Shut down or Hibernate? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, March 31.
Still snowing. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Florida man who unleashed road rage, prompting the universe to respond appropriately Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the first spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conver- sationalist is one who talks to you about yourself. --- Lisa Kirk
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We were listening to a lecture on psychic phenomena in our Comparative Religions course. Our instructor told us about a woman who contacted police working on a missing-persons case. "She gave eerily detailed instructions on where to find the body," the teacher said. "In fact, the detectives did find the body just as she had described. Now what would you call that kind of person?" While the rest of us pondered the question, a sheriff's officer taking the course raised his hand and replied, "A suspect."
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His wife had just bought a new line of expensive cosmetics absolutely guaranteed to make her looks years longer. She sat in front of the mirror for what had to be hours applying the "miracle" products. Finally, when she was done, she turned to her husband and said, "Hon, honestly now, what age would you say I am?" He nodded his head in assessment, and carefully said, "Well, hon, judging from your skin, twenty. Your hair, mmmm, eighteen. Your figure, twenty-five." "Oh, you're so sweet!" "Well, hang on, I'm not done adding it up yet."
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Yesterday's Bonehead: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeffrey Travis White, Tampa, Floriduh Florida Man Unleashes Road Rage, Universe Responds Appropriately From the Huff Post After a minute of nonstop tailgating by a huge truck, the woman in this video, identified only as "Florida Driver," is passed by the vehicle, whose driver flips her the bird and yells an unintelligible insult. "I couldn't move over because there were trucks in the right lane," Florida Driver writes in the video description, "and I sure as heck wasn't going to speed on a rainy day with the roads being as slick as they were." The videographer, who says she was driving in Tampa, writes that she never mouthed off at the guy, didn't brake check him, and -- except for holding up her phone -- was paying attention to the road. Shortly after flipping the bird, the driver of the truck loses control of his vehicle, spins across a median and through oncoming traffic (though no one was hit). He comes to a rest only after taking out a light pole. According to Florida Driver, "He initially fled the scene of the accident, but thanks to this video he has been caught and charged." In a release obtained by The Huffington Post, Florida Highway Patrol confirmed the driver, identified as Jeffrey Travis White, was later charged with leaving the scene of a traffic crash. "Using information contained in the video provided by the witness, State Troopers located White at his Tampa residence and arrested him for Leaving the Scene of a Traffic Crash, Careless Driving and failing to wear his seatbelt," the FHP release notes. Looks like the only injury was to the light pole, his truck and wallet. And probably his insurance premium. The video is at Instant Karma Tech Support Pits From: Roland Re: Hibernate Laptop Dear Webby, Recall you saying not to shut down lap tops. To put them in Hibernate. Question is will one get the updates. When I was shutting down every now and then I was advised to not shut down or unplug the computer I put my Desk on Hibernate. Roland Der Roland Nothing happens while the computer is in "Hibernate" mode. Just set the update mode to "Ask, but don't install" Then you get prompted to download the installs, and can pick and choose which ones you want. If the update requires a reboot, it will tell you, but you can stall that to a more convenient time. The reason not to completely shut down is to keep the modem warm and your connection alive. If you have a static (permanent) IP number, that is not really critical, but if you have a dynamic one, it can make quite a difference. You can configure hibernation to shut down the hard drive and monitor, and require a password when you wake it up. It is ALMOST shut down that way, but starts up a LOT faster than if you had shut it off. It cuts down on the cussing. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Silica Packets in Bathroom I like to keep silica packets in the bathroom. There is more moisture there than anywhere in your house. You know how sometimes the drawers in your vanity or under the sink storage area gets kind of musty smelling? Keep a few of the little packets in there to control dampness and odor. By golfgranny58 [2] Keep in mind that those cute little Silica packets are made to keep ONE camera or phone dry, ONCE, during initial shipping, not a drawer or vanity in a steamy bathroom, day after day. If you can't arrange for adequate ventilation, use some kitty litter or cake pans filled with sawdust. You can dry those out in the oven and re-use them. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Ed My wife and I were dining out at a nice restaurant. I overheard the couple at the next table discussing their bill. "Well Mary," said the man, "Near as I can figure, based of the price of the ham dinner you just ate, we got a hog back on the farm that's worth at least $137,000."

» Rare & Exotic Stamps

Today in 
1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the 
 Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to convert 
 to Christianity.
1779 Russia and Turkey signed a treaty concerning military 
 action in Crimea.
1831 Quebec and Montreal were incorporated as cities.
1854 The U.S. government signed the Treaty of Kanagawa with 
 Japan. The act opened the ports of Shimoda and Hakotade 
 to American trade.
1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely 
 illuminated with electric light.
1889 In Paris, the Eiffel Tower officially opened.
1900 In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing 
 the workday for women and children to 11 hours.
1901 In Russia, the Czar lashed out at Socialist-Revolutionaries 
 with the arrests of 72 people and the seizing of two 
 printing presses.
1904 In India, hundreds of Tibetans were slaughtered by 
 the British.
1905 Kaiser Wilhelm arrived in Tangier proclaiming to support 
 for an independent state of Morocco.
1908 250,000 coal miners in Indianapolis, IN, went on strike 
 to await a wage adjustment.
1909 Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina.
1917 The U.S. purchased and took possession of the Virgin 
 Islands from Denmark for $25 million.
1918 For the first time in the U.S., Daylight Saving Time 
 went into effect.
1921 Great Britain declared a state of emergency because of 
 the thousands of coal miners on strike.
1932 The Ford Motor Co. debuted its V-8 engine.
1933 The U.S. Congress authorized the Civilian Conservation 
 Corps to relieve rampant unemployment.
1939 Britain and France agreed to support Poland if Germany 
 threatened invasion.
1941 Germany began a counter offensive in North Africa.
1946 Monarchists won the elections in Greece.
1948 The Soviets in Germany began controlling the Western 
 trains headed toward Berlin.
1949 Winston Churchill declared that the A-bomb was the 
 only thing that kept the U.S.S.R. from taking over Europe.
1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as 
 its 10th province.
1958 The U.S. Navy formed the atomic submarine division.
1966 An estimated 200,000 anti-war demonstrators march 
 in New York City.
1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the 
 first spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit.
1980 U.S. President Carter deregulated the banking industry.
1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, four of five Indonesian terrorists 
 were killed after hijacking an airplane on March 28.
1986 167 people died when a Mexicana Airlines Boeing 727 
 crashed in Los Angeles.
1989 Canada and France signed a fishing rights pact.
1991 Iraqi forces recaptured the northern city of Kirkuk 
 from Kurdish guerillas.
1994 "Nature" magazine announced that a complete skull of 
 Australppithecus afarensis had been found in Ethiopia. The 
 finding is of humankind's earliest ancestor.
1998 U.N. Security Council imposed arms embargo on Yugoslavia.
2000 In Uganda, officials set the number of deaths linked to 
 a doomsday religious cult, the Movement for the Restoration 
 of the Ten Commandments, at more than 900. 
2004 Google Inc. announced that it would be introducing a 
 free e-mail service called Gmail.
2014  smiled.


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What to do when computer stalls on Facebook 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, March 30.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Jersey man who dumped in police car then ate own finger. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field. --- Niels Bohr (1885 - 1962)
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One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that a little girl does something wrong and makes her mommy cry or makes her unhappy, one of her hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and said: "You muft have really piffed off Grandma a lot!"
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>From Donna Upon retiring from the service, my husband, Don, needed a new ID card showing he had gone from active duty to retire- ment status. But the photo taken of him was not particularly good. And he wasn't at all quiet about it. "If I have to carry that ID around with me for the rest of my life," he complained to the photographer, "I want a better picture." "Want a better picture?" asked the photographer defiantly. "Then bring us a better face!"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jargget Washington, 29, Jersey City, NJ Read more at http://www.dreamindemon.com/2012/10/24/ ... Gjlk8sL.99 Jersey man who dumped in police car then ate own finger. Reported by Nikki From the Huff Post Jaggert Washington, pictured in a prior booking photo, allegedly swallowed his own finger after defecating in the back of a police cruiser. Authorities say they found Jargget Washington, 29, nude and belligerent at a Jersey City intersection around 8:00 p.m. on Sunday night. He allegedly "tried pulling a driver out of a car," but the driver managed to fight back, according to the New York Daily News. Police restrained Washington and transferred him to Jersey City Medical Center, where he became increasingly uncontrollable. Washington reportedly spat at officers and chewed on his own wrists, devouring his medical bracelet. Following the evaluation, Washington -- still dressed in a hospital gown -- reportedly defecated in the back seat of a police car as authorities transported him to the Hudson County Jail, the Jersey Journal reports. Once at the jail, Washington chewed off his own finger and swallowed it, according to CBS New York. Washington's questionable snack prompted authorities to return him to the Jersey City Medical Center for re-evaluation. Police suspect that Washington may have taken PCP. New Jersey records show that police arrested Washington twice between 2007 and 2009 on charges surrounding conspiracy to distribute drugs on school property. Washington is charged with carjacking, throwing bodily fluids at law enforcement officers and being under the influence of a controlled dangerous substance. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Computer locks up on Facebook Dear Webby, just got on face book and am having troubles, it causes my computer to lock up and I get not responding notice. I am using XP and IE, I plan on getting a new computer later this year after the fiber-optic line and system is up and running here along the North Shore of Lake Superior in Two Harbors,MN. I was told I could change to Google Chrome and that could help, my question will it help and if I do change will I lose everything in my favorites file and can I switch that and other files over ?? Thanks for any help, read your letter every morning and have learned a lot from it. Jim Dear Jim It is probably just IE choking on some animation. Use CrapCleaner from my ToolBox at http://webby.com/tools. If that does not help use FixCleaner. I doubt that you would be happy with Chrome, but Firefox works very well. That is why more people use FireFox than all other browsers together. Don't be in any rush getting rid of your XP. You will NOT like Windows 8. Guaranteed! The switch from XP to W8 is too bog. XP was a "Get your work done and enjoy it" type OS, while W8 is apparently focused on being weird and forcing you to read instructions. You have to hunt down tips on forums. Forget about getting any work done in the first three months on W8. At least keep the good ol XP on the side. I have heard from a number of people that if you want to get some work done, switch to Linux, just like industry and commerce has done. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Toothpick as Temporary Eyeglass Screw Did you lose the screw from your eyeglasses? Here is a temporary solution to give you time to get to the optical store. Use a toothpick to hold the arm of your glasses on, so you can still wear them. Just poke the pick in the hole and break of ends of pick showing. It works great. In fact, I used it on my sunglasses and forgot for a while that it was there. :) By Sheila [61] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Inez Just after Christmas I received a rather general thank-you note from my sister for the present I had sent her. However, her next letter in mid-March explained that upon receiving my gift, a well taped box of chocolates, she had immediately put it in the freezer because she had already gained about six pounds that Christmas and wanted to avoid temptation. One day in March, having lost the excess weight and craving a chocolate, she went to the freezer, mouth watering in anticipation, opened the box, and discovered the frozen black sequined evening purse I had given her.

» Bunnies & Hares

Today in 
1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of Aragon.
1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched 
into Paris.
1822 Florida became a U.S. territory.
1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation while 
 his patient was anesthetized by ether.
1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri 
 invaded the territory of Kansas and forced the election of 
 a pro-slavery legislature. It was the first election in 
 Kansas.
1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil.
1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million
1870 Texas was readmitted to the Union.
1903 Revolutionary activity in the Dominican Republic 
 brought U.S. troops to Santo Domingo to protect 
 American interests.
1905 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt was chosen to mediate 
 in the Russo-Japanese peace talks.
1909 The Queensboro bridge in New York opened linking 
 Manhattan and Queens. First double decker bridge.
1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against 
 meager pay for government jobs.
1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison 
 in Mexico.
1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 
 38 warships.
1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called 
 Manchuko in Nanking, China.
1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel 
 began its first offensive against British forces in Libya.
1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines.
1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded Austria after World War II.
1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive 
 the Nazi party in Frankfurt.
1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced.
1972 The British government assumed direct rule over 
 Northern Ireland.
1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese 
 troops crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the 
 northern portion of South Vietnam.
1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon 
 South Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation.
1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded 
 in Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police 
 officers and Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded.
1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" was bought for 
 $39.85 million.
1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal.
2002 An unmanned U.S. spy plane crashed at sea in the 
 Southern Philippines.
2002 Suspected Islamic militants set off several grenades 
 at a temple in Indian-controlled Kashmir. Four civilians, 
 four policemen and two attackers were killed and 20 
 people were injured.
2014  smiled.


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Computer power cords 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 29.

Thank you Farren!

>From Dorothy at AKwildlife.com
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
I, too, have been having trouble finding the cursor. 
I read your latest Humor newsletter, made the adjustment, 
and WOW!!!! LOVE IT!

Thanks so much for solving an annoying little problem!!! 
=D>

You're the BEST!
Dorothy

You are most welcome, Dorothy!

I got a stainless steel thermos travel cup with a picture
of a wolf on it from Dorothy about 15 years ago and my dad 
used it every year on our cactus safaris. He is getting too
old to put up with the airport hassles, but the cup is still
in great shape. If you need a pretty, but useful and lasting
gift, go check out Dorothy's sites.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Drunk Motorist Was Wearing Pants As Shirt When Found Passed Out At Wheel Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988)
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A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies. On the sixth hole he proceeds to splash five balls in a row into the water. Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, and about ready to hit somebody, he heaves his golf clubs into the water, and begins to walk off the course. Then all of a sudden he turns around and jumps back in the lake, his buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve his clubs. When he comes out of the water he doesn't have his clubs and begins to walk off the course. One of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?" He responds, "I left my car keys in the bag."
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Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, waiting for you to come home," she said. "What an example of devotion," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answered, caressing her marble rolling pin, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door."
Click on the picture for the large version Lynx at Banff
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anna Areola-Hernandez, 23, Phoenix, AZ Drunk Motorist Was Wearing Pants As Shirt When Found Passed Out At Wheel An intoxicated Indiana man found passed out in the driver’s seat of his car was in his underwear, had on one sock, and was wearing his pants like a shirt, cops report. Bryan Hill, 24, was behind the wheel of a 2013 Honda yesterday when police found the vehicle blocking traffic, according to an Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department report. As detailed by a cop, Hill, seen in the adjacent mug shot, was “wearing only a t-shirt, underwear and one sock.” The officer added that Hill “did have pants on, but they were on his arms. Both arms were inserted into the legs of his jeans.” Hill was arrested around 4 AM Sunday for public intoxication and obstructing traffic. Hill is locked up without bond in the Marion County jail due to a hold from another county. He is scheduled to appear in court tomorrow morning. Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Computer power cords Dear Webby, Are powercords interchangeable? My friend gave his computer to check out, but forgot to give me his power cord. Could I use my power cord instead? I have a cord for a 350V power supply and the power supply for his computer is 250V. Would be okay to switch out power cords? Thanks, Chris Dear Chris yes, sure! Power cords are standard. If you can stuff it into the socket, it will work. Since your household voltage is 110 Volt, it's nice that the cord doesn't start leaking and drooling electrons onto the carpet until 250V or 350V, but any rating from 110V and up is fine. Power cords that have a female plug that looks like this one, and have a male plug that fits the wall socket, can be safely used anywhere in the world. The power supply often has a little red slide switch, sometimes covered with tape, that lets you select the voltage of your country. But if the cord fits, use it. HOWEVER! Keep in mind, that I am only talking about power cords, not Laptop of Notebook powersupplies or chargers. Except in Europe, those are not interchangeable, and using the wrong one can cause very expensive damage, especially on Toshibas. Always make 100% sure that chargers are not mixed up and not left behind in any hotel. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Determining if Spices are Still Good If you find yourself debating on whether to use a spice that doesn't have an expiration date, try these methods to see if they are still good: Look to see if the color is still vibrant. If the spice appears faded, there is a good chance the flavor has faded too. Put a little of the spice in your hand and crush or rub it. If the aroma is no longer strong and the flavor is weak, it is time to buy a new one. Here are a few tips to help keep your spices fresh and usable: Always store herbs and spices in a tightly sealed container. Keep them away from heat, moisture, and direct sunlight. Remember to reseal the container immediately after use. Use a dry measuring spoon and don't sprinkle spices over a steaming pot. This will help prevent caking, which is caused by moisture. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 78." The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 78. How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." The man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."

» SilkWorms

Today in 
1461 Edward IV secured his claim to the English throne by 
 defeating Henry VI’s Lancastrians at the battle of Towdon.
1638 First permanent European settlement in Delaware was 
 established.
1847 U.S. troops under General Winfield Scott took 
 possession of the Mexican stronghold at Vera Cruz.
1848 Niagara Falls stopped flowing for one day due to an 
 ice jam.
1867 The British Parliament passed the North America Act 
 to create the Dominion of Canada.
1901 The first federal elections were held in Australia.
1903 A regular news service began between New York and 
 London on Marconi's wireless.
1906 In the U.S., 500,000 coal miners walked off the job 
 seeking higher wages.
1936 Italy firebombed the Ethiopian city of Harar.

1941 The British sank five Italian warships off the 
 Peloponnesus coast in the Mediterranean.
1943 In the U.S. rationing of meat, butter and cheese 
 began during World War II.
1951 The Chinese reject MacArthur's offer for a truce 
 in Korea.
1951 In the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg 
 were convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage. 
 They were executed in June 19, 1953.
1962 Cuba opened the trial of the Bay of Pigs invaders.
1967 France launched its first nuclear submarine.
1971 Lt. William Calley Jr., of the U.S. Army, was found 
 guilty of the premeditated murder of at least 22 Vietnamese 
 civilians. He was sentenced to life imprisonment. The trial 
 was the result of the My Lai massacre in Vietnam on March 
 16, 1968.
1971 A jury in Los Angeles recommended the death penalty 
 for Charles Manson and three female followers for the 1969 
 Tate-La Bianca murders. The death sentences were later 
 commuted to live in prison.
1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam.

1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first 
 spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. It had been 
 launched on November 3, 1973.
1975 Egyptian president Anwar Sadat declared that he 
 would reopen the Suez Canal on June 5, 1975.
1987 Hulk Hogan took 11 minutes, 43 seconds to pin Andre 
 the Giant in front of 93,136 Wrestlemania III fans at the 
 Silverdome in Pontiac, MI.
1992 Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton said 
 "I didn't inhale and I didn't try it again" in reference 
 to when he had experimented with marijuana. Nobody believed
 him and voted for him anyway.
1993 The South Korean government agreed to pay financial 
 support to women who had been forced to have sex with 
 Japanese troops during World War II.
2004 Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, 
 Slovakia and Slovenia became members of NATO.
2014  smiled.


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Fix a hard to find cursor 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, March 28.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


It is snowing. Really christmassy outside.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Arizona woman posing as a teen and infecting a teen with STD. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A Democrat is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other. --- Socratex
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>From Roland I returned to my parents' home to attend a funeral. At the temple, my mother led me to a man who looked vaguely familiar. "Barbara, remember Rabbi Green?" she asked as she left me in his company. I frantically tried to place him, and suddenly it came to me. He was the kind man who, five years earlier, had officiated at my grandmother's funeral. "It's good to see you again, Rabbi," I said, "though I wish it weren't always under such tragic circumstances." The rabbi looked perplexed but uttered some words of consolation before he was called away. A few minutes later, I rejoined my mother. "Imagine," she whispered, "after all this time, to run into the rabbi who performed your wedding!"
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A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark." The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you." The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?" "Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said. The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're really out there, would you please hand me the broom?"
Click on the picture for the large version Secret admirer?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anna Areola-Hernandez, 23, Phoenix, AZ AZ woman lures child into sex, infects him with STD Reported by the Huff Post An Arizona woman accused of convincing a boy she was a teenager and giving him a sexually transmitted disease may have had sex with other minors, police said. Anna Areola-Hernandez, 23, was arrested Thursday and faces charges including sexual conduct with a minor, child molestation, unlawful age misrepresentation, and an adult posing as a minor for sexual conduct, according to AZ Family. Court documents show that Areola-Hernandez had a six-month relationship with a 13-year-old boy she first met at a Phoenix mall. She allegedly told the teen that she was 15-years-old, and had sex with the child several times. In February, the child's mother contacted the police after finding out Areola-Hernandez has lied about her age, and had allegedly given her son an STD. In a call set up by officers, Areola-Hernandez allegedly told the boy's mother that she was pregnant, though police have yet to confirm if this is true. Areola-Hernandez allegedly communicated with the boy through texts, Facebook, and other social media sites under the names "Tiny Hernandez" or "Ana Hernandez," according to AZ Central. Police said the suspect admitted that she had "friended" at least 20 kids online while posing as a teenager, and confessed to having sex with two children. Court documents said Areola-Hernandez showed no remorse when talking about the allegations, and admitted to preferring younger boys, according to My Fox Phoenix. Investigators are now calling on parents whose children may have contacted the woman. "She looks very young, so it would be very easy for her to pass as a teenager," Tracey Breeden of the Glendale Police Department told the station. Areola-Hernandez is being held without bail. All dolled up and on the prowl. Tech Support Pits From: Elaine Re: Hard to see cursor Dear Webby, the only reason my dad has not fired his new laptop out throuh a window is because he has just replaced all windows and know how expensive they are. His problem is that the cursor jumps to weird places and is hard to find. How can that be fixed? Elaine Dear Elaine 1) Give your dad a real mouse, and glue some stiff cardboard, plastic or tin over the silly thumb pad between the keyboard and the near edge of the computer. His thumb hovering too close to the thumb pad sends the cursor to weird places. 2) Go through the control panel to Mouse and pointing devices. In there you can select a more visible cursor. There are also all kinds of third party cursors available, even rainbow colored cursor. 3) While in there, go to POINTER OPTIONS, and put checkmarks onto DISPLAY POINTER TRAILS and onto SHOW LOCATION OF POINTER WHEN I PRESS CTRL KEY The last one produces a target animation wherever the curso is, when CTRL is pressed. The moving circles really help finding the cursor. Naturally, doing all that will be a LOT easier with a real mouse than with the silly thumb pad, that was probably designed by window repair companies. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Toothbrush In Cabinet We have all heard keeping a toothbrush in the vicinity of a flushing toilet is not good, as it can catch what sprays into the air, ick! So, all it takes is a wood bathroom cabinet and cup hooks, problem easily solved. By linda h. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
"One of our co-workers went missing for a few hours, and we tore up the place looking for him. The boss finally found him fast asleep. Rather than wake him, he quietly placed a note on the man's chest. "As long as you're asleep," it read, "you have a job. But as soon as you wake up, you're fired!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Here is a famous Classic: A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not o admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and Enter the Kingdom." The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snowden, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom." "Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?" "Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

» Fishy Stuff

Today in 
1774 Britain passed the Coercive Act against Massachusetts.
1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine.
1834 The U.S. Senate voted to censure President Jackson for 
 the removal of federal deposits from the Bank of the US.
1854 The Crimean War began with Britain and France declaring 
 war on Russia.
1898 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a child born in the 
 U.S. to Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen. This meant 
 that they could not be deported under the Chinese 
 Exclusion Act.
1905 The U.S. took full control over Dominican revenues.
1908 Automobile owners lobbied the U.S. Congress, supporting 
 a bill that called for vehicle licensing and federal 
 registration.
1910 The first seaplane took off from water at Martinques, 
 France. The pilot was Henri Fabre.
1917 During World War I the Women’s Army Auxiliary Corps 
 (WAAC) was founded.
1922 Bradley A. Fiske patented a microfilm reading device.
1930 Constantinople and Angora changed their names to 
 Istanbul and Ankara respectively.
1933 In Germany, the Nazis ordered a ban on all Jews in 
 businesses, professions and schools.
1938 In Italy, psychiatrists demonstrated the use of 
 electric-shock therapy for treatment of certain mental 
 illnesses.
1939 The Spanish Civil War ended as Madrid fell to Francisco 
 Franco.
1941 The Italian fleet was defeated by the British at the 
 Battle of Matapan.
1942 British naval forces raided the Nazi occupied French 
 port of St. Nazaire.
1945 Germany launched the last of the V-2 rockets against 
 England.
1947 The American Helicopter Society revealed a flying 
 device that could be strapped to a person's body.
1962 The U.S. Air Force announced research into the use of 
 lasers to intercept missiles and satellites.
1968 The U.S. lost its first F-111 aircraft in Vietnam when 
 it vanished while on a combat mission. North Vietnam 
 claimed that they had shot it down.
1979 A major accident occurred at Pennsylvania's Three Mile 
 Island nuclear power plant. A nuclear power reactor 
 overheated and suffered a partial meltdown.
1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, Indonesian terrorists hijacked an 
 airplane. Four of the five terrorists were killed on 
 March 31.
1986 The U.S. Senate passed $100 million aid package for the 
 Nicaraguan contras.
1986 More than 6,000 radio stations of all format varieties 
 played "We are the World" simultaneously at 10:15 a.m. EST.
1991 The U.S. embassy in Moscow was severely damaged by fire.
1994 Violence between Zulus and African National Congress 
 supporters took the lives of 18 in Johannesburg.
2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal 
 to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit.
2014  smiled.


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Power bar surge protectors 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, March 27.
It is snowing. Really christmassy outside.

The last time the climate was like this, Carl Sagan was 
telling the sheeple that their muscle cars were causing 
an ice age.
Detroit listened and went broke.

Then Al Gore told the sheeple that their cars (not his!)
were causing Gullible Warming.
Detroit listened and went bankrupt.

