Recover spreadsheet files 



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Today is Thursday, March 31

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to Bumbling Miami bank robbers locked out after firing warning shots Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 31, in 1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to convert to Christianity. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. --- Anon Start by doing what's necessary, then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible. --- Saint Francis of Assisi _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Sandie After attending a community meeting that adjourned at 10 p.m., my mother realized she had locked her keys in the car. The only place open was a bar and grill down the street. When Mom walked in, the bartender asked her what she'd like. "I need a coathanger," she replied. "Lady," he said, "I've made a lot of drinks in my time, but I've never heard of that one." ______________________________________________________ Confusion is one woman plus one multiple choice left turn; Excitement is two women plus one secret; Bedlam is three women plus one bargain; Chaos is four women plus one lunch check and one coupon. ______________________________________________________ From Jean Waterfall Island at Iguazu Falls ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Franklin Yamill Cuevas, 32, Miami, Floriduh Bumbling Miami bank robbers locked out after warning shots It took a few days, but police finally caught up with a pair of bumbling would-be bank robbers whose warning shots outside a Miami bank backfired — giving an employee inside enough warning to lock the front door. Unable to get inside, the defeated duo took off, without any money. “That’s an astute employee,” Miami Police Detective Kenia Fallat said. “He took a chance and ran to the door. He did the right thing.” A day after last Friday’s attempted heist, one of the men — who told police he was concerned after seeing bank surveillance video of himself on television — turned himself in. On Tuesday, his buddy did the same. Franklin Yamill Cuevas, 32, was charged with armed robbery with a deadly weapon and discharging a firearm in public. His buddy Kevin Alberto Reyes, 25, was charged as an accessory after the fact. Cuevas remained in jail Wednesday without bond. Police say it was just before 6 p.m. March 18 when Reyes parked his red, four-door Nissan Altima in front of Region’s Bank at 2800 NW Seventh St. Then, police said, Reyes got out of the car, walked through its glassed-encased ATM foyer and opened the bank’s front door to make sure it wasn’t locked. At the same time, the affidavit says, Cuevas walked outside the ATM entrance and “pulled out a semi-automatic pistol, inserted a magazine, cocked the gun, and shot three times in the air while standing by the door of the bank.” While firing his weapon, police said, Cuevas screamed, “This is a robbery, mother...” It scared the employees and customers enough to dive for cover, police said. But one worker leaped into quick action, locking the bank’s front door while Cuevas was going gangster outside. Stunned the door wouldn’t open, police said Cuevas backpedaled and jumped into the Altima while Reyes gunned the engine and took off. Reyes would later explain to police that he was out drinking with Cuevas before they headed to the bank. It was only after Cuevas got out of the car, Reyes said, that he heard the gunshots. Police said Reyes told them he was unaware Cuevas had a weapon. “But he did drive off with him after,” an officer wrote in Reyes’ arrest affidavit. Reyes also didn’t attempt to contact police until he saw his picture on television. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: Spreadsheet recovery Dear Webby I love Open Office....it crashed with a spread sheet open the other day...and although it can recover it, it has to "recover" it every time I try and open it. It's always the same, regardless of what spreadsheet I try and open -- the first time the recovery fails, the second time it is successful. I even upgraded to the newest version of Open Office this morning thinking maybe Open Office was corrupt, but the problem persists. A friend opening the same spreadsheet (shared in a group) doesn't get the message. Any ideas, oh great computer guru friend of mine? Donna Dear Donna Save it under a new name. Excel does the same. Just save it under a new name, and then later save it back with the old name. That usually fixes that common spreadsheet bug. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The most common form of marriage proposal: "YOU'RE WHAT!?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep a Medication List By Carol Swanson [37 Posts, 242 Comments] At the suggestion of my allergist, I keep an updated list of my medications in my handbag. She tells me that if you are taken to the hospital, it is very difficult to reconstruct a list of medicines for the patient. One never knows if they will be in an auto accident or suffer a stroke or other episode and not be able to speak for themselves. I keep my list on my computer so it is easy to update and to print out, but handwritten is good too. I also list non prescription items my doctors want me to have. Men can make a list to keep in their wallet. That way every time you leave your house you will have it with you. Source: My physician Don't forget your home! EMTs are trained to expect to see that list on your fridge. That way they instantly know about heart or diabetes or allergy conditions, instead of having to guess why you are on the floor making weird gestures. It doesn't have to be a big print, a post-it note size is enough. That can save your life. A month after my heart failure a few years ago friend once called the EMTs on me, when I didn't respond to her Skype messages because I was busy mopping the floors. They came storming in like a SWAT team, and ran to the fridge to look for my medication list. Luckily I do have one pinned up with a fridge magnet. Once they saw me mopping the floor they relaxed, but they pointed to the list and said they wished everybody had one pinned up on the fridge. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Delivering his speech at the opening banquet of a national convention, the visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day. Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested that the reporters omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers. A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be printed here." ___________________________________________________
baby elephant tries to figure out his trunk
____________________________________________________ >From Karla I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?" She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?" -------------- Reminds me of the time I told a telemarketer that the reason I was not interested in her long distance scam was because I didn't have a phone. She apologized for calling. ____________________________________________________ Q: What is the most dangerous part of a car? A: The nut that holds the steering wheel. ____________________________________________________
Beautiful Britain.

Today on March 31
1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the 
 Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to 
 convert to Christianity. 
1776 Abigail Adams wrote to her husband John that women 
 were "determined to foment a rebellion" if the new 
 Declaration of Independence failed to guarantee their rights. 
1779 Russia and Turkey signed a treaty concerning military 
 action in Crimea. 
1854 The U.S. government signed the Treaty of Kanagawa with 
 Japan. The act opened the ports of Shimoda and Hakotade to 
 American trade. 
1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely 
 illuminated with electric light. 
1889 In Paris, the Eiffel Tower officially opened. 
1900 In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing the 
 workday for women and children to 11 hours. 
1904 In India, hundreds of Tibetans were slaughtered by the British. 
1905 Kaiser Wilhelm arrived in Tangier proclaiming to support for 
 an independent state of Morocco. 
1908 250,000 coal miners in Indianapolis, IN, went on strike to 
 await a wage adjustment. 
1909 Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina. 
1917 The U.S. purchased and took possession of the Virgin Islands 
 from Denmark for $25 million. 
1921 Great Britain declared a state of emergency because of the 
 thousands of coal miners on strike. 
1932 The Ford Motor Co. debuted its V-8 engine. 
1933 The U.S. Congress authorized the Civilian Conservation Corps 
 to relieve rampant unemployment. 
1939 Britain and France agreed to support Poland if Germany 
 threatened invasion. 
1941 Germany began a counter offensive in North Africa. 
1946 Monarchists won the elections in Greece. 
1948 The Soviets in Germany began controlling the Western 
 trains headed toward Berlin. 
1949 Winston Churchill declared that the A-bomb was the only 
 thing that kept the U.S.S.R. from taking over Europe. 
1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its 
 10th province. 
1966 An estimated 200,000 anti-war demonstrators march in 
 New York City. (New York) 
1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the first 
 spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit. 
1980 U.S. President Carter deregulated the banking industry. 
1986 167 people died when a Mexicana Airlines Boeing 727 crashed 
 in Los Angeles. 
1989 Canada and France signed a fishing rights pact. 
1991 Iraqi forces recaptured the northern city of Kirkuk from 
 Kurdish guerillas. 
2004 Air America Radio launched five stations around the U.S. 
2004 Google Inc. announced that it would be introducing a 
 free e-mail service called Gmail.
2016  smiled.


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Find and weed out files 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
SPECIAL EASTER EGG from McAfee McAefee Total Protection $29.99 March 25 - 28
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texas woman arested after she brings her drugs to police to get them tested for Ebola Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 30, in 1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched into Paris. They did not like his ideas of democracy. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ If you believe the doctors, nothing is wholesome; if you believe the theologians, nothing is innocent; if you believe the military, nothing is safe. --- Lord Salisbury Never exaggerate your faults. Your friends will attend to that. --- Sir Francis Bacon _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Jean The Irish are a wonderful bunch of people, always willing to help in a pinch ..... Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Atlantic flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 120 passen- gers on board and unfortunately, we received only 100 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience. When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight " Her next announcement came about 3-1/2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we still have 100 dinners available". ______________________________________________________ There were 3 sisters on a train and they had been talking for some time when they decided to pass the time by telling each other what their greatest sins where. The first sister got up and said, "My greatest sin is sex. Every year I go out for a week and become a prostitute. Of course I put all the money I earn in the poor box, but that is my greatest sin." The second sister got up and said, "My greatest sin is drinking. Every year take the money out of the poor box and drink for one week straight." The third sister was sitting there being very quite. The others told her: "come on now, we told you our worst sins, what is yours?" The third sister got up and said, "Well, I don't really have any great sins, but I do gossip a bit now and then." ______________________________________________________ Smog Hills, Sausalito ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Miranda Johns, 21, Naples, Floriduh Texas woman arested after she brings her drugs to police to get them tested for Ebola A Texas police department posted a fake news alert on Facebook warning of drugs contaminated with Ebola, and, incredibly, one woman actually showed up for the “screening” and was promptly arrested. “This morning, we had our first concerned citizen notify the Granite Shoals Police Department that they believed their methamphetamine may be tainted. Our officers gladly took the item for further testing,” the department posted on its official Facebook page with the hashtag #notkidding. Police also posted the booking photo of a smiling Chasity Eugina Hopson, who now faces drug-related charges. Hopson was the first to respond to this “breaking news” alert. I looked all over to see if this was a hoax, but all the news services reported it as a true story. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Caralee Re: Sort and weed out files Dear Webby ... Now for my question, is there a Pro tip for sorting out files, that is less cumbersome than dragging them to different drives and directories? Thanks Caralee Dear Caralee First get "Search Everything" from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools forget the Windows search, it is too slow and might crash your machine. Make desktop shortcuts to MID, MP3, MP4, etc., not too far from the Recycle bin. Then with Search Everything search for *.mid and set the Search for Audio The first time you use it, it will be slow, because it catalogs all your drives. After that it will be lightning fast. Then go through the found list. Don't worry, unlike the Windows search, it won't disappear when you click in it. SHIFT Drag the keepers into the MID shortcut, and the rest into the recycle bin. Then do the same with MP4, and of course pictures and videos. There is no program, that will know which ones are keepers, and which ones are not. Sorting the found bunch by size does help. Most of the really small stuff is just nuisance anyway. Just take your time and and wade through them. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: NO, SIR! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Emergency Laundry Detergent Substitutions If you run out of laundry detergent towards the end of the month and don't want to spend your last $'s, regular dish liquid will work great. I use 3 big squirts for a normal size load to get clean clothes with no foaming. By Margaret ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Here is an oldie-goldie that came back via the Folks from Erie: An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling of Expensive perfume. She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Romance" by Ralph Lauren, $150 an ounce!" Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator, and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman saying, "Channel No. 5, $200 an ounce!" About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, then bends over and trumpets a fart like the finale of an opera. Just before the elevator doors close behind her, she turns and whispers into the eyewatering fumes: "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound." ___________________________________________________
daddy-daughter song The fireworks show had just ended, but she thought she kept hearing them outside. So we sang to keep her mind preoccupied. In the end, nothing competes with fireworks.
____________________________________________________ Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something 'practical' for her birthday. "Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted. "It's your account, Cathy," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application." Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for 'Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, she put down 'Piggy.' ____________________________________________________ I went with my daughter to visit a prestigious university. Our student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told us that the professors were the best in the country, and she re- commended my daughter apply early to improve her chances for admission. "We get so many applicants," she boasted, "because of the stature of the school." After the tour I asked our guide, "So, why did you choose this school?" "Oh," she replied matter-of-factly, "my boyfriend graduated here and works at the McDonalds across the street, and he has a car." ____________________________________________________
People are AWESOME, best of the month for March 2016.

Today on March 30
1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of Aragon. 
1814 The allied European nations against Napoleon marched 
 into Paris. They did not like his ideas of democracy.
1822 Florida became a U.S. territory. 
1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation 
 while his patient was anesthetized by ether. 
1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri 
 invaded the territory of Kansas and forced the election of 
 a pro-slavery legislature. It was the first election in Kansas. 
1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil. 
1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million.
1909 The Queensboro bridge in New York opened linking Manhattan 
 and Queens. It was the first double decker bridge. 
1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against meager pay 
 for government jobs. 
1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison in Mexico. 
1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 38 warships. 
1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko in 
 Nanking, China. 
1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel began its 
 first offensive against British forces in Libya. 
1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines. 
1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded Austria after World War II. 
1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive 
 the Nazi party in Frankfurt. 
1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced. 
1950 U.S. President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy as 
 a saboteur of U.S. foreign policy. 
1964 John Glenn withdrew from the Ohio race for U.S. Senate 
 because of injuries suffered in a fall. 
1972 The British government assumed direct rule over 
 Northern Ireland. 
1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese 
 troops crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the 
 northern portion of South Vietnam. 
1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon South 
 Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation. 
1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded in 
 Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police officers 
 and Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded. 
1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" was bought for $39.85 million. 
1993 In Sarajevo, two Serb militiamen were sentenced to death for 
 war crimes committed in Bosnia. 
1993 In the Peanuts comic strip, Charlie Brown hit his first 
 home run. 
1994 Serbs and Croats signed a cease-fire to end their war in 
 Croatia while Bosnian Muslims and Serbs continued to fight each other. 
1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal. 
2002 An unmanned U.S. spy plane crashed at sea in the Southern 
 Philippines. 
2002 Islamic militants set off several grenades at a temple in 
 Indian-controlled Kashmir. Four civilians, four policemen and 
 two attackers were killed and 20 people were injured.
2016  smiled.


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Simple calendar 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
SPECIAL EASTER EGG from McAfee McAefee Total Protection $29.99 March 25 - 28
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida woman charged after she recorded herself having sex with two dogs Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 29, in 1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. It had been launched on November 3, 1973. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ "According to a new study, children that snore get lower grades...especially if they're snoring in class." --- Jay Leno The important thing is not to stop questioning. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Anne opened a letter from home and found a $10 bill inside. As she read the letter, she caught sight of a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against a lamppost below. Quickly she wrote, "Don't despair, Sister Anne" on a piece of paper, wrapped the $10 in it and dropped it out the window. The stranger picked it up and, with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street. The next day Sister Anne was told that a man was at the door, insisting on seeing her. She went down and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a roll of bills. "What's this?" she asked. "That's the 60 bucks you have coming. 'Don't Despair' paid five to one." ______________________________________________________ A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start. She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off. I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 50 mph, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions. ______________________________________________________ Rainbow Clouds in Scotland ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Miranda Johns, 21, Naples, Floriduh Florida woman charged after she recorded herself having sex with two dogs A Florida woman was charged Monday with engaging in sexual conduct with animals. Collier County Sheriff’s Office deputies say Miranda Johns, 21, of Naples, recorded herself while she had sex with her two dogs, NBC affiliate WBBH-TV reports. Johns allegedly sent the videos to her boyfriend, according to WBBH-TV. The boyfriend later told officials about the footage during a domestic complaint call. Investigators allegedly found videos of the sexual encounters involving Johns’ two dogs and arrested her on three counts of engaging in sexual conduct with animals, and plastered her picture and name onto all the Florida news. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jeanne Re: Simple Calendar Dear Webby I need a simple calendar program, not to enter stuff into it, just for looking up what kind of weekday certain dates are. Thanks Jeanne Dear Jeanne get Windows to show the date in the right hand bottom corner, if it doesn't already. Just doubleclick the date, and a calendar pops up. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Arthur called in a repairman to fix his electric clock. He examined it and told him, "There's nothing wrong with the clock. You didn't have it plugged in." Arthur replied, "I don't want to waste electricity, so I only plug it in when I want to know what time it is." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Banana Bars By Robin [5,892 Posts, 29 Comments] Ingredients 1/2 cup margarine 1 1/2 cups sugar 1 cup mashed bananas 2 eggs 3/4 cup sour cream 1 tsp. vanilla 2 cups flour 1/4 tsp. salt 1 tsp. soda Frosting: 1 pkg. cream cheese (8oz.) 1/2 cup margarine 1 box powdered sugar (1lb.) 1 tsp. almond extract Directions Mix together above ingredients. Bake at 350 degrees F for 30 minutes or until golden brown. Frost, when cooled, with cream cheese frosting For frosting, mix together all ingredients until smooth. By Robin from Washington, IA ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ While on a car trip, an old couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The old woman unfortunately left her glasses on the table, but didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The old man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. When they finally arrived, as the old woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the old man said, "While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too." ___________________________________________________
the Voca People
____________________________________________________ A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How did you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said: 'Four better, four worse, four richer, four poorer.' " ____________________________________________________ The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned office insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yes Sir, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our ***** with leaves. " ____________________________________________________
A man turns a single tree stump into a beautiful work of art.

Today on March 29
1461 Edward IV secured his claim to the English throne by 
 defeating Henry VI’s Lancastrians at the battle of Towdon. 
1638 First permanent European settlement in Delaware.
1847 U.S. troops under General Winfield Scott took possession 
 of the Mexican stronghold at Vera Cruz. 
1848 Niagara Falls stopped flowing for one day due to an ice jam. 
1867 The British Parliament passed the North America Act to 
 create the Dominion of Canada. 
1903 A regular news service began between New York and London 
 on Marconi's wireless. 
1906 In the U.S., 500,000 coal miners walked off the job 
 seeking higher wages. 
1936 Italy firebombed the Ethiopian city of Harar. 
1941 The British sank five Italian warships off the 
 Peloponnesus coast in the Mediterranean. 
1943 In the U.S. rationing of meat, butter and cheese 
 began during World War II. 
1951 The Chinese reject MacArthur's offer for a truce in Korea. 
1951 In the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were 
 convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage. They were 
 executed in June 19, 1953. 
1962 Cuba opened the trial of the Bay of Pigs invaders. 
1967 France launched its first nuclear submarine. 
1971 Lt. William Calley Jr., of the U.S. Army, was found 
 guilty of the premeditated murder of at least 22 Vietnamese 
 civilians. He was sentenced to life imprisonment. The trial 
 was the result of the My Lai massacre in Vietnam in 1968. 
1971 A jury in Los Angeles recommended the death penalty for 
 Charles Manson and three female followers for the 1969 
 Tate-La Bianca murders. The death sentences were later 
 commuted to life in prison. 
1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam.
1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first 
 spacecraft to reach the planet Mercury. It had been launched 
 on November 3, 1973. 
1974 Eight Ohio National Guardsmen were indicted on charges 
 stemming from the shooting deaths of four students at Kent 
 State University on May 4, 1970. All the guardsmen were 
 later acquitted. 
1975 Egyptian president Anwar Sadat declared that he would 
 reopen the Suez Canal on June 5, 1975. 
1979 The Committee on Assassinations Report issued by U.S. 
 House of Representatives stated the assassination of President 
 John F. Kennedy was the result of a conspiracy. 
1987 Hulk Hogan took 11 minutes, 43 seconds to pin Andre the 
 Giant in front of 93,136 at Wrestlemania III fans at the 
 Silverdome in Pontiac, MI. 
1992 Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton said 
 "I didn't inhale and I didn't try it again" in reference to 
 when he had experimented with marijuana. 
1993 The South Korean government agreed to pay financial support 
 to women who had been forced to have sex with Japanese troops 
 during World War II. 
2004 Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia and 
 Slovenia became members of NATO.
2016  smiled.


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Trimming mailboxes 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
SPECIAL EASTER EGG from McAfee McAefee Total Protection $29.99 March 25 - 28
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida woman runs over boyfriend outside topless spot Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 28, in 2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself. [info][add][mail][note]Marlene Dietrich (1901 - 1992) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A fifth grader is heading to school one morning when his mother stops him and says, "The neck tag on your shirt is hanging out." "I know," the boy says. "It's a fad some of the guys started." Day in and day out, the tag at the back of his neck sticks out until one morning his mother says, "I can't stand it. Every time I see that, I want to fix it for you," and she gently tucks the tag in place and rumples his hair. The youngster smiles slyly and says, "Yeah, all the girls do, too." ______________________________________________________ A young man who wants to see the world signs on to a tramp steamer to be trained as a helmsman. He masters the classroom instruction, then starts his practical training on the wheel of the vessel. In his first lesson, the mate gives him a heading, and the young fellow holds to it. Then the mate orders, "Come starboard." Pleased at knowing immediately which way starboard is, the young man leaves the helm and walks over to his instructor. The mate has an incredulous look on his face as the helm swings freely. Then, rather gently considering the circumstance, he asks politely, "Could you bring the ship with you?" ______________________________________________________ >From my Lillemor Axel Hagstrom, Lysekil Sweden had just parked his car, to take pictures of birds. He could hear geese and aimed his camera They flew in usual formation and as if posing, for about 20 seconds they formed this unusual pattern, then went back to normal flight. Lillemor. You may have to sit back to see the peace dove formation. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Erikka Christine Hope, 24, Palm Bay, Florida Florida woman runs over boyfriend outside topless spot A 24-year-old Palm Bay woman who police said confronted her boyfriend outside of a topless bar and then ran him over with a car in the parking lot of the business, remains jailed. Erikka Christine Hope was charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, battery, leaving the scene of an accident with injuries and possession of a controlled substance, after Palm Bay police were called to Pin Ups Gentleman’s Club, 2586 Palm Bay Rd., to investigative reports someone had been run down with a car. Officers tracked Hope back to the home she shared with the man and was taken into custody, reports show. Hope, identified by a tattoo to her leg reading, 'Still Standing,' is being held on a $33,000 bond at the Brevard County Jail Complex in Sharpes. Police said the confrontation took place about 1 a.m. Saturday when Hope drove up to Pin Ups to confront her live-in boyfriend for ‘being at the establishment.’ Hope spotted the man and an argument took place outside, with Hope either slapping or punching the man in the face in an incident captured mostly on surveillance cameras. Officers said the pair continued to struggle off camera when Hope got into a Toyota and backed out of the parking space before suddenly halting. Police said Hope then aimed the vehicle at the man and struck him, causing him to spill up on the hood of the car and headlong into the windshield. Hope then struck two other vehicles as she attempted to leave the parking lot. Police have not yet released the video. Officers also later found several tablets of Xanax in her car, reports show. She was booked into the Brevard County Jail Complex and will have a new court date on May 3. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Angela Re: Trimming mailboxes Dear Webby I was told to speed up my computer, I have to "trim my mailboxes". How do I do that? Angela Dear Angela First dump the Trash, spam, and the junk folder. Make new mailboxes or folders for IN15, OUT15 Move all mail from the IN box that is from before 2016 into the IN15. Do the same with the OUT mailbox. Everything older than 2016 goes into OUT15. The IN, OUT and TRASH are usually kept in memory, so cleaning those will speed things up the most. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ An elderly retired couple were driving down the East coast, when they stopped in Georgia for a fuel stop. The elderly woman was very hard of hearing, and usually asked her husband to repeat everything. An elderly station attendent came to the car and started filling the fuel tank. Making idle talk, he asked if the man liked the weather, to which the man replied, "very much". What'd he say?, asked the woman. "He asked if I like the weather, and I told hime yes", replied her husband. "Where are you-all headed", asked the attendant. "Oh, we're going to Jacksonville", he repied. "What'd he say?", asked the woman. "He asked "Where we're going, and I told him to Jacksonville", the husband replied. "Where are you-all from", inquired the attendant a few moments later. "Oh, we're from Maine," the man replied. "Ah, I was in Maine for two years while I was in the Air Force, replied the attendant. In fact, I dated a girl from Maine while I was there. It didn't last long though. I have to tell you, that girl was the worst cook I ever knew." "What'd he say?" inquired the woman. "He said he thinks he knows you," replied her husband. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flatbread Pizza/Calzone By Donna [317 Posts, 335 Comments] I am following a carb restricted diet, but LOVE pizza. I tried using flatbread as my thin crust with great results. It can be rolled up into a Calzone type meal as well! Approximate Time: 10 minutes Ingredients: What you add to the flat bread is entirely up to you. Below are my suggestions: flatbread onions green pepper mushrooms meats or meat substitutes tomatoes, diced canned tomatoes or pizza sauce spices, fresh or dried 1/2 cup shredded mozzarella cheese or slices Flatbread Pizza/Calzone Steps: Simply spray oil on the pan lightly. Add your flatbread. Top with your choice of ingredients. Place in oven at 350 F for only a few minutes to let everything warm and the cheese to melt. Simple! We didn't leave ours in very long. It's really good, and you can get a larger meal for less carbs than one slice of thin slice pizza! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her. "Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?" The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "You are looking just fine, don't worry." ___________________________________________________
MAF Twin Otter Landing - scary
____________________________________________________ Bob was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was his first time in a casino, and he wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." he said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed him how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" he asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM." ____________________________________________________ The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly," he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped. "OK, I'll just write down: 'As old as the Hills'," he told her as he safely stepped out of reach. ____________________________________________________
20 optical illusions that will blow you mind!

Today on March 28
1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine. 
1854 The Crimean War began with Britain and France 
 declaring war on Russia. 
1898 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a child born in the 
 U.S. to Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen. This meant 
 that they could not be deported under the Chinese Exclusion Act. 
1905 The U.S. took full control over Dominican revenues. 
1908 Automobile owners lobbied the U.S. Congress, supporting 
 a bill that called for vehicle licensing and federal registration. 
1910 The first seaplane took off from water at Martinques, 
 France. The pilot was Henri Fabre. 
1922 Bradley A. Fiske patented a microfilm reading device. 
1930 Constantinople and Angora changed their names to 
 Istanbul and Ankara respectively. 
1933 In Germany, the Nazis ordered a ban on all Jews in 
 businesses, professions and schools. 
1938 In Italy, psychiatrists demonstrated the use of 
 electric-shock therapy for treatment of certain mental illnesses. 
1939 The Spanish Civil War ended as Madrid fell to Francisco Franco. 
1941 The Italian fleet was defeated by the British at the Battle 
 of Matapan. 
1942 British naval forces raided the Nazi occupied French 
 port of St. Nazaire. 
1945 Germany launched the last of the V-2 rockets against 
 England. 
1968 The U.S. lost its first F-111 aircraft in Vietnam when it 
 vanished while on a combat mission. North Vietnam claimed 
 that they had shot it down. 
1979 A major accident occurred at Pennsylvania's Three Mile 
 Island nuclear power plant. A nuclear power reactor 
 overheated and suffered a partial meltdown. 
1986 The U.S. Senate passed $100 million aid package for 
 the Nicaraguan contras. 
1990 Jesse Owens received the Congressional Gold Medal from 
 U.S. President George H.W. Bush. 
1990 In Britain, a joint Anglo-U.S. "sting" operation ended 
 with the seizure of 40 capacitors, which can be used in the 
 trigger mechanism of a nuclear weapon. 
1991 The U.S. embassy in Moscow was severely damaged by fire. 
2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal 
 to buy Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit.
2016  smiled.


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When invoices take up too much space 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 27

Happy Easter!

Remember what Easter is all about?
http://webby.com/humor/i/Easter/

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
SPECIAL EASTER EGG from McAfee McAefee Total Protection $29.99 March 25 - 28
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Ohio Ice cream parlor owner who sexually assaulted underage employees. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 27, in 1836 In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including their commander James Fannin, were executed under orders from Gen. Antonio López de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 Texans escaped execution. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. --- A. Whitney Brown Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. --- Jane Wagner _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone home." ______________________________________________________ A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'" A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that." The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?" The member of the flock said, "I sure could." "How would you do it?" "With all the leftovers from last Sunday!" ______________________________________________________ >From my dad This one bloomed today ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Wayne for reporting this one: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Danny Kitsos Powell, Ohio Ohio business owner charged for sexually assaulting underage employees A Delaware County business owner has been indicted on charges including rape and supplying illegal substances to underage female employees. Danny Kitsos was indicted on charges of rape, unlawful sexual conduct with a minor, sexual battery, compelling prostitution, selling, purchasing, distributing, or delivering dangerous drugs and supplying alcohol to minors. Kitsos is the former owner of Rita's Italian Ice in Powell and all of the victims were his employees at the time of the offenses. The indictment states that all five victims were under the age of 18 and the incidents took place between September 2012 to October 2015. The Delaware County Prosecutor's Office confirmed that Kitsos turned himself in to authorities Friday afternoon. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Britta Re: Invoices take too much space Dear Webby We save the doc files of all invoices, and the PDF files we make from those, but they are beginning to take up more space than I want to allocate for that. We can't do them online like you do, because half the clients are not online. We have to send them out as paper invoices. Any tips? Britta Dear Britta Proabbly a large portion of your invoice files are the logo, header, and footer. You can also move the small print and the paying instructions into the footer, since they never change. You CAN use common headers and footers in most word processors, but the most compact files are with HTML. You can view them with your browser right on your computer, without uploading them, and print them. To pull in a header you just type <.!--#include virtual="header.html"--> That includes the entire header, fancy logo and all, in time for viewing and printing. However, the file that you save has just that line. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ When your wife asks, "Do I look fat"? The correct response is, "Do I look stupid?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fun Ways to Make Easter Eggs By Donna [318 Posts, 335 Comments] pproximate Time: 1 hour Yield: 2 dozenFun Ways to Make Easter Eggs Ingredients: 12 hard boiled eggs 3 Tbsp mayonnaise, Nayo (Vegan Mayo) or Miracle Whip Any of your favorite spices in your cabinets. I tried: smoked paprika, salsa, sweet & sour cabbage, mustard, pickle relish, pesto, capers, green olives, and sesame seeds Steps: Hard boil your eggs and let them cool. Cut them in half and gently scoop out the yolks. Take a few yolks (I used 4 halves) and add your favorite spices along with 1 Tbsp. mayo. I had smoked paprika yokes with olive slices and capers. I mixed pesto with pickle relish and dotted some with Dijon mustard. They were all fantastic! Try different combinations! Then I filled a pastry bag with some mixed yolk and mayo. Then I piped a little peep into the half. I used black sesame seeds for the eyes. Just a lot of fun and made us all laugh. Then we gobbled them up! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that the elders of our church gave it to him last night." ___________________________________________________
tree spade
____________________________________________________ An African village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great white hunter, to come and kill the beast. For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never showed up. Finally, he told the tribal chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion. In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter lying there, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion. "What happened, bwana? Where is the lion? asked the chief. "Forget the damn lion !" he howled. "Which of you Idiots let the bull loose?" ____________________________________________________ "I'm ashamed of you," the mother said. "Fighting with your best friend is a terrible thing to do!" "He threw a rock at me!" the boy said. "So I threw one at him." The mother stated emphatically, "When he threw a rock at you, you should have come to me." The boy quickly replied, "What good would that have done? My aim is much better than yours." ____________________________________________________
Rock Balancing. And I have trouble balancing my checkbook!

