Dear Webby: Vista not required for Earthlink DSL 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  April 30, 2007
======================================

"The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing
to do. The hard part is doing it."
--- General H. Norman Schwarzkopf

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for these winning excerpts from actual High
School writings:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two
sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog
makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike
Phil, this plan just might work.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck,
either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from
stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended
one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he
heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this:
Leave it to the Japanese to figure out this one! It takes awhile
to load..be patient.

Have you ever wondered what makes the arrow cursor move around
the screen??? Click on the link , move your cursor and click the mouse
and stop sometimes too, and see what happens....and now you know
how your cursor works!!
How your cursor works
http://www.1-click.jp/

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Doctor Raymond Adamcik, 54 of Melbourne, Florida Doc is a nuisance when drunk April 24, 2007 - Melbourne, Florida - AP A Brevard County doctor dressed up in a Captain America outfit was arrested with a burrito in his tights. What he allegedly did at the police station got him into more trouble. Doctor Raymond Adamcik, 54, would probably rather forget about the weekend when he was arrested on charges of battery, disorderly conduct, drug possession and trying to destroy evidence. It's not what you would expect from a doctor or Captain America. The Palm Bay family physician was at On Tap bar as part of a pub-crawl with other medical professionals. It was a sort of costume party on a bus that would take them around from bar to bar. Police said Adamcik had a burrito stuffed below the waistband of his costume and was asking women if they want to touch it. When one refused, he allegedly took out the burrito and groped her. The woman called police and, when they arrived, the officers wrote in their report "there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at the time, all Captain America's were asked to go outside for a possible identification." The woman pointed out Adamcik and the burrito was found in his boot. He was taken to the police station. There, while in a holding cell, police said, he asked to use the bathroom and tried to flush a joint, also hidden in his blue tights, down the toilet. An officer observed him try to flush something into the toilet. The officer was able to reach inside and grab what he tried to flush. The doctor wasn't in when Eyewitness News went by and didn't return calls. He may now have to rely on a lawyer instead of his superpowers to get him out of the jam. ===========================================
We have a date for you!
Did you go on a date this weekend? If not, then we can make sure you have a HOT and fun date next weekend with the exact person you would want to be on a date with! We would like to give you a membership to our dating site and dating community for no charge at all, and no credit card is required to get it!
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones! ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== An IRS man asks a farmer, "How much is your prize bull worth?" The farmer says, "For tax purposes, or has he been hit by a train?" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Goldy Re: DSL with Vista Hello Dear Webby, I just ordered High Speed Intenet(DSL) from our phone company and have received the new modem, etc. When I opened the package I read that it will now be Vista and from everything I have been reading in your Humor Letter I'm not so sure that I want it installed. Will you please give me some advice. Of course, I now have dial up service. Thanks for the great advice and humor. Keep up the great work. Thank you, Goldy Dear Goldy Most likely they meant that it will be Vista capable, not that you have to use Vista. However, if they don't allow Windows XP, send it back to them and tell them where to stuff it. You can always get Earthlink DSL, probably for less money and definitely much better service. With Earthlink you can always chat with a rep, and I did just that right now to confirm that they don't require Vista. Pryce, one of their friendly reps, instant response was: Pryce C: Yes you are correct. When you use EarthLink DSL service, there is no need for Windows vista. You can use ANY operating system you like. I have used Earthlink for about a dozen years, and I can highly recommend them. With Earthlink you can use your own domain based address, you don't have to advertise for your ISP in your email address, like you have to with less competent ISPs. Check out http://www.earthlink.net/highspeed/ If you do sign up with them, you can use me as a referer. My earthlink referrer address is hmorsch2@earthlink.net That is just the referrer address. With Earthlink I can use any @webby.com address as my sender address. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 24, 2007 - Eastpointe, Michigan - AP Norman O. Wheeler probably wishes he had finished that cinnamon bun. DNA evidence from the partly eaten pastry led to Wheeler's arrest in a 2004 car theft. The 40-year-old Detroit resident already was serving time for another auto theft when authorities made the DNA match. Wheeler pleaded guilty earlier this month, and he now faces sentencing May 22. Eastpointe Officer Ed Lulko was investigating the car-theft report when a witness described seeing a man arrive in one car and then break out the windows of the other car and steal it, according to police in the Detroit suburb. ''Officer Lulko found the partially eaten pastry in the car and sent it to the Michigan State Police crime laboratory with hopes that the DNA left on the roll could lead to the identity of the perpetrator,'' Detective Eric Keiser told The Macomb Daily of Mount Clemens. As a convict, Wheeler's DNA was on file, leading to the match and arrest.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Less Sweeping and Vacuuming Limit the wear and tear on your flooring and how frequently you have to vacuum by not wearing shoes in your house. It will cut down on the amount of dirt that winds up on your floor dramatically.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The workplace of the tomorrow will have two employees: a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog The dog is there to keep the man from touching the computers. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before. The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble." The second deaf man signed back, "Boy, you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me heck for being out so late." The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?" The second deaf man signed, "I turned out the light!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Petrobras http://tinyurl.com/2eash5
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: XP on Dell computers? 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  April 29, 2007
======================================

"Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful.
If it's bad, it's experience."
--- Victoria Holt

=======================================

A ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received
a visit from one of her fellow church members.

"How are you feeling?" the visitor asked.

The lady said, "Oh, I'm just worried sick!"

"What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked.
"You look like you're in good health.  They are taking
care of you, aren't they?"

"Yes, they are taking very good care of me," said the old lady.

"Are you in any pain?" her friend asked.

"No, I have never had a pain in my life."

"Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again.

The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly
explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had
has already died and gone on to heaven.
I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

*Rules for Writers*

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Don't use no double negatives.
12. Proffer carefully to see if you any words out.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 47 year old man from Lakeland, Minnesota Wet CD April 24, 2007 - Hudson, Wisconsin - CBS A Twin Cities man crashed his car into the St. Croix River Sunday night after he was changing a CD in his dashboard player. A broken fence and skid mark show where a 47-year-old man from Lakeland, Minnesota started to drive down the embankment toward the river from westbound Interstate 94. The Wisconsin State Patrol said it didn't take long for the man's car to begin filling with water. Eventually it was submerged in four feet of the St. Croix River, up to the roof line. The driver managed to free himself before water filled the Chevy Malibu. "The driver indicated to me that he was coming up the ramp, changing his CD on his radio and lost control. He did go down the embankment, he did end up in the water with his vehicle," said Sgt. Brian Erickson of the Wisconsin State Patrol. The driver swam less than 10 feet to shore and was wet, but not hurt. A tow truck and a diver had to haul the vehicle from the St. Croix River. The driver was cited for inattentive driving. The state trooper hopes the crash will remind people that distracted driving, from using cell phones to changing CDs, can cause a crash in an instant. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this picture: FINALLY, after going through a virus attack, losing a hard drive, fighting off hackers, upgrading all my software, installing fire-walls, being threatened with being cut-off by my email provider, and a host of other problems... I have fixed my computer... and NOW it works exactly the way I want it to! Martin =========================================== One day as the water of the mighty Mississippi River rose a man and his son were forced to retreat to their rooftop. While there, a neighbour passed by in a row boat and shouted, "Come with me I'll take you to higher ground." The man politely refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me." Two hours later as the water continued to rise another neighbour passed in a rubber raft, offering to take them to higher ground. Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me." Four hours passed and as the man and his son clung to the chimney, trying to avoid the rising water a Coast Guard helicopter hovered overhead and threw down a ladder, "Climb up so we can take you to higher ground!" he heard them say. Again he refused saying, "I have faith in the lord, he will save me!" Well no one else came and they met their fate. Standing before God, the man said, "Lord I believed in you, my faith was strong and unwavering and you let us drown!" Looking at him God replied, "You dumb ass! I sent a boat, a raft, and a helicopter, what more did you want from me? A cruise ship?" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening." Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that." "Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit,' 'Stop,' and 'Don't!'" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Malcolm Re: No XP Dear Webby No matter where I try, I can't seem to find XP computers any more. I thought you mentioned that Dell gave in to consumer demand and is selling XP again? What happened? Malcolm Dear Malcolm At Dell.ca you can select XP. Apparently Canada has closer ties to India than the US has. Try calling them or chat with Mujibar, their "personal product advisor" in new Dehli. Keep in mind that with XP they are not getting the Vista subsidy, and may be breaking commitments they have made to Microsoft, and they are not cheerful about that. You will have to be quite firm about telling them where to stuff Vista and how, and really insist on XP. Remember, it's YOUR money, and the goal is not making somebody in India happy, the goal is getting the computer that you need. The same applies to all the big name computer makers. If you get too frustrated, check with a local computer fixer about how much it would cost you to have new Vista machines formatted and set up with XP. Get a firm quote in writing and go for it! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 25, 2007 - Santa Cruz, California - AP A peregrine falcon hatched from an egg plucked off the San Francisco Bay Bridge is doing well in its new home, ornithologists said. Scientists from the University of California, Santa Cruz, rescued three eggs last month to protect the chicks from a deadly fall or car collision on their first flight. Another chick died shortly after hatching, while the third egg was ''nonviable,'' said Glenn Stewart, an ornithologist with the Predatory Bird Research Group at UC Santa Cruz. The parent falcons, dubbed George and Gracie, have returned to the downtown skyscraper where they have nested for the last several years and have another egg. The baby peregrine, hatched Friday, will likely be placed with foster falcon parents in another nest before being released in the wild.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Paint Cans Before storing paint, put some paint on the top and side of the can so you can easily see what color it is. If the can is almost empty, transfer it to a smaller container since paint cans take up a lot of shelf space.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion! Later, the lion confronts a deer and bellows, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified deer stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times, the lion is feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomped on the lion till it looked like a corn tortilla, then crapped on it, and ambled away. The lion hollered after the elephant, "Damn, just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so p'd off !" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== "Y'all got any American razor blades in here?" the Texan asked the London pharmacist. "All I see are these damn Wilkinsons." "Sir," the Englishman patiently replied, "Wilkinson has been producing the finest surgical instruments, weapons and razors since before Waterloo." "I don't give a damn if they passed them out on Noah's Ark if they ain't any good," the Texan retorted. "I can assure you they are very good sir." the peeved druggist said. "Why just last year, my wife swallowed one. It gave her a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, circumcised the gardener, emasculated a neighbor, cut two of a delivery boy's fingers off at the knuckle -- and I still got 10 shaves out of it." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Rainbows http://tinyurl.com/34r5hk
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Gene Modified 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  April 28, 2007
======================================

 "To get rich, never risk your health. For it is the truth that
health is the wealth of wealth."
— Richard Baker

=======================================

"How was your blind date?" a college student
asked her 21 year old roommate.

"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed
up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so
bad about that?"

"He is the original owner."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to police in Hull, East Yorkshire, England Hysterical Vegetables protected by dumb cops April 25, 2007 - East Yorkshire, UK - Ananova A huge operation aimed at sabotaging the Government's GM potato trial backfired - when the 250 protesters got the wrong field. They swooped on the 16-hectare site, outside Hull, armed with shovels and planted thousands of organic potatoes, reports the Guardian. Activists from Mutatoes.org apologised to farmer David Buckton after it emerged that they wrongly identified his land as the site of the GM trial. The field they planted was sown with beans. Mr Buckton, 54, said the mix-up was the strangest event to have befallen his family in four generations of farming. He said the protesters were accompanied by two police officers on horseback. "I told the police officers that it was a bean field but they said the protest seemed peaceful so we'd better let them get on with it. The beans are just peeping through. The protesters should have been able to see that," he said. ----------------------------------- Not much point in suing the turnip brained idiots, but I hope the farmer sues the cops for protecting the hysterical vegetables, who ruined his field! Plants have been modified since the stone age. It makes no difference, whether it is done by selecting natural mutations, or hybrids or gene modification. For example, by the mid 1400's the Aymara Indians in Peru had developed more than two hundred varieties of potatos, that grew at elevations greater than 10,000 feet! It is the lack of modifying that is dangerous! Look at the Irish potato famine, that decimated the population of Ireland so badly that it still has not recovered today. Because of strict standardizing and not allowing natural mutations to become new fashions, there was no variety, which could cope with three years of "Global Warming" and wet years, which favored a blight fungus more than the Standard Irish Potato. Over a Million people died of hunger because of that, and over two Million emigrated. I realize that some gene modification efforts, like the Roundup resistant grains from Monsanto, were a bit boneheaded and pure ammunition for the hysterical sheep, who badmouth anything, that is from a major American company, and were used by Europe and Russia, with a lot of help from The Enemy Times, to shift grain sales away from the US and to European farmers. However, there have been quite a few very benficial wheat modifications, that very few people know about. If you are interested, have a look at Science Daily http://snipurl.com/1iir9 That is just one example. When some idiots get hysterical against all plant modifications, and sabotage testing of new varieties, then in my opinion they were obviously let out of the caves prematurely, and should be returned promptly. Dear Webby ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yeth, they uthed to be," remorsed the patient. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Teacher: If you had $1.00 and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have. : "I would have $1.00!" Teacher: "You don't know your arithmetic." : "You don't know my father!" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fast Eddie Re: Which computer is faster? Hi Mr Webby; I am in search of another computer and saw one over on "Tigerdirect" it is....... eMachines T3516 ----- $249.00 Refurbished Intel Desktop PC Blah, blah, blah.... a page full of hype and specs And I have one here at home (below!) I just wanted to know which one is faster? (in speed!) Reason why is because I want to give one of these to my daughter and I would like something faster! Gateway GM4019E AMD Athlon 64 3500+ DVDRW Media Center Blah, blah, blah.... two pages full of hype and specs Fast Eddie Dear Fast Eddie Whichever machine has fewer programs and utilities, will be the faster one. The hardware makes little difference, since the slowest part is the chair-to-keyboard interface. Tech support from Gateway doesn't have quite as bad a reputation as Compac/HP, so, if I had to choose between those two machines, I would pick the Gateway. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 20, 2007 - Knoxville, Tennessee - AP A Tennessee teenager says he's learned his lesson about drugs. The 14-year-old boy's father made him stand outside his Knoxville middle school wearing a sign reading, "I abused and sold drugs." The father told a Knoxville TV station that the nation's "extreme drug problem" calls for "extreme measures" by parents. He said he found about his son's involvement with marijuana and OxyContin by reading his MySpace page. The sign-carrying punishment ended when the school's dopy principal came out and asked the father to call it off. Seems he was afraid somebody would make him stand there with a placard too. The boy said it was embarrassing, but added that he's learned that "drugs are for losers."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Opening Jars Having trouble opening a jar? A latex dishwashing glove will help you grip the lid. If it is still stubborn, tap the lid lightly with the back of a butter knife. This will break the seal, but be careful not to break the glass jar. You can also use a pair of strap wrenches: Use one on the lid and the other one, upside down, on the neck of the jar, close to the lid. The rubber strap adjusts to any size jar or plumbing pipe. The very first time you use a strap wrench, it may be a bit puzzling for a moment, because the concept is much simpler than you expect. Put one on the neck of the jar and try turning it while holding the jar. It will slide in one direction and grab in the other. Flip the strap wrench so that it grabs the neck when you turn the handle in a clockwise direction. Then put the other strapwrench onto the lid upside down compared to the first strapwrench, so that it grabs when you turn it counter-clockwise. When you turn it counter-clockwise while holding the other strapwrench steady, the lid unscrews without much effort at all. Strapwrenches usually cost between 99 cents and $1.99 and they are a much appreciated gift for elder relatives, especially if they have arthritis. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Simone for this confession: My sex life is so bad ... that when I called one of those phone sex lines, a voice came on and said, "Not tonight. I have an earache." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== One evening while I was preparing dinner, my daughter came into the kitchen asking for homework help on her vocabulary words. "Mom," she asked, "what's a quarter horse?" As I thought of a simple explanation, my five-year-old son piped up, "I know! It's the one they have in front of the grocery store." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Mediterranean Coastline, prehistoric http://tinyurl.com/ekvxk
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Selective softening of digital pictures 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  April 26, 2007
Wear something red today to show support for the troops!"
======================================

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.
--- Helen Keller

"Nothing is as real as a dream. The world can change around
you, but your dream will not. Responsibilities need not erase it.
Duties need not obscure it. Because the dream is within you,
no one can take it away."
---  Tom Clancy

=======================================

Thanks to Fast Eddie for bringing back this classic:
A burglar broke into a house one night.  He shined his
flashlight around, looking for valuables. When he picked up
a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied
voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off,
and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
promised himself a vacation after the next big score, and
then clicked the light on and began searching for more
valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the
wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking
for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room,
his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked,
"I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed.  "Warn me, huh?  Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed .  "What kind of idiot would
name a bird Moses?"
"The kind of idiot that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
Jarhead Math
The Korean War, in which the Marine Corps fought and won
some of its most brutal battles, was not without its gallows
humor.

During one such conflict a ROK (Republic of Korea) Commander,
whose unit was fighting along with the Marines, called legendary
Marine General Chesty Puller, to report a major Chinese attack
in his sector.

"How many Chinese are attacking you?" asked Puller.

"Many, many, many many, many Chinese!" replied the excited
Korean Officer.

General Puller asked for another count and got the same answer,
"Many, many, many, many Chinese!"

"Dammit!" swore Puller, "Put my Marine Liaison Officer on the radio."

In a minute, an American voice came over the air: "Yes Sir?"

"Lieutenant," growled Chesty, "Exactly how many Chinese you got up there?"

"General, we got a whole shitload of Chinese up here!"

"Thank God!" exclaimed Puller, "At least there's someone up there who
knows how to count!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Troy Dollman, 30, of Tampa, Florida Home made money April 20, 2007 - Tampa, Florida - AP A man was arrested Friday for trying to use counterfeit $100 bills at strip clubs, authorities said. Troy Dollman, 30, of Tampa, was videotaped trying to use counterfeit money at one strip club. He then went across the street to another club and tried to use two more counterfeit bills, according to an affidavit. Dollman was held by security at the second strip club until authorities arrived. Police found two more counterfeit $100 bills when they searched Dollman's pickup truck. He was charged with three counts of uttering a forged instrument and one count of counterfeiting. He was in jail Friday on $8,000 bond. It was not known if he had an attorney. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Noella for this picture: Rainbows from last night in Bolivar, Missouri. While we were looking at this, my husband who is a truck driver, had to pull off to the side of the road on his way home because the rain was so strong! Noella =========================================== April 23, 2007 - Peru, Indiana - AP An 11-year-old girl stopped a van that went out of control when her diabetic mother became ill, police said. Indiana State Police Senior Trooper Joe Swisher said Abigail Parker's actions were ''nothing short of heroic.'' Besides stopping the van, Abigail kept her mother and 8-year-old brother calm and informed paramedics about her mother's condition, Swisher said. State police dispatched an ambulance and troopers to U.S. 31 south of Peru on Saturday after the girl called 911 and another person reported a reckless driver. Officers found the van stopped, partially blocking the southbound lane of the highway. Deborah Parker, 36, of Muncie, who had been driving, was unaware of her surroundings. She was treated for low blood sugar. Abigail told police her mother had started driving erratically at about 80 mph. The girl said she climbed from the rear seat of the van onto the woman's lap and managed to stop the vehicle before calling 911. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== "So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "have you any other skills you think may be worth mentioning?" "Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel." "Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours." Mrs Smith explained brightly, "Oh, that was during office hours. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Billie Re: How to blur Dear Webby: With my old camera I used to be able to have the prime object nice and sharp and everything else a bit blurred by precisely setting the distance. With my new camera everything is auto- matic and I can't set the distance. Is there a way to fake the same results? Billie Dear Billie With some digital cameras you can half depress the shutter button and force it to take a reading. Then you can move the camera and it will use that setting, when you fully depress the shutter. However, that does not always blur what is not in precise focus, especially with a small lens type camera and bright lighting. In the old days photographers smeared vaseline onto the lens and cleaned the portion they wanted sharp with an alcohol soaked swab. With a large lens camera you can still do that, but I would not really advise it. The alcohol can affect the coating on the lens. It is a lot more precise and predictable to do the blurring after you got the picture onto the computer. Any graphics program like PaintShopPro or Photoshop will do it nicely. Use the retouching tool, set it to a round shape and a hardness of about 50%. Select it to SOFTEN. Then wipe it from the edges in towards the area that you want to leave sharp and crisp. You can also use the irregular shape election tool, lassoo the sharp area, invert the selection, and then blur or soften the entire selected area in one shot. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ring Around the Collar My husband gets ring around the collar because he has oily skin. I use liquid dishwashing detergent and smear it on the stains and wash as usual. The oil comes right out. Cheap shampoo also works well. By Misty
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, when will I be old enough to do as I please?" The father answered immediately, "I don't know, son. Nobody has lived that long yet." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Pianos http://tinyurl.com/35687f
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Lost mouse 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  April 26, 2007
======================================

The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.
--- Paul Valery

One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked,
but cannot be taken away unless it is surrendered.
--- Michael J. Fox

=======================================

Thanks to the Express Empress for this:

Call Center Classic:
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have
just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back
two weeks will I have my file back again?".

---------------------
If that worked for my car, I'd turn it back a few days and
get rid of it. Blew the engine in it today and lost most of
the day because of it.

However, while waiting for a tow truck, I got a few hours
of way overdue sun tanning.

After the Crysler dealer told me that it would be next month
before I could get, for $200, an estimate on how much the
repair will cost,  I decided to rent a car for the duration.

Well, Budget Rental Cars has banker's hours and had
closed at 3:30 PM. However, there was a used car lot
there, and a really cute, bright red convertible. I asked how
much that one was. He quoted me just about exactly the
amount that I had budgeted for renting a car.

A few minutes later my MasterCard had a bunch more
Airmiles, and I drove off in my first convertible.
If somebody had planned to spoil my day,
then they failed miserably.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

An overweight Lucy consulted her doctor for advice. The
doctor advised that she run ten miles a day for thirty days.
This, he promised, would help her lose as many as twenty
pounds.

Lucy followed the doctor's advice, and, after thirty days,
she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the pesky
twenty pounds. She phoned the doctor and thanked him for
the wonderful advice which produced such effective results.
At the end of the conversation, however, she asked one last
question: "Are you going to come pick me up, or do I have to
run home 300 Miles?"