These crackpots are bad for the economy!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a a NY guy who got 2 DUIs in the same night at the same McDonalds Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1952 The U.S. Eighth Army reached the 38th parallel in Korea, the original dividing line between the two Koreas. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them." --- Leo Tolstoy
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Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to where security temporarily holds suspects. One day security officers were talking to a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room. After a few minutes, the door opened, and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries screeched: "Get back in there, and don't come out until you're told!" The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the woman reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one very frightened telephone repairman.
eStore Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and other malicious programs. Kasperski
Thanks to Bill for this: My wife and I are both in an Internet business, but she's the one who truly lives, eat, and breathes computers. I finally realized how bad it had gotten, when I was scratching her back one day. "No, not there," she directed. "Scroll down a bit."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Zachary Boynton, 31, Oneonta, N.Y 2 DUIs in the same location, same night Reported by the Huff Post If at first you don't succeed, try try again. It's apparently the unfortunate motto of a New York man who got two DUIs in one night at the same McDonald's parking lot. Early Sunday morning, Zachary Boynton, 31, allegedly drove his car into the back of a vehicle ahead of him in the McDonald's drive-thru in Oneonta, N.Y. He was charged with DWI after troopers say his blood-alcohol content was .25 percent, more than three times the legal limit of .08 percent, the Associated Press reports. Police say he was released to a sober third party, who took him home. About four hours later, Boynton was allegedly back at the same McDonald's and hit the building with a car, before fleeing the scene. Authorities located his newly damaged car outside his home arrested him on another DWI charge, according to WKTV.com. Boynton was taken to a local hospital where he was treated for injuries he sustained in the collision. He was then arraigned at the Town of Oneonta Court, and released to a sober third party, CNYNews.com reports. Tech Support Pits From: Tory Re: Power Strips Dear Webby: 1) I've been told power strips and/or surge protectors wear out and that one should replace them about as often as one does the computer - every 3 yrs if budget allows (grin). True or not? 2. At work, it used to be the practice to use the on/off switch on surge protectors/power strips to turn off computers. "Back when" we were always told it was a lot cheaper to replace a power strip with worn out switch than it was to repair a worn out on/off button on a computer. Then folks started saying that that was a stupid idea, since "how could a surge protector do it's job if it wasn't turned on?". 3) Do you know whether a computer is still protected if the surge protector is turned off? (At home we don't debate this. Since we have a lot of storms, the practice has been to just unplug anything electronic and expensive.) Thanks from a fan! Tory Dear Tory With Windows 7 and 8, you are not supposed to turn the computer off, ever. Big Brother does not like that at all. You may reboot it, or tell it to hibernate, but you are not supposed to turn it off. With Laptops and notebooks you just get nice and smooth battery charging power anyway, and power problems are not supposed to affect it. With Desktops a surge protector or UPS is recommended, and if you do shut them off, you are supposed to do it with your mouse: A proper and slow shut-down. AFTER the computer has been shut down, THEN you can turn off the power strip. Many power strips / surge protectors have a little red light. When that starts to flicker, then the suicide chip in it has died while protecting your equipment. It is still a perfectly good power bar for the basement or garage, but it is no longer a surge protector. Demote it and replace it. When the power strip is turned off, then normally only the ground wire is still connected. That makes it perfectly safe. The white wire is grounded at the breaker panel, and only the black wire can bring in any surges or spikes. When that wire is disconncted at the power strip switch, nothing harmful can get to the computer, unless lightning hits between the computer and the breaker panel. Keep in mind that with modern computers the ON/OF switch is "soft". Shutting the computer down does not completely turn it off. If you open the side cover, you will see a tiny green dot of light on the motherboard. Any surge or spike can kill the power supply instantly. If the machine is out of warranty, then you are out of luck. Your way of unplugging the computer or turning the power strip off during storms or before going on vacation is most definitely a good idea. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mentholatum for Muscle Pain I woke up with a bad lower back pain. I had some rubs in the past but couldn't find them. As I was browsing through my medicine box, there stood out a memorable green jar. Great, if I had a stuffy nose, this would be good. Mentholatum ointment. My mom used to use this on us, when we had a chest cold. I do not know what made me read the label, but the words topical analgesic caught my eye. Wow, this means pain relief! So I tried it. It WORKS. I may not smell that great, but my pain was relieved. By Rita from Springfield, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An Englishman, planning on a visit to Australia, was handed one of those information cards to fill in, in normal Commonwealth style. After the standard questions, like name, nationality, passport number, etc., he got to one that asked, "Have you ever been imprisoned?" After thinking about that for some time, he entered: "I didn't know it was still a requirement."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thoughts from a cowboy "Nobody but cattle know why they stampede and they ain't talking." "Sure you can trust the government. Ask any Indian." "Always drink upstream from the herd." "Never drop your Winchester to hug a grizzly." "If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, best take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there." "If you can't squat with your spurs on, you ain't a real cowboy." "Learn to speak kind words - nobody resents them." "The wild horse can see, hear, and smell a man farther than any other animal . . . except a woman." "Careful is a naked man climbing a barbed wire fence." "Always ride the horse in the direction it's going." "A man is not born a cowboy . . . he becomes one." "Some people grin and bear it. Other people smile and change it." "An old timer is a man who's had a lot of interesting experiences, some of them true." "Every cowboy thinks he knows more than every other cowboy. But the only thing they all know for sure is, when's payday and where's grub." "Civilization has taught us to eat with a fork, but even now, if nobody is around, we use our fingers." "Here's all you need to know about cows: They're not smart, they're bigger than you are, and some of them have absolutely no respect for human beings." "Objects in mirrors are dumber than they appear."

» 20 Photostream

Today in 
1794 The U.S. Congress authorized creation of the U.S. Navy.
1802 The Treaty of Amiens was signed ending the French 
 Revolutionary War.
1836 In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including 
 their commander James Fannin, were executed under orders 
 from Gen. Antonio López de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 
 Texans escaped execution.
1836 The first Mormon temple was dedicated in Kirtland, OH.
1841 The first steam fire engine was tested in New York City.
1860 The corkscrew was patented by M.L. Byrn.
1884 The first long-distance telephone call was made from 
 Boston to New York.
1899 The first international radio transmission between 
 England and France was achieved by the Italian inventor 
 G. Marconi.
1900 The London Parliament passed the War Loan Act that 
 gave 35 million pounds to the Boer War cause in South Africa.
1900 The Russian army mobilized 250,000 troops.
1912 The first cherry blossom trees were planted in 
 Washington, DC. The trees were a gift from Japan.
1931 Actor Charlie Chaplin received France’s Legion 
 of Honor decoration.
1933 About 55,000 people staged a protest against Hitler 
 in New York City.
1942 The British raided the Nazi submarine base at 
 St. Nazaire, France.
1946 Four-month long strikes at both General Electric and 
 General Motors ended with a wage increase.
1952 The U.S. Eighth Army reached the 38th parallel in Korea, 
 the original dividing line between the two Koreas.
1958 Nikita Khrushchev became the chairman of the Soviet 
 Council of Ministers in addition to First Secretary of 
 the Communist Party.
1958 The U.S. announced a plan to explore space near the moon.
1976 Washington, DC, opened its subway system.
1993 In China, Communist Party leader Jiang Zemin was 
 appointed President.
1997 Russian workers, nearly 2 million, held a nationwide 
 strike to protest unpaid wages.
1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved the prescription drug 
 Viagra. It was the first pill for male impotence.
1998 Top civilian aircraft makers in France, Spain, Germany 
 and Britain agreed to create single European aerospace and 
 defense company.
2004 NASA successfully launched an unmanned X-43A jet that 
 hit Mach 7 (about 5,000 mph).
2007 NFL owners voted to make instant replay a permanent 
 officiating tool.
2014  smiled.


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How to get a blank page for new tab in FireFox 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, March 26.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Wife Arrested For Trying To Slice Off Husband's Penis With Box Cutter Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1937 Spinach growers in Crystal City, TX, erected a statue of Popeye. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)
Fix, Clean & Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs

When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son overheard some of her parents' private conversations. One day when Diane and her 4-year-old were waiting in a doctors office a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. "Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!"
eStore Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and other malicious programs. Kasperski
A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. A clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" He answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lisa Jones-Orock, 39, New Castle, Pennsylvania Wife Arrested For Trying To Slice Off Husband's Penis With Box Cutter Reported by The Smoking Gun A Pennsylvania woman is facing an assortment of charges after trying to slice off her husband’s penis with a box cutter during a fight Friday night, police charge. Lisa Jones-Orock, 39, allegedly attacked her husband inside the couple’s New Castle apartment, according to a criminal complaint charging her with felony aggravated assault and three misdemeanors. When cops arrived at the pair’s home, Gerald Orock, 56, was bleeding from cuts on his arms and hands, which, investigators noted, appeared to be defensive wounds. The crotch area of his pants had also been slashed. In an interview with police, Orock stated that, “Lisa tried to cut his penis off with the knife,” reported Corporal Steven Brooks of the New Castle Police Department. Lisa Jones-Orock initially claimed that her spouse had attacked her with a knife. A blue box cutter found on a couch in the couple’s home was seized by officers. Jones-Orock is currently locked up in the Lawrence County Prison in lieu of $5000 bond. Her husband is jailed in the same facility since cops determined that he had violated a protective order barring him from any contact with his wife. Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Firefox blank page on new tab Dear Webby: It's Bill again with another problem. I have been using Firefox for years without a problem. I set my "Home Page" to blank because I don't want to wait while a page downloads. Since the last update to version 28.0, a new window will open with a blank page, but a new tab page opens with "http://www.google.ca/firefox?gfe_rd=cr&ei=vY4xU73QEo-MoAX51YHYBA " in the address bar which opens a Google search page. How can I get the new tab page to open blank like it did before the last update? All the best, Bill Dear Bill Here is what I found: In the upper right corner of the new tab page is a tiny icon that looks like 9 dots in a grid. Click it to go back to using a blank page. Actually, it is a bit lower down nowadays. Look for that about two inches from the top on the right side, and you ONLY get that when you hit the + for a new tab, not CTRL N for a new window. The settings for new Windows remain unchanged. ====== Another possible solution: 1) Type in "about:config" (without the quotes) in the browser address bar and then press enter. 2) Click on the warning "I'll be careful, I promise" and on the next page, type "newtabpage" (without the quotes) in the search box. 3) Double click on browser.newtabpage.enabled preference to change to False. That's it. The New Tab Page will be disabled in Mozilla's FF browser. From now on, you'll be greeted with an empty blank page whenever you open the New Tab. ======= One of those two solutions should do the trick for you. Reverting to previous versions IS possible, though not recommended. Here is Version 26 You may have to UNinstall Firefox to be able to install an older version, otherwise it might tell you, that you already have the newest version. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soap Wrappers for Scented Clothes Don't throw away your scented soap wrappers. Put Soap Wrappers for Scented ClothesSoap Wrappers for Scented ClothesSoap Wrappers for Scented Clothesthem in your clothes to keep them deliciously fragrant. It helps keep away moths too! By Lucy L. from England Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
FOLLOWING ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS COLLECTED BY VINDICTIVE TEACHERS: Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle. ----------- Hmmm, I thought that was an obese triangle! ----------- For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth. For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration. For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat. For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock. For asphyxiation: apply artificial perspiration until the patient is dead. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Annabelle In October, the Indians asked their Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replied that the winter will be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. A week later, being a good leader, he then went to his computer and emailed the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter going to be cold?" Somebody at the National Weather Service responded, "This winter is indeed going to be very cold." So the Chief went back to encourage his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he emailed the National Weather Service again, and asked again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," they replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief went back to his people and ordered them to go out and bring back every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he emailed the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that this winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," they replied, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!" Well, when the winter turned out to be milder than usual, they called it "Global Warming" and blamed Bush. That joke sure did not apply to THIS winter, but is still quite funny. How are they going to blame Bush for the Gullible Warming to fail in spite of an increase in CO2?

» 20 Photostream

Today in 
1026 Conrad II was crowned Holy Roman Emperor by Pope John XIX.
1799 Napoleon captured Jaffa Palestine.
1793 The Holy Roman Emperor formally declared war on France.
1804 The U.S. Congress ordered the removal of Indians east 
 of the Mississippi to Louisiana.
1804 The Louisiana Purchase was divided into the District 
 of Louisiana and the Territory of Orleans.
1885 Eastman Kodak (Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co.) produced 
 the first commercial motion picture film in Rochester, NY.
1898 In South Africa, the world's first game reserve, the 
 Sabi Game reserve, was designated.
1909 Russian troops invaded Persia to support Muhammad Ali 
 as shah in place of the constitutional government.
1910 The U.S. Congress passed an amendment to the 1907 
 Immigration Act that barred criminals, paupers, anarchists 
 and carriers of disease from settling in the U.S.
1913 During the Balkan War, the Bulgarians took Adrianople.
1917 At the start of the battle of Gaza, the British cavalry 
 withdrew when 17,000 Turks blocked their advance.
1937 Spinach growers in Crystal City, TX, erected a 
 statue of Popeye.
1938 Herman Goering warned all Jews to leave Austria.
1942 The Germans began sending Jews to Auschwitz in Poland.
1945 The battle of Iwo Jima ended.
1945 In the Aleutians, the battle of Komandorski began when 
 the Japanese attempted to reinforce a garrison at Kiska 
 and were intercepted by a U.S. naval force.
1958 The U.S. Army launched America's third successful 
 satellite, Explorer III.
1971 Sheikh Mujibur Rahman declared East Pakistan to be the 
 independent republic of Bangladesh.
1973 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat took over the premiership 
 and said "the stage of total confrontation (with Israel) has 
 become inevitable."
1973 Women were allowed on the floor of the London Stock 
 Exchange for the first time.
1979 The Camp David treaty was signed by Israel and Egypt 
 that ended the 31-year state of war between the countries.
1989 The first free elections took place in the Soviet Union. 
 Boris Yeltsin was elected.
1991 The presidents of Argentina, Paraguay, Brazil and 
 Uruguay signed an agreement that established the Southern 
 Cone Common Market, a free-trade zone, by January 1, 1995.
1992 In Indianapolis, heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson 
 was found guilty of rape. He was sentenced to 6 years in 
 prison. He only served three.
1995 Seven of the 15 European Union states abolished border 
 controls.
1996 The International Monetary Fund approved a $10.2 billion 
 loan for Russia to help the country transform its economy.
1997 The 39 bodies of Heaven's Gate members are found in a 
 mansion in Rancho Santa Fe, CA. The group had committed 
 suicide thinking that they would be picked up by a spaceship 
 following behind the comet Hale-Bopp.
1998 Unisys Corp. and Lockheed Martin Corp. pay a $3.15 million 
 fine for selling spare parts at inflated prices to the U.S. 
 federal government.
1999 In Michigan, Dr. Jack Kevorkian was convicted of 
 second-degree murder for giving a terminally ill man a 
 lethal injection and putting it all on videotape on 
 September 17, 1998 for "60 Minutes."
2000 The Seattle Kingdome was imploded to make room for a 
 new football arena.
2000 In Russia, acting President Vladimir Putin was elected 
 president outright. He won a sufficient number of votes to 
 avoid a runoff election. 
2014  smiled.


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Where are the mail attachments in Eudora? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, March 25.

According to the weather page it was only -12. 
Balmy!
I neglected to look at the wind speed.
While it was quite comfortable in the sun while
sheltered from the wind, going against the wind it felt 
more like -22. Nose hairs frozen, mustache frosted.

The sun felt quite nice, and if it keeps getting stronger,
it will eventually beat the snow, that we have been
getting almost every night. Not much, most nights we
got just an inch or so, and during the day the sun trimmed
it back an inch. 

Looks pretty, and many sidewalks are bare by evening.
For tomorrow they predict a heat wave: 0º, 
but with snow flurries. 
I regret that I did not move further south!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Bozo who was jailed for assault of triple-amputee security guard Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1992 - Soviet cosmonaut Sergei Krikalev returned to Earth after spending 10 months aboard the orbiting Mir space station. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. --- Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961) There are more of them than us. --- Herb Caen
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Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the schools! --------- What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi? A documentary. ---------- Two Mississippians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey, Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?" "Jus' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?" "Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them." "OK, Ummmmmm.....five?" ------------ Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
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A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out? Does God have bad grammar?"
Click on the picture for the large version Lighthouse-Lake-Michigan
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jacaree J.J. Keith, 20, North Houston, Texas Jailed for assault of triple-amputee security guard Reported by Chron A north Houston man accused of trying to run over a triple- amputee security guard is in jail on $30,000 bond. Jacaree Jarrod James Keith, 20, is charged with aggravated assault in a Feb. 24 incident at an apartment building for people with disabilities near East Tidwell and the North Freeway. According to court records, the security guard saw a man identified as Keith trespassing on the property in a car. The guard, Joseph Montemayor, tried to take a picture of Keith's vehicle license plate because the property management had given him a trespass warning in December, records state. Montemayor, who is active in wheelchair sports, said he works part-time at the building where he also lives. "I work outside in the front, to make sure everything stays nice and quiet," he said Wednesday by phone. The 47-year-old guard told investigators that Keith drove at him at a very fast speed and came within one foot of running over him, according to the arrest warrant. "I couldn't believe he was really doing that," Montemayor said Wednesday. "He started from one end of the complex and came full blast, at least 60 or 70 yards. He flew over the speed bump, I can tell you that." According to the arrest warrant, Keith jumped out of the car and allegedly threatened that he was going to break the guard's neck or kill him. Montemayor used his motor-assisted wheelchair to go to the apartment office, with the defendant following and still yelling that he was going to kill him, records state. A maintenance worker at the apartments blocked Keith from coming inside the office, telling him he was not allowed, the warrant states. When the manager asked the maintenance man to take a picture of Keith's license plate, the defendant got back in his car, put it in reverse and allegedly tried to run over the maintenance worker, also coming within a foot of hitting him. Additional witnesses told police the defendant was intentionally trying to run over both men, records state. In investigating the allegation, police discovered an open assault case against Keith from a Nov. 17 incident at the same apartment building, records state. In the earlier case, Keith allegedly tried to choke his girlfriend, who is the mother of his child, according to the arrest warrant. The woman told police he choked her to the point that she couldn't breathe, the warrant states. The woman's mother told police she heard her daughter and the defendant arguing in a bedroom. When the older woman pushed the door open, she saw the defendant with both his hands around her daughter's neck, records state. With her daughter unable to breathe, the mother began hitting Keith in the back. He eventually let go and went outside, according to the warrant. When the mother locked the door, Keith said he was going to break the window to get back in. A witness outside who heard Keith threaten to break the window told him she would call the police if he did, records state. He walked up to her and began punching her in the chest, saying, "I'll break you neck," and she walked away. When the mother opened the door, Keith went back inside the apartment and took the daughter's phone, hanging up the 911 call she had placed to police. He also began choking the daughter again, records state. When police arrived, Keith ran out of the apartment, according to the arrest warrant. Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Where are Attachments in Eudora? Dear Webby, So good to get your humor letter again. So many thanks. Now I am looking for information again. I know a guy who is using Eudora. Do to circumstances beyond his control, he had to get a new machine and it is loaded with Windows 7. Now everything is good, except.......... With XP, he had a folder where all attachments went and another for embedded. Were these folders dropped by Windows or just really well hidden. Can't seem to find them anywhere. Thanks again, Jim Dear Jim Normally they are in the Eudora folder. I always put Eudora into E:\Alpha\Eudora. You can put Eudora anywhere you want. That just has been my preference since 1993. And in there is a folder for Attachments and one for Embedded. The Attachments folder can be anywhere. You can set it in the 8th panel in Tools, Options. Those I usually put onto the external drive. Embedded usually stays in the Eudora folder. Theoretically you CAN put it elsewhere by designating that in the INI file. That is what was originally used instead of a central Registry. Each program had it's own plain text INI file. Unless you don't want to have it in the C: drive, or wherever you have Eudora, just leave it there. You can hover the mouse over an attachment and watch the status line at the bottom. It will tell you WHERE that attachment is. The EMBEDDED folder will be in the same neighborhood. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using Pictures from Wallpaper Borders Cut pictures out of wallpaper borders and apply to walls or garbage cans (wherever you want) to spice up your rooms. I sponged blue over white walls in my bathroom and cut fish out of a wallpaper border to create an underwater scene. Very cute and easy as the border is already pre-pasted. By Nikki Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Nina In the admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others were being interviewed and still others were being escorted to their rooms. An elderly woman hesitatnly entered my cubicle. She had completed her admitting forms and, upon my request, handed me her insurance cards. I typed the neccessary information and then asked her the reason for her coming to the hospital. "Just to visit a friend," she said, "but this has taken so long, I'm not sure if she is still alive."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side. He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and both you and your wife were unconscious so I named them for you." The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and said, "Well what did you name them?" The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise." The husband said, "That's a very pretty name! What did you come up with for my son?" The brother replied, "Denephew."

» 20 Superbowl Puppy

Today in 
0421 - The city of Venice was founded.
1306 - Robert the Bruce was crowned king of Scotland.
1409 - The Council of Pisa opened.
1609 - Henry Hudson left on an exploration for 
 Dutch East India Co.
1634 - Lord Baltimore founded the Catholic colony 
 of Maryland.
1655 - Puritans jailed Governor Stone after a military 
 victory over Catholic forces in the colony of Maryland.
1669 - Mount Etna in Sicily erupted destroying Nicolosi. 
 20,000 people were killed.
1700 - England, France and Netherlands ratify the 
 2nd Extermination Treaty.
1753 - Voltaire left the court of Frederik II of Prussia.
1774 - English Parliament passed the Boston Port Bill.
1776 - The Continental Congress authorized a medal for 
 General George Washington.
1807 - The first railway passenger service began in England.
1807 - British Parliament abolished the slave trade.
1813 - The frigate USS Essex flew the first U.S. flag in 
 battle in the Pacific.
1820 - Greece freedom revolt against anti Ottoman attack
1821 - Greece gained independence from Turkey.
1856 - A. E. Burnside patented Burnside carbine.
1857 - Frederick Laggenheim took the first photo of a solar 
 eclipse.
1865 - The SS General Lyon at Cape Hatteras caught fire and 
 sank. 400 people were killed.
1879 - Japan invaded the kingdom of Liuqiu (Ryukyu) Islands, 
 formerly a vassal of China.
1895 - Italian troops invaded Abyssinia (Ethiopia).
1900 - The U.S. Socialist Party was formed in Indianapolis.
1901 - The Mercedes was introduced by Daimler at the 
 five-day "Week of Nice" in Nice, France.
1902 - In Russia, 567 students were found guilty of "political 
 disaffection." 95 students were exiled to Siberia.
1905 - Rebel battle flags that were captured during the 
 American Civil War were returned to the South.
1905 - Russia received Japan's terms for peace.
1907 - Nicaraguan troops took Tegucigalpa, the capital of Honduras.
1909 - In Russia, revolutionary Popova was arrested on 
 300 murder charges.
1911 - In New York City, 146 women were killed in fire at the 
 Triangle Shirtwaist Company in New York City. The owners of 
 the company were indicted on manslaughter charges because 
 some of the employees had been behind locked doors in the 
 factory. The owners were later acquitted and in 1914 they 
 were ordered to pay damages to each of the twenty-three 
 families that had sued.
1915 - 21 people died when a U.S. F-4 submarine sank off 
 the Hawaiian coast.
1919 - The Paris Peace Commission adopted a plan to protect 
 nations from the influx of cheap foreign labor.
1931 - The Scottsboro Boys were arrested in Alabama.
1940 - The U.S. agreed to give Britain and France access to 
 all American warplanes.
1941 - Yugoslavia joined the Axis powers.
1941 - The first paprika mill was incorporated in Dollon, SC.
1947 - A coalmine explosion in Centralia, IL, killed 111 people.
1947 - John D. Rockefeller III presented a check for $8.5 million 
 to the United Nations for the purchase of land for the site of 
 the U.N. center.
1953 - The USS Missouri fired on targets at Kojo, North Korea.
1954 - RCA manufactured its first color TV set and began 
 mass production.
1957 - The European Economic Community was established with 
 the signing of the Treaty of Rome.
1960 - A guided missile was launched from a nuclear powered 
 submarine for the first time.
1965 - Martin Luther King Jr. led a group of 25,000 to the 
 state capital in Montgomery, AL.
1970 - The Concorde made its first supersonic flight.
1972 - Bobby Hull joined Gordie Howe to become only the 
 second National Hockey League player to score 600 career 
 goals.
1975 - King Faisal of Saudi Arabia was shot to death by 
 a nephew. The nephew, with a history of mental illness, 
 was beheaded the following June.
1982 - Wayne Gretzky became the first player in the NHL to 
 score 200 points in a season.
1983 - The U.S. Congress passed legislation to rescue the U.S. 
 social security system from bankruptcy.
1986 - U.S. President Ronald Reagan ordered emergency aid for 
 the Honduran army. U.S. helicopters took Honduran troops to 
 the Nicaraguan border.
1990 - A fire in Happy Land, an illegal New York City social 
 club, killed 87 people.
1990 - Estonia voted for independence from the Soviet Union.
1991 - Iraqi President Saddam Hussein launched a major 
 counter-offensive to recapture key towns from Kurds in 
 northern Iraq.
1992 - Soviet cosmonaut Sergei Krikalev returned to Earth after 
 spending 10 months aboard the orbiting Mir space station.
1993 - President de Klerk admitted that South Africa had built 
six nuclear bombs, but said that they had since been dismantled.
1995 - Boxer Mike Tyson was released from jail after serving 
 3 years.
1996 - An 81-day standoff by the antigovernment Freemen began 
 at a ranch near Jordan, MT.
11998 - A cancer patient was the first known to die under 
Oregon's doctor-assisted suicide law.
1998 - The FCC nets $578.6 million at auction for licenses 
 for new wireless technology.
2004 - The U.S. Senate voted (61-38) on the Unborn Victims 
 of Violence Act (H.R. 1997) to make it a separate crime 
 to harm a fetus during the commission of a violent 
 federal crime.
2014  smiled.


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His Windows 8 was messed up 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, March 24.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Teacher jailed for messing with her student Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1960 A U.S. appeals court ruled that the novel, "Lady Chatterly’s Lover", was not obscene and could be sent through the mail. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. --- Mike Myers - More quotations on: [Advertising] Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006)
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Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away. "Johnny wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to." The boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook!
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Weird and not yet repealed laws: CALIFORNIA It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license. Women may not drive in a house coat. FLORIDA It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. OHIO Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public. It is illegal to get a fish drunk. KANSAS Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights. No one may catch fish with his bare hands. OKLAHOMA Violators can be arrested and/or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog. State law prohibits anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger. ALABAMA It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church. Boogers may not be flicked into the wind. (Really) NEW YORK It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun. The penalty for jumping off a building is death.
Thanks to Noella for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Emily Nesbit, Silver Spring TWP, Pa. Teacher jailed for messing with her student. Reported by the weekly Vice Emily Nesbit, a 31-year-old English teacher at Cumberland Valley High School, has been jailed after she allegedly had sex with a student. According to police, an investigation was launched last week after a female student noticed text messages of a sexual nature between Nesbit and an 18-year-old male student on the student's mobile phone. During interviews with Nesbit and the student, it was learned that a relationship developed when the pair began text messaging sexually explicit material to one another which included nude or partially nude photographs. The relationship reportedly began in early February and continued until March 10. Investigators say Nesbit and the student began meeting in her classroom a "couple of times per week" where Nesbit allegedly engaged in a sexual act with the student. Both Nesbit and the student have admitted to engaging in sexual acts. Although the student is of legal age to consent to a sexual relationship, an amendment went into effect in February 2012 which prohibits teachers and persons placed in a position of trust from engaging in sexual acts with students regardless of the student's age. Nesbit was removed from the classroom after school administrators learned of the allegations and Nesbit resigned her teaching position on Wednesday. She then surrendered herself to authorities and waved her right to a preliminary hearing. Nesbit was booked into jail and charged with institutional sexual assault. She was released after posting $100,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Windows 8 messed up Dear Webby, I need help webby, My daughter uses 7 and I have 8. She used my L P and changed some settings that I don't like. She changed my curser into a pencil that's so small that I have a hard time seeing it. 2, She did something with my drop-down bar. Now I have just a little one that takes me to last visited sights only. 3: when I get on craigslist and go to a page and open an add I cannot close it without sending me back to the main page and have to open it again. she can't figure it out, and I don't don't want to take it into a shop and pay$$ that I don't have to fox it with a few clicks. enlighten me ? Frank PS: Please excuose the spelling, I'm coming off 3or4 days of withdrawels form NOT READING your wisdom and humer. M Dear Frank I haven't got a clue about what she did, since I stay very, very far away from Windoze 8, and she is too shy to tell me what she did. Why don't you crank up Skype, so that you can call for free and hands-free, and call Microsoft Support? They claim that they support Windows 8. Yes, they really do! Give them a chance to prove that they do. With Skype you can use a desktop microphone and your speakers for truly hands free calling. I don't think you have to reboot to fix any of that, so it should not be necessary to call them on a landline. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Extra Fast Food Napkins When eating out at fast food restaurants, we are usually given too many napkins that end up in the trash. Now we fold them up and take them with us. They end up in the car for kid clean up, in the purse for emergencies, on the vanity for makeup removal, in the kitchen as a substitute for paper towels or on the table as - surprise - napkins. I'm sure you can come up with lots of places to use these leftover napkins. We never let them go to waste. Source: We have been doing this for several years now. By marchall from San Juan, Puerto Rico Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A four-year-old was showing a little friend the family photos that covered one wall in their basement. Out of sight but not out of earshot, her mother overheard her say, "Here's a picture of my mommy when she was a little girl. I wasn't there, but people say she used to be nice."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Recently launched into the "real world" and shocked by the expenses that came with it, my brother Dustin was complaining about the high cost of auto insurance. "If you got married," teased my dad, "the premium would be lower." Dustin grimmaced. "That would be like buying an airline just to get free peanuts."

