Registry Programs 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 16

Thank you, Virginia!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
illegal Immigrant, who used a silicon mask for a bank robbery
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. --- Doug Larson ______________________________________________________ When Kevin came home, his wife, Liz, was crying. "Your mother insulted me," Liz sobbed. "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" Kevin asked. "I know. But this morning a letter from her addressed to you and marked "Confidential" arrived. I opened it because I was curious." "And?" "At the end of the letter it said, 'PS. Dear Liz, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to Kevin.'" ______________________________________________________ This is a Classic from 2001: Hello Mr Saddam," a heavily Irish accented voice says, "This is Paddy down in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on you!!" "Well, Paddy," Saddam replies, "This is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?" "At this moment in time," says Paddy, after a moments calculation, "there's myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbour Gerry and the entire dominoes team from the pub - that makes 8!" Saddam sighs and says, "I must tell you Paddy that I have more than a million men in my army waiting to move on my word." "Oh sh**!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day Paddy rings back. "Right Mr Sadham, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!" "What equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam asks. "Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Murphy's tractor from the farm." Once more Saddam sighs and says "I must tell you Paddy that I have 16 thousand tanks, 2 thousand mine layers, 14 thousand armoured cars and my army has increased to 1 and a half million since we last spoke." "Bejaize!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Right Mr Sadham, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've kitted out old Ted's cropsprayer with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit .... and the bridge team have joined us as well!" Once more Saddam sighs and says, "I must tell you Paddy that I have 10 thousand bombers and 20 thousand MIG 109 high manoeuvrability attack planes and my military complex is surrounded by laser guided surface to air missile sites. Oh! By the way, since we last spoke, my army has increased to 2 million." "Oh blarney!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Right Mr Sadham, I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm very sorry to hear that" says Saddam "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paddy "We've all had a chat and there's no way we can feed 2 million prisoners!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Benoit Constant 28, Charlotte North Carolina Police Arrest Bank Robbery Suspect, Who Wore Lifelike Old Guy Mask During Armed Stickup Police have arrested a suspect in the robbery of a North Carolina bank that was stuck up by a gunman wearing a lifelike silicone mask that made him appear to be an elderly white man. Benoit Constant, 28, was arrested following a traffic stop Sunday in Texas. Investigators allege that Constant wore the disguise during the December 29 robbery of the Carolinas Telco Federal Credit Union in Cornelius, a town about 20 miles north of Charlotte. Police probing the robbery traced the license plate of a minivan spotted outside the bank to a female relative of Constant. A subsequent search of the vehicle turned up the silicone mask worn by the bank robber as well as the striped bag he carried. In addition to facing a pair of felony charges, Constant is also being held on a federal immigration detainer, according to jail records. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rolly Re: Registry Optimizer Dear Webby, Advance Registry Optimizer: Is this something one should have, or not: Rolly Dear Rolly If you got PC-Mechanic and SmartFix, then that program is about as necessary as an ex-mother-in law in the back seat. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Bob went over to his friend Joe's house and was amazed at how well Joe treated his wife. He often told her how attractive she was, complimented her on her cooking and showered her with hugs and kisses. "Gee," Bob remarked later, "you really make a big fuss over your wife". "I started to appreciate her more about six months ago," Joe said. "It has revived our marriage and we couldn't be happier." Inspired, Bob hurried home, hugged his wife and told her how much he loved her and said he wanted to hear all about her day. But she burst into tears. "Honey," Bob said, "whats' the matter?". "This has been the worst day," she replied. "This morning Billy fell off his bike and broke his ankle, then the washing machine broke. Now to top it off, you come home drunk !" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cool Bathroom Shelving Recently, I moved into a home that had 2 white shelves leaning up against the wall. There was a perfect space in front of a window, but I didn't have the ability to use brackets. I went to a thrift shop and got 4 cups, all the same height. I used them for shelf supports. My bathroom is red and black and white so I stayed with those colors. They turned out nice and are easy to move, leaving no holes in anyone's walls. N-JOY! By Sandi/Poor But Proud [418] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ This country is so full of opportunity. Where else can a woman hire another woman to do her housework so that she can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning woman leaves her child? And have it all paid for by Social Services? _____________________________________________________ Plumber to wife of would-be handyman: "To ensure properly functioning plumbing, keep foreign objects out of your sinks and tubs, flush soap suds away with hot water -- and above all, hide your husband's wrenches." ____________________________________________________
Winter Waltz In Austria

Today in 
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England. 
1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the 
 Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives. 
1527 The Emperor Babur defeated the Rajputs at the Battle 
 of Kanvaha in India. 
1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony, 
 later Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan 
 tribe in Maine who spoke English. 
1871 The State of Delaware enacted the first fertilizer law. 
1907 The world's largest cruiser, the British Invincible was 
 completed at Glasgow. 
1908 China released the Japanese steamship Tatsu Maru. 
1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks after 
 the inauguration of Gomez. 
1913 The 15,000-ton battleship Pennsylvania was launched 
 at Newport News, VA. 
1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated his throne. 
1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first 
 liquid-fuel rocket. 
1928 The U.S. planned to send 1,000 more Marines to Nicaragua. 
1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament and violated 
 the Versailles Treaty. 
1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia. 
1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. However, 
 small pockets of Japanese resistance still existed. 
1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv. 
1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on oleomargarine. 
1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting 
 mostly of women and children. The event is known as the 
 My-Lai massacre. 
1988 Mickey Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in 
 their driveway. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set 
 nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the 
 first person to travel more than 400 mph on land. 
1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit for 
 human consumption. 
1994 Tonya Harding pled guilty in Portland, OR, to conspiracy 
 to hinder prosecution for covering up the attack on her skating 
 rival Nancy Kerrigan. She was fined $100,000. She was also 
 banned from amateur figure skating. 
1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 125,000 
 suspects for 500,000 murders. 
1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European Commission 
 announced their resignations amid allegations of corruption 
 and financial mismanagement.
2015  smiled.


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His address is not working 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 15

Ides of March

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Arizona Teacher, who Smoked Pot With Students, 
Sent Nude Photos
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 


More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. --- Baltasar Gracian ______________________________________________________ The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "He's probably a basketball coach." ______________________________________________________ There was an old country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along the line of choosing a profession. Like many young men, then and now, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do- and he didn't seem overly concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. What he did was, he went into the entrance and placed on the hat table these three objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey. "Now then," the old preacher said to himself, "I'll just hide behind the door here, and when my son comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which of these three objects he picks up. If he picks up the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be o.k. too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a drunkard - a no-good drunkard and Lord, what a shame that would be." The old man was anxious as he waited, and soon he heard his son's footsteps as he came in the house whistling. He deposited his books on the hat table, as a matter of routine, and as he turned around to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With a curious set in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. What he finally did was, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink. "Lord have mercy," the old man whispered, "He's gonna be a politician!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Rainbow over Carlingford Lough
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joseph James Pagel, 33, Bullhead City, Arizona Teacher Smoked Pot With Students, Sent Nude Photos A high school teacher in Bullhead City, Arizona smoked marijuana with students, and sent nude photos and sexually explicit texts to one of them, police allege. Joseph James Pagel, 33, a math teacher at Mohave High School, was arrested Friday by Bullhead City Police after an investigation that began earlier this month. A female student had come forward with explicitly sexual texts allegedly sent by Pagel, according to ABC15.com. The text messages include a request to perform oral sex. Pagel also allegedly sent two nude photos via text. Police said Pagel also received a partially nude photo of the student, according to the Havasu News. Detectives interviewed several students and said there was evidence the suspect had gotten high with students in his home. On multiple occasions Pagel allegedly gave students pills that were believed to be Percocet while on school grounds, AZCentral reports. Pagel is facing charges of attempted sexual conduct with a minor, furnishing harmful items to minors, electronic furnishing of harmful items to minors, luring a minor and transfer of marijuana, according to Fox 5 Las Vegas. Pagel is currently on administrative duty pending resolution of the charges. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: James Re: Address not working Dear Webby, I just received a phone call from a client. My email address on my web site does not forward to my ....@shaw.ca address. It doesn’t work. Please fix ASAP. James Dear James 99% of the time the cause of that is a lame excuse of somebody, who was too lazy to write, and 1% of the time they accidentally put a space in front or behind the address. It DOES work. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Thread at an Angle For Easier Threading Cut your sewing thread at an angle to thread it through the hole easier. By lnygaard [94] Pulling the part of the thread to be cut alongside a candle or bar of soap prior to cutting also helps. DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two Cajun commercial fishermen, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux, went out in the Gulf fishing. They were gone a couple of months. On their return, they noticed a Taco Bell had been built while they were away. Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says "Sacri Bleu! Look it dat! You run over a fone pole an it takes 9 mons ta get Southern Bell ta put in a new pole an fix da fone. We go fish a bit, an dem Mexicans done come over here an build a whole telifone company!" _____________________________________________________ Success is relative - the more success, the more relatives. ____________________________________________________
Almost Everyone in this Small Alaskan Town Lives in this One Building

Today in 
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by 
high ranking Roman Senators. 
1341 During the Hundred Years War, an alliance was signed 
 between Roman Emperor Louis IV and France's Philip VI. 
1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first 
 New World voyage. 
1781 During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford 
 Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General 
 Cornwallis' 1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of 4,400. 
1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot voting 
 machine. 
1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. It 
 was the first escalator. 
1903 The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000 
 square miles were now controlled by the U.K. 
1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese shelled 
 Port Arthur in Korea. 
1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under 
 General Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit 
 Pancho Villa. The mission failed. 
1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage. 
1935 Joseph Goebbels, German Minister of Propaganda banned 
 four Berlin newspapers. 
1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia. 
1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part 
 of Czechoslovakia. 
1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing. 
1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four years 
 after the end of World War II. 
1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more troops 
 for the fight in Vietnam. 
1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil industry. 
1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile. 
1990 The Ford Explorer was introduced to the public. 
1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration of 
 independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still in force 
 in the Baltic republic. 
1991 Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the beating 
 of Rodney King on March 3, 1991. (California) 
1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed. 
2002 Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life sentence 
 in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 
 on December 21, 1988. 
2002 In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger. The 
 event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold nationally 
 by a fast food chain. 
2002 In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for drowning 
 her five children on June 20, 2001. 
2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated Press 
 that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year pledge not to use nuclear 
 arms against states that don't have them. 
2004 Clive Woodall's novel "One for Sorrow: Two for Joy" was 
 published. Two days later Woodall sold the film rights to 
 Walt Disney Co. for $1 million. 
2015  smiled.


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Spell Checking in Open Office 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 14
Just before 9:30 the time will be 3/14/15 9:26.53
That is exactly pi, what the Flat Earthers and 
anti-scientific gullible warmers call the "Evil Number".


Today the moon goes "over itself".
Ideal time for sowing or planting anything, of which you
harvest above ground parts, like grains, flowers, etc.
If you plant potatoes now, they will try to peek and work
their way to the surface, instead of seeking nutrients 
from deep down. Carrots will have phantastic greens but 
pathetic roots. Stick to above ground harvestable plants
for the next week or two.

This is also an ideal time for bringing firewood indoors 
or under a roof, even if it is wet.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to 
Tampa perverts, who shot a dog and tied her to the 
railroad tracks
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to 
 Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) ______________________________________________________ Ron has been telling his wife for 37 years that diamonds look tacky on younger women. So far, it has worked. ______________________________________________________ A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any papers!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kenny Bell, 21, Natwan Callaway, 17, Darnell Devlin, 18, Bobby Hollinger, 17. Hillsborough Co. Jail booking photos Tampa dog shot, tied to railroad tracks Tampa Police on Thursday arrested two additional suspects in connection with a disturbing animal cruelty case that made headlines around the world. Also on Thursday, a Hillsborough County juvenile court judge allowed home detention for one of two Tampa teens previously arrested in the case. Natwan Callaway and Bobby Hollinger, ages 17, appeared in a Hillsborough County juvenile court on Thursday morning. The pair was arrested Wednesday. They are accused of trying to kill a dog that had been purchased for fighting. Investigators say the teens and other unnamed suspects decided to kill the dog because it would not fight. Tampa Police officers rescued the severely injured dog by untying her from railroad tracks on March 4. They were responding to multiple 911 calls about shots fired in the area when they came across the dog. The female dog survived and has since been nicknamed Cabella. Investigators released new details about the crime after the teen's arrest on Wednesday. They say Hollinger threw the dog into the woods and fired at her. The dog then ran back home and sat injured on the front porch. The teens allegedly caught her and brought her back to the tracks and then tied her to the tracks where Callaway allegedly shot her several more times. The boys then left the area. The teens appeared in court for the first time on Thursday morning. Callaway was charged with aggravated animal cruelty, armed trespassing and possession of a firearm. A Hillsborough County judge on Thursday ordered Callaway be held in secure detention, because of the weapon possession charge. Hollinger was charged with aggravated animal cruelty and trespassing. On Thursday, the judge released Hollinger from custody and allowed him to have home detention and monitoring, because he is not charged with possession of a weapon. The teens are scheduled to appear in court again on April, 8. Tampa Police on Thursday arrested two men who owned Cabela prior to her shooting; Darnell Devlin, 18, and Kenny Bell, 21. Tampa Police officers and Hillsborough County Animal Services conducted a search warrant at a home on North 16th Street where Cabela lived before the shooting. Investigators say they found two additional dogs that had injuries consistent with dog fighting. Detectives say they also discovered evidence of dog fighting in the backyard. Investigators say Devlin and Bell admitted to owning the dogs as well as Cabela. Both men were charged with two counts of possessing a dog for dog fighting. WFLA News Channel 8 spoke with Alicia Young, who is the mother of Darnell Devlin and Kenny Bell. She insists her boys are innocent, they did not own Cabella, they did not sell Cabella and they are not in the fighting dog business at all and they were in church when they ...didn't shoot the dog. It's all just propaganda, because they are pooah black boys. Hillsborough County Animal Services took custody of both dogs. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: No Spell Checker in Opne Office Dear Webby, as the preeminent scholar on how 'Open Office' works, can you please explain to me how I can get spell check to work in Open Office? No matter what I try, or do, spell check does not work and no red squiggles ever appear underneath deliberately misspelled words. As always my sincere thanks. Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter Dear Walter ALL of my past professors have turned into high speed augers at your mention of me as a scholar. There could be one of two reasons. One is some other "As-you-type" spell checker holding it off. The other is a hasty install without the language dictionaries. However, if the spell check did work at one time, then that is not the cause. The complete troubleshooting guide is at https://forum.openoffice.org/en/forum/viewtopic.php?t=16512 If all else fails, re-install. Let me know what you find! Have FUN! DearWebby Hi Dear Webby, I apparently did not have a spell checker installed. I downloaded the American English Spell Checker as per your link and the spell checker now works perfectly. You are a true genius! Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A Priest at a Church picnic was ogling a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis. A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!" The Priest replied, "Sister Mary Elizabeth, I know you to be on a diet, and yet I saw you ogling the buffet." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dry Ice for Removing Dents from Your Car Removing small dents in your car is easy to do using a iece of dry ice. This saves you money having them taken out by a professional. Wearing a pair of gloves, just hold the ice over the dent until it pops right out. This does take a little time, so be patient. Simple and inexpensive. Source: Dad By Spacecase [11] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. Imma just tellun my friend, da bishop from Milano, how to spella Mississippi." _____________________________________________________ A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.He says, "What on earth is that all about?" The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop two months ago and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm." "Okay, but that was two months ago. Why does he still wear them?" The farmer replied, "There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other." ____________________________________________________
Was this hedge trimmer in for a surprise!

Today in 
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to 
 Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 
1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria 
 and Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 
1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing 
 squad on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 
1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin. 
1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile 
 in East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 
1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the 
 bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first 
 telephone links across the Channel. 
1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the 
 ratification of the Gold Standard Act. 
1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries RE-discovered 
 Mendel's laws of heredity. 
1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that 
 guaranteed the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama. 
 The Columbian Senate rejected the treaty. 
1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until 
 after their war. 
1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete 
 with Germany in naval strength. 
1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 
1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method 
 to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make 
 a car from 12½ hours to 93 minutes. 
1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden 
 off the Chilean coast. 
1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, 
 committed suicide. 
1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's 
 only judge is God and itself. 
1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia 
 declared its independence. 
1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was 
 dropped by the Royal Air Force Dambuster Squad on the 
 Bielefeld railway viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb 
 used during World War II. 
1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in 
 the Philippines. 
1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held 
 in the U.S.S.R. 
1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time 
 during the Korean War. 
1954 The Viet Minh launched an assault on Dien Bien Phu 
 in Saigon. 
1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the 
 Batista government of Cuba, thereby sealing the fate of Cuba.
1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The 
 PLO bases were hit. 
1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a 
 Trident aircraft crashed into a factory. 
1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency 
 landing near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. 
 boxing team was aboard the plane. 
1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria 
 after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 
 54 Pakistani prisoners. 
1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under 
 President George H.W. Bush. 
1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for 
 their alleged part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free 
 after a court agreed that the police fabricated evidence. 
1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first 
 American to enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 
1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million 
 for an anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and 
 root out Islamic militants. 
1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran. 
2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan 
 intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. 
 A five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset Ali 
 al-Megrahi was guilty of bringing down the plane over 
 Lockerbie, Scotland. 
2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. 
 Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley.
2015  smiled.


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Is CrapCleaner interfering? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 13
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Alabama babysitter, whose 2 year old victim 
drank her methadone laced pop.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopædia Britannica 
 announced it would discontinue its print edition.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
He who hesitates is a damned fool. --- Mae West (1892 - 1980) ______________________________________________________ >A classic brought back by Nanarina Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, dear, it's called sexual intercourse.’ ‘Oh,’ Little Tony said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.' ______________________________________________________ >From Dan The Redneck Book of Manners ***GENERAL*** 1. Never take a beer to a job interview. 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. 3. Its considered poor taste to take a cooler to church. 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets. 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home! *** DINING OUT *** 1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. 2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs. 3. Slow dancing at the local Waffle House is acceptable provided you pay your fair share of the jukebox. *** ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME *** 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are. 3. The beer keg shold not obstruct anyone's path walking through the middle of the living room. *** PERSONAL HYGIENE *** 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money. 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. *** DATING (Outside the Family) *** 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date. 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago." 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say tomorrow! ; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time. 4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad." *** WEDDINGS *** 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion. 5. Remember, the buffet food should be consumed on the premises and not for your personal takeout for tomorrow's dinner. 6. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack. *** DRIVING ETIQUETTE *** 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. 6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession. *** TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER *** 1. All the DNA is the same. 2. There are no dental records. 3. Same evidence: Murderer was last seen leaving the crime scene in a beat up pickup truck. ______________________________________________________ From Clyde: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cassie Townsend 31, Bessemer, Alabama Child Dies After Drinking Babysitter's Methadone Laced Grape Soda Alabama police say a toddler has died after drinking from a bottle of grape soda believed to be laced with methadone. Sgt. Charlie Burton was quoted by Al.com as saying that 31-year-old Cassie Townsend was babysitting the 2-year-old boy Friday and noticed that a bottle containing methadone was not where she left it. Methadone is a medication used to treat addiction to heroin and other opioid drugs, because it is more powerful and more addictive than heroin. Police say Townsend brought the boy to a local hospital because he appeared to be sick. Burton says the boy was unresponsive and later died. Townsend was initially charged with chemical endangerment of a child. It was not known if she had an attorney. Jefferson County Chief Deputy Coroner Bill Yates says toxicology tests will be performed on the boy. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Carolyn Re: Crap Cleaner and Ad Aware Dear Webby, I run Ad-aware once a week. If I install Crap Cleaner will I have a problem? Seem like some programs are not compatible with it. Thanks- you are always helpful!!! Carolyn Dear Carolyn Should be no problem at all. They go after totally different things and Crap Cleaner exits cleanly after doing it's work. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Your honour, " explained the young man, "I have to get married, please." "All right, what is your age?" "I'm 22, sir." "And the age of the bride?" "She's 15, sir." "15??? That's too young -- marrying you would be against the law!" "I see, " said the young man. "Could you try explaining that to the fella behind me, the one with with the shotgun?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Strawberry Sauce I created this recipe when my husband said he was running to the store to get strawberry sauce for ice cream. I always have strawberries in the freezer and whipped this up. It's now a family favorite. It's super easy and so versatile. You can serve this sauce over ice cream, waffles or pancakes, on top of pound cake, stir into some lemonade, etc. Approximate Time: 10 minutes Ingredients: 1 lb frozen strawberries 2 Tbsp lemon juice* 1/4 cup water 1/2 cup sugar pinch salt Homemade Strawberry Sauce *The lemon juice is optional. It just brings out the berry flavor. Steps: Place berries in sauce pan. Add water, lemon juice and salt. Heat over medium heat. Stir occasionally. The berries will start to soften after a couple of minutes. Homemade Strawberry Sauce Add sugar once the mixture is easily stirred. Once berries are completely softened, mash with a potato masher. If you don't want chunks of strawberries, you can throw the sauce in a food processor or use a stick blender. I personally like the pieces of berries. Homemade Strawberry Sauce Heat for a few more minutes to thicken the sauce. Let cool. Refrigerate. By Becky [32] That works with raspberries and plums too. For even better flavor use honey instead of sugar. Have FUN! Dear Webby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen. Later the lawyers speak and the judge listens. _____________________________________________________ During an arctic training exercise in Alaska intense cold played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what else could go wrong when the tent flap opened and a soldier rushed in to announce, "Hey, captain, the northern lights are out!" Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, "Well, go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the @#$% lights!" ---- With northern lights the phrase "the lights are out" goes back a lot farther than electric lights, and actually means "the northern lights have come out from behind the clouds, they are visible". ____________________________________________________
Interesting and beautiful places on earth.

