Family Tree Maker 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 31


Tonight there will be a Blue Moon.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Autistic boy, 11, raped by dad and girlfriend 
in Alabama ‘because they thought he was gay’
Today, March 31 in
1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its 
10th province. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to. --- Granville Hicks (1901 - 1982) Oregano is the spice of life. --- Henry J. Tillman _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day, a man got drunk in a bar and started a fight. The police came and took the drunk man to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked him, "Where do you work?" The man said, "Here and there." The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?" The man said, "This and that." Then the judge said, "Take him away." The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?" The judge laughed and said, "Sooner or later" ______________________________________________________ "Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?" "No, but that didn't keep her from yelling for two hours." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ <<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Learn to fly here Learn to land there <<<<<<<<<<<<< >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ "Are you saying that your wife is outspoken?" "Not by anyone I know of." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sean Cole, 29, Khadeijah Moore, 21 Huntsville, Alabama Autistic boy, 11, raped by dad and girlfriend in Alabama ‘because they thought he was gay’ Sean Cole, 29, and Khadeijah Moore, 21, face life in jail after being found guilty of the horrific crimes in Huntsville, Alabama. The 11-year-old, who lives with his mother in Georgia, had been visiting his father for Thanksgiving in 2016, when the sexual assault took place. The court heard how Cole found him in what he considered a ‘compromising position’ with another boy and became angry. In response, he made Moore have sex with the boy. Cole then instructed him to carry a sex act out on Moore. Tim Douthit, the prosecutor on the case, told ‘It was solely that he was worried that his son was gay, or might become gay. There was no evidence he had a sexual attraction to his son or children. ‘He just thought he could, for lack of better words, ‘straighten him out’. The boy’s mother became suspicious when the boy returned to Georgia and began asking questions about sex. He eventually told her what had happened and she drove immediately to Huntsville to contact local police. The couple was arrested in January 2017. Douthit said that when a forensic interviewer asked the boy about the rape, the boy said he thought at the time: ‘Why is my dad doing this to me?’ Tech Support Pits From: Maggie Re: Family Tree Maker
Dear Webby, do you have a family tree maker? maggie Dear Maggie Unfortunately, I don't. There are lots of them available on the web, but I don't know which ones are good. But that reminds me of a story my dad told me about 50 years ago. Seems he overheard some kid telling his father that he had learned in school that people were descendants of apes. Apparently the father blew up and yelled at his kid: "Nonsense! YOU might have decended from an ape, but I sure didn't!" Have FUN DearWebby
Being a husband is like any other job. It helps a lot if you like the boss.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Chris for this story: My wife and her friend were talking about their labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway. Her friend said, "I love my new garage-door opener." "I love mine too," my wife replied, and she honked the horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A Girl Guide troop leader suddenly came upon a clearing where a couple was engaged in an activity that had their heads pointing in different dirctions. "Back ladies, back!" cried the leader. "There's a very dangerous beast out there!" But it was too late, as several of her girls had more-or-less seen the deed happening. They asked their leader what it was the couple was doing. "Well, err.... if you must know, uh, they were practicing a brand new form of artificial respiration... yeah, that's it, it's artificial respiration!" "WOW!" exclaimed the oldest of the group. "I know which merit badge I'm gonna try for next!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Standing Ninja Eggs By attosa [568 Posts, 3,046 Comments] Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ A doting father used to sing his little children to sleep until he overheard the four-year-old tell the three-year-old, "If you pretend you're asleep, he stops."
The Shirk Report
___________________________________________________ A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank!" Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye. " ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 31 in
1492 King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain issued the
Alhambra edict expelling Jews who were unwilling to convert to

1779 Russia and Turkey signed a treaty concerning military action
in Crimea. 

1854 The U.S. government signed the Treaty of Kanagawa with Japan.
The act opened the ports of Shimoda and Hakotade to American

1862 Skirmishing between Rebels and Union forces took place at
Island 10 on the Mississippi River. 

1870 In Perth Amboy, NJ, Thomas Munday Peterson became the first
black to vote in the U.S. 

1880 Wabash, IN, became the first town to be completely
illuminated with electric light. 

1885 Binney & Smith Company was founded in New York City. The
company later became Crayola, LLC. 

1889 In Paris, the Eiffel Tower officially opened. 

1900 The W.E. Roach Company was the first automobile company to
put an advertisement in a national magazine. The magazine was the
"Saturday Evening Post". 

1900 In France, the National Assembly passed a law reducing the
workday for women and children to 11 hours. 

1901 In Russia, the Czar lashed out at Socialist-Revolutionaries
with the arrests of 72 people and the seizing of two printing

1902 In Tennessee, 22 coal miners were killed by an explosion. 

1904 In India, hundreds of Tibetans were slaughtered by the

1905 Kaiser Wilhelm arrived in Tangier proclaiming to support for
an independent state of Morocco. 

1906 The Conference on Moroccan Reforms in Algerciras ended after
two months with France and Germany in agreement. 

1908 250,000 coal miners in Indianapolis, IN, went on strike to
await a wage adjustment. 

1909 Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina. 

1917 The U.S. purchased and took possession of the Virgin Islands
from Denmark for $25 million. 

1918 For the first time in the U.S., Daylight Saving Time went
into effect. 

1921 Great Britain declared a state of emergency because of the
thousands of coal miners on strike. 

1923 In New York City, the first U.S. dance marathon was held.
Alma Cummings set a new world record of 27 hours. 

1932 The Ford Motor Co. debuted its V-8 engine. 

1933 The U.S. Congress authorized the Civilian Conservation Corps
to relieve rampant unemployment. 

1933 The "Soperton News" in Georgia became the first newspaper to
publish using a pine pulp paper. 

1939 Britain and France agreed to support Poland and start another
world war if Germany threatened invasion. 

1940 La Guardia airport in New York officially opened to the

1941 Germany began a counter offensive in North Africa. 

1945 "The Glass Menagerie" by Tennessee Williams opened on

1946 Monarchists won the elections in Greece. 

1947 John L. Lewis called a strike in sympathy for the miners
killed in an explosion in Centralia, IL, on March 25, 1947. 

1948 The Soviets in Germany began controlling the Western trains
headed toward Berlin. 

1949 Winston Churchill declared that the A-bomb was the only thing
that kept the U.S.S.R. from taking over Europe. 

1949 Newfoundland entered the Canadian confederation as its 10th

1958 The U.S. Navy formed the atomic submarine division. 

1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) began exile by
crossing the border into India where he was granted political
asylum. Gyatso was the 14th Daila Lama. 

1960 The South African government declared a state of emergency
after demonstrations led to the death of more than 50 Africans.

1966 An estimated 200,000 anti-war demonstrators march in New York
City. (New York) 

1966 The Soviet Union launched Luna 10, which became the first
spacecraft to enter a lunar orbit. 

1967 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson signed the Consular Treaty, the
first bi-lateral pact with the Soviet Union since the Bolshevik

1970 The U.S. forces in Vietnam down a MIG-21, it was the first
since September 1968. 

1980 U.S. President Carter deregulated the banking industry. 

1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, four of five Indonesian terrorists were
killed after hijacking an airplane on March 28. 

1985 ABC-TV aired the 200th episode of "The Love Boat." 

1986 167 people died when a Mexicana Airlines Boeing 727 crashed
in Los Angeles. 

1987 HBO (Home Box Office) earned its first Oscar for "Down and
Out in America". 

1989 Canada and France signed a fishing rights pact. 

1991 Albania offered a multi-party election for the first time in
50 years. Incumbent President Ramiz Alia won. 

1991 Iraqi forces recaptured the northern city of Kirkuk from
Kurdish guerillas. 

1994 "Nature" magazine announced that a complete skull of
Australopithecus afarensis had been found in Ethiopia. The finding
is of humankind's earliest ancestor. 

1998 U.N. Security Council imposed arms embargo on Yugoslavia. 

1998 For the first time in U.S. history the federal government's
detailed financial statement was released. This occurred under the
Clinton administration. 

1999 Three U.S. soldiers were captured by Yugoslav soldiers three
miles from the Yugoslav border in Macedonia. 

2000 In Uganda, officials set the number of deaths linked to a
doomsday religious cult, the Movement for the Restoration of the
Ten Commandments, at more than 900. In Kanungu, a March 17 fire at
the cult's church killed more than 530 and authorities
subsequently found mass graves at various sites linked to the

2004 Air America Radio launched five stations around the U.S. 

2004 Google Inc. announced that it would be introducing a free e-
mail service called Gmail. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 5 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1055 )
Tripod substitute 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Tomorrow night there will be a Blue Moon.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wisconsin woman arrested for injecting children 
with meth, letting men sexually assault them
Today, March 30 in
1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Life is a fatal complaint, and an eminently contagious one. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809 - 1894) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return." ______________________________________________________ A pretty young woman visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully. "Miss Jones," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never had an eye examination." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The doctor has just finished giving the young man a thorough physical examination. "The best thing for you to do," the M.D. said, "is give up drinking and smoking, get to bed early and stay away from women." "Doc, I don't deserve the best," said the patient. "What's third best?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michelle Mayer, 39, Eau Claire, Wisconsin Wisconsin woman arrested for injecting children with meth, letting men sexually assault them A Wisconsin mother allegedly let men abuse two young children for years in exchange for drugs and money, according to WEAU. Michelle Mayer, 39, of Eau Claire, has been charged with two counts of repeated sexual assault of a child, party to a crime. The abuse apparently started years ago when Mayer allowed different men into her mother’s house, according to WTMJ. The men allegedly gave Mayer meth, cocaine and money, and, in return, she allowed them to sexually and physically assault two children she was trafficking, ages 6 and 9, according to a criminal complaint. Mayer would also allow the men to photograph the children naked and would inject them with meth to keep them awake, a confidential informant told police. The same informant estimated that the abuse happened “every other day” for up to nine years, WTMJ reports. If the children refused to cooperate, Mayer would beat them, including at least one instance when she struck one of them with a baseball bat, according to the informant. Mayer faces up to 80 years in prison, according to WQOW, and police are now investigating the men who allegedly assaulted the children. Tech Support Pits From: Erin Re: Tripod substitute
Dear Webby, What can I use as a substitute for a tripod? I really don't want to lug a tripod around. All it does is promote stupid questions. "Oh, you take pictures?" No, I bash idjits. Thanks Erin Dear Erin There is another type of camera rest that I have used quite a bit and that you can quickly make as a gift. It's called a Sand Pillow. Find an old, scuffed leather purse or even smaller. Fill it with dry sand or uncooked rice or corn meal. Avoid shiny patent leather. Save the Nauga! They are almost extinct! Ideal is limp old suede. A short length of sleeve from an old motorcycle jacket works quite nicely too. Sew or glue it shut after filling it. A sand pillow like that works beautifully on a car roof, rocks, wood, window sill, headboard, anything. You can nestle the camera into the pillow and it will hold it steady enough for even the longest zoom shots. Any serious photographer will definhitely appreciate a sand pillow as a gift and keep it around a lot longer than the current camera. DearWebby
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!" The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?" "I just saw both of your garters!" Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!" Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. "Where do you think you're going?" she asks. "From what I just saw, my school days are over!"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two friends were driving to the store and on the way, they came upon an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red, but the driver went right through the red light. The passenger screamed at the driver, "What are you doing? You're going to get us killed!" The drive said, "Don't worry, my mother always drives like this." Later on, they came to another stoplight which was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, "I thought I told you, you're gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!" The driver said, "All right! I get it, but I told you my mother drives like this all the time." They came to another intersection, but this time the light was green. The driver slammed on his brakes and stopped the car completely. The passenger yelled, "What are you doing now? This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?" The driver said, "My mother might be coming the other way."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>from Charles "My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.'" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Liquor Store Boxes Visit your local liquor store and see if they have any boxes to spare. They almost always do. Pick out some boxes with cardboard dividers which are used for shipping bottles. These boxes are great for storing and protecting breakable ornaments. Save your tissue paper and wrapping paper from presents to wrap your ornaments before putting them in the box. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Louise for this story: ONE DAY a young man came up to my window at the bank and whispered, "Please deposit this hundred dollars in my savings account." I handled the transaction and whispered back, "Have a good day." He started to leave but changed his mind. "I'm sorry we have to whisper," he said, "but if my car knows I've deposited money, it'll break down again." With his finger to his lips he tip-toed out.
Death Valley wild flowers.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sue for this story: The Students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand? Did they get both ears with one shot?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 30 in
1533 Henry VIII divorced his first wife, Catherine of Aragon. 

1814 The European nations allied against Napoleon marched into

1822 Florida became a U.S. territory. 

1842 Dr. Crawford W. Long performed the first operation while his
patient was anesthetized by ether. 

1855 About 5,000 "Border Ruffians" from western Missouri invaded
the territory of Kansas and forced the election of a pro-slavery
legislature. It was the first election in Kansas. 

1856 A peace treaty was signed between England and Russia. (Treaty
of Paris) 

1858 Hyman L. Lipman of Philadelphia patented the pencil. 

1867 The U.S. purchased Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million

1870 The 15th amendment, guaranteeing the right to vote regardless
of race, was passed by the U.S. Congress. 

1870 Texas was readmitted to the Union. 

1903 Revolutionary activity in the Dominican Republic brought U.S.
troops to Santo Domingo to protect American interests. 

1905 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt was chosen to mediate in
the Russo-Japanese peace talks. 

1909 The Queensboro bridge in New York opened linking Manhattan
and Queens. It was the first double decker bridge. 

1909 In Oklahoma, Seminole Indians revolted against meager pay for
government jobs. 

1916 Pancho Villa killed 172 at the Guerrero garrison in Mexico. 

1936 Britain announced a naval construction program of 38

1939 The comic book "Detective Comics #27" appeared on newstands.
This comic introduced Batman. 

1940 The Japanese set up a puppet government called Manchuko in
Nanking, China. 

1941 The German Afrika Korps under General Erwin Rommel began its
first offensive against British forces in Libya. 

1944 The U.S. fleet attacked Palau, near the Philippines. 

1945 The U.S.S.R. invaded Austria after World War II. 

1946 The Allies seized 1,000 Nazis attempting to revive the Nazi
party in Frankfurt. 

1947 Lord Mountbatten arrived in India as the new Viceroy. 

1950 The invention of the phototransistor was announced. 

1950 U.S. President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy as a
saboteur of U.S. foreign policy. 

1957 Tunisia and Morocco signed a friendship treaty in Rabat. 

1972 The British government assumed direct rule over Northern

1972 The Eastertide Offensive began when North Vietnamese troops
crossed into the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ) in the northern portion
of South Vietnam. 

1975 As the North Vietnamese forces moved toward Saigon South
Vietnamese soldiers mob rescue jets in desperation. 

1981 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was shot and wounded in
Washington, DC, by John W. Hinckley Jr. Two police officers and
Press Secretary James Brady were also wounded. 

1982 The space shuttle Columbia completed its third and its
longest test flight after 8 days in space. 

1984 The U.S. ended its participation in the multinational peace
force in Lebanon. 

1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Sunflowers" was bought for $39.85

1993 In Sarajevo, two Serb militiamen were sentenced to death for
war crimes committed in Bosnia. 

1993 In the Peanuts comic strip, Charlie Brown hit his first home

1994 Serbs and Croats signed a cease-fire to end their war in
Croatia while Bosnian Muslims and Serbs continued to fight each

1998 Rolls-Royce was purchased by BMW in a $570 million deal. 

2002 An unmanned U.S. spy plane crashed at sea in the Southern

2002 Suspected Islamic militants set off several grenades at a
temple in Indian-controlled Kashmir. Four civilians, four
policemen and two attackers were killed and 20 people were

2009 The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey confirmed that
the new World Trade Center building would be officially known by
its legal name of "One World Trade Center." 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 5 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 791 )
Shade for camera LCD 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 29


Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
PA DUI driver vomited out the window, 
swerved into oncoming traffic
Today, March 28 in
1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. --- John Kenneth Galbraith A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. --- Evan Esar O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. --- Saint Augustine The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. --- Unknown And now there is FaceBook _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rubye for this story: Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling." Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds!" "And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for sending this story: Officer Candidate School at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, was tough. During an inspection, a fellow soldier received 30 demerits for a single penny found in his area. Ten demerits were for "valuables insecure," ten demerits because the penny wasn't shined, and ten more because Abraham Lincoln needed a shave. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Foxglove _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >From Ed Recently my girlfriend, Karen, got a job at a local hardware store. "The owner doesn't want us hanging out with our friends," she said. "If you stop by, tell them you're my brother." On my first visit I walked to the customer service desk and asked the older woman there, "Is Karen around?" When she looked at me quizzically, I added, "I'm her brother." She smiled. "What a nice surprise. I'm Karen's mother." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Bello, 30, Lancaster, Pennsylvania DUI driver vomited out the window, swerved into oncoming traffic Police arrested a man on St. Patrick’s Day who they say was driving under the influence and vomiting out the window at the same time in Lancaster County. Michael Bello, 30, of Lancaster, is charged with two counts of driving under the influence and driving on wrong side of roadway. Police said the incident happened around 2 p.m. in Manor Township and East Hempfield Township. “East Hempfield and Manor Township Police were notified by Lancaster County Radio of a possible DUI driving south on Rohrerstown Road near Columbia Avenue. The driver was to be vomiting out of the car and swerving into oncoming traffic,” police said. “The vehicle was stopped by police on Millersville Road at Charlestown Road. Bello was taken into custody and a chemical test of his breath confirmed he was Driving Under the Influence of Alcohol.” Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Shading Camera LCD
Dear Webby, I just read this letter. Thanks so much for the fun. Reading your tip on digital flash brought up a question I have had for some time now. I find it difficult to see what I am trying to take when taking pics in the sunlight, before actually taking the pic. I usually have the sun at my back. Do you have any suggestions on how I can cut the glare on the LCD screen? Thanks for the letter & help section. Sharon Dear Sharon Nothing new about that. Look at a drawing or picture of a photographer from 200 years ago. You will see them wear a stylish Count Dracula cape, but made from lightweight, black or navy satin. You just flip that forward over your head, and the camera is in the shade. Sure, you can do the same with a skirt if you don't mind some extra exposure. A large sombrero can also be helpful, and I have seen funnels made from stiff leather, but they are very cumbersome and awkward. You can make a cape from an old satin sheet or fake silk scarves, and I have seen some that were white or pearl on the outside and lined with black on the inside. A cape made from parachute rayon "silk" folds small enough to fit into a shirt pocket. Just don't lend your cape to another photographer. You'll never get it back. DearWebby
>From Bobbie Dave irritated everyone in our office. Whether it was the tone of his voice or his condescending attitude, we all steered clear. He must have suspected he was annoying, because he asked a co-worker, "Why does everyone take an instant dislike to me?" Larry responded, "It saves time."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Todd was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, "If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?" Todd replied, "I would get in my helicopter and fly away!" The doctor then asked, "Where did you get a helicopter from?" Todd replied, "The same place where you got that silly train."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large parrot. He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it comes up for bid he offers $50. The bidding proceeds hot and heavy with someone always bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot is finally sold to him for $1,500. When he goes to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer, "Can the bird talk?" The auctioneer replied, "Who do you think was bidding against you?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Gift Wrapping Center I have an old dresser that I converted into a gift wrap center. The dresser has four good sized drawers to hold: tissue paper, cards, gift bags and bows. I keep my rolls of gift wrap in plastic boxes on top of the dresser with tape and a scissor. When I need to wrap a present, I just remove the two boxes of gift wrap from the top and I have a nice wrapping surface. By Tammy B. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ This woman's husband dies and she has only $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just a few days before your husband died. How could you be broke?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral home cost me $5,000. And of course, I had to make the obligatory donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone." The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? My goodness, how big was it?" Extending her left hand, the widow says, "Three carats."
The most amazing archival treasures that were digitized in 2017
___________________________________________________ A synagogue honors its Rabbi for a quarter-century of service by sending him to Hawaii on a well-deserved vacation, all expenses paid. The President of the synagogue decides that in addition to the trip, the Rabbi should have fun and he makes arrangements to have a call-girl available for the Rabbi at all times. When the Rabbi walks into his hotel room, there is this nude girl lying on the bed and she informs the Rabbi that she is his at any time during his vacation. The Rabbi, stunned and extremely embarrassed, demands to know who arranged this little situation, and of course, the girl is compelled to tell him. The Rabbi immediately picks up the phone, calls the synagogue, and gets through to the President of the congregation. 'Where is your respect'? he growls. 'How could you do something like this?' 'I must be held in high esteem by each and every member of this congregation. As your Rabbi, I am very, very angry with you!' As he continues to berate the President, the girl rises sheepishly from the bed, not wanting to further embarrass the Rabbi. As she stands, the Rabbi says 'Where the heck are you going? I'm not mad at you!' ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 29 in
1461 Edward IV secured his claim to the English thrown by
defeating Henry VI’s Lancastrians at the battle of Towdon. 

1847 U.S. troops under General Winfield Scott took possession of
the Mexican stronghold at Vera Cruz. 

1848 Niagara Falls stopped flowing for one day due to an ice jam. 

1867 The British Parliament passed the North America Act to create
the Dominion of Canada. 

1901 The first federal elections were held in Australia. 

1903 A regular news service began between New York and London on
Marconi's wireless. 

1906 In the U.S., 500,000 coal miners walked off the job seeking
higher wages. 

1913 The Reichstag announced a raise in taxes in order to finance
the new military budget. 

1916 The Italians call off the fifth attack on Isonzo. 

1936 Italy firebombed the Ethiopian city of Harar. 

1941 The British sank five Italian warships off the Peloponnesus
coast in the Mediterranean. 

1943 In the U.S. rationing of meat, butter and cheese began during
World War II. 

1946 Gold Coast became the first British colony to hold an African
parliamentary majority. 

1951 The Chinese reject MacArthur's offer for a truce in Korea. 

1951 In the United States, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were
convicted of conspiracy to commit espionage. They were executed in
June 19, 1953. 

1962 Cuba opened the trial of the Bay of Pigs invaders. 

1967 France launched its first nuclear submarine. 

1971 Lt. William Calley Jr., of the U.S. Army, was found guilty of
the premeditated murder of at least 22 Vietnamese civilians. He
was sentenced to life imprisonment. The trial was the result of
the My Lai massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968. 

1973 The last U.S. troops left South Vietnam. 

1974 Mariner 10, the U.S. space probe became the first spacecraft
to reach the planet Mercury. It had been launched on November 3,

1975 Egyptian president Anwar Sadat declared that he would reopen
the Suez Canal on June 5, 1975. 

1979 The Committee on Assassinations Report issued by U.S. House
of Representatives stated the assassination of President John F.
Kennedy was the result of a conspiracy. 

1983 Erno Rubik was granted a patent for his Magic Cube. (U.S.
Patent 4,378,116) 

1987 Hulk Hogan took 11 minutes, 43 seconds to pin Andre the Giant
in front of 93,136 Wrestlemania III fans at the Silverdome in
Pontiac, MI. 

1992 Democratic presidential front-runner Bill Clinton said "I
didn't inhale and I didn't try it again" in reference to when he
had experimented with marijuana. 

1993 The South Korean government agreed to pay financial support
to women who had been forced to have sex with Japanese troops
during World War II. 

1995 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a constitutional
amendment that would have limited terms to 12 years in the U.S.
House and Senate. 

2004 Bulgaria, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania, Slovakia and
Slovenia became members of NATO. 

2010 In Japan, the Tokyo Skytree tower became the tallest
structure in Japan when it reached 1,109 feet. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 7 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 978 )
Lighting for large indoor pictures 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 28


Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Men use spaghetti sauce to try to 
start fire after burglary
Today, March 28 in
2010 - china's zhejiang geely holding group co. Signed a deal to
buy ford motor co.'S volvo car unit.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There is nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only. The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large picnic basket. She stood right in front of the man and grabbed the overhead rail so the picnic basket was above the man's head. Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her. She quickly declined as she was only going a short distance. Soon the picnic basket began to leak. The man felt something drop on top of his head. As he looked up it hit beside his nose and ran down across his lips. He tasted it, looked up at the lady and asked, "Pickles?" She replied, "No, no, puppies....." ______________________________________________________ The parish priest very furtively calls the mother superior into his office. This is how their conversation went: "Sister, I want to show you something." "What is it, Father? "Come into my private room & close the blinds." "WHAT?!" "I said....." "I heard what you said - I just can't believe you're saying it!" "Well, I really need you to come in." Curious, the nun does as she is told. "Here, sit on the bed beside me." "I have to get out of here." "Aren't you the least bit curious?" Well, the nun was so she sat down beside him. "Get under the covers." "WHAT?????!!!!!" The nun was really freaking out. "It doesn't work otherwise!" After much coaxing, the nun does get under the covers with him. He whispers: "Come closer." Nervously, she does get closer. "See," the priest whispers gleefully, "my new watch does glow in the dark!!!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ How the sun changed during the current 22 year cycle Click through for the big picture. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Bernice for this story: My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank. The operator asked me what Ian's last name was and I explained that he hadn't left his surname. When she asked for his department, I said I didn't know. "There are 1500 employees in this building, ma'am," she advised me rather curtly. After a few more brusque comments, I asked her for her name. "Danielle," she said. "And your last name?" I asked. "Sorry," she replied, "we don't give out last names." "Fine!", I told her. "Tell Ian that if he doesn't call me in ten minutes I will blow his a** off." and slammed the phone. He called in two minutes. ----------------------- Yeah, when a woman says "Fine!", men know there is going to be trouble. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Derrick Irving, 36, John Silva, 28, Deland, Florida Men use spaghetti sauce to try to start fire after burglary Two men are accused of breaking into the home of a man they both dated, stealing several items, then leaving spaghetti sauce boiling on the stove with a washcloth placed near the burner in an attempt to start a fire, according to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office. The victim called 911 about 7 a.m. Tuesday because the security cameras in his home on Evergreen Terrace in DeLand detected motion and he believed someone was breaking in because a towel had been placed over one of the cameras, the report said. Deputies went to the residence and saw a red Lincoln Navigator attempting to leave the area. A stop was conducted and the driver, 28-year-old John Silva, and passenger, Derrick Irving, told the deputy that they had just picked up some clothes from the victim's home, according to the affidavit. The victim told News 6 that Irving was wearing a bull costume. The deputy said she could see a marijuana grinder in the center console and a vacuum, window A/C unit, flat-screen television and heater in the back seat. An empty jar of Ragu spaghetti sauce was also on the passenger's seat, the report said. Deputies said both men initially denied burglarizing the victim's home, instead saying that Irving told Silva he lived at the home and needed a ride there to retrieve some clothes and other items. The home reeked of smoke when deputies entered it, according to the report. A pot of spaghetti sauce was found burning on the stove with a white washcloth placed near the burner that had just begun to catch fire, according to the affidavit. "He was trying to make it look like I left the stove on but who gets up 2 a.m. and fixes sketti," the victim said. The deputy extinguished the flames then continued searching the home. Evidence at the scene revealed that Silva and Irving broke into the home, covered the security cameras, stole the items, then put the spaghetti sauce on the stove in an attempt to start a fire so the evidence would be destroyed, according to authorities. Silva and Irving told deputies that they both had romantic or sexual encounters with the victim in the past. "It started out as a relationship, that lasted about a week," the victim said. "I've let him use my car for four months, maybe he's angry about that. Or maybe he's angry because I gave him $150 to fix his teeth." Both men were charged with unarmed burglary, grand theft and arson. Silva is being held on $25,500 bond and Irving is being held without bond because officials say he violated his probation. Tech Support Pits From: Georgina Re: Lighting
Dear Webby I realize that flash ruins pictures, so what's your secret for indoor pictures? Thanks Georgina Dear Georgina You can use a flash, if it is a detachable or remote slave flash, held about as far away as you can reach. If you don't have a slave flash, get one of those rectangular Quartz work lights, that look like an outdoor security light but have a big alligator clip instead of a pipe mount, and can be clipped to a stepladder or shelf. They cost about $12 and provide a very nice and warm light. Again, the best location for the light is an arms length to the side of you and an arms length higher than the camera. You might have seen clip-art or drawings of potographers in the mid 1800s, where they held up a metal dust pan loaded with magnesium for a bright flash. Keep that in mind when placing your light. Have FUN! DearWebby
Asked by his teacher to spell "straight," the third-grade boy did so without error. "Excellent," said the teacher, "now, what does it mean?" "Without water."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl asked, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out & wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a grinning little old lady who was standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Plant Cuttings for Gifts I often give plants that I have started from cuttings as gifts. To brighten these up I use a water pic from the florist with one or 2 blossoms from my yard to add a bit of color. I stick the pic into the soil, and make a bow that matches in color or compliments the flowers or the pot and voila! By Linda Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ A prospective juror was being questioned by the District Attorney for a murder trial that had been in all the papers. "If the defendant were to be convicted tomorrow, could you kill him for his crime ?" "Well, no." replied the man. "But I could do it on Saturday if that would be OK."
Ceramics and Pottery Masters. I've always wanted to try this.
___________________________________________________ The manager of a large office noticed one of his department heads had hired a new man, so the boss called him into his office for a little orientation speech. "What is your name?" he asked. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last names only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. John Darling." "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..." __________ :D I remember "Shiny Shoes Robertson". ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 28 in
1774 Britain passed the Coercive Act against Massachusetts. 

1797 Nathaniel Briggs patented a washing machine. 

1834 The U.S. Senate voted to censure President Jackson for the
removal of federal deposits from the Bank of the United States. 

1854 The Crimean War began with Britain and France declaring war
on Russia. 

1864 A group of Copperheads attack Federal soldiers in Charleston,
IL. Five were killed and twenty were wounded. 

1865 Outdoor advertising legislation was enacted in New York. The
law banned "painting on stones, rocks and trees." 

1885 The Salvation Army was officially organized in the U.S. 

1898 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a child born in the U.S. to
Chinese immigrants was a U.S. citizen. This meant that they could
not be deported under the Chinese Exclusion Act. 

1905 The U.S. took full control over Dominican revenues. 

1910 The first seaplane took off from water at Martinques, France.
The pilot was Henri Fabre. 

1922 Bradley A. Fiske patented a microfilm reading device. 

1930 Constantinople and Angora changed their names to Istanbul and
Ankara respectively. 

1933 In Germany, the Nazis ordered a ban on all Jews in
businesses, professions and schools. 

1938 In Italy, psychiatrists demonstrated the use of electric-
shock therapy for treatment of certain mental illnesses. 

1939 The Spanish Civil War ended as Madrid fell to Francisco

1941 The Italian fleet was defeated by the British at the Battle
of Matapan. 

1942 British naval forces raided the Nazi occupied French port of
St. Nazaire. 

1945 Germany launched the last of the V-2 rockets against England.

1947 The American Helicopter Society revealed a flying device that
could be strapped to a person's body. 

1962 The U.S. Air Force announced research into the use of lasers
to intercept missiles and satellites. 

1968 The U.S. lost its first F-111 aircraft in Vietnam when it
vanished while on a combat mission. North Vietnam claimed that
they had shot it down. 

1974 A streaker ran onto the set of "The Tonight Show starring
Johnny Carson." 

1979 A major accident occurred at Pennsylvania's Three Mile Island
nuclear power plant. A nuclear power reactor overheated and
suffered a partial meltdown. 

1981 In Bangkok, Thailand, Indonesian terrorists hijacked an
airplane. Four of the five terrorists were killed on March 31. 

1986 The U.S. Senate passed $100 million aid package for the
Nicaraguan contras. 

1986 More than 6,000 radio stations of all format varieties played
"We are the World" simultaneously at 10:15 a.m. EST. 

1990 In Britain, a joint Anglo-U.S. "sting" operation ended with
the seizure of 40 capacitors, which can be used in the trigger
mechanism of a nuclear weapon. 

1991 The U.S. embassy in Moscow was severely damaged by fire. 

1994 Violence between Zulus and African National Congress
supporters took the lives of 18 in Johannesburg. 

1999 Paraguay's President Raúl Cubas Grau resigned after protests
inspired by the assassination of Vice-President Luis María Argaña
on March 23. The nation's Congress had accused Cubas and his
political associate, Gen. Lino César Oviedo, for Cubas' murder.
Senate President Luis González Macchi took office as Paraguay's
new chief executive. 

2010 China's Zhejiang Geely Holding Group Co. signed a deal to buy
Ford Motor Co.'s Volvo car unit.

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 1 view )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1465 )
Windows bottom clocks 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 27


Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Once again, the only thing that stopped a 
bad guy with a gun was a good guy with a gun
Today, March 27 in
1836 In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including their
commander James Fannin, were executed under orders from Gen.
Antonio López de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 Texans escaped
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up." "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?" "Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen." ______________________________________________________ After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a good Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys instead!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Hey! Where is my bread? Good bread! I don't have a trail camera, and the one with the key-fob remote control died 20 years ago. So I have to shoot through the storm door. The deer don't mind me being just a foot away, as long as I am on the other side of the door, but they run if I as much as stick an arm out the door. The storm door makes the pictures rough, but you get the idea. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A man walked into a dress shop and told the clerk he wanted to buy an evening gown for his wife for Christmas. "What size?" asked the clerk. The man shrugged blankly. Trying to help, the clerk inquired, "Well then, what are your wife's measurements?" The man thought for a moment. "Small, medium, and large, in that order." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Trystan Delk, Atlanta, Georgia Once again, the only thing that stopped a bad guy with a gun was a good guy with a gun In Atlanta, a woman almost became another crime statistic – until her son stepped in. When an armed thug tried to carjack a woman, he wasn’t stopped by a gun ban, a gun-free zone, or good feelings. He was stopped by a son who was killing to use a gun to save his mother. This wasn’t the first time the suspect, Trystan Delk (pictured above, from a previous arrest), had tried to rob someone that day. He won’t get the chance to rob anyone else for a long time. A Fulton County woman came face to face with an armed robber Thursday afternoon. “I was taking my grandson to doctor’s appointment and had one foot in the car when suddenly a car was blocking my driveway,” the woman said. The woman doesn’t want to be identified but told FOX 5 News, the driver immediately got out and rushed to her. “He said ‘Whose car is this? Give me the keys,” the woman said. Fulton County Police have identified the robber as Trystan Delk. “I started screaming so loud that my son who was inside at the time heard me and came out to help,” the woman said. Police said the woman’s son fired shots at Delk, hitting him multiple times. “He still managed to drive himself to a nearby fire station where he tried to play the victim,” the woman said. “He told them that he was the victim of an interstate shooting.” The woman said shortly after police put two and two together. “I also found out that my neighbor was also targeted just a few minutes before I was,” the woman said. Police said Delk faces armed robbery charges. “I hope for his sake he doesn’t come back or anyone for that matter,” the woman said. “Because this time I’ll be waiting.” Tech Support Pits From: Tanya Re: clocks
Dear Webby Are those clock screensavers the little bottom clocks, that we used to have, that were suddenly axed by Microsoft without any explanation? Or do these just work when the screen saver comes on? Tanya Dear Tanya These just work, when the screen saver comes on. The little bottom clocks were axed, because some sleazebag produced a whole bunch of them and bundled them with some rather nasty malware. The clocks were OK, but the payload was really bad, and Microsoft figured the fastest way to put a stop to that was to simply axe the abilitiry to have cute bottom clocks. Microsoft has since then relented and if you enable Sidebar.exe, you can have your analog bottom clock and even gauges for memory and CPU. Have FUN! DearWebby The old lady was aging more rapidly than he wanted. "Your gout is getting worse," said the doctor. "I recommend that you give up smoking, drinking and sex for a while." "WHAT!" screamed the woman, "just so's I can walk a little better? If it wasn't for smoking, drinking and sex I wouldn't get out of my rocker in the first place!"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Pete had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. So Pete went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Pete slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually worked!" "That's all fine" said the boss, "But where were you yesterday?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thrifty Gift Tags Cut the top part of used greeting cards off, then cut this down to whatever size (and shape) you wish, depending on the design. (If it's an angel, just cut her out.) I also like to use hearts or other shapes that perhaps match the occasion for the gift you will use them on. Punch a hole in it, write your sentiments on the back, and attach to your package with a colored ribbon or raffia. By Patricia Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Mrs. Johnson decided to have her portrait painted by a famous artist. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant." "But you are not wearing any of those things." "I know," said Mrs. Johnson. "My health is not good and my husband is having an affair with his secretary. When I die I'm sure he will marry her, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelry."
A mid century ranch house hides a literal treasure trove of unique rocks and minerals.
___________________________________________________ Classic from Glenn A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll." The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box.. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?" "Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 27 in
1794 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of the U.S. Navy. 