===========================================

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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Fernand Etienne, 60, of Huy, belgium All kids look the same to some people April 24, 2007 - Huy, Belgium - Ananova Teachers at a Belgian nursery school panicked after a man came to pick up his granddaughter but got the wrong girl. When the parents of two-year-old Marie arrived to pick her up they were told she had already been collected by her grandfather. Teachers at Don Bosco school in Huy immediately called the police who organised a search, reports the Antwerp Gazette. While they were still searching, police received a call from Fernand Etienne, 60, to say his wife had told him the little girl he had collected was not their granddaughter. "I'm still surprised," he explained later. "The little girl has the same looks as my granddaughter - same age, blonde hair. And her name is Marie like our granddaughter. "I had no reason to suspect it was another girl since the teacher had called her for me." Mr Etienne realised something was wrong when the little girl started crying in the car and he couldn't calm her down. He called his daughter, Marie's mother, who spoke to the girl by phone and calmed her down - without realising she wasn't speaking to her own daughter. Finally, the grandmother solved the mystery and Mr Etienne hurried back to school to collect his real granddaughter and return the other Marie to her parents. ---------------------------------- This seems to happen a lot in Belgium! There was an almost identical Bonehead Award not too long ago. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Nita for this picture: Dear Webby, Thank you so much for Sandi's pictures of the burrowing baby owls....fascinating!! This picture is a Band Tailed Pigeon who returned to Oregon yesterday after a well fed winter in Mexico. Nita =========================================== Nurse: "Doctor, Doctor the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step what should I do?" Doctor: "Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Rosie for this story: Although he had packed his bag for a business trip the night before, my husband planned to come home from the office before leaving. That afternoon he called to say the meeting had been canceled and on the spur of the moment we decided to spend a romantic, child-free night in a hotel. I quickly repacked his suitcase, replacing his belongings with two wine glasses, candlesticks and candles and some bubble bath. Then I dashed out to buy a bottle of wine. When I returned, the bag was gone. A note on the kitchen table read: "Sorry, hon, the business trip's on after all. I'll call you when I get there." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rheta Re: Lost mouse Dear webby: My grand son has lost his mouse. I think he has melinium not sure of the spelling of it. And I'm not sure of the keys that can be used to find it. Got any ideas On this problem ? Rheta Dear Rheta Eery time I lost a mouse and rebooting didn't help, plugging in a new one fixed the problem. They don't last very long, especially the cheaper ones. Worst are the $1.49 mice that get shipped with new computers. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 25, 2007 - Bloomfield Hills, Michigan - AP A 19-year-old suburban Detroit resident is on track to graduate from The University of Michigan after just a year of study. Nicole Matisse, of Bloomfield Hills, is to officially graduate in the summer with a bachelor's degree in psychology. As a student at Lahser High School, Matisse had exhausted the curriculum by her junior year. Between the exams she passed on eight advanced placement courses and the eight classes she took at Oakland Community College, she had amassed enough credits to enter the university last fall as a junior. ''When I got to U-M, I only took 19 credits, and I was bored and craved more credits,'' she told The Detroit News for a Wednesday story. ''So even when I took 27 credits this semester, I felt I could have added even more.'' It's unclear whether any other students have done what Matisse will accomplish this year, but Donna Wessel Walker, assistant director of the honors program, said she's never seen it happen. ''She's taking in one semester the course load that most people take in two,'' Wessel Walker said. ''She is one determined young lady.'' Matisse's next step is to start as a first-year student at the Wayne State University law school in Detroit.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dividing Up Your Ground Beef I cook up 10 pounds of ground beef at a time and then I divide it up into one pound packages (our family's size) and just freeze it. Then when I get home from work, all the hard work is done. I can make tacos, casseroles or whatever quickly by reaching into the freezer. By Valerie
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go fix them a couple drinks. As he's standing there he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says, "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He turns beat red and says, "Gee, oh...I'm sorry...I..." She continues, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Money isnt everything It can buy a bed - but not sleep It can buy a clock - but not time It can buy you a book - but not knowledge It can buy you a position - but not respect It can buy you medicine - but not health It can buy you blood - but not life It can buy you sex - but not love So you see, money isn't everything, and it often causes pain and suffering. I tell you all this because I am your friend, and as your friend I want to take away your pain and suffering. So send me all your money and I will suffer for you. And if anybody does, I'll eat a broom! ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Know hwat you eat http://tinyurl.com/ynml9w
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: How long do camera chips last? 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  April 25, 2007
======================================

"It is not enough to have a good mind.
The main thing is to use it well."
— René Descartes

=======================================

Thanks to Cookie for this story:
An authority on African animals was giving a lecture.
When he finished, he asked for questions.
One man stood up and asked,
"Is it true that the wild animals in Africa won't bother you
if you carry a lighted torch?"
The speaker replied, "That depends on how fast you carry it."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will.
She told her rabbi she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart.
"Walmart!" The rabbi exclaimed, "Why Walmart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Steve Pratt, Australian politician Clueless Nuisance April 21, 2007 - Canberra, Australia - Ananova An Australian MP's anti-graffiti crusade backfired when he spent five hours scrubbing off a specially commissioned piece of street art. Steve Pratt invited the media to witness his removal of an "obnoxious piece of vivid graffiti vandalism" on the side of a concrete bridge in Canberra, reports the Daily Telegraph. It was only after he had reduced it to a discoloured smear with the aid of stiff brushes and industrial-strength detergent that it emerged it had been commissioned by a local sports club. John Stanhope, the chief minister of the Australian Capital Territory, said the opposition MP's artistic vigilantism had been referred to police for investigation and possible prosecution. "In his eagerness to thump the law and order tub, it seems that Mr Pratt may have joined the ranks of those he so consistently reviles - the vandals of our community," he said. A spokesman for the ACT Community Art program, run by TAMS, said Mr Pratt was told last week that the mural was a commissioned artwork. Asked if Mr Pratt's office had contacted the program, the spokesman said: "Yes, that's correct." Asked if the program had told Mr Pratt the mural was a commissioned artwork, the spokesman said: "Yes, that is also correct." The ACT Government has called for a police investigation, saying Mr Pratt should make a public apology and pay $3000 compensation to the artist. Mr Pratt has refused to apologise. The club that had paid for the mural has no plans to replace the original mural painted by a local graffiti artist affectionately known as "Dan the man" and featuring a man playing disc golf. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this update on the burrowing owl chicks from across the road from her house. They are already larger than fist size. =========================================== Two friends meet in the street. The one lad looked forlorn and almost on the verge of tears. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?" The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me forty thousand dollars." "That's not bad." "Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me eighty-five thousand free and clear." "I'd like that." "Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a quarter of a million." "The how come you look so glum?" "And this week - nothing!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Helping his wife wash the dishes, a minister protested, "This isn't a man s job." Oh yes, it is, his wife retorted, quoting 2 Kings 21:13: "I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down." ------------------------ By the way, did you know that the Bible states that brewing coffe is the man's job? On quite a few pages it says it right at the top: He brews =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Camera memory chips Dear Webby; I have another question for someone I consider to be an expert. I am taking pics w/ a digital camera & have a memory card. I usually take 15-20 pics a month at our church gospel sing. Then I take them from the camera & resize to about 480 px. and put them in a folder in my documents before emailimg them on to others. Then I take these pics & put them on a disk to be sure I don't lose them. After I have done this I am in the habit of deleting them from the memory card. Is there any amount of time this card can be used over & over before it will need to be replaced? I don't like keeping them on the card because it gets too confusing. I have even saved some of your dad's cactus pics. Thanks ever so much for your time & patience. Sharon § Dear Sharon Dear Sharon I have heard of camera chips that were stepped on, vacuumed up, eaten by toddlers or pets, but never of one that stopped accepting data. At a rate of 20 pictures per month, you can probably copy pictures on and delete them from that chip for about 3000 years, maybe more. So, don't panic yet. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 21, 2007 - Blackburn, Lancashire - Ananova An autistic boy who could not speak has learned his first words with the help of his family's pet parrot. Dylan Hargreaves, four, has severe learning difficulties and had never uttered a single word. But after listening to macaw Barney, he can now say "Night, night", "Dad", "Mum", "Ta", "Hello" and "Bye", reports The Sun. Experts think he is close to his first two-syllable word. Mum Michelle, 33, said: "Barney has changed our lives. Before he arrived, Dylan would try to speak, but the sound came out as a noise. Then we got Barney and, a few months later, Dylan began to talk." "Every time I gave the bird something to say, Dylan started trying to say the same thing. I think it's because the bird says things slower than me, which helps Dylan understand. "Now when I put him to bed he says, 'Night, night, mum'. It means the world to me." Michelle thinks her son's first two-syllable word will be Barney, because he loves his pet so much.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Clothing Off Season When buying new clothing, I purchase my winter clothes and shoes in the summer and my summer clothes in the winter. For used clothing, yard sales and church rummage sales are great places to find nice clothing. By Janice
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores or discuss your problems with him - it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most impor- tantly, you have to increase your frequency of intimacy. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die," she replied. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 12-month-old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?" She said, "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: World's only Corn Palace http://tinyurl.com/27veg6
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: PriceGrabber 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  April 23, 2007
======================================

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that
more people worry than work.
--- Robert Frost

=======================================

Thanks to Dianne for this story:
Two mothers are having a conversation about their children
one day.

"How do you get your Marvin up so early on school mornings?"
asks Joan.

"Oh, that's easy," replies Marianne. "I just throw the cat
on his bed."

"Why does that wake him up?"

"He sleeps with the dog!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

From Deacon Jerry
You will never see or read this in the liberal media.
But the Academy Award winner is, again, proven to be the
liar he is . . supported by the entertainment industry in
Calipornia.

AND Snopes says the news story is true, not another urban
legend.

Inconvenient Truth
http://www.snopes.com/politics/bush/house.asp

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 22 year old drunk driver in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania SHORT TRIP TO JAIL April 20, 2007 - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - AP A drunken driver veered onto a sidewalk and crashed into a police station, knocking bricks loose from the building, police said. The headquarters of the city's 18th Police District was still structurally sound, said Lt. Joel Dales, a district supervisor. Investigators said the 22-year-old driver had been arguing with a woman in another car before the crash early Thursday. He was charged with driving under the influence. --------------------- When trying to find a name and more details, I learned that Philadelphia, Pennsylvania is a rather rough place! This weekend their murder count for the year went to 125. Also this weekend five teens were shot and 5 were stabbed, but are alive in various hospitals. Dear Weby ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Rubye for sending this picture of her orchid: =========================================== Wendy was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being only five feet tall, Wendy had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box. Fortunately, her husband was six-feet-tall so she called him to help. "Hey, James!" Wendy yelled , who was in the living room. "Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?" "Sure, Honey," James remarked as he bounded into the kitchen. "But next time, I'd prefer the title 'Your Highness.'" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Thanks to Dave and Judy for this: This is a unique personality evaluation. There are only 4 questions but the results are very interesting. I was kind of shocked by what some of my answers meant. Be honest and honor what pops into your mind when the questions present themselves. You don't fill anything out and ou don't send anything in to the site. It's totally private, but quite aneye opener! http://memoriter.net/flash/test.html =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rita Re: PriceGrabber Dear Webby I was just reading about the types of Windows XP there are. Also that you could purchase them through price grabber.com on the internet.I was wondering if a person can purchase it at a local store like Best Buy and Circuit City etc.I read all your helpful information each day that you give to people who write in to ask something specific.Keep up the good work.Love your daily letters also. Happy Sunday to you and yours. Rita T. Dear Rita PriceGrabber is not just for on-line stores! It lists the downtown stores too. You can check there which of your local chain stores like Best Buy or CompUSA or whatever has the best deal and then figure out whether driving a bit further justifies the time and gas cost. For example, for a $2 difference I won't drive all the way across town. I'll pay the $2 more and save $3 on gas. Also look at flyers in your local paper. Quite often those big chain stores have weekend specials where they sell an item at a loss, just to drag you into the store. To stampeded the sheep over to the Vista machines, they will occasionally sell XP CDs for ridiculously low "Final Clearance" prices, (for one day). Those are "in-store-only" specials and not listed on PriceGrabber. Since those specials are often sold out by the time you get there, PriceGrabber does not list them. But you get a fair idea about who in your neighborhood has the best deal on whatever item you are interested in. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 21, 2007 - Waynesburg - Kentucky - AP Miss America 1944 has a talent that likely has never appeared on a beauty pageant stage: She fired a handgun to shoot out a vehicle's tires and stop an intruder. Venus Ramey, 82, confronted a man on her farm in south-central Kentucky last week after she saw her dog run into a storage building where thieves had previously made off with old farm equipment. Ramey said the man told her he would leave. "I said, 'Oh, no you won't,' and I shot their tires so they couldn't leave," Ramey said. She had to balance on her walker as she pulled out a snub-nosed .38-caliber handgun. "I didn't even think twice. I just went and did it," she said. "If they'd even dared come close to me, they'd be 6 feet under by now." Ramey then flagged down a passing motorist, who called 911. Curtis Parrish of Ohio was charged with misdemeanor trespassing, Deputy Dan Gilliam said. The man's hometown wasn't immediately available. Three other people were questioned but were not arrested.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Trash Bags Handy Keep a few trash bags in the bottom of your waste baskets so you will have them handy. That way you can quickly replace them when you are taking out the trash. By Gracie
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
My friend Don, a minor-league umpire, is used to being heckled by fans. But imagine his surprise when he was rushing to umpire an exhibition game at Coors Field in Denver. After a long search for a place to change clothes, Don finally located a room with a neatly lettered sign: "Dressing Room, Umpires Only." As he was about to go in, however, he inspected the sign more closely. Below the printed legend was the same message... written in Braille. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Mandlebaum receives an ad in the mail for a golf resort where everything costs one dollar. He jumps at the offer and heads off for a weekend of fun in the sun. He arrives and plays a round of golf. It cost him a buck. When he goes for dinner that evening, it costs him another buck. His room is only a buck a day! The day before he's to check out, he heads out to play a last round and stops by the pro shop and charges a sleeve of three balls to his room. When he's checking out next morning, he looks at the bill and sees...."Golf: $1.00. Dinner: $1.00. Room: $1.00. Sleeve of golf balls: $395" He hits the ceiling! Calling over to the manager, he asks, "What is this all about? Everything is supposed to cost one dollar, and you charged me three $395 for three golf balls?" I'm sorry, sir," said the manager, "but you didn't read the fine print in our promotional brochure. That's what our golf balls cost." "Well," said the man, "if I wanted to spend that kind of money, I could've gone to that luxury hotel across the street and paid them a $400 dollars a day for a room. At least I would've known what I was paying for!" "That's right, sir, you could have," said the manager. "Over there they get you by the room. Over here we get you by the balls! ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Nasa, Somewhere in time http://tinyurl.com/2n4qe7
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: Which XP 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  April 22, 2007
======================================

If you would be known, and not know, vegetate in a village;
If you would know, and not be known, live in a city.
--- Charles Caleb Colton

A man's silence is wonderful to listen to.
--- Thomas Hardy

=======================================

On the train, a soldier named Jack
Said good-bye, and leaned out to smack
The lips of his chick
But the train took-off quick
And he kissed a cow's butt down the track.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

"How does Keli like being pregnant?" Sam asked his
friend Greg.

"Oh, she's not pregnant," Greg replied, "she's expecting."

"What's the difference?" Sam pressed.

"Well, Greg explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner,
she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting
me to rub her feet . . ."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to North Wiltshire council and council mowers Unaware council April 16, 2007 - Malmesbury, Wiltshire, UK - Daily Mirror A haven for rare wild flowers has been mowed by council gardeners who thought it was wasteland. Volunteers had planted hundreds of snake's head fritillary bulbs and spent seven months tending them. They say the area was clearly marked, reports the Daily Mirror. The flowers, rarely seen in the wild in Britain, were in bloom when mowers moved in to the half-acre picnic site in Malmesbury, Wiltshire. Deputy mayor John Lawton said: "I am incandescent with rage." North Wiltshire council apologised but said they were unaware the wild flower area existed. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Great Granny Vi for sending these pictures: =========================================== A friend was complaining that her boyfriend would not say. "I love you," even if explicitly asked to do so. The only exception, she said, was when they were in fact in the act of making love. Then, if asked, he would say the sacred words. I suggested that she should not take too much comfort in the exception. When making love, I explained, men will say anything. "He'd tell you he's the Easter Bunny if that's what he thinks you want to hear," I told her. The conversation rattled on from there. A couple of weeks later, she related the following. "We were in bed, making love. I said, 'Tell me you love me.'" He replied, 'I love you.' I said, 'Tell me you're the Easter Bunny.' He stopped for a second, and announced, 'I'm the Easter Bunny.' So I slapped him. "The poor guy probably still doesn't know what happened!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Which XP Dear Webby I'm searching for Xp to replace Vista I came accross new questions? How do I know the copy is genuine? Some vendors offer COA's some keycodes only. All say they are genuine. There is also the issue of OEM version vs Retail. What si difference in plain language about Home vs Pro vs Media Center? The more I look the more I have questions about. Thank You as always for your help & superb newsletter, Steve J. Dear Steve Dear Steve As long as you stick to real businesses, that are listed at Pricegrabber.com or by their local Chamber of Commerce, you can't go wrong. With a real business you can always tell them that you will report them to Microsoft, if they don't fork over a genuine Microsoft CD and license. OEM is the same as retail, just without the fancy box, since it is intended to be bundled together with other stuff in a box that the OEM provides. Theoretically OEM's are not supposed to retail Windows OEM CDs, but since some machines are always bought by Linux users who don't want the Windows CD, they have some left over and sell them out the back door. XP Flavors: Home: fastest. PRO: costs 1.95 times as much as Home, but can be installed on two machines. Has a few networking utilities thrown in. They are cute, but not needed for home networking. If you network more than 10 machines and like playing control freak, get a PRO for the admin machine. Media Center: Slowest. Has a bunch of Vista style anti media-piracy stuff in it to make it more difficult to use music and movies without paying. MediaCenter also has some utilities for using a TV signal and watch TV on the computer, IF you have a tuner video card. Tuner video cards were the hot item in 95, but are still available. Some of the newer computers have them as an option. I only tried that very briefly in 95, and definitely would not pay extra for that. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Submitted by Ann Schoolgirl Hero Acted on Common Sense to Save Busload Friday, 06 April 2007 A Queensland schoolgirl who police say may have saved the lives of a busload of students with her quick wits and steely nerve has shrugged off her bravery, saying it was just common sense. Year 12 student Laura Simpson has been acknowledged as a hero after bringing an overnight coach under control on the Warrego Highway near Muckadilla, in south-west Queensland, after its driver had a heart attack. The bus, full of students on their way home for school holidays, ran off the highway and hit a road sign around 3am (AEST) yesterday when the driver took ill with what proved to be a minor heart attack. Farmer's daughter Laura, 16, was jolted awake and immediately took action. "I said to the bus driver 'are you alright mate, are you alright?' but he had passed out and the bus was starting to run off the other side of the road," Laura said. "I grabbed the steering wheel and put it into first gear." Laura, who was returning to her Longreach home from St Margaret's Anglican Girls School in Brisbane, managed to revive the driver, who lifted his foot off the accelerator and pulled the bus to a halt. If the bus had failed to stop, it could have ended up in a river.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Emergency Gift Box Take nice but unwanted items that were received for the holidays and put them in a box for emergency gifts. Also, buy good gift items on sale or at garage sales. That way you never have to run out and buy a gift at the last minute. By Erin
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday. "A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk. "You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting a cruise." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty. "Hello," said the Father, "And hows Mrs. O'Donovan, didn't I marry you two years ago?" "You did that, Father." "And are there any little ones yet?" "No, not yet, Father." "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week, and I'll light a candle for you." "Thank you, Father." And away she went. A few years later they met again. "Well now, Mrs. O'Donovan," said the Father, "how are you?" "Oh, very well," said she. "And tell me," he said, "have you any little ones yet?" "Oh yes, Father. I've had three sets of twins, and four singles--ten in all." "Now isn't that wonderful," he said, "And how is your lovely husband?" "Oh," she said, "he's over in Rome to blow up that bloody candle candle of yours!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Old gas stations http://tinyurl.com/2jhqx8
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: DELL caved in! 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  April 21, 2007
======================================

"You have to trust in something -- your gut, destiny, life, karma,
whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has
made all the difference in my life."
--- Steve Jobs

"Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished
by being governed by those who are dumber."
--- Plato (427-347 B.C.)

=======================================

From Cookie

Dear Webby
I'm sure all of us have have a similar experience as
*TENDJEWBERRYMUD*.
Going to share mine with you...

    I wanted to change something with one of my accounts
at Citi Bank, their web site was down, so I chose to call
and do it by phone. Well, I ended up connected 'out of country'
...after 15 or so minutes of not understanding what in the
world the questions were he was asking me...I asked for his
name again, which he had given at the beginning of our one
sided conversation, I said thank you but just cancel the
transaction.

    The next day I went to local Citi Bank where my account
actually is (anyway I think it is ;) only to have a nice lady
tell me, next time I could do this transaction online or by
phone. I had the name and number of person I spoke to
with me, so I asked her to please call the number and ask
for that person and to try and do the transaction for me.

She looked at me a little condescendingly and said,
"sure if that is what you wish."

Well, about 3 minutes into the conversation she covered the
receiver with her hand, looked at me and said, "I can't
understand a thing he is saying."
I smiled and said, "EXACTLY"!!

   She kept the name and number and said she would speak
with the bank manager about the problem, but as all of us
know...nothing will change except...I will always wait for
the web site to be functioning!! ;-}

Have a great day, Cookie

==========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this classic:

A station in Tennessee was trying to make the high
cost of gas worth the price so the owner put up a sign saying,
"Free Sex with Fill-Up."

Soon a local redneck, Billy Ray pulled in, filled his tank,
and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number
from 1 to 10.
If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
Billy Ray then guessed 8, and the proprietor said,
"You were close; the number was 7.
Sorry, no sex this time."

A week later, Billy Ray along with his buddy,
Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up.
Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story,
and asked him to guess the correct number Billy Ray guessed
2 this time.
Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 4.
You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, Billy Ray said to his buddy, "I think
that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."

Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged,
my wife won twice last week."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

One day a gentleman walked into one of Ben Franklin's book
stores. As one of the clerks went to assist him, the gentleman
asked the clerk the price of the book he wished to purchase.
The young clerk looked at the price posted on the book and
said, "That book is one dollar, sir."

