Replace worn lettering on laptop keyboard 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 21

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested after throwing syringes into 
backseat with child during traffic stop
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 21 in
1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was
burned at the stake at Oxford after retracting the last of
seven recantations that same day.

See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If you wish me to weep, you must mourn first yourself. --- Horace (65 BC - 8 BC) The highest reward for man's toil is not what he gets for it, but what he becomes by it. --- John Ruskin (1819 - 1900) Rogues are preferable to imbeciles because they sometimes take a rest. --- Alexandre Dumas ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Bob was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job." he said and handed the man a check. "Also, in order to thank you, here's an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie." Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the man had forgotten something he asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?" "Nope." replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Fran: It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year Number 2" on the card. I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so pleased about the card. It read "Happy Anniversary. You're Number 2." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christine Maier, 31, Okeechobee, Florida Florida woman arrested after throwing syringes into backseat with child during traffic stop Police officers in Florida said they found three hypodermic needles within arms reach of a toddler Tuesday afternoon during a traffic stop. When a woman in the vehicle was asked how this could happen, she said she panicked when she saw the patrol cars emergency lights and threw the needles in the backseat, according to a Boca Raton police report. Christine Maier, 31, of Okeechobee, told the officer it was a "panicked, stupid, mistake," police said. She remained in the Palm Beach County Jail early Thursday on $3,000 bail on charges of child neglect and possession of drug equipment. On Tuesday afternoon, police noticed a Jeep parked in a handicapped parking spot at the Marathon gas station on Glades Road just east of Town Center at Boca Raton. After a while, another vehicle parked next to it, and a woman, later identified as Maier, walked out of the passenger side of the Jeep. Maier met with a man who was inside the other car, and he handed her a plastic baggie, according to the report. After the two left, the Boca Raton officer noticed the Jeep did not make a full stop at a stop sign and a brake light was out, so the officer pulled the vehicle over. The officer noted he saw Maier make movements with her head and hands as he pulled the Jeep over. The officer wrote when he walked up to the car, he noticed a toddler whose face had a fresh cut on it in the backseat without a car seat. The relationship between the woman and the child is redacted from the report. After the officer took the information from the man driving the Jeep, he said he saw Maier make what appeared to be a "drug transaction" at the gas station and asked if he could search the vehicle. After the man agreed, the officer found three hypodermic needles within arm’s reach of the toddler. A sunglasses case in the front passenger side of the car where Maier was sitting contained two more needles and "a white crystal-like residue." The officer noted one of the needles "had a metal screw in place of a plastic plunger." The officer read the man and Maier their rights. Then the man began yelling at Maier after he saw the needles. Maier told officers she was just getting them for a friend so "he could use them to inject methamphetamines." When asked about the cut on the toddler’s nose, she said the child had fallen the day before. The driver told officers he had no idea about the needles and the only reason he drove Maier from Okeechobee to Boca Raton was because he had just gotten out of jail, and "it’s been a while since I’ve had a girl.” The driver does not appear to have been arrested, according to jail records. The child is in the care of the Florida Department of Children and Families, according to the report. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Patti Re: Laptop keyboard lettering Dear Webby The white lettering on my laptop keyboard is coming off. Is there a way to replace it???? Patti /i> Dear Patti You can try Lettraset and then seal it with a drop of marine spar varnish or clear nail polish. Lettraset is getting hard to find, but I have seen clones of it at the Dollar Store. You could even cut the letters out from a magazine or thin ad flyer, and glue them on with regular white glue. Don't use Crazy Glue. It will stick before you can line up the letter correctly. When the glue is good and dry, you can seal the letter with a drop of clear nail polish. Have FUN! DearWebby
Alex sets up his friend Bob to go on a blind date with his cousin. Bob is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly?" says Bob, "I'll be with her all night." "Don't worry," Alex says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't, just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake a heart attack." That night Bob knocks at the girl's door. When she comes out he is awe-struck at how hot and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly grabs for her chest and lets out a loud ... "Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Growing Vegetables in an Apartment By guest (Guest Post) Best Answer I have a nice yard but prefer to grow my vegetables on the deck since the deer can't get up there. You can grow snow peas in containers if you give them something to climb on and the leaf lettuces work well. These are spring veggies. When they're done, you can plant something else like green beans in the same containers. Tomatoes work well in pickle buckets as long as they have some support (circular cages will work). You will have to water the tomatoes often. Also, wash out your egg shells and sprinkle them on the soil. They give the tomatoes their needed calcium and help to prevent blossom end rot. You can even grow melons with the roots in containers and the fruit resting on the deck.
- sharp takeoff
____________________________________________________ A professor asked a student to remain for a few moments after class. Holding out the young man's assignment, the professor said, "Did you write this poem all by yourself?" The student said, "Every word of it." The professor said, "Well, then, I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Poe. However, all these books here say you are dead. Since I can not correct all the books about you, .... Which way would you like to die ?" ___________________________________________________
A hidden surprise.
A man spent several hours enduring long lines, surly clerks, and insane regulations at the L.A. Department of Motor Vehicles. On his way home, he stopped to pick up a gift for his son. He selected a baseball bat. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. "Cash!" the man snapped, then apologizing for his rudeness, he explained, "I've just spent the entire afternoon at the Motor Vehicle office." "I understand," the clerk replied, and then asked, "Shall I gift wrap the bat, or ... are you going back there...?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 21
1349 3,000 Jews were killed in Black Death riots in Efurt

1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was
burned at the stake at Oxford after retracting the last of
seven recantations that same day. 

1788 Almost the entire city of New Orleans, LA, was
destroyed by fire. 856 buildings were destroyed. 

1804 The French civil code, the Code Napoleon, was adopted. 

1824 A fire at a Cairo ammunitions dump killed 4,000 horses.

1835 Charles Darwin & Mariano Gonzales met at Portillo Pass.

1851 Emperor Tu Duc ordered that Christian priests be put to

1851 Yosemite Valley was discovered in California. 

1857 An earthquake hit Tokyo killing about 107,000. 

1858 British forces in India lift the siege of Lucknow,
ending the Indian Mutiny. 

1871 Journalist Henry M Stanley began his famous expedition
to Africa. 

1902 In New York, three Park Avenue mansions were destroyed
when a subway tunnel roof caved in. 

1908 A passenger was carried in a bi-plane for the first
time by Henri Farman of France. 

1909 Russia withdrew its support for Serbia and recognized
the Austrian annexation of Bosnia-Herzegovina. Serbia
accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina on March
31, 1909. 

1918 During World War I, the Germans launched the Somme

1925 The state of Tennessee enacted the Butler Act. It was a
law that made it a crime for a teacher in any state-
supported public school to teach any theory that was in
contradiction to the Bible's account of man's creation. 

1928 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge gave the Congressional
Medal of Honor to Charles Lindbergh for his first trans-
Atlantic flight. 

1934 A fire destroyed Hakodate, Japan, killing about 1,500. 

1935 Incubator ambulance service began in Chicago, IL. 

1941 The last Italian post in East Libya, North Africa, fell
to the British. 

1945 During World War II, Allied bombers began four days of
raids over Germany. 

1963 Alcatraz Island, the federal penitentiary in San
Francisco Bay, CA, closed. 

1965 The U.S. launched Ranger 9. It was the last in a series
of unmanned lunar explorations. 

1965 More than 3,000 civil rights demonstrators led by the
Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. began a march from Selma to
Montgomery, AL. 

1966 In New York, demolition work began to clear thirteen
square blocks for the construction of the original World
Trade Center. 

1971 Two U.S. platoons in Vietnam refused their orders to

1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not
require one year of residency for voting eligibility. 

1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced to the U.S.
Olympic Team that they would not participate in the 1980
Summer Games in Moscow as a boycott against Soviet
intervention in Afghanistan. 

1984 A Soviet submarine crashed into the USS Kitty Hawk off
the coast of Japan. 

1985 Larry Flynt offered to sell his pornography empire for
$26 million or "Hustler" magazine alone for $18 million. 

1990 Namibia became independent of South Africa. 

1994 Wayne Gretzky tied Gordie Howe's NHL record of 801

1994 Bill Gates of Microsoft and Craig McCaw of McCaw
Cellular Communications announced a $9 billion plan that
would send 840 satellites into orbit to relay information
around the globe. 

2002 In Paris, an 1825 print by French inventor Joseph
Nicephore Niepce was sold for $443,220. The print, of a man
leading a horse, was the earliest recorded image taken by
photographic means. 

2016 It was reported that the Kepler space telescope had
captured the visible light of a "shock breakout" when the
star KSN 2011a exploded. It was the first time an exploding
star's brilliant flash shockwave had been captured. 

2017  smiled.

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How to stop a W7 machine from shutting down 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 20

Thanks Joseph!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drug deal went down in front of 3 officers in 
western Wisconsin 
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 20 in
1816 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed its right to review
state court decisions. 

Would that mean the Supreme court could overrule Obama`s
college smoking buddy in Hawaii?
It doesn't really mean much since 23 countries won't allow
their nationals to be sent back there if caught committing
crimes and deported. 
Maybe the deportees belonging to those 23 countries would
have to be sent to Guatanamo Bay in Cuba?
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known. --- Thomas Pickering (1931 - ) There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity. --- Frank Leahy ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Linda and Jill are having coffee when Linda notices that Jill seems troubled and asks her, "Is something bugging you? You look anxious." "Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market," Jill explained. "Oh, that's too bad," Linda sympathized. "I'm sure you're feeling sorry for him." "Yeah, I am," Jill said. "He'll miss me." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ One Sunday a priest announced he was passing out minature crosses made of palm leaves. "Put this cross in the room where your family argues most," he advised. "When you look at it, the cross will remind you that God is watching." When the parishoners were leaving church, a woman walked up to the priest, shook his hand and said, "I'll take five." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Drug deal went down in front of 3 officers in western Wisconsin A Drug deal went down in front of 3 officers in western Wisconsin gas station just paces away from Pierce County’s law enforcement center might not be the most inconspicuous place for a drug deal, but prosecutors allege that’s just what a trio of teens did last week. The young men were flanked by officers — including a nine- year veteran of the St. Croix Valley Drug Task Force pumping gas into his squad car — who watched them make the sale of a quarter-pound of marijuana on March 9, according to charges filed in the case. Investigation of the case led investigators to Plum City High School, where a student there allegedly admitted to being behind the sale. The Pierce County Attorney’s Office charged Ellsworth resident Desmond T. Trok, 18; Knapp resident Matthew P. Jones, 18; and Menomonie resident Trace Schofield, 17, with delivering THC, a felony. No charges had yet been filed against the Plum City student and it wasn’t clear Monday if the case received a juvenile referral. Pierce County sheriff’s investigator Marty Shepler was pumping gas into his squad car at 11:55 a.m. when he saw what looked like a drug deal in the nearby parking lot. He watched a brown vehicle back into a parking stall next to a white vehicle. On the other side of the brown vehicle was a Department of Natural Resources warden’s patrol truck. The warden happened to be walking out of the neighboring Pierce County Sheriff’s Office with another deputy during the drug deal. They called it in to dispatchers, who seconds later were alerted by Shepler of the same thing. Shepler and the deputy, Robbie Jaeger, connected over their radios and formulated a plan to conduct a traffic stop on the two vehicles. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: Computer keeps shutting down Dear Webby My computer is about 7 years old and running Windows 7. Lately, it has been shutting itself down and restarting, sometimes several tiems a day. What could be causing this problem and is there any way I can correct it? Thank you so much for your advice and help. Chris /i> Dear Chris Most likely your computer is just full of dust bunnies, and overheating. Take the side cover off, vacuum it out with the couch crevice tool, and clean all the heat sinks with Q-tips and Windex or vinegar. Look closely at the fans. If they are dirty, clean them too. Peek into the welded shut box of the power supply. The fan in there might need cleaning too. Don`t try to open that box, just poke in there with Q-tips. After that your machine will run nice and cool and not shut down when it gets too hot. If your computer is sitting on the floor sucking up all the cruising dust bunnies, put it up on blocks! Bricks look nice and traditional, but even some small 2x4 pieces will raise it above the dust bunny freeway. There used to be a shut-down virus many years ago, but if you have Malwarebytes, that would have been killed long ago. Let me know if the cleaning fixed the problem. Have FUN! DearWebby
A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. "This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it." "What's the curse?" the man asked. "Mr. Klopman...."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Healthy Onion Rings By Terri If you love onion rings but are looking for a healthier option, then try these baked onion rings. Ingredients: non-stick cooking spray 1 large onion 1 1/4 cups Italian style bread crumbs 1/2 tsp. minced fresh garlic 1 cup low fat milk 1 cup all purpose flour 3 large egg whites, beaten slightly Directions: Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Spray 2 large cookie sheets with nonstick spray. Cut onion into 1/2 inch thick slices. Separate slices into rings. In a small bowl, combine bread crumbs and garlic. Set aside. Place milk, flour, and egg whites into 3 separate small bowls. Dip each onion ring into milk, flour, egg white and bread crumbs (in that same order). Place on prepared cookie sheets and bake for 20 minutes. Turn onion rings over and bake till golden brown, about 10 minutes longer. Because the bread crumbs are last, you don't really need the unhealthy cooking spray. Save that for the rusty lug nuts on your car. Also, don't forget to add salt and pepper to the flour, and just a bit of nutmeg. For the popular beer battered onion rings use beer instead of milk, and add a bit of cream of tartar with the salt and pepper. Have FUN! DearaWebby
this is kind of amazing!
____________________________________________________ CHANGING A LIGHT-BULB... How many members does it take to change a light bulb? Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air. Roman Catholics: None. They use candles. Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. Presbyterians: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off. Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much more they liked the previous one.. Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual Light Bulb Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and two or three committees to approve the change. Oh, and also a couple to provide a casseroles. Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change. Atheists: None. Lightbulbs are just superstition. -------- I liked the baptists, mainly becasue of the casseroles, however, when a girl once tried to convert me and the baptism was discussed, they were looking for a place to anchor me for a week. So I declined and learned to cook casseroles myself. ___________________________________________________
Colorful houses in this tiny Polish village.
>From Judy "I fall in love really quickly and this scares guys away. I'm like, 'I'm in love with you, I want to marry you, I want to move in with you! I want to bear your kids!' They usually reply with such bland and unromatic stuff like, 'Ma'am, just give me the ten bucks for the pizza and I'm outta here.'"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 20
0141 The 6th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet
took place. 

1413 Henry V took the throne of England upon the death of
his father Henry IV. 

1525 Paris parliament began its pursuit of Protestants. 

1602 The United Dutch East Indian Company (VOC) was formed. 

1616 Walter Raleigh was released from Tower of London to
seek gold in Guyana. 

1627 France & Spain signed an accord for fighting

1739 In India, Nadir Shah of Persia occupied Delhi and took
possession of the Peacock throne. 

1760 The great fire of Boston destroyed 349 buildings. 

1792 In Paris, the Legislative Assembly approved the use of
the guillotine. 

1800 French army defeated the Turks at Helipolis, Turkey,
and advanced into Cairo. 

1814 Prince Willem Frederik became the monarch of

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte entered Paris after his escape from
Elba and began his "Hundred Days" rule. 

1816 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed its right to review
state court decisions. 

1833 The U.S. and Siam signed a commercial treaty. 

1852 Harriet Beecher Stowe’s book "Uncle Tom’s Cabin,"
subtitled "Life Among the Lowly," was first published. 

1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About
50 slavery opponents began the new political group. 

1865 A plan by John Wilkes Booth to abduct U.S. President
Abraham Lincoln was ruined when Lincoln changed his plans
and did not appear at the Soldier’s Home near Washington,

1868 Jesse James Gang robbed a bank in Russelville, KY, of

1883 The Unity treaty of Paris was signed to protect
industrial property. 

1885 John Matzeliger of Suriname patented the shoe lacing

1886 The first AC power plant in the U.S. began commercial

1888 The Sherlock Holmes Adventure, "A Scandal in Bohemia,"

1890 The General Federation of Womans' Clubs was founded. 

1891 The first computing scale company was incorporated in
Dayton, OH. 

1896 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to protect U.S.
citizens in the wake of a revolution. 

1897 The first U.S. orthodox Jewish Rabbinical seminary was
incorporated in New York. 

1897 The first intercollegiate basketball game that used
five players per team was held. The contest was Yale versus
Pennsylvania. Yale won by a score of 32-10. 

1899 At Sing Sing prison, Martha M. Place became the first
woman to be executed in the electric chair. She was put to
death for the murder of her stepdaughter. 

1900 It was announced that European powers had agreed to
keep China's doors open to trade. 

1902 France and Russia acknowledged the Anglo-Japanese
alliance. They also asserted their right to protect their
interests in China and Korea. 

1903 In Paris, paintings by Henri Matisse were shown at the
"Salon des Independants". 

1906 In Russia, army officers mutiny at Sevastopol. 

1911 The National Squash Tennis Association was formed in
New York City. 

1914 The first international figure skating championship was
held in New Haven, CT. 

1915 The French called off the Champagne offensive on the
Western Front. 

1918 The Bolsheviks of the Soviet Union asked for American
aid to rebuild their army. 

1922 U.S. President Warren G. Harding ordered U.S. troops
back from the Rhineland. 

1922 The USS Langley was commissioned. It was the first
aircraft carrier for the U.S. Navy. 

1932 The German dirigible, Graf Zepplin, made the first
flight to South America on regular schedule. 

1933 The first German concentration camp was completed at

1934 Rudolf Kuhnold gave a demonstration of radar in Kiel

1940 The British Royal Air Force conducted an all-night air
raid on the Nazi airbase at Sylt, Germany. 

1943 The Allies attacked Field Marshall Erwin Rommel's
forces on the Mareth Line in North Africa. 

1947 A blue whale weighing 180-metric tons was caught in the
South Atlantic. 

1952 The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty with Japan. 

1956 Mount Bezymianny on Kamchatka Peninsula (USSR)

1956 Tunisia gained independence from France. 

1963 The first "Pop Art" exhibit began in New York City. 

1964 The ESRO (European Space Research Organization) was

1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered 4,000 troops
to protect the Selma-Montgomery civil rights marchers. 

1969 U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy called on the U.S. to close
all bases in Taiwan. 

1972 19 mountain climbers were killed on Japan's Mount Fuji
during an avalanche. 

1976 Patricia Hearst was convicted of armed robbery for her
role in the hold up of a San Francisco Bank. 

1980 The U.S. made an appeal to the International Court
concerning the American Hostages in Iran. 

1981 Argentine ex-president Isabel Peron was sentenced to
eight years in a convent. 

1982 U.S. scientists' returned from Antarctica with the
first land mammal fossils found there. 

1984 The U.S. Senate rejected an amendment to permit spoken
prayer in public schools. 

1985 For the first time in its 99-year history, Avon
representatives received a salary. Up to that time they had
been paid solely on commissions. 

1985 Libby Riddles won the 1,135-mile Anchorage-to-Nome dog
race becoming the first woman to win the Iditarod. 

1987 The U.S. Food and Drug Administration approved AZT. The
drug was proven to slow the progress of AIDS (Acquired
Immune Deficiency Syndrome). 

1989 A Washington, DC, district court judge blocked a curfew
imposed by Mayor Barry and the City Council. 

1989 In Belfast, two policemen were killed. The IRA claimed

1990 Namibia became an independent nation ending 75 years of
South African rule. 

1990 Imelda Marcos, widow of ex-Philippines dictator
Ferdinand Marcos, went on trial for racketeering,
embezzlement and bribery. 

1990 In Rumania, tanks were sent to the town of Tirgu Mures
to quell ethnic riots. 

1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled unanimously that employers
could not exclude women from jobs where exposure to toxic
chemicals could potentially damage a fetus. 

1991 The U.S. forgave $2 billion in loans to Poland. 

1992 Janice Pennington was awarded $1.3 million for accident
on the set of the "Price is Right" TV show. 

1993 Russian President Boris Yeltsin declared emergency
rule. He set a referendum on whether the people trusted him
or the hard-line Congress to govern. 

1993 An Irish Republican Army bomb was detonated in
Warrington, England. A 3-year-old boy and a 12-year-old boy
were killed. 

1995 About 35,000 Turkish troops crossed the northern border
of Iraq in pursuit of the separatist rebels of the Kurdistan
Workers Party (PKK). 

1995 In Tokyo, 12 people were killed and more than 5,500
others were sickened when packages containing the nerve gas
Sarin was released on five separate subway trains. The
terrorists belonged to a doomsday cult in Japan. 

1996 In Los Angeles, Erik and Lyle Menendez were found
guilty of first-degree murder in the killing of their

1996 The U.K. announced that humans could catch CJD (Mad Cow

1997 Liggett Group, the maker of Chesterfield cigarettes,
settled 22 state lawsuits by admitting the industry marketed
cigarettes to teenagers and agreed to warn on every pack
that smoking is addictive. 

1998 India's new Hindu nationalist-led government pledges to
"exercise the option to induct nuclear weapons." 

1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones became the first men
to circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon. The non-
stop trip began on March 3 and covered 26,500 miles. 

1999 Legoland California opened Carlsbad, California. 

2000 Former Black Panther Jamil Abdullah Al-Amin, once known
as H. Rap Brown, was captured following a shootout that left
a sherriff's deputy dead. 

2002 Actress Pamela Anderson disclosed that she had
hepatitis C. 

2002 Arthur Andersen pled innocent to charges that it had
shredded documents and deleted computer files related to the
energy company Enron. 

2003 Cisco Systems Inc. announced it was buying The Linksys
Group INc. for $500 million in stock. 

2003 U.S. and British forces invaded Iraq from Kuwait. 

2017  smiled.

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Changing watch batteries 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 19

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Naked Missouri woman sitting on couch when mom 
and young boys come home.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 19 in
1994 The largest omelet in history was made with 160,000
eggs in Yokohama, Japan. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A motion to adjourn is always in order. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers. --- Richard Feynman (1918 - 1988) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The following quiz consists of four questions that tell you whether or not you are qualified to be a professional. Scroll down for the answers. The questions are not that difficult. You just need to think like a professional. 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? * * * * The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether or not you are doing simple things in a complicated way. 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator ? * * * * Incorrect answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and shut the refrigerator. Correct answer: Open the refrigerator, take out of the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This question tests your foresight. 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend? * * * * Correct answer: The elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator! This tests if you are capable of comprehensive thinking. OK, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to test your qualifications to be a professional. 4. You have to cross Crocodile River and have no boat or weapon. How do you cross it? * * * * Correct Answer: Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles are attending the animal meeting! This question tests your reasoning ability. If you answered four out of four questions correctly, you are a true professional. Wealth and success await you. If you answered three out of four, you have some catching up to do but there's hope for you. If you answered two out of four, consider a career as a hamburger flipper in a fast food joint. If you answered one out of four, try selling some of your organs. It's the only way you will ever make any money. If you answered none correctly, consider a career that does not require logic or any higher mental functions at all, such as local politics. ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Jill heard her husband come back into the house not too long after he had left. She said, "Hon, I thought you were going to your lodge meeting." "It was postponed." he replied. "The wife of the Grand Exalted Invincible Supreme Potentate won't let him attend until he finishes doing the laundry." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Catherine Therrell, 55 Pevely, Missouri Naked Missouri woman sitting on couch when mom and young boys come home. A Missouri woman called police last week when she returned home with her two young boys to find a naked woman sitting on their couch, according to KTVI. “I asked her who she was and why she was there and she told me her name was Catherine and she was there for the birthday party,” said Brianna Willey. “And she was definitely dressed for it.” There was no birthday party and the woman was stripped down to her birthday suit, wearing nothing. “I had to ask her to let me in the house because she put the latch on, and she put her clothes on backwards, then she realized her clothes were on backwards, so she proceeded to take them back off as I was standing there,” Willey said. “Officers who later arrived on scene and placed her in custody advised that she was highly intoxicated,” said Cpl. Benjamin Litterall of the Pevely Police Department. This isn’t the first time the woman has crashed someone’s home drunk. The woman, identified as Catherine Therrell, was charged when she crashed her vehicle into a home back in February. In that incident, Therrell narrowly missed hitting a mother and child sitting in the living room watching TV, according to police. Police said Therrell's blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit. She was charged with driving while intoxicated persistent offender and second-degree property damage, with a $10,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jennifer Re: Electric watch battery Dear Webby I know this is not computer or web related, but nobody else can answer me. Is it possible to change the battery in a wrist watch, or are they all just disposable now? There is no clockmaker in the entire valley any more, and I am stuck. Jennifer /i> Dear Jennifer Changing watch batteries is easy, IF you have the right tools. Don't ever attempt to do it by holding the watch in your hand. That is a guarantee that you will stab your hand. You have to use a knife-sharp screwdiver or wood chisel to pry open the back. Noting to it if the watch is held rock-solid in a vise, away from vulnerable hands. Luckily the tools are amazingly cheap. A good watch vise is $8 - $10. A "professional watchmaker's tool kit" is around $60 - $70, but unless you want to change the batteries for everybody in the valley, you will easily get away with a $15 battery-changer's tool kit. You can always add more tools if there is a demand. If you have a decent watch vise, you can improvise on the tools, or use tools you already have. Battery makers, like Energizer, have good on-line instructions for how to change watch batteries. They are almost like a course, and in PDF for easy printing as a manual. An example is at Energizer Watch Battery Replacement Guide If you have problems seeing very small stuff, either get a magnifying glass, or get some kid to help you. It's actually really easy if you can see small stuff, like the + or - on the tiny battery. At Walmart they change batteries on watches bought there, and if you are really good at flirting, they will do it on other watches too. Have FUN! DearWebby
Today's Bonehead reminded me of this story: A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work beer when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly toward him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked deeply into her eyes and slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Designer Orange Muffins Recipe By Judy Pariser S. [265 Posts, 1,779 Comments] I love recipes that are flexible, and this one has so many options. The muffins freeze well, and you have a quick breakfast that is healthy and inexpensive. Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 12-15 minutes Total Time: 22-25 minutes Yield: 12 Source: Mary Hunt website Ingredients: 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (I used half whole wheat) 1 tsp baking powder 1 tsp baking soda 1/2 cup buttermilk (I used 1/2 cup milk and 1/2 tsp. white vinegar) 1 egg 1/4 cup honey (used 1/8 cup stevia) 2 Tbsp butter 2 Tbsp applesauce 1/2 cup peeled and chopped fresh oranges Steps: Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Grease or line a 12-cup muffin tin. In a large bowl, combine the flour, baking powder and baking soda. Mix well. In medium bowl, combine the buttermilk, egg, honey, butter and applesauce. Mix well. Make a well in the dry ingredients, and add the wet ingredients. Then fold in the oranges. Fill the muffin cups 3/4 full. Bake 12-15 minutes. Cool on wire rack. Optional Glaze: 1 cup powdered confectioner's sugar. 1/2 tsp. grated orange zest, and 1 Tbsp. orange juice. Whisk sugar with the zest and juice until smooth. Frost muffins while still warm. There are so many substitutes for everything! Buttermilk: Soy milk, sour cream, regular milk, yogurt, orange juice, apple juice Flour: Can combine whole wheat or cornmeal. You can also substitute up to 1/2 cup cooked bran or rice cereal for 1/2 cup of flour. Honey: maple syrup, white sugar, brown sugar, molasses, frozen apple juice concentrate Butter: oil or margarine Applesauce: pureed fruit or nonfat plain yogurt
Peacock spider
____________________________________________________ The clinic down the road from here finally decided to get a computer. Their bookkeeper was making so many errors, they figured they better get a computer to blame them on. ___________________________________________________
12 most amazing messages in a bottle ever found.
>from Millie: Dear Webby, you are going to get a chuckle outa this: We have always had your Humor Letter on the bulletin board, probably long before I started here. The last two years it was my duty and pleasure to print it and put it up every morning. Because nobody had read the boss's announcements re a picnic on the company anniversary, I was told today that in future all of his announcements be put "right beside the Webby Humor Letter, which seems to be the only part of the bulletin board anybody reads". Millie
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 19
1571 Spanish troops occupied Manila. 

1628 The Massachusetts colony was founded by Englishmen. 

1644 200 members of the Peking imperial family/court
committed suicide. 

1687 French explorer La Salle was murdered by his own men
while searching for the mouth of the Mississippi River, in
the Gulf of Mexico. 

1702 Upon the death of William III of Orange, Anne Stuart,
the sister of Mary, succeeds to the throne of England,
Scotland and Ireland. 

1748 The English Naturalization Act passed granting Jews
right to colonize in the U.S. 

1775 Poland & Prussia signed a trade agreement. 

1831 The first bank robbery in America was reported. The
City Bank of New York City lost $245,000 in the robbery. 

1865 The Battle of Bentonville took place. The Confederates
retreated from Greenville, NC. 

1866 The immigrant ship Monarch of the Seas sank in
Liverpool killing 738. 

1879 Jim Currie opened fire on the actors Maurice Barrymore
and Ben Porter near Marshall, TX. The shots wounded
Barrymore and killed Porter. 

1895 The Los Angeles Railway was established to provide
streetcar service. 

1900 U.S. President McKinley asserted that there was a need
for free trade with Puerto Rico. 

1900 Archeologist Arthur John Evans began the excavation of
Knossos Palace in Greece. 

1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Cuban treaty, gaining
naval bases in Guantanamo and Bahia Honda. 

1905 French explorer S. de Segonzac was taken prisoner by

1906 Reports from Berlin estimated the cost of the German
war in S.W. Africa at $150 million. 

1908 The state of Maryland barred Christian Scientists from
practicing without medical diplomas. 

1915 Pluto was photographed for the first time. However, it
was not known at the time. 

1917 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the Adamson Act that made
the eight-hour workday for railroads constitutional. 

1918 The U.S. Congress approved Daylight-Saving Time. 

1918 A German seaplane was shot down for the first time by
an American pilot. 

1920 The U.S. Senate rejected the Versailles Treaty for the
second time maintaining an isolation policy. 

1924 U.S. troops were rushed to Tegucigalpa as rebel forces
took the Honduran capital. 

1931 The state of Nevada legalized gambling. 

1945 About 800 people were killed as Japanese kamikaze
planes attacked the U.S. carrier Franklin off Japan. 

1945 Adolf Hitler issued his "Nero Decree" which ordered the
destruction of German facilities that could fall into Allied
hands as German forces were retreating. 

1947 Chiang Kai-Shek's government forces took control of
Yenan, the former headquarters of the Chinese Communist

1948 Lee Savold knocked out Gino Buonvino in 54 seconds of
the first round of their prize fight at Madison Square

1949 The Soviet People's Council signed the constitution of
the German Democratic Republic, and declared that the North
Atlantic Treaty was merely a war weapon. 

1953 Tennessee Williams' "Camino Real" premiered in New York

1954 Viewers saw the first televised prize fight shown in
color when Joey Giardello knocked out Willie Tory in round
seven at Madison Square Garden in New York City. 

1954 The first rocket-driven sled that ran on rails was
tested in Alamogordo, NM. 

1963 In Costa Rica, U.S. President John F. Kennedy and six
Latin American presidents pledged to fight Communism. 

1964 Sean Connery began shooting his role in "Goldfinger." 

1965 Indonesia nationalized all foreign oil companies. 

1965 Rembrandt's "Titus" sold for $7,770,000. 

1968 Students at Howard University seized an administration

1969 British invaded Anguilla. 

1972 India and Bangladesh signed a friendship treaty. 

1976 Buckingham Palace announced the separation of Princess
Margaret and her husband, the Earl of Snowdon, after 16
years of marriage. 

1977 Congo President Marien Ngouabi was killed by a suicide

1977 France performed a nuclear test at Muruora Island. 

1984 A Mobile oil tanker spilled 200,000 gallons into the
Columbia River. 

1985 IBM announced that it was planning to stop making the
PCjr consumer-oriented computer. 

1985 The U.S. Senate voted to authorize production of the MX

1987 Televangelist Jim Bakker resigned from the PTL due to a
scandal involving Jessica Hahn. 

1988 Two British soldiers were killed by mourners at a
funeral in Belfast, North Ireland. The soldiers were shot to
death after being dragged from a car and beaten. 

1990 Latvia's political opposition claimed victory in the
republic's first free elections in 50 years. 

1990 The first world ice hockey tournament for women was
held in Ottawa. 

1991 Brett Hull, of the St. Louis Blues, became the third
National Hockey League (NHL) player to score 80 goals in a

1994 The largest omelet in history was made with 160,000
eggs in Yokohama, Japan. 

1998 The World Health Organization warned of tuberculosis
epidemic that could kill 70 million people in next two

1999 53 people were killed and dozens were injured when a
bomb exploded in a market place in southern Russia. 