1802 The Treaty of Amiens was signed ending the French
Revolutionary War. 

1836 In Goliad, TX, about 350 Texan prisoners, including their
commander James Fannin, were executed under orders from Gen.
Antonio López de Santa Anna. An estimated 30 Texans escaped

1836 The first Mormon temple was dedicated in Kirtland, OH. 

1841 The first steam fire engine was tested in New York City. 
The steam engine was for pumping only, not for driving.

1860 The corkscrew was patented by M.L. Byrn. 

1884 The first long-distance telephone call was made from Boston
to New York. 

1899 The first international radio transmission between England
and France was achieved by the Italian inventor G. Marconi. 

1900 The London Parliament passed the War Loan Act that gave 35
million pounds to fighting the Boers in South Africa. 

1900 The Russian army mobilized 250,000 troops for active duty. 

1901 Filipino rebel leader Emilio Aguinaldo was captured by the

1904 Mary Jarris "Mother" Jones was ordered by Colorado state
authorities to leave the state. She was accused of stirring up
striking coal miners. 

1907 French troops occupied Oudja, Morocco, as a punitive action
for the murder of French Dr. Muchamp. 

1912 The first cherry blossom trees were planted in Washington,
DC. The trees were a gift from Japan. 

1917 The Seattle Metropolitans, of the Pacific Coast League of
Canada, defeated the Montreal Canadiens and became the first U.S.
hockey team to win the Stanley Cup. 

1931 Actor Charlie Chaplin received France’s Legion of Honor

1933 About 55,000 Jews staged a protest against Hitler in New York

1941 Tokeo Yoshikawa arrived in Oahu, HI, and began spying for
Japan on the U.S. Fleet at Pearl Harbor. 

1942 The British raided the Nazi submarine base at St. Nazaire,

1946 Four-month long strikes at both General Electric and General
Motors ended with a wage increase. 

1952 The U.S. Eighth Army reached the 38th parallel in Korea, the
original dividing line between the two Koreas. 

1958 Nikita Khrushchev became the chairman of the Soviet Council
of Ministers in addition to First Secretary of the Communist

1958 The U.S. announced a plan to explore space near the moon. 

1976 Washington, DC, opened its subway system. 

1988 The U.S. Senate ratified the Intermediate-Range Nuclear
Forces Treaty. 

1989 The U.S. anti-missile satellite failed the first test in

1993 In China, Communist Party leader Jiang Zemin was appointed

1997 Russian workers, nearly 2 million, held a nationwide strike
to protest unpaid wages. 

1997 In Australia, Governor-General William Deane signed a bill to
overturn a 1996 Northern Territory act to legalize assisted
suicides. The 1996 act was the first in the world to permit
assisted suicides. 

1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved the prescription drug Viagra.
It was the first pill for male impotence. 

1998 Top civilian aircraft makers in France, Spain, Germany and
Britain agreed to create single European aerospace and defense

2004 NASA successfully launched an unpiloted X-43A jet that hit
Mach 7 (about 5,000 mph). 

2007 NFL owners voted to make instant replay a permanent
officiating tool.

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 3 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 828 )
Clock Screensavers 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 26

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Children left alone in bad conditions 
while mom vacationed in Florida
Today, March 26 in
1804 The U.S. Congress ordered the removal of Indians east 
of the Mississippi to Louisiana. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Never confuse movement with action. --- Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961) I have often been afraid, but I would not give in to it. I made myself act as though I was not afraid and gradually my fear disappeared." --- Theodore Roosevelt For me, fear does not really disappear, I am used to it. The absence of fear scares me! That means there is something, that I am not aware of. --- DearWebby _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rubye for this story: Even Mother Superior knew good milk when she drank it. The 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused. Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with humility, "please give us some wisdom before you die." She raised herself up in bed and with a pious look on her face said, "Don't sell that cow." ______________________________________________________ One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going." "Why not?" she asked. I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them." His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why YOU SHOULD go to church. (1) You're 57 years old, and (2) you're the pastor!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ THE IMPORTANCE OF USING CORRECT EMAIL ADDRESSES A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules, it was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an email back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the email without realizing his error. In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she shrieked, fainted, and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife From: Your Already Departed Husband Subject: I've Arrived! I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is hot down here! _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicole Sciortino, 30, Vincent Licciardello, 30, Dunmore, Pennsylvania Children left alone in bad conditions while mom vacationed in Florida A Pennsylvania mother and father are charged with endangering the welfare of their two children after knowingly leaving them home alone for three days, investigators said. Nicole Sciortino and Vincent Licciardello, both 30, were arraigned Monday morning, according to WNEP. According to court papers, on Wednesday, March 7, Dunmore police responded to Sciortino's home on Monroe Avenue for a report of children who had been left alone for weeks. Licciardello lives at a different address. When officers arrived, they found a 10-year-old and an 11-year-old home by themselves. Police say the place was in deplorable condition, with food, boxes, pills and other trash on the floor. The thermostat read 58 degrees. After tracking down the mother of two, police say Sciortino first told them she wasn’t far away, but later admitted that she was in Florida. According to the document, she told investigators that the children’s father, Licciardello, was watching the kids and that she didn’t realize it was against the law to leave her two children home alone unsupervised for an extended period of time. Sciortino added that she “didn’t think it was really that bad.” During the investigation, police found that on Monday, March 5, Licciardello dropped the kids off early in the morning at their mother's home. Over the next three days, while their mother was in Florida, he would occasionally stop by to drop food off for the unsupervised children. Authorities say they believe the children were alone during their mother's vacation, but not for weeks, as the 911 caller alleged. Police say one child has missed 16 days of school this year, while the other has missed 26 days. “That hurts. I’m a mom of five kids. I couldn’t imagine leaving my kids for 10 minutes without an adult supervisor,” said Tamra Murphy. “Who’s feeding them, who’s washing their clothes, who’s making sure their homework is done? That upsets me beyond it. That hurts me.” “That’s insane to me,” said Kaylia Riley. “I mean, at the end of the day, I couldn’t even leave my dogs for three days by themselves, let alone children, especially small children. It’s just mind-blowing.” Sciortino and Licciardello were both charged Monday with endangering the welfare of children. Both were given $10,000 unsecured bail, so both walked free. Investigators said the two children are staying with family friends. Tech Support Pits From: Trish Re: Screen Saver
Dear Webby After reading an old letter it occurred to me that I don't have a 'screen saver' on. I don't know if it's best to have it on or not to, I'm sure some other readers would be interested to know. I loaded the mickey mouse one (or all of them for all I know), it did appear after whatever time I have screen saver on for but after half an hour or so the screen went black as it usually is when I leave my computer on. Is this the 'power saving thing happening' or what, I really am not sure why one should have a 'screen saver', does it 'save the screen' or what, "please explain". Think I read once that they just take up space on the computer. Not talking about the desktop picture, just screen saver and why if you put one on the thing goes black after a short while anyway. Thanks if you can answer this. Regards to you and yours, Trish Dear Trish The screensaver makes sure that you don't burn the default desktop into the screen. With today's monitors that is not so common, but I remember when I was a mobile computer tech and taking care of the government computers in the Yukon, and seeing all the 10 inch greenie monitors clearly showing the IBM DisplayWrite 4 menu, even when turned off. A moving picture prevents that from happening. The reason your monitor eventually turns off is not because it gets tired of amusing the dust bunnies, but to reduce your electricity bill. You can set the length of time it burns electricity, after you finish doing anything on it, in the power options. A monitor translates into a 300 Watt Mickey Mouse watch, just to amuse your dust bunnies while you are sleeping. Microsoft thought that was kinda silly and gave you the option to save some money. By the way, the clock screensavers are at This screensaver can be uninstalled through the [Control Panel] [Software Add remove programs] It can be installed through accounts with limited access rights. It supports multiple monitors. It contains No Adware, No Spyware, No nags, No registration, just time. Click here to download AJScreensaver for Windows 1.5Mb Have FUN! DearWebby Isaac Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found his wife Sarah in the arms of another man. He started to yell at the interloper, "What right have you got to be messing with my wife?" The man answered calmly, "You may as well know that I am in love with Sarah and I would like to marry her. I understand you're a gambler. Why don't you be a good sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I'll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce her.... Okay?" "Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little more interesting, why don't we play for a dollar a point?"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.'' The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. ''Sir,'' the usher said, ''if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.'' Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly. ''All right buddy, what's your name?'' ''Sam,'' the man moaned. ''Where ya from, Sam?'' the cop asked. ''The balcony.''
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Rheta for sending this poem: When I was very little, All the Grandmas that I knew All walked around this world, In ugly grandma shoes. You know the ones I speak of, Those black clunky heeled kind, They just looked so very awful That it weighed upon my mind, For I knew, when I grew old, I'd have to wear those shoes, I'd think of that, from time to time It seemed like such bad news. I never was a rebel, I wore saddle shoes to school. And next came ballerinas Then the sandals, pretty cool. And then came spikes with pointed toes, Then platforms, very tall, As each new fashion came I wore them, one and all. But always, in the distance, Looming in my future, there, Was that awful pair of ugly shoes, The kind that Grandmas wear. I eventually got married And then I became a Mom. Our kids grew up and left, And then their children came along. I knew I was a Grandma And the time was drawing near, When those clunky, black, old lace up shoes Was what I'd have to wear. How would I do my gardening? Or take my morning hike? I couldn't even think about How I would ride my bike! But fashions kept evolving, And one day I realized That the shape of things to come Was changing, right before my eyes. And now, when I go shopping What I see, fills me with glee. For, in my jeans and Reeboks I'm as comfy as can be. And I look at all these teenage girls And there, upon their feet Are clunky, black, old Grandma shoes, And they really think they're neat. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Shop for Gifts at the Dollar Store This year when gift shopping, consider buying gifts as well as decorative items from your local dollar store. I went into our dollar store yesterday and was very pleasantly surprised at the amount of decorative items as well as gift items available - and at such a reasonable price! By Robin Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Rose for this story: I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror--- wearing nothing but a camera!
Beautiful desert wild flowers in the Spring.
___________________________________________________ A certain tax attorney took on a very complex case of tax evasion for a rather mysterious client. He devoted over a year to the case, familiarizing himself with every loophole and angle of current legislation, and made a brilliant argument before the court. His client was called out of town when the jury returned with its verdict, a sweeping victory for his client on every count. Flushed with victory, the lawyer exuberantly cabled his client, "Justice has triumphed!" A realistic fellow, the client immediately wired back, "Appeal at once!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 26 in
1026 Conrad II was crowned Holy Roman Emperor by Pope John XIX. 

1799 Napoleon captured Jaffa Palestine. 

1793 The Holy Roman Emperor formally declared war on France. 

1804 The U.S. Congress ordered the removal of Indians east of the
Mississippi to Louisiana. 

1854 Charles III, duke of Parma, was attacked by an assassin. He
died the next day. 

1871 The Paris Commune was formally set up. 

1885 Eastman Kodak (Eastman Dry Plate and Film Co.) produced the
first commercial motion picture film in Rochester, NY.

1898 In South Africa, the world's first game reserve, the Sabi
Game reserve, was designated. 

1909 Russian troops invaded Persia to support Muhammad Ali as shah
in place of the constitutional government. 

1910 The U.S. Congress passed an amendment to the 1907 Immigration
Act that barred criminals, paupers, anarchists and carriers of
disease from settling in the U.S. 

1913 During the Balkan War, the Bulgarians took Adrianople. 

1917 At the start of the battle of Gaza, the British cavalry
withdrew when 17,000 Turks blocked their advance. 

1937 Spinach growers in Crystal City, TX, erected a statue of

1938 Herman Goering warned all Jews to leave Austria. 

1942 The Germans began sending Jews to Auschwitz in Poland. 

1945 The battle of Iwo Jima ended. 

1945 In the Aleutians, the battle of Komandorski began when the
Japanese attempted to reinforce a garrison at Kiska and were
intercepted by a U.S. naval force. 

1953 Dr. Jonas Salk announced a new vaccine that would prevent

1958 The U.S. Army launched America's third successful satellite,
Explorer III. 

1969 The TV movie "Marcus Welby" was seen on ABC-TV. It was later
turned into a series. 

1971 Sheikh Mujibur Rahman declared East Pakistan to be the
independent republic of Bangladesh. 

1971 "Cannon" premiered on CBS-TV as a movie. It was turned into a
series later in the year. 

1973 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat took over the premiership and
said "the stage of total confrontation (with Israel) has become

1979 The Camp David treaty was signed by Israel and Egypt that
ended the 31-year state of war between the countries. 

1983 The U.S. performed a nuclear test at the Nevada Test Site. 

1989 The first free elections took place in the Soviet Union.
Boris Yeltsin was elected. 

1991 The presidents of Argentina, Paraguay, Brazil and Uruguay
signed an agreement that established the Southern Cone Common
Market, a free-trade zone, by January 1, 1995. 

1992 In Indianapolis, heavyweight boxing champion Mike Tyson was
found guilty of rape. He was sentenced to 6 years in prison. He
only served three. 

1995 Seven of the 15 European Union states abolished border
controls. The other 8 thought ikt was a dumb idea.

1996 The International Monetary Fund approved a $10.2 billion loan
for Russia to help the country transform its economy. 

1997 The 39 bodies of Heaven's Gate members are found in a mansion
in Rancho Santa Fe, CA. The group had committed suicide thinking
that they would be picked up by a spaceship following behind the
comet Hale-Bopp. 

1998 In the U.S., the Federal government endorses new HIV test
that yields instant results. 

1998 Unisys Corp. and Lockheed Martin Corp. pay a $3.15 million
fine for selling spare parts at inflated prices to the U.S.
federal government. 

1999 The macro virus "Melissa" was reported for the first time. 

1999 In Michigan, Dr. Jack Kevorkian was convicted of second-
degree murder for giving a terminally ill man a lethal injection
and putting it all on videotape on September 17, 1998 for "60

2000 The Seattle Kingdome was imploded to make room for a new
football arena. 

2000 In Russia, acting President Vladimir Putin was elected
president outright. He won a sufficient number of votes to avoid a
runoff election. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 5 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 834 )
Mail size limits 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 22

Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs.
No fun for me. 
You get a vacation on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
The Monday issue will be in your mail again.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested for DUI,
again, said she 'knows the game'
Today, March 22 in
1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer).
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world. --- Arthur Schopenhauer (1788 - 1860) A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. --- Joseph Stalin (1879 - 1953) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Peter decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Peter's station wagon and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night. "I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Not to worry," Peter said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn." Nine months later, Peter got a letter from the widow's attorney. He then went up to visit his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?" "Yes, I do." "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?" "Yes, I have to admit that I did." "Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did." "Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!" ______________________________________________________ After a two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?" "Yes, we have, your honor," the foreman responded. "Would you please pass it to me," the judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him. After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court." "We find the defendant Not Guilty of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman. The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude. The man's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about that?" The defendant, with a bewildered look on his face turns to his attorney and says, "I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the money back, or do I have to do it again?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Frederick II, the eighteenth-century king of Prussia, fancied himself an enlightened monarch, and in some respects he was. On one occasion he is supposed to have interested himself in conditions in the Berlin prison and was escorted through it so that he might speak to the prisoners. One after the other, the prisoners fell to their knees before him, bewailing their lot and, predictably, protesting their utter innocence of all charges that had been brought against them. Only one prisoner remained silent, and finally Frederick's curiosity was aroused. "You," he called. "You there." The prisoner looked up. "Yes, Your Majesty?" "Why are you here?" "Armed robbery, Your Majesty." "And are you guilty?" "Entirely guilty, Your Majesty. I deserve my punishment." At this Frederick rapped his cane sharply on the ground and said, "Warden, release this guilty wretch at once. I will not have him here in jail where by example he will corrupt all the splendid innocent people who occupy it." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lacie Faye Schuman, 32, Jacksonville, Florida Florida woman arrested for DUI, again, said she 'knows the game' A woman has been arrested for driving under the influence with a unrestrained toddler in the vehicle, according to a St. Johns County Sheriff's Office police report. On Sunday at approximately 2:14 a.m., an officer came across Lacie Faye Schuman, 32, driving recklessly on Cypress Links Boulevard. St. Johns County police conducted a traffic stop and noticed a strong odor alcohol coming from the vehicle and found a 2-year-old boy inside.The toddler was not properly restrained, according to the report. Schuman's eyes were described as bloodshot and watery. She refused to perform a sobriety test or give a breath sample, stating "she knows the game." Schuman was arrested and charged with child neglect, DUI, and driving as a habitual offender. She has been arre3stedfor DUI a few times before. Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: Mail Size Restrictions
Dear Webby the size of each email that we can receive and now I am having trouble receiving any email with pictures. I wondered if you can give me a referral to Gmail? The Service Tech from my ISP said he thought you could receive any size email through it, and I have read several times in the Humor Letter where you speak pretty highly of it. I went to Google and read about it and really would like to try it. I hope you can help me. Thanks! Beverly M Dear Beverly You don't need referals anymore. Just go to Yes, with gmail there are no kindergarten limits. Just take your time to customize it to your liking, and you'll be quite happy with it. You can even use it with regular POP programs like Eudora or Outlook, not just with it's web interface. Have FUN! DearWebby An Irishman walks into a bar and says "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well, Murph, seems you're in a really good mood tonight, hm?" Murphy says, "Oh, you can bet on it! I just got hired by the city to go around and remove all the money from parking meters. I start on Monday!" The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round. Monday evening arrives. Murphy comes back into the bar and says "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!" The bartender says, "Well now! If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your paycheck!" Murphy looks at the bartender with a wondrous look on his face, pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket, and says "You mean they'll PAY me on top of it?"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her." The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!" she shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Cajun math A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Homemade Jigsaw Puzzle Make a personalized homemade jigsaw puzzle by gluing a photograph to a piece of 1/4 inch plywood. If you have a color ink jet printer you can print the photo yourself. Then use a jigsaw to cut your puzzle pieces. Glue a copy of the same picture to the lid of a cigar box and wrap the box for a great gift. Tip provided by Even easier and much faster is taking an old jigsaw puzzle and gluing a new picture on it. Then cut the pieces apart with a knive or even a pen. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled! Isn't she adorable?" Friend: "But your kid didn't smile." Father: "I was talking about the nurse!"
People are awesome, for the week.
___________________________________________________ Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here lies only the shell--the nut has gone!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 22 in
1457 Gutenberg Bible became the first bible printed with moveable

1622 Indians attacked a group of colonists in the James River area
of Virginia. 347 residents were killed. 

1630 The first legislation to prohibit gambling was enacted. It
was in Boston, MA. 

1638 Anne Hutchinsoon, a religious dissident, was expelled from
the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 

1719 Frederick William abolished serfdom on crown property in

1733 Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer). 

1765 The Stamp Act was passed. It was the first direct British tax
on the American colonists. It was repealed on March 17, 1766. 

1794 The U.S. Congress banned U.S. vessels from supplying slaves
to other countries. 

1841 Englishman Orlando Jones patented cornstarch. 

1872 Illinois became the first state to require sexual equality in

1873 Slavery was abolished in Puerto Rico. 

1882 The U.S. Congress outlawed polygamy. 

1894 The first playoff competition for the Stanley Cup began.
Montreal played Ottawa. 

1895 Auguste and Louis Lumiere showed their first movie to an
invited audience in Paris. 

1901 Japan proclaimed that it was determined to keep Russia from
encroaching on Korea. 

1902 Great Britain and Persia agreed to link Europe and India by

1903 Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought. 

1903 In Columbia, the region near Galera De Zamba was devastated
by a volcanic eruption. 

1904 The first color photograph was published in the London Daily
Illustrated Mirror. 

1905 Child miners in Britain received a maximum 8-hour workday. 

1906 France lost the first ever rugby game ever played against

1907 Russians troops completed the evacuation of Manchuria in the
face of advancing Japanese forces. 

1907 In Paris, it was reported that male cab drivers dressed as
women to attract riders. 

1910 In Liberia, a telegraph cable linked Tenerife and Monrovia. 

1915 A German zeppelin made a night raid on Paris railway

1919 The first international airline service was inaugurated on a
weekly schedule between Paris and Brussels. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill legalizing
the sale and possession of beer and wine containing up to 3.2%

1934 The first Masters golf championship began in Augusta, GA. 

1935 In New York, blood tests were authorized as evidence in court

1935 Persia was renamed Iran. 

1941 The Grand Coulee Dam in Washington began operations. 

1943 The Dutch workweek was extended to 54 hours. 

1943 Obligatory work for woman ends in Belgium. 

1945 The Arab League was formed with the adoption of a charter in
Cairo, Egypt. 

1946 The first U.S. built rocket to leave the earth's atmosphere
reached a height of 50-miles. It was a modifioed captured German

1948 The United States announced a land reform plan for Korea. 

1954 The first US shopping mall opened in Southfield, Michigan. 

1954 The London gold market reopened for the first time since

1960 A.L. Schawlow & C.H. Townes obtained a patent for the laser.
It was the first patent for any laser. 

1965 U.S. confirmed that its troops used chemical warfare against
the Vietcong. 

1974 The Viet Cong proposed a new truce with the U.S. and South
Vietnam. The truce included general elections. 

1977 Indira Ghandi resigned as the prime minister of India. 

1978 Karl Wallenda, of the Flying Wallendas, fell to his death
while walking a cable strung between two hotels in San Juan,
Puerto Rico. 

1982 The Space Shuttle Columbia was launched into orbit on mission
STS-3. It was the third orbital flight for the Columbia. 

1987 A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, to
find a place to unload. After being refused by several states and
three countries space was found back in Islip. 

1990 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Captain Hazelwood not
guilty in the Valdez oil spill. 

1991 Pamela Smart, a high school teacher, was found guilty in New
Hampshire of manipulating her student-lover to kill her husband. 

1992 A Fokker F-28 veered off a runway at New York's LaGuardia
airport and into Flushing Bay, killing 27 people. 

1993 Intel introduced the Pentium-processor (80586) 64 bits-60
MHz-100+ MIPS. 

1995 Russian cosmonaut Valeri Polyakov returned to Earth after
setting a record for 438 days in space. 

1997 Tara Lipinski, at 14 years and 10 months, became the youngest
women's world figure skating champion. 

2002 A collection of letters and cards sent by Princess Diana of
Wales sold for $33,000. The letters and cards were written to a
former housekeeper at Diana's teenage home.

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 5 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 536 )
How to keep newsletters out of spam 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 21

Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs.
No fun for me. 
You get a vacation on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
The Monday issue will be in your mail again.

Saw a headline today:
"Clinton: White Women Voted for Trump 
Because Their Husbands Told Them To"

What UFO did SHE get tossed off?
She sure does not know anything about American women!
American women traditionally vote the opposite of what they think
their husbands might vote, to cancel and negate his vote. No
reason, it's just tradition. Even I know that!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Decades-Old Rapes Solved After Man 
Pees on Neighbor's Plant
Today, March 21 in
1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was burned 
at the stake at Oxford after retracting the last of seven
recantations that same day. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. --- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A famous author was autographing copies of his new novel in a Cleveland department store. One gentleman pleased him by bringing up not only his new book for signature, but reprint editions of his two previous ones as well. "My wife likes your stuff," he remarked apologetically, "I thought I'd give her these signed copies for a birthday present." "A surprise, eh?" hazarded the author. "I'll say," agreed the customer. "She's expecting a Cadillac." ______________________________________________________ An "air freshener" salesman goes to an executive building to market his product to a prospective buyer. He steps in to an empty elevator and presses the 10th floor button. Just as the doors close, he lets out a God-awful fart. He then can feel the elevator stopping on the fifth floor and he knows that someone will be stepping on so he quickly sprays his new "Pine-Scented" air freshener to cover his tracks. The person that was on the 5th floor steps onto the elevator. The salesman decides that this is a good opportunity to test his product's quality so he asks the man, "excuse me sir, could you kindly tell me what you smell?" The man replies, "Yeah, smells like a turkey with diahrea hiding in a Christmas Tree". _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Air-head Re-charging? Or newest Japanese hair drier? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A young man asked a rich old man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said this: "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 PM for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Eric McKenna, 60, in jail in England Decades-Old Rapes Solved After Man Pees on Neighbor's Plant A man who raped two women at knifepoint in Britain avoided capture for over 30 years. Then he peed on his neighbor's potted plant. The BBC reports a 21-year-old woman was raped by a man while walking alone in 1983. An 18-year-old woman was raped in a similar situation five years later. The cases remained unsolved and unconnected until 60-year-old Eric McKenna was arrested in 2016 after getting in a dispute with his neighbor that culminated in him urinating in one of her potted plants, according to the Press Association. McKenna was given a warning for harassment and a DNA sample was taken. It was an exact match for samples recovered following both rapes. McKenna was arrested and charged with the rapes last year, Chronicle Live reports. He was sentenced to prison on Friday. "McKenna thought he had got away with his crimes, but a neighborly dispute and a moment of stupidity has landed him in prison for 23 years," Metro quotes Detective Constable Mick Wilson as saying. Wilson says McKenna has "failed to show a glimmer of remorse" for his crimes. As for the neighbor whose plant got peed on, she tells Chronicle Live: “I felt physically sick when I found out what he’d done ... I’m so glad I reported him and these women have got justice." Tech Support Pits From: Amber Rose Re: Cause of missed letters
Dear Webby I keep wondering what the problem is that some people have with getting your newsletter through AOL. I don't have any problem whatsoever, and I have AOL. Could the difference be that they do not have your e-mail address in their Address Book? AOL kept putting it into my Address Book whenever I received a newsletter. I kept deleting it because it was not one of my personal friends that I contact frequently. I was keeping my Address Book just for them. When I realized your newsletters were going into my Spam box, I finally realized. Now you are prominent in my Address Book along with my other friends, and I do believe you are a friend also. Your newsletter is the very best I have ever received. AmberRose Dear AmberRose You are 100% right. Nowadays AOL has become quite reliable, much better than for example Yahoo, and when the sender address is in the address book, the mail now always gets through. Have FUN! DearWebby Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed at Joel. "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel shot back. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two big men standing by the door?" Joel nodded. "They're hushers."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. "You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" "What's that got to do with it?" he asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two men sitting side by side in a 747 plane started to talk. One explained he had never flown before. They left the airport in New York City headed for Los Angeles. They landed in Chicago, whereupon a little red truck pulled up and refueled the plane. They again landed to refuel at Denver. The little red truck pulled up to the plane and refueled it. As they were about to land at their destination the veteran flier pointed out to the novice what great time they had made. The novice said, " Yes we made good time, but that little red wagon wasn't doing bad either." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Yarn as Ribbon Yarn is relatively inexpensive and makes attractive ribbon for gifts. Use multiple strands in colors that complement your wrapping paper for a fancy look. Make some loops of yarn and tie tightly in the middle of the loops. Leave in loops or cut the loop ends and make a pom pom for the top. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce." "Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house." The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?" The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is....... 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'"
5 Truly Odd Sports Invented in the Depths of Winter
___________________________________________________ When the phone rang at 6 a.m. in a California office, the caller from Florida was angry that the customer service department was closed. The early rising office manager told him that the office opened at 7 a.m. "Then it should be open now," said the caller, "it's already nine o'clock!" When the office manager explained the time difference the caller calmed down. Then, hoping to avoid further confusion, the manager told him the office would be open in one hour. The caller replied, "Is that your time or my time?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 21 in
1349 3,000 Jews were killed in Black Death riots in Efurt Germany.

1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was burned at
the stake at Oxford after retracting the last of seven
recantations that same day. 

1788 Almost the entire city of New Orleans, LA, was destroyed by
fire. 856 buildings were destroyed. 

1804 The French civil code, the Code Napoleon, was adopted. 

1824 A fire at a Cairo ammunitions dump killed 4,000 horses. 

1835 Charles Darwin & Mariano Gonzales met at Portillo Pass. 

1851 Emperor Tu Duc ordered that Christian priests be put to

1851 Yosemite Valley was discovered in California. 

1857 An earthquake hit Tokyo killing about 107,000. 

1858 British forces in India lift the siege of Lucknow, ending the
Indian Mutiny. 

1871 Journalist Henry M Stanley began his famous expedition to

1902 In New York, three Park Avenue mansions were destroyed when a
subway tunnel roof caved in. 

1907 The U.S. Marines landed in Honduras to protect American
interests in the war with Nicaragua. 

1908 A passenger was carried in a bi-plane for the first time by
Henri Farman of France. 

1909 Russia withdrew its support for Serbia and recognized the
Austrian annexation of Bosnia-Herzegovina. Serbia accepted
Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina on March 31, 1909. 

1910 The U.S. Senate granted ex-President Teddy Roosevelt a yearly
pension of $10,000. 

1918 During World War I, the Germans launched the Somme Offensive.

1925 The state of Tennessee enacted the Butler Act. It was a law
that made it a crime for a teacher in any state-supported public
school to teach any theory that was in contradiction to the
Bible's account of man's creation. 

1928 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge gave the Congressional Medal
of Honor to Charles Lindbergh for his first trans-Atlantic flight.

1934 A fire destroyed Hakodate, Japan, killing about 1,500. 

1935 Incubator ambulance service began in Chicago, IL. 

1941 The last Italian post in East Libya, North Africa, fell to
the British. 

1945 During World War II, Allied bombers began four days of raids
over Germany. 

1946 The United Nations set up a temporary headquarters at Hunter
College in New York City. 

1960 About 70 people were killed in Sharpeville, South Africa,
when police fired upon demonstrators. 

1963 Alcatraz Island, the federal penitentiary in San Francisco
Bay, CA, closed. 

1965 The U.S. launched Ranger 9. It was the last in a series of
unmanned lunar explorations. 

1965 More than 3,000 civil rights demonstrators led by the Rev.
Martin Luther King Jr. began a march from Selma to Montgomery, AL.

1966 In New York, demolition work began to clear thirteen square
blocks for the construction of the original World Trade Center. 

1971 Two U.S. platoons in Vietnam refused their orders to advance.

1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not require
one year of residency for voting eligibility. 

1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced to the U.S. Olympic
Team that they would not participate in the 1980 Summer Games in
Moscow as a boycott against Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 

1982 The United States, U.K. and other Western countries condemned
the Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 

1984 A Soviet submarine crashed into the USS Kitty Hawk off the
coast of Japan. 

1985 Larry Flynt offered to sell his pornography empire for $26
million or "Hustler" magazine alone for $18 million. 

1985 Police in Langa, South Africa, opened fire on blacks marching
to mark the 25th anniversary of the Sharpeville shootings. At
least 21 demonstrators were killed. 

1989 Randall Dale Adams was released from a Texas prison after his
conviction was overturned. The documentary "The Thin Blue Line"
had challenged evidence of Adams' conviction for killing a police

1990 Australian businessman Alan Bond sold Van Gogh's "Irises" to
the Gerry Museum. Bond had purchased the painting for $53.9
million in 1987. 

1990 Namibia became independent of South Africa. 

1991 27 people were lost at sea when two U.S. Navy anti-submarine
planes collided. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council lifted the food embargo against

1994 Dudley Moore was arrested for hitting his girlfriend. 

1994 Steven Spielberg won his first Oscars. They were for best
picture and best director for "Schindler's List." 

1994 Wayne Gretzky tied Gordie Howe's NHL record of 801 goals. 

1994 Bill Gates of Microsoft and Craig McCaw of McCaw Cellular
Communications announced a $9 billion plan that would send 840
satellites into orbit to relay information around the globe. 

1995 Tokyo police raided the headquarters of Aum Shinrikyo in
search of evidence to link the cult to the Sarin gas released on
five Tokyo subway trains. 

1999 Israel's Supreme Court rejected the final effort to have
American Samuel Sheinbein returned to the U.S. to face murder
charges for killing Alfred Tello, Jr. Under a plea bargain
Sheinbein was sentenced to 24 years in prison. 

2001 Nintendo released Game Boy Advance. 

2002 In Pakistan, Ahmed Omar Saeed Sheikh was charged with murder
for his role in the kidnapping of Wall Street Journal reporter
Daniel Pear. Three other Islamic militants that were in custody
were also charged along with seven more accomplices that were
still at large. 

2002 In Paris, an 1825 print by French inventor Joseph Nicephore
Niepce was sold for $443,220. The print, of a man leading a horse,
was the earliest recorded image taken by photographic means. 

