When you can't get your mail out 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 15.

Thank You, Margaret!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Scorned wife, who posted nude pix of husband's girlfriend on FB and got her son to look at them Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high ranking Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of March." Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. --- Willis Player Only sick music makes money today. --- Friedrich Nietzsche If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the local university. The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. A half hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet. "You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated sarcastically as he handed the student a booklet. "Yes I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing. A half hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there. "No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know WHO I am?" "No, and I don't care." Replied the professor with an air of superiority. "Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replied, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julie Ottaviani, 54, Hannover, PA Scorned wife posted nude pix of husband's girlfriend on FB and got her son to look at them Reported by the Huff Post A Pennsylvania woman looking to exact revenge on her husband stole nude photos of his girlfriend, posted them to Facebook, and tricked the other woman's teenage son into looking at them. Ottaviani had agreed to plead guilty to charges of corruption of minors and criminal use of a computer. The irate wife admitted to hacking into her estranged husband's computer and cell phone in January, where she saw and stole naked photos of the man's girlfriend. That's when investigators said Ottaviani created a fake Facebook profile where she posted the images of the naked woman. She then added the woman's 14-year-old teenage son as a friend. Court records said that the teen accepted the request, clicked on the profile, and saw photos of his naked mother, according to KDVR. “I wanted her kid to hurt as much as mine,” Ottaviani said in court documents, according to the Times Leader. When leaving court Ottaviani struck a paparazzi with her purse, getting the entire media mad at her. Hanover Township police are now investigating Tuesday's incident outside the court, and whether or not Ottaviani will face new charges. Tech Support Pits From: Liane Re: Not getting my mail out Dear Webby, I am writing this with gmail, because you and most people don't seem to get mail from my regular business address. What am I doing wrong? Liane Dear Diana Dear Liane Except for Telus, very few ISPs censor outgoing mail. Most likely you are using a childish autoresponder and got blocked and blacklisted by the people who had written to you before. Nowadays autoresponders are only appropriate when they provide real information. A good example is: "Write to ... to get an up to the minute road report from a guaranteed unmonitored and safe autoresponder." Telling somebody that mail arrived and that you may or may not get around to answer it some day, is NOT considered real information. That is considered as dumb a nuisance as any other unsolicited mail. Like me, a lot of people trash mail from autoresponders right on the server, unseen by anybody, and at the same time automatically blacklist the sender. Just dump that blocked and blacklisted address, get a new address and don't use a silly autoresponder on the new one. A vacation autoresponder MAY be tolerated by some people, but an after-hours auroresponder is NOT. Nobody expects you to answer after hours, but that may be the only time, that they can send you requested information. They do NOT want a childish autoresponder telling them that unlike them, you are not working at that time. So in the words of the great philosopher Socratex, "Cut the crap!" Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Take a Solar Yard Light Camping If you are a camper, you have probably at one time or another experienced having a very dark campsite. I have a simple and inexpensive solution for you. Pack one of the solar yard lights to take with you camping. You can purchase them for less than $4 and they give just enough light to make your campsite safe and easy to walk around after dark. If you have tent stakes and you are concerned about your family tripping over the tent ropes after dark, the solar lights are very safe to use as there are no electrical wires or extension cords to deal with. Solar lights are weatherproof and using a couple around your campsite usually are not too invasive to your camping neighbors. They are very handy if you have small children who have to be taken to the restroom during the night in the campground. The solar lights give just enough light to take away the scare of coming and going from the campsite. By Marsha from Greenville, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Having trouble with the doctor's notes on an emergency case which read, "Shot in the lumbar region," the poor girl was flustered and at her wit's end. At last she thought she had it figured out and brightened up as she typed up the record, "Wounded in the woods."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A minister was opening his mail one morning and. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "FOOL". The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their name. "But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter."
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points. After a battery of physical and psychological tests, the center's director told him that he was an acceptable candidate. "That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive." "Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An ounce of accountant's brain for example, costs one thousand dollars; an ounce of an economist's brain costs two thousand; an ounce of an electrician's brain costs five thousand; an ounce of a corporate president's is forty-five thousand. An ounce of a politicians brain is seventy-five thousand dollars." "Seventy-five thousand dollars for an ounce of a politician's brain? Why on earth is that?" "Do you have any idea," the director asked, "how many politicians we would have to kill?"

» Strange Statues

Today in 
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by 
 high ranking Roman Senators. The day is known as the 
 "Ides of March."
1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his 
 first New World voyage.
1778 In command of two frigates, the Frenchman la Perouse 
 sailed east from Botany Bay for the last lap of his 
 voyage around the world.
1781 During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford 
 Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General 
 Cornwallis' 1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of 4,400.
1862 General John Hunt Morgan began four days of raids near 
 the city of Gallatin, TN.
1864 Red River Campaign began as the Union forces reach 
 Alexandria, LA.
1877 The first cricket test between Australia and England 
 was played in Melbourne. Australia won by 45 runs.
1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot 
 voting machine.
1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. 
 It was the first escalator.
1901 German Chancellor von Bulow declared that an agreement 
 between Russia and China over Manchuria would violate the 
 Anglo-German accord of October 1900.
1902 In Boston, MA, 10,000 freight handlers went back to 
 work after a weeklong strike.
1903 The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000 
 square miles were now controlled by the U.K.
1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese 
 shelled Port Arthur in Korea.
1909 Italy proposed a European conference on the Balkans.
1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under 
 General Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit 
 Pancho Villa. The mission failed.
1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated himself and his son. 
 His brother Grand Duke succeeded as czar.
1922 Fuad I assumed the title of king of Egypt after the 
 country gained nominal independence from Britain.
1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage.
1937 In Chicago, IL, the first blood bank to preserve blood 
 for transfusion by refrigeration was established at the 
 Cook County Hospital.
1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia.
1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part 
 of Czechoslovakia.
1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing.
1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four 
 years after the end of World War II.
1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more 
 troops for the fight in Vietnam.
1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil 
 industry.
1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile.
1960 The first underwater park was established as Key 
 Largo Coral Reef Preserve.
1964 In Montreal, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were 
 married.
1968 The U.S. mint halted the practice of buying and selling 
 gold.
1985 In Brazil, two decades of military rule came to an end 
 with the installation of a civilian government.
1989 The U.S. Food and Drug administration decided to impound 
 all fruit imported from Chili after two cyanide-tainted grapes 
 were found in Philadelphia, PA.
1990 In Iraq, British journalist Farzad Bazoft was hanged 
 for spying.
1990 Mikhail Gorbachev was elected the first executive president 
 of the Soviet Union.
1990 The Ford Explorer was introduced to the public.
1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration 
 of independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still in 
 force in the Baltic republic.
1991 Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the 
 beating of Rodney King on March 3, 1991. (California)
1994 U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on nuclear 
 testing until September of 1995.
1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed.
1998 More than 15,000 ethnic Albanians marched in Yugoslavia to 
 demand independence for Kosovo.
2002 Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life 
 sentence in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of 
 Pan Am Flight 103 on December 21, 1988.
2002 In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger. 
 The event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold 
 nationally by a fast food chain.
2002 In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for 
 drowning her five children on June 20, 2001.
2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated 
 Press that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year pledge not to 
 use nuclear arms against states that don't have them.
2014  smiled.


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Why and how to change Virtual Memory on Windows 7 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, March 14.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you Milly!

Pretty, nearly full moon. Would be quite romantic if the
ladies were not scared of me and stayed so far away.
If the temperature were a bit warmer, that might help too.

The moon is "going Over itself", according to the calendar
my dad sent me. "OVER" is good for hanging down pillows,
parkas, jackets and coats out on the line. It is also good
for planting stuff, of which you harvest and eat the above
ground things.

It is a bad time for fertilizing, especially with manure or
septic tank effluent, or for planting stuff that grows 
underground like potatoes or carrots. It is also bad for 
putting firewood into inside storage. That wood will smoke
a lot and not give much heat.

The "Over" and "Under' of the moon has nothing to do with 
how much of it you can see, but with WHERE you see it, on a
high trajectory or a low one.

These are thousands of years old findings and their old 
fashioned farmers almanac is the only source of it that I 
know of. It still works, though!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Teen who torched mom's clothes after she refused to give him money to buy pot Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under President George H.W. Bush. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. --- Scott Adams (1957 - ) Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking. --- Dave Barry (1947 - )
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

The stressed-out department store clerk quits and becomes a cop. "How's the new gig?" his friend asks. "The pay is great, and the hours are fine, and I love that the customer is always wrong."
A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'" A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that." The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?" The member of the flock said, "I sure could." "How would you do it?" "With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!"
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Lavender fields in the South of France
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Carter, 17, Houston, Texas Teen Torched Mom's Clothes After She Refused To Give Him Money To Buy Pot Reported by the Smoking Gun Angered that his mother would not give him money to purchase marijuana, the Texas teenager allegedly retaliated by setting her clothes on fire inside the family’s Houston apartment, according to investigators. Carter, 17, allegedly torched the garments Saturday morning, causing minor damage to their residence. A subsequent probe by the Harris County Fire Marshal’s Office determined that “Carter was angry at his mother because she would not give him money so he could buy marijuana, so he started setting her clothes on fire.” Arrested for arson, Carter was booked into the county jail, where he is being held in lieu of $30,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Diana Re: Why increase virtual memory Dear Webby, Just love your newsletter and advice. Can you tell me the benifits of increasing virtual memory? What is your recommendation for the size it should be? Thank you very much, Diana Dear Diana Windows often needs more memory than is available in your RAM chips. Then it declares a part of the hard drive as virtual (fake) memory and parks older stuff from the RAM there, until it is needed again. Your computer will work the best if you set your virtual memory to about four times the amount of RAM you have installed. If you let Windows adjust the size automatically without setting limits, then Windows just keeps hogging more and more space to use for virtual memory. Beyond a certain point that gets very inefficient and slows things down. It's like tools on the workbench. It's handy to have SOME tools within reach, but when the pile of tools on the bench cramps your work space and it takes longer to dig tools out from the pile than it would to get them from their proper drawer, then it's time to set some limits. To adjust those limits, print this out and follow the steps: Open System by clicking the Start button, right-clicking Computer, and then clicking Properties. In the left pane, click Advanced system settings. Administrator permission required If you're prompted for an administrator password or confirmation, type the password or provide confirmation. On the Advanced tab, under Performance, click Settings. Click the Advanced tab, and then, under Virtual memory, click Change. Clear the Automatically manage paging file size for all drives check box. Under Drive [Volume Label], click the drive that contains the paging file you want to change. Click Custom size, type a new size in megabytes in the Initial size (MB) or Maximum size (MB) box, click Set, and then click OK. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dublin Coddle Easily made one-pot meal and very tasty too! This was a traditional Dublin Saturday night supper when people came home from the " Pub". Ingredients: 1 large potato per person 1 small onion per person 1 small carrot per person 2 link sausages per person 2 rashers of bacon per person parsley to taste thyme to taste black pepper to taste Chicken or lamb stock to cover the above Directions: Peel the potatoes, onions and carrots and cut into bite size pieces. Put the carrots, sausages, and bacon slices into your crock or this can be all cooked on the stove top in a pot/skillet. Cover with stock, bring it all to a boil. cook for 30 minutes, then add the herbs, pepper, onions and potatoes, return to the boil and cook gently for 20 minutes. Serve with Irish Brown soda bread, and a glass of Guinness or Smithwicks ale. Slainte Mhaith! (Good Health) Servings: varies Preparation Time: 10 minutes Cooking Time: Approx. 1 hour Source: My late mother's recipe! By Euroserf from Dublin, Republic of Ireland Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Rosie for this story: Having survived my first driving lesson, I emerged from the car to come face to face with a woman standing on the pavement. "A bit nerve-wracking, was it?" she asked. "More than that," I laughed, "My instructor reeks of BO and has a wind problem. No way do I want a lesson from him again!" "I know the feeling," said the woman coolly. "I've been married to him for 20 years.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

There was football game between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals. At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss. The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?" "I did" said the centipede. "Who stopped the rhino?" "Uh, that was me too" said the centipede. "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?" "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede. "SO WHERE WERE YOU THE FIRST HALF?" demanded the coach. "Well" said the centipede, "I was putting all my boots on. You can't imagine how hard that is when you got a hundred feet, no hands and no help!”
Thanks to Mark for this report: I asked Betty the other day what she liked most about me. "Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?" "Your wacky sense of humor, dear."

» Camouflaged Creatures

Today in 
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom 
 to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty.
1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay Colony.
1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad 
 on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty.
1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin.
1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in 
 East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza.
1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the 
 bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first 
 telephone links across the Channel.
1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard.
1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered Mendel's 
 laws of heredity.
1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would 
 have relaxed restrictions on polygamy.
1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that 
 guaranteed the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama. 
 The Columbian Senate rejected the treaty.
1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until 
 after their war.
1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete 
 with Germany in naval strength.
1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake.
1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method 
 to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a 
 car from 12½ hours to 93 minutes.
1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden 
 off the Chilean coast.
1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, 
 committed suicide.
1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's 
 only judge is God and itself.
1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia 
 declared its independence.
1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was 
 dropped by the Royal Air Force Dumbuster Squad on the 
 Beilefeld railway viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb used 
 during World War II.
1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in 
 the Philippines.
1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held 
 in the U.S.S.R.
1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time 
 during the Korean War.
1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the 
 Batista government of Cuba, thereby helping Castro.
1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship 
 and Cooperation with the Soviet Union.
1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The 
 PLO bases were hit.
1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a 
 Trident aircraft crashed into a factory.
1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency 
 landing near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. 
 boxing team was aboard the plane.
1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria 
 after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 
 54 Pakistani prisoners.
1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first 
 time in its 23-year history.
1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under 
 President George H.W. Bush.
1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their 
 alleged part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a 
 court agreed that the police fabricated evidence.
1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran.
2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan 
 intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. 
 A five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset 
 Ali al-Megrahi 
 was guilty of bringing down the plane over Lockerbie, Scotland.
2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million 
 bail. Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife 
 Bonny Lee Bakley.
2014  smiled.


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When downloads are blocked 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, March 13.

Got the date for the first Cataract operation moved up 
to June!

DJ wrote 
just got home from having mine done. why the long wait?

Because we got Govt Healthcare, like you will be getting,
with Doctor's wages set by the Govt.
Many of the doctors, especially the young and up-to-date 
ones, have fled to Mexico, where they can still charge 
decent wages, and pay off their student loans.

Of course, none of them come back except briefly for 
weddings and funerals. The doctor who will do my operation,
and his trainee/assistants are Asians, filling the vacancies
left by the local doctors, who have fled to Mexico.

The same will happen in the USA

Even though it is rough having to wait that long, I can't
really blame the young doctors. There is simply no way 
that they can pay off the 7 yer party bill, ahem student 
loans, on what they get from Medicare.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Military Contractor Caught Masturbating To Child Porn Inside Car At Colorado Army Base Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up of the Alaskan oil spill. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug. --- John Lithgow Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest. --- Alexandre Dumas The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing. --- Henry S. Haskins
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through the park and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have dinner with me?" The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to a fine restaurant. He ordered a large steak and apple pie for dessert. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?" The old fellow took a large bit of apple pie and replied, "You are the first one today, sir!"
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Francis Calar, 53, Fort Carson, Colorado Military Contractor Caught Masturbating To Child Porn Inside Car At Colorado Army Base A Department of Defense contractor was arrested yesterday morning after a military policeman spotted him masturbating to child pornography inside a car parked at a Colorado Army base. According to a criminal complaint, Francis Calar, 53, was pleasuring himself inside a Ford sedan at 10:30 AM when a military cop approached the vehicle. Calar, seen above, initially did not notice the officer since he was “intently focused on an image on the screen of his laptop computer.” As described in a criminal complaint sworn by FBI Agent Andrew Stearns, Calar--a married father of two boys--was staring at a sexually explicit photo of a young girl. When he spotted the officer, Calar “quickly closed his laptop and threw it on the passenger seat.” After the cop directed Calar to exit his car, he reportedly said, “Yes I know you seen what I was doing and what I was looking at.” In subsequent interviews with law enforcement officials, Calar “advised that he has an active interest in child pornography,” and said that he often parks in the same Fort Carson lot so that he can access an unsecured Internet connection and “visit chat rooms and search for child pornography during breaks from work.” Calar’s Facebook page describes him as a “technical trainer” at Fort Carson. Calar, Agent Stearns reported, was “adamant that his sexual interest in children is purely ‘fantasy.’” He told investigators that he is “active with children” and currently coaches girls volleyball and boys baseball. Additonally, Calar said that he has previously taught Sunday school at his church and recently resigned as the girls volleyball coach at Mesa Ridge High School in Colorado Springs. Charged with possession of child pornography, Calar is scheduled this afternoon for an initial appearance in U.S. District Court in Denver. If convicted of the felony count, he faces a minimum of five years in prison Tech Support Pits From: Heather Re: Downloads Blocked Hi, DearWebby, Love your newsletter! I have an issue with my computer I am hoping you can help me with. A week or so ago, I tried downloading a new workout video and I accepted a couple of their conditions (changing my toolbar, homepage, etc) but their conditions got to be ridiculous and I canceled the download. Then I went and cleaned up / uninstalled the new intrusions. Now I discover that I either accidentialy accepted a virus or I was too aggressive in my clean-up because now I cannot download anything. When I click on a "save file" button, the pop-up screen it was on goes away as it should but otherwise the command is ignored. I've tired downloading several things, including things I'm familiar with downloading, but the arrow in the upper right corner (I have Windows7 and use Firefox) where I usually find my downloads isn't even there anymore. Rebooting the laptop did not help, either. Obviously I cannot try such fixes as reinstalling Firefox or downloading a free version (all I can afford) of the MalwareBytes program so I'm hoping you have some sneaky little fix for me. Thanks so much, I think you're pretty amazing. Heather Dear Heather ... I had various suggestions, that did not work DearWebby, I got it fixed! I went to the Firefox button, help, troubleshooting information, and then "reset Firefox". It saved all my information and then reset itself and the download arrow icon reappeared and it was back to business as usual. Whole thing took about 20 seconds. Now I'll go download an anti-virus program for "just in case". Thanks, Heather Dear Heather Get the free trial of MalwareBytes and run it. SOMETHING nefarious changed your settings, and quite possibly some traces of that are still there. The download arrow is nice, but downloading still should work without the nice arrow showing progress. I have downloaded countless files and programs over the years without that progress arrow. I found that arrow now by right-clicking the top bar and selecting Customize. Dragging it from there up to the top bar was simple enough. Run malwareBytes and make sure, whatever blocked your downloads AND hid that arrow, gets removed. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ball Chain Keychain to Keep Zipper Up Do you have a pair of pants where the zipper seems to always fall down? Here is a quick solution that works really well. Use one of those small ball chain keychains to tether the zipper to your pants button. Simply string the chain through the hole in the zipper tab and attach the ends. Pull your zipper up, slip the keychain over the button, and button your pants. Voila! NOTE: If you find that the keychain is a little too long to keep the zipper at the top, it is easy to cut it to the desired length. By lalala... [420] Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man dies and finds himself standing third in line at the Pearly Gates. The Angel explains that admission requirements are now a bit more strict, as a few slum landlords and con artists have managed to slip into Heaven without being detected. He queries the first candidate: "What was your annual salary, and what was your profession? "I made $450,000 as an attorney," comes the reply. "You may enter," says the Angel, "take elevator #2.". Second candidate, same question. "I made $95,000, I was a realtor." He is also permitted to enter and was told to take elevator #4 Now it is the third man's turn. "My annual income was $175." "Cool!" replies the Angel, "Walk straight in. All those elevators go down. By the way, what ezine did you publish?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Goodman was a moderately successful stockbroker who dreamed of making the big money someday. He took his friend out for a drive, and he chose the route carefully in order to impress on him the possibilities of the brokerage business. "Look at that yacht," he said as they drove slowly past a marina. "That 96' beauty belongs to the senior partner at Merrill Lynch. That one over there 104' is owned by the head of Goldman, Sachs. And look at that huge 210' yacht out there. That's the pride and joy of the top seller at Prudential-Bache." His friend Morris was silent. Goodman turned to look at him and saw a pained look on his face. "What's the matter?" Goodman asked. "I was just wondering," Morris said. "why aren't there any customers' yachts?"
A guy got on a bus one day and sat in the aisle seat beside an elderly lady. A few minutes later, he couldn't control himself and had to let loose a big noisy fart. Embarrassed, he tried to make conversation with the lady and asked her "Do you by any chance have todays paper?" The lady looked at him and said "No, but the next time we pass by a tree I'll grab you a handful of leaves."

» Flora, Fona & Peeples too:

Today in 
0483 St. Felix III began his reign as Pope.
0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred.
1519 Cortez landed in Mexico.
1639 Harvard University was named for clergyman John Harvard.
1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in 
 the colony of Virginia.
1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal 
 to high-ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce 
 the American army.
1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus.
1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff.
1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S.
1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from 
 business and that he would spend the rest of his days 
 giving away his fortune. His net worth was estimated 
 at $300 million.
1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country 
 when students refused to sing the Russian hymn 
 "God Protect the Czar."
1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force 
 attack in France.
1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution.
1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been 
 discovered by scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the 
 Lowell Observatory.
1933 U.S. banks began to re-open after a "holiday" that 
 had been declared by President Roosevelt.
1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in 
 Jerusalem confirming some biblical history.
1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion 
 of the U.S.S.R.
1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American 
 troops on Hill 700 in Bougainville.
1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tank units 
 were stationed 20 miles from Tehran.
1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General 
 Draja Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia.
1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations 
 for the cost of caring for war refugees.
1951 The comic strip "Dennis the Menace" appeared for the 
 first time in newspapers across the country.
1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges.
1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave.
1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer.
1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty.
1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries was 
 lifted.
1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up 
 of the Alaskan oil spill.
2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that 
 scientists had found 350,000-year-old human footprints 
 in Italy. The 56 prints were made by three early, 
 upright-walking humans that were descending the side 
 of a volcano.
2014  smiled.


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Scammy virus complaint 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, March 12.

Today I have to drive to Calgary for measurements regarding
my Cataract operation in July.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a N.M. woman jailed for assaulting mother with a vibrator. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that he planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his own bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3 million. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas? --- Jean Kerr Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. --- Ron Nesen
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

"Call me Tex!" was the cowboy's reply. "Well, Tex, where in Texas are you from?" the policeman asked. "Nah, I'm from Louisiana, but Ah shore don't want you to call me Louise!"
Early in the marriage, Helen, the wife's lifelong friend, came to dinner. During the course of the meal, she broke a fork in half. "Don't worry about it, Helen," said the husband. "It's just one of those cheap sets you get for subscribing to that recipe magazine." The wife turned to the husband and announced, "Honey, Helen gave us that set as a wedding gift!"
Click on the picture for the large version Leona, get the kids! They are driving me batty!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jules Bahler, 21, Bay City, Michigan Jailed for Assaulting Mother With Vibrator Cara Claffy, a 35-year-old New Mexico woman, was jailed Sunday after she allegedly assaulted her own mother with a vibrator. According to police, officers were dispatched to an Albuquerque residence Sunday night after Sheryl Claffy, 60, called to report that her daughter, Clara, "struck her on the head with a vibrator" and was attempting to flee the scene. When officers arrived at the residence, Sheryl Claffy pointed them towards a nearby truck and told them that she believed her daughter was inside. Officers noted that Sheryl Claffy was "bleeding profusely" from her head. Officers inspected the truck and found a male driver inside with a vibrator laying on the passenger side floor. Cara Claffy was not inside the truck, however, she was detained moments later as she exited a neighbor's home. During a police interview, Claffy admitted to arguing with her mother but denied striking her with a vibrator. She then insisted that her mother's injury was self inflicted. Officers interviewed Sheryl Claffy who stated that she and her daughter were watching television when an argument ensued. That's when her daughter allegedly picked up a vibrator and struck her in the head with it. Cara Claffy was booked into the Bernalillo County Jail and charged with aggravated battery and domestic violence. Her bond has been set at $3,500. Tech Support Pits From: Clyde Re: Scam virus report Dear Webby, I got two phone calls yesterday from a foreign sounding woman. My cable TV screen gave a name and number, I think area code 717. The one who called said my computer with a windows operating system had a virus or some problem. The first time I just hung up. The second time, an adress came up and she apparently knew my address. It is in the telephone book. I told her I did not have a computer and she seemed confused. I assume it was a scam. Any comments? Clyde Senger Dear Clyde Yes, definitely a scam. Just put them on hold until they hang up. That wastes their time without wasting yours. If your computer was infected and used in a bot-net to attack a server, the attacked server would just block your IP. Since those attacks usually involve tens of thousands of infected computers, it would be impossible to call all of their owners. One of my servers carries maidanua.org, a Human Rights watchdog and reporting site in Ukraine. It is currently under steady attack from huge bot-nets. The bot-nets are tens of thousands of infected computers all ganging up on the Maidan sites, without the owners of those machines knowing about it. Naturally, we use a big Linux machine, that can handle that sustained attack, and as you can see at http://maidanua.org/, it doesn't even slow it down much. The idea of calling tens of thousands of grannies and grampas to tell them, that their Windoze is infected, would just cause some grins here, but nobody would consider doing that. So if some tele-sl** tries to BS you, put her on hold. Scanning your machine on a regular basis ensures, that YOUR machine is not part of a Russian controlled bot-net. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Soap Build Up from Laundry I have a front load washer that saves energy with the water and electricity. I have found that my clothes are in need of softening up. There seemed to be a soap build up in them. I have a "rinse only" button on my machine. I rinse the clothes first with white vinegar to remove any soap build up. Then I wash with 1/2 the soap and fabric softener, plus put the load on a light wash cycle. I have found my clothes are softer and the cost to do a load is less. By Sheila Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Dentist - "Try to relax. I'll pull your aching tooth in five minutes." Patient - "How much will this cost?" Dentist - "It`ll be $100." Patient - "That much for just five minutes work?" Dentist - "Well if you prefer, I can pull it out very slowly and make it last half an hour."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if she can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face. "What did you do that for?" the man asks. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore do you?" The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"
>From Edna When my younger brother was very young, he always walked up to the church altar with my mother when she took communion. On one occasion, he tugged at her arm and asked, "What's that latin stuff the priest says when he gives you the bread?" Mom whispered something in his ear. Imagine his shock many years later when he learned that the priest doesn't say, "Be quiet or I'll knock your block off!"