Today on March 27
1794 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of the U.S. Navy. 
1836 In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including their 
 commander James Fannin, were executed under orders from 
 Gen. Antonio López de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 Texans 
 escaped execution. 
1836 The first Mormon temple was dedicated in Kirtland, OH. 
1841 The first steam fire engine was tested in New York City. 
1860 The corkscrew was patented by M.L. Byrn. 
1884 The first long-distance telephone call was made from 
 Boston to New York. 
1899 The first international radio transmission between 
 England and France was achieved by the Italian inventor 
 G. Marconi. 
1900 The London Parliament passed the War Loan Act that 
 gave 35 million pounds to the Boer War cause in South Africa. 
1900 The Russian army mobilized 250,000 troops for active duty. 
1901 Filipino rebel leader Emilio Aguinaldo was captured by the U.S. 
1904 Mary Jarris "Mother" Jones was ordered by Colorado state 
 authorities to leave the state. She was accused of stirring up 
 striking coal miners. 
1912 The first cherry blossom trees were planted in Washington, 
 DC. The trees were a gift from Japan. 
1931 Actor Charlie Chaplin received France’s Legion of Honor
1933 About 55,000 people staged a protest against Hitler in 
 New York City. 
1941 Tokeo Yoshikawa arrived in Oahu, HI, and began spying 
 for Japan on the U.S. Fleet at Pearl Harbor. 
1942 The British raided the Nazi submarine base at 
 St. Nazaire, France. 
1946 Four-month long strikes at both General Electric and 
 General Motors ended with a wage increase. 
1952 The U.S. Eighth Army reached the 38th parallel in Korea, 
 the original dividing line between the two Koreas. 
1958 The U.S. announced a plan to explore space near the moon. 
1989 The U.S. anti-missile satellite failed the first test
1997 Russian workers, nearly 2 million, held a nationwide 
 strike to protest unpaid wages. 
1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved the prescription drug Viagra. 
2004 NASA successfully launched an unpiloted X-43A jet that hit 
 Mach 7 (about 5,000 mph). 
2007 NFL owners voted to make instant replay a permanent 
 officiating tool.
2016  smiled.


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Rejection Lines 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 26

Remember what Easter is all about?
http://webby.com/humor/i/Easter/

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
SPECIAL EASTER EGG from McAfee McAefee Total Protection $29.99 March 25 - 28
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida car burglar arrested after he admits that he Burglarizes Cars To Ease His Boredom Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 26, in 1804 The U.S. Congress ordered the removal of Indians east of the Mississippi to Louisiana. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --- Al Gore, when he was Vice President _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Then the preacher introduced the choir: "This is our prison choir," he said, "behind a few bars and always looking for the key." ______________________________________________________ A formally dressed gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, "how a year ago, I ate just such a fine repast here, and then, because I couldn't pay for it, you had me thrown into the alley like a common bum?" "I'm very sorry sir..." began the contrite headwaiter. "Oh, it's quite all right." said the guest, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you again." ______________________________________________________ >From my dad This one bloomed today ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Harrison McLain Eulett, 18, Palm Harbor, Floriduh Florida car burglar arrested after he admits that he Burglarizes Cars To Ease His Boredom Harrison McLain Eulett. By his own account, the 18-year-old Floridian “has a job and money,” but still likes to burglarize cars as a way to ease his boredom. Master Eulett was arrested early yesterday in connection with a recent series of thefts from autos parked in Palm Harbor, a community on the state’s west coast. During police questioning, Eulett reportedly copped to the 2 AM burglaries, saying that he and four friends drove around looking for “unlocked vehicles to get money.” Eulett also felt the need to say that he “has no remorse,” according to an arrest affidavit. Additionally, the teen noted that he “has a job and money and just does this because he is bored,” according to cops. Eulett made sure to add that, “These people got what they deserve,” apparently for leaving their vehicles unlocked. Eulett was charged with auto theft and four counts of burglary. He is locked up in lieu of $45,000 bond on the five felony charges. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Rejection Line Dear Webby I know you have given these numbers in the past. I hope you will run them again. I lost the telemarketor fake numbers. The ones that give THEM the pre recorded message. Please Thank You Brenda Dear Brenda For those not familiar with Rejection lines: You give these numbers to telemarketers and people, who you don't want to call you. They get a sappy message about how they have been rejected. On THEIR dime. Just tell the caller: "She is not here right now. Please call 626 207 5412." or any of these numbers. You can even put them on fake business cards to hand out at conventions, so that you won't get pestered by folow-ups that you are not interested in. New York: 212-479-7990 Los Angeles Area: 626-207-5412 310-495-5412 213-363-5412 323-281-9412 909-650-5412 714-607-5412 818-663-5412 562-223-5412 310-217-7638 949-256-5412 San Diego: 619-801-5412 760-204-5412 San Francisco: 415-620-5412 415-356-9833 Oakland: 510-699-5412 San Jose: 408-344-9412 Boston: 617-861-3962 Chicago: 773-509-5096 Atlanta: 770-908-7383 770-723-7256 Orlando: 407-916-ROCK Birmingham: 205-250-0408 Denver: 303-575-1696 Seattle: 206-781-3928 Washington DC: 202-452-7468 Tampa Bay: 727-579-2078 Rochester: 585-399-5902 Rhode Island: 401-648-6543 New Hampshire: 603-413-2340 England: 09061 100 596 Dublin, Ireland: (+353) (01) 2194862 Australia: 0406650430 Canada: 403-775-9982 Calgary 780-669-5270 Edmonton 905-963-0318 Hamilton 519-488-2355 London 514-667-0361 Montreal 613-686-3620 Ottawa 647-476-4910 Toronto 778-786-8557 Vancouver 250-984-0686 Victoria 204-272-3976 Winnipeg There are probably more, but those are all I got right now. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The Students in Judy's sixth-grade class were bombarding her with questions about her newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice at the back called out: "Wow! Both ears with one shot!" And Little Johnny of course had to chime in too. He asked, "How far back did they stand?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Cat and Dog Hair from Bed Sheets and Blankets By Cricket [205 Posts, 895 Comments] Take a roll of wide duct tape. Unroll just enough to wrap it around the spool backwards and stick to the beginning. Then roll this over your sheets and blankets. It'll pick it all up. If it gets full of hair and debris, simply cut off this section and roll out a fresh section. I have 2 black dogs who sleep with me and I do this every morning when I make the bed. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowboy. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire him and give him a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?" (Any real coboy knows the answer to that question: City Slickers) ___________________________________________________
Tom Hank movies in 7 minutes
____________________________________________________ >Thanks to FT for this one: ONE DAY a young man came up to my window at the bank and whispered, "Please deposit this hundred dollars in my savings account." I handled the transaction and whispered back, "Have a good day." He started to leave but changed his mind. "I'm sorry we have to whisper," he said, "but if my car knows I've deposited money, it'll break down again." With his finger to his lips he tip-toed out. ____________________________________________________ While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store. On slow nights my co-worker Susan would often sing along with the radio while we did paperwork or restocked merchandise. One evening as the manager was leaving, I expressed my concern to him about our safety, with just us two working alone at night. "Oh, you'll be fine," he said, waving his hand. "If you see anybody who looks suspicious, just warn him that Susan knows karaoke." ____________________________________________________
Ten abandoned palaces and crypts in Poland.

Today on March 26
1026 Conrad II was crowned Holy Roman Emperor by Pope John XIX. 
1799 Napoleon captured Jaffa Palestine. 
1793 The Holy Roman Emperor formally declared war on France. 
1804 The U.S. Congress ordered the removal of Indians east 
 of the Mississippi to Louisiana. 
1885 Eastman Kodak (Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co.) produced 
 the first commercial motion picture film in Rochester, NY. 
1909 Russian troops invaded Persia to support Muhammad Ali 
 as shah in place of the constitutional government. 
1910 The U.S. Congress passed an amendment to the 1907 
 Immigration Act that barred criminals, paupers, anarchists 
 and carriers of disease from settling in the U.S. 
1917 At the start of the battle of Gaza, the British cavalry 
 withdrew when 17,000 Turks blocked their advance. 
1937 Spinach growers in Crystal City, TX, erected a statue of Popeye. 
1938 Herman Goering warned all Jews to leave Austria. 
1942 The Germans began sending Jews to Auschwitz in Poland. 
1945 The battle of Iwo Jima ended. 
1945 In the Aleutians, the battle of Komandorski began when the 
 Japanese attempted to reinforce a garrison at Kiska and were 
 intercepted by a U.S. naval force. 
1958 The U.S. Army launched America's third successful satellite, 
 Explorer III. 
1971 Sheikh Mujibur Rahman declared East Pakistan to be the 
 independent republic of Bangladesh. 
1979 The Camp David treaty was signed by Israel and Egypt that 
 ended the 31-year state of war between the countries. 
1992 In Indianapolis, heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson 
 was found guilty of rape. He was sentenced to 6 years in prison. 
 He only served three. 
1995 Seven of the 15 European Union states abolished border controls. 
1996 The International Monetary Fund approved a $10.2 billion loan 
 for Russia to help the country transform its economy. 
1997 The 39 bodies of Heaven's Gate members are found in a mansion 
 in Rancho Santa Fe, CA. The group had committed suicide thinking 
 that they would be picked up by a spaceship following behind the 
 comet Hale-Bopp. 
1998 In the U.S., the Federal government endorses new HIV test 
 that yields instant results. 
1999 The macro virus "Melissa" was reported for the first. 
1999 In Michigan, Dr. Jack Kevorkian was convicted of second-
 degree murder for giving a terminally ill man a lethal 
 injection and putting it all on videotape on September 17, 
 1998 for "60 Minutes." 
2000 The Seattle Kingdome was imploded to make room for a 
 new football arena. 
2000 In Russia, acting President Vladimir Putin was elected 
 president outright. 


2016  smiled.


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Graphics program to do cloning 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 25
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Donna!



Remember what  Easter is all about?


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
SPECIAL EASTER EGG from McAfee McAefee Total Protection $29.99 March 25 - 28
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Decatur teacher charged with sex with 2 students Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 25, in 0421 The city of Venice was founded. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. ---Willis Player ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life and practice his hobby of yard work. Needing a lawn mower, he headed into town to buy one. On the way he saw a sign advertising a lawn mower for sale. He stopped at the house and a young lad came out to greet him. The preacher asked about the lawn mower and the kid said it was behind the house. The two went to look at the lawn mower. The engine was sputtering along at idle speed. The preacher increased the speed of the engine and mowed a few strips. Satisfied that the mower would do the job they settled on a price of $75.00. Later in the day, the young lad was riding his bicycle when he spied the preacher pulling on the engine starter rope. The kid stopped and watched for a couple of minutes. He asked, "What's wrong?" The reply came, "I can't get this mower started. Do you know how?" The kid said, "Yep." "Well, then how do you do it? Tell me!", the preacher yelled. The kid replied, "You have to cuss it." The preacher rose up indignantly. "Now you listen here. I am a preacher and if I ever did cuss, not saying I have, I've forgotten how to do it after all these years." With a wise look on his face , the kid said, "Preacher, you keep on pulling that rope and it'll all come back to ya." ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Father: That happens in every country, son. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for her Easter Tree ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Naysha Barre-Parrilla, 24, and Carrie Cabri Witt, 42, Decatur, Alabama Alabama teacher charged with sex with 2 students Decatur police have arrested a local teacher accused of having a sexual relationship with at least two students. Carrie Cabri Witt, 42, is charged with two counts of a school employee engaging in a sex act or deviant sexual intercourse with a student under the age of 19. Witt teaches history, psychology and social studies at Decatur High School. She also coaches girls' golf and junior varsity cheerleaders, according to the school's website. Police received information on March 17 that Witt had been involved in a sexual relationship with at least one student under the age of 19. Detectives interviewed numerous people and found there was a second victim in this case. Detectives contacted Witt at her home on Monday. She was brought to the Decatur Police Department for questioning. At the conclusion of the interview, Witt was placed under arrest. Her charges are class B felonies. Witt was booked into the Decatur City Jail and later transferred to the Morgan County Jail in lieu of a $10,000 aggregate bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Carol Re: Graphics program for cloning Dear Webby Do you know of an inexpensive photo program that has a "clone" feature? I really enjoy your posts on FB as well as the Humor Letter. Thanks... Carol Dear Carol I use an old copy of Paint Shop Pro, that you can still get on eBay. It has a clone brush to, for example, move a bush in front of your mother-in-law or a butterfly onto a grand daughter. If you have the time to learn the program, download GIMP. https://www.gimp.org/downloads/ GIMP is the most complete graphics program, and is free. However, because it does EVERYTHING, it can be confusing to beginners. If you want to clone from one picture to another, expand the canvas size of the picture. Do not zoom it, leave it the same size, just widen the canvas, so that you have empty space beside the picture. Then paste for example a donkey in there, and then clone from the donkey to some relative, who is out of favor. Cloning a braying donkey's mouth onto the loudmouth brother in law is TOO easy and tempting! When done, crop the picture and discard the extension. You will be surprised how much fun the Clone brush can be! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks: "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks: "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Social Science degree asks: "Do you want fries with that?" The graduate with a Literature degree asks: "Can you vote for Broom Hilda so Obama won't get deported?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Drink Bottle for Watering Seeds By ShirleyE [60 Posts, 52 Comments] Seeds and seedlings of course need watering carefully so they don't get battered or washed about. If you don't have a small watering can you can use a drink bottle. Carefully make holes in the lid. This is best done with a drill bit, but if you don't possess a drill you can use pointed scissors. Be very careful if using scissors as they can slip or pierce quite suddenly and injure you. Make sure you use a wooden board and press the scissor point directly downwards. Now you can fill the bottle, replace the lid and use it like a watering can. Using a drillbit or a preferably hot nail is much safer. Scissors have a tendency to suddenly close or do other unexpected things. They are made for cutting, not for drilling. You can heat a piece of coathanger wire or hay wire over a candle and safely melt permanent holes into the plastic cap. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A rather Posh Lady was sauntering around an exclusive London art gallery when she stopped by one particular exhibit. "I suppose this picture of a hideous witch is what you would call modern art?" she sneered in a very pompous manner. "No, Ma'm," replied the gallery assistant, "it's what we call a mirror." ___________________________________________________
watch the hamster
____________________________________________________ The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Ma say to Pa: 'Let's have the old goat for dinner this Sunday.'" ____________________________________________________ The good bishop knew very well that not only did everyone in his small town look to him for an example, but that all too often, all eyes were on him as potential fodder for the local gossip mill, as well. This could be wearing; but usually, he was able to provide the good example and escape the tattlers. One night, however, after a long, hard day, a social obligation beckoned on top of his church responsibilities, and he came to a sudden stopping place. His hostess, noting that he looked tired, asked with concern, "A spot of tea, Bishop?" "No, thank you," he managed. "No tea." "Ah," she said. "Coffee, then?" "No coffee either, thank you." In the spirit of conspiracy, she leaned closer and murmured, "I could bring you a scotch and soda in an opaque mug?" "My dear, this is my last word: NO soda." ____________________________________________________
Street art portraits.

Today on March 25
0421 The city of Venice was founded. 
1306 Robert the Bruce was crowned king of Scotland. 
1409 The Council of Pisa opened. 
1634 Lord Baltimore founded the Catholic colony of Maryland.
1655 Puritans jailed Governor Stone after a military victory 
 over Catholic forces in the colony of Maryland. 
1655 Christian Huygens discovered Titan. Titan is Saturn's 
 largest satellite. 
1669 Mount Etna in Sicily erupted destroying Nicolosi. 
 20,000 people were killed. 
1807 The first railway passenger service began in England. 
1807 British Parliament abolished the slave trade. 
1813 The frigate USS Essex flew the first U.S. flag in battle 
 in the Pacific. 
1820 Greece freedom revolt against anti Ottoman attack 
1821 Greece gained independence from Turkey. 
1856 A. E. Burnside patented Burnside carbine. 
1857 Frederick Laggenheim took the first photo of a solar eclipse. 
1865 The SS General Lyon at Cape Hatteras caught fire and sank. 
 400 people were killed. 
1895 Italian troops invaded Abyssinia (Ethiopia). 
1901 The Mercedes was introduced by Daimler at the five-day 
 "Week of Nice" in Nice, France. 
1901 It was reported in Washington, DC, that Cubans were 
 beginning to fear annexation. 
1902 Irving W. Colburn patented the sheet glass drawing machine. 
1902 In Russia, 567 students were found guilty of "political 
 disaffection." 95 students were exiled to Siberia. 
1905 Rebel battle flags that were captured during the American 
 Civil War were returned to the South. 
1905 Russia received Japan's terms for peace. 
1907 Nicaraguan troops took Tegucigalpa, the capital of Honduras. 
1909 In Russia, revolutionary Popova was arrested on 
 300 murder charges. 
1911 In New York City, 146 women were killed in fire at the 
 Triangle Shirtwaist Company in New York City. The owners of 
 the company were indicted on manslaughter charges because some 
 of the employees had been behind locked doors in the factory. 
 The owners were later acquitted and in 1914 they were ordered 
 to pay damages to each of the twenty-three families that had sued. 
1913 The Palace Theatre opened in New York City. 
1915 21 people died when a U.S. F-4 submarine sank off the 
 Hawaiian coast. 
1940 The U.S. agreed to give Britain and France access to all 
 American warplanes. 
1941 Yugoslavia joined the Axis powers. 
1941 The first paprika mill was incorporated in Dollon, SC. 
1947 A coalmine explosion in Centralia, IL, killed 111 people. 
1953 The USS Missouri fired on targets at Kojo, North Korea. 
1954 RCA manufactured its first color TV set
1957 The European Economic Community was established with the 
 signing of the Treaty of Rome. 
1960 A guided missile was launched from a nuclear powered 
 submarine for the first time. 
1970 The Concorde made its first supersonic flight. 
1975 King Faisal of Saudi Arabia was shot to death by a nephew. 
 The nephew, with a history of mental illness, was beheaded 
 the following June. 
1982 Wayne Gretzky became the first player in the NHL to score 
 200 points in a season. 
1983 The U.S. Congress passed legislation to rescue the U.S. 
 social security system from bankruptcy. 
1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan ordered emergency aid for the 
 Honduran army. U.S. helicopters took Honduran troops to the 
 Nicaraguan border.
1990 Estonia voted for independence from the Soviet Union. 
1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein launched a major counter-
 offensive to recapture key towns from Kurds in northern Iraq. 
1992 Soviet cosmonaut Sergei Krikalev returned to Earth after 
 spending 10 months aboard the orbiting Mir space station. 
1993 President de Klerk admitted that South Africa had built 
 six nuclear bombs, but said that they had since been dismantled. 
1994 United States troops completed their withdrawal from Somalia. 
1995 Boxer Mike Tyson was released from jail after serving 3 years. 
1996 An 81-day standoff by the antigovernment Freemen began at a 
 ranch near Jordan, MT. 
1998 A cancer patient was the first known to die under Oregon's 
 doctor-assisted suicide law. 
1998 The FCC nets $578.6 million at auction for licenses for new 
 wireless technology. 
1998 Quinn Pletcher was found guilty on charges of extortion. 
 He had threatened to kill Bill Gates unless he was paid $5
 million. 
2004 The U.S. Senate voted (61-38) on the Unborn Victims of Violence Act
2016  smiled.


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What is the best graphics program? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 24

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to two Floriduh Women, who beat shopper, tossed groceries to ground when alerted to backing up without watching behind them Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 24, in 1832 Mormon Joseph Smith was beaten, tarred and feathered in Ohio. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Mother: "How's your history paper coming?" Son: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research and it's been very helpful. Mother: "Really?" Son: "Yes, so far I've located 17 people who sell them!" x ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Yesterday's "Not politically correct" piece by Barb went over well. Thanks for all who wrote! Here is one from Annette, that might cause thinking. >From Annette If plastic water bottles are okay, but plastic bags are banned, — you might live in a nation (state) that was founded by geniuses but is run by idjits. If you can get arrested for hunting or fishing without a license, but not for entering and remaining in the country illegally — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idjits. If you have to get your parents' permission to go on a field trip or to take an aspirin in school, but not to get an abortion — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idjits. If you MUST show your identification to board an airplane, cash a check, buy liquor, or check out a library book and rent a video, but not to vote for who runs the government — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idjits. If the government wants to prevent stable, law-abiding citizens from owning gun magazines that hold more than ten rounds, but gives twenty F-16 fighter jets to the crazy new leaders in Egypt — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses buut is run by idjits. If, in the nations largest city, you can buy two 16-ounce sodas, but not one 24-ounce soda, because 24-ounces of a sugary drink might make you fat — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idjits. If an 80-year-old woman who is confined to a wheelchair or a three-year-old girl can be strip-searched by the TSA at the airport, but a woman in a burka or a hijab is only subject to having her neck and head searched — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idjits. If your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt is to spend trillions more — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idjits. If a seven-year-old boy can be thrown out of school for saying his teacher is cuteť but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in grade school is perfectly acceptable — you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idjits. If hard work and success are met with higher taxes and more government regulation and intrusion while not working is rewarded with Food Stamps, WIC checks, Medicaid benefits, subsidized housing, and free cell phones — you might live in a nation that wwas founded by geniuses but is run by idjits. If you pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big-screen TV, while your neighbor buys iPhones, time shares, a wall-sized do-it-all plasma screen TV and new cars, and the government forgives his debt when he defaults on his mortgage, then you might live in a nation that was founded by geniuses but is run by idjits. If being stripped of your Constitutional right to defend yourself makes you more safeť according to the government — you might live in a nation that was foundeed by geniuses but is run by idjits. Think before you vote in all upcoming elections, and remember Obama got a Nobel Prize for his electrion promises. Broom Hilda has been nominated for this year's prize. ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Naysha Barre-Parrilla, 24, and Deysha Williams, 36, Palm Bay, Floriduh Floriduh Women, who beat shopper, tossed groceries to ground when alerted to backing up without watching behind them. Two Palm Bay women face charges after police said they attacked a shopper trying to alert them that she was walking behind their car, then grabbed the woman's groceries and tossed them to the ground. Naysha Barre-Parrilla, 24, and Deysha Williams, 36, were both charged with battery and criminal mischief after Palm Bay police were called to the Publix grocery store parking lot at 3450 Bayside Lakes to investigate reports of a disturbance, records show. Witnesses told police that Barre-Parrilla was backing out in her car about 6:53 p.m. Monday, when she nearly struck a woman identified by officers as the victim. Police said the woman first yelled to alert Barre-Parrilla that she was behind the vehicle, but that Barre-Parrilla and Williams, who was a passenger, got out of the car and followed her. A confrontation ensued and police said Barre-Parrilla and Williams beat the woman repeatedly in the head before turning to her grocery cart and throwing out a package of fried chicken and a gallon of milk. Officers said the woman was left with a lump on her forehead, reports said. Barre-Parrilla and Williams were both arrested and booked into the Brevard County Jail Complex in Sharpes. Both were ordered held on $1,000 bonds, records show. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Vicky Re: What is the best graphics program? Dear Webby What is better, Corell Draw, Adobe Photoshop, PaintShop Pro or GIMP? Vicky Dear Gabby I could imagine religious wars being fought by the believers and fans of those programs. They are all good. Get whatever your mentor is using, or whoever it is that you might be asking for tips and tricks. PSP is probably best suited for fast and efficient web work. Adobe is common in traditional printing shops, and Corell is a favorite for machining and industrial applications. GIMP is a last resort to do really tricky stuff, but it is not very intuitive and often requires reading. If you have the time to learn GIMP, you got it all. GIMP is free, updated frequently and has very active and helpful user forums. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Re marriage: "My mother says to look for a man who is kind. So that's what I'll do. I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and kinda cute." -Carolyn, AGE 8 ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Foam Packing to Minimise Soap Scum By ShirleyE [59 Posts, 52 Comments] Soap scum can build up quickly in a large household. This attracts dirt and looks unsightly. Next time you buy something and it comes packed with thin plastic foam, trim it to size and place it under your soap. The foam can be quickly rinsed under a tap when necessary. This also works with a dish sponge. I have trimmed the corners off mine in a sort of vaguely feng shui manner ShirleyE ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Dogs prayer: Dear God, If we come back as humans in our next life, is that as punishment for jumping on the couch? ___________________________________________________
Boeing 787-9 Dreamliner
____________________________________________________ Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter: First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for a paper boy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me. Second woman: I know. First one: Who told you ?? Second one: My dog told me. ____________________________________________________ Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log. "My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf." The wolf jumps up and runs away. Further down the road, Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again. This time, he is crouched behind a tree stump. "My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf." Again, the wolf jumps up and runs away. A couple of miles down the road, Red Riding Hood sees the wolf yet again, this time crouched down behind a road sign. "My, what teeth you have, Mr. Wolf." The irritable, Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you kindly get lost and stop snooping around every time I go to an outhouse!" ____________________________________________________
Beautiful Spring cherry blossoms in Japan.

Today on March 24
1379 The Gelderse war ended. 
1545 German Parliament opened in Worms. 
1720 In Paris, banking houses closed due to financial crisis.
1765 Britain passed the Quartering Act that required the 
 American colonies to house 10,000 British troops in 
 public and private buildings. 
1832 Mormon Joseph Smith was beaten, tarred and feathered in Ohio. 
1837 Canada gave blacks the right to vote 
1880 The first "hail insurance company" was incorporated in 
 Connecticut. It was known as Tobacco Growers’ Mutual 
 Insurance Company. 
1882 In Berlin, German scientist Robert Koch announced the 
 discovery of the tuberculosis germ (bacillus). 
1904 Vice Adm. Tojo sank seven Russian ships as the 
 Japanese strengthened their blockade of Port Arthur. 
1905 In Crete, a group led by Eleutherios Venizelos 
 claimed independence from Turkey. 
1906 In Mexico, the Tehuantepec Istmian Railroad opened 
 as a rival to the Panama Canal. 
1911 In Denmark, penal code reform abolished corporal 
 punishment. 
1924 Greece became a republic. 
1927 Chinese Communists seized Nanking and break with 
 Chiang Kai-shek over the Nationalist goals. 
1938 The U.S. asked that all powers help refugees fleeing 
 from the Nazis. 
1944 In Rome, The Gestapo rounded up innocent Italians and 
 shot them to death in response to a bomb attack that killed 
 32 German policemen. Over 300 civilians were executed. 
1946 The Soviet Union announced that it was withdrawing its 
 troops from Iran. 
1955 The first oil drill seagoing rig was put into service. 
1976 The president of Argentina, Isabel Peron, was deposed 
 by her country's military. 
1985 Thousands demonstrated in Madrid against the NATO 
 presence in Spain. 
1989 The Exxon Valdez spilled 240,000 barrels (11 million 
 gallons) of oil in Alaska's Prince William Sound after 
 it ran aground. 
1997 The Australian parliament overturned the world's first 
 and only euthanasia law. 
1998 In Jonesboro, AR, two young boys open fire at students 
 from woods near a school. Four students and a teacher 
 were killed and 10 others were injured. The two boys were 
 11 and 13 years old cousins. 
1999 The 7-mile tunnel under Mont Blanc in France was an inferno 
 after a truck carrying flour and margarine caught on fire. At 
 least 30 people were killed. 
2001 Apple Computer Inc's operating system MAC OS X went on sale. 
2005 The government of Kyrgyzstan collapsed. 
2006 In Spain, the Basque separatist group ETA announced a 
 permanent cease-fire. 
2014 It was announced that the U.S. and its allies would exclude 
 Russia from the G8 meeting and boycott a planned summit in 
 Sochi in response to Russia's takeover of Crimea.

2016  smiled.