2016 It was reported that the Kepler space telescope had captured
the visible light of a "shock breakout" when the star KSN 2011a
exploded. It was the first time an exploding star's brilliant
flash shockwave had been captured. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 2 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1023 )
Locked files 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 20
Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
CA burglar stops to watch adult movie, 
gets beat up and held for cops.
Today, March 20 in
1792 In Paris, the Legislative Assembly approved the use of the

1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50
slavery opponents began the new political group. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Literature is news that stays news. --- Ezra Pound (1885 - 1972) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day down by a river, a Baptist preacher had just baptized a young lady. A few minutes later, a drunk, non-religious man walked by the river. The preacher said to him, "Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk replied: "Schure, I'll give it a try!" The preacher got him in the water, dipped him in and then raised him back up. He said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk said no. The preacher again dipped him in and raised him back up. The preacher said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk again said no. The preacher dipped him and raised him up for a third time. He said, "Have you found Jesus?" The drunk said, "Are you schure thisch isch where he fell in?" ______________________________________________________ At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant. "Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you." she said. Then, returning to reality, she added, "But... if the big, dumb galoot is in the restaurant flirting at the waitress -- don't wait any longer." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ © Kenneth G. Libbrecht This is a real snow crystal: a single crystal of ice, in which the water molecules are all lined up in a regular crystalline lattice from tip to tip. You can see that the sidebranches are parallel to their neighboring main branches; this indicates the presence of crystal symmetry. If you are interested in snow crystals, go to Personally, I am ready for flowers. Due to lack of gullible warming, we still have lots of snow. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Three men died and went to heaven. St. Peter met them at the pearly gates and told the men that they would would each receive a car to drive. The only draw back was that they did not get to pick out the car they wanted, it was determined on how well they behaved on earth. St. Peter asked the first guy if he had ever cheated on his wife and he said, "Yes, I'm afraid I did one time." St. Peter told him that he would get a mid-size car to drive in heaven since he had cheated on his wife. St.Peter asked the second guy if he had cheated on his wife. "Yes, I'm afraid that I did twice during the time we were married," replied the second man.St. Peter told him that he would receive a compact car to drive in heaven. The third man was asked the same question and he replied, "No I am happy to report that I was happily married and never cheated on my wife!" St. Peter congratulated him and gave him a luxury car to drive in heaven. One day the first two men saw the man in the luxury car crying at a stop light and asked him why he was crying. After all he had gotten a luxury car. He replied, "I just saw my wife go by, and she was on ONE roller skate!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alan Estrada, 28, Los Angeles, California CA burglar stops to watch adult movie, gets beat up and held for cops. A male thief who broke into a Los Angeles home business stopped to watch porn, security footage has shown. The robber also took some time out to smoke and charge his phone. Store owners Lisa and Steve Mirizzi told KTLA he appeared to have snuck into the vent on Monday night. The couple first noticed the man, identified as 28-year-old Alan Estrada, roaming around their apartment at night before confronting him. Lisa described walking downstairs to make some tea only to find Estrada watching porn on the computer and masturbating. Screaming when she saw him, her son and husband then ran down stairs and chased the intruder. Estrada originally tried to escape through one door only to find it was padlocked and when he dashed for another one, son Giovanni got a hold of him. After he 'decked him, picked him up and body-slammed him' police were called to the scene and arrested Estrada. The intruder is said to have taken cash and credit cards from the shop, according to police. The stolen goods have since been returned. Tech Support Pits From: Hilary Re: Locked files
Dear Webby I have a new computer and the files from the old computer have been copied over but I cannot open them - you have just made a suggestion about that one. However I keep getting messages from Yahoo Broadband to say it has a problem with Microsoft and to tell Microsoft about it!! Best wishes from England, it is still mild over here. Hilary Dear Hilary Right-click c:\ (Local Drive) in the File Explorer and take the checkmark off the READ ONLY option. It's -20 here right now and the Ice-Age freaks lord it over the Global Warming freaks. Have FU!N DearWebby Two elderly men were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ed noticed something funny about Joe's ear. He said, "Joe did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" "I have? A suppository?" He pulled it out and stared at it. Then he said: "Ed, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
This guy was walking on the beach and found what looked like a genie bottle so he rubbed it and sure enough out came a genie. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes." The man thought for a while and said, "O.K. for my first wish I want a Red Lambourgini." and poof there on the beach was a brand new red Lambourgini. "for my second wish I want 3 milloin dollars." and poof three million dollars apeared on the seat in the Lambourgini. He said "Now for my third wish make me irresistable to women." and poof, the genie turned him into a box of chocolates.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. "Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out, 'Is that you, Jim ?' And that cured him." "Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how ?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Allan." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Saucer Decoupage Picture Frame If you any have saucers without a cup, you can cut a family picture to fit in the center of the saucer. Glue the picture to the saucer and decorate around the picture. Let it dry and then give it a coating of decoupage. Let that dry and apply a second coating. Slip it in a decoupage box, decorated by you, and add a pretty bow. - Gladys Hill Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ A business associate of mine decided it was time to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet seriously, even changing his driving route to avoid his favorite bakery. One morning, however, he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake. We all scolded him, but his smile remained cherubic. "This is a very special coffeecake," he explained. "I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window were a host of goodies. I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, `Lord, if you want me to have one of those delicious coffeecakes, let me have a parking place directly in front of the bakery.' "And sure enough," he continued, "the eighth time around the block, there it was!"
Best entries so far for the 2018 Sony World Photography Awards.
___________________________________________________ Inscribed in stone over the great front doors of an old church being restored was: "This is the Gate of Heaven." Just below it someone had placed a small cardboard sign which read: "Use Other Entrance" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 20 in
0141 The 6th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet took

1413 Henry V took the throne of England upon the death of his
father Henry IV. 

1525 Paris' parliament began its pursuit of Protestants. 

1616 Walter Raleigh was released from Tower of London to seek gold
in Guyana. 

1627 France & Spain signed an accord for fighting Protestantism. 

1739 In India, Nadir Shah of Persia occupied Delhi and took
possession of the Peacock throne. 

1760 The great fire of Boston destroyed 349 buildings. 

1792 In Paris, the Legislative Assembly approved the use of the

1800 French army defeated the Turks at Helipolis, Turkey, and
advanced into Cairo. 

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte entered Paris after his escape from Elba
and began his "Hundred Days" rule. 

1816 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed its right to review state
court decisions. 

1852 Harriet Beecher Stowe’s book "Uncle Tom’s Cabin," subtitled
"Life Among the Lowly," was first published. 

1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50
slavery opponents began the new political group. 

1865 A plan by John Wilkes Booth to abduct U.S. President Abraham
Lincoln was ruined when Lincoln changed his plans and did not
appear at the Soldier’s Home near Washington, DC. 

1868 Jesse James Gang robbed a bank in Russelville, KY, of

1885 John Matzeliger of Suriname patented the shoe lacing machine.

1886 The first AC power plant in the U.S. began commercial

1891 The first computing scale company was incorporated in Dayton,

1896 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to protect U.S. citizens in
the wake of a revolution. 

1897 The first U.S. orthodox Jewish Rabbinical seminary was
incorporated in New York. 

1897 The first intercollegiate basketball game that used five
players per team was held. The contest was Yale versus
Pennsylvania. Yale won by a score of 32-10. 

1899 At Sing Sing prison, Martha M. Place became the first woman
to be executed in the electric chair. She was put to death for the
murder of her stepdaughter. 

1900 It was announced that European powers had agreed to keep
China's doors open to trade. 

1902 France and Russia acknowledged the Anglo-Japanese alliance.
They also asserted their right to protect their interests in China
and Korea. 

1906 In Russia, army officers mutiny at Sevastopol. 

1911 The National Squash Tennis Association was formed in New York

1914 The first international figure skating championship was held
in New Haven, CT. 

1915 The French called off the Champagne offensive on the Western

1918 The Bolsheviks of the Soviet Union asked for American aid to
rebuild their army. 

1922 U.S. President Warren G. Harding ordered U.S. troops back
from the Rhineland. 

1922 The USS Langley was commissioned. It was the first aircraft
carrier for the U.S. Navy. 

1932 The German dirigible, Graf Zepplin, made the first flight to
South America on regular schedule. 

1933 The first German concentration camp was completed at Dachau. 

1934 Rudolf Kuhnold gave a demonstration of radar in Kiel Germany.

1940 The British Royal Air Force conducted an all-night air raid
on the Nazi airbase at Sylt, Germany. 

1943 The Allies attacked Field Marshall Erwin Rommel's forces on
the Mareth Line in North Africa. 

1947 A blue whale weighing 180-metric tons was caught in the South

1952 The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty with Japan. 

1956 Mount Bezymianny on Kamchatka Peninsula (USSR) exploded. 

1956 Tunisia gained independence from France. 

1964 The ESRO (European Space Research Organization) was

1969 U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy called on the U.S. to close all
bases in Taiwan, a really dumb move. 

1976 Patricia Hearst was convicted of armed robbery for her role
in the hold up of a San Francisco Bank. 

1980 The U.S. made an appeal to the International Court concerning
the American Hostages in Iran. 

1981 Argentine ex-president Isabel Peron was sentenced to eight
years in a convent. 

1982 U.S. scientists' returned from Antarctica with the first land
mammal fossils found there. 

1984 The U.S. Senate rejected an amendment to permit spoken prayer
in public schools. 

1985 For the first time in its 99-year history, Avon
representatives received a salary. Up to that time they had been
paid solely on commissions. 

1985 Libby Riddles won the 1,135-mile Anchorage-to-Nome dog race
becoming the first woman to win the Iditarod. 

1989 In Belfast, two policemen were killed. The IRA claimed

1990 Namibia became an independent nation ending 75 years of South
African rule. 

1990 Imelda Marcos, widow of ex-Philippines dictator Ferdinand
Marcos, went on trial for racketeering, embezzlement and bribery. 

1990 In Rumania, tanks were sent to the town of Tirgu Mures to
quell ethnic riots. 

1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled unanimously that employers could
not exclude women from jobs where exposure to toxic chemicals
could potentially damage a fetus. 

1991 The U.S. forgave $2 billion in loans to Poland. 

1992 Janice Pennington was awarded $1.3 million for accident on
the set of the "Price is Right" TV show. 

1993 Russian President Boris Yeltsin declared emergency rule. He
set a referendum on whether the people trusted him or the hard-
line Congress to govern. 

1993 An Irish Republican Army bomb was detonated in Warrington,
England. A 3-year-old boy and a 12-year-old boy were killed. 

1995 About 35,000 Turkish troops crossed the northern border of
Iraq in pursuit of the separatist rebels of the Kurdistan Workers
Party (PKK). 

1995 In Tokyo, 12 people were killed and more than 5,500 others
were sickened when packages containing the nerve gas Sarin was
released on five separate subway trains. The terrorists belonged
to a doomsday cult in Japan. 

1996 The U.K. announced that humans could catch CJD (Mad Cow

1997 Liggett Group, the maker of Chesterfield cigarettes, settled
22 state lawsuits by admitting the industry marketed cigarettes to
teenagers and agreed to warn on every pack that smoking is

1998 India's new Hindu nationalist-led government pledges to
"exercise the option to induct nuclear weapons." 

1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones became the first men to
circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon. The non-stop trip
began on March 3 and covered 26,500 miles. 

1999 Legoland California opened Carlsbad, California. 

2000 Former Black Panther Jamil Abdullah Al-Amin, once known as H.
Rap Brown, was captured following a shootout that left a
sherriff's deputy dead. 

2002 Actress Pamela Anderson disclosed that she had hepatitis C. 

2002 Arthur Andersen pled innocent to charges that it had shredded
documents and deleted computer files related to the energy company

2003 Cisco Systems Inc. announced it was buying The Linksys Group
INc. for $500 million in stock. 

2003 U.S. and British forces invaded Iraq from Kuwait. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 6 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1089 )
CD drive reboots computer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 19

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Habitual gun thief caught in Florida
Today, March 18 in
1931 The state of Nevada legalized gambling.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt... Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt, except themselves. --- Robert Anton Wilson The public will believe anything, so long as it is not founded on truth. --- Edith Sitwell _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this observation: My sister decided that marriage is not for her. She has no end of trouble trying to double any recipe in the book. For example her oven doesn't go to 700 degrees. ______________________________________________________ A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. "Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." "By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "I fixed that dripping tap in your bath." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A Somali arrives in Calgary as a new immigrant to Canada. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, " Thank you Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, foodstamps, free medical care and free education!" The passer-by says, "You are wrong, I am Mexican" The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Canada!" The person says, "I no Canadian, I Vietnamese." The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful Canada!" That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Syria, I am not Canadian!" He finally sees a nice lady and asks "Are you a Canadian?" She says, "No, I am from Russia!" Puzzled he asks her, "Where are all the Canadians?" The Russian lady checks her watch and says: "Probably at work!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bruquanna Griffin, Jacksonville, Floriduh Florida woman pleads guilty to stealing guns from 3 stores A Jacksonville woman is facing up to 15 years in prison after pleading guilty to stealing guns from three local stores over the summer. Bruquanna Griffin’s profile picture on Facebook shows her posing with a large gun. “She came and snuck in behind [the counter], opened her purse and started shoveling pistols into her purse,” said Green Acres Sporting Goods salesman Phillip Gazaleh. Gazaleh said employees locked the door so she couldn’t escape before police got there. “She was like, ‘I’m not taking nothing. I just wanted to take a look at the guns.’ Which was obviously a blatant lie. She had the guns in her purse,” Gazaleh said. Griffin has been booked into Duval County jail eight times since 2015 -- mostly theft charges, including one at Beauty Depot in 2016 when police say she got kids involved. The JSO report said Griffin walked into Beauty Depot in Edgewood with three kids and had them help her steal shoes. The report said they ran out into the parking lot where a getaway truck was waiting. Police said Griffin tried to drive off without the kids, and eventually told at least one child to get in the pickup truck bed. “There has to be a certain point where you put an end to it. You can’t be a habitual thief and keep getting out of jail, or keep getting away scot-free. At a certain point, you have to be held accountable for your actions,” Gazaleh said. Tech Support Pits From: Buddy Re: CD drive causes a restart
Dear Webby I began to have this problem recently. When i put a disk into the CD write drive to store info or make a duplicate copy the computer shuts down immediately and restarts itself. is the drive bad or is it another problem. Thanks Buddy Dear Buddy Yes, I would say the drive is bad. You can try re-installing the burner software, but I have a hunch that may be a waste of time. Have FU!N DearWebby After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the department of motor vehicles, a lady stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for her son. She brought her selection, a baseball bat, to the cash register. "Cash or charge," the clerk asked. "Cash," she snapped, then apologizing for her rudeness. She explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the department of motor vehicles and I am way past sane." The clerk kindly asked, "Shall I gift wrap the bat, or are you going back there?"
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear. No car was to enter unless it had a special sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The chauffeur, a corporal, says, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have a sticker on the windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or the the driver?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience The man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew." "Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?" "Just once," the man replied. The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?" The man said, "I was looking for my father." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Choosing a Veterinarian When you are choosing a veterinarian, ask friends and family in your area if they have a vet they would recommend. It's important to find a vet that is good with both people and animals; someone who is willing to take time to answer any questions that you may have. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob", where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems: "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee."
Follow in the footsteps of 10th-century emperors.
___________________________________________________ Classic: Thanks to Sandie for this story: Southern Grandmother on the Witness Stand: Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you" The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife With three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him". The defense attorney almost died. The judge promptly asked both lawyers to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 19 in
1571 Spanish troops occupied Manila. 

1628 The Massachusetts colony was founded by Englishmen. 

1644 200 members of the Peking imperial family/court committed

1687 French explorer La Salle was murdered by his own men while
searching for the mouth of the Mississippi River, in the Gulf of

1702 Upon the death of William III of Orange, Anne Stuart, the
sister of Mary, succeeds to the throne of England, Scotland and

1748 The English Naturalization Act passed granting Jews right to
colonize in the U.S. 

1775 Poland & Prussia signed a trade agreement. 

1831 The first bank robbery in America was reported. The City Bank
of New York City lost $245,000 in the robbery. 

1865 The Battle of Bentonville took place. The Confederates
retreated from Greenville, NC. 

1866 The immigrant ship Monarch of the Seas sank in Liverpool
killing 738. 

1879 Jim Currie opened fire on the actors Maurice Barrymore and
Ben Porter near Marshall, TX. The shots wounded Barrymore and
killed Porter. 

1895 The Los Angeles Railway was established to provide streetcar

1900 U.S. President McKinley asserted that there was a need for
free trade with Puerto Rico. 

1900 Archeologist Arthur John Evans began the excavation of
Knossos Palace in Greece. 

1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Cuban treaty, gaining naval
bases in Guantanamo and Bahia Honda. 

1905 French explorer S. de Segonzac was taken prisoner by

1906 Reports from Berlin estimated the cost of the German war in
S.W. Africa at $150 million. 

1908 The state of Maryland barred Christian Scientists from
practicing without medical diplomas. 

1915 Pluto was photographed for the first time. However, it was
not known at the time. 

1917 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the Adamson Act that made the
eight-hour workday for railroads constitutional. 

1918 The U.S. Congress approved Daylight-Saving Time. 

1918 A slow German seaplane was shot down for the first time by an
American pilot. 

1920 The U.S. Senate rejected the Versailles Treaty for the second
time maintaining an isolation policy. 

1924 U.S. troops were rushed to Tegucigalpa as rebel forces took
the Honduran capital. 

1931 The state of Nevada legalized gambling. 

1940 The French government of Daladier fell. 

1942 The Thoroughbred Racing Association was formed in Chicago. 

1944 Tippett's oratorium "Child of Our Time," premiered in London.

1945 About 800 people were killed as Japanese kamikaze planes
attacked the U.S. carrier Franklin off Japan. 

1945 Adolf Hitler issued his "Nero Decree" which ordered the
destruction of German facilities that could fall into Allied hands
as German forces were retreating. 

1947 Chiang Kai-Shek's government forces took control of Yenan,
the former headquarters of the Chinese Communist Party. 

1948 Lee Savold knocked out Gino Buonvino in 54 seconds of the
first round of their prize fight at Madison Square Gardens. 

1949 The Soviet People's Council signed the constitution of the
German Democratic Republic, and declared that the North Atlantic
Treaty was merely a war weapon. 

1954 Viewers saw the first televised prize fight shown in color
when Joey Giardello knocked out Willie Tory in round seven at
Madison Square Garden in New York City. 

1954 The first rocket-driven sled that ran on rails was tested in
Alamogordo, NM. 

1963 In Costa Rica, U.S. President John F. Kennedy and six Latin
American presidents pledged to fight Communism. 

1965 Indonesia nationalized all foreign oil companies. 

1965 Rembrandt's "Titus" sold for $7,770,000. 

1968 Students at Howard University seized an administration

1969 The British invaded Anguilla. 

1972 India and Bangladesh signed a friendship treaty. 

1976 Buckingham Palace announced the separation of Princess
Margaret and her husband, the Earl of Snowdon, after 16 years of

1977 Congo President Marien Ngouabi was killed by a suicide

1977 France performed a nuclear test at Muruora Island. 

1981 During a test of the space shuttle Columbia two workers were
injured and one was killed. 

1981 The Buffalo Sabres set an NHL record when they scored 9 goals
in one period against Toronto. 

1984 A Mobile oil tanker spilled 200,000 gallons into the Columbia

1985 IBM announced that it was planning to stop making the PCjr
consumer-oriented computer. 

1985 The U.S. Senate voted to authorize production of the MX

1987 Televangelist Jim Bakker resigned from the PTL due to a
scandal involving Jessica Hahn. 

1988 Two British soldiers were killed by mourners at a funeral in
Belfast, North Ireland. The soldiers were shot to death after
being dragged from a car and beaten. 

1990 Latvia's political opposition claimed victory in the
republic's first free elections in 50 years. 

1990 The first world ice hockey tournament for women was held in

1991 Brett Hull, of the St. Louis Blues, became the third National
Hockey League (NHL) player to score 80 goals in a season. 

1994 The largest omelet in history was made with 160,000 eggs in
Yokohama, Japan. 

1998 The World Health Organization warned of tuberculosis epidemic
that could kill 70 million people in next two decades. 

1999 53 people were killed and dozens were injured when a bomb
exploded in a market place in southern Russia. 

2000 Vector Data Systems conducted a simulation of the 1993 Branch
Davidian siege in Waco, TX. The simulation showed that the
government had not fired first. 

2001 California officials declared a power alert and ordered the
first of two days of rolling blackouts. 

2002 Operation Anaconda, the largest U.S.-led ground offensive
since the Gulf War, ended in eastern Afghanistan. During the
operation, which began on March 2, it was reported that at least
500 Taliban and al Qaeda fighters were killed. Eleven allied
troops were killed during the same operation. 

2003 U.S. President George W. Bush announced that U.S. forces had
launched a strike against "targets of military opportunity" in
Iraq. The attack, using cruise missiles and precision-guided
bombs, were aimed at Iraqi leaders thought to be near Baghdad. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 6 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 1034 )
Desktop background is tiling 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 18

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Montana teen arrested for robbing 
Barnes and Noble and Golden Corral 
with box cutter
Today, March 18 in
1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. --- Slovenian Proverb You can never learn less; you can only learn more. The reason I know so much is because I have made so many mistakes. --- Buckminster Fuller _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!" ______________________________________________________ An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Pigeon Point, San Mateo County coastline. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" He asks. "Same time as before... Noon," Replies the clerk. Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered. "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?" The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you." "No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tyler Anthony Espinosa, 18, Billings, Montana Montana teen arrested for robbing Barnes and Noble and Golden Corral with box cutter A man accused of robbing two neighboring West End businesses with a box cutter Wednesday afternoon was arrested shortly after. Tyler Anthony Espinosa, 18, faces two charges of felony robbery after he brandished a box cutter at employees of both the Golden Corral and Barnes and Noble and demanded money. The first robbery was reported at about 3:10 p.m., according to a press release from Billings Police Department Sgt. Scott Conrad. Espinosa entered the Golden Corral, showed the box cutter and demanded money, according to police. After the employee gave him money, Espinosa left and went to the Barnes and Noble across the parking lot. At about 3:13 p.m., police received a report that a man had entered the Barnes and Noble, displayed a box cutter and demanded money. A cashier gave him all the money in the till. Police, already responding to the reported robbery at Golden Corral, arrested Espinosa in the area of 24th Street West and Monad Road shortly after he left Barnes and Noble, according to the press release. The press release credits BPD Officer Tina Hoeger with Espinosa's arrest. Hoeger was in her patrol car when she saw Espinosa fleeing after the second robbery. The box cutter blade was extended during the robberies, Conrad said. Espinosa was arrested without incident, according to the release. Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Desktop Background
Dear Webby I have a question that you may be able to help with (or not). I find tons of photos all over the internet that I love to use for our desktop background, changing it often. Most of the time they work; other times, they come out in repeat squares of the photo all over the screen rather than one very nice photo. I’ve attached 2 of those that do this; would you open them, then try to choose as background and see what happens. If you get repeats all over too, is there any chance you can tell me why? I know that with my luck, they’ll work fine for you! If that’s the case, then I give up and will just hang on to the ones I find that work and say c’est la vie. I look forward to hearing from you whenever you have time to play around. Thanks a bunch and also many thanks always for my DearWebby letter; I love them! Bonnie Dear Bonnie Those pictures are too small to look nice when stretched to the entire desktop. For best results, resize pictures to whatever you have set for your screen resolution. If you have your resolution set to 1600 x 1200, then a 400 x 300 picture would have to be stretched 4 times, and probably would look very coarse and VERY ugly. Sometimes you can shuffle the size up in increments. Double the size, do an edge-preserving-smoothing, sharpen a bit, then increase the size again, and so on. It doesn't work with all pictures, but some may be worth trying. Usually, it is best to just use large pictures. On the better sites, you can click through the pictures to get a larger version. Have FU!N DearWebby
Sven was out shopping in the mall when he met his friend Ole outside the jewelers. Ole noticed that Sven had a small gift-wrapped box in his hand. "So vat have you just purchased Sven?" Ole asks. "Vell, now that you've asked," replies Sven, "it's my Lena's birthday tomorrow and I asked her this morning vat she vanted for her birthday she said, 'Oh, I don't know, dear, yust give me something with a lot of diamonds in it.'" "So vat did you get her?" Ole asks. Sven replied, smiling, "I bought her a deck of cards." -------------- Keep in mind that the smart Swedes emigrated to Minnasohta and Mexifornia. The rest of them are still in Sweden, ordering their under-age daughters to NOT report rapes by Muslim immigrants, so as not to make Sweden appear "racist".
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Once upon a time, a woman had a wonderful, faithful cat. One day, a man ran over the cat accidentally with his car. So, the man went to the old woman and said, "I'm terribly sorry about your cat. I'd like to replace him." "That so nice of you!", said the old woman, deeply touched. "How good are you at catching mice?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Easy Egg Salad for Sandwiches By Verity Pink [45 Posts, 19 Comments] Next time you are cooking scrambled eggs, cook a double quantity and leave half to cool. These can then be mashed with your preferred mayonnaise and freshly ground black pepper to taste. It saves all the palaver of shelling boiled eggs, and is easier to mix into the bargain. I normally scramble my eggs with salted butter - if you prefer to use only skimmed milk, you may wish to add salt. If I am not planning to use the sandwich filling immediately, I will usually store in the fridge for up to three days, covered with cling film. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ From another reader who wants to NOT have her name mentioned: Hi Webby How are you and yours? I loved the 'story' about the "George and Dragon", still laughing because I know which "George and Dragon" pub that is in England it's in West Wycombe Buckinghamshire, and yes George probably would have been the 'best bet' I'm sending the story on to some friends who 'frepuent' that particular pub, they'll laugh too. Regards ***** (who should remain nameless if you print this for obvious reasons.
Rainbow colored mountains.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: My two brothers arrived at boot camp together. On the first morning, their unit was dragged out of bed by a drill sergeant and made to assemble outside. "My name's Sergeant Jackson," he snarled. "Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?" My six-foot-three, 280-pound, brother raised his hand and said, "Yes sir, I do." The Sergeant replied with a snarl, "I had my eye on you and I was hoping you would say that." The sergeant grabbed him by the arm and led him out in front of the entire group. "Men," he said, "this is my new assistant. Now is there anyone here who thinks he can whip both of us?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 18 in
0037 The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius’ will and proclaims Caligula

1190 Crusaders killed 57 Jews in Bury St. Edmonds England. 

1532 The English parliament banned payments by English church to

1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of the
Mississippi River. 

1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers. 

1692 William Penn was deprived of his governing powers. 

1813 David Melville patented the gas streetlight. 

1818 The U.S. Congress approved the first pensions for government

1834 The first US railroad tunnel was completed. The work was in

1835 Charles Darwin left Santiago Chile on his way to Portillo

1850 Henry Wells & William Fargo founded American Express. 

1865 The Congress of the Confederate States of America adjourned
for the last time. 

1874 Hawaii signed a treaty giving exclusive trading rights with
the islands to the U.S. 

1881 Barnum and Bailey's Greatest Show on Earth opened in Madison
Square Gardens. 

1891 Britain became linked to the continent of Europe by

1899 Phoebe, a moon of the planet Saturn, was discovered. 

1900 Ajax (Amsterdam Football Club) was formed. 

1902 In Turkey, the Sultan granted a German syndicate the first
concession to access Baghdad by rail. 

1903 France dissolved the Catholic religious orders. 

1906 In Morocco, it was reported that France and Germany were in a
deadlock at the Algeciras Conference. 

1909 Einar Dessau of Denmark used a short wave transmitter to
become the first person to broadcast as a "ham" operator. 

1911 Theodore Roosevelt opened the Roosevelt Dam in Arizona. It
was the largest dam in the U.S. at the time. 

1911 North Dakota enacted a hail insurance law. 

1913 Greek King George I was killed by an assassin. Constantine I
succeeded him. 

1916 Russia countered the Verdun assault with an attack at Lake
Naroch. The Russians lost 100,000 men and the Germans lost 20,000.

1917 The Germans sank the U.S. ships, City of Memphis, Vigilante
and the Illinois, without any warning. 

1920 Greece adopted the Gregorian calendar. 

1921 Poland was enlarged with the second Peace of Riga. 

1921 The steamer "Hong Koh" ran aground off of Swatow China. Over
1,000 people were killed. 

1922 Mohandas K. Gandhi was sentenced to six years in prison for
civil disobedience in India. He served only 2 years of the

1931 Schick Inc. displayed the first electric shaver. 

1937 More than 400 people, mostly children, were killed in a gas
explosion at a school in New London, TX. 

1938 Mexico took control of all foreign-owned oil properties on
its soil. 

1938 New York first required serological blood tests of pregnant

1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini held a meeting at the
Brenner Pass. The Italian dictator agreed to join in Germany's war
against France and Britain during the meeting. 

1942 The third military draft began in the U.S. because of World
War II. 

1943 The Reich called off its offensive in Caucasus. 

1943 American forces took Gafsa in Tunisia. 

1944 The Russians reached the Rumanian border in the Balkans
during World War II. 

1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin, because there were still
some houses standing. 

1945 Maurice "Rocket" Richard became the first National Hockey
League (NHL) player to score 50 goals. 

1948 France, Great Britain, and Benelux signed the Treaty of

1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) was ratified. 

1950 Nationalist troops landed on the mainland of China and
capture Communist held Sungmen. 

1952 In Philadelphia, PA, the first plastic lenses were fitted for
a cataract patient. 

1953 An earthquake hit West Turkey killing 250 people. 

1954 RKO Pictures was sold for $23,489,478. It became the first
motion picture studio to be owned by an individual. The person was
Howard Hughes. 

1959 U.S. President Eisenhower signed the Hawaii statehood bill. 

1962 French and Algerian rebels agreed to a truce. 

1963 "Tovarich" opened at the Broadway Theater in New York City
for 264 performances. 

1963 France performed an underground nuclear test at Ecker

1963 The U.S. Supreme Court handed down the Miranda decision
concerning legal council for defendants. 

1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk
when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around
the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes. 

1966 The government of Indonesia was formed by General Suharto. 

1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1. 

1968 The U.S. Congress repealed the requirement for a gold

1969 U.S. President Nixon authorizes Operation Menue. It was the
‘secret’ bombing of Cambodia. 

1970 The U.S. Postal Service experienced the first postal strike. 

1970 The NFL selected Wilson to be the official football and
scoreboard as official time. 

1971 U.S. helicopters airlifted 1,000 South Vietnamese soldiers
out of Laos. 

1971 A landslide in Lake Yanahuani, Chungar Peru, killed 200. 

1974 Most of the Arab oil-producing nations ended their five-month
embargo against the United States, Europe and Japan. 

1975 Saigon abandoned most of the Central Highlands of Vietnam to

1975 The Kurds ended their fight against Iraq. 

1977 Vietnam turned over an MIA to a U.S. delegation. 

1979 Iranian authorities detained American feminist Kate Millett.
The next day she was deported. 

1980 The Vostok rocket exploded on the launch pad killing 50. 

1981 The U.S. disclosed that there were biological weapons tested
in Texas in 1966. 

1986 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Prince Andrew
to Sarah Ferguson. 

1986 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that a clear,
polyester thread was to be woven into bills in an effort to thwart

1987 The U.S. performed nuclear tests at a Nevada test site. 

1990 Thirteen paintings were stolen from the Isabella Stewart
Gardner Museum in Boston. The value was $100 million making it the
largest art robbery in history. 

1989 A 4,400-year-old mummy was discovered at the Pyramid of
Cheops in Egypt. 

1990 The first free elections took place in East Germany. 

1990 In Tampa, FL, a little league player was killed after being
hit with a pitch. 

1992 Leona Hemsly was sentenced to 4 years in prison for tax

1992 White South Africans voted for constitutional reforms that
would give legal equality to blacks. 

1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy. 

1997 A Russian AN-24 crashed killing 50 people. 

2003 China's new president, Hu Jintao, announced that his country
must deepen reforms and raise living standards of workers and

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 4 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 956 )
Image Stabilizer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 17

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Oregon Daycare owner drugged kids
Today, March 17 in
1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia 
during the Revolutionary War. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952), The road to hell is paved with adverbs. --- Stephen King (1947 - ) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint... my... house." ______________________________________________________ A young man goes to the pet store, looks around, sees a dog he likes somewhat, and asks the manager for help. "I like this breed, but this one's legs are too short" he says to the clerk. And the clerk says, "What do you mean, 'Too short'? They reach the floor, don't they?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ We got another foot of snow yesterday. No Gullible Warming here. In another month or two we hope to get these flowers. In case you don't have flowers yet, enjoy these! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Darlene for this story: Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged. Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit. Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all col- lapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apart- ment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!" As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?" "Sure," he replied. "Did you run into any problems?" "No." "Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!" Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said, "Geez, you idiots! The legs unscrew!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by January Irene Neatherlin, 32, Bend, Oregon Oregon Daycare owner drugged kids The operator of the Little Giggles day care center in Bend, Ore., had a rule: Parents couldn't drop off or collect their children between 11am and 2pm. That was the period January Neatherlin referred to as "nap time"—and when she headed out to go tanning and to CrossFit. The 32-year-old was on Friday sentenced to just north of 21 years in prison after pleading guilty to 11 counts of first- degree criminal mistreatment and one count of third-degree assault. Per court documents, Neatherlin would give the children in her care the sleep aid melatonin and then take off. Her misdeeds didn't end there: the daycare was an illegal one, and she was not a registered nurse, though she told parents otherwise. The Oregonian reports the scheme unraveled after an ex-boyfriend and ex-roommate tipped off police, who began tracking Neatherlin a year ago. They observed her exiting the house on two occasions, leaving alone seven kids, ages 6 months to 4 years, reports the Bend Bulletin. Bend Police Sgt. Devin Lewis testified that "what we saw was shocking." For example, one of the kids left unattended was found covered in damp vomit, and KTVZ reports Lewis feared the child could have possibly suffocated without intervention. Using CrossFit and Tan Republic records, police verified Neatherlin visited those establishments during "nap time" hours. Four of the charges relate to prior incidents, in which Neatherlin was said to have burned a baby with scalding milk; on another occasion, an 11-month-old was taken to a hospital with head injuries. Said the sentencing judge: "It is sheer serendipity and chance that some of those kids were not killed." Tech Support Pits From: Adrian Re: Image Stabilizer
Dear Webby You recommended the Canon Powershot IS and mentioned that it had an image stabilizer to cope with that big zoom. How does that work? Is it one of those buzzing gyroscopes like some binoculars have? Adrian Dear Adrian A gyroscope would not be steady enough at the resolution of that camera. It's all done electronically. The camera just merges a few of your jitters into one picture and holds that for a second. In bright light, for closer shots, and especially for action shots, turn the image stabilizer off. Don't use the image stabilizer for shots of waterfalls! It will "freeze" the water and make it look silly. Waterfalls look much better with some blur. Have FU!N DearWebby
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he says to St. Peter , "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes?" St. Peter said, "That's a question only God can answer". So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, "God, please ~ I must know. Am I a white horse with black stripes or a black horse with white stripes?" God simply replied "You are what you are." The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked, "Well, did God answer your question?" The zebra looked puzzled. "No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.'" St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, "Well then, that answers it ~ you are a white horse with black stripes." The zebra asked, "How do you know that?" "Because," said St. Peter, "If you were a black horse with white stripes, God would have said, "Yo is what yo is."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" Well, the mother did not really want to get into a deep discussion about innocence and virginity, especially since this was the fourth wedding of the bride, so she fibbed: "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is one of the happiest days of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "Mom, why is the groom wearing black?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Groan Alert! This month will be the anniversary of Albert Einstein's birthday. He was born March 14, 1879. Few remember that Einstein married his cousin, Elsa Lowenthal, after his first marriage dissolved in 1919. He stated that he was attracted to Elsa because she was well endowed. He postulated that, if you are attracted to women with a large chest, the attraction is stronger if there is a DNA connection. It was called Einstein's Theory of Relative titty. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Getting More Juice Out Lemons Submerge lemons in hot tap water before squeezing and it will yield almost twice as much juice. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ At the counter, a woman was complaining about the departure time, saying, "Young man, I could stick a feather in my butt and get there faster." The clerk smiled and said, "Yeah, and you'd save extra time by not having to go through Security! Go for it!"
Rainbow colored mountains.
___________________________________________________ Q. According to Cosmo magazine, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 17 in
0461 Bishop Patrick, St. Patrick, died in Saul. Ireland celebrates
this day in his honor.

1756 St. Patrick's Day was celebrated in New York City for the first
time. The event took place at the Crown and Thistle Tavern. 