» Pet Power

Today in 
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria.
1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony.
1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II 
 granted land in the New World to his brother James (The 
 Duke of York).
1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for 
 the first time in America.
1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the 
 French to leave the country.
1879 The British Zulu War began.
1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his 
 automatic telephone system.
1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time.
1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for 
 nominal freedom of religion throughout his territory.
1904 After 30 years of drilling, the tunnel under the 
 Hudson River was completed. The link was between 
Jersey City, NJ, and New York, NY.
1905 In Rome, Premier Giovanni Giolli was forced out 
 of office by continued civil strife.
1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to 
 stem the conflict with El Salvador.
1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered 
 the cause of infantile paralysis.
1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original 
 name was Girl Guides.
1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his 
 technique for putting sound on motion picture film.
1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that 
 symbolized his defiance of British rule over India.
1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of 
 the German Republic and ordered that the swastika and 
 empire banner be flown side by side.
1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops 
 entered Austria.
1940 Finland surrendered to Russia ending the 
 Russo-Finnish War.
1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland.
1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" 
 to help Greece and Turkey resist Communism.
1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving 
 the statehood of Hawaii.
1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that 
 he planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his 
 own bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3 million.
1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the 
 Art Institute of Chicago to demand that officials remove 
 an American flag placed on the floor as part of an exhibit.
1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 31 
 major military bases.
1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests.
1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members 
 of NATO. All three countries were formerly members of the 
 Warsaw Pact.
2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family 
 nine months after she was abducted from her home. She had 
 been taken on June 5, 2002, by a drifter that had previously 
 worked at the Smart home.
2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume 
 reconnaissance flights off the coast of North Korea. The 
 flights had stopped on March 2 after an encounter with 
 four armed North Korean jets.
2009 It was announced that the Sear Tower in Chicago, IL, 
 would be renamed Willis Tower. 
2014  smiled.


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Too many Pop-Ups 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, March 11.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a bank robber, who posted a picture of himself and his gun on FaceBook Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It was the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Change your mind ... and EVERYTHING changes. --- Rebecca Fine All phone calls are obscene. --- Karen Elizabeth Gordon "Is this a bad idea? The folks at Sprint announced it is developing a TV cell phone. It will let you watch TV on your cell phone. They have the perfect name for it: 'Nine Dead in Interstate Pileup.'" --- Jay Leno
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it. The man said, "Cure it? How about making it permanent?"
An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clunking noise when going around corners. He took the car out for a test drive and made two right turns, each time hearing a loud clunk. Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager with this note: "Removed water melon from trunk."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jules Bahler, 21, Bay City, Michigan Jailed after Facebook Selfie Sunk Bank Robbery Suspect MARCH 10--A Michigan bank robbery suspect was collared by the FBI after posting a Facebook selfie showing him holding a submachine gun that he allegedly brandished during a holdup last week. Investigators allege that Jules Bahler, 21, robbed three Michigan banks over an eight-day period ending last Wednesday. During the first two heists--at banks in Pontiac--Bahler passed a note to a teller and demanded money. On March 5, Bahler walked into a Chemical Bank branch in Bay City and “displayed what appeared to be a black sub machine gun and demanded money,” according to an affidavit sworn by FBI Agent Sean Callaghan. After a teller gave Bahler $7000, he fled the bank. The prior Pontiac robberies, Callaghan noted, netted Bahler a combined $8300. A police sergeant Thursday pointed the FBI to Bahler’s Facebook page, which included photos of him posing with “what appeared to be a sub machine gun and wearing clothes matching those used in the aforementioned bank robberies,” reported Callaghan. The affidavit does not reveal how the cop identified Bahler as a possible suspect. The photo, seen above, was uploaded to Bahler’s Facebook page on March 5, before the Chemical Bank robbery. Bahler, a Brooklyn native who uses the online handle “King Romeo,” captioned the image, “Bought my first house And chopper today..lifes great.” Upon spotting the image, a friend of Bahler’s cautioned him, “U tripping brotha I wouldn't show that shit off like that cops be watching this shit brotha.” As it turned out, that was wise advice on the part of one “King Machette.” On Friday, investigators conducted a traffic stop on Bahler after they watched him depart his Pontiac home. “A black sub machine gun was found in a duffle bag that was located at Bahler’s feet," Agent Callaghan reported. During a subsequent interview, Bahler waived his Miranda rights and reportedly confessed to all three bank robberies. Bahler (seen above) was named in a two-count felony complaint charging him with bank robbery and carrying a firearm during the commission of a violent crime. He is locked up in advance of a detention hearing scheduled for tomorrow afternoon in U.S. District Court in Detroit. Bahler, who joined Facebook last month, has 206 friends, some of whom claim an affiliation with the Latin Kings street gang. His final Facebook post came Friday, before he was taken into custody by FBI agents and Oakland County sheriff’s deputies. “fleelin like damn,” he wrote. Tech Support Pits From: Dorothy Re: PopUps Dear Webby Could you please help me solve a mystery? I have these horrible pop-ups that along the top and these flashy pop-up along the right bottom corner of my web pages and I can't get rid of them! I've tried eliminating all of the Google advertising everywhere I could remember, but the script is not from Google: Did someone hack into my account and insert this? How do I get rid of them? I sure do appreciate your help in figuring this out and getting rid of the unwanted ads! Thanks again, Dorothy Dear Dorothy I went to http://akwildlife.com/ and all your other beautiful sites, and tried all kinds of pages there, no pop-ups anywhere. Try going to my Humor Letter, http://webby.com/humor and see if you get pop ups there too, If there WERE pop-ups there, there would be ten thousand people screaming at me. I YOU see pop-ups there, then your machine is infected, and the pop-ups are generated in your machine. That will be your proof. Run Spybot-Search&Destroy from my Toolbox at http://webby.com/tools If that does not fix it, then you need the BIG gun. Go back to the Humor Letter at http://webby.com/humor/ and at the top of the right side menu you see a mostly blue button for MalwareBytes. Hit that and get the free trial, or the PRO, if you can afford $30. That will definitely murder the silly pop-ups. It specializes on crap like that. Let me know how you make out with that! Have FUN! DearWebby ========== Reply from Dorothy Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! :-* I bought MalwareBytes and it found 205 programs!!!! =D> Easily worth the money to get rid of them, and, poof! - the pop-ups disappeared!!! Thanks again and have a great weekend!!! Dorothy
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Write "Magic" Messages on Eggs Mix a solution of white vinegar and alum (8:1 ratio). Alum can be found in the spice section. Using a small craft paintbrush, write your message(s) on the shells of eggs. Boil eggs to hard. The writing will appear on the whites of the eggs when they are shelled. By Laura from Long Beach, CA By LuvMyGingerKids Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Groan Alert! A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes. "Oh" said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Marvin found the following ransom note slipped under his front door. "Bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of your country club tomorrow at 10:00 AM if you ever want to see your wife alive again." But it was well after 1:00 PM by the time he arrived at the designated meeting spot. A masked man stepped from behind a bush and demanded, "You're three hours late. What took you so long?" "Give me a break!" said Marvin, pointing to his scorecard. "I'm a 27 handicap."
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened. "Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it." A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom." "Martin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the con- venience store."

» Pet Power
Rocky, Dianne's long time companion, got his wings today.

Today in 
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome.
1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day 
 according to William Shakespeare.
1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs 
 (rebels) and the French government.
1665 A new legal code was approved for the Dutch and English 
 towns, guaranteeing religious observances unhindered.
1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to 
 Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria.
1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian 
 Affairs. Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian 
 to lead the Bureau.
1845 Seven hundred Maoris led by their chief, Hone-Heke, 
 burned the small town of Kororareka. The act was in 
 protest to the settlement of Maoriland by Europeans, 
 which was a breach of the 1840 Treaty of Waitangi.
1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted.
1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic 
 Seaboard shutting down communication and transportation 
 lines. More than 400 people died.(March 11-14)
1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the 
 peace overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger.
1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan 
 purchased Carnegie Steep Corp. The event made Andrew 
 Carnegie the world's richest man.
1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated.
1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California 
 to revoke its anti-Japanese legislation.
1907 In Bulgaria, Premier Nicolas Petkov was killed by an anarchist.
1935 The German Air Force became an official department of the Reich.
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the 
 Lend-Lease Act, which authorized the act of providing war 
 supplies to the Allies.
1946 Communists and Nationalists began fighting as the Soviets 
 pulled out of Mukden, Manchuria.
1946 Pravda denounced Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and 
 a warmonger.
1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks 
 in an effort to end arms smuggling to the South.
1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by 
 getting his 1,000th career goal.
1985 Mikhail Gorbachev was named the new chairman of 
 the Soviet Communist Party.
1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet 
 Union. It was the first Soviet republic to break away 
 from Communist control.
1992 Former U.S. President Nixon said that the Bush 
 administration was not giving enough economic aid to Russia.
1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation 
 Treaty refusing to open sites for inspection.
1994 In Chile, Eduardo Frei was sworn in as President. It was 
 the first peaceful transfer of power in Chile since 1970.
1997 An explosion at a nuclear waste reprocessing plant caused 
 35 workers to be exposed to low levels of radioactivity. The 
 incident was the worst in Japan's history.
2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground 
 zero in New York as a temporary memorial to the victims of 
 the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. 
2014  smiled.


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McAfee slowing down Windows 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, March 10.

Looks like nobody recognized the guy in yesterday's picture.
I had expanded the picture from a thumbnail that Terry had 
sent me. She has now sent me a larger and clearer one. It is 
at 

Click on the picture for the large version

We got a nice Chinook carving the snow and hauling it 
to the East. Toronto and Chicago get ready for an
Alberta Clipper before the end of the week!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a bimbo, who was jailed for incest last week, and now for choking her husband. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to the militants holding American hostages in Tehran. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Men who never get carried away should be. --- Malcolm Forbes "Wal-Mart says it classifies its customers into three groups: brand aspirationals, price sensitive affluents, and value-price shoppers. Wal-Mart says the new categories will replace the old customer classifications: teeth or no teeth." --- Conan O'Brien Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. --- National Lampoon, "Deteriorata"
Fix, Clean and Speed Up your PC! Boost Computer Speed Delete Junk Files & Clean Up Windows® Wipe Private Data & Internet Logs Rated 5 Cows at Tucows!

A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them from children's church. On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation. He started out by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly. "This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)..." No hands went up. "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)..." The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised. "And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it's excited (pause)..." Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand. The pastor breathed a sigh of relief and called on him. "Well," said the boy, "I *know* the answer must be Jesus ... but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me!"
Thanks to Sandie for bringing back this ancient fable: An old man, a boy & a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Then, later, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." So they then decided they'd both walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man figured they were probably right, so they decide to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal & he fell into the river and drowned. The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well... Kiss your ass goodbye!
Thanks to Terry for this picture of the sunset from my deck last time she visited. Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charlene Ellet, 25, Porter, Texas Bimbo, who was jailed for incest last week, and now again for choking her husband. Reported by the Weekly Vice Charlene Ellet, the 25-year-old Texas woman who was charged with having a sexual relationship with her own brother just a few days ago, is back in jail on new charges. This time for choking her husband. According to the Montgomery County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to a motel room that was shared by Charlene and her husband after her release from jail on March 3. Investigators say the couple was arguing over a cell phone when Ellet reportedly placed her hands on his neck and choked him. The victim, whose name was not released, had scratches and redness on his neck and had a hard time talking due to swelling around his throat, said Lt. Brady Fitzgerald of the Sheriff's Office. "She reportedly had put him in a choke hold," said Fitzgerald. We've identified an unnamed husband as Justin Swartout, who links to Ellet and Beck on his Facebook and announced his marriage to "Riley" on his Facebook profile on January 8. He previously referred to her as "charlene" on a Facebook post a few months earlier. Charlene Ellet was arrested just days earlier after she had initially been detained for shoplifting inside a Porter Walmart. The investigation took a wild turn when Ellet's brother, Cameron Beck, came to the store to look for Ellet with Ellet's twin daughters in tow. When deputies arrived at the store, they searched Beck's car and found a burnt lightbulb and a cut pen which tested positive for crystal meth. At some point during the investigation, Ellet told deputies that Beck came looking for her because he was her brother. The pair was arrested, transported to jail and placed into adjoining cells. While deputies worked to complete paperwork required for the booking process, Ellet and Beck were caught kissing each other on the lips through the bars of their jail cells. A deputy who saw the siblings kissing separated the pair and interviewed Ellet individually about what had just transpired. Ellet told deputies that she and Beck shared the same mother, but had different fathers. She also stated that she had been writing to Beck while he was in prison until he was released last November. She went on to say that she and Beck had been staying in a motel with her twin daughters and that all four of them slept in the same bed. She also admitted to being involved in a sexual relationship with her brother since his release from prison. When deputies questioned Ellet about what the kids were seeing, she explained that she and Beck had placed a partition in the room and that the children would stay on the other side of the partition when she and Beck engaged in intercourse. Other times, she and Beck would just go to the bathroom to have sex. Ellet and Beck were booked into the Montgomery County Jail and charged with possession of a controlled substance and prohibited sexual conduct. Ellet was additionally issued a citation for shoplifting under $50. Ellet now faces new charges in the assault of her husband. She remains held in lieu of $50,000. Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: McAfee slowing down the computer Dear Webby, I became concerned that Microsoft will no longer update "Microsoft Essentials", so I paid for and downloaded McAfee "Total Protection" yesterday from your website. I believe that you recommend this antivirus highly. Since I installed this program, my XP machine has become very sluggish.... almost as bad as when I installed Norton. Any ideas on how I can get my computer back up to speed without uninstalling McAfee? Thanks. Bill Dear Bill Most likely McAfee is busy scanning all your drives. During the scan things slow down. Once the scan has been completed, it will be normal speed again. You can schedule the scan to run at a time, when it doesn't bother you. I know it is a major nuisance when that slowdown happens, and with my long work hours, I can't really escape it. With todays necessity for security, thought, that nuisance is not avoidable. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check the Price at the Pump Don't trust the price on the sign at your local gas station. Always double-check that the price matches that on the pump you're about to use. Hubby recently dashed into a local station where the sign read $3.03/gal. Much to our horror, and after he'd pumped his gas, he looked at the price on the pump. It said $3.89. Needless to say, we won't be going there again! I made hubby confirm the price for me before he pumped a single drop, last time I was with him for a fueling stop. Source: Hubby's recent experience at a local Shell station. By JustPlainJo from Springfield, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A barber runs out of his shop and down to the nearest corner where a policeman is standing. "Officer," he asks, have you seen a man run by here in the last few minutes?" "No I haven't. What's the problem?" "The lousy cheat ran out of my shop without paying me!" "Does this fellow have any distinguishing features?" the officer asks. "Well, yes," the barber replies. "He's carrying one of his ears in his left hand."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Darryl and Harold were in a mental institution. The place had an unusual annual contest, picking two of the best patients and giving them two questions. If they got them correct, they were deemed cured and free to go. Darryl was called into the doctor's office first and asked if he understood that he'd be free if he answered the questions correctly. Darryl said "yes" and the doctor proceeded. "Darryl, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?" Darryl said, "I'd be half blind." "That's correct. What if I poked out both eyes?" "I'd be completely blind." The doctor stood up, shook Darryl's hand, and told him he was free to go. On Darryl's way out, as the doctor filled out the paperwork, Darryl mentioned the exam to Harold, who was seated in the waiting room. He told him what questions were going to be asked and gave him the answers. So Harold went into the doctor's office when he was called. The doctor went thru the formalities and then asked, "What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?" Remembering what Darryl had told him, he answered, "I'd be half blind." The doctor looked a little puzzled, but went on. "What if I cut off the other ear?" "I'd be completely blind," Harold answered." "Harold, can you explain how you'd be blind?" "My hat would fall down over my eyes."
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing there waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."

» Funny Eatery Signs

Today in 
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the 
 Battle of Aegusa.
0049 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and invaded Italy.
1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the 
 Western Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain.
1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did 
 not call it back for 11 years.
1656 In the American colony of Virginia, suffrage was extended 
 to all free men regardless of their religion.
1785 Thomas Jefferson was appointed minister to France. He 
 succeeded Benjamin Franklin.
1792 John Stone patented the pile driver.
1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase 
 from France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis.
1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered 
 to the British.
1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a combined 
 Allied Army at the battle of Laon.
1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, 
 which ended the war with Mexico.
1849 Abraham Lincoln applied for a patent for a device to 
 lift vessels over shoals by means of inflated cylinders.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call 
 with the telephone. He spoke the words "Mr. Watson, come 
 here, I want to see you."
1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first 
 graduation ceremony because the only graduate was robbed 
 and killed the night before.
1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an earthquake.
1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating 
 machine.
1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at 
 Courrieres.
1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from Siam 
 and Malaya.
1910 Slavery was abolished in China.
1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the 
 Manchu Ch'ing Dynasty.
1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law 
 forbidding late-night work for women.
1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler 
 to speak in public.
1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs.
1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain 
 allowed food to reach France.
1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied 
 the accusation of spying on Allied troops.
1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 
 100,000 were killed.
1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also 
 known as "Axis Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. 
 Gillars was convicted of treason and served 12 years jail.
1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS 
 Missouri. The ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the 
 enemy position. Some may have hit the target.
1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp 
 at Ashau Valley.
1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest 
 U.S. dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its 
 headquarters from Paris.
1971 The U.S. Senate approved an amendment to lower the 
 voting age to 18.
1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese 
 town of Ban Me Thout.
1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to 
 the militants holding American hostages in Tehran.
1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their 
 continued support of terrorism.
1987 The Vatican condemned surrogate parenting as well as 
 test-tube and artificial insemination.
1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months 
 after seizing power in a coup.
1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw 
 540,000 U.S. troops from the Persian Gulf region.
1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal 
 grand jury about the Whitewater controversy.
2014  smiled.


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When Gmail address auto-fill does not work 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, March 9.
Remember to turn your clocks forward, 
if you are in the Americas!

Thank you Sig!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a woman who posted explicit material inside Walmart Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship. --- Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972) It looks like you can have a dictatorship without efficiency too. I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. --- Robert Orben Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought. --- Sir William Osler
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

I saw a vehicle with the license plate ALT F7. That is a WordPerfect command. The truck had to belong to a plumber. Who else would choose the command "Flush Right"?
Carl and a Dave are playing golf. They decide to play for $5 a hole. On the third hole, the Dave hits his ball into the rough. "Help me find my ball; you look over there," Dave says to Carl. After several minutes, neither has had any luck, and, anxious to win, Dave pulls out another ball and drops it on the ground. "I've found my ball!" he announces. Carl looks at him, "After all the years we've been friends, you'd cheat me at golf for a measly five bucks?!?" "Cheat?! I found my ball right here!" "And a liar, too!!!" Carl says with amazement. "I'll have you know I've been standing on your ball since we got here."
My friend terry sent me this picture, that she took in January. Click on the picture for the large version Guess who that is!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Beverly Rolston, 45, Middletown, Ohio Woman Posted Explicit Material Inside Walmart Reported by the Smoking Gun MARCH 7--An Ohio woman was charged yesterday with disorderly conduct for going into a Walmart and distributing sexually explicit material accusing a store exployee of having an affair with her husband. Beverly Rolston, 45, arrived at the Walmart in late-November and headed to the electronics department, where a former friend, 45-year-old Amy Kreiner, worked, police reported. A store surveillance camera recorded Rolston “posting and distributing pictures of Ms. Kreiner with the words ‘Number One Dick Sucker’ and ‘Hide Your Husbands’ written on the pictures,” according to a Middletown Division of Police report. Investigators added that, “Also posted with the pictures is a photo of a female with exposed breasts performing oral sex on a man.” Rolston’s pictures, cops noted, “were posted in plain view of all the public, including children to see.” Rolston entered the Walmart around midnight, so it is unclear how many minors would have been in the electronics department at that hour. When police later confronted Rolston at her home, she confessed to distributing the images. “She advised she was upset with Ms. Kreiner for having a year long affair with her husband,” a cop noted. Rolston’s spouse Robert, 37, confirmed the affair during a conversation with the officer. Rolston was originally charged with pandering obscenities, a felony. However, after her case was bound over to a higher court, a grand jury recently declined to pursue charges. In response, prosecutors yesterday filed a reduced disorderly conduct charge against Rolston. Seen in the above mug shot, Rolston is scheduled for a March 21 arraignment in Middletown Municipal Court on the misdemeanor charge. Tech Support Pits From: Carol Re: Gmail not filling in addresses Dear Webby, Thanks for the Morning gladness. I have fun reading Dear Webby in the morning and often life to send one or two of the tidbits there to friends. Lately my gmail program does not pull up the email addresses when I want to add them to the draft. All that appears in the address line is the first letter of whatever name I want to add. It takes a re-start of the program to get back to normal. It functions for a few days and then it happens again. DO you have any ideas what this could be so I can resolve the issue? Thanks! Carol T Dear Carol That is a browser issue. Hit CTRL and ESC to get the Task Manager. In there hit the PROCESSES tab. You will probably see the browser right on top, with a ridiculously high number of KB Memory usage. Highlight it and click on END THIS TASK at the right bottom. That kills the browser instantly. Wait ten seconds and open the browser again. You will get a white screen saying "Awww, this is embarrassing,...." and lets you choose which of the many open tabs are redundant and lets you weed them out. Then at the bottom hit Restart. The browser will be running lean and fast after that and everything works. Doing it that way, you don't have to worry about losing any open tabs. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sending Get Well Cards Keeping a Towel on Oven Door I had a towel on the oven rack that kept slipping out. Putting it back in was a pain, as the slot between the handle and the door wasn't very wide. So, I got a light bulb over my head! I simply tied a piece of ribbon around it with a knot then a bow. Now it stays in place and I can simply slip it out for washing! Hope this helps! By Sandi from Salem, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

*How Government Works* Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said "someone may steal from it at night." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies. Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports. Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper, and a payroll officer, then hired two people. Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary. Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $180,000 over budget, we must cut back overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.
A lady's husband dies. She heads to the funeral home to make arrangements. She's emphatic that the arrangements must be done with elegance, and attention to detail. "For example," she tells the funeral director, "I want no wooden chairs. Only padded ones. All the comforts possible to be extended to the mourners. Have the air conditioning set to a perfect 72 degrees. The flowers should be beautiful, yet not overpowering in their scent." The funeral director takes it all down. The day of the funeral the widow is examining the viewing room. She notices that the funeral director has not yet turned on the air conditioner. She orders the director to turn it on so that when the viewing starts, the room will be a perfect temperature. As soon as the air conditioner is on, though, she notices her deceased husband's hairpiece is flapping in the breeze caused by the air conditioner. "This won't do!" She orders the director to take care of the problem. He assures her that he will take care of it, if she'll just wait in the outer office for ten minutes. She leaves and comes back after exactly 600 seconds. Sure enough, her husband's hair is all in place. A month later, the widow is reviewing the bill for the funeral and she notices there was no charge for the hair problem. She calls to inquire as to why. She's told that it was "on the house." "Nonsense," she retorts, "you expended time and materials and I will compensate you for it. Now, give me a price!" "Ok, madam", the funeral director wearily agrees. He holds the phone away and hollers across the room, "Hey, Charlie, how much did those nails cost to hold that toupee in place last month?"

» Funny Eatery Signs

Today in 
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias 
 Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent 
 in his honor.
1617 The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern 
 Russia by Swedish troops.
1734 The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland.
1745 The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston, MA.
1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in 
 North America. The event was witnessed by George Washington.
1796 Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were 
 married. They were divorced in 1809.
1799 The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of 
 Berlin, CT, for 500 horse pistols at $6.50 each.
1812 Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon.
1822 Charles M. Graham received the first patent for 
 artificial teeth.
1839 The French Academy of Science announced the 
 Daguerreotype photo process.
1858 Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box.
1862 During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and 
 Virginia fought to a draw in a five-hour battle at 
 Hampton Roads, Virginia.
1897 A patent was issued to William Spinks and William 
 Hoskins for cue chalk.
1900 In Germany, women petition Reichstag for the right 
 to take university entrance exams.
1905 In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the 
 royal tombs of Tua and Yua.
1905 In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000 
 Russian troops that were retreating from Mudken.
1911 The funding for five new battleships was added 
 to the British military defense budget.
1916 Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, 
 New Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen.
1932 Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish 
 Free State and pledged to abolish all loyalty to the 
 British Crown.
1936 The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the 
 upcoming elections would be arrested.
1945 During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched 
 incendiary bomb attacks against Japan.
1956 British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop 
 Makarios from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting terrorists.
1957 Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the 
 tolls for the use of the Suez Canal.
1959 Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair 
 in New York.
1964 Production began on the first Ford Mustang.
1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam.
1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected 
 to the United States.
1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline.
1975 Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds.
1977 About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three 
 buildings in Washington, DC. They killed one person and 
 took more than 130 hostages. The siege ended two days later.
1983 The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S. 
 President Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic 
 anti-communism." They gotTHAT right!
1986 U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the 
 space shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the 
 astronauts.
1987 Chrysler Corporation offered to buy American Motors 
 Corporation.
1989 In Maylasia, 30 Asian nations conferred on the issue 
 of "boat people".
1989 In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into 
 bankruptcy.
1989 In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for 
 a mandatory death penalty in drug-related killings.
1995 The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for 
 illegally fishing off of Newfoundland.
2000 In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne 
 Bondevik resigned as a result of an environmental dispute.
2014  smiled.