Today in 
0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred. 
1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 
1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in 
 the colony of Virginia. 
1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal 
 to high-ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce 
 the American army. 
1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. 
1861 Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to be 
 used as soldiers for the Confederacy. 
1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff. 
1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. 
1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from 
 business and that he would spend the rest of his days 
 giving away his fortune. His net worth was estimated 
 at $300 million. 
1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country 
 when students refused to sing the Russian hymn 
 "God Protect the Czar." 
1902 Andrew Carnegie approved 40 applications from libraries 
 for donations. 
1908 The people of Jerusalem saw an automobile for the first 
 time. The owner was Charles Glidden of Boston. 
1911 The U.S. Supreme Court approved corporate tax law. 
1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force 
 attack in France. 
1918 Women were scheduled to march in the St. Patrick's 
 Day Parade in New York due to a shortage of men due 
 to wartime. 
1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution. 
1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been discovered 
 by scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell Observatory. 
1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in Jerusalem 
 confirming some biblical history. 
1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of the 
 U.S.S.R. 
1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American troops 
 on Hill 700 in Bougainville. 
1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tanks units were 
 stationed 20 miles from Tehran. 
1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General Draja 
 Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia. 
1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for 
 the cost of caring for war refugees. 
1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges. 
1963 China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit Peking. 
1969 The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the 
 conclusion of a mission that included the successful 
 testing of the Lunar Module. 
1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave. 
1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer. 
1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty. 
1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries 
 was lifted. 
1980 A jury in Winamac, IN, found Ford Motor Company innocent 
 of reckless homicide in the deaths of three young women that 
 had been riding in a Ford Pinto. 
1990 The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua. 
1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up 
 of the Alaskan oil spill. 
2002 Fox aired "Celebrity Boxing." Tonya Harding beat 
 Paula Jones, Danny Banaduce beat Barry Williams and 
 Todd Bridges defeated Vanilla Ice. 
2003 Japan sent a destroyer to the Sea of Japan amid 
 reports that North Korea was planning to test an 
 intermediate-range ballistic missile. 
2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that 
 scientists had found 350,000-year-old human footprints 
 in Italy. The 56 prints were made by three early, 
 upright-walking humans that were descending the side 
 of a volcano. 
2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopædia Britannica 
 announced it would discontinue its print edition.
2015  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 12


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Illinois mother, who shot TV because kids are couch potatoes
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. --- Mignon McLaughlin ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dan, here is the famous Southern Dictionary: BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck." MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts." IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni." Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!" RANCH - noun. A tool. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago." AWL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts awl in my pickup truck." FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the awl in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far." BAHS - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!" TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck." TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime." HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ. HOD - adverb. Not easy. Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix." RETARD - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65." TARRED - adverb. Exhausted. Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred." RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats." LOT - adjective. Luminescent. Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair." FARN - adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country." DID - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim." EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!" BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence." JU-HERE - a question. Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?" HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert." SEED - verb, past tense. VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?" HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action. Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?" GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown! Ah: The thing you see with, and the personal pronoun used denoting individuality. "Ah think Ah've got somethin' in mah ah." Ast: To interrogate or inquire, as when a revenue agent seeks information about illegal moonshine stills. "Don't ast me so many question. It makes me mad." Attair: Contraction used to indicate the specific item desire. "Pass me attair gravy, please" Awl: An amber fluid used to lubricate engines. "Ah like attair car, but it sure does take a lot of awl." Bawl: What water does at 212 degrees Fahrenheit. "That gal cain't even bawl water without burnin' it." Bleeve: Expression of intent or faith. "Ah bleeve we ought to go to church this Sunday." Cent: Plural of cent. "You paid five dollars for that necktie? Ah wouldn't give fiddy cent for it." Co-cola: The soft drink that started in Atlanta and conquered the world. "Ah hear they even sell Co-cola in Russia." Cyst: To render aid. "Can Ah cyst you with those packages, ma'am." Dayum: A cuss word Rhett Butler used in "Gone With the Wind." "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dayum." Everwhichaways: To be scattered in all directions. "You should have been there when the train hit attair chicken truck. Them chickens flew everwhichaways. Far: A state of combustion that produces heat and light. "Ah reckon it's about time to put out the far and call in the dawgs." Flahres: The colorful, sweet-smelling part of a plant. "If yo wife's mad at ya, it's smart to take her some flahres." Fur: Measure of distance. "It's a fur piece ta Etlanna." Fur: Because of or to indicate possession. "Fur yew ta get attair new car yew gotta go see Bubba bout a loan." Good ole boy: Any Southern male between age 16 and 60 who has an amiable disposition and is fond of boon companions, strong drink, hound dawgs, fishin', huntin', and good lookin' women, but not necessarily in that order. " Bubba's a good ole boy." Griyuts: What no Southern breakfast would be without - grits. "Ah like griyuts with butter and sawt on'em, but Ah purely love'em with red-eye gravy." Hale: Where General Sherman is going for what he did to Etlanna. (Atlanta) "General Sherman said "War is Hale" and he made sure it was." Hep: to aid or benefit. "Ah can't hep it if Ah'm still in love with you." Idinit: Term employed by genteel Southerners to avoid saying Ain't. "Mighty hot today, idinit?" Jew: Did you. "Jew want to buy attair comic book, son, or just stand there and read it here?" Kumpny: Guests. "Be home on time. We's havin' kumpny for supper." Law: Police, or as Southerners pronounce it, POH-leece. "We better get outta here. That bartender's doen called the law." Likker: Whiskey; either the amber kind bought in stores or the homemade white kind that federal authorities frown upon." Does he drink? Listen, he spills more likker than most people drink.' Mash: To press, as in the case of an elevator button. "Want me to mash yo floor for you, Ma'am?" Muchablige: Thank you. "muchablige for the lift, mister." Nawthun: Anything that is not Southern. "He is a classic product of the superior Nawthun educational system." (sarcasm) Ovair: In that direction. 'Where's yo paw, son?" He's ovair, suh." Phraisin: Very cold. "Shut that door. It's phraisin in here." Plum: Completely. "Ah'm plum wore out." Retch: To grasp for. "The right feilder retch over into the stands and caught the ball." Saar: The opposite of sweet. "These pickles Sure are saar." Shovelay: A GM car. "Nobody could drive a Shovelay like Junior Johnson." Sinner: Exact middle of. "Have you been to the new shoppin' sinner." Sugar: A kiss. "Come here and give me some sugar." Tarred: Fatigued. "Ah'm too tarred to go bowlin' nonight." Tar Arns: A tool employed in changing wheels. "You cain't change a tar without a tar arn." Uhmurkin: Someone who lives int he United States of Uhmurka. "Thomas Jefferson was a great Uhmurkin." War: Metal strands attached to posts to enclose domestic animals. "Be careful and don't get stuck on that bob war." Whup: To beat or to strike. "OOOEEE!!! Yer mama's gonna whup you fer sayin' a cuss word." Yankee shot: A Southern child's navel. "Momma, what's this on mah belly?" "That's yo Yankee Shot." Zat: Is that. "Zat yo dawg?" BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck." JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck." MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts." IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni." Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!" RANCH - noun. A tool. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago." AWL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck." FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far." BAHS - noun. A supervisor. Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!" TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck." TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eifel Tire in Paris sometime." HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ. HOD - adverb. Not easy. Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix." RETARD - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65." TARRED - adverb. Exhausted. Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred." RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for our rats." LOT - adjective. Luminescent. Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair." FARN - adjective. Not local. "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country." DID - adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim." EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: "He can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!" BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence." JU-HERE - a question. "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach, Jimmy Johnson, recently toured the University of Alabama?" HAZE - a contraction. "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert." SEED - verb, past tense. VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. "I ain't never seed New York City" HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action. "Kin I heavy dew me a favor?" WARSH - verb. To clean. SQUARSH - noun. A vegetable (also verb - to flatten). "Warsh that squarsh, Bubba ... you don't know where its been!" GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution. "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!" Cole's Law: Thinly shredded cabbage "Ya'll Come Back Now, Ya hear?" Good bye, said even after a major faht. Southerners do have manners, ya'll know! ______________________________________________________ >From Connie in Kansas In my next life -- I Want to be a Bear... If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them, too. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup..... I wanna be a bear. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award have been earned by Jennifer Ullery, 40, Algonquin, Illinois Illinois mother shot TV because kids are couch potatoes An Illinois mother wanted her children to watch less TV so she allegedly fired a Ruger .22 long rifle at the 50-inch flatscreen. Police charged Jennifer Ullery, 40, with reckless discharge of a firearm, unlawful possession of a firearm without a license and three counts of endangering the health and safety of a child, ABC Chicago reports. Ullery pleaded not guilty on Monday to charges from the alleged incident that happened Jan. 20 in her Algonquin home. Deputy Police Chief Andrew Doles said the children – ages 15, 11, and six– were watching a music video by the rock bank Primus. All of a sudden, Ullery entered the room and fired "multiple rounds" at the TV, Algonquin Deputy Andrew Doles told the Northwest Herald. "Mom didn't say anything, she just walked into the room and started shooting the TV," Doles said. No one was injured from the shooting. The police visited the house on Feb. 9 after getting a tip from the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services. Officers noticed there had been no attempt to clean up the shards from the shattered TV screen and found a rifle, magazine and ammo, CBS Chicago reports. The kids were placed in the care of another relative, who has a working TV. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Moe Re: Windows shortcuts Dear Webby, Super Duper Top Secret Windows 7 Shortcuts Collection Shortcuts Moe Dear Moe That is quite a thorough list. About the only one missing is SHIFT-DELETE for cutting highlighted text to be pasted elsewhere. Other than that, the list is complete and very handy. Well worth bookmarking or even printing. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Q. What do you get when you cross a lion and an ocelot? A. A political animal called a Lialot, close relative of the Cheetalot. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooktop Cleaner for Bathtub Stains Today I tried bleaching, Oxiclean, and Lysol foam cleaner. Nothing worked. I wish I had taken a before picture. I decided to try the cleaner that I use to clean my ceramic cook-top. It worked. Right before my eyes, the dirt came clean. I figured if it could clean grease off the cook-top it could dissolve body oils too. I bought it my local grocery store. It is a paste like cleaner and comes in a tub similar to car wax. It also comes with a small scrubbing sponge. The brand name is Carbona Ceramic Cooktop Power Cleaner. I did have to use the sponge that came with it and scrub a little, but it came off in minutes. By maymay [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Joan, the town gossip and supervisor of the town's morals, recently accused George, a local man, of being an alcoholic because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's only bar. George stared at her for a moment, and said nothing. Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all night. _____________________________________________________ The young man told his father, "I want to marry a beautiful woman, a good woman, a smart woman, one who'll be a good mother to our kids, a woman who will make me happy." His father told him he'd better make up his mind. ____________________________________________________
Unique Hotels. I’ll take the one in the Maldives.

Today in 
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. 
1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony. 
1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II 
 granted land in the New World to his brother James
1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the 
 French to leave the country. 
1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his automatic 
 telephone system. 
1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time. 
1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the cause 
 of infantile paralysis. 
1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original 
 name was Girl Guides. 
1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his 
 technique for putting sound on motion picture film. 
1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that 
 symbolized his defiance of British rule over India. 
1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of the 
 German Republic and ordered that the swastika and empire 
 banner be flown side by side. 
1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops entered Austria. 
1940 Finland surrendered to Russia ending the Russo-Finnish War. 
1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland. 
1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" to 
 help Greece and Turkey resist Communism. 
1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving the 
 statehood of Hawaii. 
1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that he 
 planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his own 
 bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3 million. 
1994 A photo by Marmaduke Wetherell of the Loch Ness monster 
 was confirmed to be a hoax. The photo was taken of a toy 
 submarine with a head and neck attached. 
1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests. 
1998 Astronomers cancelled a warning that a mile-wide asteroid 
 might collide with Earth saying that calculations had been off 
 by 600,000 miles. 
1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members of the 
 North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). All three countries 
 were members of the former Warsaw Pact. 
2002 Conoco and Phillips Petroleum stockholders approved a proposed 
 merger worth $15.6 billion. 
2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family nine months 
 after she was abducted from her home. She had been taken on 
 June 5, 2002, by a drifter that had previously worked at the 
 Smart home. 
2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume 
 reconnaissance flights off the coast of North Korea. The 
 flights had stopped on March 2 after an encounter with four 
 armed North Korean jets. 
2009 It was announced that the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL, 
 would be renamed Willis Tower, so as notn to annoy Arab 
 terrorists. 
2015  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 11


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award and Darwin Award goes to a
Wisconsin criminal, who knocked down a cop.
Briefly.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1998 The International Astronomical Union issued an alert that 
 said that a mile-wide asteroid could come very close to, and 
 possibly hit, Earth on Oct. 26, 2028. The next day NASA's 
 Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that there was no chance 
 the asteroid would hit Earth.  
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
You've achieved success in your field when you don't know whether what you're doing is work or play. --- Warren Beatty (1937 - ) Friendship is being there when someone's feeling low and not being afraid to kick them. --- Randy K. Milholland ______________________________________________________ Q. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Just one, but it will take a long time, and the bulb has to really want to change." ______________________________________________________ James Drake, in Vernon Township, New Jersey headed out late one afternoon to rob his local bank. Before getting out of the car he put on his ski mask and then went to the door and tried opening it by pushing and pulling it. When he realized the door was locked HE STARTED BANGING ON THE DOOR, as if anyone was going to open the doors one minute after closing time, especially for someone wearing a ski mask! Concerned that this might set a precedent and that other people too might expect to be let in after official closing time, employees called the police. Drake was arrested. That'll teach him a lesson. Annoying the pretty ladies at the bank is very boneheaded! ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Kilt Rock Scotland
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award have been earned by Tony Robinson 19, Madison, Wisconsin Today's Bonehead Award and Darwin Award goes to a Wisconsin criminal, who knocked down a cop. Briefly. The unarmed Wisconsin teenager who was shot to death last night during a confrontation with a Madison cop pleaded guilty last year to armed robbery and recently began serving a three-year probation term for that felony conviction, court records show. According to police, an officer responded Friday to a 911 call about a man who had assaulted a victim and was dodging cars in traffic. The cop followed the suspect into a nearby apartment, where the man allegedly struck the officer on the head, knocking him to the ground. During an ensuing struggle, patrolman Matt Kenny eventually shot the suspect. Family and friends have identified the victim as Anthony “Tony” Robinson, a 19-year-old Madison resident. “The initial finding at the scene did not reflect a gun or anything of that nature that would have been used by the subject," said Madison Police Chief Mike Koval. Robinson’s mother, Andrea Irwin, said that, “My son has never been a violent person. And to die in such a violent, violent way, it baffles me.” Appqarently she doesn't consider armed home invasion robbery or assaulting people or knocking down a cop as violent. Robinson, pictured above, was arrested last April following an armed home invasion at a Madison residence, according to police records. Cops were called to the scene around 6 AM by a neighbor who “spotted several men, one of them armed with a long gun, entering an apartment building,” according to a police report. Police arrived at the home “just as the armed robbery was ending” and a group of suspects was fleeing “with electronics and other property.” Cops subsequently recovered a shotgun and a facsimile handgun used during the robbery, as well as some of the stolen property. Robinson was one of five suspects (each of whom was 18 at the time of their arrest) busted for the home invasion. In October, he pleaded guilty to armed robbery and was later sentenced to six months in jail, though a judge stayed the execution of the custodial term. Robinson was also placed on three years probation, which he began serving in late-December. That clueless sentence was what killed Robinson. Any violent criminal put on probation will commit serious violence to avoid going to jail after his next criminally violent act. Two of Robinson’s codefendants have also pleaded to armed robbery, while the felony cases against the remaining two defendants are pending. Robinson was also the defendant in a paternity action filed last year by a 24-year-old Madison woman. The civil matter ended with a paternity judgment being served on Robinson with regard to the child, a boy who just turned one. A judge ruled that, “parties will have joint legal custody; no placement order and no child support order entered as neither party appeared to provide info.” On his Twitter account, Robinson yesterday included a link to a story about the scathing Department of Justice probe into the Ferguson, Missouri police department. On Thursday, he tweeted, “I need a babe to take care of me when I'm off the drugs.” In other tweets, the teen--whose handle included the name “Tony Montana”--frequently referred to marijuana and described himself as a “Real nigga from the start till the casket shut.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: What are incoming links Dear Webby, What are those "Incoming Links" that you and others mention so often? Ellen Dear Ellen When some other site, for example Ophelia Dingbatter's site, has a link to the Humor Letter, then that is an INcoming link. My link to her site is INcoming for her. Or my link to the Mammogram site, is an INcoming link for them. The whole Internet is a web of links, that is why it is often called "the web". Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Bad Karma Or is that bad Bika ? She's a real biker babe. Watch how she checks for traffic before taking off! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooktop Cleaner for Bathtub Stains Today I tried bleaching, Oxiclean, and Lysol foam cleaner. Nothing worked. I wish I had taken a before picture. I decided to try the cleaner that I use to clean my ceramic cook-top. It worked. Right before my eyes, the dirt came clean. I figured if it could clean grease off the cook-top it could dissolve body oils too. I bought it my local grocery store. It is a paste like cleaner and comes in a tub similar to car wax. It also comes with a small scrubbing sponge. The brand name is Carbona Ceramic Cooktop Power Cleaner. I did have to use the sponge that came with it and scrub a little, but it came off in minutes. By maymay [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Here is an oldie I came across while looking for the "Southern Dictionary" that a reader requested. Still looking, but here is an oldie-goldie in the meantime: Betty-Sue walked into the Emergency Room of a hospital in a small town. She walked up to a nurse and said, "Ah wants to see a Uptern." The nurse looked at her kinda funny and said, "Don't y'all mean Intern?" The girl replied, "Okay, if'n y'all say so, but ah wants a contamination." The nurse is a little confused and says, "Don't y'all mean examination?" The girl replied, "Uptern, intern, contamination, examination, ah don caire, ah ain't demonstrated for 6 months and an ah thinks ah'm stagnant. _____________________________________________________ Jill's husband was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the lady behind the counter stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said the man. "It's my wife Jill, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you make?" asked the bank teller.. "Frankly," replied the man with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue with you than with her." ____________________________________________________
Worse Days

Today in 
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome. 
1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day. 
1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs (rebels) 
 and the French government. 
1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to 
 Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria. 
1865 Union General William Sherman and his forces occupied 
 Fayetteville, NC. 
1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted. 
1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic 
 Seaboard shutting down communication and transportation lines. 
 More than 400 people died.(March 11-14) 
1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the peace 
 overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger. 
1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal agreement 
 with Nicaragua. 
1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan 
 purchased Carnegie Steep Corp. The event made Andrew Carnegie 
 the world's richest man. 
1904 After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the 
 Hudson River was holed through. The link was between Jersey 
 City, NJ, and New York, NY. 
1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated. 
1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to 
 revoke its anti-Japanese legislation. 
1935 The German Air Force became an official department of 
 the Reich. 
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the 
 Lend-Lease Act, which authorized the act of providing war 
 supplies to the Allies Ammo convoys to England and Russia). 
1946 Pravda exposed Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and 
 a warmonger. 
1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in 
 an effort to end arms smuggling to the South. 
1969 Levi-Strauss started selling bell-bottomed jeans. 
1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by getting 
 his 1,000th career goal. 
1988 A cease-fire was declared in the war between Iran and Iraq. 
1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. 
 It was the first Soviet republic to break away from 
 Communist control. 
1992 Former U.S. President Nixon said that the Bush 
 administration was not giving enough economic aid 
 to Russia. 
1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation 
 Treaty refusing to open sites for inspection. 
1997 An explosion at a nuclear waste reprocessing plant caused 
 35 workers to be exposed to low levels of radioactivity. The 
 incident was the worst in Japan's history. 
1998 The International Astronomical Union issued an alert that 
 said that a mile-wide asteroid could come very close to, and 
 possibly hit, Earth on Oct. 26, 2028. The next day NASA's 
 Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that there was no chance 
 the asteroid would hit Earth. 
2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground 
 zero in New York as a temporary memorial to the victims of 
 the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. 
2015  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 10

Thank you Jim, HMCM, USN
Thank you Larry!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
teenage burglars, who thought ashes were dope
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the 
 Battle of Aegusa. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular. Adlai E. Stevenson Jr. (1900 - 1965) ______________________________________________________ Farmer Josh killed a pig and hung it up for the night, intending to butcher it in the morning, but the next day it was gone. He didn't tell a soul about it, and nothing happened for more than two months. Then another farmer, who lived down the road, came by and said, "By the way Josh, did you ever find out who stole your pig?" "Nope," said Josh. "Not until just now." ______________________________________________________ When Nathan Radlich's house was burgled, thieves left his TV, his VCR, and even left his watch. What they did take was "generic white cardboard box filled with greyish-white powder." (That at least is the way the police described it.) A spokesman for the Fort Lauderdale police said "that it looked similar to cocaine and they'd probably thought they'd hit the big time." Then Nathan stood in front of the TV cameras and pleaded with the burglars: "Please return the cremated remains of my sister, Gertrude. She died three years ago." Well, the next morning, the bullet-riddled corpse of a drug dealer known as Hoochie Pevens was found on Nathan's doorstep. The cardboard box was there too; about half of Gertrude's ashes remained. And there was this note. It said: "Hoochie sold us the bogus blow, so we wasted Hoochie. Sorry we snorted your sister. No hard feelings. Have a nice day." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture The dark layers are rain and run-off from a mountain
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD Devin Gesell 17, St. Peters, Missouri Teen Burglar Devin Gesell Tasted Dead Man's Stolen Ashes, Thought They Were Cocaine He looks like the cops told him about the story of Hoochie. Back in November 2014, a trio of accused teenaged burglars in St. Peters, Missouri, happened upon a wooden box while they were pilfering jewelry, Xbox consoles and prescription medication at a home, The Smoking Gun reports. The two teens who broke into the home looked inside, saw some powder and assuming it was cocaine, nicked the box as well. It turns out that the box contained the cremated remains of the burglary victim's father. As they drove away from the scene, 17-year-old Devin Gesell, who told cops he'd acted as a lookout, tasted the contents of the box to make sure his 15 and 16-year-old accomplices had in fact stolen a box of blow, according to the police report. Gesell determined the powder was not cocaine, and promptly chucked the container out the window of the car. The victim, Deborah Matthews, said she and her family were away visiting relatives in California for Thanksgiving when the break-in occurred. She couldn't believe the teens stole her father's ashes. "I was sick, sick to my stomach," Matthews told KSDK. Cops were able to find Gesell by tracking the IP address of one of the stolen Xboxes. Gesell was charged Friday with multiple felonies. His companions face charges as juveniles and were not identified. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sam Re: Submitting to Search Engines Dear Webby, I usually submit my sites to about a dozen search engines after every uopdate. Id that a waste of time? Sam Dear Sam Yes, it is. Submitting has been abused too much, and all the serious search engines ignore it. Good, clean HTML and lots of text will get you catalogued well. INcoming links from other sites will notify the search engine robots to crawl your site and catalog them. Meta text on top is also a waste of time. It has been abused way too much and proven a total nuisance. Some search engines actually penalize you, if you have meta stuff on top. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Rosita got lost in her car in a snowstorm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got lost in a snowstorm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot now, but you can follow me over to K-Mart" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Magazine Cover Bows Did you know that magazine covers can be curled just like curling ribbon? I'm sure you have tons of magazines around. Get cracking with the strips of paper, scissors, and glue sticks. It looks fabulous especially when some are left straight. Directions: By lnygaard [93] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ From today in 2001 ===From My-Lil-Empress Dear Dear Webby I wish I could tell you how grateful I am to you for keeping my husband and coach alive even though he died in an accident four years ago today. While everybody else calls me nicknames like "half-pint" and "evil-runt" and worse, Roy always called me "My-Lil-Empress" and in his eyes I was a real person, not just a half size. The more everybody else put me down, the more Roy always did things to build up my self confidence and make me feel good about myself. Giving me a subscription to the Humor Letter under the name that he used for me, that was one of those things. Even though he is long dead, every morning when the Humor Letter greets me with "Dear My-Lil-Empress !", it's Roy boosting me up, and even though I am only 4' 6", I walk tall ! Thanks Roy, and Thanks Webby! My-Lil-Empress=== Dear My-Lil-Empress It's real people like you who are the reason that I don't mind if the sky turns pink in the east before my previous day's shift is over, as long as the Humor Letter goes out. DearWebby _____________________________________________________ During a friendly argument, Jim asked his wife why she married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," she teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, she was surprised and requested an explanation. "Well, people get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid." ____________________________________________________
Worse Days

Today in 
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the 
 Battle of Aegusa. 
0049 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and invaded Italy. 
1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the 
 Western Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain. 
1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did 
 not call it back for 11 years. 
1792 John Stone patented the pile driver. 
1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase 
 from France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis. 
1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered to the 
 British. 
1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a combined 
 Allied Army at the battle of Laon. 
1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, 
 which ended the war with Mexico. 
1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call with 
 the telephone. He spoke the words "Mr. Watson, come here, 
 I want to see you." 
1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first graduation 
 ceremony because the only graduate was robbed and killed the 
 night before. 
1902 The Boers of South Africa scored their last victory over 
 the British, when they captured British General Methuen 
 and 200 men. 
1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an earthquake. 
1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating machine. 
1903 In New York's harbor, the disease-stricken ship Karmania 
 was quarantined with six dead from cholera. 
1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at 
 Courrieres. 
1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from 
 Siam and Malaya. 
1910 Slavery was abolished in China. 
1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the 
 Manchu Ch'ing Dynasty. 
1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law forbidding 
 late-night work for women. 
1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler to 
 speak in public. 
1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs. 
1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain 
 allowed food to reach France. 
1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied 
 the accusation of spying on Allied troops. 
1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 100,000 were killed. 
1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also known as 
 "Axis Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. Gillars was 
 convicted of treason and served 12 years in prison. 
1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS Missouri. 
 The ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the enemy position. 
 They almost hit the North Koreans.
1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp at 
 Ashau Valley. 
1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest 
 U.S. dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its 
 headquarters from Paris. 
1969 James Earl Ray pled guilty in Memphis, TN, to the 
 assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. Ray later repudiated 
 the guilty plea and maintained his innocence until his death 
 in April of 1998. 
1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese 
 town of Ban Me Thout. 
1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to 
 the militants holding American hostages in Tehran. 
1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their 
 continued support of terrorism. 
1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months 
 after seizing power in a coup. 
1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw 
 540,000 U.S. troops from the Persian Gulf region. 
1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal 
 grand jury about the Whitewater controversy. 
1998 U.S. troops in the Persian Gulf began receiving the 
 first vaccinations against anthrax. 
2002 The Associated Press reported that the Pentagon informed 
 the U.S. Congress in January that it was making contingency 
 plans for the possible use of nuclear weapons against 
 countries that threaten the U.S. with weapons of mass 
 destruction, including Iraq and North Korea. 
2003 North Korea test-fired a short-range missile. The event 
 was one of several in a pattern of unusual military maneuvers.
2015  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 9