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Why is ink and toner so expensive? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida couple, who was arrestred for tasing their kids. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 23, in 1066 The 18th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet took place. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Ric I asked my kid the John the Baptist riddle. His answer was "They both eat honey. " Another riddle: Why did John the Baptist eat wild locusts and honey? Answer: The honey keeps them on the plate. ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
with this coupon link Get One Free
or
Get 15% off ANY ink and toner
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______________________________________________________ >From Barb British humour as it used to be: Absolutely politically incorrect It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters. They are putting some Tide washing powder in to stop the coloureds from running. ------------------------------------------------------------ Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police think it might be the start of Ram-a-dam. ------------------------------------------------------------ Riots in Birmingham last month caused over 1 million worth of improvements ----------------------------------------------------------- Muslims have gone on the rampage in Manchester, killing anyone who's English. Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9. ______________________________________________________ San Marino, Italy From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joshua Pierre Louis, 28, and Roxanne Paduani, 33 Fort Myers, Floriduh Lehigh Acres parents jailed for using stun gun to discipline children Two Lehigh Acres parents are in Lee County Jail on child abuse charges after detectives said they used a stun gun to discipline their four children. Joshua Pierre Louis, 28, and Roxanne Paduani, 33, were arrested Thursday about 6:15 p.m. by Lee County sheriff's detectives. "They were using it as a tool to deter the children from misbehaving," the sheriff's office report said. "The stun gun inflicted pain compliance on the children and left visible marks on two of the children." The sheriff's office declined to comment on the investigation. The children's ages were not immediately available Friday. Investigators learned about the alleged abuse of the four children when someone called the Florida Abuse Hotline, run by the Department of Children and Families. "The four children have been sheltered and are currently with relatives," she said. According to the arrest report, one of the children informed a DCF child protective investigator that they were being tased as a form of discipline. Paduani told a sheriff's office investigator that the couple owned a handheld stun gun and sparked it to warn one of the children, but denied ever touching children with it. One of the children told a case coordinator with the Children's Advocacy Center that Louis "shocks 'us' with the Taser when we are bad," according to the report. "They described being bad as screaming," the report states. The child then showed the case coordinator scars on their lower left stomach and said they were from being tased. In another instance, one of the children showed investigators marks on their upper right chest and said they were tased there. The child told authorities that Paduani has held the Taser but never used it on them. However, the report indicates, that she knows Louis tases them, but isn't present when it happens. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gabby Re: Why are ink and toner so expensive? Dear Webby Why are printer cartidges and printer ink so expensive ? Gabby Dear Gabby Ink is not really that expensive. How much does Perrier or Evian water cost in your area ? That's just plain water with a bit of advertising added. I have seen people pay $4.95 for six ounces of that. For plain water! If you go downtown to Staples, you pay $265 for the toner that I get from the link further up for 1/8 of that. If I run out of toner and don't have a spare cartridge in that color, well, then I simply don't print for a few days until they ship me a box of toner. I am not at all complaining about the cost of toner cartridges. They are well packed in sturdy boxes that handle shipping from the manufacturer in China quite nicely. Sure, just like with Perrier or Naive water, the actual manufacturing cost is negligible. The price is determined by how much people are willing to pay. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ >More British humor from Barb Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque... They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside. ============================================ During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree. A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know they were living up there". ============================================= Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, Crime Watch is being shown 5 times a week now. ============================================= I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony, shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Hamburger Helper 1 lb ground meat (I use turkey) 1 onion, finely chopped 1 1/2 cups water 1 jar your favorite tomato sauce (Prego garlic and onion) pasta - your choice (I like Campanelle) cheese Brown the meat, drain the fat, push to the sides of skillet. Brown the onion in the middle. Then combine meat and onion, add the wet ingredients, add some pasta and simmer until done. Top with grated cheese. I love tons of locatelli. By Judi ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ >More British humor from Barb An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in London much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal. It seems that a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah." To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line." ___________________________________________________
Magnificent! I believe!
____________________________________________________ >From Connie Today at work, the boss wanted to know when Father's Day was. "Easy," I answered. "It's nine months before Mother's Day." ____________________________________________________ Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a attractive young woman asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk." That's fine," replied the woman. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old woman standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled. ____________________________________________________
http://biggeekdad.com/2016/03/million-dollar-railroad/

Today on March 23
1026 Konraad II crowned himself king of Italy. 
1066 The 18th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's 
 Comet took place. 
1490 The first dated edition of Maimonides "Mishna Torah" 
 was published. 
1657 France and England formed an alliance against Spain. 
1794 Josiah G. Pierson patented a rivet machine. 
1806 Explorers Lewis and Clark, reached the Pacific coast, 
 and began their return journey to the east. 
1808 Napoleon's brother Joseph took the throne of Spain. 
1836 The coin press was invented by Franklin Beale. 
1839 The first recorded printed use of "OK" [oll korrect] 
 occurred in Boston's Morning Post. 
1840 The first successful photo of the Moon was taken. 
1848 Hungary proclaimed its independence of Austria. 
1857 Elisha Otis installed the first modern passenger 
 elevator in a public building. It was at the corner 
 of Broome Street and Broadway in New York City. 
1858 Eleazer A. Gardner patented the cable streetcar. 
1861 London's first tramcars began operations. 
1880 John Stevens patented the grain crushing mill. 
 The mill increased flour production by 70 percent. 
1881 A gas lamp caused a fire in an opera house in 
 Nice, France. 70 people were killed. 
1889 U.S. President Harrison opened Oklahoma for 
 white colonization. 
1901 Dame Nellie Melba, revealed the secret of her 
 now famous toast. 
1901 It was learned that Boers were starving in 
 British concentration camps in South Africa. 
1901 Shots were fired at Privy Councilor Pobyedonostzev, 
 who was considered to be Russia's most hated man. 
1902 In Italy, the minimum legal working age was raised 
 from 9 to 12 for boys and from 11 to 15 for girls. 
1903 The Wright brothers obtained an airplane patent. 
1909 British Lt. Shackleton found the magnetic South Pole. 
1912 The Dixie Cup was invented. 
1917 Austrian Emperor Charles I made a peace proposal to 
 French President Poincare. 
1917 In the Midwest U.S., four tornadoes kill 211 people 
 over a four day period. 
1918 Lithuania proclaimed independence. 
1919 Benito Mussolini founded his Fascist political 
 movement in Milan, Italy. 
1921 Arthur G. Hamilton set a new parachute record when 
 he safely jumped from 24,400 feet. 
1925 The state of Tennessee enacted a law that made it a 
 crime for a teacher in any state-supported public school 
 to teach any theory that was in contradiction to the 
 Bible's account of man's creation. 
1932 In the U.S., the Norris-LaGuardia Act established 
 workers' right to strike. 
1933 The German Reichstag adopted the Enabling Act. The 
 act effectively granted Adolf Hitler dictatorial 
 legislative powers. 
1934 The U.S. Congress accepted the independence of the 
 Philippines in 1945. 
1936 Italy, Austria & Hungary signed the Pact of Rome. 
1937 The L.A. Railway Co. started using PCC streetcars. 
1942 The Japanese occupy the Andaman Islands. 
1942 During World War II, the U.S. government began evacuating 
 Japanese-Americans from West Coast homes to concentration 
 camps. 
1951 U.S. paratroopers descended from flying boxcars in a 
 surprise attack in Korea. 
1956 Pakistan became the first Islamic republic. It was still 
 within the British Commonwealth. 
1956 Sudan became independent. 
1957 The U.S. Army sold the last of its homing pigeons. 
1967 Reverend Martin Luther King Jr. called the Vietnam War 
 the biggest obstacle to the civil rights movement. 
1970 Mafia "Boss" Carlo Gambino was arrested for plotting to 
 steal $3 million. 
1972 Evel Knievel broke 93 bones after successfully jumping 
 35 cars. 
1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, left 
 Panama for Egypt. 
1981 U.S. Supreme Court upheld a law making statutory rape a 
 crime for men but not women. 
1983 U.S. President Reagan first proposed development of 
 technology to intercept enemy missiles. The proposal became 
 known as the Strategic Defense Initiative and "Star Wars." 
1989 Joel Steinberg was sentenced to 25 years for killing his 
 adopted daughter. 
1989 Two electrochemists, Stanley Pons and Martin Fleischman, 
 announced that they had created nuclear fusion in a test tube 
 at room temperature. 
1990 Former Exxon Valdez Captain Joseph Hazelwood was ordered to 
 help clean up Prince William Sound and pay $50,000 in restitution 
 for the 1989 oil spill. 
1993 U.N. experts announced that record ozone lows had been 
 registered over a large area of the Western Hemisphere. It was BS.
1996 Taiwan held its first democratic presidential elections. 
1998 Germany's largest bank pledged $3.1 million to Jewish 
 foundations as restitution for Nazi looting. 
1998 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired his Cabinet. 
1998 The movie "Titanic" won 11 Oscars at the Academy Awards. 
1998 The German company Bertelsmann AG agreed to purchase the 
 American publisher Random House for $1.4 billion. The merger 
 created the largest English-language book-publishing company 
 in the world. 
1999 NATO Secretary-General Javier Solana gave formal approval 
 for air strikes against Serbian targets. 
2001 Russia's orbiting Mir space station plunged into the South 
 Pacific after its 15-years of use.
2016  smiled.


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Routing problem 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 22

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a MO firefighter sentenced for making child porn in a fire station, after he sold his phone with it on it. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 22, in 1457 Gutenberg Bible became the first printed book. 1622 Indians attacked a group of colonists in the James River area of Virginia. 347 residents were killed. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There are 3 kinds of men in this world: Some remain single and make wonders happen, some have girlfriends and see wonders happen. ...the rest get married and wonder what happened! ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
with this coupon link Get One Free
or
Get 15% off ANY ink and toner
with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ Shirley had 2 two red ears and went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a blouse and the phone rang -- but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?" "George from upstairs called and wanted to know what all the screaming was about." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicholas James Dickerson, 31 Branson, Missouri Firefighter sentenced for making child porn in fire station, after he sold his phone with it on it. A former Western Taney County Fire Department EMT was sentenced in federal court on Tuesday for producing child pornography. Nicholas Dickerson, 31, of Branson, was sentenced by U.S. District Judge Doug Harpool to 21 years and 10 months in federal prison without parole. The judge also sentenced Dickerson to supervised release for the rest of his life following incarceration. Dickerson, who pleaded guilty on Feb. 26, 2015, was employed by the Western Taney County Fire Protection District as an EMT less than 18 months and was a volunteer firefighter for about eight months. Dickerson was residing in living quarters at a fire station near Branson at the time of the offense. According to court documents, Dickerson sold his iPhone to a Nixa, Mo., business on Feb. 9, 2015. After the transaction was complete, an employee of the business noticed that the “deleted pictures folder” was still present on the screen. The employee saw an image of child pornography and alerted the store owner, who contacted law enforcement. Investigators identified the 9-year-old victim in the photo, which was taken on Feb. 7, 2015. Dickerson told investigators that he took the photo while sexually abusing the child victim in his living quarters at the fire station, and that he sexually abused the victim on multiple occasions. Dickerson also told investigators he had shown pornography to the child victim on multiple occasions. The FBI investigated the case. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kris Re: Routing problem Dear Webby My ISP has some routing problems but of course tries to blame it on me. But since other people can get to those sites that I can't, and I can get to some sites but not all, it must be the ISP. How can I save a tracing of the route to the point where it fizzles? Kris Dear Kris Click on START, RUN type cmd and hit Enter You'll get the DOS command line. Assuming that you want to get to example.com. Type tracert example.com > c:\trace1.txt The cursor will vanish but eventually return when the tracing has been finished and saved into the file c:\trace1.txt You can open that file with NoteTab, NoteMaid, NotePad, any text editor. From there you can paste the trace route into an email. If you want to watch the tracing on the monitor, type tracert example.com Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ >From Tom Your riddle reminded me of this one: What do John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Their middle name. Have a great day and thanks for the day brightener jokes, et al tom :-) ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Scissors from Rusting By Rose Anne Hutchence [7 Posts, 301 Comments] Dry them immediately when they get wet. Fill an old coffee can with rice and store your scissors, open, in the rice. If you have inherited plain iron scissors that can rust, unlike modern stainless steel scissors, dip them into a Classic CocaCola. The phosphoric acid in CocaCola turns surface iron into iron phosphate. You could also use Naval Jelly, which is simply jellied phosphoric acid and a bit more expensive. Either one turns rusty iron into a nice battleship gray. Even salt water does not harm it. There is no need to repeat that procedure more than maybe once every second or third year. Unlike expensive cooking spray, it does not wipe off. It is like a plating. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town for some shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait." ___________________________________________________
Magnificent! I believe!
____________________________________________________ Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change." Jones sighed: "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes." "You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes." ____________________________________________________ A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a big, muddy hole in the road and the car bogged down. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today." The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? You must be doing it at night!" "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole. My wife ploughs the fields, .... with the new tractor." ____________________________________________________
This is one creepy fish!

Today on March 22
1457 Gutenberg Bible became the first printed book. 
1622 Indians attacked a group of colonists in the James 
 River area of Virginia. 347 residents were killed. 
1719 Frederick William abolished serfdom on crown property 
 in Prussia. 
1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer). 
1765 The Stamp Act was passed. It was the first direct 
 British tax on the American colonists. It was repealed on 
 March 17, 1766. 
1794 The U.S. Congress banned U.S. vessels from supplying 
 slaves to other countries. 
1841 Englishman Orlando Jones patented cornstarch. 
1872 Illinois became the first state to require sexual 
 equality in employment. 
1873 Slavery was abolished in Puerto Rico. 
1874 The Young Men's Hebrew Association was organized 
 in New York City. 
1882 The U.S. Congress outlawed polygamy. 
1895 Auguste and Louis Lumiere showed their first movie 
 to an invited audience in Paris. 
1901 Japan proclaimed that it was determined to keep Russia 
 from encroaching on Korea. 
1902 Great Britain and Persia agreed to link Europe and 
 India by telegraph. 
1903 Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought. 
1903 In Columbia, the region near Galera De Zamba was 
 devastated by a volcanic eruption. 
1904 The first color photograph was published in the London 
 Daily Illustrated Mirror. 
1905 Child miners in Britain received a maximum 
 8-hour workday. 
1907 Russians troops completed the evacuation of Manchuria 
 in the face of advancing Japanese forces. 
1907 In Paris, it was reported that male cab drivers 
 dressed as women to attract riders. 
1910 In Liberia, a telegraph cable linked Tenerife and Monrovia. 
1915 A German zeppelin made a night raid on Paris railway
1935 In New York, blood tests were authorized as evidence 
 in court cases. 
1935 Persia was renamed Iran. 
1941 The Grand Coulee Dam in Washington began operations. 
1943 The Dutch workweek was extended to 54 hours. 
1943 Obligatory work for woman ends in Belgium. 
1946 The first U.S. built rocket to leave the earth's 
 atmosphere reached a height of 50-miles. 
1948 The United States announced a land reform plan for Korea. 
1954 The first shopping mall opened in Southfield, Michigan. 
1960 A.L. Schawlow & C.H. Townes obtained a patent for the laser.
1965 U.S. confirmed that its troops used chemical warfare 
 against the Vietcong. 
1974 The Viet Cong proposed a new truce with the U.S. and 
 South Vietnam. The truce included general elections. 
1981 RCA put its Selectra Vision laser disc players 
 on the market. 
1987 A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, 
 to find a place to unload. After being refused by several states 
 and three countries space was found back in Islip. 
1989 Oliver North began two days of testimony at his Iran-Contra 
 trial in Washington, DC. 
1990 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Captain Hazelwood not 
 guilty in the Valdez oil spill. 
1991 Pamela Smart, a high school teacher, was found guilty in 
 New Hampshire of manipulating her student-lover to kill her husband. 
1992 A Fokker F-28 veered off a runway at New York's LaGuardia airport 
 and into Flushing Bay, killing 27 people. 
1993 Intel introduced the Pentium-processor (80586) 64 bits-
 60 MHz-100+ MIPS. 
1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Polyakov returned to Earth after 
 setting a record for 438 days in space. 
1997 Tara Lipinski, at 14 years and 10 months, became the youngest 
 women's world figure skating champion. 
2002 A collection of letters and cards sent by Princess Diana of 
 Wales sold for $33,000. The letters and cards were written to 
 a former housekeeper at Diana's teenage home.
2016  smiled.


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How to extract one mail from a huge SPAM folder 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 21

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 21, in 1349 3,000 Jews were killed in Black Death riots in Efurt Germany. 1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was burned at the stake at Oxford More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Dispatcher: Nine-one-one Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Dang...I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Dang...... Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the police. Don't send them. Just a bambulance. ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
with this coupon link Get One Free
or
Get 15% off ANY ink and toner
with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said. "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband narrowed his eyes as he looked at his wife. "I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the next baby." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Autumn Prieschl, 36, Charlotte, NC NC woman stole ambulance because she needed a ride Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police arrested a 36-year-old woman Thursday night on charges that she stole an ambulance from Carolinas Medical Center. Security cameras caught Autumn Prieschl getting behind the wheel of Ambulance #47 around 10 p.m. Thursday. Sources say the woman wasn't high, mentally unstable or sick, only that she said she needed a ride. Officials with MEDIC say that some of their people spotted her hanging out near the emergency entrance but didn't give it much thought. Fortunately #47 was empty. All of MEDIC's trucks are equipped with GPS trackers, so police knew right away where the ambulance was and they made a traffic stop in the 11600 block of Albemarle Road. Prieschl has been charged with larceny of a motor vehicle and trespassing. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Extract one mail from huge SPAM folder Dear Webby I sent my crable game to my spam folder by mistake Last week and because the person I play with was having flooding, I didn't realise it until today. I have over 1,000 files in that folder. I can only view about 20 of the most resent ones . How do i get something off my spam list I that I can not bring up? peddlerfrank Dear Frank Set your mails per page to 100. Go into the SPAM folder and sort it with OLDEST on top. Then make some shortcut keys in the settings. I use ALT ` for Select All ALT 1 delete selected Selecting and deleting 100 at a time, you can reduce that to a few day's worth in no time flat. It's a good idea to keep that trimmed to a few days worth. Next, while still in the SPAM folder, type your friend's name or a ddress into the se arch on top, and let it search for it. Highlight the found item, and select to move it to the INbox. Then go to the IN box, search for your friend again. Hw won't be on top, but on the day that he actually wrote. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A Riddle Schwartzeneggger has a big one. Michael J Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but doesn't use his. Clinton uses his all the time. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. George Burn's was hot. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. We never saw Lucy use Desi's. What is it? Answer is... (this is really good) "A Last Name". ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mom's Brown Rice and Greens Casserole By Cheryl Johnson [5 Posts, 1 Comment] Ingredients quick cook brown rice (approx 3 cups for 6 servings of 2/3 cup each) 8 oz. frozen Brussels sprouts 3/4 cup shredded Parmesan cheese salt and pepper Approx. 1 1/2 Tbsp. butter or margarine Directions Prepare quick brown rice (any brand will do) enough for 6 servings. Defrost the sprouts in the microwave. After they have defrosted, use a quick chopper or food processor to shred the defrosted sprouts. Only pulse until the leaves have all separated from the sprouts. Remove rice from pot, dump into a casserole dish, dump shredded Brussels sprouts into the rice-mix to combine. Top with approx. 3/4 cup of shredded Parmesan cheese. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Cover tightly with foil. Bake covered at 375 degrees F for approx. 20 minutes, then remove the foil, add several pats of butter or margarine, and bake uncovered for an additional 15 minutes. Stir, serve and enjoy! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a delicatessen store and he does a double take. He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. Aaron Schmalzgold, the store owner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale." The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat." Aaron says "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish." And the owner says, "Sorry, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight stray cats." ___________________________________________________
Vitametavegemin
____________________________________________________ Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully gazed down at the ex-cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent hit---no flies, no smell. "What business could that poor kitty have had here?" murmured Ellen. "Come on, Ellen, we've got to just..." But Ellen had already grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining, "I'll just put my things in your bag, and then I'll take the tissue." She dumped her purchases into Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the former feline into her own Dillard's bag and cover it. They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing their goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they left Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while they ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell. They decided to leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to Luby's Cafeteria. After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window table, they had a view of Kay's Chevy with the Dillard's bag still on the trunk. BUT not for long. As they ate, they noticed a black-haired woman in a red gingham shirt stroll by their car, look quickly this way and that, and then hook the Dillard's bag without breaking stride. She quickly walked out of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed look of amazement. It all happened so fast that neither of them could think how to respond. "Can you imagine?" finally sputtered Ellen. "The nerve of that woman!" Kay sympathised with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she thought about the grand surprise awaiting the red-gingham thief. Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she noticed Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following her gaze, Kay recognised with a shock the black-haired woman with the Dillard's bag, THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm, brazenly pushing her tray toward the cashier. Helplessly they watched the scene unfold. After clearing the register, the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an empty chair and began to eat. After a few bites of baked whitefish and green beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her treasure. Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt audience three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into the bag. Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise. The noise grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing and clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly recognised a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she administered the Heimlich manoeuvre. A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the ambulance arrived. In a matter of minutes the curly-haired woman emerged from the crowd, still gasping, strapped securely on a gurney. Two well- trained EMS volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third scooped up her belongings. The last they saw of the distressed cat- burglar, she disappeared behind the ambulance doors, the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach! ____________________________________________________ Two ladies were working in a women's lingerie store a few days before Christmas when they saw a man nervously wandering up and down the aisles. One of the clerks walked over. "Is there something I can help you find?" she said. "No, really, I think I can find it myself" "Really sir, don't be shy. This is a lingerie store and it's our job to help people find the things they need. You shouldn't be embarrassed." "Well, okay. I'm looking for a bra for my wife." "Well that's no problem, we sell those everyday. What size does she need?" "7 3/4" "Are you sure? That's a rather odd size. How did you measure her?" "With my hat" ____________________________________________________
My hands would freeze! And other parts too!

Today on March 21
1349 3,000 Jews were killed in Black Death riots in Efurt Germany.
1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was burned at 
 the stake at Oxford after retracting the last of seven 
 recantations that same day. 
1788 Almost the entire city of New Orleans, LA, was destroyed 
 by fire. 856 buildings were destroyed. 
1804 The French civil code, the Code Napoleon, was adopted. 
1824 A fire at a Cairo ammunitions dump killed 4,000 horses. 
1851 Yosemite Valley was discovered in California. 
1857 An earthquake hit Tokyo killing about 107,000. 
1902 In New York, three Park Avenue mansions were destroyed 
 when a subway tunnel roof caved in. 
1908 A passenger was carried in a bi-plane for the first 
 time by Henri Farman of France. 
1909 Russia withdrew its support for Serbia and recognized 
 the Austrian annexation of Bosnia-Herzegovina. Serbia 
 accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina on 
 March 31, 1909. 
1928 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge gave the Congressional Medal of 
 Honor to Charles Lindbergh for his first trans-Atlantic flight. 
1934 A fire destroyed Hakodate, Japan, killing about 1,500. 
1945 During World War II, Allied bombers began four days of 
 bombing raids over Germany. 
1960 About 70 people were killed in Sharpeville, South Africa, 
 when police fired upon demonstrators. 
1963 Alcatraz Island, the federal penitentiary in San Francisco 
 Bay, CA, closed. 
1965 The U.S. launched Ranger 9. It was the last in a series 
 of unmanned lunar explorations. 
1971 Two U.S. platoons in Vietnam refused their orders to advance. 
1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not require 
 one year of residency for voting eligibility. 
1974 An attempt was made to kidnap Princess Anne in London's 
 Pall Mall. 
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced to the U.S. Olympic 
 Team that they would not participate in the 1980 Summer Games in 
 Moscow as a boycott against Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 
1982 The United States, U.K. and other Western countries condemned 
 the Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 
1984 A Soviet submarine crashed into the USS Kitty Hawk off the 
 coast of Japan. 
1985 Police in Langa, South Africa, opened fire on blacks marching 
to mark the 25th anniversary of the Sharpeville shootings. At least 
 21 demonstrators were killed. 
1990 Namibia became independent of South Africa. 
1991 The U.N. Security Council lifted the food embargo against Iraq. 
1994 Dudley Moore was arrested for hitting his girlfriend. 
1994 Wayne Gretzky tied Gordie Howe's NHL record of 801 goals. 
1994 Bill Gates of Microsoft and Craig McCaw of McCaw Cellular 
 Communications announced a $9 billion plan that would send 
 840 satellites into orbit to relay information around the globe. 
2002 In Paris, an 1825 print by French inventor Joseph Nicephore 
 Niepce was sold for $443,220. The print, of a man leading a horse, 
 was the earliest recorded image taken by photographic means. 


2016  smiled.


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Get a Human instead of a voice menu 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 20

Thank You, David!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Boulder dine-and-dash suspect arrested after he left phone full of child porn. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 20, in 1525 Paris' parliament began its pursuit of Protestants. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ No man ever listened himself out of a job. --- Calvin Coolidge (1872 - 1933) Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Here is a groaner to be read out loud: There once was a church meeting where the topic was "Burial or Cremation?" Two of the people got rather worked up. One said to the other, If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is making an ash of yourself!" The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from fossilized old bones, so if you have yourself buried,all you will be doing . . . is making a fuel of yourself!" ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
with this coupon link Get One Free
or
Get 15% off ANY ink and toner
with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it. The man said, "Cure it? I want it to be permanent!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bryan James Elrod, 42, Boulder, Colorado Boulder dine-and-dash suspect arrested after he left phone full of child porn. A Boulder man was arrested Thursday after police say he left a downtown restaurant without paying his bill but did leave behind a cell phone that turned up hundreds of images of child pornography and visits to child pornography websites. Bryan James Elrod, 42, was arrested on suspicion of 13 counts of sexual exploitation of a child with possession of more than 20 images, a Class 3 felony. According to an arrest affidavit, Boulder police were called to Old Chicago, 1102 Pearl St., on Oct. 9 after a customer left without paying his $37.81 bill but left behind a cellphone. When the manager turned on the phone to try to identify its owner, the browser was already opened to a site containing what appeared to be child pornography. Police took possession of the phone and determined that it belonged to Elrod before securing a warrant on Nov. 19 to search its contents. Investigators checked the browser history and found that "the majority of the websites visited were for pornography," and that many of them were sites containing child pornography, according to the affidavit. In addition, investigators found more than 8,000 images saved on the phone, most of them pornography. Of those photos, detectives said they found 267 images that were "obviously sexually explicit photographs of children," ranging in ages from toddler through early puberty. Detectives said they also found many other photographs of females possibly under the age of 18, but did not include them in the count of child pornography because they could not be sure they were minors. According to the affidavit, Elrod has an extensive criminal history — mostly in Boulder and Denver — that includes charges for fraud, theft, forgery, reckless endangerment, assault, DUI, escape from custody, shoplifting and probation and parole violations. Detectives discovered that Elrod had been arrested just days after he was alleged to have left the phone at Old Chicago on suspicion of parole violations. Elrod is currently on parole for a Logan County case, and his parole officer was concerned about him because he was not working since his release and was spending "most of his time drinking." The officer said Elrod had been staying at a motel in Longmont. A warrant for Elrod's arrest was issued and executed on Thursday, and he remains at the Boulder County Jail. Court records indicate he has not had a hearing set yet to determine bond. The warrant also indicates Elrod will not be allowed to have any contact with anyone under the age of 18 if released on bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank, Bob and others Re: Gethuman Dear Webby What happened to the getHuman link in the SideMenu? I wrote to them and Adam promptly responded. Just go to http://gethuman.com and type in the name of the compnay that you need a Human connection with instead of long and silly voice menus. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A woman called the dean of the college that her freshman son was going to. "I'm worried. I don't know who my son can hang out with. He doesn't have the kind of money all the other students have." The dean replied, " He can hang out with the faculty." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Country Ham and Cheese Biscuits These hearty biscuits can be kept in the freezer for a quick heat-and-eat breakfast. Ingredients 2 cups self-rising flour 1/4 cup shortening 1 cup sour cream 1/4 cup milk or buttermilk 1 cup country ham, cooked, chopped fine 1 cup shredded cheese (Cheddar, Swiss, Colby, Provolone, or your choice) Directions In mixing bowl, combine flour with shortening. Using pastry blender, two forks, or clean hands, cut the shortening into the flour until the mixture resembles very coarse crumbs. Add sour cream, milk, ham, shredded cheese and mix just until combined. Turn onto floured board and knead two or three times, then flip to flour the other side. Pat dough into half inch thickness. Cut with preferred size cutter and place biscuits on lightly greased or sprayed baking sheet, with edges just touching. Bake at 450 degrees F for 8-12 minutes or until golden brown. Serve just as is or accompanied by jam, jelly, or honey. These are delicious served warm from the oven, but they also freeze remarkably well for a quick breakfast or snack any time! Just allow to cool completely and place in gallon size zip-top bag in freezer. Warm individual biscuits in the microwave for 30-60 seconds (depending on microwave, do not overheat or they will toughen). A note here about cheese: the amount of cheese can be reduced by half for the sake of thriftiness, but the full amount of cheese will of course make a richer biscuit. Source: Adapted from "Tennessee Farm and Home" magazine. By Shawna from Paris, TN ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Lola is on the phone, "Hello? Pizza Shack? Do you have anything on special?" From the other end of the line comes, "Yeah, our veggie haters delight. It has twelve kinds of meat and five different cheeses. Lola asks, "Does anything come with that?" "A Paramedic." ___________________________________________________
I couldn't wait until Christmas to share it
____________________________________________________ A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started to discuss the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." "I know!" said a third... "They use it to find the fire hydrant!" ____________________________________________________ One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door. "Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked. "Sure is. He's over at the cow barn." "Well, I have some important items to show him, Ma'am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?" "Shouldn't...He's the one without horns." ____________________________________________________
17th Century Romanian salt mine converted into a wild tourist attraction.

Today on March 20
0141 The 6th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet
1413 Henry V took the throne of England upon the death of 
 his father Henry IV. 
1525 Paris' parliament began its pursuit of Protestants. 
1602 The United Dutch East Indian Company (VOC) was formed. 
1616 Walter Raleigh was released from Tower of London to 
 seek gold in Guyana. 
1627 France & Spain signed an accord for fighting Protestantism. 
1739 In India, Nadir Shah of Persia occupied Delhi and took 
 possession of the Peacock throne. 
1760 The great fire of Boston destroyed 349 buildings. 
1792 In Paris, the Legislative Assembly approved the use of 
 the guillotine. 
1800 French army defeated the Turks at Helipolis, Turkey, 
 and advanced into Cairo. 
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte entered Paris after his escape from 
 Elba and began his "Hundred Days" rule. 
1852 Harriet Beecher Stowe’s book "Uncle Tom’s Cabin," 
 subtitled "Life Among the Lowly," was first published. 
1865 A plan by John Wilkes Booth to abduct U.S. President 
 Abraham Lincoln was ruined when Lincoln changed his plans 
 and did not appear at the Soldier’s Home near Washington, DC. 
1868 Jesse James Gang robbed a bank in Russelville, KY, of $14,000. 
1883 The Unity treaty of Paris was signed to protect industrial 
 property. 
1885 John Matzeliger of Suriname patented the shoe lacing 
 machine. 
1886 The first AC power plant in the U.S. began commercial 
 operation. 
1891 The first computing scale company was incorporated in 
 Dayton, OH. 
1896 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to protect U.S. 
 citizens in the wake of a revolution. 
1899 At Sing Sing prison, Martha M. Place became the first woman 
 to be executed in the electric chair. She was put to death for 
 the murder of her stepdaughter. 
1906 In Russia, army officers mutiny at Sevastopol. 
1915 The French called off the Champagne offensive on the 
 Western Front. 
1918 The Bolsheviks of the Soviet Union asked for American aid 
 to rebuild their army. 
1922 U.S. President Warren G. Harding ordered U.S. troops back 
 from the Rhineland. 
1922 The USS Langley was commissioned. It was the first aircraft 
 carrier for the U.S. Navy. 
1932 The German dirigible, Graf Zepplin, made the first flight to 
 South America on regular schedule. 
1933 The first German concentration camp was completed at Dachau. 
1934 Rudolf Kuhnold gave a demonstration of radar in Kiel Germany. 
1940 The British Royal Air Force conducted an all-night air raid 
 on the Nazi airbase at Sylt, Germany. 
1943 The Allies attacked Field Marshall Erwin Rommel's forces on 
 the Mareth Line in North Africa. 
1947 A blue whale weighing 180-metric tons was caught in the 
 South Atlantic. 
1952 The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty with Japan. 
1956 Mount Bezymianny on Kamchatka Peninsula (USSR) exploded. 
1964 The ESRO (European Space Research Organization) was 
 established. 
1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson orders 4,000 troops to 
 protect the Selma-Montgomery civil rights marchers. 
1969 U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy called on the U.S. to close 
 all bases in Taiwan. 
1976 Patricia Hearst was convicted of armed robbery for her role 
 in the hold up of a San Francisco Bank. 
1981 Argentine ex-president Isabel Peron was sentenced to eight 
 years in a convent. 
1982 U.S. scientists' return from Antarctica with the first land 
 mammal fossils found there. 
1984 The U.S. Senate rejected an amendment to permit spoken 
 prayer in public schools. 
1985 Libby Riddles won the 1,135-mile Anchorage-to-Nome dog race 
 becoming the first woman to win the Iditarod. 
1990 Namibia became an independent nation ending 75 years of 
 South African rule. 
1990 Imelda Marcos, widow of ex-Philippines dictator Ferdinand 
 Marcos, went on trial for racketeering, embezzlement and bribery. 
1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled unanimously that employers could 
 not exclude women from jobs where exposure to toxic chemicals could 
 potentially damage a fetus. 
1991 The U.S. forgave $2 billion in loans to Poland. 
1995 About 35,000 Turkish troops crossed the northern border of Iraq 
 in pursuit of the separatist rebels of the Kurdistan Workers Party (PKK). 
1995 In Tokyo, 12 people were killed and more than 5,500 others 
 were sickened when packages containing the nerve gas Sarin was 
 released on five separate subway trains. The terrorists belonged 
 to a doomsday cult in Japan. 
1996 The U.K. announced that humans could catch CJD (Mad Cow Disease). 
2000 Former Black Panther Jamil Abdullah Al-Amin, once known as 
 H. Rap Brown, was captured following a shootout that left a sherriff's 
 deputy dead. 
2002 Actress Pamela Anderson disclosed that she had hepatitis C. 
2002 Arthur Andersen pled innocent to charges that it had shredded 
 documents and deleted computer files related to the energy company Enron. 
2003 Cisco Systems Inc. announced it was buying The Linksys Group INc. 
 for $500 million in stock. 
2003 U.S. and British forces invaded Iraq from Kuwait.
2016  smiled.