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Hotkeys and key codes 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 8.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to 3 sisters who beat a teen in their care senseless because of a school suspension. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success - yours or his. --- Franklin P. Jones "If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them." --- Isaac Asimov "Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to." --- Ambrose Bierce
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

The following are purportedly a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (that is, Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.) 1. Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? What for? He can't see my license plate. 2. Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? The pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do." 3. What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car? Always wear a condom. 4. When driving through fog, what should you use? YOUR car. 5. What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving? I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster. 6. What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? I would be forced to drive unlawfully. 7. What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute. 8. What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? The color. 9. How do you deal with heavy traffic? Heavy psychedelics. 10. What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? Carry loaded weapons.
A realty salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? For pete's sakes, get out there and sell him a houseboat!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ishiyah McGhee, 30, Janine McGhee, 39, and Moriyah McGhee, 32 in Deltona, Floriduh Three women stripped, beat and whipped a student because she was suspended from school Reported by the Weekly Vice Deltona, FL - Three women have been jailed on child abuse charges after they allegedly stripped a 14-year-old girl down to her underwear and then beat her senseless, because she had been suspended from school. According to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office, Ishiyah McGhee, 30, Janine McGhee, 39, and Moriyah McGhee, 32, allegedly admitted to "disciplining" the girl because she was in trouble at school. Investigators say the incident began Friday morning after a meeting at the school in which the three women learned of the suspension. In the school parking lot, the women slapped the teen, shoved her against several cars and choked her with a necklace. After arriving back at home, the three women became enraged when the teen tried to flee the residence to avoid further beatings. The women chased the teen, grabbing her by the hood of her sweatshirt, and yanked her to the ground. The women then forced the teen to undress so that "she would feel the discipline" she had coming. That's when the women began to punch, kick and beat the victim with belts. The beating continued up until deputies arrived on the scene, according to an arrest affidavit. Deputies arrived to find the teen dressed only in underwear, crying and bleeding from her injuries. The teen was taken to Florida Fish Memorial Hospital, where she was treated for multiple lacerations and welts. Deputies found Janine and Ishayah McGhee inside the residence breathing heavily with belts in their hands. They were taken into custody at the scene. Moriyah was taken into custody a short time later. The three women were booked into the Volusia County Jail and charged with child abuse. All three have since posted bail. Tech Support Pits From: Karen Re: Hot Keys and Key Codes Dear Webby, I have just learned that to hold alt key and type 167 gives the sign for degree, º. Where can I get a list of these shortcuts? Thank you. I enjoy starting my day with you. Karen Dear Karen Just go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and scroll down to the end. I used to have those files and cheat-sheets spread allo over the site, but have now gathered them all together and put links to them into the toolbox. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sending Get Well Cards When I send get well cards to friends in the hospital, I use their home address as the return in case my card should get there after their release. This way, it still makes it to them without anyone having to look it up. By Barbara Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a deli and he does a double-take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale. The collector says "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish." And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight stray cats, some of them more than once!"
Jane had been driving 16 hours straight and was still at least six hours away from her destination. It was almost eight o'clock in the morning and she was very tired. After dozing off and nearly crashing into a telephone pole, she decided to pull onto a side road and rest. Jane turned off the car and closed her eyes ... drifting off to sleep, precious sleep ... When an old man in a bright blue jogging suit knocked on her window, scaring her half to death. 'Sorry to wake you,' he huffed, jogging in place. 'But can you tell me what time it is?' Jane glanced at her watch. '8:15,' she said through the glass. The old man thanked her, then left. 'Just my luck,' she muttered. 'I'm parked on someone's jogging route.' With a sigh, she settled back into her seat and tried to fall asleep. Two male joggers in their thirties knocked on her window. If she hadn't been really tired, she would have found them cute. Now, they were just annoying. 'Hi,' the blond jogger said. 'Do you have the time?' his brown-haired friend asked. Jane sighed and looked at her watch. '8:19,' she said. 'Thanks,' they said, then jogged off. Jane looked down the road and saw more joggers coming her way. Irritated, she retrieved a pen from the glove box and scrawled 'I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME' on the back of a magazine. She put the hastily constructed sign in the window and settled back to sleep. A thin, pale jogger knocked on the window just as she started dozing off. Jane pointed at the sign and shouted, 'Can't you read?' To which he replied, 'Sure I can, ma'am. I just wanted to let you know: It's 8:27.' Rumor has it, it got rather noisy then.

» Teapots

Today in 
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion.
1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of 
 King William III.
1782 The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians 
 were killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids 
 carried out by other Indians.
1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge 
 at Niagara Falls, NY.
1862 The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched.
1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by 
 Everett Horton.
1894 A dog license law was enacted in the state of New York. 
 It was the first animal control law in the U.S.
1904 The Bundestag in Germany lifted the ban on the Jesuit 
 order of priests.
1905 In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was 
 spreading to Georgia.
1907 The British House of Commons turned down a women's 
 suffrage bill.
1909 Pope Pius X lifted the church ban on interfaith 
 marriages in Hungary.
1910 In France, Baroness de Laroche became the first woman 
 to obtain a pilot's license.
1910 The King of Spain authorized women to attend 
 universities.
1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared 
 that Britain would not support France in the event of a 
 military conflict.
1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and 
 strikes in St. Petersburg. 
1921 Spanish Premier Eduardo Dato was assassinated while 
 leaving the Parliament in Madrid.
1921 French troops occupied Dusseldorf, Germany.
1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first 
 time at Franklin, IN.
1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to 
 extinguish any anti-Nazi protests.
1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon, Burma.
1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in 
 Bougainville. The battle lasted five days.
1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam.
1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction 
 in public schools was unconstitutional.
1953 A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers 
 had quit farming over the last 2 years.
1954 France and Vietnam opened talks in Paris on a treaty 
 to form the state of Indochina.
1959 Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance
1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. 
 They were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam.
1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number 
 of troops in Vietnam.
1973 Two bombs exploded near Trafalgar Square in Great 
 Britain. 234 people were injured.
1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans 
 with poison gas.
1985 The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) reported that 
 407,700 Americans were millionaires.
1988 In Fort Campbell, KY, 17 U.S. soldiers were killed 
 when two Army helicopters collided in midair.
1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three 
 days of protest against Chinese rule.
1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed 
 the firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at 
 the Los Alamos National Laboratory. The firing was a result 
 of alleged security violations.
2001 The U.S. House of Representatives voted for an across-
the-board tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next decade.
2005 In northern Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan 
Maskhadov was killed during a raid by Russian forces.
2014  smiled.


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Lithium laptop batteries on planes 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, March 7.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Kim sent me this link to a close encounter between a young 
elk and a photographer. 


Elk vs Photographer

Unfortunately the young elk's attempts to coax the 
photographer into playing were interpreted by the park 
service as hostile behavior, and the elk was shot.
I guess they have plenty more elk and somebody had a BBQ 
coming up. Still a great video showing what NOT to do with 
elk. Stand up and talk to them! They have always backed off
for me.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Oregon couple, who tried to set a pizza place on fire. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address. --- Lane Olinghouse
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

>From Don Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbour . 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty.'
Click on the picture for the large version Selling the dog on eBay
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Leticia Kagele, 36, and Matthew Bossard, 32, Eugene, Ore Jailed for trying to burn down pizza place with moonshine Leticia Kagele, 36, and Matthew Bossard, 32, were arrested Monday night after allegedly using moonshine to set a pizza restaurant on fire, KPTV reports. Employees of Whirled Pies in Eugene, Ore., said that Kagele and Bossard were drunk and were in the restaurant for "the whole night" prior to the 10 p.m. closing time, according to KMTR. Workers eventually got the pair out the door and locked the restaurant up for the night. But the inebriated couple didn't go quietly. Witnesses said that Kagele and Bossard banged on the door so hard that things inside the restaurant fell to the ground. As staff called police, the couple allegedly smashed through a window. Bossard is said to have grabbed a curtain, made a wick out of it and used it to light a bottle of homemade moonshine on fire. "I thought he was going to blow the place down," employee Soren Kaldaho said. Fortunately, the fire resulted in no serious damage, according to The Register-Guard. The staff of Whirled Pies has apparently kept a great sense of humor about the situation. In a Tuesday Facebook post, they thanked the community for their support and said they would be offering a "flame thrower" pizza this weekend. However, police weren't too amused by the suspects' shenanigans. Both Bossard and Kagele are charged with arson and burglary, while Bossard is facing an additional charge of criminal mischief. Tech Support Pits From: Rita Re: Lithium Batteries Walter, the Stonecarver, also sent the same information. Dear Webby, As to the batteries on a plane, they should not be placed in the checked luggage, but in your carry-on luggage. Flight crew would rather have full access to them in case of fire. This is also a fairly new regulation. The last time I carried batteries in my checked luggage, they were removed and kept. TSA re batteries Rita You can also check SafeTravel These are fairly new regulations mostly based on obsolete information the government has about Lithium natteries. Today's lithium batteries are quite safe, but the TSA will apparently still confiscate and keep them. So, if you have spare laptop batteries, keep them in your carry-on luggage. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lazy Susan for Board Games Use your Lazy Susan for board games, so you can spin the game around for easier viewing for each player's turn. By CDC from FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Don, a Classic: Morris , an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'' The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur, be careful.' Morris laughed and replied: "Too late! I'll outlive you yet!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Thanks to Mary for this story: I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that. "Why?" "Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs." At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, "Um, it's on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." "Oh." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "I get it!!!!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy."
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; while his hobby was golf. The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, 'Fore!' His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, 'Four Fifty!'

» A Beavy of Petals

Today in 
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died.
1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce.
1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men 
 massacred more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners.
1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed.
1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved.
1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent (U.S. Patent 
 No. 174,465) for his telephone.
1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok.
1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a 
 black man accused of murder.
1906 Finland granted women the right to vote.
1908 Cincinnati's mayor, Mark Breith announced before the city 
 council that, "Women are not physically fit to operate automobiles."
1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker.
1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent 20,000 
 troops to the border of Mexico.
1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany.
1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia.
1927 A Texas law that banned Negroes from voting was 
 ruled unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court.
1933 The board game Monopoly was invented.
1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 
 276.8 mph in Florida.
1936 Hitler sent German troops into the Rhineland in 
 violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles.
1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea.
1945 During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River 
 at Remagen, Germany.
1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey 
 competition. Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world 
 ice-hockey title in Stockholm, Sweden.
1959 Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a 
 million miles in jet airplanes.
1965 State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march 
 by civil rights demonstrators in Selma, AL.
1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end.
1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos.
1975 The U.S. Senate revised the filibuster rule. The new 
 rule allowed 60 senators to limit debate instead of the 
 previous two-thirds.
1981 Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the 
 kidnapped American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman. 
 The guerrillas accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent.
1987 Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder 
 when he beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round 
 fight in Las Vegas, NV.
1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II 
 massacre in Katyn.
1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke fun 
 at an original work can be considered "fair use" that does 
 not require permission from the copyright holder.
1994 In Moldovia, a referendum was rejected by 90% of voters 
 to form a union with Rumania.
2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than 
 $88 million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a 
 legal battle over the estate of Smith's late husband, 
 J. Howard Marshall II.
2003 Scientists at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center 
 announced that they had transferred 6.7 gigabytes of 
 uncompressed data from Sunnvale, CA, to Amsterdam, Netherlands, 
 in 58 seconds. The data was sent via fiber-optic cables and 
 traveled 6,800 miles.
2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching 
 for extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched 
 from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida.
2014  smiled.


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Camera batteries on airplane flights 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, March 6.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a British woman Jailed for microwaving kitten to death Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official royal Web site. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address. --- Lane Olinghouse
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

Thanks to Martin for this report: The following are real statements found on insurance claim forms. Drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident succinctly. * Coming home, I drove into wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. * I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my head through it. * The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. * The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. * I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. * In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. * I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision, and I did not see the other car. * The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end. * I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in the ditch by some stray cows. * The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. * I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. * I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. * As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian. * My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle. * An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished. * I told the police that I was not injured, but upon removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull. * I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the curb when I struck him. * The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.
Thanks to Chuck for this story: I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table, my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if pizzas lived in the woods."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Laura Cunliffe, 23, Holyland, England Jailed for microwaving kitten to death Laura Cunliffe, a 23-year-old British woman, pleaded guilty and is now awaiting sentencing after she microwaved a cat to death because the animal attacked her pet goldfish. According to prosecutors, an investigation was launched when Cunliffe admitted to torturing her pet kitten. The admission reportedly came when Cunliffe was visiting a local hospital. During the trial, Cunliffe admitted to placing her 4-month-old kitten into a microwave and then cooking the animal for nearly five minutes in retaliation for attacking her pet goldfish. The kitten was reportedly alive and breathing when Cunliffe removed it from the microwave, however, the animal died about an hour-and-a-half later. "It is a particularly horrendous case because the period of suffering for the kitten would have been awful," said Lynsey Harris of the RSPCA. "The kitten was about four months old and the exposure to the radiation in the microwave would have cooked the animal's internal organs - and that will have been pretty horrendous." Cunliffe's attorney argued that his client suffered from psychosis and depression. The court magistrate, Michael Marks, advised that the court would have to look into Cunliffe's mental health history before sentencing. Cunliffe has already pleaded guilty to a charge of animal cruelty. Sentencing has been scheduled for March 13. Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Camera Batteries Dear Webby, I really enjoy your humor. It is so nice to read good clean jokes & nice pics. I have a question about camera batteries. I have an inexpensive Kodak digital camera & use rechageable batteries in it. Later this year I plan to fly to Calif. I will of course be taking the camera. I plan to pack it in my checked baggage. What I am curious about is it better to take the batteries out of the camera before packing? Also should I do the same w/ the memory card. Thanks for your help. Sharon Dear Sharon The planes they use nowadays are much faster than the stage coach and your flight to California is not going to take much longer than your usual trips to the mall. Don't worry about the the memory chip, but take the batteries out. If you take along a bag full of spare batteries, definitely put them into the checked luggage, along with everything else that might look suspicious on the X-ray. Anything that has an ON/OFF switch shold be securely taped in the OFF position. Luggage is NOT handled gently, and all the stories about electric devices miraculously turning themselves on and causing a lot of embarrassment are not jokes. They ARE TRUE! If there is ANY sound coming from your suitcase, you have to unpack it while surrounded by security guards with explosive shields and drawn guns pointed at you. It even happened to my nephew, when rough luggage handling in Vancouver turned his battery powered razor on. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Your Tank Full Just In Case It's always a good idea to have keep a full tank of gas in your car. In case of a family emergency in the middle of the night, you don't want to run out of gas right in the middle of it and have to search for an open gas station. Also, if the electricity is off in your area, the gas pumps won't be able to work. One of our church members found this out, not long ago, in a citywide power outage. She needed gas and not one gas station was able to allow her to buy, the pumps won't run without electricity. Always be prepared. By Terri from NV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- have you never seen a kid before?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS"
Thanks to Lilly for this story: 10 days after my one-year-old's photo shoot, I returned to the studio to view the pictures on a color monitor. The photographer started describing the merits of each photo, but as he went through the set, he spoke so quickly that I couldn't get a word in as he pressed home his sales pitch. Finally, after we'd seen all 20 poses, he asked me which ones I was most interested in. "None," I replied. "That isn't my child."

» Funny License Plates

Today in 
1521 Ferdinand Magellan discovered Guam.
1834 The city of York in Upper Canada was incorporated as 
 Toronto.
1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Anna and 
 his army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men 
 defeated the 189 Texas volunteers.
1857 The U.S. Supreme Court's Dred Scott decision ruled 
 that blacks could not sue in federal court to be citizens.
1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix Hoffman 
 and Hermann Dreser.
1900 In West Virginia, an explosion trapped 50 coal miners underground.
1901 An assassin tried to kill Wilhelm II of Germany in Bremen.
1928 A Communist attack on Peking, China resulted in 3,000 dead 
 and 50,000 fled to Swatow.
1939 In Spain, Jose Miaja took over the Madrid government after 
 a military coup and vowed to seek "peace with honor."
1944 During World War II, U.S. heavy bombers began the first 
 American raid on Berlin. Allied planes dropped 2000 tons 
 of bombs.
1946 Ho Chi Minh, the President of Vietnam, struck an 
 agreement with France that recognized his country as an 
 autonomous state within the Indochinese Federation and 
 the French Union.
1947 The first air-conditioned naval ship, "The Newport News," 
 was launched from Newport News, VA.
1957 The British African colonies of the Gold Coast and 
 Togoland became the independent state of Ghana.
1960 Switzerland granted women the right to vote in 
 municipal elections.
1960 The United States announced that it would send 3,500 
 troops to Vietnam.
1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson announced his plan to 
 establish a draft lottery.
1970 Charles Manson released his album "Lies" to finance his 
 defense against murder charges.
1973 U.S. President Richard Nixon imposed price controls on 
 oil and gas.
1975 Iran and Iraq announced that they had settled their 
 border dispute.
1980 Islamic militants in Tehran said that they would turn 
 over American hostages to the Revolutionary Council.
1981 U.S. President Reagan announced a plan to cut 37,000 federal jobs.
1987 The British ferry Herald of Free Enterprise capsized in 
 the Channel off the coast of Belgium. 189 people died.
1990 In Afghanistan, an attempted coup to remove President 
 Najibullah from office failed.
1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned 
 the ownership of private property.
1991 In Paris, five men were jailed for plotting to smuggle 
 Libyan arms to the Irish Republican Army.
1992 The computer virus "Michelangelo" went into effect.
1997 A gunman stole "Tete de Femme," a million-dollar 
 Picasso portrait, from a London gallery. The painting 
 was recovered a week later.
1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first 
 official royal Web site.
2014  smiled.


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ClickBook font sizes 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, March 5.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh teen, whose saggy pants trip up his escape attempt after he was handcuffed as a burglary suspect Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough water on the moon to support a human colony and rocket fueling station. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies. --- P. G. Wodehouse (1881 - 1975) No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain you might look good, but all you could run for is public office. --- Covert Bailey (fitness expert) We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by Frankenstein logic. --- David Russell
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

Thanks to Connie for this story: Two Swedes from Minnesota are sittin' in a boat on Dead Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a sudden Sven says, "I tink I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months." Ole sips his beer and says, "You better tink it over. Women like that are hard to find."
>From Jennifer One day at kindergarten a Teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give $10 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." A little Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The Teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct." Then a little Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The Teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either." Finally, a little Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin. Come up here and I'll give you the $10." As the Teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know, Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said 'Jesus Christ'." Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart, I knew it was Moses, but business is business".
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jordan Bodden, 19, Palm Beach, Floriduh Saggy Pants Trip Up Escape Attempt By Handcuffed Florida Burglary Suspect The 19-year-old’s saggy pants stymied an escape attempt Sunday evening after the suspected burglar was detained by Florida cops, according to a police report. After being handcuffed by Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office deputies investigating a series of vehicle break-ins in Lake Worth, Bodden broke away from cops and sought to escape on foot. The teenager’s clothing, however, did not cooperate in the getaway effort. As Bodden fled, his pants slid down to his ankles, causing him to trip (and apparently fall on his face, judging from the above booking photo). Bodden was then scooped up by deputies and charged with three burglary counts, escape, and resisting arrest without violence. He is locked up in the Palm Beach County jail in lieu of $31,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Toby Re: Clickbook Dear Webby, Have some questions about ClickBook printing. When I print the type size is so small I can hardly read it, and when I go to No Scaling, all the sentence is not printed. I cannot find any information on CB help. I know this will reduce the paper saving option, but it will be printed in a more favorable format. Thanks for your daily read. Keep up the good work. Toby Dear Toby Definitely don't use "No Scaling" ! I normally use Side-by-side, folded. Most e-books are formatted so that they wind up with the same font size as regular, store-bought paperback books when printed with ClickBook. (all the Pro's use it.) It has been quite a few years since I had to rip and reformat an e-book. If it is your own writing, for e-books (and anything that is to be printed front and back 4 pages per sheet), use font size 14. Arial, Tahoma and Verdana are the easiest readable fonts. Right now my printer is just a-rocking on the slightly flexible snack cart, that it sits on, printing out an 88 page e-book on 22 sheets of paper. Quite readable even though I had left the printer in toner-saving mode. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Measuring Tape for Clothing Sizing I always travel with a measuring tape and a small note on which I write my measurements, especially. I save both in the plastic yellow egg that comes inside the Kinder chocolate egg. This way I can easily find the egg in my purse; and I don't need to try on clothes or wait for hours for someone to help me to convert inches to centimeters. Also, I don't need to struggle to know my European, U.S. or British size. My mother in law need not set a foot in a department store because I buy all her clothes according to her measurements which I also save in the yellow egg. By Mae from Washington, DC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The band was just getting under way when a large insect flew into the room. The high schoolers, eager to get ready for the first football game, tried to ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student, Little Johnny, could stand it no more. He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, then he stomped on it to ensure its fate. "Is it a bee?" Another student asked. "Nope," Johnny replied. "B-flat."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Ina We were thoroughly confused. While transcribing medical audiotapes, my co-worker came upon the following garbled diagnosis: "This man has pholenfrometrie." Knowing nothing about that particular condition, she double-checked with the doctor. After listening to the tape, he shook his head. "This man," he said, translating for her, "has fallen from a tree."
Laura's husband, Ron, was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said Ron. "It's my wife Laura, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have?" asked the banker. "Frankly," replied Ron with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue with you than with her."

» Paint Palettes

Today in 
1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was 
 enacted in Virginia.
1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class 
 was exempted from whipping by legislation.
1766 The first Spanish governor of Louisiana, Antonio de 
 Ulloa, arrived in New Orleans.
1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops 
 fired on a crowd in Boston killing five people. Two British 
 troops were later convicted of manslaughter.
1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege.
1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez 
 invaded Texas for the first time since the revolution. They 
 briefly occupied San Antonio, but soon headed back to the 
 Rio Grande.
1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels 
 to the western U.S.
1867 An abortive Fenian uprising against English rule took 
 place in Ireland.
1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake.
1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt 
 revolutionary disturbances.
1902 In France, the National Congress of Miners decided 
 to call for a general strike for an 8-hour day.
1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 
 40,000 demonstrators were dispersed by troops.
1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs 
 to show support for striking transit workers.
1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for 
 military purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights 
 behind Turkish lines west of Tripoli.
1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd 
 to Moscow.
1922 "Annie Oakley" (Phoebe Ann Moses) broke all existing 
 records for women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100 
 targets.
1923 Old-age pension laws were enacted in the states of 
 Montana and Nevada.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day 
 bank holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from 
 being withdrawn from banks.
1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German 
 parliamentary elections.
1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was 
 celebrated.
1943 Germany called fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds for 
 military service due to war losses.
1946 The U.S. sent protests to the U.S.S.R. on incursions 
 into Manchuria and Iran.
1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in 
 power for 29 years.
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation 
 in public schools.
1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect 
 after 43 nations ratified it.
1976 The British pound fell below the equivalent of $2 for 
 the first time in history.
1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right 
 to display the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas 
 display.
1984 The U.S. accused Iraq of using poison gas.
1993 Cuban President Fidel Castro said that Hillary Clinton 
 was "a beautiful woman."
1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough 
 water on the moon to support a human colony and rocket 
 fueling station.
1998 It was announced that Air Force Lt. Col. Eileen Collins 
 would lead crew of Columbia on a mission to launch a large 
 X-ray telescope. She was the first woman to command a 
 space shuttle mission. 
2014  smiled.