1766 Britain repealed the Stamp Act that had caused resentment in
the North American colonies. 

1776 British forces evacuated Boston to Nova Scotia during the
Revolutionary War. 

1868 Postage stamp canceling machine patent was issued. 

1884 In Otay, California, John Joseph Montgomery made the first
manned, controlled, heavier-than-air glider flight in the United

1886 20 Blacks were killed in the Carrollton Massacre in

1891 The British steamer Utopia sank off the coast of Gibraltar. 

1901 In Paris, Vincent Van Gogh's paintings were shown at the
Bernheim Gallery. 

1909 In France, the communications industry was paralyzed by

1910 The Camp Fire Girls organization was founded by Luther and
Charlotte Gulick. It was formally presented to the public exactly 2
years later. 

1914 Russia increased the number of active duty military from
460,000 to 1,700,000. 

1917 America’s first bowling tournament for ladies began in St.
Louis, MO. Almost 100 women participated in the event. 

1930 Al Capone was released from jail. 

1930 In New York, construction began on the Empire State Building.
Excavation at the site began on January 22. 

1942 Douglas MacArthur became the Supreme Commander of the Allied
forces in the Southwestern Pacific. 

1944 At the end of World War II, the U.S. bombed Vienna. Austria had
given up by then. 

1950 Scientists at the University of California at Berkeley
announced that they had created a new radioactive element. They
named it "californium". It is also known as element 98. 

1958 The Vanguard 1 satellite was launched by the U.S. 

1959 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) fled Tibet and
went to India. 

1961 The U.S. increased military aid and technicians to Laos. 

1962 Moscow asked the U.S. to pull out of South Vietnam. 

1966 A U.S. submarine found a missing H-bomb in the Mediterranean
off of Spain. 

1969 Golda Meir was sworn in as the fourth premier of Israel. 

1970 The U.S. Army charged 14 officers with suppression of facts in
the My Lai massacre case. 

1972 U.S. President Nixon asked Congress to halt busing in order to
achieve desegregation. 

1973 Twenty were killed in Cambodia when a bomb went off that was
meant for the Cambodian President Lon Nol. 

1973 The first American prisoners of war (POWs) were released from
the "Hanoi Hilton" in Hanoi, North Vietnam. 

1982 In El Salvador, four Dutch television crewmembers were killed
by government troops. 

1985 U.S. President Reagan agreed to a joint study with Canada on
acid rain. 

1989 A series of solar flares caused a violent magnetic storm that
brought power outages over large regions of Canada. 

1992 In Buenos Aires, 10 people were killed in a suicide car-bomb
attack against the Israeli embassy. 

1992 White South Africans approved constitutional reforms to give
legal equality to blacks. 

1995 Gerry Adams became the first leader of Sinn Fein to be received
at the White House. 

1998 Washington Mutual announced it had agreed to buy H.F. Ahmanson
and Co. for $9.9 billion dollars. The deal created the nation's
seventh-largest banking company. 

1999 A panel of medical experts concluded that marijuana had medical
benefits for people suffering from cancer and AIDS. 

1999 The International Olympic Committee expelled six of its members
in the wake of a bribery scandal. 

2000 In Norway, Jens Stotenberg and the Labour Party took office as
Prime Minister. The coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik
resigned on March 9 as a result of an environmental dispute. 

2000 In Kanungu, Uganda, a fire at a church linked to the cult known
as the Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments killed
more than 530. On March 31, officials set the number of deaths
linked to the cult at more than 900 after authorities subsequently
found mass graves at various sites linked to the cult. 

2004 NASA's Messenger became the first spacecraft to enter into
orbit around Mercury. The probe took more than 270,000 pictures
before it crashed into the surface of Mercury on April 30, 2015. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 9 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 861 )
Settings for Logitech 7 button mouse 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 16
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Indiana parents OD'd in the middle of the road, 
with 3 kids in the car
Today, March 16 in
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ What it means to be Irish 1) You will never play professional basketball. 2) You swear very well. 3) At least one of your cousins is a fireman, cop, bar owner, funeral home owner or holds political office. 4) You think you sing very well. 5) You have no idea how to make a long story short! 6) There isn't a big difference between you losing your temper or killing someone. 7) Much of your childhood meals were boiled. 8) You have never hit your head on a ceiling. 9) You spent a good portion of your childhood kneeling in prayer (ya know ya were thinkin' about bein' bad whether ya did it or not). 10) You're strangely poetic after a few beers. 11) You are, therefore, poetic alot. 12) You will be punched for no good reason...alot. 13) Some punches directed at you are from legacies of past generations. 14) Many of your sisters and/or cousins are named Mary, Catherine or Eileen ... and there is at least one member of your family with the full name of Mary Catherine Eileen . 15) Someone in your family is incredibly cheap. It is more then likely you. 16) You may not know the words, but that doesn't stop you from singing. 17) You can't wait for the other guy to stop talking before you start talking. 18) You're not nearly as funny as you think you are...but what you lack in talent, you make up for in frequency. 19) There wasn't a huge difference between your last Wake and your last keg party. 20) You are, or know someone, named Murph. 21) If you don't know Murph then you know Mac. If you don't know Murph or Mac then you know Sully. Then you probably know Sully McMurphy. 22) You are genetically incapable of keeping a secret. 23) You have Irish Alzheimer's... you forget everything but the grudges! 24) "Irish Stew" is a euphemism for "boiled leftovers." 25) All of your losses are alcohol related (loss of virginity, loss of driver's license, loss of money, loss of job, loss of significant other, loss of teeth from punch...) but it never stops you from drinking!!! ______________________________________________________ These three English guys are out drinking one night and decide that they want to have a fight. They stagger from pub to pub looking for a likely victim to pick on when they come across a single Irishman in this one bar. "Watch this." Says the first Englishman, heading over toward the guy, "I hear that St Patrick was a shift lifter." "Really." Says the Irishman, calmly continuing to drink. With that the second English guy decides to join in, "Yeah, and hear he was a pervert too." "Is that so?" the still calm Irishman responds. "I know how to rile this tosser." Says the third Englishman, staggering toward the Irishman, "Hey, did you know St Patrick was really an Englishman?" The Irish guy casually looks up and says, "Yeah, so your mates were telling me." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Wood carving from Dongyang, China _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ One Saturday morning Murphy gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the gun and goes to the garage to warm up his truck and head down to his favorite hunting area. Murphy backs his truck out of the garage and discovers the rain is really pouring down, It is like a torrential downpour. There is also some snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 MPH. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so minutes later, he puts his truck in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, he whispers, "The weather out there is really terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid ass husband is out hunting in that shit?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Adam B. Smith,31, Donnis Smith,29 Chalmers, Indiana Indiana parents OD'd in the middle of the road, with 3 kids in the car Indiana police arrested two parents Friday night after they allegedly overdosed on heroin with their three young children in their SUV, according to WXIN. A passing motorist called police to report the 2003 Mercury Mountaineer SUV sitting in the middle of a Carroll County. The caller told the dispatch officer the two adults inside the vehicle weren't responding. “They will do almost anything to get that fix whether or not they place another person or a child in danger,” said Carroll County Sheriff Tobe Leazenby. Emergency crews arrived and administered Narcan after determining the two had likely overdosed on heroin. They transported the couple to a local hospital, where they were treated. They were later turned back over to law enforcement to be jailed. Authorities identified the parents as 31-year-old Adam B. Smith and his wife, 29-year-old Donnis Smith, both of Chalmers. Officers booked them into the Carroll County Jail on preliminary charges of felony neglect of a dependent child. They’re both being held on $5,000 bond and additional criminal charges are pending. Their children, ages 4, 6, and 11, were turned over to Department of Child Services case managers. Sheriff Leazenby says he has seen this cycle of abuse in his county repeatedly, and his department makes at least a dozen drug arrests each month. The spike in drug cases has led to overcrowding at his jail. “We have been above capacity for some time,” said Sheriff Leazenby. Based on statements made during the arrest of the couple, investigators searched a Carroll County home. There, they arrested 43-year-old Sara Huff on drug charges including dealing meth and cocaine. Investigators say more charges could be filed during this ongoing investigation. Tech Support Pits From: Nania Re: New Logitech Mouse
Dear Webby I got a Logitech M510 7 button mouse on your advice about 7 years ago. It has been a good mouse and outlasted a few lovers. Unfortunately, it got unpredictable. So I went and bought an identical one. Everything the same, except the price. Re-using the same old wireless USB button did not work. They are not THAT advanced! OK, so I got my handy dandy dental pliers and extracted the silly USB plug, and inserted the new one. The new mouse was configured for kindergarten. The Copy and Paste buttons on the side were now Forward and Back, for the widdle kiddies to bwowse their Disney stff. I spent an hour, almost, searching where to set the buttons to the way I am used to using them. Apparently that is too high for Windoze. How do I get my settings back? Thanks Nania Dear Nania Yes, you are right. That is too high for windoze. It would have been easy enough to save the config somewhere, but microsoft is punishing you for not buying a microsoft mouse. Use search everything to find setpoint or options_680.372 that is the program for setting the 7 buttons. (Copy, paste, left- click, right-click, scroll left, scroll right, enter) for enter on pushing down the wheel you have to select more and type in enter. Don't ask me why. After that your mouse will behave like your last one. Luckily windoze remembered the speed and double-click duration. You don't have to reset that. Have FU!N DearWebby
Maureen O'Murrah had taken a Manhattan taxi home from work, since both of the ladies she usually carpooled with had taken sick. In the confusion of the short-handed office staff, and hurrying downstairs to meet the cab, she had left her purse behind. As the cab pulled up to her apartment building, she was looking about the seat for her purse when the driver told her the price of her ride. In great embarrassment, she said, "Och. I'm not believin' I did this, Sir, but me purse isn't here. I must have left behind. I'm sorry, but I'm not havin' the money to pay you just now." The driver was... well, he was a Manhattan taxi driver. He said, "That's all right Missy, I'll just pull down into that dark street ahead, and get back there with you, and I'll just take your panties off." Maureen chuckled, and said "Shure, an' it's the poor end of the trade that you'll be gettin'. These panties only cost eighty-nine cents."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Murphy said to his daughter, "I want you home by eleven o'clock." She said, "But Father, I'm no longer a child!" He said, "I know, that's why I want you home by eleven."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
This kid comes home all wet, one shoe off and one shoe on, dripping water all over the house. "Momma, momma, I fell in the drainage canal !!!" "Omigosh! How did you get out?" "This man was walking nearby, heard me yelling, and jumped in to save me." Maureen rushes out the door, runs to the canal, and finds a gentleman trying to dry himself off with old newspapers. "Are you the man who pulled my little boy out of the canal?" "Yes, ma'am, but it was really nothing." "Nothing?" she screamed, "what did you do with his other shoe?!?!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from St. Patrick's Day Sherbet Float By lalala... [848 Posts, 108 Comments] St. Patrick's Day Sherbet Float Ingredients: lemon-lime soda lime sherbet whipped cream green and white sprinkles Airheads Xtremes Bites candy Steps: Put two scoops of sherbet into a glass. Add the lemon-lime soda. Top with whipped cream and sprinkles. add soda Top with whipped cream and sprinkles. add sprinkles Finish it off with a rainbow candy. Enjoy! Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd enjoyed on a previous trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of an overworked waiter, he said, "You know, it's been over five years since I first came in here." "I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait your turn, sir," replied the waiter with typical New York charm. "I can only serve one table at a time."
Rainbow colored mountains.
___________________________________________________ A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in Ireland, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition. "No!" she said rather sternly. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she said again. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" by this time she was fairly shouting. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman interrupted impatiently. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "I might have a word with George?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 16 in
1190 The Crusaders began the massacre of Jews in York, England. 

1521 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan reached the
Philippines. He was killed the next month by natives. 

1527 The Emperor Babur defeated the Rajputs at the Battle of Kanvaha
in India. 

1621 Samoset walked into the settlement of Plymouth Colony, later
Plymouth, MA. Samoset was a native from the Monhegan tribe in Maine
who spoke English. 

1802 The U.S. Congress established the West Point Military Academy
in New York. 

1836 The Republic of Texas approved a constitution. 

1850 The novel "The Scarlet Letter," by Nathaniel Hawthorne, was
published for the first time. 

1871 The State of Delaware enacted the first fertilizer law. 

1882 The U.S. Senate approved a treaty allowing the United States to
join the Red Cross. 

1883 Susan Hayhurst graduated from the Philadelphia College of
Pharmacy. She was the first woman pharmacy graduate. 

1907 The world's largest cruiser, the British Invincible was
completed at Glasgow. 

1908 China released the Japanese steamship Tatsu Maru. 

1909 Cuba suffered its first revolt only six weeks after the
inauguration of Gomez. 

1913 The 15,000-ton battleship Pennsylvania was launched at Newport
News, VA. 

1915 The Federal Trade Commission began operation. 

1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated his throne. 

1926 Physicist Robert H. Goddard launched the first liquid-fuel

1928 The U.S. planned to send 1,000 more Marines to Nicaragua. 

1935 Adolf Hitler ordered a German rearmament and violated the
Versailles Treaty. 

1939 Germany occupied the rest of Czechoslovakia. 

1945 Iwo Jima was declared secure by the Allies. However, small
pockets of Japanese resistance still existed. 

1946 Algerian nationalist leader Ferhat Abbas was freed after
spending a year in jail. 

1946 India called British Premier Attlee's independence off
contradictory and a propaganda move. 

1947 Martial law was withdrawn in Tel Aviv. 

1950 Congress voted to remove federal taxes on oleomargarine. 

1964 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson submitted a $1 billion war on
poverty program to Congress. 

1968 U.S. troops in Vietnam destroyed a village consisting mostly of
women and children. The event is known as the My-Lai massacre. 

1978 Italian politician Aldo Moro was kidnapped by left-wing urban
guerrillas. Moro was later murdered by the group. 

1982 Russia announced they would halt their deployment of new
nuclear missiles in Western Europe. 

1984 Mozambique and South Africa signed a pact banning the support
for one another's internal enemies. 

1984 William Buckley, the CIA station chief in Beirut, was kidnapped
by gunmen. He died while in captivity. 

1985 "A Chorus Line" played its 4,000 performance. 

1985 Terry Anderson, an Associated Press newsman, was taken hostage
in Beirut. He was released in December 4, 1991. 

1987 "Bostonia" magazine printed an English translation of Albert
Einstein’s last high school report card. 

1988 Indictments were issued for Lt. Colonel Oliver North, Vice
Admiral John Poindexter of the National Security Council, and two
others for their involvement in the Iran-Contra affair. 

1988 Mickey Thompson and his wife Trudy were shot to death in their
driveway. Thompson, known as the "Speed King," set nearly 500 auto
speed endurance records including being the first person to travel
more than 400 mph on land. 

1989 In the U.S.S.R., the Central Committee approved Gorbachev's
agrarian reform plan. 

1989 The Soviet Communist Party's Central Committee approved large-
scale agricultural reforms and elected the party's 100 members to
the Congress of People's Deputies. 

1993 In France, ostrich meat was officially declared fit for human

1994 Tonya Harding pled guilty in Portland, OR, to conspiracy to
hinder prosecution for covering up the attack on her skating rival
Nancy Kerrigan. She was fined $100,000. She was also banned from
amateur figure skating. 

1994 Russia agreed to phase out production of weapons-grade

1995 NASA astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to
visit the Russian space station Mir. 

1998 Rwanda began mass trials for 1994 genocide with 125,000
suspects for 500,000 murders. 

1999 The 20 members of the European Union's European Commission
announced their resignations amid allegations of corruption and
financial mismanagement.

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 5 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 744 )
What to do about scams 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 15

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Police arrest burglar who crawled through 
attic space into neighbor’s apartment
Today, March 15 in
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high ranking
Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of March." 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. [info][add][mail][note]Dave Barry (1947 - ) You can only be young once. But you can always be immature. --- Dave Barry _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to David for this story: "Late again," the third-grade teacher said to little Sammy. "It ain't my fault, Miss Crabtree. "You can blame this on my dad. The reason I'm three hours late? Dad sleeps nights in the raw!" Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some odd years. So she asked little Sammy what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Sammy and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth. "You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote. The last Few nights he done et six hens and killed Ma's best milk goat. And last night, when Dad heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, 'That coyote's back again, I'm a gonna git him!'" "'Stay back, he yelled to all us kids, I wouldn't want ya hurt!' He was naked as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that double barrel through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old hound dog Zeke had done woke up and come asneakin' up behind Dad. Then we all looked on plumb helpless as Dad was cold-nosed without warnin'." "Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'!" ______________________________________________________ At the candy store Judi had about 20 bags of candy. A smart-alek behind her in line told her: "You should push the air out of them. The candies might cost less if they don't have the weight of the air in them." So for a few minutes she let the air out of the bags. After she did that he told her it didn't really matter. It would have weighed the same. Judi was more confused than ever and said, "If having air in the bag doesn't weigh any more, then why does it make the bags look so fat?" I offered to squeeze her for a while, but she threw a bag at me. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Barnegat, NJ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Barry for this story: A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed? "Breast-fed,"she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist," the doct or ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk." "I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came." _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bauselll Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Heather Jo Campbell, 46 Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Police arrest burglar who crawled through attic space into neighbor’s apartment A bizarre burglary case in Oklahoma ended with an arrest Monday night after the suspect was found in her neighbor’s closet, according to KFOR. “The female who was inside one of the apartments went up into the attic, went to the other one and dropped down into the closet of the neighbor’s residence and began trying to steal clothing out of there,” said Master Sergeant, Gary Knight, with the Oklahoma City Police Department. Police arrested Heather Jo Campbell, 46, and discovered she had an active arrest warrant for another burglary from New Year’s Day. Kelcie Proctor says her dad woke up early that morning to find a woman lying on the floor beside his bed. “My dad assumed it was my brother’s date. And so was like, 'What are you doing upstairs with me? Go downstairs with Kase,'” said Proctor. Her dad and the woman walked downstairs. He even gave her a cup of coffee before she walked out the front door. “And my dad basically goes, 'Hey, your date’s leaving and Kase goes, 'What date, dad?' And at that point, they realized oh, this woman’s not supposed to be in our house!” said Proctor. That’s when the family noticed several of their reusable shopping bags loaded down with stuff the woman had evidently intended to steal. “Fried chicken, spices, toilet paper, bleach, what else. She had my used toothpaste, my shower caddy, my brother’s old hoodies,” said Proctor. Police were able to identify the suspect because she left her cell phone behind at the Proctor home. An arrest warrant was issued at that time but police had not been able to find her until the burglary at the apartments on Monday. Proctor is glad she is finally in custody. “It’s crazy that this woman has the audacity to just walk into people's houses while they’re sleeping. It’s scary. My story is funny, but it’s terrifying,” said Proctor. Proctor said Campbell did get away with her brother’s laptop and some expensive headphones. Police say Campbell has multiple prior felony convictions, many of them for burglary. Tech Support Pits From: Linda Re: What to do about a scam?
Dear Webby My friend shared your today's message with me. Delightful. She also suggested you might be able to answer a question for me. This morning I received a spam message from "someone" purporting to be "An American Soldier" but really it was spam (i.e. discovered some money in Iraq and needed help, etc.). It made me angry. Is there anyone I can send this spam message to and they can stop it?? Thank you. Linda Dear Linda That's just a 419 scam, also called "Nigerian scam" or "Advance Fee scam", and it has been going around since the first Iraq war. Unless you are willing to travel to Nigeria and take the law into your own hands, about all you can do is send it to the US Secret Service. US Secret Service Financial Crimes Division 950 H Street N.W. Suite 5300 Washington, DC 20223 Phone: (202) 406-5850 Fax: (202) 406-5031 The Secret Service is not really doing anything about it, even though this scam costs Americans over 170 Million Dollars a year, but apparently they draw up neat charts showing how many more people fall for that same old scam each year. By the way, do NOT go to Nigeria to meet some good looking US General. He is dead. Somebody already fixed his wagon. However, the crooks still use his picture. Have FUN! DearWebby
The Wrong Side of the Bed Mother Superior was on her way to late morning prayers, when she passed two novices just leaving early morning prayers, on their way to classes. As she passed the young ladies, Mother Superior said, "Good morning, ladies." The novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior, may God be with you." But after they had passed, Mother Superior heard one say to the other, "I think she got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning." This startled Mother Superior, but she chose not to pursue the issue. A little further down the hall, Mother Superior passed two of the Sisters who had been teaching at the convent for several years. She greeted them with, "Good morning, Sister Martha, Sister Jessica, may God give you wisdom for our students today." "Good morning, Mother Superior. Thank you, and may God be with you." But again, after passing, Mother Superior overheard, "She got out of the wrong side of bed today." Baffled, she started to wonder if she had spoken harshly, or with an irritated look on her face. She vowed to be more pleasant. Looking down the hall, Mother Superior saw retired Sister Mary approaching, step by step, with her walker. As Sister Mary was rather deaf, Mother Superior had plenty of time to arrange a pleasant smile on her face, before greeting Sister Mary. "Good morning, Sister Mary. I'm so happy to see you up and about. I pray God watches over you today, and grants you a wonderful day." "Ah, Good morning, Mother Superior, and thank you. I see you got up on the wrong side of bed this morning." Mother Superior was floored! "Sister Mary, what have I done wrong? I have tried to be pleasant, but three times already today, people have said that about me." Sister Mary stopped her walker, and looked Mother Superior in the face. "Oh, don't take it personally, Mother Superior. It's just that you're wearing Father Murphy's slippers.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At the Checkout counter of the discount department store where I was a cashier, customers frequently asked me under what circumstances items were returnable. One woman who came through my line must have been aware of store policy. She pointed to the lacy red-and-black negligee she was about to purchase. "May I bring this back if it doesn't work?" she asked.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Sandie for this: If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2,112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 10,000 soldiers. The firearm death rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 10,000 for the same period. That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq. Conclusion: If these statistics are true, the U.S. should pull out of Washington immediately. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Use Your Answering Machine for New Baby Info With a new baby, you can spend a lot of time fielding calls from family members when you would rather just be relaxing. One thing you can do is leave a message on your answering machine giving the baby's name, weight, gender, and it's date and time of birth. Ask people to leave a message so you can call them back at a later date. That way you can rest and they can get the information they want about your new arrival. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ A woman brought an old picture of her dead husband to the photographer. She asked the photographer if he could remove the hat from the picture. He convinced her he could easily do that, and asked her what side of his head he parted his hair on. "I forget," she said. "But you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."
Artist arranges natural objects into ephemeral patterns and designs.
___________________________________________________ It was young Anthony's first ride in a railway train, and the succession of wonders reduced him to a state of hysterical astonishment. The train rounded a slight bend and, with a shriek of its whistle, plunged into a tunnel. There were gasps of surprise from the corner where Anthony was kneeling on his seat. Suddenly the train rushed into broad daylight again, and a small voice lifted in wonder. "Wow! It's tomorrow!" exclaimed the small boy. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 15 in
44 BC Roman Emperor Julius Caesar was assassinated by high ranking
Roman Senators. The day is known as the "Ides of March." 

1341 During the Hundred Years War, an alliance was signed between
Roman Emperor Louis IV and France's Philip VI. 

1493 Christopher Columbus returned to Spain after his first New
World voyage. 

1778 In command of two frigates, the Frenchman la Perouse sailed
east from Botany Bay for the last lap of his voyage around the

1781 During the American Revolution, the Battle of Guilford
Courthouse took place in North Carolina. British General Cornwallis'
1,900 soldiers defeated an American force of 4,400. 

1862 General John Hunt Morgan began four days of raids near the city
of Gallatin, TN. 

1864 Red River Campaign began as the Union forces reach Alexandria,

1875 The Roman Catholic Archbishop of New York, John McCloskey, was
named the first American cardinal. 

1877 The first cricket test between Australia and England was played
in Melbourne. Australia won by 45 runs. 

1892 New York State unveiled the new automatic ballot voting

1892 Jesse W. Reno patented the Reno Inclined Elevator. It was the
first escalator. 

1901 German Chancellor von Bulow declared that an agreement between
Russia and China over Manchuria would violate the Anglo-German
accord of October 1900. 

1902 In Boston, MA, 10,000 freight handlers went back to work after
a weeklong strike. 

1903 The British conquest of Nigeria was completed. 500,000 square
miles were now controlled by the U.K. 

1904 Three hundred Russians were killed as the Japanese shelled Port
Arthur in Korea. 

1907 In Finland, woman won their first seats in the Finnish
Parliament. They took their seats on May 23. 

1909 Italy proposed a European conference on the Balkans. 

1910 Otto Kahn offered $500,000 for a family portrait by Dutch
artist Frans Hals. Kahn had outbid J.P. Morgan for the work. 

1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson sent 12,000 troops, under General
Pershing, over the border of Mexico to pursue bandit Pancho Villa.
The mission failed. 

1917 Russian Czar Nicholas II abdicated himself and his son. His
brother Grand Duke succeeded as czar. 

1919 The American Legion was founded in Paris. 

1922 Fuad I assumed the title of king of Egypt after the country
gained nominal independence from Britain. 

1934 Henry Ford restored the $5 a day wage. 

1935 Joseph Goebbels, German Minister of Propaganda banned four
Berlin newspapers. 

1937 In Chicago, IL, the first blood bank to preserve blood for
transfusion by refrigeration was established at the Cook County

1938 Oil was discovered in Saudi Arabia. 

1939 German forces occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and part of

1944 Cassino, Italy, was destroyed by Allied bombing. 

1946 British Premier Attlee offered India full independence after
agreement on a constitution. 

1949 Clothes rationing in Great Britain ended nearly four years
after the end of World War II. 

1951 General de Lattre demanded that Paris send him more troops for
the fight in Vietnam. 

1951 The Persian parliament voted to nationalize the oil industry. 

1955 The U.S. Air Force unveiled a self-guided missile. 

1960 Ten nations met in Geneva to discuss disarmament. 

1960 The first underwater park was established as Key Largo Coral
Reef Preserve. 

1964 In Montreal, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor were married. 

1968 The U.S. mint halted the practice of buying and selling gold. 

1977 The U.S. House of Representatives began a 90-day test to
determine the feasibility of showing its sessions on television. 

1982 Nicaragua's ruling junta proclaimed a month-long state of siege
and suspended the nation's constitution for one day. This came a day
after anti-government rebels destroyed two bridges near the Honduran

1985 In Brazil, two decades of military rule came to an end with the
installation of a civilian government. 

1989 The U.S. Food and Drug administration decided to impound all
fruit imported from Chili after two cyanide-tainted grapes were
found in Philadelphia, PA. 

1989 The U.S. Department of Veteran's Affairs became the 14th
Department in the President's Cabinet. 

1990 In Iraq, British journalist Farzad Bazoft was hanged for

1990 Mikhail Gorbachev was elected the first executive president of
the Soviet Union. 

1990 The Ford Explorer was introduced to the public. 

1990 The Soviet parliament ruled that Lithuania's declaration of
independence was invalid and that Soviet law was still in force in
the Baltic republic. 

1991 Four Los Angeles police officers were indicted in the beating
of Rodney King on March 3, 1991. (California) 

1991 Yugoslav President Borisav Jovic resigned after about a week of
anit-communist protests. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton extended the moratorium on nuclear
testing until September of 1995. 

1996 The aviation firm Fokker NV collapsed. 

1998 More than 15,000 ethnic Albanians marched in Yugoslavia to
demand independence for Kosovo. 

2002 Libyan Abdel Baset Ali Mohmed Al-Megrahi began his life
sentence in a Scottish jail for his role in the bombing of Pan Am
Flight 103 on December 21, 1988. 

2002 In the U.S., Burger King began selling a veggie burger. The
event was billed as the first veggie burger to be sold nationally by
a fast food chain. 

2002 In Texas, Andrea Yates received a life sentence for drowning
her five children on June 20, 2001. 

2002 U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell told the Associated Press
that the U.S. would stand by a 24-year pledge not to use nuclear
arms against states that don't have them. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 4 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 515 )
Thumb Drives 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 14

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Welfare queen busted for fraud after 
showing off her wealth on FaceBook
Today, March 14 in
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom 
to Venice. She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Normal is not something to aspire to, it's something to get away from. --- Jodie Foster (1962 - ) When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie, a certified blonde *, for tis story: A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches her yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, what the heck are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?!" asks the Officer... "Oh, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied. _____________ * Only certified blondes are allowed to tell blonde jokes in the Humor Letter ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Martin for bringing back this classic: I have a Labrador Retriever & I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?) On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he roared with laughter staggering to the door and fresh air. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Banaue rice terraces, Ifugao, Philippines _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Glenis for this story: Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night before, my husband planned to come home from the office before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel. I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine. When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen table read: "Sorry, hon, the conference is on after all. I'll call you when I get there." _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bauselll Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Galit Levi 37, Hollis Hills, New York Welfare queen busted for fraud after showing off her wealth on FaceBook A welfare queen who collected nearly $100,000 from Medicaid was actually worth more than a million dollars, and flaunted her wealth on Facebook. Now, she's facing jail time. Galit Levi lives a pretty comfortable life if you follow her Facebook. She reportedly has deposited over a million dollars into her bank account with her husband over the past few years. During that time, however, she was also collecting tens of thousands of dollars in Medicaid benefits, claiming tp be out of work while her husband earned less than $2000 a month. Levi is now facing fraud charges, and is accused of forging her Medicaid application. Her Facebook page showed she lived pretty well, with lots of pictures of her and her family having a good time. They also reportedly bought a nice house, only to tear it down so they could build a bigger, more luxourious one. A Queens mom with $1 million in the bank fleeced Medicaid of nearly $70,000 over three years, officials announced Thursday. Galit Levi, 37, of Hollis Hills, was charged with grand larceny, welfare fraud, and falsifying business records, according to the Queens District Attorney's office. To get approved for Medicaid benefits, Levi claimed she was unemployed and that her husband earned approximately $1,750 a month not enough to support the two adults and their four kids. Officials approved Levi and her family for public assistance in January 2012 after she filed what turned out to be a bogus claim, authorities said. She then proceeded to bilk the system of $67,000 through December 2015, submitting several renewals for Medicaid assistance, the criminal complaint said. But in fact, a review of Levi's bank accounts with her husband uncovered deposits from 2012 through 2016 that exceeded $1.3 million, authorities said. Levi faces some serious charges. Just the charge of grand larceny could land her in prison for 15 years. Although she was able to make bail of $5,000, she had to turn over her passport, so she cannot flee back to Israel. Medicaid is intended to help the truly needy, but this defendant's bank records allegedly show her family's income was well above the levels that would have made her and her children eligible for assistance, said Queens District Attorney Richard Brown. Tech Support Pits From: Belinda Re: Transferring files Dear Webby This is about a column a while ago. I was on vacation. There IS a bimbo proof alternative that you did not mention: Thumb Drives! They work even for blondes like me! They are like a USB drive without a cable, and plug directly into any USB port. Just plug it in, and the computer sees a new drive. Drag stuff onto it, unpug it, walk it over to the other computer, plug it in, and drag stuff off it. Sneaker-Net works! Belinda Dear Belinda You are 100% right. And the price of them has come down quite nicely. Some stores even give them away whenver they have some sale on. But even if you have to pay $1 or $2 for a 10 GB Thumb Drive with their logo printed on, it is still a good deal. Have FUN! DearWebby
There is one way to permanently stop that ringing in the ears, from not wearing hearing protection!
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go fix them a couple drinks. As he's standing there he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red and says, "Gee, oh...I'm sorry...I..." She continues, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
My mother and I were walking down the street when a man stopped us. "I'm taking a survey," he said. "Do you think there is too much sex in movies?" "I'm not sure," replied my mother. "Since Bob, my husband, stopped coming to the movies, I get too wrapped up in the film to notice what the rest of the audience is doing." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Cookware for a Glass Top Stove The same as any other stove. Cast iron, Revereware, teflon , it doesn't matter. They all work just fine on a glass-top stove. By Dusty Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Chuck for this story: One afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat. "What did you do today?" I asked. She couldn't wait to tell me. "We learned that boys are different from girls," she chirped. Looking into the rearview mirror, I could just see the top of her head. "My teacher told us that boys have a thing the girls don't," she added "Well, yes they do..." I said cautiously. I couldn't think of anything else to say, so we were quiet for a moment. Then she piped up again. "That's how girls know that boys are boys," she said. "They see that thing that hangs down and they know that he is a boy." I mentally calculated the distance home. Our five-minute commute already felt like an hour. "Did you know that when the boys see a girl they puff up?" My palms were beginning to sweat. "Um...well..." I was still searching for something new to say, to change the subject, when she asked, "Why do the girls like the boys to have those things?" Well, I didn't know what to say. I mean, what woman hasn't asked herself that question at least once? "Oh," I stammered. She didn't wait for my answer. She had her own. "It's cause it moves when they walk and then the girls see that and that's when they know they are boys and that's when they like them. Then the boy sees the girl and he puffs up, and then the girl knows he likes her, too. And then they get married. And then they get cooked." That last part confused me a bit, but on the whole I thought she had a pretty good grasp on things. As soon as we got home and I pulled into the garage, she hopped out of the car, fishing something out of her school bag. "I drew a picture," she said. "Do you want to see?" I wasn't sure I did, but I looked at it anyway. I had to sit down. There, all puffed up so to speak, looking mighty attractive for the ladies, was a crayon drawing of a great big Tom Turkey. His snood, the thing that hangs down over his beak, the thing that female turkeys find so irresistible, was magnificent. His tail feathers were standing tall and proud. She was a little offended that I laughed so hard at her drawing, and I laughed until I cried. But when I told her I loved it - and I did she got over her pique. That was the end of that, for her anyway. But I'm not so lucky. Every year I remember that conversation. And to be honest, I haven't looked at a turkey, or a man, the same way since.
This precious geological wonder is found in southern Arizona
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this story: This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what the matter was. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and the toothbrush, I think I got most of them all back in." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 14 in
1489 Catherine Cornaro, Queen of Cyprus, sold her kingdom to Venice.
She was the last of the Lusignan dynasty. 

1629 A Royal charter was granted to the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 

1647 During the Thirty Years War, France, Sweden, Bavaria and
Cologne signed a Treaty of Neutrality. 

1757 British Admiral John Byng was executed by a firing squad on
board HMS Monarch for neglect of duty. 

1794 Eli Whitney received a patent for his improvement on the cotton

1864 Samuel Baker discovered another source of the Nile in East
Africa. He named it Lake Albert Nyanza. 

1891 The submarine Monarch laid telephone cable along the bottom of
the English Channel to prepare for the first telephone links across
the Channel. 

1900 U.S. currency went on the gold standard with the ratification
of the Gold Standard Act. 

1900 In Holland, Botanist Hugo de Vries rediscovered Mendel's laws
of heredity. Mendel was right after all.

1903 The U.S. Senate ratified the Hay-Herran Treaty that guaranteed
the U.S. the right to build a canal at Panama. The Columbian Senate
rejected the treaty. A deal was signed on November 6, 1903 with the
newly independent Panama. 

1904 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the governments claim that the
Northern Securities Company was an illegal merger between the Great
Northern and Northern Pacific Railway companies. 

1905 French bankers refused to lend money to Russia until after
their war. 

1905 The British House of Commons cited a need to compete with
Germany in naval strength. 

1906 The island of Ustica was devastated by an earthquake. 

914 Henry Ford announced the new continuous motion method to
assemble cars. The process decreased the time to make a car from 12½
hours to 93 minutes. 

