear Bob Facebook does not charge for that, they even encourage you to do that. Go to your FaceBook page, your equivalent of https://www.facebook.com/DearWebby and copy that URL. Then find a suitable FaceBook button, like for example the one Ophelia made for her site at http://dingbatter.com and copy that button picture. She won't mind. You can, of course, also make your own button, or resize hers to suit your page. Then simply put that button on your page, and link it to the URL of your facebook page, that you copied earluer. That is all there is to it. There is some silly convoluted way that FaceBook used to recommend, but that is not necessary at all. A simple link button works just fine. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Cookie Dough in a Juice Can To save time, when making cookie dough, make at least one extra batch. Divide the extra batch, and put into clean frozen juice cans, covering the open end with foil, and freeze. When you want to bake cookies, take out one of the cans, open the other end and push out the dough through the can. Slice with a sharp knife, place rounds on cookie sheet, and bake. Fresh home made cookies in a jiffy! By Jen Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his father asked, "what did you learn today?" He answered, "The Rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt." "How?" The boy said "Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharoah up. Then while he was down, he got all the people together and ran towards the sea. When he got there, he has the Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge. Once they got on the other side, they blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying to cross." The father was shocked. "Is that what the Rabbi taught you?" The boy replied, "No. But you would never believe the BS he DID tell us!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When the fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. "Do you take children?' the man asked. "No, sir" replied the clerk. "only cash and credit cards."
» Veggies


Today, Feb 26, in 
1815 - Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. 
  He then began his second conquest of France.
1848 The second French Republic was proclaimed.
1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the National Currency Act.
1870 In New York City, the first pneumatic-powered subway 
  line was opened to the public.
1907 The U.S. Congress raised their own pay to $7500.
1916 Mutual signed Charlie Chaplin to a film contract.
1919 In Arizona, the Grand Canyon was established as 
  a National Park with an act of the U.S. Congress.
1929 U.S. President Coolidge signed a bill creating 
  the Grand Teton National Park.
1930 New York City installed traffic lights.
1945 In the U.S., a nationwide midnight curfew went 
  into effect.
1952 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announced 
  that Britain had developed an atomic bomb.
1986 Corazon Aquino was inaugurated president of the 
  Philippines. Long time President Ferdinand Marcos 
  went into exile.
1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced on Baghdad 
  Radio that Iraqi troops were being withdrawn from Kuwait.
1993 Six people were killed and more than a thousand 
  injured when a van exploded in the parking garage 
  beneath the World Trade Center in New York City. 
  The bomb had been built by Islamic extremists.
1998 A Texas jury rejected an $11 million lawsuit by Texas 
  cattlemen who blamed Oprah Winfrey for price drop after 
  on-air comment about mad-cow disease.
1998 In Oregon, a health panel rules that taxpayers must 
  help to pay for doctor-assisted suicides.
2009 Former Serbian president Milan Milutinovic was 
  acquitted by the International Criminal Tribunal for 
  the former Yugoslavia regarding war crimes during the 
  Kosovo War.
2013  smiled


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How to reduce printing size of online items  



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, February 25

Yesterday's picture is from Kay, taken at her cottage 
a few years ago. If I had known, I would have cheerfully 
added her copyright at the bottom.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"I taught sex education in the South Bronx, and as a sixth grade teacher I was told to answer all their sex questions. One kid asked, 'Is there any part of the woman's body known as the Volvo?' Which I thought was a good question. I said, 'Only on Swedish women.'" ---Dennis Wolfberg "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." --- Jack Lemmon
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car; both ladies could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was again red, and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention at the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. At this point she turned to her friend and said, "Mildred! Do you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could get killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Holy Moly! Am I driving?"
An woman went to traffic violation court for speeding, lost the argument as it always happens, and paid the fine. So the police clerk issued her a receipt for her payment of the fine. The lady annoyed at her defeat in the court asked him curtly, "What am I supposed to do with this?" "Keep it," the clerk advised politely. "When you get three of them, you can buy yourself a bicycle, Ma'am."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jose Angel Perales Jr., 24, of 609 Adams St., Muscatine Tattooed Naked Burglar Reported by Sailor A man accused of breaking into a Davenport lingerie store should have kept his clothes on and his tattoos covered as Davenport police said they had little trouble identifying him. Jose Angel Perales Jr., 24, of 609 Adams St., Muscatine, is charged with third-degree burglary and third-degree theft in connection with the burglary of Dr. John’s Lingerie Boutique, 4158 N. Brady St., the morning of Feb. 17. Perales was arrested Friday. He was released from the Scott County Jail after posting bond. According to the arrest affidavit filed by Davenport police, investigators viewing surveillance video saw a man enter the southeast door of the business about 4:10 a.m. The affidavit states the door was left unlocked. According to the affidavit, the man walked around the store and shopped before going into the manager’s office. When the man walked out of the office, he was naked, and the surveillance video showed a tattoo on the man’s back that read “Perales” in old English lettering. In checking Iowa’s mug shot system, police said they identified the man in the video as Jose Perales. Perales spent about two hours in the store trying on various items, according to the affidavit. He then left the store wearing a dress and a blond wig b elonging to the business. He also was carrying a Dr. John’s merchandise bag containing various items belonging to the business, according to the affidavit. Investigators seized merchandise from the store during a search of Perales’ residence, according to the affidavit. Third-degree burglary is a Class D felony under Iowa law that carries a prison sentence of up to five years. Third-degree theft is an aggravated misdemeanor that carries a prison sentence of up to two years. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Printing online stuff is too big Dear Webby Greetings from Ohio, Still lovin' you newsletter and tech support. Now I am in need again. Recently when I try to print something from "on line" the size of the printing is about 3 time what it should be. This happens no matter what printer I use. Just tried to print a bank statement and huge print. My wordperfect and works does fine as does my paint shop pro. Any thoughts? Thanks in advance, jh Dear Dear Jim When you want to print something, the in Firefox hit ALT F (File) U (Page Setup) for page setup. In there put a checkmark onto Shrink to fit page width or select a percentage. I usually have mine set at 70%. That seems to work fine. Those settings will stay in effect until you change them again. Other browsers are similar. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Eyeglass Case To Store Small Items We always have a lot of empty eyeglass cases around. I use them to carry my scissors, toe nail clippers, tweezers, etc. in my purse. I carry lipstick and other small items when traveling; like buttons, thread and needle just in case. I also carry pens in them as well. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "can my luck be any worse?!? What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know...why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replied, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
» Classy cars


Today, Feb 25, in 
1502 Austrian emperor Maximilian I reformats government machine 
1570 England's Queen Elizabeth I was excommunicated by 
  Pope Pius V.
1751 Edward Willet displayed the first trained monkey act 
  in the U.S.
1836 Samuel Colt received a patent for a "revolving gun".
1901 The United States Steel Corp. was incorporated by 
  J.P. Morgan.
1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. 
  It authorized a graduated (Marxist) income tax, that taxes 
  hard workers more than lazy ones.
1919 The state of NE became the first state to place a tax 
  on gasoline. The tax was 1 cent per gallon.
1930 The bank check photographing device was patented.
1933 The first aircraft carrier, Ranger, was launched.
1948 Communists seized power in Czechoslovakia.
1956 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev criticized the late 
  Josef Stalin in a speech before a Communist Party congress
1972 Germany gave a $5 million ransom to Arab terrorist who 
  had hijacked a jumbo jet.
1986 Filippino President Ferdinand E. Marcos fled the 
  Philippines after 20 years of rule after a tainted election.
2000 In Albany, NY, a jury acquitted four New York City police 
  officers of second-degree murder and lesser charges in the 
  February 1999 shooting death of Amadou Diallo.
2005 Dennis Rader was arrested for the BTK serial killings in 
  Wichita, KS. He later pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 
  10 life prison terms.
2013  smiled


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How to deal with spam and mail after an absence? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, February 24

Thank you Bill M.!
Thank you Helen K.!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do." --- John Wooden Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others. --- Jules Renard “Some things you just can’t question. Like you can’t question why two plus two is four. So don’t question it, don’t try to look it up. I don’t know who made it, all I know is it was put in my head that two plus two is four. So certain things happen. Why does it rain? Why am I so sexy? I don’t know.” --­ Shaquille O’Neal
Thanks to Dave for this story: My wife chewed me out at the company picnic a while back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times???" "Not a bit," I replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate for you!"
A guy walked into a post office one day to see a middle aged balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then took out a perfume bottle and started spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he went up to the balding guy and asked him what he was doing. The man said, "I'm sending out 1,000 lovey-dovey cards signed, 'Guess Who?'" "But why?" asked the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer." the man replied.
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Aalaya Walker, 18, St. Petersburg, Florida Woman shot by oven while trying to cook waffles An 18-year-old Florida woman was only slightly injured this week when she was shot by her friend's oven, police said. Aalaya Walker was visiting a friend in St. Petersburg Monday when they decided they wanted some late-night waffles, The Tampa Bay Times reported. So Walker began preheating the oven — unaware that her friend, JJ Sandy, 25, was storing a magazine from his .45-caliber Glock 21 in the oven. The magazine exploded about 9 p.m. ET, spraying casing fragments at high speed and striking Walker. She managed to pick some of the fragments out of her leg and chest and then took a bus to the hospital, where she was treated and released. Sandy told police he'd stored the gun in a drawer but had stored the magazine in the oven. Four rounds were in the 13-capacity magazine, he said. Sandy wasn't charged because he had a proper concealed weapons permit, The Tampa Tribune reported. Aalaya will hopefully check the oven in the future not just for ammo, but also for fireworks, cats, and toys. Tech Support Pits From: Edith Re: Mail after an absence Dear Webby How do you deal with mail, that accumulates while you can't see after the injections? Considering that you have never changed your email address, there must be thousands of emails after a few days not cleaning them. How do you cope with all the spam, that must be lurking and waiting for you? Edith Dear Edith? What spam? I use MailWasher. When I come back, I hit F6 and it sends all the stuff that it figures I won't read anyway, straight to hell, right on the server. Once it has done that, it opens Eudora, the email program. CTRL M gets the Mail, just the hundred or so emails, that I will actually answer. All the rest has gone to hell. Sure, I have made some filters in MailWasher to make it even more precise, but that is easy, and not limited like in Gmail. You can make awfully convoluted filters using AND, BUT NOT IF, etc., all the regular expressions, and then top if off with an additional rule telling it that your Friends list takes precedence. You can also make a filter that dumps anything, that has for example Arabic or Korean characters in the text, if you won't be able to read that anyway. MailWasher also tells me if a mail has an attachment. Any crap pretending to be from UPS or a bank or the Government, but has an attachment is obviously phony. That also never makes it to my computer. The way email is these days, if you plan to keep the same email address for a few years, you need to have a competent anti-spam program. I use and recommend MailWasher. I have used it since it was a free experimental program over a dozen years ago, with a grub-stake donation encouraged, but not required. I have never regretted sending Nick that donation. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Set a Timer to Put Out Candles I enjoy seeing my candles lit. It gives a warm cosy feeling on a cold winter's day. But how many times have we heard about candles left unattended causing fires. My tip for today is to "put on the stove timer when you light the candle, for the length of time you want them lit". This will remind you to blow them out. If this tip will prevent one fire, then its worth the effort. By Sheila If your oven timer is not loud enough or near enough, put the candle into a glass jar and fill it with water up to the level that you want to budget for that night. When the candle burns down to that level, the water will extinguish it automatically and safely. If you put the candle out manually, NEVER blow it out! Aside from the nuisance of hot wax splattering all over the place, you are destroying an hour's use of the wick, when a hot wick is blown. You can buy fancy wick dippers or easily make one from a straightened out paper clip. Just bend a tiny "U" or "V" into one end. Then you can use that to DIP the wick into the puddle of molten wax around it, to extinguish it. That covers it with an airtight hermetic seal, so that the hot wick can not oxydize and turn it's tip into useless ash, - and get shorter each time. Just briefly dip the wick into the molten wax, and then straighten it out, ready for next time. That two second procedure will gain you an hour extra burning time, and no wax splatters on your fancy table linen. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy. "Nothing easier," Twain said. "No man can serve two masters."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair. "As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils." The waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Velly beautiful," he said politely. "Ivoly fwom almost extinct mountain eliphant!"
» Classy cars


Today, Feb 24, in 
0303 1st official Roman edict for persecution of Christians issued 
1510 Pope Julius II excommunicates the republic of Venice
1803 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled itself to be the final interpreter of all constitutional issues.
1821 Mexico gains independence from Spain 
1835 "Siwinowe Kesibwi" (The Shawnee Sun) was issued as the first Indian language monthly publication in the U.S.
1839 Mr. William S. Otis received a patent for the steam shovel.
1863 Arizona was organized as a territory.
1868 The first parade to use floats occurred in New Orleans 
  at Mardi Gras.
1900 New York City Mayor Van Wyck signed the contract to 
  begin work on New York's first rapid transit tunnel. 
  The tunnel would link Manhattan and Brooklyn. The ground 
  breaking ceremony was on March 24, 1900.
1903 In Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, an area was leased to the U.S. 
  for a naval base.
1917 Russian revolution breaks out 
1925 A thermit was used for the first time. It was used to 
  break up a 250,000-ton ice jam that had clogged the 
  St. Lawrence River near Waddington, NY.
1938 The first nylon bristle toothbrush was made. It was 
  the first time that nylon yarn had been used commercially.
1942 The U.S. Government stopped shipments of all 12-gauge 
  shotguns for sporting use for the wartime effort.
1942 The Voice of America (VOA) aired for the first time.
1945 During World War II, the Philippine capital of Manilla, 
  was liberated by U.S. soldiers.
1946 Juan Peron was elected president of Argentina.
1956 The city of Cleveland invoked a 1931 law that barred 
  people under the age of 18 from dancing in public without 
  an adult guardian.
1980 NBC premiered the TV movie "Harper Valley P.T.A."
1981 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Britain's 
  Prince Charles to Lady Diana Spencer.
1987 An exploding supernova was discovered in the Large 
  Magellanic Cloud galaxy.
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned a $200,000 award to 
  Rev. Jerry Falwell that had been won against "Hustler" 
  magazine. The ruling expanded legal protections for 
  parody and satire.
1989 Iran’s Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini sentenced Salman 
  Rushdie to death for his novel "The Satanic Verses". 
  A bounty of one to three-million-dollars was also put 
  on Rushidie's head.
1989 A United Airlines 747 jet rips open in flight killing 
  9 people. The flight was from Honolulu to New Zealand.
1997 The U.S. The Food and Drug Administration named 
  six brands of birth control as safe and effective 
  "morning-after" pills for preventing pregnancy.
1999 In southeast China, a domestic airliner crashed 
  killing all 64 passengers.
2008 Cuba's parliament named Raul Castro president. 
  His brother Fidel had ruled for nearly 50 years.
2013  smiled


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Permanent ads 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, February 23

Back in the saddle again!
This time there was no pain, just irritation and blurred
vision after the shots, and the next ones are not until 
April 3.

Dad told me that the European media are all hysterical about
horse meat in their hamburgers, even Canadian horse meat.
The funny thing is, those gullible Euros all think that 
both horses in Canada are doped up like Lance Armstrong,
and that their kids might turn into athletes.