» 20 Great Inventions Until...:

Today in 
1550 France and England signed the Peace of Boulogne.
1629 The first game law was passed in the American 
 colonies, by Virginia.
1664 A charter to colonize Rhode Island was granted to 
 Roger Williams in London.
1720 In Paris, banking houses closed due to financial crisis.
1765 Britain passed the Quartering Act that required the 
American colonies to house 10,000 British troops in public 
 and private buildings.
1828 The Philadelphia & Columbia Railway was authorized as 
 the first state owned railway.
1832 Mormon Joseph Smith was beaten, tarred and feathered 
 in Ohio.
1837 Canada gave blacks the right to vote
1848 A state of siege was proclaimed in Amsterdam.
1878 The British frigate Eurydice sank killing 300.
1880 The first "hail insurance company" was incorporated in 
 Connecticut. It was known as Tobacco Growers’ Mutual 
 Insurance Company.
1882 In Berlin, German scientist Robert Koch announced the 
 discovery of the tuberculosis germ (bacillus).
1883 The first telephone call between New York and Chicago
1900 In New Jersey, the Carnegie Steel Corporation was formed.
1904 Vice Adm. Tojo sank seven Russian ships as the Japanese 
 strengthened their blockade of Port Arthur.
1905 In Crete, a group led by Eleutherios Venizelos claimed 
 independence from Turkey.
1906 In Mexico, the Tehuantepec Istmian Railroad opened as a 
 rival to the Panama Canal.
1906 The "Census of the British Empire" revealed that England 
 ruled 1/5 of the world.
1911 In Denmark, penal code reform abolished corporal punishment.
1920 The first U.S. coast guard air station was established at 
 Morehead City, NC.
1924 Greece became a republic.
1927 Chinese Communists seized Nanking and break with Chiang 
 Kai-shek over the Nationalist goals.
1934 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed a bill granting 
 future independence to the Philippines.
1938 The U.S. asked that all powers except the US help refugees 
 fleeing from the Nazis.
1944 In Rome, The Gestapo rounded up innocent Italians and shot 
 them to death in response to a bomb attack that killed 32 German 
 policemen. Over 300 civilians were executed.
1946 The Soviet Union announced that it was withdrawing 
 its troops from Iran.
1954 Britain opened trade talks with Hungary.
1955 The first seagoing oil drill rig was put into service.
1960 A U.S. appeals court ruled that the novel, 
 "Lady Chatterly’s Lover", was not obscene and could be 
 sent through the mail.
1972 Great Britain imposed direct rule over Northern Ireland.
1976 The president of Argentina, Isabel Peron, was deposed 
 by her country's military.
1980 In San Salvador, Archbishop Oscar Arnulfo Romero was 
 shot to death by gunmen as he celebrated Mass.
1985 Thousands demonstrated in Madrid against the NATO 
 presence in Spain.
1988 Former national security aides Oliver L. North and 
 John M. Poindexter and businessmen Richard V. Secord and 
 Albert Hakim pled innocent to Iran-Contra charges.
1989 The Exxon Valdez spilled 240,000 barrels (11 million 
 gallons) of oil in Alaska's Prince William Sound after it 
 ran aground.
1989 The U.S. decided to send humanitarian aid to the 
 Contras.
1990 Indian troops left Sri Lanka.
1991 The African nation of Benin held its first presidential  
 elections in about 30 years.
1993 In Israel, Ezer Weizman, an advocate of peace with 
 neighboring Arab nations, was elected President.
1995 Russian forces surrounded Achkoi-Martan. It was one of 
 the few remaining strongholds of rebels in Chechenia.
1997 The Australian parliament overturned the world's first and 
 only euthanasia law.
1998 In Jonesboro, AR, two young boys open fire at students 
 from woods near a school. Four students and a teacher were 
 killed and 10 others were injured. The two boys were 11 and 
 13 years old cousins.
1999 NATO launched air strikes against Yugoslavia (Serbia, 
 Montenegro, Kosovo and Vojvodina). The attacks marked the 
 first time in its 50-year history that NATO attacked a 
 sovereign country. The bombings were in response to Serbia's 
 refusal to sign a peace treaty with ethnic Albanians who 
 were seeking independence for the province of Kosovo.
1999 The 7-mile tunnel under Mont Blanc in France was an 
 inferno after a truck carrying flour and margarine caught 
 on fire. At least 30 people were killed.
2001 Apple Computer Inc's operating system MAC OS X went on sale.
2005 The government of Kyrgyzstan collapsed after opposition 
 protesters took over President Askar Akayev's presidential 
 compound and government offices.
2006 In Spain, the Basque separatist group ETA announced a 
permanent cease-fire.
2014  smiled.


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Sending mail via neighbor's WiFi 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, March 23.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Woman, who showed up naked and drunk to visit husband in jail Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1957 The U.S. Army sold the last of its homing pigeons. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. --- e e cummings (1894 - 1962) When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. --- P. J. O'Rourke That's how we got the CAN SPAM act.
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>From Don A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the Husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. Owing to the sensitive nature of the situation...they all agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from. After the surgery everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than ever ! All his Friends and relatives raved about his youthful appearance, especially his mother! One day, while alone with his wife, and overcome with emotion at her sacrifice. He said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?' 'My darling,' she replied, 'I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.'
eStore Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and other malicious programs. Kasperski
About a year ago, a friend, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right?" Brent asked. "They talk funny." "Everybody talks in different ways," she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Maura Fussell, 26, Reston, VA Woman Shows Up Naked And Drunk To Visit Husband In Jail Reported by the Huff Post A Reston, Va., woman faces indecent exposure and public drunkenness charges after she allegedly showed up to visit her husband in Arlington County Jail wearing only her birthday suit. Maura Fussell's husband had been arrested earlier Saturday. Police said Fussell came to visit her husband during the evening, but they aren't sure if she showed up naked, or merely disrobed upon arriving at the Arlington Magistrate's Office. One thing was clear: Officers said she was pretty drunk. When she refused to get dressed, the cops gave the 26 year old woman a choice: Let them call her a cab home, or spend the night in jail. She took the latter. “Our officers frequently give these people an opportunity to take a cab. They frequently don’t want to do that,” Arlington Police spokesman Dustin Sternbeck told the Washington Post. Fussell and her hubby, who has not been identified, were released Sunday. There was a St. Patrick's bar crawl held in the area on Saturday. Although they couldn't say for sure, police think the woman's actions may have been linked to the revelry. “Anybody who was in Clarendon that afternoon was participating one way or the other," Sternbeck said. Tech Support Pits From: Mary Re: No mail going out via neighbor's wireless Dear Webby, I don't know whether it is the same problem, but MY mail won't go out when I try to send it on my neighbor's wireless connection. My technician says it is because the wireless system does not recognize my (landline) configuration. However, I do not understand why I cannot get my bank's website. (????) I just figured that tomorrow I'll get onto my sister's wireless connection with her computer. (I AM ON VACATION.) M Dear Mary You have to change the SMTP server name in your mail config to show the SMTP server normally used by your neighbor's computer. For example, if your neighbor connects to the net via earthlink, then you would have to set the SMTP server name to smtp.earthlink.net. The only way around that is to use SMTP2GO. When you use that, then it makes no difference from where you are sending mail. Even the WiFi at McDonalds or the airport will work just fine. Your bank probably uses a similar verification scheme. You will have to contact the bank via phone and ask them what to do to get back in. You MIGHT have to dump some cookies. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sterilize the Barbecue Grill This is a grilling tip. I've heard that people will grill in the spring, and everyone gets ill. This tip should stop that. Every time my husband starts up the grill, he puts it through what he calls a "sterilization process." We have never become ill. After your coals are heated up, and you spread them out, close the grill cover about ten minutes or so, it allows the grill to become hot. Keep the vent open during this time, so the charcoal gets oxygen, and can stay hot. Then, take a scrubber brush, and scrub the grill grates clean. Leave this to heat a few minutes before putting any meat on the grill. We have never become ill from grilled meat this way, and we do this every time we grill. Source: The source is ours. My husband learned it from his daddy. By Carol L. from SouthBend, IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A synagogue had just opened for business, while at the same time a Catholic church opened across the street. After some time, the Rabbi noticed that a convent had been added to the church. More time later a Catholic school was built, then a gymnasium. The Rabbi called together his staff and expressed his concern, "We've been here the same amount of time as our neighbors and look, they have grown, while we still have our same small temple. What are we doing wrong?" And so it was decided, they would send Morris to attend a service on Sunday and check out what was going on over there. Sunday came and all the men from the congregation were peeking through the windows as Morris entered the church. Not 15 minutes later, Morris came flying across the street, yelling and waving his arms. "So what happened?" asked the Rabbi. "Oy, you wouldn't believe it," said Morris. "I go into the church, I sit down, then from the left a guy in a dress comes out onto the stage and he's chanting, 'I can play dominoes better than you can. I can play dominoes better than you can.' Then from the right of the stage comes some young boys swinging incense, followed by another guy in a dress who starts chanting, 'I bet you don't. I bet you don't.' Then back and forth they go, 'I can play dominoes better than you can. I bet you don't.' Then from out of the back four men in black suits come down the aisles and pick up the bets!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

This is an ancient joke, still funny, though. A woman walked into an empty Moscow shop. I see you have no vegetables today." "No", said the shopkeeper, "this is a butcher shop. It's meat we haven't got. The shop with no vegetables is further down the street."

» Napa Valley

Today in 
1026 Koenraad II crowned himself king of Italy.
1066 The 18th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet 
 took place.
1657 France and England formed an alliance against Spain.
1775 American revolutionary Patrick Henry declared, 
 "give me liberty, or give me death!"
1794 Josiah G. Pierson patented a rivet machine.
1806 Explorers Lewis and Clark reached the Pacific coast, 
 and began their return journey to the east.
1808 Napoleon's brother Joseph took the throne of Spain.
1836 The coin press was invented by Franklin Beale.
1839 The first recorded use of "OK" [oll korrect] 
 was used in Boston's Morning Post.
1840 The first successful photo of the Moon was taken.
1848 Hungary proclaimed its independence of Austria.
1857 Elisha Otis installed the first modern passenger 
 elevator in a public building. It was at the corner 
 of Broome Street and Broadway in New York City.
1858 Eleazer A. Gardner patented the cable streetcar.
1861 London's first tramcars began operations.
1880 John Stevens patented the grain crushing mill. The 
 mill increased flour production by 70 percent.
1881 The Boers and Britain signed a peace accord ending 
 the first Boer war.
1889 U.S. President Harrison opened Oklahoma for white 
 colonization.
1901 Dame Nellie Melba, revealed the secret of her now 
 famous toast.
1901 It was learned that Boers were starving in British 
 concentration camps in South Africa.
1902 In Italy, the minimum legal working age was raised 
 from 9 to 12 for boys and from 11 to 15 for girls.
1903 The Wright brothers obtained an airplane patent.
1909 British Lt. Shackleton found the magnetic South Pole.
1909 Theodore Roosevelt began an African safari sponsored 
 by the Smithsonian Institution and National Geographic 
 Society.
1912 The Dixie Cup was invented.
1917 Austrian Emperor Charles I made a peace proposal to 
 French President Poincare.
1918 Lithuania proclaimed independence.
1919 Benito Mussolini founded his Fascist political 
 movement in Milan, Italy.
1920 Britain denounced the U.S. because of their 
 delay in joining the League of Nations.
1921 Arthur G. Hamilton set a new parachute record when 
 he safely jumped from 24,400 feet.
1922 The first airplane landed at the U.S. Capitol 
 in Washington, DC.
1925 The state of Tennessee enacted a law that made it 
 a crime for a teacher in any state-supported public 
 school to teach any theory that was in contradiction 
 to the Bible's account of man's creation.
1932 In the U.S., the Norris-LaGuardia Act established 
 workers' right to strike.
1933 The German Reichstag adopted the Enabling Act. 
 The act effectively granted Adolf Hitler dictatorial 
 legislative powers.
1934 The U.S. Congress accepted the independence of the 
 Philippines in 1945.
1936 Italy, Austria & Hungary signed the Pact of Rome.
1942 The Japanese occupy the Andaman Islands.
1942 During World War II, the U.S. government began 
 evacuating Japanese-Americans from West Coast homes 
 to concentration camps.
1951 U.S. paratroopers descended from flying boxcars 
 in a surprise attack in Korea.
1956 Pakistan became the first Islamic republic. It was 
 still within the British Commonwealth.
1956 Sudan became independent.
1957 The U.S. Army sold the last of its homing pigeons.
1965 America's first two-person space flight took off from 
 Cape Kennedy with astronauts Virgil I. Grissom and John 
 W. Young aboard. The craft was the Gemini 3.
1965 The Moroccan Army shot at demonstrators. About 100 
 people were killed.
1967 Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. called the Vietnam 
 War the biggest obstacle to the civil rights movement.
1970 Mafia "Boss" Carlo Gambino was arrested for plotting 
 to steal $3 million.
1972 The U.S. called a halt to the peace talks on Vietnam 
 being held in Paris.
1972 Evel Knievel broke 93 bones after successfully 
 jumping 35 cars.
1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, 
 left Panama for Egypt.
1981 U.S. Supreme Court upheld a law making statutory 
 rape a crime for men but not women.
1983 U.S. President Reagan first proposed development 
 of technology to intercept enemy missiles. The proposal 
 became known as the Strategic Defense Initiative and 
 "Star Wars."
1990 Former Exxon Valdez Captain Joseph Hazelwood was 
 ordered to help clean up Prince William Sound and 
 pay $50,000 in restitution for the 1989 oil spill.
1993 U.N. experts announced that record ozone lows had 
 been registered over a large area of the Western Hemisphere.
1994 Wayne Gretzky broke Gordie Howe's National Hockey League 
 (NHL) career record with his 802nd goal.
1996 Taiwan held its first democratic presidential elections.
1998 Germany's largest bank pledged $3.1 million to Jewish 
 foundations as restitution for Nazi looting.
1998 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired his Cabinet.
1998 The movie "Titanic" won 11 Oscars at the Academy Awards.
1998 The German company Bertelsmann AG agreed to purchase 
 the American publisher Random House for $1.4 billion. The 
 merger created the largest English-language book-publishing 
 company in the world.
1999 NATO Secretary-General Javier Solana gave formal 
 approval for air strikes against Serbian targets.
2001 Russia's orbiting Mir space station plunged into the 
 South Pacific after its 15-years of use.
2014  smiled.


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How to copy the Eudora Address book to a new machine 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, March 19.
Thank you Jim!

Today I have to go to Calgary for more injections 
into my eyeballs. That means tomorrow evening I won't 
be sending out the Thursday newsletters. 
The same goes for Thursday and Friday.
Saturday evening I will be sending out the Sunday 
newsletters.

Dianne skyped me about a Calgary CTV news item about some
scammy emails pretending to be from a fake pinterest friend
with a link, that leads to malware.

My reacion was "Yeah, so what? Mailwasher takes care of 
that crap, unseen, on the server."
So she told me that not everybody is as well protected as 
I am. 
True, I lead a very sheltered life.

OK, so if you do get any emails claiming to be from a friend
or family member, especially if that friend or family member
is not clearly identified, dump it!

The same goes for emails from people you know, but with the
mail being a bit odd. If for example "Bill" usually writes 
a nice and friendly paragrah, but you get a mail from him 
with just a link, dump it or at least write to him and ask
if HE sent that, or if it had been sent by a hacker, who got
his address book. If he has a Yahoo or SNCglobal address,
expect that about once a month.

Mailwasher for examplpe shows this:
Anexo:FOTO99.JPG 
[links to www.i-fds.co.jp/libraries/pear/FOTO99.zip](471KB)
 Fotos da câmera.
And automatically marks it for deletion. It knows that 
FOTO99.JPG must be evil crap.

Not just MailWasher, but also some email programs like Eudora 
show you the underlying links, that for example what pretends
to be a link to "Mom's recipes" actually goes to some long
address in Russia or Japan. You may have to hover the 
mouse over a link and watch the bottom bar on the email program. 
Whenever you spot any discrepancies there, dump it. 

The less protected you are, the more careful you have to be.

And put Mailwasher onto your Birthday or Santa list.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Tennessee man, who got stuck trying to crawl under an occupied Woman's bathroom stall at a McDonalds Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1994 The largest omelet in history was made with 160,000 eggs in Yokohama, Japan. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900),
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

>From Jim Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him. So, he says to them: "Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses." "Sybil, you take the apartments over in the east end." "Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre." "Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks of the river." The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Doug slips away, she says, "Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property". Sarah replies, "Property? .... he had a paper route!"
eStore Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and other malicious programs. Kasperski
>From Jean My boss phoned me today. He said "Is everything OK at the office ?" I said "It is all under control. It's been a very busy day. I haven't stopped to take a break all day." "Can you do me a favor" he asked. I said "Of course, What is it?" "Pick up the pace a little. I'm in the foursome behind you!" ------------- Some day I would like to get a job like that!
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ronald Henderson, 28, Memphis, Tennessee Creep Arrested For McDonald's Bathroom Breach Reported by the Smoking Gun A Tennessee man who tried to crawl into an occupied stall in a McDonald’s women’s bathroom was thwarted when he got stuck under a partition, according to cops who yesterday arrested him for the creepy intrusion. Police report that Jasmin Johnson was using the toilet inside the Memphis restaurant last Thursday afternoon when Ronald Henderson, 28, entered the bathroom and “crawled under… the stall.” Upon spotting Henderson, Johnson screamed at him to leave the restroom. But Henderson continued trying to breach the stall, grabbing at Johnson’s leg “until he got stuck,” according to a criminal complaint. Johnson was then able to escape the McDonald’s bathroom. Henderson, pictured in the abovet mug shot, was filmed by a store surveillance camera following Johnson into the women’s restroom. Additionally, Johnson was able to identify Henderson at the scene, and later picked him out from a photo spread. Charged with assault and observation without consent, Henderson was booked yesterday into the Shelby County jail, where he is locked up in lieu of $100 bond. He was scheduled for arraignment this morning on the two misdemeanor counts. Tech Support Pits From: JH Re: Problem sending email Dear Webby Greetings to you and hope all is well. Still a big fan of yours, but need a little help again. I installed Eurdora on my laptop, should have done that a year ago, but my old age didn't tell me to do so until I got home from my trip to warmer climates. All is well but for 2 little problems. First I can check my email and it will download. Not a problem. I am unable to send. I think I missed a password somewhere and it won't allow me to send. Can you tell me where to go to take care of this problem. Secondly, is there a way to import my address book from my PC to my laptop? Hope you can help me. thanks jh Dear JH The SEND server name, called SMTP Server Name, is often different from the POP server name. Ask RoadRunner what they want you to use for the SMTP Server Name, and if the user name and password are the same as for checking email. With RR they are sometimes different. Then in Eudora, Tools, Options scoot down to the 4th panel "SENDING EMAIL" and put that info in there for the SMTP information.. If you want to send while you are at McDonalds or any place with a public WiFi, get yourself a free SMTP2GO account at http://webby.com/smtp2go Then you just use your SMPTP2GO SMTP, no matter where you are, even if you are in Verizon or Sprint territory. For the address book, just find the directory where Eudora is on the desktop machine and look for these files: nndbase.txt nndbase.toc These files are your default address book. Also look for a Nickname folder. If you have one, copy whatever you find in there onto the laptop, into the same folder. If you don't have a Nickname folder yet, make one. Eudora does not need any fancy mucking about in the Registry for that. Just copy the files over, and that's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Mechanic's Creeper to Garden I'm not about to give up gardening because I'm disabled, but it hurt too much to bend over all the time. So I figured out that if I use a mechanic creeper (you know, those things that mechanics use to roll under cars on), then I can sit on it, be closer to the dirt, carry my supplies, and I don't have to bend over. It works on grass, sidewalk or even in the dirt as long as it's not not wet. One more "dis-" I just took out of disabled! Happy Gardening. By MobeaB from Texas City, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An old country farmer with serious financial problems bought a mule from another old farmer for $100, who agreed to deliver the mule the next day. However, the next day he drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news: The mule died." "Well, then, just give me my money back." Can't do that. I went and spent it already." "OK, then. Just unload the mule." "What ya gonna do with a dead mule?" "I'm going to raffle him off." "You can't raffle off a dead mule!" "Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead." A month later the two met up and the farmer who sold the mule asked, "Whatever happened with that dead mule?" "I raffled him off just like I said I would. I sold 500 tickets at $2 a piece and made a net profit of $898." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

One day a mother took her 6-year-old son with her to visit a friend at work. Everyone there knew her, and she was offered a cup of coffee. As one of the employees went to make more coffee, the kid followed her and asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered. Imagine the woman's shock when she heard her son say, "Wow! You know how to make beer?"
One of my third-graders came to school crying. "Jonathan's upset because he couldn't complete his math homework," his mother explained. "Why's that?" I asked. "Apparently," she said, "our computer doesn't have Roman numerals."

» Stainless Scuptures

Today in 
1571 Spanish troops occupied Manila.
1628 The Massachusetts colony was founded by Englishmen.
1644 200 members of the Peking imperial family/court 
 committed suicide.
1687 French explorer La Salle was murdered by his own men 
 while searching for the mouth of the Mississippi River 
 in the Gulf of Mexico.
1702 Upon the death of William III of Orange, Anne Stuart, 
 the sister of Mary, succeeds to the throne of England, 
 Scotland and Ireland.
1748 The English Naturalization Act passed granting Jews 
 the right to colonize in the U.S.
1831 The first bank robbery in America was reported. The 
 City Bank of New York City lost $245,000 in the robbery.
1866 The immigrant ship Monarch of the Seas sank in Liverpool 
 killing 738.
1900 Archeologist Arthur John Evans began the excavation of 
 Knossos Palace in Greece.
1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Cuban treaty, gaining naval 
 bases in Guantanamo and Bahia Honda.
1906 Reports from Berlin estimated the cost of the German war 
 in S.W. Africa at $150 million.
1908 The state of Maryland barred Christian Scientists from 
 practicing without medical diplomas.
1917 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the Adamson Act that made 
 the eight-hour workday for railroads constitutional.
1918 The U.S. Congress approved Daylight-Saving Time.
1918 A German seaplane was shot down for the first time 
 by an American pilot.
1920 The U.S. Senate rejected the Versailles Treaty for 
 the second time maintaining an isolation policy.
1924 U.S. troops were rushed to Tegucigalpa as rebel 
 forces took the Honduran capital.
1931 The state of Nevada legalized gambling.
1945 About 800 people were killed as Japanese kamikaze 
 planes attacked the U.S. carrier Franklin off Japan.
1945 Adolf Hitler issued his "Nero Decree" which ordered 
 the destruction of German facilities that could fall 
 into Allied hands as German forces were retreating.
1947 Chiang Kai-Shek's government forces took control of Yenan, 
 the former headquarters of the Chinese Communist Party.
1954 The first rocket-driven sled that ran on rails was 
 tested in Alamogordo, NM.
1963 In Costa Rica, U.S. President John F. Kennedy and six 
 Latin American presidents pledged to fight Communism.
1965 Indonesia nationalized all foreign oil companies.
1968 Students at Howard University seized an administration 
 building.
1969 British invaded Anguilla.
1976 Buckingham Palace announced the separation of Princess 
 Margaret and her husband, the Earl of Snowdon, 
 after 16 years of marriage.
1977 France performed a nuclear test at Muruora Island.
1984 A Mobile oil tanker spilled 200,000 gallons into 
 the Columbia River.
1985 IBM announced that it was planning to stop making 
 the PCjr consumer-oriented computer.
1985 The U.S. Senate voted to authorize production of 
 the MX missile.
1987 Televangelist Jim Bakker resigned from the PTL due 
 to a scandal involving Jessica Hahn.
1988 Two British soldiers were killed by mourners at a 
 funeral in Belfast, North Ireland. The soldiers were shot 
 to death after being dragged from a car and beaten.
1994 The largest omelet in history was made with 160,000 
 eggs in Yokohama, Japan.
1998 The World Health Organization warned of tuberculosis 
 epidemic that could kill 70 million people in next two decades.
1999 53 people were killed and dozens were injured when a bomb 
 exploded in a market place in southern Russia.
2001 California officials declared a power alert and ordered 
 the first of two days of rolling blackouts.
2002 Operation Anaconda, the largest U.S.-led ground offensive 
 since the Gulf War, ended in eastern Afghanistan. During the 
 operation, which began on March 2, it was reported that at 
 least 500 Taliban and al Qaeda fighters were killed. Eleven 
 allied troops were killed during the same operation.
2014  smiled.


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Microsoft Synctoy Malfunction 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, March 18.

Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for more injections 
into my eyeballs. That means tomorrow evening I won't 
be sending out the Thursday newsletters. 
The same goes for Thursday and Friday.
Saturday evening I will be sending out the Sunday 
newsletters.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Two Teen Girls, who Physically And Sexually Torture Autistic Boy, Force Him To Have Sex With Animal Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) "Talent is a gift, but character is a choice." --- John C. Maxwell
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

>From Rose In his younger days our golden retriever Catcher often ran away when he had the chance. His veterinarian's office was about a mile down the road, and Catcher would usually go there. The office staff knew him and would call me to come pick him up. One day I called the vet to make an appointment for Catcher's yearly vaccine. "Will you bring him," asked the receptionist, "or will he come on his own?"
eStore Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and other malicious programs. Kasperski
>From Howard Growing up as a kid, I learned all about capitalism through the board game Monopoly. I mean, what better way to teach a young mind the way our economy functions. I loved this game and still do. Only now, as an adult I have some questions that remain unanswered. For instance, if I have all this money and own all this real estate...why am I still driving around in a thimble?
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lauren Bush, 17, St. Mary's County, MD. Two Teen Girls Physically And Sexually Torture Autistic Boy, Force Him To Have Sex With Animal Reported by the Weekly Vice Two Maryland teens have been jailed after they allegedly repeatedly abused a 16-year-old autistic boy - physically assaulting him and forcing him to have sex with the family pet. According to police, Lauren Bush, 17, and an unidentified 15-year-old girl, abused, assaulted and tortured the boy over a three month period beginning in December. Investigators say the girls assaulted the boy with a knife, kicked him in the groin, dragged him by the hair and forced him to walk across a frozen pond. The girls then refused to help the boy when he fell through broken ice into the pond. More heinous, the teens allegedly forced the boy to masturbate and have sex with a family pet. The girls reportedly captured the various acts of torture and abuse on their cell phones. An investigation was launched after a mother of one of the suspects found the videos on her daughter's cell phone and alerted the school resource office at Chopticon High School where the girls are both students. Authorities are currently trying to determine why the girls decided to film the acts and if the videos were uploaded to Social Media sites or shared with other students. Bush was charged as an adult with first and second degree assault, false imprisonment and solicitation for child pornography. The unidentified 15-year-old, who was charged as a juvenile, will face the same charges. Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Microsoft SyncToy malfunction Dear Webby: It's Bill with another problem... hope you don't get tired responding... I don't know anyone else who always has a solution. I am trying to schedule "Synctoy", a back-up program from Microsoft, to run daily to back-up my hard-drive. When I check my "Scheduled Tasks" folder I see that Synctoy "Last Run Time" column lists "never" and the "Status" column lists "could not start". I don't know how I messed up on setting this up. I followed all the directions. Thanks again, Bill Dear Bill Synctoy is a Microsoft program, and as such will clash with other Microsoft programs. Some people at Microsoft suggest that you try running it when NO Microsoft programs are running, especially not Internet Explorer or Windows Explorer. Others suggest UNinstalling it and re-installing it, and schedule it to run at boot-up, before anything else starts. That is rather useless, since normally you would back up what work you have done during your shift. Having to shut down and re-start at quitting time, just so that the Microsoft Synctoy has a clean start is rather silly, and will probably get skipped most of the time. Luckily there are plenty of other sync or back-up programs out there, most of them free or included with the better Anti-Malware programs. None of those clash with Internet Explorer or FirFox or Chrome or Opera. Personally, I just use a DOS back-up bat, that uses xcopy and only backs up, what is newer on the source than on the destination. I have used that bat since the late 80's, and I have no desire to replace it with a storebought program. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tips for Staying Alert and Awake While Driving Driving your car for long periods of time, especially at night, can be tiring and even the most careful and attentive driver can become sleepy and less alert. Here are some tips gathered from research on this topic. Be Prepared: Get enough sleep before starting your drive. Schedule Your Trips: Try to schedule your trip during the hours that you would normally be awake. Statistics show that the most dangerous hours to drive are between midnight and 6 a.m. Avoid Taking Medication: Check the labels of your medications, many cause drowsiness. A common culprit is over the counter cold meds. Keep Cool: Make sure that your car is well ventilated and not too warm, even in the winter. Open a window or use your AC. Take Breaks: Short breaks, such as rest area stops or even stopping for a short walk will help keep you alert. A good rule of thumb is to stop every 100 miles or so, sooner if you are feeling tired. Stop to Sleep: When planning your trip, schedule in overnight stops. If you need to stop earlier than planned, due to fatigue, you may be able to make up the time by getting an earlier start in the morning. If you are not able to stop for the night take a nap in a safe place such as a rest area or truck stop. Avoid Drugs: Although they may keep you awake, they will not necessarily keep you alert. Don't Drink and Drive at Any Time: It is well documented that drinking and driving is a very dangerous behavior. These tips were gathered from the Texas Department of Insurance website. By R Barbara [100] For long distance driving or even driving home after work, it is extremely important that you don't have any air flow directed at your face. Air rebounding from the window is worst. It dries out your eyes and makes you sleepy. Use the sun shades to direct the air flow down to your chest. If you forgot and get that "Sandman is calling you to bed" feeling, stop and put some eye drops into your eyes, or rub them until they have been properly moisturized. You don't need fancy or expensive eye drops. The cheapest ones will do just fine, and you can refill them with distilled water. Washing your face at a truck-stop restaurant will work fine too. It is also important that you turn your head as much as you do during daytime driving. Staring at some tail lights for hours can be deadly. Have FUN! DerWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The young son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first time baptism by immersion. He was greatly interested in it, and the next morning proceeded to baptize his three cats in the bathtub. The youngest kitten bore it very well, and so did the younger cat, but the old family tom cat rebelled. The old feline struggled with the boy, clawed his skin, and finally got away. With considerable effort the boy caught the old tom again and proceeded with the "ceremony." But the cat acted worse than ever, clawing and spitting, and scratching the boy's face. Finally, after barely getting the cat splattered with water, he dropped him on the floor in disgust and said: "Fine, be a Methodist if you want to!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

As a professional clown, John entertains groups at parties and company picnics. Once, an inebriated guest began heckling him in the middle of a performance, disrupting his act. Trying to ignore him wasn't working, so he used a different tactic. Slipping his arm around his shoulder, John looked him in the eye and said, "Mister, I get paid to dress up and make a fool of myself - what's your excuse?"
A housewife with three young children was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and she began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her brother and sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work. When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, hon." "Thank goodness, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here!"

» The Strait of Magellan:

Today in 
0037 The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius’ will and proclaims 
 Caligula emperor.
1190 Crusaders killed 57 Jews in Bury St. Edmonds England.
1532 The English parliament banned payments by English 
 church to Rome.
1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood 
 of the Mississippi River.
1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers.
1813 David Melville patented the gas streetlight.
1818 The U.S. Congress approved the first pensions for 
 government service.
1834 The first railroad tunnel in the U.S. was completed. 
 The work was in Pennsylvania.
1850 Henry Wells & William Fargo founded American Express.
1874 Hawaii signed a treaty giving exclusive trading rights 
 with the islands to the U.S.
1891 Britain became linked to the continent of Europe 
 by telephone.
1899 Phoebe, a moon of the planet Saturn, was discovered.
1902 In Turkey, the Sultan granted a German syndicate the 
 first concession to access Baghdad by rail.
1903 France dissolved the Catholic religious orders.
1909 Einar Dessau of Denmark used a short wave transmitter 
 to become the first person to broadcast as a "ham" operator.
1911 Theodore Roosevelt opened the Roosevelt Dam in Arizona. 
 It was the largest dam in the U.S. at the time.
1911 North Dakota enacted a hail insurance law.
1913 Greek King George I was killed by an assassin. 
 Constantine I succeeded him.
1916 Russia countered the Verdun assault with an attack 
 at Lake Naroch. The Russians lost 100,000 men and the 
 Germans lost 20,000.
1917 The Germans sank the U.S. ships, City of Memphis, 
 Vigilante and the Illinois, without any warning.
1921 Poland was enlarged with the second Peace of Riga.
1921 The steamer "Hong Koh" ran aground off of Swatow 
 China. Over 1,000 people were killed.
1931 Schick Inc. displayed the first electric shaver.
1937 More than 400 people, mostly children, were killed 
 in a gas explosion at a school in New London, TX.
1938 Mexico took control of all foreign-owned oil 
 properties on its soil.
1938 New York first required serological blood tests 
 of pregnant women.
1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini held a meeting 
 at the Brenner Pass. The Italian dictator agreed to join 
 in Germany's war against France and Britain.
1942 The third military draft began in the U.S. because 
 of World War II.
1943 The Reich called off its offensive in Caucasus.
1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin.
1949 North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) was ratified.
1952 In Philadelphia, PA, the first plastic lenses were 
 fitted for a cataract patient.
1954 RKO Pictures was sold for $23,489,478. It became the 
 first motion picture studio to be owned by an individual. 
 The person was Howard Hughes.
1959 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Hawaii statehood bill.
1963 France performed an underground nuclear test at Ecker 
 Algeria.
1963 The U.S. Supreme Court handed down the Miranda decision 
 concerning legal council for defendants.
1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to 
 spacewalk when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while 
 in orbit around the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft 
 for about 20 minutes.
1966 The government of Indonesia was formed by General 
 Suharto.
1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1.
1968 The U.S. Congress repealed the requirement for a 
 gold reserve.
1969 U.S. President Nixon authorizes Operation Menue. 
 It was the ‘secret’ bombing of Cambodia.
1970 The U.S. Postal Service experienced the first 
 postal strike.
1971 U.S. helicopters airlifted 1,000 South Vietnamese 
 soldiers out of Laos.
1974 Most of the Arab oil-producing nations ended their 
 five-month embargo against the US, Europe and Japan.
1975 Saigon abandoned most of the Central Highlands of 
 Vietnam to Hanoi.
1975 The Kurds ended their fight against Iraq.
1977 Vietnam turned over an MIA to a U.S. delegation.
1979 Iranian authorities detained American feminist Kate 
 Millett. The next day she was deported.
1980 A Vostok rocket exploded on the launch pad killing 50.
1981 The U.S. disclosed that there were biological weapons 
 tested in Texas in 1966.
1986 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Prince 
 Andrew to Sarah Ferguson.
1986 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that a clear 
 polyester thread was to be woven into bills in an effort 
 to thwart counterfeiters.
1987 The U.S. performed nuclear tests at a Nevada test site.
1989 A 4,400-year-old mummy was discovered at the Pyramid 
 of Cheops in Egypt.
1990 The first free elections took place in East Germany.
1992 Leona Hemsly was sentenced to 4 years in prison 
 for tax evasion.
1992 White South Africans voted for constitutional reforms 
 that would give legal equality to blacks.
1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy.
1997 A Russian AN-24 crashed killing 50 people.
2003 China's new president, Hu Jintao, announced that his 
 country must deepen reforms and raise living standards 
 of workers and farmers.
2014  smiled.


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Floppy Light 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, March 17.

Saint Patrick was a Christian missionary, bishop and 
apostle to Ireland. He was born in the late 4th century.

Patrick began his first mission to Ireland in 432.

On March 17, 461 A.D., St. Patrick died at Saul, 
Downpatrick, Ireland.

On March 17, 1762, in New York City, the first 
St. Patrick's Day parade took place. The parade was 
held by Irish soldiers serving in the British army.

Today March 17 is a day of international celebration,
even in Ireland. 

Until 1970 drinking alcohol was prohibited in Ireland
in honor of St Patrick's death. Rumpr has it, the people
of Ireland has since then made upfor that.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Iowa Man Busted For Craigslist Sex Barter Offer Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1992 - White South Africans approved constitutional reforms to give legal equality to blacks. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

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An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. "No," replied the Irishman. "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" "The cork fell out!" said the Irishman
eStore Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and other malicious programs. Kasperski
>From Cookie In a bid to stem taxpayer losses for bad loans guaranteed by federal housing agencies Fanny Mae and Freddy Mac, Senator Bob Corker (R-Tenn.) proposed that borrowers be required to make a 5% down payment in order to qualify for a loan. His proposal was rejected 57-42 on a straight party-line vote because, as Senator Chris Dodd (D-Conn) explained, "Passage of such a requirement would restrict home ownership to only those who can afford it." The result was history.
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bernard Marsonek, 57, Tampa, Floriduh Jailed for having sex with dog as neighbors pleaded with him to stop Reported by the Weekly Vice Bernard Marsonek, a 57-year-old Florida man, was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly had sex with his - even as neighbors pleaded with him to stop. According to Tampa police, officers were dispatched to Marsonek's residence Tuesday afternoon after neighbors reported that he was having sex with one of his dogs. When officers arrived on the scene, a group of neighbors who witnessed the event pointed officers in Marsonek's direction. The neighbors told investigators that they shouted at Marsonek to stop, but he ignored them and continued to have sex with the animal. Investigators tried to interview Marsonek at the scene, but he refused to cooperate. A gun and ammunition were found inside his residence. Marsonek is a convicted felon who is prohibited from possessing a firearm. Animal services investigators took custody of eight large pit bulls that were found on the property. Marsonek was booked into jail and charged with two counts of a felon in possession of a firearm, animal cruelty and sexual activity involving animals. He was released on Wednesday after posting $17,500 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Floppy Light Dear Webby, this may sound like a silly question but here goes: Walked into the computer room yesterday and the little green light on the floppy disk slot was on, while it was on there was this buzzing sound. Then, after a few seconds the light went out, and the buzzing stopped. A few more seconds after that the light came on, the buzzing started once again. All this only happens for a few seconds. So, I took a floppy disk (which I haven't used in years) put it into the drive and all is well, or seems to be. Question? Will it hurt to keep a disk in the drive? And do you have any idea what might be going on? You're always so knowledgeable that I thot you'd be the only one to know the answer. This is not affecting my computer in any other way, I'm just curious. Thanks for all your help, you are a Godsend Cheers, Wendy Dear Wendy I have not used floppy disks in probably more than 15 years. Still got some shoe boxes full of them, but no drive to read them. It sounds like you or a hacker accidentally tried to save something onto the A: drive. As long as it has finished doing that, there should be no more buzzing or light until you or somebody tries to save something onto the A: drive. Do a full scan and make sure there is no hacker accessing your machine, when you are not looking. Don't leave a floppy inthe A: drive. That is the default boot drive. A hostile program cold make a boot disk, and then next time you reboot, it could trash your C: drive. After letting it finish a save to the A: drive, I would check and probably format that floppy, to make 100% sure it does not hold anything hostile. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting your Camera Protect your camera from the rain, sand, and elements (at the beach, etc.) by putting it in a plastic bag such as a Ziploc bag. You can also have fun and make special effects by putting stickers or sticking objects on the bag when you take your picture. By Carol from Eastern, NC You can get padded camera bags at the Dollar Store and at Garage Sales. With those from garage sales, you might have to fix or replace the zipper, but that is no big deal with SpeedSew or any glue. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks onsumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?" "Nothin' , said the Irishman, "me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So, the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. Again, he fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!" Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said, "What makes you say that?" "The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."
Murphy came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So Murphy tied her up and went to the pub.

» Yosemite National Park

Today in 
0461 - Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul, Ireland. 
 Ireland celebrates this day in his honor.
1756 - St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City 
 for the first time. The event took place at the Crown 
 and Thistle Tavern.
1766 - Britain repealed the Stamp Act that had caused 
 resentment in the North American colonies.
1776 - British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia 
 during the Revolutionary War.
1884 - In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made 
 the first manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider 
 flight in the United States.
1891 - The British steamer Utopia sank off Gibraltar.
1914 - Russia increased the number of active duty military 
 from 460,000 to 1,700,000.
1930 - Al Capone was released from jail.
1944 - During World War II, the U.S. bombed Vienna.
1958 - The Vanguard 1 satellite was launched by the U.S.
1959 - The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) 
 fled Tibet and went to India.
1962 - Moscow asked the U.S. to pull out of South Vietnam.
1966 - A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the 
 Mediterranean off of Spain.
1973 - The first American prisoners of war (POWs) were 
 released from the "Hanoi Hilton" in Hanoi, North Vietnam.
1985 - U.S. President Reagan agreed to a joint study 
 with Canada on acid rain.
1989 - A series of solar flares caused a violent magnetic 
 storm that brought power outages over large regions of Canada.
1992 - White South Africans approved constitutional reforms 
 to give legal equality to blacks.
1995 - Gerry Adams became the first leader of Sinn Fein to 
 be received at the White House.
1999 - A panel of medical experts concluded that marijuana 
 had medical benefits for people suffering from cancer 
 and AIDS.
1999 - The International Olympic Committee expelled six 
 of its members in the wake of a bribery scandal.
2009 - The iTunes Music Store reached 800 million 
 applications downloaded. 

2014  smiled.


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Laptop Function keys 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 15.

Thank you Michael!
Thank You, Margaret!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Iowa Man Busted For Craigslist Sex Barter Offer Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1994 Russia agreed to phase out production of weapons-grade plutonium. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect. --- Ted Turner O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. --- Saint Augustine (354 AD - 430 AD)
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

>From Anna My husband grew increasingly displeased as our teenage daughter and her boyfriend studied in her room late one evening. Finally losing patience shortly after midnight, he knocked sharply on her door. Her boyfriend immediately opened it and asked if something was wrong. "I have to ask you to move your car," my husband told him. "Oh, sure. Is it in someone's way?" "No," he replied, "it's parked in the wrong driveway."
eStore Award-winning antivirus software protects your PC from viruses, Trojans, spyware, rootkits and other malicious programs. Kasperski
45-year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.
Thanks to Dad for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version This one bloomed today!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stan Syring, 37, Marion, Iowa Man Busted For Craigslist Sex Barter Offer Reported by the Smoking Gun In need of a 16-foot trailer for a flat-bottom boat, the Iowa man went on Craigslist and posted an ad proposing a barter deal in the site’s “For Sale/Wanted” section. What Syring allegedly offered in exchange for the trailer resulted in his arrest this week, according to police. The Craigslist post by Syring, a married, 37-year-old father, noted that the boat trailer was needed “asap,” and that the poster “will trade for sex if need be.” After Marion Police Department officers learned of the online ad, they exchanged e-mails with the Craigslist poster discussing whether the offered act would be oral or anal sex. The parties agreed that detail would be settled when they met in person, according to police. During a subsequent meeting with a male undercover officer, Syring “offered his services as a partner in a sex act in exchange for a boat trailer,” according to a District Court criminal complaint. Investigators allege that Syring also agreed to give the cop $25 (in addition to the sex act, which is not further described in court papers). A used 16-foot boat trailer typically sells for several hundred dollars. Syring was subsequently arrested and charged with prostitution. He was booked Monday into the Linn County jail on the misdemeanor count, and was released from custody the following day. Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: Laptop Hotkeys Dear Webby, Hope this finds you in good health and spirits. My question this week is about Hot Keys. My cat walked across my laptop last night and turned on the hot keys? It took me a hour to figure out how to turn the things off and did it accidentally at that. What purpose do they perform and how do i turn them off the correct way? Any assistance would be greatly appreciated. Randall Dear Randall I think you mean Function keys. That is different with different laptops. Check the documentation, that came with THAT laptop. The smaller the keyboard, the more they multi-function the keys. Personally I use a regular keyboard plugged into a USB port and don't use the silly laptop keyboard. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ideas for Using Wire Hangers I had a couple of them in my house, and I was going to throw them out. Then I thought "wait, you recycle other things, think up something for these wire hangers!" So I walked through the house and it hit me, how about using them for hanging up your wreaths, or electric cords in storage? I also use them for hanging my plastic grocery bags, you know the big one. Just hang it up on a nail or hook, and bend the outer part in toward the middle, and there you have it. Simple! By Mardel R. [1] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Mick: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?" Randy: "A little. What's wrong?" Mick: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened." Randy: "How did you load the sheet?" Mick: "It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it and read it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.
The elementary school teacher was trying impress upon the seventh-grade history class how Native Americans must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," said she, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's newest boyfriend."

» Yosemite National Park

Today in 
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England.
1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the 
 Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives.
1527 The Emperor Babur defeated the Rajputs at the Battle 
 of Kanvaha in India.
1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony, 
 later Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan 
 tribe in Maine who spoke English.
1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks after 
 the inauguration of Gomez.
1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated his throne.
1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first 
 liquid-fuel rocket.
1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament.
1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia.
1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. However, 
 small pockets of Japanese resistance still existed.
1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv.
1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on oleomargarine.
1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting 
 mostly of women and children. The event is known as the 
 My-Lai massacre.
1978 Italian politician Aldo Moro was kidnapped by left-wing 
 urban guerrillas. Moro was later murdered by the group.
1982 Russia announced they would halt their deployment of new 
 nuclear missiles in Western Europe.
1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit for 
 human consumption.
1994 Russia agreed to phase out production of weapons-grade 
 plutonium.
1995 NASA astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American 
 to visit the Russian space station Mir.
1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 125,000 
 suspects for 500,000 murders.
1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European Commission 
 announced their resignations amid allegations of corruption 
 and financial mismanagement.
2014  smiled.


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When you can't get your mail out 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 15.

Thank You, Margaret!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Scorned wife, who posted nude pix of husband's girlfriend on FB and got her son to look at them Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high ranking Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of March." Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. --- Willis Player Only sick music makes money today. --- Friedrich Nietzsche If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet. "Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. A half hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there. "No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?" "No, and I don't care." Replied the professor with an air of superiority. "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replied, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julie Ottaviani, 54, Hannover, PA Scorned wife posted nude pix of husband's girlfriend on FB and got her son to look at them Reported by the Huff Post A Pennsylvania woman looking to exact revenge on her husband stole nude photos of his girlfriend, posted them to Facebook, and tricked the other woman's teenage son into looking at them. Ottaviani had agreed to plead guilty to charges of corruption of minors and criminal use of a computer. The irate wife admitted to hacking into her estranged husband's computer and cell phone in January, where she saw and stole naked photos of the man's girlfriend. That's when investigators said Ottaviani created a fake Facebook profile where she posted the images of the naked woman. She then added the woman's 14-year-old teenage son as a friend. Court records said that the teen accepted the request, clicked on the profile, and saw photos of his naked mother, according to KDVR. “I wanted her kid to hurt as much as mine,” Ottaviani said in court documents, according to the Times Leader. When leaving court Ottaviani struck a paparazzi with her purse, getting the entire media mad at her. Hanover Township police are now investigating Tuesday's incident outside the court, and whether or not Ottaviani will face new charges. Tech Support Pits From: Liane Re: Not getting my mail out Dear Webby, I am writing this with gmail, because you and most people don't seem to get mail from my regular business address. What am I doing wrong? Liane Dear Diana Dear Liane Except for Telus, very few ISPs censor outgoing mail. Most likely you are using a childish autoresponder and got blocked and blacklisted by the people who had written to you before. Nowadays autoresponders are only appropriate when they provide real information. A good example is: "Write to ... to get an up to the minute road report from a guaranteed unmonitored and safe autoresponder." Telling somebody that mail arrived and that you may or may not get around to answer it some day, is NOT considered real information. That is considered as dumb a nuisance as any other unsolicited mail. Like me, a lot of people trash mail from autoresponders right on the server, unseen by anybody, and at the same time automatically blacklist the sender. Just dump that blocked and blacklisted address, get a new address and don't use a silly autoresponder on the new one. A vacation autoresponder MAY be tolerated by some people, but an after-hours auroresponder is NOT. Nobody expects you to answer after hours, but that may be the only time, that they can send you requested information. They do NOT want a childish autoresponder telling them that unlike them, you are not working at that time. So in the words of the great philosopher Socratex, "Cut the crap!" Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Take a Solar Yard Light Camping If you are a camper, you have probably at one time or another experienced having a very dark campsite. I have a simple and inexpensive solution for you. Pack one of the solar yard lights to take with you camping. You can purchase them for less than $4 and they give just enough light to make your campsite safe and easy to walk around after dark. If you have tent stakes and you are concerned about your family tripping over the tent ropes after dark, the solar lights are very safe to use as there are no electrical wires or extension cords to deal with. Solar lights are weatherproof and using a couple around your campsite usually are not too invasive to your camping neighbors. They are very handy if you have small children who have to be taken to the restroom during the night in the campground. The solar lights give just enough light to take away the scare of coming and going from the campsite. By Marsha from Greenville, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Having trouble with the doctor's notes on an emergency case which read, "Shot in the lumbar region," the poor girl was flustered and at her wit's end. At last she thought she had it figured out and brightened up as she typed up the record, "Wounded in the woods."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A minister was opening his mail one morning and. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "FOOL". The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their name. "But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter."
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points. After a battery of physical and psychological tests, the center's director told him that he was an acceptable candidate. "That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive." "Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of an electrician's brain costs five thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a politicians brain is seventy-five thousand dollars." "Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a politician's brain? Why on earth is that?" "Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many politicians we would have to kill?"

» Strange Statues

Today in 
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by 
 high ranking Roman Senators. The day is known as the 
 "Ides of March."
1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his 
 first New World voyage.
1778 In command of two frigates, the Frenchman la Perouse 
 sailed east from Botany Bay for the last lap of his 
 voyage around the world.
1781 During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford 
 Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General 
 Cornwallis' 1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of 4,400.
1862 General John Hunt Morgan began four days of raids near 
 the city of Gallatin, TN.
1864 Red River Campaign began as the Union forces reach 
 Alexandria, LA.
1877 The first cricket test between Australia and England 
 was played in Melbourne. Australia won by 45 runs.
1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot 
 voting machine.
1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. 
 It was the first escalator.
1901 German Chancellor von Bulow declared that an agreement 
 between Russia and China over Manchuria would violate the 
 Anglo-German accord of October 1900.
1902 In Boston, MA, 10,000 freight handlers went back to 
 work after a weeklong strike.
1903 The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000 
 square miles were now controlled by the U.K.
1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese 
 shelled Port Arthur in Korea.
1909 Italy proposed a European conference on the Balkans.
1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under 
 General Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit 
 Pancho Villa. The mission failed.
1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated himself and his son. 
 His brother Grand Duke succeeded as czar.
1922 Fuad I assumed the title of king of Egypt after the 
 country gained nominal independence from Britain.
1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage.
1937 In Chicago, IL, the first blood bank to preserve blood 
 for transfusion by refrigeration was established at the 
 Cook County Hospital.
1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia.
1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part 
 of Czechoslovakia.
1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing.
1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four 
 years after the end of World War II.
1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more 
 troops for the fight in Vietnam.
1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil 
 industry.
1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile.
1960 The first underwater park was established as Key 
 Largo Coral Reef Preserve.
1964 In Montreal, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were 
 married.
1968 The U.S. mint halted the practice of buying and selling 
 gold.
1985 In Brazil, two decades of military rule came to an end 
 with the installation of a civilian government.
1989 The U.S. Food and Drug administration decided to impound 
 all fruit imported from Chili after two cyanide-tainted grapes 
 were found in Philadelphia, PA.
1990 In Iraq, British journalist Farzad Bazoft was hanged 
 for spying.
1990 Mikhail Gorbachev was elected the first executive president 
 of the Soviet Union.
1990 The Ford Explorer was introduced to the public.
1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration 
 of independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still in 
 force in the Baltic republic.
1991 Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the 
 beating of Rodney King on March 3, 1991. (California)
1994 U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on nuclear 
 testing until September of 1995.
1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed.
1998 More than 15,000 ethnic Albanians marched in Yugoslavia to 
 demand independence for Kosovo.
2002 Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life 
 sentence in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of 
 Pan Am Flight 103 on December 21, 1988.
2002 In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger. 
 The event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold 
 nationally by a fast food chain.
2002 In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for 
 drowning her five children on June 20, 2001.
2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated 
 Press that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year pledge not to 
 use nuclear arms against states that don't have them.
2014  smiled.


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Why and how to change Virtual Memory on Windows 7 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, March 14.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you Milly!

Pretty, nearly full moon. Would be quite romantic if the
ladies were not scared of me and stayed so far away.
If the temperature were a bit warmer, that might help too.

The moon is "going Over itself", according to the calendar
my dad sent me. "OVER" is good for hanging down pillows,
parkas, jackets and coats out on the line. It is also good
for planting stuff, of which you harvest and eat the above
ground things.

It is a bad time for fertilizing, especially with manure or
septic tank effluent, or for planting stuff that grows 
underground like potatoes or carrots. It is also bad for 
putting firewood into inside storage. That wood will smoke
a lot and not give much heat.

The "Over" and "Under' of the moon has nothing to do with 
how much of it you can see, but with WHERE you see it, on a
high trajectory or a low one.