2000 Vector Data Systems conducted a simulation of the 1993
Branch Davidian siege in Waco, TX. The simulation showed
that the government had not fired first. 

2001 California officials declared a power alert and ordered
the first of two days of rolling blackouts. 

2002 Operation Anaconda, the largest U.S.-led ground
offensive since the Gulf War, ended in eastern Afghanistan.
During the operation, which began on March 2, it was
reported that at least 500 Taliban and al Qaeda fighters
were killed. Eleven allied troops were killed during the
same operation. 

2003 U.S. President George W. Bush announced that U.S.
forces had launched a strike against "targets of military
opportunity" in Iraq. The attack, using cruise missiles and
precision-guided bombs, were aimed at Iraqi leaders thought
to be near Baghdad. 

2015 Apple replaced AT&T in the Dow Jones Industrial

2017  smiled.

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How to use STRIPMAIL 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 18

Happy St Patrick Day!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Indiana man arrested for sleeping in his car 
Wednesday night with meth lab components and guns.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 18 in
1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of
the Mississippi River.  
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Decisions are made by people who have time, not people who have talent. --- Scott Adams (1957 - ) People need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, the reply was, "That's true, but since Economics is the science of explaining tomorrow why the predictions made yesterday did not occur today, the answers are quite different now." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Signs seen around the World Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR. Doctors office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES. In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER. On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. (and the sign is very hard to read) A sign seen on an automatic restroom hot air hand dryer: Push button for a brief messge from the manager. Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED. Hotel elevator, Paris: PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK. Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID. Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID. An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS. A laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Chad Kiser, 42, Fremont, Indiana Indiana man arrested for sleeping in his car Wednesday night with meth lab components and guns. Coldwater Police arrested a man, Chad Kiser, 42, found sleeping in his car Wednesday night with meth lab components and guns. Officer Sean Meyer was asked to check the man who was sleeping there for five hours. As Kiser opened the car door, in the lot at 186 E. Chicago St., the officer saw a .22 pistol. Kiser admitted he did not have a concealed carry permit. The officer also spotted several knives, plus a meth pipe, on the floor. When backup arrived, the officer located two white plastic trash bags behind the driver's seat filled with meth lab components. A meth hazard disposal team was called to remove the materials. Kiser, of Fremont, Indiana, said he was waiting for his daughter. He had an expired driver's license. Kiser was charged with two 20-year felonies, possession of hazardous meth lab materials and possession of a meth lab. Possession of pseudoephedrine used to make meth, possession of a concealed weapon — five year felonies. He was also charged with possession of a weapon during the commission of a felony — a two-year offense. Preliminary proceedings were ordered. His bond was set at $250,000. Kiser has felony convictions from Steuben County, Indiana for stolen property and possession of a sawed off shotgun. Police also recovered a number of long guns from his trunk. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: James Re: StripMail Dear Webby Greatly appreciate the prompt reply. I, as well as four of my friends, have tried to get this download to work to no avail. Am I missing something? James /i> It does work, quite nicely, but it is one of those nasty programs that require you to read the instructions. Yes, I agree, that's quite sneaky of them. Especially sneaky since their instructions are a lot longer than mine usually are. OK, here is what you do: 1) make a shortcut icon to Stripmail and drag it onto the desktop. 2) When you need to strip some mail, then in the mail hit CTRL A CTRL C to copy it all. 3) Jump into stripmail and click on the PASTE button on top. That will paste the mail (and overwrite the instructions) 4) Click on STRIP to strip the >>> stuff 5) Click on COPY and jump back to your mail. 6) CTRL A to select the old version, CTRL V to overwrite the selection with the stripped mail. Next time you use it, the instructions will be there again. Have FUN! DearWebby
A beautiful young lady arrived breathlessly at the church, jsut as the congregation was rushing to their cars. "Is - m - ass - out?" she panted to one of the slower dowagers. "No, child, but your skirt IS a little short," she replied.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Uses for Whey By Judy Pariser S. [265 Posts, 1,775 Comments] Now that I'm making yogurt, I always have whey leftover. It can be used to replace liquid in baking, diluted for watering plants, as a starter for yogurt, as an addition to pet food,and can be added to the compost pile. You can freeze whey and use as needed. Source: Read online - various sources
Freight Train (I grew up with this version, Dad worked for the railroad and I loved all things "train.")
____________________________________________________ College student: "Hey, Dad! I've got some great news for you!" Father: "What, son?" College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?" Father: "I certainly do." College student: "Well, you get to keep it!" ___________________________________________________
Talented master craftsman creating pottery and ceramics pieces.
A millionaire miser has died and is completing his interview with Saint Peter. To avoid distractions, he was sitting in a bare and rather uncomfortable interview booth. At the conclusion of the interview, St. Peter asks if he has any questions. The man replies, "Yes, I'd heard as a youth that in Heaven one of your seconds was like a thousand years for us, and that a penny was like a billion dollars. Is that true?" He was getting kinda giddy at the calculations in his head. St. Peter answered, "Yes, that is certainly is true." The millionaire handed him a ten dollar bill with a big grin, asking for its worth. St Peter took the bill from him, smiled and said "Well, since you are still on the outside, the exchange rate works against you. I'll have to crank up the big computer to figure out if we have anything that small. Just wait in that interview booth, I'll be back in few minutes."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 18
0037 The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius’ will and proclaims
Caligula emperor. 

1123 The first Lateran Council (9th ecumenical council)
opened in Rome. 

1190 Crusaders killed 57 Jews in Bury St. Edmonds England. 

1532 The English parliament banned payments by English
church to Rome. 

1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of
the Mississippi River. 

1583 Dutch States General & Anjou signed a treaty. 

1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the

1692 William Penn was deprived of his governing powers. 

1766 Britain repealed the Stamp Act. 

1813 David Melville patented the gas streetlight. 

1818 The U.S. Congress approved the first pensions for
government service. 

1834 The first railroad tunnel in the U.S. was completed.
The work was in Pennsylvania. 

1835 Charles Darwin left Santiago Chile on his way to
Portillo Pass. 

1850 Henry Wells & William Fargo founded American Express. 

1865 The Congress of the Confederate States of America
adjourned for the last time. 

1874 Hawaii signed a treaty giving exclusive trading rights
with the islands to the U.S. 

1881 Barnum and Bailey's Greatest Show on Earth opened in
Madison Square Gardens. 

1891 Britain became linked to the continent of Europe by

1899 Phoebe, a moon of the planet Saturn, was discovered. 

1900 Ajax (Amsterdam Football Club) was formed. 

1902 In Turkey, the Sultan granted a German syndicate the
first concession to access Baghdad by rail. 

1903 France dissolved the Catholic religious orders. 

1909 Einar Dessau of Denmark used a short wave transmitter
to become the first person to broadcast as a "ham" operator.

1911 Theodore Roosevelt opened the Roosevelt Dam in Arizona.
It was the largest dam in the U.S. at the time. 

1911 North Dakota enacted a hail insurance law. 

1913 Greek King George I was killed by an assassin.
Constantine I succeeded him. 

1916 Russia countered the Verdun assault with an attack at
Lake Naroch. The Russians lost 100,000 men and the Germans
lost 20,000. 

1917 The Germans sank the U.S. ships, City of Memphis,
Vigilante and the Illinois, without any warning. 

1919 The Order of DeMolay was established in Kansas City. 

1920 Greece adopted the Gregorian calendar. 

1921 Poland was enlarged with the second Peace of Riga. 

1921 The steamer "Hong Koh" ran aground off of Swatow China.
Over 1,000 people were killed. 

1922 Mohandas K. Gandhi was sentenced to six years in prison
for civil disobedience in India. He served only 2 years of
the sentence. 

1931 Schick Inc. displayed the first electric shaver. 

1937 More than 400 people, mostly children, were killed in a
gas explosion at a school in New London, TX. 

1938 Mexico took control of all foreign-owned oil properties
on its soil. 

1938 New York first required serological blood tests of
pregnant women. 

1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini held a meeting at the
Brenner Pass. The Italian dictator agreed to join in
Germany's war against France and Britain during the meeting.

1942 The third military draft began in the U.S. because of
World War II. 

1943 The Reich called off its offensive in Caucasus. 

1943 American forces took Gafsa in Tunisia. 

1944 The Russians reached the Rumanian border in the Balkans
during World War II. 

1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin. 

1945 Maurice "Rocket" Richard became the first National
Hockey League (NHL) player to score 50 goals. 

1948 France, Great Britain, and Benelux signed the Treaty of

1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) was

1950 Nationalist troops landed on the mainland of China and
capture Communist held Sungmen. 

1952 In Philadelphia, PA, the first plastic lenses were
fitted for a cataract patient. 

1953 An earthquake hit West Turkey killing 250 people. 

1954 RKO Pictures was sold for $23,489,478. It became the
first motion picture studio to be owned by an individual.
The person was Howard Hughes. 

1959 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Hawaii statehood

1962 French and Algerian rebels agreed to a truce. 

1963 France performed an underground nuclear test at Ecker

1963 The U.S. Supreme Court handed down the Miranda decision
concerning legal council for defendants. 

1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to
spacewalk when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in
orbit around the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for
about 20 minutes. 

1966 The government of Indonesia was formed by General

1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1. 

1968 The U.S. Congress repealed the requirement for a gold

1969 U.S. President Nixon authorizes Operation Menue. It was
the ‘secret’ bombing of Cambodia. Cambodians noticed.

1970 The U.S. Postal Service experienced the first postal

1971 U.S. helicopters airlifted 1,000 South Vietnamese
soldiers out of Laos. 

1971 A landslide in Lake Yanahuani, Chungar Peru, killed

1974 Most of the Arab oil-producing nations ended their
five-month embargo against the United States, Europe and

1975 Saigon abandoned most of the Central Highlands of
Vietnam to Hanoi. 

1975 The Kurds ended their fight against Iraq. 

1977 Vietnam turned over an MIA to a U.S. delegation. 

1980 The Vostok rocket exploded on the launch pad killing

1981 The U.S. disclosed that there were biological weapons
tested in Texas in 1966. 

1986 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Prince
Andrew to Sarah Ferguson. 

1986 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that a clear,
polyester thread was to be woven into bills in an effort to
thwart counterfeiters. 

1987 The U.S. performed nuclear tests at a Nevada test site.

1990 Thirteen paintings were stolen from the Isabella
Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston. The value was $100 million
making it the largest art robbery in history. 

1989 A 4,400-year-old mummy was discovered at the Pyramid of
Cheops in Egypt. 

1990 The first free elections took place in East Germany. 

1990 In Tampa, FL, a little league player was killed after
being hit with a pitch. 

1992 Leona Hemsly was sentenced to 4 years in prison for tax

1992 White South Africans voted for constitutional reforms
that would give legal equality to blacks. 

1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy. 

1997 A Russian AN-24 crashed killing 50 people. 

2003 China's new president, Hu Jintao, announced that his
country must deepen reforms and raise living standards of
workers and farmers.

2017  smiled.

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GIF versus JPG 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Happy St Patrick Day!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Daycare worker pushes 4 year old girl to fall down the
stairs, then she sees the new security camera.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 16 in
1884 In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made the
first manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider flight in
the United States. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) Virtue is choked with foul ambition. --- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ was hunched over the bar, toothpick in hand, spearing futilely at the olive in the drink. A dozen times the olive bounced away. Finally, another patron, who had been watching intently from the next stool, became exasperated and grabbed the toothpick. "Here, this is how you do it." he said, as he easily skewered the olive. "Big Deal," muttered. "I already had him so tired out, he couldn't get away." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sarah Gable, 52, Delaware Country, Pennsylvania Daycare worker pushes 4 year old girl to fall down the stairs, then she sees the new security camera. Sarah Gable had been an employee of Childcare of the Future in Delaware Country, Pennsylvania for about a year. Before that, the 52-year-old had a long career, working at least 25 years in childcare. However, as ABC 6 reports, she was fired from her latest job on March 3. Shawayne Tavares, the daycare's administrator, was monitoring the center's newly installed security camera when she watched Gable push four-year-old Alayah Humphrey down the steps. The video shows Gable walking down the steps to help Humphrey back on her feet, before looking directly into the camera. The security camera had just been installed before the incident took place. Tavares told CBS Philly that as soon as she saw the incident occur, she confronted Gable: “I said, ‘What are you doing? We don’t do this to children.’” Once the police were notified, Gable was fired, arrested and charged with simple assault and child endangerment. Neither Gable nor her attorney have commented on the incident. She was released from jail on a $25,000 secured bond. A motive as to why she pushed Humphrey down the stairs is not yet known. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Corey Re: GIF versus JPG Dear Webby What's better, GIF or JPG ? JPG pictures look a lot better, but now I was told to always make all catalog pictures in GIF format. What is the reason for that? Corey /i> GIF has a color depth of 256. Believe it or not, at one time that was drool-slobber far out, compared to 16 colors. JPG can show up to 16 MILLION colors, and JPG pictures can easily be compressed. If you don't compress them too much, JPG pictures look nicer. However, the compression is "lossy" and can not be reversed. Every time you save an edit, you wash out more color depth and eventually wind up with a washed out and very bland picture. In addition to that, JPG pictures grow coronas and accumulate fuzz. Never edit in JPG format. Use PSP or PNG format for editing, and save to JPG format just before uploading. Oldfashioned GIF does have several advantages. One is that GIF pictures don't degrade. Another is that you can use transparent sections that are reliably transparent on all browsers and all viewers. And you can make animations that work predictably. The reason that GIF is the favorite for catalog makers is because of the ability to make transparencies. You can make the background transparent and the item appear to float on the page. Have FUN! DearWebby
Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection. Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look. But when they saw how enormous it was, they'd leave. Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out. "This I've got to see," I thought. They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down, and shook it hard. Then they picked up all the coins that tumbled out and drove off.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Removing Soot From Candle Jars By guest (Guest Post) Best Answer The absolute easiest way to clean the soot from a candle jar is to wipe a dry used fabric softener sheet on the glass. This tip was posted on ThriftyFun and I have had fantastic results. Now we don't toss the used fabric softener sheets!
so you want to take a cruise?
____________________________________________________ A few women were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands. One lady said, "My husband just won't go to church with me, I think he's going to go to Hell." This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in Hell. So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said, "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven." Another one said "No, I did this bad thing, I won't make it unless I mend my ways, I better start soon." At this point they noticed that one of the ladies (the only single women in the group, and a blonde, mind you) wasn't saying anything. They turned to her and said, "You're such a nice lady, surely you'll be going to Heaven?" She says, "No way! In fact, first thing in the morning, I'm going to buy me a ticket straight to Hell!" They were shocked and asked, "Why??" "Well, you don't expect me to live in a world without men, do you??!?" ___________________________________________________
Very pretty glass blown animal sculptures.
A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark." The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you." The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?" "Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said. The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 17
0461 Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul. Ireland
celebrates this day in his honor. 

1756 St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City for
the first time. The event took place at the Crown and
Thistle Tavern. 

1766 Britain repealed the Stamp Act that had caused
resentment in the North American colonies. 

1776 British forces evacuated Boston and fled to Nova Scotia
during the Revolutionary War. 

1868 Postage stamp canceling machine patent was issued. 

1884 In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made the
first manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider flight in
the United States. 

1886 20 Blacks were killed in the Carrollton Massacre in

1891 The British steamer Utopia sank off the coast of

1901 In Paris, Vincent Van Gogh's paintings were shown at
the Bernheim Gallery. 

1909 In France, the communications industry was paralyzed by

1910 The Camp Fire Girls organization was founded by Luther
and Charlotte Gulick. It was formally presented to the
public exactly 2 years later. 

1914 Russia increased the number of active duty military
from 460,000 to 1,700,000. 

1930 Al Capone was released from jail. 

1930 In New York, construction began on the Empire State
Building. Excavation at the site began on January 22. 

1942 Douglas MacArthur became the Supreme Commander of the
Allied forces in the Southwestern Pacific. 

1944 During World War II, the U.S. bombed Vienna back into
the stone age. 

1950 Scientists at the University of California at Berkeley
announced that they had created a new radioactive element.
They named it "californium". It is also known as element 98.

1958 The Vanguard 1 satellite was launched by the U.S. 

1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) fled
Tibet and went to India. 

1961 The U.S. increased military aid and technicians to

1962 Moscow asked the U.S. to pull out of South Vietnam. 

1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the
Mediterranean off of Spain. 

1969 Golda Meir was sworn in as the fourth premier of

1970 The U.S. Army charged 14 officers with suppression of
facts in the My Lai massacre case. 

1972 U.S. President Nixon asked Congress to halt busing in
order to achieve desegregation. 

1973 Twenty were killed in Cambodia when a bomb went off
that was meant for the Cambodian President Lon Nol. 

1973 The first American prisoners of war (POWs) were
released from the "Hanoi Hilton" in Hanoi, North Vietnam. 

1982 In El Salvador, four Dutch television crewmembers were
killed by government troops. 

1985 U.S. President Reagan agreed to a joint study with
Canada on acid rain. 

1989 A series of solar flares caused a violent magnetic
storm that brought power outages over large regions of

1992 In Buenos Aires, 10 people were killed in a suicide
car-bomb attack against the Israeli embassy. 

1992 White South Africans approved constitutional reforms to
give legal equality to blacks. 

1995 Gerry Adams became the first leader of Sinn Fein to be
received at the White House. 

1998 Washington Mutual announced it had agreed to buy H.F.
Ahmanson and Co. for $9.9 billion dollars. The deal created
the nation's seventh-largest banking company. 

1999 A panel of medical experts concluded that marijuana had
medical benefits for people suffering from cancer and AIDS. 

1999 The International Olympic Committee expelled six of its
members in the wake of a bribery scandal. 

2000 In Norway, Jens Stotenberg and the Labour Party took
office as Prime Minister. The coalition government of Kjell
Magne Bondevik resigned on March 9 as a result of an
environmental dispute. 

2000 In Kanungu, Uganda, a fire at a church linked to the
cult known as the Movement for the Restoration of the Ten
Commandments killed more than 530. On March 31, officials
set the number of deaths linked to the cult at more than 900
after authorities subsequently found mass graves at various
sites linked to the cult. 

2004 NASA's Messenger became the first spacecraft to enter
into orbit around Mercury. The probe took more than 270,000
pictures before it crashed into the surface of Mercury on
April 30, 2015. 

2007 Mike Modano (Dallas Stars) scored his 502nd and 503rd
career goals making him the all-time U.S. leader in goal-

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 800 million applications

2017  smiled.

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Get rid of automatically starting programs 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 16

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mother clobbered man, who pulled toddler’s diaper down
and tried to sodomize her at Missouri playground
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 16 in
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York,
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct. --- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane. --- Hermann Hesse (1877 - 1962) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An unemployed actor is getting pretty desperate for work. He happens upon this guy that needs actors for a zoo that couldn't get the permits to import a new ape. The actor thinks that this is stupid, but he takes the job anyway. He gets bored and decides to walk around and examine his cage. With this, he notices that people are watching his every move. He decides to give them a show. Soon, he is swinging on the poles and dancing around making a lot of gorilla noises and is drawing quite a crowd. One day, he is showing off for a group of kids. He is swinging around and around a pole, when all of a sudden, his hand slips and he goes flying over the cage wall and right into the lion's pit. Immediately the lion is stalking him. The actor backs up as far as he can, and when he sees no other option, he start screaming "HELP !" With that, the lions growls. "Shut up, you idiot, or you'll get us all fired!" ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ One day, farmer Jones was in town picking up supplies for his farm. He stopped by the hardware store and picked up a bucket and an anvil, then stopped by the livestock dealer to buy a couple of chickens and a goose. Now he had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home. The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?" "Hey, thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went. While walking he met a fair young lady. She told him she was lost, and asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 5 Bird Lane?" The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I could go visit my brother at 16 Bird Lane. Let's take a short cut and go down this alley. We'll save half the time to get there". The fair young lady said, "How do I know that when we get into the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull down my skirt and ravish me?" The farmer said, "I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, 2 chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The young lady said, "That's easy! Set the goose down, put the bucket over the goose, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the silly chickens!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William L. Bates Jr., 24, Kansas City, Missouri Mother clobbered man, who pulled toddler’s diaper down and tried to sodomize her at Missouri playground A Missouri man is in custody and faces multiple charges after he allegedly assaulted a 2-year-old girl at a playground in Kansas City, Missouri, on Friday. William L. Bates Jr., 24, of Kansas City, is charged with first-degree attempted sodomy, and attempted statutory sodomy with a person less than 12 years old, according to KTLA sister station WDAF. A 2-year-old girl was playing on a swing at Kemp Playground near Ninth and Harrison streets when Bates began “eyeballing” her children, the girl’s mother told police. The mother said Bates then walked up behind the girl and snatched her off the swing before grabbing the toddler by the hips and pulling her diaper down. The mother said she saw Bates lift his shirt, take his pants down and begin thrusting against her daughter. Police said the girl’s mother ran at Bates and knocked him to the ground, pummeling him with her fists while he was down. Bates eventually managed to get away and run from the park, but the child’s mother ran to reStart, a nearby homeless shelter, and called police. Officers arrested Bates near the playground, and found he was carrying marijuana and an unidentified white vial of fluid with a chemical odor, according to the arrest report. The mother later identified Bates from a police photo as the attacker. At the Jackson County Detention Center, Bates told police he had gotten a cigarette from someone near the park and doesn’t remember anything of the incident until he awoke inside a fenced in area and was taken into custody by police. Bates’s bond is set at $150,000 cash only. He was scheduled to appear in court on Monday. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Moe Re: Control automatically starting programs Dear Webby I always check the ccleaner Startup Tool. Find a bunch of crap leftover from uninstalls some times or obnoxious apps... ie google updates. others too. And also go to the Process section of Task Manager to End Job if not needed... Backup crap has gotten terrible with the cloud or auto backups. Then the Services section in Task Manager has more of the same crap - so can STOP many of the unwanted junk. Oddly, ccleaner now starts on own. Even if removed. My Sys Mechanic does a check for unwanted start ups, and always finds ccleaner. Sometimes two of them. Moe /i> There you have it from the real Expert. Moe has been tweaking since fence wire dial-up and if he is not tweaking his and his inlaws machines, he is reading about tweaks. CrapCleaner is in the Tool Box, and also in the side menu. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Deeli On my 15th birthday, I opened a package from my mom and sister. Out came a beauty case containing samples of my very own makeup... "Oh, neat," my dad said excitedly, "a tackle box!" My mother and sister explained that it was a beauty kit, not a tackle box. As I proceeded to open the beauty case and showed everyone the eye shadow, mascara, and rouge, my father leaned over to my mother and whispered, "I told you it was a tackle box. Just look at all those lures."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Removing Soot From Candle Jars By guest (Guest Post) Best Answer The absolute easiest way to clean the soot from a candle jar is to wipe a dry used fabric softener sheet on the glass. This tip was posted on ThriftyFun and I have had fantastic results. Now we don't toss the used fabric softener sheets!
little girl learns the Italian way to use her hands while talking
____________________________________________________ Six-year-old called mother from Charlie's house and confessed that a lamp had been broken by throwing a ball in their living room. "But, Mom," said, brightening, "you don't have to worry about buying another one. Charlie's mother said it was irreplaceable." ___________________________________________________
Renovating an 18th century neoclassical French chateau with 96 rooms.
"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school teacher. "He's a magician, ma'am," said Little Johnny. "How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" asked the teacher. "He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny. "Wow! That must be amazing to watch," said the teacher. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Little Johnny answered, "One half brother and two half sisters."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 16
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York,

1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the
Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives. 

1527 The Emperor Babur defeated the Rajputs at the Battle of
Kanvaha in India. 

1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony,
later Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan
tribe in Maine who spoke English. 

1882 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty allowing the United
States to join the Red Cross. 

1907 The world's largest cruiser, the British Invincible was
completed at Glasgow. 

1908 China released the Japanese steamship Tatsu Maru. 

1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks after the
inauguration of Gomez. 

1913 The 15,000-ton battleship Pennsylvania was launched at
Newport News, VA. 

1915 The Federal Trade Commission began operation. 

1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated his throne. 

1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first liquid-
fuel rocket. 

1928 The U.S. planned to send 1,000 more Marines to

1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament and violated
the Versailles Treaty. 

1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia. 

1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. However,
small pockets of Japanese resistance still existed. 

1946 Algerian nationalist leader Ferhat Abbas was freed
after spending a year in jail. 

1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv. 

1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on

1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting
mostly of women and children. The event is known as the My-
Lai massacre. 

1978 Italian politician Aldo Moro was kidnapped by left-wing
urban guerrillas. Moro was later murdered by the group. 

1982 Russia announced they would halt their deployment of
new nuclear missiles in Western Europe. 

1984 Mozambique and South Africa signed a pact banning the
support for one another's internal enemies. 

1984 William Buckley, the CIA station chief in Beirut, was
kidnapped by gunmen. He died while in captivity. 

1985 "A Chorus Line" played its 4,000 performance. 

1985 Terry Anderson, an Associated Press newsman, was taken
hostage in Beirut. He was released in December 4, 1991. 

1988 Indictments were issued for Lt. Colonel Oliver North,
Vice Admiral John Poindexter of the National Security
Council, and two others for their involvement in the Iran-
Contra affair. 

1988 Mickey Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death
in their driveway. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set
nearly 500 auto speed endurance records including being the
first person to travel more than 400 mph on land. 

1989 In the U.S.S.R., the Central Committee approved
Gorbachev's agrarian reform plan. 

1989 The Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee approved
large-scale agricultural reforms and elected the party's 100
members to the Congress of People's Deputies. 

1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit for
human consumption. 

1994 Tonya Harding pled guilty in Portland, OR, to
conspiracy to hinder prosecution for covering up the attack
on her skating rival Nancy Kerrigan. She was fined $100,000.
She was also banned from amateur figure skating. 

1994 Russia agreed to phase out production of weapons-grade

1995 NASA astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American
to visit the Russian space station Mir. 

1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 125,000
suspects for 500,000 murders. 

1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European
Commission announced their resignations amid allegations of
corruption and financial mismanagement.

2017  smiled.

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Control automatically starting programs 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 15

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Liar, Liar, Pants on fire!
Miami lawyer’s pants erupt in flames during arson trial
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 15 in
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high
ranking Roman Senators. Thw Oracle had told him to watch it
on the "Ides of March." 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects. --- Lester B. Pearson (1897 - 1972) Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper. --- Francis Bacon Autobiography is an unrivaled vehicle for telling the truth about other people. --- Philip Guedalla ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went dead, just when headquarters initiated a call to him. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station. When the major and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook the major's hand. "Don't congratulate me, sir," he said modestly as he pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing." The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. "Congratulations," he deadpanned without so much as a smirk. "The major's wife just had a baby girl." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?" The man said, "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month." The bartender said, "That should make you happy!" The man said, "It did. Unfortunately, the month is up today!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stephen Gutierrez, 28, the lawyer Claudy Charles, 48, the arsonist Miami, Florida Liar, Liar, Pants on fire! Miami lawyer’s pants erupt in flames during arson trial A Miami defense lawyer’s pants burst into flames Wednesday afternoon as he began his closing arguments in front of a jury — in an arson case. Stephen Gutierrez, who was arguing that his client’s car spontaneously combusted and was not intentionally set on fire, had been fiddling in his pocket as he was about to address jurors when smoke began billowing out his right pocket, witnesses told the Miami Herald. He rushed out of the Miami courtroom, leaving spectators stunned. After jurors were ushered out, Gutierrez returned unharmed, with a singed pocket, and insisted it wasn’t a staged defense demonstration gone wrong, observers said. Instead, Gutierrez blamed a faulty battery in an e- cigarette, witnesses told the Miami Herald. “It was surreal,” one observer told the Miami Herald. Repeated calls to Gutierrez’s cellphone went unanswered. Miami-Dade police and prosecutors are now investigating the episode. Officers seized several frayed e-cigarette batteries as evidence. “A lot of people could have been hurt,” another observer in court told the Miami Herald. Gutierrez was representing Claudy Charles, 48, who is accused of intentionally setting his car on fire in South Miami-Dade. He had just started his closing arguments when the fire broke out. Jurors convicted Charles anyway of second-degree arson. Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Michael Hanzman, in the coming days, could decide to hold Gutierrez in contempt of court. The 28-year-old lawyer graduated from Florida International University’s law school in 2015. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Randy Re: Control automatically starting programs Dear Webby I have way too many things starting up automatically and running in the background. How do I control what starts up automatically and what I have to start manually if and when I need it? Thanks Randy /i> Dear Randy The best way to prevent a program from running at Startup, is to check the program's own options for a way to prevent this. Most good quality programs will provide an option for this. If you can't find the option there, click Start, Run and type MSCONFIG Go to the Startup tab, and uncheck the item there. This method is not always 100% successful. An example is a program that you do use, but you don't want running automatically. Some programs will check to see if the program's own options say it should run at Startup. If the program thinks its supposed to load at startup, it will re-create the autorun entry. While MSCONFIG works, it's typical Microsoft. The information it gives you is maybe understandable to some Windows programmers, but is just a bunch of weird words for most people. A rainy weekend spent on google will help you make a list of what each of those weird things do. THEN you can make an informed decision about what is safe to disable. An alternative is to use the tools in Spybot-Search&Destroy from the right side menu. It is not only a lot more descriptive about the programs, but it won't let you disable anything that is required to be running. Have FUN! DearWebby
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!!!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, "Well . . . every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ! Are you still in there?!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Apple Pie for Pi Day By Jackie H. [227 Posts, 107 Comments]Pi Day (3/14) is an annual celebration of the mathematical constant Pi (3.14159...) Ingredients: 1 3 lb. bag apples, peeled, cored, sliced thin 1 bottom pie crust 1 roll pie crust, for top crust 2 Tbsp flour 1 Tbsp cinnamon dash of salt 1/4 cup sugar 2 Tbsp butter, cut into small cubes 1 egg beaten (for egg wash) Steps: Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. Peel all apples, cut into quarters, core, then slice in thin slices. Put all slices in a bowl. Add sugar, cinnamon, flour, dash of salt Mix well with a large spoon, mixing the apples so they get well coated. Add the cubes of butter and fold into the apples Take your bottom crust, fill it well over the brim with apples, Build a mountain of apples in the middle. Using your clean hands, press the apples down to fill in any empty areas. Round off this mountain of apples. Using the roll out type of top crust, flour the surface, peel the crust out. Using a rolling pin, flour the rolling pin. Roll out just a little bigger. Carefully lie the pie crust over the apples evenly. Pinch the top crust with the bottom crust. Make 4 double slits in the center of the pie. Beat one egg. Using clean hands, scoop up some egg and rub it over the top and sides of the pie. This makes the pie shiny and golden brown. Cut aluminum foil in long thin strips. Put the foil around the edges of the crust until the last 10 minutes of baking. Remove and continue baking. Bake for 35 minutes or until it is golden brown and bubbly. Cook the pie on a baking sheet!
Swan Lake - not what you think
____________________________________________________ Secretary: "My printer is flashing '''Error 13 Paper Out" Buzzy: "Check to see if there is paper in the machine" Secretary: "Already did, no - there is no paper in the machine" Buzzy: "Try filling the paper bin, see if that fixes the 'error''." Secretary: "Hold on.... Yes that fixed it, but every time it runs out of paper I get the error again." Buzzy: "Hmmmm, I'll have to research that problem. Might be best if you drop the printer off at my office. By the way, the thermostat here does not work. Don`t wear more than your underwear when you come up here." ___________________________________________________
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jet abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained. "It's OK now. It just took a while to find a pilot who is deaf."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 15
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high
ranking Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of

1341 During the Hundred Years War, an alliance was signed
between Roman Emperor Louis IV and France's Philip VI. 

1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first
New World voyage. 

1778 In command of two frigates, the Frenchman la Perouse
sailed east from Botany Bay for the last lap of his voyage
around the world. 

1781 During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford
Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General
Cornwallis' 1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of

1862 General John Hunt Morgan began four days of raids near
the city of Gallatin, TN. 

1864 Red River Campaign began as the Union forces reach
Alexandria, LA. 

1875 The Roman Catholic Archbishop of New York, John
McCloskey, was named the first American cardinal. 

1877 The first cricket test between Australia and England
was played in Melbourne. Australia won by 45 runs. 

1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot voting

1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. It
was the first escalator. 