The simple souls don't realize that Canada has Millions 
of horses, and none of them are doped up. The cowboys 
definitely don't spend money on dope for company horses,
and the rest of the horses are owned by families, who 
consider it fashionalbe to have few horses, and who
have them boarded somewhere, so that they can go for a
leisurely trail ride a few times a year. A full gallop
would scare the pants off most of them, and they complain
all year long about the vet bills for the necessary shots
and vitamins. They most definitely are not interested in
any costly dope.

The funny thing is, cattle in Europe is now recorded from
birth to supermarket, just like cattle in North America,
but many farmers there dope their cattle fiercely, so that 
they put on more weight quicker. They call them "Turbo-Cows",

I remember how they walked the cattle to "Alps", grazing 
areas in the mountains, up above the tree line. And in fall,
walked them down into the valley again. With the "Turbo Cows"
they can't do that any more. Partly because they are too 
heavy to walk that far, partly because their owners are 
worried the cows might lose some weight from that long walk. 
So they built or improved the roads up there and are now 
hauling the Turbo Cows up and down with cattle trucks, or 
leave them in stalls in the valley.

Meat from doped up Turbo Cows is quite acceptable in Europe, 
but meat from healthy free range horses in Canada freaks 
them out. Horses are like Holy Cows to them.

On the other hand, they eat Bambies. Young deer.
They breed deer in captivity and somehow got the knack of
getting them to have half a dozen bambies. They feed them
up with corn and dope and lettuce for a year, and then
sell the meat for big money. 

But the thought of meat from Canadian free range horses 
freaks them out. Must be the dope from the Turbo Cows!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Idealism is what precedes experience; cynicism is what follows. --- David T. Wolf Television has raised writing to a new low. --- Samuel Goldwyn Mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move. --- Benjamin Franklin
A nun was sitting at a window in her convent one day when she was handed a letter from home. Upon opening it a $50 bill dropped out. She was most pleased at receiving the gift from her home folks, but as she read the letter her attention was distracted by the actions of a shabbily dressed stranger who was leaning against a post in front of the convent. She couldn't get him off her mind and thinking that he might be in financial difficulties. She took the $50 bill and wrapped it in a piece of paper, on which she had written, "Don't despair, Sister Eulalia." She threw it out of the window to him. He picked it up, read it, looked at her with a puzzled expression, tipped his hat and went off down the street. The next day she was in her room saying her prayers when she was told that a man was at her door who insisted on seeing her. She went down and found the shabbily dressed stranger waiting for her. Without saying a word he handed her a roll of bills. When she asked what the bills were for he replied, "That's the four-hundred bucks you have coming. Don't Despair paid 7-1."
Good old classic! A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ronald Howard, 30, Mnatee County, Florida Jailed for bad manners and assault Ronald Howard was sitting on the couch “scratching his balls” yesterday when his girlfriend told him to cease the scratching “because it was rude and disgusting and she was about to eat dinner,” police report. Howard, 30, reportedly rose from the couch in the Florida home he shares with Shalamar Petrarca and confronted her. Howard, seen in the above mug shot, allegedly got in the 25-year-old Petrarca’s face and yelled at her to “stop judging him.” Petrarca told Manatee County Sheriff’s Office deputies that Howard then pushed her to the ground--causing a scraped ankle--and then “threw her outside and told her to get the hell out.” In an interview with investigators, Howard claimed that Petrarca punched him in the eye for “scratching his balls.” He added that he pushed her out of their residence “in self defense,” adding that he did not call cops because he “didn’t want it to go that far.” While Howard did not have any visible injuries, Petrarca, seen at left, had “a scratch on her leg that was consistent with her version of events.” Howard was arrested for misdemeanor battery and booked into the Manatee County jail. Bail has not been set. If he gets bail, it will most likely include an order to stay away from Petrarca and their shared residence. Howard is scheduled for a March 21 court appearance. Interesting how Petrarca achieves a "concerned" appearance by painting fake eyebrows tilted 45 degrees up from where her shaved off eyebrows would have been. One way to look "concerned" without furrowing that immaculate brow. Mr Howard has to actually raise his eyebrows to achieve that well practised "exasperated and hard done by" look. Tech Support Pits From: Mia Re: Permanent ads Dear Webby I hope your eyes have recovered from the injections! I would freak out if someone was going to poke needles into my eyeballs! They would have to knock me out and better not wake me up for a few days! That was quite interesting about the ads. What about ads in the side margin, that you have kept for years, like "Find A Human", which I use quite often, or the Translator, or the NASA gallery, Sky Watch, the Hunger Site and the Mammogram girls, just to mention a few. Somehow I doubt that any of those ever pay you even a penny. What's the story with those? Mia Dear Mia You are right. Those ads don't pay me at all. Those are "Public Service", just a favor from me. Just "paying it forward", or "banking good Karma", whatever you might call it. I know you proabbly COULD find those links on your own in a few hours of searching, but a lot of people find them handy to have them all in one place. Since enough subscribers DO like them there, I will keep the right side side-menu. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Safety Pin to Eliminate Static Cling The natural way to fix static cling is to pin a small safety pin to the seam of the slip you are wearing. It acts like a grounding device. It eliminates the static cling in your dress. If you wear slacks, then place the safety pin in the seam of your slacks, to keep static off of your panty hose when wearing them under slacks. I just found this out from the internet. By Robyn Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times so far!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There once was a Preacher that went to heaven. (In jokes that CAN happen!) When he got to the pearly gates, there was a man in front of him. The man was a mess (dirty t-shirt, holes in his jeans, long hair, and wearing flip flops). The man told St Peter his name and told him he was a New York taxi driver. St Peter looked up his name and gave him a silk robe and a silver staff with built in juke box and police scanner. The Preacher then walked up to St Peter gave his name. He told him he was a Preacher of such & such church. St Peter looked up his name and gave him a short, hospital style cotton robe with rear draft and a plain wooden stick. The Preacher complained and said " Hey, the guy before me was a taxi driver and you gave him a silk robe and a silver staff. I'm a preacher of the word of God and all I got was this flimsy cotton robe and a dumb wooden stick." St Peter said to the Preacher, "When you preached people slept, When he drove people prayed."
» Dogs of War


Today, Feb 23, in 
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots.
1660 Charles XI became the king of Sweden.
1792 The Humane Society of Massachusetts was incorporated.
1813 The first U.S. raw cotton-to-cloth mill was founded in 
  Waltham, MA.
1836 In San Antonio, TX, the siege of the Alamo began.
1847 Santa Anna was defeated at the Battle of Buena Vista 
  in Mexico by U.S. troops under Gen. Zachary.
1861 U.S. President-elect Abraham Lincoln arrived secretly in
  Washington to take his office after an assassination 
  attempt in Baltimore.
1861 Texas became the 7th state to secede from the Union.
1870 The state of Mississippi was readmitted to the Union.
1875 J. Palisa discovered asteroid #143 (aka Adria).
1886 Charles M. Hall completed his invention of aluminum.
1887 The French/Italian Riviera was hit by an earthquake 
  that killed about 2,000.
1896 The Tootsie Roll was introduced by Leo Hirshfield.
1904 The U.S. acquired control of the Panama Canal Zone 
  for $10 million.
1915 Nevada began enforcing convenient divorce law.
1919 The Fascist Party was formed in Italy by Benito Mussolini.
1927 The Federal Radio Commission began assigning frequencies,
  hours of operation and power allocations for radio broadcasters.
  On July 1, 1934 the name was changed to the Federal 
  Communications Commission (FCC).
1932 Robert Short became the first American to die in an arial 
  battle with the Japanese. (more info)
1940 Russian troops conquered Lasi Island.
1940 Walt Disney's animated movie "Pinocchio" was released.
1954 The first mass vaccination of children against polio 
  began in Pittsburgh, PA.
1980 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared that Iran's new 
  parliament would have to decide the fate of the hostages 
  taken on November 4, 1979, at the U.S. embassy in Tehran.
1991 During the Persian Gulf War, ground forces crossed the 
  border of Saudi Arabia into the country of Iraq. Less 
  than four days later the war was over due to the surrender 
  or withdraw of Iraqi forces.
1993 Gary Coleman won a $1,280,000 lawsuit against his parents.
1998 In central Florida, tornadoes killed 42 people and damaged and/or destroyed about 2,600 homes and businesses.
1999 White supremacist John William King was found guilty of 
  kidnapping and murdering James Byrd Jr. Byrd was dragged 
  behind a truck for two miles on a country road in Texas.
2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200 feet over an oncoming train.
2005 The New York, NY, city medical examiner's office annouced 
  that it had exhausted all efforts to identify the remains 
  of the people killed at the World Trade Center on 
  September 11, 2001, due to the limits of DNA technology. 
  About 1,600 people had been identified leaving more than 
  1,100 unidentified.
2013  smiled


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Income from ads 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, February 19.

Today I have to go for more injections into my 
eyeballs. That means there won't be any newsletters on
Thursday and Friday, and possibly not on Saturday either.
Sunday should be OK again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. --- Albert Einstein Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. --- Frank Lloyd Wright
A little old Jewish lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, "If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat." The girl gets up and gives up her seat to the old lady. Because it is hot on the bus, the girl takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. The old lady looks up and says, "If you knew what I have, you would fan me, too." The girl begins to fan her. Fifteen minutes later the little old lady stands up and says to the bus driver, "Stop, I want to get off here." The bus driver tells her he has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, "If you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here." The bus driver immediately pulls over in the middle of the block and opens the door to let her out. As she's stepping off the bus he asks her, "Lady, tell me, what is it you have?" The little old lady looks at him and nonchalantly replies, "Chutzpah."
A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is watching you!" The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dummy named you Moses?" "The same dummy who called his Rottweiler Jesus."
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Aydrea Meaders, 24, Albany, NY Jailed After Performing Strip Tease At Daughter's Elementary School Aydrea Meaders, a 24-year-old Albany female was jailed Friday after she allegedly began stripping at her daughter's elementary school assembly. According to Albany police, officers were called to the North Albany Academy on reports that a parent of one of the students was exposing herself to children during a school assembly. When officers arrived on the scene, school officials told them that Meaders had climbed up on stage and began dancing with the kids. School officials thought the act was unexpected, but didn't see anything inappropriate about it until Meaders began shedding her clothing. She allegedly exposed herself from the waist up in front of a group of 200 children before staff members were able to cover her and escort her away from the children. Meaders was booked into jail and charged with one count of public lewdness and seven counts of endangering the welfare of a child. Tech Support Pits From: Hank (papa) Re: Ad income Hi webby, Good luck and only short small pains on your eyeball shots tomorrow. Your in my prayers. Do you get paid when I click and read the ads in your letter or a lump sum when placing them. I ask because I can click and read all of them if it helps. take care tomorrow and always, Hank (papa) Dear Hank No, those days are long gone. Nowadays ads are strictly by commission. If I succeed in finding an ad, that has something useful for you, and you click through it and buy it, then I get a commission. If I fail to find something, that is useful to you, and you don't buy anything, then I get nothing. Quite often it happens that nobody buys anything for a long time. Most people need to see an ad for a number of days, before they have or take the time to buy something, that they need. It is just as difficult to gauge how long they need to see an ad as it is to pick the right goods. For example, Self Improvement Books: Fuhgeddabouddit!!!! My readers are already perfect and don't need any Improvement. That whole big topic is a total dud. The same goes for home based business opportunities. Billionaires don't need that, and besides, they are all too busy for stuff like that. So you see, it is a matter of finding goods and services that are in demand, and showing them often enough for somebody to buy something. The commission system is very fair to the company, that sells goods or services, but publishers have to take what they can get. The Pay Per View days are long gone. Re the eyes: The injections don't really hurt. The problem is the additives before and after the injections. They are just nice, cool drops, but they mess up the vision for days. Some of them are similar to the dilater drops you get from the optometrist, to make it easy for him to see the inside of your eyes without having to use an expensive camera, just much stronger and longer lasting. Other drops are an anesthetic, some are a disinfectant, and the final ones are a varnish type sealer to ensure absoutely nothing goes into the hole made by the needle. Usually all that stuff wears off in 2-3 days, but sometimes, like with the September 4 injections, something goes wrong with the additives and it causes extreme pain for a few days. The shots themselves are no problem. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Homemade Stain Remover If you mix 1 part Dawn dish washing liquid with 2 parts hydrogen peroxide you have the best spot remover! This is probably the only cleaner you will ever need. Either spray or pour on the spot and watch it disappear. Some stains you will need to leave on for awhile. Rinse when it disappears. Love it, it really works. By Dorothy W. from New Creek, WV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

Lost Churches of Louisiana One of the local television stations in Louisiana aired an interview with a woman from New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. The interviewer was from a Boston affiliate. She asked the Lousiana woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the area had affected their lives. Without hesitation, the woman replied: "I don't know about all those other people, but we haven't gone to Churches in years. We gets our chicken from Popeye's".
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Vinnie for this story: We purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared. One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter."
» The Wedding Ceremony


Today, Feb 20, in 
1673 The first recorded wine auction took place in London.
1792 U.S. President George Washington signed the Postal 
  Service Act thereby creating the U.S. Post Office.
1809 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal 
  government was greater than that of any individual state.
1839 The U.S. Congress prohibited dueling in the District 
  of Columbia.
1872 Luther Crowell received a patent for a machine that 
  manufactured paper bags.
1872 Silas Noble and J.P. Cooley patented the toothpick 
  manufacturing machine.
1931 The U.S. Congress allowed California to build the 
  Oakland Bay Bridge.
1933 The U.S. House of Representatives completed congressional 
  action on the amendment to repeal Prohibition.
1944 "Big Week" began as U.S. bombers began raiding German 
  aircraft manufacturing centers during World War II.
1962 John Glenn made space history when he orbited the world 
  three times in 4 hours, 55 minutes. He was the first American 
  to orbit the Earth. He was aboard the Friendship 7 
  Mercury capsule.
1965 Ranger 8 crashed on the moon after sending back thousands 
  of pictures of its surface.
1987 A bomb exploded in a computer store in Salt Lake City, UT. 
  The blast was blamed on the Unabomber.
2002 In Reqa Al-Gharbiya, Egypt, a fire raced through a train 
  killing at least 370 people and injuring at least 65.
2003 In West Warwick, RI, 99 people were killed when fire 
  destroyed the nightclub The Station. The fire started with 
  sparks from a pyrotechnic display being used by Great White. 
  Ty Longley, guitarist for Great White, was one of the victims 
  in the fire.
2013  smiled


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Copyright of Internet pictures 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, February 19.

Thank you Erl!
Thank you, Frank!

This Wednesday I have to go for more injections into my 
eyeballs. That means there won't be any newsletters on
Thursday and Friday, and possibly not on Saturday either.
Sunday should be OK again.


The Venezuelan sponsored anti-pipeline demonstration in
Washington, featuring all the professional protesters, that
we have seen at the G8 protests and the Occupy some street
protests, but clean shaven and with brand new, colorful
windbreakers, delighted the left wing media. It was a slow
weekend, ya know.

It also delighted China. Those protesters are Obama's 
buddies and he figures, he owes them a favor.

China knows that any veto or delay of the Keystone pipeline
will simply divert Billions towards the Westbound pipelines 
to BCs tanker harbors for cheap oil to China and Sout-East
Asia. 