In case your clocks are confusing you,
we are now on Summer time.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Dean, who shot a student in the head
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 

More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
He who excuses himself accuses himself. --- Gabriel Meurier ______________________________________________________ Tom was in his early 50’s retired and started a second career. However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Everyday, 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk. "Tom, I have to tell you. I like your work ethic. You do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is quite bothersome." "Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it." "Well, good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, you're coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force. What did they say if you came in late there?" They said, "Good morning, General." ______________________________________________________ A tourist parked his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?" "What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?" "Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. Guess I better find somebody a bit more respectable." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
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Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shaun Harrison, 55, Boston Dean shot student in the head By all appearances Shaun Harrison was living an exemplary life. He was a dean at a Boston public high school. He mentored young people. And, Harrison regularly attended services at a local church for a decade, before leaving in 2012, according to the church's pastor. Now, Harrison is charged with armed assault with intent to murder, aggravated assault and battery with a dangerous weapon. He's also facing multiple weapons charges. Harrison is accused of shooting one of his students in the head. While he was working as "dean of academy" at English High, Harrison was also running a marijuana distribution enterprise, according to Suffolk County Assistant District Attorney, David Bradley. At an arraignment hearing Thursday, Bradley said the 55-year-old now-former dean shot a 17-year-old student he had allegedly hired to sell marijuana. The teenager, who called Harrison "Rev" told authorities he was regularly mentored by Harrison, according to police documents. Bradley said in a news release that the two got into a dispute after leaving Harrison's home Tuesday evening. They were walking along a street when Harrison then "produced a handgun, pointed it at the back of the victim's head and fired," Bradley said in a news release. The incident was captured on surveillance footage, but the police have not released it yet. The teen, who has not been named by police yet, was shot behind the right ear, according to a police report. He is expected to survive his injuries, Bradley's release said. Harrison had worked in various positions with the Boston Public Schools since 2010. He had been "dean of academy" at English High School since January 5, where "he provided services, like finding housing for homeless students or social services or disciplinary alternatives to suspension," said Denise Snyder, a representative for Boston Public Schools. His employment has been "terminated effective immediately," Snyder said. The Rev. Dr. Gregory Groover, pastor of the Charles Street AME Church where Harrison attended services said the allegations against Harrison aren't consistent with the man he knows. "I was stunned beyond description," Groover said when he heard about Harrison's arrest. Groover said Harrison was already an ordained Baptist minister when he came to the Charles Street AME Church. He recalled Harrison usually attended services alone, but he "got along with everyone." "He seemed to consistently care with a deep heart for saving young people who were in the streets or gang related, prison-involved," Groover said. "That was the population that his life seemed to center around." A not guilty plea was automatically entered on Harrison's behalf. He posted $250,000 bail and is under house arrest, according to police documents. He has been ordered to "stay away and have no contact with the victim" and wear a GPS monitor, the DA's release said. He is scheduled to be back in court on April 6. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Irene Re: 65,000 Search Engines Dear Webby, I got an ad from a seemingly respectable company about submitting my site to 65,000 different search engines for $129. Is that a good deal? Irene Dear Irene How many different search engines do you use? One? Two? How many different search engines do your clients use? Search for example for recognize a spoof on Google, MSN, Yahoo. They all will show you relevant and useful answers, and there is no need to check any other search engines. In addition to that, the better search engines totally ignore submissions, especially from paid submission services. If you know of any search engine that specializes on your topic and is used by your clients, you can try submitting your site to that one. Save your money, and send 10% of it to me. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ After a spring break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent the holidays. One child wrote the following: "We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live here in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on big tricycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed, because it is all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. Then they go cruising in their golf carts. My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And they eat the same thing every night, "Early Birds". Some of the people can't get past the man in the doll house to go out. So the ones who do get out bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. My Grandma says Grandpa's worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day too. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Styrofoam Peanuts in Bottom of Hanging Baskets When planting hanging baskets, put Styrofoam peanuts in the bottom instead of stones. The plants do not stand in water and the baskets will not be so heavy. By soochatty from Middletown, DE ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to take a pee and he was told by his mother to always Be Polite and don't talk about private matters in public. At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says "Will you excuse me I have to go powder my nose". And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom. When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks "Did you powder your nose?" "Yes" said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox. "Well then" says the little girl, "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out!" _____________________________________________________ The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Brandy will be setting the pace on our morning run.' With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Brandy was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Brandy will be driving the ambulance, that we might need for those who don't manage to stay ahead of me." ____________________________________________________
Awesome Machines

Today in 
1617 The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern 
 Russia by Swedish troops. 
1734 The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland. 
1745 The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston, MA. 
1788 Connecticut became the 5th state to join the United States. 
1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in 
 North America. The event was witnessed by U.S. President 
 George Washington. 
1796 Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were 
 married. They were divorced in 1809. 
1799 The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of 
 Berlin, CT, for 500 horse pistols at the price of $6.50 each.
1812 Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon. 
1822 Charles M. Graham received the first patent for 
 artificial teeth. 
1839 The French Academy of Science announced the 
 Daguerreotype photo process. 
1858 Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box. 
1862 During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and 
 Virginia fought to a draw in a five-hour battle at Hampton 
 Roads, Virginia. 
1897 A patent was issued to William Spinks and William 
 Hoskins for cue chalk. 
1905 In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the royal 
 tombs of Tua and Yua. 
1905 In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000 
 Russian troops that were retreating from Mudken. 
1905 In Congo, Belgian Vice Gov. Costermans committed suicide 
 following an investigation of colonial policy. 
1906 In the Philippines, fifteen Americans and 600 Moros were 
 killed in the last two days of fighting. 
1909 The French National Assembly passed an income tax bill. 
1911 The funding for five new battleships was added to the 
 British military defense budget. 
1916 Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, 
 New Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen. 
1932 Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish Free 
 State and pledged to abolish all loyalty to the British Crown. 
1936 The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the 
 upcoming elections would be arrested. 
1945 During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched incendiary 
 bomb attacks against Japan. 
1946 The A.F.L. accused Juan Peron of using the army to establish 
 a dictatorship over Argentine labor. 
1949 The first all-electric dining car was placed in service on 
 the Illinois Central Railroad. 
1954 WNBT-TV (now WNBC-TV), in New York, broadcast the first local 
 color television commercials. The ad was Castro Decorators of 
 New York City. (New York) 
1956 British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop Makarios 
 from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting terrorists. 
1957 Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the tolls 
 for the use of the Suez Canal. 
1959 Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair in New York. 
1964 Production began on the first Ford Mustang. 
1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam. 
1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected to 
 the United States. 
1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. 
1975 Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds. 
1977 About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three buildings 
 in Washington, DC. They killed one person and took more than 130 
 hostages. The siege ended two days later. 
1983 The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S. President 
 Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic anti-communism." 
1986 U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the space 
 shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the astronauts. 
1989 In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into 
 bankruptcy. 
1989 In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a 
 mandatory death penalty in drug-related killings. 
1993 Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four Los 
 Angeles police officers accused of violating his civil rights.
1995 The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for illegally 
 fishing off of Newfoundland. 
2000 In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik 
 resigned as a result of an environmental dispute.
2015  smiled.


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Email substitute 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 8

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Ohio man called 911 to report wife stole his cocaine
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. --- Jay Leno (1950 - ) ______________________________________________________ On vacation one year Joe went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from the resort to participate in a cattle drive. After watching 20 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, Joe rode up to the ranch-owner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and yappy dog. It's the noise that'll get the cattle to move." ______________________________________________________ "My wooden leg was hurting me something fierce last night," complained Art. "That's impossible," said his neighbour, "How can a wooden leg hurt you?" The vet replied, "My old lady hit me over the head with it when I came home drunk." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture North-Yorkshire
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michelle Smart, 30, Spartanburg, South Carolina Denied Sex, Woman Pulled Gun On Boyfriend -After having her “sexual advances” rejected by her live-in boyfriend, a South Carolina woman allegedly threatened to shoot her beau, cops allege. Ryan Rucker, 33, was sleeping early yesterday when Michelle Smart, by her own admission, “attempted to make some sexual advances toward” him, according to a police report detailing the 2 AM incident. Rucker told cops that he pushed the 30-year-old Smart off of him, which prompted an argument during which Smart “told him she would shoot him with his own gun, because she has the gun now.” Smart told officers that after Rucker “rejected her and pushed her off of him,” he punched and kicked her multiple times. Cops noted that Smart “continually was changing her story throughout the investigation,” adding that, “For these reasons, Ms. Smart’s account became less believable.” Smart, judged the “primary aggressor” by cops, was arrested for domestic violence since Rucker “feared for his safety when Ms. Smart pulled the gun out and threatened to use it.” Cops seized a Ruger handgun and six bullets, which were placed into evidence. Seen in the above mug shot, Smart spent about eight hours in custody before bonding out of jail Sunday afternoon on the misdemeanor charge. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Email Substitute Webby, Hi Webby: A lady asked "I want a toolbar so I can forward e-mail to without having to open outlook express. I am not to thrill with google toolbar." Any suggestions or remedies? Thanks, Bill Dear Bill I would recommend a steady diet of Smarties and competent supervision. To forward email without opening her email program she would have to delve deeper into spirituology than I want to venture. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ In the dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the resident assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, 'Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!' It was then he realized that "those crazy guys" had removed the drainpipe beneath the sink and turned the "U" shaped part of it to point just below his waistline. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bracelet to Fix Broken Camera Hinge After someone accidentally broke my camera's hinged opening, I couldn't keep it closed to use it anymore. Rather than get another one, I tried fitting one of those rubber bracelets around the camera to hold it shut. Works perfectly! By Donna [204] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you would look trying to milk a bicycle!" _____________________________________________________ An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 9:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!! _____________________________________________________
Awesome Machines

Today in 
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion. 
1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of 
 King William III. 
1782 The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians 
 were killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids 
 carried out by other Indians. 
1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge 
 at Niagara Falls, NY. 
1880 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes declared that the 
 United States would have jurisdiction over any canal built 
 across the isthmus of Panama. 
1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett 
 Horton. 
1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared 
 that Britain would not support France in the event of a 
 military conflict. 
1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first 
 time at Franklin, IN. 
1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to 
 extinguish any anti-Nazi protests. 
1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon, 
 Burma. 
1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 
 in Bougainville. The battle lasted five days. 
1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam. 
1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction 
 in public schools was unconstitutional. 
1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They 
 were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam. 
1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number of 
 troops in Vietnam. 
1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans 
 with poison gas. 
1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three days 
 of protest against Chinese rule. 
1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed 
 the firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at the 
 Los Alamos National Laboratory. The firing was a result of 
 alleged security violations. 
2005 In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan Maskhadov 
 was killed during a raid by Russian forces.
2015  smiled.


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W7 freezes without notice 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Ohio man called 911 to report wife stole his cocaine
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ______________________________________________________ A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "Socks!" ______________________________________________________ Frantic Woman on phone: "Doctor, my Son just swallowed a nickel, and he's coughing up dimes. What do I do?!?" Doctor: "Keep feeding him Nickels!!!" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Collins, 39, Alliance, Ohio Man Calls 911 To Report Wife Stole His Cocaine March 6 An Ohio man called 911 to report that his wife had stolen his cocaine, according to cops who subsequently arrested him on drug and other charges. Robert Collins, 39, dialed the police emergency line late Wednesday night to report the cocaine theft, according to an Alliance Police Department report that does not detail the wherabouts of Collins’s spouse or the cocaine. When officers arrived at Collins’s residence, he apparently had a change of heart and “refused to tell police why he called 911.” Investigators reported that Collins, who “had a pipe used to smoke marijuana in his possession,” was “arrested and charged with misuse of 911 and drug paraphernalia.” He also had an active arrest warrant in connection with a 2013 criminal case. Collins, pictured above, was booked into the Stark County jail on the misdemeanor counts. He is scheduled for arraignment today in Municipal Court in Alliance, a city about 60 miles from Cleveland. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Computer freezing up Webby, Hi Webby: Hope all is going good with you. I have a quick question. My PC keeps freezing up and no matter what browser I use it still freezes. I am currently using the up to date Firefox. I tried everything to fix this, ran malware, anti virus, Mr. Fix it, etc. they can't find a thing wrong. Can you help??? Using Windows 7 Home, PC is 7 years old Ann Dear Ann That sounds like a connection problem. Connection problems are a real nuisance, because you can't really test anything, while the PC is frozen. Sometimes you can hit CTRL SHIFT ESC and start the task manager, and from there end programs, that are not needed at the moment. At the same time, look for programs in there, that are new or unusual. You can sort the programs various different ways. I prefer "Processes", and dump the ones, that hog too many resources. Even though the jam had been caused by connectivity problems, taking a load off the machine usually helps it to recover. To sort out connectivity problems you have to contact your ISP. On a long shot, it could also be possible, that your Adobe Flash Player is out of date and needs to be updated. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Q: If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? A: K9P ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lemon and Baking Soda for Cleaning Microwave To get the caked on food in your microwave to wipe right off, follow this tip. I learned this years ago and it makes my life a little easier. Fill a microwave-safe container with water. I add a few lemon slices and a few tablespoons of baking soda to remove any odors. Microwave on high for 3 minutes. Let the container stay in the microwave for about 5 minutes. It will create a sauna in there. After 5 minutes, carefully remove the container and wipe down the inside of the microwave. It will come off so easily. By Becky [28] A saucer full of water is plenty, unless you let beans explode and cake to the walls and ceiling of the microwave for years. An easy tip to avoid the mess in the first place is to use a plastic cake cover to cover your food, and once a season toss the cake cover into the dishwater. Disposable "Cake Domes" cost about ten cents. Get one with a handle molded into the top, not the expensive ones with metal handles. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Monica N. wrote: "... I was wandering around the 'net recently, and GOSH! I found a whole bunch of PHILATELISTS. And then I discovered groups populated by THESPIANS and HOMO SAPIENS. And I found hundreds -- not dozens, but HUNDREDS -- of educational institutions funded by MY TAX DOLLARS... teaching people to MATRICULATE. We need to pass laws to control the Internet and protect our children!" _____________________________________________________ Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor got rather upset that his word was doubted and yelled: "You just wait until the autopsy, then you will see that I was right." _____________________________________________________
Animals have a sense of humor.

Today in 
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 
1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce. 
1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men 
 massacred more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners. 
1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed. 
1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved. 
1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine. 
1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent for his telephone. 
1901 It was announced that blacks had been found enslaved in 
 parts of South Carolina. 
1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok. 
1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a 
 black man accused of murder. 
1906 Finland granted women the right to vote. 
1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before 
 the city council that, "Women are not physically fit to 
 operate automobiles." 
1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker. 
1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent 
 20,000 troops to the border of Mexico. 
1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany. 
1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia. 
1933 The board game Monopoly was invented. 
1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph 
 in Florida. 
1936 Hitler sent German troops into the Rhineland in 
 violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles. 
1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea. 
1945 During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River 
 at Remagen, Germany. 
1951 U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway launched 
 Operation Ripper against the Chinese. 
1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey competition. 
 Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world ice-hockey title in 
 Stockholm, Sweden. 
1959 Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a 
 million miles in jet airplanes. 
1965 State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march by 
 civil rights demonstrators in Selma, AL. 
1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end. 
1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos. 
1981 Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the 
 kidnapped American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman. 
 The guerrillas accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent. 
1987 Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder 
 when he beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round 
 fight in Las Vegas, NV. 
1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II 
 massacre in Katyn. 
1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke 
 fun at an original work can be considered "fair use" that 
 does not require permission from the copyright holder. 
1994 In Moldova, a referendum was rejected by 90% of voters 
 to form a union with Rumania. 
2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than 
 $88 million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a legal 
 battle over the estate of Smith's late husband, 
 J. Howard Marshall II. 
2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching 
 for extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched 
 from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida. 
2015  smiled.


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Page numbering in Open Office 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


The moon is full. 
Morning stars are Mercury, Neptune and Saturn. 
Evening stars are Jupiter, Mars, Uranus and Venus. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Floriduh idiot, who shot his sister with a BB gun after
she gave him a penis shaped birthday cake. 
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official 
 royal Web site. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996) ______________________________________________________ My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?" Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, the window was closed, and it smacked against the glass. Her husband replied dryly, "Yes." ______________________________________________________ Shelia walked into the kitchen to find her husband, Fred, stalking around with a fly swatter. "And what are we doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies" he responded. "Oh? Killing any?" she asked, with a smirk. "Yep! Got 4 males, 3 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How the heck can you tell?" "Simple." He replied, "4 were on a beer can, 3 were on the phone." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Cloudfall
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Taft, 21, Holly Hill, Florida Man Shoots Sister With BB Gun Over Phallic Birthday Cake When Christopher Taft's sister made him a penis-shaped birthday cake on Sunday, it was supposed to be a joke. What happened next is no laughing matter: Taft allegedly shot her in the buttocks, according to the Florida Sun-Sentinel. The incident happened at Taft's home in Holly Hill, Florida, at a party honoring his 21st birthday. When Taft's sister brought out the penis-shaped cake, he thought it was a funny prank. However, he allegedly thought one good turn deserved another. So Taft allegedly shot the sister in the buttocks with a BB gun, ClickOrlando.com reports. The BB shot from Taft's gun got embedded in his sister's skin, requiring her to go to a local hospital, according to the New York Daily News. The sister, whose name and age have not been released, called the cops on Taft, who was arrested on aggravated battery and battery, according to the Daily Mail. Taft's sister declined to press charges, but he was taken to the Volusia County Jail anyway. He has since been released. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Page Numbering in Open Office Webby, Hi Dear Webby, I have another question for the foremost answer man. How can I insert continuing page numbers with Open Office similar to what is possible with Microsoft 'Word'? As always, my sincerest thanks, Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter Dear Walter The short answer is: Put your cursor where you want the numbers, Click on Insert > Fields > Page Number That's all. If you want ALL the info like putting the numbers and book title into the headers, or restarting the numbering after a preface or index, go to Page Numbering in OO Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Judge: "You admit breaking into the dress shop four times?" Defendant: "Yes, your honor." Judge: "What did you steal?" Defendant: "A dress, Your Honor." Judge: "One dress? And yet you admit breaking in four times!" Defendant: "Well, your Honor, you see the first three times my wife didn't like the color." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Your Sewing Scissors Whether you have kids, grandkids, or even a husband, your sewing scissors may be in danger! If you have a nice pair of sewing scissors, you probably try to keep them hidden so that they aren't used on paper or glue-covered projects. Well here is a solution, it may be excessive, but not in my house. :) Find or purchase a small padlock that will fit through both parts of the handle and lock them up when not in use. Now they can't be used. I found a lock that had a flexible cable that worked really well and even allowed me to lock up my little snipping scissors. By lalala... [584] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ One morning as Professor Thompson was leaving for the college his wife told her absent-minded husband, "Don't forget we are moving today. If you come to this house this afternoon it will be empty." Predictably he didn't remember until he found the house vacated that afternoon. He mumbled to himself, "And where was it we were moving to?" He went out in front of the house and asked a little girl, "Did you see a moving van here today, little girl?" "Yes," she replied. "Can you tell me which way it went?" She looked up at him and said, "Yes, Daddy, I'll show you." _____________________________________________________ We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town. Early the next morning, our 3 1/2-year old ran into our bedroom to wake us up. I dressed him and told him to play in the yard and to quit bothering us. About 20 minutes later, he came running back. "Mommy, Mommy," he exclaimed, "everybody here has doorbells.... ... and they all work." _____________________________________________________
It's mesmerizing to watch this murmuration of starlings move as one in the air.

Today in 
1521 Ferdinand Magellan discovered Guam. 
1820 The Missouri Compromise was enacted by the U.S. Congress 
 and signed by U.S. President James Monroe. The act admitted 
 Missouri into the Union as a slave state, but prohibited 
 slavery in the rest of the northern Louisiana Purchase territory.
1834 The city of York in Upper Canada was incorporated as Toronto. 
1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Anna and his
 army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men defeated 
 the 189 Texan volunteers. Remember the Alamo!
1854 At the Washington Monument, several men stole the Pope's 
 Stone from the lapidarium. 
1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix Hoffman 
 and Hermann Dreser. 
1900 In West Virginia, an explosion trapped 50 coal miners 
 underground. 
1901 An assassin tried to kill Wilhelm II of Germany in Bremen. 
1928 A Communist attack on Peking, China resulted in 3,000 dead 
 and 50,000 fled to Swatow. 
1939 In Spain, Jose Miaja took over the Madrid government after 
 a military coup and vowed to seek "peace with honor." 
1944 During World War II, U.S. heavy bombers began the first 
 American raid on Berlin. Allied planes dropped 2000 tons of 
 bombs. 
1946 Ho Chi Minh, the President of Vietnam, struck an agreement 
 with France that recognized his country as an autonomous 
 state within the Indochinese Federation and the French Union. 
1947 Winston Churchill announced that he opposed British troop 
 withdrawals from India. 
1947 The first air-conditioned naval ship, "The Newport News," 
 was launched from Newport News, VA. 
1957 The British African colonies of the Gold Coast and Togoland 
 became the independent state of Ghana. 
1960 Switzerland granted women the right to vote in municipal 
 elections. 
1960 The United States announced that it would send 3,500 troops 
 to Vietnam. 
1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson announced his plan to 
 establish a draft lottery. 
1970 Charles Manson released his album "Lies" to finance his 
 defense against murder charges. 
1973 U.S. President Richard Nixon imposed price controls on 
 oil and gas. 
1975 Iran and Iraq announced that they had settled their 
 border dispute. 
1980 Islamic militants in Tehran said that they would turn 
 over American hostages to the Revolutionary Council. 
1981 U.S. President Reagan announced a plan to cut 37,000 federal jobs. 
1985 Yul Brynner played his his 4,500th performance in the musical 
 "The King and I." 
1987 The British ferry Herald of Free Enterprise capsized in the 
 Channel off the coast of Belgium. 189 people died. 
1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned the 
 ownership of private property. 
1991 In Paris, five men were jailed for plotting to smuggle 
 Libyan arms to the Irish Republican Army. 
1992 The computer virus "Michelangelo" went into effect. 
1997 A gunman stole "Tete de Femme," a million-dollar Picasso 
 portrait, from a London gallery. The painting was recovered 
 a week later. 
1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official 
 royal Web site. 
1998 A Connecticut state lottery accountant gunned down three 
 supervisors and the lottery chief before killing himself.
2015  smiled.