1915 The British Navy sank the German battleship Dresden off the
Chilean coast. 

1918 An all-Russian Congress of Soviets ratified a peace treaty with
the Central Powers. 

1923 President Harding became the first U.S. President to file an
income tax report. 

1932 George Eastman, the founder of the Kodak company, committed

1936 Adolf Hitler told a crowd of 300,000 that Germany's only judge
is God and itself. 

1939 Hungary occupied the Carpatho-Ukraine. Slovakia declared its

1943 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt became the first U.S.
President to fly in an airplane while in office.

1945 In Germany, a 22,000 pound "Grand Slam" bomb was dropped by the
Royal Air Force Dambuster Squad on the Beilefeld railway viaduct. It
was the heaviest bomb used during World War II. 

1947 The U.S. signed a 99-year lease on naval bases in the

1947 Moscow announced that 890,532 German POWs were held in the

1951 U.N. forces recaptured Seoul for the second time during the
Korean War. 

1958 The U.S. government suspended arms shipments to the Batista
government of Cuba. 

1964 A Dallas jury found Jack Ruby guilty of the murder of Lee
Harvey Oswald. 

1967 John F. Kennedy's body was moved from a temporary grave to a
permanent one. 

1976 Egypt formally abrogated the 1971 Treaty Friendship and
Cooperation with the Soviet Union. 

1978 An Israeli force of 22,000 invaded south Lebanon. The PLO bases
were hit. 

1979 The Census Bureau reported that 95% of all Americans were
married or would get married. 

1979 Near Peking, China, at least 200 people died when a Trident
aircraft crashed into a factory. 

1980 A Polish airliner crashed while making an emergency landing
near Warsaw. 87 people were killed. A 14-man U.S. boxing team was
aboard the plane. 

1981 Three Pakistani airline hijackers surrendered in Syria after
they had exchanged 100 passengers and crewmen for 54 Pakistani

1983 OPEC agreed to cut its oil prices by 15% for the first time in
its 23-year history. 

1989 Imported assault guns were banned in the U.S. under President
George H.W. Bush. 

1991 The "Birmingham Six," imprisoned for 16 years for their alleged
part in an IRA pub bombing, were set free after a court agreed that
the police fabricated evidence. 

1991 Bolivian interior minister Guillermo Capobianco resigned after
U.S. officials accused him of receiving money from drug traffickers.

1995 American astronaut Norman Thagard became the first American to
enter space aboard a Russian rocket. 

1996 U.S. President Bill Clinton committed $100 million for an anti-
terrorism pact with Israel to track down and root out Islamic

1998 An earthquake left 10,000 homeless in southeastern Iran. 

2002 A Scottish appeals court upheld the conviction of a Libyan
intelligence agent for the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103. A
five-judge court ruled unanimously that Abdel Basset Ali al-Megrahi
was guilty of bringing down the plane over Lockerbie, Scotland. 

2003 Robert Blake was released from jail on $1.5 million bail. Blake
had been jailed for the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley.
He was eventually acquitted, but her kids,not his-, sued him for $80
Million and after he appealed, they got $30 Million. 
He is dead now.

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 4 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 1558 )
Mov ie viewer for Windows 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, March 13

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mom Fights Off and pulls Man Trying to Steal Truck 
With Her Child Inside out of the truck. 
He ran but got caught by bicycle cops.
Today, March 13 in
1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Life is too short for traffic. --- Dan Bellack Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new. --- Henry David Thoreau _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours." ______________________________________________________ A young man was having some money problems, and needed $200 to get his car fixed and road-worthy again. But had run out of people to borrow from. So, he calls his parents via the operator, and reverses the charge and says to his dad, "I need to borrow two hundred dollars." At the other end, his father says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, son, I think there may be a bad line." The boy shouts, "Two hundred. I need two hundred dollars!" "Sorry, I still can't hear you clearly," says his father. The operator cuts in, "Sorry to butt in, but I can hear him perfectly." The father says, "Oh, good. Then YOU can send him some money!" Click. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ You Know You're a Redneck When 1.---The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. 2.---You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 3.---You're been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4.---You think a woman who is "out-of-your-league" bowls on a different night. 5.---Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people." 6.---You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. 7.---Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey, watch this." 8.---You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. 9.---Your junior prom had a daycare. 10.---Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. 11.---You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are: "Gentlemen, start your engines." 12.---You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. 13.---The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it. 14.---You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. 15.---One of your kids was born on a pool table. 16.---You need one more hole punched in your cards to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. 17.---You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. 18.---You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk. 19.---Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. 20.---Your front porch collapses and kills more than one dog. 21.---You had to change churches because the new preacher works as game warden / taxidermist during the week. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by DeShawn Jackson, 23, Bremerton, Washington Mom Fights Off and pulls Man Trying to Steal Truck With Her Child Inside out of the truck. He ran but got caught by bicycle cops. Surveillance video shows the moment a Washington state mother fought off a man trying to steal a pickup truck with her 2-year-old inside on Wednesday, March 7. The woman was walking around the truck when a shirtless man passing by jumped to the driver's seat. The woman managed to open the door of the truck just as it started to move. She struggled with the man. He punched her. The truck drove on a sidewalk and hit a short concrete wall. The man got out and ran away. Police were called to the scene on Elizabeth Avenue in Bremerton and bicycle officers in the area started to chase the suspect, identified as 23-year-old DeShawn Jackson, Q13 Fox reported. Jackson led the officers on a several-block chase during which he attempted to steal another vehicle and hide inside a home. He was arrested and faces charges of robbery, kidnapping, burglary, felony harassment, theft of a motor vehicle, assault, and hit and run. After the arrest, Jackson told officers he smoked synthetic marijuana. There were no reports of an injury of the 2-year-old. Jackson has a lengthy criminal history, including a 2014 conviction for punching, choking, and kicking his girlfriend. What a hero! Getting beat up and drug out of a truck by a young woman, then chased and caught by bicycle cops. They will still be laughing in jail by the time he finishes serving his 10 years. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Windows Media Player Dear Webby I have used VLC Media Player as a Window's video viewer however lately I find it becomes "pixelated"(?) frequently. Is there a better app. Lee Dear Lee I still use the regular Microsoft Media Player, even though Microsoft claims that they don't support it for W7 PRO 64. It still seems to work OK. You can download it at https://media-player- You can also get a new version of VLC there. Since your VLC USED to work OK, it might be that your machine is short on available RAM. Hit CTRL SHIFT ESC for the task manager. Click on the s econd tab: Processes If you see any that are over 500.000 K, highlight them and click on END this task, especially if it is a browser. The machine will run a lot better after that. Have FUN! DearWebby
What is the penalty for bigamy? Two mother-in-laws.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Deep in the woods of Tennessee on a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a long rifle in his hand. The speeder looks at the owner sheepishly and says, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to put that that mangy mutt out of his misery." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Cookware for a Glass Top Stove The same as any other stove. Cast iron, Revereware, teflon , it doesn't matter. They all work just fine on a glass-top stove. By Dusty Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Ann for this story: An observant woman died one day, and found herself waiting in the long line for judgment. As she stood there, she noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into heaven. Others, though, were led over to Satan, who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul into a small pile off to one side. After watching Satan do this several times, the woman's curiosity got the best of her. So she strolled over to find out what the devil he was doing. "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," she said. "I'm waiting my turn for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Vancouver or Seattle. They're too wet to burn!"
Best of the week of "People are Awesome!"
___________________________________________________ Father teaching his daughter to drive: "Stop on red, go on green, and take it easy when I turn purple." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 13 in
0483 St. Felix III began his reign as Pope. 

0607 The 12th recorded passage of Halley's Comet occurred. 

1519 Cortez landed in Mexico. 

1639 Harvard University was named for clergyman John Harvard. 

1660 A statute was passed limiting the sale of slaves in the colony of

1777 The U.S. Congress ordered its European envoys to appeal to high-
ranking foreign officers to send troops to reinforce the American

1781 Sir William Herschel discovered the planet Uranus. 

1852 The New York "Lantern" newspaper published the first "Uncle Sam
cartoon". It was drawn by Frank Henry Bellew. 

1865 Jefferson Davis signed a bill authorizing slaves to be used as
soldiers for the Confederacy. 

1877 Chester Greenwood patented the earmuff. 

1884 Standard time was adopted throughout the U.S. 

1900 In South Africa, British Gen. Roberts took Bloemfontein. 

1901 Andrew Carnegie announced that he was retiring from business and
that he would spend the rest of his days giving away his fortune. His
net worth was estimated at $300 million. 

1902 In Poland, schools were shut down across the country when
students refused to sing the Russian hymn "God Protect the Czar." 

1902 Andrew Carnegie approved 40 applications from libraries for

1908 The people of Jerusalem saw an automobile for the first time. The
owner was Charles Glidden of Boston. 

1911 The U.S. Supreme Court approved corporate tax law. 

1915 The Germans repelled a British expeditionary force attack in

1918 Women were scheduled to march in the St. Patrick's Day Parade in
New York due to a shortage of men due to wartime. 

1925 A law in Tennessee prohibited the teaching of evolution. 

1930 It was announced that the planet Pluto had been discovered by
scientist Clyde Tombaugh at the Lowell Observatory. 

1933 U.S. banks began to re-open after a "holiday" that had been
declared by President Roosevelt. 

1935 Three-thousand-year-old archives were found in Jerusalem
confirming some biblical history. 

1940 The war between Russia and Finland ended with the signing of a
treaty in Moscow. That did not last. Russia invaded Finland again.

1941 Adolf Hitler issued an edict calling for an invasion of the

1942 Julia Flikke of the Nurse Corps became the first woman colonel in
the U.S. Army. 

1943 Japanese forces ended their attack on the American troops on Hill
700 in Bougainville. 

1946 Reports from Iran indicated that Soviet tanks units were
stationed 20 miles from Tehran. 

1946 Premier Tito seized wartime collaborator General Draja
Mikhailovich in a cave in Yugoslavia. 

1951 Israel demanded $1.5 billion in German reparations for the cost
of caring for war refugees. 

1951 The comic strip "Dennis the Menace" appeared for the first time
in newspapers across the country. 

1957 Jimmy Hoffa was arrested by the FBI on bribery charges. 

1963 China invited Soviet President Khrushchev to visit Peking. 

1969 The Apollo 9 astronauts returned to Earth after the conclusion of
a mission that included the successful testing of the Lunar Module. 

1970 Cambodia ordered Hanoi and Viet Cong troops to leave. 

1970 Digital Equipment Corp. introduced the PDP-11 minicomputer. 

1974 The U.S. Senate voted 54-33 to restore the death penalty. 

1974 An embargo imposed by Arab oil-producing countries was lifted. 

1980 A jury in Winamac, IN, found Ford Motor Company innocent of
reckless homicide in the deaths of three young women that had been
riding in a Ford Pinto. 

1990 The U.S. lifted economic sanctions against Nicaragua. 

1991 Exxon paid $1 billion in fines and for the clean-up of the Exon
Valdez oil spill. 

2003 Japan sent a destroyer to the Sea of Japan amid reports that
North Korea was planning to test an intermediate-range ballistic

2003 A report in the journal "Nature" reported that scientists had
found 350,000-year-old human footprints in Italy. The 56 prints were
made by three early, upright-walking humans that were descending the
side of a volcano. 

2012 After 244 years of publication, Encyclopædia Britannica announced
it would discontinue its print edition. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 5 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1126 )
Email Stationery 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 12

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Utah woman on trial for trying to hire 
hit man charged with same crime again
Today, March 12 in
1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine 
was used for the first time in America. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The average man, who does not know what to do with his life, wants another one which will last forever. --- Anatole France (1844 - 1924) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Betty-Sue is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out." She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh", ... I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Deer always have the right of way, and they are about as soft as concrete blocks. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Q. What's the most common cause of hearing loss amongst men? A. Wife saying she wants to talk to him. _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Linda Tracy Gillman, 70, in jail Salt Lake City, Utah Utah woman on trial for trying to hire hit man charged with same crime again A Herriman woman now convicted of trying to arrange to have her ex- husband murdered — who was previously charged with seeking a second hit man while in jail — was charged yet again Friday with trying to hire a third hit man. The stunning charges against Linda Tracy Gillman, 70, were filed on the same day a jury began deliberating her initial case. She was found guilty Friday afternoon of one count of criminal solicitation, a first-degree felony, but was acquitted of a second count. Early last year, Gillman was charged with two counts of criminal solicitation, a first-degree felony, for allegedly asking one of her employees — a man who also rents a condominium from her — "if he could arrange to have her ex-husband, Mr. D. Gillman, killed," charging documents state. She allegedly gave the man $5,000 and promised him $100,000 more once her ex-husband and his current wife were dead and she collected her ex-husband's life insurance. Gillman was married to Duane H. Gillman, a veteran bankruptcy attorney in Salt Lake City. The plan was for the acquaintance to hire a third person to carry out the murder and make it look like Duane Gillman died from a drug overdose, according to the charges. Instead, the man went to police and Gillman was arrested. Then in June, Gillman was charged with attempted obstruction of justice, a third-degree felony. Police say while she was in the Salt Lake County Jail, she approached another inmate who she thought was affiliated with a white supremacist gang. "Gillman referred to herself as 'the bank,' and said that she 'could make everything happen'" if he would take care of the man who went to the police, charging documents say. Gillman said that if "somehow (the man) ended up dead or disappearing, then I would walk out of here a free woman," investigators wrote in the charges. She also allegedly said that if the man disappeared, "it would make all her dreams come true." That case was eventually dismissed due to problems with witnesses. This week, Gillman went on trial for her criminal solicitation charges. Prosecutors recounted the allegations against Gillman on Friday morning, saying the evidence in the case, including audio recordings, clearly laid out the woman's plot. But Gillman's attorney, Colleen Coebergh, argued Gillman was the one who had been solicited by the so-called hitman, who was actually after the elderly woman's money. Jurors began deliberating the case later in the day. But in an unbelievable turn of events, the Salt Lake County District Attorney's Office announced Friday that Gillman had tried to hire a hit man once again from the jail as recently as three weeks ago. She wanted to have the prosecution's key witness in her original case murdered, as well as an attorney, according to court documents. She was charged Friday with two more counts of criminal solicitation, a first-degree felony, and two counts of obstructing justice, a second-degree felony. The new charges say Gillman asked an attorney on Feb. 13 to bring her a check while visiting her at the jail. Gillman then filled out the check and placed it in an envelope addressed to "M.K.," according to police. Jail corrections officers intercepted the letter, noting that it was against policy for mail to be delivered directly to an inmate. They opened the letter and noticed the check was made out for $155,000, the new charges state. The next day, investigators interviewed another inmate — a woman Gillman had befriended while behind bars. Gillman told the woman she would post her bail if she agreed to break into a storage unit and destroy two CDs that contained recordings of Gillman and others involved in her case, according to the charges. Gillman also wanted the woman to find the prosecution's key witness in her case — the former employee whom she was accused of originally asking to have her husband killed — and "give him a 'confess' letter that was authored by Gillman," the charges state. If he refused to sign it, the woman (inmate) was told to contact a specific person (who is not named in the court documents) and take the former employee "out," the charges state. In addition, Gillman wanted the woman to ask the same unnamed person "if he would be willing to kill" an attorney who won a civil case against her, according to Gill. "She had lined up an individual who would take the witness out. And in addition, asked to have an attorney killed in an opposing civil action against her that she had lost," the district attorney said. The inmate provided police with several documents in Gillman's handwriting aimed to "provide incentive" for the alleged hit man to carry out the plan, the charges state, "and emphasizing that her case needed to be 'shot down.'" The check was made out to a family member of the female inmate, according to the charges. Bail for Gillman's new charges is set at $2.5 million. On Friday, Gill praised the investigator who uncovered the new plot and noted that all the allegations are being taken seriously. Sentencing for Gillman is set for April 23. She faces a potential sentence of five years to life in prison, more if she tries hiring additional contract killers in the meantime. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: Email Stationery Dear Webby, My question today is about email. I read in your Tech Support column where you said that Incredimail is spyware because it tracks everybodys addresses. Got me to thinking about all email. Is there a systemn that does NOT do this? I think I have heard you mention Eudora, but I don't know anything about it. I have been using Incredimail because I like the stationery. Is there something you can reccommend that is not considered spyware and yet allows the use of different kinds of stationery? Keep up the good work on the Humor Letter! It makes my day! Thanks! Beverly Dear Beverly I nhave used Eudora since 1993. It always has had stationery, long before the Incredimail nuisance was released. Nowadays jsut about any email program has stationery, however, stationery has pretty well gone out of fashion. Most people just want the message or question. Even Gmail can use stationery! You can use pretty and cute stationery, or even forms to be filled out. Gmail itself does not have built in stationery, but you can set your Gmail to forward to your home address, where you use Thunderbird. Here are the details: Stationery in Gmail Have FUN! DearWebby
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, 'Marian, Marian!' Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, 'You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know.' 'I know,' said the child, 'but the store is full of mothers.'
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Morris, a professional photographer was invited to dinner at the Goldblums. He took along a few pictures to show the hostess. Millie Goldblum looked at his photos and commented, "These are very good! You must have a very good camera." He didn't make any comment, however, as he was leaving to go home he said, "That was a really delicious meal, Millie!" "Thank you!" she replied enthusiastically. Then Morris added, "Your cook must have a very good stove!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Leftover Turkey Casserole When packing up the leftovers from the birthday party, make a couple of "Turkey Casseroles". Spray the casseroles, put cooked Turkey in the bottom and top with Gravy. Next add a layer of carrots or other leftover veggies (Brussel Sprouts are not a good idea). Then a layer of dressing, and top it off with a layer of Mashed Potatoes. Push down slightly and cover with plastic wrap. I put the lid on the casserole and wrap it again to avoid having to look for it when you warm it up. Pop it in the freezer. To reheat: Thaw in the fridge all day and heat for about 1 hour at 325 degrees F. Just make sure it is HOT in the center before serving. It's like a Mini-Turkey Dinner! By Faye Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ A little boy came home from Sunday School with a big candy bar. His mother asked him where he got it. "I bought it at the store with the dollar you gave me," he said. "That dollar was for Sunday School," she scolded him. "I know, Mom, he replied, "but the Pastor met me at the door and got me in for free!"
I love these elegant woodcarvings. There have been and still are some amazingly talented people in this old world.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Lisa for this story: I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son. He looked at me very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 12 in
1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. 

1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony. 

1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II granted land
in the New World to his brother James (The Duke of York). 

1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for the first

1789 The U.S. Post Office was established. 

1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the French to leave
the country. 

1884 The State of Mississippi authorized the first state-supported
college for women. It was called the Mississippi Industrial Institute
and College. 

1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his automatic telephone

1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time. 

1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for nominal freedom
of religion throughout his territory. 

1905 In Rome, Premier Giovanni Giolliwas forced out of office by
continued civil strife. 

1906 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that corporations must yield
incriminating evidence in anti-trust suits. 

1909 The British Parliament increased naval appropriations for

1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to stem the
conflict with El Salvador. 

1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the cause of
infantile paralysis. 

1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original name was
Girl Guides. 

1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his technique for
putting sound on motion picture film. 

1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that symbolized his
defiance of British rule over India. 

1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of the German
Republic and ordered that the swastika and empire banner be flown side
by side. 

1935 Parimutuel betting became legal in the State of Nebraska. 

1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops entered Austria. 

1940 Finland surrendered to Russia ending the Russo-Finnish War. 

1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland. 

1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" to help
Greece and Turkey resist Communism. 

1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving the statehood
of Hawaii. 

1966 Bobby Hull, of the Chicago Blackhawks, became the first National
Hockey League (NHL) player to score 51 points in a single season. 

1985 The U.S. and the U.S.S.R. began arms control talks in Geneva. 

1985 Larry Bird (Boston Celtics) scored a club-record 60 points
against the Atlanta Hawks. 

1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that he planned
to drop Secret Service protection and hire his own bodyguards in an
effort to lower the deficit by $3 million. 

1987 "Les Miserables" opened on Broadway. 

1989 Prime Minister Sadiq al Mahdi of Sudan formed a new cabinet to
end civil war. 

1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the Art Institute
of Chicago to demand that officials remove an American flag placed on
the floor as part of an exhibit. 

1992 Mauritius became a republic but remained a member of the British

1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 31 major
military bases. 

1993 Janet Reno was sworn in as the first female U.S. attorney

1994 A photo by Marmaduke Wetherell of the Loch Ness monster was
confirmed to be a hoax. The photo was taken of a toy submarine with a
head and neck attached. 

1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests. 

1998 Astronomers cancelled a warning that a mile-wide asteroid might
collide with Earth saying that calculations had been off by 600,000

1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members of the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). All three countries were
members of the former Warsaw Pact. 

2002 U.S. homeland security chief Tom Ridge unveiled a color-coded
system for terror warnings. 

2002 Conoco and Phillips Petroleum stockholders approved a proposed
merger worth $15.6 billion. 

2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family nine months
after she was abducted from her home. She had been taken on June 5,
2002, by a drifter, who that had previously worked at the Smart home. 

2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume reconnaissance
flights off the coast of North Korea. The flights had stopped on March
2 after an encounter with four armed North Korean jets. 

2009 It was announced that the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL, would be
renamed Willis Tower, because Arabs consider Sears to be Jewish owned,
and hinted, it would be next to come down. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 6 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1030 )
Large or small HTML tags 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 11
For some of you daylight savings time starts today.
Check your computer time. It will be right.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
CT man drove stolen car to Hartford court 
for stolen car charge
Today, March 11 in
1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It was
the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had. --- I. F. Stone (1907 - 1989) You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist. --- Friedrich Nietzsche _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Notes to the Milkman (In England) "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it" Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk." Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bred today." Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks." Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round." When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress. Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened." My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle." Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me." Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it." From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk." My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight." Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday." When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice." ______________________________________________________ Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spent relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: Insurance agents. Ask about our term-life package. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Parry's Penstemon, near Phoenix, March 9. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Census Taker: "How many children do you have?" Woman: "Four." Census Taker: "May I have their names, please?" Woman: "Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George." Census Taker: "Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child George?" Woman: "Because we didn't want any Moe." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jonathan Rivera, 25, Hartford, Connecticut CT man drove stolen car to Hartford court for stolen car charge Police said a man answering to a stolen car charge drove a stolen car to court in Hartford. Police said that on Wednesday Jonathan Rivera, 25, was at the Hartford Superior Court on Wednesday to appear before a judge on a charge of first-degree larceny and tampering with a motor vehicle from February. Parking authority agents scanning license plates outside the courthouse found the car, a 2014 white Subaru Legacy, that had been reported stolen out of Newington. Police kept an eye on the car, and they arrested Rivera when he got inside and tried to drive away. Rivera has been charged with second-degree larceny and taking a motor vehicle without the owner’s permission. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Robert Re: Large and small HTML tags Dear Webby, As I was snooping in the source code of your pages to try and learn some tricks, I noticed that you start tags with capital letters and close them with small letters. For example, you start a bold section with <.B> and end it with <./b> Is that the secret for your pages loading so fast, even though you use a lot of color and graphics? Robert Dear Robert That trick does not affect the speed. A good server takes care of the speed. That trick is just an old habit from the good old days when web pages were writen by hand with a plain text editor, and chiseled onto stone tablets. With a plain text editor it can and does happen, that you are typing too fast, and miss a bracket, or forget to close a tag. Using Caps for opening and small letters for closing, makes it a bit easier to find mistakes. That's all. Have FUN! DearWebby
Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts . The i-boob is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Jon was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the paper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Getting the Most out of Turkey or Chicken Bones To pull the calcium out of chicken or turkey bones add 1 ounce vinegar to each quart of water up to 4 ounces total when you are making soup stock. It will not give a vinegar taste to the soup but will draw out ALL the nutrients in the bones. By Reta Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ A kid called up his mum from college and asked her for some money. Mum said, "Sure, sweetie. Mum will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?" "Uhh, oh yeah," responded the kid. So Mum wrapped up the book along with the checks in a package, kissed Dad goodbye and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she returned, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?" Mum said, "Oh, I wrote him two checks: one for $20, and the other for $1,000." "That's $1,020!" yelled Dad. "Are you crazy???" "Don't worry, hon," Mum said. "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 19!"
The seaweed houses of Læsø Island. Very ingenious to use the seaweed for roofs but not such a good idea to cut down all the trees!
___________________________________________________ My uncle Joe and his best buddy, Bubba, went hunting a couple of weeks ago. Somehow they got lost. (Uncle Joe swears it had nothing to do with the large quantities of alcohol consumed...) Uncle Joe reassured his buddy, though. "Don't worry. All we have to do is shoot into the air three times, stay where we are, and someone will find us." They shot in the air three times, but no one came. After a while, they tried it again. Still no response. When they decided to try once more, Bubba said, "It better work this time. We're down to our last three arrows." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 11 in
537 The Goths began their siege on Rome. 

1302 The characters Romeo and Juliet were married this day according
to William Shakespeare. 

1649 The peace of Rueil was signed between the Frondeurs (rebels) and
the French government. 

1665 A new legal code was approved for the Dutch and English towns,
guaranteeing religious observances unhindered. 

1702 The Daily Courant, the first regular English newspaper was

1810 The Emperor Napoleon Bonaparte was married by proxy to
Archduchess Marie Louise of Austria. 

1824 The U.S. War Department created the Bureau of Indian Affairs.
Seneca Indian Ely Parker became the first Indian to lead the Bureau. 

1845 Seven hundred Maoris led by their chief, Hone-Heke, burned the
small town of Kororareka. The act was in protest to the settlement of
Maoriland by Europeans, which was a breach of the 1840 Treaty of

1861 A Confederate Convention was held in Montgomery, Alabama, where a
new constitution was adopted. 

1865 Union General William Sherman and his forces occupied
Fayetteville, NC. 

1867 In Hawaii, the volcano Great Mauna Loa erupted. 

1888 The "Blizzard of '88" began along the U.S. Atlantic Seaboard
shutting down communication and transportation lines. More than 400
people died.(March 11-14) 

1900 British Prime Minister Lord Salisbury rejected the peace
overtures offered from the Boer leader Paul Kruger. 

1901 Britain rejected an amended treaty to the canal agreement with

1901 U.S. Steel was formed when industrialist J.P. Morgan purchased
Carnegie Steel Corp. The event made Andrew Carnegie the world's
richest man. 

1904 After 30 years of drilling, the north tunnel under the Hudson
River was holed through. The link was between Jersey City, NJ, and New
York, NY. 

1905 The Parisian subway was officially inaugurated. 

1907 U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt induced California to revoke
its anti-Japanese legislation. 

1907 In Bulgaria, Premier Nicolas Petkov was killed by an anarchist. 

1930 Babe Ruth signed a two-year contract with the New York Yankees
for the sum of $80,000. 

1935 The German Air Force became an official department of the Reich. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt authorized the Lend-Lease
Act, which authorized the act of providing war supplies to the Allies.

1946 Communists and Nationalists began fighting as the Soviets pulled
out of Mukden, Manchuria. 

1946 Pravda denounced Winston Churchill as anti-Soviet and a

1947 The DuMont network aired "Movies For Small Fry." It was network
television's first successful children's program. 

1965 The American navy began inspecting Vietnamese junks in an effort
to end arms smuggling to the South. 

1969 Levi-Strauss started selling bell-bottomed jeans. 

1978 Bobby Hull (Winnipeg Jets) joined Gordie Howe by getting his
1,000th career goal. 

1985 Mikhail Gorbachev was named the new chairman of the Soviet
Communist Party. 

1986 Popsicle announced its plan to end the traditional twin-stick
frozen treat for a one-stick model. 

1988 A cease-fire was declared in the war between Iran and Iraq. 

1990 Lithuania declared its independence from the Soviet Union. It was
the first Soviet republic to break away from Communist control. 

1990 In Chile, Patricio Aylwin was sworn in as the first
democratically elected president since 1973. 

1993 Janet Reno was unanimously confirmed by the U.S. Senate to become
the first female attorney general. 

1993 North Korea withdrew from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty
refusing to open sites for inspection. 

1994 In Chile, Eduardo Frei was sworn in as President. It was the
first peaceful transfer of power in Chile since 1970. 

1998 The International Astronomical Union issued an alert that said
that a mile-wide asteroid could come very close to, and possibly hit,
Earth on Oct. 26, 2028. The next day NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory
announced that there was no chance the asteroid would hit Earth. 

2002 Two columns of light were pointed skyward from ground zero in New
York as a temporary memorial to the victims of the terrorist attacks
of September 11, 2001. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 6 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1597 )
Is Mailwasher difficult to use? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 10

If anybody is interested in these domain names, 
they are for sale
cheap: $20  
First come, first serve.
Owners have retired.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
NC woman was arrested for shooting inside a movie theater
Today, March 10 in
1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first graduation
ceremony because the only graduate was robbed and killed the night
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) Against logic there is no armor like ignorance. --- Laurence J. Peter _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below. The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back to the top of the gangplank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now." ______________________________________________________ A man from Edinburgh wrote to an English editor, "If you don't stop printing those derogatory Scottish jokes, most of which imply we're cheap, I'm going to quit stealing your stupid magazine." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Even though it has not rained yet since Sept, some flowers in Coyote Canyon off Route 78 are blooming. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working. Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy. This was painfully obvious when one morning the husband was upstairs and the wife was downstairs on the telephone. She was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet her neighbor. "Give this to your husband," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into her hands. "He's been yelling for it for 15 minutes!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shameka Latreena Lynch, 30, Greenville, North Carolina NC woman started shooting in a full movie house A North Carolina woman is jailed on multiple felony charges after she allegedly opened fire in a movie theater during a dispute over assigned seats at a screening of “Black Panther,” according to police and court records. Investigators allege that Shameka Latrice Lynch, 30, squabbled with other moviegoers around 11:45 PM Friday at a crowded AMC theater in Greenville. During the dispute over seating arrangements for the Marvel superhero movie, Lynch allegedly pulled out a .32 caliber pistol and discharged the weapon inside the theater. Lynch, seen above, fired one round into the theater’s ceiling, police allege. While the shooting resulted in no injuries, Lynch has been charged with two counts of assault with a deadly weapon with intent to kill (prosecutors have identified the victims as two men attending the “Black Panther” showing). Lynch is also facing a third felony count for discharging a weapon in an enclosure to incite fear. The shooting prompted police to evacuate the entire 12-screen multiplex. Lynch surrendered to police Saturday evening and was booked into the Pitt County Detention Center, where she is being held on $250,000 bond. Lynch is next due in court on March 14 _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From the Tech Support Pits: From: Richi Re: What is MailWasher Dear Webby, How does mailwasher work? is it very difficult to use? I seem to getting alot of links and spam in my email.some of the names i do notice but all that is in there is just a link to somewhere, and im afraid to click on the you think its just spam?i dont want it to clog up my system if i click on the link,what do you reccommend? tyvm o dear webby for your advice and help Richi Dear Richi Mailwasher is easy to use, easier than your email program. Since you have mastered that, you have no worries. Mailwasher looks at your mail on your ISP's server, washes the spam out of it, then you just download the left over legitimate mail. Your ISP will love it! A LOT less useless file transfers. You get to see the list, just the header and a few lines, and you "pardon" mail, that should not have been flagged as spam. It happens. For example when I bitch and complain about a certain virus, MailWasher might think it is a dangerous mail and flag it as spam. That's when you mark my newsletter as FRIEND or make filters. You can make filters really easy. You click on choices like "includes" in "body", and the offending word. Then you can add, "but does not include" and a saving grace word like "Humor". That way, even if I bitch about certain spam, it washes out all other occurrences of spam, that include the trigger word, but not the Humor Letter. Like the "But not", there are lots of other boolean operators you can use. Actually, all the "Regular Expressions" are available. That makes crafting filters an exciting game. Spammers have no chance. My Mailwasher reduces all the mails per day I get to the 100 - 200, that I actually read and answer. Especially with your Comcast address, that gets harvested quite frequently, you really do need MailWasher. You can get the full PRO for under $40 at Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play. The first little boy was to say, "My fair maiden.... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope." The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark!, a pistol shot." Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up. The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin. The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words: "My fair maiden.... I have come to kiss your snatch! And fill your hole with soap." The second boy screams out....."Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of shit, this is bull shit... I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway! The audience was howling.
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Becky and Sally Ann were doing some carpenter work on a house. Becky who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away." Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: HOW TO TELL THE SEX OF A BIRD This Is AMAZING!!! Until now I never fully understood how to tell, The difference Between Male and Female Birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically. Until Now. Which of The Two Birds Is a Female??? Below are Two Birds. Study them closely... See If You Can Spot Which of The Two Is The Female. It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills. Cookie Note: Not everybody will arrive at the same results! ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Use the Crockpot for Stuffing Prepare your favorite stuffing and bake it in your crockpot while the turkey occupies the oven. You can prep this the day before and refrigerate, it is so much easier than stuffing it into the turkey, the turkey will cook faster, food poisoning risk is decreased and the stuffing doesn't absorb all the extra fat dripping from the turkey. By Linda Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio."
Why is water pouring out of this tree in Montenegro?
___________________________________________________ GREAT NEWSLETTER. LOVE IT ALL JOKES, PICTURES. NEW LINKS TO OPEN, JUST EVERYTHING. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK DWANNA ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 10 in
0241 BC The Roman fleet sank 50 Carthaginian ships in the Battle of

0049 BC Julius Caesar crossed the Rubicon and invaded Italy. 

1496 Christopher Columbus concluded his second visit to the Western
Hemisphere when he left Hispaniola for Spain. 

1629 England's King Charles I dissolved Parliament and did not call it
back for 11 years. 

1656 In the American colony of Virginia, suffrage was extended to all
free men regardless of their religion. 

1785 Thomas Jefferson was appointed minister to France. He succeeded
Benjamin Franklin. 

1792 John Stone patented the pile driver. 

1804 The formal ceremonies transferring the Louisiana Purchase from
France to the U.S. took place in St. Louis. 

1806 The Dutch in Cape Town, South Africa surrendered to the British. 

1814 In France, Napoleon Bonaparte was defeated by a combined Allied
Army at the battle of Laon. 

1848 The U.S. Senate ratified the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, which
ended the war with Mexico. 

1849 Abraham Lincoln applied for a patent for a device to lift vessels
over shoals by means of inflated cylinders. 

1864 Ulysses S. Grant became commander of the Union armies in the U.S.
Civil War. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful call with the
telephone. He spoke the words "Mr. Watson, come here, I want to see

1880 The Salvation Army arrived in the U.S. from England. 

1893 New Mexico State University canceled its first graduation
ceremony because the only graduate was robbed and killed the night

1894 New York Gov. Roswell P. Flower signed the nation's first dog-
licensing law. 

1902 The Boers of South Africa scored their last victory over the
British, when they captured British General Methuen and 200 men. 

1902 Tochangri, Turkey, was entirely wiped out by an earthquake. 

1903 Harry C. Gammeter patented the multigraph duplicating machine. 

1903 In New York's harbor, the disease-stricken ship Karmania was
quarantined with six dead from cholera. 

1906 In France, 1,200 miners were buried in an explosion at

1909 Britain extracted territorial concessions from Siam and Malaya. 

1910 Slavery was abolished in China. 

1912 China became a republic after the overthrow of the Manchu Ch'ing

1924 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld a New York state law forbidding
late-night work for women. 