All of those countries have pretty well outgrown old-fashioned
Communism, and are all looking for really long term contracts
with stable countries. Like Canada.

Venezuela stole all the oil wells and refineries from the oil 
companies and is not considered a stable country. Nobody
knows what they are going to do next.

The same goes for Arab oil suppliers. It is difficult to 
plan an economy far ahead, based on unpredictable oil 
suppliers. So they are all cheering on the Venezuelan 
sponsored Anti Keystone Pipeline protests, and planning to 
get their oil with super tankers from Kittimat and Vancouver. 
The more the Keystone pipeline is held up, the more money
flows to the Western routes. 

While the Enbridge "Northern Gateway" pipeline to Kittimat
gets most of the media attention, it is not the only route 
to the Pacific. Sure, the colorful protests of the Natives,
who are playing hard to please while they are trying to milk 
a few extra Billion bucks out of it, look good on TV. 

The good old Trans Mountain Pipeline from Edmonton to 
Vancouver and on to Puget Sound in Washington State, can 
easily be expanded to 600,000 barrels a day. More than 
9/10 of that will be available to fill Supertankers.

However, don't worry. Sooner or later, maybe after the next 
election, the Keystone pipeline will be built and cheap 
Canadian oil will flow to the US.

By the way, tarsands oil is not a thin oil, that would flow
far if a terrorist blows up the pipeline. It is like tar.
Thick and barely pumpable. What little bit flows out before
automatic valves shut things down, stays on the surface and
can be cleaned up easily. And contrary to what the wackos
say, it IS natural and comes from the earth. Really!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

To see what is right and not to do it is want of courage. --- Confucius (551 BC - 479 BC) Fitness - If it came in a bottle, everybody would have a great body. --- Cher
Thanks to Roland for bringing back this classic: One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?" "Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a big decision! Have you talked it over with your family?" "Yeah, we took a vote... and they're in favor of it: 15 to 2."
A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, "Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job." "Incredible!" exclaimed the man. "I can't believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!" "No, no," pleaded the dog. "Please don't! If that man finds out I can talk, he'll have me answering the phone too!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patrick Ring, 45, and Dianna Rodriguez, 41, Plumber, wife jailed for McDonald's bathroom fixtures thefts Reported by The Smoking Gun A plumber and his wife have been charged in the theft of toilet flush valves from area McDonald's restaurants. Patrick Ring, 45, and Dianna Rodriguez, 41, were arrested on Feb. 6 after police nabbed them while they were allegedly stealing metal, jail records show. The couple was arrested hours after the San Antonio Police Department released a description of their Chevrolet Lumina and surveillance images of the couple inside a McDonald's restaurant. In a videotaped confession, they later said that they entered a McDonald's restaurant at the 3400 block of East Southcross on Dec.11 to steal flush valves from the bathrooms, according to their arrest warrant affidavits. They said they had done the same at five other McDonald's locations. The stolen flush valves were sold to a recycling company located on Culebra Road, the affidavit said. The metal made to complete the valve is brass, which is considered a precious metal. They told officers they stole flush valves from five other restaurants around the city, though they have only been charged in connection with two thefts. They remain behind bars charged with two state jail felony counts of theft of aluminum/bronze/copper and other unrelated charges. Tech Support Pits From: Tess Re: Copyright of pictures Webby, thanks so much for your newsletter. I love it! I'd like to put some of the gorgeous photos you show onto jigidi.com to work them as jigsaw puzzles. I note that normally you don't include copyright information, though. How would I get permission to post them as jigsaw puzzles? Tess Dear Tess When I know who created or owns a picture, then I put their copyright notice on it, except for pictures that I took or that my father took. With other pictures that are from anonymous PPS collections sent to me by friends, nobody knows whose pictures they originally were. Quite often they have been altered on their journeys across the net, cropped, enhanced, edited. They still contain part of the original, but are sometimes as different as a view of the Eiffel tower during a different season. I would say, go ahead and use them, and if you do find out who originated it, THEN, depending on how friendly the original author is, either add the copyright and a link, or dump it. Usually just a link to where you got a picture from, insulates you from any hassles. It is also polite and good manners to add a link, for example: Seen on the DearWebby Humor Letter at http://webby.com/humor After adding a lik like that, notify that site and with any luck, they will add a reciprocal link back to you. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dryer Sheets for Shoes To freshen boots, bowling shoes, ski boots, etc., place a dryer sheet in each one when not in use. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A friend was lecturing in Latin America. He was going to use a translator, but to identify with his audience, he wanted to begin his talk by saying in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." He arrived at the auditorium a little early and realized he did not know the Spanish words for ladies and gentlemen. Being rather resourceful, he went to the part of the building where the restrooms were, looked at the signs on the two doors, and memorized those two words. When the audience arrived and he was introduced, he stood up and said in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." The audience was shocked. He didn't know whether he had offended them or perhaps they hadn't heard him or under- stood him. So he decided to repeat it. Again in Spanish he said, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." One person in the audience began to snicker. Pretty soon the entire audience was laughing. Finally, someone told him that he had said, "Good evening, bathrooms and broom closets!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked: "What sort of people were punished in the stocks?" To which a small voice from the back of the room responded: "The small investor."
» Painted Mosaics


Today, Feb 19, in 
1807 Former U.S. Vice President Aaron Burr was arrested in 
  Alabama. He was later tried and acquitted on charges of 
  treason.
1846 The formal transfer of government between Texas and the 
  United States took place. Texas had officially become a 
  state on December 29, 1845.
1856 The tintype camera was patented by Professor 
  Hamilton L. Smith.
1878 Thomas Alva Edison patented a music player, phonograph
1881 Kansas became the first state to prohibit all alcohol
1942 U.S. President Roosevelt signed an executive order giving 
  the military the authority to relocate and intern 
  Japanese-Americans.
1942 Approximately 150 Japanese warplanes attacked the Australian 
  city of Darwin.
1945 During World War II, about 30,000 U.S. Marines landed on 
  Iwo Jima.
1953 The State of Georgia approved the first literature censorship 
  board in the U.S. Newspapers were excluded from the new 
  legislation.
1959 Cyprus was granted its independence with the signing of an 
  agreement with Britain, Turkey and Greece.
1963 The Soviet Union informed U.S. President Kennedy it would 
  withdraw "several thousand" of its troops from Cuba.
1981 The U.S. State Department call El Savador a "textbook case" 
  of a Communist plot.
1981 Ford Motor Company announced its loss of $1.5 billion.
1985 William Schroeder became the first artificial-heart 
  patient to leave the confines of the hospital.
1986 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty outlawing genocide. 
  The pact had been submitted 37 years earlier for ratification.
1986 The Soviet Union launched the Mir space station.
1997 Deng Xiaoping of China died at the age of 92. He was the 
  last of China's major revolutionaries.
2002 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began using its thermal 
  emission imaging system to map Mars.
2005 The USS Jimmy Carter was commissioned at Groton, CT. 
  It was the last of the Seawolf class of attack submarines.
2008 Fidel Castro resigned the Cuban presidency. 
  His brother Raul was later named as his successor.
2013  smiled


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Is it safe to buy Laptop batteries at Amazon? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, February 18.

Thank you Erl!
Thank you, Frank!

This Wednesday I have to go for more injections into my 
eyeballs. That means there won't be any newsletters on
Thursday and Friday, and possibly not on Saturday either.
Sunday should be OK again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"The Wall Street Journal reports that two million Americans got married because of someone they met online. The bad news, four million got divorced because of somebody they met online." --- Jay Leno Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses. --- Socratex A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. --- Baltasar Gracian
A golfer went to see his doctor. He was suffering from major stress syndrome. The doctor asked him if he played golf, to which the golfer replied "I play at it, it's a very frustrating game, but I love it." The doctor told him that the next time he played, he should use an imaginary ball. The golfer was a little embarrassed, but he decided to give it a try. So he went out on a week day so his normal golfing buddies wouldn't see him, and proceeded to tee up an imaginary ball. Lo and behold, he birdied the first hole! He was playing the best game he had ever played, with birdie or eagle on every hole, as he approached the 9th green. Another single gentleman had been playing ahead of him and watching this game with much curiosity. The second golfer waited before he teed off on the 10th hole and asked the first golfer if he would like to join him. They did, and as they played the 10th hole, the second golfer asked him what he was doing. The first golfer explained that his doctor had told him to play a round of golf with an imaginary ball to relieve his stress, and it was working. Well, of course, the second golfer said he had stress and asked if it would be all right to play with an imaginary ball, also. The first golfer said "Sure!" They now approach the 18th hole, short par 4, and both men are tied to this point in their round. The second golfer teed his imaginary ball, took a stroke, and started jumping up and down shouting, "Ace! I win!" The first golfer only turned to him, smiled, and said "No, I won. That was my ball."
Anthony and Kathy married. Anthony thought this would be a modern marriage which meant equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, Anthony brought Kathy breakfast in bed. Kathy wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, Anthony brought his true love a scrambled egg. Kathy wasn't having any of it. "Don't you think I like variety? I wanted poached this morning!" Determined to please Kathy, the next morning he brought his true love two eggs - one scrambled and one poached. "Here, my love... enjoy!" Kathy acted furious, "You scrambled the wrong egg!" Anthony took the plate and ate both eggs himself, in the kitchen.
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Hang On !
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Clarice Lee, 22, Tucson, Arizona Teacher's Aide - jailed for Group Sex In School Gym While Three Additional Students Watched Reported by The Smoking Gun Clarice Lee, a 22-year-old teacher's aid at Amphitheater High School, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly had group sex in the school gymnasium while three more students watched and video recorded the show. According to Tucson Police, an investigation was launched Tuesday morning when school administrators learned of the encounter and notified police. Investigators say Lee engaged in sexual intercourse with a 16-year-old student and made sexual contact with two 18-year-old students Friday while three other students (ages 17 and 18) watched and created a video of the encounter on a cell phone. The alleged sexual encounter took place in a gymnasium that is no longer used by the school during the school lunch hour, according to the arrest report. Police interviewed the students involved and seized the video they had recorded. Lee resigned her position at the school after her arrest. She was booked into the Pima County Jail and charged with four counts of sexual misconduct with a minor. Lee may face additional charges in regards to the 18-year-old students. Tech Support Pits From: Morris Re: Amazon Battery for laptop Dear Webby, I have seen batteries advertised on Amazon. Are they safe and a good deal? Morris Dear Morris SOME batteries sold on Amazon are probably re-sales from the wholesaler I mentioned yesterday. SOME! Others are used and cleaned up, and may not last very long. And some will be stolen, with nobody knowing how good they are. When it comes to batteries, I prefer dealing with a big and respected company, that is concerned about their reputation, not some anonymous guy who bunks beside the dumpster behind the Salvation Army and uses a Ho'mail address. There are many good deals on Amazon, even great ones, but computers and batteries are best bought from big outfits, that will still be in business next year. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Drawers For More Counter Space If you are running out of counter or cooking room in the kitchen, open up your lower cabinet top kitchen drawers. Lay a cookie sheet or cutting board across them. I like to do this when baking and need more room to put my cooking racks on for baked goods to cool. They are light weight and won't pull down on the drawers. By mom-from-missouri from MW MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

The young teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked Johnny, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes west longitude...?" After a confused silence, Johnnie offered this as his answer, "Well, Miss McCutie, I guess you'd be eating alone. I can't swim THAT far!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
At work, Bob noticed that the name of an employee was the same as an old friend. He found the man's e-mail address and sent him a message. When Bob received a reply, he was insulted and fired back another e-mail: "I have put on some weight, but I didn't realize it was that noticeable." His friend's hastily typed message, with an apparent typo, had read: "Hi, Ron. I didn't know you worked here, but I did see a gut that looked like you in the cafeteria."
» Fetch!


Today, Feb 18, in 
1564 The artist Michelanglelo died in Rome.
1685 Robert Cavelier, Sieur de LaSalle established 
  Fort St. Louis at Matagorda Bay, and thus formed the basis 
  for France's claim to Texas.
1841 The first continuous filibuster in the U.S. Senate began. 
  It lasted until March 11th.
1885 Mark Twain's "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" was 
  published in the U.S. for the first time.
1930 Elm Farm Ollie became the first cow to fly in an airplane.
1930 The planet Pluto was discovered by Clyde Tombaugh. 
  The discovery was made as a result of photographs 
  taken in January 1930.
1952 Greece and Turkey became members of NATO.
1953 Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz signed a contract worth 
  $8,000,000 to continue the "I Love Lucy" TV show through 1955.
1970 The Chicago Seven defendants were found innocent of 
  conspiring to incite riots at the 1968 Democratic 
  national convention.
1972 The California Supreme Court struck down the state's 
  death penalty.
1998 In Russia, money shortages resulted in the shutting 
  down of three plants that produced nuclear weapons.
1998 In Nevada, two white separatists were arrested and 
  accused of plotting a bacterial attack on subways in 
  New York City.
2001 NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt, Sr., was killed in a 
  crash during the Daytona 500 race.
2001 FBI agent Robert Philip Hanssen was arrested and accused 
  of spying for Russia for more than 15 years. He later 
  pleaded guilty and was sentenced to life in prison without 
  parole.
2003 In South Korea, at least 120 people were killed when a 
  man lit a fire on a subway train.
2006 American Shani Davis won the men's 1,000-meter speedskating 
  in Turin. He was the first black athlete to win an 
  individual gold medal in Winter Olympic history.
2013  smiled


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Source for cheaper laptop batteries 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, February 17.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear. --- Alan Corenk Never rely on the glory of the morning nor the smiles of your mother-in-law. --- Japanese Proverb
Two women were at a bar. One said, "You know, eighty percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love." "Well," said the other, "that would certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!"
Love at first sight is only a twenty-four hour alcohol induced disease. The tricky part is returning your date before the zoo reopens.
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion, or to avoid having to buy bigger clothes? Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise. Now with 110% money back guarantee!