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Moving to a new harddrive 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, March 4.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Wisconsin Woman Offered Sex, $1000 For Fiancé's Murder, all on tape Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons. --- Will Cuppy
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A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me", she told him earnestly. Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes, he replied reathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside and began to massage him. She then asked him: "How does that feel?" To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
>From Rex For a couple years now I 've been blaming this feeling on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 300 million. 167 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work. Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes. ------- I have a hunch, those numbers need to be udated a bit.
Thanks to Janina for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version tropical-flowers-in-Port-Douglas-Australia
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jessica Strom, 33, Wausau, Wisconsin Wisconsin Woman Offered Sex, $1000 For Fiancé's Murder, on tape MARCH 3--Though she claimed to be willing to kill her fiancé herself, a Wisconsin woman opted instead to offer an informant $1000 plus sexual favors to carry out the murder, police charge. Jessica Strom, 33, allegedly wanted her beau, lawyer John Schellpfeffer, clipped at his office, according to Wausau Police Department reports. To help guide the gunman, Strom, a mother of three young children, provided a diagram of the 49-year-old Schellpfeffer’s workplace, as well as details about the daily routine of some of the attorney’s neighbors, cops noted. The gunman, Strom remarked, could “blow his brains out and walk out.” Police learned of the murder-for-hire plot last week, when the informant--a former classmate of Strom--contacted investigators. The informant, a licensed pilot, told cops that Strom, seen in the adjacent mug shot, asked to meet in person so that they could discuss a “business proposal.” When they got together last Wednesday evening, the man told cops, Strom asked, “Would you ever kill anybody?” When the pilot said no, Strom replied, “Well, what would it take to do it?” She added, “You’re very thorough and you’re very neat and I think you would be a good person to do this for me.” Strom told the pilot that she had been planning to kill Schellpfeffer for two years, claiming that the “controlling” attorney had “done bad things to her and others.” When the man remarked that she was in control and could “just get out of the relationship if she wanted to,” Strom replied “that wouldn’t give her any satisfaction,” investigators reported. Though the pilot had declined the hit solicitation, Strom asked him to think about it overnight. But, she warned, “Don’t tell anyone about this. I don’t want to have to kill you too.” The man subsequently contacted cops and agreed to record a meeting with Strom. As first reported by the Wisconsin Rapids Tribune, Strom assured the man that the murder would be “easy,” noting that, “I would do it, but I can’t, I’d be the first one they’d come after.” Though he had initially asked for $50,000 to kill Schellpfeffer, the informant told Strom that he would settle for $1000, adding “It’s better than nothing, I guess.” Strom replied, “And some sex!” At some point after the killing, Strom told the informant that she would meet up with him and “pay you and fuck you and whatever.” Before separating, Strom told the pilot, “If you chicken out let me know, okay?” She added, “Because otherwise I’ll set it up with someone else.” Strom’s home was raided by police Thursday night and she was arrested for conspiracy to commit first degree murder, which carries a maximum 60-year prison term. Strom told cops that she was not serious about having Schellpfeffer killed, and had intended to contact the pilot the following day to call off the murder. Locked up in lieu of $250,000 cash bond, Strom is scheduled for a March 12 preliminary hearing. Tech Support Pits From: Charles Re: Move to a bigger hard drive Hi Webby, My Dell 60GB Hard Drive has become noisy and I guessed it was time to exchange it for a larger one so that I could fit in a LINUX partition at the same time. Can I copy the entire contents of the existing drive, now CrapCleaned and Defraggled on to a memory stick and back again on to the new drive. It seems to be a good idea but will it work ? Charles Dear Charles Programs all have to be installed. Very few of them can just be dragged onto a drive. That would not "register" them in the Windows Registry. The only civilized way to do that is to use Roboform's "Move It". Just go to Roboform and from there to "Move It". With "Move It" you can do Multiple Transfer Scenarios­Use PCmover to move from an old PC to a new one, to transfer contents of an old hard drive (or image), or to perform an in-place upgrade even from Windows XP. It is not free, about $30, but well worth it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make a Straw Hole in Water Bottle Lid My 3 year old granddaughter loves that I make a hole the size of a straw in the lid of her bottled water container. It makes drinking so much fun and easier. It also keeps Grandma happy too because there are no spills. By Louella from Billings, MT Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Hilla As an instructional assistant for a public school, part of my job involves teaching small groups of children. One day I was in charge of some second-graders, who were con- centrating on their artwork. As I reached across to help a student, he remarked that something smelled good. I was pleased that he noticed my perfume, until he held a wide felt-tip pen up to his nose and said, "Yep. New markers."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Five Jewish men who influenced the history of Western civilization. Moses said the law is everything. Jesus said love is everything. Marx said capital is everything. Freud said sex is everything. Einstein said everything is relative.
There once was a man who traveled to a strange foreign country, and while he was there he found a strange old lamp of some sort. When he got home he polished off the lamp, and out came a genie. Then the genie said "I'll give you three wishes, but on one condition, your mother in law gets twice as much as you wish." So the man decided for his first wish that he wanted 1 billion dollars, so his mother in law (who lived across the street) got 2 billion dollars. For the man's second wish he decided that he wanted to have a 200 room mansion, so his mother in law got a 400 room mansion. For the man's last wish, he took a long time to think it out, and then he said to the genie, "I wish you tear out one of my kidneys."

» A Fleet of Hooves

Today in 
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA.
1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William 
 Penn for an area that later became the state of Pennsylvania.
1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which had 
 caused bitter and violent opposition in the U.S. colonies.
1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. 
 The French garrison evacuated the city without a fight.
1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was 
 the Granite Railway in Quincy, MA.
1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the "Stars 
 and Bars" flag.
1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone.
1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when 
 the "Daily Graphic" was published in New York City.
1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the Manchurian 
 border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced.
1908 The New York board of education banned the act of 
 whipping students in school.
1908 France notified signatories of Algeciras that it would 
 send troops to Chaouia, Morocco.
1914 Doctor Fillatre successfully separated Siamese twins.
1933 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt gave his inauguration 
 speech in which he said "We have nothing to fear, 
 but fear itself."
1950 Walt Disney’s "Cinderella" was released across the U.S.
1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier," 
 the first seagoing radio broadcasting station.
1952 Ronald Reagan and Nancy Davis were married.
1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the first 
 successful kidney transplant.
1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin.
1994 Bosnia's Croats and Moslems signed an agreement to form a 
 federation in a loose economic union with Croatia.
1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human cloning.
1998 Microsoft repaired software that apparently allowed hackers to 
 shut down computers in government and university offices nationwide.
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned 
 on-the-job sexual harassment even when both parties are 
 the same sex.
1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. President 
 Clinton went on sale in the U.S.
2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted 
 government-funded scientists to use embryos left over from 
 fertility treatment or abortions.
2014  smiled.


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Newsletter delivery times 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, March 3.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Teacher - Jailed After Having Sex With Two Students, who talked Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to Huggies Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for diapers had "crossed the line between eye-catching and porn." Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The days of the digital watch are numbered. --- Tom Stoppard (1937 - ) There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class. --- Judith Martin,
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More Light Bulbs How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb? I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday. How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb? One-third less than for a regular bulb. How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end. How many boring people does it take to change a light bulb? Ooooonnnnnnnne. How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a nether world of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness. How many Orthodox Rabbis does it take to change a light bulb? Change? How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's not funny! How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. It turned itself in. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but it sure takes a truckload of light bulbs! How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare. How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years. How many college football players does it take to change a light bulb? The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
When this joke was ent to me, it was about Hillary. Since there are no jokes about "The Other Side", I will just use "*Politician*" instead. You can fill in whoever you want. A man walked into a bar in Louisville, Kentucky and ordered a drink. While he was sitting at the bar watching TV, one of *Politician*'s political ads came on. After it went off, he stood up and announced to everyone, "*Politician* is a horse's ass!" The bartender reached under the bar and brought out an oak club about 18 inches long and hit the man square across the head, knocking him off his stool and onto the floor. After a minute or two, the man got up, straightened himself up and said to the bartender, "I'm sorry. I didn't know this was *Politician* country." "It's not!" replied the bartender. "This is horse country".
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Hummingbird nest
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Lombardo, 25, New York Teacher - Jailed After Having Sex With Two Students, who talked Melissa Lindgren, a 28-year-old teacher at Nicolas Junior High School, was jailed Friday after she allegedly had a sexual relationship with two students. According to Fullerton Police, an investigation was launched Friday morning when the alleged victim and a friend reported the sexual abuse to a counselor. During the course of the investigation, a second alleged victim was identified. Lindgren reportedly admitted to the indiscretion, but stated that it was an isolated incident. Not all of her victims were talkers. The ages of the two victims were not released, however, Lindgren is an 8th grade teacher at the school and at least one of the victims appears to be a student of hers. Lindgren was arrested at the school at 4 p.m. Friday afternoon - about 5 hours after the allegations first surfaced. She was booked into jail and charged with six felony counts, including child molestation, child annoyance and dissemination of harmful matter to a minor. She was released after posting $100,000 bond. Her arraignment hearing has been scheduled for April 9. Tech Support Pits From: John Re: Humor Letter delivery times Dear Webby, There are three folks at this address using the same computer and of course the same internet service. The question is why do I receive your Humor letter first via Telus while one using gmail and the other using peoplepc receive your Humor letter later? Just curious. Thank You John Dear John New subscriptions are added to the end of the list. If their gmail address is a few thousand lines farther down, then naturally it will arrive later. Because of the pictures, it takes a few seconds for each letter. If there are time constraints, for example someone trying to get it before going to work, tell me what the address is, and I'll manually move it to the top. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Under Seat Storage for Your Van This was a project stemmed out of necessity but turned into something very handy. I have a van with front seats that sit high on their bases. Both seats are enclosed on the back. The passenger seat has a door on the front but the driver's seat is open. Plenty of room for stuff under the drivers seat. By Suntydt from Tazewell, TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Donnie an old Classic The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship. Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good", said the teacher. Little Debbie was next.. "I sold magazines" she said, " I explained to everyone that the magazines would keep them up to date on current affairs, I sold heaps and I made $45." "Very good, Debbie", said the teacher. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop, you wanna buy a toothbrush?" I used the POLITICIANS method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free, and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Ira and Esther Goldberg had a large family of seven healthy children. They moved to America from Europe and were having a difficult time finding an apartment to live in. Many apartments were large enough, but the landlords objected to such a large family. After several days of unsuccessful searching, Ira asked Esther to take the four younger children to visit the cemetery, while he took the older three to find an apartment. After they had looked most of the morning, they found a place that was just right. The landlord asked the usual question: "How many children do you have?" Ira answered with a deep sigh, "Seven...but four are with their dear mother in the cemetery." He got the apartment!
An Irishman is walking along the beach one day, and he sees a bottle laying in the sand. He picks it up and starts to brush it off, and out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since you have freed me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes." The Irishman thinks for a moment and says, "I'm feeling a might thirsty, I think I'll be wishing for a pint of stout." POOF! There is a pint of stout in his hand. He drinks it down, and starts to throw the bottle, when the genie says, "I'd look at that bottle again before I threw it if I were you." So he looks at the bottle, and it is magically filling back up with stout. The genie told him, "That is a magic bottle, and it will always fill back up after you finish it." The genie then asked, "What other two wishes can I grant for you?" The Irishman looks at the bottle in his hand and says, "I'll be taking two more of these."

» Great Lakes Ice Caves

Today in 
1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill.
1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville 
 to New Orleans was opened.
1845 Florida became the 27th U.S. state.
1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a 
 U.S. President’s veto. It was the first time the Congress 
 had achieved this.
1849 The Gold Coinage Act was passed by the U.S. Congress. 
 It allowed the minting of gold coins.
1857 Britain and France declared war on China.
1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano. 
 The treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, Montenegro, 
 and the autonomy of Bulgaria.
1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work.
1903 In St. Louis, MO, Barney Gilmore was arrested for spitting.
1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants.
1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a 
 political document with Thomas Edison's cylinder.
1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly.
1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with tires.
1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists.
1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and resorted 
 to guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S. intervention.
1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany, 
 Austria and Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation 
 in World War I.
1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key, 
 was adopted as the American national anthem. The song was 
 originally a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry."
1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria.
1945 Finland noticed who was winning and changed sides in WWII
1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law that 
 banned Communist teachers in the U.S.
1956 Morocco gained its independence.
1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he 
 killed Robert Kennedy.
1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War II.
1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10 crashed 
 just after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris.
1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his grave 
 in Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was recovered 11 
 weeks later near Lake Geneva.
1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels final 
 voyage had ended on May 26, 1979.
1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to 
 Huggies Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for 
 diapers had "crossed the line between eye-catching and porn."
1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of 
 $30 million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras.
1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police 
 officers. The scene was captured on amateur video.
1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with 
 the Chiapas rebels.
1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to 
 circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They 
 succeeded on March 20, 1999. 
2014  smiled.


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How to stop Windows Auto-complete 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, March 2.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an "Internet Star", who Received Stiff Prison Sentence for fooling around with underage fans. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source of interior heat. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You can't have everything. Where would you put it? --- Steven Wright (1955 - )
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The lawyer emailed his client overseas: "Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Shall we order embalming, burial or cremation?" Back came the reply, "Take no chances - order all three."
Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when the decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush. About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighborhood bar for a couple of beers. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti! How about you, how's that toilet brush?" "Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to usin' paper."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version There is spring somewhere!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Lombardo, 25, New York "Internet Star", who Received Stiff Prison Sentence for fooling around with underage fans. FEBRUARY 28--A New York musician whom prosecutors described as an “Internet star” was sentenced this morning to five years in federal prison for exchanging explicit images with underage female fans. During a hearing in U.S. District Court in Syracuse, Michael Lombardo, 25, was sentenced by Judge David Hurd for his guilty plea last year to a felony charge of receiving child pornography. Lombardo, seen at right, will also have to register as a convicted sex offender and serve five years of probation upon his release from custody. In a February 14 sentencing memorandum, prosecutors argued that Lombardo should receive 20 years in prison, the statutory maximum. Lombardo’s lawyers countered that the mandatory minimum, five years, was appropriate punishment. Lombardo, a Berklee College of Music graduate, developed a large following of female teenage fans via a series of YouTube performance videos. Investigators contended that Lombardo, who also worked as a sound engineer at an upstate high school, then “took advantage of his position as an Internet star” to sexually exploit 11 minors (who sent the singer/songwriter sexually explicit photos and videos). Pointing to a September 2010 online conversation with a 16-year-old girl, prosecutors noted that Lombardo was keenly aware that he was violating the law. During that exchange, Lombardo suggested to the girl that she delete chat logs and photos they exchanged since, “that’s like 5 years in federal prison and sex offender registration.” He added, “until you’re 18. Lol.” In a sentencing submission, Lombardo’s lawyer described the convicted felon as a “sought-after musical performer, live and on the Internet, who developed a following of fans, some of whom became ‘groupies.’” The attorney added, “Approximately 80% of the females he engaged in cybersex with were older than 17.” In an interview with a clinical psychologist, Lombardo stated that he was “approached sexually by female fans through the Internet and that he had responded to perhaps 30% of those overtures,” according to the defense’s sentencing memorandum. Lombardo estimated that he engaged in cybersex with “about fifty females and that probably 80% of them were adult.” Lombardo told Dr. Norman Lesswing that his behavior was “stupid and dumb,” though he “denied that he manipulated, coerced or met with any of these females for the purpose of having sexual relations.” In fact, Lombardo added that he had “literally hundreds of opportunities, while touring, to ‘hook up,'” but only did so “with a college student on one occasion.” Tech Support Pits From: Rona Re: Windows Autocomplete Dear Webby, When I go into a paid web site, they ask for my user name and pass word. Once I've supplied this information, my computer asks if I would like to save the info, or it tells me that it is different then what I've already saved. How do I convince Windows to leave me alone? I use IE. Rona Dear Rona Yes, I agree, that auto-complete for forms is a real nuisance. To turn off the autocomplete and save prompts: 1. Click the 'Tools' menu at the top of your browser, and select 'Internet Options.' 2. Open the 'Content' tab at the top of the dialogue box. 3. Click the 'AutoComplete...' button, uncheck the 'User names and passwords on forms' and uncheck 'Prompt me to save passwords' boxes. 4. Click 'OK.' Unless you want to totally disable all password management, I would highly recommend RoboForm. I have relied on it for so long, I would be totally lost without it. I finally got around to putting a link to it in the side menu. It's a free and zero fuss download. If you have for example half a dozen different PayPal accounts for different departments, RoboForm doesn't just automatically log you into the first one, like Windows does. It offers you a list of your PayPal accounts and lets you select which one you want. Select one, then hit "Fill and Submit" and you are logged into the correct one. The same with Google. If you are subscribed to a bunch of different discussion groups, RoboForm shows you your list of Google accounts and lets you select the right one. Whatever site you go to, RoboForm shows you just the accounts that you have at that site. You can also easily edit each account or delete obsolete ones. If you don't see the side menu, click here to get RoboForm Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving a Wet Cellphone I have saved my cellphone three times from certain death and I wish to pass along the technique. I dropped it once into a puddle under a vacation home I had rented, a fluke happening as I was looking at the rainwater puddling under the home. Two other times I stupidly dropped the phone into the toilet because I bought the cheap belt holder and it flipped out as I stood up. You have to immediately pop the battery off of the phone, you have about 5 seconds before the water infiltrates the chip and fries the electronics. Practice this ahead of time so you know how to do it quickly. You now have some time to locate a hair dryer, after you kick yourself for being clumsy. Set the hair dryer on medium and proceed to dry the phone and battery for about 15 minutes. Relax and time your rescue and consider how much money you are saving, not to mention the hassle of going to the phone store and paying to replace the phone. If the phone is too hot to touch you are too close, you aren't trying to cook it, just dry it out, back off and turn the phone around every 30 seconds or so. After the 15 minutes, reattach the battery and you should be good to go. There is a little white patch inside the battery compartment that turn colors if it gets wet. This alerts the phone company if you try to pass the phone off as faulty instead of admitting you accidentally dropped it in the toilet. This technique has not failed me yet. Good luck and buy the more expensive belt holder. By Kenorri from Maryland Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Martin for this story: Priceless, even though it's a classic TAIL GATING: A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. "I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' License plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday- School' bumper Sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, Naturally... I had to assume you had stolen the car."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the councelor. "How did you do it?" "I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a chicken."
Lynne was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?" "Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!" "Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question." "I object!" the defense said again. "No, really," said Lynne. "I'll answer." The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object." So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?" Lynne replied brightly, "I don't remember! Ask me where I was last night!"

» Tiny Huts

Today in 
1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the 
 importation of slaves".
1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and 
 an ad interim government was formed.
1866 Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine 
 needles.
1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation that would 
 have required a literacy test for immigrants entering 
 the country.
1901 The first telegraph company in Hawaii opened.
1901 The U.S. Congress passed the Platt amendment, which 
 limited Cuban autonomy as a condition for withdrawal 
 of U.S. troops.
1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in 
 New York City. The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first 
 hotel exclusively for women.
1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional 
 color photography at the Academy of Sciences.
1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II 
 abdicating.
1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship 
 with the enactment of the Jones Act.
1925 State and federal highway officials developed a 
 nationwide route-numbering system and adopted the 
 now familiar U.S. shield-shaped, numbered marker.
1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world 
 premiere in New York.
1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam.
1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in 
 Fort Worth, TX. The American plane had completed 
 the first non-stop around-the-world flight.
1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport 
 Concorde made its first test flight.
1986 Corazon Aquino was sworn into office as president 
 of the Philippines. Her first public declaration was 
 to restore the civil rights of the citizens of her country.
1987 The U.S. government reported that the median price 
 for a new home had gone over $100,000 for the first time.
1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations 
 all agreed to ban all production of CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) 
 by the end of the 20th century.
1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev 
 was killed by a gunman in Moscow.
1998 The U.N. Security Council endorsed U.N. chief Kofi 
 Annan's deal to open Iraq's presidential palaces to arms 
 inspectors.
1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated 
 that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a 
 source of interior heat.
2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had 
 discovered evidence that water had existed on Mars 
 in the past.
2011 Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's iPad 2. 
2014  smiled.


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Windows slowing after Updates 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, March 1.
To celebrate the begin of March we got an inch of powder 
snow overnight, and clear skies with sunshine in the morning.
By noon, when I walked to the post office and back, it had 
warmed up to -27 with just a light wind. At the post office
I remembered that I had lent the car to Barb, and that the
post office box key is on the car key ring. 

And no, they did not give me my mail. I guess, that would 
be too much like customer service.

It is cooling off drastically now, and I have a hunch Barb 
will be needing the car again at 4:45 am. I am going to 
start it and warm it up, just in case. Sure is a lot easier
with remote start than it used to be in the 70's, 80's
and 90's in the Yukon.

There the procedure was getting elbowed and reminded to go
start the truck, because it was 3 or 4 hours since the last
start, dressing up and shuffling out to the truck, putting 
the tiger torch and stove pipe under the truck and plywood
all around it, and going back inside for a coffee.

Ten, fifteen minutes later I'd go out there with my thermos
mug and a warm pillow, because sitting on the hard, frozen
seat is rather uncomfortable. After that it usually started
quite nicely. Then I just sit in the truck, sip my coffee,
watch the northern lights and wait for the engine to warm up.

With a carpet in front of the radiator and over the engine 
that usually only took fifteen minutes. The cab didn't really
warm up till spring, but as long as the engine temperature 
was at a quarter, that was good enough. 

Then I could stomp back toward the house, give each of the 
dogs some obligatory petting on the way by, and finally get
back inside and warm up. 

Surprisingly, that seemed quite normal and no big deal.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a guy in Floriduh, who claimed he thought Cocain was not illegal in Floriduh. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied forces were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
People want economy and they will pay any price to get it. --- Lee Iacocca (1924 - ) "Half the people in Hollywood are dying to be discovered and the other half are afraid they will be." --- Lionel Barrymore
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

A man moved into a nudist colony. He received a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cut a photo in half, but accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo. He was really worried when he realized that he sent the wrong half, but then remembered how bad his grandmother's eyesight was, and hoped she wouldn't notice. Aftera couple of weeks he got a letter from her. It said, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style! You definitely got the Hinkley nose, but your hair style makes your nose look too short. Love, Grandma"
TOP 15 BIBLICAL WAYS TO ACQUIRE A WIFE 1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours. - (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) 2. Find a prostitute and marry her. - (Hosea 1:1-3) 3. Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock - Moses (Exodus 2:16-21) 4. Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal. - Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10) 5. Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife. - Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25) 6. Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you. - Adam (Genesis 2:19-24) 7. Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That's ri! ght. Fourteen years of hard labor for a wife. - Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30) 8. Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. - David (I Samuel 18:27) 9. Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll definitely find someone. (It's all relative, of course.) - Cain (Genesis 4:16-17) 10. Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest. - Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4) 11. When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I have seen a ... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me." - Samson (Judges 14:1-3) 12. Kill any husband and take HIS wife (Prepare to lose four sons, though=). - David (2 Samuel 11) 13. Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a good idea; it's the law.) - Onan and Boaz (Deuterono! my or Leviticus, example in Ruth) 14. Don't be so picky. Ma ke up for quality with quantity. - Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3) 15. A wife?...NOT! - Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32-35)
Thanks to Janina for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Near Ayers Rock
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Guy Lanchester, 46, Key West, Floriduh Man Arrested For Cocaine Possession Thought Drug 'Wasn't Illegal In Florida.' A man arrested Sunday for cocaine possession told police in Key West that he "thought cocaine wasn't illegal in Florida," NBC Miami reports. He was wrong. Ignorance aside, authorities still arrested Guy Lanchester, 46, charging him with cocaine possession and felony tampering with evidence. Police say that Lanchester was caught suspiciously tossing a small plastic bag filled with white powder behind a planter. In fact, cocaine is very illegal in Florida and elsewhere. It is a schedule II substance under the Controlled Substances Act. Tech Support Pits From: Carol Re: Slower after every Microsoft Update Dear Webby, Rousing thinder and lightning storm woke me early this AM. Turned on the computer and after a re=boot it is behaving somewhat normally. It does seem slower after every MSFT update though. THanks again. Carol Dear Carol Yes, I noticed that too with Microsoft updates, especially with their frantic attempts to slow downXP to the speed, -or lack thereof-, of W7. Soon they will start slowing down W7 to the crawl of W8. If you have an XP, hang on to it! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gargle With Salt Water At the first sign of a sore throat, gargle with a warm solution of salt and water. Salt is very healing. Then call the doctor. If it is strep throat you need to get on antibiotics immediately. My son has had a problem with strep throat all of his life. (He is now 34.) Usually the doctor will swear on his diploma that it isn't strep. My son has to insist on having a culture. (the test for strep.) It always comes back positive, so if you are concerned that the doctor could be wrong, you might have to push him along. Source: Salt water gargle has been recommended for generations, and the doctor will usually suggest it. By hopeful from Salem, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old overheard some of her parents' private conversations. One day when Diane and her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little girl if she was excited about the new baby. "Oh, yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to name it. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina, and if it's a boy we're going to call it quits!"
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a dozy to explain the bandage on my crown. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! the garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" She pleaded "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, it'll only take a second." So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements. Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to contort inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed. Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a step-by-step manner. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is alarmed. It was a dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek great heights to escape, I never made it that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter. At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue?" If they had only known.

» Orange It Is:

Today in 
1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique 
 on his way to India.
1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 
 Huguenots. The event started the First War of Religion.
1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 
 the Salem witch trials began. Four women were the first 
 to be charged.
1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman
1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of 
 the Mameluke dynasty.
1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. 
 He had been forced to abdicate in April of 1814.
1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy.
1869 Postage stamps with scenes were issued first time.
1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of 
 Yellowstone National Park. It was the world's first 
 national park.
1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the 
 manufacturing the first practical typewriter.
1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the 
 forces of Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. The 
 Italians were defeated.
1900 In South Africa, Ladysmith was relieved by British 
 troops after being under siege by the Boers for more 
 than four months.
1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews 
 left due to evacuations.
1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump 
 from a moving airplane.
1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank.
1937 U.S. Steel raised workers’ wages to $5 a day.
1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile 
 license plates were issued.
1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station 
 W47NV began operations.
1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the 
 Tripartite Pact.
1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations.
1949 Joe Louis announced that he was retiring from boxing 
 as world heavyweight boxing champion.
1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic 
 secrets to the Soviet Union.
1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a 
 hydrogen bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean.
1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile.
1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President Kennedy.
1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. 
 It was the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the surface 
 of another planet.
1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese 
 technicians to leave the country.
1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of 
 the U.S. Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group 
 protesting the Vietnam War claimed responsibility.
1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic 
 riots between Armenians and Azerbaijanis.
1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council 
 imposed a curfew on minors.
1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a 
 majority of the Moslem and Croatian communities voted 
 in favor of Bosnia's independence.
1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from 
 Yugoslavia.
1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of 
 food stamp recipients had reached a record number of 
 26.6 million.
1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort 
 to placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre.
1995 Yahoo! was incorporated.
1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four 
 other bombs went off in the capital.
1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by 
 Hutu rebels.
2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied 
 forces were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters.
2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22 
 different organizations around the government became part 
 of the Department of Homeland Security.
2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani 
 agents near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind 
 behind the terrorist attacks on the United States on 
 September 11, 2001.
2014  smiled.