The gentleman began to haggle with the clerk over the price.
The clerk assured him that the correct price for the book was
one dollar and no lower. As the man realized that his efforts
to haggle with the clerk were going nowhere, he insisted on
speaking with Ben Franklin directly.

Franklin stopped his work, walked out to the storefront and
the gentleman asked, "What is the price of this book?"

Franklin answered, "One dollar and a quarter."

The gentleman was confused and replied, "Your clerk just said
it was a dollar."

Franklin looked at the book again and answered, "Yes, it was
a dollar. But now you're wasting my time."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jacksonville, Florida fire fighters April 16, 2007 - Jacksonville, Florida - AP Authorities said Jacksonville firefighters returned from an emergency call Saturday to find a blaze in their own station. District Fire Chief Randy Wyse said the firefighters left a stove on in Station 17 when they rushed out to answer a call Saturday night. The fire damaged the kitchen and parts of the firefighters' sleeping quarters. Officials weren't sure how much the damage would cost. The station is temporarily closed. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: Burrowing Owl showing off her two shy chicks =========================================== For the first few months of her co-op job for the state of Georgia, my sister had nothing to do, so she surfed the Web or did crossword puzzles. One day she expressed her boredom to a co-worker. "I know," she complained. "Everyone thinks state workers have it easy. But there's only so much you can pretend you're doing." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A friend asked a gentleman why he never married? Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl." "Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry." "Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me." "Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend. "She was looking for the perfect man." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eloise Re: Dell caved in! Dear Webby Thanks to you and a few others who publicly ranted against Dell trying to ram Vista down our throats, they caved in. XP will be available as a choice again. Do you think they will raise the price when they don't get the Vista subsidy, or will they cheapen the hardware? Eloise Dear Eloise I don't think they can easily switch to slower components, but they will probably overnight drop the standard configurations to 512 MB RAM instead of 2 GB, and charge you extra for the RAM that was included in the Vista machines up to now. If you are planning on buying a new computer in the near future, buy it today, or at least get a printable quote. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Bonehead to whiny prisoners and Kudo to Colorado Court of Appeals April 16, 2007 - Denver, Colorado - AP Three prisoners serving potential life sentences in Colorado say their lives have been threatened - by mosquitoes. The inmates at Walsenburg and Limon prisons sued, saying they were at risk of contacting West Nile virus or other diseases after they were bitten repeatedly by mosquitoes and suffered "the emotional and mental distress of whether or not each mosquito's bite would result in death or serious bodily injury." Stephen G. Glover, Alan Smith and Michael Freeman said the bites caused high fever, headache, neck stiffness and muscle weakness. "Each attack constituted bodily injury, which the (Department of Corrections) had the power to prevent, but consciously elected not to," wrote the inmates, acting as their own attorneys. But the Colorado Court of Appeals swatted down their case and upheld a lower court's decision to throw their case out. Prison officials said no confirmed cases of West Nile virus have ever been found in the prison population, and inmates are provided mosquito repellant.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Salsa Tip Cheap Carpet Deodorizer Instead of using store bought carpet deodorizer when you vacuum, use baking soda. It works just as well and is cheaper. If you need to really deodorize an area, let it sit for a few hours or overnight before vacuuming. By Claudia
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Bobby asked his baby sitter for help in getting his boots on. He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had already worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when my son said, "wrong feet!" She looked and sure enough, they were on the wrong feet. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on -- this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my cousin's boots. My Mom said I have to wear them, because mine leak." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in my boots..." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk by again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again..?" ----------------------------- I remember a train like that in Austria, when I was a little kid. It had an awfully interesting steam engine that leaked steam in all kinds of places that did not seem right to me, but they wouldn't let me near it. They were probably afraid I would start taking it apart. I had a bit of a reputation for doing that. Anyway, that narrow gauge train moved at a pretty good clip on the steep downhill grades, but was very slow uphill. Each of the little verandahs at each end of the rail cars they had signs that the gwown-ups told me read: "Picking flowers while the train is in motion is strictly prohibited!" There were no signs against jumping off the train at the front of a rail car and jumping on again at the back, running to the front on the inside and doing it all over again. Just no picking flowers while waiting for the rear of the rail car to come along. But I had fun anyway until they told me to sit down and shut up. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Grand Canyon cam http://tinyurl.com/bttxj
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Why not Norton? 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  April 20, 2007
Wear red today to show your support for the troops!
======================================


PERVERT ALERT!

The media announced that the Westboro Perverts will be a
nuisance around town in Blacksburg, Virginia.

The Perverts know that the cops will keep them from the
actual funerals, but the media have started to give them
prime time already.

=======================================

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day
approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem
they had never before shared with anyone, not even each
other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to
ask his father for advice. He said,  "Father, I am
deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I
love my fiancee, very much, but you see, I have very
smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be
put off by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash
your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks,
even to bed."

Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take
her problem up her mom. She said, "Mom, when I wake up
in the morning my breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath
in the morning."

"No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad,
I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep
in the same room with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get
straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and
brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until
you've brushed your teeth. Not a word,"

Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try.

The loving couple were finally married in a beautiful
ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received,
he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning
silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about
6 months  later.

Shortly before dawn, the husband wakes with a start to
find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the
consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of
course, woke his bride and without thinking, she
immediately asks, "What on earth are you doing?"

"Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've swallowed my
sock!"

==========================================

A plumber was called to a woman's apartment in New York to
repair a leaking pipe.  When he arrived he was pleased to
discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked
babe, and during the course of the afternoon the two became
extremely friendly.

About 5.30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom
shenanigans. "That was my husband," she said, "He's on
his way home, but he's going back to the office around 8.
Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off."

The union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief.
"What? On my own time??"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Groan Alert:
Ben Kenobi and Luke Flyswatter are having a Chinese
supper. Ben picks up the chopsticks and starts eating.

Luke is having problems, there is food over his face,
his clothes, and the table, but not much in his mouth.

"What should I do?" he asks Ben.

"Use the forks, Luke!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brandy Killin, 26, of Kearny, Nebraska Truant March 30, 2007 - Kearny, Nebraska - AP Police say a Kearney woman went to extremes to avoid working the weekend. Brandy Killin, 26, faces a felony charge of threatening to use an explosive after she allegedly phoned a bomb threat in to her employer to get out of work. Police said Killin called First National Omaha, a credit card service center, at 9:52 a.m. Saturday from a pay phone. Killin was supposed to report to work at 10 a.m. She was arrested Tuesday. If convicted, Killin could be sentenced to up to five years in prison. She has worked at the company for three months, according to court records. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Dave for sending this picture: =========================================== The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" she said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband!....Is this 223-1374? "No, this is 223-1375." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a poice officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began. Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?" The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket." The officer let him in. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Why not Norton ? Thank you for the prompt response. What do you recommend rather than Norton, and why does it need a special removal tool? Thanks for the great job you are doing. Carol Dear Carol Norton hides stuff in places where you can't easily remove it without that special removal tool. It does not do a clean un-install and in some cases has required formatting to completely get rid of it. That's why experienced techs don't recommend it for XP. I use and recommend McAfee Viruscan and mcAfee Firewall. However, the rest of the stuff that McAfee has, is definitely optional and not recommended by me. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 16, 2007 - Dawson, Texas - AP Champ, the horse, just wanted a drink from the creek when he got that sinking feeling. It took a backhoe and a team of rescuers to dig through the muck and haul the 1,200-pound horse to safety Thursday afternoon. Champ had worn himself out trying to escape the mud that sucked him in up to his belly by the time his owners discovered him in the morning. "It was like quicksand out here," said Champ's owner Jeff Radabaugh. "We dug until we couldn't dig anymore." Radabaugh said he was able to get another horse out of the mud easily, but Champ wouldn't budge. Firefighters and police were summoned to help. Neighbors and other volunteers also showed up to haul buckets of mud from around the horse which appeared to be nearly on its side as it struggled to get out. Ropes and straps eventually were put around the horse to lift it out of the mud with the backhoe. "It was wild," said Dawson Police Chief Nicole McMahan. "That poor horse -- if all those people hadn't showed up to help -- he surely would have perished."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Salsa Tip I got this tip from a neighbor. Instead of cooking homemade salsa on top of the stove where the tomatoes cook to a liquid, I roast the mixture at 350 degrees for 4-5 hours, stirring every hour. The tomatoes stay a little chunky and the sauce tastes and looks just like store bought. By Marjorie
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== *TENDJEWBERRYMUD* It's amazing; you will understand the above word by the end of the conversation. Read aloud for best results. "Tendjewberrymud." Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while after reading this. Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees" Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service" RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??" G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs" RS: "Ow July den?" G: "What??" RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?" G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please." RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?" G: "Crisp will be fine." RS : "Hokay. An San tos?" G: "What?" RS:"San tos. July San tos?" G: "I don't think so" RS: "No? Judo one toes??" G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one toes' means." RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?" G: "English muffin! I've got it! You were saying ' Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine." RS: "We bother?" G: "No..just put the bother on the side." RS: "Wad?" G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side." RS: "Copy?" G: "Sorry?" RS: "Copy...tea...mill?" G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all." RS: "One Minnie. As ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??" G: "Whatever you say" RS: "Tendjewberrymud" G : "You're welcome" ------------------- If you plan to overnight in Hongcouver (formerly Vancouver, BC) then you better study Chinglish beforehand, so as to avoid embrrassing mitt-eggs, ahem mistakes. ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Der Webby: Installing XP 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  April 19, 2007
======================================

"Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier."
--- Colin L. Powell

=======================================

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southern Republican?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and
two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a
huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and
charges at you.  You are carrying a Glock Cal 40, and you
are an expert shot.  You have mere seconds before he
reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

1)  Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to
attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the
knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of
message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content
just to wound me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes,
have a paint and weed day and make this a happier,
healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing!
I need to debate this with some friends for few weeks
and try to come to a consensus and AAARGH!


2)  Republican's Answer:
BANG!


3)Southern Republican's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
...(sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter: Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those my Winchester
Silver Tips or Mom's Hollow Points?

Son: Git-R-Dun Pop!  Can I shoot the next one?

Wife: You ain't taking THAT to the taxidermist!

==========================================

The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver
transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant,
a lung transplant, and a heart transplant."

"WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you
think you need all these transplants."

"Well," explained the patient, "my boss told me that
I needed to get reorganized."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to
work its way through Congress.

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting
in a long, long line for judgment. As he stood there, he
noticed that some souls were allowed to march right
through the Gates of Heaven; others, though, were led
over to Satan, who threw them into a burning pit of
fire.

Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the
fire, Satan would toss him (or her) to one side. After
watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's
curiosity got the better of him and he strolled over
and tapped Satan on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, there, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm
waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help
wondering why you are tossing those people aside
instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with
the others?"

"Ah", Satan said with a grin. "They are people from
Seattle; they're still too wet to burn!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to mugshot stars in Florida April 6, 2007 - Orlando, Florida - AP America loves a good mug shot. The more frizzed, frazzled and frantic, the better. An Orlando entrepreneur has seized on that fascination, recently starting JAIL, a weekly newspaper filled with nothing but unflattering booking shots — page after page of them, with only a few ads in between. "A mug shot is a couple notches below your driver's license picture," said Devin James, 41. "And everyone takes a messed-up driver's license picture." Mug shots have gained popularity online thanks to sites like The Smoking Gun, which feature embarrassingly bad arrest photos of pro athletes, musicians and Hollywood A-, B- and C-listers — among them, a wild-haired Nick Nolte, a grumpy-looking Glen Campbell and a blowzy Wynonna Judd. In JAIL, the stars are the readers' neighbors, charged with everything from drug possession to prostitution to murder. James said he got the idea nearly a decade ago after doing a three-month stint in the Orange County Jail following a loud fight with a girlfriend. He published two issues in 1999 but gave up when it didn't take off. Using $600 he earned moving furniture, James launched the paper again in December. "The timing is right for this paper now," he said. Before jail and JAIL, James' journalism experience consisted of reading the occasional magazine or newspaper. James said he distributes more than 8,000 copies weekly and struggles to keep stores stocked. The paper sells for $1 at about 175 mom-and-pop convenience stores in Orange, Seminole and Osceola counties. James delivers them himself. "We sell out of them each week," said Rafael Gil, manager of the Plaza Market in Orlando. "I had to place the paper by the cash register because customers thought it was free and were walking out the door with it." Thousands of arrests each week in the paper's three-county distribution area provide plenty of material, all obtained free from police and sheriff's departments. James carefully chooses the mug shots that go on the front page. (He has learned that attractive women on the front sell more copies.) Sue Cravens, a bail agent in Sanford who advertises in JAIL, said the paper may have helped authorities capture some suspects. Sindy Lowe, who manages a gas station that sells JAIL, said she has recognized several people in the paper. "Once I even saw my sister-in-law in there after she violated her probation," Lowe said. "I didn't even know she had been arrested." ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to my dad for sending this picture: These and some more bloomed today. The others are at Dawna.com http://dawna.com/7/4/d.html =========================================== *Seen Signs* These signs might not communicate what was hoped for. On a California freeway: Fine for Littering On the wall of a British Columbia cleaning service: Able to Do the Worst Possible Job In a New York jewellery store: Genuine Fauz Pearls In a Kansas City oculist's office: Broken lenses duplicated here In a Boston fast-food parking lot: Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only Billboard on Florida highway: If You Can't Read, We Can Help On the Triborough Bridge in New York: In Event of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge On a Lockhart, Texas, gas station and minimart: We're out of Rolaids, but we've got gas. At the basketball court in a Gastonton, North Carolina, YMCA: Anyone caught hanging from the rim will be suspended On a Rapid City store: Give That Bride a Good Case of Worms or Other Fine Bait On the door of an Ellsworth, Maine, restaurant: The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur In a Grand Rapids restaurant: Half baked chicken In a Dayton barbershop: During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here On a Jacksonville, Florida, bookstore: Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books On a library in Marlboro, New Hampshire, honouring Robert Frost: Frost Free Library ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Car rental brochure, Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Steve Re: Install XP Hello Webby, How would one install XP on a Vista machine? Would an upgrade version of XP work or must drive be formatted & a full install done? Wrere would you find the utility to format drive? It would be formatted to NTFS? Where would you find the drivers for the hardware (motherboard, modem, video, etc.) of a Vista machine? Would XP do it for you? Wanted you to know I look for your newsletter before I have my my coffee in the morning. Thank You for an excellent job, Steve Dear Steve Vista is as different as if it was a Martian Mac OS, and some people believe it is. You have to stick the XP setup CD in, shut down and boot from it, then format the drive and kill everything on it, then install XP. XP has all the drivers and stuff it needs on the install CD. Then you can guard against iIE7 slithering in by downloading and installing the currently most popular software at Microsoft: The IE7 Blocker http://snipurl.com/zyb7 Once you are protected from that, set XP for automatic updates, install your favorite virus protection, firewall and spam control programs. Then you are all set. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 6, 2007 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters A 95-year-old German woman solved a series of mystery thefts in a retirement home when she set a trap, hid in a toilet, and caught the thief red-handed. "It was a real case of Miss Marple," said a police spokesman in the eastern town of Saalfeld on Thursday. "It's good to know there are still courageous old ladies out there." The elderly sleuth left cash out in her room as bait and then withdrew to the toilet to lie in wait. A cleaner then entered and pocketed the money, unaware she was being watched. "Then the old lady hit the alarm button in the toilet and staff in the home nabbed the cleaner," the spokesman said. The cleaner, 36, later confessed to police she was responsible for other thefts from the home near the spa resort of Bad Lobenstein.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fighting Mildew with Bleach Dear Webby This is to follow up on the tip from Thrifty fun to fight mildew. A safer and better alternative than bleach is BORAX (chemical name: Sodium perborate). It can be purchased in laundry aisle of most supermarkets. The common brand is "20 Mule Team borax" Just mix the powder with water, it forms a suspension, then use that with a wet cloth. You can use a spray bottle but occasionally they spray nozzle might get clogged. But borax (imo) is safer to use than bleach and I used it last year to good effect. Nari
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Hotel catering to skiers, Austria: Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, " please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sprite Storms http://tinyurl.com/2fn39o
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Separate Licenses 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  April 18, 2007
======================================

If you want to enlarge your life, you must first enlarge
your thought of it and of yourself.
--- Orison Swett Marden

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak;
courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.
--- Winston Churchill

=======================================

Finally got a new motherboard today!
The old one died Thursday evening and I told DELL on
Friday morning that the motherboard was fried. DELL
tech support in India wasted alltogether over four hours of
my time, and today finally somebody showed up with a
new motherboard. He was a local guy and swapped out
the board in a few minutes. On Tuesday, mid-afternoon.

So much for paying for
"Next Day on-site replacement warranty!"
Well, the next machine won't be a DELL !

==========================================

At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the
instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to
give their escorts every chance to be gallant.

"Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step
around and open the door for you." she said.

Then, returning to reality she added, "But if the big oaf is
in the restaurant flirting at the waitress...
don't wait any longer."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Giving a man his physical, the doctor noticed several dark,
ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey,
soccer, or some physical sport?"

"No," he answered. "I play bridge with my wife."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Air Traffic Controller's Union Anything to make a fuss April 13, 2007 - Manchester, New Hampshire - CNN Two airliners had to circle for 18 minutes and a plane ferrying human lungs for transplant was briefly delayed Friday while an airport's lone air traffic controller took a bathroom break, the controller's union said. The union on Tuesday cited the Friday incident at the Manchester, New Hampshire, airport as evidence that air traffic control facilities are understaffed. "There should never be one person in the tower, because it's not safe," said Doug Church, spokesman for the National Air Traffic Controllers Association. "It's just added proof that the system is stretched to its limits, and these are the type of things that are happening." Federal Aviation Administration officials responded that staffing is sufficient, that the bathroom break was handled in accordance with policy, and that travelers were not endangered or unduly inconvenienced. While drawing vastly different conclusions about the significance of the event, the FAA and the union gave details that generally matched. Because the only other employee in the tower was not certified to handle takeoffs and landings, the controller notified FAA's Boston consolidated terminal radar approach control, or TRACON, that he was taking the unscheduled break. Peters said the break lasted 12 minutes, but said a few additional minutes may have lapsed as the planes were realigned to land. "It's the FAA's position that the staffing that was present at Manchester was sufficient to safely handle arrivals and departures at that time of the evening," Peters said. "He was only gone for 12 minutes, so while there may have been a slight delay in the aircraft landing, certainly the controller did what he had to do." Passengers on the aircraft were probably not informed of the reason for the delay, Church said, adding, "They'd probably be angry." During the controller's break, a Lifeguard flight pilot radioed the tower and spoke to a trainee, who was not certified to conduct controller operations. The trainee told the pilot he would have to wait 10 minutes for the controller to return. The pilot whined that he had "lungs on board," Church said. The FAA and the controllers' union have skirmished more heatedly in recent months about staffing levels at airports than they traditionally have done for decades. There was no lung transplant operation scheduled for that evening. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: Police responded to the pier shortly after 3 a.m. Sunday after callers reported an intoxicated woman had driven the car onto the end of the pier and walked off, the police incident report read. A short time later, police located the car’s owner, Alissa Edwards, 25, of 11007 Mill Creek Way, Fort Myers, wandering the area. She was questioned and released, according to police. A sheriff’s booking sheet shows Edwards had previously been arrested on one charge of driving under the influence in 2006. The charge was reduced to reckless driving, according to Lee County Clerk of Courts records. For Steve Ambers, Fort Myers city safety officer, it was no laughing matter. “It was unsafe to leave the car here, and it was unsafe to back it off the pier,” he said. “There was no engineer available to document that the pier could safely hold the vehicle so we had to use the crane.” =========================================== Having gone out for a large lunch with fellow workers, one health conscious young woman from our office was especially motivated to get to the gym after work. Our boss, who had also enjoyed a large meal, suggested that she run an extra lap for him. As she was leaving the office, she called to the boss, "Get ready to start huffing and puffing, 'cause I'll be on your lap in half an hour!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== An annoyingly self-righteous man went to the doctor for a check-up. He said, "I feel terrible. Please examine me and tell me what's wrong with me." "Let's begin with a few questions," said the doctor, "Do you drink much?" "Alcohol?" said the man. "I'm a teetotaler. Never touch a drop." "How about smoking?" asked the doctor. "Never," replied the man. "Tobacco is bad, and I have strong principles against it." "Well, uh." asked the doctor, "do you have much of a sex life?" "Oh, no," said the man. "Sex is sin. I'm in bed by 10:30 every night and I always have been." The doctor paused, looked at the man hard, and asked, "Well, do you have pains in your head?" "Yes," said the man. "I have terrible pains in my head." "O.K.," said the doctor. "That's your trouble. Your halo is on too tight!! =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie Re: Separate licenses Thanks Webby, One more thing, I have 2 separate desktop computers and a laptop. For the windows xp to be "genuine", can I install the one purchased, or do I need to purchase 3 separate ones? Again, love your newsletter! An Avid Reader and User of Tips stitichingirl Dear Bonnie Micro$oft insists that you buy a separate license for each computer. I have a hunch that the demand AND PRICE for XP will go up as more and more people learn that a Vista computer is just an XP machine, that hasn't been formatted yet, and still needs XP to be installed. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 16, 2007 - Guangzhou City, China - Ananova A dog has become famous in China for his ability to balance on the back of a bicycle. Eight-month-old Gougou balances on the carrier on the back of his owner's bike, reports Guangzhou Daily. "If he needs to pee, he taps my shoulder with his front paw. Then when I stop he runs to a secret place," says Mr Liu, of Guangzhou city. "A relative gave him to me as a puppy, and when I picked him up to go home, he jumped onto my rear carrier, and kept perfect balance." Mr Liu's daily bike ride along the Zhujiang River has since become a local spectacle, with passers-by stopping to ask questions and take pictures. "When he feels tired, he sits down on the carrier. And if we ride for a long time, the first thing he does after we get home is run for the water tap, and sit under it waiting for me to give him a bath."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fighting Mildew with Bleach Use bleach and water to clean up mildew. Put it in a spray bottle and squirt it where it is needed. We recently had a severe mildew problem on all of our walls and windows. A spray bottle with a little bit of bleach and lots of water did the trick. By Mara
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A kindergartner brings his drawings home every day. His mother is delighted to see what he's doing, of course, and hangs each one on the refrigerator. But after a while, one thing starts bothering her. The child uses only blacks and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem and not wanting it to get worse, she decides to take him to a child psychologist. The psychologist delicately goes to work. Every day, for two weeks, he gives the boy a battery of tests, but everything seems perfectly normal. Yet every day the little fellow continues to bring home drawings in only blacks and browns. Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem, the psychologist decides to give the boy some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happens. The boy opens the box of crayons and says, "Oh, wow! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes, and the only ones left in mine are black and brown." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Connie for these: Marriage Quips Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding? A: Not if you are the groom. Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony? A: Anything except 'Tied to the Whipping Post'. Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception? A: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives. Q: What is a wedding tragedy? A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money. Q: What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night? A: A last name. Q: How is marriage like a hot bath? A: Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. Q: If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose: A: Would you go to lunch or to a movie? Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves? A: Buy her a diamond ring. Q: What is the best way to annoy your wife/husband during sex? A: Call her/him on the telephone. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Penny Postcards http://tinyurl.com/o7cs3
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Works versus Excel 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  April 17, 2007
======================================

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves,
and good fortune to others.
--- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars
for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul.
--- Marilyn Monroe

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
--- Robert Benchley

=======================================

In Austin, Texas, Emergency Medical Technician answered a call at the
home of an elderly woman whose sister had collapsed. As they were
placing her in the ambulance, the lady wailed, "Oh, lawdy, lawdy. I know
what's the matter with her. She done got the same thing what killed her
brother. It's a heretical disease. It's the Smiling Mighty Jesus!"
When the technician got the sister to the county hospital, she looked
up the brother's medical records to find that he had died of -- spinal
meningitis.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A man went to see his eye doctor, who told him he had a case of
myopera and that he and would have to wear contract lenses.
That's a lot better than his friend, who had had a cadillac removed.