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MultiAuth Helper 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 5

Back in the saddle again!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Man Arrested With Sword In Cane Trying To Visit Jailed Son
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for 
 military purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights 
 behind Turkish lines west of Tripoli. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. --- Oscar Wilde ______________________________________________________ >From Roy Do What is Right! Whilst strolling round the Harbour this morning about 11 a.m., I noticed a terrorist who slipped from the quayside and fell into the water. He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get help he would surely drown. Being a responsible British citizen, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress, I informed the Police, the Coastguard, the Immigration Office and even the Fire Dept. It is now 4 p.m., he has drowned, and none of the authorities have yet responded. I'm starting to think I wasted four stamps. ______________________________________________________ The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad snickered, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jose Gonzalez 53, San Antonio Texas Man Arrested With Sword In Cane Trying To Visit Jailed Son A San Antonio man trying to visit his jailed son also landed behind bars after being caught with a combination cane and 2-foot sword. The Bexar County Sheriff's Office says 53-year-old Jose Gonzalez faces a charge of unlawfully carrying a weapon. Sheriff's spokesman James Keith said Wednesday that the cane, with a handle fashioned like the head of a snake, was confiscated. Keith says the father was able to walk through a scanner on Monday without needing the cane, which went through another security device. An alarm went off. An officer twisted off the top of the cane and drew out the sword, and the father was arrested. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jannie Re: MultiAuth Helper Webby, When I clear the history, something still shows up: MultiAuth Helper... what is that? Also I suddenly can't get two games that I was playing daily, including on Yahoo. Thanks Jannie Dear Jannie Unless you are loggin in via two different ISPs, that could indicate a serious problem. MultiAuth Helper is used to log in and authenticate with two different ISPs, for example AOL plus invisibly some pirate host in the Caribbean or North Korea. There COULD possibly be a harmless explanation. If you work next door and go online with Verizon wireless, then take your laptop home and log on at AOL, without logging off Verizon, then you would need the MultiAuth Helper to untangle the unholy pissing contest between the two ISPs. If that is not the case with you, then AOL is not your only ISP. Then some pirates are using your machine. It is doubtful, that they just copy your collection of prayers. Generally they use a slave machine for spamming and also to provide cheap long distance telephone service, especially if the pirates are in the Caribbean or North Korea. They won't run up your phone bill or do anything, that you might notice. They just use something like a Skype server or relay on your machine and let their clients use it to call different continents. Sometimes the slave machines are also used for DDOS (Distributed Denial Of Service), where they gang up tens of thousands of pirated machines to overload a target server like Sony or some Government. In summary, unless you KNOW about logging on to different ISPs or Phone providers, get some experts to get rid of it. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Before his daring escape from prison, an infamous criminal had been photographed from four different angles. The FBI sent copies of the pictures to police chiefs all across the land, with orders to notify Washington the moment an arrest was made. The next day, the Bureau received a faxed reply from the ambitious sheriff of a small Southern town: "PICTURES RECEIVED. ALL FOUR SHOT DEAD WHILE RESISTING ARREST." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Carnival-Worthy Funnel Cakes On the few occasions that we've gone to a fair or amusement park, my kids beg for the funnel cakes. I just couldn't pay so much money for a glorified donut! I was watching a cooking show one day, and they were making funnel cakes. Who knew you could make them at home? Anyway, I've tried a few different recipes and every one has come out wonderful. It's a special treat and my kids don't feel like they are missing out. Plus, it's so quick and inexpensive to make. Approximate Time: 20 minutes Yield: 3 or 4, depending on size Ingredients: 1 1/3 cup flour 3/4 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp baking soda 1/4 tsp salt 1 egg, beaten 2 Tbsp sugar 1 cup milk oil for frying powdered sugar Add any other toppings you may want on there; ice cream, strawberries, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, etc. Steps: Sift the dry ingredients together (flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt). Whisk the egg and sugar together until mixture turns a pale yellow color. I whisked for about 2 minutes. Add milk to the egg mixture. Gently fold egg mixture into flour mixture. The batter should be a little thicker than pancake batter but thin enough to pour. Add more milk to loosen it, if needed. Pour oil into a large frying pan or pot, until it's 2 inches deep. Heat oil to 375 degrees F. In the original recipe, you are supposed to use a funnel to pour the batter into the oil. You put the batter in the funnel, keeping your finger at the bottom to plug the hole. Then, once over the oil, let the batter drizzle in a crazy pattern. Since my funnels are always missing because my kids play with them in the bathtub, I just improvised. I put the batter in a container and poured it out slowly. Cook on the first side until the funnel cake floats and is a golden brown color. Flip over. Cook until the bottom is golden brown. Take cake out of the oil and let drain on paper towels. Dust with powdered sugar. Add any additional toppings. Source: This recipe is from Sunny Anderson. By Becky [25] Connie in Arkansas City, Kansas bought me my first funnel cake at the Arkalalah! festival. That was many years ago. I almost married Connie, but when the mother of her son's fiance pressured Connie into setting a deadline for me, I left Kansas. A few months later that woman forbid Connie to attend her son's wedding and threatened to have her arrested, if she showed up. I am quite glad I escaped. Back to Funnel cakes. The ones at the Arkalahlah! were delicious, but ridiculously overpriced. So I watched very closely how they made them, and later experimented a bit. I found, just about any powder dough (not yeast) will work, anything from pancake to cake mix. One very important ingredient becky missed, is vanilla. Funnel Cake does have to have real vanilla in it. At the festival you can smell it a hundred feet away. For the oil I prefer a deep and narrow pot. Anything else splatters and makes a mess. For the funnel I use a large one with an opening just the size of a wooden spoon. I set the funnel into a jar, stick the spoon into the opening, pour the batter into the funnel, take the funnel to the almost smoking hot oil pot, raise the wooden spoon and control the flow of the batter by how much I raise the spoon. Just waving the funnel around a bit will create the required crazy pattern. You can start with figure 8's, advance to pretzels, name initials, whatever. For best results, have few cross- overs, and no parallel touches. After I have done the second side, which usually takes just a few seconds, I fish them out with a slotted spoon and put them onto an oven rack and let them drip into a cake pan. Wasting good oil on paper towel is silly. If the oil was hot enough, the funnel cakes don't feel greasy, but I still dust them a bit with icing sugar mixed with vanilla powder. They would probably consider it a sacrilege in Kansas, but I prefer funnel cakes with hot cider or mulled wine. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!" _____________________________________________________ A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, Susie?" "You know that you always have you a headache next morning after wearing that suit!" _____________________________________________________
These 29 Animals Have Made Horrible Decisions - And They REALLY Regret Them

Today in 
1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies 
 was enacted in Virginia. 
1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class 
 was exempted from whipping by legislation. 
1766 The first Spanish governor of Louisiana, Antonio de 
 Ulloa, arrived in New Orleans. 
1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops 
 fired on a crowd in Boston killing five people. Two 
 British troops were later convicted of manslaughter. 
1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege. 
1836 Samuel Colt's Patent Arms Manufacturing of Paterson, 
 New Jersey, was chartered by the New Jersey legislature. 
1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez 
 invaded Texas for the first time since the revolution. 
 They briefly occupied San Antonio, but soon headed back 
 to the Rio Grande. 
1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels 
 to the western U.S. 
1867 An abortive Fenian uprising against English rule took 
 place in Ireland. 
1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake. 
1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt 
 revolutionary disturbances. 
1901 Germany and Britain began negotiations with hopes of 
 creating an alliance. 
1902 In France, the National Congress of Miners decided 
 to call for a general strike for an 8-hour day. 
1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 
 40,000 demonstrators were dispersed by troops. 
1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs 
 to show support for striking transit workers. 
1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for 
 military purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights 
 behind Turkish lines west of Tripoli. 
1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd 
 to Moscow. 
1922 "Annie Oakley" (Phoebe Ann Moses) broke all existing records 
 for women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100 targets. 
1923 Old-age pension laws were enacted in the states of 
 Montana and Nevada. 
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day 
 bank holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from 
 being withdrawn from banks. 
1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German 
 parliamentary elections. 
1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was 
 celebrated. 
1943 Germany called fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds for 
 military service due to war losses. 
1946 Winston Churchill delivered his "Iron Curtain Speech". 
1946 The U.S. sent protests to the U.S.S.R. on incursions 
 into Manchuria and Iran. 
1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in 
 power for 29 years. 
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation 
 in public schools. 
1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect 
 after 43 nations ratified it. 
1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right 
 to display the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas display. 
1984 The U.S. accused Iraq of using poison gas. 
1993 Cuban President Fidel Castro said that Hillary Clinton 
 was "a beautiful woman." 
1993 Sprinter Ben Johnson was banned from racing for life by 
 the Amateur Athletic Association after testing positive for 
 banned performance-enhancing substances for a second time. 
1997 North Korea and South Korea met for first time in 25 
 years for peace talks. 
1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough 
 water on the moon to support a human colony and rocket 
 fueling station. 
2015  smiled.


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No Question 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wedbnesday, March 4

I am back home again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida police chief fired for soliciting sting hookers.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA.
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. --- Malaclypse the Younger ______________________________________________________ "Mummy, tomorrow I have an oral exam. One question the teacher will ask me is "who made you?" What shall I say?" asked Little Johnny. "Say God made you." replied his mother. The next day, when the question came up, poor Little Johnny forgot what his mother had said, so he explained, "Teacher, until yesterday I was sure it was my father who made me. But then my mother said it was someone else - but I can't remember who she said it was." ______________________________________________________ If you think your problems are behind you, chances are you make your kids stay on the back seat when you drive. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Thor’s-Well-Oregon
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Stephen Johnson 53 police chief of Miami Gardens, Florida. Police Chief Stephen Johnson Arrested For Soliciting '2-Girl Special' When deputies for the Broward County Sheriff's Department set up a sting operation targeting the solicitation of prostitution, they expected they'd get some bites from johns. They didn't expect one of them would be Stephen Johnson, the police chief of Miami Gardens, Florida. Johnson, 53, was arrested Friday for soliciting a prostitute in Dania Beach after he allegedly answered an escort ad placed on Backpage and called the number, NBC Miami reports. Authorities said Johnson arranged for the "two-girl special," for $100, and agreed to meet the two prostitutes at a Dania Beach hotel. Johnson knocked on the door around 6:20 p.m. only to discover two undercover cops posing as prostitutes. He was arrested and charged with soliciting a prostitute, according to the Florida Sun-Sentinel. A few hours later, he was fired from his job as Miami Gardens police chief, a $165,000 position he had held since last May. When Johnson bonded out of the Broward County Jail Saturday morning, he apologized for the arrest, which he blamed on job stress. “I want to apologize to the community, and I want to apologize to my elected officials,” he said, according to the Miami Herald. “The stress overwhelmed me, and I made a very bad decision to deal with that moment I’ve never experienced before.” During his brief remarks, Johnson referred to an incident on Friday morning involving a 10-year-old girl who was struck by an unmarked Miami Gardens police car. According to the paper, Johnson did not explain how the incident was connected to his arrest, except to say it was a stressful situation. Johnson was hired last May after former top cop Matthew Boyd resigned amid allegations of departmental harassment and illegal tactics, Newser reports. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Re: No question Dear Webby, No Answer Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "I'm ashamed of the way we live," a young wife said to her lazy husband who refused to find a job. "My father pays our rent. My mother buys all of our food. My sister buys our clothes. My aunt bought us a car. I'm just so ashamed." The husband rolled over on the couch. "You *should* be ashamed," he agreed. "Those two worthless brothers of yours never give us a penny." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Clip as Masking Tape Marker I don't know if anyone does this already but I discovered something that helps me tremendously! Put a paper clip at the start of the tape. When you need some, take your length and then put the paper clip in place before tearing it off. Now you'll always know where the end is, no more turning and turning and searching. :) By Stacey S. [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," Little Johnny said to his Uncle Rodney, the first time he saw him after the holidays. "It's the best Christmas present I ever got." "That's great," said his Uncle Rodney. "Do you know how to play it?" "Oh, I don't play it," Little Johnny said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night. _____________________________________________________ Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?" Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?" He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker." _____________________________________________________
Saturday Evening Post- The vintage superheroes meet Norman Rockwell

Today in 
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA.
1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William 
 Penn for an area that later became the state of Pennsylvania. 
1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which 
 had caused bitter and violent opposition in the U.S. colonies. 
1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. 
 The French garrison evacuated the city without a fight. 
1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was 
 the Granite Railway in Quincy, MA. 
1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone. 
1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when 
 the "Daily Graphic" was published in New York City. 
1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the 
 Manchurian border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced. 
1908 The New York board of education banned the act of 
 whipping students in school. 
1914 Doctor Fillatre successfully separated Siamese twins. 
1947 France and Britain signed an alliance treaty. 
1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier," 
 the first seagoing radio broadcasting station. 
1952 Ronald Reagan and Nancy Davis were married. 
1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the 
 first successful kidney transplant. 
1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin. 
1989 Time, Inc. and Warner Communications Inc. announced 
 a plan to merge. 
1991 Sheik Saad al-Jaber al-Sabah, the prime minister of Kuwait, 
returned to his country for the first time since Iraq's invasion.
1994 Bosnia's Croats and Moslems signed an agreement to form a 
 federation in a loose economic union with Croatia. 
1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human cloning. 
1998 Microsoft repaired software that apparently allowed hackers 
 to shut down computers in government and university offices 
 nationwide. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned on-the-job 
 sexual harassment even when both parties are the same sex. 
1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. President 
 Clinton went on sale in the U.S. 
2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted government-
 funded scientists to use embryos left over from fertility 
 treatment or abortions. 
2012 Vladimir Putin won re-election in Russia's presidential 
 election.
2015  smiled.


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Wall filters 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an
Irish car burglar, who is dumber than a brick
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1945 During World War II, Finland changed to the winning side and
 declared war on the Axis. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Books to the ceiling, Books to the sky, My pile of books is a mile high. How I love them! How I need them! I'll have a long beard by the time I read them. --- Arnold Lobel ______________________________________________________ At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately she began flattering him outrageously. The guy liked the young lady, but was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch. He was amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage. "Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," she smiled. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the back of the bank where you have your account. I know all I need to know about you." ______________________________________________________ Being able to turn your grandchildren into spoiled brats is God's reward for not killing your children. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Loch Tay
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Irish Man ID and mugshot protected by Irish laws Dumber than a brick A would-be thief in Ireland attempted to break into a car by throwing a brick into the vehicle's window, only for the brick to bounce back and knock the man unconscious, CCTV video obtained by the Irish Independent shows. The owner of the nearby Pheasant pub and the car that fought back, Gerry Brady, came out to investigate and saw the man lying in a pool of his own blood. That's when the suspect attempted to blackmail him, he said. More from the Independent: “When the Gardaí picked him up, he started claiming that I attacked him. He was still telling them that in the station when I came in with the footage of him getting knocked out by his own brick.” “You should have heard the gardai laughing when they saw the video. They were in stitches. Credit to them, they were straight out when we called and found the guy within minutes.” The man was quickly collected by authorities, and the incident remains under investigation. Items he had stolen from other cars were returned. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Tom Re: Telephone filters Dear Webby, We get a lot of interference on our phones, too, because of DSL. Our ISP supplies filters which plug in at each phone jack, Unplug the phone line, insert the filter, plug the phone line into the back end of the filter and Voila!! No more static or interference. Hope this helps. tom Dear Tom If that helps, good for you! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A first-grade girl came home from school. She was very happy, and her Mom noticed this. Mom asked, "What makes you so happy today?" The girl said, "Mom, we learned how to make babies in school today!" Thinking that first grade was a bit early for that, she asked her daughter to tell her how. "It's easy, Mom -- you just drop the 'y', and add 'i-e-s', " the daughter said. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Seedling Pots From Phone Book Pages I still tape my homemade seedling pots as I have not mastered the crimping technique. I would like to add though, if you have access to phone books, the pages are the perfect size for seedling pots. Without any cutting, and depending the size of your form and how the page is folded, you can make pots in a variety of sizes. Very small pots will require only one page, while large pots should be made with two to three layers of pages. By likekinds [63] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in ourt, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence...I'll hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. _____________________________________________________ My Grandmother is ninetyfive and still doesn't need glasses... She drinks straight out of the bottle. An elderly couple were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Greg noticed something funny about Keli's ear and he said, "Keli, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Keli answered, "I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Greg, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I know why my farts sound so loud." _____________________________________________________
Beautifully painted feathers. The dogs and hawk are my favorite.

Today in 
1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill. 
1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to 
 New Orleans was opened. 
1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a 
 U.S. President’s veto. It was the first time the Congress 
 had achieved this. 
1857 Britain and France declared war on China. 
1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano. 
 The treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, Montenegro, 
 and the autonomy of Bulgaria. 
1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work. 
1903 In St. Louis, MO, Barney Gilmore was arrested for spitting. 
1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants. 
1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a political 
 document with Thomas Edison's cylinder. 
1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly. 
1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with tires. 
1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists. 
1909 Aviators Herring, Curtiss and Bishop announced that airplanes 
 would be made commercially in the U.S. 
1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and resorted to 
 guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S. intervention. 
1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany, Austria 
 and Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation in WW I. 
1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key, was 
 adopted as the American national anthem. The song was originally 
 a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry." 
1939 In Bombay, Ghandi began a fast to protest the state's 
 autocratic rule. 
1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria. 
1945 During World War II, Finland changed to the winning side and
 declared war on the Axis. 
1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law that 
 banned Communist teachers in the U.S. 
1956 Morocco gained its independence. 
1969 Apollo 9 was launched by NASA to test a lunar module. 
1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he 
 killed Robert Kennedy. 
1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since WWII. 
1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10 
 crashed just after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris. 
1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his 
 grave in Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was 
 recovered 11 weeks later near Lake Geneva. 
1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels 
 final voyage had ended on May 26, 1979. 
1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of 
 $30 million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras. 
1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police 
 officers. The scene was captured on amateur video.
1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with 
 the Chiapas rebels. 
1995 A U.N. peacekeeping mission in Somalia ended. Several 
 gunmen were killed by U.S. Marines in Mogadishu while 
 overseeing the pull out of peacekeepers. 
1999 In Egypt, 19 people were killed when a bus plunged 
 into a Nile canal. 
1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to 
 circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. 
 They succeeded on March 20, 1999.
2015  smiled.


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Noisy telephone 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Florida drunk, who torches his place, because niec
refuses to take him on a beer run.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1866 Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine needles.
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. Timothy Leary (1920 - 1996) ______________________________________________________ Musician Kid Rock came under fire for posting a photo of himself holding a cougar that he had just killed. People were outraged until they realized the cougar was one of the "Real Housewives of Orange County." ______________________________________________________ When Little Johnny's family moved into a new double wide trailer one of their former neighbors dropped by. Seeing Johnny out front, he asked, "So, how do you like your new place?" "It's terrific," Little Johnny answered. "I have my own room, my brother has his own room, and my sister has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Jerome Clemons, 44, Boynton Beach, Florida Burned ATV, house when niece refused 'beer run' When Jerome Clemons' niece refused to drive him to a liquor store, he got all fired up. So much so that he torched a vehicle and burned part of his home. Clemons, 44, was arrested and charged with one count of arson on Wednesday for the heated incident at his house in Boynton Beach, Florida. Clemons had already been drinking when he asked his niece, Robineisha Felton, to drive him to the liquor store to replenish the beer supply, the Florida Sun-Sentinel reports. When she declined, the two argued but Felton left because tempers had flared. Clemons' brother, James Clemons, who was also at the house, told police Jerome kept mumbling about how he was "tired of it all," the Miami New Times reports. The brother started making dinner when he observed Jerome pouring gas over a large area rug placed on top of a four-wheeled ATV. The suspect then allegedly set the ATV on fire with a lighter, according to a police report obtained by The Huffington Post. Soon, the rug, the ATV, a garbage can, and miscellaneous plates and clothing were all ablaze. James Clemons put out the fire with a garden hose before calling the police. Officers said Jerome Clemons had multiple burns, blisters and peeling skin on his right arm from his fingers to his shoulder. He also smelled of gasoline. He was taken to the hospital to be treated for second-degree burns before getting hauled off to jail. Although a corner of the house was burned, damage was minimal. This isn't Clemons first arrest in unique circumstances. In October, 2012, he charged with disorderly conduct after dialing 911 and telling the dispatcher he had a cold and wanted medical attention, according to the Palm Beach Post. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Noisy Telephone Dear Webby, Pray you're having a fantastic holiday and that all is going well. My question is this: sometimes I need to be on the computer and also on the phone at the same time if there's a problem somewhere. I'm on DSL as we live in the country and there's no high-speed anything here! HA! HA! When I have the computer plugged into the phone jack on the wall and use a splitter to plug the phone in as well, there's so much static that you can't call anyone or hear anyone if anyone calls. So, I've taken the phone and plugged it into another jack in another room and all is well. Any idea what might be wrong and possibly how I can fix it? You've helped much in the past and I'm hoping you have the answer to this question as well. Cheers, Wendy Dear Wendy That could be due to different causes. If you got DSL, then the Internet is peeled off the line and separated, just like a different TV channel is separated from your TV feed. If you are trying to use the peeled off Internet line for phone purposes, then you probably get not much more than static. The other potential problem is static from the computer. I get that too. I have to plug in some distance away from the computer, but I can plug the base station in in the next room, and then use the wireless hand set right at the computer. The wireless connection is at a much higher frequency and not bothered by the static coming from the computer. Just try the same thing andplug in the base station as far away from the computer as possible. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to leave, because otherwise they are all going to fall. They were not able to name that person, until the woman held a very touching speech. She said that she will voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she is used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Seedling Pots From Phone Book Pages I still tape my homemade seedling pots as I have not mastered the crimping technique. I would like to add though, if you have access to phone books, the pages are the perfect size for seedling pots. Without any cutting, and depending the size of your form and how the page is folded, you can make pots in a variety of sizes. Very small pots will require only one page, while large pots should be made with two to three layers of pages. By likekinds [63] Brown paperbags work fine too, without putting toxins into your dirt. A dab of flour glue will quickly glue down errant corners. Brown paper completely disappears by mid summer. The easiest way to make seedling pots is to wet the brown paper, lay it over a plastic seedliing cup or plastic coffee cup, punch it down with a drinking glass or pill bottle, smooth the top edges and if necessary fold them inwards, and if necessary glue them with flour glue. (1 TBSP unbleached flour and enough water to turn it into a thick paste.) If the paper has been soaked a bit, it is limp and very cooperative. Seedling pots made from brown paper don't fall apart, when you transplant them from the germination trays to the garden. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ >From Arca Following the birth of my second child, I called our insurance company to inquire about my short-term disability policy. "I just had a baby," I proudly announced to the representative who picked up the phone. "Congratulations! I'll get all of your information and activate your policy," she assured me. After taking down basic facts like my name and address, she asked, "Was this a work-related incident?" _____________________________________________________ A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. The motorist's lawyer made this point: "Your honor, my client has been driving for over thirty years." To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted: "Your honor, if we are going to judge this case by experience, may I remind you that my client has been walking for over sixty years, and has never hit a car in all that time!" _____________________________________________________
A River Runs Through It

Today in 
1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the 
 importation of slaves
1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an 
 ad interim government was formed. 
1866 Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine 
 needles. 
1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation 
 that would have required a literacy test for immigrants 
 entering the country. 
1899 Mount Rainier National Park in Washington was established 
 by the U.S. Congress. 
1900 The U.S. Congress voted to give $2 million in aid to 
 Puerto Rico. 
1901 The U.S. Congress passed the Platt amendment, which 
 limited Cuban autonomy as a condition for withdrawal of 
 U.S. troops. 
1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in 
 New York City. The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first 
 hotel exclusively for women. 
1906 A tornado in Mississippi killed 33 and did $5 million 
 in damage. 
1907 In Hamburg, Germany, dock workers went on strike after 
 the end of the night shift. British strike breakers were 
 brought in. The issue was settled on April 22, 1907. 
1908 In New York, the Committee of the Russian Republican 
 Administration was founded. 
1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional 
 color photography at the Academy of Sciences. 
1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II 
 abdicating. 
1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship 
 with the enactment of the Jones Act. 
1925 State and federal highway officials developed a nationwide 
 route-numbering system and adopted the familiar U.S. shield
 -shaped, numbered marker. 
1929 The U.S. Court of Customs & Patent Appeals was created
1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere in
 New York. 
1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam. 
1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in Fort Worth,
 TX. The American plane had completed the first non-stop 
 around-the-world flight. 
1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde 
 made its first test flight. 
1983 The U.S.S.R. performed an underground nuclear test. 
1984 The first McDonald's franchise was closed. A new location 
 was opened across the street from the old location in 
 Des Plaines, IL. 
1985 The U.S. government approved a screening test for AIDS 
 that detected antibodies to the virus that allowed possibly 
 contaminated blood to be kept out of the blood supply. 
1986 Corazon Aquino was sworn into office as president of 
 the Philippines. Her first public declaration was to restore 
 the civil rights of the citizens of her country. 
1987 The U.S. government reported that the median price for a 
 new home had gone over $100,000 for the first time. 
1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations all 
 agreed to ban all production of CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) by 
 the end of the 20th century. 
1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev was 
 killed by a gunman in Moscow. 
1995 Nick Leeson was arrested for his role in the collapse 
 of Britain's Barings Bank. 
1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated 
 that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source 
 of interior heat. 
2000 In Great Britain, Chile's former President Augusto Pinochet 
 Ugarte was freed from house arrest and allowed to return to Chile. 
 Britain's Home Secretary Jack Straw had concluded that Pinochet 
 was mentally and physically unable to stand trial. Belgium, France, 
 Spain and Switzerland had sought the former Chilean leader on 
 human-rights violations. 
2003 Over the Sea of Japan, there was a confrontation between four 
 armed North Korean fighter jets and a U.S. RC-135S Cobra Ball. 
 No shots were fired in the encounter in international airspace 
 about 150 miles off North Korea's coast. The U.S. Air Force 
 announced that it would resume reconnaissance flights on March 12. 
2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had discovered 
 evidence that water had existed on Mars in the past. 
2015  smiled.