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version You should have seen me a month ago!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joe Rickey Hundley, 60, Hayden, Idaho Arrested after slapping crying toddler Reported by The Smoking Gun After demanding that the mother of a crying toddler “shut that nigger baby up,” a male passenger allegedly slapped the 19-month-old across the face as a flight prepared to land in Atlanta last Friday evening, The shocking February 8 incident aboard Delta Air Lines Flight 721 resulted in Joe Rickey Hundley, 60, being charged with simple assault, according to a U.S. District Court affidavit. Hundley, seen above, is president of an aircraft parts manufacturer headquartered in Hayden, Idaho. As detailed by FBI Agent Daron Cheney, Hundley was traveling to Atlanta from Minneapolis in seat 28A on the MD-90 twin-engine jet. He was seated next to Jessica Bennett, who shared seat 28B with her son Jonah. Bennett, 33, told investigators that the “aircraft was in final descent” to Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport when her child “started to cry due to the altitude change.” Bennett added that she “was trying to get her son to stop crying, but he continued.” At this point, Bennett recalled, Hundley used the racial epithet as he told her to shut the child up. He then allegedly “turned around and slapped” the toddler in the face “with an open hand, which caused the victim to scream even louder.” The slap, Bennett said, “caused a scratch below the child’s right eye.” Bennet and son Jonah After Hundley hit the child, Agent Cheney reported, Bennett received assistance from several other passengers, including Todd Wooten, who was in seat 16C. Wooten told agents that he “heard derogatory language coming from the rear of the aircraft” and got up to investigate. “According to Mr. Wooten,” Cheney noted, “he saw Joe Rickey Hundley strike” the toddler." Hundley was charged this week with simple assault, according to a criminal complaint filed in federal court in Atlanta. If convicted of the misdemeanor count, he faces a maximum of one year in prison. According to Virginia state court records, Hundley was arrested in 2007 following a fight with his girlfriend. Initially charged with simple assault, carrying a concealed weapon, and public intoxication, Hundley subsequently pleaded guilty to the misdemeanor assault rap. ------------- It is quite common, that small kids and babies experience a severe ear ache during the decscent at the end of a flight. That is usually due to a plugged Eustachian tube between the ear and the back of the mouth. Cleaning the ears well before the flight and adding a few drops of Hydrogen Peroxide (3%) will normally eliminate that problem. I have also seen mothers tell their kids to puff up their cheeks and then repeatedly box the puffed cheeks with their little hands. Their crying almost instantly turns to giggling. Breastfeeding also seems to work, if the parent is the mother. It shuts up the kid and turns cringing frowns of other passengers into friendly smiles. DearWebby Tech Support Pits From: Ruth Re: Lower cost battery for laptop Dear Webby, First thanks so much for the humor letter, I enjoy it! Appreciate the tech advice you send as well. Have a question, our 'older' Dell laptop (inspiron, I think) needs a new battery, and with a quote of about $122 from Staples, figured there might be a better deal from someone online. Wanted to see what site you'd recommend. It is useable plugged in, of course, so that's a good thing. Thanks, Ruth Dear Ruth It seems Dell buys laptops from many different makers and each one,of course, uses a different battery. Get the name and model of the laptop from underneath it, and then check at http://batteries4less.com/dell/dell_toc.html Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Drawers For More Counter Space If you are running out of counter or cooking room in the kitchen, open up your lower cabinet top kitchen drawers. Lay a cookie sheet or cutting board across them. I like to do this when baking and need more room to put my cooking racks on for baked goods to cool. They are light weight and won't pull down on the drawers. By mom-from-missouri from MW MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Recondition laptop and car batteries to work like new! Easy to do at home with these detailed instructions. Could be VERY profitable for you! Click Here for the Battery Reconditioning Book!

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. "Good morning, " said the young man. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners." "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!" and she proceeded to close the door.Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, madam, I will personally eat the remainder." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because they cut off my electricity last week."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An insurance agent was trying to sell a farmer a life insurance policy. "Have you ever met with an accident?" the agent asked. "No," replied the farmer, "but a mule kicked me in the ribs once and a rattlesnake bit me on the leg." "Good grief. Don't you consider those to be accidents?", the agent asked. 'Naw," replied the farmer, "they done it on purpose."
» Recycled Beer Can Art


Today, Feb 17, in 
1817 The first gaslit streetlights appeared on the streets 
   of Baltimore, MD.
1865 Columbia, SC, burned. The Confederates were evacuating 
  and the Union Forces were moving in.
1876 Julius Wolff was credited with being the first to can 
  sardines.
1878 In San Francisco, CA, the first large city telephone 
  exchange opened. It had only 18 phones.
1933 Blondie Boopadoop married Dagwood Bumstead three years 
  after Chic Young’s popular strip first debuted.
1947 The Voice of America began broadcasting to the Soviet Union.
1992 In Milwaukee, serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was sentenced 
  to life in prison. In November of 1994, he was beaten to 
  death in prison.
2005 U.S. President George W. Bush named John Negroponte as the 
  first national intelligence director.
2013  smiled


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Card problem on AOL 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, February 16.

Thank you, Susan!


My Dell 13020c printer had run out of the Magenta toner
earlier this week. Well, it's chip said so. Printers don't
really check for toner levels, they simply count how many 
pages used a bit of that color, and when some magic number
has been counted down to zero, it claims the cartridge 
is empty. There is nothing you can do then except replace 
the cartridge, or at least the chip in it.

So I went online to AtlanticInkjet and ordered some 
cartridges, and remembered to use the WEBBY coupon word
for an extra discount. 

Today the cartridges arrived. I slapped the magenta cartridge 
into the printer, it's fan started with a happy sigh, and it
started spitting out the pages, that have been queued up in 
the meantime. No fuss, no problem.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive. --- John Sladek Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof. --- Ashley Montague A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand. --- Bertrand Russell All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. --- Arthur Schopenhauer
Thanks to Linda for this story: My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small. He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio level. He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning. Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house. Observing all this, our 'nosey' next-door neighbor asked, "Hey! Ray, are you going to put that patio away 'EVERY' night?"
An old trapper up north was having a bad infection in his mouth so went to a dentist .He told the dentist that he just wanted the tooth pulled. When the dentist checked him, he told the old fellow that he had two abscessed teeth and he needed antibiotics and he'd have to give him some novocaine to ease the pain. The old man told him to just pull them out and not bother with the novocaine, as pain didn't bother him. After a short discussion he told the dentist that he'd only felt pain twice in his life. So the dentist gets his pliers out and pulls one tooth. He asks if he wants something for the pain and is told to just go ahead and pull the other. While the Dentist is finishing up he tells the old man: "You are a tough old codger aren't you? You said you had felt pain twice in your life ! When was that?" The man tells him: "Well,years ago I was out checking my traps and I had to take a crap so I backed up to a tree and needless to say I was right over a bear trap.That trap closed on my testicles and believe me I felt pain then!!" "My goodness!", says the dentist, "I'm not surprised, but when was the other time you felt pain?" "When I hit the end of that chain, that the trap was tied to!"
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Floral Peacock
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Johnetta Cheryel Mack, 21, Makato, MN Jailed After Assaulting Police With Used Tampon Reported by The Weekly Vice Johnetta Cheryel Mack, a 21-year-old Minnesota woman, earned additional charges Sunday when she allegedly threw a used tampon at officers after she was ordered to submit to a strip search. According to police, officers were dispatched to the Oleander Saloon at around 1:30 a.m. after Mack became intoxicated and disruptive inside the bar. When officers arrived, Mack had already been handcuffed by a private security guard. The guard told officers that he took Mack into custody after she attacked another woman at the bar and refused to leave the establishment. While in custody, Mack resisted and kicked the security officer in the shin. Mack was taken into custody by police and transferred to the Blue Earth County Jail where she was asked to submit to a strip search. That's when Mack extracted a used tampon from her vagina and hurled it at officers. When Mack saw that she had missed the officer she intended to hit, she kicked the tampon in another officer's direction. Officers classified the act as felony assault, since she flung bodily fluids towards the officers in the process. Mack was ultimately charged with fourth-degree assault for kicking the security guard and two counts of fifth-degree assault for the flaming tampon incident. In 2010, Mack was charged with assaulting a Makato police officer. She later pleaded guilty to obstructing the legal process. Tech Support Pits From: Mary Re: Postcard problem at AOL Hi, just wanted to let you know that everytime I send a ecard from your site they never get sent. I request a copy to be sent to me too and I never receive the copy. So whats up with that? I know for a fact cause I have sent an ecard from my one email to another and that email does not get the ecard. Other than that I love this site and the selection of cards. Thanks much, Mary Dear Mary This was forwarded to me. On busy card sending days like Valentines Day, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, etc., AOL drops more outside mail than usually, and you have to expect that. Mail between AOLers does not seem to be affected. For important mail it is a good idea to get a reliale address on the side, for example Gmail. You can still continue to use your AOL address for communicating with AOLers. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Comet for Cleaning Burnt Pots and Pans To clean the worst burnt pots and pans in just a few minutes, put about 1/2 to 1 inch of water in the pan then shake a generous amount of Comet (brand name) and boil. Takes only a few minutes before you see the black food boiling up. Keep adding water and Comet if needed. Works so well I LOOK for these burnt pots and pans at yard sales. By Dahl K. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

Thanks to Dave for this story: An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old general sends for his trusty Indian scout. "You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." The trusty Indian scout lies down and puts his ear to the ground. "Heap large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint. Many many guns. Medicine man also with them." "Good grief!" exclaims the general. "You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?" "Nah," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly ... Twenty-two miles an hour!" the woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask ... is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off that gravel road back there, Route 119."
» Olives


Today, Feb 16, in 
1741 - Benjamin Franklin published America’s second magazine, 
   "The General Magazine and Historical Chronicle".
1804 - A raid was led by Lt. Stephen Decatur to burn the 
  U.S. Navy frigate Philadelphia. The ship had been taken 
  by pirates.
1857 - The National Deaf Mute College was incorporated in 
  Washington, DC. It was the first school in the world for 
  advanced education of the deaf. The school was later 
  renamed Gallaudet College.
1868 - The Jolly Corks organization, in New York City, 
  changed it name to the Benevolent and Protective Order of 
  Elks (BPOE).
1918 - Lithuania proclaimed its independence.
1923 - Howard Carter unsealed the burial chamber of Egyptian 
  Pharaoh Tutankhamen. The next day he entered the chamber 
  with several invited guests. He had originally found the 
  tomb on November 4, 1922.
1937 - Wallace H. Carothers received a patent for nylon. 
  Carothers was a research chemist for Du Pont.
1946 - The first commercially designed helicopter was tested 
  in Connecticut.
1959 - Fidel Castro seized power in Cuba after the overthrow of 
  President Fulgencio Batista.
1960 - The U.S.S. Triton began the first circumnavigation of 
  the globe under water. The trip ended on May 10.
1968 - In the U.S., the first 911 emergency telephone system 
  was inaugurated in Haleyville, AL.
1999 - Kurds seized embassies and held hostages across Europe 
  following Turkey's arrest of Kurdish rebel leader 
  Abdullah Ocalan.
2002 - The operator of a crematory in Noble, GA, was arrested 
  after dozens of corpses were found stacked in storage 
  sheds and scattered around in the surrounding woods.
2005 - The Kyoto global warming pact went into effect in 140 nations.
  Canada, a country that produces more oxygen than CO2, abstained.
2013  smiled


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Slave jumper 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, February 15.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime. --- G. Gordon Liddy, a politician If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. --- Johnny Carson
The sheriff of a small town was also the town's animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."
A traveling salesman went into a restaurant for breakfast one morning. When the waitress took his order he said he wanted his eggs hard and burned around the edges, his bacon was to be burnt crisp and he wanted his toast blackened and hard. The waitress was surprised but soon returned with his order as he requested. She then asked if was there anything else she could do for him. He says, "Yes, sit down across from me, frazzle your hair and start complaining. I'm home sick."
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Floral Peacock
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Willie Merriweather, 53, Aiken, South Carolina Jailed for Masturbating During Employment Interview Reported by The Weekly Vice Willie Merriweather, a 53-year-old South Carolina male, was jailed Monday after he allegedly masturbated during an interview at a local staffing agency. According to the Aiken Department of Public Safety, Merriweather reportedly entered the staffing agency and was seated for an interview when the incident took place. The interviewer told detectives that she was gathering personal information about the applicant, such as his name and date of birth, when she looked down and noticed that his penis was fully exposed and in his hand. When the woman confronted Merriweather about his exposed penis and ordered him out of the building, Merriweather tried to argue that "it fell out." Police who were called to the scene located Merriweather a short time later and brought him down to police headquarters for an interview. "The suspect did state that while he was talking to the victim, his penis fell out of his pants," according to a police affidavit. "The suspect claims that he must have forgotten to zip his pants." A second employee from the staffing agency told detectives that they were familiar with Merriweather and that he always seeks out a female employee to interview with. Detectives learned during the interview that Merriweather had a warrant issued for his arrest in connection to a similar incident that occurred on January 31. During the previous incident, Merriweather was at another employment agency attempting to get an interview when the employee turned around and allegedly saw Merriweather masturbating with his genitals "completely exposed." Merriweather reportedly fled from the building when he was approached by a supervisor. Merriweather was booked into the Aiken County Detention Center and charged with two counts of indecent exposure. Tech Support Pits From: Dave Re: USB drive jumpers Dear Webby Congratulations and thanks for a most useful newsletter. I recently purchased a HD enclosure kit and am having problems making it work, Should the hard drive jumpers be set to slave? By the way I phoned the companies tech help line. They weren't. Dave Dear Dave Sorry that your email almost slipped by me! Yes, the jumper on the portable USB drive needs to be set to the "SLAVE" position. That way it will accept any stationary C: drive as it's master, and it will act as a secondary drive to both your desktop and laptop. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Arm Covers From Cutoff Skinny Jeans Not to long ago my grand daughter went through a growth spurt and she asked me to turn her skinny jeans into shorts. After cutting above the knees and hemming, I was left with some good material. After thinking about it, I pulled them up my arms as sleeves. Since the jeans are stretchy, I didn't have to do anything to them. They can be used when trimming shrubs, trees, working in the garden, etc. We live in Florida and I'll wear them in the house when it gets cool, but not cold enough to turn the heat on. By ShadowZ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

When I first started college, the professor came in and said "Good Morning" to all of us. When we echoed back to him, he said "Ah, you're Freshmen." He explained. "When you walk in and say good morning, and they say good morning back, it's Freshmen. When they put their newspapers down and open their books, it's Sophomores. When they look up so they can see the instructor over the tops of the newspapers, it's juniors. When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, it's seniors. "And when you walk in and say good morning, and they write it down, it's graduate students."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. 3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stop bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness. 11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 12 Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 14. Glibido: All talk and no action. 15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 18. Caterpallor (n): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you are eating.
» Otto Otter


Today, Feb 15, in 
1758 Mustard was advertised for the first time in America.
1764 The city of St. Louis was established.
1799 Printed ballots were authorized for use in elections 
   in the state of Pennsylvania.
1842 Adhesive postage stamps were used for the first time 
  by the City Dispatch Post (Office) in New York City.
1898 The USS Maine sank when it exploded in Havana Harbor for 
  unknown reasons. More than 260 crew members were killed.
1903 Morris and Rose Michtom, Russian immigrants, introduced 
  the first teddy bear in America.
1942 During World War II, Singapore surrendered to the Japanese.
1961 A Boeing 707 crashed in Belgium killing 73 people.
1965 Canada displayed its new red and white maple leaf flag. 
1982 During a storm, the Ocean Ranger, a drilling rig, sank 
  off the coast of Newfoundland. 84 men were killed.
1985 The Center for Disease Control reported that more than 
  half of all nine-year-olds in the U.S. showed no sign of 
  tooth decay.
1989 After nine years of intervention, the Soviet Union 
  announced that the remainder of its troops had left 
  Afghanistan.
1991 The leaders of Czechoslovakia, Hungary and Poland signed 
  the Visegard agreement, in which they pledged to cooperate 
  in transforming their countries to free-market economies.
1995 The FBI arrested Kevin Mitnick and charged him with 
  cracking security in some of the nation's most protected 
  computers. He served five years in jail.
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush approved Nevada's Yucca 
  Mountain as a site for long-term disposal of radioactive 
  nuclear waste.
2013  smiled


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Is it spam? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, February 14
Guilt Day!