Still, when he worked at his computer, he would have to watch
out for harbor tunnel syndrome. He worried that his authoritis of
the joints might be a signal of Old Timer's disease and fretted
that a genital heart defect was causing trouble with his duodemon.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rachel Bell, 17, of Woodstone Village, County Durham, UK Big party April 13, 2007 - Woodstone Village, County Durham, UK - Ananova A girl's party was advertised on MySpace and hundreds of gatecrashers wrecked her family home causing $40,000 damage. Rachel Bell, 17, planned a bash for 40 friends when her mum went away for the night, reports The Sun. But more than 200 turned up after an invitation was placed on MySpace website under the heading "lets all trash the average family-sized house disco party". The ad promised a bash as wild as those on Channel 4 show Skins. Revellers came from as far as London, 300 miles away. Rachel has stayed with a pal since Monday's party and is "too scared" to return to the £230,000 four-bed detached home in Woodstone Village, Co Durham. Rachel later told her parents she organised a party for just 40 pals - but someone else put the invitation on the net. A neighbour, said: "There were so many people they couldn't all fit in the house. "Police tried to disperse them but they ran off into the woods. At one stage me and three blokes with golf clubs tried to keep kids away from the house. It was absolute bedlam." The family has been staying in emergency accommodation because their home is unfit for habitation. A spokesman for Durham Police who sent a convoy of cars and a dog unit to the party said the trouble was difficult to contain as the guests were invited to the house. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to all who sent this picture: =========================================== In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A census taker knocked on a lady's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly." he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are." she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he wrote on his form. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Walt Re: Excel versus Works Dear Webby I have 2 computers. one with MS Works (Spreadsheet) and one with Excel. Is the any way to transfer the files across systems so I can work on the same spreadsheet on either system. ie: XLR to XLS convert then reconvert XLS to XLR. I thought i had seen a procedure to accomplish this.. Thanks as always, Walt D Dear Walt Excel opens Works files, but I doubt that you can save them as Works files afterward. Most likely not, since both are Microsoft products and therefore probably not compatible. Works is a clone of the Tandy Deskmate, Excel is a clone of Borland's Quattro. They have totally different roots. The group that cloned Quattro and saved it as Excel, apparently didn't know that Works also had a spreadsheet in it, and made no attempt to become compatible with it. Excel is compatible with Quattro, since it's more or less just a re-decorated Quattro anyway. I would recommend that you go to ebay and buy an older version of Corell Office. You can usually get a version 8, 9, 10, or 11 for $10 - $15. Each of them has Quattro in it, and NO greedy copy protection. You can put it on as many machines as you want. Then pick up your Works files with Excel and save them as Excel files. Finally, pick those up with Quattro. Quattro can save them as either Quattro files or as Excel files. However, the biggest advantage is that with Quattro you can work across your home network. Theoretically you could do that with Excel too, but if you try that, be ready for unpleasant unpredictability. With Quattro I reach across the network to my secretary's machine and open Quattro spreadsheet files there to look up stuff, or to leave notes or data for her. It's quite civilized! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 9, 2007 - Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia - AP A man in eastern Malaysia saved about 100 people from being swallowed by a sinkhole when he felt the earth move while walking to an open-air toilet in the dark, a news report said Saturday. Renjis Empati immediately ran back to the village where he screamed to alert the others living in a traditional indigenous ''longhouse'' in Sarawak state on Borneo island, the New Straits Times said. ''I could feel the earth trembling, and I saw the longhouse collapse into the sinkhole,'' the paper quoted Renjis as saying. The incident happened just after midnight Friday, the paper said. ''If not for him, most of us would be dead by now,'' villager Lada Rentap said, according to the Times. Several said they lost all their possessions, including ancestral items passed down to them. A number of indigenous tribes in Sarawak state live in ''longhouses,'' where an entire community lives under a single structure.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Change and Dollar Bills My husband and I have always saved our change, but recently we have started saving our one dollar bills as well. At the end of each day, we put all of our ones in a little bank, and on Saturday, we deposit what we have into our savings account. It adds up quickly! By Carol
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?" Mathematician: "Never." Physicist: "In an infinite amount of time." Engineer: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The cowboy was trying to buy an insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never." "That's hard to believe. Nothing ever happened to you at all?" "Well, rattler bit me one time." "Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Hell no. Dang varmint bit me on purpose." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Peruvian http://tinyurl.com/2v94dh
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Vista and printers 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  April 16, 2007
======================================

Nothing happens until something moves
--- Einstein

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. 
Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've 
gotten lost." 
--- Cesare di Bonesana Beccaria

=======================================

The Japanese eat very little fat, and suffer fewer heart 
attacks than the British or Americans.  On the other hand, 
the French eat a lot of fat, and also suffer fewer heart 
attacks than the British or Americans. 

The Japanese drink very little red wine, and suffer fewer 
heart attacks than the British or Americans.  
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine, 
and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or 
Americans. 

Conclusion: 
Eat and drink what you like.  
It's speaking English that kills you. 

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to MaryAnn for this story:
Signs warning of closed roadways are frequently ignored in   
rural Minnesota, so highway workers barely took notice when   
a woman drove past their sign and over the hill to the   
trench they had dug in the middle of the road. The workers   
explained the detour route to town, and she went on her way.   

They were surprised, however, to see the same woman coming   
toward them from town a couple of hours later. "Oh," she   
said distractedly as she again pulled up next to the trench   
crew. "Is it closed in this direction too?"   

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a robber in Altamonte Springs in Florida. April 13, 2007 - Altamonte Springs, Florida - AP A robbery caught on tape captured a thief calling 911 during his own crime. The armed man was robbing a Kangaroo Express when the clerk started having a heart attack. The robber apparently got so scared, he called 911 and even apologized. The stress of being held up was just too much for 60-year-old Mary Parker. She had heart problems to begin with. When she started hyperventilating and panicking and pleading with the gunman to help her, he did. "I have heart trouble. Help me," the clerk, Mary Parker, can be heard saying on the surveillance video. "I'm sorry, ma'am," the gunman replied. "I have heart trouble," Parker told him. "Ma'am, it's gonna be alright," the gunman said. "I'm probably gonna have a heart attack," Parker said. "Oh my, ma'am, please do not have a heart attack. Please do not have a heart attack. Please don't, ma'am," he said. It was a horrifying ten minutes early Saturday morning for Kangaroo Express clerk Mary Parker. She went into cardiac distress after the masked robber pointed what looked like a semi-automatic handgun at her and ordered her to empty the register and open the safe. The robber helped her call 911 and, once she got through, he kept looking for his loot. Regular customer Gary Knight came in and tried to help Mary, until the gunman ordered him into the beverage cooler. Once the gunman realized he was not going to get into the safe, he left, apologizing again. "You have a good day. I'm sorry this had to happen. I'm sorry. God!" he said. Parker is going to be okay. Meanwhile, the robber got away with $30 and cigarettes. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Rumor has it that more pictures are taken outside the Clay & Glass Gallery than inside. =========================================== A couple was going out for the evening. They were both ready to go, nice clothes, hair done, perfume, cologne, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat shot back into the house. Not wanting their often rowdy cat to have free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase the cat out. Well, the wife did not want anyone to know the house would be empty for the evening, so she explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab and said, "Sorry I took so long. The stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a mop to get her to come out." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== "The Related Sale" was the subject of a pep talk given recently by the manager of a certain super-drug store. "For instance, if a customer wants razor blades," he told employees, "ask him how he's fixed for shaving cream and after-shave lotion. That way you can turn a small sale into a bigger one and make more commission." The youngest clerk was very impressed with the talk and was eager to try the technique on his very next customer. This turned out to be a rather embarrassed gentleman who shyly requested a box of Kotex for his wife. Ten minutes later, the manager of the store was amazed to see The customer staggering out loaded down with assorted fishing equipment, tackle, nets, boots and a one-man inflatable life raft. "What happened?!" The manager gasped, and the clerk modestly attributed his success to "The Related Sale." "Related Sale!" Exclaimed the manager. "But all he wanted was a box of Kotex." "I know," said the clerk. "So I said, 'Look, mister, there isn't going to be much doing around your house this weekend. Why don't you take a fishing trip?'" =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tom Re: Vista and printers Dear Webby You wrote: "and most of your accesories like printers, scanners, cameras, etc. don't have drivers for it. Most software needs to be patched or adjusted to cope with Vista." I might add, don't expect any help from Microsoft or the various vendors. I have two Lexmark Printers which are not supported by Vista and, according to Lexmark, probably won't get the necessary drivers for several months. In essence, I now have two working printers which have been rendered useless under Vista. My new computer has Vista Home Premium but, if I can find a "cheap" copy of XP I will remove Vista and go back to XP. tom :---) Dear Tom Pricegrabber lists XP from $64 and up: Windos XP retail If you are in a hurry, Staples has it for around $120, which is still a LOT cheaper than two printers that will work in spite of Vista and will do the same job as your current printers do. Look at the bright side! Your computer probably was worth $500 more than you paid for it, but was subsizided to flog Vista. Just consider the $70 for XP a necessary upgrade, and you are still $430 ahead. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 13, 2007 - Shelbyville, Indiana - AP Edna Parker is celebrating her birthday a little early -- her 114th birthday. The central Indiana woman actually turns 114 April 20, but she was honored Wednesday at the nursing home where she lives. Parker is the oldest person in the United States. She has five grandchildren, 11 great-grandchildren and many great-great grandchildren. On her last birthday she was asked about the biggest difference between today and a century ago. She said that back in the day, people were more friendly and worked together.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Your Bulbs If you have different varieties and colors of flowering bulbs, make stakes out of popsicle sticks and write the color and type on the stake. It is always harder to remember the type and color after they finish blooming. This is helpful when you dig bulbs up in the fall.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
What is the one thing that all women at singles bars have in common? They're all married and they all have a white, untanned line on their ring finger. . =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== George, a career Army officer I once met, was jumpmaster for his unit and was taking up a few novices for a drop. The flight was pretty rough, and, after a while, George called off the jump because of high winds. As the plane headed back to base, and the pilot pulled off an unusually smooth landing, two of the recruits got airsick. "How come you could take that rough flight, but you couldn't handle the smooth landing?" asked George. "Well, Sir," one trainee explained, "we've always jumped out of planes. We've never actually landed before." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Space Wander http://www.spacewander.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Vista Bashing 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  April 15, 2007
======================================

"Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever." 
--- Lance Armstrong

"I am not where I need to be, but thank God 
I am not where I used to be"
--- Joyce Myers 

=======================================

The day I got married was really embarrassing. When 
the minister said, "If anyone present doesn't agree with 
this marriage; come forward and speak now, or forever 
hold your peace", I turned around and noticed her family 
had formed a double line. And they had shotguns!

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

One evening at story time, a little girl asked her father, 
"Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with 'Once Upon A Time'?" 

"No, Honey," he replied, "there's a whole series of 
Fairy Tales that being with, 'If Elected I Promise' . . . " 

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an eat-and-run crook in Bloomington, Indiana He'll get free meals now! March 30, 2007 - Bloomington, Indiana - AP A scofflaw who came to be known as the gin and tonic bandit went to the same restaurant each Wednesday, ordered two drinks and a rib-eye steak, then skipped out on his $25.96 bill. His dining, drinking and dashing days may be over. Police arrested the man on preliminary charges of theft and resisting law enforcement. He was being held early Friday at the Monroe County Jail on $2,000 bond, authorities said. Each Wednesday night for four weeks running, the same man came into the same O'Charley's restaurant and ordered the two drinks and the steak, restaurant manager Teresa Tolbert told police. At the end of each meal, the wait staff would present him with his bill for $25.96, and he would excuse himself to use the restroom, then skip out without paying. The man appeared a fifth time Wednesday night, but the restaurant was ready for him, police said. When his server presented the bill, he again claimed he needed to use the bathroom. But when he walked out of the restaurant, four employees were waiting for him. They confronted him about the unpaid bill, which he offered to pay with a check, police said. After Tolbert told him the restaurant didn't accept checks, the man "got nervous and ran," according to the police report. Officer Randy Gehlhausen caught up with the man as he was trying to open his car door. The diner struggled with Gehlhausen, who wrestled him to the ground and handcuffed him. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to martin for this picture: =========================================== What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Once I did system support in a law firm. One day, I had to log a user off and then back on. I entered her initials and then I asked her for her password. Her password was "genius". After three tries and the system telling me "access denied," I asked her how to spell it. She said, "G - E - N - I - O - U - S." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Belinda Re: Badmouthing Vista? Dear Webby Why are you badmouthing Vista so much? I found out the hard way, that I should have listened to you about MSIE7, and managed to crawl back to IE6, All I see on TV is about Vista being so much better and more secure, and how many they sold. Are you just an old fuddy-duddy, afraid of change? Belinda Dear Belinda Well this old goat warned you about IE7 for good reason. It was released before it was ready, and it's one of those versions that are better skipped. I'm sure IE8 will be OK again. The same applies to Vista. It is too slow and resource hungry for today's machines, and most of your accesories like printers, scanners, cameras, etc. don't have drivers for it. Most software needs to be patched or adjusted to cope with Vista. Often it's nothing serious, just a nuisance. For example with MailWasher, Microsoft had promised that Vista would allow it to continue storing the friends and black list in the application directory, but in the final version of Vista, they forgot about their promise and blocked that. MailWasher is nimble enough to cope with that, but you have to mess around and tell it to park that stuff elsewhere. It's pretty well the same with most other software too. You have to waste time coping with Vista's peculiarities. The quoted "Sales" figures seem to include the tax deductible donations of millions of licenses to under- developed countries, because you sure don't hear of many happy or even unhappy users hereabouts. Friendly help and advice will be scarce for quite some time. Unless you like bragging about being a masochist, my advice is to skip Vista, or at least the current version of it, and stick with XP until something better comes along. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 11, 2007 - Wolverhampton, UK - The Sun A cat has spent the past three months jumping on a bus and riding it two stops down the road before leaping off near a fish and chip shop. The cat, which jumps on the no 331 service in Wolverhampton, has stunned bus drivers who have since nicknamed it Macavity after the secret cat in a T.S. Eliot poem. Driver Bill Khunkhun, 49, said Macavity caught the bus three times a week and always got on and off at the same spot along the busy route. “As soon as I open the doors he jumps on. He seems to like it,” he said. Passenger Paul Brennan, 19, said Macavity sat at the front of the bus and waited patiently for the right stop. “It was quite strange at first but now seems normal. He is the perfect passenger. The only problem is he never pays,” Mr Brennan said. Travel West Midlands, which operates the service, said: “The cat certainly knows how to use buses and is a regular traveller on the 311.”
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No Till Veggies Here's what my Daddy did when he planted potatoes. He dug a lil furrow and planted potatoes and covered them ever so lightly with dirt. Then he covered that with a little hay. Then as the plants grew, he covered with more hay. He kept doing that until plants were waist high. Then when potaoes were ready to harvest, he would just turn back the hay and there were the potaoes. No digging.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says,"Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one in the middle." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Hi Webby, I've worn red on Fridays since I first heard of it. I have nephews in Iraq. I supprt them in any way I can. Thanks for reminding others! Also thank you for all the tips and laughs. Unfortunately, we have a tendancy to take people for granted and don't verbalize our appreciation as often as we should. I do vote daily to show my appreciation! Thanks again, Jessie ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Start of barbecue season http://tinyurl.com/35w2zo
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Filters for forged address spam 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  April 14, 2007
======================================

I'm still on the laptop. As expected, DELL's tech support
crew in India desperately tried to blame the motherboard
failure on Windows and wasted a lot of my time. They
even wanted me to wipe the drive and re-install Windows!
I proved them wrong by swapping the hard drive with an
identical one from my secretary's machine, but by then
the day didn't count any more for "Next Day on-site 
replacement, and even though weekends are "business
days" for their sales department, they don't count when
it comes to warranty work. It will probably be Tuesday
when I finally get a working motherboard. 

That is still faster than ordering a new machine. They drag
that out to 7days or more between the time I place an
order and the time a machine actually arrives.

I did look at their site, though, to see what they offer 
these days. 

That was a nasty surprise!

No matter how noisily they lie about listening to customers,
they are doing the exact opposite. Nobody in their right
mind wants a Vista machine, because Vista doesn't work
with most printers, scanners, cameras and other accessories,
and is unacceptably slow.
"Cutesy nuisance" is probably the kindest description of it.
Yet DELL offers just Vista macines except for one lone, 
grossly overpriced XP unit. All the rest are heavily 
subsidized Vista machines. 

Let's hope their snotty arrogance paints them into a corner!
There is definitely a big opening for a competitor who 
actually DOES listen to what people want.

In the meantime, if you need a new computer, the best 
strategy is to buy one of those cheap, subsidized Vista
machines, format it and put XP on it. Since Vista machines
have to be much more powerful and a lot faster to be able
to run Vista even slowly, they are real speed demons
with XP.

All the NorthAmerican and some Chinese techs, that I have 
talked to, plan to skip Vista, just like they skipped DOS4 
and Netscape 4.

I hope you realize the significance of that! 

That means your local computer fixers won't have any 
experience or interest in helping you with Vista.

Hang on to your XP install CD's 
or buy a spare while you can!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

=======================================

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants
to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests 
a faithful dog.

The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"

The owner says, "How about a cat?"

The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do 
everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"

The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, 
"I've got it! A centipede!"

The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a 
centipede doing everything, but okay. I'll try a centipede."

He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, 
"Clean the kitchen."

Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's 
immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been 
washed, dried, and put away; the countertops cleaned; 
the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely 
amazed.

He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."

Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. 
The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned 
and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; and the 
plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the
most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet 
that can do everything!"

Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner 
and get me a newspaper."

The centipede walks out the door. Ten minutes later, no 
centipede. Twenty minutes later, no centipede. Thirty 
minutes later, no centipede.

By this point, the man is wondering what's going on. 
So he goes to the front door, opens it, and there's the 
centipede sitting right outside.

The man says, "Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 
45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!"

The centipede says, "I'm going! I'm going! I'm just putting 
on my shoes!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

There once was a drunk man who decided to visit
Texas.

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and
said, "Wow,  these seats are big!" The person next to
him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to
visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a
beer and got a mug placed between his hands.