1901 German Chancellor von Bulow declared that an agreement
between Russia and China over Manchuria would violate the
Anglo-German accord of October 1900. 

1902 In Boston, MA, 10,000 freight handlers went back to
work after a weeklong strike. 

1903 The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000
square miles were now controlled by the U.K. 

1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese
shelled Port Arthur in Korea. 

1907 In Finland, women won their first seats in the Finnish
Parliament. They took their seats on May 23. 

1909 Italy proposed a European conference on the Balkans. 

1910 Otto Kahn offered $500,000 for a family portrait by
Dutch artist Frans Hals. Kahn had outbid J.P. Morgan for the

1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under
General Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit
Pancho Villa. The mission failed. 

1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated himself and his son.
His brother Grand Duke succeeded as czar. 

1919 The American Legion was founded in Paris. 

1922 Fuad I assumed the title of king of Egypt after the
country gained nominal independence from Britain. 

1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage. 

1935 Joseph Goebbels, German Minister of Propaganda banned
four Berlin newspapers. 

1937 In Chicago, IL, the first blood bank to preserve blood
for transfusion by refrigeration was established at the Cook
County Hospital. 

1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia. 

1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part of

1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing. 

1946 British Premier Attlee offered India full independence
after agreement on a constitution. 

1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four
years after the end of World War II. 

1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more
troops for the fight in Vietnam. 

1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil

1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile. 

1960 The first underwater park was established as Key Largo
Coral Reef Preserve. 

1964 In Montreal, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were

1968 The U.S. mint halted the practice of buying and selling

1982 Nicaragua's ruling junta proclaimed a month-long state
of siege and suspended the nation's constitution for one
day. This came a day after anti-government rebels destroyed
two bridges near the Honduran border. 

1985 In Brazil, two decades of military rule came to an end
with the installation of a civilian government. 

1989 The U.S. Food and Drug administration decided to
impound all fruit imported from Chili after two cyanide-
tainted grapes were found in Philadelphia, PA. 

1990 In Iraq, British journalist Farzad Bazoft was hanged
for spying. 

1990 Mikhail Gorbachev was elected the first executive
president of the Soviet Union. 

1990 The Ford Explorer was introduced to the public. 

1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's
declaration of independence was invalid and that Soviet law
was still in force in the Baltic republic. 

1991 Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the
beating of Rodney King on March 3, 1991. (California) 

1991 Yugoslav President Borisav Jovic resigned after about a
week of anit-communist protests. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on
nuclear testing until September of 1995. 

1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed. 

1998 More than 15,000 ethnic Albanians marched in Yugoslavia
to demand independence for Kosovo. 

2002 Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life
sentence in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of
Pan Am Flight 103 on December 21, 1988. 

2002 In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger.
The event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold
nationally by a fast food chain. 

2002 In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for
drowning her five children on June 20, 2001. 

2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the
Associated Press that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year
pledge not to use nuclear arms against states that don't
have them. 

2017  smiled.

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¸Restore recycle bin icon in W7 and W10 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 14

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Sweating dope mule arrested in Marathon, Florida
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 14 in
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom 
to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. --- Alfred E. Newman Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result - the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them yelled, "Ma'am, it looks like you knocked out your cat with the first slam. If you are going to keep doing that, you are going to get some very expensive vet bills!" ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this one: A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support. The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term. "This time you stole a can of tomatoes. Let us suppose that there were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?" The woman agreed. "Then I sentence you to six nights in jail." The husband jumped to his feet , addressing the judge, "Your honor, may I approach the bench?" "Well," said his honor, this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench." The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he said in a low voice, "She also stole a can of peas, your honor." ______________________________________________________ Cardinal-Gynandromorph ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tyler Doidge, 21, Cape Coral, Florida Sweating dope mule arrested in Marathon, Florida A Cape Coral man told police he was delivering drugs to friends in Key West in exchange for a free vacation before being pulled over for speeding in Marathon Tuesday. Tyler Doidge, 21, was stopped just before 8 p.m. for going almost twice the speed limit near mile marker 48, according to the arrest report from Monroe County Sheriff’s Office Deputy Matthew Cory. Doidge told Cory he was aware of warning signs that the 35 mph limit is strictly enforced in the area and was on his way to Key West for vacation. After Cory smelled marijuana and told Doidge he was going to search the 2008 Buick Lacrosse, he noted in the report Doidge began to develop beads of sweat on his forehead. “This is not normal behavior since the outside temperature [was] near 75 degrees. I have a protective vest and long pants on and I was not sweating,” Cory wrote. “Doidge was wearing a tank top and shorts. On the same evening I conducted three other traffic stops and none of those drivers appeared to be sweating.” During the search, Cory wrote he found a black backpack with 84.5 grams (about 3 ounces) of marijuana in plastic bags. Underneath the divider between the trunk bottom and the spare tire was a glass jar inside of which were 318 ecstasy pills with smiley faces stamped on both sides. Doige said his friends forgot the drugs on the mainland and in exchange for the delivery, they’d pay for his entire trip. He also told Cory he’d smoked some of the marijuana before the drive. “When asked to rate it from 1 to 10, he advised that it was an 8,” Cory wrote of the pot’s quality. “He advised that this cannabis was usually sold for around $200 an ounce.” Doige was arrested for possession of marijuana with intent to sell, possession of more than 20 grams of marijuana, possession of 10 grams or more of phenethylamines (ecstasy), and use of paraphernalia to transport drugs, all felonies. He was also ticketed for speeding. Doige was transported to the jail in Marathon without bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Iris Re: Restore Recycle bin icon Dear Webby My ex klutzed around on my computer, supposedly un-installing some of his programs, and since then the recycle bin icon is gone. While it's easy enough to delete stuff with the delete key, the odd time I need to restore a mistakenly deleted file. For that I need access to the recycle bin. Anybody around here whom I asked, said to just re-install Windows and that would fix it. Isn't there a better way ? Thanks Iris /i> Dear Iris In Windows 7 and 8 Go to Control Panel \ Personalize (or right-click on the desktop and select Personalize), and then choose the link for “Change Desktop Icons” on the left-hand side. Now you can chose the icons you want back on the desktop by checking the box next to the name: Click the Apply button, and you should see the icon show up on the desktop immediately. Just to be a nuisancee, it is slightly different in W10: First, right-click on the desktop and choose Personalize. Now select Themes on the left-hand menu, and then once you are there, you can select Desktop icon settings under the “Related Settings” section. And now you can click the checkboxes for the icons that you want back. You should see the icons show up as soon as you click Apply. Have FUN! DearWebby
Cats view of God -On the first day of creation God created the cat. -On the second day God created man to serve the cat. -On the third day God created all the animals of earth to serve as potential food for the cat. -On the fourth day God created honest toil so man could labor for the good of the cat. -On the fifth day God created the sparkle ball so the cat might or might not play with it. -On the sixth day God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and man broke. -On the seventh day God tried to rest, but he had to scoop the litterbox.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Making a Popsicle Stick Toy Harmonica By ShirleyE [143 Posts, 100 Comments] Just 2 sticks and a bit of plastic makes this fun toy. It's not the most tuneful of musical instruments. In fact it only plays one squeaky little note, but for youngish children it's a lot of fun. Supplies: 3 wooden lolly/Popsicle sticks 2 small hair elastics or loom bands small piece of cellophane scissors Optional sticky backed decorations Steps: Snip a little off the end of one of the sticks. It will probably splinter into smaller pieces, but that's OK. Take a small piece of cellophane packaging and cut it to fit the length of a stick. Lay it on top of one of the sticks. Place a piece of the splintered wood on top of the cellophane at each end. Lay the last wooden stick on top. Secure each end with an elastic band. Decorate with sticky back jewels if you like. Put it to your mouth and blow through the gap between the sticks. The cellophane will vibrate and make a noise
Die Maiers Comedy Trapeze
____________________________________________________ Joe's wife had a sex change... Now it's Wednesday's and Saturday's instead of Tuesday's and Friday's. ___________________________________________________
Well, this is different.
There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: "Hello?" "Honey, It's me. Are you at the club?" "Yes." "Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?" "What's the price?" "Only $1,500.00" "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..." "Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2017 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." "What price did he quote you?" "Only $76,000..." "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." "Great! Before we hang up, something else..." "What?" "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account.... and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..." "How much are they asking?" "Only $850,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover the downpayment..." "Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $820,000. OK?" "OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" "Bye... I do too..." The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present....: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 14
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to
Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 

1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay

1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria
and Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 

1743 First American town meeting was held at Boston's
Faneuil Hall. 

1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing
squad on board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 

1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his cotton gin. 

1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in
East Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 

1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the
bottom of the English Channel to prepare for the first
telephone links across the Channel. 

1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the
ratification of the Gold Standard Act. 

1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered
Mendel's laws of heredity. 

1901 Utah Governor Heber M. Wells vetoed a bill that would
have relaxed restrictions on polygamy. 

1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that
guaranteed the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama.
The Columbian Senate rejected the treaty. A deal was signed
on November 6, 1903 with the newly independent Panama. 

1904 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the governments claim
that the Northern Securities Company was an illegal merger
between the Great Northern and Northern Pacific Railway

1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until
after their war. 

1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete
with Germany in naval strength. 

1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 

1912 An anarchist named Antonio Dalba unsuccessfully
attempted to kill Italy's King Victor Emmanuel III in Rome. 

1914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method
to assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a
car from 12½ hours to 93 minutes. 

1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden off
the Chilean coast. 

1918 An all-Russian Congress of Soviets ratified a peace
treaty with the Central Powers. 

1923 President Harding became the first U.S. President to
file an income tax report. 

1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company,
committed suicide. 

1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's
only judge is God and itself. 

1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia
declared its independence. 

1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first
U.S. President to fly in an airplane while in office. 

1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was
dropped by the Royal Air Force Dumbuster Squad on the
Beilefeld railway viaduct. It was the heaviest bomb used
during World War II. 

1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the

1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in
the U.S.S.R. 

1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during
the Korean War. 

1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the
Batista government of Cuba. 

1964 A Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of
Lee Harvey Oswald. 

1967 John F. Kennedy's body was moved from a temporary grave
to a permanent one. 

1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and
Cooperation with the Soviet Union. 

1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The
PLO bases were hit. 

1979 The Census Bureau reported that 95% of all Americans
were married or would get married. 

1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a
Trident aircraft crashed into a factory. 

1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency
landing near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S.
boxing team was aboard the plane. 

1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria
after they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 54
Pakistani prisoners. 

1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first
time in its 23-year history. 

1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under
President George H.W. Bush. 

1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their
alleged part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a
court agreed that the police fabricated evidence. 

1991 Bolivian interior minister Guillermo Capobianco
resigned after U.S. officials accused him of receiving money
from drug traffickers. 

1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first
American to enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 

1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for
an anti-terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root
out Islamic militants. 

1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern

2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a
Libyan intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am
Flight 103. A five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel
Basset Ali al-Megrahi was guilty of bringing down the plane
over Lockerbie, Scotland. 

2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million
bail. Blake had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny
Lee Bakley.

2017  smiled.

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How to Strip >>> from emails 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 13

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
A Florida man is arrested after trying to kill his boss
after he was fired from his job.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 13 in
1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations." The son-in-law interrupted, "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Well, then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being stuck behind a desk all day." "Wait a minute," said the father-in-law. "I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" "Easy," said the young man. "Buy me out." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ One night father was helping with the homework. Father asked "What is the Gross National Product?" pondered for a minute and replied, "Spinach? Broccoli?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Irelio Reyes Osorio, 52, Hialeah, Florida A Florida man is arrested after trying to kill his boss after he was fired from his job. Irelio Reyes Osorio, 52, of Hialeah, was arrested on Tuesday for attempted first-degree murder, KTRK reported. Hialeah Police released video footage of the suspect allegedly trying to run over the victim with his car. Authorities say Osorio was fired from his job at an AC repair company for allegedly showing up to work intoxicated, NBC Miami reports. Days after his termination, “Osorio was angry at his former supervisor for firing him and was demanding to be paid for the two days he worked before he was fired,” according to a police report. “Police said Osorio sent the man numerous text messages, threatening to use a gun, machete or knife on him if he didn’t get paid,” KTRK reported. “Police said the man agreed to meet Osorio at a cafeteria” out of fear. When they met up, police said Osorio was armed with a knife and attacked the victim. The victim suffered cuts to his chest and arm while trying to escape. He threw a rock at the suspect, “knocking the knife out of his hand.” Both men then returned to their vehicles. “Surveillance video shows Osorio’s pickup truck slamming into the man’s work van” in an attempt to run him over. At one point, Osorio pinned the victim against a chain link fence. The victim was taken to a local hospital with stab wounds and bruises. Police say the suspect admitted to attacking and hitting the victim with his truck when he was arrested. Osorio is being held without bond at the Turner Guilford Knight Correctional Center, WPLG reported. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Strip >>> from emails Dear Webby I had to get this @#$%^%$# reformatted and the techy didn't reinstall that wonderful program I got from you for cleaning up emails before I send them on.(as in getting rid of the >>>> 's etc., ...and...I can't remember the name of it or find it on your site.....sheeeesh..maybe I'm losing it. I had made a cute icon for it, and always used that instead of looking for it's name. Anyway would you be so kind as to send me the link so I can re-install it and not send " dirty" emails on. Thanks so much.. Ann /i> Dear Ann I think that is StripMail. Try it anyway. It's free. StripMail Have FUN! DearWebby
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor for a check up. The doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Use Dawn and Baking Soda to Clean a Smooth Top Range Here's an easy and eco-friendly method for cleaning a smooth top range. It removed all but the very worst stains with minimal effort. Total Time: 25 minutes Yield: 1 Supplies: 1 Cups baking soda 2 Tablespoons Dawn 1 towel 1 bowl or bucket Steps: Clean any loose debris off of the range top. Apply baking soda liberally to the top of your stove. Add a squirt of a dish soap to a bowl of water. About 2 teaspoons of dish soap to 1 gallon of water. Soak a towel in the soap and water mixture. Remove, leaving it pretty wet. Place the towel on top of the baking soda. Let sit for 20 minutes. Remove the towel and then dry off the range with a paper towels. Enjoy your clean and glistening range! The only stains not removed are seen in the picture below. Those can be be removed using a little Cerema Bryte. Cerema Bryte is nice to have around, but can be expensive for frequent cleaning.
blind man and his angel dance
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Wanda for this story: Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent. Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below. Quickly, she wrote, "Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street. The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills. "What's this?" she asked. "That's the $8,000 you have coming Sister," he replied. "Don't Despair paid 80-to-1." ___________________________________________________
Amazing Highlights from Smithsonian’s 14th Annual Photo Contest.
Two storks are on a nest-a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry Son, your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy," he says. The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies," the mother stork says to the crying baby stork. A few days later, the stork parents are desperate-their son is gone from the nest all night. Finally, shortly before dawn, he returns. The parents ask their son where he has been all night. The baby stork says, "Awww, just scaring the hell out of teenagers!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 13
0483 St. Felix III began his reign as Pope. 

0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred. 

1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 

1639 Harvard University was named for clergyman John

1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in the
colony of Virginia. 

1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal
to high-ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce
the American army. 

1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. 

1852 The New York "Lantern" newspaper published the first
"Uncle Sam cartoon". It was drawn by Frank Henry Bellew. 

1865 Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to be
used as soldiers for the Confederacy. 

1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff. 

1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. 

1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts took

1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from
business and that he would spend the rest of his days giving
away his fortune. His net worth was estimated at $300

1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country
when students refused to sing the Russian hymn "God Protect
the Czar." 

1902 Andrew Carnegie approved 40 applications from libraries
for donations. 

1908 The people of Jerusalem saw an automobile for the first
time. The owner was Charles Glidden of Boston. 

1911 The U.S. Supreme Court approved corporate tax law. 

1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force
attack in France. 

1918 Women were scheduled to march in the St. Patrick's Day
Parade in New York due to a shortage of men due to wartime. 

1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of

1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been
discovered by scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell

1933 U.S. banks began to re-open after a "holiday" that had
been declared by President Roosevelt. 

1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in
Jerusalem confirming some biblical history. 

1940 The war between Russia and Finland ended with the
signing of a treaty in Moscow. 

1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of
the U.S.S.R. 

1942 Julia Flikke of the Nurse Corps became the first woman
colonel in the U.S. Army. 

1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American
troops on Hill 700 in Bougainville. 

1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tanks units
were stationed 20 miles from Tehran. 

1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General Draja
Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia. 

1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for
the cost of caring for war refugees. 

1951 The comic strip "Dennis the Menace" appeared for the
first time in newspapers across the country. 

1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges.

1963 China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit

1969 The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the
conclusion of a mission that included the successful testing
of the Lunar Module. 

1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave. 

1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11

1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death

1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries was

1980 A jury in Winamac, IN, found Ford Motor Company
innocent of reckless homicide in the deaths of three young
women that had been riding in a Ford Pinto. 

1990 The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua. 

1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up of
the Alaskan oil spill. 

1995 The first United Nations World Summit on Social
Development concluded in Copenhagen, Denmark. 

2003 Japan sent a destroyer to the Sea of Japan amid reports
that North Korea was planning to test an intermediate-range
ballistic missile. 

2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that
scientists had found 350,000-year-old human footprints in
Italy. The 56 prints were made by three early, upright-
walking humans that were descending the side of a volcano. 

2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopædia Britannica
announced it would discontinue its print edition. 

2017  smiled.

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Answer to AOL mail large font problem 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 12

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida tourist flips golf cart while attempting to 
run over rooster
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 12 in
1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for
nominal freedom of religion throughout his territory. 

2013 His successor told the Mooselimbs to get lost or 
go to hell.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons. --- R. Buckminster Fuller (1895 - 1983) Sound really does travel slower than light. The advice parents give to their 18 year olds doesn't reach them until they're about 40. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips.. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "Please give us some wisdom before you die." She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An old Jewish woman has been invited to help screen a movie for the rating it'll carry. The movie is an old remake of a Roman Gladiator-type movie. In the middle of the movie is a scene where the Romans are feeding people to the lions. The little old lady hits the buzzer she's been given, which stops the movie. The attendant comes down to her chair and says, "Yes, ma'am?" "This movie should be rated 'R'," she says, "because those Jews are being fed to the lions!" The attendant says, "Ma'am, those are Christians, not Jews." "Oh..... Ok. Well, start the movie up again." A few minutes later she again presses the buzzer. The attendant comes down to her chair. "Yes ma'am?" She points to the screen. "Those lions over there... ...they're not eating!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Daniel H. Jones, 34, Cinnaminson, N.J. Florida tourist flips golf cart while attempting to run over rooster A drunk tourist in the Keys is accused of attempting to commit a “fowl crime”. Daniel H. Jones, of Cinnaminson, N.J., had a blood-alcohol content over three times the legal limit while erratically driving a golf cart and attempting to run down a rooster in a Key West neighborhood on March 3, according to FL Keys News. He was adamant about trying to hit the rooster,” witness Vincent Vurro told FL Keys News. However, Jones, 34, did more damage to himself and his two passengers when he rolled the cart over and ejecting everyone from the vehicle. The rooster jumped onto a sidewalk and avoided injury. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eve Re: Answer to Large Font on AOL Dear Webby hi saw my webby today and someone needed to change back their fonts ........on aol? On aol's toolbar up top go to "Settings" icon and click it will bring up a page directory for all the aol settings and browser settings, buddy, wallpaper, etc. A to Z! Go to T........for Text and Fonts , click on that and you can change your font size and color everything! ok? Eve Dear Eve Thanks for sending the solution ! Have FUN! DearWebby
A woman was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal beliefs to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm spirit, so he tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel their kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed the woman, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Use Mismatched Socks for Cleaning By 15mhhm15 [37 Posts, 58 Comments] If you have mismatch socks, socks with holes, or the elastic of your socks is stretched out - you can reuse the socks to clean around your house and car. Just slip your hands in the socks and since the socks have been washed - you can use it as a rag, duster and it is more effective and cleans a lot faster! I especially love waxing the car with socks because it applies the wax nicely and it is easy to maneuver the wax on my car. Other usages: - make sock toys - polish your shoes - clean the white board - and many more things you can do
Bathroom etiquette
____________________________________________________ Groan Alert from Vicky! I hadn't been to a class reunion in decades. When I walked into this latest one, I thought I recognized a wife of a classmate over in the corner, so I approached her and extended my hand in greeting, saying, "You look like Helen Brown." "Well," the woman snapped back, "You don't look so great in blue either!" ___________________________________________________
18 common misconceptions.
A hat was passed around a church congregation to take up an offering for the visiting minister. Presently it was returned to him...embarrassingly empty. Slowly the parson inverted the hat and shook it meaningfully. From the back came this comment: "With a sermon THAT long he should be glad he got his hat back!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 12
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. It didn't go over well.

1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony. 

1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II
granted land in the New World to his brother James (The Duke
of York). 

1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for
the first time in the US. 

1789 The U.S. Post Office was established. 

1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the French
to leave the country. 

1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his automatic
telephone system. 

1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time. 

1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for
nominal freedom of religion throughout his territory. 

2013 His successor told the Mooselimbs to get out and/or go
to hell.

1905 In Rome, Premier Giovanni Giolli was forced out of
office by continued civil strife. 

1906 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that corporations must
yield incriminating evidence in anti-trust suits. 

1909 The British Parliament increased naval appropriations
for Britain. 

1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to stem
the conflict with El Salvador. 

1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the
cause of infantile paralysis. 

1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original
name was Girl Guides. 

1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his
technique for putting sound on motion picture film. 

1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that
symbolized his defiance of British rule over India. 

1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of the
German Republic and ordered that the swastika and empire
banner be flown side by side. 

1935 Parimutuel betting became legal in the State of

1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops marched
into Austria. 

1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland. 

1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine"
to help Greece and Turkey resist Communism. 

1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving the
statehood of Hawaii. 

1966 Bobby Hull, of the Chicago Blackhawks, became the first
National Hockey League (NHL) player to score 51 points in a
single season. 

1974 "Wonder Woman" debuted on ABC-TV. The show later went
to CBS-TV. 

1984 Lebanese President Gemayel opened the second meeting in
five years calling for the end to nine years of war. 

1985 The U.S. and the U.S.S.R. began arms control talks in

1985 Larry Bird (Boston Celtics) scored a club-record 60
points against the Atlanta Hawks. 

1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that
he planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his
own bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3

1987 "Les Miserables" opened on Broadway. 

1989 Prime Minister Sadiq al Mahdi of Sudan formed a new
cabinet to end civil war. 

1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the Art
Institute of Chicago to demand that officials remove an
American flag placed on the floor as part of an exhibit. 

1992 Mauritius became a republic but remained a member of
the British Commonwealth. 

1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 31
major military bases. 

1993 Janet Reno was sworn in as the first female U.S.
attorney general. 

1994 A photo by Marmaduke Wetherell of the Loch Ness monster
was confirmed to be a hoax. The photo was taken of a toy
submarine with a head and neck attached. 

1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests.

1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members
of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). All three
countries were members of the former Warsaw Pact. 

2002 Conoco and Phillips Petroleum stockholders approved a
proposed merger worth $15.6 billion. 

2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family
nine months after she was abducted from her home. She had
been taken on June 5, 2002, by a drifter, who had previously
worked at the Smart home. 

2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume
reconnaissance flights off the coast of North Korea. The
flights had stopped on March 2 after an encounter with four
armed North Korean jets. 

2009 It was announced that the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL,
would be renamed Willis Tower. 

2010 In the U.S., Apple began taking pre-orders for the

2017  smiled.

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Change fonts in email 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 11

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Iowa bank robbery ends in brief chase, crash, arrest.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 10 in
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once. --- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Pat Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me. He got restless, so my wife handed him a pad and pencil and suggested he mark down every time the speaker said the word "and." After a while, he grew bored, and I asked, "Would you like to listen for a different word?" "Yes," he whispered. "I'd like to listen for 'Amen'." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Raccoon for this story: Jane and Gina and Mona died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was. Jane said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he turned her away. Gina said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he turned her away. Mona said she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "OK, tell me." She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder..." St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good!" Mona continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dante Rhodes, 40, of Dubuque Iowa Iowa bank robbery ends in brief chase, crash, arrest. A bank robbery in Maquoketa led to a car chase and crash on Wednesday, March 8. Dante Rhodes, 40, of Dubuque, was arrested following the crash. Maquoketa police say they received a call about a robbery around 1:45 p.m. from Fidelity Bank on Highway 64. A teller says the man handed her a note and implied that he had a gun, but did not show one. Rhodes was able to flee with an undisclosed amount of cash and took off in a vehicle. Dubuque police identified Rhodes’ vehicle, but he did not pull over. Dubuque police say he lost control at the intersection of Highways 61 and 52S, where he sideswiped a stopped vehicle. Rhodes continued on and eventually struck an unmarked patrol car head-on. Rhodes tried to flee on foot but was Tasered and arrested. He was treated and released from an area hospital. The driver of the cars he struck were also treated and released. Evidence was found in the vehicle linking Rhodes to the bank robbery, says police. A whole bunch of different charges will be announced next week. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Large Font mail Dear Webby My grandkids were just here for a week during spring break. Not only did their departure leave me with lots of chores to catch up on but also left my computer emails using large print. I'm sure it was a joke about how old they think their Grammy is, but I really don't like it and I don't know how to change it back. Of course none of them took credit for this little prank so they obviously can't blow their cover by telling me how to return it to normal. I even asked the BIG isp, but of course they haven't had time to get back to me ??? Can you help? Thanx, Lee Dear Lee I haven't got a clue about how things are done at AOL. Up here with Eudora, I would click TOOLS, OPTIONS, FONTS and select medium or small fonts. Maybe somebody from AOL can send the instructions on how to do it there, and I'll print them here tomorrow. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Hope for this story: A Southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." With even greater emphasis he yelled, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he hollered, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it all and pour it into the river. AMEN! " With the sermon complete, he sat down. The choir leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closhing sschong, let usch be schinging Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Crescent Pizza Rolls By tiffanytallent1981 [62 Posts, 29 Comments] I think it is safe to bet that almost everyone loves pizza! And if you are looking for a great tasting variation, these rolls are the perfect choice. They make fabulous appetizers for events, parties, and reunions. I actually prepare one package and split them between dinner one night, and lunch the next day. They are just as good reheated in the microwave, so nothing has to be wasted if there are leftovers. Prep Time: 10 Cook Time: 10-12 minutes Total Time: 20-25 minutes Yield: 8 Source: Pinterest Ingredients: 1 pkg. crescent rolls 24 pieces pepperoni 4 mozzarella string cheese sticks Marinara, ranch, or other dipping sauce 1 sprinkle garlic powder 1/8 cup grated Parmesan cheese cooking spray (for some pans) Steps: Cut string cheese sticks in half. Lay out the crescent roll triangles. Add 3-4 slices of pepperoni to each triangle, slightly overlapping. Place them along the base of the triangle, going toward the middle. Add a cheese stick half on top of each set of pepperoni Preheat oven to 350-375 degrees F. You will bake them at the temperature given in the crescent roll directions. Every oven is different and mine works better at 350 F. Use cooking spray if you feel it is needed. I actually did not have any with this current batch. The rolls still practically slid off of my pan! Fold the crescent corners around the pepperonis and cheese sticks, leaving no holes. If you have any holes, the cheese will melt out and burn on the pan. Sprinkle garlic powder on top of the rolls. Place in the oven for 5-8 minutes. The darker you want the bottoms of the rolls, the longer you leave them in the oven. Take them out and flip each roll over. Place back in the oven for 4-6 minutes. The time depends on how dark you want them. I try to leave mine for 6 minutes the first time and 3-4 minutes after they have been flipped. Take them out of the oven and sprinkle the Parmesan cheese on top. Serve with your choice of dipping sauce. If you prefer traditional Pizza Pockets, turn up a quarter inch along the edge of the dough, smear Pizza sauce or Marinara Spaghetti sauce onto the dough, toss small cubed ham, onion, salami, pepperoni, mushrooms, pineapple, whatever you want, except chocolate, onto the triangle. Top with shredded cheese. Squirt or drizzle some more of the sauce, cover with slices of tomato. Bake it for 10 minutes. If you want it to be fast filling, cover it with a dough triangle and smear pizza sauce on top of that and sprinkle some Mozzarella on top of that. Whatever you do, do NOT forget the Pizza sauce (or spaghetti sauce). It's the baked pizza sauce that gives it the expected pizza smell and flavor, not the dough. Have FUN! DearWebby
What Room Does Fear Have?
____________________________________________________ "Hey you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop. Karin complied, and he wrote her a $45 ticket. She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined her chequebook, should learn of the incident. Then inspiration struck and she marked the check stub, "One pullover, $25." ___________________________________________________
Down a secret rabbit hole.
A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice, "two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000." There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So vat did you do with the money?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 11
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome. 

1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day
according to William Shakespeare. 

1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs
(rebels) and the French government. 

1665 A new legal code was approved for the Dutch and English
towns, guaranteeing religious observances unhindered. 

1791 Samuel Mulliken became the first person to receive more
than one patent from the U.S. Patent Office. 

1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to
Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria. 

1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian
Affairs. Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian to
lead the Bureau. 

1845 Seven hundred Maoris led by their chief, Hone-Heke,
burned the small town of Kororareka. The act was in protest
to the settlement of Maoriland by Europeans, which was a
breach of the 1840 Treaty of Waitangi. 

1861 A Confederate Convention was held in Montgomery,
Alabama, where a new constitution was adopted. 

1865 Union General William Sherman and his forces occupied
Fayetteville, NC. 

1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted. 

1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic
Seaboard shutting down communication and transportation
lines. More than 400 people died.(March 11-14) 

1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the
peace overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger. 

1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal
agreement with Nicaragua. 

1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan
purchased Carnegie Steep Corp. The event made Andrew
Carnegie the world's richest man. 

1904 After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the
Hudson River was holed through. The link was between Jersey
City, NJ, and New York, NY. 

1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated. 

1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to
revoke its anti-Japanese legislation. 

1907 In Bulgaria, Premier Nicolas Petkov was killed by an

1935 The German Air Force became an official department of
the Reich. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the
Lend-Lease Act, which authorized the act of providing war
supplies to the Allies. 

1946 Communists and Nationalists began fighting as the
Soviets pulled out of Mukden, Manchuria. 

1946 Pravda exposed Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and a

1964 U.S. Senator Carl Hayden broke the record for
continuous service in the U.S. Senate. He had worked 37
years and seven days. 

1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in
an effort to end arms smuggling to the South. 

1969 Levi-Strauss started selling bell-bottomed jeans. 

1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by
getting his 1,000th career goal. 

1985 Mikhail Gorbachev was named the new chairman of the
Soviet Communist Party. 

1986 Popsicle announced its plan to end the traditional
twin-stick frozen treat for a one-stick model. 

1988 A cease-fire was declared in the war between Iran and

1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet
Union. It was the first Soviet republic to break away from
Communist control. 

1990 In Chile, Patricio Aylwin was sworn in as the first
democratically elected president since 1973. 

1992 Former U.S. President Nixon said that the Bush
administration was not giving enough economic aid to Russia.

1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation
Treaty refusing to open sites for inspection. 

1994 In Chile, Eduardo Frei was sworn in as President. It
was the first peaceful transfer of power in Chile since

1997 An explosion at a nuclear waste reprocessing plant
caused 35 workers to be exposed to low levels of
radioactivity. The incident was the worst in Japan's

2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground
zero in New York as a temporary memorial to the victims of
the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001. 

2017  smiled.