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Filter Aweber into trash? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 19

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Ingham County, Michigan, Prosecutor, Stuart Dunnings, arrested on charges of paying for prostitutes. He used prostitutes from human trafficking ring that the FBI was investigating. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 18, in 1644 200 members of the Peking imperial family/court committed suicide. ______________________________________________________ One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine. --- Sir William Osler (1849 - 1919) What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to. --- Hansell B. Duckett ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Q :What's the difference between the Government and the Mafia? A: One of them is sait to be organized. ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?" "I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?" "Oh.. Half a pack a day." "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees. The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?" "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while." "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions." The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?" "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff." "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese." The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?" "Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet." The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have sex?" "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly. "As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None." The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?" "No, you will probably die sooner, but whatever time you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert White, 22, Salem, Oregon Ingham County, Michigan, Prosecutor, Stuart Dunnings, arrested on charges of paying for prostitutes. He used prostitutes from human trafficking ring that the FBI was investigating. Stuart Dunnings III paid for sex "hundreds of times" between 2010 and 2015, state and county law enforcement officials said Monday as they announced charges against the long-serving Ingham County prosecutor. Dunnings was arrested Monday morning outside. He is facing a total of 15 criminal charges in Ingham, Clinton and Ionia counties, the most serious being a felony charge of prostitution-pandering for allegedly using his position to coerce a woman who came to him for help with a child custody case to have sex with him for money, according to court records. The other charges are misdemeanors for engaging in the services of a prostitute and willful neglect of duty, which stems from his failure to report crimes, according to court records. According to an affidavit from an Ingham County detective, Dunnings solicited prostitutes from websites such as Escort Vault and Backpage, paid for sex as often as three or four times a week and was videotaped by one of the prostitutes. "I’ve known Stuart for a long time," Ingham County Sheriff Gene Wriggelsworth said at a news conference Monday. "We've done some campaigning together. This was a huge betrayal of his trust, his oath of office, his service to the people of this county." RELATED: Stuart Dunnings' political future unclear A year-long investigation by the Ingham County Sheriff’s Office, assisted by the FBI and the Attorney General’s office resulted in the charges. Dunnings faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted. He was arraigned in several District Courts on Monday afternoon. During the video arraignment in 54A District Court in Lansing, G. Michael Hocking, Dunnings’ attorney, told Magistrate Laura Millmore the charges might be "somewhat of a political case" full of "titillating-type accusations," but that his client was no threat to the community. He added that Dunnings had been aware of the investigation for weeks and hadn’t fled or harassed witnesses, despite ample opportunity to do so. Dunnings is a Democrat who was elected in 1996. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Alexis Re: Has Aweber gone bad? Dear Webby It used to be that Aweber was a mass mailing service favored by semi-legit hypnotists and get-rich-quick gurus, but claimed to keep the worst of the scam artists out. Lately I have been getting mails pretending to be from PayPal, with a link to click on, that has an underlying Aweber URL. Obviously that is a definite scam. PayPal never has links to click on and always says to log in first. Does that mean Aweber is now something to filter into the trash? Alexis Dear Alexis Have you EVER received anything truly legitimate fom Aweber and at least partially what it claims to be? Me neither. I think it would be quite safe to use their URL as a trigger for filtering. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ For years one gift I could count on when my kids were young was a bottle or two of "English Leather" after-shave lotion. I thought for a while they liked the smell. Then it dawned on me... the stuff had an aroma just like my wallet. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Butter Finger Cookies By Robyn [377 Posts, 754 Comments] These are little stick shaped cookies. There is not an overabundance of sugar in this recipe. Ingredients: 1 cup butter, softened 4 Tbsp. confectioners sugar, sifted 1 tsp. vanilla extract 3 tsp. water 2 cups flour 1 cup chopped pecans and/or almonds confectioners sugar Directions: Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. In large bowl cream butter, confectioners sugar, vanilla, and water. Using electric mixer on medium speed, slowly add flour and nuts. Shape small finger length cookies out of this dough. Place them on an un-greased baking sheet. Bake at 300 degrees F for 35 to 40 minutes. Roll in confectioners sugar. Cool on wire rack. Roll them again in confectioners sugar. Servings:3 dozen cookies Prep Time:20 Minutes Cooking Time:40 Minutes By Robyn F. from TN ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ >From Bob After a recent move, I made up a list of companies, agencies, and services that needed to know my new address and phoned each one to ask for the change to be made. Everything went smoothly until I called one of my frequent flier accounts. After I explained to the representative what I wanted to do, the woman told me, "I'm sorry; we can't do that over the phone. You will have to fill out our change-of address form." "How do I get one of those?" I asked. "We'd be happy to provide you with one," she said pleasantly. "May I have your new address so that I can mail it to you?" ___________________________________________________
illusions
____________________________________________________ A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires. After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enough and said, "My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you bother?" ____________________________________________________ Judy went to get her hair cut. The hairstylist cut for about thirty minutes, hands her a mirror, and asked, "How do you like it?" Judy replied, "It's nice, but could you make it just a little longer in the back?" ____________________________________________________
Two grannies, one Lamborghini....how much fun is that?

Today on March 19
1571 Spanish troops occupied Manila. 
1644 200 members of the Peking imperial family/court 
 committed suicide.
1687 French explorer La Salle was murdered by his own men 
 while searching for the mouth of the Mississippi River, 
 in the Gulf of Mexico. 
1702 Upon the death of William III of Orange, Anne Stuart, 
 the sister of Mary, succeeds to the throne of England, 
 Scotland and Ireland. 
1748 The English Naturalization Act passed granting Jews 
 right to colonize in the U.S. 
1831 The first bank robbery in America was reported. The 
 City Bank of New York City lost $245,000 in the robbery. 
1866 The immigrant ship Monarch of the Seas sank in Liverpool 
 killing 738. 
1900 U.S. President McKinley asserted that there was a need 
 for free trade with Puerto Rico. 
1900 Archeologist Arthur John Evans began the excavation of 
 Knossos Palace in Greece. 
1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Cuban treaty, gaining 
 naval bases in Guantanamo and Bahia Honda. 
1908 The state of Maryland barred Christian Scientists 
 from practicing without medical diplomas. 
1918 The U.S. Congress approved Daylight-Saving Time. 
1918 A German seaplane was shot down for the first time 
 by an American pilot. 
1920 The U.S. Senate rejected the Versailles Treaty for 
 the second time maintaining an isolation policy. 
1931 The state of Nevada legalized gambling. 
1940 The French government of Daladier fell. 
1945 About 800 people were killed as Japanese kamikaze 
 planes attacked the U.S. carrier Franklin off Japan. 
1945 Adolf Hitler issued his "Nero Decree" which ordered 
 the destruction of German facilities that could fall into 
 Allied hands as German forces were retreating. 
1947 Chiang Kai-Shek's government forces took control of 
 Yenan, the former headquarters of the Chinese Communist Party. 
1949 The Soviet People's Council signed the constitution of the 
 German Democratic Republic, and declared that the 
 North Atlantic Treaty was merely a war weapon. 
1954 Viewers saw the first televised prize fight shown in color 
 when Joey Giardello knocked out Willie Tory in round seven at 
 Madison Square Garden in New York City. 
1954 The first rocket-driven sled that ran on rails was tested 
 in Alamogordo, NM. 
1963 In Costa Rica, U.S. President John F. Kennedy and six 
 Latin American presidents pledged to fight Communism. 
1964 Sean Connery began shooting his role in "Goldfinger." 
1965 Indonesia nationalized all foreign oil companies. 
1969 British invaded Anguilla. 
1972 India and Bangladesh signed a friendship treaty. 
1976 Buckingham Palace announced the separation of 
 Princess Margaret and her husband, the Earl of Snowdon, 
 after 16 years of marriage. 
1977 France performed a nuclear test at Muruora Island. 
1981 During a test of the space shuttle Columbia two 
 workers were injured and one was killed. 
1981 The Buffalo Sabres set an NHL record when they 
 scored 9 goals in one period against Toronto. 
1984 A Mobile oil tanker spilled 200,000 gallons into 
 the Columbia River. 
1985 IBM announced that it was planning to stop making the 
 PCjr consumer-oriented computer. 
1987 Televangelist Jim Bakker resigned from the PTL due to 
 a scandal involving Jessica Hahn. 
1988 Two British soldiers were killed by mourners at a 
 funeral in Belfast, North Ireland. The soldiers were shot 
 to death after being dragged from a car and beaten. 
1990 Latvia's political opposition claimed victory in the 
 republic's first free elections in 50 years. 
1994 The largest omelet in history was made with 160,000 
 eggs in Yokohama, Japan. 
1998 The World Health Organization warned of tuberculosis 
 epidemic that could kill 70 million people in next two decades. 
1999 53 people were killed and dozens were injured when a 
 bomb exploded in a market place in southern Russia. 
2001 California officials declared a power alert and ordered the 
 first of two days of rolling blackouts. 
2002 Operation Anaconda, the largest U.S.-led ground offensive 
 since the Gulf War, ended in eastern Afghanistan. During the 
 operation, which began on March 2, it was reported that at 
 least 500 Taliban and al Qaeda fighters were killed. Eleven 
 allied troops were killed during the same operation. 
2003 U.S. President George W. Bush announced that U.S. forces 
 had launched a strike against "targets of military opportunity" 
 in Iraq. The attack, using cruise missiles and precision-guided 
 bombs, were aimed at Iraqi leaders thought to be near Baghdad.
2016  smiled.


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Has Aweber gone bad? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 18
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Oregon man arrested after he kidnapped grandma at knife point and forced her to drive for 12 hours Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 18, in 1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of the Mississippi River. ______________________________________________________ Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. --- Nick Diamos ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and their mother's age. ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
with this coupon link Get One Free
or
Get 15% off ANY ink and toner
with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week." Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said, "It's not all the devil's fault; she's not that easy to get along with either." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert White, 22, Salem, Oregon Oregon man arrested after he kidnapped grandma at knife point and forced her to drive for 12 hours A 22-year-old Oregon man kidnapped his 87-year-old grandmother at knife point and forced her to drive for nearly 12 hours, the Marion County Sheriff's Office said Sunday. Robert White of Salem was charged Sunday with unlawful possession of methamphetamine, kidnapping, menacing, criminal mischief and violating a protective order in the incident Saturday night, the sheriff's office said in a statement. The statement said that White's family had been "struggling to help" with his meth use and that his grandmother, who wasn't identified, had briefly placed her grandson in a hotel. On Saturday night, the statement says, "she had to inform him that the money had run out and he needed to leave the hotel." When his grandmother picked him up, White climbed into the backseat of her car, then "placed a knife to [her] throat and told her to drive," the statement says. "Driving through the night while her grandson smoked methamphetamine and rambled about the police following him for the past nine months, relief finally came when Mr. White called 911 at about 8 a.m." The statement doesn't say what White told the dispatcher, but using GPS, the sheriff's office tracked his grandmother's vehicle to a road east of downtown Salem. White was taken into custody without incident, the statement notes, and his grandmother, "although tired ... was not harmed during the near 12 hour ordeal." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Alexis Re: Has Aweber gone bad? Dear Webby It used to be that Aweber was a mass mailing service favored by semi-legit hypnotists and get-rich-quick gurus, but claimed to keep the worst of the scam artists out. Lately I have been getting mails pretending to be from PayPal, with a link to click on, that has an underlying Aweber URL. Obviously that is a definite scam. PayPal never has links to click on and always says to log in first. Does that mean Aweber is now something to filter into the trash? Alexis Dear Alexis Have you EVER received anything truly legitimate fom Aweber and at least partially what it claims to be? Me neither. I think it would be quite safe to use their URL as a trigger for filtering. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ For years one gift I could count on when my kids were young was a bottle or two of "English Leather" after-shave lotion. I thought for a while they liked the smell. Then it dawned on me... the stuff had an aroma just like my wallet. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Heavenly Tarts By Robyn [377 Posts, 754 Comments] These are little stick shaped cookies. There is not an overabundance of sugar in this recipe. Ingredients: 1 cup butter, softened 4 Tbsp. confectioners sugar, sifted 1 tsp. vanilla extract 3 tsp. water 2 cups flour 1 cup chopped pecans and/or almonds confectioners sugar Directions: Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. In large bowl cream butter, confectioners sugar, vanilla, and water. Using electric mixer on medium speed, slowly add flour and nuts. Shape small finger length cookies out of this dough. Place them on an un-greased baking sheet. Bake at 300 degrees F for 35 to 40 minutes. Roll in confectioners sugar. Cool on wire rack. Roll them again in confectioners sugar. Servings:3 dozen cookies Prep Time:20 Minutes Cooking Time:40 Minutes By Robyn F. from TN ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A bottle of out-of-date Marks & Spencer coconut and lemon-grass salad dressing exploded in a refrigerator in the UK blowing off the refrigerator door and sending it into the kitchen door. The bottle then ricocheted and went through a window, landing 20 feet away after pushing out a kitchen wall and damaging the loft hatch above the refrigerator. "I thought at first the place had been hit by a big firework rocket mortar because there was debris everywhere," says the owner when she returned home from work. In other news, Iraq is reported to have ordered 1 million bottles of a certain salad dressing from Marks & Spencer in the UK. ___________________________________________________
Playing for Change - Songs Around the World
____________________________________________________ What is your name? A. Ernestine McDowell. Q. And what is your marital status? A. Fair. Q. Now, Mrs. McDowell, how was your first marriage terminated? A. By death. Q. And by whose death was it terminated? Q. Mrs. McDowell, did you say he was shot in the woods? A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You too were shot in the fracas? A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval. ____________________________________________________ Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. ____________________________________________________
I've always wanted to stay in a haunted castle.

Today on March 18
0037 The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius’ will and 
  proclaims Caligula emperor.
1190 Crusaders killed 57 Jews in Bury St. Edmonds England.
1532 The English parliament banned payments by English church to Rome.
1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of 
  the Mississippi River.
1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers.
1813 David Melville patented the gas streetlight.
1818 The U.S. Congress approved the first pensions for 
  government service.
1834 The first railroad tunnel in the U.S. was completed. 
  The work was in Pennsylvania.
1850 Henry Wells & William Fargo founded American Express.
1891 Britain became linked to the continent of Europe by telephone.
1899 Phoebe, a moon of the planet Saturn, was discovered.
1902 In Turkey, the Sultan granted a German syndicate the first 
  concession to access Baghdad by rail.
1903 France dissolved the Catholic religious orders.
1911 Theodore Roosevelt opened the Roosevelt Dam in Arizona.
1916 Russia countered the Verdun assault with an attack at 
  Lake Naroch. The Russians lost 100,000 men and the 
  Germans lost 20,000.
1917 The Germans sank the U.S. ships, City of Memphis, 
  Vigilante and the Illinois, without any warning.
1921 Poland was enlarged with the second Peace of Riga.
1921 The steamer "Hong Koh" ran aground off of Swatow China. 
Over 1,000 people were killed.
1931 Schick Inc. displayed the first electric shaver.
1937 More than 400 people, mostly children, were killed in a 
  gas explosion at a school in New London, TX.
1938 Mexico took control of all foreign-owned oil properties 
  on its soil.
1938 New York first required serological blood tests of 
  pregnant women.
1940 The soap opera "Light of the World" was first heard on NBC radio.
1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini held a meeting at the 
  Brenner Pass. The Italian dictator agreed to join in Germany's 
  war against France and Britain during the meeting.
1942 The third military draft began in the U.S. because of 
World War II.
1943 The Reich called off its offensive in Caucasus.
1943 American forces took Gafsa in Tunisia.
1944 The Russians reached the Rumanian border World War II.
1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin.
1950 Nationalist troops landed on the mainland of China 
  and capture Communist held Sungmen.
1952 In Philadelphia, PA, the first plastic lenses were 
  fitted for a cataract patient.
1954 RKO Pictures was sold for $23,489,478. It became the first 
  motion picture studio to be owned by an individual:Howard Hughes.
1963 The U.S. Supreme Court handed down the Miranda decision 
  concerning legal council for defendants.
1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk 
  when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around 
  the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes.
1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1.
1968 The U.S. Congress repealed the requirement for a gold reserve.
1969 U.S. President Nixon authorizes Operation Menue. It was the 
  ‘secret’ bombing of Cambodia.
1971 U.S. helicopters airlifted 1,000 South Vietnamese soldiers 
  out of Laos.
1974 Most of the Arab oil-producing nations ended their 
  five-month embargo against the United States, Europe and Japan.
1975 Saigon abandoned most of the Central Highlands of Vietnam 
  to Hanoi.
1975 The Kurds ended their fight against Iraq.
1979 Iranian authorities detained American feminist Kate Millett. 
  The next day she was deported.
1980 A Vostok rocket exploded on the launch pad killing 50.
1981 The U.S. disclosed that there were biological weapons 
  tested in Texas in 1966.
1986 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Prince Andrew 
  to Sarah Ferguson.
1989 A 4,400-year-old mummy was discovered at the Pyramid of Cheops
1990 The first free elections took place in East Germany.
1992 Leona Hemsly was sentenced to 4 years in prison for tax evasion.
1992 White South Africans voted for constitutional reforms that 
  would give legal equality to blacks.
1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy.
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AOL mail to Eudora or Thunderbird 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 17

Happy St Patrick's Day!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Alaskan arrested after he repeatedly hits sled dogs in Iditarod race with his snowmobile Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 17, in 0461 Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul. Ireland celebrates this day in his honor. ______________________________________________________ Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) This is like deja vu all over again. --- Yogi Berra (1925 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Sue's husband went on a sudden business trip, and she accompanied him. It soon became apparent that he could not wrap things up in one day, so his employer put them up for the night in a luxury hotel. They found a convenience store and purchased toothbrushes, a razor and other necessary items. Finally they entered the lobby of the hotel, each of them toting a brown paper bag filled with supplies. The hotel manager looked them over. Raising an eyebrow, he intoned haughtily, "Would you like a bellboy to carry your matching luggage to your room ?" ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ The primary school teacher was preparing the class for their annual concert. Some children were to sing songs, others recite poetry and some to play musical instruments. Little Alfie had just come down from the country and the teacher asked him if he would like to do some farmyard impressions. Alfie thought this was a great idea. On the night of the concert, Alfie nervously walked onto the stage. The teacher announced: "Now Alfie is going to do some farmyard impressions and share with us the most memorable sounds he heard on the farm." Then, cupping his hands to his mouth, Alfie yelled at the top of his voice, "Get the @#$% off that f@#$%n' tractor!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Carlos Adonis Ramos-Erazo, 24, Clermont, Florida Speeding driver arrested for resisting and relieving himself in the patrol car When Carlos Adonis Ramos-Erazo was pulled over for driving 75 mph in a 55 mph zone, the 24-year-old allegedly said he was rushing to get home because he had "to go No. 2," according to the police report. The officer apparently thought the excuse was crappy, in part because he said he smelled unburnt marijuana in the vehicle. Ramos-Erazo was asked to step out of the car, but he refused numerous times. Police said Ramos-Erazo managed to lock the car door and drive away from the scene. The officer followed in hot pursuit. Before Ramos-Erazo got to his house, he allegedly threw something out of his car window. The item was never located by deputies, but the arresting officer said he believed it was the marijuana he smelled when he first approached the suspect's car. When Ramos-Erazo got home, he attempted to get inside, but the officer was close behind. The officer fired a Taser after Ramos-Erazo allegedly reached into his waistband with his right hand. Despite being struck in the back with prongs, Ramos-Erazo refused to follow officer commands until he was subdued, according to the arrest report. That might be how he got that bruise on his head. Officers searched the suspect's car for marijuana. They said they only found a small amount of shake. While en route to Lake County Jail, Ramos-Erazo allegedly pooped and urinated on himself in the patrol car. "The damage was mostly in man hours dedicated to cleaning the car," said Fred Jones, a spokesman for the Lake County Sheriff's Dept. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Regina Re: AOL to Eudora or Thunderbird Dear Webby Yes, it is true. Verizon got so fed up with all the complaining and bitching and threatening about the way they handled email, that they spent over 4 BILLION bucks to buy AOL. AOL is used to a lot of bitching and threats of violence. My question is, can I handle the AOL mail with Eudora or Thunderbird? How do I set them up? Regina Dear Regina Same as with Outlook, use IMAP settings. Too much in AOL mail is graphical doodads that don't work well in POP formation. incoming IMAP server: imap.aol.com port: 993 Connection security: SSL/TLS Authentication: Normal password User name: the part of your address before @ outgoing SMTP server: smtp.aol.com port: 465 Connection security: SSL/TLS Authentication: Normal password User name: the part of your address before @ Simple enough with those two programs. With Verizon downgrading their email to AOL, it will be extremely important to get proper spam protection like MailWasher. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Interesting: 11% of Americans can't find the US on a world map. 11 % of 280 Million is about 32 Million. hmmm, AOL claims to have 32 Million subscribers. Coincidence ? (Those numbers might be a bit out of date) ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheesy Baked Ziti By cherriefic [2 Posts] It's my own version of baked ziti that Italian restaurants serve. If you make it at home, you can save a lot. Approximate Time: 45 minutes Yield: 8 Ingredients: 250 mg Penne Regate Gourmet Pasta 200 mg 3 cheese tomato sauce 1/2 lb cheddar cheese, grated 1/4 lb bacon strips, crushed 1 clove garlic, chopped 1 small piece of onion, chopped 1/4 lb butter, sliced salt and pepper to taste Steps: Bring the water to a boil for the pasta. Make sure you add a little bit of oil and a pinch of salt to make your pasta perfect. Once cooked, drain water and pour cold water over to stop pasta being overcooked. Drain again and set aside. Heat saucepan on stove to medium heat. Melt butter and fry bacon strips. Once bacon is crispy, set aside to cool. In the same saucepan, add more butter until melted. Saute' garlic and onions. Pour in the three cheese sauce and bring it to boil. Assemble casserole in a baking pan. Alternate pasta, sauce and grated cheddar cheese. Repeat until all ingredients are in the pan. Top with more cheese covering most of the surface. Bake at 325 degrees F until all the cheese has melted. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register he saw a display of caps with "WWJD" printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn't figure it out, so he asked the clerk. The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would Jesus Do", and was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation. The man thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I'm pretty sure Jesus wouldn't pay $17.95 for one of these caps." ___________________________________________________
Spirit of Nature - Yanni
____________________________________________________ The doctor was examining a young model who was having tremendous pain in her side. "My dear, you have acute appendicitis," the doctor said. The woman became quite angry and said, "Don't try flirting with me, I just want to be examined, not complimented." ____________________________________________________ Jill and John boarded a crowded subway car on their way home to Brooklyn. Standing next to them was a man who'd clearly had a liquid lunch. When the doors opened at the next station, the man, who had been leaning onto the door, tumbled out and landed flat on his beak. John rushed to his side, picked him up, and hauled him back into the car. As the train was pulling away, the man mumbled to Jill and John, "That wasch my schtop." ____________________________________________________
David Madero does welding art and it’s incredible!

Today on March 17
0461 Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul. Ireland 
 celebrates this day in his honor.
1756 St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City 
 for the first time. The event took place at the Crown 
 and Thistle Tavern. 
1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia 
 during the Revolutionary War. 
1884 In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made the 
 first manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider flight 
 in the United States. 
1886 20 Blacks were killed in the Carrollton Massacre in 
 Mississippi. 
1891 The British steamer Utopia sank off the coast of 
 Gibraltar. 
1909 In France, the communications industry was paralyzed 
 by strikes. 
1910 The Camp Fire Girls organization was founded by Luther 
 and Charlotte Gulick. It was formally presented to the 
 public exactly 2 years later. 
1914 Russia increased the number of active duty military 
 from 460,000 to 1,700,000. 
1930 Al Capone was released from jail. 
1944 During World War II, the U.S. bombed Vienna. 
1950 Scientists at the University of California at Berkeley 
 announced that they had created a new radioactive element. 
 They named it "californium". It is also known as element 98. 
1958 The Vanguard 1 satellite was launched by the U.S. 
1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) fled Tibet 
 and went to India. 
1962 Moscow asked the U.S. to pull out of South Vietnam. 
1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the 
 Mediterranean off of Spain. 
1970 The U.S. Army charged 14 officers with suppression of 
 facts in the My Lai massacre case. 
1973 The first American prisoners of war (POWs) were released 
 from the "Hanoi Hilton" in Hanoi, North Vietnam. 
1982 In El Salvador, four Dutch television crewmembers were 
 killed by government troops. 
1985 U.S. President Reagan agreed to a joint study with 
 Canada on acid rain. 
1989 A series of solar flares caused a violent magnetic storm 
 that brought power outages over large regions of Canada. 
1992 In Buenos Aires, 10 people were killed in a suicide 
 car-bomb attack against the Israeli embassy. 
1999 A panel of medical experts concluded that marijuana had 
 medical benefits for people suffering from cancer and AIDS. 
1999 The International Olympic Committee expelled six of its 
 members in the wake of a bribery scandal. 
2000 In Kanungu, Uganda, a fire at a church linked to the 
 cult known as the Movement for the Restoration of the 
 Ten Commandments killed more than 530. On March 31, officials 
 set the number of deaths linked to the cult at more than 900 
 after authorities subsequently found mass graves at various 
 sites linked to the cult. 
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 800 million applications 
 downloaded.



2016  smiled.


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AOL to Outlook 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Alaskan arrested after he repeatedly hits sled dogs in Iditarod race with his snowmobile Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 15, in 1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England. ______________________________________________________ It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right - especially when one is right. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do think. ---- Olin Miller ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Liz, the waitress: "What would you like to drink?" Joe: "Just a coffee, without cream." Liz: "We don't have cream here. Do you want it without milk?" ______________________________________________________
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February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
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______________________________________________________ Three Jewish mothers are sitting on a park bench in Miami Beach talking about how much their sons love them. Sadie says, "You know the Chagall painting hanging in my living room? My son, Aaron, bought that for me for my 75th birthday. What a good boy he is, and how much he loves his mother." Minnie says,"You call that love? You know the Eldorado Cadillac I just got for Mother's Day? That's from my son Bernie. What a doll." Shirley says, "That's nothing. You know my son Stanley? He's in analysis with a psychoanalyst on Park Ave. Five session a week. And what does he talk about every session? Me." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Arnold Demoski, 26, Nulato Alaska Alaskan arrested after he repeatedly hits sled dogs in Iditarod race with his snowmobile A man accused of intentionally driving a snowmobile into teams of two mushers near the front of the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race has apologized for the incident in a Yukon River village of Alaska, but says he doesn't recall what happened. However, he claimed that the circling back and repeated attacks were just because he circled back to see if they were dead. At his speed, 80 - 90 mph, he would not have been able to tell. Arnold Demoski, 26, of Nulato, was arrested Saturday on suspicion of assault, reckless endangerment, reckless driving and six counts of criminal mischief. Demoski spoke to KTUU-TV, saying he was returning home from a night of drinking when he struck Aliy Zirkle and Jeff King's teams early Saturday morning. Hopefully he will also be charged with impaired driving. The crashes killed one of King's dogs and injured at least two others. One of Zirkle's dogs also was injured. Iditarod officials at first reported King had been injured. But the four-time champion said later the snowmobile had missed both him and his sled and just rammed the dogs. Demoski said when he woke up Saturday morning and heard what had happened to the mushers, he checked his snowmobile and realized he had done it. The snowmobile was missing a part and had rust-colored (blood) stains, he said. Demoski said he doesn't remember the collisions, which the Iditarod described as apparently intentional attacks. One dog on Zirkle's team was bruised. Officials described the injury as non-life-threatening. Zirkle reached Nulato and told a race official the incident had left her shaken. "I'm really bad. Someone tried to kill me with a snowmachine," she said on a video posted to the Iditarod Insider webpage. Snowmachine is what Alaskans call snowmobiles. King, a four-time Iditarod champion, was behind Zirkle and fared worse. When King reached the vicinity 12 miles outside of Nulato, his team was struck from behind by the snowmobile. Nash, a 3-year-old male, was killed. Crosby, another 3-year-old male, and Banjo, a 2-year-old male, received injuries and are expected to survive. King told the Iditarod Insider the snowmobile narrowly missed him and his sled, but rammed his dogs at high speed. "One of my dogs was killed pretty much on the spot, and a couple others I gave first aid to the best I could and loaded them into my sled," he told the Iditarod camera crew." Nash, who was murdered by the assassin: Musher King told Alaska Public Radio: "...And at the point of impact, the snowmachine’s cowling had flown off, the driver did not stop, and he was a distant light in an instant. He went by at 80 or 90 miles per hour, hit me, never slowed down. His snowmachine cowling flew off and he was gone.” The iditiarod dog sled race is about 1000 Miles from Anchorage to Nome to comemorate the 1925 treck of 20 mushers and dog teams that brought deperately needed diphtheria serum from Anchorage to Nome in 127 hours. I used to use dog teams for logging and transportation in the Yukon, and I sincerely hope the judge throws the book at this @#$%&*! ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rita Re: AOL to Outlook Dear Webby Hope you are doing well this fine day.. I switched over to aol mail over the weekend..I always read my mail though outlook with Verizon....I have outlook 2013..Could you please tell me how to read my AOL mail through outlook? I remember now why I switched from aol many years ago..Their service is horrible.Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you, Rita. Dear Rita I bet all of your friends are digging up AOL jokes and razzing you. I am sorry about that, and will refrain from doing that too. You probably have a good enough reason for doing that. Verizon is a company an awful lot of people love to hate, and not really known for doing customers any favors. They have bought AOL, possibly to further annoy their victims, and will slide their email processing over to AOL. Here are the instructions for Outlook. With AOL POP is bad, IMAP is good. Apparently they can't handle standard POP email correctly. Print out this page, then follow it step by step: http://pop2imap.com/aol_outlook_2013.php Do you want to change your address of your subscription, or can you keep the Verizon address? With Verizon downgrading their email to AOL, it will be extremely important to get proper spam protection like MailWasher. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A "too dumb to be a criminal" bonehead award, goes to a UK burglar who entered a couple's home with his dog to burgle it and who then escaped through the window when the couple suddenly returned, leaving his dog, Roxy, behind. Police put Roxy on a leash and then followed her home. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Quick Rice with Beans By dwedenoja [25 Posts, 17 Comments] Quick and easy Ingredients: 4 cups instant rice 1 (15 oz.) can pinto beans, undrained 1 cup shredded medium cheddar cheese lemon pepper seasoned salt Directions: Make 4 cups of instant rice according to directions. Add undrained pinto beans, cheese, pepper, and seasoned salt. Stir and cook on low until the cheese is melted. So good. Serve as a side dish. I like it with Tacos. Yummy and easy! Cooking Time:30 Minutes By Dorothy from New Creek, WV ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Sue had invited all the ladies in her support group to a dinner party. After a full day of preparation they were all finally gathered around the table. Sue turned to her six-year-old daughter and asked: "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I don't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say something that you heard Mommy say." The daughter bowed her head, thought about what mom had said at lunch and sang out: "Good Lord, why on earth did I invite all those whiny dingbats to dinner?" ___________________________________________________
secret service reverse driver training
____________________________________________________ Linda was telling a friend that she was really worried about her mother. The friend inquired as to the reason for her worrying. Linda informed her friend that her mom was always fatigued from staying up all night long. Her friend asked, "What's she doing staying up all night? At her age, that's not good at all!" Linda replied, "Oh, I don't know, probably waiting for me to come home." ____________________________________________________ A parent decreed one Christmas that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties. As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous checks she had given. The next year things were different, however. "The children came over in person to thank me," gramma told a friend triumphantly. "How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed. "What do you think caused the change in behavior?" "Oh, that's easy," the grandmother replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks." ____________________________________________________
This guy has some serious talent with paint.