He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The
bartender replied, "Everything is big  in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the drunk asked the
bartender where the bathroom was located. The
bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The
drunk man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally
tripped over and skipped  the second door. Instead, he
entered the third door, which lead to the  swimming
pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to
death, the drunk man started shouting, "Don't flush,
PLEASE, don't flush!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Natwest bank in Pinner, Middlesex, UK Just bank keys, no big deal April 13, 2007 - Pinner, Middlesex, UK - Ananova A cleaner left the keys to a bank's front door sitting on top of a cashpoint. Staff at the Natwest didn't even thank the honest passer-by who found them and returned them safely the following morning, reports the Daily Mirror. Paul Andrews, 58, couldn't believe his eyes when he spotted the keys while out walking near his home in Pinner, Middlesex. He said: "I tried them in the door and theyt worked, so I locked up, put them in my pocket and went home. It's ridiculous. "They spend loads making sure everything is locked and then someone leaves the keys outside. I'm pleased I haven't got an account with them." Paul rang the police, but two officers who turned up said: "You could open up for them and hand the keys back personally." However, Paul said embarrassed staff were far from appreciative the next morning. Branch manager Kay Patel said: "They're the cleaner's keys. If anyone had gone in the alarm would've gone off. Security would be here in an instant." But Paul hit back: "I rang the emergency number on the door and left a message but nobody got back to me. I did a good thing and instead of thanking me they were defensive. That annoyed me." ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== =========================================== A State Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantelpiece," he decides, and takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi right now!" POOF! He gets his Pepsi and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside." POOF! Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and last wish: "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." POOF! He's back in his government office. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Forged address Dear Webby I get all kinds of mail that has my address forged into the sender address. Since I DO send mail to myself as a fast way to record and file notes, I can't block my own address and spam gets through the same way. How do I filter forged addresses? Alex Dear Alex You will notice that spammers usually use some name other than yours, just your address. Put your name into the sender name field. All email programs have a way of doing that, even OE. Then make a filter that IF the Sender address contains alex234@domain.com AND the sender address does NOT contain "Alex P" then dump the mail automatically, don't even list it. If your address has been assigned and contains your entire first and lat name, then make the sender name slightly different, for example by adding a middle initial. If the incoming mail does not have the initial, it gets dumped. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 11, 2007 - Indianapolis, Indiana - AP A runaway horse pulled a carriage with two out-of-town tourists on a wild ride through downtown streets, until a teenager rode to the rescue in a pursuing taxi, leaped out and grabbed the horse's reins. The driver of the Yellow Rose Carriage was thrown from her seat when a van crashed into the buggy Sunday afternoon. ''The carriage driver lady just flew off the carriage,'' said William Basler, 19. Basler ran after the carriage to try to stop it. A taxi driver saw what was happening, slowed and told Basler to jump in. The cab chased and passed the carriage, and Basler jumped out, grabbed the reins and stopped the horse. ''It was just instinct,'' Basler said. ''I was just worried about the people inside of it.'' He needed instinct, since he said his only experience with horses was riding one once when he was 15. Police said carriage driver Kathleen Moriarty, 53, was briefly knocked unconscious but was not seriously hurt. The passengers complained of some pain and were examined at a hospital, said police Sgt. Matthew Mount. The horse was not injured. Police said the van driver, Timothy D. Carlson, 46, of Indianapolis, faces several preliminary charges including felony possession of a controlled substance, misdemeanor counts of driving under the influence, public intoxication and operating a vehicle without a license.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cable baggies Better yet than cable ties are cable baggies, especially when the time comes for the annual dusting. Or is that biannual? I fold all the slack cables into tight bundles, stuff those into a sandwich baggie (the cheap old-over type that you sometimes pick up by accident), and secure them with a rubber band, if I can find one, or else with electrical tape. The combination of plastic and static from the computer seems to repel dust and the baggies remain clean for ages. ---From Richard Talking about dust..... Remember to vacuum out the computer at least once a year! The side cover comes off easy, but get ready for a real shock when you look inside and see a dust bunny orgy in full swing! Especially if the computer sits on the floor, it sucks in all the floating dust and fluff and mysterious stuff. Naturally that impedes the cooling and ages the components a lot faster than proper cooling would. That's why they put the main air intake near the bottom in the front. Any vacuum will do, a furniture crevice tool will help but isn't really necessary. Just vacuum out the dust bunnies and thoroughly clean the heatsink fins that cool the CPU. Usually the space between the decorative and totally idiotic and totally unnecessary plastic front cover looks even scarier. Try to get the worst out with a crevice tool before you pop it off, or it's going to be very messy. To pop that plastic front off, push the springy plastic tabs that you see sticking into the actual computer towards the middle and forward. That releases one side and you can easily remove it. Have FUN DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
In Social Studies class the teacher was talking about peoples last names, about how in the old days their last name used to be their occupation. She gave examples like Baker, which meant they where a baker for a living, Miller meant that person worked in a flouer mill, and so on. A little boy raised his hand and the teacher said "Do you have an example for the class?" He said " Not really, Miss Hancock, more of a question." "Well what's your question?" the teacher asked. "Well,Miss Hancock," said the little boy, "What did YOUR ancestors do for a living?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== I was wearing a red shirt yesterday, to show my support for the troops, but with all the computer hassle, I forgot to remind you. I am curious to find out how many are actually participating and rememberd on your own? Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Mails with no address 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  April 13, 2007
======================================

Friday, the 13th !
Remember, it's bad luck to be superstitious!

Well, my desktop computer seems to be a bit overly
superstitious and died at 8:30 PM on the 12th.
It seems the Motherboard died of old age. So I am typing
this on the laptop, and realize how ancient it is.
It still works, though, and that's all that counts right
now.     .

=======================================

Thanks to Ross for this report:
European Union on Higher Alert
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated"
or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the 
blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been 
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time 
the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the 
great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its 
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in 
France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by 
a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively 
paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of 
alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and 
Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." 
They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only 
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
 
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed boats have glass bottoms so
the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish
navy.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A family who had just moved into a new neighborhood was 
anxious to make a good impression.

But the neighbors seemed cold and made no overtures of 
welcome.  The mother of the brood was overjoyed when finally 
her youngest son ran in and announced happily, 
"Mommy, the lady down the street asked my name today!"

"Oh, how nice!" exclaimed the mother enthusiastically.

"And then what did she do?"

"Then she gave it to the policeman." the boy said.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lawrence Roach, 48, from Clearwater, Florida Alimony March 28, 2007 - Clearwater, Florida - AP A woman's sex change operation does not free her ex-husband from his alimony obligation, a judge said Wednesday. Attorneys for Lawrence Roach, 48, had argued his 55-year-old ex-wife's decision to switch genders and change her name from Julia to Julio Roberto Silverwolf voided their 2004 divorce agreement. "It's illegal for a man to marry a man and it should likewise be illegal for a man to pay alimony to a man," said John McGuire, one of Roach's attorneys. Circuit Judge Jack R. St. Arnold, however, ruled that in the eyes of the law, nothing changed significantly enough to free Roach from his $1,250-a-month obligation. The judge said since Florida courts have ruled sex-change surgery cannot legally change a person's birth gender, Roach technically is not paying alimony to a man. Gender definitions are "a question that raises issues of public policy that should be addressed by the Legislature, not the Florida courts," St. Arnold wrote. Silverwolf's lawyer, Gregory Nevins, said the language of the divorce decree is clear - Roach agreed to pay alimony until his ex-wife dies or remarries. Nevins said he and his client were pleased with the ruling although they disagree with Florida's refusal to legally recognize gender reassignment surgery. Roach, a utility worker who has since remarried, said he will press his fight to end the payments. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== =========================================== A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied, "That's true, but, of course, the answers are completely different every year." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free news- papers for his customers. As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost of the papers." "Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties clothes more than newsprint." =========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: Susp Email Dear Webby What's the story with all these supposed alerts in the mail about McAfee having detected suspect email and no address in the TO field? Bill Dear Bill That's just a virus sent from infected machines. If you use Mailwasher, it will recognize them an mark them as KNOWN. However, so that they don't even show in the list of mails, I made a filter that deletes them automatically, unseen. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Police seize horse Bulgarian police have confiscated a horse after it was used to transport stolen wood. Rushud Saliev, 42, from the town of Karnobat, says his wife has left him over the incident. Police said the legislation was normally applied to vehicles used to commit a crime but argued at court that the one horse power cart used by Saliev also came under the same rules, and the court agreed. Saliev, meanwhile, has sent an open letter to Bulgaria's Agriculture Minister, Nihat Kabil, asking for his horse back. He wrote: "My wife was furious when I lost the horse, and has said she will leave me unless I get it back. I can't live without my wife, but she doesn't want me without the horse."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Velcro cable ties Before discarding worn out clothing or footwear that has velcro closures, remove the velcro. Glue or sew the pairs with their back sides together and cut them into 4 - 6" long strips. They make perfect cable ties to tame the cable salad behind your computer.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh my! Am I driving?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Geography" target="_blank" >http://www.lizardpoint.com/fun/geoquiz/ ... http://www.lizardpoint.com/fun/geoquiz/index.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Find a spammer's ISP 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  April 12, 2007
======================================

Friends,
Listening to the weather across the country (my wife) Dolores
explained it to me.
"Did you ever notice that every time the doomsayers have a
global warming warning event, that the weather freezes up?
I think it's God's way of telling Al Gore
that `HE' is still in control."
Best,
Jerry

=======================================

Thanks to Cookie forthis report from the Vatican:

The Pope was finishing his sermon. He ended it with the
Latin phrase,
"Tuti homini" - "Blessed be mankind."

A women's rights group approached the pope the next day.
They noticed that the pope had blessed all of mankind, but
not womankind.

So the next day, after his sermon, the pope concluded by
saying, "Tuti homini, et tuti femini" - Blessed be mankind
and womankind.

The next day, a gay-rights group approached the pope.
They said that they noticed that he had blessed mankind
and womankind, and asked if he could also bless those
who are gay.

The pope said, "Sure."

The next day, the pope concluded his sermon with,
"Tuti homini, et tuti femini, et tuti fruiti."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has
gone all out.  She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown.
Just before the party starts,  two bums show up looking for
a handout.

Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they
can get a meal if  they will chop some wood out back.

Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house.
Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children
having a wonderful time.

But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown
calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably
not make the party at all.

The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries
to entertain the  children herself.

She happens to look out the window and sees one of the
bums doing  cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in
awe as he swings from tree branches,  does midair flips,
and leaps high in the air.

She speaks to the other bum and says, "What your friend is
doing is  absolutely marvellous.  I have never seen such a
thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating
this performance for the children at the party?
I would pay him $50!"

The bum replies, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him.

"HEY Neil! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Helen Rush in Alhaurin, Andalucia, Spain When in Rome, do as the Romans do. April 7, 2007 - Alhaurin, Andalucia, Spain - The Sun A British shopkeeper in Spain has been fined for selling jars of pickled onions with an English label - even though most of her customers are all Brits. Food inspectors spotted the £1.20 jar among hundreds of correctly labelled items in Helen Rush's store, reports The Sun. A local law says ingredients must be translated into Spanish - but Helen branded her treatment unfair. She said: "I spend hours translating the labels but when I make one small mistake I get hammered for it. "It's irrelevant to them that 99.9% of my clients are Brits and a Spaniard wouldn't eat a pickled onion at gunpoint." Helen, 45, who has run Brit Essentials in Alhaurin, Andalucia, for six years, was fined £1,350. She pointed out that EU law says labels must be in the consumers' language. The mum of two, from Yorkshire, said: "I'm worried they'll make me shut if I don't pay." -------------------------- That's not just a local law. That law is used everywhere, and has been in effect hundreds of years. Actualy, the laws state that labels have to be in all the the official languages of the country in which the goods are retailed. No amount of whining will change that. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== The skier's love the exceptionally late snow and are glad that they got fresh snow in April instead of Global Whining. Because all the people who expected a short winter, have long gone back to work, the usually crowded slopes are near empty. =========================================== Judi's car wasn't the most reliable in the world and she called Bob whenever it broke down and she needed a ride. One day Bob got such a call. "What happened this time?" he asked. "My brakes went out. Can you come and get me?" "Sure. Where are you?" "I'm in the drugstore?" "Where's the car at?" "In here with me." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Morris had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week's vacation in France. "I wish we'd brought the refrigerator with us," said Morris. "What on earth for?" asked the wife. "I've left our airline tickets on it." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: Tracking ISP Good afternoon Webby. I'm in need of your help again. The following is 'headers' from an email. Some of it I've tracked, but not sure if it's what I need for information or not. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance. Have a great day, Chris Dear Chris Just paste the header to Spamcop.net They will analyze it and show you where it really came from and what is possibly forged. If you have MailWasher, you can do that by ticking a checkmark into the Spamcop column. Spamcop then mails you a pick-up notice that links to a web page, that has the full analysis for that email. You then have a choice to cancel or to click REPORT, in which case they will send an official complaint to the ISP of the sender. Spamcop is has improved tremendously over the years and is quite civilized these days. If you don't have MailWasher yet, you can get it from http://webby.com/mailwasher (If you get it via that link, they will pay me the equivalent of a cup of coffee!) Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 9, 2007 - USA - Happy News Thanksgiving is a time for people to give thanks and spend time with their friends and family. However, for Lisa and Chris Woodard this past Thanksgiving got off to a rough start. As they were making preparations for their expected guests, Chris strolled into the garage to straighten up things when he noticed something had vanished —his favorite ride— his Ducati motorcycle. "We were in total disbelief," said Lisa. "I was literally basting the turkey while I spoke to the police officer who came to our house." To make matters worse, Chris only had liability insurance on his $12,000 motorcycle and it was the families "second car." Although, Chris didn't live far from work, not having the bike around caused the family some hassle, as Lisa, along with her three children, would sometimes drive her husband to work. Then pick him up at the end of the day. These inconveniences continued for more than 11 weeks. And then suddenly, the bike was returned to them after a person from a different neighborhood called Crime Stoppers to report a possible stolen motorcycle. The police investigated and discovered the bike was stolen and then arrested the "owner" of the bike. However, the person arrested was not the person who stole the bike. An 18-year old named William was the one who swiped the bike from the Woodard's garage and gave it to the "owner" to pay off a business-related debt he owed from a car detailing service. In another surprising twist, the Woodards heard a knock on their door one evening at 9:00. Chris went to the door and asked who it was and the response was stunning. "It is someone who wants to apologize for what happened a few months ago," Lisa reported William as saying. Eventually after making sure that William was unarmed Chris got on a jacket and went outside in the chilly, 30-degree night to speak to the teenager. After a few minutes and noticing that William was cold from not wearing a jacket, Chris invited him into the garage, the place where the bike was stolen from, to stay warm. During their discussions Chris found out that William was on drugs that night when he stole the bike and has been battling drug addiction for a while. "Chris was encouraging and counseling the kid," said Lisa. "Chris took it as a miraculous opportunity and talked to William from personnel experience, since my husband was once a hoodlum." Chris explained the dangers of using and dealing drugs and how William could be doing better things with his life. "He told William if he gets off drugs he could do something really great with his life," said Lisa. "We are blown away by all of this since we never even had a faint glimmer of hope of ever seeing the motorcycle again. But to have the kid come over and say he was sorry — that is a happy ending to this story."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Less Fabric Softener When using fabric softener in the wash, I use a fraction of the amount suggested on the packaging and add water to make up the difference. The wash comes out just as soft and nicely scented. No one will ever know the difference. By Kelly Thanks to Jackie for sending her meatloaf cake recipe and instructions. I put it into a separate page at Meatloaf Cake Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Jill and John boarded a crowded subway car on their way home to Brooklyn. Standing next to them was a man who'd clearly had a liquid lunch. When the doors opened at the next station, the man tumbled out and landed flat on his back. John rushed to his side, picked him up, and hauled him back into the car. As the train was pulling away, the man mumbled to Jill and John, "That wasch my schtop. I alwaysch fall out there!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Maple Syrup http://www.vtliving.com/maple/history.shtml
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Clipboard nuisance 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  April 11, 2007
======================================

 "If you see yourself as prosperous, you will be. If you see
yourself as continually destitute,
that is exactly what you will be."
— Robert Collier

"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains,
because the average man can see better than he can think."
--- Socratex

=======================================

The bathroom scale manufacturer was very proud of the new
model being introduced at the trade fair. "Listen to these
features: it's calibrated to one-one-hundredth of a pound; it
can measure your height as well, in feet or meters; it gives
you a readout via an LED or human-voice simulator; and
that's not all..."

"Very impressive," interrupted a none-too-slender sales rep
for a chain of home furnishings stores, "but before I place an
order I'll have to try it out."

"Be my guest," said the manufacturer graciously.

No sooner had the sales rep taken his place on the scale
than a loud, very human-sounding voice issued forth:
"One at a time, please, one at a time!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Joe for this story:
I made the decision to finally do something about the 600
pounds I'm carrying on my 5'4" frame.  So, I headed down to
the local sports shoe store and was just amazed at the
tremendous selection of different shoes.  Flat arch, high
arch, over-pronator, neutral-pronator, under-pronator . . . my
God!

I finally selected a pair and, as I was trying 'em on, I asked
June, "What's this little pocket thing on the side for?"

She said, "Oh, that's to carry spare change for the payphone,
so that you can call me when you've jogged too far to walk
back from."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Ernest Doohoo, 25, of Medicine Hat, Alberta Cooked! March 29, 2007 - Medicine Hat, Alberta, Canada - Canadian Press It must have been quite an argument, anyway you slice it. RCMP say several males were intoxicated at a lodge in the area last Sunday when two of them started a verbal spat over who was a better cook. One left but returned with several friends, who allegedly kicked and punched at the second male's door and damaged his vehicle. David Ernest Doohoo, 25, of Medicine Hat, Alta., will see what's cooking in provincial court when he appears on mischief and disturbance charges May 1. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: Michigan Spring Break: No Global Warming this year! =========================================== Wendy tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to Paul her good friend. Paul told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied Wendy, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said Paul. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, Wendy made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Paul asked Wendy, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied Wendy, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Groan Alert! Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at all her bean soup made her the talk of New England society. At a party celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles Street restaurant, an old matron approached Mrs. O'Malley and said, "My dear girl, what is the secret of your soup?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is that I use but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it." The woman asked, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it too farty." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joyce Re: Clipboard nuisance Dear Webby, Lately when I try to answer surveys I get this annoying box that askes"Do you want to allow this page to paste information from your clipboard? It won't allow me to close this box. Can you tell me how to correct this problem? Thanks! Joyce Dear Joyce I finally realized what your problem is. Your machine is infected with MSIE7 ! I won't let that program any closer than 10 feet of my machine, so I don't know if there IS a way to turn that off safely and without dumping too much of your security. However, you can always revert to good old MSIE6. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 3, 2007 - Little Rock, Arkansas - AP An Arkansas company has developed a new, fast method to test food for pathogens such as E. coli and salmonella that are the most common causes of food-borne illnesses. The process developed by Little Rock-based Litmus LLC can provide results in about 15 minutes instead of the standard two or three days, according to an executive of the company. The company worked with the USDA's National Center for Toxicological Research at White Hall for two years to develop the Rapid-B test for growers, producers and processors to test food for the bacteria that could cause food-related illnesses. Ted Moskal, president of Litmus-Rapid-B, a subsidiary of Litmus and the commercial partner for the NCTR, said the standard testing methods for food-borne pathogens are a two-step process. A culture is grown from the food sample and then sent to a laboratory where it is assessed by experts. ''About 48 hours later the results are sent back, and that does not include the time it takes for transportation of the samples,'' Moskal said. That time frame can be a significant delay for perishable products like meats and fresh produce. Rapid-B, however, bypasses the standard culture-growing processes and can identify individual bacteria in about 15 minutes. Moskal said the products are swabbed with a collection tool, then mixed with agents that reveal the types of pathogens present. The instruments involved do not require a laboratory environment, he said. ''We count the individual bacteria,'' Moskal said. ''It's very specific. The biggest thing is that we have no false positives and no false negatives.'' Litmus chief executive Mark Diggs said the new tests will help protect the public from future outbreaks of food-borne pathogens.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stretching Meat Save money on meatloaf by mixing the ground beef with 50% rice. Stretch your enchilada filling by mixing your ground beef with 50% pinto or black beans. Stretch your taco meat by mixing it with 50% potatoes chopped into tiny pieces. By Catherine You can really stretch your creativity with meatloaf! Croutons and an egg can be mixed in to give it extra strength and carry different "surprises" without cracking apart. The surprises can be anything from boiled eggs to pickles, a couple of carrots for eyes and strips of green pepper for teeth make a cute face when sliced. A single strip of bacon can also be used for the teeth. You don't have to knead or roll the loaf, you can build it up in layers. To crank up the flavor, use lots of onion, cut fine and slowly sauteed to hazelnut brown. Make sure you don't get any black edges, otherwise they don't multiply the flavors. Creative meatloaf can also be used for sandwich meat or frozen whole or sliced for quickly thawing a fast meal. Remember to make up a fancy name for each of your different meatloaf creations! You can also name them after the stations of an old railroad. Just like a fancy frame makes a huge difference for a painting, so does a name for a recipe. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time. Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, giving her his name as he did so. The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust. Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "That other Librarian we had could write." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to his hotel. When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, "Am I the first man you ever made love to?" She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. "You might be," she says. "Your face does look familiar." ======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Thrifty Fun 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  April 10, 2007
======================================

There's a fine line between fishing and
just standing on the shore like an idiot.
--- Steven Wright

Most human beings have an almost infinite
capacity for taking things for granted.
--- Aldous Huxley

=======================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,
"I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60,
perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be
silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over
at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth
shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful
your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal
radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says
through clenched teeth, "Damit, woman, can't you keep your
mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not
wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but
took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my
license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't
have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when
you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the
driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE
SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does
your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Only when he's been drinking."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Tahnks to Lilly for this story:
During an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely
for two days.  To help me communicate with him, my husband
devised a system of taps.  One tap meant, "Give me a
kiss," two taps meant "Yes," seventeen taps meant "No,"
and 95 taps meant "Take out the garbage."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the US Postal Service in Pinellas County, Florida Forced lunch March 23, 2007 - Tampa, Florida - AP A Pinellas County man is suing the US Postal Service over his lunch breaks. Kenneth Fox said his painful arthritis requires him to keep moving, but his bosses are forcing him to take lunch breaks. So the 55-year-old military veteran decided to sue the postal service under the Americans with Disabilities Act. He claims the mandatory lunch breaks are a violation of his rights under the law. The lawsuit said allowing Fox to work through lunch is a "reasonable accommodation" required under the Americans With Disabilities Act. It's asking for an injunction and attorneys fees. A spokesman for the Tampa post office declined to comment. ===========================================
Need some unique April cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards APRIL
=========================================== Thanks to Joan for sending this picture: =========================================== Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me." ------------------------ Sounds like Hopkins is one of the Global Warming "scientists". ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== When the spread of the seals and the fishing by foreign fleets made fishing less and less profitable in Newfoundland, Angus and Farley approached the Governemnt with a bid to dig a tunnel to the mainland. They asked for $100,000 each. "Considering equipment and labor costs", the Transport Dept asked them, "how do you propose to do the job for such a pittance?" "It's simple," the Angus replied. "My partner grabs a shovel, goes to the mainland and starts digging. I take another shovel and start digging from here. We dig until we meet -- and you've got a tunnel!" "But what if you never meet?" "Then you've got TWO tunnels for the price of one!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: Thriftyfun newsletter I have been trying to subscribe to the thriftyfun articles, but can't do it. Can you help me out? Or can you just put me on the list to get all the thriftyfun articles. Thank you. I love your humor letter. Read it from top to bottom. thanks Shirley Dear Shirley I sent your letter to Susan at Thriftyfun. Here is her reply: Hi, Here is the link for subscribing to our newsletters. There are 6 different newsletters. http://visitor.constantcontact.com/opti ... 1100202877 To read the newsletters to see which ones you want, go to: http://www.thriftyfun.com/Newsletter%20 ... _1198.html Thanks for asking, Susan ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 31, 2007 - San Francisco, California - AP A peregrine falcon shrieked as scientists snatched three eggs from his precarious perch beneath the Bay Bridge to save the chicks from a deadly fall or car collision when they hatch. University of California, Santa Cruz, biologist Brian Latta on Friday removed the eggs from a narrow beam about 200 feet above San Francisco Bay. ''It's the most dangerous place in the world for them,'' said Latta. Latta moved in after the female parent left the male parent alone to defend the nest, a two-inch depression in a wind-blown pile of dirt. Peregrines are known for their ferocity when their nests are invaded, and the male parent swooped and circled as the eggs were removed. ''When the female comes back, he's going to have a lot of explaining to do,'' Latta said. The parent falcons, dubbed George and Gracie, had nested for years on the 33rd floor ledge of a downtown skyscraper, where they raised several clutches of chicks. The pair relocated to the bridge this year at the same spot where George hatched in 1999 and was rescued in a similar operation before he was old enough to fly. If the eggs were allowed to hatch under the bridge, crosswinds could send the fledglings plummeting into the bay or hurtle them under the wheels of passing cars when they left the nest for their first flights. George and Gracie are celebrities among San Francisco bird watchers, who have followed their progress in past years via a Web camera near the previous nest at Pacific Gas and Electric Co.'s city headquarters.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Christmas Shopping Throughout the Year I do my Christmas shopping throughout the year, taking advantage of sales. That way, I am not hit with whopping big bills after Christmas. It also saves me money. This preparation eliminates a lot of physical and mental stress. By Kathleen
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
During basic training for the Army Nurse Corps, we were required to spend one week in the field roughing it. It rained the entire week. We arose daily in our swampy tent, took a cold-water beauty bath from our helmets, donned our pistol belts and ponchos, and trudged through the mud to set up field hospitals. Obviously, our personal appearance frequently left much to be desired. The final blow to our feminine pride occurred while we waited in the mess line in the mud and rain. A young private came by with a camera and asked to take our picture. "It will prove to my girl," he said, "that she has NO reason to be jealous!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A fisherman returned to shore with a giant Marlin that was larger & heavier than he was. On the way to the cleaning shed he ran into a buddy who had maybe a dozen or so one-pound Rockfish. The buddy eyed the Marlin & said, "Gave up after one, huh ?" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Tree Octopus http://zapatopi.net/treeoctopus/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Traveling with a laptop 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  April 9, 2007
======================================

"The more I give myself permission to live in the moment
and enjoy it without feeling guilty . . .
the better I feel about the quality of my work."
--- Wayne Dyer,

We can't all be heroes because somebody has to
sit on the curb and clap as they go by.
--- Will Rogers

=======================================

A man with a winking problem is applying for a position
as a sales representative for a large firm. The
interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is
phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools;
your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience
is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a
second thought. However, a sales representative has a
highly visible position, and we're afraid that your
constant winking will scare off potential customers.
I'm sorry...we can't hire you."