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How to make your own business cards 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 1

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to  
Hawaiian crooks who were arrested for stealing donations jar
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the 
 manufacturing the first practical typewriter. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. --- Steve Martin (1945 - ) ______________________________________________________ I asked Mom if I was a gifted child... she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me. ______________________________________________________ Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Jeffrey Kleinschmidt, 57, Kristin Johnson, 45, Pahoa Hawaii Hawaiian crooks arrested for stealing donations jar A man and woman were arrested by Hawaii police on Wednesday after video surveillance allegedly showed them stealing a jar of donations for a young girl fighting for her life. The footage shows Jeffrey Kleinschmidt, 57, and Kristin Johnson, 45, inside a Big Island smoke shop on Monday. Kleinschmidt can allegedly be seen removing the donation jar from a countertop and shoving it into his pants when an employee turns away. The shop's manager, Jose Miranda, said he set up the jar in an effort to raise money for Madisyn Tamaki, an 8-year-old who is in desperate need of a heart transplant. The couple was taken into custody after being recognized at another Big Island smoke shop. Miranda was able to pick them out of a line-up on Wednesday afternoon. According to local news outlet KITV, Kleinschmidt was charged with theft following the pair's arrest. According to Hawaii News Now, police records indicate that he has 31 prior offenses. Johnson, however, has been released pending further investigation. Miranda said the best thing to come out of the situation was an outpouring of community support for Tamaki. "People calling us wanting to replace the money that was taken. A few people called saying they wanted to donate double what was taken. It just was unreal the support that's flowing from this situation for her," he told Hawaii News Now. Tamaki was recently transported to Seattle Children's Hospital where she awaits a heart transplant. She is in critical but stable condition.4______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Alfred Re: Business cards Dear Webby, How good are do-it-yourself business cards? And how do I make them? Alfred Dear Alfred Today's do-it-yourself business cards are every bit as good as those from print shops. You can get the blanks at Staples and similar office product stores. Then go to http://avery.com/print and either select one of their thousands of pre-made templates or select ablank one, and paste your pre-made picture into it. Selecting your perfect template is the big challenge. Lots of them are good, some are great. Once you have selected one and typed in your info, select print. Make sure you don't have printing set to "fit to page". That would ruin their formatting. Take that checkmark off, and let it rip. Afterward you just have to break the cards along the perforations. I found that works best with about 5 sheets at a time. Done! Then you just have to find or make a box to keep them in. Staples will donate a folded up business card box with their logos and ads printed all over it. They work very well for me. If you don't want their ads on it, use it as a termplate and make your own box. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A fellow who's just reached his 150th birthday was giving a press conference to the assembled media. "Excuse me, sir," one of the reporters said, "but how did you come to live to 150? "It's actually quite simple," the old fellow replied. "I just never argue." "That's impossible," the reporter responded. "There must be something else, like diet, or meditation, or something. Just not arguing won't keep you alive for 150 years!" The old fellow shrugged his shoulders and said: "Hmmm, could be you're right." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Damp Cloth Keeps Cutting Board from Slipping In order to keep the cutting board from sliding around while slicing potatoes, put a slightly damp washcloth under it. Here I am perilously close to a hundred and I didn't know this! Source: My son, Steve showed me this one. By Marty Dick [149] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Parking in the driveway after their first date, Roger leaned over and gave Linda a passionate kiss. When she responded warmly, he unzipped his fly and pulled her hand towards it. Furious, Linda opened the door and jumped out of the car. "I've got just two words for you," she screamed. "Drop dead!" And I've got just two words for you," Roger screamed back. "Let go!" _____________________________________________________ At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately she began flattering him outrageously. The guy liked the young lady, but was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent pitch. He was amazed when after 30 minutes she seriously proposed marriage. "Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other." "You're wrong," she smiled. "For the past 5 years I've been working in the back of the bank where you have your account. I know all I need to know about you." _____________________________________________________
She's got you......

Today in 
1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his 
 way to India. 
1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 
 Huguenots. The event started the First War of Religion. 
1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, 
 the Salem witch trials began. Four women were the first 
 to be charged. 
1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first 
 cooking school. 
1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman, 
 Lars August Mannerheim. 
1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of 
 the Mameluke dynasty. 
1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. 
 He had been forced to abdicate in April of 1814.
1845 U.S. President Tyler signed the congressional resolution 
 to annex the Republic of Texas. 
1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy. 
1864 Louis Ducos de Hauron patented a machine for taking 
 and projecting motion pictures. The machine was never built. 
1869 Postage stamps with scenes were issued for the first time. 
1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of Yellowstone 
 National Park. It was the world's first national park. 
1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the 
 manufacturing the first practical typewriter. 
1879 The library of Hawaii was established. 
1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the forces 
 of Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. 
 The Italians were defeated. 
1900 In South Africa, Ladysmith was relieved by British troops
 after being under siege by the Boers for more than four months.
1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews 
 left due to evacuations. 
1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages. 
1907 In New York, the Salvation Army opened an anti-suicide 
 bureau. 
1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump 
 from a moving airplane. 
1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank. 
1932 The 22-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh 
 was kidnapped. The child was found dead in May. 
1937 U.S. Steel raised workers’ wages to $5 a day. 
1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile license 
 plates were issued. 
1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station W47NV 
 began operations. 
1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the 
 Tripartite Pact. 
1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations. 
1949 Joe Louis announced that he was retiring from boxing 
 as world heavyweight boxing champion. 
1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic 
 secrets to the Soviet Union. 
1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a 
 hydrogen bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. 
1954 Five U.S. congressmen were wounded when four Puerto Rican 
 nationalists opened fire from the gallery of the U.S. House 
 of Representatives. 
1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile. 
1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President Kennedy. 
1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. 
 It was the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the surface 
 of another planet. 
1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese 
 technicians to leave the country. 
1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of 
 the U.S. Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group 
 protesting the Vietnam War claimed responsibility. 
1974 Seven people were indicted in connection with the 
 Watergate break-in. 1984 The U.S.S.R. performed a nuclear 
 test at Eastern Kazakhstan, Semipalatinsk, U.S.S.R. 
1987 S&H Green Stamps became S&H Green Seals. The stamps 
 were introduced 90 years earlier. 
1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic 
 riots between Armenians and Azerbaijanis. 
1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council 
 imposed a curfew on minors. 
1990 In Cairo, 16 people were killed in a fire at the 
 Sheraton Hotel. 
1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a 
 majority of the Moslem and Croatian communities voted in 
 favor of Bosnia's independence. 
1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political 
 reforms that ceded some powers after 10 years of 
 disciplined rule. 
1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from Yugoslavia. 
1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of 
 food stamp recipients had reached a record number of 26.6 million. 
1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort to 
 placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre. 
1995 The European Parliament rejected legislation that would
 have allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life forms. 
1995 Yahoo! was incorporated. 
1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four 
 other bombs went off in the capital. 
1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by 
 Hutu rebels. 
2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied 
forces were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters. 
2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22 
 different organizations around the government became part 
 of the Department of Homeland Security. This completed the 
 largest government reorganization since the beginning of 
 the Cold War. 
2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani 
 agents near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind 
 behind the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001.
02015  smiled.


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Turn pictures into wallpaper 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, February 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an 
Iowa mother, who kicked daughter while drunk 
on hand sanitizer
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn 
 arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California 
 had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4 
 months and 21 days. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. --- A. J. Liebling (1904 - 1963) ______________________________________________________ A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size. "Murphy," he asked, "How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?" "Twenty" said Murphy. So the fellow bought the twenty rolls of paper and did the job. It looked wonderful, but he had 12 rolls of wallpaper left over. "Murphy," he said. "I bought twenty rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 12 left over!" "Dat's funny," said Murphy. "So did I." ______________________________________________________ Miss Prissy was going over Melvin's records with his anxious parents. On one page was the statement, "Melvin used fowl language today." Mr. Messpot, hoping to put the teacher in a bad light, snickered, "Ha! You spelled foul wrong." Miss Prussy corrected, "No, I meant F-O-W-L. Your child called me a 'dumb cluck' ." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Jennifer Jane Olney, 48, Des Moines, Iowa Kicked Daughter While Drunk On Hand Sanitizer A mother in West Des Moines, Iowa, is facing child endangerment charges after allegedly kicking her daughter while drunk on hand sanitizer. Jennifer Jane Olney, 48, was arrested Tuesday after officers responded to a report of medication and alcohol hand sanitizer overdose at her residence, KCCI.com reports. Police said Olney's speech was slurred and she was acting aggressively. Witnesses told the responding officers that Olney had been behaving erratically and threatened to take all of her medications at once. She allegedly called her daughter's elementary school to scream at employees, according to the Des Moines Register. Olney's mental state was such that her father went in her place to pick up the girl at school. After talking with Olney, officers gave her two choices: Turn her daughter over to the Iowa Department of Human Services, or check herself into a hospital for treatment, according to the New York Daily News. After much crying and yelling, Olney agreed to seek help. She then got off the couch and allegedly kicked her daughter in the leg, which caused the girl to burst into tears. When officers went to arrest Olney, she allegedly fought back by kicking and screaming, the Des Moines Register reports. Olney was charged with child endangerment and interference with official acts inflicting bodily injury. She’s being held at the Polk County Jail on $3,000 bond. The daughter was left in her grandfather’s care, according to the Associated Press. 4______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Puzzled Pat Re: turn pictures into wallpaper Dear Webby, Some of your pictures are very nice, and would look nice as wallpaper on my home page. When I right click on the icture, I do not wee options to SAVE AS WALLPAPER. Can you tell me step-by-step how to save the picture, and then use it as wallpaper on my computer? I would be grateful if you could. Signed, Puzzled Dear Puzzled Pat Most browsers have lost that ability. With Chrome you can get an extension to do that. Desktop Wallpaper Tool With that you can turn your own, saved images into wallpaper, or anything you can sang on the web. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear that word one more time, I'll quit!" Everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the roads and sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your own wife fell three times this week already, and your daughter fell twice!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Damp Cloth Keeps Cutting Board from Slipping In order to keep the cutting board from sliding around while slicing potatoes, put a slightly damp washcloth under it. Here I am perilously close to a hundred and I didn't know this! Source: My son, Steve showed me this one. By Marty Dick [149] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Son: Why is Father singing to the baby so much tonight? Mother: He is trying to sing her asleep. Son: Well, If I were her, I'd pretend I was asleep. _____________________________________________________ A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope you don't mind Johnny being in there." "No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet shortly. It sounds like he found the poisons." _____________________________________________________
She's got you......

Today in 
1844 Several people were killed aboard the USS Princeton 
 when a 12-inch gun exploded. 
1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn 
 arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS California 
 had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4 
 months and 21 days. 
1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50 
 slavery opponents began the new political group. 
1885 AT&T (American Telephone and Telegraph) was incorporated. 
 The company was capitalized on only $100,000 and provided long 
 distance service for American Bell. 
1893 Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum. 
1911 Thomas A. Edison, Inc. was organized. 
1951 A Senate committee issued a report that stated that there 
 were at least two major crime syndicates in the U.S. 
 House and Senate?
1953 In a Cambridge University laboratory, scientists James D. 
 Watson and Francis H.C. Crick discovered the double-helix 
 structure of DNA. 
1956 A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory core. 
1983 "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program in 
 history when the final episode aired. 
1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated in 
 Stockholm.
1993 U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed 
 religious cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest 
 the leader of the Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on federal 
 firearms charges. Four agents and six Davidians were killed 
 and a 51-day standoff followed. 
1994 NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16 
 fighters shot down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation 
 of a no-fly zone over central Bosnia. 
1995 The Denver International Airport opened after a 
 16-month delay. 
1998 Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out 
 "terrorist gangs" in the Yugoslav province of Kosovo. 
2001 The Northwest region of the U.S., including the state of 
 Washington, was hit by an earthquake that measured 6.9 on 
 the Richter Scale. There were no deaths reported. 
2002 In Ahmadabad, India, Hindus set fire to homes in a 
 Muslim neighborhood. At least 55 people were killed in 
 the attack. 
2002 Sotheby's auction house announced that it had identified 
 Peter Paul Reubens as the creator of the painting "The Massacre 
 of the Innocents." The painting was previously thought to be by 
 Jan van den Hoecke. 
2013 Benedict XVI resigned as pope. He was the first pope to 
 resign since Gregory XII in 1415 and the first to resign 
 voluntarily since Celestine V in 1294. 
2015  smiled.


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Is PC-Decrapifier safe? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, February 27
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an 
Indecency Charge Filed Against Oregon 
Library Cam Girl
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1922 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the 19th Amendment that 
 guaranteed women the right to vote. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving. --- Russell Green ______________________________________________________ > From Daniel There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard of people having Guts or having Balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions: GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?' BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.' I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically, speaking there is no difference in the outcome. Both are fatal! ______________________________________________________ A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. When he finally gets home, he starts tiptoeing up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs, he falls over backwards. An empty pint bottle in his back pocket broke, and carved up his buttocks. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror and noticed the injury. He repaired the damage as well as he could under the circumstances and went to bed. The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom. "Well, you really tied one on last night," she said. "Where'd you go?" "I worked late," he said, "and I stopped off for a couple of beers." "A couple of beers? That's a laugh," she replied. "You got plastered !" "What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?" he asked. "Well," she replied, "my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of Band-Aids stuck to the mirror." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Extreme zoom
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Kendra Sunderland, 19, Corvallis, Oregon Indecency Charge Filed Against Library Cam Girl Prosecutors have filed a public indecency charge against the former Oregon State University student who last month filmed an X-rated webcam show inside the school’s main library, according to court records. Kendra Sunderland, 19, was named last week in a misdemeanor criminal information filed in Circuit Court in Benton County. The February 17 charging document alleges that Sunderland, a Corvallis resident, “did and with the intent of arousing the sexual desire of defendant or another person, expose her genitals” while inside the university’s Valley Library. Investigators allege that Sunderland’s lewd performance occurred on the evening of January 27 while she was seated at a desk on the library’s sixth floor. During her 31-minute webcam performance, Sunderland is seen exposing her breasts and vagina, masturbating, and licking herself. While doing this, she took typed directions from someone watching the action live online. Sunderland apparently used the library’s wi-fi connection to broadcast the webcam performance via her laptop. While Sunderland has attended Oregon State, she is not currently registered for classes. Sunderland is scheduled to be arraigned Thursday on the indecency charge, which carries a maximum one-year prison term and a $6250 fine. After the teenager enters a plea, a judge will set a status conference date, according to a court clerk. Sunderland has embraced the notoriety stemming from her illicit library antics. While continuing her webcam business, she has posed for Playboy, signed a deal to front for a sugar daddy web site, and done radio and TV interviews. Her Twitter account--which now has more than 74,000 followers--features a steady stream of racy photos and career updates (most of which include the hashtag “#LibraryGirl”). In a message yesterday, Sunderland reported, “Holy shit! I'm the 56th most popular pornstar on @Pornhub.” The arrest related publicity definitely propelled her career towards stardom. 4______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Punk Re: Highlight disappears? Dear Webby, Hope you are enjoying the time with your Dad. Glad both of you are able to visit and enjoy each other. I am curious about the following.... http://www.pcdecrapifier.com/download In reading their disclaimer they take no responsibility for anything. I did not purchase my PC off the shelf, I had it built with limited programs and have downloaded only McAfee and Mailwasher, MalwareBytes per your encouragement and recommendations. Do I need or should I download pcdecrapifier and if so is it truly safe? Be safe heading back Peace Frank Dear Frank Yes, it is quite safe. However, if you don't have crap on your machine, then you don't need it. The disclaimer is just for those, who use it to delete Windows or something, that they might still need. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Rust Rings To keep the unsightly 'rust rings' off your bath tub, put some clear nail polish on the bottom of your shaving cream container. By CDC from FL ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ During a phone conversation, my niece mentioned that she was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," she replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester." _____________________________________________________ > From Max The other night I was waiting for a date getting ready to go out. She sat there and put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner, blush and lipstick and all kinds of stuff I don't even know the names of, then turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?" _____________________________________________________
Really Cool Pictures

Today in 
1700 The Pacific Island of New Britain was discovered. 
1827 New Orleans held its first Mardi Gras celebration. 
1861 In Warsaw, Russian troops fired on a crowd protesting 
 Russian rule over Poland. Five protesting marchers were 
 killed in the incident. 
1867 Dr. William G. Bonwill invented the dental mallet. 
1883 Oscar Hammerstein patented the first cigar-rolling 
 machine. 
1896 The "Charlotte Observer" published a picture of an X-ray 
 photograph made by Dr. H.L. Smith. The photograph showed a 
 perfect picture of all the bones of a hand and a bullet 
 that Smith had placed between the third and fourth fingers 
 in the palm. 
1900 In South Africa, the British received an unconditional 
 surrender from Boer Gen. Piet Cronje at Paardeberg. 
1922 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the 19th Amendment that 
 guaranteed women the right to vote. 
1933 The Reichstag, Germany's parliament building in Berlin, 
 was set afire. The Nazis accused Communist for the fire. 
1949 Chaim Weizmann became the first Israeli president. 
1951 The 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified, 
 limiting U.S. Presidents to two terms. 
1973 The American Indian Movement occupied Wouned Knee in 
 South Dakota. 
1981 Chrysler Corporation was granted an additional $400 million 
 in federal loan guarantees. Chrysler had posted a loss of 
 $1.7 billion in 1980. 
1982 Wayne B. Williams was convicted of murdering two of the 
 28 black children and young adults whose bodies were found in 
 Atlanta, GA, over a two-year period. 
1990 The Exxon Corporation and Exxon Shipping were indicted 
 on five criminal counts in reference to the 1989 Exxon Valdez 
 oil spill. 
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush announced live on television 
 that "Kuwait is liberated." 
1997 In Ireland, divorce became legal. 
1998 Britain's House of Lords agreed to give a monarch's 
 first-born daughter the same claim to the throne as any 
 first-born son. This was the end to 1,000 years of male 
 preference. 
2002 In Boston, twenty people working at Logan International Airport 
were charged with lying to get their jobs or security badges. 
2015  smiled.


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What to do when the Highlight disappears 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, February 26

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Bank Robber Michael Cassano 
Arrested After he 
Stopped For Coffee
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1907 The U.S. Congress raised their own pay to $7500.
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950), We are the people our parents warned us about. --- Jimmy Buffett ______________________________________________________ A Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Columbia." The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well, uhhh, ok, but don't let me catch you speeding again." ______________________________________________________ The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. "As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yes, Sir, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, if you look at that stained glass window on the chapel over there, even in the Garden of Eden some things were always covered with leaves. " ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sr Anna for this picture: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Michael Cassano, 38, Oakland Gardens, New York Bank Robber Michael Cassano Arrested After he Stopped For Coffee Police arrested a man suspected of robbing a bank in New Jersey after they say he stopped for a cup of coffee a block away. Police say a man wearing a fedora hat approached a teller at the Hudson City Savings Bank in Lodi on Monday, placed a BB-gun on the counter and demanded money. The man fled with $4,000. Maywood Police Chief David Pegg tells The Record newspaper an officer spotted a man matching the description of the suspect near the entrance of a Dunkin Donuts drinking coffee. Pegg says after talking to 38-year-old Michael Cassano, officers discovered the gun and the cash. The Oakland Gardens, New York, resident is charged with robbery and two weapons offenses. 4______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Punk Re: Highlight disappears? Dear Webby, Just in the last few days I have had a problem. When I highlight something and then right click to copy, the highlight disappears. Today, I tied to highlight the de-craper website on your page. I can highlight, but when I right clicked to hit copy, the highlight disappeared. Thus, no copying. I haven't intentionally changed any setting. Thanks, Punk Dear Punk That is actually a fairly common complaint. On some web sites, where they have non-standard HTML, the problem is much worse than on sites with standard HTML. Any slight vibration of the ground or your table makes it worse. Luckily, there is a way around it. Click on the start of what you want to copy, hold down SHIFT move the cursor to the end of what you want to copy with the arrow keys, when the stuff you want to copy is all highlighted, hold down CTRL and hit C to copy it. ALT-TAB to the program you used previously, put the cursor where you want to insert the copied stuff Hold down CTRL and hit V to paste. This method does not cure the Alzheimers of your house foundation or of your table, but makes you totally independent of it. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chandelier Makeover We just moved into our house that we have been renting out for several years and I noticed a few things are outdated. I hated the 70's era chandelier over the dining room table because of the smoked glass. I thought of replacing it with clear, textured stained glass to get more light. I was told what I wanted would cost about $400. For this much, I could replace most of the fixtures in the whole house! We do not have the budget right now to do this. As we were replacing broken acrylic panels over the florescent lights in the basement, I got an idea. I bought a 2 x 2 foot acrylic panel and cut it with a utility knife to the size of the smoked glass pieces. I drilled a hole in each and hung them. You can see how much more light there is because the background of the picture got so much darker. It sparkles like diamonds now, too. Total cost: $3.97! By lhegs from Green Bay, WI ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Dr. Finkman completed his examination of the teenage girl and took her mother aside. "I'm afraid," he said, "that your daughter has an STD." "Oh, my!" exclaimed the embarrassed woman. "Tell me, could she possibly have caught it in a public lavatory?" "It's possible," replied the M.D., "but it would certainly have been uncomfortable." _____________________________________________________ Why do Jewish men so often become doctors? Because a doctor can order a woman to undress without guilt, he can look at her without fear of being interrupted, and on best of all, it's usually her husband that pays for it all. _____________________________________________________ German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nation-wide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig too. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber network. Scottish scientists were outraged. They dug 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. So they concluded that the ancient Scotts 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones under their kilts.. jmm
Really cool pictures.

Today in 
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. 
 He then began his second conquest of France. 
1848 The second French Republic was proclaimed. 
1870 In New York City, the first pneumatic-powered subway 
 line was opened to the public. 
1907 The U.S. Congress raised their own pay to $7500. 
1916 Mutual signed Charlie Chaplin to a film contract. 
1919 In Arizona, the Grand Canyon was established as a 
 National Park with an act of the U.S. Congress. 
1929 U.S. President Coolidge signed a bill creating the 
 Grand Teton National Park. 
1930 New York City installed traffic lights. 
1933 A ground-breaking ceremony was held at Crissy Field 
 for the Golden Gate Bridge. 
1945 In the U.S., a nationwide midnight curfew went into 
 effect. 
1952 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announced 
 that Britain had developed an atomic bomb. 
1986 Corazon Aquino was inaugurated president of the 
 Philippines. Long time President Ferdinand Marcos went 
 into exile. 
1987 The U.S.S.R. conducted its first nuclear weapons test 
 after a 19-month moratorium period. 
1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced on Baghdad Radio 
 that Iraqi troops were being withdrawn from Kuwait. 
1993 Six people were killed and more than a thousand injured 
 when a van exploded in the parking garage beneath the World 
 Trade Center in New York City. The bomb had been built by 
 Islamic extremists. 
1995 Barings PLC collapsed after a securities dealer lost more 
 than $1.4 billion by gambling on Tokyo stock prices. The company 
 was Britain's oldest investment banking firm. 
1998 A Texas jury rejected an $11 million lawsuit by Texas 
 cattlemen who blamed Oprah Winfrey for price drop after on-air 
 comment about mad-cow disease. 
1998 In Oregon, a health panel rules that taxpayers must help 
 to pay for doctor-assisted suicides. 
2009 Former Serbian president Milan Milutinovic was acquitted 
 by the International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia 
 regarding war crimes during the Kosovo War. 
2009 The Pentagon reveresed its 18-year policy of not allowing 
 media to cover returning war dead. The reversal allowed some 
 media coverage with family approval.
2015  smiled.