1927 Prussia lifted its Nazi ban allowing Adolf Hitler to speak in

1933 Nevada became the first U.S. state to regulate drugs. 

1940 W2XBS-TV in New York City aired the first televised opera as it
presented scenes from "I Pagliacci". 

1941 Vichy France threatened to use its navy unless Britain allowed
food to reach France. 

1944 The Irish refused to oust all Axis envoys and denied the
accusation of spying on Allied troops. 

1945 American B-29 bombers attacked Tokyo, Japan, 100,000 were killed.

1947 The Big Four met in Moscow to discuss the future of Germany. 

1947 Poland and Czechoslovakia signed a 20-year mutual aid pact. 

1949 Nazi wartime broadcaster Mildred E. Gillars, also known as "Axis
Sally," was convicted in Washington, DC. Gillars was convicted of
treason and served 12 years in prison. 

1953 North Korean gunners at Wonsan fired upon the USS Missouri. The
ship responded by firing 998 rounds at the enemy position. 

1966 The North Vietnamese captured a Green Beret camp at Ashau Valley.

1966 France withdrew from NATO's military command to protest U.S.
dominance of the alliance and asked NATO to move its headquarters from

1969 James Earl Ray pled guilty in Memphis, TN, to the assassination
of Martin Luther King Jr. Ray later repudiated the guilty plea and
maintained his innocence until his death in April of 1998. 

1971 The U.S. Senate approved an amendment to lower the voting age to

1975 The North Vietnamese Army attacked the South Vietnamese town of
Ban Me Thout. 

1980 Iran's leader, Ayatollah Khomeini, lent his support to the
militants holding American hostages in Tehran. 

1982 The U.S. banned Libyan oil imports due to their continued support
of terrorism. 

1986 The Wrigley Company, of Chicago, raised the price of its seven-
stick pack of Wrigley’s chewing gum from a quarter to 30 cents. 

1987 The Vatican condemned surrogate parenting as well as test-tube
and artificial insemination. 

1990 Haitian President Prosper Avril was ousted 18 months after
seizing power in a coup. 

1991 "Phase Echo" began. It was the operation to withdraw 540,000 U.S.
troops from the Persian Gulf region. 

1994 White House officials began testifying before a federal grand
jury about the Whitewater controversy. 

1998 U.S. troops in the Persian Gulf began receiving the first
vaccinations against anthrax. 

2002 The Associated Press reported that the Pentagon informed the U.S.
Congress in January that it was making contingency plans for the
possible use of nuclear weapons against countries that threaten the
U.S. with weapons of mass destruction, including Iraq and North Korea.

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 5 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 856 )
Can you switch a computer from 32 to 64 bit? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

If anybody is interested in these domain names, they are for sale cheap: $20 
Owners have retired.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Gramma was arrested for hauling drugs into jail
Today, March 9 in
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Martin
Waldseemüller, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in his
honor, because Amerigo Vespucci was the first to recognize that the
new world was an entirely new and different continent and not
connected to Asia.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. --- Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948) If you think your boss is stupid, remember; you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter. --- Albert Grant _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An 80 year old couple was worried because they kept forgetting things all the time. The doctor assured them there was nothing seriously wrong except old age, and suggested they simply carry a pocket notebook and write things down so as not to forget. Several days later, the old man got up to go to the kitchen. His wife said, "Dear, get me a bowl of ice cream while you're up." He says, "OK." She says, "...and put some chocolate syrup on it. You'd better write that down." He says, "I won't forget." She says, "and put a few cherries on it, too. You'd better write all this down." He says, "I won't forget." He comes back in twenty minutes and hands her a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. She says, "Darn it!, I told you to write it down. I knew you'd forget." He says, "What did I forget?" She says, "My toast!" ______________________________________________________ >From Connie Words Women Use (And What They Mean) FINE This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade. NOTHING This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing". _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Bat Flower _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sarah Griffin, 68, Cody Clements, Memphis, Tennessee Gramma arrested for hauling dope into jail A Memphis grandmother is behind bars after visiting her grandson in prison. An officer at the Shelby County Division of Corrections observed visitor Sarah Griffin give a bag of Doritos to grandson, inmate Cody Clements, according to a report. The officer immediately asked Clements to hand over the bag, and Clements allegedly grabbed a small object out of the bag before giving it to the officer. The officer then examined the object, and it appeared to be drugs wrapped in black electrical tape, according to WREG. Officers unrolled the tape from the object and found several individually wrapped bags of a green leafy substance, yellow pills, and white powder. After further investigation, the bags tested positive for 28.5 grams of methamphetamine, 11.4 grams of marijuana, 40 bars of prescription Xanax pills, 1.7 grams of Ecstasy and 1.1 grams of Heroin. Griffin told officers she thought she was bringing in a cell phone and did not know it was drugs. She was transported to jail and is facing a contraband charge. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From the Tech Support Pits: From: OP Re: 32 bit to 64 bit computer Dear Webby, is there a way to go from a 32 bit to a 64 bit without buying a new computer? thanks, OP Dear OP No, you can't. Just format your computer and re-install everything, and it will be a speed demon like it was on day one. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Chris for binging back this classic: ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the woman you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Volpe?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Nina Capelli?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself." Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" "Four months vacation and five good leads."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
This quiz has been around since we were kids. Do you remember the answers? 1. If a plane crashed on the border of the USA and Canada, where should the survivors be buried? 2. How many species of each animal did Moses take aboard the ark? 3. How many months have 28 days? 4. How far can a bear walk into the woods? 5. What is the value of coin dated 24 B.C.? 6. How many grooves does a 45rpm phonograph record have? 7. A camper leaves her camp, hikes 1 mile south, then 1 mile east where she sees a bear. Then she hikes 1 mile north to arrive at her camp. What color is the bear? 8. If a rooster lays an egg on the peak of a roof , will the egg roll to the left side or to the right side? 9. If a south bound electric train is traveling at a rate of 66 miles per hour and the wind is blowing to the north at 35 miles per hour, which way will the smoke blow? 10. On which side of a chicken are the most feathers? ANSWERS: 1. You don't bury survivors. 2. Moses didn't have an Ark, Noah did. 3. All twelve of them. 4. Half way, then he is walking out of the woods. 5. Nothing, a coin could not be dated BC. 6. One (spiraling) on each side. 7. The camp must be at the north pole, therefore the bear is white. 8. Roosters don't lay eggs, chickens do. 9. Electric trains don't blow smoke. 10. The outside. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Tips for Growing Daffodils Of all the bulbs that bloom in the late winter and early spring, daffodils (Narcissus) are among the easiest and most rewarding to grow. If given minimum care at planting time they will grow, bloom, and increase in number with virtually no further attention from you. Because their flowers bloom in early spring you don't need to water the plants during the summer. Daffodils seldom need dividing, and perhaps best off all, they are completely unappetizing to the same rodents that find your tulip bulbs irresistible. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Political Correctness: A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end. --- Kati
This is an amazing artist!
___________________________________________________ An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, "I gladdened seven hearts today." "Seven hearts?" asks the friend. "How did you do that?" The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, "I performed three marriages." The friend looks at him quizzically. "Seven?" he asks. "I could understand six, but..." "Well, what do you think," says the rabbi, "that I do this for free?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 9 in
1454 Amerigo Vespucci was born in Florence, Italy. Martin
Waldseemüller, a German mapmaker, named the American continent in his
honor, because Amerigo Vespucci was the first to recognize that the
new world was an entirely new and different continent and not
connected to Asia.

1617 The Treaty of Stolbovo ended the occupation of Northern Russia by
Swedish troops. 

1734 The Russians took Danzig (Gdansk) in Poland. 

1745 The first carillon was shipped from England to Boston, MA. 

1793 Jean Pierre Blanchard made the first balloon flight in North
America. The event was witnessed by U.S. President George Washington. 

1796 Napoleon Bonaparte and Josephine de Beauharnais were married.
They were divorced in 1809. 

1799 The U.S. Congress contracted with Simeon North, of Berlin, CT,
for 500 horse pistols at the price of $6.50 each. 

1812 Swedish Pomerania was seized by Napoleon. 

1820 The U.S. Congress passed the Land Act that paved the way for
westward expansion of North America. 

1822 Charles M. Graham received the first patent for artificial teeth.

1839 The French Academy of Science announced the Daguerreotype photo

1860 The first Japanese ambassador to the U.S. was appointed. 

1862 During the U.S. Civil War, the ironclads Monitor and Virginia
(built from the remnants of the USS Merrimack) fought to a draw in a
five-hour battle at Hampton Roads, Virginia. 

1863 General Ulysses Grant was appointed commander-in-chief of the
Union forces. 

1897 A patent was issued to William Spinks and William Hoskins for cue

1905 In Egypt, U.S. archeologist Davies discovered the royal tombs of
Tua and Yua. 

1905 In Manchuria, Japanese troops surrounded 200,000 Russian troops
that were retreating from Mudken. 

1905 In Congo, Belgian Vice Gov. Costermans committed suicide
following an investigation of colonial policy. 

1906 In the Philippines, fifteen Americans and 600 Moros were killed
in the last two days of fighting. 

1909 The French National Assembly passed an income tax bill. 

1910 Union men urged for a national sympathy strike for miners in

1911 The funding for five new battleships was added to the British
military defense budget. 

1916 Mexican raiders led by Pancho Villa attacked Columbus, New
Mexico. 17 people were killed by the 1,500 horsemen. 

1929 Eric Krenz became the first athlete to toss the discus over 160

1932 Eamon De Valera was elected president of the Irish Free State and
pledged to abolish all loyalty to the British Crown. 

1933 The U.S. Congress began its 100 days of enacting New Deal

1936 The German press warned that all Jews who vote in the upcoming
elections would be arrested. 

1945 "Those Websters" debuted on CBS radio. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. B-29 bombers launched incendiary bomb
attacks against Japan. 

1946 The A.F.L. accused Juan Peron of using the army to establish a
dictatorship over Argentine labor. 

1949 The first all-electric dining car in America was placed in
service on the Illinois Central Railroad. 

1954 WNBT-TV (now WNBC-TV), in New York, broadcast the first local
color television commercials. The ad was Castro Decorators of New York
City. (New York) 

1956 British authorities arrested and deported Archbishop Makarios
from Cyprus. He was accused of supporting terrorists. 

1957 Egyptian leader Nasser barred U.N. plans to share the tolls for
the use of the Suez Canal. 

1959 Mattel introduced Barbie at the annual Toy Fair in New York. 

1964 Production began on the first Ford Mustang. 

1965 The first U.S. combat troops arrived in South Vietnam. 

1967 Svetlana Alliluyeva, Josef Stalin's daughter defected to the
United States. 

1969 "The Smothers Brothers' Comedy Hour" was canceled by CBS-TV. 

1975 Work began on the Alaskan oil pipeline. 

1975 Iraq launched an offensive against the rebel Kurds. 

1977 About a dozen armed Hanafi Muslims invaded three buildings in
Washington, DC. They killed one person and took more than 130
hostages. The siege ended two days later. 

1983 The official Soviet news agency TASS says that U.S. President
Reagan is full of "bellicose lunatic anti-communism." 

1985 "Gone With The Wind" went on sale in video stores across the U.S.
for the first time. 

1986 U.S. Navy divers found the crew compartment of the space shuttle
Challenger along with the remains of the astronauts. 

1987 Chrysler Corporation offered to buy American Motors Corporation. 

1989 The U.S. Senate rejected John Tower as a choice for a cabinet
member. It was the first rejection in 30 years. 

1989 In Maylasia, 30 Asian nations conferred on the issue of "boat

1989 In the U.S., a strike forced Eastern Airlines into bankruptcy. 

1989 In the U.S., President George H.W. Bush urged for a mandatory
death penalty in drug-related killings. 

1990 Dr. Antonia Novello was sworn in as the first female and Hispanic
surgeon general. 

1993 Rodney King testified at the federal trial of four Los Angeles
police officers accused of violating his civil rights. (California) 

1995 The Canadian Navy arrested a Spanish trawler for illegally
fishing off of Newfoundland. 

2000 In Norway, the coalition government of Kjell Magne Bondevik
resigned as a result of an environmental dispute. 

2011 Illinois Governor Pat Quinn signed legislation that abolished the
death penalty in his state. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 4 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 917 )
Saving movies 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 8
Thank you Claude!

Trump sure has the Commies all confused with the tariffs!
Normally Democrats demand tariffs to protect union members, 
but during Obama's days, bribes from Socialist countries counted for
more. Apparently foreign unions are closer to Stalin, Putin and Soros.

Now, with Trump announcing that he is going to level the playing
field, the Democrats fear that they are going to loose their big
They don't give a hoot about American Steelworkers and Aluminum
smelter workers. 

What are the steel and smelter workers saying about the Democrats
whining about tariffs leveling the field? 
"That's a bunch of Pelosi! We can make our own rails and our own beer
cans. No need for subsidized imports stealing our jobs!"

I agree with the steel and smelter workers 100%.
I used to be one of them!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Father and 19-year-old daughter caught 
having sex in somebody else's garden
Today, March 8 in
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants. --- Isaac Newton (1642 - 1727) Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. --- John Barrymore (1882 - 1942) "Live so that your friends can defend you, but never have to." --- Arnold Glasow Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions. --- Evan Esar ----------------- Actually Economics is the same, but there the confusions change more frequently. _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Rina got lost with her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it." Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty five minutes. Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. She explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, but you can follow me over to K-Mart" ______________________________________________________ Andy came to work one day limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "Well, I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the TV." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ White Egret Orchid (Habenaria Radiata) _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ About a year ago a friend, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk funny?" "Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Justin Bunn, 39, Taylor Bunn, 19 Panama City, Floriduh Father and 19-year-old daughter caught having sex in somebody else's back garden A Florida man and his 19-year-old daughter have been charged with incest after they were seen having sex in the backyard of a Panama City residence, according to court records. Justin Bunn, 39, and his daughter Taylor reportedly admitted to the consensual February 18 encounter, police say. A Panama City Police report charges that a witness spotted the Bunns “having sexual intercourse in a missionary position in the backyard” of a home about three miles from a residence the Bunns (seen above) share. Following his arrest Tuesday, Justin Bunn reportedly confessed to having sex with his daughter, but “stated it was an isolated incident.” Taylor Bunn, police report, also made “several admissions about having sexual intercourse with her father.” The Bunns have each been charged with incest, a felony. A judge yesterday set Justin Bunn’s bond at $5000, while his daughter will have to post $1000 to secure her release from the Bay County jail. The Bunns have been ordered to have no contact “in any manner” with each other. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From the Tech Support Pits: From: Monk Re: Saving videos Dear Webby, I am just now catching up with my old Webby news letters. What must I do to put your November Bonus link (a Pittance of time) into my video or my music folder in my omputer, Sir? Monk Dear Monk When you play it with MediaPlayer, let it play to the end, then click on File SaveAs and tell it where on your computer you want to park it. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
From Georgina: I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our kids to an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the waitress brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. When she poured a small amount for my husband to taste, our six-year-old piped up, "Give it to Mom. Mom can drink a LOT more than that!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A three-year-old in the congregation regularly watched football games with his father. So much so, that he knew some of the signals the referee makes. On a recent Sunday, as the pastor raised his hands high to offer a blessing, the child interrupted the service by shouting, "Touchdown!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Start Your Day With a List If you are generally disorganized, get a spiral notebook and start making lists. Start by writing today's date followed by everything you need to do that day. As you finish items, cross them out with a single line, so you can still read what it said. If there is anything still on your list at the end of the day, write it at the top of the list the following day. Start your day with a list and you get more done. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Political Correctness: A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end. --- Kati
Historic Route 66 in photos.
It has been too long since I drove Route 66! ___________________________________________________ When you're hospitalized, it pays to be nice to your nurse, even when you're feeling miserable. A bossy businessman learned the hard way after ordering his nurses around as if they were his employees. But the head nurse stood up to him. One morning she entered his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer." This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his bottom. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay just like that until I get back!" She left the door to his room open on her way out, and he cursed under his breath as he heard people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man's doctor came into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor. Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?" "Yes, sure." said the doctor. "But never with Poison Ivy." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 8 in
1618 Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion.

1702 England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of King
William III. 

1782 The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians were
killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids carried out by
other Indians. 

1855 A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge at
Niagara Falls, NY. 

1862 The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched. 

1887 The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett Horton. 

1894 A dog license law was enacted in the state of New York. It was
the first animal control law in the U.S. 

1904 The Bundestag in Germany lifted the ban on the Jesuit order of

1905 In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was spreading
to Georgia. 

1909 Pope Pius X lifted the church ban on interfaith marriages in

1910 In France, Baroness de Laroche became the first woman to obtain a
pilot's license. 

1910 The King of Spain authorized women to attend universities. 

1911 In Europe, International Women's Day was celebrated for the first

1911 British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared that
Britain would not support France in the event of a military conflict. 

1917 Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and strikes in
St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the "February Revolution"
due to Russia's use of the Old Style calendar. 

1921 Spanish Premier Eduardo Dato was assassinated while leaving the
Parliament in Madrid. 

1921 After WWI French troops occupied Dusseldorf. 

1933 Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first time at
Franklin, IN. 

1941 Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to extinguish any
anti-Nazi protests. 

1942 During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon, Burma. 

1943 Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in
Bougainville. The battle lasted five days. 

1945 Phyllis Mae Daley received a commission in the U.S. Navy Nurse
Corps. She later became the first African-American nurse to serve duty
in World War II. 

1946 In New York City, the "Journal American" became the first
commercial business to receive a helicopter license. 

1946 The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam. 

1948 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction in public
schools was unconstitutional. Things have gone downhill ever since.

1953 A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers had quit
farming over the last 2 years. 

1954 France and Vietnam opened talks in Paris on a treaty to form the
state of Indochina. 

1959 Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance together.

1961 Max Conrad circled the globe in a record time of eight days, 18
hours and 49 minutes in the Piper Aztec. 

1965 The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They were
the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam. 

1966 Australia announced that it would triple the number of troops in

1973 Two bombs exploded near Trafalgar Square in Great Britain. 234
people were injured. 

1982 The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans with poison

1985 The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) reported that 407,700
Americans were millionaires. That was more than double the total from
just five years before. 

1986 Four French television crewmembers were abducted in west Beirut.
All four were eventually released. 

1988 In Fort Campbell, KY, 17 U.S. soldiers were killed when two Army
helicopters collided in midair. 

1989 In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three days of
protest against Chinese rule. 

1999 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the conviction of Timothy McVeigh
for the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City in 1995. 

1999 The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed the
firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at the Los Alamos
National Laboratory. The firing was a result of alleged security

2001 The U.S. House of Representatives voted for an across-the-board
tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next decade. 

2005 In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan Maskhadov was
killed during a raid by Russian forces.

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 9 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 486 )
Better PDF viewer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, March 7

I am sorry about the late delivery of the Humor Letter yesterday. I
had it written and tried to send it, but some mysterious server
problem blocked it. I hacked around on it till mid day until Victor in Ukraine fixed it.

I sure am going to sleep well tonight!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Two men, teen-age girl arrested for conspiring 
to rob, assault victim
Today, March 7 in
1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before the city
council that, "Women are not physically fit to operate automobiles." 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Howard Hughes was able to afford the luxury of madness, like a man who not only thinks he is Napoleon but hires an army to prove it. --- Ted Morgan Computer games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive music. --- Marcus Brigstocke ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law." ______________________________________________________ The plane was loaded with people when it made a refueling stop. They were told they would be on the ground for 1 hour and they could leave the plane while they refueled. They all got off except for a blind man and his dog. The pilot went to the back of the plane and saw the blind man. He had known him from his travels before. He approached the man and said, "Keith, would you like to leave the plane and stretch your legs?" "No, thank you," the man said, "but my dog would." A few minutes later, the pilot was seen passing through the gate with dark sunglasses and the dog. Most passengers changed their flight. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Your Ex? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ When Rabbi Ovall picked up the phone, Special Agent Struzik from the IRS was on the line. "Hello, Rabbi Ovall?" "Yes, this is he." "I'm calling to inquire about a member of your congregation, a Dr. Finegold. Do you recognize the name?" "Yes, he is a member. How can I be of service?" "Well, on last year's tax return, the doctor claimed that he made a sizable tax-deductible contribution to your synagogue. Is that true?" "Well, I'll have to have my bookkeeper verify this information for you. How much did Dr. Finegold say he contributed?" "Twenty five thousand dollars," answered Agent Struzik. "Can you tell me if that's true?" There was a long pause. "I'll tell you what," replied Rabbi Ovall, "Call back tomorrow. By then it will be true." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Colton J. Lynch, 24, of Denver, Jeffrey R. Garrett, 19, of Adamstown, and a 15 year old girl Two men, teen-age girl arrested for conspiring to rob, assault victim Two men and a juvenile girl are accused of conspiring to rob a victim, Ephrata, PA police say. A month-long investigation led police to charge Jeffrey R. Garrett, 19, of Adamstown, Colton J. Lynch, 24, of Denver, and a 15-year-old juvenile girl with Robbery, Conspiracy to Commit Robbery and Aggravated Assault in connection to a suspected crime that occurred on Jan. 23. According to police, Garrett and Lynch asked the girl to find a victim they could assault and rob. The girl allegedly led a victim to a pre- arranged location, a parking garage in the 100 block of East Locust Street. There, Lynch and Garrett assaulted and robbed the victim, police say, cutting him on the elbow with a knife and stealing his wallet and its contents. Garrett is currently incarcerated in Lancaster County Prison after failing to post $50,000 bail. The juvenile’s charges were referred to Lancaster County Juvenile Probation. Lynch is still at large, police say. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richard Re: Better PDF viewer Dear Webby, I appreciate what help you are giving. I think there is a problem with my registry. I cant use Adobe reader now because it wants me to use the latest version and now I cant install that. Do you know of any other PDF viewers. I seem to remember something in a distant path of my mind. .... lol Eventually Im going to do a re-instal. For now I'll limp by until I get up the nerve. Thanks Richard in Edmonton Dear Richard Just go to my toolbox at and look for the PDF readers. There is a link there to Foxit. It is smaller and faster than Adobe, and works just fine, even with ClickBook. I haven't used Adobe in years. And it's free. Especially when you are doing research and have 4-5 e-boooks open, Foxit handles that easily, without overloading your computer even while printing one with Clickbook, while reading others. I print all ebooks in paperback book size booklets, 4 pages per sheet, with ClickBook. Saves a lot of paper and ink. That's the same as a 75% discount on all ink and all paper! Also, the paperback size format, printed front and back, makes them a lot more useful than loose, full size sheets. Right now ClickBook is on special at Clickbook (40% off regular price). Highly recommended! Foxit is a READER. If you want to re ad and EDIT PDF files, for example Government forms, then I recommend Nitro. Don't ask me why the Government puts their forms in PDF format. Maybe they get kickbacks from Microsoft and Adobe? You can get the Nitro reader at GoNitro I have used Nitro for half a dozen years. You can fill out all the silly forms, and even paste a scanned signature. Then email or fax it to them. They never know that you did not waste paper and toner or ink on their form. You can also clip pictures from eBooks or any PDF files with nitro. Quite often the picture of the day is a picture I harvested with Nitro. Like Clickbook, Nitro is one of the essentials in any decent tool box. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "Yeah, but what if they try to escape?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply. The doctor says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thread Wall Organizer Keep spools of thread out of the way but in plain view by making this easy wall organizer. Cut a piece of plywood to the desired size and attach wall hangers on the top of it. Then cover the plywood with 1 1/2 inch headless nails (finishing nails work great). Position the nails at an angle so the thread spools don't slide off. Tip provided by I once made pegboards like that for my girlfriend, who did a lot of embroidery. For the wood I used regular "holy" panel like you see in hardware stores. The holes were an exact match for 3/16" dowels, just perfect for holding the little styrofoam spools she used for winding the yarns onto after untangling the skeins. I cut those pegboards to fit into an attache style hard briefcase and painted them with thick and smooth high gloss marine paint. Each of those panels held a "pallette" of colors, for example one was pastels, one was bright Brazilian embroidery rayon yarns, and so on. I made it so that four pallets just snugly fit into the case. With the cover closed, the yarns were protected from dust and smoke. Easy to make and might make a nice Christmas gift. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
People are awesome!
Thanks to Dianne for this story: We got lucky when we heard the old Piedmont Hotel in Atlanta was getting a face-lift and its beautiful maple doors became available for sale as salvage items. We bought several and had them installed in our 19th-century home. Showing a friend around the house, I pointed out, "You know, these doors are from the Piedmont Hotel." He raised an eyebrow. "Most people just take the towels." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 7 in
0322 BC Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 

1774 The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce. 

1799 In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men massacred more
than 2,000 Albanian prisoners. 

1848 In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed. 

1849 The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved. 

1854 Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell received a patent (U.S. Patent No. 174,465)
for his telephone. 

1901 It was announced that blacks had been found enslaved in parts of
South Carolina. 

1904 The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok. 

1904 In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a black man
accused of murder. 

1906 Finland granted women the right to vote. 

1908 Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before the city
council that, "Women are not physically fit to operate automobiles." 

1911 Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker. 

1911 In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent 20,000
troops to the border of Mexico. 

1918 Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany. 

1925 The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia. 

1927 A Texas law that banned Negroes from voting was ruled
unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1933 CBS radio debuted "Marie The Little French Princess." It was the
first daytime radio serial. 

1933 The board game Monopoly was invented. 

1935 Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph in

1936 Hitler sent German troops into the formerly German Rhineland in
violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles. 

1942 Japanese troops landed on New Guinea. 

1945 During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River at
Remagen, Germany. 

1947 John L. Lewis declared that only a totalitarian regime could
prevent strikes. 

1951 U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway launched
Operation Ripper against the Chinese. 

1954 Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey competition.
Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world ice-hockey title in
Stockholm, Sweden. 

1955 "Peter Pan" was presented as a television special for the first

1959 Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a million
miles in jet airplanes. 

1965 State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march by civil
rights demonstrators in Selma, AL. 

1968 The Battle of Saigon came to an end. 

1971 A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos. 

1981 Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the kidnapped
American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman. The guerrillas
accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent. 

1987 Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder when he
beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round fight in Las Vegas,

1989 Poland accused the Soviet Union of an end of World War II
massacre in Katyn. Russia had rounded up all Polish officers and all
Polish college graduates in the half of Poland, that Russia occupied, 
and executed them in the Katyn forest, then blamed it on Germany.

Interestingly, after the Soviets admitted that and built a memorial in
the Katyn Forest, they invited the Polish Government leaders and
intelligentsia to the opening ceremony. That jet crashed near the
airport. Nobody knows why. All passengers died in the crash.

1994 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke fun at an
original work can be considered "fair use" that does not require
permission from the copyright holder. 

1994 In Moldovia, a referendum to form a union with Rumania was
rejected by 90% of voters. 

1999 In El Salvador, Francisco Flores Pérez of the ruling Nationalist
Republican Alliance (Arena) was elected president. 

2002 A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than $88 million
in damages. The ruling was the latest in a legal battle over the
estate of Smith's late husband, J. Howard Marshall II. 

2003 Scientists at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center announced
that they had transferred 6.7 gigabytes of uncompressed data from
Sunnvale, CA, to Amsterdam, Netherlands, in 58 seconds. The data was
sent via fiber-optic cables and traveled 6,800 miles. 

2009 NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching for
extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched from Cape
Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida.

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 7 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1713 )
Onfiltered== Censored 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, March 5

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man held without bail in I-495 hatchet carjackings
Today, March 5 in
1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class 
was exempted from whipping by legislation.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ To die for an idea; it is unquestionably noble. But how much nobler it would be if men died for ideas that were true! -- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ THE TODDLER DIET Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), or you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days, or go right back to stuffing their faces after it is all over. Is there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends you have a gland problem? Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet! Over the years you may have noticed, as I have, that most two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a glass of water and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason. After consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught Moms, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive, offering great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on this diet, however, be sure to check with your doctor -- otherwise, you might have to see him afterward. Good luck! DAY ONE Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest). Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi. Bedtime snack: Toast a piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor. DAY TWO Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Lunch: Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on the rug. Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon. DAY THREE Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair. Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. FINAL DAY Breakfast: A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of Cornflakes, add a half cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Lunch: Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it. Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert. ______________________________________________________ An wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 85." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Brittlebush, south of Tucson, AZ And here we have 2 feet of snow. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Lorna for this report: While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class almost 50 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1953." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Marcos Garcia, 42, Lawrence, Massawhosits Man held without bail in I-495 hatchet carjackings A Lawrence man who allegedly used a hatchet to carjack another car following a crash on Interstate 495 on Wednesday night is being held without bail. Marcos Garcia, 42, was arraigned on Thursday in his hospital bed at Lahey Hospital and Medical Center. He pleaded, through an interpreter, not guilty to two counts of carjacking, one count of negligent operation of a motor vehicle and one count of resisting arrest. Garcia will face a judge again next Wednesday in Ayer District Court for a dangerousness hearing, assuming he's not hospitalized. Around 7:15 p.m. Wednesday, state police were dispatched to a reported motor vehicle crash on the southbound side of Interstate 495 in Chelmsford. State police said in a press release that night that Garcia had operated one of the vehicles involved, then allegedly used a hatchet to carjack another vehicle and continued along 495 until he struck two other vehicles and crashed in Littleton. Thursday's arraignment stems from the Littleton crash. Police are still investigating the Chelmsford portion of the alleged incident. Assistant District Attorney April O'Brien said Thursday that Garcia attempted to steal the two vehicles following the crash in Littleton. The driver of a black BMW told police Garcia, at the time shirtless and covered in blood, entered his car and tried to steal it, while the driver of a Toyota Sienna told police he attempted to enter her car. "He was swaying on his feet," O'Brien said during Thursday's arraignment. "Police continued to yell at him to comply. He was punching his fists. He said no. Police had to use a Taser. It took them activating the Taser five times to get the defendant under control." No mention was made at Thursday's arraignment of the hatchet Garcia allegedly used to carjack the first vehicle. The charges were read to Garcia through an interpreter. He sat upright and alert, handcuffed to his hospital bed with a bandage on the right side of his face. Judge David Frank ordered Garcia held without bail until his dangerousness hearing. Thomas Combs, Garcia's attorney, declined to comment following Thursday's arraignment. Tom O'Donnell, of Westford, who was driving on I-495 at the time of the initial tractor-trailer crash in Chelmsford, said he "saw a van screaming down the high-speed lane." According to O'Donnell, the driver of the van was the carjacker. "I spoke to the driver of the tractor trailer," O'Donnell said. "He said the van cut in front of him." This caused the tractor trailer to swerve in an attempt to avoid contact with the reckless vehicle. "The tractor-trailer driver was a real hero in my opinion by keeping control of his truck," O'Donnell said. "I'm amazed that the only person hurt was the driver of the van." _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Don C Re: Censored Dear Webby, Frequently I find jokes or other anecdotes have been cut short by a line of equal signs which prevent me from reading the rest of the story. Following is an example. Is it somthing I am doing? What can I do to correct it? Thank you. Don C valve stems were all even. Without even a laugh or a chuckle, he did as she had asked, and put "Rotated tires" onfiltered=============== Dear Don "onfiltered==" means that Yahoo has censored some stuff. Once you graduate and upgrade to a better mail system, that nonsense will instantly stop. In the meantime you can check the on-line copy at or the archive blog at to see what the punch line is, that everybody else got in their mail. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel in England to ask its location. "It's only a stone's throw away from Stoney Beach," he was told. "But how will I recognize it?" asked the man. Back came the reply: "It's the one with all the broken windows."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you all understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many people had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark only has 16 chapters. I will know proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Take a Break From Your Computer Avoid sitting in front of your computer for more than 30 minutes at a time. If you find you lose track of time, set a timer to go off in 30 minutes. Then get up, stretch, and walk around a bit before sitting back down. It also helps ease eye strain if you periodically look at distant objects. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ The supervisor for the British Government Road Construction Workers Union called the meeting to order. "Men -- we've agreed on a new deal with the Government. We'll no longer have to work FOUR days a week!" "HOOORAY!!!" the crowd cheered. "We'll quit work at 4 PM and not 5 PM!" "HOORAY!!!" the crowd roared. "We don't have to be in until 11 AM instead of 10 AM!" "HOORAY!!!" the crowd thundered. "And now, even though 99% of the roads in the country are blocked by orange barrels, we'll only have to work on Wednesdays!!" Silence. A voice from the back of the room asks, "You mean, EVERY Wednesday?"
Let's take a trip to Scotland.
Showing his friend around his home, Fred started to point out all of the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't possibly know the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it." "Simple: When I sell it, my wife will kill me!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 5 in
1623 The first alcohol temperance law in the colonies was enacted in

1624 In the American colony of Virginia, the upper class was exempted
from whipping by legislation. 

1750 "King Richard III" was performed in New York City. It was the
first Shakespearean play to be presented in America. 

1766 The first Spanish governor of Louisiana, Antonio de Ulloa,
arrived in New Orleans. 

1770 "The Boston Massacre" took place when British troops fired on a
crowd in Boston killing five people. Two British troops were later
convicted of manslaughter. 

1793 Austrian troops defeated the French and recaptured Liege. 

1836 Samuel Colt's Patent Arms Manufacturing of Paterson, New Jersey,
was chartered by the New Jersey legislature. 

1842 A Mexican force of over 500 men under Rafael Vasquez invaded
Texas for the first time since the revolution. They briefly occupied
San Antonio, but soon headed back to the Rio Grande. 

1845 The U.S. Congress appropriated $30,000 to ship camels to the
western U.S. 

1872 George Westinghouse patented the air brake. Air brakes had been
around, but he came up with car borne reservoirs that made them much
more efficient.

1900 Two U.S. battleships left for Nicaragua to halt revolutionary

1901 Germany and Britain began negotiations with hopes of creating an

1902 In France, the National Congress of Miners decided to call for a
general strike for an 8-hour day. 

1907 In St. Petersburg, Russia, the new Duma opened. 40,000
demonstrators were dispersed by troops. 

1910 In Philadelphia, PA, 60,000 people left their jobs to show
support for striking transit workers. 

1910 The Moroccan envoy signed the 1909 agreement with France. 

1912 The Italians became the first to use dirigibles for military
purposes. They used them for reconnaissance flights behind Turkish
lines west of Tripoli. 

1918 The Soviets moved the capital of Russia from Petrograd to Moscow.

1922 "Annie Oakley" (Phoebe Ann Moses) broke all existing records for
women's trap shooting. She hit 98 out of 100 targets. 

1923 Old-age pension laws were enacted in the states of Montana and

1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt ordered a four-day bank
holiday in order to stop large amounts of money from being withdrawn
from banks. 