"But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop
winking!"

"Really? Great! Show me!"

So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and
begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms,
blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms;
finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin.
He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops
winking.

"Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and
good, but this is a respectable company, and we will
not have our employees womanizing all over the
country!"

"Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married
man!"

"Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?"

"Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a
pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end
her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went
down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid
water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on
the edge of the pier crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot
to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if
you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take
good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving
closer he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added,
"I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy". The
girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose?

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her
in a lifeboat. From then on every night he brought her
three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made
passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was
discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?"
the Captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she
explained. "I get food and trip to Europe, and he's
having me."

"He sure is, lady," the Captain said. "This is the
Staten Island Ferry."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Svetlana Ivanyshka, 26, from Kiev, Ukraine Double Embarrassment April 7, 2007 - Kiev, Ukraine - Ananova A Ukrainian woman was arrested after customs officers caught her trying to smuggle drugs inside a vibrator. Svetlana Ivanyshka, 26, was asked to open her suitcases at Kiev airport after guards got a tip off that a young woman on her flight from New Delhi was carrying drugs. They found a bag of hashish stuffed in the sex toy's battery compartment. A border police spokesman said: "She told us that she had put the drugs in a vibrator because she thought no one would ever think of touching it, let alone looking inside it. "She was obviously unaware of how thorough our officers are in their searches." (especially after they got a tip about her bragging about it) ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: =========================================== Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter." Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man. God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud, Learn from him. "Tell them my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line?" The man said, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Maudie is flying on a jumbo-jet to Europe. Once in the air the loudspeaker comes on: "This is your captain Emilia Rodrigues. We are cruising at 35,000 feet...etc. etc." When the announcement is finished Maudie beckons to a stewardess and asks, "Is it really true that this great big airplane is being flown by a woman?" "Yes, says the stewardess, Captain Rodrigues is a woman." "How wonderful!" Maudie replied. "I am so excited! Do you think you can arrange for me to go up to the cockpit to congratulate her?" "Yes, I think I can arrange that. You might also like to know that the co-pilot is also a woman." "Oh, how exciting. This is wonderful news! Please let me go to the cockpit so I can congratulate them both!" "OK, you can do that. You might like to know that actually the entire crew of this plane are women." "That is the most exciting thing I have heard in a long time ... this has really made my day ... I just have to go to the cockpit to express my admiration!" "One more thing you might like to know ... We don't call it the cockpit any more....." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cookie Re: Preparing to travel with a laptop Hi again my friend!! I hate to admit how ignorant I am about my computer again but.... I have never traveled with my laptop and I hope to be able to do that very soon. I was wondering if you could please help me out with directions of how to go about it when I'm away from home...I really need explicit directions.... like...step 1. 2. 3. etc. I know after it do it a few times I should have not too many problems, so I'm going to try it from several local areas before I travel. Thanks so much again for your help...I really do apprecite it. Cookie Dear Cookie If you don't have, get: a comfortable carry case with pack-sack style shoulder straps a good and reliable mouse, preferably wired, not wireless a wireless network card (built in on newer laptops) and, unless you enjoy typing on laptop keyboards, a short keyboard that fits into your carry-on or laptop case. If you plan to do any work while staying at hotels, and not just briefly checking your email, also get a piece of 3/16" Plexiglass cut to just fit into your carry-on. Take your carry-on with you to a window maker and tell them to cut the piece and round the corners so that it just barely fits in. You will need that to jam into a just barely opened hotel dresser drawer or night stand to make a computer table. Hotel tables are normally cheapest Chinese furniture with long legs meant to be cut to size by the customer, just like bargain pants with unfinished hems. 90% of the hotels of course are too lazy or too incompetent to cut the legs to a usable size. Their chairs, however, are usually extra low cheapos and intended for watching TV or lacing up gramma boots. So, unless you like typing at chin or nose level, spend $5 on some Plexiglass. Get some zip-lock bags, preferably the tough ones with the blue plastic zipper button, to hold the mouse and the charger. Print yourself some business cards with your picture on it. NOT the high-school grad glamor shot that you use for flirting on the net, but a recent picture that identifies you without any doubt whatsoever. Glue one of those on the front and back of the laptop, and laminate some for luggage tags. You can get self-sealing laminating pouches with luggage loops at Staples. That's it as far as the hardware is concerned. Then plan your route with MapQuest, double check it with GoLive and Google-Earth. Book your hotels on-line and adjust your route if necessary. Some towns get ridiculously expensive on weekends and in some, you simply can't get a hotel when they have a convention. I am NOT kidding! Even big towns like for example Frankfurt, Germany, are booked solid for an hour's train ride around it during "book week", some big publisher's convention. When you make your on-line hotel reservation keep the star rating in mind: 5 star and 4 star have high speed wireless DSL. 3 star has free local calls so that you can call the local earthlink number. 2 star has almost free local calls, but they charge a fee per call, and knock you off-line every half hour. If you are going to a course or seminar, you can often get a preferred rate at the place where the seminar is. Write that rate down. Then compare it with other hotels and add two taxi fares to those rates. You will find that the rates of the hotel where the seminar or course is, compares quite favorably, once the cab fare to and from other hotels is considered. I learned that the hard way when a cab took longer and cost more to get across Vancouver than the plane took to get from Calgary to Vancouver. While that was an extreme case, you always save some money if you stay at the seminar hotel and can avoid cabs during rush hour. Never gamble on finding a suitable hotel when you get there. That's not a gamble these days. That's a painful learning experience. Always book them on-line and as much in advance as possible. Many hotels give you discounts for early booking. Remember to use your AAA card. Most decent hotels give you a discount if you use your AAA number with on-line booking. Software and data: I copy the entire Eudora folder to the laptop, and while that is copying over, I export the bookmarks ALT F I N E and import them to the laptop. ALT F I N I All my docs are in C:\DOC on both machines, and all my spreadsheets are in C:\Q, and are easily and quickly copied over. The same goes with web pages and graphics that I am working on. If you use exactly the same organization on the laptop, it's easy to sync it with the main machine. I am still using an old DOS bat for automating all that. If you are not scared of DOS, let me know and I'll tell you how to do that. Have FUN! DerWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Hi Webby, Beautiful cactus flower! Thanks for the info regarding cookies. You always give such wonderful good advice and helpful information. It's so much appreciated. Don't ever quit. Hope you had a wonderful Easter. Connie
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check Labels For Clothing Care Be sure to check clothing labels for recommended care of the garment. The manufacturer is liable by law for accurate care guidelines on the label so, if it is ruined, it will be much easier to get it replaced if you have followed the care recommendations.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife: " What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Confucius Says.... man who sink in woman's arms, soon have arms in woman's sink. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Bonsai Gallery http://www.bonsaisite.com/gallery1.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Cookies 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  April 8, 2007
Happy Easter!
======================================

It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things
that people might remember.
--- Eugene McCarthy

=======================================

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but
he felt unwilling to spend much money.
"How much do they run?" he asked the clerk.

"That depends," said the salesman.
"They run from $2.00 to $2,000."

"Let's see the $2.00 model," he said.

The clerk put the device around the man's neck.
"You just stick this button in your ear and run this little
string down to your pocket," he instructed.

"How does it work?" the customer asked.

"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied.
"But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder...!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Two drunks were in a tavern sitting at the bar and staring
into their drinks. One got a curious look on his face and
asked, "Hey, Pete! Have you ever seen an ice cube with a
hole in it before?"
"Yep. I been married to one for fifteen years...."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to William Hart, 35, from Montgomery County, near Houston, Texas April 7, 2007 - Montgomery County, Texas - Ananova US coastguards had to use a helicopter to rescue a man who climbed a 60 ft pine tree to retrieve his pet parrot, and was too chicken to climb back down. William Hart, 35, from Montgomery County, near Houston, Texas, followed his $2,000 white cockatoo Geronimo after it escaped its cage. After he got scared, about 30 Sheriff's deputies and firefighters converged on the tree but the ground was too wet to get a ladder near the tree. Houston Police Department's water rescue team then tried to reach Mr Hart with a rope, but it was not long enough. As daylight began to fade, the decision was made to call in the coastguard from Galveston, reports the Houston Chronicle. Before the helicopter finally retrieved him, Mr Hart could be seen standing on a branch holding the bird under his shirt and smoking a cigarette. "In my 18 years as a firefighter, I've never seen anything like this," Porter Fire Chief Jody Binnion said. Apart from a few scratches and a bite on his finger where the frightened bird nipped him, Mr Hart was unscathed and relieved to be back on solid ground. Cradling the shaking bird in his arms, he said he was surprised by all the fuss, but had no regrets: "He's my baby. I'd do it again." His 14-year-old daughter had forgotten to put the latch back on Geronimo's cage after feeding him and the bird had flown out the bedroom window. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to my dad for these pictures: So as not to overload your mail box, here is a link to a side view of that flower: Side 1064 If you want larger pictures of these, tell me what size you want. I prepared them in these sizes: 640, 800, 1064, 1200, 1600, 2000 and 2500. They will look the sharpest if you use the one with the same resolution as your monitor is set for. =========================================== I can't say I've ever gotten a shave from a barber, but I've seen others who have. I was in a shop once, and an obviously new barber nicked a customer several times while giving him a shave. The new man, in an effort to smooth things over asked solicitously, "Do you want your head wrapped in a hot towel?" "No thanks." said the customer. "I'll carry it home under my arm." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A woman was waiting at an airport one night, With several long hours before her flight. She hunted for a book in the airport shops. Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop. She was engrossed in her book but happened to see, That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be, Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between, Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene. So she munched the cookies and watched the clock, As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock. She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by, Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I would blacken his eye." With each cookie she took, he took one too, When only one was left, she wondered what he would do. With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh, He took the last cookie and broke it in half. He offered her half, as he ate the other, She snatched it from him and thought... ooh,brother. This guy has some nerve and he's also rude, Why he didn't even show any gratitude! She had never known when she had been so galled, And sighed with relief when her flight was called. She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate, Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate. She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat, Then she sought her book, which was almost complete. As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise, There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes. If mine are here, she moaned in despair, The others were his, and he tried to share. Too late to apologize, she realized with grief, That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elva Re: Cookies Why are alot of sites insisting that I allow cookies? I am being blocked from sites, even though I paid for access, and others, that are supposedly free, and all I get is rude error messages. I don't want my private information spread by cookies. Is there a way around that? Elva Dear Elva Cookies don't carry private information. They may have, ten years ago, but nowadays, cookies are a safe way to manage the Internet. For example, if you buy access to a library site, it plants a cookie with your membership number and possibly your chosen member name, and maybe even with the membership number of the person who referred you to the library. When you go to the library, it checks your library cookie, and when it is there, it allows you access to the library and gives a brownie point to the person who referred you. That's all. It's just like a library card. And just like without your library card, you won't get access without your cookie. Other cookies, like the ones planted by your bank or telephone company, provide extra security and streamline your access. Instead of having to go through a dozen menus each time you go in there to manage your account or pay bills, the cookie gets you straight to the account that you worked on last. The cookie does not carry your password or any info about what is in your accounts, just the routing information that you need AFTER you have put in your password. Cookies are also used to track referrers. Businesses spend big money to get customers. Let's say, for example, you click on the Breastcancer link, and from there go to the garden cherubs with solar lights. A cookie will tell the garden cherub site that the breast cancer site referred you. For every 1000 referrals they pay the breastcancer site 65 cents or whatever amount they agreed on. Eventually that amounts to the cost of a mammogram. HOWEVER, if you have cookies disabled, then you don't count, and they don't have to pay the breastcancer site. The cookie that the breastcancer site would have planted, would not have had any private information about you. It simply would have told the garden gnome site that "this visitor was referred by the breastcancer site". (By the way, I don't plant cookies and the breastcancer site does not have to pay me. I just carry the ad as a public service.) Most cookies expire and disappear in a day. But while they are carried in your browser, you can read them. You will see that they do not carry any personal information about you. Forget the rumors about cookies spread by some misinformed AOLers ten years ago, that are still being forwarded, and allow cookies. If you use CrapCleaner, take the checkmark off the Cookies. They take very little space and won't slow you down. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos April 7, 2007 - Lasi, Romania - Ananova A 105-year-old Romanian has made his first ever trip to the doctors after eating a jar of gherkins past their sell-by-date. Tudorica Anghel, from Iasi, took himself to St Spiridon Hospital telling doctors he'd had pains for two days and was worried it might be something serious. But doctors who performed a full check-up on him said he was very healthy for his age, and that he was probably suffering from indigestion. When they tried to access his records they found he had never been to a doctor in his life. Doctor Diana Cimpoiescu, who treated Mr Anghel, said: "This was the first time in his life that he had come to a hospital. "We did a full examination of him and apart from a bit of weak hearing he has nothing at all wrong with him. He is amazingly healthy for a man of his age."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop at Bakery Outlets Buy bread, hamburger buns, hot dog buns, and other baked goods at a bakery outlet store. In my area, I can save 50% over grocery store prices. Go twice a month, and freeze the loaves. Also, if you have chickens, you can get feed bread for next to nothing. By Marlene
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate. After the service, a very distraught lady came to the pastor with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said "Now, now, Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me". "Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "That's what they said the last time too . . . " =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago: "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago," he said. "Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. "But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we ll have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" An elderly gentleman in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Bonsai Gallery http://www.bonsaisite.com/gallery1.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Compressing or resizing 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  April 6, 2007
======================================

 "The discipline of desire is the background of character."
— John Locke

Practice hope. As hopefulness becomes a habit,
you can achieve a permanently happy spirit.
--- Norman Vincent Peale

=======================================

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something
to stir me up; something to put me in a
fighting mood. Did you put something like
that in this prescription?

Doctor: No need for that. You will find that
in your bill.

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Kim for this story:

I'd had a pretty hectic day with my three-year-old.  When
bedtime finally came, I laid down the law:  "We're getting
on your p.j.s, brushing your teeth, and reading ONE book.
Then it's lights out!"

Her arms went around my neck in a gentle embrace, and I
heard her say, "We learned in Sunday school about little
boys and girls who don't have moms and dads."

Even after I'd been such a grouch, I thought, she was
grateful to have me.  I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes,
and then she whispered,
"Maybe you could go be THEIR mom."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Continental Airlines pilot Allergic to kids coughing? March 28, 2007 - New York, New York - AP An airline pilot on Tuesday ordered a 16-year-old student from Hawaii off an East Coast flight after a coughing fit. Rachel Collier was on a spring break trip with Kalani High School, reported television station KITV in Honolulu. The girl's classmates returned home to Honolulu on Tuesday night, but Collier remained on the East Coast. Collier was having a great spring break on a school trip to New York and Washington, her mother said. The trip was her first without her parents. The fun turned into fear when she was kicked off a Continental Airlines flight headed for home. "The police were called. The ambulance and paramedics were called. She had fallen asleep in her seat and woke up coughing and a whole bunch of people standing around her, and was asked to leave the plane," Collier's mother, Stephanie, said. Teacher Maile Kawamura said a doctor traveling on the plane checked Rachel Collier and said she was fine, had no fever and did not pose a threat to other passengers. Despite that, the family was told, the pilot insisted Collier leave the plane. Rachel Collier and her teacher were left to find their own hotel for the night and had to buy clothes and toothbrushes because their luggage was already on the plane. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Jackie for this picture: Looks like Jackie lives in the Deep South! We had fresh snow daily for a week, and a nasty little blizzard today. No global warming here! Maybe all of our politicians are vacationing in Hawaii and there is not enough hot air for spring to start. =========================================== Two guys are walking through the woods when they come to a pit. The first guy says, "How deep you think this pit is?" The second guy says, "I don't know. Let's throw in a rock and listen for it to hit the bottom." They throw in a rock and listen, but they don't hear anything. The first guy says, "We need to throw in something heavy so when it hits it'll make more noise." So they find a cement block and throw it in and listen, but they still don't hear anything. The first guy says, "We need to find something really heavy, that'll make a real lot of noise when it hits bottom." So they go further into the woods, and come across an old railroad tie. They haul it back to the pit, and throw it in. They still didn't hear anything, but all of a sudden a goat comes running out the woods and leaps into the pit. The first guy says, "Well, if that wasn't the craziest damn goat I ever seen." Just then a farmer comes walking up to them and says, "You fellas seen a goat?" The first guy says, "Yes, sir. A goat just came running up and jumped right into that pit." The farmer says, "Oh, that couldn't have been my goat. I had him tied to a railroad tie." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== The obituary editor of a newspaper was not one to admit his mistakes easily. One day he got a phone call from an irate subscriber. The caller complained that his name had been printed in the obituary column. "Really?" replied the editor calmly. "And where are you calling from?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: DJ Re: Compressing pictures hello my friend, is there a way to compress a picture that takes up a whole email page down to about 2"x2" thanks, DJ Dear DJ Compressing does not change the visible size. Compressing keeps the visible size the same, but degrades the picture and throws away color depth pixels and thereby makes the file size smaller. What you need to do is to RESIZE (not compress) the picture size. Open the picture in any graphics or paint program, click on Image, Resize. Then toggle it from pixels to inches, and type in the desired dimensions. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 29, 2007 - Muenster, Germany - Ananova The swan that fell in love with a peddle boat is back courting its plastic lover after spending the winter in a local zoo. Swans choose a partner for life but the rare Black Australian swan nicknamed Petra made the mistake of falling for a peddle boat designed to look like a swan. And when Petra's peddle boat lover refused to fly south for the winter Petra also remained, a move that could have killed her as the cold weather arrived. In the end though, local zoo chiefs took pity on the swan and gave her and her boat boyfriend a place to spend the winter, and this week the pair were once again on the lake together. According to biologists in Muenster, north-western Germany, Petra has been circling its plastic lover, staring endlessly at it and making crooning noises, all the typical signs of a swan in love. The boat in the meantime is still being rented out to families who want to picnic on the Aasee lake - where the star-crossed lovers have become a tourist attraction. Zoo director Joerg Adler said: "This arrangement could go on for ever, the swan obviously believes it has found a partner for life."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Testing Your Refrigerator Seal To test the seal of your refrigerator, put a piece of paper on the edge of the rubber gasket and close the door. If the paper can be pulled out easily, the seal may need replacing. Don't get too fanatic about that unless the seal looks obviously damaged! New seals are quite expensive and will not save a significant amount of electricity, since there is no draft or air movement involved. If you want to save on the electricity a fridge or freezer uses, clean the condenser grid behind or under the fridge frequently and make sure that there are no dust bunnies impeding air flow. I went a step further and back-set the fridge into the wall. There is no insulation between the fridge and the outside sheating, and a grill allows in fresh outside air into the space under the fridge and exhausts it to the outside through a little chimney above. It always has fresh outside air to cool the condenser grid and except in winter, it pumps the waste heat outside, and not into the kitchen. As you can probably imagine, that saves a very significant amount of electricity. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Dear Grandson: I have become a little older since I saw you last, and a few changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have become a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen everyday. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go to see John. Then Charlie Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life. Oh yes, I'm also flirting with Al Zymer. Love, Grandma P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him, "Oh I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself ... "Now, what am I here after?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The bride said she wanted three children, while the young husband said two would be enough for him. They discussed this discrepancy for a few minutes until the husband thought he'd put an end to things by saying boldly, "After our second child, I'll just have a vasectomy." Without a moments hesitation, the bride retorted, "Well, I hope you'll love the third one just as if was your own." ========================================
Thanks to Trish for this Bonus Link: Big Crystals http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/6518161.stm?lsm
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Hard Drive Recovery 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  April 5, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================

Faith that the thing can be done is essential
to any great achievement.
--- Thomas N. Carrurther

Live your life and forget your age.
--- Norman Vincent Peale

=======================================

Thans to Dianne for this story:
The other day, my wife and I were discussing clothes for
awhile, and then she said she was going to visit the local
Super-Store. Did I want anything from there while she was
shopping there.
I replied, "Yes, honey... I could use a new G-string."

She looked at me kinda oddly, and went to the store.
When she got back, she presented me with a g-string made
for women to wear (who dance at bars) to avoid 100% exposure.

"Here," she said, "I hope this is what you are looking for!"