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Decrapifier 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, February 25

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a 
Masked Gunman in Virginia, whose plan was foiled 
by the second amendment, all while on
the surveillance camera 
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1836 Samuel Colt received U.S. Patent No. 138 (later 9430X) 
 for a "revolving-cylinder pistol." 
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Example has more followers than reason. --- Christian Bohe ______________________________________________________ Here is a cute and clean Classic: Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail. Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail." ______________________________________________________ The Teacher asked Little Johnny, "How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?" Little Johnny replied, "Just Don't bite any." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Terry Gillenwater, 25, Pinch, West Virginia Masked Gunman’s Plan Foiled by the Second Amendment — and the Surveillance Camera Caught It All When a man wearing a bandanna over his face walked into a Pinch, West Virginia, pharmacy on Wednesday, a surveillance camera was rolling and Don Radcliff apparently tried using humor at first to diffuse the situation. The pharmacist tried to “feel the guy out” by joking with him, Good Family Pharmacy employee Chris Monk told the Charleston Gazette. “Are you here to rob me?” Monk recalled Radcliff asking as he pointed at the man. It was clearly no joke to the guy behind the makeshift mask, who then pulled out a gun. But Radcliff had a gun under his white pharmacy coat that he’d already been reaching for — and he used it, firing three times at the man, the Gazette reported. Radcliff’s first shot hit the suspect’s chest. The second shot hit the man’s gun, which jammed it. The third shot struck his midsection, the Gazette reported. A pharmacy employee told the Gazette that the man was attempting to shoot back during the few seconds the confrontation lasted. After Radcliff stopped firing, he and a pharmacy intern attempted to give the gunman first aid. Pharmacy employees told the Gazette that Radcliff asked, “Why did you make me do this?” and also said, “I didn’t mean to do this.” The man later died of his wounds, the paper said. The pharmacy didn’t close after the incident, the Gazette noted, adding that employees swept up glass from a broken window and then began attending to customers again. Pharmacy owner Joe Good — who was headed to his business when the shooting happened — took over for a broken-up Radcliff for the remainder of the day, the paper said Terry Gillenwater, 25, was pronounced dead at a hospital Wednesday, Kanawha County Sheriff’s Corporal Brian Humphreys told the Gazette in a follow-up article. No charges will be filed against Radcliff, Sergeant Sean Snuffer of the sheriff’s department told the Gazette; but final approval on that matter rests with the county prosecuting attorney, the paper added. Gillenwater “had a drug problem” and plead guilty in December 2014 to a charge of conspiracy to distribute oxycodone. Following his plea, he was placed in a deferment program. 4
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: What is the name of that program? Dear Webby, A few weeks ago you mentioned a program that deleted the built-in trial programs from new computers. I just got a new computer and it is LOADED with junk. Programs pop up over my firefox tabs. So frustrating. I can't get anything done. Can you send me the name of your recommendation? Thank you, Your loyal subscriber from forever, Jim C DearJim Try Decrapifier http://www.pcdecrapifier.com/download Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rubber Band To Tighten Paper Towel Holder My room mate is in a scooter. When she set up the paper towel roll on the door, she probably didn't expect to have the roll fall off the spindle arms when she pulled on it. This simple rubber band made the arms come in tighter so this doesn't happen. Even if you have one that is under the counter, this works. Just slide it over one end, then around the roll (it will close the arms if you try and do it before the roll is installed), and around the other end. By Sandi/Poor But Proud [418] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Marietta phones up her husband at work for a chat. HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today." HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news." HER "Well, the air bag works." _____________________________________________________ Brian and Pete were talking about premarital sex and Brian says to Pete: "I never slept with my wife before marriage. Did you? " Pete replies: "I don't know, what was her maiden name?" _____________________________________________________ Don't tell this one in church: Two Greek virgins get married and go on their honeymoon. However, they have no idea what there supposed to do once they get to their hotel room. The newlyweds decide to call his mother and get some advice on what to do. The mother says that they should sit on the bed together and snuggle with each other and things should start to happen from there. The newlyweds start to do this but nothing else happens. He calls his mother back to find out what to do next. She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers in bed, and nature should takes its course. The bride and groom take his mother's advice but still nothing. He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation she says, "Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest thing!" and hangs up on him. A few minutes later he reluctantly calls his mother back, "Well, I have my nose in her armpit. What do I do next?"
Really cool pictures.

Today in 
1570 England's Queen Elizabeth I was excommunicated by 
 Pope Pius V. 
1751 Edward Willet displayed the first trained monkey 
 act in the U.S. 
1836 Samuel Colt received U.S. Patent No. 138 (later 9430X) 
 for a "revolving-cylinder pistol." 
1901 The United States Steel Corp. was incorporated by 
 J.P. Morgan. 
1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was 
 ratified. It authorized a graduated (Marxist) income tax. 
1919 The state of Oregon became the first state to place a 
 tax on gasoline. The tax was 1 cent per gallon. 
1930 The bank check photographing device was patented. 
1933 The aircraft carrier Ranger was launched. It was the 
 first ship in the U.S. Navy to be designed and built from 
 the keel up as an aircraft carrier. 
1940 The New York Rangers and the Montreal Canadiens played 
 in the first hockey game to be televised in the U.S. The 
 game was aired on W2WBS in New York with one camera in a 
 fixed position. The Rangers beat the Canadiens 6-2. 
1948 Communists seized power in Czechoslovakia. 
1956 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev criticized the late 
 Josef Stalin in a speech before a Communist Party congress 
 in Moscow. 
1972 Germany gave a $5 million ransom to Arab terrorist
  who had hijacked a jumbo jet. 
1986 Filippino President Ferdinand E. Marcos fled the 
 Philippines after 20 years of rule after a tainted 
 election. 
1999 William King was sentenced to death for the racial 
 murder of James Byrd Jr in Jasper, TX. Two other men 
 charged were later convicted for their involvement. 
2000 In Albany, NY, a jury acquitted four New York City 
 police officers of second-degree murder and lesser charges 
 in the February 1999 shooting death of Amadou Diallo. 
2005 Dennis Rader was arrested for the BTK serial killings 
 in Wichita, KS. He later pleaded guilty and was sentenced 
 to 10 life prison terms.
2015  smiled.


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Weatherbug 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, February 24

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh
school counsellor, who assaulted a teacher in a gym
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
2008 Cuba's parliament named Raul Castro president. His brother 
 Fidel had ruled for nearly 50 years.
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny wasn't a very good at speller. One day, during a spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After thinking a few seconds, Johnny said, "Canoe?" ______________________________________________________ A flight attendant on a United Air Lines cross-country flight nervously announced: about 30 minutes outbound from LA, "I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners." When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight." Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available, but we are now completely out of booze." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Travis Mims, 27, Holly Hill Florida Woman was slammed to floor by 6' 2", 260-pound school advisor Video of the assault A hulking school advisor was arrested yesterday for aggravated battery after he slammed a female teacher to the ground head-first during a pick-up basketball game, an assault that was recorded by a surveillance camera in the Florida elementary school’s gymnasium. During a two-on-two game Tuesday evening at Holly Hill School, Travis Mims, 27, assaulted Katherine Martin, a 33-year-old special education teacher, police allege. Mims, who is 6’ 2” and weighs 260 pounds, “picked up Ms. Martin’s body, turned her upside down, and maliciously threw her body onto the floor,” according to a charging affidavit that neatly summarizes what is seen on the above video released by police. Martin, who was teamed up with a student, was playing against Mims and another pupil. Martin told cops that during the game Mims was becoming increasingly aggressive, and that “there was an exchange of words between” her and Mims “concerning fouling.” “Then all of a sudden Mims violently picked up Ms. Martin by her waist, turned her body around, and slammed her head-first to the ground,” reported cops, who added that the teacher’s “head struck the ground first, then other parts of her body and sustained injury.” Martin subsequently drove herself to the hospital for treatment of injuries that police described as “substantial” and “serious and permanent.” During police questioning yesterday, Mims said that Martin kept complaining that he was fouling her, adding that she “pushed his face with her hands.” While Mims “admitted he picked up Ms. Martin and slammed her body onto the ground,” he “stated he was not angry at her but did not like when Ms. Martin pushed his face with her hands.” The video shows that Ms Martin was definitely retreating and trying to get away from Mims, who, on the video, clearly seems to have been persecuting and chasing her, instead of playing basketball. It took several adults to get Mims away from here, after she lay injured on the floor. Mims, whose occupation is listed by cops as “campus advisor,” was arrested last night on a felony battery charge and booked into the Volusia County jail, where the above mug shot was taken. He was later released after posting $2500 bond. The school fired Mims after talking to witnesses and watching the surveillance video. 4
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cleta Re: WeatherBug Dear Webby, I had to have my computer worked on. since I got it back it does not have the weather bug on my task bar. It always showed the right temp on the task bar. When we were going to get different weather ( like snow or rain or high winds) the bug on my task bar would change color. I do hope you can help me get my weather bug back on my task bar. Thanks Cleta Dear Cleta That weather bug is considered a security problem. Just like the cute round clock gadget, it in itself is not a problem, but it can facilitate bad stuff sneaking in. That is probably why the computer repair place dumped it. Also, some anti-malware programs consider it bad news. However, if you insist on it, it is at http://weather.weatherbug.com/weatherbug-apps.html When using stuff like that, it is that much more important to frequently check for malware with MalwareBytes, not just McAfee. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sweet Cornbread http://www.thriftyfun.com/Sweet-Cornbread.html ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of s*x education with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's propensity for sexual innuendo. But Johnny remains attentive throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the lesson, the teacher asks for examples of s*x education from the class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her nest with some eggs." "Very good, William," cooed the teacher. "My mommy had a baby," said little Esther. "Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. Finally, little Johnny raises his hand. With much fear and trepidation, the teacher calls on him. "I was watchin' TV yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger. He was surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of Indians. And they all attacked at one time. And he killed every one of them with his two guns." The teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to do with sex education, Johnny?" It'll teach them Indians not to f*ck with the Lone Ranger."
Incredible Scrap Metal Animal Sculptures

Today in 
1803 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled itself to be the final 
 interpreter of all constitutional issues. 
1839 Mr. William S. Otis received a patent for the steam shovel. 
1868 The U.S. House of Representatives impeached President 
 Andrew Johnson due to his attempt to dismiss Secretary of War 
 Edwin M. Stanton. The U.S. Senate later acquitted Johnson. 
1886 Thomas Edison and Mina Miller were married. 
1903 In Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, an area was leased to the U.S. 
 for a naval base. 
1925 A thermit was used for the first time. It was used to 
 break up a 250,000-ton ice jam that had clogged the St. Lawrence 
 River near Waddington, NY. 
1938 The first nylon bristle toothbrush was made. It was the first 
 time that nylon yarn had been used commercially. 
1942 The U.S. Government stopped shipments of all 12-gauge shotguns 
 for sporting use for the wartime effort. 
1945 During World War II, the Philippine capital of Manilla, was 
 liberated by U.S. soldiers. 
1946 Juan Peron was elected president of Argentina. 
1956 The city of Cleveland invoked a 1931 law that barred people 
 under the age of 18 from dancing in public without an 
 adult guardian. 
1980 NBC premiered the TV movie "Harper Valley P.T.A." 
1981 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Britain's 
 Prince Charles to Lady Diana Spencer. 
1983 A U.S.congressional commission released a report that condemned 
 the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II. 
1987 An exploding supernova was discovered in the Large Magellanic 
 Cloud galaxy. 
1988 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned a $200,000 award to Rev. 
 Jerry Falwell that had been won against "Hustler" magazine. The 
 ruling expanded legal protections for parody and satire. 
1989 Iran’s Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini sentenced Salman Rushdie 
 to death for his novel "The Satanic Verses". A bounty of one to 
 three-million-dollars was also put on Rushidie's head. 
1989 A United Airlines 747 jet rips open in flight killing 9 people. 
 The flight was from Honolulu to New Zealand. 
1997 The U.S. The Food and Drug Administration named six brands of 
 birth control as safe and effective "morning-after" pills for 
 preventing pregnancy. 
1999 In southeast China, a domestic airliner crashed killing all 
 64 passengers. 
2008 Cuba's parliament named Raul Castro president. His brother 
 Fidel had ruled for nearly 50 years.
2015  smiled.


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Catching mice 
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Please vote forOphelia Dingbatter! Subscribe
Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, February 24

Enjoy!

Please vote for me at the EzineFinder
Ophelia Dingbatter Thanks for voting for me! Enjoy! Ophelia The teacher was telling the kids about the birds and the bees. She explained that when a man and a woman meet and fall in love, nine months later, the stork usually brings them a little baby from its nest. Little Johnny — at the back of the class — put his hand up and asks the teacher, "Are you sure about the stork, miss? I think you’re getting your birds mixed up.My big sister just got a little baby and she said it came from a black pecker at the beach!"
Did you hear about the man who never worried about his marriage until he moved from New York to California and discovered that he still had the same postman ?
A husband and wife were screwing up a storm. Afterward, the husband headed to the bathroom to clean up. He was halfway down the hall when his 6-year-old son also stepped into the hallway and was shocked to see his old man standing there wearing nothing more than a condom. The boy pointed at his father's penis and asked, "Dad, what are you doing?" The father, not wanting to explain sex or birth control, started with a bullshit story. "Son, I'm trying to catch a mouse." The boy, still in shock, asked, "What are ya gonna do when ya catch it ... screw it?"

A woman was driving along, and her car broke down. She decided to hitchhike to the nearest gas station. A truck driver hauling a load of chickens pulled up. The driver asked, "Hey, little lady, need a lift?" "Yes, my car broke down, and I need a ride to the nearest gas station." The driver replied, "OK, but first you have to fuck me! No fuck, no ride." She said, "I'm sorry, I don't need a ride that badly." So the driver pulled away. All this time, the driver had a parrot on his shoulder. The parrot started saying, "No fuck, no ride! No fuck, no ride!" The driver said, "You had better shut up, bird, or I'm gonna throw you in back with the chickens!" About two miles down the road, the parrot said, "No fuck, no ride!" So the driver slammed on the breaks and threw him in back with the chickens! About 2 more miles further down the road, the driver heard sirens and saw flashing lights, so he pulled over. He got out of the truck and approached the officer. "What's the problem, officer. I wasn't speeding was I?" The officer said, "I wasn't pulling you over for speeding. I just wanted to inform you that you have a parrot throwing chickens out the trailer screaming, "No fuck, no ride! No fuck, no ride!" ===========================================================
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Click to subscribe to the full version! If you want the large, UNcensored version, of the Calendar, send me an email. The Calendar service is available free to all subscribers of the full version, IF you send me an email. I won't send the Calendar mail unless you A) are subscribed to the full version and B) indicate, that you want it. Enjoy! Ophelia
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Envelope p[rinting in Open Office 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, February 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to two
Naked Woman Arrested For Roadway Antics
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots 
  (French Protestants)
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
That's the funny thing about havin' a kid. They come with their own set of problems; make everything else you were worried about seem kinda silly. --- Greg Garcia The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. (1841 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ A fifth generation farmer has determined that his son will be the first in their family to go to college. So he and the wife save every penny for years and when the big day comes for junior to leave for school, the old man is the proudest he's ever been. After the first semester junior comes home for Christmas break and the old man sits him down for a talk. "Well, boy, you been at school for three months now, I want you to tell me some of that fancy book learnin'." So junior says, "My favorite class is math, pa. Just last week we learned a new formula: Pi r squared." At hearing this the old man screws up his eyes and smacks his forehead, "Dog gone-it! I spent all that money on schooling and all you can tell me is Pi r squared? Why everybody know pie are round...CORNBREADS are squared!" ______________________________________________________ Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Elk Crossing under highway
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amy Carter, 31, Orlando, Florida Naked Woman Arrested For Roadway Antics After stripping off her clothes, a Florida woman walked into traffic, where she performed a lewd act before climbing atop a Lexus and jumping and stomping on the occupied vehicle’s roof and hood, cops allege. Amie Carter, 31, “appeared to be under the influence of a unknown substance," according to an Orlando Police Department report detailing her antics Sunday night. "She appeared in an altered mental state, displaying extremely irrational and volatile behavior." Responding to a 911 call about a “reported naked woman climbing on top of cars and walking in traffic,” cops found Carter attempting to mount a vehicle stopped at a traffic light. After officers wrestled an uncooperative Carter out of the roadway, they “secured her in handcuffs and covered her in a blanket.” Sarah Carlson, a passenger in the Lexus, told police that Carter approached the vehicle and “fondled herself in front of the car” before climbing on the auto. Carter then allegedly “started stomping” on the vehicle’s hood, said Carlson, who added that Carter also threw a cell phone at the car behind the Lexus. Carlson’s husband told cops that Carter left dents in his car’s roof and hood, damage he estimated at upwards of $1500. Carter, seen above, was arrested for criminal mischief and exposure of sexual organs. She was booked into the Orange County jail, where she remains locked up in lieu of $1100 bond. According to court records, Carter’s rap sheet includes prior arrests for narcotics possession, theft, resisting arrest, burglary, drunk driving, and possession of drug paraphernalia. 4______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Envelope printing in Open Office Dear Webby, thanks as always for your unfailing help! I installed Open office 4.1.1 on my new Toshiba Windows 8.1 and can't figure out where to click to print an envelope when all the information is inserted after using the 'Insert' and 'Envelope' fields. Also how can I have my return address appear as the default one, as it does in 'Word.' Walter Dear Walter Printing envelopes is rough on laser printers, so the few times a year I need envelopes nowadays, I just write them by hand. However, here is the info re envelope printing: Open Office Envelope printing To make your return address appear as the default, you would normally use a header. Usually headers are more than just a return address and include a logo or picture. You have complete control over that. If necessary, look up "Headers". Good Luck! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sweet Cornbread http://www.thriftyfun.com/Sweet-Cornbread.html ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Joe sets Jim up to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Jim is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly and scary?" says Jim, "I'll be stuck with her all night." "Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack." So that night, Jim knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: ..."Aaaaaauuuggghhh!" _____________________________________________________ Breaking Up Is Hard To Do... (especially when you share the same major!) PSYCHOLOGY Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother. SOCIOLOGY Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship. ARCHAEOLOGY One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up. THEATRE "OH! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!" BIOLOGY "You just wanted to get in my genes!" PHYSICS Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down. JOURNALISM "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..." WOMEN'S STUDIES "HE did it!" BUSINESS Both decide that they're spending way too much money together, and that it's simply cheaper to be single. HISTORY Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past. GEOGRAPHY Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other. ANATOMY "I never liked your body anyway." LAW The party of the second part, having allegedly partied with a party of the third part, is hereby given notice by the party of the first part, to henceforth vacate the premises. ECONOMICS One party demands more than the other can supply.
Dental Clinics around the world.

Today in 
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots.
1660 Charles XI became the king of Sweden.
1813 The first U.S. raw cotton-to-cloth mill was founded 
 in Waltham, MA.
1820 The Cato Street conspiracy was uncovered.
1836 In San Antonio, TX, the siege of the Alamo began.
1847 Santa Anna was defeated at the Battle of Buena Vista 
 in Mexico by U.S. troops under Gen. Zachary.
1861 U.S. President-elect Abraham Lincoln arrived secretly 
 in Washington to take his office after an assassination 
 attempt in Baltimore.
1861 Texas became the 7th state to secede from the Union.
1870 The state of Mississippi was readmitted to the Union.
1883 Alabama became the first U.S. state to enact an 
 antitrust law.
1886 Charles M. Hall completed his invention of aluminum.
1887 The French/Italian Riviera was hit by an earthquake 
 that killed about 2,000.
1896 The Tootsie Roll was introduced by Leo Hirshfield.
1898 In France, Emile Zola was imprisoned for his letter, 
 "J'accuse," which accused the government of anti-Semitism 
 and wrongly jailing Alfred Dreyfus.
1900 The Battle of Hart's Hill took place in South Africa 
 between the Boers and the British army.
1904 The U.S. acquired control of the Panama Canal Zone 
 for $10 million.
1915 Nevada began enforcing convenient divorce law.
1919 The Fascist Party was formed in Italy by Benito Mussolini.
1927 The Federal Radio Commission began assigning frequencies, 
 hours of operation and power allocations for radio 
 broadcasters. 
1940 Russian troops conquered Lasi Island.
1940 Walt Disney's animated movie "Pinocchio" was released.
1945 The 28th Regiment of the Fifth Marine Division of the 
 U.S. Marines reached the top of Mount Surabachi. 
 A photograph of these Marines raising the American 
 flag was taken.
1954 The first mass vaccination of children against 
 polio began in Pittsburgh, PA.
1963 The 24th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was 
 ratified. It prohibited poll taxes in federal elections.
1966 The Bitar government in Syria was ended with a 
 military coup.
1970 Guyana became a republic.
1974 The Symbionese Liberation Army demanded $4 million 
 more for the release of Patty Hearst. Hearst had been 
 kidnapped on February 4th.
1980 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared that Iran's 
 new parliament would have to decide the fate of the 
 hostages taken on November 4, 1979, at the U.S. 
 embassy in Tehran.
1991 During the Persian Gulf War, ground forces crossed 
 the border of Saudi Arabia into the country of Iraq. 
 Less than four days later the war was over due to the 
 surrender or withdraw of Iraqi forces.
1993 Gary Coleman won a $1,280,000 lawsuit against 
 his parents.
1998 In central Florida, tornadoes killed 42 people and 
 damaged and/or destroyed about 2,600 homes and businesses.
1999 White supremacist John William King was found guilty 
 of kidnapping and murdering James Byrd Jr. Byrd was dragged 
 behind a truck for two miles on a country road in Texas.
2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200 
 feet over an oncoming train.
2015  smiled.


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Printing envelopes in Open Office 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, February 22

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to two
boneheads, who Poured Water On Road 
To Hide New Jersey DWI Crash
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1630 Quadequine introduced popcorn to English colonists 
 at their first Thanksgiving dinner.
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Only sick music makes money today. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex. --- Aldous Huxley (1894 - 1963) ______________________________________________________ While carpenters were working outside the old house a woman had just bought, she busied myself with indoor cleaning. She had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay she looked from his muddy boots to her newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," She said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down some newspapers." "That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already house trained." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rheta for this one: Hi Webby: Heres one for you ok? A puzzled expression ran riot over Joanne's face. "An ID ten T error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again??" He gave her a grin... ;-) ... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," replied Joanne. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." (She wrote...) I D 1 0 T ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brian Byers, 20 Alexander Zambenedetti, 20, Sparta, New Jersey Poured Water On Road To Hide New Jersey DWI Crash A New Jersey man who allegedly crashed while driving drunk is also accused of making an icy patch the road in an attempt to make the accident look as if it were caused by dangerous road conditions. A friend is accused of drunkenly helping with the plan that could have put other motorists at risk, police said. Police in Sparta, New Jersey, arrested Brian Byers, 20, on Saturday, several hours after he allegedly drove through a stop sign and crashed a 2001 black BMW into a guard rail, FoxCt.com reports. After the accident, police said Byers drove the car, which was registered to a family member, to his house about a mile away. Byers allegedly went back to the accident scene with a friend, Alexander Zambenedetti, 20, and two five-gallon buckets filled with water. Police said the duo poured the water over the intersection to create a black ice slick on the road, according to NBC New York. Sparta Police officer C.J. Grauerholz discovered the accident when he saw Byers walking towards a car that was idling in the middle of the road. The officer saw Zambenedetti in the driver's seat without a shirt even though the temperature was 1 degree F. (-17 C) Zambenedetti told the officer his shirt got soaked after he fell down. The officer noted two five-gallon buckets in the car that still had some water in them, NJ.com reports. Investigators said the men intended to report the accident was because of the black ice and not because of Byers' alleged drinking. Police said the ice was so bad the Department of Public Works had to dump a half ton of salt to make the street safe, according to DailyRecord.com. Byers was charged with driving while intoxicated, careless driving, failure to stop at a stop sign, leaving the scene of an accident, failure to report an accident and disorderly conduct for creating a dangerous condition by purposely icing the intersection, police said. Zambenedetti initially denied operating the car even though he was in the driver's seat and the engine was running, according to the New Jersey Herald. Zambenedetti failed a variety of field sobriety tests and got charged with driving while intoxicated, careless driving and failure to wear a seatbelt. The two were released a few hours later to sober adults, and are due in court on Thursday. 4______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Lost W8 number Dear Webby, I purchased a window 8 in 2013, in 2014 warranty was up, didn't renew....No to long after machine acted up to go to settings to input number, number wasn't where it should have been. contacted HP and they said they could give me number for a price...sorry but I already paid for windows 8 when I purchased machine....Please any help would be appreciated if u can tell me how to fix this problem... updates can not be updated...I will never buy a HP again, this is my 6th computer never had any problem from them... first HP.. Thank you for anything u can help me with... Sharon Dear Sharon Join the club of those, who will never buy from HP ever again. I don't have your number either, quite obviously. You will have to contact Microsoft about that number. Their support is not as useless as HP's. Use Skype to call them, otherwise they will run down your phone battery. Good Luck! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Ink Stains from your Coach Purse This is so very simple. I wish I had figured this out a long time ago. I had 100's of ink stains on the inside of my Coach bags. I had never tried to get them out, until the other day. I had an alcohol swab and began to rub and rub. Eventually all, YES ALL, of the ink marks came out. I couldn't believe it. You will need a lot of alcohol swabs or just buy a bottle of rubbing alcohol and a thin cloth. You have to work at it for a little bit, but it works. Now I'm ready to sell what was once ready to throw out! I'll definitely get more money. By melissa25 [2] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
An old Jewish woman has been invited to help screen a movie for the rating it willl carry. The movie is a remake of a Roman Gladiator-type movie. In the middle of the movie is a scene where the Romans are feeding people to the lions. The little old lady hits the buzzer she's been given, which stops the movie. The attendant comes down to her chair and says, "Yes, ma'am?" "This movie should be rated 'R'," she says, "because those Jews are being fed to the lions!" The attendant says, "Ma'am, those are Christians, not Jews." "Oh..... Ok. Well, start the movie up again." A few minutes later she again presses the buzzer. The attendant comes down to her chair. "Yes ma'am?" She points to the screen. "Those lions over there... they're not eating!" _____________________________________________________ A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country outhouse, had the misfortune to fall through the opening and land in the muck at the bottom. He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs. The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens blaring as they approached the privy. "Where's the fire?" called the chief. "No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole. "But if I had yelled about what is down here, would you have rescued me?"
Dental Clinics around the world.