1933 The Nazi Party won 44 percent of the vote in German parliamentary

1934 In Amarillo, TX, the first Mother's-In-Law Day was celebrated. 

1943 Germany called fifteen- and sixteen-year-olds for military
service due to war losses. 

1946 Winston Churchill delivered his "Iron Curtain Speech". 

1946 The U.S. sent protests to the U.S.S.R. re incursions into
Manchuria and Iran. 

1953 Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin died. He had been in power for 29

1956 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed the ban on segregation in public

1970 A nuclear non-proliferation treaty went into effect after 43
nations ratified it. It made no difference.

1976 The British pound fell below the equivalent of $2 for the first
time in history. 

1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that cities had the right to display
the Nativity scene as part of their Christmas display. 

1984 The U.S. accused Iraq of using poison gas. 

1985 Mike Bossy (New York Islanders) became the first National Hockey
League player to score 50 goals in eight consecutive seasons. 

1993 Cuban President Fidel Castro said that Hillary Clinton was "a
beautiful woman." 

1993 Sprinter Ben Johnson was banned from racing for life by the
Amateur Athletic Association after testing positive for banned
performance-enhancing substances for a second time. 

1998 NASA announced that an orbiting craft had found enough water on
the moon to support a human colony and rocket fueling station. 

1998 It was announced that Air Force Lt. Col. Eileen Collins would
lead crew of Columbia on a mission to launch a large X-ray telescope.
She was the first woman to command a space shuttle mission. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 5 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 547 )
Computer service manuals 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, March 4

Still snowing

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman had pipe, three bags and 
a box inside private parts in jail
Today, March 4 in
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit. --- Elbert Hubbard (1856 - 1915) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man is concentrating diligently on the papers on his desk when a co-worker comes up. "Say, you want to hit the golf course this afternoon?" he asks. "Sorry," the man says, "I can't." "Why not?" "The doctor tells me I can't play." "Oh," says the co-worker, "he's been out with you, too?" ______________________________________________________ A wife was getting tired of her husband golfing every Saturday, so she decided to go with him to see what the attraction was. His first drive of the day went into the rough, then his second shot bounced across the fairway into the lake. After retrieving his ball, his third shot wasn't any better. It went back across the fairway into the rough again. After taking several more shots to finally reach the green, he turned to his wife and said, "And you thought I was having a good time." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Because winter was so dry, Ocotillos are early this year. I can't go to Arizona this year, but I still enjoy the pictures! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The bank manager noticed the new clerk wasn't good at counting money or adding up figures. "Where did you get your finance education?" he asked. "Yale," replied the lad. "And what's your name?" barked the manager. "Yim Yohnston," he replied. _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lillian Adams, 33, St Augustine, Florida Florida woman had pipe, three bags and a box inside private parts in jail A St. Augustine woman had multiple items hidden in her private parts while she was being processed for drug possession, a St. Johns County Sheriff's Office report said. Lillian Adams, 33, was pulled over near the St. Augustine Outlets and booked for drug possession and smuggling contraband after a traffic stop. The arrest report said that when Adams was being processed at the St. Johns County Jail, a body scanner revealed a pipe in her private area. After Adams removed it, she went back through the body scanner, where more objects were found, the report said. Adams told the officers that she had more drugs and removed a red box containing a white substance, the report said. When she went back through the scanner, another object was found, and Adams was told she would be strip-searched. She told the deputy, "Okay, I have more drugs, I promise this time, this is everything." Adams then removed three bags from a private area, which also held a white substance, the report said. Jail records show that Adams was released on $5,500 bail. Also arrested during the traffic stop was Ryan Smith, 30. The report said that he chewed a chicken nugget with marijuana on it during the traffic stop. Smith resisted arrest and spat out the marijuana when handcuffed, the report said. Smith told the arresting deputy that he ate the marijuana during the traffic stop because he had just been released from jail and did not wish to be arrested again. Jail records show that Smith was just released from the St. Johns County Jail three weeks ago. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rick Re: Service Manuals Dear Webby, Years ago you had a link to all kinds of service manuals. Do you still have that? Rick Dear Rick Yes, sure. Service Manuals Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, "What did you forget?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A friend, working in a gas station, was doing some minor repairs on a ladies vehicle. Before the car was removed from the rack, she asked him to rotate all the wheels so that the valve stems were all even. Without even a laugh or a chuckle, he did as she had asked, and put "Rotated tires" onto the work sheet that she had to take up to the front. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Free Car Rental If you are having a major car repair done and your car won't be available to you for days, or even weeks, ask the garage doing the repair to give you a loaner car to use while you wait. They may have loaner cars available for this purpose or they may arrange to get you a car from a rental agency. If they say no, call around to other repair shops and see if they offer this service for major repairs. It could save you hundreds of dollars if public transportation or a car pool isn't available to get to your workplace. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ A woman visits an import parts warehouse and asks for a 28-ounce water pump. "A what?" says the confused parts guy. "My husband says he needs a 28-ounce water pump, he even wrote it down for me." "A 28-ounce water pump? What kind of car does it fit?" "A Datsun." As the parts guy writes down "Datsun, 28 oz. water pump" the light in his head goes on. "Oh yes ma'am. We've got 28-ounce water pumps. We have 24-ounce and 26-ounce water pumps too." "Finally," she says. "You're the first place I've called that knew what I was talking about." "Yes ma'am. That's because we're a full service parts warehouse. It's our job to have the parts you need, like a 28-ounce water pump," he says, smiling, as he jots down Customer pick-up, Datsun 280 Z water pump, part number . . .
Welcome to the Shirk Report where you will find 20 funny images, 10 interesting articles and 5 entertaining videos from the last 7 days of sifting.
An elderly fellow was taken to the hospital for an examination of his circulatory system. When he got home, his wife asked what had happened. He said, "They worked this gadget into my artery and up into my heart, and then they sucked out thirty years of chocolate cake." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 4 in
1634 Samuel Cole opened the first tavern in Boston, MA.

1681 England's King Charles II granted a charter to William Penn for
an area that later became the state of Pennsylvania. 

1766 The British Parliament repealed the Stamp Act, which had caused
bitter and violent opposition in the U.S. colonies. 

1778 The Continental Congress voted to ratify the Treaty of Amity and
Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance. The two treaties were the first
entered into by the U.S. government. 

1789 The first Congress of the United States met in New York and
declared that the U.S. Constitution was in effect. 

1813 The Russians fighting against Napoleon reached Berlin. The French
garrison evacuated the city without a fight. 

1826 The first railroad in the U.S. was chartered. It was the Granite
Railway in Quincy, MA. 

1861 The Confederate States of America adopted the "Stars and Bars"

1877 Emile Berliner invented the microphone. 

1880 Halftone engraving was used for the first time when the "Daily
Graphic" was published in New York City. 

1904 In Korea, Russian troops retreated toward the Manchurian border
as 100,000 Japanese troops advanced. 

1908 The New York board of education banned the act of whipping
students in school. 

1908 France notified signatories of Algeciras that it would send
troops to Chaouia, Morocco. 

1914 Doctor Fillatre successfully separated Siamese twins. 

1933 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt gave his inauguration speech in
which he said "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself." 

1942 "Junior Miss" starring Shirley Temple aired on CBS radio for the
first time. 

1952 U.S. President Harry Truman dedicated the "Courier," the first
seagoing radio broadcasting station. 

1954 In Boston, Peter Bent Brigham Hospital reported the first
successful kidney transplant. 

1975 Queen Elizabeth knighted Charlie Chaplin. 

1991 Sheik Saad al-Jaber al-Sabah, the prime minister of Kuwait,
returned to his country for the first time since Iraq's invasion. 

1997 U.S. President Clinton barred federal spending on human cloning. 

1998 Microsoft repaired software that apparently allowed hackers to
shut down computers in government and university offices nationwide. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that federal law banned on-the-job
sexual harassment even when both parties are the same sex.

1999 Monica Lewinsky's book about her affair with U.S. President
Clinton went on sale in the U.S. 

2002 Canada banned human embryo cloning but permitted government-
funded scientists to use embryos left over from fertility treatment or

2012 Vladimir Putin won re-election in Russia's presidential election.

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 9 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 634 )
Alphabetically sorted file list to text 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, March 3

We got another 10 inches of snow. 
No Gullible warming here, same as almost everywhere.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Brooklyn woman busted for poisoning her friend’s 
cheesecake in bid to steal her identity
Today, March 3 in
1945 At the end of World War II Finland switched sides to the winning
side before the war was completely over and declared war on the Axis.
They had asked Germany to help them against the invading Russians, and
now demanded that all Germans quickly leave before the war was
completely over.
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Fortune can, for her pleasure, fools advance, And toss them on the wheels of Chance. --- Juvenal (55 AD - 127 AD) When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken. --- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened. ______________________________________________________ A salesman is driving down a country road when he sees a young kid in front of a barn. On the barn are 5 targets with arrows in the bulls eye of each target. Screeching to a stop he runs out to the kid amazed that this kid could shoot so well. "Son," he says, "how did you hit all those bulls eyes?" "Well sir," the boy replied, "I take the arrow and lick my fingers like this, then I take my fingers and straiten the feathers like this, take aim with my hand against my cheek, let go and where ever the arrow hits, I draw a bulls eye." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Watch out, Bullwinkle! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Ronald Reagan: "Here's my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose." - Ronald Reagan "The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan "The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant: It's just that they know so much that isn't so." - Ronald Reagan "Of the four wars in my lifetime none came about because the U.S. was too strong." - Ronald Reagan "I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandment's would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress." - Ronald Reagan "The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination." - Ronald Reagan "Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other." - Ronald Reagan "The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program." - Ronald Reagan "I've laid down the law, though, to everyone from now on about anything that happens: no matter what time it is, wake me, even if it's in the middle of a Cabinet meeting." - Ronald Reagan "It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first." - Ronald Reagan "Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it." - Ronald Reagan "Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." - Ronald Reagan "No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women. - Ronald Reagan "If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - Ronald Reagan _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Viktoria Nasyrova, 42, Brooklyn, New York Brooklyn woman busted for poisoning her friend’s cheesecake in bid to steal her identity Russian fugitive 'who fled to Brooklyn to escape murder charges' is accused of poisoning her look-alike with cheesecake in an attempt to steal her identity Viktoria Nasyrova was arraigned Tuesday on a 10-count indictment with charges including attempted murder, burglary and assault Accused of trying to murder her look-alike with tranquilizer-laced cheesecake Olga Tsvyk, was found passed out with pills around her to look like suicide Arrested March 20, 2017 after being tracked down after three years on the run She is also wanted in Russia for allegedly murdering Alla Alekseenko, 54, in 2014 A Russian fugitive with a taste for expensive furs has been accused of poisoning her look-alike with a cheesecake and then stealing her identity and other property and hiding out in the United States. Viktoria Nasyrova was arraigned Tuesday on a 10-count indictment including charges of attempted murder, burglary, assault and others. The 42-year-old was arrested March 20, 2017 in Brooklyn after finally being tracked down due to her latest alleged crime. Her lawyer declined to comment on the charges. Nasayrova is also accused of fleeing to New York in 2014 after allegedly killing another woman and seducing the lead detective in her prosecution. Prosecutors say Nasyrova visited the Queens home of the fellow Russian speaking victim Olga Tsvyk in 2016 bearing a cheesecake tainted with phenazepam, a powerful Russian-made tranquilizer. The 35-year-old victim, who bares a striking resemblance to Nasayrova, ate the cheesecake, became ill and passed out, prosecutors said. She was found the next day on her bed unconscious and dressed in lingerie with pills scattered about as if she tried to kill herself. The victim later realized her passport, employment card, a gold ring and cash were missing. If convicted, Nasyrova faces up to 25 years in prison. Nasayrova is also wanted in Russia for the slaying of a Alla Alekseenko, 54, whose remains were found burned and buried two miles from her home in Krasnodar. The victim's body was spotted in the front seat of Nasyrova's car by traffic cameras, exclusively revealed when she was arrested in 2017. Investigators said she was motivated by money. The victim's daughter, Nadezda Ford, said she got a text message purporting to be from her missing mother shortly after her mother's disappearance saying: 'Sweetie, don't worry about me, I'll notify you about where I am soon enough.' But the message came after traffic camera footage appeared to show her mother dead in Nasyrova's passenger seat on the day she disappeared, October 5, 2014. Alekseenko's body was found months later, and investigators found $17,000 in cash and jewelry missing from her home. She has denied any part in the Alekseenko murder. Nasayrova was allegedly able to escape Russia by having sex with a local police officer. By November that year she had moved to New York. Once settled into her home in Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn, police said she enjoyed a lavish lifestyle of diamonds and furs, paid for by the men she lured into her life. She allegedly drugged and robbed each male before moving onto her next target. Nasayrova was eventually tracked down last year by a private detective Herman Weisberg, who was approached by Ford after she learned her mother's suspected killer was living near to her in Brooklyn. 'A Good Samaritan who knew the daughter of the murdered Russian woman got in touch with me and told me the story,' Weisberg told 'She offered to pay whatever cost for me to track her down and bring her to justice.' Ford 'was living in fear of this woman, had already moved once and was heartbroken over the loss of her mother,' said Weisberg. The intrepid detective discovered that Nasyrova was still regularly using Facebook under a different name, and found her secret profile. 'After poring over pictures I realized the stitching on the leather car seat in one of her selfies was unique to a high-end Chrysler. I then had my surveillance team scour Sheepshead Bay until we found the vehicle,' the gumshoe said. The team found the vehicle, a Chrysler 300, and began a stakeout. Weisberg's discovery paid off - they'd located the mysterious fugitive. NYPD Chief of Detectives Bob Boyce said: 'She's a con artist who meets people online through a dating site and then drugs them at some point, and takes their property from them and flees'. She was arrested by the NYPD Warrant Squad on an open warrant for the alleged seduction robberies after Weisberg alerted investigators to her location, since Russia doesn't have an extradition treaty with the U.S. 'She embarked on a life of crime here, and we don't have the whole story yet. We only have bits and pieces', Boyce added. 'What’s incredible is that Nasyrova wasn't living like she was on the lam – we pictured her out shopping for a 50-inch widescreen TV,' said Weisberg. 'We think she was empowered by her previous arrest for shoplifting, which didn’t pick up the fact she is wanted by Interpol for this murder.' Nasyrova was arrested in May of 2016 for stealing two furs worth $532 from a Century 21, but wasn't flagged as an international fugitive at the time. 'It would have made her feel like she had slipped the net,' said Weisberg. 'Not now.' Nasyrova now claims that people in jail started to 'threaten and harass her,' according to a notice of claim filed against the city. She apparently plans to sue. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cookie Re: Make an alphabetical list Dear Webby, How do I make an alphabetical list of files in a folder to use in a web page menu? Cookie Dear Cookie Use the trick with the command prompt in Explorer from a few days ago, to open a command line in that folder. At the command line type dir /b and hit Enter. At a speed that you only get in DOS, it will throw the directory listing up onto the screen. You can either right-click and mark it for copying (by hitting Enter), and then paste that into a spreadsheet, or you can type the command again like this: dir /b > dirlist.txt and hit Enter. It will look as if that didn't work, but it did, just too fast to observe. It did the listing and put it into the file dirlist.txt. You can open that with any text editor or spreadsheet. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
From Cookie: COLLEGE COURSES MEN WISH WERE AVAILABLE FOR WOMEN Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits. Combating the Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You Do Not Need New Shoes Everyday Parties: Going Without New Outfits Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His. Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire. Party Etiquette: Drinking Your Fair Share. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up Overcoming Anal Retentive Behavior: Leaving the Towels on the Floor Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon,Eggs and Butter. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His Sex: It's For Married Couples Too. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both. "Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?"-Why Men Lie. TV Remotes: For Men Only.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
This year's Halloween the University tracked Trick-or-Treaters according to their star signs and found the following: Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door first. Taurus will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates. Gemini goes around the neighbourhood once, changes costumes and goes around again. Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other trick-or-treaters. Leos plan their costume for months, then won't go out because someone else had the same idea. Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they're a bookkeeper. Libra is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on a costume. Scorpio isn't in it for the candy. Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next town. Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good candy and the optimal route to take. Aquarius builds the costume out of spare flashlights and spends all night tinkering when it shorts. Pisces skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from What Can I Use on Laminate Floors That Won't Streak? Find out what your flooring company recommends. My laminate flooring package said to use Windex. It works beautifully. By Vi Johnson Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ A hunting guide got himself into an embarassing fix. His party became hopelessly lost in the mountains and they blamed him for leading them astray. "You told us you were the best guide in Montana!" they asserted. "I am," he said, "but I think we're in Alberta now."
George Carl performs a funny vaudeville act on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.
Dear Webby... Your daily letter is like receiving good news from a dear friend. Thank you so much for bringing so much enjoyment to so many. Sincerely, Yong ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 3 in
1803 The first impeachment trial of a U.S. Judge, John Pickering,

1812 The U.S. Congress passed the first foreign aid bill. 

1817 The first commercial steamboat route from Louisville to New
Orleans was opened. 

1845 Florida became the 27th U.S. state. 

1845 The U.S. Congress passed legislation overriding a U.S.
President’s veto. It was the first time the Congress had achieved

1845 An Act of Congress established uniform postal rates throughout
the nation. The act went into effect on July 1, 1845. 

1849 The Gold Coinage Act was passed by the U.S. Congress. It allowed
the minting of gold coins. 

1849 The U.S. Congress created the territory of Minnasohta. 

1851 The U.S. Congress authorized the 3-cent piece. It was the
smallest U.S. silver coin. 

1857 Britain and France declared war on China. 

1863 Free city delivery of mail was authorized by the U.S. Postal

1878 Russia and the Ottomans signed the treaty of San Stenafano. The
treaty granted independence to Romania, Serbia, Montenegro, and the
autonomy of Bulgaria. 

1885 The American Telephone and Telegraph (AT&T) was incorporated in
New York as a subsidiary of the American Bell Telephone Company. 

1900 Striking miners in Germany returned to work. 

1903 The U.S. imposed a $2 head tax on immigrants. 

1904 Wilhelm II of Germany made the first recording of a political
document with Thomas Edison's cylinder. 

1905 The Russian Czar agreed to create an elected assembly. 

1906 A Frenchman tried the first flight in an airplane with tires. 

1908 The U.S. government declared open war on on U.S. anarchists. 

1909 Aviators Herring, Curtiss and Bishop announced that airplanes
would be made commercially in the U.S. 

1910 J.D. Rockefeller Jr. announced his withdrawal from business to
administer his father's fortune for an "uplift in humanity". He also
appealed to the U.S. Congress for the creation of the Rockefeller

1910 In New York, Robert Forest founded the National Housing
Association to fight deteriorating urban living conditions. 

1910 Nicaraguan rebels admitted defeat in open war and resorted to
guerrilla tactics in the hope of U.S. intervention. 

1915 The motion picture "Birth of a Nation" debuted in New York City. 

1918 The Treaty of Brest Litovsky was signed by Germany, Austria and
Russia. The treaty ended Russia's participation in World War I. 

1923 The first issue of Time magazine was published. 

1930 "Flying High" opened at the Apollo Theatre in New York City. 

1931 The "Star Spangled Banner," written by Francis Scott Key, was
adopted as the American national anthem. The song was originally a
poem known as "Defense of Fort McHenry." 

1939 In Bombay, Ghandi began a fast to protest the state's autocratic

1941 Moscow denounced the Axis rule in Bulgaria. 

1945 Superman encountered Batman and Robin for the first time on the
Mutual Broadcasting System. 

1945 At the end of World War II Finland switched sides to the winning
side before the war was completely over and declared war on the Axis.
They had asked Germany to help them against the invading Russians, and
now demanded that all Germans quickly leave before the war was
completely over.

1952 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld New York's Feinberg Law that banned
Communist teachers in the U.S. 

1956 Morocco gained its independence. 

1969 Apollo 9 was launched by NASA to test a lunar module. 

1969 Sirhan Sirhan testified in a Los Angeles court that he killed
Robert Kennedy. 

1972 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft was launched. 

1973 Japan disclosed its first defense plan since World War II. 

1974 About 350 people died when a Turkish Airlines DC-10 crashed just
after takeoff from Orly Airport in Paris. 

1978 The remains of Charles Chaplin were stolen from his grave in
Cosier-sur-Vevey, Switzerland. The body was recovered 11 weeks later
near Lake Geneva. 

1980 The submarine Nautilus was decommissioned. The vessels final
voyage had ended on May 26, 1979. 

1985 Women Against Pornography awarded its ‘Pig Award’ to Huggies
Diapers. The activists claimed that the TV ads for diapers had
"crossed the line between eye-catching and porn." 

1987 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected a package of $30
million in non-lethal aid for the Nicaraguan Contras. 

1991 25 people were killed when a United Airlines Boeing 737-200
crashed while on approach to the Colorado Springs airport. 

1991 Rodney King was severely beaten by Los Angeles police officers.
The scene was captured on amateur video.

1994 The Mexican government reached a peace agreement with the Chiapas

1995 A U.N. peacekeeping mission in Somalia ended. Several gunmen were
killed by U.S. Marines in Mogadishu while overseeing the pull out of

1999 In Egypt, 19 people were killed when a bus plunged into a Nile

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 6 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 580 )
Open a command prompt in Explorer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, March 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Catholic priest accused of kidnapping, 
confinement and domestic battery of wife
Today, March 2 in
1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the importation of
slaves into any port or place within the jurisdiction of the United
States... from any foreign kingdom, place, or country." 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... And how many want out." --- Tony Blair. The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little. --- Joe Martin Bizarre Holidays In March March 1 is National Pig Day and Peanut Butter Lover's Day March 2 is Old Stuff Day March 3 is I Want You To Be Happy Day, Peach Blossom Day and National Anthem Day March 4 is Holy Experiment Day March 5 is Multiple Personalities Day March 6 is National Frozen Food Day March 7 is National Crown Roast Of Pork Day March 8 is Be Nasty Day March 9 is Panic Day March 10 is Festival Of Life In The Cracks Day March 11 is Johnny Appleseed Day and Worship of Tools Day March 12 is Alfred Hitchcock Day March 13 is Jewel Day March 14 is National potato Chip Day March 15 is Buzzard's Day and Everything You Think Is Wrong Day March 16 is Everything You Do Is Right Day March 17 is Submarine Day March 18 is Supreme Sacrifice Day March 19 is poultry Day March 20 is Proposal Day and Festival Of Extraterrestrial Abductions Day March 21 is Fragrance Day March 22 is National Goof-off Day March 23 is National Organize Your Home Office Day and National Chip and Dip Day March 24 is National Chocolate Covered Raisins Day March 25 is Pecan Day and Waffle Day March 26 is Make Up Your Own Holiday Day and Spinach Festival Day March 27 is National "Joe" Day March 28 is Something On A Stick Day March 29 is Festival Of Smoke and Mirrors Day March 30 is I Am In Control Day March 31 is Bunsen Burner Day and National Clams On The Half Shell Day ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A canibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow canibal. Feeling hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Politician: $100.00. The canibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?" The cook replied: "Have you ever tried to clean one?" ______________________________________________________ The new manager walks into his office and, while settling into his new desk, finds 4 envelopes. On one he finds the words "open me first," and the other three are numbered 1 to 3. He opens the first envelope and finds a letter from his predecessor saying: "These three envelopes will save you a world of trouble. In case of emergency, please open these envelopes in sequential order; envelope one first, envelope two second, and envelope three third." The manager shrugs, puts the envelopes back, and forgets about them. Six months later, the workers go on strike. The company closes, and is losing money fast. After a long night negotiating with the union, he remembers the 3 envelopes. So he opens the first one and it says: "Blame me, your predecessor for everything". Wonderful idea he thinks, and indeed it works and the crisis comes to its end. His job is saved, and everybody's happy. A few years later, another strike hits. He goes to the drawer and opens the second envelope. It reads, "Blame the government for everything". It works like a charm, and he breathes a sigh of relief as his job is, once again, saved. A year later the workers declare another strike. The manager goes directly to the third envelope and it reads, "Prepare 4 new envelopes" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!" _____________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Father Luke W. Reese, 49, Indianapolis, Indiana Catholic priest accused of kidnapping, confinement and domestic battery of wife A Catholic priest in Indianapolis is being charged with kidnapping, criminal confinement, intimidation, and domestic battery after allegedly assaulting his wife on Sept. 24, 2017. According to a probable cause affidavit obtained Tuesday, Father Luke W. Reese, 49, assaulted the woman after he found out she was having an affair. In the court document, the victim claims she was in the backseat of a vehicle with the man when Reese arrived and told her to get out. In the document, the wife says Reese then drove them around the city as he hit her and blasted heavy metal music. The two then went to the Holy Rosary Catholic Church of Indianapolis, where the woman claims Reese made her kneel at the altar, said he could choke her, slammed her into a wall and hit her head against their vehicle before leaving, the affidavit says. Reese then reportedly drove his wife to Auburn to “make her tell her 90-something-year-old grandmother what she had done by talking to another man.” When the couple got home, the woman claims Reese ripped off her clothes, tore up her outfits “that he thought were slutty,” and forced her to have sex, according to court documents. Shortly after the alleged assault, the Holy Rosary Catholic Church released a statement in its bulletin announcing that Reese would take a leave of absence for a few months. “This past Monday, Father Reese notified me that he was experiencing some personal and family issues which would require a greater amount of his attention,” read the message to parishioners. Further down in the message, parishioners were asked to respect Reese and his family’s privacy. They were told that if they asked about the leave of absence, they would be told to “mind your own business.” _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Arnold Re: Open a command prompt in Explorer Dear Webby, You told us once how to get a command prompt in Explorer. I often need it just to have the location in a form, that I can copy, and sometimes too for making a file list, that I can copy and then paste into a sprepadsheet. I got a W7 machine now, and I think it is a bit different. Please tell me again! Arnold (The other one) Dear Arnold For a change they listened to our demands! When in the File Explorer, highlight the directory you want, then hold down the SHIFT key and RIGHT-click. You will see a selection to OPEN Command Window Here. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A Classic! A game warden noticed how a particular fellow named Sam consistently caught more fish than anyone else. Whereas the other guys would only catch three or four fish a day, Sam would come in from the lake with a boat full of fish. Stringer after stringer was packed with freshly caught trout. The warden, curious, asked Sam his secret. The successful fisherman invited the game warden to accompany him and observe. So the next morning, the two met at the dock and took off in Sam's boat. When they got to the middle of the lake, Sam stopped the boat, and the warden sat back to see how it was done. Sam's approach was simple: He took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it into the air. The explosion rocked the lake with such a force that dead fish immediately began to surface. Sam took out a net and started scooping them up. Well, you can imagine the reaction of the game warden. When he recovered from the shock of it all, he began yelling at Sam, "You can't do this! I'll put you in jail, buddy! You will be paying every fine there is in the book!" Sam, meanwhile, set his net down and took out another stick of dynamite. He lit it and tossed it in the lap of the game warden with these words: "Your turn!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Way dawn in the deep saoth, in an area known as the 'Baible Belt,' there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. One morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, "Friends I have been hearing very nasty rumors!" The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued, "One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of the dreaded 'Klu Klux Klan.' This, of course, is not true! I am asking that the guilty party confess and apologize now - right here - before my flock of loyal followers." Sister Margaret quickly stood up and pleaded, "Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be. I just mentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard under the sheets." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Storing Tea Always store loose tea in a container with a tight fitting lid to preserve the quality of the herbs. Even if your tea bags are individually wrapped, it's good to store them in a sealed container as well. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 78." The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 78. How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." The man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."
Surreal oil paintings by Joel Rea.
Dear Webby... Your daily letter is like receiving good news from a dear friend. Thank you so much for bringing so much enjoyment to so many. Sincerely, Yong ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 2 in
1807 The U.S. Congress passed an act to "prohibit the importation of
slaves into any port or place within the jurisdiction of the United
States... from any foreign kingdom, place, or country." 

1836 Texas declared its independence from Mexico and an ad interim
government was formed. 

1866 Excelsior Needle Company began making sewing machine needles. 

1877 In the U.S., Rutherford B. Hayes was declared the winner of the
1876 presidential election by the U.S. Congress. Samuel J. Tilden,
however, had won the popular vote on November 7, 1876. 

1897 U.S. President Cleveland vetoed legislation that would have
required a literacy test for immigrants entering the country. 

1899 Mount Rainier National Park in Washington was established by the
U.S. Congress. 

1899 U.S. President McKinley signed a measure that created the rank of
Admiral for the U.S. Navy. The first admiral was George Dewey. 

1900 The U.S. Congress voted to give $2 million in aid to Puerto Rico.

1901 The first telegraph company in Hawaii opened. 

1901 The U.S. Congress passed the Platt amendment, which limited Cuban
autonomy as a condition for withdrawal of U.S. troops. 

1903 The Martha Washington Hotel opened for business in New York City.
The hotel had 416 rooms and was the first hotel exclusively for women.

1906 A tornado in Mississippi killed 33 and did $5 million in damage. 

1907 In Hamburg, Germany, dock workers went on strike after the end of
the night shift. British strike breakers were brought in. The issue
was settled on April 22, 1907. 

1908 In New York, the Committee of the Russian Republican
Administration was founded. 

1908 In Paris, Gabriel Lippmann introduced three-dimensional color
photography at the Academy of Sciences. 

1917 The Russian Revolution began with Czar Nicholas II abdicating. 

1917 Citizens of Puerto Rico were granted U.S. citizenship with the
enactment of the Jones Act. 

1925 State and federal highway officials developed a nationwide route-
numbering system and adopted the familiar U.S. shield-shaped, numbered

1929 The U.S. Court of Customs & Patent Appeals was created by the
U.S. Congress. 

1933 The motion picture King Kong had its world premiere in New York. 

1939 The Massachusetts legislature voted to ratify the Bill of Rights
to the U.S. Constitution. These first ten amendments had gone into
effect 147 years before. 

1946 Ho Chi Minh was elected President of Vietnam. 

1949 The B-50 Superfortress Lucky Lady II landed in Fort Worth, TX.
The American plane had completed the first non-stop around-the-world

1962 Wilt 'The Stilt' Chamberlain scored 100 points against the New
York Knicks 169-147. Chamberlain broke several NBA records in the

1969 In Toulouse, France, the supersonic transport Concorde made its
first test flight. 

1983 The U.S.S.R. performed an underground nuclear test. 

1984 The first McDonald's franchise was closed. A new location was
opened across the street from the old location in Des Plaines, IL. 

1985 The U.S. government approved a screening test for AIDS that
detected antibodies to the virus that allowed possibly contaminated
blood to be kept out of the blood supply. 

1986 Corazon Aquino was sworn into office as president of the
Philippines. Her first public declaration was to restore the civil
rights of the citizens of her country. 

1987 The U.S. government reported that the median price for a new home
had gone over $100,000 for the first time. 

1989 Representatives from the 12 European Community nations all agreed
to ban all production of CFCs (chlorofluorocarbons) by the end of the
20th century. 

1995 Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev was killed
by a gunman in Moscow. 

1995 Nick Leeson was arrested for his role in the collapse of
Britain's Barings Bank. 

1998 The U.N. Security Council endorsed U.N. chief Kofi Annan's deal
to open Iraq's presidential palaces to arms inspectors. 

1998 Images from the American spacecraft Galileo indicated that the
Jupiter moon Europa has a liquid ocean and a source of interior heat. 

2000 In Great Britain, Chile's former President Augusto Pinochet
Ugarte was freed from house arrest and allowed to return to Chile.
Britain's Home Secretary Jack Straw had concluded that Pinochet was
mentally and physically unable to stand trial. Belgium, France, Spain
and Switzerland had sought the former Chilean leader on human-rights

2003 Over the Sea of Japan, there was a confrontation between four
armed North Korean fighter jets and a U.S. RC-135S Cobra Ball. No
shots were fired in the encounter in international airspace about 150
miles off North Korea's coast. The U.S. Air Force announced that it
would resume reconnaissance flights on March 12. 

2004 NASA announced that the Mars rover Opportunity had discovered
evidence that water had existed on Mars in the past. 

2011 Steve Jobs unveiled Apple's iPad 2.

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 4 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 531 )
Pictures for desktop themes 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, March 1

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man arrested for raping, sexually assaulting 
7 women while posing as rideshare driver in LA
Today, March 1 in
1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the 
Salem witch trials began. Four women were the first to be charged. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. --- Dave Barry (1947 - ) The only thing I like about rich people is their money. --- Nancy Astor ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Paul for the minutes of a previous Democratic National Convention 7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning. 7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N. 7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. 8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging. 8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding -- Barney Frank Presiding. 8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan - Susan Sarandon. 9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender--Jacques Chirac 9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund 9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay. Sean Penn 9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton 9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presents Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Michael Moore 9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 10:00 P.M. How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers-- Howard Dean 10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahnadinejad 11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents Internet 11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War Criminals--John Kerry 11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton 12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home ______________________________________________________ A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase "Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life..." "What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked. "Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I'm not sure I'd like Shirley and Marcy following me around all the time. they are gossips!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ View from my office. Snow drifting off the mountains. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ "Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?" "Yes but I need to ask for something different" "Go ahead ask me" "You know last year you suggested Hawaii, and when I returned my wife was pregnant" "Yes but ..." "And the year before you suggested Bermuda, and when I returned my wife was pregnant" "Yes but.." "And the year before that when I went to Bali and when I returned my wife was pregnant" "Yes" "Well! Could you suggest something cheaper this year, so that I can bring her with me?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicolas Morales, 44, Santa Clarita, California Man arrested for raping, sexually assaulting 7 women while posing as rideshare driver in LA A Santa Clarita man was charged Tuesday with dozens of counts of rape, sexual assault and attempted kidnapping after officials said he posed as a ride-hailing driver for more than a year, picking up women in his car before attacking them — sometimes with a knife — in seven different incidents across L.A. County. Nicolas Morales, 44, was arrested Friday by Alhambra police. He appeared at the Alhambra branch of L.A. County Superior Court on Tuesday afternoon clad in a blue jumpsuit and glasses. After the private attorney his wife hired for his defense told the judge the firm was declining to represent him, Morales was appointed a public defender and placed back in custody under $10.3 million bail. He faces up to 300 years in state prison if convicted as charged, said district attorney’s office spokeswoman Sarah Ardalani in a written statement. The first attack prosecutors accused Morales of committing occurred in 2016, either late on Oct. 9 or early Oct. 10. They continued every few months until this year — the last attack Morales was charged for happened on New Year’s Eve. Sgt. Steven Carr, a spokesman for the Alhambra Police Department, said police arrested Morales in connection to that final attack on Dec. 30, 2017. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda Re: Desktop Themes Dear Webby, First let me say thanks for all the tips, jokes and of course those outrageously cool pics you send daily. Is there a site out there anywhere that you can download free desktop themes without installing a ton of garbage? I'm especially interested in movie and holiday themes. Thanks in advance for your help. Keep it coming! Rhonda Dear Rhonda ANY, absolutely ANY jpg or gif or bmp picture will work. Yes, even animated pictures! For example, look at: That isn`t a picture I would use myself, but it shows that even a busy animated gif will work. Personally, I just use a plain blue background to contrast nicely behind my big mess of icons. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A feisty 70 year old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor. "Labor charges!" she exclaimed. "It took you five minutes." The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call. "Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor," the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 54 minutes in her yard bagging leaves. And one minute making sure that traveling charges were itemized separately, and that she would never ever get a house call again.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate. "Hey, Willis," he called out, "forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I'll help you overturn the wagon." "That's very nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Dad would like me to." "Aw, come on, son!" the farmer insisted. "Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, "but Dad won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad's going to be real upset." "Don't be silly!" said the neighbor. "By the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon," replied Willis. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Refurbishing Plastic Spatulas Over time, the edges of plastic spatulas get dull and rough. Sharpen the rough edge by sanding them with an emery board or scraping them with the edge of a sharp knife. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry...we still have one engine left." Tricia turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Artist Recreates People from Grandparents Village as Life-Size Cardboard Sculptures
From Bill: My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car. "I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. "What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out, with a jet fighter?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, March 1 in
1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his way to

1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 Huguenots. The
event started the First French War of Religion. 