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Quicken and Picasa for Linux
     
     
 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, February 28.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you Chief Jim!
Thank you, Ron!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Illinois couple tried to stiff cabbie after sex in the cab Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated in Stockholm. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
No one can really pull you up very high-- you lose your grip on the rope. But on your own two feet you can climb mountains. --- Louis Brandeis
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

>From Glen autocorrect gone wrong A man received the following text from his neighbor: I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been 'tapping' your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: "Damn 'autocorrect'. I meant 'WIFI', not 'wife'.
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous -- yes. The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar -- effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff." "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. "Take care of the rocks first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version This one bloomed today: Ripsalis-guenteri2
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrew Vukovich and Stefanie Herringer Couple Tried To Stiff Taxi Driver After Sex Session In Rear Of Illinois Cab Perhaps they thought the performance was payment enough. An Illinois cab driver recently called police to complain that a couple who had just finished having sex in the rear of his cab were refusing to pay the $83 fare. Hack Faisal Kokazeh, 28, told Orland Park Police Department officers that passengers Andrew Vukovich and Stefanie Herringer claimed they were unable to pay him at the conclusion of a recent 3:30 AM ride. Kokazeh noted that he “witnessed both Andrew and Stefanie perform intercourse in the back of the van,” and “simply wanted both of them out of the taxi, and the fare paid,” according to a police report. Vukovich and Herringer, an officer reported, smelled of booze and “were producing incoherent sentences, attempting to gather clothing that was strewn throughout the taxi.” And neither of them “had a purse or wallet on their person.” The couple, who had been driven by Kokazeh to Vukovich’s home, avoided arrest when Vukovich, seen above, “was able to obtain his mother’s credit card” to pay for the fare. Apparently he lives at his mother's place. Herringer, who police believed needed medical treatment "due to ... incoherent statements, inability to walk without assistance, constant change in emotion, and pale appearance," was treated at the scene, then transported to the police department until a relative could pick her up. Tech Support Pits From: Fred Re: Quicken on Linux Dear Webby, I bought a used Dell Optiplex760 without an operating system. I put Linux Mint15 and Opera on it. It does great on the web. I can't find a suitable replacement for Quicken (Deluxe98) and Picasa3. Is there a way around this without going to Windows? I would appreciate any help you can give me. Thanks, Fred Dear Fred You can use CodeWeaver's Crossover https://www.codeweavers.com/compatibility/browse/name/?app_id=10748 and install Quicken 2013. Most likely you can install your ancient 1898 version too. Picasa is a different story. Google has stopped supporting Picasa for Linux a couple of years ago. The Windoze version is still supported, but it would be a good idea to look for an alternative. There are plenty of those in Linux. If you HAVE to use Picasa, install it with WINE. Here is how to install it onto Mint15: Picasa onto Mint15 For those of you, who are not Penguins (Linux Fans), Mint15 is a popular flavor of Linux. Unlike with Microsoft, that dictates which operating system is good for their Asian computer factories, ahem, is good for you, There are hundreds of different "flavors" or versions of Linux, all of them free. Some versions like "Puppy" are so compact, that you can have it on a key fob thumb drive or camera chip. At the opposite end is CentOS, that is used on Millions of web servers. You probably have never visited a web site, that was not on a server powered by CentOS Linux. For home use, though, Mint15 is much friendlier. Ubuntu is also quite popular. If you consider trying Linux with a Live CD, without giving up Windows, find a Linux user in your area and start with whatever flavor she or he recommends. You can always experiment and try other flavors later. Most people do. But start with whatever your "mentor" uses. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Towel for a Makeshift Bib When you need to protect your clothing while eating, use a towel with binder clips as a "bib". Tie the ends of a lightweight cord or yarn, long enough to go around your neck plus a bit more, to two binder clips. Using a small towel or something of that nature, attach the binder clips to two corners and you have a quick "bib" for whenever you are eating something messy. Detach when done, wash the "bib" and either take apart the "bib" holder or put away for another time. I would use this for an older child. I don't know if it would be safe for a baby or toddler because of the metal clips. By Mkymlp from NE PA Electronic Test leads with alligator clips on each end work even better. They come in assorted bright colors ten per bag for less than a binder clip. And if they get left on accidentally and go through the wash and the dryer, they don't suffer and they don't make a racket and they don't damaage other items. Get the shortest ones they have at your electronics store. Have FUN! DerWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Chanow and his drinking buddy are sitting at a bar . See those guys over there ? Chanow says." I'm going over there and ask them what they think of Slobovians." Chanowki walks up to the two guys sitting at the other end of the bar and asks them what they think of Slobovians. One of the men gives Chanow the finger. The middle finger. Chanow then walks back to his drinking buddy. "Well , what do they think of Slobovians?'' he asks. "We're still number one , " replies Chanow.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Wife: I want to know if I have grounds for a divorce. Lawyer: Are you married? Wife: Yes, of course. Lawyer: Then you have grounds.
>From Dianne I was having trouble with my computer. So I called my friend Richard, the computer geek, to come over. Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "Yo, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An ID ten T error? What's that .. in case I need to fix it again?" Richard grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote down. I D 1 0 T ....IDIOT.... I used to like Richard

» Hot Air Balloons

Today in 
1827 The Baltimore & Ohio Railroad became the first railroad 
 incorporated for commercial transportation of people 
 and freight.
1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn 
 arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California 
 had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 
 4 months and 21 days.
1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 
 50 slavery opponents began the new political group.
1893 Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum.
1956 A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory core.
1974 The U.S. and Egypt re-established diplomatic relations 
 after a break of seven years.
1983 "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program in 
 history when the final episode aired.
1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated 
 in Stockholm.
1993 U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed 
 religious cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest 
 the leader of the Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on 
 federal firearms charges. Four agents and six Davidians 
 were killed and a 51-day standoff followed.
1994 NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16 
 fighters shot down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation 
 of a no-fly zone over central Bosnia.
1998 Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out "terrorist gangs" 
 in the Yugoslav province of Kosovo.
2014  smiled.


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XP fear mongering 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, February 27.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Floriduh teacher's Aide Jailed for Bottomless DUI Safari Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush announced live on TV that "Kuwait is liberated." Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Luck is what you have left over after you give 100 percent. --- Langston Coleman
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

>From Walter, the Stonecarver at http://stonecarver.com The current phone number for Obamacare (Obama's healthcare) now is 1-800-318-2596 which spells out 1-800-f1uckyo Not as naughty. Sorry about the misinformation yesterday!
He was on the bus where he normally gets his lunch stolen when he brought out a bottle that had what looked like small brown balls in it. He then, making sure no one was looking, secretly took from his pocket some milk duds and started popping them in his mouth, as obvious to the rest of the kids as possible, making yum yum noises. The bully, without asking, snatched the jar from Ken's hand and asked, "What's in the bottle that you are making such a big deal of?" "Well, they're smart pills." "Smart pills?" the bully asked, then opened the jar and popped a couple of the foreign brown balls in his mouth. "Pweeuuweppblahhh!!" he reacted. "What is this stuff? It tastes like rabbit turds!!" "Do you eat a lot of rabbit turds to be able to recognize them so quickly? Or are you getting smarter already?"
Thanks to Janina for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Tropical flowers in Port Douglas, Australia
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristi Steuber, 41, Wesley Chapel, Floriduh Jailed for Bottomless DUI Safari Kristi Steuber, a 41-year-old teacher's aide at Paul R Smith Middle School, was jailed Saturday after she was allegedly caught driving drunk with no pants on. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, Steuber was stopped early Saturday morning when a deputy clocked her traveling 69 miles-per-hour in a 55-mph zone. When the deputy approached the driver's window and smelled the odor of alcohol, Steuber was asked to step out of the vehicle to complete a field sobriety test. That's when the deputy realized that Steuber was completely nude from the waist down. Steuber, according to the arrest affidavit, didn't realize that she had no pants on. Deputies pointed out her lack of clothing four times before she finally understood what they were saying and put some pants on. Steuber's blood alcohol level was measured at 0.135 and 0.137 after failing a field sobriety test. She was booked into the Pasco County Jail and charged with DUI. Tech Support Pits From: Darla Re: XP fearmongering Dear Webby, I wrote to you back in January regarding the no support issue for XP after April 8th. I’ve been reading more info & getting more confused. I have a couple of question’s to ask you because I don’t want to have to buy a new computer right now. If I keep my old computer with XP & continue to use Internet Explorer & Outlook Express (Also use Kasperksy) will I be ok from Hacker's etc ? Or would I be any safer using Chrome as my default browser while still using Outlook Express ? A employee at a "store" that sells computers said I could keep XP and change to Chrome and still be able to use Outlook Express for my mail. Thank you so much for your time, Darla Dear Darla Your XP with Kasperski and IE and Outlook Express will continue to function as usual. Just because you are cute and sexy, that does not mean the hackers will stop trying to break into banks and government, and suddenly focus on you. Keep in mind that industry and commerce uses 55% Linux and 45% XP. The ones that use XP all have a Linux "Live CD' in a drawer and can switch to Linux in minutes. All the store POS (Point Of Sale) machines run fine on Linux, but nobody in their right mind would try to run them on W7. For W7 and W8 they would have to replace the machines. While that would delight Microsoft and their Asian computer manufacturing businesses, industry and commerce does not consider that a justifiable business expense, not when everything runs just fine on XP or Linux. Any hostile action by Microsoft against XP users will just drive Industry and Commerce to Linux. So, don't panic about the sales hype. Outlook Express is on Death Row. It would probably be a good idea to start getting used to an email program, that is viable. I still use Eudora, and have since 1993. The modern version of it, using the source code of it, is Thunderbird. I have never heard anything bad about it. You might want to look at Thunderbird and get familiar with it. The major difference between Eudora and Thunderbird is that Thunderbird has a Linux version. That way, if you some day have to replace your XP when it dies of old age, and you get fed up with W8 and switch to Linux, you are already comfortable with the email program. The same goes for browsers. FireFox is the same on Windows and Linux. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Toothbrush In Cabinet We have all heard keeping a toothbrush in the vicinity of a flushing toilet is not good, as it can catch what sprays into the air, ick! So, all it takes is a wood bathroom cabinet and cup hooks, problem easily solved. By linda h. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A nurse noticed a man in golf attire pacing up and down out- side the operating room where another golfer who had a golf ball driven down his throat, was being treated. "Is he a relative of yours?" the nurse, stepping outside the room, asked the pacing golfer. "No," replied the man, "That's my ball!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Casey When I was a child my family used to sometimes take our vacations, in British Columbia. In those days all Canadians appreciated their American neighbors. We had a favorite place to visit, mostly because of the fine fishing. It was at a Lake that was about 30 miles long and a 1/2 mile wide. While we were around our campfire in the evening the local Indians would go from camp to camp selling their wares. They would also tell of the Legends of the area. This one Legend always stuck in my mind. It seemed that on this particular Lake two Indian Tribes made their homes. They were, however, at War, with one another from years before. There was an Indian Maiden in one Camp who was in love with a young Brave in the other Camp. They used to stand, on the shore, each on their respective side of the Lake, and chant Indian love calls to each other...even though they were warned by their Chiefs that nothing could ever come of it. One day they just could not stand being apart any longer. That evening, on a cold Fall night, they each jumped into the Lake and swam towards each other in the Moonlight. When they reached each other in the center of the Lake, they embraced and eventually froze to death. This act so im- pressed the Brave's Tribe that they named the Lake after the young man. I will never forget those wonderful vacations that we spent at "Lake Stupid".
THESE ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS: Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle. When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

» Tiny Shacks:

Today in 
1700 The Pacific Island of New Britain was discovered.
1801 The city of Washington, DC, was placed under 
 congressional jurisdiction.
1827 New Orleans held its first Mardi Gras celebration.
1861 In Warsaw, Russian troops fired on a crowd protesting 
 Russian rule over Poland. Five protesting marchers were 
 killed in the incident.
1867 Dr. William G. Bonwill invented the dental mallet.
1883 Oscar Hammerstein patented the first cigar-rolling 
 machine.
1896 The "Charlotte Observer" published a picture of an 
 X-ray photograph made by Dr. H.L. Smith. The photograph 
 showed a perfect picture of all the bones of a hand and 
 a bullet that Smith had placed between the third and 
 fourth fingers in the palm.
1900 In South Africa, the British received an unconditional 
 surrender from Boer Gen. Piet Cronje at Paardeberg.
1933 The Reichstag, Germany's parliament building in Berlin, 
 was set afire. The Nazis accused Communist for the fire.
1939 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed sit-down strikes.
1949 Chaim Weizmann became the first Israeli president.
1951 The 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified, 
 limiting U.S. Presidents to two terms.
1973 The American Indian Movement occupied Wouned Knee in 
 South Dakota.
1981 Chrysler Corporation was granted an additional $400 million 
 in federal loan guarantees. Chrysler had posted a loss of 
 $1.7 billion in 1980.
1986 The U.S. Senate approved the telecast of its debates 
 on a trial basis.
1990 The Exxon Corporation and Exxon Shipping were indicted 
 on five criminal counts in reference to the 1989 Exxon 
 Valdez oil spill.
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush announced live on TV
 that "Kuwait is liberated."
1997 In Ireland, divorce became legal.
1998 Britain's House of Lords agreed to give a monarch's 
 first-born daughter the same claim to the throne as any 
 first-born son. This was the end to 1,000 years of male 
 preference.
2002 In Boston, twenty people working at Logan International 
 Airport were charged with lying to get their jobs or 
 security badges. 
2014  smiled.


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How to delete redundant mailboxes in Eudora 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, February 26.

In spots that are sheltered from the wind, the sun has
already quite noticeable warmth, even at -26.
With the hood up, back to the wind, face to the sun, 
it is actually quite pleasant. 
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Floriduh woman called 911 twice for sex Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1998 - In Oregon, a health panel rules that taxpayers must help to pay for doctor-assisted suicides. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. --- Bill Cosby (1937 - ) Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. --- Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC)
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

>From Tom The phone number for Obamacare (Obama's healthcare) is 1-800-382-5968 or 1-800 Fuck You Very thoughtful of them to pick a number, that is easy to remember!
Thanks to Kati for this story: People frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went into a shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a "Nazi." He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a "doughnut eating Gestapo." He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had an Obama bumper sticker. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.
Thanks to Janina for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Tropical flowers in Port Douglas, Australia
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Maria Montanez-Colon, 58, Punta Gorda, Floriduh Floriduh woman called 911 twice for sex A Florida woman who described herself as “horny” was arrested Friday after calling 911 to summon a police officer to her home, where she aggressively pawed and propositioned him and announced, “I haven’t been penetrated in years.” Maria Montanez-Colon, 58, initially called police Friday night regarding a family dispute over ownership of a Corvette that belonged to her late husband (who she said was a former New York Police Department officer). When a Punta Gorda Police Department cop arrived at her residence, a tipsy Montanez-Colon began hitting on him, according to a police report. Pictured above, Montanez-Colon reportedly told Officer Justin Davoult, “You are so sexy,” and asked about his marital status. She also announced, “I haven't been penetrated in years,” and “I am so horny.” Davoult, 31, noted that, “I asked her what I could help her with and she stated ‘You can fuck me.’” In addition to the verbal come-ons, Montanez-Colon allegedly tried to rub the cop’s chest and grab his arm. After Davoult told Montanez-Colon that her behavior was inappropriate, she stated, “I’m bad, I know.” Less than an hour after Davoult departed her home, Montanez-Colon again called 911, announcing that the cop had “pissed her off” and she “wanted to see another officer.” Davoult and a police lieutenant responded to the emergency call. Montanez-Colon told the lieutenant that Davoult had been “a perfect gentleman, but when I asked him to fuck me, he turned me down so that made me angry.” When Davoult then asked Montanez-Colon whether she recalled their prior conversation about misuse of the 911 system, she answered, “I do, but how else am I going to get you to fuck me?” Montanez-Colon was then arrested for making false 911 calls, a misdemeanor, and booked into the Charlotte County jail, where she remains locked up. Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Delete redundant mailboxes in Eudora Dear Webby, Per your recommendation I've been using Eudora for a number of years. I've set up numerous mailboxes to retain information. I would like to delete some of those mailboxes but cannot figure out how to do it. I've searched Eudora 'help', and FAQ's to no avail. I've deleted all the mail in the mailboxes but cannot delete the box from my listing. Peace Frank Ark City Dear Frank Click on TOOLS Mailboxes highlight an obsolete mailbox hit Delete You will get a little warning pop-up telling you, that it will be permanent and not reversible, Hit OK. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Vacuum To Clean Vacuum Filter I own a vacuum cleaner that has a dust bin instead of using a bag. It contains a cylindrical fluted filter which is rather difficult to clean. I usually clean by banging it on a cement wall outside. However, we have so much snow this winter here in ND, there is no good place to do this outside. What to do...? I solved the problem by vacuuming the filter using my upstairs vacuum cleaner. This worked so well that I won't go back to doing it outside any more. The upstairs vacuum cleaner has a sponge-like filter and I can clean that one with my downstairs vacuum cleaner. I believe I will also clean the fluted filter on my Dustbuster that way. By Judy from Valley City, ND For health considerations, the filters should be blown off in a reverse direction, outside. Many vacuum cleaners have an air outlet, where you can plug a hose in to use as a blower. You don't need compressed air for that or a leaf blower, just any old vacuum cleaner, that has an Air-OUT fitting for the hose. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda..."The Apostles were in one Accord."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

That reminds me of this story: A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study the bible a little, and get your hair cut; then we'll talk about it." A month later the boy came back and again asked his father if he could use the car. His father said, "Son, I'm really proud of you. You brought your grades up, studied the bible well, but you didn't get your hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know dad, I've been thinking about that. Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." His father replied, "Yes son, and they walked everywhere they went."
Our Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric wing of the hospital. When a new baby was brought into the nursery, all the women tried to guess its weight, but the guy standing next to me was the only male to venture a number. "Looks like 9 pounds," he offered confidently. "This must not be your first," I said. "Oh, yes," he said. "It's my first." "Then how would you know the weight of a baby?" I asked. He shrugged. "I'm a fisherman."

» Butterflies

Today in 
1815 - Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. 
 He then began his second conquest of France.
1848 - The second French Republic was proclaimed.
1870 - In New York City, the first pneumatic-powered 
 subway line was opened to the public.
1907 - The U.S. Congress raised their own pay to $7500.
1916 - Mutual signed Charlie Chaplin to a film contract.
1919 - In Arizona, the Grand Canyon was established as a 
 National Park with an act of the U.S. Congress.
1929 - U.S. President Coolidge signed a bill creating the 
 Grand Teton National Park.
1930 - New York City installed traffic lights.
1933 - A ground-breaking ceremony was held at Crissy Field 
 for the Golden Gate Bridge.
1945 - In the U.S., a nationwide midnight curfew
1952 - British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announced 
 that Britain had developed an atomic bomb.
1986 - Corazon Aquino was inaugurated president of the 
 Philippines. Long time President Ferdinand Marcos 
 went into exile.
1987 - The Tower Commission rebuked U.S. President Reagan for 
 failing to control his national security staff in the wake 
 of the Iran-Contra affair.
1987 - The U.S.S.R. conducted its first nuclear weapons test 
 after a 19-month moratorium period.
1991 - Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced on Baghdad Radio 
 that Iraqi troops were being withdrawn from Kuwait.
1993 - Six people were killed and more than a thousand injured 
 when a van exploded in the parking garage beneath the World 
 Trade Center in New York City. The bomb had been built by 
 Islamic extremists.
1998 - A Texas jury rejected an $11 million lawsuit by Texas 
 cattlemen who blamed Oprah Winfrey for price drop after 
 on-air comment about mad-cow disease.
1998 - In Oregon, a health panel rules that taxpayers must 
 help to pay for doctor-assisted suicides.
2009 - Former Serbian president Milan Milutinovic was acquitted 
 by the International Criminal Tribunal for the former 
 Yugoslavia regarding war crimes during the Kosovo War.
2009 - The Pentagon reveresed its 18-year policy of not 
 allowing media to cover returning war dead. The reversal 
 allowsd some media coverage with family approval.
2014  smiled.


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FLV Player 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, February 25.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an Arizona man, who tried a jail break to see his girlfriend Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1919 The state of Oregon became the first state to place a tax on gasoline. The tax was 1 cent per gallon. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Who is more busy than he who hath least to do? --- John Clarke Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real. --- Iris Murdoch (1919 - 1999)
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

Jackie and her husband were foster parents years ago. At one point they had a 4-year-old girl they were quite attached to. Jackie thought she had done a good job in teaching her manners, good behavior, etc. So when the 4-year-old said to her one day, "When I grow up, I want to be just like you!" Jackie's heart swelled with pride... until the 4-year-old finished her sentence... "so that I can reach the @#$% light switch by myself!"
When Amanda's son was 6, they were going to Amanda's mother's house where he was going to spend the night. He had been playing on Amanda's nerves the entire day and finally, right before they pulled into Amanda's mother's driveway, she put the standard "mother's curse" on him, saying, "When you grow up, I hope you have a child just like you." He looked at Amanda with big crocodile tears in his eyes and said, "Gee, Mommy, I thought you wanted me to be happy!"
Click on the picture for the large version Early Jasmin As you can see all the buds. This hedge has just begun to bloom. Its fragrance is fantastic ~~ Just sharing. Lillemor...
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Andrew Dekenipp, 40, Arizona man tried a jail break to see his girlfriend An Arizona jail inmate who escaped by climbing two walls and crawling through razor wire and was reportedly meeting his sweetheart on Valentine's Day is back in custody. The Pinal County Sheriff's office says in a release that inmate Joseph Andrew Dekenipp was arrested in the town of Coolidge, a few hours after he escaped Friday from the county detention center. The office says he would undergo treatment for serious cuts he got from the wire. The Arizona Republic reports that the 40-year-old Dekenipp was arrested without incident after he arrived at a saloon and grill where he was to meet his girlfriend. Dekenipp has been in jail since his arrest Jan. 10 on suspicion of vehicle theft, trafficking in stolen property, unlawful flight, and driving on a suspended license. Officials say he is now facing an escape charge. Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: FF player Dear Webby, Hope this finds you in good health and good cheer. I have another question for you dealing with a download. I was in a website that i have been visiting for years now,a radio station one and something happened that has never happened before. I got need to download a FLV player. Well that is a new one on me so i went searching and now i am more confused about it than when i started this search. Do i need to download a FLV player? I read where it stated on my search that it is needed to play videos from YouTube but i was on there to check out the story and it still works as normal...should i get the feeling my leg is getting pulled or what? I will await your response before i proceed with any downloading the FLV player? Thanks in advance. Randall Dear Randall FLV is an obsolete format, mostly because it is unsuitable for mobile devices. Adobe stopped making updates to it about four years ago. Just like there are still hard cover paper books around, there are still some Flash movies around, and there are still tons of flash players available on the Internet. Be careful, though! Many of them come with a nasty payload of malware, trojans and viruses. I would recommend that you get a player from a reputable company like REAL, that has been around for a long time. Here is a link to their download page: Real Player Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using Bleach to Clean Jacuzzi Jets I was surprised that folks do not realize that the "black stuff" in the Jacuzzi tub jets is black mold! There is no need to scrub. Simply fill the tub with water and then add a half gallon of household bleach. Turn on the pump and let it run for an hour. Turn off the pump and let the bleach water stand overnight. In the morning, put on a rubber glove and pull the plug to drain the tub. You must do this at least once per month. I have been using this method for thirteen years and my tub is fresh and clean. No black mold and no tub damage. By Julia Marie K. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A mountain woman went to the doctor and was told to go home and come back in a couple of days with a specimen. When she got home she asks her husband, "What is a specimen?" He replies," Heck if I know. Go next door and ask Edith. She's a nurse." The woman goes next door and comes back in about twenty minutes with her clothes all torn and with multiple cuts and bruises on her face and body. "What in the world happened?" asked her husband. "Damned if I know," she replies. "I asked Edith what a specimen was, and she told me to go piss in a bottle. I told her to go shit in her hat, and then all hell broke loose!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Regina My 20th high school class reunion was held at a hotel on the same night that another school's 10th-year reunion was taking place. While my girl friends and I were in the rest room talking, some unfamiliar women entered. After their stares became uncomfortable, we turned toward them. One of the women said, "Don't mind us. We just wanted to see how we'd look in another 10 years."
>From Rolly I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy, Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down. Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of re- placement parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Responses ranged from "Mas-a-what?" to "You've got to be kidding." One guy just laughed. I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I dialed Victor's Garage. "Vic," I said, "you're my last hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?" There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat. "Yes," he replied. "Oil."

» Polar Bear Luv:

Today in 
1570 England's Queen Elizabeth I was excommunicated by 
 Pope Pius V.
1836 Samuel Colt received a patent for a "revolving gun".
1901 The United States Steel Corp. was incorporated by J.P. 
 Morgan.
1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was 
 ratified. It authorized a graduated income tax.
1919 The state of Oregon became the first state to place 
 a tax on gasoline. The tax was 1 cent per gallon.
1933 The aircraft carrier Ranger was launched. It was the 
 first ship in the U.S. Navy to be designed and built from 
 the keel up as an aircraft carrier.
1948 Communists seized power in Czechoslovakia.
1972 Germany gave a $5 million ransom to Arab terrorist 
 who had hijacked a jumbo jet.
1986 Filippino President Ferdinand E. Marcos fled the Philippines 
 after 20 years of rule after a tainted election.
2005 Dennis Rader was arrested for the BTK serial killings in 
 Wichita, KS. He later pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 
 10 life terms in prison.

2014  smiled.