Today in 
1630 Quadequine introduced popcorn to English colonists 
 at their first Thanksgiving dinner.
1819 Spain ceded Florida to the United States.
1855 The U.S. Congress voted to appropriate $200,000 for 
 continuance of the work on the Washington Monument. The 
 next morning the resolution was tabled and it would be 
 21 years before the Congress would vote on funds again. 
 Work was continued by the Know-Nothing Party in charge 
 of the project.
1865 Tennessee adopted a new constitution that abolished 
 slavery.
1879 In Utica, NY, Frank W. Woolworth opened his first 
 5 and 10-cent store.
1885 The Washington Monument was officially dedicated 
 in Washington, DC. It opened to the public in 1889.
1920 The first dog race track to use an imitation rabbit 
 opened in Emeryville, CA.
1994 The U.S. Justice Department charged Aldrich Ames and 
 his wife with selling national secrets to the Soviet Union. 
 Ames was later convicted to life in prison. Ames' wife 
 received a 5-year prison term.
1997 Scottish scientist Ian Wilmut and colleagues announced 
 that an adult sheep had been successfully cloned. Dolly 
 was actually born on July 5, 1996. Dolly was the first 
 mammal to have been successfully cloned from an adult cell.
2015  smiled.


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When Windows saves pictures in the wrong format 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, February 21

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
N.J. woman,  Charged after letting teens get drunk in home
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1804 The first self-propelled locomotive on rails was 
 demonstrated in Wales. 
1842 John J. Greenough patented the sewing machine. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark. --- Dick Gregory (1932 - ) "My girlfriend always laughs during sex, -no matter what she's reading." - Steve Jobs ______________________________________________________ Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled... isn't she adorable?" Friend: "But your kid didn't smile." Father: "I was talking about the nurse." ______________________________________________________ >From Annie At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and I who had been. The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?" I said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'" Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, "She's probably right." ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tracey-Harding 50 SOUTH BRUNSWICK, N.J. N.J. woman Charged After Letting Teens Drink In Home A New Jersey mom was charged with child endangerment and suspended from her job as a first-grade teacher after an underage drinking party at her home last weekend ended with a drunken teenager being hospitalized. The 15-year-old boy's mother became concerned when she couldn't contact him Friday night, so she called the South Brunswick home where the party was being held, according to police. She spoke with 50-year-old Tracey Harding, who told the woman her son was sleeping, police said. The teen's mother grew more concerned and drove to Harding's home, calling police as she traveled. Responding officers found the 15-year-old semiresponsive and heavily intoxicated and determined several other teens there had also been drinking beer, vodka and other alcoholic beverages. The boy's blood-alcohol level was so high it could have been life threatening had his mother not gone to the home, authorities said. He was treated and released after several hours at the hospital. Authorities said Harding was aware of the teen's dire condition, but no one from the home sought medical assistance. Harding was arrested Saturday night but is free on $2,500 bail. A telephone message left for her Tuesday was not immediately returned. Harding was suspended from her teaching job at an elementary school in nearby Edison Township after school officials learned of her arrest. 4______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Fred Re: Pictures saved in wrong format Dear Webby, Quick question--- When ever I right click and save as--- to a gif- it comes up as save as a bitmap-- Whats up with that??? Im using hot mail. Fred Dear Fred That is a sign that you don't have enough free and unused memory available for Windows to do it properly, so, in order not to completely lose the file, it saves it as a BMP. Running CrapClener or rebooting usually restores enough free memory so that it will again save pictures properly. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Photophore Solid gel air fresheners usually have a quite nice floral or geometrical pattern under the plastic film you have to pull off. Once it has dried out, instead of throwing it away, open it (you just have to slide anything flat around the top cover), take off the dry gel, and put a LED votive candle inside. Et voilà! A nice little photophore that can even safely go outside. By Catherine [7] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Sam made an appointment with a urologist, famous for his work in the field of impotence. The doctor examined him and said, "You're in remarkably good condition for a man of 85. Why are you here?" Sam replied, "My friend Max says he has sex twice a week. I can't do that." The doctor shrugged. "Yes you can. You can certainly say you have sex as many times a week as you like." _____________________________________________________ A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said: "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me either doc." said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
Pollution in China.

Today in 
1804 The first self-propelled locomotive on rails was 
 demonstrated in Wales. 
1842 John J. Greenough patented the sewing machine. 
1848 The Communist Manifesto was published by Karl Marx and 
 Friedrich Engels. 
1858 The first electric burglar alarm was installed in Boston, MA. 
1878 The first telephone directories issued in the U.S. were distributed to 
 residents in New Haven, CT. It was a single page of only fifty names. 
1916 During World War I, the Battle of Verdun began in France. 
 The battle ended on December 18, 1916 with a French victory 
 over Germany. 
1932 William N. Goodwin patented the camera exposure meter. 
1947 Edwin Land demonstrated the Polaroid Land Camera to the 
 Optical Society of America in New York City. It was the first camera 
 to take, develop and print a picture on photo paper all in about 
 60 seconds. The photos were black and white. The camera went on sale 
 the following year. 
1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age of 39 
 by assassins identified as Black Muslims. 
1973 Israeli fighter planes shot down a Libyan Airlines jet over 
 the Sinai Desert. More than 100 people were killed. 
1975 Former U.S. Attorney General John N. Mitchell and former 
 White House aides H.R. Haldeman and John D. Ehrlichman were 
 sentenced to 2 1/2 to 8 years in prison for their roles in 
 the Watergate cover-up. 
1988 In Baton Rouge, LA, TV evangelist Jimmy Swaggart confessed 
 to his congregation that he was guilty of an unspecified sin. 
 He announced that he was leaving the pulpit temporarily. 
 Swaggart had been linked to an admitted prostitute. 
1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called Ayatollah Khomeini's 
 death warrant against "Satanic Verses" author Salman Rushdie 
 "deeply offensive to the norms of civilized behavior." 
1995 Chicago stockbroker Steve Fossett became the first person to 
 fly solo across the Pacific Ocean in a balloon. He landed in 
 Leader, Saskatchewan, Canada. 
2000 David Letterman returned to his Late Night show about five 
 weeks after having an emergency quintuple heart bypass operation. 
2003 David Hasselhoff and his wife Pamela were injured in a 
 motorcycle accident. The accident was caused by a strong gust 
 of wind. Hasselhoff fractured his lower back and broke several 
 ribs. His wife fractured her left ankle and right wrist. 
2015  smiled.


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What to do when there are not enough USB ports 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, February 20
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


The flight to Europe was OK, even though they managed to
shoehorn a couple of extra rows into the planes. Climbing 
into and out of my window seat was an interesting exercise 
routine. 

In Amsterdam I was sure glad, that Karolyne had specified 
"wheelchair assisted". I don't know what the people, who
designed that place, were smoking, but it is giving dope
a bad name!

Between AN electric cart and a marathon runner pushing a
wheelchair at full galop, they did get me to the connecting 
flight in less than one and a half hours. Boarding had just 
finished, but the door was still open. Don't try that alone!

Zurich was not quite as bad, even though we had landed at an
unplanned destination. They soon found some stairs. Then a bus 
first, then an electric cart and finally a runner pushing two
wheelchairs simultaneously eventually got me to the exit. 
The train station is just across the street and not confusing
once you go down a level.

If you go there, keep in mind that toilets cost 2 Swiss Franks 
or €2 in that train station. Luckily I had remembered that and
had a few Euro coins in my wallet, and even could give some 
to a lady with crossed legs and tears streaming down her face.

I had a few hours to spare there, so I wandered around and
found the Austrian train, that I had to take to Austria, 
sitting there waiting while it was getting cleaned. 
It had free toilets.

I never saw any conductor or any train staff then or later,
other than the janitors. Nobody at all was interested in my 
on-line ticket, that I had printed in Canada.

When the train called "RailJet" took off, it was like 
watching a train on another rail moving. No noise or 
vibration at all, even when it picked up speed and moved
at 240. Quite amazing!
Here is a picture of the suspension:

The "tire" in the middle carries the train, the rest of the
machinery is just for shock absorbing.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Californian who punched himself in face and claimed 
police brutality, but was on video.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1673 The first recorded wine auction took place in London.
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak. --- Epictetus (55 AD - 135 AD) Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. --- Niels Bohr (1885 - 1962) ______________________________________________________ A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before.' He stands up and says, "Before, B-E-P-H-O-R." The teacher says, "No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?" Another little boy stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-O-R." Again the teacher says, "No, that's wrong." Then the teacher asks, ", can you spell 'before'?" stands up and says, "Before, B-E-F-O-R-E." "Excellent , now can you use it in a sentence?" says, "That's easy. Two plus two be fore." --------------- If you didn't put your first name into the FIRST NAME slot, when you subscribed, and put "Hotensia Wilton-Chamberlain III" in there, that joke falls kinda flat. When you are ready to correct the FIRST NAME field, let me know. I can fix that in a few seconds. ______________________________________________________ A golfer whose car broke down flagged down a passing bus and got aboard. With his pockets bulging with golf balls he carefully lowered himself onto a seat next to a little old lady. The little old lady kept looking quizzically at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her he said, "It's golf balls." She loked at him full of pity and compassion and asked: "Does it hurt as bad as tennis elbow?" ______________________________________________________ Click through for the big picture Last rays of sunshine over Hudson Bay
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Aleksander Robin Tomas­zewski, 33, Lucerne, California Man Punches Self In Face, Claims Police Brutality A California man has been found guilty of attempted coercion after falsely claiming police attacked him. Lucerne resident Aleksander Robin Tomas­zewski, 33, was arrested Jan. 9 on charges of stalking and first-degree s exual abuse, the Register Guard reported. During an interview that day, Tomaszewski said detectives assaulted him and said he wanted to press charges. His face was covered in bruises. The suspect didn't count on surveillance video in his jail cell, however, which shows him pounding his own face more than 40 times. When confronted with the video that authorities released to the public Tuesday, Tomaszewski told police he thought the complaint might get him an earlier release, Oregon Live reported. Instead, Tomaszewski will have to settle for both a bruised face and ego. He was found guilty of initiating a false police report last week and was sentenced to 20 days in jail and a $500 fine, the Associated Press reports. 15:39 2/19/2015 4______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Miranda Re: Not enough USB sockets Dear Webby, I don't have enough USB sockets, but always need at least one more. Miranda Dear Miranda If you get a wireless Logitech mouse and Keyboard, then you can use a Logitech "Unifying" USB plug. Actually, you can take care of up to six pieces of hardware with one Logitech USB plug. The alternative is to go to your local Dollar Store and buy a USB hub with 4 or 6 sockets. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Photophore Solid gel air fresheners usually have a quite nice floral or geometrical pattern under the plastic film you have to pull off. Once it has dried out, instead of throwing it away, open it (you just have to slide anything flat around the top cover), take off the dry gel, and put a LED votive candle inside. Et voilà! A nice little photophore that can even safely go outside. By Catherine [7] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Sometimes, when I'm in class, I dream that I'm on a tropical island, with a dozen or more scantily clad females beside me, sitting under a huge palm tree, with some soft gentle music being played on some traditional wood instruments of that region, and a cool gentle breeze caressing my tanned body. I do all this while trying to forget I'm in a classroom. Of course, it would be so much easier without everyone yelling at me to keep teaching. _____________________________________________________ (When you re-tell this joke, you'll have to replace Kentucky and Tennesee with the names of states in your area.) On the border of Kentucky and Tennessee there's a small forest. Half of the forest belongs to a Kentucky farmer, while the other half belongs to a Tennessee man. One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Tennessee man comes across a wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his house and calls his Kentucky neighbor. "There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of the forest." "How do you know it's one of *our* wolves?" the Kentucky farmer asked. "Well," the Tennessee man replied, "he's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped."
Old photos tell us so much about the past. They also tell us, sadly, that history repeats itself.

Today in 
1673 The first recorded wine auction took place in London.
1792 U.S. President George Washington signed the Postal 
  Service Act thereby creating the U.S. Post Office.
1809 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal 
  government was greater than that of any individual state.
1839 The U.S. Congress prohibited dueling in the District 
  of Columbia.
1872 Luther Crowell received a patent for a machine that 
  manufactured paper bags.
1872 Silas Noble and J.P. Cooley patented the toothpick 
  manufacturing machine.
1931 The U.S. Congress allowed California to build the 
  Oakland Bay Bridge.
1933 The U.S. House of Representatives completed congressional 
  action on the amendment to repeal Prohibition.
1944 "Big Week" began as U.S. bombers began raiding German 
  aircraft manufacturing centers during World War II.
1962 John Glenn made space history when he orbited the world 
  three times in 4 hours, 55 minutes. He was the first American 
  to orbit the Earth. He was aboard the Friendship 7 
  Mercury capsule.
1965 Ranger 8 crashed on the moon after sending back thousands 
  of pictures of its surface.
1987 A bomb exploded in a computer store in Salt Lake City, UT. 
  The blast was blamed on the Unabomber.
2002 In Reqa Al-Gharbiya, Egypt, a fire raced through a train 
  killing at least 370 people and injuring at least 65.
2003 In West Warwick, RI, 99 people were killed when fire 
  destroyed the nightclub The Station. The fire started with 
  sparks from a pyrotechnic display being used by Great White. 
  Ty Longley, guitarist for Great White, was one of the victims 
  in the fire.
2015  smiled.


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Sending money with credit cards via PayPal 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, February 17

Today I get to fly to Europe. 

By supper time on Wednesday I will ring the door bell at 
my dad's place. He will have my favorite supper ready.

From high above the clouds Tuesday night I won't be able 
to send out the Wednesday issue. The Thursday issue will
again be on track and will hopefully have some pictures
from the trip.

Have FUN!


DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Texan Drunk Driver, who left his arm behind, 
when he ran away after crashing his car.

Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1933 Blondie Boopadoop married Dagwood Bumstead three years 
 after Chic Young’s popular strip first debuted. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nobody talks so constantly about God as those who insist that there is no God. --- Heywood Broun (1888 - 1939) You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in. --- Arlo Guthrie (1947 - ) ______________________________________________________ A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C. After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 books and magazines and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door. Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the community." The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer. Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was. The barber said, "No charge. I consider it a service to the country." The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators in front of the door. ______________________________________________________ Georgina likes sitting in the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought half a loaf of bread that had gone a bit moldy to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone. Then suddenly a man rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere, when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. After staring at him for a few seconds, she handed him the last chunk of bread and said: "Since you are so full of hot air and good advice, I'll let you take this to Africa" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through for the big picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Juan-Gutierrez, 23, Corpus Christi, Texas Drunk Driver Left His Arm Behind After drunkenly crashing his car early yesterday, a Texas man fled the totaled vehicle, leaving behind his prosthetic arm, cops say. Juan Gutierrez, 23, was behind the wheel of a 2000 Toyota Camry that was traveling the wrong direction on a state highway in Corpus Christi when he lost control of the vehicle around 2:30 AM, according to police. Gutierrez’s car “drove off the freeway between two overpass bridges and became airborne and dropped down” to a street below. The Toyota subsequently came to a halt after striking a bridge pillar. Police allege that Gutierrez exited the car and fled the accident scene on foot, leaving behind his 27-year-old male passenger, who suffered minor injuries. When officers arrived at the site of the one-car crash, they discovered that Gutierrez also left without his prosthetic right arm (which was found inside the automobile). The arm can be seen in the image that was recorded by a body camera worn by a Corpus Christi Police Department officer. Gutierrez was arrested by cops who spotted “the one armed man walking not far from the scene,” police reported. Pictured in the above mug shot, Gutierrez--who was treated for minor injuries--was charged with drunk driving and booked into the local jail on the misdemeanor count. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Susan Re: Credit Cards at PayPal Dear Webby, I am trying to send some money to a friend. She said PayPal is the easiest way, but I don't have a PayPal account. Can I use PayPal with just a credit card? Thanks Susan Dear Susan Your friend is right. PayPal is by far the easiest way. You CAN stay on the left side and use your credit card, or simply sign up and use your credit card to prove, that you are over 18, and use the credit card or a bank account as a "fall-back", to draw money from, if your PayPal account is lower, than what you need for a purchase. Keep in mind that a fall-back has a higher fee than if you just use the balance, that you have in your account. The lowest fees are PayPal to PayPal money transfers. So set up your account in a minute, put some money into it from your bank account, and then send money from your account to your friend. To send money click on SEND MONEY enter the amount and your friend's PayPal address, and your password, click OK, and it is done. After the first time, it is really easy. Well worth spending a minute or two setting it up. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Carry Jewelry in Pill Case When taking a trip or going away from home, I use a pill case to stash my rings, earrings and necklaces. They stay safe and separated! By Donna [190] You can get "Dosettes" with 7 "Day-sticks" for doling out a week's worth of pills at the Dollar store for a dollar. The picture shows one "Day-stick". There are 7 in the little cabinet. If you have an old "Franklin Planner" from the days before the internet, the pill cabinet fits neatly into one, after you toss the paper. Then you can take along just one "Day-stick" with a day's worth of pills and/or jewelry, nicely sorted. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Heard on the plane: >From the granny in the "Scare North" parka (the stewardess): "They remembered to put the gas cap on today, so we won't be doing the usual circling back to the airport. Which is unfortunate, because they forgot to put the cap on the coffee thermos." And from the pilot during his message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... They will be on the next flight." One time in the 70s when they were still using their drafty see-through DC3 from Whitehorse to Dawson City, Dennis the pilot was in a serious looking conference with the stewardess and then came walking back, looking pointedly at the bright red toolcase on the floor by my feet and asked: "Does anybody by any chance have a 3/4" wrench?" I was on my way to fix a big generator and certainly did have all the wrenches with me. After I handed him a 3/4" wrench, he went back to the stewardess. She handed him a beer. In those days the beer still had crown-caps instead of screw-tops. He grabbed the bottle tighly around the neck with one hand, leveraged the wrench over his thumb and expertly popped the cap. Seems they had forgotten the bottle opener on that trip, and by the time we reached Dawson City, the stewardess got pretty good at opening beer with a wrench.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
>From Connie A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked. "Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asked. "Yes, I do," she replied. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?" "Yes, I remember." Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or spend twenty years in jail?" "Yes, I do," she said. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know... I would have gotten out of jail today." _____________________________________________________ A man and a woman had been married for ten years and decided to try and have kids. They had not been using birth control for the entire time they had been married, so they thought they may have a problem conceiving. The woman decided to go to the gynecologist and see if the problem was with her. She had been hard of hearing since she s little. The doctor examined her and came in to give her the conclusions. He said, "I'm sorry, but the problem is with you. You have insufficient passion and if you ever have a baby it will be a miracle." The woman was very upset and went home crying. Her husband got home and asked her what was wrong. She said, "The doctor told me I've got a fish up my passage and if I ever have a baby it will be a mackerel."
Some of the resemblances are uncanny!

Today in 
1817 The first gaslit streetlights appeared on the streets 
 of Baltimore, MD. 
1865 Columbia, SC, burned. The Confederates were evacuating 
 and the Union Forces were moving in. 
1876 Julius Wolff was credited with being the first to can 
 sardines. 
1878 In San Francisco, CA, the first large city telephone 
 exchange opened. It had only 18 phones. 
1933 Blondie Boopadoop married Dagwood Bumstead three years 
 after Chic Young’s popular strip first debuted. 
1944 During World War II, the Battle of Eniwetok Atoll began. 
 U.S. forces won the battle on February 22, 1944. 
1947 The Voice of America began broadcasting to the Soviet Union. 
1964 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that congressional districts 
 within each state had to be approximately equal in population.
1992 In Milwaukee, serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was sentenced 
 to life in prison. In November of 1994, he was beaten to death 
 in prison. 
1995 Colin Ferguson was convicted of six counts of murder in 
 the December 1993 Long Island Rail Road shootings. He was 
 later sentenced to a minimum of 200 years in prison. 
1996 World chess champion Garry Kasparov beat the IBM 
 supercomputer "Deep Blue" in Philadelphia, PA. 
1997 Pepperdine University announced that Kenneth Starr was 
 leaving the Whitewater probe to take a full-time job at 
 the school. Starr reversed the announcement four days later. 
2005 U.S. President George W. Bush named John Negroponte as 
 the first national intelligence director.
2015  smiled.


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Restore lost Recycle Bin icon 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, February 16

Thank You Francis!

Tomorrow I get to fly to Europe. My long time friend Karolyn
moved to the US a few years ago, and still had Canadian Air 
Miles. She has now used them to buy me a ticket to go visit 
my dad.

Tomorrow noon I take off for Calgary, and at 3 from there
to Amsterdam, and after a one hour stop there to Zurich,
Switzerland. From there I take a train and head to Austria.

By supper time on Wednesday I will ring the door bell at 
my dad's place. He will have my favorite supper ready.

From high above the clouds Tuesday night I won't be able 
to send out the Wednesday issue. The Thursday issue will
again be on track and will hopefully have some pictures
from the trip.

The Tuesday issue will still be from here, sent out tonight.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Texan, who got a life sentence for his 10th DUI
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1946 The first commercially designed helicopter was tested 
 in Connecticut. 
1958 The first ironing board was patented by William 
 Vandenburg and James Harvey. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away. --- Tom Lehrer (1928 - ) The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity. --- Helen Rowland (1876 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ Bubba and Bobby Joe rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. Bubba said to Bobby Joe, "Mark this here spot so that we can come back right here again tomorrow." The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the Bubba asked Bobby Joe, "Bobby Joe, did you mark that there spot like ah tole ya?" His friend replied, "Shore nuff, I put a big ole 'X' on the bottom of the boat." "You stupid fool! Now, what we gonna do if we don't get that same boat today?!" ______________________________________________________ "May I go swimming, Mommy?" "No, you may not. There are sharks here." "But Daddy's swimming." "He's insured." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through for the big picture This Columbian Cathedral is called Las Lajas Sanctuary
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bobby Gene Martin, 64 Montgomery County Texas Life sentence for 10th DUI A Texas man was sentenced to two life sentences Wednesday for drunk driving. If that seems harsh, consider that Bobby Gene Martin, 64, racked up 10 DWI charges between 1981 and 2014, reports the Montgomery County Police Reporter. In the latest incident, Martin crashed his mom's pickup truck on Aug. 2, then reportedly asked a wrecker driver for a ride home so he wouldn't get "another DWI." The driver refused, and responding officers found Martin in water up to his waist in a nearby drainage ditch, the Courier reports. His blood alcohol level was 0.217. Martin then threatened to "kill not only the deputy that arrested him, but also his wife, his children, his mom," Montgomery County Assistant District Attorney Kyle Crowl said. Once at the local jail, Martin kept up the death threats, hurling them, along with racial slurs, at the jailer. The jury took one hour to convict Martin and spent three hours deliberating his sentence after learning of his earlier crimes. As a habitual offender, he faced 25 years to life. After notching his eighth drunk-driving conviction in 1999, Martin was sentenced to 15 years in prison, the Houston Chronicle reports. After being released, he was jailed once again for a year after a 2009 DWI arrest. "It is amazing he hasn't killed anyone yet," said Crowl, who painted this metaphor for the jury: The latest charges were the "icing on a cake that [Martin] had been baking his whole life." Martin's life sentences will be served concurrently; he'll be eligible for parole at age 80. His next DUI won't happen until 2031. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Victoria Re: Lost recycle bin Dear Webby, I lost my Recycle Bin the last time I changed resolution. Apparently Windows squished it out of the viewable part of the desktop, and I can't find it any more. How do I get it back? Victoria Dear Victoria That has always been a very common occurrence with Windows. One way to drag it back in from the dark side is to use Auto-Arrange. Ouch! Yeah, I don't like it either. However, it will usually drag icons in from beyond the visible part of the screen. There is also a possibility, that another icon got parked on top of it. Windows 7 quite cheerfully does that. For example, if you try to drag a folder or program into the recycle bin, instead of hitting the old-fashioned DEL key, then sometimes Windows just parks the icon of that foler or program on top of the Recycle Bin icon, neatly hiding it. Sometimes you can spot that kind of malarkey by looking for shortcut names, that don't look quite right. Then you can drag the covering icon away. If you DID delete the Recycle bin icon, it's easy to get it back. Control Panel Personalize choose the link for “Change Desktop Icons” on the left side Put a checkmark into the box next to the name. Hit APPLY Hit OK That is almost all there is to it. The next step is to FIND it. If you have 1500 shortcut icons on the desktop, that won't be easy. Again, the dreaded Auto-Arrange to the rescue. It will sort the icons alphabetically, and if you have painted a background to look like labelled bookshelf boards or labelled file cabinets, you can quickly drag the icons to a place, that makes sense. Next, right-click the desktop and select: Save Desktop. Sometimes that works, but it is a bit unpredictable. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easily Remove Coffee Stains From Mugs The other day quite by accident I came across this easy way to get coffee stains out of my cups. Normally I use baking soda and rub the stains out, but it was all gone. The cups also had some lime deposits on them so I thought I'd use vinegar to remove those and found I only had apple cider vinegar. I didn't want to cool my dish water so I heated a cup of apple cider vinegar in the microwave for 2 minutes. I then added it to my dish water and let the cups sit a few minutes and the coffee stains wiped right out with no scrubbing. mug after cleaning By Cory [7] ______________________________________________________ Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having trouble reading the newspaper. "Now that you're over 40," the doctor told him, "you've developed a condition called 'presbyopia,' in which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to." Seeing his worried look, the doctor tried to be upbeat. "Congratulations!" he said. "You're now officially a presbyope!" Doug leaned over and asked seriously, "If that means I'm no longer a Roman Catholic, do I still have to go to Confession?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
>From Bobbie My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs. She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!" "What's the matter?" I asked. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the tuna casserole I made tonight." "That'll teach them!" I replied. _____________________________________________________ A dyslexic man walks into a bra. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
The Most Amazing Driftwood Sculptures.