Today on March 16
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England.
1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the 
 Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives. 
1527 The Emperor Babur defeated the Rajputs at the Battle 
 of Kanvaha in India. 
1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony, 
 later Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan 
 tribe in Maine who spoke English. 
1871 The State of Delaware enacted the first fertilizer law. 
1907 The world's largest cruiser, the British Invincible was 
 completed at Glasgow. 
1908 China released the Japanese steamship Tatsu Maru. 
1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks after 
 the inauguration of Gomez. 
1913 The 15,000-ton battleship Pennsylvania was launched 
 at Newport News, VA. 
1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated his throne. 
1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first 
 liquid-fuel rocket. 
1928 The U.S. planned to send 1,000 more Marines to Nicaragua. 
1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament and violated 
 the Versailles Treaty. 
1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia. 
1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. However, 
 small pockets of Japanese resistance still existed. 
1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv. 
1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on oleomargarine. 
1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting 
 mostly of women and children. The event is known as the 
 My-Lai massacre. 
1988 Mickey Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in 
 their driveway. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set 
 nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the 
 first person to travel more than 400 mph on land. 
1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit for 
 human consumption. 
1994 Tonya Harding pled guilty in Portland, OR, to conspiracy 
 to hinder prosecution for covering up the attack on her skating 
 rival Nancy Kerrigan. She was fined $100,000. She was also 
 banned from amateur figure skating. 
1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 125,000 
 suspects for 500,000 murders. 
1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European Commission 
 announced their resignations amid allegations of corruption 
 and financial mismanagement.


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Icon for a free weather site 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 15
The oracle warned Cesar about the Ides of March, (March 15)
Guard your back, senators are on the loose!



Thank you, Bonita!!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Naked Oregon man walked into stranger's home, said 'Hi', got chased away and fell off cliff. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 15, in 44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high ranking Roman Senators. The oracle had warned him about the "Ides of March." (March 15) ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lucy from Alabama for this one. After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide). The husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules, did taxidermy and sold Amway) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in 'Bama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me" Next the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. After that he told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherrybomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Trisha got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get caught in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got caught in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, but you can follow me over to K-Mart" ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
with this coupon link Get One Free
or
Get 15% off ANY ink and toner
with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Yesterday's Darwin Award was a hoax, that had been repeated by all kinds of sites. Sorry about that! Thanks to Subscriber Frank for alerting me to my goof. An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stephen Burton, 30, Pendleton, Oregon Naked Oregon man walked into stranger's home, said 'Hi', got chased away and fell off cliff. First his penis was dangling, and then he was - off a cliff. A man in Pendleton, Oregon, is behind bars after allegedly walking naked into the home of a woman he didn't know. "Hi, honey," he supposedly said, while trying to hug her. Officials said they later rescued him after he fell off a cliff and got caught upside-down in a tree. He was still naked. Gail Wilson was at home eating soup Saturday afternoon when the naked man appeared in her doorway. “He had a big grin on his face,” she told the East Oregonian newspaper. “He came walking toward me with his arms open wide. I kept saying ‘Get away from me. Get out of my house.’" Wilson, who suffers from muscular dystrophy, feared for her life. “I thought, ‘This is it, I’m going to be raped or murdered,'” Wilson told the paper. “I’d more or less accepted my fate. Today was my day. But I wasn’t going to let him take me gently.” Wilson shoved the naked intruder and told him to get away. She said the man grabbed her dog and took it into one of her bedrooms for a few minutes, according to KPTV.com. Wilson called 911. The dispatcher told her to ask the man his name, but that made him mad, and he ran out the door just as police arrived. The naked suspect, later identified as 30-year-old Stephen Burton, tried to escape by climbing a fence, that had been installed to keep people from falling down the cliff, shortly before falling. “Burton was hanging upside down from a tree by his ankle,” Pendleton Police Chief Stuart Roberts told MyColumbiaBasin.com. “During this time, he was aggressive, non-cooperative. At one point, he even tried to pull the handgun from one of the assistant deputy’s holster.” “We worked to keep him calm,” Dwight Johnson, an Umatilla County Sheriff’s Deputy, told EastOregonian.com. He said Burton seemed to be in a state known as “excited delirium” that is sometimes triggered by drugs. Burton was booked at the Umatilla County Jail on charges of burglary, harassment, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Fred Re: Weather site Dear Webby Do you know of a icon that will have the weather and temp. the is also free? Fred Dear Fred Go to http://www.theweathernetwork.com/ca/weather/alberta/black-diamond They will show you MY weather. Change the location in that, or sign up and put in your location and preferences. Then, when you get the weather for your town or village, drag the tiny icon from the left of the URL onto your desktop. That icon will then be your link to your weather. You can, of course, change the icon by RIGHT clicking it, Properties, Web Document Change Icon There are hundreds of icons in Windows, and you can also create your own. If you don't know how to create new icons, send me a picture that you want reduced to an icon. regular JPG is fine. I'll mail you a .ICO file back. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students. The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the other kind ?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Question: Wine Stains on Crystal By carolyn [4 Posts] How do I clean a red wine stain left in the bottom of a crystal glass? By Carolyn from Sydney, NSW Fill the decanter with a cup of cold water add 2 tablespoons of uncooked rice. Put the stoper on and hold it down while shaking the decanter, the rice will scrub the stain off. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Joe said to his wife, "Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our road except one." She replied, " Hmmm, I'll bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis at number 23." ___________________________________________________
an old trick with a new twist
____________________________________________________ A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... Why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe, she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up, she just fainted!" ____________________________________________________ Fred was in the hospital after a bad accident. He was in stable condition and expected to recover soon, but relatives from far and near were there visiting him. When the pastor heard about that he decided to pop in and get re-aquainted with them all. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate suddenly and he frantically motioned for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died. He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all. We'll let his widow read to us the last words Fred had for us." And with that he handed the note to Fred's widow. She opened the note, and read, "Step back, you idiot! You're standing on my oxygen tube!" ____________________________________________________
Gregory Klassen transforms knots and live edges into rivers and lakes and they're gorgeous!

Today on March 15
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high 
 ranking Roman Senators. The oracle had warned him about the 
 "Ides of March." (March 15)
1341 During the Hundred Years War, an alliance was signed 
 between Roman Emperor Louis IV and France's Philip VI. 
1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first 
 New World voyage. 
1778 In command of two frigates, the Frenchman la Perouse 
 sailed east from Botany Bay for the last lap of his voyage 
 around the world. 
1781 During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford 
 Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General 
 Cornwallis' 1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of 4,400. 
1864 Red River Campaign began as the Union forces reach 
 Alexandria, LA. 
1875 The Roman Catholic Archbishop of New York, John McCloskey, 
 was named the first American cardinal. 
1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot voting 
 machine. 
1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. It was 
 the first escalator. 
1902 In Boston, MA, 10,000 freight handlers went back to work 
 after a weeklong strike. 
1903 The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000 
 square miles were now controlled by the U.K. 
1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese shelled 
 Port Arthur in Korea. 
1907 In Finland, women won their first seats in the Finnish 
 Parliament. They took their seats on May 23. 
1909 Italy proposed a European conference on the Balkans. 
1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops under 
General Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit 
 Pancho Villa. The mission failed. 
1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated himself and his son. 
 His brother Grand Duke succeeded as czar. 
1922 Fuad I assumed the title of king of Egypt after the 
 country gained nominal independence from Britain. 
1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage. 
1935 Joseph Goebbels, German Minister of Propaganda banned 
 four Berlin newspapers. 
1937 In Chicago, IL, the first blood bank to preserve blood 
 for transfusion by refrigeration was established at the 
 Cook County Hospital. 
1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia. 
1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part of 
 Czechoslovakia. 
1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing. 15,000
 civilians were killed and all buildings demolished. 
1946 British Premier Attlee offered India full independence 
 after agreement on a constitution. 
1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four years 
 after the end of World War II. 
1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more troops 
 for the fight in Vietnam. 
1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil industry. 
1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile. 
1956 The musical "My Fair Lady" opened on Broadway. 
1960 The first underwater park was established as 
 Key Largo Coral Reef Preserve. 
1964 In Montreal, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor 
 were married.
1968 The U.S. mint halted the practice of buying and 
 selling gold. 
1982 Nicaragua's ruling junta proclaimed a month-long 
 state of siege and suspended the nation's constitution 
 for one day. This came a day after anti-government 
 rebels destroyed two bridges near the Honduran border. 
1985 In Brazil, two decades of military rule came to an 
 end with the installation of a civilian government. 
1989 The U.S. Food and Drug administration decided to 
 impound all fruit imported from Chili after two 
 cyanide-tainted grapes were found in Philadelphia, PA. 
1989 The U.S. Department of Veteran's Affairs became the 
 14th Department in the President's Cabinet. 
1990 In Iraq, British journalist Farzad Bazoft was hanged 
 for spying. 
1990 Mikhail Gorbachev was elected the first executive 
 president of the Soviet Union. 
1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration 
 of independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still 
 in force in the Baltic republic. Lithuania told them where 
 to stuff it.
1991 Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the 
 televised beating of Rodney King on March 3, 1991.
1991 Yugoslav President Borisav Jovic resigned after about 
 a week of anit-communist protests. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on nuclear 
 testing until September of 1995. 
1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed. 
1998 More than 15,000 ethnic Albanians marched in Yugoslavia 
 to demand independence for Kosovo. 
1998 CBS' "60 Minutes" aired an interview with former White 
 House employee Kathleen Willey. Wiley said U.S. President 
 Clinton made unwelcome sexual advances toward her in the 
 Oval Office in 1993. 
2002 Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life 
 sentence in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of 
 Pan Am Flight 103 on December 21, 1988. 
2002 In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger. 
 The event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold 
 nationally by a fast food chain. 
2002 In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for 
 drowning her five children on June 20, 2001. 
2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated 
 Press that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year pledge not to 
 use nuclear arms against states that don't have them. 
2004 Clive Woodall's novel "One for Sorrow: Two for Joy" 
 was published. Two days later Woodall sold the film rights 
 to Walt Disney Co. for $1 million. 
2016  smiled.


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Thumbnail Maker 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, March 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award AND a Darwin Award goes to a Florida zoo employee killed while attempting to rape an alligator Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 14, in 1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. ______________________________________________________ "Whatever it is the government does, sensible Americans would prefer that the government do it to somebody else." --- PJ Orourke Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody. --- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Here is a classic that keeps coming back: A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10. They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied: "We are in real BIG trouble this time! God is missing, and they think we did it!" ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Thanks to Shirley M for these famous quotes from TV shows: Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it all right to come out directly and ask him if he's married? A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score? A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A: Charley Weaver: His feet. Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out. ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin A ward has been earned by Jimmy Olsen 24, Naples, Floriduh Florida zoo employee killed while attempting to rape a young alligator A zoo keeper was killed this morning in the alligator enclosure of the Naples Zoo, while he was attempting to sexually assault a 12 foot long reptile. According to Captain Henri White, spokesman of the Naples Police Department, 24-year old Jimmy Olsen was engaged in full sexual intercourse with one of the younger reptiles, when he was surprised by one of the larger animals which attacked from behind. The young man was caught by the throat by the alligator, who dragged him underwater and drowned him. Jimmy Olsen’s death took place around 6:00 AM this morning, but his disappearance was noticed only an hour later by other employees. They finally discovered his dismembered body floating in the pool of the alligator enclosure around 8:30. “The images captured by the security cameras show that Mr Olsen had clearly placed himself in a very vulnerable position,” Captain White told reporters. “He had his pants around his knees and was lying down on top of one the animals, with his back to the others. The poor guy didn’t stand a chance! We can see him being dragged in the water, then he disappears from sight. He was probably dead within thirty seconds of the attack.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Patricia Re: Thumbnail maker Dear Webby I need a program for making thumbnails of a huge number of pictures. And NO, it can not be anything as dangerous as a paint program, it has to be simple and hubby-proof and not have the option of accidentally destroying the original by overwriting it with a little thumbnail. Also, I don't want a program that makes proof sheets because there will have to be some serious weeding out first. Just something simple and fast that will process a drive or a directory full of pictures in one batch and not need any messing around with individual pictures. Thanks Patricia Dear Patricia For that I would recommend Oscar's Thumb-Maker. You can download it free from http://www.mediachance.com/free/thumber.htm It's at the right hand bottom of that page. The left side of that page is just the story of why Oscar wrote that thumbnail maker. The trick with that program is to FIRST make a folder where you want it to store the thumbnails. The rest is easy. Browse to the drive or directory that has the originals, select that. Browse to the destination directory and select that. Choose the size, and hit start. It takes about 1/2 to 3/4 of a second per picture, and when it stops flashing the thumbnails in a high speed slide show, it is done. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ It was Judi's first plane trip. Boarding the aircraft she settled into a window seat in the smoking section. A man came over and politely said, "Ma'am, you're in my seat." "Go away and find another seat!" Judi replied. He said, "Okay, fine, you fly the plane." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing the Inside of an Egg By Katherine Main [1 Post] Stick a hole in each end of the egg with a needle being careful not to crack the egg as you slowly get the hole started with the needle. You then blow on one end of the raw egg and the egg will go through the other end if the hole is as large as the head of a pin. Hold over a bowl. You can use the eggs to make scrambled eggs if you are doing a lot. This is the only method I know of how to remove raw eggs and then you can place a sequin with glue over the small hole. Use a leather needle for the holes! They are like a 3 sided pyramid drawn to a sharp point, with each corner of the pyramid sharp enough to cut thick leather. You can twirl it like a drill and grind a hole into the shell. There is no strain on the shell and never a crack. Once you have both holes needle size, you can use a cheap 3/16" drillbit to enlage the exit hole. Just twirl it between thumb and forefinger, like you did with the leather needle. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A recent study found that 35% of men have been injured while undoing a woman's bra. That's correct. While unfastening a woman's stabilizing devise, men have received strained tendons, scratches, and other similar injuries. My neighbor Bob can vouch for that. He got injured today while trying to undo a woman's bra. When he undid the woman in front of him in the checkout line, she turned and hit him with a frozen chicken. ___________________________________________________
an old trick with a new twist
____________________________________________________ Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain what the value of the insured property was just before it burned, and then provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband." ____________________________________________________ A man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a minute?" "Why?" she asks. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife instantly appears out of nowhere." ____________________________________________________
These cookies are too pretty to eat!

Today on March 14
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to 
 Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 
1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 
1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria and 
 Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 
1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad on 
 board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 
1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin. 
1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in East 
 Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 
1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the bottom 
 of the English Channel to prepare for the first telephone links 
 across the Channel. 
1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the ratification 
 of the Gold Standard Act. 
1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered Mendel's 
 laws of heredity. 
1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would have 
 relaxed restrictions on polygamy. 
1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until after 
 their war. 
1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete with 
 Germany in naval strength. 
1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 
1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method to 
 assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a car 
 from 12˝ hours to 93 minutes. 
1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden off 
 the Chilean coast. 
1923 President Harding became the first U.S. President to file 
 an income tax report. 
1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, 
 committed suicide. 
1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only 
 judge is God and itself. 
1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia declared 
 its independence. 
1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S. 
 President to fly in an airplane while in office. 
1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by 
 the Royal Air Force Dambuster Squad on the Bielefeld railway viaduct. 
 It was the heaviest bomb used during World War II. 
1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the Philippines. 
1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the U.S.S.R. 
1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the Korean War. 
1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista 
 government of Cuba making it possible for Castro to defeat the government. 
1964 A Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald. 
1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and Cooperation 
 with the Soviet Union. 
1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. 
 The PLO bases were hit. 
1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a Trident aircraft 
 crashed into a factory. 
1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency landing near 
 Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. boxing team was aboard 
 the plane. 
1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria after they 
 had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 54 Pakistani prisoners. 
1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first time in 
 its 23-year history. 
1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under President 
 George H.W. Bush. 
1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their alleged part 
 in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a court agreed that the 
 police fabricated evidence. 
1991 Bolivian interior minister Guillermo Capobianco resigned after 
 U.S. officials accused him of receiving money from drug traffickers. 
1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to 
 enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 
1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for an 
 anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root out 
 Islamic militants. 
1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran. 
2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan 
 intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. 
 A five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset Ali 
 al-Megrahi was guilty of bringing down the plane over 
 Lockerbie, Scotland. 
2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. 
 Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley.
2016  smiled.


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Is W10 OK now? 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, March 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a NH man charged after taking excavator, tearing down Franklin building Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 13, in 1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. ______________________________________________________ "A man is given the choice between loving women and understanding them." --- Ninon de Lenclos (1620-1705) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An elderly couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde. "I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000 asking price," said the man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model." "Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash and, just look at her, how could I resist?" replied the grinning salesman. Just then the young woman approached the aged couple and gave them the keys. "There you go," she said. "I told you I would get the dope to reduce it. See you later, grandpa. Never mess with the elderly! ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
with this coupon link Get One Free
or
Get 15% off ANY ink and toner
with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ “I’ve never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. “You will bring me down safely, won’t you? “All I can say ma’am,” said the pilot, “is that I’ve never left anyone up there yet!” ______________________________________________________ Are you there? From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jordan Ingram, 28, Franklin, New Hampshire NH man charged after taking excavator, tearing down Franklin building A New Hampshire man is facing charges after police say he took his mother's excavator and began tearing down a building in Franklin. He caused enough damage that the building is now condemned. Police arrested Jordan Ingram, 28, after receiving a report o f a person damaging a building on Tannery Street. Ingram was captured as he was in a car on Interstate 89 in New London, according to police. Police say they don't know why he decided to start tearing down the building. He has been charged with destruction of property and criminal mischief. Ingram's mother owns the excavator and was trying to buy the building on Tannery Street. She told News 9 that she planned to have Ingram live there. When she saw him in the excavator, she called the police on him. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bob Re: Is W10 OK now? Dear Webby Need your advise again. Running Windows 8.1 on my one year old DELL "All in One". I have a free version of Windows 10 available on my computer. I get reminders from DELL several times a week to download. I can't afford to purchase Windows 10 and wonder whether it is OK to download now as I notice they have issued several updates. Would appreciate your advise. Bob Daily Voter. Dear Bob I know W8 is bad, but not nearly as bad as W10. Wait for 10.2 or 10.3, or better yet, get whatever is installed on your next machine. They just want to overload your machine with W10, so that you get fed up with your machine and buy a new one. Ignore their silly nagging. There might even be a way to stop it if you contact DELL support Keep in mind, YOU don't need W10. It's only the Chinese computer manufacturers who need you to overload your W8 machine and get a new one. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ From a church newsletter: We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. The Advent Retreat will be held on the second Sinday in December in the lover level of St. Mary's Church. The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church boared. The Ladies Auxiliary will be serving hot gods for lunch. As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. If you are not getting the church newsletter, please unsubscribe. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Porcupine Quills Before Removing By Jess [141 Posts, 789 Comments] If you ever have the bad luck to remove porcupine quills from your dog (or yourself), don't just rip the quills out. The barb will cause more damage going out than going in. If you snip off the quill, the hollow walls will collapse, allowing you to remove the barbed quill with less damage. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ While shopping in the mall, two woman with three children blocked the passage while they were looking at a display in the window of a lingerie store. As one pointed to some lacy pyjamas with matching robe in the window she asked the other woman with a wink: "Do you think Fred would like this?" "No way," her about six-year-old son replied. "Daddy would never wear that!" ___________________________________________________
Swanee River Boogie Woogie - Piano Solo
____________________________________________________ Mr. and Mrs. Thorne had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's vacation in the Bahamas. "I wish we'd brought the piano with us," said Mr. Thorne. "What on earth for?" asked his wife. "I left the tickets on it." ____________________________________________________ As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a woman standing by the curb waiting for somebody. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but if that dog hadn't honked..." ____________________________________________________
15 Finalists from Smithsonian’s 13th Annual Photo Contest.

Today on March 13
0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred. 
1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 
1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in 
 the colony of Virginia. 
1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal 
 to high-ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce 
 the American army. 
1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. 
1861 Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to be 
 used as soldiers for the Confederacy. 
1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff. 
1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. 
1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from 
 business and that he would spend the rest of his days 
 giving away his fortune. His net worth was estimated 
 at $300 million. 
1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country 
 when students refused to sing the Russian hymn 
 "God Protect the Czar." 
1902 Andrew Carnegie approved 40 applications from libraries 
 for donations. 
1908 The people of Jerusalem saw an automobile for the first 
 time. The owner was Charles Glidden of Boston. 
1911 The U.S. Supreme Court approved corporate tax law. 
1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force 
 attack in France. 
1918 Women were scheduled to march in the St. Patrick's 
 Day Parade in New York due to a shortage of men due 
 to wartime. 
1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution. 
1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been discovered 
 by scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell Observatory. 
1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in Jerusalem 
 confirming some biblical history. 
1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of the 
 U.S.S.R. 
1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American troops 
 on Hill 700 in Bougainville. 
1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tanks units were 
 stationed 20 miles from Tehran. 
1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General Draja 
 Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia. 
1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for 
 the cost of caring for war refugees. 
1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges. 
1963 China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit Peking. 
1969 The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the 
 conclusion of a mission that included the successful 
 testing of the Lunar Module. 
1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave. 
1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer. 
1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty. 
1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries 
 was lifted. 
1980 A jury in Winamac, IN, found Ford Motor Company innocent 
 of reckless homicide in the deaths of three young women that 
 had been riding in a Ford Pinto. 
1990 The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua. 
1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up 
 of the Alaskan oil spill. 
2002 Fox aired "Celebrity Boxing." Tonya Harding beat 
 Paula Jones, Danny Banaduce beat Barry Williams and 
 Todd Bridges defeated Vanilla Ice. 
2003 Japan sent a destroyer to the Sea of Japan amid 
 reports that North Korea was planning to test an 
 intermediate-range ballistic missile. 
2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that 
 scientists had found 350,000-year-old human footprints 
 in Italy. The 56 prints were made by three early, 
 upright-walking humans that were descending the side 
 of a volcano. 
2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopćdia Britannica 
 announced it would discontinue its print edition.
2016  smiled.


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Drivers licenses over the net 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, March 12

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Naked New Mexico dope, who led cops on 100 mph chase Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 11, in 1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. ______________________________________________________ No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous. --- Henry Adams (1838 - 1918) "It takes a lot of practice for a girl to kiss like a beginner." -- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A guy was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. The new guy was a wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear. "Hey, pal, what's the matter?" said the first guy. "I've been transferred to Los Angeles, California," the second answered. "They've got race riots, gang warfare, cops out of control, the highest crime rate....." "Hold on," said the first. "I've been in L.A all my life, and its not bad as the media says. Find a nice home, preferably an hour or tow out from downtown, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world." The second guy stopped shaking for a moment and said "Oh, thank God. I was worried to death, but if you live there and say it's ok, I'll take your word for it. .....What do you do for a living?" "Me?" said the first, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck." -------------- They used to tell that joke about Chicago, but according to one friend who lives there, Chicago has become safer than visiting his mother-in-law. ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
with this coupon link Get One Free
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with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ A man was standing first in line for tickets from those who had canceled their reservations to a sold-out play. The manager said he had two together, and pointed to the two women behind the man. "You wouldn't want to come between Mother and daughter, would you?" The man turned around, and replied, "No. I did that once, and regretted it right up until the divorce." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Barbara Arellano 51, Santa Fee New Mexico Naked New Mexico dope, who led cops on 100 mph chase A naked female motorist led New Mexico cops on a 100 mph chase Saturday morning that ended when she crashed the vehicle and then was running around on the freeway. After receiving 911 calls about a woman driving recklessly on Interstate 25 in Santa Fe, cops spotted Barbara Arellano, 51, behind the wheel of a Toyota Rav4 that was careening across the road. As she drove, Arellano was throwing items from the car, which topped 100 mph before it clipped a truck and crashed, according to a police report. Somehow, Arellano escaped from the vehicle unhurt and unburdened by clothes. Police dashcam footage showing the naked and top-heavy Arellano running through traffic (while doing this, she repeatedly yelled “Jehovah!”), has been x-rated and is not available to the public.. Arellano, pictured above, was eventually wrestled to the ground by police who covered her in a blue tarp provided by a passing motorist. According to investigators, Arellano explained that she had “used heroin, took a bunch of pills and drank whisky just before driving.” As for her lack of garments, Arellano explained that she was hot. Bystanders agreed. During a search of Arellano’s vehicle, cops found prescription pill bottles containing Tizanidine, a muscle relaxant, and Lorazepam, an anti-anxiety drug. Arellano was charged with drunk driving, battery on a peace officer, reckless driving, and fleeing from police. She was released from the Santa Fe lockup late Monday night after posting bond. Arellano’s rap sheet includes prior arrests for narcotics possession and disorderly conduct. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Harvey T. Re: How good are those international drivers licenses you can get over the net? Dear Webby Lately I saw a lot of mail re an international drivers license that you can order over the net and tha can even be used as ID. Is that true? Harvey T Dear Harvey Always remember: "Spammers Lie". Think about it. What would your typical state trooper say if he pulls you over and you hand him some international drivers license based on the Cayman Islands ? "OK, Mr Smart-Ass from the Cayman Islands. Show me your Visitors Visa ! Haven't got one? Well, we will just have to deport you back to the Islands then. Don't worry about these handcuffs. They won't feel so tight once you get used to them." With legitimate drivers licenses, "International" is just an addendum class of license, like an "Air-Brake" or "Bus" endorsement. Each legitimate drivers license is based on a jurisdiction that vouches for the fact that you have been properly identified and tested for your abilities. If you don't have a visitors Visa from that jurisdiction to the one in which the state trooper or policeman is based, then you are in a lot more trouble than if you had said you haven't got a drivers license. Some of those International drivers licenses are even worse, they generate a printable license with your name and addres, and a mug shot of a moneky. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Little Tommy had been to a birthday party at a friends house. Knowing his sweet tooth Tommy's mother looked straight into his eyes and said, "I hope you didn't ask for a second piece of cake." "No," replied Tommy, "but I asked Mrs. Smith for the recipe so you could make some like it, and she gave me two more pieces without me asking." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cut Porcupine Quills Before Removing By Jess [141 Posts, 789 Comments] If you ever have the bad luck to remove porcupine quills from your dog (or yourself), don't just rip the quills out. The barb will cause more damage going out than going in. If you snip off the quill, the hollow walls will collapse, allowing you to remove the barbed quill with less damage. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "I was married 3 times" explained the woman to a newly discovered bridge partner, "and I'll never marry again. My first 2 husbands died of eating poison mushrooms and my 3rd one died of a fractured skull." "That's a shame." said her friend , "How did THAT happen?" "He was a fussy eater and wouldn't eat the mushrooms." ___________________________________________________
Hans Klok - World record - 15 grand illusions in 5 minutes
____________________________________________________ A group of expectant fathers sat nervously in the hall. A nurse beckoned to one of them and said, "Congratulations, you have a son!" Another man dropped his magazine, jumped up and cried, "Hey, what's the idea? I got here two hours before he did!" ____________________________________________________ Q: What do you call a calf after it's six months old? A:Seven months old. ____________________________________________________
15 Finalists from Smithsonian’s 13th Annual Photo Contest.