These are thousands of years old findings and their old 
fashioned farmers almanac is the only source of it that I 
know of. It still works, though!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Teen who torched mom's clothes after she refused to give him money to buy pot Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under President George H.W. Bush. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. --- Scott Adams (1957 - ) Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. --- Dave Barry (1947 - )
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

The stressed-out department store clerk quits and becomes a cop. "How's the new gig?" his friend asks. "The pay is great, and the hours are fine, and I love that the customer is always wrong."
A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'" A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that." The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?" The member of the flock said, "I sure could." "How would you do it?" "With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!"
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Lavender fields in the South of France
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Carter, 17, Houston, Texas Teen Torched Mom's Clothes After She Refused To Give Him Money To Buy Pot Reported by the Smoking Gun Angered that his mother would not give him money to purchase marijuana, the Texas teenager allegedly retaliated by setting her clothes on fire inside the family’s Houston apartment, according to investigators. Carter, 17, allegedly torched the garments Saturday morning, causing minor damage to their residence. A subsequent probe by the Harris County Fire Marshal’s Office determined that “Carter was angry at his mother because she would not give him money so he could buy marijuana, so he started setting her clothes on fire.” Arrested for arson, Carter was booked into the county jail, where he is being held in lieu of $30,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Diana Re: Why increase virtual memory Dear Webby, Just love your newsletter and advice. Can you tell me the benifits of increasing virtual memory? What is your recommendation for the size it should be? Thank you very much, Diana Dear Diana Windows often needs more memory than is available in your RAM chips. Then it declares a part of the hard drive as virtual (fake) memory and parks older stuff from the RAM there, until it is needed again. Your computer will work the best if you set your virtual memory to about four times the amount of RAM you have installed. If you let Windows adjust the size automatically without setting limits, then Windows just keeps hogging more and more space to use for virtual memory. Beyond a certain point that gets very inefficient and slows things down. It's like tools on the workbench. It's handy to have SOME tools within reach, but when the pile of tools on the bench cramps your work space and it takes longer to dig tools out from the pile than it would to get them from their proper drawer, then it's time to set some limits. To adjust those limits, print this out and follow the steps: Open System by clicking the Start button, right-clicking Computer, and then clicking Properties. In the left pane, click Advanced system settings. Administrator permission required If you're prompted for an administrator password or confirmation, type the password or provide confirmation. On the Advanced tab, under Performance, click Settings. Click the Advanced tab, and then, under Virtual memory, click Change. Clear the Automatically manage paging file size for all drives check box. Under Drive [Volume Label], click the drive that contains the paging file you want to change. Click Custom size, type a new size in megabytes in the Initial size (MB) or Maximum size (MB) box, click Set, and then click OK. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dublin Coddle Easily made one-pot meal and very tasty too! This was a traditional Dublin Saturday night supper when people came home from the " Pub". Ingredients: 1 large potato per person 1 small onion per person 1 small carrot per person 2 link sausages per person 2 rashers of bacon per person parsley to taste thyme to taste black pepper to taste Chicken or lamb stock to cover the above Directions: Peel the potatoes, onions and carrots and cut into bite size pieces. Put the carrots, sausages, and bacon slices into your crock or this can be all cooked on the stove top in a pot/skillet. Cover with stock, bring it all to a boil. cook for 30 minutes, then add the herbs, pepper, onions and potatoes, return to the boil and cook gently for 20 minutes. Serve with Irish Brown soda bread, and a glass of Guinness or Smithwicks ale. Slainte Mhaith! (Good Health) Servings: varies Preparation Time: 10 minutes Cooking Time: Approx. 1 hour Source: My late mother's recipe! By Euroserf from Dublin, Republic of Ireland Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Rosie for this story: Having survived my first driving lesson, I emerged from the car to come face to face with a woman standing on the pavement. "A bit nerve-wracking, was it?" she asked. "More than that," I laughed, "My instructor reeks of BO and has a wind problem. No way do I want a lesson from him again!" "I know the feeling," said the woman coolly. "I've been married to him for 20 years.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

There was football game between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals. At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?" "I did" said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too" said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede. "SO WHERE WERE YOU THE FIRST HALF?" demanded the coach. "Well" said the centipede, "I was putting all my boots on. You can't imagine how hard that is when you got a hundred feet, no hands and no help!”
Thanks to Mark for this report: I asked Betty the other day what she liked most about me. "Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?" "Your wacky sense of humor, dear."

» Camouflaged Creatures

Today in 
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom 
 to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty.
1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay Colony.
1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad 
 on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty.
1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin.
1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in 
 East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza.
1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the 
 bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first 
 telephone links across the Channel.
1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard.
1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered Mendel's 
 laws of heredity.
1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would 
 have relaxed restrictions on polygamy.
1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that 
 guaranteed the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama. 
 The Columbian Senate rejected the treaty.
1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until 
 after their war.
1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete 
 with Germany in naval strength.
1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake.
1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method 
 to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a 
 car from 12½ hours to 93 minutes.
1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden 
 off the Chilean coast.
1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, 
 committed suicide.
1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's 
 only judge is God and itself.
1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia 
 declared its independence.
1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was 
 dropped by the Royal Air Force Dumbuster Squad on the 
 Beilefeld railway viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb used 
 during World War II.
1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in 
 the Philippines.
1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held 
 in the U.S.S.R.
1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time 
 during the Korean War.
1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the 
 Batista government of Cuba, thereby helping Castro.
1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship 
 and Cooperation with the Soviet Union.
1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The 
 PLO bases were hit.
1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a 
 Trident aircraft crashed into a factory.
1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency 
 landing near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. 
 boxing team was aboard the plane.
1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria 
 after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 
 54 Pakistani prisoners.
1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first 
 time in its 23-year history.
1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under 
 President George H.W. Bush.
1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their 
 alleged part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a 
 court agreed that the police fabricated evidence.
1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran.
2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan 
 intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. 
 A five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset 
 Ali al-Megrahi 
 was guilty of bringing down the plane over Lockerbie, Scotland.
2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million 
 bail. Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife 
 Bonny Lee Bakley.
2014  smiled.


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When downloads are blocked 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, March 13.

Got the date for the first Cataract operation moved up 
to June!

DJ wrote 
just got home from having mine done. why the long wait?

Because we got Govt Healthcare, like you will be getting,
with Doctor's wages set by the Govt.
Many of the doctors, especially the young and up-to-date 
ones, have fled to Mexico, where they can still charge 
decent wages, and pay off their student loans.

Of course, none of them come back except briefly for 
weddings and funerals. The doctor who will do my operation,
and his trainee/assistants are Asians, filling the vacancies
left by the local doctors, who have fled to Mexico.

The same will happen in the USA

Even though it is rough having to wait that long, I can't
really blame the young doctors. There is simply no way 
that they can pay off the 7 yer party bill, ahem student 
loans, on what they get from Medicare.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Military Contractor Caught Masturbating To Child Porn Inside Car At Colorado Army Base Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up of the Alaskan oil spill. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug. --- John Lithgow Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest. --- Alexandre Dumas The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing. --- Henry S. Haskins
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through the park and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have dinner with me?" The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to a fine restaurant. He ordered a large steak and apple pie for dessert. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?" The old fellow took a large bit of apple pie and replied, "You are the first one today, sir!"
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Francis Calar, 53, Fort Carson, Colorado Military Contractor Caught Masturbating To Child Porn Inside Car At Colorado Army Base A Department of Defense contractor was arrested yesterday morning after a military policeman spotted him masturbating to child pornography inside a car parked at a Colorado Army base. According to a criminal complaint, Francis Calar, 53, was pleasuring himself inside a Ford sedan at 10:30 AM when a military cop approached the vehicle. Calar, seen above, initially did not notice the officer since he was “intently focused on an image on the screen of his laptop computer.” As described in a criminal complaint sworn by FBI Agent Andrew Stearns, Calar--a married father of two boys--was staring at a sexually explicit photo of a young girl. When he spotted the officer, Calar “quickly closed his laptop and threw it on the passenger seat.” After the cop directed Calar to exit his car, he reportedly said, “Yes I know you seen what I was doing and what I was looking at.” In subsequent interviews with law enforcement officials, Calar “advised that he has an active interest in child pornography,” and said that he often parks in the same Fort Carson lot so that he can access an unsecured Internet connection and “visit chat rooms and search for child pornography during breaks from work.” Calar’s Facebook page describes him as a “technical trainer” at Fort Carson. Calar, Agent Stearns reported, was “adamant that his sexual interest in children is purely ‘fantasy.’” He told investigators that he is “active with children” and currently coaches girls volleyball and boys baseball. Additonally, Calar said that he has previously taught Sunday school at his church and recently resigned as the girls volleyball coach at Mesa Ridge High School in Colorado Springs. Charged with possession of child pornography, Calar is scheduled this afternoon for an initial appearance in U.S. District Court in Denver. If convicted of the felony count, he faces a minimum of five years in prison Tech Support Pits From: Heather Re: Downloads Blocked Hi, DearWebby, Love your newsletter! I have an issue with my computer I am hoping you can help me with. A week or so ago, I tried downloading a new workout video and I accepted a couple of their conditions (changing my toolbar, homepage, etc) but their conditions got to be ridiculous and I canceled the download. Then I went and cleaned up / uninstalled the new intrusions. Now I discover that I either accidentialy accepted a virus or I was too aggressive in my clean-up because now I cannot download anything. When I click on a "save file" button, the pop-up screen it was on goes away as it should but otherwise the command is ignored. I've tired downloading several things, including things I'm familiar with downloading, but the arrow in the upper right corner (I have Windows7 and use Firefox) where I usually find my downloads isn't even there anymore. Rebooting the laptop did not help, either. Obviously I cannot try such fixes as reinstalling Firefox or downloading a free version (all I can afford) of the MalwareBytes program so I'm hoping you have some sneaky little fix for me. Thanks so much, I think you're pretty amazing. Heather Dear Heather ... I had various suggestions, that did not work DearWebby, I got it fixed! I went to the Firefox button, help, troubleshooting information, and then "reset Firefox". It saved all my information and then reset itself and the download arrow icon reappeared and it was back to business as usual. Whole thing took about 20 seconds. Now I'll go download an anti-virus program for "just in case". Thanks, Heather Dear Heather Get the free trial of MalwareBytes and run it. SOMETHING nefarious changed your settings, and quite possibly some traces of that are still there. The download arrow is nice, but downloading still should work without the nice arrow showing progress. I have downloaded countless files and programs over the years without that progress arrow. I found that arrow now by right-clicking the top bar and selecting Customize. Dragging it from there up to the top bar was simple enough. Run malwareBytes and make sure, whatever blocked your downloads AND hid that arrow, gets removed. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ball Chain Keychain to Keep Zipper Up Do you have a pair of pants where the zipper seems to always fall down? Here is a quick solution that works really well. Use one of those small ball chain keychains to tether the zipper to your pants button. Simply string the chain through the hole in the zipper tab and attach the ends. Pull your zipper up, slip the keychain over the button, and button your pants. Voila! NOTE: If you find that the keychain is a little too long to keep the zipper at the top, it is easy to cut it to the desired length. By lalala... [420] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the Pearly Gates. The Angel explains that admission requirements are now a bit more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have managed to slip into Heaven without being detected. He queries the first candidate: "What was your annual salary, and what was your profession? "I made $450,000 as an attorney," comes the reply. "You may enter," says the Angel, "take elevator #2.". Second candidate, same question. "I made $95,000, I was a realtor." He is also permitted to enter and was told to take elevator #4 Now it is the third man's turn. "My annual income was $175." "Cool!" replies the Angel, "Walk straight in. All those elevators go down. By the way, what ezine did you publish?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business. "Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That 96' beauty belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there 104' is owned by the head of Goldman, Sachs. And look at that huge 210' yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache." His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "I was just wondering," Morris said. "why aren't there any customers' yachts?"
A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart. Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have todays paper?" The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves."

» Flora, Fona & Peeples too:

Today in 
0483 St. Felix III began his reign as Pope.
0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred.
1519 Cortez landed in Mexico.
1639 Harvard University was named for clergyman John Harvard.
1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in 
 the colony of Virginia.
1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal 
 to high-ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce 
 the American army.
1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus.
1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff.
1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S.
1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from 
 business and that he would spend the rest of his days 
 giving away his fortune. His net worth was estimated 
 at $300 million.
1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country 
 when students refused to sing the Russian hymn 
 "God Protect the Czar."
1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force 
 attack in France.
1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution.
1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been 
 discovered by scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the 
 Lowell Observatory.
1933 U.S. banks began to re-open after a "holiday" that 
 had been declared by President Roosevelt.
1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in 
 Jerusalem confirming some biblical history.
1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion 
 of the U.S.S.R.
1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American 
 troops on Hill 700 in Bougainville.
1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tank units 
 were stationed 20 miles from Tehran.
1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General 
 Draja Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia.
1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations 
 for the cost of caring for war refugees.
1951 The comic strip "Dennis the Menace" appeared for the 
 first time in newspapers across the country.
1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges.
1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave.
1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer.
1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty.
1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries was 
 lifted.
1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up 
 of the Alaskan oil spill.
2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that 
 scientists had found 350,000-year-old human footprints 
 in Italy. The 56 prints were made by three early, 
 upright-walking humans that were descending the side 
 of a volcano.
2014  smiled.


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Scammy virus complaint 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, March 12.

Today I have to drive to Calgary for measurements regarding
my Cataract operation in July.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a N.M. woman jailed for assaulting mother with a vibrator. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that he planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his own bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3 million. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas? --- Jean Kerr Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. --- Ron Nesen
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

"Call me Tex!" was the cowboy's reply. "Well, Tex, where in Texas are you from?" the policeman asked. "Nah, I'm from Louisiana, but Ah shore don't want you to call me Louise!"
Early in the marriage, Helen, the wife's lifelong friend, came to dinner. During the course of the meal, she broke a fork in half. "Don't worry about it, Helen," said the husband. "It's just one of those cheap sets you get for subscribing to that recipe magazine." The wife turned to the husband and announced, "Honey, Helen gave us that set as a wedding gift!"
Click on the picture for the large version Leona, get the kids! They are driving me batty!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jules Bahler, 21, Bay City, Michigan Jailed for Assaulting Mother With Vibrator Cara Claffy, a 35-year-old New Mexico woman, was jailed Sunday after she allegedly assaulted her own mother with a vibrator. According to police, officers were dispatched to an Albuquerque residence Sunday night after Sheryl Claffy, 60, called to report that her daughter, Clara, "struck her on the head with a vibrator" and was attempting to flee the scene. When officers arrived at the residence, Sheryl Claffy pointed them towards a nearby truck and told them that she believed her daughter was inside. Officers noted that Sheryl Claffy was "bleeding profusely" from her head. Officers inspected the truck and found a male driver inside with a vibrator laying on the passenger side floor. Cara Claffy was not inside the truck, however, she was detained moments later as she exited a neighbor's home. During a police interview, Claffy admitted to arguing with her mother but denied striking her with a vibrator. She then insisted that her mother's injury was self inflicted. Officers interviewed Sheryl Claffy who stated that she and her daughter were watching television when an argument ensued. That's when her daughter allegedly picked up a vibrator and struck her in the head with it. Cara Claffy was booked into the Bernalillo County Jail and charged with aggravated battery and domestic violence. Her bond has been set at $3,500. Tech Support Pits From: Clyde Re: Scam virus report Dear Webby, I got two phone calls yesterday from a foreign sounding woman. My cable TV screen gave a name and number, I think area code 717. The one who called said my computer with a windows operating system had a virus or some problem. The first time I just hung up. The second time, an adress came up and she apparently knew my address. It is in the telephone book. I told her I did not have a computer and she seemed confused. I assume it was a scam. Any comments? Clyde Senger Dear Clyde Yes, definitely a scam. Just put them on hold until they hang up. That wastes their time without wasting yours. If your computer was infected and used in a bot-net to attack a server, the attacked server would just block your IP. Since those attacks usually involve tens of thousands of infected computers, it would be impossible to call all of their owners. One of my servers carries maidanua.org, a Human Rights watchdog and reporting site in Ukraine. It is currently under steady attack from huge bot-nets. The bot-nets are tens of thousands of infected computers all ganging up on the Maidan sites, without the owners of those machines knowing about it. Naturally, we use a big Linux machine, that can handle that sustained attack, and as you can see at http://maidanua.org/, it doesn't even slow it down much. The idea of calling tens of thousands of grannies and grampas to tell them, that their Windoze is infected, would just cause some grins here, but nobody would consider doing that. So if some tele-sl** tries to BS you, put her on hold. Scanning your machine on a regular basis ensures, that YOUR machine is not part of a Russian controlled bot-net. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Soap Build Up from Laundry I have a front load washer that saves energy with the water and electricity. I have found that my clothes are in need of softening up. There seemed to be a soap build up in them. I have a "rinse only" button on my machine. I rinse the clothes first with white vinegar to remove any soap build up. Then I wash with 1/2 the soap and fabric softener, plus put the load on a light wash cycle. I have found my clothes are softer and the cost to do a load is less. By Sheila Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Dentist - "Try to relax. I'll pull your aching tooth in five minutes." Patient - "How much will this cost?" Dentist - "It`ll be $100." Patient - "That much for just five minutes work?" Dentist - "Well if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly and make it last half an hour."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if she can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face. "What did you do that for?" the man asks. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore do you?" The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"
>From Edna When my younger brother was very young, he always walked up to the church altar with my mother when she took communion. On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and asked, "What's that latin stuff the priest says when he gives you the bread?" Mom whispered something in his ear. Imagine his shock many years later when he learned that the priest doesn't say, "Be quiet or I'll knock your block off!"

» Pet Power

Today in 
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria.
1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony.
1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II 
 granted land in the New World to his brother James (The 
 Duke of York).
1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for 
 the first time in America.
1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the 
 French to leave the country.
1879 The British Zulu War began.
1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his 
 automatic telephone system.
1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time.
1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for 
 nominal freedom of religion throughout his territory.
1904 After 30 years of drilling, the tunnel under the 
 Hudson River was completed. The link was between 
Jersey City, NJ, and New York, NY.
1905 In Rome, Premier Giovanni Giolli was forced out 
 of office by continued civil strife.
1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to 
 stem the conflict with El Salvador.
1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered 
 the cause of infantile paralysis.
1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original 
 name was Girl Guides.
1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his 
 technique for putting sound on motion picture film.
1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that 
 symbolized his defiance of British rule over India.
1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of 
 the German Republic and ordered that the swastika and 
 empire banner be flown side by side.
1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops 
 entered Austria.
1940 Finland surrendered to Russia ending the 
 Russo-Finnish War.
1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland.
1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" 
 to help Greece and Turkey resist Communism.
1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving 
 the statehood of Hawaii.
1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that 
 he planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his 
 own bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3 million.
1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the 
 Art Institute of Chicago to demand that officials remove 
 an American flag placed on the floor as part of an exhibit.
1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 31 
 major military bases.
1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests.
1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members 
 of NATO. All three countries were formerly members of the 
 Warsaw Pact.
2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family 
 nine months after she was abducted from her home. She had 
 been taken on June 5, 2002, by a drifter that had previously 
 worked at the Smart home.
2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume 
 reconnaissance flights off the coast of North Korea. The 
 flights had stopped on March 2 after an encounter with 
 four armed North Korean jets.
2009 It was announced that the Sear Tower in Chicago, IL, 
 would be renamed Willis Tower. 
2014  smiled.


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Too many Pop-Ups 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, March 11.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a bank robber, who posted a picture of himself and his gun on FaceBook Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It was the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Change your mind ... and EVERYTHING changes. --- Rebecca Fine All phone calls are obscene. --- Karen Elizabeth Gordon "Is this a bad idea? The folks at Sprint announced it is developing a TV cell phone. It will let you watch TV on your cell phone. They have the perfect name for it: 'Nine Dead in Interstate Pileup.'" --- Jay Leno
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it. The man said, "Cure it? How about making it permanent?"
An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clunking noise when going around corners. He took the car out for a test drive and made two right turns, each time hearing a loud clunk. Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager with this note: "Removed water melon from trunk."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jules Bahler, 21, Bay City, Michigan Jailed after Facebook Selfie Sunk Bank Robbery Suspect MARCH 10--A Michigan bank robbery suspect was collared by the FBI after posting a Facebook selfie showing him holding a submachine gun that he allegedly brandished during a holdup last week. Investigators allege that Jules Bahler, 21, robbed three Michigan banks over an eight-day period ending last Wednesday. During the first two heists--at banks in Pontiac--Bahler passed a note to a teller and demanded money. On March 5, Bahler walked into a Chemical Bank branch in Bay City and “displayed what appeared to be a black sub machine gun and demanded money,” according to an affidavit sworn by FBI Agent Sean Callaghan. After a teller gave Bahler $7000, he fled the bank. The prior Pontiac robberies, Callaghan noted, netted Bahler a combined $8300. A police sergeant Thursday pointed the FBI to Bahler’s Facebook page, which included photos of him posing with “what appeared to be a sub machine gun and wearing clothes matching those used in the aforementioned bank robberies,” reported Callaghan. The affidavit does not reveal how the cop identified Bahler as a possible suspect. The photo, seen above, was uploaded to Bahler’s Facebook page on March 5, before the Chemical Bank robbery. Bahler, a Brooklyn native who uses the online handle “King Romeo,” captioned the image, “Bought my first house And chopper today..lifes great.” Upon spotting the image, a friend of Bahler’s cautioned him, “U tripping brotha I wouldn't show that shit off like that cops be watching this shit brotha.” As it turned out, that was wise advice on the part of one “King Machette.” On Friday, investigators conducted a traffic stop on Bahler after they watched him depart his Pontiac home. “A black sub machine gun was found in a duffle bag that was located at Bahler’s feet," Agent Callaghan reported. During a subsequent interview, Bahler waived his Miranda rights and reportedly confessed to all three bank robberies. Bahler (seen above) was named in a two-count felony complaint charging him with bank robbery and carrying a firearm during the commission of a violent crime. He is locked up in advance of a detention hearing scheduled for tomorrow afternoon in U.S. District Court in Detroit. Bahler, who joined Facebook last month, has 206 friends, some of whom claim an affiliation with the Latin Kings street gang. His final Facebook post came Friday, before he was taken into custody by FBI agents and Oakland County sheriff’s deputies. “fleelin like damn,” he wrote. Tech Support Pits From: Dorothy Re: PopUps Dear Webby Could you please help me solve a mystery? I have these horrible pop-ups that along the top and these flashy pop-up along the right bottom corner of my web pages and I can't get rid of them! I've tried eliminating all of the Google advertising everywhere I could remember, but the script is not from Google: Did someone hack into my account and insert this? How do I get rid of them? I sure do appreciate your help in figuring this out and getting rid of the unwanted ads! Thanks again, Dorothy Dear Dorothy I went to http://akwildlife.com/ and all your other beautiful sites, and tried all kinds of pages there, no pop-ups anywhere. Try going to my Humor Letter, http://webby.com/humor and see if you get pop ups there too, If there WERE pop-ups there, there would be ten thousand people screaming at me. I YOU see pop-ups there, then your machine is infected, and the pop-ups are generated in your machine. That will be your proof. Run Spybot-Search&Destroy from my Toolbox at http://webby.com/tools If that does not fix it, then you need the BIG gun. Go back to the Humor Letter at http://webby.com/humor/ and at the top of the right side menu you see a mostly blue button for MalwareBytes. Hit that and get the free trial, or the PRO, if you can afford $30. That will definitely murder the silly pop-ups. It specializes on crap like that. Let me know how you make out with that! Have FUN! DearWebby ========== Reply from Dorothy Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! :-* I bought MalwareBytes and it found 205 programs!!!! =D> Easily worth the money to get rid of them, and, poof! - the pop-ups disappeared!!! Thanks again and have a great weekend!!! Dorothy
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Write "Magic" Messages on Eggs Mix a solution of white vinegar and alum (8:1 ratio). Alum can be found in the spice section. Using a small craft paintbrush, write your message(s) on the shells of eggs. Boil eggs to hard. The writing will appear on the whites of the eggs when they are shelled. By Laura from Long Beach, CA By LuvMyGingerKids Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Groan Alert! A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes. "Oh" said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Marvin found the following ransom note slipped under his front door. "Bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of your country club tomorrow at 10:00 AM if you ever want to see your wife alive again." But it was well after 1:00 PM by the time he arrived at the designated meeting spot. A masked man stepped from behind a bush and demanded, "You're three hours late. What took you so long?" "Give me a break!" said Marvin, pointing to his scorecard. "I'm a 27 handicap."
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened. "Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it." A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom." "Martin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the con- venience store."

» Pet Power
Rocky, Dianne's long time companion, got his wings today.

Today in 
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome.
1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day 
 according to William Shakespeare.
1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs 
 (rebels) and the French government.
1665 A new legal code was approved for the Dutch and English 
 towns, guaranteeing religious observances unhindered.
1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to 
 Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria.
1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian 
 Affairs. Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian 
 to lead the Bureau.
1845 Seven hundred Maoris led by their chief, Hone-Heke, 
 burned the small town of Kororareka. The act was in 
 protest to the settlement of Maoriland by Europeans, 
 which was a breach of the 1840 Treaty of Waitangi.
1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted.
1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic 
 Seaboard shutting down communication and transportation 
 lines. More than 400 people died.(March 11-14)
1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the 
 peace overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger.
1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan 
 purchased Carnegie Steep Corp. The event made Andrew 
 Carnegie the world's richest man.
1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated.
1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California 
 to revoke its anti-Japanese legislation.
1907 In Bulgaria, Premier Nicolas Petkov was killed by an anarchist.
1935 The German Air Force became an official department of the Reich.
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the 
 Lend-Lease Act, which authorized the act of providing war 
 supplies to the Allies.
1946 Communists and Nationalists began fighting as the Soviets 
 pulled out of Mukden, Manchuria.
1946 Pravda denounced Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and 
 a warmonger.
1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks 
 in an effort to end arms smuggling to the South.
1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by 
 getting his 1,000th career goal.
1985 Mikhail Gorbachev was named the new chairman of 
 the Soviet Communist Party.
1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet 
 Union. It was the first Soviet republic to break away 
 from Communist control.
1992 Former U.S. President Nixon said that the Bush 
 administration was not giving enough economic aid to Russia.
1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation 
 Treaty refusing to open sites for inspection.
1994 In Chile, Eduardo Frei was sworn in as President. It was 
 the first peaceful transfer of power in Chile since 1970.
1997 An explosion at a nuclear waste reprocessing plant caused 
 35 workers to be exposed to low levels of radioactivity. The 
 incident was the worst in Japan's history.
2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground 
 zero in New York as a temporary memorial to the victims of 
 the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. 
2014  smiled.


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McAfee slowing down Windows 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, March 10.