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What to do about 419 scams? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, February 24.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Philadelphia assclown who pretended to be an armed robber Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1956 The city of Cleveland invoked a 1931 law that barred people under the age of 18 from dancing in public without an adult guardian. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
No opera plot can be sensible, for people do not sing when they are feeling sensible. --- W. H. Auden (1907 - 1973) This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996)
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

Robert and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence test. Though both of them found the test a breeze, except that they admitted to being momentarily stumped by the final question: "Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant." "How did you answer that last one?" asked Robert. "I thought it was tough at first.... then I thought of Superintendent." "I think I got it right too," Pete said. "But I wrote down Horticulturist."
A frantic guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Buddy, please, can you loan me a hundred bucks? My wife had a terrible accident and I need to get her to the hospital." The stranger says, "If you so desperately need a hundred dollars, what are you doing in a casino?" The guy replies, "Oh, I've got gambling money."
Thanks to dad for this picture. This one bloomed today. Click on the picture for the large version Ripsalis Guenteri
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daron Stinson, 21, Philadelphia Assclown jailed for acting like an armed robber A Philadelphia man is jailed on a variety of felony charges after uploading Instagram videos showing him pointing what appeared to be a handgun at a series of terrified victims. According to investigators, Daron Stinson, 21, and an accomplice drove around filming themselves as they accosted pedestrians. Those clips were then uploaded to Stinson’s Instagram page (“funniestnphilly”), which portrays Stinson (seen above) as a prankster and wannabe comedian/actor. Tech Support Pits From: Linda Re: What to do about a scam? Dear Webby, My friend shared your today's message with me. Delightful. She also suggested you might be able to answer a question for me. This morning I received a spam message from "someone" purporting to be "An American Soldier" but really it was spam (i.e. discovered some money in Iraq and needed help, etc.). It made me angry. Is there anyone I can send this spam message to and they can stop it?? Thank you. Linda Dear Linda That's just a 419 scam, also called "Nigerian scam" or "Advance Fee scam", and it has been going around since the first Iraq war. Unless you are willing to travel to Nigeria and take the law into your own hands, about all you can do is send it to the US Secret Service. The Secret Service is not really doing anything about it, even though this scam costs Americans over 100 Million Dollars a year, but apparently they draw up neat charts showing how many more people fall for that same old scam each year. Just dump it and forget it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Dog Bone As a Foot Massager I saw the tip about exercising a bad back/leg/foot with a Pringles can and had to tell you my discovery. I had one of those leg problems and found that if I rolled a rubber nubby dog bone shaped toys under my foot, it not only relieved my leg pain but gave my foot a massage! They can be found in any pet dept and are inexpensive too! Source: My own discovery! By Terry R from Goodsprings Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
My 2 1/2-year-old niece, Kelly, went with a neighbor girl to a Catholic church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the "Host," in this case, a piece of bread, he says, "God be with you." Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelly took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice, "God will get you!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see his doctor. The doctor asked him all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when the veterinarian interrupted him, saying, "Hey look, I'm a vet - I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions. I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?" The doctor nodded, looked him up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to him and said, "There you are. Of course, if *that* doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."
Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders and get a better view of their wives working. This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ulti- mately led to television...and later to the remote control.

» Unbelievable Earth Facts

Today in 
1803 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled itself to be the final 
 interpreter of all constitutional issues.
1839 Mr. William S. Otis received a patent for the 
 steam shovel.
1863 Arizona was organized as a territory.
1903 In Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, an area was leased to the 
 U.S. for a naval base.
1925 A thermit was used for the first time. It was used 
 to break up a 250,000-ton ice jam that had clogged 
 the St. Lawrence River near Waddington, NY.
1938 The first nylon bristle toothbrush was made. It was 
 the first time that nylon yarn had been used commercially.
1942 The U.S. Government stopped shipments of all 12-gauge 
 shotguns for sporting use for the wartime effort.
1945 During World War II, the Philippine capital of Manilla, 
 was liberated by U.S. soldiers.
1956 The city of Cleveland invoked a 1931 law that barred 
 people under the age of 18 from dancing in public 
 without an adult guardian.
1987 An exploding supernova was discovered in the Large 
 Magellanic Cloud galaxy.
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned a $200,000 award to 
 Rev. Jerry Falwell that had been won against "Hustler" 
 magazine. The ruling expanded legal protections for 
 parody and satire.
1989 Iran’s Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini sentenced Salman 
 Rushdie to death for his novel "The Satanic Verses". 
 A bounty of one to three-million-dollars was also put 
 on Rushidie's head.
1989 A United Airlines 747 jet rips open in flight killing 
 9 people. The flight was from Honolulu to New Zealand.
1997 The U.S. The Food and Drug Administration named six 
 brands of birth control as safe and effective "morning-after" 
 pills for preventing pregnancy.
2008 Cuba's parliament named Raul Castro president. His 
 brother Fidel had ruled for nearly 50 years.
2014  smiled.


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Spam Epidemic 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, February 23.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to two Teenagers Charged In Slaying Of Jail Guard Amanda Baker Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200 feet over an oncoming train. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) The entire economy of the Western world is built on things that cause cancer. --- From the 1985 movie "Bliss"
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

A man bought several acres of wasteland and within a year, turned it into a thriving produce farm. The local pastor stopped by and complimented the man on his vast progress. Then he added, "Wondrous things can surely happen when man and God work together." "Amen," said the man, "but you should've seen the place when God was running it alone."
A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, "How does this boat float? The father replied, "Don't right know son." A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "How do fish breath underwater?" Once again the father replied, "Don't right know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?" Again, the father repied. "Don't right know son." Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?" The father repied, "Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dylan Cardeilhac, 15, Guy Eagle Elk, 16 Teenagers Charged In Slaying Of Jail Guard Amanda Baker Two teenagers are facing adult felony charges after a 24-year-old guard at a western Nebraska jail was strangled in a cell on Valentine's Day. Scotts Bluff County Attorney Doug Warner said Thursday in a news release that 16-year-old Guy Eagle Elk, of Lisco, has been charged as an adult with felony aiding and abetting assault. On Wednesday, 15-year-old Dylan Cardeilhac, of Torrington, Wyo., was charged as an adult with first-degree murder in the death of Amanda Baker. The two teens were being held in a juvenile section of the Scotts Bluff County Detention Center in Gering, just east of the Wyoming border, when Baker was attacked. Cardeilhac was being held on charges of armed robbery and use of a weapon in a Dec. 3 convenience store robbery in nearby Mitchell. He also was charged as an adult in that case, according to online court documents. Eagle Elk had been convicted as a juvenile of shoplifting, according to the Scottsbluff Star-Herald. Jail security video shows Cardeilhac talking Baker into checking something on his cell floor on Friday, then pouncing on the guard when she turned her back, according to an arrest affidavit. Authorities have said the video shows that Baker was strangled for more than 2 1/2 minutes. Baker, the mother of a 6-year-old boy, was taken to a local hospital, where she died. An arrest affidavit for Eagle Elk says investigators say he advised Cardeilhac to choke a jailer into submission after Cardeilhac told other inmates that he wanted to escape. The affidavit says Eagle Elk suggested Cardeilhac attack Baker, because she would be an easier target. The older teen then showed Cardeilhac through windows of door cells the best way to apply a choke hold, the affidavit says. Tech Support Pits From: Ruby Re: Spam Epidemic Dear Webby, Have you noticed that there is a real spam epidemic going on? 90% of my mail is spam, and it's driving me nuts! How does a company like yours deal with it? And why isn't anybody doing something about it? Ruby Dear Ruby No, I haven't noticed that. You see, I live a very simple and sheltered life. One of my shelters is MailWasher. I just see the 120 - 200 mails a day that I need to see and answer. I don't really give a hoot about how or which way Mailwasher dumps the other 4800 - 5000 spams every day, but I know that they are reported to the FireTrust spam database. The reason nobody in the US is doing anything against spam is because the spammers bought your Senate and financed the CAN SPAM act, and so they are nicely protected. US law protects the spammers and you get fined if you try to fight them. MailWasher also can be set to automatically report spam to SpamCop. SpamCop then informs the ISP about one of their clients spamming. If the ISP is a major spammer in Russia, that doesn't do much, but in a lot of cases the spammer is some clueless PC user with an infected machine, which is used by the Russian mega spammers. In those cases, the ISP can contact their client and tell them that they are cut off until they run a proper virus scan. Mamny ISPs react quite fast, because the spam and the bounces constipate their system. Unless you can rent more senators than the spammers have, all I can recommend is that you get MailWasher, and let it nuke the spam right on the server and not let it bother you. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hide Extra Key in Purse If you happen to accidently lock your keys in your car, just hide an extra key in your purse and use that one. Works every time! By cowgirldiva Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
New Yorkers are a breed apart. A man was mugged but had no cash. Afraid he'd be hurt, he offered to write the guy a check. The mugger said dumbfounded, "A check? Why would I take a check from you? I don't even know you!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do... (especially when you share the same major!) PSYCHOLOGY Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother. SOCIOLOGY Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship. ARCHAEOLOGY One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up. THEATRE "OH! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!" BIOLOGY "You just wanted to get in my genes!" PHYSICS Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down. JOURNALISM "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..." WOMEN'S STUDIES "HE did it!" BUSINESS Both decide that they're spending way too much money together, and that it's simply cheaper to be single. HISTORY Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past. GEOGRAPHY Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other. ANATOMY "I never liked your body anyway." ECONOMICS One party demands more than the other can supply.
Thanks to Rosie for this story: My teenager was headed to school one morning when I told him that the neck tag on his shirt was hanging out. "I know," he replied. "It's a fad me and some of the guys started." Weeks later, as the style persisted, I commented, "I can't stand it! Every time I see that, I want to fix it for you." I gently tucked the tag in place and rumpled his hair. "Yeah," he said smiling slyly. "All the girls do."

» How Wolves Change Rivers

Today in 
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots.
1660 Charles XI became the king of Sweden.
1813 The first U.S. raw cotton-to-cloth mill was founded 
 in Waltham, MA.
1820 The Cato Street conspiracy was uncovered.
1836 In San Antonio, TX, the siege of the Alamo began.
1847 Santa Anna was defeated at the Battle of Buena Vista 
 in Mexico by U.S. troops under Gen. Zachary.
1861 U.S. President-elect Abraham Lincoln arrived secretly 
 in Washington to take his office after an assassination 
 attempt in Baltimore.
1861 Texas became the 7th state to secede from the Union.
1870 The state of Mississippi was readmitted to the Union.
1883 Alabama became the first U.S. state to enact an 
 antitrust law.
1886 Charles M. Hall completed his invention of aluminum.
1887 The French/Italian Riviera was hit by an earthquake 
 that killed about 2,000.
1896 The Tootsie Roll was introduced by Leo Hirshfield.
1898 In France, Emile Zola was imprisoned for his letter, 
 "J'accuse," which accused the government of anti-Semitism 
 and wrongly jailing Alfred Dreyfus.
1900 The Battle of Hart's Hill took place in South Africa 
 between the Boers and the British army.
1904 The U.S. acquired control of the Panama Canal Zone 
 for $10 million.
1915 Nevada began enforcing convenient divorce law.
1919 The Fascist Party was formed in Italy by Benito Mussolini.
1927 The Federal Radio Commission began assigning frequencies, 
 hours of operation and power allocations for radio 
 broadcasters. 
1940 Russian troops conquered Lasi Island.
1940 Walt Disney's animated movie "Pinocchio" was released.
1945 The 28th Regiment of the Fifth Marine Division of the 
 U.S. Marines reached the top of Mount Surabachi. 
 A photograph of these Marines raising the American 
 flag was taken.
1954 The first mass vaccination of children against 
 polio began in Pittsburgh, PA.
1963 The 24th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was 
 ratified. It prohibited poll taxes in federal elections.
1966 The Bitar government in Syria was ended with a 
 military coup.
1970 Guyana became a republic.
1974 The Symbionese Liberation Army demanded $4 million 
 more for the release of Patty Hearst. Hearst had been 
 kidnapped on February 4th.
1980 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared that Iran's 
 new parliament would have to decide the fate of the 
 hostages taken on November 4, 1979, at the U.S. 
 embassy in Tehran.
1991 During the Persian Gulf War, ground forces crossed 
 the border of Saudi Arabia into the country of Iraq. 
 Less than four days later the war was over due to the 
 surrender or withdraw of Iraqi forces.
1993 Gary Coleman won a $1,280,000 lawsuit against 
 his parents.
1998 In central Florida, tornadoes killed 42 people and 
 damaged and/or destroyed about 2,600 homes and businesses.
1999 White supremacist John William King was found guilty 
 of kidnapping and murdering James Byrd Jr. Byrd was dragged 
 behind a truck for two miles on a country road in Texas.
2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200 
 feet over an oncoming train.
2014  smiled.


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Red X instead of pictures 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, February 22.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a Teacher jailed for messing with a 15 year old Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1997 Scottish scientist Ian Wilmut and colleagues announced that an adult sheep had been successfully cloned. Dolly was actually born on July 5, 1996. Dolly was the first mammal to have been successfully cloned from an adult cell. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger. --- Dan Rather (1931 - )
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

At the scale manufacturers' convention, people often wanted to weigh themselves on different scales to see if they agreed. However, some visitors abstained, not wishing to advertise their weight. A smooth-talking representative coaxed a woman onto his scale by promising her that he would not look and that she could even cover the digital display so only she could see her weight. She finally stood on the scale, whereupon a loud, robo-voice from within the machine announced: "One hundred and ninety seven pounds."
They say that a preacher's wife is always his number one assistant. An example of this comes one Sunday morning after the preacher had just finished his sermon. He went and sat down with his wife and she asked him how he thought the church service went. The Preacher shrugged and said, "The worship was excellent, and I think the prayer and communion times went quite well,but," he continued, "I just don't think the sermon ever got off the ground." The wife looked over at him, and before she could stop herself, she said, "Well, it sure did taxi long enough!"
Click on the picture for the large version Vermillion Cliffs from above and behind
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Mason, 30, Calgary, AB Teacher jailed for messing with 15 year old Jennifer Mason, a 30-year-old teacher at Our Lady of the Assumption Elementary School, has been jailed after she allegedly had sex with a 15-year-old student. According to Calgary Police, an investigation was launched last November after police received an anonymous tip regarding suspicious activity inside a vehicle that was parked in northwest Calgary. Officers arrived on the scene to find Mason involved in an inappropriate relationship with a 15-year-old student who attends the same Catholic school. A subsequent investigation revealed that Mason and the b oy had been involved in a sexual relationship from August until police caught them in November. The school conducted it's own investigation once the allegations came to light and has since suspended the teacher pending the outcome of the case. Mason was booked into jail and charged with sexual assault of a minor, sexual interference of a minor, sexual exploitation by a person in a position of trust and invitation to sexual touching. She was released after posting $5,000 bail. Tech Support Pits From: Dianne Re: Flags not showing Dear Webby, The flags on the flag counter are not showing, only a big red X. Please fix it! Dianne Dear Dianne The flag counter is in Europe, somewhere. There is nothing I can do to "fix it". If you don't see the flags, then there is a connectivity problem between them and you. It is probably just temporary and will get fixed soon. Friend Jorcha has a different problem. He uses Gmail and whenever Gmail chooses to use a banner that advertises stuff, that I write about, then they apparently censor ad pictures I have on that topic. Malwarebytes on the top right in the side menu is a good example. When that happens, just go to the online copy at http://webby.com/humor and you will see the uncensored version. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Placemats as Modern Furniture "Doilies" They used to put doilies at points of wear on chairs and sofas. For a modern take on that, I use tapestry placemats to put on the edges of an easy chair where the arms have gotten dirty and worn. (On another chair I use some pillow covers I found.) You can tuck these into the space between the chair and the cushion to anchor them, or even secure by spraying adhesive and gluing the mats down. It makes the chair covers wear that much longer, and are a colorful addition to your decor. By pam munro Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Mel There was a Scot, American, and a Iraqui in a plane on fire and about to crash. There were no parachutes and the only exit was to jump from 49,000 feet high. As the Scottish jumped he yelled, "God save me!" and landed safely in a haystack. When the American jumped he also yelled, "God save me!" and landed safely in another haystack. The Iraqui wasn't good at his English and when he jumped he yelled, "God shave me!", and went splat on the roof of a barber shop.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Judy goes to get her hair cut. The hairstylist cuts for about thirty minutes, hands Judy a mirror, and asks, "How do you like it?" Judy says, "It's nice, but could you make it just a little longer in the back?"
Lola is on the phone, "Hello? Pizza Shack? Do you have anything on special?" From the other end of the line comes, "Yeah, our veggie haters delight. It has twelve kinds of meat and five different cheeses. Lola asks, "Does anything come with that?" "A coupon for the gym."

» Best Pix out of Singapore

Today in 
1630 Quadequine introduced popcorn to English colonists 
 at their first Thanksgiving dinner.
1819 Spain ceded Florida to the United States.
1855 The U.S. Congress voted to appropriate $200,000 for 
 continuance of the work on the Washington Monument. The 
 next morning the resolution was tabled and it would be 
 21 years before the Congress would vote on funds again. 
 Work was continued by the Know-Nothing Party in charge 
 of the project.
1865 Tennessee adopted a new constitution that abolished 
 slavery.
1879 In Utica, NY, Frank W. Woolworth opened his first 
 5 and 10-cent store.
1885 The Washington Monument was officially dedicated 
 in Washington, DC. It opened to the public in 1889.
1920 The first dog race track to use an imitation rabbit 
 opened in Emeryville, CA.
1994 The U.S. Justice Department charged Aldrich Ames and 
 his wife with selling national secrets to the Soviet Union. 
 Ames was later convicted to life in prison. Ames' wife 
 received a 5-year prison term.
1997 Scottish scientist Ian Wilmut and colleagues announced 
 that an adult sheep had been successfully cloned. Dolly 
 was actually born on July 5, 1996. Dolly was the first 
 mammal to have been successfully cloned from an adult cell.
2014  smiled.


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What is a Codec? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, February 21.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!




Today's International Bonehead Award goes to Illinois Shoe-sterbator jailed Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called Ayatollah Khomeini's death warrant against "Satanic Verses" author Salman Rushdie "deeply offensive to the norms of civilized behavior." Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer? --- George Price
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

>From Tessa I overheard my father telling a family friend about my newly- assigned mission in the U.S. Coast Guard. I work on a cutter that escorts all cruise ships and international vessels under the bridges in California's Bay Area. But what my father told his friend was, "She's involved in some sort of escort service."
Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. "Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. "In back, there are 25 Marine enlistees. What would you do?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alexandra Westover, 21, West Boca, Floriduh Jailed After Shoesterbating The security director at an Illinois university allegedly ejaculated inside the shoe of a female coworker who told cops that she became suspicious after spotting him "buttoning his pants and fastening his belt" while leaving her office one recent evening. Timothy Margis, 39, was arrested last week and charged with public indecency and disorderly conduct in connection with the lewd act at Concordia University, according to a River Forest Police Department statement. The female employee told investigators that after Margis exited her office she discovered a “clear liquid” inside one of her shoes. Margis, seen above, reportedly copped to the February 10 workplace masturbation when questioned by cops. The woman told police that when she asked Margis why he had been in her office, he claimed to have been checking the space since it was left unlocked. Police noted that Margis and the victim were not involved in a relationship. Margis, free on $150 bail, has been fired from his job at Concordia, a Chicago-area school that describes itself as being “centered in the gospel of Jesus Christ.” Tech Support Pits From: Francis Re: What really are Codecs? Dear Webby, if I had a million years, I could probably read all the mostly contradictory information about what codecs are. What is the REAL story, in plain English? Thanks Francis Dear Francis Technically, a codec is a program that prepares video and/or musinc for transmission and then restores it for playback. There are a bunch of different codec programs, often including an enforced payment scheme. For example, if you buy music or movies online, it is usually encoded in some way, so that only YOU can enjoy it. They put a cookie onto your computer, that acts like a key and has the path to the codec (decryptor), that you paid for, There are also public codecs, that let Youtube or WMP play stuff, that is encrypted with that public codec. Some criminals claim that they can sell you a pack of codecs for certain games or porno movies. All it will cost you is your sould and control over your computer. Naturally they don't word it quite like that, but that is what their browser hijacker Trojan amounts to. Whenever you see "codec pack" or anything similar, get outa there FAST! You already do have all the codecs for all the legitimate stuff. Don't shop on the dark side with YOUR computer. Have FUN! DearWebby Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Microwave to Melt Bars of Soap I microwaved pieces of Dove and Lever together. Next time, I will not mix them, as the Dove melted faster and frothed up. By RhondaLouise Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A little boy returning home from his first day at the new school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, I knew all that, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A young executive was leaving the office one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is important and my assistant has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly", said the young man, flattered that the CEO had asked him for help. He turned the the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button. "Excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I need two copies of that."
>From Louise: ONE MORNING I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her. "I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!"

» Cars of The Future

Today in 
1804 The first self-propelled locomotive on rails was 
 demonstrated in Wales.
1842 John J. Greenough patented the sewing machine.
1848 The Communist Manifesto was published by Karl Marx 
 and Friedrich Engels.
1858 The first electric burglar alarm was installed in Boston, MA.
1878 The first telephone directories issued in the U.S. were 
 distributed to residents in New Haven, CT. It was a single page 
 of only fifty names.
1916 During World War I, the Battle of Verdun began in France. 
 The battle ended on December 18, 1916 with a French victory 
 over Germany.
1932 William N. Goodwin patented the camera exposure meter.
1947 Edwin Land demonstrated the Polaroid Land Camera to the 
 Optical Society of America in New York City. It was the 
 first camera to take, develop and print a picture on photo 
 paper all in about 60 seconds. The photos were black and white.
1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age 
 of 39 by assassins identified as Black Muslims.
1973 Israeli fighter planes shot down a Libyan Airlines 
 jet over the Sinai Desert. More than 100 people were killed.
1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called Ayatollah Khomeini's 
 death warrant against "Satanic Verses" author Salman Rushdie 
 "deeply offensive to the norms of civilized behavior."
1995 Chicago stockbroker Steve Fossett became the first person 
 to fly solo across the Pacific Ocean in a balloon. He landed 
 in Leader, Saskatchewan, Canada.
2014  smiled.


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Fake request for more codeces 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, February 20.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 21 year old Floriduh woman, who was jailed after making up rape story to avoid work Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1962 John Glenn made space history when he orbited the world three times in 4 hours, 55 minutes. He was the first American to orbit the Earth. He was aboard the Friendship 7 Mercury capsule. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. --- William H. Borah
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

Married for a night A man and a woman, who had never met before, but were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married." "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed." "Good," she replied. "Get your own damn blanket!" After a moment of silence, he farted, long and loud.
Jimmy is almost 29 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Jimmy just dates and dates. Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Jimmy replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole mother?" Many weeks go by and again Jimmy and his friend get together. "So, Jimmy, did you find the perfect girl yet? One that's just like your mother?" Jimmy shrugs his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like mom. My mother loved her, they quickly became friends." "Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not, my father can't stand her!"
Click on the picture for the large version We need more CO2!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alexandra Westover, 21, West Boca, Floriduh Jailed After Making Up Rape Story To Avoid Work Alexandra Westover, a 21-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly lied about being raped to get out of trouble for skipping work. According to Florida State Police, an investigation was launched Tuesday after Westover reported to police that she had been raped by a stranger who stopped to help her w hile she was having car trouble on the Florida Turnpike. Investigators say Westover told them that she was on her way to work Tuesday morning when her vehicle broke down between the Palm Beach Gardens and Jupiter exits. She went on to say that a Hispanic male stopped and offered to help her, however, when she opened the passenger side door of her vehicle, the man attacked her from behind. Westover then claimed the man tore open her panties and sexually assaulted her before fleeing the scene. After giving police a detailed description of the suspect, investigators spent more than 100 man-hours investigating the alleged assault. Investigators began to doubt the woman's story, however, when they reviewed video surveillance of the highway and were unable to find any indication that a vehicle had broken down on that particular stretch of highway. Their suspicions were confirmed further when Westover's father called police Thursday and reported that his daughter admitted to him that she made up the story. During a subsequent police interview, Westover admitted to making up the story. When asked why she falsely claimed to have been raped, Westover stated that she didn't want to get into trouble for not showing up for work at her great uncle's house that day. She was booked into Palm Beach County Jail and charged with false reporting of a crime and perjury not during official proceedings. She was released on Friday after posting bond. Tech Support Pits From: Woody Re: Codeces and tool bars Dear Webby; Hope all is well with your eyes! Another question for you This morning i was in a web site and i got this warning message that i Had to update my Codec Pack with a new version of it. Well reading down thru the information i seen that i had to download a different browser and toolbar and then it would download the codec pack. I did not update it but now the question is what does the codec pack do and do i need to go look for a update for it. I went to the program file and could not find the codec pack anywhere, so its above my head. Can you explain it in plain English? Thanks for your expertise in the field.... have a nice day Woody. Dear Woody Don't go back there! That is evil shit! Whenever some site tells you that you need a different browser, search engine and/or tool bar, codecs, etc. get outa there and NEVER go back! Some of those things are awfully difficult to get rid off. And you do NOT need any of that crap. They fall into the Browser Hijacker class of Malware. Those Browser Hijackers open a back-door into your computer and you lose control over what you can and can't do. Do you see that BIG button for Malwarebytes in the side menu? Most likely you would need Malwarebytes to get rid of that. Because those Browser Hijackers con people, who are less smart than you are, into AGREEING to sell their soul and access to their computer to the hijackers, normal Anti-Virus programs can't do anything. After all, YOU sold your soul and your computer, and YOU had invited and installed that crap. Malwarebytes gets rid of it anyway, but not instantly. It is an interactive process and you have to participate in the cleanup. If you do occasionally mess around on the dark side, get Malwarebytes in advance. It will block evil shit. Re Codeces, don't worry about them. Windows Media Player, Quicktime Music Player, YouTube, etc. have all the Codeces you need. If some site claims that to listen to the Russian Pussy Riot punk band, you would need extra codeces, get out of there fast. They are just trying to stampede you into all kinds of nonsense. If you want to listen to that punk band, search for it with Google. You won't need any extra codeces, just earplugs. Good Luck! DearWebby Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repairing a Burn Hole in Carpet My son burned a hole in our carpet. I took my vacuum and an old panty hose over the wand with a rubber band and then proceeded to vacuum the carpet. The fibers that collected in the panty hose were then placed in the hole that I had put super glue in to. Voila! The hole was fixed and no one could tell. By Sally from Buffalo, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an academic function, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'" The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."