Today on March 12
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. 
1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony. 
1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for 
 the first time in the US. 
1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the French 
 to leave the country. 
1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his automatic 
 telephone system. 
1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time. 
1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for nominal 
 freedom of religion throughout his territory. 
1905 In Rome, Premier Giovanni Giolliwas forced out of office 
 by continued civil strife. 
1906 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that corporations must yield 
 incriminating evidence in anti-trust suits. 
1909 The British Parliament increased naval appropriations for 
 Britain. 
1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to stem the 
 conflict with El Salvador. 
1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the cause 
 of infantile paralysis. 
1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original name 
 was Girl Guides. 
1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his technique 
 for putting sound on motion picture film. 
1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that symbolized 
 his defiance of British rule over India. 
1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of the German 
 Republic and ordered that the swastika and empire banner be 
 flown side by side. 
1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops entered Austria. 
1940 Finland surrendered to Russia ending the Russo-Finnish War. 
1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland. 
1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" to 
 help Greece and Turkey resist Communism. 
1966 Bobby Hull, of the Chicago Blackhawks, became the first 
 National Hockey League (NHL) player to score 51 points in a single season. 
1985 Larry Bird (Boston Celtics) scored a club-record 60 points against 
 the Atlanta Hawks. 
1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that he planned 
 to drop Secret Service protection and hire his own bodyguards in 
 an effort to lower the deficit by $3 million. 
1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the Art Institute 
 of Chicago to demand that officials remove an American flag placed 
 on the floor as part of an exhibit. 
1992 Mauritius became a republic but remained a member of the British 
 Commonwealth. 
1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 31 major 
 military bases. 
1994 A photo by Marmaduke Wetherell of the Loch Ness monster was 
 confirmed to be a hoax. The photo was taken of a toy submarine with 
 a head and neck attached. 
1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests. 
1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members of the 
 North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). All three countries were 
 members of the former Warsaw Pact. 
2002 Conoco and Phillips Petroleum stockholders approved a proposed 
 merger worth $15.6 billion. 
2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family nine months 
 after she was abducted from her home. She had been taken on June 5, 
 2002, by a drifter, who had previously worked at the Smart home. 
2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume reconnaissance 
 flights off the coast of North Korea. The flights had stopped on 
 March 2 after an encounter with four armed North Korean jets. 
2009 It was announced that the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL, would be 
 renamed Willis Tower. 
2010 In the U.S., Apple began taking pre-orders for the iPad. 
2016  smiled.


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How should back-up CDs and removable drives be stored? 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, March 11
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to Sammy Luciano arrested for 34th time after driving drunk in a stolen car at 110 mph Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 11, in 1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the Lend-Lease Act, which authorized the act of providing war supplies to the Allies. Without that, Russia and England would have been defeated in a year. ______________________________________________________ When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody. --- W. S. Gilbert (1836 - 1911) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Jean This is Lexi. She's an 8 week-old German Shepherd. I bought Lexi as a surprise for my wife, but it turns out she is allergic to dogs. So we are now looking to find her a new home. She is 39 years old, a beautiful and caring woman, who drives, is a great cook and keeps a very neat house. ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
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with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ Beth walked into the doctor's waiting room and couldn't find an empty seat anywhere. Finally, she walks over to one gentleman that was sitting down, and said, "I wonder if I might trouble you for your seat. You see, I'm pregnant." The gentleman groaned, and in obvious pain struggled to his feet and lurched across the room to lean on the the water fountain for support. As Beth sat down, another lady in the waiting room looked her over and said, "You know, if you hadn't told me, I never would have guessed you were pregnant. How far along are you?" Looking at her watch, she replied, "Oh, about a half an hour!" ______________________________________________________ Hi Owlie! From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sammy Luciano, 39, Palm City, Floriduh Sammy Luciano arrested for 34th time after driving a stolen car at 110 mph 39-year old Sammy Luciano is no stranger to illegal and dangerous behavior. Early this morning, Luciano tested the skills of Martin County Sheriff’s 400-Shift deputies, finding out quickly that they don’t give up until the job gets done. Late last night, the Okeechobee County Sheriff’s Office released a BOLO (be on the look-out) reference a stolen car out of their county. Just after 4 o’clock this morning, MCSO spotted that vehicle, driving recklessly at speeds of more than 110-mph. Deputies conducted a felony traffic stop near I-95 and SR714. When they attempted to speak to the driver, (who turned out to be Luciano), he took off on foot and ran into a dark muddy wooded area. Deputies set up a perimeter, and within 45-minutes, plucked Luciano out of the muck. Luciano has an extensive criminal history for crimes such as burglary, possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, robbery, fleeing and eluding, battery on a law enforcement officer, violation of probation, possession of drugs, driving with a suspended license, reckless driving, and causing serious injury or death by failing to stop. This time he was charged with felony drunk driving, grand theft of a motor vehicle, and resisting arrest. He was taken to the Martin County Jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Julia Re: How should back-up CDs and removable drives be stored? Dear Webby How should back-up CDs and removable drives be stored? Julia Dear Julia By far the best way to store them is in those lockable hardcase briefcases. If you are in a hurry to buy them, they are around $100, but every now and then they go on sale for as little as $14.95. Look for the ones that have combination lock latches and a harmonica style expansion section. To stand up CD's in them you need that expansion space. In those hardcases they are protected from dust, humidity, and rapid temperature changes. If you are in a hurry to evacuate the building for whatever emergency reason, you can quickly grab those hardcases with the company back-ups and carry them to safety in a much more civilized manner than juggling a stack of shoe boxes. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ As the rookie cop passed a store he heard a noisy argument. He paused, listened again, then stepped inside to investigate. "What's going on?" he demanded. "What's all the noise about?" "It's nothing," said Latreesha, the proprietor. "I'm all alone!" "Wait a minute, Ma'am," said the cop. "I distinctly heard an argument going on." "You don't understand, officer," said Latreesha. "I'm alone in the store. Business is terrible. So to pass the time away, I talk to myself, and when I talk to myself, there's bound to be an argument." "How can you argue with yourself?" asked the cop. "It's easy, said Latreesha, "because I hate liars!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organic Coconut Oil Chocolates By Marjorie [81 Posts, 1,754 Comments] Organic Coconut Oil Chocolates By Marjorie [81 Posts, 1,754 Comments] These are the best chocolates I have ever had. This recipe is organic and free of genetically modified ingredients. I use cacao powder, not to be confused with cocoa, real maple syrup that has to be refrigerated and coconut oil. The commercially made syrups are full of high fructose corn syrup and some maple flavoring. I buy a lot of food online through vitacost.com. Approximate Time: 1 hour Yield: 24 or more Ingredients: 1 cup organic virgin coconut oil 1/2 cup organic cacao powder 1/4 cup pure maple syrup Steps: Place all ingredients in a stand mixer and blend until smooth (stopping a couple times to scrape down the sides). Using a tablespoon, measure chocolate mixture and drop on baking sheets lined with parchment paper. Freeze for 1-2 hours. Remove and enjoy. Keep these chocolates in an air-tight container in your freezer. Option: add a couple drops of mint extract to give these chocolates a minty flavor. If you use real coconut oil, you will have to warm it to pour and measure it. If you don't like the real maple syrup, which can be rather harsh for people, who are not used to it, you can use honey. Then you don't have to keep them in the freezer. The Costco dried Mango chips in dark chocolate are a good example. No need to freeze or refrigerate, and quite hard even at room temperature. To get the strongest flavor, use "Fair Price" Cacao. It is more expensive, but mixing even a small percentage of it with regular Cacao makes a very noticeable difference. You can add raisins to the mix Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ May was teaching Susan, her 5-year-old grandaughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. Susan asked, "Do I click the square?" May said, "Yes." Then Susan asked: "Single click or double click?" ___________________________________________________
Richard Birsdsey photography video
____________________________________________________ You overdid it with your Birthday meal, if your arms are too short to reach the keyboard & delete this. ____________________________________________________ Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What's your excuse?" Patient: "I was just following your orders, Doc." Doctor: "Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order." Patient: "You told me to avoid people who irritate me." ____________________________________________________
Learn Italian hand gestures.

Today on March 11
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome. 
1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day 
 according to William Shakespeare. 
1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs 
 (rebels) and the French government. 
1665 A new legal code was approved for the Dutch and English 
 towns, guaranteeing religious observances unhindered. 
1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to 
 Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria. 
1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian Affairs. 
 Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian to lead the Bureau. 
1845 Seven hundred Maoris led by their chief, Hone-Heke, burned the 
 small town of Kororareka. The act was in protest to the settlement 
 of Maoriland by Europeans, which was a breach of the 1840 Treaty 
 of Waitangi. 
1865 Union General William Sherman and his forces occupied 
 Fayetteville, NC. 
1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted. 
1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard 
 shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than 
 400 people died.(March 11-14) 
1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the peace 
 overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger. 
1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal agreement 
 with Nicaragua. 
1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan 
 purchased Carnegie Steep Corp. The event made Andrew Carnegie 
 the world's richest man. 
1904 After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the 
 Hudson River was holed through. The link was between Jersey 
 City, NJ, and New York, NY. 
1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated. 
1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to 
 revoke its anti-Japanese legislation. 
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the 
 Lend-Lease Act, which authorized the act of providing war 
 supplies to the Allies. Without that, Russia and England would 
 have been defeated in a year.
1946 Communists and Nationalists began fighting as the Soviets 
 pulled out of Mukden, Manchuria. 
1946 Pravda denounced Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and a 
 warmonger. 
1964 U.S. Senator Carl Hayden broke the record for continuous 
 service in the U.S. Senate. He had sat 37 years and seven days. 
1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in an 
 effort to end arms smuggling to the South. 
1969 Levi-Strauss started selling bell-bottomed jeans. 
1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by getting 
 his 1,000th career goal. 
1986 Popsicle announced its plan to end the traditional twin-stick 
 frozen treat for a one-stick model. 
1988 A cease-fire was declared in the war between Iran and Iraq. 
1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It 
 was the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. 
1990 In Chile, Patricio Aylwin was sworn in as the first 
 democratically elected president since 1973. 
1992 Former U.S. President Nixon said that the Bush administration 
 was not giving enough economic aid to Russia. 
1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty 
 refusing to open sites for inspection. 
1994 In Chile, Eduardo Frei was sworn in as President. It was the 
 first peaceful transfer of power in Chile since 1970. 
1997 An explosion at a nuclear waste reprocessing plant caused 35 
 workers to be exposed to low levels of radioactivity. The incident 
 was the worst in Japan's history. The explosion was not nuclear
 related, except it broke some walls.
2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground zero in 
 New York as a temporary memorial to the victims of the terrorist 
 attacks of September 11, 2001. 
2016  smiled.


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Previous issues, and Microsoft phone calls 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 10

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to NM Brothers arrested for selling dope from Porta-Potty Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 10, in 1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 100,000 civilians were killed. History ______________________________________________________ The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing. --- Henry S. Haskins "He who knows others is wise; He who knows himself is enlightened." --- Lao-Tzu ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Wendy It's an Irish thing ya know see you all of a sudden Fox is cowering down to the president... In response to President Obama's complaint that FOX doesn't show enough Black and Hispanic people on their network, FOX has announced today that they will now air, "America's Most Wanted" twice a week. ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
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with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ The truck driver looked suspiciously at the soup he had just been served in a backwoods eatery. It contained dark flecks of seasoning, but two of the spots were suspicious. “Hey,” he called out to the waitress, “these things in my soup ­ aren’t they foreign objects?” She is scrutinizing his bowl. “No, sir!” she reassured him. “Those things live around here.” ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andres Plata, 18 and his brother Aaron Gonzales, 22, Albuquerque, New Mexico NM Brothers arrested for selling dope from Porta-Potty Police say an Albuquerque drug dealer, who was doing business out of an adult video store's portable toilet was busted. The Albuquerque Journal reports 22-year-old Aaron Gonzales was arrested in the Pussycat Video store's parking lot on Tuesday and is facing drug-trafficking charges. Andres Plata, his 18 year old brother, who is accused of leading an undercover officer to Gonzales, also was arrested. Court documents show Plata, who said he was Gonzales' brother, took the officer to the porta-potty after he asked him for heroin. The officer ended up buying $10 worth of heroin and $10 worth of methamphetamine as part of the investigation before Gonzales was arrested. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Penny Re: Previous issues, and Microsoft phone calls Dear Webby Would you be so kind as to e-mail me the pics and the story of the dumb girl who made her own license plate? I have some friends who works at BMV and they would love it ! I thought I saved it, but when I went to the file it wasn't all there. Also, I am still getting calls from "Microsoft". I got into a bit of a shouting match with one the other day. I told her I know it BS and to remove my phone number from the call list. She insisted she was from Microsoft. I hung up. I'm getting these calls often on both house phone and cellphone. I just feel bad for the ones who actually DO fall for the BS. Thanks. enjoy your daily smiles Penny Dear Penny Just go to http://webby.com/humor/blog and scoot down to that day. All the old Humor letters are there going back many years. Actually, there are always about 10 years in the blog. Re the Microsoft calls, did you know that they really hate it when you call them Microslop ? They got me blacklisted and don't call me anymore. No sense of HaHa. There is all kinds of silliness you can prank them with. When I see a fake state name instead of a company name or number in the Caller ID, then sometimes I answer with "Black Diamond Psychic Readings. Youuuu have a DIRTY mind and shouuuuud be ashamed of yourself!!!" Click Other times I answer in a low, slow and really evil voice and tell them: "You have done it. Now I am going to (in a voice that they expect me to say I was going to rip their head off and stuff it up their ass) tell Santa about you!" Click Remember, it's all for YOUR fun. Sometimes I tell them to hold a moment and put the phone down in front of the speaker and let them listen to http://AccuRadio.com, and my typing in the background. Eventually they all give up. There are lots of free text-to-speech programs available. There is one even built into Windows. Get some junior teens to write you a list of all the cusswords that they have ever heard. Then pick a voice like ROBOT, or John Wayne or whoever strikes your fancy, to read that list. You can tweak it faster, slower, higher, lower, etc. When you got it sounding the most intimidating, record it with Audacity, or any audio recorder, into an MP4 file, that you can save onto the desktop. Hit that icon and have your ROBOT or John Wayne cuss at them at length. Don't get an ulcer! Get even ;-) Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Roy was going to bed the other night when Carla told him that he had left the light on in the shed. She could see from the bedroom window. As Roy looked for hiself, he saw that there were people in the shed taking things. He phoned the police, but they told him that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available. Roy made sure they had the correct address, then said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just called you a minute ago because there were people burglaring my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because my neighbor shot them all. Now HE is in that shed! He probably has his cocaine stash in there." Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thought you said that your neighbor shot them!" Roy replied, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Plastic Bags Using Football Fold By lalala... [732 Posts, 97 Comments] Did you ever make paper napkin footballs when you were a kid? Well that childhood activity has a fabulous adulthood use too. Folding your plastic grocery bags using the football fold will reduce the space you need to store them. Plus it also makes them small enough to have a few on hand in your purse or diaper bag. Supplies: plastic shopping bags Steps: Lay the shopping bag flat and smooth it out. Fold the bag in half, lengthwise. Fold the bag in half again. Smooth it out. Start at the bottom of the bag, fold the lower left corner over towards the right side, creating a triangle shape. NOTE: By starting at the bottom of the bag, you will push out any air that is in the bag. Now fold the triangle upward, staying on the right side. Next fold the triangle over to the left side. Repeat until you reach the handle end of the bag. Tuck the handle end into the little pocket that was created. tuck ends infinished football I previously knotted our plastic bags, as you can see the football fold makes them much smaller! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ This one is a classic, that keeps coming back: A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The materials we put into our stomachs are enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, causes the most misery and yet all of us eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake?" ___________________________________________________
Marsha Brody, You Bet Your Life You have to listen very carefully :D
____________________________________________________ At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen. "Paddy," he asked casually, "didn't you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?" "That I did, sir." "And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny old world. Things in life aren't divided equally, are they?" "No, that they ain't sir," agreed Paddy, as he proudly slap- ped the mortar along the line of bricks. "My poor brother, he is such a fookin klutz, he couldn't lay one straight brick to save his life!" ____________________________________________________ There was this Chinese businessman visiting a newly acquired business in the United States. As a gesture of good will, the executives of his newly acquired business took him to a golf course for a round of golf. He had never played the game before. Upon his return to China, his family asked what he had done in the United States. He replied, "Played most interesting game. Hit little white ball with long stick in large cow pasture. Name of game is "Oh @#$%." ____________________________________________________
Learn Italian hand gestures.

Today on March 10
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the Battle of Aegusa.
0049 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and invaded Italy. 
1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the Western 
 Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain. 
1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did not call it 
 back for 11 years. 
1656 In the American colony of Virginia, suffrage was extended to all free 
 men regardless of their religion. 
1792 John Stone patented the pile driver. 
1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase from France 
 to the U.S. took place in St. Louis. 
1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered to the British. 
1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a combined Allied Army 
 at the battle of Laon.
1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, which ended 
 the war with Mexico. 
1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call with the 
 telephone. He spoke the words 
 "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see you." 
1880 The Salvation Army arrived in the U.S. from England. 
1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first graduation ceremony 
 because the only graduate was robbed and killed the night before. 
1902 The Boers of South Africa scored their last victory over the British, 
 when they captured British General Methuen and 200 men. 
1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an earthquake. 
1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating machine. 
1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at Courrieres. 
1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from Siam and Malaya. 
1910 Slavery was abolished in China. 
1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the 
 Manchu Ch'ing Dynasty. 
1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law forbidding 
 late-night work for women. 
1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler to speak 
 in public. 
1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs. 
1941 The Brooklyn Dodgers announced that their players would begin 
 wearing batting helmets during the 1941 season. 
1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain allowed 
 food to reach France. 
1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied the 
 accusation of spying on Allied troops.
1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 
 100,000 civilians were killed. 
1947 The Big Four met in Moscow to discuss the future of Germany. 
1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also known as 
 "Axis Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. of treason and 
 served 12 years in prison. 
1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS Missouri. 
 The ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the enemy position. 
1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp at 
 Ashau Valley. 
1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest 
 U.S. dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its 
 headquarters from Paris. 
1971 The U.S. Senate approved an amendment to lower the voting age 
 to 18. 
1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese town of 
 Ban Me Thout. 
1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to the 
 militants holding American hostages in Tehran. 
1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their continued 
 support of terrorism. 
1987 The Vatican condemned surrogate parenting as well as test-tube 
 and artificial insemination. 
1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months after 
 seizing power in a coup. 
1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw 540,000 U.S. 
 troops from the Persian Gulf region. 
1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal grand jury 
 about the Whitewater controversy. 
1998 U.S. troops in the Persian Gulf began receiving the first 
 vaccinations against anthrax. 
2002 The Associated Press reported that the Pentagon informed the U.S. 
 Congress in January that it was making contingency plans for the possible 
 use of nuclear weapons against countries that threaten the U.S. with 
 weapons of mass destruction, including Iraq and North Korea. 
2003 North Korea test-fired a short-range missile. The event was one of 
 several in a pattern of unusual military maneuvers.
2016  smiled.


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Fake PayPal email 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 9

Thank you Andrew !!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Illinois woman, who was arrested for driving with tree as hood ornament Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 9, in 1454 - Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in his honor. History ______________________________________________________ Baseball is 90% mental, the other half is physical. --- Yogi Berra (1925 - ) I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. --- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On a special teacher's day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her head, and said, "I bet I know what it is - flowers!" "That's right!" said the boy, "but how did you know?" "Just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy store owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is - a box of candy!" "That's right! But how did you know?" asked the girl. "Just a lucky guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held the bag over her head and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied. The teacher then said, "I give up, what is it?" The boy replied, "A puppydog!" ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ The Secretary of the Navy was inspecting a recently launched carrier. The entire crew stood at attention. "I suppose," said the Secretary jokingly to the carrier's captain, "you know the name of every man on the ship." "Yes, of course," was the captain's unexpected reply. "Aha," smiled the Secretary. "What's the name of the third man from the left there in the rear rank?" "William Jones," said the captain. The Secretary addressed the seaman himself. "What's your name, lad?" he asked. "William Jones, sir," replied Seaman Dale Abernathy, "but you can call me Bubba." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Maryann Christy, 54, Roselle, Illinois Woman arrested for driving with tree as hood ornament The Illinois woman, 54, is facing a drunk driving charge after allegedly plowing her car into a tree and then continuing to drive with the 15-foot accessory embedded in the vehicle's grille. Christy was nabbed in late-January after a Roselle Police Department officer spotted her driving with the tree as a hood ornament. Investigators estimated that Christy drove several miles before getting pulled over. Christy, who was navigating with the 2004 Lincoln’s air bags deployed, told the cop that she recalled hitting a tree, but could not remember where the 11 PM collision occurred. Christy, who was arrested a few miles from her home in Schaumburg, works as a marketing consultant, according to her LinkedIn profile. After Christy failed a series of field sobriety tests, she was arrested for drunk driving. She is next due in court in April on the misdemeanor charge. As seen above, police responding to the arrest scene made sure to photograph Christy’s vehicle. In addition to the DUI rap, Christy has also been cited for driving with an “obstructed window,” according to court records. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Fake PayPal mail Dear Webby Since you are the expert in many fields, I need to know is this e mail is legit or not. I think not as they would have addressed me by name. I have not used PayPal in many many years so I think it's phishing. If this account number might be real, delete it out of the post. Thanks and hope you are well. Wendy PayPal Dear Client, We emailed you a little while ago to ask for your help resolving an issue with your PayPal account. Your account is still temporarily limited because we haven't heard from you. We understand it may be frustrating to haven't full access to your PayPal account. You must verify your account as quickly as possible. What's the problem? We noticed some unusual activities on your PayPal account. Case ID Number: PP-084-206-403-905 VERIFY NOW Dear Wendy That is a phony as a $3 bill or as Broom Hilda'a election promises. Don't click, just dump, and then dump the recycle bin. That "VERIFY NOW" link calls a virus and trojan into your machine. Yes, PayPal uses your name, and they ALWAYS tell you to log on, and do stuff securely on their site. They NEVER tell you to click on anything in an email. AND, PayPal does not use Nigerian grammar like "frustrating to haven't full access" DUH! Just dump it! You could forward it to spoof@paypal.com But most likely a few thousand people have already reported that. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Patrick in Dublin see's a job advertised on a building site: 'Handy man wanted...apply within'. So he does and speaks to the foreman. Foreman: "Can you drive a fork-lift truck?" Patrick: "No." Foreman: "Can you plaster?" Patrick: "No." Foreman: "Can you lay brick?" Patrick: "No." Foreman: "If you don't mind me asking, what's handy about you?" Patrick: "I live next door to the pub across the street." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Blackberry Sauce By lalala... [732 Posts, 97 Comments] We are lucky to have blackberries growing everywhere around us. I recently picked 20 lbs. of them and decided to make this simple blackberry sauce to put on ice cream! sauce on ice cream Ingredients: blackberries, rinsed and dried 1-2 Tbsp corn starch 1/4 cup sugar Steps: Rinse and dry the blackberries. Remove any mushy ones. drying blackberries Put the blackberries into a large sauce pan, over MED heat. Stir in corn starch, mixing well. Heat the blackberries, stirring frequently. As they cook down, the sauce will begin to thicken. Cook until desired consistency. Add sugar, to taste. Allow to cool, then use as a topping on ice cream or anything that sounds good! Blackberries and raspberries turn into a very delightful topping if you simply fill a small Glad or Tupperware container and freeze them till winter. When you are ready, thaw them out. They will shrink and soften a bit, and there will be juice at the bottom. Kids may want some sugar a dded, but most adults will like them as they are, just a tiny bit more tart than straight off the bushes. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. after inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped dead, right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!" "Oh dear! I'm very sorry," replied her friend. "What did you do?" "Opened a can of peas instead!" ___________________________________________________
Weird Al Yankovich - Bob - Palindromes
____________________________________________________ >From Noella Weird Al Yankovich's Palindromes I, man, am regal - a German am I Never odd or even If I had a hi-fi Madam, I'm Adam Too hot to hoot No lemons, no melon Too bad I hid a boot Lisa Bonet ate no basil Warsaw was raw Was it a car or a cat I saw? Rise to vote, sir Do geese see god? "Do nine men interpret?" "Nine men," I nod Rats live on no evil star Won't lovers revolt now? Race fast, safe car Pa's a sap Ma is as selfless as I am May a moody baby doom a yam? Ah, Satan sees Natasha No devil lived on Lonely Tylenol Not a banana baton No "x" in "Nixon" O, stone, be not so O Geronimo, no minor ego "Naomi," I moan "A Toyota's a Toyota" A dog, a panic in a pagoda [ Oh no! Don Ho! Nurse, I spy gypsies - run! Senile felines Now I see bees I won UFO tofu We panic in a pew Oozy rat in a sanitary zoo God! A red nugget! A fat egg under a dog! Go hang a salami, I'm a lasagna hog ____________________________________________________ The nice part about living in a small town: When you don't know what you're doing, someone else always does. ____________________________________________________
This Animal Lover Takes the Best Selfies Ever

Today on March 9
1454 - Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. 
 Matthias Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the 
 American continent in his honor. 
1617 - The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of 
 Northern Russia by Swedish troops. 
1734 - The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland. 
1745 - The first carillon was shipped from England 
 to Boston, MA. 
1793 - Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon 
 flight in North America. The event was witnessed by 
 U.S. President George Washington. 
1796 - Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais 
 were married. They were divorced in 1809. 
1799 - The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, 
 of Berlin, CT, for 500 horse pistols at the price of 
 $6.50 each. 
1812 - Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon. 
1820 - The U.S. Congress passed the Land Act that paved 
 the way for westward expansion of North America. 
1822 - Charles M. Graham received the first patent for 
 artificial teeth. 
1839 - The French Academy of Science announced the 
 Daguerreotype photo process. 
1858 - Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box. 
1862 - During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor 
 and Virginia fought to a draw in a five-hour battle at 
 Hampton Roads, Virginia. 
1897 - A patent was issued to William Spinks and William 
 Hoskins for cue chalk. 
1900 - In Germany, women petition Reichstag for the right 
 to take university entrance exams. 
1905 - In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the 
 royal tombs of Tua and Yua. 
1905 - In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000 
 Russian troops that were retreating from Mudken. 
1905 - In Congo, Belgian Vice Gov. Costermans committed 
 suicide following an investigation of colonial policy. 
1906 - In the Philippines, fifteen Americans and 600 Moros 
 were killed in the last two days of fighting. 
1909 - The French National Assembly passed an income tax bill. 
1910 - Union men urged for a national sympathy strike for 
 miners in Pennsylvania. 
1911 - The funding for five new battleships was added to the 
 British military defense budget. 
1916 - Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, 
 New Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen. 
1932 - Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish Free 
 State and pledged to abolish all loyalty to the British Crown. 
1936 - The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the 
 upcoming elections would be arrested. 
1945 - During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched 
 incendiary bomb attacks against Japan. 
1946 - The A.F.L. accused Juan Peron of using the army to 
 establish a dictatorship over Argentine labor. 
1949 - The first all-electric dining car was placed in 
 service on the Illinois Central Railroad. 
1956 - British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop 
 Makarios from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting terrorists. 
1957 - Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the 
 tolls for the use of the Suez Canal. 
1959 - Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair 
 in New York. 
1964 - Production began on the first Ford Mustang. 
1965 - The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam. 
1967 - Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected 
 to the United States. 
1969 - "The Smothers Brothers' Comedy Hour" was canceled 
 by CBS-TV. 
1975 - Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. 
1975 - Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds. 
1977 - About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three 
 buildings in Washington, DC. They killed one person and 
 took more than 130 hostages. The siege ended two days later. 
1983 - The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S. 
 President Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic anti-communism." 
1985 - "Gone With The Wind" went on sale in video stores across 
 the U.S. for the first time. 
1986 - U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the space 
 shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the astronauts. 
1987 - Chrysler Corporation offered to buy American Motors 
 Corporation. 
1989 - In Maylasia, 30 Asian nations conferred on the issue 
 of "boat people." 
1989 - In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into 
 bankruptcy. 
1989 - In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a 
 mandatory death penalty in drug-related killings. 
1990 - Dr. Antonia Novello was sworn in as the first female 
 and Hispanic surgeon general. 
1993 - Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four 
 Los Angeles police officers accused of violating his civil rights.
1995 - The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for illegally 
 fishing off of Newfoundland. 
2000 - In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik 
 resigned as a result of an environmental dispute. 
2016  smiled.


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Reimageplus infection 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 8

Thank you Sig !!
Thank you, Donna!!   