Looks like nobody recognized the guy in yesterday's picture.
I had expanded the picture from a thumbnail that Terry had 
sent me. She has now sent me a larger and clearer one. It is 
at 

Click on the picture for the large version

We got a nice Chinook carving the snow and hauling it 
to the East. Toronto and Chicago get ready for an
Alberta Clipper before the end of the week!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a bimbo, who was jailed for incest last week, and now for choking her husband. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to the militants holding American hostages in Tehran. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Men who never get carried away should be. --- Malcolm Forbes "Wal-Mart says it classifies its customers into three groups: brand aspirationals, price sensitive affluents, and value-price shoppers. Wal-Mart says the new categories will replace the old customer classifications: teeth or no teeth." --- Conan O'Brien Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. --- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them from children's church. On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly. "This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands went up. "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)..." The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause)..." Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The pastor breathed a sigh of relief and called on him. "Well," said the boy, "I *know* the answer must be Jesus ... but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"
Thanks to Sandie for bringing back this ancient fable: An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Then, later, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." So they then decided they'd both walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man figured they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well... Kiss your ass goodbye!
Thanks to Terry for this picture of the sunset from my deck last time she visited. Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charlene Ellet, 25, Porter, Texas Bimbo, who was jailed for incest last week, and now again for choking her husband. Reported by the Weekly Vice Charlene Ellet, the 25-year-old Texas woman who was charged with having a sexual relationship with her own brother just a few days ago, is back in jail on new charges. This time for choking her husband. According to the Montgomery County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to a motel room that was shared by Charlene and her husband after her release from jail on March 3. Investigators say the couple was arguing over a cell phone when Ellet reportedly placed her hands on his neck and choked him. The victim, whose name was not released, had scratches and redness on his neck and had a hard time talking due to swelling around his throat, said Lt. Brady Fitzgerald of the Sheriff's Office. "She reportedly had put him in a choke hold," said Fitzgerald. We've identified an unnamed husband as Justin Swartout, who links to Ellet and Beck on his Facebook and announced his marriage to "Riley" on his Facebook profile on January 8. He previously referred to her as "charlene" on a Facebook post a few months earlier. Charlene Ellet was arrested just days earlier after she had initially been detained for shoplifting inside a Porter Walmart. The investigation took a wild turn when Ellet's brother, Cameron Beck, came to the store to look for Ellet with Ellet's twin daughters in tow. When deputies arrived at the store, they searched Beck's car and found a burnt lightbulb and a cut pen which tested positive for crystal meth. At some point during the investigation, Ellet told deputies that Beck came looking for her because he was her brother. The pair was arrested, transported to jail and placed into adjoining cells. While deputies worked to complete paperwork required for the booking process, Ellet and Beck were caught kissing each other on the lips through the bars of their jail cells. A deputy who saw the siblings kissing separated the pair and interviewed Ellet individually about what had just transpired. Ellet told deputies that she and Beck shared the same mother, but had different fathers. She also stated that she had been writing to Beck while he was in prison until he was released last November. She went on to say that she and Beck had been staying in a motel with her twin daughters and that all four of them slept in the same bed. She also admitted to being involved in a sexual relationship with her brother since his release from prison. When deputies questioned Ellet about what the kids were seeing, she explained that she and Beck had placed a partition in the room and that the children would stay on the other side of the partition when she and Beck engaged in intercourse. Other times, she and Beck would just go to the bathroom to have sex. Ellet and Beck were booked into the Montgomery County Jail and charged with possession of a controlled substance and prohibited sexual conduct. Ellet was additionally issued a citation for shoplifting under $50. Ellet now faces new charges in the assault of her husband. She remains held in lieu of $50,000. Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: McAfee slowing down the computer Dear Webby, I became concerned that Microsoft will no longer update "Microsoft Essentials", so I paid for and downloaded McAfee "Total Protection" yesterday from your website. I believe that you recommend this antivirus highly. Since I installed this program, my XP machine has become very sluggish.... almost as bad as when I installed Norton. Any ideas on how I can get my computer back up to speed without uninstalling McAfee? Thanks. Bill Dear Bill Most likely McAfee is busy scanning all your drives. During the scan things slow down. Once the scan has been completed, it will be normal speed again. You can schedule the scan to run at a time, when it doesn't bother you. I know it is a major nuisance when that slowdown happens, and with my long work hours, I can't really escape it. With todays necessity for security, thought, that nuisance is not avoidable. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check the Price at the Pump Don't trust the price on the sign at your local gas station. Always double-check that the price matches that on the pump you're about to use. Hubby recently dashed into a local station where the sign read $3.03/gal. Much to our horror, and after he'd pumped his gas, he looked at the price on the pump. It said $3.89. Needless to say, we won't be going there again! I made hubby confirm the price for me before he pumped a single drop, last time I was with him for a fueling stop. Source: Hubby's recent experience at a local Shell station. By JustPlainJo from Springfield, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing. "Officer," he asks, have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?" "No I haven't. What's the problem?" "The lousy cheat ran out of my shop without paying me!" "Does this fellow have any distinguishing features?" the officer asks. "Well, yes," the barber replies. "He's carrying one of his ears in his left hand."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go. Darryl was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. Darryl said "yes" and the doctor proceeded. "Darryl, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?" Darryl said, "I'd be half blind." "That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?" "I'd be completely blind." The doctor stood up, shook Darryl's hand, and told him he was free to go. On Darryl's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Darryl mentioned the exam to Harold, who was seated in the waiting room. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Harold went into the doctor's office when he was called. The doctor went thru the formalities and then asked, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?" Remembering what Darryl had told him, he answered, "I'd be half blind." The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. "What if I cut off the other ear?" "I'd be completely blind," Harold answered." "Harold, can you explain how you'd be blind?" "My hat would fall down over my eyes."
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing there waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."

» Funny Eatery Signs

Today in 
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the 
 Battle of Aegusa.
0049 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and invaded Italy.
1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the 
 Western Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain.
1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did 
 not call it back for 11 years.
1656 In the American colony of Virginia, suffrage was extended 
 to all free men regardless of their religion.
1785 Thomas Jefferson was appointed minister to France. He 
 succeeded Benjamin Franklin.
1792 John Stone patented the pile driver.
1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase 
 from France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis.
1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered 
 to the British.
1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a combined 
 Allied Army at the battle of Laon.
1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, 
 which ended the war with Mexico.
1849 Abraham Lincoln applied for a patent for a device to 
 lift vessels over shoals by means of inflated cylinders.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call 
 with the telephone. He spoke the words "Mr. Watson, come 
 here, I want to see you."
1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first 
 graduation ceremony because the only graduate was robbed 
 and killed the night before.
1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an earthquake.
1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating 
 machine.
1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at 
 Courrieres.
1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from Siam 
 and Malaya.
1910 Slavery was abolished in China.
1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the 
 Manchu Ch'ing Dynasty.
1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law 
 forbidding late-night work for women.
1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler 
 to speak in public.
1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs.
1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain 
 allowed food to reach France.
1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied 
 the accusation of spying on Allied troops.
1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 
 100,000 were killed.
1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also 
 known as "Axis Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. 
 Gillars was convicted of treason and served 12 years jail.
1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS 
 Missouri. The ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the 
 enemy position. Some may have hit the target.
1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp 
 at Ashau Valley.
1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest 
 U.S. dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its 
 headquarters from Paris.
1971 The U.S. Senate approved an amendment to lower the 
 voting age to 18.
1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese 
 town of Ban Me Thout.
1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to 
 the militants holding American hostages in Tehran.
1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their 
 continued support of terrorism.
1987 The Vatican condemned surrogate parenting as well as 
 test-tube and artificial insemination.
1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months 
 after seizing power in a coup.
1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw 
 540,000 U.S. troops from the Persian Gulf region.
1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal 
 grand jury about the Whitewater controversy.
2014  smiled.


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When Gmail address auto-fill does not work 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, March 9.
Remember to turn your clocks forward, 
if you are in the Americas!

Thank you Sig!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a woman who posted explicit material inside Walmart Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship. --- Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972) It looks like you can have a dictatorship without efficiency too. I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. --- Robert Orben Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought. --- Sir William Osler
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

I saw a vehicle with the license plate ALT F7. That is a WordPerfect command. The truck had to belong to a plumber. Who else would choose the command "Flush Right"?
Carl and a Dave are playing golf. They decide to play for $5 a hole. On the third hole, the Dave hits his ball into the rough. "Help me find my ball; you look over there," Dave says to Carl. After several minutes, neither has had any luck, and, anxious to win, Dave pulls out another ball and drops it on the ground. "I've found my ball!" he announces. Carl looks at him, "After all the years we've been friends, you'd cheat me at golf for a measly five bucks?!?" "Cheat?! I found my ball right here!" "And a liar, too!!!" Carl says with amazement. "I'll have you know I've been standing on your ball since we got here."
My friend terry sent me this picture, that she took in January. Click on the picture for the large version Guess who that is!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Beverly Rolston, 45, Middletown, Ohio Woman Posted Explicit Material Inside Walmart Reported by the Smoking Gun MARCH 7--An Ohio woman was charged yesterday with disorderly conduct for going into a Walmart and distributing sexually explicit material accusing a store exployee of having an affair with her husband. Beverly Rolston, 45, arrived at the Walmart in late-November and headed to the electronics department, where a former friend, 45-year-old Amy Kreiner, worked, police reported. A store surveillance camera recorded Rolston “posting and distributing pictures of Ms. Kreiner with the words ‘Number One Dick Sucker’ and ‘Hide Your Husbands’ written on the pictures,” according to a Middletown Division of Police report. Investigators added that, “Also posted with the pictures is a photo of a female with exposed breasts performing oral sex on a man.” Rolston’s pictures, cops noted, “were posted in plain view of all the public, including children to see.” Rolston entered the Walmart around midnight, so it is unclear how many minors would have been in the electronics department at that hour. When police later confronted Rolston at her home, she confessed to distributing the images. “She advised she was upset with Ms. Kreiner for having a year long affair with her husband,” a cop noted. Rolston’s spouse Robert, 37, confirmed the affair during a conversation with the officer. Rolston was originally charged with pandering obscenities, a felony. However, after her case was bound over to a higher court, a grand jury recently declined to pursue charges. In response, prosecutors yesterday filed a reduced disorderly conduct charge against Rolston. Seen in the above mug shot, Rolston is scheduled for a March 21 arraignment in Middletown Municipal Court on the misdemeanor charge. Tech Support Pits From: Carol Re: Gmail not filling in addresses Dear Webby, Thanks for the Morning gladness. I have fun reading Dear Webby in the morning and often life to send one or two of the tidbits there to friends. Lately my gmail program does not pull up the email addresses when I want to add them to the draft. All that appears in the address line is the first letter of whatever name I want to add. It takes a re-start of the program to get back to normal. It functions for a few days and then it happens again. DO you have any ideas what this could be so I can resolve the issue? Thanks! Carol T Dear Carol That is a browser issue. Hit CTRL and ESC to get the Task Manager. In there hit the PROCESSES tab. You will probably see the browser right on top, with a ridiculously high number of KB Memory usage. Highlight it and click on END THIS TASK at the right bottom. That kills the browser instantly. Wait ten seconds and open the browser again. You will get a white screen saying "Awww, this is embarrassing,...." and lets you choose which of the many open tabs are redundant and lets you weed them out. Then at the bottom hit Restart. The browser will be running lean and fast after that and everything works. Doing it that way, you don't have to worry about losing any open tabs. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sending Get Well Cards Keeping a Towel on Oven Door I had a towel on the oven rack that kept slipping out. Putting it back in was a pain, as the slot between the handle and the door wasn't very wide. So, I got a light bulb over my head! I simply tied a piece of ribbon around it with a knot then a bow. Now it stays in place and I can simply slip it out for washing! Hope this helps! By Sandi from Salem, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

*How Government Works* Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said "someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people. Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary. Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $180,000 over budget, we must cut back overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.
A lady's husband dies. She heads to the funeral home to make arrangements. She's emphatic that the arrangements must be done with elegance, and attention to detail. "For example," she tells the funeral director, "I want no wooden chairs. Only padded ones. All the comforts possible to be extended to the mourners. Have the air conditioning set to a perfect 72 degrees. The flowers should be beautiful, yet not overpowering in their scent." The funeral director takes it all down. The day of the funeral the widow is examining the viewing room. She notices that the funeral director has not yet turned on the air conditioner. She orders the director to turn it on so that when the viewing starts, the room will be a perfect temperature. As soon as the air conditioner is on, though, she notices her deceased husband's hairpiece is flapping in the breeze caused by the air conditioner. "This won't do!" She orders the director to take care of the problem. He assures her that he will take care of it, if she'll just wait in the outer office for ten minutes. She leaves and comes back after exactly 600 seconds. Sure enough, her husband's hair is all in place. A month later, the widow is reviewing the bill for the funeral and she notices there was no charge for the hair problem. She calls to inquire as to why. She's told that it was "on the house." "Nonsense," she retorts, "you expended time and materials and I will compensate you for it. Now, give me a price!" "Ok, madam", the funeral director wearily agrees. He holds the phone away and hollers across the room, "Hey, Charlie, how much did those nails cost to hold that toupee in place last month?"

» Funny Eatery Signs

Today in 
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias 
 Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent 
 in his honor.
1617 The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern 
 Russia by Swedish troops.
1734 The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland.
1745 The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston, MA.
1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in 
 North America. The event was witnessed by George Washington.
1796 Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were 
 married. They were divorced in 1809.
1799 The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of 
 Berlin, CT, for 500 horse pistols at $6.50 each.
1812 Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon.
1822 Charles M. Graham received the first patent for 
 artificial teeth.
1839 The French Academy of Science announced the 
 Daguerreotype photo process.
1858 Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box.
1862 During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and 
 Virginia fought to a draw in a five-hour battle at 
 Hampton Roads, Virginia.
1897 A patent was issued to William Spinks and William 
 Hoskins for cue chalk.
1900 In Germany, women petition Reichstag for the right 
 to take university entrance exams.
1905 In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the 
 royal tombs of Tua and Yua.
1905 In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000 
 Russian troops that were retreating from Mudken.
1911 The funding for five new battleships was added 
 to the British military defense budget.
1916 Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, 
 New Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen.
1932 Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish 
 Free State and pledged to abolish all loyalty to the 
 British Crown.
1936 The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the 
 upcoming elections would be arrested.
1945 During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched 
 incendiary bomb attacks against Japan.
1956 British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop 
 Makarios from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting terrorists.
1957 Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the 
 tolls for the use of the Suez Canal.
1959 Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair 
 in New York.
1964 Production began on the first Ford Mustang.
1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam.
1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected 
 to the United States.
1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline.
1975 Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds.
1977 About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three 
 buildings in Washington, DC. They killed one person and 
 took more than 130 hostages. The siege ended two days later.
1983 The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S. 
 President Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic 
 anti-communism." They gotTHAT right!
1986 U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the 
 space shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the 
 astronauts.
1987 Chrysler Corporation offered to buy American Motors 
 Corporation.
1989 In Maylasia, 30 Asian nations conferred on the issue 
 of "boat people".
1989 In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into 
 bankruptcy.
1989 In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for 
 a mandatory death penalty in drug-related killings.
1995 The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for 
 illegally fishing off of Newfoundland.
2000 In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne 
 Bondevik resigned as a result of an environmental dispute.
2014  smiled.


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Hotkeys and key codes 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 8.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to 3 sisters who beat a teen in their care senseless because of a school suspension. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success - yours or his. --- Franklin P. Jones "If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them." --- Isaac Asimov "Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to." --- Ambrose Bierce
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

The following are purportedly a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (that is, Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) 1. Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? What for? He can't see my license plate. 2. Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do." 3. What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car? Always wear a condom. 4. When driving through fog, what should you use? YOUR car. 5. What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster. 6. What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? I would be forced to drive unlawfully. 7. What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute. 8. What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? The color. 9. How do you deal with heavy traffic? Heavy psychedelics. 10. What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? Carry loaded weapons.
A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? For pete's sakes, get out there and sell him a houseboat!"
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ishiyah McGhee, 30, Janine McGhee, 39, and Moriyah McGhee, 32 in Deltona, Floriduh Three women stripped, beat and whipped a student because she was suspended from school Reported by the Weekly Vice Deltona, FL - Three women have been jailed on child abuse charges after they allegedly stripped a 14-year-old girl down to her underwear and then beat her senseless, because she had been suspended from school. According to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office, Ishiyah McGhee, 30, Janine McGhee, 39, and Moriyah McGhee, 32, allegedly admitted to "disciplining" the girl because she was in trouble at school. Investigators say the incident began Friday morning after a meeting at the school in which the three women learned of the suspension. In the school parking lot, the women slapped the teen, shoved her against several cars and choked her with a necklace. After arriving back at home, the three women became enraged when the teen tried to flee the residence to avoid further beatings. The women chased the teen, grabbing her by the hood of her sweatshirt, and yanked her to the ground. The women then forced the teen to undress so that "she would feel the discipline" she had coming. That's when the women began to punch, kick and beat the victim with belts. The beating continued up until deputies arrived on the scene, according to an arrest affidavit. Deputies arrived to find the teen dressed only in underwear, crying and bleeding from her injuries. The teen was taken to Florida Fish Memorial Hospital, where she was treated for multiple lacerations and welts. Deputies found Janine and Ishayah McGhee inside the residence breathing heavily with belts in their hands. They were taken into custody at the scene. Moriyah was taken into custody a short time later. The three women were booked into the Volusia County Jail and charged with child abuse. All three have since posted bail. Tech Support Pits From: Karen Re: Hot Keys and Key Codes Dear Webby, I have just learned that to hold alt key and type 167 gives the sign for degree, º. Where can I get a list of these shortcuts? Thank you. I enjoy starting my day with you. Karen Dear Karen Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and scroll down to the end. I used to have those files and cheat-sheets spread allo over the site, but have now gathered them all together and put links to them into the toolbox. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sending Get Well Cards When I send get well cards to friends in the hospital, I use their home address as the return in case my card should get there after their release. This way, it still makes it to them without anyone having to look it up. By Barbara Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a deli and he does a double-take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale. The collector says "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish." And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight stray cats, some of them more than once!"
Jane had been driving 16 hours straight and was still at least six hours away from her destination. It was almost eight o'clock in the morning and she was very tired. After dozing off and nearly crashing into a telephone pole, she decided to pull onto a side road and rest. Jane turned off the car and closed her eyes ... drifting off to sleep, precious sleep ... When an old man in a bright blue jogging suit knocked on her window, scaring her half to death. 'Sorry to wake you,' he huffed, jogging in place. 'But can you tell me what time it is?' Jane glanced at her watch. '8:15,' she said through the glass. The old man thanked her, then left. 'Just my luck,' she muttered. 'I'm parked on someone's jogging route.' With a sigh, she settled back into her seat and tried to fall asleep. Two male joggers in their thirties knocked on her window. If she hadn't been really tired, she would have found them cute. Now, they were just annoying. 'Hi,' the blond jogger said. 'Do you have the time?' his brown-haired friend asked. Jane sighed and looked at her watch. '8:19,' she said. 'Thanks,' they said, then jogged off. Jane looked down the road and saw more joggers coming her way. Irritated, she retrieved a pen from the glove box and scrawled 'I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME' on the back of a magazine. She put the hastily constructed sign in the window and settled back to sleep. A thin, pale jogger knocked on the window just as she started dozing off. Jane pointed at the sign and shouted, 'Can't you read?' To which he replied, 'Sure I can, ma'am. I just wanted to let you know: It's 8:27.' Rumor has it, it got rather noisy then.

» Teapots

Today in 
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion.
1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of 
 King William III.
1782 The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians 
 were killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids 
 carried out by other Indians.
1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge 
 at Niagara Falls, NY.
1862 The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched.
1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by 
 Everett Horton.
1894 A dog license law was enacted in the state of New York. 
 It was the first animal control law in the U.S.
1904 The Bundestag in Germany lifted the ban on the Jesuit 
 order of priests.
1905 In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was 
 spreading to Georgia.
1907 The British House of Commons turned down a women's 
 suffrage bill.
1909 Pope Pius X lifted the church ban on interfaith 
 marriages in Hungary.
1910 In France, Baroness de Laroche became the first woman 
 to obtain a pilot's license.
1910 The King of Spain authorized women to attend 
 universities.
1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared 
 that Britain would not support France in the event of a 
 military conflict.
1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and 
 strikes in St. Petersburg. 
1921 Spanish Premier Eduardo Dato was assassinated while 
 leaving the Parliament in Madrid.
1921 French troops occupied Dusseldorf, Germany.
1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first 
 time at Franklin, IN.
1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to 
 extinguish any anti-Nazi protests.
1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon, Burma.
1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in 
 Bougainville. The battle lasted five days.
1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam.
1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction 
 in public schools was unconstitutional.
1953 A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers 
 had quit farming over the last 2 years.
1954 France and Vietnam opened talks in Paris on a treaty 
 to form the state of Indochina.
1959 Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance
1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. 
 They were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam.
1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number 
 of troops in Vietnam.
1973 Two bombs exploded near Trafalgar Square in Great 
 Britain. 234 people were injured.
1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans 
 with poison gas.
1985 The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) reported that 
 407,700 Americans were millionaires.
1988 In Fort Campbell, KY, 17 U.S. soldiers were killed 
 when two Army helicopters collided in midair.
1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three 
 days of protest against Chinese rule.
1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed 
 the firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at 
 the Los Alamos National Laboratory. The firing was a result 
 of alleged security violations.
2001 The U.S. House of Representatives voted for an across-
the-board tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next decade.
2005 In northern Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan 
Maskhadov was killed during a raid by Russian forces.
2014  smiled.


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Lithium laptop batteries on planes 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, March 7.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Kim sent me this link to a close encounter between a young 
elk and a photographer. 


Elk vs Photographer

Unfortunately the young elk's attempts to coax the 
photographer into playing were interpreted by the park 
service as hostile behavior, and the elk was shot.
I guess they have plenty more elk and somebody had a BBQ 
coming up. Still a great video showing what NOT to do with 
elk. Stand up and talk to them! They have always backed off
for me.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Oregon couple, who tried to set a pizza place on fire. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address. --- Lane Olinghouse
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

>From Don Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbour . 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty.'
Click on the picture for the large version Selling the dog on eBay
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Leticia Kagele, 36, and Matthew Bossard, 32, Eugene, Ore Jailed for trying to burn down pizza place with moonshine Leticia Kagele, 36, and Matthew Bossard, 32, were arrested Monday night after allegedly using moonshine to set a pizza restaurant on fire, KPTV reports. Employees of Whirled Pies in Eugene, Ore., said that Kagele and Bossard were drunk and were in the restaurant for "the whole night" prior to the 10 p.m. closing time, according to KMTR. Workers eventually got the pair out the door and locked the restaurant up for the night. But the inebriated couple didn't go quietly. Witnesses said that Kagele and Bossard banged on the door so hard that things inside the restaurant fell to the ground. As staff called police, the couple allegedly smashed through a window. Bossard is said to have grabbed a curtain, made a wick out of it and used it to light a bottle of homemade moonshine on fire. "I thought he was going to blow the place down," employee Soren Kaldaho said. Fortunately, the fire resulted in no serious damage, according to The Register-Guard. The staff of Whirled Pies has apparently kept a great sense of humor about the situation. In a Tuesday Facebook post, they thanked the community for their support and said they would be offering a "flame thrower" pizza this weekend. However, police weren't too amused by the suspects' shenanigans. Both Bossard and Kagele are charged with arson and burglary, while Bossard is facing an additional charge of criminal mischief. Tech Support Pits From: Rita Re: Lithium Batteries Walter, the Stonecarver, also sent the same information. Dear Webby, As to the batteries on a plane, they should not be placed in the checked luggage, but in your carry-on luggage. Flight crew would rather have full access to them in case of fire. This is also a fairly new regulation. The last time I carried batteries in my checked luggage, they were removed and kept. TSA re batteries Rita You can also check SafeTravel These are fairly new regulations mostly based on obsolete information the government has about Lithium natteries. Today's lithium batteries are quite safe, but the TSA will apparently still confiscate and keep them. So, if you have spare laptop batteries, keep them in your carry-on luggage. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lazy Susan for Board Games Use your Lazy Susan for board games, so you can spin the game around for easier viewing for each player's turn. By CDC from FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Don, a Classic: Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur, be careful.' Morris laughed and replied: "Too late! I'll outlive you yet!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Mary for this story: I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that. "Why?" "Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs." At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, "Um, it's on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." "Oh." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "I get it!!!!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy."
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; while his hobby was golf. The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, 'Fore!' His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, 'Four Fifty!'

» A Beavy of Petals

Today in 
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died.
1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce.
1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men 
 massacred more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners.
1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed.
1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved.
1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent (U.S. Patent 
 No. 174,465) for his telephone.
1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok.
1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a 
 black man accused of murder.
1906 Finland granted women the right to vote.
1908 Cincinnati's mayor, Mark Breith announced before the city 
 council that, "Women are not physically fit to operate automobiles."
1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker.
1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent 20,000 
 troops to the border of Mexico.
1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany.
1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia.
1927 A Texas law that banned Negroes from voting was 
 ruled unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court.
1933 The board game Monopoly was invented.
1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 
 276.8 mph in Florida.
1936 Hitler sent German troops into the Rhineland in 
 violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles.
1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea.
1945 During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River 
 at Remagen, Germany.
1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey 
 competition. Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world 
 ice-hockey title in Stockholm, Sweden.
1959 Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a 
 million miles in jet airplanes.
1965 State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march 
 by civil rights demonstrators in Selma, AL.
1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end.
1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos.
1975 The U.S. Senate revised the filibuster rule. The new 
 rule allowed 60 senators to limit debate instead of the 
 previous two-thirds.
1981 Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the 
 kidnapped American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman. 
 The guerrillas accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent.
1987 Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder 
 when he beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round 
 fight in Las Vegas, NV.
1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II 
 massacre in Katyn.
1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke fun 
 at an original work can be considered "fair use" that does 
 not require permission from the copyright holder.
1994 In Moldovia, a referendum was rejected by 90% of voters 
 to form a union with Rumania.
2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than 
 $88 million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a 
 legal battle over the estate of Smith's late husband, 
 J. Howard Marshall II.
2003 Scientists at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center 
 announced that they had transferred 6.7 gigabytes of 
 uncompressed data from Sunnvale, CA, to Amsterdam, Netherlands, 
 in 58 seconds. The data was sent via fiber-optic cables and 
 traveled 6,800 miles.
2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching 
 for extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched 
 from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida.
2014  smiled.


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Camera batteries on airplane flights 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, March 6.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a British woman Jailed for microwaving kitten to death Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official royal Web site. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address. --- Lane Olinghouse
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

Thanks to Martin for this report: The following are real statements found on insurance claim forms. Drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident succinctly. * Coming home, I drove into wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. * I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my head through it. * The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. * The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. * I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. * In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. * I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision, and I did not see the other car. * The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end. * I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in the ditch by some stray cows. * The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. * I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. * I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. * As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian. * My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle. * An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished. * I told the police that I was not injured, but upon removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull. * I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the curb when I struck him. * The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
Thanks to Chuck for this story: I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if pizzas lived in the woods."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Laura Cunliffe, 23, Holyland, England Jailed for microwaving kitten to death Laura Cunliffe, a 23-year-old British woman, pleaded guilty and is now awaiting sentencing after she microwaved a cat to death because the animal attacked her pet goldfish. According to prosecutors, an investigation was launched when Cunliffe admitted to torturing her pet kitten. The admission reportedly came when Cunliffe was visiting a local hospital. During the trial, Cunliffe admitted to placing her 4-month-old kitten into a microwave and then cooking the animal for nearly five minutes in retaliation for attacking her pet goldfish. The kitten was reportedly alive and breathing when Cunliffe removed it from the microwave, however, the animal died about an hour-and-a-half later. "It is a particularly horrendous case because the period of suffering for the kitten would have been awful," said Lynsey Harris of the RSPCA. "The kitten was about four months old and the exposure to the radiation in the microwave would have cooked the animal's internal organs - and that will have been pretty horrendous." Cunliffe's attorney argued that his client suffered from psychosis and depression. The court magistrate, Michael Marks, advised that the court would have to look into Cunliffe's mental health history before sentencing. Cunliffe has already pleaded guilty to a charge of animal cruelty. Sentencing has been scheduled for March 13. Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Camera Batteries Dear Webby, I really enjoy your humor. It is so nice to read good clean jokes & nice pics. I have a question about camera batteries. I have an inexpensive Kodak digital camera & use rechageable batteries in it. Later this year I plan to fly to Calif. I will of course be taking the camera. I plan to pack it in my checked baggage. What I am curious about is it better to take the batteries out of the camera before packing? Also should I do the same w/ the memory card. Thanks for your help. Sharon Dear Sharon The planes they use nowadays are much faster than the stage coach and your flight to California is not going to take much longer than your usual trips to the mall. Don't worry about the the memory chip, but take the batteries out. If you take along a bag full of spare batteries, definitely put them into the checked luggage, along with everything else that might look suspicious on the X-ray. Anything that has an ON/OFF switch shold be securely taped in the OFF position. Luggage is NOT handled gently, and all the stories about electric devices miraculously turning themselves on and causing a lot of embarrassment are not jokes. They ARE TRUE! If there is ANY sound coming from your suitcase, you have to unpack it while surrounded by security guards with explosive shields and drawn guns pointed at you. It even happened to my nephew, when rough luggage handling in Vancouver turned his battery powered razor on. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Your Tank Full Just In Case It's always a good idea to have keep a full tank of gas in your car. In case of a family emergency in the middle of the night, you don't want to run out of gas right in the middle of it and have to search for an open gas station. Also, if the electricity is off in your area, the gas pumps won't be able to work. One of our church members found this out, not long ago, in a citywide power outage. She needed gas and not one gas station was able to allow her to buy, the pumps won't run without electricity. Always be prepared. By Terri from NV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- have you never seen a kid before?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS"
Thanks to Lilly for this story: 10 days after my one-year-old's photo shoot, I returned to the studio to view the pictures on a color monitor. The photographer started describing the merits of each photo, but as he went through the set, he spoke so quickly that I couldn't get a word in as he pressed home his sales pitch. Finally, after we'd seen all 20 poses, he asked me which ones I was most interested in. "None," I replied. "That isn't my child."