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Is a firewall really necessary? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 10
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man who beat murder rap on technicality killed minutes 
after leaving jail
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 10 in
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the
 Battle of Aegusa off Sicily. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. --- Doug Larson Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don't know and I don't care. --- William Safire (1929 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ went to the store with gramma and on the way home, was looking at the things she had purchased. found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "Queen Size", then turned to gramma and exclaimed, "Look Grandma, you wear the same size as mom's bed!" ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog’s collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out. The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, the woman pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have ten children. He's trying to catch up on his sleep." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award has been earned by Kamari Belmont, 23, Chicago, Illinois Man who beat murder rap on technicality killed minutes after leaving jail A Chicago man accused of murder who beat his case when prosecutors couldn't give him a speedy trial was killed after leaving Cook County Jail on Monday night, according to authorities. Kamari Belmont, 23, was being held on separate murder and robbery cases stemming from a single night in 2015 in which he was accused of shooting one man during a robbery who later died and robbing another man a couple of hours later. Cook County prosecutors in January dropped murder charges against Belmont and his co-defendant, Terrance Hogan, 23, after allowing too much time to elapse under the state's speedy trial statute without bringing the case to trial, according to court records and Belmont's attorney. Bail on Belmont's robbery case was set at $100,000 the same day charges were dropped. At 5:30 p.m. Monday, a friend of Belmont's posted $10,000 bond. Belmont was released at 11:12 p.m. Someone pulled alongside him in a white SUV on California Avenue a couple of blocks south of Cook County Jail on Monday night before midnight and started shooting. Belmont was shot multiple times. The white SUV crashed, and those inside fled, according to police. Belmont collapsed in the street trying to flee and died at the scene. "Oh, my God, I can't believe it," said Belmont's attorney, Michael Johnson, who said he has known Belmont's family for over two decades. He said he'd seen his client recently at the jail as Belmont's family put together the bail money. Hogan remains locked up. "I told him, once he gets out he's got to get out of the neighborhood," Johnson said. "Unfortunately this isn't the first time I've seen this." The man Belmont was accused of killing, Sorrell Marshall, 40, was wounded in a robbery May 1, 2015, and died three weeks later. But after his death, prosecutors chose to indict Hogan and Belmont only on attempted murder and armed robbery charges, according to a motion filed by Hogan's attorneys last fall and later adopted by Belmont. It wasn't clear why prosecutors waited so long to file murder charges or why the two were still indicted for attempted murder after Marshall died May 23. Marshall's death, however, was not immediately ruled a homicide by the Cook County medical examiner's office, which initially marked the case as pending further investigation. The two weren't indicted on murder charges until a year later, but the speedy trial clock had already been ticking because the new indictment was based on the same set of facts, the three-page motion said, leaving prosecutors no choice but to drop the charges. Marshall had dropped off his girlfriend near her apartment at 37th and Vincennes that night and had parked when Belmont and Hogan tried to rob him, according to authorities. A struggle ensued, and Marshall was shot in the leg and the groin. He died later in the month. Belmont was arrested in Canaryville that night after a second robbery, according to authorities. He and Hogan held up a man in the South Loop. A woman with him fled and flagged down a police car that tracked the phone to Canaryville. Hogan was accidentally shot during the arrest, but got away and was arrested after he showed up at Mercy Hospital and Medical Center seeking treatment for his wound. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Beat Re: Is a firewall necessary? Dear Webby Is a firewall necessary for a computer that is only used for an hour or so every day? Beat Dear Beat Yes, it is. They did a test with a thousand brand new computers and they were attacked on the average within 14 minutes. If you don't think a good all round protection like Malwarebytes that protects you from everything including hijackers and ransome ware, is too good for you, then use at least Windows Defender. Yes, I know, all the experts laugh about it, but it IS better than nothing at all. Just use a lot of common sense, be extremely careful when downloading any programs, and if in doubt, Skype me. Watch out for "payloads" attached to free programs. They are only pretending to be neat and nifty helpers, but usually are just a back-door for trouble. Have FUN! DearWebby
You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Pressure Cooker Mongolian Beef By Judy Pariser S. [257 Posts, 1,596 Comments]
LE PLUS GRAND CABARET DU MONDE - Guang Dong - Pas de deux
____________________________________________________ Bob's Secrets to a Happy Marriage 1. It is important to find a woman who cooks and cleans. 2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money. 3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex. 4. It is important that these three women never meet. ___________________________________________________
Makes me want to start digging in my backyard!
Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her. Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage and things couldn't be better. Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 10
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the
Battle of Aegusa off Sicily. 

0049 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and invaded Italy.

1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the
Western Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain. 

1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did
not call it back for 11 years. 

1656 In the American colony of Virginia, suffrage was
extended to all free men regardless of their religion. 

1785 Thomas Jefferson was appointed minister to France. He
succeeded Benjamin Franklin. 

1792 John Stone patented the pile driver. 

1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana
Purchase from France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis. 

1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered to the

1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a
combined Allied Army at the battle of Laon. 

1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe
Hidalgo, which ended the war with Mexico. 

1849 Abraham Lincoln applied for a patent for a device to
lift vessels over shoals by means of inflated cylinders. 

1864 Ulysses S. Grant became commander of the Union armies
in the U.S. Civil War. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call
with the telephone. He spoke the words "Mr. Watson, come
here, I want to see you." 

1880 The Salvation Army arrived in the U.S. from England. 

1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first
graduation ceremony because the only graduate was robbed and
killed the night before. 

1894 New York Gov. Roswell P. Flower signed the nation's
first dog-licensing law. 

1902 The Boers of South Africa scored their last victory
over the British, when they captured British General Methuen
and 200 men. 

1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an

1902 U.S. Attorney General Philander Knox announced that a
suit was being brought against Morgan and Harriman's
Northern Securities Company. The suit was enforcement of the
Sherman Antitrust Act. Northern Securities loss in court was
upheld by the U.S. Supreme Court on March 14, 1904. 

1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating

1903 In New York's harbor, the disease-stricken ship
Karmania was quarantined with six dead from cholera. 

1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at

1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from Siam and

1910 Slavery was abolished in China. 

1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the
Manchu Ch'ing Dynasty. 

1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law
forbidding late-night work for women. 

1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler to
speak in public. 

1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs. 

1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain
allowed food to reach France. 

1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied
the accusation of spying on Allied troops. 

1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 100,000
were killed. 

1947 The Big Four met in Moscow to discuss the future of

1947 Poland and Czechoslovakia signed a 20-year mutual aid

1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also known
as "Axis Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. Gillars
was convicted of treason and served 12 years in prison. 

1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS
Missouri. The ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the
enemy position. 

1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp at
Ashau Valley. 

1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest
U.S. dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its
headquarters from Paris. 

1969 James Earl Ray pled guilty in Memphis, TN, to the
assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. Ray later repudiated
the guilty plea and maintained his innocence until his death
in April of 1998. 

1971 The U.S. Senate approved an amendment to lower the
voting age to 18. 

1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese
town of Ban Me Thout. 

1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to
the militants holding American hostages in Tehran. 

1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their
continued support of terrorism. 

1987 The Vatican condemned surrogate parenting as well as
test-tube and artificial insemination. 

1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months
after seizing power in a coup. 

1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw
540,000 U.S. troops from the Persian Gulf region. 

1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal
grand jury about the Whitewater controversy. 

1995 U.S. Secretary of State Warren Christopher told Yasser
Arafat that he must do more to curb Palestinian terrorists. 

1998 U.S. troops in the Persian Gulf began receiving the
first vaccinations against anthrax. 

2002 The Associated Press reported that the Pentagon
informed the U.S. Congress in January that it was making
contingency plans for the possible use of nuclear weapons
against countries that threaten the U.S. with weapons of
mass destruction, including Iraq and North Korea. 

2003 North Korea test-fired a short-range missile. The event
was one of several in a patter of unusual military

2017  smiled.

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Name in jokes 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 9

Thanks Jim!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texan jailed in Florida after stealing two vehicles and 
a patrol car
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 8 in
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias
Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in
his honor. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) The love of truth lies at the root of much humor. --- Robertson Davies ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The proprietor of a successful optical shop was instructing on how to charge a customer. "After you have fitted the customer's glasses," he said, "and he asks you what the charge will be, you say, '$200.' Then see if he winces." "If the customer doesn't wince you say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be another $200.'" "If he still doesn't wince you say firmly, 'Each.'" ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon's house. After a two-minute job, he demanded $150. The neurosurgeon exclaimed, "I don't even charge that amount and I am a brain surgeon." The plumber replied, "I agree. You are right! I didn't either, when I was a surgeon. That's why I switched to plumbing." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cody Dwayne Hynum, 30, Highlands, Texas Texan jailed in Florida after stealing two vehicles and a patrol car A vehicle fire on Interstate 10 in Walton County leads to an unprecedented chain of events including two stolen vehicles and a handcuffed suspect stealing a patrol car. Friday morning at approximately 9:50am Walton County Sheriff’s Deputies responded to a vehicle fire near mile marker 85 on I-10. After the fire was extinguished it was discovered the vehicle was stolen out of DeFuniak Springs and was purposely set on fire following the crash. Shortly after, a citizen notices a man sitting in his Jeep attempting to steal it at a home on Bob Sikes Road. The citizen detained the suspect, holding him at gunpoint until deputies arrived. The suspect, identified as Cody Dwayne Hynum, 30, was cuffed and put in the back of a patrol car. Following his arrest it was determined Hynum had also burglarized a carport and stolen a Ford pickup truck, which was disabled in the area. While deputies were working both crime scenes Hynum kicked out the rear driver’s side window and, still cuffed, was able to get out of the vehicle and gain access to the driver’s seat. The suspect fled the area and driving with his knees and chin drove down Woodyard Road. Hynum then hit a private citizen’s fence, drove down a driveway and struck a barrier at the end of the driveway. The suspect fled from the patrol vehicle into the woods and was tased and apprehended by deputies after a short foot pursuit. Hynum was charged with escape, two counts of grand theft auto with damages over $1,000, two counts of burglary, larceny over a $1,000, criminal mischief over $1,000, resisting arrest with violence, and fleeing and eluding. He was taken to a local hospital to be evaluated and later booked into the Walton County Jail. Additional charges may be added. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jae Re: Name in the jokes Dear Webby My name as you know is Jae. I love your humor letter a lot, i subscribed because my dad had been subscribed ages ago and would tell us some of the jokes you had. One day i decided i just had to get in on this and subscribed. I have not been dissapointed yet. I love the pictures that get included and all the jokes are just epic (although we have to agree that the bonehead award winners are the biggest joke of all). One of my favourite things about it is you use my name in it a couple of times so i love that a lot. Sorry for a long email but just wanted to say thank you and to tell you that everyday you bring a smile to a one legged boy who really needs to smile every now and then. Jae Dear Jae Good for you! That shows you are one of the smart ones. Unfortunately about 10 % of the subscribers did not put their first or nickname into the First Name slot, left it blank or put their full name ito it. A joke falls flat if the name is missing, or if the hero in the joke is Mrs Ernerstine Heather Slivowitz-Brownbottom III I use the same code as with the greeting at the top. There is no way to edit that for thousands every day. If your subscription does not have the correct first name or nickname, hit REPLY and type the correct first name or nickname, that you want to see in the Good Morning greeting at the top. I will edit your subscription. No need to unsubscribe and re-subscribe. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Diana for this story: While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Pressure Cooker Mongolian Beef By Judy Pariser S. [257 Posts, 1,596 Comments] Prep Time: 20 minutes Cook Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 40 minutes Yield: 6 servings Source: Instant Pot Community group on Facebook Ingredients: 2 lb flank steak, cut into 1/4 strips 1 Tbsp vegetable oil 4 cloves garlic, minced or pressed 1/2 cup soy sauce 1/2 cup water 2/3 cup dark brown sugar (I used 1/3 cup Truvia brown sugar blend) 1/2 tsp minced fresh ginger 2 Tbsp cornstarch 3 Tbsp water 3 green onions, sliced into 1-inch pieces Steps: Make sure your vegetables are all cut up and your sauce is made. This recipe requires you to work quickly. Season the cut beef with salt and pepper. cut garlic and onions flank steak cut in strips Make the sauce and reserve for later. Add soy sauce, water, brown sugar and ginger. Stir to combine. Put oil in bottom of pot. Saute the beef in batches. Don't crowd. Move the beef to a plate when done. Add the garlic and saute for 1 minute. Add the sauce you made earlier. Add the beef and any juices. Lock the lid. Pressure cook on high for 12 minutes. Quick release. Combine the cornstarch and water and mix thoroughly. Simmer the sauce and add the cornstarch and water, stirring often until the sauce thickens. Stir in the green onions and serve.
the Wilhelm Scream Compilation
____________________________________________________ After watching a rather hot love scene on cable, Bob looked over at his wife Shirley and said, "How come you never make love to me like that?" "Are you kidding me?", she replied. "She gets paid big money to act like she loves him!" ___________________________________________________
These ancient ceramic whistling bottles have been dated as far back as ca. 500 BC.
Thanks to Jimmie for this story: In search of a new shower for our home, my wife and I went to a bathroom-supply store. We discussed our needs with a young saleswoman. Since it was near closing time, we had to curtail our discussion and made plans to come back the next day to make our final decision. Later that evening, my wife and I were at a restaurant, where the same young lady from the bathroom-supply store was now working a shift as a waitress. As she passed our table, she suddenly recognized us and called to me in a loud voice, "HEY! YOU'RE THE MAN WHO NEEDS A SHOWER!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 9
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Matthias
Ringmann, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in
his honor. 

1617 The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern
Russia by Swedish troops. 

1734 The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland. 

1745 The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston,

1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in
North America. The event was witnessed by U.S. President
George Washington. 

1796 Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were
married. They were divorced in 1809. 

1799 The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of
Berlin, CT, for 500 horse pistols at the price of $6.50

1812 Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon. 

1820 The U.S. Congress passed the Land Act that paved the
way for westward expansion of North America. 

1822 Charles M. Graham received the first patent for
artificial teeth. 

1832 Abraham Lincoln announced that he would run for a
political office for the first time. He was unsuccessful in
his run for a seat in the Illinois state legislature. 

1839 The French Academy of Science announced the
Daguerreotype photo process. 

1858 Albert Potts was awarded a patent for the letter box. 

1859 The National Association of Baseball Players adopted
the rule that limited the size of bats to no more than 2-1/2
inches in diameter. 

1860 The first Japanese ambassador to the U.S. was

1862 During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and
Virginia fought to a draw in a five-hour battle at Hampton
Roads, Virginia. 

1863 General Ulysses Grant was appointed commander-in-chief
of the Union forces. 

1897 A patent was issued to William Spinks and William
Hoskins for cue chalk. 

1900 In Germany, women petition Reichstag for the right to
take university entrance exams. 

1905 In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the royal
tombs of Tua and Yua. 

1905 In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000
Russian troops that were retreating from Mudken. 

1905 In Congo, Belgian Vice Gov. Costermans committed
suicide following an investigation of colonial policy. 

1906 In the Philippines, fifteen Americans and 600 Moros
were killed in the last two days of fighting. 

1909 The French National Assembly passed an income tax bill.

1910 Union men urged for a national sympathy strike for
miners in Pennsylvania. 

1911 The funding for five new battleships was added to the
British military defense budget. 

1916 Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus,
New Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen. 

1929 Eric Krenz became the first athlete to toss the discus
over 160 feet. 

1932 Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish Free
State and pledged to abolish all loyalty to the British

1933 The U.S. Congress began its 100 days of enacting New
Deal legislation. 

1936 The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the
upcoming elections would be arrested. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched
incendiary bomb attacks against Japan. 

1946 The A.F.L. accused Juan Peron of using the army to
establish a dictatorship over Argentine labor. 

1949 The first all-electric dining car was placed in service
on the Illinois Central Railroad. 

1956 British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop
Makarios from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting

1957 Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the
tolls for the use of the Suez Canal. 

1959 Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair in New

1964 Production began on the first Ford Mustang. 

1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam. 

1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected
to the United States. 

1969 "The Smothers Brothers' Comedy Hour" was canceled by

1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. 

1975 Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds. 

1977 About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three
buildings in Washington, DC. They killed one person and took
more than 130 hostages. The siege ended two days later. 

1983 The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S.
President Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic anti-

1985 "Gone With The Wind" went on sale in video stores
across the U.S. for the first time. 

1986 U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the
space shuttle Challenger along with the remains of the

1987 Chrysler Corporation offered to buy American Motors

1989 The U.S. Senate rejected John Tower as a choice for a
cabinet member. It was the first rejection in 30 years. 

1989 In Maylasia, 30 Asian nations conferred on the issue of
"boat people." 

1989 In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into

1989 In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a
mandatory death penalty in drug-related killings. 

1993 Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four Los
Angeles police officers accused of violating his civil
rights. (California) 

1995 The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for
illegally fishing off of Newfoundland. 

2000 In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne
Bondevik resigned as a result of an environmental dispute. 

2017  smiled.

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How to dump obsolete FaceBook accounts 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 8

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Georgia vegetarian jailed for playing chicken against a
chicken truck 
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 8 in
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The truth that makes men free is for the most part the truth which men prefer not to hear. --- Herbert Agar How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away. --- Ronald Reagan ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a farm. The second said his dad owned a factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boy scoffed. "How can a man own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that them elders of our church gave it to him last night." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A large, well-established Oregon lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack. The next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe and knocked on the head lumberjack's door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "I'm Pee-aire Thibboduce frem Keebeck, best lumberguy dis side of Moh-reall! Jesst gimme a schonce to show you what ha real lumberguy can do," said the skinny man. "Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down." The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut down de tree," Pierre said. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?" "In de Sahara Forest," replied the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert ?" asked the lumberjack. The little man laughed and answered back, "Oh fer sure, tha'ss what dey call it now!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Judith Moriah Armstrong, 26, Hull, Madison County, Georgia Georgia vegetarian jailed for playing chicken against a chicken truck A Georgia woman who was arrested for allegedly purposely crashing her car into the side of a truck carrying a load of chickens told police she did so because she’s a vegan. Veganism is the practice of not eating or using in other ways any animal product; they object to exploiting animals. The incident occurred Feb. 21 on Georgia Highway 72 in Hull, Georgia in the northeastern part of the state near Athens. According to media reports, the truck’s driver told police he was driving on the highway when a red car struck his vehicle. The driver said he put on the brakes and the car hit the truck again before leaving the scene. At the scene, the trucker described the collision and the car to police, who found a license plate in the debris. They eventually found the car and the woman at her home. Judith Moriah Armstrong, 26, refused to leave her house when police arrived. Law enforcement officials spoke with her through a window and she admitted to ramming the truck and leaving the scene. She also told police she hit the truck because she is a vegan. Armstrong was eventually taken into custody and faces charges for hit and run, aggressive driving, driving under the influence, and obstruction. Major Jeffrey Vaughn from the Madison County Sheriff’s office told the New York Post that, “She was protecting the life of those little baby chickens … she thought.” Vaughn added the chickens, none of which had been injured in the collision, had been picked up at a local farm and were in their way to a processing plant. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Annette Re: Dump extra Facebook accounts Dear Webby I have 3 accounts that I dont know how to delete 2 of them. the only account I use is the one with my pic on it. Annette Dear Annette Log into the obsolete account, download or save anything, that is worth keeping, then go to and hit Delete My Account. You will have to answer a few "Do you really ..."questions, and then they will take care of it. Have FUN! DearWebby
"Did you see this? Yesterday a 4.2 earthquake shook Arkansas. Over 12000 cars were knocked off their blocks."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Pressure Cooker Hard Boiled Eggs By Judy Pariser S. [256 Posts, 1,595 Comments] Prep Time: Less than 2 minutes Cook Time: 5 minutes Total Time: 15 minutes Yield: As many eggs as you want Source: Instant Pot Community on Facebook Ingredients: eggs water Steps: Put 1 cup of water in the cooker. Get a bowl of ice water ready. You will need it at the end. Put your eggs on a trivet or steamer. You may stack the eggs, but make sure they don't touch the side of the pot or they will crack and some of the cooked egg will seep out. Lock the lid. Pressure cook for 5 minutes. Natural release for 5 minutes. Put the eggs into the ice water for 5 minutes. They will peel very easily. You can peel now or when you are ready to eat them. If you do not want the ugly grey boundary on the yolk, just put the eggs into boiling water with tongs, bring the water back up to a rolling boil, turn off the burner or move the pot off the fire, and put a lid on it. Let it steep for 5-6 minutes. Pour cold water into the pot and shake the pot vigorously to crack the shells a bit. As the eggs are cooling rapidly, they will pull some water under the shells and will be really easy to peel. Have FUN! DearWebby
The Day the Music Died - March 3
____________________________________________________ As a new school Principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day. The school where he had been a Principal the previous year had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox. Cautiously, he asked the school's long time Custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?" The Custodian looked at him gravely. "We trust them with the children, don't we?" ___________________________________________________
People are awesome. The month of February 2017.
When three-year-old opened a birthday gift from Gramma and found a water pistol. There was delightful squealing and a sprint to the sink to fill it. Mother was not so pleased. She turned to Gramma and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Gramma smiled and then replied, "I remember." Just wait till you see open Grampa's present!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 8
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary

1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of
King William III. 

1782 The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians
were killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids
carried out by other Indians. 

1853 The first bronze statue of Andrew Jackson is unveiled
in Washington, DC. 

1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge
at Niagara Falls, NY. 

1862 The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched. 

1880 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes declared that the
United States would have jurisdiction over any canal built
across the isthmus of Panama. 

1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett

1894 A dog license law was enacted in the state of New York.
It was the first animal control law in the U.S. 

1904 The Bundestag in Germany lifted the ban on the Jesuit
order of priests. 

1905 In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was
spreading to Georgia. 

1907 The British House of Commons turned down a women's
suffrage bill. 

1909 Pope Pius X lifted the church ban on interfaith
marriages in Hungary. 

1910 The King of Spain authorized women to attend

1911 In Europe, International Women's Day was celebrated for
the first time. 

1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray
declared that Britain would not support France in the event
of a military conflict. 

1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and
strikes in St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the
"February Revolution" due to Russia's use of the Old Style

1917 The U.S. Senate voted to limit filibusters by adopting
the cloture rule. 

1921 Spanish Premier Eduardo Dato was assassinated while
leaving the Parliament in Madrid. 

1921 After WWI French troops occupied Dusseldorf. 

1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first
time at Franklin, IN. 

1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to
extinguish any anti-Nazi protests. 

1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon,

1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in
Bougainville. The battle lasted five days. 

1945 Phyllis Mae Daley received a commission in the U.S.
Navy Nurse Corps. She later became the first African-
American nurse to serve duty in World War II. 

1946 In New York City, the "Journal American" became the
first commercial business to receive a helicopter license. 

1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam. 

1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction
in public schools was unconstitutional. 

1953 A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers
had quit farming over the last 2 years. 

1954 France and Vietnam opened talks in Paris on a treaty to
form the state of Indochina. 

1959 Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance

1961 Max Conrad circled the globe in a record time of eight
days, 18 hours and 49 minutes in the Piper Aztec. 

1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam.
They were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam. 

1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number of
troops in Vietnam. 

1973 Two bombs exploded near Trafalgar Square in Great
Britain. 234 people were injured. 

1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans
with poison gas. 

1985 The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) reported that
407,700 Americans were millionaires. That was more than
double the total from just five years before. 

1986 Four French television crew members were abducted in
west Beirut. All four were eventually released. 

1988 In Fort Campbell, KY, 17 U.S. soldiers were killed when
two Army helicopters collided in midair. 

1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three
days of protest against Chinese rule. 

1999 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the conviction of Timothy
McVeigh for the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma
City in 1995. 

1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed
the firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at
the Los Alamos National Laboratory. The firing was a result
of alleged security violations. 

2001 The U.S. House of Representatives voted for an across-
the-board tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next

2005 In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan
Maskhadov was killed during a raid by Russian forces.

2017  smiled.

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Driver update Pop-Up scam 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 7

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Singapore teen jumps to his death in reported snapchat stunt
by hopping over a glass barrier and through a decoration
down 4 floors.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 7 in
1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before
the city council that, "Women are not physically fit to
operate automobiles."  
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater. --- Gail Godwin An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. --- Simon Cameron ------------ That is why you just lease them nowadays. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business! The CEO walks up the guy and asks, "And how much money do you make a week?" Unflinching, the young fellow looks at him and replies, "I make $300.00 a week. Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $300 in cash and screams, "Here's a week's pay; now GET OUT and don't come back!" Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?" Just then the foreman comes into the room with his wallet in his hand. He looks around and says, "Hey! Did the pizza delivery guy leave without his tip ?" ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Vi for this story. George, age 92, and Edith, age 89, had been seeing each other for 2 years when they decided that life was too short and they might as well be together for the rest of their lives. Excited about their decision to become newlyweds, they went for a stroll to discuss the wedding and what plans need to be made. Along their way, they found themselves in front of a drugstore. George said to his bride-to-be, "Let's go in. I have an idea." They walked to the rear of the store and addressed the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" asked George. The pharmacist answered, "Yes sir, I am. How can I help you?" George: "Do you sell heart medications?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." George: "How about support hose for circulation?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." George: "What about medications for rheumatism, osteoporosis & arthritis?" Pharmacist: "All kinds." George: "How about waterproof furniture pads and Depends?" Pharmacist: "Yes sir." George: "Hearing aids, denture supplies & reading glasses?" Pharmacist: "Yes." George: "What about eye drops, sleeping pills, Geritol, Preparation-H and ExLax?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely." George: "You sell wheelchairs, walkers, and canes?" Pharmacist: "All kinds and sizes. Why all these questions?" George smiled, glanced shyly at Edith and replied to the pharmacist, "We've decided to get married and we'd like to use your store as our Bridal Registry." -------- Good idea to avoid the usual 27 toasters and 11 toaster ovens from the Flea Market. Unless you craft a personal gift, the best idea is a coupon for a fixed amount payment to be put onto their credit cards. Dont give cash in envelopes if more than 5 guests are expected. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award has been earned by Jonathan Chow, 17, Singapore Singapore teen jumps to his death in reported snapchat stunt by hopping over a glass barrier and through a decoration down 4 floors. He thought he was jumping onto a concrete ledge, his friend says. One teen reportedly leapt to his death in Singapore after attempting a Snapchat stunt that went tragically wrong. Jonathan Chow, 17, jumped over a barrier and fell four floors at Singapore’s Orchard Central mall Friday, The Straits Times reported. Footage leaked from the mall’s closed-circuit television, which made its rounds on the internet Tuesday, appears to show Chow and a girl standing next to a railing in the mall. Chow jumps over the railing while the girl raises her arm, as if she’s recording the jump with a phone. Then she appears to panic and peers over the railing. Orchard Central confirmed the authenticity of the 15-second video to The Straits Times.
A girl who identified herself only as Ruth to local media said she was there when Chow jumped. Ruth said she and Chow were shopping at the mall and “when we went to the bridge, he came up with the idea of doing the stunt,” she told Today Online, a Singapore news website, during Chow’s wake. Ruth explained that there was a ledge past the railing that appeared to be concrete. They were both supposed to leap onto the ledge and record each other. “We both thought the ledge was concrete, but when he jumped, he fell straight through,” Ruth told Today Online. The ledge was made of a decorative plasterboard casing and was not meant to bear weight, The Straits Times reported. According to Ruth, Chow’s last words were, “Help me take a Snapchat video and I’ll jump.” Far East Organization, the retail business that owns Orchard Central, said in a statement that the glass railing along the bridge is 1.2 meters (3.9 feet), “acts as a safety barrier” for the public and “prohibits access to the plasterboard box-up,” according to Today Online. Chow’s father, however, called for more safety measures at Orchard Central. “The [decorative structure] was wide enough to look like a passageway, and there was no warning sign to tell people that it should not be walked on,” Matthew Chow told The Straits Times. “We don’t want other families to go through what we went through.”
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Randal Re: Driver Update PopUp Dear Webby Hope this finds you in good spirits and your eyes in good condition. My questions for you this morning is about free drivers updates? Every morning i get hit with a screen saying my drivers need to be updated and when i went thru all of the screens i got to a credit card screen well i just kindly back my way out of there. My question is there a free driver update service? any knowledge on this subject would be greatly appreciated... Have a great week... Randy Dear Randy Your computer is infected. You don't need drivers, you need Malwarebytes and clean that infection out of your machine. Drivers are totally free. You simply go to the company site of whatever driver you need, for example the printer manufacturer, click on Drivers, Download. They are all totally free. Many devices do that automatically, when you connect them the first time. What you get bugged with is some crooks, who want your credit card data. Get rid of them! Have FUN! DearWebby
Here is a classic that came back via Jolly: It was Palm Sunday, and the mother's 3 year old son had to stay home from church because of strep throat. When the rest of the family returned home carrying palm branches, the little boy asked what they were for. His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by." "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don't go, and Jesus shows up!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Toilet Paper Tube Seedling Pots A great way to recycle toilet paper tubes is to use them as containers to start vegetable and flower seeds for garden plants. This is a guide about toilet paper tube seedling pots. Supplies: toilet paper tubes scissors Steps: Cut the TP tube in half. Then make 4 cuts that are approx. 1/2 in., creating 4 flaps of equal size. Fold one flap inward, then working clockwise, fold the other flaps down. Tuck the corner of the last flap under the corner of the first flap. (Like when you are closing a cardboard box.) Turn them over and gently press them down on a flat surface so make the bottoms flat, so that they will stay upright. Turn them over, fill with soil, and plant your seeds. Once the seeds have sprouted and are ready to go into the ground, just plant them with the pot. The cardboard will disintegrate in the soil.
car curling
____________________________________________________ A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. "Now, class. Observe the worms closely," said the teacher putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a door nail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the teacher asked. , who naturally sat at the back, raised a hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms." ___________________________________________________
Beautiful bouquets made from old silverware. It was hard for me to pick a favorite.
There was this guy in a mental hospital. All day long he had his ear to the wall, listening. The Dr. Cohen would watch this guy do this day after day. The doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing. He turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything." The mental patient said, "Yeah doc, I know. It's been like that for months."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 7
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 

1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce. 

1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men
massacred more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners. 

1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed. 

1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved. 

1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing

1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent (U.S. Patent
No. 174,465) for his telephone. 

1901 It was announced that blacks had been found enslaved in
parts of South Carolina. 

1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok. 

1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a
black man accused of murder. 

1906 Finland granted women the right to vote. 

1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before
the city council that, "Women are not physically fit to
operate automobiles." 

1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker. 

1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent
20,000 troops to the border of Mexico. 

1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany to get
Germany to protect them from Russia. 

1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia. 

1927 A Texas law that banned Negroes from voting was ruled
unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1933 The board game Monopoly was invented. 

1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph
in Florida. 

1936 Hitler sent German troops into the German Rhineland in
violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles. 
The German Rhineland had been given to France after WWI.

1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea. 

1945 At the end of World War II, U.S. forces crossed the
Rhine River at Remagen, Germany after bombing the area back
into the stone age. 

1947 John L. Lewis declared that only a totalitarian regime
could prevent strikes. 

1951 U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway
launched Operation Ripper against the Chinese. 

1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey
competition. Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world
ice-hockey title in Stockholm, Sweden. 

1955 Baseball commissioner Ford Frick said that he was in
favor of legalizing the spitball. 

1959 Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a
million miles in jet airplanes. 

1965 State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march
by civil rights demonstrators in Selma, AL. 

1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end. 

1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos. 

1975 The U.S. Senate revised the filibuster rule. The new
rule allowed 60 senators to limit debate instead of the
previous two-thirds. 

1981 Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the
kidnapped American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman.
The guerrillas accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent. 

1985 The first AIDS antibody test, an ELISA-type test, was

1987 Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder
when he beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round
fight in Las Vegas, NV. 

1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II
massacre in Katyn. The Russians had accused the Germans but
had to admit it in the face of evidence. They had rounded up
all Polish officers, University and college graduates and
executed them in the Katyn forest.
Eventually they built a memorial for them and invited all
kinds of Polish politicians and intelligentsia to attend the
grand dedication of the memorial. That plane nysteriously
crashed, killing all aboard.

1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke
fun at an original work can be considered "fair use" that
does not require permission from the copyright holder. 

1994 In Moldova, a referendum was rejected by 90% of voters
to form a union with Rumania. 

1999 In El Salvador, Francisco Flores Pérez of the ruling
Nationalist Republican Alliance (Arena) was elected

2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than $88
million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a legal
battle over the estate of Smith's late husband, J. Howard
Marshall II. Her lawyers got most of that.

2003 Scientists at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center
announced that they had transferred 6.7 gigabytes of
uncompressed data from Sunnvale, CA, to Amsterdam,
Netherlands, in 58 seconds. The data was sent via fiber-
optic cables and traveled 6,800 miles. 

2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching
for extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched
from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida. 

2017  smiled.