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Texan, who played with a gun and his kids and accidentally shot his daughter into the chest. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 8, in 1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion. History ______________________________________________________ Anything too stupid to be said is sung. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?" Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, the window was closed, and it smacked against the glass. Her husband replied calmly, "Yes, it is." ______________________________________________________
Save up to 85% OFF retail prices on Ink & Toner-Click here
February Deal: Buy one, get one free, on most products
with this coupon link Get One Free
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Get 15% off ANY ink and toner
with THIS coupon link 15% off ANY ink and toner
______________________________________________________ A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium. ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Justin Ryan Jones, 30, Austin, Texas Father pretended to shoot daughter, gun went off. The 7-year-old son of an Austin man said his father was pretending to fire at his sister when the gun went off and he shot the 9-year-old girl, according to an arrest affidavit. Justin Ryan Jones, 30, is charged with injury to a child, a first-degree felony, and remained in the Bell County Jail Monday in lieu of a $25,000 bond, jail records showed. Jones allegedly told a Bell County Sheriff’s Department deputy he was showing his children gun safety when the gun he was holding fired and shot his 9-year-old daughter. But Jones’ son said his father was pretending to shoot them. The 7-year-old said he liked the clicking sound the gun made. He said his father pulled the trigger and “his sister was shot,” the affidavit said. Jones’ 6-year-old son said his father was pointing the gun at his sister and held it in both hands while pretending the shoot them. The girl was shot in the upper chest area and was initially in critical condition when transported to Baylor Scott and White Memorial Hospital. The injuries she had led to several surgeries, but she was recently released from the hospital and is expected to fully recover, Lt. T.J. Cruz, Bell County spokesman, said Friday. Jones was allowed to go to the hospital with his daughter after the shooting because he was so upset after the incident, Cruz said. The father was watching his children in their grandparent’s home in the 5200 block of Indian Springs Road when the shooting happened. The children live with their grandparents, Cruz said. Children’s Protective Services is investigating the case and is involved with the family, Julie Moody, spokeswoman for the Texas Department of Family & Protective Services, said Monday. CPS has not removed the children, Moody said. Jones was arrested Friday afternoon after authorities received a tip he was in a parking lot near Michaels, 3550 General Bruce Drive in Temple. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: Reimageplus infection Dear Webby I've run across this as has a neighbor...when accessing a perfectly "safe" website (as if there is such a thing) such as Kohls, or my local news channel, occasionally a red screen will pop up that says "you appear to have pop ups enabled" and it wants me to call a number to have Windows 10 "repaired". Of course I realize this is a scam and just close out of it....I HAVE Adblock running, I just wondered if you've heard of this before and have any idea what it is. My neighbor came running to me because he (stupidly) called the number and gave them access to his computer so gave him some advice about getting a virus program and running in safe mode, but I'm "fairly" sure I'm ok in that regard. Any thoughts? Donna Dear Donna If the neighbor gave them access to his computer, he might as well format it. He might be able to save some data, but it will be very risky. BBQ on high will be the safest. In your case, you can easily save your machine. You just have a malware infection. Reimageplus is a known malware infection. Get MalwareBytes from http://webby.com/malwarebytes and let it clean your machine. Have FUN! DearWebby Dear Webby YOU DA MAN, WEBBY! I downloaded the free version of Malwarebytes (good enough?) and found 37 baddies. Donna _____________________________________________________ There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. The preacher went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck. After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Having children is an act of God!" Silence fell on the congregation. In the back of the room, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Snow and rain are also acts of God, but when we get too much, we wear rubbers." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Blackberry Sauce By lalala... [732 Posts, 97 Comments] We are lucky to have blackberries growing everywhere around us. I recently picked 20 lbs. of them and decided to make this simple blackberry sauce to put on ice cream! sauce on ice cream Ingredients: blackberries, rinsed and dried 1-2 Tbsp corn starch 1/4 cup sugar Steps: Rinse and dry the blackberries. Remove any mushy ones. drying blackberries Put the blackberries into a large sauce pan, over MED heat. Stir in corn starch, mixing well. Heat the blackberries, stirring frequently. As they cook down, the sauce will begin to thicken. Cook until desired consistency. Add sugar, to taste. Allow to cool, then use as a topping on ice cream or anything that sounds good! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ First golfer, Bill: "What was your score?" Bob: "Seventy-two." Bill: "That's not too bad at all!" Bob: "Thanks! I hope I'll do better on the second hole." ___________________________________________________
Robin Williams on accents
____________________________________________________ During the course of being interviewed by the press, the noted doctor was asked by a reporter: "Doctor, did you ever make a serious mistake?" "Yes, was the reply, "I sure did! I once cured a millionaire before he was broke!" ____________________________________________________ Did you know that..... Football was actually invented by a group of women, ...as a way to keep their husbands out of the kitchen on Thanksgiving! ____________________________________________________
The floating in air bonsai trees are so calming to watch.

Today on March 8
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion. 
1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of 
 cKing William III. 
1782 The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians 
 were killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids 
 carried out by other Indians. 
1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge 
 at Niagara Falls, NY. 
1862 The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched. 
1880 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes declared that the 
 United States would have jurisdiction over any canal built 
 across the isthmus of Panama. 
1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett Horton. 
1894 A dog license law was enacted in the state of New York. 
 It was the first animal control law in the U.S. 
1904 The Bundestag in Germany lifted the ban on the Jesuit 
 order of priests. 
1905 In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was 
 spreading to Georgia. 
1907 The British House of Commons turned down a women's 
 suffrage bill. 
1909 Pope Pius X lifted the church ban on interfaith marriages 
 in Hungary. 
1910 In France, Baroness de Laroche became the first woman to 
 obtain a pilot's license. 
1910 The King of Spain authorized women to attend universities. 
1911 In Europe, International Women's Day was celebrated for 
 the first time. 
1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared 
 that Britain would not support France in the event of a 
 military conflict. 
1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and 
 strikes in St. Petersburg.
1917 The U.S. Senate voted to limit filibusters by adopting 
 the cloture rule. 
1921 Spanish Premier Eduardo Dato was assassinated while 
 leaving the Parliament in Madrid. 
1921 French troops occupied Dusseldorf, Germany. 
1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first 
 time at Franklin, IN. 
1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to 
 extinguish any anti-Nazi protests. 
1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon, 
 Burma. 
1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in 
 Bougainville. The battle lasted five days. 
1945 Phyllis Mae Daley received a commission in the U.S. Navy 
 Nurse Corps. She later became the first African-American nurse 
 to serve duty in World War II. 
1946 In New York City, the "Journal American" became the first 
 commercial business to receive a helicopter license. 
1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam. 
1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction in 
 public schools was unconstitutional. 
1953 A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers had 
 quit farming over the last 2 years. 
1954 France and Vietnam opened talks in Paris on a treaty to form 
 the state of Indochina. 
1959 Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance together. 
1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They 
 were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam. 
1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number of troops 
 in Vietnam. 
1973 Two bombs exploded near Trafalgar Square in Great Britain. 
 234 people were injured. 
1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans with 
 poison gas. 
1985 The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) reported that 407,700 
 Americans were millionaires. That was more than double the total 
 from just five years before. 
1988 In Fort Campbell, KY, 17 U.S. soldiers were killed when two 
 Army helicopters collided in midair. 
1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three days of 
 protest against Chinese rule. 
1999 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the conviction of Timothy McVeigh 
 for the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City in 1995. 
1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed the 
 firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at the Los Alamos 
 National Laboratory. The firing was a result of alleged security 
 violations. 
2001 The U.S. House of Representatives voted for an across-the-board 
 tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next decade. 
2005 In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan Maskhadov was 
killed during a raid by Russian forces.
2016  smiled.


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MS Works on W10 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 7
   
Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to Florida Brother and sister arrested in Girl Scout cookie seller robbery Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 7, in 1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men massacred more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners. History ______________________________________________________ If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. --- Mel Brooks (1926 - ) I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. --- Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "Political correctness gone mad," award goes to the Neil Adams Fitness Center in Coventry in the UK for banning exercising vests at the gym because seeing large biceps on some people might hurt the feelings of more puny folks. Two-cup Superbounce bra enhancers will continue to be allowed though, as long as the garment worn over them is long sleeved and closed at the neck so as to protect other exercisers should they become dislodged. ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Bubba was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client. "Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. "Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if Bubba had any whiskey he would sell it?" He was acquitted. ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicholas Delbrugge, 20 and his sister, Ashley Winters, 25, Deltona, Floriduh Brother and sister arrested in Girl Scout money theft Two people accused of stealing money from a Girl Scout who was selling cookies outside a local Walmart have been arrested. Nicholas Delbrugge, 20, and his sister, Ashley Winters, 25, were arrested Wednesday when they arrived in Deltona following a trip to North Carolina, the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office said. Deputies said Delbrugge grabbed a 12-year-old Girl Scout’s cash box while she was selling cookies in front of a Deltona Walmart on Sunday. Authorities keyed in on the suspects when a New Smyrna Beach police officer watched surveillance video of the theft and recognized Delbrugge from a prior incident, deputies said. Investigators used Facebook to track the pair to a Volusia County address, where a man confirmed the people in the surveillance photos were his grandchildren, but he said they were in North Carolina. Delbrugge and Winters were arrested when they returned to Florida Wednesday and the victim identified Delbrugge in a photo lineup a short time later. Two carreer crooks agains one 12 year old girl scout! And she didn't even have to tie them up. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Microsoft Works 2006 work on W10? Dear Webby From a little digging, it looks like later versions of Works work better on Windows 10 than earlier versions: Microsoft Answers... Some of that thread is pretty funny, especially the first few responses. This person asks in a Microsoft sponsored forum about one Microsoft product running on another Microsoft product, and the first answer is essentially “I dunno, contact the software developer.” Even when someone was able to get it to install, they reported spurious error messages, lockups, or lost data. So I’m not sure I would trust it with anything important. If you can convince the reader to switch to Libre Office, here is a good tip: Convert to docx Aloha, -mkr Dear Mike Thank you for your valuable information! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ There's a new jewelry store in Hollywood whose business has suddenly leaped ahead of all the competition. It rents out wedding rings. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Blackeyed Pea Croquettes By R Barbara [145 Posts, 48 Comments] Approximate Time: 1 hour prep and cooking time Yield: 12 Ingredients: 2 cups, cooked blackeyed peas, one can 1/2 cup finely chopped onion 1/4 cup finely chopped fresh pepper, such as Anaheim (you could use a hotter pepper to suit your tastes) 1/4 cup yellow corn meal mix, we used Jiffy 1/4 cup all purpose flour 1/4 tsp salt 1/4 tsp black pepper 1/8 to 1/4 tsp Tony Chachere's Creole Seasoning, our own addition and a nod to my father's love of spicy food 1 egg 1/2 cup buttermilk oil for frying, about 1/4 cup, we used canola Steps: We used canned peas so we rinsed them with cold water and patted off the excess moisture before placing in a mixing bowl. Mash some of the peas (about 1/3 to 1/2) with the back of a mixing spoon. Slice pepper lengthwise, remove pith and seeds, then chop. Chop onion. Add onion, pepper, corn meal mix, flour, salt, pepper, and Tony's to the peas in your mixing bowl. In a small bowl, whisk egg with the buttermilk until well blended. Stir egg mixture into pea mixture and mix well. Set aside and allow to rest for approximately 10 minutes. Meanwhile, heat the oil in a heavy skillet over medium heat. The recipe called for medium to high heat, but on our stovetop we went with medium as higher heat caused the croquettes to brown too quickly without cooking thoroughly. When the oil is hot, drop the batter into the skillet in heaping tablespoonfuls about 1 inch apart. Fry for about 1 to 2 minutes on each side until a rich golden brown. Continue with remaining batter. Transfer to paper towel lined plate or cookie sheet. Keep croquettes warm in a 200 degree F oven until all are cooked. Serve warm. Source: www.oatmealgourmet.com ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two teens, ages fourteen and sixteen, were turned down by the marriage license clerk. Then they asked, "Could you give us a learners' permit?" ___________________________________________________
angry yoga teacher
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Walter from http://stonecarver.com for this one: Psychiatry students were in their Emotional Extremes class. "Let's set some parameters," the professor said. What's the opposite of joy?" he asked one student. "Sadness," he answered. The opposite of depression?" he asked another student. "Elation," he replied. Then the professor asked a young woman from Texas:"The opposite of woe?" The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddyup." ____________________________________________________ Thanksgiving Day was approaching, and a family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on its way to church. Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing, "The pilgrim children LIKED to go to church with their mothers and fathers." "Oh, yeah?" her grandson replied, "And their dad is carrying that long rifle to make sure they LIKED to go along peacefully?" ____________________________________________________
Now I'm going to have to try this out.

Today on March 7
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 
1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce. 
1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men massacred 
 more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners. 
1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed. 
1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved. 
1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine. 
1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent for his telephone. 
1901 It was announced that blacks had been found enslaved in 
 parts of South Carolina. 
1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok. 
1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a 
 black man accused of murder. 
1906 Finland granted women the right to vote. 
1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before the 
 city council that, "Women are not physically fit to operate 
 automobiles." 
1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker. 
1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent 
 20,000 troops to the border of Mexico. 
1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany. 
1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia. 
1927 A Texas law that banned Negroes from voting was ruled 
 unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 
1933 The board game Monopoly was invented. 
1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph 
 in Florida. 
1936 Hitler sent German troops into the German Rhineland in 
 violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles. 
1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea. 
1945 During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River 
 at Remagen, Germany. 
1947 John L. Lewis declared that only a totalitarian regime 
 could prevent strikes. 
1951 U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway 
 launched Operation Ripper against the Chinese. 
1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey 
 competition. Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world 
 ice-hockey title in Stockholm, Sweden. 
1955 "Peter Pan" was presented as a television special 
 for the first time. 
1959 Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a 
 million miles in jet airplanes. 
1965 State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march by 
 civil rights demonstrators in Selma, AL. 
1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end. 
1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos. 
1975 The U.S. Senate revised the filibuster rule. The new rule 
 allowed 60 senators to limit debate instead of the previous 
 two-thirds. 
1981 Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the kidnapped 
 American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman. The guerrillas 
 accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent. 
1985 The first AIDS antibody test, an ELISA-type test, was released. 
1987 Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder when he 
 beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round fight in Las 
 Vegas, NV.
1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II massacre 
 in Katyn. Russia had blamed the Germans for that.
1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke fun at 
 an original work can be considered "fair use" that does not 
 require permission from the copyright holder. 
1999 In El Salvador, Francisco Flores Pérez of the ruling 
 Nationalist Republican Alliance (Arena) was elected president. 
2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than $88 million 
 in damages. The ruling was the latest in a legal battle over the 
 estate of Smith's late husband, J. Howard Marshall II. 
2003 Scientists at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center announced 
 that they had transferred 6.7 gigabytes of uncompressed data from 
 Sunnvale, CA, to Amsterdam, Netherlands, in 58 seconds. The data 
 was sent via fiber-optic cables and traveled 6,800 miles. 
2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching for 
 extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched from Cape 
 Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida. 
2012 The successor to Apple's iPad2 was unveiled. 
2016  smiled.


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Will Microsoft Works 2006 work on W10? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 6

   
Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a New York woman faces felony charge for driving with homemade license plate Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 6, in 1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Anna and his army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men defeated the 189 Texas volunteers. History ______________________________________________________ Every hero becomes a bore at last. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Pythagorean theorem : 24 Words The Lord's Prayer : 66 Words Archimedes' Principle : 67 Words The 10 Commandments : 179 Words The Gettysburg Address : 286 Words The Declaration of Independence : 1,300 Words The U. S. Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 Words ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ >Thanks to Rose for this one: BAKED STUFFED TURKEY 16- 25 lb. turkey 2 C melted butter 2 C stuffing 2 C uncooked popcorn salt/pepper to taste Carefully search the cavity of the turkey for two plastic baggies. One contains some incomprehensible gibberish printed on paper, probably instructions. Discard that. Baked and plasticised instructions taste awful. The other contains gizzards or giblets or whatchamacallits, some mysterious inner organs of the turkey. Give those to your dog or cat. If the dog or cat dies by the time the turkey is cooked, don't eat the turkey. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush turkey well with melted butter, salt and pepper. Fill cavity with popcorn. Sew it up securely with butcher twine. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for popping sounds. When the turkey's butt blows the oven door open, and the turkey flies across the room, it's done, by golly. Microwave the stuffing and sprinkle it with turkey soup to make it easier to stuff it through a large oil-change funnel into the turkey. And you thought I couldn't cook. ______________________________________________________ Lower Yellowstone Falls From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amanda Schweickert, 28, Sardinia, Nedw York New York woman faces felony charge for driving with homemade license plate A Sardinia, NY., woman is facing several charges after Erie County Sheriff's deputies discovered her hand crafted license plate during a traffic stop. A deputy pulled over Amanda Schweickert, 28, in the western New York town of Springville Wednesday morning after the officer noticed that Schweickert's license plate just didn't look right. According to the Erie County Sherif's Office, Schweickert's license plate had been fashioned from cardboard and then painted to look like a legit plate. Schwieckert was also driving a car with a suspended registration and without insurance. The 28-year-old has been charged with a felony count of possessing a forged instrument, a misdemeanor count of operating a vehicle with a suspended registration and three vehicle and traffic infractions. Schweickert being held at the Erie County Holding Center in lieu of $400 bail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Will Microsoft Works 2006 work on W10? Dear Webby I have finally purchased a laptop and want to know if I can install Microsoft Works Suite 2006 on it with it running Windows 10 I've done some research but can't seem to find anyplace that will tell me yes or no. Thanks again, you're always such a fantastic help. Cheers, Wendy Dear Wendy Underneath the awkward user interface and more demanding rigmarole, it's still the same old Windows. Works has been replaced with Microsoft Office, but I have a hunch that it still works on W10. Install it and find out! It is not going to break anything. Microsoft claims that W10 is compatible with older Microsoft software and the reason it is so big and clumsy is because of making it compatible with old Microsoft software. However, they also make a Converter available at https://www.microsoft.com/en-gb/download/details.aspx?id=12 Install it, and see if you need that converter. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ As the principal made his rounds, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused. Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior. "Now," he said," are there any questions?" One girl stood up timidly. "What are you going to do to the teacher out in the hallway ?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Better Boxed Macaroni and Cheese By melissa [280 Posts, 423 Comments] Add a few extra ingredients to boxed macaroni, and end up with something a million times tastier and more substantial. Quick and easy! Approximate Time: 20 minutes? Yield: Around 8-10 servingsBetter Boxed Macaroni and Cheese Ingredients: 5-6 boxes macaroni and cheese 1 can (28 oz) diced tomatoes, drained 2- 15.25 cans (15.25 oz) corn, drained 2 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese 8 Tbsp butter 1 cup milk salt and pepper to taste Steps: Bring pan of water to a boil. Add macaroni and cook for about 7 minutes or until tender. Drain. Add remaining ingredients, including cheese packets. Better Boxed Macaroni and Cheese Stir over medium/high heat until butter is melted and ingredients are thoroughly combined. Enjoy! Source: My Mom You can, of course, also use No-Name-Brand Macaroni and Cheese packs, or Kirkland, from Costco. "KD" (code word for Kraft Dinner) enthusiasts and pretty well all dorm students, have Millions of "KD" reecipes. True "KD" enthusiasts take the included phony cheese packets and use them to fill sidewalk cracks. After one glance at the ingredients, you will too. Enthusiasts save cheese rinds, pieces left over from making dagwood sandwiches or cheeseburgers, and any cheese left over from anything, in a box and eventually grate it for KD. Buying new cheese for making KD is frowned upon! Most KD enthusiasts believe there should be something of every color included. Those small, colorful sweet peppers, maybe a small hot pepper cut very fine, and of course some sautee'd farmer sausage bits to provide "good" fat, that helps digest the macaroni. If you are in a real hurry, you can add a handful of crumbled bacon bits, and for color top it with fine cut chives or green onion or parsley. You DO need colors, not just Kraft style starch and glue! Always make sure you got all or at least SOME colors. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Plymouth: Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. Triumph: David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda: because the apostles were all in one Accord. ___________________________________________________
You Raise Me up
____________________________________________________ An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!" ____________________________________________________ Little Johnny wasn't very good at spelling. During an oral spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After a moment's reflection, Johnny said, "Canoe?" ____________________________________________________
Incredible natural phenomena.

Today on March 6
1521 Ferdinand Magellan discovered Guam. 
1808 At Harvard University, the first college orchestra 
 was founded. 
1834 The city of York in Upper Canada was incorporated as 
 Toronto. 
1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Anna and 
 his army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men 
 defeated the 189 Texas volunteers. 
1854 At the Washington Monument, several men stole the Pope's 
 Stone from the lapidarium. 
1857 The U.S. Supreme Court's Dred Scott decision ruled that 
 blacks could not sue in federal court to be citizens. 
1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix Hoffman 
 and Hermann Dreser. 
1900 In West Virginia, an explosion trapped 50 coal miners 
 underground. 
1901 An assassin tried to kill Wilhelm II of Germany in Bremen. 
1907 British creditors of the Dominican Republic claimed that 
 the U.S. had failed to collect debts. 
1928 A Communist attack on Peking, China resulted in 3,000 dead 
 and 50,000 fled to Swatow. 
1939 In Spain, Jose Miaja took over the Madrid government after 
 a military coup and vowed to seek "peace with honor." 
1944 During World War II, U.S. heavy bombers began the first 
 American raid on Berlin. Allied planes dropped 2000 tons of 
 bombs in one night. 
1946 Ho Chi Minh, the President of Vietnam, struck an agreement 
 with France that recognized his country as an autonomous state 
 within the Indochinese Federation and the French Union. 
1947 Winston Churchill announced that he opposed British troop 
 withdrawals from India. 
1947 The first air-conditioned naval ship, "The Newport News," 
 was launched from Newport News, VA. 
1957 The British African colonies of the Gold Coast and Togoland 
 became the independent state of Ghana. 
1960 Switzerland granted women the right to vote in municipal 
 elections. 
1960 The United States announced that it would send 3,500 troops 
 to Vietnam. 
1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson announced his plan to 
 establish a draft lottery. 
1970 Charles Manson released his album "Lies" to finance his 
 defense against murder charges. 
1973 U.S. President Richard Nixon imposed price controls on 
 oil and gas. 
1975 Iran and Iraq announced that they had settled their 
 border dispute. 
1980 Islamic militants in Tehran said that they would turn 
 over American hostages to the Revolutionary Council. 
1981 Walter Cronkite appeared on his last episode of 
 "CBS Evening News with Walter Cronkite." He had been on 
 the job 19 years. 
1981 U.S. President Reagan announced a plan to cut 37,000 
 federal jobs. 
1985 Yul Brynner played his his 4,500th performance in the 
 musical "The King and I." 
1987 The British ferry Herald of Free Enterprise capsized in 
 the Channel off the coast of Belgium. 189 people died. 
1990 In Afghanistan, an attempted coup to remove President 
 Najibullah from office failed. 
1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned the 
 ownership of private property. 
1991 In Paris, five men were jailed for plotting to smuggle 
 Libyan arms to the Irish Republican Army. 
1992 The last episode of "The Cosby Show" aired. The show had 
 been on since September of 1984. 
1997 A gunman stole "Tete de Femme," a million-dollar Picasso 
 portrait, from a London gallery. The painting was recovered 
 a week later. 
1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first official 
 royal Web site. 
2016  smiled.


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Outlook 2003 clash with Gmail 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 5

Thank you, Russell!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Washington man, who killed himself while taking gun selfie. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 5, in 1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege. 1836 Samuel Colt's Patent Arms Manufacturing of Paterson, New Jersey, was chartered by the New Jersey legislature. History ______________________________________________________ When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.' --- Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919) "Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, --- George Carlin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they said they didn't, He sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got the license from him. When they got back to the judge, he pointed out they had filled the names in wrong -- with his where hers belonged and vice versa. They rushed back to the clerk's office, caught him again, a nd got another license. This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had filled in the date in the wrong format. Again they caught the clerk... and after five reissued licenses, the judge was finally satisfied. Judge: "I hope you appreciate why I made you keep going back. If there are irregularities in the license, your marriage would not be legal, and any children you might have would be technical bastards." Groom: "That's funny - that's just what the clerk called you." ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ It was after 3 a.m. in the fancy restaurant, and all the guests except for one had gone home. The last guest was sleeping at his table. The cleaning lady, irritated that she was delayed in doing her job, turned to the restaurant owner. "I've seen you shake the old fool and wake him up five times," she said. "Why don't you make him go home?" "No way! " answered the owner cheerfully. "Every time I wake him up, he asks for his bill and pays it!" ______________________________________________________ Johnston Canyon, Banff From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Joel Melom, 43, Concrete, Washington Washington man kills himself while taking gun selfie. According to authorities in Concrete, Washington, a man accidentally shot himself dead while taking selfies. Sources indicate that the victim was 43-year-old US Army veteran Joel B. Melom. The Skagit Valley Herald reported that the man and his girlfriend had been taking pictures of themselves with various weapons when the tragic accident occurred. Chad Clark, Patrol Chief at the Skagit County Sheriff’s Office, told reporters the woman said her boyfriend had loaded and unloaded his weapons several times. The alleged cause for the fatal shooting was a bullet that accidentally remained in the gun before the man pulled the trigger. Police are investigating the death as accidental. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Russ Re: Gmail and Outlook 2003 clash Dear Webby Hi Webby! I've been subscribed to your newsletter for years and years. Love it all..! So many times it's solved a querky problem that has had me stumped. I now have a question that I have not read about in your letter. We recently sold our home and moved to the north woods of Wisconsin into a rental cabin. I no longer have my home network and instead must rely on a hotspot provided by my Verizon smartphone. The only problem I have encountered is that Outlook 2003 (yes, I refuse to pay for an upgrade) no longer can download POP3 mail via Verizon from my gmail account (SMTP works fine). My wife uses Windows Live with POP3 and it goes about it's business as usual. I compared my POP3 settings to hers and essentially they are the same. Grrrrrr... Here's the message only I get: Task 'pop.gmail.com - Receiving' reported error (0x800408FC) : 'The server name you entered can not be found on the network (it might be down temporarily). Please verify that you are online and that the server name is correct'. Instead I've had to implement IMAP which is has created a monster. Instead of actually downloading the mail to my Outlook client, I get to view my GMail account via my Outlook client. If I want to save anything I have to drag the mail item from the IMAP INBOX into my Outlook INBOX. First of all, am I doing something wrong in defining the IMAP settings? Next, I would be willing to switch clients as long as I can retain my saved emails. Much of them are business related, CMA types. That said, can you recommend a course of action? Thanks for being there enduring wind and snow on our behalf. (:-p - Russ Dear Russ No wind or snow today, but Copper, my neighbor's dog, whom I walk every day, tossed me onto my hip and head and elbow, when he suddenly took off after some other dog. Copper weighs 175 pounds and is all muscle. My head surprisingly didn't damage the concrete, but my hip sure is sore. I am shuffling three inches at a time like a centenarian, but I AM moving. My left elbow was luckily still bandaged, but I should have worn hockey style elbow guards. Re your question: I still use Eudora, ever since about 1993. It cooperates quite nicely with Gmail POP. I still use that for test mails, because when Gmail started about ten years ago, there were some initial formatting problems. That got straightened out a long time ago, but I still have gmailtest subscribed. Works fine. With Gmail there seems to be a clash with Outlook 2003. However, I found this page, that should let you get around that. http://www.pop2imap.com/gmail-outlook-2003.php Try that. If it still does not work, let me know, and I will search further. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Signs your preacher is due for a vacation: His first words to the congregation on Sunday morning are "All right, listen up you heathens..." He falls asleep during his own sermon, or forgets whether he turned a page in his sermon notes and re-does a topic. He uses travel brocures as bookmarks in his big bible. He stocked the baptismal fount with goldfish. And the number one sign your preacher needs a vacation: he forgets his fishing rod by the baptismal fount. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Cauliflower By Lewissan [40 Posts, 234 Comments] I like to have meal ideas ready for any cauliflower I buy because it can only be stored for up to 7 days in your refrigerator. Store it in a plastic bag with a piece of paper towel to absorb some moisture. If you buy cauliflower that is wrapped in tight plastic, transfer it to a loose fitting bag before storing. If you aren't going to use the cauliflower within a week, be sure to freeze it! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Trisha called Delta Airlines and asked, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York"? The agent replied, "Just a minute . . ." "That's pretty good!!" Trisha answered, and hung up. ___________________________________________________
This is way cool for you history/civil war buffs!
____________________________________________________ In search of a midnight snack, a suburbanite could find nothing but a dog biscuit. He bit into it tentatively, liked it, and the next morning asked his wife to put in a large supply. The local grocer observed. "You don't need so many biscuits for a dog as small as yours." "They're for my busband." "These biscuits are strictly for dogs," grumbled the grocer. "They'll kill your husband!" Six months later, the wife admitted her husband was dead. "I told you those biscuits would kill him," the grocer reminded her. "It wasn't the biscuits," said the woman. "He was killed when he was sitting in the driveway licking his nuts and I backed over him." ____________________________________________________ The preacher said: "There's no such thing as a perfect man. Anybody present who has ever known a perfect man, stand up." One man at the very back stood up. The preacher was quite surprised and thrown out of his prepared routine. "Did you really ever know an absolutely perfect man?" he asked again. "I didn't know him personally," replied the man, "but I have heard a great deal about him. He was my wife's first husband." ____________________________________________________
18 of the most awesome inventions which appeared this year

Today on March 5
1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was 
 enacted in Virginia. 
1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class 
 was exempted from whipping by legislation. 
1766 The first Spanish governor of Louisiana, Antonio de Ulloa, 
 arrived in New Orleans. 
1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops fired 
 on a crowd in Boston killing five people. Two British troops 
 were later convicted of manslaughter. 
1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege. 
1836 Samuel Colt's Patent Arms Manufacturing of Paterson, 
 New Jersey, was chartered by the New Jersey legislature. 
1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez invaded 
 Texas for the first time since the revolution. They briefly 
 occupied San Antonio, but soon headed back to the Rio Grande. 
1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels to 
 the western U.S. 
1867 An abortive Fenian uprising against English rule took 
 place in Ireland. 
1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake. 
1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt 
 revolutionary disturbances. 
1901 Germany and Britain began negotiations with hopes of 
 creating an alliance. 
1902 In France, the National Congress of Miners decided to 
 call for a general strike for an 8-hour day. 
1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 40,000 
 demonstrators were dispersed by troops. 
1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs to 
 show support for striking transit workers. 
1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for 
 military purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights 
 behind Turkish lines west of Tripoli. 
1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd to 
 Moscow. 
1922 "Annie Oakley" (Phoebe Ann Moses) broke all existing records 
 for women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100 targets. 
1923 Old-age pension laws were enacted in the states of Montana 
 and Nevada. 
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day bank 
 holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from being 
 withdrawn from banks. 
1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German 
 parliamentary elections. 
1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was 
 celebrated. 
1943 Germany called fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds for military 
 service due to war losses. 
1946 Winston Churchill delivered his "Iron Curtain Speech". 
1946 The U.S. sent protests to the U.S.S.R. on incursions into 
 Manchuria and Iran. 
1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in power 
 for 29 years. 
1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation 
 in public schools. 
1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect after 
 43 nations ratified it. 
1976 The British pound fell below the equivalent of $2 for the 
 first time in history. 
1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right to 
 display the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas display. 
1984 The U.S. accused Iraq of using poison gas. 
1985 Mike Bossy (New York Islanders) became the first National 
 Hockey League player to score 50 goals in eight consecutive 
 seasons. 
1993 Sprinter Ben Johnson was banned from racing for life by 
 the Amateur Athletic Association after testing positive for 
 banned performance-enhancing substances for a second time. 
1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough 
 water on the moon to support a human colony and rocket 
 fueling station. 
1998 It was announced that Air Force Lt. Col. Eileen Collins 
 would lead crew of Columbia on a mission to launch a large 
 X-ray telescope. She was the first woman to command a space 
 shuttle mission. 
2016  smiled.