If you are not sending a Valentines greeting to your
significant other and your friends, then SOMEBODY is
going to make you feel guilty.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When men are scared of a woman, they always accuse her of being mannish. --- Elizabeth Aston The charity that hastens to proclaim its good deeds, ceases to be charity, and is only pride and ostentation. --- William Hutton
Thanks to Dianne for this story: A Maine Love Story... George and Aggie lived on the cove just past Lewiston Tickle out on the peninsula. It was early winter and the lower portion of the cove had frozen over. George asked Aggie if she would walk across the frozen part of the cove to the general store and get him some smokes and beer. She asked him for some money, but he told her, "Nah, just put it on our tab, old man Stacey won't mind." So Aggie walked across the ice, got the smokes and beer at the store and then walked back home across the cove. When she got home and gave George his smokes and his beer, she asked him, "George, you always tell me not to run up the tab at Stacey's store. Why didn't you just give me some money?" George replied, "Well, Aggie, girl, I didn't want to send you out there with cash when I wasn't sure how thick the ice was yet!" Kind of brings a tear to yer eye, don't it?
Thanks too Rubye for this story: My neighbour was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn. He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair. He told her, "You appear quite elderly to be driving." "Well, yes, I am," she replied proudly. "I'll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don't even need a driver's license anymore. "The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver's license. I told him yes and handed it to him. He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the waste basket, saying, 'You won't need this anymore,' so I thanked him and left!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Casey Leigh Cranfield, 28, Punta Gorda, Florida Charged Again After Deputies Find Bottle Of Xanax Hidden Inside Her Vagina Reported by The Weekly Vice Casey Leigh Cranfield, a 28-year-old Punta Gorda woman was charged again on Tuesday after she smuggled Xanax pills into jail by hiding them inside her vagina. According to the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office, Cranfield was arrested on Monday and then booked into the Charlotte County Jail on Tuesday after she was allegedly found to be in violation of her probation. The next day, deputies discovered that she had somehow ingested Xanax pills while she was incarcerated at the jail. She was immediately ordered to undergo a strip search at the jail. During the search, deputies found a 2.5" Tylenol bottle hidden inside her vagina that contained 8 Xanax pills and two other pills that were sent off to a lab for identification. After the discovery, Cranfield became uncooperative and demanded to speak to her lawyer. Cranfield was booked into the Charlotte County Jail and charged with introduction of contraband into a detention facility, possession of Xanax without a prescription, and possession of drug paraphernalia. She is currently being held without bond. According to court records, Cranfield has been booked into jail three times on seven drug related charges. She was arrested with four other suspects back in April when Charlotte County Narcotics detectives raided a Punta Gorda apartment during a planned drug sting operation. Tech Support Pits From: Sue Re: Is it spam? Dear Webby I have rcvd e-mail from a credit card company----may or may not be valid----would like to forward to you for your opinion....i would prefer to forward WITH PERMISSION. Am not concerned so much with critters imbedded or or or....am more concerned 1)that it is bogus and 2)someone ELSE might fall into the trap----you have a tremendous following and could potentially help a buncha dolts and not just me........and no-----I am not just pandering to your ego----you are highly rated for a good reason..... Thanks in advance Sue Dear Sue When in doubt, trash it. There is always more spam and scam coming. If you forward it to me, most likely my MailWasher will recognize it as a scam and trash it anyway, unseen. With anything credit card related: If it tells you to stop by your local bank, then it's legit. If it asks for ANY input whatsoever, it's a scam. Feel free to enter the name and info of your favorite politician, but never enter anything related to you, especially not bank account or PIN numbers. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Bulk Food Items Shopping at the warehouse stores gives you gallon size containers which are cumbersome. The small size sport squirt top water/drink bottles are great for holding a manageable supply of oil, soy sauce or vinegar. By Marsha Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

From Sara Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where they gave him a series of tests to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With an alarmed look, the nurse quickly said, "Ma'am, he's not THAT sick!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large pole and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. Dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?" The boy answered "Yes father". Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get murdered, because he had told the truth." The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree."
» Otto Otter


Today, Feb 14, in 
1803 - Moses Coats received a patent on the apple parer.
1849 - The first photograph of a U.S. President, while in 
  office, was taken by Matthew Brady in New York City. 
  President James Polk was the subject of the picture.
1876 - Alexander Graham Bell filed an application for a 
  patent for the telephone. It was officially issued on 
  March 7, 1876.
1889 - In Los Angeles, CA, oranges began their first trip 
  to the east.
1899 - The U.S. Congress approved voting machines for use in 
  federal elections.
1900 - Russia imposed tighter imperial control over Finland 
  in response to an international petition for Finland's freedom.
1912 - The first diesel engine submarine was commissioned in Groton, CT.
1912 - Arizona was admitted as the 48th U.S. state.
1918 - The motion picture "Tarzan of the Apes" was released.
1929 - The "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" took place in Chicago, IL. 
  Seven gangsters who were rivals of Al Capone were killed.
1946 - ENIAC (Electronic Numerical Integrator and Computer) 
  was unveiled. The device, built at the University of 
  Pennsylvania, was the world's first general purpose electronic 
  computer.
1961 - Lawrencium, element 103, was first produced in Berkely, CA.
1962 - U.S. First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy gave a tour of the 
   White House on television.
1979 - Adolph Dubs, the U.S. ambassador to Afghanistan, was 
  kidnapped in Kabul by Muslim extremists. He was killed in a 
  shootout between his abductors and police.
1983 - A 6-year-old boy became the first person to receive a 
  heart and liver transplants in the same operation.
1989 - Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini called on Muslims to kill 
  Salman Rushdie because of his novel "The Satanic Verses."
1989 - The first satellite of the Global Positioning System was 
  placed into orbit around Earth.
1989 - Union Carbide agreed to pay $470 million to the government 
  of India. The court-ordered settlement was a result of the 
  1984 Bhopal gas leak disaster.
2003 - In Madrid, Spain, a ceramic plate with a bullfighting 
  motif painted by Pablo Picasso in 1949 was stolen from an 
  art show. The plate was on sale for $12,400.
2013  smiled


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What kind of laptop to select? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, February 13

"Apache OpenOffice 3.4.1 has averaged 138,928 downloads 
PER DAY. That is an average value to the public of 
$21 million per day, as calculated by savings over buying 
the competing product. Or $7.61 billion 
(7.61 thousand million) per year, that the public has saved,
and the amount less that Microsoft made in 2012."

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Work is the curse of the drinking classes. --- Oscar Wilde Love is or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all. --- Toni Morrison If you can't be funny, be interesting. --- Harold Ross Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status. --- Laurence J. Peter An expert is a person who avoids small errors as he sweeps on to the grand fallacy. --- Benjamin Stolberg
At one point during a soccer game, the coach called one of his 7- year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a foul is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a fishbrain dumbass' is it?'' Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."
One night my friend Rick drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, and absolutely nothing happened, except that she did not have an accident or lose her drivers license, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily. Later that evening Rick and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her eat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Christina Milligan, 30, Sacramento, California Jailed After Reporting Son Missing, Child Later Found Playing Inside her Trashed Apartment Reported by The Weekly Vice Christina Milligan, a 30-year-old Sacramento female was jailed after she allegedly called 911 to report that her 9-year-old son was missing. Deputies later found the autistic boy lost among the trash and filth inside Milligan's apartment. According to the Sacramento County Sheriff's Office, deputies were called to Milligan's apartment after she reported that her son was missing. When deputies arrived at the scene, they found Milligan's apartment filled with trash, spoiled food and dirty diapers covering the floor. Cockroaches were found crawling the walls and a strong odor of urine throughout the residence. Before beginning a search of the surrounding area, deputies performed a search of Milligan's apartment. That's when they discovered the missing boy in a room at the apartment, playing with a Nook tablet. Investigators say the boy was wearing dirty clothing and had been constrained to the room because there was no place else he could go inside the residence. The boy and his 2-year-old sibling were placed into the care of Child Protective Services. Milligan was booked into jail and charged with child endangerment. She was released after posting bail. Tech Support Pits From: Carol T Re: What kind of laptop? Ho Webby, is it available to search the site for previous tech tips? My husband is encouraging me to get a new laptop now that this one is acting up a bit. He wants me to get one this a video camera built-in. I thought at one point you had given a list of specs for a computer you thought would be a good utilitarian machine. My use is generally email and word processing, a few photos, no games, some music, and some videos. He wants me to get one with a fairly large-- Carol T Dear Carol Old issues are in the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog. However, even though tips and tricks remain valuable, machine specs change. Re camera, all laptops in the last half dozen years have had a small camera built in. For desktops, get a camera for $10 to $50. You can even get a "Little Blue Man" from Skype. It is a little plastic figure that has a camera and microphone built in. You simply plug it into a USB port and set it on top of your monitor. Instant video conferencing. Quality of your video depends on your Internet connection, not on your camera. The video degrades to cope with the connection. Unless you have a 15 Mbps or faster, don't waste money on a better camera. The screen size is not always tied to pice. Yuppies go for small laptops and notebooks, so that they can take them to Starbucks to go onto Facebook and Twitter. That means the big laptops stay at the stroe and gather dust. Check at Staples and see what they got. I got my Acer 19" laptop there about 4 years ago for around $300, when I needed one in a hurry. My old DELL laptop died two days before a Cactus Safari and I did not have time to order a replacement. People don't like lugging big monsters through miles and miles of airport corridors, but I figured I was tough enough. and I have been using the monster ever since. For RAM, demand 4 GB or more. Windoze needs that. As far as the hard drive is concerned, big size is nice, but considering how cheap external USB hard drives are, don't pay extra for a bigger size hard drive. The same goes for the processor. The processor numbers might be important for kids bragging on the school bus, but are as irrelevant as bragging about the horsepower of your Corvette, while you are stuck behind a school bus in a 30 MPH zone. More RAM will help, but a bigger or faster CPU won't make a noticeable difference with the stuff YOU do. So to sum it up: 4 GB of RAM and as big a screen as you can find. Even if you plug the old monitor into it to get decent size and resolution on the two screens side by side,, it is ridiculous if your hubby has to use a magnifying glass to see what is on the little screen. YOUR eyes might still be good for tiny stuff, but older men's eyes don't do so well with that. If the laptop stays at home most of the time, get a cheap monster. Also order a keyboard for it at the same time. I never use the cramped laptop keyboards, and usually wear out half a dozen external keyboards before the laptop dies. Keyboards are cheap, when you can order them online, and well worth it. Forget the silly thumb pad on the laptop. If you are going to continue using the old machine occasionally, you need a decent mouse. I use 8 button mice, left, right, copy, paste, left scroll, right scroll, vertical scroll and Enter. Unless you work with spreadsheets, you can probably do without the left and right scrolling, but all of the other buttons are really easy to get used to and miss, if they are not available. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Bulk Food Items Shopping at the warehouse stores gives you gallon size containers which are cumbersome. The small size sport squirt top water/drink bottles are great for holding a manageable supply of oil, soy sauce or vinegar. By Marsha Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem. He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug and a squeeze. He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!" The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do you want me to bring her in for her treatment every day?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this Q&A: Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount. Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire? Answer: Tied shoes Question: Why do retirees count pennies? Answers: They are the only ones who have the time. Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? Answer: NUTS! Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? Answer: Normal. Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? Answers: The never ending Coffee Break. Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
» Natural Stones


Today, Feb 13, in 
1542 Catherine Howard was executed for adultery. 
  She was the fifth wife of England's King Henry VIII.
1633 Galileo Galilei arrived in Rome for trial before 
  the Inquisition.
1875 Mrs. Edna Kanouse gave birth to America’s first 
  quintuplets. All five of the baby boys died within 
  two weeks.
1920 The League of Nations recognized the continued 
  neutrality of Switzerland.
1937 The comic strip "Prince Valiant" appeared
1945 During World War II, the Soviets captured Budapest, 
  Hungary, from the German army.
1945 During World War II, Allied aircraft began bombing 
  the German city of Dresden for three days steady. Dresden
  was an undefended Red Cross town, through which all the 
  refuges from the Russian front were channeled and distributed
  to all over Europe from there. A few Million of them died
  in that bombing. It was an experiment in psychological warfare.
1955 Israel acquired 4 of the 7 Dead Sea scrolls.
1960 France detonated its first atomic bomb.
1971 South Vietnamese troops invaded Laos. They were backed 
  by U.S. air and artillery support.
1984 Konstantin Chernenko was chosen to be general secretary 
  of the Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee, 
  succeeding the late Yuri Andropov.
1990 In Ottawa, the United States and its European allies 
  forged an agreement with the Soviet Union and East Germany 
  on a two-stage formula to reunite Germany.
1991 Hundreds of Iraqis were killed by two laser-guided bombs 
  that destroyed an underground facility in Baghdad. 
  U.S. officials identified the facility as a military installation, 
  but Iraqi officials said it was a bomb shelter.
1997 Astronauts on the space shuttle Discovery brought the Hubble 
  Space Telescope aboard for a tune up. The tune up allowed the 
  telescope to see further into the universe.
1999 A bomb exploded just outside a government-owned bank in 
  southern Kosovo. Nine people were killed.
2000 Charles M. Schulz's last original Sunday "Peanuts" comic 
  strip appeared in newspapers. Schulz had died the day before.
2008 Roger Clemens denied having taken performance-enhancing 
  drugs in testimony before Congress.
2008 Hollywood writers ended a 100-day strike.
2013  smiled


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Ordering a custom configuration computer from DELL 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, February 12

Thank you, Millie!