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Mysterious computer shut-downs 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 6

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Miami Man Arrested For Transporting Over 350 Pounds 
of Marijuana Near Fort Myers
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 6 in
1836 - The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Ana and
his army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men
defeated the 189 Texas volunteers. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. --- Rita Rudner An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. --- Simon Cameron "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits." --- Socratex It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish. --- Aeschylus (525 BC - 456 BC) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Tony, having his second son christened, was much concerned about getting the correct name on the birth certificate. "Will you, please, name the baby just as I give it to you?" "Certainly," answered the minister, "why shouldn't I?" "Well you see, it's like this," replied Tony. "When I told you I wanted to name my first boy Tom, you added "AS" and wrote on his birth certificate 'Thomas.' This boy I want to name Jack." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my pickup." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make? God knows we're in here... and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon answered, "Yeah, but God won't tell my wife." ______________________________________________________ Chinese woodpecker, by James Tsao, China ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Carlos Aguilar, 51, Fort Myers, Florida Miami Man Arrested For Transporting Over 350 Pounds of Marijuana Near Fort Myers A Miami man is behind bars in Southwest Florida after police found him driving a van with over $1 million worth of marijuana inside. According to NBC affiliate WBBH-TV, officers from the Lee County Sheriff’s Office were trying to pull over a van on I- 75 in North Fort Myers for illegal window tint when it took off. The driver later stopped in a wooded area before fleeing the vehicle. Inside, deputies found 11 bags of what they say was freshly harvested marijuana weighing it at 355 pounds. Officers later found the driver, 51-year-old Carlos Aguilar in the woods and arrested him. Aguilar is charged with multiple counts, including drug trafficking and resisting arrest. He remains in custody on a $36,500 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Merv Re: Computer keeps shutting down Dear Webby Hi dear Webby, I had this problem too. My computer kept on shutting down and restarting. I took it to my computer man and he said I had a faulty power supply. He replaced the power supply and I never had the problem again. I hope this helps. Kind regards, Merv. Dear Merv Yes, a bad power supply will cause that too. Because they have a capacitor in there for taming the sine wave from the AC, that is big enough to knock amateurs into next week, they are riveted or spot-welded shut. Luckily they are cheap enough that it is cheaper to replace them than to try and clean the dust bunnies out or to replace the fan inside them. It is quite rare nowadays that a power supply fails. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past a row of empty shopping carts when the middle aged cart-girl standing there called after him, "Excuse me, don't you want a cart?" "Nah," he answered. "I'm only after one thing." As he walked into the store, he heard her murmur, "Typical male!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Berry Overnight Oats By Judy Pariser S. [253 Posts, 1,554 Comments] Breakfast makes itself in the refrigerator overnight! Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: None - chill overnight in refrigerator Total Time: 8 hours Yield: 1 very large serving. It was 2 servings for me. Source: Quaker Website By Judy Pariser S. [253 Posts, 1,554 Comments] Vote for this contest contender! Breakfast makes itself in the refrigerator overnight! An inexpensive and easy recipe, and a great way to recycle any jars you have. Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: None - chill overnight in refrigerator Total Time: 8 hours Yield: 1 very large serving. It was 2 servings for me. Source: Quaker Website Berry Overnight Oats in bowl Ingredients: 1/2 cup regular oats 1/2 cup nonfat milk (I used cashew milk) 1/2 cup nonfat plain Greek yogurt 1 tsp chia seeds (I substituted flax meal) 1 cup fresh berries/fruit (I used frozen-fresh is better) Steps: Add the oats to a jar. Pour in milk. Layer the yogurt, seeds and berries. Chill overnight in the refrigerator. Stir and serve. I added a bit of cinnamon to mine.
Unchained Melody on Pan Flute (beautiful)
____________________________________________________ Thanks to LadyDi for this one: Build me one of these triangles! ___________________________________________________
look inside abandoned cooling towers.
A doctor was vacationing at the seashore with his family. Suddenly, he spotted a fin sticking up in the water and fainted. “Darling, it was just a shark,” said his wife when he came to. “You’ve got to stop imagining that there are lawyers everywhere.”
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 6
1521 Ferdinand Magellan discovered Guam. 

1820 The Missouri Compromise was enacted by the U.S.
Congress and signed by U.S. President James Monroe. The act
admitted Missouri into the Union as a slave state, but
prohibited slavery in the rest of the northern Louisiana
Purchase territory. 

1834 The city of York in Upper Canada was incorporated as

1836 The thirteen-day siege of the Alamo by Santa Ana and
his army ended. The Mexican army of three thousand men
defeated the 189 Texas volunteers. 

1857 The U.S. Supreme Court's Dred Scott decision ruled that
blacks could not sue in federal court to be citizens. 

1899 Aspirin was patented by German researchers Felix
Hoffman and Hermann Dreser. 

1900 In West Virginia, an explosion trapped 50 coal miners

1901 An assassin tried to kill Wilhelm II of Germany in

1907 British creditors of the Dominican Republic claimed
that the U.S. had failed to collect debts. 

1928 A Communist attack on Peking, China resulted in 3,000
dead and 50,000 fled to Swatow. 

1939 In Spain, Jose Miaja took over the Madrid government
after a military coup and vowed to seek "peace with honor." 

1944 During World War II, U.S. heavy bombers began the first
American raid on Berlin. Allied planes dropped 2000 tons of
bombs onto civilians.

1946 Ho Chi Minh, the President of Vietnam, struck an
agreement with France that recognized his country as an
autonomous state within the Indochinese Federation and the
French Union. 

1947 Winston Churchill announced that he opposed British
troop withdrawals from India. 

1947 The first air-conditioned naval ship, "The Newport
News," was launched from Newport News, VA. 

1957 The British African colonies of the Gold Coast and
Togoland became the independent state of Ghana. 

1960 Switzerland granted women the right to vote in
municipal elections. 

1960 The United States announced that it would send 3,500
troops to Vietnam. 

1967 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson announced his plan to
establish a draft lottery. 

1970 Charles Manson released his album "Lies" to finance his
defense against murder charges. 

1973 U.S. President Richard Nixon imposed price controls on
oil and gas. 

1975 Iran and Iraq announced that they had settled their
border dispute. 

1980 Islamic militants in Tehran said that they would turn
over American hostages to the Revolutionary Council. 

1981 U.S. President Reagan announced a plan to cut 37,000
federal jobs. 

1983 The United States Football League began its first
season of pro football competition. 

1985 Yul Brynner played his his 4,500th performance in the
musical "The King and I." 

1987 The British ferry Herald of Free Enterprise capsized in
the Channel off the coast of Belgium. 189 people died. 

1990 The Russian Parliament passed a law that sanctioned the
ownership of private property. 

1991 In Paris, five men were jailed for plotting to smuggle
Libyan arms to the Irish Republican Army. 

1997 A gunman stole "Tete de Femme," a million-dollar
Picasso portrait, from a London gallery. The painting was
recovered a week later. 

1997 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II launched the first
official royal Web site. 

1998 A Connecticut state lottery accountant gunned down
three supervisors and the lottery chief before killing

2017  smiled.

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File explorer question 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 5

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Michigan official arrested for drunk driving blames 
‘damn chicken nuggets’.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 4 in
1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was
enacted in Virginia. 

1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class was
exempted from whipping by legislation.

1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The gods too are fond of a joke. --- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC) "The most unpardonable sin in society is independence of thought." --- Emma Goldman ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?" "How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher. "Forty." she replies. "Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?" "Well, dear, how old is your sister?" "The little girl answers, "Nineteen." "Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant." "The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?" "How old are you, dear? The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old." "No, dear, you can't get pregnant..." Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about playing scrabble." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The veterinarian told Judy that her dog needed a lot more exercise. You need to make sure the dog runs around, the doctor said. Try playing a game of fetch the ball. "I can't play fetch with my dog," Judy said. "Why not?" the doctor asked. "Because," Judy replied, "He can't throw." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeremy Miller, Montcalm County, Michigan Michigan official arrested for drunk driving blames ‘damn chicken nuggets’. The arrest of a newly-elected county commissioner in Michigan for suspected drunk driving is raising eyebrows after police say he blamed chicken nuggets for his arrest. Montcalm County Commissioner Jeremy Miller was initially stopped in the early morning hours of December 18th for speeding. He was later arrested for suspected drunk driving. When the officer asked Miller if he understood why he was being arrested, the officer said Miller responded, "because I was being stupid, those damn chicken nuggets," according to the police report obtained by FOX 17. The arresting officer said he stopped Miller's vehicle after he was clocked driving 58 mph in a 30 mph zone, according to the police report. The location is within sight of Miller's home less than two blocks away. The officer said he smelled alcohol on Miller. When asked if he'd been drinking, Miller responded he didn't know and it had "been a night." Miller couldn't walk in a straight line during his field sobriety test, the officer reported. An initial breathalyzer test was administered at the scene, followed by two blood tests administered roughly an hour later once Miller had been taken to jail. His blood alcohol level was .13, according to the police report, nearly twice the legal limit. Miller answered the door at his home Wednesday afternoon but refused to comment. He is charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated. A bench trial is scheduled at the end of March. Miller was elected to the Montcalm County Commission in Nov. 2016. The county website says he began serving as commissioner for the county's 1st District on Jan. 1, 2017, weeks after his arrest. Among the committees Miller serves on, the county website lists him as an alternative on the Montcalm Substance Abuse Advisory Council. "Jusch gettin shome prattickal eschperiensche." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: rg Re: File Explorer problem Dear Webby i am now running win W7. Before the file explorer let me have a space in the right file list colum to show the pix and play the music and see pix plus file comments now in W7 there is no space and nothing to see how to i get it to show file comments? thanks rg Dear RG Click on the icon titled "Folders". That will show the right side. Then on top you see an icon that illustrates the setup with the preview column. Click that, and you got the preview. When you need more space for the file names, hit that icon again and the preview goes away. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to LadyDi for this one: The lines ARE straight in this Crazy-Quilt
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Making No-Cook Playdoh By StellaBell [188 Posts, 178 Comments] This is a recipe for playdoh that doesn't need to be cooked. It is super easy to throw together. I couldn't find any cream of tartar here in Vietnam, which is needed in playdoh recipes that are cooked. I found this recipe for playdoh that doesn't need to be cooked nor does it need cream of tartar. We had a great time making it as well as playing with it. Supplies: 4 cups flour 1 1/2 cups salt 2 Tbsp oil 1 cup warm water food coloring Steps: When we made this, we divided the ingredients into 4. I don't think this step is necessary, because you can add the food coloring to the dough after it is made. Either way works but upon making the play dough a second time, I preferred adding the color after. Add 1/4 cup of water into four separate bowls. Choose the four colors you would like to make. Then in each bowl, add about 5 drops of food coloring and 1/2 Tbsp of oil. Stir. In a large bowl, mix together the salt and flour. Then put 1 cup of this mixture into each bowl. Mix until all ingredients are well incorporated. Knead it some in the bowl. If it feels too dry, add a little more water. Then, on a floured surface, knead the dough. If after kneading, the dough still feels sticky, knead in a little more flour. The dough should be soft. Now let your imagination soar. Have fun!
Upset little girl poses for camera
____________________________________________________ During a quarrel with his parents, little LeRoy cried, "I want excitement, adventure, money, and beautiful women. I'll never find it here at home, so I'm leaving. Don't try and stop me!" With that, he headed toward the door. His father rose and followed close behind. "Didn't you hear what I said? I don't want you to try and stop me." "Who's trying to stop you?" replied his father. "If you wait a minute, I'll go with you." ___________________________________________________
Winter in Germany.
Overheard in the line-up at the bank: Did you go to college?? No, I drink at home, I couldn't afford the $10,000 dollar cover charge!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 5
1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was
enacted in Virginia. 

1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class was
exempted from whipping by legislation. 

1766 The first Spanish governor of Louisiana, Antonio de
Ulloa, arrived in New Orleans. 

1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops
fired on a crowd in Boston killing five people. Two British
troops were later convicted of manslaughter. 

1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured

1836 Samuel Colt's Patent Arms Manufacturing of Paterson,
New Jersey, was chartered by the New Jersey legislature. 

1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez
invaded Texas for the first time since the revolution. They
briefly occupied San Antonio, but soon headed back to the
Rio Grande. 

1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels
to the western U.S. 

1867 An abortive Fenian uprising against English rule took
place in Ireland. 

1868 The U.S. Senate was organized into a court of
impeachment to decide charges against President Andrew

1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake. Air brakes
were in use, but Westinghouse made them practical with
localized air reservoirs at each rail car or truck trailer.

1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt
revolutionary disturbances. 

1901 Germany and Britain began negotiations with hopes of
creating an alliance. 

1902 In France, the National Congress of Miners decided to
call for a general strike for an 8-hour day. 

1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 40,000
demonstrators were dispersed by troops. 

1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs to
show support for striking transit workers. 

1910 The Moroccan envoy signed the 1909 agreement with

1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for
military purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights
behind Turkish lines west of Tripoli. 

1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd
to Moscow. 

1922 "Annie Oakley" (Phoebe Ann Moses) broke all existing
records for women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100

1923 Old-age pension laws were enacted in the states of
Montana and Nevada. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day
bank holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from
being withdrawn from banks. 

1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German
parliamentary elections. 

1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was

1943 Germany called fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds for
military service due to war losses. 

1946 Winston Churchill delivered his "Iron Curtain Speech". 

1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in
power for 29 years. 

1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation
in public schools. 

1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect
after 43 nations ratified it. 

1976 The British pound fell below the equivalent of $2 for
the first time in history. 

1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right
to display the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas

1984 The U.S. accused Iraq of using poison gas. 

1997 North Korea and South Korea met for first time in 25
years for peace talks. 

1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough
water on the moon to support a human colony and rocket
fueling station. 

1998 It was announced that Air Force Lt. Col. Eileen Collins
would lead crew of Columbia on a mission to launch a large
X-ray telescope. She was the first woman to command a space
shuttle mission. 

2017  smiled.

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Computer keeps shutting down 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 4

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman avoids arrest, 
then is jailed after boasting of attack
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 4 in
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Learning to dislike children at an early age saves a lot of expense and aggravation later in life. --- Robert Byrne It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. --- Tallulah Bankhead Just like in biographies, in many diaries the dates are are often lonely islands of facts. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Nature has many laws that hold fast and true. For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape; likewise, a baby baboon will become an adult baboon. A baby pig will mature into a full grown pig. A baby jackass will always become a jackass. Yet oddly enough, women say a young man may grow-up to be any one or more of these. ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances. One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now our boat is the only urinal for 500 miles around!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Antisha Andrea Brown 23, West Palm Beach Florida Florida woman avoids arrest, then is jailed after boasting of attack A West Palm Beach woman who initially avoided arrest following an alleged attack against a pregnant woman is in the Palm Beach County Jail after she bragged about the assault on social media, according to an arrest report. Antisha Andrea Brown, 23, is facing charges of aggravated battery with a weapon and aggravated battery on a known pregnant woman and is being held without bond. The 19-year-old victim told police that she and another pregnant 19-year-old woman were in a car Dec. 24 when Brown began chasing them around Riviera Beach in her own vehicle. At one point, Brown allegedly menaced the victims with a crowbar and pointed a Taser at them, the report said. Brown ended the chase by crashing into the victims’ vehicle, leaving it inoperable. Riviera Beach police chose not to arrest Brown the day of the incident, the report said. That changed when the victim told police that Brown went on social media “boasting” about destroying the victim’s vehicle while adding the crash would make the victim “walk for the holidays,” the report said. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Liz Re: Computer keeps shutting down Dear Webby I have a problem. Every few minutes or so, my comupter shuts down and restarts itself, even if I am in the middle of doing something. It is most annoying, and I am almost ready to toss the thing. Also, I had been using Incredimail but it was causing problems. Since deleting it, I am no longer receiving mail from my cousin in England. He is at I hope you can help. Thanks. Liz Dear Liz That sounds like either -your computer is severely overheating, -or you have one of the Shut-Down viruses. Run a good virus scan like Malwarebytes to rule out the viruses. If the machine won't stay up long enough for that, then you'll have to either clean it yourself or bring it to your friendly neighborhood computer fixer. Desktop computers are easy to clean out. Just open the side panel, vacuum out the dust bunnies, clean the heat sinks and fans with Q-tips and Windex, and close it up again. Laptops require a small Philips screwdriver to open. If that does not help, then you have to bring it to a friend or store, that fixes computers. He can stick an alternate temporary hard drive in there instead of yours, and find out in a minute if the problem is the computer or a virus. If it is the computer, dump it. If the CPU or the motherboard are bad, then they are not worth fixing any more. Just get a brand new computer for less than what some places like Staples charge for trying to fix it. Have FUN! DearWebby
From Oz Neville had been out of work for a long time and when he was offered a job at the council as a garbage collector, he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow from his old neighborhood who answered. Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays," Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya silly idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays." -------- For those of you, who still use garbage bags at the curb, "Wheelie Bins" are big, tall garbage cans with wheels, that are picked up by trucks with hydraulic grippers instead of a crew tossing bags into the truck by hand.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Super Duper De-Greaser By melissa [293 Posts, 425 Comments] Now you finally have something useful you can make with all those annoying little soap slivers. You don't have to throw them out anymore, make an all purpose kitchen cleaner! With a few minutes and virtually no cost, you can have a bottle full of de-greaser ready to go. Re-duce, re-use, go green! :) Total Time: 20 minutes Yield: 22 ounces Source: Modified from an idea in a book called Make It Supplies: 1/4 cup finely chopped soap slivers 1 Tbsp borax 2 3/4 cup water empty spray bottle funnel Steps: As you can see, I opted for intact fingers and chose to chop the soap with a knife. The pieces are just too small. :) Add 1 cup of water to a pot. Add your soap. Stir continuously with a fork or whisk over medium/high heat until soap is dissolved. This should take about 5 minutes. Soap soup, smells really clean! Add this mixture to your bottle. Add the borax. Add remaining 1 3/4 cups water. Replace top and gently tilt back and forth to combine. Make a new label so you know what it is. :) All set! Great for grimy stoves, oven hoods, microwaves, etc.
Lunch room Etiquette
____________________________________________________ A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, stood up. The teacher said, ", do you really think you're stupid?" "No, ma'am", said, "but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" ___________________________________________________
A guy who turned his graffiti into art.
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 4
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA. 

1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William
Penn for an area that later became the state of

1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which
had caused bitter and violent opposition in the U.S.

1778 The Continental Congress voted to ratify the Treaty of
Amity and Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance. The two
treaties were the first entered into by the U.S. government.

1789 The first Congress of the United States met in New York
and declared that the U.S. Constitution was in effect. 

1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin.
The French garrison evacuated the city without a fight. 

1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was
the Granite Railway in Quincy, MA. 

1837 The state of Illinois granted a city charter to

1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the "Stars
and Bars" flag. 

1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone. 

1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when the
"Daily Graphic" was published in New York City. 

1902 The American Automobile Association was founded in

1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the
Manchurian border as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced. 

1908 The New York board of education banned the act of
whipping students in school. 

1908 France notified signatories of Algeciras that it would
send troops to Chaouia, Morocco. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt gave his inauguration
speech in which he said "We have nothing to fear, but fear

1942 "Junior Miss" starring Shirley Temple aired on CBS
radio for the first time. 

1947 France and Britain signed an alliance treaty. 

1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier,"
the first seagoing radio broadcasting station. 

1952 Ronald Reagan and Nancy Davis were married. 

1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the
first successful kidney transplant. 

1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin. 

1991 Sheik Saad al-Jaber al-Sabah, the prime minister of
Kuwait, returned to his country for the first time since
Iraq's invasion. 

1994 Bosnia's Croats and Moslems signed an agreement to form
a federation in a loose economic union with Croatia. 

1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human

1998 Microsoft repaired software that apparently allowed
hackers to shut down computers in government and university
offices nationwide. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned on-
the-job sexual harassment even when both parties are the
same sex. 

1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S.
President Clinton went on sale in the U.S. 

2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted
government-funded scientists to use embryos left over from
fertility treatment or abortions. 

2012 Vladimir Putin won re-election in Russia's presidential

2017  smiled.

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Voice volume on VOIP 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 3
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh man arrested for repeatedly stealing 
neighbor's underwear from her garage.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 3 in
1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville
to New Orleans was opened.  
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Patriotism is often an arbitrary veneration of real estate above principles. --- George Jean Nathan (1882 - 1958) Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. --- Robert Frost If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane. --- Jimmy Buffett ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Although born to a Catholic family, Chester had always wanted to be Jewish. As a senior in college, he decided to take the plunge and go through the formal conversion process. He studied Judaism all semester. Finally, he felt he was ready to take the test and complete the conversion. On the appointed day, he arrived at the Rabbi's office, ready to begin. The Rabbi said, "I'm sorry, but before I give you the test, I must discuss my fee, It's $5,000." "$5,000!" exclaimed Chester, "That's too much money! How about $500?" "Congratulations, you pass." said the Rabbi. ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Driving to a new restaurant, Judy took several wrong turns. When she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, "Why didn't you tell me I was lost?" "I thought you knew where you were going," he replied. "You always know where we're going when I'm driving." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicolas Rojas, 54, Jacksonville, Florida Jacksonville man arrested for repeatedly stealing neighbor's underwear from garage A Jacksonville man was arrested after he allegedly stole his neighbor's underwear out of her garage several times. The woman told police that she saw surveillance video showing 56-year-old Nicolas Rojas entering her garage and stealing her underwear. She told officers she decided to confront him when she saw him inside her garage for the third time on Monday. She opened the door to the garage while Rojas was still inside. She told officers Rojas asked her if she had any lemons. She told him she did not, and he left. The woman told police she went to his house to ask him why he took her underwear. She said he admitted he took it but did not give it back. He later came to her house and apologized, she said. She told police she thought he was armed when he came over to apologize. Her husband called police after she told him what happened. Because the victim thought he was armed and his criminal history, officers surrounded his home and used a loud speaker to order him out of the house. Rojas' son came home and told officers his father didn't have any weapons and was passed out drunk. He got Rojas to come outside, where he was arrested. The repoort did not state why she kept underwear in an unlocked garage. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kevin Re: voice volume on VOIP Dear Webby I have had Voice Over IP for my phone for almost a year and have been reasonably happy with it. Lately I noticed that with some people I have a rela problem hearing them. Not all, but especially with sales people the volume seems to be really low. Is that due to VOIP ? Thanks Kevin Dear Kevin Since you can hear some people normally, the problem is most likely just lazy people using a speakerphone and not talking directly at it. VOIP problems due to the ISP chopping the line into too many calls per wire result in warbling, not reduced volume. When that happens calls frequently start out not too bad but then deteriorate. Or if you use Skype and do a video call, it starts out with crisp and clear voice and picture and after a couple of minutes the voice is noticeably chopped and the piccture deteriorates. If that is the case, complain to the ISP. However, if the caller's volume is too low, then the problem is some lazy ass using a speakerphone or desk microphone or laptop built in microphone and not talking directly at it. I just tell them to send me an email. I have no patience for people who are too busy doing other stuff and can't point their face at the microphone. Have FUN! DearWebby
It is said that when you tell an Englishman a joke, he will laugh three times. First - when you tell it, to be polite. Second - when you explain it, to be polite. And third - in the middle of the night when he wakes up and finally gets it. When you tell an Irishman the same joke, he will laugh twice. First - when you tell it, to be polite, even if he was the one who told you the joke last week. And second - when he tells it to you again next week.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Removing Burnt Oil From a Frying Pan By lalala... [795 Posts, 103 Comments] I forgot to remove my pan from the burner after frying taco shells, causing the oil to burn onto the pan. Total Time: 10 minutes Supplies: 1 Tbsp Dawn dish soap water Steps: Add Dawn dish soap to the pan. Fill the pan about halfway with water. Put the pan on the stove and boil for about 5 minutes. Be sure to set a timer. Using a metal spatula, carefully scrap away as much of the oil as possible. NOTE: Do not use a metal spatula on a non- stick pan. Empty the soap water into the sink. Then scrub with a sponge to remove any remaining oil.
Lunch room Etiquette
____________________________________________________ >From Brent Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we decided to call the customer support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more. "Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?" "Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?" ___________________________________________________
Glass making has always fascinated me.
The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the blind farmer in the back. The farmer turned very quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw him to the ground with a thump that left it breathless. "Goodness!" said the neighbor, "I never knew you were so strong." "I owe it all to faith," said the blind farmer. "And if I could have got that fella off the handlebars of his bike, I'd have thrashed him good and properly."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 3
1791 The U.S. Congress passed a resolution that created the
U.S. Mint. 

1803 The first impeachment trial of a U.S. Judge, John
Pickering, began. 

1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill. 

1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to
New Orleans was opened. 

1845 Florida became the 27th U.S. state. 

1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a U.S.
President’s veto. It was the first time the Congress had
achieved this. 

1845 An Act of Congress established uniform postal rates
throughout the nation. The act went into effect on July 1,

1849 The Gold Coinage Act was passed by the U.S. Congress.
It allowed the minting of gold coins. 

1851 The U.S. Congress authorized the 3-cent piece. It was
the smallest U.S. silver coin. 

1857 Britain and France declared war on China. 

1863 Free city delivery of mail was authorized by the U.S.
Postal Service. 

1875 The U.S. Congress authorized the 20-cent piece. It was
only used for 3 years. 

1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San
Stenafano. The treaty granted independence to Romania,
Serbia, Montenegro, and the autonomy of Bulgaria. 

1885 The American Telephone and Telegraph (AT&T) was
incorporated in New York as a subsidiary of the American
Bell Telephone Company. 

1885 The U.S. Post Office began offering special delivery
for first-class mail. 

1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work. 

1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants. 

1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a
political document with Thomas Edison's cylinder. 

1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly. 

1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with

1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S.

1909 Aviators Herring, Curtiss and Bishop announced that
airplanes would be made commercially in the U.S. 

1910 In New York, Robert Forest founded the National Housing
Association to fight deteriorating urban living conditions. 

1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and
resorted to guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S.

1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany,
Austria and Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation
in World War I. 

1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott
Key, was adopted as the American national anthem. The song
was originally a poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry." 

1939 In Bombay, Ghandi began a fast to protest the state's
autocratic rule. 

1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria. 

1945 Superman encountered Batman and Robin for the first
time on the Mutual Broadcasting System. 

1945 At the end of World War II, Finland changed sides and
declared war on the Axis. Originally they had asked Germany
to help them holding off the Russians, but by March  1945 it
was obvious who would win WWII, and they were persuaded to
change to the winning side. 

1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law
that banned Communist teachers in the U.S. 

1956 Morocco gained its independence. 

1959 The San Francisco Giants had their new stadium
officially named Candlestick Park. 

1969 Apollo 9 was launched by NASA to test a lunar module. 

1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he
killed Robert Kennedy. 

1972 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecrafte was launched. 

1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War

1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10
crashed just after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris. 

1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his
grave in Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was
recovered 11 weeks later near Lake Geneva. 

1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels
final voyage had ended on May 26, 1979. 

1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to
Huggies Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for
diapers had "crossed the line between eye-catching and

1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of
$30 million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras. 

1991 25 people were killed when a United Airlines Boeing
737-200 crashed while on approach to the Colorado Springs

1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police
officers. The scene was captured on amateur video.

1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with
the Chiapas rebels. 

1995 A U.N. peacekeeping mission in Somalia ended. Several
gunmen were killed by U.S. Marines in Mogadishu while
overseeing the pull out of peacekeepers. 

1999 In Egypt, 19 people were killed when a bus plunged into
a Nile canal. 

2017  smiled.

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Royal Bank of Canada "review" 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 2

Hotmail seems to have been down when I sent the Wednesday
issue out. The bounces rattled in like machine gun fire for
a while. Well, Microsoft has been telling people for seven
years that Hotmail is finished, no longer supported, and
that they should get some other email. 

One of these days a routine hotmail malfunction
is going to be the last one, and  they wont fix it again.
This might not be the final malfunction, since
had trouble too, but if you have a address, I
would strongly advise that you get yourself a different
address as soon as possible.

There are two ways to deal with that:
1) You can set your hotmail address to automatically forward
to the new address. 
The disadvantage is that spam will follow you there.

2) Put an autoresponder onto the hotmail address to tell
people you have moved to or or wherever.

Spammers send from faked addresses and cant read replies or
autoresponders, so they get left behind. 
The disadvantage is that some whiners will whine that they
have to change your address in their address book. 
They will get over it.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Orange County traffic shooter charged with attempted murder
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 2 in
1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an ad
interim government was formed. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A short saying oft contains much wisdom. --- Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ My friend Eric, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store (near the cash registers), when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run away. After a roundhouse swing that connected with a solid thud, Eric slammed him against the wall pinned him there. When he looked up, he saw a number of surprised and concerned customers staring at him. "Everything's fine, Folks," he reassured them. "This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than ten items. The cops will pick him up as soon as they can get here." I have a hunch those people will count their items VERY carefully in the future. ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Carol In 1856, Heinrich Heine, the German poet, left everything to his wife on the condition that she remarried "so that there will be at least one man to regret my death." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jose Tirado, 28, Orange County, Florida Orange County traffic shooter charged with attempted murder Orange County deputies said a passerby helped them get results and arrest a suspect in connection to what they are calling a possible road-rage incident that happened Thursday morning. Deputies arrested Jose Tirado, 28. He is facing several charges, including first-degree attempted murder and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon. The sheriffs office said Tirado shot at another man while driving along Alafaya Trail near Golfway Boulevard. Deputies found bullet holes on the victims car. They said he was not hurt. A passerby saw what happened and wrote down Tirados tag number when he drove off. The passerby called the sheriffs office and gave them the information. They used the tag number to track Tirado down and located him at his home, where they arrested him. The sheriffs office is crediting the passerbys quick actions and for helping them get results. Its unclear if Tirado and the victim knew each other. Deputies havent released any information on a motive. The sheriffs office told News 6 that more details will become available once the report is released. Tirado is booked in the Orange County jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Edith Re: Royal Bank review Dear Webby I got an email claiming to be from the Royal Bank, that my account was frozen and required action. It had scary stuff like this: Please click the link below to reset your password. Verify Note: If within 48 hours access to members area will not be changed, we will be forced to suspend Your account for a long time for the proceedings. That sounded a bit hopey to me. Looking at the source with Eudora, I saw: From: "Royal Bank RBC" And the Verify link went to Was that legit or phony? Edith Dear Edith That is as phony as a $3 bill. Anything with a domain name ending in .review is phony. The REAL Royal bank is at Just like, they got a real .com domain. That part "suspend Your account for a long time for the proceedings" is actually quite funny and sounds like it was written by a Nigerian, definitely not the authoritative style used by the Royal Bank. Don't click on that link, not even to fill out the forms with your mayor's name and address. Clicking on it might call a virus into your machine. Just dump that email, and dump the trash. Have FUN! DearWebby
and a friend were walking through the woods with a large Salmon under each arm when they met Michael and Donald. "Hey there's some wonderful salmon, where did you get them?" "Don't tell anyone," replied , we poached them out of the river." "How did you do that?" asked Donal "Well, Fred here dangles over the bridge, I hang on to his legs and when the salmon leap out of the water on their way upstream, he just catches them." "We'll try that Michael me boy." says Donald They get to the bridge and Donald hangs Michael over the edge of the bridge by his legs. After about twenty minutes Michael screams... "Quick pull me up, pull me up!" "Have you got a salmon?" asks Donal, "No," replies Michael "but there's a train coming."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Orecchiette with Cherry Tomatoes By 15mhhm15 [20 Posts, 4 Comments] Prep Time: 5 Cook Time: 10 Ingredients: 1/2 lb orecchiette pasta 2 Tbsp olive oil 1 Package cherry tomatoes 5 Tbsp basil pesto 5 Pieces Babybel mozzarella cheese Steps: Boil water in a pot, add a pinch of salt so the water boils faster and evenly. Add pasta and cook for 6 to 9 minutes or when pasta is ready. Drain the water and set pasta aside. Get a pan and drizzle the olive oil on the pan to sauté cherry tomatoes. Add pasta, basil pesto and stir around for a minute. Once off the heat, add mozzarella of your choice and its ready to serve. You can garnish with fresh basil, or black pepper on top if you would like. If you buy your pasta in bulk, orechiette is called "Small Shells". I usually sautee some chopped onions and bacon instead of the cherry tomatoes, and add ice cold, halved cherry tomatoes onto the top. Makes a nice taste contrast! Instead of basil pesto you can use parsley or cilantro, or for a nice change, oregano. Type of cheese is not critical at all. When I was a kid we used to get Emmental cheese with a hard rind. Dad used to cut the rind off and put it into a mason jar. Mom ground those rinds and that was the cheese added to pasta dishes like this one. Have FUN! DearWebby
Cricket Chorus
____________________________________________________ Dentist to Patient: (begging) " Would you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?" Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 5 o'clock football game. ___________________________________________________
50 Rare Photos from History You've Likely Never Seen Before
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad." Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well." Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible of the girls must be dying. Let's pray fer her!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 2

1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the
importation of slaves into any port or place within the
jurisdiction of the United States... from any foreign
kingdom, place, or country." 