» The Chalk Guy is Back:

Today in 
1673 The first recorded wine auction took place in London.
1792 U.S. President George Washington signed the Postal 
 Service Act thereby creating the U.S. Post Office.
1809 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal 
 government was greater than that of any individual state.
1839 The U.S. Congress prohibited dueling in the District of Columbia.
1872 Luther Crowell received a patent for a machine that 
 manufactured paper bags.
1872 Silas Noble and J.P. Cooley patented the toothpick 
 manufacturing machine.
1931 The U.S. Congress allowed California to build the 
 Oakland Bay Bridge.
1933 The U.S. House of Representatives completed congressional 
 action on the amendment to repeal Prohibition.
1944 "Big Week" began as U.S. bombers began raiding German 
 aircraft manufacturing centers during World War II.
1962 John Glenn made space history when he orbited the world 
 three times in 4 hours, 55 minutes. He was the first American 
 to orbit the Earth. He was aboard the Friendship 7 Mercury capsule.
1965 Ranger 8 crashed on the moon after sending back thousands 
 of pictures of its surface.
1987 A bomb exploded in a computer store in Salt Lake City, UT. 
 The blast was blamed on the Unabomber.
1993 Two ten-year-old boys were charged by police in Liverpool, 
 England, in the abduction and death of a toddler. The two boys 
 were later convicted and have been releasedafter a few years.
1998 American Tara Lipinski, at age 15, became the youngest 
 gold medalist in winter Olympics history when she won the 
 ladies' figure skating title at Nagano, Japan.
2001 FBI Agent Robert Phillip Hanssen was arrested and charged 
 with spying for the Russians for 15 years.
2002 In Reqa Al-Gharbiya, Egypt, a fire raced through a train 
 killing at least 370 people and injuring at least 65.
2003 In West Warwick, RI, 99 people were killed when fire 
 destroyed the nightclub The Station. The fire started with 
 sparks from a pyrotechnic display being used by Great White. 
 Ty Longley, guitarist for Great White, was one of the 
 victims in the fire.
2014  smiled.


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Humor: What is the difference between Open Office and Office Libre? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, February 19.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to A snow shoveler, who beaned a snowplow driver Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2008 Fidel Castro resigned the Cuban presidency. His brother Raul was named as his successor. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The point of living and of being an optimist, is to be foolish enough to believe the best is yet to come. --- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

"If you're going to work here young man, " said the boss, "the number two thing you must learn is that we are very keen on cleanliness in this firm." "Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?" "Oh, yes, sir." responded the young man. "And another thing the number one thing we are very keen on is truthfulness. There is no mat." said the boss.
A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum. "Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Douglas, Haskell, 40, Lakeville, MA Jailed for beaning snowplow driver with a snow shovel A Massachusetts man was arrested Saturday night for allegedly clobbering a plow driver in the head with a shovel in a “snow rage” attack, according to police. Douglas Haskell, 40, was charged with assault and battery with a deadly weapon following a violent confrontation with a neighbor in Lakeville, a town about 40 miles south of Boston. Investigators allege that Haskell, seen in the above mug shot, became angered when the plow driver pushed snow onto his side of a narrow street. After exchanging words with the male driver, Haskell allegedly hit the victim in the head and shoulder with a shovel. The plow driver suffered a cut above his left eye, but declined transport to a hospital when interviewed by Lakeville Police Department officers. Haskell was arraigned today on the felony count and released on his own recognizance. He is next due in Wareham District Court on March 27. Tech Support Pits From: Elena Re: What is the difference between Open Office and Office Libre? Dear Webby, What is the difference between Open Office and Office Libre? Elena Dear Elena I don't really see any significant difference. The main reason for the two different versions of what is more or less just Open Office, seems to be just to encourage competition between the groups of programmers. They both work fine, and are good and suitable FREE alternatives to Microsoft Office. To get any work done you need one of the three. What is important is not which one you choose, but that you choose ONE, and get good and comfortable with it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Heel of Shoe Linings from Wearing Out My sneakers often wear out in the lining, especially at the heel, before the rest of the shoe. So, I mend the inside of the back of the heels with either clear First Aid tape - or white First aid tape (which matches my white sneakers). If the padding has totally worn through at the heel, you can also replace the worn padded lining with a piece of molefoam and glue it or tape the edges. You may have to keep after the tape, as it slips after a while, but it makes your sneakers wearable and comfortable, so you can get your full use out of them. By pam munro Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Philosophy of Love... If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But... If it just sits in your living room, watches your TV, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you a ctually set it free in the first place, then you either married it or gave birth to it!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A husband asks his wife, "If I should die first would you marry again?" "I would be heart-broken, of course," was her reply, "but I think eventually I would remarry." "But you wouldn't bring him here to our house?" "Why not? I've worked and slaved to make this house a home. There is no reason to abandon it." "But you wouldn't sleep in our bed?" "Well, I wouldn't run out and buy a new bed right away." "Surely, you wouldn't let him use my golf clubs?" "Of course not! He's lefthanded!"
"Do you love me with all your heart and soul?" asked Becky. "Mmm hmm." replied Dave. "Do you think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world?" "Mmm hmm." "Do you think my lips are like rose petals?" "Mmm hmm." "Oh Dave," gushed Becky, "you say the most beautiful things!"

» Wild Flowers

Today in 
1846 The formal transfer of government between Texas and the 
 nited States took place. Texas had officially become a state 
 on December 29, 1845.
1856 The tintype camera was patented by Professor Hamilton 
 L. Smith.
1878 Thomas Alva Edison patented a music player (the phonograph).
1881 Kansas became the first state to prohibit all alcohol
1942 U.S. President Roosevelt signed an executive order 
 giving the military the authority to relocate and intern 
 Japanese-Americans.
1942 Approximately 150 Japanese warplanes attacked the 
 Australian city of Darwin.
1945 During World War II, about 30,000 U.S. Marines landed 
 on Iwo Jima.
1959 Cyprus was granted its independence
1963 The Soviet Union informed U.S. President Kennedy it would 
 withdraw "several thousand" of its troops from Cuba.
1981 The U.S. State Department called El Savador a 
 "textbook case" of a Communist plot.
1981 Ford Motor Company announced its loss of $1.5 billion.
1985 Mickey Mouse was welcomed to China as part of the 30th 
 anniversary of Disneyland. The touring mouse played 30 
 cities in 30 days.
1985 Cherry Coke was introduced by the Coca-Cola Company.
1986 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty outlawing genocide. 
 The pact had been submitted 37 years earlier for 
 ratification.
1986 The Soviet Union launched the Mir space station.
1997 Deng Xiaoping of China died at the age of 92. He was 
 the last of China's major revolutionaries.
2002 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began using its thermal 
 emission imaging system to map Mars.
2004 Former Enron Corp. chief executive Jeffrey Skilling was 
 charged with fraud, insider trading and other crimes in 
 connection with the energy trader's collapse. Skilling was 
 later convicted and sentenced to more than 24 years in 
 prison.
2008 Fidel Castro resigned the Cuban presidency. His brother 
 Raul was named as his successor.

2014  smiled.


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FireFox becoming fragile 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, February 18.


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to An Ohio Woman, who assaulted supermarket worker with pair of filets. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2001 NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt, Sr., died in a crash during the Daytona 500 race. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
For aught that I could ever read, could ever hear by tale or history, the course of true love never did run smooth. --- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet. --- Mae West
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

>from Daniel An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy. One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” The husband texted back to her: "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
My new girlfriend, Karen, got a job at a local hardware store. "The owner doesn't want us hanging out with our friends," she said. "If you stop by, tell them you're my brother." On my first visit, I walked to the customer service desk and asked the older woman there, "Is Karen around"? When she looked at me quizzically, I added, "I'm her brother." She smiled, "What a nice surprise. I am so pleased to meet you! I'm Karen's mother."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Lillemor's Christmas Cactus0 2 17 2014
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Frances Slyman, 44, Brunswick, Ohio Ohio Woman Assaulted Supermarket Worker With Pair Of "Special Cut Filets" Frances Slyman. The 44-year-old was arrested for assault after allegedly striking an Ohio supermarket employee with a pair of “special cut filets,” police report. While shopping with her family at the Giant Eagle store in Brunswick, a city 25 miles south of Cleveland, Slyman “went to the meat counter to retrieve some special cut filets,” according to a police report. “At some point,” cops noted, “Slyman threw 2 of the filets” at Alzbeta Barath, a 64-year-old woman working the meat counter. The filets went flying “over an alleged comment she climed Barath supposedly had made earlier toward Slyman’s husband,” according to investigators. The derogatory comment--which Barath denied making-- purportedly involved the weight of Slyman. A witness told cops that she did not hear Barath say anything to the Slymans to prompt the filet assault. The flung filets struck Barath in the eye and shoulder, though she declined medical treatment for the meat attack. But Barath did opt to press charges against Slyman, who was arrested for misdemeanor assault. She was booked into the local jail and later released. Quite possibly the comments sounding like "Ten Ton Porker" were by somebody different and not concerning her. It is unclear if the “special cut filets” were placed in the police evidence locker following the February 8 incident, or whether somebody "destroyed the evidence". Tech Support Pits From: Angela Re: Is it W7 or FireFox Dear Webby, Is it W7 or FireFox? I used to be able to have two dozen tabs open for later perusal, and there was no problem whatsoever. Then gradually, over the last year, that did become a problem. Firefox slowed down more and more and only a reboot would speed it up to normal. Is W7 sabotaging it? How do I get around that problem? Angela Dear Angela I have no proof that, with each Windows Update, Firefox becomes a bit slower and more fragile. Like you, I found that it APPEARS that way. Naturally, nobody will admit to nothing. Instead of rebooting you can hit CTRL SHIFT ESC to bring up the Task Manager. Click on Processes Usually, by that time Firefox will be at the top. Highlight it, and hit ALT E to end it. Hit ENTER to OK. FireFox will close as if with a light switch. Start it up again. You will get a screen asking you, if you want to restore. On that screen you see all the tabs, that you had open. That gives you a chance to take the checkmarks off duplicates and no longer needed tabs. After weeding it out a bit, hit OK. Firefox will open at normal speed after that. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dryer Sheets For Garbage Odor I put a scented fabric softener sheet under every trash bag and inside of the bag, too, for the trashcans in my house. It seems to really help not only the trashcans by absorbing odors but seems to freshen the air in the room too! By julrobs from North Augusta, SC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The 7 Ages of Marriage 1ST YEAR: The husband says, "Oh, sweetie pie, I'm really worried about those nasty sniffles you have! There's no telling what that could turn into with all the strep that's been going around. I'm going to take you right down to the hospital and have you admitted for a couple days of rest. I know the food is lousy there, so I'm going to bring you some takeout from Tosini's. I've already arranged it with the head nurse." 2ND YEAR: "Listen, honey, I don't like the sound of that cough. I called the doc and he's going to stop by here and take a look at you. Why don't you just go on to bed and get the rest you need?" 3RD YEAR: "Maybe you better go lie down, darling. When you feel lousy you need the rest. I'll bring you something-- do we have any canned soup around here?" 4TH YEAR: "No sense wearing yourself out when you're under the weath! er. When you finish those dishes and the kids' baths and get them to bed, you ought to go to bed yourself!" 5TH YEAR: "Why don't you take a couple aspirin?" 6TH YEAR: "You oughta go gargle or something, instead of sitting around barking like a dog!" 7TH YEAR: "For Pete's sake, stop sneezing. Are you trying to give me pneumonia? You'd better pick up some tissues while you're at the store."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

>From Hilla As the owner of an old clunker, I was used to dealing with a variety of car breakdowns. One day at the supermarket, just after I had filled my trunk with groceries, I noticed a stream of fluid pouring out of the bottom of the car. I knew I had to get home before the car was once again out of action. When I arrived I asked my husband to take a look at the pro- blem. Expecting the worst, I braced myself for his diagnosis. When he came back in, he was smiling. "It's apple juice," he said.
A gent from Chicago was on a fishing vacation up north in the Wisconsin woods. He was out fishing on a lake in a small boat and not having much luck. He noticed a man in another small boat that was close by, open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious the man rowed over and enquired, "What is the mirror for?" "That's my secret way to catch fish," replied the other man. "I Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim up to the surface. Then I just reach down, net them and pull them into the boat." "Wow! Does that really work?" exclaimed the guy from Chicago "You bet it does." was the response. "Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I'll give you $50 for it." offered the big city gent. "Well, okay." said the country guy. After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, "By the way, how many did you catch this week?" The country local, grinned and said, "You're the sixth."

» Critters & More

Today in 
1564 The artist Michelanglelo died in Rome.
1685 Robert Cavelier, Sieur de LaSalle established 
 Fort St. Louis at Matagorda Bay, and thus formed the 
 basis for France's claim to Texas.
1841 The first continuous filibuster in the U.S. Senate began. 
 It lasted until March 11th.
1885 Mark Twain's "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" was published 
 in the U.S. for the first time.
1913 The famous French painting "Nude Descending a Staircase", 
 by the French artist, Marcel Duchamp, was displayed at an 
 "Armory Show" in New York City.
1930 Elm Farm Ollie became the first cow to fly in an airplane.
1930 The planet Pluto was discovered by Clyde Tombaugh. The 
 discovery was made as a result of photographs taken in 
 January 1930.
1952 Greece and Turkey became members of NATO.
1972 The California Supreme Court struck down the state's 
 death penalty.
1998 In Russia, money shortages resulted in the shutting 
 down of three plants that produced nuclear weapons.
2001 NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt, Sr., was killed in a 
 crash during the Daytona 500 race.
2003 In South Korea, at least 120 people were killed when 
 a man lit a fire on a subway train.
2014  smiled.


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Is there a W7 - Firefox conflict? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, February 17.



Today's International Bonehead Award goes to 47 yr old teacher jailed for having sex with 13-Year-Old Relative Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1947 - The Voice of America began broadcasting to the Soviet Union. "Voice of America" was a series of very strong broadcasting stations all along the Iron Curtain. You could, of course, hear it all over Europe too. A lot of propaganda, which I forgot, but also Great music! Only Radio Luxembourg was stronger and had even newer music. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When you come to a fork in the road, take it. --- Yogi Berra (1925 - )
Who owns that unidentified phone number? Look up all the details quickly and easily with Reverse Lookup. Extremely low annual fee for unlimited use.

A man is struck by a bus on a busy New York City street. He lies on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest. Somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd, but there's no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. "A priest, please," the injured man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a wrinkled and wizened Jewish man of advanced years. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic. But for 50 years now I've lived behind St. Mary's Catholic Church on Third Avenue, and every night I've listened to the Catholic rites. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man." The policeman agrees and brings the old man over to where the man lies. The old man kneels down on the sidewalk, leans over the injured victim and intones in a solemn voice: "Under the B - 4. Under the I - 19. Under the N - 38. Under the G - 54. Under the O - 72." BINGO!
A park ranger in the Everglades was making his rounds a couple of summers ago when a woman came bolting out of the weeds right in front of his truck. She seemed frantic and he finally got her calm enough to say that her five- year-old son was sitting on the back of an alligator. Now the ranger was frantic. Running in the direction she was pointing he found the lad astride a twelve foot male alligator which was trying to relieve itself of its load by twisting and snapping. As the brave ranger moved in he tried to console the mother by saying, "I think I can grab the boy and move away before the gator moves. Be ready to grab your son. I may have to shoot the gator." To which the lady replies "Good Heavens, no! Don't shoot him. I just wanted you to make him hold still for a minute, so I can take my son's picture on his back."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christine Mazzarella, 47, Tucson, AZ 47 yr old teacher jailed for having sex with 13-Year-Old Relative Christine Mazzarella, a 47-year-old special education teacher at Lineweaver Elementary School, was jailed Wednesday after she allegedly had sex with a 13 year old relative. According to Tucson Police, an investigation was launched earlier this month when the department's child sex crime unit received a tip alleging that Mazzarella was having a sexual relationship with an underage relative. Investigators say Mazzarella had sex with the boy on numerous occasions in July 2013. There is no indication, however, that she engaged in sexual misconduct at Lineweaver Elementary. Mazzarella was booked into the Pima County Jail and charged with four counts of sexual conduct with a minor. Tech Support Pits From: Angela Re: Is it W7 or FireFox Dear Webby, Is it W7 or FireFox? I used to be able to have two dozen tabs open for later perusal, and there was no problem whatsoever. Then gradually, over the last year, that did become a problem. Firefox slowed down more and more and only a reboot would speed it up to normal. Is W7 sabotaging it? How do I get around that problem? Angela Dear Angela I have no proof that, with each Windows Update, Firefox becomes a bit slower and more fragile. Like you, I found that it APPEARS that way. Naturally, nobody will admit to nothing. Instead of rebooting you can hit CTRL SHIFT ESC to bring up the Task Manager. Click on Processes Usually, by that time Firefox will be at the top. Highlight it, and hit ALT E to end it. Hit ENTER to OK. FireFox will close as if with a light switch. Start it up again. You will get a screen asking you, if you want to restore. On that screen you see all the tabs, that you had open. That gives you a chance to take the checkmarks off duplicates and no longer needed tabs. After weeding it out a bit, hit OK. Firefox will open at normal speed after that. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Garlic and Onion Odors from Hands To get the garlic smell off your hands just rub them against your stainless steel sink. It takes the smell right away! By skiven from MN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>Lena One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department. "We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough." "How do you know that?" I asked. "Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" she said. Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "'Is this a question?' - Discuss." After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The student received an "A" on the exam.
As a ski instructor, I sometimes tease my little pupils. Once I told seven year old Luke that if my skis were faster than his, it was because I'd waxed them with butter. The next morning his grandmother came to class with him. She took me aside and said, "We had no butter left for breakfast. Luke had spread it all over his skis, claiming that it was the proper way to wax them. I think you should tell the children that instead of listening to nonsense from idiots, they should only take advice from their teacher."

» Tools and Hardware

Today in 
1817 - The first gaslit streetlights appeared on the streets 
 of Baltimore, MD.
1865 - Columbia, SC, burned. The Confederates were evacuating 
 and the Union Forces were moving in.
1876 - Julius Wolff was credited with being the first to can
 sardines.
1878 - In San Francisco, CA, the first large city telephone 
 exchange opened. It had only 18 phones.
1933 - Blondie Boopadoop married Dagwood Bumstead three years 
 after Chic Young’s popular strip first debuted.
1944 - During World War II, the Battle of Eniwetok Atoll began. 
 U.S. forces won the battle on February 22, 1944.
1947 - The Voice of America began broadcasting to the 
 Soviet Union.
1992 - In Milwaukee, serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was 
 sentenced to life in prison. In November of 1994, he was 
 beaten to death in prison.
2014  smiled.


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Screen Savers 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, February 16.



Today's International Bonehead Award goes to a 24 yr old Washington teacher jailed after having sex with three of her students Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2002 The operator of a crematory in Noble, GA, was arrested after dozens of corpses were found stacked in storage sheds and scattered around in the surrounding woods. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
If you are traveling or have a dynamic IP address, or occasionally send from McDonalds or a coffee shop, then you need SMTP2go for reliable and uncensored email SENDING. AND, Most ISPs demand that you use THEIR name after the @, instead of your chosen domain name. With SMTP2go you can use YOUR domain name, even if you travel or are at a Hotspot downtown. Send email from anywhere without ANY hassle with SMTP2go.

>From Brent I came home one night and my wife was crying. I said, "whats wrong?" She said, "I'm home sick." I said, "But, this IS your home." "Yes," she replied, "and I'm sick of it!"
Bob and his wife Judy live in Wisconsin. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say: "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so that the snowplow can get through" Judy goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says: "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so that the snowplow can get through." Judy goes out and moves her car again. The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says: "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park........... ," then the electric power goes out. Judy is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I just don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice, which all men, who are married to beautiful women, exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
Click on the picture for the large version Green lovebird
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Meredith Claire Powell, 24, Sequim, Washington 24 yr old teacher jailed after haveing sex with three students Meredith Claire Powell, a 24-year-old math teacher at Lincoln High School, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly had sex with two students and engaged in sexually explicit chat with a third student. According to court documents, Powell told detectives that she performed oral sex on a 15-year-old student in her Tacoma classroom after sending him nude photographs of herself using the application 'Snapchat.' Investigators say Powell also admitted to exchanging inappropriate text messages with a 16-year-old student before engaging in sexual activity with him during a January 17 school assembly. An arrest affidavit explained that Powell used the assembly as an opportunity to be alone with the student inside her classroom. A third student, who attended her class last year, told investigators that he and Powell exchanged sexually explicit text messages but did not engage in sexual contact. An investigation was launched on February 4 after school administrators learned of the alleged sexual activity and contacted police. The investigation kicked into high gear after investigators were provided a letter that Powell had written to a boy's girlfriend apologizing for her "promiscuous" and "unprofessional" comments and text messages. Powell was booked into the Pierce County Jail and charged with two counts of third-degree child rape and communication with a minor for immoral purposes via electronic communication. She was released without bail Friday night. --------------- This does not say much for the male teachers in Tacoma! Tech Support Pits From: Trish Re: Screen Saver Dear Webby, Hi Webby It occurred to me that I don't have a 'screen saver' on. I don't know if it's best to have it on or not to, I'm sure some other readers would be interested to know. I tried some, but after half an hour or so the screen went black as it usually is when I leave my computer on. Is this the 'power saving thing happening' or what, I really am not sure why one should have a 'screen saver', does it 'save the screen' or what, "please explain". Think I read once that they just take up space on the computer. Not talking about the desktop picture, just screen saver and why if you put one on if the thing goes black after a short while anyway. Thanks if you can answer this. Regards to you and yours, Trish Dear Trish Once upon the time, long long ago, the monitors were eight to ten inch wide, and "greenie" two color vacuum tube displays. The screen was coated on the inside with phosphors, that glowed when hit by an electron beam. Beam = whitish glow, no beam = dark green. We were qite pleases when we got two types of brightness, and could do Bold! The problem with those "greenies" was that the phosphors gpt burned into the glass, if a screen was left on too long. I remember coming onto office floors to pick up dead machines after regular working hours, when the lights were dimmed, and seeing hundreds of monitors with the DW3 or DW4 (IBM DisplayWrite) menu brightly visible, The computers and monitors were all turned off, it was just the menu burned into the screen. So I wrote the ladies some really simple screen savers, basically just their name jumping from one line to another and slowly clearing the entire screen. No big deal at all. Naturally, I got yelled at for that, and some higher up went through channels and bought a "proper" screensaver from IBM for a huge chunk of money. Now you know PART 1 of the history of screen savers. PART 2 came in when the need arose to protect sensitive data, like where a lady was on Solitaire, when she had to go to the powder room or the coffee room. Then screensavers were set to require a password to go away. With modern LCD monitors PART 1 is obsolete. PART 2, protecting senditive data is more critical than ever. They would not want their co-workers to take cellphone snapshots of their Farmville and Mafia Wars screens, while they are momentarily away. Even though there is no physical need for screen savers any more, they are by no means obsolete. You CAN set your power saving options to turn off the screen after so many minutes, like you got it by factory default. That too protects your sensitive Mafia Wars data, but is generally considered less fashional than some snazzy screensaver. To save electricity it is definitely a good idea to go through your power options and set them in a way, that make sense for you. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Plastic Container for Dryer Lint After finishing up my Folgers Decaf instant coffee, I looked at the container and thought it would be perfect for holding dryer lint. I gave it a try and found that it works great. It takes up just a little space and the flip top lid is so convenient. I leave the lid open until all the laundry is done. Then I snap it shut. When it gets full, which is taking weeks, I'll empty it into the trash or save the lint for the birds to use in their nests this spring. By Litter Gitter Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
This is an ancient classic: AMERICAN JOURNALISM Dan Rather, Peter Jennings, Cokie Roberts, and a tough old U.S. Marine Sergeant were all captured by terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded. Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan; so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content." Peter Jennings said, "I am Canadian, so I'd like to hear the song "O Canada" one last time." The leader nodded to a terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag Musicians and played the anthem. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die peacefully. Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts dictated some comments. She then said,"Now I can die happy." The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the ass," said the Marine. "What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour? "F'n Rights! I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his fatigues, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine and sprayed the Iraqis with gunfire. In a flash, all the Iraqis were either dead or fleeing for their lives. As the Marine was untying Rather, Jennings, and Roberts, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?" "What!" replied the Marine, "And have you three assholes report that I carried out an unprovoked attack against poor, innocent locals?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Back in the days when Roman galleys plied the Mediterranean, a crew of oarsmen was sweating and straining to propel the ship through high seas when the first mate appeared. "I've got good news and bad news," he says. "The good news is we've spotted an island, so the plan is to stop, drink rum, hunt a couple of wild boars, have a feast and relax with the native girls." The sailors all cheer in happiness, all but one, who asks, "And what is the bad news?" "Well," the first mate replies, "tomorrow, the captain wants to go water skiing."
Consider the Kansas farm couple who are sleeping early one morning when a tornado roars over their farmhouse. It lifts the roof off, picks up the bed the farmer and his wife are sleeping in, and sets them down gently in the next county. The wife begins to cry. "Don't be scared, dear," her husband says. "We're not hurt." The woman continues to cry. "I'm not scared," she says between sobs. "I'm crying because I'm happy. This is the first time in 24 years we've been out together."