Moe alerted me to this news item:

CNN anchor questions whether global warming to blame for 
asteroid

The asteroid, a silly little meteorite, has been spinning
around for eons, and now and then it crosses paths with 
earth. Most likely it has been doing that since long before
earth stopped glowing in the dark. Quite obviously, it really
does not give a hoot about the climate on earth, but it sure
is funny when a typical Gullible Warming fanatic tries to
pin the orbit of that dumb rock on your refusal to pay 
carbon tax to Al Gore and his buddies.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A pessimist sees only the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides, and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all - he's walking on them. --- Leonard Louis Levinson An angler is a man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers, doing nothing, because his wife won't let him do it at home. --- Socratex
The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help. "My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop. "The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?" "I recognized her laugh!"
A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number. "Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "You folks need all the practice you can get."
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tawny Hickman, 18, Fort Pierce, Florida Tawny Hickman Had A Bad Case Of The Kiddie Nibbles Reported by The Weekly Vice Tawny Hickman, an 18-year-old Fort Pierce female was jailed after she allegedly left hickey marks on a 9-year-old boy while he was over to her house to spend the night. According to the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office, the child's mother called police after her son returned to her home Sunday morning with hickey marks on his neck after spending the night at Hickman's residence. Investigators say the boy's mother allowed Hickman to babysit her son for the night, despite rumors in the neighborhood that "stuff was going on" between the pair. The woman told deputies that she didn't believe the rumors because she was familiar with Hickman and assumed her son was in good hands. That assumption proved to be misguided, however, when the boy returned the next day with hickey marks on his neck. When officers questioned Hickman, she stated that the boy woke up during the night and came into her bedroom. That's when the boy and Hickman allegedly began biting each other. Hickman showed deputies two marks on her stomach that were similar to the marks that were found on the boy's neck. Hickman was booked into jail and charged with child abuse and battery. Tech Support Pits From: Me Re: Ordering custom configuraton machines from DELL Today I had to order a custom machine for somebody, in a configuration, that was not in the DELL online catalog. At first I tried their chat. Sometimes that works out well, but not today. I got stuck with Bhanu Teja, a total waste of time. So I tried their phone. Major confusion. I think I briefly talked to half the Taliban in Pakistan. Some of them talked almost understandable English, and eventually passed me on to Elizabeth Cheah. It was well worth the 20 minutes of silly confusion, to finally get to talk to her. Elizabeth realized my hearing impairment and slowed down her usually very fast talk, so that I could understand her, picked up the saved configuration from my profile, and understood what needed to be added. She put together a custom order, that had all that was required. Thanks to Elizabeth, that machine is now being built and will soon be on it's way. If you get stuck with hard to understand or uncooperative agents, ask to speak to her. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Warm Lotion in Winter Like a lot of people, I use a small electric heater in the bathroom during the winter. And for convenience, I keep my body lotion on the side of the tub. I have found that when I get out of the shower, the lotion is warmed, goes on so smoothly, and feels so good! Just thought I would share this for all of you who live in a colder area. By hugmehugs from IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically, that he had overlooked the first notice. "Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided: 1. A nose ring and bifocals 2. Spiked hair and bald spots 3. A pierced tongue and dentures 4. Miniskirts and support hose 5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads 6. Speedo's and cellulite 7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar 8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor 9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge 10. Bikinis and liver spots 11. Short shorts and varicose veins 12. Inline skates and a walker And last, but not least 13.Thongs and Depends
» Fat Tuesday (Mardi Gras)


Today, Feb 12, in 
1541 - The city of Santiago, Chile was founded.
1554 - Lady Jane Grey was beheaded after being charged with 
   treason. She had claimed the throne of England for only 
   nine days.
1733 - Savannah, GA, founded by English colonist Oglethorpe.
1870 - In the Utah Territory, women gained the right to vote.
1879 - The first artificial ice rink opened in North America. 
   It was at Madison Square Garden in New York City, NY.
1907 - A collision of the steamer Larchmont and a schooner 
  resulted in the death of more than 300 people. The incident 
  occurred off New England's Block Island.
1912 - China's boy emperor Hsuan T'ung announced that he was 
   abdicating, ending the Manchu Ch'ing dynasty. Subsequently, 
   the Republic of China was established.
1918 - All theatres in New York City were shut down in an 
   effort to conserve coal.
1924 - U.S. President Calvin Coolidge made the first 
   presidential political speech on radio.
1971 - James Cash (J.C.) Penney died at the age of 95. 
1973 - The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first in 
   the U.S. to post metric distance signs.
1973 - American prisoners of war were released for the first 
   time during the Vietnam conflict.
1998 - A U.S. federal judge declared that the presidential 
   line-item veto was unconstitutional.
1999 - U.S. President Clinton was acquitted by the U.S. Senate 
   on two impeachment articles. The charges were perjury and 
   obstruction of justice.
2001 - The space probe NEAR landed on the asteroid Eros. 
   It was the first time that any craft had landed on a 
   small space rock.
2002 - Princess Stephanie of Monaco and Franco Knie won a 
   defamation-of-character lawsuit against the Swiss magazine 
   "Facts." The case involved a photomontage by the magazine.
2004 - Mattel announced that "Barbie" and "Ken" were breaking 
   up. The dolls had met on the set of their first television 
   commercial together in 1961. 
2013  smiled


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How to dump print queue 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, February 11




Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.' --- Sam Levenson There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say. --- Cyril Connolly
The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny. Two months later, when Mom found her- self responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it. The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time--we'll miss him." "Yes," Mom replied, "But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes." Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him." But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage." With one voice and in tearful outrage the children shouted, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!"
Cassie walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register she saw a display of caps with WWJD printed on all of them. She she asked the clerk what the letters were supposed to mean, and the clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would Jesus Do", and was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation. Cassie thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I don't think Jesus would pay $14.95 for one of these caps."
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Robert Tate Jr, 30, Port St. Lucie, Florida Jailed After Attempting To Drive SUV Through Parent's Front Door Reported by The Weekly Vice Robert Tate Jr., a 30-year-old Florida man was jailed Saturday after he allegedly rammed his parent's home with an SUV. According to the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to a residence in Port St. Lucie after an unknown assailant used an SUV to ram the front doors of a resident's home. Investigators say the impact of the crash destroyed the home's front doors, and sent glass shattering throughout the house. The motorist involved revved the car's engine in an apparent attempt to break through the wall and continue driving through the house, however, that effort tailed. The motorist then fled the scene, leaving the vehicle's front bumper behind. The vehicle, which was later found abandoned at a local bar, was registered to victims' son, Robert Tate Jr. During a police interview, 30 year old Tate admitted to ramming his car into his parents home, stating that he was abused as a kid. He was booked into the St. Lucie County Jail and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Tech Support Pits From: Rob Re: Flush print queue Dear Webby, How do I flush the print queue if something gets stuck in it? Rob Dear Rob When you encounter a jammed print job, your first instinct may be to reboot the system, which will flush the jammed print job from the queue. But there's an easier way. 1. Open Control Panel, and double-click Administrative Tools. 2. Double-click Services. 3. Scroll through the list of running services, and select the Print Spooler service. 4. Click the Stop Service button on the toolbar. 5. After waiting a moment, click the Start button on the toolbar. 6. Close Services, and close Administrative Tools. When you return to the print queue, the jammed print job should no longer be there. If it is, you should now be able to delete it normally. Keep in mind that you may have to manually update the queue by selecting Refresh from the View menu. In Windows7 it is quite similar, except that instead of atool bar, it has a side-menu that lists those commands. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Scented Milk Bath Ingredients: 2 cups dry powdered milk (regular or dried goat milk powder) 1/2 cup Epsom salts 1/2 cup sea salt 1/2 cup baking soda 6 drops lavender essential oil 4 drops rose or rose geranium essential oil Directions: Mix all the ingredients but the oils together into a glass bowl. Drop the oils in and work it together with a large wooden spoon or rubber spatula. Pour into a container. Leave the lid off for a day or so, then stir and cover. Give with instructions. To Use: Add 1/2 cup or into a warm bath while it fills. By JodiT from Aurora, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

>Thanks to Trish in Oz for this classic: A punter was at the horse races playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt. He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race. Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses. The punter made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on that horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race. He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next. He bet big on it, and it won. As the races continued the Priest kept blessing long shots, and each one ended up winning. The punter was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the Priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. The punter knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag. He watched dumbfounded as the old nag came in last. In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was. Confronting Him, he demanded, 'Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings!'. The Priest nodded with sympathy. Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A husband went to buy a birthday gift for his wife. Some friends had been invited over that night to celebrate her fortieth, and he wanted to get something special. At the store he spotted some cute little music boxes. One blue one was playing "Happy Birthday." Thinking they were all the same, he chose a red one and had it gift-wrapped. Later, at dinner, he gave it to his wife and asked her to open it. When she lifted the lid, out came the tune to "The Old Gray Mare, She Ain't What She Used to Be!"
» National Cowboy Museum


Today, Feb 10, in 
1752 The Pennsylvania Hospital opened as the very first 
  hospital in America.

1808 Judge Jesse Fell experimented by burning anthracite 
  coal to keep his house warm. He successfully showed how 
  clean the coal burned and how cheaply it could be used 
  as a heating fuel.
1812 The term "gerrymandering" had its beginning when the 
  governor of Massachusetts, Elbridge Gerry, signed a 
  redistricting law that favored his party.
1858 A French girl, Bernadette Soubirous, claimed to have 
  seen a vision of the Virgin Mary near Lourdes.
1929 The Lateran Treaty was signed. Italy now recognized the 
  independence and sovereignty of Vatican City.
1936 Pumping began the process to build San Francisco's 
  Treasure Island.
1937 General Motors agreed to recognize the United Automobile 
  Workers Union, which ended their sit-down strike.
1945 During World War II, the Yalta Agreement was signed by 
  U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister 
  Winston Churchill and Soviet leader Josef Stalin.
1979 Nine days after the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini returned 
  to Iran (after 15 years in exile) power was seized by 
  his followers.
1982 France nationalized five groups of major industries and 
  39 banks.
1990 Nelson Mandela was freed after 27 years in captivity.
2000 The space shuttle Endeavor took off. The mission was to 
   gather data for the most detailed map of the earth ever.
2000 Great Britain suspended self-rule in Northern Ireland 
  after the Irish Republican Army (IRA) failed to begin 
  decommissioning (disarming) by a February deadline.
2002 The six stars on NBC's "Friends" signed a deal for 
   $24 million each for the ninth and final season of series.
2006 In Texas, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally 
  shot and wounded a companion during a quail hunt. 
2013  smiled


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Trick to avoid movie pausing 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, February 10

A good friend lent me her little notebook, so I am
limping along and trying to cope. But at least I am
able to send out the newsletters again!

How one man foreclosed on the bank
http://www.dump.com/manforecloses/

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. --- Laurence J. Peter If time flies when you're having fun, it hits the afterburners when you don't think you're having enough. --- Jef Mallett
Two assassins are hired to kill a dictator in South America. They follow his every move for months, and find out that every day at noon he goes outside and does his stretching exercises. So the assassins set up shop right across the street, get all of their sights set, load the guns, and have everything ready to go. Noon comes, no dictator......10 minutes longer........no dictator. One assassin turns to the other and says, "Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."
Thanks to Ann for this: I was wandering around the 'net recently, and GOSH! I found a whole bunch of PHILATELISTS. And then I discovered groups populated by THESPIANS and HOMO SAPIENS. And I found hundreds -- not dozens, but HUNDREDS -- of educational institutions funded by MY TAX DOLLARS... teaching people to MATRICULATE!
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Deborrah Curran, 36, Queensbury, New York Jailed for vaginal identity theft Reported by The Weekly Vice Deborah Curran, a 36-year-old New York female, was jailed Monday after she allegedly hid a container of urine, that belonged to someone else, inside her vagina, in an attempt to provide a false drug sample. According to the Warren County Sheriff's Office, Curran was ordered to submit to routine drug screens in 2011 after she was found guilty of stealing purses at local shopping centers and then using the victims' credit card and bank information to make forged purchases. Curran reportedly used the proceeds of her thefts to fuel her heroin addiction. Investigators say Curran was attempting to submit a false drug sample by hiding a container of someone else's urine inside her vagina. The effort failed after a probation officer became suspicious and discovered the container. During questioning, Curran allegedly admitted to the allegation. Curran, who is also known as Deborah Dalaba, was booked into the Warren County Jail and charged with evidence tampering. A charge of probation violation may also be pending. Tech Support Pits From: Jack Re: Make MediaPlayer stream videos Dear Webby, This should help with getting mediaPlayer to stream without stopping: Turn on streaming To turn on media streaming on your home network in Windows Media Player, do the following: Click the Start button , click All Programs, and then click Windows Media Player. If the Player is currently open and you're in Now Playing mode, click the Switch to Library button in the upper-right corner of the Player. Click Stream, and then click Turn on home media streaming. Turn on home media streaming won't be available on the Stream menu if streaming is already turned on. On the Media streaming options page, click Turn on media streaming. If you're prompted for an administrator password or confirmation, type the password or provide confirmation. Click OK. For more information about how to use media streaming, see Stream your media to devices and computers using Windows Media Player. Jack Thanks Jack! Provided somebody's Internet connection is fast enough, and provided that the site, that delivers the viseo is able to stream it fast enough, that should work. In those cases, where it won't, you can still revert to the old trick of pausing and waiting until the gray load bar has completed. There are also browser add-ons, that let you download videos so that you can play them off your computer, instead of over a shaky connection. For FireFox you can get one at http://add0n.com/youtube.html Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cutting Your Own Hair At Home I have been cutting my own hair for quite some time. First you need to invest in a good pair of scissors. I bought mine from a beauty shop supplier. I lean over and gather all my hair into a pony tail on top of my head and fasten it with an elastic band. I then stand up and trim the ends. Next I lean over again and put it in a pony tail at the back of my head. I then trim off the ends. I look at it the mirror and make sure the ends are even on both sides of my head. I then layer it using a comb to bring the hair up to the top of my head and trim the ends to different lengths. After this, I will trim the ends whenever I need to to keep it at the same length. By Laurie from Ontario, Canada Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

Writing Tips: Don't abbrev. About sentence fragments. Don't use no double negatives. Check to see if you any words out. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. Its important to use apostrophe's right. Don't use commas, that aren't necessary. A writer mustn't shift your point of view. It's better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive. Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct. A preposition isn't a good thing to end a sentence with. Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase. In letters compositions reports and things like that we use commas to keep a string of items apart. Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized. also a sentence should begin with a capital and end with a period Avoid clichés like the plague.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Latreesha reported for her university final exam which consisted of "true/false" type questions. She took her seat in the examination hall, stared at the question paper for five minutes. In a fit of inspiration, she took her purse out, removed a coin and started tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she was all done, whereas the rest of the class was still working furiously. During the last few minutes, she was seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approached her and asked what is going on. "I finished the exam in a half hour," she said. "Now I'm rechecking my answers, and half of them are wrong!"
» Big Dogs:


Today, Feb 10, in 
1763 - The Treaty of Paris ended the French and Indian War. 
   In the treaty France ceded Canada to England
1846 - Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day 
   Saints began their exodus to the west from Illinois.
1863 - The fire extinguisher was patented by Alanson Crane.
1879 - The electric arc light was used for the first time. 
1923 - Ink paste was manufactured for the first time by the
   Standard Ink Company. 
1962 - The Soviet Union exchanged capture American U2 pilot
  Francis Gary Powers for the Soviet spy Rudolph Ivanovich 
  Abel held by the U.S. 
1981 - The Las Vegas Hilton hotel-casino caught fire. 
   Eight people were killed and 198 were injured. 
1992 - Mike Tyson was convicted in Indianapolis of raping 
   Desiree Washington, Miss Black American contestant. 
1998 - Voters in Maine repealed a 1997 gay rights law. 
   Maine was the first state to abandone such legislation. 
2005 - North Korea publicly announced for the first time that 
  it has nuclear arms. 
2009 - A Russian and an American satellite collide over 
Siberia. 
2013  smiled


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How to make movies play without stopping and starting 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, February 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but none of them ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her. --- New York City detective Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything. --- Floyd Dell
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?" "Why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them." "Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy." "But why?" "Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to get the roughy. She prefers that for supper tonight."
A farmer and his recently hired hand were eating an early breakfast of biscuits and gravy, scrambled eggs, bacon and coffee that the farmer's wife had prepared for them. Thinking of all the work they had to get done that day, the farmer told the hired man he might as well go ahead and eat his dinner too. The hired man didn't say a word, but filled his plate a second time and proceeded to eat. After awhile the farmer said, "We've got so much work to do today, you might as well eat your supper now too." Again, the hired man didn't respond but refilled his plate a third time and continued to eat. Finally, after eating his third plate of food, the hired man pushed back his chair & began to take off his shoes. "What are you doing?" the farmer asked. The hired man replied, "I don't work after supper."
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Bartolo Gelsomino, 78, Kendall, Florida Jailed After Stabbing Wife To Death Because She Refused To Make Him A Hamburger Reported by The Weekly Vice Bartolo Gelsomino, a 78-year-old Kendall bonehead, was jailed after he allegedly stabbed his wife, 71-year-old Ana Gelsomino, to death because she refused to cook him a hamburger. According to Miami-Dade police, the couple's daughter called police after she reportedly discovered her mother's bloody corpse in the kitchen at their residence. While officers were at the scene, Mr. Gelsomino arrived at the residence with several blood stains on his shirt. Gelsomino's son told police that his father had a history of abusing both him and his mother. Investigators say a translator had to be called in because Gelsomino, a retiree born in Sicily, speaks mostly Italian. When Gelsomino was finally questioned, he admitted to stabbing his wife because she wouldn't make him a hamburger. He then led police to a trash bin at a nearby warehouse where they discovered knives and other evidence that had been used during the murder. Gelsomino was booked into the Miami-Dade County Jail on second-degree murder charges. He is scheduled to appear in court on February 11th. Tech Support Pits From: Hank Re: Problem with videos stopping Dear Webby, Thanks again for your ready help. I have always had trouble viewing videos that are sent me as a link or from Web pages. I have 4 MG RAM and a fast processor but I hardly ever get to watch a Video uninterrupted. Sometimes one on Facebook will play all the way through w/o stopping. Is there anything I can do to remedy this situation? Thanks! Hank Dear Hank Pause the video and let it load completely. When the faint loading bar has reached the right side, then play it. That way you are not limited by your Internet connection. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Pillows From T-Shirts Use an old favorite tee, by making a pillow out of it. Just buy or use a pillow form and make a cover by just sewing the t-shirt and matching material on 3 sides and inset pillow. Then handstitch the remaining seam. By Vickie from Lewes, DE Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
How To Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days! Write And Publish Your Own Profitable Ebook In 7 Days or less! With this book as your road map it is easy and fast. Get Write Your Own Ebook In 7 Days now!