1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an ad
interim government was formed. 

1861 The U.S. Congress created the Territory of Nevada. 

1866 Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine

1877 In the U.S., Rutherford B. Hayes was declared the
winner of the 1876 presidential election by the U.S.
Congress. Samuel J. Tilden, however, had won the popular
vote on November 7, 1876. 

1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation that would
have required a literacy test for immigrants entering the

1899 Mount Rainier National Park in Washington was
established by the U.S. Congress. 

1899 U.S. President McKinley signed a measure that created
the rank of Admiral for the U.S. Navy. The first admiral was
George Dewey. 

1900 The U.S. Congress voted to give $2 million in aid to
Puerto Rico. 

1901 The first telegraph company in Hawaii opened. 

1901 The U.S. Congress passed the Platt amendment, which
limited Cuban autonomy as a condition for withdrawal of U.S.

1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in New
York City. The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first hotel
exclusively for women. 

1906 A tornado in Mississippi killed 33 and did $5 million
in damage. 

1907 In Hamburg, Germany, dock workers went on strike after
the end of the night shift. British strike breakers were
brought in. The issue was settled on April 22, 1907. 

1908 In New York, the Committee of the Russian Republican
Administration was founded. 

1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional
color photography at the Academy of Sciences. 

1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II

1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship
with the enactment of the Jones Act. 

1925 State and federal highway officials developed a
nationwide route-numbering system and adopted the familiar
U.S. shield-shaped, numbered marker. 

1929 The U.S. Court of Customs & Patent Appeals was created
by the U.S. Congress. 

1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere in
New York. 

1939 The Massachusetts legislature voted to ratify the Bill
of Rights to the U.S. Constitution. These first ten
amendments had gone into effect 147 years before. 

1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam. 

1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in Fort
Worth, TX. The American plane had completed the first non-
stop around-the-world flight. 

1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde
made its first test flight. 

1984 The first McDonald's franchise was closed. A new
location was opened across the street from the old location
in Des Plaines, IL. 

1985 The U.S. government approved a screening test for AIDS
that detected antibodies to the virus that allowed possibly
contaminated blood to be kept out of the blood supply. 

1986 Corazon Aquino was sworn into office as president of
the Philippines. Her first public declaration was to restore
the civil rights of the citizens of her country. 

1987 The U.S. government reported that the median price for
a new home had gone over $100,000 for the first time. 

1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations
all agreed to ban all production of CFCs
(chlorofluorocarbons) by the end of the 20th century. 

1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev
was killed by a gunman in Moscow. 

1995 Nick Leeson was arrested for his role in the collapse
of Britain's Barings Bank. 

1998 The U.N. Security Council endorsed U.N. chief Kofi
Annan's deal to open Iraq's presidential palaces to arms

1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated
that the Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source
of interior heat. 

2000 In Great Britain, Chile's former President Augusto
Pinochet Ugarte was freed from house arrest and allowed to
return to Chile. Britain's Home Secretary Jack Straw had
concluded that Pinochet was mentally and physically unable
to stand trial. Belgium, France, Spain and Switzerland had
sought the former Chilean leader on human-rights violations.

2003 Over the Sea of Japan, there was a confrontation
between four armed North Korean fighter jets and a U.S. RC-
135S Cobra Ball. No shots were fired in the encounter in
international airspace about 150 miles off North Korea's
coast. The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume
reconnaissance flights on March 12. 

2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had
discovered evidence that water had existed on Mars in the

2011 Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's iPad 2.

2017  smiled.

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How to find your CPU speed 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 1

Thanks to Rita for this link to the 1960 hit song about the
native couple at Lake Stupid in yesterdays Humor Letter:

I just realized that six years ago on February 28 I stopped
smoking, and on February 28 I had total heart failure.
Rockyview hospital totally misdiagnosed it, prescribed a ton
of medication for COPD, penumonia, and all kinds of weird
stuff, and sent me home at 8PM.

I did not believe them. None of that stuff happens all of a
sudden while standing at a counter at the bank.
So I got Barb, who was still my secretary then, to drive me
to the local hospital. There an older doctor, who acted more
like a country vet and instantly got my respect, didnèt
believe the diagnosis of the big Rockyview hospital either. 
He injected me with some lasix, the stuff they give race
horses to make them dump any urin, that might be showing

Well, in an hour I filled 5 gallon jugs. So the good doctor
said: You donèt have COPD. You are just an ornery old coot
refusing to die from heart failure. Dont worry, we can fix
your heart.

So he got the EMTs to strap me to a bright yellow fiberglass
high tech gourney, scoot me out to a waiting ambulance and
bring me to Foothills hospital. There they injected me with
some radioactive stuff and made a movie of the blood flow,
while they stood well back.

You got total heart failure and the heart is pumping into
your lungs instead of out of them. We can fix that. Do you
want it fixed now or do you want to think about it?

Dumb question! Fix it!

So they came with a bunch of papers. I was too far gone to
be able to read any of the stuff on it, but I assumed it was
promising not to sue them if I croaked during the

The cute nurse helpfully pointed to a spot, where I was
supposed to sign.


If they can ask dumb questions, I can give dumb replies.
Then she asked me who to contact if something went wrong.
Now THAT is a really dumb question to ask the publisher of
the worlds best Humor Letter.

A good doctor.

After that she gave up on the dumb questions and they got
busy installing a bunch of stents. One assistant clad like a
nuclear powerplant repairman shoved something that looked
like a flexible shaft carving tool into my thigh, and some
guy about 30 feet away and ten feet up in a heavy lead glass
control room operated the flexible shaft, directed it to
exactly where the blockages were, bulldozed them clear and
installed stents.
It was not painful at all, and interesting to watch.
Then she pulled out the flexible shaft operating center 
and put her fist and her weight onto the hole where that
flex had been.

My heart started working right and so of course I told her
that even with all that nuclear armor she was still looking
great and thanked her for fixing my heart. 

After that they brought me to Rockyview, where they pumped
me so full of Lasix that my heels and foot corners split, to
help empty the lungs of fluid. They should have done that
when I first got there, and they were trying to make up for
The next day Barb brought me my laptop, but the sniveling
ninnies there did not give me the WiFi password until two
days later. Two days after that they let me go home.

I still had to remain upright and sleep on the couch,
because there was still blood in the lungs and not enough
room for air, but that got better soon. Dianne, who at that
time was sending the daily link, sent me a simple pedal
exercise machine, and after a week I was going for the daily
walks, that I SHOULD have been going on all along.

You better go on some walks too! Go do the sampling at
Costco, or go to Walmart taking pictures of Walmartians, or
whatever. But go onto some walks. 

Noella got a treadmill and got Netflix set up on a spare
monitor in front of it. With a good movie she can walk 15

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Fort Myers burglar got tenderized by home owner
Details at  Boneheads
Today, March 1 in
1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his way to India. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. --- Mae West "Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use." --- Wendell Johnson Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack. --- Richter cartoon caption Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. --- Thomas Jones (1892 - 1969) ---------- so I noticed! But slowly, one by one, I am outliving them. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Wendy: A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?" A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work. A Captain said it was 50%-50%. A Lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time. There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in charge of making the coffee and asked for his opinion. Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure." The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why? "Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them." The room fell silent. God Bless the enlisted man. ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Matt: How can you talk your way out of this one? Jacksonville, FL Police Dept. A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no -- he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Smith is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the police car, with all its lights still flashing. True story, told by the driver at his first AA meeting. ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Josue Ortiz, 35, Fort Myers, Florida Fort Myers burglar got tenderized by home owner Brian Burch is a burglar’s worst nightmare – the Florida homeowner is not just a large, powerful man, but he also happens to be skilled in the martial art of Brazilian jiu- jitsu. Josue Ortiz chose the wrong house to break into Tuesday, Lee County deputies told WBBH. Ortiz allegedly saw the door to Burch’s garage left open and slipped in, lifting multiple tools and loading them into his vehicle. Burch said he went outside after hearing a noise and confronted Ortiz, who he said was holding his jackhammer and airgun cases. “He told me that the boss sent him over here to pick up tools to finish a job,” Burch recalled Ortiz saying. When Burch started questioning his explanation, Ortiz tried to take off running, but failed to slip out of the jiu-jitsu student’s grasp. “Once we got to the ground, he started pushing and fighting me, and I hit him one time,” Burch said. “If the kids had been here, I probably would have been even angrier.” Ortiz suffered a broken nose, swollen lip and black eye in the altercation, according to WBBH. A neighbor called 911, and Burch held Ortiz on the ground until authorities arrived. Deputies arrested Ortiz on charges of burglary and grand theft and booked him into Lee County jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: CPU speed Dear Webby I need to know the basic CPU speed of my computer. Thanks Bill Dear Bill Just download the Belarc Advisor from .html It will do a complete inventory of what is in your machine and make a nice, printable report. It is a very good idea to print that out before bringing the machine to repair places, and also for insurance purposes. That report lists EVERYTHING. Not just CPU, but even graphics and sound. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to LadyDi for this story: SUNDAY SCHOOL Nine year was asked by his mother what had been taught in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, , is that really what your teacher told you?" the mother asked. "Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Irish Potato Chocolate Cake By Julia [10 Posts, 1 Comment] A super-moist delicious chocolate cake that will make you want to keep one on the cake plate all the time. Note the use of Self-Rising Flour in this recipe. Ingredients: 1 1/2 cups self-rising flour 2/3 cup caster (fine) sugar 4 level Tbsp. cocoa 1/2 tsp. salt 1/3 cup cooked mashed potato 1/2 cup plus 2 Tbsp. butter 4 Tbsp. milk* 2 eggs *Note: I have often substituted Bailey's Irish Creme for the milk with delightful results. Directions: Cream the butter and sugar with the mashed potato, then add the cocoa. Add the beaten eggs, alternately with the flour and the salt. Finally pour in the milk, mixing well, to make a soft dough. Well grease two 8 inch cake pans and divide batter equally between them. Bake at 350 degrees F oven for 25-30 minutes. The top will be springy to the touch when done. Cool for a few minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack. Frost with whipped cream or desired frosting. To make this cake a truly decadent chocolate dessert, frost with fudge frosting using Bailey's Irish Creme, cocoa and 10X confectioner's sugar. If you choose to use whipped cream, you can add the Bailey's Irish Cream to the heavy cream when you're beating it. Reduce any sugar and add no extra flavoring to the whipped cream. Servings: 12 Time: 30 Minutes Preparation Time 30 Minutes Cooking Time Source: My friend Linda who is from northern Ireland. By Julia (pookarina) from Boca Raton, FL
Cricket Chorus
____________________________________________________ It was very crowded at the supermarket, and the customer in front of me had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk lifted the final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the contents crashing to the floor. "They just don't make these bags like they used to," the clerk blurted to the customer. "That was supposed to happen in your driveway!" ___________________________________________________
Girls are awesome!
On the way to the bakery I saw some kids playing "Wedding". The bride's gown was a yellow shower curtain, gathered at the waist with a piece of red garden hose, and the curtain trailing way behind her. Her veil was mosquito netting, topped by a blue cop car bubble as a tiara. The groom was attired in a grey lab coat with a charcoal black piece of truck tire innertube as a wide cummerbund belt. His coat trailed a bit too, but did not quite hide the fact that instead of to a traditional ball and chain, his leg was chained to a tricycle. The mother-in-law carried the traditional rolling pin but the father-in-law had a plastic space ray look water gun instead of the traditional shotgun. The preacher was wearing a white bath robe backwards and a trucker style cap, also backwards. Just as I was walking past them, I heard the preacher sing out: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be held against you, forever and ever. If you want to kiss the bride, you better have an attorney present."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on March 1

1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his
way to India. 

1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000
Huguenots. The event started the First War of Religion. 

1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the
Salem witch trials began. Four women were the first to be

1781 In America, the Continental Congress adopted the
Articles of Confederation. 

1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first Brutish
cooking school. 

1790 The U.S. Congress authorized the first U.S. census. 

1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an
Ombudsman, Lars August Mannerheim. 

1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of
the Mameluke dynasty. 

1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. He
had been forced to abdicate in April of 1814. 

1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy. 

1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of
Yellowstone National Park. It was the world's first national

1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the
manufacturing the first practical typewriter. 

1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the
forces of Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. The
Italians were defeated. 

1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews
left due to evacuations. 

1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages. 

1907 In New York, the Salvation Army opened an anti-suicide

1911 Industrialist Henry Frick acquired Velasquez's
"Portrait of King Philip IV." 

1911 Jose Ordonez was elected President of Uraguay. 

1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump from
a moving airplane. 

1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank. 

1932 The 22-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh was
kidnapped. The child was found dead in May. 

1937 U.S. Steel raised workers’ wages to $5 a day. 

1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile license
plates were issued. 

1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station W47NV
began operations. 

1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the
Tripartite Pact. 

1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations. 

1947 Chinese Premier T.V. Soong resigned. 

1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic secrets
to the Soviet Union. 

1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a
hydrogen bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean.

1954 Five U.S. congressmen were wounded when four Puerto
Rican nationalists opened fire from the gallery of the U.S.
House of Representatives. 

1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile. 

1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President

1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus.
It was the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the surface
of another planet. 

1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese
technicians to leave the country. 

1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of the
U.S. Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group
protesting the Vietnam War claimed responsibility. 

1974 Seven people were indicted in connection with the
Watergate break-in. The charge was conspiring to obstruct

1983 The New Jersey Transit strike began. It ended April 2. 

1984 The U.S.S.R. performed a nuclear test at Eastern
Kazakhstan, Semipalatinsk, U.S.S.R. 

1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic
riots between Armenians and Azerbaijanis. 

1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council
imposed a curfew on minors. 

1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a
majority of the Moslem and Croatian communities voted in
favor of Bosnia's independence. 

1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political
reforms that ceded some powers after 10 years of disciplined

1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from

1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of food
stamp recipients had reached a record number of 26.6

1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort
to placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre. 

1995 The European Parliament rejected legislation that would
have allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life

1995 Yahoo! was incorporated. 

1996 In Kuala, Lumpur, construction was completed for the
Petronas Towers. 

1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four
other bombs went off in the capital. 

1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by
Hutu rebels. 

1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to
circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They
succeeded on March 20, 1999. 

2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied
forces were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters.

2003 In New York, a $250,000 Salvador Dali sketch was stolen
from a display case in the lobby at Rikers Island jail. On
June 17, 2003, it was announced that four corrections
officers had surrendered and pled innocent in connection to
the theft. The mixed-media composition was a sketch of the

2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22
different organizations around the government became part of
the Department of Homeland Security. This completed the
largest government reorganization since the beginning of the
Cold War. 

2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and
Pakistani agents near Islamabad. He was the suspected
mastermind behind the terrorist attacks on the United States
on September 11, 2001. 
2017  smiled.

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Not receiving newsletters on ATT, Yahoo 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, February 28

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Amarillo National Bank robbery suspect arrested
Details at  Boneheads
Today, February 28 in
1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn
arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS
California had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The
trip took 4 months and 21 days. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The man who lets himself be bored is even more contemptible than the bore. --- Samuel Butler (1835 - 1902) Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. --- Robert Heinlein ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Wendy The Oldest Computer The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. Surprise, surprise !! It was an Apple. But with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. Then everything crashed! ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Wendy A union boss walks into a bar next door to the factory and is about to order a drink, when he sees a guy close by wearing a TRUMP for President button, and two beers in front of him. He does not have to be an Einstein, to know that this guy, is a Republican. So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that everyone can hear, 'Drinks for everyone in here, bartender, but not for the Republican.' Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him then says, 'Thank you!' in an equally loud voice. This infuriates the union boss. The union boss once again loudly orders drinks for everyone except the Republican. As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, 'Thank you!' The union boss once again, loudly orders drinks for, everyone except the Republican. As before, this doesn't seem to bother the Republican. He continues to smile, and again yells, 'Thank you!' The union boss asks the bartender, 'What the hell is the matter, with that Republican? I have ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in the bar but him, and all the silly ass does, is smile and thanks me. Is he nuts?' 'Nope,' replies the bartender. 'He owns the place.' ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lashondra Deniece Sandoval-Martin, 31, Amarillo, Texas Amarillo National Bank robbery suspect arrested Police have identified the suspect who attempted to rob Amarillo National Bank's North Branch location. Lashondra Deniece Sandoval-Martin, 31, entered the bank, located at 712 North Taylor St., around 2:30 p.m. on Feb. 21, stating that she was going to commit a robbery. Immediately after that, a male bank employee entered the room. When the female suspect turned toward the male, her "weapon," a large water gun, made contact with him accidentally. He realized it was not a real gun and tried to detain or control the suspect. Sandoval-Martin resisted and broke away, letting the plastic water gun clattering to the floor as she fled back out the front door. She was detained as she tried to enter a pickup. When police arrived, officers saw a female matching the description of the robbery suspect approaching or getting into a white Dodge flatbed style pickup that was parked in front of the bank and took her into custody. Officers learned that the white Dodge pickup had just been stolen from a business on Amarillo Boulevard East a few minutes earlier. An employee of the company that owns the Dodge had left it running or left the keys in the vehicle, which allowed the suspect to take it and use it in this robbery. She was booked into the Potter County Detention Center for aggravated robbery and unauthorized use of a motor vehicle. The driver of the Dodge has not been charged. I wonder who DeAunt was, who gave Lashondra DeNiece her middle name! ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: not receiving your daily site Dear Webby I am not receiving your site in my email.i have done everything you taught,s not in the block sender list,I contacted my isp,I canceled and reinstalled.i can get it on the net but that’s all.any clue? daniel Dear Daniel You have not done any of that. Your address is still on the same spot in the list. If you had unsubscribed and subscribed again, your address would be at the bottom. However, even if Yahoo had allowed you to confirm a new subscription, it would not have made any difference. As I have told you over a dozen times, the problem is at Yahoo. is just Yahoo for those, who are embarrassed by a Yahoo address. Behind the fake front, the email is still Yahoo. There is nothing I can do about Yahoo. I have told you at least a dozen times to get a respectable and reliable address on the side, like a Gmail address, and to subscribe with that. Have FUN! DearWebby
> From Dianne: When I was a child my family used to sometimes take our vacations in British Columbia. We had a favorite place to visit, mostly because of the fine fishing. It was at a Lake that was about 30 miles long and a 1/2 mile wide. While we were around our campfire in the evening the local Indians would go from camp to camp selling their wares. They would also tell of the legends of the area. This one legend always stuck in my mind. It seemed that on this particular Lake two Indian Tribes made their homes. They were, however, at war with one another from years before. There was an Indian maiden in one camp who was in love with a young brave in the other camp. They used to stand, on the shore, each on their respective side of the lake, and chant Indian love calls to each other... even though they were warned by their chiefs that nothing could ever come of it. One day they just could not stand being apart any longer. That evening, on a cold spring night, they each jumped into the lake and swam towards each other in the moonlight. When they reached each other in the center of the lake, they embraced and got a bit carried away. They lost track of time, got hypothermia and drowned. This act so impressed the brave's tribe that they named the lake after the young man. I will never forget those wonderful vacations that we spent at "Lake Stupid".
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Stovetop Potato Leek Soup By lalala... [795 Posts, 103 Comments] This easy to make potato leek soup is the perfect chilly weather meal! Prep Time: 25 min Cook Time: 1 hr 15 min Total Time: 1 hr 40 min Yield: 6 Source: Food Network (Alton Brown recipe) Ingredients: 1 lb leeks (approx. 4-5 medium or 2 large) 3 Tbsp unsalted butter 4-5 small Yukon gold potatoes, peeled and diced small 1 qt vegetable broth 1 cup heavy cream 1 cup buttermilk 1/2 tsp white pepper heavy pinch kosher salt fresh chives Steps: Clean the leeks and remove the dark green portion. Chop leeks into small pieces. Melt the butter in a heavy pot, over medium heat. Add a heavy pinch of salt. Add the leeks and sweat them for 5 minutes. Decrease the heat to medium-low and cook until the leeks are tender (approx. 25 minutes). Stirring occasionally. Wash, peel, and dice the potatoes into small cubes. Add the potatoes and the vegetable broth to the pot. Increase the heat to medium-high and bring to a boil. Then reduce the heat to low, cover, and gently simmer until the potatoes are soft (approx. 45 minutes). Turn off the heat and use an immersion blender to puree the mixture until smooth. Stir in the heavy cream, buttermilk, and white pepper. Add additional seasoning, if desired. Top soup with snipped chives. Enjoy!
How to Replace Your Blinker Fluid
____________________________________________________ A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change some- thing on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.). The Customer Service Rep told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens or the crystal... The bride said, "No, no, keep all that. I just want to change the name of the groom." ___________________________________________________
Here’s where the juice that powers your favorite devices comes from.
A high school senior saw an inspirational advertisement on television about becoming a teacher. She called the number shown: 1-800-45TEACH. After a woman answered, the student babbled on about how she thought she had found her life's calling and could they send her some information. The lady who answered the phone asked the student what number she was calling. The student told her and there was a pause. Then the lady repliedÈ, "You misspelled TEACH."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on February 28
1827 The Baltimore & Ohio Railroad became the first railroad
incorporated for commercial transportation of people and

1844 Several people were killed aboard the USS Princeton
when a 12-inch gun exploded. 

1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn
arrived in San Francisco for the first time. The SS
California had left New York Harbor on October 6, 1848. The
trip took 4 months and 21 days. 

1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About
50 slavery opponents began the new political group. 

1881 Thomas Edison hired Samuel Insull as his private

1883 The first vaudeville theater opened. 

1885 AT&T (American Telephone and Telegraph) was
incorporated. The company was capitalized on only $100,000
and provided long distance service for American Bell. 

1893 Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum. 

1900 In South Africa, British troops relieved Ladysmith,
which had been under siege since November 2, 1899. 

1911 Thomas A. Edison, Inc. was organized. 

1940 The first televised basketball game was shown. The game
featured Fordham University and the University of Pittsburgh
from Madison Square Gardens in New York. 

1951 A Senate committee issued a report that stated that
there were at least two major crime syndicates in the U.S.,
not counting the Senate. 

1953 In a Cambridge University laboratory, scientists James
D. Watson and Francis H.C. Crick discovered the double-helix
structure of DNA. 

1954 In San Francisco "Birth of a Planet" was aired. It was
the first American phase-contrast cinemicrography film to be
presented on television. 

1956 A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory

1962 The John Glenn for President club was formed by a group
of Las Vegas republicans. 

1974 The U.S. and Egypt re-established diplomatic relations
after a break of seven years. 

1979 Mr. Ed, the talking horse from the TV show "Mr. Ed",

1983 "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program in
history when the final episode aired. 

1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palmer was assassinated in

1993 U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed
religious cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest
the leader of the Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on federal
firearms charges. Four agents and six Davidians were killed
and a 51-day standoff followed. 

1994 NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16
fighters shot down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation
of a no-fly zone over central Bosnia. 

1995 The Denver International Airport opened after a 16-
month delay. 

1998 Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out "terrorist
gangs" in the Yugoslav province of Kosovo. 

2001 The Northwest region of the U.S., including the state
of Washington, was hit by an earthquake that measured 6.9 on
the Richter Scale. There were no deaths reported. 

2002 In Ahmadabad, India, Hindus set fire to homes in a
Muslim neighborhood. At least 55 people were killed in the

2002 Sotheby's auction house announced that it had
identified Peter Paul Reubens as the creator of the painting
"The Massacre of the Innocents." The painting was previously
thought to be by Jan van den Hoecke. 

2007 NASA's New Horizons spacecraft made a gravitational
slingshot against Jupiter to change the planned trajectory
towards Pluto. 

2013 Benedict XVI resigned as pope. He was the first pope to
resign since Gregory XII in 1415 and the first to resign
voluntarily since Celestine V in 1294.

2017  smiled.

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Harvesting pictures from PPS 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, February 23

Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs.
That means no email will be answered for 3 days and no
newsletters will be sent out until the Monday issue.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Ex-NYPD shrink pleads guilty to shooting husband 
to be with lover. As former cop gets off easy.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, February 23 in
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. --- Bill Hoest History is the version of past events that people have decided to agree upon. --- Napoleon Bonaparte History is the version of past events that the winners have decided to agree upon. --- Dwight D Eisenhower ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ In a high school science quiz, there was the question, "When water becomes ice, which of its physical properties increases?" Everyone answered, "Its volume increases," except , who wrote, "When water becomes ice, its price increases." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ After church on Sunday morning, suddenly announced to mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to be a minister?" "Well," replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell and get paid for it, than to sit still and yawn and having to fork over my change for it." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Emily Dearden, 48, New York, NY Ex-NYPD shrink pleads guilty to shooting husband to be with lover. As former cop gets off easy. An ex-NYPD shrink pleaded guilty Friday to shooting her husband in the face, allegedly so she could start a new life with her married Texas lover. Emily Dearden, 48, was initially charged with attempted murder in the November 2013 shooting but not until AFTER he filed a civil suit against her, and faced up to 25 years in state prison. But under a negotiated deal, she pleaded guilty in Yonkers City Court to first-degree assault and will get just 3 1/2 years. She remains free on $150,000 bail and will be sentenced June 7. Emily was accused in a lawsuit by her husband, Kenneth, of trying to execute him with an antique derringer because she “had been having an on-and-off extramarital affair since at least early 2011.” She wanted to take him out of the picture to avoid a “contentious divorce,” according to the suit. Her lover, Warren Roudebush, ended his own marriage shortly before the November 2013 shooting and was pressuring Emily to do the same “so that they could be together,” according to the court papers filed in White Plains. “With [Kenneth] no longer in the picture, [Emily] could avoid a contentious divorce, keep the marital home and never admit the marriage infidelity to any family and friends,” the suit says. The bullet that struck Kenneth entered at the back of his neck, near the base of his skull, passed underneath his ear canal and lodged in his left cheek. He underwent surgeries to remove the bullet and to repair a severed artery to his brain. According to Kenneth’s suit, Emily claimed to have been knocked out by an intruder. But cops who responded to Kenneth’s 911 call “seemed skeptical” because there were no signs of forced entry, the home’s burglar alarm wasn’t tripped and the family’s pet Rottweiler didn’t react, the suit says. However, they did not charge her until AFTER he had filed a civil suit agaisnt her. Kenneth, a developer and vice chairman of the Yonkers Downtown/Waterfront Business Improvement District, and Emily have two teenage daughters and shared a colonial-style home on Pondfield Road in a posh section of Yonkers. Emily, who was hired in 2002, was responsible for evaluating potential NYPD hires. She’d been on desk duty since her arrest. On Friday after her conviction, the department suspended her pending a disciplinary hearing to fire her. Later in the day, she resigned. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cindy Re: PPS Dear Webby Please Help I have received a pps document which has the most amazing photos scenes of winter on. Now I would like to open this document so I can copy the files in to my pc so I can use them as wallpaper or even add them to my screen saver. I have searched all over but can only open the application and run it as a pps. I have attached the file so you can view it maybe you can help, as i know you have been able to assist me before with other issues. many thanks. Cindy Dear Cindy There is a free Microsoft PPS viewer, that lets you view it, but it is quite limited in what you can do. I use Libre Office 5 (Similar to Open Office 5). It lets you view and easily copy each picture and then paste it as a new image into the graphics program of your choice. Have FUN! DearWebby
Darling," a husband whispered to his wife late one night, "if I died, would you get married again?" "I suppose so," she replied. "Would you sleep in the same bed with him?" "Well, it's the only bed in the house, so I have no choice." "Would you make love to him?" "Honey," the woman said patiently, "he would be my husband." "Would you give him my car?" "No," she yawned, "He can't drive a stick shift. ... Sheeeet!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Cleaning a Toaster If your toaster is reluctant to accept the toast it's probably because crumbs have built up to point that the bread can no longer be pushed down all the way. Most toasters have a handy trap door on the bottom that allows you to remove any crumbs that have built up. First unplug the toaster. Make sure you open it over a garbage can or outside to avoid getting crumbs everywhere. To get it super clean, you can use some compressed air like you use for cleaning inside of electronic device. Never clean the inside with water. Turning it upside down over your bird feeder pan and giving it percussive maintenance (slapping it around a bit), does the trick too. If you can't take it outside, your vacuum cleaner's crevice tool does an excellent job. Unlike canned air, it does not fire glass hard and sharp old crumbs at your eyes and hair and down the front of your blouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
Prison Flash Mob
____________________________________________________ A swimming instructor at a Los Angeles university was quizzing a group of students on Red Cross life saving and water safety techniques. They answered all of her questions easily until she posed this one: "Which article of clothing would you remove last if you fell from a boat or dock fully clothed?" Everyone mentioned something different. It was evident that no one knew the correct answer, so the instructor helped out. "The blouse," she said, "because the air gets under the blouse and acts like a buoy!" The subsequent uproar ended the class. ___________________________________________________
The most expensive house in the US looks very cold and sterile to me. Not my taste. Click on the web site in blue to see a video of it.
A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through the night, she had already used up one handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that everyone at the table was looking at her. "What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues. She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived".
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on February 23
1574 France began the 5th holy war against the Huguenots. 

1660 Charles XI became the king of Sweden. 

1792 The Humane Society of Massachusetts was incorporated. 

1813 The first U.S. raw cotton-to-cloth mill was founded in
Waltham, MA. 

1821 The Philadelphia College of Apothecaries established the
first pharmacy college. 

1836 In San Antonio, TX, the siege of the Alamo began. 

1847 Santa Anna was defeated at the Battle of Buena Vista in
Mexico by U.S. troops under Gen. Zachary, who attacked during
Siesta hour.

1861 U.S. President-elect Abraham Lincoln arrived secretly in
Washington to take his office after an assassination attempt
in Baltimore. 

1861 Texas became the 7th state to secede from the Union. 

1874 Walter Winfield patented a game called "sphairistike."
More widely known as lawn tennis. 

1875 J. Palisa discovered asteroid #143 (aka Adria). 

1886 Charles M. Hall completed his invention of aluminum. 

1887 The French/Italian Riviera was hit by an earthquake that
killed about 2,000. 

1896 The Tootsie Roll was introduced by Leo Hirshfield. 

1898 In France, Emile Zola was imprisoned for his letter,
"J'accuse," which accused the government of anti-Semitism and
wrongly jailing Alfred Dreyfus. 

1900 The Battle of Hart's Hill took place in South Africa
between the Boers and the British army. 

1904 The U.S. acquired control of the Panama Canal Zone for
$10 million. 

1905 The Rotary Club was founded in Chicago, IL, by Attorney
Paul Harris and three others. 

1910 In Philadelphia, PA, the first radio contest was held. 

1915 Nevada began enforcing convenient divorce law. 

1916 The U.S. Congress authorizes the McKinley Memorial $1
gold coin. 

1919 The Fascist Party was formed in Italy by Benito

1927 The Federal Radio Commission began assigning frequencies,
hours of operation and power allocations for radio
broadcasters. On July 1, 1934 the name was changed to the
Federal Communications Commission (FCC). 

1932 Robert Short became the first American to die in an arial
battle with the Japanese.

1940 Russian troops conquered Lasi Island. 

1940 Walt Disney's animated movie "Pinocchio" was released. 

1945 The 28th Regiment of the Fifth Marine Division of the
U.S. Marines reached the top of Mount Surabachi. A photograph
of the Marines raising the American flag was taken. 

1954 The first mass vaccination of children against polio
began in Pittsburgh, PA. 

1958 Juan Fangio, 5-time world diving champion, was kidnapped
by Cuban rebels. 

1966 The Bitar government in Syria was ended with a military

1970 Guyana became a republic. 

1974 The Symbionese Liberation Army demanded $4 million more
for the release of Patty Hearst. Hearst had been kidnapped on
February 4th. 