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When the hard drive is too large 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, March 4
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a CT Woman, wo robed contracted limo driver after birthday celebration. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 4, in 1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which had caused bitter and violent opposition in the U.S. colonies. History ______________________________________________________ When you're through changing, you're through. --- Bruce Barton Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? --- Spike Milligan, from "The Goon Show" ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?" Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?" He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker." ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ My friend's preparations for a visit from her children in- cluded a trip to the bank. Waiting in line at the teller's window, she lamented to the middle-aged man behind her, "My children are in their 20s, and I'm still giving them money. When does it end?" "I'm not sure I'm the one to ask," the man said while glancing uncomfortably at a paper in his hand, "I'm here to deposit a check from my mother." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Melanie Roberts, 50, Willimantic, Connecticut Woman Robs Contracted Limo Driver After Birthday Celebration. A drunk woman upset about the limo charge for her 50th birthday celebration ended up robbing the driver at gunpoint, police said Monday. The driver was not injured, police said, and the woman was arrested. Melanie Roberts of 513 Jackson St. in Willimantic was charged with first-degree robbery, sixth-degree larceny, second-degree threatening, breach of peace and carrying firearm while under the influence. Police set her bail at $100,000, which she posted at Superior Court in Danielson, a court clerk said Monday afternoon. Her next court date was scheduled for March 18. Roberts turned 50 on Feb. 15 and was belatedly celebrating the birthday by traveling to New York City with her friends, C pl. Stanley F. Parizo said. According to Parizo, Roberts was the last person to be dropped off after the trip and began arguing with the driver over the amount she owed. She removed the keys from the limo and ran to her nearby home, where she got a 9mm pistol, he said. She returned minutes later and threatened to "shoot out" the tires of the limousine, Parizo said. She also reached inside the limo and removed the GPS and a clipboard with money — and the signed contract — attached to it. The limo driver called 911 early Monday, just after midnight, and told officers he had been robbed in a parking lot off of Jackson Street. Police detained her in the parking lot and arrested her. "Anytime you mix alcohol, heightened emotions and a firearm ... things can turn sideways," Parizo said. "We were fortunate that no one was injured and that no shots were fired." According to the Secretary's of State's office, Roberts runs a business called Inspiring Independence LLC from her home. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Carla Re: Drive is too big Dear Webby I had not believed you every time you ranted against big hard drives for the main drive and got a machine with a 2 TB drive. Guess who learned the hard way ! Now what ? Carla Dear Carla Download any partitioning software and partition the drive into a bunch of separate "disks". I use a small C: drive for the operating system, D: is reserved for CD/DVD, a larger E: drive for programs a larger F: drive for spreadsheets and docs and HTML, that I create and the rest, the G: drive, for stuff I download. G: is the USB hard drive, H: is the chip reader for camera chips and back-up chips. You can of course arrange that any way you like. Just make a plan beforehand and think about it, maybe even discuss it with friends. If you have a plan, the partitioning is easy. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ >From Ethel I love to give homemade gifts which one of the kids would you like? ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Cauliflower By Lewissan [40 Posts, 234 Comments] I like to have meal ideas ready for any cauliflower I buy because it can only be stored for up to 7 days in your refrigerator. Store it in a plastic bag with a piece of paper towel to absorb some moisture. If you buy cauliflower that is wrapped in tight plastic, transfer it to a loose fitting bag before storing. If you aren't going to use the cauliflower within a week, be sure to freeze it! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A couple's happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seven long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally the old girl died. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years." His wife looked at him aghast. *MY* Aunt Emma! " She screamed: "I thought she was *YOUR* Aunt Emma!" ___________________________________________________
musical marble machine.
____________________________________________________ When my sister teased her four-year-old daughter by suggesting she liked a certain boy in her kindergarten class, the little girl was quite indignant. "No mommy, I don't," she replied, "because he's only interested in one thing." Shocked, my sister cautiously asked what that might be. "Pokemon cards, of course," said the toddler. ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Jalene for this one: The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Without hesittion Little Johnny replied: "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!" ____________________________________________________
AThe road to basecamp. Come on, where's your sense of adventure?

Today on March 4
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA. 
1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William Penn 
 for an area that later became the state of Pennsylvania. 
1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which had 
 caused bitter and violent opposition in the U.S. colonies. 
1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. 
 The French garrison evacuated the city without a fight. 
1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was the 
 Granite Railway in Quincy, MA. 
1837 The state of Illinois granted a city charter to Chicago. 
1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the "Stars and Bars" flag. 
1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone. 
1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when the 
 "Daily Graphic" was published in New York City. 
1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the Manchurian 
 border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced. 
1908 The New York board of education banned the act of whipping 
 students in school. 
1914 Doctor Fillatre successfully separated Siamese twins. 
1917 Jeanette Rankin of Montana took her seat as the first woman 
 elected to the House of Representatives. 
1933 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt gave his inauguration speech 
 in which he said "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself." 
1942 "Junior Miss" starring Shirley Temple aired on CBS radio for 
 the first time. 
1947 France and Britain signed an alliance treaty. 
1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier," the 
 first seagoing radio broadcasting station. 
1952 Ronald Reagan and Nancy Davis were married. 
1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the first 
 successful kidney transplant. 
1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin. 
1991 Sheik Saad al-Jaber al-Sabah, the prime minister of Kuwait, 
 returned to his country for the first time since Iraq's invasion. 
1994 Bosnia's Croats and Moslems signed an agreement to form a 
 federation in a loose economic union with Croatia. 
1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human cloning. 
1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned on-the-job 
 sexual harassment even when both parties are the same sex. 
1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. President 
 Clinton went on sale in the U.S. 
2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted government-
 funded scientists to use embryos left over from fertility 
 treatment or abortions. 
2012 Vladimir Putin won re-election in Russia's presidential election.
2016  smiled.


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Their mail is not always received 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, March 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Steven Pace and Katie Smith of Venice, Florida, leave 15 guns, two pipe bombs, two hand grenades within reach of their 5-year-old daughter. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 3, in 1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to New Orleans was opened. History ______________________________________________________ Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. --- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi (1893 - 1986) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived. The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence...I'll hear the oldest first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food-preparation area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just WATCHING. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders, and they had an idea: They could sit on the boulders and watch! This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to television." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Steven Pace, Katie Smith, Venice, Floriduh Steven Pace and Katie Smith of Venice, Florida, leave 15 guns, two pipe bombs, two hand grenades within reach of their 5-year-old daughter. An entire community is upset after deputies said they discovered weapons, explosives and unacceptable living conditions in a home where a couple lived with their 5-year-old. The home off of Jackson Road in Venice was shared by Steven Pace and Katie Smith, who were arrested and face several charges including aggravated child abuse. Pace also faces a possession of explosives charge. "We stick together as a family and, no, this is not acceptable and this will not be tolerated," said a neighbor named Michele. Michele did not want to give her last name, and lives on the same property shared by Pace and Smith. Michelle said over the past three years, she would babysit Smith's 5-year-old daughter, but recently became concerned. "That day that I saw those weapons, that was it. I said, 'okay Stephen, either you get rid of those or I'm gonna call the cops,'" she said. However, deputies showed up at the home before Michelle made a report. Someone made a call to the Department of Children and Families, requesting a welfare check at the home. "There were five dogs living within the house, 3 ferrets. The place was dirty, filthy, the bathrooms looked like they hadn't been cleaned in years," said Sgt. Brian Gregory with the Sarasota County Sheriff's Office. What started out as concern for the child turned into concern for everyone on the block. Inside the home, deputies said they found about 15 guns, two pipe bombs, two hand grenades and what they believe is synthetic marijuana. The items were all said to be within reach of the 5-year-old. "There were some guns just sitting right out and easily assessable. There were some that were put away. Some of them were loaded," said Sgt. Gregory. Deputies said Pace brought the bombs home about a month ago. He told deputies he didn't intend to hurt anyone with them, but the bomb squad said at least one of the devices was active. "They didn't really have a good excuse and they were aware that these things were acessable," said Sgt. Gregory. The little girl was taken into DCF custody. Neighbors said they are hopeful for her to have a second chance and a good home. "That little girl does not deserve this. She needs a life. She deserves to have a life. This is not a life for nobody," said Michele. Pace and Smith are charged with aggravated child abuse. Pace also faces 4 counts of possession of an explosive device and additional charges are pending. Both are in the Sarasota County Jail. Pace is being held on a $180,000 bond and Smith on $100,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Our mail is not always received Dear Webby Some of the people we write to say they don't get our mail, and some say that they either don't get our mail or they accidentally find it among old mail. What would cause that ? Brenda Dear Brenda That sounds like you have the wrong date, wrong time zone, or wrong AM/PM selected. Because many spammers use that trick to sneak unseen into the previous days pile of mail and hope to be read when you come upon an un-answered mail later, some spam filters look for that trick and dump mail with incorrect dates. However, even if your mail is not auto-dumped, it becomes nearly as invisible if it is stashed in the previous day's pile. Check your time zone setting. Most likely that is the cause of your mail problem. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Because of an ear infection, Little Johnny, had to go to the pediatrician. The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little Johnny in a professional manner. When he asked Little Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to Little Johnny's mother. She tucked it into her purse without looking at it. As the pharmacist filled the order, he remarked on the unusual food-drug interaction Little Johnny must have. Little Johnny's mother looked puzzled until he showed her the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read, "Do not take with broccoli." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Healthy Breakfast Burritos By melissa [278 Posts, 423 Comments] Approximate Time: about 20 minutes Yield: 6 large burritosHealthy Breakfast Burritos Ingredients: 12 eggs 1 cup spinach, chopped 1/2 cup bell peppers, chopped 1 cup grape tomatoes, halved 6 large white mushrooms, sliced 1 1/2 cup Colby jack cheese, shredded 1 1/2 Tbsp butter 6 spinach tortillas salsa Steps: Using an electric hand mixer, blend your eggs thoroughly. Healthy Breakfast Burritos Shred, slice and chop remaining ingredients, except the tortillas.:) Healthy Breakfast Burritos Melt your butter in a large pan over medium/high heat. Healthy Breakfast Burritos Pour your eggs in the pan, add all of your veggies. Healthy Breakfast Burritos Stir continuously for about 6 minutes, or until set. Healthy Breakfast Burritos Sprinkle your cheese on top and let melt. Healthy Breakfast Burritos Add a portion of this to a tortilla, top with salsa if desired. Enjoy! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two women were being shown through the zoo, and their guide halted before the ostriches to explain: "Now this, ladies, is a very unusual bird. It can see very little and can digest practically anything." "Goodness," exclaimed one of the women. "Wouldn't THAT make an ideal husband !" ___________________________________________________
Hazmat Highway to hell
____________________________________________________ "I'm applying for that mechanic's job you had advertised in this morning's paper," the fellow told the garage owner. "Well, what are your qualifications? have you had any mechanical experience with cars?" "Well, of course. I'm the fellow who used to put part 232-B-4976 onto all the carsat Fords." "Well, how come you aren't there any more?" "I had a little tough luck." "Tough luck?" "Yeah, I dropped my monkey wrench one day and by the time I stopped to pick it up I was twenty-seven cars behind." ____________________________________________________ A rancher applied for a loan at a bank. "How much do you want to borrow?" asked the loan interviewer. "Twenty-five thousand dollars." "All right, but you'll have to show security. How many bulls do you have on your ranch?" "Two hundred." "That should be enough security. The loan is approved." Several months later the rancher returned to the bank to repay the loan. "Here's your money," he declared, peeling off bills from a huge bankroll. "Well, sir, let me congratulate you on your sudden prosperity," said the interviewer, eyeing the bankroll. "And for safety's sake, may I suggest you eposit that extra money in our bank?" Staring at him coldly, the rancher asked, "How many bulls do you have?" ____________________________________________________
An American desert is in 'super bloom' this year.

Today on March 3
1791 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution that created the 
 U.S. Mint. 
1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill. 
1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville 
 to New Orleans was opened. 
1845 Florida became the 27th U.S. state. 
1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a 
 U.S. President’s veto. It was the first time the Congress 
 had achieved this. 
1849 The Gold Coinage Act was passed by the U.S. Congress. 
 It allowed the minting of gold coins. 
1851 The U.S. Congress authorized the 3-cent piece. It was 
 the smallest U.S. silver coin. 
1857 Britain and France declared war on China. 
1863 Free city delivery of mail was authorized by the 
 U.S. Postal Service. 
1875 The U.S. Congress authorized the 20-cent piece. 
 It was only used for 3 years. 
1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano. 
 The treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, Montenegro, 
 and the autonomy of Bulgaria. 
1885 The American Telephone and Telegraph (AT&T) was incorporated 
 in New York as a subsidiary of the American Bell Telephone Company. 
1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work. 
1903 In St. Louis, MO, Barney Gilmore was arrested for spitting. 
1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants. 
1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a political 
 document with Thomas Edison's cylinder. 
1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly. 
1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with tires. 
1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists. 
1909 Aviators Herring, Curtiss and Bishop announced that airplanes 
 would be made commercially in the U.S. 
1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and resorted 
 to guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S. intervention. 
1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key, was 
 adopted as the American national anthem. The song was originally 
 a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry." 
1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria. 
1945 During World War II, Finland saw who was winning and switched 
 sides and declared war on the Axis shortly before WWII ended. 
1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law that 
 banned Communist teachers in the U.S. 
1956 Morocco gained its independence. 
1969 Apollo 9 was launched by NASA to test a lunar module. 
1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he 
 killed Robert Kennedy. 
1972 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft was launched. 
1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War II. 
1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10 crashed 
 just after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris. 
1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his grave 
 in Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was recovered 11 
 weeks later near Lake Geneva. 
1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels final 
 voyage had ended on May 26, 1979. 
1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to 
 Huggies Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for 
 diapers had "crossed the line between eye-catching and porn." 
1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of 
 $30 million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras. 
1991 25 people were killed when a United Airlines Boeing 737-200 
 crashed while on approach to the Colorado Springs airport. 
1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police 
 officers. The scene was captured on amateur video.
1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with the 
 Chiapas rebels. 
1995 A U.N. peacekeeping mission in Somalia ended. Several gunmen 
 were killed by U.S. Marines in Mogadishu while overseeing the 
 pull out of peacekeepers. 
1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to 
 circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They 
 succeeded on March 20, 1999.
2016  smiled.


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How to make invoices 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, March 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida man on Tampa’s ‘most wanted’ list chews off fingertip skin to avoid being identified by police Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 2, in 1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the importation of slaves into any port or place within the jurisdiction of the United States." History ______________________________________________________ Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't. --- Pete Seeger In heaven all the interesting people are missing. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) "I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand." --- Confucius "Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity a greater." --- William Hazlitt ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ It was their fifth anniversary, and Sandra and Michael had just returned from the movies. Sandra was feeling romantic. "Will you love me when my hair has turned to silver?" she crooned. "Why not?" Michael grunted. "Didn't I love you through hundred fourty seven other colors and shades?" ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Bill decided to stop worrying about his wife's driving and took advantage of it. He got one of those bumper stickers that say, "How's my driving?" and put a 900 toll number on it. At $1 a call, her driving will have earned her a new car by Christmas. ______________________________________________________ Rome, Italy From FB ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ Reported by Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kirk Kelly, 24, Tampa, Floriduh Florida man on Tampa’s ‘most wanted’ list chews off fingertip skin to avoid being identified by police A Florida man went to extreme measures to avoid being identified by police, AL.com reports. Kirk Kelly, 24, was stopped by police in Tallmadge, Ohio, and in an effort to hide his identity, he chewed off the skin on his fingertips so he couldn’t be fingerprinted. Kelly was stopped at about 3 a.m. on Sunday and gave police two fake IDs and his younger brother’s name. As a result, police were having trouble verifying his identification. When he overheard police talking about using a portable device to check his fingerprints, Kelly, who was not handcuffed, chewed off all the skin on the pads of his fingers. “I’ve heard of people sanding them and so forth, but I’ve never had a person chew their fingers off during an investigative process,” Tallmage police Chief Ron Williams told NewsNet5. Tampa police believe he sold the guns that were used in multiple murders. He has a nationwide felony warrant out for drug, weapons and racketeering charges. Kelly has distinctive tattoos that in the end helped police figure out who he was, AL.com reports. He was charged with tampering with evidence. As he was being arrested, Kelly tried to run from police, who tackled him and took him into custody. He has a nation-wide warrant for his arrest, Williams said. “I think it’s shocking,” Williams told NewsNet5. “I think it explains why a person would chew their fingerprints off.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Harold K Re: Making invoices Dear Webby We are doing our invoices as PDF files so that supposedly they can not be changed later. Well, nowadays there are free programs that can edit and even create PDF files. To add insult to injury, the PDF files take an awful lot of space and it wastes a lot of time making them. How do big companies handle that? Harold Dear Harold We post invoices in passworded folders on the web that can be viewed only by the person who gets an email link to their invoice. The email also carries the password. The invoice on the web can be printed by the client, but they can not change things on them. Since on invoices the fancy header and the footer with the small print stays the same for every invoice, we have those parts on the net in two include files that are called by every invoice. The only thing the actual invoice carries is what is actually different for that particular invoice. And that is just a very tiny HTML file, typically 2-3 KB. By contrast, in PDF format the same invoice would take about 300 KB. If you use HTML invoices like that, then you can generate the fresh "content" that goes between the unchanging header and footer with any program you want, as long as it can make or fake an HTML table. Even a spreadsheet will do that. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Ms Myrna from the Department of Motor Vehicles finally retired (-to everybody's great relief-). She had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died. But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued. "You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please." The old gal raised her right hand. "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question. Myrna's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "But you ARE giving me back my shot gun for that job, right?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tip: Drying Flowers With Cat Litter Comment by Irene Dear Webby Your alternate product is much better than cat litter. As you mentioned, cat litter has Nil-Odor or a similar odor killer. Zorb-All doesn't. The roses keep their aroma, or most of it, unlike with the cat litter, which makes them smell like cat litter. Thanks Irene ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Southern style insult: "Bless her heart, she can't help being ugly, but she could've stayed home." ___________________________________________________
The Gift
____________________________________________________ Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He goes and sits on the sidewalk in the sun outside the class and can't stop laughing. The principal walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing. He says, "Little Johnny what are you doing sitting here laughing?" Little Johnny says, "I farted in class and the teacher threw me out." The principle says, "Well then, why are you laughing?" Little Johnny says, "Cause they are sitting in the classroom smelling my fart while they put me outside in this beautiful, clean and fresh air." ____________________________________________________ For the first time in many years, an old man travels from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stops at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. He hands the attendant $1.50 and comments, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replies, "you're really going to enjoy yourself. We have color and sound now!" ____________________________________________________
When bronze and water become one, they produce something incredible These fountains are incredible!

Today on March 2
1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the 
 importation of slaves into any port or place within the 
 jurisdiction of the United States." 
1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an 
 ad interim government was formed. 
1866 Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine 
 needles. 
1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation that would 
 have required a literacy test for immigrants entering the 
 country. 
1899 Mount Rainier National Park in Washington was established
1899 U.S. President McKinley signed a measure that created the 
 rank of Admiral for the U.S. Navy. The first admiral was 
 George Dewey.
1900 The U.S. Congress voted to give $2 million in aid to 
 Puerto Rico. 
1901 The first telegraph company in Hawaii opened. 
1901 The U.S. Congress passed the Platt amendment, which limited 
 Cuban autonomy as a condition for withdrawal of U.S. troops. 
1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in New York 
 City. The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first hotel exclusively 
 for women. 
1906 A tornado in Mississippi killed 33 and did $5 million in damage. 
1907 In Hamburg, Germany, dock workers went on strike after the end 
 of the night shift. British strike breakers were brought in. The 

 issue was settled on April 22, 1907. 
1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional color 
 photography at the Academy of Sciences. 
1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II abdicating. 
1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship with the 
 enactment of the Jones Act. 
1925 State and federal highway officials developed a nationwide 
 route-numbering system and adopted the familiar U.S. shield-shaped, 
 numbered marker. 
1929 The U.S. Court of Customs & Patent Appeals was created by the 
 U.S. Congress. 
1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere in New York. 
1939 The Massachusetts legislature voted to ratify the Bill of Rights 
 to the U.S. Constitution. These first ten amendments had gone into 
 effect 147 years before. 
1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam. 
1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in Fort Worth, TX. 
 The American plane had completed the first non-stop around-the-world 
 flight. 
1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde made its 
 first test flight. 
1983 The U.S.S.R. performed an underground nuclear test. 
1984 The first McDonald's franchise was closed. A new location was 
 opened across the street from the old location in Des Plaines, IL. 
1985 The U.S. government approved a screening test for AIDS that 
 detected antibodies to the virus that allowed possibly contaminated 
 blood to be kept out of the blood supply. 
1986 Corazon Aquino was sworn into office as president of the 
 Philippines. Her first public declaration was to restore the civil 
 rights of the citizens of her country. 
1987 The U.S. government reported that the median price for a new 
 home had gone over $100,000 for the first time. 
1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations all 
 agreed to ban all production of CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) by 
 the end of the 20th century. 
1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev was 
 killed by a gunman in Moscow. 
1995 Nick Leeson was arrested for his role in the collapse of 
 Britain's Barings Bank. 
1998 The U.N. Security Council endorsed U.N. chief Kofi Annan's 
 deal to open Iraq's presidential palaces to arms inspectors. 
1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated that 
 the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source of 
 interior heat. 
2000 In Great Britain, Chile's former President Augusto Pinochet 
 Ugarte was freed from house arrest and allowed to return to Chile. 
 Britain's Home Secretary Jack Straw had concluded that Pinochet 
 was mentally and physically unable to stand trial. Belgium, 
 France, Spain and Switzerland had sought the former Chilean 
 leader on human-rights violations. 
2003 Over the Sea of Japan, there was a confrontation between four 
 armed North Korean fighter jets and a U.S. RC-135S Cobra Ball. 
 No shots were fired in the encounter in international airspace 
 about 150 miles off North Korea's coast. The U.S. Air Force 
 announced that it would resume reconnaissance flights on March 12. 
2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had discovered 
 evidence that water had existed on Mars in the past. 
2011 Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's iPad 2.
2016  smiled.


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Is Jet Pac secure enough? 



Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, March 1

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Brent Krebsbach, the drunk menace of Sheboygan, Wisconsin, is arrested for his 7th drunk driving charge. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 1, in 1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his way to India. History ______________________________________________________ Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody. --- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790) Education is when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't. --- Pete Seeger ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ In 1977, there were 37 Elvis impersonators in the USA. In 1993, there were 48,000. At this rate, by the year 2020, one out of every three people will be an Elvis impersonator. ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ A Congressman is awakened in the middle of the night by his wife who whispers, "I think there's a thief in the house." "Not in the House," her husband says. "In the Senate, yes, my dear, but not in the House." ______________________________________________________ Achensee, Tirol From FB ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brent Krebsbach, 48, Sheboygan, Wisconsin Brent Krebsbach, the drunk menace of Sheboygan, Wisconsin, is arrested for his 7th drunk driving charge. A man arrested for his 7th OWI told officers he could drive home in his totaled car and yelled expletives at hospital staff who drew his blood. Brent Krebsbach, 48, was charged with 7th DUI, disorderly conduct and driving after revocation after being involved in a crash on Lakeshore Road and Pine Bluff Drive in Sheboygan on Wednesday, Feb. 17. If he is convicted on all the charges, he could face a maximum sentence of six years and three months behind bars. According to the criminal complaint: Officers and paramedics were dispatched to Lakeshore Road and Pine Bluff Drive for a personal injury crash. Krebsbach was found in the driver's seat of his car. While Krebsbach was removed from his car, he was unsteady and slurring his speech. Krebsbach admitted to having drinks before driving, but told responders at the scene that he didn't want treatment and wanted to drive home. Given the fact that Krebsbach car was totaled and his windshield cracked, he was transported to Memorial Medical Center to be treated. He asked hospital staff that the officer that came with him be removed from his room. Krebsbach was placed under arrest and asked to submit to a blood test, which he refused. District Attorney Joe DeCecco responded to medical center and a search warrant was obtained for his blood. Krebsbach began to be disruptive, calling the hospital staff expletives. He also urinated on himself during the trip. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Al Re: Jet Pac Connection Dear Webby I was wondering how secure is it using Jet Pac internet connection? Thanks, Al Dear Al I am not familiar with jet Pac, so I googled for it. It seems that Google has bought Jet Pac a couple of years ago. There was nothing bad listed about it. There is also a Jet Pac game, and again, nothing bad listed about that either. Verizon now also likes that name too and sells the Verizon Jet Pac as a way to connect all your mobile devices in your house like tablets, phones, laptops, etc to your existing Verizon Internet connection. It seems to work OK and I did not see any obvious complaints about it on the net. As long as you use a decent password and don't give it to your kids, who will always give it to friends and neighbors, the Verizon Jet Pac seems to be OK. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A very nervous man, accompanied by his nagging wife, was examined by a doctor. After checking the chart, the doctor nodded and wrote out a prescription for a powerful tranquilizer. The man asked, "How often do I take these?" "Let's start off with once every six hours. But they're not for you," replied the doctor. "They're for your wife." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tip: Drying Flowers With Cat Litter By dorothy wedenoja [170 Posts, 111 Comments] At this time of year, we have a lot of beautiful flowers blooming. A cheaper way of drying them is to use a cheap cat litter. Make sure you use the plain clay litter. Line a box with paper towels, put a layer of cat litter on the paper towels. Place your roses (or flowers to be dried) on the litter, making sure they aren't touching. Gently add more of the litter to cover the flowers. They should be dry in about 10 days. Shake them gently to remove excess litter. Spray with the cheap super-hold hair spray. It will seal and protect them. It will take along time to use up all the litter and it works better than the expensive silica gel. The results will be beautiful. By Dorothy from New Creek, WV If you don't have cats just go to an automotive aftermarket store and ask for "Sorb-All". They might call it something different in your state, but they will know what you mean. Sorb-All is the Bentonite Clay part of cat litter, without the nose deadening Nil-Odor and the fancy packaging. Mechanics, both home and professionals, use it to pull oil and gas stains out of concrete and absorb spills. A big, huge bag of it costs less than a small box of cat litter. It doesn't stop smells like cat litter does, but is great for absorbing liquids. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession. "Father, I kinda took a leetle lumber from dat new construction site." Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son"? Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time.I'm 'fraid someone will break dey laig, so I fix de hole. " Priest: "Well, that's not so bad." Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a leetle lumber left." Priest: "What did you do with it?" Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta de wether, so I make him his own leetle doghouse." Priest: "OK, anything else?" Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a leetle lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de wether either, so I make her a two car garage." Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand." Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a leetle lumber left." Priest: "Yes?" Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bat'room." Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?" Boudreaux: "No, Father...But, if you got de blueprints, I got de lumber." (For those of you who don't know, a Novena is a huge set of prayers) ___________________________________________________
San Diego Ukelele Festival
____________________________________________________ >From Laura With some misgivings, we left a young baby-sitter in charge of our three energetic youngsters. When we returned a few, hours later, she was sitting alone watching TV. I went to check on the children, and found them in our narrow hallway. By bracing their arms and legs against the walls, two of them had climbed up to the ceiling. "The baby-sitter taught us how," they said gleefully. The sitter joined me, her face a deep red. "Since they had me climbing the walls, I figured they might as well be too," she stammered. ____________________________________________________ Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. Still, he was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Honey, take the wheel... Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it." So she steered the boat to shore and docked it. Later that evening, the wife walked into the livingroom where her husband was reading a novel... She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Honey, go into the kitchen. Pretend I'm having a heart attack. Do the laundry, cook dinner, set the table, and wash the dishes." ____________________________________________________
Hey!People are AWESOME best of the month February 2016

Today on March 1
1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his 
 way to India. 
1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 Huguenots. 
 The event started the First War of Religion. 
1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the Salem 
 witch trials began. Four women were the first to be charged. 
1781 In America, the Continental Congress adopted the Articles 
 of Confederation. 
1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first cooking school. 
1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman, 
 Lars August Mannerheim. 
1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of the 
 Mameluke dynasty. 
1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. He had 
 been forced to abdicate in April of 1814. 
1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy. 
1869 Postage stamps with scenes were issued for the first time. 
1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of Yellowstone 
 National Park. It was the world's first national park. 
1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing 
 the first practical typewriter. 
1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the forces of 
 Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. The Italians were defeated. 
1900 In South Africa, Ladysmith was relieved by British troops after 
 being under siege by the Boers for more than four months. 
1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews left 
 due to evacuations. 
1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages. 
1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump from a 
 moving airplane. 
1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank. 
1932 The 22-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh was 
 kidnapped. The child was found dead in May. 
1937 U.S. Steel raised workers’ wages to $5 a day. 
1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile license 
 plates were issued. 
1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station W47NV 
 began operations. 
1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the 
 Tripartite Pact. 
1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations. 
1949 Joe Louis announced that he was retiring from boxing 
 as world heavyweight boxing champion. 
1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic 
 secrets to the Soviet Union. 
1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a 
 hydrogen bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. 
1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile. 
1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President Kennedy. 
1962 Pakistan announced that it had a new constitution that set 
 up a presidential system of government. 
1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. 
 It was the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the surface 
 of another planet. 
1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese technicians 
 to leave the country. 
1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of the U.S. 
 Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group protesting the 
 Vietnam War claimed responsibility. 
1974 Seven people were indicted in connection with the Watergate 
 break-in. The charge was conspiring to obstruct justice. 
1987 S&H Green Stamps became S&H Green Seals. The stamps were 
 introduced 90 years earlier. 
1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic riots 
 between Armenians and Azerbaijanis. 
1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council imposed 
 a curfew on minors. 
1990 In Cairo, 16 people were killed in a fire at the Sheraton 
 Hotel. 
1991 Yahoo was incorporated. 
1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a majority 
 of the Moslem and Croatian communities voted in favor of 
 Bosnia's independence.
1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political reforms 
 that ceded some powers after 10 years of disciplined rule. 
1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from Yugoslavia. 
1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of food stamp 
 recipients had reached a record number of 26.6 million. 
1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort to 
 placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre. 
1996 In Kuala, Lumpur, construction was completed for the 
 Petronas Towers. 
1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four 
 other bombs went off in the capital. 
1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by 
 Hutu rebels. 
2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. 
 Allied forces were fighting against Taliban and 
 Al Quaida fighters. 
2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 
 22 different organizations around the government became 
 part of the Department of Homeland Security. This completed 
 the largest government reorganization since the beginning 
 of the Cold War. 
2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani 
 agents near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind 
 behind the terrorist attacks on the United States on 
 September 11, 2001.
2016  smiled.


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