I replied to her, "Yeah, baby -- that is JUST what I needed!
Now, show me how to put it on my guitar and tune it!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park
in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing
rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses.

"Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight.
That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll
see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old
man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?"

"Fishin', sir."

"Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink
with me?"

The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind
stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka
and a fine cigar.

His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man,
and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch
today ?"

The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful
smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir...!"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Organisers of the Kirklees Primary Music Festival No re-write of traditional fairy tales! March 18, 2007 - UK - Ananova The Three Little Pigs have earned a reprieve after they were ditched from a children's show to avoid offending Muslims. Organisers of the Kirklees Primary Music Festival changed the traditional tale to Three Little Puppies, reports the Telegraph. But local councillors have now stepped in to reverse the decision which they said was well-intentioned but wrong. Children from Honley Church of England Junior School in Huddersfield are to perform Roald Dahl's version of Little Red Riding Hood, which features the pigs, at the Town Hall. Festival organisers were concerned the Three Little Pigs could offend Muslim children taking part, or their parents. Gill Goodswen, one of the organisers of the festival, had said: "We have to be sensitive if we want to be multi-cultural. It was felt it would be more responsible not to use the three little pigs." There had been no complaints about the festival, which will feature hundreds of children from 63 schools in Kirklees in June. Jim Dodds, the council's Cabinet member for children's services, said the decision to change the wording was a "mistake". "On this particular aspect of it - everyone knows the story of the Three Little Pigs, and other nursery stories as well. "We have all read them to our own children and grandchildren. I am sure that no-one is offended by any wording within any of those traditional stories. Gill Goodswen, one of the organisers of the festival, had said: "We have to be sensitive if we want to be multi-cultural. It was felt it would be more responsible not to use the three little pigs." ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== Now then," said the warden addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot. "I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?" One of the three men stepped forward, "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful." "I see. And the cell? What did you use to break the bars?" Replied the spokesman, "Toast...." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Mrs. Goldman, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-third is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, one eighth to his secretary; and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Morris answered, "A good lawyer...!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Karen Re: Hard drive recovery Dear Webby, I have a big computer problem I am hoping you can help me with. My brother had an external hard drive that we needed to put a lot of our files on. The drive has stoped working; you can hear the drive spin but then Windows just keeps asking to format it; my brother thinks it may have overheated. Can you recomend good data recovery software that can get my pictures back from the disk? We have read about the services available, but they are way too expensive. Thanks, Karen Dear Karen The reason why those drive recovery services are ALL so expensive is because there is no cheap alternative. If there was a cheap alternative, they would have to lower their prices to be competitive, since their prices are not based on cost but on demand. You can try running the drive as a slave drive right in the computer and totally bypass the USB external connection. If that doesn't work, you can try Hard Drive Mechanic from http://www.highergroundsoftware.com/ Document EVERY keystroke and action, while you use that program. If it doesn't work and you have to call their support, you will need that information. You will also need it to claim on their money back guarantee. If that doesn't work, then it is going to get expensive. If you have to send the drive to DriveSavers or any other reliable drive recovery companies, it can reduce your cost if you have a detailed log of what you have already tried. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 25, 2007 - Lacrosse, Wiscinsin - AP They were called Wallace and Gromit, a couple of abandoned yellow Labrador retriever siblings who wound up at the Coulee Region Humane Society. The pups were 5 months old last June when they were adopted out, but to separate homes. Months later, Pat Kucera at Diggity Dog Daycare noticed two yellow Labs named Levi and Cooper would "play like crazy" every time they got the chance during visits to his facility. "They love playing chase, ring around the picnic table and face wrestling on the couches," Kucera said. When he mentioned their behavior to their respective owners, Cyndy Lamb remembered the other pup she never forgot— the one that was with Cooper when she took him home from the humane society. She asked Denice Mack, owner of Levi, about her dog's past and found out she too adopted her dog last June. "When she said he was 5 months old when she got him, my heart stopped," Lamb said. "I was so excited," Mack said, "because when we adopted Levi, we knew there was another yellow Lab out there, and we wanted to find him and get together with him." Mack and her husband Curt said they're hoping to set up play dates outside the daycare for the two long-lost Labs. "I'm definitely going to take them up on that," Lamb said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Ripe Bananas Mash and freeze ripe bananas in one cup portions for later use in bread and other baking. No more wasted bananas! They can also be frozen whole, wrapped in plastic. Just let them defrost before mixing them into your favorite recipe. By Nancy
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
"Frank," said Mr. Johnson to a friend he met sometimes at the bar, "I married a woman with a twin sister. Sometimes, when she's visiting us, I make love to the sister instead of my wife. So I have decided -- I filed for divorce." "What? I don't understand... Surely there must be some differences between them..." "Oh, there is," replied Mr. Johnson. "That's why I'm getting that divorce...! They are perfectly identical, but without a ring they are a lot more cooperative." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Abe bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Valentine's Day. A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those pretty 4-Wheel drive vehicles." "She did," Abe replied. "But where in the world was I going to find a fake jeep!!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Turks and Caicos http://tinyurl.com/2mf7br
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Humor: How many hard drives 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  April 5, 2007
======================================

"Don't spend your precious time asking 'Why isn't the world
a better place?' It will only be time wasted.
The question to ask is 'How can I make it better?'
To that there is an answer."
--- Leo Buscaglia

"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be
continually fearing you will make one."
--- Elbert Hubbard

=======================================

At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud
young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and
everything. He was served a piece of meat, he picked it up
with his fork, held it up and smirked: "Is this pig?"

Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly:
"Which end of the fork are you referring to?"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke warmly
to the boy, "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your mother for
this lovely pie."

"If you don't mind, Ma'am," the boy suggested nervously,
"would you thank her for two pies?"

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gregory Dean Renfroe in Mims, Florida Not Enlightened March 21, 2007 - Mims, Florida - AP Officials said a Mims man could have killed himself by trying to reconnect his power after it had been shut off. A neighbor flagged down a Brevard County Sheriff's deputy Sunday morning after he noticed a man climbing a power pole. The deputy reported seeing Gregory Dean Renfroe standing on the power lines tearing electrical tape from power units and pulling power lines from their original positions. Renfroe told the deputy he was trying to reconnect the power line that Florida Power and Light had disconnected the day before. A report said Renfroe was about two months late on his payments. An FPL technician who responded to the scene said no major damage was done to the power unit. The technician said Renfroe's actions would have been "near fatal" if he had actually connected the wires. Renfroe was charged with a misdemeanor count of criminal mischief. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Irish Wolfhound =========================================== When my sugar daddy dies," confided Jeni to Debi, "I inherit the lot... it's in his last will and testicles." "You mean testament," chuckled Debi. "No, testicles..." said Jeni, "I've got him by the balls." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A man started to snore in his seat at the church. "Please stop your snoring," the usher pleaded. "You are disturbing the others..." "Look, buddy," the man said angrily, "This is my seat and I'll do whatever I want!" "Yes, sir," replied the usher. "But please be considerate... you are keeping everybody else awake!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marylin Re: How many hard drives Dear Webby I have two hard drives in my machine, the one it came with, as the master, and the drive from the last machine as a slave. Is there a way to add more drives? Thanks Marylin Dear Marylin If you don't need the CD and DVD or CD and CD Burner drives, you can plug those cables into two more hard drives. If you need more than that, you have to get a USB remote hard drive enclosures and stick additional drives into those. USB hard drive enclosures are $12 - $15. Check pricegraber for a local supplier or your favorite on-line stores. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 25, 2007 - Cincinnati, Ohio - AP Customers at some suburban pizza parlors are getting something extra with their pepperoni and mushrooms - wanted posters for parents accused of failing to pay child support. The idea came to Cynthia Brown, executive director of the Butler County Child Enforcement Agency, while she was ordering pizza. "It suddenly dawned on me that most people running from the law don't eat out, they order pizza," said Brown, whose county is north of Cincinnati. Enforcement agencies across the country use a variety of methods to locate support scofflaws and collect past-due payments. Virginia has issued subpoenas to cellular phone companies seeking addresses and phone numbers. California's Kern County seizes and auctions parents' vehicles, with proceeds going to the children, said Kay Cullen, a spokeswoman for the National Child Support Enforcement Association.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dog Food Scoop Use a plastic milk jug with a handle to create a scoop for dog food. Cut off the jug leaving handle intact into a scoop shape. Make sure to clean it well. The large scoop works great for feeding big dogs! One scoop usually will do the trick. By Joyce
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time." I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa. =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A sixth grade teacher asked her class, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered for a long time until Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents and they will tell the principal and you will get fired!" The teacher ignored her and asked again, "Which part of the body increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Finally, Geoffrey stood up and said that the part of the body that increases 10 times its size when stimulated Is the pupil of the eye. "Very good." The teacher said, then turned to Mary and said, "As for you young lady, I have 3 things to say: #1 you have a dirty mind, #2 you didn't read your homework, and #3 one day you will be very disappointed!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Perrin Photo Gallery http://snipurl.com/1f6el
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby: Mammogram 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  April 4, 2007
======================================

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
--- Samuel Butler

=======================================

The owner of a manufacturing firm decided to make a
surprise tour of the factory.  Walking through the warehouse
he noticed a young man lazily leaning against a packing
crate.

The factory owner angrily said, "Just how much are you
being paid?"

The young man replied, "Two hundred dollars a week."

The owner pulled out his wallet, peeled off ten $20 bills
and shouted at the young man:

"Here is a week's pay--now get out and don't come back!"

Without a word, the young man stuffed the money into his
pocket and left.

The warehouse manager, standing nearby, stared in
amazement.

"Tell me," the boss asked him, "How long has that guy
worked for us?"

"He doesn't work here," replied the warehouse manager,
"He was just the Pizza guy waiting for George to find two
more dollars for his lunch order."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

The Priest had just finished hearing the man's confession
and was considering the man's penitence.

"Are you sure you're going to try to set aside all sin?"

"Yes Father, I certainly am going to try." replied the man.
"I here-by resolve to double my efforts."

"And you're going to attend Mass regularly my son?" the
Priest went on.

"Yes Father, I realize I have strayed." said the man. "I
shall both worship and confess every week."

"And how about your debts and those you have cheated?"
inquired the Priest.

"Now just a minute Father." said the man.  "Now you're
talking business and not religion."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a plastic surgeon in Munich, germany OOOPS! March 18, 2007 - Munich, Germany - Ananova A German belly dancer has been awarded £12,000 compensation after a plastic surgeon accidentally sucked away one of her buttocks. Julia 'Cleopatra' Meyer, 38, from Munich, wanted slimmer thighs and instead ended up with half her bum missing. The court heard that during the liposuction the plastic surgeon, not named, from a private clinic, had removed fat from her right buttock instead of her thighs. She said: "I had been unhappy with my saddlebags, the fat stored in the outer thigh area. Because of the local anaesthesia I did not realise what he was doing. "When I saw afterwards that half of my bum was missing I almost fainted. It had been completely sucked away." A consultant at the Berlin Charité hospital asked for an expert opinion said it was a "grave error in treatment". The court heard the woman can no longer perform. She does not even dare to go to a swimming pool because she is ashamed of the way she now looks. The surgeon has been ordered to pay her £12,000 - twice the £6,000 she had been seeking. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Did Chubby and 2-Ton try Dear Webby's Diet ? Nah, they just got new covers. =========================================== Horowitz was feeling ill at work, and left after lunch to go home. He walked into the house and found his wife Fanny in the arms of another man. He started to yell at the interloper, "What right have you got to be messing with my wife?" The man answered calmly, "You may as well know that I am in love with Fanny and I would like to marry her. I understand you're a gambler. Why don't you be a good sport and sit down and play a game of gin rummy with me? If I lose, I'll never see her again; if you lose, you must agree to divorce her.... Okay?" "Okay," replied Horowitz, "but just to make it a little more interesting, why don't we play for a dollar a point?" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== At the end of my factory shift, I was asked to purchase some supplies. The machines' conveyor belts needed talcum powder to prevent them from sticking, and we had run out of aspirin for workers with noise-induced tension headaches. I drove to the nearest store and loaded a shopping cart with four cases of baby powder and several boxes of aspirin. As the man behind me in the checkout line peered at my purchases, he laughed and exclaimed, "Must be one heck of a kid!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Connie R Re: Mammogram Site Webby, is it possible to add this web site address to your humor newsletter. I feed the dogs each day, and I think being able to click onto this web url to give a free mammogram to an underpriviledged woman would be another good thing to do. Connie R The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors /advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/ Dear Connie Please get a normal, healthy male of ANY age to read the Humor Letter, and watch where he clicks. I am happy to say that most female subscribers ALSO let their mouse pounce onto the breast cancer site ad. Personally, I doubt very much that any other newsletter this side of Venus has a more effective ad for the breast cancer site, or has run ads for it for as many years as I have. (7) Thanks to the efforts of a few dedicated people like me, the Breast Cancer site is nowhere near worrying about ONE mammogram per day. Yesterday, for example, our reader's clicks funded 6.6 mammograms. Last year we funded 2,612 mammograms. Don't be shy, start clicking on the cuties every day, just like most of my subscribers, and help fund more mammograms! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 17, 2007 - Bangor Township, Michigan - AP Marylou Morin has no use for mice, but she thinks their bigger cousins make great pets. That's right, domesticated rats. And her dog likes them, too. Morin, known as the "rat lady," has babied rats for about eight years, ever since her daughter brought home a lab rat named "Wicket" from Western Michigan University. The one-pound, white male rat with pink eyes would fall asleep in her lap while she watched television. She and her husband, Don, once had as many as 13 rats in their home. It's not uncommon for Morin to have a rat or two on her shoulder. The preschool teacher lets them crawl all over her. The little animals - her current critters are "Cubby,""Sweet Pea" and "Little Bit" - relieve the stress of the daily rat race. "They help me relax a whole bunch. They're gentle creatures, and they're just very loving," she told The Bay City Times. Unlike wild rats, the domesticated rodents don't pose health risks, Morin said. They groom themselves frequently and even groom each other. Her 26-pound miniature schnauzer, BobbiAnne, herds the three 8-ounce rats like a border collie rounds up sheep. "She thinks they're her babies," Morin said. "She lets them chew on her beard, and sometimes they'll lie on her back."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Photo Album For Recipes Recipes that you clip from magazines and newspapers can be placed in an inexpensive photo album. If you prepare a recipe that your family doesn't enjoy, lift the plastic page and discard. Now you have room for another! By Maureen
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours." The banker said, "Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a con- ciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Reunion Island http://snipurl.com/1f2wk
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby: Dead Mouse 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  April 3, 2007
======================================

"Opportunities multiply as they are seized."
--- Sun Tzu

=======================================

During the course of being interviewed by the press, the
noted doctor was asked by a reporter: "Doctor, did you ever
make a serious mistake?"

"Yes, was the reply, "I once cured a millionaire before
he was broke!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was re-
sponsible for returning equipment to the proper owners
at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery
department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the
surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in
a waiting area.

"Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your
anesthesiologist."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nora Vasquez, 35 of Antioch, California Grand and Minors March 29, 2007 - Antioch, California - AP A woman who allegedly instructed her two young daughters to steal a neighbor's dog was arrested on charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor and grand theft. Nora Vasquez' arrest Wednesday came a week after her daughters, ages 7 and 9, told their elementary school principal they snatched the missing mutt on their mother's orders. A witness to the daylight dog-napping earlier this month told investigators that he saw two girls jump out of an SUV and grab the pooch from a neighbor's porch while a woman shouted at them to hurry. "We wonder why our children wind up the way they do," said Antioch Police Lt. Pat Welch. "It's unbelievable someone would take a 7- and 9-year-old and encourage them to do that and think it's appropriate behavior." Vasquez, 35, acknowledged she told the girls to get the dog, a 1-year-old Chihuahua-Pekinese mix named Guppi, but told investigators she thought the pet was in danger from another dog nearby, according to Welch. Vazquez was released on $20,000 bail, Welch said. The sisters first came under suspicion in Guppi's disappearance when a school librarian noticed one of them reacting strangely to a sign the dog's owners posted offering a reward for its return. The pair was summoned into the principal's office, where they confessed, according to Welch. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== e Italians have followed the ages old tradition of naming their boats with a three-letter prefix. For example: USA uses USS which means "United States Ship." The British uses HMS which means "Her Majesty's Ship." and now...Italy is using AMB which means "At's-a My Boat!" ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== You might be a Redneck if ............... Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausages in her purse. You go fishing with a generator and copper wire. The only time you were ever in the dry cleaners was to get out of the rain. You voted for more than one presidential candidate in the same election. People are scared to touch your bathrobe. Your cigarette lighter is your stove. You've never paid for a haircut. You wear your blaze-orange insulated suit to Sunday school. The most fun you've ever had involved water balloons and a Ferris wheel. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer. Your TV gets 512 channels but you go outside to use the bathroom. You can pick objects off the floor with your toes. Your son is named for your favorite pro wrestler. Your daughter mistakenly thought you'd attend her wedding on opening day of the deer season. You and your dog are on the same medication. Your car burns more oil than gas. The last thing your ex-wife said to you was, "If you go hunting again, I'm leaving!" You begin most sentences with "You ain't gonna believe this!" Your deer lease costs more than your house. You burn out your clutch in a funeral procession. Your brother had to cosign to get your deer mounted. Your family reunion features a chewing tobacco spit-off. You know your daddy's C.B. handle but not his real name. The school principal has your number on speed dial. Your class reunion is a keg party in the woods. You think fax is the opposite of fiction. Your monitor is sitting on a cinder block. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rheta Re: Missing Mouse Dear Webby Good after noon to you. My question is a lost mouse. On my grand sons computer. Its a XP PC.I can't find it... help please. Rheta Hi there: And thanks for the reply. He has tried different mouse. But still nothing. Some one was telling me that theres keys that you can use instead of a mouse. Have any clues on that one?? Rheta Dear Rheta There are some keys you can use: Hit the Scroll Lock key a few times, to make sure it is turned off. If the mouse starts working after that, you got the problem solved. Arrow keys and combinations of SHIFT and CTRL plus the arrows, Tab, ALT-Tab to jump between Windows, but that's about it, and even those commands sometimes act differently in different programs. I use a lot of keyboard shortcuts, but they are not a complete substitute for a mouse. If you hit the Windows button, you can use the arrow keys to get into the control panel and to the mouse, and make sure it is not disabled. If everything looks OK in there, tell him to try a new mouse, not one that has been put on the shelf because it was too cute to throw away, even though it had become flakey. If the mouse settings are OK and a brand new mouse doesn't work either, then he will have to get the hardware checked. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 29, 2007 - Inver Grove Heights, Minnesota - AP When it came time for a Minnesota National Guardsman to kiss the bride, she was about 6,000 miles away. But that didn't matter Wednesday, as Spc. Abraham Rhode and Amanda Hart used video teleconferencing to be joined as husband and wife. ''When we said our vows, that's when we became one,'' Hart said after the short ceremony. ''It was pretty exciting, overwhelming.'' Hart said Rhode was supposed to come home from Iraq this month and help her plan their August wedding. But when his deployment was extended — and they learned there was a baby on the way — they decided to exchange vows over a video connection. Nationwide, video teleconferencing has been used to virtually bring soldiers home, even if just for a moment, to experience life-changing events such as a child's graduation, a birth, or a memorial service. Rhode and Hart are among a handful of couples who have opted for long-distance nuptials as the war continues to keep them physically separated. ''With our unit being extended over there, a lot of people just decided they didn't want to be single any longer, regardless of how they have to do it,'' said Phil Stephan, the video operations manager for the Minnesota National Guard. Rhode, 25, is in Tallil, Iraq, with the 2nd Combined Arms Battalion, 136th Infantry. After the nuptials, he said he was happy, but he couldn't wait to see his bride in person. ''Honestly, I will be overjoyed to see her,'' he said. ''You miss out on a whole bunch of little things. I'm missing out on the pregnancy ... but I'm happy to be here and be serving my country.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 4empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Oil Bottle Cover Make use of an unmatched sock by cutting off the ribbed elastic part and slipping it over the neck of a bottle of cooking oil. The sock absorbs any oil that drips down the side of the bottle. You can decorate a white sock or pick a fancy sock to match your decor. By Michelle Some types of cooking oil have a fancy no-drip spout and some have a cheap plastic drip-return spout. Either works fine. You can pour your favorite oil into one of those bottles if you can't swap the spouts. The thinner salad oil spouts and drizzlers work fine too, as long as you don't need large quantities of oil. You can get those at restaurant supply stores. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Bob was teaching my 6-year-old grandaughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. She asked, "Do I click the square?" Bob said, "Yes." She asked, "Single click or double click?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband." ========================================
Thanks to Bonnie for this Bonus Link: Oaks http://snipurl.com/1ewkw ‘Morning, DearWebby – I came across this today & wondered if you could use it as a bonus link. It will speak for itself when you go there. Thanks for getting me into gmail – I am so happy to get every single day’s letter and not have to worry about it anymore!! Bonnie in NH
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby: Outlook Limit 

To: h@posty.net
Subject: Humor: Outlook Limit 


Good Morning,  Text-Start !
Monday,  April 2, 2007
======================================


"It doesn’t matter how strong your opinions are.
If you don’t use your power for positive change,
you are, indeed, part of the problem."
--- Coretta Scott King


=======================================


Doggie Quotes


"If your dog is fat, YOU aren't getting enough exercise!"


"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies."


"In dog years, I'm dead."


"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn
around three times before lying down."


"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?
I think that's how dogs spend their lives."


"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't
got the guts to bite people themselves!"


"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we
come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -
chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the
greatest hunters on earth!"


"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs
should relax and get used to the idea."


"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the
wag of his tail."


"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than
he loves himself."


"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."


"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of
amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think
humans are nuts!!"


======================================


Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!


===========================================


An old guy approaches the window of the movie theater with
a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. The girl
at the counter wants to know who is going in with him.


He replies, "Well, my pet chicken, of course!"  "I'm sorry,"
The girl tells him. "We can't allow animals in the theater."
The guy goes around the corner and stuffs the chicken into
his pants.


He returns to the window, buys his ticket and goes in.
Inside the theater, the chicken starts to get hot and
begins to squirm.  The man unzips his pants so the chicken
can stick its head out and watch the movie.  Seated next to
him is a woman.  She looks over at his lap and is horrified.


She elbows her friend and whispers, "Blanche, this man over
here has just unzipped his pants!"