1980 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini declared that Iran's new
parliament would have to decide the fate of the hostages taken
on November 4, 1979, at the U.S. embassy in Tehran. 

1985 The TV show "Gimme a Break" was broadcast live before a
studio audience. It was the first TV sitcom to be seen live
since the 1950s. 

1991 During the Persian Gulf War, ground forces crossed the
border of Saudi Arabia into the country of Iraq. Less than
four days later the war was over due to the surrender or
withdraw of Iraqi forces. 

1993 Gary Coleman won a $1,280,000 lawsuit against his

1997 NBC-TV aired "Schindler's List." It was completely

1997 Ali Hassan Abu Kamal, a Palestinian teacher, opened fire
on the 86th-floor observation deck of New York City's Empire
State Building. He killed one person and wounded six more
before killing himself. 

1998 In central Florida, tornadoes killed 42 people and
damaged and/or destroyed about 2,600 homes and businesses. 

1999 In Ankara, Turkey, Abdullah Ocalan was charged with
treason. The prosecutors were seeking the death penalty for
the Kurdish rebel leader. 

1999 White supremacist John William King was found guilty of
kidnapping and murdering James Byrd Jr. Byrd was dragged
behind a truck for two miles on a country road in Texas. 

2000 Robby Knievel made a successful motorcycle jump of 200
feet over an oncoming train. 

2005 The New York, NY, city medical examiner's office annouced
that it had exhausted all efforts to identify the remains of
the people killed at the World Trade Center on September 11,
2001, due to the limits of DNA technology. About 1,600 people
had been identified leaving more than 1,100 unidentified.

2017 NASA found 7 Earth-sized planets orbiting TRAPPIST-1, a
nearby star about 40 light-years over ==> thataway.
2017  smiled.

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How to type extended characters in WORD 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, February 22

Have FUN!

7300 Boneheads would protest quite indignantly if I gave 
a Bonehead Award to these Bimbo Malfunctions.

Todays Bonehead Award:
Knoxville car theft suspect falls out of tree trying to 
resist arrest
Details at  Boneheads
Today, February 22 in
1630 Quadequine introduced popcorn to English colonists 
at their first Thanksgiving dinner. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad. --- Bob Edwards I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. --- Kati Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so. --- Bertrand Russell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Dear Son, I am writing slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address, cause the last family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they would not have to change their address. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled down on the handle and haven't seen them since. It rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket for you. The family is fine. Your father, he has a lovely job. He has about 500 men under him. He is cutting grass down at the cemetery. Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out yet whether it's a girl or a boy so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle. We got a bill from the funeral home the other day. They said if we didn't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral bill, up she comes. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pick-up. Billy Bob was driving and Willie and Joe was in the back. Billy Bob got out, he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned, it seems they couldn't get the tailgate down. Your Uncle Leroy fell in a whiskey vat at the place where he worked. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off before he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Not much more news this time. Nothin' much happened. Write more often. Love, Mom P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed. ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ I know the election is OVER, but this joke is just too good to ignore: Donald and Hillary In a Bakery Donald and Hillary Go Into A Bakery on the Campaign Trail. As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three donuts and puts them in her pocket. She says to Donald, “See how clever I am? The owner didn’t see anything and I don’t even need to lie. I will definitely win the election.” The Donald says to Hillary, “That’s the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result.” Donald goes to the owner of the bakery and says, “Give me a donut and I will show you a magic trick.” Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a donut. Trump swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then Donald asks for a third donut and eats that, too. The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, “What did you do with the donuts?” Trump replies, “Look in Hillary’s left pocket.” ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jacob Chosie, 34, Knoxville, Tennessee Knoxville car theft suspect falls out of tree trying to resist arrest A car theft suspect from Tennessee was injured when he fell from a tree while trying to elude the Lake City Police, a report said. A police report released by Lake City authorities said that Jacob Chosie, 34, of Knoxville, Tenn., climbed a tree on Feb. 19. Chosie was attempting to escape on foot after reports of an armed man that was acting suspiciously near a local motel. The call triggered a four-hour chase in which several citizens reported than an unnamed man tried to gain access to multiple homes. One homeowner spotted Chosie on her home security camera and notified the police, leading to the location of the suspect. When cornered, police said, Chosie climbed a tall tree nearby. Other officers climbed nearby trees and attempted to talk the suspect down -- to no avail. When police tried to physically apprehend Chosie, he fell to the base of the tree, sustaining multiple fractures. Police are still looking for the gun Chosie is reported to have carried and are asking citizens to call them if they see it. Chosie is charged with burglary, trespassing, car theft and resisting arrest. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richard Re: How to type extended characters in WORD Dear Webby The hints that you gave about inserting the letter pi into a Microsoft Word document works well for a limited number of needed pi characters. If she is doing something that requires many pi characters, a good way to handle it is to set up an autotext entry (perhaps named pi) and then all she has to do is type pi and press the F3 key. It requires a space before the pi and inserts a space after but they are easily edited out. One advantage of autotext is that you can create an entry for each special character you require (the entire Greek alphabet for example) and then you do not have to remember the codes. It is very nice of you to help your readers with all their computer questions. Richard Dear Richard Your solution is even better! Have FUN! DearWebby
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a small boy tying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the doorbell is just out of his reace. After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a ring. Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevo- lently and asks, "And now what, my little man?" To which the boy turns and yells, "NOW WE RUN!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Super Tasty Cheese Muffins By Judy Pariser S. [244 Posts, 1,032 Comments] Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 30 minutes Yield: 12 Muffins Source: Annette and Steve Economides Ingredients: 3/4 cup whole wheat flour 1 cup all-purpose flour 1/2 tsp salt 1 Tbsp baking powder 3/4 cup grated cheddar cheese (I used finely shredded) 2 eggs 1/4 cup oil 1 cup milk 1/4 cup honey Parmesan cheese for sprinkling on top Steps: Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Grease the muffin tins. Muffin liners are not recommended for this recipe. Stir together both flours, cheese, salt and baking powder in a large bowl. In another bowl, mix the eggs, oil, milk and honey. Make a well in the bowl with the flour. Pour in the wet ingredients and combine. The batter will be lumpy. Fill the muffin tins 3/4 full. Sprinkle Parmesan cheese on the top of the muffins. Bake for 20 minutes, or until golden brown.
Catching a baby spider in Australia
____________________________________________________ Mother: "Why are you home from school so early?" Son: "I was the only one who could answer a question." Mother: "Oh, really? What was the question?" Son: "Who threw the eraser at the principal?" ___________________________________________________
Interesting people. Win compilation best of 2016.
"Equal" is not always synonymous with "the same." Men and women are created equal, but boys and girls are not born the same. 1. You throw a little girl a ball, and it will hit her in the nose. You throw a little boy a ball, and he will try to catch it. Then it will hit him in the nose. 2. You dress your little girl in her Easter Sunday best, and she'll look just as pretty when you finally make it to church an hour later. You dress a boy in his Easter Sunday best, and he'll somehow find every mud puddle from your home to the church, even if you are driving there. 3. Boys' rooms are always messy. Girls' rooms are usually messy, except it's a good smelling mess. 4. A baby girl will pick up a stick and look in wonderment at what nature has made. Then she will hit a boy with it. A baby boy will pick up a stick and start drumming. 5. Boys couldn't care less if their hair is unruly. If their bangs got cut a quarter inch too short, girls would rather lock themselves in their room for two weeks than be seen in public. 6. If girl accidentally burps, she will be embarrassed. If a boy accidentally burps, he will follow it with a dozen fake belches. 7. Girls are attracted to boys, even at an early age. At an early age, boys are attracted to dirt. 8. Most baby girls talk before boys do. Before boys talk, they learn how to make sounds like a truck. 9. Girls will cry if someone dies in a movie. Boys will cry if you turn off the TV during a movie they have already seen. 10. Girls turn into women. Boys turn into bigger boys.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on February 22
1630 Quadequine introduced popcorn to English colonists at
their first Thanksgiving dinner. 

1784 "Empress of China", a U.S. merchant ship, left New York
City for the Far East. 

1819 Spain ceded Florida to the United States. 

1855 The U.S. Congress voted to appropriate $200,000 for
continuance of the work on the Washington Monument. The next
morning the resolution was tabled and it would be 21 years
before the Congress would vote on funds again. Work was
continued by the Know-Nothing Party in charge of the project. 

1859 U.S. President Buchanan approved the Act of February 22,
1859, which incorporated the Washington National Monument
Society "for the purpose of completing the erection now in
progress of a great National Monument to the memory of
Washington at the seat of the Federal Government." 

1865 In the U.S., Tennessee adopted a new constitution that
abolished slavery. 

1879 In Utica, NY, Frank W. Woolworth opened his first 5 and
10-cent store. 

1885 The Washington Monument was officially dedicated in
Washington, DC. It opened to the public in 1889. 

1920 The first dog race track to use an imitation rabbit
opened in Emeryville, CA. 

1923 The first successful chinchilla farm opened in Los
Angeles, CA. It was the first farm of its kind in the U.S. 

1973 The U.S. and Communist China agreed to establish liaison

1984 The U.S. Census Bureau statistics showed that the state
of Alaska was the fastest growing state of the decade with an
increase in population of 19.2 percent. 

1994 The U.S. Justice Department charged Aldrich Ames and his
wife with selling national secrets to the Soviet Union. Ames
was later convicted to life in prison. Ames' wife received a
5-year prison term. 

1997 Scottish scientist Ian Wilmut and colleagues announced
that an adult sheep had been successfully cloned. Dolly was
actually born on July 5, 1996. Dolly was the first mammal to
have been successfully cloned from an adult cell. 

2002 In the Philippines, an MH-47E Chinook helicopter crashed
into the ocean. All 10 men aboard were killed. 

2010 A copy of "Action Comics #1" sold at auction for $1
million. The comic featured the introduction of Superman. 

2010 Walmart announced it was acquiring the video streaming
company Vudu, Inc. 

2017  smiled.

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How to store CDs and DVDs 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, February 21

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Utah woman drove off with idling and unlocked fire truck,
and to the Kearns fire department for leaving a running truck
unlocked while the entrie crew was in the 7-11.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, February 21 in
1804 The first self-propelled locomotive on rails was
 demonstrated in Wales. 

1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age 
of 39 by assassins identified as Black Muslims. BLM
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Television has raised writing to a new low. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public. --- Vilhjalmur Stefansson (1879 - 1962) I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. --- Robert McCloskey ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Frank called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. "The evening was a disaster," he moaned. "Why, didn't she come over?" asked his mother. "Oh, she came over, but she didn't know how to cook either." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was your most difficult case?" The other replied, "I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world. He believed that an uncle in South America was going to die and leave him a fortune. All day long he waited for a letter to arrive from an attorney. He never went out, he never did anything, he merely sat around and waited for this fantasy letter from this fantasy uncle. I worked with this man eight years." "What was the result?" "It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight years, but I finally cured him. And then that stupid letter arrived!" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amber Marie Welker, 39, Kerns, Utah Utah woman drove off with idling and unlocked fire truck The Bonehead Award should also go to the Kearns fire department, not just to Amber Marie Welker. Hereabouts everybody uses keyfob remote controls to lock and unlock vehicles. I have not seen vehicles without electric locks since the '80s. A Kearns woman who police say got into the driver's seat of an idling firetruck and drove it eight blocks before she got out and ran off has been booked into the Salt Lake County Jail. Amber Marie Welker, 39, was arrested for investigation of theft and violating her parole. About 5 p.m. Thursday, as Unified Fire Authority firefighters were inside a 7-Eleven, 4820 W. 6200 South, police say Welker got into the driver's seat of their idling and UNLOCKED firetruck and drove off. She drove eight blocks before parking the truck by a Walgreen's, near the intersection of 6200 South and 5600 West, then went inside the store and changed her clothes in a restroom. After reviewing surveillance video, Welker was spotted walking near 6200 S. Stone Bluff Way (5500 West) and was arrested. The firetruck did not sustain any damage. In fact, both Unified police officers and firefighters were amazed she was able to not only get the large vehicle moving, but drive it rather successfully. "I have no idea how she did it," said Unified Police Lt. Brian Lohrke. DUH! Any trucker's kid learns as a toddler when daddy or mom lets them pull or hit the big knob, long before they learn that the word on it says BRAKE. Outside of Kearns, Utah, that is not rocket science. "I was shocked that she was able to drive the distance that she did and do so without anything more than going over a couple of curbs, which you see even experienced truck drivers and firefighters (do)," said Unified fire spokesman Matthew McFarland. Welker was not only able to put the truck into gear, but she successfully disabled the air brakes and maneuvered the cumbersome firetruck through the streets, making turns without hitting other cars or structures. "Unless you're familiar with trucks that have air brakes, like all real trucks do, that in itself would stop a lot of people," McFarland said. "It all happened pretty quick, I would guess she had some working knowledge of trucks because she was pretty successful. "And no, I don't think that everyone on the street could jump in and drive one. They're not that straightforward. We spend countless hours in driver's training." Lohrke said firetrucks need to remain idling in the winter because of the water tanks. But he believes the department was now reviewing its policy about leaving a truck unattended. Or maybe learn to use the keyfob remote control to lock and unlock the doors, just like everybody else does? Welker, whose last known address was in Kearns, was convicted in April of assault on a police officer for biting an officer trying to take her into custody, according to court records. She also pleaded no contest to interfering with an arresting officer in 2015. Court records show Welker has also been convicted of drug-related charges and domestic violence- related charges as well as violation of protective orders. With people like that on the loose, they better learn about clicking the LOCK button on the key fob. It's actually really easy! ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rex Re: CD Storage Dear Webby What's the best way to store important CDs ? I mean stuff that is not easily replaceable like music CDs are. Rex Dear Rex I recommend those aluminum briefcase style tool boxes that you see with telephone repair people and mobile computer fixers. They are about 46 x 35 x 15 cm (18" x 14" x 6" for the British Imperial Loyalists) and quite sturdy. If there is a fire or any reason for evacuating quickly, you can just grab that aluminum case and run. You can fit hundreds of CDs even with Jewel Cases into them. The trick is to put the CDs INTO the case, not piling them on top. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Bertha: He didn't like my pudding And he didn't like my cake. My biscuits were too hard, Not like his mother use to bake. I didn't perk the coffee And I didn't make the stew, I didn't mend his socks Like his mother use to do. As I pondered for an answer I was looking for a clue. So, I turned around and boxed his ears, Like his Mother used to do!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Stuffed Green Peppers By Jackie H. [217 Posts, 104 Comments] Stuffed green peppers have always been a family favorite in my house. It is a very frugal dinner, too! 2 jumbo green peppers, cut in half 1 1/2 lb lean ground beef 1 small onion, chopped fine 1 stalk celery, chopped fine 2 cloves garlic, chopped fine a few slices of green pepper chopped fine 1 box Zaterain's Red Beans and Rice, follow directions on the box 2 cans Italian seasoned diced tomatoes (1 for the rice and 1 for topping the peppers) grated Parmesan cheese (optional) Steps: Using a large skillet, break up up the beef with a spatula. Add all the chopped veggies, the tomatoes, and bring to a boil. Follow the package directions for red beans and rice. Let this all simmer until it thickens. Par boil the green pepper halves. Ladle some of the sauce from the pan and put it in the casserole dish. Lay the pepper halves in a covered casserole dish. Using a the extra diced tomatoes, pour them on top of each pepper. Cover and put in a 350 degree F oven for 30 minutes, or until you see them bubbling hot. Interesting variation! I boil the rice and in the meantime saute the ground beef and oinions and garlic. Cut the pepers near the stem end, but not as close as when using them for salad. The stem should still be solidly in the cap. Then I cut and clean the inside with a sharp tea spoon. When the rice is almost done, I add it to the beef/onion mix, and stir 3/4 of can of seasones chopped tomatoes plus oregano, cilantro, paprika, salt and pepper and stir it gently, without making the rice mushy. Then I put the bell peppers open end up into a casserole dish, fill them with the mix, put the caps back onto them, pour the remainder of the tomatoes around them, cover, and bake at 375 for 20 minutes. I used to make fresh breadsticks as a side dish, but nowadays I just make a tart cucumber salad for the side. Try both recipes and tell me which one you like better! Have FUN! DearWebby
drum & bugle corps
____________________________________________________ Lawyer: Tell us about the fight. Witness: I didn't see no fight. Lawyer: Well, tell us what you did see. Witness: I went to a dance at the Turner house, and as the men swung around and changed partners, they would slap each other on the shoulder, and one fellow hit harder than the other one liked, and so the other one hit back and somebody pulled a knife and someone else drew a pistol and another guy came up with a rifle that had been hidden under a bed, and the air was filled with yelling and gun smoke and bullets. Lawyer: You, too were shot in the fracas? Witness: No sir, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel. ___________________________________________________
A very imaginative artist.
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy."John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only... Smith, Jones, Baker... That's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling." "Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is..." ------------------- Yeah, I remember Mr Robertson, a manager with shiny shoes. The ONLY shiny shoes in the company, until the mysterious, never drying mud puddle appeared around his designated parking spot.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on February 21
1804 The first self-propelled locomotive on rails was
demonstrated in Wales. 

1842 John J. Greenough patented the sewing machine. 

1848 The Communist Manifesto was published by Karl Marx and
Friedrich Engels. 

1858 The first electric burglar alarm was installed in Boston,

1878 The first telephone directories issued in the U.S. were
distributed to residents in New Haven, CT. It was a single
page of only fifty names. 

1904 The National Ski Association was formed in Ishpeming, MI.

1916 During World War I, the Battle of Verdun began in France.
The battle ended on December 18, 1916 with a French victory
over Germany.

1932 William N. Goodwin patented the camera exposure meter. 

1947 Edwin Land demonstrated the Polaroid Land Camera to the
Optical Society of America in New York City. It was the first
camera to take, develop and print a picture on photo paper all
in about 60 seconds. The photos were black and white. The
camera went on sale the following year. 

1950 The first International Pancake Race was held in Liberal,

1965 Malcolm X was assassinated in New York City at the age of
39 by assassins identified as Black Muslims. BLM.

1973 Israeli fighter planes shot down a Libyan Airlines jet
over the Sinai Desert. More than 100 people were killed. 

1975 Former U.S. Attorney General John N. Mitchell and former
White House aides H.R. Haldeman and John D. Ehrlichman were
sentenced to 2 1/2 to 8 years in prison for their roles in the
Watergate cover-up. 

1988 In Baton Rouge, LA, TV evangelist Jimmy Swaggart
confessed to his congregation that he was guilty of an
unspecified sin. He announced that he was leaving the pulpit
temporarily. Swaggart had been linked to an admitted

1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called Ayatollah
Khomeini's death warrant against "Satanic Verses" author
Salman Rushdie "deeply offensive to the norms of civilized

1995 Chicago stockbroker Steve Fossett became the first person
to fly solo across the Pacific Ocean in a balloon. He landed
in Leader, Saskatchewan, Canada. 

2003 David Hasselhoff and his wife Pamela were injured in a
motorcycle accident. The accident was caused by a strong gust
of wind. Hasselhoff fractured his lower back and broke several
ribs. His wife fractured her left ankle and right wrist. 

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, February 20

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Brittney Lahcell Jones, arrested for performing sex act
inside Florida courthouse and posting video of it, 
claiming thqat is how she got some charges dropped. 
Details at  Boneheads
Today, February 20 in
1673 The first recorded wine auction took place in London. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy (1940 - ) Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. --- Socratex "Nothing deters a good man from doing what is honourable." --- Seneca ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Annie One day I called my son, who was a sophomore at college, and heard this message on his answering machine: "A is for academics; B is for beer; It's one of those reasons we are not here." Startled by his poem, I left him my own in response: "M is for mom; G is for groan; Since you have moeny left over for beer I'll keep, what I was going to send right here." And I did. Next time I called, he had sold the answering machine. ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play. One said "Let's play clinic. " "Good idea." said the other. "You hand out the pill samples, and I'll do the billing." ______________________________________________________ Abandoned railroad in Paris From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brittney Lahcell Jones, 26, Jeremiah Isiah Robinson, 35, Jacksonville, Florida Brittney Lahcell Jones, arrested for performing sex act inside Florida courthouse and posting video of it, claiming thqat is how she got some charges dropped. Authorities in Jacksonville, Florida announced the arrest Brittney Lahcell Jones, the 26-year-old woman accused of posting a video of herself performing oral sex on a man inside a courthouse and then posting footage of the sex act on social media. According to the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office, deputies apprehended Jones on Wednesday. Police issued a warrant for the arrest of Jones and 35-year- old Jeremiah Isiah Robinson on a charge of a lascivious act, The Florida Times Union reported. Law enforcement officials said Robinson also surrendered to police The video, which surfaced online back in January, showing Brittney Lahcell Jones performing oral sex on a man in front of what appeared to be a Duval County courtroom, the newspaper reported. Jones was scheduled for an arraignment on a drug charge at the time in the Duval County Courthouse. Afterward, she posted a message on her Twitter account, which read, “Found a way to get my charges dropped.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Robbie Re: File Explorer problem Dear Webby i am now running windos 7. Before, the file explorer let me have a space in the right file list colum to show the pix and play the music and see pix plus file comments. Now in 7 there is no space and nothing to see how to i get it to show what is in a file and file comments? thanks i send u warmth u need it1 Robbie Dear Robbie Click on the icon titled "Folders". That will show the right side. If you give it space, it will show a thumbnail of the file, that you have highlighted on the left. For comments on the stuff on the right side, just hover the cursor over an item. Most files do not have comments, unless you added them during the file creation. Have FUN! DearWebby
Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Uncle Charlie and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. But, when the bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, he finally called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something nice for Uncle Charlie... .. So I rented him a tuxedo in your name."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Cannellini Bean Sauté By Judy Pariser S. [243 Posts, 1,024 Comments] So easy, fast, delicious, and very inexpensive, too. A nice change of pace when you are tired of potatoes, rice and pasta. It's ready in a matter of minutes. Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 5 minutes Total Time: 10 minutes Yield: 4 servings Source: Ingredients: 2 cans (15 oz) cannellini beans, rinsed and drained 3 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil 1/4 cup yellow onion, minced 1 1/2 tsp garlic, minced 4 tsp fresh lemon juice 1/2 tsp salt 1/4 tsp pepper 1/2 tsp Italian seasoning Dry white wine (I used chicken broth) Parmesan cheese Heat the oil in a skillet. Add the onion and garlic and cook until soft and fragrant, around 2 minutes. Add the rest of the ingredients except the Parmesan cheese. Cook until softened and heated through, and until the liquid is reduced, about 3 minutes. Serve warm with some Parmesan cheese on top.
the Rockwell Retro Encabulator (great video)
____________________________________________________ DOG EMAILS TO GOD Dear God, How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are they thinking? Dear God, When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story? Dear God, Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have six inch legs? Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please. Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, pee-mail, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energyfields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand? Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets, or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street. ___________________________________________________
A mysterious cabin hidden deep in the woods.
Jack was living in Australia during a heat wave when the following took place. "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "They probably think that I married you for your money."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on February 20
1673 The first recorded wine auction took place in London. 

1792 U.S. President George Washington signed the Postal
Service Act that created the U.S. Post Office. 

1809 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the power of the federal
government was greater than that of any individual state. 

1815 The USS Constitution, under Captain Charles Stewart
fought the British ships Cyane and Levant. The Constitution
captures both, but lost the Levant after encountering a
British squadron. The Constitution and the Cyane returned to
New York safely on May 15, 1815. The Cyane was purchased and
became the USS Cyane. 

1839 The U.S. Congress prohibited dueling in the District of

1872 Luther Crowell received a patent for a machine that
manufactured paper bags. 

1872 Silas Noble and J.P. Cooley patented the toothpick
manufacturing machine. 

1880 The American Bell Company was incorporated. 

1901 The first territorial legislature of Hawaii convened. 

1931 The U.S. Congress allowed California to build the Oakland
Bay Bridge. 

1933 The U.S. House of Representatives completed congressional
action on the amendment to repeal Prohibition. 

1944 "Big Week" began as U.S. bombers began raiding German
aircraft manufacturing centers during World War II. 

1962 John Glenn made space history when he orbited the world
three times in 4 hours, 55 minutes. He was the first American
to orbit the Earth. He was aboard the Friendship 7 Mercury
capsule. Glenn witnessed the Devil's Cigarette Lighter while
in flight. 

1965 Ranger 8 crashed on the moon after sending back thousands
of pictures of its surface. 

1987 A bomb exploded in a computer store in Salt Lake City,
UT. The blast was blamed on the Unabomber. 

1993 Two ten-year-old boys were charged by police in
Liverpool, England, in the abduction and death of a toddler.
The two boys were later convicted. 

1998 American Tara Lipinski, at age 15, became the youngest
gold medalist in winter Olympics history when she won the
ladies' figure skating title at Nagano, Japan. 

2001 FBI Agent Robert Phillip Hanssen was arrested and charged
with spying for the Russians for 15 years. 

2002 In Reqa Al-Gharbiya, Egypt, a fire raced through a train
killing at least 370 people and injuring at least 65. 

2003 In West Warwick, RI, 100 people were killed and more than
230 were injured when fire destroyed the nightclub The
Station. The fire started with sparks from a pyrotechnic
display being used by Jack Russel's Great White. Ty Longley,
guitarist for the band, was one of the victims in the fire. 

2008 The U.S. Navy destroyed an inoperable spy satellite with
a missile from the USS Lake Erie and turned it into shrapnel.

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, February 19

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Massachusetts woman drinks wine in front of cops after 
crashing her car into oncoming traffic.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, February 19 in
1856 The tintype camera was patented by 
Professor Hamilton L. Smith.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Anybody who has doubts about the ingenuity or the resourcefulness of a plumber never got a bill from one. --- George Meany Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists? --- Kelvin Throop III Man blames fate for other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole in one. --- Socratex It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. --- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Barb Moron Malfunctions: Ever looked up the education credentials of Hollywood and New York soothsayers? Most of them rely on knowledge clouds drifting across the Pacific, perhaps from an Asian mystic who wears lots of colorful beads. The mystic has brought them deep understanding of economics, governance, military affairs and especially science. It inspires bold words on most topics. LEONARDO DeCAPRIO's self-declared climate expertise enables him to speak on the world's environmental issues with a high-school education. He never took a college biology, chemistry, physics or climatology course, yet he knows more than most scientists. He proved that by addressing climate change before a full gathering of the UN. SEAN PENN's quick takes on everything put him at the lofty level of an Einstein. He visited Iraq once and became an expert on that country. The same for Iran. He also became buddies with the brutal Venezuelan communist Hugo Chavez and consistently lauded that murderous thug. Now that Chavez is gone and Venezuelans are raiding dumpsters for food scraps, Penn is having a rare silent moment. Penn deserves some credit for becoming a world-affairs genius based on two years of auto mechanics classes at Santa Monica College. KATY PERRY's passion about politics and economics freed her to quit high school at 15 without compromising her expert status. Asked the square root of 64, the name given the Constitution's first 10 amendments and to explain PE ratio, her answer might be, "Republicans are for the rich." She recently demonstrated wizardry by making an anti-Trump video. It suggested the new president would commit acts similar to forced World War II lockups of loyal Japanese- Americans. Perry probably did not know the internment plan was developed and executed by DEMOCRAT President Roosevelt. ROBERT DeNIRO must also be a quick learner. He acquired amazing scientific knowledge before dropping out of high school. He knows so much about geology that he joined Artists Against Fracking. (All the producing wells in his native Manhattan must have provided first-hand experience.) He's also an expert on pediatric medicine, enabling him to speak often against vaccinating infants and children. HARRY BELAFONTE is another multiple-subject whiz who needed little formal education. Some people might think this talented singer might limit his words to songs since his IQ is so low. Don't worry. Despite advancing age, he remains expert on most things. When black people of greater intelligence (that's most black people) say something moderate or conservative, he hurls the N word at them. Decades ago, he loudly denounced Reagan's elimination of CETA, the Comprehensive Employment Training Act. It was one of the most wasteful federal programs ever -- many vanished dollars, few jobs. Belafonte tore into Reagan during an interview Finally, the interviewer asked Belafonte what CETA stood for. Belafonte had no clue. He knew almost nothing about the act. ROSIE O'DONNELL was my personal favorite long before her hateful remark that Trump's 10-year-old son looked autistic. Her coarse philosophy must be that if you say something loudly, it need not be correct. Her bombast probably created lots of turmoil with both the women she "married." She also must have skipped chemistry during her high-school education. Otherwise, she would have not have offered "proof" that 9/11 was an inside job. She often bellowed that planes could not have brought down the Twin Towers because "steel doesn't burn." This constant jackass must not know that high temperatures DO reduce steel's strength. AL SHARPTON would be America's greatest at-large criminal, if not for Hillary's tens of millions swapped for influence and favors. Sharpton owes nearly $5 million in delinquent taxes to IRS and New York state. Makes you wonder why NBC/MSNBC would ever hire him. Sharpton accumulated vast theological knowledge by age 9, when he was "ordained" as a preacher. He didn't need more than a high-school education to keep marching forward. His most successful high school class must have been Shystehood. Despite one scandal after another, his 2004 run for president stands out. The Federal Election Commission forced him to return $100,000 in taxpayer money provided by FEC. One of many abuses was his $145,146 charge for "Campaign letter preparation -- Kinko's." Later, FEC fined Sharpton $285,000. JULIA ROBERTS proves that physical beauty does not ensure a beautiful brain. She had a fling at Georgia State University before pursuing acting lessons and joining a modeling group. Her acting and modeling skills guided her to such thoughtful observations as "Republican" comes between "reptile" and "repugnant" in the dictionary. Impressed? BROOKE SHIELDS, an Obama supporter, verifies the Roberts theory -- that physical beauty does not guarantee a beautiful brain. During her days as a boisterous animal- rights supporter, Shields had a mink coat custom-made. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN could have been No. 1 on this list. He squabbled with nuns when in Catholic school. Transferring to a public school, he thought so little of the education experience that he skipped graduation. Had he gone to college, he might have majored in Hate 101. That's what we hear when he's not singing. He claims Trump is a "moron" who advocates "white nationalism." Springsteen demonstrates the analytical skills' void of most show-biz folk when he laments America's industrialization decline. Somebody please whisper to Springsteen that his party's business-crunching regulations and world-leading corporate tax rate compels U.S. manufacturers to go elsewhere. Finally, two others are outside the entertainment world, disqualifying them from winning an Oscar, Emmy or Grammy. Politicians Nancy Pelosi and Maxine Waters do compete for the Rock Head of the Year trophy each time they speak. Pelosi frequently wins with comments like needing to pass a bill "so we can find out what's in it." Waters has already locked up the 2017 trophy for suggesting a Trump impeachment over his campaign antics. Listen closely, Maxine. Presidents can be impeached only for what they do in office. ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A cowboy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!" The bartender pours out the shots, and the cowboy drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast." The cowboy replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too if you had what I have." The bartender says "Oh my God! What is it? What do you have?" A hole in my pants where my wallet used to be. ______________________________________________________ There used to be a bridge from a restaurant to the stairs, but it collapsed due to lack of maintenance. From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Erin Lynch, 37, Hingham, Massachusetts Massachusetts woman drinks wine in front of cops after crashing her car into oncoming traffic. A Massachusetts woman took the saying “love the wine your with” too far on Valentine’s Day when she continued drinking in front of officers after crashing her car, according to WPBF. Erin Lynch, 37, allegedly drove over the center line and hit an oncoming car, according to Hingham police. This driver was arrested on Valentines Day night after crossing over center line on Rockland Street and hitting an oncoming car. She continued to drink from the wine bottle after the crash after Officers asked for her license. The driver of the car that was hit was seat belted and not injured. This driver was arrested for drunk driving and other charges. When the officer approached Lynch, he spotted a bottle of wine and wine glass in the passenger seat of the car, according to police. Officers say instead of getting her license, Lynch drank from a bottle of wine. On their Twitter account, Hingham Police shared photos of a wine glass in the center console of Lynch’s car. EMS arrived later and placed an “uncooperative” Lynch on a stretcher and transported her to South Shore Hospital, where she was sobered up prior to be placed under arrest. She must have looked really rough before they sobered her up! Lynch was charged with operating under the influence, driving to endanger, a marked lane violation, an open container violation and a seat belt violation. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Amanda Re: Descriptive picture names Dear Webby I was told to use decriptive names for pictures instead of just numbers, but now they don't show up any more. They show OK on my computer, but not on the web. Amanda Dear Amanda When the web was invented, it was decided that names have NO spaces in them. Then the Mac people gave in to Arab influence and allowed spaces in file names. A few years later Microsoft got paranoid about the Mac having something that Microsoft didn't have, and without thinking about it, followed suit. Well, the people in charge of the web thought and still think that spaces within names are stooopid and just a silly nuisance on the web. They really are, and they slow down browsing, because when the message comes back that there is no such file (with just the first portion), then some browsers add "%20", a space filler, and send another request out. If you have half a dozen words in your "descriptive file name", that wastes a lot of time. Just fill the gaps with underscores or the minus sign, and the files will show properly on all browsers. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Lilly: Over the years, my husband and I have usually managed to decode the cute but confusing gender signs sometimes put on restaurants' restroom doors (Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and Lassies, etc.), but every so often we get stumped. Recently my husband Dave wandered off in search of the men's room and found himself confronted by two marked doors. One was labeled "Bronco," and the other was designated "Cactus." Completely baffled, he stopped a restaurant employee. "Excuse me; I need to use the restroom," he said, gesturing toward the doors, "Which one should I use?" "Actually, we would prefer you to go there," the employee said, pointing to a door down the hall marked "Men." "Bronco and Cactus are our private dining rooms."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Black Bean Stuffed Bell Peppers This recipe is a delicious variation on the typical ground beef stuffed peppers. By lalala... [795 Posts, 103 Comments] Total Time: 55-65 minutes Yield: 8 servings Ingredients: 1 1/4 cup water 1 (3 oz.) pkg. cream cheese, softened 2 cups cooked brown rice 2 cups baby spinach, chopped 1 (10 oz.) Rotel diced tomatoes with green chiles 1 (15 oz.) can black beans, rinsed and drained 1/2 small onion, finely diced 1 tsp cumin 1 tsp dried oregano 4 large green bell peppers, 1/2 cup cheddar cheese, grated Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Add water to a 9 x 13 inch baking dish. Set aside. Wash bell peppers, then cut them in half lengthwise. Remove the stems, seeds, and membranes. Fill a large pot with water and bring to a boil. Put pepper halves into the boiling water and boil for 5 minutes. Remove peppers from pot and pat dry. Set aside. prepared pepper halves Put onion into a pan with a little oil. Cook until transparent and tender. NOTE: I had a pepper half that had some soft spots, so after removing those, I diced it up and cooked it with the onion. saute onions Put cream cheese into a bowl and stir until smooth. Add cooked rice, tomatoes, and onions. Then add cumin and oregano. Stir to combine. Mix in black beans, then add spinach; stir to combine. Stuff each pepper half with filling. Then place pepper halves in baking dish and top with cheese. Bake for 35-45 minutes or until filling is bubbly and peppers are tender.
why women are different from men
____________________________________________________ >From Martin: When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during your lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you're drunk than to think you're stupid. ___________________________________________________
A mysterious cabin hidden deep in the woods.
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I am going to give you a prescription for some tranquillizers that I want you to start taking regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down any?" "Oh, yes" the mother answered. "They do wonders for me." "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?" she replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on February 19

1846 The formal transfer of government between Texas and the
United States took place. Texas had officially become a
state on December 29, 1845. 