Today in 
1741 Benjamin Franklin published America’s second magazine, 
 "The General Magazine and Historical Chronicle". 
1804 A raid was led by Lt. Stephen Decatur to burn the 
 U.S. Navy frigate Philadelphia. The ship had been taken 
 by pirates. 
1857 The National Deaf Mute College was incorporated in 
 Washington, DC. It was the first school in the world for 
 advanced education of the deaf. The school was later 
 renamed Gallaudet College. 
1862 During the U.S. Civil War, about 14,000 Confederate 
 soldiers surrendered to Gen. Ulysses S. Grant at Fort 
 Donelson, TN. 
1868 The Jolly Corks organization, in New York City, changed 
 it name to the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks (BPOE). 
1914 The first airplane flight between Los Angeles and 
 San Francisco took place. 
1918 Lithuania proclaimed its independence. 
1923 Howard Carter unsealed the burial chamber of Egyptian 
 Pharaoh Tutankhamen. The next day he entered the chamber 
 with several invited guests. He had originally found the 
 tomb on November 4, 1922. 
1932 The first fruit tree patent was issued to James E. 
 Markham for a peach tree which ripens later than other 
 varieties. 
1937 Wallace H. Carothers received a patent for nylon. 
 Carothers was a research chemist for Du Pont. 
1938 The U.S. Federal Crop Insurance program was authorized. 
1945 During World War II, U.S. troops landed on the island of 
 Corregidor in the Philippines. 
1946 The first commercially designed helicopter was tested 
 in Connecticut. 
1958 The first ironing board was patented by William 
 Vandenburg and James Harvey. 
1959 Fidel Castro seized power in Cuba after the overthrow 
 of President Fulgencio Batista. 
1960 The U.S.S. Triton began the first circumnavigation of 
 the globe under water. The trip ended on May 10. 
1968 In the U.S., the first 911 emergency telephone system 
 was inaugurated in Haleyville, AL. 
1970 Joe Frazier began his reign as the undefeated heavyweight 
 world champion when he knocked out Jimmy Ellis in five rounds. 
 He lost the title on January 22, 1973, when he lost for the 
 first time in his professional career to George Foreman. 
1985 "Kojak" returned to network television after an absence 
 of seven years with the CBS-TV special, "Kojak: The Belarus File." 
1987 John Demjanjuk went on trial in Jerusalem. He was accused 
 of being "Ivan the Terrible", a guard at the Treblinka 
 concentration camp. He was convicted, but the Israeli 
 Supreme Court overturned the ruling. 
1989 Investigators in Lockerbie, Scotland, announced that a 
 bomb hidden inside a radio-cassette player was the reason 
 that Pan Am Flight 103 was brought down the previous December. 
 All 259 people aboard and 11 on the ground were killed. 
1999 A bomb exploded at the government headquarters in 
 Uzbekistan. Gunfire followed the incident. The event 
 apparently was an attempt on the life of President Islam 
 Karimov. 
1999 Kurds seized embassies and held hostages across Europe 
 following Turkey's arrest of Kurdish rebel leader 
 Abdullah Ocalan. 
1999 Testimony began in the Jasper, TX, trial of John William 
 King. He was charged with murder in the gruesome dragging 
 death of James Byrd Jr. King was later convicted and 
 sentenced to death. 
2002 The operator of a crematory in Noble, GA, was arrested 
 after dozens of corpses were found stacked in storage sheds 
 and scattered around in the surrounding woods. 
2005 The Kyoto global warming pact went into effect in 140 
 nations. 
2015  smiled.


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Logitech mouse button assignment 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, February 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
Man With "Clockwork Orange" forehead tattoo again in jail

Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1870 In the Utah Territory, women gained the right to vote. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
According to a recent survey, 12 percent of Americans say that it's fine to cheat a little on your taxes. While the other 88 percent know not to talk to a guy with a clipboard asking them if they cheat on their taxes. --- Jimmy Fallon ______________________________________________________ During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 12 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror. "There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 1 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything." Both were excused. ______________________________________________________ A nursery school teacher was telling her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said "I'm not free!" Taken aback by the boy's positive attitude, she said, "well, at your age I will admit that you are not allowed to do anything you want, but what I meant is that your family can do anything that is legal. Now, do you understand that you are free?" "No -- I'm NOT free," he said looking up defiantly, "I'm four!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through for the big picture Colosseum in snow
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Edwin James Ross 33 Eugene Oregon Man With "Clockwork Orange" Forehead Tattoo Again in jail Edwin James Ross, a 33-year-old Oregonian was arrested Monday evening in Eugene for trespassing and booked into the Lane County jail on the misdemeanor charge. Ross, who was released from custody yesterday, is familiar with the lockup. He was first held there in 2003 following his arrest for murdering a 19-year-old friend with a shotgun blast to the head. Ross subsequently pleaded guilty to second-degree manslaughter and was sentenced to nine years in state prison. His most recent stay at the lockup was last June following a bust for domestic violence, reckless burning, and other charges. It is unclear whether the felon is a fan of the Anthony Burgess novella, Stanley Kubrick’s film adaptation, or ultraviolence in general. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Samantha Re: New mouse won't copy / paste Dear Webby, I got a new mouse, a Logitech this time because their batteries apparently last longer. However, even though it has the side buttons for copy an d paste, they don't work. Is there a way to fix that, or should I bring it back to the store? Samantha Dear Samantha Browse to http://support.logitech.com/en_ca/software/options Instead of en_ca you might have to use en_us. In there download Logitech Options That is the required driver. For some silly reason they have a pissing contest with Microsoft, and the driver is not downloaded automatically. Just go to that link, download and intstall the driver, and then finanlly go into the mouse settings on Control Panel. Now you can assign whatever you want to any of the buttons. However, the number of liness to scroll per click of the mouse wheel, does not work in W7, that seems to be stuck at 4 lines maximum. The rest works fine. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Moving Canned Goods to New Home When I get ready to move to a new home, I buy myself two large trash cans with wheels. Seems like every new home needs new ones anyway. Then, when I go through my food - canned goods, glass jars of food that sometimes break, and even my canisters since they are heavy - and store all my food stuff in the new trash cans. The trash cans can hold a great deal of weight and they are easy to move with the wheels. And if anything breaks, the cans are water proof. I just roll the cans right up on the moving truck and away I go. Works great. By Kimberly [8] ______________________________________________________ The Father, passing through the son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whattya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!", replied the voice. "Just dump him on the front porch as usual. We'll try to sober him up in the morning."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
"I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds. "I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up, one at a time." _____________________________________________________ A mother was teaching her four-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night the child was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride to the carefully enunciated words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some e-mail."
Oriental art, painting on water.

Today in 
1541 The city of Santiago, Chile was founded. 
1554 Lady Jane Grey was beheaded after being charged with 
 treason. She had claimed the throne of England for only 
 nine days. 
1733 Savannah, GA, was founded by English colonist James 
 Oglethorpe. 
1870 In the Utah Territory, women gained the right to vote. 
1878 Frederick W. Thayer patented the baseball catcher’s 
 mask. 
1879 The first artificial ice rink opened in North America. 
 It was at Madison Square Garden in New York City, NY. 
1907 A collision of the steamer Larchmont and a schooner 
 resulted in the death of more than 300 people. The incident 
 occurred off New England's Block Island. 
1909 The National Association for the Advancement of Colored 
 People (NAACP) was founded. 
1912 China's boy emperor Hsuan T'ung announced that he was 
 abdicating, ending the Manchu Ch'ing dynasty. Subsequently, 
 the Republic of China was established. 
1918 All theatres in New York City were shut down in an effort 
 to conserve coal. 
1940 Mutual Radio presented the first broadcast of the radio 
 play "The Adventures of Superman." 
1971 James Cash (J.C.) Penney died at the age of 95. The 
 company closed for business for one-half day as a memorial 
 to the company's founder. 
1973 The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first in 
 the U.S. to post metric distance signs. 
1973 American prisoners of war were released for the first 
 time during the Vietnam conflict. 
1993 In Liverpool, England, a 2-year-old boy, James Bulger, 
 was lured away from his mother at a shopping mall and 
 beaten to death. Two ten-year-old boys were responsible. 
1998 A U.S. federal judge declared that the presidential 
 line-item veto was unconstitutional. 
1999 U.S. President Clinton was acquitted by the U.S. Senate 
 on two impeachment articles. The charges were perjury and 
 obstruction of justice. 
2001 The space probe NEAR landed on the asteroid Eros. It 
 was the first time that any craft had landed on a small space rock. 
2002 Kenneth Lay, former Enron CEO, exercised his constitutional 
 rights and refused to testify to the U.S. Congress about the 
 collapse of Enron. 
2002 Pakistan charged three men in connection with the kidnapping 
 of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pearl in Karachi. 
2002 Princess Stephanie of Monaco and Franco Knie won a 
 defamation-of-character lawsuit against the Swiss magazine 
 "Facts." The case involved a photomontage created by the 
 magazine. 
2003 The U.N. nuclear agency declared North Korea in violation 
 of international treaties. The complaint was sent to the 
 Security Council. 
2004 Mattel announced that "Barbie" and "Ken" were breaking up.
2013 North Korea conducted its third underground nuclear test. 
2015  smiled.


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Animated cats postcards 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, February 11

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a
PA man caughtr stealing money left behind at a 
bank drive-through terminal.
Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1937 General Motors agreed to recognize the United Automobile 
 Workers Union, which ended the current sit-down strike 
 against them. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
All general statements are false. --- Socratex An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field. --- Niels Bohr (1885 - 1962) ______________________________________________________ Ole lived across River from Clarence who he didn't like at all. They all the time were yelling across the river at each other. Ole would yell to Clarence, "If I had a vay to cross dis river, I'd come over dere an beat you up good, yeah sure ya betcha by golly!" This went on for years. Finally the state built a bridge across the river right there by their houses. Ole's wife, Lena, says, "Now is you chance, Ole, vhy don't you go over dere and beat up dat Clarence like you said you voud?" Ole says, "OK, by yimmy I tink I vill do yust dat" Ole started for the bridge but he sees a sign on the bridge an he stops to read it, then he turns around and comes back home. Lena asked, "vhy did you come back?" Ole said, "Lena, I tink I change my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence, you know, dey put a sign on da bridge dat says "Clarence is 13 ft. 6 in." You know, he don't look near dat big vhen I yell at him from across da river" ______________________________________________________ >From Annette The Federal Government just announced Medicare Part G! Enrollment is OPEN thru the 30th. Sign up immediately! Medicare, Part G - Nursing Home Plan If you're an older senior citizen and can no longer take care of yourself. The government says there's no Nursing Home care available for you. So, what do you do? You opt for Part G…. Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun (Part G) and four bullets. You are allowed to shoot four politicians. This means, of course, that you'll be sent to prison where you'll receive three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating & air conditioning, cable TV, library, and all the Health Care you need. Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great. Need a hearing aid, new hip, knees, kidney, lungs, sex change, or heart? They're all covered. As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you at least as often as they do now! And, who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you they can't afford for you to go into a home. And....you can get rid of 4 useless politicians while you're at it. And now, because you're a prisoner, you don't have to pay any more income taxes. Is this a great country or what? Now that we've solved your senior financial planning, enjoy your week. Blue/Cross of Alabama will be offering a supplementary plan that will cover the cost of 4 more bullets if desired. ---------- Can I use my 105mm (4.1") M-40 ? Or would that be too greedy ? ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture The fog hills of Sausalito
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Randy Gillen, 28 CLEARFIELD, Pennsylvania Stole $500 Left At Drive-Thru Bank Window Police say a Pennsylvania man hoping to pass a fraudulent check instead stole $500 when he found that much money left behind by another customer at a drive-thru bank window. Twenty-eight-year-old Randy Gillen Jr. was in the Clearfield County Jail on Monday, awaiting a Feb. 11 preliminary hearing. Police tell WJAC-TV that the Clearfield man hoped to cash a bogus $1,900 check at CNB Bank, but instead drove away with the money left behind in the carrier tube from the previous customer on Jan. 29. Police say Gillen later tried to pass the bad check at another bank, and was rebuffed before Clearfield police found him last Wednesday, hiding in his girlfriend's closet. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lisa Re: Animated cats postcards Dear Webby, On my last computer I used to have a bookmark to a site with a whole lot of funny animated postys with cats. Do you know the URL of that site? I think it's one of your clients. Muchly appreciated! Lisa Dear Lisa Sure I know that site. Jana's site has been a favorite for sending postys to cat lovers for many years. Her famous animation of the cat unrolling the toilet paper is a classic. Have a look at http://actioncat.com Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Tissue From Laundry Much as we all try, sometimes we leave a tissue in a pocket of our pants and wash them. Then, the clothes will be covered in lint. There's no need to rewash the load, just put a fabric softener sheet in the dryer and tumble for a while. I don't even use a whole one, because I cut them in thirds. Most of the lint will wind up in your lint trap. I don't use dryer sheets as a rule, because I don't like the toxins they release, but I consider this an emergency, and like I said, I cut them in thirds anyway. By J-Kat [6] ______________________________________________________ A Columbia lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep." The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over. Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time. It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone. So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down. On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile. Bob says, "It's the only way down. I will go first." Bob jumped. Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, "Hey Bob! How deep did you go?" Bob yells back, "I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!" Dan jumps and goes clear up to his neck in manure. He says to Bob, "I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?" Bob replies, "I did, but I landed head first!" _____________________________________________________ A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of gas and the anesthetic nurse had to bean him with a fire extinguisher."
Only one word to describe this….incredible!

Today in 
1752 The Pennsylvania Hospital opened as the very first 
 hospital in America. 
1808 Judge Jesse Fell experimented by burning anthracite 
 coal to keep his house warm. He successfully showed how 
 clean the coal burned and how cheaply it could be used 
 as a heating fuel. 
1812 The term "gerrymandering" had its beginning when the 
 governor of Massachusetts, Elbridge Gerry, signed a 
 redistricting law that favored his party. 
1858 A French girl, Bernadette Soubirous, claimed to have 
 seen a vision of the Virgin Mary near Lourdes. 
1929 The Lateran Treaty was signed. Italy now recognized 
 the independence and sovereignty of Vatican City. 
1936 Pumping began the process to build San Francisco's 
 Treasure Island. 
1937 General Motors agreed to recognize the United Automobile 
 Workers Union, which ended the current sit-down strike 
 against them. 
1943 General Dwight David Eisenhower was selected to command 
 the allied armies in Europe. 
1960 Jack Paar walked off while live on the air on the 
 "Tonight Show" with four minutes left. He did this in response 
 to censors cutting out a joke from the show the night before. 
1979 Nine days after the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini returned to 
 Iran (after 15 years in exile) power was seized by his followers. 
1982 France nationalized five groups of major industries and 39 banks. 
1984 The tenth Space Shuttle mission returned to Earth safely. 
1990 Nelson Mandela was freed after 27 years in captivity. 
1990 In Tokyo, Japan, James "Buster" Douglas knocked out Mike Tyson 
 in the tenth round to win the heavyweight championship. 
2000 The space shuttle Endeavor took off. The mission was to gather 
 information for the most detailed map of the earth ever made. 
2000 Great Britain suspended self-rule in Northern Ireland after 
 the Irish Republican Army (IRA) failed to begin decommissioning 
 (disarming) by a February deadline. 
2006 In Texas, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot 
 and wounded a companion during a quail hunt. 
2015  smiled.


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Useless Outlook error message 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, February 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby


______________________________________________________
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a

Details at Boneheads

Today, in 
1763 The Treaty of Paris ended the French and Indian War. 
 In the treaty France ceded Canada to England. 
More of what happened on this day in history at History

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. --- Alfred Adler (1870 - 1937) ______________________________________________________ A minister was rather long-winded. During his sermon a young wife in the congregation remembered that she had left the Sunday dinner in the gas range without regulating the flame. She hastily wrote a note and slipped it to her husband, who was an usher. He, thinking it was for the minister, calmly walked up and laid it on the pulpit. The minister paused, took the note with a smile, which turned into a terrific frown as he read: "Please hurry home and shut off the gas." ______________________________________________________ A young woman enters the convent. One of her first duties is to drive the Mother Superior to the local Diocese. Needless to say the young nun is a little apprehensive about getting such an important job to do right off the bat. So the two of them set off down the highway, the young nun driving and the Mother Superior sitting quietly in the back. No sooner do they start this journey when out of nowhere this red object drops out of the sky and lands on the hood of their car! Low and behold, it's the Devil himself! He crawls up to the window and starts making lewd gestures at the young nun. The young nun looks back at the Mother Superior and says, "Mother Superior! The Devil's on the hood of the car! What should I do?" The Mother Superior says in a calm voice, "My child... you are a nun! Show him your cross!" With that the young nun rolls down the window, leans her head out and screams: "YOU @#$%$#@& &@%$# GET THE @#$#@% OFF THE @#$@$#% CAR!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roy for this picture: Click through for the big picture Mt Fuji
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anneliese Young, 82, Augusta Georgia Georgia Woman, 82, Arrested For Theft Of "Sexiest Fantasies" Body Spray An 82-year-old woman is facing a larceny charge after she was caught trying to steal a bottle of “Sexiest Fantasies” body spray from a CVS pharmacy near her Georgia home, police report. Anneliese Young, the accused octogenarian, was collared when a store worker spotted her placing the item inside her purse. Young then walked out of the Augusta business without paying for the $7.39 body spray, according to a police report. Young, pictured in the above mug shot, was confronted by a pharmacy employee outide the store on January 27. While the apologetic pensioner copped to the theft and handed over the “Sexiest Fantasies” spray, Richmond County Sheriff’s Office deputies were summoned to the store. Young was arrested after a CVS employee “advised that she did wish to prosecute.” Pictured in the above mug shot, Young was arrested and briefly booked into the county jail. The “Sexiest Fantasies” body spray that Young sought to pinch was the brand’s “Fireworks” fragrance. According to the manufacturer, the spray “provides a burst of sensuality as plump wild strawberries, succulent peaches, and voluptuous vanilla come together to create a fragrance as addictive and seductive as the woman who wears it.” The product is also reportedly “sure to drive any man wild.” ------------- For best results carry a hot pizza, when you show up. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Roland Re: Outlook error message Dear Webby, Outlook.com was not able to complete this request. Microsoft may contact you about any issue This notice shows up every time outlook is opened. Do not recall sending any thing to Outlook. Can you give me a idea on this or how to delete it. Thank you: Roland and Ruth Ann Dear Roland That is reason #934 why I don't use Outlook. Don't expect Microsoft to contact you. They don't seem to know what causes that. A lot of people have that nuisance problem. Some people got rid of that thilly message by cleaning the auto-complete like this: Close Outlook and use the /cleanautocompletecache startup switch. To use, press Windows key + R to open the run command then paste outlook.exe /cleanautocompletecache and hit ENTER. Hopefully that helps! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Tissue From Laundry Much as we all try, sometimes we leave a tissue in a pocket of our pants and wash them. Then, the clothes will be covered in lint. There's no need to rewash the load, just put a fabric softener sheet in the dryer and tumble for a while. I don't even use a whole one, because I cut them in thirds. Most of the lint will wind up in your lint trap. I don't use dryer sheets as a rule, because I don't like the toxins they release, but I consider this an emergency, and like I said, I cut them in thirds anyway. By J-Kat [6] ______________________________________________________ When Jean arrived for her daughter's parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling her that her little girl didn't always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty. "For example, she'll do the wrong page in the workbook," the teacher explained, "and I've even found her sitting in the wrong desk." "I don't understand that," Jean replied defensively. "Where could she have gotten that?" The teacher went on to reassure her that her daughter was still doing fine in school and was sweet and likeable. Finally, after a pause, she added, "By the way, Mrs. Johnson, our appointment was for tomorrow."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading, "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology." The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the doctors changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors." This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." No go! Next they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again. Then came, "Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives." Still not good enough. How about, "Minds and Behinds." Unacceptable again. So they tried, "Inner Souls and Outer Holes." Still no go. Nor did; "Analysis and Anal Cysts", "Nuts and Butts", "Freaks and Cheeks", or "Loons and Moons" work either. Almost at their wits' end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council; "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends." "APPROVED!" _____________________________________________________ OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
People messing with statues are downright hilarious.

Today in 
1763 The Treaty of Paris ended the French and Indian War. 
 In the treaty France ceded Canada to England. 
1840 Britain's Queen Victoria married Prince Albert of 
 Saxe Coburg-Gotha. 
1846 Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day 
 Saints began their exodus to the west from Illinois. 
1863 The fire extinguisher was patented by Alanson Crane. 
1870 The YWCA was founded in New York City. 
1879 The electric arc light was used for the first time. 
1925 The first waterless gas storage tank was placed in 
 service in Michigan City, IN. 
1933 The singing telegram was introduced by the Postal 
 Telegraph Company of New York City. 
1935 The Pennsylvania Railroad began passenger service with 
 its electric locomotive. The engine was 79-1/2 feet long 
 and weighed 230 tons. 
1942 The Normandie, the former French liner, capsized in 
 New York Harbor. The day before the ship had caught fire 
 while it was being fitted for the U.S. Navy. 
1962 The Soviet Union exchanged capture American U2 pilot 
 Francis Gary Powers for the Soviet spy Rudolph Ivanovich 
 Abel being held by the U.S. 
1981 The Las Vegas Hilton hotel-casino caught fire. Eight 
 people were killed and 198 were injured. 
1990 South African President F.W. de Klerk announced that 
 black activist Nelson Mandela would be released the next 
 day after 27 years in captivity. 
1992 Mike Tyson was convicted in Indianapolis of raping 
 Desiree Washington, Miss Black American contestant. 
1997 The U.S. Army suspended its top-ranking enlisted soldier, 
 Army Sgt. Major Gene McKinney following allegations of sexual 
 misconduct. McKinney was convicted of obstruction of justice 
 and acquitted of 18 counts alleging sexual harassment of 
 six military women. 
2005 North Korea publicly announced for the first time that 
 it had nuclear arms. The country also rejected attempts 
 to restart disarmament talks in the near future saying that 
 it needed the weapons as protection against an increasingly 
 hostile United States. 
2009 A Russian and an American satellite collide over Siberia. 
2015  smiled.


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