Thanks to Dianne for this legend: Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food-preparation area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just WATCHING. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders, and they had an idea: They could sit on the boulders and watch! This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to the invention of the television. The smaller rocks tossed at the women soon became known as remotes!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Fred While at a marine-supply store stocking up on equipment for my boat, I also purchased an inflatable life preserver. "It was my wife's idea," I explained to the grizzled salesman at the counter. "She's buying it for me as a gift." "Lucky you," he said as he started to write up the order. "My wife got me a length of chain and a cement block."
» Harbin 2013


Today, Feb 7, in 
1569 King Philip II forms inquistion in South America
1795 The 11th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified.
1864 Federal troops occupy Jacksonville FL 
1904 In Baltimore, a fire raged for about 30 hours and 
   destroyed over 1,500 buildings.
1913 The Turks lost 5,000 men in a battle with the 
   Bulgarian army in Gallipoli.
1940 "Pinocchio" world premiered in Manhattan.
1943 The U.S. government announced that shoe rationing 
  would go into effect in two days.
1958 Dutch auto-transmission car DAF 600 introduced 
1962 The U.S. government banned all Cuban imports and 
  re-export of U.S. products to Cuba from other countries.
1971 Swiss men accept female suffrage 
1974 The nation of Grenada gained independence from Britain.
1976 Darryl Sittler (Toronto Maple Leafs) set a National 
  Hockey League (NHL) record when he scored 10 points in 
  a game against the Boston Bruins. He scored six goals 
  and four assists.
1984 Space shuttle astronauts Bruce McCandless II and 
  Robert L. Stewart made the first untethered space walk.
1985 "Sports Illustrated" released its annual swimsuit 
  edition. It was the largest regular edition in the 
  magazine’s history at 218 pages.
1986 Haitian President-for-Life Jean-Claude Duvalier 
  fled his country. 28 years of family rule ended.
1991 The Rev. Jean-Bertrand Aristide was sworn in as 
  Haiti's first democratically elected president.
1999 King Hussein of Jordan died. His son was sworn 
  in as king four hours after the announcement that 
  his father had died.
2001 Robert Pickett, 47, fired several shots at the 
  White House near the South Lawn. He was subdued 
  after being shot in the knee. No one else was hurt 
  in the incident.
2003 Nootka Sound, Sandra Bohn was cited for petting 
  a killer whale under the federal Fisheries Act. She 
  was later fined $74.
2013  smiled


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Wrong size font on web pages 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, February 6

Betty sent me this:
Hi Webby, have u ever heard this one before?  Just love it, 
they are great! such fun! TC, Betty
 
I don't think you'll ever hear this sung like this again!! 
what a hoot!! they are great!! tap your toes & enjoy!
  
Waltzing Matilda - ABORIGINAL VERSION
 You will love this version. TURN YOUR SPEAKERS ON LOUD!
Waltzing Matilda sung in Kriol, a mixture of local aboriginal dialect, pidgeon English and a smidgen of Chinese.
This is really good and entertaining . Listen for the pronunciation of sheep. It is very catchy.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Wg ... ;vq=medium
Betty

You will instantly forget all the lame and sad-ass renditions
that you have ever heard. 
This is how Waltzing Matilda SHOULD be sung and played!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. --- William Butler Yeats Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. --- Socratex Hell, there are no rules here-- we're trying to accomplish something. --- Thomas A. Edison
During a friendly argument, Jim asked his wife why she married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," she teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, she was surprised and requested an explanation. "Well, people get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."
Several women were visiting an elderly friend who was ill. After awhile, they rose to leave and told her; "We will keep you in our prayers." "Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Rhiannon Noell Stefanick, 23, Greenwich , CT Jailed for Beating His Conquests To The Ground With A Tire Iron Reported by The Weekly Vice Rhiannon Noell Stefanick, a 23-year-old Greenwich female was arraigned Tuesday after she allegedly knocked out a woman's teeth with a tire iron before fleeing the scene. According to police, officers were dispatched after receiving a report that a woman had just been attacked in front of Liberation House, a local drug treatment facility. Arriving officers found the victim, who had been beaten to the ground with her teeth knocked out. She was taken to a local hospital where she was treated for non-life threatening injuries. During questioning, the victim was forced to type her responses, because of her injuries. She told detectives that she began receiving threatening calls shortly after meeting a man the week before. On the day of the incident, a woman identified as Stefanick approached her with a tire iron and stated "I told you not to mess with my man." That's when Stefanick allegedly commenced with beating the victim. A witness at the scene reported that a car had been parked across the street from Liberation House for at least an hour prior to the attack. The victim later picked Stefanick out from a police line up. Stefanick was booked into jail and charged with first-degree felony assault. She was released after posting $25,000 bond. She is scheduled to appear in court on February 14th. Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: Fonts too big Dear Webby, Lately my page ( everything on the page has been bigger then usually, is there a way I can make it smaller? Thank your for your advise. Rose Dear Rose Hold down the CTRL key, and turn the scroll wheel on your mouse. Depending on which way you roll the wheel, the fonts will zoom larger or smaller. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Gardener Soap Put 3/4 cups of white sugar into a glass jar and add some dish soap. Then stir, you don't want it too runny. If it is, just add more sugar until you get the right consistency. Put a lid on it. You can use pink soap, it looks really nice. Great for gifts. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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The police recently busted a man selling ' secret formula' tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fifth time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud. He had earlier been arrested for the same thing in 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Driving along I-90, just west of Chicago, I passed a sign posted by the police department: "Report drivers using a cell phone. Call *99."
» Featured Creatures


Today, Feb 6, in 
1778 The United States got official recognition from France
1815 The state of New Jersey issued the first American railroad
  charter to John Stevens.
1899 U.S. Senate ratified  peace treaty between the U.S. 
   and Spain
1911 First old-age home for pioneers opened in Prescott, AZ.
1932 Dog sled racing happened for the first time in Olympic
  competition.
1952 Britain's King George VI died. His daughter, Elizabeth II,
  succeeded him.
1959 The U.S., for the first time, successfully test-fired a Titan
  intercontinental ballistic missile from Cape Canaveral.
1971 NASA Astronaut Alan B. Shepard used a six-iron that he 
  had brought inside his spacecraft and swung at three golf 
  balls on the surface of the moon.
1972 Over 500,000 pieces of irate mail arrived at the mail 
  room of CBS-TV, when word leaked out that an edited-for-TV 
  version of the X-rated movie, "The Demand," would be shown.
1999 King Hussein of Jordan transferred full political power 
  to his oldest son the Crown Prince Abdullah.
1999 Excerpts of former White House intern Monica Lewinsky's 
   videotaped testimony were shown at President Clinton's 
   impeachment trial.
2000 Russia's acting President Vladimir Putin announced 
   that Russian forces had captured Grozny, Chechnya. The 
   capital city had been under the control of Chechen rebels.
2001 Ariel Sharon was elected Israeli prime minister.
2002 A federal judge ordered John Walker Lindh to be held 
  without bail pending trial. Lindh was known as the 
  "American Taliban."
2013  smiled


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Program to fill out PDF forms 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, February 5.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"This year will go down in history. For the first time, a civilized nation has full gun registration. Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient and the world will follow our lead into the future" --- Adolph Hitler, 1935
A handyman was working for a Synagogue had asked for a raise and was turned down. He decided to quit and went out to look for work. First he went to a Catholic church and was told that in order to work there, he would have to answer one question. The priest asked, "Where was Jesus born"? The man answered, "Pittsburgh", and was thrown out. He then went to a Baptist church. The minister told him that in order to get a job there he would have to answer a question. He was asked, "Where was Jesus born"? The man answered, "Philadelphia". He was tossed out. Walking away he met the rabbi who was looking for him. The rabbi exclaimed, "The board approved your raise. Please come back immediately". The man said to the rabbi, "I will come back only if you answer a question. "Where was Jesus born"? The rabbi says, "Bethlehem". Cries the man. "I knew it was in Pennsylvania".
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted." The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than a $20, I wouldn't be eating here."
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Cindy Patriarchias, 33 and Edmond Gonzales, 37 in Albuquerque, New Mexico Boneheads Lock Disabled Child In Cage, Take The Rest Of The Family To A Movie Reported by The Weekly Vice Cindy Patriarchias, a 33-year-old Albuquerque female and her boyfriend, 37-year-old Edmond Gozales, were booked into jail Friday after they allegedly locked an 8-year-old disabled girl in a wooden cage while they took the rest of the family to see a movie. According to police, Patriarchias and Gonzales reportedly left the girl in a handmade wooden cage while they went to attend a movie with their three children at a local elementary school. Investigators say Patriarchias is attempting to adopt the victim, who suffers from microcephaly. The three other children are the couple's own biological children. Investigators say Patriarchias's estranged husband was at the school and called police after he discovered that the child had been left alone. When officers arrived at the couple's residence, they waited for about an hour for Patriarchias and Gonzales to arrive. Once the couple returned home, officers entered the residence and found the victim locked in a cage that measured 4 feet by 2 1/2 feet. One of the couple's children told investigators that the victim had been routinely placed in the cage as punishment for misbehaving. Another child told investigators that he offered to stay with the girl while the family was gone, because the victim was alseep and wouldn't know why the family was gone. The victim was removed from the residence and placed into protective custody. Patriarchias, who works as a lunch monitor at a local elementary school, was booked into jail and charged with negligently causing child abuse. She has also been terminated from her job, according to school officials. Gonzales was also jailed on charges of negligently permitting child abuse. They are both being held in lieu of $25,000 cash-only bond. Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: PDF to text Dear Webby I would like to be able to edit some PDF documents. Such as forms or documents. nothing copyrighted just some common documents. Thanks Dear Ron For that I use Nitro http://www.nitropdf.com/ The PRO version lets you convert stuff to WORD, but just for filling out Govt forms and signing them, before WINfaxing them back to the Govt., the free version works well enough. I don't bother converting to WORD or anything, I just click on "Typewriter" and "type" into the form. You can select fonts and sizes. Make a huge signature with a MarkAll and scan that, then reduce the size of it, sharpen it and make the background transparent, and save it as a GIF. Then you can insert your signature and make it look as good as if you had printed the form and signed it by hand. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Gardener Soap Put 3/4 cups of white sugar into a glass jar and add some dish soap. Then stir, you don't want it too runny. If it is, just add more sugar until you get the right consistency. Put a lid on it. You can use pink soap, it looks really nice. Great for gifts. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to acess the popular "Ask Jeeves" site, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it." As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "Where did I misplace my glasses?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson. She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for church. "Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other for yourself," she told the girl. Sunday, when they were coming out of the church, the mother asked her daughter which amount she had given. "Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give the dollar, but just before the collection the preacher said that God loves a cheerful giver. I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave button, that I found on the sidewalk, so I did."
» Wood-Chip Sculputres


Today, Feb 5, in 

1782 - The Spanish captured Minorca from the British.
1783 - Sweden recognized the independence of the United States.
1861 - Samuel Goodale patented the moving picture peep 
   show machine.
1881 - Phoenix, AZ, was incorporated.
1917 - The U.S. Congress passed the Immigration Act of 1917 
   (Asiatic Barred Zone Act) with an overwhelming majority. 
   The action overrode President Woodrow Wilson's veto.
1924 - The BBC time signals, or "pips", from Greenwich 
  Observatory were heard for the first time. They are 
  broadcast every hour.
1958 - Gamel Abdel Nasser was formally nominated to become 
   the first president of the United Arab Republic.
1988 - Panama's military leader, Gen. Manuel Antonio Noriega, 
   charged with of bribery and drug trafficking in Florida.
1997 - Switzerland's "Big Three" banks announced they would 
   create a $71 million fund for Holocaust victims and 
   their families.
1999 - Mike Tyson was sentenced to a year in jail for 
   assaulting two people after a car accident. Tyson was 
   also fined $5,000, had to serve 2 years of probation, 
   and had to perform 200 hours of community service 
   upon release.
2001 - Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman announced their separation.
2003 - U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell presented evidence 
   to the U.N. concerning Iraq's material breach of U.N. 
   Resolution 1441
2013  smiled