» Funny License Plates

Today in 
1521 Ferdinand Magellan discovered Guam.
1834 The city of York in Upper Canada was incorporated as 
 Toronto.
1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Anna and 
 his army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men 
 defeated the 189 Texas volunteers.
1857 The U.S. Supreme Court's Dred Scott decision ruled 
 that blacks could not sue in federal court to be citizens.
1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix Hoffman 
 and Hermann Dreser.
1900 In West Virginia, an explosion trapped 50 coal miners underground.
1901 An assassin tried to kill Wilhelm II of Germany in Bremen.
1928 A Communist attack on Peking, China resulted in 3,000 dead 
 and 50,000 fled to Swatow.
1939 In Spain, Jose Miaja took over the Madrid government after 
 a military coup and vowed to seek "peace with honor."
1944 During World War II, U.S. heavy bombers began the first 
 American raid on Berlin. Allied planes dropped 2000 tons 
 of bombs.
1946 Ho Chi Minh, the President of Vietnam, struck an 
 agreement with France that recognized his country as an 
 autonomous state within the Indochinese Federation and 
 the French Union.
1947 The first air-conditioned naval ship, "The Newport News," 
 was launched from Newport News, VA.
1957 The British African colonies of the Gold Coast and 
 Togoland became the independent state of Ghana.
1960 Switzerland granted women the right to vote in 
 municipal elections.
1960 The United States announced that it would send 3,500 
 troops to Vietnam.
1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson announced his plan to 
 establish a draft lottery.
1970 Charles Manson released his album "Lies" to finance his 
 defense against murder charges.
1973 U.S. President Richard Nixon imposed price controls on 
 oil and gas.
1975 Iran and Iraq announced that they had settled their 
 border dispute.
1980 Islamic militants in Tehran said that they would turn 
 over American hostages to the Revolutionary Council.
1981 U.S. President Reagan announced a plan to cut 37,000 federal jobs.
1987 The British ferry Herald of Free Enterprise capsized in 
 the Channel off the coast of Belgium. 189 people died.
1990 In Afghanistan, an attempted coup to remove President 
 Najibullah from office failed.
1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned 
 the ownership of private property.
1991 In Paris, five men were jailed for plotting to smuggle 
 Libyan arms to the Irish Republican Army.
1992 The computer virus "Michelangelo" went into effect.
1997 A gunman stole "Tete de Femme," a million-dollar 
 Picasso portrait, from a London gallery. The painting 
 was recovered a week later.
1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first 
 official royal Web site.
2014  smiled.


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ClickBook font sizes 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, March 5.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh teen, whose saggy pants trip up his escape attempt after he was handcuffed as a burglary suspect Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough water on the moon to support a human colony and rocket fueling station. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies. --- P. G. Wodehouse (1881 - 1975) No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain you might look good, but all you could run for is public office. --- Covert Bailey (fitness expert) We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic. --- David Russell
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

Thanks to Connie for this story: Two Swedes from Minnesota are sittin' in a boat on Dead Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a sudden Sven says, "I tink I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months." Ole sips his beer and says, "You better tink it over. Women like that are hard to find."
>From Jennifer One day at kindergarten a Teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $10 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." A little Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The Teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct." Then a little Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The Teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either." Finally, a little Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin. Come up here and I'll give you the $10." As the Teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know, Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said 'Jesus Christ'." Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart, I knew it was Moses, but business is business".
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jordan Bodden, 19, Palm Beach, Floriduh Saggy Pants Trip Up Escape Attempt By Handcuffed Florida Burglary Suspect The 19-year-old’s saggy pants stymied an escape attempt Sunday evening after the suspected burglar was detained by Florida cops, according to a police report. After being handcuffed by Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office deputies investigating a series of vehicle break-ins in Lake Worth, Bodden broke away from cops and sought to escape on foot. The teenager’s clothing, however, did not cooperate in the getaway effort. As Bodden fled, his pants slid down to his ankles, causing him to trip (and apparently fall on his face, judging from the above booking photo). Bodden was then scooped up by deputies and charged with three burglary counts, escape, and resisting arrest without violence. He is locked up in the Palm Beach County jail in lieu of $31,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Toby Re: Clickbook Dear Webby, Have some questions about ClickBook printing. When I print the type size is so small I can hardly read it, and when I go to No Scaling, all the sentence is not printed. I cannot find any information on CB help. I know this will reduce the paper saving option, but it will be printed in a more favorable format. Thanks for your daily read. Keep up the good work. Toby Dear Toby Definitely don't use "No Scaling" ! I normally use Side-by-side, folded. Most e-books are formatted so that they wind up with the same font size as regular, store-bought paperback books when printed with ClickBook. (all the Pro's use it.) It has been quite a few years since I had to rip and reformat an e-book. If it is your own writing, for e-books (and anything that is to be printed front and back 4 pages per sheet), use font size 14. Arial, Tahoma and Verdana are the easiest readable fonts. Right now my printer is just a-rocking on the slightly flexible snack cart, that it sits on, printing out an 88 page e-book on 22 sheets of paper. Quite readable even though I had left the printer in toner-saving mode. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Measuring Tape for Clothing Sizing I always travel with a measuring tape and a small note on which I write my measurements, especially. I save both in the plastic yellow egg that comes inside the Kinder chocolate egg. This way I can easily find the egg in my purse; and I don't need to try on clothes or wait for hours for someone to help me to convert inches to centimeters. Also, I don't need to struggle to know my European, U.S. or British size. My mother in law need not set a foot in a department store because I buy all her clothes according to her measurements which I also save in the yellow egg. By Mae from Washington, DC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The band was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The high schoolers, eager to get ready for the first football game, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Little Johnny, could stand it no more. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its fate. "Is it a bee?" Another student asked. "Nope," Johnny replied. "B-flat."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Ina We were thoroughly confused. While transcribing medical audiotapes, my co-worker came upon the following garbled diagnosis: "This man has pholenfrometrie." Knowing nothing about that particular condition, she double-checked with the doctor. After listening to the tape, he shook his head. "This man," he said, translating for her, "has fallen from a tree."
Laura's husband, Ron, was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said Ron. "It's my wife Laura, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have?" asked the banker. "Frankly," replied Ron with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue with you than with her."

» Paint Palettes

Today in 
1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was 
 enacted in Virginia.
1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class 
 was exempted from whipping by legislation.
1766 The first Spanish governor of Louisiana, Antonio de 
 Ulloa, arrived in New Orleans.
1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops 
 fired on a crowd in Boston killing five people. Two British 
 troops were later convicted of manslaughter.
1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege.
1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez 
 invaded Texas for the first time since the revolution. They 
 briefly occupied San Antonio, but soon headed back to the 
 Rio Grande.
1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels 
 to the western U.S.
1867 An abortive Fenian uprising against English rule took 
 place in Ireland.
1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake.
1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt 
 revolutionary disturbances.
1902 In France, the National Congress of Miners decided 
 to call for a general strike for an 8-hour day.
1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 
 40,000 demonstrators were dispersed by troops.
1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs 
 to show support for striking transit workers.
1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for 
 military purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights 
 behind Turkish lines west of Tripoli.
1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd 
 to Moscow.
1922 "Annie Oakley" (Phoebe Ann Moses) broke all existing 
 records for women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100 
 targets.
1923 Old-age pension laws were enacted in the states of 
 Montana and Nevada.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day 
 bank holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from 
 being withdrawn from banks.
1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German 
 parliamentary elections.
1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was 
 celebrated.
1943 Germany called fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds for 
 military service due to war losses.
1946 The U.S. sent protests to the U.S.S.R. on incursions 
 into Manchuria and Iran.
1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in 
 power for 29 years.
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation 
 in public schools.
1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect 
 after 43 nations ratified it.
1976 The British pound fell below the equivalent of $2 for 
 the first time in history.
1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right 
 to display the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas 
 display.
1984 The U.S. accused Iraq of using poison gas.
1993 Cuban President Fidel Castro said that Hillary Clinton 
 was "a beautiful woman."
1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough 
 water on the moon to support a human colony and rocket 
 fueling station.
1998 It was announced that Air Force Lt. Col. Eileen Collins 
 would lead crew of Columbia on a mission to launch a large 
 X-ray telescope. She was the first woman to command a 
 space shuttle mission. 
2014  smiled.


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Moving to a new harddrive 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, March 4.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Wisconsin Woman Offered Sex, $1000 For Fiancé's Murder, all on tape Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons. --- Will Cuppy
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A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me", she told him earnestly. Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes, he replied reathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside and began to massage him. She then asked him: "How does that feel?" To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
>From Rex For a couple years now I 've been blaming this feeling on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 300 million. 167 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes. ------- I have a hunch, those numbers need to be udated a bit.
Thanks to Janina for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version tropical-flowers-in-Port-Douglas-Australia
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jessica Strom, 33, Wausau, Wisconsin Wisconsin Woman Offered Sex, $1000 For Fiancé's Murder, on tape MARCH 3--Though she claimed to be willing to kill her fiancé herself, a Wisconsin woman opted instead to offer an informant $1000 plus sexual favors to carry out the murder, police charge. Jessica Strom, 33, allegedly wanted her beau, lawyer John Schellpfeffer, clipped at his office, according to Wausau Police Department reports. To help guide the gunman, Strom, a mother of three young children, provided a diagram of the 49-year-old Schellpfeffer’s workplace, as well as details about the daily routine of some of the attorney’s neighbors, cops noted. The gunman, Strom remarked, could “blow his brains out and walk out.” Police learned of the murder-for-hire plot last week, when the informant--a former classmate of Strom--contacted investigators. The informant, a licensed pilot, told cops that Strom, seen in the adjacent mug shot, asked to meet in person so that they could discuss a “business proposal.” When they got together last Wednesday evening, the man told cops, Strom asked, “Would you ever kill anybody?” When the pilot said no, Strom replied, “Well, what would it take to do it?” She added, “You’re very thorough and you’re very neat and I think you would be a good person to do this for me.” Strom told the pilot that she had been planning to kill Schellpfeffer for two years, claiming that the “controlling” attorney had “done bad things to her and others.” When the man remarked that she was in control and could “just get out of the relationship if she wanted to,” Strom replied “that wouldn’t give her any satisfaction,” investigators reported. Though the pilot had declined the hit solicitation, Strom asked him to think about it overnight. But, she warned, “Don’t tell anyone about this. I don’t want to have to kill you too.” The man subsequently contacted cops and agreed to record a meeting with Strom. As first reported by the Wisconsin Rapids Tribune, Strom assured the man that the murder would be “easy,” noting that, “I would do it, but I can’t, I’d be the first one they’d come after.” Though he had initially asked for $50,000 to kill Schellpfeffer, the informant told Strom that he would settle for $1000, adding “It’s better than nothing, I guess.” Strom replied, “And some sex!” At some point after the killing, Strom told the informant that she would meet up with him and “pay you and fuck you and whatever.” Before separating, Strom told the pilot, “If you chicken out let me know, okay?” She added, “Because otherwise I’ll set it up with someone else.” Strom’s home was raided by police Thursday night and she was arrested for conspiracy to commit first degree murder, which carries a maximum 60-year prison term. Strom told cops that she was not serious about having Schellpfeffer killed, and had intended to contact the pilot the following day to call off the murder. Locked up in lieu of $250,000 cash bond, Strom is scheduled for a March 12 preliminary hearing. Tech Support Pits From: Charles Re: Move to a bigger hard drive Hi Webby, My Dell 60GB Hard Drive has become noisy and I guessed it was time to exchange it for a larger one so that I could fit in a LINUX partition at the same time. Can I copy the entire contents of the existing drive, now CrapCleaned and Defraggled on to a memory stick and back again on to the new drive. It seems to be a good idea but will it work ? Charles Dear Charles Programs all have to be installed. Very few of them can just be dragged onto a drive. That would not "register" them in the Windows Registry. The only civilized way to do that is to use Roboform's "Move It". Just go to Roboform and from there to "Move It". With "Move It" you can do Multiple Transfer Scenarios­Use PCmover to move from an old PC to a new one, to transfer contents of an old hard drive (or image), or to perform an in-place upgrade even from Windows XP. It is not free, about $30, but well worth it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make a Straw Hole in Water Bottle Lid My 3 year old granddaughter loves that I make a hole the size of a straw in the lid of her bottled water container. It makes drinking so much fun and easier. It also keeps Grandma happy too because there are no spills. By Louella from Billings, MT Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Hilla As an instructional assistant for a public school, part of my job involves teaching small groups of children. One day I was in charge of some second-graders, who were con- centrating on their artwork. As I reached across to help a student, he remarked that something smelled good. I was pleased that he noticed my perfume, until he held a wide felt-tip pen up to his nose and said, "Yep. New markers."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Five Jewish men who influenced the history of Western civilization. Moses said the law is everything. Jesus said love is everything. Marx said capital is everything. Freud said sex is everything. Einstein said everything is relative.
There once was a man who traveled to a strange foreign country, and while he was there he found a strange old lamp of some sort. When he got home he polished off the lamp, and out came a genie. Then the genie said "I'll give you three wishes, but on one condition, your mother in law gets twice as much as you wish." So the man decided for his first wish that he wanted 1 billion dollars, so his mother in law (who lived across the street) got 2 billion dollars. For the man's second wish he decided that he wanted to have a 200 room mansion, so his mother in law got a 400 room mansion. For the man's last wish, he took a long time to think it out, and then he said to the genie, "I wish you tear out one of my kidneys."

» A Fleet of Hooves

Today in 
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA.
1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William 
 Penn for an area that later became the state of Pennsylvania.
1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which had 
 caused bitter and violent opposition in the U.S. colonies.
1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. 
 The French garrison evacuated the city without a fight.
1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was 
 the Granite Railway in Quincy, MA.
1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the "Stars 
 and Bars" flag.
1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone.
1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when 
 the "Daily Graphic" was published in New York City.
1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the Manchurian 
 border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced.
1908 The New York board of education banned the act of 
 whipping students in school.
1908 France notified signatories of Algeciras that it would 
 send troops to Chaouia, Morocco.
1914 Doctor Fillatre successfully separated Siamese twins.
1933 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt gave his inauguration 
 speech in which he said "We have nothing to fear, 
 but fear itself."
1950 Walt Disney’s "Cinderella" was released across the U.S.
1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier," 
 the first seagoing radio broadcasting station.
1952 Ronald Reagan and Nancy Davis were married.
1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the first 
 successful kidney transplant.
1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin.
1994 Bosnia's Croats and Moslems signed an agreement to form a 
 federation in a loose economic union with Croatia.
1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human cloning.
1998 Microsoft repaired software that apparently allowed hackers to 
 shut down computers in government and university offices nationwide.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned 
 on-the-job sexual harassment even when both parties are 
 the same sex.
1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. President 
 Clinton went on sale in the U.S.
2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted 
 government-funded scientists to use embryos left over from 
 fertility treatment or abortions.
2014  smiled.


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Newsletter delivery times 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, March 3.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Teacher - Jailed After Having Sex With Two Students, who talked Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to Huggies Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for diapers had "crossed the line between eye-catching and porn." Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The days of the digital watch are numbered. --- Tom Stoppard (1937 - ) There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class. --- Judith Martin,
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

More Light Bulbs How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday. How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb? One-third less than for a regular bulb. How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end. How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb? Ooooonnnnnnnne. How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a nether world of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness. How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb? Change? How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's not funny! How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. It turned itself in. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but it sure takes a truckload of light bulbs! How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare. How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years. How many college football players does it take to change a light bulb? The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
When this joke was ent to me, it was about Hillary. Since there are no jokes about "The Other Side", I will just use "*Politician*" instead. You can fill in whoever you want. A man walked into a bar in Louisville, Kentucky and ordered a drink. While he was sitting at the bar watching TV, one of *Politician*'s political ads came on. After it went off, he stood up and announced to everyone, "*Politician* is a horse's ass!" The bartender reached under the bar and brought out an oak club about 18 inches long and hit the man square across the head, knocking him off his stool and onto the floor. After a minute or two, the man got up, straightened himself up and said to the bartender, "I'm sorry. I didn't know this was *Politician* country." "It's not!" replied the bartender. "This is horse country".
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Hummingbird nest
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Lombardo, 25, New York Teacher - Jailed After Having Sex With Two Students, who talked Melissa Lindgren, a 28-year-old teacher at Nicolas Junior High School, was jailed Friday after she allegedly had a sexual relationship with two students. According to Fullerton Police, an investigation was launched Friday morning when the alleged victim and a friend reported the sexual abuse to a counselor. During the course of the investigation, a second alleged victim was identified. Lindgren reportedly admitted to the indiscretion, but stated that it was an isolated incident. Not all of her victims were talkers. The ages of the two victims were not released, however, Lindgren is an 8th grade teacher at the school and at least one of the victims appears to be a student of hers. Lindgren was arrested at the school at 4 p.m. Friday afternoon - about 5 hours after the allegations first surfaced. She was booked into jail and charged with six felony counts, including child molestation, child annoyance and dissemination of harmful matter to a minor. She was released after posting $100,000 bond. Her arraignment hearing has been scheduled for April 9. Tech Support Pits From: John Re: Humor Letter delivery times Dear Webby, There are three folks at this address using the same computer and of course the same internet service. The question is why do I receive your Humor letter first via Telus while one using gmail and the other using peoplepc receive your Humor letter later? Just curious. Thank You John Dear John New subscriptions are added to the end of the list. If their gmail address is a few thousand lines farther down, then naturally it will arrive later. Because of the pictures, it takes a few seconds for each letter. If there are time constraints, for example someone trying to get it before going to work, tell me what the address is, and I'll manually move it to the top. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Under Seat Storage for Your Van This was a project stemmed out of necessity but turned into something very handy. I have a van with front seats that sit high on their bases. Both seats are enclosed on the back. The passenger seat has a door on the front but the driver's seat is open. Plenty of room for stuff under the drivers seat. By Suntydt from Tazewell, TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Donnie an old Classic The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship. Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good", said the teacher. Little Debbie was next.. "I sold magazines" she said, " I explained to everyone that the magazines would keep them up to date on current affairs, I sold heaps and I made $45." "Very good, Debbie", said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop, you wanna buy a toothbrush?" I used the POLITICIANS method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Ira and Esther Goldberg had a large family of seven healthy children. They moved to America from Europe and were having a difficult time finding an apartment to live in. Many apartments were large enough, but the landlords objected to such a large family. After several days of unsuccessful searching, Ira asked Esther to take the four younger children to visit the cemetery, while he took the older three to find an apartment. After they had looked most of the morning, they found a place that was just right. The landlord asked the usual question: "How many children do you have?" Ira answered with a deep sigh, "Seven...but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery." He got the apartment!
An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since you have freed me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes." The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, "I'm feeling a might thirsty, I think I'll be wishing for a pint of stout." POOF! There is a pint of stout in his hand. He drinks it down, and starts to throw the bottle, when the genie says, "I'd look at that bottle again before I threw it if I were you." So he looks at the bottle, and it is magically filling back up with stout. The genie told him, "That is a magic bottle, and it will always fill back up after you finish it." The genie then asked, "What other two wishes can I grant for you?" The Irishman looks at the bottle in his hand and says, "I'll be taking two more of these."

» Great Lakes Ice Caves

Today in 
1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill.
1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville 
 to New Orleans was opened.
1845 Florida became the 27th U.S. state.
1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a 
 U.S. President’s veto. It was the first time the Congress 
 had achieved this.
1849 The Gold Coinage Act was passed by the U.S. Congress. 
 It allowed the minting of gold coins.
1857 Britain and France declared war on China.
1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano. 
 The treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, Montenegro, 
 and the autonomy of Bulgaria.
1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work.
1903 In St. Louis, MO, Barney Gilmore was arrested for spitting.
1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants.
1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a 
 political document with Thomas Edison's cylinder.
1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly.
1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with tires.
1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists.
1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and resorted 
 to guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S. intervention.
1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany, 
 Austria and Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation 
 in World War I.
1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key, 
 was adopted as the American national anthem. The song was 
 originally a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry."
1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria.
1945 Finland noticed who was winning and changed sides in WWII
1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law that 
 banned Communist teachers in the U.S.
1956 Morocco gained its independence.
1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he 
 killed Robert Kennedy.
1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War II.
1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10 crashed 
 just after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris.
1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his grave 
 in Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was recovered 11 
 weeks later near Lake Geneva.
1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels final 
 voyage had ended on May 26, 1979.
1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to 
 Huggies Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for 
 diapers had "crossed the line between eye-catching and porn."
1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of 
 $30 million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras.
1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police 
 officers. The scene was captured on amateur video.
1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with 
 the Chiapas rebels.
1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to 
 circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They 
 succeeded on March 20, 1999. 
2014  smiled.


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How to stop Windows Auto-complete 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, March 2.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an "Internet Star", who Received Stiff Prison Sentence for fooling around with underage fans. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source of interior heat. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You can't have everything. Where would you put it? --- Steven Wright (1955 - )
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

The lawyer emailed his client overseas: "Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Shall we order embalming, burial or cremation?" Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order all three."
Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when the decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush. About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighborhood bar for a couple of beers. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti! How about you, how's that toilet brush?" "Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to usin' paper."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version There is spring somewhere!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Lombardo, 25, New York "Internet Star", who Received Stiff Prison Sentence for fooling around with underage fans. FEBRUARY 28--A New York musician whom prosecutors described as an “Internet star” was sentenced this morning to five years in federal prison for exchanging explicit images with underage female fans. During a hearing in U.S. District Court in Syracuse, Michael Lombardo, 25, was sentenced by Judge David Hurd for his guilty plea last year to a felony charge of receiving child pornography. Lombardo, seen at right, will also have to register as a convicted sex offender and serve five years of probation upon his release from custody. In a February 14 sentencing memorandum, prosecutors argued that Lombardo should receive 20 years in prison, the statutory maximum. Lombardo’s lawyers countered that the mandatory minimum, five years, was appropriate punishment. Lombardo, a Berklee College of Music graduate, developed a large following of female teenage fans via a series of YouTube performance videos. Investigators contended that Lombardo, who also worked as a sound engineer at an upstate high school, then “took advantage of his position as an Internet star” to sexually exploit 11 minors (who sent the singer/songwriter sexually explicit photos and videos). Pointing to a September 2010 online conversation with a 16-year-old girl, prosecutors noted that Lombardo was keenly aware that he was violating the law. During that exchange, Lombardo suggested to the girl that she delete chat logs and photos they exchanged since, “that’s like 5 years in federal prison and sex offender registration.” He added, “until you’re 18. Lol.” In a sentencing submission, Lombardo’s lawyer described the convicted felon as a “sought-after musical performer, live and on the Internet, who developed a following of fans, some of whom became ‘groupies.’” The attorney added, “Approximately 80% of the females he engaged in cybersex with were older than 17.” In an interview with a clinical psychologist, Lombardo stated that he was “approached sexually by female fans through the Internet and that he had responded to perhaps 30% of those overtures,” according to the defense’s sentencing memorandum. Lombardo estimated that he engaged in cybersex with “about fifty females and that probably 80% of them were adult.” Lombardo told Dr. Norman Lesswing that his behavior was “stupid and dumb,” though he “denied that he manipulated, coerced or met with any of these females for the purpose of having sexual relations.” In fact, Lombardo added that he had “literally hundreds of opportunities, while touring, to ‘hook up,'” but only did so “with a college student on one occasion.” Tech Support Pits From: Rona Re: Windows Autocomplete Dear Webby, When I go into a paid web site, they ask for my user name and pass word. Once I've supplied this information, my computer asks if I would like to save the info, or it tells me that it is different then what I've already saved. How do I convince Windows to leave me alone? I use IE. Rona Dear Rona Yes, I agree, that auto-complete for forms is a real nuisance. To turn off the autocomplete and save prompts: 1. Click the 'Tools' menu at the top of your browser, and select 'Internet Options.' 2. Open the 'Content' tab at the top of the dialogue box. 3. Click the 'AutoComplete...' button, uncheck the 'User names and passwords on forms' and uncheck 'Prompt me to save passwords' boxes. 4. Click 'OK.' Unless you want to totally disable all password management, I would highly recommend RoboForm. I have relied on it for so long, I would be totally lost without it. I finally got around to putting a link to it in the side menu. It's a free and zero fuss download. If you have for example half a dozen different PayPal accounts for different departments, RoboForm doesn't just automatically log you into the first one, like Windows does. It offers you a list of your PayPal accounts and lets you select which one you want. Select one, then hit "Fill and Submit" and you are logged into the correct one. The same with Google. If you are subscribed to a bunch of different discussion groups, RoboForm shows you your list of Google accounts and lets you select the right one. Whatever site you go to, RoboForm shows you just the accounts that you have at that site. You can also easily edit each account or delete obsolete ones. If you don't see the side menu, click here to get RoboForm Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving a Wet Cellphone I have saved my cellphone three times from certain death and I wish to pass along the technique. I dropped it once into a puddle under a vacation home I had rented, a fluke happening as I was looking at the rainwater puddling under the home. Two other times I stupidly dropped the phone into the toilet because I bought the cheap belt holder and it flipped out as I stood up. You have to immediately pop the battery off of the phone, you have about 5 seconds before the water infiltrates the chip and fries the electronics. Practice this ahead of time so you know how to do it quickly. You now have some time to locate a hair dryer, after you kick yourself for being clumsy. Set the hair dryer on medium and proceed to dry the phone and battery for about 15 minutes. Relax and time your rescue and consider how much money you are saving, not to mention the hassle of going to the phone store and paying to replace the phone. If the phone is too hot to touch you are too close, you aren't trying to cook it, just dry it out, back off and turn the phone around every 30 seconds or so. After the 15 minutes, reattach the battery and you should be good to go. There is a little white patch inside the battery compartment that turn colors if it gets wet. This alerts the phone company if you try to pass the phone off as faulty instead of admitting you accidentally dropped it in the toilet. This technique has not failed me yet. Good luck and buy the more expensive belt holder. By Kenorri from Maryland Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Martin for this story: Priceless, even though it's a classic TAIL GATING: A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. "I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' License plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday- School' bumper Sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, Naturally... I had to assume you had stolen the car."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the councelor. "How did you do it?" "I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a chicken."
Lynne was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?" "Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!" "Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question." "I object!" the defense said again. "No, really," said Lynne. "I'll answer." The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object." So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?" Lynne replied brightly, "I don't remember! Ask me where I was last night!"