» Workshop Tools

Today in 
1741 Benjamin Franklin published America’s second magazine, 
"The General Magazine and Historical Chronicle".
1804 A raid was led by Lt. Stephen Decatur to burn the 
 U.S. Navy frigate Philadelphia. The ship had been taken 
 by pirates.
1857 The National Deaf Mute College was incorporated in 
 Washington, DC. It was the first school in the world for 
 advanced education of the deaf. The school was later 
 renamed Gallaudet College.
1862 During the U.S. Civil War, about 14,000 Confederate 
 soldiers surrendered to Gen. Ulysses S. Grant at 
 Fort Donelson, TN.
1868 The Jolly Corks organization, in New York City, 
 changed it name to the Benevolent and Protective Order 
 of Elks (BPOE).
1918 Lithuania proclaimed its independence.
1923 Howard Carter unsealed the burial chamber of Egyptian 
 Pharaoh Tutankhamen. The next day he entered the chamber 
 with several invited guests. He had originally found the 
 tomb on November 4, 1922.
1932 The first fruit tree patent was issued to James E. 
 Markham for a peach tree which ripens later than other 
 varieties.
1937 Wallace H. Carothers received a patent for nylon. 
 Carothers was a research chemist for Du Pont.
1938 The U.S. Federal Crop Insurance program was authorized.
1945 During World War II, U.S. troops landed on the island 
 of Corregidor in the Philippines.
1946 The first commercially designed US helicopter was tested 
 in Connecticut.
1959 Fidel Castro seized power in Cuba after the overthrow 
 of President Fulgencio Batista.
1960 The U.S.S. Triton began the first circumnavigation of 
 the globe under water. The trip ended on May 10.
1968 In the U.S., the first 911 emergency telephone system 
 was inaugurated in Haleyville, AL.
1970 Joe Frazier began his reign as the heavyweight world 
 champion when he knocked out Jimmy Ellis in five rounds. 
 He lost the title on January 22, 1973, when he lost for the 
 first time in his professional career to George Foreman.
1987 John Demjanjuk went on trial in Jerusalem. He was 
 accused of being "Ivan the Terrible", a guard at the 
 Treblinka concentration camp. He was convicted, but the 
 Israeli Supreme Court overturned the ruling.
1989 Investigators in Lockerbie, Scotland, announced that 
 a bomb hidden inside a radio-cassette player was the reason 
 that Pan Am Flight 103 was brought down the previous December. 
 All 259 people aboard and 11 on the ground were killed.
1999 Kurds seized embassies and held hostages across Europe 
 following Turkey's arrest of Kurdish rebel leader 
 Abdullah Ocalan.
2002 The operator of a crematory in Noble, GA, was arrested 
 after dozens of corpses were found stacked in storage sheds 
 and scattered around in the surrounding woods.
2005 The Kyoto global warming pact went into effect in 140 
 nations.
2005 The NHL announced the cancellation of the 2004-2005 
 season due to a labor dispute. It was the first time a major 
 sports league in North America lost an entire season to a 
 labor dispute.
2014  smiled.


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Upside Down Video 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, February 15.

How many times did you see me get hostile and irate about
"compressed air"?
Five hundred times?
Or are you just new around here?

A very good longtime friend in California, whom I even 
visited during one of the Cactus Safaris, told me last 
night, that her step son had been found, 
dead from huffing,
in a pile of empty "compressed air" cans.

If you see those "Compressed Air" cans, no matter
what name is on them, trash them!

Do you want to see YOUR kids or grandkids snorting carpet,
flat on the floor, from supposedly safe "Compressed Air"?

Anybody with the IQ of a stepped on dung beetle can
understand, that it is very stooopid to use compressed
gas of any kind to blow dirt from hard to get at places 
towards harder to get at places. DUHH!!!

The whole BS that those "Compressed Air" cans supposedly 
are for "cleaning" anything is like saying shooting up 
heroin is just for needlecraft practise.
Bull Sheeet !

Whenever a moron is seen buying a big bag of "Compressed Air"
cans, by any name, he is not going to go door to door 
blowing dust off unused pussies. Somebody is going to be
huffing, and quite possibly dying on the floor.

Small vacuums for cleaning keyboards or the innards of 
computers, are $2.50 - $50.

Dirt Devil and Black & Decker make VERY good rechargeable
bagless vaccuums for $30, Yes, rechargeable, and bagless!
Professional quality for continuous use!
They have a cyclone inside that spins the air and separates
out any dirt or lost widdle screws. 

There are cheap store brand battery powered vacuums for 
sale for $2.50 and up. 
Check your Dollar store.

Even a regular household vacuum works fine.
In the 80's, when I was a mobile computer tech, I was 
sprinting around with a portable DirtDevil, that looked
like a bagpipe, had to be plugged in and made a racket 
like a jet, but it has cleaned a few thousand keyboards
and computers and monitors. Aside from tripping the odd
cutie with it's hose, it didn't put anybody on the floor.

If you see those "Compressed Air" cans, by ANY name,
don't accept any of the LIES and excuses. Trash them!
You might be saving a family member.

DearWebby


Today's International Bonehead Award goes to An Arizona woman who went on a rampage, when she could not get laid Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2002 U.S. President George W. Bush approved Nevada's Yucca Mountain as a site for long-term disposal of radioactive nuclear waste. He got back-stabbed on that by Harry Reid and Obama, and the project got murdered. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) All marriages are happy - it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. --- Socratex
If you are traveling or have a dynamic IP address, or occasionally send from McDonalds or a coffee shop, then you need SMTP2go for reliable and uncensored email SENDING. AND, Most ISPs demand that you use THEIR name after the @, instead of your chosen domain name. With SMTP2go you can use YOUR domain name, even if you travel or are at a Hotspot downtown. Send email from anywhere without ANY hassle with SMTP2go.

Jennifer had applied for a job and when she returned home, her mother asked how the interview went. "Pretty good, I think," replied Jennifer, "but if I go to work there I won't get a vacation until I'm married." Her mother, of course, had never heard of such a thing. "Is that what they told you?" "No",replied Jennifer, "but right on the application it said 'vacation time may notbe taken until you've had your First Anniversary.'"
For a holiday, an Irishman decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin. "We're saved!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!" "Sure," said the Irishman. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this: Click on the picture for the large version Outside our breakfast nook/baywindow .Some of the lillys are still down, after a short but heavy rain. The hedge is Jasmin.Not due to bloom yet. The taller Camelia on the left ,is outside the kitchen sink window. The mess on the ground by the table , to the right, are some of the trimmings from the potted plants on the table. Thought I'd share. ~~ Lillemor
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ashley Marie Prenovost, 24, Glendale, AZ An Arizona woman who went on a rampage, when she could not get laid An Arizona woman went on a naked rampage early Monday after her live-in boyfriend refused to have sex with her, police report. Ashley Marie Prenovost, 24, was already intoxicated when her beau returned to the Glendale residence the couple shares with their four-month-old daughter. Prenovost, according to a court filing, “wanted to have sex with him and got naked.” When her boyfriend declined to have sex, Prenovost became enraged, according to police. She allegedly punched two holes in a bedroom wall, and “punched a picture hanging on the wall in the hallway, causing glass to break and causing injuries to both of suspect’s hands.” As Prenovost ran around inside the home, “she bled all over the floor in the master bedroom, hallway, common area by the front door and kitchen.” When cops arrived at the residence, a naked Prenovost attempted to flee through the garage. Pictured in the above mug shot, Prenovost was arrested on a variety of charges, including assault, disorderly conduct, and criminal damage. She was also hit with several child abuse counts since, during her tirade, she raced around the home with her baby in her arms. At one point, the child’s head struck a bedroom dresser. Prenovost was freed from custody yesterday. She is scheduled for a February 24 court appearance. Tech Support Pits From: Renae Re: Upside Down Video Dear Webby, I'm new to your ezine but I want to let you know that I am enjoying it very much. Now I have a question for you. About a week ago my mother called and said her computer was upside down. I sent my husband over and he found the desktop was upside down. The wallpaper was upside down and the icons were upside down and in the bottom right corner. He didn't know what to do for it so he solved the problem by picking up the monitor and turning it over making everything appear right-side-up. Any suggestions how to solve this problem? Renae Dear Renae In the old days of Windows 3 and before, there used to be a lot of TSR prank programs that we used to put on coworkers machines. With those you could set a trigger key, for example SHIFT Q. Nothing happened until the user hit SHIFT Q during their normal typing. When they did, then three seconds later the video flipped upside down. Other TSR's flippd the screen sideways, some had letters dropping out of the text and accumulating in a pile at the bottom of the screen, and one even had a cute little gopher popping at random spots out of the page. However, those harmless fun days are gone and I have not seen any of those TSRs for ten years or more. Your mother can try opening a new text document and then hitting every key on the keyboard one after the other, to see if one of them toggles the video back to normal, just to rule out that possibility. Within Windows XP, certain video drivers or graphics card chipsets supporting 180 degree screen rotation can cause the Windows XP display to be presented upside down. This can be (but is not always) tied to lowering the screen resolution in some accessibility programs. To revert to a right-side up display, hold down the CTRL, ALT and UP (arrow) keys. lp, increase the screen resolution. From what I read, this problem is very rare and only occurs in the coarse resolutions. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pineapple Bran Muffins Ingredients 1/2 cup sugar 1/3 cup shortening 1/3 cup honey 2 large eggs 1 1/3 cup shreds of wheat bran cereal 1 cup milk 1 can crushed pineapple, well drained 1 1/2 cup flour 1 1/2 tsp. baking soda Directions Combine first 3 ingredients in a large bowl; beat at medium speed with an electric mixer until blended. Add eggs, one at a time, beating just until yellow disappears. Stir in cereal, milk, and pineapple. Combine flour and soda; add to creamed mixture, stirring just until moistened. Spoon into paper-lined muffin pans, filling 3/4 full. Bake at (preheated) 400 degrees F for 18-20 minutes. Remove from pans immediately. Yield: 18 muffins. By Robin from Washington, IA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A backslider suddenly began attending church faithfully on Sunday mornings instead of going fishing. The pastor was highly gratified and told him, "How wonderful it makes me feel to see you at services!" "Well, Preacher," said the fisherman, "it's a matter of choice. I'd rather hear your sermon than my wife's."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Guido's first job when he got to the United States was sweeping the floors in a pizzeria. After 15 years of hard work, Guido owned not only the store he started in, but a chain of 50 pizza stores. Guido believes it's now time to relax a little bit. Enjoy the fruits of his hard labor. He calls a contractor to have a huge mansion built for himself. Guido tells the contractor, "Makea you sure you puta lotsa da halo statues inna da house. I wanna have lotsa da halo statues in my mansion, capiche? One inna every room. One in da kitchen. One in da bathroom. Every room!" The contractor is impressed with how religious Guido is, promises to do a good job, and carefully plans a niche in every room for Guido's statues. The contractor personally searches for just the perfect religious statues for each room. Finally, the house is completed and the contractor takes Guido on a tour of Guido's new mansion. The contractor is full of pride showing off his work, but Guido looks concerned and fretful. Finally, the contractor says, "Is there something wrong, sir?" "Wherea are alla my halo statues?" Guido cries. The contractor points to the different statues he's carefully selected and placed everywhere. "They're in every room, sir, just like you asked!" Guido replies, "No no no! I doan wanna no Saintas. I wanna da halo statues!" "Sir?" "You know? Halo statues! Deya ring-a-ding-ding! You picka dem up, anna you say, 'Halo? S'tat you?"
When I was in the fourth grade, we had the horrible Mr. Johnson as our teacher. Once he got called to the office. When he got back, he found all of us sitting absolutely still and quiet. Shocked, he asked, "Boys and girls, I've never seen anything like this. It's wonderful. But what made you all act so well behaved and quiet?" We all looked at each other and I finally raised my hand. "Well," I said, "one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you'd drop dead. We are waiting with bated beath!"

» Hell & Ruff Water

Today in 
1758 Mustard was advertised for the first time in America.
1764 The city of St. Louis was established.
1799 Printed ballots were authorized for use in elections 
 in the state of Pennsylvania.
1898 The USS Maine sank when it exploded in Havana Harbor 
 for unknown reasons. More than 260 crew members were killed.
1900 The British threaten to use natives in their war with 
 the Boers.
1903 Morris and Rose Michtom, Russian immigrants, introduced 
 the first teddy bear in America.
1942 During World War II, Singapore surrendered to the 
 Japanese.
1961 A Boeing 707 crashed in Belgium killing 73 people.
1965 Canada displayed its new red and white maple leaf flag. 
 The flag was to replace the old Red Ensign standard.
1982 During a storm, the Ocean Ranger, a drilling rig, sank 
 off the coast of Newfoundland. 84 men were killed.
1989 After nine years of intervention, the Soviet Union 
 announced that the remainder of its troops had left 
 Afghanistan.
1991 The leaders of Czechoslovakia, Hungary and Poland 
 signed the Visegard agreement, in which they pledged to 
 cooperate in transforming thier countties to free-market 
 economies.
1995 The FBI arrested Kevin Mitnick and charged him with 
 cracking security in some of the nation's most protected 
 computers. He served five years in jail.
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush approved Nevada's Yucca 
 Mountain as a site for long-term disposal of radioactive 
 nuclear waste. He got back-stabbed on that by Harry Reid 
and Obama.
2014  smiled.


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Alphabetize links in IE 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, February 14.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Happy Valentines Day!

If you don't like mushy stuff, go to
CuPig

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to David Bastin, in Jupiter, Floriduh, for smoking weed in a maternity ward. Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 1989 Union Carbide agreed to pay $470 million to the government of India. The court-ordered settlement was a result of the 1984 Bhopal gas leak disaster. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If I knew what I was so anxious about, I wouldn't be so anxious. --- Mignon McLaughlin I was brought up to believe that how I saw myself was more important than how others saw me. --- Anwar el-Sadat (1918 - 1981)
If you are traveling or have a dynamic IP address, or occasionally send from McDonalds or a coffee shop, then you need SMTP2go for reliable and uncensored email SENDING. AND, Most ISPs demand that you use THEIR name after the @, instead of your chosen domain name. With SMTP2go you can use YOUR domain name, even if you travel or are at a Hotspot downtown. Send email from anywhere without ANY hassle with SMTP2go.

>From Roland Roland, an older man, approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall. ''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?'' The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?'' ''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a woman with boobs like yours, Ruth appears out of nowhere.''
Thanks to Connie for this: If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers you or your cubs into next week. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them into the next county. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup..... I wanna be a bear.
>From Lillemor Click on the picture for the large version Send this as a Valentines Card! Free, just fill in the details. More goofy Valentines cards are at http://dawna.com/p11v.html
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Bastin, Jupiter, Floriduh David Bastin, in Jupiter, Floriduh, for smoking weed in a maternity ward. A resident of Jupiter, Fla. is accused of smoking weed inside a maternity ward. David Bastin, 28, was arrested at Martin Medical Center in Stuart, Fla., last Tuesday evening, WPTV reported. Someone called the cops because they smelled marijuana in the delivery and infant unit, according to a police report obtained by TC Palm. The responding officer said the scent was coming from the room where Bastin's girlfriend was admitted. After confronting Bastin, he allegedly coughed up a vaporizer, and, the officer wrote in the report, "a green leafy substance that I know from my training and experience to be raw cannabis." Bastin was charged with possession of cannabis under 20 grams and possession of drug paraphernalia, according to ABC Action News. His bond was set at $1,500. Tech Support Pits From Chuck Re: Alphabetize Links in IE Dear Webby, I've got a silly, tech question for you. I like it when my links in the "Favorites" folder are alphabetized. But Windows seems to ramdomly do this every once in a blue moon. Same thing with the little icons on newly saved links. Sometimes there are really neat icons when you save a link, but Windows will eventually wipe it out a few days or weeks later back to the dumb, default icon. Do you know any tricks to keep the neat icons and alphabetize the links? Thanks, Chuck Dear Chuck The SmartIcons are an "undocumented feature" and Microsoft does not know why they keep falling off or how they should work. As for sorting the favorites, yes, there IS an easy way, though Microsoft won't tell you. They tell you to mess with the registry. I found that if you right-click on the topmost grey menu bar and take the checkmark off the STANDARD BUTTONS, then instead of the favorites showing in a long list on the left side, they pull down from the word FAVORITES. Right click anywhere in there, and you will see the option to sort. After sorting, you can put the checkmark back onto STANDARD BUTTONS, and the favorites will remain nicely sorted for a while. However, new ones get added at the bottom, and those won't be sorted alphabetically. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pin Sponges to Your Pants If you need to be kneeling down, but don't have a pad for your knees, take two large safety pins and two large sponges and pin one sponge to the knees of your pants. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: "An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a 'compromising position.'" "See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him." She wasn't selected for the jury.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Our son, who's in the Army stationed in Georgia, invited my husband and me for a visit. After driving endlessly through unfamiliar streets in search of an entrance to Fort Stewart, my husband suddenly said, "We're getting closer." "How do you know?" I asked. He pointed to a sign that read, "Sonny's Bar & Grill -- Tank Parking Available."
A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stonewall, holding hands, and gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps its aboot time for a wee cuddle." The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad. The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. Angus blurted out, "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me those first two pennies?"

» Hell & Ruff Water

Today in 
1778 The Stars and Stripes was carried to a foreign port, 
 in France, for the first time. It was aboard the American 
 ship Ranger.
1803 Moses Coates received a patent for the apple parer.

1849 The first photograph of a U.S. President, while in 
 office, was taken by Matthew Brady in New York City. 
 President James Polk was the subject of the picture.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell filed an application for a 
 patent for the telephone. It was officially issued on 
 March 7, 1876.
1889 In Los Angeles, CA, oranges began their first trip 
 to the east.
1899 The U.S. Congress approved voting machines for use 
 in federal elections. Florida will get theirs fixed by 2017
1900 Russia imposed tighter imperial control over Finland 
 in response to an international petition for Finland's 
 freedom.
1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts invaded Orange 
 Free State with 20,000 troops.
1912 The first diesel engine submarine was commissioned 
 in Groton, CT.
1929 The "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" took place in 
 Chicago, IL. Seven gangsters who were rivals of Al Capone 
 were killed.
1932 The U.S. won the first bobsled competition at the 
 Winter Olympic Games at Lake Placid, NY.
1946 ENIAC (Electronic Numerical Integrator and Computer) 
 was unveiled. The device, built at the University of 
 Pennsylvania, was the world's first general purpose 
 electronic computer.
1961 Lawrencium, element 103, was first produced in Berkely, CA.
1962 U.S. First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy gave a tour of the
  White House on television.
1979 Adolph Dubs, the U.S. ambassador to Afghanistan, was 
 kidnapped in Kabul by Muslim extremists. He was killed in 
 a shootout between his abductors and police.
1985 Cable News Network (CNN) reporter Jeremy Levin was 
 freed. He had been held in Lebanon by extremists.
1989 Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini called on Muslims to kill 
 Salman Rushdie because of his novel "The Satanic Verses."
1989 The first satellite of the Global Positioning System 
 was placed into orbit around Earth.
1989 Union Carbide agreed to pay $470 million to the 
 government of India. The court-ordered settlement was a 
 result of the 1984 Bhopal gas leak disaster.
1997 Astronauts on the space shuttle Discovery began 
 a series of spacewalks that were required to overhaul 
 the Hubble Space Telescope.
2003 In Madrid, Spain, a ceramic plate with a bullfighting 
 motif painted by Pablo Picasso in 1949 was stolen from 
 an art show. The plate was on sale for $12,400.
2014  smiled.


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Synchronized backups 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, February 13.

One day till GUILT DAY !

Forget a valentines gift, and you WILL find out, what
GUILT DAY is all about.

If you don't like mushy stuff, go to
CuPig

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today's International Bonehead Award goes to an SC Vickie Lynn Morgan Allegedly Takes Break From Anal Sex To Attack Lover's Wife Details at International Bonehead Awards From the History section at the bottom: Today, in 2003 The U.N. nuclear agency declared North Korea in violation of international treaties. The complaint was sent to the Security Council. They severely Tsk-Tskd about that. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Now I know what a statesman is; he's a dead politician. We need more statesmen. --- Bob Edwards I think the world is run by 'C' students. --- Al McGuire Can "O" prove he ever earned a "C" ?
If you are traveling or have a dynamic IP address, or occasionally send from McDonalds or a coffee shop, then you need SMTP2go for reliable and uncensored email SENDING. AND, Most ISPs demand that you use THEIR name after the @, instead of your chosen domain name. With SMTP2go you can use YOUR domain name, even if you travel or are at a Hotspot downtown. Send email from anywhere without ANY hassle with SMTP2go.

Thanks to Ruth for this: Why do our kids have to take the Iowa Test for Basic Skills? Why can't we have a 'Bama Test of Basic Skills with questions like, "Bubba's got three cars and he done traded for two more. How many cement blocks is Bubba gonna need?"
A father and his small daughter were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and she was taking it all in with a serious expression. Dad," the girl said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up ..." "Yes, Cindy?" the father said expectantly. "What bus should I take home?" the girl finished.
>From Lillemor Click on the picture for the large version Horseshoe Bend
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Vickie Lynn Morgan, 38, Spartanburg, SC an SC woman Takes Break From Anal Sex To Attack Lover's Wife Authorities in South Carolina say a woman was attacked by her husband's new girlfriend after walking in on the couple having sex. The Smoking Gun reports that 49-year-old Pamela Lynn Turney walked into her husband's Spartanburg, S.C. home Saturday evening. Though she could hear him, Turney was unable to locate him, so she followed the noises all the way to the bedroom. That's where she found the man in the midst of drinking, smoking weed and having anal sex with his 38-year-old Vickie Lynn Morgan (above). Morgan did not take kindly to the interruption, allegedly springing up from the bed and attacking Turney, knocking her down three times before she was finally able to escape. The incident left Turney with bruises on her forehead and cheek, as well as a black eye. Turney called police the next morning, and the Smoking Gun claims authorities are investigating Morgan, who was arrested for assault the previous February, but not sentnced yet. This doesn't bode well for her. Tech Support Pits From: Ronald Re: Syncronizing Back-Ups Dear Webby, What's new with Syncronizing back-ups? Dozens of programs all claim to be the best at it, abut all they really do is add more confusion and rigmarole. What's the word from the TOP? Ronald Dear Ronald There isn't really anything new with back-ups. I use XCOPY, which we got free since Windos 3.1 Click on START, cmd and in the scary black screen type: xcopy /? All the back-up programs simply use XCOPY and some of the switches listed there. Yeah, right. Ho-Hum. Make a list of everything, that you want to have backed up. With the complete path! For example: e:\alpha\eudora\*.* >> H:\alpha\eudora You don't really need the >>, that is just me making it more obvious You can also use Wildcards! Yeehaw! C:\*.xls >> H:\ That simply copies all Excel .xls files With the /D (date) switch, it copies ONLY the ones, that are newer at the source (C:\) than on the destination. Pretty snazzy, eh? And the geeks have had that available fre since the 80's? Yep. And where is all that top secret information hidden away from the tax paying public? Click on START, cmd and in the scary black screen type: xcopy /? Do I sound like a broken record? Well, I HAVE mentioned this a few thousand times since the mid 80's. So, make a plain text file with all your sources and destinations, without the >>>, just a space Then, to save you getting brain sprain from reading all those fancy "Switches", paste this in front of each line: xcopy /S /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z so that you get, for example: xcopy /S /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z C:\*.xls H:\ Do the same with all your stuff, and you have the equivalent of a $149 back-up program. They still make you list what you want backed up. There is no way out of that. When done, copy it into c:\ or c:\Windows\System or thereabouts. Then make a desktop shortcut to it. Now, when you hit that shortcut icon, it backs up WHAT IS NEWER on the source, than on the destination. It will not waste time with stuff, that is the same on both. If there is any interest, I'll show you how to add some neat tricks tomorrow. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dress Kids in the Same Color When in Crowd When my children were young, I used to dress them in the same color clothing anytime we would plan to be out in a large crowd. We all know how little ones can get excited at theme parks or even in a crowded mall and almost disappear before our eyes. It's so much easier to keep track of them when they're all wearing the same color clothing. With summer coming up and lots to be done, it's easy for us, and our children to become distracted. This tip may help relieve some of the stress, while keeping our kids a little safer. By Laurie from TN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.

Once upon a time NASA decided to send 3 astronauts to space for 2 years. NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each. The first astronaut decided to take along his wife, the second decided to take along books to learn how to speak German, while the third astronaut decided to take along cigarettes. Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home. First came the first astronaut and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms. Next, out came the second astronaut speaking fluent German. They both gave their speeches and got a rousing applause. Suddenly out came the third astronaut with a cigarette in his mouth. He walked up to the podium and snarled to the crowd and asked, 'Has anyone got a friggin' match?!?'
A lawyer read the will of a rich man to the deceased's family: "To my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my dumb cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will - well you are wrong: Hi Dan!"

» Up Up & Away:

Today in 
1542 Catherine Howard was executed for adultery. She was the 
 fifth wife of England's King Henry VIII.
1633 Galileo Galilei arrived in Rome for trial before the 
 Inquisition.
1635 The Boston Public Latin School was established. It was 
 the first public school building in the United States.
1880 Thomas Edison observed what became known as the Edison 
 Effect for the first time.
1900 The Anglo-German accord of 1899 was ratified by Reichstag, 
 in which Britain renounced rights in Samoa in favor of 
 Germany and the U.S.
1920 The League of Nations recognized the continued neutrality 
 of Switzerland.
1945 During World War II, the Soviets captured Budapest, Hungary, 
 from the German army.
1945 During World War II, Allied aircraft began bombing the 
 German city of Dresden, a disarmed Red Cross town.
1955 Israel acquired 4 of the 7 Dead Sea scrolls.
1960 France detonated its first atomic bomb.
1971 South Vietnamese troops invaded Laos. They were backed by 
 U.S. air and artillery support.
1990 In Ottawa, the United States and its European allies forged 
 an agreement with the Soviet Union and East Germany on a two-stage 
 formula to reunite Germany.
1991 Hundreds of Iraqis were killed by two laser-guided bombs 
 that destroyed an underground facility in Baghdad. U.S. 
 officials identified the facility as a military installation, 
 but Iraqi officials said it was a bomb shelter.
1997 Astronauts on the space shuttle Discovery brought the 
 Hubble Space Telescope aboard for a tune up. The tune up 
 allowed the telescope to see further into the universe.
2000 Charles M. Schulz's last original Sunday "Peanuts" comic 
 strip appeared in newspapers. Schulz had died the day before.
2002 Former New York mayor Rudolph Giuliani received an honorary 
 knighthood from Queen Elizabeth II.
2008 Hollywood writers ended a 100-day strike.
2014  smiled.


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