Blanche whispers back, "Oh, don't worry about it...you've
seen one, you've seen them all."


Louise says, "I know, but this one's....EATING MY POPCORN....!"


===========================================


Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a drunk in Dortmund, Germany Too drunk ! March 18, 2007 - Germany - Ananova A German man has been arrested after he climbed into an emergency postbox for unwanted babies while drunk. Heinrich Mueller, 28, slid down the chute and ended up in an emergency incubator, triggering alarms among medical staff. But instead of another unwanted newborn baby, they found Mueller smoking a cigarette. He then fell asleep as staff worked out how to get him out of the incubator at the hospital in Dortmund. Hundreds of babies have been deposited in the boxes set up across Germany and Austria since the scheme started five years ago. It came into effect after more and more young mums unable to cope with their newborns had been abandoning them on the street. The baby boxes offered a safe 'no questions asked' alternative. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this picture: =========================================== I work in a department store where every night at closing time one of our customer service representatives reminds shoppers over the public address system to finish their shopping. One evening, a woman who had recently worked at Kmart opened the announcement by saying, "Attention Kmart shoppers . . ." Quickly realizing her mistake, she tap-danced her way out of trouble by adding, ". . . you are in the wrong store...." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== A well-dressed businessman was walking down the street when Little Johnny, covered in soot said to him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell me the time?" The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It is a quarter to three, young man." "Thanks," said Johnny. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my butt." With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him. He has not been running long when an old friend stopped him. "Why are you running like this at your age?" asked the friend. Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the businessman said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his butt!" "So what's your hurry?" said the friend. "You still have ten minutes." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Renee Re: Outlook Limit Dear Webby I read that Outlook suicides and loses all the mail if you have too much mail in it. Is that true, and if so, what are the limits? Thanks Renee Dear Renee Yes, unfortunately that is true. The limits are not hard and predictable. Usually it is fairly save to keep a year's worth of mail in it, as long as the IN, OUT and other most used mailboxes are kept small and tidy. Some people have been able to keep it going for two-three years, but sooner or later the inevitable crash happened. If you need to keep mail for over a year for business purposes, then I would recommend Eudora. With Eudora you can esily split off months or years or clients and store them on a CD, and return them if and when needed. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 24, 2007 - Augusta, Georgia - AP The accidental death of an east-Georgia sheriff's deputy triggered a new chance at life for a fellow deputy who received one of his co-worker's kidneys. Richmond County Sheriff Ronnie Strength said Friday that deputy David James was recovering from transplant surgery. James, whose own transplanted kidney had been faltering, was given a kidney from deputy Eric Sikes, who died Wednesday from injuries he sustained in a car accident. Strength said he got a call around 4 a.m. Friday telling him the operation was done late Thursday night and into the morning. He said the transplant went well and that James was in recovery. ''That's all we know right now,'' he said. Sikes, 24, a two-year road patrol deputy, was fatally injured in a car accident Tuesday morning in Hephzibah. He ran off the road and became pinned between two trees while on his way to work, authorities said. His family offered his kidney to James. Sheriff's Sgt. Taryl Elim said she was in contact with James' wife, Kellie, all day Thursday and that the James family was optimistic. ''It's a very bittersweet situation, but there's nothing we can do for Deputy Sikes at this time,'' Sgt. Elim said. ''Maybe he can live through David.'' James has had medical problems, including kidney trouble, for nearly 17 years since he was shot five times while attempting to make an arrest. His left eye and kidneys were damaged. His mother donated a kidney to him, but that kidney has been failing and he has been on dialysis since Christmas. His family has been searching for a donor for months. Strength said he is saddened by the loss of deputy Sikes, but commended the family. ''It's a terrible tragedy,'' he said. ''It's such a great thing what this family did to help another officer ... It's something none of us ever want to see _ especially one of our fellow officers killed or injured. Our condolences and prayers go out to the Sikes family.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Long reach lighter
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say..." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom...." =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Tim for this story: When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her ability to answer the questions asked of prospective jurors. As a young attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect. Asked about the occupations of family members, Mom answered, "My son is a lawyer." As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the services of an attorney. "Only to mow my lawn." ======================================== ======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Centering 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  April 1, 2007
======================================

We talk about defining moments,
but I think nothing can define you.
They're all 'refining' moments.
--- Sheryl Crow

=======================================

When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily
ruddy complexion, he said,
"High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."

"Your mother's side or your father's?" he asked.

"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," the doctor said.
"How could your wife's family give you high blood
pressure?"

He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Ole and Lena went to the same Lutheran Church.  Lena went
every Sunday and taught Sunday School.  Ole went on
Christmas and Easter, and maybe a few times during the
year.

One Sunday, Ole was sitting in the pew right behind Lena
and got to noticing what a fine looking woman she was.

While they were taking up the collection, Ole leaned forward
and said, "Lena, how about you and me go to dinner in New
Ulm next Friday?"

"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," Lena replied.

Ole was tickled as all get out.  All week long he polished
his old Ford truck.  On Friday he picked up Lena and took her
to the finest restaurant in New Ulm.

When they sat down, Ole looked at Lena and asked, "Lena,
vould you a cocktail before supper?"

"Oh, no, Ole," Lena said, "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School
class?"

Ole was a little taken back, but he didn't say much about it.
After dinner, he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack
of cigarettes, offering Lena one.

"Oh, no, Ole," Lena said, "Vat vould I tell my Sunday School
class?"

Well, Ole was feeling kind of low, having had two offers rebuffed.
On the way home, was they passed the Hot Springs Motel,
he figured, heck, he'd struck out twice, so he had nothing to
lose.

"Hey, Lena, vould you like to stop at the motel with me?"

"Yah, Ole, dot vould be nice," she replied.

Ole couldn't believe his luck.  He whipped his Ford into the
parking lot, jumped out of the truck, ran into the hotel office,
checked in, ran back out, and took Lena right to the hotel
room.

The next morning Ole got up first.  He looked at Lena lying on
the bed, her hair spread out all over the pillow.  "Vat have I
done, vat have I done?" Ole thought.  He shook Lena awake.
"Lena, I've got to ask you von thing."

"Vot's dat?" she said, sleepily.

"Vat are you going to tell your Sunday School class?"

"The same ting I alvays tell dem.  You don't have to drink and
smoke to have a good time."

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a German plastic surgeon OOOPS! March 18, 2007 - Munich, Germany - Ananova A German belly dancer has been awarded £12,000 compensation after a plastic surgeon accidentally sucked away one of her buttocks. Julia 'Cleopatra' Meyer, 38, from Munich, wanted slimmer thighs and instead ended up with half her bum missing. The court heard that during the liposuction the plastic surgeon, not named, from a private clinic, had removed fat from her right buttock instead of her thighs. She said: "I had been unhappy with my saddlebags, the fat stored in the outer thigh area. Because of the local anaesthesia I did not realise what he was doing. "When I saw afterwards that half of my bum was missing I almost fainted. It had been completely sucked away." A consultant at the Berlin Charité hospital asked for an expert opinion said it was a "grave error in treatment". The court heard the woman can no longer perform. She does not even dare to go to a swimming pool because she is ashamed of the way she looks. The surgeon has been ordered to pay her £12,000 - twice the £6,000 she had been seeking. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this picture: Never annoy a back-hoe operator! =========================================== A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States...." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== You'll Know Yours Is A Redneck Church If The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up. Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." The choir is known as the "OK Chorale." Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion. In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. Baptism is referred to as "branding." There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank. Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable. High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling. People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub. The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trevor Re: Centering HTML Dear Webby What is the correct way to center HTML, is it <.center> or <.div align="center"> ? Thanks Trevor Dear Trevor You can use either method. The threat that the old <.center> would become obsolete seems to have been ignored by everybody. Just remember to turn off any font formatting that you had turned on inside that centered area, before you turn off the centering. otherwise you will get unexpected results. You can turn on and off font formatting like size or color either both inside the centering, or both outside the centering, but not "on" inside the centering and "off" outside of it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 19, 2007 - Southaven, Mississippi - AP Two supermarket workers gave a whole new meaning to their job description when they bagged a man who police said had grabbed a customer's purse and tried to flee. Southaven police Capt. Cliff Freeman said the woman was inside the Kroger supermarket earlier this week when the purse snatching occurred. He said two grocery baggers, ages 17 and 20, heard her scream and took off in pursuit of the culprit. The baggers were faster. ''They tackled him hard,'' Freeman said. ''His collarbone was broken when he hit the pavement.'' Richard H. Blow, 33, of Memphis, was arrested and charged with petit larceny and possession of drug paraphernalia, Freeman said. Freeman said the customer, a 60-year-old Memphis woman, was not injured and her purse was returned. The names of the two store employees were not made public.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Long reach lighter To light a gas barbecue or stove or furnace pilot light you can use a piece of spaghetti or spaghettini. Uncooked.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Mary was almost crazy with her three young kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts!! Such pests. They give me no rest and I'm half way to the funny farm." "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said. So Mary bought a playpen A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that pen with my laptop, a coffee and a chocolate bar, and the kids don't bother me for hours!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The patrol officer stopped a motorist for a traffic violation. Standing outside his expensive foreign car, the red-faced driver frantically waved his hands and jumped up and down. "I'll have your job for this!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. "Sir, you wouldn't want my job," replied the unruffled officer as he wrote out the citation. "The hours are long, the pay is low, and you got to put up with some of the weirdest idiots you can imagine!" ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: 30 years of StarTrek http://uspsjedimaster.com
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby: Hiding Files 

Saturday,  March 31, 2007
======================================

A good listener is not only popular everywhere,
but after a while he gets to know something.
--- Wilson Mizner

A happy childhood is poor preparation for human contacts.
--- Colette

=======================================

A major research institution has recently announced the
discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to
science. The new element has been tentatively named
Governmentium.

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75
deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it
an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-
like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no
electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to
take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take
less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons
exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization will cause
some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists
to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons
reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

======================================

HTML-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this:

Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay
me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes
as they see fit. In order to get that paycheck. I am required
to pass a random urine test, which I have no problem with.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to
people who don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one
have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check, because I
have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people
get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem
with helping someone sit on their butt. Could you imagine
how much money the state would save if people had to
pass a urine test to get a public assistance check ?

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 29 wanna-be burglar in Berlin, Germany Major Klutz March 22, 2007 - Berlin, Germany - Reuters A hapless German thief snapped his credit card in two while prying open a lock, inadvertently leaving behind his name and account details for police. "He tried to copy what he'd seen them do on television, but the flat owner woke up and the criminal ran away," a police spokesman said on Thursday. "The victim called up and read us the details off the card." "When we got around to the burglar's house, the other half of his credit card was sitting on his kitchen table." The 29-year-old burglar was trying to open the door to his neighbor's flat in Moenchengladbach in western Germany, police said. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this report: A TALE OF TWO HOUSES (Cowboys and Indians vs Global Warming) (I think we whould send this email to everyone so the masses can understand the real...' An Inconvenient Truth' ! Some can talk the talk but don't bother to walk the walk. House 1 The four-bedroom home was planned so that "every room has a relationship with something in the landscape that's different from the room next door. Each of the rooms feels like a slightly different place." The resulting single-story house is a paragon of environmental planning. The passive-solar house is built of honey-colored native limestone and positioned to absorb winter sunlight, warming the interior walkways and walls of the 4,000-square-foot residence. Geothermal heat pumps circulate water through pipes buried 300 feet deep in the ground. These waters pass through a heat exchange system that keeps the home warm in winter and cool in summer. A 25,000-gallon underground cistern collects rainwater gathered from roof urns; wastewater from sinks, toilets, and showers cascades into underground purifying tanks and is also funneled into the cistern. The water from the cistern is then used to irrigate the landscaping around the four-bedroom home, (which) uses indigenous grasses, shrubs, and flowers to complete the exterior treatment of the home. In addition to its minimal environmental impact, the look and layout of the house reflect one of the paramount priorities: relaxation. A spacious 10-foot porch wraps completely around the residence and beckons the family outdoors. With few hallways to speak of, family and guests make their way from room to room either directly or by way of the porch. "The house doesn't hold you in. Where the porch ends, there is grass. There is no step-up at all." This house consumes 25% of the energy of an average American home. (Source: Cowboys and Indians Magazine, Oct. 2002 and Chicago Tribune April 2001.) House 2 This 20-room, 8-bathroom house consumes more electricity every month than the average American household uses in an entire year. The average household in America consumes 10,656 kilowatt-hours (kWh) per year, according to the Department of Energy. In 2006, this house devoured nearly 221,000 kWh, more than 20 times the national average. Last August alone, the house burned through 22,619 kWh, guzzling more than twice the electricity in one month than an average American family uses in an entire year. As a result of this energy consumption, the average monthly electric bill topped $1,359. Also, natural gas bills for this house and guest house averaged $1,080 per month last year. In total, this house had nearly $30,000 in combined electricity and natural gas bills for 2006. (Source: just about anywhere in the news last month online and on talk radio, but barely on TV.) House 1... belongs to George and Laura Bush, in Crawford, Texas. House 2... belongs to Al and Tipper Gore, in Nashville,Tennessee. ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== "I want to buy a dress to put on around the house." "Yes, Madam. How large is your house?" "What are you going to be when you graduate?" "An old man" "I spent three years in college taking medicine." "Are you well now?" "We are having mother for dinner, darling." "Make sure she's well done." "It seems that everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other." "Well, I guess that's why I've got two ears." "May I hold your hand?" "No, thanks, It isn't heavy." "Do these stairs take you to the second floor?" "No, you'll have to walk" "I have changed! my mind." Thank heaven! Does it work better now?" Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? Customer: What other colors do you have? ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Geoff Re: Hiding files Dear Webby and as always, great stuff daily! Quick question if you have a moment. Can or is it possible to password protect just individual files? My computer is password protected as it should be but I have one or two files that I would like to further protect as it has personal statistics that others that use my computer can not get access to. If you could shed any light on this, at your convenience, it would be appreciated. Thanks and do keep up the great work!! Best regards from Ontario Geoff Dear Geoff Usually you would use an encryption program for stuff like that. There are lots of free ones available. I go a step further and put that kind of stuff into e:\Accounting-Tips\Tax-Forms\1998\ NOBODY ever looks in there. e:\Recipes\vegetarian\one-year-diet\ is also pretty safe. You can download tons of recipes quickly, since they are often in zip files. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 24, 2007 - Washington DC - AP Laura Brown, a mother with a son who fought in the Iraq war, is trying to improve conditions at Walter Reed Army Medical Center _ one laptop computer at a time. The 50-year-old from Cody, Wyo., was chatting on the internet with the mother of a wounded soldier two years ago when the mother mentioned she had to print out her son's e-mails and take them to him at Walter Reed because there weren't enough laptop computers to go around. Brown, whose own son had recently returned safely from the war, thought the solution to that problem seemed incredibly easy. ''It just kind of hit me,'' she said. ''If one person needed one, then there's others. ... I mean, my son had e-mail in Iraq. I was really stunned.'' So Brown formed a group, Laptops for the Wounded, to raise money for the cause. Since its fundraising effort began in November 2005, Brown's organization has donated 27 computers to military hospitals around the country _ 24 of them to Walter Reed. On Friday, Brown flew to Washington to deliver 10 donated laptops to the hospital in person. Those computers, which were upgraded and refitted with new equipment, included Web cameras so soldiers could lay eyes on their families from afar. ''She basically just made it her mission,'' said Lisa Ramdass, a case manager at the hospital who has been working with Brown to coordinate the donations. Ramdass said the laptops are used for more than e-mail. One soldier who worked with a donated laptop couldn't speak, and was able to communicate with his family and his doctors by typing on the computer. Others who have eye injuries use the laptops to watch movies or television up close. Brown said she can relate with the loneliness and isolation of the wounded because she is also disabled, having suffered knee and back injuries in recent years.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stock Up on Personal Items Buy personal products when they are on sale, using coupons and rebates whenever possible. If you keep personal items well stocked, you can avoid having to buy them at full price. For example, buying men's razors at full price is really expensive if you pay retail for them.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
My sister is a waitress at a hotel. One morning a customer was sitting at the table in the dining area, and said to my sister: "I'd like a cup of coffee, no cream." My sister went to get the coffee, but after 2 minutes came back to ask, "I'm sorry sir, we are out of cream. Would you want your coffee without milk instead?" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== John went to his friend's house unannounced, and he wanted to spend the night. His friend was sorry that he could not offer him a whole room, so he said, "You can sleep on the floor in the living room, or you can sleep in the room with Baby." John said that he would prefer the floor. The next morning he went to the bathroom, and there he met a gorgeous young blond. "Hi," he said, "who are you?" "I'm Baby, and who are you?" "I'm stupid," he said. ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Russian Air Show http://tinyurl.com/yp25fk
======================================== HTML-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, HTML-Start, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Polar Bear Hoax 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  March 30, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!
======================================

"Everyone wants to be appreciated,
so if you appreciate someone, don't keep it a secret."
--- Mary Kay Ash

=======================================

Little Christine ran into the house, crying as though her
heart would break.
"What's wrong, dear?" asked her mother.
"My doll! Bobby broke it!" she sobbed.
"How did he break it, Christine?"
"I hit him over the head with it."

======================================

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!

===========================================

Why are Fire Trucks red?
Everyone knows that fire engines have 4 wheels and 8
men.
4 and 8 make12.
There are twelve inches in a foot.
A foot is a ruler.
Queen Elizabeth is a ruler,
Queen Elizabeth is one of the largest ships on the
seas.
Seas have fish and fish have fins.
The Finns fought the Russians and Russians are red...
And fire trucks are always rushin'
Therefore, fire  trucks are red.

===========================================

Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sasha Abney, 20, and her cousin Bryshada Ward, 17, of Terrel, Texas Buncha Phonies! March 22, 2007 - Dallas, Texas - AP Two young cousins who disappeared for four days and claimed to have been kidnapped actually were hiding out because they missed their curfew after a night of partying, family members said. Sasha Abney, 20, and her cousin Bryshada Ward, 17, left their parent's homes in Terrell, east of Dallas, on Friday night, saying they were going to a movie in nearby Mesquite. One of them then made a cell phone call to a friend at 4 a.m. Saturday and screamed, "Please help!" The call was traced to an area of Dallas, prompting a search. But the two didn't resurface until Tuesday night when they showed up roughly 150 miles away at a gas station in Kempner, claiming to have been kidnapped, police said. "We found out this was a hoax," Sasha Abney's father, Richard Abney, said at a news conference Wednesday evening. "They missed their curfew, got in deeper and deeper and decided they were going to drive south. They ran out of money and ran out of gas, and they were afraid to call us. We are apologizing to everyone." Mesquite police Lt. Bill Artesi said the department was closing its case. The behavior was out of character, Richard Abney said, and the cousins would be punished. "As a parent you think the worst," he said. "A lot of people out there were trying to help." He said Ward had even hit her cousin in the head with her shoe to cause a minor injury and lend credibility to their kidnap story. ===========================================
Need some unique March cards in a hurry? There is a great selection at Hicards MARCH
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ---------------- No snow in southern Florida. Must be Global Warming! Quick, loose some weight and stock up on bikinis! =========================================== A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum. "Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh." ===========================================
LEGAL Music 25 FREE downloads Just 33 cents or less after that. Ready for iPod or burning onto CD or playing off your computer. Click on the button or go to http://webby.com/emusic
=========================================== Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jeff Re: Polar bear picture is a hoax Dear Webby, I hate to think you've been victimized by a hoax after all the sage advice you've given out. But I think the polar bear photo is a fake: Most folks know polar bears and penguins live at opposite poles. Jeff Dear Jeff Yes, of course it is a hoax. Polar bears don't get barbecue permits during the fire season at the pole. However, the picture does point out that the whole Global Wimping hysteria by governement grant recipients and the sheep, who believe them, is rather ridiculous. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos March 23, 2007 - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - AP A 46-year-old man whose body was powered by three separate hearts in the span of a month walked out of the hospital Thursday and said he felt like competing in a triathlon. ''I feel like a million dollars, actually,'' said patient Gary Onufer. ''I feel like a whole new person.'' Accompanied by his wife and hospital staff, Onufer took slow steps out of the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania as a donor heart beat in his thin frame. The organ replaced a temporary ''Total Artificial Heart,'' a mechanical device that doctors said Onufer was the first person to receive in the Northeast. ''I feel like I could do a triathlon right now,'' said Onufer, an insurance agent from Ambler. Onufer was ''deathly ill'' when he arrived at the Penn hospital on Feb. 1, said Dr. Michael Acker, one of his surgeons. Though doctors still aren't sure why, the seemingly healthy and active man was suffering from congestive heart failure and needed a new organ. Most patients in that situation would have a device implanted in their ailing hearts to keep them alive until a donor can be found, health officials said. But doctors thought Onufer's heart, even with artificial help, was too weak to last the two months Acker said is normally needed to find a donor. So they asked Onufer if he wanted to be a pioneer of sorts by undergoing the region's first implant of the Total artificial heart, made by Arizona-based SynCardia Systems. Onufer said yes. ''My choices were very limited,'' he said Thursday. ''I would have slowly died.'' The apparatus, approved by the federal Food and Drug Administration in October 2004, is a modern version of the one invented by Dr. Robert Jarvik and first implanted in a patient 25 years ago. On Feb. 12, doctors removed Onufer's failing heart in a six-hour procedure and replaced it with a Total Artificial Heart. Though it still required Onufer to stay at the hospital, the ''bridge to transplant'' allowed him to exercise and, essentially, heal the damage caused by his old heart while he awaited a donor. ''That's what was very exciting to us,'' said Acker. Because Onufer's artificial heart worked so well, doctors could be more choosy in finding the right match for him, Acker said. It turned out that a suitable organ for Onufer came along 28 days after the artificial heart was implanted. Onufer underwent a transplant March 11. Eleven days later, he was walking out of the hospital, holding a lucky Tin Man charm that had been given to him by a nurse. The character from ''The Wizard of Oz'' also needed a heart.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can email to the Express Empress at 3empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Appetizer "Toothpick I use broken spaghetti for serving appetizers instead of toothpicks. I break off 2 inch pieces of spaghetti as I need them. They are cheaper and work great. Look for colored spaghetti for a festive look. By Kelly
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement on the web were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!" =============================================
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor." "Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?" "Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company." ========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Galapagos pictures http://www.galapagosyachts.com/photos.html
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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