» Tiny Huts

Today in 
1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the 
 importation of slaves".
1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and 
 an ad interim government was formed.
1866 Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine 
 needles.
1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation that would 
 have required a literacy test for immigrants entering 
 the country.
1901 The first telegraph company in Hawaii opened.
1901 The U.S. Congress passed the Platt amendment, which 
 limited Cuban autonomy as a condition for withdrawal 
 of U.S. troops.
1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in 
 New York City. The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first 
 hotel exclusively for women.
1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional 
 color photography at the Academy of Sciences.
1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II 
 abdicating.
1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship 
 with the enactment of the Jones Act.
1925 State and federal highway officials developed a 
 nationwide route-numbering system and adopted the 
 now familiar U.S. shield-shaped, numbered marker.
1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world 
 premiere in New York.
1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam.
1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in 
 Fort Worth, TX. The American plane had completed 
 the first non-stop around-the-world flight.
1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport 
 Concorde made its first test flight.
1986 Corazon Aquino was sworn into office as president 
 of the Philippines. Her first public declaration was 
 to restore the civil rights of the citizens of her country.
1987 The U.S. government reported that the median price 
 for a new home had gone over $100,000 for the first time.
1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations 
 all agreed to ban all production of CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) 
 by the end of the 20th century.
1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev 
 was killed by a gunman in Moscow.
1998 The U.N. Security Council endorsed U.N. chief Kofi 
 Annan's deal to open Iraq's presidential palaces to arms 
 inspectors.
1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated 
 that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a 
 source of interior heat.
2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had 
 discovered evidence that water had existed on Mars 
 in the past.
2011 Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's iPad 2. 
2014  smiled.


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Windows slowing after Updates 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 1.
To celebrate the begin of March we got an inch of powder 
snow overnight, and clear skies with sunshine in the morning.
By noon, when I walked to the post office and back, it had 
warmed up to -27 with just a light wind. At the post office
I remembered that I had lent the car to Barb, and that the
post office box key is on the car key ring. 

And no, they did not give me my mail. I guess, that would 
be too much like customer service.

It is cooling off drastically now, and I have a hunch Barb 
will be needing the car again at 4:45 am. I am going to 
start it and warm it up, just in case. Sure is a lot easier
with remote start than it used to be in the 70's, 80's
and 90's in the Yukon.

There the procedure was getting elbowed and reminded to go
start the truck, because it was 3 or 4 hours since the last
start, dressing up and shuffling out to the truck, putting 
the tiger torch and stove pipe under the truck and plywood
all around it, and going back inside for a coffee.

Ten, fifteen minutes later I'd go out there with my thermos
mug and a warm pillow, because sitting on the hard, frozen
seat is rather uncomfortable. After that it usually started
quite nicely. Then I just sit in the truck, sip my coffee,
watch the northern lights and wait for the engine to warm up.

With a carpet in front of the radiator and over the engine 
that usually only took fifteen minutes. The cab didn't really
warm up till spring, but as long as the engine temperature 
was at a quarter, that was good enough. 

Then I could stomp back toward the house, give each of the 
dogs some obligatory petting on the way by, and finally get
back inside and warm up. 

Surprisingly, that seemed quite normal and no big deal.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a guy in Floriduh, who claimed he thought Cocain was not illegal in Floriduh. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied forces were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
People want economy and they will pay any price to get it. --- Lee Iacocca (1924 - ) "Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are afraid they will be." --- Lionel Barrymore
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

A man moved into a nudist colony. He received a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cut a photo in half, but accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo. He was really worried when he realized that he sent the wrong half, but then remembered how bad his grandmother's eyesight was, and hoped she wouldn't notice. Aftera couple of weeks he got a letter from her. It said, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style! You definitely got the Hinkley nose, but your hair style makes your nose look too short. Love, Grandma"
TOP 15 BIBLICAL WAYS TO ACQUIRE A WIFE 1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) 2. Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3) 3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock - Moses (Exodus 2:16-21) 4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10) 5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25) 6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you. - Adam (Genesis 2:19-24) 7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's ri! ght. Fourteen years of hard labor for a wife. - Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30) 8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. - David (I Samuel 18:27) 9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain (Genesis 4:16-17) 10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. - Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4) 11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." - Samson (Judges 14:1-3) 12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though=). - David (2 Samuel 11) 13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) - Onan and Boaz (Deuterono! my or Leviticus, example in Ruth) 14. Don't be so picky. Ma ke up for quality with quantity. - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3) 15. A wife?...NOT! - Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
Thanks to Janina for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Near Ayers Rock
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Guy Lanchester, 46, Key West, Floriduh Man Arrested For Cocaine Possession Thought Drug 'Wasn't Illegal In Florida.' A man arrested Sunday for cocaine possession told police in Key West that he "thought cocaine wasn't illegal in Florida," NBC Miami reports. He was wrong. Ignorance aside, authorities still arrested Guy Lanchester, 46, charging him with cocaine possession and felony tampering with evidence. Police say that Lanchester was caught suspiciously tossing a small plastic bag filled with white powder behind a planter. In fact, cocaine is very illegal in Florida and elsewhere. It is a schedule II substance under the Controlled Substances Act. Tech Support Pits From: Carol Re: Slower after every Microsoft Update Dear Webby, Rousing thinder and lightning storm woke me early this AM. Turned on the computer and after a re=boot it is behaving somewhat normally. It does seem slower after every MSFT update though. THanks again. Carol Dear Carol Yes, I noticed that too with Microsoft updates, especially with their frantic attempts to slow downXP to the speed, -or lack thereof-, of W7. Soon they will start slowing down W7 to the crawl of W8. If you have an XP, hang on to it! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gargle With Salt Water At the first sign of a sore throat, gargle with a warm solution of salt and water. Salt is very healing. Then call the doctor. If it is strep throat you need to get on antibiotics immediately. My son has had a problem with strep throat all of his life. (He is now 34.) Usually the doctor will swear on his diploma that it isn't strep. My son has to insist on having a culture. (the test for strep.) It always comes back positive, so if you are concerned that the doctor could be wrong, you might have to push him along. Source: Salt water gargle has been recommended for generations, and the doctor will usually suggest it. By hopeful from Salem, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old overheard some of her parents' private conversations. One day when Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little girl if she was excited about the new baby. "Oh, yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and if it's a boy we're going to call it quits!"
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a dozy to explain the bandage on my crown. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! the garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" She pleaded "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second." So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements. Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to contort inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed. Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a step-by-step manner. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is alarmed. It was a dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek great heights to escape, I never made it that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter. At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" If they had only known.

» Orange It Is:

Today in 
1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique 
 on his way to India.
1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 
 Huguenots. The event started the First War of Religion.
1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 
 the Salem witch trials began. Four women were the first 
 to be charged.
1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman
1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of 
 the Mameluke dynasty.
1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. 
 He had been forced to abdicate in April of 1814.
1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy.
1869 Postage stamps with scenes were issued first time.
1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of 
 Yellowstone National Park. It was the world's first 
 national park.
1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the 
 manufacturing the first practical typewriter.
1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the 
 forces of Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. The 
 Italians were defeated.
1900 In South Africa, Ladysmith was relieved by British 
 troops after being under siege by the Boers for more 
 than four months.
1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews 
 left due to evacuations.
1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump 
 from a moving airplane.
1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank.
1937 U.S. Steel raised workers’ wages to $5 a day.
1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile 
 license plates were issued.
1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station 
 W47NV began operations.
1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the 
 Tripartite Pact.
1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations.
1949 Joe Louis announced that he was retiring from boxing 
 as world heavyweight boxing champion.
1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic 
 secrets to the Soviet Union.
1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a 
 hydrogen bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean.
1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile.
1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President Kennedy.
1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. 
 It was the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the surface 
 of another planet.
1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese 
 technicians to leave the country.
1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of 
 the U.S. Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group 
 protesting the Vietnam War claimed responsibility.
1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic 
 riots between Armenians and Azerbaijanis.
1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council 
 imposed a curfew on minors.
1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a 
 majority of the Moslem and Croatian communities voted 
 in favor of Bosnia's independence.
1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from 
 Yugoslavia.
1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of 
 food stamp recipients had reached a record number of 
 26.6 million.
1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort 
 to placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre.
1995 Yahoo! was incorporated.
1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four 
 other bombs went off in the capital.
1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by 
 Hutu rebels.
2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied 
 forces were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters.
2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22 
 different organizations around the government became part 
 of the Department of Homeland Security.
2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani 
 agents near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind 
 behind the terrorist attacks on the United States on 
 September 11, 2001.
2014  smiled.


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Quicken and Picasa for Linux
     
     
 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, February 28.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you Chief Jim!
Thank you, Ron!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Illinois couple tried to stiff cabbie after sex in the cab Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated in Stockholm. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
No one can really pull you up very high-- you lose your grip on the rope. But on your own two feet you can climb mountains. --- Louis Brandeis
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

>From Glen autocorrect gone wrong A man received the following text from his neighbor: I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been 'tapping' your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: "Damn 'autocorrect'. I meant 'WIFI', not 'wife'.
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous -- yes. The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar -- effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff." "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. "Take care of the rocks first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version This one bloomed today: Ripsalis-guenteri2
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew Vukovich and Stefanie Herringer Couple Tried To Stiff Taxi Driver After Sex Session In Rear Of Illinois Cab Perhaps they thought the performance was payment enough. An Illinois cab driver recently called police to complain that a couple who had just finished having sex in the rear of his cab were refusing to pay the $83 fare. Hack Faisal Kokazeh, 28, told Orland Park Police Department officers that passengers Andrew Vukovich and Stefanie Herringer claimed they were unable to pay him at the conclusion of a recent 3:30 AM ride. Kokazeh noted that he “witnessed both Andrew and Stefanie perform intercourse in the back of the van,” and “simply wanted both of them out of the taxi, and the fare paid,” according to a police report. Vukovich and Herringer, an officer reported, smelled of booze and “were producing incoherent sentences, attempting to gather clothing that was strewn throughout the taxi.” And neither of them “had a purse or wallet on their person.” The couple, who had been driven by Kokazeh to Vukovich’s home, avoided arrest when Vukovich, seen above, “was able to obtain his mother’s credit card” to pay for the fare. Apparently he lives at his mother's place. Herringer, who police believed needed medical treatment "due to ... incoherent statements, inability to walk without assistance, constant change in emotion, and pale appearance," was treated at the scene, then transported to the police department until a relative could pick her up. Tech Support Pits From: Fred Re: Quicken on Linux Dear Webby, I bought a used Dell Optiplex760 without an operating system. I put Linux Mint15 and Opera on it. It does great on the web. I can't find a suitable replacement for Quicken (Deluxe98) and Picasa3. Is there a way around this without going to Windows? I would appreciate any help you can give me. Thanks, Fred Dear Fred You can use CodeWeaver's Crossover https://www.codeweavers.com/compatibility/browse/name/?app_id=10748 and install Quicken 2013. Most likely you can install your ancient 1898 version too. Picasa is a different story. Google has stopped supporting Picasa for Linux a couple of years ago. The Windoze version is still supported, but it would be a good idea to look for an alternative. There are plenty of those in Linux. If you HAVE to use Picasa, install it with WINE. Here is how to install it onto Mint15: Picasa onto Mint15 For those of you, who are not Penguins (Linux Fans), Mint15 is a popular flavor of Linux. Unlike with Microsoft, that dictates which operating system is good for their Asian computer factories, ahem, is good for you, There are hundreds of different "flavors" or versions of Linux, all of them free. Some versions like "Puppy" are so compact, that you can have it on a key fob thumb drive or camera chip. At the opposite end is CentOS, that is used on Millions of web servers. You probably have never visited a web site, that was not on a server powered by CentOS Linux. For home use, though, Mint15 is much friendlier. Ubuntu is also quite popular. If you consider trying Linux with a Live CD, without giving up Windows, find a Linux user in your area and start with whatever flavor she or he recommends. You can always experiment and try other flavors later. Most people do. But start with whatever your "mentor" uses. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Towel for a Makeshift Bib When you need to protect your clothing while eating, use a towel with binder clips as a "bib". Tie the ends of a lightweight cord or yarn, long enough to go around your neck plus a bit more, to two binder clips. Using a small towel or something of that nature, attach the binder clips to two corners and you have a quick "bib" for whenever you are eating something messy. Detach when done, wash the "bib" and either take apart the "bib" holder or put away for another time. I would use this for an older child. I don't know if it would be safe for a baby or toddler because of the metal clips. By Mkymlp from NE PA Electronic Test leads with alligator clips on each end work even better. They come in assorted bright colors ten per bag for less than a binder clip. And if they get left on accidentally and go through the wash and the dryer, they don't suffer and they don't make a racket and they don't damaage other items. Get the shortest ones they have at your electronics store. Have FUN! DerWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Chanow and his drinking buddy are sitting at a bar . See those guys over there ? Chanow says." I'm going over there and ask them what they think of Slobovians." Chanowki walks up to the two guys sitting at the other end of the bar and asks them what they think of Slobovians. One of the men gives Chanow the finger. The middle finger. Chanow then walks back to his drinking buddy. "Well , what do they think of Slobovians?'' he asks. "We're still number one , " replies Chanow.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Wife: I want to know if I have grounds for a divorce. Lawyer: Are you married? Wife: Yes, of course. Lawyer: Then you have grounds.
>From Dianne I was having trouble with my computer. So I called my friend Richard, the computer geek, to come over. Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "Yo, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID ten T error? What's that .. in case I need to fix it again?" Richard grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote down. I D 1 0 T ....IDIOT.... I used to like Richard

» Hot Air Balloons

Today in 
1827 The Baltimore & Ohio Railroad became the first railroad 
 incorporated for commercial transportation of people 
 and freight.
1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn 
 arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California 
 had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 
 4 months and 21 days.
1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 
 50 slavery opponents began the new political group.
1893 Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum.
1956 A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory core.
1974 The U.S. and Egypt re-established diplomatic relations 
 after a break of seven years.
1983 "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program in 
 history when the final episode aired.
1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated 
 in Stockholm.
1993 U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed 
 religious cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest 
 the leader of the Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on 
 federal firearms charges. Four agents and six Davidians 
 were killed and a 51-day standoff followed.
1994 NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16 
 fighters shot down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation 
 of a no-fly zone over central Bosnia.
1998 Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out "terrorist gangs" 
 in the Yugoslav province of Kosovo.
2014  smiled.


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XP fear mongering 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, February 27.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Floriduh teacher's Aide Jailed for Bottomless DUI Safari Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush announced live on TV that "Kuwait is liberated." Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent. --- Langston Coleman
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

>From Walter, the Stonecarver at http://stonecarver.com The current phone number for Obamacare (Obama's healthcare) now is 1-800-318-2596 which spells out 1-800-f1uckyo Not as naughty. Sorry about the misinformation yesterday!
He was on the bus where he normally gets his lunch stolen when he brought out a bottle that had what looked like small brown balls in it. He then, making sure no one was looking, secretly took from his pocket some milk duds and started popping them in his mouth, as obvious to the rest of the kids as possible, making yum yum noises. The bully, without asking, snatched the jar from Ken's hand and asked, "What's in the bottle that you are making such a big deal of?" "Well, they're smart pills." "Smart pills?" the bully asked, then opened the jar and popped a couple of the foreign brown balls in his mouth. "Pweeuuweppblahhh!!" he reacted. "What is this stuff? It tastes like rabbit turds!!" "Do you eat a lot of rabbit turds to be able to recognize them so quickly? Or are you getting smarter already?"
Thanks to Janina for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Tropical flowers in Port Douglas, Australia
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristi Steuber, 41, Wesley Chapel, Floriduh Jailed for Bottomless DUI Safari Kristi Steuber, a 41-year-old teacher's aide at Paul R Smith Middle School, was jailed Saturday after she was allegedly caught driving drunk with no pants on. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, Steuber was stopped early Saturday morning when a deputy clocked her traveling 69 miles-per-hour in a 55-mph zone. When the deputy approached the driver's window and smelled the odor of alcohol, Steuber was asked to step out of the vehicle to complete a field sobriety test. That's when the deputy realized that Steuber was completely nude from the waist down. Steuber, according to the arrest affidavit, didn't realize that she had no pants on. Deputies pointed out her lack of clothing four times before she finally understood what they were saying and put some pants on. Steuber's blood alcohol level was measured at 0.135 and 0.137 after failing a field sobriety test. She was booked into the Pasco County Jail and charged with DUI. Tech Support Pits From: Darla Re: XP fearmongering Dear Webby, I wrote to you back in January regarding the no support issue for XP after April 8th. I’ve been reading more info & getting more confused. I have a couple of question’s to ask you because I don’t want to have to buy a new computer right now. If I keep my old computer with XP & continue to use Internet Explorer & Outlook Express (Also use Kasperksy) will I be ok from Hacker's etc ? Or would I be any safer using Chrome as my default browser while still using Outlook Express ? A employee at a "store" that sells computers said I could keep XP and change to Chrome and still be able to use Outlook Express for my mail. Thank you so much for your time, Darla Dear Darla Your XP with Kasperski and IE and Outlook Express will continue to function as usual. Just because you are cute and sexy, that does not mean the hackers will stop trying to break into banks and government, and suddenly focus on you. Keep in mind that industry and commerce uses 55% Linux and 45% XP. The ones that use XP all have a Linux "Live CD' in a drawer and can switch to Linux in minutes. All the store POS (Point Of Sale) machines run fine on Linux, but nobody in their right mind would try to run them on W7. For W7 and W8 they would have to replace the machines. While that would delight Microsoft and their Asian computer manufacturing businesses, industry and commerce does not consider that a justifiable business expense, not when everything runs just fine on XP or Linux. Any hostile action by Microsoft against XP users will just drive Industry and Commerce to Linux. So, don't panic about the sales hype. Outlook Express is on Death Row. It would probably be a good idea to start getting used to an email program, that is viable. I still use Eudora, and have since 1993. The modern version of it, using the source code of it, is Thunderbird. I have never heard anything bad about it. You might want to look at Thunderbird and get familiar with it. The major difference between Eudora and Thunderbird is that Thunderbird has a Linux version. That way, if you some day have to replace your XP when it dies of old age, and you get fed up with W8 and switch to Linux, you are already comfortable with the email program. The same goes for browsers. FireFox is the same on Windows and Linux. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Toothbrush In Cabinet We have all heard keeping a toothbrush in the vicinity of a flushing toilet is not good, as it can catch what sprays into the air, ick! So, all it takes is a wood bathroom cabinet and cup hooks, problem easily solved. By linda h. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A nurse noticed a man in golf attire pacing up and down out- side the operating room where another golfer who had a golf ball driven down his throat, was being treated. "Is he a relative of yours?" the nurse, stepping outside the room, asked the pacing golfer. "No," replied the man, "That's my ball!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Casey When I was a child my family used to sometimes take our vacations, in British Columbia. In those days all Canadians appreciated their American neighbors. We had a favorite place to visit, mostly because of the fine fishing. It was at a Lake that was about 30 miles long and a 1/2 mile wide. While we were around our campfire in the evening the local Indians would go from camp to camp selling their wares. They would also tell of the Legends of the area. This one Legend always stuck in my mind. It seemed that on this particular Lake two Indian Tribes made their homes. They were, however, at War, with one another from years before. There was an Indian Maiden in one Camp who was in love with a young Brave in the other Camp. They used to stand, on the shore, each on their respective side of the Lake, and chant Indian love calls to each other...even though they were warned by their Chiefs that nothing could ever come of it. One day they just could not stand being apart any longer. That evening, on a cold Fall night, they each jumped into the Lake and swam towards each other in the Moonlight. When they reached each other in the center of the Lake, they embraced and eventually froze to death. This act so im- pressed the Brave's Tribe that they named the Lake after the young man. I will never forget those wonderful vacations that we spent at "Lake Stupid".
THESE ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS: Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle. When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

» Tiny Shacks:

Today in 
1700 The Pacific Island of New Britain was discovered.
1801 The city of Washington, DC, was placed under 
 congressional jurisdiction.
1827 New Orleans held its first Mardi Gras celebration.
1861 In Warsaw, Russian troops fired on a crowd protesting 
 Russian rule over Poland. Five protesting marchers were 
 killed in the incident.
1867 Dr. William G. Bonwill invented the dental mallet.
1883 Oscar Hammerstein patented the first cigar-rolling 
 machine.
1896 The "Charlotte Observer" published a picture of an 
 X-ray photograph made by Dr. H.L. Smith. The photograph 
 showed a perfect picture of all the bones of a hand and 
 a bullet that Smith had placed between the third and 
 fourth fingers in the palm.
1900 In South Africa, the British received an unconditional 
 surrender from Boer Gen. Piet Cronje at Paardeberg.
1933 The Reichstag, Germany's parliament building in Berlin, 
 was set afire. The Nazis accused Communist for the fire.
1939 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed sit-down strikes.
1949 Chaim Weizmann became the first Israeli president.
1951 The 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified, 
 limiting U.S. Presidents to two terms.
1973 The American Indian Movement occupied Wouned Knee in 
 South Dakota.
1981 Chrysler Corporation was granted an additional $400 million 
 in federal loan guarantees. Chrysler had posted a loss of 
 $1.7 billion in 1980.
1986 The U.S. Senate approved the telecast of its debates 
 on a trial basis.
1990 The Exxon Corporation and Exxon Shipping were indicted 
 on five criminal counts in reference to the 1989 Exxon 
 Valdez oil spill.
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush announced live on TV
 that "Kuwait is liberated."
1997 In Ireland, divorce became legal.
1998 Britain's House of Lords agreed to give a monarch's 
 first-born daughter the same claim to the throne as any 
 first-born son. This was the end to 1,000 years of male 
 preference.
2002 In Boston, twenty people working at Logan International 
 Airport were charged with lying to get their jobs or 
 security badges. 
2014  smiled.


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How to delete redundant mailboxes in Eudora 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, February 26.

In spots that are sheltered from the wind, the sun has
already quite noticeable warmth, even at -26.
With the hood up, back to the wind, face to the sun, 
it is actually quite pleasant. 
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Floriduh woman called 911 twice for sex Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 - In Oregon, a health panel rules that taxpayers must help to pay for doctor-assisted suicides. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. --- Bill Cosby (1937 - ) Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. --- Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC)
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

>From Tom The phone number for Obamacare (Obama's healthcare) is 1-800-382-5968 or 1-800 Fuck You Very thoughtful of them to pick a number, that is easy to remember!
Thanks to Kati for this story: People frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "Nazi." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had an Obama bumper sticker. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
Thanks to Janina for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Tropical flowers in Port Douglas, Australia
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Maria Montanez-Colon, 58, Punta Gorda, Floriduh Floriduh woman called 911 twice for sex A Florida woman who described herself as “horny” was arrested Friday after calling 911 to summon a police officer to her home, where she aggressively pawed and propositioned him and announced, “I haven’t been penetrated in years.” Maria Montanez-Colon, 58, initially called police Friday night regarding a family dispute over ownership of a Corvette that belonged to her late husband (who she said was a former New York Police Department officer). When a Punta Gorda Police Department cop arrived at her residence, a tipsy Montanez-Colon began hitting on him, according to a police report. Pictured above, Montanez-Colon reportedly told Officer Justin Davoult, “You are so sexy,” and asked about his marital status. She also announced, “I haven't been penetrated in years,” and “I am so horny.” Davoult, 31, noted that, “I asked her what I could help her with and she stated ‘You can fuck me.’” In addition to the verbal come-ons, Montanez-Colon allegedly tried to rub the cop’s chest and grab his arm. After Davoult told Montanez-Colon that her behavior was inappropriate, she stated, “I’m bad, I know.” Less than an hour after Davoult departed her home, Montanez-Colon again called 911, announcing that the cop had “pissed her off” and she “wanted to see another officer.” Davoult and a police lieutenant responded to the emergency call. Montanez-Colon told the lieutenant that Davoult had been “a perfect gentleman, but when I asked him to fuck me, he turned me down so that made me angry.” When Davoult then asked Montanez-Colon whether she recalled their prior conversation about misuse of the 911 system, she answered, “I do, but how else am I going to get you to fuck me?” Montanez-Colon was then arrested for making false 911 calls, a misdemeanor, and booked into the Charlotte County jail, where she remains locked up. Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Delete redundant mailboxes in Eudora Dear Webby, Per your recommendation I've been using Eudora for a number of years. I've set up numerous mailboxes to retain information. I would like to delete some of those mailboxes but cannot figure out how to do it. I've searched Eudora 'help', and FAQ's to no avail. I've deleted all the mail in the mailboxes but cannot delete the box from my listing. Peace Frank Ark City Dear Frank Click on TOOLS Mailboxes highlight an obsolete mailbox hit Delete You will get a little warning pop-up telling you, that it will be permanent and not reversible, Hit OK. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Vacuum To Clean Vacuum Filter I own a vacuum cleaner that has a dust bin instead of using a bag. It contains a cylindrical fluted filter which is rather difficult to clean. I usually clean by banging it on a cement wall outside. However, we have so much snow this winter here in ND, there is no good place to do this outside. What to do...? I solved the problem by vacuuming the filter using my upstairs vacuum cleaner. This worked so well that I won't go back to doing it outside any more. The upstairs vacuum cleaner has a sponge-like filter and I can clean that one with my downstairs vacuum cleaner. I believe I will also clean the fluted filter on my Dustbuster that way. By Judy from Valley City, ND For health considerations, the filters should be blown off in a reverse direction, outside. Many vacuum cleaners have an air outlet, where you can plug a hose in to use as a blower. You don't need compressed air for that or a leaf blower, just any old vacuum cleaner, that has an Air-OUT fitting for the hose. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda..."The Apostles were in one Accord."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

That reminds me of this story: A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the bible a little, and get your hair cut; then we'll talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if he could use the car. His father said, "Son, I'm really proud of you. You brought your grades up, studied the bible well, but you didn't get your hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went."
Our Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric wing of the hospital. When a new baby was brought into the nursery, all the women tried to guess its weight, but the guy standing next to me was the only male to venture a number. "Looks like 9 pounds," he offered confidently. "This must not be your first," I said. "Oh, yes," he said. "It's my first." "Then how would you know the weight of a baby?" I asked. He shrugged. "I'm a fisherman."

» Butterflies

Today in 
1815 - Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. 
 He then began his second conquest of France.
1848 - The second French Republic was proclaimed.
1870 - In New York City, the first pneumatic-powered 
 subway line was opened to the public.
1907 - The U.S. Congress raised their own pay to $7500.
1916 - Mutual signed Charlie Chaplin to a film contract.
1919 - In Arizona, the Grand Canyon was established as a 
 National Park with an act of the U.S. Congress.
1929 - U.S. President Coolidge signed a bill creating the 
 Grand Teton National Park.
1930 - New York City installed traffic lights.
1933 - A ground-breaking ceremony was held at Crissy Field 
 for the Golden Gate Bridge.
1945 - In the U.S., a nationwide midnight curfew
1952 - British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announced 
 that Britain had developed an atomic bomb.
1986 - Corazon Aquino was inaugurated president of the 
 Philippines. Long time President Ferdinand Marcos 
 went into exile.
1987 - The Tower Commission rebuked U.S. President Reagan for 
 failing to control his national security staff in the wake 
 of the Iran-Contra affair.
1987 - The U.S.S.R. conducted its first nuclear weapons test 
 after a 19-month moratorium period.
1991 - Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced on Baghdad Radio 
 that Iraqi troops were being withdrawn from Kuwait.
1993 - Six people were killed and more than a thousand injured 
 when a van exploded in the parking garage beneath the World 
 Trade Center in New York City. The bomb had been built by 
 Islamic extremists.
1998 - A Texas jury rejected an $11 million lawsuit by Texas 
 cattlemen who blamed Oprah Winfrey for price drop after 
 on-air comment about mad-cow disease.
1998 - In Oregon, a health panel rules that taxpayers must 
 help to pay for doctor-assisted suicides.
2009 - Former Serbian president Milan Milutinovic was acquitted 
 by the International Criminal Tribunal for the former 
 Yugoslavia regarding war crimes during the Kosovo War.
2009 - The Pentagon reveresed its 18-year policy of not 
 allowing media to cover returning war dead. The reversal 
 allowsd some media coverage with family approval.
2014  smiled.


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