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How do you convert PDF to Text? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, February 4.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Teenaged boys already know everything. When a boy reaches 13 years of age, the Knowledge Fairy comes around and inserts into his brain all the information in the entire universe. From that point on, he no longer needs any parental guidance. All he needs is parental money." --- Dave Barry Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised. --- Marilyn Manson
A lady who was speeding had an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. "Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook." He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing non-stop. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of expensive perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife, who was too lazy to read the instructions on the package. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me Mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!"
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Timothy Bonner, 40, Burgettstown, Pa. Breaks Out Of Police Holding Cell, Flees To Local Bar For A Beer Reported by The Weekly Vice Timothy Bonner, a 40-year-old Pennsylvania bonehead, was jailed a second time after he allegedly escaped from a police holding cell, then stopped at a local bar to brag about his escape. According to Burgettstown Police, Bonner was placed in a police holding cell after his arrest on an assault charge. At some point Bonner freed himself from his handcuffs, knocked the cell door off its hinges and fled the jail. Officers at the station heard a loud noise, however, Bonner was long gone by the time they realized what had transpired. Investigators say Bonner made a quick stop at a house to borrow a pair of shoes before pressing onward to a local bar. Witnesses at the bar say Bonner bragged about his escape and then asked for a beer. A customer purchased a drink for Bonner, however, however, somebody called the cops and police arrived on the scene before he had a chance to drink his beer. Bonner was booked into the Washington County Jail on the original assault charge and additional charges are pending. Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: PDF to text Dear Webby Hi Webby hope all is well with your eyes. I need a free program to convert PDF to WORD. All kinds of them out there to convert WORD to PDF but I cannot find a free program to convert from PDF to Word or DOC. Seems like they got that locked up Thanks as always. Dear Ron PDF is basically a print-to-file graphic. To make it editable, it has to be run through an OCR text recognition program, that converts characters it recognizes into letters. OCR has come a long way and nowadays recognizes characters in many fonts, as long as they are not jumbled like in those nuisance Captcha verification modules used to make sure a form submission is made by a human and not a script. eBooks also often have "spoilers" built in, to prevent guys like you from running an eBook through an OCR, and changing a few words and the author's name, and selling it, competing with the real author. There are programs that let you mess with PDF files, for example filling in forms. They are usually not true OCR programs, but just very basic graphics programs with just the text modules. You basically write a text into a picture, like when I write the copyright of the photographer into a picture, when I know who took it. And then there are a very few true OCR type PDF to text converters, however, none of them are free. Most of them have a free form filler version, but for the professional converter, you have to pay. What exactly are you trying to do? Have FUN! DearWebby Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cabinet Door Chalkboard I never had a place to make a note and could never find a pen and paper when I needed it. I purchased some chalk paint at Home Depot. I taped off a section on a pantry cabinet I have and spray painted the section with the chalk paint. I actually did 2 light coats and used a sponge brush to smooth it over. It's very easy to use, the craft stores have a brush on chalk paint that you can buy. It dried fast and looks really nice. Now I always have a place for a note or I can write a cute message for my husband on it. By Jill from Blue Bell, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Please Vote at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Register and set your favorites, so that you can conveniently vote for each of the newsletters, that deserve your vote, all in one place, without having to go there separately for each.
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A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Jill for this: Working as a court reporter, I hear to a lot of testimony that you won't hear on LAW AND ORDER, including the following give-and-take between the judge and a mother during a paternity suit. Judge: "Was the child born out of wedlock?" Mother: "No, sir, just outside of Louisville."
» Dim Sum 2013


Today, Feb 4, in 
1783 - Britain declared a formal cessation of hostilities 
  with its former colonies, the United States of America.
1789 - Electors unanimously chose George Washington to be 
   the first president of the United States.
1824 - J.W. Goodrich introduced rubber galoshes to the public.
1847 - In Maryland, the first U.S. Telegraph Company was 
   established.
1904 - The Russo-Japanese War began after Japan laid siege 
   to Port Arthur.
1913 - Louis Perlman received a patent for his demountable 
   tire-carrying rims.
1936 - Radium E. became the first radioactive substance to be 
   produced synthetically.
1945 - During World War II, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, 
   British Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet leader 
   Josef Stalin began a conference at Yalta to outline plans 
   for Germany's defeat.
1957 - Smith-Corona Manufacturing Inc., of New York, began 
  selling portable electric typewriters. The first machine 
  weighed 19 pounds.
1968 - The world's largest hovercraft was launched at Cowes, 
   Isle of Wight.
1973 - The Reshef was unveiled as Israel's missile boat.
1974 - Patricia (Patty) Hearst was kidnapped in Berkeley, CA, 
   by the Symbionese Liberation Army.
1993 - Russian scientists unfurled a giant mirror in orbit 
   and flashed a beam of sunlight across Europe during the night. 
   Observers saw it only as a momentary flash.
1997 - A civil jury in California found O.J. Simpson liable 
   in the death of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and 
   Ron Goldman. Goldman's parents were awarded $8.5 million 
   in compensatory damages.
1998 - In northeast Afghanistan, at least 5,000 people were 
   killed in an earthquake that measured 6.1 on the Richter 
   Scale.
1999 - Warplanes from Israel attacked south Lebanon just 
   after rockets were fired toward Israel. No casualies 
   were claimed on either side.
2000 - Austrian President Thomas Klestil swore in a coalition 
   government that included Joerg Haider's far-right Freedom 
   Party. European Union sanctions were a result of the action.
2003 - Yugoslavia was formally dissolved by lawmakers. 
   The country was replaced with a loose union of its remaining 
   two republics, Serbia and Montenegro. 
2013  smiled


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Where to find the Missing DLLs 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, February 3.
Happy Chinese New Year-The Year of the Hare/Rabbit!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The smaller the mind the greater the conceit. --- Aesop (620 BC - 560 BC) When you are not physically starving, you have the luxury to realize psychic and emotional starvation. --- Cherrie Moraga There are a terrible lot of lies going around the world, and the worst of it is half of them are true. --- Sir Winston Churchill Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. --- Woody Allen ------- Now, if the Senate got organized,...
>Thanks to Erin for this: We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start a baby boomer from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me." By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?" "No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car."
Soon after our high-tech company moved into a new building, we had trouble with the elevators. A manager got stuck between floors and, after some door banging, finally attracted attention. His name was taken and rescue promised. It took two hours before the elevator mechanic arrived and got the manager out. When he returned to his desk, he found this note from his efficient secretary: "The elevator people called and will be here in two hours."
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to DaNita Wilson, 32, Folkston, Ga. Teacher jailed for screwing 7 or more gossipy students Reported by Sailor DaNita Wilson, a 32-year-old math teacher at Charlton County High School, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly had sex with at least 7 students over the past year. According to the Georgia Bureau of Investigations, detectives began pursuing the case on Monday after school administrators received a tip about the alleged sexual affairs and notified authorities. Investigators say Wilson engaged in sexual relationships with at least six 16-year-old male students and one 15 year-old male student. All of the victims reportedly attended Charlton High School, but it is not known how many of the students Wilson actually taught. The investigation is still in its early stages, and authorities caution that more victims might be identified as the investigation continues. Wilson, who is married with two children, turned herself into authorities after she learned that she was under investigation. She has since issued a letter to the school, tendering her resignation. Wilson was booked into the Charlton County Jail and charged with seven counts of sexual assault on a child. She was released after posting a $35,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Evita Re: Need DLL's Dear Webby On a recent cleaning spree my well meaning hubby deleted some DLL files that are needed by programs. Where can I download them from? Thanks Evita Dear Evita Try the DllDump. They have a ton of free DLLs and INI and OCX files: http://www.dlldump.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Money by Organizing Your Refrigerator Always add a label with the date a product was opened to insure freshness. If you do not plan to use leftovers right away, immediately freeze them for future use. Once a week empty the fridge prior to grocery shopping so that you do not purchase something that you already have, while empty wipe the inside clean before returning food to the fridge. Keep a check list on your computer (I use excel) of all the most frequently used items so that you can highlight when they are needed. By Donnaschmitt215 from Glendale, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog's death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said, "I'll go right now. Do you think $5,000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick: "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 10 yards farther than I could my last ones."
» Super Bowl Ads 2013


Today, Feb 2, in 
1377 Mass execution of population of Cesena Italy
1576 Henry of Navarre (future Henry IV) escapes from Paris
1690 1st paper money in America issued (colony of Massachusetts)
1743 Philadelphia establishes a "pesthouse" to quarantine 
   immigrants
1752 Dutch States-General forbid export of windmills
1783 Spain recognizes US independence
1815 World's 1st commercial cheese factory established, 
   in Switzerland
1894 1st US steel sailing vessel, Dirigo, launched, Bath ME
1908 Supreme Court rules a union boycott violates Sherman Antitrust Act
1913 16th Amendment, federal income tax, ratified
1913 Golden/Cawthorne's musical "Sunshine Girl" premieres in New York NY
1915 Turkish & German army reach Suez Canal
1916 Canada's original Parliament building, in Ottawa, burns
1916 Tristan Tzar publishes Dada-manifest in Zurich Switzerland
1917 US liner Housatonic sunk by German sub & diplomatic 
   relations severed
1930 Vietnamese Communistic Party forms
1931 Arkansas legislature passes motion to pray for soul 
  of H L Mencken after he calls the state the "apex of moronia"
1933 German minister Göring bans social-democratic newspaper Vorwärts
1942 1st Japanese air raid on Java
1945 Almost 1000 Flying Fortresses drop 3000 tons of bombs
   on Berlin
1947 -81ºF (-63ºC), Snag Yukon (North American record)
1950 Nuclear physicist Klaus Fuchs arrested on spy charges
1962 President Kennedy bans all trade with Cuba except for food & drugs
1965 Orbiting Solar Observatory 2 launches into Earth orbit (552/636 km)
1966 1st operational weather satellite, ESSA-1 launched (US)
1966 1st soft landing on the Moon (Soviet Luna 9)
1984 1st baby conceived by embryo transplant born in Long Beach CA
1993 Federal trial of 4 police officers charged with civil 
  rights violations in videotaped beating of Rodney King 
  begins in Los Angeles CA
1994 President Bill Clinton lifts US trade embargo against Vietnam
1998 Mary Kay LeTourneau, 36, former teacher, violates probation 
   with 14 year-old father of her baby
1998 Stamps commemorating Princess Diana go on sale across 
Britain
1998 US military plane clips cable car lines in northern Italy, 
kills 20
2013  smiled


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Address in the "TO:" line 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, February 2.
Happy groundhog Day!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him. --- Henry Stimson (1867 - 1950) No one can build his security upon the nobleness of another person. --- Willa Cather Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend. --- Marcel Achard
Ever mindful of the congregation, the Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog, and knew that the dog also had to be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's "PENTECOSTAL!"
A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, lo and behold, he lost his wallet and all identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempts to make his way home but is stopped by a cute female Customs Agent at the border. "May I see your identification, please?" asks the agent. "I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet at the beach," replies the guy. "Sure, buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border," says the agent. "But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaims. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one butt cheek and a picture of Richard Nixon on the other." "This I gotta see," replies the agent. With that, Joe drops his pants and bends over in front of the agent. "By golly, you're right!" she exclaims. "Go on home to Boston." "Thanks!" he says. "But how did you know I was from Boston?" The agent replies, "I recognized the picture of Ted Kennedy's nose and baggy jowls in the middle."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jason Archer, 36, Tennessee Shoplifter wears a smile from being hit with the Ugly Stick Reported by The Weekly Vice Jason Archer 36, was arrested Friday evening after allegedly trying to shoplift nearly $1200 in merchandise from a Walmart. Archer, who was initially detained by store security, sought to flee when cops approached. Archer struggled with, -and attempted to strike-, officers, according to a criminal complaint. However, based on Archer’s mug shot, the cops appeared more adept at landing their blows. Looks like a typical drum solo with the Ugly Stick and the big flashlight. As a result, Archer was left with head wounds in a pattern that recalls Walmart’s old smiley face symbol. Archer spent four days in jail before bonding out this morning. He is scheduled for a February 4 appearance in General Sessions court. Tech Support Pits From: C Re: Address in the TO line Dear Webby I have a question about email. I always send email from the 'To:' with my own address in there and then all copies to others go in the 'Bcc:' . My question is does there always have to be and address in the 'To:' area, or is it ok to send it with all addresses in the 'Bcc:' and leave the other blank? Would it cause a problem? Thanks for all of your help and humor over the years! I so look forward to your letter apprearing everyday in my email....keep up the great work, and stay healthy and happy. C Dear C Most email programs require that you have something in the "TO:" line. However, even if you can get away with leaving the "TO:" line blank, that would just make you look like an amateur spammer. Better put some address into the "TO:" line, preferably your own or make one up, like "From C to my herd of friends" <.c@mydomain.com"> or something like that. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Money by Organizing Your Refrigerator Always add a label with the date a product was opened to insure freshness. If you do not plan to use leftovers right away, immediately freeze them for future use. Once a week empty the fridge prior to grocery shopping so that you do not purchase something that you already have, while empty wipe the inside clean before returning food to the fridge. Keep a check list on your computer (I use excel) of all the most frequently used items so that you can highlight when they are needed. By Donnaschmitt215 from Glendale, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
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A Japanese tourist hailed a taxi in downtown Chicago and asked to be taken out to O'Hare Airport. On the way, a car zoomed by and the tourist responded, "Ohhh!!! TOYOTA!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" Not too long after, another car flew by the taxi. "Ohh!!! NISSAN!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" Yet another zipped by, "Ohh!!! Mitsubishi!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" The taxi driver, complete 100% American, was starting to get a little miffed that the Japanese made cars were passing his Chevy, when yet another car passed the taxi right as they were turning into the airport. "Ohh!!! Honda!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" The taxi driver stopped the car, pointed to the meter, and said, "that'll be $150." "$150? It was so short a ride! Why so much?" "Taxi Meter. Made in Japan. Very fast."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Evelyn My husband and I took our two-year-old daughter to the home -improvement store. Madison got tired of walking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders. As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair. Although he asked her to stop several times, she kept on. Getting annoyed, he scolded, "Madison! Stop that!" "But, Daddy," she replied, "I'm just trying to get my gum back."
» All About Phil


Today, Feb 2, in 
0506 King Alarik II of Visigoten delegates Lex Romania 
0962 Pope John XII crowns German King Otto I the Great Emperor
1141 Battle at Lincoln King Stephen captured
1536 Pedro de Mendoza finds the Argentine city of Buenos Aires
1653 New Amsterdam becomes a city (later New York NY)
1811 Russian settlers establish Fort Ross trading post, 
   north of San Francisco
1848 1st shipload of Chinese arrive in San Francisco
1848 Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo ends Mexican War; 
  US acquires Texas, California, New Mexico & Arizona 
  for $15 million
1863 Samuel Clemens becomes Mark Twain for 1st time
1869 James Oliver invents the removable tempered steel plow blade
1880 SS Strathleven arrives in London with 1st Australian 
  frozen mutton
1882 Knights of Columbus forms in New Haven CT
1892 Longest boxing match under modern rules; 77 rounds in 
  Nameoki, Illinois between Harry Sharpe & Frank Crosby
1892 Bottle cap with cork seal patented by William Painter (Baltimore)
1893 1st movie close-up (of a sneeze), Edison studio, West Orange NJ
1920 France occupies (German) Memel territory
1923 Ethyl (grain) gasoline 1st marketed, Dayton OH
1925 Dogsleds reach Nome with emergency diphtheria serum 
  after 1000-km run (Iditiarod route)
1931 1st use of a rocket to deliver mail (Austria)
1932 Geneva disarmament conference begins with 60 countries
1932 Al Capone sent to prison (Atlanta GA)
1933 2 days after becoming chancellor, Adolf Hitler dissolves Parliament
1933 Göring bans communist meetings/demonstrations in Germany
1935 Lie detector 1st used in court (Portage WI)
1942 Los Angeles Times urges security measures against Japanese-Americans
1942 US auto factories switch from commercial to war production
1943 Battle of Stalingrad ends with final surrender of the German army, 
   turning point of WWII
1957 Liz Taylor's 3rd marriage (Mike Todd)
1957 UN adopts a resolution calling for Israeli troops to leave Egypt
1971 Idi Amin ousts Milton Obote to become dictator of Uganda
1977 Radio Shack officially begins creating the TRS-80 computer
1977 Burn up of Salyut 4 Space Station (USSR)
1993 Frito Lay pays court ordered $2,500,000 to Tom Waits for using his song, "Step Right Up"
1998 Philippine DC-9 crashes apparently killing all 104 on board 
2013  smiled


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