1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the Salem
witch trials began. Four women were the first to be charged. 

1781 In America, the Continental Congress adopted the Articles of

1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first cooking school. 

1790 The U.S. Congress authorized the first U.S. census. 

1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman, Lars
August Mannerheim. 

1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of the Mameluke

1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. He had been
forced to abdicate in April of 1814. 

1845 U.S. President Tyler signed the congressional resolution to annex
the Republic of Texas. 

1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy. 

1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of Yellowstone National
Park. It was the world's first national park. 

1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing the
first practical typewriter. 

1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the forces of
Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. The Italians were defeated. 

1900 In South Africa, Ladysmith was relieved by British troops after
being under siege by the Boers for more than four months. 

1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews left due to

1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages. 

1907 In New York, the Salvation Army opened an anti-suicide bureau. 

1911 Industrialist Henry Frick acquired Velasquez's "Portrait of King
Philip IV." 

1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump from a moving

1924 Disney released the first Alice Comedy entitled "Alice's Day at

1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank. 

1932 The 22-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh was kidnapped.
The child was found dead in May. 

1937 U.S. Steel raised workers’ wages to $5 a day. 

1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile license plates
were issued. 

1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station W47NV began

1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the Tripartite Pact. 

1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations. 

1947 Chinese Premier T.V. Soong resigned. 

1949 Joe Louis announced that he was retiring from boxing as world
heavyweight boxing champion. 

1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic secrets to the
Soviet Union. 

1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a hydrogen bomb
test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. 

1954 Five U.S. congressmen were wounded when four Puerto Rican
nationalists opened fire from the gallery of the U.S. House of

1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile. 

1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President Kennedy. 

1962 Pakistan announced that it had a new constitution that set up a
presidential system of government. 

1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. It was
the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the surface of another

1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese technicians to
leave the country. 

1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of the U.S.
Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group protesting the Vietnam
War claimed responsibility. 

1974 Seven people were indicted in connection with the Watergate
break-in. The charge was conspiring to obstruct justice. 

1983 The New Jersey Transit strike began. It ended on April 2. 

1984 The U.S.S.R. performed a nuclear test at Eastern Kazakhstan,
Semipalatinsk, U.S.S.R. 

1987 The Boston Celtics defeated Detroit 112-102 to post their 2,235th
NBA win. 

1987 S&H Green Stamps became S&H Green Seals. The stamps were
introduced 90 years earlier. 

1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic riots
between Armenians and Azerbaijanis. 

1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council imposed a
curfew on minors. 

1990 In Cairo, 16 people were killed in a fire at the Sheraton Hotel. 

1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a majority of the
Moslem and Croatian communities voted in favor of Bosnia's

1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political reforms that
ceded some powers after 10 years of disciplined rule. 

1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from Yugoslavia. 

1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of food stamp
recipients had reached a record number of 26.6 million. 

1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort to placate
Palestinians over the Hebron massacre. 

1995 The European Parliament rejected legislation that would have
allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life forms. 

1995 Yahoo! was incorporated. 

1996 In Kuala, Lumpur, construction was completed for the Petronas

1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four other bombs
went off in the capital. 

1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by Hutu rebels. 

1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to
circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They succeeded
on March 20, 1999. 

2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied forces
were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters. 

2003 In New York, a $250,000 Salvador Dali sketch was stolen from a
display case in the lobby at Rikers Island jail. On June 17, 2003, it
was announced that four corrections officers had surrendered and pled
innocent in connection to the theft. The mixed-media composition was a
sketch of the crucifixion. 

2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22 different
organizations around the government became part of the Department of
Homeland Security. This completed the largest government
reorganization since the beginning of the Cold War. 

2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani agents
near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind behind the terrorist
attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 6 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 571 )
Proper online account 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, February 28

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Cop injured during traffic stop after 
hanging out of car for a mile
Today, February 28 in
1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn arrived in
San Francisco for the first time. The SS California had left New York
Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4 months and 21 days. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "Nah. My Father can't stand her!" ______________________________________________________ From Cookie It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop! However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or scotch, bourbon, vodka, gin, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering, and fermenting. It is better to drink wine and talk shit ... than to drink water and be full of shit. There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I am doing it as a public service. Our politicians have survived on this policy for decades now, hell, maybe forever? Cookie _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Spot-bellied Eagle Owl _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in SICK yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Taj Dickerson, Groton, Connecticut Cop injured during traffic stop after hanging out of car for a mile Police confirm one of their own was injured during a traffic stop overnight after a suspect took off with the officer halfway inside the car. The Deputy Chief of Groton police says that just before 4 a.m., Officer Tyler DeAngelo pulled over a car driven by Taj Dickerson. Officer DeAngelo smelled marijuana, and Dickerson admitted to having some on him. A back--up unit arrived, and Dickerson went along with the officer's request to step out of his car. Dickerson informed officers that he had a pit bull inside the car, and officers told him to take the dog out. A further search found crack cocaine, and officers made to arrest Dickerson. While they were putting the dog inside the cruiser, Dickerson ran back to his car. Officer DeAngelo chased after Dickerson, and a fight erupted inside the car. While Officer DeAngelo continued to struggle with Dickerson, Dickerson was able to put the car into drive and sped awa with DeAngelo partially hanging out. The car continued west on Fort Hill Road, and onto Poquonnock Road. DeAngelo tried getting Dickerson to stop as the car reached 50 mph. Officer DeAngleo remained halfway out of the car for around 1 mile. When it seemed that Dickerson was steering the car at a telephone pole, Office DeAngelo grabbed the steering wheel and steered them away. DeAngelo then let go of the car, and fell onto Poquonnock Road, sustaining some non-life threatening injuries. Other officers stopped and helped him while some others chased Dickerson onto I-95 south. Dickerson continued into New London, and with the help of the New London Police Department, was able to be stopped. Dickerson was finally taken into custody without any other issues. It was not reported whether Dickerson managed to toss dope or guns during the escape. He was held on a $500,000 bond, and taken to Superior Court for arraignment. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Possibly fake online account Dear Webby, "log into your online account" might be misunderstood by some not aware readers. These emails often have "links" to their account -- fake links. better to delete the email, then go to your normal browser/website. Lee Dear Lee Right. never go to your online account from a link. Always go from your own bookmark or typing the URL. Usually, once you start typing the name of your bank, the autocomplete will type the rest of it anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
An American couple was driving in Canada and got lost. Finally, they drove into a city. They saw a gentleman on the sidewalk, so the husband pulled the car up to the curb. His wife rolled down her window and asked, "Excuse me, sir, we're lost. Can you please tell us where we are?" The gentleman on the street replied, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan." The lady rolled up the window, turned to her husband and said, "We really are lost. They don't even speak English here."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual??" "Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual ...because he hated the book!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Softening Granulated Sugar By Maggie R. Microwave it for 1 minute. That should work. If not, place a piece of bread in the packaging & it'll take a day or so, but it'll loosen it right up. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Bob for this story: My wife and I were watching some TV show the other nite where the wife hired a private detective to follow her husband to see if he were in fact "cheating" on her. I asked my wife if she would ever do that. She said, "Well not so much to find out who the other woman was, but to see if I could find out what she saw in ya."
Street artist adds color to mundane objects around town.
"So," the woman asked the detective she had hired,"did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed the womans face, "Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, boasting. "Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear that he was following you, .... and taking pictures for his web site!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 28, in
1827 The Baltimore & Ohio Railroad became the first railroad
incorporated for commercial transportation of people and freight.

1844 Several people were killed aboard the USS Princeton when a 12-
inch gun exploded. 

1849 Regular steamboat service to California via Cape Horn arrived in
San Francisco for the first time. The SS California had left New York
Harbor on October 6, 1848. The trip took 4 months and 21 days. 

1885 AT&T (American Telephone and Telegraph) was incorporated. The
company was capitalized on only $100,000 and provided long distance
service for American Bell. 

1893 Edward G. Acheson showed his patent for Carborundum. 

1900 In South Africa, British troops relieved Ladysmith, which had
been under siege since November 2, 1899. 

1940 The first televised basketball game was shown. The game featured
Fordham University and the University of Pittsburgh from Madison
Square Gardens in New York. 

1951 A Senate committee issued a report that stated that there were at
least two major crime syndicates in the U.S. 

1953 In a Cambridge University laboratory, scientists James D. Watson
and Francis H.C. Crick discovered the double-helix structure of DNA. 

1954 In San Francisco "Birth of a Planet" was aired. It was the first
American phase-contrast cinemicrography film to be presented on

1956 A patent was issued to Forrester for a computer memory core. 

1962 The John Glenn for President club was formed by a group of Las
Vegas republicans. 

1974 The U.S. and Egypt re-established diplomatic relations after a
break of seven years. 

1979 Mr. Ed, the talking horse from the TV show "Mr. Ed", died. 

1983 "M*A*S*H" became the most watched television program in history
when the final episode aired. 

1986 Swedish Prime Minister Olof Palme was assassinated in Stockholm. 

1993 U.S. Federal agents raided the compound of an armed religious
cult in Waco, TX. The ATF had planned to arrest the leader of the
Branch Davidians, David Koresh, on federal firearms charges. Four
agents and six Davidians were killed and a 51-day standoff followed. 

1994 NATO made its first military strike when U.S. F-16 fighters shot
down four Bosnian Serb warplanes in violation of a no-fly zone over
central Bosnia. 

1995 The Denver International Airport opened after a 16-month delay. 

1998 Serbian police began a campaign to wipe out "terrorist gangs" in
the Yugoslav province of Kosovo. 

2001 The Northwest region of the U.S., including the state of
Washington, was hit by an earthquake that measured 6.9 on the Richter
Scale. There were no deaths reported. 

2002 In Ahmadabad, India, Hindus set fire to homes in a Muslim
neighborhood. At least 55 people were killed in the attack. 

2002 Sotheby's auction house announced that it had identified Peter
Paul Reubens as the creator of the painting "The Massacre of the
Innocents." The painting was previously thought to be by Jan van den

2007 NASA's New Horizons spacecraft made a gravitational slingshot
against Jupiter to change the planned trajectory towards Pluto. 

2013 Benedict XVI resigned as pope. He was the first pope to resign
since Gregory XII in 1415 and the first to resign voluntarily since
Celestine V in 1294. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 6 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 1657 )
Is it scam or spam? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, February 27

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Rich widow pleads for drunk-drive ban to be 
lifted because her driveway is ‘too long’
Today, February 27 in
1861 In Warsaw, Russian troops fired on a crowd protesting Russian
rule over Poland. Five protesting marchers were killed in the
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. --- Jules Renard It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up, because by that time I was too famous. --- Robert Benchley ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine." ______________________________________________________ I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day the dog arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with 10 children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Wish it was that easy for me!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Mauritius _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Two guys are walking down the street and one is telling the other how he hates Slobovians, but when they turn the corner there is a Slobovian organ grinder with a little monkey holding a tin cup. The guy who hates Slobovians puts some coins in the monkey's cup. When they walk away his friend says, "I thought you hated Slobovians yet you gave him money?" He answers, "Yes, but they are so cute when they are little." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Barbara Woodward, 56, Chelford, Cheshire, England Rich widow pleads for drunk-drive ban to be lifted as her driveway is ‘too long’ Whining Barbara Woodward also asked to be spared doing unpaid work claiming it would 'put her in an alien surrounding', since she has never worked in her life. There was laughter in court when Barbara Woodward’s lawyer insisted she would struggle to walk just a quarter of a mile from her mansion to the main road. Woodward also asked to be spared doing unpaid work claiming it would “put her in an alien surrounding’’ as she never worked in her life and warned it would “make her feel uncomfortable and out of her depth.’’ JPs found her guilty of drunk-driving and banned her for two years but spared her the customarily assessed unpaid community work, since it would be undue hardship for others to have to put up with her whining. Her huge mansion appears to have annexes for servants, gardeners, drivers, etc. Having a servant drive her to tennis and shopping does not appear to be a problem. Woodward, of Chelford, Cheshire, was three times over the limit in her £79,000 ($110,858.68 USD)Mercedes G-class 4x4 two days after her lawyer husband’s funeral. Staff at a petrol station called police after she slurred her words and stumbled when buying sparkling wine at 9am. Woodward, who had denied drink-driving, was also ordered to complete a 12-month community order, fined £560 ($785.87 USD) and must pay £705 ($989.32 USD) in costs and surcharges. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sue Re: Is it spam or scam? Dear Webby, I have rcvd e-mail from a credit card company----may or may not be valid----would like to forward to you for your opinion....i would prefer to forward WITH PERMISSION. Am not concerned so much with critters imbedded or or more concerned 1)that it is bogus and 2)someone ELSE might fall into the trap----you have a tremendous following and could potentially help a buncha dolts and not just me........and no-----I am not just pandering to your ego----you are highly rated for a good reason. Thanks in advance Sue Dear Sue When in doubt, trash it. There is always more spam and scam coming. If you forward it to me, most likely my MailWasher will recognize it as a scam and trash it, unseen. With anything credit card related: If it tells you to stop by your local bank, or log into your online account, then it's legit. If it asks for ANY input whatsoever, then it's a bunch of Pelosi. Feel free to enter the name and info of your favorite politician, but never anything related to you, especially not bank account or PIN numbers. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train that leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots a guy carrying two suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time. The guy replies "Sure, which country?" The fella asks, "How many countries have you got?" to which the man replies, "All the countries in the world!" "Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've got there." "That's nothing," the man says. "This watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!" "Boy, that's incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one. You wouldn't consider selling it by any chance?" "Well, actually the novelty has worn off for me, so for $900, if you want it, it's yours." The watchless traveler can hardly whip out his checkbook fast enough to hand over a check for $900. The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him. "Congratulations, here is you new hi-tech watch." Then, handing the two suitcases over as well, he says, "And here are the batteries."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Taxiing down the tarmac, the Delta jet abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained. "Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger. "Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to find a deaf pilot." ---------------------- I had a ticket to fly to Nashville, Tennessee on Sept 12, 2001 Well, because of some Mooselims using jets to murder over 3000 people, nobody was allowed to fly anywhere on Sept 12. On Sept 13, Canada opened up the airports again and I got booked on a similar flight. I got onto the plane, a different seat than expected, but I got on. And sat for about 2 hours waiting for the take-off. They make you keep the seats upright, in the most uncomfortable position, while waiting on the tarmack. The pilot had gotten cold feet and had chickened out. They had to find a different pilot, who was not such a coward. Naturally, by the time I got to Toronto, the plane to Tennessee had left. I asked Karma to retaliate and hoped the air line fired the chicken! I had to overnight in Toronto and send the Humor Letter out the hard way. The next morning I found out that my Carry-On, with the laptop inside, was not allowed on board. Then I almost had a heart attack watching some big bozo slam my carry-on UPSIDE DOWN onto the hard roller at the bottom of the conveyor up to the cargo hatch of the plane, and even turn and grin. He was proud of himself! I was standing at the entrance of the plane and I guess I must have shrieked or cussed. Thhe stewardess standing there slowing down the line into the plane, explained to me that putting the luggage on upside down was the rule, so that it would not roll off the conveyor belt. That was no excuse though for slamming it onto the hard bottom roller, and I did not enjoy the flight at all. Everybody else on the plane was worried about Mooselims trying to take over the jet. I was fretting about my laptop and was more than ready to inflict very gross violence on anybody trying to annoy me just one hair more. They let me off the plane first because I bulldozed past the people, who were getting their stuff from the overhead bins. My carry-on came onto the carousel shortly after I got there. I opened it up right there, opened the laptop and hit the button. It came up just fine. Phew!!! Thank you Lord! So I zipped up the carry-on and strode out of the totally empty airport. No other planes had arrived yet or were scheduled to leave, and nobody from the jet I arrived in, had walked as fast as I did. The empty and totally silent airport echoed and amplified my steps like it was a horror movie. Spooky! Once I was out, had gotten my pre-ordered rental car, and was on the freeway South I finally relaxed. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Plastic Cutting Boards for Meat When cutting meat, use a plastic cutting board instead of a wood one. It is much easier to clean bacteria from a plastic cutting board than it is from wood, which will also need to be reseasoned after cleaning. After using a cutting board for meat, wash it well (or wash it in the dishwasher) before using it again to avoid transfering bacteria to other food items. Tip provided by When your plastic cutting board gets too marked up from sharp knifes, you can scrape it with a long straight butcher knife or a wide putty knife or spatula that has been square trimmed for scraping. To square trim a putty knife, clamp a file into a vise or a partially opend drawer, and rub the putty knife at a right angle to the file against the serrations. Instead of a thin knife type edge, you will get a flat edge with very sharp corners. A square trimmed putty knife also works very well for scraping glue or paint off a desk or for preparing furniture for painting. You can trim a fuzzy cutting board to smooth as new very quickly with a square trimmed putty knife. Hold it at nearly right angle to the board and PULL it towards you. Never push it, just scrape towards you. If there are deep cuts, rotate the board after a few scrapes so that you are scraping in a different direction. That helps to avoid low spots. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."
Artful stone work.
Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one. "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas, " he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' by my climbing spurs upside down from a telephone pole in a thunderstorm." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 27, in
1700 The Pacific Island of New Britain was discovered. 

1801 The city of Washington, DC, was placed under congressional

1827 New Orleans held its first Mardi Gras celebration. 

1861 In Warsaw, Russian troops fired on a crowd protesting Russian
rule over Poland. Five protesting marchers were killed in the

1867 Dr. William G. Bonwill invented the dental mallet. 

1883 Oscar Hammerstein patented the first cigar-rolling machine. 

1896 The "Charlotte Observer" published a picture of an X-ray
photograph made by Dr. H.L. Smith. The photograph showed a perfect
picture of all the bones of a hand and a bullet that Smith had placed
between the third and fourth fingers in the palm. 

1900 In South Africa, the British received an unconditional surrender
from Boer Gen. Piet Cronje at Paardeberg. 

1922 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the 19th Amendment that guaranteed
women the right to vote. 

1933 The Reichstag, Germany's parliament building in Berlin, was set
afire. The Nazis accused Communists for the fire. 

1939 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed sit-down strikes. 

1949 Chaim Weizmann became the first Israeli president. 

1951 The 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified,
limiting U.S. Presidents to two terms. 

1972 The Shanghai Communique was issued by U.S. President Nixon and
Chinese Premier Chou En-lai. 

1973 The American Indian Movement occupied Wouned Knee in South

1974 "People" magazine was first issued by Time-Life (later known as

1981 Chrysler Corporation was granted an additional $400 million in
federal loan guarantees. Chrysler had posted a loss of $1.7 billion in

1982 Wayne B. Williams was convicted of murdering two of the 28 black
children and young adults whose bodies were found in Atlanta, GA, over
a two-year period. 

1986 The U.S. Senate approved the telecast of its debates on a trial

1990 The Exxon Corporation and Exxon Shipping were indicted on five
criminal counts in reference to the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush announced live on television that
"Kuwait is liberated." 

1997 In Ireland, divorce became legal. 

1998 Britain's House of Lords agreed to give a monarch's first-born
daughter the same claim to the throne as any first-born son. This was
the end to 1,000 years of male preference. 

1999 Colin Prescot and Andy Elson set a new hot air balloon endurance
record when they had been aloft for 233 hours and 55 minutes. The two
were in the process of trying to circumnavigate the Earth. 

1999 Nigeria returned to civilian rule when Gen. Olusegun Obasanjo
became the country's first elected president since August of 1983. 

2002 In Boston, twenty people working at Logan International Airport
were charged with lying to get their jobs or security badges. 

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 7 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 1137 )
How to weed out 15 GB of Gmail 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, February 26

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Georgia woman torches ex-husband's home 
and 19 others.Bonehead
Today, February 26 in
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. 
He then began his second conquest of France. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Setting a good example for children takes all the fun out of middle age. --- William Feather You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time. --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) Broom Hilda tried anyway. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I couldn’t help but overhear two guys in their mid-twenties while sitting at a bar. One of the guys says, "Man you look tired." His buddy says, "Dude I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time. I just don't know what to do." A fellow about my age, sitting a couple of stools down had also over- heard the conversation. He looked over at the two young men and with the wisdom of years says, "Marry her. That'll put a stop to that!" ______________________________________________________ Here is one I remember reading when I started learning English around 1960. The Master of the house is comfortably installed in an armchair in the library, reading a newspaper. Suddenly, James, his butler, rips the door open and shouts, "Sir, the Thames is flooding the streets!" The Master looks up calmly from the newspaper and says, "James, please. I have already told you. If you do have something important to tell me, first knock on the door, then enter and inform me of the issue, in a quiet and civilized manner. Now please, do so." James apologizes and closes the door behind him. Three seconds later, the Master hears a knock on the door. "Yes?" James partially enters the room, and with a wide gesture, makes an invitation as for somebody on the outside to enter, then says, "Sir, the Thames." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Looking For Al Gore _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ When the type on a man's printer begins to grow faint, he calls a local repair shop where a friendly man informs him that the printer probably only needs to be cleaned. "We charge $50 to clean a printer," he says, "so you might be better off reading the manual and doing the job yourself." Surprised by the clerk's candor, the man asks, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually, it's my boss's idea," the clerk replies sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Adrienne Satterly, 41, Hiram, Georgia Georgia woman torches ex-husband's home and 19 others. Adrienne Satterly, 41, allegedly piled matresses on the floor of his home in Atlanta, Ga, before setting them alight. But the blaze, which she set while it was dark in the early hours of Sunday, spread to neighboring homes, forcing residents to flee. Satterly then walked to a Walmart an hour away and called 911 around 3.25am to come pick her up. She did not mention the fire. In 911 audio obtained on Tuesday by The Constitution, Satterly never mentioned a fire. She told a dispatcher she had a 'kitty cat and a suitcase' and asked if someone could pick her up from Walmart. 'Where do you need them to go?' the dispatcher asked. 'To Greystone,' Satterly said. 'By the hospital.' She gave her address to the Rosemont Court home but told the dispatcher that she had been ordered to leave the residence due to a court case. Documents revealed police had been called to the home nearly two dozen times in the past year for calls including domestic disputes, thefts and disagreements with tenants who were renting a room. The report had no details about why court had ordered her to leave her ex-husband's home, but it seems her alcohol problems and refusal to contribute to the rent were some of the issues. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Erin Re: Weed out Gmail Dear Webby, In 2005 you told me that Gmail had near unlimited storage. Well, I forgot that "near" is not the same as absolulte, and I got a warning, that I was getting close to my limit. I am, for a change, not blaming you. Dumping SPAM and TRASH gave me enough space to stop panicking. Now, how do I get rid of the oldest mails? I never look up anything over a year old anyway. Thanks Erin Dear Erin Go into the settings in the sprocket icon, and change the mails per page to 100. Then click the < > on top to show Oldest On Top Set up convenient HotKeys for Select all (on the page) and Delete ALL (selected) I use ~ and ! for those. While in the INBOX, with Oldest on top, I hit ~! and the 100 oldest are gone. Great finger exercise while you are waiting for something to load. If you want to get really rambunctious, and automate it, make a filter. Step 1 Log in to your Gmail account. Click the gear icon near the top-right corner of the window, then click "Settings" from the drop-down menu that appears. Step 2 Click the "Filters" section tab, then click "Create a new filter." Step 3 Type the following in the the "Has the words" text box: older_than:x For "x" you should type the time frame you prefer for deleting old messages. You can use "d" for days, "w" for weeks, "m" for months and "y" for years. For example, if you wanted to delete messages older than one month, you would type "older_than:1m" without the quotation marks. For deleting messages older than 9 months, type "older_than:9m". Step 4 Click "Create filter with this search." Step 5 Check the box beside the option labeled "Delete it" and the box beside "Also apply filter to." The latter option will also list the total number of conversations that fit your criteria. That might take a while. Step 6 Click "Create filter." All your emails older than the date you specified will be deleted. Future Deletion Step 1 Click the gear icon in Gmail; then click "Settings." Step 2 Click the "Filters" tab. Step 3 Click the "Edit" option beside the filter you created for deleting old messages. You can easily find the correct filter because it will display the criteria you specified. Step 4 Click "Continue" in the section that appears with your search criteria. This screen looks like the section that appeared when you originally set up the filter. Step 5 Check the box beside the option "Also apply filter to." Step 6 Click "Update filter." This will again delete all your messages earlier than the time frame you specified. When Gmail deletes your messages, they are sent to the "Trash" section, which is listed in the left-hand navigation section. They will remain in Trash for 30 days until they are permanently deleted. You delete all items in the trash if you prefer by click the "Trash" section and then clicking "Empty Trash now." UNTIL you dump the Gmail TRASH, all that stuff still counts against your allotment. Dumping the trash should be the last and final part of the cleanup. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight." His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!" The husband said, "Yes, same as usual. I know all that." "Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?" asked the wife. The guy answered, "Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Walter the stonecarver from for this report: The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even" A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Protecting Plants From Slugs Cut old metal window screens into 1x1 squares. Then cut a hole in the center of the square and put it on the ground around the plant. Slugs don't like to slither across window screens. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ GROAN ALERT! One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful. "I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey." "That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws." "I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you." Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest and settled the debate by eating them all. . . . hawk, lion, and stinker.
First Known Video Footage of Rare Snow White Giraffe Captured in Kenya
Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in their community. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 26, in
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte escaped from the Island of Elba. He then began
his second conquest of France. 

1848 The second French Republic was proclaimed. 

1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the National Currency Act. 

1870 In New York City, the first pneumatic-powered subway line was
opened to the public. (Beach Pneumatic Transit) 

1881 S.S. Ceylon began his world-wide cruise, beginning in Liverpool,

1907 The U.S. Congress raised their own pay to $7500. 

1916 Mutual signed Charlie Chaplin to a film contract. 

1919 In Arizona, the Grand Canyon was established as a National Park
with an act of the U.S. Congress. 

1929 U.S. President Coolidge signed a bill creating the Grand Teton
National Park. 

1930 New York City installed traffic lights. 

1933 A ground-breaking ceremony was held at Crissy Field for the
Golden Gate Bridge. 

1945 In the U.S., a nationwide midnight curfew went into effect. 

1952 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill announced that Britain
had developed an atomic bomb. 

1979 "Flatbush" debuted on CBS-TV. 

1986 Corazon Aquino was inaugurated president of the Philippines. Long
time President Ferdinand Marcos went into exile. 

1987 The Tower Commission rebuked U.S. President Reagan for failing to
control his national security staff in the wake of the Iran-Contra

1987 The U.S.S.R. conducted its first nuclear weapons test after a 19-
month moratorium period. 

1991 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein announced on Baghdad Radio that
Iraqi troops were being withdrawn from Kuwait. 

1993 Six people were killed and more than a thousand injured when a
van exploded in the parking garage beneath the World Trade Center in
New York City. The bomb had been built by Islamic extremists. 

1995 Barings PLC collapsed after a securities dealer lost more than
$1.4 billion by gambling on Tokyo stock prices. The company was
Britain's oldest investment banking firm. 

1998 A Texas jury rejected an $11 million lawsuit by Texas cattlemen
who blamed Oprah Winfrey for price drop after on-air comment about
mad-cow disease. 

1998 In Oregon, a health panel ruled that taxpayers must help to pay
for doctor-assisted suicides. 

2001 A U.N. tribunal convicted Bosnian Croat political leader Dario
Kordic and military commander Mario Cerkez of war crimes. They had
ordered the systematic murder and persecution of Muslim civilians
during the Bosnian war. 

2002 In Rome, Italy, a bomb exploded near the Interior Ministry. No
injuries were reported. 

2009 Former Serbian president Milan Milutinovic was acquitted by the
International Criminal Tribunal for the former Yugoslavia regarding
war crimes during the Kosovo War. 

2009 The Pentagon reveresed its 18-year policy of not allowing media
to cover returning war dead. The reversal allowsd some media coverage
with family approval.

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 2 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 555 )
What is a Mail Washer? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, February 25

Callisburg Independent School District in Texas has a serious message
for any potential shooters, and it appears to be working.

The idea of armed educators is nothing new. CNN reported that about
four years ago, the “guardian” program was implemented. The program
allowed a small force of volunteer school staff to carry concealed
firearms on school grounds.

The educators complete active shooter scenario training once a year
and also practice at gun ranges.

Callisburg High School is not alone. KSAT reported that the Texas
Association of School Boards said it was aware of 172 districts that
allow staff to carry firearms.

While the debate about whether educators should be armed rages on,
these schools have already taken the necessary steps to protect
children years ago. Just the signs are new.

Other schools across the nation also have armed educators.

Good for them!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man ‘holding a large stick’ robs NC bank, 
is arrested 5 minutes later
Today, February 25 in
1836 Samuel Colt received U.S. Patent No. 138 (later 9430X) for a
"revolving-cylinder pistol." It was his first patent. 
See More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off. --- Ellen DeGeneres Household tasks are easier and quicker when they are done by somebody else. --- James Thorpe (1888 - 1953) Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) There are more fools in the world than there are people. --- Heinrich Heine ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Passover and paying their own airfares." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Two Swedes from Wisconsin are sittin' in a boat on Dead Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a sudden Sven says, "I tink I'm going to divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six mont." Ole sips his beer and says, "You better tink it over. Women like tat are hard to find." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Grand Canyon _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy." Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?" He replied, "They're all nocturnal." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kendrick Hart, Reidsville, North Carolina Man ‘holding a large stick’ robs NC bank, is arrested 5 minutes later A man was arrested in Reidsville after allegedly robbing a bank Tuesday afternoon, according to a news release from Reidsville police. Kendrick Hart, 29, of Reidsville, is charged with armed robbery. The robbery happened at the American Partners Federal Credit Union, located at 618 N. Scales St., around 4 p.m. “The suspect walked into the bank holding a large stick, yelled, ‘This is a robbery,’ then jumped over the counter and proceeded to steal an unknown amount of money,” Reidsville police said in the release. About five minutes after the robbery, Hart was stopped in the parking lot of Rob and Ray’s Grocery by a sheriff’s deputy, the release said. Hart was taken into custody after surveillance footage from the credit union connected him to the robbery. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kathy Re: mail washer Dear Webby, What is mail washer? One of the comments made inthis column refered to it. Signed - The ignorantly uninformed.... aka Kathy Dear Kathy If you look at the right side menu, you see a button for MailWasher. It is the best and most effective spam control. That is why I give it space there, and have for about 20 years. It is a program to eliminate spam. As you saw in the tech support pits column, it's tough enough to work even for big corporations that get tons of mail. If you get enough spam, so that it is a nuisance, get the free trial and try it out! MailWasher washes your mail on the server, and does not waste your time and your allotment with downloading crap. It works great as is, but the real power is in the easy to make filters. It gets to be a real game outsmarting the spammers. Have FUN! DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The family had finally gotten their first dishwasher. The father liked to inspect every new thing that cam into the house, so he stayed in the kitchen and watched the display count down all forty-four minutes of the dishwashing cycle. Suddenly he called out for his wife, shouting, "It's useless, the dishwasher is useless!" The wife was amazed that the newest appliance could be broken after only one use, but he insisted that because they had a water softener, the dishwasher was useless. She decided to look for herself, and there it was, on the inside door, next to the detergent dispenser: USE LESS WITH SOFT WATER
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "It certainly wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the best towels we had... the fluffy ones we got from the Hilton Hotel while we were on vacation." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Salt Stains on Leather If you get salt stains on your leather shoes or boots in the wintertime, mix one tablespoon of white vinegar in one cup of water. Dip a clean soft rag in the liquid, the wipe the salt stains. Allow to dry and your shoes should be good as new! By Becki in Indiana Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ An explorer was leading an entourage through the Amazon jungle when they heard the sounds of drums. At the next village, the leader stopped a native and asked him to explain their meaning. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said before running off. The drum beating continued to pulsate. The safari leader asked another native about it. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said. A few minutes later the drums did stop, and all the expedition members became panicked. The leader grabbed another villager and demanded to know the situation. "Bad, real bad that drums stop," he blurted. "Now comes violin solo!"
The self made millionaire teenage ad girl who wrote the book on jazz age etiquette.
Grampa was telling his youngest grandson about his terrifying experience with cannibals. "There I was, lost in the middle of the jungle, surrounded by twenty hungry cannibals." His grandson said, "But last time you told me, there were only ten hungry cannibals." And Grampa said, "Ah, but you were too young then, to know the whole horrible truth!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

Today, February 25, in
1570 England's Queen Elizabeth I was excommunicated by Pope Pius V. 

1751 Edward Willet displayed the first trained monkey act in the U.S. 

1836 Samuel Colt received U.S. Patent No. 138 (later 9430X) for a
"revolving-cylinder pistol." It was his first patent. 

1837 Thomas Davenport patented the first commercial electrical motor.
There was no practical electical distribution system available and
Davenport went bankrupt. 

1901 The United States Steel Corp. was incorporated by J.P. Morgan. 

1913 The 16th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. It
authorized a Marxist style graduated income tax, taxing more days per
week from harder workers than from lower wage earners.

1919 The state of Oregon became the first state to place a tax on
gasoline. The tax was 1 cent per gallon. 

1928 The Federal Radio Commission issued the first U.S. television
license to Charles Jenkins Laboratories in Washington, DC. 

1930 The bank check photographing device was patented. 

1933 The aircraft carrier Ranger was launched. It was the first ship
in the U.S. Navy to be designed and built from the keel up as an
aircraft carrier. 

1940 The New York Rangers and the Montreal Canadiens played in the
first hockey game to be televised in the U.S. The game was aired on
W2WBS in New York with one camera in a fixed position. The Rangers
beat the Canadiens 6-2. 

1948 Communists seized power in Czechoslovakia. 

1956 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev criticized the late Josef Stalin
in a speech before a Communist Party congress in Moscow. 

1972 Germany gave a $5 million ransom to Arab terrorists who had
hijacked a jumbo jet. 

1986 Filippino President Ferdinand E. Marcos fled the Philippines
after 20 years of rule after a tainted election. 

1999 William King was sentenced to death for the racial murder of
James Byrd Jr in Jasper, TX. Two other men charged were later
convicted for their involvement. 

1999 In Moscow, China's Prime Minister Zhu Rongji and Russia's
President Boris Yeltsin discussed trade and other issues. 

2000 In Albany, NY, a jury acquitted four New York City police
officers of second-degree murder and lesser charges in the February
1999 shooting death of Amadou Diallo. 

2005 Dennis Rader was arrested for the BTK serial killings in Wichita,
KS. He later pleaded guilty and was sentenced to 10 life prison terms.

2018  smiled.

[ view entry ] ( 7 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 986 )

<<First <Back | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | Next> Last>>