1856 The tintype camera was patented by Professor Hamilton
L. Smith. 

1878 Thomas Alva Edison patented a music player (the

1881 Kansas became the first state to prohibit all alcoholic

1942 U.S. President Roosevelt signed an executive order
giving the military the authority to relocate and intern

1942 The New York Yankees announced that they would admit
5,000 uniformed servicemen free to each of their home ball
games during the coming season. 

1942 Approximately 150 Japanese warplanes attacked the
Australian city of Darwin. 

1945 During World War II, about 30,000 U.S. Marines landed
on Iwo Jima. 

1953 The State of Georgia approved the first literature
censorship board in the U.S. Newspapers were excluded from
the new legislation. 

1959 Cyprus was granted its independence with the signing of
an agreement with Britain, Turkey and Greece. 

1963 The Soviet Union informed U.S. President Kennedy it
would withdraw "several thousand" of its troops from Cuba. 

1981 The U.S. State Department calls El Savador a "textbook
case" of a Communist plot. 

1981 Ford Motor Company announced a loss of $1.5 billion. 

1985 Mickey Mouse was welcomed to China as part of the 30th
anniversary of Disneyland. The touring mouse played 30
cities in 30 days. 

1985 William Schroeder became the first artificial-heart
patient to leave the confines of the hospital. 

1985 Cherry Coke was introduced by the Coca-Cola Company. 

1986 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty outlawing genocide.
The pact had been submitted 37 years earlier for

1986 The Soviet Union launched the Mir space station. 

1987 A controversial, anti-smoking publice service
announcement aired for the first time on television. Yul
Brynner filmed the ad shortly before dying of lung cancer.
Brynner made it clear in the ad that he would have died from
cigarette smoking before ad aired. 

1997 Deng Xiaoping of China died at the age of 92. He was
the last of China's major revolutionaries. 

2002 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began using its thermal
emission imaging system to map Mars. 

2004 Former Enron Corp. chief executive Jeffrey Skilling was
charged with fraud, insider trading and other crimes in
connection with the energy trader's collapse. Skilling was
later convicted and sentenced to more than 24 years in

2005 The USS Jimmy Carter was commissioned at Groton, CT. It
was the last of the Seawolf class of attack submarines. 

2008 Fidel Castro resigned the Cuban presidency. His brother
Raul was named as his successor.

2017  smiled.

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Invisible text 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, February 18

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man, 76, Shot Wife In Butt Over Lack of Sex after
6 years of dating and 6 months of marriage.
Details at  Boneheads
Today, February 17 in
1685 Robert Cavelier, Sieur de LaSalle established 
Fort St. Louis at Matagorda Bay, and thus formed the 
basis for France's claim to Texas. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man. --- Sir Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626) Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Mother: "Soooo... you want to become my son-in-law." Suitor: "No, not really. But it seems to be the punishment for marrying your daughter." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ You may not know that many non living things have a gender. For example: 1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. 2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed. 3) Tire -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over inflated. 4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it and, of course, there's the hot air component. 5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water. 6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on. 7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. 8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight can shift to the bottom. 9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. 10) Remote Control -- Female. Ha! You thought it'd be Male. But consider this: It gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying. 11) Computer -- Female. The most popular operating system for home use is Windows, and Windows definitely uses Blonde Logic and PMS inspired user interface. ----------------------- Let's see if you can add to this and bring it to 100 ! ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Donald Royce, 76, Lehigh Acres, Floriduh Man, 76, Shot Wife In Butt Over Lack of Sex after 6 years of dating and 6 months of marriage. Angered that he had yet to consummate his six-month-old marriage, a 76-year-old Florida man allegedly shot his new bride in the buttocks, according to police who arrested the septuagenarian for felony domestic violence. Donald Royce, pictured above, was arrested Saturday night after firing a pair of shots at his 62-year-old spouse in the bedroom of the couple’s Lehigh Acres residence. He is being held in the Lee County jail in lieu of $100,000 bail. Royce "explained that they have been married since August and they have still not consummated their marriage,” according to a probable cause statement prepared by a police detective. “She got Donald violently angry tonight due to his requesting sex and her refusing.” During questioning by cops, Royce said that he had been arguing with his wife about their sleeping arrangements when he decided to fire into the bed to scare her. But Royce said he missed the mattress, instead striking the victim in the hip and buttocks. “Donald then stated he only wanted to shoot the mattress but was upset when he realized he had shot his wife,” an investigator noted. When sheriff’s deputies first arrived at his home, Royce declared, “I shot her and the gun is in my room.” Royce’s wife was transported to Lee Memorial Hospital, where she was treated and released. A judge has ordered Royce to have no contact with his wife. Royce and his wife--who had been together for six years-- were wed in August 2016 at the county clerk’s office in Fort Myers. After 6 years of teasing and promising, the bonehead still did not catch on that he was wasting his time. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Betty Re: Invisible text Dear Webby Comments: HI, I just tried to send 2 cards. Everything else was alright except it would not show the messages. Thank you Betty Dear Betty If you customize a card, make sure you pick a contrasting text and background combo, unless you want to have invisible text that only shows up when you wipe the mouse over it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Carol for this joke: An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large, old lady went up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady went inside between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out. The father said quietly to his son: "Go get your mother."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Rust Stains From My Washing Machine By guest (Guest Post) Iron Out is amazing. I was having a problem with my whites suddenly becoming orange and now they are whiter than anything in the house. I also use Mrs. Stewarts bluing for my whites usually but it just wasn't helping with the rust. Now- beautiful clothes and no icky residue on the inside of my washer either. I am very happy with that product.
why women are different from men
____________________________________________________ A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until, at 8 p.m., the husband finally pulls into the driveway. "What happened?" asked the wife. "You should have been home hours ago!" "Gus had a heart attack at the third hole," replied the husband. "Oh, that's terrible," said the wife. "I know," the husband answered. "All day long it was, hit the ball, drag Gus, hit the ball, drag Gus . . . " ___________________________________________________
12 Cool Camouflage Animals and Insects
The widow lay crying on her psychiatrist's couch. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the doctor. "How did you do it?" "I outweighed him by sixty pounds and he was a chicken."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on February 18
1564 The artist Michelanglelo died in Rome. He did the
original painting of the Sixtine Chapel in Rome. It
contained a fair bit of nudity and was "corrected" and made
politically correct in the 1970s.

1685 Robert Cavelier, Sieur de LaSalle established Fort St.
Louis at Matagorda Bay, and thus formed the basis for
France's claim to Texas. 

1841 The first continuous filibuster in the U.S. Senate
began. It lasted until March 11th. 

1861 In Montgomery, AL, Jefferson Davis was inaugurated as
the President of the Confederate States. 

1885 Mark Twain's "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" was
published in the U.S. for the first time. 

1913 The famous French painting "Nude Descending a
Staircase", by the French artist, Marcel Duchamp, was
displayed at an "Armory Show" in New York City. 

1930 Elm Farm Ollie became the first cow to fly in an

1930 The planet Pluto was discovered by Clyde Tombaugh. The
discovery was made as a result of photographs taken in
January 1930. 

1952 Greece and Turkey became members of NATO. 

1970 The Chicago Seven defendants were found innocent of
conspiring to incite riots at the 1968 Democratic national

1972 The California Supreme Court struck down the state's
death penalty. 

1977 The space shuttle Enterprise went on its maiden
"flight" sitting on top of a Boeing 747. 

1998 In Russia, money shortages resulted in the shutting
down of three plants that produced nuclear weapons. 

1998 In Nevada, two white separatists were arrested and
accused of plotting a bacterial attack on subways in New
York City. 

2000 The U.S. Commerce Department reported a deficit in
trade goods and services of $271.3 billion for 1999. It was
the largest calender-year trade gap in U.S. history. 

2001 NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt, Sr., was killed in a
crash during the Daytona 500 race. 

2001 FBI agent Robert Philip Hanssen was arrested and
accused of spying for Russia for more than 15 years. He
later pleaded guilty and was sentenced to life in prison
without parole. 

2003 In South Korea, at least 120 people were killed when a
man lit a fire on a subway train. 

2017  smiled.

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Does a link exchange help with the search engines? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, February 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the

Thank you, Ian!

Today, in 1933 Blondie Boopadoop married Dagwood Bumstead.
How is THAT for an important bit of history, that you can 
brag about?

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Suspect Flips Car, Keep Rolling During High-Speed Chase
Details at  Boneheads
Today, February 17 in
1817 The first gaslit streetlights appeared on the streets 
of Baltimore, MD. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side. --- James Baldwin A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores. --- Terry Pratchett ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Nina I was escorted to a wedding by my twenty-four-year-old bachelor son. He appeared unaffected by the ceremony until the bride and groom lighted a single candle with their candles and then blew out their own. With that he brightened and whispered, "I've never seen that done before." I whispered back, "You know what it means, don't you?" His response: "No more old flames?" ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Here are Biblical bloopers from Sunday school students: FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT ------------------------------------------- In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah. Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. He probably needed them to protect him from the 300 wives when they started arguing. ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Malik Deshai Shoulders, 18 Ft Worth, Texas Suspect Flips Car, Keep Rolling During High-Speed Chase A driver fleeing a traffic stop flipped his vehicle several times, landed upright and continued to lead deputies on a high-speed chase before capture over the weekend, according the Kershaw County Sheriff’s Office. According to authorities, a Kershaw County deputy observed Malik Deshai Shoulders, 18, of Ft. Worth, Texas, driving at a speed of 105mph on Interstate 20 around 10 p.m. on Friday, When the deputy attempted to pull him over, Shoulders sped up and led the deputy on a high-speed chase toward Columbia, according the Sheriff’s Office. After exiting at US-601 and turning on to Lachicotte Road, Shoulders lost control of his car, flipping it 2 to 3 times before landing upright. A dash cam video shows the car getting back on theroad and continuing to drive toward US-1 in Lugoff. As Shoulders approached US-1, he attempted to make a right turn and once again lost control of his car, crossed US-1 and ended up in Raspberry Court strip mall, where his car eventually came to a stop, deputies say. At that point, Shoulders struggled with a deputy in an attempt to the stay in the car. Fighting with the cops will add a dumb-ass felony. After they finally removed him from the badly-damaged vehicle and arrested him, deputies say Shoulders told them he ran because he had marijuana in his car and didn’t have a driver’s license. Shoulders is charged with failure to stop for a blue light, possession of marijuana, no valid driver’s license and speeding in excess of 25mph over the limit. He remains in the Kershaw County Detention Center, where he awaits a bond hearing. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bernard Re: Does trading links help? Dear Webby Does trading links help to get a better listing in the search engines? Bernard Dear Bernard No, and Yes. If you are referring to trading links with a spam-slut from an unrelated site, then the answer is NO. The search engines will penalize and probably dump you. If you are talking about in-context links, where you are referring to a site that has deeper details or additional information about your topic, then the links count in your favor. Keep in mind that the search engines are spending Billions of dollars to be relevant and able to deliver exactly what the visitors are looking for. They don't like it at all when you listen to con-artists pretending to be Search Engine Optimizers and experiment with sleazy tricks to try to get around the Search Engine's quest for relevancy and accuracy. Unless you want to be lumped in with spammers and caught cheaters, just trash that spam and forget it. Have FUN! DearWebby
When the employees of a restaurant here attended a fire safety seminar, they watched a fire official demonstrate the proper way to operate an extinguisher. "Pull the pin like a hand grenade," he explained, "then press the trigger to release the foam." Later an employee was selected to extinguish a controlled fire in the parking lot. In an open 45 gallon drum that was partially filled with water and carefully topped off with a layer of motor oil, then a layer of diesel, a big, smoky fire was burning quite lively. In her nervousness, she forgot to pull the pin. The instructor hinted, "Like a hand grenade, remember?" In a burst of confidence she pulled the pin ... and slam-dunked the extinguisher into the fire.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Starting Seeds in the Snow By Donna [384 Posts, 399 Comments] A class showed us how to start seeds in the snow! Simply punch holes for air and drainage in an empty gallon container, slice it partially open, but not completely. Leave a small section as a 'hinge' (See photo.) Fill with seedling soil and seeds, tape lid closed, write the date and the seeds you planted in the jug and place OUTSIDE, by a wall for a little extra protection and close enough to check on them. When the weather warms up enough (check moisture through cap hole and gently sprinkle if it needs moisture.) The seeds will start sprouting themselves when their weather conditions are right! Plus they will be hardened for transplanting too! Think spring! Source: Penn State Extension Service
____________________________________________________ Why men wear earrings: A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my truck." ___________________________________________________
People are awesome! Best of the week 2017.
Latreesha went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?" "Ten," she replied. "What are their names?" he asked. "LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered. "They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?" "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all come running in." "And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered. "But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked. "Oh, that's easy," she said. "Then I just use their last name!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on February 17

1817 The first gaslit streetlights appeared on the streets
of Baltimore, MD. 

1865 Columbia, SC, burned. The Confederates were evacuating
and the Union Forces were moving in. 

1876 Julius Wolff was credited with being the first to can

1878 In San Francisco, CA, the first large city telephone
exchange opened. It had 18 phones. 

1897 The National Congress of Mothers was organized in
Washington, DC, by Alice McLellan Birney and Phoebe Apperson
Hearst. It was the forerunner of the National PTA. 

1924 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the
100-yard freestyle. He did it with a time of 57-2/5 seconds
in Miami, FL. 

1933 Blondie Boopadoop married Dagwood Bumstead three years
after Chic Young’s popular strip first debuted. 

1934 The first high school automobile driver’s education
course was introduced in State College, PA. 

1944 During World War II, the Battle of Eniwetok Atoll
began. U.S. forces won the battle on February 22, 1944. 

1947 The Voice of America began broadcasting to the Soviet

1992 In Milwaukee, serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was
sentenced to life in prison. In November of 1994, he was
beaten to death in prison. 

1995 Colin Ferguson was convicted of six counts of murder in
the December 1993 Long Island Rail Road shootings. He was
later sentenced to a minimum of 200 years in prison. 

1996 World chess champion Garry Kasparov beat the IBM
supercomputer "Deep Blue" in Philadelphia, PA. 

2017  smiled.

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How to get rid of duplicate files 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, February 16

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Virginia man gets life sentence for killing Harlem 
dad in 'monstrous' shooting
Details at  Boneheads
Today, February 16 in
1804 A raid was led by Lt. Stephen Decatur to burn the U.S.
Navy frigate Philadelphia. The ship had been taken by
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone. --- Gladys Bronwyn Stern England and America are two countries separated by a common language. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An Octogenarian who was an avid golfer moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play but was told there wasn't anybody he could play with because they were already out on the course. He repeated several times that he really wanted to play. Finally the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and would give him a 12 stroke handicap. The 80 year old said, "I really don't need a handicap as I have been playing quite well. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps." And he did play well. Coming onto the 18th the old man had a long drive, but it landed in one of the sand traps around the hole. Shooting from the sand trap he hit a very high ball which landed on the green and rolled into the hole! The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing. He said "Nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?" "I do!" replied the Octogenarian, "Please give me a hand." ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A young lad and his mother were walking down the street one day, when suddenly the boy yelled out excitedly, "Mother, Mother, look at that bowlegged man!" His mother immediately hushed him explaining it was not polite to make fun of bowlegged people. The next day the same thing happened, "Look mother, there's that bowlegged man!" The mother grabbed the lad by the arm saying, "When we get home you'll be taught a lesson for this outburst." When they got home, she gave her son a work by Shakespeare, "Go to your room and read this book. You can't come out until you have finished it. Maybe you will learn something from this." A few days later they were walking down the same street when the boy spotted two bowlegged cowboys. And the boy said, "Hark! What manner of men are these, Who weareth their legs in parentheses?" ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bryan Rogers, 31, Virginia Virginia man gets life sentence for killing Harlem dad in 'monstrous' shooting A Manhattan judge threw the book at a Virginia man Wednesday for the "monstrous" murder of a Harlem father who died in his elderly mother's arms. "This was senseless, absolutely senseless. It's monstrous," Manhattan Supreme Court Justice A. Kirke Bartley told Bryan Rogers, 31, as he handed down a life sentence. After expressing condolences to the victim's family and telling them he meant "no disrespect," Rogers said, "If you all had told the truth, everything would have been better." The victim's brothers and son inhaled sharply in the audience, visibly stunned by Rogers’ accusation that they had lied on the witness stand in November when they said he was the aggressor. When Rogers took the stand, he testified that his girlfriend, Logan Wilson, fired the shots that killed her uncle, Todd Wilson, 48, in the hallway of a building in the Manhattanville Houses where the Wilson family had lived a long time. The judge disagreed with Rogers, accepting the testimony of family members who said the killer fired four shots into Wilson after the victim insisted that Rogers leave the apartment in the middle of the night because the family had to go to work in the morning. "You threw your life away each time you pulled the trigger — not once, not twice, not three times, but four times," the judge told Rogers. Bartley said he was touched by the testimony of Wilson's mother, who described having her youngest son die in her arms, and by the image of Wilson's teenage child having to "watch his father breathing his last breath." Assistant District Attorney Mark Dahl — who’d asked the judge to sentence Rogers to 25 years to life — read a long letter from the victim's niece, Logan Wilson, who detailed how Rogers abused her verbally, physically, mentally and emotionally for years prior to the August 2014 shooting. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Steve Re: Duplicate files Dear Webby As I have upgraded my laptop every few years, I now have a great number of duplicate files and folders. Is there a way to find duplicate files and photos? Easily? Thank you. Steve Dear Steve There are hundreds of duplicate finders and de-duplicators available on the net. It seems every programming student has to write one or improve one and put his name on it. Some claim to compare pictures. Those are naturally very slow. The ones, that just compare file name and size, are quite fast. Here is one trick I use: Make a DUMP folder for receiving files. Use Everything Search from Yeah, verily I have recommended that program countless times. Tell it to search for pictures, and put *.jpg into the search line. The first time it indexes your drives, all of them, it takes a few minutes, especially if you have big drives. Then click on the first found JPG file, hit CTRL A to select ALL, then SHIFT-drag them all to your new DUMP directory. The first time it encounters a duplicate, Windows will squawk and ask you if you want to overwrite or skip or rename. I choose Overwrite. That gets rid of the duplicates in a hurry. You can, of course, rename the duplicates, but I found that a big waste of time. You will still have a lot of duplicates, especially from your email area. Look at the DUMP folder with your graphics program set to browse thumbnails. Tell it to SORT by size. That may take a while! When sorted, you will have thousands of the thilly Incredimail nuisance dodads and lines and buttons at the top. Click on the top one, hold down SHIFT and scoot down to where collectable pictures begin. CTRL Delete THAT selection. Then trim from the bottom up. A lot of the very large stuff is crap, that you don't really want to keep. Alternate like that, tag from the top down and from the bottom up. It is still a bit time consuming, but you are at the same time also weeding out stuff, that is not worth keeping. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dana for this one: Once upon a time in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up. However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'" "It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that I've forgiven and forgotten."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Use a K Cup for Seed Starter To start your new plants use a K cup after drinking your coffee. Add a little dirt to your K cup and add your seed. The cup already has a hole in the bottom which is perfect for draining.
foot puppets
____________________________________________________ After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussingthe results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained four new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained six new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our ten biggest trouble makers!" ___________________________________________________
Renaissance paintings photo shopped into the present.
I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are inde- pendent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on February 16

1804 A raid was led by Lt. Stephen Decatur to burn the U.S.
Navy frigate Philadelphia. The ship had been taken by

1857 The National Deaf Mute College was incorporated in
Washington, DC. It was the first school in the world for
advanced education of the deaf. The school was later renamed
Gallaudet College. 

1862 During the U.S. Civil War, about 14,000 Confederate
soldiers surrendered to Gen. Ulysses S. Grant at Fort
Donelson, TN. 

1868 The Jolly Corks organization, in New York City, changed
it name to the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks

1883 "Ladies Home Journal" began publication. 

1914 The first airplane flight between Los Angeles and San
Francisco took place. 

1918 Lithuania proclaimed its independence. 

1923 Howard Carter unsealed the burial chamber of Egyptian
Pharaoh Tutankhamen. The next day he entered the chamber
with several invited guests. He had originally found the
tomb on November 4, 1922. 

1932 The first fruit tree patent was issued to James E.
Markham for a peach tree which ripens later than other

1937 Wallace H. Carothers received a patent for nylon.
Carothers was a research chemist for Du Pont. 

1938 The U.S. Federal Crop Insurance program was authorized.

1945 During World War II, U.S. troops landed on the island
of Corregidor in the Philippines. 

1946 The first commercially designed helicopter was tested
in Connecticut. 

1948 NBC-TV began airing its first nightly newscast, "The
Camel Newsreel Theatre", which consisted of Fox Movietone

1858 The ironing board was patented by William Vandenburg
and James Harvey. 

1959 Fidel Castro seized power in Cuba after the overthrow
of President Fulgencio Batista. 

1960 The U.S.S. Triton began the first circumnavigation of
the globe under water. The trip ended on May 10. 

1968 In the U.S., the first 911 emergency telephone system
was inaugurated in Haleyville, AL. 

1970 Joe Frazier began his reign as the undefeated
heavyweight world champion when he knocked out Jimmy Ellis
in five rounds. He lost the title on January 22, 1973, when
he lost for the first time in his professional career to
George Foreman. 

1985 "Kojak" returned to network television after an absence
of seven years with the CBS-TV special, "Kojak: The Belarus

1987 John Demjanjuk went on trial in Jerusalem. He was
accused of being "Ivan the Terrible", a guard at the
Treblinka concentration camp. He was convicted, but the
Israeli Supreme Court overturned the ruling when the real
"Ivan the Terrible" showed up.  

1989 Investigators in Lockerbie, Scotland, announced that a
bomb hidden inside a radio-cassette player was the reason
that Pan Am Flight 103 was brought down the previous
December. All 259 people aboard and 11 on the ground were

1999 A bomb exploded at the government headquarters in
Uzbekistan. Gunfire followed the incident. The event
apparently was an attempt on the life of President Islam

1999 Kurds seized embassies and held hostages across Europe
following Turkey's arrest of Kurdish rebel leader Abdullah

1999 Testimony began in the Jasper, TX, trial of John
William King. He was charged with murder in the gruesome
dragging death of James Byrd Jr. King was later convicted
and sentenced to death. 

2002 The operator of a crematory in Noble, GA, was arrested
after dozens of corpses were found stacked in storage sheds
and scattered around in the surrounding woods. 

2005 The Kyoto global warming pact went into effect in 140

2005 The NHL announced the cancellation of the 2004-2005
season due to a labor dispute. It was the first time a major
sports league in North America lost an entire season to a
labor dispute.

2017  smiled.

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Huge fonts and icons after repair 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, February 15

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
MMA fighter Roshaun Jones arrested for double murder
during armed robbery
Details at  Boneheads
Today, February 14 in
2002 U.S. President George W. Bush approved Nevada's Yucca
Mountain as a site for long-term disposal of radioactive
nuclear waste. After a few Billion dollars worth of work had
been done, the Democrats stopped the project.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. --- Herbert Spencer ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One time during the underway watch the Officer Of the Day decided to test my seamanship. "What would you do if the forward watch fell off the side of the ship?" "Easy, sir, I'd call 'Man Overboard' and follow the Man Overboard procedures." "What would you do if an officer fell overboard?" "Hmmm," I said, "Which one, sir?" ______________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Tina decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her friend next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size. "Buffy," she said, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?" "Fifteen," said Buffy. So the girl bought the fifteen rolls of paper and did the job, but she had seven rolls left over. "Buffy," she said. "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got seven left over!" "Yeah!" said Buffy. "I did too." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Roshaun Jones, 33, Del Mar, Oklahoma MMA fighter Roshaun Jones arrested for double murder during armed robbery Professional fighter Roshaun Jones was arrested and charged with two counts of first-degree murder on Thursday in Oklahoma. Police believe Jones, who last fought at a Bellator event in 2015, shot and killed two people in a botched armed robbery at the Laundry Station in Del Mar on Monday. One of the victims, Nekia Jackson, was on shift as the day manager of the establishment, while the other, 60-year-old Russ Roberts, was a customer who happened to be in the store when Jones tried to rob it. Roberts tried to help Jackson while the robbery was happening when Jones allegedly turned the gun on them both, according to KFOR. Another customer walked in later to the pair of dead bodies and called the police. The U.S. Marshals service assisted in the manhunt for Jones earlier in the week and he was eventually captured by authorities in Midwest City, Okla. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: Huge fonts after repair Dear Webby After I got my computer back from the repair place for a minor problem, I noticed all my Icons , writing and pages where huge. I went to start, properties,control panel and looked for the Icon that said display checked and looked for the large Icon to remove a checked sign, but it was not checked. Is there another way to get the print back to normal? Thank you for your help. Rose Dear Rose Yes, it's hard to get decent help these days. Probably the goof who messed with your machine did a blind re-install without checking how horrible things looked. Just right-click on the desktop Properties Settings and then increase the resolution. That shrinks the icons and everything. I use 1600 x 1200 on this machine, a bit more on some of the other ones. Just pump it up one step at a time until it looks comfortable. Then, after you ENTER out of that, clcik on an empty spot on the desktop, hold down CTRL and roll the scroll wheel on the mouse. Roll it away from you to make the icons larger, roll it towards you to make them smaller. Have FUN! DearWebby
A psychology student was to help a professor in conducting a personality test. The room was set up with various props in order to move through the assessment quickly. The first person to enter the room started through the test. "How does this glass of water look to you?" Person 1: It is half empty. Student writes 'pessimist' in his report. Person 2 enters the room. "How does this glass of water look to you?" Person 2: It is half full. Student writes 'optimist' in his report. Person 3 enters the room. "How does this glass of water look to you?" Person 3: Looks like you have twice as much glass as you need there. The student looks totally blank and goes to consult with the professor. "Oh them!", the professor says, "I forgot to warn you about the engineers! They have no personality."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Sweet Potato Chocolate Frosting By Donna [384 Posts, 399 Comments] Just two ingredients make a delicious frosting that will get one more vegetable into your family, while tasting absolutely decadent! No butter and no added sugar. Ingredients: 1 lb sweet potatoes 12 oz milk chocolate chips Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 10 minutes in the microwave Total Time: 15 minutes Yield: frosting for approximately 8 cupcakes Steps: Place clean sweet potatoes on a plate and cover with another plate. Place in the microwave and cook on high for 5-6 minutes (or according to your microwave instructions.) Check them for softness and microwave at 4 minutes increments until soft and cooked. Mine were done in 10 minutes. Let the sweet potatoes sit a little bit, so you don't burn yourself. Then cut them open and scrape the center out into a small food processor and puree for 1 to 2 minutes. Add the chocolate while the sweet potatoes are still warm to help them melt. If desired while letting the potatoes cool, you could always put the chocolate bits into a covered bowl in the microwave to pre-melt them. I would heat it at 1 minute increments and stop as soon as they are soft, but not losing their shape. Puree the mix together for a minute. That's it! Spread on to cool cupcakes, cake or even fresh strawberries. Serve and enjoy!
who doesn't want to hug a teddy bear
____________________________________________________ Success is... At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants. At age 12 success is having friends. At age 16 success is having a drivers license. At age 20 success is having sex. At age 35 success is having money. At age 50 success is having money. At age 60 success is having sex. At age 70 success is having a drivers license. At age 75 success is having friends. At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants. ___________________________________________________
Winners of the National Geographic International Photography Contest for kids.
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours,they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?" "Yes, I do." "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" "Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did." "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?" "She just died and left me everything."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today on February 15
1758 Mustard was advertised for the first time in America. 

1764 The city of St. Louis was established. 

1799 Printed ballots were authorized for use in elections in
the state of Pennsylvania. 

1842 Adhesive postage stamps were used for the first time by
the City Dispatch Post (Office) in New York City. 

1879 U.S. President Hayes signed a bill that allowed female
attorneys to argue cases before the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1898 The USS Maine sank when it exploded in Havana Harbor
for unknown reasons. More than 260 crew members were killed.

1900 The British threaten to use natives in their war with
the Boers. 

1903 Morris and Rose Michtom, Russian immigrants, introduced
the first teddy bear in America. 

1933 U.S. President-elect Franklin Roosevelt escaped an
assination attempt in Miami. Chicago Mayor Anton J. Cermak
was killed in the attack. 

1942 During World War II, Singapore surrendered to the

1961 A Boeing 707 crashed in Belgium killing 73 people. 

1965 Canada displayed its new red and white maple leaf flag.
The flag was to replace the old Red Ensign standard. 

1982 During a storm, the Ocean Ranger, a drilling rig, sank
off the coast of Newfoundland. 84 men were killed. 

1985 The Center for Disease Control reported that more than
half of all nine-year-olds in the U.S. showed no sign of
tooth decay. 

1989 After nine years of intervention, the Soviet Union
announced that the remainder of its troops had left

1991 The leaders of Czechoslovakia, Hungary and Poland
signed the Visegard agreement, in which they pledged to
cooperate in transforming thier countries to free-market

1995 The FBI arrested Kevin Mitnick and charged him with
cracking security in some of the nation's most protected
computers. He served five years in jail. 

2002 U.S. President George W. Bush approved Nevada's Yucca
Mountain as a site for long-term disposal of radioactive
nuclear waste. After a few Billion dollars worth of work had
been done, the Democrats stopped the project.

2017  smiled.

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